Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 199 - Pete Johansson

Episode Date: January 10, 2012

Comedian Pete Johansson returns to talk about the board games, Sweden, celebrity sightings and Ikea.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 199 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is somebody known as Laurie Anderson's number one fan, Mr. Dave Shumka. We talked about Laurie Anderson before the show. She's a lady who wore sunglasses or something. That's a paint on them.

WKRP. Yeah. She was famous for her sunglasses. This is episode 199. I know. Thank you. Yeah, and it's... Don't write in with your suggestions for episode 200.

We got it. It's in the pipe. Yeah, we got it figured. There's a lot of excitement out there. There's a lot of conjecture. What will they do? How will they do it? We'll do it.

Maybe we'll just skip right over 200 and the next episode will be number 201 yeah we've released some live episodes that are not numbered so this is technically like episode 205 or something you could run into why 200 problems right yeah why do you see we didn't design the podcast to roll over past just everything collapses and that voice. That is our guest this week. Returning guest. It's my seventh appearance on the show. Seventh appearance.

Our only seven time guest ever. Check the record. That's true. Mainly just hanging out outside trying to get in. Thanks for opening the door. A very funny comedian, Mr. Pete Johanson. I'm with you on that. I'm not gonna argue. I'm gonna try not to laugh at my own stuff today. That's okay. I'll laugh at it. Dave will laugh

at it. And just laugh where you feel comfortable. There we go. Laugh at a weird time. Too much mustache wax. It just makes you giddy. Yeah. Graham and Peter were applying mustache wax. Pete brought his own and shared with Graham. Which is fine. That's a thing friends do.

Pete's mustache, very twirlable. Just right at the I'll tie your lady to a train track level. Yeah, evil. And Graham's going like inches away from his face. It's a mocking Salvador Dali. Yeah. Just sit down, Sally. I got this.

You know? Sally Dali? Sally Dali. That's what they call him. Sally Dally? Sally Dally. That's what they call him back in the art circle. Guys, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Oh, before we talk about Pete, let's plug a show that we're doing this weekend in case people don't listen to the end of the episode. Oh, I think they do.

I trust people. Well, you and I are going to be at the Comedy Mix in Vancouver this coming weekend from Thursday to Saturday, the 12th to the 14th with John Doerr. Mr. John Doerr. Why aren't you guys with me this week at the Comedy Mix? I know. We're with you in spirit. Oh. I was there last night watching. That's true.

But I would have liked you on the show because I cannot stand the guy I'm seeing. Don't. We're not gonna say names oh my god it's just oh please get off the stage you can look it up online if you're interested in finding out who i'm talking about let's just say uh you know what you could be mc'ing for him in two years oh yeah that'll happen after a massive brain injury in my life coming to a halt we're gonna give pete a chance one more now pete you're you're uh you're up until very recently you were living in london yeah and now you're that's why i'll say

pence when we talk about money yeah or laurie when we talk about Anderson. Laurie Anderson. Laurie Anderson. She's a truck. You call her Truck Anderson. But you're moving, you are coming back to Canada. You're moving to Toronto. Yes, yeah. How do you feel about it? I don't know.

I've never lived there and I don't know anybody. It's a complete, I'm doing it for my wife because we've been living, we've been just doing what I want to do for the last three and a half years and I love her tons and I don't want her in 10 years to look back and go why haven't we done anything for me so yeah uh and it's important in a relationship to sort of you know think about the other person so i'm gonna do uh she wants the jury still yeah yeah and she's not really enjoying london as much and uh so we're gonna go back to toronto she's gonna go to second

city right and and do jokey stuff there and uh that'll be cool and i'm gonna support her i'm really enjoying London as much. And, uh, so we're going to go back to Toronto. She's going to go to second city. Right. And, and do jokey stuff there. And, uh, that'll be cool. And I'm going to support her. I'm going to have to travel my butt off because I'm going to have to still work

in England and commute back to Toronto. Uh, now Toronto, you've never lived there. You visited there. I've played there a lot. I lived there for six months, like 12 years ago.

Uh, well, I don't know if I, I'll, I'll say it anyway. I don't care. Uh, at the time, I was with, Ianks and they were like, oh, come on out to Toronto.

We'll work you constantly. I'm like, really? Yeah, move out. It'll be the best decision you're making. I move out there and I can't remember which guy it was at the club I pissed off for no reason at all. It doesn't make sense. And they yank all my works. I'm guessing the MC.

I don't know. I don't know who it was. And so it was like, I was just broke. Like they justank all my work i'm guessing the mc i don't know i don't know who it was and so it's like i was just broke like they just pulled all my work so i was just i moved to a new city had no work for eons i was like oh this sucks you know so i moved you know i moved back and then i moved to montreal which is the best decision i ever made because that was awesome there was no work there but it was so much fun because that's where they shoot Just for Laughs gags. Everything is hilarious. I don't even believe this is a pothole. I don't believe it. I'm not... Ow!

What the... It's Montreal's reason for being. It's hilarious. If only there was a French word for reason for being. You're right. Gags? Is that the word? I think so.

Top or net? So, Toronto. Dave, what do we know about Toronto? Okay, here's the lowdown. They call it Hogtown because in the... Because their mayor looks like a hog. Yep, the mayor's a big fat so... Isn't Chicago Hogtown Butcher for the World?

That's the famous poem by... Hogtown, Butcher for the World. Yeah, but that's a Chicago reference. I thought Chicago was the Windy City. Yeah, it was, but this is a really famous poem by... Oh, Captain, My Captain. Well, no, it's like a... Ah, this is going to drive me nuts.

There's a great poem that we had to learn, A Butcher of the World, City of Big Shoulders. E.E. Cummings. No, no, like something... Oh, Jerry Sandusky. That sounds right. That's the child molester football coach. Is that who that is?

Disgraced football coach. Or as we say in North America, soccer coach. No, it's football. American football. That's what they would call it. American football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember hearing a little bit about that, but I don't really follow sports.

Or the molestation times. It's just I've never been big into it. As soon as a scientist breaks out and fiddles a kid, I'm all over that story. Has that ever happened? Has there ever been a scientist scandal? Actually, well, not with kids. But I mean, when you think about Turing, Alan Turing,

they did force him to literally kill himself because of his homosexuality. Oh, sure. Because it was illegal at the time. Oh, it was different back then. Yeah, the British were awful

and they, yeah. They're good now. Oh, yeah, they're fine. They're A-OK with the gays now. They're on top, they're on the same side. But back then, they were kind of

a little bit weird. But like, Britain was, Britain's pretty, like, not to, it's pretty, right like not too right yeah they do so many things that over here we just like that there are like things that would be stereotypically gay and things that straight men over there do well yeah but your anal sex yeah that's pretty stereotypical but then the french take that even farther you know like like there's to decipher what is traditionally a French man and what we would consider gay men. Like pillow fighting in your underwear with your best friend, you know. Is that a big thing in France?

That's a fine thing to do in France. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a Sunday morning guffaw, you know. Let's bust out the pillows and, you know. And full erections, too, because that means you're having a good time. It's a sign of respect. Yeah. If anything.

He only had half an erection. They call it the French thank you. I don't think you even want to be here. Yeah. So are you excited to be back in Canada? I know you're going to have to travel a lot and stuff. Yeah, when does the move take place? I'm back.

I'm already back in Canada. Oh, welcome. I've given to travel a lot. When does the move take place? I'm already back in Canada. I've given up my place in London, so I'm back. We're here doing the Snowdin Tour until the first week of February. Get your tickets. Go to snowdintour.com. I just put an ad there. That's great. It's you and Glenn Wool, Craig Campbell,

and Arj Barker, and Dan Quinn. So a tour where you go up in the mountains and stuff, you snowboard and stuff during the day and then at night, comedy shows in these theaters. Yeah, yeah.

Nice big rooms and stuff like that. Pretty much the tour's almost sold out. That's awesome. It's unbelievable. And yeah, it's just a... It blows me away how successful it is. And doing it with Arj is going to be just a trip.

We did the New Zealand Comedy Festival this year together. And we were just hanging out. And he's like, we've got to work more together. And I go, do you like skiing? Yeah. How do you feel about being freezing? And he's like, I love to snowboard. I'm like, let me make a call to my buddy Dan.

Let's see what we can do. And then, yeah, it worked out perfect. That's awesome. Yeah. And now, you're a skier? No. No, I'm a snowboarder. Snowboarder.

To even say that's kind of insulting to snowboarders. I'm a force of inertia that is sometimes stopped by my own accord. Yeah. I'm constantly being pulled to the bottom of the hill, whether that's gracefully or not, I'm eventually going to arrive. Now, Dave, you also snowboard? It's been a couple of years, but I do. Last year, we got as far as getting all our stuff sharpened and waxed and then never went.

You sharpen your board, eh? Like once every three years. I didn't know you had to sharpen a board. I don't know. I play death snowboard. That's just the way we do it. Yeah, Dave gets his sharpened to a point. Maybe it's a good thing you don't have your sharpened.

Snake Tusken? Or Snake Bliskins? What did you call him? Snake Tusken. Is that Snake Bliskins? Snake Tusken sells insurance. I thought you'd be taller. Snake Tusken.

That's the guy from Escape from New York, right? What was it? Pliskin. I think it was Tusken. No, that's the guy. That's the guy that makes from New York? Yeah. What was it? Plissken. Plissken. I think it was Tusken. No, that's the guy, the other guy. That's the guy that makes the great rustic wine. Snake Tusken. He swills it around in his empty eye socket.

Escape is great from New York. Yeah. Yeah. Yay. See, it's puns like that. That's why this is taken off in England. Yeah. Yeah. Yay. See, it's puns like that. That's why this is taking off in England. They love the puns. Oh, right, right, right.

Do you know that you guys have a huge fan in the guy that runs the comedy cafe in London? Yes, he actually wrote to us, and I have not. We don't write everyone back. I know, I know. I think he wrote with a specific question. I should write him back. That's going to be on my, that's my New Year's resolution. Yeah.

To answer that. I don't think he believed that I knew you guys too. He's like, cause he's just assumed like, you know, I was doing that Canadian thing where it's like, oh yeah, you know, every Canadian. Cause I just said I knew every other Canadian. Right. Smart. So I know.

But that's the thing people usually assume. People will say, oh, do you know Pete Johansson from Canada? Yeah. Yeah. And I'll say, oh, how does one really know Pete Johansson from Canada? Yeah, yeah. And I'll say, oh, how does one really know Pete Johansson? It's not like, yeah, I'm kind of a facade, you know, like a Russian doll. Yeah. Oh, good call, yeah. What's the next?

What's under there, Pete? I don't know. Skinny Pete. Wouldn't that be kind of cool if we got real serious for a minute and I started to break down? Hey, let's talk about my mom passing away. Oh, okay. Good, right? No.

Oh, you don't want to? We couldn't take it even as a joke. Like, serious? I do that to people to make them feel incredibly guilty sometimes. Like, just, if anybody's rude to me, I'll just bring it up, which is not the way you're supposed to use your mom passing away. No, you're supposed to use it. You're supposed to use it to get out of a college assignment. Yeah, or to get a girl, right?

You could get a girl to sleep with you, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It didn't even work with my wife. Yeah, to get an extension or just get extensions. Yeah, just, I'm sorry, but I just, if I don't have dreads, I don't know what to do. Do you think that would work with a hairstylist? Can I get an extension?

They're notoriously cold. A lot of the hairstylists are who worked at Auschwitz. They don't feel a lot of sympathy. Oh, yeah, they're a cold breed, but that's not a thing. They're cold-hearted snakes. Oh, look into their eyes. Paula Abdul. Yeah.

Yeah, nice nice Thank you Is she She's on a thing still right Is she on X Factor Yes No That's it American X Factor

I don't watch I really Those shows make me sick to my stomach Oh I don't watch them But you You know of them You cursively They seep into your

Sort of knowledge base By little flashes of ads and stuff But oh Yes I can't even believe Any of them are still on the air To be honest with you People love them And super successful they seep into your sort of knowledge base by little flashes of ads and stuff but oh yes i can't even believe any of them are still on the air to be honest with you people are super successful people love them yeah they love them as much as they love a uh a what is it hillbilly hand fishing what's hillbilly hand fish that sounds interesting it is actually what is hillbilly hand well they they chop off a guy's hand they attach it to a hook. That's not... It's literally...

I was so with you there. I thought you were being serious. It's just as ridiculous. It is just as ridiculous. They go into low, waist-deep waters where there are catfish that burrow in caves. I didn't know catfish did that. Neither did I. And you stick your hand in and the catfish thinks

it's food and it clamps down on your arm and you pull it. Does it hurt? Yes. Apparently it hurts a lot. Whoa. Yeah, and that's how these dudes fish. I mean, it's the... Why it's a thing that people are still doing in this age of fish

tanks and fishing pools. But you could go to a pole yeah and you can go to those sex shops and get those rubber fists yeah and just use those no it doesn't work they don't they've tried sure they've tried yeah completely offended by it doesn't feel the same yeah they like the paint yeah that's a big part of the tradition. No big city rubber fist from a sex shop is going to cut it out in the Louisiana waters. Is it Louisiana? I don't watch it. What?

Really? Is it a show? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's a television. And a board game. And a board game. It's a show based on a board game.

Has there ever been one of those? Yeah. There have been movies. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles started off as a game. Really? Yeah, it was a role-playing game like Dungeons & Dragons before it was anything else. What? Yeah.

And then it was a comic book, though. Yep. And then it was a TV show. Yep. And then it was a real-life set of turtles. Yeah. Wow. And then it was, yeah, something else.

Slippers. Did you hear that screeching noise? No, but it screeched because I was fascinated. I didn't know that that was... It's one of those awesome facts that you learn. My hangover just hit me. Oh, honey. It literally just got a wave of my...

Because after I saw you last night, I went to a place up... We were driving home, and I went to Jaeger's on... Oh, yeah, that's a bad idea. Yeah, yeah. It's got Jaeger in the title of the place It was really fun though It was open really late You know how rare it is to have somebody serve you after hours in Vancouver I think it's a rarity

You never see that I'll take your word for it 3 o'clock in the morning But down in that end of town there's a lot of people that have licenses That go until 3 o'clock in the morning In Kitsilana? Oh, that Jaeger's. Oh, that's a different Jaeger's than I was thinking. There's more than one

place called Jaeger's? Is it Y-A-G-G-E-R-S? Yeah. Up on Broadway. Like Mick Jaeger. But there's one on downtown. Down on Pender. Yeah. That's what I was thinking of. Oh, and it's called Jaeger's too. Yeah. And the one I hate it so much

because it's got this sign outside that says, you're 12 steps away from a delicious beer. And then I'm like, am I 12 steps? Oh, well, 12 steps because of the 12 steps. That's what broke my heart because right next to it, I'm pretty sure

it's one of those homes. It's like a recovery house. Maybe it wasn't 12 steps. That's similar to a sign I saw in Amsterdam by the Anne Frank House where it said for a recovery house right next maybe it wasn't 12 so that's similar to a sign i saw in amsterdam by the uh and frank house uh where it said for a happy ending just that way there's a massage parlor you cross promote where you can yeah location location location um oh yeah drinking till three in the morning is great i I mean, while you're doing it. Yeah, yeah.

It is an absolute joy. Yeah. And then the next day, like, I mean, I don't know how people that, you know, drive school buses do it or something, you know. I hope they don't. Yeah, they probably don't. I'm sure they do. Yeah, that one from that movie. The whole school bus terror show. No.

Oh, I know. The Sweet Hereafter. Sweet Hereafter. Oh, right. Oh, I've only played the board game. Yeah. Oh, come on, School Bus. Don't go through the ice.

That's how they advertise it? But if the School Bus goes through the ice. Oh, no. So, wake daddy. What's her name? I want to say Sarah Palin, but it's not. Sarah Polly. Sarah Polly. Just her face crying right there. Yeah. Wake daddy! What's her name? I want to say Sarah Palin, but it's not. Sarah Polly.

Just her face crying right there. Yeah. That's the centerpiece of the board game. Sadness. All the game pieces are different sizes of tears. Adam Egoyan's films have gotten worse, though. I've got to be honest. I haven't watched... What's...

Eastern Promises? Was that? No, that was David Crononenberg oh david cronenberg who i love but uh bizarro like just something oh eastern promises is the greatest dead ringers that's my favorite of cronenberg that's what two jeremy irons is yeah right yeah what's the two john lithgow's oh yeah yeah that's when everybody thought he was a great actor. And that's the end of that. They were right.

Now they think he's a great children's entertainer. Yeah, he kind of lost his mind. But didn't he win, he won like the Emmy or something when he was... On Third Rock from the Sun? Yeah, I was going to say that. Oh my God. Boy, that show stood the test of time. It really has.

I'll tell you. Why aren't there more French Stewart projects? I don't know. I was gonna say more shows about aliens, but comedy shows about aliens. How many roles can you justify a guy squinting through? Just put him in the sun. That's all we need. I'll give him a microscope

and he can play a scientist. Oh, he would be perfect on like an NCSI as a funny lab guy. Or NCIS. What did I say? NCSI. Ooh, they should do that. Man TV. Being from England, we call that American NCIS. Oh, is there a

British one? Well, yeah, because it's a completely different game over there. Do you have Law & Order UK? We call it just Law & Order. Ah, yes. That's the weird thing. have uh we you have american law and order that's quite popular we haven't seen canadian law and order yet it's much slower it would be like the uk one but with dumber wigs it's three episodes of applying for a grant for your defense what are what are the wigs that the lawyers here wear oh that's right no it's not the

lawyers judges in the england the lawyers still wear the wigs yeah lawyers here wear? Oh, that's right. No, it's not the lawyers. They're like the judges. In England, lawyers still wear the wigs. Yeah. They wear beehive wigs. In Canada, they still have to wear the little robes, though. Yeah. The little robes. Yeah, I'm demeaning them. No, but they only go to the waist.

Yeah. In Thailand, they have to shave their legs. Oh, shut up. It's true. It's a wig and a shaved leg. That's part of the rule. In France, they have That's the Napoleonic They race to surrender

Both sides We can't both be guilty Come at each other with white flags Oh my goodness I hope this show doesn't get translated I don't know I think the odds of that are pretty low each other with white flags. Oh my goodness. I hope this show doesn't get translated. I don't know. I think the odds of that are pretty low.

Do you think there are French podcasts? No. I can't imagine it. It wouldn't work. What would they call it? Le podcast? Would it be Le podcast?

No, because they don't go even with email. They call it communication electronic. Wow, that's erotic. Yeah. Oh, kind of. But they'd have to call this L''audio de expositor you know something it's got to be something because

they wouldn't go for that americanization of podcasts that would just be unacceptable by their language police yeah when i was in school uh i tried to write something about the internet and oh they uh they were yeah they were like my was, there wasn't yet a bullshit French word for internet. And so, like. Le grand electronic. Le réseau de. They're very sensitive about the Americanisms getting into their language. The French, they're sensitive.

That's why they can produce such great films and music. They do good films, though. I mean, I love... That's what I'm saying. I mean, I enjoyed Mezrin a lot. I don't know what that is. Oh, you gotta... As a Canadian, you gotta see it, because we come across as dicks in a movie, which is kind of cool. It's a true story of this gangster in the 70s, and he gets locked up in Quebec and escapes

from prison here in Canada after being abused, but it's really... I like that. Really... There's two episodes, Mesreen and then the second, the sequel wasn't as good. It's a true story, though, so you can't make it up, I guess. Oh, you could.

You could add in a hilarious appearance by... John Lithgow. Jerry Lewis. The prison guard is played by Jerry Lewis. I can't even do a voice. I wanted to do a voice there, but... That you started, and it was like... That's your...

I gave up so soon. I was very French in that. I just... I'm Jerry Lewis. Dave, what's going on with you, buddy? You went to Europe. Yeah, we haven't recorded an episode in three weeks. You and Abby were part of the Eurovision song contest.

Are you serious? We represented Canada. That's fantastic. That part I wasn't serious about. Her and him was the name of your group. Uh-huh. Louis A. We. We went to Sweden.

Are you serious? I'm so jealous. Where? Gothenburg? Right outside Helsingborg. Helsingborg, wow. Right in the south. Right near Gothenburg? Right outside Helsingborg. Helsingborg. Wow. Right in the south.

Right near... Malmo. Right near Malmo. Right near Denmark. Yeah. I love that part of the world. Yeah. It was great.

Abby's got family over there. And we all flew in. Sure. Some of her family flew from China. And it was a fantastic two weeks. Yeah. It was like 10 days. I guess it was closer to like eight days.

Did you eat Logan Berries? We didn't eat Logan Berries. We had a lot of like, all the food there is either herring or licorice. Ew, really? Yeah, so I accidentally ate some licorice chocolates that were so gross. What about Aquavit? Did you drink it? We did have some Aquavit Makes the herring taste better

Yeah, it's like licorice schnapps No, there's so many different types Well, the one I had was Everything was licorice This sounds like a really horrible time and country Defendant They have regular food as well It's just what

Like we went to a movie And where usually you would smell popcorn in the air. I smelled licorice. Oh, I thought people were eating herring at the movie. They do that in Denmark. You'll just see stands where you just walk up and, hey, can I have a herring? And you're like, it's like a seal thing. And they just eat it.

Yeah, they put it in their mouth and they pull out a fish bone. And they cartoon clap. Really? Yeah. Gross. Come on, Europe. It's funny. He's not selling it well.

That's my favorite part of the world. Denmark, Sweden, and Norway. I just... I am sorry I'm not selling it well. It was fantastic. It's just... Yeah, you asked me if there was weird food in the world. The food is gross.

The liquor is horrible. The people are incredibly awesome. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just an educated. Yeah. And everyone speaks English and yeah, healthy. Like you don't see, you know.

Fat people. You don't see. But like you also. I see fat people. They're, even the old people are really healthy looking. And nudists. Like everybody's into that. Not so many nudists. No, old people are really healthy looking. And nudists. Everybody's into that. Not so many nudists in December.

I think so. Oh, really? Is it a very nude culture? Yeah, we went to a spa in Denmark. It's a sauna culture. Yeah. And we just thought, we'll go for a hot tub and a nice steam. A steam.

It was completely co-ed, buck naked. Hundreds of people. So are they taught in Sweden from a very early age that their body is not a gross? Oh, yeah. They're disgusting. There are these cartoon characters called Kiss and Bice. And Kiss is a drop of urine and Bice is a piece of poo. What?

Yeah. And you can get Kiss and Bice. Like we have a stuffed Kiss and Bice. Yeah, and you can get kiss and... Like, we have a stuffed kiss and vice. Yeah, sure. And then you can get... But why does that help you feel good about your body? Well, it's a natural thing that, you know, it's not... So, like, over there in Sweden, the urine and excrement is a delightful Disney-esque experience.

Sort of, yeah. It's not, like, something to be ashamed of. Oh, but it is, though. Maybe they're wrong. Yeah, I think poo should be shameful. Maybe they brought that body positive message and they just went, they went just one step too far. The naked part's fine, but yeah,

you can't tell your kids to be proud of poop. Some of us have nothing else to be proud of. That's true. That is true. that's what babies are for when you're young look I have no college degree but I can do this so it was fun it was an enjoyable time oh yeah it was super fun

I only have nieces in North America but Abby's Aunt Sheila has these two little boys dancing spider man I never get to hang out with little boys. Dancing Spider-Man. I never get to hang out with little boys, and they're so different from little girls, and I was just wrestling all the time. It was great.

Okay, it sounds bad now. Sandusky. Yeah, it sounds a little Sandusky. But you could lift them up and throw them around. It's true. They're pretty resilient from falls and stuff like that. And if they're having fun, the same fall when they're having fun doesn't hurt. But if things aren't going so good, that same fall, just tear fest.

I've always been fascinated by that. It's all the emotional equivalent of the moment that makes them cry or happy. Now, you have brothers or a brother. I've got older brothers. And Dave has a brother. An older brother. I have two younger brothers we were big wrestling household always wrestling yeah always throwing each other around

same with you yeah we used to play uh what's called uphill football because we had a hill in our front yard oh and so since i was the youngest i got to go downhill and since they were older they had to run uphill but we would just beat the crap out of each other but that was like really fun like i remember that as being fun and you never got hurt you just loved to play yeah and i know that you would get hurt now like i still will wrestle with my brothers if given the opportunity did you wrestle over christmas uh no you know what uh i was only there for a short time and i didn't have time to recover there was no recovery time built into the trip.

But I think I spent my whole first chunk of life wrestling with my brothers and stuff. And now I have zero wrestling in my life. I don't ever wrestle. We should start wrestling club. Yeah. I'm good. Dave, come on. It'll be fun.

I don't want to do that. Why not? Just get down to your underwear and let's make this fun. Yeah, let's make this like a Swedish pillow boner fight. Yeah, let's make it like a French-Swedish boner pillow fight. But one thing I wanted to do is

wrestle. Both ways over, I went through Heathrow Airport in London, in your hometown. I'm so sorry. And I had celebrity sightings both ways oh do you want to yeah i want to guess yeah but pete is reaching for oh because i have my iphone i'm going to send you a picture oh of when i was in the lineup at heathrow last time and i this is completely not a celebrity but and I don't actually know how to describe this. But I was stuck in the customs line, and it was three hours, first of all, which is unreasonable. It was three hours, but there was this woman there, and I kind of felt bad, but I don't know how to explain this.

But she had the largest breasts. Like Morgana the Kissing Bandit? Bigger than Morgana. Wait, wait, who's Morgana? You don't know Morgana? She was like Laurie Anderson. Yeah. No, she was this, she just run out on fields and kiss people?

Kiss baseball players. Yeah, but she had, like, her breasts were like this big. If she was in Pete and I's wrestling club, would you join then? No, she's, I don't want to touch a lady's boobs. Well, and also. What about in a wrestling context? But they're not attractive at that point. They're more like, oh, those got to be filled with cystic tumors.

Yeah. Baby spiders. Just something... Baby spiders. It's not a natural... They're not a natural occurrence. Like, there's no way... Those aren't...

Like, I know this sounds incredibly naive, but they're not real, right? I don't... Like, who... What doctor would put those in, though? But, like, what... I am confused, because in my mind, I sort of feel like fake boobs only started existing in 1989. Oh, no, that's not true. No, I saw a movie about them with David Schwimmer, and apparently they've been around for a while.

Oh, Breast Men. Yes, that one, yeah. But I don't know how long they've been around for. Like, what did they use? What did they use? Oh, they just used to use the stuff that's in a lava lamp. Well, yeah, I think it was silicon. Like, they used raw silicon, then they put it in things, and yeah. Oh, so they used to just not put them in bags?

I don't... No, they put them in burlap sacks. I think the original ones were just silicon injections. I know, I know. But I think, and then the body reabsorbs it and stuff, and you get joint, I don't know. I actually, you know, none of this has been FDA approved. You get joint pain, then you can't run out on a field and smooch a plane. Oh, my boob joints.

But yeah, I don't think Morganas were. But this woman had the same, but this is the weird thing about it. Okay, so she had breasts bigger than morgana's but obviously it seemed like she had not uh she decided to leave that field or whatever it was that needed those baseball field yeah i don't know what like she was but so she was dressed down um like uh please don't notice my breasts but you couldn't not notice my breasts because she had a red sweater on so she wasn't wearing a rockettes costume yeah like she was trying to you know she's going through custom a trench coat and you don't notice my breasts because she had a red sweater on. So she wasn't wearing a Rockettes costume. Yeah, like she was trying to, you know, she's going through customs. A trench coat.

And you don't notice it right away. When you first look, when your eyes scan across the car, you're just kind of like that. And then something in your brain goes, something wasn't right over there. And you go back and you're trying to figure out. And then you realize that it's like she was smuggling in something, you know? Oh, so that's why customs took so long. Well, yeah, that's the thing, yeah. But they were literally and i'm not exaggerating they were this big right

and for the home listener pete is stretching his arms out about it i forget we're not on i would i would say that yeah like barrel size is what yeah like and i took and i covertly took three pictures with my iphone and uh and threw them up there because it was... But I felt bad about it, too. Like, I was invading her... You were. You were invading her airspace. Well, I didn't know what to do because it was... Nothing would have been the gentlemanly thing.

You know, now I feel bad because I hope... Yeah, I mean, yeah, that was... You know what? I shouldn't have because I Twittered it. And I feel bad. All three pictures? No, just the best one. Just the best one.

Three of them were... And she clearly didn't know I did it. I was pretty covert. Until she went on Twitter. Yeah. Later she was like, I think I saw Pete Johansson in London. I'm following Ascaris. Oh, no, that's my British one.

I can't say that one on here. This is Pete Johansson. It's my UK one. Or no, my North American one. You have two Twitters? Yeah. Wow. can't say that one on here. This is Pete Johansson is my UK one or don't make North America one. You have two Twitters. Yeah. Wow. One for UK,

one for here. And you know, is it cause they use different plugs? They, the, no, it's cause they don't have a hash. They use something different than a hash.

Yeah. So the pound stamp. No, um, uh, it wasn't my fault. I was on Joe Rogan's podcast and I was using my old, uh, uh, handle this years and um he told me that was dumb and that nobody would be able to find me yeah so he just

started take it from joe rogan well no he's fantastic you know i i love joe he's got a great podcast and but he goes uh i had i think i had 50 followers on pete johansson and he goes no no for now on i'm okay everybody's looking at pete json. And within a day, I had like a thousand followers on that one. So I was like, oh, okay. So what I did, and that was cool because I was mainly North America. So I kept that as my North American. And then I went the other one for my UK. There you go. I just thought it would be, that way I can promote differently. So the two celebrities that I saw. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. One was left breast and right breast were morgana the kissing bandit and joe rogan morgana sounds like she hosts her own late night horror movie show is that uh oh you're

thinking of elvira yeah but she also had yes she did but she had like a blue vein in it that's what made her scary she had one really prominent blue vein at the top of her breast that you couldn't not look at. I wish I could have taken a picture when Dave was just making that sound. It's like your head was going to explode because you puffed out your cheeks so much. Okay, the two celebrities you saw. Yeah, well, I mean, one was a set of two celebrities. One was a musical group of two. Jedward.

Two women. Who's Jedward? Oh, are they not famous here? The two kids with the hair that goes through? Oh, it was Jedward.

Oh, wait. Okay. So it's a duo. It's a duo musical group. Oh, shit. Flight of the Conchords. Nope.

Sunny and Cher. Women. It's two women. Two lady women. I don't know any two no neither do I from the 80s

Roxette I'm just naming people going to Sweden they weren't necessarily going to Sweden they were just going through security oh Wilson Phillips that would have been a good one they were African American and remain that way.

Salt-N-Pepa? It was Salt-N-Pepa. How would you recognize Salt-N-Pepa? Oh, well, you couldn't not. It was Pepa that's the giant. She's less masculine now. But she's like a giant. She seems giant, but not in person.

Oh, okay. Really? Yeah. I mean, Salt is very small. Oh, okay. So Pepa seems giant. Ooh, hey, Salt. Now, this might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure, didn't they grow up with Martin Lawrence?

They all worked together at the same job, and then they became famous, and then Martin Lawrence became famous. Because of his connection to Salt and Peppa? I don't know. I don't know if they helped him out, but I remember in some interview that they all knew each other. I believe it. That's kind of neat. It's like when Al Gore and Tommy Lee Jones shared a... How crazy a story is that?

When I first heard that, I was like, no way. And then Love Story is apparently about Al Gore? No, is that a lie? Oh, no. Love Story is not about Al. Because Love Story... Ally McGrath, Ryan Onyek. Yeah, when she dies.

Apparently that was somebody Al Gore was in love with. Oh, I thought it was Tommy Lee Jones. Oh, was it Tommy Lee Jones? I'm going to go ahead and say no one cares. No, it was based on... Okay, so you saw Salt and... Spinderella wasn't there. How crazy was it?

Were they wearing a ball jacket? No, they were wearing very expensive tracksuits. Really? Yeah. Wow. What is an expensive tracksuit? I don't know, like a juicy couture thing. I don't know.

It was like a Gucci couture. It just doesn't seem like there's any type of tracksuit that you wouldn't find at TK Maxx or Winners or whatever the stores are that have the discount. That's high class, right? Yeah uh did you recognize them right away abby saw them right away that's crazy and was like i think that's peppa oh i think that's salt oh that's definitely peppa and then pointing them out to me wow that's really that to me that would be like, that would kind of shake my confidence. Okay. And the other person was way famous-er. Maybe one of the most famous people in the world in the 20th century.

Martin Lawrence. And they weren't talking to each other, and that's what's so great about it. Tom Hanks? I would say famous-er. More famous than Tom Hanks? Yeah. Like, this guy that you were talking about is an actor? Nope. Oh. A musician. Oh, this guy that you were talking about is an actor? Nope.

Oh, a musician. Oh, is it Barack Obama? Bono. No. He was a British man. Bono. George Michael. Famouser than George Michael.

I shared an elevator with him. Oh, the guy from Coldplay. Which is unbelievable. What's his name? Chris. Elton John. Chris Noth. Elton John.

I'm going to say bigger than Elton John. What? There's nobody Bigger than That doesn't make Any sense now I mean this guy He's Rocket Man You know

Yeah Let's not Denigrate He did the Princess Dies song You know like It was Bernie Tauber Oh well

Touche Andrew Lloyd Webber No Does anybody even know Who he looks like He's bigger than Elton John I'm trying to think

oh oh oh oh Paul McCartney yes what yes what Sir Paul McCartney Sir Paul McCartney

yeah he is more famous than Elton John yeah that's kind of a coup right there you were on an elevator with Sir Paul McCartney what does he smell like what does he smell like

he smells like apples weed he smells like apple weed we were transferring to a different terminal. He flies commercial? Well, here's the thing. I think this might not have been Paul McCartney.

There was a really crowded elevator, and we were like, do we take the escalator or the elevator? And we ran for this elevator, and we were the last two people in, and we didn't notice, but everyone was staring at this guy. And when we got off, Abby was like, that's Paul McCartney. Wow. And he went off to his own area that no one else followed. This might be the lead singer of the Beatles makeup band. The cover band. No, maybe he chartered a flight out of it there.

Yeah, he would have to fly out of an airport. He'd fly to Luton. All the private jets fly out of Luton City. We all had our... We had all gone through security, and he had a huge guitar that he was carrying. That said, The Beatles. We didn't see his face. We just saw his guitar.

Happy to right away from the top swing. Did he play bass or lead? He played bass. Yeah, so why would he be carrying a guitar? Well, he plays guitar as well. Hole in story poked. No, he plays guitar, right?

He played guitar in Wings. Yeah. He played guitar in The Beatles as well. Did he? Yeah, yesterday. Oh, yeah. I thought he played piano in that. There's no piano in that.

He also plays piano, though. He wasn't carrying a piano. Hole in story, Poe. You saw Paul McCartney. That is like the coolest. Did you say anything to him? No. Did you say like, hey?

He was with his kid. Yes, I said, hey Jude. Hey Jude. I noticed you played piano on Hey Jude. That's something I noticed. I told myself I was going to laugh on this podcast. So that was pretty great. That is pretty great.

I think that's possibly the best famous person you could see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. Because there's nobody that's not going to be excited by that. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah. The only like Paul McCartney-y thing he did, I heard him tell a little joke to his daughter.

Stella? No, he's got a daughter with the Heather Mills. What? That's right, yeah. Does the kid have both legs? That's genetic. It's on her side of the family. Everybody has only one leg.

I don't know. I'm sorry. And they were going, like, we were going from minus two, the floor, to plus two, or just a two. So you're terminal four. I guess. I don't know. I'm just throwing down the lingo. Yeah, here you go. I think it was five. It could have been five.

And he, the daughter was like, are we going to two or two minus? And he said two. And then other people were throwing in their two cents. I think there were like pilots on the elevator as well. We're going to three. And there wasn't a three to choose from.

And so she was looking all confused and looking back up at her dad and back and forth. And he said, we're going to three minus one. That's pretty good. Thank you. That's actually not a bad Liverpool accent. That would have been a good easy in for the pilots. Like, we fly a thing that has wings. You played in a van called Wings.

We've been a very natural conversation starter. They might have been the pilots for his plane. How many pilots do you think? How many pilots does it take to fly a Beatles project? I just stopped flying a bitch with one leg. What? When did he fly her? I don't know.

I don't know how to break the ice with Paul McCartney. My ex-wife also only has one leg. My other ex-wife is dead. She couldn't handle the vegetarianism. Sorry, Paul. I hope you're not listening. He's not.

No, he might. He's a listener. You know he's a pothead. I do know he's a big pothead. It's a pothead he i do know he's a big pothead yeah well it's a fact that's what lucy in the sky's diamonds is about pot he's been injecting pot for years so he's a lot of fun yeah he was it sounds like a lot of fun i'm actually jokes on the elevator it's so funny because i because that's actually so exciting.

Yeah, it was super exciting at the time. I love that. I'm so seldomly impressed with star sightings, but that is one that I, yeah. You didn't even do anything that great. That's not even a great story, but it's like, hey, I was in a very small, very large elevator, but a very cramped elevator. That's a lot of fun. Wow.

And we didn't even recognize it until we were exiting, so I couldn't... Well, you don't know what you got until it's gone. That's classic Paul McCartney. That was Joni Mitchell. A lot of people consider him... Did Joni Mitchell date Jim Carrey? What? What?

Now I'm questioning your Martin Lawrence Salt-N-Gaba story. Do you get Joni Mitchell and Jenny McCarthy mixed up? Well, which one told me not to vaccinate my kid? Both. Yeah, both. Fair enough.

She looked at autism from both sides. Dr. Jenny McCarthy knows what she's talking about. She went to seven years of Playboy research. Graham, how was your 21 days without me? Ter terrible it was a shit holiday and i'm glad it's over thanks for touching my leg um but i'm glad to be back here on the podcast uh i don't really have any stories it was a grim it was a grim season this holiday season you went to calgary right yeah i don't want to talk about that. There's two things that happened during the holiday season.

And I don't know if this is just... First of all, there's this commercial. And every time I write about it on Twitter, I know you respond. So I know that we both have a fondness for this commercial. Skin tags. No. Although I love skin tag commercials. There's an IKEA commercial that I don't know if it's just Canadian. The woman?

It's the woman and the man in the kitchen together. And they're just finishing up cleaning dishes. Cleaning up after a party, it looks like. Yeah. And she's kind of dusting things off of the counter. And he's preoccupied. And the whole ad is a setup where she's you know, it's very nicely done

but basically she's trying to get him to fuck her on the kitchen counter. Right? That's the not subtext, the text. It's subtext. He says let's go upstairs and then she goes why this is still under warranty?

It's still subtext it's not let's do it no but she says it like that that's really interesting she's got she's this guy her husband or i'm guessing husband because you you you when you marry someone then you get you buy new counters yeah they go under warranty it's not not a... A live-in boyfriend. Yeah. Also, it's not his place or her place. Yeah. It might have been her place.

Early on in my relationship with Courtney, we were at Ikea in the one out there, New West, is it? Yeah, yeah. And we were buying stuff for our place

and we were kissing in the lineup, okay? This is true. Kissing in the lineup and the checkout clerk looked at us and said, you need to leave the store. That's unacceptable behavior. What?

Really? Yeah. And we were newlyweds and we were just, it's not like I had a finger up or snatch. I was kissing her, right? Excuse me? It's an old thing Paul McCartney used to say.

Yeah. I'm sorry. What's a finger? Sorry. My sensibilities are off because I'm from the UK. Oh, right. In the UK, it would be C word, C word. Well, there's actually a children's...

It's not like I had a C word up or C word. There's a children's character called Finger Up Your Snaps. He's a telecom. It's like one of the more less popular, but it's still out there. Kids still have the dolls. But no, but I was kissing her and it wasn't like that. It was just kissing. And she was mad at us, like mad at us for kissing the lineup.

And I go, you're joking, right? She goes, no, you have to leave the store if you're going to behave like that. Really? Yeah. And so I called the manager over and I complained about it. And I explained, we just got married. This is like, you're really, you're telling me that this isn't a destination for newlyweds about yeah yeah yeah it's not Ikea where yeah I know we're romantic about saying you're late and the guy goes I completely apologize

and they sent her home the uh the woman that said she was just a bitter old yeah apparently I reminded her of her it's so much so that Abby and I have a thing every time we go to ikea where we point out couples it's called ikea love yeah absolutely no their whole new thing is it's a couple's couple couples but this ad it has the couple and it kind of ends off that she's she's like grabbing him by the hand and and he's clueless he does not know what to do with but sex is imminent he's a pretty lady he's a pretty lady they're a very handsome couple but he doesn't know no he doesn't know what's gonna happen yeah she's gonna do weird things they want on television the harmless sort of you know they don't know they want a lothario no they want to what he's doing

they want to if tv has taught me anything pretty lady equals fat slob yeah husband so they should have got uh you know a king of queens sure he was busy though blarting he was blarting and they didn't want to push the limits of the table yeah i mean i mean come on we got a good table but we don't get that yeah this is still particle board i mean you assembled this yourself how you know but this is the thing that i was when i was watching it last uh commercials over you know since basically since the uh commercial like advertisers have figured out like you can have a website for a product and they'll create a storyline in a commercial and then they'll say do you want to know more yeah go to you know absolute vodka.com do they

have that on that commercial no no that's what i'm saying that is like the one time i would go to ikea.com to see what happens next with the uh couple about to have sex that's a great idea i know i'm a marketing genius wow they did that with the remember the nescafe oh yeah. That's a great idea. I know. I'm a marketing genius. Wow. They did that with the... Remember the Nescafe? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a long sort of soap opera-y sort of thing, wasn't it? Where you... Yeah.

No, Borelli Pasta. That was another one. Oh, yeah, that was the one. Did we talk about this? Yeah, we did. We talked about the lady, yeah, with the guy across the street that brings over a spaghetti. That's just the creepiest thing that ever happened in real life. No, I'd be right about it.

If I got some spaghetti just left on my porch. Oh, it's expensive. It's like three bucks. Yeah. And if it's like, oh, my neighbor. Doorstop spaghetti, just no, it's not my thing. But is that, would you go to Ikea.com if it was like to find out? Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. I'd like to see that table start twittering. Like just. Yeah. If this table could talk that's the twitter handle ow ow ow warranty broken

that's the last post there's no warranty for my morals oh yeah the countertops are super religious yeah that's a christian countertop over there my friend this is an orthodox you need to put a sheet down and cut a hole in it yeah you gotta bury this counter once it's touched so there's that i saw that and then the other thing that i saw and i'd never watched uh more than just like 10 minutes of an episode, is there was a spinoff show from the Cake Boss where it's Cake Boss, the next Great Baker, whatever the fuck that means. That's not a thing.

There's no title of that. Yeah, there hasn't been a Great Baker yet. No, there's bakers, but that's not a thing that people... Want to be? No, it's not that they don't want to be, but that's not a title. Yeah. Like, it's... It's not like Highlanders.

Where there can only be one baker. There can be lots of... There's no one next great baker a year. There could be thousands. Well, I'd go with there's no great candlestick maker. Sure. There's maybe only one great candlestick maker. I would watch a show that's the next great

candlestick and maybe not a great butcher but i think there's got i mean there's some baker names that pot like duncan hines isn't that a famous baker yeah i think that's betty crocker yeah yes sure that's a baker isn't it rick baker from the star wars movies but there was an episode i watched and the whole thing it's one of the funniest things I've seen on television, probably in the last decade, I'm going to say. Just purely from, because you knew it, it started out, the premise is hilarious. They made these bakers make life-size cakes of Cake Boss's sisters, and his mom is one of them. And it is... He doesn't have...

Is this where they take the word of God and they put it in the mouth of the cake and it comes to life? Yeah, it's a Gollum cake. It's a Gollum cake. He doesn't have... Cake Boss doesn't have a handsome family. No.

And that's where it is. I mean, there is one scene in it that I'm like, you couldn't write something as perfectly funny where the one sister, I mean, there is one scene in it that I'm like, you couldn't write something as perfectly funny where the one sister, I guess, or maybe it's his mom, comes in and goes, that doesn't look anything like me. And they cut from her to the cake and it looks exactly like her. Oh, no. But the one cake, the whole bottom part of the cake fell off. So it was just a cake torso with wires coming out of it.

And then the other one couldn't stand up on its own, so they gave her a giant golden cane. And that came true. His sister now has to use a cane. This is a Hans Christian Andersen story. Honestly. At some point. But if you can find that online, online like if you're having a bad

week or a bad day that episode of cake box is the remedy because uh the next great baker i love that i'm gonna i'm gonna definitely it's so funny and then uh what they do with the cakes uh after they've been revealed is the craziest what What do they do with the cakes? Yeah, reveal it for me right now. They roll over it with a steamroller. Are you serious?

The loser cake? No, all three of the cakes are so bad they're all loser cakes. They really got to show this show in Africa. Yeah, exactly.

Just to watch. This is what we do. Yeah, we made a life-size cake of these ugly women. And then we've rolled over with a sticky roll. How's that mouthful of sand? How's that?

How awful is that? What is wrong with us? It's Christmas time. Anyway, so that's what I've been up to. Laughing and loving. Oh, wow. Should we take care of some business? Why not? Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. laughing and loving oh wow uh should we take care of some business why not

don't get carried away you gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day you gotta shine your shoes you gotta sweep the floor you gotta clean your house you gotta do take care of beers and yes business time that means that we have a sponsor for today's episode and the sponsor this week is topetico or topatico you say to pay to go i say to pay to go you say to potico let's let's call the whole thing visit to potico.com to pay to go or to patico uh it's it's the company that is that makes our t-shirts the stop podcasting yourself t-shirts and all company that makes our t-shirts, the Stop Podcasting Yourself t-shirts, and all of the Maximum Fun t-shirts. Go to maxfunstore.com. It redirects you to topatico.com.

And it's crazy because it's not just Maximum Fun. It's some of the longest standing, most beloved creations on the internet have their merchandise and t-shirts and stuff done by Topotico. It's the same website, no matter how I pronounce it. It's true. But there's Wonder Mark and Brandon Bird. Axe Cop.

Beloved, beloved Axe Cop. Yeah, Jonathan Colton. Dinosaur Comics. There's like 45 different uh these were just the ones that i recognized and i i'm a i don't know anything about anything you know i recognized a few but there's a litany of uh groups organizations is a litany a good thing uh yeah i think so it's always good things that come in litanies. Yeah. Small, good things come in small packages and in litanies. And in,

uh, celebrity deaths come in threes. Uh, yeah. Um, uh, who was the last one who died? Miley Cyrus.

Yeah, Billy Mays. Miley Cyrus, Billy Mays, and Shoeless Joe Jackson. Yeah, the big three. You'll be missed.

2011. But they, uh, it's going to be a weird Oscars retrospective. Uh, yeah, go to Topetico.com. Everything that's great on the internet gets their stuff from Topetico.com or Topetico.com. And they do fantastic work. We had the pleasure of meeting Holly, who works there.

She was on our pub quiz team. Yes, and she's delightful. And the company is fantastic. So why don't you get off your duff and go check out Topatoco.com. T-O-P-A-T-O-C-O dot com. C-O-M. Now let's move on to Overheard. Overheard. Now let's move on to Overherds. Overherds.

Overherds. A segment where people out in their daily life, maybe they're transit users, maybe you're in a bank lineup. Maybe you're in an escalator. An elevator with Paul McCartney. Sir Paul McCartney. Well, before we do Overherds. I do it. It's time for my favorite segment, Celebrity Birthdays.

We still haven't got any feedback about it. Not a word of feedback about this segment. Oh, but, okay. Yeah, we're recording this episode on January 7th. It's a Saturday. Happy Saturday. Shalom.

It's the second day of Ukrainian Christmas. Is it? Yeah. Is it really? Do they have the same amount? Do we have more than one day of Christmas? No, they have 12. What do we have, eight? We got one.

We only have one. We have Christmas Day. We the people. So was Jesus born every day in the 12th? Jesus was a tough delivery. He was a bridge bird. He came out backwards. It's that halo. Oh, which was a wise man.

It's the forceps wrapped around the halo trying to get him out. So, celebrating a celebrity birthday today, Oscar winner Dustin Diamond turns 35 today. Oh, what did he win the Oscar for? He won multiple Oscars, I think. Where do you start? For editing sound. Yeah. Curly hair.

Dustin Diamond. Isn't he the guy? He's Screech from Saved by the Bell. He's awful. He's awful. So he's one off of 40? No, he's 35. Oh, I thought you said 39.

No. My apologies to you and your Screech. And to Dustin. He's aging well, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's getting better with age. He really is.

And less gross. Yeah. Nicholas Cage is an actor who turns 48 today. Congratulations. 48? No way. He's got to be older than that. His hair is turning 22. Really?

It seems high. He seems 12. I think he might be a little crazy. Oh, what? What? Have you seen him lately? I heard he stole the Declaration of Independence. I heard that his son has...

Because the crazy gene is carried on the man side. According to the Tea Party, that was Obama. Hey, I haven't seen his birth certificate yet. It's for sale in Kenya. Newswoman Katie Couric is 55 today. Well, that was the weirdest way you said it. I don't know how to introduce some of these people. Katie Couric's 55 today. Well, that was the weirdest way you said it. I don't know how to introduce some of these people. Katie Couric's older than Nicolas Cage?

Yeah, by seven. I disagree. And older than Nicolas Shea. I'd take that to a French court. I give in. Uncle. Uncle. Kenny Loggins, singer-songwriter from the 1980s, is 64.

That seems right. And the answer to our trivia question, Kenny Loggins, singer-songwriter from the 1980s, is 64. That seems right. And the answer to our trivia question, this TV star has electric orange pubic hair. David Caruso is 56. Oh, wow. That was our trivia question. David Caruso.

Remember when he was on NYPD Blue? And then he was like, I'm out of this popsicle stick. Yeah, I'm going to star in Jade. It's going to put me over the top. And then he just went back to being the exact same character on a different show. On a much more successful show. What was the name of the screenwriter for Jade? He was so hot there. And then he penned Showgirls.

Oh, Paul Verhoeven? Yeah. He's the director. Oh, Joe Esterhaus. Joe Esterhaus. He did Basic Instinct as well? Yeah, yeah. Everybody thought, oh, this guy. verhoeven yeah he's the ester house director oh joe ester joe ester house he did um basic instinct as well yeah yeah everybody oh this guy he's he's everybody he touches his gold you know basic instinct what was the mad parody basically it stinks it's really good right oh hey do you know

crack.com is still around yes oh yeah and better than ever. It's really, probably read it at least once a week. We've got some kind of cool article on there. It's one of those many list websites. Yes. I'm kind of sick of lists. Like, there's so many of them, top ten. I guess people love that. They love a list.

Yeah, especially this time of year. Yeah, that's right. People love to count things down. People love to retrospect. Like, look at the Ukrainians with their Christmas. Those Ukrainians. Top 12 days. The Eucharist Ukrainians. the Ukrainians with their Christmas. Those Ukrainians. Top 12 days. The Eucharist Ukrainians.

The Ukrainians with their pick-a-nick-a-baskets. Speaking of Basic Instinct, when I was in Sweden, they had commercials for Basic Instinct. Just like, oh, this movie's going to be on TV tonight. Just the vagina. But, like, they had that in the commercial! Well, why beat around the bush? Oh, no. Oh, no.

You guys would be practicing that outside for 10 minutes. Really? You just came up with that? That's too natural. The thing about that, and if you don't mind me saying, the basic instinct with Bush is the most disappointing moment in film. Because maybe my eyesight's bad, but I just didn't see anything. And I've looked and I've stopped.

And maybe it's the old- It looked a lot like Newman. The old 480 grain quality, you know? Yeah. You're panicking and scanning. But I just, I couldn't, I never really got a good view of the vagina. It's not sex. No.

Well, it's not like Romance X, you know? Or like some of the French films where they have, you know, or Bazet Moi or, you know... We don't watch French movies French films have taken it they're full penetration or Brown Bunny with What's His Pickle but that was a penis

that wasn't really anything is that good though? no that's where it's good I think we've talked about this on the podcast in the long run that's what will happen. Like, it's already happening where, like, a...

Porn and film will meet. Yeah, like, it'll just meet somewhere in the middle, and people will go to movies, and famous actresses and actors of the day will have sex on camera, and you'll watch it. With a wicked plot around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the sex scenes in movies

will no longer be cut away to... They will have sex in them. And ultimately, I think the whole sex thing, the last century... I mean, we're going to finally realize that sex isn't that big a deal at some point. We can start focusing on other shit. Because we've wasted way too much time

on just making people feel shitty about a biological impulse at this point. And their bodies. We make people get psychological. At some point, we're just going to go enjoy it and move on. And we'll start worrying about morals and ethics and screwing poor people out of things rather than focusing so much on sex. You haven't overheard, Pete. Good sex. You have an overheard, Pete. Good sex.

Okay, well, I don't know if this is an overheard, but there's a regular guy. I used to have to take the bus from Highgate to my place in Muswell Hill. In Highgate from Muswell Hill? Yeah. That's how they all do it. That's before I get the kid to clean my chimney. That's what everybody sounded like. What do they call the bus? They call it the bus. Oh. I know, it it's disappointing but it's got two floors on it it's a double decky

a desmond decker bus yeah i believe that's is there any like cockney rhyming slang for a bus like it rhymes with octopus so they call call it. Eight arms to hold you. Funt? I don't know. How does Cockney rhyming slang, how does that work? Apples and pears? Yeah. Stairs? I don't know. I don't know. Cockney's confusing. Even

where Cockney's from is weird, because it has to be born within ear distance of St. Mary's bells ringing. You know? It's a strange, like, is there a line for that? Is that a clear day? Foggy day? How hard are they ringing the bell? You know?

I like it. Ear distance. Yeah. The ear distance on that. It's just, you know, how many farthings, you know? Just everything is just, ah, it's so confusing. And they're good people, but, ah, whatever. But there's this guy, and he used to, he's obviously got a mental, you know how when

you know somebody's kind of got a mental problem because they're big, you know? Like, you ever just see somebody, like, I don't know what it is, autistic or whatever, but he's, but sometimes their heads get big. The part of their brain that told them to stop growing. Yeah. And it didn't work. Yeah, and so he's just a little extra big. Sure.

Like everywhere kind of. Like he's a big guy. And he'd stand in the bus and then he would just do things. It was just, it was hilarious once I figured out what he was doing. But he would whisper his opinions of people into his sleeve. Like the way that lady's being very inconsiderate with her cart like he's reporting it to somebody like it was like a it was like a secret service sort of thing but he was doing it with a straight face and he would just lean and whenever somebody did

something rude or dumb or sometimes you just narrate mundane things but he would just whisper it into his sleeve and i and after a, I looked forward to seeing him. Yeah. You know, like, just... And he wouldn't smile or... He didn't want to talk to anybody, but he would do it just loud enough so you could hear... And it was just... It was so entertaining. Would the person he was talking about always hear him?

Sometimes. Like, it was... That's what... That's the greatest part, is that he's... That's a great coping mechanism for people's bad behavior around you, is you're reporting it. But it was fascinating like you obviously saw some sort of secret service movie where they talked into their thing and but they were really petty about it yeah really the basic yes but that i mean it says i i only i and yeah i mean courtney used to laugh our butts off of this guy but i mean you know not

loudly because he would have reported you. Yeah. Couple laughing at me. Couple laughing at me. But it was just, it was such a funny concept. I was like, dude, this is awesome. But yeah, I don't know what he had. Because he was obviously functional.

And it wasn't like schizophrenia, I don't think. Yeah, I don't think we can diagnose him today. But what if he was, you know, what if he was? Yeah, what if he was observing and reporting? Yeah, the rude secrets. Oh, I never even thought about that. Maybe he thought he was, you know, what if he was? Yeah, what if he was observing and reporting? Yeah, the rude secret server. Oh, I never even thought about that. Maybe he thought he was an alien. Maybe he was an alien.

Yeah. Like that movie, Observe and Report, about the alien. Is that what that's about? Was that a movie? Was that with Gary Shandling? Yep. What? No.

Observe and Report was Seth Rogen. What was the one where Gary Shandling was an alien and he came? What planet are you from? Yeah. That was a hit, right? Was that a hit? That was Seth Rogen. What was the one where Gary Shandling was an alien and he came... What planet are you from? Yeah. That was a hit, right? Was that a hit? That was a monster hit. Is that one of the biggest failures ever?

Town and Country? Town and Country. That's the biggest. The $110 million recouped three. What is Town and Country? Is that also Gary Shandling? Yeah, he's in that. Warren Beatty is the main...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was 11 years in its creation and it just no but technically the pluto nash movie right was the most though okay yeah andy kindler's i've only played about pluto nash is probably one of my favorite short just short jokes so he said here's the pitch for Pluto Nash. Eddie Murphy works in a bar. No?

On the moon? No? God bless you. Dave, do you have an overheard? Barely. This was frustrating because we haven't done a show in so long. I assumed I would accumulate a couple. Yeah.

But they were all in Swedish. I was in a country where no one spoke. Well, they spoke English, but... You have over-smelled. Not to each other. Licorice. I got a waft of real licorice. And to be fair to yourself, you overheard Paul McCartney talking to his daughter.

So it's like, you know, you don't have to try too hard. You don't even have to do one. Here's the only one that made me chuckle. I was waiting for the bus the other day and there was a woman about to get on the bus and she was just carrying a bag and the bag said, My organic baby.

I don't know what that is. Is it a store? It could be horrifying. Is it a product? Yeah. If she puts that in her compost, that could start a forensic test. Get the guys in from Chilliwack if you got another one.

At what point does your baby stop being organic? When you feed it corn syrup? When you give it breast implants. When it gets its first, I was going to say, what is it? Pesticide? When you spray it with pesticides. Yeah, when you spray it with pesticides. Yeah, when you spray it with pesticides. It's no longer an organic.

What about, like, in Mexico, they pierce babies' ears. They do? Yeah. Why? Because it's cute. It is. It's pretty adorable when they wear, when they get their first poop. Well, very young.

I don't know about babies. And also, by Mexico, I think I mean... Spain? Yeah. South America?ica no i think it's mexico um my overheard is actually it's the result of a miss it's a miss overheard uh i i misheard something but it made it great um i always have uh whenever I have to work from home, I always have the television on in the background. Just whatever. Just a sound, basically.

And I was in the kitchen and it was Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? What planet are you from? Yeah, what planet are you from? Millionaire edition. It was Who Wants to Be a Million millionaire and they i couldn't see the question i could only hear it

and uh the question i thought i heard was uh philip roth is what kind of rock and i was like what a fucking crazy question that's like yeah i was like philip roth is an author yes he's an author he's not a rock but it was one of those like if you were like yeah if you were a rock what i was like yeah that's like a job interview question i was like i guess like an rock would you well there's tons of types because i'm made up of a lot of other things fused together, I'm limestone. Yeah. Or I'm,

you know, what, what is the stone that has lots of holes in it? Like a volcanic rock. I float on water. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Rock voisine. But anyways, I was so confused that I dropped what I was doing. Cause I was like, I don't know what the fucking answer to this crazy. What kind of rock is Philip Roth? And when I saw it on the screen, it was Plymouth Rock is what kind of rock. Not Philip Roth.

I would like to know the answer to that, too. What kind of rock is Philip Roth? I gave up as soon as I knew it wasn't about Philip Roth. Well, apparently Plymouth Rock landed on us. Yeah. Ah, yeah. Little known fact. That should have been the question.

Yeah. Who did Plymouth Rock land on? Us. Us. You. Him. Black people. You.

Him. Black people. Now, we also have overheards in addition to our great round of overheards. We have people who listen to the show send in their overheards. If you want to do the same, you can send them in to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And here's the first one. It's from Lauren P. Laurenuren p overheard at the bar here i'll send you a picture of my balls

as opposed to i don't know but maybe he was talking to a guy i'll settle you i'll settle this back yeah or maybe it was I feel like my balls look weird. And then his friend was like, no, they're fine. Okay, look, I'll send you a picture of my balls. How old were these people? And did he have to take a picture or did he have it on his phone? Sexting is kind of getting out of hand, though. That's what I hear.

Have you seen that website? No. What's the website? GrahamClark.com. IsAnyoneUp.com. Have you seen that? Nope. Oh, my God. god talk about you'll

waste five hours on it it's just this guy um he puts up anybody's pictures that anonymously submits plus he goes on facebook and he convinces girls to show him stuff and then he puts the clips up and uh it's actually it's vastly entertaining like it I bet. He was on CNN last week. His name's Hunter Moore or something like that and he had the girls on. I got to kind of be on his side for the rest of the thing because I'm listening to it, I'm watching and he goes, well, if you don't want pictures

of you up on the internet, don't take them. It's like, yeah, he kind of has a good point. You know, like, yeah, if you don't want them, you know, maybe. And they were mad at him because they sent, they trustingly sent it to some guy who obviously they. Who they didn't know. Yeah.

Well, you don't send your pictures to guys if you don't expect them. Like, I mean, in all honesty, you can't expect. I just, it's crazy to me to expect that kind of privacy if I sent my picture around anywhere. Are there naked pictures of you anywhere? Yeah. There used to be a long time ago when I had my first website. Oh, this is an awful pot. You know, if you don't want to tell a story about having naked pictures of yourself, don't.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. But I did. On my very first website. This is back like real low pixel, you know, like. Enhance. Enhance. Yeah.

It was a free Yahoo site. remember when yahoo used to sponsor it was before they bought up geocity i think oh yeah yeah and i did geocity i thought it was geocity that's the italian pronunciation my entire website was animated so i drew pictures of everything like with my hand like that bunnies killing things. It was awful. It was the sight of a diseased mind. It was just unhealthy from start to finish. And I had this one sort of road girl galleries. When I was on the road, even back then, this was before digital cameras, I'd take film pictures.

I was amazed at how many girls would just let me take naked pictures of them. Everyone. I don't remember a girl going, no. Human body is a beautiful thing. Yeah. According to the Swedes. And I like to remember. So anyway, a couple of them had my fella in it.

Anyways, so. When you would get them back, you're a corner man. Would you get them developed or like Polaroid? Oh, the guy that developed them looked forward to me coming in all the time. Oh, really? He was just on the corner of the street. And I remember it was on Highland and Wilshire. And I'd go into this little shop and go, hey me coming in all the time. Oh, really? He was on the corner of the street and I remember it was on Highland and Wilshire, and I'd go into this

little shop and go, hey, we've got more film on the way! Oh, what a fun. The world was a lot more fun when you didn't have access to everything. Yeah. It was 22-minute developers. I remember that, because I didn't want the time to wait for one hour. Graham, any naked pictures of you? Oh, God, no. want the time to wait for one hour. I grant many naked pictures of you.

Oh, God, no. No, they don't exist. Period. Because why? How would that have happened? I would have been the only one to have taken it. Why? For what reference?

I got mirrors. Maybe you're not seeing every angle. Oh, nah. I got lots of mirrors. The angle of your dangle? At some point a mirror will be able to just hold your image that you want. Like just walk up and just freeze that image and that'll be the... Yeah, I think that exists. You think it exists already?

Yeah. I think at Spencer Gifts. Will it hold the image on your face? Ooh. Oh. Like when your mom is like, don't make that that face it'll freeze that way and then there's a new technology that lets it that would be like isn't that like botox yeah like you just botox your kid's face to teach him a lesson it's a good idea your face will freeze you like that expression

there you go take that meg ryan oh wow yeah it bow tie? Her problem was the lips, though. The collagen? What was the movie she did with Mark Ruffalo where I was like, what is this creature? It was like that. Corner Man? Fighted? Ragged? What did you call Hillbilly?

Hillbilly hand fishing. Hand fishing. Oh, yeah. She looked like she was just caught. Hand fishing. We have another overheard from a guy named jeff c while having breakfast at denny's in brackets gross uh editorial from him i disagree by the way oh really it's gross no come on it's a good it's a fine breakfast it's not a fine break it's disgusting

i'm in the middle i haven't had denny's for so long that I actually kind of look forward to it when I first have it. Yeah, and then you'll have it, and then you'll go, ah, yes. No, it's so simple they don't screw it up. Oh, I think... I'm good. Let's agree to disagree. I'm a white spot fan. Sure.

This is while having breakfast at Denny's. Gross. Gross. A man seated behind... This is courtesy of this gentleman's mom, so everything is behind her. She heard a man seated behind her say to the waitress, Excuse me, I asked for a Swiss cheese omelette. This is American cheese.

A few minutes later, when the waitress came back with another omelette, the customer complained again. I asked for Swiss cheese. This is all still American. To which the waitress replied in an annoyed tone, Sir, American cheese is the only kind of Swiss cheese we have. You can get Swiss cheese made in Canada. Sure.

It doesn't have to be made by the Swiss. It's like champagne. Doesn't it have to be labeled Swiss cheese if it's made in Canada. Sure. It doesn't have to be made by the Swiss. I thought it was like champagne. Doesn't it have to be labeled Swiss cheese if it's made in certain places? No, it says on the label, Swiss cheese. Made in Canada. Made in Canada.

And you can get German Swiss cheese? I wonder if that's kind of like the queen of Netherlands being born on a little patch of soil in Ottawa that they gave to Netherlands during the war because they were taken over by Germany so that she could be born on soil. That's born on soil. They probably do the same thing here. They probably give a little patch of land to Switzerland.

Yeah, that's it. I think what they do is they take an American cheese and a hole puncher and just it's just like one of those office hole punchers and they just put the slices in. I don't like Swiss cheese. Well, you know what? All I'm saying is give Danny's Swiss cheese omelet a try.

Okay, I have one more. Okay. Okay. This is from James J. So I was at Chapters the other day. I think it was probably James Joyce. Oh, you think so? That could be my brother, too.

Oh, James Johansson? It doesn't say where this is from. It could be 100 years in the past. It could be James Joyce. Or it could be from California, America. California, Canada. Let's see if he references Ulysses.

So I said chapters the other day. Buying Ulysses. So I was at Chapters the other day buying Ulysses. By me. And I walked past these two high school-ish looking girls who were both looking at a table of books. One girl picks up The Hunger Games and the following conversation happens. Girl A, hmm, The Hunger Games. You know what this is about?

Girl B, nah, I only know what the movie's about. Right? Same thing. Yep. Probably I only know what the movie's about. Right? Same thing. Probably the same thing. If you had been there, would you have stepped in and interjected? No. Is there a movie called The Hunger Games? Yeah, it's not out yet.

It's based on that book. It's called Thin. Abby read it on the plane. It's like a kid's youth fiction. It's like, I guess, Harry Potter or Twilight, way it's like a kids it's like youth fiction it's like i guess harry potter or uh twilight but it's better than twilight how desperate are they looking for another harry potter oh i'm sure they're publishing everything that's uh you know the least bit uh whimsical like it has any uh traces of ghosts or goblins the golden age for getting that published i

imagine right now yeah it's the golden age for publishing. I think a good book... Hour-long dramas, too. It's the absolute golden age of hour-long dramas. Yep. Our friend David Caruso could tell you that. Well, no, that's... I mean, like, Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Pranos...

Oh, I thought you were talking about movies of the week. No, hour-long. Like a Hallmark Journal. No, like the HBO one-hour thingies. I don't think there's ever been a better time in the last 15 years. Like way better than the movies. What about when Arliss was on the air? Oh, Jesus.

How long was that on the air for? 45 years. Is it still on? It's still on. Sportsman cameos really can keep a show propped up for early. I never saw it. Was he a sports agent? Yes.

Yeah. And they'd have cameos from sports people. But I don't follow sports. So I just thought it was the worst extras in the world to me. It was like Entourage, just having, oh, who's the douchebag? Yeah, yeah. Who's the awkward... We need Sasha Gray to keep this show up. We need Mark Cuban to make another cameo.

Oh, I know. Entourage really holds up. I'm excited because he has a movie last year. I know it because he has a movie last year. He holds up from the editing to the fucking broadcast. It's the another show. Oh, I know. Entourage really holds up. I'm excited because it holds up from the editing to the fucking broadcast. It's the worst show. The last season is possibly

the worst acting and writing on television. Is there a movie coming out? I heard there's a movie coming out. Is the movie just going to be Aquaman? Have you seen

Columbiana, by the way? No, I only saw Medellin. But that's what I'm trying to get to is it is the equivalent of what you think medellin would turn out as it's the worst movie i've ever seen like it is unbelievably bad you will love it when you watch all of zoe saldana zoe saldana and there's this one scene from the guy the uh that was it's funny how far he's fallen because he was in once were warriors i don't know if you ever saw that movie amazing new zealand film about an abusive family And there's this one scene from the guy that was, it's funny how far he's fallen because he was in Once Were Warriors. I don't know if you ever saw that movie.

Amazing New Zealand film about an abusive family. And now he plays this girl's uncle. He goes, you want to kill people? He just turns and starts shooting people on the street to this five-year-old kid to show them this is what it takes. But nobody reports it. Yeah. The cops arrive. Nobody looks at the guy across the street holding the gun.

They just walk away like, what? What? And this is the crux transition moment. It's the most ludicrous scene you've ever seen in a movie. And they play it off like this is good filmmaking. This is what happens where we're from. I remember quite a lot of the fake movies within movies on Entourage. Most of them sound pretty good.

What was the one where it's in Queens? Queens Boulevard. I am Queens Boulevard. That sounds a lot like Scorsese's first film, Mean Streets. That's what I keep thinking when I hear it. They're making a great Gatsby movie, but there was apparently a... There was a great Gatsby movie with Robert Redford. But in

Entourage world, there was Scorsese's Gatsby. Oh, yeah. And then there was one where he played enzo ferrari in the enzo ferrari story well and then wasn't what was the movie and of course aquaman uh with the matterhorn there was matterhorn what was matterhorn he turned down matterhorn he turned down matterhorn what was the one that the guy tried to get him fired from where they're firefighting and uh oh yeah and the fake verner herzog played by stellan skarsgård yeah yeah and but the one guy keeps stealing his lines because he's not a good

i forget that oh yeah that was it was like fire what was that that's one of the most forgettable actors in history fire um yeah no but i want to know he was in um uh he was in a movie with jennifer jason lee where he's an addict. Oh, if only it could be less memorable. No, it's called Rush. Jason Patrick. Oh, right, right, right. Possibly the most forgettable actor.

He was in Speed 2 and a vampire movie. Was he in Lost Boys? Yes. He might have been. Yeah, he was. He was the older brother. It's weird that you only remember Kiefer Sutherland from that. You don't remember Jason Leigh. No, I remember

a young Corey Feldman. Right. And a young other Corey. Haim. Were they both in that? Yeah, Corey Haim has the dog and Corey Feldman's in it. Did one of them get their license to drive in that? In addition to overheards that have been written in, we also get

overheards telephoned in. If you got a telephone, call us up. 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hi, my name's Christine. I'm calling with a really quick overheard from the day. Walking home in Portland, Maine, passing by a lumberyard near where I work, and I couldn't really quite see them, but there are these two men in the lumberyard, and one of them said, God bless you. And then the other one responded, well, God bless you, too.

That's nice. Working in a lumberyard sounds like a pretty good way to kill off a year. Doesn't Maine sound quaint? Yes. Oh, yeah. Those were the princes of Maine. The kings of New England. Yeah. They were just finishing pressing apples. Yeah, they were in princes of Maine. The kings of New England. They were just finishing pressing apples. Yeah, they were in the lumber yard.

It's a post-abortion nice day. They were going to build a cider house. It rules. Have you seen that cider house? Yeah, it's rules. Cider house rules! That's the sweet, I love that. I love that people from Maine call in.

That's wonderful. You guys are so lucky the people That people from Maine Call in That's wonderful You guys are so lucky It's a very Very quaint community I don't even think I've met somebody from Maine Send us a lobster That would be awesome

Or some Or some of that lumber Yeah I was walking by a lumber yacht I wonder Yeah they've got a lot of lumber We've got a lot here in BC Sure but I want to see

How does it hold up You know what We'll send you We'll send you a pine beetle Yeah We'll got a lot here in BC, though. Sure, but I want to see how does it hold up. We'll send you a pine beetle. We'll do a lumber exchange. If you want to send us some of your finest lumber, we'll send you some. A beautiful pine beetle. We'll get our mayors to have a friendly bet

when our teams go up against each other. Our lumberjack teams at the lumberjack games. Next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham, impossible guest. I work as a naturalist down in Iowa, and I was getting ready to lead a hike at sundown and listed some of the animals we may see for the hike, and there was this kind of know-it-all kid behind me.

And we started walking, and he said to his mom, we probably won't see any birds because all birds are blind. So I kind of turned around and said, actually, you know, that's not true. A lot of birds can see really well. And he said, oh, okay. And we started walking a little bit more and really quietly he said, I meant to say most birds are blind. That's great.

Yeah. That's really good. I didn't know that. I have never heard that before. Most birds are blind. That's because that's why they fly into your hair. No, that's bats. I do love pushing a fact that's not true on people.

Don't you ever just... I'm pretty sure that's not right. That's a joy. I convinced somebody not that long ago that for no reason that we were talking about the song Greensleeves. I said that

did you know that that song was originally written about a girl with brown sleeves? And they were like, that's a shitty trivia fact. I know it really is. And I made it up. Do you know the real trivia about Green Sleeves? No.

It was written by Henry VIII. Oh, really? Who wrote that? I don't know if that's true. It was written by Martin Lawrence. I'm pretty sure. Martin Lawrence wrote it right before he gave earrings to a Latina baby. Oh, we're wrapping it up.

Improv stuff. Yeah. Everything gets called back. Yeah. Bring all the tin bubbles. One more? One more. Yeah. I like called back. Bring all the tin bullets. One more? One more. Yeah.

I like that last one. Yeah, what are some famous... Birds. Birds. They have good eyes. Owls are famously... Well, they see at night, right? Yeah.

Owls have awesome... Hawk eye. Yeah. Eagle eyes. Shia LaBeouf. Eagle eye cherry. Eagle eye cherry. I actually had a...

Sweden. I had an encounter with an owl here in Vancouver over on West 16th. You know where the Pacific Spirit Park starts between UBC? Yeah. And it was a winter's day. This was like a year ago. And I was outside my brother's place. And an owl swooped down on the tree in front of me.

Like a freaking owl. Oh, a freaking owl? Yeah. And he started hooting at me. He was like yelling at me. And all he left behind was a tootsie roll i thought i was getting yeah just an invitation to hogwarts or something but no but it was like you don't have run-ins with owls they're not they're not a common bird to come across and also they don't uh they either are very aggressive with humans or stay away from them completely really i didn't know

that they're not they're not big at interacting with humans. Didn't someone have owls in the family? I think that might have been a book we read in grade four. Somebody didn't cry wolf or something. Was that a Farley Mowat thing? It was a Farley Mowat joint. Everything's Farley Mowat. No, but birds are notoriously really good-eyed.

Some of them. The ones with famous eyes. Well, who doesn't? What kind of bird wouldn't? I can't even think of a... Crows are able to remember faces. They can speak, too. Yeah, that's right.

And they can do impressions. Parrots, great at speaking. Yeah. I don't think that's right. I'm pretty sure that's not true. Toucans, great noses. Yeah. They follow their nose.

Crazy. Yeah. A lot of mental problems in the toucans. Okay. Hey guys, it's Andy from Akron, Ohio. Calling you with an overheard. It's actually kind of a secondhand overheard, but

listening to your most recent episode, I heard one that reminded me of it. It was at a Halloween event for a basketball team in Akron, and there was a little kid dressed up as a hobo. And when you asked him what he was, he said, I'm a hobo, and you say, well, what is that? He said, a hobo is a guy who doesn't have cable. Yes!

Yes! Yes! Just got a stick over his arm with a little nap thing and a television with aerials. Netflix. A guy who doesn't have a cable. That's like a kid absorbing two or three pieces of information.

He probably heard his dad say, you don't have cable? What are you, a hobo? Yeah, exactly. A hobo is a guy... It's as good a definition as you're going to find. But congratulations. He's an Akron.

I played basketball with a kid named Akron. And he was killed by pirates. Look, that's all... This is all conjecture. He was the best basketball player in BC. Like, hands down. And he was killed by pirates.

This whole family. Is this LeBron James from Akron? No, no, he went to Kitts High. The entire family went on a vacation to the Caribbean. I went to Kitts High. Yeah, and he was killed by pirates. Oh, you mean Akron from, Akron the dead pirate guy. Yeah.

Oh, from high school. Yeah, they made a movie about him. No, they don't. No, they did not. They did not. Sorry, Johnny Depp. I'm not kidding you. Starring Geena Davis.

It was a huge flop. Oh, my God. That was a $110 million flop, too. The director of that has never had a good film. That was her husband. Yes. What was Geena Davis' movie? It was Pirates.

It was a pirate. It was with Matthew Modine, of course. Oh, of course. But she was, it was like literally they was with matthew modine of course it was of course but she was it was like literally they were six years too early on the pirate yeah because then uh everything well how do you think dracula dead and loving it is field or dracula in brooklyn i mean that was was that what it's called that was not what it's called brooklyn oh no you're right there is yeah eddie murphy where he Murphy the vampire in Brooklyn and he also plays he does the

Eddie Murphy thing where he plays like eight different characters he gets elected to congress or something no he's the distinguished gentleman

all of those bad movies blend into one bad movie I saw a vampire gets elected to congress I guarantee that movie's being made

as we talk why not oh man well there's what's the movie? Twilight Session. Pretty good. I saw an ad for the Abe Lincoln Vampire Killer.

What? That was a book. Van Helsing. No, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer is a thing. And it's the same guy who did the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Oh. I wrote a... I. I wrote it. I'm immediately over it.

I hated that concept as soon as I heard it. I was like, oh, that's funny. Oh, you made it? No, no, no. There is a comic that does a joke about writing a book called The Mice of Parliament in the UK, which I would totally buy and read.

His name's, I think, Atkinson? Rowan Atkinson. No, no. Mr. Bean. He's a very funny comic. Yeah, Mr. Bean. And he talks about it in his act. No, it's not.

Or Anteploski, maybe? Yeah, Rowan Anteploski. There's two guys named very similar. But he talks about writing the book in his act, and I go to him, you've got to write that book. It's the cutest story ever. Sure. Like the Mice of Parliament.

I mean. But that's how an Abraham Lincoln vampire killer gets made is because somebody goes, no, you've got to do that. And then they do it. Well, did you ever see the big picture with Kevin Bacon when he's pitching the movie and they keep changing his idea? And there's one about him and Abe Lincoln and he goes, how about this, Abe and the Babe. And they have Babe Ruth and Abe Lincoln together and they pitch this idea.

I would ease if that was a Kevin James and who would be a good Abe Lincoln. Oh, I thought you had Kevin James as Abe Lincoln. Ed Begley Jr. I mean, if you're going to bring in the Star Wattage. They have an actual Abe Lincoln movie. No, literally Abe Lincoln and vampires, and then the Daniel Day-Lewis Abe Lincoln.

Oh, Daniel Day-Lewis. I had heard originally it was going to be Liam Neeson. I heard it was Meryl Streep. Is there nothing she can't do? That's true. She really is amazing. She's a real chameleon. If you want to send in overheards, Andy Serkis would be a good one.

You guys should take in movie pitches. Okay. And give them the thumbs up and thumbs down. I think in a way we do. Yeah. In our own way. In our own way. Yeah.

If you want to send us overheards, you can send them to stockpodcastyourself at gmail.com or you can call us at 206-339-8328. Sorry, I stepped on your number. Do it again. 206-339-8328. Sorry, I stepped on your number. Do it again. 206-339-8328. That's a Washington number, isn't it? Sure is. I have stopped podcasting yourself at Lycos.com, which is very weird.

So check out that site and see the crude animation and naked Pete Wiener photos. Little bunnies chopping off the head of your wiener photos? Little bunnies chopping off the head of your wiener. Now, Pete, you've got the Snowden comedy tour is coming up. Yeah, it's from February 10th until – no, from January 10th to February 4th, 2012, depending on when you're listening to the podcast. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. But they do it every year.

But this year, it's me, Arj Barker, Glenn Wool Craig Campbell, Dan Quinn We're doing all of DC and Alberta Basically It's going to be fantastic And if people want to find you online The best way is my Facebook page Facebook.com slash Comic Pete And I try to update my schedule

I should be around North America For a little bit I'm doing the Altitude Festival in Austria Another skiing, snowboarding festival That's going to be amazing schedule. I should be around North America for a little bit. Then I've got to go. I'm doing the Altitude Festival in Austria. Oh, my. Another skiing, snowboarding festival. That's going to be amazing. The lineup for that is unbelievable. The lift lines. Jimmy Carr. Rowan Atkinson. Lots of famous

people from England. And then, what am I doing? I'm just touring the back here. Oh, I've got a Showtime thing coming up in the spring. Russell Peters presents live from the Red up in the spring, which if you... Russell Peters presents live from the Red Light District in Amsterdam, which I taped. Should get me a lot of hate mail.

Yes. Very, very controversial. You've been courting the hate mail. Yeah, I really have. There's a Tea Party hate site for me. Really? Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Where can people go check out that?

I don't remember. I think it's on YouTube. There's this... Can you post a link to it on your Facebook? They call me a Canadian socialist or something like that, or a communist. Because I argue for the inheritance tax on a popular podcast, and people lose their shit over it. Once you have the Tea Party hating you, it means you've made it. Yeah. It's sad, because I don't dislike the tea party.

Well, I've been talking to them and they had some strong... They had nothing but good things to say about you. I'm not really a socialist. I mean, I'm kind of a socialist, but I mean, I'm very much a socialist. You certainly love Swedes. But I'm also kind of like... I'm a little bit libertarian, too.

Sure. I'm a little mixture of both. We're all a little bit... Country? Yeah. Yeah. A little bit rock and roll. Dave, do you have anything to plug?

This upcoming weekend at the Comedy Mix in Vancouver, you and I will be performing together. And speaking of... With John Doerr. With John Doerr. TV's John Doerr. Yeah, legendary...

Oh, I'm going head-to-head with you guys on Saturday night. All right. Or you'll be the snowman. We're at the Arts Club Theater, Granville Island Arts Club Theater on Saturday night. Two shows. We sold out the first one already. Sorry. Pick a side, Vancouver. Pick a side.

Or go to one show and then go to the other show. Right? Yeah, there's early and late of both. Actually, you couldn't ask for two better people to see than John Doerr or an Arj Barker. To be honest with you, that's a tough choice. The city's blessed in its own way.

Yeah. Both very funny. In its own way. Also, speaking of Dave and I performing together, we will be in Toronto in March. I know that I said that we had made that arrangement. We're going to be there at the Comedy Bar March 3rd. I'm going to be there.

Well, then we will see you there. Can I high five on that? Is that cool? Absolutely. I'm so excited. That'll be the first thing I do, because I'm going to move there on March 1st, right? Wow. Well, we'll see Pete.

So Pete will be there. Yep. So that'll be fun. Yeah, I'll be doing a set. I've just pushed my way onto the show uninvited. Featuring Pete Jonas. Live podcast. Tickets will go on sale a few weeks before that.

They're not up yet. But go to comedybar.ca and check out their other shows. I think the week before you can see the Sklar brothers. Yeah, the Sklars. I haven't seen them forever. You know, he proposed to his wife, one of them, up at the restaurant I recommended, the Salmon House up in West Bend. Oh.

He asked me for it. Congratulations to the restaurant and to you on recommending it. And to the Sklar brothers on being on Entourage. Well, it's just one of them. They're both on Entourage. They're both marrying the same woman, I guess. Oh my goodness, it's Dead Ringers again.

If you want to... Are you doing a show at the Havana? I am, that's right, January 23rd. I'll be there. Yeah, I'm going to be in Havana, Cuba. You and Castro together with your beards?

Yeah. I would love that. Well, it's me and Castro's brother. Castro can't make it. No, I just call him Castro's brother. Now I can remember his name.

No, just... At the Havana Theater in Vancouver on January 23rd. You will be there. You'll be a guest. It's the Laugh Gallery. It's going to be once a month at the Havana Theater in Vancouver on January 23rd. You will be there. You'll be a guest. It's the Laugh Gallery. It's going to be once a month at the Havana Theater.

So you can check that out at eastvancomedy.com. And if you want to check out blog recaps of this week's podcast, you go to maximumfun.org. And Dave's going to put links. I'm sure we'll see a link of the naked lady who runs out on the field to put links. I'm sure we'll see a link of the naked lady who runs out on the field to kiss players. She's not naked. Oh, and I'll send you that picture. Oh, I thought she was naked. You'll send me a picture of your wiener?

No. If I send you a picture of my wiener and it ends up on the web, I'll be very, I feel violated for your trust. Well, then don't send me a picture of your wiener. No, it's funny. You know what? I'm going to test it. What was the picture you were going to send? Oh, no. Of the girl in the lineup. Of the girl at the of your wiener. No, it's funny. You know what? I'm going to test it. What was the picture you were going to send? Oh, no, of the girl in the lineup.

Of the girl at the airport. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. Oh, this lady isn't naked who runs out on the field? No, no, no. There's no nudity or lasciviousness. No, it's baseball. I thought I was picturing a naked lady running out.

She just kisses me. It could have been Morgana, but she had brown hair. Yeah. I mean, that's probably how she travels. Yeah, fake that. That's got to be... Yeah, you can. Well, birds can tell because they've got such good eyes. Maybe you'll have a picture of Sweden, some sort of artistic representation of Sweden.

And if you get your nose close to the screen, you whiff of licorice. Yeah, oh, maybe a picture of licorice. I'll scratch and sniff some... Can I just say before we wrap up, what a lovely time I've had. Thanks, Pete. We loved having you. I miss Vancouver so much and nothing makes me feel

more Vancouver than Graham and Dave. Ah! You know, it's just so nice to be home. We're good representatives. I've never felt homesick about a place

in my entire life but this city. You know what that means? This is home. This is it. Yeah, and I just love coming back here. Make your home with IKEA.

I know. Fuck on that furniture. If only there was enough economic industry to stay afloat. Yeah. Yeah, well, there is that.

If I don't sell real estate, I'm done. Yeah. Well, you could own a sushi restaurant. That's true. That's a new thing

that's happening. Yeah, you could teach yoga. Oh, I have that. Have you guys been to the poutine place on Davie Street? Yes. I went there last night.

That is awesome. La Belle Patate. Fantastic. If you have a chance. I went in last night. And it's open late, too. Sorry, I'm plugging someone. That's weird.

Just giving them a free ad. But it was incredible. Did you know that one of the Sklar brothers proposed that? No. That and Yeager's on Broadway. They're both very good. I'm hoping for some free poutine and drinks. Well, thanks for being our guest.

Thank you for having me. Fantastic. Always nice to see you, Graham and Dave. It was a pleasure. And everybody out there, if you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for episode 200 of Stop Podcasting Yourself.