Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 200 - EVERY SEGMENT!

Episode Date: January 17, 2012

In the 200th episode extravaganza, Graham and Dave run through every segment and theme song in the show's history. Pop Rocks Minute? Yes! Road to Rock Band? Of course! Everything packed into just under two hours.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 200 of Stop Podcaster Yourself. Did you ever think we'd make it this far? I sure didn't. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the hand solo to my Chewbacca, Mr. Dave Shumka. Uh, punch it.

Yeah, waka waka. Yeah, waka waka. That's my Chewbacca. Very good. Thank you. I'm going to be more supportive than Han Solo. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, what was his whole thing? He was all like, oh, I've got feathered hair. Don't mess with my feathered hair. Yeah, I'm Indiana Jones. Oh, I was in the Carbo Night. Oh, my back is stiff yeah the carbonite i had a rough night a carbonite that's when all the nerds cheer uh that's when you throw your carbonite at the screen at the screenings of star wars right

that's one of the calls um so 200 episode 200 and And for this special episode Okay We don't have a guest We don't have a guest We do have noisy neighbors upstairs Apparently taking a very bad bath Yeah, okay What we're gonna do

This is Dave's idea And I think it's the greatest Well, it was a listener's idea I forget your name But I'm guessing Brendan Most of our listeners are named Brendan. Or Brandon. Yeah, that's true. Someone

said, oh, episode 200. What's it going to be? 200 guests? 200 segments? Those are ridiculous ideas. Do you know how long that would take? We tried to get 200 guests, but they all turned us down. We haven't had 200 guests yet. That's true.

Here's to the next 200. Yeah. So what we did decide to do was every segment. Yeah, every segment in a row. Not in a row. Dave has a random number generator. A random segment generator. Oh, random segment generator.

Beep, boop, bop, boop, boop. That's the sound you should edit in for the generator. A random segment generator. Oh, random segment generator. That's the sound you should edit in for the generator. And if you're new to the show, we've been around since almost four years now. Cast your mind back. What was going on in 2008? A young Barack Obama was

swearing himself into office. Yep! A year early. Who else? Michael Phelps swearing himself into office. Yep! A year early. Um, who else? Michael Phelps was, you know, eating, like, a huge stack of pancakes every day.

And then, like, a dozen farm-fresh eggs, and drinking a cow. Yeah, he was sucking a cow dry every morning. Um, but we started the show. The show has sort of turned into basically two segments. It's turned into Get to Know Us, where we talk about our days.

And it's turned into Overheards, which is the segment where we talk about things that we overheard and we, that we've overheard. And we ask you to write in and call in with your favorite overheard things. There have been a lot of segments that have come and gone. Now, certain segments never managed to get a theme song. Like there was one we tried a few weeks ago that was the greatest and the worst or whatever. Oh, yeah, the best of the worst. That's not, we're not going to do that. We're just going to do the ones that have theme songs.

And also, if this is your first time listening to the podcast, go back and listen to at least one other. Really? Because this is not going to be representative of how anything goes. It's going to be fun, though.

Oh, it's going to be a lot of fun. I'm not saying don't listen to this one. Just don't make this your number one. We were talking before the show. We were, like,

trying to gamble on how long this episode would be i said two and a half hours i'm hoping it's less yeah well we all are hoping it's we're gonna uh some of the segments are gonna go by so fast we're like it's not like oh it seems like it's going by so fast no it's gonna be like 10 seconds yeah that's true uh some of the segments there's like 25 segments should we get should we get started we should we start with Get to Know Us? Yeah, why not? Get to Know Us.

All right, so that's our first segment. Now, Dave, you're one of the people that's in this room. Yeah. What's going on with you? Oh, boy. So this has got to be quick, right? Not really. Hey, I'm cool.

The last couple of days, I've become very handy. Go on. I have never, like, we had this light fixture that was broken for, like, six months. That doesn't sound very handy. Oh, I broke it. Oh, you're like Tim the Tool Man. It wasn't, like, like shattered but it's actually exactly like this like fixture in this room uh i picture picture like a b cup bra being stuck to

the ceiling sure but like with a light bulb of an alien yeah um yeah and i assumed you could just twist twist it off so i just kept like a b beacup bra I just kept twisting and twisting and twisting and I broke it but it stayed on like I couldn't get it off the ceiling still and so eventually this weekend you just put duct tape over it and pretended it wasn't there

basically there's been a lot of things that I had to be handy this weekend because of three things that were completely negligent on my part uh one was the light fixture that i broke i finally got it back and i like put the electricity together oh really yeah you took the you took the positive and put it on the negatron i put the black wire on the black wire don't cut the green wire oh because... No, wait. It's green. How does it go? Red, we're dead. Yellow, we're jello. Green, we're a relaxed machine.

Yeah. So, I fixed that, and I have no experience with electronics. I probably should have turned off the fuse first if I was doing this. But who could find that? Yeah, who has the time? I got lucky, you know. Yeah. Nothing happened.

It took me an hour to do probably what a handyman could do in two minutes sure but but now you get to walk away manhood complete yeah uh we also had this drain that was clogged outside the door oh yeah your weird storm drain thing yeah and it was it would water would pool outside our door it's like It was like a mosquito orgy out there. Yeah, they love standing water. And so I was like, okay, well, I know one of these days I'm going to have to get a screwdriver out and unscrew the little drain cover

and dig out all the mud that is just caked inside there. Yeah. No, that wasn't the case. I tapped it with a screwdriver and the mud started falling out of it so i uh ended up just i i like the whole lid of it came off with just i just lifted it up with the screwdriver and i pulled it over to a sink and i cleaned it i didn't even touch the thing i fixed it so you could have got like a like a hyperactive nephew to do that yeah yeah okay uh and the final handyman thing

that i did was i went well this was a real honey do list yeah it was a i can't elope uh i went to uh well on i guess sunday night we were watching tv and some of the channels stopped working and it was annoying uh and so uh like i i'm too lazy to deal with the cable company customer service right but uh if i complain about them on twitter they notice and then they will deal with me on twitter and so i was complaining about complaining about the cable company uh and then they noticed actually yeah so and then they eventually uh were like dealing with my problem with me you know it's not the the greatest way of doing it because uh it's really out there in the public yeah and it takes like an hour to get a response sometimes uh and but it because uh it's really out there in the public yeah and it takes like

an hour to get a response sometimes uh and but it's fun it's the new way that kids are dealing with their problems online exactly tweeting yeah i yeah i said if you don't fix my cable i won't give you um a shot of my dick yeah i won't earn a bracelet by giving you a blowjob. I am going to invite the cable company to LinkedIn and then I am going to tell them all that I think about them. I don't know what LinkedIn is. I think it's for business sexting.

Oh, really? This is me wearing just a tie? Do you like my pantsuit? What about my man suit? My legal briefs, huh? That's not bad. So I eventually, they were like, okay, well, we tested this, we tested that. I think the problem might be on your end. Is the cable going through a connector? Is it going into like a... Oh, a splitter? Splitter, yeah.

And so I was like, I'll check. I didn't write, I'll check. Still, you're whistling in brackets. Still looking. And I looked, and no, it wasn't going through a splitter, but the cable was right up against the heater, and it totally burned. And it was in such a way that, like, the cable was coming out of the inside of the wall.

It wasn't like, I couldn't just replace the cable because it was, like, part of the house. Sure. They built the house around the cable. Yeah. Yeah. It was an part of the house. Sure. They built the house around the cable. Yeah. Yeah. It was an ancient Indian burial cable. So I had to teach myself how to cut cable. Oh.

Yeah. And it's called crimping. Yeah. Crimping. You crimp cable. Same that you do with your hair. Yeah. Totally.

It's very 80s. Yeah. And I went to The Source, formerly Radio Shack. Oh, yeah. And bought everything. I knew somebody who, his TV, like he just bought this TV like three years ago or whatever, and it started going kind of wonky,

and I think most people would be like, time for a new TV. But he just looked online like, what would cause this, and then just took apart the TV and it was just this one $2 piece that needed to be replaced. But that's what people would do. They would just throw it out, right? Yeah, you should. Get a new TV. It feels good.

Yeah. But you can't... And it's fun to play with the box. Like, the cable guy could have helped me, but I was worried about him becoming infatuated with me. Sure. Just like that movie, Dangerous Liaisons. Yeah. I was trying to think of the other one. Single white females, what I meant.

But I didn't want to wait. Abby was like, well, I guess we might have to go without TV for a few days. And I was like, fuck that. We'll never survive it. So, I think necessity is the mother of learning a trade. Absolutely. Yeah. Well done, Dave the Toolman Schumke.

Yeah. So those are my three. And that is the only three handy things I've done in years. Yeah. Feels good, though, doesn't it? Since that one time I tried to build a fence for the dog and my upstairs neighbors made fun of me because they saw me, took me forever to saw through this one inch piece of wood.

Pretty funny. Yeah. Uh, how about you? Uh, this week we'll mark, here's the thing. Sometimes, um, is something sounds like a good idea

you know how things sound like a good idea at first no no like sometimes like right away at first it's like uh you know sell your gold and you're like of course why wouldn't i and then they're like oh that was an heirloom but uh the uh an editor from the Vancouver Sun... I saw your name! In lights. In my Google alerts. Yeah, somebody from the Vancouver Sun asked if I was... The Vancouver Sun, for the uninitiated, is a popular...

It's the sun that shines only in Vancouver. Yeah, it shines one day a year. Yeah, it's a popular newspaper. It's a less and less popular newspaper. Sure. As they all are, right? Yep. It's the Grey Lady of Vancouver.

Is that what they call the... The New York Times? Yeah. Yeah. They call her Missy Newsprint. So they're... One of their editors, they run a thing, I guess... What does it take to be an editor?

Editors are basically writers, right? I don't know. Watch the show Ghostwriter. I'm sure there's a lot of hints and tricks in that show. Okay. They asked if I wanted to train to run in the sun run that they do every April. The 10-kilometer run. And blog about it in exchange for some free stuff.

And I was like, yes. And free clinic. I guess people pay for that. Like the running clinic. Oh, the running clinic. No, like for after I'm done. Yeah, like we'll let you go to the free clinic and have an STD test. Yeah.

On us. You go to the extra free clinic so i said yes but then i like then i realized like oh i gotta do this here's why that's bad go ahead you have to do it yeah that the good part is is that i'm out of shape and i need something to uh much much like your tool man adventure it's necessity now i have to get in shape or I will die. But what are these clinics like? Have you done one yet? No, I think the first one is this week.

I have a feeling those are going to be... I'm going to make fun of them, I think, a lot. I think that's why they invited me, because they were like, I think he's funny and he's a doughy piece of shit. I think that's exactly why they... But isn't it going to be embarrassing? My whole life falls in that category. Okay. I don't...

I mean, if I was... I don't know. Everything I do now is just... From one vine of embarrassment to the next. I'm the Tarzan of shamelessness. But the bright side is, since what you're getting is a free running clinic, you can stop at any time.

And then you can stop blogging and stop running and just stop the insanity. I could just be a guy who just goes AWOL. I'm getting free running shoes. That's pretty good. Are you going to go in for like a, they're going to test your gait? Oh, like how I walk? Yeah. And then put my foot in the thing? Yeah.

Have a specialist come out and put their ear to my foot. Listen to what it means. I hear the ocean. So I'm going to be doing that. I'm going to be blogging. It's like I say, I think they invited me cause they know I'm not going to do well at it. And, uh. You'll show them.

Yeah. No, it'll show me, but it'll probably be pretty funny i imagine my blog post will be funny yeah i imagine that too i look forward to saying i read them yeah they're only gonna be 200 to 500 words oh i'm real busy oh but what about you could just take them with you into the toilet i'll print them out for you and just paste them up above your toilet see breathe them when you're going to pee. Just like a sports bar. Okay, sure.

Yeah, that is a good idea. Yeah, that'd be a lot of fun. Well, I look forward to hearing more of that from you. I'm excited to move on to the next segment. Oh, I know you are. Okay, random generator it. Beep, bop, boop, boop, bop, beep, bop, bop, bop. Beep, bop, bop, beep, bop, bop, bop.

Celebrity, celebrity odds. Oh, celebrity odds. Now, this was a thing that we had early on where I would state a premise. I think the first or second show, we had a celebrity death pool. Yeah, we felt uncomfortable with that. Yeah, and Jonathan Winters is still alive. Yeah. Not according to my calculations, but... I mean, that's, you know...

That's up for debate, whether or not Jonathan Winters is or is not alive. But celebrity odds. I would put forth an idea that might happen to celebrities, and Dave would tell me what the odds of it happening or not happening would be. You had all the fun part. I was left here holding my dick. Yeah, but that's one of your favorite things to do.

It was kind of fun for both of us. Yeah, I like holding a dick. So, okay. I've got a couple here. I'll just throw them at you. You tell me what you think the odds are. Are we still talking about dicks? Yeah, I've got a couple dicks couple here i'll just throw them at you you tell me what you think are we still talking about dicks yeah i've got a couple dicks i'm gonna throw them at you like a dartboard sure i'm gonna catch them like you like um the odds that the black eyed peas will release an

album called reunited but the spelling will be super weird did they break up uh yeah didn't they pretty sure there's a lot of Buys that haven't been opened because they broke up. Yeah, yes. See, this is my part. Yeah, the odds of that are good. Okay, celebrity odds that Arnold Schwarzenegger will star in a... Schwartzy. As he's known in the...

In the deli business. In the British press. The deli business. Schwartz's Deli. I don't know. It's a famous deli in Montreal. Oh, sure. Arnold Schwarzenegger will star in a Terminator parody movie done by the Epic Movie Guys.

Oh, right. What would it be called? Cyborg Movie? Yeah, Cyborg movie. Have there been enough cyborg movies to necessitate a genre?

It'll be their Spaceballs, where they're just, they're spoofing the one genre. Although, now that I say it, that's not a bad idea for a parody film.

But, well, what else is there? I mean, there was Terminator. Yeah. Terminator 3. Terminator... Resurrection.

Insolution. Yeah. Terminator Insoluble. T2. Terminator 2 Judgment Day. Terminator Inscrutable. Terminator Unjustifiable. Yeah.

Terminator Stay Tuned. tuned are there any uh non non-terminator robot coming back from the future to kill john connor movies um i think so but i don't know for sure okay so the odds are great they're great well why can't we do it before uh the epic movie people? I think, and I'm just guessing, money. Oh, right. But we go to a rich guy who's about to die. Oh, yeah.

And marry him. Jonathan Winters. We get involved in a three-way gay marriage. To John Winters. I apologize. He might be dead by the time this episode comes out. Any more celebrity odds? That Beyonce and Jay-Z's new kid will be maladjusted.

Odds? Do you think that the kid will be so insulated that they'll actually turn out really well-adjusted, a la Estella McCartney? Or will they just... Estella, okay. Or, you know, like, will they just be a cuckoo bananas because both of their parents are, like, superstars? Oh, the odds are pretty good. I mean, like, if we're going by odds. Yeah, we're going on odds. I'm rooting for it to be the good option. but no it's the odds are that it's going

to be a monster child so there you go that's celebrity odds what's our next uh random segment allergic off allergic off see who's more allergic. Oh, Allergic Off. Allergic Off is a segment we only did once with Jason Bryden. Because he said he was allergic to more things than me. He said he was allergic to a lot of stuff, and he was game. Sure, he was game. Here's a thing I might be allergic to. Oh, yeah.

As of last count, you have how many allergies? I don't know a number, but I know there's a lot of them. More than you can count on one hand. Okay. And I have none. That you know of. That I know of. Although, recently, I've been getting pretty itchy.

Yeah. Around stuff, right? Around stuff. Don't know what it is? That's the problem with allergies is you never know until you have just that one thing. And you're like, ah, that's a thing. But I'm not, like, you're, are people ever allergic to nuts in a way that just makes them itchy? It seems like everyone who's allergic to nuts will die from them.

I don't know about nuts. I know, like, things like mold and grass and stuff like that. People are, like, kind of allergic to those things. But, yeah, I don't know. How about you? No, I'm not going to do that. Not until they make a free clinic for it. I have new allergies since the time that we did that.

Okay. I'm allergic to apples and chickpeas. Ta-da! I think you were allergic to apples back then. Yeah, well, maybe I was. But definitely chickpeas have been added. Apple Paltrow. Oh, yeah! Do you think that kid's going to be a monster child?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, I like both Jay-Z and Beyonce, but Gwyneth Paltrow seems like an awful human being. Well, Gwyneth Paltrow is my Beyonce. The one thing I really enjoyed when i i heard the name of uh they had announced the name of the beyonce and jay-z child oh yeah what is blue star uh blue cantrell uh it was like ivy uh something blue ivy blue ivy yeah she's gonna be an evil villainess an S. But the headline I saw was that Gwyneth Paltrow confirms the name of

Jay-Z and Beyonce's child. Like, oh, she was the go-to for crazy names. Baby's name will be Contagion. Well, that was a fast segment. Yeah, see? Some of these are going to be rolling right along. Alright, next. We're on the

road to rock band. Why don't you go fuck yourself? We're on the road to rock band. Fuck yourself, you cunts. Oh! This is going to be another quick one. This is that song, also co-sung by Jason Bryan. Jason Bryan, yeah.

I haven't played rock band in a long time. Me neither. If you haven't listened to the show in the last three years, we wanted to see how good we were getting at rock band. Yeah, and Dave was getting good, and I was not excelling at all. And you... It's like I had a learning problem.

You can play drums in real life. Yeah, but not in rock band life. Wow. Yeah. Well... It's like, it's the same way that I can drive a Mario Kart in video game, but not in real life. Like on a go-kart track where there's turtles spinning around and such. Yeah.

I'm a disaster. Right, but in a video world. I'm awesome. Are you really better at Mario Kart on video games? I am, yes. Better at Mario Kart than in a real go-kart. Any driving game, I refuse to ever hit the brake. Oh, yeah, because you go crazy.

I don't go crazy. I just smash into walls. Maybe I slow down, but I never hit the brake. I go, I don't go crazy. I just, you know, smash into walls. Maybe I slow down, but I never hit the brake. I sometimes will. No, I don't think I will ever hit the brake. I'll pull my foot off of the accelerator. Yeah. But

I don't think I'll ever go go-karting again. Like ever. The last time I went, it fucked up my back for like six months. And it's just like, it's a, fucked up my back for, like, six months. And it's just, like, it's a thing for young kids to do. And the second you get into it, you're like, bleh. I don't fit.

Yeah, it shouldn't be doing this. What if the editor of the rival newspaper... Oh. The, um... I was trying to think of a funny name for a newspaper, but then I was like, all I thought in my head was the Chomp chomp express that's crazy that's not a good name it is a good name for a newspaper especially because chomp chomp it means to eat yeah and express is a train uh so suppose the editor of the chomp chomp express yep said hey graham we want to put you we want you to blog about being in a clinic uh for go carters then i would do it but we will

if it doesn't hurt your back we will personally hurt your back like if you're not hurt as a result of this we'll make sure yeah we'll bite you i would say yes okay all right what's our next segment are you an actor are you looking for work stunt casting stunt casting stunt stunt casting powder danny devito taxi cab the movie Stunt casting. Powder. Danny DeVito. Taxi Cab, the movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short.

Anyone in the movie, pure luck. Stunt casting. Stunt casting. If you've never heard it before, we do this on occasion. Yeah, yeah. It's still popular. It's a fun... it's we take a popular movie that's already been made uh and then we try to recast it using our imaginations

yeah we take a classic movie or tv show i try to recast it with modern actors one of the things that we stunt casted not that long ago has just recently uh according to many people who are uh members of our facebook page the police academy movie which we stunt casted maybe a year ago is now being remade yeah you're welcome yeah i don't know if they're gonna take any of our people and i don't remember any of our people we'll see they probably will yeah um so to keep it nice and short, I thought about it and I was like, what's a movie that has the least number of people to cast? Oh, I hope you picked that movie where Ryan Reynolds is just stuck in a box for an hour and a half. I was thinking about that. Buried.

Why did I get Buried? That Tyler Perry movie. But I decided on Castaway ah okay so who do we have we have Tom Hanks yeah and a Wilson

we have Wilson we have Helen Hunt yeah but we don't even need to cast the non she can come back if she wants yeah who does she end up leaving him for

Greg Kinnear or something the FedEx guy oh no wait he's the FedEx guy. The UPS guy. Kevin James. Yeah. And then, well, in Legally Blonde, I think it's Jennifer Coolidge has a crush on the

UPS guy. So we've already cast those roles. Right. So Greg Kinnear will be played by Kevin James. Helen Hunt by Jennifer Coolidge, a.k.a. Stifler's mom. Okay. So Tom Hanks. What do we know about him?

He started out his career being strictly in comedies. Kind of a... What do we know about his character? Oh, he was a FedEx guy. Okay. Got a flight on a FedEx plane. Yeah, he was a dedicated FedEx guy, so much so... Packed his bag pre-night, flight, post-flight.

Yes. He's a rocket man. When he landed, he wouldn't open up any of the packages that washed ashore with him. Right. He's got integrity. Yeah. And he eventually makes friends with a volleyball that was already on the island. No, I think

it was something he was delivering, right? It wasn't a local. And the volleyball's name, I think it was something he was delivering, right? It wasn't a local. And the volleyball's name was Wilson, and it was his handprint on it that made a face, and then there were sticks growing out of it later on. They weren't growing out of it. He put the sticks in it? Yeah, he put spaghetti in it.

So we need to cast those two. Okay, so I think the easy one to start with is Tom Hanks. Who is the... So that movie came out 10, 15 years ago? 10 years ago? 2000, yeah. Okay. So who is sort of taking the reins of Tom Hanks?

Of the kind of everyman? I have my idea of who it is. Because Tom Hanks won a couple of Oscars. Schlosskrs, the Mad Magazine would call them. Yep. Well, the things he won them for, certainly. And then about five or six years later, he

stopped winning Oscars. Or I guess he won two years in a row. He won Philadelphia and Forrest Gump. And then... Both big AIDS movies. Oh! It's implied AIDS in Forrest Gump. Yeah. And then... Both big AIDS movies. Oh! It's implied AIDS in Forrest Gump. That was the worst kind of AIDS. Yeah.

You gotta go to the free clinic and get tested. Get an implied test. It's a lot of winking. What are you here for? What do you think? Okay. Let's see. Well, let's hear your idea and I'll shoot it think? Okay. Let's see.

Well, let's hear your idea, and I'll shoot it down. Okay. I think, and he's not at the point of being the serious actor that Tom Hanks eventually became, but he's a comedic actor in the same kind of schlubby everyman role, Jason Segel. Jason Segel, maybe not this year, but a couple years from now, could be kind of the, you know, like I say, the everyman. He's also going to be able to lose a bunch of weight. Oh, right.

Well, yeah, yeah. A la Tom Hanks. And grow a bunch of beard. So Christian Bale is a guy who's demonstrated a propensity. Really intense. He didn't start out in comedies, but he was in newsies. Yeah, yeah. And Bosom Buddies, I think. Wasn't he in the remake of Bosom Buddies?

Christian Bale? Yeah, he's in Working It, or Work It, or whatever that news show is called. I think that... That'll be canceled by the time this episode's out. I apologize to Jonathan Winters in Work It. I think that, yeah, I think Christian Bale's really funny. Yeah. He's been in some of my favorite comedies.

The Machinist. Boo! Bomp! Yeah, he can lose a bunch of weight like nobody's business. But can he gain it? Sure. Well, Robert De Niro, you know, he can gain it. He can put it on.

Russell Crowe. Russell Peters. Sure. Did you. Russell Crowe. Russell Peters. Did you see Russell Crowe on that dumb Canadian show? No, that's not a dumb. That's a good Canadian show. Okay. McClintock. Republic of Doyle.

Yeah, that's the one. What did I say? McClintock? I think it's called Canadian Rockford Files. That's who I was trying to think of. Rockford. Quincy. Yeah, okay.

I prefer Christian Bale. Okay, so Christian Bale in the Tom Hanks role. Because I can just imagine him screaming Wilson. And my recast for Wilson is a Spalding basketball. Sure. So his name would be Spalding, and he would be like a British. He would be a butler. Spalding, fetch he would be like a British. He would be a butler? Spalding, fetch me some tea.

Yeah. It's a different way to go, but. Yeah, well, Christian Bale is British, and so wouldn't know what a basketball is. That's right. Oh, no, isn't he Australian? Oh, he's like an enigma. Yeah, he is an enigma. No, he's British.

Oh, okay. Congratulations to him. Congratulations on your knight he's he's the iron lady well i think we cast it uh congratulations to jennifer coolidge and also to kevin james on your first dramatic role well grown-ups oh yeah um i think he had a uh a cameo in jack and jill ah right and also he was in in Philadelphia. He played the lawyer. Yeah, who's... whatever. Next segment!

What? If you fart in your mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control, it's Hilarious Pranks. Ha ha ha ha ha. Hilarious Pranks. mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control it's hilarious pranks hilarious pranks hilarious pranks uh now dave you said that you had somebody who had phoned in something for hilarious pranks i personally have uh my hilarious pranks well is dry well uh before we get to the phone call uh this segment we just thought it would be funny if people called in with pranks that they had seen or done or would be a good idea. And I was going through some phone calls, and I don't think we ever play this on the show. But before I get to it, I just want to say that one of my favorite pranks to do to someone, which is just the simplest prank where you wait behind a corner for your friend to come and then you jump out and you

scare them. A guy at work did this to me a couple months ago and I was really proud of myself because my gut reaction was to grab him by the throat and throw him against the wall. I didn't know who it was.

It was so quick and I'm turning into a real man. Like, I didn't know who it was. It was just, it was so quick. And, you know, I'm turning into a real man. Yeah, you really are. You're grabbing people's throats. You're pulling mud out of drains. Yep. So, kudos to you, co-worker. And I think that's still a really great prank.

My favorite thing, my favorite one I ever did was against, against. Yeah, it was you against the world. My old roommate where I just jumped out and yelled, Showtime! That's pretty good. Okay, so this prank that someone called in, I don't think we ever played it on the show. I'm not entirely certain it's a prank.

Hey Dave, hey Graham. This is Chris from Morgan Hill, and I'm listening to old episodes. And you're in the midst of hilarious pranks right now. And I have one that I wanted to share. The thumb of the prank is getting giant pizzas and somehow affixing them to the wheels of someone's car. So it looks like their car no longer has tires. It just has pizzas.

And that's what it's sitting on. The hang-up for me has been I'm not sure how to keep the pizzas from flopping over. And also, giant pizzas are expensive. All right, that's it. Pretty great, though. But who's it on?

The Ninja Turtles. On the Domino's delivery guy. Yeah, is it on... He's like, oh, now pizzas are on the outside of my car. Is it on the person whose car it is, or is it on the passerby? Oh, like somebody who sees it. Yeah, and then just goes driving. Oh, so you put it on your own car.

Yeah. My thing is that most likely what would happen, at least in Vancouver, maybe in your other coastal cities, is that you would put pizza on the car and within minutes rats would be all over your car. And you would never be able to get rid of them. Yeah, I think you just need pizza decals. Pizza cows. Trademark. Trademark, trademark, pizza cows.

Alright, so thanks for that, Sklurvin. Sklurvin from Flarpenhill. Next seggy? Sure. you don't want to do to get through the day. You've got to shine your shoes, you've got to sweep the floor, you've got to clean your house, you've got to do some more, take care of beers in the house. That theme is our business theme. It means it's time to handle a bit of business.

Now, before we get into all the business of business, I think this is as good a time as any to remind listeners, locally based mostly, that on January 23rd... Local to Vancouver. Local to Vancouver, yeah. Home of the Chomp Chomp Express. On January 23rd, that's a Monday, at the Havana Theatre on Commercial Drive will be the first in a series of The Laugh Gallery shows. The first one featuring Dave Shumka.

Past guests Ben Mills, Jane Stanton, Charlie Demers. Oh, my. Yeah, what a lineup. $5 gets you in and gets you a footlong sandwich. Well, yeah, that's any day of the week. Is that any day of the week? I don't know. Yeah, during this special time of year, January, $5 footlong month.

Footlong awareness month. You wear a long lapel pin that hangs down your entire chest. It drips. Drips mayonnaise down your chest. Anyways, so yeah, for anybody who's interested in coming to that, uh, tickets at the door. The 23rd at the Havana Theater, uh, on commercial drive. Now, and as far as business, uh, we have a Jumbotron message. That's right.

If you want to advertise on our Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Personal messages are a hundred of your earth dollars, uh, and corporate messages are 200. And, uh, this one comes from a woman named Yo. It's short for Yolanda. Or Yo MTV Raps. We weren't sure, but you say Yolanda. I say Yo MTV Raps, my favorite brand of trading cards. So, Yolanda's boyfriend, Rob M.

Ooh. It is his birthday on January uh january 15th that's right uh happy belated birthday missed you by a couple days buddy yeah but you know it still counts we still remember it um and uh these two people wonderful people big fans of the show they were in town during the uh the gray cup and tried to see us doing shows neither of us were. They were in town during the Grey Cup and tried to see us doing shows. Neither of us were either, I think, in town or doing shows. I was in town. I played the Grey Cup halftime show. That's right. I forgot.

What was your... It's a salute to the maple trees. Yep. It was a four-hour halftime show. Laser light show. It was awful. It cost a million dollars Halftime show It was awful It cost a million dollars Nobody liked it Yeah these two These two wonderful people It's a happy birthday to Rob

From Yo And from their Soon to be born baby Peanut And she wrote in an additional email that they were uh actively taking suggestions for names because they that's that's what they've come up with so far is peanut pretty good uh what was our thing that we came up with blue velvet what was uh yeah blue ivy blue ivy is a good uh yeah or ivy blue or chomp chomp express the The Chomp Chomp Express. Oh, CC Express. That's pretty good.

Or Pizza Cals. These are great baby names. These are three really good pizza names. One of them is trademarked. I said those are three great pizza names. That's what I said. Oh, also a good name for a baby. Meat Lovers. Well, happy birthday, Rob, and next seggy. Lips, teeth, pavement, ow.

Wasn't funny then, but it's funny now. Childhood injuries. Childhood injuries, the only theme song that is performed by not us. Oh, no, that's not true. What do you mean? Oh, like performed in a studio. Well, yeah, I mean, the ones are usually performed by a guest or you or I with musical accompaniment. That was produced by, yeah, Paul Anthony and Steve Bays of Hot Hot Heat.

Right. Well, Paul Anthony isn't of anything. Oh, no. He's of Talent Time. Yeah. He's not of a rock concern. Oh, he is a stalagmite. Stalagmite.

Stalagmite. So, childhood injuries was... This is, by the way, we're eight segments in We're eight segments We're about a third of the way through But keep in mind, that get to know us took forever Yeah, that's true, but it was great We got to know a lot of stuff Handy

Runner This segment, childhood injuries Oh, I just realized something When I run, if I'm wearing a baseball hat, I'll look like Forrest Gump. Because of your dumb beard? Yeah, because he ran from coast to coast and he grew his beard all crazy big. And the free shoes you're going to get are 1970s Nike Cortez's. Oh, I didn't even ask what kind of shoes they're going to be.

Um, uh, this segment is, uh, basically we thought how, we thought it was really funny that in our childhood, and basically everyone's childhood, there are some crazy dangerous things that happen to you. I feel like this segment is one that just kind of lost ground, but I think with new listeners. Yeah, I think it lost ground because we ran out of things about ourselves to talk about. We did, but then I remembered one,

and I'm not sure if I've talked about it in this segment. I feel like I've talked about it in the podcast at one point but it was uh i was thinking about it like i had a friend and you know crazy things happened to but i was like no what was something that happened to me and it was when i was wrestling with my dad over the remote control as a child yeah this is as i'm a 13 yearyear-old, let's say. 13, 14. And how big was your beard? It was but an apple in my eye. Sure. I was still watching ZZ Top videos and saying, why not me? Yeah.

I was wrestling with my dad, and he, my dad was, and I think still would be up for a good grapple um we were wrestling and it got got fairly intense i think the remote broke and also at one point uh he put his knee on my chest and which we you we heard this pop sound and uh I was like, ooh, that hurts a lot. And I had trouble the next day in gym class. I was breathing. Changing. And so we went to the doctor, and I fractured my sternum. You had fractured your sternum?

Well, it was a cooperative effort. If I had given the remote over like I should have, this wouldn't have happened. Yeah. I don't want to watch Designing Women. But my doctor wrote a doctor's note that was good for, I would say, like three months worth of gym classes. Nice. It said Graham has cracked his sternum. And there's no way you can't put a cast on it.

It just has to heal what a fun cast though it would look like a bra yeah exactly you'll get a whip so there you go that's my childhood injury I wrestled a lot as a kid not with my dad

though my dad and my brothers we were talking about that last week About missing having wrestling in our lives I would wrestle with my brother And my sisters But yeah my dad The one thing he would do to really throw me around We would do this dance

This is like the opposite of wrestling Yeah And it was too I think it was a different song. Like, I don't know. It wasn't originally a Beach Boys song. And the way my dad sang it wasn't, certainly wasn't the way the Beach Boys sang it. Called Do You Wanna Dance?

He would do it like this. Oh, no, that was by, yeah, that's not by the Beach Boys. It predates the Beach Boys. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my dad predates everything. Do You Wanna Dance Under the Moonlight, etc.? Yeah. With the devil. Squeeze me all through the night, oh everything. Do you want to dance under the moonlight, etc.? Yeah. With the devil?

Squeeze me all through the night, oh baby, do you want to dance? And then we'd go, do you, do you, do you, and he would just shake me around. It was great. He did it when you were a baby, before it was called Shake It Baby Central. Yeah, he did it throughout my adolescence. I'm sure if I called him up right now and asked him to, he would do it. Yeah, if you just started singing that song, he might grab the nearest thing and start shaking. Muscle memory.

Well, that's great. Anything else? Nope. Move along. Next up. It's all right, because it's Saved by the Bell. Favorite lines. Now, we did, yeah, like, I think we did this once. Uh-huh. I fought it.

Did you? I think the tape will show differently that you embraced it. This is Saved by the Bell Favorite Lines, where we just talk about our favorite lines from Saved by the Bell. to somebody about is now there's two or maybe three different channels dedicated to shows about tweens and teens in school, basically. Yeah. There's dozens and dozens of them. You work on one. I, not anymore.

Oh, yeah. You worked on one. I worked on one. And, you know, there's all sorts of them. But when we were that age, there was one. And it was Saved by the Bell. Well, there was Saved by the Bell. There was some Degrassi.

Sure, Degrassi. But Degrassi was already off the air by the time I was that age. But it was back on the air frequently. It was in rerun. It was pre-art. Yeah, it looked pretty old when we watched it but but even it was filmed on eight millimeter film but i remember watching saved by the bell what must have been new episodes and thinking oh how old is this piece of garbage it's true

and then at the same time there were there were tweeny uh there was like california dreams california dreams you're right but then I have trouble thinking of any other ones. Was there one called City Guys? But that might feel like... Oh, yeah, City Guys. There was the whole TNBC Saturday morning lineup. Hang time? Hang time, sure.

That's it. Breaker High. That wasn't TNBC, but that was certainly in the genre. Yeah, I think that was a little later. Teenagers on a Boat featuring Ryan Gosling. Yeah. Yeah think that was a little later teenagers on a boat featuring ryan gosling yeah uh yeah that's a little later i mean mark called part paul gosselaar is you know 10 years older than ryan gosling that's eight yeah i mean certainly they couldn't star on franklin and bash together no um now uh i was like jogging my memory i was watching some old clips you were jogging uh i went jogging in preparation for my son run the jog slog yeah start start with your memory

start jogging real easy start by jogging your memory but there was a there was an episode that i saw a clip of and i remember it being one of my favorite uh episodes ever was where zach runs a teen line with uh lisa is he nitro zach has an australian australian accent and his name is nitro somehow they were making money off of this i don't remember but was that another part? Wasn't there like a suicide prevention line? No, no, this was... It was a different episode for free?

Yeah, Lisa... Somehow they were profiting off of teen lines, so Zach was making problems that the teens would have to call team lines for. Was there a girl in a wheelchair in this episode? Nope, that's a different episode. The one where Zach feels obligated to... Overcompensate.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. It starts... The one where he hobbles Slater with a sledgehammer and a 2x4. Anyways, yeah, the episode where he called himself Nitro and girls called him to tell them

their problems with his Australian accent. Pretty great. Oh, you don't have a line? Nope. Oh, okay. Just the whole thing that it exists. Well, there was one thing where the girls are getting in a fight and Zach walks in and goes, call the teen line. I think my favorite, it probably was my favorite the only other time

we did this segment, was when they spread a rumor that Screech was gonna elope with Kelly and Mr. Belding said, Screech, you cantaloupe. And Screech said, who are you calling a cantaloupe, you melonhead? Pretty good. Pretty good, Screech.

That was probably the high point of Dustin Diamond's comedy career. Next segment. You're too old for... Forget it. Now, do you remember the premise of this? Because I had to think about it, of what the premise was. Well, this segment is called Too Old for This. It's a thank you to Pat Kelly for singing the theme song.

Or half singing it. Yeah. I don't remember the premise, no. The premise was based on the fact that at one point, Charlie Demers and I were remembering how much we love The Lion King. And then we looked when it was released and we were way too old to have enjoyed The Lion King that much. We're full teenagers. And so this segment was dedicated to something that you really do enjoy, but you know that you're too old for.

Yeah. And I had to think about this one, but not very hard, because I know there's something I am currently enjoying that I'm're too old for. Yeah. And I had to think about this one, but not very hard, because I know there's something I am currently enjoying that I'm much too old for. Dave, do you have anything like that? Okay. This might have been one I did back when we did the segment. This is like a greatest hit.

Yeah. Everybody is enjoying it. But I still love... I really only buy one video game a year, and it's the hockey game every year. Ah, yes, the good old hockey game. Yeah, and this year. Stomp at Tom Connors. Yeah.

NHL 2012. The only hockey game where you wear a cowboy hat and sing songs about truckers. No, it's NHL, I guess, 2011, 2012 this year. Yep. And I do the career mode where you make yourself a player. Yeah. And you play as yourself, except I make myself a player who's like, he kind of looks like me, as good as you can fake it.

Sure. As pale as possible. Yeah, skin tone all the way to the left. Yep. That's the most honest thing I can do in there. He is, like, 6'6", 300 pounds, which I think is a good weight. Yeah. Yeah, for a guy that's 6'6".

But I love it so much that for work, I wake up. I've gotten to the point. I used to wake up at 6.30 in the morning and then just tool around on the internet for a while before I actually needed to be at work. Now, the last couple of weeks, I do need to be at work quite early. So I get up at 6.30 in the morning and have to shower right away. But regardless, on the weekends, I still wake up at 6.30 in the morning to play video games. When I'm not disturbing anyone. That's the thing.

That is. You're probably too old for that. Yeah. Mine follows in a similar trajectory in terms of I should be sleeping. It's 4 in the morning. Cannot sleep. Yeah. You're an insomniac.

I'm an insomniac. sleeping uh it's four in the morning cannot sleep yeah you're an insomniac an insomniac and so uh most channels uh only broadcast on like a certain uh amount they only broadcast a certain amount of day and then the rest is paid for advertisements yeah for insomniacs yeah insomniacs are losers there's a lot of loser advertising why are the losers up so late uh because they don't have to get up the next day oh that's right um so there's uh so losers and winners sure people who are up too early well like people no but people who don't have to get up the next day because oh like lottery winners yeah or you know like i imagine uh imagine Bill Gates doesn't go to work ever. He probably does.

He's trying to save, what is he trying to wipe out malaria or something? I don't know. Him versus malaria. Who do you like? What are the odds? But my thing is that I discovered one of the channels that has a 24-hour schedule is the like family channel. four-hour schedule is the like family channel and so there's a cartoon show that i started watching uh that i i didn't even understand the premise of it the first two times i was watching it

but i thought it was really funny was it's a show called phineas and ferb i've heard of the name of it it's two kids and it takes place during the summer their summer vacation and how are they going to fill up their days of summer vacation and uh they have a you know so they like do all these crazy things you know somebody will say something they'll vent a waterfall or something and then they have a pet platypus that moonlights as a spy and uh like i didn't know what i was watching but i was like oh i really like all these jokes and there there's little songs in it. And man, I'm really kind of hooked on it. I really love the Finneans.

I think there are grown-ups who like that. I can't imagine where else I would have heard about that show. But it is really for kids. It's not like one of those, no, there's some subversive stuff in there for adults. There isn't. It really is a show for kids. I'm too old for oh well but i loves it next segment okay well the uh random number generator has determined that the next segment is something or something now we this is the segment where we take two similar things generally celebrities that we can't tell apart. We've done Nolte or Busey. We've done Alba or

Beal. Paxton or Pullman. Paxton or Pullman. And I name things about two celebrities and Graham or the guest has to decide whether these things are more Paxton or more Pullman. This time we are doing Dylan McDermott

or Dermot Mulrooney. I said it's Dermot McDermot. It's McDermott or Dermot Mulrooney. I said it's Dermot McDermott. It's McDermott or Dermot. Dermot. These are two actors. They sound funny when you say their names together. Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulrooney. Like if they were in a movie together, you could never.

Dylan McDermott, Dermot Mulrooney. Well, yeah, that's sort of their deal that's kind of their thing that they do that's what they are known for for being sort of like each other they don't really look alike but their names are i seriously can't picture like you you said who they were and i know generally but i can't picture who is who in my head well this is going to be great yeah Okay, the first word is double door. Double door. I'm going to say that that's

Dermot because of something to do with the practice. Wait, Dylan McDermott was on the practice? Yes. Dermot Mulrooney. Yeah, Dermot McDill. So you're saying Dylan McDermott because he was on the practice? Yes, that's the one. No, Dermot Mulrooney co-owns a club in Chicago called The Double Door.

Oh, that sounds gross. That club sounds gross. Yeah, it's a sex euphemism. Mark Anthony. Dermot Mulroney is a big Mark... No, he married Jennifer Lopez before Mark Anthony did. Dylan McDermott's birth name was Mark Anthony McDermott. It still would have been...

I still think we would have gotten them confused if he'd kept his name. If his name was Mark McDermott, he would have to be a weatherman of some sort. Oh, yeah. What a dorkus. Mark McDorkus. I'm Mark McDermott with your five-day forecast. Vagina monologues. Ooh.

Dermot. McDermot. You can't have your Dermot and eat it, too. You don't know these people. It's awful. This segment is ruining the show. Dermot Maroney. No, Dylan McDermott's dad married Eve Ensler, the writer of the vagina monologue.

Do you think that her monologues, they went downhill after she got married? Like, it's like, when she was a single vagina, those monologues were fresh. But now it's just the same monologue, but the same wiener all the time. Yeah, I'm lucky to get one monologue a month. Okay, Catherine Keener. Oh, that's Dermot Mulrooney. Oh, Dermot Mulrooney was married to Catherine Keener.

Yeah, I just felt right. Okay. Cello. Dylan McDermott. Dermot Mulroney plays the cello on several recordings, including the Mission Impossible 3 score. What? That would be the craziest.

Do you get all the session musicians and then him? I think I looked at some pictures of how it happened. I think he must have also been in the movie. I know he's a musician I think he must have also been in the movie. I know he's a musician, but he must have also been in the movie. Because they also had a picture of Tom Cruise conducting. Of course. Why can't Tom Cruise be like third chair violin? Oh, he could.

Why does Tom Cruise have to be the conductor? Because he's got the small man Napoleon Dynamite complex. Yeah. Next segment. You got a symptom, we got a diagnosis. Okay, so now this was a

Dave Shumka driven segment. Oh yeah. Basically the idea behind symptom and diagnosis was that there were some pretty funny symptom options it would give you on WebMD. Oh, yeah, right. When you were trying to check what was wrong with you. And I think there were, like, I went back and listened to some, and one of them was, one of the symptoms was, like, increased volume of your voice voice and the diagnosis was intoxication. You go to the doctor because you're drunk?

Yeah. What's wrong with me? I keep falling over. And so I looked up some more symptoms and diagnosis. I will try. I will give you some, I will give you the symptom and you try to diagnose me. Okay. The symptom is,

I repeat phrases. You're a parrot. You're a Borat fan. Yeah. No, I am autistic. Okay, yes. You repeat phrases. You might be autistic. Now, I am autistic. Okay, yes. You repeat phrases. You might be autistic.

Now, they had two under head. They had two kinds of headaches. They had headache and then headache and then in parentheses, worst ever. Oh. Worst ever headache. You've been in a car accident. I feel like there could be so many. Yeah, yeah.

Headache really. You have an ax in your head. in a car accident. I feel like there could be so many. Yeah, yeah. A headache really... You have an axe in your head. You are a hockey player involved in some sort of skirmish. Yeah. The answer was brain aneurysm. Oh, yikes. That would hurt.

Yeah, that would be like the worst headache. Listeners, if you have a headache and it persists for more than a day, would you say, you should go to the hospital? No, if you have a headache. We're worried about you. If day, would you say? You should go to the hospital We're worried about you If you have the worst ever headache Then go to the hospital right away

Well, first call Guinness Or Ripley's Depends on who you can get on the phone Yeah, believe it or not Okay The symptom is You are feeling smothered You are a smothers brother

You are Tom Smothers. Mom always liked you best. You're being smothered. You're being murdered. In the process of being murdered. You're feeling smothered. So maybe you're feeling Tom Smothers. Oh, okay. Or Dick Smothers. Sure. No, you have

general anxiety disorder. Boring. Do you think, like, do you wonder who is more smothering in the Smothers Brothers relationships with their wives? I think it was the mother, because she really picked sides. Fucked them up for life. That's true.

Okay, one more. Yep. Rapid speech. Oh, you're the guy, the micromachines guy. You're an auctioneer. Yeah, you suffer from auctioneer, I guess. You have an auctioneer ache. You're on storage warts.

No, there are two possible... You have storage warts. Storage warts? The two options that WebMD gives me are either cocaine abuse or methamphetamine abuse. You forgot that you're abusing either of those. You're a doctor. Doctor, I'm talking really fast, but I know I'm not on cocaine. Yeah.

Do you want to party? Where's the bathroom? Next segment. What's it called? The Clutch? Next segment. What's it called in French? This segment, I think we did it once because we read a package and it had a funny translation for it in French.

Yes. But we haven't done it since because it's awful. But the one thing that I found out in between that and now is that the Smurfs were not called the Smurfs in French. They were called... Les Schtroumpfs. That's pretty great. When I discovered that, I laughed so hard. That was like a Cake Boss sister laugh I had. Those sisters, when you posted those on the blog...

I had to download the episode. You posted a picture, the perfect picture, from that episode at MaximumFud.org from the Dan Wurb episode. No, no, no, the Pete picture from that episode at MaximumFud.org from the Dan Wurb episode. No, no, no. Pete Johansson, episode 199. If you go to the blog and you see the photo of the Cake Boss sisters,

just the photo made me laugh. Because that one sister, the whole bottom half fell off. Oh, God. The golden cane. Everything's great. So that was what's called in French. Next segment. Is he a bloke? Or will he just choke?

I don't know. Ah, yes. Thank you to Bita Judaki for this theme song. We've got to have her back. Yeah, we've got to. This is the League of Extraordinary Blokes. Now, before we explain what this is, beat a judaki for this theme song uh this we gotta have her back yeah we we gots to um this is the league of extraordinary blokes now before we explain what this is it's time for celebrity birthdays uh you know what's weird is we've been doing this segment for a while yeah like zero

zero feedback no feedback yeah no one has given us any feedback every other segment we've ever done has gotten kind of some feedback. We like it. It could use a theme. They say sometimes they recommend how we could do a theme. This is the only one that hasn't at all. Oh, well. Okay, well, celebrating a big celebrity birthday today. We are recording this

on January 10th. Or are we? Ooh, yep. Big happy celebrity birthday to Wayne Gretzky's wife, Janet Gretzky. You might remember her as the star of She Was the Gym Teacher

in the Hot for Teacher video by Van Halen. Also the mother of the new slutty Gretzky who posted naked pictures of herself on Twitter. Yeah, and she, I think it was Twitter Gretzky is her name. She was also in the Miami Police Academy movie. Happy celebrity birthday to Pat Benatar.

She hit me with her best shot? We're lovers in a dangerous time. Nope. She's 59 today. The, I guess, spokesman for stomach pumps everywhere. Rod Stewart is 67 today. Sorry. Old semen belly himself.

Spokesman for stomach pumps. Stop it. You stop it. Pornographer Al Goldstein is 76 today. What does he make? Oh, I looked it up today. What does he make? Oh, I looked it up today. What was it called? It was called, like, Butt Magazine.

That's not true. No, it was like one dumb word. Jugs? No. Do I have to look it up? Tens? I'll look it up in the next break. Chesties?

Chesticles? And the answer to this week chesticles this week's trivia question this former boxer kissed a grill and he liked it George Foreman is 63

I mean but yay okay so now it's time to get back to the business at hand which is the league of celebrity blokes extraordinary blokes but also I want to know what this jugs it must have been jugs Now it's time to get back to the business at hand, which is the League of Celebrity Blokes.

Extraordinary Blokes. But also, I want to know what this... Jugs? It must have been Jugs. No, no. I'll find it in the next segment break. So the League of Extraordinary Blokes, it was just a list of... Long before The Expendables was a movie.

Yeah. Or even an apple in Stallone's weird eye. Twinkle in his veins. an apple in Stallone's weird eye. Twinkle in his veins. We had this whole thing of like, what if there was a league of guys that basically have gone on to make the two expendable movies?

Yeah, but I think the way we described it was like the best guys. Yeah, the top of guys. But it's been a long time since we've done this segment. There's some guys who have entered the fray. Yeah, like Jason Statham was basically the the he was kind of the king of the alpha and omega in our bloke world and over time he's still he's still in there i don't know if he would reign supreme what with a world where tom hardy exists all of a sudden yeah and channing tatum yeah you're

channing tatum's and you're tom hardy's not to mention a Ryan Gosling who was able to star in two back-to-back films wearing a scoop neck t-shirt. Not a lot of actors can pull that off. What was the other back-to-back movie of that? It was Drive and Crazy Stupid Love. Oh. Scoop neck t-shirts. No, I wouldn't put Gosling in the list. You wouldn't?

No. Have you seen Drive? Nope. If you saw Drive, you would put him in the but i won't what why not drive's awesome yeah he's still too pretty boy i think oh but if you see drive like could he be in the expendables yeah yes also what's with his weird accent he's canadian oh does he have a weird accent yeah when he goes on tv shows he's like has this brooklyn accent everybody thinks we have weird accents that listen to this from the states yeah they think we all sound like uh red green it's true um i'm not admitting uh gosling i tom hardy is great tom hardy also channing tatum i was joking also uh watching i went to go see the muppets movie and jason siegel you know that no that giant muppet that's always chasing him that has like the big nose and the big floppy lip?

Yeah, yeah, the hairy guy. Yeah, his name's Sweetums. I looked it up. I would admit him to the League of Legends. Yeah, I like that. He should be in the next Expendables. He should. Yeah, he should be like, you know, their communications op.

It's over in Japan or whatever country they're blowing uh communications op it's over in japan or whatever country they're blowing also uh goro from mortal kombat it was super blokey good call yeah also uh i don't know as long as we're on the fictional kick popeye the sailor man yep love it as blokey as it gets next segment na na na na na na I'm going back in time yay thanks to pink for the theme song pink

there's more than you think one in the stink this is a this segment is well we would ask our guests what's the one thing they would do if they could go any direction in time? Yeah, and we've talked about our various decisions on this matter. I think I have one reason. Has anything changed? Yeah, I have one that I think I would do just as a service

to an individual. It wouldn't better mankind or anything, but I would go back to, I guess, maybe a year and a half, two years ago, let's say. Maybe even three years ago, I would go back to an Oprah Winfrey who was deciding to close up shop on her successful television show

and start out on her own network and go, do not do it. Nobody wants it. Everybody loves your show that you do every day. Keep doing that. And do not strike out on your own. There wasn't the rumor that... On your own, get it? Because it's called Own Is Her Network. Okay. Hey, what?

Wasn't there a rumor that she was going to immediately start doing her own show on her network? Which she has done, except not the same format. Yeah, that's what she needs to do, is do her talk show and people will watch it. Yeah, but I think just cut out the middleman, time-wise, and just keep doing your show and

collecting your billions of dollars. Okay, so I, in the break, while the theme song played, we didn't take a break. I looked up what Al Goldstein did. He was the head of the company that made a magazine called Screw. Oh, man, I wouldn't have guessed that without you. And then he, according to his Wikipedia entry, According to his Wikipedia entry, he went to jail for harassing his third wife, who he married twice. And after he got out of jail, he was homeless, and Penn Jillette paid for him to live in an apartment.

What? So I would go back in time and, I don't know, kill Penn Jillette. Penn Jillette. You don't have to do dirtbag stuff like that. Or do you? Yeah, it's really crazy. What? Is Penn Jillette maybe

of Penn and Teller? Yes. One of the dirtbaggiest guys. He just is a greasy dude. He lives in Las Vegas. We live in a world chock full of dirtbags. I think Penn Jillette wouldn't even be at the top of the scrapy, top of the glacial ice that is the iceberg that is the dirtbags of the world.

I mean, we live in a world where you've got the guy who runs american apparel the guy who used to take photos for vice terry richardson yeah uh is that his name terry richardson uh you're vincent gallows the guy who ran screw magazine pen gillette his benefactor but teller teller's cool uh You know, most of the leaders of the Middle Eastern world. Hey, hey, hey. You're dictators. Hey, hey. No, I'm talking about the dictators.

Some of those guys are my friends. Oh, which ones? They're friends of the show. Rank them in the top five. Okay, well, a lot of them are dead now. Gaddafi ghost. Yeah. Number one.

Yeah, he was a creep. He was a top ten creep no where would you put who would be higher up on the list qaddafi or pendulet oh pendulet's a creep okay but what if i say that you have to take out both of their renowned magics skills what about both of their uh hair greases they do have about the same hair grease uh we kid. Pendulet's a big listener of the show. He's a friend. Big booster. Okay, next segment.

Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite things. Speaking of Oprah Winfrey, this is a segment we stole from Oprah Winfrey to kind of... She's not using it anymore because you left your show. Well, we stole it before she gave it up. But she used to do a thing on her show where she would give everyone in the audience pashminas, and she would call it her favorite things.

So many pashminas. Everyone would go crazy. As you would if you got a free thing. Yeah, I like free stuff. I'm getting free running lessons. Oh, wait, that's me. How do I get myself into these things? But Oprah's favorite things would be like, uh, everyone in the

audience gets these plasma TVs and companies would, would pay to have Oprah basically advertise her product. I heard that one company paid a million doll hairs. Oh, was it the American Girl Doll Company? Is that, that's a store, right? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, where you make your own doll?

Yeah, it's Build-A-Bear Doll Workshop. Oh, do you think in the future, probably in the present in Japan, there's a place that you can build your own... Sex dolls? Yeah, real doll. You just go in and, like, you... Yeah, I want a face like this, but a body like that. I want it to have bear claws.

I want an ass that can swallow up a G-string. And up top, two bee stings. Give me the Conway. The Conway? Conway West. Condé Nast. Okay, so we, instead of these expensive things that Oprah would give away, we did sort of affordable things that we liked, or dumb things that Graham saw in a magazine.

Well, this isn't something dumb I saw in a magazine. It's something I saw in the back of Screw magazine. No, okay, what is yours? Mine isn't a thing that you can buy, but it's something that's great. Integrity. I was reading Esquire magazine, and in the back of it, they have really cheap ads.

And that really cheapens the entire magazine. Sure. Like, it really feels like... I don't feel you're reading a magazine unless there's some cheapo ads for some weird thing, like, blow your own smoke rings or some weird product. Or, like, just the weirdest sort of... Like, what even are they selling? It's just got a couple wearing satin gowns yeah and it just says fuck intimate fragrances

increase your sex quench um okay my favorite thing is my favorite thing is sex quench yeah well you gotta increase it uh my favorite thing is a uh actually a christmas gift i got uh it is a mandolin what not the musical instrument okay the vegetable slicing thing oh wow slices vegetables very evenly oh nice you put a vegetable in the thing and then you run it back and forth over a slicey, and you get, oh, all these potatoes are the same size wedge. That's a fun favorite thing. In juliennes, it slices and dices. You can even cut a tin can with it. Ginsu?

Oh, that's a good name for a baby. Ginsu. Yeah, Ginsu. Go back. If I can go back in time. My favorite thing, and I'm not being facetious about this, this shit, when I saw this,

I was like, I feel like this is the lighthouse off in the distance where it's like, shit's gonna start turning around. The change sorter they put in at the Safeway near my house. I fucking love that thing. Yeah, but like forever, there was like one in all of

mainland vancouver it was like commercial yeah and then that one broke because people kept trying to wash their clothes in it that's not exactly what happened is it no i think i don't know how they break i think people i think you're not supposed to put so many coins yeah you'll put too many pence in it um but yeah there's a brand new, brand new chain sorter at the Safeway right near my house. And dude, I feel like a million bucks. Because I got, like, buckets and buckets of change. You feel like a million pennies.

Because in Canada, people who have never been to Canada from around the world are listeners. In Soviet Union, chain sorts you. Yeah, chain sorts you. In Soviet Union, Chainsaw 2. Yeah, Chainsaw 2. In Screw Magazine, something fondle something. But we're a very change-heavy culture here. Yeah, our dollars and two dollars. Are all change. We call them loonies and toonies because we're dumb.

But you end up with, like I can't even remember the last time I had a bill. I think the last time I was paid was in a bucket of toonies. Yeah, yeah. Even the cash machines just throw pennies at your face. So the change sorter at Safeway is my favorite thing. You like cutting up fries. I like putting my pennies in a thing. Yeah, you should get a change sorter at your house.

Oh, no. I'm not rich. I'm not an Oprah. I blew it all on my dumb own network. Guess what? Everyone who's listening is getting their own change sorter. The big kind. Yeah, the big kind.

From Safeway. Go to Safeway and pick up your own. Next segment. That is one of our very first segments. Probably our most enduring segment. I think we did it once, and it was great, and people have requested it ever since. It's called Pop Rocks Minute.

Basically, the conceit of this was that we would eat Pop Rocks into microphones for a minute and talk about what's going on with Pop Rocks. Now, today, I went out. There's different brands of pop rocks there's like uh uh mouth zappers and oh okay but pop and fresh uh but i only got pop rocks brand uh i appreciate it you're a purist they had four different flavors so you can choose okay there's strawberry okay there is watermelon there is bubble gum and i think it actually turns into

bubble gum that's the one i want oh really yeah uh and there's chocolate oh the chocolate one is tempting it but i i was hoping they would be so gross and like chocolate flavored but they're just chocolate covered oh That sounds disgusting. I'm still going to go with my original instinct and say bubblegum. Yeah! I threw that and hit the microphone. I'm going to go with the chocolate. It literally says on it, turns into

gum. Okay, so... Product of Spain? Really? Now, when I realized we were doing this segment, I did a Google News search of Pop Rocks. Yeah. To see if... If there's any news?

Yeah. And there is. Oh, okay. Did you know, before we launch into this, that this was made by Zeta Especial in Spain? Everyone knows that. This was made... Mine was made at Pop Rocks Incorporated. 3 Dunwoody Park.

Suite 128, Atlanta. What? Yours were made in a different spot than mine? Oh, maybe they were distributed in the U.S. Oh, yeah. They were distributed in the U.S. Absolutely. Where are you saying it was made?

Underneath. Made in Spain by Zeta Especial. S.A. Manufactured under U.S. patent. Stored in a cool, dry place. All right. Pop Rocks Minute. Ooh, these smell powerful. Powerful bad. Okay. One, two, three. Wait, a cool, dry place. All right, Pop Rocks Minute. Ooh, these smell powerful.

Powerful bad. Okay, one, two, three. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to chew Pop Rocks and report Pop Rocks news at the same time. All right. Oh, chocolate! Oh, there it is. Oh.

This is just chocolate. This tastes like it's just gum, but it's clearly Pop Rocks as well. Well, there was a Pop Rocks moment during the primaries in Iowa. In Iowa, really? Yep. A young woman in Sioux City asked Mitt Romney to make the candy known as Pop Rocks more accessible. Well, Mitt Romney said... You're fired. I used to remember those. It's been a long time since I've had Pop Rocks.

There are a lot of things I can blame on the president, but I'm not going to blame him for getting rid of Pop Rocks. I'm afraid that the market just wasn't there. Pop Rocks. You get the leader you deserve. Yeah. Next segment. Who's that guy carrying the flag every day? What do you call him?

Flag Pete, Flag Frank, you don't know his name. So you made up a name, yeah. This segment is called Neighborhood Nicknames. It is, well, we realized that there were people in our neighborhoods, and that you probably have people in your neighborhood, who you don't know, you don't speak to, but you see them every day, and you have a nickname for them in your head. Yeah, they're kind of like the celebrities of your small, small world. Yeah, in my neighborhood, the ones that come to mind are Fat J-Lo, Stumbles, Santa. There's the guy in my neighborhood that's the hobo with the awesome body.

Yep. He's my favorite. It's a fun nickname. This is from a listener. Oh, shit. I didn't write down the name of who it is, but... Oh, no, it's from Terry. Hi, Terry.

Yeah. Terry S. This is a neighborhood nickname. There's a middle-aged guy in the neighborhood where I grew up. He had some gray hair for as long as I can remember. So this is like when he's a kid, this guy had gray hair. He's an adult. This guy still got some gray hair, but not completely.

He always seemed to be outside doing yard work with his shirt off and is weirdly fit for his age. He will also give the stare down to anyone driving through the neighborhood as though they're speeding, no matter what speed they're going. Anyways, because of his weirdly fit stature and his semi-gray hair, he has always been known to us just as Just For Men. That's pretty good. So, that's a pretty good neighborhood nickname. Yeah. I don't have any new ones, I don't think. Since we lasted the segment, I think I moved two blocks, but I don't see any other new people.

But I do, we did get a... Oh, I have one. Yeah. There's an old guy in my neighborhood who wears, he looks like maybe he was in the military all the way up until mandatory retirement age. And he marches up and down the street. And I don't have a nickname for him, but I'm actively seeking. Sure. So when you're thinking of baby names.

No, he's too small. He's like, imagine like a little british guy marching okay sergeant benny hill sergeant sergeant jackie cooper uh what is the funny name for the song from benny hill wacky sacks yakity yakity yakity sacks yeah um that's what i'm gonna call him yakity sacks all right i love it uh now we did have a phone call. I think it's an overheard, but there's some funny nicknames in it. All right. In preparation for today's show, I went through some things that didn't make the air the first time. You went through a lot of emotions.

I went through some things that I had labeled after certain segments that we had just stopped doing, and this was labeled nickname. Here we go. Hey, guys. It's Cameron in Vancouver calling with an overheard. A couple of weeks ago, I was standing in line in a concession stand in Stanley Park and there was this couple in front of me also standing in line and one of his friends came over and he's like, hey man, how's it going? I haven't seen you in forever. So they were catching up.

And then he's like, hey man, I saw Scuzzy. Scuzzy was here. Man, I haven't seen that guy in a while. So then they were catching up a little bit more.

And he's like, alright guys, I gotta go. I'm here with Stiles and Boogeyman. I'll catch you later. So, enjoy the show and keep it up.

Stiles and Boogeyman. Not to mention Scuzzy. That's on this Friday after Rizzoli and Isles. Scuzzy and Boogeyman. Scuzzy is a guy who owns a porn star and Boogeyman is a professional dancer. I think he said he owns a porn star. Yeah, he owns a porn star.

He bought him in the slave trade. No, he bought a real doll in Japan. No, he bought a star and named it after a porn star. He bought him in the slave trade. No, he bought a real doll in Japan. No, he bought a star and named it after a porn star. Yeah. Screw. Next segment. Overheard. Overheard.

A segment we rarely do. We did it once or twice, and then it just never caught. It just didn't have legs, yeah. Overheard. Things overheard in general life. A segment we rarely do. We did it once or twice, and then it just didn't have legs. Overheards. Things overheard in general life. Now, there was some debate beforehand. Do we want to do them and have somebody, or do we just want to do a listener overheard and just move it right along? It doesn't matter to me.

Let's do a listener. Just listeners? Yeah. Well, usually we do three written-in ones and three called in ones. Let's just do one. Yeah, we're going the distance. Now, if you want to send in overheards every week, you can send them in to StopPodcastYourself at gmail.com or you can call in 206-339-8328. Your Pop Rocks gum is still popping.

Can you put that pillow on top of it? Yep. Reach for it. There it is. All right. This overheard comes from Mike D. from Peterborough, Ontario. Okay. Hello, Graham and Dave.

I saw this in a big box washroom. Now, that tells you it's Canadian right there, because we're the only ones that say washroom. Are we the only ones who call them big box stores? That's a good question. A Target, a Walmart. Yes, right. And in brackets, he says, I definitely don't want to work there, the place that the big box store is in. In Peterborough, in brackets, he says, definitely don't want to work there, the place that the big box store is in Peterborough.

In brackets, he says, definitely don't want to work there. So he's dissing his own town. I like it. Sure. I wasn't sure if it was good for your show, but it made me laugh. Enjoy. And it sure is. Let me describe what the picture is.

It's quite well drawn, which is the great part. It was done with a ballpoint pen okay and it's a picture of a stick man bent over uh so his butt is presenting and the word home depot is going into his butt like not not the store or anything that represents home depot but the literal word Home Depot. Yeah, not an orange apron going into his butt. It's literally the word is going into his butt. It made me laugh so hard.

Yikes. Yeah, that's like those political cartoons where you're like, you know, it's got a stickman and it says, like, taxpayer. And then it's got, you know, it's got a stick man and it says, like, taxpayer. And then it's got, you know, the feds. I love a political cartoon that, how do I get across this? I'll just label it. Yeah, I'll just label the, but I'll just

have the word going into the guy's butt. Tax cuts. Social programs. Wait, who's the butt? Okay, so here's a phone call. 206-339-8328 is the number if you want to be like this person is. Hi, Graham and Dave. This is Nathaniel in Milwaukee calling with an overheard.

So I work at a security at a museum. During a slow day today, my supervisor was walking through the galleries, and he remarked to me, quiet in here. was walking through the galleries and he remarked to me, quiet in here. No sooner had here left his mouth than the nearest customer farted thunderously.

Felt like it was some really stupid comedy. Alright, love the show. Bye. That's like the audio version of Home Depot going into it, guys. Yeah. It sure is quiet in here. Brramp.

I want to know did you laugh? Did everyone laugh so loud? No, they all waited until the museum was closed and it was like night at the museum all the exhibits laughed Remember that guy who said Ulysses S. Grant to the dinosaur.

Have you seen that at the museum? Yeah. So do the exhibits come to life? Are they corpses? No. Is it a mummy museum? That's why it comes to life, because there's a mummy that they brought in, like, Tutankhamen's grave or whatever, and that's what brought everything to life at night. Oh, you know who they blame the fart on?

His toots are too common. The script writes itself. Yep, next one. When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. Never tasted liquor either. But one day, when I grew up

Put two and two together Drunk Daz Telling my girlfriend to start her period Drunk Daz Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man Drunk Daz Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy Drunk Daz

Drunk Daz Thanks to Kevin Lee for that theme song. When you are drunk, rather than calling your ex-lover, your ex-boss, your current boss, your current Danny Glover. Your Donald Glover. Your Donald Glover. Your Gary Payton, the glove. Any other famous gloves? The power gloves. Yeah, the glove don Any other famous gloves? The power gloves.

Yeah, the gloves don't fit. You must acquit. Body glove. Yeah, body guard. Guard. The Swiss guard. They guard the Pope. Oh, sure.

Carly Pope went to elementary school with me. Yeah, Carly Simon. Yep. She's so vain Paul Simon He's so short Edie Brickell Edie Brickell How did that come from Paul Simon?

She's married to Paul Simon Edie Brickell, Edie Gourmet Steven Edie, Steven Edie Amin That's a joke from Billy Crystal's comedy album. I want to say it was called Marvelous. Yeah. Oh, did you look so?

Okay, guys. If you are drunk, don't call your ex-glovers. Your current lover. Don't call Danny Glover. All those. Don't call anyone. Call us with your drunk dials. They're hilarious.

We will play them on the show. 206-339-8328. Program it into your information telephone now. Yeah, program it into your regular telephone. I sound like I'm making a drunk dial. Here's a couple of them. Hey, Draven Graham. Close.

This is Richard from Nebraska, Canada. Oh, fuck. No doubt. That didn't work out. Well, this is not my proudest moment bye that was great

not his proudest moment it was pretty great how much prouder were you hoping for I feel like he started with a he got our names wrong on purpose at the beginning but then couldn't steer out of it it's like a drunk driver trying to impress you with their driving. Yeah, and then they're like, uh-oh.

Check out this stunt. Oh, we ran over a Sasquatch. Now we're going to have to explain to the Sasquatch's teacher. What? One more drunk dial. No movie. It happened. Hey, Dave and Graham.

It's me. I'm trying to be quiet because people are sleeping in the other room. My parents are sleeping in the other room. But, like, sometimes when I call you guys, I hope that one of you will pick up, but you never do. So, I just wanted to say, I'm listening to your episode with Alistair Crowley. Crowley? Crowley? Crowley? It's Alistair somebody. Isn't he right? And I just realized that your show consists only of the two of you talking about the TV shows that you watch.

The crappy, shitty TV shows you watch. And I love you guys. Your show is just the two of you talking about TV shows that you watch. Yeah. And then people call in about things that they've overheard. And it's great, and I love it. You should have, like, a book club or something. You should talk about books you've read or something.

Like, talk about the book that everyone should read. You should talk about books more and less TV. And be more sophisticated. And have like the... It's Dave Shumka and Graham Clark do book club thing. You can call this a drop. What did he say? I don't know.

All right. He's really drunk. He's really drunk. He calls a lot. He was calling from underneath the sheets. Yeah, he had a flashlight going. Yeah, he called us by a walkie-talkie. Thanks for calling, Guy.

We're going to start a book club. Yeah, my favorite part was when he said your show's just talking about uh don't tv shows and people calling with their overheards it's great uh yeah we're gonna if we just talk about books then we would have you know one episode every six months yeah that's true i'm working through a book right now, but I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, I'm considering some books. Yeah, hey, yeah. On the to-do list.

Next! You can punch me in the belly, you can call me retarded, but don't get me started! That theme song, done by our very own Graham Clark. Wonderful. It's for our segment, Don't Get me started! That theme song, done by our very own Graham Clark, wonderful. It's for our segment, Don't Get Me Started. It's a segment where we talk about the things what irk us.

Yeah, that make us so angry inside. So angry that we're like a kettle that's about to explode. But don't do it. But don't. But don't, but don't. But don't, but don't. But don't. But don't. But don't. But don't.

But don't. Okay. So, Graham. Yeah. Hey, how do you feel about looking out for your fellow man? Dave, you know I like it. You know that I'm a big fan of looking out for your fellow man. Oh, I'm glad I got you started.

Which is why I got so angry today. Uh-oh. When I saw, when I was going out to pick up something to eat for dinner and i happened upon a scene uh at the train station there is a place that you could walk there you can see into the train station through a glass walkway and i could see that there was a man sprawled out on the floor completely passed out and I watched no less than 20 people walk over him, pretending that he did not exist. Now, it turns out that he was a young, drunk man, and I understand that.

I understand not wanting to get involved, but the very least you could do is look around and make sure, hey, somebody's dealing with this, right? Hey, you dead? Yeah, hey, guy, you're not having some kind of weird seizure, right? Because I really did see people pretending that it was not happening. And I'm like, I don't know if that happens in every other city. Maybe, maybe not. But Vancouver, that's a weak fucking sauce.

And I wish you didn't get me started on that. I saw a woman today while I was waiting for my lunch to be prepared. She was wearing these ridiculous boots this isn't my don't get me started but uh it was uh she was wearing these ridiculous boots with ridiculous heels and she fell over like a tree she like that's funny it was like timber it wasn't like she slipped it was but it came out of nowhere and it was uh she was a young woman she wasn't enfeebled but she fell over like a tree

she fell over very close to me though but I was so surprised that I did not offer to help her get up but also it reminds me recycle guys so you don't have to knock down so many trees yeah now Dave how do you feel about people who are getting out of their airplane seats well this is just this one guy.

On our flight to Sweden, there was this one guy. We were in the middle. There were four seats in the middle. Like that television show, The Middle. Yeah. I was on an aisle seat. Abby was next to me. There was a guy next to her, and there was a guy on the other aisle.

And the guy next to Abby was from Dorset, England. But he, you know. Go Dorsets. Yeah, he had never even been to Monkey World. And he, when it came time for him to get up and go to the bathroom, he, rather than asking the guy on the aisle seat to, hey, do you mind if I get up and use the bathroom?

He just put his hands on the tops of the seats around him. I already hate this. And then lifted his feet over the guy. You know, like you would in a frat house. Yeah, yeah. In a frat plane. Oh, yuck. Frat plane.

Remember that Snoop Dogg movie? Yeah. And then coming back from the uh the bathroom carrying more booze uh he a dinner had been served he disappeared to the bathroom for a long time uh and the mild drunk club yeah uh and then dinner had been served and the guy now had his tray down uh and so the guy coming back to his seat was like oh guy now had his tray down. And so the guy, coming back to his seat, was like, Oh, you have your tray down.

Don't worry. Don't get up. Don't move your food. Crawls underneath. Oh, gross! There's not much room. That's bad playing etiquette. Yeah.

Dude. So don't get me started on that guy. You know what? I'm not that started about it. It was just fun. You know what? While you were talking, about it. It was just fun. You know what? While you're talking, well, we didn't really talk about it, but the Mile High Club concept, somebody doing something wild in the bathroom.

There is a, I found this out this week, there is a balloon service that will take you up as high as a balloon can go in the atmosphere without you dying of lack of oxygen or freezing to death. And he or she will turn his back exactly and uh let you have sex in the balloon basket ah so uh past guest uh ryan hamilton has a joke about going on a date in a balloon and then there being a third guy there yeah well yeah there's gotta be unless you know a third person. Yeah, going up in a balloon. I guess you want to go pretty high where you're almost running out of oxygen. Would it be funny if you were...

It gets better that way, right? If you were in a balloon and then you were like, let me put on my little balloon when you're putting on a condom. And then it would be extra funny. If Howie Mandel was there And he put a thing over his head It would be funny if you had your scrotum In a little basket

An upside down basket Like it was going The scrotum is the balloon Stop it Next segment No more of this We're gonna play a game It's's called Fake Band, Real Band. You know it's true.

Thanks to Alicia Tobin for that theme song. This is a segment called Fake Band, Real Band. It's a game where Graham researches band names and tries to stump me as to whether they are real bands or fake bands. My favorite time I think that we did this was when we had a famed comedian, Eddie Pepitone on the show and he just could not make heads or tails out of this segment

and it was great. That really sums up that entire episode. He was a very nice man. Oh, he was a great guest. He was a great guest, but he was very flummoxed about the whole thing. And it was great. His flummoxed-ness is probably the greatest. It's probably one of the very flummoxed about the whole thing. And it was great. His flummoxed-ness is probably the greatest. Yeah, it's probably one of the greatest flummoxed-nesses.

He has an album that just came out, A Great Stillness, and I've listened to it, and it is fantastic. So, you know, if you like things that are great. Okay, now here's the thing. I say the name of the band, you try and guess if it's fake or a made-up from a movie, a TV series, a book. Yeah, I know. This is the first name. Bonzo Dog Duda Band. Ah, that's a fake band.

That is a fake band? From the movie Adventures in Babysitting. It is a real band. What? It is a band from the 60s. They were a bunch of art school students that formed a band. They rose to popularity in Britain on ITV's

Do Not Adjust Your Set. Too much information. Yeah. Bonzo Dog Doodah Band. Yeah. That's the name of it. Thumbs down. Okay.

The next band is Mumbling Jim. Back in the 60s, people did not know what to do. Like, they were just... Strawberry Alarm Clock. Yeah, exactly. They were... Is the name important? Years later, we know it is not important.

What was this one? Mumblin' Jim. Mumblin' Jim. I would say it's probably a fake one, but it might be real. You are correct. It is a fake one, and it is not real. It is from a movie called Psych Out. It was a psychedelic movie featuring a young Jack Nicholson playing a character named Stoney.

The character reprised by Pauly Shore in Encino Man. The next one is Mystic Spiral. Mystic Pizza. It's a great movie. Yeah. Starring a young Julia Roberts and her giant hair. Mystic Spiral. Sounds real.

Let's take it. It is fake. It is from the animated television show Daria. Fins and fur. It's from Daria. Right. 90s cynical woman character.

She was the cynical woman counterpoint to a Beavis and Butthead. It was a spin-off of Beavis and Butthead. Was it a spin-off? Yeah. Same guy. Same... She was a character in Beavis and Butthead. That's really funny. She was in their class. That's right. But she was drawn character in Beavis and Butthead. That's really funny. I did not know that. It was in their class. That's right.

But she was drawn differently in her own show. Okay. Yes. Yes. This is the last one. Okay. Thank God. Disco Tex and his sexolettes.

That's great. It's real. It is real. outlets that's great it's real it is real and they had a a big disco song that the only time i've ever heard it was in an episode of the simpsons and the song is good i was like and it was performed by a group called hooray for everything oh on the episode of the simpsons uh wonderful so uh good job yeah I think you did all right. Good for us. Good for music.

Yeah. Good for Stoney. Let's get this over with. I think there's only like four segments left. We're going to do it. We're going to do it. Celebrity crush hat. Crush in the hats.

Celebrity crush hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity crush hat. Chapeau chinois. Celebrity crush hat. Crush hat. Celebrity crush hat. Uh,

probably, uh, I would say reached its! Celebrity Crush at, uh, probably, uh, I would say reached its zenith when a young, uh, Aaron What was it? Aaron Reid? Aaron Reid, oh yeah. Uh, told us about his crush on a ghost, Chris Farley mixed with... Baby Spice? Baby Spice.

And, uh, yeah, I don't know if we can top it, but a segment in which we randomly generate an age. Uh-huh. And we talk about what celebrity we had a crush on at that age. Yes. I've used the same segment generator to generate ages for us. And the random age, I guarantee you we've done this age before when we used to do this segment.

Sure. It's prime celebrity crush age it is the age of 60 oh we both had a license to drive well i was infatuated with a young court yeah i didn't get my license until i was almost 17 like i was maybe 16 i think i'm the same i don't i don't think i uh i don't think i was all that excited but yeah i was like where am i gonna go it's i still am errands yeah yay gas um okay so 16 what did we say before it was alicia silverstone most likely probably yeah uh so i would have been uh about 16 at the time uh this would have been 1997 for me uh maybe 1996 ish for you i graham you're at your birthday i'm a little bit grayer your birthday doesn't uh exist exist yeah you don't tell people what it is uh but this sudden

run thing they were like give us the date of birth and i was like you're not the government why do you need it and they were like that's a good question like you're damn right it is um okay so you know who i think I had a kind of a... And I only say it's a strange crush because I don't think at any other period in my life I had a crush on her. But I definitely remember having a crush on her around that time was Latino actress Rosie Perez. I believe the term is Latina. Oh, it is. For a woman, it's Latina. Latina actor, Rosie Perez.

I think because she was topless in a movie that I saw. White Man Can't Jump? Yeah. And she was having big time sexos with Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson or Wesley Snipes. I never saw the movie.

She was Woody Harrelson's girlfriend. Okay, yeah. And she wanted to be on Jeopardy. Oh, okay. That was the big subplot. You and I watched some Jeopardy with some real nerds today. And a lady with a great Rosie Perez-esque rack. Really brought me back as well.

really brought me back as well uh check your uh tivos for the the jeopardy from from january 10th uh i think the ones that come to mind are alicia silverstone sure uh and uh i i guarantee you we did alicia we didn't do alicia's but uh because we wishes alicia tobin was here and i believe her reaction to uh alicia silverstone was oh there's nothing holding that face together that doesn't make any sense no um let's see i was never really into blossom or six uh but you liked her friend Nine. And I'd probably have mentioned this, but just Liv Tyler from the cover of the Empire Records. Oh, sure. I mean, yeah, we all... Poster.

But I'm thinking of, like, what was an abstract one? Like, your Rosie Perez's. Okay. Juliana Hatfield from the Juliana Hatfield 3? Oh, yeah. That is obscure, but I can see it, right? That sounds like a real something or other. Yeah, she was like a 30-year-old virgin.

She was a singer-songwriter in the 90s, and one of her deals was that she was a virgin. Do you think when she lost her virginity, that was a huge letdown? My guess is yes. Yeah, I think for her, losing her virginity was a big letdown. For everyone else, it was great. I'm going to say to any of our young listeners out there that... Just go for it. Yeah, just because you know what?

Put a balloon on it. Here's what I would say. If you get past the age of 22, you're really setting yourself up for the most disappointing experience in the history of the world. No, it'll be beautiful. Light some candles. You'll be like Felicity. Did Felicity wait? I don't know.

This is weird. This wasn't you that was telling me this. We were talking about Felicity. Well, then it wasn't me. Okay. Have you ever seen the show Felicity? I know it was created by J.J. Abrams. That is correct.

And somebody was telling me that in the last season of Felicity, she became a time traveler. Okay. I believe it. That she goes back like Sam Beckett to the beginning of the series to solve... Does her hair grow back? I think it was straight up like Bride of Frankenstein. She'd make a good Bride of Frankenstein.

Well, that's what I'm here to say. That's what this whole show's been leading up to. I have the rights to Keri Russell. You have the rights to Bride of Frankenstein, the film series. And Screw Magazine. Well, that sounds like a great thing next good night rosie perez wherever you are fan mail was originally a segment we used to only do this segment when my wife

then girlfriend abby always still her own person it's still her always her own person Originally, a segment... We used to only do this segment when my wife, then-girlfriend Abby... Always still her own person. Still always her own person. She used to work at a talent agency, and they would get fan mail for actors. And she would bring some of the fan mail onto the show and read it. But then America's Got Talent put them out of business. Yeah, they put all actors out of business. Because there was too much talent.

Yeah. And so Abby doesn't work there, hasn't worked there in years. So we will just... What are we doing, Graham? I just took a... You know, sometimes, in addition to overheards and drunk dials and the like, sometimes some people just take some time out of their schedule to send us a nice note saying, hey, thanks for the

podcast and here's why I like it and stuff and I just found the most... Do we reply to these? We have. Yeah, I think we have. Not unprecedented. We never reply to overheards, basically. You can't. It's too many. We get a lot of them.

We reply to these sometimes, and I also reply to anyone who asks how you make a podcast. Right, yes. Which I probably shouldn't. Just don't make a podcast. It makes me sad how many podcasts are out there. Don't get me started. Oh, we already hit that segment.

This is from Samir P. On a recent episode, I recall hearing either, uh, an email or an advert, I think this guy's probably from Britain, uh, about a young lady who was running the Philadelphia Marathon and listening to Stop Podcasting Yourself to help her get through training. That reminded me that I never thanked you for doing the same for me. Last year, I ran the Philadelphia Half Marathon with the aid of Stop Podcasting Yourself. I listened to the excellent two-hour Paul F. Tompkins episode, which got me through

11 of the- Philadelphia native, Paul F. Tompkins. Is that where he's originally? Yeah. Yeah, he was born- He was born under the Rocky statue. That's right. In a Wawa.

So it got me through 11 of the 13.1 miles. The last 2.1 miles were tough without you guys. But I made it without stopping to walk. Thank you so much. I don't know if I would have made it without you. And sorry for being so late with my appreciation. No sorry required. What a nice letter.

We always appreciate hearing from the people. The bumpers, as we've called them, all these men, lo these many years, after one mistake on episode one. Yep. Thanks. And if you want to write in to us and just say, hey, what's up? Stop bugging

yourself at gmail.com. We won't necessarily reply, but we'll totally read it. The thing is, we have to log in to a different email. We get them forwarded at gmail.com we won't necessarily reply but we'll totally read it and we'll love it we'd love to reply but like the thing is we have to log into a different email we get them forwarded

to our private email and we don't want you to have those addresses for whatever reason um okay final segment yes we've made it

uh we saw the mountain yeah we don't have we walked up a hill a man and came down a mountain that's not what it is no

it's a the boy the Englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain the boy who walked up a hill and came down a mountain. That's not what it is. No. The Englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain. The boy who walked up a hill and came down a mountain. I think it was an Englishman. The English boy who came up a mountain and went down a Scottish. One more segment left. And that segment is this one. What are you made of?

Can you see with both your eyes? Look in the distance It's easy if you try Watch all the movies And don't waste your time Just give it a line One line Grimm's dead

Ending on a high note! Yeah This is a long time fan favorite One that we do typically only for the live shows. Oh, well, I didn't call your dad. No, no. But we haven't done this segment since Max FunCon? Max FunCon, yeah.

This is a segment. Well, Graham's dad is a man who wrestles him and breaks his sternum. He's a manly man. I don't know about it. And when he watches movies, he only remembers certain details. He only grabs onto certain things about the movies. Usually a scene or two and the star and whatever other movie the star was in. Yes.

An example being The Fugitive. He would say Indiana Jones jumps out of a pipe. Right. Pretty good. Or give it a miss. Give it a miss. Depending on how he feels. These are the two ways you can come out of a pipe. Right. Pretty good. Or give it a miss. Give it a miss. Depending on how he feels. These are his two,

the two ways you can come out of a movie. Pretty good or give it a miss. Right now he's watching The Wire and it's all pretty good. Oh, the TV show? Yeah. Okay. Here are a couple movies from this past year

that he may have seen or that you could maybe explain his review for. Sure, or also I may have seen maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Thor. Oh. He would go,

so Thor is from, he's a god and his dad kicked him out and then he fights a guy in a small town, and gets his hammer back. Pretty good. I literally think that's what it was. Was it really called... It should have been called How Thor Got His Hammer Back.

That should be the subtitle of it. Thor, or How a God Got His Hammer Back. Yeah, your dad didn't explain how he lost his hammer in the first place. Oh, the same way we all do. Routine. Okay. The most recent, I don't remember the title of it, Planet of the Apes movie. I watched that with him over Christmas, and he would most definitely say,

Christmas and he would most definitely say Guy from Harry and the Hendersons and his son and Third Rock from the Sun take in another monkey kind of creature who eventually gets too smart for his own good and

helps you know, helps start the end of the world pretty good, he loved it who didn't love it? It the end of the world. Pretty good. He loved it. He loved it. Who didn't love it? It was one of the best eight movies of the year.

If it was my mom's review, it would be, this is the same as that movie Project Nim that we watched, except at the end they take over. Because that's what she literally said at the end. I think 2012 is going to be the year of graham's mom yeah because that is that's literally how she summed it up this is exactly the same as project name uh i love it we're done yeah let's wrap up the show okay well that's episode 200 for you if you like the show you should uh uh waddle on over to... Why would I say it like that?

You're the one who's in the jogging club. Yeah, go over to... Jog over to... MaximumFun.org. It's a great time at MaximumFun.org because Jesse Thorne has just relaunched The Sound of Young America as The Bullseye. I don't think there's an article.

I think it's just... Oh, it's Bullseye. as the bullseye i don't think there's a an article i think it's just oh it's bullseye flat out bullseye and uh and it's a kind of it's slightly different format but i just listened to it today and it was wonderfully entertaining and um you know over at the blog is where you can or sorry over at maximum fun.org is where you can check out the recap blog. Yeah, what's going to be on it? Probably some pictures of Screw Magazine. At the very least. Maybe a picture of Sweetums from the Muppets. Yep.

I have a feeling that this blog is going to be long. Well, it's got to be. Yeah. You know, to capture... You're definitely going to see that picture of Home Depot going into the guy's butt. You have that picture? Yeah, that's what the guy sent along. It's great. Can't wait.

So check that out at MaximumFun.org. Thank you so much for being with us for 200 episodes. Yeah. And you know what? Thank you for being with us for two plus hours today. Yeah. We really didn't... I don't think we thought we would...

First of all, we didn't think anybody would ever listen to podcasts. Yeah, and there are too many people to. think anybody would ever listen to podcasts. Yeah, not too many people do, but not enough listen to ours. Yeah, but we also, we just never thought that people would listen to this one

and we're really glad to do it each and every week. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for episode 201 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. You put an echo effect on that.