Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 203 - Katie Crown

Episode Date: February 7, 2012

Comedian Katie Crown joins us to talk about abandoned food, oregano oil, and Kideo.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 203 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who doesn't need B12 shots or vitamin D shots or any kind of shot because he runs on all natural energy all the time, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I mean, I think B12 and those are natural energy as well.

But not when you inject them, Not when you speedball them together. That's not natural. Yeah, but I put them between my toes. Not with a... You just put a tablet between your toes? Yeah, a Flintstone vitamin. You just place a vitamin in your foot? Yeah, like...

And just let it absorb it. Well, you know those drying... Those things that ladies use when they get a pedicure? Tampons. You put a... Right? You put a handful of tampons between your toes. I guess that's so your toes don't... You've got to space your toes out

so they don't touch when you're painting them so they can drive carefully and perfectly. Yeah, they would stick together and your toes would be stuck together forever. Forever. And you'd have to weld them apart. Weld them apart. That's not right. But skin works different than metal. When to weld them apart. Weld them apart. That's not right.

But skin works different than metal. When you weld skin it actually breaks it apart. Not Colossus. His skin, metal. Oh, is that true? What, the shadow of Colossus?

Like, Vugi? No, the X-Men character Colossus. Ramses. Colossus. Right. That person who is talking about all things pedicure is our guest. She was recently featured in the 10 Comics to Watch article, would you say, from LA Weekly.

Yeah. And she's a very, very funny lady, originally from out east. Yeah. And now living in Los Angeles Miss Katie Crown hello thank you for having me this is so nice oh sure I've been by myself

all day I went to the art gallery well let's get to know us get to know us you're already in it. We don't even have to ask you a question. You're ready to, what did you see at the art gallery? Oh, man, I went, I saw, well, only the third floor was open because they're doing some

renos. Sure. Every time I go there, I feel like there's only one or two floors open, not four. But I got a discount. Anyway, whatever. It's great. They have like their own collection. I saw some good stuff.

Yeah. Like what? No, I can't think of the guy's name. Well, Emily Carr, of course. They have some of her classic things. We do a lot of that here in BC. What did they say? Emily Carr.

Yeah. See, I'm just naming all the... But then, no, there was Chuck Close. He's this guy that does really amazing portraits. Faces. Yeah. And he's face blind. Yes. It's insane. He's this guy that does really amazing portraits. And he's face blind. Yes.

It's insane. He's what? He doesn't recognize people. Oh, he's got the, it's not called synesthesia, but there's a name. Face blindness. It's not called face blindness, is it? Yeah. I don't believe that.

It's synesthesia that when you're, isn't that? You can see sound. Or you can taste colors. Yeah, yeah, your senses are all mixed up. Synesthesia, when you're, isn't that? You can see sound. Or you can taste colors. Yeah, yeah, your senses are all mixed up. Exactly, yeah, okay. But your senses are mixed up if you can't recognize a face. It's different, though. Yeah, I guess.

But he's not blind. It's not like that cool. He's not touching people's faces to recognize them. No. He just doesn't recognize a face. Yeah. He's like, revolutionized the self-portrait and the portrait.

He has a whole bunch of self-portraits. But he thinks they're of other people because he... He's just like... Who is this handsome devil you keep saying?

I assume this is a face of someone. They're all named handsome devil. Oh, that's dope. Handsome Jack. So, you went to the art gallery. Went to the art gallery, walked around, bought some stationery, and then anyway.

Wait, did you buy the stationery in the art gallery? Yes, I did. I bought a sketchbook, and then. That's a trick. It's a trick. They trick you into thinking you can be an artist. Come to the gift shop. What it made me feel like, yeah, when I was walking around, I'm like, I can do that.

They have materials. Sweet it made me feel like, yeah, when I was walking around, I'm like, I can do that. Oh, they have materials. Sweet. Give me a week. I could have a whole exhibit. Look for me next week, guys, at the Vancouver Art Gallery. I assume I will have a... What would you call your exhibit? Cool.

Oh, wait. Let me think. Cool. Cool time. It's going to be called Just the Basics. Just the Basics. Yeah, you're really stripped down. It's just bare bones we're going with.

Or just like me. Me facts. Just the basics. Me facts. And it will just be me standing in the gallery. People just come up to me and ask me questions and I'll answer it. Why did you buy those materials? Because that's what they say

you should do. I'll have the bag with the receipt and everything in it. Just hold it. I hear that James Franco has expressed interest in this project. That's awesome. I mean, yeah. Yes, and. Yes, and.

Oh, that's awesome. Oh, wait a minute. Could you imagine? My dream. Dream sequence. How long have you been in Vancouver? Just since... You were working on a top secret project. Yeah, I was working on an animated thing.

I did a voice and I was flown up here on Tuesday when I fly back tomorrow. And you were staying in a very fancy hotel. Yeah, they put me up in a room. It was so swanky. I was so impressed. I feel like, yeah. Complimentary robes. Yeah. I'm assuming. All the robes you can eat. Well, I can't keep it. No, but you could wear it. Yeah, and wear it.

Because I wear it. I did. I was so tacky saying that. Yeah, but I love baths are my favorite things in a hotel, so I've been like bathing it up every night. And, uh... Light some candles. Yeah, yeah I love baths are my favorite things in a hotel. So I've been like bathing it up every night. Light some candles. Yeah, no. Champagne, light some champagne on fire.

Did you say put champagne on fire? Yeah. Did you just say? So they're treating you well, whoever this project is. Yeah, really nice hotel. And then, yeah, we finished early the other day. They're treating you well, whoever this project is. Yeah, really nice hotel. And then, yeah, we finished early the other day. And then I've just been walking around.

I met up with a friend yesterday, had a nice dinner at Vij's. Yes, very famous Indian restaurant. Yeah. Have you ever been, Graham? I haven't. Me neither. But the guy that owns that place was supposed to expand into a restaurant in my neighborhood and then all they ever did was put up posters on the outside for uh his uh stuff you can buy in the grocery store yeah and that's it so i'm like he didn't rent out the building just to put ads

on it did he because that's i don't know that's a waste of money seems like uh have you ever been no i haven't it's very fancy yeah i, we didn't realize how fancy it was. We were like, oh, I see. It's fancy, but you also have to line up. You have to line up. But you know, when you're taking care of... We were first kind of like, because they said there'd be a bit of a wait,

but then they bring you food and stuff for free while you're sitting around. They make you all sorts of treats. Now that's a strange thing for a restaurant, right? Like if it was, if you were waiting in line at a bar, they don't bring out, here's some drinks.

Get in the mood. But just like little thimbles of drinks and stuff, like shot glasses of beer and stuff. Just remember how much you like drinking. So what, they really, they brought out snacks? Yeah.

So we were thinking like, man, we should just stick around here and take advantage of as many snacks as possible and get full and leave. Yeah. You could do that. that anyway so that's the thing to do i think how would you feel about yourself if you did that though i feel like i beat the system so proud like i helped because they're clearly trying to get rid of that stuff no maybe it's just old stuff no no i would you think that like they were using you like a duck in a park to get rid of a loaf of bread. Like, they're so cute.

Like a duck in a park. Yeah, eat these week old. Yeah, they would have just taken those to the park after, or the aquarium probably, feed them to the dolphins if they didn't feed it to us. Yeah, because dolphins... Dolphins eat anything. Yeah, they're like a non-bred. They're like the raccoons of the sea, aren't they? Yeah, that's how often they are referred to.

Although killer whales have the similar color. Oh, yeah, killer whales. The eyes with the patches. Yeah, okay. So they're the raccoons of the sea, making dolphins the tune of the sea. You never think you'd say the raccoons of the sea. Chicken of the sea.

And then, yeah, what are the raccoons of the sea. Chicken of the sea. And then, yeah, what are the raccoons of the sky? Oh, raccoons of the sky. Buzzards? Maybe even pigeons. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. We should make a book for urban outfitters.

Yeah. The raccoons of the blank. Raccoons of the closet. This old shirt. I'm sorry. No, this is great. This is all good stuff. This is all good stuff.

I was afraid we were getting so much good stuff before we turned on the microphones. I know. I was like, this fountain can't run forever. It can. It can run forever. What were we talking about before even? Oh, yeah. Poo.

We were talking about, can we poo in the toilet? That was our goal before I started. Yeah, too bad. Yeah, it's a shame. It's a shame. I'm glad we remembered, though. Yeah, I'm glad we could share that. So you've been living in Los Angeles for a year. Yes.

And it's great. Yeah, I like it a lot now. I didn't like it at first. How come? But I like it. Because I found an intimidating city and I didn't like driving. I was new to driving. Ah.

And like my first night when I was by myself there. Sleeping in a car. I just got there. Yeah, sleeping in a car. Five dollars in your pocket. And I was like. Like Jewel. And then Quincy Jones came up and he was like, I like that tune you're humming in your sleep.

And I said, this one? And he's like, that's it, that's it. up and he was like, I like that tune you're humming in your sleep. And I said, this one? And he's like, that's it, that's it, let's lay it down. And he opens his jacket and there's a whole sound thing in his jacket. Anyway. Anyway, so I, the first night by myself, I was like, oh, we'll drive out and see a show. And I wasn't used to driving around, especially at night too. I don't like driving. Anyway, and I drove up to the UCB and I didn't know that you could get valet parking there and it was really busy it was like a friday

and so traffic was nuts and i there's nowhere to park and i got so freaked out that i just like drove there drove around no parking okay and then just drove home and you were a scientist anyway and then uh now it's different you figured it out figured it out yeah yeah yeah uh now you're one of the top oh wait just you said not top 10 yeah that's amazing yeah that was such a surprise man it was so nice actually it came at a great time because i was in new york at the time uh visiting a friend after new year's and uh and then i was like oh man i want to go back to la it's so much fun like so much more fun in New York there's so much more to do and

well I just it's things are more accessible I don't know there's more pretzels more pretzels in New York and more stand up shows they do too

ah yes so that was like because you do sketch you do stand up you do improv yeah mostly yeah just stand up now and I haven't done sketch

and yeah lots of magic do some origami and I yeah and I teach yoga and you have that raccoon book. Yes. Oh, man.

Kenya, I'm excited. Raccoons of your closet. Bill Keen died, right? Today? No, but he's passed away. In general, he's dead? I think he is, isn't he? Yeah, Keen died.

So I don't know who's going to illustrate the book. Billy. Yeah. Yeah, Billy. He always stood in for him. Oh, right. That's right. He would draw them all crazy, like with crayon. Yeah. Yeah, Billy. He always stood in for him. Oh, right. That's right. He would draw them all crazy, like with crayon.

Yeah. Yeah. Left-handed crayon. And it was always a map. No, that was when Billy was just running around, and they were like, hey, where were you? And he was like, I came straight home, and I chose him going into some stranger's house or whatever. Stealing their stuff.

That's like now when his wife asks him where he was the night before he draws their map. Oh, that's got to be a thing that happened once on the internet. Billy is a grown-up. A blander. Where were you last night?

It's not making out. Sociopath. Roughing up a homeless guy. Stapling a cat to a wall. Injecting B12. Yeah. Eating a bucket of chicken on a bench. That seems like a real scumbag thing to do in my book.

You just sat on a public bench and just ate a bucket of chicken? Oh, man, that would be the worst to see and to do. In New York, once I was on the subway and this family got on and had two big buckets of KFC and by the time they left the train, there was just like

remnants of chicken scattered all over the place. But then the best part was a girl got up and she's like, oh my God, I love taking pictures of abandoned food.

And she started snapping away on her phone. I was like, what's happening? It was a very symbiotic relationship between this girl and that family. I,

maybe that was a family reunion you were witnessing. I think it was. We'll all meet on the train. They won a trophy. What? Yeah. No.

They did. They're old. I think it was like from a game. I mean, obviously. You think they won the chicken? They won the family reunion. Oh,

yeah. Like they, what do you think they had to do? What horrible thing did they won the chicken? They won the family reunion. Oh, yeah. What do you think they had to do? What horrible thing did they have to do? Win a bucket of chicken? Oh, man. That's some good stuff. Pay some money.

I mean, congratulations on all. There's like thousands and thousands of comedians in Los Angeles. And you're in the ten that everybody's watching. Ten of the noobs, I'd say. No, it never says that in the article. I know, but that is like, because it's like, you haven't heard of these guys yet. Like, it's one of those things, you know. We get a lot of that, right?

Oh, yeah. Every year, Vancouver, there's the, you know, someone who's, I mean, like, no one really in the Vancouver scene is famous outside of the stand-up scene that's right yeah like uh yeah so like every year there's an article in the georgia straight of like fresh faces but like it could be anyone yeah it could be the same people they did last year no one remembers i hope you're on a street fresh faces next year i think i'm gonna yeah we're gonna you don't live here we're gonna submit you yeah yeah because somebody will say i think i saw her

at the art gallery i think she lives here yeah that's like oh saw our exhibit please say that oh my website um oh man kids and mobsters neighbors neighbors. Oh, is that what they're? Yeah. They're heavy-boned children. They're very stampy. They have a big bone sticking out of their leg that hits the ground. Yeah, they have an exoskeleton. Yeah. They're universal soldier children. Oh, yeah. Those are annoying.

What's going on with you, Dave? What's new? Since the last episode I have just Pardon me Basically been sick You really sold it there Sorry I laughed right away Well it's gross

And Yeah so I've been sick And every time I get sick Usually when I'm sick I can sort of Maybe Maybe I miss a day of work. Sure. But it's sort of.

That's the right thing to do. Yeah, it's just so I don't infect others. But this time I literally, like, couldn't stay awake. Wow. And it hit me really hard. And I felt it coming the day before. And every time I get sick, I spend so much money on, like, medicine for the day, medicine for the night,

different types of juices. And this time I really went overboard, and I tried a bunch of new things, and I had heard a lot of really good stuff about oregano oil. I was actually going to say, I was going to say, have you tried it? I tried it for the first time this time, and it was fine. I mean, I don't think it really did anything. It tastes like oregano. It tastes like oregano.

So that's fine. You feel the rest of the day, you're like, is that pizza? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's me. And then you're sort of sad because you're like, oh. I'm hungry. Wait a minute, I'm hungry. I have pizza burps,

but I didn't eat any pizza. Uh, so yeah, that was basically my week of basic. That's how models stay so thin. They give them oregano oil. It's like, I guess I must've eaten. Yeah.

Instead of a pizza, just take this oregano oil. Make your body think you ate a pizza. Yeah. If anything, you have a good flavor. That would be a good strategy for like anyone on a diet. A weight loss program? Yeah.

What's your favorite food? Shrimp ring. That's what dentists... You know when your dentist gives you... Is that you yelling your favorite food? No, I was just thinking of a flavor they could do. Sorry. You know when your dentist gives you fluoride and he gives

you a few different flavors to choose from? You should do that as like a weight loss part of your plan. Like toothpaste? Like food flavored toothpaste you mean? I mean like go to the dentist every day and when he says what flavor do you want, say

oregano oil flavored. Not pizza flavored. I want the... Anyway. The extra. Yeah. So yeah, oregano oil.

I don't really recommend it. What else have you tried? Echinacea? No. I'm not a weirdo. Let's see. Ginger is good. What about some ginger ale? some sort of music therapy?

Have you done anything like that? Yeah, I've had some Mr. Holland's Opus. Oil of Mr. Holland. Yeah, some healing touch. When you put it on, it's just like it's his fork. It's just the soundtrack on your body. You wipe your body with this thing. You wipe it on. Oh, you're wearing Mr. Holland's oil Is somebody in here wearing Mr. Holland's oil?

I am, I'm sick The way you apply it It doesn't come in a bottle It's just Richard Dreyfuss comes over Takes his shirt off and gives you a big hug I hope you feel better Oh I hope you feel better. Oh, I hope you feel better.

And you can have him spoon you for the night. You're really sick. It's a very expensive treatment. But he whines at you the whole night. Oh, I'm getting better. We're going to need a bigger boat. Does he say that? I don't know.

Someone does. He knows the reference. It might have been the shark. Was it the shark? You guys need a bigger boat. Does he say that? Someone does. He knows the reference. It might have been the shark. Was it the shark? You guys need a bigger boat. Guys, get a bigger boat. I'm really big. I'm not numb. Yeah, but Abby on the drive over with Graham, Abby has since gotten sick. My darling wife. I bet you that she got it from you.

Oh yeah, absolutely. From all your French kissing. I French kissed Richard Dreyfuss, who in turn French kissed her. Kiss me, I'll help you. He sounds like a sprite in the forest. A trickster. Like when you make a face or something and you imagine that your face looks like that thing. Do you know what I mean?

You're trying to make Richard Rasmussen's face. Yeah, I feel like I must sound like Mr. Richard Rasmussen. Anyway, sorry, I interrupted. Abby was talking about how sick she's been and all the, like, she stayed home from school and watched all these, you know, watched an entire season of Luther. Sure. I didn't get to do anything fun because I was so sick. You didn't even get to watch any movies?

I watched an episode of Downton Abbey, and then I fell asleep during another episode of it, and then the day was over. Wow. Never seen Downton Abbey. I've only seen three episodes so far. Let's watch it later. Is it really... It's just really British-y, right? Scary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scary show. It's scary. It's about a haunted abbey. I like this. Yeah, haunted by... Ooh, Lestad. Lestad.

Yeah. Who I think is a vampire from... Yeah, Antonio Banderas. Wait, did he play... No, no, that was... What's his name? Zorro. Thomas Cruise.

No. Did Antonio Banderas ever play a vampire? He was in Interview with a Vampire, yeah. Okay. Antonio Banderas was? Yes. Really? That guy's got range.

Yeah, he does. He was a desperado. He was a draculado. He was a Zorro. Was he Zorro? He was Zorro. All those characters require a whispery... Anthony Hopkins also played Zorro.

He played the older Zorro. Oh, yeah. That was handing down the Zorro franchise. Oh, was that what it was? Yeah, that's what that movie was. He gave it to him and then he had to pass it to him. Yeah, he was like this older British man who lives in Mexico. I'm quite done.

Did he do an accent? Yes. And he had a pencil-thin mustache. Zorro. Yeah. I don't know why they thought that they couldn't find somebody, you know, not white and British to play that role. Yeah. I think if you want the gravitas of Zorro Sr., you're going to want to get a Brit.

Yeah. Edward James almost turned it down. But British is kind of the chameleon of other... It kind of can play any... Any culture. Yeah. You put a British person, you can believe that they're anything.

I feel. Yeah. It's true. It's true. If there's a British person in charge of the Russian army, you're like, that makes sense. Oh, yeah.

No, no. This place. You saw Enemy at the Gates, right? No. Is that? I think Jude Law is a Russian sniper. But he's British. He's British.

He talks like this. Oh, God. Oh, show. Oh, no. I think Bob Hoskins is in there, and he also has, no, he has a Russian accent. He's like Khrushchev Jr. Bob Hoskins plays K there, and he also has... No, he has a Russian accent. He's like Khrushchev Jr. Bob Hoskins plays Khrushchev? Yeah, because Khrushchev was just a general back then.

Anyway. Bob Hoskins plays the younger version of Khrushchev in this movie? Yeah. Who plays the older version? Anthony Hopkins. It doesn't take place over 30 years. I clearly haven't seen this film. J. Edgar.

Does J. Edgar take place over... Anyway, so I'm sort of sick. I'm getting over it. But you know what? Together we can get over anything. That's right. If you put your mind to it. Yeah, so my week was pretty boring.

But I understand that you, Graham, had a fun show last night. No, that's not true. That's half truth. I'm intrigued. This was a real build-up to this moment. Was it? Yeah, I wanted to hear about this show since I'm here. I played a gig last night in Victoria, British Columbia for a guy's birthday that I had never met,

but he had seen me at shows and asked would I, like, do a stand-up set. But we must never meet. We can never meet. We will only correspond via letters. And so I went and I played this party. It was, like, at a lounge downtown and in Victoria and like he plays in a cover band so they played

a set and then I did comedy oh were they just they weren't a tribute act were they? no no no they just played a bunch of different covers it wasn't one specific band yeah no just hits they were covering all the hits they weren't all star the smash mouth experience and uh so i started doing this set and then i started

getting heckled by this woman and i don't i don't know anybody in the room before before you sorry i i apologize for interrupting it probably the worst time. Oh, go ahead. Why did you do this show? Oh, for money. How did the guy find you? He had seen me do a show at a club. But the idea of doing someone's birthday show sounds like a nightmare?

You had to know going in that it was a nightmare. It was going to be weird and the guy whose birthday it was was awesome of course most of his friends seemed really cool and then I knew it was going to be weird before you went up

they played a set and then they said okay guys no there was a comedian that hosted the whole night okay so he did a set and then the band played a set and then i went up and then the band went back up after me and then they drank until whatever i don't know i left yeah uh but i started getting heckled by a woman and i was like well i don't this woman could be the guy's wife or whatever, or his

sister. I have no idea. So I had to be really nice. But she kept, she started growling. She started going like, rawr, in the middle of jokes, ruining jokes. She was aroused. She said, after one of my jokes, she said, you're mean. That was her thing.

You're mean. And I was like, I don't was like and it was not a mean joke just a dumb joke it was a wish she had i wish that you were mean she spoke aloud so she started and then at one point she was hissing she hissed which i've never had that ever happen in an audience was someone next to her saying uh what does a lion say? What does a snake say? Yeah, she was doing that thing that you pull the cord on and it does a... Yeah, the cat

goes, yes, no. Oh, yes, I guess she did. Yeah, you're right. Oh, I got it. Anyway, it is fun. I can understand why she did that. Yeah, it is. Yeah, exactly. So we all were having a great time. I realized partway through this whole transaction that nobody in the room seemed to know who she was. And her name was Milo.

And I said, that's made up because that's not a woman's name. It's a name of a dog from Milo. Yeah, that's all I could think of. And was Milo the dog or the cat? I think it was the cat. All right. It was one of them. Anyways.

Doesn't matter. I realized then at kind of near the end of the set, it was revealed that she didn't know anybody in the room and she had just showed up. Nobody knew who she was. She had just shown up at the party, gotten smashed, and then decided to try and ruin the show.

And almost succeeded or succeeded? No, I think I did okay. She was escorted out by the management. So that was pretty cool. I've never had that done before. Where I was like, can somebody just get her out of here? Because nobody wants her here. And everybody's like, yay!

And then the manager came over and kicked her out so that was pretty great yeah you saved the day um yeah maybe who knows what kind of horrible things would have happened had i not uh yeah you're a hero yeah i'm like uh sam beckett i kind of quantum leapt into that situation fixed it left out and here's a weird thing this is the weird thing that happened over the course of the the traveling over there and coming back was i was on the ferry and we went through a thing of fog like so that you couldn't see anything ah shutter island it was like going it was so creepy and then when i got back on the bus on the ferry there was an old guy that looked like me from the future he was wearing the

same outfit i was wearing he was wearing like the same type of jacket i was wearing but he was carrying a motorcycle helmet that was like a stars and stripes motorcycle helmet but he was on the bus so what's that guy's story it was upside down and it was full of candy. He had a staff and one of those hourglasses. And he's father time. Yeah. So did I go through a time portal and future me got on the bus with present me, which to him was past me. But future you is a patriotic motorcycle motorcyclist who's had his license revoked. He was wearing, I was wearing steel-toed boots,

and he was wearing steel-toed boots, and we were dressed the same, and he had a big scraggly beard. He was balder than I am, but, like, only by a couple inches north. Like, it looked like me. You know, I didn't really, like, if... Don't flatter yourself.

No, no, like, I mean, he looked rough. Did you guys make eye contact? No, I saw him, and then I got really freaked out because... Because you're not supposed to meet your friends. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to tear a little bit of the space time continuum. But it was the helmet that really threw me off. I don't understand. Because that's all he had with him, was this helmet.

Maybe his bike broke down, and he had to get on the alternate train. Yeah, I guess, eh? Do I ride a motorcycle? No, you shouldn't know what happens to you in the future. I don't know, well, maybe he was there

as a messenger and he was looking for you. He was like, oh, I thought he was going to be here. Wouldn't he recognize me, though? From a photo he keeps in his breath pocket?

He's feeling nauseous. Maybe he's had motion sickness from all the time window movement. Oh, time window movement. Wait, time window movement? Time window movement. I think this all works out. Jumping from all the time window movement. Oh, time window movement. Wait, time window movement? Time window movement. I think this all works out. Jumping through all the time windows, getting nauseous.

And he's like, oh, I know I've got to keep an eye out, but maybe he'll see me. Yeah. I'm just trying not to puke on this buzz right now. That's why I brought this helmet. Yeah, exactly. That's why I had the helmet. Because he's got to puke. To puke into?

Yeah. Yeah. He looked around his house. Yeah. That's all he had. I need to grab something. But he hates the United States, and that's why. I can't barf on their flag.

I mean, that would still get everywhere. You know what? I don't have a bucket, but I do have a helmet. I have one. I don't know why he had one lying around. So I got a drunk heckler kicked out of a show, and I met my future self after going through a time fog. Oh, my gosh.

In Easy Rider, does one of them have a Stars and Stripes helmet? Yeah. Does Hopper have that? I know he has a Stars and Stripes gas tank. Oh, maybe that's what it is. I know Jack Nicholson wears a... You can have my water. No, I need it. water No I need it No I need it

Yeah so that's what That's what happened So future me if you're listening Sorry that we didn't meet When you were supposed to give me Whatever message About the future and how awesome my motorcycle is Or was maybe he crashed it

Maybe that's what he was coming to tell me. Don't crash your motorcycle, dude. Don't buy it. Spend your money on something else. Yeah, like what? I don't know. Oh, now that's going to bother me. I don't know, a Vespa?

Oh yeah, what should you spend your money on? Instead of a motorcycle? Yeah. Oh, I'm going to buy a share of Facebook now that it's a public offering. Yeah, that's true. I will buy one share of Facebook, and that'll be my... Maybe that's what he's telling me to do.

Don't come... Buy the stock. But he looked pretty shabbily dressed, so I didn't buy the stock. Yeah. I don't understand time travel most of the time. You're not supposed to. Listen to you.

Like, if you could go back a few years and meet yourself, what would you tell them? Like, ten years. That's what they ask in therapy, man. They're like, talk to your younger self. They do. Oh, really? Yeah, they're like, if you could talk to your younger self. Is that right?

Yes. Have you done therapy? Yes. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know. I feel like that's... I haven't done therapy yet. Yeah, I feel like that's something that some people are super open about and some people,

you know, just it's not even a consideration or like people would never do. I've never been in therapy, but I'm fascinated with it. I never thought I would do therapy. Oh, no. I have nothing more to say. It is fascinating. Yeah. I agree with that.

I was like, well, one of the perks is I am covered for it. So it was like, oh, okay, well, that's good. And then. You're talking about massage therapy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you say to your younger self? I'd say, ooh, rub a little lower left there. Yeah, I don't know.

I never thought I'd be a person who would go to therapy. And also, when I went, it took a long time for me. Actually, I was very cynical the first seven sessions at least. Sometimes I still am. And I wonder, I guess it's good for me but i i i like you know judge this person who's like oh this person's a therapist and then i know then you know uh it's just uh yeah i don't know i i was really cynical and i didn't think that it would give me any clarity or self-awareness or something. I didn't think it would help me.

And then after a few times going, and then all of a sudden, like, you have little things called breakthroughs. Oh, sure. And it's very exciting. And then I was like, oh, I get it now. How did that happen? I don't know, but I guess I should just keep coming. It is very interesting when those things happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm all, like... To be vague. Yeah. I know I'm being very vague. It seems very, like, growing up, it seemed like a very Woody Allen movie sort of thing. Or, like, it's something only TV and movie characters do. And it's so cliche when they're, like, when she's, like, sorry to interrupt, but she's, like, you know, like, tell me about, you know, talk about your father or something. And I'm like, what?

Oh, my God, so cliche. Like, this is stupid. Really? You want me to talk about my dad? Like. She's like, what do you care? Stop saying things in that voice, is what she said. Knock it off with that voice.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you circle around it a few times? Like, you go through, like, oh, you want me to talk about this? But then I'm going to say this. But what you want me to say is this. But what I want to say is what? But maybe I'm avoiding saying that because I really feel like this. That's how time travel works.

And that's time travel. You just explained time travel without even realizing it. God, you guys. Somebody had a breakthrough. His name is Dave Shumka. Congratulations. Namaste.

That's why. That's why. That's why we're here today. Oh, wow. Now I know what I would tell my younger self. Hey, buddy. But it's good.

It's funny, too, because I always felt when I... Now I'm like really in this session. Anyway, when I started going... You're covered, just so you know. Yeah, yeah. This is all covered. This is good. Good, good.

Oh, hip covers. Podcast therapy. Very rare. Very ineffective. I didn't... But it was weird because it felt very formal. It's like I didn't. But it was weird because it felt very formal. It's like I couldn't understand it.

I could just talk to this person just like, you know, very candidly. It felt almost like a job interview. Like I felt like I had to be polite. Of course you had to be civil and stuff. But I was like, I was being very polite. And like, you know, I'm talking to someone who is an authority figure. And like, I don't know. It just felt weird that I was supposed to have like a relationship with this person and talk about personal things. But it was like, I don't even know who this person is.

Why should I have to say? Anyway. That's cool. But it's helping. It's good. Yeah, it's fun. I like it. It's a force of good.

Yeah, it is. Would you do it? Yeah, I don't know. Probably. I don't do anything. Running is the only thing I'm doing right now that's in any way remotely good for me. There's a lot of room to

invest in self-care as I do zero currently. The only thing I'm doing that's good for me is eating pizza oil. You're supposed to just get some oil.

The oil underneath the pizza. Or no, the stuff that you dab off the top. Yeah, you're supposed to keep that. Yeah, that's oregano oil. Gift from the gods. Harvest it. That's harvesting. Yeah. You see people with their little vials and then they're patting all the pizzas and then squeezing

it into their vials and then you seeting all the pizzas and then squeezing it into their vials. And then you see them on the shelves next week. Yep. Oh. That dog sound means it's time for Overheard. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes.

You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of beers in the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. Well, that song, of course, means that it's not time for overheards. It's time to handle a little bit of business. We'll get to overheards in just a second. Yeah, that was my bad.

I'm sorry. Graham, you know what? I'm sorry, world. You're just too hard on yourself. This week, we have a sponsor. And that sponsor is ChainClocks.com. I was like, for real, when I saw that we were getting sponsored by this guy who makes these clocks, I was really authentically like, I've seen this thing before. This existed in my mind before it became a sponsor,

and I can't believe that now we're somehow connected to the guy that makes these amazing clocks well it's a mechanical engineer who designs and builds these distinctive chain driven clocks that yeah they're like gears and uh there's like a chain that has like a bike chain like a bike chain that has all the numbers they're made out of metal and they're on the chain. All the numbers? All the 12s that you need to make time happen. All the numbers.

Yeah. What about like Pi? Yeah, Pi's on there. Really? Pi's on. Name a number, name a number. It's on there. But the gears turn and that brings up the chain,

and that's how you can tell what time it is. They're awesome. I've never seen anything like them, and I'm stoked. I was just saying before we did the ad, I would maybe buy one. And then you said, well, that will wipe out whatever you made from the sponsorship. I don't care. I get a clock. I get one clock.

And if you listen, well, you should check them out. Go to chainclocks.com and check them out. You can buy them there. And if you want to buy one, as a Stop Podcasting Yourself listener, you get a 20% discount by using the coupon code

SPY when you check out. Damn striz. So yeah, do that. Graham will probably get one. Yeah, then you can come over to my house and look at it and go, wow, chain clock. Be like Graham, get a clock. Yeah, be cool like me, kids. Be the coolest kid on the planet.

Get a tattooed ear. Sorry. What did you say? I was just like, you're cool because you get a chain clock and then you get a tattoo of it on your ear. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, you got one too. because you get a chain clock and then you get a tattoo of it on your... Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, you got one too. Then you become a chain clock guy. It's like the...

Becoming a greaser. And let me just say, ladies love it. Ladies do it. It's the male equivalent of the women who get like a vintage sewing machine tattoo on their thigh. Yes, yeah. Women who get a vintage sewing machine tattoo on their thigh. Yes, yeah. If you would like to advertise on the show, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

It's $100 for a personal message, $200 for a commercial message. Yeah, if you're the man and you want us to advertise your business. Yeah, man. Big brother. All right, let's get to overheards after this quick message. Hi, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. We're three brothers.

It's not a coincidence. We have a show. It's called My Brother, My Brother Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. Sometimes we also take questions from the Yahoo answer service. Hey, guys, how many push-ups does it take to look like a werewolf? That's a fine question, Griffin. We'll answer that one and so much more, including questions from readers about love and navigating the waters of society.

Subscribe on iTunes or get it online at MaximumFun.org. We're brothers. We're experts. And we're sorry. Overheard. Overheards, a segment in which you overhear things in your everyday life. Maybe you're at the store. Maybe you're at a treadmill.

You're at a Quiznos. Yeah, you just had a Quiznos. You're getting on the treadmill. Yeah, you're taking a treadmill to the Quiznos. All these things are options. Before we do Overheards, it's time for you're getting on the treadmill. Yeah, you're taking a treadmill to the Quiznos. Yeah, all these things are options. Before we do overheards, it's time for my favorite segment on the show, a segment called Celebrity Birthdays. Before we do Celebrity Birthdays, it's time for my favorite segment that I've just started doing the show the last couple weeks, Hulk Hogan Facts.

Hulk Hogan News. Yeah, that's right, Hulk Hogan News. And the latest in Hulk Hogan News is that he did an interview where he told the reporter about he has a battery-operated device in his spine that basically just creates electric pulses to relieve his back pain. And the side effect of it is, quote him, that it makes his nipples and wiener stand up. And they're the exact same size? Yeah. Can't tell them apart. His nipples and his dick look the same.

This thing makes my nipples and my dick look the same. His exact word was wiener? Yes, wiener. Oh, I love that he used the word wiener. Yeah. And I am also, I'm, I was going to say. He said wiener? Yes, wiener. Oh, I love it. He used the word wiener. Yeah. And I am also, I'm, I was going to say. He said wiener, brother. I'm also picturing, and yes, I am picturing.

Yeah. That it doesn't, you know, give him an erection. It just makes it stand up. Like sort of. Like levitation? Yeah. Like it's very soft. Like a magnet. Like it's polar it stand up. Like sort of... Like levitation? Yeah. Like it's very soft. Like a magnet.

Like polarity. Yeah. Like it's just the tops moving. Yeah. Like there's an invisible string on it. Yeah, like the hair, like when you get goosebumps, the hair sticks up on your arms.

He's got a goose wiener. He's got a goose wiener. Can that happen in guys? Like, can that happen? where it just stands up when there's no yep it just

yeah I mean with those no if it happened to Hulk Hogan I mean he is like an everyman well he's a real American damn it

celebrity birthdays today oh we got some big ones oh yeah breasts I'm talking about happy celebrity birthday to Celebrity birthdays today. Oh, we got some big ones. Oh, yeah. Breasts. Happy celebrity birthday to Bruce Willis' daughter Tallulah Bell. She's 18 years old today. 18 years young, I'd say. Oh, we're recording this, by the way, on Friday, February 3rd.

It's Groundhog Day Boxing Day. Yeah. All the deals. Yeah. Return your groundhog. 30% off gum. 30% off gum? What a deal.

Yeah. Just nationwide. The star of Willow, Warwick Davis, is 42 today. Only 42. That's crazy. Yeah, I thought I was older. Because he's been in... He was in Star Wars, right?

He can get in a lot of things. He's super tiny. He was in Leprechaun. He was in Harry Potter. Oh, I don't know. He was in... He's in that Ricky Gervais thing that looks really mean. Yeah, he's been in all the Leprechauns.

Leprechaun 2, Back to the Hood, I think it was called. Anyways. Maura Tierney of news radio and ER fame. I used to have a big crush on her. Is 47 today. Wow. Morgan Fairchild, that's the ticket, is 62 today. I thought she was dead. She's 62, dead and loving it.

And the answer to this week's celebrity birthday trivia question. This man is the funniest guy in the world. If you're Rosie O'Donnell. Nathan Lane is 56 today. I was really trying to track it in my head, like, where is this going? Sometimes I come up with an inkling of what the trivia question is going to be, but I didn't even know which one I was going to make the trivia question about. Oh, man. Happy birthday, Nate.

Yeah. Here's to many more. Kuna Matata. Guys, he was the guy I was playing a show for last night. It was Nathan Blaine. It was his birthday. It was his cover band. He's in a cover band!

Is it show tunes? Yeah, all show tunes. A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. Hair. Now. Yep. Hair. Other musicals. This is another musical. Sorry. Okay. uh now yep okay anyway i just wanted to let you know i'm nathan lane i'm in a mandy patinkin cover band oh my god okay anyway i i've seen mandy patinkin live and uh at matthew all and he sings cats in the cradle and it's like he he acts it. He acted it out when he sang it.

Yeah, he's shameless. When you're coming home, son, I don't know when. What? We'll get together then. You know, we'll have a good time. No. And the cats in the cradle. Yeah, it was so powerful.

That's his therapy session. Yes, that's what I mean, man. That's what therapy is. That's the roundabout way I was trying to tell you. I have tickets to Mandy Padinko. Can you please come with me? I don't want to go by myself. Now, overheards.

Things you've overheard in life. We always like to start with the guest. Is that fine? Yeah, that's fine. All right. Because you came prepared. Yeah, I wrote down. I was trying to remember.

After you told me I need to do that, and I was racking my brain. And then I remembered a whole bunch of stuff but the number one thing that I enjoyed the most, well it's a bit disturbing it's the most interesting one I guess this is the most interesting when I was living in Bed-Stuy a couple summers ago

there was a little Chinese restaurant that I would go to and get fried rice or whatever whatever fair it was a very small place A little Chinese restaurant that I would go to and get fried rice or whatever. Whatever, fair. It was a very small little place that had bulletproof glass at the window where you'd order stuff. And side note, it was just a good picture of it. Anyway, so I ordered my stuff and I sat down and I'm waiting for my food. And then this kid walks in.

He's like 12 or 13, really young, prepubescent kid. He walks in, he's on his cell phone and he's like, yo man, I'm gonna have me some sex tonight and then he proceeded to order an egg roll and then ask for ketchup with it I thought the sex part disturbed me a bit

and I was like, oh I'm mostly disturbed by the kids with cell phones. I'm kind of disturbed about the ketchup thing. So we're all different levels of disturbing. Yeah, different types of disturbing. Different flavors, different. Yeah, I remember when I was like a prepubescent kid,

which, by the way, how can you know for sure? Wow, I would never even, like, say I was gonna have sex. In, like, a way, like, that I'm trying to, that anyone would believe me. Maybe he was trying it out. Yeah, he maybe read The Secret, and he was just, man, first thing, I'm gonna have some sex tonight.

But I wonder, I also wonder if he was actually on, like, he had the phone up to his ear, but then he just, like, closed it right away. So I wonder if he was playing around and, like, he had the phone up to his ear, but then he just, like, closed it right away. So I wonder if he was playing around and like, ha ha ha, just kidding. Maybe if I plant the suggestion with this lady eating her fried rice, maybe she will have the sex. I was like, oh my. I couldn't help but hear.

Yeah. Do you have a second for that sex you're having? Or is this a one person only kind of thing? No, I don't know. I don't really know what I'm talking about okay okay

excuse me ketchup egg roll I just want to shoot a quick question your way because I'm down for whatever yeah I didn't talk to him

oh what you didn't I didn't say anything to him I felt intimidated I was like that guy's gonna have sex this guy sounds experienced to me! I probably won't know what I'm talking about.

I also remember the word experienced being in high school. She's really experienced. She's listening to Are You Experienced? She has that tape. She borrowed it from her brother. Dave, do you have an overheard?

Here's one. The other day, it was a cold day, and there was a homeless guy standing outside the liquor store. And I was walking past, and the homeless guy was just sort of bouncing around trying to keep warm. And I guess a guy walked up to him, not knowing that he was a homeless guy was just sort of bouncing around trying to keep warm. And I guess a guy walked up to him not knowing that he was a homeless guy. He was just sort of fascinated at this guy just standing around bounding in his place. And he said, hey, what are you doing?

And the guy said, I'm asking for money. And the guy went, oh. Oh, no! Do you think it was an old friend of his that was like, hey, what are you doing now? Yeah, he thought he recognized him. He was like, oh, shit, it was too late. That is an awkward thing to get out of.

Harrison! So it was just like, oh, and he walked away. Like, hey, what are you doing? Oh, yeah, ooh. I was hoping it was something else. Yeah, I thought it was cal like, oh, and he walked away. Like, hey, what are you doing? Oh. Yeah. Oh, no. I was hoping it was something else. Yeah, I thought it was like calisthenics or... Did you hear the president of Ukraine talking about how the people could cope with the freezing weather? That's like, apparently a lot of homeless people have died because of this cold snap that they're not used to in Europe. And this is, for real, the president's suggestion was,

everybody should run eight miles a day and take cold baths year-round so they're used to the freezing temperatures. Makes sense. Eight miles a day year-round? Yes. Okay. And also take a freezing cold bath every day. Eight miles a day.

Even the homeless? Particularly. But just everybody should get used to miserable conditions by conditioning yourself to keep your circulation up but also have a freezing cold bath

so you're used to a cold where can homeless people take a bath ever well that it's not all of it is bad advice is what I'm saying start cutting yourself

get like used to pain have a small pin that you just start stabbing in your arm stupid Ukrainian get used to it Graham yeah to pain, have a small pin that you just start stabbing into your arm. Stupid Ukrainians. Get used to it.

Graham, what about you? I was on the train and there were two very tough looking young ladies got on the train. Maybe 19 years old at the eldest but looked maybe like 45, like really had, you know, some years on them.

They were experienced. They were experienced, in other words. And they were talking about a third girl that wasn't President's boyfriend. And I was trying to piece together. I was like, what are they? It's weird because they keep using these like weird kind of code phrases and whatever and then she says he's a real creep uh you know cherelle or whatever her name was uh met what happened to regular names like daisy right uh uh she said oh she she met him uh when she was leaving Juvie. He was one of those

guys that stood outside the gates. And I was like, these are women prisoners that are talking about their friend that they disapprove of the relationship because he was a guy who picked her up on her release day. And then the other girl said, yeah, you know what? That's why

I'm tired of being a nice girl. I was like, whoa. Good girl gone bad, Rihanna. said, yeah, you know what? That's why I'm tired of being a nice girl. I was like, whoa. Yeah. Wow. Good girl gone bad. Rihanna. Yeah, yeah. What?

You can do that? I'd like to hang out with those. You can hang outside juvie and just pick up underage chicks. Love happens in mysterious places. That's right, yeah. Yeah, that's true. You can't control love. That's what's, that's true. You can't control love. That's what's so great about it.

You can't control love. There's no walls. There's no prisons for love. Except that one. Except that one. And you're not supposed to. So that, yeah, there are, yeah. There's a, yeah.

Am I stand corrected? No, they are. They're not kind to you inside that prison. And when they find out how you got there. That's sweet, they're going to have a good Valentine's Day Yeah And we also, we have overheards Sent in to us by Listeners, for the listeners

To the listeners Of the listeners If you want to be like one of those people If you want to do like that What do you mean, those people? The listeners. Do we all, residents? Residents?

Are you called a resident when you're brought into jail? I think that's probably what they call them now. It's politically correct. You don't want to harm their self-esteem. Yeah, you're a resident. Those people's self-esteem. You have a... What are the floor supervisors in a...

Resident advisors. Yeah, you have an advisor that... He can, you know... If you're feeling down about your prison time, you can talk. Just talk. I was a resident advisor. What is that? I just remember in res in first year university, our floor res guy, floor rep or whatever,

he'd take us, like, aside every week in the end of the he'd take us like aside every week in the end of the week and take us all aside individually and be like okay so just like you know list out the pinks and grays of the week man

we're here to chill and pinks and grays are supposed to be like pinks are the good things and grays are the bad things but I thought pinks were what you raced for when uh

yeah when you did a chicken race what? well the what is this? you know your pinks I'm laughing for no reason the ownership papers I'm just laughing when you did a chicken race. What? What is this? You know, I'm laughing for no reason. The ownership papers are...

I'm just laughing. I'm just having a great time. I'm just laughing. I am. You have no idea, Greg. Pink, yeah, but... Pinks and grays, goods and bads.

Why is it called pinks? Because your registration? Oh, wait, I don't know. It's the pink, yeah, it's like the... I feel like pink's a loaded color. The ownership. I feel like there's a lot of stuff.

Well, this was just like pinks and grays. So it wasn't like things that were good but not great and things that were bad but not terrible. Oh, like the singer Pink. Like Pink and then that singer Gray. David Gray. David Gray. Tell me about your pinks and grays. I was a resident advisor.

Oh, you were? In a prison. But I was on a floor of all rugby players who didn't listen to me. And the only time any kid ever came to me for advice was after he'd been caught smoking pot in his room. He was like, please don't let them kick me out. He cried. Big strapping lad crying in my room. Did you like, please don't let them kick me out. He cried. Big strapping lad crying in my room. Did you have a hug?

Nope. Did you get kicked out? Nope. You helped. I made a phone call. Oh, it works. It works. He suckered you. He probably wouldn't have gotten kicked out anyway. Now this first overheard is sent to us by Matthew in Edmonton.

I just overheard a co-worker on the phone clarifying the spelling of a word. They said, is that B as in Bravo or D as in dog design? Dog design? Yeah, dog design. Do you believe in evolution or dog design yeah dog design do you believe in evolution or dog design why'd you need

two the fact that you needed two d words and also that that's not a thing what is a dog design maybe he was like as in dog

and then he looked over at something else and he started a new thought a new thought a dog design me something for tomorrow

like he was in the middle of something else um so yeah A dog. Design me something for tomorrow. Like he was in the middle of things. Yeah, dog design. I'm going to use that from now on. G as in giraffe games. When you call the bank. Giraffe games. Yeah, when you give options, make sure to give three or four options all at once.

Like a whole or all sentence. F as in farm friends. L as in line up at the bakery and take a number. Wait for your name to be called. What was that? L as in line up at the bakery. Well, you take a number. The point of the number is that you don't have to line up.

I don't know how bakeries work anymore everything's online am i right now this uh this next is an overseen so we're gonna try they sent a photo uh with it but it didn't show up in this email uh but i'll try and describe it the best i can it's a product uh that somebody's bought it's like a sticker and i i'm only doing this one because i see you're wearing a teenageage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt. And this is in line with that. It is a knockoff of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The two turtles on the sticker are blue and pink, and they have hair.

They both have hair, Deuce. They both have hair deuce. And instead of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, it's Thai Age, T-Y-A-G-E, New Type Minitotals. What? That's amazing, man. Are you kidding? Yeah. Thai Age. Wow.

Thai Age New Type Minitotals. It's like, remember Kidio? That makes me think of Kids Can Rock and Roll, like that Canadian show for kids where they wore the wings. They were like fake kiss. Yeah. What? It was Ace, Buddy, and PJ.

Yeah. Turn on the mail fan and bring in the fan mail. You know it. I know it. Kids can rock and roll. I don't know this at all. This is blowing my mind wide open. It was this, was it Canadian?

Yes. Yeah. But they looked vaguely Japanese, but they were wearing all white makeup with eye masks and sparkly wigs. Yeah, green. And they each played an instrument and they would play songs. Yeah, they were like a kid's kiss. And they would call it...

Kids Can Rock and Roll. Kidio was the name. And they would just be like little one-minute segments of different... There was a part where they would do aerobics, the aerobics of air guitar. You remember it all. I remember it. Yeah. I had a cassette from Shoppers Drug Mart from that.

Oh, it's everything you want in a drugstore. Wow. That's crazy. I think so. What was this on? Was this on a- It would have been on- On YTV.

Early YTV days, I think. Maybe YTV. I think I remember seeing it on a City TV affiliate. Oh, yeah. Sure. On a Sunday afternoon. Man, man, I feel like I missed out.

That'll probably end up on the blog, right? Kidio. If, if it exists, do you, do you have a picture of that? What was it called?

I will show it to you. Oh my gosh. It's amazing. Yeah. It's a great, cause of the hairdos. Mostly the hairdos are the things that really, what kind of,

what hairdos? Uh, the blue guy that, uh, they're not,. What hairdos do they have? The blue guy, they're not, I don't know that they're specific Ninja Turtles. I don't think it was a Donatello has hair or whatever. Jackson Pula. Well, certainly.

I think it's Pollock. Oh, no, that was racist. Yeah, it's just my accent thing. But the pink guys Oh, that was racist. Yeah. It's just my accent. Thank you. Oh, no. But the pink guy certainly doesn't exist as age. No, the pink one has a girl's hairdo, and the blue one has like a boy, like an emo haircut.

What girl's hairdo? Like a blonde. Like a beaver. Beaver. Justin Bieber. A beaver. A beaver's Bieber. Justin Bieber. A Bieber. A Bieber's haircut. The girl has like a Betty from Betty and Veronica.

Wait, hold on. There's a girl? Yeah, the pink one is a girl. Well, I mean, her hairdo's a girl. Could be a guy. It's weird. They did come out with female mutant ninja turtles, I guess like in the later cartoon or whatever, where they had like a breast boob.

Lipstick? Really? Yeah, it was weird because like their shell they were just dealing with. The front of their shell was shaped like a bust. Yeah, why would female turtles don't have boobs? No, they're not mammals. They don't need to breastfeed.

Why would they have? Did they do anything especially teenaged Yeah they ate pizza at every meal They skateboarded Nobody studied They had first kisses They debuted They took the SATs

Yeah Okay this last one Is I like the way this person wrote this. It's Colin from San Francisco, and he wrote it like a screenplay. He's got exterior street day. There's a porta potty about 20 feet in front of me on the sidewalk. A girl and a guy bicycle past in the street. Girl, I had a dream about that porta potty. Well, not that porta potty, but a similar one.

Pretty great. And the guy just, silence. That is pretty great. Yeah. So, you know, them's the overheards that people send in. If you want to send them in, stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. Now, Katie, did you have more than one? Well, I just wrote a few things down.

Oh, sure. But, you know, that was the best one. These were just like... Second best. I want to hear the second best one. Number two. Okay. I stayed at this hostel in London in like 2008.

You're a well-traveled... You were living in the Bed-Stuy. You were living in Los Angeles. London. That's right Los Angeles, London. Yeah, London, yeah. Just those spots. You're like Hilary Duff going around the world. Going around the world.

Maybe a party in Tokyo or whatever. Oh, what is this? We couldn't think of those. You should find out. Oh, what was the one about? Tokyo. Yeah, she said it like that. Something like that.

Party in Berlin. To the beat of my heart. What. To the beat of my heart. What? To the beat of my heart. That's a different hill. No, it was... We know so much. Because she wears a wig and she's got black hair and she's dressed like a French girl.

In Tokyo. In Tokyo. Did she do the thing with the eyes? With her fingers? Yeah, it's really... With her fingers? Oh, I see what you mean. I didn't do her fingers? Oh, I see what you mean. I didn't do it for the listener.

I see what you mean. No, you didn't do it. I understood is what I mean. He wasn't doing it. I'm glad that moment was avoided. He did the whole podcast. Oh, man. He had that face the entire time.

Oh, you guys. Olivier Krosky. You guys, me so solid. I'm sorry I said that about the artist, the abstract artist earlier. Mispronounced his name. Jackson Pollack. Jackson Pollack. Really, like, it's like pasta and pasta, you know?

Are you okay there, Dave? Okay. I'm not okay. Yeah, man. Get some oregano oil. Get some oregano in you. All right. Okay, well, no.

I mean, this is kind of dumb. This is it. Okay, well, whatever. This was in a hostel in London, and it was a really weird hostel. It had a dance club in it. It was called The Generator, and they had the name. The hostel's logo was silk-screened on a bunch of thongs. You could buy a thong.

The logo was Hulk Hogan's penis lifting up. And it has the quote. What was it? Nipples and wieners? Wiener stand up. Stand up. Well, the real... If you don't stand up

for something, brother, your wiener will fall for everything. Well, the real Hulk Hogan's wiener please stand up. Just a lineup of five of them.

That was that song okay whatever so so it was a really weird place this dance club and stuff so like you know like travelers would hook up and go back to their their hostel rooms and do it anyway I didn't have so much sex

have so much sex it's a room with a bunk bed the generator but I was staying there by myself I have so much sense. It's a room with eight bunk beds. It's true. The generator. But I was staying there by myself because I was coming back. I flew back from Italy and then went straight back to the hostel. And it was like 2 in the morning. I just wanted to go to bed. And I was so tired, but I had to check in.

And waiting in line, there was two girls in front of me. And they were talking with a guy who was working there. And the guy said something like, you want a mic? I can't do the accent. I can't do the accent. It's like, you want a mic? I can't do the accent. I can't do the accent. It's like, you want a mic? You want a mic, sure. You want a mic, sure.

You're in a room with your friends because you have less of a chance of getting raped. And then I was standing behind him like, oh, no, I'm by myself. And I was so tired and scared, and then I went upstairs, and someone had actually put their stuff on my bed, and I moved it, and then I just lay down on my clothes and hugged my bag and slept that way

oh man that's like uh that scene in big where uh tom hanks rents the uh the cd apartment and then he gets raped in the generator but the best actually, to take on one more overheard, like, the morning, like, nothing bad happened. It was just weird. People were coming and going, like, the whole night, like, just because everyone was partying or arriving late or whatever. But in the morning, this guy's alarm clock went off, and it was this portly German man who was like,

time to get up, horizon shine. He actually said that to himself. Everyone was asleep, and then he got up oh he said it to himself he said it to himself oh awesome yeah I just happened to hear it was very nice

anyway so that was a nice one get up Hans time to take on the day do you guys ever reverse the overheards where you're like you say something

and you're like I wonder if someone overheard that we have done that before oh yeah where it would have sounded weird had somebody overheard it

yeah I think we've flipped the script that way interesting sometimes I'll, like, do you ever get recognized in Vancouver by someone who maybe listens to the show?

Yep, sometimes. And you, maybe they don't introduce themselves to you, but you can tell that they're sort of... Oh, no, I haven't had that. People will either come up to me and say hello, or they will not. Oh, okay. You know what I mean?

Whenever that happens to me, I always make a big show and say something very overhearable. Oh, really? Is that true? No. I was really like, wait a minute. I backed off immediately on that one. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also get overheards that are called in. And if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328,

like these people have. Hey, Dave, Graham, and wonderful guests. This is Nick from Amherst, Massachusetts with an overheard. I was babysitting my younger cousin. She's in fourth grade, and they were having a pop spelling quiz. And one of the kids got a word and he didn't know how to spell it.

So this is what he said to the teacher. Hey, lady, I don't even know how to spell dinosaur. Dinosaur. Oh, man. Bargaining with the teacher. Yeah. Well, how am I supposed to know this? I don't know things. I'm a kid. Yeah, bargaining with the teacher. Yeah. Well, how am I supposed to know this? I don't know things.

I'm a kid. Yeah. How, how, yeah, I don't even know how to spell dick. I'm an idiot kid. I wonder what the word, what was the word that was more complicated than dinosaur? Vacuum. Yeah. That was tough.

I still don't know. One C or two Cs? I don't know. One C, two U's. It's an urban legend. Nobody knows. That's right urban legend. Nobody knows. That's right. Definitely 2Us.

Happy. That's hard. We had, speaking of 2Us, God. There was a. Is this a U2 joke? Or is it going to be about Joe Pesci? In my house growing up, we had a mug that was a picture of a hippo, a birdie, and two ewes.

And it was hippo birdie, two ewes, hippo birdie, two ewes. Oh, man. That is bad. Oh, boy. Oh, brother. Did you just need to get that out? Well, you know what? She said vacuum.

I went with it. And I trusted my instincts. How do you feel? Do you feel like your instincts guided you in the right direction yeah yeah yeah okay good

anything to get us into the next phone call hello this is William from Texas and I have an awesome overheard for you two

who I love so much I was at a Target we love you too and there was these two redneck parents, and they had a baby. And the dad said, what do you mean you can't give the baby Red Bull?

And the mom was like, quit being silly. That's just stupid. And he said, it's not like, I mean, from the can. I thought that was funny. I don't want to share. I put it in her bottle. Yes, city cup. You're not going to cut up

her mouth on the can. Is that what you think? I'm not irresponsible. I'm a father. I'm a father of one very hyperactive kid. How old does a person need to be before they drink Red Bull? It's not an adult drink. No, but kids shouldn't be drinking.

It's like coffee. It's like Kool-Aid to the power of a lot. Is it like Kool-Aid or is it more like coffee? It's caffeine. Yeah, it's caffeine. Yeah, it's more like Red Bull. Yeah, it's kind of like trucker pills. That's what I think.

You have to be a trucker in order to take trucker pills, so you also need to go to one extreme sports event in order to have Red Bull. That's my personal opinion. Do you not know what trucker pills are? Well, trucker, I mean, I just assume they just take like caffeine. Yeah, caffeine pills. But the slang is trucker pills? I've never heard it before either.

You were acting so cocky. Well, that's how I knew them growing up, because I had a friend whose dad was a trucker. Those were called trucker pills. I called them Saved by the Bell pills. Jesse Spanos. Cool reference. Yeah, I wonder if those Ninja Turtles ever took

Saved by the Bell pills. They were teenagers. I'm so scared. The final phone call. But Dave, I thought you were so excited. What happened to that segment? By the way, we still haven't received any feedback for that segment. Two segments.

Okay, never mind. Don't worry about it. No, don't worry. Stop worrying. Next phone roll. Okay, stop worrying. Okay. Hello, Dave and Graham.

Possible guests. This is Steven from Oklahoma. and I haven't overheard. I was in a doctor's office yesterday, and there's this woman with a baby. You know, the baby was making disgruntled baby noises, and at one point the woman goes, and then a really sarcastic voice goes, that's what you sound like. I like the phrase disgruntled baby.

Don't get too old for this shit. Sounds like a good name for a store. Or like, the disgruntled baby. Or a pub. Like, The Disgruntled Baby. Or a pub. Yeah, yes, it does sound like the name of a pub, The Disgruntled Baby. I will meet you at The Disgruntled Baby. I think it's good when a mom gives her kid a reality check.

Yeah, because kids can handle that. Well, if they can handle Red Bull. Yeah, that's true. If you're giving your kid Red Bull. If your kid thinks they're mad enough to drink a Red Bull. It will, by the way, give you wings. Oh, right. Not a euphemism. And it's so cute.

That happened to Claire Danes in that Soul Asylum music video. It's been a while since we talked about that video. That was about Red Bull, huh? Uh-huh. No! Just getting their business off the ground. No! Just getting their business off the ground.

So, yeah. If you want to call in your own making fun of a kid overheard, you can call us at 206-339-8328 or write to us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. Now, Katie. Thank you very much for being our guest. Thank you. If people want to find out more about you online where do they go well uh you can i have a website just katiecrow.com yeah i seem pretty stoked with it

well it's embarrassing it's especially embarrassing to be like what's your email i'm like katie at katiecrow.com it's a bit yeah self-absorbed anyway yeah so just my name is my website and I'm on Twitter as well and what's your handle? Katie underscore crown that's pretty good and then after like I was very new to Twitter and then I saw everyone

has neat fun names and I was like oh nobody does some people have fun stuff people that's dumb people just have your name

like 29 I followed so many people that eventually because you can because you can change your name and keep the account. Right. So many people have eventually just been like, okay, I'm just going to switch it to my name. Yeah. Because when you're at a conference and you're talking to the CEO, you don't want to say, oh, and follow me at Jimmy, Dini, Lini. At Banana Hammock.

Yeah. I just make up weird sounding words. They're real words. Jimmy, Dini, Lini Banana Hammock Yeah I just make up weird sounding words your real words Jimmy Dini

Lini Sna na na Sna na na Clay Clay Clong Follow me at Clay Clay Clong

Do you have any shows coming up? I do but I can't remember the dates but they're on my website

Oh yeah Email her Katie Katie Don't you don't have to I apologize No In the dates, but they're on my website. Oh, yeah. Email her at katie at katiecrown.com. You don't have to. I apologize. No. In the past, we have put it out to our listeners to send some nice emails to katie at katiecrown.com.

But maybe she doesn't want to get emails from the weirdos. She wouldn't have said. She wouldn't have said that email address if she didn't want to. And you know, it's on the website. I mean, if you're going to go, you're going to like it. You're going to go. You're going to write to me. But yeah, I know I am loud.

Sorry. Nobody's going to write you critical emails. But they can. That's okay. I need that. If they do, we'll curb stomp you so much. Oh, my God. Curb stomp.

It came up just last week. We were feeling so sick about it. I remember thinking curb stomping. It just feels gross. Really? Yeah. I forget how it came up. I was talking with some people about it.

Yeah, Dave's big into it. Yeah, you love it. I saw those bodies. Well, I let them hit the floor. And then I make them bite the curb. Make the bodies bite the curb. Oh, my gosh. I already consider them bodies.

That's a very serial killer thing. You don't see them as serial killers. Now, it's killer thing you don't you don't see them as yeah now it's interesting because you don't just have to curb people yeah you can curb your enthusiasm oh no yes someone had to uh yeah and i did and i'm glad it was me um dave do you have anything coming up anything you want to promote i'm gonna make my enthusiasm bite the curb. Let's see. No, not really, I don't think. We're going to be in Toronto. It's sold out.

It is sold out. That's awesome, really. Thanks, everyone. We totally sold out. Yeah, thanks, everyone, for buying tickets to that. Apologies. We've gotten a couple angry messages from people being like, Hey, what?

Can't help the state of the world, man. We put them out there, and then they sold out. That's awesome. That's what happens with tickets sometimes. Where are you guys performing in Toronto? The Comedy Bar. The Comedy Bar. Awesome.

We started a Facebook group and invited people to join it if they wanted to see us in Toronto, and 140 people joined it, and so we booked a 140-seat venue. How can people complain then? We did what we could, right in the moment. You know what? Fuck you. Oh, hey, Dave. No, no, no, the listener.

Oh, right. Okay. I thought you were challenging me to a curb-stomping competition. I got them set up. Oh, my God. How about you? Do you have anything to plug? You know what?

I don't think that I do necessarily. Nope. Not at a, you know, nothing that I'm proud of. I'll probably be paying some weird gig, you know, to pay my bills. So if you're also there, say hello. Yeah. Yeah. Throw money at them. Yeah. Throw money at him.

Yeah, throw money at me. You should go over to, if you're still listening at this point in the podcast, go over to MaximumFun.org where every week there is a blog recap of the episode featuring pictures, videos, things relating to the podcast,

things we've mentioned. You'll get to see that amazing Ninja Turtles picture with the Ninja Turtles with hair probably also you'll Mandy Patinkin you'll probably do that Hilary Duff or the song that you were singing

Dirty Window Dirty Dirty Windows and over at MaximumFun.org there's all our there's a pool of podcasts over there there's Bullseye

with Jesse Thor and there's Jordan Jesse Go Judge John Hodgman My Brother My Brother and Me all fantastic podcasts all very well worth your time and thanks for listening everybody and come back next week

for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Staring at the black page before you. Open up the dirty window let the sun illuminate the world that you cannot see should we do an open mic after this? oh you like a folks singer songwriter one?

pour something in the distance though close you can always taste it release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in We are awful. Why is there a dirty window?

Is that the first line? Open up your dirty window? Yeah, man. It's a metaphor. You know what I'm talking about. Open up your dirty window. That was a little stupid. It's not a window.

It's like a change person.