Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 204 - Erica Sigurdson

Episode Date: February 14, 2012

Comedian Erica Sigurdson returns to talk about keys, too much perfume, and Alanis Morissette.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 204 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man, hmm, he's a great man. He's one of the greatest men that you're ever going to meet. His name is Dave Shumka.

Yep, I'm pretty great. Yeah. Like, geez, who are the greats? Alexander the Great Yeah, Ivan the Terrible Sure He was pretty great The Great Gazoo

Yeah Oh, Cheese Graters Yeah, Cheese Graters are pretty great You're greater than a Cheese Grater Not as great as Alexander the Great Fair enough Fair enough Our guest this week, returning guest.

How many times returning guest? Four times? Five times? Four times. Four times returning guest. One of my favorite people just in general, Miss Erica Sigurdsson. Hi. Hey.

Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming back. You're a comedian. Yeah. You're a spokesmodel. Yes. For many, many products. For comedian. Yeah. You're a spokesmodel. Yes. For many, many products. For spokes.

Yeah. You're a writer. Yes. And you're like a producer, too. You're booking your own shows now. I am. How do you like it? I'm wearing many hats.

And also, oh, yes, you're a haberdasher. You wear many hats. Yes. I like it. It's a little more nerve-wracking when you don't know how much money you're going haberdasher. You wear many hats. Yes. I like it. It's a little more nerve-wracking when you don't know how much money you're going to make, though. Yeah, right? You're like, I got a show tonight. I hope I make my rent.

Well, thanks for joining us. Thanks for having me. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. So we were just talking. You're going out to a show tonight. Yes. You're doing a show in a theater.

Like, you book the show. Which is, this is like a new frontier for stand-up comedians. Because always you would play in clubs. And the club takes care of all that garbage. Yeah. And so now you're taking care of the garbage. I'm taking care of it. So you get to go home with 100% of the garbage. Yeah. And so now you're taking care of the garbage. I'm taking care of it. So you get to go home with 100% of the garbage.

Yes. And I get 100% of the failure if it fails. So that feels good. Yeah. But I think it's going to be good. It's Valentine's Day weekend. Oh, very romantic. People are going to be out to see me.

Yeah, yeah. On of them. It's going to be great. Laughter is an aphrodisiac. Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. Laughter and oysters. oh yeah yeah you should make it a night of laughter and oysters i am uh and what are other aphrodisiacs because i don't buy that spanish fly spanish fly is

what is that like old-timey roofies uh no spanish fly is like supposed to be like uh it was like an old-timey Viagra type thing. Or it's supposed to make you crazy. Isn't it supposed to make the women amorous? Oh, I thought it was. Because the men don't need Spanish fly. I think you slip some Spanish fly in a girl's drink. Right.

And then she's good to go. And then if you even go back further to the caveman days, just the big club was a aphrodisiac, and she was good to go for probably a good half an hour, 45 minutes before she came to. Is that true? There's no evidence

of cavemen doing that. There's no couples buried next to a club. They didn't find the bones of some people boning next to a bone of a club. Like, they didn't find the bones of some people boning next to a bone of a club. But I think if you fall in love, maybe that's how he says he loves you,

is he throws his club away. Yeah, right? I will no longer bash you in the head as foreplay. I'm going to try blowing in your ear. But, like like really hard so it blows out your eardrum they didn't have subtlety yeah Valentine's Day

it's right around the corner exciting for people who like little novelty cards that maybe have your favorite cartoon on them Adora Spongebob Phineas and Ferb, et cetera. No, keep going. Oh.

Jake and Josh. Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty. Absolutely Hello Kitty. When you were a kid, did you, at school, did you make the little boxes and then people would put Valentines in them? Yes. And little paper bags would be your little mailbox and you'd tape it.

Did you do that? Yeah, yeah, of course. Make a little mailbox? Oh, man. That is like, if you're a teacher, that's a great way to kill an hour. An hour. Yeah. All right.

Half an hour to, you know, hand them out. Make sure everyone gets one. That's rule number one. Yeah. No one must be left out. And then half an hour to read them. Oh, I got one from Rick. Now, when you were a kid, were you more looking for the types of cards that you were going to receive?

Like, I really hope I get an Aquaman card. Or were you looking for who sent you the card? What was more important? I don't think anything was important. Nothing mattered? If it was candy, I think that's all I cared about. Yeah, cinnamon hearts. Oh, right.

Pretty good. I don't think, yeah, as a little boy, I wasn't the biggest St. Valentine's Day fan. What about you, Erica? Do you have any special recollection in that direction? Ooh, hey. That was very good. Recollection in that direction.

I don't remember. See, Valentine's Day when I was 10 was the day I was diagnosed with diabetes. What? Really? Yeah, it's my anniversary. 27 years, this Valentine's Day. Wow. So I remember being at school like and with our

little paper bag and it's the only valentine's day i can really remember except the one when i was 14 where my mom accidentally gave my sister and i thong underwear instead of heart underwear and i thought it was very strange those are like accidentally gave us thong underwear instead of insulin she had bought these little like they looked like Chinese food boxes. And I guess they were supposed to have, like, heart underwear. But I pulled them out and they were, like, thong. And I was like, what? Thanks, Mom.

I was like, this is weird. But, yeah, so I don't, I'm not a big Valentine's Day person because it was kind of. Who is? Oh, St. Valentine's Day. Hallmark. Yeah. Hallmark.. Hallmark? Yeah. Hallmark is really big on it. Johnny Hallmark.

It's not... I was thinking about it because I do... I'll buy flowers every year. Sure. When I was younger... For who? For Abby.

For Abby, yeah. I used to... When I was younger, I used to be... Like, you know, buying flowers, it's like nerve-wracking when you're a teenager. Right. But now... What? Buying's like nerve-wracking when you're, you know, a teenager.

Right. But now... What, buying flowers is nerve-wracking? Yeah, and like carrying around flowers, like everyone knows what's up. Like, oh, this guy's got a girlfriend. Or his aunt died. Yeah. But now it's just like, hey, I want to have nice things in my house.

Yeah. Do you buy her roses or do you buy her... I'll buy whatever. Just whatever. She likes roses. But on Valentine's Day, the price of roses goes up like 10 times. See, I'm not a huge rose fan. I like...

Blanche. What did you call me? I'm not a huge rose fan. I like Blanche. Golden Girls. Well done. But I don't like roses a lot. I like, and in Vancouver you see them all the time, like the Gerber daisies and like

the big bright orange and yellow flowers. And we're not big on flowers in our household. And by us, I mean Jay. So I often will buy those bouquets for myself and put them around the house. Yeah, that's nice. Now, your longtime boyfriend, fiancé. Let's just go life partner. Jay, he is like a survivalist type guy.

So he would get you flowers. Yeah, could sustain you. Yeah, exactly. A lot of aloe vera. A cactus that you can drink out of. yeah exactly a lot of aloe vera yeah yeah yeah some sort of uh you know yeah some um what do you call like the pills that make water so you drinkable potable water pills or whatever i think that's what you call them yeah yeah maybe those in a heart-shaped box yeah um now uh what was the one kind of flower i bought a girl what are those crazy ones that look like a bird?

Orchid? No, like they're great. Like they're from the deepest, darkest jungles and they look like orchids. Not orchids. Oh, those ones. They're called like some bird things. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like birds of prey.

Birds of prey. She died. Yeah. We got her in a raptor. Yeah, she was eaten in her sleep. We thought it was a flower. It was a vulture. Yeah. We got her in a raptor. Yeah, she was eaten in her sleep. We thought it was a flower. It was a vulture. It woke up.

Now, you, earlier in the year, you were writing on a television show that's like now Canada's biggest comedy hit. Yeah. Mr. D. Yes. Technically, my position was story editor because I didn't actually... That's higher than writer, isn't it? No, well, I don't really understand

what I'm doing in life. So a lot of people hire me for things that I pretend I know what I'm doing and I just sit and go on Facebook all day. Well, that's what we hired her to do. We hired her to go on myspace all day she's ruining everything um because i went in halfway through production so i didn't actually pen any episodes right um but i was in the room and you know you do the punch up and the rewrites and all that

kind of stuff it sounds like you're a writer. Okay. Yes, I was. I don't like to misrepresent myself. Now you, you was in a, they like flew you out and you worked on the thing in Halifax.

They did. Why was it in Halifax? Why is everything in Halifax? They have real, Nova Scotia has great tax breaks. Also Top Sale Entertainment, which is a production company. They did the Trailer Park Boys. They are based out of Halifax.

There you go. That's the connection. Yeah, and I left on 24 hours notice. And Jay was on a kayaking trip, and I couldn't even get up. Survivaling. Yeah, survivaling. Survivaling. And so he had no cell phone service. So basically, I just left.

Left and vanished. I just left. I just left. I've gone as far away from you as our country will allow. Yeah. Like, he was literally on the tip of Vancouver Island, so the most western point of the country. And then I just went to the opposite coast. And it was great, because they put me up in a great apartment right on the water, which was lovely. But Jay phoned home one night

and i was like oh i'm in halifax he's like oh i need you to get my water pills my phone's dying come get us i've left you the coordinates of where i am on the desk the weird thing is when i left and i have no idea how this happened i think maybe the cab called but i put my keys i locked the front door and then but i didn't pull the keys out what yeah so like and i have no idea what like because that's kind of a fluid motion lock and pull the keys out and jay got home so not only had i left them in the door but my neighbors had just walked past them for a week and no one like i don't know were they going in and lying in my bed and then just lock in the door again but only like if you had smeared

ketchup on the door in like a hand pattern by accident you were eating a hot dog in a hurry as you were leaving. Yeah, exactly. Oh, wow. It, like, is the building that you live in, do you know any of your neighbors? I do, because I am, like, nosy neighbor. But so nobody was like, hmm, hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, my neighbors that live on the one side is a couple and they also have a house in england so maybe they were away in the summer that's quite possible right and then the apartment on the other side the people had moved out suddenly so maybe nobody on either side of me was home and then that couple in the other corner they're just a bunch of weirdos so this sounds like a setup for an episode of Frasier. Like there's all sorts of, oh, I have to go suddenly and I've left the keys in the door and the neighbor has gone.

I have to speak to someone of a different class. And Niles is in a kayak. Maris is off. She's got the vapors. I often do that. Well, not often, but occasionally I'll come home from walking the dog or whatever, and I'll be like, where am I? How do I not have my keys?

And then I come home and they're in the door. Wow. It is troubling. Yeah. It scares me because I'm like, what happened that millisecond? I was like, no time to pull these out. No time. I need to go right now.

My flight leaves in exactly two hours and 14 seconds. Yeah. So they called you and said, we need you to be here in 24 hours. Well, I was actually in Toronto when they called for corporate. So they said, can you fly directly from Toronto? And I said, well, I don't have any of my stuff. Like, I'm only here for a night. You need to go home and feed the plant.

Yeah. And they said, oh, well, what if we just give you money to buy clothes and stuff? And I was like. That would have been like perfect. Yeah. Well, and I would have done it except, A, I didn't bring my laptop with me, which is a big mistake when you get hired as a writer to show up without a computer. Just a notepad and a pen. I'm ready, chaps.

This is my version of Final Draft. I wrote it in pen. I know all the shortcuts. I have a series of stamps with all the characters' names. I'm writing it on the yellow pages, which means they're rewrites. Oh, man, these are some good screenwriting jokes. And also because I needed to go get all my diabetic supplies together. That's probably more important than all the other things combined, I would say.

Yeah. Why were you anywhere without diabetics? Without a week's worth or two months' worth of diabetics. Yeah. Well, I was only going to Toronto for the night, so I brought an extra life. What if you left your keys in your door and somebody walked off with them and then they were locked in your place? Do you know what I mean? It's like every time you leave your house, you should have two months' supply ready to go.

Probably should, but I don't. And so it was cool. They sent you out. They put you out. That seems like a really great offer. Hey, we'll just give you money to buy clothes. That sounds like a real pretty woman kind of. So what is it exactly a story editor does?

Well. I mean, that seems really cool. Yeah. Every time they give you a paycheck, they give it to you in a nice velvet box and slammed it shut on your fingers. And you went, whoo-hoo! I just really like the idea of getting a call that's like, hey, we're giving you a new job. And while you're here, you can buy yourself a new identity.

You can be a whole new person. Reinvent yourself. Well, what I did immediately was I ran to the bathroom with a pair of scissors and just chunked off my hair so no one could recognize me. Yeah. Yeah, you bleached your eyebrows, cut off a chunk of your hair. Whole new Erica. Which I never understood in movies.

It's always a woman escaping her abusive husband or boyfriend, and she just goes into the bathroom and starts. And I'm like, yeah, you blend now. You look like an idiot. Her hair is all crazy. Nobody's going to notice you. And the whole reason you're leaving your husband Is because he never notices that you cut your hair

He's not gonna notice this What was the Was it Jennifer Lopez? Yes it sure was And she learned to box And then he showed up and she killed him Really? Is that what the plot of that movie is? Pretty much right?

I've never saw it I remember the ads were on Oh, I avoided it. I remember the ads were on for like weeks before it came out, and I literally was like, enough. From a writer who has never met a battered woman ever. It's like, you know how battered women, they cut their hair, they go learn self-defense, and then they go back for revenge. It's a classic story that happens again and again and again enough um the sequel was enough already

uh dave what's going on with you what's new what's exciting um not a lot new uh i've just been i take the bus to work every day And I just have been hating it More and more It seems like in the last couple of weeks It has gotten unbearable I own a car I'm tempted to drive my car to work But I sort of like

The time on the bus Like the idea of On a good bus ride You have time to yourself. You can, you know, listen to your iPod. Yep. Be alone with your thoughts. But lately, it's just been like, every bus has been packed.

And it's all, it's like cold, but everyone is sweating. Yeah. It's like a nightmare. Like waking up from a nightmare. You're cold and sweaty. But this is the kind of nightmare that you can't wake up from. And you know how, I think we've complained about this in the past, about how people don't take off their backpacks and are just unaware of space. Human space.

Human space. I find that is more and more the case with hair. People with long hair don't know, like they'll be leaning their head one way and it'll just be going into your drink. Yeah. Or ponytails hitting you in the face. Yeah. Are you possibly standing too close to these women? Are you? Well, no, the buses are literally

packed like sardines. In that you guys are all lying down in oil. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, people say we were packed in there like sardines, but it's always upright. Yeah, you're more like a Ritz cracker or something like that. Something that, you know.

Yeah, we were packed in there like Pocky. Well done. Yeah, well done. Yeah, well done. Yeah, I feel like the two things, the big infractions I find on public transit more and more often is smell-based. And it's either, hey, dude, have a shower. Most often it's dudes. Sometimes it's ladies.

But most often it's dudes. Hey, dude, have a shower. Or, hey, lady, you don't need to dump an entire bottle of j-lo's perfume all over your head before you go out by j-lo it's never enough that's the it's like yeah um yeah because uh i feel like there's especially your friday nights your saturday nights you get on a transit and by the time you're off, your eyes are stinging. Yeah. Because you're just kind of, like, it's like you're in the perfume section of the store or whatever. The store. Superstore.

So those are my big things. Space, as I always kind of assumed, you're going to be... It's the final frontier. Yeah. And you're going to be touching people. Like, that's just an inevitable on transit. But smell, you can't, there's no, once it's in your nose, you can't to be touching people. That's just an inevitable on transit. But smell, you can't. There's no, once it's in your nose, you can't get rid of it. Do you get up and move? I have done. I've started to do that.

And I also will stare for a while and try to really make them know I'm not pleased with their scent. Take out one of those mini fans and blow it all around their face like if somebody stinks like bo stink i used to never move because i was like i don't want to hurt their feelings and then once i was on the bus and this guy like was just like you know that old man i don't wash my coat but i also drink a fair amount of alcohol yeah yeah and just like re and i'm sitting and then i was like what am i doing like this guy i don't want to offend his his yeah his delicate sensibilities yeah like so i just get and perfume though i have to move because i'm um i don't know

if it's allergic but i get like a really bad headache as soon as I smell like perfume. If I go through sewers, I have to like it's always very dramatic because when I walk through the stores, I have to cover my mouth. And like I'm like, don't get near me. It's to the point that I don't know who it is attractive to. I don't know anybody that's like, oh, perfume. I love it. So everybody that I know that I talk to about it says, yeah, perfume, it makes my eyes hurt or it smells bad. It reminds me of an ex.

That's really all perfume does. It's true. Yeah, but it's like, I wish there was something in between cars and public transit. Something that's like... I think it's a bike i think those are the in-betweens or car to go have you considered car to go no i don't it's like a cardigan but it's a car that gets you it's like a zip car it is well yes i actually belong to zip car car co-op and car to go i like to keep my options okay yeah um and i took a car to go here and what i it's one way so if it was just

a day you didn't want to take the bus you could just hop in one and drop it anywhere downtown within reason there's a special spot actually has to be permit parking in the middle of the street like a cop yeah throw the keys on the sidewalk and go into work. Thank you, Erica. Great idea. Just leave it at a red light. But I'm thinking of maybe on the bus, a special section.

You pay an extra dollar. You are guaranteed a seat. A single seat. You don't have to sit next to a weirdo. Unless the weirdo can afford another dollar. Yeah, well, that's the thing, see? It's the dollar. I think you're thinking of a cab. But there has, that's too expensive.

There has to be some... I think the trick is to any time that it's nice out, if you can, walk. And then only take transit when it's too miserable to take any other means of transportation. But it's those days when everyone takes transit. It's more miserable, yeah.

So walk on those days and then only take it when it's nice and miserable. But can't you drive your car just as far as the SkyTrain and then just take the train downtown? Ooh. I've tried that. You forget that you left your car. You take the bus home. There's no place to park it for a full day, really.

What about some... What if you find somebody, like how there's these houses by the P&E or whatever and they're like, hey, park on my lawn or whatever. You strike up an agreement with a small family to park your vehicle on their vegetable garden. $10 an axle.

But he doesn't work near the P&E. No, I'm saying that's the only time I've seen this happen. But I'm not saying go drive to the P&E and then take a bus back into town. Take the 135 SFU. The P&E for non take a bus back into town. Take the 135 SFU. The P&E for non-locals is like our county fair. Yeah, it's a thing that you wear. It's a pinny. It's like...

A P&E, that's the flower you bought. No, it's not. What are they called? Snapdragons? What are the ones... Seahorses. What are the Venus fly traps? Oh, the Venus fly traps, I think is what they're called.

Nailed it. They eat flies, right? Or do they eat any kind of thing that you put in there? Will they eat a gum? I wonder. Will they chew a gum? Or will they blow bubbles? Will a Venus fly trap chew a gum?

Like, just keep chewing it. You don't need to add articles to every now and then. I feel like I do in this case, because we're being scientific. Can we get Rick Moranis on the phone and find the answer to this? I miss Rick Moranis. Me too. Yeah. I watched a little bit of Ghostbusters 2 the other day, and I was like, hey, this guy should still be...

No, no, no. He's taking care of his family. He retired. He actually retired from show business and decided to just, which is crazy because, right? Show business is the greatest business of them all. Yeah, there's no business like it. It's weird because who actually retired? Gene Hackman, he retired.

Jay-Z retired and came out of retirement, and then retired again, and then came out of retirement. Celine Dion is out of retirement. Michael Jordan, another one. I think athletes retire frequently. Yeah, but like, what about, well, Michael Jordan, he was a movie star. Sure. Now, spokesman.

Yep, but like somebody who's actually just full-on retired there's not that many of them i don't think in show business you kind of like hang around until you're dead right yeah i think there are we just don't think of them yeah they retired well i think a lot of them end up retiring against their will yeah there's just not so many roles for, you know, the 65-year-old Latina women. Who are you talking about specifically? Cheech Marin. But, like, you think, like, Rick Moranis, he could be playing a dad in a thing. Yeah.

Or somebody's grandfather in a thing. Uh-huh. Or he could be, with a lot of prosthetics, he could be somebody's kid in a thing. He's aware. He retired. I know, but just one more kick at the can, you know? Like, you know, I don't know. Something.

There's got to be a project. But maybe he doesn't want, like, that's the thing. He obviously doesn't. If he has enough money, then he's set. We can't all be Eugene Levy. That's true. We can't all be. What's that?

If he's got enough money, then he's set. Remember when you used to think, like, man, I could never not do stand-up, and then now I'm like, man, if I won the Lotto Max, I would burn this place to the ground. Not your place. This Lotto Max stand. What would you burn to the ground? I don't know. Because you can, like, you don't need to win the lottery to burn stuff to the ground i don't know because you can like you don't need to win the lottery to burn stuff to the ground you'll just go to jail yeah well that's the thing i need money

for a good lawyer for my arson charges and in a strange twist yeah that would be great if there was a lottery story where somebody like won the lottery and then became an evil super genius. They just started doing crimes and paying lawyers to get them out of prison. But they weren't enough of a super genius to steal money. Yeah, exactly.

But it's kind of like everybody, when you get the money, it just reveals, what do they say? Reveals your true self or whatever. So if somebody won the lottery and just started burning down people's houses, they're like, I'm truly an arsonist. I think it mostly reveals your deadbeat relatives. Oh, yeah. That's true.

I wonder, yeah. I don't know. Would I like to win the lottery? Yes. Would I like to burn down my deadbeat relative's house? Sure. When you win it, you like to win the lottery? Yes. Would I like to burn down my deadbeat relative's house? Sure. When you win it, you can't, like, win it privately. No.

You have to do what they tell you. Like, take your picture. But can you wear a wig? That's what I was wondering. Or cut off all your hair. Enough style. Yeah. Or maybe, like, wear the most offensive clothes, like wear a Nazi outfit and just be giving

like six middle fingers at once so they can't photograph you. Also be a Dracula. Can you wear, yeah, like something to make... Like a shirt that says, I have H1N1 Or something What's that again? Topical Yeah

I forget what that is Remember four years ago Was that the pig flu? It was the swine flu Yeah You had that I had it Yeah I had it

I could wear that shirt Why would they I'm thinking of things that like They would Newspapers would get in trouble for publishing the picture I have H1N1 well it's difficult to verify

that's why they get in trouble for publishing I just thought so people wouldn't come near you but photographers could I didn't say my plan was thought out you just sprung this dress code we didn't pre-plan this

although that is a pretty good notion is that if you win the lottery and you don't want people to come around to harass you you take some of that lottery winning and you tell everybody that they have to dress in like outbreak suits and you're the only one have to dress in like outbreak you know suits and

you're the only one not in like an outbreak protection suit and then it looks like oh he's got a horrible disease you let you you build like a plastic bubble to live yeah yeah yeah and then everybody won't uh come around you because you've got that uh Gwyneth Paltrow brain disease nice from uh yeah it is nice from. See, I have a plan. Because you have to be ready to win the lottery. Because if you're not, you're just going to make a fool of yourself. That's true. So my plan was, hold on to the ticket.

You have one year to cash it. Right. Put it somewhere safe. Your sock drawer. Under your mattress. Under your coat. Taped to the front door of your apartment. Yeah.

Just put it on your key chain. And you will never lose it. And then that year, whenever your birthday rolls around, you write down the people that called you on your birthday. And those are your real and true friends and close family. And they will get a cut of your weddings and everyone else can die. Yeah. Screw you, Facebook friends. Yeah.

And also your uh your fiance who's out of cell phone range who's gonna call uh that's pretty

funny that's a really meticulous uh like super evil kind of

plan like oh wait and these people have to prove their loyalty in order to get in on my weddings. It's not bad. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Nice work, super genius. Thank you. Who calls? I know you guys will be calling me next birthday in person at my door. I don't know. I think only my family calls me on my birthday. I will accept text messages.

Okay, but not the 600 Facebook. No, no, no. God, no. Yeah. I mean, I might give them each $5. That's pretty good. $5 for a birthday greeting? Out of the blue?

Yeah. I can't be angry at that. But I know, like, I've got a really small family. I don't really have cousins or anything like that. So it's pretty much me and my mom and dad. Yeah, for me, it's my immediate family and Butch Patrick from the Monsters. Yeah, you'd have to give him a sizable chunk of whatever. He could use it.

Yeah, absolutely. I watched a documentary about lottery winners, and almost across the board it was a sad sack situation, except this one couple who basically had to ditch their entire life because everybody became so horrible. Or maybe they became horrible. It was hard to tell who became horrible. But they had to move out of the country and start another life somewhere. Were they all American?

Yeah, yeah. Because in Canada, you get all the money. Yeah. In the States, you can either get a lump sum that's less than... Monthly installments. Or they show you the money. Yeah, it's less than you actually won or monthly installments over like 25 years. And people win the lottery and start spending like they're millionaires when they are getting a million dollars over, like, 25 years.

Yeah. Yeah. And, like... There was a This American Life about it. And one of the stories was a guy who... There's, like, a company that just buys people out. Because, like, people go into such debt after they win the lottery. They just start spending so much.

And so they bought out this guy's lottery winnings. Really? Yeah. Wow. And they had to go to a notary public to get the thing notarized. And the notary public also sold lottery tickets. And so as the person is losing their fortune,

they're buying more lottery tickets and just scratching. So what, how, like the person says, I'll give you X amount because you're just going to piss it away anyways? Well, no. The company says, well, the person's still entitled to their winnings, but they're over like 20 years. Oh. And so the company's like, we'll give you this amount of money. And then they get the payments. And we'll get the payments.

Oh, wow. But see, I thought with the payments, if you died, the reason people take lump sums is i thought if you died like that you didn't get any more payments you find a lump yeah well no they they give you the payments but they have to dig they have to dig up your body every time put it in your pocket yeah rebury your family has to weekend at bernie's Yeah. All the way to the bank. That's the rule is like, if you die, you have to take it with you.

Yeah. You must be buried with the rest of the end. It's like Curly's Gulf. Right? Wasn't that where they dig up Curly? Yeah. To steal his teeth. Graham.

Yep. How have you been? Oh, pretty okay. Okay. i went to our nation's capital and uh yeah it's really cold there how cold was it uh like a joke wise like literally want to know um it was minus it was in the minuses like it was below. It was in the minuses. Like it was below zero. It was like seven, eight below zero. Yeah, gross. That's Canadian. That's Canadian.

Yeah, exactly. That's like, what is that in American? Minus 400? Probably about 15. Yeah. Fahrenheit. Sure. Double it and add 30.

Is that right? I think so. Yeah. In Ottawa, people, this is crazy. It sounds like a thing that's made up, but there's lots of people that skate to work. Have you ever heard of that? In the canal? Yeah.

I didn't know that that was a thing. I didn't know they did it to work. Yeah. That would solve my commuting problems. Exactly. You'd be able to skate, just like you always wanted to. Any sow cows? Yeah, always wanted to any sow cows? yeah there's lots of sow cows everybody's wearing glittery outfits

so that they don't get hit by zamponis but at the several restaurants that I ate at people just had skates over their shoulder like they were in business attire except they had skates that they had skated

in that's worse than hair in your face yeah boots you in the face with a skate my jugular um yeah wow uh that business attire and skates reminds me of like something they would do at one of those uh figure skating exhibitions like i'm a businessman or I'm a gangster. Yeah, and then they come out and sing to the, you know, dance to Nathan Detroit. Yeah, and do something with a chair. I'm picturing Elvis Stoico as you're telling me. Yeah, yeah. I really...

I meant Kurt Browning. Oh, okay. Apologies. Brian Oysters. I want to think of five. An aphrodisiac. Five songs that would be good for... Really, five? Yeah, for a routine where a guy is wearing a business suit.

You can leave your hat on. Okay, that's good. Dolly Parton, 9 to 5. 9 to 5. She works hard for the money. But it's heat. Well, he can wear a prosthetic. Just Another Manic Monday.

Yeah, I like this. It's a solid 80s theme. Working for the weekend. There you go. Everybody's working. That wasn't that hard. I guess not as a solid 80s theme. Working for the weekend. There you go. Everybody's working. That wasn't that hard. I guess not. Let's do another 45. Let's come up with a solid 50. Call it a day. So yeah,

that was a weird thing that sounds as if you told people abroad, oh yeah, there's a city where people skate to work. It just sounds really... Oh yeah, in Australia there's a city where people take kangaroos to work yeah exactly you're right to work at a kangaroo yeah the boomerang express gets you home the exact same route that it whatever um so that's uh that was ottawa in a nutshell and then um the other day uh And the other day, there was these downtown, they have these like ads that are painted on the ground.

There's like this new ad campaign that's like, you know, be careful. Accidents are preventable or whatever. And there's this one downtown where it kind of like it says a bunch of sentences on the ground as if it's the person's thought process. Like, oh, there's a coffee shop across the street. I'm going to go check it out. And then it goes off of the curb and it goes like, I'll just run across. Like it's been hit by a car, right? And I was reading it and I was like trying to figure out,

like, because it's a huge long thing and it goes off the curb and I'm reading this whole sentence. And as I was reading it, headfirst into a pole. It seems like a prank. Yeah, that's what I felt like. I was like, oh, I don't get it. And then, yeah, I walked right into a pole. It's so embarrassing.

Before you get the point of the thing. Like, yeah, it seems really dangerous that it actually goes into traffic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's really morbid, too, that the person's like, oh, I'm going to go check out this new coffee shop. I'm going to live forever. Yeah, I just, oh, I just got engaged

and I got a promotion at work and... It's my last day before retirement. I'm going to go celebrate with a new coffee. Do you think Rick Moranis on his last day shooting a movie was like, it's my last day before retirement and there was almost

an accident? Yeah, that's what the Simpsons call retiring. Is it actually painted? Yes um but it's it's strange it's it's uh i wonder how many uh accidents other people have encountered because of this dumb thing uh probably a lot proving their point accidents are perpetual that's what it should say on the pole that you run into. There should be a sticker that goes, See? Stupid. But it does seem like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, absolutely.

Like a gum that gives you bad breath. I can't think of an example. That's not... No, like a... Food that makes you hungry. No, no, no. From the Alanis Morissette song, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

It's like rain. It's like a ketchup that tastes like a mustard. Did you... You know how a few weeks ago we were talking about that someone... There was an Ice-T song? Ice Cube? Sorry, Ice Cube song about a good day.

Yep. And someone pinpointed, someone went back and looked at lines from the song and tried to discover what day in history that song was. Right, that was a young Caitlin Fontana, author of Fresher 20. She told us about that. Yes. Yeah, author of fresher 20 she told us about yes yeah i was just saying who told us about uh well i saw an article that was someone trying to find out uh the day that alanis morris the movie that alanis morris set uh went down on dave coulier in a theater oh did they pinpoint it i think it was body of evidence. Oh, weird. No, that's... Really? Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Because they used, like...

They were trying to figure out, like, if Alanis was... Let's assume she was 18 by that point, and they only dated until this time the following year, what movies could it have been that

were so unpopular that you would be in a theater? Empty Enough. I'm sure he didn't have a bag of popcorn on his lap with a hole cut out. But how do you get your head into this bag of popcorn? But people would just think

she was eating it like a horse. Yeah, she would have to be in a horse costume. It would have to be strapped to her head like a feedback. Nobody will ever know that this horse is actually giving me blood. Is this actually a lettuce horse? Horset? Future ex-girlfriend. Oh, gross.

Let's move on to overheards. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which people report their things that they have overheard or overseen in their daily life. We like to start with... Before we get on with overheards! Actually, before we even get on with anything,

in the break, you noticed this as well, but before we started the show today, the movie Corky Romano was on TV, starring Chris Kattan as Detective Corky Romano was on TV starring Chris Kattan as Detective Corky Romano Detective Monkeybone and he

during the quick break we went and got more drinks I'm having a coffee I'm having a beer I was offered nothing we offered you the world we offered to call you on your birthday but instead of having commercials You were offered, we offered you the world. That's true, they did. We offered to call you on your birthday.

Yeah. But instead of having commercials during the breaks in the movie, they played the entire video of the Queen song, We Will Rock You. Yeah, that's weird. That's a weird choice for a broadcaster to forego advertising and instead just play their favorite Queen videos. Yeah. a broadcaster to forgo advertising and instead just play their favorite queen videos yeah uh before we move on to overheards i it's time for my favorite segment celebrity before we go to celebrity birthdays it's time for my favorite segment hulk hogan news which we need to come up with a theme song i think maybe i should just overdub

i am a real american with This is Hulk Hogan News. This is Hulk Hogan News again. Hulk Hogan News. This week, Hulk Hogan in an interview with a UK newspaper called the UK Sun, which sounds made up. Doesn't sound like a real newspaper. I think they're one of those UK newspapers that, uh, calls Michael Jackson, Jacko. Oh yeah,

I think so. And in this, uh, newspaper interview, Hulk Hogan disputes, Hulko, as they call him there, uh,

disputes a claim by a old friend, ultimate warrior. When ultimate warrior said to the press that back in the day, Hulk Hogan and his wife asked the Ultimate Warrior to be in a threesome with them. Hulk Hogan is now denying that claim saying that although the Ultimate Warrior

lived in their coach house for a while and they used to work out together a lot he never invited him to have a threesome with him and his wife. If you could have a threesome if you could have a threesome with any professional wrestler? Dead or alive?

Yes. But then you have to have sex with the dead version of them. Oh, so they're like all corpse-y and stuff. Yeah. Because if I, like, yeah, no, then I wouldn't, then I'd change my answer. I was going to say either Andre the Giant, just for the bragging rights.

Let me tell you guys, he's not that giant. Or Ravishing Rick Rude, because he seems like a delicate lover. Yeah, or Rick the Model Martel. Oh, sure. What about Jake the Snake? Oh, yeah, true. It's all in the name. Well, that's

great Hulk Hogan news. Yeah. Didn't Hulk Hogan's wife publish a book saying that Hulk Hogan was gay? Yeah, that he had sex with Brutus the Barber Beefcake. And probably the Ultimate Warrior. He probably turned down the threesome and said, but I'm interested in just you and I.

Is there anyone out there that's really concerned about what's going on with the Hogans? Graham. This is three weeks in a row of Hulk Hogan news. So, okay. Sex with the Ultimate Warrior. You're gonna get makeup on your face.

It's gonna rub off on you. He's gonna jostle everything in the bedroom before he's gonna knock over all... He's gonna tie you up everything in the bedroom before he's gonna knock over he's gonna tie you up with his weird uh arm uh ties yeah he tie up his muscles yeah and he also down there as well it's all tied up and weird yeah so it'll fall off yeah so there would be a lot of fluorescents all over your nice duvet your sex duvet yeah and his version of 69 is to pile drive-thru into the floor. Yeah. Very grown-up podcast today, but childish.

Yeah. Now, that's great Hulk Hogan news, but now it is time for my favorite segment, Celebrity Birthdays. Still haven't received any feedback on this segment. any feedback on this segment. We are recording this on Saturday, February 11th. And don't forget about that R in February. It sneaks up on you.

Big happy celebrity birthday to werewolf boy Taylor Lautner. He's 20 today. He's a werewolf man now. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's not a pup. Yeah, he's no longer a pup. He's a werewolf man now. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's not a pup. Yeah, yeah, he's no longer a pup.

Not yet a wolf man. Happy birthday to singer Brandy of Brandy and Monica fame. I hope the boy is hers. She's 33 today. We hope you got that boy. Yeah.

Happy birthday to singer Sheryl Crow. Let me guess. Can I guess how old she is? Yes. 47. 50. No! 50.

Are you strong enough to be her man? Tyler Lautner. Yeah, he's strong enough. Big happy birthday to Burt Reynolds. Former Lonnie Anderson squeeze. Burt Reynolds is 76 today. Is it true on his 80th birthday he's going to reissue one of those... Mustaches?

Yeah, his original mustache. He's going to do one of his... Didn't he pose naked for Cosmo? No, I thought it was for Playgirl. I think it was Cosmo. Wow. Because he didn't show his wiener. Oh.

He showed it to everybody on set. Oh, absolutely. Hey, check this out. Look what I can do with this. Flex, flex, flex. It also has a weird mustache. Happy 78th birthday, only two years older than Burt Reynolds, to Tina Louise Ginger from Gilligan's

Island. Huh. Really? Mm-hmm. That doesn't, the timelines don't seem to line up there. She seems like she would be much older than Burt Reynolds, no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She does.

Anyway, and the answer to our celebrity birthday trivia question, This former Friends star is... Ooh, is it Marcel the monkey? Yep. Marcel is 43 today. I don't know. I had a haircut. It's Rachel. Oh, it's Rachel.

Happy birthday to Rachel. Rachel Green. Rachel Green from Friends. Guys overheards. Yeah, overheards. Things overheard in everyday life. We like to Friends. Guys, overheards. Yeah, overheards. Things overheard in everyday life. We like to start with the guests. Okay.

If you would. Sure. Last time you were here, you had one of my favorite overheards ever. Yeah. Where someone mishearing someone else. Yes. Can I just tell that one again? Because I'm really disappointed with the general public

because it's up to them, really, to have some good overheards. No doubt. I have two semi-good overheards, I guess. Don't sell yourself short. Serve them up like they're gold. Okay, so this is gold. So in November, I was ill, and I went to the walk-in clinic because here, if you get sick and call your doctor,

they need at least two weeks' notice to get an appointment. So free health care in Canada, but know when you're going to get sick ahead of time. So I went to the walk-in clinic, and I was waiting, as you do, quite a while. And there was a woman in the office next to mine, and the doctor walked in, and I could kind of hear them talking, and they were talking for about five minutes. And then he opened the door and said, I'll go get the book. And so I thought, well, this is like, she's got something bad, right? So I moved my chair closer to the door. But so the doctor leaves and he comes back with like that thick reference book. And as he goes into the room, I hear him say, did you Google it?

And I thought, our health care system really needs an overhaul. Yeah, you go on WebMD. Yeah. Let me take a picture of that weird growth, and I'm going to upload it. See what people have to say. Let's see if we put it out on Twitter, if I get any feedback. I'm on a doctor message board. Yeah. It got 22 grosses.

You are disgusting. Yeah. It got 22 grosses. You are disgusting. Yeah. So then I just Googled my own symptoms and left. Yeah, I always Google my own symptoms. I do too, but then I get carried away and I'm convinced I'm dying. Yeah, that's true. I thought when the guy was coming back with the big reference book that he was going to do that thing where somebody has a lump or whatever. And he bangs it.

And they bang it with the book. I thought he was going to do some old-timey doctor. Hold this on your head. I want to check if you have model posture. Pretty great. Well, how about we go around and then we come back for the second one. Okay. Deal.

Dave? Well, how about we go around and then we come back for the second one Okay Deal Dave This is one that actually Abby, my beautiful darling wife, overheard I was right next to her but I didn't hear it You never listen, Dave That's true

My upstairs neighbors, they have two kids And they're two boys that are like five and eight Going on 14. Hmm. What? Stay away from those kids. They yeah, so Abby heard the younger one of the, or no, the

older of the two, the eight-year-old saying, um, I'm never gonna share or do anything with you ever again. And the five-year-old went, but we're best buddies. Overruled, you're on. Yeah, don't you remember how close we are? Yeah, we're best buddies.

You're totally breaking the code. As the youngest child, I can totally relate to that. I'm not annoying. We're best friends. We're having fun. Great. Mine is an overseen. It's my favorite style of overseen.

It's a graffito overseen. I have never had a phone that's been able to like take proper pictures until now so i actually took a picture of it and it was on the bus and it's um in canada all over canada there's a government ad that shows people like how to cough into the the yeah the dracula crook of their arm. Yeah, the Dracula cough. The Drax. Yeah. You know, to stop spreading the flu or whatever. And the slogan says, protect yourself and others from the flu.

And it has a picture of the man coughing into the crook of his arm. And by the man, you mean... The man. The man. The Drax. And somebody has graffitied this so that it says, protect yourself and others from the flute.

And there's a picture of a flute in the man's hand. It looks like he's covering up his mouth and holding out a flute. Keep that away from me. Keep that arm's length. Pretty good, graffitiers. Well done. Pretty good. And then you have another one.

Well, this, okay, I don't even know if this technically fits into Overheard, because it was whilst I was listening to your podcast, and something Graham said, I was getting off the Skytrain, and you were talking about how you gave away your Skytrain tickets when you got off the Skytrain. Yeah. So I'm listening and enjoying the podcast as I do. And I get off the SkyTrain. And I give away.

Like, as you. I'm like, I'm going to do that. And so I see someone. I give it to them. And then I get out of the SkyTrain and realize I still have a bus to take. And I was like, oh, crap. Yeah. A good deed is a tough job. And I was like, oh, crap! Yeah, exactly. A good deed is its own goal.

Yeah, they discourage that. There's actually places, like, they tell you to put them in these special disposal things. So you don't give them to someone. And also that in no way was an overhurt. No. No, but it was a tale well spun. Yeah. Yeah, I don't understand why, like what's going to happen to them when you put them in the slot?

They're just going to, they're going to pulp them? What are they going to do with them? It's just so people can't sell them too, which I don't like when people try to sell them to me. But I like giving them away at the airport because it's a lot of money. It's like an extra five bucks if you don't know the prepaid ticket. No, it's... Yeah, you should be able to give them away.

I know they say they're not transferable, but they're... They're so dumb. Come on, TransLink. Trying to hold us down with their rules. And also, less smelly people. Yeah, right? Everybody, take a

bath at the showers now we also have overheard sent in from around the world if you want to be a person who sends in an overheard you can send it in to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com what are you laughing at I just pictured someone sending in an overheard

in a language that none of us could understand this first one comes from someone sending in an overheard in a language that none of us could understand. This first one comes from Daniel H. I am a music teacher in Seattle. In one of my beginning band classes today, I overheard a fourth grader say, Oh man, this song is so easy. It's like a delicious piece of cake What a great twist on the old

Piece of cake It's also a piece of cake or it's easy as pie But he like mixed them together A delicious piece of cake I don't get either of those expressions That's a real piece of cake I accept them as For what they are

But I don't understand the meaning of... Pie is hard to make. What about piece of ass? That's a weird... What about playing grab ass? What are the rules? Do you know what I mean? Piece of ass sounds like a shrapnel or something.

Something has gone wrong with the ass. Or like Sylvester will put on a sylvester the cat will put on a handkerchief and bring out a knife and fork and just imagine himself carving up a piece of tweety's ass um okay here's another one this is a uh this is this is a long there's a lot of words in this one so you know grab a cup of sleepy time tea in your favorite cup

gather your you know sit next to a loved one this one is from Mark B this is from Toronto my girlfriend and I were over at her sister and brother-in-law's last night for our weekly visit slash sibling meal. See this is

why this is so long because there's so many words added in. Anyways they're at a weekly visit and we started talking about attractive celebrities. My girlfriend's brother-in-law keeps several lists on his Blackberry, all of them top ten. The lists range from your basic top ten movies

to the mundane top ten places to eat in Kingston. That is mundane. Blackberry people. They're a different breed, right? They call messages BBMs. They call bowel movements tweets. Anyway, I forgot how, but the conversation spirals out of control and we end up discussing in particular celebrities that were once super attractive but have since become fat

uh someone says nicole egert i didn't know who that was someone says she was on baywatch still no recall from me so out So out comes the mobile devices. Brother-in-law on his Blackberry. Girlfriend is on the iPad. I'm on my iPhone. All of us searching Nicole Eggert. The iPad chimes in first with a huge spread of results. We're all crowded around looking at the little thumbnails,

and a hand comes over my shoulder to point at one of the images. There she is, says my girlfriend's sister. Brother-in-law, upon closer and more more accurate inspection Nope, that's Kevin Federline. That is closer inspection. Yeah, in a thumbnail. Almost identical. Nicole Eggert would be more remembered from Charles

in Charge, I think, than In My Heart. Yeah, than Baywatch. Wasn't she a porno star? I think she did soft porn movies with Corey Haim or something. Yeah, that seems right. It might have been Feldman. They were... Well, yeah.

Anyway, there was a movie where she showed her boobs. It may have been called Blown Away. But it wasn't the... The one where Kurt Russell? Jeff Daniels? Jeff Fredges? I forget. I never saw it.

I saw Speed instead. With Jeff Daniels. That, I like the idea that he keeps a list of top ten movies on his phone and maybe adjusts them every week. Oh, this week... Oh, I saw A Walk to Remember. Yeah, so, so long, Godfather Part 2. Yeah, because you have to keep the list balanced. Mm-hmm. Yeah. For every new Nicole Haggard movie that comes out. This last one comes from Laura.

Part's unknown. I was at a bookstore the other day when I heard a male voice in a delightfully thick Southern accent say, it's not Snooki. Wait, that's not Southern. I don't know how to do it. That's Southern. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do a Southern accent. It's not Snooki, but it rhymes with Snooki. There.

Was that a Southern accent I did? Yeah, it was good. That was pretty good. What would he be talking about? A bookie. Like, because he's in a bookstore. And in Southern states, they call books bookies. Right? Is that no? Maybe he was trying to buy russell brand's bookie bookie work uh what else rhymes with quick five things rhyme with snooki and

everything that rhymes with snooki yeah is a more like familiar word than snooki but cookie i think would be it right that's the only thing that is a word that rhymes with Snooki. But who doesn't know what cookie is but knows who Snooki is? It's like the Snooki of the year, but it sounds like that. Anyway. Snooki's by George. Why did I get that response? What?

Like maybe ten people in the world know what Cookies by George is. I think every Canadian knows what Cookies by George is. No, it's not a chain. Yeah, it is a chain. What? Yeah, my friend's dad owned one in Calgary. Apology accepted. It's not like I made reference to like Myrtle's pierogi house or something

I thought you did there was one cookies by George on the west end and now and it closed and now there's one in

Pacific Center Mall no no no Bent Hall Bent Hall or like right by the sky train yeah and what is it they just sell giant cookies there

not giant just regular sized cookies oh I thought that they sold the big ones but they're really expensive that's their whole business they're just big ones. But they're really expensive. That's their whole business. They're just like regular cookies, but they're really expensive. You like Oreos? We got $40 Oreos.

When the one on Denman Street, nobody was ever in there, and I have You know this. What would people be doing just hanging out? You know this from working with me. I become obsessed with how things stay in business. And I'm constantly, I'll walk by a place and I'm like, I just don't understand how they can sell enough blank.

So I was always saying to Jay, I just don't understand how they stay in business. People can't be buying that many cookies. And then one day they went out of business and I was so happy. Vindicated. I texted Jay and I was like, I told you, Cookies by George.

Meanwhile, this poor family's dream is... Yeah, the George family. And he texted back, this phone is for emergencies. Happy birthday. Call me from a secure line. I just want to say, if Nicole Eggert is listening, I think you look wonderful. Yeah, me too. Maybe lay off the Cookies by George.

Okay, in addition to overheards that have been written in at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com, we also get overheards that are called in, and if you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. And my upstairs neighbors are vacuuming, and I hope the microphone's not picking it up. Hey guys, it's Andy from Akronron ohio calling with an overheard um i was just going to five below not sure if you have that store in canada but anyway there was a mother with two daughters coming out one was probably about four the other maybe six and uh they were walking out with what they just purchased they were really excited and the mother said all right well let's go to the library and then the six-year-old said, and she stopped,

and she said, did you just read my mind? As soon as they said five below, and this will just show, like, where you're at when you're in the middle of winter, I assumed it was, a cold like you know sleeping bags and down jackets but it's probably for kids five and below is that right i i've never heard of it myself yeah so what the fuck is this story it's for for kids in the arctic oh like young below five yeah the top five below five in a below five atmosphere. Yeah. Right? Yeah. The Forbes below 500.

Yeah. Yeah. It's extraneous details. Because then I get hung up on what is, you know, five below. What was it called? Below five. Five below. If only there was a little machine we could look it up on.

Well, it's not important. But I like that that kid was so excited about the library. Yeah, and mind reading. I'm surprised that there's any kids out there that... Do kids still go to the library? Yeah, to rent DVDs. To rent DVDs and thumb drives. Yeah, to use the internet and the bathroom and rent DVDs.

It's the same reason everyone goes to the library. Dirty old men looking at adult sites at the library. Your feelings on it, go. Does it happen? Yes. How do the libraries not block it? Oh, I have to think. An old man can find anything.

An old picture of Nicole Eggert is as pornorific as an actual porn site. But for an old... Old men don't know, like, where to go. Old men would go to, like... I think they pass information around, like... But they would be like... Trainyard hobos. Like, oh, I'm going to look at Playboys on the internet.

That's all old men know. That's all the old pornography that existed. Do you think that any libraries have... You know how they have past issues of newspapers and magazines? Maybe some vintage Playboys. Playboys on microfiche? Yeah. Because that seems like

something a really old dude would get into. Can I make photocopies? He just goes in with a pocket full of dimes. Right? Because that's what, is that how much it is

to photocopy something in the library? Can you imagine if, like, this is my level of survivalism. If you didn't have a computer or access to a printer and you had to do everything in the library. That seems like Survivorman in my... Sounds like a challenge. Yeah, right? Yeah, like a Morgan Spurlock movie.

My week without a computer. Yeah. Trying to find a sum of it all. But a lot of things to print. Yeah. Is that a book? Somebody's probably turned that into a blog. My Life Without a Computer.

Just a blank one. Yeah, postcards. Pretty great. Pretty good. Next call. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Nick calling from Baltimore, Maryland with an overheard. I was just at the grocery store, and it's near Valentine's Day, so at the end of one of the aisles, there's a display of giant cartoon-sized Hershey bars.

There's this guy loading them into his cart, just shoveling them one after another, and every time he loads one into his cart, he's going, mm-hmm, yep, yep, there it is, mm-hmm, yep. Once he finally loads the last Hershey bar into his cart, he looks up to see if anyone's looking at him, realizes that no one is, but still decides to say, Gotta get down with the brown. Thanks, guys.

What? Gross. Is that a slogan? It sounds like a slogan for adult activities. What is a cartoon-sized chocolate bar? I'm imagining drywall. What is a cartoon-sized chocolate bar? I'm imagining, like, drywall.

Like... Yeah. Okay. Or, like, the size... No, not that big, but, like, the size of a... VCR. Or, like, a board game. Okay. Yeah, like, too big to put in a pocket, unless you had a cartoon pocket.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think down with the brown is a thing that creeps say when they're at the library. Working on their blog. Yeah, is it under D for Down with the Brown or D just under the Brown section? Well, it's under H. It's written by Hershey. Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System? I don't really. Is it by name and then by number?

I wonder. How does it work? No, I think it's by subject, isn by number? I wonder. How does it work? No, I think it's by subject, isn't it? It's a combo. Tell us more. The Dewey Decimal System. I don't remember a lot about it. It's something to do with the first three letters of their last name.

And then the numbers have something to do with the subject. It's like finding out your porn star name. You're like, the first three letters of their last name, and then the numbers have something to do with the subject. It's like finding out your porn star name. You take the first three letters of the subject. The street you grew up on. Yeah, your mother's maiden middle name. And the first girl you had sex with. Your childhood pet. And then you end up with a book about black holes.

You've got to get down with the black holes. Final overheard call. Hey guys, it's Becca in Houston calling in with an overheard. I was at the grocery store and I heard a guy say to his girlfriend, worst case scenario, we end up spending the night in a haunted hotel room.

I think that's the best case scenario in any given hotel room i'm pro haunted hotels you uh no no no dave you don't believe in haunting things i know i don't uh but i think that is the worst case scenario in most situations um like even if you're not looking for a place to stay if it's like oh whoops we ended up in a haunted hotel what is the thing that usually comes before staying in a haunted

place somebody's died and in their will they've left you a bunch of money but you have to spend a night in a haunted hotel so she's saying the worst case scenario is we have to spend a night in a haunted hotel but we still get the million dollars. Right.

But yeah, an implied death of a distant relative. I assume. Why else would you stay in a haunted hotel? Have you seen the John Cusack movie where he's a... It's 1408, it's called. Yeah, where they advertised that it was a John Cusack Samuel L. Jackson vehicle where Samuel L. Jackson is in it for two minutes as the guy at the front desk. I was saying, you better not stay in that room.

It's the most haunted room. I don't even know if he was on set for a full day to shoot that. I think maybe it was he was on the same lot. He brought the set to his house. He was in his pajamas the whole time. He was actually lying down, but they made the set look like the floor.

Yeah, they flipped the camera sideways. The floor looked like the wall. That movie, John Cusack is this guy who writes about haunted hotels, and he's so jaded. He's the most famous guy writing about haunted hotels, and he's so jaded. Like, he hates... He's the most famous guy writing about haunted hotels, and he hates it. If you were the only guy writing about haunted hotels, that would, by default, make you the most famous guy writing about haunted hotels.

I think he may have been the only guy. And then he stays in this one that's really haunted. Super haunted, yeah. But every hotel review he does is like, this isn't very haunted, this is amateur. Yeah, exactly. He's like a food critic who's too picky and then he goes to

a place and the food is so spicy. And it kills him. Exactly. They're warning him against ordering it. Don't order that. It's dangerous. Yeah, it's Samuel Jackson, again in his pajamas. Wearing a chef hat. Sir, you mustn't.

Well, yeah, those were some great overheards. If you want to send them in, stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. Now, Erica, the last time you were on the show, I think it was the last time or maybe the time before, you had a project on the go that you had started, and I think it's still going to this date, where you were asking people to send postcards to a gas station. I can't remember where. In Davidson, Saskatchewan. Tell the story for people who haven't heard your last appearance.

Okay. So driving between Saskatoon andina um which are the two big cities in canada in canada in saskatchewan uh we stopped at a gas station at the exact halfway point in this little town of 900 people and we asked the gas station lady a couple questions about regina and she got really mad at us and said I don't go to Regina every time we said that so the other comic started messing with her and like I literally thought she was going to kill us um she was so mad so when I got to Regina I mailed her a postcard uh from Regina and then decided to start mailing her postcards from wherever I went um and I don't

know if this had happened but the comic went back through that town and all my postcards are hanging on the wall. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I think on the last podcast, you had put it out there. Like, do you still have the. I don't think I did. I think I told you this story outside.

Outside. Podcast realm. And I said, I want to ask the bumpers. Yes. From wherever you are in the world to mail this. And I never say who I am. i'd write it like i know them i'm like just thinking of you here on the beach in tofino so and then i draw a little stick girl and write es and i think my hope was that somebody would decide to csi it and figure out who i was by tracking my movements, like a la Alanis Morissette. They were going to ESI it.

Yeah. Well done. So, yeah, I wanted to ask the bumpers to send a postcard. Now, do you have the address? Do you remember what the address is? I do. And they don't even have a, like, it's like you just send it to the town. Yeah.

Care of the mayor. Yeah. Of Davidson, Saskatchewan care of tremors that's what I imagine every small town fighting off giant worms in the ground yes speaking of small town monster movies

I saw Super 8 on the plane coming back from Ottawa stinkaroo that was supposed to be the movie of the summer, I thought. Have you seen Cowboys and Aliens? Nope, that's true. I started watching that

on a plane and I was like, I don't have to put myself through this. I'm not Daniel Craig's dad. Oh, we loved it! What is Super 8? What one is that? I thought it was going to be a monster movie. Yeah, these kids witness a train wreck involving aliens.

Yeah, it's stand by me with an alien in the last five minutes. The first hour or so is kind of compelling with the kids. Yeah, and the second hour is the exact opposite. Don't get me started on the third and fourth hours. Long flight. So do you have the address of this place? Davidson,

Saskatchewan? Davidson, Saskatchewan, yes. And it is simply Highway 11 West. Next line, Davidson, Saskatchewan. You can shorten that to just SK. Canada Post will know what that is. Canada.

Postal code S0G1A0. So the gas station doesn't even have a name? It's the Davidson Tempo. Oh, Davidson Tempo. Yeah. And just remember, sign it with a stick figure that says ES. A stick girl with boobies in it. That's true.

Boobies in a dress. With boobies in it from all over. And a Sunday hat. Now, Erica, you're out. You're traveling. You're booking shows. Where can people go to find out more? If they want to see you, they want to learn more about you, where should they go?

They can go to ericasigerton.com. They can go to find out more if they want to they want to see you they want to learn more about you where should they go they can go to erica sigerton.com uh they can go to wikipedia they will find nothing because i don't have anything on wikipedia um yeah erica sigerton.com is probably the best one do you have any shows coming up that you want to plug um i do have shows in April I'm doing a little mini tour of theaters through the Okanagan you like Nelson Caslow

Roslyn Revelstoke and Kelowna we got listeners in all of them places yes so ericasigurdson.com

to find out where you're gonna be and when exactly awesome no I don't say when I just say where and I leave I don't spoon feed I don't spoon feed yeah you're going to be in when. Exactly. Awesome. No, I don't say when. I just say when. And I leave you.

I don't spoon feed. I don't spoon feed. Yeah, you're going to want it. She mentioned Wikipedia. I think someone sent in something, or maybe I found it somehow, a list of famous people from Calgary. You were on the Calgary page. There was a list of famous people from Calgary with your name on it misspelled.

Oh, yeah. I bet you not only misspelled, I bet you it links to the famous jazz violinist. Oh, maybe. People are always getting us mixed up. Dave, do you have anything that you need to plug? What am I doing this week? This Wednesday, the 15th, I'm not in a show, but I'm going to go see Super Ego featuring Paul F. Tompkins at the Rio Theatre in Vancouver. So there's that.

That sounds great. Yeah, I think on the 18th, I am in a show at the Vancouver East Cultural Center called Giants. Yep. I don't know anything about that. Oh, it's a lot of fee, FIFO plumbing. Um, it's an homage.

And then, uh, we will be in Toronto on March 3rd. Uh, tickets are still sold out. And, uh, coming up in February,

February 27th at the Havana theater, uh, the laugh gallery, uh, the second laugh gallery show will be happening there. Tickets at the door. And that's February 27th, the Monday at 8.30 p.m. And if you are new to the podcast, if you've never been to MaximumFun.org, I encourage you to go.

You should go and check out Dave Does a blog every week that accompanies the podcast that has pictures and videos. Nicole Eggert will be on there. Uh, probably enough featuring Jennifer Lopez. Haircuts. Um, and check out,

uh, all the fellow podcasts that are there. You have your, my brother, my brother and me, uh, the bullseye featuring the Jesse Thorne. Not ugh.

Ugh, your article. Yeah. Jordan Jesse Go, Judge John Hodgman, all great. All wonderful and diverse podcasts. Check them out. And by diverse, you mean done by white people. White men.

Different white men, though. Different problems. More white,, though. Different problems. More white, more problems. That's what we say. And if you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. I'm Jesse Thorne. Bullseye is all about discovering the good stuff in culture that will do nothing less than change your life.

You know, I'd never heard anything like it before. It'd be like seeing a new color, which I guess is music's, like, biggest asset, is that you can hear new sounds. I'll be like seeing a new color which i guess is music's like biggest asset is that you can hear new sounds i'll probably never see a new color i'll probably never experience like a new crazy taste but i'll hear new sounds constantly culture picks comedy and in-depth interviews it's the good stuff and just the good stuff in popular culture every week on