Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 205 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: February 20, 2012

Comedian Paul F. Tompkins returns to talk about TV, wigs, and one of Graham's Klassic Krazies.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 205 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who has held many mashes, but never once a monster mash, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I've held a, oh, like, what other kind of mashes are there?

Creature mash. Sure, there's a mobile assault hospital. Ghoul mash. Ghoul mash. There's potato Hospital. Ghoul mash. Ghoul mash. There's potato mash. Gobble mash. Yeah, gobble mash. Phantom mash.

Yam fries. Yam fries. Polter mash. Polter mash. Why are you talking only to him and not me? Because it's fun. Secrets are fun. Hi, guys.

It's great to be here. Dave Shumka. Dave Shumka. Dave Shumka. And our guest today, already participating on all sorts of different types of monster mashes that you can have. Very funny gentleman, the host of the Pod F TomCast, and also the Dead Authors podcast, which is in benefit of 826 LA. Is that correct? That is correct. Our guest, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Aftermash.

Oh, Aftermash. Hi, guys. You don't mind me stealing your signature catchphrase, Dave? Aftermash. Of Hi Guys. Aftermash Hi Guys. Hi, guys. Hi, guys.

Hi, guys. It's so great that we're all back together again. Guys, thank you for asking me and not making me pitch myself as a guest. Oh, man. You know, we're all adults here. It was quite a rut where I kept pitching myself as a guest. Well, we were actually, there was a bit of consternation. You were on the show like

three months ago. We don't usually have that much. Ooh, is this the fastest return appearance? No. No. I think Jane Stanton may have been on episodes four and seven. Yeah, yeah. Ooh. And seven of nine. Wait. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. Has my voice improved or gotten worse you something i think you're a little timid on that

yeah i was i didn't know i was gonna sing it i think you're holding back you didn't know when you woke up this morning you were gonna sing it i did not prepare i did oh wow yeah i engineered this moment wow you're're like Nicolas Cage in that psychic movie. Probably. What was that movie called? The Knowings? Ah, yes. Oh, I hope that's the name. The two have known. The Knowings. Who knewed it? Now, Paul.

Yes. Hello. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. A hearty hi, guys to everyone. Welcome to our series. Hi, guys, to you. Of course. It'sy hi guys to everyone. Welcome to our- Yes, hi guys to you. Of course. It's hi guys season. We are recording this on Valentine's Day. I know, probably.

Yes. Is it the most or least romantic day of the year? I certainly saw the most flowers. Yeah, no doubt. And you guys are both married men. Oh, that's true. Yeah. So you, did you have an early in the day Valentine's celebration before you flew here?

A nooner. A nooner. Some afternoon delight. No, my wife and I don't really care about Valentine's Day at all. That's smart. We don't do anything. I mean, it's like I could probably bring her a box of chocolate or some flower or flowers or something throw them out the door she wouldn't throw them

out the door but she's not expecting them right you know or is she secretly telling all of course that's what i think about yeah no you know what i don't think she would i don't think it would be a thing where she would tell her girlfriends. I think she would just be by herself secretly. She might think, oh, I wish she would make some effort. But we're, I don't know, we're too old for that nonsense. What about those old guys that buy flowers every day for their dead wives? Oh.

Well, they're in denial. Yeah, and I just made that guy up. That's not a thing that happens. An old guy that buys flowers every day. Yeah, he needs to proceed to bargaining and then to acceptance. Where's flower buying? Flower buying is denial?

Yes. If you're buying flowers every day for someone who is dead, they can't appreciate those flowers. Are you still making breakfast for two when you wake up in the morning? Man, this is sad, this guy made up. He's making two breakfasts. Yeah. And then he sits down and just dumps one in the garbage.

Or he's eating two breakfasts. He's getting really fat. I hope it's just grapefruit. Let me finish that for you. I hope it's like a breakfast that's so low maintenance. When it squirts grapefruit juice across the table, does he apologize? Oops, sorry. Got your eye. Like, sorry, got in your eye.

And he remembers, like, oh, I'm so sorry. Oh. He's always catching himself. Yeah. He's constantly forgetting nobody's there. And then constantly being reminded of it. Yeah. Oh, I gotta go.

I'm gonna go meet my boy. Oh. The old ballin'. Oh. That's right, he also hates her yeah his wife he can't stay he despises her and yet he keeps forgetting that she's dead i can't wait till she dies oh that's nice yeah yeah that's we turn this around into a happy story. This guy's great. Yeah, this guy is great.

He's a Mr. Furley. No, not Mr. Furley. Who is the one that was... Roper. Roper. Mr. Roper. Be kind to the Ropers today, cause we all know it's their anniversary. More.

More of that song. What if it was the Ropers anniversary? You know, you know those nerds You guys were just talking about this The nerds that pinpointed Ice Cube's good day Can't some nerds pinpoint When the Ropers anniversary is From that famous song

It must have been mentioned It must have been mentioned on the show Right It must have been a plot point Or at least one of the have been a plot point. Or at least one of the spinoffs. The Ropers, let's say. Were there other spinoffs for Three's a Crowd?

Larry? What was the Jeffy Tambor one? Was that a spinoff on that? Well, he was on The Ropers. Okay. Yes. He was the annoying neighbor on The Ropers. Or was he the annoying neighbor?

The Ropers were the annoying neighbors. Was he on Three's a Crowd? Was Three's a Crowd a show? Three's Company morphed into Three's a Crowd when Jack got married. When people got tired of it. Yes. And they're like, let's just go with the actual expression. There was a show that followed Three's Company that didn't have Jack Tripper on it? No, no, no.

It was Jack Tripper married, and it was Jack Tripper's adventures, or lack of adventures, as a married man dealing with a father-in-law who did not like him. But he pretended to be gay married. Yeah. Yeah, they lost that thread. On the prequel, Tootatango. This was the show that introduced Proppy. And the prequel, prequel, one is the loneliest number. Oh.

One is the loneliest number. To the loneliest number Two to tango Three's company Three's a crowd Connect four The quints Pretty sneaky sis Wow I didn't know that that show existed That's what's really funny

But it didn't It wasn't a Three's company became that show Yeah. That's what's really funny. Yeah. But it didn't, it wasn't a, it sort of just, Three's Company became that show. Yeah. After Three's. Like they, yeah, they just slowly, people dropped out of the show. And then all of a sudden it's like, we got to change the name. There's no company anymore.

Joyce DeWitt owns the name Three's Company. I'll go, but you're not, you can't have the name. Yeah. In lieu of pay, I want the name Three's Company. I'll go, but you can't have the name. In lieu of pay, I want to own Three's Company. I heard that she just reunited with Suzanne Somers. Feels so good. They hadn't spoken. Well, they hadn't spoken in many, many years. And Suzanne Somers has some web-only show?

Of course Like Brian Daryl Hall's show What's his show? He's got a show that's now, it was a web only show Now it's on TV It's the next Die Hard It's Mobisodes

Mobisodes Oh my god It's in the weird There was a few years ago There was a Brian McKnight Variety hour Brian McKnight being like the poor man's R. Kelly But a rich man's

Daryl Hall Now Daryl Hall I think has filled that slot And is live from Daryl's house. And it's just him jamming with his friends. Of Hall and Oates. Other boring people? Oates. He comes over. GE Smith. I think he's

passed on. No. I think Mr. Smith has passed on. Of GE Smith on the Saturday Night Live? Yeah. We'll pour out a ponytail. No, I think of Cancer. Oh. Pretty good. Pretty good Cats on the Saturday Night Live. Yeah, we'll pour out a ponytail. No, I think of cancer. Oh. He didn't talk. Pretty good.

That's pretty good cat skills shtick. That's the classic stuff. This podcast is free, right? Yes. Okay, all right. I feel fine about myself. So you should. I mean, we have donors.

Of course. Donors. This is a very exalted term. So what's happening? You're doing a bunch of things. I know you're doing a bunch of things. You're getting to know me. I'm trying to get to know you.

You're putting me in the get to know you seat. And it's hot. Listen, things are good. I'm happy to be back in your lovely city of Vancouver. We're glad to have you. Which I enjoy. Now, neither one of you is from Vancouver, is that correct? I am very much from here.

You're from Vancouver. Yeah. You're a Vancouverite? Yep. Is that the correct term? Yes. You're from a weird place. Yeah.

Calgary. Calgary. I'm a Calgarian. A Calgarian. Yeah. Isn't there another weird way, you know, like people from Glasgow or Glaswegians? There's Halifax. Halifax is Haligonians.

Yes, that's what I'm thinking of. So I'm happy to be back. Yeah, it's fun. Doing this superego show. I don't know when this is going to be. This will come out after the superego show. Well, it was a great time. Yeah.

Right. You guys killed. I got two for one tickets. Thank you again for, I heard you plug the show on the last episode. That was very nice of you. Uh, well we heard,

I noticed that it had moved to a much larger venue. So I was like, let's get some butts in seats. Yeah. I'm going to be plugging the shit out of this thing. I mean, people are going to be mad on Twitter. Yeah, people are always mad on Twitter. You know what? You're right, Graham.

It's crazy. The internet is so many angry people all the time just venting. Can I ask you guys a serious question? Suck it to us. Is the internet worth it? If the internet was more like Encarta was, Encarta seemed to be like it was a blueprint for what the internet could be. Is this a Settlers of Catan thing?

No, Encarta was an encyclopedia. Yeah, a CD thing that you put on your computer. I sort of remember that. I had Grolier's Encyclopedia for pale kids. What, Grolier's? Maybe Grolier. Ooh. For pale kids. With Groliers? Maybe Grolier. Ooh! Oh!

With you, Grolier! I think it predated Encarta. So, I'm just saying. But Encarta was a series of discs. Yeah, that had... It was an encyclopedia. So, if you want... It was a series of discs.

So, if you wanted to look up something from, you know, H through J handjobs, you had to put in a different disc. Yes. No. Like real encyclopedias, it was that inconvenient. You had to pull something off the shelf. It's more inconvenient. It's true. Wait for it to load. Yeah, encyclopediaias, it was that inconvenient. You had to pull something off the shelf. It's more inconvenient. Wait for it to load.

Yeah, encyclopedia is just a book. That you just open up to the page. You want H, head jobs, J, jobs, C, head jobs. You can then wait for things to appear on it, on the pages. Oh, but imagine such a magical book. Straight out of Harry Potter and his friends. That was the eighth book. It was, out of Harry Potter and His Friends. That was the eighth book. It was, right?

Harry Potter and His Friends? It was the variety show that followed the movies. After Hogwarts. That was the one where Harry Potter was like, he didn't feel like doing it so much anymore, so he was barely in it. It was like special appearance by Harry Potter. He does some narration at the beginning.

I'm not in this story very much, because I'm on holiday. Harry Potter. He does some narration at the beginning. Yeah. I'm not in this story very much because I'm on holiday. Harry Potter presents. It was all the friends talking about magic and going to big box stores and shopping. A lot of it was cartoons. Yeah, they had to fill in. Harry Potter would throw to a cartoon.

Now here's a cartoon about some magic friends of mine. Let's check in with Treasure Island. Yeah, it's old Heckle and Jekyll cartoons. Heckle and Jekyll. Did anyone enjoy them? Even the animators were like, when they say the last World War I veteran died,

the last person that enjoyed Heckle and Jekyll just passed away. It's a picture of them in front of a poster of Heckle and Jekyll? What would they have? Stuffed Heckle and jekyll just passed away it's a picture of them in front of a poster of heckle and jekyll what would they have stuff heckled and jekyll i've heard the name heckle and jekyll and i've heard it like a uh uh like an insult like get a lot of heckle and jekyll over here yeah yeah yeah i don't know what heckle and jekyll is they were our crows i want to say they were magpies oh magpies yeah i could be wrong was it yeah. I could be wrong. Was it racist? No, those are the ones from Dumbo. You know, Dumbo ones are really racist. Super racist.

Oof. Oof. And that movie still is one that they, like, reissue and are still showing to kids. They'll take it out of the vault and open it again. They're going to make 3D racist magpies. Oh, yeah. There's going to be a short before Dumbo just called Racist Magpies. Oh, yeah. There's going to be a short before Dumbo just called

racist magpies. And it's just the expletive. But it's misleading, because you think the magpies are going to be racist, not that they are representations of a racist stereotype. They're going to sit around and talk about races of magpies that they hate. Yeah, other birds

that they think are inferior. Blue Jays. Yeah, not very good drivers. My mother used to say Blue Jays were mean birds because they steal from the other birds. A lot of birds do that. Crows do that. They're dumb birds. Of course they steal from each other.

Mom. They're idiots. Their brains are the size of the food that they eat. They won't ever rise up. Oh, you could say that about humans sometimes. But we cut it up. Oh, that's true. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, if you eat something as big as your brain, you're taking a knife and fork and eating that a piece at a time. Birds eating seeds. They're dumb. They are dumb. I don't care if birds are listening to this show. We have a few bird listeners.

Some stereotypes are true. That's true. There wouldn't be stereotypes otherwise. Are there a lot of comedians that use that trope? A lot of stereotypes are true. So that's why I can talk about it. Not just comedians. Oh, boy.

It would be nice if it was limited to just comedians. Who are just lazy in their joke telling. But no, it's most people say things like that. The stereotypes have to come from somewhere. Oh, you mean from your imagination? I heard a great answer to that. There's a, we were off air. Yeah.

We were talking about Tumblr. Which I think is the way it's pronounced, right? You actually over-pronounce the R. Tumblr. Oh, I thought it was Tumblr. No, no, no. Because there's no E, the R gets... Tumblr. There's a blog on Tumblr called

Yo, Is This Racist? which I greatly enjoy. And it's this guy who will just answer people who say, hey, I saw this TV commercial. Is it racist? and i'll be like yeah that's racist as shit like he curses like crazy and so uh somebody wrote in and said well you know stereotypes what do i say when somebody says uh you know stereotypes come from somewhere and he said yeah tell them uh stereotypes come from somewhere and he said, yeah, tell them stereotypes come from racist

assholes. It's like, well, there you go. That's a great answer. Yeah, like it's not like oh, you know, it's out in the ether. You have to, what are you going to not say? It's got to be true, otherwise people wouldn't be saying it. It's the most insane

argument. Well, look, I said it, so it's got to be a truth. Yeah. I remember at some point saying a thing that I noticed that happened once. Look, I wouldn't have wanted to say it if I didn't say it. Oh, man. I would join in, but some of my best friends are racists. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around.

All this anti-racism talk. It's like a Twilight Zone. You really turn it around on me. I'm the monster, it turns out. Oh, it's every Twilight Zone? Yeah, exactly. In a world of persecuted racists. This is like every Twilight Zone.

Now, Paul Talkies, you're on television. I see you on television all the time. All the time. I saw you on a promo for The Talking Dead. You're a guest on The Talking Dead. I was a guest on The Talking Dead. That's true. Is The Walking Dead back up and running and walking?

It got back up and running this past week. And I didn't see it. I missed it. I did. And is it getting back into the groove? I like that show. I'm one of the people that has liked it the whole time. I never felt that it dropped off in quality or that it got slow.

You've always been a fan. I've always been a fan. Now, here's where they lost me officially. And I may have talked about this. This is official. Did you send them the proclamation? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I had somebody send it for me.

I know, of course. But you had it made into a scroll. You had your wax seal fixed to it. Wax seal mixed with some of my blood, some of my father's blood from the jar that I have. No, of course. Everybody knows it's official. So you had your herald take this to the producers and trumpeted in their face yes first thing in the morning and everyone was like oh no here it comes um who is it this time but i said uh during the second

season the whole thing and spoiler alert if you haven't seen season two that you can turn it off and go two minutes into the future uh i figured this will only take two minutes time machine yeah what will things be like then everything's falling apart we finally have clear skulls and telepathic powers. A la Indiana Jones? Sure. Yeah, okay. The whole season two, when they're out in the... Meadow. Yeah, they're out in the meadows. Frolicking. There's kind of an overarching thing that they can't use guns because it will attract... The sound will attract zombies.

And so there's a lot of use of a crossbow and a lot of very close calls because people have had their guns taken away, et cetera, et cetera. Yes. So there, and then there's one scene in either the second to last episode before they took a break where the guy, the cop guy, not the, they go and teach everybody how to shoot guns and they just go out in a field and fire off every gun that they have. That made me very anxious. Well, I was like, but what?

But then it didn't, there were no zombies showed up after that. But look. All I'm saying is it really lost me that all of a sudden they weren't worried about the guns. I understand. And nobody even said, what about our gun rule? And then, you know, the guy, like, explains it away.

We decided, we voted it down. But I feel like part of the gun rule was, it depended where they were. Everything in moderation, including moderation. Exactly. Right? When they were out...

See, if one character had said that, I would have let it go. When they were... When they were out looking for the little girl, they were very careful not to use guns because of the area where they were. But when they were at the farmhouse, the guy had a rule about using guns,

the guy whose house it was. Because he was in love with his farm zombies. Well, he was in love with his farm zombies. But that was part of it. Yeah. Oh, sorry, barn zombies. Yes, because that would have made them... I hope this has been less than two minutes.

Come on. What are you waiting for out there, person who hasn't seen all the episodes? It's good, right? Saving them all up in their DVR. What are they doing that's so important? Graham, this is what I say to people all the time. Yeah. Grow up. Some people get the

DVDs and watch them with commentary first. Nobody. This is when that day I remember was very hot. We shoot in Atlanta, so it is very hot.

Is there anyd commentary that does not have that in there somewhere somebody saying like well i hope you're not listening to this first before you watch nobody would ever do that i think maybe uh like uh a a grandparent who accidentally hit a button. The what? You have to hit so many buttons by accident to get to the commentary. Grandparents are great at doing that. No, no, no. I think on some remote controls it might have secondary audio.

SAP? Yeah. Described video. I don't know about this. Your theory is as shaky as the Walking Dead gun rule. But is that a uh is it the the talking dead is that a fun show to be a part of yes it's live so you're in front of like a big audience like a studio audience it's not a huge audience it's bigger than you think that it is it's just it's a

it's a uh a kind of a big studio but it's shot on this little tiny patch of land there. Um, but there's a forest. That's right. Exactly. Hopefully it doesn't rain. So they can have a show. Uh,

but there is, there is like a little crowd that's very enthusiastic and loves the walking dead. And they love Chris Hardwick. Does it happen right after the show? Yes. And, and so do you watch it all together? Well, look, I'll let you in on a little secret.

This is fun. Does the audience watch it? I think the audience does watch it. All together. Yeah, they get to watch it there. And for the guests, you are given the episode a couple days in advance. Oh, so you can make it. So you can familiarize yourself with it.

Yeah. Yes. So you can torrent it. But you have to sign stuff. Sure. It gets delivered with, you have to sign for it and all that. Does it have a thing on the screen the whole time? Yes, it does.

Copyright. Not the whole time. It fades in and out. Oh, yeah. That's fun. Yeah. Airplanes do that, too. Much like an aeroplane.

Except you're watching a movie that's already been on the internet for a year or something um why do they put that on the airplane is somebody like trying to bootleg it with their phone i feel sorry for whoever is uh downloading that bootlegging the sound because it's on headphones. Yeah, you're holding your little headphones up to the microphone. That's right. Oh, no. And then in the middle there's somebody, you know, flight attendant,

putting an orange juice in front of you. God forbid it's not one of the TVs or the planes that actually has a TV in front of you. You've got to film up. You film like two seats in front of you. Yeah, exactly. People are the TV in front of you. You've got to film up. You film like two seats in front of you. Yeah, exactly. People are constantly walking in front of it. Weird.

That's true. Now that it's been brought up, why does that exist? There's no... What's the theft rate? It would only be the flight attendants who would get their hands on the originals. You also have not forgotten where you are. When you're on a plane,

if you doze off and then wake up, oh, am I in a theater? Even if you felt so wildly uncomfortable, it's not like you're ever so relaxed watching the movie like, oh, that's right, I'm on a plane. Or are they worried that you will

dislike the movie so much that you'll walk out? Oh, that's it i'm on a plane or are they worried that you will dislike the movie so much that you'll walk out oh that's it into midair remember you are on an airplane do not open up that hatch oh man excuse me guys i'm getting over a little something yeah i understand something's going around. Yeah, right? It's contagion. Yeah, totally. It's the raging contagion.

That's what they call me. The Cajun contagion. I guarantee. Catch race. Remember that guy? What is that guy? Justin somebody, the cooking Cajun? No. He had a cooking show.

Justin Long. Justin Long, the cooking Cajun? No. He had a cooking show. Justin Long. Justin Long, the cooking Cajun. The cooking Cajun. Oh, I can't remember his last name. I bet it was something Frenchy sounding. Fieri? It was not your favorite Fieri. Prudhomme?

Oh, closer, but no. Then he would say what? I guarantee? I guarantee. I remember the cat phrase. I don't remember the cat. Cajun accent. I remember the cat phrase as being don't remember the cat. A Cajun accent.

I remember the cat phrase as being an alligator from the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. He used to say, I guarantee. Oh, Cal Worthington. Is that the name of the alligator from the Ninja Turtles? What? Alligator from the Ninja Turtles? Yeah. I remember the turtles.

Yeah. I remember Splinter, who was a rat. The rat friend. The rat. I remember Elias Koteas. The rat mentor. Of course. There was Bebop and Rocksteady.

I don't know who they are. They were a rhinoceros and a warthog. What did they have to do with sewers? They were like the juggernaut and saber tooth of the Ninja Turtle world. To the Ninja Turtle's X-Men. Right. And Splinter's Professor Charles Xavier. And then along the way, there was a crocodile that was from New Orleans, I guess.

And he said, I guarantee. Maybe it was based on that. He was probably a gator. Oh, he was a gator. You're right. Probably a gator. That was the name of his memoir. Probably a gator.

Probably a gator. That's right. By that crocodile character. He pretended to be a crocodile for most of his life, and then he came out. Ohator that's right by that crocodile he pretended to be a crocodile for most of his life and then he came out oh that's right he could pass for a crocodile yeah that was the thing that's how he got through in high school and on the cover of time magazine it said yep i'm gator oh yay slow clap i'm proud of you yeah i'm proud of you this day uh dave what's going on with you well yeah it's valentine's day and i gave abby some roses but then i couldn't shut up about uh that uh how

great you were do you remember that pepto-bismol commercial where they would dip the a rose in pepto-bismol and then put it in stomach acid yes no what Horrible. Put it in stomach acid. Cut open a guy's stomach. Here's a goldfish bowl full of stomach acid. Oh, it's really eating through that bowl. Don't ask where I got it. It just flashes a warning on the screen. Don't ask where I got it.

Unless you talk a little more, you listen. Yeah, well, they had two roses. One was uncoated, one was coated with Pepto-Bismol, and they dipped them in acid. I do remember this. One of them shriveled up. You'll never guess which one. So that was romantic.

But actually, I wanted to talk about something on TV as well. Like The Walking Talking Dead. The Rootin' Tootin'. The Rootin' Tootin'. That show is fun. It's got the best of what is... It's the best of the Rootin' Dead.

And then we're all tootin' about it. Oh, why isn't their website called Tooter? Where you toot about things instead of Twitter. Come on. Can I tell you this? Come with me. No, I can't go there. I hate that twitter is named twitter

and i wish that they had named it something blabber not sound it was they named it blabber because when it gets to the point where elected officials have to refer to it it sounds really dumb it is uh it's you know what i'm glad. The one thing about media is the newscasters seem to have graduated to a point where they're not saying, what is it? What is, how is Twitter? What is Twitter? Oh, am I tweeting? How do I Twitter?

Am I Twitter now? I mean, yes, of course they got past that, but they're still, but now they're saying Twitter with a straight face, which is even more like, oh, it's such a dumb name. Sources on Twitter say. It just, yeah. But isn't that kind of a great thing? Isn't that, it seems like one of those things where, like, a kid is like, if I ever get a million dollars, I'm going to make it so that a bunch of real smart people have to

say Twitter all the time. That's not good. Graham. I mean, it's fun, though, isn't it? This is energy. You're like a punk rocker. Yeah. Yeah.

I like things to be, what is it? Safety pins and noser. Yeah, I like things to be... What is that? Safety pins and noses. Yeah, toe thumbing. Thank you. Saved me. Safety pins and noses! That's what they want. That was their mission for the world.

Everyone will have a safety pin in their nose. A chain going to their ear. We're going to put roses in stomach acid. Yeah, so that was dumb. But I want to talk about this TV show, and I don't know if you've heard of it. Can I ask, though, what was Abby's response to the roses?

Because how often do you give her flowers? Is that a few times a year? I will. Special occasions? I will give her flowers on Valentine's Day. But you will take away flowers. I will just... On Halloween.

I'm taking these flowers. I think to take someone's flowers is like a euphemism for... I'll say this. We're married men, Graham. Yeah, I don't understand what you guys are talking about. We've taken a flower or two. We've been married multiple times. I am a monster!

22-year-old monster, I'm sorry. It's all that talk of Halloween. But sometimes I'll just get flowers and, like, not present them to her. You'll just keep them in a different room. These are Dave flowers. Oh, don't ask about those. I got flowers for myself. My little secret, I shower with them.

Yeah. I won a beauty contest. It's just scary. All around the house. Oh, I love my flowers. Okay, can I please talk about this TV show? Yeah, we're very excited. Is it about flowers?

No. It is called Lilyhammer. I saw you. I posted it. You mentioned it today on the internet. Online, yes. There is a new TV show. It's a co-production of Netflix and Norwegian TV.

They have mended fences. They swore they would never work together. It is called Lilyhammer. Lilyhammer, named after the city that hosted the Olympics. That hosted the Olympics in 1994. Post-Alberville, pre-Negano?

Yeah, and it's not Lily like L-I-L-Y. It's L-I-L-E? It's supposed to be L-I-L-L-E, but there's an intentional misspelling in the show's title. Oh. Lilyhammer. Sick. Yikes-a-daisy. Right?

And I've only watched the first 50 minutes of the first episode, so if anyone hasn't watched the first 50 minutes of the first episode, then go ahead. Fast forward two minutes. No, rewind to where we were talking about The Walking Dead.

Okay, this is a show that stars as the star Stephen Van Zandt. Oh, yes! Who you may know as Silvio Dante from The Sopranos. Oh my god, I can't believe you pulled the first and last name of that character.

He wore a wig? Yes. Oh, I'm actually glad that you clarified that, because when you said, I was thinking of a completely different person. I don't know who I was thinking of. Paul Jonas? No, somebody not Soprano-related. Is there another guy named steve van well he's also uh bruce springsteen's guitar player who doesn't have a wig as his guitar player he wears a bandana oh yeah presumably to cover his brett michaels-esque hair

or to function as his brett michaels-esque, sorry. To cover his Bret Michaels-esque baldness. Yes. Which is implied. Although I haven't seen either. I haven't seen either of their chrome domes. That's true. Well, they're very artfully hiding them. So that's not his hair on The Sopranos?

That's a wig? No. Oh, I did not. That is a wig. Because what's his name? Pauly Wallace. His hair is exactly the same level of craziness that I just assumed that that was his hair. And that's why...

I thought that's why he was cast. No. Because of his crazy hair. There's a capital Ig wig. Is there a... Is there a thing... That's not an expression, is it? It sounds like one, doesn't it?

Capital Ig wig. You'll use it again. Is it something you're born with that you can notice a wig on a person? Like... I obviously don't have it. Like how some people are predisposed to hate cilantro? Wigdar. No, that doesn't work. Anyway, okay.

He plays this mobster who is basically the... Joey Lillehammer. Here are the first three scenes of the the uh the show uh the first scene he he's at a funeral for his twin brother uh and then there's this other mafia guy there at the funeral and steve van zandt is like hey i'm not happy that you're the new boss i should be the new boss cut to the next scene like that does pretty much okay it's very badly written too it's co-written by steven vansant no it's yeah it's got two what two norwegian writers and steven vansant what wow uh at least the the first episode anyway you're making me see this awful piece of shit i know right uh scene two uh he uh he's in a bar and uh uh he says to the bartender the fbi

are saying that you know i should uh uh yeah i mean i might be in trouble uh you know some mobsters might be after me and then the bartender says everybody loves you no one would ever try to kill you you're frank Frankie the Fixer. Then a guy comes in and tries to kill him. Wow. Good twist. Frankie the Fixer. Good twist.

Frankie the Fixer. Then Stephen Van Zandt kills the guy. But the bartender dies in the crossfire. Oh. And then the next scene. Curiouser and curiouser. The FBI are in an airport hangar talking to Steve Van Zandt. And Steve Van Zandt is saying he's going to give up the mob people.

He's going to forsake them. Yes, he's going to forsake them. Why has he done so? And all he wants to do is move to Lilyhammer. Sure. Because he was won over by the Olympics in 1994. No, wait. Oh, and the FBI are all wearing badges that say FBI.

So it's his idea to go there? It's his idea to move to Lilyhammer. Because he liked the Olympics in 1994. Yep. Now, is there any mention of the 1994 Olympics prior to this scene? No.

Not at all. He's not watching a tape of it. It's not like this guy mentions it, he shoehorns it in somewhere. Coming after me. It's like when that guy fell off the luge in 1994. Again with Lillian.

Hey, I like it, alright? Although at the bar, in scene two, at the bar, there is behind the bar just a photograph of a guy speed skating. Oh, there you go. See? That's called foreshadowing.

So they got, of all the many non-actors on The Sopranos over the years, they got the most non-actory and baldest. Now is he... Sorry, I missed it. He was wearing a hat

or he's wearing a wig in this show? He's wearing a wig. I saw a poster for it. It looks like he's wearing the same wig. He's pretty much the same character, the same range of acting in Lily Hammer. Right. The same length of lower lip

jut. Very Johnny. Oh man. Can we get a picture of Paul doing the lip jut for the vlog? It's pretty accurate. Yeah, and so I watched. I've only like 50 minutes in, but he's now in Norway. He's not too happy about.

He's become a ski jumper. What? But he loved it so much. It's very cold. Is he one of those ice hotels? Yeah. They put him in the ice hotel. Hey, not for nothing, but it's freezing in here.

I turned up the heat, but my room will melt. My weird lower lip is stuck to the radiator. Radiator? Made out of ice? Why not? Well, then the show's nuts. Is this a radiator or a coldiator? Oh, yeah, and most of the show is in Norwegian.

What? No! With subtitles or no? I hope there's no subtitles. I hope it's just like you just have to sit through it. Just people having conversations in Norwegian. He's taking Norwegian on tape.

Like a Rosetta Stone? Yeah. But he's understanding a little bit too fast. This is great. Is this on Netflix? Can I get this on Netflix? It's on Netflix. Lily Hammer.

Oh, and his next door neighbor is the police chief. And he gives kind of a look like, oh, I'm worried. The Norwegian police chief? He's done with crime. Or is he he you're only 15 minutes in all right but but but um what if he's got some kind of underground butter thing you know how because norway doesn't have any butter to steal an iceberg you know how you know how on uh american tv they only put like good looking people

or people with white teeth right TV. Sure, right? That makes sense. That's not the case. What? The Norwegian TV. I assume that the Norwegians would have very white teeth. Am I wrong? Not the police chief.

She don't. Oh, it's a she. It's a lady police chief. Oh, yeah. Sexy possibilities. That's an example of my sexism. I assumed it was a man. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a reason we have stereotypes. Yeah. Because women made lousy police chiefs. That's right.

Chiefs? Chiefs. Chiefs of police? Ask Chiefs. Dave, can I ask you a question? Please. Ask Chiefs.

Who's the actor that I'm thinking of? When you said Steve Van Zandt and there's a guy that he was in Paris, Texas. Steve Zahn. Steve Zahn. Thank you. That was bothering's a guy that he was in Paris, Texas. Steve Zahn.

Steve Zahn, thank you. That was bothering me a lot. He was in That Thing You Do. And Treme. He played a really annoying character in Treme. Well, look, it's one of those things where it's not his fault, because I'm sure there are people like that.

Well, I know that there are people like that. But why do we want to see a character like that on television? I never saw Treme. I saw it, but I did not see him on it. What does he play? Steve's on. Because he's not in the first episodes, is he? Yes.

He's in the whole fucking thing. He plays Kevin Treme. Oh, that's right. Heir to the Treme dry cleaning fortune. Yeah. You know, I blocked him out of my memory. Look, there's a hurricane. We made everybody's clothes dirty. We stand to make cleaning fortune. Yeah. You know, I blocked him out of my memory. Look, this hurricane made everybody's clothes dirty. We stand to make a fortune.

I also know this guy in Norway who's stealing an iceberg. He's the annoying white rich kid who wants to be like a cool hip-hop impresario or whatever. Right. Okay. I've completely forgotten all of Treme, except the thing where the guy puts on the costume.

Are you thinking of DJ Qualls in that rap movie? You do? That rap movie you do? That rap movie you do. It's hard out there for a pimp. Hustle and Flow. Hustle and Flow. Hustle and Flow, everybody.

Hustle and Flow. Use Baby Watch, ladies. Was Anthony Anderson in Treme, or am I thinking of a different New Orleans show Or am I thinking of a different New Orleans show You were thinking of a different New Orleans show Is he a guy from ER No he's a guy Who am I thinking of now Eric Rossell

No Anthony something Anthony Edwards From the Revenge of the Nerds They finally got their revenge Enough of this getting people confused with people and shows confused with shows the point is stomach acid dissolves flowers yeah but not so if you eat flowers don't worry they will a tree will not grow in your body yeah like you've been told yeah all your life stereotypes god has a plan If a tree grows in your body. And nobody complains.

Next. Okay. You. Next. How are you doing, Graham? Oh, I'm great. Let's get to know you. In this season of love. Here's, this is what, this is a crazy thing that happened to me.

Oh, shit. Today. Is this one of Graham's classic crazies? Yeah. I love these. Buckle up. Right? That's my catchphrase.

Buckle up. Today is Valentine's Day, as we established. That has been well established. Can you read the record back, please? Your Honor! Asked and answered! It's one of those crazy movies. It's either Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve.

I can't remember which. Valentine's. Remember? Valentine's Day. And I was at a bar. I can't remember which. Valentine's. Remember? Valentine's Day. And I was at a bar. I was having a drink. What time of day was this? This was a 5.30 p.m.

Oh, okay. 5.30 somewhere. Yeah. Also 5 o'clock. Yeah. It was 5 o'clock. Well, in Newfoundland, half hour ahead. It's 5.30 somewhere.

That is here. Yeah. And I was having a drink. And there was three people who came in and sat at the table next to me. And they were all very homely. That really caught me by surprise. That's a word my mom uses. Well, I told her that you said it with absolute authority.

They were very homely. There's no two ways. It's not subjective. I wish I had taken a picture now. These people were homely. No, I don them that you said it with absolute authority. They were very homely. There's no two ways. It's not subjective. I wish I had taken a picture now. These people were homely. No, I don't doubt you. Yeah, yeah. But it was you really, you clearly were seeing them in your mind.

Yes. And they sat down next to me, and it was a guy and two ladies. And he had- Go on. I'm telling you, it gets weird. Classic crazy. And now it's time for another classic crazy moment. Brought to you by Doritos.

It was three, it was a guy and two gals, and he had given a Valentine's card to each of them. And they were opening up their Valentine's Day cards. Oh, it's the story of the homely diplomat. It still teaches us today. Yeah. And they were quite elaborate cards. They were like cards that had, like, you could tell that they were textured on the top. You know, they were like puffy.

Puffy glue. Yeah. Were they like pop-up books? Kind of like, yeah. Did the accordion-like unfold? They were very elaborate cards. And they were looking at their cards and they were all very happy. And then he leaned over and really deep mouth you know, mouth kissed one of them.

And I was like, oh, okay, that must be the girlfriend. And this other lady is the friend that's along. And hey, he bought her a car, too. What a nice guy. Sure. And, like, it was a real deep, like, he got all of his mouth in her mouth. Yeah. Yeah.

And then he sat back, and then he kissed the other lady the same way. What the fuck? Graham, what are you? Right? This is a classic crazy. This is a classic crazy. So this guy had two ladies on Valentine's Day that he was. Yeah.

Like, hey, do you guys want to do a three-way makeout? Yeah. At the weird bar that I was at. And let's not forget how homely they are. Yeah. And what time was this? They all found each other. Remind me what time it was.

5.30. Okay. 5.30 p.m. When would this behavior have been deemed appropriate? When they were all 17. When they were all behind closed doors. I would say 25 minutes before closing time at the bar. Okay. I would say 25 minutes before closing time at the bar.

Okay. If I saw three homely people all making out together, I'd be like, well, it's about time. It's about time. There we go. But 5.30, it seemed early. It was early. They hadn't even finished a whole drink yet, and they were already into deep mouth kissing. Did he then make the two of them? Should I even ask?

Oh, like now you do the same to each other? Yeah. You do to each other what I had done to you? Yeah, the golden rule. You treat each other like how you want to be treated? That's right. Exactly. The world would be a better place.

No, it just really, I mean, maybe I'm a Squaresville, but that caught me off guard. Now, where were you when this was happening? How far away? How close? I was at the next table over. So, are you trying to be furtive while you're watching this, or are you just

outright goggle-eyed staring at this? No, I was looking. They were between me and the television screen that I was watching, and then So, you couldn't help but watch. Yeah, and when they opened up the cards, I was like, oh, neat cards. So I kind of get to see what the cards looked like.

Were any of them facing you? Well, the first girl that he mouth-kissed was most towards me. Okay. Yeah, but she didn't look at me while she mouth-kissed me. Oh, I'm glad. Yeah, right? I wouldn't like that at all. If she opens an eye.

Give me a wink. Yeah. I saw that happen to me today You got looked at while Somebody was smooching A guy was nuzzling a girl's neck They were like Early 20s I enjoy your podcast And

Her eyes and my eyes met. And I was like, oh, that was an accident. So I walked a few more steps. I didn't break stride. But then I looked back to see if she was still looking at me. And she was. And then a third time. Yeah.

Wow. That's weird stuff. That is weird stuff. The guy she was kissing, was he very homely? I couldn't tell. His face was buried in her neck. This guy had a lot of face, so probably you couldn't bury it all in a neck. Maybe she wanted you to rescue her.

Please take me away. She was blinking. Blink, blink, blink. Blink, blink. How do you do that? That's what I'm saying. No, that's it. Blink, blink, blink.

Blink, blink, blink. Blink, blink, blink. I think if you just say that, people will understand what you mean. It's hard to say, though, when you're mouth-kissing. Blink, blink. The long blinks are the o's. If you do that, somebody would think something was wrong. To be fair. They might not help you, but they would at least get the idea that somebody's wrong with that person.

They may not save your soul. No. Is that what it is? Save our sauerkraut. That's the Germans. Paul laughed at it. Paul's in a good mood. He's just being a great guest. I'm a guest in your country.

That was delightful, Graham. Oh, well, I'm glad I could share. Another Graham Clark Classic Crazy Doritos, boing Well, before we move on to Overheard Oh, we gots to do a little business Life can be fun Don't get carried away

You gotta do the things you don't wanna do To get through the day You gotta shine your shoes You gotta sweep the floor You gotta clean your house You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. Oh, not for her. That means... Let's start again. No, no.

Keep that in. Keep it in. We're not changing it. That's great. We've got some business to take care of. Yeah. And we've got two, count them, two commercial messages. Should I leave? No, no, you stay. You're doing great. I don't want to interrupt your business.

No, you're part of the business. Okay. I mean, mind your own business, but also mind my own business. Yeah, I'm MYOB. Yeah. The new kids on the block. Our first message comes, it's a, this is a business message, so not the Jumbotron. Well, it's a commercial message.

Thank you. It's a commercial message. Thank you. It is courtesy of Bowen Accounting. Bowen, B-O-W-E-N? That is correct. BowenAccounting.com. The message is very easy and simple. If you like this show, then I want you as a client. Taxes and accounting provided by a CPA and a super fun guy. Visit the website for contact info. I personally am bad at doing taxes, intimidated by people who know what they're doing tax-wise. I think I got an H&R Block kind of...

I feel like I'm part of a big machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like your cattle. Yeah. Your tax cattle. Yeah, I don't want to be tax cattle. It is tax season, so you should check out bowenaccounting.com.

We're assuming this is in the United States. I'm going to say yes. Well, I'm not assuming. I know that it is from the United States. Okay, so he knows about your 401ks. Sure. Your IRSs. Yeah.

Your IRS records. Your early REM stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Everyone needs taxes. Does everyone need taxes, Dave? Or does everyone need help with their taxes? Well, no.

Death and taxes are the only things that anyone needs. Isn't that the expression? The only things you need in life are death and taxes. Yeah, so check out bowenaccounting.com. Wouldn't you like your accountant to be a fun guy who listens to the podcast? Oh, God. Then you could at least, at the very very least you could have some nice back and forth about your favorite episode of lily hammer for me it's episode one yeah the pilot is probably

the greatest uh now we also have a personal message and uh this one is to andrew from tiff uh well this got to us a little after we recorded last week's episode. That's right. But it is a Valentine's message. Is today Valentine's Day? Today is a Valentine's Day. Oh, sure. It's one of this year's Valentine's Days.

It's one of its helpers. Yeah. Is there another one on July 30th? 30-30th. 30-30th? Yeah, the 60th. It is a message from Tiff to Andrew. They are husband and wife.

Oh. It is a happy Valentine's Day message. But he's going through the back catalog, so he's not even going to get this this week. Oh, okay. I really thought you were going to say he's going through back surgery. He's going through bad times. He's going through back channels.

Yeah. Tiffany writes, He's going through bad times. He's going through back channels. Yeah. Yeah, he would... Tiffany writes, I would have put a special message into his Skyrim save file, but that seemed difficult, and then the message cut off. Yeah, it does seem difficult. And also, this is the greater of the two goods. Skyrim is good is great and good.

It's good. And we are also good. Yeah, we presume it's good. We've never played it. So, happy Valentine's Day to you, Andrew. Tiffany loves you. Yes. Let me say this from Tiffany.

I love you. Now let me say it. I love you. BowenAccounting.com Do we want to move on? Oh, by the way, if you would like to advertise on the show MaximumFun.org Slash Jumbotron

It's Jum-tron with an O in the middle It's a good It's a good mnemonic device Speaking of O, it's time for Overheard Overheard Overheard A segment These are, oh, it's time for Overheard. Overheard. Overheards. A segment.

These are, oh, you go ahead. Oh, no, you go ahead. No, no, no. No, please. Shall I? Yeah, absolutely. Overheards. These are the times of our lives, folks, when people use their ears.

Hey, Paul, shut up. Before we do Overheard, I want to move on to my favorite segment of all that's happening to me. Ooh, poignant. My favorite segment of all is this segment we have called Celebrity Birthday. Dave, shut up. I have a segment that I want to do before you do the segment.

It's a little segment I like to call Hulk Hogan News. I will allow it. Graham, shut up. I have a segment that's to call Hulk Hogan News. I will allow it. Graham, shut up. I have a segment that's never been on your show before. I can't wait. What is it? It's called Pet Dreams. Go on.

Well, it seems there is this dog. And he's like, his little legs are kicking, right? He's asleep. And then he wakes up and I'm like, what did you dream about? He didn't answer me He doesn't have the capacity for speech But I think he was dreaming about chasing the mailman Okay, let's restart the segments

I want Let's go backwards I want to start so many stories with It seems there was this dog I've heard there was this dog I heard tell Rumor has it Okay

Groomer has it Isn't that actually a dog grooming show? It was! Oh no! Everything's falling apart That happened! Groomer has it That's criminal.

What has Groomer got? It. I don't know what you have, but you got it. I beg you, Paul. Paul Graham. Paul Hogan News, please. Yay! Yay!

He's still avoiding his taxes. You know who can help him out? Oh, right. Moen Accounting. Hulk Hogan news. A couple of weeks ago, I was talking about how Hulk Hogan had announced... I can't believe this is an ongoing segment, and then you keep having Hulk Hogan news. The weird thing is we recorded

the last episode three days ago so there's there's news now a couple weeks ago i had reported that hulk hogan had said that he was i reported shut up shut up told you yeah i told you i was first on the scene guys let's get back on the rails um hulk Hogan had said that he was going to shave his mustache and hair in order to obtain movie roles. He announced this publicly. His management has now said, hold up on shaving the mustache. We think that we can get you millions of dollars from a Gillette or something like that. So he is now saying he will only shave his mustache for millions of dollars.

Oh, I see. Yeah. So it was a fake shave. Okay, so he won't do it for, you know, locks of love. Oh, man. What kid would get a wig made out of his mustache? Steven Van Zandt, baby. Baby Steven Van Zandt.

So that's Hulk Hoganogan news brother okay so so no one's excited no one is gonna pay him that uh i would no if i had a million dollars i would pay him that well of course you would kickstarter well you're not good with money oh let's start a kickstarter to get hulk hogan or at least it's just as valid as every other Kickstarter. Can I say this? Please. As a supporter of this Kickstarter, you will get...

If you donate one dollar, you will get one Hulk Hogan hair. Not even. There's not two billion hairs in that mustache. Oh. Mustaches can in a lot of hairs Yeah, you underestimate his Hulkamania Paul, you were saying You were about to go off the rails

You were going to say, can I say something? And I think it was about Kickstarter Kickstarter With all that is going on in the world today The milkman The paperboy Family Matters theme song All that is going on in the world today. The milkman. The paperboy. What?

Family Matters theme song? Oh, is it the Family Matters theme song? Yeah. Well, like, the world's kind of a mess, right? Oh, no. There's a lot of problems. Yeah. A lot of problems all over the place. At home and abroad.

When somebody on Twitter asked me to retweet something for a Kickstarter campaign because they want to do a movie or something, it just seems like the most... You're like, oh, no. Like, really? There's problems now. There's problems. This is new. The last of my dollars are going to fund your artistic endeavor. There's problems in the world.

there's problems in the world now if I sent you an email saying Paul could you retweet my Kickstarter to get Hulk Hogan to shave his mustache that's one of the problems in the world well you caught me ok nevermind

ok I was confused about why you were emailing him to retweet nevermind he's a classy guy. Celebrity birthday. He's not going to call me out in front of Twitter. Yeah, happy birthday. Oh, can I ask you, have you gotten any feedback on this segment yet?

No, still yet no feedback on this. I know, it's really weird. I love this segment. Does that count? Nope. Man. Wait, no. I feel dumb for saying it.

As someone on the show, it doesn't count. There we go. There doesn't count No listener I could be being polite By the way, people have said Please stop asking for feedback We have never once asked That's true, you've just reported This is very frustrating to listen to

Not for me I'm enjoying every second of it Happy birthday to Rob Thomas Of Matchbox 20. Santana Collaborator, Rob Thomas. What was that song called? Smooth. Oh, yeah.

Have a smooth birthday. He is 40. Lordy, lordy. Rob Thomas is 40. Second fiddle magician Teller is 64 years old today. 64? 64, right? Jesus Christ.

He looks dynamite. Magic. How old is Pin? I don't have that information. Oh, he's from parts unknown and age unreported. Run, fat boy, run, star. Simon Pegg is 42 today. Run Fat Boy Run star Simon Pegg is 42 today

there is nothing funnier than Peggy the worst right? yeah that was David Schwimmer's directorial debut oh he may have directed Breast Men I was going to say David Schwimmer

feature film former 2020 host and cheek implant Breastman. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say David Schwimmer and breastman. Feature film. Sure. Former 2020 host and cheek implant poster boy, Hugh Downs, is 91 years old today. Cheek implant? He had cheek implants? He had very, he had work done. I don't know if they were implants, but those cheeks. Oh, yeah.

Hugh Downs? You don't think he was just like the natural Like apple darling Of his old head No Hugh Downs was Hugh Ups The apple darling of his head That is not a thing You just made up that term right But you know what I'm talking about You know what I'm talking about

And the answer to today's Celebrity birthday trivia question Do you remember Your president Nixon And the answer to today's celebrity birthday trivia question. Right. Do you remember... You're President Nixon. Happy birthday, Richard Milhouse Nixon. Do you remember when Pat O'Brien did those weird sexual voicemails? I just want to get nuts with you. Just get some cocaine.

Cocaine and smokers, I just want to get nuts with you. Just get some cocaine. Cocaine and smokers. I just want to get nuts with you. You're going to... I remember one of the things about them. Did he say, I want to get nuts? I want to get nuts with you, yes. I want to... Let's do sex stuff.

But you're going to have to do it with my wife as well. Or his girlfriend. Or like... She had to be... That was always something he had. You're going to have to do it with Beatrice as well. Oh, man. Maybe that's who I saw at the bar today. Pat'brien o'brien and his girlfriend happy 64th birthday to pat o'brien

born the same day and year as teller really yeah wow that was the trivia question do you remember that okay guys overheards people are so mad overhe Overheards. Fuck, Paul. Oh, what? Overheards? Oh, that's right. You like... Hold on. I went off mic for a second. Okay. Put my glass down.

You like to start with the guest. We do. We love to start with the guest. I have an overheard. Yes. Now, I don't think that I have told this story on the podcast. Stop me if it feels familiar. Okay.

I went and saw John Williams conduct music at the Hollywood Bowl. At the Boss and Pops. No. That sounds fun. Well, here's the thing. A friend of mine had tickets, couldn't use them, gave them to me and some friends. How is he the most famous John Williams?

Somebody had to be, right? I feel like there must be a million of them. A million Williams. There probably are a million John Williams all over the world. Well, Brian Williams. Sure. We've got one in Canada. And there's a famous one in the States. Do you have a Brian Williams?

He's a TV host. Yeah, he's like a sports anchor. That's weird. Well, like down in the States we have an actor named Bruno Gerussi. And he's also on a beach. What? Well, like down in the States, we have an actor named Bruno Gerussi. And he's also on a beach. What?

What? Oh. You don't also. We do have a dead actor. We did, but. But he has passed away. Gerussi. But we have a dog called the biggest hobo.

Oh, see, ours is the littlest hobo. Oh, well. That's a balance. Yeah. So, Fred gives us these tickets. See, John Williams plays music from his movies. We think, oh, this will be fun to go

hear. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, all these themes we love. Well, we get there and it's John Williams plays music from the movie. So, it's some of his movies a little bit, but then the theme from Exodus. What?

By Bob Marley. There was this long passage. That's right. There was this long passage in the show where he does the music of Harry Potter, which did he do the music for that? I still don't know. Oh, maybe Danny Elf. No, I think it is him. It's one of the three.

It was introduced by the late actress Lynn Redgrave. Was she late at the time? She was dead. It was weird. Yeah, that is weird. It was a ghost. And nobody commented on it. It was a ghost! Oh my goodness!

I was like, she's dead right isn't this weird nobody would acknowledge it was weird they just introduced her she was respectful please welcome the ghost so she was sort of was introducing all of these

old people in the audience that were sitting with us to who Harry Potter was and what his story was. And then they showed... Yeah, honest to God. He's a magical boy. Yes, exactly!

And so in this scene, this happens to Harry Potter, and here's the music for it. And then they would play the music, and they would show images from the movies, but then they would also sometimes show, because we were sitting way back in Hollywood Bowl, it's huge. They have these big screens and sometimes they would show the orchestra playing. And so we're surrounded by elderly people. And at one point they show the orchestra.

It's the woodwind section and we hear behind us this old man say to his wife that oboe player looks like you judy and we we were going crazy because they were right behind us and we couldn't turn around and look that's all we wanted to do and we like, and we're trying not to laugh. We're trying. It's like church giggles, trying not to laugh. It's you and your wife? Me, my wife, and two friends.

Okay. And so eventually time passes. We finally settle down from stifling laughter at this. They show this oboe player again. And then the guy goes, oh, it's a bassoon. It doesn't look as much like you anymore. No, it still looks like Judy. Oh, it still looks like Judy.

Still looks like Judy. The instrument now I see. So funny. And then another thing that cracked me up was my friend Joel yelling out joel yelling out like request style meet the press because john williams composed the theme to meet the press that's what he does for a second encore yeah they did not play meet the press really would have been great any b-sides no they did he did eventually play some star wars uh there were two times when he played star wars when vanessa redgrave came out. That's right.

In a Darth Vader helmet. The Imperial March. And then when that happened, all of a sudden there were many people in the crowd with lightsabers who started waving them around. Oh, wow. We had no idea this was a thing. Then he did some Rocky Horror stuff and everyone threw rice. Tim Curry came out dressed as vanessa for no reason i think i said vanessa anyway we all say vanessa sometimes i said vanessa huxton um uh dave do you have an overheard my overheard is an overseen it was in a sky train station the

very sky train station i go to every day yeah day the one where that girl was kissing the guy and stared at you you won't drive your car to work you won't do it parking is quite expensive oh it's true anyway I'm waiting on the platform

and there's a man walking up the stairs to get to the platform and he's in his late 30s-ish. He's wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses. 9.20 in the morning. Not a sunny day that needs either of those things. Now, Graham, how many drinks did you have at this point?

What time of day is this? 9.20 in the morning. Well, it had to be 5.30 somewhere. 5.20 somewhere. Probably 4.20 9.20 in the morning. Well, it had to be 5.30 somewhere. 5.20 somewhere. Probably 4.20 somewhere. Maybe I was high, too. Maybe you were, Graham. Okay, so

sunglasses, hat, carrying in one hand an enormous suitcase, lugging it up the stairs. In the other hand... Like, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk. In the other hand, a case of beer. Oh! A guy was sort of...

A twofer? Margaritaville? A guy was sort of like, hey, do you need help? And the guy's like, no'm good don't worry and he's struggling to get all this stuff up meanwhile since his hands are full as he reaches the top of the stairs his pants fall down what come on yes come on no they don't fall to his ankles oh but oh so just below his butt. But that shouldn't be happening. Can you see his butt? You see his underwear.

Oh, man, that's great. He pulls his pants back up. A rope as a belt. Really? Holy. Like a yellow nylon rope. This guy's surviving by his wits alone. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Wow. Wits and ropes. Wits and ropes. It's a reel into the wild He had a lot of crazy ideas About whatever that movie was about I hope he didn't eat some poison berries

Oh right, he did, right? Spoiler! Well no, he was getting on a train Not a bus Did that guy die in a bus? He died in a van Like a VW van VW bus, Oh, okay.

VW bus. That split the difference. And he was, you know, half a mile from civilization. Yeah, that's true. That's the saddest part. What a victimless tragedy that was. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

The only victim was the viewer. Yeah, exactly. There's actually, you were talking about a Tumblr that you follow. There is a Tumblr that I followed briefly. Guys, I also follow some Tumblr. I forget what it was called. Oh, it's like just this had Oscar buzz. And it's just movies that had Oscar buzz that you look back and you're like, really?

The bucket list? Oh, my. It is amazing. That never had Oscar buzz. Yes. Yes, it did. It did. Are you telling me this Tumblr said so? Yeah. Well, I amazing. Yes. Yes, it did. It did. Are you telling me

this Tumblr said so? Yeah. Well, I mean, I do believe the Tumblr. But Into the Wild, absolutely. Oh yeah, that did have a bucket list.

Look at The Help is nominated for Best Picture. It's a terrible movie. Yeah. It's a bad movie. It's got a bad poster. That's all I know about it. Ghost was nominated

for Best Picture. Yes. But that should have won. And won some awards. We all agree that now looking back Ghost is one of the most classic Of course Ghost deserved every award Because now

We just know how great it is It's always on TV Instead of singing the national anthem Now we just watch Ghost Oh yeah everybody sits down at a potter's wheel And has the people behind them In the crowd do Patrick Swayze on their hands. Replace the wave.

Do the Swayze. Hey, Graham. Yeah. Grazy. For Swayze. Oh, Grazy. I'm Grazy. My Overheard also comes courtesy of being an audience member at a show.

I went and saw... Oh, by the way, Paul, did you ever see if she looked like the bassoonist? No. Okay. We never, by the time and we thought about the whole thing. Yeah, memorize what the bassoonist looks like. They were already gone. Yeah.

Off to the oboe shop to fulfill his weird desires. It was a bassoon. Oh, I know, but he doesn't. I don't know the difference. When the lights are out. Oh, yeah, right. He figured it out. By the way, he did a better job

than I would have. I was perfectly willing to accept his diagnosis of oboe. You've been diagnosed with oboe. I went to go see comedy legend Bob Newhart. Oh, my God. Really?

Yeah. Telephone routines. Yes, which he did. He did the driving instructor, he did a telephone routine. Did he have a telephone on stage? Yeah, he's older now. He has to use an actual telephone. He had somebody calls in. I actually don't know. In the old days, did he

use a prop telephone? Yes. Yeah, he used to use an old rotary. But now he used he has his self uh like cell phone regular just flip style cell phone okay uh like bob newhart would have yeah like a bob like a bob newhart from now would he wouldn't he wouldn't have a uh an iphone or a blackberry that's a bit much yeah he would he would have a flip phone sometimes old people get those iphones and that's then they call you and ask you how it would look weird anyways he the the he's got like a razor and not a razor like a well yeah like a clamshell just a clamshell a clamshell a clamshell a samsung clamshell a samsung is it a jitterbug uh i don't

know what that means. That was the cell phone for old people. Oh, is it like big fat buttons? Oh, so good. I want one of those. I want to trade in whatever phone I have. There was a commercial for it that was essentially, if memory serves, the commercial was really saying like, phones, they're so hard. Why do they make them that way?

Like appealing to old people's superstitions and fears and prejudices of like, well, they're doing this on purpose to make phones so difficult. This may have been a jitterbug. I once saw a phone for... You put the jitterbug into my brain. I once saw a phone for

tweens that only had two buttons on it and it was just call home and hang up. There you go. Easy peasy. It's like, don't call your friends. Cut out the middle man. The numbers being the middle man.

That's more for the parents, right? Yeah, absolutely. Guys, I have an overheard. Somebody offers you all the candy. Oh. Bob Newhart is in his late 70s, early 80s. Okay. He, you know, the great thing about Bob Newhart is in his late 70s, early 80s. Okay. Let's see.

The great thing about Bob Newhart is he fumfers a lot. He stammers. He famously stammers. He stammers, yes. But in addition to his famous stammers now, he has old man noises that he makes into the microphone, clicking of teeth, extra clearing of throat and at one point right before delivering a setup burped into the microphone and myself and my friend nearly lost our mind

laughing so hard I don't even know what the joke was that he set up but he set up like a street joke and he was like there was this couple. No! Like that, yeah.

What?! Yeah, it was the greatest. Did he acknowledge it? No, no! Like, he was settling in for a long night of television watching and just, it was the greatest. That's crazy! Crazy good.

But I mean, how do you not know that's going to happen? Because you're just making old man sounds. They're just coming out of your... Look, you don't have to tell me. I'm older than you. Yeah, but imagine add another, what, 40 plus years? Oh, man. What kind of noises will you be making?

God bless you. I thought you were going to say four years. Oh, what? Add another four years. All of a sudden you're making Bob Newhart noises? I thought you were going to say four years. Oh, what? And another four years. All of a sudden, you're making Bob Newhart noises? Paul, you're...

Bob Newnoise. You're 75. But anyway, so hearing Bob Newhart burp was one of the greatest things I've ever seen on stage. I would have enjoyed

that as well. Yeah, like, it felt like, oh, I mean, there's a lot of new comics, but I don't know if they're going to do anything as good as Bob Newhart burping on stage. I'll tell you what, they're not.

You're right, they're not, right? The next generation doesn't have anything that good. Obliviously burping on stage. Yeah, burping and then just moving on. Like how your grandfather would tell a joke and just kind of burp or snort or whatever in the middle of it. I never had a grandfather. Oh. I never did either.

What about your grandmother? Both of my grandfathers died before I was born. Grandmother tells jokes? Grandmothers, it's different. Uncle? Old uncle? Yeah, burps. Yeah. I'm sorry about that, guys. Guys, we also have overheards sent in to us.

Thanks for bringing it up. Oh, I know, real. Party killer, I'm sorry. We have overheards sent in via listeners. It's possible. It is possible. And you know how they do it? No.

They send them in to stoppodcastyourselfatgmail.com. Oh, that's Dave pouring some wine. I don't know why he's doing it in the microphone. It seems jerky. It's a great sound, though. You're right.

We'll make people at home pour a glass of wine. Or a beverage of their choice. Pull up a couch next to the fireplace and let's have some. I'm trying to encourage the next generation of Foley artists. That was done, not a lot of people

know that that was done by Dave punching a watermelon. With a nice wet chamois. Always the chamois. They're crazy for chamois, those Foley people are keeping the chamois business going. Alright, our first written in overheard comes from

Dean Ray J. You can call him Ray, et cetera. This probably is my favorite opening sentence from an overheard in a long, long time. Delicious. Hey, guys. Was having a late dinner at Arby's the other night. Setting the stage. You know what I wish that this person, he, right? Oh, yeah. Dean Ray J. Setting the stage. You know what I wish? That this person...

He, right? I'm saying... Oh, yeah. Dean Ray J. I wish that Dean Ray J had said, having a late supper at Arby's.

Yes. Having an early fourth meal. The only other person in the dining room. Dining room. Dining room! That's an exaggeration. Oh, my God.

We weren't in the forward cabin. Yes, the dining quarters. Dining room? That's an exaggeration. Oh my god. We weren't in the forward cabin. Yes, the dining quarters. Did you just... Is he like a time traveler from the 14th century? Let's go to the Arby's dining room. Dining parlor? Dining room. Let's go to this roast beef

parlor. It's a roast beefery you see. The only other person in the dining room is a guy on his laptop. So I hear him pretty clearly when he starts talking on his cell phone. I hear him say the following into his phone. I don't remember

the last time that I broke out in a full sweat. Moment passes. Oh yeah, it was when I had that abdominal pain from eating two cans of Pringles. Ta-da! Arby's customer. Yeah. That'll happen.

That many potato flakes. Now I hope this caused Dean to embark on a journey of self-examination. Yeah. Like, what am I doing? How far away am I from my second Pringles can? Yeah, him and I, we ate so different. Or how far am I away from, say, a piece of fruit? Yeah, exactly. The road less traveled.

An insurmountable distance. The woods are lovely dark and deep. Now, this next one is an overseen it's a photo of a sign from the surf mall on the famous atlantic city pier in new jersey have you ever been yes i have what is it i don't know what that is is it the thing that on the jersey shower where people hang out the atlantic city pier well Empire where everyone falls asleep. Yes. Where the,

the horse dives off of the thing. Right. Okay. All that. Yeah. It's like a boardwalk where there's attractions and things. Okay. So this is a picture of a,

uh, of a sign with the, uh, interchangeable letters that people often, uh, a marquee. Thank you. Marquee post.

Uh, this hasn't been messed with though. Well, maybe it has, but it says, these are the three things this store offers. Hot God Cards, which I had to look up online, and are something to do with Yu-Gi-Oh.

Okay. Chopper Tees and Butt Skirts. Did you look up the other two things? Well, I assume that a butt skirt is just, you know, good- looking skirt. Yeah. A skirt doing what it's supposed to do. Hot God cards?

Hot God cards, yeah. Like, uh... Yu-Gi-Oh is a card game for nerds. Yeah. Right. Like a Magic the Gathering? Like, uh, Pokemon. Like Pogs. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. Like all of those. Like, Chopper Tees, I assume that's some sort of motor... A Harley Davidson t-shirt? Pokemon. Like Pogs. Yeah. Yeah. Like all of those. Choppertees, I assume that's some sort of Harley Davidson t-shirt? Am I wrong? I don't know. Whatever, it's for idiots. Or maybe it's a helicopter. Some sort of helicopter.

Hot H-O-T God G-O-D cards? Yes. Hot God cards. Actually, it's Hot Hot God cards. It was too hot. Things are heating up for these God cards Things are really hotting up as they say Across the pond Take off all your cards

And chopper tees And butt skirts Ladies can't resist a good butt skirt Right? How does my butt look in this butt skirt? As opposed to most skirts that don't even cover the butt Yeah right? What age do we live in? How does my butt look in this butt skirt? As opposed to most skirts that don't even cover the butt. Yeah, right?

What age do we live in? The greatest age? The glory days. And this last overheard comes from Jennifer J. Jenny Jones. Jennifer J. Sinley. Jennifer J. Sinley. What if it was Jennifer J. Sinley?

Then maybe. Do you love the podcast? Yeah. Oh, what if? if it was Jennifer Jason Lee? Then maybe. Do you love the podcast? Yeah. Oh, what if? Yeah. Well, she's a big fan. We've gotten a lot of emails from Jennifer Jason Lee. I bet you guys don't even realize you've got famous fans out there. Jennifer Jason Lee, Bridget Fonda, the whole cast of Sickle White Female.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're all big supporters. Edward Herman. Edward Herman. Edward Munster. Edward James Olmos. Edward Herman. Edward Munster. Edward James Olmos. Edward James Olmos.

Eddie. Eddie Bunker. Thank you. Reservoir Dogs. I think he's passed out. This comes from Jenny J. Jennifer Jason Lee. So I was on the Skytrain heading home from BCIT.

There was a lady standing by one of the doors, and all of a sudden she started crying and saying stuff about Jesus. Now, you're editorializing a little bit with your reading. Yeah, I'm doing, I made a character choice. A few seconds later, this man walks past and she says to him, Did you tell on me? The man gets kind of angry and says, Lady, I don't even know you. After having a bizarre argument, the man gets really angry and says, You know what?

I did tell on you. Oh, no. Yay. He engaged and won. Your honor. Take that, crazy crying Jesus. Lady, come on. Finish it.

How's your insanity working out for you? Where's your messiah now? You think she was maybe like a Virgin Mary weeping? Yeah. Like a statue of the Virgin Mary. A real... From the 12 days of Christmas. One Mary weeping.

One. A real crybaby Mary. Yeah, we replaced the partridge with... That's right. With a weeping Virgin Mary. And then what's the next thing? Two doves leaping? What is the second? Yeah.'s the next thing? Two doves a-leaping? What is the second?

Yeah, just a bunch of doves leaping Yeah Everything a-leaping Yeah It's because of those hot coals Yeah, one Mary crying In addition to overheards that are written And we also accept overheards via telephones

If you have a telephone Like, say, a Bob Newhart, feel free to burp into it. Oh, man. But do it before you call. If you would. Call us at 206-339-8328, like these people have. Oh, fuck. That was the entire phone call.

What? Can I hear it again? I want to hear it again, please. I had a giggle attack. Well, I remember the last time you were on, someone gave up mid-phone call. Oh, that was the best. That was fantastic.

That was the best. And then didn't he keep, he kept saying the thing wrong? He was like, Yes. Oh, fuck it. Did he say, oh, fuck it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What happens to people when they call you guys? They panic. Yeah. Okay, next phone call. 6-0-4-2-7. We'll take out the phone number. Has sent you a text to landline message. I went over to a guy's house

to do a Spanish project. Now they're all doing weed. Thank you for using text to landline services. That doing weed. Oh my god. weed. It's like that's what we've used technology to be able to do. I went over to a guy's house

to do a Spanish project. Now they're all doing weed. Okay, since neither of those were actual overheards. I forgot what the category was. I'll just play a couple of actual overheards. Please do what the category was. I'll just play a couple of actual overheards. Please do. I went over.

Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Bart in Texas calling in with an overheard. I just went into a 7-Eleven and one of the employees, a woman who was probably in her mid-40s, she looked way too old to be working in a 7-Eleven, was telling her younger co-worker,

I don't care how you feel about someone. Once they kill somebody, it is game over. And I have to say, I agree. Wait a minute. This guy, this call was all over the map. You're too old to work at 7-Eleven. First of all, you're never too old. Yeah, right.

That's right. All the places you'll go. What are the, what can you be too whatever to work at Simon Love? Too wide. Too... To have too much self-respect. Too underground. Too short to box with cotton.

Too underground. Too legit. Yeah. Too quid 7-id, seven livers. Okay, go on. And also, if you kill somebody, it's not game over. What if you killed somebody in self-defense? Or for your country?

Or out of passion? But also, what does that mean if you kill somebody game over? Maybe they were talking about a game that they were playing where you're not supposed to kill anybody, but if you do, it's game over. maybe they were talking about a game that they were playing where you're not supposed to kill anybody but if you do game over well and if somebody i think you're gonna respect the hunger games i think if you're playing a game and somebody dies out of respect you should stop the game yeah yeah oh uh yeah unless it's one of those murder weekend games yeah oh that's different that's the object of the game that's true or so it's game on like that's right one

of those ancient mayan uh games where you play it with your hip. Play soccer with your hip. That's right. Yeah. And then they kill you if you win and you go up to be with the gods. Or it's like basketball with human heads. Yeah. Like they used to do. Yeah.

Like The Air Up There. Is that what that movie is about? Yeah. That's right. The Gods Must Be Crazy. It was The Air Up There was let's play basketball with human heads. A dog can't play human head basketball. Wait.

There's nothing in the rules. It's not a rule. That's A dog can't play human head basketball. Wait, there's nothing in that rule. It's not a rule. That's right. Get that rule book. It's really like a dog can't play. The ancient minds forgot to make a rule book. Finally. Yes.

I am calling you back. They're still doing the weed. I am going to... Don't they stop? Lo policia. I'm going to... Don't they stop? La policia. I'm going to fail. Spanish.

Hi, David Graham. This is Roberto from Houston. I've got an overseen for you. It's a license plate that's right in front of me

where the license plate is Bat Dad. B-A-T-D-A-D. Bat Dad. Just likeA-T-D-A-D. Batdad. Just like the Prince song. Yeah. Wow.

Oh man, I do like that Prince song a lot. I probably called in requests for that to a radio station a thousand times. And I owned the CD. It was my first ever CD purchase. The song, Batdance? The Batman soundtrack featuring the eight-minute

Batdance. But what song were you requesting? Batdance. Batdance. Okay. How did that go again? It went... Etc. Then I had a bunch of clips from the movie. Oh, sure. And where, and where, and where. Yeah, Vicky Vale.

Where does he get all those wonderful toys? This town needs an enema. I'm going to kill you. Power. I'm not going gonna kill you. Power! I'm not gonna kill you. Soul. I'm Batman. Batman! Don't stop dancing!

I'm Batman. Batman! Don't stop dancing! And where? And where? And where is the Batman? Hey, let me stick the 7-inch in the computer. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

It was just a mishmash of things. Oh, my God. That's going to be the lead-off single from that album. Yeah, absolutely. Just like, what was it? Kiss from a Rose was from the Batman 3 soundtrack yeah but no one remembers

what was on Batman Returns oh Penguin's Lament by John Williams it was the rare time that Kim Burton worked with John Williams

he waved the umbrellas in the air in the crowd oh that's right Kim Burton said Danny Elfman is too ridiculous.

I need somebody serious for this one. He's being too joyful about it. This is going to be a serious lament. He's like an elf man. Yeah. He is like an elfin man. Now, Paul. Yeah, hi.

It's time to wrap it up. Well, let's wrap it up. Do you remember the days when you guys used to get people calling in, doing all manner of racist accents? Those days are behind us. I feel like I haven't heard that in a really long time. We get a lot of calls we don't play.

Oh, there you go. I would imagine you get calls in greater volume now where you're not forced to use... I like them. Dave likes racism. He doesn't like racism, but stereotypes got to come from somewhere. Touché. Now...

Paul, you are... You're all over the internet. You have so many things. I'm all over the internet. You're mostly on Tumblr. I'm mostly there. If people want to have a fun time... I'm no Jake Fogelness, but I'm on over the internet You're mostly on Tumblr I'm mostly there I'm no Jake Fogelness but I'm on Tumblr Go to PaulFTomkins.com

Lots of fun games and apps No Where is Paul You can play that game where is Paul now The interactive Paul F. Tompkins 3D comic book game Can you help Paul there? That's all. Get to the store.

That's right. Yeah, exactly. Get to the haberdasher. And of course, my adventure with Jesse Pinkman. Yeah, exactly. Where we both shoot stuff. You continue on the storyline from Breaking Bad as if you were in Breaking Bad. Yes, yes. That's right. What you would have done in the Breaking Bad as if you were in Breaking Bad. Yes, that's right.

What you would have done in the Breaking Bad universe. Yes, were I Jesse Pinkman, but still myself. So that's the hub. That's where people can find out where you're going to be playing. Yes. I'm on Twitter. I'm on Facebook. Okay, wait.

Slow it down a bit. Who are you on Twitter? P.F. Tompkins. And on Tumblr, you are... What's the name of your Tumblr feed? Paul F. Tompkins, I guess. Is that how they find you? Yeah.

I think so, yeah. Isn't it Hubris? Something Hubris? No, no, no. That's the name of the blog. Oh, that's the blog. You're also... You know so little about Tumblr.

Oh, internets. Right? I know, they're hard. So, there's the Tumblr, Paul F. Tompkins. Yes. P. F. Tompkins is the Twitter. Yes. I have a fan page on Facebook.

There's a Pod F Tomcast group on Facebook. We have a lot of great meetings. Where's your next meeting? I think at the Hojo's. No, we next meeting? I think at the Hojo's. We're going to meet over to the Hojo's. And as you mentioned earlier, the Dead Authors podcast, which benefits 826. Well, the podcast doesn't benefit anybody, but it spreads awareness. And you do shows in conjunction with 826 LA.

Is that correct yes it's a the the podcast is a live show um that we do every month at 8 at the ucb theater in in los angeles and it's me and uh uh amazing uh hilarious improvisers from los angeles pretending to be famous dead authors wayne brady wayne Wayne Brady, Wayne Gretzky, Wayne Rogers from MASH. All the Waynes are there. Yeah. Lil Wayne, Dwayne Wayne.

Wayne Wayne going away. Bruce Wayne. This town needs an enema. And do you have any particular upcoming tour dates or shows? Oh, Graham. I bet you do.

In May. Yes. I will be embarking on a tour. A North American or just an American? A North American tour. Hot dog. This will be the Crying and Driving Tour. That is the name of it.

And I'm hitting more than a dozen cities, I think, in the United States and Canada. And everything's being, it's not finalized yet. Everything is being finalized. It's almost there. I would like to take this opportunity to shame the... Okay, not a lot of people take opportunities.

No, well, more people should. In Toronto, it's the. Well, the, in Toronto, it's the Underground Cinema, I believe. Been trying to book a show there and waiting

for them to call my manager back to finalize the date. Do you want to give your manager's number? Sure.

It's 323-1323. 930-6010. Ooh, I wouldn't want to be that guy right now. Am I right, Deadmau5? I don't understand. Because he gave out Skrillex's number. Oh, there we go. By the way, there were posters when Steve Jobs died. Yes. There were graffiti murals that went up in Los Angeles and probably other places too with pictures of Steve Jobs saying, thank you, Steve Jobs. Thanks anyway.

No, just straight up thanks. Just straight up thanks. Then the other day, I noticed in the same exact place where one of those was, a poster saying, thank you you Skrillex. What are we thanking him for? What, aren't we? Yeah, he did think different. Yeah, he created.

He's still alive, by the way. Still making his dumb music. Not as good looking as everyone says he is. Do people say he's very handsome? No, he might have been the homely guy Graham witnessed. Oh, man. Happy Valentine's Day, Skrillex. To you and your weird ladies.

From all of us. From us here at Stop Podcasting Yourself. I approve of Stop Podcasting Yourself. To you and your weird ladies. Wait, did I finish my thought? You finished. You shamed... Oh, so Tor.

Yeah, shame. Please, Toronto, I want to come back and play you you want to be inside i want to go underground you yes um so yeah uh that's one of two places that's holding everything up from being oh stop being a jerk just do it everybody hates you now i mean not enough to not go to the thing when it becomes booked but right now look if i'm getting the exact name of the place wrong, I'm sorry. But I'm also not the person not calling people back.

So I feel I retain the moral high ground. And now you have the number. No excuses. Right? You need to call Paul's manager, right? Yes. Okay. Let's do this.

Okay. I want us to make money together. It'll be fun. Let's make lots of money. Catch up, boys. I've got the make money together. It'll be fun. Let's make lots of money. Catch up, boys. I've got the brains. You've got my manager's phone number. Dave, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

We will be in Toronto at the... Well, it's sold out. But, you know, we're going to be around Toronto a couple days before. And I'm thinking we're gonna go to medieval times if anyone wants to come for brunch when is this when is this happening uh we will be in toronto uh performing performing we're performing well doing a live podcast march 3rd performance yeah and we do uh we're doing a live uh stand-up comedyhand. There you go. Observations about your crazy CN tower, et cetera. So tall.

Yeah. I wonder if it could fit in my urethra, that kind of thing. Yeah, it probably could if you fell out of the sky and landed just right. God. Is this where the show's going to be? Yep. No deal. That sold out, but it goes. Yeah.

It's too late everybody yeah exactly well not the stand up part the stand up part is at the door still plenty of tickets for this urethra material and also February 27th here in Vancouver

at the Havana Theater I'm doing a laugh gallery show right yeah it's gonna be spicy. Or rummy, or cigar-y. All of these things.

Havana. Or, uh, man, never mind. Uh, communist? I don't know, there's a brand of dog called Havanese.

Oh, sure, that's where I was going next. I'm glad you got there first. That's where I was going. Uh, but February 27th. It's a late show. February 27th at the Havana Theater. The Laugh Gallery.

$5. You cannot beat that. Oh, jeez. I'm very sorry. He just new-hearted everything. At least I turned away from the mic. Yeah, it's true. Not that old yet. Four more years. I think he leaned into the mic. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Not that old.

Yeah, four more years. I think he leaned into the mic. Four more years. Four more years. If you like this show, tell your friends, head over to MaximumFun.org where you can see a blog recap of this entire podcast. Yeah, I'll be posting pictures of every movie Steve Zahn was in. Yeah, probably a picture of Skrillex, so everybody knows. Skrillex! A little respect.

We're thanking him in posters. And may I say this? I love the blog recaps. They're really fun. If you're a listener and you hear this at the end of every show and you don't check it out, take some time and check it out, because they're really worthwhile. They are really worthwhile.

They put them up each and every week. I enjoy it because I don't see them until they come out. So I enjoy seeing what were the things that made the cut. Yes. And, you know, check out the family podcast

over at MaximumFun.org. And if you like the show, tell your friends. Come on back next week for another thrilling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. You know what's funny, Dave? Earlier today I had this thought.

It's like when I got into the hotel I was for some reason Prince's kiss was in my head well bat dance is never far from my thoughts but Prince's song Kins was in my head and the lyric you don't have to

watch Dynasty to have an attitude which is ridiculous. Does that seem dated? But then I thought, what if he had tagged you with, but it helps. You don't have to watch Falcon Crest to... To be a registered voter. Don't have to watch Falcon Crest. so good don't let what falcon chris to be registered i'm jesse thorne bullseye is all about discovering the good stuff in culture that will do nothing less than change your life you know i've never heard anything like it before it'd be like

seeing a new color which i guess is music's, like, biggest asset, is that you can hear new sounds. I'll probably never see a new color. I'll probably never experience, like, a new crazy taste. But I'll hear new sounds constantly. Culture picks, comedy, and in-depth interviews. It's the good stuff and just the good stuff in popular culture every week on Full Time. the good stuff and just the good stuff in popular culture every week on full time