Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 207 - Josie Long

Episode Date: March 6, 2012

Comedian Josie Long joins us to talk hologram gravestones, celebrity gardening, and jokes that go nowhere.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 207 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is the Sebastian to my bell, Mr. Dave Shonka. Yeah, I think Sebastian is the fuzzy dog. Is that right? The Pyrenees? Sure.

Sure, and you're the pretty... Pretty lady. Pretty girl. Sure, and you're the pretty... Pretty lady. Pretty girl. And our guest today, all the way from London, England, somebody who was in town for the Comedy Festival. We got to know her at the MaxFunCon, Miss Josie Long.

Hello. Hello! It's my pleasure to come to the new world to speak to you people. Thanks for being on the podcast. Oh my god, it's such a... it's a treat. It's gonna be a treat, I feel it. Let's get to you people. Thanks for being on the podcast. Oh my God. It's such a, it's a treat. It's going to be a treat.

I feel it. Let's get to know us. Josie, we met you last year at Maxwell and Con where you were doing standup comedy. Yep. And everybody there loved you. Like you were, no,

you were the, would you say that you were like the, the undiscovered entity and everybody there loved you like you were no you were the would you say that you were like the the undiscovered entity and everybody thought you were like you're that you were the new world yeah you were the new world uh but you did uh you did a set and it was uh it was like this very kind of i it's always the worst when you ask a comedian to describe their style but it was very like i haven't seen anything like that in north america what you do oh wow it's more it's a bit like more theatrical yeah most of the comedians here are rodeo based that's right so we we don't see a lot of bringing out like a mechanical cow and then i stay on the cow yeah but i didn't want to bring that to the states because i thought you know why sell apples to the appleman that's an expression right yeah why sell apples to the orchard yeah um

but yeah you did you did this uh amazing job there and uh but can i say you did a really brilliant theatrical thing if you're oh me. My invisible brother. Yeah. That was incredible. Thank you. And when I saw it, I was really like, Oh, what am I doing?

I've got to make this a bit more. I'm a phony. What I loved about that bill as well was that everyone on it was doing stuff that was so alternative. And so like, yeah. Oh, do you know what I've just realized as well?

I've only recently seen Eastbound and down and that guy who was doing the incredible stand-up where all he did was sort of setups and tropes where he's like he knows what i'm saying yeah what's his name andy daly andy dead and he's obviously in eastbound and down yes incredible in it and so retrospectively i missed out on my chance to be all starstruck uh due to my own lack of being informed yeah but then maybe who knows maybe like that was the best way just to not know yeah and he was like wow she was she was probably the coolest around me everybody else was acting real starstruck but that josie she knew how to keep it on the level um so uh now the one thing that, that Graham probably doesn't want me to bring this up, but you, uh, Graham lent you his sweater, uh, that evening and he was very worried that he wouldn't

get it back. Because it was the only sweater I had. You got it back, didn't you? I did, yeah. Wow, so you're still pissed off about it, though. Yep. I carry a grudge. So good, right.

I was like, we should have Josie on the show and he was like I don't know man what if she shows up without a sweater is what I said well so you did it make you really tense

for the whole evening yeah no it did not but that was the cause I didn't I say

oh we we should have Josie on and then you said it wasn't that the girl that tried to steal your sweater these are conversations and then i realized that you're dicks yeah yeah you're in the hot seat yeah this is an intervention um i love that we both made up conversations about in one i suggested having Josie in one. You did. Well, welcome.

Thank you. That's how we like to reset the show. The good vibes. Welcome. Now, you've traveled all over the world doing stand-up? Yeah, all over the English-speaking world. There you go. That's the thing.

I realized really recently that when I was growing up, I secretly wanted to be like there's a scottish group that i loved called bis and they were really really they were like a band and they're really big in japan like japanese people and crazy for them and i don't really know in what context i wanted it but i was like all i want in my life is to be big in japan and then i realized this last year like why would japanese people want an English person doing stand-up? They never would want that. That is never going to happen for me. And it's been heartbreaking.

Yeah, I guess. Like, that's, if that was the thing that you wanted, then you really charted maybe the wrong course.

Maybe if you started doing Japanese pop music. I know. But now I'm like, too late, you know. No, it's never too late.

What, to be a J-pop star? Yeah. Please. J-pop, K-pop. Oh, K-pop. Oh, K-pop. What are the other big pops?

Dirty Pop by NSYNC. Mini Pops. Yeah, Mini Pops. Is Mini Pops children dancing around the pop music? Yeah, singing and dancing, yeah. Yeah. Does that cross the ocean? Is that over in Britain as well?

I think in the 70s it used to exist. Oh, it still exists. Oh, does it exist today? Yeah. I just saw they were singing, I think, I feel like Waving Flag was one of the songs. Oh, okay. Maybe A Born This Way. Yeah, sometimes they'll do songs that are like a little bit adult.

Yeah, but they'll tone them down. They'll change some lyrics. Will they really? Like, Born This Way was, you know. It's getting hot in here. Let's all take off our hats. I gotcha. Wow, okay.

So you guys have many pops. I think there's another Canadian. Lollipops. Lollipops, sure. Corn pops. Soda pops. Soda pops. Thank you. Yeah, well done. mini pops we have other i think there's another lollipops lollipop jerk corn pops soda pop soda pops thank you yeah well done um so your dream of being a japanese pop star is not realized but i'm not ready to write it off no it's so nice yeah well why why uh you know get a keytar what

what would be popular in a japanese pop group what type of uh music are we talking about some real folksy right just a guitar i was actually talking to one of my friends about this because sometimes they really don't go for things that you think they would go for right give me an example what do you mean they they you know them those people not um you know You know, them. Those people. That lot. You know, them lot. I find it strange what Western stuff becomes popular there. Yeah. And like... What is popular there right now? I don't know right now, but like, you know, Cheap Trick.

We should find that out. Cheap Trick was big in Japan? Yeah, their big album was live at Budokan. Oh, yeah. And like, they weren't really, in the United States. And they sold out these shows in Japan. Huh. But that's almost ideal.

Because then you can walk around where you live and no one really bothers you. And then you go to Japan and you're having a wonderful time like a superstar. But that's a long way from your house. And then you go back out again. Does it have to be Japan? Could it be another country that you don't live in?

Is that what you're looking for? Do you know, I would almost settle for anywhere. As long as there was a country. Like Luxembourg. Yeah, sure. If I show up in Luxembourg and everyone's like,

holy shit. Cause I knew a guy here who is a poet named Shane Koyzan. And in Germany, some very famous DJ in Germany sampled one of his recordings. And so when he went to Germany, all of his shows sold out within the day. And he had no idea.

He didn't know why. And somebody said, oh, you're like on the number two most popular song in Germany. You're the voice of that song. So people came to dance at his poetry? I don't know he said the most most uh gothic people you've ever seen showed up he just said all these like uh you know and like german goths like they set the standard the world over busy goths that's exactly that is

where goths come from yeah see that is such a wonderful niche as well like not just to be famous in a part of the world where you don't live and where you have no reason to be but to be famous among a particular subgroup like what yeah what if you what if you were somebody mixed you on a track and then you were really popular with greasers but only in like a small town in thailand that comes back to that whole morrissey being really really big with like latino kids in los angeles yeah and how glorious that is do you think now does he play to that as all does he does he ever like go and do a show in like an area where it would be all i think he does los angeles i think he lives by yeah yeah huh yeah i can see i see what you're i see what you're going for here in terms of the uh

like i could see why that would be an attractive way to have your life it'd be like having a secret identity right yeah like you would you tell anybody that you're big over there would you keep that to yourself what i would do is i would be like totally quiet not tell a soul but then i would take a friend on holiday to the place i'll be like hey do you fancy coming to belarus they're like why oh it's just nice this time of year and then get off the plane it's like all these greasers show up with flick cones if you could do it where would you go uh i i i mean i can totally understand like now that you've like laid it out i see the attractiveness of it i would want it to be in some like crazy northern town like way like like a yukon or uh you know

somewhere that's close to the the north. Oh, Graham, thanks for coming. Yeah, exactly. They'd be really appreciative if I did one shortly. We're going to give you our last rations for the winter. Dave, where would you go? I would go somewhere nice. Sure, like what? Like a Bahamas?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm not really a heat person. I don't like the heat. Sure. So, you know. Seattle? Northern Europe, maybe. Somewhere where, you know, they maybe speak English enough to take my order in a restaurant. Like, no way.

Yeah, any of those places. Although they do have that butter shortage in Norway. Yeah, yeah. What? Dave loves butter. They had a butter shortage over Christmas. That's depressing. Yeah, because everyone was... There was a butter diet in Norway.

How is that ever convincing? Like, what, so I just eat this saturated fat and I'll get thinner? That sounds plausible. Yeah, I don't know. Is it saturated? Of course. It's butter. How could it be worse for you?

It's butter. I think there's worse things for you than butter. I mean, it comes from... A poison. An arsenic. Sure, sure. Okay, if there was like an arsenic diet... Well, you'd lose weight.

That weight is your bio muscle mass from decomposition the soul escaping from your body what is that 21 grams something like that yeah sure yeah so they were uh there was a big butter diet uh but i think it was like you lose weight because you only eat butter oh you also lose friends yeah but like uh uh and then christmas time came and they make these traditional um uh like uh norwegian buns that that have a lot of butter in them and everyone went to get even more butter and then there were lineups for butter that's like a first world problem in the industry yeah because of a weird diet and it seems like very short-sighted in a country where you knew it was christmas is going to be our big butter season the goose is getting fat yeah

you would think that you would bring in extra butter just to capitalize. But there was a picture of like a fridge with, you know, a thing that said, we're no more butter. Like it had been completely bare. It had been ransacked. Everybody went and got the last of the butter. So, you know what? We missed an opportunity to be like butter millionaires. You could have put some on eBay.

Yeah. Yeah. Canadian butter millionaires. You could have put some on eBay. Yeah, Canadian butter on eBay. And just mail it over there in a cooler. Yeah. Or you just butter pieces of paper and fold it over and then send it in an envelope. And then they scrape it off onto their toaster. How did you affix the stamp to the envelope? Butter. I reckon if you covered a piece of paper

in butter and then it soaked it up, you could then put like a Norwegian bun in the microwave with the sheet of paper on top and butter would melt and fall onto the bun. That's a good idea. You're welcome. You're welcome, Norge. Yeah.

We just solved your butter shortage. Next. So you've played all over the English-speaking world, and you were talking about going to Edinburgh, and you're the first comic I've ever talked to that's made any kind of profit in Edinburgh. That makes it seem like I was walking away with fistfuls of cash. Well, I mean, we were talking about it,

but basically I don't lose loads of money on Edinburgh, but that's all because we don't really have posters or flyers or, you know, any sort of press or anything like that. We do it really, really small scale. Do you know all the names of the members of your street team? Well, I don't really have a street team. I'm just joking. Well, last year I had two flyers, but I never really met them.

But this year I'm actually thinking about... In fact, if I could put a shout out onto the podcast. If anyone would like to be my flyer for Edinburgh, I'm going to be taking on three flyers. You have to be committed to working for very little money and being cheery. So now explain the benefits. Now, what are the benefits? Josie will not learn your name.

Oh, that's awful. I didn't even get to meet them last year. All the butter you can eat. That's true. All the butter paper. All the buttered paper you can microwave. That's what you're paid in. They just come up to me and I butter some sheets of paper and just flick them over.

Eat it in good health. Go on that no-weight diet. I bet you would lose weight just eating buttered paper. You would also lose hope. Vision. Now, have you already written your show

that you're doing in Edinburgh? Oh, heavens no. Oh, my word no. What kind of shows? You write it the night before, right? I write it on stage the first day. You're right around, ugh, exit signs are weird. So, hey, what's your name? Come back tomorrow, okay?

I'll have a bit about you. Basically, what I tend to do is I just finished a tour in the UK, which was quite a little tour of my last show that I did. What was the show called? It was called the future is another place. Nice.

Thank you. And then it's basically about starting, trying to battle with how angry I am at the conservative government in the UK and trying to like start becoming an activist. But it's also about trying to battle with not really wanting to rant about politics on stage and wanting to like do silly things on stage and just muck around and so it's sort of like a balance between those things and and it's also a little bit like um this is gonna sound so pretentious about like situationism and about reimagining the world and like about being optimistic about that and um about like different people that i

like who are cool um and time travel and time travel and fish puns place uh but um so i just finished that and then march april ma'am hopefully not going to do too much stand-up or writing just have some time off and then what i tend to do is i write my item show may june july right and what it means is there's this like immense pressure on every interaction i have for it to be enlightening and yeah yeah like relevant sure and i find myself like steering conversations like if i know like last year this show was kind of about politics and that kind of thing so i'd be like hey so what do you think about the future you know to people in shops and people on the street they're like are you gonna buy that candy or are you gonna talk about the future future isn't it but also like you find yourself like anytime you make anyone laugh thinking like oh is that a But it's quite nice. It's a nice calendar

to operate. It sounds really nice. I've never written a thing like a piece that I would put a title on or anything like that, right? It would just be Here's 11 jokes. Yeah, here's some dumb jokes I wrote. I think that's what leads

British comics to have a haughty sense of self importance I'm like a band because I've released albums have you the worst part is no other person cares about it you care about it because it's your stuff

and maybe you have it gets fewer and fewer the amount of people that have seen all your shows each year because you need people who have been in there from the start people can't necessarily see you for seven years in a row Fewer and fewer the amount of people that have seen all your shows each year because you need people who've been in there from the start. And, you know, people can't necessarily see you for seven years in a row. They're going to be like, I'm bored of you and your voice and your talking. Well, you'll have to get a new hairdo, try a whole new look.

Really wow them. It's like, you know, most people, they're just not going to talk to you about your work because you're a buffoon. You're not doing your work not you're just an idiot and so it's hard because then you're like well of course you know in interviews they're like tell me about your worst gig and you're like when i was doing my third tour which departure for me it's just so sad but that's that's i think that's a really cool like that's a really interesting it seems like that's a very interesting, it seems like that's a very British thing.

That's not a North American thing, necessarily, where you're like, I have to write material for this. For this piece. Yeah, for this thing I'm doing. It's, you just kind of, I don't know, most people just don't write material. They write an hour and stick with it. Yeah. So, this Lewinsky thing. But then there's still

that in the UK. There's very much a split between Club Comics and Fringy Comics. And Benny Hill, who is dead. Oh, it's a shame. He's one of the country's leading dead comics. He's among the top. There's some other people chasing his grave.

Some ladies. Oh, he's running round and round the stone. Ghosts. I want to go and find his grave and run round and round it. In fast motion. Just as a tribute, not to take the piss. His grave has a little censor if you go too close to it.

It plays Yakety Sax. It's great. It's the funniest grave. Well, is it the funniest grape? Whose grape would be funnier? Oh, this could be... It could be going down a bad path in this one. When we die, we have to make sure we have really funny grapes, then.

Yeah, no doubt. I think in the future. Well, the future is a something place. You forgot about it. You couldn't remember it. That was three minutes ago, guys. I just don't understand why you don't respect my work. Doesn't that one bad gig you had on your third tour? In the future, I think gravestones will be different. They won't just be stones, right?

They'll be holograms. I think that people a couple hundred years ago would have said that about now. They'd be like, they're not going to just still be dumb stones and burying people. People now have photos on their gravestones. Have you seen that? Yep. You wouldn't have had that 50 years ago. Yeah. Yeah, I guess not. Coming in the shape of a heart.

People do really go for it. But it's still stone. Nobody gets a plastic. Yeah, no one not, nobody gets, like, a plastic. Yeah, no one wants to be replacing batteries. I go, every day, every... With some flowers and some batteries. Yeah, every week I go and drop off some flowers. Gotta keep the batteries cold in the freezer.

I think, was there some movie where the... Or am I just making this up in real time? Where you would go to the gravestone and it would trigger a thing and then there would be a hologram of the person who would tell you about their life. Is that a thing? You might be thinking of a museum.

Oh, like when you walk past and there's a person, but instead of a head, there's a TV. And when you go past it goes, welcome, traveler. Yeah, yeah. Now, would that be great or would it be horrible? Because,

uh, there'd be, first of all, it'd be scary because holograms would just be popping up and starting to talk to you. But if you were standing next to another grave and they were taught, would they be talking over each other? And some people's lives weren't as good.

Like you, like it's, we imagine it would be, I just sat around for the last 40 years of my life. Oh, yeah. I was a professional trample victim. Every day I would get trampled. Is that a thing in Canada?

Yeah, no, it's like when you said, hello, traveler, I was thinking of like an actor portraying benjamin franklin yeah oh yeah i'm harry houdini would they just get would you get an actor to portray your life that would be hilarious to get an actor and you would have to coach them with it and be like i'm not like that yeah stop it and the person's like i'm making choices yeah that's what this is about and depending how rich you are uh you are, that depends how good of an actor you can get. Oh, wow. So if you're really good, you get like Daniel Craig.

Yeah. I don't know whether he's a good actor, to be honest. He's pretty intense. He's pretty good in the hologram grave circuit. He's one of the top guys. But then wouldn't it be bad if you had daniel craig and the grave next to you also had daniel craig or the next the grave next to you was daniel yeah and he was being portrayed by like matthew lillard

from uh starship troopers yeah sure scream yeah yeah oh where's... Matthew Lill. We know he's a big listener of the show. Yeah, what's up, M. Lill? He's very funny in Scream, isn't he? I haven't seen it. You haven't seen Scream? I haven't Screamed. What are you doing? Is it not big in Canada?

No, it was big here. I just... Did you really never see Scream? I saw the opening scene. Yeah, that's the thing. And then you were like, no more Drew Barrymore rip-off. I'm leaving.

And then, I don't know. didn't like sit down to watch it I just missed it and then I never it's like one of those like everyone knows the scary parts at this point yeah I just watched Transformers this weekend I haven't seen it oh it's bad

the Michael Bay Shia LaBeouf vehicle or maybe it was the sequel but either way it was something I hadn't seen. And it's, uh... I mean, you know. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? I saw the first one in theater, and it was, like, the action, and you couldn't follow it.

Maybe it was the second one I was watching. Because you couldn't follow it. It was in Egypt? Was that the second one? I don't know. They destroy the pyramids, and nobody seems to be too bothered by it. Ugh. Because everybody in it is American for some reason.

I don't know how they figured that out. To hold it in a place where there aren't a ton of Americans but make the entire cast American. Anyways, it was really well done. So you said you're going to take March and April off.

What do you do? Plans? Yeah, what are you going to do? Water skiing? Oh, I wish. I actually did water skiing last August for a day. My friend took me out and... Was it the worst? No, no.

I was so scared beforehand because I just assumed I would break my legs. Had you ever been before? No. But I've done skiing like a couple of days and I actually went again in January. And I like to think with exercise. Like in the last few years, done skiing like a couple of days and i actually went again in january and so sort of and i like to think with exercise like in the last few years i've had a real shift mentally where i think no

you can do it you'll probably be good at it just need like still small voice of calm just bloody get on with it you know so i thought i'd be all right but i was really bad really yeah because it whips out yeah i don't think anybody goes first time on water skiing like, well, I'm a natural. I don't even need these skis. I'm going to go barefoot next time. I'll tell you what happened as well, right? I forgot that if you fall off the skis, that's game over for the water skiing.

You don't need to keep holding on to the rope. Yeah. Because what will happen then is you'll be dragged face down in the water. But I nearly drowned myself just by like, Bernard, don't let go.. But I just like, there's this bit, I nearly drowned myself just by like, Bernard, don't let go! So I'm just like,

do, do, do. Yeah. It was kind of great. I'm Matthew Lillard and I play Josie Long. I drowned by not letting go. Oh man. Yeah,

I've done water skiing once and yeah, as soon as the boat took off, I let go of the thing and I was like, well, this stinks. No, I think I've told this the thing and I was like well this stinks no I think I've told this story before

but I did the same thing of holding on and getting dragged and my trunk's falling no but they stayed intact but like I think they got

you know they went down I was like 10 oh but I did manage to get up I was up for about 30 seconds

and was it great yeah but I tell you what happened was I really jarred my wrist like I really hurt it yeah and. I was up for about 30 seconds. And was it great? Yeah, but I tell you what happened was I really jarred my wrists. Like, it really hurt them. Yeah. And then I've sort of started doing this on stages a bit, so I shouldn't.

But I got given some champagne the next day. So I'm doing this show that's like a really self-righteous. As a congratulations. In an unrelated incident, I was given a crate of champagne. And my show's like this really worthy thing about social justice and about how i really care about social justice and then i'm literally walking to the show going my wrist is so sore from water skiing i can't carry my champagne i'm just like oh god but yeah i'm saying water skiing seems like

the most unnatural of all sports right because like downhill skiing seems like it would have happened accidentally. But how did the first person who water skied... I don't know. Have you seen the guys who jump out of planes with those... Or jump off cliffs with those flying squirrel suits? What? Oh, what? Where they just kind of go...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They put their limbs out and there's material that just sort of lets them coast on the air. Yeah. And then do they have a parachute to finish that off? Yeah, probably. No, they land. In midair, they put on skis and then they land in the water. And it's too unnatural.

And form a pyramid. Yeah. Wow. I wish that were true. Part of it is. I would love to do things like that but I think I'm I just what happened to your little voice

that said that you could do it but then there comes a point where you go if I die doing this that will be a real waste of 80 years potential extra life you know

sure and I mean that's like George Byrne's levels of not dying but nonetheless but he used to do that squirrel suit. At the end of his life, with his extra skin. That is an argument for getting super fat and then getting really fat, isn't it?

Yeah, right? Oh, that's like a, yeah, it's an evolutionary. It puts the lotion on the skin. Evolutionary. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh not a heck of a lot last weekend I did a show and this is a rarity

you don't see Dave doing a lot of the stand up shows I did a show as part of the Giants series of comedy shows and they're in Vancouver every month or so and it's an evening of comedy and. And they're in Vancouver every month or so. And it's an evening of comedy. And they do these videos in between every comedian that sort of introduce the comedian.

And usually the comedian is there, involved in the making of the video. But I couldn't be involved in it. And they were so apologetic about it because... What, at the show? Yeah. Like, what happened is they said, oh, Dave, can you do this show? And I was like, sure.

Also, can you be here at these times to shoot a video? And I was like, no, I cannot. Yeah. And so one day they said, okay, we will sort of move our schedule around and we'll shoot the video with you at night. And so we'll call you that day to let you know what time, where and when to meet us. And then I got a call that day saying, oh, we managed to shoot it without you, so don't worry about it. And so the day of the show, I get a call from someone saying, oh, the video they shot without you is terrible. We can't use it.

And so I show up to the show and everyone gets introduced with these sort of videos that are all sort of part of one long story. This sounds way complex. Yeah, I know. It's getting there. long story. This sounds way complex. Yeah, I know. It's getting there. And then, except the video introducing me was

just a couple pictures of me from Facebook. In Memorandum. And then music playing in the background. So everyone had these sort of fun videos to introduce them. And you know what? It made no difference.

I didn't care at all. They were just so apologetic to me about this thing that I didn't care about. Now, how did it go? How did the set go? It's a weird... Because I did it, and I bombed. It's a weird room. Who else? What kind of people do it? What sort of a night is it?

It's a mix of improv Who else, what kind of people do it? What sort of a night is it? It's a mix of improv and stand-up and sketch and then at the end there's like a long sketch. Right. Josie's on board. You can tell how excited she was.

Oh, I was listening. But it sounds like bullshit. That sounds good or something. Well, as I was telling the story of my video things, I was like, I don't really remember how things happened. How much more of this story do I have to tell? Is it still my turn to talk? So, yeah, no.

I didn't bomb but like it wasn't uh it's not a great uh setup for comedy i uh i remember you were there but you didn't bomb yeah i did well you guys were laughing but that was it there was a table of you and uh abby and one maybe one other person that thought it was great but i have a i have a keen sense for zeroing in on the one thing the audience doesn't want to hear more about. And then only talking about that. And do you do that in a kind of like, well,

forget you. Yeah. It's not, it sounds charming when you're not having to be subjected to it. I think it is how, you know, how else are you supposed to deal with an audience not going for it? Like, because actually being really like, okay, I'll do whatever you want.

They're like, don't be desperate. We don't like you. We're not going to like you even if you do what we like. We don't like you. Yeah, because that's true. I decided that I wanted to talk about this one thing. And I talked about it ad nauseum, which was... Ron McLean.

This Canadian... He hosts the National Hockey Show. Right. And then there was a picture of him at a bar. And he was really drunk, and he was shirtless, and he was playing air guitar. And it didn't run in any of the major newspapers or anything. It was like it was it was

like the media agreed to let it go yeah i feel like in the states that would be a big deal yeah would it be a big deal in uh great britain uh the united kingdom of great britain okay i'm trying to think of somebody who's thank you for giving my country its proper name due respect I hope you realise that as an English person you Canadians are not worth quite as much to the Queen as I am but I am worth a little bit that's true

are we above Australia in the ranking oh yeah yeah yeah but like if there was a British television presenter, as you say... What would you say? Anchor?

Host. Drunk. Yeah. I'm trying to think because... I'm trying to think if there have been any similar scandals, really. I think if somebody was pictured really, really drunk. So I'm trying to think... Like, with a shirt off.

Yeah, taking their shirt off. I think the most offensive pictured really, really drunk. So I'm trying to think. Like with a shirt off. Yeah. I think the most offensive part is the air guitar. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, it depends. It depends on. No one likes the air guitar guy. But also, this was in a bar where I feel like, I don't think it was like, you know, I don't think it was a gay bar or something.

I think like a guy with his shirt off at a bar. It wasn't in the middle of summer. I don't think it was a gay bar or something. Like, I think like a guy with his shirt off at a bar, it wasn't in the middle of summer. I don't think it was inappropriate for him to be shirtless at this bar. It was like a function. It's not so bad behavior. It's rowdy behavior. Right. So,

yeah, like it's a victimless crime. Yeah, exactly. And to that end, I think, so say it was Alan Titchmarsh. He's like a celebrity gardener. What's his name again?

Alan Titchmarsh. Celebrity gardener? What's that? Do you not have celebrity gardeners? I know what both of those words mean, but I've never heard them together. That is pretty great. Is he famous for gardening, or does he garden celebrities?

He's famous for gardening. I'm a little disappointed that he doesn't garden celebrities. I've put a lovely hedge next to your leg. Yeah. No, he does like a big TV show called Gardener's World. Wow. About gardening. G-dub.

Do you not have any TV shows like that? I think we have a channel that has Home and Garden. But it's mostly Home. Although there's a show on the Seattle NBC affiliate called Gardening with Cisco. The Singer. But it's not The Singer. It's just this white guy with a mustache. God, that's disappointing.

I know. That is almost painfully disappointing. That made me feel like five years old like I was going to cry. Why put the show on if it's not the real Sisqon? Yeah. So this celebrity, we got...

I want to know more. I want to know everything. Tell us about Alan Hedgeman. He's a man in his early 60s and he's just like a housewife's favorite guy. And he sort of comes on and, you know, he's a bit right wing and a bit like staid. And he will kind of, you know, teach people how to. There was a big craze in the 90s for decking. So it was like, if you've got a garden, you've got to get some decking in that garden.

What is that? Like a patio? Yeah, like a wooden patio. But it was like a massive thing. It was like everything was decking in that garden. What is that? Like a patio? Yeah, like a wooden patio. Okay. But it was like a massive thing. It was like everything was decking. And I'll tell you something about Gardener's World. I think it's called Gardener's World. I mean, obviously, I don't really adhere to it.

We'll believe it. Yeah. But what they did was, this is going to blow your mind. So they used to do this thing. I can't remember if it's Gardener's World. I think it's called something else like Garden Team. What is it called? It might not even be Alan Titchmarsh.

It might be another celebrity gardener. There's more than one? Oh, mate. Charlie Gimmick, who's this woman who's famous because she never wore a bra. And she was like 50. But she was really famous. Because every photo, she'd just be free and natural, which I guess is kind of great. Well, if you're in the natural world.

Exactly. You're in the gardener's, you know. Yeah. Flowers don't have to wear bras. Why do I? So, right. What they do is they have this thing. Because they don't live to be 50.

So people show up. Okay. This is right. First, I'm going to tell you the format and then I'll tell you what they do. This is great. Okay. I'm worried that I'm talking too much. No, no, no.

No, no, no. You could not say enough words about this okay so the format is they would show up at someone's house whose garden was like a tip like had an old fridge in it like didn't have any decking obviously yeah and then what they would do it was the 90s the person was out they bloody make over the garden they put in a rockery they put in a nice decking and the person comes back and they're like holy shit this is brilliant they do ones with houses as well we have those oh who did they do it for the other year

Nelson Mandela is who they did it for and I'm not exaggerating they went to Nelson Mandela's house and they made over his garden so they go to like famous people's houses or just regular people not usually normal regular people's? Not usually. Normal, regular people.

These are celebrity gardeners. Yeah, it was a celebrity gardener, celebrity edition featuring Nelson Mandela. But it was just so weird. And the way they advertised and promoted the show was with this real reverence, which is very deserved for Nelson Mandela. But it was like, we go to South Africa to visit Nelson Mandela and put decking in his car. It was so weird. It's quite a long time ago now.

But what I'm saying is if Alan Titchmarsh was photographed, top off, air guitar. Yeah. Or air cello. Yeah, sure. Airbag pipe. I think it would definitely be news. I don't think it would be a scandal per se. I think it would be...

He would be mocked. What if that braless lady was? Okay, then it would definitely be more of a thing, I think. I was trying to think of a cheeky British headline for that. Swing low, sweet chariots. Something like that. But I mean, she has nothing to do with chariots, so that doesn't work. It needs to be like a gardening pun.

Yeah. I don't know any... That's the thing. When you said rockery, that just blew my mind wide open. And I didn't say anything because I was like, oh, I guess Dave knows what rockery is. It's like a rock garden, right? Is that what it is? Yeah, sort of, yeah.

Some pebbles? Or is it just putting rocks into a thing where there aren't any rocks? Is it Stonehenge? I've done some rockery. What do you mean by that? I threw some rocks into the window. I left some rocks around. Is it a noun?

A rockery? Or is it a verb? Yeah, it's a rockery. My mum made a rockery in my house when I was a kid. Okay, what did it look like? So basically you just put some rocks. Do you paint them? You paint them to look like lay boats. You made a mockery of my rockery. That was just superb.

So you just get loads of rocks and you put them in a flatbed and you plant little plants in between. You maybe put little ornaments in it. Oh, like what we would call a stonery. Yes. You would not we don't do a lot of celebrity gardens not as much as we could obviously but i bet you guys have a genre of celebrities that i would find ridiculous oh yeah we i mean um i mean not necessarily in canada itself well's the thing. I was talking to somebody from the UK yesterday, and I said that Canada, even more so than the States,

has an abundance of wedding shows. Like, wedding shows, we've got about probably eight of them that are just Canadian productions about buying a dress, or there's one where a stranger plans your wedding. Oh, there's one in the UK called Don't tell the bride and it's hilarious they get the groom to plan the wedding and i find it so insulting on every level because it's like what otherwise the groom wouldn't normally be involved and like they don't right you were you were a groom recently yeah involved i was involved like i i said yes to things yeah i didn't really yeah i was uh happy to get married

and so it's like yeah sure i didn't really have an opinion on most of the things so but what if you had to plan a wedding would you know what would you you would would you crumble under pressure i would not tell the the bride you're not supposed to do the brides know that they're getting married? oh god that would be so much worse if it was like surprise you must marry me today and this is the

Spiderman themed party I set up they just thought they were going to make copies this copy place looks a lot like a church um yeah but i think most of like the weird sort of or like reality style tv shows in canada are just low budget versions of the american ones right right right so what is it now that's i'm trying to figure out in my head like what is a an area Well, obviously, hockey commentators would be our number one Canada-based celebrity that you wouldn't have in Britain. But I'm trying to think of something more... There's a lot of house-fixing shows.

Mike Holmes. Mike Holmes, Homes on Homes. He's our big... Come on, Homes on Homes. Yeah. Come on. And he goes into people's houses that are that were built wrong and then he kind of insults he's kind of like a gordon like a nicer gordon ramsay

right when he goes in and he fixes the thing but he doesn't swear at them or whatever so he's just like wow this timber's stupid yeah yeah yeah he sometimes he insults the house. I think the only original Canadian one is Canada's Worst Driver. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to have that. Oh, okay. It's probably not. Nothing's original. Is the UK just like the minor leagues of reality shows?

Like it's a proven ground? Damn you! I think we invented reality TV. You did. But Americans take them and make them bigger. What I find amazing about American reality TV that you don't really get in the UK is the constant recapping of music. So it would be like, Claire decides she's walking back. Walking back to happiness.

And then it would be like, after walking back. Walking back to happiness. And then it'll be like, after walking back, Claire, and like, I just, and then it cuts to her saying, and so I was walking back. Yeah.

And he just said, guys, if you cut all this crap, we could get this done in two minutes and we could get on with our lives and not over an hour, you know? The relevant information is here,

but, two minute reality shows. I'd be into it. Like, 28 minutes of advertising. I'd be like, Mike and Claire's kids are badly behaved. We brought the nanny round. She told them some rules.

They followed the rules. The kids are better behaved. They're happy now. Bye. Oh, thanks. Yeah, do we have any celebrity nannies? Oh, you know who's the worst Canadian one? It's the guy on that dog show who just yells at people.

You hate that guy. I hate that guy. He's like the dog whisperer guy, but he's like a shittier person. The dog shouter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He shouts at the owners. He just berates people. Yeah.

That's entertainment. Yeah, and he yanks on dogs' tails a lot. No, I didn't make that up. I've got someone I hate. rates people. Yeah. That's entertainment. Yeah, and he yanks on dogs' tails a lot. No, I didn't make that up. I've got someone I hate. Do you have a show called Come Dine With Me? Yeah. Do you have Canadian Come Dine With Me? We took Come Dine With Me, which is funny in the British version, and then we made it

painfully hard to watch. Wow, really? Yeah, the Canadian version is like that, but without the commentary. I hate that guy. Well, that's the only thing on the show, isn't it? Isn't that the thing that holds the show together? No, it's the beautiful dynamic of people and the food they cook.

That guy ruins it. The show is people have dinner parties for each other, and then they go like each around each house yeah each each of them has a different different dinner party over like three or four nights but in the british version series uh no the canadian version it's like they've gone out of their way to find four people that are like wacky wacky people who aren't there's no way they'll get along but in the british one it's like there's just like shades of yes right it's like somebody who's like a little bit less classy than this person.

But, you know, this one will be like, this guy runs a paintball course. And this woman, you know, is one of Canada's top business lady. And it's like, they're not going to have anything to say to each other. Isn't there one that's like that, but with weddings where brides go to each other's... Oh, for weddings. For weddings, yeah. I watched a marathon of that last week and then what's going on with my life and we also have a show here called gardening world rockery now yeah decking today i'd like it was called

just check in on your decking and someone comes in and goes like nice decking you know it's a pretty good deck two minutes oh that might have been nice decking would have been the clever headline if that lady was talking. Yeah, we did it. How about you, Graham? How has your week been? It's okay. I went, I did a workshop with kids this week. I have a friend who is friends with somebody who runs like an after-school program for kids that's like an arts-based thing so they sing and they do

theater stuff and they asked if i would come in and talk to them just about comedy like i didn't really have an idea of what to do okay but you've done one of these before it with a different organization but this sounds like uh these kids were might have been into it okay there's nothing worse than having to do a workshop to children who do not want to be there yeah it was it like i because i mean i don't ever have i don't have any nieces or nephews or anything so i don't ever like i don't have any contact with kids so i don't i have no frame of reference for what like i was like what are kids gonna think is funny or you know interesting or whatever so i just got them to tell me jokes because i was like i don't and they love puns that's the big thing they uh the joke that got the biggest laugh was... Nice decking? It was like that. It was like, you know, what is a computer's favorite type of music?

Let's see if you can guess. Oh, I love puns. Is it folk jazz? Yep. Folk jazz fusion. I don't know, Graham. Somebody, one of the kids guessed right away techno, which makes sense. Okay.

But the answer was disco. Yeah, but the kids were falling over. They were laughing so hard at that. Computers don't even use discs anymore. These kids have never seen a disc in their lives. They just know that it works so uh so that was really weird doing that uh and in the intro the lady who runs the program was like uh this is graham clark he's a comedian he also uh because i i sold one of my beard paintings and gave the money to that place.

By the way, Graham paints things with his beard. That's right. I use it as a paintbrush. Are they abstracts or are they... Oh, I'll show you some pictures of them. They started abstract. Now they're... What's the opposite of abstract?

Giraffes. Giraffes, etc. But then, like, it was doing the did the whole workshop and then the lady said does anybody have any questions for graham and every question was do you really paint with your beard and then i'd be like yes and that's what they put up their head do you really though uh yes why do you do that why do you how do you get the paint out? Why is there paint on your shoes? Because I had boots on that had paint on them. And then it was just, all they wanted to talk about was paint with the beard.

But you know what? These kids, they're the future. I thought that I didn't know what to expect. They were a lot smarter than I expected, but I didn't realize that kids liked puns so much. That really blew my mind. I really opened me up to a whole other... I guess next time, if I go, I'll have to just look up puns and they'll think, that's funny?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I find very weird is, if ever I try really hard to write jokes, all I come up with is puns. Like, if I sit down and go, right, today, you are a comedian, you've got the day to write write you're going to write some jokes I always write like who's the nuttiest singer

who? Mark Almond yeah come on soft sell oh and he's also really nutty it works on both levels yeah it does

because he's quite unusual see those kids even though they probably wouldn't know who it was they'd be like you know kids do that crazy laughter we uh i had a book of jokes when i was a kid and i remember one of them was uh uh where were aha you speaking of norway the band Where Was Aha When the Lights Went Out? And the answer was In the Dark. I don't understand. That's me neither. Isn't that the name of an album?

I thought so, but I've looked it up and it's not. It makes no sense. What? I've since looked into that joke. Oh, no, I get it. Because it's just a literal thing, right? Where Was Aha When the Lights Went Out? They were in the dark. But why Aha? because they were popular at the time oh maybe that's amazing i could just say that about anyone yeah yeah where was abba when the lights went out in

the dark all the way up to your lincoln parks or whatever sure this is the time goes by the one that i never got as a kid was how do you get down from a horse and then i'd say you don't you get down from a duck and i was like what the fuck does that mean and it took i think it was like a decade before i was like oh down is a thing like it's not also just a place that you are there's been a real spate on on my facebook feed in the last two weeks of people myself myself included, finally getting the joke, why did the chicken cross the road

to get to the other side? What do you mean, get that joke? Right, okay. It means, because he wanted to die, to pass over to the other side. Because if the chicken tried to cross the road, the chicken would be killed by a car to get to the other side.

Wait a minute. Is this your theory? Oh, no. This is one that has been on my Facebook three or four times, and I was going to repost and go... Why does this keep coming up on your Facebook? I don't know. I just assume that someone... It seems to me very sophisticated,

sort of like that blink thing, you know, outliers or whatever. Somebody somewhere realised that they put it on their Facebook. Spent 10,000 hours thinking about this joke. I don't know, but is that not a thing where it's like the tipping point? Is that the one, you know, where like, you know what I'm saying? No? Well, yeah, no.

Like, it's like, yeah. How do you describe it? Where it's something to do with zeitgeist. It's like all uh the tipping point have you ever read the tipping point i read i've read of it i've read blink but i found it to be quite quite a rubbish book so i just thought i'm not gonna read your other books mate because basically it's one idea that he just goes over and over again like so blink he's like you should trust your instincts you should trust your instincts and i should trust your instincts. And I'm like, this is 300 pages. At least you could have put more pages in.

My instinct says to close this book. So, wait, I've never heard this, like, crazy metaphysical version of why the chicken's crossing the road. But that has to do with Malcolm Gladwell, because,

like, so many people are coming to the conclusion at the same time. Yes, yes, yes. So, wait a minute, but I always just thought it was like, it was a joke where it's, there's supposed to be a punchline, but then there's no punchline.

Yeah, screw you, kid. Oh, like the one about the guy who wished for the head of an orange. What? Oh, that didn't get to Canada, did it? The head of an orange? How does that go? Okay, so there's this guy in a bar. Right.

And he's sat at the bar, and he turns to at the bar and he turns to his right and he sees a man next to him with a giant orange for a head and the man he says and he's like really freaked out he's like hey oh wow hi um i know you must get this all the time but i can't help but notice you have an orange for a head like why do you have an orange for head? And the guy's like, okay, look, when I was 17 years old, a genie came into my room and he said, am I doing this too slightly? No, this is great.

You're building up suspense. I will grant you three wishes. My first wish, I wished for unlimited wealth and I was given it and I had so much money. I went around the world in a private jet. I stayed with Saudi princes. I went around the world in a private jet. I stayed with Saudi princes. I bought myself racehorses. I swam in a gigantic swimming pool

at the university in Vancouver. I had a wonderful time. And my second wish, I wished that all the beautiful women I met would fall in love with me. And oh my word, wherever I went, a beautiful woman was swooning in front of me.

I had my pick of the most beautiful women in the world. I enjoyed myself. It was fantastic. Promiscuity. Hooray. And then the man says, okay, okay. And for my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head.

How is that funny? It doesn't make any sense why would you waste time on that it's really great though yeah yeah how did that not make it yeah yeah

that seems like we love it yeah um but that's like the thing like it's like you know uh

yeah like um that seems like that's what that's what I thought the chicken crossing the road was I did too but now there's people who are saying that it's what I thought the chicken crossing the road was. I did too.

But now there's people who are saying that it's some sort of... That it's the dude to get to the other side, aren't you? To be killed. Break on through. Wow. Oh, man. That's some heavy stuff. That's why Jim Morrison crossed the road.

Oh, my God. To break on through to the other side. Kaboom! Thank you. So, I'm glad we put that all to rest. Should we write a book about how we figured that out? Yeah.

Trust your instincts, guys. Do you want to move on to overheard? Okay. Overheard. Overheards. Things that you may have overheard. We'll accept an overseen. An overdreamt. an overwrestled. It has to be really good to be an overdreamt or an overwrestled.

Oh, wait, before we even get into overheards, I have my favorite segment on the show that I've taken to interrupting this segment of the show for my favorite segment, which is called Celebrity Birthdays. Oh, Graham usually interrupts here. But today is, what is it? Dave, before you go on with that, I wanted to interrupt with my favorite segment, which is Hulk Hogan news. Oh, hey.

Where I scour the internet looking for up to the minute what is going on in the world of Hulk Hogan. And this week, YahooSports.com released their five worst video games, sports-based video games of the last 10 years. And Hulk Hogan's... What's the name of the game? Hulk Hogan's main event wrestling made number three of the worst video games in the last ten years because it was an Xbox 360 game that didn't feature any actual real wrestlers. Except Hulk Hogan? Except Hulk Hogan. He was the brand on it. brand on it and the two wrestlers that were mentioned in the article uh that were made up wrestlers was mr mystery and somebody named fabuloso so now you're up to date uh on all

things hulk hogan i think shack uh shaquille o'neal had a basketball game that only had shaquille o'neal and a bunch of you know players uh Seiko players? Yeah. Jay Robinson. Jay Fabuloso. Okay. Thanks for that. Now back to celebrity birthdays. We are recording this on Saturday, February 25th. Big happy celebrity birthday to

actress from Parks and Recreation, Rashida Jones. Oh, cool. Is 36 today. Is she? Yeah. She doesn't look 36. She looks great for 36. And it's actually quite nice to think, oh, so she was probably only like 32 when she

was in the office. That's quite, you know. Yeah. And there was, I saw a photo. I heard there was an office before the office. There was a photo of a show, like a pilot that her and who's the lead on Parks and Rec? Amy Poehler. Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd and the other guy, the handsome guy on Parks and Rec.

It was basically the whole cast of Parks and Rec plus Paul Rudd and they were lawyers. And I was like, how did that not get made? The amount of pilots, it's almost not worth looking to see the pilots that got made but then didn't get commissioned because it's heartbreaking. It is. You sort of go like, oh, it had that person, that person and that person in it. And they wrote it and they directed it. And then, oh, and that was turned. Okay.

Okay. You've deployed the culture of something beautiful. Yeah. That's what I felt like. I'm glad that that show made it out. But without, oh, imagine if Paul Rudd was on Parks and Rec. It would be one more greater. He's one of our most adorables.

Anyways, happy birthday, Paul Rudd. Happy birthday, Rashida Jones is 36. TV host and age liar about her. Chelsea Handler is 37 today. She's not 37. I know, right? She's 37, I'm 37.. She's not 37. I know, right? She's 37, I'm 37.

And I'm not 37. You were talking about Rashida Jones not looking her age. Oh boy, Chelsea Handler. Yeah, we all love that wig you're wearing on that show that you're on. Oh yeah, she has a show now. Yeah, except she plays... It's the weirdest... It's a show based on her where she has a show now yeah except she plays it's the weirdest it's a show based on her where she doesn't play herself she plays her own sister uh laura prepon plays herself yeah and

then she plays her sister wearing a uh she's uh frumptastic she doesn't play her mom no she she plays her sister. Her younger sister. Also celebrating a birthday today, Encino Man star Sean Astin is 41 today. Yeah. Don't squeeze the juice. Yes. He also was a hobbit. Oh, that guy.

Yeah. 31? He was 41. He played Rudy the Hobbit. Entertainer Carrot Top, 47 today. Really? He said that he's moved out of his bodybuilding phase. Oh, good.

What phase is he in now? Props. Prop comedy. And the answer to our celebrity birthday trivia question. This wrestler once wooed Hulk Hogan over to his federation. Ric Flair. Ric Flair is 63 years old. Well done, well done. Good woo pun.

Alright, now for real. On to overheards. Wait, before we do that! Seriously, overheards, you guys. I have a feature that I wanted to pitch to you. Oh, yes! No, no, please, please! No, I don't want to interrupt. I'm yeah. Oh, yes. No, no, please, please. No, I don't. I don't want to interrupt. I'm sorry. Okay.

Head of an orange. Head of an orange. Nonsensical punchline. I really wish you would pitch a segment now. Oh, it's too bad. My favorite jokes are not nonsensical punchline, but are time-wasted jokes. Like jokes that last about 10 minutes and then the punchline is incredibly underwhelming. It's like kicking the crotch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my favorite kind of joke. Do you have one that we can end the show with? I can do that for you later, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. I have one dirty one and one clean one and you can choose which one. Why not do both?

Some people run marathons through this podcast. Now, we usually like to start with the guest when it comes to overheards. Are you equipped? Are you ready to go? Yeah. Awesome. I'm sorry, because this isn't strictly an overhead.

This is an overseen. That passes. Mine's an overseen. Thank you. Basically, this is a man. I have the photograph to prove it. He's a very unprepossessing man of, say, 45, wearing glasses, very small, very slight, sort of like a bit of a Woody Allen circa 1971 vibe.

Oh, yeah. And I'm just going to show you the photo now because he's reading some paper. Okay, yeah, as described. He's reading a kind of printed-off thing. So when I saw him, I just thought, oh, this man perhaps works in local government and this is a report on, you know, pavements.

Trash bins. Thank you for letting me use the English word and then using another English word, although we didn't call it trash, we called it rubbish, but you did say bin and I appreciate that. But what you can't make out in the photograph is that he's reading quite a thick 40 or 50 page A4 pamphlet about psychic teleporting. Wow. wow yeah look at this man and it's

like it's one of those ones you must get off the internet or i remember you used to be able to get from the back of like you know if you went to hippie shops in 1995 there'd be kind of all these pamphlets about i was busy decking at the time i was planking um wow psychic teleporting so it's all things and i got really i mean i became too close for comfort with this man so i kept staring at it because it was like kind of you too in capitals will have the power in capitals to go wherever you wish psychically and it was sort of like a a mock scientific document about how like you you know, it's all about concentrating the energies and allowing the energies to flow from your heart out into the ether.

And you will be in a bubble and you will travel across the world. I want to do that. As you believe, you need to believe. Is that the key? Yeah. Jennifer Hudson taught us that. She was singing that Lenny Kravitz song in the Weight Watchers commercial.

Yeah. Does it involve, She was singing that Lenny Kravitz song in the Weight Watchers commercial. Yeah, sure. Does it involve, like, clicking your heels together? Oh, I think it's a lot more, you know, internal focus. Okay. A lot less showy than that. Right. That's a parlor trick. But you're only teleporting the brain part?

Like, you're not teleporting the whole... Your body is... He's still on... So, for all you know, he was off... Oh, so psychic teleporting, your brain goes somewhere. Yeah, like, he is off in Norway, pining over butter. Yeah, that's where he chose to go.

But his body's on the bus, reading about it. And his brain's like, this is boring. But it's just the fact that he looks like such a normal guy. He doesn't look like a hippie. He just looks like a weedy, normal guy. But when you're on the bus, you want to be anywhere else. That's true. We could all use a little psychic teleportation.

That's what they should do in the Vancouver buses. Instead of like, they do this thing called Poetry in Transit where there's a poem by a local poet. A lot of poet talk on this episode. It is national poets. It's set to German goth techno

music. You read it like a six line poem and then you hate yourself. They do that in the underground in the UK, actually. Poetry in the underground. That's our poem. Mind the gap.

I was on the train last night. I had a whole car to myself for about eight stops, and it was the greatest. It was the greatest. Royalty doesn't live that good when you've got your own car on the train. I had to get a coach back from Oxford to London, which is like an hour and a half on the coach. And there was no one else, apart from me, my friend, and the driver.

And it did feel like we were a band that had our own kind of amazing tour bus. And he kept doing us little shout-outs throughout the journey. It was incredible. It's nice. That is all right. That is all right. I had a good bus the journey. It's incredible. It's nice. That is alright. That is alright. I had a good bus ride yesterday.

This is great. It was just only because it was pretty empty. Public transit. The only way to get around. As long as there's a really full bus and a really empty one right after. Yeah, totally. Suckers want to get there 30 seconds earlier. Jerks. Dave, do you have an overseen? I do.

Mine is apparently the pop duo LMFAO. Mm-hmm. I've heard of them. You've heard of them? They are sexy and they know it. They are sexy and they know it. They are also... In the house tonight. Party Rock is in the house tonight. They were doing like a DJ set

in Vancouver. What does that mean? I don't know. They're playing their favorite songs? Yep. What influenced an don't know. They're playing their favorite songs. What influenced an LMFAO? They, uh, they're, they're dropping off their iPods. Very disappointing.

That kind of thing. And that was the first, when I was about 15, there was a band I really liked and I didn't realize that DJ set meant they're not going to play. What was the band? I can't recall. I remember it being a very formative disappointment. How dare you?

Yeah. How dare you? Yeah, how dare I? So there was a poster for an LMFAO DJ set, and it had both the guys' heads on either side of it, and then a bare midriff in the middle, and you just saw someone basically from their chest to their thighs in the middle and their knee ankles yeah and there was a uh and they're wearing like no shirt i i don't even remember if it was a guy or a girl it was probably a dude isn't that their thing that he walks around uh long or whatever yeah but it wasn't him because his head was else well anyway uh oh he had a little bit of psychic whatever. Yeah, he took his hat elsewhere.

And like a pair of pants. And then someone had graffitied onto this poster a bunch of pubic hair coming out of the pants. Pretty great. And a card coming out of the pants that says, free clinic card. Which isn't a thing. You don't get like a... The whole part of the free clinic is that it's free. You don't get like a... You know, if you have a dozen

STDs. So is the gag that he had so many STDs that he also just handed out free clinic cards? Like he had a loyalty card. He keeps going maybe to get ahead of the line or get points. Oh man, those guys are great. Yeah.

Party Rock is in the house tonight, everybody. Everybody gonna have a good time. Yep. My Overheard comes courtesy of a little place we have in Vancouver called London Drugs. No affiliation with your country. You should go. I did walk past it the other day and be like, I want to take a photo. No, I won't.

Don't take up all the memory of my phone. I went to London Drugs because London Drugs has everything you want in a drug store. They have drugs. They have candy. They have computers, microwaves, chairs, shirts, everything that you could need.

Makeup. And I went to go get a replacement battery for a watch, and I thought I would just give it to them and they would put it in the watch, but they gave me a toolkit to figure out how to... Step one, go fuck yourself. Exactly. Here's the battery.

Figure out how to put it in the back of a watch. So I just was trying to... They're like tiny little screws. So I was using tiny little screwdrivers. So I was there for like 40 minutes trying to figure this out. Oh, they gave it to you, but they didn't give it to you. No, they gave it to me like, here's the weird kit of tools we've,

uh, accrued over the years. And wait. Yeah. So I was standing at the desk that was the battery slash photo slash passport slash, uh, you know, like every,

it was one of those cutting. Yeah. Cobblers. Yeah. And, uh, so it was just this, it was like two o'clock in the afternoon and it was a parade of people who had no idea how to get photos done online or like there were people coming in with a thing from their camera and they didn't know what, what is this thing? How does this work?

And some guy learning how to use the computer and some guy who said he had thousands of negatives and how can he look at them and the lady's saying like we haven't done that service for a decade yeah and then one lady came in and said i need to get all the photos on this card put on a cd and uh the lady said, how many photos are there? And she says, 800. And the lady said, well, you're going to have to put the like request, which ones off of the computer right here.

And the lady just kept saying, I don't, I don't have the time. I don't have the time. I don't have the time that an average person has. Wow. The 1%. Yeah. yeah uh wow but yeah it was it was great that she kept saying she said that three times i don't have the time she said no no no i don't have the time that an average person yeah i'm not your average person yeah i'm smarter than the average

but also that she would say that three times suggests she does have the time, really. Oh, yeah, and then she sat down at the computer and did, transferred over the 800 photos. Individually. Yeah. Click and drag. Yeah. Oh, you know, you can select all. I don't have the time for that.

I'm not an average person. Wonderful. We also have overheards and overseens and whatnot sent in from the audience around the world. If you want to do the same, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. This first one comes from Jen P. from Chicago. And Jen P., she teaches an online university class on the origins and cultural influences of rock and roll. And I collect my favorite quotes from the papers I grade.

I thought I'd send a few along in case you want to share one on the podcast. And of them, my favorite was making a case for open source citations. You know, tongue in cheek. This was something somebody found on Wikipedia. It said, back in the 50s, bands like Jerry Lee Lewis and Run DMC were running the stage of American

Bandstand. That's how it went, right? Yeah, Jerry Lee Lewis. Actually, I think Jerry Lee Lewis and Run DMC collaborated once. Yeah. What was the song? It was Hello, Baby. What was the song? It was Hello, Baby.

That's the big bopper. No, that's what I mean. So I don't know a lot about the history of rock and roll. Piano rap rock. You're a big rock and roll aficionado, right? That's what happened. You were into Limp Bizkit when we told you. I, listen, I have a strong memory of Run DMC.

I don't know where I was going with that. I had two cups of coffee and I was like, let's just roll with this. This is going to be great. I know a bit about music. Was that, that was a rock and roll course that the person was teaching? Yeah, an online rock and roll course. Oh, online. It must be unbearable

to be any sort of teacher these days with the fact that people just go on Wikipedia, cut and paste, and then go like, I wrote an essay. It's like,

you didn't do that, did you? Or like, especially like an English teacher because like, having to read a book you don't want to read and writing a report on it

is the worst. You used to have to buy Kohl's notes. Or Cliff notes. We call them York notes. Really? Well done. They're posher. We couldn't afford those over here.

Too posh. We don't have as much time as your average person. I don't know what that means. I don't know how it relates. This next one comes from Alexa E. Ooh. This overheard comes from Montreal last summer. A friend and I were walking down St. Laurent Street during a festival, and it was really crowded.

street during a festival and it was really crowded as we were walking two guys walked past us in the opposite direction and we only caught this bit of their conversation guy one to guy two no man listen a dog will always beat a human in a fight for three reasons one and then they walked out of What dog? Oh, just any dog. I can see a dog beating a human in a race. But like... Sure. Oh, I thought... I just naturally went to... You were fighting with a dog.

Yeah, I know. But I could... I never would, but I could easily beat my dog in a fight. That's true. He wouldn't know we were fighting, though. Yeah, that's true. And he would just roll over at some point, right? That's my big fighting move, is just exposing my belly.

I'm not a threat. I'm not giving you a tickle. Yeah, he's not saying I'm not a threat. Please rub my belly. Yeah, sniff around me. And this one, there's a couple. is this from uh maggie r i don't know where maggie are from new york maggie are uh a friend of mine is a first grade teacher and with her permission i am sharing a few quick gems with you that she has collected over the year

uh this is the first one teacher let's name types of vegetables. Who can give me one? Little kid yelling out, meat! You know what? That's the American school system. Right? Yeah. Kids are dumb. I like this one too.

Little boy Miss Collins You forgot to draw the face On my smiley face Teacher No I didn't That's a zero At least put a frowny face

Or an angry face Now in addition to Overheards that are written in We also accept some phone calls. If you want to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Greg from Omaha calling in with an overheard. I was out the night before Valentine's Day with some friends, and we were at a restaurant.

And the table behind us, the booth behind us, there was this couple and they were just miserable to each other. But this was the choice quote. The woman forgot her phone in the car until her husband, she was trying to get her husband to go and get the phone. And he said, no, no, I'm not getting your phone. You are just F-O-L. You know what that stands for? Shit out luck.

And then she says, well, you know what? F-U. You know what that stands for? Shit out luck. And then she says, well, you know what? F you. You know what that stands for? Fuck yourself. I wish I could shit out luck. Like a leprechaun. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man, that was pretty

good. Yeah, pretty good pre-Valentine's talk. You are... Well, I think in this generation of texting, that is pretty good. Yeah, pretty good pre-Valentine's talk. You are... Yeah. Well, I think in this generation of texting, that is what F.U. stands for. Right? Felix Unger. Huh? Odd couple?

Anybody? Nope. Nobody? All right. Next. That was like... I remember as a kid thinking that was the one funny joke from the odd couple. F.U.?

Yeah, because he signed everything. He would write notes, and he would say, you know, please do not leave the milk carton open. FU? Yeah, because he signed everything. He would write notes and he would say, you know, please do not leave the milk carton open. FU. He said, like, after years of living, it's only now that I figured out that it meant Felix Unger. See? It translates. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's still good. This next call is about the number pi. Are you familiar with it? 3.14? Well, don't get ahead of yourself. Oh, sorry. It's about.

It's roughly. Yeah, it's about what it's about. Wait for it. Okay. Good morning, gentlemen and probable guests. This is Patrick calling from Logan, Utah with Unoverheard. I have the opportunity to ride the bus to work in the morning

with a bunch of the local standouts from our high school, I'm sure. And they were having a discussion this morning, two of them were, about the value of pi. The first one said that pi was 3.14. The other one said, no, man, I swear. They changed it to.1415. To. The other one said, no, man, I swear. They changed it to 0.1415. To which the first kid replied, no, you can't change it. It's a constant thing.

You can't change it. The second one, again, I swear. I swear they changed it. It's a new thing now. It's 0.1415. First kid again, man, you can't change pi. That's an insult to Albert Einstein. To which the second one again

replied, man, fuck Albert Einstein. He don't know me. That is a fact. Albert Einstein doesn't know you. He's had it too good for too long. He's resting on his laurels. What's he done for us lately? Tell you what, if he went to his grave, just, good evening, traveler.

Oh, yeah, who would be the next? Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain as Albert Einstein. As Albert Einstein, yeah. Pretty great. Yeah, how many digits do you know pi, too? The two. 3.14. That's three digits.

I think it is 3.1415. it is 3.1415 It's 3.1415929748 You know the thing is You could make it up I was buying it It was pretty true up to the second 9 But I don't think I'm good enough At making

Literally I just have to make up numbers that exist There's only 10 to choose from. Would you start doing... No, you'd be like, 14. 7, 7, 7, 7, 7. Just look at my watch in the middle. Look around the room for numbers. That's where I'd be scared. Yeah, exactly. I'd be like,

8, 2, 8, 2, 8, 2. 8, 2. And it's like, 30 tens. There must be bits of it that are a bit like that because you know people that can do it to hundreds i don't know people i mean i don't either but it's is it is the thing is it's it just keeps going yeah yeah it'll never it never ends yeah it will never end yeah yeah if it was one percentage point higher it would just be 3.2 like if it was 3.14 and then if it was 3.15 they would just round it up and be right 3.2 and then we wouldn't even have to worry about it yeah it's because you're einstein's yeah that guy being obstructive

the dead einstein society and finally oh this guy uh has kind of a bad attitude to start off That guy being obstructive. The dead Einstein society. And finally, oh, this guy has kind of a bad attitude to start off the call. Oh, really? Yeah. Because people always say, hello, Dave, Graham, and guest. This guy's trying to jerk around the whole format?

Yeah. Oh, he's jerking around the whole. Hey, Dave and Graham and guaranteed guest and kind of get annoyed when people say probable guests you always have guests it's been like maybe like three times you haven't had a guest and it kind of gets on my nerves so hello hello guest um i was going for a walk today and i saw this really beefy this oh this this is an overseen, by the way. I was going for a walk today and I saw this really beefy, brawny construction worker

smoking a cigar with a hard hat on. And then he walks over to his truck, climbs in, and as he's pulling away, I noticed that his license plate frame read, number one fan, Rod Stewart. It's hard to prove that. It's hard to disprove it. Yeah, it's true.

I think Rod Stewart has to come around and officially kind of give it the okay. Yeah, he kicks a soccer ball in your face. You're my number one fan. The whole time I've been trying to think of a Rod Stewart song to try and make it. Do you think I'm sexy? Do I think Rod Stewart's sexy or you? Are you speaking as Rod Stewart?

I'm naming a song. Are you forever young? Oh, I'll go on. Maggie, I think there's something I want to say to you. You know that one? Yeah, Maggie Mae. Yeah, he did that with Jerry Lee Lewis. In 1948.

They invented rap rock. And math Mae. Yeah, he did that with Jerry Lee Lewis. In 1948. They invented rap rock. And math rock. Albert Einstein invented math rock. If math rock was Rod Stewart singing pie to the Valley of Hundreds of Digits, I would be so fucking into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think everybody, I think Math Rock would really, it would like come into its own. It would really mature as a form if somebody like Rod Stewart could just put out an album, the Math Rock, you know, songbook. Not even songbook, just one song

because it's an infinite number. Yeah. And it's a CD where you can play it on both sides because it's a it's an infinite number yeah and it's a cd where you can play it on both sides because it's so long you flip over the cd and it plays for another eight hours it's a laser disc the first side is only 45 minutes and the most true by the end of it crying yeah seven two you hear the audience

leaving and them turning on the lights it's a live album some guy putting away chairs and some of it is like really slow

some of it's him in the car on the way home nine like four yes Nine Like four There's a bit where you just hear him going Please help me This was a bad idea

Well our thoughts are with you, Rodster Now we're gonna wrap up the show But as promised in the early overheard segment, Josie is going to tell us a really long joke that will somehow pay off. I bet you I'm going to love it. If it's half as good as Orange

Head. Oh, God. It won't be that bad. Okay, I'm going to tell you the one that isn't dirty because I'll get self-conscious trying to do the dirty one and also then it will be recording me saying dirty things. The internet is forever. Yeah, exactly. The internet is full of people who seem to think

that I am educationally subnormal and deserve to be murdered. Oh, really? Yeah, it's very weird. Okay, right. Now, here's the joke. Okay. So, there's this guy. He's like a high-flying businessman we know the type right

yeah yeah suits and hats yeah and he's got a daughter he's like uh it's her birthday it's her sixth birthday and he's just finished work early for him so he's like finished work early it's like 5 25 and he's realizes oh god i haven't got my daughter a present for her sixth birthday. This is ridiculous. And he's like running up the high street. Do you call it a high street? Running up Main Street. True.

And he's like looking in all the stores. I used stores, I meant shops. Looking in all the shops. And he just is panicking. And then at 5.29, one minute before the shop shut in the olden days in traditional shop shutting time, he sees a pet shop and on the front of the pet shop there's a big sign saying we have a talking cat for sale please inquire within and he's like oh wow this is incredible this is perfect my daughter loves

animals she would love a pet she could talk to this i mean have you even heard of such a thing this is incredible this is a miracle This is a medical animal miracle. So he goes in and like the do-ding-ding goes through and there's no one behind the counter, you know. And he's thinking, oh, this is weird, you know. And he stands there for a little bit and suddenly up onto the counter jumps a cat. And the cat says, hi, how you doing, buddy?

And he's like, whoa, hang on. Are you the, and he's like, yeah, I'm the talking cat. Hi, nice to meet you. And he's like, oh my are you the and he's like yeah i'm the talking cat hi nice to meet you and he's like oh my god this is incredible you're a talking cat and he's like yes i am and he's like oh well sorry i'm a bit overcome it's just you you're a cat and you really are talking he's like yes i am and and he's staring at you know the cat's talking it's mouse moving it's definitely a talking cat oh god uh wow so um i suppose it's a strange thing to us but are you the only talking cat in the world he's like yes i am yes and he's like how did you come to be in this shop and the talking cat's like well it's quite a long story actually um so i was born in 1981 as part of a research

facility in the united states of america and basically what they were doing was they were putting vocal boxes into cats um so they could send them to spy, tail into the Cold War. They would send them to Russia. No one would believe that a cat could talk, could understand English, that kind of thing, could understand Russian. So what would happen is, you know, I'd go into the ambassador's house. They'd be talking about kind of secret nuclear submarines, that kind of shit. I'd be all like going near their legs and stuff.

And then I would ring back and I would report back on what I'd seen and heard. nuclear submarines that kind of shit i'd be all like going near their legs and stuff and then i would ring back and i would report back on what i'd seen and heard and obviously it was a research facility had 10 000 cats i was the only one that worked you know the others they would either be like or you know just didn't think i'm across anyway so i did that for a couple of years and i was actually quite efficient as a spy but you know these programs they lose funding it lost funding i had a couple of years where i was really down and out i had a really grim time of it i would you know no real cats would accept me and humans they were freaked out by it but eventually i found a musician a magician sorry who was like a ventriloquist and we used to do this thing where i'd pretend to be a ventriloquist

dummy and i would actually talk and people being you know they go crazy for it because it was like ventriloquism but it was one other level when people would think how do you throw your voice and he would never give away the secret and of course no one thought to suspect i might be a talking cat because you know how many talking cats are there's none so i did that for a good couple of years you know throughout the 80s and then eventually i got tired and so i met a guy who works on cartoons and i did a voiceover for cartoons as a cat because the thing is often when you have a talking cat in a cartoon, the voice isn't very realistic because it's human beings, you know, but when it's a cat like me, people kind of, they gel with it.

They're like, this is a cat talking because obviously it is a cat talking. I mean, they don't know that, but I did the voiceovers and I did that all through the 90s. I was having a great time. I did, you know, a number of Disney movies, obviously really on the down low, but that kind of thing. Then I was part of a toy team team like a spin-off toy team we made like Teddy Rock spins but for cats and I had a really good time but you know what I'm tired now you know I'm 31 years old I just want to retire with some people who can look after me and I've done all these things I

I didn't even tell you about the time I did the Olympics. I was a mascot for the Olympics in Seoul in 1988. I've done so much with my life, and I just really want to find someone to settle down with and have a good time. And the guy says, wow, that's incredible. That's an incredible story. And I want to buy you, but how? Because where's the guy who runs the shop?

And the cat goes, okay, give me a second. Jumps off the counter, goes out the back. A minute later, a guy comes in, he runs a shop, you know, tired looking. And the man says, Hi, I've just met the talking cat. It was incredible. It was marvellous to speak to him.

I'd like to buy him. How much? And the man goes, I don't know, 50p. He says, what do you mean 50p? I would pay a thousand pounds for this. I'm a businessman. I'd pay 10,000 pounds for this.

It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen. Why do you mean 50p? I would pay a thousand pounds for this. I'm a businessman. I'd pay 10,000 pounds for this. It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen. Why are you only charging 50p? And he says, yeah, he's a talking cat, but I'm sick of his lies. He's never done any of that. I mean, what a pointless waste of all our time, right? That was like five minutes long.

That was so, because the whole time you were telling that story I was picturing you telling the story to somebody and the background keeps like changing like you're on a gondola

and then you're walking down the street and then you're driving home like the joke just keeps going and going that was outstanding thank you a friend of mine

called Ben Trainer told me it on the tube and it was actually that it was us getting onto the tube going all the way down onto the train waiting for the train getting on the train going on the tube and it was actually that. It was us getting onto the tube, going all the way down onto the train, waiting for the train,

getting on the train, going on the train, getting off the train again. Sorry, it's very indulgent for me to spend five minutes telling you a joke that isn't funny. I asked for it

and I am happy with my purchase. I paid it in and out. I think that's more than fair enough. Now, Josie, where can somebody go online if they want to learn more about you

or see clips of you or something like that? Is there a destination? Well, actually, I'm building a website, which is josielung.com, and it's taken us years because I'm really slow at providing information. But when that goes up, that'll be quite a comprehensive archive

of everything I've ever done. The things in terms of that i'm actually proud of um i uh i made a radio series for the bbc a few years ago called all the planet's wonders and you can get that on itunes and i also have started doing a podcast called josie long's lost treasures of the black heart which is kind of a work in progress club night that i run and so we podcast that so you can hear me developing new material. If that's interesting. Is that on iTunes as well? Yes, it is Lost Treasures.

Yeah. I'm also on a podcast with my friend called Robin Ince, which is called Robin and Josie's Outer Shambles that I'm quite proud of. If you go on YouTube, you'll be able to see people commenting about what a fat, ugly mong I am and how I should kill myself, which is always nice. What do we search for?

But on YouTube, there's actually not that much of me recently doing stand-up that i'm proud of and i've got a dvd that i made called um trying is good but i made it like five years ago and so i feel very weird about it now um i'm going to be releasing a vinyl through a brilliant label called fence records a vinyl of stand-up yeah yeah yeah oh awesome i figured you know go for what's hip. Yeah, kids love vinyl. Go for the trends. Convenient.

But yeah, that's basically me. Come and see me live in the UK. Yeah. Well, we have listeners in the UK. There's some people who send in things. They send us meat pies, etc. Do they? No, they don't.

No, they never did. God, I would love it if they did. But that's, I mean, that's a lot of stuff. Oh, fine. And you're on Twitter? I am on Twitter the whole time. And if you like the idea of someone, say you're in Canada, ranting at like seven in the morning for you about specifics of British politics, you will love it.

Oh, it sounds exciting. What's the deal with Hat Man? I don't know people's names, but I assume there's a guy who wears a hat who's in charge of everything. Do you mean Lord Farnsworth? Yeah. The Pope. Yeah, he was Diddy's butler, wasn't he? Thank you so much for being a guest.

Oh, God, thank you so much for having me. I'm sorry I talk too much. No, you're okay. No, ma'am. This is the whole... No, ma'am. No, ma'am. Thank you for your Canadian hospitality.

And thank you for your... Come on, Dave. You can do it. Downton Abbey. I hate Downton Abbey. Me too. Because we're in a time of austerity measures in the UK, completely unnecessary cuts

that is literally driving inequality back to 1917. And what do they do? Show these programs that are like, aren't posh people amazing? It's like, fuck off. Look how austere. Yeah. I hate it because it's boring.

That's allowed. But I do know someone off of Downton Abbey and he's very good. He's very fetching. Dave, do you have anything to plug? Upcoming? CBC Music. Oh, yes.

Check out Dave's. I'm on cbcmusic.ca or.com whatever you want to type in I'm on there writing things about musics and speaking of things Dave does online if you go to maximumfun.org

there are blog recaps of every episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself pictures and videos relating to things that we talked about. Surely you're going to put up some celebrity gardeners on this week's vlog. Yeah, Charlie McJuggs. Whatever her name was.

And check out the other podcasts that are part of the Maximum Fun family. A Jordan Jesse Go, a Judge John Hodgman, My Brother My Brother and Me, Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. You know, Part of the Maximum Fun family, a Jordan Jesse Go, a Judge John Hodgman, my brother, my brother, and me. Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. You know, in the UK, Bullseye is a game show about darts that had a big bull on it and that he was called Bully the Bull. And on Bullseye, you had to throw darts and it was like a really funny thing. And so the fact that he's named it Bullseye,

to all English people will be intrinsically amusing forever. Oh, that's pretty great. Yeah, we know that. We have that here. We have a lot of darts shows. Darts, bumper pool. Wasn't that, what was the movie? Oh, The Last Airbender. And bender means a person who has...

Oh, guys. You should see, there is a game called Skyrim, and rimming is like a... It's bum-licking. Yeah, but that's international. That's everywhere. And Skyrimming is when you do it on a plane. MulhiRim.

If you want to contact us here at the podcast, it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com, or you can call us 206-339-8328. If you like the show, tell your friends, and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know me mostly as a stentorian public radio host. And you probably know me as a cable TV cut-up. Every week on our show, Jordan, Jesse, go, I would say that we share a little slice of our hearts.

Yeah, and dick jokes. We are both complex and aimless. Leaving you with a empty, dirty feeling after the podcast is over. And a chalky taste in your mouth. Mm-hmm. But if you start to taste pennies, that's not us. That's a heart attack. And remember, a stroke is a brain attack.

Yeah. We talk about, like, important stuff that's going on in our lives, like babies and dogs and traveling. With some very impressive guests from the worlds of art and entertainment. Yeah, Sarah Vowell, Rob Corddry, Kurt Anderson. They've all had to sit through many, many dick jokes made by us. It's all online at MaximumFun.org. Just click on Jordan Jesse Go or search for Jordan Jesse Go in your iTunes.