Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 209 - Marjorie Malpass

Episode Date: March 20, 2012

Marjorie Malpass returns to talk babies, restaurant stories, and sex ed. Plus the biggest Hulk Hogan News yet!

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 209 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who expresses his love for the Hunger Games through a giant chest tattoo, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yep, HG. Some people think it stands for Home and Garden Television,

especially because there's a little outline of a house. I used to think it was Hugh Grant. Yeah, well, HGG. Wells, Hugh Grant. They're all actually represented in... Different ways. Well, no, caricatures. Right, right. Like, county fair style caricatures.

They all have giant heads and little bodies. But, man, I can't wait to see The Hunger Games. It's a movie? I yeah yeah i can't wait to experience the hunger game yeah it's like uh competitive fasting right yeah it's uh about us two cooking shows that uh have to fight it out to save a community center. It's Gandhi versus Buddha. The fastest, faster. That was the original title. And our guest today, we figured before the show, Dave said last time she was on was episode number 39.

So all those many years ago, you made a decision to leave Vancouver. That's it. Moved to Toronto. We got to see you when we were there recording a live show. And now you're back in town visiting family and you're doing theater and all sorts of stuff. Miss Marjorie Malpass returns. Oh, my lovelies. Seriously.

I feel a little like a Wendy to you boys sometimes. Wendy is... Hamburgers. Oh, from... Peter Pan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From Peter Pan's hamburgers. Yeah.

I feel like Dave Thomas' adopted daughter. Yeah. No, wait. Dave Thomas was adopted. No, Dave Thomas never grew up. He went to Never Never Land. Yeah. We're talking about the guy from SCTV, right?

Yeah. Okay. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Now, Now Marjorie you're an actress Yes Are you would you say a writer? Yeah I get paid to write

Well why not You're writing right now for The Onion Yeah yes that's right The Canadian branch of the Yeah they now have a Toronto hard copy newspaper Which is a total dream come true. Yeah. And I used to do stand-up in New York City.

Yeah. Every once in a while. Sure. And through those connections and through basically my Twitter feed, I got hired to write jokes for The Onion. That's awesome. Yeah, it is the awesome. And it totally ups your cred when you're like, I work in comedy and people go, oh, yeah. Yeah, because, yeah. Yeah.

Because, yeah. Tell me more. Or tell me less. Yes, exactly. Or I'm really funny too, racist joke. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a. I'm a comedian too.

That's why I just befriended a hundred other local comedians on Facebook. Why do I befriend all of them? Why? You're a sucker. And you're an actress. You can be seen in not one, but two commercials on television right now. Right now, yeah. One co-starring your very own daughter.

Oh, yeah. I'm a pimp. No, you're an agent. Same thing. Am I right, Hollywood? Oh, no. How old is your daughter? She's not even two.

What? And she's already, you said. She had to join the union. We've done too many commercials together. I seriously, I bring her into auditions, and she's so cute that they want to hire me because I come with her. And even a few months ago, we both auditioned for a car commercial and she booked it and I didn't know it. Babies can't drive. Wait, did she get your role?

Yeah, I can't drive 55 weeks. Week. Never mind. I'm just picturing a commercial where the baby gets the role of the mother. She's that good.

And natural. Does she have sunglasses? Does she have long hair? Does she have hair? Yeah, she has super long hair. Big eyes. She basically looks like a Muppet version of me. She's 23 years old. Not yet.

A Muppet version of you? Yeah. Is that what you always dreamed motherhood would be like oh yeah kind of a squishy less uh yeah uh floppy yeah no yes and no hands up the butt no hands up well there's still time yeah um now uh so you're doing so you're doing, like, you're doing, that's a lot of stuff. Well, you've got to be a slash if you want to make money in this. Ask anyone. Well, ask slash. Come on.

Okay, my friend calls it a portfolio earner. Oh, a baby? No, I mean, yeah, baby is my portfolio earner. Like, you have to do, we all know this, we have to do so many different things to, you know, pay the rent, right? So actor slash writer slash pimp. Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah, you're pimping. And you, how long has it been you've been in Toronto for?

Like almost four years. Four years. Wow. I love it. Do you? It's just arrogant and fast and it stinks. It smells bad,. It smells bad. It literally smells bad.

I was trying to think of somebody who's arrogant, fast, and stinks. Usain Bolt. But I assume he probably smells pretty good. He probably takes a lot of showers, I bet. Nobody came to mind. I was like, work, brain, work. I'm trying things to stop me. There's arrogant, fast, and stupid.

Yeah, most people who are fast, you can't smell them because they're, you know. Yeah, a lot of people who are arrogant don't smell bad either because they really pride themselves on all the things they do. Or maybe they're so arrogant, they're like. Do you think that there are? There's arrogant, smelly people? Oh, yeah. Really? I'm guessing like a Julian Schnabel.

Or like someone that spends so much time on the beach because they don't need any money. Yeah. And they want to smell like the beach to show you that you have to have a job. I hate this imaginary person. Yeah. I wish this person was faster. So I miss Vancouver. I miss some of person. Yeah. I wish this person was faster. So I miss Vancouver. I miss some of the people here.

You too, of course, and others. However, work is better in Toronto for me. Yeah, which is great. Yeah. And you went out there. When you left, you weren't a mother. No. Right?

So that happened. I know. Which is crazy. And yeah, top drawer. So this baby, the details we know about this baby, less than four years old. Yes. Acts. Fast.

Full union member. Full union member. Arrogant, fast, and stinky. No, that's Toronto. Oh, okay. She's calm and kind. Oh, that's a good quality for a kid. Yeah, yeah.

Cries a lot? Not at all. No. Really? Yeah. She eats, she sleeps. You know, I never thought I quality for a kid. Yeah, yeah. Cries a lot? Not at all. No. Really? Yeah. She eats. She sleeps. You know, I never thought I'd be a mom.

And it's funny. She's helped me focus. I've worked more. Huh. Life is, yeah, life is better. So you never thought you'd be a mom? Yeah, that's where I'm going. That was my question also.

What? What? Why did you never think you were a mom? No, no. I mean, like, I have maternal instincts, but I was never one of those people who was dressing up babies or, you know, like the Hunger Barbie is coming out. The Hunger Games Barbie. There is a Hunger Games Barbie.

Is there really? Yeah, it's called the Hunger Barbie. What? Insert joke. Yeah, right? Oh, I can't even think of one. Man, I'm on a real losing streak tonight. Yeah.

I don't have any because I... Because Barbie never gave me body issues. There, that's it. But Ken did. Oh, that perfectly parted hair. Really? Yeah, hair issues. Yeah, complete lack of genitals.

Yep, if only. Oh, so smooth. But a weird lump. Yeah, to denote that his genitals were inside, yet to drop. I was waiting. Coming soon. I was listening to a, the radio was on. I was in a waiting room. And they were talking on the radio about, they did a poll that a certain amount of men,

this is the way the radio personality framed it. He said, yeah, like, apparently 75% of men have either placed or contemplated placing a banana in a certain area. And I immediately thought, up the butt. Yeah. But he was, like, he was dancing around the issue, but he thought it was pretty obvious that he was talking about stuffing your pants. Oh. Oh, well, as soon as you said that, I thought it was, yeah that he was talking about stuffing your pants oh but oh well as soon as you said that i thought it was yeah putting a banana in your butt yeah joe's like i don't know it seems like it'd be really difficult i've almost never thought about that almost i mean you see those things where there's an x-ray of somebody who's put a cell

phone in their butt or something like that and then you start looking around the room at things like if a cell phone can, then what else possibly could? But you don't have a banana. I maybe thought about it. Seems like that wouldn't hold. I maybe thought about it when Gwen Stefani was talking about shit being bananas. Like, okay, I can picture that. Yeah.

Gwen Stefani, literalist. But that, yeah, but that was that was, Ken doll probably, the Ken doll probably they probably made like a little banana. So you would put a banana like they were talking about, you would put a banana in your underwear and then walk around during the day with a banana?

You gotta make it look like you have a large package Yeah, would you put it in or outside your underwear? What would hold it up if it was outside your underwear? Your tight pants. Oh, you're wearing pants that are so but if they're so tight you could tell that they're like oh that guy's got a banana i can see the chiquita sticker wouldn't you pick something that wouldn't smoosh as easily like a zucchini or cucumber yeah absolutely a zucchini or something less curvy yeah some. Some girls like the curve. Well, I'm not... We are going into a different podcast here.

We're going down that road. I just mean, like, presumably it's flaccid. Right. Oh, yeah, right? Yeah, I don't... Like, it can be all kinds of shapes. I saw this puppetry of the penis play once. I think that's a play, right?

Yeah. That's what I... As far as of the penis play once. I think that's a play, right? Yeah. As far as I go, there's Shakespeare and then that. And that's all I know of theater. Yeah. Also, I think there was a hip-hopera at some point. Yeah, Carmen. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird. Of all the... I think that would probably be the last thing I would

say would be a good stand-in. What would be better? Popcorn? Just a sack of popcorn. Popcorn? Yeah, I'm just trying to think of things that would be bad. Oh, yeah. But you said anything would be better than a banana.

Yeah, I think popcorn probably would be better. With a salt chafe? With a salt chafe? Yeah. I don't know. You don't have to have it salted oh that's true and if it was buttered it'd be easier to get in and out of your pants yeah i mean maybe instead of uh you know how sometimes at the movie theaters they have those like flavored shaking powders you can put on maybe a talcum oh there you go sure so is this a new section of

stop podcasting yourself the worst things to put down your pants? It is right now. Yeah. I don't think it's going to be an ongoing thing. It's a little blue for us. It is a little blue. What's something blue that you could stuff down your pants with? Oh, Gatorade.

I think the Barbasol. Smurf figurines. A Blue Cantrell CD. The Blue Man Group Yeah Yeah Wow Well That radio DJ

Should quit his day job And go back to Stuffing school Stuffing school? Yeah Alright I always thought There was a school

Yeah yeah Well how do you think That we learned? Secrets. That's a strange... That's what they did in sex ed when girls were learning about, you know, whatever they taught. They would section off the girls, bring them into one room and, you know, teach them about, I don't know, how to... They would wheel in a mannequin wearing briefs and then they would show different things you could...

Yeah, that's what they would do on the guy's side. The girl's side, I think, was how to take your bra off inside your t-shirt. Yes, yes. Yeah, I'm trying to think, what did they do in Sex Ed? Well, they answered all the questions. I know I've talked about that in the past. No question is too stupid.

Then everyone would ask a really stupid question. Videos? Were there videos? Probably. We started sex ed early on with like, here's what people are going to try to do to you. They're going to try to kidnap you.

And then that block of time eventually became here's how you have sex. And it was boys and girls were separate. Well, no, there was a part where you were all together. And then there was a part where, because I think there was like, you'd be too embarrassed to ask a question in front of the girls. See, I went to a high school, the arts. So it was just more liberal about everything.

So our sex education wasn't segregated. And we had like Planned Parenthood came in. They gave us the class. And they gave out free condoms. It in. Whoa. They gave us the class. And they gave out free condoms. I thought you were going to say. It's totally progressive. The class. Yeah.

They gave us the class. Now, if you want the cure, come by the Planned Parenthood. It was called STDs in those days. No STIs. Yeah, I can't keep up with all those. I cannot. Yeah. My Subaru is an STI.

Is that right? That is a kind of. You drive a Subaru? I do drive a Subaru. an STI. Is that right? That's kind of... You drive a Subaru? I do drive a Subaru. Such a cliche. Because I'm a lesbian. So they brought in... Like Planned Parenthood came in.

Because I don't remember it being that forward-thinking in our sex ed class. I think it was really just like... Because you were in Calgary, right? Calgary? Yeah, I was in Calgary. So it was very just like, here are the bits. Don't ever rub them together. Because the only result that could ever happen was that you would have a baby.

And AIDS. Yeah, or you would get an STD. There was no sense that there was any other part of sex at all. Like, it was like, these are the two results. It's like the same as, like, don't stick a fork in an outlet. Like, there's only one or two things that'll happen. You'll ruin the outlet or you'll get electrocuted. Or both.

Yeah. So everybody was... Scared. Yeah. I should have gone to a more liberal... I don't think there was a liberal high school. Not a gallery. Probably not.

So you were talking... We glanced over theater a bit. Yeah. But you said you returned to the theater. Yeah, I had to go on withdrawal from the theater union, because when you have a baby, you can't really... Well, I chose not to. Unless you get one of those prime... Parts.

Yeah. Where the play ends at 7 p.m. Now, what does the theater union protect you from? Equity. Is that a play about a horse? It's equity. Is that a naked play? What does the theater union protect me from?

Well, when you do an equity show, there's certain rules about breaks and how long you can work. So they protect me and keep me safe when I am working. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Nice to be looked after. That was a little too straightforward of an answer. Yeah. I don't want to get in trouble.

But I had to come out of retirement. They're very powerful. Thank you. They're very powerful. Anyway, I had to come out of retirement, and I'll probably go back into retirement. While I love theater, I get just the same hit like doing shows at Comedy Bar in Toronto.

Yeah. I did Beer Prov, which was drunken improv. And I won against all these macho boys. And I felt so like, yeah. And probably a little drunk. Yeah, a little bit drunk. So it's like my pilot light was relit. So it's not that important for me now to be doing these long eight-week runs and be away from my daughter.

Yeah. Priorities change. You didn't bring no daughter? I brought her here, yeah. Oh, okay. But it's a whole big deal. I have to bring my mom to nanny, and it's a whole coordination.

Keep going. Nanny time. Get to bed. Have a bath. Go poop. Yeah, in that order. Stop a cry. Play some jokes. Have a bath, go poop. Yeah, in that order. Stop a cry.

Play some jokes. Have a poop. Regular. Now, you were in a theater production out here that toured all over the place. Yeah. And then it stopped, and that's the theater production. That's the show I'm going back. So we're going back to Winnipeg in a couple of weeks it's called the number 14

and you just worked with the woman who made the masks and one of the creators of the show yeah at an opera show so what were you doing for the opera show oh I was doing my opera I was doing some kill the web I was emceeing an evening of um it was it was it's like a the opera does this

like free show where it's like hey they're trying to trick people into seeing opera it was none there was no offer on it well there was one guy who sang a little bit opera but also it's just like there's a lot of people who's like you guys can't afford to go to the opera. So you have like one of the best known playwrights in Canada, Peter Anderson. A very famous mask maker, Melody Anderson. One of the top 40 mask makers in the world. And then Graham Clark at an opera event. Yeah. So it starts at like 7pm.

Hot time to be. It was in a library theater room there was a lot of where was this? at the library there was a lot of it was right down the middle people who love CBC

older people that love CBC homeless people there was a lot of homeless people sprinkled in people using wifi yeah and then I think maybe some theater students or, you know, and that was

the crowd. How did it go for you? It was fine. I can adapt to all these situations. I just played to the homeless people. Cans, eh? Your brethren.

And yeah, it was fine, but he was amazing. Peter Anderson. He was amazing, yeah. He did things that... He wrote a play super quick on stage. So they did a thing. There was a group

of three improvisers that wrote a musical on stage based on suggestions from the audience. And their whole musical was about a guy with a giant mustache. And then they had to leave early to go to the next gig. And so I said another round of applause for Vancouver Theatre Sports, whatever their name was. And I was like, they would have loved to stay, but they told me they must dash, and people gave me the stink eye.

They were like, nope. But they were punning it up like crazy. And then when I did it, they were like, no. See, that's the difference. Improvisers, we get away with so much. Yeah, it was like, do it, set to music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get the puns, we get away with so much yeah because you know we don't have to yeah yeah yeah we get the puns we get the ridiculous you have to write material and practice it night after night i can

just go on stage and be like say exactly that and i would have gotten a huge laugh sure we just get away with that shit i don't know why well it's like they thought i had that that was my standard outro or something but i was like no remember how they were talking about mustaches? And you guys loved it. Remember how much you loved the premise of mustaches? Nope. Not even a snicker. Well, yeah.

I don't know. What? Do you think that was justified? I don't know. It just sounds like a miserable event. We have all done miserable events. Embarrassing. you're here um have you what recently have you played a miserable have you been in one of those things where you're like oh i guess i'll just adapt to this and get through it um i'm now doing corporate events

where i'm teaching levity i'm teaching levity to suits. Levity is like hovering above the ground. Well, yeah, I can do that too. It's like a ninjutsu. It's like knocking a guy out with one chopper. So I go into like big pharma companies and I tell them how to bring more humor into the workplace and use the skills of a comedian to help them in the workplace. Wow. And you know what?

I thought it would be totally hack and ridiculous and it's super fun. Is it really? Yeah, it's super fun. Is it really? Yeah, it's super fun. Sounds like it would, well, is it like, are people, is this like day three of a thing where the convention where they're all drunk? No, it's like a lunch and learn. You go in for 90 minutes, they're eating lunch. I have to actually like put on a costume of a business outfit.

Whoa, what does that look like? Do you go to the men's warehouse? No, honey. It's all like baggy. I get super styled. I go to whole Renfrew. Oh, my. Wow. No, honey. It's all like baggy. I get super styled. I go to whole Renfrew. Oh, my. Yeah, yeah.

I get all pimped up and then I'm, you know, back in the car changing into my jeans. So do you wear like a... Like a suit, power suit? Yeah, power suit. Pantsuit or skirt suit? Skirt suit. What? Why are you talking to me like I'm an idiot?

Is there... When you buy... When you're a lady lady who buys a suit, does it come with both ever? That would be great. Really? Yeah, and they zip off. But I mostly wear a dress with a jacket. Okay. Like a shifty office-y dress. Sure.

You work in HR. Like, you work in HR. Yeah. Yeah. But the worst gig, like, it's not the gigs, it's sort of the result of the gigs, don't you find? I find it's the gigs. Really? Yeah.

I mean, as long as the result is here's your check regardless of how badly you did. Yeah. Then I'm fine with it. You received a little trauma tonight. Yeah, exactly. Like it's during the gig that is. Right. My favorite one is uh someone

recognized me at a party just before i left here and they're like i know you and i'm like well i'm pretty famous and i started rattling off all the tv work i've done and they're like no no no yeah and then i started rattling whatever whatever work i've done totally and they're like no no and i started rattling all the comedy work i've done and they said no no no and then i was like well okay and then there was a pause and she said weren't you an elf in a mall yes yes yes i was an elf in a mall well you just walked in you should have just said no you probably don't recognize i know now now when i'm like i recognize you i'm like well where do you live? Maybe we buy milk. Yeah, there you go. But it was a total lesson learned. It was a Henry O story.

Yes. I'm sorry. Oh, Henry. Henry O is Sandra O's husband. Who I know from high school. Henry O? No, Sandra O did Canadian improv games. Oh.

That's where she got her start. And that's why she's in so many comedies. Right? That's where she got her start, and I did Canadian improv games. That's why she's in so many comedies. Right? That's why she's Canada's funniest lady. Are you kidding? She's hilarious. So much so that I know her as Sandy O, and she would know me as Margie.

Oh, really? That's how long ago. Wow. That sounds like some sort of breakfast foods. Sandy O's and Margie's? Sandy O's and Margie's. Yeah. That's gross. Like Margie sounds like a shortened for Margie,. Sandios and Margie's. Yeah. It's gross.

Like, Margie sounds like a shortened for Marjorin, like, pass me the Margie. Yeah. And Sandios are like Cheerios that once you pour milk on them, they just turn to sand. Oh, my God. Marjorin was, like, the stupid nickname mean people gave me. What was yours, Dave? I call you Midge. No, no, I mean my stupid nickname.

What was, like, what was it, you know? Oh, my stupid nickname for me? I don't know, something. There wasn't really anything. I believe there was probably a passing bumka. Oh, Shumka Bumka? Chump? Chumka?

Yeah, probably. Yeah. What about you? Oh, I mean every variation on Graham and Ham that you could possibly. There's a million of them. Oh, Ham Clark. Just Graham Cracker. And then every variation they're in.

And anything about Ham. And yeah. And then Clark is just kind of... Yeah. But there was endless... Because then people would shrink it down to Graham, which is not my name. But then they would rhyme it with something. So they made up how my name is pronounced wait and then oh Graham Graham and then they would like then they would rhyme it with something that my name wasn't that

thing but they rhymed it with it yeah yeah kids are really great oh like Graham Stoker's Clarkula yeah well kids are not that clever. That is really smart. Seriously, everyone called me Margarine, but not one person made fun of the fact that my name ends in ass. Yeah. It's... No one... Like, that's gold. Yeah.

It's what kids aren't. They're not... They're just cruel. They're not the smart side. Yeah. They're not like evil geniuses. They're just... Mean. They're just cruel they're not the smart side yeah of they're not like evil geniuses they're just mean they're just mean yeah yeah like they often like yeah like you say you have ass in your name you would think that would be the go-to yeah nope margarine margarine because kids are lazy and

yeah graham cracker at least raise raise your daughter if she's going to be making nicknames to be clever about it all right that's the least right because she's going to be making nicknames to be clever about it. All right. That's the least, right? Because she's going to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every kid does it. So at least, like, up the game. All right. You know?

Yeah. The future. Mm-hmm. Right? Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, well, I've had some... The last couple of days, I've had some awkward experiences at lunch. At the Mother Corps?

No, well, outside the Mother Corps. I go for lunch at a variety of different places. Hot dog carts. Affordable eateries in my work neighborhood. Subway. Yeah. No, I haven't been to Subway in years. It's right across the street

i know right we're getting too old for so i agree we're getting into the quiz no age these are your quiz no years yeah um i went to uh i don't know which of these I should tell first. Okay, well, I'll do this one. There's a place in the neighborhood called Noodle Box, which serves noodles. What if your kid was named Noodle Box? That'd be easy to make fun of. Probably.

Are you okay? You okay? You choking? I'm not choking on the funny. It's like my boss is Chinese and she says that noodle box is racist because they serve pan-Asian food and they just say it's just noodles. Yeah. You're not going to a Japanese restaurant or a Chinese restaurant or whatever. But it's all noodles, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And every time you order, they do that thing with their fingers where they make a sign. You okay there, dear? The racism. I'm allergic to the racism. So I went to the noodle box, and I go there, like, I try not to go there more than once a week, but I go there every week. Every day.

And I ordered something to go and when they uh the guy brought it to me he said oh yeah just so you know uh the guy who cooked this is a first timer so let me know if it's not any good yeah i'll let you know by coming back tomorrow yeah so that was a weird thing to have is like i i wish he hadn't told me that the food that was cooked for me was cooked by someone who was cooking for the first time. So you're judging every bite. And it wasn't that great. It was worse than usual. It was dry. Oh, sure.

Yeah, because they don't know from wet. Even though he's wet, his food isn't. Yeah, he's wet behind the ears. So what did you do? Nothing. I'm not the guy who's going to go back and say, oh yeah, by the way, this food was kind of dry the other day. Thanks for giving me the new guy

and telling me he was the new guy. I never would have noticed. You're more Jamie Oliver than you are Gordon Ramsey. I am more Jamie Oliver. I wish that sentence had more S's in it for me to do a hilarious lisp joke. Wow.

So, yeah, because I would have maybe just said, oh, can you make it? Why don't you taste it and then make me a good one? You would never... I would have gone back.

And given that poor fresh person some pointers. But it wasn't that off. It was just, could he use more sauce? Yeah. I guess that's the pointer. But he... I wouldn't have probably noticed even. Because the quality fluctuates.

Sure. It's hard to keep a good noodle man on the job. I wouldn't have probably noticed even because, you know, the quality fluctuates. Sure. It's hard to keep a good noodle man on the job. It was just kind of jarring to say, oh, yeah, the guy who made this is a first timer. Like, I don't know if it was his first time cooking anything. Yeah, yeah. It was his first time out of prison. It was his first day out. Yeah, first day out off of his first offense.

Yeah, do you know where you can get some strange? What is that? What is that? That's having sex with a stranger, I think. Strange? I believe so. I meant tail or krill, is that it? Or noodle box.

Do you know where this guy can get some noodle box? Oh, God, why not? That sounds like female genitalia. It sounds like what happens when genitalias get together. Yeah. A noodle box? It's a noodle box. Yeah, I'll be the noodle, you be the et cetera.

That's what I learned in Calgary. Keep your noodles out of that box. Yeah, some women like the curvy noodles. Now, sometimes it's going to be a little dry. You're going to need more sun. Very blue, this episode. I'm sorry. I think it's going to be a little dry. You're going to need more sun. Oh, my God. Very blue, this episode. I'm sorry. I think it's my fault.

Okay. The next, the other weird thing. We're masters of the double entendres. I know. We're one and a half entendres. The other thing that happened at our weird lunch place was a restaurant downtown called The Chopped Leaf. Oh, yes.

I've been there. And they will give you a wrap or a salad or a soup. They will make you wait in line for it. Yeah. Well, here's what happened today is I went there. I worked basically. I was on a roll at work, so I didn't want to break and then come back. And so I didn't go for lunch until 3 o'clock

but I went there at 3 and there were people eating in there there was like 2 or 3 tables full of people and but the people that are in the kitchen area weren't there and then I walked up to the till to order

and the guy said oh we're closed right now and like i walked up he said we're closed and i said really and he said yes we're closed and so i turned on my heel and i left oh wow and then i went outside and i literally shrugged but it was so like there were people in there, and then there was some kind of commotion behind, like, in the back area where you can't see. Oh. And so I wonder if they were being robbed. Oh. Oh.

Oh. That's. Well, did you watch the news? No, I don't think robberies ever show up on the news. I think there's probably a million salad restaurant robberies a year. I'm wondering, Dave, if there's going to be one day that you're going to break. Because you're so kind

and generous and you would never say about the sauce and you would never be upset about... Oh, like do a real falling down. Yeah, like is there going to be a point where you're just going to turn over a table and kick something? Yeah, I have a lot of anger, but I do... I find that this podcast is

a bit of an outlet. If I didn't get to talk about it here, I would probably be losing my mind at the people there. But as I was leaving, I was like, should I spit on the floor as I leave? Or should I say, I'm never going back?

What did you do? No, I'm going to go back. Because I was literally like, where can I get something fresh that's tasty? Let me say. They have this wrap that's got apples and chicken in it. We were bad-mouthing Subway, but neither of these instances would have happened at a Subway. That's true. They were closed when they were obviously open.

And they wouldn't, even if it was the new guy, there'd be a supervisor checking things out. I was at a subway in St. John, New Brunswick, that was racist towards some black people in there. What? They served several white people before in the lineup. And they insisted on serving the black people. And the black people left. They took off. Yeah. Well, that, and rightly so.

Okay, yes. But is this more of a, now let's not bring down the whole subway chain Because of what happened in St. John's St. John Oh, sorry St. John's, Newfoundland, it would never happen there St. John, New Brunswick And I have to say, I also have the caveat

Of I am a bit provincialist Against New Brunswickers Explain It's a small province Yeah, like a Cinderella story against New Brunswickers. Explain. It's a small province. Yeah, like a Cinderella story. It's a real underdog. I don't want to offend any of the New Brunswick listeners.

I have since changed my tune. Okay. How does that do you? I got family now in New Brunswick in Moncton who moved there. But whenever I'm in Moncton, I'm definitely the best looking person in Moncton. Whoa. Well, now, if you said you didn't want to say anything, that's throwing down a gauntlet. That's like.

No, no. You're a very pretty lady. Nah, nah, I'm full of shit. It's all mirrors. It's all mirrors. No, I have since now started falling in love with New Brunswick now because I'm there often. But at the time, I was a bit provincialist. Yeah.

That's not a word that anyone has said, and you've said it twice. Yeah. It's like racist towards a province. Towards a province. What would be the American one? Statist? Statist, probably. Yeah.

Are you a statist against any states? No, I'm good with all of them. Really? Is there one runt of the litter? I don't know. I've only been to a couple of them. Yeah, but by reputation, you know that West Virginia is worse than regular Virginia. I don't like to play the... Status games?

I was in South Dakota, and I was at a diner, and I was on tour, and I was desperate for vegetables. And I said, do you have any vegetables? And she said, yes, we have French fries. And I said, no, do you have any vegetables? And she said, yes, we have French fries. And she thought I was retarded because I didn't know French fries was a vegetable. And I thought she was retarded for thinking that French fries were a vegetable. It's a real Henry O story.

I'm full of Henry O stories. Abby is sort of the same way. She, like, we sometimes talk about, like, oh, do you think we could do a week of being vegetarian? And I'm pretty sure she would just eat French fries the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you do when you're first vegetarian. You just eat the same thing that you would eat, only the vegetarian version. Did you have a veggie, Grew?

I am a veggie, yes. Oh, really? I am Grew. Many years. Yes, many years. But you would eat like... I recall eating some cans of Chef Boyardee cheese ravioli. I'm like, well, there's no way this is any better than eating the one with meat in it.

But, you know what I mean? Like, you do. You just eat French fries and just the worst. And then eventually you graduate out of it because your body is like, oh, you're going to die. You have to switch this up a bit. Well, that's why I was going to the chopped leaf. When they told me they were closed, but they were clearly open. The thing with the chopped leaf.

Because I'm black. I told you. I've been there many times, and you can order one of their pre-existing things. It's on the menu. Or you can make one up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's... can I get a suggestion from the audience

exactly you can improv a sandwich and and they're at the cash register yes and oh you boys

are good I can get you to level B at Second City Training Center that's the only improv joke there is oh except

I used to do an impression of an improviser at a job interview. Can I get an occupation? Hey, that's good on many levels. Yeah, right, right? Right. It's the Gary Larson of improv jokes. There's a cow. A lady in

cat-sized glasses. But there was, you have to order, there is an order to the way that you have to order like you have to order that it's going to be a wrap or a sandwich and then on down the line what type of vegetables what type of dressing or whatever and then in the middle the guy was i started asking me questions like do you want to add this do you want to add this? Do you want to add that? And I was like, it's already like an eight-step process. And you're like throwing in other steps that aren't, you know, like I think he thought I had a real handle on it, but I really didn't. And I ended up ordering a wrap with noodles in it.

Which, I was like, how did that happen? It's called the if you say so. Yeah. which was like how did that happen yeah it's called the if you say so yeah it had like what do you call them like chow mein noodles yeah in the wrap and then also peas

and I was like you dip it in soup you boys I think you boys are too nice you need to spend more time in Toronto to get

to get kind of arrogant and smelly just boundaries you know just like yeah no boundaries I let that guy walk all over me probably the same guy Toronto. To get kind of... Arrogant and smelly. Just boundaries, you know? Just like... Yeah. No boundaries.

I let that guy walk all over me. Probably the same guy. When I was in Toronto, I was the best looking person. It's true. Male or female. It's true. Yeah. You were.

Oh, Laurie. So, Graham, what's up with you? I just came back yesterday from Calgary. Oh, for the debate tour. Yes. No, I went back to get from Calgary. Oh, for the debate horse. Yes. No, I went back to get a refresher course in sex ed. Watch what the bull does to the cow. I'm a big fan of the debaters and I like it when you're on too.

Well, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've been on too. I've been on a couple of times. Okay, great. He debated the wonderful Paul F. Tompkins. Yeah, I've done a debate. And who did you debate?

Most recently? Yeah. A guy named Neil Grom. And before that? Many, many other people. Graham's been on many times. He's the protege of the debaters. The show is his mentor.

Whenever they need a hippie-esque person, I, like I was there saying, arguing to ban the rodeo and I lost, soundly. But the interesting thing

that happened at the debaters was the mayor of Calgary was in the audience and at the end of the show he came up on stage and gave

Steve Patterson a white hat Steve Patterson the host of the show the host of the debate and the white hat in Calgary is like the key to the city like the Pope has been given it and William and Kate when they were in town would he ever wear the white hat

does he already have a white hat high fives everybody high fives when they were in town. The Pope is, would he ever wear the, doesn't he already have a white hat? Come on, high fives everybody, high fives. Yeah. The Pope in a giant white cowboy hat. I would really, I would convert

just to see that. Yeah. Well, that's, that's, it's, but it's crazy because that,

I remember that as a kid being like, that was the hugest thing because anybody famous who came to town was met by the mayor and given this. And there's like a kind of repeat after me ceremony, which Steve did. It was really great. Like, it was like a part of my life I had completely forgotten.

Yeah. That all came flooding back like in that second because they make everybody in the audience scream Yahoo, and I'm like, oh, that's my whole childhood with people yelling Yahoo. And then Yahoo came out. Dot com? Well, Yahoo Serious first, then Yahoo.com. Oh, my God.

Yahoo Serious. The chronology of Yahoo. There's only been three. Yeah. The celebratory yell. australian hick australian star right and uh yeah where is he now who is he now yeah who is he now uh guys i don't know where he is i did you ever see young einstein yeah i didn't. I saw Reckless Kelly as well. Oh, really? Which was his... Ned Kelly story? Yeah.

But, like, a biopic but fun. Is Ned Kelly the Australian cowboy? He was, yeah, a bank robber, I thought. I don't know nothing about no Ned Kelly. Me neither. I don't remember. I don't think the movie was accurate. Much like Young Einstein wasn't as accurate as it could have been. Graham,

some of your social references are so like Chef Boyardee. Yeah. They're just like the kind of trashy. Yeah. That's where I dwell. Yeah. That's where my brain is most comfortable. Top five Einstein movies.

Oh, the one with Meg Ryan. Yeah, IQ. Yahoo! Series is Young Einstein. Zero others. No, IQ. Yahoo! Series is Young Einstein. Zero others. No, no. I'm not giving up on this. Baby Einstein.

Oh, thank you. Wasn't Einstein? Baby Einstein helps me have a shower. Oh, nice. Is there a... Wait, did it teach you how? Yeah. Yeah.

By myself. You know, you put it on. You say, hey, it on, you say, Hey, baby, me and Einstein, Mommy's having a shower. I feel like there was an Einstein in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Oh. I feel like that's a definite possibility. Okay.

Was Einstein maybe in A Beautiful Mind as like, Hey. Hey, Einstein. Einstein's tapping the cake. Stop going crazy. Was that at the same place? Yeah, same movie. And, oh, yeah, I think we got five.

Yeah, we did it. So that was awesome. And when I was at the theater, at the Martha Cohen Theater in Calgary, the guy who was running the show there, big fan of the podcast, a guy named James, came backstage specifically to say hi. Isn't that sweet? That's great. And bought me a drink. That's two check marks. Yeah.

Come say hi, buy me a drink. That's a great... If you brought a Subway sub Vegetarian For any listeners in the audience And you're all listeners actually But if you ever see Graham in the wild Those are the two things you need to do

Say hello, buy me a drink He's not hard to recognize He's very distinctive I'm wearing a giant white cowboy hat You know what you are? You're on brand Like Chef Boyardee. Anytime you see him, whatever city you're in, he's the best looking guy in it. And Graham, you stayed true like when I first met you years and years and years ago.

You are the same person. You've had more experiences. You've had more successes. Yeah. But you're staying true to who you are. I think so. What was I back then? I don't remember. I love it. Sorry, I just had more successes. Yeah. But you're staying true to who you are. I think so. I was, what was I back then? I don't remember. I love it.

Sorry, I just went on maternal on you. I don't know that anyone, it's very sweet. I don't know that anyone at our level really sells out. I just wasn't given the chance. Screw you guys. No, no, I've auditioned for Walmart. Ooh. You know, like, because I do lots of commercials, right?

But that's not, you're not not being true to yourself. What do you care of? What do you care about Walmart? I don't know. Like, okay, commercials are what helps me work as a writer, right? Yeah. I'm in commercials. But I do have to have these sort of moral dilemmas of products that I sometimes don't believe in.

However, I would be happy to be on TV to sell their product. You know what I mean? You make it sound like it's so easy to get a commercial. Is it? For her. What do you got that others don't got? Or can you give any tips? Okay, well, well.

What do I got that others don't got? The look. Slam and bomb. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. I'm like an accessible level of hotness. Okay. I'm not like overly hot.

I'm just- Not a New Brunswick. I'm regular hot. You're inaccessible. So that they can put me with a younger guy or an older guy and it seems like,

oh yeah, she would be married to any of them. Yeah, she would marry any age. And Second City, right? I'm on faculty

at Second City in Toronto and all the Toronto casting directors for commercials want you to have Second City. So going in there and saying,

them saying, do you have Second City training? And I get to say, no, I'm a teacher. Ah. Ah. Nice.

In your face. In your face. And that gets the commercial writers out of having to write a commercial. And once you've booked a few commercials, then they get to know you and they know you're all right and you book a few more.

Yeah, no, I teach how to audition for commercials. Wow. That's a, wow. Oh, yeah. What are the top 65 tips that you would give to someone? Top 65? Okay, I'll give you one.

The camera is the eye of a lover. It sees everything. So if you're scared or nervous, it'll see that. But that's what I am around a lover. Yeah. How close of a lover are you? Can you, like, quickly flash it? Are we back to the bananas in the pants again?

We never strayed that far from it. Yeah. There's a commercial right now that I'm obsessed with. It's a for, I don't know exactly what it's for, but it's for realtors of America. There's just two syllables in that. No, I'm talking about a different group of people. What is it? Realtor? Yeah, R-E-A-L. No, I'm talking about a different group of people. What is it?

Realtor? Yeah, R-E-A-L. What did I say? Realtors. Realtors. What a hic from reality. But it's a kid talking to his grandfather, and he's like, when I grow up, I'm going to buy a house just like this one. And the grandfather says

like just stares off into the middle distance and goes I hope so I hope so I can't stop every time now somebody asks me a question that's what's going on in my head I hope so if we're not all slaves to the Chinese

I don't know what kind of horrible future this guy's picture it's zombies because zombies are really big right now yeah absolutely

he's picturing zombies I'm having this fantasy of buying a zombie cottage zombie proof cottage you know oh yeah do different things do different things

totally different things zombie cottage zombie proof cottage you know like solar paneled and off the grid and a room for canning and a space outside so you can practice archery. For canning zombies. Yeah, you know.

No, no, no. Canning fruit and vegetables to last in winter. Your zombie preserves. Yeah, zombie preserves. And like a library of good books for the future. Oh, I hope in the zombie apocalypse they still have TV. Yeah, we'll have a solar-powered DVD. You'll be able to watch The Wire.

Again. And True Blood. And Walking Dead. You're like, I'm just going to escape. Oh, this isn't anything like the real thing. This is cartoonish. Oh, man. Well, we gotta...

Should we take care of some business? Let's do that. This can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't wanna do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor.

You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. It's business time, which means we gotta... we're taking care of some business. We've got a personal message that's come through. It's a few episodes ago. I can't remember the exact one. There was a birthday message sent from Leaf Nordberg to his brother...

Jameson. Jameson. It was in the Kulop episode. That's right. And this is the message because the original message told the tale of breaking a windshield. Yeah, and having to pay for it himself. That's right. That was funny.

And this is the response. This is a return happy birthday message. Happy birthday to you as well, Leaf. And congratulations on stealing my idea for your birthday present. It was amazing to get a birthday wish on my favorite podcast. However, your memory is perhaps clouded from the impact on the windshield because we both had to pay for it. Enjoy being a big stupid dumb hole, Jameson. They've got a fun relationship.

Yeah. Just as an added bonus, let's sing the French-Canadian happy birthday song. Sure. Let's all three of us do it starting now. Mon cher Elif, c'est à ton tour. No, no, no. I know the real one. I don't know the real one.

Here's how it goes. Mon cher Elif, it's your birthday. Gonna party like it's Le Birthday. Gonna drink Le Bacardi, come say Le Birthday. Je m'appelle Saint-Conseant. You have a beautiful singing voice. Dave, you ruined everything. Yeah, I know.

Love you, Leif. So happy birthday to Flotsam from Jetsam. Yeah. And I have a feeling that these two guys are going to go back and forth. Yeah. And they are going to just basically fund us for the next year or so. I hope so. Speaking of funding.

Wait a minute. Before we do that, if you would like to send a message to someone... Speaking of messages! Yeah, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. It's $100 for a personal message like that one. $200 for a corporate message

to say, hey, I incorporated. Speaking of incorporated things! We're not, but imagine if we we were how much money we'd be yeah speaking of money it's a fundraiser speaking of incorporated things maximum fun uh has just incorporated a new podcast into the fold uh what is it it's called throwing shade and it is hosted by brian sophie and Gibson. Check it out at MaximumFun.org. They are a lady and a gay and it examines lady and gay issues

from a lady and gay perspective. Love it. Yeah, Sex and the City Hotel. Speaking of Sex and the City, speaking of cities, if you live in one, maybe you're interested in being part of the MaxFunDrive, which will be starting next week.

Yeah, at the end of this here month. Well, what is it? Let me tell you all about it. Okay. Each and every year, the entire MaxFun group of podcasts reaches out to you, the listener, to donate, to help things go.

There's costs associated with producing these podcasts. We, none of us, are making a ton of money. But we appreciate, if you like the show and you want it to keep going, one of the greatest ways to do that is to donate during the MaxFunDrive. In that time

you will hear us making all sorts of pleas to donate. And that's not just for us. That's for my brother, my brother, me, the brand new edition Throwing Shade, Judge John Hodgman, Bullseye, and Jordan Jesse Goad. Yeah, and we won't go on too much about it

because I think in the next couple of weeks you'll get more details. That's just a taste. If you do donate, there's stuff you get, including extra episodes that nobody else gets. more details but that's just a taste if you do donate uh there's there's stuff you get including uh extra episodes that nobody else gets yeah yeah we're working on our plans for the extra episode it's gonna be great shall we move on to the overheard absolutely let's move on overheard overheard overheards uh things when you go out into the world, if you're blessed with a good set of ears, or a good set of eyes, or even just one eye or one ear.

Yeah. You can overhear or oversee things and then report them to us. Hey, here's the thing. What? One of our phone calls today, it's going to be an overdreamt. Oh, so that's, you know, it's an oververb. Yeah. Uh, and we always like to start with the-

Now before we go overhards! It's time for my favorite segment on the show. It still surprises me every time this happens. My favorite segment on the show. A relatively new segment. Still haven't received any feedback on it. Trying this right in. A segment that is called

Celebrity Birthdays. Celebrity Birthdays. Celebrity Birthdays. And today is an amazing birthday day. It is March 15th, the Ides of March. Oh, beware them. Beware of it or them. And so many great birthdays today. Dave, before you get into that, I want to interrupt you with my favorite segment, Hulk Hogan News. Oh, the Hulk Hogan News. Now, Graham, oh my god. It's been a big week. It's been such a

big week. Now, we recorded the podcast last week on the eve of probably the biggest Hulk Hogan news story to hit this year. The eves of March. Yeah. Beware them as well. What happened? Well, Hulk, there's been a lot of chatter, a lot of TMZ coverage that there was a...

TMZ. Oh, right. We're in Canada. Yes. That Hulk Hogan had a sex tape. What? What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Slow down. You're glossing over this. Hulk Hobman had a sex tape. Herb Hamman. And by the way, we got so many emails about this. Yes. Graham is the guy who does Hulk Hogan news every week. You think I wasn't on the scene when this happened?

Graham found the story about Hulk Hogan and his weiner. Yeah, yeah. Like a few weeks ago. We can say banana. No, his weiner. Hulk Hogan had a quote about his weiner. He has a battery in his back that makes his wiener go up. Yeah.

So did you think Graham... Like in his bum hole? Well, it's not important. But people thought that I wouldn't know. Yeah, people thought you would miss that. Oh, Grant Clark. That you didn't have a Google News alert for Hulk Hogan. Please, friends.

Hovelminton. Friends listening wherever you're listening. But thanks for sending those in. Yeah, and now, I mean, Hulk Hogan, sure. He had a sex tape. And sure, he was quoted in the press as saying he doesn't even know who it could possibly be with because he's banging so many chicks at that point. What point was it? Just after his divorce from Lydia Hogan.

Dame. Dame Lydia Hogan. Dame Judith Hogan. uh so that's anyways so there's a sexy but then so that that would have been everybody was like this is going to be the biggest hulk hogan wait but like it is big news i don't think you should gloss over it just because there is something else i think we do need to examine a h Hulk Hogan sex tape and what it would be like to have sex with Hulk Hogan. Really?

Can't you just sort of... It would be like having sex with a leather couch. Apparently... You never know. He might be very tender. You can see his thong tan line. Has anyone seen the video? Is it public?

No, it's not public. Are there stills? Yes. Have you seen them? Yes. Can you forward them? Can you see his tan line? Yes. Who is seen them? Yes. Can you forward them? Can you see his tan line? Yes.

Who is shooting the video? What's the vantage point? Is it just locked up? Macho Man is there. He's on the top rope. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Listen, listen.

You never know what someone's going to be like in bed. Okay. You don't. So Hulk Hogan has this exterior that he's a tough roughy. Tough roughy. He's a tough roughy. Well, that was, yeah. That was his original name. I's a tough roughy. Tough roughy. He's a tough roughy. Well, that was, yeah, that was his original name.

I'm a tough roughy. So he might be quite different when it's just a one-on-one scenario, naked. No, he's always a one-on-one scenario. He's not in a tag team. Oh, no, but he sometimes would. You know, he would join a tag team. He was Bruce the Barber Beefcake. But, yeah, so he doesn't know who the person is He was Bruce the Barber Beefcake But yeah

So he doesn't know Who the person is Because it was filmed secretly Okay so it was just a camera Locked off in the room So somebody invited him to go wild on her To run wild on her Alchermania style

To suplex her vagina To atomic leg drop her And At atomic leg drop her labia atomic labia drop I think it's really to noodle her box he did, he noodled her box and uh you know, he's not wearing

I haven't seen the whole thing I assume he didn't rip off his shirt at the beginning you assume, but you're wrong he's not wearing a headband. So is he bald and he has clown hair around his eyes? Yeah. He's got his long blonde hair. Is he playing Metallica bass? Yeah. He's doing all of the things

that you would hope he was doing. He's hitting her with a metal chair. It's never funny. Yeah. It's her thing. He's feeding her vitamins. He's praying. Yeah. It's her thing. He's feeding her vitamins. He's praying. Yeah, he's praying for her.

Dave, you accidentally know way more about Hulk Hogan. No, there's no accident. This is a segment on the show. I know it's a segment on the show, but you really didn't want to know all these things. Just because you do. Look, just because I look like a rough tough doesn't mean... No, no, it's a tough roughy. Oh, sorry. A tough roughy. Not a rough tough.

No, I grew up with Hulk Hogan. He lived in our basement. He lived down the street. Yeah. A new boy in the neighborhood lives downstairs, and it's understood. He's there just to take good care of me. Yeah. Hulk in charge.

Sometimes I would get frustrated by how this show takes so many digressions. And then I just got over it. You just got to let it go. Look, the majority of the people who listen to the show don't listen to the show. That's true. I guess the people who get frustrated are the majority and they don't listen. Now, so that's a big sure. You're right.

Don't just gloss over it. But I feel like the everyday press. Did the video end with him glossing over it? Yeah, he glosses. That's gross big, sure. You're right. Don't just gloss over it. But I feel like the everyday press. Did the video end with him glossing over it? Yeah, he glosses. That's gross. Okay. But I feel like this is a story that we're going to follow in the weeks to come. Yeah.

And it's going to change. There's going to be other quotes. I'm sure the video will be leaked online. There's going to be many videos. Who's the woman? He doesn't know. Nobody knows. What do you mean he doesn't know?

You know who you sleep with. No, that's the whole thing. He was just having crazy post-divorce, having sex with everybody. It was filmed secretly. Who has time for that? Paul Cogan.

He's got a manager. But is the woman not in the video? He hasn't seen it. It was reported, hey, somebody's shopping around a sex table. But is the woman not in the video? Yeah. He hasn't seen it. That's the thing. It was reported, hey, somebody's shopping around a sex tape. And in whatever part of the video they're showing, she's not in. You can see him, but it's not...

She's on the other side. That's somewhat classy. Does he call his lover brother? Yeah. No, she calls him a Hulkamaniac. No. All of his lovers are ex calls him Hulkamaniac. No. All of his lovers are ex or current Hulkamaniac.

But in the midst of this This episode is gross. I started following Hulk Hogan on Twitter. At Hulk Hogan 403. Yeah, yeah. It had been taken. You started? You haven't been there?

No, because I would just source out my Hulk Hogan news for my many wrestling reporters. Right. Out in the field. Your Jimmy Mouth of the South's heart would call me via megaphone. Your Bobby the Brain's Heenan. Yeah. In Gorilla Monsoon. Gorilla Monsoon.

So I started following him. And within minutes of following him, he posted a tweet that said, hey, if you want to ask me anything, just tag it with pound challenge Hulk. Hashtag Hulk. Hashtag challenge Hulk. And so I just went nuts and asked him like 10 questions in a row, none of which Because I was like, this guy's not going to answer questions About this sex tape, that's all anybody's asking him So I went for the obscure

And I asked him about Last week's Hulk Hogan news story Exactly, about Newt Gingrich Using Hulk Hogan's theme song at a rally Real American by Rick Derringer Wow Good sourcing using Hulk Hogan's theme song at a rally. Real American by Rick Derringer. Wow. Good sourcing.

I did some Wikipedia-ing last week. Well, first what I did is that Hulk had written to George Foreman on Twitter and said, my girl could beat your girl any day. And I was like, that's weird. Is he talking about his daughter, Brooke? Does George Foreman have a daughter named George? He does. Georgina.

Georgina. And then he corrected it and said, I didn't mean girl, I meant grill, because I guess Hulk Hogan has a grill, and also George Foreman has a grill. Okay. So then I tweeted him saying something like Hulk Hogan's

all-girl grill or something. And then he wrote back and said, typos happen, brother. I was like, I nearly passed out. I couldn't believe. He's got time to tweet Graham back. Of course he's got time to get some Skrill on the side. So this is very important. Is this your first contact?

With Hulk Hogan? Yes. Absolutely. Oh, grand. It was great. It's like having Popeye write to you. Yes. It was insane.

No, honey. How did you feel? I really, seriously, when it happened, the room started to spin. I was like, what? Hulk Hogan just responded to me. There was a connection to. Seriously, because you make these jokes and stuff, but you're also a big fan.

You have forever. And you legitimately feel that this guy is kind of a mentor to you. Yeah. Well, that's why I take my vitamins, right? Everybody. And you pray like five times a day to Mecca.

So then that could, that should have been enough. That's some top-shelf investigative live-at-the-scene Hulk Hogan news. Yes, yes, yes. Al Capone's vault style. Yeah. And then I didn't think any more of it. And then the next day, he responded to one of the questions that I asked about the Newt Gingrich rally.

Did he respond in a tweet? He didn't, Dave. He made an entire YouTube video out of it. No. Yes. Where he talks about Newt Gingrich and how he's going to run for president. He Hulk. And he says, why would you vote for a Fig Newton

when you could have the whole enchilada? That's the take-home quote. And also he mispronounces president at one point. It says presentent. And he also puts a crown on for some reason. So you could change the history of American politics. Yeah, with one little tweet. One little tweet.

Yeah. Graham, you are more powerful than you think you are. We all are, aren't we? In our own ways? Well, no, you are. No, I'm pretty. No, I'm pretty. No, I'm pretty. I was talking to Graham.

You know I levitate. Oh, yeah, you teach levitating. Graham, that's amazing. That's a pretty good Hulk Hogan news, right? That is awesome. Yeah, so if anyone doesn't follow or read the recap blogs on MaximumFun.org, I think this week you're going to have to

to see the video that Hulk... Yeah. Because this is the blue show, you know? Yeah. It is. It's Mr. Hulk Lydia. Yeah. Underscore. Atomic leg. Okay, now it is seriously time for celebrity

birthdays, guys. Enough of this... Overheard. Nope. Celebrity birthday birthday you're wrong with that i was wrong i know i was right these are some fantastic celebrity birthdays today uh um rapper and hologram will i am turned 37 today presidential election hologram. Extra host, I guess, and singer, I guess. Mark McGrath turns 44 today. Is he either of those

things anymore? Does he host Extra or does he host some lyrics show? Does he host a game show about not forgetting lyrics? Or the singing bee? What is the name of that show about not forgetting lyrics? Oh, please remember the lyrics Don't forget to paint your toothbrush

Television bald And singer Brett Michaels Television bald Do you mean like bald or bald No I mean bald As in like he's a bald Oh like he's a bald Not like he's a bald. Oh, like he's a bald.

Not like he's like always balling. No, no, no. He's a television bald. He is a bald. Bret Michaels? Bret Michaels. From The Poisons? Yes, I know The Poisons, but what is he on The Televisions?

He's on the Bret Michaels Sex in a Bus show. God, Jesus. Bret Michael and The Poisons. I don't know. Bret Michael and the- I know the band. I don't know Brett Michael and the I know the band I don't know the show and the Pennsylvania Poisons

he was on a show he was it didn't start with him having his own show he was on another show like this crazy what was the one

where it was all the people live in the house The Surreal Life Surreal Life yeah and then he got his own show where he had he just banged

it's called I'm a Bang a Skank. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jeff Byardy. Listen, listen. As a union member, a proud actor member, I'm not really allowed to watch the shows.

Oh, you're really? Oh, right. Yeah, no. Boo. I'm a kind of reality. Boo. Twisted Sister singer and rock... Rock noodle hair....wanter, Dee Sn rock... Rock noodle hair.

...wanter. Dee Snider. Oh, sweetie. Is 57 today. No! It not taking it anymore-er. Yes, exactly. M16 carrier.

Oh, wait, no, that was the other guy. The guy who played the dad. That's right. Now, this is a confusing celebrity birthdays. Sexiest man on taxi, Judd Hirsch, is 77 today. 77? Yeah. I would probably still sleep with him.

Yeah, why not? Yeah. Why not? Yeah, exactly. Give me three reasons why you wouldn't sleep with Judd Hirsch. No, no, I can't. I would. Exactly.

That's why I would. Yeah. And finally, the answer to our celebrity birthday trivia question. This model once swallowed a pigeon while riding a Tilt-A-Whirl. Fabio is 53. Neither of that is true. Huh? What's the real thing?

He got hit by a goose on a roller coaster. That's true, right? Yeah. Maybe a seagull. No, it was the goose. Okay. Wasn't he the first man

to sort of introduce abs to the universe? Yeah, he introduced the invented abs. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like,

I mean, before that, it was like, it was like Burt Reynolds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a lot of,

posing for Playgirl with all the puppies in front of his genitalia. You're mixing metaphors. Yeah, that's David Hasselhoff. And it was Cosmo. Yeah. Marjorie has a very rich fantasy life.

I do, I do. So, happy birthday to all. Those are some great celebrities. Oh, my goodness. Happy birthday, friends. Now, Overhearts. Overhearts. Now, we always love to start the Over friends. Now, Overhearts. Overhearts. Now, we always love to start the Overhearts segment.

We love Overhearts. I'm just kidding. Ah, Dave. Overhearts. Ides of March. Ides of March. Now, we like to start with a guest. All right.

And you being the guest, Marjorie. I feel like a try host today, though. Yeah, it's real Lucy you'll see today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fun. I feel like a... It's supposed to be this way. It's because I know you two so well.

It's like when Ben Mulroney's going to be on... I've known you two so long. That's true. Long time. That sounds dirty. It wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry.

Overheard. All right, so here's mine. So I'm here rehearsing for a show. I brought my beautiful daughter. So, of course, I brought my favorite nanny, which is my mom, Grandma Peggy. So we're visiting Grandma Peggy is the awesome. She's quite overqualified as a grandma.

She has several. And I know she, I think my brother is her favorite kid. But I definitely think Amelia is her favorite grandkid. Right on. Yeah. Grandkid's gonna get spoiled. I don't mind being second favorite kid. As long as you can get, right?

Favorite, favorite. So we're over at dinner at my friend's house and my mom says to our six year old friend Sebastian, she says, oh, where did Smokey the cat go? And Sebastian said, oh,

he was bleeding from his bum so we killed him. Whoa! That's some real Shining Hotel stuff. Oh, real. And Mom, who is not a cat person, I am not a cat person,

she went, oh! She didn't know what to say. Any follow-up questions? Yeah. Oh. Oh. Was the cat, was it there the last time you visited?

Yes, yes. Smokey the Cat has been a fixture at that house forever where Smokey the Cat, Smokey the Cat, was bleeding from its bum and we killed it. Wow. I think he's oversimplifying it. A six-year-old. Or is he overcomplicating things?

This kid has seen visions. And maybe smoking the cat was just upstairs. The kid's like, oh, the cat was bleeding from his butt, so we killed it. No, don't be weird, Sebastian. Yeah, Sebastian, stop saying your weird psychic visions. No, I have to say, it's not as cool, because my last overheard, you guys don't have to remember, but was basically I was on the subway train in New York City. I was doing a show on Broadway and I heard another Broadway actor talking some gossip and smack.

Oh, yeah. So my life has changed. And smashed, actually. It's gone from like Broadway New York City gossip on the subway to... Grandma talk. Grandma talk. Grandma hour. They were both catty.

Oh, yeah. Pretty good, right? Yeah, good snap. Dave? Well, this past weekend, I had a chance to spend a lot of time with my family. Yep. And there was this picture that was of my mother with like a bunch, a group of girls from when she was probably 10 years old. And it was a birthday party.

And my mother remembered a detail from the birthday party. So this is kind of a, I guess it's not really an overheard, but it's... This is a classic overheard from the vault. A vintage. From a vintage vault. My mother told me the story of this girl at the party.

There was eggs, they were serving egg salad at the party. Why are you laughing at egg salad? Well, that's so weird. Is it a kid's party that they're serving egg salad? Yeah, it was the 10-year-old girls. Why is that funny for you, Graham? It was the 50s.

There was nothing else. It seemed like a really weird thing to have for kids. What were your alternatives then? I don't know. Maltids? You're not going to go to get a phosphate. No, but you know, like hamburgers, right?

I'm sure there was also hamburgers. Yeah, but just like eggs. Egg salad was obviously the centerpiece. Oh, man. Okay, the egg salad. Instead of being made with Miracle Whip, which apparently exists. Oh, Grif. Grif, what is funny about Miracle Whip?

Everything about this party is funny. These were squares. They were L7. Oh, I thought you meant that they were like egg salad squares. No, the people at the party were squares. All right, all right, all right. that they were like egg salad squares. No, the people at the party were squares. All right, all right, all right. Everyone in the 50s was squares. Yeah, so the egg salad was prepared without a miracle whip. Okay. So they had to use plain old, not margarine, mayonnaise. Thank you. And one of the girls ate some of this egg salad and turned to my mother and said,

It's not party egg. Oh, so even she knew that this is weird, right? No, no. Like she expected it to be a different level of egg salad? Yeah. Miracle Whip. Like she expected it to be a different level of egg salad? Yeah.

Miracle Whip. Egg salad was so popular at parties that mayonnaise in egg salad wouldn't do. But Miracle Whip in egg salad creates party egg. Oh, wow. Wow. And how did we get to this point where we have the internet and all this stuff? I don't know. Still people are still eating eggs at parties or how is my mother's

mind not blown every day when she goes to a modern day party and there are no egg salads I think party egg is how I got pregnant what

oh you were playing around a party egg Graham overheard you're overheard mine is partially like an over an overseen that didn't click it like i wanted it to um no like if you're at a uh a shopper's drug mart or if you're on the west coast a london drugs um or yeah it's not cross canada lugs. Right, but we have a... Let's name a drug source. Oh, sure.

Rexall. Rexall, sure. Guardian. There you go. CVS. Walgreens. Mom and Pop. Yeah.

What are the ones in Great Britain? Boots. Boots. Oh, yeah, that's a good chance. Marks and Sparks. No, Marks and Spencers. Sure. Adele.

What? No, no, no. and Spencers Adele. What? No. The Queen. Somebody like you. I think it's someone like you. No, this is my version. This is a cover. I'm gonna let the rain unfire. I'm not 21, so I can't

write that. So, you know, you can walk through the security things and it can go off and nobody will say anything. They won't even look over to see if you're stealing merchandise. But I was trying to take a picture. They had these giant ads for their cosmetic section up at the front near the cash. What was this?

A London drug? This is a London drug. And they had these giant, like blown up photos. And one of the photos was a model. Like, she was like, I don't know what she's doing. She's like smelling a blush brush,

but she's holding it under her nose. And it looks like she's making a Hitler mustache. With mascara. So I tried to take a picture of it. And then one of the cashiers yelled at me, sir, you're not allowed to take photos in the store. So I have a picture, but it's super blurry because it's me panicking and trying to put the photo away. Can you put it on the blog? Yeah, I'll put it.

I always get that, like, I often see just, you know, whenever I see, I don't often see, but if I see something dumb or funny, I'll take a picture of it. And I'll always get super self-conscious that someone's going to yell at me. I was super embarrassed. Everybody looked at me, and it was like, I think probably at that same time, like somebody was sticking O'Henry's in their pants, like in their track pants. You mean Henry O's. Oh, slam. Sorry, better Henry O's. Oh, slam. Sorry, better luck next time. Oh, I've been burnt all night.

Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in by listeners all over the world. If you want to be one of them peoples, you can send them along to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And I have to say, as an often listener, these are such a treat for me. Oh, really?

Yeah. The listener ones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate them. This first one comes from Ashley Y. That's Ashley with a Y. Ashley. Why?

Ashley Y. From San Francisco. As I was driving in san francisco listening to us no less uh i saw an older minivan drive by with a message on its rear window written in that window paint stuff that people use to say things like go team or class of 2012, or just married, like that kind of stuff that you can write and it'll wash off or whatever. This one said, dump your racist BF. This is a super localized message. Yeah, or is it out to the world?

Like, hey, you're dating a racist. Dump. Yeah, get out of that situation. Or maybe it's one person who was like, every day behind me in traffic, I can tell that there's a guy driving with his girlfriend and the guy's wearing a Ku Klux Klan outfit. Dump. Ashley. That was funny. I've never seen, I have no idea what she's talking about When she says the message thing

What the painting Yeah When people write just married on the back window That's not They don't do it in permanent ink It's in like a washable I guess fine Hey Marjorie do you have a car

No I live in Toronto so I choose to transit. All right. I was going to ask if you had those cool decals or decals on the back that tell you exactly who's in the family. Oh. Have you seen those? You think those are cool? Yeah.

They're so cool. I think they're tacky because even though I'm a mom, I don't want to be defined by just being a mom. Oh, but they're so cool like um yeah no uh ryan gosling has them he's very cool wait he doesn't have a family he's got a scruffy dog yeah it's just him and his dog and alanis morissette is scraped off no ryan reynolds dated alanis morissette oh no yeah it's just a bunch of the ladies. All the vagina he slayed. Wait, he was dating Eva Mendes for a long time. Or Ava.

Yeah, until he was like, wait a minute. What am I spending all my time with one lady for? I got Gosling power. What am I doing with this woman who's an A-plus? I should be dating an A-plus plus plus. Yeah, I should be dating something out of this world. Ryan Gosling did... Break Her High?

Yes. No, before that, didn't he do... Mickey Mouse Club. Yes. Did you know I auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club? Midge. I know that you were a YTV VJ. Yeah, PJ Jory.

VJ? Well, PJ. Sorry, program jockey. Vagina jockey is different. No, the VJ's aren't much music. I auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club. I didn't get it, of course. Thank God. You would have been in the Mickey Mouse Club. I didn't get it, of course. Thank God.

You would have been in the class of Britney. Yeah. And Christina. Yeah. And Felicity. Oh, right. Felicity. Yeah.

And her giant bushel of hair. I'm kind of glad I didn't get it. Don't hide your hair under a bushel. I mean, you know, yeah, no. I would have been the drug addicted one. Like another one of the ones. Really? Are you that?

I don't know that I don't know I don't know either What would have happened if I auditioned What would have happened if I I think it would have sounded a little something What would have happened Like that I was devastated at the time but

Well of course you were a little kid Yeah You thought it was the world It was the world Yeah you weren't wrong Mickey Mouse was the funniest character in the world Still is He was the funniest cartoon going.

Is his exploit still to let us know? But you know, you gentlemen know, you get the regular failures where you try for something and you don't get it, but you get the big ones where you try for something big and you don't get it, and those are a bit more heartbreaking. I never tried. Never tried. Well, I did.

I know what she's talking about. You've tried. Come on. Okay, I did. I know what she's talking about. You've tried. Come on. Okay, the second one comes from Sarah C. Is that Sarah with an H? That's Sarah with no H. Oh, is that Sarah? Yeah, that's quite a bit different.

I experienced an overheard the other day when I was at the movie theater. The trailers were playing and one for Titanic 3D came on. My heart will go on had just begun playing when a guy walking up the stairs next to my seat suddenly said presumably to his group of friends spoiler alert, it sucks.

Good work that guy. Great job. It's kind of like the only... These reissuing of movies, that's the only time you could use a burn like that. I do like... I haven't been to a movie in months.

I haven't been since Moneyball. Oh, honey. I haven't been since... I think you just need to shut your face. When you have a kid... Oh, brother. You just don't like... Amelia's not even two. I haven't seen a movie.

Do you go to Mommy and Me movies? You should go to Mommy and Me movies. What? Those are things. They have special afternoon screenings. Yeah, they do have things. No, they're the things, but when you get them in the naptimes

and all Jesus and auditions and working and... Wow, wow, wow. Which one of you is the baby? I know my life is so hard. Are you... You've both seen Titanic 2D? Titanic 2D? Yes.

Starring Kim Field? With the roller skates? Oh, yes. Paint me like you paint Blair. I haven't seen... Titanic 2D. Titanic 2D. Paint me like you paint Blair. Titanic Tootie. Titanic Tootie. Could be an awesome mashup.

I haven't seen it, but I hear it's not bad. I've heard from a guy in a theater that it sucks. I hear it's a little long, though. It's fine. It's great. Titanic? Yeah, I wonder if... I have no idea if the effects uh will age well yeah i don't know that they'll hold up yeah but does it matter star wars you know the original four five those effects held up yeah yeah it's held up and even if not we love the story so much that we allow

stories a pile of puke what star wars story ewoks really oh I love them so much is that the best part of the story I think that's because I'm a very little person right and hairy hairy what

you're a very little and hairy person like the Ewok this guy he won't stop I'm not hairy no right

no Harry Potter maybe you guys you guys are making this weird for me. Don't look at me. This last one comes from Virginia in Seattle. I was at a Seattle Thunderbirds game. That's junior hockey.

That is a hockey team. The Western Hockey League. Triple A? No, junior. Junior. Cool. She was out with my family, and tonight, heard and saw some gems out of the mouth of babes. So these are kids yelling things out.

Very attractive kids. The first one is, on the Jumbotron, there were two little girls holding up handmade signs. One said, Ref, you suck. And the other one said, Tri-Cities suck. And then a kid shouting at the top of her lungs yelled, What is this, ladies field hockey? Which is great. It's great when a kid has mastered the,

What is this? What is this, an Eggo waffle? What am I, chopped liver? And then from her own daughter, she shouted out, let's hit some butts. That's a sentiment I can get behind. Okay, hit some butts is so much better than kick some ass.

From a little girl, that's awesome. Oh, Virginia. I love that they came, the girl brought a sign saying ref you suck. Like anticipating that the ref would suck. I've heard about tonight's ref. And really, if I can have a maternal moment and say, Virginia, you're a wonderful mom because you didn't say let's kick some butt. Yeah.

Wait, what did you say? She said let's hit some butts. Yeah. Hit some butts. Yeah. Awesome. Virginia, you're a great mom. Instead of kicking ass. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, come on, let's hit some butts. Yeah. Hit some butts. Awesome. Regina, you're a great mom. Instead of kicking ass, she was like, come on, let's clean that up.

And she's like, right, not kick. You are parenting the leaders of tomorrow. Yeah. Thank you. Keep going. What is this? Ladies' field hockey? In addition to these written overheards, we also get phone called in overheards.

And if you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Tri-Cities sucks. Hey, Graham, Dave, Impossible Guest. I was sitting at Carleton University in Ottawa, outside Tim Hortons, when someone walked by and said, the best Gomez is a dead Gomez.

Love the show, guys. Thanks. Whoa, really? The best Gomez is a dead Gomez? Honey, honey, and I got to tell you a secret. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen, I used to live on Ossington Avenue, which is right across the street from Carleton University. Uh-huh. What are your thoughts on Gomez?

Yeah. I don't think that hit as hard as you thought it would. It was right by Patty's Pub. Gomez, I have no idea what he's talking about. Well, Gomez, there's a band, right? Right. Also, isn't somebody named Gomez affiliated with the Addams Family? Yeah, Gomez Addams.

Yeah. The dad? I wasn't sure if it was the actor that played, I didn't know if the guy's name was Mr. Addams. So was this on the Carlton campus or was it like by Fetus Pizza? It was by the Tim Hortons. Oh, was it by the pizza place that I know the name of? Honey. It's called Pizza Pizza.

Social reference. It's called Honey's Pizza. Proving I used to live there. Those are the only Gomez. And it was a reference to the Planet of the Apes. The only good human is a dead human. Oh, sure. What is the little gremlin called in Gremlins before he died?

Gomez. Yeah, no, it's something though. Gizmo. I could not think of it. But it is. It's Gizmo. So that's close to Gomez. Yeah.

Oh, Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez. Well, the only good Gomez is Selena Gomez. Actually, Selena Gomez is a pretty lady. Yeah, she's a pretty good Gomez. She is a pretty lady. If you had to rank... Young lady, though, boys.

Sit down. She looks... She's dating Justin Bieber. Yes. Oh, I was thinking of the wrong person. She looks younger than Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber looks pretty young. But she looks young.

Oh, so does he. It's all right. It's all right. Yeah, but he's got four tattoos. No. What? What? Are they all little?

Religious? Yes. Oh, I thought they were all geckos. They're all geckos. Four geckos. Mr. Shemka, how many tattoos do you have? Do I have? I've got zero tattoos.

Graham? Zero. I have zero. How many pier many tattoos do you have? Do I have? I've got zero tattoos. Graham? Zero. I have zero. How many piercings do you have, Dave? Other than my blue eyes. They are beautiful. You are beautiful. And they're hazel.

I've got none. How many do you have? I don't have. All mine are gone. I used to have, but not anymore. How many did you have? Two, but that's it. Just ears?

Just ears and the Prince Albert. Do you have you have? Two. Just ears? I had one in the ear. Did you have an eyebrow? No, I never. And my Prince Albert. I had my butt pierced. You had an ear and a what? This guy, whatever you call it. Below the lip. But that didn't last very long. That was like a six

month. That was when I was first living in Vancouver. It did not last very long. A girl that I liked said that it would look good. And I was like, it really tastes really gross. It looks really good when you're squeegeeing. It looks really good when you're breaking your teeth. Yeah. That's what she was into. I didn't realize that she was

a traveling hobo. No tattoos, just the ears are pierced. That's it. We're pretty L7. This has been Square Talk. This has been square talk. Square talk. This has been

party egg. Party egg. You're next over. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. My name is Marie. I am calling from Las Vegas, Nevada

with an overseen. So the setup for this is I, in my neighborhood there is a dog grooming parlor called the Pink Poodle Parlor. And literally across the street there is another one called the Pink Poodle Parlor 2, P-O-O. And this morning I was driving to work and I ended up behind a truck with the big Pink Poodle Parlor 2 logo on it and their contact info. And they had four of those remembrance-type ribbon magnets on the back of the truck.

And one of them was labeled Poodle Adoption and Rescue, which I thought was pretty nice. And then the other ones were I Love My Poodle, Poodles, oh, Owned by Poodles, and then the very last one was Dog Groomers Do It With Style, which I thought was the most egregious example

of a misuse of those ribbons that I've ever seen. I didn't was the most egregious example of a misuse of those ribbons that I've ever seen. I didn't know you were allowed to do that. I didn't know you were allowed

to write what it would be on those ribbons. Oh my god, thank you, thank you. Tie a poodle ribbon around the old oak tree.

Because it's, those are supposed to just be for, you know, bringing the troops home. And, you know, we're battling a cancer, or... And the poodle is a ridiculous dog. No, they're really mostly for troops. Come on troops home. And, you know, we're battling a cancer. And the poodle is a ridiculous dog.

What, the ribbons? Pink ribbon. Brass cancer. But on the cars, I think they're generally for troops. Sure. They'll either be yellow or camouflage. But what if one of them was owned by a poodle? Yeah. Well, that's weird. This minivan... Is that for chew toys?

This minivan is owned by a poodle. I want to know if Maria has any dogs herself. Yeah. Well, here's my main thing right off the bat. That there's a poodle place and then the sequel to it is across the street. So there was no way that there was so much like overflow that they couldn't right like you would book an appointment there's no poodle emergencies maybe one is for emergencies and one is one is for people who will pay extra because they they have a poodle emergency

poodle in a pinch oh that's what would you what would you name the prequel of the poodle place like the one that's behind the floor ofle Place? Before the pink poodle. Beneath the pink poodle. Oh, no, no. Or pre-poo. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Pre-poo-bescent. I'm a writer. There we go. In Vancouver

there's a bunch of consignment sporting goods stores in sort of the Dunbar UBC area called Cheapskates. Okay. And there's a Cheapskates 2, and I think there's a Cheapskates 3 and a Cheapskates Golf that all, as it just expanded its stock. Yeah, they were like, oh, no, it's a franchise.

Even though it's going to be golf, we still have to call it Cheapskates. Yeah, it's a franchise. Cheap cleats. It's a franchise that Cheap cleats. It's a franchise. They're all within a block of each other. I don't understand naming. Because it's not like you don't go to KFC 114.

You don't go to KFC. Can we talk about that? Yeah, sure. You don't go to KFC. You don't go to KFC. Even if you're not a vegetarian, don't go to KFC. It's the grossest. I remember having. But everyone gets that craving once a year.

Yeah. And then that regret. Dave, it's called pregnancy. Everyone gets pregnant once a year. It was Boston cream donuts for me. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm not a sweet tooth.

I'd rather have like olives or fine cheese. But you're a sweet uterus. Sweet uterus. I remember going through a really big Boston cream donut phase. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. Were you pregnant like I was? Well, my sex ed seemed to indicate that I might have been.

The final overheard is actually, as mentioned, an over-derempt. Right. Hi, Graham, Dave, and beautiful guest. This is Zach from Chicago calling with an over-dreamt. It was a very brief dream. I was standing in my kitchen back home from my childhood home, and with me was both of you. It was Graham's body with Dave's voice and some lady.

And you two in one body and the lady were holding a bowl and presenting it to me. And you said, look, we made a bowl of diarrhea. And I made a grossed out face. And then as if to correct me so I wouldn't made a grossed out face. And then, as if to correct me so I wouldn't be so grossed out, he said, no, we made a bowl of diarrhea.

Anyway. That seems about right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like something we'd say. You know, I have to thank Zach for calling me beautiful without even meeting me yet. He has the sixth sense. Yeah, he's really in tune with everything.

Thank you, Zach. Yeah. Because, you know, we were going to announce that our next podcast is where we make a bowl of diarrhea. Yep. It's for the Max Fundry. It's not a bowl of poo. It's a bowl of diarrhea. It's a bowl.

It's not a bowl of diarrhea. It's a bowl. It's not bowels of diarrhea. It's a bowl of diarrhea. It's a bowl. It's not a bowl of diarrhea. It's a bowl. It's not bowels of diarrhea. It's a bowl. It was. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah.

You know, when people tell dream stories, they're never as fun as that. Yeah. That's it. Keep it punchy. Have you seen the preview or the commercials for that new TV show about the guy who's in a dream and he's into reality and he doesn't know which one's a dream? And the therapist is like, you're in a dream and doesn't know. He's into reality. Oh, yeah. He doesn't know which one's a dream.

And the therapist is like, you're in a dream. And he's like, that's what the other therapist said. And he's like, I'm not good looking enough to be the lead on this show. But it would be funny if in one of them there's like a dead giveaway. He walks outside and everybody's driving in cloud cars. And he doesn't notice. Or like his elementary school principal is there. And he's like, I can't tell which one is the dream and which one is real.

He's sitting on the couch naked with the therapist. That's what the other person said. What is in your head, Graham Clark? Clouds and nudity Graham doesn't dream He doesn't even sleep Yeah, that's right I'm like a fight club Yeah

I'm like Jerry Fight Club As mentioned in last week's Drunk Dial Duh, I don't go to sleep ever I don't ever go to sleep ever That's my catchphrase? Yeah. Now, we are at the end of the program. We're at loose ends.

Yeah. Now, Marjorie. Yes. You have all sorts of, you've got a whole, like you say, you're living in the slashes. You've got to make a living. Portfolio earners is my accountant. Yeah. So, where, where, what, when?

Yeah, who, who, and why. And also how. Well, the how you have to get to know me a little bit better. The where and the who and the why. Listen, friends out there listening, I'm on Twitter, missmalpass.com.

I have a website, missmalpass.com. So you're on Twitter, just missmalpass. Yeah, just missmalpass. Not dot com. No. Oh yeah, website, MissMalpass.com. So you're on Twitter just Miss Malpass? Yeah, just Miss Malpass. Not.com? No. Oh, yeah, you don't have to put the.com. Not on Twitter. No, no.

And then I have a Facebook professional page. If you like it, you can find out when I'm teaching, when I'm doing shows. A Facebook professional page? Is that... Like a fan page. It's like a LinkedIn. I don't want to call it a fan page because I feel that you're my peers. Like when you come to pay money to see me do a show,

I'm grateful. It puts us on the same level. It's not like you put me on a pedestal because I'm somebody special. I'm nobody special. I'm full of shit. You're just paying five bucks to support that shit. Are you performing on any pedestals?

Now, are you also single? Yes. Are you ready to mingle? You guys. Do you enjoy Pringles? I do. Sometimes. Did you ever have shingles? No, I never did. I don't know what they are. Do you like Kris Kringle?

Yeah. Like Christmas? Not so much. Okay. Dave, over to you. Marjorie's a sick lady looking to mingle oh my god you said to say you said find marjorie a man now as evidenced by the the phonins yes we have men that listen to this show absolutely fine upstanding men uh good dudes good dudes with friends of good dudes marjorie said she's, put it out there.

Listen, if I hook up with anyone who is a Stop Boss Podcasting Yourself listener. Stop Boss Skagging Yourself. Boss Casting Yourself. Stop Boss Skagging Yourself. Stop Bosslinging Yourself. If I hook up with anyone who is a Stop Podcasting Yourself listener, I will do an overheard. There you go. All right.

But yeah, you know, hey, it's 2012. People meet in all sorts of crazy ways. It's true. Yeah, Twitter, a picture of your butt. Of your butt piercing. No, yeah, a clothe butt. Come on, this is Twitter. Dave, do you have any upcomings?

Let's say no. Just look forward to next week's beginning of the MaxFunDrive and be generous with your wallet books. Because I love you boys. And I know that everyone listening, they love you boys.

We love them. Now, see, I've been bad with announcing whereby I be doing shows. Yeah, yeah. Not this weekend, but next weekend I will be in Prince George. Oh, cool. At the only place in town that has comedy. I don't remember what it's called.

What's the date on that? The 23rd and the 24th of what month? So that is next weekend. Next weekend, yes. So when this episode comes out. Oh, yeah, this Next weekend, yes. So when this episode comes out. Oh, yeah, this coming weekend, yes. You can find out more on, I'll put up the thing on the Facebook. You should say March because people sometimes listen to these much later.

Think of the Ides of March, add a week. Yeah. That's what I'll be doing. Then add a day. Yes. 2012. Oh, yeah, 2012. Before the world has ended.

Or if you're listening to this in a future civilization, after the world has ended. No, until before. They can't go see you. Oh, that's right. Also, I should mention that on March 26th at the Havana, it's the Laugh Gallery show. The third one that we've done so far. Lineup not fully put together, but past guest Ivan Decker is for sure going to be on it. So cute.

And there's going to be a guy I've never seen before, but a real live ventriloquist. What? Yeah, like a guy. There's going to be tons of awesome prizes. I know for sure I'm giving a read-along Ghostbusters 2 book that I found.

And I don't know about you, Dave, but I pretty much got my start at the Laugh Gallery in Toronto. Yeah, I absolutely got mine in Vancouver. And some ventriloquist is going to rock it to the top. Yeah. Like we are. Yeah.

So if you like the show, tell your friends, and we'll see you next week on... Stop Podcasting Yourself! I love you. The fallback. The fallback. With you Little Christensen Okay, keep playing.

Play something else. Nobody means nobody No, I said play something else. Play something else. What, you were playing Stop It? Talk about the sizes. Put your plug in and play something else.