Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 21 - Lauren Martin

Episode Date: July 21, 2008

Actress and comedian Lauren Martin joins us to talk about Flava Flav's new show, sex movies, and Full House stuntcasting.  Meanwhile, Dave uses the phrase "on the nose" "way too often."

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Welcome everybody to episode 21 here of Stop Podcasting Yourself, also known as Lobsterfest Day. My name is Graham Clark, and joining me, as always, is the hilarious and plaid-wearing Mr. Dave Shumka. I'd say it's more of a madras. Sure. How you doing, Dave?

I'm great. How are you? I'm horrible. I just got back from the dentist. I'm so angry. And joining us here today is our guest, actress, comedian, sketch artist. That's not to say that she's a sketch artist like the police use, but a sketch artist. Lauren Martin, how you doing? Hello. I'm doing very well. Thank you, Graham. Thanks for coming. Lauren Martin is the blonde half of the sketch group, the Crawford Twins.

Would you call yourself blonde? I would call myself blonde. It's a sandy blonde, right? It's a natural blonde. A filthy blonde. Everyone says dirty blonde. Now, not that there's anything wrong with being dirty, but it's a natural blonde. Well, that was like a really Sue Johansson way to say that.

Not that there's anything wrong with being dirty. Not that there's anything wrong with that this is very sex positive culture let's uh embrace that so you're a natural blonde yes yeah i am as well i'm the same we're in the same we were probably very blonde as babies yeah was your hair like almost white yeah yeah yeah me too but i'm not blonde anymore really did you yeah oh i was oh i remember remember I seen the picture of you in your gay shoes. Yeah. One of the pictures of me in my gay shoes. So cute. Super cute.

So cute. He still has those shoes. Yeah. They don't fit, but you know. But he keeps one in each pocket every time he goes on stage for luck. Yes. I had moccasins as a baby. Really?

Yeah. My mom lived up north for a while. Oh, where the air gets cold. And so she had like moccasin baby shoes.. Really? Yeah, my mom lived up north for a while. Oh, where the air gets cold. And so she had, like, moccasin baby shoes. Up north, you were in northern Alberta? Northwest Territories. Wow. So up north, north, north.

Yeah, north of 60. I didn't live up there. She lived up there with my older brother. Oh, okay. Oh, but then she brought you back moccasins. I wore his hand-me-down moccasins. Oh, okay. I was wondering how the moccasins fit into it, but you didn't grow up in the Northwest

Territories at all. No. Did you visit there? I've never been, no. Okay. I'd like to go. That was misleading. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shall we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. And get to know us. Dave, should we start with our guest? Or should I start with you?

Start with the guest. Yeah, okay. Lauren Martin, what's happening? What's new? What's going on in the world of Lauren? What's shaking, Bacon? Yeah. I, a lot is going on.

Suck it to us. Holy. We can handle it. I am working on a new show with the other half the Crawford Twins, Morgan Brayton.

Morgan Brayton, the very talented and funny. Very talented and very funny Morgan Brayton. She's actually put together

a show during Pride. Oh, yeah. And it's not just going to be us, there's going to be some... Gay Pride, right? Gay Pride. Oh, okay.

Because there's all sorts of other ways to be proud. Graham and I are putting a show together for White Pride. Yeah, White Pride. I and I are putting a show together for white pride. Yeah, white pride. I'll be on that show.

That's in August. Only blondes allowed. How did we get involved in that? I don't know. I used to be in a band. This is actually a true part. I used to be in a band with a bunch of guys from White Rock. And they were described as a White Rock band,

but not to be confused with a White Rock band. Like a White Rock band. Anyway, go on. Pride. Oh, so we did a big gay pride photo shoot for publicity yesterday. So what does that involve? Rainbow flags? I was wearing rainbow denim cutoffs and a mustache. Nice. Yeah.

Fun. It was fun. It was totally fun. I wish I was a gay man. I wish I could grow a mustache. Why do you wish you were a gay man? Because they're so free and so fabulous. All right.

And you can listen to ABBA without being judged. Okay. Girls can listen to abba without being judged okay girls can listen to abba without being judged yes you can who's getting who's judging you what are people gonna think muriel's wedding that movie is my life actually that that's weird because i've seen that movie no less than eight times and i don't even like it. It was on Super Channel. Are all Australian movies super gay? Crocodile Dundee? Check. Muriel's Wedding? Check. What's the one with their...

They're all drag queens. Priscilla Queen of the Desert. And any Baz Luhrmann movie, really. It's pretty gay. Moulin Rouge. Romeo and Juliet. Who makes fun of you for listening to ABBA? The Straights. You know what?

I haven't talked about ABBA in a really long time. So you're just assuming people would come down hard on you for it. You can change your mind. You guys are very all-embracing. Yeah, we're very ABBA positive. Yeah, we're very ABBA positive. ABBA positive. ABBA positive. We're in a very positive room right now.

So you're writing a new show, and what else? What else is... I went bowling last night. Yeah, I went... It was after hours bowling. Five pen? Ten pen? I don't want to get anyone in trouble, so I won't say where, but it was like a friend of a friend

worked at... Yeah, it was like a friend of a friend. Is it in... Worked at... Yeah, it was just a regular bowling alley. In Vancouver? In Vancouver or in the surrounding area? In Vancouver. Oh, so five pin. It was five pin.

Yeah, you can't get any ten pin in this city. It wasn't Flintstone Bowling, no. This ain't a ten pin city. Yeah, I was talking to somebody who's here from out of town. They really want to go bowling but there's only it's outrageous yeah no and then he decided he was not interested after i said that you can there's the uh one in burnaby that's 10 pin that's probably the closest and it's on a sky train yeah and it's got glow bowling and stabbings oh okay yeah i know bowling alleys are hotbeds of

violence that's what you wouldn't think. You'd think it'd be kind of laid back. Would get their aggression out with the rapid, high-paced sport of bowling. Yeah, a lot of people just... It is actually the perfect cocktail, because you're getting a bunch of people slowly drunk over many, many hours, and then at the end of the night, they don't have to worry about their shoes, because they've already given those away.

Because usually I'm not violent, because I'm afraid about my shoes. my shoes i don't want to get my shoes all scuffed up and you you're with people who you're slowly discovering are uber competitive yeah yeah that's the big that's the big reveal over the course of uh bowling or monopoly i'm a board flipper are you yeah ah Yeah. Ah, it's good to know that. And I kept myself in check last night bowling, but I've had to be bowling. Because you can't flip anything. No. No, but are you super, do you get that super competitive? I'm under the scoreboard table and cry.

But I heard from you that you committed a crime with a claw machine. Yeah, that's right. You confessed that seconds before we started the show. I should never tell you anything. You stole a seconds before we started the show. I should never tell you anything. You stole a fish. I stole a fish. Was it a finding Nemo?

A plush fish. It looked a little like Nemo, but his head was like a rainbow sherbet color. I love rainbow sherbet. I like tiger stripe.

Ooh. But you, so there was a broken. Well, you know the claw machine. There was one, someone had smashed part of, you know the claw machine? There was one... Someone had smashed part of the glass in the claw machine, so there was a big gaping hole.

And I saw, and I want, and I have now. But that's probably fair. I mean... It is fair. Stop judging me. It's not fair, first of all. It's gets a lot. And second of all, why did somebody smash the thing and not take all the stuff inside?

Right. That's curious. They must have been really angry. Well, either really angry or they just wanted one thing. They've been trying all night to get it. I've wasted some money on those. Have you ever won anything? Nope.

I won something once, but it was sitting so precariously that i just had to do it what was it it was just a teddy bear it was pink and i didn't even want it but i just wanted to win something uh but i've heard that you there's like a way of doing it because it's misleading there's a mirror behind it usually yeah yeah and so if you line it up looking forward and then you walk around to the side and make sure the claw is in the right spot you can usually the thing is usually the claw hasn't got enough um hulk-like grip to actually pick anything up it's like having two chopsticks suspended off of like two coat hangers it's got no it's got no it'll grab right on the head and then it'll pull up, and it won't pull up with nothing. It'll brush the teddy bear's head.

It's like a head massage. A couple weeks ago, I went to Denny's. It's still got one, right? It's still got one in the waiting area. There was something that seemed like it was really easy to get, but there was a huge lineup at Denny's, and I didn't want all the pressure of everyone watching me. Yeah, because it becomes the thing to watch, right?

Because even if you don't know the person involved, you kind of want them to win that SpongeBob SquarePants thing. Because everyone has a hate on for the claw. Everyone's been screwed over by the claw so you think take back the night that's what I thought so that's what you did

is that what those take back the night rallies are about yeah yeah I always wonder what those were about um

so you you've been busy good lord I know can you believe it writing a show and pillaging and pillaging.

And pillaging. And what else? What else? Is there other things going on? That's a lot. Not to say that that's not enough. Yeah. I'm doing two shows.

Wow. Right now. So I'm keeping busy. When is Pride Week? The last week of July. Okay. So this episode will be out by then. Circle it on your calendar. Cool.

Good stuff. last week of July. Okay, so this episode will be out by then. Circle it on your calendar. Cool. We're recording this on June 19th for your information. Yes, if you're keeping track in the Stop Podcasting Yourself sweepstakes, this is June 19th. So scratch that. Scratch that on your playing card.

But don't scratch anymore because then that will completely nullify any winnings. If you scratch it and it says Lauren Martin is the guest, then you win. Well, no, provided you have the other entries on the card. And that you get next week's as well. Right. And that you answer the skill testing question. Scratch the grandpa square until we say.

It's a wild card. What do you win, Dave? Oh, what do you win? A plush fish. Yes. You can win what I found at the thrift store today. I found the best thing. What did you find at the thrift store?

I found, and this like blew my mind. First of all, that it was there. It great-kentered your mind. Huh? It just great-kentered my mind. great getter in your mind huh it's just great getter in my mind uh it was a signed photo of john ratzenberger dressed in his uh pi uniform from the boston pizza commercials wow yeah wow can i scan it yeah okay it's uh it's at my house and it's clearly from a boston pizza and somebody took it at one point and has now just discarded it do you think someone stole it yeah wow oh yeah i think

lauren martin stole it probably my uncle is a big fan of his really yeah my uncle i think that was possible yeah to be a big fan of john ron well he's like the third biggest movie star of all time. A character actor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Does tons of voice work. Exactly. My uncle, Brian, he does voice work.

Does he? Yeah. He's a cool guy. He's everyone's like, you know, he's like the cool uncle. Is he the voice of anything in particular?

He's the voice that haunts my nightmares. Oh. Because he told me the operator lived in the attic and if I messed around on the phone she would come and get me oh that's awesome i want to do that to a kid someday like tell them a thing that fucks them up like that like something that's fairly innocent but also

really weird like that like the operator lives in your attic and if you don't eat your vegetables, she'll die. Something like that. My first, not my first, but the first April Fools I remember, my brother was, I guess it was playing a trick on me, but he was just doing a scary voice all morning. That was the trick? Yeah. And it was, I want to suck your blood. We must to fatten you up. That was the whole thing. That's not.

But he kept going. I probably cried and peed. That's my nomination for worst April Fool's joke ever. I'm just going to do a weird voice till noon. Till Dave cries. Why is April Fool's only till noon? Kill the fun. Yeah, because otherwise, like, nobody's going to get April Fool's done.

Only the morning DJs can do their jokes. Yeah. I think it was created by the original morning DJs, the pagans. I would like other holidays to end at noon. Christmas. Christmas pretty much ends at 8 in the morning. Yeah, yeah. i don't mind christmas can go on all day i think that thanksgiving should only start at five o'clock

the rest of the day should just be not thanksgiving you have to work oh no wait i don't like that see yeah maybe this was a bad idea holidays rule holidays are pretty good yeah why did we start no we were on the wrong path. Yeah, I blame myself. Anything else new with you or just the John Rats? That was pretty, that was the best thing to happen. And then I was at the dentist again and they really fucking sucked it to me. I think in part because of my spaz out the last time I was at the dentist.

That's why. They took out a little fucking revenge on me today, I think. And yeah, like I'm hurting. So your advice is don't ever pick a fight with your dentist. Don't pick a fight with your dentist. Or your waitress. But he started it. Oh, yeah.

Last time he started it and then I finished it. But then he refinished it today. This was a sequel. Yeah. And he wins because not only did he abuse me, he's also very rich. Right. And he's having an affair with a hygienist. I, not this dentist, but like a couple of dentists ago, I remember like lying there

and listening to what they were talking about and the way they were talking about it and the sexual tension like was I felt like I was I shouldn't be there because there was all this like

innuendo shit because they thought I was asleep because I had my eyes closed the whole time so they kept like saying things not like anything

that was explicit but kind of like at one point she was like you're so bad and i'm like do you ever say that to your co-worker anyone not banging um my my friend someone i know who i can't name because they are sensitive about this issue now well abby got her her wisdom teeth out last week and And I was talking about it to some people.

And this person told me the story of how she had gotten her wisdom teeth out. And when she went under, the dentist said to her, Oh, you're going to feel a tingling in your crotch. And she did. And then she had her teeth out and she woke up and like 10 years later she was telling people and uh she she was she brought it up to someone and they're like no that doesn't happen no it doesn't she has a bunch of friends now who are doctors and she was asking them and they're like no there's no explanation for that there's gonna be a tingling in your crotch uh doctors don't even use the word crotch it might

have been groin i don't know did you misheard maybe they said they'll be tingling in your arm and she went oh yeah there it is in my groin maybe she's just aroused by getting her teeth out i when i got my wisdom teeth out, they put me under. And when I woke up, I just started crying my eyes out. I felt like a baby. Like, you just feel all, like, screwy and helpless. It was weird. I felt the opposite.

I woke up, and the nurse kept pushing me down on the table because I'd lost a lot of blood. So I kept trying to get off of the... You kept trying to get up and drive? I kept trying to get up. And I was like, I'm fine. Like, the second I woke up out of it, I'm like, okay, let's go. And she kept pushing me down. And then I kept getting up.

And then it was her and then my mom both had to hold me down. And then finally I got up. And they were like, hold on to things. You'll fall over. And I was like, I'm fine. I'm fine. And then I did a face plant right into a woman standing in the elevator. The elevator doors opened up and I just went right into her chest.

That poor woman. She felt a strange tingling in her boots. Teeth. I still have my wisdoms. It's getting crowded in there. Yeah? Are you going to have to get them removed? I don't know.

I don't have any dental insurance. Yeah. It sucks. Yeah. It's the worst. Did anything else happen to you? I don't know. Lauren, did anything else happen to me? I't there you see any good movies yeah i saw the incredible hulk last night i liked that movie thanks for inviting me what

who'd you see i didn't invite you why would you thank me for that i didn't who'd you see it with i went with uh miss alicia toby oh it's weird because I saw her two nights ago and she was like, oh, you should come with us. Yeah. See, here's the thing. We didn't set out to go to the Incredible Hulk. I had gotten free passes to the Get Smart premiere. But when we got there, it was completely fulled up. And so they said you could go to any other movie.

And the only options were Don't Mess With the Zohan. And so you flipped a coin. And it landed at Zohan. But then it was sold out. So we went to the Hulk. Did you like it? Yeah. I liked it.

It was awesome. McWickeds and the Avenger movie that they're trying to point towards is going to be the bestest thing. Oh my god. It's going to be so good. You guys are nerds. I just hope Edward Norton's like he's kind of like not getting along with the studio. It'll happen. Yeah, we need

he's a great Hulk. He's an awesome Bruce Banner. And they did all the things. They played the soundtrack from the TV show. Yeah, they did the purple pants. The purple pants. They had Lou Ferrigno had a guest appearance. They always do that.

But Lou Ferrigno actually had lines in it, which was... No, I mean Lou Ferrigno's in every movie. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. He needs the paycheck. He needs the work. So this Avengers movie that they hinted, is that the same thing they hinted at at the end of Iron Man?

Yeah. The Avengers was... I don't know, the lineup kept changing, but it was Iron Man. What? No one knows what that is. What? Avengers. That's not true.

Avengers are pretty well known. You don't know. Abby knows what it is. I'm surrounded by nerds. Well, that's the shirt you're wearing, so just live with it. Preppy shirt. Dave only reads Family Circus. Yeah.

Speaking of which, you're a fan of Family Circus. I like Family Circus, I said. Did you know? It was heartwarming. Okay, there's like four kids? Four kids. In real life, Bill Keen, the guy who wrote Family Circus, there are five kids. Do they have all their names?

That's what I'm saying. There was some kid that they cut out. Like, you are not cute enough to make the cut. You never say anything cute. So there is. There's a fifth Bill Keen child that never made it in. Do you know its name? Its name?

That was its name. It. You know what its name is? Not me. Not me. Not me. It was the ghost kid. I have a French family circus book and the French translation is Quelle famille?

Which means what a family. What a family. A friend of mine, who I work with, very talented. It's not family circus. It's family circle. Right? No, it's family circle. It's family circle because all the No, it's Family Cir... Oh.

It's Family Circle because all the comic strips are in a circle. Are you serious? It's Family Circus. No, it's not. It's Family Circle. No, we're an idiot. Are you an idiot or are you being an idiot? No comment. It's Family Circle.

Alright, Family Circle, everyone. I think it started as Family Circle and they changed it. It's Family Circus. It's family circle. All right family circle everyone. I think it started as family circle It's family circuits. He's being an idiot I don't know. I'm so gullible. Are you are you being? Let's talk about my week. We did already. No, we didn't. Didn't we already get to no day? No.

We totally skipped over it. Here's what happened to me. The other day was no car day or car free day, I think it was called. Oh, yeah, yeah, car free day. I walked on that day. Where'd you go? On the main street where they had the festival. I watched the Buffalo Vampire Slayer on a screen out in front of Happy Bats.

Oh, what fun. It was pretty good. I went to Commercial Drive and it was crazy. Crazy smelly. Crazy packed with people. Oh, and it smelled great because all the restaurants had grills out front. Oh, yeah. grills out front.

Oh, yeah. It was, yeah, they closed down, I guess, like eight blocks of commercial drive and just had a big street fair to celebrate not having cars. So did that, so you've gotten rid of your car now, right, because of that day? No? I drove there and back. So it's a useless kind of affair is what you're saying. Yeah, but it certainly raised awareness for... For what? Kebabs?

Yeah, exactly. Kebabs in your local kebab-ery? Is that what it's called? Kebab-ery? Is that a place? Kebab-a-hut? There you go. Yeah, there was a lot of... I'll cut that out, too. Okay, please do. You know how we were we talked

about last episode about the uh uh east van or east side pride t-shirts yes i didn't see any of those but i did see two variations one was the t-shirt that says republic of east van that's ridiculous go on and the other one is uh the words east Arranged in a Crucifix. Wow. Oh, yeah. I've seen that one. Yeah. That's for the religious contingent.

In our neighborhood. There were a lot of weird things there. There was my favorite. There was a lot of, it was a nice day, so there were a lot of weird dudes with their shirts off. Yeah. And my favorite tattoo that I saw was an upside down Canadian flag on fire.

Wow. That guy's got a lot to say. But he doesn't know what it means. But he's saying it though. He's putting it out there. We brought Grandpa down and there were a lot of people with dogs.

And the weirdest one was this woman who had a chihuahua that she was carrying. And she wouldn't... I don't know why she didn't have it on a leash because all the other dogs just smell each other. But she was carrying it and she knelt down at one point and let her dog smell my dog's butt. Oh, that's nice. And then pulled it back up. Did you tell her that that's not right? No, I smiled awkwardly.

Like she was normal. Because on a day like that, she was normal. Yeah, no car day brings out the freaks. That's why we have cars, so that we don't have to be around those people all the time. Am I right? Like any gathering, it attracted protesters that had nothing to do with anything. Were there protesters?

We love cars. Well, no. Anyone will turn something into a legalized pot thing or whatever cause they have. whatever cause they have. What if the deal was that the government would agree to legalize pot, but only if we were allowed to put those people in jail? Like, that's the tradeoff. Pot would be legal, but those protesters would have to go to jail.

Isn't there a Todd Berry bit about that, about making it legal, but you go to jail if you're a pothead. I don't know. I think that there's something there. I forget it. Sure. I think my point was more eloquent than yours. Probably than his crafted bit. Well, no. I mean, if you had done his crafted

bit, then sure. I don't remember it specifically. But, my favorite protest I saw was something protesting people damming rivers, putting dams on rivers. Beavers. They're called beavers. There were a bunch of people dressed as a river.

They were painted blue, and they were all carrying the same tarp, blue tarp. And then there was a politician, a fake politician in front of them. No, it was probably a real politician. Did he have a parliament wig on? No, he had a bad suit because protesters don't own actual suits, and he was carrying a cell phone, and he was

yelling at the river, I'm damning you up! I'm damning you up! I like satire as much as the next guy, and that one is clearly as satirical as they come you like satire right and do you get the levels that they were working on there

it's clever right because he's anyways if you don't get it you're not gonna get it that's the thing with satire if you don't get it but the thing is I'm if you don't get it yes but the thing is is i'm glad because those hippies obviously they solved the fucking problem oh yeah because i looked in the paper today no more dams in this hour's 24 front page hippies protest

convinces politician that wasn't even there via a videotaped YouTube clip. Via podcast. Yeah, and so it's fucking done. So thank you, hippies, for saving the world once again. You did it. Real changes. You did it again. Congrats. Congratulations.

Kudos to the hips. Hips? No, they're called hippies. Okay, sorry. I was trying to make it hip. Is that everything? I guess, but that's so goddamn ridiculous. Now I'm all angry at a thing that I didn't even see.

I'm angry at a thing that you just related to me that I wasn't even there for. You love hippies and you love their causes. It's not hippies that I have a problem with. It's that kind of shenanigans that I'm like, why bother? May I ask you something? Please. Now you are a vegetarian. Yeah.

How do you feel about some of PETA's... PETA did a protest recently where they wrapped some of their interns in saran wrap. Okay. To protest the... You know, to say, oh, meat... That this is terrible. Like, they're simulating cuts of meat. Right.

But then one of the interns after being under saran wrap in the hot sun started taking a pass out and threw up all over herself i like that protest cruelty against people yeah is it not wait when you say pita do you mean peta peta i want to eat a pita peta i think correct PETA? I think it's PETA. I think you might be right. It might be PETA. But that makes my joke not make sense. Maybe it's not my joke.

It's not your joke yet. Don't worry about it. PETA, they have a thing. Like, their policy is that they want all animals to be free. Including pets. They don't tell you that when they ask for your donation. Yeah, yeah. So they're against having pets at all,

or any of that kind of stuff. And they also, they're in support of just letting every animal just roam wherever the fuck they want to roam. So bears in the city, that's not a problem for PETA. That's fine. What about pig in the city? Pig in the city, that's not a problem for PETA. That's fine. What about pig in the city? Pig in the city is cute.

Yeah. Nobody's against that. Right? Right. But, yeah, they're against pets. So, take that, filthy hippies. Because, you know, a lot of them probably have dogs or cats. Because they don't read the fine print.

Yeah, exactly. That's how, I mean, everyone just, when they jump on the bandwagon, kind of. Isn't Pamela Anderson, she's like big into PETA, right? Yes, Pamela Anderson served hot dogs at her most recent wedding reception. Oh, really? Scratched my head over that one. Well, really? Yeah.

I have a hard time getting behind anybody who is so dumb as to marry Tommymmy lee more than once three or four times so she like i if she if if you have a really stupid celebrity like throw their weight behind your cause i'm i can completely discount that cause they get the worst celebrities to join up with them well they're who else pamela anderson was the that was the worst celebrities to join up with them. Who else? Pamela Anderson, that was the worst. Oh, just, there's so many people who have done ads for PETA and yet walk around with a leather purse. Yeah, they're the ones that

would do the, I'd rather be naked. Or like Jenna Jameson, yeah, just did that. Right. Oh, gross. I don't like Jenna Jameson. Jenna Jameson was naked? Jenna Jameson went naked for PETA? Crazy. That's crazy for her to even say that i'd rather go naked than starve than be unemployed yeah um yeah so yeah i got to see i because those protests do they ever do anything aside from give people like you and I grist to make fun of them with?

Do they ever? I need a good amount of grist. Well, because there was like, I went to a thing that was a political fundraiser. It was like one of Charlie's, somebody Charlie was connected to. And they did like a little mini play. I think you talked about this last week. Not last week. A hundred weeks ago.

But that was the funniest in terms of like... Right. We get it. Like the guy's wearing a sign that says politician. Yeah. I love money. But what about our parks? I don't care about parks.

I'm smoking a fat cigar the pig nose and cigar classic awesome all right uh shall we move on to the overheards yeah absolutely overheard overheard overheard but first brought to you by flavoravor Flav's new show that you guys were describing and what the fuck it was yeah Flavor Flav had a show in Vancouver it's a sitcom? a sitcom and the uh

it's shot in Vancouver it doesn't take place in Vancouver that would be odd he plays a guy who just got out of prison and moves in with his brother. Does he still wear the clocks? I don't know. That would be good.

He actually sings Clocks by Coldplay. He moves in with his brother who's like a rich guy and has a white wife and their children are mulatto. I know that because I interviewed to be a writer's assistant on the show. A writer's assistant? Yeah. What is that? Get them coffee and stuff? Get them coffee and stuff, but also do the actual changes on the script

when they come up with the changes that they need. I didn't get that, but in the interview they asked me if I knew what mulatto was. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Is that even the correct term? It's certainly not politically correct. Yeah.

It's the old-timey term for... Biracial. But I met the two writers of the show, one of whom wrote the Martin Lawrence movie where he's a knight. Black knight? Maybe black knight. Oh, it's Guy McPherson's friend.

Oh, really? No. Yeah. Black guy? He lives up's Guy McPherson's friend. Oh, really? No. Yeah. Black guy? He lives up here. He's Canadian. And he wrote that movie. The one about Martin Lawrence being a knight. Alright.

Ask Guy McPherson. Which Martin Lawrence knight movie? There's not more than one. April Fool's. Dave, you need to finish the premise, though. You're really selling the show. Give me more. Well, he has to get a job.

And he... This is the Flavor Flake. I only read the pilot. Oh, see, I auditioned for the show as Frumpy Housewife. I didn't get it because I'm too beautiful and sexy. They just didn't buy me. He goes into a lingerie store and he happens to be in a wheelchair

and they give him a job based on the fact that they think he's disabled. So he has to keep up this ruse of being disabled while working in a lingerie store. How will Flava Flav ever convince anybody that he's disabled? It's the craziest premise ever. And I thought them saying mulatto was politically incorrect. No, that sounded like a heartwarming family drama.

I was like, wait, let me just throw out there. He is pretending to be disabled. Wow. Is this a CW show? I think it's D-. Per chance? I don't know what network it's going to be on. Anyways, watch for it soon.

This episode brought to you by Flavor Flav's new sitcom. What's it called? What is it called? Flavor of Love? No, that's his reality show it's like in the house or

yeah something like that something urban I think isn't that that's Run DMC's house let's go to

some overheards Dave you were bragging it up something steady you said you had so many awesome overheards

I'm only going to give you one why don't be greedy because we've got to record three more shows before you leave town bragging it up something steady. You said you had so many awesome overheard teeth. But I'm only going to give you one. Why? Don't be greedy. Because we've got to record three more shows before you leave town, and it's very rare that I ever get any decent overheard. Oh, yeah, that's true. Okay, so this is your redemption day.

Redempto day. This one isn't even that... It's actually something I saw on TV, so it doesn't count that much. It counts enough. But who's counting uh i am i was watching the american film institute's uh countdown of the 10 best movies in 10 different genres oh wow and uh they do you ever watch the american film institute yeah i watched the hundred the count what was it the hundred best comedies i think yeah they've done 100 best comedies, I think. Yeah, they've done 100 best comedies, 100 best dramas, 100 best movies, completely 100 best.

Best movie lines. Yeah, they did best movie lines. I think they did the 100 best heroes and villains, 100 best scores. Do we really need an institute counting things down? According to Lyndon Johnson and every commercial break, yes, we do. Lyndon Johnson like Lady Bird Johnson? Like Lady Bird Johnson's former husband. Husband.

Well, they're both dead. Yeah. Yeah. Why was Lyndon Johnson being advertised? Well, on all the commercials, they would show he established the American Film Institute. They'd show a speech of that. They also do good work in

preserving old uh prints and boring movies don't they do that probably i don't know that's under their umbrella like uh yeah okay yeah yeah yeah anyways yeah so they did the countdown and uh i think this was in i don't even remember what genre it was. But they always have either people who are in the movies or people who know a lot about movies. Movie stars like Dennis Hopper would be talking about a great performance in certain movies. And then they came to the Audrey Hepburn, Gregory Peck movie, Roman Holiday. Yeah. Classic. And they had Jennifer Loveennifer love hewitt sure after

everyone was talking about great performances and beautiful lighting and stuff jennifer love hewitt said it's just a yummy movie it's yummy to look at these people um jennifer love hewitt she wasn't didn't she play audreyburn in that movie, that TV movie? Oh, maybe. Yeah, that's why. Wow, she is a voice of authority. That's why she was invited at all. It wasn't because of her extensive work.

She hosted part of it. Ghost Whisperer. Yeah, and why was Jessica Alba there then? Because. Two words. Sex sells, Dave. You think AFI is getting to the top of the pops on its own steam? I don't think so.

They should do the top 100 sex movies. Number one, what would you nominate? Oh, I don't know. Number one sex flick. Not outside of the realm, obviously, of por porno but like a movie that was actually in theaters released in theaters number one i don't know well what would put one in it would be in your top three then um the only thing that's coming to mind is this jeff goldblum movie called the the tall guy yeah where they were humping on the piano. Him and Emma Thompson.

Someone British. I know this is a celebrity crush time, but I love him so much. Now, Yummy. Jeff Goldblum? The tall guy was Yummy. It's crazy. Give me your sex movies. It depends on the era, that's for sure.

I didn't get to stall. Yeah, you did. You stalled quite a bit. Not as much as you. Number one sex movie? It would be something... Hmm... Yeah, let's... You know, it's probably something like Basic Instinct, because that was like all sex.

The whole thing... No, you know what? Bound. I never saw that. Jennifer Tilly and... Having sexy sex. you know what bound i never saw that jennifer tilly and uh what's your name jenna gershon having sexy sex sex and it's all like it was very stylized because it was the wachowski brothers oh really so it was like it was like crazy it was mind-blowing it was the matrixy i haven't seen that Did they use any bullet time? Yeah. Oh, that could go really dirty really fast.

But it was all girls, so. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, that was a good sexy sex movie. Sex movie. You? What about you? Top of my head, Short Bus is a great film. Oh, I've never seen it.

John Cameron Mitchell. Suk-hyun Lee. Suk-hyun Lee. I haven't seen it. Have you seen it? Fantastic movie. oh john carmen mitchell uh i haven't seen it have you seen either fantastic movie i heard it's got like a crazy there's like the craziest gay man-on-man sex scene in it yeah which i don't know if i'm i don't know until you're ready for it that's all all right gotta psych myself up to that yeah yeah um i'm gonna i'm gonna try let's write it together if you can psych yourself up

for that movie, and you can deal with the gay sex, then there's a movie called Sweet Movie, which I really enjoy, which is not just sex, but also people forcing themselves to vomit. I can't stand that. No, I know.

It's a hardcore, crazy, I think it's from Czechoslovakia, but it's a great movie. It's just really wild and really visceral and really cool.ceral and really. Huh. Really cool. Yeah. No, I don't like that.

I don't like that. It's pretty extreme. It pushes your boundaries. Extreme sex. It's like street luge sex. X Games. Street luge is my favorite extreme sport. Is it?

Are you guys over here or anything? Alright. I work in a video store, which is why I have an extensive knowledge of dirty movies. And probably have some great overheard. We're hoping. Well,

no pressure. I've gone to the point where I'm so embittered at my job that they really try and keep me away from customers because I have a very sensitive disposition. How long have you worked there? I'm not good at work.

That you're already embittered? Like two years. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah, that's the right amount of time. So lately I've been doing less customer service and more... Customer disservice. Customer disservice. Customer sabotage.

But there's a woman and she comes in and I think she lacks good people to talk to in her life. She's a little maybe lonely. Maybe a little crazy? Mostly lonely. But she'd been coming in for a while she was really

excited uh for prince caspian to come out and she kept coming in very lonely and the yeah the guy i worked with um he kept you know he he's there like pretty much every day and he was she's coming in and so excited and so excited and he's like yeah yeah yeah and then she came in one day after i come out she went i went to see prince caspian and i thought i'd come and tell you and he was like okay here we go and we have a big tv at videomatica where we just show movies or whatnot and sam the guy yeah now people can visit you i like like that. Oh, God, no. That's the worst thing. They don't leave. Sam was watching Tom Goes to the Mayor, which is an adult swim show,

and it's got really kind of flashy animation. Yeah, very funny show. Very funny show, and he watches it all the time, and he had it on the TV, and she's like, Prince Caspian was so great, and then she stopped.

And she kind of, her eyes drifted over to the TV. She went, I'm sorry, my epilepsy is just really bad today. I'm sorry, my epilepsy is just really bad today. Oh, wow. That explained a lot. I remember there were these epilepsy commercials on TV and it was

there were a couple of them, but they all involved kids. And one was these kids in a classroom and the teacher called on this one kid and asked him a question. I remember that. And the kid just stared into space and the teacher started getting mad at them. And this other kid went to the teacher and said hey she's having a seizure like you dumb ass teacher and it was just this tone of voice like what the fuck is wrong with

you she's having a seizure she's not just not paying attention to you like the rest of the class. Wow. And the other one was a kid having a seizure on the ground. Don't let them swallow their tongue. Another kid, say... Put a cookie in his mouth or something like that. It was like a Smarties package. Put this between his teeth. It was not the box, but the tube. Yeah.

What if he chewed right through that and then choked on some Smarties? But someone was a responsible kid and said, no, don't. Just let him have his seizure. I remember. Have you ever seen somebody have a seizure like that? I don't know. It's nuts. And I've seen it like three or four times.

Oh, wow. And one time, I didn't even realize that it was happening because it was in a cafeteria and i thought it was just somebody shuffling chairs around a lot but it actually like somebody like two feet behind me was on the floor having a seizure and i ate a whole sandwich and didn't realize like there was a crowded form behind me and everything and i was just i just chalked it up to cafeteria noise. What kind of sandwich was it? Oh, it was roast beef. Delicious.

Yeah. Hard to beat. Was it a dip? No. It's been too long since I've had a dip sandwich. Way too long. I've got it overheard. From the weekend.

Are there any vegetarian dip sandwiches? No. I mean, I don't know. I have soup. Yeah. I dip shit in that. Miso gravy. Dip shit? Is that the right phrase? Where'd that come from?

Can we just figure that out? Yeah. What are you going to dip shit in there? Give me your overheard, genius. All right. This is the thing. It's not so much what I overheard. It's where it happened that made it hilarious. I was in Queen Elizabeth Park with my parents. Not so much what I overheard, it's where it happened that made it hilarious.

I was in Queen Elizabeth Park with my parents. And as you may or may not know, they have like kind of like a frisbee golf or froth set up with the little chains. And there was a guy there with who I can only assume was a girlfriend and daughter or a girlfriend and her daughter. But there was that dynamic. And he was throwing a frisbee and it didn't go where he sliced it basically and uh then he freaked out and he was like it's because those fucking guys are standing there i can't fucking focus on my shot and then

she she is like it's okay It's just this one hole. Everything will be fine after this. And I'm sure she must have to say that like every day over something. Because if you get that wrapped up about Frolf, then everything else in your life is going to be fucking up. Oh, wow. That's so aggravating. You took your parents to Queen Elizabeth Park. Yeah. You went to a street fair, you said. Yeah. took your parents to queen elizabeth park yeah did you also you

went to a street fair you said yeah with your parents yeah okay um i chose to go i forgot to say this earlier i chose to go to the commercial drive one uh there were like six across town um yeah i went to the main street one and the i read in the paper what was going to be at each one and the reason i went to the commercial drive is because they said there was going to be Mexican wrestlers. Which there were? And a giant mechanical spider. That's the thing that I told you about. Remember, like, weeks and weeks ago, I went to that thing where I was on a panel.

And I went to the party afterwards. And it was all the marriage and stuff. That was the big draw. It was called Mondo Spider. And it's like a big mechanical spider that a guy drives around. It's like a car with legs. You never told me about that. I did too.

Prove it. You listen to the podcast. There's no spider mention. There is. That's all the proof you're going to fucking need. You son of a bitch. But, yeah. It's just this one segment neither mexican wrestlers or a mechanical spider were there and i was sad the mechanical spider

looks the best at night because it's got all this orange glow tubing on it and you can't see anything but that and so it looks then it looks like a spider in the day it just looks like a clunky piece of metal but at night it looks like scary town mexican wrestlers on the other hand always look 24 hours a day yeah los bonjovis so what did you overhear i already did it oh. Oh. It was Jennifer Love Hewitt. You're stirring the pot. Oh, no, that was AFI. Okay, yeah. Oh, our AFI segment.

Well, I thought it had to do with the mechanical spider. Oh, no, no, no. I thought you were going somewhere with that. I just wanted to bring up something I forgot. Like someone said, ooh, look at that spider. Someone said, there's no spider or Mexican wrestlers. There were people getting their hair cut. Ew.

Yeah. Every store that has an indoors had an outdoors, including a hair salon. Weird. And they were not sweeping up very often. No, but it was probably landing in somebody's kebab. That's my prediction. Do you want to move on to something else?

Yeah. All right. So you want to do Celebrity Crush Hat? Sure. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crushin'? Sure. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush in the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat. Go fuck yourself.

Celebrity Crush Hat. Chapeau Chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush Hat. So Lauren. It's Lauren, right? She's pulling a number. Is that a ketchup packet?

It's a ketchup packet. Take that out of the hat packet take that out of the hat take that out of the hat I didn't put that in no one's blaming you no but you kind of looked at me like you thought it was me 12 I think we've done 12

I remember I did Kathy Ireland you should take them out 15 okay yeah 15 alright and we're back You should take them out later. 15. Okay. Okay. Have we done 15? Yeah, 15. Sure. Let's do 15.

All right. And we're back. Celebrity crush hat. Yeah, okay. Age 15. Age 15. That places us in 1995 for Graham. Yeah.

1996-ish for me. 1999. For you. You're a young pup. Not that young. Pretty young, though. Yeah. On a scale of youth. For you. You're a young pup. Not that young. Pretty young, though. Yeah. On a scale of youth.

Super young. Yeah. If you guys want to see a young girl, go to Videomatica. Yeah. Ow! If you want to check out a young fox on the go, or I guess not on the go, on the sitting still and being bored. On the sitting and not helping.

Right. Trying to avoid eye contact. 1999. 15 years. I had a little crush on Justin Timberlake. Oh. So that would have been in sync days. Well, duh.

In sync with the curly hair. With the... With the afro yeah like bye bye bye but honestly though doesn't everybody have kind of a crush on Justin Timberlake what's the video where he was driving

in a convertible really fast I don't think that was him it was the bye bye bye video but it was Chris and Lance were in the car oh going to make out points. What was the one where he beatboxed? Oh, Pop.

Dirty Pop. That came out a few years later. Is that beatboxing? Beatboxing. My old roommate Dave used to always quote that the video

where they would stop singing and start dancing by going I'm tired of singing. Best wishes. I have another crush too. Justin was a little obvious.

The long nose. When I was 15 there was like a dollar cinema near my house or like a two dollar movie like repertoire is that what they call them? I think that's different I think that's a different thing altogether

can we cut that out? it was the two dollar theater we're cutting that out so if a good movie came I'd just see it over and over and um or if a non good movie came such as The Mummy and I loved The Mummy

I just partly because I had a crush on not Brendan Fraser the sidekick John Hanna he's a British actor he is yum, yum. The Weasley guy? Yummy.

He was Weasley. No, he wasn't Weasley. He was her brother, and he was like the comic relief. He was also in Sliding Doors, which was a movie with Paul Trow. You guys are such dudes. You guys are such dudes. Oh, I know it. I just haven't seen it.

But he's like, in Sliding Doors, it's like her life goes in two paths. And one is like, she's dating this jerk off. Oh, my mom like her life goes in two paths and one is like she's dating this jerk off and the other one is John Hanna he's the good one he's so I'd make out with him

what's he doing now? he's in the new Mummy the Third movie oh okay which doesn't look so good Rachel Wise didn't sign up I think that's that was Rachel Wise

she's moved on to bigger and better things. That was a vice decision. She is a handsome lady. She's beautiful. I liked her in Enemy at the Gates. Very talented. Is she?

I can't tell. I do just look at her eyes and her hair and her lips. Graham, you have a couple you said? Yeah. Don't steal any of mine. I got three, I have a couple you said? Yeah. One of them. Don't steal any of mine. I got three, I think.

You go first, then. Do you want me to do all three? No, whatever you want. We can go back and forth. The first one is a weird one because I lived in Ireland for a summer and I was... One of the cores. No.

What? Oh, the cores. No. What? Oh, the cores. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant something else completely. Anyways, I thought you meant the Irish tenors. Those are dudes. No, but I stayed in my cousin's room. He was out of town, so I stayed in his room,

and he had a poster on his wall for The Net. So every night I fell asleep looking at Sandra Bullock's face. So I think, just by osmosis, I think I had a crush on Sandra Bullock for that summer, possibly. Wow, look at the worst posters over there. It was the worst poster ever. It was for the worst idea for a movie. It's like when they have a teenager's room in a TV show or a movie, and they always take properties that are owned by the same corporation.

My cousin's room was owned by Paramount. Yeah. All right. Well, I will take the... To block. All right, well, I will take the... To block. A woman, girl, who played the daughter on Sybil Shepard's television show, Sybil, Alicia Witt. Alicia Witt, Urban Legends.

Was she in Urban Legends? Yeah. I didn't really follow her career. I can't even picture her. And Mr. Holland's Opus. She was also in a couple episodes of The Sopranos. She's a red-headed lass. She was super cute.

She was the Hollywood producer in The Sopranos. That's right. She was bad. She was banging Michael Imperioli. Yeah. Banging. Good choice, Dave. Thank you.

I had a very sophisticated palate. What about Sybil Shepard? No thank you. Maybe Christine Baranski. But not really. He likes the sass mouth. On the topic of redheads in that era,

Shirley Manson, lead singer of Garbage. When they first came out, she was a dish and a half. You were in Ireland for a long time. Oh wait, she's Scottish. But still, she was yummy. I remember thinking she was

a very hot ticket back then. I don't know what she looks like now. I have no idea. Oh my god! Remember a couple podcasts ago when I was saying how I had a crush on Nikki Cox? Yeah. You know, purely because she was with Bobcat Goeth.

Have you seen photos of her now? Oh, they're on the blog. You haven't seen them yet. No, that is terrible. Yeah. I didn't realize. Yeah, she's turned into a duck face. Yeah.

That is the most awful thing I've ever seen. I couldn't even believe it. What happened? How does that happen to a face face. Yeah. It is, that's the most awful thing I've ever, I couldn't even believe it was, what happened? How does that happen to a face? Uh, surgery.

Too much. And injection. Oh, the poor thing. The needle and the damage done. Oh, poor gal. Cause she was cute.

Fucking bobcat. Yeah. Ruined her youth. Destroyed her. She probably got, uh, uh, plastic surgery to win him back. Yeah. That'd be awesome if heed her. She probably got plastic surgery

to win him back. Yeah. That'd be awesome if he dumped her. I'm hitting the road. You're losing your looks. Any more? Do you have any more?

No. One more. It was that same, I think it was that same year was uh selma hayek first busted out on the scene oh in desperado still to date i don't think she's uh out sex that movie that was top of sexiness has she been sexier in any other movie since i don't know i i don't uh and fr, she had that nice eyebrow. And a hint of a mustache.

That actually... When did Dusk Till Dawn come out? Oh, because she was the... She was the vampire in that. She was a stripper, too, yeah. Yeah, because 99, that was maybe... I had a little... I had a period where I had a massive crush on Quentin Tarantino, too. Before he got really bloated,

in Dusk Till Dawn, he's pretty handsome looking. He's kind of an odd duck, but... I wish he did more acting. No, I don't think you do. No, I don't. That's a lie. He's always so... What's he been in?

He was in... He's in all his movies. He's in all his movies. He was never in Reservoir Dogs. Yes, he was. Oh, what? Oh, yeah, that's right. He's Mr. Brown. That's never in Reservoir Dogs Yes he was Oh yeah that's right He's Mr. Brown Mr. Brown you mean Mr. Shit

He's not in Kill Bill He's great in Four Rooms He was the only thing Sounds terrible And Robert Rodriguez I hate both those directors So you didn't see Grindhouse I did and I hated them both Yeah So you didn't see Grindhouse. I did, and I hated them both.

Yeah, then you wouldn't like Four Rooms. Yeah. But was he in Cadillac Man or something? Never mind. Oh, Destiny Turns on the Radio. Yes! What was I? Why is that the same thing?

Because on the cover of the box, there is a Cadillac and an old-timey and a man is there a man huh is there a man uh is there a cadillac and a man was i doing some kind of rebus no i some sort of rhombus um i don't know but i know that that's what you're thinking right you're right yeah but it was either lead he's yeah he's one of the leads. Wow. Destiny turns on the radio. You're going to make it, QT. What a QT. Just ask my 15-year-old self. Boo. All right. All right.

What are we going to do? Why don't we do stunt casting? Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt. Stunt casting.

Powder. Danny DeVito. Taxi Cab the Movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short. Anyone in the movie pure luck. Stunt casting. Okay, so

stunt casting. We've decided we're going to go with Full House. Oh, and by the way, thank you Connor Haller for that awesome theme song. God bless your head. Full House, the movie. Or the new next generation. Or whatever.

In the casting, we don't next generation, or whatever. And in the casting, we don't know a lot of child actresses, so we're going to leave it open. I know some. Yeah. I know enough. But just barely. If we can go, put Raven-Symoné in it somehow. Yes! Alright, well,

who are the characters? Let's make a list. Alright, well, there's Danny Tanner. There's Danny Tanner. There's Danny Tanner. We got Danny. We got Joey. We got Jesse. Uncle Jesse. Uncle Jesse. Uncle Joey. Aunt Becky.

Aunt Becky. DJ. Stephanie. Michelle. And Kimmy Gibbler. Kimmy Gibbler. And then those were the real primary. That was the core. Because DJ had a boyfriend. Who cares about Steve? Yeah.

Steve was the Scott Weiner. He was the voice of Aladdin. Why were they even together as a strange match? I disagree. I think they were very good together. They were a really nice couple. Yeah. It was kind of nice because it was... It was like Stephanie Tanner and meth.

Like they just went together. They just went together. Should we cast Flava Flav as Stephanie Tanner, but methed out? Methed out. Or, you know what? You know what? You know what? Can I suggest a Stephanie Tanner?

Yeah. Tatum O'Neil. Tatum O'Neil in a time machine, or present day cracked out Tatum O'Neil? Present day cracked out Tatum O'Neil. I like it. Working for the dollars. All right, let's go from the ground up, from the youngest. Okay, so we've already got Stephanie.

Let's go back and do Michelle. Michelle, so we want to cash in on, we need, like, we want her to be the cute, sassy kid, right? Who's always, is there anybody on TV right now that's doing cute and sassy? Boy or girl? We could change it to Michael. Like that. Michael. I like the twins from John and Kate plus eight.

And they would bring a little... How old are these twins? They're like six. Oh, that's perfect. Okay. That's one of her ages. You would be taking reality show TV? Are they girls?

I don't know John and Kate plus eight. Oh, it's so cute. They had twins and then they had sex tuplets. They have eight kids. It's a nightmare. That's my dream come true. I don't know john and kate let's say it's oh it's so cute it's they had twins and then they had sex tuplets they've eight kids it's it's a nightmare that's my dream come true i don't know if you guys know that really i love multiples i did my grade four science project on multiples you want to have six children really you want to have eight kids that's the when i watch that show for ladies they think it's fantastical for For guys, it seems like a fucking nightmare. Because it's eight kids.

It's all your dreams. And you have to be on a TV show at the same time. I think they had to be on the TV show or they couldn't pay their bills. Yeah, probably. It's like that episode of The Simpsons where they put the kids in the zoo. It's that same. All right, so we got our Michelle. We got our Stephanie Michelle we got our Stephanie

we got our Stephanie DJ who can play her pathos her pathos DJ was you know she missed her mom sometimes and Becky wasn't always enough

maybe it's someone she was Kirk Cameron's sister yes and she is now married to hockey player Valerie Bure that That's right. So maybe someone who's either a sister of a celebrity

or... Fucking Hilary Duff's sister. Hayley Duff. Nice. Yeah. Hayley Duff. Not quite pretty. Yeah, just like Candice. Just like DJ. Okay, so we got the girls.

Awesome, that was easy. Now what about Kimmy Gibbler? Oh, see that's, she's, Kimmy. Raven? Raven. Yeah, Raven Simone? Yeah, she's got the wackiness factor to pull off a Kimmy Gibbler. And she's got good chemistry with Stamos.

I think I called her Kimmy Giggler, but it is a Kimmy Gibbler. It is Gibbler. Gibbler. All right. I have Uncle Joey. Oh, no, no. Becky. Okay, Becky. Aunt Becky. I see her as, what do you call that lady

that used to be on news radio and then she's already here. More Tierney? Would she not be the perfect Aunt Becky? She would be a great Aunt Becky. Or is she too tired at this point? She's maybe a bit Yeah. Would she not be the perfect Aunt Becky? She would be a great Aunt Becky. Or is she too tired at this point? She's maybe a bit tired.

Could she do Wake Up San Francisco? Yeah, Wake Up San Francisco? Yeah, you're right. She needs... Yeah, we need somebody with some... Could she keep up with a rocker? How about that? Yeah, yeah.

She's got some... No. Is that a little on the nose? Aunt Becky was really pretty. Aunt Becky was really scary. Aunt Becky was pretty? No. She's really scary. Okay nose? Aunt Becky was really pretty. Kelly Rip was really scary. Kelly Rip was pretty? No. She's really scary.

Okay, well, who do you say? When you said... When you said Kelly Rip, I thought you meant Kelly Clarkson. No, no, no. I thought that would be okay. Kelly Clarkson? Or maybe not. I'm down with it.

Yeah, fine. Yeah, sounds good to me. Tatum O'Neal is really out of place. I don't care. She's the oldest kid. She's the middle child. She has middle child syndrome. She's troubled.

Is the middle child syndrome the one that makes you look 60? If you recall, we did cast a Ninja Turtle in one of these. You must always remember that. Okay, let's move on to the uncles and the dad. All right, Uncle Jesse. He was like, I'm tempted right off the bat. Who would you say? I want to say Stamos.

He hasn't aged a day. It's true, he hasn't. Why don't we just get the cast of ER? And move them over? Tierney, Stamos. Why don't we get Goran Viznik? Do you think maybe in our celebrity stunt casting we just leave the stamos character

as stamos like he's just so all i think there's a lot of stamos is in hollywood i think there's one guy that could out stamos stamos and that's lamas lamas can out stamos the stamos uh i have no problem with lamas all right lorenzo? You down with that? Lorenzo Lamas? What about... I'm going to save Uncle Joey till last. That's a difficult one to climb, I think. There's a lot of possibilities. Danny?

Danny Tanner. We need a beanpole with a mullet. We need a tall, skinny guy. Nothing popping into... Jeff Goldblum., skinny guy. Nothing popping into... Jeff Goldblum. The tall guy. That could work. Does he work blue?

He'd be less annoying. He'd be more, I think, neurotic. I think we need somebody more annoying. I think it'd be an interesting choice. That is an interesting choice. Go younger. Gary Goldman. I think it would be an interesting choice. That is an interesting choice. Absolutely. Go younger. Younger.

Gary Goldman. Goldman? Goldman. Ryan Reynolds. Sort of this side of gay. He's a little muscular. Yeah. We need somebody

that's got like very little appeal. Sexually. To anybody. Tom Bergeron, the new host of America's Funniest Videos? Yes!

He's perfect! Is that the guy from Ed? No. Oh, Tom Cavanaugh! That might be good. Tom Cavanaugh. From Love Monkey. Well done. So that's our Danny Tanner. And then Joey, though. Joey, this is important. He should get a stand-up comedian. He was supposed to be a stand-up comedian. And he's gotta be able

to do the voices. Can't fake that. That get a stand-up comedian. Yeah. He was supposed to be stand-up. And he's got to be able to do the voices. Yep. Can't fake that. It's a tough, that's a tough role to fill. Not many comics do voices. Not enough. Daryl Hammond, but he's, you know. He's a little old.

Yeah, he's not quite Uncle Joey. We need somebody that's like, you know, fairly reviled. Okay, go through it. It's a complicated role because he's lovable but non-threatening to children. He does have that pedo aspect. How about Louis Anderson? No! I did not have the pedo aspect.

What did she just say? No! Oh, geez. Oh, man. Go through your little black book. I'm working on it. I cannot. The only thing that came to mind, not a stand-up comedian and not anyone who knows voices. It could be somebody who could play a stand-up comedian. I was thinking Spencer from the Hills.

He's very toe-headed. Oh, my God. He's goofy. I don't know who that is. I'm not married to it. To me, that's the pivotal bit of casting. You fuck that up, the whole project's gonna fall apart the kingpin um close pin um okay because yeah okay he's got to be a guy he's got to have the how about would uh because i always thought that joey's character

always reminded me of Jay Leno. But he's too old. You're right. He's too old to pull off. Who is the new Jay Leno? Who's the guy who does... Who's the ventriloquist for the old man and the jalapeno on a stick? Oh, I don't know his name, but that's... Yes, I would agree with that bit of casting

i don't know who who he is but he's an actual he does voices he does voices and he's a comic sort of yes yeah which would fall within the loose premise of joey gladstone but is that is that the guy man i don't think we're sold on it no it needs it needs to be a guy that's... Who's that guy that does... You've seen him on Just for Laughs and he does all the impressions. He does one of Seinfeld and he does one of Kramer. And he has a big yellow jacket. Louis Anderson.

How big a yellow jacket was it? Wow, this is tough. This is... This is probably why they haven't done it yet. Because there is no modern-day Dave Coulier. Yeah. It's tough. It is tough.

I can't... Anything? Is anything popping up in... You're having trouble with it, too? No. Wow. Wow. We have hit the wall.

He's got to be kind of tubby, right? But not like all the way fat. He's got to love the Detroit Red Wings. Yeah. And the Three Stooges. Is this our way of saying that Dave Coulier was one of a kind? There's no way we can come up with somebody to play his role. Let's get my uncle who does voices.

Yeah. Yeah. I wish he was here so you could meet him. Cut it out. Cut it out. All right. Well, I'm satisfied with nothing.

With the jalapeno guy? No. No. Maybe Coulier could play Coulier. Coulier's, I think, the only... What's he doing these days? Nothing. He's starring in our remake.

Yeah. I think he's the one guy that can't be replaced. What about if Joey was played by Elton John? in our remake. Yeah. I think he's the one guy that can't be replaced. What about if Joey was played by Elton John? It would be a whole new show.

It would be a whole new... I like to cast outside the box. What if Joey was played by a computer animated gorilla? Dave's eyes got really big

he could be like yeah he could be an animated character a Roger Rabbit I like a Roger Rabbit a Wayne Gretzky from Pro Stars

yes can we do that yeah alright alright Wayne Gretzky from Pro Stars Wayne Gretzky from Pro Stars cast

and then when they had their like special episodes like when the Beach Boys showed up, we could have Bo Jackson show up. Nice. The other Pro Stars. It was Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan. And Michael Jordan.

Who would play the Beach Boys? The Ventures. And so forth. I think this has been a pretty successful venture, shows-wise. Are you going to Photoshop these people into a cast picture? Yes, you betcha. Nice! Can't wait.

Do you have anything coming up that you want to plug? You already plugged kind of. Sure. Yeah, Morgan, Brain, and Friends is going to be at the Biltmore the last week of July. Awesome. It's the 29th 30th and 31st oh three nights fantastic that's gonna be good i got those dates right uh will this be up by then this will be up i hope so i think so um i'm also doing a show at Spectral Theater, which is on Powell Street, just off of Main. It's right by Hoko's, if anyone knows where Hoko's is. Hoko Sushi.

Yeah. Yeah. If I was more prepared, I'd have addresses and dates. It's all right. But I'm doing a show at Spectral Theater. It's called Your Own Personal B-Movie. And each night, we're going to do a different show based on a b-movie title suggested by the audience such as attack of the carpet people we would do a show for you based on

that or uh return to castle full house we do like that and that's going to run uh thursday friday and saturday at 10 p.m. Cool. For all of July. Oh, for all of July. Look at you. Except for the last weekend. Because then you got more great new friends. Then I'm busy being proud.

Good Lord. Terrific. Good Lord. Look at you. Yeah. On fire. Check that out. It'll be good.

Why not? Thanks for coming out. Thanks for having me. We made it. I had a lot of fun. Dave, we don't have anything to plug, do you? No. Not this far in advance.

Whatevs. If you're in the British Isles right now, why don't you say hello to Graham? Hi, everybody. Hello. Top of the morning, Graham. I don't know what kind of accent that was. That's not a knife. Scary accent.

what kind of accent that was. That's not a knife. Scary accent. And yeah, so thanks a lot everybody for listening and come on back. We've got a couple more of these bad boys coming out. These podcasts. Oh, we got another 1100 and some odd.

Too many to even count. Impossible to count. Calculators can't handle it. But thanks for listening and you can email us or check out our blog. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. And the blog is stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. Thanks, Dave. And thanks for listening, everybody.

My name is Graham Clark. Everybody, stop podcasting yourself. I love myself.