Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 214 - Ivan Decker

Episode Date: April 23, 2012

Comedian Ivan Decker returns to talk about helicopters, stitches, and denim hats. Also, guess who drunk dialed us.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 214 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who has eight simple rules for dating his daughter, Mr. Dave Shumka. Was Megan Fox the daughter in that show? Or was the girl from Big Bang Theory? Big Bang Theory. Megan Fox was on Hope and Faith or something?

She was in Transformers. Oh, that's right. She played Autotron. I don't know any of the characters' names. Do you not? You know, what's his name? Beetlebug. Beetlebug. Autotron.

Defectocon. He's the one who falls apart every time we transform. Automatic door locks. Standard airbags. Drive time radio. Serious XM radio. And our guest today, returning guest, one of our all-time favorites, very funny man, has been working all over town.

He's got his own comedy special. And what else? What else would you say in an intro of you? Probably something before the show. Yeah. But anyways, he's funny and he's great, and we're super glad to have him. Mr. Ivan Decker is here.

Thank you guys for having me. I am ecstatic to be back. We're the ecstatic ones. You brought cupcakes? Dora the Explorer cupcakes? Yep. With Boots the monkey. Yeah. Because he had boots on. Oh, is that why? I was wondering.

Because usually a lot of that stuff on the show is very on the nose. There's not a lot of backstory for Boots. Like, did he have the boots first? And then they called him Boots? Or was he like, your name's Boots, but you don't have any boots. And then they gave him Boots. Oh, right. That makes sense. Like he was born, his birth name was Boots. he was left on in a basket and it just said boots what's the one item of clothing you wear every day that could generate a nickname because

i switch it up underwear yeah bandana i wear a bandana every day yeah that's true ivan decker's a second only to hulk hogan in bandana bandana wear. In bandanage. My nickname would be outfits. Outfits. Yeah. Dave's outfits. Ivan, you're... Bandanoid. Yeah. And I'm socks. Socks. Hey guys. Hey bandanoid in socks. Should we get

to know us? You got it outfit. Get to know us. Bandanage. That's the one with Glenn Close. Damage. Bandanage. That's the one with Glenn Close. Damage. 101 Bandanas? Damages. She's in Damages.

Jeremy Irons was in Damage, the movie. Oh, right. Who is in the Borgias? Jeremy Irons as well. He also played Mustafa. Victor Borgia. Really? Did he play Mustafa?

Musaka Mustafa Lion King yeah he was evil Scar yeah yeah Mustafa was the dad

I never saw Lion King I'm a grown up it's like a game for children it's the same story now Ivan yes you've been a guest

on our show many times before your your comic that recently in the Georgia Strait was... What was the exact quote? The Georgia Strait is the weekly free arts magazine. Arts?

Yeah. Arts and culture. City magazine. Sure. I forget what the exact... It was something like a star in the making. Yeah. Are you going to be a star?

It was nice. It was very nice. Yeah. It was for the Vancouver Comedy Festival, which was very fun. Yeah. There was a weird thing that happened to me with David Cross afterwards at one of the parties where I was leaving. Like, I stayed, because I get really nervous in those situations.

Yes. Because he's like David Cross. Yeah, well, I was in this hotel room and there was, like, nobody there. It was, like, a very small room where the party was happening. And then, like, nobody was there yet it was just like the the head of the comedy festival and then uh and then david cross showed up with uh bob odenkirk and uh they did some skits they were but they all walked in and like a few famous people and then i was like oh i'm even more uncomfortable yeah and the person i was there with left and then i was like well i'm just gonna go

too so then i got up and I was leaving. I hadn't talked to anybody. They came in and they were all joking around. Nick Thune was there and Chelsea Peretti as well. And I put on my jacket, and then I go to leave. And then as I'm walking out, I go past David Cross, and he's like, hey, are you leaving? And then I was like, yeah. And then he just picks up this hummus off the free food table.

He goes, here you go. And just hands me this hummus off the, like, free food table. He goes, here you go. And just hands me some hummus. And then it was, like, even more awkward because I was like, no, I can't take. Just take that. Okay, I'll take it. Like, I put it down, but then I, like, sort of left. And then I came back and was like, I am going to take this. I don't want all of it, so you just take a handful.

Put it in your pocket. That would have been a great. Yeah, that would have been. I was leaving town the next day, so I didn't want all of it, so you just take a handful. Put it in your pocket. That would have been a great... Yeah, that would have been... But I was leaving town the next day, so I didn't even eat it. It's still in my fridge. That'd be worth ruining a jacket for, though. Because then he would be telling the story about, and I handed this kid this thing, and he just took a handful,

put it in his pocket, and he walked out. Why? Where were you guys? I don't know. We weren't invited. We were clearly not invited to this party. I would way rather have spent time with you. Well, we wouldn't have had... I'll tell you this. We wouldn't have given you any hummus.

Yeah, and we wouldn't have talked to you either. Oh, okay. Well, that sounds like it would be the same. So, what's going on? You're a star on the rise. You're a man who spends some time working at a science world. You were telling us that there was a dinosaur exhibit that is now extinct. Yes.

They left. We got them out of there. It was great. I actually had a weird experience recently where I got to trade stand-up comedy for something. It's not often I get to barter my skill for anything, but I got to go and do helicopter snowboarding. I got to do a day of like, it's like extremely rich people do this. Like the guy who invented

Lego's kid was there also. Just to give you an idea of the type of people that go to this place. Sure. Was his kid made out of Lego? Was it one of those Edward Tiller hands? It kept falling off Into his suit It was very comical

The Mega Bloks air Need not apply No He was He was not allowed He's at the type of Hellish gang resort Where everyone dies

Low budge But this place was like Super complex They had like It was like It's in this town Called Blue River Which is like

Above It's like north of Kamloops In British Columbia In British Columbia Yes And it's like A really called Blue River which is like north of Kamloops. In British Columbia. In British Columbia, yes. And it's like a really tiny, like you would expect, like it's a crappy little one horse truck stop Greyhound One horse, one helicopter. But then you drive like a little ways into town. Don't try to talk

to the pilot. The pilot's a horse. Is he talking or do you smell peanut butter? How's he staring with those hoop hands? No one knows. But it's crazy because it's this huge resort and it's mostly Germans. And then I had to perform for them.

But they were basically like, if you do a show for us, we'll give you a free day. So I got to stay there. I got to go helicopter snowboardingboarding which is cool but i was the only snowboarder everybody else was skiing germans yeah i realized this uh you were the young punk they were like we're gonna shut down this hill now that there's a snowboarder on it exactly uh but it was weird because like they uh like i'm not good enough to do it i thought i was because i was like i've been snowboarding for a long time, but I'd only been like once last season.

Sure. And then they were like, they're like, how good are you? And I was like, I'm fine. No problem. Seven or eight.

Yeah. On a, on the whole, you know, scale of everybody who's ever done it. Yeah. So I get out of the helicopter and like, sure enough,

I keep falling in the, and they're really like, they give us a whole training cause it's dangerous.'s really dangerous because there's like avalanches and stuff and they give you a big training but they don't they give you a transceiver that you wear and they teach you how to like switch your transceiver over to find other people's transceivers but they were really like nonchalant about like you know like when the avalanche happens you just said when did you know that you just said when the avalanche happened well we find that helicopters really trigger them yeah every day at four o'clock

there's one avalanche we set them off with explosives yeah exactly just so it's like an action movie coincides with our four o'clock cannon yeah we don't know why the avalanche keeps happening at the same time sylvesterester Stallone will be there, hanging from a cliff. Yep. With a gun that they made up for that movie. It's not real. Oh, really? That gun that they have that shoots the bolts into the rock?

Right. That's not a thing. That seems like it should be a thing. You can't do that, though, because it would crack the rock in order to put a hold like if you have like a bolted root on a climbing mountain you have to like drill it out and then like wait a day and then insert a steel rod and like glue that and like while you're climbing there's ones that you like cram into a crack but there's no gun that shoots because he was like a gun's better a gun's better a gun would be better than the slow way you're talking about break out of ice and shoot it through the security guard from deep space nine i don't know the actor's name

spoiler alert yeah i haven't seen this movie at all really or deep space nine um my references are totally lost there's a scene in it now i'm just gonna try and refresh my memory of cliffhanger there's a scene in it where it's got so, the stars of it are Sylvester Stallone, evil John Lithgow, woman with short hair from Northern Exposure, who was famous for two years. Yep.

Oh, maybe it's not the same guy that played the security guard on Space Nine. In any case... He had sort of short hair. He looked like a woman from Northern Exposure. He has a really raspy voice. That's all I remember about him. He was like, ah! There's a scene in it. What was the problem at Deep Space Nine's space station?

That they needed a security guard. They had the one security guard who could shape shift. He was like, really weird. But like security, like, sort of just like, mining the premises. Like somebody making sure that nobody's shoplifting. Yeah. Keeping kids from loitering.

Because it's like a mall. Deep Space Nine. Is it? Yeah. It was a really bad Star Trek because it was like a soap opera. It was just like everybody was working in different stores. I don't think that it was like a mall. I don't think that's what it was.

All right. I was like seven, but I heard it was not good. Working in stores. It was like, hey, welcome to the Deep Space Nine International Commerce Station. Can I get you a Space Julius? Yes, that was one of the episodes. The Space Julius machine wasn't working.

They had to call in the shape-shifting security guard. Who turned into an orange. He was the only one who could put his hand in it and not lose it yeah yeah well it's just turned on i'm satisfied see it's pretty good maybe that's why they canceled it because there weren't enough julius episodes what uh who was the captain on deep space nine was uh was it seven of nine no no that was voyager that was voyager captain chainway that was that was also voyager oh um deep spaceager. Captain Chainway? That was also Voyager. Oh.

Deep Space Nine wasn't... I don't know. Was it a black guy? Captain Black Guy? Okay. But it was a space station, so I don't know if it had a... Because it's not going anywhere. Captain Andrew Blackson.

Yeah. Who's the captain of this mall? Yeah. Exactly. There was no captain of the space mall. Is that the one that had the really... Space mall. What's the one that...

It's like SkyMall. What was the really dramatic theme song? Enterprise. Okay, yeah. Or was it... Are you thinking of TNG? I'm talking space in the heart.

Standing tall on the space of my dreams. Would you like a Space Julius? Pina Colada is sold out. Every time I go

to Orange Julius, they never have Pina Colada. Just for the record. When was the last time you went to orange julius they never have pina colada just for the record when was the last time you went to an orange julia a long time ago but i remember there was a string of like four or five times that i went to different orange juliuses and i was like do you guys have pina colada and they're like nope nope no one's ordered one since you were last here they blow the dust off the pina colada mix says here that you need to like getting caught in the rain also when did they start uh selling hot dogs oh from day one really yeah julius orange julius and hot

and seem hot dogs go on a pizza dog gross uh a uh you know a middle eastern dog what what does that got saffron rice it's got hummus and carob kalimata olives yeah yeah oh yeah like a mediterranean kalimata or kalamata we're gonna get kalamata kalimata i think is uh oh kalima it's from kalima it's from the temple of doom oh it's also from the most recent um or not the most recent the mark wal Wahlberg Planet of the Apes movie. Oh, really? They called the area Calima. Isn't that where they're chanting in the Temple of Doom before he pulls the heart out of the guy?

I believe so. Yeah, he pulls the heart out of the guy. And then in an Orange Julius commercial, they photoshopped in a hot dog. He pulled a hot dog out of the guy. So delicious. It's face-meltingly good. Now, eat it and then kick someone into a pit of fire. Going back to Cliffhanger, is there not a scene in it where he climbs up the mountain

and he ends up in a museum that's at the top of the mountain? Because he's only wearing a wife beater shirt. Is it a snowy mountain? Yeah, it's a snowy, snowy mountain. And he gets to the top of the mountain and then he goes in and there's a museum up there and that's he puts on the mannequin's coat and that's what he's wearing for the rest of the movie it's a but why would there be a museum at the top of a mountain a museum of coats is it a ski lodge maybe no it's a museum because it's on a mannequin i think uh and there's places other than museums yeah well

could it be why would there be a mannequin at a ski launch because they sell coats sell coats i haven't seen this movie and i can tell you that that's what happened no no it's a museum it's it's like sure it's not a monastery with monks yes well yes it's definitely a museum he puts on a coat he gets an old-timey climbing pick uh-huh this is before he gets the bolt gun's definitely a museum. He puts on a coat. He gets an old-timey climbing pick. This is before he gets the bolt gun. The famous bolt gun. It's a museum of heavy coats and Gore-Tex pants

and it's a museum of that zinc you put on your nose and goggles and chapstick. Everything you need if you've just climbed up this mountain in a lifebeater. But why would you put a store on top of a mountain? That would be equally crazy. Because people break stuff. You lose your goggles.

You lose your lunch. You probably don't lose your coat. Oh, I came up here on the ski lift. I don't know what happened. My coat broke. It got pulled into the gears of the machine. I was having an affair with my secretary on the way up. She threw my coat on the ground.

I could ski down and get it, but I'm very rich. I'm going to need a coat for coat searching. That's the kind of people that were at this resort. Yeah, I own a space mall. You may have heard of it. My son invented Lego. Wait, that guy's dad was there, too? Yeah, he's very old.

This is Lego Senior. He's in a Lego life sustainment capsule. It's like one of those tombs from future movies. Yeah, he's at Legoland. He's in one of the elaborate Lego designs. He's slowly turning into Lego. They're taking pieces of his DNA and putting it in every brick. Yeah, my father designed the prototypes for Lego.

It was a hoop and a stick. Yeah, there's Lego in there. The hoop and stick locked together. It says Lego on it. You had to do a show for a bunch of Germans. And apparently one Dane. But there were a few, the staff, they were the best. The guys who worked in the rental shop.

Sure. They were a bunch of party dudes. The thing about it was that there was a pretty big staff because they also had a huge banquet hall. And there were catered meals every day. Whoa. Like ridiculously good food. How long were you up at this place for? Just two days.

Wow. And they said that normally, well, I stayed for the one night. I arrived and then I stayed for the night. Then I snowboarded that day. So you had performed the night before? No, I performed the night after I went snowboarding all day. Which was tiring. You've got to get up at 6am to get on the helicopters.

And your thighs. Yeah, and the whole time. The problem is the guides, they knew I was the comedian. But then the other people in the helicopter, they were like, Who's this guy? Because I'm alone. And then they were like, is they handed you some hummus it was in their pocket they uh but they kept like it's just annoying when people know you're

a comedian and you're not like they're they're so expectant of you to be like come on do some funny stuff and then they all start like we're waiting for the helicopter to arrive at one of the landing zones. And you threw one of their hats in the blades. Was that funny? Yeah. And they would laugh. I was just a bully.

Just pushed a kid into a tree well. Ah! Hilarious! Abby told me that when she grew up living in Switzerland, they got some German TV. And there was an equivalent of America's Funniest Home Videos in Germany called Schwupps. It's the best. And it was like America's Funniest Home Videos, except with real injuries. Like people really getting hurt and the audience laughing so hard.

You can really see the bone sticking out of his leg. Schwupps. That's what they say. Like every time an ambulance gets called, they're like, oh, you really pulled a swoops. I know! We're gonna have to put on our best show this week. It's swoops week. Sponsored by

swoops. Swoops bitter lemon. Drink some swoops ginger ale and watch swoops. How did this group of Germans come across? Organize and defeat us. Another comedian did it last year, and he also snowboards, and he couldn't do it this year, so he called me.

He's like, yeah, they'll trade you a day for the gig. And I was like, awesome. That's really crazy. Because it was very cool, like, helicoptering to the top of a mountain and then getting off, and then you're, like, on the glacier where there's no trees it's just like nice fresh powder and then you ride down into the trees then through the trees and then out the bottom and then a helicopter lands it's cool because the helicopter lands like right next to you like you actually have to kneel down like army style and it shows up and the wind almost blows

you over every time oh terrifying and then you get it's pretty scary when you first get in the helmet you're like this thing's really... Because the helicopters are so light. When they land them at the garage where they keep them, they literally just push them in with their hands. Helicopters are not heavy machines. They probably got some pretty heavy security around them. A bunch of kids can just push it around.

Yeah, tipping them over. Just pull it behind their bicycle. I'm dead. Look what I got. Just throwing melons into the blades. Now, I don't think that I've ever been in a similar circumstance where there's been bartering, where I've gotten that. That seems... I would do that. Yeah, it was pretty cool.

But it's really, like, I was not good enough to do it. Like, I would fall down, and then, like, on a snowboard, when you try to stand back up, you have to put your hands behind you and push on the ground. But when you're on powder, you just push on it and it just goes away. It's like pushing on vapor. Or all the Germans laughing at you. Yeah, well, this guy is hilarious. Shwoops.

Shwoops, you fell in a tree well. You're suffocating on snow. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. That's great. So, what else? I mean, that's not that you need a what else after that. Yeah.

Also, I'm training for a race. What? That you have done, the Spartan race. Oh, yeah. You're doing the sun run in two days, aren't you? I am. Well, we'll see. We'll see how that alarm waking up in the morning situation plays out.

Make sure you pick the right inspirational ringtone for your alarm. Don't pick the alarm one. I got a... That'll ruin any dream. Yeah, exactly. You need something that slowly coaxes you out of a dream. Something like harpenoises. I gotta That'll ruin any dream Yeah exactly You need something that slowly coaxes you out of a dream Something like harp noises Yes I recommend harp

Coaxing you back into the real world Then you know you're coming out of a dream sequence Yeah exactly My sequence is over Yeah there's a So you did the Spartan race That's the one I'm doing The Spartan race refreshed my memory It's a... I don't know. So you did the Spartan Race. I did, yeah. That's the one I'm doing.

The Spartan Race refreshed my memory. It's a 5K race and... That's a whole lot of others. A lot of uphill. Five kilometers, so I think that's about 90 miles. Obstacles? Yes. Gladiators?

Yes. Spears throwing? Yes, I think. Yeah. Had to throw a spear. You have to throw a spear. You have to go in the mud under barbed wire. You have to climb a rock.

You have to... At one point, you get up to the highest hill. I mean, I guess they're all different. I guess they have different variations, but the one that I hated the most... Was the one that you did? The Goldberg variations? Where Goldberg the wrestler came and

kicked your dick in the dirt? Just your dick. It kicks it right off. You got to the top of the highest hill and then they made you inflate a giant balloon. What? Yeah, when you're the most painfully out of breath. And then once you get it inflated

it has a really soul-crushing message written on it. Yeah once you get it inflated, it has a really soul-crushing message written on it. Yeah, you're never gonna make it. Ew, you stink. Nice breath. I'm filled with the grossest breath. It just lights on fire. Yeah, and then they

wait while you upload that as your Facebook profile picture. You have to do it. You with the stupid balloon. Send it to all your exes. I thought I was going to do this run to make you like me, but I failed. There's also a wall climbing portion of it that was, there was two parts that I didn't see anybody complete successfully. There was like walking on a two by four that was flipped so you were walking on the

two two oh yeah not even the four no and uh and then there was also forget about the buy right yeah the buy wasn't even present and then there was a wall climbing thing where you had to you had and it was you had to be a certain height to be able to do it because uh if you were anything short i think of six foot you couldn't there's no way you could reach so everybody fell off of it every time you don't complete something they make you do 10 burpees which are the worst yeah oh i can't even uh it's like a push-up and a jumping jack and a squat yeah i think i went going into it i could do one one i don't think i've ever done a burpee. Yeah, they're the worst.

So what are you doing to train? Do some burpees. Apparently now burpees. Yeah. But I've just been running in Stanley Park. There's like... Have you been going over obstacles? No, not really.

Have you been fighting strangers? I'm going to do that. I'm going to start that a week before. Did you do anything special to train Graham? Yeah, I went to the gym every day and lifted weights and went on a stair machine and also ran every day.

But still was not nearly enough to be in shape. Like, there were people who were in actual shape that were being carried out by ambulance when I got there. Yes. Oh my god. Because people really go hard on it, and then, you know, you can really... They all drink Red Bull, and they're like, we can do it!

No, you can't. No, it's even worse. Maybe Monster made an appearance. Monster energy drink. Oh, it's so bad. They're all not good. They all taste the same. Some of them are okay.

Really? Which ones are okay? What I like is actually any of the non-caffeinated ones. There's some that don't have caffeine, and they're really good. So you just like the taste. No, no. They still give you some energy, but you don't feel like you're on methamphetamines. Oh, right.

Have you had that five-hour energy drink? Yes, once. Which comes in a tiny little bottle. Yeah. And what's that about? What is that? It tastes exactly like a tiny little bottle. Yeah. Now, what's that about? What is that? It tastes exactly like cough syrup. Oh.

A little more sour. So it's the opposite of drinking a tiny thing of cough syrup. Exactly. It usually will put you to sleep. If you drink both, you'll just be normal. Oh, yeah. And coughless. Get back to normal.

It's just called the normal cocktail. Yeah. It's a real the normal cocktail. Yeah. It's a real normal speedball. Yeah. When is your Spartan Rice? It is on May 12th. Oh, goodness. Is that Mother's Day?

It's one month away. Is it Mother's Day? I don't know. I don't know. It's on a Saturday. It's the busiest day of the year for the postal service and for Spartans Spartans yeah

Spartans they have uh they love their mothers I don't think it's still I don't think it's a postal service day anymore I think it's just flower shops oh right

uh F T D that's that's the only kind available um F T D

what does that stand for it's a network of flowers it's just a network of flowers. It's just a bunch of flowers connected by wires? It's like the original Facebook. FTD. Did you guys see those new tulips on FTD? They're so hot. Single roses in your area.

Oh, single roses. That's pretty good. Single roses in your area. A million tulips isn't cool. You know what's cool? More. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, we're recording this well in advance of its release date. I believe it'll be released

around the 23rd-ish of April. Yeah, the old news by the time it hits. You're in. We're recording this because I am... While you're listening to this, I am on my honeymoon right now

in a tropical place. You and Abby are going cliffhanger on a cliffhanger adventure tour. We're going cliffhanger themed. You're each going to get your own bolt gun. Yeah, we're starting a cliffhanger tribute act. There aren't very many tribute acts to movies. Not enough. Yeah, there's a lot of bands.

There's like a hundred Kiss tribute acts. But how many Indiana Jones tribute acts? Princess Bride. Very few tribute acts to Danny Aiello in the pickle. We're getting ramped up for that. It's Friday the 13th. You're buying your zinc. You're getting your floppy hat.

It's Friday the 13th. You're buying your zinc. You're getting your floppy hat. It's Friday the 13th today. And so I... Happy murder day. Did anything happen? Did any bad luck happen? I don't know. I woke up in a saw-like basement. And I was chained to a wall.

But I sawed off the other guy's hand. And slapped him with it. Easy peasy. And now you's hand and slapped him with it. And now you have hand nunchucks. Then I have hand nunchucks, which help me defeat the main boss. Well, one of the hands is yours. So you have extra dexterity.

Attention, video game designers. Has there been a Saw movie? I've only seen the first one. Has there been one where it's like a super easy decision? Like, oh, yeah, I'll just, you know. Scratch this ladder. Yeah, chop this guy's head off right away. Just the easiest.

This guy's a murderer. He doesn't deserve to live. Yeah, it's you or him. Yeah, he's going to be executed in a day anyway. This guy's head is mostly chopped off already. It's hanging by a thread, man. All right. Break it and get out of here.

No, I don't want to. I don't know how I feel about this. The only weird thing that happened to me today is I had to get these stitches taken out of my back. Because you're a snitch. Because, yeah, I got stitches because I got four stitches because I snitched four times. And

as I was making my way to the... I had to drive to the doctor this morning before work. And my neighborhood is so much better than it used to be, but then there are days when you're just like, okay, well, that's... Friday the 13th.

Yeah, this crazy thing just happened. I was just waiting at a red light, and a guy starts walking across the street, and he's not wearing any shoes. So he's wearing shorts and a hoodie hoodie and no shoes and he walks across the street no service for him but he was wearing a shirt and i found out he was wearing multiple shirts because he stopped in the middle of the street and took off his hoodie and then took off one of his t-shirts. And then put his hoodie back on. So he just wanted to take off the middle layer. Yeah.

And it was a weird sort of like Canadian politeness moment. Where he got very close to my car. But I did not want him to hear me automatically lock it. Did you try to cough to cover it? I literally waited for a very loud truck to go by in the other direction. Like in Enemy at the Gates, when they gotta time the gunshots with the explosions. Oh yeah, that is a good movie. Why doesn't that have a tribute act? It's just a bunch of people shooting each other in the face.

I can't wait for that truck to come through. You know, it's going to be in the first encore. Wow, yeah. I feel like, I don't know, you would have been in your rights to honk at him, right? He was in the middle of the street. He didn't finish crossing before? No, no. How hot are you?

You're like, I can't even finish the crosswalk. Get this goddamn metal layer off. It was 8.45 in the morning. It was 8 degrees out. It's true, it was shitty this morning. Yeah. It was raining. Jeez Louise. I'm kind of worried about that guy now.

I hope he's okay. But if I had honked at him, it was the kind of thing where it would have been like, he doesn't care. This is the thing that will push him over the edge. Oh yeah, like he's okay. But if I had honked at him, it was the kind of thing where it would have been like, he doesn't care. Like, this is the thing that'll push him over the edge. Oh, yeah. He's hanging by a thread. Yeah, he's trying not to lose his head. Ha ha ha ha ha.

So now chop off this guy's head. Ha ha ha ha ha. How was his head? Was it fully attached? Um, wow. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know about this.

If he's listening to the podcast. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. He might. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about this. If he's listening to the podcast... He might. Yeah, don't do that, dude. Don't chop your own head off, bro. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't matter what the date is. But, you know, be safe, dude.

Also get some shoes. Yeah. Even if they're those weird shoes that look like your feet. Maybe make some shoes out of that middle t-shirt you hated so much. Oh, yeah. Yeah, be resourceful. I didn't get a look at what was written on the middle t-shirt. It might have been something like, oh, I, you know, it's this hockey team I don't like.

Oh, yeah, like he suddenly switched allegiances. Yeah, like, oh, I forgot I was wearing this t-shirt of my enemies. My enemies t-shirt is my friend. I'm going to go make out with a girl from the rival team. Enemies t-shirts even closer. We're saying a lot of things. Yeah, sure. Lots of good phrases.

So that was it. And then I went and I got some stitches taken out. And yeah, we were talking before the show. You don't need to go to a doctor for that. I know. It is. I could have done it myself if i could reach my back it should be one of those things like in the old west where barbers did simple surgery you should be able to go to a like a hair salon and get stitches taken up yeah don't you think don't they make stitches that like dissolve on their own they do yeah like why couldn't they according to my doctor are they

edible they were i'm sure they're edible yeah they're made out of spaghetti they must be made out of something they have to be really al dente something similar to like a lollipop sugar material you can break them over your face

like the sugar glass you don't want them to be brittle no they according to my doctor he didn't want to use them because sometimes they dissolve too quickly. And then you're left with just a big gaping wound. He's old school. He was taking the laces out of a football as you walked in. Your stitches are made of leather.

Yeah, exactly. They were Frankenstein style stitches he's like i'll give you half off if you can stitch this yourself a la desperado or any action movie it was free oh yeah right country for old men so yeah that's

basically my life stitches and shoelessness yeah i wonder if it was Shoeless Joji Accent. Yeah, oh. From Field of Dreams. Yeah, and he was like, hey, build me a bridge. Build me a baseball field or whatever. Build me some shoes or something. Play catch with my dad.

Build me a baseball field or whatever. Yeah, I don't care. Build me something. That's how it went. I ain't got nothing. Build me something. If you build it, I may or may not show up. Oh, great.

Hey, Graham. Yeah. What's up with you? I, well, yesterday was your wife, Abby, who is still her own person. It was her portfolio graduation show. Yes. From her, she's been doing this fashion diploma course. Yeah, fashion design diploma course. Not fashion-like.

Fashion diploma course. How to make diplomas for people who do fashion. Yeah. I've always wanted to make diplomas. Is there a course? Yeah. Can I make those little weird squiggles around the border? Somebody's got to do that

You've got to do the little emblem You've got to do the little seal The one with some calligraphy Yeah She's fashioning some diplomas Cold flake And we were there towards the end And we were chatting

There was a guy who was DJing. And you and I invented a reality show that was like Project Runway, but it was for America's Next Top DJ. Yeah. And it was hosted by Van Buren. What's his name? Oh, Armin Van Buren. Armin Van Buren. From the Trance podcast?

Yeah. Our rival podcast. No, no our sister podcast not our rival it's our rival Trance podcast and I am Armin Van Buren and his catchphrase when you were kicked out was and now it's time

for you it's time to drop the beat or just drop the time to drop the beat. The bass? Or just drop the bass or drop the beat. And then you get dropped out of a trap door. Didn't they do a DJ? I think they did a DJ. Canada's Next Top DJ.

Sponsored by Red Bull. Everything's sponsored by Red Bull. But I don't think it was a TV show. No, they just did it at a nightclub. Which I think was exactly the same as just going to a club. Nobody at the club knew it was even happening. They were just a bunch of songs. They just made posters.

And he's like, uh, uh, uh. And in the end, they were like, here's the winner. Yeah. Oh, nice. Muscles. And then they were like, my wife designed that diploma. Yeah. He's kidding.

You see that diploma? His DJ diploma. Guess who fashioned it. So that was fun. That we invented that. Yeah. Yeah, we tried to come up with whatever. His other catchphrase was, where are your bloops?

Yeah. Need more bloops and bleeps. Where are all the bloops? I heard the bleeps. Where are the bloops? Make it work. Make it craft work. They weren't DJs, but it's close.

They had bloops and bloops. Absolutely. So that happened. And also, I may or may not be getting evicted. Well, that's good. You've lived in your new place for two weeks. I like this saga of your life in this crazy house yeah because i've heard it from both you and the other guy that you live with yeah and i only moved in uh i moved in

on the first and that was or no i moved on the 30th or whatever and then the next day we got an eviction notice and uh the the gentleman that i live with uh is very confident that we're gonna not be evicted but in my mind uh we got an eviction notice so uh as i said to her like well landlords only have one real card to play and this guy seems like he played it expertly like he wanted to evict you he gave you an eviction notice doesn't that mean that we're evicted like i would be i still haven't unpacked any of my things because i've been wearing the same outfit for two weeks you're sleeping in a cardboard box yeah i'm sleeping in a car do you close the flaps at night yeah well it's nighttime yeah

is there a chance that you are just in love with moving? Yeah, absolutely. You mean like in the back of my mind, I knew I was moving into a potentially... You're a rambling man. Yeah, yeah. That's true. I do like a rambling. You do love moving.

You help people move all the time. Who helped you move? I hired a guy who was very efficient. Why did you have to hire a guy? You help people move out of your own pocket Well, you know Like so much hummus When people are living in my pocket

I certainly help them get out Get out Eviction notice I gotta put some hummus and chewing gum in here I just tuck the eviction notice into my pocket It's really exciting You gotta fold it up really small Ahem So, we might be getting evicted the eviction notice in my pocket. It's really exciting. You're going to fold it up really fast.

Him. So we might be getting evicted, or we might not, but I feel like I'm not. I'll wait to see what Martin Van Buren has to say, or whatever his name is. Amadeus Van Buren. Armin.

And did I talk about the guy with the greasy hair across the way that has the puppy? I don't think so. Oh, man. I think you, And did I talk about the guy with the greasy hair across the way that has the puppy? I don't think so. Oh, man. I think last time you just talked about the Little Caesars in your neighborhood. Oh, right. Also, yeah, when I was talking about that the other day, about the Little Caesars. Pizza, pizza. Yeah.

Five dollars, hot and ready. Hot and ready. Can't beat that. It's the best pizza in town. Voted Vancouver's best pizza. Year in, year out. Here's the thing pizza in town. Voted Vancouver's best pizza. Year in, year out. Here's the thing about the Little Caesars guy. Caesar, I guess.

I want to say Brute. Brute. E2. There's a billboard right next to the place. He's the guy. He's holding up the pizza and he's got like really gnarly uh chest hair that's right next like it's right next to the pizza that he's holding i was like well not only could they have cropped it out they could have just not drawn it

in he's not a guy that they were like no that's just the way it is what kind of mascot do we want someone who's a hazard in health. Yeah, because he's holding the pizza right to open sores on his face. Do you want your pizza prepared by an authentic Italian? Caesar wasn't...

Was he Italian? Yeah, he was Roman. He was friends. He was Romans. He was countrymen. He didn't make that speech. He got stabbed a bunch of times. One time by Brutus from Popeye. One time by Bluto. Yeah, exactly.

Bluto turned yellow. You never really see Caesar portrayed as a hairy dude, though. No, I mean, he had the haircut. He had that George Clooney. But he's a little Caesar. Yeah. Sure. So anyways, there's this guy that lives across...

The place I live in has a courtyard. Well, it's become just a junkyard. That's great. Last week, remember you... Dave came and picked me up from my place to do the podcast last week. And we were driving out. There was a guy dragging out a table set onto his lawn. And I was like, hey, table set.

And you were like, hey, bed bugs. And this morning, the guy across the way dragged that table set into the courtyard. How many days has it been? That was over whenever last we recorded a podcast. It's rained a lot since then. And also there's now a sofa that he dragged in from somewhere. And this guy looks like he's dressed

like the lead singer of The Strokes and has hair that has never seen any kind of pH balance shampoo ever. Sure. It's only seen motor oil. Just acid shampoo. or really basic yeah we don't those are the two kinds some kind of end of the ph it's greasy it's like beyond like what like a young uh a hipster gentleman or something would have this has gone into where it clumps and

it's and he's got a girlfriend and a super cute dog and And I don't get it. And then today I figured, I don't think that that's his girlfriend. I think he's a defective guy and she's taking care of him. Like, that's what I've landed at. If you're a defective guy and you have a lady taking care of you, it's pretty great that she can be mistaken for your girlfriend. No kidding. Yeah. You must be doing well. I mean, they're the same age.

He wears work boots as if to give the illusion that he has worked ever, which, I mean, well, you know what? And he wears shampoo gloves. That couch isn't dragging itself. It's true. But he gets greasier and greasier every day and he looks like a scarecrow come to life. Maybe he doesn't know you have to wash the shampoo out. Like, he just puts it in.

He's done too much shampooing. I went through a phase when I didn't wash my hair. Did you have super long hair like this guy? No, but it was... I had heard that it's like a two-week hell that you go through of your hair gets super greasy, and after that it sort of evens out. So you think that maybe I moved in the first day

this guy decided not to... Yeah, he's going on a shampoo fast. For Lent. Reverse Lent. For Reverse Lent. Starts after Easter. The other 325 days of the year. But I found that it never evened out.

It just got greasy. Yeah, yeah. This guy wears the same outfit every day he's wearing a canadian tuxedo with uh work boots and uh and now has dragging there's already garbage in the courtyard and he's dragging in neighbor's garbage oh man ivan do you know what a canadian tuxedo is uh are you talking like red checkered shirt blue jeans jeans. It's denim on denim. Oh, denim on denim. Yeah. Jeans jacket. Yeah, jean jacket and then jeans.

Ooh, handy. And also, I think he's wearing kind of a denim-y colored t-shirt, too. Same t-shirt. There's no doubt about it. Remember denim shirts? They made those for a while. Oh, yeah. I think I have. I'm wearing...

That would seem like a bit chafe. So if Boots got his nickname for wearing boots every day, what is the guy who wears boots, Canadian tuxedo, and same t-shirt every day? Oh. What do you call him in your head? What's your neighborhood nickname? Oh, I call him Scarecrow. Oh, okay.

Scarecrow? Because he's a greasy scarecrow. Tangled up in blue jeans? Yeah. But it's Fiddlesticks, the blue-jean scarecrow uh but tangled up in blue jeans yeah but it's it's fiddlesticks the blue jeans scarecrow oh i like fiddlesticks that's not bad uh the problem is is that his girlfriend is uh very good looking and his puppy is adorable so it's like there's a lot that you want to look at but then he's always in the picture like it's like a family picture where there's a lot that you want to look at, but then he's always in the picture. Like it's like a family picture where there's a kid who wouldn't get his hair cut or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, ugh, it really did ruin the picture. It's like a character in a movie that you hate. You're like, I love this movie about this cute girl and this dog. And then he's like, yeah! I sometimes... Look at my dream jacket. I sometimes feel like I'm that guy. You feel like you're that guy?

Yeah. You know, my beautiful wife and very adorable dog. Dave, you shampoo regularly. You dress wonderfully. jean jacket i sometimes feel like i'm that guy you feel like you're that guy yeah you know my beautiful wife and very adorable dog dave you shampoo regularly you dress wonderfully you drink wine you drink wine you're never dragging in people's garbage into your into i wear a lot of denim uh i have a denim hat how many denim fedora does that exist yet oh man i bet you i bet you of course it exists someone has made one once do you think that it's there's A denim fedora. Does that exist yet? Oh, man. I bet you. I bet you. Of course it exists. Someone has made one once. Do you think that there's a denim fedora and it's got the stitching like a pair of jeans?

Of course. Oh, that would be great. It's got a pocket on the hat. Yeah. You can put your wallet in it. It's like the back pocket. It looks like the ass of a pair of apple bottom jeans. They should have it with the front pocket with the little coin pocket.

That's fun. The pocket watch. And you wear a belt around instead of a band. Oh, that's too good. Or a leather belt. Yeah, with a little buckle that says, Hey, guys to the flea market. That's gotta be there. And if it doesn't exist, a patent pen.

To circle craft There's all kinds of crafts you can make with old pairs of jeans Name four My cousin once made me a photo album That looked like a pair of jeans And the belt was how you sealed the album That's not bad You can also make Pants memories

You just cut the pocket Just the pocket And then you put straps on that That's not bad. You can also make a purse. Pants memories. You make a purse out of it. You just cut the pocket. Just the pocket. And then you put straps on that. Oh, like a little clutch. Yeah. You could make... You're like, can you put this purse in your pocket?

And you're like, oh, there's no room. And she's like, this is the exact same. She's sassing you. When I was in lifeguard training, they used a flotation device out of pants by tying the legs in knots and then flicking them so air goes in and then holding the waistband shut. And also filling them with styrofoam. Yeah. Has anybody ever survived?

Or just wearing a life jacket. Yeah, with using pant lifeboat. It was on the day, because one of the days of lifeguard training was that we showed up, and we didn't know this, but they just like, we showed up and they were like, okay, don't get changed. And we were like, oh, we're going to do cell phone on land today. Keep your phones in your pockets. And they were like, alright, everybody in.

And we were like, what? And they were like, you're wearing your clothes in the pool today. And then we had to jump into the pool with clothing on and then... Don't take your cell phones out of your pockets. Yeah, leave your precious photos. It's going to be real. It's a precious photo of my long lost sister. From my locket.

A locket that contains the secret of my identity. You guys, we'll name more denim stuff later but I think we need to move on to Overheard. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which people, usalizing usalizing and usalizing their ears,

fuselaging their ears, to hear things, funny things. People say really funny things when people think that they're not listening. Yeah, people think they're not being overheard, so they'll say like, hey, it's Croc-da, even though they're looking at a regular lizard. Yeah, yeah. Or they'll be like, I, it's Croc-da, even though they're looking at a regular lizard. Yeah, yeah.

Or they'll be like, I'm so high on Crocodile. Isn't that the crazy drug? I forget, yeah. The street name for crack? They call it Crocodile. There is. There's some sort of drug called Crocodile. There's a drug called everything.

Denim hat. Do you guys have any everything? Oh, I can't believe we didn't look up denim hats on the break. Denim hats! They exist. They exist. I know they do in baseball cap form but i don't know about this fedora look that we're talking about of course oh of course they do what about a denim like a denim toque i think maybe like you roll it up like you roll up jeans do you remember folding

yeah like your fonzie's toque iron your toque. Do you remember that time Britney Spears was dating Justin Timberlake and they showed up to some event in a completely... They were both wearing denim ensembles. Oh, my. I mean, I usually write down most of these things. Britney Spears dated Timberlake? Yes! Timberlake turned into a Southern belle there. For years

I remember that because when they broke up Britney Spears was going on TV He has a tiny dink When they broke up They had the big Madonna and Britney kiss On TV And then Madonna Kissed Christina Aguilera

But no one saw that Because the camera cut away to Justin Timberlake to get his reaction. Oh, nice. He was holding up a poster that said, Britney and Justin forever. He was holding up a poster that said, I don't care. I'll be famous-er.

Dicks in boxes. Yeah, exactly. It was long before his tiny dick was in a tiny box. She was the inspiration for dick in a box. He actually did it. That was long before his tiny dick was in a tiny box. Yeah. She was the inspiration for Dick and I. In a jewelry box. He actually did it. That was why they broke up.

And he was like, maybe I could turn this into a song. And he was like, you know what's not cool? A million dollars. You know what's very cool? My tiny dick. Et cetera. Oh, we like to start with the guest whenever we do the overheards. So, Ivan, if you'd like to

lead the way. Yes. I have two overheards. Before you start your first overheard! You stupid idiot. It's time for my favorite segment on the show, a segment called Celebrity Birthdays. We are recording this on Friday, the 13th of

April. So, happy birthday, Jason Voorhees. Jason, I don't know the music from the movie. I'm the Jason guy. We're the dream warriors. That's from Emeron on Street 6. That was docking. Big happy birthday.

Dave, shut up. Before you get into that, I want to talk about a very important thing. And that very important thing is Hulk Hogan. We talking Hulk Hogan, man. Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. Handlebar mustache ripping your shirt.

Now, it's been a banner week for Hulk Hogan news. There's been a lot of stuff rolling in. I want to thank, first of all, the numerous people who have sent me the hilarious photo that somebody has photoshopped with Hulk Hogan with the mustache and then Hulk Hogan's face inside of the mustache. It's great. People keep saying that, but you don't even like Hulk Hogan. No, Dave, that's incorrect.

You've read the wrong person's bio. You've read Eric Bischoff's Bible. Bible? Bio. Bischoff Bible. Yeah,? Bio. Bischoff Bible. Yeah, try and say Bischoff Bio. No, you can't. Brought to you by the people from Bischoff's Bio.

Well, you can, I guess. The Bischoff's Bible's bio is the best thing. Is he a wrestler, too? He was the guy that I talked about a couple weeks ago that was sassing him off on Twitter. Eric Bischoff? Yeah, I think it was Eric Bischoff. He was sassing Hulk Hogan? Weren't you talking about the guy wearing the chainmailoff? Yeah, I think it was Eric Bischoff. He was sassing Hulk Hogan? Weren't you talking about the guy wearing the

chainmail wig? Yeah, chainmail wig. That wasn't him. Oh, what's his name? Scott Steiner. Oh, right. Gary Glerk. Scott Chainmail. So, anyway, so I've got that picture, so you don't need to send it anymore. I appreciate the people that did, but you don't need to send it anymore. You've seen it? Funny.

The one thing, though, a listener, Erin S., sent us two photos that she took years ago. Now, Graham, is Erin spelled like a boy or a girl? Like a girl. Okay. I should have got that from the she. Yeah. She sent us two pictures that she took many years ago on a vacation to Vancouver, where they came across a movie being filmed. And Hulk Hogan was in the movie.

He's wearing a wig where he has full head hair. Is it curly? Is it straight? Yeah. He was playing Curly in a remake of the Three Stooges. A pre-make. Yeah, it was a pre-make of a pre it was a pre-make of a prequel. A pre-make of a prequel.

What is that called? A prequel prequel? It's not a thing. Is that a word I've done? So anyway, she sent in two pictures that she took with a photo camera back in the day. Oh my. An actual, yeah. What time period?

When was the last time people were using photo cameras? Early 90s? Yeah. Late 90s. I guess early 2000s. Okay. I still had one. So she snapped some pics of a movie that she determined, I think it was called, I think

it was the one where he has a boat that talks. Night boat. Talk boat. Talk boat. Let's talk about boats. But anyways, they're great photos. They're blurry, but they're clearly of Hulk Hogan working

on a Vancouver set. We should probably rent that and watch that movie. Sure. Now, you know, so that was nice stuff that people sent in about Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan news for this week.

Two juicy stories. This is such a big week. First of all... Brother. Brother. We are struggling with a Hulk Hogan news sound escape. Lars Ulrich. The drummer from the Metallica.

Metallica. Yeah, the Sandman and the Metallicas. Yeah, the band that Hulk Hogan nearly played bass in. Lars Ulrich says... A famous Danish man, Lars Ulrich, the son of the creator of Lego. That's right.

Avid skier and heavy metal soup eater. Lars Ulrich said about Hulk Hogan's claim that he nearly played bass in the band Metallica is, I don't know enough about him, talking about Hulk Hogan. I'm not a huge wrestling fan. So he says he'd never met Hulk Hogan.

And then he says, unless he went by like his Christian name or something. And I don't know if anybody knows what his Christian name was. Dave Smith or something. It's Terry Bollea. All right. Everybody knows that. That's not a, this guy, this Lars Ulrich, out of the loop.

But not quite as out of the loop as Hulk Hogan has said he nearly joined Metallica. Like to sign up to be a wrestler? What's your name? Dave Smith. That won't do it all. How's Hulk Hogan who said he nearly joined Metallica. Like to sign up to be a wrestler? What's your name? Dave Smith. That won't do it all. How's Hulk Hogan sound? Great. It's okay,

but I don't think you're really going to go anywhere. How about Hulk Smith? How American are you? Are you real? How about Dave Hogan? These are all possibilities

I'm willing to try. Hulk Smith. He's just like a regular Joe Hulk. Yeah. I'm just a regular Joe six pack'm joe six-pack yeah oh do you want to see my six-pack i don't have one i just have glasses weird inflated muscles yeah um hogan uh hulk hogan has also sold his uh florida home oh no uh the where the television show Hogan Knows Best was filmed he has sold it

17,000 square foot house he sold for 6.2 million dollars originally listed at 25 million dollars 5 years ago he took it off the market and then put it back on the market at 10.9 million in 2010

then dropped it to 8.9 million and finally has sold it for 6.9 million in 2010, then dropped it to 8.9 million, and finally has sold it for 6.2 million. Thanks a lot, Obama. How much did he buy it for? How much did he buy it for? He bought the land that didn't have a house on it. He bought the land for 2 million dollars, then he and Linda built a house on it together.

Brutus the Barbecue Cake helped. Yeah, made a lot of late night visits. Bischoff was there with his chain mail mullet. Yeah, or whatever his name was. Scott Steiner. And associates. And associates.

Anyway, so they, he sold that mansion and all the bad vibes that go with it. Right. And I think also his son was in the deal. You also get his son. His manslaught with it. Right. And I think also his son was in the deal. You also get his son. His manslaughtering son. Yeah. Did he give the name of the purchaser? He wouldn't say his name on it.

It was just, he just signed his name something flair. Yeah. I, Ron, she. Blank, the snake. S, slaughter. George, the snake. S. Slaughter. George the animal. S. Andre.

Normal guy. All right, you guys. Earthquake. These are the names of wrestlers. The guy I broke your back. Hey, everybody. I broke your bank. It's time to return to a thing called Celebrity Birthdays.

It is April 13th. A happy celebrity birthday to celebrity blonde kid Ricky Schroeder. Turns 42 today. Do you think he's too old now to still be a child star? Or do you think that he's due for a child star comeback? Yeah, I think he's probably going to be going to guest star as a triplet on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and Ricky Schroeder. Like Macaulay Culkin came back.

Yeah. Better than ever. Yeah, looking great a few months ago. Wasn't he a wheelchair guy in some religion movie? Yeah, he was in Saved about eight years ago. And then like two months ago, he looked like he was at death's door. Really? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, he had a really scraggly... I think more than anything, it was the scraggly goatee. What's he doing with himself? Not shaving. Drugs? Yeah, it looks like drugs. I don't care who hears this.

It looks like Macaulay Culkin was doing drugs In that picture two months ago Twitter's gonna tweet it Happy celebrity birthday to That's something an old person would say Yep Twitter's gonna Guys

I'll wait until Twitter gets its hands on this Happy celebrity birthday to E Street Band drummer And former Conan O'Brien drummer, Max Weinberg, is 61 today. Nice. Wow. Isn't Bruce Springsteen just going out on the road or something?

He just announced Canadian dates. Sure. Today, the, what is it called, Wrecking Ball? I mean, can we pick a thing that's more maybe appropriate to what Bruce Springsteen does? Less working class? Well, Wrecking Ball is, I don't know, maybe an ACDC or something like that. Do they still use Wrecking Balls?

Yeah, they would just really... We hire giants and they just claw. It's like bulldozers now. Yeah. You know, an excavator. But yeah, I think... Do you think he's strayed a bit from his blue-collar roots by being a millionaire for several decades?

Yeah, several times over. Yeah, I don't think he does much demo on construction sites. Yeah, you should just call it Lunchbox. The Lunchbox Tour. Steel Lunchbox. Oh, that's pretty good. Eating on a girder with a bunch of guys. Will Steve Van Zandt be able to get time off of his

Lillehammer schedule to join the tour? I sure hope so. Rest in peace, Clarence Clemons. Big celebrity happy birthday to professional ugly man Ron Perlman. He's 62 today.

Will there be another... Why are you so disgusted by him? He said he was an ugly man. I don't know who he is. He played Beast in the Beauty and the Beast TV series. He played Hellboy. He was Hellboy. He's in Sons of Anarchy. He looks like he. He was Hellboy. Oh, nice. He's in...

Sons of Anarchy. He looks like he's wearing prosthetics even when he's not wearing prosthetics. That's part of his charm. Was he in Sin City? No, I don't think so. You're thinking of Mickey Rourke wearing prosthetics. Mickey Rourke wearing prosthetics.

All right. Yep. Happy birthday to Wally from Leave it to Beaver. Tony Dow is 67 today. Wow. Tony... You might also remember him from the Frankie and Annette 80s movie Back to the Beach. I believe he played a surfing judge.

I like that. Have you seen Back to the Beach? Yep. What's his face Is in it? Eddie Haskell's Got something Cooked up for this birthday Pee Wee Herman

Pee Wee Herman And isn't also There's somebody else In it that like I think Isn't it like Bill from Bill and Ted In it or something

Like that? I don't know Was Ted in it? Who played Ted? Keanu Reeves Was he in that Matrix film? Oh, yeah.

A little-known actor. And the answer to this year's celebrity trivia question. This year's? Yeah, this year's. This is the celebrity trivia question of the year. The year of April. This man was so great at singing Disney songs, but nobody cared about anything else he ever did. Lou Bega.

Happy birthday to Peebo Bryson. Oh, John. He is 61 today. You might remember him as the singer of Beauty and the Beast and A Whole New World. Didn't he sing other sexy jams? Maybe. I don't know. Hold me in your arms tonight.

Dance, dance, dance all night. That's the Lion King soundtrack. Stop it. David's never seen it. I don't know. Hold me in your arms tonight. Dance, dance, dance all night. That's the Lion King soundtrack. Stop it. David's never seen it. He doesn't know. Do it to me lion style. Mufasa. Do it to me great mouse detective. Mufasa

to hosta. Mufasta la vista, baby. That was his... That was his equivalent of closing time by Semisonic. 101 Gyrations. I think 101 Dalmatians was Warner Brothers. The Disney slow jams. No, 101 Dalmatians was Disney.

Yes. What did you think it was? Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers didn't make animated films other than Space Jam. They made one with dragons in it that Don Rickles did the voice of. Are you thinking of the Bluth Corporation? Yep.

Can we please come up with more Disney slow jams? Oh. Beauty and the Breast. Beauty and the Breast. Yep. Totally. Donald, duck down and hug me

yeah that's a thing that's an expression that's the worst thing I've ever said bareback of Notre Dame yeah no that's like a porn title that's not really

a song for a slow jam it's not for the family can't play that on Q&A colors of my wham you're pretty Notre Dame like he's calling her a dame that doesn't really seem like a Peebo Bryson era kind of thing.

I want to Mulan you. Oh, poke your hauntus. These are all just porno titles. Peter Panama Canal Adventure. A Peter of Panama Canal. This sexy slow jam is called Peter's Panama Adventure. We're dumb. Overheard.

The Lost Boys of My Heart. Now, overheard. What is The Most Detective? I've never even heard of The Great Most Detective. That was a Disney movie. That's one of the three Disney movies I've seen. What about Fievel Goes West? That's not Disney.

That's a bluth. What about Rescuers Down Under? You see that one? No. It's great. It's like a movie about a kid who saves this giant eagle. It's like the biggest eagle in the world and he rides on its back at one point.

That doesn't sound like that's what the plot of that movie is. It sounds like a rescuer goes down under and saves Paul Hogan. It's also the two mice who are the rescuers from the original Rescuers movie. Right. It's loaded with Australian stereotypes. And John Candy does the voice of the albatross.

Ooh. It's actually pretty funny. There's a part where there's pea soup involved. Because it's for mice, they make it with one pea. Just one big pea. That is cute. That's very great. There's a mouse at my work today.

Oh, really? Yeah. At the CBC? Yeah. I thought they cut That's very great. There's a mouse at my work today. Oh, really? At the CBC? I thought they cut back on the mice. Well, one of the mice was laid off. He was being interviewed. They couldn't get a guest for the Strombow show. Yeah. Yeah. A mouse ran through and everyone did the

thing of like, oh, get up on your chair. The resident elephant started running around. Okay, Overherds. Ivan, if you would, lead the charge on Overherds. Alright, I have a couple. One of them is actually involves Graham. This is

one that I've, I don't know if I told you about it, but it was pretty funny. I have the exact quote, but it was, we did, Graham and I did a show together at a jazz club. Oh, yeah. Do you remember this? I do.

Uh, it was quite fun. But then Graham, like, had to leave, or he went upstairs or something like that. And, uh, I overheard this couple, right after Graham walked by, this girl said, uh, his beard looks so weird. And then the guy was like, no, it's a real beard. It's definitely natural. I love it. I love it.

I'm going to do it. It's weird because they were talking about it, but also at the same time, like, she was skeptical that it was, like, it's part of your act. Like, you didn't do a lot of beard material. I do now. It's not like your whole act is like come and see graham and his crazy beard talk about jokes now yeah now i'm gonna dip it in this lady's wine oh it's weird eating soup the beard is real the persona of having the beard is fake yeah like you take it off like a batman style styrofoam head in your house and then every time you start to do a show you're like time to go to work boys

um yeah it's uh yeah i think that was a guy who was jockeying to grow a beard in his relationship and don't you like this guy yeah the lady shutting him down before it got out of control you get a lot more admiration from men than women about the beard? Almost entirely. Guys want to talk about it. Because I'm living a dream that they are, because they've got wives, kids, responsibilities, jobs, girlfriends, interests.

You've got none of those things. No friend of beard. I'm a free agent. What are friends of beard? A comb. You know. What sort of of beard? A comb. You know. What sort of things are? Shampoos.

Yeah, conditioner. Yeah, not zippers. Buttons. Buttons are friends of beards. Yeah, I don't. Here's the thing. I don't want to say this to anybody who's listening that has a beard. If you have a beard and you smoke, you have to quit smoking.

You can't have a beard and smoke. Because that's disgusting. You get yellow beard. Well, it's just gross. you have a beard and you smoke you have to quit smoking you can't have a beard and smoke yeah because that's disgusting you get yellow beard well and it's just it's gross it works on an old man though well sure but you you know and there's a lot we've got a lot of old uh dock workers that listen to the podcast a lot of a lot of tugboat captains my wife loaded up my ipod with a bunch of trash i like this show, though. This is the perfect thing when I'm digging through them containers. We'll get your other. We'll go

one time around. A little loop-de-loop. Sure. Dave? Yeah, I haven't overheard. This was, according to my notepad on my phone 28 days ago oh uh so this is 28 days later yeah this was apparently on a friday you went to hospital uh which was the i believe the original name of radiohead on a friday really yeah oh it sounds like a afternoon talk show uh

yeah but it's only one day a week. Yeah. We'll see you next week. And it's on Tuesdays, which is why it got cancelled. Yeah. So I was on the bus, and the bell that you ring to get off the bus, to let the driver know that you want to get off the next stop. You can do that? Which seems unnecessary on the bus that I take because everyone gets off.

People get off at every single stop. Yeah, so just stop at every stop. People get on at every stop, certainly. Let's have all the doors open at all times. Yeah, it's a real milk run. Can we just jump off whenever? Don't even stop the bus. Be like a streetcar.

Everybody jumps on, jumps off. But the bell kept ringing and a woman on the bus I guess was tired of it and she said, whoever's doing that, there's cops up ahead. Like the way you would

threaten a kid. Yeah, yeah. Because there were no cops up ahead. She couldn't see. She was in the back of the bus. And cops aren't going to do anything about you. But it only rings once.

It only rings once. It was clearly just a malfunction on the bus. Hey, we got a call. Somebody's ringing a bell a bunch. No, I know there's murders. If you don't stop ringing that bell, your face is going to stay like that forever. Someone's about to get shot. Yeah.

We've got to follow the money. Follow the sound of the ringing. I've been on this case for years. Follow the yellow wire. He just wakes up in the middle of the night. Like his alarm's going off, but it's not. It's just the ringing. It sounds like the bell.

He opens up a box of Gwyneth Paltrow's head and it's ringing. Her head's ringing. Someone rings a doorbell, he shoots the fridge five times and his gun. I can't take it anymore! It's too close! He's got that bell!

Gotta let go. Agent Bellman. Don't take your work home! That's what it's called. It's called the Bellman. The Bellman only rings a million times. It's Agent Samuel Bellman. Don't take your work home. Yeah. And that's what it's called. It's called the Bellman. Yeah. The Bellman only rings a million times. Agent Samuel Bellman. Yeah.

Was she saying that there's cops up ahead as in like they're on the bus or they're just like... Oh yeah, there's cops riding to work. They're just waiting. There's bus cops. Our car broke down so we're taking them. waiting. There's bus cops. Our car broke down, so we're taking it. Somehow there's cops in a car up ahead that are going to hear the bell.

We're commandeering this bus. Do either of you know how to drive a bus? Whoever's doing that, cut it out. There's cops up ahead. That's ridiculous. No, she didn't say it like that. She said it more in a threatening way. There's cops up ahead. You don't want to be busted by the man um bellman yeah marcus

bellman we got a stolen car hang on i think i hear something from the bus next to our car an apb on ding it's the bus ding killer hey gregums yep Do you have an overheard? My overheard comes courtesy of a couple that was out walking their kid in a stroller. You know, the man was a giant man. Very intimidating looking guy. And his wife was very tiny. So you can picture, right? Imagine how they made that baby.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Violently Imagine how they made that baby. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Violently. Give me a few minutes. Yeah. Someone got hurt a lot more than the other one. Him, because, yeah, he's scared of his father. Of commitment.

Yeah. Anyways, this is only the snippet that I caught, but him, obviously on the tail of her telling him what she had done. Yeah, he's on her tail. He would say, I thought you said you were only giving your number out to a few people. Right?

Ooh, our open relationship is not working. Someone got a new phone. Should not have left my car keys in that bowl with my number on them. Yeah, if found, please return, or if interested. yeah should not have left my car keys in that bowl with my number on them yeah yeah if found please return

or if interested I never understood why they had like little address tags you could write your address for your keys because that seems like

the last thing you'd want on your keys oh you oh you mean like for somebody to return them you used to be able to buy a keychain and then it had like

a little line that said like your address yeah I remember seeing that but this is like here's the house you should steal from. This was a time before murders. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, maybe. There was a... They invented pens, but not killing. Well, the charity, is it TB Vets? Yeah. They send out these keychains if you donate to them, and you put it on your keychain, and then if you lose your keys, you can just put them in the mailbox. Oh, cool.

And they will send them back to the organization, and they will send them to you. Yeah. I knew a guy that had a keychain that was originally meant for, like, people have a keychain on a boat. Oh, it floats? It floats. And then he just used it in everyday life, but it was huge. Like, it was a huge

piece of foam. It was very ridiculous. Was it made out of a pair of pants that could float? Yeah, that he kept blowing into. And I was like, stop it! Tiny little jeans. And then he got pushed in the water with his iPod. Oh, good. It's all folding in.

Oh, everything broke except the one podcast. And it was this episode. What sound is that? That's the sound of murder yeah the sound of murder stab would you watch a television show or a mini-series called the sound of murder but it's just like darkness yeah well it's like the sound of music but it's it has a horrible turn the hills are alive the hills are dead with the sound of music, but it has a horrible turn. The hills are alive with it. The hills are dead with the sound of murder. People get killed with musical instruments. Someone comes in.

A bow, right? That's something that you could kill somebody with. That's also an instrument. A trumpet. That's something you could beat somebody with. An ear trumpet. They put it up and they yell at it and it hurts them. Do you have another overheard? We're going to do more ear trumpets. Oh, guys.

I was listening through my ear trumpet out of the window. No, this overheard comes from BC Ferries. I was riding the ferry, and I was on the gangplank walking up to the ferry. Is this still called a gangplank? It's a ferry boat. It's not like a magical ferry. It's for the listener. Yes, BC Ferries is not a company that sells you ferries.

But a gangplank, gangway? Gangway? Gangway is what you yell when you want people to get out of your way. Gangway. All right. On the gangplank. Yeah, I guess it is gangplank. No, it's not.

I've never heard that expression before. You're walking onto the ferry? The ramp that goes onto the ferry. I think it's the gangplank. Yeah, it's where the gangs get like a ramp ramp yeah you know it's like a plank of gangs yeah yeah it's a plank there's a lot of gangs like game of thrones plank of gangs yeah exactly uh but i was uh i was not wearing an ipod and there were these there was a family behind me and the kid was talking to her dad and uh and she was like i guess they had just come from visiting their grandmother on the island uh and the the little

girl was like was grandma mad at me and then uh uh the dad was like no uh she wasn't mad at you she just gets confused sometimes and then she was like why and then she was like why and she's like you know she's older she's getting really crazy now don't tell her I said that though she's still very wealthy oh wow that's really turning the screw there. Yeah. Don't tell your grandma I said she's crazy. Don't tell your grandma I said she's insane. Crazy rich. I want her money. Your grandmother, Howard Hughes. Do not make fun of her tissue box shoes.

And jars of urine. Long fingernails. And beard. Yep. And that episode of The Simpsons that we're all referencing. Exactly. Because none of us know anything about the real him. Well, we saw the aviator, didn't we?

It's the way of the future. Guys, I have Overheard sent in to us. Oh, people can write in to Overheard? From around the world. If you are interested, you can send in an Overheard to Stuff Podcast yourself at gmail.com. You say from around the world. Have we ever received any from space? Yep, but around the world. Have we ever received any from space? Yep.

But only the one. And it just said, it was an SOS signal and said, space spiders have taken over. Bring more Julius. And you were like, this is technically an overheard. Exactly, because you are saying it. I mean, it's funny. Are the spiders saying anything? This one comes all the way from the other side of the world.

This is Charlie in Melbourne, Australia. Oh, I bet Charlie does surf. Yeah, he is on the forum at MaximumFun.org. He is too cool for you 69. Pretty great. This overseen is from last Christmas. We went home to Houston.

I guess there's a Houston in Australia? Nah, they ran out of names. It's hard to say. It got behind a slightly beat up Oh, Houston. Maybe it is Houston. Slightly beat up 90s model car in traffic. It had a big sticker across the whole back windshield that said

Counting Crows. And the license plate said See Crows. Oh my goodness. So this was somebody who was not from around here. Goodness. Oh wow.

Name 14 other Counting Crows songs. Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones. Etc. Yeah, wow. Name 14 other Counting Crows songs. Mr. Jones. Mr. Jones. Et cetera. Yeah, exactly. Future is X-rated. That is Matthew Bid.

I like Canadian bands. Yeah, sure. Big fan of... Counting Crows aren't one. Yeah, exactly. But Matthew Good is. That's right. All right.

Like what you like. And Dead Mile 5. he's really good too yeah Deadmau5 we've lost Ivan he's getting crazy but he's still quite wealthy so don't tell him I said that this next one comes from

David F David F is in Washington DC we were eating breakfast in Washington DC at the table. We were eating breakfast in Washington, D.C. At the table behind us, one middle-aged woman was ranting loudly to her friend, who did not seem to be as excited about the conversation, about a generic slew of political issues. And then right in the middle, she said,

It's Journalism 101. Show me the facts. If your mother says she loves you, ask her to show you the evidence. How would she do that? Money. Will, right? Put you in the will, I guess. Yeah, but that's not necessarily... Some people would argue that money and love aren't the same thing.

She just has videos of her breastfeeding you. Like, this is pretty good. Smiling so hard. Yeah, and how many uh you know things did she come see you yeah soccer does she write you love letters yeah all your changed diapers i'm in love with you but i love you letters still yeah sure from from when she was at war when she went to war did she all her love letters are i love you i'm just not in love the mom wars.

I had a kid in my elementary school who'd get a love letter from his mom and his lunch every day. Why really? This is not really a love letter. It's more like, you're on today's menu. But it was written on his napkin so that he would wipe his face with it afterwards. It's pretty adorable. Yeah. This one comes from Taylor G.

this one comes from Taylor G Taylor G is I am an English class that studies Charlie Chaplin's films seems like that would be the opposite of an English class no reading no talking no narrative

no English exactly no class they study Charlie Chaplin's films and how they reflect American culture. When we watch a film, we are encouraged to write down notes about things we found interesting. I glanced at what the guy in front of me had written on his computer. He had put down a single bullet point for the entire film. It simply read, huge head.

I want to talk about his huge head. What's up with that? Pretty cultural. I made a note here about something I noticed during the film that I want to talk about. He's got a huge head. It's really cultural in this culture. He'd probably take a big mirror to reflect it.

What is he? that darn tramp? Is that what he's known as? Why can't he finish the things on that assembly line fast enough? That guy, the silly homeless? He's got a big head. What size hat is that? Seven and five-eighths? Yoj.

It's Yoj. I came up with a topic from my term paper. Head size. Head size and the Great Depression. Head size and a tramp. With people with bigger heads. Poorer. More happier.

That's like a full-size mustache, but it looks small because he's got a big head. He had a regular-sized mustache, but he had a huge head. Normal guy, that would be like his hair. That tiny mustache. But that's his... Very silly. Follicles. I didn't even notice that about him. Big head. I don't think he has a

specifically big head. This guy's notes. This guy took some detailed notes. Maybe that wasn't about Charlie Chaplin. Maybe it was just about the guy in front of him, and he couldn't see the movie. Yeah, he couldn't see anything. Gotta remember not to sit behind this guy again. His whole question sheet is like,

I couldn't see the movie, there's a guy in front of me with a huge head. Goodbye. I think this guy could benefit from dandruff shampoo. Down in front, the Charlie Chaplin story. You got a weird thing on your neck. You make a better thing on your neck. You make a better door than a window.

Heard a lot of organ grinding and saw this guy's ears. In addition to overords that are written in, we also accept phoned in overords. If you want to call us, you know the number. Look up the name. It is 206- Yeah, look us up in the book. It is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hello, this is Nick from North Carolina, and I have an overseen. I was at a break room filling up a snack machine when I looked over to my left,

and I saw a cleaning lady going through all the refrigerators, pouring out a teeny little sip of each person's drink into her own two liter, making herself the most amazing mixed up special graveyard you've ever seen. So she might have been like a giant hummingbird just dressed as a cleaning lady who was just looking for sweet. Yeah. Sweet waters. Like taking the tiniest bit so no one would notice. Yeah. Like a hummingbird would do, right?

Just take a little bit. They're notoriously clever. Yeah. She had a two liter. Like that's a big water bottle. Yeah. And like what was the get there? I just got something that tastes like something

Yeah I'm tired of water, I just want a little something I want something that will dehydrate me How many, there must have been a lot of bottles in there for it to fill up a two liter Yeah Yeah Gross, but great I wonder if that guy who fills up the snack machines ever makes himself like a monster chocolate bar by breaking it into little pieces

You lick it and stick it together. The old lick and stick. It's a Snicko Henry big. That's only two. Three. There are also Smarties in there but I couldn't put it in the name.

He took me a bit off guard when he said he was in a break room and then it became clear that he was making a delivery and filling a thing. He must have to say working hard or hardly working so many times in a day. Oh, yeah. Like, that's got to be... You should just write it on a shirt so that he doesn't have to say it. Did you know that if they're filling the vending machine, you can haggle?

That's not true. I've had it happen I'll suck your dick exactly how did you know that's where that shit was going there's no other way to do it can I trade you a massage for them skittles over there the guy's like

he's like looking on the machine later where's the sucky dick off How many high fives Do I have to give you to get Some life savers Sometimes I feel like a nut Those chips are stuck Next phone call

Hey Dave and Graham and probable gift I have a An overseen This is Abe from Alabama. Hi, Abe. I was at Panera, which is sort of a sandwich place, chain. And the guy's name who was working the cash register, his name was Ramsey Duck.

And I thought that was hilarious. His name was Ramsey Duck. And I thought that was hilarious. He's not wrong. Ramsey Duck is a really lazy children's book author. His name was Ramsey Duck. Okay, the character's a duck now. The character's a duck.

What kind of lessons would Ramsey Duck have to be swearing in a kitchen? Yeah. How to haggle with a vending machine repairman. A lot of this week's phone didn't overheard. We're like, you know, six or seven out of ten. No, I like Ramsey Duck. It was hard to pick a favorite this year.

Or this week. This year. Again, this year. Dave's really got his eye on the prize. This is the last one. This is the last podcast of the fiscal year. Yeah, that's right. That's true.

We've got to do our pod taxes. Your annual general meeting. Yeah, oh, that's, oh, the general meeting. The AGM. Ramsey Duck's going to be there. He's going to get laid off. Probably Ramsey Duck. I feel a little bit bad for the guy who writes the AV Club Podmass column

who's got to come up with a different way of saying the overheard spell flat this week. As long as he includes the quote Ramsey Duck, I think then it's a win-win. It's a win-win-win-win-win. Here's the final overheard. Hey, guys. This is Jason from Ames, Iowa. We were at the zoo a little bit ago, and we were at the bear exhibit looking at bears. And this little kid, probably about eight years old, looked up to his mom and said,

Sure is a good thing bears don't know how to use fire. And then she just looked down at him and they walked away. He didn't even answer. He's been answering weird questions all day. Why is it a good thing they don't know how to use fire? Are they in a wooden cage? Well, I mean, look. If they lit a fire in there, then a

zookeeper would have to go in and put it out. And that's when the bear jumps on him. Yeah, prison riots start. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Every time. Do we know how to use fire? We know how to abuse it.

If someone gave you a bunch of fire for your birthday, a gift card for fire, how would you use it? Take this to the fire store. I have very little occasion to use fire. Literal fire. I use heat. Yeah, sure. I use... You use byproducts of fire.

Yeah. But, you know, if fire's there, I'm not going to use it. I'm going to put it out. I feel like... When you buy a heater, it says modified fire ingredients. They contain ingredients that may or may not have been in contact with fire at some point. Sometimes you get it from a fire-free factory. Yeah.

Sure. It's so hard to find. People with fire allergies. Yeah. Bringing us down. All them fire allergy kids can't send my kids to school with a fire sandwich anymore. Can't even toast a grilled cheese sandwich. Can't even grill it.

No roasted nuts. I think I used fire a lot more when I was a cigarette cheese sandwich. Can't even grill it. No roasted nuts. I think I used fire a lot more when I was a cigarette smoker. I feel like ever since then I've never carried a lighter because, you know, I'm not melting pens together, which I think I did in high school.

So fun. Franken-pen. Do you have a pen? The world's biggest pen. Do I? How about these 14 pens I melted together? How do you write with it?

Whichever way you want. Oh, it's useless. I was filling up a machine in a break room and a cleaning lady was taking a little bit from everybody's pen. Melting them together. Did you guys ever used to make those pen skewer crossbows?

Oh, yeah. Where you'd haul it out of the pen and you'd put a pencil, and then you cut a rubber band in half? Let me tell you this. No. I used to fill milk jugs with water and then shoot them into them. You would have done

very well in the Hunger Games. Yeah. Tiny crossbows. The idea of melting a pen, I've never heard that before. Oh, that was a thing that teenagers would really... You join them. Yeah, you join them.

You join them human centipede stuff. When you... In your childhood homes, did you have a fireplace? Yes. That's all the pyromania I needed. I would set up a little fire. I would position the two-liter milk carton in such a way that all the fire would spew out, or all the smoke would spew out of the top of the milk carton.

Why were you, what? I just liked fire. Yeah, but why were you, those things have like plastics on it and wax. No, no, no. Yeah, a little bit of wax, sure I remember we used to be able to like, we'd go to the corner store We'd just like buy matches because they were five cents And like to a kid, you're like, should I buy a candy? Why were they selling you matches?

That was an old guy, he didn't know He thought we were bringing him home to dad Kids gotta learn about fire sometimes We just had matches Yeah, and it was just so, like, because you'd have fire, and then you'd be like, this is so awesome. But then it's true, because you'd be like, I don't know what to do with it. Let's melt a pen, I guess. Like, you don't know.

I don't want to get in too much trouble. You have it. But I like burning stuff. Yeah. On the first day when I moved into this place, right out in front of the gates to the courtyard, somebody had lit a jacket on fire and that was a couple teenagers. Nice. And here's your eviction notice.

Burning jacket. Yeah, that's the cause of the eviction. Stop burning your jackets on the lawn. They thought there was a ghost in the jacket. They were trying to kill it. That's no way to kill a ghost. The only way to kill a ghost is to find a jacket it had in life and burn it.

Put it on the ghost and then burn it. How do you know if the ghost is wearing it? You never know. Oh, it'll float around. We also, we do a segment sometimes called Drunk Dials. Oh, yeah. I think it's going to be kind of a short segment this week. But if you have a, if you're ever drunk, if you have ever consumed alcohol and you you don't want to

call an ex-girlfriend or call your boss something on fire yeah you don't want you don't want to arsonize i have some matches five cents um throw them at your friend what you should do right now as you're listening put our phone number into your phone uh it is 206-339-8328 so that when you're drunk, you can just give us a call instead of calling someone you might regret. Here is the theme song for the drunk dials. When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. I'm just kidding. Never tasted liquor either. But one day when I grew up, put two and two together.

Drunk Dials. Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drunk Dials. Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Dials. Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drunk Dials. Drunk Dials.

And we're just going to play one of them. Oh, sure. This is just at random. Yeah, it's just a random one from a couple months ago. Graham and Dave! It's Ivan Decker drunk dialing on Valentine's Day. Well, actually, it's not Valentine's Day. It's about almost 1 o'clock in the morning.

The next day, whatever day that is. Valentine's Day plus one, which is what the military calls it. B-Day plus one. Like the D-Day when they won Germany. I want you to know that I slept with my contacts in last night

and I took them out this morning and then I put them back in after sleeping for about an hour after that. And now it's one o'clock and it feels like my eyes are on fire and the fire is made of broken glass. But don't worry, I'll be fine.

Hey, there's a piece of driftwood indoors near me right now and I always thought that that's a piece of driftwood indoors near me right now and I always thought that that's a weird thing people find wood on the beach and they don't even make it into a thing like a table they're just like hey wood

why don't you be inside for a while okay bye that was Ivan Decker calling us on Valentine's night who's that guy early on February 15th yeah the Ides of February

oh wow thanks Ivan no problem guys that driftwood bit I don't remember anything about that yeah when I heard that

when you said you had a little bit of pause before you said you slept with your your your secretary. It's true.

I said, when I thought, I was like, did I just tell him? I slept with my boss. Bye. Slept with? My contact lens is in. That was for dramatic. Even when I'm drunk, I know how to build the sculpt. Yeah, exactly.

Sculpt the storyline. Or just a sculpt. Now, Ivan, you're a funny young man. Let's wrap up the show with ten minutes of your stand-up. All right. Hey, everybody. Who's from here? Anybody here celebrating anything?

Hey, raisins and spice. Who's doing the thing? What are you doing? What are you doing online? Where can people find out more about you, see some of your stand-up, follow you on Twitter? You have anything coming up? All these things. Plug away.

I have a Twitter account, which is just my name, Ivan Decker. How did you get that? Old people tweeted at me. You know, last time you were on your Twitter account was IV4NDecker, right? It's true, which was, I received heavy criticism from people. They were like, what are you, a hacksaw from the 90s? I was like, fine. I was making my name.

Were you downloading Juarezwares? Yes, I was downloading Juarez. So it's just at Andecker. And Juarez, which is the Spanish version. Spelled J-U-A-R-E-Z. Yeah, Andecker is my name. And that is the Twitter account, just at Ivan Decker. For shows, I now have started doing a monthly show at Café Montmartre.

On Main Street in Vancouver. And actually, Graham, you will be appearing on the next show. That's right. Which is April 24th. Over my dead body. Dave, we had this discussion. That's right. And it's fun. It's a show where I do

some stand-up guests. Impressions. And I co-host it with a friend of mine, a very funny Mr. Peter Carloon of sketch comedy fame. And also there's improv and sometimes videos and sketch. And the whole thing only lasts about an hour and

15 minutes. So it's not one of those stand-up shows where you go, and you're like, I love comedy! And then three hours later, you're like, I'm being held hostage! I hate comedy. Why did I ever leave the house? I hate everyone. Why won't they bring me my bill?

They just keep filling up my water. Yeah! With ice cubes, for some reason. I just want real water. And also, I've been plugging on the show the last couple weeks that I'm doing a recording of a special at the Waldorf. But you are also recording a special at the Waldorf. Yes, the night before. So you can go and see two.

Why not? Yeah, May 16th. Yes, the night before. So you can go and see two. Why not? Yeah, May 16th. Yes, May 16th, the Wednesday. And you can get tickets at brownpapertickets.com brownpapertickets.com And I'm also headlining at the Vancouver Comedy Mix the second weekend in

June. Not too shaggy. It wasn't me. Not too shaggy It wasn't me I haven't had a rather good Yeah, I mean if she walks in with you With her in the shower She even caught me on camera

It wasn't me I guess the message of that was to deny no matter what Yeah, picture us, we were both buck naked Begging in the bathroom floor Why were you not in bed? I had to suspect that she had given her an extra key. All the time I was standing there, she never had her eyes on me. Automation!

Oh my daddy, oh my daddy, bah! It wasn't me. Small monadic with rationality, bah! That's racist. I don't know, Shaggy. That's not... I just don't understand him. It's got nothing to do with the color of his body.

Weird. Dave, anything you want to plug? Here's the thing. There is a group on Facebook called Bring Stop Podcasting Yourself to Chicago. Oh, wonderful. We went to Toronto recently. We would love to go to Chicago. The group isn't doing well, and I think that's probably because we have never mentioned it on the air.

We keep forgetting, but if you live in Chicago and you'd like to see us there, if more people join this group, we will try to organize a thing where we take an airplane. We fly to Chicago Midway. Yeah, we take the Overtrain, whatever it's called. What's the train there? Deep Dish Train. Yeah, we take the Deep Dish. Yeah, we hang out outside the giant bean.

The giant reflective bean. The big bean. Yeah, we go to Wendy Incorporated. Yeah, we go to the big Herman Mudge's murder mansion. These are all things we would love to do. Speaking of checking out things online, if you want to catch

like a recap of the whole episode in blog form, in pictures and videos, et cetera, you can go to MaximumFun.org and there shall be. What do you think? Pictures and videos that relate to this? Oh, yes.

Cliffhanger. Certainly, probably the video of It Wasn't Me by Shaggy. Oh, at least. Now, you mentioned, Graham, that you have your special. Yeah, May 17th. At the Waldorf.

And you've been, in the last couple episodes, asking people to email us for ticket information. Yes, and now I can tell you it's at brownpapertickets.com. I'll post a link in this episode's recap. Hopefully tickets aren't sold out at this point. Well, they may be. They may be. It's a small venue. It's intimate and interactive.

Tickets are going fast. And when Graham's is sold out, you can always come over to buy Grat Show the night before. And also, speaking of shows, April 30th at the Havana is the Laugh Gallery. I guess I could safely say it's the last Monday of every month. That seems to be the slot that we've got.

Ooh, this might have been the fifth Monday of the month. Goo! So sometimes the last Monday is the fourth, sometimes it's the fifth. That's true. And my show's usually the last Tuesday of every month at Cafe Montmartre, so why not? That works out. Make it a week dose shows

over two days but yeah if you want to check that out eastvancomedy.com is where you can learn more of those things

and you guys Ivan thank you so much for being our guest are you kidding me I had such a great time are you kidding me we had such a great time I was kidding

no I wasn't. You're the best guys. If you like the show, tell your friends. And come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.