Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 216 - Moshe Kasher

Episode Date: May 8, 2012

Comedian and author Moshe Kasher returns to talk about book readings, zombie hunting, and hipster racism.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 216 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a guy who really loves May the 4th because he gets to say that thing. And then tomorrow is Mayo De Cinco and then Ocho De Cinco is later on in the month. So it's his favorite month of all, Mr. Dave Shumka.

Yep. May the 4th, everybody. Right? For movies. the month so it's his favorite month of all mr dave shumka yep may the fourth everybody right for uh movies may the fourth for sci-fi uh yeah right may the fourth be with you may the fourth be with you nailed it um and uh our guest today a third time returning guest we call that the charm. Yeah, right? Such a funny... A strikeout. Funny young man. An author now. An author before, but the book hadn't come out. Now it's come out. It's everywhere. He's doing book tours. He's doing signings. He's

working on a one-man show. He's doing podcasts. He's doing podcasts. He's spreading the word. He is Mr. Moshe Kasher. Hi, everybody. Hello. Why did I say everybody everybody there's only two of you hi guys you bet you're a broadcaster yeah that's true hello to all of the lovely fans out there yeah i was saying just before we started recording that women have been coming up to me recently saying i have a really sexy radio voice oh nice is that true yeah is it true um it sounds

like something like if i was sending a request over the air to a girl that I liked, that's the type of voice I would like to send it. Can you please say, hey, Tiffany, Graham is sorry about... Sorry about your car. Yeah. Hey, Tiffany, you're tuning in to 90.7. Graham wants to let you know he's sorry about the car. Is that right?

Yeah. This is the Bahaman. When I... Let's get to know us yeah why did i try to make up with tiffany by she hates that song she always told me to turn it off uh is it me running so man or just bahaman i think it's the bahaman not the bahaman is it the bahaman Bahaman. I think it's the Bah-ha-man, not the Bah-ha-man. Is it the Bah-hi-man? Now, Moshe, tell us the name of your book, because it's got this fantastic

title that's like that kind of a two-parter title. Yeah, it's called The Bahaman Man Story. The Story of the Bah-ha-man. Demon Arch-Lord Nemesis Bahaman. The name of the book, well, it's a book about my destroyed childhood and all the mess that I was when I was a kid. And it's called Cashier in the Rye, the true tale of a white boy from Oakland who became a drug addict, criminal, mental patient, and then turned 16. Pretty great.

Right? That's how you do a title. Yeah. Hunger Games, Schmunger Games is what I say. Now, the Hunger Games. Is that the movie about Kobayashi, the competitive eater in Japan? Yes. Well, that couldn't have gone better as far as I'm concerned.

So, book tours. Weird? Fun? I feel like you've probably talked a lot about the actual content of your book on other podcasts, but you maybe did those before the book tour started. Right. So, yeah, have you ever done anything like this before? No, it's a unique experience. You know, I definitely noticed on this tour that people are coming out specifically to see me more than ever before. And so that's really heartening and nice. And somebody actually brought me gummy candy to a show. Oh, that's awesome. That's never happened before.

Like a person heard, I think it might have been this podcast. Did I talk about gummy candy on this podcast? It's entirely possible. If any podcast, this would have been the one to really get down to the nitty-gritty of what kind of candies you like the nummy gummy because i can tell you that on i tell people this the legendary 7-eleven on barard street in vancouver canada is the greatest gummy candy that i've ever experienced in my life so somebody brought you gummy candy somebody brought me gummies and i thought that was the sweetest thing in the world.

Literally. Now is that the Kobe Yard? Kill me. It's been cool, man. And I was saying that I've started doing this hour show that's specifically wrapped around the narrative of the book. It's not the whole book. It's one of the stories from the book, but it's sort of stretched out into this new hour show, which is fun.

And it has like a kind of sincere, heartfelt ending. And it's, I've been really enjoying doing it. And now, like, I've seen photos of you at these book readings and stuff. And you're signing books. Yeah. And I don't know the last time, like I wrote anything by hand, but I'm pretty sure those muscles have gone away completely. Are you writing messages to people like, hey, thanks for reading the book, sincerely? You know, it depends on how they look. Go on. I mean, if she's fine, I'm like, at Moshe Kasher, tweet at me, girl.

If she's not fine, I'm like, MySpace me. No, usually, i don't know i usually depending on if i have some information to to give them i'll give them a little note but usually if they say they listen to my podcast i say thanks for fucking with the champs and uh other than that it's pretty much just a heart and a mosher casher signature but that's worth a lot have you absolutely when you uh earlier in your life when you were first first, you know, had to sign things, did you ever practice your signature? Like, have your signatures, both of you, all of us, all of us, ask yourself, gone through

incarnations? Because I had to sign a check today, and I was really embarrassed at, like, I had the same signature I had when I was 14. Oh, yeah. The s in my last name is a dollar sign i did i it's like those emails that are still left over from childhood it's like you know dot only one at aol.com whatever it looked terrible yeah uh rave i used to yeah gray emanator etc i noticed a lot of uh athletes would add their number to a uh signature so i would do that as well did you have a number two yeah i have i've worked deeply on my signature if anybody's ever gotten a signature from me they know is that true is it

pretty intense yeah there was do you mix it up for, like, your personal signature and your public signature? No, no, no. I am only a public figure at this point. So people can forge documents. Even the bank teller goes, oh, shit, is that you? Is that number 24 Mocha Cash? Yeah, why did you put a heart on this? This is an illegal document.

Because I'm Jewish and I love banks. put a heart on this this is an illegal document because i'm jewish and i love banks um there was a when i was a kid there was a like a child's author that came to our school and he signed everybody's book and in the o in his name he drew like a swastika yeah and it was like what inappropriate you're a child author author. You're eight years old. But then you go, you look at the title of the book, and it was The Very Long Train Trip. And you're like, oh, boy. He would draw a little picture, like a cartoon of his face in the O. And I was like, that would have taken a long time to kind of...

Right? Like, that's a conscious i'm gonna make this part of my signature yeah unless he had like did he look like a smiley face it was from that mr happy uh book series do you guys remember oh yeah mr mr man the mr mr man yeah he was the guy ben stillarring Ben Stiller. Right. It's Penn Teller. I'm thinking of the Bahaman. Bahaman?

Starring Ben Stiller as Bahaman, the demon lord, and the smiley face guy as the Nazi author for children. There's my radio voice. Yeah, sexy. Yeah, now telliffany that i'm sorry about letting her car tiffany if you're listening right now graham would like to send you a special dedication and tell you he's sorry about the car he didn't mean to go poo-poo in the front seat it's the bahamas um so uh like i've only been dave have you ever been to a book reading and signing yeah yeah which one have you ever been to a cat gathering yeah yeah i haven't yeah not me

um what kind of crowd is it is it uh is it very quiet? Right. So the first thing, I reached out to my friend Bucky Sinister, who is a friend of Baham and the Demon Overlord. Now, Bucky is a comedian, but mostly he's an author. San Francisco? Yeah, you know him? Yeah, he was on what used to be called The Sound of Young America a few times. Sure, right. He's a poet. And he talks like this, kind of, hey, it's me, Bucky.

And I reached out to Bucky, and I was like, Bucky, meow. No, I was like, Bucky, meow, me, Bucky, meow. And then we just did barnyard noises for hours. And you're like, man, this long distance bill is going through the roof, but it was worth it. And I was like, you know, just asked him for feedback or whatever, what I should do. And he's like, the first thing you need to know is that book crowds don't laugh like comedy crowds and you've got to get into that you have to just accept

that and I have such a muscle memory as a comedian that when people don't laugh when I think they should I go I'll do the thing that comedians do like oh that one's actually really funny you missed that one and they're just like well you know they're busy like adjusting their ascots or whatever so they're quieter but they're you know because they're And they're just like, well, you know, they're busy like adjusting their ascots or whatever. Yeah.

So they're quieter, but they're, you know, because they're listening. They're like kind of, mmm. Yeah. Meow. Meow. Bark. Bark. Bark.

Bark. We're at the bark store, et cetera. As opposed to the Mac store? No, the book store. The bark store. Meow. You just got it? I'm an idiot. to the Mac store?

No, the bookstore. The box store. You just got it? I'm an idiot. And, like, do you do jokes, like stand-up jokes in the thing, or do you just go up and read from it? I'll do some little banter and stuff. You know, I guess because I've noticed

that they laugh less, I tend to read stories that are a little bit more serious at the book signings and then do the kind of more comedy-based stories from the book at these live shows. Which I don't know if it's a mistake or not, but that's what I've been doing. That seems really surreal to have people sit there and just, like, listen to you talk and not expect punchline after punchline. Yeah, they do laugh, but they're not there to laugh.

They're there to listen. So it's just a different kind of thing. That'sline. Yeah, they do laugh, but they're not there to laugh. They're there to listen. So it's just a different kind of thing. That's crazy. Yeah, it's been interesting. Yeah. But now, like, do you love it? Or are you like, it's okay, but I still like Comedy Club better? I enjoy the shows that I've been doing more than the readings that I've seen.

A couple of them have been really great. My opening was at Barnes & Noble in L.A. That was really good. Yeah. Woo! Shout out at Barnes & Noble in LA. That was really good. Shout out to Barnes & Noble, BNN.com. They've been good to me, actually, Barnes & Noble. They've got no reason to be bad to you? No, but you know. They don't make a lot of enemies, do they?

Well, I don't know. Yeah, they shut down small bookstores. Yeah, but. I mean, you're not their competition. No, that's true. But if somebody murdered Barnes & Noble, and it was like a law and order kind of thing, it'd be like, did they have any enemies?

Right. Or if... Mama Pop Jenkins bookstore. Or if Barnes... Just Barnes. Then Noble's, I think. Noble would be the prime suspect. Mr. Noble, I presume.

Actually, Mrs. Noble. Oh, is that right? No, I have no idea. But I'm just trying to strike a blow for women's rights. Actually, Mrs. Noble. Oh, is that right? No, I have no idea. But I'm just trying to strike a blow for women's rights. Yeah, absolutely. It could have been two ladies that starred in it. Oh, yeah. Shout out to the HBO show Girls.

Yeah, absolutely. Written and directed by Ms. Noble from Barnes & Noble. Congrats. She's done a lot in one lifetime. Shout out to the Beastie Boys song Girls. We lost a great Beastie Boy today. Yeah, we did. The MCA passed away today. Rest in

peace. I was thinking... This was supposed to be a happy May the 4th. Sorry. I was thinking, in tribute to the Beastie Boys, we could try, when we talk, to say the last word of the sentence all together. Okay. I like where you're going with this.

Wait, do it again. I have irritable bowel syndrome. Yeah, that's fun. Felt like you let us into that a little bit, though. There's not too many phrases where you know the last word is going to be. It'd be cool if we got it wrong. You're like, I have irritable bowel. Tonka truck.

No. Meow. if we got it wrong. You're like, I have irritable bowel. Tonka truck? No. Meow? That was their worst selling tonka truck. Of all of them. It was a dump truck. Yeah, an irritable bowel tonka truck would just be one that you put into your ass and be like,

this is irritating my bowels quite a bit. So rest in peace, MCA. That's a fitting tribute to a lost Beastie Boys. Oh, man. We're the worst. And is anything else going on? Are you on this book tour?

Are you touring around? What else is happening in a Moshe Kasher's world? Did I hear you were going to your former school? I did do that, yeah. It was a mistake. Was it your middle school? Yeah, the whole school. Claremont Middle School is like a big character in the book. It's a mistake. Was it your middle school? Yeah, the whole school, the Claremont Middle School is like a big character in the book.

It's like a lot of this stuff takes place in Claremont, and I really rip it to shreds. And I went back to Claremont to go read to the students there, which they were totally happy that I was there, and they were loving it. The McDonald's. Like the students? Yeah, the students were...

Loving it. You're a Beastie Boy. students yeah the students were about that that that love and yeah so but they were I just realized as soon as I started reading this is so unbelievably inappropriate to be reading to these kids and they were all recording me on their iPods on their iPhones and I was like oh this is how teachers straight up get fired you know I mean this is the way that it works yeah but uh it doesn't matter to me yeah but is uh did it like did anybody afterwards like say oh that was a mistake or something they all seemed pretty into it but the that school has had 10 principals this year or something like that whoa so it's like a big mess my friend who's a math teacher there no my friend is the 10th math teacher there this year and the four there's four been four principals so you can see the math 14 so you can see how destroyed that

school is and like uh was it somebody that you knew from when you went there that invited you no it was like kind of a random coincidence that he happened to work there when i put the book out and was like you got to come and um another crazy coincidence was how I just made out with a lot of the kids. That is a coincidence. Because I used to do that so much, so very much. So you were like, if anybody would like to see what I did. What I've been up to, how my skills have sort of upgraded over the years. And it was weird, definitely.

I mean, it's weird, yeah. Do you feel you've gotten better at making out with kids? I feel like I've gotten better at making out with 13-year-olds since I was 13. You know what I mean? I feel like the idea of just making out with kids, while it may not technically be a crime, is grosser than the actual crime. Than fucking them? I think actually it is a crime.

Yeah, I think making out with... I don't think that they'd be like, slap on the wrist. I have thought a lot about that actually how much you know hours a day you know when you hear about those weird creepy teachers that start dating their like progeny or whatever yeah yeah and then not the word okay yeah because progeny like dating their children their kids their kids yeah well no that's what i was talking about what are you guys i'm talking about that you don't know what i mean i mean that yeah dating

their students but like you know like there was that famous case of the of the guy that started dating his some student and then they were together but not together until she turned 18 and then they got married oh so is it illegal to date an underage person? And just like go to the mall shop. Yeah, and not have sex with them. Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. I think if you didn't actually...

It was so strange and crazy. It's gross. But it's kind of okay? Oh, no, but I think there's a law where if you bought alcohol for the kid that's not what we're talking about but you said dating right i assume at some point does always include alcohol well it depends on what side of the tracks you're from uh i think there's probably a way to make that like the, the parents have to have a say in it.

So you feel like it's probably illegal? It's probably... I think the parents can say, don't hang out with our kid anymore. And if you disobey them, then it's illegal. Right. Moshe is opening a beverage. Do you need a bottle opener? Once again...

Oh, I don't... No, this one twists up. Once again... Last time you were here, we got you some weird drinks And there's some more weird drinks Right now I'm taking a sip Of a soda company Called Sip

It's a lavender, lemon peel Natural craft soda To me that sounds great Now the last time Oh You know what That sounded refreshing in my... Yeah.

Let me sip it. How did you make it do that? Glug, glug. Last time you had something from that brand and you said it tasted just like water. This is pretty watery. I have to tell you, this tastes a bit like lavender lemon peel water. So it's like the water that somebody put their plants in. Yeah.

You're drinking vase water. Yeah. But it's pretty good. Yeah. I mean, it would be good in like if you had some gin maybe, but I think it would overwhelm the taste of the sip. Sure. You need some handcrafted gin that really tastes quite weak. Yeah, unless you had some lemon lavender gin.

Has anybody ever had anything like that? Bathtub or toilet? Or a moonshine or something like that. Toilet moonshine? Yeah, toilet moonshine. Pruno. In prison, they make toilet beverages. Is it called Pruno?

Pruno, yeah. Do you guys know how to make it? No. I know how to make it. You put fruit in a plastic bag. Very good. So here's what you do. You take the fruit juice that you get from the cafeteria, and you put it into a bucket.

Yeah. And then you cover it, and then you get sugar, and you pour tons and tons and tons of sugar into it. Packets from the... I guess, yeah, from the cafeteria. From the Tim Hortons in the prison. That's right. And if there's not enough sugar, you go to some white boy and you'll be like,

hey, white boy, give me your sugar. And then the white boy will be like, no. Meow. And you're like, oh, shit, I'm sorry. You're a cat. I thought I was talking to a white boy. Give me your saucer of milk. Give me some of that meow mix.

Give me some yarn. Guys, quick TV show pitch. Oz, but with animals. Ooh, I do like it. Actually, they're doing House, but with animals this upcoming season. I'm not kidding.

What do you mean, they? Who? You know. The Baja Men. So, are you serious? No, you're joking around. I'm not joking. Who's playing playing house there's i don't remember but greyhound is it an episode of house or is it a completely different series no it's about wait

house is about a doctor right yeah so it's about a veterinarian who solves unusual okay no literally we were both thinking you were talking about they're doing house but it's like dogs are the... A Weimaraner plays house. Well, have you considered that it might be Munchausen syndrome? No! Who let the dogs out? The wolf always thinks it's lupus. Oh, that is what I was thinking. I was thinking they were going to do an episode where all the characters are played by dogs. That would be perfect. He's got a limp.

But like, House, the way the show works is House, he always gets weird patients that he has to diagnose. Dog house? Animal house. Yes. He has to

diagnose these people, and it takes him like like 10 tries and at the end of the episode he finally gets the diagnosis right but you know like oh it's worms yeah it's always worms or it was hit by a car i think my horse broke its leg it's like like, I finally solved it, but I will still have to put it to sleep because it's not worth the money to cure this patient. Oh, dog heads. Where were we talking about before we got on that? Something. We were on some kind of track.

I know. I'm making it with 13-year-olds? No, I think we moved up from that. As fast as possible. It was something good, though. You're right. Yeah, there was something. And I interrupted it with a soda. No, but people are listening and they're like, no, that...

I wish I could scream in your faces. It's fine. Don't worry. You know what? If it's meant to be, it'll come back. Yeah, that's what they say. If you discuss something and it was meant to be, if you set it free, it will come back to thee. You remember? I think that's a Sting song.

Well, what's going on with you, Dave? What's new and exciting? Well, before we talk about me, Moshe looks like he wants to open a second beverage. What's this one? Okay, right now I'm opening something called Real Brew Outrageous Ginger Ale. It says outrageous on it and then in french it says soda ginger extravagant i don't think that needs any translation oh refreshment

oh my god oh my god Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That is outrageous. Actually, that's really good. Is it? Yeah, this one's really... It's extravagant. What brand is that? It's Real Brew. Congratulations, Real Brew.

I think, yeah, it's straight up delicious. Are you a ginger ale fan normally? I am. I like ginger ales a lot. In fact, what I really like is Jamaican ginger juice. Have you ever had that? Ginger beer? No, it's like a Jamaican.

Well, that's a thing. But if you find a good Jamaican restaurant, they make a juice with honey and maybe a little pineapple. But it's almost undrinkable. It's so strong. Like so strong ginger-wise? Yeah. Oh, wow. It's extremely hot.

I like that. This isn't that hot but it's it's outrageous yeah well we could all sense your outrage yeah that's right i like it very good real brew good good work all right that's the front runner um dave what's going well uh not a heck of a lot but i did see something uh this week that i enjoyed um Growing up, did either of you ever have a lemonade stand? I don't know. Was that just something in comic books? We couldn't afford it.

Because I never did it, and I never saw it, but I think I once tried to sell a bunch of my old toys just outside of my house. I had a Jamaican ginger stand. You would have liked it. It's a little spicy. The other day, Abby and I were walking the dog and there were... We were letting the dog out.

So you let the dog out. I am Bahaman. Master of canine. We were walking past this house and these two... Dog house house it was a human house it was a uh regular human house but the uh garage was under construction and so there's like dirt and mud around and a couple of kids were standing there and they had taken a bunch of mud into a bucket and uh they they put up a sign that said zombie hunting goop

ten dollars and ninety nine cents oh jewish children those are my people right there very good how to make something from nothing zombie hunting goop yep you got to give them points for originality but the problem is you want to go give them money, but you don't want to take mud from them. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't want to give them money. You don't feel like, aww. Well, first of all, $10.99. Oh, that's really expensive.

You're right. But they might have some premium zombie hunting goop. And it doesn't say how much you get. Do I get the whole bucket? And also, is Gwyneth Paltrow, is she affiliated with this go get the whole bucket and also is gwyneth paltrow is she affiliated with this group at all is this a gwyneth paltrow project right her goop newsletter um do you know of that no paltrow has she connected to goop or zombies goop she has a blog that's called goop which stands for good old gwyneth something something paltro. Gwyneth good old octoroon pussy.

I shouldn't say that. Octoroon? Yeah. That's the word I have a problem with. Oh, man. I think those are some, yeah, you live in a neighborhood with some very enterprising young folks. But what do you use to hunt? You don't want to hunt zombies, for one thing.

You generally want to run from them. It sounds like you don't want to hunt zombies, for one thing. You generally want to run from them. It sounds like you don't want to hunt zombies. You're right. And these kids are pretty courageous. That's true. Like, there's going to have to be, in the zombie apocalypse, there's going to have to be people who are running and people who are hunting.

Like, there's going to have to be people who go on the offensive. It's not going to be all of us running all the time. Well, let me throw something into this discussion to see if this colors the dynamic here at all. But there is not going to be a zombie apocalypse because zombies are not real. Well, what were these kids on about that is my question. Okay, okay. You know what?

You're right. Like, I mean, I don't want to say that you're calling these kids liars, but it sounds like what you're implying. Also, there was like an older brother and a younger brother that were selling it, so I have a feeling that the $10 would go to the older brother and the 99 cents was just tacked on for the... He has done nothing. Nothing. He collects the raw materials for the goop.

And then we walked by later, and the sign was still up, but the kids weren't there, and so I could have just stolen this goop. Oh, they'd given up on it. They were done. They were like that duck hunter show we were watching earlier. Duck Dynasty? Yeah, they made all their... They made their fortune in zombie... Yeah, Zombie Goo Dynasty, and they're done with it.

I thought you meant they were like the dog from Duck Hunter? Who comes up and laughs at you? They're like the dog from Animal House. And Dog the Bounty Hunter and the Bahaman. Oh, that would be a good guest appearance on Dog House if Dog the Bounty Hunter came in and brought his dog. Oh, I got it. How about this?

Dog the Bounty Hunter plays, ironically, an escaped convict, and the Bahaman show up on Dog House and say, Who let the dog out? The most powerful cameo of the year. And the Emmy goes to tonight on a very special Doghouse. And the Emmy goes

to Kenny from the Bahamas. Kenny. They can't all win the Emmy. So yeah, big week sure almost bought some goop almost invested in some goop yep uh other than that not a lot you and i both saw the hunger games together yeah now is that the movie about the competitive uh that was uh i had put off That was... I had put off seeing that movie a long time. Did you guys like it?

Yeah. It was alright. A lot of talking. A lot more talking than I thought it was going to be. Yeah, a lot of preamble. Yeah, and what's his name is great. Stanley Tucci. Stanley Tucci now has Lifetime Pass because that was so great.

He was really good. Oh, he's great in everything. That's funny. Yeah, he was real good. Speaking of Japan. Thank you really good. He's great in everything. That's funny. Yeah, he was real good. Speaking of Japan. Thank you. Yeah. And movies.

Sure. Did you guys see Jiro Dreams of Sushi? No. Tell me more. Tell me all about it. It is a documentary about the world's greatest sushi chef. And he's like, I mean, the most meticulous. He's spent his whole life it's really a meditation on

uh art and do and doing what you're supposed to do and and dedication or whatever yeah my i loved it and was really turned on by it not sexually but my brother maybe a little bit i mean it is fish yeah they roll it up all phallic my brother go i said to my brother did you see this geo dreams of sushi wasn't it great and And he goes, well, yeah. But at a certain point, I was like, okay, I get it. You like sushi. Which sort of ruined the entire movie for me. I like usually the first two-thirds of a documentary, and then the last third, I'm like, okay, I get it.

Right. But this guy was definitely like you should just all i've ever done with my entire life was make sushi and that is a beautiful thing so while you're in it you're being sort of hypnotized like yeah and then you get out you're like he did just make sushi that is all that happened i mean how good could it be uh oh yeah i bet you that's really it's really driven business up right like a guy who's like, wouldn't you want to eat something from a guy who is obsessed with the thing? I don't like hyped food. Oh, really?

I don't go for breakfast anywhere people line up for breakfast. The best breakfast place in town is, like, 1% better than the 10th best breakfast place. Oh, I don't know. That is a bold statement. Yeah. I mean, I don't live in this town, so maybe you have bad breakfast, but that seems unlikely. What's the best breakfast in your town? In Los Angeles or in Oakland?

Either. My hometown, Oakland, the best breakfast in town is actually crack cocaine. Oh, yeah. Available in a lot of locations, right? Available online now. It's Stop Podcasting Yourself. What? Maximum Fun slash Stop Crack. Stop Crack. online now it's stop podcasting yourself maximum fun slash stop crack um stop crack but in in los

angeles there is a place called the griddle it's i don't know if i would say it's the best breakfast in town but it's definitely the most decadent um it's like they have like a hundred waffles and they're all each one more disgusting than the last like you know a frosted flake waffle with dolce de Leche sauce, or Captain Crunch Waffle with peanut butter and strawberries and marshmallows, and, you know, just on and on. Burdock.

A real Guy Fieri kind of experience. You know, Gummy Waffle, exclusively from the 7-Eleven on Burrard Street in Vancouver. Wow, Gummy Waffle. You would only get two bites into it, and then you're like, too much mistake. Did you ever see the Simpsons where Homer Simpson puts a handful of caramels into the waffle iron? Makes a caramel waffle, puts an entire stick of butter in the middle of it, rolls it up, and eats it like a burrito? Yeah.

They have that waffle. Do they really? No, but that would be really intense. Like a tribute to television. Yeah, yeah. The greatest waffles of television. There's a restaurant in Vancouver that just does macaroni and cheese now. Oh, really?

And it's called the Mac Shack, and you can get like 10 different kinds. 10. I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I guess. I think you feel fine about it. It's not doing me any harm. But if you only do one thing, you better be so good at it. Yeah.

Are these waffles the greatest waffles? It's like the sushi guy. They're just... I mean, they don't need to be the greatest. They're just over the top, you know? Right. They've got their thing. And people line up for hours to go there, for sure.

Really? Yeah. Huh. So I'm out. Okay. Too much hype. Too much hype. Not going there.

Yeah. You want to go to some place. A couple of kids serving breakfast on the side of the road. It's made of mud. 1099 out. Okay. Too much hype. Too much hype. Not going there. Yeah. You want to go to some place. A couple of kids serving breakfast on the side of the road. It's made of mud. 1099 breakfast. Yeah. Zombie hunting waffles. Yeah.

All right. Before we get too foodie. Yeah. Right. Graham, what's going on with you? Watching the Hunger Games. That was fun. And yesterday, my friend, Morgan Brayton, who has been on the show before.

She has two adopted children. And so she's got for the... Do they know they're adopted? Yeah, they're both. They do now. Yeah. I was listening to Stop Podcasting herself. Am I adopted?

Yeah, tune in to the dedications, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Next week on Animal House. I took her son out as a big brother thing. We went and were just goofing around in the park. And I forgot that kids love making up rules to games. Oh, yeah. And changing those rules to suit them winning the game. You're stepping on lava.

Yeah. Lava was a big part of it. And now this is lava. And now you're frozen. And now that's lava. Now that you're touching it, it's lava. It's not fucking lava, kid. It's not lava. I'm a grown man. I've never seen lava. You will never's lava. Now that you're touching it, it's lava. It's not fucking lava, kid. It's not lava.

I'm a grown man. I've never seen lava. You will never see lava in your entire life. But the greatest kind of part of the whole day was he was like the whole time he's like, now I've got lightning power. And like, okay, so he blows me up with lightning power. And then... Did he really?

Yeah, totally. It really happened? Yeah. Whoa. This kid's really powerful. and like okay so he blows me up with lightning power and then uh did he really yeah totally it really happened yeah whoa this kid's really powerful he's like from the zombie hunting group i mean he's an affiliate uh-huh yeah he's a subsidiary sure he paid the franchise fee but uh so we were running around doing that and then a couple little girls decided to come over and join. Make out with you? Yeah, absolutely. Lightning power, make out, Sash. So this is literally what happens. She comes over.

He kind of describes the essence of the game. What are the ages of these people? He is nine, and the girl that came over was, I think, seven. That's too young to make out. Yeah, sure. You're telling me. But the kid's like, i've got lightning power i've got i've got lava power and then she right away mistakes the whole thing of the game she's like i've got kissing power i was like oh i was like oh kids

girls come on don't you know how to play the game? We're playing Lava Lightning Powers. This isn't kissing. What did the kids, what did the boys say? He just, biggest eye roll, like, boy, oh boy. Girls, I tell ya. Ladies, always trying to kiss. It was, it was super, it was pretty adorable.

You know, that's the difference between men and women. Men are like lightning, women are like kissing. Yeah, it's true. When it comes to powers, we've got kind of a lava power. Sort of a lava lightning thing. And women definitely traffic mostly in the kissing power. Yeah, they just like... Girls are reaching puberty earlier. Yeah, at seven.

Yeah, so I think that's probably what it was. Sure. But it's also girls just... HBO's Girls? Yeah, HBO's girls is now seven whoa and reaching different and racist i didn't get that why was it racist oh you didn't hear about this i i heard that it was racist but i hadn't seen the show yet oh well the girls on the show in question are the same they're the grown-up girls who used to be those two

uh not neo-nazi girls the fresh and. So it's the further adventures of the girls from Prussian Blue. It wasn't that girls was racist. Have you seen the show, Graham? It said those girls are racists. Yeah, they're racists, but... Right, right, right. Have you seen it, Graham? No.

I've seen it. I really enjoy it. It's a great show. I heard it's very funny. It's very funny and very important in a weird way. It's very watch show. I heard it's very funny. It's very funny and very important in a weird way. It's very watchable. Yeah. Like, are we talking like, are you there Chelsea watchable?

It's canceled, so we can know. Oh, is it really? Did it get canceled? Yeah. Did Whitney get canceled? I saw you on Whitney. Yeah, I was on Whitney. You played a waiter.

That was pretty great. I played a waiter. Wait, you watch Whitney? I watch everything. I thought Whitney was doing really well. But I don't have the channel that girls... No, Whitney's going. That was pretty great. I played a waiter. Wait, you watch Whitney? I watch everything. I thought Whitney was doing really well. But I don't have the channel that girls... No, Whitney's going. Whitney was on the bubble.

Are you there, Chelsea? Okay, yeah. Okay. So, girls. Girls. All I really want is girls. Which is a show. They just want to have fun.

About rich white girls in New York City. Fun. Was criticized for having too many rich white girls. Oh, okay. That's the hell it was. And I guess what they said was that because it was this show that's touted to be the voice of the generation of girls, that they had a responsibility to have characters of color on the show,

which I do not buy. I don't think that the problem is that one show doesn't have people of color. The problem is that television is dominated by white people. And the problem is more that there's not a show called Indian Girls. And if there were, it would be really fucking bad. It would. You can picture the show. Next on NBC, it's Indian Girls.

What was the NBC show, Outsourced? Yeah, it would be Outsourced, but female. Sex and the City Outsourced. So I actually think it's more racist to try to impose an idealized racial utopia that doesn't actually exist onto every television show. So who was saying that this, who was this? Was it reviewers or just bloggers? It was Che Guevara. Oh, really? That guy cannot leave well enough alone. that this who was this was it reviewers or just blog it was this blogger yeah oh really yeah that guy cannot leave well enough alone that's his problem yeah so it was like yeah it was bloggers

and reviewers and you know sort of race bloggers but it's brought up this bigger in interest be a race blogger you can't turn it into a real race blog war um it's brought up a bigger more more intriguing i mean it's not intriguing because it's so stupid to me but it's like i it's brought up a bigger more more intriguing i mean it's not intriguing because it's so stupid to me but it's like i it's like a you know a dirty itch that i scratched which is everybody now wants to talk about this thing that they've coined this this nonsense term of hipster racism and that's what everybody wants to talk about is hipster racism what is hipster racism i guess i it depends on who you ask because it's become this, I've read all these blogs, it's become this kind of

weird thought police thing where bloggers, mostly white people, are blogging about it. Not only, but mostly it'll be white people lecturing other white people about what is and is not racist. I think what white people are doing is really good. I think we're doing some really good stuff. Well, I find that white people drive a car like this.

And black people? Do they drive a car like this. And black people, do they drive a car like this? Less so. So what we just did is in fact hipster racism. Oh, nuts. We just engaged in it. Oh, nuts. Which is sort of being like racy and racial in a kind of

snarky meta way and saying it's not racist because I don't mean it. And so of course all these people these people you people all you people on your blogs or whatever it is, you're signing on to the AOLs, you're logging

on and you got mail. You got mail now. I'm a mailman of America coming at you. You're a mailman? Like a postal carrier? I am a postman and I'm delivering the news that Girls is a racist show.

No, so all, they will say that, you know, that, here's where the real problem comes, because obviously there is such a thing as like sort of snarky white hipster kind of like,

oh, I can say whatever word i want and it's okay because it's uh i don't mean it because i rolled my eyes after it which i you know i get that it can be a problem i'm guilty of doing it and also of thinking it's stupid both things but here's where the problem starts for me is when when bloggers some some idiot with a blog decides what is appropriate and inappropriate to joke about. I don't need your weird thought police, especially non-comedians, talking about what's okay to joke about, what's not. I mean, they will literally line up what's okay to joke about, how you can joke. In fact, one person said you can only ever make jokes upward, right? So make things about people that are more powerful?

More powerful than you. You can never joke down. Well, why? Yeah. I can do whatever I want. right so so make things that are about people that are more powerful than you it's you can never joke down well why you see you can i can do whatever i want what am i gonna throw my whole act out now because of this blogger because of the native americans have a problem with me all of a sudden i mean i think that the thing is that the the impetus of the comedian is to be funny and real racism is not funny and so you can tell the difference but everybody like they started saying like oh no louis ck when he does his race jokes those are good those are okay but when this person but honestly if louis ck wasn't louis ck i promised that they wouldn't be blogging that

they would be saying when that obscure comedian louis ck does it that's inappropriate and racist but he's like the okay he gets literally these are the same people that would would have said that woody allen's new york is racist right because they're like there's no anybody but white people in woody allen's new york uh so he's racist so the much bigger yeah the much bigger problem is not these individual shows the problem is these buyers at these networks that aren't buying racially diverse shows from, I mean, and they are more than ever, but it's still incredibly underrepresented.

Most shows are for, about, and by white people. So go to the networks. Don't go to some, you know, Lena Dunham who wrote a show about her own life, which probably mirrors her actual social group. I doubt Lena Dunham. And what is she like like she's like 25 or

something something like that you don't meet a black person until you're like four yeah do you remember i remember when friends was on and people sort of like half-heartedly were like hey why are there no black people on friends just kidding no no black people are gonna watch this anyway next on camping. Yeah. Shall I try another soda? You're going to open a third soda. This is a Fentimans. Ooh, Fentimans.

It's like Entimans, but... Fentimans. What is Entimans? Entimans is a cake company. Yeah, a cake. Ooh. Fentimans made the burdock, weird burdock soda and dandelion from last time. If you'll recall, it tasted a bit like anise and a bit like... Anus. anus.

Okay. So this is the cherry tree cola from Fentimans with a cool dog on the, on the label. Here we go. It's a cool dog wearing sunglasses. Only cool dogs wear sunglasses and all dogs go to heaven. They do. Nice.

That should be the end of every episode. Oh, pardon me. No, go ahead. How's your sip? That's very good. Is it?

Yeah, that's... What is it? Is it cherry tree? It's a cherry tree cola. So it's a cola... It's an artisan cola made with strictly local roots. It's very good, though. Every time I need to see your face, I just close my eyes and I am taken to a place where your gentle mind

and magenta feelings stick together in the base of my spine like a chicachiri cola. I didn't know what you were doing all the way through it and at the end. I still didn't know. Maybe the breakthrough hit from Australian power duo Savage Garden. I want you. I still don't know. Did one of them die?

Savage Garden? He bathed in the ocean. He swam in the sea. Oh, yeah, but he couldn't swim. That's a problem. I don't know. I think he... Anyway, I was going to say, All Dogs Go to Heaven should be the last line of every episode of Animal House. Yeah, oh, absolutely.

And as you know, and everybody does it like the Beastie Boys. Yeah. And as we all know, all dogs go to heaven. Let's move on to some overheards. Overheard. Overheards. Things that in your general life you... Now, before we do overheards, Graham, I want to do my favorite segment on the show.

A segment that hasn't received a word of feedback yet. Which is weird for a segment. Yeah. A segment that's like 8 months old at this point Happy 8 month anniversary To the arbitrary length of time What is that, a wood or a paper? I think that is like a paper towel tube

A chafing dish Yep, a shaving dish Go on It's celebrity birthdays Today is May, I want to say the 4th be with you Yeah, absolutely Yeah. Chafing dish? Yep, a shaving dish. Go on. It's Celebrity Birthdays. Today is May, I want to say, the 4th, be with you? Yeah, absolutely. But Dave, before you do that!

Overheards. Nope, before that. Something else. My favorite segment, a segment that's keeping people informed on the whereabouts, the whatabouts, and the whoabouts of Mr. Hulk Hogan, play the theme song that somebody sent us. Nope. But before you do that, I'd just like to say the word shit pussy, just for nostalgic purposes.

All right. For all the haters out there, I'm still here, y'all. Hulk Hogan news. Yes. It seems this week Hulk Hogan sat down with the New York Post, had a conversation, had a Q&A sesh. And he says, according to him, that there's been different eras of professional wrestling, one of which was Hulkamania. Then there was your Stone Cold Steve Austin era. Then he came back as a heel, Hulk Hogan.

And now... Hollywood. He says he has the next step for pro wrestling. He's not unveiling it yet, but he says he's got something that's going to change the face of wrestling. It's a huge idea. And he's just, he's teasing us. I cannot wait.

Animal wrestling. Yeah, exactly. Starring a dog who looks like you, Laurie. Well, yeah. What animals would be good to wrestle? A kangaroo. A kangaroo, absolutely. A boar.

A boar, a gorilla. Anything that has limbs. An ostrich. That can bend like a gorilla. What about a special one-time only? It's called In the Tank, and the wrestlers have to go in the water and fight an underwater animal.

Whoa, are we doing human against animal? Oh, I assume so. Are you talking about animal versus animal? I was, but then I was thinking, what if it was animal against, to use the Canadian... As opposed to against? Animal against zombie.

And the only way to win the match would be to have bought those mud pies that you so arrogantly walked right by. But we can't do that because animals don't exist. That's true. You make a good point. Anyways, the biggest thing in wrestling is a common brace yourself. What do you think it could be?

I don't know. Easier to rip shirts. Less thread count in the shirts. Oh, brother, when I come your way, you're not going to believe what's happening. I got t-shirts with five thread count going straight down the back. You think I ripped it off before? You'll never see anything like the way I rip it off now, brother. I'm coming your way.

Wrestlers who are guaranteed to die before 40. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm tired of way. Wrestlers who are guaranteed to die before 40. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm tired of them living to 43. It's kind of like, oh, what is the movie where you turn 30 and then they... Logan's Run. Lugan's Run. Yeah.

So it's like... That's the Canadian pronunciation. Lugan's Rune. What if it was wrestling that wasn't fake? Like it was just like straight up, hey, we're going to try and hurt each other wrestling. That would be like the ultimate fighting. Championship? I don't know what you're talking about.

You know what's funny is I'm here in Canada, in Vancouver, and I'm watching Netflix streaming. But I found out this weekend that Netflix streaming in Canada is different. They have different selections. Yeah. And one of the weird things is. Not a great selection. Not a great selection in America either, but they have UFC fights, but only the ones that include a Quebecois fighter, George St. Petersburg.

Oh, wow. His entire canon of fights are available on Netflix TV in Canada. You want to read them canonically. Yeah, that's right. Watch them canonically. Read them, too. Yeah, absolutely. I'm a big fight reader. Yeah, that's right. Watch them canonically. Read them, too. Yeah, absolutely. I'm a big fight reader.

Yeah. It just goes, uh, uh, uh, uh. The teleplay. Oh, oh, oh. I saw a thing. Ow, ow, ow. That's a lot of the UFC guys. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Ow, ow, ow. Come on, dude. I said, I said, uncle. You're on my hair. Oh, it hurts. Uh, the whiny UFC fighters. Uh, it is Celebr celebrity birthday may 4th uh big happy celebrity birthday to my sister and to my niece really both on the same day and both celebrities yep famous to me uh but congratulations to your sister the cake maker cake cake bossette no

different sister different sister That just recently was married Yes Yeah Congratulations on your nuptials And your surviving Another year The zombie attack Happy celebrity birthday to

Actor Will Arnett Is 42 today Let's talk for a second About Will Arnett's hair Because I I am You think it's fake Balding in the same

No I don't But he... I just recently watched on Netflix all three seasons of Arrested Development, and at the beginning of it, he was very noticeably balding, and then he wasn't, and I don't know what he did,

but it's great. And I read online, like I was trying to see, is it plugs or a wig, or did he just change his hairstyle? And I can't find any definitive information. And he he said no plugs like he said in an interview it was no plugs no wigs so what did he do he's got a great he's got a great hair situation you know who i noticed recently uh who i hadn't seen in a while is uh uh uh robgy. Oh, really? Because he had a lot of volume.

He had Moshe Kasher-esque volume in his hair. That's true. And now it's like Kevin James-ian. Yeah, well, Kevin James had something. He did something to fix his... He was losing his hair in the first season. It's interesting that hair loss is mostly optional at this point, and yet some people just straight up don't care.

If I was losing my hair, it would be priority number one. Is that right? Yeah. Do you really think it's optional? optional at this point and yet some people just straight up don't care yeah and just if i was losing my hair it would be priority number one is that right yeah do you really think it's optional like they do you think that the the people who get it fixed like that's really expensive right it's like i mean it's optional and it doesn't look good is that right do they not kind of like at the top levels of it doesn't it not look good i don't know who are we talking about i don't know i'm trying to figure like slash from Like Slash from Guns and Roses? No, it looks brilliant. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I guess

maybe there are people that it looks so good that you never noticed. Will Arnett is somebody that I never thought about until I watched all seasons and then I was like, his hair got better as time goes on. I've also heard that David Letterman wears a hairpiece, but not an unconvincing one.

Right. He looks like he's balding, but he's actually much balder than that. Oh, interesting. Oh, he's like super bald. Yeah, he has a realistic hairpiece. Super bald. Was that Judd Apatow movie? Yeah.

Starring the guy from Powder and Jean-Luc Picard. Graduating high school and trying to get laid. Happy celebrity birthday to dead street artist Keith Haring. Oh, sure. Would be 54 today. A very special Christmas to you. There was a, what do you call it? A Google Doodle.

He would have only been 54? Yeah, he died when he was 31. What? In 1990. Wow. He got that HIV, right? Yeah, he died when he was 31. What? In 1990. Wow. He got that HIV, right? He got the hives. Yeah.

He got like four hives. I'm assuming that's how he died. I don't think it is. Because anyone who died in New York in the late 80s died from HIV. Or stabbings. Or full-blown AIDS. Yeah, but there was also stabbings back then. Subways.

That's true. No, but he had AIDS. He was stabbed in a subway. Okay. By a sandwich artist. By a used needle. Yeah. Shaped like a man's penis.

It's only now that we can laugh about it. Happy celebrity birthday to Britney Spears' mom, Lynn Spears. We wish she had caught AIDS long before she had Britney. Hey. How old is she? 57. Hey. How old is she? 57. Wow. And Britney is 31.

One time I was killing time before I was going to see a movie, and I read her entire book. She has a book? Lynn Spears' book. Oh, brother. I feel bad for you. It's called Oh, Brother. Yeah, it's like, bleh. Yeah, it literally is like one of those things that you get out of a cereal box where the picture changes,

and it's just a mirror of you rolling your eyes. And the answer to this week's Celebrity Birthday Trivia Question, this singer and boy band member was the first man in space. Neil Armstrong. Lance Bass. Oh! He's 33 today. First man in space. He never made it. He was the first man ever to go to space. Oh, I get it.

He tried to commercially... He tried to be a cosmonaut. Yeah, he like went in the cosmonaut program so he could go into space, but he never made it. No. Because, yeah, he... The challenger blew up excuse me uh lance please to come in here uh it says in paper you are member of band in sync that's right i'm sorry we cannot have you in space and look bad for us we need you here here, owner. We are Backstreet Boy fans. We thought you were

AJ McLean. Overheard, everybody. Now, this is a segment where you overhear things. Yeah, sure. Then you... You're going to. You're going from. You scoop them up and you bring them to our show. Yeah. And we like to start with a guest.

You said you had one. You had something heavy. Well, right. Okay, so in the book, the book is that I just wrote, Cash Run the Rye, the true tale of a white boy from Oakland who became a drug addict, criminal, mental patient, and then turned 16. Available online. Available online at Amazon, Barnes and Nobles.

Please go get one. I heard it's kind of like the book version of Girls for Boys. That's right. Well, it's a lot rougher than Girls. And it's a really rough book. And racist. It's not. There are some race stuff in there. But it's not so.

There are some parts that are. It's very funny. Throughout most of the book, it discusses my having deaf parents and my dad being a Hasidic Jew and me being a mostly secular kid and me going to rehab three times by the time I turned 16 and mental hospitals and arrest and insanity. So there's some very, as there has to be, some very dark parts of the book. And one of those parts is a pretty gnarly story about when my entire friendship, my entire circle of friends was falsely accused by this basically mentally ill girl uh who he stole some money from uh of gang rape whoa it's really intense yeah and it requires a lot of explanation

and it's dealt with in a way in the book that's really intense and serious and at the end of the people went to jail for it and then eventually when they found out that this girl was like essentially clinically insane they everybody got let out, and it was really intense. And then there's this moment of reckoning in the book where I have to say, okay, you know, one of the funny, odd parts of the story is that the entire time this is going on that I'm being accused of this, I'm actually a virgin.

So I'm like, how did I rape somebody and I've never even had sex with somebody? You're like, man, I'm getting the worst end of this. But at the end end there's this very serious reckoning where i go okay even though this thing didn't happen i still live in a lifestyle where someone felt i was around someone that felt desperate enough to make say a thing like this and and it's this real moment of reckoning in my life so i was on this this morning television program in Portland on my way here, on my book tour. And I was, you know, it's like one of these very cheesy, like, morning, I mean, literally it goes.

And next up, we're going to talk about, it's the cute animal section. Look at little Goosey Woosey walking across the street. Oopsie, her chick fell into the gutter. We got to help her. And there's firemen like that is so sweet and the next one is this eight-year-old's mom puts makeup on her is that okay makeup she's too young and then they bring me out all right and they're like cash her in the ride blah blah blah and they're like now but banter banter banter everything's going fine you know we're joking

around i you know one of them's a comedian and they're like it's hard and you know i'm like you must know what it's like to be empty inside everything's real cute and funny and then she goes and there's some dark parts in the book too like there are some dark parts in fact you and your friends were were accused of a gang rape is that right and she said it in that a that am like of a gang rape is that right a gang rape and i was like uh i well i mean i didn't have any banter prepared for like i was like gut shot like what the fuck do i do i just and then i was just like well it's important to note that that didn't actually occur and she's like well huh but it just sounded like anybody watching this was like, Lily's like, now you and your friends were accused of a gang rape?

And I was like, we didn't do it. And that was the end of the segment. I was like, it was the fucking worst. I couldn't believe it. She goes, and then right after the break, she's like, oh, it's too bad I wanted to talk to you about listening to hip hop in the car with your mom. I'm like, yeah, that would have been a great fucking thing to bring up.

What a good idea. Instead of a gang rape yeah so that's she had them listed in order of importance we gotta get we got i gotta talk about this first probably there was a producer who was like here are the the main parts i don't think so i think this lady just had them the story in her mind when we brought up the dark parts she remembered that story and it just fell out of her mouth on live TV and left me to kind of be like

oh did you want some bantery jokes to follow up here I've got a great set me up with this GR story that's the worst GR that's the worst thing that's happened to me press-wise. That's pretty bad.

Oh, it was so bad. I was outraged, but there was nothing I could do. Now, have you lost your virginity yet? I have not since lost my virginity. Well, pour on that sexy voice. Hey, ladies, if you're listening right now to stop podcasting yourself, I'd love you to come just give me a call late night you know tiffany if you're out there and your car's got a bit of poopoo in the front seat

you call me i never poop on you that's a promise yeah uh dave do you have an over uh mine's less heavy uh it is a it's an overseen and it's for me one of the most embarrassing things is when i try to go into a store and it's closed uh like i open i try to open the door and it doesn't open and i feel like everyone's staring at me a because like who's this loser trying to go to a store yeah right you got denied uh well last weekend i was uh i just i was at the corner of main and 14th in Vancouver, and I saw a woman do that same thing. Tried to open the door to a business and got denied. And then she looked around like, what do I do now? I need to shop.

And it wasn't a store. I looked down and I saw the sandwich board outside that said it was open door yoga. Oh. But it was not. No, it was neither. She had to do street yoga for rent. So that was a lighter one. Yeah, exactly.

This is literally, that was the lighter side. That was the palate cleanser. Sure. The ginger in my sushi documentary. Yes, exactly. This is literally, that was the lighter side. That was the palate cleanser. Sure. The ginger in my sushi documentary. Yes, absolutely. The outrageous ginger. What do you guys feel about yoga in the Olympics? Yes?

Is it? Well, it wants to be. Is it? Or they? Oh, I don't, I'm not comfortable with that. I'm kind of against this. I saw a lot of yoga on Indian Girls, the TV show. Do people compete at it?

I guess. I don't know. I only recently found old footage of Alan Thicke hosting the aerobics. Oh, you only recently found that? Competitive aerobics. In your archives? Yeah, but I didn't know that that was ever a competitive thing. I thought it was just a thing that you exercised.

Oh, I knew an aerobic champion. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah, my friend Dave – what the hell was his last name? Oh, God, I should know this. Dave Tights. Oh, Dave Dixon. That was his name.

Nice. Dave Dixon was like a world champion aerobics guy. But that's – I didn't know that there was – that that existed. I thought it was just aerobics was an exercise. So maybe there are champion yoga people. They do competitive yoga. But what is it? Like who can hold the thing the longest? And do the most intense poses

and things like that. Sounds slow. Today on Live with Kelly, today's co-host was Ben Mulrooney. Slower than the weird Canadian broom game that you guys have. Cur Gross. Slower than the weird Canadian broom game that you guys

have. Curling, curling. Slower than that? It seems like it would be at least equally slow. Today they had the world champion cup stacker. And what is that? I don't know what that is. 5.78 seconds is his record. There's a bunch of

plastic cups and you arrange them into different patterns and then you fold them down into stackable cups. Oh, I didn't know that was a thing. Olympics? I hope so. Let's all hope. Yeah, if we get enough signatures. Yeah. My overheard is an overseen.

You know, Dave, you know me. I spend a lot of time in thrift stores. And thrift stores recently have gotten wise to the fact that there's stuff that is given to them that's worth a lot of money. And so they don't just throw it in the same pile as the junk and just sell it for $2. I blame American Pickers. for two dollars i blame american pickers i think seriously i think there's like this thing that has changed because they're now in every thrift store there's these glass cases where they put the most expensive stuff right and uh this one place i go to regularly had all these very like beautiful there was like an old replica of a musket and with these very specific descriptions

of this is the era, this is who manufactured it. And it was all for a silent auction. And so I was just reading all these things. I was like, wow, these are all going to be really expensive. And then there was a Dwight Schrute bobblehead. And all it said next to it was the office man. Is that up for silent auction? Yeah, but they they just everything else was very well documented and they were like i don't know the office man this seems like it would be worth something television character yeah so uh anyways that was my thing that i saw and you know what i feel uh i feel like yeah these thrift stores really figured it out yeah you thrift stores yeah well i'm not comfortable with that is that also hipster or something probably what

stores what have hipsters not ruined one of the blogs i read actually was implied it didn't imply it said that being a hipster is inherently racist tell me more about that like just what it is is racist what if you're really into TV on the radio oh right but how are you into it are you like oh I just love listening to those people make music or you like they're so soulful you know beautiful smiles yeah that's the problem right but yeah they said that hipsters gentrify neighborhoods and and and they borrow uh ethnic styles and um sensibilities without honoring it or something like that just like go back to your fucking blog by the way you're blogging guess what that was borrowed from white people that's right we invented that that. You're appropriate. Yeah, 12-bar blog.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by listeners from around the world. If you would like to send in an overheard, you can send it to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And this first one comes in the, it's the kids say the darndest thing variety. This is from an intern teacher in a grade four classroom. A few weeks ago we were studying hundredths, right, dividing things into hundredths, in math class, and students were asked as a final question on their worksheets

describe a real life situation where you might use hundredths. One of my students handed in the answer, which was supposed to be when I use my pennies to make dollars but had not great spelling when I'm using my penis

to make dollars. I relate to that kid. That kid's got the right idea. That's a zombie hunting goop right there. In a big bucket yeah i'm making i'm using my penis what are you doing timmy i'm making zombie hunting goop you're gonna get ten dollars and 99 cents for it i'm using my penis to make dollars so that was for uh dave La Ronge, Saskatchewan. Which I've never...

That's where it comes from. Home of... That would be crazy if that's where La Ronge came from. It's a place in the middle of nowhere. Really? Saskatchewan? I've been on a big orange kick lately. Check them out. Oranges.

Oranges. Citrus. I have one a day. Seedless or seeded? Seedless. Seedless. Do they even sell seeded ones anymore? I don't know. Give it up.

Give it up, seeds. This next overheard comes from Tommy W. Tommy W. Where is he from? I don't know. But he ends it with Hulkster rules, which is correct. If anything we've learned from this podcast, it's the Hulkster rules. Hey, brother, thank you.

There's some new wrestling on the way. There's some new, yeah, exactly. I think it is going to be animal fights. This overheard came from a day at the mall. I was looking for a new hat in the store Lids. A day at the mall is my favorite Marx Brothers movie. Lids, I've been to Lids. Margaret Dumont played the Cinnabon manager in that movie.

I've got a Montreal Expos cap from Lids. Sure. It's a great cap. 7 and 3 8s. Great cap. 7 and 3 8s. Great size, too. Really good size.

This is great. This is a good lead-in, because this is all about hat size. There were only two other shoppers in the store with me, a guy and his girlfriend. The guy seems to have his eye on a hat he likes So he makes this sort of incognito wave To get the hat guy's attention Clerk comes over and says Oh hey man, you find a hat that you like?

Guy, yeah, I'd like to check out that one right there Hat clerk, what size? When asked the hat size The dude got noticeably uncomfortable and tried to do a hand over his mouth coughing thing when he said that the size was an eight that's a big hat uh the hat clerk what was that uh an eight uh hat clerk did you say eight oh crazy you need an eight uh then the hat clerk goes behind the counter and yells into the back to another employee, Hey, man, we need an eight.

Second hat clerk pokes his head out with a big smile on his face. This goes back and forth. There's a shock that a person needs an eight. And finally ends with his girlfriend saying, See, I told you they'd make fun of your giant head. That's got to be the highlight of your life if you were getting lids. Yeah.

An eight? Yeah. I was here one day when a guy came in asking for an eight. It was way more grizzled than that, though. Oh, yeah, I'll tell you a story. When I first started here at Lids, welcome, kid.

That was the time. A man came in. He needed an eight. There were only three stores in the mall. Lids for hats, tops for shirts, bottoms for pants. And then there was the Hardtack Emporium. What is Hardtack? Was that like a grease?

No, Hardtack was like a bread product that people ate when they were going pioneers. It was like crackers, but like deeply going pioneers. It was like crackers, but like deeply compact. It was like rations, but it was horrible. Hard tech. I remember that. It feels like Deadwood would have been something that they talked about.

For sure. This last one comes from Chrissy M in Eugene, Oregon. This is the photo that she sent. His greatest response to a tagger ever. Big tag that you can't understand what the name says. Somebody has spray painted over it. Is gay.

Classic, right? Classic meme. Yeah. So there you go. If you want to send in overheards or overseens, stop podcast yourself at gmail.com. And if you think being gay is funny, send us everything. But I think he was trying to say

that they are gay. And that's fine. Everything's fine with that. It's all in the up and down. We're hipster homophobes. Are we that too? Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls if you want to call us. It's 206-339-8328.

Hey, Graham and Dave. This is Amanda from Portland. We were just in the grocery outlet, and the lady in front of us was buying a bunch of wind chimes. And she said to the guy she was with, Every time I hear these, it'll remind me of the dogs you made me sell. Whoa. Wow. These chimes will echo.

That's weird. That's very uh it's not even passive aggressive that's a straight up aggressive maybe she had to sell those dogs to buy the chimes so it's like a another henry story maybe they were all in the bahamas yeah oh that's totally like where you want to send hey this is going out to the lady who has to listen to those chimes every time the dogs get out. Could you get chimes that do Who Let the Dogs Out? Or one of the other songs by the Bahamas? Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bl Good stuff. Good stuff. The staccato chimes. Next one. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Heather in San Francisco, and I have an overheard.

I was in my American government class at the local community college, and the professor at one point asked us if anyone had seen Election. The professor at one point asked us if anyone had seen Election. And I was the only one who had seen that film. But at some point, there turned into a discussion about, you know, whether or not that movie was, you know, a good representation or whatever of politics. And I guess I was the only one who had seen it, so it was a very rousing discussion.

But then, towards the end, someone spoke up and said, has anyone here seen Ghost Dad? And that was... So what? So the teacher decided to, okay, let's go for something everybody's seen. I think a student said,

no, I haven't seen that, but have you seen Ghost Dad? Ghost Dad? Yeah, Bill Cosby in Ghost Dad. Oh, okay, not Ghost Dog. Yeah, The Way of the Samurai. I think I know who that was. Really? I think so. Because there's a Heather in San Francisco that's a huge comedy fan.

Oh, really? And I think it might have's a Heather in San Francisco that's a huge comedy fan Oh really? And I think it might have been her Hey Heather Do you want to send a request out to Heather? I'd like to send a special shout out to Heather Hey Heather it's me Moshe Cash I'd like to send a special dedication to you I hope that in the future your calls

Are a little bit more streamlined and to the point But nonetheless I love you baby That's great that's going to become her outgoing phone message yeah i think this is the wrong number hey everyone you've reached heather i'm not in right now but you can go ahead and leave me a message and i will call you back baby oh that would yeah man that's great use it any heather yeah you've just made every Heather's Day. And if you can make a Heather's Day, then you've really done it.

Actually, it's International Heather's Day, May 4th. Oh, really? Yeah, it's where we celebrate both the people named Heather and the movie Heather. May the Heathers be with you. Yeah, take a Heather to Heather's Day. Finally. Hey, Graham and Dave. This is Joe calling from New Jersey, calling with an overheard. I just have a pizza delivery driver, and I was just delivering a pizza to a house where there was a loud dog barking.

Dog house. And as I'm leaving, a little kid grabs the dog and he's like, this is not your battle. That is awesome. Yeah. Wow.

Wow, that is great. That's something dogs understand. Pick your battles. This is that is great. Yeah, that's something dogs understand. Pick your battles. This is not your battle. I can stand up for myself. That's funny. I like that. Run away, live to fight another day, etc.

Right? Love is a battle. Oh, sure. Field. This is not your paddle. Field. Wait, this is... Love is a battle. Field!

I think battlefield is one word. But it's still... All right, do it again. Love is a battlefield! Field! Rest in peace, MCA. Now, Moshe, people love you. They want to see you.

Where do people go? What's coming up? Tell us all about it. Where can they get your book? Let me tell you a few things. My book is available on Amazon or at bookstores everywhere. It's called Casher and the Rye, The True Tale of a White Boy from Oakland,

Became a Drug Addict, Criminal Mental Patient, and then turned 16. A criminal mental patient? Criminal mental patient. And then also you can follow me on Twitter. Talk about the cover. The cover's great. The cover's cool. It's red and it's a kind of caricature of my face but with pills

for eyes and a joint for a mouth. It's pretty cool. Do you think people should judge the book by its cover? In this case, yes. It's a pretty good cover. You can find me at Moshe Kasher on Twitter. M-O-S-H-E-K-A-S-H-E-R. Also, you can listen to my podcast if you want. It's called The Champs.

Have you heard it? Yeah, we have. I do a show with Neil Brennan, the co-creator of The Chappelle Show, and DJ Doug Pound from the Tim and Eric program in Portlandia. And every week we interview a different black guest celebrity. So if you're a white person and you want to hear what black people are like, please tune in. Now, what would you say that this show...

Hipster racism. If you are a black person and you want to hear what white people are like when they timidly interview black people, please tune in. If you are a non-white, non-black person, you are not welcome to listen to the podcast. JK, everybody's invited. And motioncaster.com is how you can find me. I'll be coming all over the states of America. Zombie.

I mean to say I'm touring a lot. So come see me. That's awesome. Now, there's a thing that's come up in the last few days and Dave and I were talking about it that two of our past guests were members of a sketch group

called Picnic members. Are, currently, yes, called Picnic Face. Ebony Rosen, Mark Little. Yep. Yeah, I know those people. Yeah, super funny. Their show was not, was cancelled. Oh, no. The Comedy Network, but there's a big movement going on, on the

internet, to gather people up who care about the show, and it's a very funny show and should continue on. And it's SavePicnicFace.com. Yeah. I support that wholeheartedly. Actually, I was thinking, if you want to have a TV show, you should probably start... Like, before you come up with a TV show idea, come up with a Saving It campaign.

That is so true. Yeah. Start that early. BFF on NBC, which is Jessica St. Clair and Lennon Parham. Am I right in the pronunciation of both of those? They're very funny people. They're very good. And their show got canceled after, I think, one episode. Which is crazy.

What the hell? I just saw the Save BFF things on the internet. You're totally right. You should write your save campaign before you write your pilot. Just figure out why people should like it and want it to be back on. We'll unite people about it. But do go to SavePicnicFace.com because

that's a show, especially with a sketch show, you need more than one season to figure out. And in Canada, there really isn't much television that is made for people who like things that are good. Are you talking about Art2Care? Is that what you're talking about?

And one of the members of Picnic Face I am very attracted to. I'm not going to say who, but I just want to put that out there. So, listen, ladies, if you like things that I'm attracted to, then you gotta save to save picnicface.com. While Graham and I were in Toronto a couple of, like, six weeks ago now? No, two months ago.

How were we ever so young, Dave? We appeared on a podcast that has finally been released. So, if you would like to listen to that, that's one more plug. Comedy Above the Pub. And we were not above the pub when we were recording it. It's a misnomer. We were not above a pub.

I mean, we weren't directly above a pub, but we were higher up than that. We're always above a pub in some way. There's a pub in China right now that we're all above. Oh, man. Do you think they're really partying it up right now,

or is it closing time? Time zones. Yeah. Right. Time zones. Yeah. Right. Time zones. Time zone humor, ladies and gentlemen. It's China o'clock somewhere. But, yeah.

So, listen to that. Save picnic face. Also, there's a Facebook group underway to bring us to? Chicago. It's called Bring Stop Podcasting Yourself to Chicago. Easy to remember. That's what I like about it. And you have a live

taping coming up in May. Sold out. Wow. Where and for whom? The bell tolls. Time marches on. It's at the Waldorf. Time ain't nothing but time. So that'll be great. For whom?

Nothing. It's at the Waldorf. Time ain't nothing but time. So that'll be great. For whom? Huh? Nothing. What do you mean, for whom? It's for an online distribution. Oh, yes. It's so exciting. Yeah, it's the future. We're engaged in the future.

Yeah, I am excited. I think that everybody that can't get tickets should get them. Or should rue the fact that they're unavailable. Or should join a campaign. Yeah. Oh, yeah, see it online. That's the easiest way. Yeah. And when it gets canceled from online, I want you guys join the campaign. Yeah. Oh, yeah, see it online. That's the easiest way. Yeah.

And when it gets canceled from online, I want you guys to try and save it. I want you to bring it back. SaveTheInternet.com. And if you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org.

Check out the blog that Dave puts up every week. Yeah, what's going to be on the blog recap this week? I assume the Baja men. Did we mention them? House, dogs, girls, racism.

Hipster racism. What's the visual representation of racism? A hipster dumping a coffee on a minority. Dumping a coffee on a minority? Yeah, I know. It'll be a Klansman in a skinny robe. Yeah, setting to fire a bedazzled cross or something.

Let me say this. Please. One more thing. A Prussian Blue remix by MDMT. Right. Yep. I like being on your guys' show. We like having you. We like having you back. I like your fans. I like being on your guys' show. We like having you.

Thank you for having me back. I like your fans. I like you people. You people. You people. Oh, no. Well, we really enjoy having you, and we were thrilled when you told us you were coming back to town. Yeah.

It's fun. And I haven't had a chance to read your book yet but I'm super super excited to do so because it just it sounds fantastic and scary well I'm very proud of it

and I hope everybody listening buys one buy it buy it don't be a jerk don't be a jerk and if you want to contact us it's stoppodcastyourself

at gmail.com or 206-339-8328 and come back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Testing. Testing. My name is Dave and I'm testing. Hi, I'm Moshe Kasher and I'm testing positive for stop podcasting yourself and also hiv that's a good promo we should start getting promos going