Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 221 - Jy Harris

Episode Date: June 12, 2012

A very adult episode as comedian Jy Harris joins us to talk about Jerry Springer, Jaws, and '80s rapping.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 221 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and if you would like to download a comedy special recorded by myself, you can do so at thestandupcomedians.com. And with me as always is a man who is like, he's like the, he's like, oh, he's kind of like, I actually

have something. Oh, he's a really good guy. I wanted to say he was the Sam Beckett to my Al, because in Quantum Leap style, you know where I'm, what I'm talking about. You know the show I'm talking about. Yeah. Al is the bearded guy who's the assistant on the TV show. Yeah.

Mr. Dave Shumka. Yep. And how are you, Dave? I'm good. How are you? Oh, I'm great. Can I tell you this? I downloaded your comedy special, and everyone should go ahead and do that.

It's fantastic. Five bucks. Cheap. Five bucks. So cheap. Right? It's at thestandupcomedians.com That is correct. Oh, Graham. Oh, Dave. I'm so proud of you. Oh, thanks, buddy. And our guest today, why I brought up Quantum Leap is I feel like we're righting a wrong

by... we've been this deep in the podcast and we never... We're this deep in the leap. Yeah. Quantum. Hi. Hey. A gentleman that we

didn't have on the podcast while he was living in town now has moved to Toronto. And we, it's like, we missed our chance. That's what it takes. I'm going to ship people in.

Yeah. And then he came back and we got our chance and it's like, we're writing the wrong, right? Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Counting crows. This gentleman,

very funny comedian, a guy that I travel with to the seattle comedy competition and a guy who's in a uh zombie uh zombie pot movie called bong of the dead that was a theatrical release it uh actually it was in australia and on dvd players across this land is uh. Jai Harris is our guest. Thank you for having me. Oh, sorry. He was also cut out of the movie 50-50. These are his credits. And it was cut out of the movie Titanic in The Godfather 3.

Who were you going to be in Titanic? I was going to be a mini-me to Billy Zane. I remember the time when you had your head shaved. No, wait wait Billy Zane didn't have his head Shaved in that No he has it now I think Let's get to Noah's

Oh sure Get to Noah's Jai Welcome back to Vancouver Thank you for having me back To the city I think i wasn't after that you didn't have me back i just happened to be coming back yeah this is easy this is easy prey we'll lure him to our basement um he's here you left uh you were you were a mainstay in vancouver

in the vancouver comedy scene for many years you were one of the first guys ever when i was starting out stanow comedy that was like uh nice to me a person starting out i'm sort of known as the the yeah the amateur nice yeah i like to welcome you did and you were really i remember uh you doing that for a lot of comics over the years and now uh i think i think we miss having that uh person in the scene that nobody has stepped into that wagon yeah of uh everyone's really mean has there been a dip in person in the scene. Nobody has stepped into that role. The welcome wagon. Yeah. Everyone's really mean. Mm-hmm. Has there been a dip in the positivity of amateurs since I've gone?

Is there a lot of growly people out there? Yeah, I think so. Because you know what? I think on my second time doing comedy, you invited me over to play video games. And I was like, hey, comedy's all right. What? Did I? Yeah. Did you and Aubrey Tenant? I think I did, actually. you invited me over to play video games and i was like hey comedy's all right you know did i yeah

did we you and aubrey tenant uh i think i did actually because i was just so mystified by i was like wow like a comedian apartment where we'd found this stockpile of unopened posters from the 80s in the back of that magic store on uh main and 12th so our apartment was laden with like uh hot pinup pics of where there was michael j fox philip michael thomas yep that was like uh who was like standing in the shore break with his like jacket open and i think we had rob low yep and so we'd we'd judge friends that would come through the door and if they said like well what are you guys gay then we're like you don't get what we're trying to do here you don't get to play video games and i think you were you enjoyed the decor i think i enjoyed that because you also i think you had a

copy of the wizard somewhere on display and uh you also threw your garbage out the window oh we had the hippie house next door and we'd throw garbage on their their on their roof and it would roll down and like hit the patio and this guy would run out with a ceremonial knife and what kind of ceremony it was it looked like just like a sort of a lord of the rings like a dagger this hippie guy and he'd run out and he'd like shake it at the sky because he wouldn't see because we'd close the blinds so he just assumed it was the sky the gods yeah yeah Yeah, yeah. They must be crazy. Where did that Coke bottle come from? I don't remember this magic store that had 80s posters. Oh, it's a costume, but it's got magic tricks and stuff. It's still there.

Oh, okay. I thought you meant like... New York Novelties? Is that the place? Yeah. Okay, yeah. I know the place. Like you thought it was a store that was magic and it just sold shoes or something? But like, why would it have Michael J. Fox? No, this I know the place. Like, you thought it was a store that was magic, and it just sold shoes or something?

But, like, why would it have Michael J. Fox? No, this was in the back. They let us in the back room, and it's like, maybe it had been a different incarnation of the store back then. But these had been there since, like, 84. And they were like, take them, take them! Yeah, it was our daughter's room. She was really into these. Yeah, oh, right, she lived in the back of the store.

Yeah, we wanted to preserve it after she left in 1984 1984 she moved across the street and opened her own magic shop well there was a place around that area called wet wizard books oh yeah that's still is that not there i don't think it's still there i think it was in the block that all burnt down but i always just thought it was a terrible name next to the best pizza place ever that's uh the place where you could drink a beer with a local homeless guy and eat some pizza. Yeah. What was that place called? Was it called AM FM Pizza or something like that? I think it was just Pizzeria.

I think it was called. Yeah, but generic pizzeria. But nobody would consider it the best pizza place in the world. It was a lot of fun to hang out with the locals. I remember that. It was one of the last actual 99 cent pizza places. Yeah, and they would serve beer until four in the morning. I remember that. It was one of the last actual 99 cent pizza places. Yeah, and they would serve beer until

four in the morning. Yeah. And also it was in plastic, like a tumbler glass. A sippy cup. Yeah, because I think all of their glasses probably got broken. It wasn't a thin plastic either. They could have got broken by stepping on it.

It was a real solid reinforced plastic Well they needed to get the bottle back When I was in Costa Rica in grade 8 They would give you They wanted the 5 cents back For the can or the bottle So you would get a straw and a plastic bag To drink out of

Like a Ziploc bag. Oh. Ooh. Oh. No. That's what the ad would be for the plastic bag, straw, cup. Yeah. It's like, at first, you're like, I don't know.

But it's because I have an image of cold cuts or whatever in a Ziploc bag. Oh, right, right. A sandwich. I don't think of a beverage. Oh, we forgot to take the sandwich out when we poured this Pepsi in there. So, you've been in Toronto for two years? A year and a half now.

Everything's run smooth. It's been great. Well, that is fantastic to hear. No bumps in the road. The sky's the limit. No bumps in the road. The sky's the limit. No bumps in the road to trip on. Now, do you like Toronto? Yeah, I didn't.

When I first moved there, it was at the start of winter, and it was pretty horrible. I didn't get enough. I was going through a sort of tough time personally in life, and I was sort of locked in the house with snow, and it was a bit like misery. Oh, like the movie like the movie yeah and then once spring came around i was able to explore it's a yeah it's a wonderful city yeah because you grew up out here where there is no or there's a little snow but not like locked into your house now yeah yeah so it was a it was a was that the first time that you'd ever been like i mean i grew up in ottawa as well is that right? Yeah. I was born in Ottawa.

Learning about Jai. Yeah. Homey world. Don't you dare close your eyes. So, and what's been going on lately? I'm doing a few different things. Well, I'm doing comedy. I'm touring for Yuck Yucks and doing the universities and college shows and stuff but i am also uh when when i get home in a week and a half i'm going to be uh directing and filming my first

bbw uh erotic video okay for a friend's website here we go here we go okay bbw big big beautiful wizard big beautiful wizards big Big bearded wizard. Graham, you're in the first. Yeah. Yeah, I cast a spell or two. I do a group spell. Okay, it's an erotic film. Well, I've got a friend or two that have websites.

It's not pornography, but it's, there's some nudity and stuff. Okay. And they've got some very, the videos that they shot so far are just very sort of one, it's a one camera deal. And you think you can do better. I know I can do better. I've got some editing prowess and I've got some equipment and I like to think that I can sort of conduct to a crescendo for the other fellas out there. And, uh, they, I actually did this about seven years ago. I took, uh,

pictures for, um, uh, someone's, uh, a photo set for a BBW site and her, her, her membership levels doubled in a month. Oh, I doubled BBW. Yeah. It sounds like a burger. I XXL'd her membership. It sounds like a burger. I XXL'd her membership. And then I was actually interviewed on BBW Radio out of Vegas. No. Yeah. What?

Look how proud I was to just dive in. They're like, so what's been going on in Toronto? Well, comedy and... Yeah, absolutely. So you say they're not like a porn website. It's like an erotic... What is it? Like people... Is it bigger ladies just doing everyday things?

It's just wearing clothing and then not wearing as much clothing in another picture and then they're naked. Oh, okay. Sure. So like a burlesque. So it's just pictures? It's like stop motion?

It's a flip book. It's a video of me holding a flip book. Are any of them California raisins and it's yeah that's basically what it is so is this a thing that you do and then you get

like cause like often those sites they don't have credits I'm putting credits at the end of these videos it's going to be very well known who who produced we uh i just like pause your show if you don't know what a bbw is google it and come back yeah sure we're not we're not going to be crass we're not going to spell it out for you but you might be there's a actually a karate academy in toronto called bbw karate because they didn't know yeah did we yeah it's right near the comedy right by in Toronto called BBW Karate. We saw that! Did we? It's right near the comedy bar.

Right by the comedy bar. It's about two blocks away. I pointed it out. It was like BBW Karate. You laughed. When I first saw it, I got excited because I thought it was actually... Now, here's the thing.

I'm just going to pitch this because we're already on the topic. What about a BBW Karate movie? Exactly. There would be no jump kicks. A lot of foot sweeps um now uh do you want to is this a thing that you want to pursue is like is this a like do you want to become no it's like a guy who's known as like the bbw No, it's just a brief foray. Do you want to be the P.T. Anderson of BBW?

There will be blood, is the first. Stop it. Really? Not Boogie Nights? No, I like to... You've known me a while, Graham. I like to take a little foray off the beaten path every once in a while to explore

the frannies. More than any other person that I've ever met, you have taken, you've gone boldly down all sorts of different paths. I think the first year I knew you, you were on Jerry Springer twice inside of a couple of years,

right? Inside of a year, yeah. We got passed back for the where are they now. What has become of them since its last embarrassing appearance? You went on as a guy who wanted to be involved in a gay porno. No, I was not a guy that wanted to be involved. Well, I was a guy that wanted to do porn. Now, this is shocking for people who think that the guests on Jay Springer are are real a lot of them are a lot of them a lot of them are they they call them from the

they're uh from the states the southern states and they uh it's a calling card there it's uh there's some people that i met that were from small towns in kentucky who had been on the show eight or nine times and uh sometimes they were they were the the top shit oh really yeah there's one woman who uh we on the second episode which we filmed in jamaica at uh a swingers resort called hedonism 2 this is a real uh shock jock episode which incidentally is the trip where i uh probably the one and hopefully only time that I'll see a 500 pound man slide down a water slide naked with a naked, very busty midget riding his stomach.

Please little person. And a little, little, a little person, not a big person. Like, but riding him as if he were some sort of vehicle. Yeah.

Yeah. And he, he was so big that he conformed to the water slide. So it just looked like a massive skin, like abapapa if that at all yeah early 80s bells and then just errant arms and legs sticking out like and uh oh man so we met a there was a woman there that uh had been doing she was doing springer for the eighth time. And she was... Never again, she keeps telling herself. But no, she was going for the record.

The record was ten times. Oh, wow. Held by Paul Simon. But here's where some somber... Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. They're tied for the most appeared spokesman. She had terminal brain cancer and had received a call while in my company at the buffet. She received a call from her mother, who is about 68, who also had terminal brain cancer,

and found out that she had two days to live. Her mother? Her mother. So who has two days to live? The mother or her mother it gets yeah so who has two days to live the mother okay but they both have brain cancer right and uh so the daughter is and she's in her 40s she's uh somewhat distraught as you would be and wanted to go home early to visit her mom but her mom said do not come home because i will disown you if you don't do springer a ninth time wow so i watched as she mourned the loss of her mother from afar and then went on and and what was her what was her stick

that she kept uh being brought back to spare for just uh she was missing some teeth and so she would do a different thing every time or or she was known as a racist or... I actually don't remember what her thing was, other than it was a very sad situation. This is a real rollercoaster. This is a real water slide of emotions. It was a coming-of-age week for me there in Jamaica. I didn't realize that that was in Jamaica. The second episode.

Yeah, yeah. Do you remember? Because the first episode was very well received and very humorous, I felt. And the second episode was an embarrassment from the gods. The first episode, I remember you, back in the day at the El Cocal,

the Laugh Gallery, you brought it down. And it was, I think, maybe before it had aired, and everybody watched it. Yeah, we had a white trash night. And it was just the greatest. It was so funny. It was so funny. It was exciting just to be able to be, like,

it felt like I stepped inside my TV. There's a moment on it where you can see me admitting that I'm going to do gay porn. Not that there's anything wrong with gay porn just being televised and watched by millions and I sort of look over my shoulder and see the big Jerry Springer sign by the big fan

on the wall that die hard fan yeah yeah yeah the alien 3 fan and I just sort of look down and Jerry goes so you want to do gay porn? And I just looked down, I do this little shake and then a nod. And that's when I was like, I can't, it feels like I'm being swallowed by pop culture.

Wow. It'd be like hanging out at the Peach Pit in 90210 or something. So it's like you were going to maybe back away, like you're at the edge of a diving board or something. And you're like, I'm going to. Yeah. Wow. Dive right in. And then, yeah, you've done...

You've done gay porn. You've done gay porn over the years. It's not outside the realm of... We'll see where the BBW thing goes, and maybe that's the path that... Sure. Right? You know, opportunity knocks.

It very rarely lingers. Yeah. That's what they say. Actually, opportunity cocks is going to's the path. Sure. Right? You know, opportunity knocks. It very rarely lingers. Yeah. Actually, opportunity cocks is going to be the first. It's going to be your credit at the end of the movie. Cockertunity cocks.

Cocker, cocker. It's just you try to fit cocks so many times into it. Into what? Into the title. Opt no poon. Opt no poon. Oh, brother.

Anyways. Oh, brother is the... But you've made videos and stuff like that for years. But not porn. No, no. You've made, like, comedy videos. I feel like we're a little, like, familiar. Just for the audience. Oh, sorry. Yes.

I feel like we need to explain you went on the jerry springer show to say you were going to do gay porn you didn't really do gay porn but that was it was a bit you did right um you've made videos that weren't porn right comedy made some that was yeah yes yes yes and like uh like really kind of like uh conceptual uh kind of like off the beaten path kind of stuff i tried to what i sort of try and do with any videos i make i there's i wanted to be humorous but there's more of an onus on strange uh one of my favorite movies and it's a very uh polarizing movie is uh uh but uh harmony korean's gummo i was you know what i was gonna bring that up

because he's got a new film coming out. Does he? I don't. Yeah, it's with... Spring Breakers. Spring Breakers, yeah. Who's the guy who does everything? Actor? James Franco. James Franco.

Oh, so he's going sort of a bit more mainstream. His movies have always been very... Apparently, this is supposed to be well in league with the... Yeah. But it stars Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens as well. As kind of spring break

co-ed. Yeah, I've only seen stills from the movie. No, it sounds creepy now. Everything sounds creepy today. Yeah, I remember you're like a big fan of Gamo and he also made a bunch of movies, Harvey. Trash Humper.

Trash Humper. It's a terrible movie. No movies you want to take a date to, but it's a, I don't know. I thought Gummo was just a series of scenes of stuff that I loved watching and never would have thought that I would have ever watched. Like the scene of the kid in the bathtub. So don't spoil it. Yeah, watch.'s i'm not gonna ever see him is there is there a thing in the bathtub is he eating cold cuts is there cold no he's eating spaghetti in this dirty bathtub and his his mother's a hoarder and he keeps dropping food in the tub and like pulling it out and eating it

yeah it's just what is it about that that you uh that draws you to that? It's just oddities. It's like a car wreck. Just seeing something that you think you will never see again. Just not a standard... I mean, movies with a standard plot are great and fine, but when you're watching this sort of pastiche of absurdities, it's like a freak show. Do you want to make something like that? I would love to make something.

It's yours if you guys we've got some yeah we brought in a parade of freaks i made a lasagna they're gonna eat it out of the toilet oh man uh it's so good to have you back yeah Vancouver, Jai. I think my favorite Jai Harris story is... Is this a recently told one in your kitchen? No, no, no. Allegedly. It's a stand-up comedy story. It's when you were in the Seattle comedy competition with Graham. Yep.

And one day, I guess things weren't going so well, so you decided... You know the story. Let Jai tell it. Jai tells it the best. I think we were at the most horrible casino I've ever been to. Eagle Ridge. If people don't know the Seattle Comedy Competition, and why would they? It's not a one-night competition.

It's over the course of many shows. A month? Yeah. Almost. If you're, yeah. If you make it through the rounds. Yeah. Almost. If you're, yeah. If you make it through the rounds. Yeah, yeah. It starts out, yeah, the first round will be one week.

Every night you're doing different shows in different venues in different towns around Seattle. And we got through. We made it through to the next round. To the semifinals. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, every round you went through, the venues would get bigger.

So it started out – Like a video game. Yeah, exactly. And then you played just for King Koopa. But they did. They got bigger and then we were in like some giant casino room. It was all just like gamblers that were just kind of passing through. There was not really an audience.

But the horrible – like the pit of America. It was all – almost everyone there was so obese that they had to have a. Water slide. A water slide. I was actually scouting there. But they had, it was like all the guys were wearing snap on gear jackets or hunting jackets. And it was just really, it was redneck to the extreme and very conservative audience. And I think by that show, I was basically out of the running.

Graham, you were a shoo-in to make the finals, which you did. Because I came in not very high in the ranking, but I came in the same ranking every night. So my cumulative points were good at the end. Like, I didn't win any of the ranks. Right, like bowling. Yeah, exactly. I came up the middle. There were people who

were first to laugh but i was always like fourth i was a solid fourth the whole week and i believe i was a solid 15th out of 15 every time it would be the first 15 people that way the first round was i every time i did the seattle competition i'd come in first or second in the first round because it would be all sort of you know dive bars or colleges and it was sort of my crowd and then they'd in the semi-finals they'd stick you in front of uh conservative audiences and i was always dead in the water i didn't have stuff prepared for that so i did an experiment that i was very excited about i was excited about it too because i noticed that the conservative audiences really enjoyed when a comedian said that they were married and that they had you know you know spoken their vows

to their loved one and were ready for the white picket fence. So I decided to just do the same act that I normally would, but preface it by telling the crowd that it was my three-month wedding anniversary. Which, by the way,

is not something anyone pays attention to. As someone who's been married I don't know, six months? No, maybe ten? I don't know. So I had a lot of bravado. I told, I believe, Erica Sigurdsson was with us. And it was yourself and, or was it Jen? It was... At one point, it was an Erica Sigurdsson.

At one point, it was a Jen Grant. But I don't think it's the same. Oh, guys, we're recording this literally on my 10 month wedding anniversary oh yeah thanks everybody absolutely it was the clap that i i didn't get after saying it was my three month so i stood there and basically did a tada i was like so it's my three month it's a three month anniversary of my wedding and waited for the conservative applause which didn't come and then i told a joke that i'd made up on the spot about how my wife was like an alarm clock she'd wake me up at eight in the morning every morning so i'd treat her like an alarm clock and slap her on the head

to act as a snooze button and the silence silence was deafening. And all I heard was Graham's laugh in the back of the theater. You guys, I've been married for three months, and I'm abusive. And then whale noises and stage exit right. Oh, man. That whole competition was very humbling. The whole experience was like, because we were staying in weird hotels. We shared a couple of weird motels. Like in Muppets Take Manhattan when they're staying in the little lockers at the bus station.

Yeah. It was very weird. It's like a thing. It's like a horrible camp it's like imagine if camp was like uh just like uh just every night the camp counselors got around and judged you told you you weren't very good at being a camper that's what it was like was that the year with the the magician the guy that would with the bricks that would like juggle bricks no the year we were in was with the guy who did a backflip at the end of his set with there was a guy who like his his

big closer you lead up to this uh thing and then he would do a back you do like a from a standing start full black backflip and uh i can't remember like what night it was but everybody's kind of making fun of us, too. Like, hey, this next club we're going to has got a really low ceiling. I don't know. And then at the end of his set, he did the backflip and totally called out the... Like, now, motherfucker, who's the king of backflips now? We were like, well, we were only literally saying you shouldn't do it for safety like

and also we didn't enter a backflip competition yeah oh that's like telling a yeah entering a backflip competition and just telling a joke was that was that funny enough non-backflip humorism for you you guys like backfl? Well, I just got married three months ago. Oh, Dave, what's going on with you? Well, my name's Dave Shumka, and I'm here to say... Come on. Finish that thought, please. I love trash

humpers in a major way. This last episode, we had Brent Budd on the show, and we talked a lot about the movie Jaws, and I had never seen Jaws. And a couple days after we recorded that episode, I decided to watch Jaws. This is fantastic. Yeah, so I'm now up to date on Jaws. Quiz me.

Yeah. A, did you like it? I did like it. I knew that I would. Jaya, I assume you've seen Jaws. Oh, yes, yes. Not the whole, not the quadrilogy? No, no, no. Did you like it? I did like it. I knew that I would. Jaya, I assume you've seen Jaws. Oh, yes. Yes.

Not the whole, not the quadrilogy? No, no, no. I didn't watch. No one's going to watch the quadrilogy. I have watched the quadrilogy. But no one's going to do that. No, I'm not going to do that is what I mean. No one's going to tell me I need to do that. No, but you haven't seen all four Jawses.

But you did, you needed to see Jaws. Yeah. Did you like? I liked Jaws. Yeah. Did you like? I liked Jaws. I blame myself for a couple parts that I missed. Because it was like, oh, the first time when there's like... You know, when Jaws really sneaks up on you and you're not expecting Jaws. Yeah.

That's the famous music from Jaws. Yeah. Isn't it Barney Miller and they I was like had my phone out sort of not paying complete attention and then Jaws came out of the water and I was like oh yeah that would have been

scary gotta check my score on fave star um but uh here's one thing i noticed about jaws it is like uh the only movie where the good guys are the ones firing guns into the water because uh oh yeah because you you see like James Bond or a Bourne identity. I think the most recent... A Rambo. Yeah. The most recent Mission Impossible.

I think in the Italian job, the good guys get coaxed into the water. They get pushed in the water. They're swept in the water somehow. And the bad guys shoot into the water and try to kill them that's a real waste of ammo yeah and this is a refreshing and then you see like the bullets zinging by them uh underwater private ryan yeah sure maybe i don't know but uh have you not seen that the whole normandy thing that occurred um speaking of anniversaries um that's right yeah uh but uh yeah it's like in all those movies it's bad guys like trying to shoot good guys in the water this is i i think maybe the

people chasing jaws are the bad guys i uh anyone ever oh you're putting forth Jaws as the persecuted one. Jaws, it's like one of these alternate, like the Ferris Bueller is actually like a Tyler Durden thing. Like it's an alternate way to watch the film. It's like, what if Jaws is the good guy? What if Jaws was one of us? Now, Jaws isn't the character Of the shark's name is it? No one ever says there goes Jaws

Jaws McElroy is actually Who it was based on One of the first sharks to come over from From where? From Sharkland Dude Sharkland Sealand From Shark

Guys And as Jaws Jaws have... Jaws doesn't really have a name. We call her Jaws. Oh, to her. Oh, that's my next question. Is Jaws a boy or a girl? Maybe she's protecting her young, and then she...

Are sharks like bears? Well, she's just an eating machine. She's not protecting her young. That's more of a male at all yeah yeah i think it's more of a male thing to be an eating machine i think john unless it's in a video i'm filming here we go again um all respect do um jaws in the making of the movie, the robot... It was a rope? Well, not...

I guess it wasn't a robot. It's a mechanical device. It was a puppet of sorts. Anyways, they named that, the shark that they were filming, they named it Bruce. Oh, that's right. It was named after Steven Spielberg's lawyer. That's why they named... That's true.

That's a fact. That's awful. How Jewish of them. Whoa. But it is. Bruce O'Connor. Yeah. From Sharkland.

But yeah, I don't think the shark in the movie had a name. I think the original title of the movie was The Shark With No Name. I've been through an ocean on a shark with no name. Yeah. The Man Without a Shark. Yeah. The Man Without a Shark. The Shark With No Name.

The Shark Without a Face. So, this week's... That's what I meant. This week's movie recommendation, Jaws. Yeah. Check it out. It's from the 70s. Yeah.

76. Yeah. Check it out. It's from the 70s. Yeah. Yeah, first blockbuster ever. That poor block was a date before that. Yeah, it was fine. Yeah, exactly. The block was fine before Jaws came and turned that shit out. So a blockbuster, where does the word blockbuster come from? Like people

lining up around the block? I actually have no idea where the moviegoers in the 70s used to if a movie did well they'd actually take bats to the streets and smash windows yeah yeah yeah so there you go that's where that came from um Also, there's a scene in the beginning of the movie, Jaws, where Roy Scheider is talking to this guy, Harry, who's wearing a hat, and he says, that's some bad hat, Harry.

And I didn't know, I had heard that phrase before, and it is the name of the production company that makes the TV show House. Bad Hat Harry? Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, there you go. So that's where that comes from. There's, I mean, I mean, we could sit here all night, Jaws trivia. Yeah, yeah.

Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. That's going to be our follow-up podcast. Jaws trivia.

Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. Jaws trivia. So that's it. Yeah.

Jaws. Recommend it. But Jaws might be the good guy. Yeah. Because of the shooting guns. Watch it as if he is the Bourne identity. Yeah, Jaws. Recommend it. But Jaws might be the good guy. Yeah. Because of the shooting guns. Watch it as if he is the Bourne identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As if the shark has just learned that he is a shark.

Yeah. Trying to get money out of a Swiss bank account or whatever. So, Graham, what's going on with you? Oh, I just moved. And you love it. Well, I like having a place that I'm not evicted from so that's I got evicted from the place

that I was at previously like 5 days in? day 1 when I moved in it was a pre-existing thing before I moved in no beards no beards no beards, no weirds I was told that this was a weird-bin friendly, beard friendly,

I think trying to think of a third word that rhymes with those things. Sheared, but that would be the antithesis. That's right. No, but yeah, also beards. Shorn? Yeah. We were evicted as a group on the first day I moved in, and one of my roommates

was fighting it and took it to appeal and so we stayed there for till the end of May. If only. And so then we had to move and so we moved into a house that

had previously only had one owner. It was built by this gentleman's parents, and they lived there until they passed away. And he was quite old, the guy who owned it before the landlords. We have took it over. Anyways, moved in, and there's a lot of old man stuff in the house. They just left there. And the landlord said, like, we can clean everything out if you want.

And I said, don't you dare. Treasure trove. It's really like... What is old man stuff? Like Bengay. It ranges from a cabinet of the greatest old man ointments

and stuff that was just left there. Tinctures and salves. There's a bottle of something called Lectric Shave. Was there an apostrophe before Lectric? No, it's just Lectric. It predates the apostrophe. Yeah. And it's something you put on your face before you Electric Shave your face.

Lectric Shave. It's like Aqua Velvet, but it's a greener tint. And it's a full bottle. There was a denture cleaner. An original, like an old, old Spice. Oh, wow. Really old Spice. It's just called Spice.

It's called New Spice. To age, yes. Fandangled Spice. They left a beautiful record player. They left, you know, like there's all sorts of furniture and they left a wheelchair two sets of crutches a walker oh you're in so someone died in your place oh probably we were discussing that the other night that it could be there could be some ghost that's why i was like i don't i don't want to move around too much stuff

so that if the ghost comes back like you know like that's the thing i think is that if you move a ghost chair and it sits down yeah yeah because that's why the hauntings they come back to the house and everything's fucking crazy and like if you were a ghost and you came back to your house and everything was moved around and your electric shave wasn't there anymore. Where does the ghost go in the day? Oh, he's got all sorts of... He's in the garden. He's got his golf games.

Golf ghost games. And it sucks because if you want to talk to him and find out this stuff, you've got to bring Whoopi Goldberg. Sure. At the very least. And Egon, maybe. Yeah.

Also, the bathrooms all have things that help you pull yourself off the toilet. Oh, my. Which are great. Do you use those? Yeah, of course. Allow yourself to be lethargic after? Yeah. It's my time.

These are the salads. Do some chin-ups? Yeah. There's a thing. There's an apparatus in the shower to help you stand up. Oh, really? Does it have... Like a marionette?

Yeah, yeah. Like you're a marionette. That's what NSYNC used in that video where there were marionettes. It was just, you know, shower helpers. Is there a stairway? Yep. Does it have one of those things you sit on? Oh, no, no.

I mean, this is very... Everything in this place is from the 70s just kind of rope with knots that you pull yourself that's like that is literally the kind of it's all very like uh just very band-aid solutions everywhere so the the thing the apparatus in the shower is just a rope with a wooden soap on the rope? Because that might be something else. I've needed that. But the whole place is like, they built it and decorated it in the 70s, and that was it. So everything in it, it's the fake wood paneling, and the door is the exact same door from Eric Foreman's house in the 70s show. It's all, everything is do they have like the uh the kitchen like the dinette set where it's the the chairs have this sort of like orange vinyl cover

and it's riveted to the back close remember those it's like a brown with yellow like those are all those 70s colors are so great everywhere see them in airports yeah yeah the all the cupboards are like a dark brown that they don't make anymore is there a chance that it was just like a modern house uh but by a guy who's a big fan of that 70s show yeah yeah absolutely i mean the guy had his haircut exactly like red foreman so it's not a haircut well yeah he was bald he was bald if he was balding. He was bald. If that's balding, then completely bald is like a skull. Yeah, that's still balding. As long as there's hair somewhere on the skull. Around the head.

There's possibility of more balding. Could you maintain, could you actually shave the skin? Is it mentally possible to shave the skin off your head and have just a skull and maintain your life? Could that be the next step? I wonder, because what's between your skin and the skull? Could you seal around? Lots of blood. Could you put caulking around the wound?

It's not a bad idea. It would be the most punk thing. Just having a bit of skull exposed? Sure. I mean, this seems like if anybody was the man to do it, it would be the guy who rigged up all these things in this house well I think it's probably happened

just give him a razor and some caulking he'll put some electric shade on it by accident someone's had a head injury and has a bit of skull showing still a lot of people don't know that Ghost Rider is an actual that's based on a true story

yeah but it catches fire, that's fake no no no no no in the 70s there was a lot less asbestos than there is now is an actual, that's based on a true story. Yeah, but it catches fire. That's fake. No, no, no, no, no. In the 70s, there was a lot less asbestos than there is now. So things caught fire all the time. That's true. There's a lot of asbestos now. People are always using asbestos. I almost guarantee you this house has asbestos.

More like it has worse dose. No, you're not wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's getting hot in here. look at the tambourine um don't reach for that i saw him reaching for a tambourine that's not gonna redeem as worstos um that's the name of my new indie band that's not gonna that's not gonna redeem as worst no but you know what it's not uh well it, but you know what? It's not bad. It's all, you know what?

It's all turned out pretty alright. I think. Don't you think, guys? What are we talking about? Oh, just... Life in general. Yeah, yeah. Life in general. We're all healthy. Wealthy and wise. I didn't ever say those words. Are you living with a bunch of something over there? I'm living with a bunch of

fellas. I said it earlier and then I said that it sounded like a gay older man. I didn't say a gay. I said a bathhouse. Yeah, but no, but you said it sounded like a guy that grew up in a time when being gay wasn't acceptable. So then he had to say, I'm living with a bunch of fellas. Oh, no, I said that that would be like saying yeah like when there's an old and it's true because that is what a an elderly bachelor would refer to his gay pals as a bunch of fellas this is yeah from the navy yeah from my war days from the navy um all right guys well this is dangerous uh why is this dangerous uh well no i have a lit firecracker in my hand oh okay but really i do

live with a bunch of fellas and we did do some time in the navy do you pal around yeah we pal around is there a lot of i'm a confirmed bachelor a lot of uh leg wrestling yeah look there's leg wrestling there's uh a lot of pushing and shoving there's a lot of shirtless hijinks hijinks absolutely hijinks abound of course what are they going to do? Yeah, my question is this. If you are an older gay man who is not comfortable coming out of the closet, and you say something like, I live with a bunch of fellas, what do you say goes on in that house?

Like, what kind of fella activities? The actions of roastabouts. Yeah, absolutely. Some... Card night. Card night. Yeah, yeah. Mutual masturbation. Pot roasts.

Yeah, pot roasts. Absolutely. These are all things that elderly gay men with their fellas do. Yeah. Hey guys, do you want to take a quick break for some business? Oh, business! Life can be fun. Don't get carried away.

You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of beers in the house. This week's episode is brought to you by Comedy Bang Bang, which is on every Friday at 10pm on IFC. Yeah, it just premiered this past week, and this coming week is a brand new episode featuring Amy Poehler.

And she's going to talk about her feud with Mad Magazine, not to be missed! This week's episode is also brought to you by Bing, making search social. also brought to you by Bing, making search social. Think about it like Chandler Bing from Friends and how he used his friends to learn things via the web that was the central perk. Yeah. Bing is a search engine that has social search that takes results from the web at large as well as from your friends, Bing, on Facebook and Twitter and the like. Bing is for doing.

In addition to these ads, we also have something up on the Jumbotron this week. Hey, Jumbotron. Yeah, we have a birthday message. It is a birthday message to Tara A. Or Tara A. I just read it as Tara. From Mark B. Happy birthday, Tara.

Absolutely. And Mark has included a haiku for your birthday that Graham will read. Stage twos, three minutes. The orthopedic Nujing. Love all of your stuff. And we discussed earlier that stuff probably means, you know. Your business. Yeah.

The lower 48, as we call it in the junk game. If you would like a personal ad or a corporate ad on our show, head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Now, Graham, do you want to move on to some overheards? Okay. Overheard. Overheards. slash jumbotron now graham do you want to move on to some overheards okay overheard overheards things that you've overheard things that you've overseen uh things that go on in everyday life that you as the bumpers out there with your ears can hear with your eyes can see and we always like to start with the guest, Jai, if you would...

Hey, Grim, shut up! Now, before we do overheards, it's time for my favorite segment on the show, Celebrity Birthdays. Celebrity Birthdays. Celebrity Time. This is a time of the show where we

celebrate birthdays of celebrities. We're recording this on Tuesday, June the... Wednesday, June the 6th of 2012. And a big happy celebrity birthday. Dave, shut up! It's time for my favorite segment, which is

a little segment I like to call Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. It's time for the news, brother. Now, this week, we've got, it's a horn of plenty. It's a Hulk horn of plenty.

Wait, we have a phone call. Wait, cramp, shut up. It's Pat from Boston, and it's time for my favorite segment of the show. The weather in Boston. It's time for my favorite segment of the show The Weather in Boston It's the weather in Boston It's the weather in Boston Cloudy

Oh well, fair enough Well done, well done, was it Pat? It was Pat from Boston, the Irish guy from Boston Absolutely Now it's time for my favorite segment of the show, I'm going to plug something because you're going to tell celebrity birthdays. I put out a new video. It's a friend and I doing a song called Happy Birthday on Your Facebook Wall.

I've seen it. You can find it on YouTube if you type in my name, Jai Harris, J-Y Harris. And anytime it's a friend's birthday, every day on Facebook, someone has a birthday. And instead of being one of those lame-os that just puts happy birthday, you can put this video and it's us singing happy birthday on your Facebook wall. But it's a weird happy birthday. It's not the trademarked. It's a gummo happy birthday. It's a flappy flurflay.

It's a happy gummo birthday to you. So blow out your spaghetti in the tub. Alright, so... Now back to Hulk Hogan news. Okay, Hulk Hogan news. Like I said, this week it's a Horn Hulk Hogan news. Okay, Hulk Hogan news. Like I said, this week it's a horn Hulk Hogan aplenty. A cornucopy. Oh, that's where you're going.

Horn, I didn't know. Yeah, you know, it's not the greatest. It's not the greatest thing I've ever done, but it's not the worst. Earlier in the week, this is, you know, I don't know if this is news, but Hulk Hogan will often do kind of like a blast of retweets on Twitter. Oh, yeah. People who are like, hey, I've been a fan of yours since I was a kid. Can I get a retweet?

And then it's just like all of a sudden your Twitter feed is all Hulk Hogan retweeting people. and earlier in the week he retweeted somebody that said at Hulk Hogan hey Hulk, I went balls deep on Brooke, could I get a retweet? and he retweeted that and there was a lot of people that were like why would you retweet that?

and I think it's fair to say that it's like some sort of bot or something Brooke being Hulk's daughter yeah, exactly and this guy being a guy who went balls deep well maybe, you know what? or something at this point. Brooke being Hulk's daughter. Yeah, exactly. And this guy being a guy who went balls deep. Well, maybe, you know what? It's not hard to go balls deep.

At least for me, it's not. You put it in and that's what stops it. Does that mean putting the balls in as well? No, I don't think so. Some balls, it's like, I'm eating my cereal spoon deep yeah yeah spoon deep i went to school with a guy named why is that allowed um because

because i didn't specify his race that's right uh okay so that that's item number one on the hulk hogan agenda okay there's more it's a plenty. Yeah, it's not a horn of a little bit. Is he with shaved head now? I heard he shaved his head and mustache. Nope. He said he was going to for movie roles, and then his agents were like, Ixnay on the doing anything but Hulk Hogan. Hey, how am I

going to get a part in a Neil Simon movie with this mustache? Neil Simon movie? Well, based upon a work by... Yeah, the out-of-towners. Yeah. The, uh, um, I don't know, any other Neil Simon?

Lost in Yonkers. I used to masturbate to Mercedes Rule. That was the movie. Nope. There's no cutting in show business. Um, now this is another thing that one of the listeners to the show brought to my attention. You know the website Reddit?

Uh-huh. R-E-D-D-I-T? Yep. This is a gentleman named Casey Amazing. Great name. Posted a story about being at a liquor store in Carson, California. And when I was paying for my beer,

I noticed a picture of Hulk Hogan on the wall behind the register. It was surveillance footage of him at that register. I pointed to the picture and asked, is that Hulk Hogan? What was he doing in this area? The man, who was the owner of the place, said,

he bought a wine cooler and he's an asshole. I laughed and said, I'm a wrestling fan. Why do you not like him? The said he owes me money he walked out and he still owes me money i was laughing and asked him to tell me more he said in a very thick korean accent i will not do the accent uh don't do it either john uh he paid with credit card and it declined. Hogan said, let me give you an autograph and we can call it even, brother. I told him, no, I want money, which is hilarious. I would have taken the autograph in a second. For a wine cooler?

Yeah. Um, anyways, he said that I'll get you back. And, uh, but the, the, in the telling of the story, he uses the word brother over and over again. Don't worry about it. I'll get you back, brother. Don't worry, brother. So, you know, so that's a thing that may or may not.

That's an unconfirmed Reddit story. Sure. But I thought I would bring it up. Okay. So that's all you have, right? No, Dave. So Hulk Hogan is allegedly a thief. Allegedly.

Allegedly. That's the key word. is allegedly a thief allegedly allegedly that's the key word um you don't want to you don't want to accuse him because he will uh you know bring the hulk thunder as he says yeah yeah yeah he will careful jai i will wrestle you to death he said oh here i come. I'm the Hulk store. I can't hear you. Now, finally, the last bit of Hulk Hogan news was Spin Magazine did a feature on the fat guy from the Insane Clown Posse. Chubbo. Yeah. Chubbo Hilario.

What's his name? Violent J? One of them is called that So they were touring his house And At one point they come across They were walking to his office And Violent J has a giant

Hulk Hogan statue In front of his office And said we were driving through New York City On one of our first tours and I saw this Chilling in a window. I mean, it's a mannequin. They don't chill. They are just what they are.

Unless it's today's special, my favorite childhood. I caught this mannequin on its break. He said, I stopped the bus. I see Hulk Hogan and Bruce Lee. I bought Hulk Hogan and my brother got the Bruce Lee statue. I forgot you were talking about statues. I thought that's quite a... They were fighting.

Now, I want to say that of any possible statue that you could own, this is probably the worst rendering of Hulk Hogan that I've ever seen. And there's a photo here. And I would like to show it first to Jai so that he can see what I've ever seen. And there's a photo here and I would like to show it first to Jai so that he can see what I'm talking about. Oh, wow. So he's like very pale in it.

He's got very powerful blue eyes. He looks like... When you see... I don't know how to tackle this. When you see... Okay, in Born in East LA, Cheech goes over to Paul Rodriguez's house uh swears that the

eyes of the jesus on his velvet jesus painting are moving this looks like a white version of that jesus with blush yeah he's got like very blushy cheeks and his mustache instead of being a mustache looks like it's cut from a blonde wig So it's just like a curl of hair for the mustache. I can't wait until I get to see it. Beautiful, beautiful eyes. Very taking eyes. And they've got the old man bicep wrinkle down perfectly. Yeah.

And the bandana he's wearing says wrestler. So this is a generic. It's like the figures that you would buy from the dollar store. Yeah. Where it's instead of GR Joe, it's like the figures that you would buy from the dollar store yeah where it's instead of gr joe it's army yeah his left foot looks like it's a tentacle in a boot like it doesn't look like a foot like they didn't render the foot like a food it looks like something the cake boss would make yeah he's got a bit of a dame edna face he's got yeah the blush is very uh off-putting but you know what uh uh maybe it would be predated bronzer oh sure absolutely he's got some blush on in there yeah he's got blush he's got powerful

blue eyes he's known as the wrestler he's got one tentacle leg and he's wearing a chain remember hulk hogan's famous chain phase he went through yeah he borrowed it off mr t for a date exactly for a date so that's hulk hogan news living with a bunch of fellows i'm sure dave will do everyone the favor of posting that photo at the blog at maximumfun.org so everyone can see this beautiful old lady dressed like hulk Hogan for her 50th birthday. And now it is back to celebrity birthdays. Today, June 6th, happy 37th celebrity birthday to step-by-step star Stacey Keenan. Oh, was that the guy that lived in like, he was like the Kato Kaelin?

No, that was Sasha. Oh, Sasha. Sasha something. Oh, the girl. Cody was the character. But Stacey Keenan was also on My Two Dads. She was the daughter of the two dads. Now, who am I thinking of?

Stacey Keach. Stacey Keach. It is not his 37th. The two dads were Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan. That's right. Did he ever work again? Yeah. Did he ever work again?

Yeah! Happy celebrity birthday to Kid Rock's pal and avuncular snack Uncle Cracker is 38th today. I'm sure it was going to be Bubba Sparks. Bubba Bubba. Happy 45th birthday

to Vinny Del Pino from Doogie Howser MD, Max Casella Oh, and from Newsies fame, I believe I believe he was also in The Sopranos as well He played a newsie in The Sopranos Also turning 45 today actor Paul Giamatti

Who my present physical body is a tribute to Me and Paul Giamatti, if you see us both from the neck down, it would be a fun thing on BuzzFeed.

Happy 56th birthday to tennis star and underwear magnate Bjorn Borg. Oh, yeah. He's got a line of underwear. Is that right? Yeah. What are they called? Bjorn Borg. Oh. Yeah. He's got a line of underwear. Is that right? Yeah.

What are they called? Bjorn Borg underwear. Oh, that's lazy. Not Bjonderwear. Or, yeah. Bjonderwear. And the answer to this week's trivia question, this actor, oh, brother, was like the spokesman for face burns. What?

They're like burns on your face. Like the spokesman for promoting face burns? He made face burns very popular. Promoting a foundation that helps? No, just face burns. Why is your face unburnt? Robert England. The guy who played Freddy Krueger. Happy Celebrity Birthday to you.

Is that what he was doing in that movie? Stripe shirts and face burns. Is that true that it was put on by the face burn lobby? Well, the first one was. The rest were just money-making endeavors for the fat boys. I have that album at home. Ready for Freddy? Yeah.

Where the fat boys... All you can eat. Those are they. Are they all dead? No. The Fat Boys? No. At least two of them died of heart attacks.

No. I think two of the three. One of them is no longer fat. I know that. The lighter, the fairer skinned of the three, he lost a lot of weight. They became orderlies. Now, guys, it's time for overheard. It's time for Fat Boy Talk.

Fat Boy Talk and John about Jaws. Chewing the Fatboys. Our Fatboy podcast. It's just, like, to look at, like, hip-hop now and imagine that the Fatboys were a part of the voyage from... Like, right? They were huge. Chunky A. Chunky A. Who's Chunky A? the voyage from yeah like right yeah it's like chunky a chunky a what was who's chunky a arsenio hall was chunky a before he did it was a character he did that he became a legitimate he had an album

out wow yeah chunky a go find it it looks he looks like heavy d on the cover where will i go it's you'll find it in any uh. Is there CD stores anymore? Yeah. There's always, it's in the 99 cent bin. Chunky A, large and in charge. Yeah, I was listening to that. Oh, dog attack. So what are we talking about? That there was like a BBR's Big Beautiful Rappers. No, I just mean that rappers were so bad.

I thought that's where we were going. Bad, good bad or bad bad? No, like in the 80s if you listen to like i heard that uh uh basketball song by curtis blow oh and it's like eight minutes long and it's the same thing and it's like looping i like the way they dribble up and down the court basketball is my favorite sport put the ball right through the hoop that's literally it. It's just describing events that the guy

enjoys. And he lists like ten basketball players in it and says they're all his favorite. Yeah. My favorite player is Isaiah Thomas. Daryl Dawkins is the best at dunks. Very good Daryl Dawkins call on that. Anyway,

rapping was very easy in the 80s. Yeah, but I feel like... I don't know, I feel like I... That was them as they were discovering they were having a heart attack. Yeah. But there was one... One of them did like this crazy like... He did like...

It was just him burping and laughing at the same time. I'm going to go home and listen to some Fat Boys. All right, Overherds. Overherds is the segment that we started. Lo, those many years ago. Now, Jai, if you would, lead us in the Overherds. You said you have two. One's an Overherd, and it's from a few years back

and the other is something I was part of I guess the overheard I was just at a bus stop hanging out sure in between cars

yeah wasn't waiting for nothing and there was a girl that I guess the bus hadn't hanging out. Sure, sure. In between cars. Yeah, wasn't waiting for nothing. And there was a girl that, I guess, the bus hadn't arrived yet. It was supposed to arrive. And there was a girl on her cell phone. She was a bit younger, maybe 14, 15. And she was very perturbed that the bus had not arrived. And she was complaining to her friend.

And she said, the bus is late. I swear to God god this is so gay and immediately i thought of if that was actually all true stuff like if she was actually able to speak to a deity like a god that's what she swore to him that the fact that the act of the bus being late was homosexual leviticus that's why the church is against gay marriages like no more late buses yeah tick tock buses and so just the lack of the lack of i mean vocabulary in that like in this right yeah

coming generation right guys the bus is tardy and I'm not appreciative of this fact right now my friend on the phone yeah yeah swear to god if this bus has sex with another bus yeah

well no but it wouldn't be the bus it would be the bus being late right having sex with another bus the act of it being late right yeah she didn't say the bus

she said I swear to god the bus being late if the tardiness of this bus has sex with the tardiness of another bus but the other bus has to be it the bus being late. If the tardiness of this bus has sex with the tardiness of another bus. But the other bus has to be the same sexuality of tardiness of bus. Sure.

Oh, man. I think we could really all be really good English teachers. Yeah. The way that we broke down that sentence. That would be so gay to be an English teacher. Now, Dave, we'll come back around and get the other one on the other end. I got my good one out of the way, and it wasn't that great, so I don't know that the other

one needs to really be... We're going to leave you in charge of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll see. I'll ponder during the... You'll see how well we do. Dave? Mine is one where I'm actually a character in it.

I was at a grocery store the other day And I was walking through an aisle And there was an elderly woman I'd say, not elderly, but like older Mid-70s She was 43 Mid-70s, but not decrepit or anything Elderly always just makes me think of like You know, she's on her way out

Like this statue of hulk hook um and she uh was standing right by the gatorade and she said excuse me can you help me do you know where the gatorade is and i was like all of this stuff here this is all gatorade. And she asked, now, why do people get Gatorade? Like, no, she asked, what does it do? And I was like, um, oh, I mean it, like, if you're thirsty or dehydrated

or, like, you've been exercising, it sort of replenishes stuff. And she said, oh, dehydrated. Okay. Well, I guess this is no good and i hadn't noticed this uh but she was carrying a 12 pack of uh root beer i guess this is no good and she puts it down i'm coaching a sports team they want to gatorade so i picked up this oh that's so that's so innocent though like she was just trying to she just trying to help out and didn't know about something that...

But wait, now, she's... Say, let's say in this scenario, she's 70. I'm saying 75-ish. Okay, so she's 75. Finkel. So Gatorade was invented... I think in the late 70s? Over 25 years ago?

Yeah, but, you know... So she's... It's never been marketed to the over 50s. No, but, you know, she maybe...... It's never been marketed to the over 50s. No, but, you know, she maybe... Okay, let's just play this scenario in full. She was married to a fella, right? And that fella ended up, they divorced, and he moved in with a bunch of other fellas.

But at the time, he watched a lot of football. He does a lot of press-ups. Did she think that they were dumping root beer on the head of the coach at the end of a game? Well, she didn't watch it. What did she do? she was moving in with a bunch of gals maybe maybe she was sometimes you can go through life not knowing something that you should i remember graham when i had to tell you the i was there at a comedy club about six years ago when i found out that graham clark very intelligent gentleman

thought that the word penguin was spelt with a q yeah i thought it was until i corrected him he thought it was penguin yeah penguin that's about right yeah it's about right it's it's no no i don't mean it's about right for the word i mean it's about right for graham no but you see like it's not root beer and gatorade it's's penguin and penguins. But you'd heard people say penguin, and you'd seen various penguins, I'm sure, on nature specials. But they were never wearing name tags. Any ice level of a Nintendo game, jump on the penguin and make him go away. You're not wrong. In this woman's defense, Gatorade doesn't say Gatorade on it anymore.

It says G2 or whatever. It's all... Oh, that's just so confusing to the elderly. Oh, what if they just shorten down all the... It's not rations, it's R1. Her second question about what it does, it doesn't do anything. It's just, it's water that tastes different.

Oh, but it hydrates. No, it... It doesn't work as well as water. It electrolytes. There's certain drugs where after a night of dancing and taking those drugs, Gatorade is the solution. I'm not promoting drugs or saying that I've ever done them, but I know that Gatorade. We're talking about bath salts or whatever. Bath salts.

Guys, I also have an overhurt. Oh, thank goodness. That I was a part of. Yeah? The other weekend, last weekend, I was part of a, I was the headline act as a part of a cancer, a suicide pact. So it was weird because the audience wasn't as lively. But why did they do it before I got up? I need to get paid. Who do I talk to about getting paid?

It was a... And suicide is now called S2. Where do I find all the suicide goods? I guess I shouldn't buy this self-death beer. Sorry. Self-death beer? Yeah. Okay. So I was at a cancer fundraiser for a group of guys that were going to run in a race that raised money for cancer research.

It was called Fuck Cancer was the name of the group. Aggressive. Absolutely. And after the show, one of the guys that was part of the team had been a guy who beat cancer. He had been diagnosed and went through several aggressive rounds of chemotherapy. And he came over just to say he enjoyed the show. And I asked him about, because I've had friends who've gone through chemo, they lose their hair and they get this brand new hair that's like the softest hair in the world.

Like it's brand new baby hair but on an adult and so i asked him about that and he was talking he kept talking talking i kind of faded out and uh when i faded back in he was talking about how he used to shave his balls and uh he didn't have to anymore because of the chemo he was like my balls they were, they were like two eggs. And I was like, in my head, I was like, wow, how big are these guys' balls? And eggs were the thing that... I didn't specify, it could have been quail eggs. No, you're right, that's true. That's my own bias, egg-wise.

He's like, oh, smooth like two eggs. And brittle. And free-range, right? No doubts. This is a very adult episode. eggs and brittle and free range right no doubts this is a very adult episode yeah absolutely you know what we should have balls too guys do you know what we also have overheards oh wait do you want to go no no okay fair enough we also have

overheards that are sent in by listeners from around the world. If you want to do the same, you can send them in to StopPodcastYourself at gmail.com. And we'll start with... This is from Carlos in Los Alamos, New Mexico. Oh, wow. Not from Iceland. Not Carlos the Viking? My wife went

to see the latest Twilight movie at the Cineplex. I did not come along, I swear. When the wolf guy took off his shirt, a couple of older ladies in front of her reacted with a sassy mmm.

Not unlike someone enjoying a cheesecake pretty discerning um yeah sure right yeah uh this is a lady she earlier in the day was tasked with finding some gatorade she blew it and she's like at least i can go see that wolf boy um how many more of those movies are there i feel like they've been sort of overshadowed there's only 14 more oh the next one is uh twilight eight citizens on them troll troll because what it was that they the cops had trained the citizens to do their job this is a police academy this is a police academy reference. And that's the only movie in history where David Spade's stunt double is Tony Hawk. Is that right?

Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. What about in Black Sheep? What about in the one... During the Ollie sequence. Yeah, what about in the two or three other movies David Spade has been in? Where Chris Farley is his... Oil.

Oil. This next one comes from Elizabeth in Mountain View, California. Mountain View, California. Picture it. Mountain View. Nice view of the mountains. I was on a train coming back from San Francisco at about 6 o'clock. A few stops in, a group of ten terrible loud party types, in costume, with beer, being so loud. We've all been on transit when this has occurred. Came on the train.

They were already pretty drunk, and a few of them sat behind me. One of the girls was dressed in a Dora the Explorer costume and was sitting with a guy who I want to say was a pirate. Question mark. So, either he was with them or was a guy that just looked like a pirate who was already on the bus. One of the fellas. Pirate.

Hey, has Dora explored her sexuality? Dora. Oh yeah. Pirate. So, what side of the map does she like. Dora, oh yeah, pirate. So, what side of the map does she like? Dora, coyly, both sides. Alright. Now, so that meant, in that

conversation, both the pirate guy had to know that there was a thing about a map. So he's watched some children's programming. And also, she was hoping to get laid to dress as Dora i guess yeah i mean what would uh what what what could she say to not get laid like what leave me alone yeah or maybe she just likes most of the earth that you'd find on the map yeah yeah yeah and is it the other side

of the map where there's nothing on the other side yeah exactly she represents heterosexuality and then not anything on the other side or vice versa I'm very bad at folding does that help anything? but you know what's weird about this Overheard is it's not

for Halloween yeah so when else does that happen that you dress up in costumes? when you have what are those called?

I was invited to one last week, a masquerade ball. Oh, yeah. Did you go? No, I did not. Do you think they were going to, like, an Eyes Wide Shut-style masquerade ball on the bus? Do you think that she was the only one that didn't get that it was supposed to be a sexy costume, and she showed up as a Dora? Yeah, wearing her dumb backpack.

Maybe it's Dora from the future. Maybe Dora is done with her exploring and then has to explore herself. Sure. And make some bad decisions at some bad clubs. Yeah. What was the, who's the guy in Dora? Diego. Diego.

Her and Diego had a thing. They had a falling out. Her and the map. Her and the purple monkey. Yeah. Boots. Yeah. Whose boots have your bed been something.

All right. You know what? If I had said that in the right order, I think we all would have had a good chuckle. Whose boots have your bed been something. Yeah. We can puzzle piece it together. Yeah. I figured you guys knew what I was going for.

Finally, from Japan. All the way on the other side of the map. My three... This is from Jeanette in Japan. My little three-year-old students were coloring today at a tiny table. I was telling

them which color crayons to use. When I said purple, a little kid picked his up, looked at it closely, said kiri no unchi desu ne or beautiful poop isn't it oh yeah it kind of makes you think about what the fuck that kid was saying what the kid thought he was seeing beautiful for purple is japanese poop purple oh probably it's purple? Oh, probably. Is purple poop Japanese?

Oh, you're asking the hard questions. Does it smell like grape? Sure. Everything purple does. Oh, I thought this was like the third stanza of a poem. Yeah, this is a haiku. Is purple poop... Is all purple poop Japanese and is Japanese. This episode is at the same time both very adult and very childish. I would recommend that this episode would probably be best listened to on bath salts.

I've heard that it really enhances comedy. This episode is triple X, but each X stands for xylophone. In addition to overheards that have been written in, we also accept overheards from your telephones. If you have a telephone, put this number into it. 206-339-8328. And listen to these phone calls, you jerk. Hey, Dave Graham.

This is Graham from Athens, Georgia. So during the summer, I coach little kids. Oh, this is an overheard, by the way. During the summer, I coach little kids how to swim, and they have some pretty wacky overheards. This one comes from, like, a little girl and a little boy just sort of swimming right next to each other. And then one looks over at the other

and is like, man, you're really bad at kicking. Are you from the 1940s or something? A little kid. Possibly born in 2007. I think that kid just figured out that saying something to somebody,

hey, are you from the 1940s, is a pretty good insult. Yeah. Like, no matter what you do. No matter what they're doing. There's not a lot of kicking, though, in 1940s movies. No, or swimming. Yeah, that's true. War scenes and pugilism.

Yeah, and anytime there was a bathing beauty, she was usually doing synchronized swimming with, like, 20 other ladies. Yeah, and her legs were up in the air. She wasn't doing any kicking at all. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Wearing a very revealing clown costume. A very revealing bathing cap.

Back then they'd actually wear trunks, but it would be they'd be put in a trunk and sent out to the water. God doesn't want to see a lady in water and skin in the same breath. Just the head exposed. That's how they started going over the falls of the water. God doesn't want to see a lady in water and skin in the same breath. Just the head exposed. That's how they started going over the falls of the barrel. Those were the original ladies. Next phone call.

Now this phone call is, well, it's kind of matched the tone of this show. Oh, alright. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. I'm calling in with an overheard that happened mere moments ago. Some friends and I were sitting on top of a roof enjoying a nice Vancouver sunset, and a neighbor came up and surprised us all.

He kind of popped his head through the hole on the roof and said very angrily, hey, you listen now and you listen good. Nobody leaves this door open. Then he kind of comes up and does a complete 180 and says, look at that sunset. Man, this place thanks so many women up here. And then we're all kind of laughing, not really knowing how to cope with the situation.

And he says, you know, go downstairs, sushi, come upstairs, lay out the blanket. You're eating pussy in no time. And getting your dick sucked. I apologize for that. No apology necessary.

So this guy, first of all, there's a hole in his roof. So get that patch. I think he meant entryway. Yeah, I don't think it was just like a hole in the roof. I don't think it was like Home Alone 2 when they're renovating in his uncle's house. All of your movie references are from between 1987 and 1990. That's the only time I viewed any sort of entertainment on screen.

in 1993. That's the only time I viewed any sort of entertainment on screen. So this guy would have sushi downstairs. Bring the lady upstairs. For oral sex? Yeah, the lady that he'd

just eaten sushi off of, presumably. Off of? Yeah. She was one of those naked sushi plate ladies. Sure. Do you think that those

ladies have business cards that say naked sushi plate? I specialize in keeping my body temperature really low. It says, fresh fresh squared. Aww. Why?

Yeah, well, why not? This is a real groaner of an episode. It's been worse, hasn't it? Oh, sure. And finally... Hey, Dave Graham and potential guests. This is Jason from Baltimore, and I have it overheard. I was at a Starbucks, which is a boutique coffee shop we have here in the U.S., and I was waiting in line to place my order.

The two women in front of me were commenting about the newspaper's front page story, which was about a local cannibalism incident, which occurred shortly after the Miami face-hitting incident. I know, it's a lovely country we have here. Anyway, as they discuss the story, one woman says to the other, if there is ever a zombie attack, Justin is the one you want to talk to. He knows a lot about zombies and attacks. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, go to the barista. Justin knows not just about like he knows about other things aside from attacks like just when zombies are docile and mingling yeah yeah yeah zombie behavior yeah and also any kind of attacks oh oh that's right i'm assuming yeah i'm assuming she like he knows about zombies. Everything about zombies. It's like a Venn diagram. Zombies, attacks, and then the part in the middle. He also knows about that new tax that the government is... On zombies. A tax.

Attacks on zombies. I'm sure we could have made that work. Shania Twain could have rearranged the words for us. She was here, boots under your bed. Boots under your text. Whose bed has your boots been under? No, is that it? Yeah. Yeah, I said it right. I meant to say it wrong and then I said it right.

Well, if anybody else wants to call us with engaging overheards or if you get drunk and you got like a temptation to call an ex or tell your boss off or whatever, don't. Call us at 206-339-8328 and just vent that stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Get your drunk dial on. Yeah, absolutely. And get jiggy with it. Yeah. RIP, Will Smith. Really important person. Now, Jai.I.P. Will Smith. Really important person. Now, Jai.

Yes. Thank you very much for being our guest. Wait, before we wrap up the show. Oh! Let's take a quick break. This week's episode is brought to you by Comedy Bang Bang. Every Friday night at 10 o'clock on IFC. It's Scott Aukerman.

It's Reggie Watts. The guest this week will be Amy Poehler. And also, there's a scientist coming on to help Scott and Reggie remember their dreams. IFC, 10 o'clock this Friday. Now, Jai, thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. Now, your delight. Where can people find these?

First of all, the Facebook video. Where can they find that? That's all, the Facebook video. Where can they find that? That's on this website, youtube.com. No, that's just the letter U and then a picture of a tube. And it's T-O-O-O. There's eight O's. It's YouTube. It's Penquin.

And.com is K-O-H-M. Penquin.org. Yeah. Yeah, it's called happy birthday on your Facebook wall there's many videos if you type in my name

and go to go to YouTube you'll you'll find a cornucopia a hulkucopia of a hornuhulku

hornuhulku copia pastiche of absurdities and and the Jerry Springer the aforementioned yeah

oh nice do you have a website i i i do have a website i believe it's still up i i i have no credit to speak of and i'm uh i'm using a a credit card that is a sort of a subsidiary of my mom's account and uh she's recently gone into bad credit so my subsidiary card has not been working and i haven't been able to pay my my service provider so i think it's still up there but there's just i'm not able to update it that's all a joke i'm doing very well and uh i just have chosen not to have any tour dates on there for a while it's a retro tour date i'm just reminiscing about ones that i had in about

february or march is that is there anywhere you know that you're going to be soon? The website is jyharris.tv. And I will be this weekend, the 8th and 9th, I'll be at the Vancouver Yuck Yucks. And this episode will be out right after that. Oh, then I will be... So what do you have coming up? I've got some local... Before I go back to Toronto, I've got some local Vancouver dates.

When's it coming out? Wednesday episode? Monday. Oh, Monday. Well, Monday I'll be at a place called Hyde on Main Street in Vancouver. And then Tuesday I'll be at a place called Keno in Vancouver on Canby Street. And Wednesday a place called Corduroy, also in Vancouver. And then flying back to Toronto for a little radio head action.

What time does your flight land? Yeah. and then flying back to Toronto for a little radio head action. What time does your flight land? Yeah. What time my flight lands for all the gymaniacs out there. Due to some incidents, I'm currently now single, and I will be accepting applications at the Toronto airport at about 11 p.m. next Thursday. Remember to have your application double-spaced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, Times New double spaced. Yeah. Times New Roman font. Actually it's Georgia. Georgia font. Oh Georgia font. Georgia font. Ladies remember Thursday or fellas. You never know. You got a fella house.

A flouse. Remember that show from the 80s, Fellow House? Yeah. Dave, do you have anything? You take the good, you take the bad. No, I think I'm good. Fellow house. And you, Graham?

The comedy special, the aforementioned comedy special. The stand-up comedians.com. And thank you to all who downloaded it already. And thank you to all of you who listen to the show each and every week thank you guys very much for having me oh thank you for being on the show and if you like the show tell your friends

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself show me that smile again show me that smile