Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 223 - Abby Shumka

Episode Date: June 26, 2012

Abby Shumka returns to talk sewing, soccer, and getting barfed on.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 223 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who proposed this mathematical equation just before we started the podcast that he would rather two Adam Sandlers in a film than an Adam Sandler and a Kevin James, Mr. Dave Shumka.

That's right. We both separately watched Jack and Jill over the past 24 hours. Yeah, which I don't know how that happened. And Graham thinks it's remarkable and crazy, and I think it's not the worst. You thought it was just, it falls inside of Adam Sandler's regular canon? Yeah, it's not as bad as I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

starring Adam Sandler and Kevin James. Would you put it above or below The Waterboy? Below. It's below, so Waterboy's better. Yeah, everything 20th century Adam Sandler, which is his film company. His most prolific.

20th century Sandler is better than 21st century. Right. Except, is there anything in the 21st century that's been, like, people really liked? I don't think so. I mean, I don't include things like Punch Drunk Love. What about Spanglish? Where do you fall...

Where does Spanglish fall in the whole lineup? I did like that Jack and Jill kept the tradition of Adam Sandler movies where he lives in a mansion. Yeah, really? Why is it that they always say Adam Sandler movies where he lives in a mansion. Yeah, really? Why is it that they always say Adam Sandler plays like the common man, but in all of his movies he's married to like a supermodel who lives in a mansion? Yeah, I don't know.

Real average Joe kind of stuff. Before we introduce our guest this week, I just wanted to remind our listeners. Actually, there's a few things. Oh, geez. Get ready. Okay. We are nominated for a Canadian Comedy Award. Yeah. In the podcast

category. And you, the listener, the public, are encouraged to vote at CanadianComedy.ca. You do need to register. It's really quick. You need a Canadian postal code. Yeah. No cheating. Honesty is the best policy. If we win this, we'd like to do it legitimately.

Secondly, we will be doing a live podcast as a part of the Oleo Festival here in Vancouver. Yes. That is September 21st to 23rd-ish. Yeah, we're on the Friday night of the festival at the Electric Owl. And we have a guest lined up. We're not going to announce that just yet, but I just wanted to let people know that because if they buy passes to the entire festival, their

half price, their $30 instead of $60 up until the end of the month. Yes. So go to oleofestival.com. O-L-I-O. And I also wanted to mention that Max FunCon East is coming up in October.

And we can't announce whether we're going to be there, but if you want to go to that, you should consider going to that. If you want to hear more in-depth conversation about Adam Sandler's back catalog in like a real kind of fall country

setting, maybe that's the ticket for you. Yeah, maxfuncon.com. Okay. Okay. Business. Plugs aplenty. Our guest today, one of the all-time greats, one of the heavy hitters of the Stop Podcasting Yourself megaverse.

She is an extraordinarily talented lady, and her own person, Miss Abby Campbell slash Shumka. Shumka! Yeah. Mrs. That's right. Mrs.

Sorry, guys. I feel like I blew that whole thing. Welcome back. That's me. I'm back. Yeah, yeah. Is it, is it officially Abby Shumka? According to my bank.

Yeah, I do most of the things by the bank. But not the government. Oh, God, I haven't gone that far. No, yeah. Why don't you just shorten it to Abby? I got business cards. Just do, like, Roseanne. Apparently, it's not the same as, like, changing your name.

You only have to do it piecemeal, like, when you renew your Auto Club membership. Oh, yeah, I have to, like, I'm going to wait until I renew my passport in two years when I get that one there. Yeah. Oh, I see. So you don't have to, when I get that one there, but yeah. Oh, I see. So you don't have to, you don't do it once. And then that goes out to all the,

Oh, I wish. Oh my, if only for that simple. Um, maybe, do you think that's why Roseanne eventually just became Roseanne because of the constant.

Yeah. She's been married so many times. Um, uh, would you want to get to know us? Oh, sure do. Get to know us. Get to know us? Oh, sure do Get to know us Get to know us

Guys, Abby, how are you? Well, before we get to know us Shut up, Dave I'm sorry We said we were going to mention this There's a camera crew here Yeah, there's two camera people filming us It's a whole crew

It's a whole crew,. Yeah, there's two camera people filming us. It's a whole crew. It's a whole crew, yeah. And it's for a documentary about failure, of which I am the star. And so it's weird, right? Yeah, it's weird to have people here. There's only three of us. And even then, it gets very schvitz-y in this room. Oh, yeah, we are boiling. Yeah, and I'm wearing a wool hat.

Bad choice, Graham. But yeah, so that accounts for any weird feeling you're getting on your end. Yeah, do these guys sound like they're maybe being held hostage? like there may be being held hostage. Like they're doing some blinking in some kind of Morse code at us. How funny do you think you could be

in a hostage situation? Like talking to... Okay, so you're talking to someone who doesn't know there's a hostage and you're trying to let them know that there is without letting the hostage... Oh, you mean like you're doing like an improv game? You're not letting your captor know that you're letting... Anyway, I'm confused.

No, I think you're having a diehard situation where the one like smarmy guy at the beginning tries to like sidle up to the... To what's his name? Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, he's doing cocaine in Bruce Willis' wife's office the first time you see him. And he tries to be like,

I totally understand where you're coming from. And then they just fucking kill him. Yeah, yeah. Like, how funny do you think you'd be? You have to be funnier than that guy is. Smarmy.

Right. Okay. So that they don't kill you right away. Yes. So you're going to win over your captors with comedy. Yeah, kill them with comedy. Yeah, with the international language of laughter.

Yeah, if they don't speak English, then you're going to have to do some kind of just for laughs gag. I was going to say you'd have to rely on just for laughs gag. Yeah, and also you would have to be sure that you weren't doing something that was commonplace in your culture, offensive in their culture. Sure. Unless they love shock comedy, in which case they may really enjoy it. These guys are really edgy. Okay, Abby,

let's get to know you. Now, since last you were a guest on the podcast, I believe when you were last on, you were in the midst of doing your fashion studies. Was it right after Dave and I got married? Was that the last time? Or has there been a time in between?

No. When are you guys going to get married again? We're going to have our one-year anniversary in a couple months. You're all invited. Same place, same time. Yeah. We're going to renew our vows yearly.

Like Klum. Klum and Seal. Klum and Seal, yeah. Are they getting back together? Maybe for Halloween. They're going to have annual divorce parties. Really? They're the greatest.

At Halloween. What a great couple. Yeah. They really are. They are the top Halloween couple. Yeah. Next to fictional couple Dan and Roseanne on Roseanne. They were amazing.

And Gomez and what's her face? Adams. Leticia. Yeah. Yeah. But they were Halloween by default. What did they do on Halloween? They were 365.

Yeah. Yeah, right? That was their company, Halloween 365. Ink. Did you guys hear that they're redoing the Munsters as a- Is Jerry O'Connell involved? He plays the dad. Herman. What? Yeah, he plays the dad. Herman.

What? Yeah. No. And Ellen DeGeneres' wife is... Portia de Rossi. Is... Morticia. Is Morticia Munster.

No, the other lady. The other lady. Midge. Midge Munster. Midge Munster. I have zero familiarity with the Munsters. All I know is that the dad's a Frankenstein. I know the kid called you on your birthday.

Yeah, Graham got Eddie Munster to call me on my birthday. Yeah. What's his name? Butch Patrick. Butch Patrick. And then the mother's a vampire, the kid is a werewolf. Dad's a Frankenstein. Dad's a Frankenstein.

And he was played by Fred Hurst? No. Oh, was he played by the judge from my cousin vinnie yeah yeah okay yeah ed months yeah um to you um but yeah you had just gotten uh married you were studying in fashion deep in my like roller coaster crazy crazy, crazy program. Which you are now, you've successfully completed. Which I am now over. Yeah, and now you're... I'm over it, and I'm over it. When did you get over it?

The second one. Took me a while, actually. Because my brain was still like... Do you miss it? Do you miss the school craziness? No. Because it got real crazy. Yeah. I've seen that show run project runway yeah there's a lot of yeah a lot of sweat a lot of tension tight deadlines late nights

and your stuff that you made was beautiful because i went to your um yes my little show that i had yeah and you did stuff uh with uhka dots. Yes, the polka dots took over my life. I was literally dreaming about them. Were you really? Yes, there would be a chair covered in it, or somebody would be wearing it, or it would be a painting of the pattern. It saturated my existence.

That's very Twin Peaks. It was freaky. She was on hallucinogens at the time. I was doing peyote the entire time. Just nonstop. And now your work, you're actually making stuff. In the real world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For real people. Yeah. And I'm doing job interviews and stuff. Right? Yeah. Ugh, I'm jealous. Oh, I don't, yeah. Career girl.

Yeah, but don't be jealous of the interview part. That part sucks. I haven't been on a job interview. And I'm good at that part, and it fucking sucks. Wait, did you just go on one recently? Yeah, Friday. Was it yesterday? Awesome.

Yeah? Yeah. I haven't been in a job interview for like three years, and I don't think I would know. I think I would horse around a lot. I don't think I would get to a point, hit on them, start unbuttoning my shirt um complaining about how hot it is yeah the last one i went on was during a heat wave and i was sweating like on bare like like my bot it's my current job and my boss is like i always think back to that time you came in for the interview and you were soaked in sweat oh really yeah oh wow like i

i sat right down and like i should have gone to the bathroom for hey can i can i wipe myself down they were like hot coffee and you're like sure anything to be a team player if you're one of us you'll drink the coffee um and how are you in the job interviews me yeah um for a while i was like great like 100 every job interview i had i got a job and then there was really yeah wow and then i went through a dry spell um uh but my favorite one was the uh i used to edit video, and I found this job once for, it was to be like a forensic video analyst for a police department. Whoa. And so I would be like looking at security tapes. Reviewing footage.

Yeah. Yeah, and I was so excited about the idea of getting to go to the gun range after work to blow off some steam and getting out of speeding tickets and stuff. But then it was like a government job, so there was a panel that came in and interviewed me. And they had written questions, and they all would write down the answers as I wrote them. Give me four examples of how you use this skill in a previous situation. Yikes. Wow. Now, did you really think that the video analyst goes and shoots with the other cops? Why not?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I thought. Do you think they gave you a gun? I gained some insight. Yeah. I think it's just like a fun thing you get to do.

But maybe, like maybe it's like one of those rules like, everybody on the force has to carry a piece. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they do that thing where, like... They do on CSI. Yeah, right? Even if they're working in the lab. Everybody's got a gun. And they make you do that test where you go in a room and there's a loved one there and you have to shoot them.

And if you don't have the guts... Have you ever heard of that? Nope. Oh. It's like an old old i think it's an urban legend like is that for like terrorists or something uh oh yeah it might be for terrorists yeah you have to be funny enough to get out of a hostage situation but there's like the there's like an urban legend that you go like the final test is to go in the room and they give you a gun and then you have to and it's your wife or whatever she's your dad and if you're with the CIA

but of course the guns got blanks or whatever but if you don't do it but then do you have to if you get the job do you have to face your dad or your wife yeah it's gonna be really awkward but you know what if the main thing that he was always grilling you on was getting a job, then that conversation's over. You can't really complain.

Yeah. Now you're Abby. That's me. You're making Abby Campbell. Yeah. Abby Campbell Shumba. Yeah. Shumba.

Maybe. Shumbumka. Abby Chumbawamba Campbell. I like that you guys wrote your own vows and had so much Chumbawamba. Yeah. Well, we... It means a lot. We celebrated with a whiskey drink.

I promise to love you through being knocked down and getting up together. And get up together. You're making... You just started making these... They're like pillow... You describe them. They're like for when you lose a tooth. Yes, it's a place to put a tooth because I want to start making kids stuff.

A tooth. A tooth. I mean, some kids, you lose two at a time. Yeah, absolutely. Sometimes it happens. So you can put two in there and get double. But it's like a little, it's like a little like pillow kind of envelope thing. Yeah, and it's got a little pocket in the front and a little button sewn on it to make it pretty.

Yeah, and then the kids, what, they go to sleep with it in there and then they wake up in the morning. And there's money. What do you think it is now? Is it five bucks for a tooth?

A toonie? Yeah, probably, probably. Two and five bucks? It was a quarter, I think? It was different for every kid, I think. Yeah, by the time loonies came around,

my brother was losing teeth. Like, for really poor kids, it was just your tooth got another tooth? Yeah. A slightly bigger tooth? Yeah came around, my brother was losing teeth. Like, for really poor kids, it was just your tooth got another tooth. A slightly bigger tooth. Yeah. It was a drawing of a tooth. It was a dog's tooth.

It was one of those, you know, shark necklaces. Yes. But they're amazing. They're, like, super cute. They're super fun to make. They seem to make people happy. Yeah. This is it.

This is the beginning of like a... Yeah. An empire of... Tooth fairy pillows. Tooth stuff. Because you get a cut of every tooth dollar, right? Yeah. That's part of the deal.

You mean the tooth fairy got a deal going. But that... When I was a kid, it was just... Maybe these things have existed before but i uh i had never heard of this idea but people are buying them yeah but when i was a kid it was just you leave a tooth under your pillow your parents come in to take a tooth oh man what if our listeners believe in the tooth fairy your parents or the tooth fairy, depending on your religion. Or the rock as the tooth fairy. Yep.

It's true. They come in and I was, like, I'm amazed to this day that my parents never once woke me up doing this. Yeah, never caught them. Never. It's not like they were taking something from near your head. They had to move your head to reach under your head. So what did you do? Did you just put your tooth...

Because now I forget. You just put it under the pillow? Yeah. Because then they would have to, like, CSI it and find a kid's tooth in the dark. Yeah. Rooting around. Yeah. Using a blacklight.

Did either of you ever have a tooth removed via the string around the tooth in the door? Mm-hmm. Did you? Yeah. Most painful thing ever? Or not that bad? ever have a tooth removed via the string around the tooth in the door did you yeah uh most painful thing ever or no it was pretty far gone right it was like super it took two slams though did you okay like two slams where you didn't move we we didn't try that hard because my dad i did it like six times and every time he slammed the door i ran towards the door there was a teacher at my school though and everybody knew like if you have a loose tooth don't tell don't tell this teacher because she will just rip it out of your head what yeah regardless of how loose it was like don't tell like if it was a little bit loose like she'd

be like yep okay yank now you would get fired in this day and age for pulling out of kids too unless you gave them five bucks afterwards yeah that's true um they sign a waiver beforehand and then you yank it's so dangerous you have to sign a waiver for naked ladies oh yeah thank you you're welcome um did you ever have that the door i don't remember i think we thought about it you were the youngest of four and i yeah and I was really into weird stuff. I wanted to be the center of attention for that kind of thing. But I don't have any specific memories of that. It seems like a really frontier medicine thing held over.

There were no other things like that, right? Like bloodletting. Well, maybe. Yeah, there were no leeches. There's no tonics No love tonics that you had to take as a child You didn't take any love tonics as a child? I didn't take much love tonics as a child Love potion number nine? I took love potions one through eight

Yeah And then you quit right before you got to the one that worked No, those all worked Yeah, but in different ways, right? Like one would make you love a frog one through eight. Yeah. And then you quit right before you got to the one that worked. No, those all worked. Yeah, but in different ways, right? Like one would make you love a frog. Yep.

One would be about like the love of your country. One would be the love of music. Yeah, yeah. One would be like you were suddenly

really bad at tennis. Oh, well done. Was it? I don't understand any of the things of tennis rules. Oh, love is zero. Love is zero. So if it's one love, it's one zero? Well, yeah.

What if it's one love? It would be ten love. It wouldn't be one love. Fifteen. But I think in the sets themselves, you could be... Do they still call them love if it's a set? Four games to love games? Never mind.

I'm ruining everything. No, everybody's making everything great. Everybody's the greatest at everything. This guy's been taking love potion number eight that makes you love everything. Yeah, ecstasy. Yeah. Oh, man. number eight that makes you think every makes you love everything yeah ecstasy yeah oh man um i was just thinking of that i had a weird thing like if you you know how there's like the new drug called bath salts right yeah yeah i'm familiar guys we've all done bath salts, right? Would it be fun to take something that you hate and then manufacture a really notorious drug

and name it that thing? Okay. You know what I mean? Like, if you really hated Orange Julius, and you made something that made people poke their own eyes out, you called it Orange Julius, right? Because that kind of stuff, it seems to catch on. Yeah.

Now, bath salts aren't actually bath salts. Like, they're not the things you put in the bath. Do you think that any old ladies have bought the wrong one? Or just another thing. I thought that they were for a long time as well. No, they're not. They don't have... They're just called bath salts. Yeah.

They resemble them, maybe. Oh, yeah, maybe they just look like it. But I don't know. I've done zero research. But what does have... They're just called bath salts. Yeah. They resemble them, maybe. Oh, yeah, maybe they just look like it. But I don't know. I've done zero research. But what does a bath salt look like? Like salt. Like big, chunky salt. Oh, you know what I've been thinking this whole time?

Bath bombs. A little bit different. Yeah. That's like a big ball that you put in the bath and it explodes with delicious aromas. Right. Bath salts just look like rock salt. Yeah, but like different colors. And it smells good.

But it's not actual, like it's, because that's what I thought it was. It was like, oh, people are getting high off of smoking. Yeah, which makes sense because you hear about, you know, kids having creative ways of getting drunk and stuff. Oh yeah, I talked about that one. About butt chugging? Butt chugging. That doesn't exist. No, yeah, I talked about that one. About butt-chugging? Butt-chugging. That doesn't exist, though. No, yeah, it does.

If teenagers... No, Dave, it does. Dave, you know how sometimes I show up here really drunk? But there's none on your breath. But, you know, like kids, or at least I saw it in a movie, that there were like

Mormon kids, because they are not allowed to drink, but they would drink cough syrup at parties. Oh, okay. They would have like parties, but it was like cough syrup instead of alcohol. Ah, yes. Which, looking back, I was like, eh, it's a pretty good idea. People do that, yeah. But like, why didn't I think of that when I was a kid? Because getting alcohol was tough, but getting cough syrup was...

Cough syrup's the worst. What about a triaminic? Ugh. Oh, yeah. You remember the triaminic. They'll remember the love. That was their slogan. That was love potion number six.

Triaminic. Yeah, triaminic just tastes like a popsicle, right? No, I think it tasted like cough syrup still. Well, I mean, Nowadays it's so good. Now they have popsicles that you give kids. Or candies and stuff. Like jelly beans or gummy bears. Do they really have frozen popsicles?

Mr. Freezy's or something? The little plastic sleeves maybe? And it's just cough medicine? Well, why are we making a million dollars off of that? Because other people are doing it for us. Why are we making a million dollars off of that? Because other people are doing it for us. Why aren't we making a million dollars off this idea we never had? Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like the kids today, they got it maybe a little bit better.

Because a freezie, I don't think I would ever go back to regular freezies. That's the problem. Because I would always want the tri-minute one because it would make you a little bit sleepy the purple yeah get some right orange orange was my favorite of the tri-medic flavors but you didn't you didn't like it you're like no oh my god i'd rather die of a cough than have that fucking disgusting shit it's awful but i it wasn't. But I've had like bad, like I remember having like the red quote cherry flavor one once. But you were thinking of like the really horrible one. Yeah. And I was going to chase it with orange juice and I panicked.

Like I was going to swallow it and then swallow the orange juice and I panicked and I spit it back up in the orange juice and my mom made me drink both. Like a Shirley Temple. Oh my God. It was so. And then after that I was like, nope. Like a Shirley Temple. Oh, god, it was so... And then after that, I was like, mm-mm, nope. Like a Shirley Temple. Oh, do they make cough medicine, Shirley Temple?

Yeah, is it Grenadine cough medicine? But now you're cool with cough syrup, right? Guys, are we gonna drink cough syrup or are we not? None of us really are, I don't think. I'll opt for the pill form. Or a sepical or something, a lozenge I'd take the one, what's the one that's horrible? Buckley's

yeah but like because I don't feel like the other thing is actually going to work because it tastes too good because if I'm having fun with it then it can't be working so then you're Buckley's demographic straight up yeah the Buckley's slogan is it tastes awful and it works

right and is that a, is Buckley slogan is, it tastes awful and it works. Right. And, is that a, is Buckley's Canadian? Yeah, it's very Canadian. Oh, is it really? Oh, the, it's so, like, homegrown. The family's in the commercials. So it is, it's like the most disgusting cough syrup. But, oh, maybe in the States they don't

have it. But if you're cross-border shopping this Christmas, pick up a flat buckley's and say like oh and tell your friends that it's the sweetest cough syrup they've ever tasted serve it in uh over ice yeah have a tasting party sniffers do you think that'll catch whatever classy cough syrup drinking parties maybe an east van Van. Maybe East Vancouver. Right? Sure. Because it comes in all the different colors. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you just have a room that's just all mattresses to go have a nap in. To go pass out in. Yeah. Yeah. Gross. Ugh. And so aside from finishing school and coming up with an awesome thing.

You're at finishing school. Yeah. Yeah. Finally. Is that where you learn how to use a fork? Yeah, is that what finishing school is? You walk with a book balance on your head? Yeah, exactly.

And you learn how to sit and have polite conversation. Is that called finishing school? What's the other name for that? Grammar school? Etiquette school? Military school. It's the one they sent all the League of Their Owners to. Debutante school?

Or like finishing school is like, I think it's like a boarding school too. Oh, okay. Did you go to finishing school? No. No. I almost went to a finishing school. Well, you almost did.

That's why it wasn't way out. How come you didn't go? I ended up going to a school that was in my city instead of one that was in another city. All right. So yeah, so it was within the realm of possibility. I don't think we know what a finishing school is um yeah i think

it's yeah it was in switzerland it was a boarding school it was all girls it's how you become a an adult uh lady it's how you transition so since you didn't go with like yeah with no boys and only nuns and and parasols do you know what a debutante... I've heard of debutante balls. Do you know when you become a debutante? Like 15 or something? But what... Oh, because that was the original time that I ever heard that phrase.

It's like, it's my coming out party. Yeah, you're coming out to society. Oh, yeah. So it is like you're a teenager. When do they decide when you are ready? It's not like a bar mitzvah when you're 13. Well, it's when you first get out of a limo and flash the paparazzi or crotch. Oh, no, that's a celebrity talk.

I don't know. I don't know. Because that seems like an exclusively... I think it's like marrying age. Yeah. I think is what it is. But back in the day, that was like 15. Oh, so like, it's like, hey, world.

Yeah, I now have a daughter that is ready to receive suitors. Oh, yeah. That's what it was. She's going to attend social functions. Yeah, exactly. To then find herself a husband. She is ready now for the... But did dudes have to do the same thing?

No. Did they have to... No. They just showed up to the balls. And got balls deep. They showed up to the balls deep. Balls deep.

But now that you're finished school and stuff, what's going on? What's happening in daily life? What's shaking? I'm just sewing. As your husband, I can say she just sews all the time. Yeah. We never watch TV anymore. Yeah.

Living room's always a mess. Sewing machine's too loud. Oh, wow. And I can't concentrate. And he can't, you know. You're living in a real Rumpelstiltskin kind of lifestyle. Also, there's nothing on in the summer. Yeah, it's the summertime.

Everything's ending. What? America's Got Talent. Yeah. W's ending. What? America's Got Talent. Yeah. Wipeout. Suits. White collar. Yeah, Suits is back.

Suits is back. Yeah, okay. So you're working. You're doing... You're making stuff. Yeah, you found a passion. You're following it. And I'm fucking doing it, man.

Right? Yeah, buddy. Love passion number nine. Yeah. Dave, what's a passion, you're following it. And I'm fucking doing it, man. Right? Yeah, buddy. Love passion number nine. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you? I've found a passion, too. And my passion is soccer. Go on.

I've been watching a lot of the European soccer tournament, the Euro 2012. I know. It's very exciting that it happened this year. It's the opposite of exciting. Yeah. But I watch it every day. Really? Yeah.

Who is in it? All of Europe. Okay. You name a European country. Denmark. Yep. Not anymore. They're out.

Okay. Finland. Never were in it. What? It's the best 16 teams from Europe. It's a crowded continent. Spain. Yeah, they're in it.

Italia. Yep. England. Yep. Those two teams play tomorrow. Scotland. I think they were. No, no, Ireland was.

Ireland. Oh, right. Yeah, I heard something. Anyway, so I watch it. Stop naming countries. Yeah, exactly. These are all European countries. Great work. I watch it every gall darn day. Yeah, exactly. These are all European countries. Great work.

I watch it every gall darn day. Yeah. How many games a day? Now one. It used to be two. So how many over the course of a day, how many goals are we looking at? Zero. Point seven.

Yeah. Averaged average. Yeah. 0.7 Averaged average I watch it for I always have my computer on my lap When it's on Then I get up and I go

Leave the room and make a sandwich And when I come back it's 2-0 All the goals are scored when I'm not there Do you wear one of those scarves That everybody wears when they watch soccer? No because I'm not a fan of any team at all why don't you just get one that says soccer i should may the best team win and i find myself since i don't really care like either even the ukraine was in this year and i'm

ukrainian and i just don't care yeah about of these people. Because that's what it's supposed to be. People align with where their parents' parents are from. Go genetics. Go genetics. But I basically cheer for the team. Today I was cheering for France because they

have collars on their shirts and I thought that was a nice touch. Oh wow. You're touching girls. Yeah. Well, I mean, the Spaniards are better looking. They're dreamy. A lot of dreamy guys. Yeah, I watch and I realize, much like tennis,

that I don't have a grasp on the rules. Like I know, you know, if it goes in the net that's a goal yeah you can't use your hands can't use your hands yellow card and red card are bad um corner kick yep that's a thing yeah center line yeah head uh head butt yeah um and but that's it that's i don't know uh like i don't know what like also the thing that people fall down, right? Oh yeah. Oh my god. It's the sport where you don't want to look tougher

than the other guys. Yeah, right? It's the one thing that really stops me from enjoying soccer. Is what? The big dramatic. The big like the bail and they just like grab their leg and go and make like that horrible face like they just like had an alien rip a new, you know. To they just had an alien rip a new...

Rip them a new one. Maybe it's because I'm from a hockey culture. I don't know. I'm from a pro wrestling culture and so I don't hate it as much. I don't mind that there's a big act out. I'm so nuts. Yeah. The big wrestling one

was if someone... Yeah, you always grab your back. Yeah. I used wrestling one was if someone... Hurt your back? Yeah, you always grab your back. Yeah. I used to do that a lot as a kid. I used to do that, grabbing my back. I believe it. And now as an adult, but for real. Yeah.

So, you've been enjoying your Euro 2012? Yeah, I've been enjoying... I like the soccer lifestyle. I like the... Yeah. 90 minutes and nothing happens. The ball is round.

The rest is pure theory. That's about... It's one of those things where I don't get stressed out because I don't care about any of these teams. It's true. It's just like a nice day at the park. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's true. It's like, I find the

opposite is when you watch cricket because I am so... Baffled? Yeah, like I'm totally baffled. So lost. What happens when you baffle in cricket? Is that worth a point? It's like good or bad. You don't baffle until the third day. Yeah. After tea. Yeah, if you have tea and then you get baffled,

that makes you almost a lock for the Tournament of Stars. Yeah. The cricket Tournament of Stars. You become a Thamesman. Oh, no, I'm throwing out things. That might have been from Spinal Tap. Yep, absolutely. So, yeah, that's it.

Just soccer. That's me 24-7. I love it. Would you ever go go it's so boring would you go watch the soccer at like in Vancouver on Commercial Drive

there's a lot of Italian restaurants and cafes where they show the soccer in the middle of the day would I go to that would you go and watch that with a bunch of old guys that's your worst nightmare

yeah if I have to leave the house for it why am I going like why am I watching like what's the point of something being televised if you can't do it on your own couch Yeah, if I have to leave the house for it, why am I going? Like, why am I watching? What's the point of something being televised if you can't do it on your own couch? Oh, that's true. That's true.

But would you go to a thing like, say, if there was a bar that just showed Breaking Bad? No! I would go to that. Why? Because of the meth. Because of the possibilities of buying that. You'd miss all of it. Everybody would be talking so much. Yeah, but what if...

Someone would bring their girlfriend who doesn't know the rules of Breaking Bad. They'd have to explain them. Yeah. We're cheering for this guy. We're cheering for Walter Jr. Why is that one woman all dressed in purple? That's her team colors. Yeah, Breaking Bad is my soccer.

It's back soon. I know. You're in luck. Like, three weeks? I know. Something? Yeah. I feel like the time between the end of Mad Men and the beginning of Breaking Bad has

just kind of been like, it's kind of a waste time, you know? Yeah. Kind of like being in a coma. Yeah. Yeah. Might as well. Yeah. Might as well.

Yeah. Go and do it. That Kim Mitchell song, might as well be in a coma yeah yeah like as well yeah yeah go and do that uh kim mitchell song might as well be in a coma it was about this period of time lordy yep so that's me yeah um what's going on with you well i was out of town for the last couple of weeks. I was gone and then back and then gone. You went to Saskatchewan, came back to Vancouver for a day and then went to Calgary, Alberta. For the Sled Island music and

comedy and music festival. And mostly music. The Sled Island Calgary Tower extravaganza. Every time you say Sled Island, I think you're saying slut island. Also, we couldn't I'm not sure. Somebody told me that every time you say sled island I think you're saying slut island also we couldn't I'm not sure somebody told me that it

got its name from a poem or something but nobody I know knows what sled island is it's nothing like I thought it was somewhere in Calgary sure like a place or yeah the island that's shaped like a sled is it on an island?

it's not on an island it's not like a sled. Is it on an island? No. It's not on an island. It's not when sledding is popular. Is it near the bobsled track? Well, most of the bands we play are either at the top or the bottom of the bobsled track. Which is on an island. Yeah. It was the only way that they could get the building code violations was to uh build the fox ledger some violations

you don't have enough violations um yeah so i uh i did a couple of yeah festivals i did a comedy festival in saskatchewan yeah the pile of funny bones yeah which i did not realize going into what that meant i just thought it was uh I thought it was just like a pile of. A name? Yeah. But apparently Pile of Bones is what Regina is known as because it was built over a huge burial ground. Oh, good. Yeah.

Top drawer. Yeah. So it's haunted. Super cursed. Super cursed. Top drawer. Yeah, so it's haunted. Super cursed.

Super cursed. It was the white settlers killing off as many buffaloes they could to drive the native population into extinction. So, kind of like, why would you name a festival after that? But it seems to bring up old wounds. Yeah. But it was good. It was fun. And I did a show with a previous guest, Jaden Pfeiffer.

Oh, J. Pfeiffer. And Warren Bates was out there, and Erica Sigurdsson, and Dylan Reimer. Great times. All your favorite guests. Yeah. And then, yeah, I went to Calgary,

and I rode public transit in Calgary for the first time in a decade. Now, you went to Calgary, and I rode public transit in Calgary for the first time in a decade. Now, you're from Calgary. Yeah. Calgary is the city with no rats. That's what's on the signage when you get to there. Yeah. Beat it, rats.

Or I smell a rat, right? Get out. But they don't. No, that's right. That's true. Tell me about public transit there. I got on public transit. Public transit in Calgary is sparse.

Right. Because everyone there, it's a very affluent city. Everyone owns trucks and cars. And also, gas is very cheap. Because it's like, it's Canada's Texas. And in the wintertime, you can't wait around for a bus. No, you would die. Yeah.

And that's how they thin the population every year. So I took a train and took a bus. And when I got on the bus, an elderly lady had a dizzy spell and fell between the seats on the bus uh yeah it was between the seats between the sheets um yeah yeah now uh that was her name uh bald deep uh i helped her out of that situation and she was uh throwing up and dizzy and very embarrassed i bet and uh i haven't seen a person throw up in not a movie i don't think um and this is the thing this is i think the difference between or there was a baseball baseball player a few weeks ago who threw up there's no throwing up in baseball um there uh i think this is the difference between maybe a generation.

A generational thing is when she was about to throw up, she made a very purposeful grab for something to throw up into. Whereas I think this generation and younger would just have thrown up on the bus. Yeah, let her go. So we had to wait for an ambulance, and then the ambulance came. And by then, it was like 45 minutes or something. The whole bus had to wait? Yeah.

And then the bus driver said, like, oh, you have to get on the next bus because I'm late. And so he took off. But I'd given him my transfer. Right. So when I got to go on the next bus, I had my story all set up. Like hey, I was on the bus and this lady fainted and I was taking care of her. And I literally only got it. Hey, I was on the other bus. I was just like, go ahead.

I didn't expect you to pay, loser. He didn't even let me get my story out at all. He just, back of the bus. Dorkus. the back of the bus. Dorkus. I forgot that a couple, maybe, yeah, last year on 4-20, April 20th, I was leaving downtown and there was the drunkest, most drugged up, wasted guy ever sitting next to me. Oh, yeah.

And he, I don't think I ever told this one. I think you did. Oh, I think you did tell this story. I think I told it live. I don't know if I ever told this one. I think you did. Oh, I think you did tell this story. I think I told it live. I don't know if I ever told it on the podcast. But anyway, I don't remember all the beats of it. But he, like, I missed being thrown up on by, like, five seconds. Oh, yeah, you did.

You told this, yeah, because it was, like, it was a real lucky day for you. Yeah, and then so, but now every time I get on a bus, because it was the buses that have the plush seats. Oh, like the upholstered seats? Yeah. Not the washable seats. The fake leather ones that just wipe or hold down. Yeah. So whenever I'm on one of those buses, I never sit in that seat ever again.

Yeah. Do you ever think of it in terms of like that Gwyneth Paltrow movie, Sliding Doors? Yeah. Like what would have happened if he did throw up on you versus not? Yeah. How your life would change. Yeah. Would I be forced to watch that movie?

Yeah. But I do remember when it happened, the guy, someone else that was sitting at the back of the bus with me was like, this guy's dying! And he was so not dying. Stop the bus, this guy's dying! Yeah, well, life's precious. And that lady knows it probably more than... Better than us. Yeah, this guy's dying to live.

So tell me what else happened while you were away. Like, you didn't just see a lady barf. You flew places. Flew places? No, I mostly just saw a lady barf did anyone barf on the plane no oh yes yes somebody did barf those are short flights um on the way to saskatchewan the lady next to me on the plane, threw up. So, yeah, weird, right? It's your superpower. Yeah, that's my Hunger Games power, is there's a strong guy,

and somebody knows how to use a bow and arrow. I can just make people vomit at will. Make women throw up. Yeah. Yeah, that was super gross. I think that was the last time I was in Saskatchewan. Somebody threw up on the plane, and, yeah plane it was harsh

harsh all around she was very discreet about it she threw up like a lady she went to finishing school remember to carry a silk purse on you always in case you need to you must evacuate at finishing school you wear a book on your head

while you vomit yeah yeah and if the book falls in the toilet or the vomitarium um yeah so yeah i was next to somebody on the plane that threw up and then i was in front of on one of the flights, I was in front of a baby that, it was a two-hour flight, and the baby screamed bloody murder for the whole flight. Did they ever accuse anyone of bloody murder? Well, you know what? Everybody was a suspect because we were on a closed plane, you know? It turns out it was one of the... It was the dingo. Yeah, the dingo in in 2g yeah um and then uh there was a lady behind me on the flight coming back today today that um

she was describing everything she's a like, 70-year-old lady. And she was like a closed captioning for real life. Like it was just every, now we're taking off. To anybody? To her grandson. And then she read the entire in-flight magazine to him. I mean, he was playing a thing, like a DS or whatever. So he didn't care about the best place to get ribs in Winnipeg. Exercises for your neck.

Yeah. Yeah. So, and then I was right in front of her. So there was no, I had to just, I had to. And yeah, I mean, all the festivals, there was a bunch of stuff that went on that mostly just drinking. I just drank a lot. Like, all every night was drinking to the point where now, like, just the idea of, like, having a tea and going to bed sounds, like, delectable. Sounds delectable every night.

Yeah. Can we do it at, at like 8 o'clock? Yeah, right? That's, oh, now it's like, yeah, it's, I don't know. I don't know what's happened to me. Yeah. When did I become that guy? Somewhere in Saskatchewan, I think.

Yeah, somewhere over, yeah. Yeah, because. The flat part of Alberta, maybe, I don't know. Yeah, people really can, in festival settings, people give themselves permissions to drink unlimited quantities all the time. Inhuman. Yeah. Yeah.

And so that's what I felt like I did. Not because I was enjoying it, but just because I was in the festival mode. And I didn't want to get dropped out of the festival for not drinking. At the end of every day, they drop out the bottom two. Everyone gets a rose. Yeah. Except for... Yeah, and then everybody else gets to throw up on themselves.

On the rose. Yeah. And then, yeah, and then, you know, bringing you up to speed, I watched Jack and Jill from start to finish. Your tweets were amazing i mean it was something else and you've seen it too i didn't see the whole thing yeah i saw more than you did well i also saw some yesterday oh yeah whatever like two days ago but yeah it is astonishing how much al pacino is in the movie yeah like he doesn't just he drives the plot yeah it's crazy

that how much he is in the movie and how little David Spade is in the movie, but also that David Spade is in the movie apparently for no reason. As a woman. Yeah, at the very end, for a minute. But the movie's got everyone. It's got Jared from Subway. It's got Vince from Slap Chop.

It's got Adam Sandler's friends. John McEnroe. Yeah, the guy with the crazy eye. Norm MacDonald. Yeah, the guy with the crazy eye. Norm Macdonald. Yeah, it's all... Oh, Billy Blank. I remember reading a thing about how, and I think

we talked about it on the podcast, that there was a review, I think, called Red Letter Media Review. Red Leather, Yellow Leather? Yep. That said that it was basically a shill movie and that they said at one point there's an ad, there's like a literal ad for...

Dunkin' Donuts? Well, there is a literal ad for Dunkin' Donuts, but there's also an ad for Princess Cruise Line where it just cuts to a guy saying, Welcome to Princess Cruise Line! And then it just shows stock footage of... What? Yeah.

Kelly Lee Gifford is singing. Ugh. Have you guys ever been on a cruise? No. Would you ever? No. What if you were a 70-year-old lady who wanted to... I was going to say, if I was 80, yeah.

...narrate things to her grandchild? Yeah, I think... We'll go to Alaska. Yeah. Yeah, something like that. We're on the boat now. Now we're going to our room for inspection. Now I'm going to go to Alaska. Yeah. We're on the boat now. Now we're going to our room for inspection. Now I'm going to go barf.

I'm going to go barf again. Take some gravel. I was just thinking about what we're going to, when I write the little episode description, I will say, Abby Shumka returns to talk, uh, sewing, soccer, and getting barfed on. Cause that seems to be quite a bit of the show. Yeah.

Well, do we want to, uh, move on to some business? Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do. Get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. It's time for a little bit of business, Graham.

And this week the show is brought to you by IFC. Comedy Bang Bang every Friday night at 10 o'clock, 9 o'clock central on IFC. This week's guest, Michael Cera, and also Paul F. Tompkins, one of our old longest friends. Longest friends. One of our longest friends ever. He's going to have the second sight. Is that what he says?

Yeah, he's going to be appearing as his alter ego cake boss. Cake boss. And in addition, this week's episode is brought to you by Bing. Now you can search your social networks and search the web at the same time. Yeah, so when you put in a search thing, your results will come from the internet at large, but also from your Facebook and your Twitter and, you know, maybe an Instagram. Yeah.

If you're searching for fake Polaroid shot of friends eating and having mimosas. Yeah. If you're searching for fake, fake Polaroid shot of friends eating and having mimosas. Yeah. Yeah. A washed out photograph of hot dogs. Yeah, of a barbecue. Yeah, hot dogs. So, in addition to that, we also have a Jumbotron message this week. It's a happy birthday message.

It's for Michael. It's from Lauren. And it's simple. Happy birthday, my love. Happy birthday, my love. To Michael from Lauren. If you would like to have a message on our Jumbotron, head over to MaximumFun.org

slash Jumbotron. Do you want to move on to some overheards? Can I also say happy birthday to my love, Fudge? Sure. Overheard. Overheards. If you're new to Earth, are things that you overhear, and then you communicate them to us, and then we all have laughs. Oh, like FitzDog.

Yeah, totally. See, like, we're like the Canadian FitzDog. Yeah. I consider myself a ShumpkDog. Now, we like to start with a guest. It's time. Graham, shut up. Celebrity birthdays.

I don't like that. That was so half-hearted. Yeah, it's time for my favorite thing, celebrity birthdays. Who cares about overheard celebrity birthdays? We're recording this on June the 23rd. Big happy celebrity birthday to the following celebros, starting with this celebrity. Happy birthday to you, singer Duffy. D.J.! Shutuffy. Oh, that was great. It's time for my favorite segment, Hulk Hogan News.

This week, ABC News, their website, came up with a list of the seven... Now, what is Hulk Hogan News? Hulk Hogan News is all the things that are important in the world of Hulk Hogan to the world at large. And are new. Well, yeah, as new as the internet will allow. There's only so much Hulk Hogan News that people can... It's fit to print. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, there's's gotta be stuff that's happening every week i'm sure um oh uh as a side note um we've gotten two uh emails uh with photos of uh hulk hogan tattoos no the hulk hogan statue oh yeah yeah yeah the uh aforementioned bizarro one that was in the Juggalo's house. And the woman one? That was a freaky one. Wasn't there one that looked like a woman? Yeah, they all looked like women.

No, there was one that didn't have the mustache. Yeah. Somebody said it looked like an angry Helen Mirren. Sure. Now, ABC News included Hulk Hogan in a list of the seven worst celebrity dads. Oh. Oh. Do you know who any of the other ones on the list are?

I know all of the other ones. Oh, can we guess? Absolutely. Worst celebrity dads. Robert Kardashian. Nope, not on the list. He's dead. David Hasselhoff.

Not on the list. See, these are two that are right off the gates, two missed opportunities. Alec Baldwin. Nope. See, that are two that are right off the gates. Two missed opportunities. Alec Baldwin. Nope. See, that's three. Celebrity dads. Oh, John Phillips. John Phillips is on the list.

Absolutely. John Phillips Souza. Wow, if Hulk Hogan is in the company of John Phillips, a man who had sex with his daughter. His own kin. Yeah, it's... Any other with his daughter. Yeah. His own kin. Yeah. Yeah. It's, any other guesses? OJ Simpson?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't think he was a dad. He has kids. Oh, does he? Yeah. Oh. It's gotta be like old timey dads.

Kato Kaelin has kids. Yeah. Okay. Well, think about the guy who's like famous like famously the worst showbiz dad like famously famously all of his kids are fucked up he has many famous children all of which are um very mentally damaged i why can't I think of it? Brian Wilson? No. No? Any other parents of Wilson Phillips?

Yeah. The person I'm looking for is Joe Jackson. Oh! Patriarch of the Jackson Five. But of course. Right. Also on the list, Woody Allen, merrier of adopted daughter Bobby Brown. Okay. Matthew Knowles, Beyonce's father.

Harry Knowles' dad. Yeah, Harry Knowles' dad. And rounding out the list, Michael Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's jail bait father. Is that what he's like when a guy goes to jail a lot? He's jail bait? Yep. Anyways, so that was on abc news and then um thanks abc news yeah and then somebody uh from uh the yahoo contributor network

ryan drew wrote a a scathing article about the abc article saying how can you include Hulk Hogan in this? With these slime balls. Yeah, yeah, this murderer's row. And said, you know, it was based on a photo. It was based on, partially on that retweet, where, which, come on. Do you think that that's? For people just joining us, Hulk Hogan retweeted when someone said that they were. Balls deep in his daughter. And then also. To borrow a phrase from you.

There was a picture of him suntan lotioning his daughter's butt. That's good fathering. Yeah, absolutely. I can't remember the last time I didn't suntan lotion Brooke Hogan's butt.

Or the last time my dad didn't suntan lotion my butt. That's butt. Over the last time, my dad didn't set that lotion in my butt. That's weird. Anyways, I gotta say that I am with Ryan Drew of the Yahoo! Contributor Network. Come on. Hulk Hogan and Michael Lohan and Joe Jackson.

Joe Jackson beat up his kids. Hulk Hogan just beat up one. The Ultimate Warrior. And he had it coming. He was sassass mouthing him yeah right ugh yeah

John Phillips had sex with his kid Hulk Hogan only had sex with Brutus the barber beef allegedly yeah

oh we should point out that the film crew has left yeah for the listener that's why we're we're a lot more loose I feel like I was we signed we're a lot more loose i feel like i was

we signed uh we signed all our releases yeah yeah yeah that was great you guys are great you guys are great and i appreciate you both for uh being a part of the film sure the documentary graham clark project the lead up to uh yeah my 2012 extravaganza. My debutante ball. So are we done with Hulk Hogan news? Well, I'm personally never done. Never. I'm always on the case.

Officially, yes. Can I get back to Celebrity Birthdays? Yes. Happy Celebrity Birthday to 28-year-old singer Duffy. Patrick Duffy. Now Duffy is the one who sounds like this. Her song is called Mercy. Do you remember that song?

No. Oh, Abby, do you remember it? Does Abby remember it? Abby knows I do a terrible impression of the singer Duffy. It's one of my least favorite things that Dave does, like, ever. Well, now I really, uh... You got me bugging you for mercy! Yay! Yay!

Why don't you believe me? Yay! Yay! So that one goes. I don't know that song! It just was really weird. Well, if you actually heard the song, you will probably recognize it. Wow. As opposed to Dave using the same voice that he used when he references Jordi.

The French baby. The French baby. It's so tough to be a baby. It's the same voice. I don't know what that is either. Durdur dretre un bebé. It's in the 90s. He was like a three-year-old who like rapped in French.

No? No, you don't know this? No, nothing. Guys. Oh, Jordi. You guys have shared a lot In your one year together Happy celebrity birthday to

Singer-songwriter Jason Mraz Mrazman He's 35 today That's a type of wine, right? Mrazmataz Or Julie Clouser's newest cat Oh, Jimmy Jazz Jimmy Mraz Jazz

What does he sing? For people like me How's his newest cat? Oh, Jimmy Jazz. Jimmy Miraz Jazz. What does he sing? For people like me. He sings... You can hear my eyes rolling. Oh, he's convulsing. He sings... It's like adult contemporary stuff, I guess. What's his big hit?

You're singing Sister? I don't know any. Is that him? Hey, you dun-dun-dun-da-din-da-dum-bum-bum. What? What? In the way words, I don't know. There must be my I'm yours

Oh I kind of almost recognized that Yeah, Marazzers Happy celebrity birthday to A guy who makes You know TV and movies That nerdy nerds enjoy

Joss Whedon Oh, Joss Whedon! And I don't mean that in a derogatory way. Well, it sounded like you did. I think it's that, you know, the hip nerd culture. He's 48. 48. 48. He directed The Avengers.

He directed He created the Vampire Slayer television show. Yeah, he directed The Cabin in the Woods. Oh, yeah. He wrote one of the Toy Stories. What? Which one? Two, I think.

Oh, that's the one that people really want to talk about. Not us. Happy celebrity birthday to actress Frances McDormand. Oh, I love Frances McDormand. We just saw her in Moonrise Kingdom. We did.

Has she been ever in anything where she's bad? Answer, no. Quick answer, no. Save time by answering my own question. Happy celebrity birthday to let's see. You know what? I'm going to save this one for the trivia.

Happy celebrity birthday to singer, songwriter Glenn Danzig is 57. Now, Glenn Danzig recently was in a brouhaha because somebody tried to take his photograph and he went crazy apeshit because he doesn't like being photographed. And there was one time he got photographed

carrying kitty litter. And it's all over the internet. And he doesn't see the funny side of it forever i don't think he finds the funny side of anything and also didn't he recently say if he had played wolverine he would have been better than hugh jackman yeah well good luck i believe it yeah well not a musical wolverine yeah good luck yeah the musical is back glenn um and the answer to this week's celebrity trivia question. This bassist and TV personality says the word dog more than anyone else. Randy Jackson.

Randy Jackson. Randy Jackson. Nice. Dog. You were going to think Dog the Bounty Hunter's son. He doesn't let his son call him Dog. Please call me Dad. Why is he one of the better celebrity dads? Well, he never did anything wrong.

Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he takes his son to work. He busts bad guys. He busts skulls together. Yeah, he crunches skulls. Yeah, but those celebrities... He smashes doors. Bring your son to work day.

You guys named three worse celebrity dads than anybody that was on the list, like, right out of the chute. Yeah. So you guys... Well, what I'm saying is, why don't you do, like, a husband-wife team work for ABC News? Yeah, sure. Let's do it. Like John Stossel and Susan Stossel. Give me a break.

Wasn't that his... Remember when John Stossel used to do that? I don't think he's ever stopped. Yeah, sure. Like John Stossel and Susan Stossel. Give me a break. Wasn't that his? Remember when John Stossel used to do that? I don't think he's ever stopped. Oh, really? Does he still do the, like... That's his catchphrase. Velcro, give me a break. Yeah.

But it's always things that you're like, I don't know, is that such a bad thing? All the things he's... Fruit juice. Gatorade. He's mad at anything. Any inventions. Yeah. Okayatorade. He's mad at anything. Any inventions. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Now it's time for real, for real, for real. For realsies. For overheards. Let's start with a guest. Okay. It happened today at work.

I work in a kid's store that sells like clothes and things. It's called clothes and things. It's called clothes and things. Kids clothes and shit. It's called Clothes and Things. Kids Clothes and Shit. Seven days a week. The girl and her mom were trying to choose a hair accessory, like a clip or a bread or something. And they were choosing between a whole bunch because we have a million different kinds. And they were talking about, oh, she's blonde, so her hair. And they were speaking French.

So I understood what they were saying because I speak French. And they were like, oh, she has blonde hair, so the hair... And they were speaking French. So I understood what they were saying because I speak French. And they were... It's like, oh, she has blonde hair, so the red one would look good. Or, oh, I like this one. And the little girl looked over. She's probably about 10. And she looks at this one. It was like a big flower, like a fabric flower.

It was quite large. And she looks over to her mom and goes, No, il est trop pouf. Which means, no, it's too pouf. Yeah, mom. And that's not a word in French. What? Pouf? trop pouf. Which means, no, it's too pouf. Yeah, mom. And that's not a word in French. What? Pouf?

Pouf. Il est trop pouf. And the mom, I could tell the mom was just like, I don't know what that means, but I'm going to go with it. Okay, so we'll get the one with the hearts. Who's been teaching you French? It's too pouf. What was it?

A pouf? Yeah, it was like a big flower with a lot of petals. That's too pouf. Trop pouf. Yeah, it was like a big flower with a lot of petals. That's two poof. Tro poof. Yeah, tro poof. Tro poof. So that made me chuckle. And she was dead serious when she said it. Is this kid maybe the most precious kid

that ever lived? She was kind of too old. She was like ten. If she was like six, different story. She kind of peaked and she's on the... That's rough yeah exactly age is really the year

when things really happen for precocious French speaking children I'm talking about yeah yeah like a little kid with like wearing like a little button up coat

oh yeah my head exploded buckle shoes yeah yeah buckle shoes who's the kid in the is there a cartoon kid in a button up coat

Madeline Madeline okay Madeline. Okay. Caillou. Caillou. Caillou seems really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got a really nice round head. Real nice melon on that kid. Yeah, he's like a... Carl Pilkington. Yeah, he's like a Charlie Brown for kids with high self-esteem. Yeah, Caillou don't take no shit like Charlie Brown. Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard?

My overheard is an overseen, and it's just something that sort of baffled me. Oh, you were watching Cricket. I was watching Cricket, and I was baffled in the third end. I was baffled. I was in the mall downtown, and I spotted this guy who... Here are the pieces that I put together from what he must have been. He was going down an escalator, and I went down the escalator 10 seconds after him, and I lost him. But I was trying to chase him down and see what his deal was.

But he was wearing scrubs. I don't want none of those no yeah he's a guy who thinks he's fly also known as a buster um he was wearing like medical scrubs but he was carrying and he was carrying like a a shoulder bag with the word motrin on it okay Okay. The ibuprofen company. Yes. Except that the scrubs that he was wearing weren't blue. They were bright orange. Like the Motrin pills? No. Well, like the Motrin pills, but also like a convict. Oh, he has a jump, yeah.

Prison jumpsuit. So he was wearing what basically looked like he was an escaped convict. And I assume handing out ibuprofen. But I might have imagined it. I never chased him down and confirmed it but that's what i said like is that do you think that's what it was and do the marketing people not know they not know that yeah that's what he looks like that orange jumpsuit is universal spoken for even if it's scrubs it it reads as a jumpsuit. Yeah, wow. Well, I mean, do you know that he wasn't an escaped convict?

No. Who beat up somebody who was giving away medical samples. And he's like, I got to get this back to my friend who I was chained to that I had to cut off his foot to get here. I'm bringing him as much Motrin as I can find. to get here. I'm bringing him as much Motrin as I can find. Or do you think anyone has ever broken out of prison and gone into the outside world to get

Motrin or a carton of cigarettes and then come back to prison and then... Undercover of night? Yeah. If you could get out of prison... For one night. If you could get out of prison for one for one night if you could get out of prison for one night well but like what would you get would you get cones yeah from jerry queen no but would you

get stuff and then just go back like why get a large obviously you probably wouldn't go back to prison well but if you had to you would you would sneak back in something that would be useful in prison, like a comb. Well, I don't know if I would, because maybe I would pull an Abby and just go and get something delicious that I like that I can't get in prison. Get some poutine and go home. Yeah. Or would I just go out for one wild night, a real good time, you know, where I triple my murder score? Yeah. Or you commit a whole entirely new crime you know, where I triple my murder score. Yeah. Or you commit a whole

entirely new crime. Yeah, yeah. Mail fraud. Yeah, broaden your horizons. Yeah, steal someone's credit card, order some stuff on the internet, outbid some people on eBay and have it sent to your prison. I made $50 on this file and a cake

Would you break out of prison Order yourself a cake with a file in it Go back into prison Use it to break out of prison And then write a really nasty review On that person's eBay page And then break back into prison again. B plus.

So that's my overseen. I love it. You? I was sitting in the hotel lobby in Regina, Saskatchewan. Our nation's capital. That's right. Queen City. The Queen City.

Paris of the birds. DG Regina. What was the birds. D.G. Regina. What was the nickname for Moose Jaw? The Jaw. Yeah, the Jaw. No, that's the radio station. Yeah, you're listening to WJW, the Jaw. So there was a conference in the hotel, and there were a couple of ladies who were just up in their room and came down to meet another lady in the hotel waiting area.

And she was talking about how she just watched the weather report and that there was a tornado warning for Saskatoon. And she said to her friend, we were just watching the weather report and we saw that there's a tornado warning for Saskatoon. And the woman said, are you being serious and she said yeah we were just watching the news and it said that because of the conditions that uh you're not supposed to be driving in or out unless it's uh absolutely necessary and he's like but are you being serious and she's like yeah i'm totally being serious and enter a third guy who's their manager. And he says, hey, I need your report for the final speech. And she goes, did you hear that there's going to be a tornado watch in Saskatoon all night? And the guy literally, the first thing he said, are you being serious?

Like in that company, there's been a real problem with shenanigans. There's been a rash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made up weather reports. Yeah, nonsense. Yeah a real problem with shenanigans. There's been a rash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made up weather reports. Yeah, nonsense. Yeah. Hijinks. Lots of nonsense.

Yeah. High flying nonsense. Or maybe they work for a company that sells a tornado-themed product. Oh, yeah. And they're like, are you serious? Yeah. Like, we gotta get to Saskatoon right now. Yeah.

This is the week we're out of the office? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, exactly. We're selling Twister brand. We sell Twister. We sell Twister. We sell windbreakers. We've got one warehouse that sells Twister

windbreakers because of the high winds. And also... Rain boots. Why did you have to have a third thing? No, because I don't know. I thought these things always worked in threes. No, they don't work at all. Now, in addition to overheards that we got, we also got people who listen.

Yeah, we got people who listen all, and they're the greatest. They're some of the greatest people around. We've got people who will send in their overheards via email. If you want to be one of these people, send it in to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Our first comes from Casey in Charlottesville, Virginia. Is that right, VA, Virginia? Yeah. It's the Virginia of the prairies.

I was on the trolley the other day, and a very obviously homeless man. Hey, okay, let's just, you don't know. Back it up. Maybe he's got a home and he's just a real smelly guy. Right? There's a lot of possibilities. Yeah, maybe he was just generous and trying to squeegee your windows.

Yeah, so let's just say a shaggy looking dude. Let's say shaggy. A very obviously shaggy dude who was shaggy from Scooby-Doo or the rapper. Sat down next to the woman in the seat in front of me. She was wearing a lab coat. Much like your scrubs. Yeah, sure. So the man asked if she was going to work at the medical center.

She said yes and proceeded to explain to him about her enzyme research in excruciating scientific detail. The man just stared unmoving and after she finished talking, said, I was in an experiment out past the airport. Yep. I don't even know where, but the airport's the last thing I remember. My memory's a little hazy. But, you know, if you're gonna go for medical experiments.

Have you ever considered volunteering? Well, you know, if you're going to go for medical experiments. Have you ever considered volunteering? Well, not volunteering, but... Submitting yourself? Yeah, being in a medical experiment. I have. You've done it? Yep. That somehow doesn't surprise me.

No, I've done a medical experiment, and I've also done safety equipment testing. I told you about that, right? Where I was part of the... It was a jockstrap. And he's getting kicked in the nuts. Yeah. And then they had an entire military band come and get me in the crutch.

Hey, that was a guy's talent on America's Got Talent. He's getting kicked in the nuts. Wow. Do you think you probably didn't have nuts? That's what my guess would be. We never checked. Yeah, exactly yeah exactly we by the way um what was your what were both of those uh or whatever you want to talk about no well the medical experiment was just a survey thing where you sat in a room and you just filled out a bunch of and then you bled to death yeah there was a gas leaking in

the room i guess the whole time is this making you happier or sadder and then uh the uh safety thing was a tube uh to jump off of like a cruise ship in an emergency. Like the tube slowed you down. So it was in a warehouse in North Van and it was like up on what do you call it? Scissor lift? It was five stories high and then you climbed up the scaffolding. That's fun! Yeah, it was

except that on the second jump the guy in front of me caught his arm and we there were six of us all piled on top of him. Oh, you all went at the same time? You had to. That was the thing. It was like a rapid fire.

Dave's dying. So there was six of us stuck in the tube, and I got a big... Did he break his arm? No, nobody got permanently hurt, but I got a huge bruise, probably like three inches across on my arm, because somebody else's leg was

wrapped around my arm. And also, we were all in jumpsuits. Why not send six dummies down? They did. Yeah, exactly. And one of the times that we, like every time that we did it, they'd give you a new pair. You were wearing a jumpsuit and they'd give you a new pair of socks, because the friction from moving down the thing would burn the socks off your feet.

It would burn huge holes in the socks, so you would get a new pair of socks every time. Oh, shit. So you're in a, was it like a water slide? No, it was like, you remember those- Like that nylon type of fabric? It was like those tubes that you used to have as a kid. It was just like a giant coil with fabric on it. Oh, so they have Medicare.

Yeah, yeah. It was like that, but vertical. And you had to go in it, and the friction was what slowed you down. Right, but also set your clothes on fire. Yeah. Yeah, so I did that. And I'll do it again. Yeah, out past the airport.

I'm just waiting for... Yeah, exactly. And that young man on the bus was Graham Clark. I'm not homeless. This is a fun one. From Louis S. Or Louis S.

Or Louis S. From England. Probably Louis S. A few years back, I was in Lewis S. Okay. From England. Probably Lewis S., right? If you're in England. A few years back, Wilst, he actually wrote this, Wilst,

I was in school, we had a music quiz. The teacher asked for the Italian for ground bass, which is continuo. Okay. Yelped from the corner of the classroom, ground a bass.

Pretty great. That is pretty good. Yeah. Oh, the classroom. Ground to base. Pretty great. That is pretty good. Yeah. Oh, the Italians. And this final one comes from Sasha. Overheard during my middle school's daily announcements. Where sorry, oh, Canada was six minutes long yesterday morning. Second verse, same as the first.

Yeah, maybe it was like the chopped and screwed version. The slowed down mix. They dropped the bass. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept telephoned overheards. If you want to telephone your overheards, use a telephone. The number is 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Anne from Los Angeles.

Yesterday I went to see a movie with my dad for Father's Day. We arrived pretty early, and so we were the only people there other than two women, and they were seated behind us, and I overheard this. Woman one, we have got to find someone age 30 or under for Sarah's son. He's so attractive and a filmmaker. Woman two. Oh, really? What types of films does he make?

Woman one. Well, only one so far. And it was terrible. Let's set him up with Ira, our unsuccessful filmmaking cousin. Oh, that's great. Is it better to have made a terrible film than no film at all? Because you've accomplished something.

You've made a film. You show that you have follow-through. But then you show, A, you have follow-through, but B, you have no talent. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You've got follow-through, but you also stink.

You also suck. No, it's not that you have no talent. You just have no talent for making a film. And that's the thing with movies. Super famous people who are super talented have shitty movies. That's true. There's so many movie preps to movies. Not Adam Sandler.

Nope. I mean, that guy. How does a guy get a batting record that great? Yeah. He was batting 1,000 up until Grown Ups, but then he recovered with Jack and Jill. There was something before Grown Ups that wasn't there. Oh yeah, Chuck and Larry. There was hundreds of them.

Everything. Everything post what was it? Overboard or not Cabin Boy. Cabin Boy? No. What was the one with him that was like his very first one while he was still on SNL? Oh, Billy Madison?

Nope, before Billy Madison. Oh, like with Bulletproof? Was that him? No, that was afterwards, wasn't it? There was one about him being on a boat. And it's like totally a B-movie. Oh, I don't know it. Oh, I don't know.

Boat Boy? Yeah, Boat Boy. Okay. Next phone call. Boaty Madison. Hi, this is't know. Boat Boy? Yeah, Boat Boy. Okay. Next phone call. Bodie Madison. Hi, this is Lindsay from Vancouver calling with an overheard. From about 10 years ago in Montreal, I was in a used CD and record shop, and a Quebecois customer came into the store, and he went up to the clerk,

and I heard him say, uh, uh, uh, White Snake. What? White Snake What? White Snake? Yeah, White Snake was Do you have any White Snake? Yeah I'm a big fan of the French

with the one English word like poof Yeah Poof White Snake White Snake poof White Snake That's him telling a story of how White Snake. White Snake. Poof. That's him telling a story of how White Snake appeared to him for the first time.

Yeah. And then poof, it was gone. White Snake. Yeah. Okay, finally. Hey, David Graham. This is Aaron from Florida. I'm calling in with an overheard. I just went into my local Walgreens to get some coconut water,

and as the cashier was ringing me up, she started talking about how she grew up in Guam and would climb trees to get coconuts. And she was going on about how it was an all-day affair, and it was great, and it was a pleasant conversation until right at the end she finished off with it was really amazing

what those oriental girls taught me. Well, come on now. What year is it? Are we still allowed to use the words orient or oriental? I think the orient we can use. Not when referring to people. Can we use the orient? Yeah. Only if you say deepest, darkest orient.

Like you're trying to create a mysterious... Is that racist to say the orient? I think if you call somebody the Oreo that's racist. Sure. Well, if they're black with white in the middle. I don't know what's racist and what's not. The Orient sounds like something that an old maritime gentleman or lady.

Sure. It was equal opportunity on the sea. Have you had coconut water? It's a big craze right now. I'm going to take the opposing view and say that I thought it was gross. Yeah, I'm going to take the middle view and say I was too scared to have any i've had coconut water i've had water with aloe in it gross yeah gross aloe is for faces it's for external use only it's for boo-boos yeah it's for burns yeah it's not for but not if you get a burn on the inside of your mouth don't swish around

with aloe because it'll make you hate yourself. That aloe drink is the bright green stuff, right? Yeah, I bought it because it sounded really refreshing. But it's refreshing when you, like you say, when you put it on a burn, it's like, ah. You know what's really refreshing to drink is water. Also cola. Right? I don't find that's the case.

Oh, are you drinking this stuff with a twist of lime? Because that's the most refreshing. You need that. Did you ever find out what that Adam Sandler movie was? I want to tell you that the title of it was Going Overboard. Okay, what year was it? 1989. Oh, my.

Shit, this is early. This is before my knowledge of Adam Sandler. He plays Shecky Moskowitz. Uh-huh. But the two... I want to see... Like, this is crazy, because both of these guys are really famous, but they weren't in 1989. The number two and number three build actors in it.

Number three build Billy Zane. Uh-huh. Number two... He knows what he's talking about billy bob thornton oh ppt yeah so uh going overboard my favorite recognition this week yeah his best is he's gone downhill since then yeah that was uh yeah that followed by jack and jill that was his going overboard sure that was his cabin boy. Well, before we wrap up the show,

let's take another break. This week's episode is brought to you by IFC with Comedy Bang Bang every Friday at 10 o'clock. Hosted by Scott Aukerman with band leader Reggie Watts. This week's guest,

Michael Cera. And our close personal friend, Paul F. Tompkins. It's comedy so nice they banged it twice. Let's get back to the show. And bang it again. Now, Abby.

David. You're my wife. I'm your wife. Gross. Let's talk about how cute my tushy is. I knew it was going to come to this. When your dad was rubbing sunscreen on it, I had a look. Well, thank you so much for being our guest this week.

My pleasure. It was very happy to be here. This is number six, I think. Really? I want to believe that's true. I think it's six. I might be... I'm one of a select few.

And guys, let me just say, I love your love. It's great. Dave, do you have anything that you want to plug? Well, Abby, do you have anything you want to plug? Oh, yeah. Does Abby want to plug anything? I have Grandpa's Tumblr. Everybody loves Grandpa.

Oh, everybody does. Dot Tumblr dot com. Yeah, if you like looking at pictures of our dog. Especially the fella dogs is what we were talking about tonight. The fella dogs like Grandpa the most. Oh, yeah. Boy dogs love our dog. We were talking about tonight. The fella dogs like Grandpa the most. Oh yeah, boy dogs love our dog. We were talking about that off-air.

He's intoxicating to other male dogs, apparently. They just love him. And why not? What's not to love? Check it out on Tumblr. You'll see. See how gay my dog is on Tumblr. Our gay grandpa. Oh, that's a very other popular Tumblr.

Don't Google that. It's a very other popular topic. Don't Google that. Yeah. It's a different blog. It's a charity organization for gay grandpas. For gay grandpas. Oh, I just started an Etsy shop, actually. Yeah, if anyone wants to pick up any of these tooth pillows. I'm going to have a whole bunch of other stuff.

How do you find something on Etsy? Etsy slash... It's Mayfly designs canada mayfly mayfly designs fly like fly yes yeah and may like the month like the month designs like as in designer drop the ur off the end uh-huh yeah keep the s yeah keep the s that wasn't there to begin with yeah keep the silent s silent S. Yeah. And Canada as in... Canada. Yeah, as in these houses.

As in our village. As in, sorry that O Canada was six foot as long as you. It was just... For four and a half minutes. Yeah, holding that first or third last note. Fourth last note. Oh, no. Wait, not even. Dave, no. We don't allow it. Not even.

Dave, do you have anything? Okay. Vote for us in the Canadian Comedy Awards. Yeah. Oh, yeah, vote. That's canadiancomedy.ca. What's our platform? What are we running on?

Comedy. Yeah. Podcast. We're very funny in podcasting sometimes. Superior podcast. Yeah. Also tax cuts. Yes.

Also, we are we will be in the oleo festival in vancouver if you want to get passes for that at oleofestival.ca I don't think saying oleo is racist I think that's fine that's fine

I think oleo is fine unless you're being an asian person saying oreo then it's the most racist. It's super racist. And, oh, a couple things. I appeared on a YouTube show called Danger House Reviews. That was awesome. Where I go and they have a guest.

It's these two guys who live down the street from me, actually, who I'd never met before. They invite people into their house to watch a movie, and then you review it. And I had never seen Total Recall before, so I watched it, and I reviewed it. So I'll actually post a link to that in the MaximumFun.org episode

recap. And finally, a listener named Pat Crosby wrote in, actually sent in an acapella version of our theme song. So we're going to play that over the ending of the show. Get out. Fun. Awesome.

Wow. Now you, Graham? Well, I... You have a beard. I'm going to be in London in July at the Comedy Cafe. In a jumpsuit. In a denim jumpsuit, guaranteed. Oh, summer jumpsuit weather.

Yeah, exactly. I'm not afraid of it. I'm not afraid to sweat a lot in front of a group of strangers. I'm going to be competing in jumpsuits at the Olympics. In the high jumpsuit. The triple jumpsuit. A hop Yeah, in the high jumpsuit. The triple jumpsuit. A hop, skip, and a jumpsuit. But if you go to comedycafe.co.uk,

you will be able to look up the date and buy a ticket, why don't you? And yeah, I still have a special for sale at the standupcomedians.com. Also, past Podcasting Yourself alumni, Erica Sigurdsson just went up for sale this week. And Charlie Demers and Ivan Decker and all the laughs you'll have. Buy them all. Yeah, collect them all. They're all great. They're all worth it. Pokemon.

Gotta catch them all. And yeah, do go check out the blog recap at MaximumFun.org. Lots of pictures of things. Hopefully a picture of Caillou for people who don't know. Sure. Caillou. What he looks like.

That movie review show I was on. Yep. What else did we talk about? Somebody throwing up, maybe. No. Or maybe that baseball player from a couple weeks ago.

A whole bunch got caught in his beard. Yeah, he really just out of nowhere, that guy. Yeah. Surprised the world. It was the vomit heard around the world. The splat heard around the world. And if you like the show, tell your friends,

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye. Thank you.