Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 225 - Nancy Robertson

Episode Date: July 10, 2012

Actress Nancy Robertson joins us to talk about Italy, raccoons, and murder mysteries.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 225 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is probably the only person in the world who understands how much I hate summertime and how miserable today has been, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, it's so sunny. Look, I don't mind the sun.

The sun makes things so pretty. Oh sure, absolutely. But then you feel it and it's like, come on. Enough already. Yeah. I want to look at pictures of the sun. Yeah. And things being in the sun.

But, like, I want to look at pictures of the Arctic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And penguins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to go there. Never. You want to learn about the sun. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. In an air-conditioned room yeah exactly in a uh like a cellar yeah uh uh deep beneath the earth and this is uh this is our official summer kickoff where we start complaining about summer every podcast for the next two months yeah oh boy and the bugs yeah exactly and just the public transit. Oh, rough stuff. B.O. for everyone. And our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast, very, very funny actress, improviser, star of Corner Gas and Hiccups and The Delicate Art of Parking. One of my favorite Canadian movies ever. Miss Nancy Robertson is here.

Hello. Welcome. I'm a fellow summer disliker as well. I should say dislike. That's kind of harsh. Hate. No, that's better. Yeah, despise.

I'm a fellow summer despiser. It's refreshing to be around somebody who's like, stop hating on summer. That's all I've been getting all day on Twitter is I've been writing about how much I hate summer. Right. And people are like, leave summer alone as if it's a person. No, summer's nice from a distance, right? Yeah. Because like you said, it looks nice and it looks great in pictures.

Yeah. And, but when you're walking or driving and you're getting swollen and sweaty. Yeah. And I just get more irritable. Which is saying a lot that I just get more irritable. Which is saying a lot that I can get more irritable. I feel like it's fun to remember summer but not to exist in it.

Like it's fun to think back to summers and idealize them. Yeah, it's fun to look forward to summer and like oh, let's make a summer mixtape. Yeah! But then once that sun arrives. I look back to other people's summers yeah yeah like the ones in the movies 50s

uh shall we get to know us oh please get to know us so summer's not high on the agenda. Right. What's going on for you? What does the summer look like? Do you stay in town? Do you go somewhere cooler? No, actually, we're going to go to Italy. Oh, I hear that.

Very cool. Very cool. I'm bringing my parka. Yeah. And my toque. Yeah. And we're heading to 37 Celsius. Italy, as I call it.

Yeah. That's how they pronounce it over there. Yeah, Italy. And why Italy? Why now? Okay, well, I guess I'm going to change my mind. We're not going to go. I don't know.

It just seemed like a good time. It was a break in things to do, having things to do. So why not? Where are you going in Italy? Rome, first off. Right. And then we're going to go to Florence, which everybody tells me is fantastic. Florence is amazing. Rome is amazing.

The only one that everybody says don't go anywhere near during the summer is... Venice? Venice. Why? But that's where all the water is, right? Yeah, but it stinks. It's like, yeah, like it's not smell. Yeah, it's not moving water.

It's just water that sits there and just kind of and it gets really, really hot there, like hotter than anywhere else. That's really Italian there. Really Italian. Like more Italian than, I don't know. Yeah, it's like, like manja, abondanza. That's what the water says to you. Degerno.

Yeah. Delivery. Fiat. No. Is that Italian or French? I think it's Italian. It's just not a very Italian word. Listen, I don't need your judgment.

Yeah, no. I like this. This is dynamic. Have you been to Italy before? No, never been. You must go. Well, that's why we're going.

Because Dave says we simply must. When I went there a couple years ago, my cousin was getting married there, and I went to... there's a town, and I can't... Pisa. Yeah, it has a leaning tower. There's a town where they have like an annual horse race

in the middle of the town. Like there's a giant circle town square but a circle. A squared circle. A wrestling ring. A wrestling ring. And horses race in it every year. It's like this big... Are people in the streets while they're racing?

Yeah, it's called the Palio. And it's like this big. So I missed it by, I don't know, five days. And following the Palio was a live three-night engagement of Roberto Bonini performing like, I don't know, Pinocchio or something. It was all super Italian. Like too Italian. Yeah. Roberto Bonini as Rocky. It was all super Italian. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, too Italian. Yeah. Roberto Panini as Rocky. Do you have things on the list that, like, are must-see things, or are you just going to go and... The only thing that I want to see is the Coliseum, because of all the weird things that went on there. Yeah.

And I just really want to eat. Yeah. Is a big thing. They have to. So I hope it's as good as everybody says it is. My grandfather used to call pizza Italian hotcakes. So I'm looking forward to having a couple of Italian hotcakes over there. Authentic Italian hotcakes.

Yes, authentic Italian hotcakes. Yeah, the food there is great. The food's great. There's nothing you would rather do in 37 degree weather. Nothing more you'd rather do than eat a big bowl of pasta. I really feel you're not supporting me

on this show. One time I went to Italy, it was in the summer, and I thought... Oh, really? Did you have a crappy time? No, it was the greatest. I thought it would be like, oh, I'm not going to want to eat pasta or... By the way, we sound like the most Canadian people in the world. Like, pasta

in 37 degrees. But it was great. You're going to want to eat. Well, last year we went to Paris. And can I just say, because it sounds kind of obnoxious, we didn't start going until later age so you know so it doesn't sound like good we're off to here and off to there whatever checking things off the list so we went we went to paris and it was hot then too because

we went the same time not learning and uh and i would scream in between trees because it was so hot because we're outside by the loo and Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And as soon as I'd get to a tree and then I'd have to rest. And I couldn't go into the loo. I didn't want to wait in the lineup. Put my feet in the little fountain thing there and took off. So I don't know why we're doing this again. I think it's just to spite you.

You simply must spite me. You simply must. you yeah you simply must i simply must um are you guys is there potential of you guys renting uh scooters no oh because you really have to you simply must i simply must no well no okay you won't be i had a scooter accident once uh set. I wiped out and ripped my hand open. Really? Yeah. This is on Corner Gas. Yeah.

Because there's a whole episode where you're like on scooters imagining that you're in Italy. Yeah. This is working out well. And see, Dave, this trip to Italy is turning into something useful here. When did we like each other before we started this episode? So we're shooting it and I have to, and the people, some of the producers and everything were saying, no, you've got to wear gloves on the vest, but you've got to wear gloves. And I'm like, no, she wouldn't wear gloves.

And I didn't want to do it. And then it made me angry. I thought, I'm not wearing the gloves because everybody's telling me I should wear the gloves. I'm not going to wear the gloves because as soon as I put on the gloves, I'm going to have an accident. Well, okay. So I'm going down the mean streets of Rolo on the Vespa and I didn't know how they, you know, they had arranged the outdoor set to make it look like Italy.

Well, I turned right in the little alleyway and all of a sudden a donkey came towards me because I guess nothing says Italy more than a donkey. So I turned, and instead of hitting the brake, I hit the gas. And the Vespa went right up in the air, and it landed on top of me. And I ripped my hand, and I was so embarrassed because everybody was like, Oh, you should have worn the gloves. So I got up and went, No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

No, hey, let's go. Let's shoot. I'm a trooper. And finished the scene, and I went back to my trailer, and I cried. Because I was so embarrassed, and I had an owie. So I cried. I'm pathetic. And the donkey was laughing at you.

And the donkey, yes. So I swear to God, if I see a donkey in Italy. Oh, you will. Oh, I just must. I simply must see a donkey. oh you will oh i just must i simply must say um so yeah uh uh so that's summertime vacation are you uh what are you doing these days are you working on something or are you just kind of hanging out living life i'm kind of hanging out living life i'm taking a little bit of a breather awesome no i love how that sounds yeah i'm just saying no to everything that's coming my way right now.

But there's no lack from reruns of seeing my hug, right? So I'm just taking a little bit of a breather and maybe coming up with something new. Yeah. That's fantastic. Well, we're going to see it. Well, yeah, that's right right I'm going to reserve judgment no you know what I already love it I'm an enthusiast

yeah I should take a breather yeah slow down you move too fast you gotta make the morning laugh who wrote that song Paul Simon oh you're right.

How do you know it wasn't Art? I don't think Art wrote anything. What? Really? He was just the eye candy. He seemed prickly to me. Art Garfunkel, by the way, is who we're talking about. We're on a first name basis.

Yeah. Arthur Garfunkel. Yeah. Well, he drove me here tonight. That's so nice of him. Sure. Yeah. I can't think of a Simon and Garfunkel song that has a car in it.

Oh, yeah. Mrs. Robinson, I guess. Whoa. This is not mending our bridges. That plays during the car, the chase scene. Is it a chase scene? What, in The Graduate? Yeah.

I mean, the guitar part of it does anyway. Anyway, the important thing is, Art Garfunkel never wrote a song. He's looking for love. He's feeling groupie. What? So he never wrote a song, and then after they split up,

did he then start writing songs? I don't know. So he's the Andrew Ridgely of Wham! Yes, he's really. They should get together. Ah. Yeah, like there was something on The Simpsons like. It was John Oates and Art Garfunkel and, oh, there were a few more.

Yeah. And Lisa Simpson. Yeah. And everybody showed up and just started booing. Yeah. What did Garfunkel do? He acted in some things. I had a movie that he was... He was in Carnal Knowledge.

Oh, right. With Jack Nicholson and Anne Margaret and Candy Bergen. Oh, Candy. Speaking of first name bases. Candy, yeah. Candy Bergen and Bob De Niro. They were all there. Uh-huh.

All of Jimmy Conn. Candy, yep. Handy Bergen and Bob De Niro. They were all there. Jimmy Kahn. Yeah, I guess, what is he doing now? He's still alive. I don't know if Art Garfunkel, I don't know if he gets too much respect or not enough respect. Oh. He was really just, he didn't even sing every part of every song. He didn't write any songs.

Do you think if he plays live, he only does his part of the song? Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Garfunkel. When I was in grade six, we had a teacher that took all the students in his class into the music room, and he taught us Sounds of Silence by, well, I guess it wasn't Garfunkel. It was by Simon. Yeah. So there was all these grade sixers sitting around the piano.

Hello, darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk to you again. I know. And then he took us to Romeo and Juliet, which is kind of creepy because there was nudity in it. And when you're in grade six. Oh, really? Yeah. And then he started crying.

Your teacher did? I don't know where I'm going with this. Your started crying or you guys no the teacher did it was very bizarre at the nudity at the nudity was this a really was this a like a hippie dippy like i'm gonna show you education kind of yeah yeah i think so but it's just every time i think of simon and garfunkel which will never be simon and garfunkel now that you've just crushed my dreams. I'm just Simon and Simon. Yeah, they were detectives. Yeah. I'm sure someone's going to write in and say,

Dave, Art Garfunkel wrote these three songs. You've never heard of them. Yeah. Art, smart, Garfunkel rules. And the Garfunkel shuffle. To the Garfunkel. The Garfunkel. Garkel car funky town

did you ever have a teacher like that? like the hippy dippy oh yeah we had a teacher in grade also in grade 6 in grade 4 we had a teacher who would play Beatles songs on the guitar until someone was like are there any Beatles songs that aren't about love

and he was like well not, are there any Beatles songs that aren't about love? And he was like, well, not really. This one about a submarine. Why don't we do it in the road? Yeah. It doesn't have a lot about love. I guess the later stuff isn't so much about love. But that's not as easy to play on the guitar. But in grade six, we had a teacher who told us to break the rules and challenge everything.

Really? And take risks. And one day to prove that, you know, to put his money where his mouth was, he had a beard and he shaved the right side of his face and then walked around for like a month with half a beard. What? Oh, okay. Wow.

So this guy was like a real... What did you learn from it? Don't shave half your beard. What? Oh, okay. Wow. So this guy was like a real... What did you learn from it? Don't shave half your beard. Your face. Wow. If you're going to shave half your beard, do it like vertically. Yeah, do it top to bottom. Yeah.

Just shave the mustache, leave the beard, or vice versa. Yeah. Huh. I never had the freewheeling hipp hippie i'm gonna expand your mind teacher ever like i had a couple burnout teachers who maybe were that at the beginning of their career and then had you know it was beaten out of them yeah and and you could tell like like i there was one teacher i had that wore uh motorcycle boots every day with his corduroy pants. But he just seemed like a crazy person.

Who found some boots. And a classroom that nobody questioned why he was there. Do you think anyone's ever done, like, oh, the teacher's not showing up. I'll be the teacher. And then just start collecting a paycheck? Yeah, well, I think he up. I'll be the teacher. And then just start collecting a paycheck. Yeah, well, I think he probably did everything except collect the paycheck. Isn't there a movie about that, though? Didn't somebody do that?

They went in and pretended. Oh, School of Rock. Oh, that's right. Jack Black wasn't a teacher or the character. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. His roommate got called in. Also, Jack Black is not a teacher as well. Both his character and Jack Black. No, we don't. Well, okay, crush not a teacher either. Like, both his character and Jack Black.

No, we don't. Well, okay, crush another dream. Man. Walls are falling down. I'm going to go home and listen to Sounds of Silence. Written by Simon. Oh, wow. Yeah, that Romeo and Juliet, that was the, was it an Italian director?

Yeah. That was like way too adult for great sixers. Yeah, it was for great sixers. I know. And very uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Because you saw the guy's bare rear end.

And I hadn't seen that before. I was a late starter. Oh, my. Oh, my. You simply must see one. Yeah. oh my oh my you simply must see one yeah i uh now that i'm thinking about i think i had one drama teacher but again she didn't seem like expand your mind she seemed like a crazy person who maybe like i feel like maybe the schools i went to were the last before you were kicked out

of the system like for being a crazy person well Well, no, we're going to demote you down to the school. Drama teacher? Yeah. And if you don't clean up your act, you're out of the education system. Okay, so yours was the... Yeah, yours was like the... Sort of the farm team for school. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like... Yeah, if you showed improvement, maybe you could get back up to one of the better. But I feel like we were, yeah. Were you the school from Dangerous Minds, the Michelle Pfeiffer vehicle? Yeah. I never saw that. I never saw it either. I never saw it.

Did you really? I'm the only one in this room that's seen Dangerous Minds? Yeah. Here's what I know about it. It's an instant classic. Coolio did the soundtrack. Yeah. Yeah.

They did. Coolio also did Michelle Pfeiffer's makeup. And hair. Yeah. into those weird bridge over troubled water with art garfunkel uh julio and garfunkel um and do they go on a roller coaster no okay uh i think you're thinking of final destination i'm thinking of fear with Mark Wahlberg. What happens in that movie? In Dangerous Minds? Yeah.

It's the very typical teacher comes into underprivileged school. They want to go on a roller coaster. She doesn't let them. Yeah, she won't let them. They're not tall enough. They're short kids. Hey. She says, if you get your test scores up, I'll bribe the carny.

We'll all go on the roller coaster together. You want to get your test scores this high to ride. She does a thing that I don't know if teachers do this in real life. But they do it all the time in movies where the teacher goes to the home of a troubled student. That seems right. Like if that happened now. Oh, it happens. I know that for sure. Does it really? No, I don't know. goes to the home of a troubled student? Mm-hmm. That seems... Right? Like, if that happened now to anybody you know... I know that for sure.

Does it really? No, I don't know. I had... I never saw that movie, but I had a teacher in grade 10. We had had, I think, two teachers in social studies. One had a nervous breakdown. Another quit, because the kids in my class were awful. studies. One had a nervous breakdown. Another quit because the kids in my class were awful. It was just like, it was the same kids

from every other class, but just this combination in this class, it was explosive. And then this new teacher came in and she was like a young woman and she said, she was like talking tough and saying how she compared herself

to the Michelle Pfeiffer character from... No. Yeah, yeah. Really? She was like, I'm like that woman in Dangerous Minds. You can't intimidate me. Now, doesn't that just make you want to go, well, I'm going to give it a try? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I don't remember why she left but she left she was she left the school week two she stubbed her toe not as tough as I thought it was I had an ex-military teacher once

Mr. Edwards that guy it's like his face was made out of stone. Like, he didn't, even when he was having a good time, he still was very growly and reserved. Yeah. And I remember one time when somebody challenged him, you know? Like, one of the, like, the class Ashton Kutcher. Sure. Really took him on, and he, and he picked him up by the collar

and threw him out of the classroom which I don't think and by the belt he really did, like a bouncer just tossed him out of the classroom which I didn't think, because he was an old guy a year or two away from retirement well anger makes you strong

yeah it does, it makes you strong. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. It does. It makes you strong. Look at the Hulk. Yeah. Yeah. It makes you strong. That military background,

he probably never lost the discipline and was doing, you know, a thousand crunches a day. Oh, yeah. Oh, I never saw him shirtless. Ugh. Bucket list. Oh, you simply must.

Okay. Okay. I'll leave that alone. That's the last time I'm using that. But yeah, I think he was the only teacher that I was actually kind of scared of. But I just think that would be a wretched job to teach. Because you'd have to be so patient.

Yeah, patience. That just doesn't interest me. Patience. And just the abuse you would take. And oh, I'd give it to them. I could not do it. I don't think I could do it either. It's so repetitive, too.

Well, that's why they're paid so well. Isn't it? Yes, this is true. This is true. Oh, man. Yeah, I guess that's why I'm not a teacher. It has nothing to do with my lack of degree things that you would need to be a teacher. Lack of knowledge. Lack of knowledge.

Lack of knowledge. Or car. All sorts of things you would need to get to work. Doesn't even have a pencil case. Yes, I don't. That's the one thing. Yeah, you need to have a car to be a teacher. Well, it doesn't hurt.

I mean, unless the kids find out which car is yours and start keying it. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, this week was a big week. For who? Well, for everyone. Oh, sure. Actually, I know it's sunny and we hate the heat and everything, but today was beautiful and I really enjoyed the weather and I'm sorry about that.

Hey, no, you know what? If you're turning over a hot new leaf. I think I'm turning over a slightly hotter leaf. What's happened to you? I don't know. You've changed, man. Even since the beginning of the podcast, you've changed. I don't know you anymore.

But the big thing that happened this week is I had a run-in with some raccoons. Oh, no. Well, no, it wasn't really a run-in. It was great. I was at my parents' house for dinner on Friday, and my wife and her mother were there, and

my sister and her family. So a real family dinner. Yeah, it was great. And we looked out after dinner in my parents' backyard, and there's a tree that, it's got this sort of canopy? Is that a word that it's got this sort of canopy is that a word? Canapé.

It's got an amuse-bouche at the top. It's just like an area at the top where it's sort of flat and there was a family of raccoons in there. A mother and like three baby raccoons and they were so cute. Oh wow, baby raccoons. they were so cute oh wow baby raccoon and i uh

remembered the last time that there was a raccoon living in that tree it was like 15 years ago i was living with my parents because i was a child best place to be i was living with my parents at the time at the time i was four years old and i moved back on my parents at the time. At the time. I was four years old, and I was living with my parents at the time. Failure to launch, am I right? And there was a raccoon living in that tree, and it had been there for days, and my mom was getting sick of it, and my brother was visiting. What was your mom's main beef with this raccoon being in the tree? Oh, it's just, it's a pest. What was it doing in it?

Was it throwing things at the house? No, but it's like... Through the back window? It's like cockroaches don't do anything to you, but you don't want to... Yeah, but they're not furry. That's true. There's a big difference. If something's furry, I don't know, it makes it more appealing. Look at Graham. Yeah. That's true. There's a big difference. If something's furry, I don't know.

It makes it more appealing. Look at Graham. Yeah, that's true. He's very appealing. If I was completely hairless, it'd be pretty creepy. I don't think my mom would want you living in a tree, though. Staring at her? Yeah.

Yeah, was the raccoon slowly learning all of her mannerisms? Yeah, it was mocking her. Five o'clock, time to make dinner. Look at me, I can stand on two legs. So this raccoon was living in the tree. And my brother was visiting. He's older than me. And there was this cantaloupe in the kitchen that was rotten it was like sort of

going rotten and my brother threw it uh at this raccoon and it hit the raccoon and it broke on the raccoon's back uh and then there were just cantaloupe chunks and the raccoon just stayed and ate cantaloupe yeah it's like a pinata for him. Yeah. And so, I told, when we saw this family of raccoons the other day, I said to my mother, hey, do you remember when Mark threw that cantaloupe at that

raccoon that one time? And my mother was like, that wasn't Mark, that was me. And I was like, are you sure? And she's like, yeah, yeah, it was totally me. You don't have a brother and then um uh a few minutes went by and my dad uh entered the room and he saw that we were all looking at the raccoons and he's like hey dave do you remember that time i threw a candle up at the raccoon so is it like is your family all playing a trick on you

well the thing is i don't really remember who did it and so i i emailed my brother after that and i was like do you do you remember it must have been you and then your brother like what's a cantaloupe my brother had no memory of it so i don know. If anyone out there listening knows who threw that can of worms at that raccoon that one time. Oh, this is like that Leonardo DiCaprio movie. And Mark Ruffalo, when they go to the island. Monster Island. Was that what it is? Scary Island.

Scary. Shutter Island. Spooky. Shutter Island. Shutter Island. Yeah. And nobody believed you. Oh, so I will have, I'm crazy.

And they're going to make, oh, by the way, this is a spoiler. They're going to tell me I'm a detective investigating the case of the raccoon and the cantaloupe. Right. And you're actually the cantaloupe. Oh, that is a spoiler. We had a raccoon attack our dog last summer. Yeah? Yeah, in the afternoon.

He was, our dog Oliver, was in the backyard. And he barks a lot, but I didn't think anything about it. And this time it was a really different bark. You know how you know your dogs bark. Absolutely. And the raccoon, it was like noon, high noon. Fighting time. Fighting time. Fighting time.

And the raccoon was on the top of our fence and just kind of waddling, straddling it. And Oliver was below it just barking. And the raccoon jumped off the fence and onto Oliver's back. And I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any shoes on because it was stupid summer. Yeah. And I'm in the backyard. Dave's favorite.

Yeah. Summer sucks. And I start screaming because I don't know what to do. And I'm great in a crisis. Wait, wait, wait. I think I got lost. You're screaming. Because the raccoon is on my dog.

Oh, on your dog. On my dog. Okay, I missed that. And the raccoon is on my dog oh on your dog okay i missed that and the raccoon is not pleased and at first oliver is trying to clue in like oh hey you don't want to play oh and so i'm trying to i don't know what to do and then my husband comes out on the back deck and he sees this is going on and then he stands up like a bear on the top of the stairs i think he read somewhere you make yourself big like a bear and so but it kind of worked because the raccoon got off oliver and i steered oliver up the back steps and my husband was still standing there with his arms up and the raccoon i swear to god stands on its back paws and swipes his calf with his claw. Oh, wow.

Yeah. So I took them both to the vet afterwards. Seriously. So I said to the vet, after you've checked out Oliver, because he had some cuts and everything on him, to take a look at my husband's leg. And he said he hadn't broken the skin. But I think he was disappointed because I think he wanted to wake up, have a little mask and be a raccoon man. Slowly started evolving. A radioactive raccoon.

Started taking shiny things, washing all his food. Yeah, getting attacked by cantaloupes. Getting attacked by cantaloupes. Just having people throwing fruit at you. It's not a hard life. Wow. Yeah, and I've always looked at raccoons and thought they were really cute. But we had a family living on our roof, and that was, I think, one of them was coming back to see if the family was there.

Wow. Oh, yeah. Papa was a rolling stone. Papa was a rolling stone. Wherever he laid his rock, I have no idea where to go. Yeah, I don't think raccoons wear hats. Watch his tree. Yeah, I don't think raccoons wear hats.

Oh, man. I had a very peaceful encounter with a raccoon, say, three or four months ago. I was walking down the alley, and there was a couple apartment units that had their dumpsters behind a gate. Highfalutin. Yeah, right? Well, the ones that didn't often had their garbage pulled out by people and ripped open and thrown everywhere. But there was a raccoon that had halfway squeezed

itself into the gate, and I walked by, and the raccoon just froze. And we made eye contact, and it was kind of like, if you don't say anything, I won't. And I just stood there staring at it, and it just was like like, if you don't say anything, I won't. And it was, I just stood there staring at it and it just, it was like, I'm not gonna.

Yeah. Until you're gone. It's those, it's like the bandit mask that it's wearing. It is. It's always up to shenanigans. It does, yeah. Mischief. Yeah, nature's caper makers.

Yeah, nature's Hamburglar. Nature's Hamburglar. So yeah, that was my week, big raccoon week. Yeah, nature's Hamburglar. Nature's Hamburglar. So yeah, that was my week. Big raccoon week. Yeah, absolutely. It's raccoon week all this week. But did it really happen, though? We don't know if it even really happened.

That's true. You raise a good point. Yeah. Well, sure I do. Yeah. Is that raccoon your Tyler Durden? Yeah. You guys, you've got me questioning a lot about what happened.

Yeah, do you think back and it's your mom throwing a cantaloupe at you. That would be scarifying. Yeah. Absolutely, it's a terrifying tale. Yeah. Graham, how was your week? Well, here's the thing. Okay.

Two things. All right. Uno, dos, tres. Okay. Uno. That's number one oh italian someone's been practicing i'm going there did i tell you oh you simply uh last week i talked about very briefly about the that i mowed the lawn for the first time in a decade and how much i enjoyed it i've been fielding a couple offers from people to come mow their lawns

uh so thank you for getting in touch to the people who have i'm considering all of your offers um for real you can't really consider them too too long because it's it is as i believe we covered earlier it's the summertime but see i'm wondering like what do i ask for do i ask for two lemonades do i ask for what do i don't have to just do the hobo code you can ask for real money you don't barter things well but they know how much i'm going to enjoy it so it's hard it's easy on their end to negotiate for no money. But you also are completely allergic to it. So you will need to pay for your allergy medicine.

So two things of lemonade and a Benadryl chaser. Why not Benadryl and Smiles? Oh, hey. I'm not averse. Yeah? What about a hug, a Benadryl, and a lemonade? These are all different combinations. How about hugging lemonade on Benadryl, and a lemonade. These are all different combinations. How about hugging lemonade on Benadryl?

Oh, fun. So mowing lawns could be in my future, guys. Like I say, I'm considering onwards. What do you like about it? I found it very meditative. I found it very relaxing. And maybe that's like a thing that goes away once you have to do it every week.

Maybe not. But yeah, maybe not. I hadn't done it since I was a teenager and just moved into a place where mowing the lawn is part of the deal. And so I did it. I was like, wow, that was a lot of – I enjoyed that. I actually enjoyed it. Are these offers coming from people who own lawnmowers, or would you have to bring your own lawnmower on a bus?

No, yeah, I stipulate they... I stipulate that they have to own a lawnmower. And none of this old-timey, no power to them. Oh, I like those ones. Well, I like to see other people use them. Oh, they sound great. They have a great sound. It's a good...

Just the design of them is so good, because it lands in a little receptacle in the back. Yeah. But I think it's like, say, a summertime. Fun to look at and hear. Maybe not so fun to be a part of. Sure. Top four seasons, in order.

Fall. Okay. Numerono. Spring. Winter. Summer. Summer. Okay. Actually, I'm going to kick summer right off the list. I'm Okay. Numero uno. Uh-huh. Spring. Ah. Winter. Ooh. Summer. Okay. Actually, I'm going to kick summer right off the list.

I'm going to put winter twice. But do you look forward to summer before it gets here, and then when it gets here, you're kind of like, ah, I forgot. I think that I like the first maybe week when it gets a little warmer, and it's like you actually can see that people have a form that's not just a jacket. Like, you remember that people have, like, a shape to them, and then I'm done. I think we can all agree that every season

is, like, a month and a half too long. Yes, yeah. Although fall... I'm done with all of them before they're done with me. Fall, I feel, I could live in... If I had to pick one season, fall would be it. I think I'm, you know, I'm going to go with you on that one.

Yeah, I do. I do like fall. There's something cozy about it. And for me, I'm the opposite. I like to lose the form. Oh, yeah, you like to. And the fall cover up. Yeah.

You know, so. Sweater weather. Yeah, sweater. Layers. Yeah, layers. J.Crew catalog. Absolutely. Oh, fall. Guys, I wish it was fall oh man jump in the leaves when you mow someone's lawn you should big make a big pile of grass and jump in it yeah and then uh i don't know like do you just and then i just die and

then walk away yeah get covered in hives hives. So that was numero uno. Big news of the week. Okay. So there were dos. Yeah. Nancy, dos is? Two. Okay. Yeah. As in a dosotang. Duotang? That's not working for me.

You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, I know what a duotang is. A binder. Binder, everybody. Binder. I did a show the other night, and it ended wonderfully. Good! Yeah. And that's my week.

It was one of these shows that started very poorly, but the audience was very much on board with uh interacting uh while i was out there and i zeroed in on a table of uh people at the very back one because the guy looked a lot like kind of like a tom waits character i just commented on him very quickly and he was uh turns out he was a serbian gentleman and told me not to make fun of Serbia. And I kept calling him Eastern Promises and things escalated. And then he got up to go to the bathroom, which was behind the stage. So he crossed the stage and everybody got super scared.

And then it was like being in a play. Like everybody's like, oh no, the scary Serbian guy is in the bathroom and at this i've been up on stage for like 25 minutes at this point i didn't know how to wrap things up or how to rap well i had never learned i didn't go to uh dangerous high dangerous minds high um so i had my back to the wall i was like every back to the wall. I was like, back to the wall, everybody. Serbian guys on the loose. And as if he was like, as if I cast him in a play, while he was in the bathroom, he like messed up his hair and came out with his like coat, all like his collar popped up. Yeah. And he jumped around the corner like, and everybody went crazy.

Like, and that was the end of the show. So to Serbians everywhere, you're the greatest. So you said it didn't, when you started the story, you said, oh, the show didn't start well, but the audience was very interactive. Is that something you want? Yes. An interactive audience? Yeah, I like doing crowd work. I like to ask people what's going on.

But it just became all that. And a bag of chips. Yeah, absolutely. And a scary Serbian. All that and a scary Serbian. But it was great. It was like being in what I imagine being a bar on the beach. Yes. Great. It was like being in a, you know, what I imagine being a Bart on the Beach. Or some kind of weird dinner theater where there is a guy in the audience who ends up being a character in the play.

That's what happens on Bart on the Beach, isn't it? You're standing next to a guy and he's dressed like Elizabethan times. I feel like what you're describing is more of like one of those murder mystery nights. No, I think... Where someone you don't think is part of it is part of it. I did those. On Bart and the Beach. Did you really?

Yeah, I did some of those years ago. What did you... Were you typecast? Did you... Like, what kind of character were you in the murder mystery? I usually had to play the older lady, which would be okay now, would make sense. It'd be fantastic. Yeah, it'd be great.

Imagine the outfit. Imagine it. Yeah. No, don't. You'd probably get a Yeah, it'd be great. Imagine the outfit. Imagine it. Yeah. No, don't. You'd probably get a lot sitting time, more sitting time than everybody else. And that's valuable now. That's really valuable. No, I think, yeah, I always had to dress up as the old woman.

And you would pray to be the one that had to get shot that night or something, because you still got paid the same. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was different every time. Yeah, yeah. So was it a draw straws or was it no no the person who would run the because we were paid to do it we'd go to these events and they would pay you to come in as actors and go in and do the murder mystery and you'd pay play a character and it didn't matter whether you got killed off the top or not so everybody wanted wanted to get killed. Wow. Because you could lay there. Oh, you just lay there.

You had to stay dead the whole. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, which is fantastic. It's not like somebody's murdered them and carted their body off. No, no, no. You had to stay there. Did anyone ever fall asleep as the victim? Like, taken aback?

No, no. Well, I think maybe a few of the audience members did. I never understood why that was a big draw. But they all had to guess. So, yeah, so that's it. I just was in a murder mystery. I thought understood why that was a big draw, but they all had to guess. So, yeah, so that's it. I just was in a murder mystery. I thought I'd cut you off. No.

If there was any time in the world when you have something related, we're talking murder mystery. Yep. If we bring up Tony and Tina's wedding, will you have anything about that? Were you in that ever? No, I was not, but I did go,

and I was really uncomfortable. I've never seen that. That's interactive it is interactive audience i've been to tony and tina's wedding have you yeah because i had friends and they were like oh you just have to all you have to do is show up in a suit and you can just come in for free because they were people with uh you know that knew the people who managed it or whatever. But the people don't ever stop. Like the actors, it's all the time. Always. And it makes you feel lonely. Well, because like you're going to somebody else's experience.

Yeah, yeah. It was crazy because it was like if you were sitting by yourself, some actor would come and start talking to you. I've never seen it. Now, Tony and Tina's wedding is like an Italian flat cake or whatever. Hot cake. Italian hot cake. It's a thing where

there's a wedding. You go to a church. It's in a real church. Everybody's paid to be a guest. They have the wedding party and the family. They put on a huge wedding. And then you go to the reception because they have to feed you. And by the time you hit the reception, you're really sick of the family. So much drama with this Tony and Tina.

Oh, those Italians are passionate. Okay, so we've eliminated the other people eliminated the italians and the serbians um but it's just yeah it was you know it was yeah i mean for it's you know it's one of those things like people who like that kind of thing is it written love it yeah there's a plot there's a plot okay uh and it's drama drama. The two families come together and there's drama. And so all the actors are assigned a character. This person's the cousin and this person's

cousin Vinny and cousin the other Vinny. Vinny two. Vinny three. And there's speeches and yeah, like I mean it would be fun if you had only ever heard about weddings and never had been to one. Yes, that's perfect.

If you'd only ever heard of Italians. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a safe way into that scary world of weddings. Sure. Yeah, it just goes on too long. Yeah, it was like three hours or something. Yeah, it's a long night. Yeah, and you have to wear a suit.

And you're not allowed to leave. Sure you could. Yeah, I mean, there's... There isn't a serving blocking the door. Well, I feel like that's the kind of thing... Like, a regular play... I mean, any play is boring, honestly. Not Bart on the Beach. If somebody throws a Frisbee into a scene on Bart on the Beach,

they have to incorporate it into a scene. If the listener doesn't know, Bart on the Beach is Vancouver's Shakespeare festival. Like Shakespeare in the Park. Yeah. On the beach. Except it's under a tent. Shakespeare in a tent. Yeah, but you can't leave a regular play.

Not if you're on stage. No, even in the audience. Because everyone's a suspect. Nobody leave. Let's move on to Overhearsed. Let's take a quick break and handle some business. Then can we move on to Overhearsed? Yes.

Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business.

That music, of course, means that it's time to handle a little bit of business. And this week we've got a personal message on the Jumbotron. This is to Kevin Utich? Or Utich. Or Utick. Utick. Oh, Utick. I don't know. Kevin U.? Or Utich. Or Utick. Utick. Oh, Utick. I don't know.

Kevin Yu. Hey, Kevin Yu. I graduated from Kevin Yu. What did you major in? Kevin. This is from Laura Chang of Chicago, Illinois. The same Laura Chang. Yep.

This is a, it's a happy father's day message now in canada father's day comes in july so that's what they adjusted for us yeah i know this is a message we apologize this message got caught up a bit in our uh pneumatic tube system yeah and it's not this isn't somebody who forgot father's day and has gone back and said, hey, be cool, and tell them that I bought it ahead of time. That actually is something that was bought ahead of time. So, Kevin, happy first Father's Day,

aww, to an amazing husband and father. No one can wrap big poopies as well as you from Laura. I challenge that, but, you know what? It's your day. So, you're the man and if you would like uh a personal or a corporate ad on our show head over to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron do you want to move on to overheard dave you know i would love it over now overheards things that you

hear things that you observe in everyday life You capture them in your brain This is my favorite segment You hold on to them This is my favorite segment on the show Wait, shut up! My favorite segment on the show is this one Oh, nuts! A segment called Celebrity Birthdays

No, it's not still called that, is it? Last week I changed Celebrity Birthdays to Celebrity Breath Days. No, it's not still called that, is it? Last week I changed Celebrity Birthdays to Celebrity Breath Days. Every week I like to take some time out and acknowledge the celebrities in our world and their birthdays and what their breath smells like. But this week I'm changing it up a bit. Oh, gosh. To Celebrity Barf Days. No, no. Now, today we will be wishing a happy birthday to several celebrities, as well as trying to guess the last time they threw up.

Oh, fun. Okay. And so these are all for celebrities celebrating their barf days on July 10th. July 10th. July 10th. So big happy celebrity barf day. Dave, I insist you do shut up because it's time for my favorite segment. A segment that keeps, I'd say keeps the internet alive. It's a little segment called Hulk Hogan News.

And Hulk Hogan News is, I comb comb through the internet i have reporters in the field you have a big internet comb absolutely um and uh i collect all the goings-on of professional wrestler and acting icon and rapper and rapper hulk hogan dancer um and this week um amateur pornographer yeah well without his knowledge so super amateur yeah um how do you not know yeah right yeah i don't know somebody uh i always do yeah whenever i'm making pornography with hulk hogan um uh this week uh um the his film debut uh well not actually his film debut well not actually his film debut but his leading role debut

a movie called No Holds Barred was re-released on DVD released for the first time on DVD oh that's right, but remastered in Hulk you got your re's mixed up in Hulk-O-Rama sound in Technicolor You got your reeds mixed up. Yeah. In Hulk-O-Rama sound. Yeah.

In Technicolor. And to coincide with that, the WWE, the World Wrestling Entertainment Facility, they released a promo video of a bunch of their wrestlers talking about No Holds Barred. And it was literally 12 minutes of these wrestlers all making fun of No Holds Barred, and it was literally 12 minutes of these wrestlers all making fun of No Holds Barred. Oh, really? Yeah. And it seems kind of like a bully-ish thing to do. Huh.

But No Holds Barred, have you seen No Holds Barred, Nancy? Seven times. So you can confirm that No Holds were barred. They absolutely were not. Well, that was the end of the movie. They barred a bunch of holds. Well, now you just blew it.

They blew it in the title. Spoiler alert. But anyways, it's out. I'm going to buy it on DVD because I haven't seen it since last year on VHS. Are you going to buy it with your lawn mowing money? Absolutely. I'm going to save up my quarters. I think it's funny that you said that the wrestlers were making fun of it, and you called them bullies.

I can't imagine that the bullies in high school ever grew into wrestlers. Yeah, it seems... Well, I always assumed it was like the bigger theater guys would end up being wrestlers. Yeah, but bullying's the hip thing to do now, isn't it? Oh, that's true. Yeah, it's the hip thing. I read that in Today's Parent. Bullying is in.

Bullying seems to have changed since my childhood. Yeah, people care now. Yeah. But, like, I don't know if the same things were considered bullying then that are considered bullying now. Or if it's just, like, if someone is a bully, whatever they do is bullying. Like, even if they order an entree at a restaurant. Yeah, but they probably do it in a

really rude way. Bring me a burger, dummy. P.S. I think you're stupid. Yeah. I'm gonna throw this burger on the floor. No tip. He only mistreats the waiter because he loves him. Spoiler alert! Well, that has been a crush on him. Spoiler alert.

Well, that has been a wonderful segment of Hulk Hogan News. Thank you. Now back to the item at hand, Celebrity Barf Days. Finally. Happy, this is July 10th, happy 32nd Celebrity Barf Day to singer slash fashion designer slash, oh, maybe actress uh stefani jessica simpson 32 today uh she was recently pregnant yes and uh she is working with Jenny Craig? Oh, maybe.

She signed on to be like... She put on a bunch of weight. So she's going to lose that weight and be their celebrity endorsement. Yeah. But because she was pregnant, I bet you the last time she threw up was during the pregnancy. Morning sickness. Not during the actual... Oh threw up was during the pregnancy. Morning sickness. Not during the actual. Oh, yeah.

During the labor. Yeah. Or the conception. The conception is the last time she threw up. Now, I can say that because I don't know who her husband is. Yeah, I don't know if she has a husband. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, maybe she doesn't.

Maybe she threw up because she was disgraced. Happy 35th Celebrity Barf Day to Entourage star Adrian Grenier. Oh, yeah. He's the main guy. He was very... Vinny Chase. I'm going to pretend that. Very greasy.

Oh, yeah. Very greasy hair. What is he doing now? He's starring in Aquaman. Wrong. Aquaman. He's throwing up. Throwing up.

Oh. Yeah. On his birthday. Yeah, absolutely. He ate too much cake. He ate one of those deep and deliciouses all to himself. Right? So that's that.

We happy with that? I couldn't be happier. Okay. The next. I'm a little unsatisfied. Oh, go on. No, I'm fine. The next celebrity birthday, actor Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Who? Oh, yeah. Who? He's an actor. What's he been in? Children of Men, 2012. He's a very handsome black man. has he been in anything i've seen so happy 35th birthday to him and wait wait when was the last time he threw up oh um

i think it's probably been like maybe he's got a hot streak he seems like one of those guys got a 10-year streak yeah i think he probably it was a bad hot dog that he ate the last time and it was just like a random but he hasn't yeah he doesn't he doesn't throw up he's one of those iron stomachs i don't know the hot dog at a birthday party oh because it'd be a birthday but this is what i'm imagining it was a birthday party hot dog oh you know what it was it's been sitting in the hot water for about an hour his birthday is so close to july 4th water for but an hour. His birthday is so close to July 4th, he saw the, or pardon me, the 4th of July.

There's a difference. Yeah, sorry. Sorriness accepted. He saw the people in the hot dog eating contest, and he wanted to emulate them, so he tried to eat a bunch of hot dogs after dipping them into

water. By the way, did you watch that? Not this year. I did. I watched it. Have you ever watched it? No, I watched a bit of it. I saw a guy being interviewed that was entering it and apparently he was the world champion of the hot dog eaters. He went to the doctor and he was told he was in great shape and this is just once a year where he just trashes himself, and he's safe to go in. He's got the big okay. So I don't know whether he won or not.

Maybe you know. Wow. Well, was he a white guy with kind of a really short bobbed hair? That was him. He won. Yeah. Ah. He won, and I don't remember.

A friend of mine was telling me that he watched a documentary about a competitive hot dog eater who would train... No holds barred. No holds barbed. I was trying to think of no holds bunned or something. Anyways, he, to train his throat, esophagus to be big enough. He would take an entire Tootsie Roll and turn it into a ball the size of a baseball and just swallow it. That would expand the size of his throat so he could

just throw hot dogs down it. Anyways, I hope that somebody out there is barfing now because of that story. Happy 40th Celebrity Barf Day to Modern Family star Sofia Vergara.

Ah. Um. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm? After a hot dog contest? Yeah.

How old was the last time she barfed? Well, when was the last time she ate? Oh! Oh! Pretty good. And happy 60th Celebrity Barf Day to Canadian rock star Kim Mitchell. Oh, is that...

Oh, patio lanterns? Yes, absolutely. Patio lanterns. Might as well absolutely. Patio Lanterns. Might as well go for a soda. To settle that stomach of yours after you threw up. That's right. Might as well go for a ginger ale. I really thought Celebrity Barf Day would eclipse the popularity of Celebrity Breath Day. Well, it has.

I think you're right. I think it really outshone Send in your suggestions for the next Celebrity Blank Day. Pretty good. Okay. Okay, finally, we actually are here at the precipice of overheards.

And we always like to start with the guest. Now, that sound made it sound like maybe you are not ready. Or you're scared. No, I'm not as scared. Okay. I guess the lesson here is that I should pay attention more when I'm out. Because I racked my brain and I thought, when's the last time I overheard this?

And quite frankly, it's odd because I'm Mrs. Kravitz when I'm out. Because I watch and I snoop and everything, but I guess my hearing's not great. You're Lenny Kravitz when you're out. I'm Lenny Kravitz when I'm out and I have my dreadlocks stuck in my ears and I can't hear a thing. So it's more of somebody maybe overhearing me. And even then, it's not great. This is fine. Don't downsell. it's not great. This is fine. Don't downsell.

Upsell. Okay, this is fantastic. We just sat through Celebrity Barf Day. And that weird Hulk Hogan thing. Hey, no, that Hulk Hogan thing was diamond in the rough. It was. And I really did like the Celebrity Barf Day. Hey, thanks, guys.

No, I'm not lying. Okay. So, um, the only thing, okay, it happened twice in one week okay that somebody overheard me and uh the the first time was uh driving it was it it happened in a car twice and the window was down once again i hate summer because if it wasn't summer, nobody would have heard me. Ah, perfect. Right? So I was telling a friend of mine in the car about a time when I was in Hawaii and it was just this Christmas.

And the – I know, Italy, Hawaii. I know. Paris. Oh, my life is fabulous. They're going to find out I'm a flight attendant. And so I was telling about a story that we got to bed, well, pretty early. You know, it was Maui. I don't know why I needed to add that.

You'd had too much poi. I had too much poi. So I guess it was late at night, and all of a sudden we heard this music blaring through the hotel and it was john mayer uh i think uh your body's a wonderland i think your body's a wonderland i think your body's a wonderland i'm not sure yeah but i think your body's a wonderland. So it's blaring. And so my husband gets up, opens the screen door, and yells, does it have to be fucking John Mayer? And as I'm saying that story to a friend, we were pulling up to a stoplight, and there was a young guy with a backpack laughing, said, I agree.

Just in general. Just in general. Just in general. So that was the other one. The other one's kind of mean. I thought you were going to say we pulled up and it was John Mayer next to us. And he was like, hey, I think your bodies are wonderless.

I told you it could be better. I didn't upsell it. You shouldn't have expected that. No, that was great. It was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. you it could be better well any story i didn't upsell it you shouldn't have expected that no that was great it was great okay yeah yeah yeah absolutely absolutely now you have another one that's well it was very brief but i feel kind of bad about it because you never want to hurt anybody's feelings and it does yeah apparently it does um once again in a car window down and it was in the evening, and we're turning, and

on the corner was this gal in a really, I don't know, really strange, like it was a maxi skirt. A word on the street is their back. Yep. And it- Graham, do you know, sorry to interrupt. Sure, no problem. Do you know what a maxi skirt is?

I am going to assume that it's the opposite of a mini skirt. Nice. It is. Is it ankle length? Yeah. On me, it looks like I'm wearing a nightie. Okay. That's a good look.

It is a good look. Okay. So we turn the corner, and then it was a really ugly skirt. I don't know how to say it. And I just said, with the window open, wow, now that's a skirt. Which isn't that, you know. But then I realized the window was open, and she looked as we were driving away. And then I felt really crappy, because I thought she probably thought she looked fantastic.

And maybe she did, and I have the taste that sucks, right? So I just felt really bad, because she was heading out on a Friday night, and that might have stuck in her head for the whole night. So I hope somebody told her she looked great later on that night. But what about this possibility? I'm just going to throw that out there. Maybe it was two kids standing on each other's shoulders trying to sneak into a movie

and they were afraid that somebody just busted them. Yeah, yeah. And then they were actually relieved when you drove away. Oh yeah, that sounds scary. Like it's not bad at all. You know what? I never even thought about that. I think that's probably what it was. Or maybe. I think that's probably what it was. Maybe she thought you were like

a 1940s detective who referred to women as skirts. Like, now that's a skirt. Yeah. What a dame. Inch eye, private eye. Yeah, look at those. Look at those sticks. Look at those walking sticks.

Yeah. Wish she wasn't wearing that skirt. I can see her walking sticks. Oh, man. Take it on the heel and toe. What was that last one? Take it on the heel and toe. I love it.

Take it on the heel and toe. Oh, that's a new one. I've never heard that before. How about, that's a honey of a bracelet. Sorry. Devil indemnity. Yeah, honey of a bracelet's good. That's a honey of a bracelet. Sorry. No. Devil indemnity. Yeah, honey of a bracelet's good. That's a honey of a bracelet.

I like What's the Rumpus? Yeah. Oh, the Coen Brothers, Miller's Crossing. Yes. Oh, when he punches a kid or smacks a kid and then grabs a kid, did somebody hit you? Also, are you giving me the high hat? Yes. Hey, he's giving me the high hat? Yes. Hey, he's giving me the high hat.

Yeah. I like, you know, popular sayings like, how do you do? Good morning. Yeah. What are doing? Yeah. What are doing? Yeah.

Dave, do you have an overheard? I do have an overheard. This was something that took place on a bus. And I have to apologize. There are some F words in it. Okay. So, steal yourselves. But I was on the bus, and I was sitting near the back,

and there was a gentleman who was dressed in the garb of a gangster. Mm-hmm. Very baggy clothing, etc. This guy meant business. Absolutely. And he was on the phone with someone. On the bus. He was on the phone, talking very loud.

That's the way it goes. With many swears on the bus. And I will reenact a portion of the conversation. No, I got no more weed. I got no money. I got no fucking conversation. No, I got no more weed. I got no money. I got no fucking money, man. I got like two bucks. I got no fucking money.

No. I told you I got no fucking money. And then, so he's talking on the phone. He pulls out two $50 bills. Just starts playing with them. Folding them. Putting them in his lips. Holding them in his mouth. Ruming them, putting them, like, in his lips, like, holding them in his mouth,

rumpling them up. Meanwhile, he keeps talking. I got no fucking money. No, I can't. I got no fucking money. And then folds them up into his pocket, hangs up the phone. Or not into his pocket, into his sock. Hangs up the phone.

Those were just in his mouth. Nobody says anything. And then hes up the phone. Those were just in his mouth. Nobody says anything. And then he gets off the bus. And it was John Mayer. That guy's got a real flair for the dramatics. I think he's going to be the kingpin. I feel like he dropped the money a bit. It hit the ground and he picked it up.

He wasn't worried that people would take his $100. Yeah, of course not. This guy means business. He's on the phone with somebody who's buying pot. Dave. Or someone who's trying to get free pot, it sounded like. Yeah, it's like that. Does he know it's illegal?

Oh, that's a good question. Yeah. Maybe it wouldn't be talking so loud on the bus if he knew. Yeah, I don't think like. Yeah, it's like that. Does he know it's illegal? That's a good question. Maybe he wouldn't be talking so loud on the bus if he knew. Yeah, I don't think so. This guy seems like a troubled guy. Yeah. I should have reached out to him. You should have. Yeah, you should have gone to his parents' house. Maybe we could set him up with the girl with the ugly skirt.

Maybe he could buy her a skirt. That's my favorite Stieg Larsson novel. The girl with the ugly skirt. No. It's the fourth one in the trilogy. That's my favorite Stieg Larsson novel. The Girl with the Ugly Skirt. I'm really scared of that. It's the fourth one in the trilogy. Pretty great. It's a quadrilogy. My Overheard

is not Overheard at all. It's Overseen. What? And it comes from my favorite category of Overseens, Clever Graffiti. They're currently

a string of bus ads all over Vancouver, maybe all over north america for um potato chips uh don't remember the brand but the slogan is tell your taste buds to man up i've seen that i think it's ruffles okay i thought i was gonna guess a lays but it is a it's a manly it's a manly chip. So the tagline is, Tell your taste buds to man up, and somebody has written underneath in pen, and your heart to die.

Pretty great. Pretty good, yeah. That feels more like a public service than anything. That person was like, hey, chips. Tell your heart to die. Yeah. That sounds like a... And while you're telling your body to do chips. Tell your heart to die. Yeah. That sounds like a... And while you're telling your body to do things, tell your heart to die. Yeah. Tell your teeth

to chomp. Now, in addition to overheards that have happened to us, we also get people who have written in their overheards and sent them to us via email. If you want to do the same, you can send them in to stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.

I'll do that when I have one. And you know what? We'll invite you back to read it on air live. Oh! Yes. Now this is, this one's pretty, this one starts out pretty cute. Okay. This is from Maggie of No Fixed Address.

Oh, nope, sorry. Kingston, Ontario. My husband and I were downtown in Kingston, Ontario the other day when we saw a duck walking along the sidewalk. Great start. She, it was a female mallard, veered towards the curb and from all around people yelled in unison, no, don't go on the road!

She appeared to heed this warning and continued walking along the sidewalk past a crowded patio where a waiter asked, table for what? Oh, man. Kingsdale Terror is like a Disney movie. Yeah.

How can you tell if a duck's a woman? Well, it's the way she walks. It's the maxi skirt she's wearing. After a certain age, they develop in a different way. I'm sure they probably do develop in a different way. Yeah, I think because with mallards, there's like a kind of there's a color, different color. Yeah, I don't know. They're pink?

Yeah. And they carry the tiniest little purses. And they got little high heels on. Little brassieres. For their duck breasts. For their duck breasts. Their succulent duck breasts.

Now, this next one. This is what I would say if I was a police officer. This involves a police officer, and I can see somebody challenging me this way, and this being the exact way I would respond. It's from somebody named K, just K, letter K. Downtown Minneapolis, rush hour. There is a bus blocking the crosswalk at an intersection. There is a businessman-type person and a traffic cop.

The businessman says to the cop, quite huffily, what are you going to do about that bus, cop? What do you want me to do about it, businessman? Give it a ticket, cop. Give it? Businessman, give it a ticket, cop. Give it a ticket. You give it a ticket. Which is probably how I'd handle a lot of situations. That's nice.

That's some nice police work. And justice for all. I'm not sure I agree with your police work there. And finally, from John from Missoula, Montana. Missoula. Right? Wouldn't you like that? Is there a song?

There should be a song about Missoula. Yeah. I lost all my moolah in Missoula. Yeah. I learned to do the hula in Missoula. These are two possible songs. John Mayer, if you're listening, and I know you are. I probably turned it off by this way. Yeah what's with all the mayor hating john in missoula montana i was sitting

or sorry i was waiting to check out at a local grocery store at about 1 a.m the people in front of me had two carts full of beer and hot dog buns and what looked like camping supplies the woman was holding an open college ruled notebook with a long grocery list on it. The header read, Stuff to Bring Camping. Number one was beer. Number two was dad's ashes. Oh! Priorities!

Yeah. Although, I guess... And number three, burn dad. Yeah. With a narrow to put it in between one and two. Bucket for dad. Yeah, I wrote this list in a hurry. I'm assuming they're bringing their dad's ashes to dispose of or to set them free or whatever you say.

Not just on a camping trip. Or they're just going to bring their dad and push him in the fire. Oh, yeah. That's probably the easiest way to... What did you say? Release? I don't know what you do. What do you call it when you...

Toss. When you toss someone's ashes? Chuck. Chuck his ashes. Yeah, it's Chuck. It is Chuck, isn't it? Or Huck. Oh, we whip dad's ashes. Yeah, it's Chuck. It is Chuck, isn't it? I think it's Chuck. Or Huck. Oh, we whipped Dad's ashes at a bus. That's what he would have wanted.

Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to call in your overheards, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Liz in Pittsburgh with an overheard. I was just in the elevator at work with two women I didn't know, and one of them said to the other, oh, I'm so glad I got to meet your daughter.

She looks just like you, but she's beautiful. Seems like a real backhanded compliment or maybe just an insult. But thanks. Yeah. Or maybe just the truth. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, exactly.

Well, sometimes the truth hurts. That doesn't seem like it was a backhanded compliment. Seems like it was a fronthanded insult. I feel like it was an accident. Like, oh, I forgot to tell you you were ugly. Did we not both know that? Your husband must be very good looking. You seriously couldn't tell me you didn't know.

Yeah. I could not be the first person that's told you this. I wonder. I wonder. Like, it's sort of like that Shutter Island thing. Oh. Like, you have to investigate your own ugliness. I do, every day.

And stop it. Everybody, we're the greatest looking team in podcasting. But yeah, is it possible that you could look like someone else who's ugly but not be ugly? Oh, definitely. I think that happens all the time. Because I've said that to people where, oh, you know who you look like? You look like a good looking don knots that type of thing not that don knots wasn't good looking but but i did the average uh the average

fella today would probably not want to hear that but it would be a good look yeah where am i going no well nobody i feel like you're you're you're uh backpedaling from an imaginary i didn't want to offend this person who doesn't exist. No, no, no, no, no. But I know that I've been close to saying a compliment like that to somebody and then going, oh, that won't come out right. Do you know the actress who played Mama from the Train? You look like a way cuter version. Yeah, you look like the train.

You look like her after she was hucked from the train. You look like the train. You look like her after she was hucked from the train. You look like Danny DeVito. Well, I knew in high school, there was a brother-sister that were like a year apart. And the brother

looked like Piggy from Lord of the Flies. And his sister was gorgeous. But when they were standing next to each other, you could tell that they were brother and sister. It was like the elements looked the same, but they were configured better

on one face than the other. If that makes any sense. It was like all the looks were there, but it's like Rumor Willis. Not to gang up on Rumor Willis, but she has the elements of two very good looking people, but they're kind of like, it's like Mr. Potato Head. Like, they were put in the right circles.

There are people, there's like a few people who have famous fathers. Like, Wayne Gretzky's daughter is this beautiful girl and uh uh the girl on um girls brian williams daughter uh very good looking people but then you're like oh yeah i still can still i can still see a man's face i can still see your dad's face in your face i was just gonna say something like that turn off well you see you meet somebody and and maybe you're uh and you're dating them and you think they're well you see you meet somebody and and maybe you're uh and you're dating them and you think they're attractive and then you meet your family and they're not as attractive their family and so then you see the unattractive things about their family and it

starts morphing into their face and that's all you can see did i say too much i was over at the Knotts' house. I was dating Don Knotts. You know, and I was going, ha-cha-cha! And get over to meet his parents, and then I'm like, uh-oh. Uh-oh, they're so dead. Could their eyes bulge anymore? See, now, what did I do there?

I say I don't want to hurt people. I know he's dead, but still, I don't want to make fun of him. I like him. I did, very much. We all love Don Knotts. Yes. Absolutely. And also, R.I.P. Andy Griffith. Andy Griffith. His buddy. Great work, guys. Next overheard.

Hey Dave, hey Graham, hey possible guests, hey Grandpa. This is Nathan from Indianapolis, and this is an overheard or an overread. For work, I proofread advertisements and one ad had a list of services that included piano, violin, harmony, anal, theory. I sent it back and asked, is this really supposed to say anal? And the very well-worded response was as follows. Customer would prefer analysis.

If there is enough room. If not, anal will have to do. It will not have to do. No, yeah. Take out one of those instruments. Yeah. Yeah, that is not short form. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. No, I'm pretty sure form. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. No, I'm pretty sure people are comfortable with that. You know, instead of just doing maybe a picture of a violin, right? And a picture of a piano. I'm not sure. And then analysis. But yeah, shortened analysis to anal. That's the same thing, right?

They should just take a picture from Billy Crystal's movie, analyze this, and then people go, I get it, analysis. Do you think as a proofreader you're allowed to just suggest pictures you can put in? Here's a screen grab. I don't know. I've never proofread anything. But, you know, I would. Yeah? Yeah, absolutely. Here's where it's boring. If you know, I would. Yeah, absolutely.

Here's where it's boring. If you could put a picture. Yeah, spice it up with a middle anal. And finally... Oh, hi, you guys. This is Graham's mom calling from Calgary with an overheard. We were in the amazing city of Chicago last weekend

and while visiting the Art Institute I overheard a lady behind me sharing these thoughts she said we are now going to look at the paintings of Salvador Dali he was really not a nice man and he did some very bad things he was actually excommunicated however he did create some important work. When I turned around to see who was the recipient of her comments, I saw she was talking to a tiny baby that she was pushing in a stroller.

Wow. Babies understand excommunication, right? Absolutely! You gotta get them early. Get them to understand... By the way, hi, Mom. My mom went to Chicago. Apparently.

Ate some of that famous Italian deep dish hotcakes. Yeah. Oh, you simply must when you're there. Absolutely. Went in mini-room. Went in Chicago. Wow, that kid's got a fun home.

It's going to be a lot of touring up there, isn't it? Every bit of artistic appreciation is going to be prefaced by divorce history. Personal history first, then you get the... You know, son, Elmo is a very important Muppet. Is Elmo considered a Muppet?

Absolutely. I don't know if the Sesame Street ones are different from the Muppet. Is Elmo considered a Muppet? Absolutely. I don't know if the Sesame Street ones are different from the Muppet Show ones. They were all Muppets. I had a conversation with somebody last night. Didn't he start the Muppets? Yeah. No, he did. But I mean, on Sesame Street, didn't he?

Yes. Yeah. But like, say, Kermit went... He swung both ways. Yeah, Kermit definitely is on both. both ways. Yeah, Kermit would definitely... He was on Sesame Street and on The Muppet Show. Anyway, Elmo's a very important Muppet. He was excommunicated.

He wasn't a very nice person. Because he was a Muppet. Right. He just lay there at a lot of functions. Oh, man, if you brought a Muppet to a murder mystery night oh if the muppet ended up being the murdered one that that would be a disappointment i'd want my money back because i would want to see more of the muppet yeah just lying there it's like bringing a muppet to a knife fight but the

they bring a gun you bring a muuppet. And you make them laugh. It's the Chicago way. That's the Muppet way. So here we are. Here we are. At the end of the program. Face to face. We always, these are like, you know, we do plugs, right?

Is there anything in particular? If people want to find you online. No, I don't do that. Oh, that's it. No, you just vanish into the ether. No, I can't do any of that stuff. I have too much remorse. Like, I don't do that. Oh, that's it. No, you just vanish into the ether. No, I can't do any of that stuff. I have too much remorse. Like, I'll have remorse after this.

No, I can't put stuff out there. There's no time for remorse. No, I know. We've got to get things done. Okay, I'll plug. We've got to tell people's hearts to die. I'm going to Italy. Yeah, that's my plug.

Here's the thing. So look for Nancy in Italy. If you're in Italy and you see Nancy, go up to her and give her the old heave-ho. I don't know. I don't know if there's a thing that people do when they see you. Oh, they give her the old

donkey scooter scare. Donkey scooter scare. No! Say, what's the rumpus? Yeah, absolutely. Now, Dave, do you have anything you need to pull up, plug? Well, I encourage our listeners to vote for us in the Canadian Comedy Awards. We are nominated in the Best Podcast category.

Voting is open to the public. If you are a Canadian and have a Canadian postal code code you can go to canadiancomedy.ca uh it takes five seconds to register vote for us vote for nobody else yeah graham you've been nominated for a canadian comedy award before thrice thrice and how many have you won three i three times a lady um you won every time yeah i've lost all three i was nominated twice two years back to back best newcomer comic last year it was it was several years in but i was like ken isn't that a one-time only yeah nomination but apparently not so uh i feel your pain you've been nominated yeah how many how many uh total what's the total did you have you won

no i think but i think we're in the same boat four or five four or five yeah yeah so that's even sadder um you know it's all sad yeah it's not a sad it doesn't mean anything to me yeah like you know i mean who cares yeah right i don't even you know what don't vote for us nothing yeah we yeah exactly uh so yeah we don't care don't vote for us. Nothing. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, we don't care. Don't vote for us. Whatever. Yeah. But don't vote for anyone else.

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, if you're not going to vote for us, at least be decent and be cool. Be cool about it, man. Yeah, be cool. Graham, do you have anything to plug? I do. As mentioned on previous podcasts,

July 27th, I will be in London, England Yeah You're not the only one who can travel abroad Oh, I love London I was there last year Oh, I was, it was fabulous It was amazing Now, if someone was going to go to London

If someone was thinking about London, how would you convince them? How would I convince them? You simply must go There it is At the Comedy Cafe in London, how would you convince them? How would I convince them? You simply must go. At the Comedy Cafe in London, England. If you go to comedycafe.co.uk you can buy tickets.

Take a break from the Olympic hustle and bustle. I will be wearing a denim jumpsuit. That is a promise I promise, promise to keep. Now you have a denim jumpsuit That is a promise I promise Promise to keep Now you have the denim jumpsuit How many times have you tried it on?

Oh tried it on so many times Do you wear it around the house? Do you try it with different jackets? I wear it just by myself in my room It's for my eyes only Do you dress to the left or the right? You know what? Switch hitter.

Okay. Yeah, I can do whatever I like. So that. And then also in August, August, I want to say 16th, at the Blue Bridge Comedy Festival in Victoria, BC. The famous Blue Bridge in Victoria. You simply must not know what it is. Because nobody seems to know what the Blue Bridge is. But it's a bridge.

And you live there. I live there. I know what it is. I just don't know what it's called. It's the one that goes up and down. And it's blue. But I don't know where it goes to. Up and down.

Terabithia. Yeah. Anyways, Blue Bridge Comedy Festival, if you want to Google that. I'm there on Thursday, August 16th. Whatever week that is, that's when I'm there. The Thursday of that week. The Thursday of that week, I'm going to be there. Do you know which year?

Trick question. Yeah, two years ago. Shitter Island, was he there? And yeah, go to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap that accompanies each and every podcast. It has photos and videos of things that you may not have picked up on. Yeah, like if you don't know what Shutter Island is, I'll put a picture of that. Yeah. Something else. Yeah, exactly. Perhaps don't know what Shutter Island is, I'll put a picture of that. Yeah. Something else.

Yeah, exactly. Perhaps No Holds Barred. Sure. A clip from. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week. And then, sorry, Nancy, thank you for being our guest. Yes. Thank you for having me.

You're outstanding. Oh, please. You stop. Oh, you stop. I feel really bad because I had one of those little throat burps. And I think you might have to take that out. I feel really bad, too. I'm sorry.

Oh, but if you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting. Thank you.