Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 227 - Caitlin Howden

Episode Date: July 24, 2012

Improviser Caitlin Howden joins us to talk about love, Barcelona, exercise, and nudity.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 227 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, the Jack A episode. There, I got it out of my system. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who wished I didn't call this the Jack A episode, Mr. Dave Shumka. Amen.

That was my favorite show. Was that also, they were both on Saturday nights on NBC? I don't remember I just remember thinking Jack Hay Was one of the funniest people on television And I don't know why she's not back on television She was on Sister Sister wasn't she She was the mom Who's that you ask

Who's that voice With knowledge of the Maori twins Were they actually Maori That's their last name. I know. They were part of that tribe. Tia and Tamara Maori. And our guest today, Tia Maori.

Fuck you, Tamara. Our guest this week, a very funny lady, a member of the Sunday Service, which happens each and every Sunday at the Cosmic Zoo, and a recent transplant to Vancouver, and I'm just so happy to have her on the podcast. This is just great. Miss Caitlin Howden is our guest. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you. Thanks for coming.

Oh, thanks. Yeah. It was very easy. I took my bike. Yeah, absolutely. You brought us flowers. Yeah. Only two. Yeah. It was very easy. I took my bike. Yeah, absolutely. You brought us flowers. Yeah. Only two.

Yeah. One each. One each. But we, you know, we can't complain that you don't bring us flowers anymore. Yeah. Could you identify the flowers she brought us? Those were daisies. Daisies.

Yeah. Made famous by the Dukes of Hesard. The daisies. Yeah. They were cut off. She presented them to us in cut offazzard. The Jays. Yeah. They were cut off. She presented them to us in cut off shorts. I did, yeah. Yeah, bikinis on top.

Yeah, as a woman should. Yeah, exactly. A modern woman, right? Modern Dukes. Modern Dukes. That's just jean cutoffs that go down to the knee now. Oh, that's what, I was thinking Modern Dukes magazine, which are just you know, different ways to cut your shorts.

Oh, let's get to Noah's. Get to Noah's. Now, Caitlin. Hi. How are you? I'm great. You're the first ever female member of the Sunday service. Yeah, boy,

what waves I've made. Yeah, I'm the first lady of the Sunday Service. Yeah, boy, what waves I've made. Yeah, I'm the first lady of the service. Wow, that's not bad, that business card. Yeah, that's what I should put. Diamonds, rocket ships, lady of the service. Where do diamonds and rocket ships come from? I guess like the other two specialties I might have in the future. Oh, I see.

Are you studying diamonds and rockets? Yeah, like rhythm, hangouts, Sunday service. Like other specialties I might have in the future. Oh, I see. Are you studying diamonds and rockets? Yeah, like rhythm, hangouts, Sunday service. Like other specialties I have. Okay, now, when it comes to business cards, are you getting handed a lot of business cards that have people that are more than one thing? Oh, in this day and age? Assassin.

Goodness. Yeah, assassin. Bartender. Janitor. Rocket chips. You chips you gotta be able to multitask you know you gotta be good at a lot of things mine diamonds and rocket ships that's expensive uh-huh yeah yeah i'm going for like high-end high-end clientele what's this uh what's this card we're talking about is this like uh just uh is it made of diamond? Yeah, regular cardstock. Is this like a plastic? No, I mean, I'm very broke right now. This is just me writing it on a receipt for when I use debit for $1.98 for like two pepperoni sticks.

Yeah, because you don't have $20 in the bank to get a whole bill. No, no, no, no, no. And I'm also only buying pepperoni sticks. Yeah, and you're really sweating it out. Oh, it's too much salt for my body. And I know it, but I can't stop. Do you have a

prepared speech for when they go, ooh, the 198 didn't clear and then you, oh, I was just actually just going to get the one

pepperoni stick. Oh, this isn't my bank card. Well, that explains it. As though I've stolen someone's wallet. That's my out. I'm like, oh,

this must be my stolen one. It's not helping me out at all. Let me try that code one more time. Can you check your machine, please? Because I'm pretty sure it's not me. Did you just rip the cord out of the thing? Well, I guess we'll never know. Yeah.

So you're new to Vancouver. You just moved here, like, you were saying, 13 months ago? Yeah, a year ago. Or a baker's dozen ago. A baker's dozen or a mother's precious 13 months. Yeah, if I was a new mom. Your time here, you're walking, you're talking, you're doing all the things. I'm learning.

I'm still being wowed. Oh, really? Yeah. What's wowed you? Oh, the mountains. Oh, sure. How they just meet the ocean like that.. Oh, really? Yeah. What's wowed you? The mountains. Oh, sure. Just meet the ocean like that.

My Lord, that's beautiful. Yeah. Everyone here, real tight bodies. Real tight. That's true. That's one thing that Dave and I both pride ourselves on. Yeah, you guys, tight. Yeah.

Almost too tight. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. My doctor said to loosen it up. Yeah. I'm sitting here, just trying to like, you know, match your taut. Be as tight. Your taut bodies.

Taut. That's a fun word, eh? It is. Yeah. And one that I don't think ever has been applied. No. Yeah. Well, I mean, mockingly.

Sure. But. I can do a thousand press-ups. A thousand press-ups? Yeah. What's the a thousand press-ups. A thousand press-ups? Yeah. What's the difference between press-ups and push-ups? Oh, I thought you were talking about a bodum where you press it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I can do. I can do a thousand of those in a thousand days. Over the course of a thousand cups of coffee. Yeah, you should see this guy's forearms. Huge! Bigger than his waist. And what brought you up to Vancouver? Because you were living in Toronto?

Yeah, I was in Toronto for nine years. Conquered that thing. Yeah, you just... You became the mayor. I won. And then, no, I actually moved for love. I know, I know.

I moved because my boyfriend at the time, he was an Edmonton boy, but also touring with a band. Yep, that's right. An improviser is with a musician. We're doing real well, though. Thanks for asking. Diamonds and Rockets.

Oh, Diamonds and Rockets. And Pepperoni Sticks. Yeah, it's mostly pepperoni sticks. He and his band moved out to Vancouver. So I thought I was tired of doing a long distance relationship. And I moved to join him. He did not ask me. I think he was hinting at it when he said, I'm moving to Vancouver.

I'm moving one province further away from where you are. And I said, I'll be there in June. So, I sold all my tea lights, and I moved out here. Turns out, I had too many tea lights. Tea lights are the tiny candles? It's the little tiny candles you buy, like a pack of 100 of them.

What do you sell those for? You just give them away. You just ask friends to take them, or you leave them at friends' houses, and then text them and go, Open up your cupboards. And you've left too many tea lights. It's a burden. You buy them in a big bag of 100 from Ikea. Those are the ones, yeah.

And then you forget about them and they all melt together over the summer. It becomes one giant mega candle. Yeah. Oh, hey, that's not a bad idea. No, it's a really bad idea. Think about it. Now, is a tea light a thing that you can... What are the ones that you can float in water?

Is that a tea light? Sure, but not the Ikea ones. The Ikea ones are real... They're made out of Swedish lard. They're just... Yeah, they're made out of meatball gristle. Yeah, all the 50 cent hot dogs you get at Ikea, whatever drips off those, that's what they make into the tea lights. So when you light these tea lights, does it smell like hot dogs?

That would be nice. That would be nice. It would be nice, but it would be like, you would enter the room and be like, oh, I forgot I made hot dogs. Oh, wait, I didn't make hot dogs. Just those stupid tea lights. What do you mean you forgot you made hot dogs? When is that? You know, when you put

hot dogs in a steam cooker or whatever. And then you have a stroke. You have them ready at the end of your work day. Then you catch a memento. You leave them on the bar. That would have been a great scene in Memento when he enters the room and he's like,

Did I? Did I make hot dogs? Am I a hot dog? Let me check my chest. Yeah. And it says, you are not a hot dog. That's the first thing. I picture it more like a commercial, like a man coming home from work after a long day

and be like, hey, wait a minute. I put on hot dogs this morning. They've been boiling all day. Schneiders, making your days better. Slow cook hot dogs. Slow cook hot dogs this morning. We've been boiling all day. Schneiders, making your days better. Slow cook hot dogs. Slow cook hot dogs. They're so bloated, though. Oh, they're so fat.

Like, you put a hot dog in at eight in the morning, you go off to your job at the garbage dump. And then you come home and they're all super plump. Like a canoe size you go off to your job at the fart factory oh because only people who work at a fart factory eat hot dogs right guys no that's how they got the

job at the farm by eating hot dogs that have been cooked for eight hours it's also a market that we're trying to court here yeah yeah right johnsonville brought um so yeah moved out here for love now i'm in vancouver and engaged and i'm engaged right yeah we got engaged about a month ago so now i'm a woman how uh how did he propose that was something we didn't ask oh right we were well we were in Barcelona. Ooh, la la. You guys are doing okay. You're going to Barcelona.

Yeah, we were in Barcelona. I was in Paris teaching improv, and Chris was on tour throughout Europe. And then he was playing the Primavera Sound Festival in Barcelona. And we met up a few days earlier and hung out and got this hotel. And Chris had said, I'm going to take care of the hotel. And I went, okay, good, because I'm always doing the work. Like, great. I was kind of, oh, I was not a nice woman.

And so we got into Barcelona. I was like, great, where's this hotel? And he's like, oh, I didn't write down the address. And I got really mean right away. I was like, it's hot. I'm carrying around this luggage that I keep throwing out one item every week because I overpacked. So I'm lugging around a giant luggage. And I was like like it's hot i'm carrying around this luggage that i keep throwing out one item every week because i i overpacked yeah so i'm lugging around a giant luggage i was like it's hot here it's hot all of a sudden i was like i'm hungry and i have to fart and i hate this and i was not appealing like i smelt of body and we check into this beautiful hotel and i was like

oh my god it's gorgeous and it was beautiful and i was like this is such a lovely like treat and we got into the hotel and uh it was around 10 o'clock and i said like i'm hungry and i want to have a shower because i can smell my body put on some hot dogs i smell like boiled hot dogs put on some hot dogs we'll go out for a few hours and we didn't so we're like let's just go out for dinner he's like you want to go for dinner he's like yeah i want to go i want to shower i want to i want to use the bathroom and i was being really mean i was like and it's hot is there air conditioning in this room and chris was like okay let's go out but first and he did this like spin uh-huh like he did a

spin he did a spin he did like his back was to me and he did like a 180 spin chris is very agile i have to tell you guys he's really good gymnastics, but he doesn't like to brag. Is he really good at gymnastics? He's really good at gymnastics. He actually did gymnastics? No, it's just a natural talent he has. He can do a parallel bar? No, God no.

Because men's gymnastics and women's gymnastics are two different things. He can do a flip on a trampoline. That's fun. A h a flip on a trampoline. Whoa. That's fun. That's pretty good, right? A hush falls over the trampoline. Yeah. So he did this unexpected 180 spin and got down on one knee. There was a trampoline in the room.

Yeah. I mean, it was a nice room. It was a nice room. I just want to take a shower, though. No, I mean, Spanish standards, though. Beautiful room. And he spun around and got down on one knee and then asked me to marry him. Wow.

And I was in complete shock. I didn't expect it at all. And I was like, I still need to go to the bathroom. And I was like, I'm still hungry, though. And then he had to ask me to answer him. And he went, will you marry me? And I just froze. And I was staring.

I was like, I'm getting proposed to.ris is proposing to me it's happening now and then my poor my poor love is on his knee like oh my god can you please say something he's already down in the hotel bar you're still there i can't believe it's happening all of a sudden i want to sing a song or something flipping the fins you don't get too far not the song, but it's always what I have in my head. And then we got, we were engaged. That's beautiful. And then we milked it for the next three weeks while traveling and got a lot of free stuff. Oh, cool.

Oh, yeah. You tell people you just got engaged and they will give you free champagne. Batteries? You can do that with batteries? You know what? Buddy, I'm willing to go out here right now with you. We can try it. We can pretend we just got engaged.

Chris won't mind. We'll go to the source. Go to the source. Say we're thinking about registering here. Formerly Radio Shack. I'm looking for a DVH converter, and we just got engaged. Could you upgrade us to the gold-plated one? So you got free champagne.

What else did you get? Oh, we got a free fruit plate, got free champagne. What else did you get? Oh, we got a free fruit plate, got free strawberries, went to another restaurant, got another free bottle of champagne. A week later, told them we just got engaged, got a free upgrade in a hotel room. Last week, we were driving through Kelowna, got a nice upgrade on a different hotel room, told them we just got engaged. Wow. People love love, it seems. Yeah, and we're liars. Yeah, that's true i mean you can

be newly engaged for up to six years great great i can't wait i can't wait um what did you think of barcelona had you been before i hadn't it was my first time beautiful i've only been there once and the only things i really remember is beautiful beautiful, but tons of people in the street. Everywhere you went, someone in a neck brace. What? That's what's stupid? What do you mean? Yeah.

And the other thing, a lot of people making out everywhere. Oh, yeah. Or as we overheard another tourist say, everyone here is getting action. They're very sensual people, right? They're always like touching and grabbing at each other. And at the beaches, everyone's they, them, the others.

Every woman is topless. Wow. And I was like, and we would go to the beaches and I went topless one day. How was that? It was really cool. Had you ever done that anywhere else? I've gone skinny dipping a bunch of times. Graham, have you ever gone skinny dipping? So many times.

Have you? Yeah. Are you liberal with your body? No, I mean. Well, it's so taut. Yeah, exactly. I have a responsibility to society. No, I don't go to the beach ever, but I've had my skinny dipping phase.

It's come and gone. But, yeah. Come and gone? Yeah, come I've had my skinny dipping phase. It's come and gone. But, yeah. Come and gone? Yeah, come on. Nobody needs to see this. I've never done it. What? Really?

Turn this podcast off right now. We are going to go find a hose. Let's go, boys. I'm just going to spray you in some stranger's yard. So is skinny dipping, sorry sorry is that a regular thing that goes on in your life or this is just a thing that's come up on several occasions i'm a montreal girl so like we're pretty you know there's a pretty showy big french influence not a lot of shaving no yeah a lot of smoking smoking at a young age yeah yeah. A lot of smoking. Smoking at a young age. Yeah. Smoking at the beach.

Smoking in the water. Smoking in the water. Smoking while skinning him. Had to learn how to hold it above water. But then also how to smoke it even if it got wet. It's so good. As long as there's an ember at the end of it. You can suck it through that wet cigarette. Yeah, so topless beach.

But if everybody's toplesspless then it doesn't matter right exactly and then you're like oh the men have to wear shirts yeah i'm actually not not in favor of that the old switcheroo because there's a lot of i feel like uh most of the guys that walk around shirtless are the guys that you're like maybe you shouldn't be there. No, I think it's mostly, it's both. It's guys who absolutely should, who absolutely have something to show off, and guys who absolutely shouldn't. It's people in the middle who don't really take off their shirt.

That's true. Even the guys who have something to show off, when they take their shirt off, you feel like, oh, we get it, you work out. Go away. It's like if they've got gardening gloves on or something, like if they look like they're about to do work or just finished work, then I'm in favor of them.

If they're a serf, then it's fine. When we were there, there were these guys walking down the beach, and I think they took the idea of European freedom a little bit too liberally. And they were wearing these like... Just walking down the beach naked. They were! No, they weren't! They were! What? But weren't! They were!

What? But they were wearing cowboy hats. Okay, yeah, that's a lot. And they were just wearing these cowboy hats, but they were like the Jack Daniels cowboy hats that for sure you got free at a bar one night because you did a shot off of a woman's belly. Yeah, you did a $20 shot.

Yep. Fools. And they were walking down the beach butt naked. And I remember... Wait, butt or buck it changes its regionalism yeah it depends on if you're referring to a gentleman's name that's buck naked or his butt yeah okay well buck was butt naked and they were just like striding down the beach but even the locals were staring at them and laughing and that's when i was like

okay cool we can laugh at these guys but it was like that's why it's my fear of skinny dipping is being laughed at well you're not parading your skinny dipping down a public beach at four in the afternoon oh i just understood the fish are gonna laugh yeah The old nudge. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So, yeah, I've been to Autopolis Beach before, but again, I think it was one of those where it was like a half-half, and it was all elderly ladies that went to Autopolis. Good for them. Power to them, I say. It's a good study in boobs. Oh, it absolutely is.

It's a great study in boobs. Well, that's why I did my thesis on boobs. Oh, yeah. You start looking like, oh, I've never seen those ones before. Oh, look at that. Oh, they change when she lies down. Oh, those are phenomenal. As a woman, I can tell what good boobs I'm sure is also as a man.

Yeah, oh, yeah, we can't tell. No, we can't. I don't think we can. Can we? I don't know. I think we probably can tell. Real ugly boobs are like standouts, but like, you know, good boobs, you see them and you're like, well, that's noteworthy.

Well done, Mother Nature. Yeah, do make a note in the sand. Nice, nice rack. I hope she sees this. Then you draw a circle with a smaller circle in the middle. See? I had to actually focus. That's how little I know about boobs. Oh yeah, that's what a boob looks like.

Circle in circle. Gotcha. Checkmate. Real simple body part. Yeah, yeah. And yet... It baffles me Real mystery So, nude beaches and engagements

The Kevin Hatton story It's been a whirlwind a couple of months Yeah, and now I'm home in this real dump of a city, am I right? Yeah God, it's so pretty Everyone's shirts on Yeah, shirts on. No one in a neck brace.

Wait, why was everyone in a neck brace? I think probably from making out. Yeah, so much necking. Probably from turning their heads at the nude beach. Check out those guys in the Jack Daniels cowboy hat. Yowzers! I don't know why,

but it was like, every every day people in neck braces. Like maybe it's a country where there's a lot of insurance fraud. Were you there just after the running of the bulls? I don't remember, but that's not in the same place. Well, it's in Spain, right? But you don't know. Maybe these are guys that have just come back. I don't think any Spanish people do the running

of the bulls. I think that's for tourists. There's also a running of the bulls in France. What? Oh, well, everybody's doing it now. Now it's not even special anymore. Why don't we do it here then? Yeah, we should. Yeah, we should. You guys should bring that back. Oh, was it here

already? They took it from us. So you're part of the Sunday service, and you're at the Cosmic Zoo, which now actually has a sign out front that says Cosmic Zoo. Yeah, or as much as we've made fun of it. I don't know if you said it properly. Did you say it with two Ks? We said Cosmic.

Cosmic with a K backwards on the last one? Yes, we did. Cosmic Zoo. Cosmic Zoo? Oh, I K backwards on the last one? Yes. Cosmic Zoo. Cosmic Zoo? Oh, I'd love it there. I'd love it. I mean, honestly, the fact that I get to go play with these guys every Sunday night and the fact that they've like...

The Sunday service wants me to be a regular member, not just like come every once in a while, which would be a gift enough, but they want me to see them weekly. I'm the luckiest girl in the world alright I was kicked out of the Sunday School oh no you never were you were never allowed in you were kicked out what'd you do I refused to improvise

kept showing off his scripts alright guys I have a copy of Dawson's Creek pilot episode why don't we reenact that tonight? Oh, you know what? If that was a thing, I would go to that. A reenacting of pilot episodes of 90s television shows. Ooh, I'll do it.

I'm looking to produce something new in this city. Yeah, because the pilot episodes, in quite a few of them, I mean, I guess the casting would, you wouldn't get the cast anyway. Well, I think James Van Der Beek though is not doing well. I think he would come. He said, I don't trust to be in Apartment 23. I think James Van Der Beek, though, is not doing well. I think he would come. He's saying they don't trust the B in Apartment 23.

He plays James Van Der Beek. He literally does. Does he really? Yeah. Oh, that's great. He's got a name that you have to embrace the mocking of. Who's doing the worst? Who's doing the best?

Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes. Katie Holmes? Both. Both categories. Best and worst. I don't know. I don't envy that. She has the most money. She's been married Holmes. Both. Both categories. Best and worst. I don't know. I don't envy that.

She has the most money. She's been married to the most Tom Cruises. She's been in the most Batman movies of all of them. I think James Van Der Beek was Batman. A couple movies. No, that was just for Halloween. That was Halloween last year. But guys, also though, Michelle Williams.

She just played Marilyn Monroe. Good call. Busy Phillips from Cougarton. Cougarton. She wrote the story, but not the script, of Blades of Glory. Busy Phillips did. I mean, she was on Freaks and Geeks. Sure.

I think Jack, the guy who was the gay guy on the show. He was gay. He hasn't done anything. What about the guy who's Pacey? He's done a lot of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Fringe. Oh, what's his name?

He's on Fringe. Oh, what's his name? Joshua Jackson. Joshua Jackson. Local boy. Makes good. He was, I gather that he was one of the people considered for the role of Bruce Wayne slash Batman in the Batman, the first Christopher Nolan movie. Oh, really?

So it would have been him opposite, it would have been Pacey and Joey? Finally. Oh, finally. What a dream. That would have been fantastic. We could have got all the, we could have had the Joker could have been played by Van Der Beek. And who else was in that show? The music by whoever sang the theme song.

Oh, yeah. I don't want to wait. Paula Cole. Yeah. Peter Gabriel backup singer Paula Cole. What? Really? Really?

Yeah. Wow. I think when I saw Peter Gabriel live, I think she was a backup singer. She did all the female parts on the Kate Bush songs. Wow. Anyway, just some Paula Cole trivia. Wow, you know a lot about Paula Cole. Yep.

Well, I know a lot about everyone in the Gabrielverse. Paula Cole has recently gotten into more of a bluesy jazz kind of music. Oh, give her one reason to stay here. Who's doing better? Paula Cole, I Don't Wanna Wait fame, or Meredith Brooks bitch fame? Oh, I thought you were going to ask about the girl...

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover. Or the lady who sang the theme song for Ally McBeal. Oh, Vonda Shepard. Wait, how do you know this? You don't forget a name like Vonda. Where does this sit in your brain? The fact that you just went through this whole rep of early to mid-90s sitcom singers.

I know for David, it sits at the forefront. I could not tell you how the Ally McBeal theme went, though. Ooka-chukka, ooka-jocka, ooka-jocka. Dancing baby. Dancing baby, skinny woman, dancing baby law firm. Ta-da! Technically, this is a comedy. According to the Golden Globe, the Hollywood Foreign Press, this is a comedy.

Yeah, so was, what's it called? Desperate Housewives was a comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nurse Jackie's very funny. Yeah, Game of Thrones. One best comedy ensemble last year. Yeah. What a hoot.

What a hoot, right? Dave, what's going on with you? I've been keeping my body taut. And I'm not joking The last few months I've taken up running And I've always sort of run A little bit But then I bought these shoes That were

They're like the kind You were doing it in loafers before They're the kind where you They're like very thin And so it's like you're basically barefoot They're not the kind that have the little toesies. Oh, thank God. But I do wear toe socks underneath.

I hate those. And I've just been getting into it more and just running four or five times a week. Wow. At like 6.30 in the morning before it gets stiflingly hot outside. at like 6.30 in the morning before it gets stiflingly hot outside. And the biggest challenge has been to not buy a bunch of stuff. Like I'm always tempted whenever I do anything, like, oh, I better go out and get some new shorts and get some new dry fit shirts. So I've been avoiding that.

shirts. So I've been avoiding that. But the two things I've noticed are that these shoes must be completely silent because when I'm running, I come up behind people and I'm like, oh, they can hear me, right? These people can hear me. And then at the very last second, they always turn around and they're like, oh my god. Maybe you're silent. It has nothing to do with the shoes. Maybe you're a very light runner. Maybe I am. Maybe I...

But I feel like I'm breathing so loud. Like I'm not... I don't experience the runner's high or anything. It's miserable the whole time. That's good. I'm glad to hear that. Oh no, I don't like it at all. Good. I'm glad that your shoes are making you faster.

They're making me just more, not even faster, just more able to... Do you run with a knife for self-defense? Is that why people are startled when they see you coming in? Well, I wear one of those bandit masks. And I run carrying two bags with dollar signs on them. And I've got this dry fit shirt that is black and white striped. Yeah, it's Runner's World, the burglar routine. And the other thing I've noticed is that there's one house in my neighborhood where there's a guy my age out on the patio before seven in the morning smoking a cigar.

Wow. A cigar? A cigar. Well, it smells cigar-y. That's a way to start a day or finish a night. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. It must be.

He must be a swinger who has cool parties and has crazy cool sex all night and then ends it every morning with a cigar. And no one else is invited. No. He's that cool. Yeah, he's that good.

Do you think I could get him to invite me in? He's probably thinking the same thing about you. Like, how do I get on a run with that guy? How do I get that guy to let me run with him? He's so quiet. He's so good. He's so smooth. I bet he's a guy too that could like run really really

well like even though he smokes a cigar every day he's like an awesome runner he's like one of those like english rugby right right guys that can smoke and drink all the time and he's like still the best athlete that's how i picture bill murray running like i picture that bill murray would run with a cigar yeah and like never break a sweat. Yeah, just whip the pants off of everybody. Yeah, and then look back and sigh. Yeah, before he throws a water balloon at your face. Oh, cool. You're like, he's been carrying that the whole time.

We didn't even notice it. Oh, man. That'd be great. That's impressive that you're running. It's miserable. Yeah, 6 a.m. No, 6.30. Oh, come on. Let's impressive that you're running. It's miserable. Yeah. 6 a.m. No, 6.30. Oh, come on.

Let's not split hairs at that time of day. Closer. I wake up at 6.30. Then I stretch. Oh, yeah. You gotta. Wow. But in the last few days, I cross Kingsway when I run, and that's the only traffic light

I have to cross. run and that's the only that's like the only um traffic light i have to cross and uh if i'm early enough there's no traffic but uh uh there's been traffic the last couple of days and it has just stunk there and you have to stand there in the garbage smell oh yeah it's a high time of day for garbage uh early in the morning right it's when all the garbage trucks are heading out to do their routine and there's a lot of like of Asian restaurants that have dumpsters behind them. Does it matter that they're Asian? Well, it does now, because now you're racist. Oh, yeah.

Because the dumpster behind the church's chicken where I live smells god-awful, too. No, but I understand. Like, a J.J. Bean garbage isn't going to smell as bad. It's going to be like, oh, for roasters. Yeah. Mmm. Garbage roast. Mmm. A garbage roast. A garbage roast.

A raw fish garbage. Absolutely. It smells worse than... What are you running? What's your running attire? Okay. I wear these shoes. Not these ones.

Yeah, these super amazing running shoes. They're not super amazing. They're just great. Yeah. And a pair of shorts. Any shorts? Jorts? Well, athletic shorts.

Okay. And what makes an athletic short? They're made by Nike. Okay. They say Nike on the side. Yeah. I have two pairs. One has a zipper on it.

That's not made by Nike. The zipper's made by YKK. Yeah, okay. Love their work. Love their work. Why is there a zipper? What is it zipped to or from? It's just on the pocket.

Oh, a pocket. So I put my house key in there. Yeah. But in the other shorts. You should also carry a check that has your signature but not an amount in case you need to buy something. Yeah, some ID, too. Yeah. carry a check that has your signature but not an amount in case you need to buy something. Yeah, some ID, too. And the other shorts, they don't have a zipper on the pocket, so I have to have my key attached with a safety pin.

You know another way you can do it, just that you can tie the key into your laces on your shoe, and that way you don't have to carry it. What's the point of having the shoes that weigh less than a gram if you're weighing them down? I think, you know... Wait, what kind of giant... Do you have medieval

keys? How do people not hear you coming? You're like... With a bobby pin. I've got this one of those keychains that you have for, like, boat keys, so it floats.

It's huge and yellow. Why don't you just hide a key under the mat here at 133 Maple Road? What? No, don't do that! Oh. Um, because I'm always afraid that someone's gonna see me put it under the map. Mat.

Anyway, but we've only got as far as my shorts. Oh, I assumed that was it. I assumed that was the end of the story. I thought this was a Spanish outfit. Old prudish Dave over here now. Cover it up. And then I will wear a shirt. A teed shirt. Excuse me? Like a t-shirt.

Oh, a t-shirt. Oh, I thought you meant like you soak it in tea to make it look old. Right? Like a map. I have a very... You know what I'm talking about? It's giving me my wedding decor

so everyone's going to have teed shirts. So it looks like you all just like drowned on a pirate ship or something? It's my day. It's my day. Yeah.

Everybody puts seaweed in your hair. How do you make that? You dip them in tea? In tea. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's my day. Everybody puts seaweed in your hair. How do you make that? You dip them in tea? In tea. Yeah. To age things. And then you put it in the oven.

Yeah, in the oven. Yeah. That's what we did. Or, like, maybe with vinegar, I think. To make it, you know, smell bad. It's a regional thing. I feel like you should buy some of these, like, dry wick shirts for your running. Like, if you're taking it this seriously.

Oh, the shirts that I wear. Like, I wear the shirt from my old university, and I wear it inside out because I'm a little bit, like, a little bit embarrassed. And I also don't want to end up, like, in a conversation with someone from my class. He doesn't want to run into a Yale man. Yeah. And get shot. Yeah yeah no pretentious runner um uh but uh yeah uh no the t-shirts are fine i think although they end up soaked they are gross i'm a gross like and one of the reasons i i'm i'm running is especially in the

summer i'm like in my head i'm like oh if I get a good sweat early in the morning, maybe I won't sweat throughout the day. How's that working out for you? Not at all. It just means I start sweating early. It just means that the coal fire is burning. Yeah, I get into the shower and I dry myself

off from the shower and then I'm wet still. Wait. You look like such a smart man. Like, this is your logic. Like, I know. I'll get the sweat out of my system now. And then my body won't have anything left. Your body can only sweat so much a day.

Yeah. And then I won't have a wet upper thigh. Perfect. Because that's where I sweat. In case anyone's listening at home, my sweating parts are my upper thigh, lower back. Yeah. Lower back's popular.

Yeah. If you look real close, upper lip. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a big forehead, entire back,

entire front, and neck and legs and genitals. What's hot in there. It gets hot in that nook. Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah. And your private boy yeah and your private also extremities and fingers i think knuckles and not palms though not palms oh you should shake a lot of hands i do i do that's good that's how i got the this promotion make eye contact um so yeah that's

me running uh best shape of my life a thousand press-ups in a thousand days. Absolutely. Dave, you look fantastic. Yeah, thanks. You, Graham, how are things with you? Whatever the opposite of what you're doing, I'm doing that. Body by laziness. It's on display.

You used to run, didn't you? I did. I ran for like two years. I ran like every day. And then I just didn't. You got it out of your system. Yeah, exactly. You're only supposed to do so much running in a lifetime. Two years. So some people spread that out. They go

once a week over many, many years. Yeah, I did every day, two years and out. And you're done. You're retired. Yeah. Yeah, I did every day, two years. And out. And you're done. You're retired. Yeah. But, yeah, I ran. I trained. I went in the sun run.

I finished that. You did that? Yeah. Amazing. And then I was like, hey, I don't got anything to prove to anybody. It's not that amazing. Until you've done it, Dave. It seems hard.

I mean, it's... You come back to me when you've done it, Dave. It seems hard. I mean, it's... You come back to me when you've done it, and we'll compare notes about how amazing it is. I did it when I was ten! Oh. Wow. Okay. Well, I think back then...

This got really awkward. Did you really do it when you were ten? Yeah. Did you run it? I ran most of it. Oh, okay. It's all in the details now. Now the truth comes out.

Well, I was still 10. You're a volunteer. You're giving water. Yeah. Yeah, when you say you ran it, you mean you were running it, like the operation. I got you.

He was doing PR and marketing at 10 for the Sun Run. I mean, which is still impressive. I mean, that's cool. Yeah. I was in charge of their Twitter. Told them to get on board. They did not listen to you. Yeah. I was in charge of their Twitter. Told them to get on board. They did not listen to you.

Yeah. You were before your time. Yeah. Get on board with Twitter. That's 10-year-old me. Idiot 10-year-olds. I have speech impediments. I suffer from cute speech.

Yeah, it would be very hard to be a CEO if you had that speech impediment. I'm glad you don't run anymore. Oh, thanks. I think that's good. Thanks. I think that's really great. Yeah. My doctor and family say, maybe you should start exercising again.

Because you're looking like a fatso. Which they're not wrong.'s not true i'm sitting right next to you right now very distinguished stop it uh the summertime has been punishing i've been sweating a lot and i just read today that uh i'm going to i'm going to england uh you've just found that out you read it i just out. I can't believe it was front page of the paper. Amazing. Local man going to England. Local man going to England. Dot, dot, dot. Huge mistake.

I'm performing there on the 27th, but the headline on the province today was that their transportation system has basically collapsed under the weight of the Olympics. The Olympics, right. Yeah, so to get just a train that goes between three stations or whatever is a half hour wait, and they've got more military there than was in Afghanistan, and I'm very glad to be doing the show there, but I... Do you think they're going to find Bin Laden? Well, I hope so.

If he... He was given tickets to all the premier events. Sure. At Javelin. At Shotgun. At Bad given tickets to all the premier events. Sure. At Javelin. At Shotgun. At Badminton. Judo. Is there a judo event at the Olympics?

There is judo, yeah. Really? It's the one with the throws. It's the one with the most throws. It's the grapple martial art. They could just transition that to the Winter Olympics and just give them coats. Yeah, put them indoors. What? Put them indoors, yes. Easy solution.

They are indoors. Why bother making it a Summer Olympics? Why not put it on skates? Move it up that one extra level. Judo on skates. And then the skate could be a weapon. Yeah, absolutely. It's the grappling and jugular cut. Yeah, decapitating.

Now, your fiancé, is he competing in the gymnastics this year? No, he did not qualify. Oh, okay. Just trampoline. Because I would not let him get on a trampoline. No, he did not qualify, but yet at home. Remains agile. Keeps stretching.

We're hoping for the next two years from now. We missed out. But why are you going to London during the Olympics? Because of the Olympics? No. Quite the opposite. I was invited to be part of a festival that then is now not happening. So I'm just doing a one-night show at a place called the Comedy Cafe.

I will be there as this is released. I will be in London, sweating every part of my body to the maximum. Well, London's not going to be warmer than here. It's supposed to rain. Oh, I cannot wait just to walk around in the rain like an idiot.

I'm staying in a hostel with 18 beds per room, so an orphanage. I'm staying in an orphanage. And yeah, it's going to be hot. So that was, I didn't realize until I read the newspaper today that they're having big structural problems leading up to the Olympics.

On the tube. Yeah. Do that accent again. The tube? Yeah. That's a strong U. I cannot emphasize this enough. Mind the gap while you're there.

I'm not sure what that means. You might get sucked into the gap. Okay. But if I get sucked into the gap, you'll want me to pick up any khakis for you while I'm there. Oh, can you get the... Oh, boot cut. Classic boot cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, get me a classic boot cut. get the... Oh, bootcut. Classic bootcut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, get me a classic bootcut. Get the light blue Madonna, Missy Elliott corduroys for me. Yes, absolutely. All of us in jeans. That was it, right? Yeah. All of us in jeans. All of us in jeans.

Wasn't everyone in jeans? I don't know. I worked there, too. My very first job was working at the Gap. Oh, wow. You should see how I fold. Yeah, did you use one of those boards? Didn't need to by the end. Could do it by eye.

Yeah, but you need to at the beginning. Yeah, sure. Everyone needs it at the beginning. And even some need it at the end. But not me. Not Caitlin Glenn Howden. I could fold by eye. You learned.

I outgrew the gap Also, they do not make pants bigger than a size 12 I went through a bit of a fat stage Could not fit into their pants Oh, and then you had to get fired Quick, I had to get fired, also known as I just stopped coming into work Really? Well, you're not allowed to not wear gap clothes while you're there

And if they don't make your size Right, and I was like, I was. So you were pantsless. For the listeners at home who want to know what my body looks like, I'm about a size 10 right now. Okay. So you guys all know. I don't know what that means. An 8'10".

And the Gap makes up to a 14. And I was pushing 14, 16 at one point, back in like 99, 2000 to maybe 2004. Yeah, but that was a different time. There was a lot of, there was, popcorn chicken was very big. Yeah, it was your freshman 15 for four years. Yeah, I graduated high school in 2000 though, so.

It turns out I ate a lot of Colonel's popcorn. Oh, yeah. I love the salt and vinegar. Absolutely. Mall popcorn. Oh, I love it. Mall pops. Had to quit the job. Got too fat. Really?

Well, that's as good a reason to quit a job as I've ever heard. I think if you get, was the gap in the mall? Yeah. I think if you get a job in a mall, you're probably going to put on weight. I got fired from Fat Farm for not being fat enough. What do you guys think about that? Get bigger. Thinner. It's because you think about that? Yet bigger. Thinner.

It's because you got that gypsy's curse. So that, I read that newspaper day. That was bothersome. And here's the thing. This was crazy. On the weekend, I was doing comedy shows. And I was hosting the shows, was talking to the audience on every show.

And there was a lady in the audience I always ask are there any vegetarians in the audience where my veggies at and she spoke up and I asked her she said I'm sort of a vegetarian and I was like does that mean you eat meat

because that means you're not and she says no I don't eat meat. But every six months I get like a real crazy like meat craving. And so I just assumed that she was going to say like, so I eat a steak or whatever. But she said, so I drink a can of beef broth. What? Ew.

Ew. Ew. A can of beef broth? Yeah. I was like, what kind of solution is that? Did she cook it? Did she warm it up? I don't, I didn't get into it.

Or maybe she just cracks it open. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Like apple juice, like one triangle on one side and then the other triangle on the other. Yeah. You know those openers? Yeah, yeah. Hey, so open up apple juice. Ew, imagine her burps for like a week.

Ooh. Beef broth. I mean, of all the possible solutions to quell your meat craving, beef broth certainly would be far down the list. I could see chicken. She told this to a crowd? Yeah, she was very brave. Or drunk. Or an idiot.

And drunk on beef broth. She was having beef teenies all night. Wasted on sodium. Isn't Bloody Mary, doesn't that have beef beef broth in it no there's some no like weird gross highballs that have been i'm sure that if you go to like one of these you know one of these dumb places in like you know like gaston has these things where it's like it's just it's called like the meat bar or something and

it's just like bacons and everything so there's probably got a martini that's got, like, a dumb strip of bacon in it. Yeah, I've had a Caesar. I've had a Caesar with Clamato and bacon in it. That is clam juice. That's gross. That's a meat. Yeah, and it doesn't have, like, Worcestershire sauce in it? Worcestershire sauce.

Yeah, it's got anchovies. Anchovies, yeah. It has anchovies in it? You can if you want. Yeah, Worcestershire sauce. Yeah, it's got anchovies. It has anchovies in it? You can if you want. Worcestershire sauce. Oh, yeah. Worcestershire sauce. Do you know that most beer has fish bladders in the filtering process? I thought you said just Guinness had that.

Guinness definitely does, but a lot of beers do. Really? Wait, like they use the fish bladder to... In the filtering process, the fish bladder, they take a bunch of fish bladders and then they put them in a blender. And then they put that in the beer, I guess. This isn't that right. It sucks. It absorbs something from the beer and then they move on. No, well, they don't scoop up the fish bladder. They pour from the beer, and then they move on.

No, well, they don't scoop up the fish platter. They pour out the beer. And then the fish platters rise to the top. And then you know they're a witch. Oh, guys, this is a delight. Should we move on to overheards? Well, why don't we first take a time out for a little bit of business? I'm sorry.

Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business.

That music, of course, means it is time for some business. That music, of course, means it is time for some business. This week, this episode is brought to you by Comedy Bang Bang every Friday at 10 o'clock on IFC. Now, this week, Elizabeth Banks is going to be on the show. That's big time show business, Elizabeth Banks. Yeah, from The Hunger Games. That's right. She had a crazy wig.

Yeah, yeah. She was the one in the movie with the crazy wig. Yeah, crazy wig and the angry inch, believe that's her character's name uh reggie and scott go on a mind vacation uh smooth jazz legend barry r performs uh the show includes special guests john daly tom lennon ian roberts paulie shore dave thomas founder of wendy's and David Wayne. That is some kind of lineup. So that's IFC, comedy so nice, they banged it twice. And vote. We have a personal, or I guess a corporate message. A jumbotron.

A jumbotron message from Am I Right? They are a radio show. You've been on it. I've been on it a couple times many times Evan Wilson is a guy that I'm in regular contact with I enjoy their show very much and we've been telling you to vote for us

in the Canadian Comedy Awards for best podcast but Am I Right would like you to vote for them for best radio program best radio clip I believe that's right it's a category it is a Calgary based show Graham's been on it for best radio program. Best radio clip, I believe, is the category.

It is a Calgary-based show. Graham's been on it. Tons of great comedians have been on it. CJSW, the university station. So head over to CanadianComedy.ca, where you have obviously already voted for us, and vote for Am I Right? Absolutely.

All right, let's move on to some Overheard. Dunzo. Overheard. Now, Overheards are things that you might encounter in your daily life. You're walking around like an idiot, listening to whatever jerk sounds

are out there. It's up to you to process the gold and send it our way. We like to start with the gifts. Now before we do that, it's time for my favorite segment on the show. A segment called Celebrity Beef Days. Celebrity

Beef Days is a offshoot spin-off of the classic segment, Celebrity Birthdays, where we tell you the birthdays of the celebrities for today, the day this episode is released,

the 24th of July. And we also say both the last time these celebrities ate red meat, and which celebrities they have a beef with. Oh, really? Oh, wow. That's a mouthful.

This week's topic of Beef Days was suggested by Debbie from Delaware. Thank you, Debbie. Debra. Debra. Oh, yeah, not Debbie. Because Debbie did You know what? It might be Debbie. Don't get too familiar with these people. Here we go.

Notorious D.E-B. So a big happy Celebrity Beef Day this July 24th. Dave, shut up. I nearly forgot that I was supposed to tell you to shut up. You're not supposed to do anything, Graham. This is not Corey or Graham. No, you're right. This is a free form.

Everything goes. Everybody loves Raymond. Not everybody. Not his wife. Yeah, she's a real pill a deb and her name was deb oh i've never seen it oh well you're missing out on a lot of faces and a lot you know what and also a lot of there's some good uh senior citizen comedy yeah on it i'm glad to see that they're still working yeah Yeah. Well, they're dead. One's dead. One of them is dead. Sorry, guys.

I've interrupted Dave to bring you the latest in Hulk Hogan news. Hulk Hogan news. It's Hulk Hogan news. Now, here's the thing. We're jamming a lot of episodes all together. We're recording because we're going to be not here. But the gods have smiled on us Hulk Hogan news-wise. They must be crazy. What's happening? The well is seemingly always full.

This week, this has to do with the National Football League. Ooh, the AFL. The AFL. What was the name of that? Oh, XFL. XFL, yes. A Washington Redskins

Football player Racist Can't believe that's still the name of a team What if there was an expansion team In 2012 And they suggested How about Redskins How about Indians

How about Seminoles Everything is so racist Anyways this guy Adam Carriker, he's a football player. He also hosts a radio show that's called Fourth and Pain, along with somebody named Chuck Carroll, where they discuss pro wrestling and football. It's a real grunt fest. Yeah. There's probably

a lot of finished off cans of energy drink lying all over the place. They've crushed on their foreheads. According to Carriker, he got to meet Hulk Hogan at the New World Order on World Championship Wrestling.

Story stands up. Hulk Hogan asked Carriker how old he was, and he told him that he was 28. But he's not interested in becoming a wrestler because Hulk was saying that he really could be a fantastic wrestler. But the guy said, don't get any ideas. I just signed a four-year contract with the most racist team in the league. Yeah. So, yeah. So Hulk is going outside of the wrestling sphere, scouting talent, which means any tough guys out there,

your chance could be you. Just make sure you're at the malt shop drinking sodas and saying your prayers and Hulk Hogan could walk in and discover you. That's what he always says. Say your prayers and drink your sodas. Well, you weren't wrong. There is plenty of Hulk Hogan

news. Yeah, absolutely. Wow. I feel like I've learned so much about his life so he asked a guy a question uh-huh he's scouting for wrestling i feel like do you really want to read into that yeah i do okay great i love it i love it you don't want but didn't you say it was like nwa or what what did you say oh the he uh he oh yeah nwo so how long ago was that uh well that was a long time ago but now he said this this uh backstage interview was recent oh okay so but i think they were just referring to hulk's previous nwa is the most racist team in football uh but well uh it is time now to officially move on to Celebrity Beef Days. All right. This is for July 24th.

Happy big 14th Celebrity Beef Day to crocodile hunter daughter Bindi Irwin. Oh, I feel so bad for her. I don't know.'s not gonna turn out well why not no she's got all the money in the world that she needs all the access to crocodiles that a young girl could desire

yeah what if she turns out evil and she like has a lair with crocodiles and summons all the crocodiles in the world because she develops some sort of weird language

next thing you know yeah what's that language Bindi gone crazy in the world because she developed some sort of weird language. Next thing you know... Yeah. Bindi gone crazy. So, last time she ate red meat? I'm guessing today. While feeding some to crocodiles. Yeah, one for you, one for me. And the

celebrity she has a beef with is one of those people on that reality show, Swamp People. She doesn't like the way they treat gators. Are those the guys who make moonshine in their backyard and are always hiding it from the cops and making crappy shanties? Yeah, I mean, every show is that now.

That's basically Criss Angel Mindful. Oh, where did he go? He disappeared. He disappeared. Oh, we have fun. Happy Celebrity Beef Day to actress, singer, TV judge, retired TV judge Jennifer Lopez is 43 today. Get out. Yeah. Girl looks good. Get out. Yeah.

Girl looks good. She does look good. I would say that she's eating red meat. Like, she probably eats it, but it's probably a weird red meat. Oh, yeah. Like a human meat or something like that. I think we're specifically talking beef today. Oh, okay.

She must indulge in some coffee-rubbed Kobe. Yeah. Yeah, well, she's into the young meat these days, if you know what I mean. See you, Mark Antony. Yeah, she's on to a new fun dancer named Casper. She's dating this dancer. She used to date a dancer named Chris Judd. Yeah.

She dated a great rap dancer named P. Diddy Combs. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's true. And she also dated a young Ben Affleck. Oh, she did? She did. Remember Gigli? Mm-hmm. Didn't they get married? No, that's true. And she also dated a young Ben Affleck. Oh, she did? She did. Remember Gigli? Mm-hmm.

Didn't they get married? No, they were engaged. But then he got with a... Right here in Vancouver. Yeah, a local gal from Vancouver who happened to be a stripper showed him the night of his life. Ooh, J-Lo did not like that. No, but Jennifer Garner really settled Ben down. It's true.

Yeah. But J-Lo, though, she is still Jenny from the block. Was Jennifer Garner. Oh, is that right? Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. Oh, wow. Yeah. Dream come true.

She's everyone's favorite stripper. Yeah. She's so cute. It was one of her A-L-E-I. Oh. And J-Lo's Celebrity Beef? Oh, pick one. Steven Tyler.

Yeah, Jennifer Garner. Absolutely. Apparently she's not going to do American Idol again or whatever the show is that she's on now because she hates Steven Tyler. But Steven Tyler's not doing it again either. Exactly. He's going back on the road with

ZZ Top. That's a terrifying face, isn't it? Steven Tyler's face? Happy celebrity beef day to baseball disgrace Barry Bonds is 48 today. Why is he a disgrace?

What did he do? He ate too many steroids. Oh no, he got he do? He ate too many steroids. Oh, no. He got too full? He got too full. Oh, no. I don't want to feel bad for him. He couldn't play baseball anymore. Yeah.

I'm going to sit this one out, guys. Probably ate beef recently. Yeah, probably. Probably. He demanded at the restaurant, this better have steroids in it. This better be a steroid race. If you're high on steroids,

you probably chased down a cow. Yeah. Chewed out its jugular and then ate the side of it raw. Yeah, that's true. And his celebrity beef? Steven Tyler. Steven Tyler. Weird mush face, Steven Tyler. And, oh, a couple more.

Happy Celebrity Beef Day to Wonder Woman star Linda Carter. Is that who that is? Yeah. She is 61. She was also president of the United States. One-term president, Linda Carter, is 61 today. Oh, wow. Didn't have beef recently, I don't think.

Kim Campbell. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was a Canadian Prime Minister for four months. I learned that last night via a Trivial Pursuit card. Four months. I thought it was

ten, but the answer was four. I think probably Linda Carter's Celebrity Beef is with Lou Ferrigno. I was literally just trying to think of another superhero actor. You nailed it. And finally, the answer to this week's Celebrity Beef Day trivia question.

This racist actor-comedian played Stanley Spadowski in UHF. Oh, Michael Richards. Michael Richards is 63 today. Really? Yeah. Huh. Michael Richards. Michael Richards is 63 today. Really?

Yeah. Huh. He seems like a guy who probably has, yeah, he seems like a guy who would eat red meat at a deli. I don't know. Like a roast beef sandwich? But I also wouldn't be surprised just to find out he's a Buddhist and vegetarian. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Celebrity beef. Who do you think he's? I mean, a black celebrity. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah, he never bounced back well from that, did he? No. Oh, I feel so bad for him.

How many of these celebrities did you feel bad for? A lot of them. Mostly because they're getting old. Yeah, Bindi Irwin's 14. I feel rough for her. But I feel bad because her dad died. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm the monster because her dad died.

No, the crocodiles are the monsters. No, no, the stingray was the monster. I know, but crocod her dad died. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm the monster because her dad died. No, the crocodiles are the monsters. No, no. The stingray was the monster. I know, but crocodiles are monsters. Well, that's true. Literally, they're dinosaurs. Yeah. They're modern monsters.

So hats off to you, crocodiles. Well, we didn't figure out who his celebrity beef was with. Oh, he said any black. Any black celebrity. Okay. All right. Well, that rounded off awkwardly. It was a real round off back handspring.

Am I right, gymnastics? I'll ask my fiance. Now we really mean it. Overheards. Overheards. We always like to start with the guest. And that means you, Caitlin. You're the guest.

Can you do it? Are you ready? Yeah, totally. I was at the Sunday service the other week, and I hit a girl. I didn't hit a girl. Sorry. Sorry. I heard. I heard a girl. I smashed

a girl. English is only one of my first languages. Sorry, guys. Now, we've explained the Sunday service as a weekly improv show, right? Yeah, at the Cosmic Zoo. The greatest improv show in town. At the Cosmich Zoo. It certainly is. It's at the Cosmich Zoo. And I was using the washroom.

It was after the show. And a woman came in, and I was in the stall, so I was hiding, hiding, as always, as all women do when they pee. We hide. You had your feet up on the seat. I had my feet up on the seat, still peeing, though. And a woman came in the washroom,

and I could tell she was on the phone. And she went, no, no, no, yeah, no no yeah yeah and she was whispering the whole time she said no no i was uh i was i was at the wedding tonight i was just downstairs oh you didn't see me oh didn't you see me and i think she was lying about being at a wedding yeah and then she said no no i oh i was at the down oh i'm sorry i missed you yeah yeah but she was whispering on the phone in the bathroom which is just like it's a two-stall bathroom so like she didn't need to whisper but the whisper it gave away the fact that she was lying she's like yeah no no i was at the wedding tonight oh i didn't see you oh that's so weird oh man no i was there anyways i gotta get going see you later and i

was like oh this girl totally ditched out on a wedding yeah and then just pretended to be there by being like oh i was sitting on the veranda the whole time and like wow but yeah and lied about it in a bathroom yeah which is the dirtiest place to lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's where secrets should go, right? Yeah, exactly. Always tell a secret in a bathroom. We, uh, when I was a kid... Good rule of thumb. When I was a kid, we had to go to church every Sunday. And then there were, like, maybe

five or six times in my entire life when we didn't go, but we would tell my mother, oh, we were in the balcony. Wow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we were in the balcony. Yeah. Did you tell it in a whisper? In a toilet? Yeah, we were in the balcony. Yeah, we, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were at the balcony. Yeah. Did you tell it in a whisper? In a toilet? Yeah, we were in the balcony. Yeah, we were in a...

Like a high-pitched whisper? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm hearing a lot of flushing in the background. What's that? Well, you know, I was at the wedding tonight, and it's like, it was by the end of the... It was around like 10.30, right? What, was she trying to hide the fact that she was in a bathroom? Well, I don't know.

I was like, why are you whispering now? You've left the noisy bar to hear someone on the phone, clearly, to get away from the noise. You should have flushed the toilet. Champagne flute. Clink with me. Clink with me. Clink with me. You should have flushed the toilet and totally blown her cover.

I should have. I know, but I was so like... Whenever I see someone lying, my instinct is to help them. And that is not a good instinct. No, wait. No, it is. Yeah, it is. Because I'm seeing someone floundering. I'm like, I got this one, guys. And that is not a good instinct. No, wait, no, it is. Because I'm seeing someone floundering, I'm like,

I got this one, guys. You're helping your fellow person get out of a sticky situation. I'm a remarkable liar. Yeah. Remarkable. Yeah, you're not even engaged, I hear. Don't trust a word I say. Don't trust a single word. That means trust is a clue. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, well done. I was never good at that thing where it was like, there are two gatekeepers.

One will always tell the truth and one will always lie. What do you ask them? You can only ask one question. You ask them, what color is my hair? And then the liar says blonde and the liar says blonde. Well, I think when you lie, you should go against that whisper instinct. It's to yell.

Oh, I was there for sure! Yeah, you've got to be very confident. Very loud. Confidence equals... Damn right I was there. And I left because I was disgusted. Because they weren't married in the proper Jedi tradition. Yeah.

Get a Dixieland band in the background. Like lots of trombones. Make it really flamboyant that you're angry. Lying should cost you a lot of money. You have to rent people, rent sounds, reenact the entire wedding action and be like, what? I'm still here. Yeah. I'm waving at you across the dance floor.

Don't you see me? You have to invest in time travel. Lies are hard. Or come off really dumb. I think I was at the wrong wedding. That's not bad. Because then no one's going to be mad at you for being an idiot. Because you're an idiot. If anything, they'll probably send you some sort of snack.

Ooh, like a bag of bits and bytes. Yeah, exactly. I think they'll probably send you some sort of snack. Ooh, like a bag of bits and bytes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here you go, dummy. Dave, do you have an overheard? I do. Mine was at a grocery store.

And it wasn't very busy. And I was just leaving. And I heard one of the clerks say to one of the other clerks, it was early in the morning, and so they had time to just chat. And one of them said, oh, I've been getting really good at my signing lately. I should show you sometime. And the other clerk was like, oh, really? In my mind, I'm like, signing? And she said, yeah, I can do Viva La Vida now.

And then she started to do the Coldplay song in sign language. I used to rule the world. And she's like doing it for her co-worker, and I'm walking out. That's signing with the pressure of rhythm, too. That's not an easy feat. I thought she just had learned how to sign those three words, which would have been impressive enough. V la vida yeah see but the whole song

yeah it was uh either that will never come in handy for her unless she's on sue thomas fbi oh yeah the uh the crime solving blind woman no i always feel like it should have been called sue thomas deaf bi oh I thought it would be FBI. So yours is smarter. Deaf BI makes sense. No, but yours is catchier. Yeah, she had a hearing ear dog named Levi. Yeah.

What's he going to do, bark to warn her? She's deaf. This is futile. Am I right? One episode of Sue Thomas Deaf BI, it was the Christmas episode, and Sue and Levi were like... Do deaf people celebrate Christmas? Sue Thomas and Levi, her dog, were celebrating Christmas alone, and Levi opened up one of

the presents with his teeth, because he's a dog, and he opened it up and he had lifted off this, like, red sweater, And Stephen Thomas looked at him and went, Hey, Levi, I think that one's for me. No. I love that episode so much. Hey, Levi, I think that one's for me. And I was like, yep, close it on that one. Yeah, Levi, you're the worst dog ever.

You idiot dog. Yeah, you're not getting a sweater. You stupid dog. Sweaters aren't for dogs, you idiot. I like that you said they were celebrating Christmas together. Well, yeah. Well, like the dog can celebrate Christmas. Well, the dog's obviously an idiot.

He thought that she bought him a sweater. What a dumb dog. That show seemed Canadian, and I think it was probably filmed in Canada. It sure was. But I don't believe it was Canadian. I think that actress is American. Yeah, I think it was an American production, because it was set

in America. Yeah, it was maybe like a PAX show. Oh, they didn't get Marlee Matlin on that one. No. She probably guest starred. She probably played her fairy godmother. She probably passed. No. Well, she probably guest starred. She probably played her fairy godmother. She probably passed. Went, no thanks, guys. That deaf woman played a deaf woman on Curb Your Enthusiasm

at one point. That's right. Yeah. Or as you call it, Deaf Your Enthusiasm. Don't tell me, ding. Sorry. It comes across as like,

I'm sorry, my deaf person on radio sounds... I would like to apologize to our deaf listeners. I'm so sorry, everyone, for all the deaf people listening to this. But Sue Thomas FBEar was a show that my brothers would watch every week, and then they would say that instead of investigating crimes, that she would always end up making a friend.

That was the conclusion of every episode, is somehow she made a friend. It's Canadian. I was unemployed for a while, and it would just come on at the same time every day. And that's when I knew, like, I would leave the room and when I would come back into the room, I'd just leave the TV on. And it would still be, I'd come back into the room, like, during the noon hour and Sue Thomas FBI was on. And I knew that's when it was time to change the channel. The other show that was on every day was Twice in a Lifetime. Yep.

That was another, like, Guardian Angel show. Yeah, the angels. That was, I say, another Guardian Angel show. Sue Thomas, FBI, was not that at all. Levi was a hearing ear dog, Dave. He was a professional hearing ear dog. Twice in a Lifetime was you die and Al Waxman sends you back to life to

redeem yourself. I want to say it's Delta Burke but it's not Delta Burke. Della Reese? No, that was Touched by an Angel. That's what I'm thinking of. Della Reese and Touched by an Angel. Twice in a lifetime was Al Waxman. King of Kensington. Yeah, and there was another guy who was like the young angel.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, David Borgnanias. Do you have an overheard, Graham? I have an overseen. I'm doing sign language to a girl. This is an overseen that I feel like I saw it today. It was on the cover of one of those free daily newspapers. And I feel like this is a headline that a really lazy sci-fi writer would have written to portray like, we're living in a real futuristic time. Because the banner headline was, Amy Winehouse coming back as hologram?

And that feels like it would be like a little on the nose, guys. Yeah, yeah. Like, people are watching Hologram concerts in the future. That's pretty lazy. It's very Back to the Future 2. Yes, very Back to the Future 2. But I just thought... The moment when the Chicago Cubs win the World Series and they beat Miami.

They don't have a baseball squadron. Squadron. Yeah, so anyways, that just really got me. Got me in a future place. Amy Winehouse, coming back. Was there a question mark at the end of this? Yes, there was. Absolutely, yeah.

Well, I guarantee you she's not coming back as anything but a hologram. Well, seance. Oh, yeah, you're right. She might come back as a cat. I'm not on board with all these holograms coming back. Well, they never went away. Well, okay, fair enough, in our hearts.

But, you know, the Tupac at Coachella thing was like, oh, cool, YouTube video we're all going to share. But I don't want that to be the new trend of concerts. Oh, it's too late. Yeah. Really? Well, I heard that Amy Winehouse might be coming back as a holocaust. Are you sure?

Well, I've heard a rumor, let's say. It's questionable. And by rumor, you mean official press. Yeah, exactly. Literally a newspaper. Literally a newspaper, yeah. Guys, we're not the only ones that overhear things. People out there in the general world overhear them, and they can send them to us via emails at stop podcasting yourself

at gmail.com like these people have yeah exactly this first person is uh jamie n um from location unknown like the uh ultimate warrior and the undertaker um what sorry uh i was in Wendy's And I was sitting near a family of three girls and one boy All elementary school aged Why do you feel bad for Bindi Irwin But you don't feel bad for this guy sitting in Wendy's? Yeah He's got money for lunch

He's eating at Wendy's I can't afford Wendy's Yeah, he could be eating a thick and meaty Was it a he? I wasn't paying attention Yes, absolutely Also, Wendy's, you can pick your own sides at Wendy's. Anyways. Yeah, at most restaurants you're not allowed to choose sides.

Not at a McDonald's. Can I say McDonald's? Yeah, well, we are, yeah. We'll bleep you. Okay, yeah, yeah. I was in Wendy's. I was sitting near a family of three girls and one boy, all elementary school aged. They were sitting in a large booth with all the kids on one side.

The three girls were grouped together on one part of the table, and the boy kind of separated from them. All of a sudden, the boy slid down towards them, put his arm around the girl closest to him, and said, Hello, ladies. Which is pretty great. For a little kid to say, pretty tough. That's great. For a little kid to say, pretty tough. That's great. See, I'm worried about, like, I think people are worried about kids, you know, being too wrapped up in technology. But then there are these moments of when they just have to be around a human and it's darling.

Yeah, it's true. Amazing. That kid, that kid's not going to have any problems in life. No, that kid's not gonna have any problems in life. No. None. No one will ever have problems in life ever again. Congratulations, kid. Yeah. Thanks a lot, Wendy's. Choose your sides. Choose your sides.

You can, if you want. At Wendy's. Absolutely. What are the availabilities? A baked potato? A cheese slice. A bowl of chili? An ant. An ant on a log. A a straw a straw wrapped in paper um a hollow salt packs a jack-o'-lantern yeah uh an ice cream cone no ice cream in it these are sides that's the worst snack here have a cone have this dryconed. I've been there. You've been dry-coned. Guys, this next one comes from Sean M. in Chicago.

Love that city. What's not to love about it? Oh, my God. Chicago, you can go to Pizzeria Uno, I believe, and get a great deep dish. Okay. That was the first. That's Chicagoan for first pizza. Pizzeria Uno.

Okay, yeah. I got windy there, though. Careful. Careful. Yeah, it's the Wendy's City. It's the Wendy's City. Oh, okay, yeah. I know Wendy there, though. Careful. Careful. Yeah, it's the Wendy's city. It's the Wendy's city. Yeah, the two sides. Either you're a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan.

So I'm sitting at my desk at work, zoning in and out of doing work, when I overhear my fairly chunky co-worker, who sits kitty-corner from me, say the following. I mean, I can pretty much just drink Arby's sauce straight from the packet. They encourage that, Arby's. They say, cut open corner, drink quickly. When I go to an

A&W, which stands for Ambugas and Wootbue, I... Call back. I will get a call back to eight years old. I will get a side dish of uh a gravy for my fries and i'll dip the fries in the gravy and it's they're delicious and then i'm always disgusted with myself when i see how much gravy has disappeared but what is in an arby's packet

it's not a gravy it's just like a it's like an orange or red sauce yeah it's something like that it's just like a goo i'm just saying that this is gross. This is another thing that's gross. But this guy can do it because the laws allow it. And the other day I was in... And he's the coolest guy. I was in A&W, which stands for Ambigous and Whoopio. Ryan Beal would disagree.

And I had a... What does Arby's stand for? Roast beef. Yeah, and if you don't stand for roast beef you'll fall for anything um and uh the uh uh the gravy comes comes in this little container and then i saw a woman uh like an employee carry a big tray of these containers uh outside give them to raccoons and she was handing them out as samples but it wasn't

when I got out I realized she wasn't handing out gravy samples to people it was just little bits of root beer in the gravy container I think that I would like at this point to hear an Arby's anecdote from you I've never been to Arby's

I've been once when I was a kid and I was so disappointed because I thought we were going to have hamburgers. And then, man, oh, man, is that not. When it was a roast beef sandwich, you were disappointed. You worked in a mall. Tell us about Arby's. Well, not only did I work in a mall, but I worked in a French-Canadian mall. Oh, la la.

So I don't know much about Arby's, but I know a lot about gravy. Yeah, go on. It's basically like our sauce of choice in quebec like like like quebecois people love putting like gravy like i mean my god we invented poutine right like or as you people call it poutine yeah sorry sorry you people it's a lot of distance as you anglos call it poutine but we have poutine back home where it's just like, it's French fries that are double fried. Very important. You got to fry them, wait, fry them again. How long do you wait?

Not long. Okay. And you know when it's the right time. Like you light a cigarette and you eat a Joe Louis, pound a can of Coke. You're good to go. Fry them again. Then throw cheese curds on top. Yeah. You call this a poutine?

Poutine. Yeah. They call this a poutine? Poutine, yeah. They call it a Vladimir. No, but everyone is going to eat a poutine tonight and we're going to have a stomachache. Oh my God, it's going to be disgusting. Disgusting. You are a cultured bunch. Look at this French.

And it's gone. Now it's just pure mocking. Now it's mocking of our official other language here in Canada. Okay. That's just a town. He's just saying towns. I would never go to an Arby's, guys. Want to know why?

Because I'm not an idiot. You know what? Never say never. Yeah. Never say never. We go to Arby's after this? Wait, are you guys taking me to Arby's? Have you ever been somebody's slightly chunky co-worker? Oh, boy.

Have you seen me at the Fall Into the Gap? This last one comes from Anthony B. from Arizona. Hot. It's hot there right now. It's a dry heat, though. It's hot. No, not in the summertime. Oh, it's a dry heat. The other day, my mother was talking about a protest she went to.

She said, you know who I met there? Eve Ensler. When she realized I didn't know who that was, she elaborated by saying, she wrote the vagina monocles. I mean, monologues. Yay! Yay!

Ew! Yucky! Ew! Yucky! Ew! Oh, vagina monocle! Well, I lost another monocle. That's a very distinguished vagina you have there. What are you looking at there, paw? Is that an owl's vagina? Oh, is there a Mrs. Peanut?

Et cetera. Oh, I think we just did all the jokes. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you would like to call us with your overheard, our number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham.

This is Nathan from Philadelphia calling in with an overheard. So I'm standing in line at the CVS pharmacy in the back of the store. It's a big drugstore chain in America. And it's a pretty long line, and it's not moving very quickly. And this girl and guy get in line behind me, and the girl says, well, this is a pit. And the guy says, what, like waiting in line? And she says, yeah, I don't want to wait here with everybody else.

And so she goes over to a different window at the pharmacy, one with nobody at it, and stands there until somebody comes over to talk to her. And then she immediately says, can we get a morning after pill? And then the best part was she was directed to the big long line, which they had to wait in to pay for it. And the best part is she still didn't wait because she went to go get an iced coffee while her boyfriend waited in line to pay for the morning after pill.

What is the... You're half of this problem, buddy. What's the etiquette on that? Who pays for the morning after pill? I think you put Dutch on that, don't you? Exactly. Or hopefully you apply to the Dutch government and they pay it for you. Oh yeah, those Northern Europeans.

Oh God, they'll give you it for you. Oh, yeah. Those Northern Europeans. Oh, God. They'll give you money for anything. We're forming an abortion pill club. Also, though, do you have to like... That's not what that is. I know that the morning after pill isn't an abortion pill. Please don't email me. You're like that Baptist church who goes and protests every funeral.

Oh, yeah. He's exactly like that. Yeah. God hates apps. That's a touchy thing. Like, you know, you have a great night of, like, oh, you probably drink too much, and then you bone real hard, and then you wake up in the morning just looking rough, right? Just, like, looking tough and a bit puffy.

Like, you want to go to the pharmacy with me? I could go for an iced coffee. There's a pharmacy that has the Starbucks. Do you want to go to Denny's before we get the morning after bill? Take me to the pharmacy and then we'll get breakfast. Speaking of Denny's, now, this is not a spoiler at all, but the... Speaking of Denny's. I'm saying beforehand that it's not a spoiler.

Of breakfast. Well, it is a spoiler of breakfast a break well it is a spoiler breakfast but uh the the season premiere of breaking bad the opening scene happens in a denny's and i'm like did did denny's know that they were giving over permission to be the uh the restaurant of meth dealers do you think across the country do you think that they filmed that without telling them do you think they were like a high school production yeah like we're just doing this do you think it was jackass school or like who else did like who i think denny's paid for it but like who else was like in the bidding war oh i hop oh i hop yeah so they don't care that it's the the character of their business

is being displayed as a great place for meth. Yeah, but it is. Yeah, no, I know. But do you think that they're aware of that? I think what they're saying is anyone can go to Denny's. You know? Denny's. It's for everybody. People know that.

People, like, at five in the morning on a Sunday, it'll be filled with, you know, people who are on meth. Yeah. And then four hours later, there'll be lineups of families but doesn't it surprise you that denny's knows that it seems like denny's being a place that still serves the food that they do what seems like they live in a in a bubble where nobody can penetrate and tell them you know what you're doing is awful so how do they know that it's that they're like that that that's a good crossover brand thing?

It's just, they're food for everyone, you know? They're a real populist place. So anybody can do anything. Denny's is your one-stop shop. While you wait, there's a claw machine. Absolutely. Guys, I've never been to a Denny's before. What?

Where they've got this thing where they double fry the fries. Yeah, yeah. And they call it a Denny's. Okay, now you're mocking my people, and the Quebec people will come after you. No, they won't. They got the moons over my hammock. Yeah, do they do the Rudy 2D Fresh and Fruity? Sure they do.

Absolutely. Don't you get some free on your birthday? They have Grand Slams. Yeah, you get a free meal on your birthday with ID. You get free ID. That's great. Free ID. Absolutely.

Meth till what? 6? 6 a.m yeah meth till 6 a.m not p.m very important to know yeah you'll get uh uh it's not a good restaurant no but it's funny that a restaurant would be like yeah you know we'll take our uh we'll take our crossover sponsorship where it comes well how have you never been to a denny's? We don't have Denny's in Quebec. Oh, it's called Denny's. Oh, Denny's? Yeah, Denny's. Oh, Denny's. Oh, you go over to Denny's.

Okay, say Denny's. Wait, where would you go at like three in the morning and get? Le Fleurs. That's like a greasy spoon. Le Fleurs, you go to Joe Patat, you go to whatever like Madonna. Patati, patata. Yeah, you go to Le whatever like madonna patati patata yeah you go to le fleurs a lot you um the thing is in montreal you would always like there's always like like slices of pizza that

you can get that that are the size the the shape of your head the shape of your head perfect perfect uh for like 99 cents do you miss it oh god You know what I miss is how cheap Montreal is. Like you mean cheap sleazy or cheap cheap? Like cheap like... My brother just got an apartment in Montreal that's 700 square feet. So picture that one, people. And he's paying... I can't.

What is that big? Is that big? That's like... That's smaller than this place. Okay. A little bit. But I don't know. It's still...

It's a one bedroom. It's a one bedroom and it's good. Okay. It's good. He's got a full balcony. He's like in a great area. Does he have an extra room for podcasts? No, Dave.

But he's also only paying $6.70 a month. And his landlord is Joe Patat. So, you know, it's a beautiful city of like, and it's the same thing in Barcelona. Like, you know, you're saying in Barcelona, like, and it's the same thing in Barcelona. Like, you know, you're saying in Barcelona, people are beautiful and everyone's making out. Neck braces, yeah. Neck braces. Montreal. Yeah.

I think you can see just as many neck braces there. That's true. Oh, yeah. Really beautiful, like, filthy looking people. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, wow, that girl has been around a lot. Yeah. Ooh, that girl.

Rough. Yeah. But I kind of want to still kiss her yeah like maybe her life would be easier if she wasn't so goddamn beautiful oh god what a sexy woman it's a sexy city especially in the summertime yeah oh it's well what city isn't in the summertime every city toronto toronto's real real real stink fest um everywhere stinks stinks in the summer. It's the worst. Thumbs down summer.

Especially Phoenix. Sorry about living in Phoenix, that guy before. You know what? Guy's all right. Next phone call. Here we go. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Blake from Oakland, California.

I've got an overheard for you. Me and my fiance were coming out of a whole shoot here in Oakland a month or two ago. And we hear these kind of frat boy guys coming towards us, and one of them says, yeah, but if he keeps up this pace, he'll have slept with over a thousand women in two years. And if you do the math,

that's like two ladies a day. That's kind of gross. Two ladies a day? Is that what he said? Yeah, two ladies a day over two what he said yeah two ladies a day over two years he would have slept with a thousand women

which that's I guess yeah under two women a day yeah that everyone was slow math

you just heard yeah that was real hard math all of our brains went well mostly I was just thinking about that guy's crazy cough

at the beginning it made me laugh and stuff like that. Yeah. Hi, guys. Got me. Yeah. Yeah.

There's no wrong time to clear your throat. I think, oh, when I said I was doing a thousand press-ups, I meant I was sleeping with two women a day. Oh, yeah, absolutely. By the end of two years, you're going to be able to fill out that form. With my strong press-up arm. Okay, final over. Here we go. Dave, Graham, impossible guest.

This is Luke in Seattle, and I am calling with an overheard. I'm at the playground with my daughter, and I just overheard this group of yelling, screaming boys running around having fun, stomping on things. And one of them said, let's play freeze tag. And another one said, no, freeze tag makes people fart. And then the first kid said, no, it doesn't. And then the other kid said, well, it makes me fart. Yeah, like the kid was trying to make a generalization. Guys, no, it always happens.

Someone farts every time. Fart tag. What about freeze tag makes them fart? You have to freeze? No, no, think about it. Okay, you're playing freeze tag. Someone gets you, and instantly you, like, clench up, right? You're like, oh, I just got caught!

Everything in your body, tight. And then you're like, oh, you put a lot of stress on your belly. You clench up. Tooth's going to come out. Or when someone untags you in freeze tag, and then there's the release of, like, yeah! I forget the rules of freeze tag. I do, too. Yeah.

You're it. Yeah. Wait, are you it when you're freeze tag? No, no, no. Someone tags you, you're free. Tags you, you're frozen. Someone has to run under your legs. Ew, someone has to run between your legs while you're farting.

Yeah, exactly. That's why. That's why this guy didn't want to do it. But then how do you not become, like, are you it forever then? Yeah, until you're an old man. And then somebody at a retirement home tags you. And then you're like, finally. Yeah, how do you un-become it if people just freeze?

Someone's mom calls. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's not in it anymore. You all going for some Sunny D? I don't know. Oh, well, thank you. Some purple stuff, some orange going for some Sunny D? I don't know. Oh, well, thank you. That's some purple stuff, some orange stuff, some Sunny D. Absolutely, some soda.

Some sodas. Grapes. Do you guys want to suck on some grapes? I believe we're also in the frame of that shot. Sunny D. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Is it still around? Have you ever had it? Yeah. It makes me thirsty. It's gross. It tastes like the orange stuff that McDonald's used to make. No. It's the exact same stuff.

Exact same stuff. No, no. The orange Gak. This Gak. This Gak with no water. Sunny D has like oil in it. Really? What?

Yeah. Was that? The only time I've ever tasted it, it had oil in it. It was Thousand Island Sunny island sunny d yeah did your brother give it to you while you guys were waiting for your dad i think one i think like the second ingredient is like vaseline oh it's like water petroleum jelly yeah water something that doesn't mix with water yes and purple stuff purple stuff. And purple stuff. Which is weird.

Sunny D has that effect of, like, makes your mouth sound like... That sound like... Chalky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chalky. Yeah, chalk. Oily. Oily.

Oily mouth. A real vast mouth. You got a real oil mouth there. You got a real oil mouth, son. Mm-hmm. Now, here we are at the end of the show. Can you believe it? No.

Yes. Believe it. But I want more. Well, we'll have you back. How about that? Absolutely. I feel like it's a real, like, here's the thing. With Stop Podcasting Yourself, I've told a lot of friends that I was going to be on your

podcast, and a lot of people were very excited. And a few friends of mine were like, oh, yeah, that's huge. We love that show. And we listen to it every time it comes out. And someone said, man, if you can get on twice, that means that you're in with these guys. Because once is a like, sure, we'll have you. I feel bad for the one-timers now. But twice means that you're in.

It means that we'll send you to a Denny's on a Sunday morning pick up a package for us means that I'm gonna treat you boys if it means getting in for a second time I will treat you to a Denny's meal of your choice this is pretty enticing yeah we will film or record oh we could film a bit okay be fun we'll do it like a I don't show up on film. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I married a vampire. Oh, congratulations. He's a vampire by marriage. Yeah. Yeah.

So I also, I don't show up. I show up in a mirror but not on film. I only show up in a mirror ball. Yes. So if I need to fix my hair

I have to go to the disco. Yeah. And you have to move fast. Yeah, absolutely. But that's by my nature. So we're at the end of the show. Now, Caitlin, do you have anything you would like to plug? Where can people find you online?

Where can they see you? Well, they can see me every Sunday at Sunday service. I play at Vancouver Theater Sports League. You play the woman. I am the woman. I also play a girlfriend, Dave. Or a secretary. So, okay. Second City gave me Or a secretary. So, okay.

Second City gave me a lot of great training for that. You can find me online at weareuncalledfor.com. We are uncalled for? Yeah. It's my sketch and improv troupe from Montreal that we've made a bunch of videos and sketches. And we did it up on the internet. Nice! So we are uncalledfor.com is my sketches that you can see me on and

you know, there's some Second City stuff out there that don't read those interviews because ay... What did you do? I tried to be funny and quirky in a paper interview. I'll never do that. But basically I'm doing improv

all around Vancouver, so come check out improv. We're the lucky ones. We're the lucky city. We got a Caitlin Howden and a Hot Sauce Panda or whatever. What was the name of the band? Hot Panda? Hot Panda. Yeah. Well, you guys were talking about Hot Sauce earlier. Well, they make a Hot Sauce.

They make a Hot Sauce. Yes, this man makes a hot sauce. Yeah, yeah. So, hot panda and a hot sauce. We win. Vancouver won Montreal. Thanks, Graham. Yeah. Thanks for saying...

No one's ever said that to me. Stop it. Thanks. Stop it. Dave, do you have anything you want to plug? Yeah, Dave, how are you going to top that one? Because Graham thanked me for living here. Well, I'd like to thank Dave for living here.

Dave, it's mostly about me right now, Dave. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You called him Dave? Oh, wow. Oh, Graham? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Is it too late to vote?

It's not too late to vote for us in the Canadian Comedy Awards. You're nominated for a Canadian Comedy Award. I am. I'm nominated for a few of them, yeah. Really? What category? What category? Well, Uncalled For is nominated for a few of them, yeah. Really? What category? Well, Uncalled For is nominated for Best Sketch Troop.

The Sunday Service is nominated for Best... A bunch of things. Yeah, we're nominated for Best Podcast with a beautiful podcast against you guys. But if you want to vote for Stop Podcasting Yourself, I understand. You understand. We're nominated for Best Web Clip. We're nominated for Best Improv Troop. And I, myself, am nominated for Best Female Improviser in Canada. This is craziness.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, not all these categories are votable by the public. No. But only like six or seven are. So go to Canadian... A podcast is one of them. Yep.

Go to CanadianComedy.ca. And, you know, you decide what you want to vote for. Absolutely. I'm on the show right now, but I will say, I voted for Stop Podcasting Yourself. Oh, that's going to put you in bed with your friends. No, they don't listen to this show. Don't worry about it. I'm just kidding.

I'm the luckiest girl here. Thanks, guys. In this episode, yeah, I think this is the last episode where you can actually vote, because the voting ends at the end of July. Yes. So vote! You will never hear from us ever again. Yeah, that will be the end of everything.

And, yeah, I don't know. I don't think I have anything to plug. Plug? I want to wish my dad a happy birthday. Oh, what? Really? Yeah. He's not listening.

Oh, happy birthday, Mr. Shumka. It's out there. In the ether. Yeah. And yeah, I am currently, as you're listening to this, in London, somewhere, sweating. Buy him a banger. Yeah, you're right. You're really having a really nice time.

Thanks, man. She does two languages. But yeah, I'm at the Comedy Cafe this Friday. But yeah, I'm at the Comedy Cafe this Friday. So if you're in London and you're like, Olympics, schmolympics, and you want to see a comedy show, you can go there. And then in August, I'm going to be in Victoria at the Blue Bridge Comedy Festival, named after the famous Blue Bridge that everyone in Victoria adores and visits annually. Right? Yep.

And also, while you're on the internets, why don't you swing by MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week to accompany the podcast. Surely that Sunny D ad's going to make its way somewhere. I'm hoping I can find the Madonna and Missy Elliott Gap commercial. I don't think you'll have any trouble. Fall into the gap. Remember when they did that swing dance commercial? That was huge. It was for

a capri. They invented jumping, jiving, and wailing. They invented the cherry poppin' daddy. Guys, let's bring swing back again. For a third time. Re-bring swing. Now's the time.

For a second encore. Yeah, MaximumFun.org for that. And that's it. Yeah, there's all sorts of great shows there. There's a new show on there called The Memory Palace. Yes, very short, beautiful history stories i recommend it uh highly yeah so uh you can go check out that stuff and if you like the show tell your friends and uh come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself Thank you.