Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 231 - Taz VanRassel

Episode Date: August 21, 2012

Taz VanRassel returns to talk about beef tongue, fake waiting, cobblers, and soccer. Ugh, are you even reading this?

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 231 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the M. Bison to my Blanca, Mr. Dave Shumka. Uh, yes. Characters from Street Fighter, the video game and the TV show.

The TV show? What? The game show. Yeah, whoever wins a car at the end, somebody comes out and kicks it to pieces. Yeah, big money, no Hadoukens. And our guest today, returning guest, hilarious improviser, producer of shows, and co-host of his very own podcast, a beautiful podcast featuring the Sunday Service, Mr.

Taz Van Rassel is our guest. Hello! Hello! Isn't that how you're supposed to end it? Oh, sorry. That was good. Thanks for coming on the podcast. Yeah, glad to be here again.

It's good to have you. It's been a while. I think so. You've grown. That's good to know us. So we're all, pretty soon, we're all going to be heading out to Toronto together as a group. On the same plane? What plane are you on? We're going a day after you are, I think. And yeah, whatever plane you're on, we're on different sites I'm flying with Aaron Reid, so I'm very excited

Oh, he's going to get drunk on the plane Maybe That'll be fun We're all going to the Canadian Comedy Awards And this is your first time being nominated? Yeah How many times have you been nominated? Myself?

Oh, total? Yeah. I don't know, including all, like, other stuff? Yeah, all the stuff. As a producer or as a... Like, nine or something? Nine times, I think. Susan Lucci.

I'm not sure. But six for male improviser. Are you also male improviser this year? Yes, up against Ryan Beal. Oh! Ooh! Your teammate. Is it one of those things where if one of you

wins it and the other doesn't, you guys are going to split the trophy? Are you going to go up together? He says he'll storm the stage if I win, and I will quit the group and move to Toronto. Oh, okay. Wow. This is like a retirement match. This is great. A lot of. Lots of, this is like a retirement match. Sure. This is great.

A lot of suspense. A lot of, a whole lot is riding on your tires. Yeah. Are you guys, are you, so he's nominated, you're nominated, and then your group is also nominated. And your podcast is nominated. Yeah, against

you guys. Yeah. That's weird. It is awkward for us. Dave Lesso, he's cool about it. I'm a little tense. I'm going to retire and move to wherever you said. I think you guys will win, or we've split the vote in Vancouver. Oh, that would be interesting. That's probably what happened, thanks to us.

Yeah. We split the vote, and then, oh, somebody runs up the middle. I think Sean Cullen's going to win. Oh, he's been on the TV. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's true so many times. Yeah, he took out a commercial. Look, guys, we can talk about this, but I'm so bored.

Did he take out a commercial on TV, like a campaign ad? Oh, did he smear our podcast? He didn't have to. Oh, wow. You're saying we do it ourselves? Mm-hmm. Arsh. So what's going on with Taz Van Russell besides the awards?

Besides all the... Besides the accolades. All the hullabaloo. Not much. I am living my life probably very similar in fashion to the way I was living last time. Sure. Which is... Paycheck to paycheck.

Yep. Hand to mouth. What does that mean exactly? You know it's a term It's mostly I think it refers to A way that As soon as you get paid in food You're putting it in your mouth

Yeah you don't put it in the fridge Yeah so it's like referring to room and board maybe So rich people are hand to bank To bank to food to mouth Hand to bank to credit So rich people get paid in food and they put their food in the bank in the food bank and then it gets turned into money yeah then they just let it sit there and yeah it just makes money oh man that's like those expensive cheeses right you just

let them sit and then all of a sudden or like an aged aged steak. Big money and leaving food. Is that what you're investing in? Is cheese and steak? A bottle of wine, I'd understand. Yeah. That's why I'm not a very good investor. When people said invest in pork bellies, I literally bought pork bellies. Sure. Those are good.

Yeah, sure. And they don't age well. They've all gone bad. But they sell high in Gastown. Yeah, right? That's a big thing, and Vancouver's Gastown is a fancy sandwich. Yeah, a fatty, gelatinous sandwich. Yeah, with meat that ten years ago you would have

considered, like, tripe. Yeah. I don't care for it. Tongue, and belly, and cheek. Are they really? Is that, like, weird fringe meats? Yeah, it's like... They're making a comeback.

They're in tacos. In a lot of tacos. Well, what? Like the stomach? Stomach taco? Belly. Belly more than stomach, I think. What is wrong with the belly? I'm years out of practice

of the meat cuts. Nothing's really wrong with it. It's fine. It's fatty. What about the tongue? What does that taste like? I don't think I've had tongue. I had it. It tastes like meat. Does it feel like you're making up with somebody? It was mashed up, so it wasn't like it was a tongue. Have you ever seen those?

At the supermarket, where it's just a tongue? What do you do with that? You go home and practice kissing you go home and you make a lady you make a uh you you cut a picture make a lady no you cut a picture of claudia shipper out of a magazine you don't use more meat to make no no no you want a pretty lady yeah uh so you do, you're not making a lady out of sausages or something. You do a Claudia Schiffer or a Leticia Casta or a Julia Sweeney. With like sniffy markers? Oh yeah, you want them to smell nice. So you draw on lipstick with like a cherry or a raspberry.

And then you cut a hole for the mouth. You stick it in the tongue. The hair is licorice. The hair is absolutely licorice. The goal is to eat her. Yes. To consume your lover's face. So, like, are you drawing the face to scale,

or is it just a normal human-sized face with a giant cow tongue hanging over it? It's a normal, it's a magazine-sized face. It helps. Are you mechanizing the tongue in any way? Yeah, yeah, you can um... You're sticking it in a room, Sam. You can put like, um... I don't know what the word is for it, but just like

basically... An oscillator? A dowel. A big wooden dowel. Okay. Through the length of the tongue. Yeah. You wiggle it around. Oh, so you're operating it. Yeah, or a friend. If someone's going to operate it,

you might as well practice kissing on them. As soon as you have an operator, you don't need... Yeah, if you have someone who's willing to do that for you, they're probably willing to just kiss you. Come over for kissing practice at 4 o'clock. Bring your gloves. So neither of you guys have eaten Tongue just like a tongue Like it's been mashed up

It's had to be disguised as something Well I've had it but I cut it into two pieces Oh okay Like a raven Or like those guys that get their tongues split Like a raven What ravens have two If you want a raven those creeps what ravens have two if you want a raven to talk human you split its tongue that's what gypsies used to do can i

say gypsies on air we're not gonna stop you okay what uh is this really is this like yeah it's what travelers used to do uh is apparently they would they would split the raven's tongue and then and then because of that the then they can pronounce words that we can say. How long ago was this? I don't know. Was this to get out of work where you would send in a raven to do your job for you? Bill can't come into work today.

This is his wife. God, he's sick. I'm just curious who figured that out though Well let's cut this tongue in half And see what happens I think it was one of those accidental finds Yeah while they were practicing kissing On a raven

Too voraciously Wow lots of facts Learning So you're living your life Hand to mouth Tongue to magazine. And what are you doing? Because the last time you were here, or the time before, you teach improv.

Yep. You do improv, and then you also eat improv. Yeah, you sleep improv. Well, I do weird... I do corporate shows. Oh, right. I get hired to do that, and I do roving characters, which is terrible.

So is that when you go to a party and you pretend to be Alexander Graham Bell? I haven't done that one yet. Does anybody have a telephone? We have one that we do It's called Undercover Waiters Oh, I think you did tell us about this

Did I already? I think so What is it? It's a long-term grift Okay Where you're hired by usually one person Who's running the party Who doesn't tell anyone else

And you get there and you integrate yourself into the catering staff they don't even know no you tell them i make sure to tell them okay so integration like you wear you wear the same things that they're wearing like hey i'm gonna be doing this it's cool what can i do what like don't touch the food okay cool i'll just clear plates uh and for like half an hour to an hour i act like i worked there wow with another person thank god so it's like actually working yeah you do half an hour of honest work yeah and then we slowly get worse and worse like we uh we drop stuff uh we we get in an argument we start talking on our phone uh alexander graham bell here yeah ahoy and this will go on for like an hour and a half uh does the uh uh catering staff

mind they were cool with it are you making more money than they are yeah probably so that and you're like dropping their dishes Well no I don't break anything I ask them ahead what I can and can't do And most of it is just like acting out Or like going up to people's tables And like taking a sip of their drink And stupid stuff And then trying not to totally piss people off

Right Because it goes against everything that I grew up doing Which was working in restaurants And being polite to people And not getting fired. You're walking the Howie Mandel line. Yeah. Yeah.

So what, I feel like you have talked about this on the show. I know for sure you've talked about doing like corporate stuff. This is, this sounds new to me. I think last time we talked about running an iPod battle. Yep, I remember that. A while ago. And wearing a huge flat screen on my back at the gayod battle. Yep, I remember that. A while ago. And wearing a huge flat screen on my back at the gay pride parade. Yep.

But this now, what is in it for anybody? Yeah, why? Why does it exist? Yeah. Because at the end, we make an announcement and go, gotcha. And then we open our shirts and it says like fuck you then we flip a table and we uh make out with the the maitre d yeah we leave uh but yeah that's that's it and then everyone kind of goes like oh i knew it i knew it someone should get murdered

I knew it. I knew it. Someone should get murdered. Yeah. Like for hiring you. I don't, yeah. It's usually someone younger who's like, this will be a great idea for the stiffs in the company. And then usually those people are the people that take me aside. So far I've gotten in trouble twice by a matriarch of a house who took me aside and goes, I know what you're trying to do and you need to stop it.

And I was like, are you talking to... what did she really know i didn't know i didn't know she was talking to me the actor or me the waiter okay i was like she didn't hire you no and i was like she was the matriarch of the house what's that yeah that's the mom oh the one that gave birth to the house yeah yeah exactly and i was like you should talk to your daughter And then she talked to her daughter and came back and went, you're doing a great job. I'm like, am I? But then at that point, what did she think you were trying to do? When she said, I know what you're doing, what she meant was, I have no idea what you're doing. Because we kept walking around and going like, woo, let's get this party started.

Like, just being assholes, basically. And I think she thought we were trying to get the party started. What a rube. This party will start at 8.30pm, like it said on the invitation. I see what you're trying to do, get this party better, but that's not your job. Yeah, that's my job as the matriarch. So it's usually a young person who hires you. Yeah, who thinks it's a great idea.

This sounds like a crazy... And this is an ongoing thing that happens... It's happened more than once? Yeah. I figured. Young people get too much credit for knowing how to party.

Have you? On my Super Sweet 16, they always try to incorporate, like, a fashion show in the middle of the party, which is... This is the 16-year-olds are planning. Yeah. Okay.

Which is the most disruptive thing that is so anti-party in the middle of a party. Any sort of demonstration is always a weird interruption to a party. Like doing an improv show. Yeah. Hey, everyone stop. Stop having fun. Stop dancing. Here's the comedy improv.

Everybody has started talking finally. Now stop. We're going to give you something to talk about. Bonnie Raitt, everybody. The improv stylings of Ms. Bonnie Raitt. There's a show that I don't know if it's My Super Sweet Sixteen, but it's like that. And on every episode, the mom sings a song to everybody that's in attendance. Like, it's the mom's in on the planning it's a

maybe a show on splice i want to say splice that's not a channel well what is that is that science what is the channel that women's entertainment you're thinking of slice what is splice like a horror movie or something It is. And it's also something you do with cells, I believe. Yeah, right. And film? Yeah, absolutely. Slice. So the mom throws a party, then sings a song?

Yeah, yeah. Like every single episode, the mom is throwing this lavish party, but then she gets up and does a number. Are you thinking of The Real Housewives of Vancouver? No, but that seems like it's in the same wheelhouse, really. Why would anybody want that at any level of richness?

To have their mom sing at their party? I think the person singing is usually the person with the money. It was a housewife singing, not a mom. Yeah, wow. Many of the housewives are also housemoms. House matriarchs.

I've only watched the after show, so I don't actually... I've never seen the show. I only watch the YouTube after show. It really sums it up. Yeah, exactly. Well, it's one of those time savers that you read about in the Ten Habits of Life.

Just watch the after thank god there's a reality show after a reality show about the reality show um on youtube uh has anybody seen this season of haters anybody i haven't seen any season of what are you talking about what is it the mary lopez show where he goes okay oh yes yeah yeah he brings together a reality show star and somebody that hates that reality show star. And they confront each other. Yeah, and then they make them hang out for an afternoon. Like a Twitter, like, hater?

Well, yeah, like somebody, like, they'll bring on Snooki, and then they'll bring on somebody who hates Snooki. Like someone who just writes comments on YouTube? Yeah, yeah. Fag. Yeah, and then they... Who doesn't really get Snooki's whole deal? Yeah, I don't get it. First. Yeah, it's like a Who doesn't really get Snooki's whole deal? Yeah, I really get it. First.

Yeah, it's like a 54-year-old school teacher from Vermont. You guys are going to hang out together in Miami. They should do one where it's just the person who writes first. Yeah. Since you were the first person to comment, you get to hang out with Snooki for a day. I'm just like, ugh. I just have a bot that does that. What's the new season like? I don't know.

There was a guy from The Bachelor was the one that I saw. Oh, okay. A guy that the girl hated. And they didn't, at the end of it, she's like, I still hate this guy. Like, I don't know why I agreed to do this. So the point is that they will find, like, true love? They'll work out their issues that only one of them has? What's the goal?

Yeah, I don't know what the goal... I mean, definitely to keep Mary Lopez in the black, right? Human kindness, maybe? Yeah. Also, maybe it's a chance for reality show stars to get on TV some more, right? Keep that machine going. show stars to get on TV some more. Right? Keep that machine going.

Oh, that must be like as a TV producer that seems like the worst gig because you have to find people who hate someone. But the people probably don't really hate them that much. They just don't care. Yeah, yeah. But then they put a lot of booze in their green room.

Yeah. Oh, by the way, you hate this teen mom. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think of this teen mom? And you're like, I think she shouldn't do that. And then you have to spend a whole day with her. Oh, great.

You didn't hate her before, you will not. Do they just overly try to win them over? Yeah, yeah. They, like, take... Like, the Bachelor guy, he flew this girl on his, like, private plane. And then flew her to where the Bachelor... What? Why does he have a private plane?

I don't know. He has a plane, though. And he flew her to where the Bachelor bachelor was shot or something and she was it just sounds like the bachelor yeah well it seemed like he took her in a plane he wooed her yeah yeah he gave her a rose oh that was the tagline of the whole episode he's like i'll tell you who's not getting a rose like this hater yeah uh but you'll find out after the break won't be getting a rose yeah the hater how much do you think it would cost to have the bachelor show up at a party and pretend to be a horrible waiter 250 do you think yeah wow that's pretty good um yeah less than i get paid

whoa whoa whoa Must be nice. I'm doing great. I'm doing great, guys. By living hand-to-mouth, you mean you eat some of the food? Oh, yeah. I take food. Bejeweled hand-to-mouth, right?

Yeah. Now, you said corporate work. Is there other... Are you now part of a corporation? Are you the 1%? I've done stunts. Like PR stunts. You may have seen a clip of me in the 24 dressed as a butler. Oh, the 24 newspaper?

Yeah, the 24 newspaper. That's worldwide, right? Yeah, absolutely. I was dressed as a butler along with like 10 other actors. newspaper yeah the 24 newspaper uh that's worldwide right yeah absolutely yeah uh i was dressed as a butler along with like 10 other actors and uh we were on the corner of a busy downtown street uh handing out roses donuts uh swag for coast capital uh and walking people across the street with umbrellas it was actually very easy because we were doing nice things yeah oh we were harassing in the morning. Was this first thing in the morning?

It was really early in the morning. Dressed in tuxedo, I assume. It was kind of cold out and raining. It wasn't that bad. Was it Bachelor related? Nope. It was just like, we'll help you get what you want or whatever. Somebody's like, I need some crack.

Hey, Butler. We'll go the extra mile. Somebody's like, I need some crack. Hey, butler. Hey, jeez. We'll go the extra mile. We had to stay in a one block radio. Really? Oh, wow. Was it a block that would, like, I already have a butler doing what you're proposing? Yeah, we ran into other butlers.

Get off my beat. You're helping a butler cross the street. They would love that, probably. Oh, man. How kind. You're doing it wrong. You gotta eat from the outside tableware inside. I don't know how to talk fancy.

Isn't that, yeah, because what's at the very inside? Dessert? A coffee spoon? Well, no, after dessert. A bell that says, to talk fancy. Yeah, because what's at the very inside? Dessert? A coffee spoon? A bell that says, I'm finished. Wow. Any other stunts? Shooting out of a cannon? Any stunt stunts?

Do you have an acting agent? Or like a weird... I have an agent. Do you have two agents? One for acting and one for... No, these kind of fall in my lap. Usually the PR people will call me or email me. Like, we heard that you do this.

Like, sure I do. We heard you are willing to do these type of things. Well, I guess I am. We've got one tuxedo left. Yeah. We've got ten Speedos, ten bathing caps. Is a tuxedo still a classy outfit? Because the only people who seem to wear them are...

Maestro Freshwear. Maestro Freshwear. Absolutely. He wears a black tuxedo. A black tuxedo. Black, black, black. Tuxedo. Oh my god.

Black tuxedo with a cummerbund. Black tuxedo with a cummerbund. And he... Butlers. And, like, grooms who are renting tuxedos. And also, like... You're talking about tails. Yeah. The serving staff at a fancy mansion party

would all be wearing tuxedos. I remember during the big Vancouver riot, I believe... Were a lot of people in tuxedos? There were... No. People... People broke into the tuxedos. There were, no. People broke into the tuxedo shop. Broke into the tuxedo rental store, which has the cheapest...

Yeah, that UBC student. Tuxedos. She stole size 42 tuxedo pants, and then she was questioned why. She was like, I don't know, I just got caught up in the moment. But people thought... I feel like people just see Tuxedo and they're like, Oh, this thing's worth $10,000. I'm going to sell it.

She stole size 42 Tuxedo. Something like that. Clearly not for her. None of the matching parts. And they were rentals for that weekend. That was the shitty part. You also ruined someone's wedding. Oh, wow. I'm sure they the shitty part. Those people got screwed over. You also ruined someone's wedding. Oh, wow.

I'm sure they figured it out. Or prom. Or graduation. It was June. Would a butler who is wearing a tuxedo, like a job tuxedo, when they go outside wear a top hat? Or do they have to be hatless when they go outside? What do you mean when they go outside?

Like working in the rain? Yeah, yeah. Like when they're walking from the house to the car to bring the car around. Well, let's refer to Downton Abbey. I don't think the help ever wears hats. Oh, okay. No, that's right. Because they're of a lower class.

The footmen, the valets. I wish that we could ask G's, but that's not around here. No, no. I thought you were going to ask if the butlers, like on their day off. No, no, I forget. Are they allowed to wear glasses or could they just wear a monocle? They're allowed to wear those glasses that balance on the nose, but no ear handles.

I think a monocle is too fancy. That's meant for like barons and dukes. Oh, okay. But one day a year, the butler staff is allowed to wear the monocles. Yes. Does the butler staff ever have, like, crazy tie day? Hmm.

Or pajama day? Like Friday, or, like, once a year? Once a year. Once a year. Yeah, it's like a high school. Shaped like a bottle of Coca-Cola. Oh, yeah, on Downton Abbey. Is there a casual Friday? Maybe. Because they don't really even have weekends.

I don't think they have other clothes. Yeah, that's it. They were all the time gussied up. They didn't have casuals. No, sometimes you see Bates in, like, a tweed suit hobbling around when he goes to town. Running track and field. Yeah. Tweed suit and cap.

That was a proper time cap is that coming back? is there another season coming? I believe so isn't what's her face Meredith Baxter Burney supposed to be on it? was she the mom from Family Ties? I'm thinking of Shirley MacLaine Shirley MacLaine is supposed to be on it really? she's not even British

no she's going to be on it really yeah she's not even british no she's gonna be the uh american dowager oh wow finally yeah meeting of worlds oh that america is gonna be so uh you know out of touch with high society it's gonna be hilarious she won america's next top dowager can't count us she's gonna be like where are your hot dogs it's gonna be great yeah i didn't come here to make friends uh dave what's going on with you oh boy well you guys um i had a uh a lovely uh encounter with uh a guy at my local shoe repair store a cobbler a cobbler there's um i've had uh a couple times in the last few months i've had to take shoes to uh the shoe repair place and there's a shoe repair place right next to my work and it's so convenient but the guy there uh isn't great like one time i brought my shoes in there

and he's like i don't have that kind of thread uh so i can i can fix it but it's gonna it's gonna look horrible it's gonna look horrible what if he's listening to this he's not and he's like, I don't have that kind of thread so I can fix it but it's going to look horrible. It's going to look horrible. What if he's listening to this? He's not. And he puts two and two together. He's listening to Cobbler Talk which is one of Vancouver's rival podcasts. That's Sean Cullen's podcast, isn't it? With click and clack. And he

and then one time I brought in a bag like a shoulder bag and one of the pieces of hardware had broken on it. And I asked him to fix it, and he was like, yeah, sure, here you go. Oh, by the way, I fixed it with plastic parts, so it's going to break again. So he's not a leathersmith. No, well, yeah, but that's something he can do. So he's just not good.

Yeah, and there's another one that's a few blocks away that I really should go to, but I... It's just so convenient to go to this close one. So today I went in, and I brought these two shoes, and they have... A pair? Or two pairs? Yeah, it's a pair.

It's a pair, sure, alright. Not two halves. And they have... Their insoles are coming out. They've come unglued from the inside of the shoe. That affects you? Well, they slip around inside there. And so it does. How does it affect your walk?

Do you have a funnier walk? It affects my gait. Yeah. So I brought these in to the... Does it affect your dressage? It affects my... I do Pilates in these shoes. They're like a moccasin.

So I brought in these shoes, and the insoles were slipping out, and I showed the guy, and he was like, Okay, here's some plastic parts. He said, All right, why don't you do this yourself? Here's some... Is he charging you for this? Here's some sandpaper. just sand out uh this old the old glue you got to sand out all the old glue and then uh uh here's some glue and it was a

package and he's like uh it'll be uh i asked him how much is this and he said oh it's like seven or eight bucks he doesn't even know making it up as he goes. Yeah. And yeah, you just glue this. And he gave me like 10 steps of instructions. So you've got to take this up. You've got to sand here. You've got to sand here. Do not go on Google. I repeat, do not look this up on Google.

I started sanding it, and it wasn't coming off. In the store? Yeah, just to check. And it wasn't coming off very easily. And it was going to be like, it's going to take me an hour to do it, at least. And then he's like, okay. And you put the glue around the edges here and then a little bit in the middle.

But don't let it dry. And then you put it in very carefully. You've got to put it in. You press down on the heel and then move your hand forward. And it was like step by step. This is invaluable. He's teaching you a trade

for seven or eight dollars um he's your mentor and uh so i mean i i ended up buying the glue but i think i'm just gonna take the stuff to the better to the better shoe repair and here's some glue yeah you can say take this off my. Here's some glue from your competitor. So you didn't try to talk him into doing it? Listen, I'll give you $15 if you do it. I don't know why it says shoe repair. It's not like shoe repair advisor.

Because at the end of it, you found out he was an improviser pretending to be a shoe repair guy. Got you. Got you. Got you. Got you. So you keep up. You got to keep up the ruse unless the guy actually pays for some glue.

And then in which case, just let him do it. Yeah, let him do it. We're working way over budget here by having you do this. But I figure I should have probably just walked out. Yeah, I would have just said no. Nope. But I figure I should have probably just walked out. Yeah, I would have just said, no, nope. Because I've gone to shoe places where they've kind of moaned about, like, you give them the shoe and they're like,

and I'm like, okay, I'll just take these away. I don't want to. Yeah, like the fact that you're even kind of trying to figure out how it will be fixed in your head, no good. Especially now that we live in a society where people will just throw out a shoe and buy an $8 shoe instead. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, like just... That's your reaction when people do that?

I don't automatically go, it's your job. Oh, really? I get mad when people refuse me service for what their job is for. Well, especially... And then I catch myself and go, sorry. Oh, I just... You just walk away.

But it's not a store where they do a thousand things. Exactly. It's not even a store. We do shoes. We do subs. We cut keys. Yeah, right. Oh, it's one of those we rent videos. We've got posters. We sell pornography to minors.

We've got reservation cigarettes everything you want yeah reservation only though do you have reservation oh man so yeah that's it shoe shoe uh tails yeah um did you get your shoes fixed no i bought I bought glue. Oh, this was just like... This was this afternoon. Oh, yikes. All right. This is fresh. The wounds are fresh. Yeah.

So I'm considering fixing my own shoe, but I know I'm going to end up getting glue all over the outside of the shoe. I'll do it for seven bucks. Yeah. Taz, and he'll be funny during it. He's going to do a whole improv thing. A whole bit. Yeah.

He'll be like, okay, tell me your name. Tell me what you do. Yeah. There's no business like that. Shoe business. Good stuff, guys. Really big. Mm-hmm.

All right. Now, Graham. Oh, yeah. What's going on with you, my friend? Are we friends? Yes, we're Fred Dave. Stop. Wow. 231? Yes, we're Fred Dave stock. Wow.

231? Yeah. We're good friends. I went to a Vancouver Whitecaps game. That's a soccer game. It is. On a football field. Yeah, on a football field.

Major League Soccer. Yeah. It's on an American-style football field. Canadian-style football field. Oh, yeah. Well, same, but longer? Yeah. Right. And wider. Who are they against? What hilarious name?

The Salt Lake or Real Salt Lake. What? What does that mean? I don't know. Real Madrid. It's a famous European soccer team and so the Salt Lake City team called themselves real salt lake that's terrible yeah uh have you ever been to a professional soccer game before uh i have

but in uh england so a professional soccer professional and like football the thing is is i mean people are they're as drunk at their soccer games as people get here at, like, hockey games or whatever. Like, it's that, which didn't seem to be the case at this soccer game at all. There didn't seem to be any real drunkenness. It's a very family-oriented thing. Yeah, like, we were, I took my friend's son to watch the game, and we were sitting next to a lady who had a newborn with her. So it was like that was the level of... You couldn't do that in Europe. No, no. friend's son to watch the game and we're sitting next to a lady who had a newborn with her so it was like that was the level of you couldn't do that in europe no no well you could but uh special

seats yeah the breastfeeding zone yeah um but everybody seemed to know uh chance and there was no like chance up on the jumbotron or we. Oh, we have Canadian soccer chants? No, but they're not. They're just singing songs with white caps inserted like it was like the song Just Can't Get Enough. Where did they learn it? I have no idea, because it was one end of the stadium. White caps, white caps,

go, white caps. There was no handouts? No, there was no handouts. There was nothing on the Jumbotron. There was nothing that like, now we're going to sing. You know, like at baseball games, they at least say, now we're going to sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame. Oh, yeah. Twitter feed, maybe? I don't know.

Tumblr? Play a Tumblr. Yeah. YouTube channel. Pin it. Pinterest. I went to a game in London. I went to go see Arsenal.

Oh, yeah. The cannons. Yeah. The Arsenal shooting devices. The canons. Yes, the waving flags. I still remember the two songs that they sang. One was, Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal's just a name over and over yeah

and the other one was like a conga line song about this soccer player named dennis bergkamp we love dennis bergkamp we love dennis bergkamp oh that's pretty simple yeah so they're not that different yeah these these ones i could well you couldn't understand what they were singing and uh and the boy that i brought he was like what are they singing and i didn't know what's happening why am i on a part of this yeah and then at one point they were passing this this huge flag moved from the very bottom up to the top and like i guess everybody was supposed to like hold it up are there handles no like it wasn't on our side it was on the far side and it was it said uh white caps pride of bc but uh the caps part kept folding over so it just said white pride of bc Oh boy

That was a very organized effort Yeah, everybody in D-Road Just don't put your hands up Do it for white pride That's a thing I'm assuming the people who have the flag in front of them Can't watch any of the game I always wonder how that's organized.

You see it on TV, yeah. Yeah, like, is there handles underneath where they're like, okay? No, I think it was the people around the edge had that job, and then everybody else is exactly just like, I guess I'm just touching the flag. You can commit so many crimes under that flag. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the flag passes and there's just all these murders. Anonymous zone.

Yeah, anything goes. It's like, it's like crowd surfing. I never really understand, like, I know it works, but I don't understand, like, how it's organized. Yeah, like,

What if someone doesn't agree? Nope. Because you do, have you ever done that? Like, been a part of somebody crowd surfing oh definitely because i have not i stay away from big crowds in front of a younger man yeah yeah no i didn't i was scared yeah i couldn't did you i'd done both i you really you went to all the

lullapalooza i went to yep lullapalooza's a through j um i know as a teenager i would go to concerts and i would crowd surf and then i um got kicked in the head No, as a teenager, I would go to concerts and I would crowd surf. And then I got kicked in the head enough as a regular crowd member that I realized, oh, it's not cool to crowd surf. Did you surf? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you get groped a lot?

I did not. How did you... Because I was a boy. But people don't just hit your dick by accident, like, oh, I'm helping you out. No. By accident. You have to get someone to lift you up They will hold out their hands In like a Come hither A little cradle there

Come hither cradle And you step into it Unspoken language You usually have a friend help you You just turn around and someone's like, huh? Sometimes like hey bro can you lift me like do i look like i can lift you how did the uh being let down after surfing it was a big letdown what did they just dump you no you usually they would push you forward and you would uh usually end up in that little area the big sweaty bouncer grabs you?

Yeah, between the stage and the bouncer, or the stage and the little fence there, and then the bouncers point you to where you get out. That's the worst job for the bouncer. Oh, here's another one. Grab them all sweaty and gross. Isn't that their only job, though, at a rock show? What else are they doing? Well, keep people from going on stage, I guess. And shootings, like the bodyguard.

Yeah, that's true. Keeping your Whitney Houston safe and whatnot. The bodyguard was almost called the bouncer. Yeah, exactly. It was a lot more of him slamming people's heads into a bowl. Checking IDs.

Wearing earplugs. Kevin Costner was so upset when Prince got shot. Prince got shot? No, I'm just trying to reimagine his background. Instead of Ronald Reagan getting shot. Oh, right. Or was it JFK and the bodyguard? Who got shot on his duty?

I think it must have been Reagan. It couldn't have been JFK. You're thinking of JFK with Kevin Costner. No, I'm thinking of the Clint Eastwood movie. They all blend together. In the line of fire. Same movie. Yeah, they are.

They're all the same movie. They all have a very romantic song. Only Clint Eastwood sings the romantic song to John Malkovich. With his plastic gun. Boy. Is that John Malkovich in that? Yeah, yeah., boy. Is that John Malkovich in there? Yeah, yeah. Good call.

He makes a gun out of pen parts. Oh. Like a shooting gun? Yeah. A shooting gun. Not a writing gun. Or a laser gun. Look at this gun I made out of pen parts.

It's mightier than the sword. Not a show gun, but a shooting gun. Oh, Lord. So, yeah. Go White Cops, go. Yeah, go White Pride. So, yeah. Go white cops go. Yeah. Go white pride. Go white pride.

White pride of BC. White pride of BC? Oh, should we move on to some overheards? Please do. Oh, yeah. Overheard. Overheards. Things out on the street and out in the world that you, a person with ears.

Graham. Yeah? Oh, did I interrupt? No. Okay. Go ahead. I hate to interrupt. Oh, no. Oh, did I interrupt? No. Okay. Go ahead. I hate to interrupt. Oh, no, please.

How very rude of me. Before we move on to overheards, it's also time for my favorite segment on the show. It's a new segment. A new segment that I've come up with. Oh, really? A brand new segment. This is exciting. Yeah.

Guys, are you ready for this segment? Premiere. This is a new segment called Peen Pics with Dave. It's a Peen Pics with Dave. It's Peen Pics with Dave. It's looking at peens with my friend Dave. He is looking at peens with me. It is Peen Pics with Dave.

Peen Pics with Dave is a new segment we have on the show where I show our guests some peen pics. No! I don't want to be part of this segment. What does that mean? Dick pics? Pics of peens. And we gauge their reactions. Check out this guy.

Oh, Jesus! Is that a big dick? Is this really a new segment? Is that Kanye West? Or did you just have that on your phone? Are these celebrities? Are we supposed to guess? Ted Danson.

Ted Danson. This has been Pain Picks with Dave. It was Ted Danson. Now it's time for another new segment on the show. This is a segment called Butt Wise. Butt Wise. This is

Butt Wise. You get the wisdom in the butt, you get the butt wise. Now this is a new segment. Show us a picture of a butt? No, come on. Show us a picture of Ted Dance's butt. This is a segment where we talk about butt issues. Issues surrounding one's butt.

And this is just by participating in this segment, you gain your butt-wise certification. Oh, really? Yeah. And then can I, so I can finally apply to curves? Yeah. I can work with any curves.

Like butt disease and stuff like that? Sure. Like, it's not like a... This is anonymous, right? Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. Okay, cool.

So, butts, great. Great. I like big ones and small ones. Can't lie about it. I don't have a butt. Cool So butts Great I like big ones and small ones Can't lie about it I don't have a butt Are you like Straight up and down Oh like a plank on your back So you have trouble wearing a belt

It throws off my gravity No I have hips They don't lie Absolutely they don't lie This His hips have died. Absolutely, they don't lie. Teach you to it. This has been Butt-Wire. That's a great segment. Well, it's time for my new favorite segment

on the show. This is a new segment called the Pibble Bibble. Pibble Bibble, it's the Pibble Bibble. We got the Bibble made of Pibbles. It's the Pibble Bibble. Did you write these down? These are written down somewhere? Pibble Bibble, Did you write these down? These are written down somewhere? Pibble Bibble, as you can probably gather from the name, is a segment where we talk about the Bible or the Bibble.

If it only, instead of people, it involved Pibbles. Pitbulls. Ah. So. The singer. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sure.

Multiple incarnations of Pitbull. He's in Alaska right now. So, no, he's left Alaska. With Flo Rida? No, no, I think he decided to stay. Like, a la Northern Exposure. He went there for a one-time gig and has decided to be their resident pop star. Didn't they sign a petition to get him up there?

Yeah, he went. He had to. He had no choice. With or without Flo Rida? Without. Oh, Flo Rida doesn't go, he went. He had to. He had no choice. With or without Flo Rida? Without. Yeah, oh, Flo Rida doesn't go north of Florida. That's true. That's part of his whole thing, he does.

He's got this... Blow my whistle, babe. He wrote that Panhandle Limitation song. So this has been Pibbleville. Oh, good. We really sunk our teeth into that. That was good. Graham, that's all the segments for this week.

Oh, there's no... Well, last week we've been doing these two segments. Oh, do you think that because they collided that that's officially kind of the end of it? I assumed that that was... Because we do celebrity birthdays and we do Hulk Hogan news. And then the two kind of crossed streams. It was Hulk Hogan's birthday. So I guess that's it then.

Yeah, no more Hulk Hogan news. Ah, I guess. I am unaffected by this. Yeah, Taz, I'm a little affected by it. Can I give you a Hulk Hogan fact? I mean, while we're here. I mean, I got some celebrity birthdays. Oh, do you?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, great! Those past segments weren't real, right? Pibble Bibble? No, Pibble Bibble. You haven't listened to the podcast for a long time. We didn't talk much about the Bibble part. We, right? Pibble Bibble? No, Pibble Bibble. You haven't listened to the podcast for a long time. We didn't really talk much about the Bibble part. We talked mostly about Pibble.

Yeah. Well, you know, you have to go with what's in the news. Yeah. We are talking about the celebrity birthdays for the 21st of August. Yes. It's a Pibble Bibble. Now, these celebrity birthdays aren't just celebrity

birthdays. They are celebrity blurt days. Okay. This was a... Like Paul Blart? Blurt. Oh, okay. This was a suggestion on the Maximum Fun forums. Jay Sethma suggested celebrity blurt days.

I will tell you the celebrity and you will blurt out the first word that comes to your mind. Oh, this is fun. At the same time? Sure. Whatever. What are the rules? Oh, yeah. I guess it's not really blurting if we count it down, but I think that works best. So I'll give you the name and I'll count 3, 2,

1 and then you guys have to blurt out the first name that comes, or the first word that comes to your mind. At the same time. Yes time Hayden Panettiere 3, 2, 1 What did you say? I said black, but she's not Did you say boobs? Yeah, I saw a picture of her boobs on the internet

She's getting out of the water She's 23 today Phew Wait for the 3, 2, 1 countdown Good blurts It's on a blurt then Let's just do blurts Okay, just blurts

Okay, next one Usain Bolt Fast Yes I was just copying you I was like, who He's good at improv I was like who's that guy He turns 26 today

Happy 31st birthday to The Winklevoss twins Facebook Damn Why Jim Winklevoss He gets Winklevoss and Smuckers mixed up I was trying to think of Arm and Hammer

Armie Hammer Is the guy who played him And then I thought, I couldn't remember that And I thought to the back of my fridge And there's jam in the back of my fridge Where baking soda should be It did have a meaning Okay, turning 46 years old

System of a Down lead singer Serge Tankian Mosh Okay, one more time both of you Mosh Turning 46 years old. System of a Downbeat Singer, Serge Tankian. Mosh. Auntie. Okay, one more time, both of you. Mosh. Auntie.

Mosh and Auntie. He's against everything, right? Yep, whatever it is, he's against it. Carrie Ann Moss. Yeah. You said the Princess Bride, and you said Yar? You look at Yar. yar i think it was more in response i don't know who that is so it was more in response to you saying princess bride and i was doing a pirate she plays um uh madison in the matrix yeah i was thinking of carrie she's canadian i should know that oh Oh, you're famous.

Canadian actress turning 56 today, Kim Cattrall. Ooh, sexy. Sex and the city. Sexy and the city, okay. Pretty good. And finally, the answer to this week's celebrity blurt day trivia question. This country singer had the number one song the day I was born. Kenny Rogers.

Travis Tritt. Wait, was I answering a question? No, you were supposed to have blurted something else. I got confused because you answered the question. And I thought I was supposed to answer the question. Unblinking country singer Kenny Rogers turned 74 today. The song the day Day I Was Born,

the number one song? You took a fine time to leave me, Lucille. Lady. It's called Lady. Know When to Hold a Lady. It's about knowing when to hold a lady. And when to fall away.

Know When to Walk Away, but mostly fall. Yeah, it's a song about Pilates. He worked as a physiotherapist for a while. No one to walk away, no one to run. Exactly. Yeah, Kenny Rogers. All physio. So this has been Celebrity Martinet.

It's a bibble bibble. A bibble bibble. A bibble bibble. A bibble bibble. A wobble bibble-bibble, a-bibble-bibble, a-bibble-bibble, a-bibble-bibble, a-bibble-bibble, a-bibble-bibble. Blow my whistle, baby. Now I'm confused. Do I...

Do Hulk Hogan think... I mean, do what you want. Live your life. You're right. I gotta live my life. A lot of rules on this show. Yeah, it's true. But it's fluid.

And that's the great thing about Bibble Bibble. And, uh... That was still Bibble Bibble? Yeah. Wait a second. Everything from now on in is people yeah okay um but wise and peen pics with dave there's not really any hulk hogan news that's the thing his wife is in a music video where she shows her very orange ass this would have been great for

butt wise that's true oh man oh yeah um It's a music video called MILF And photos were just released via TMZ Now it's a music video for a song called MILF By whom? I can't remember his name It's something Romeo Okay Lil Romeo?

No not Lil Romeo He just goes by Romeo now Pibble Romeo? Yeah Yeah He's like a pitbull that has hair and a hat. Is he a rapper? Alfa Romeo?

I think so. Yeah. Is that a thing? It's a car. And it's Romeo. Anyway, so she's doing that. We wish her the best of luck. Hulk Hogan is still recovering in hospital from bone spurs or something.

Yeah, yeah. He's had major surgeries, a birthday in the last couple weeks. Do you think they listen to the show? No. The Hogans. Yeah, yeah. He's had major surgeries. Birthday in the last couple weeks. Do you think they listen to the show? No. The Hogans? Yeah, Brooke does. The Hogan family, the TV show does. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Jason Bateman. Jason Bateman? Yeah. Sandy Duncan. Sandy Duncan. Oh, wow. But not Valerie Harper.

Oh, I missed that show. Remember when their house burned down? And Roman from Days of Our Lives. Oh, wow. I just. Remember when their house burned down? And Roman from Days of Our Lives. Oh, wow. I just remember on the opening sequence, Jason Bateman pretends to drink a mustard, and everybody laughs. I'm laughing thinking about it.

It's the only opening sequence filmed in front of a live studio. And then everything else was filmed on location Yeah, it was the first ever Mockumentary TV show Oh lordy Over? What was I going to say about the Hogans? Oh, I don't know

Do you remember when their house burnt down? The very special episode That's all I remember I remember their kitchen very well Oh yeah That was the one sitcom that took place partially in a kitchen. Sandy wasn't their mom, right? No, Valerie Harper was their mother.

She got harpooned by a wayward Inuit. Really? Yeah. It was the only show where you get killed by something regarding your last name. So Jason Bateman masturbated to death. With a man in the room. And Sandy Duncan. And Sandy Duncan.

Died in a dunk tank. In a dunk tank. Shot in a Dunkin' Donuts. Oh, Lord. Well, who was the dad on that? It was the guy, I think he's from Days of Our Lives. Oh, okay, that was the old, okay. Yeah, when Valerie Harper left, they just called it, they called it Valerie's family, and she wouldn't stand for that, so they changed it to the Hogan family.

Oh, who wouldn't stand for it? Sandy Duncan? Yeah, no, no, Valerie Harper. Oh, because she had left. Yeah. Ah, contracts. no valerie harper oh because she had left yeah ah contracts oh i think what i wanted to mention was um uh a listener wrote uh or drew a picture of you celebrating hulk hogan's birthday yeah oh i saw that ian gallant uh sent yeah drew a picture of me and hulk hogan celebrating his 59th birthday yeah uh with a miss elizabeth cake and uh sign in the background that said home is where the

hulk is and that guy has a terrifying Facebook photo. Oh, the guy who drew it? Yeah, with the big neck sinew. He's got a sinewy neck. But he's doing it on purpose. Fine. Yeah, that's what Facebook photos are for. Grossing

people out. Time to move on to overheards. Taz, I believe you have an overheard for us. Yes, I do. This happened a while ago, but I haven't been on this show for some time. I think this happened over a year ago, and I was on a beeline. An express bus. Which, for those of you that don't know, it's an express bus that you don't

have to pay for. Because you get on the back doors. And it's so crowded that no one will notice. Exactly. And I got on, it was really crowded, and there was these two sort of younger Asian girls, and they were wearing, they were in like

school uniforms. Which none of this really, well, it does kind of pertain. And they were wearing school uniforms. Which none of this really... Well, it does kind of pertain. And they got together and they were sharing a seat because it was so busy. And they sort of sat down and they shared the seat. And then they looked at each other and they went, No homo! And they started giggling.

And it was adorable and horrifying all at the same time. Yeah, what's the uh did i tell you about the guy that bought me the drink after the show at the havana no and kept saying no homo and i was like hmm thou doth protest too much like he bought me a drink and to a nunnery i don't know what words mean is this a dagger I see before me? But if you do something like you hold the door open for a guy and then insist like, hey, it's no, hey, I wasn't doing this because I find that sexually attractive. That's your out, as coined by Jules Santana of the Dipset crew. Did Jules Santana, is he the inventor of no homo?

I believe so. Oh, wow. According to the internet. I like that you did some research on this well done who invented yolo uh some might say drake but i doubt it oh yeah oh is uh come on down my yolo soba dobo dobo you know that that rap song that goes like that absolutely i know those lyrics and but only those lyrics yeah the ones you said every Every day, every day. Yellow. Let's hear it for Drake, everybody.

He's doing fine. He's doing better than Jay-Z. Oh, really? What? Wait, does he have the hottest chick in the game wearing his chain now? I don't think he does. Maybe not. So Jay-Z's still number one. He has higher billboard ratings, though. Oh, billboard. Overall. Would you even watch the billboard awards if it was the only thing? I didn't know they were a thing aha so there you go they mean nothing garbage awards for

garbage people uh day garbage do you have it over um barely um i was in a uh a grocery store the other day and uh as i was leaving there was like a group of teenagers sort of crowded around. Boy teenagers. Adolescents. Tweens. Teenagers. But they were teens. They were not tween.

Beans. One of them, the ringleader, got off his phone and he was breaking the news to his friends, and he said, Oh, man, the reason is his thing keeps breaking down. His, what do you call it? Car or whatever.

I'm looking for the right word. Stagecoach. No. Car. Or whatever. It's like a train, but not on tracks. It's like a horseless carry. It's like his own legs, but faster. Sometimes you forget words.

Yeah, it's true. And when that happens, you really just feel like a bag of shit. Oh, man. And you're like, give me a... And you've got a coat and you're motioning at the closet. Give me a coat hanger. Thank you. I remember once I couldn't remember a container.

And I was like, I know it's... Canator? Is it canator? Give me a... Receptacle? Canator? It's not canator, is it? I was watching...

You forgot the lettering. I was briefly dyslexic. Reverse dyslexic. I could read it, but I couldn't process it. Have you ever had that, where words just fall out of your head? Oh, yeah. All the time. It terrifies me, because that's what I do for a living.

Yeah, that's true. Instant recall of things. What would happen if you, like, is that a thing? Is that a thing that can happen to somebody where they forget? Like, they can't connect the name of a thing to what the thing is? Yeah, I'm sure there's a radio lab about it. That was in Memento. Yeah, right? Where somebody would, like, you'd show them a picture of a cow and they'd be like I know what it is. They're like, I know what it is, but I don't know.

I know I know the word. You're going to tell it to me and I'm not going to be that impressed. I was practicing my kissing with one of its tongues. Yeah. Hey. Hey. Grail. Do you have an overheard i do um mine uh came courtesy this is this will

be the last of my uh olympic overheard oh wow um but this was coverage where i feel like uh i feel like during an olympics or anything that goes on and on and on for hours, the commentators just have to keep talking. And so they're just trying to think of things to say about this one thing that they've been watching. And at one point, this woman was talking about Michael Phelps, and they've been talking about Michael Phelps all day. And at one point, she said, well, Michael Phelps is physiologically just like a fish. Literally. Literally. Physiologically. If she hadn't said physiologically, nobody would have ever thought anything like that.

He's got scaly skin. He's got gills. He processes water as oxygen. He lays eggs. He can't scaly skin. He's got gills. He processes water as oxygen. He lays eggs. He can't resist a worm. He's very quick to fillet. You can take his guts all out in one swipe of your knife. I'm going to miss that guy.

Is he going to be back in the next Olympics? Don't they shoot him? He said he was retiring. Yeah, don't they shoot him? Take him out behind the swimming bar. No, he's going to stud for a while. Or he becomes a coach. He's going to make some future. He's going to lay some eggs.

He's going to swim upstream. It's what his physiology demands. Physiologically. Now, in addition to overheards that we may have heard or seen, uh, you may also have some and want to send them our way.

You can send them to stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Bibble, bibble, uh, hibble, bibble.org. Um, this first one comes from Jeremy in Greenfield,

MA. Is that Maine? Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Here's an overseen. I experienced, he attached a picture. It's the side of a box for a drug test, and it has some of the supposed street names of popular drugs.

My two favorites are Nose Nachos for cocaine, and Disco Biscos for cocaine. Okay. And Disco Biscuits for ecstasy. And, yeah, there's a whole list of them. I feel like I've heard Disco Biscuits before. I've heard Disco Biscuits. But Nose Nachos is not a thing. Also, the one that I flagged that I had never heard of for cocaine was Racehorse Charlie.

Is that something? That's pretty fun. I've heard Charlie. Yeah. And horse, but for heroin. Yeah. Racehorse Charlie. Is that something? I've heard Charlie. Horse, but for heroin. Racehorse Charlie. That seems like something like a really old guy who's still into cocaine. What are the other ones?

Would there be things we've heard before? Yeah, they're all fairly... Like crunk nuggets. Space magnets. Pibble bibble Butt wise All things that you would have called them In your drug buying

Crowd surfing days A ranger's scarf What's a ranger's scarf? Oh really? Wow see This next one comes from Alex Parts Unknown. Don't know where Alex is from.

Spelled the traditional way. Alex with an M at the end of his name. Alex M. Context. This is an overheard. I am in a movie theater. Working behind the counter is a young woman with a young man. Woman is tall, white, brunette, with a long ponytail, all around well-groomed.

Man is tall, white with long black hair and large beard, all around gross and unkempt. I have just received my ticket from the young woman. She wishes me a good day. Immediately after this, right in front of me and in front of several other bystanders, the young man walks up to her and this interaction occurs. Man, hey, can I feel your ponytail? Woman, gross. I was wondering why there was so much set up and now it totally makes sense.

Yeah, it really paid off. You drew a picture for me. Yeah. Thanks for asking permission. Yeah, it really paid off. You drew a picture for me. Thanks for asking permission. Yeah, exactly. It is a gentleman's way before you feel a lady, a stranger's hair. If you took a job right now working in a movie theater

and on your name tag it said your favorite movie, what would it say? Ooh. Whatever the new Spider-Man is. what would it say? Ooh. Huh. Whatever the new Spider-Man is. Spider-Man? New Spider-Man. Newest Spider-Man.

What would yours say? That thing you do. Goonies. Probably Goonies. I haven't seen it. You've never seen Goonies? I've never seen Goonies. Oh, now I'm that guy who just said that.

I know, but it's too late for me. You've never seen Goonies? I've never seen Goonies. Oh, now I'm that guy who just said that. I know, but it's too late. You've never seen Goonies? It's too late for me. It is too late. What am I going to like? Goonies? What am I going to be, a 31-year-old liking Goonies? Did you like Super 8?

I liked the first half hour, maybe. Then you walked out? No, I just didn't like the rest of it. Oh, I see. Why would I walk out of a movie I like? The first half hour is like Goonies. It's true. And then it became its own movie.

But the first half hour is very Goonies to me. It was very Goonies. It reminded me of it. Sort of that whole feeling of kids still swearing and being inappropriate. Do you think you'll ever see it? I do like swearing kids. Goonies? Yeah.

No. There's this scene in it. This was like something from the DVD. Do you want me to give you the entire plot of the movie? Yeah. No. There's this scene in it. This was like something from the DVD. Do you want me to give you the entire plot of the movie? No, no. Just... Based on having never seen it? Oh, yeah.

That's kind of fun. I'm interested. Okay. Goonies are a family... The Goonie family. Yeah. They're a family of kids. And they get together for adventure.

Yeah. Young... Corey. Yeah. Young Corey Feldman wears glasses. Nope. Oh, that's Stand By Me.

I was thinking you were just going to recap Stand By Me. Jerry O'Connell's kind of chubby. Jerry O'Connell does the truffle shuffle. Oh, you know

the truffle shuffle. How could you not? Then they meet... There's a scary old lady, Boo Radley. Yeah. She's a trap for murder. Played by Jon Voight. Yep.

Then Trolley... Eric Stoltenmask comes out. Yeah, yeah. And does some more truffle shuffles. Then... David Bowie... Yeah, yeah. And does some more truffle shuffles. Then David Bowie is wearing some kind of labyrinth-like outfit. I haven't seen that either. And long story short. Oh, is Short Round in it?

Yeah. Yeah, Short Round's involved. Absolutely. And they probably make some Chinaman jokes. Yeah, there's racist jokes. There's racist jokes in it. And some homophobic stuff. And I think it was all just a big misunderstanding.

That's about right. I don't want to spoil it for anyone. No, neither do I, but there is a scene in it. That's a new segment, by the way, I think. Find a movie that you haven't seen. Try and figure out what it is. I like that. Yeah, I could do that for most movies.

For most movies. I haven't seen a lot of movies, but I can tell you the spoiler twist to most of them. I've never seen Purple Rain. Me neither. But I know he leaves her in a swimming pool. I know he battles Morris Day as his nemesis. Oh. That's about it.

And the time. What else do you need? There's also guitar playing sequences. That's great. There's, on the DVD or whatever, there's a scene where the kids land in a... The Goonies. The Goonies. The Goonie family land in water, and they come up and they see a ship.

And Steven Spielberg kept them away from the set. They never saw the set until the day they were actually filming that, because he wanted to get their authentic reactions. Their pure imagination. So they jumped into the water, and then they all came up and saw the ship for the first time and he was filming it and all the kids when they came up were all like holy fuck oh shit and like just completely unwitting and that's on the dvd them swearing that's great uh recommend because they swear in the movie Yeah but they don't F-bomb

They S-bomb Well they F-bomb but not the F The other F Fart They fart bomb This final overheard comes from Phil B Now Phil is writing with an

International overheard. I was recently at Phillip Island in Victoria, Australia. Phillip Island is a holiday spot where people come from all over the world to watch penguins walk up at the beach and find their nests. At one location overlooking a very picturesque bay at sunset, I overheard a conversation between two Chinese gentlemen. They were leaning in on a fence, silently drinking in the views, as I approached. As I passed one of them, one of them turned to

the other and said to his companion, I don't like white people. After a long pause, his friend replied, Me neither. Let's go home. Yet they were speaking home. Yet they were speaking English. Apparently they were speaking Mandarin.

That was in parentheses. That makes more sense. Not that I'm angry. Speak your own language if you don't like us. That's why they don't like us. I don't like a lot of white people either. No, but that's a fair 60%?

That's a fair solution, right? Let's just go home I don't like these people Little did they know, penguins aren't white people Yeah, what didn't they like about those penguins? The white half Yeah, the middle portion The round belly

The dress shirt part. Yeah. Speaking of butlers. Right? Now, in addition to overheards that have been written in, we also accept the telephone kind. If you're the telephone kind, call us at 206-339-8328. Pick up the phone. I'm all alone.

Hey, Dave, Graham, and guest. Hey, guest. Really like what you did recently. It was super good. I totally bought it. Anyway, so this isn't overheard. I was just at a grocery store here in Reno, Nevada, in the United States of America. And as you know, all our children here are fat in America. All of them. There's no exception.

And there was a kid standing at a donut case, a chubby kid, and he just with his face pressed against the glass of the donut case and said, Oh, you just wait. You just wait. It's a nation of truffle shufflers. Little Jerry O'Connells. Sounds like he knew what he was doing. Yeah. Like he knew he had an audience.

Oh, yeah. He was mimicking something his dad did once. Like, my dad does a joke, I do a joke. That's all kids do. Yeah, they just mimic things. Do you ever talk to your food before you eat it? Some people do that.

That's a thing I've, past guest Jane Stanton, I've seen her do that multiple times. Like what? Like in private? Well, not as, if I've seen it,

it's not in private. But like, to entertain you? I guess. Or it's just like, I'm gonna eat the shit out of you. Like you're eating something like a burrito.

I have to be really hungry. Yeah, I don't know if I talk to my food. People do. I'm pretty sure there's people out there that talk to their food. They make like threats, like that kid's doing. Like, I'm gonna eat you. You're comfy airplane. Yeah, it's like a sex thing, but with food. Eat the shit out of you.

Yeah, I'm cheating on some other food with you. I love you. I'm going to leave that other food for you. Yeah. I'm going to kill that other food for you so we can be together. Yeah. Exactly. I'm going to kill those vegetables so that I can live with you forever, fried chicken.

Yeah. I talk to nose nachos. Yeah, absolutely. That's different. That one really confuses me. me well because it's something that you can share uncomfortable putting a taco chip in your nose is very uncomfortable do you put cheese on it like the whole thing like not just you can enjoy by yourself cocaine i'm assuming or by itself i'm assuming you can enjoy cocaine by itself you don't need i mean you need a lot of cheddar to make it happen. I know you do.

I've eaten nachos by myself, but not by itself. I always need like a salsa or cheese. Squacco, moly. But nachos are good for sharing. Just like cocaine. It's good to get friends together in the bathroom stall. And eat a bunch of nachos.

Have a Goonies worth. On the back of a toilet. Good Coke talk. Do you guys know what a Superball is? Lotto? No, a bouncy little rubber ball. Oh, yeah, solid rubber ball. I have one at home right now.

That's what he's doing after the show. Floor ceiling, floor ceiling, floor ceiling. Wall ceiling, floor, floor, floor. Just so you know, this phone call involves a Super Bowl. Hey, Dave Graham, probable guest. This is Colin from

Overland Park, Kansas. I got a combination overseen for you. I was walking out of Walmart this evening with my girlfriend, and there was a woman there with her small child, and she was getting something out of the vending machines in the front, and I walked by, and I heard her go, Oh, shit, it's not a Superball.

And it turned out that the vending machine had gumballs in it, not bouncy balls. But she decided to then wave it in front of the face of her child and then throw it on the ground as if it were a bouncy ball anyway. And I guess expected it to bounce, but instead it just shattered into a million pieces. Wow. A lesson hard learned. She knew. She knew it wasn't a bouncy ball. But I think she was doing a service if the gum shattered.

Yeah, exactly. That's not good gum to eat. Yeah, that's some old... You don't want shattery gum. No, what she wanted was a bouncy ball. Yeah, a Super Bowl. battery gum no she well what she wanted was a bouncy ball yeah a super ball but what it was the point of her doing that was it to just show kids that sometimes things just i don't know who wanted it more what when you when you were a kid what was the toy that you would say you bought the

most from those machines no just in general like on those machines? I don't know. Slime. Slime? And I would combine it and get a bunch of them and put it into the whole container until it was overflowing. And it was brown. Because I would combine pink and purple and green and yellow. Yeah, when she said Super Bowl, it just reminded me that I probably had a thousand Super Bowls that I just lost. Oh, yeah. I mean, those things, they're born to be lost. We call them Little Round Bouncy Balls.

That's true. Yeah, we call them bouncy balls. I think we just call them a rubber ball. I also remember I used to, at the candy store, they would sell, the only non-candy things that they would sell were like hockey cards and baseball cards and these little gliders. Oh, gliders. That were style and you put the you would put the wings in the middle part yeah world war ii and you put a there's this weighted um a plastic bit with a propeller in some of them did loops some of them uh spun oh i all did different things mostly it would just go up and then go straight yeah yeah and break yeah because they were made of styrofoam. You could adjust them, though.

They were big at my school. Tomcat, B-52 bomber. Well, you're a big fan of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. And the B-52s. Oh, man. Tin roof. I owned a lot of whoopee cushions. Rusted.

As a youth. I don't know why they would lose them. I think I would put them somewhere and then I would forget that it was there and it would... I think they would leak. There was some sort of leak in them eventually. Oh, yeah. And then they would just be in somebody's couch somewhere. There may be still some that never went off.

They're like mines. Plenty of drinks. Yeah, sure. They're in the demilitarized couch. They're like mines. Yeah, sure. They're in the demilitarized couch. They're still loaded. Yeah, they're still... Oh, man. I feel bad that I could have set one up and then never...

At this point, if they go off, it would smell like fart. It would be stale, stale air. It would smell of breath. Oh, man. If you blow into a whoopee cushion and die, then that whoopee cushion lives on. Oh, yeah, that's true.

That's a good way to, like... Wait, what's your reasoning? That your breath is your life? Well, I mean, it's part of you. It's like... I guess. That'd be a funny thing to do at a funeral. Can you get DNA out of breath?

Yeah, that would be a funny thing to do in a funeral yeah that would be a funny thing to do at a funeral you know when everybody like you may now be seated everybody sits down kiss the bride and it's like i was hit this dude who's dead that was the last of it in front of a fan he asked for this it's his final wish. And finally... Hey, guys, it's Jay from Middle Tennessee with an overheard slash overseen. I was downtown near a local watering hole, and there was a rather well-endowed young lady walking towards me who was wearing a tight T-shirt that said, Mean people suck.

There was a gentleman outside the bar who was apparently drunk and read her shirt and said, man, I hope you're mean people. In response, the large gentleman behind the young lady, who I can only imagine was her boyfriend, punched him in the junk.

Ha ha ha! Ah! Wow! That story ended perfectly. That's like the opening scene of a movie or something. Like, these are the tough streets. Yeah. Just a panning shot.

Yeah. I love that when he said she was well endowed, you guys both pointed to your crotches. Little did we know that we were foreshadowing the ending of that story we punched a guy in a dick and not in a dick his dick not in a dick he punched me in a dick maybe he was just upset he called his girlfriend mean yeah maybe he didn't understand maybe he just doesn't want anybody she's very She's very nice I hope she isn't mean For my sake And my future kids' sake

Oh lord So we're at the end of the show We've come this far Taz, if people want to find you online There's multiple things you're doing As I stated off the top A podcast A weekly wonderful improv show yeah every sunday sunday service at the cosmic zoo that's right

formerly the hennessy uh and that's 9 p.m every sunday in vancouver great show uh they've changed the sign out front it actually says cosmic zoo yeah k-o-z-m-i backwards k zoo uh you have a beautiful podcast uh yeah that's uh on itunes uh the sunday service presents a beautiful podcast i have a twitter okay that's at taz van rassel what's the spelling on that let's get a spelling on rassel it'll probably be on the yeah yeah it's the name on that? Let's get a spelling on Rassel. It'll probably be on the thing. Yeah, yeah. It's the name that's on your iPod right now. Yeah. Good call. And besides that, I got a monthly show with Ryan Beal, kind of going back to our roots, called The Indulgence,

which is just a two-man improv show. When did you stray from your improv roots? Well, just back to the roots of me and Ryan Just doing Two Man together Which we haven't done in a while Together again Sort of more indulgent, long form Where does that happen? That's at the Havana once a month

On Mondays You can go to eastvancomedy.com That's correct Which you're on as well I am on that Once a month, I august whatever the last monday in the 27th of august yes yeah there's a laugh gallery show hosted by graham clark at the havana on commercial drive in vancouver that ain't wrong uh and uh dave do we have anything we got

oh well we do we could go ahead and plug our show in calgary calgary alberta the yyc comedy yeah the yyc comedy festival it is uh that'll happen that's in september go to yycomedy.ca for information on that we are also appearing at the oleo festival doing a a live podcast but the yY Comedy was also a live podcast. Yes! This is a live podcast at the Oleo Festival in Vancouver on September 21st? Yes, at the Electric Owl. We're doing a show

at the Oleo on September 21st at the Biltmore. Oh, well, I mean, which one sounds more electric to you? It's a real Rosemary's Baby. Sophie's Choice. Just go a couple Rosemary's Baby. Sophie's Choice. Just go a couple blocks up Main Street. Kramer vs. Kramer. They're ten minutes away from each other. If you have a pass, you can see both.

And also MaxFunCon. Yes, in October. MaxFunCon East in October. Go to MaxFunCon.com for that. Oh, Oleofestival.ca? No. Com? .com?

Let's say.com. Yeah. It's going to be great. com? Let's say dot com. Yeah. It's going to be great. It's going to be a lot of fun. All of these shows are going to be great. In Toronto? Yeah. Yeah, that'll be sold out by then.

Yeah, I think we're already... We'll be in Toronto. Oh, yeah. What venue are you guys at? We're in the same one as you. I believe we were right after your show in Comedy Bar on the main stage. So if you're at their show on the

28th or 24th at Comedy Bar, then stick around and watch our show. We're kind of like an opening act. We're the Mumford & Sons to your whoever Mumford & Sons would open for us. And if you want,

go over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recaps that Dave puts up each and every week. Photos and videos relating to content of the podcast. Yeah, sure. The truffle shuffle. It's going to be on it. Yeah, absolutely. The picture of all the drug descriptions.

Oh, yes, please. I'll give you a picture of me as a butler. Fine. You don't even want it. I'm not making money off it. Off of the picture? No. You act like I'm making money.

Fine. I'm not pushing anything. You're going to forget to send it to me. I'll send it to you. On Sunday night, it's going to be a big panic as I put together the blog. Monday night. Check it out. Maximumfun.org I'll send it to you. On Sunday night, it's going to be a big panic as I put together the blog. Monday night. Whatever. I forget my life.

But check it out. Check it out at MaximumFun.org and all the other shows that are there. Tons of wonderful entertainment. You've got the bullseye. You've got the Jordan Jessica. The Memory Palace. You've got...

Throwing Shade. Yes, that's one. My Brother, My Brother. Judge John Hodgman. Corn Eucopia. A Horn of plenty Of comedy Ranger scarf

Maximumfun.org Let's wrap up the show Thank you for listening If you liked the show Tell your friends And come on back next week For another episode To start podcasting yourself Thank you.