Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 236 - Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: September 25, 2012

Comedian Kyle Kinane returns to talk cheese steaks, wooden teeth, and Burning Man.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 236 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is the, probably the best pie maker I know, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, we've got a pie. It's cooling on the, uh, uh, uh, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Windowsill.

Yes. Cooling on the air conditioning unit. You moved your hands like it was the ground. Just put a pie on the ground. It's cooling in Grandpa's bed. The dog's eating. Yeah. So we're going to enjoy that at some point during the show.

Maybe during the intermission. Maybe at the end. We'll see how we're feeling. Absolutely. And our guest today, returning guest and longtime favorite of the show, a gentleman who's in town one night only, like the rock stars do. One night only, and then on to the next romance. Mr. Kyle Kinane is our guest. How's it going, boys?

Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming back. One night, and then on to the next topographical liaison yeah right like in that bob seger song yes topographical liaison oh let's get to know us get to know us so uh we were just we we went and had a lunch, and we were talking about you're a traveling man. You're working all over the place. I'm in the world.

Yeah. I'm in the skies. I'm on the streets. Do you have a lot of airplane humor? Oh, so much, guys. Guys, so much. I mean, I've observed a lot of things. I call it observational humor because it comes from me observing these things.

Oh, boy. That was a real old-time kind of Jay Leno setup. So I hear you right at pains. Or Byron Allen. Yeah, exactly. Interesting. So, Dave, you have a dog. Great.

Go. Hilarious. What's your take on laundry soap? And that's why you have a hole in your closet. Why am I on TV? So what's new? What's shaking? Oh, man.

Non-stop. Non-stop business. No? Non-stop touring the earth to make comedy jokes. It is weird. It's funny when you see comedians. Somebody else made the observation. You see them like, oh, it's not the hack airplane here where everybody's talking about being in a hotel

or being in an airport. It's like, oh, somebody just went on the road full time. And that's all you know anymore. So it's like, yeah, all my jokes. I need to go just live my life yeah i need some time you get i'm totally thankful that i get to do this because i thought what was it was a little while ago that i was here yeah and i was probably just getting underway yeah and now you've been living the road like do you like you've obviously you've amassed a lot of

material about the hotels and whatever, but, like, how do you live your life? How do you live your life, Kyle? Yeah. How do you live with yourself? I don't do it. It's got deep real right away. Got real, just cutting right away.

I don't know. It's been kind of maniac lately. I always welcome losing my mind a little bit. Really? I feel that's good for you. So what is that? Let it go run around out there. Sure.

Isn't that right? Lose your mind, and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be? Isn't that how that phrase goes? And if it doesn't, you're drilling in some alley somewhere. Hey, you found bliss one way or another. You found happiness. What do you mean you lose your mind? Are you doing peyote?

Yeah, yeah. You're going on a lot of spirit journeys. No, just a lot of full-blown naked days in a hotel, just kind of marching around, going, yeah. Yeah? This is you. This is you, buddy. Look at that reflection.

That's you naked at 3 p.m. Who's knocking on the door? Room service? Cops? You don't know? You don't know? You're living your life. Do you dress up if a room service comes over? Or do you just stick your head out? I had a moment in Baltimore

where I was just in my underpants and I got... It was a rough time at the club I got back to the room and I'm like I'm not putting clothes on for shit the rest of the night I ordered a pizza and I realized this guy was like you can't answer the door in your underpants

we made a commitment so I tied a sweater around my waist but not covering the front like still like like a yuppie on a boat i still just had the knot i had the knot and the sleeves hanging over the front like this is a compromise that i'm willing to make i saw a uh a report the other day on um a childhood obesity and it was about like how apparently they did a poll and canada has more uh fat kids than ever it's like it's like 25 or something um of all canadians are fat kids uh they gotta the politicians have to learn how to appeal to that yeah yeah

but in the story they showed like uh chubby kids working out and my favorite was this one who uh it was a like a 10 year old boy and he was on i guess like the sort of bench press machine not not actually bench pressing but the uh and he he was wearing jogging pants and a t-shirt and he he had his sweater around his shoulders like a yuppie guy. Keeping it cordial. Like he's sailing in Cape Cod. So we're just laughing another fat kid right back into the candy. That's what we're just...

Nice effort, chubs. Yeah. I was mostly laughing at his choice of where he's wearing his sweater. You didn't want to look like a jerk. Just because you're working out doesn't mean you have to look like a slob. Why is it that they don't have to blur the faces of the fat kids? Because they all look the same. Yeah.

And they gave them a Twix to sign off. Yeah, big cheeks and a smile. They all blend in. Because they'll never show like whenever there's an obesity story they'll never show the faces of the people no usually they only just show yeah it's always the weird like from across the way footage you know somebody's recognized their own misshapen torso on the news yeah or they're wearing a belt buckle that says their name yeah but that says carl my name's carl i got a belt buckle it says carl wait a minute there was uh when i worked at a tv station there was this uh one editor who said he always used

the same clip of a kid working out anytime Anytime there was a story about kids and obesity, and it was a kid going crazy on one of those, um, like a bike that has the moving arms. And he's going like super crazy on it. And he would use that same clip every time. Go to a seven crazy kid on the story about about immigration put it in there just for fun put it in there oh man yeah exactly iran's getting new nuclear arsenal put the fat kid yeah it just

makes it easier to deal with well spoonful of sugar we call them that's what we call them oh lordy um i always get confused like what's where is it is it worse than like if you're fat but then it also goes against it worse if you're fat But then it also goes against Hey if you're cool with who you are Then why should somebody else tell you Oh because they just need News stories I'm talking on a personal level

I get conflicted like Oh man I don't want to be a big old Fat person I want to be those three things I want to be big old and fat. I want to be those three things. I want to be big, old, and fat. But I mean big like penis-wise. And old penis-wise.

I want a real wise dong. If we could have a Fu Manchu on the end of it. Just speak in fortune cooking. Yeah, exactly. This is my penis, Confucius. Cockfucius. Too easy.

Too easy. Too easy, but right? Yep. Sometimes millionaires bend over to pick up a dime. Were you always going to do a Chinese voice? I was about to do it. I was about to do it. Well, we'll save you the trouble.

We'll cut to the clip that we always use of a kid doing a Chinese voice. We'll go to Mickey Rooney. There's just a clip of a fat Canadian exercise bike with somebody going, Oh, good evening! And that's what they use for the news. Today, this.

This is what news is now. Yeah, why don't you... You've lost weight since the last time you were here. I guess. But do you do anything? Do you exercise? Do you run? I see sometimes on Twitter you say you're going for a run.

That's why I make an announcement, because it's so few and far between. That is the equivalent of give me money to donate to my marathon fund. I'm going to go run around this pond by my house and dry heave at several points. Now it's psychological. Now I'm like, oh, that tree,

that's where I almost barf at every time. Might as well. And then just like, okay, yep, that's the spot. A little clockwork orange kind of situation. Yeah. Pavlov's dong. Pretty good.

So you're traveling all over. What is your routine when you get into a city? Do you first go to the hotel, or do you have a favorite restaurant now in every city? No, I don't do anything funny. I get real lazy about when I finally get to be alone in a hotel and I don't have to talk to anybody. It's the best thing. That's it. Yeah, because even when I'm back home in LA, my days get filled up.

Like, oh, you're in town. All right. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for work and being imagine but so like oh a hotel and everything is perceivably clean and yeah i'm just gonna lay around in here and daydream and just futz around yeah i'm really bad about like oh you should see stuff in this wonderful new city like i don't care yeah and that sounds bad. Do you get the local food delivered to your room?

Whatever the specialty is? Send me your crab cakes. Bring me your finest cheesesteaks. I will sample them. I hope competing vendors show up at the same time. Send me your cheesesteak sampler. Fight for this $1.80 tip I'm going to leave you.

Your cheesesteak sampler. What, uh, Dave, have you ever had a cheesesteak? Uh, only from Subway. Oh, gross. Subway's been there representing all our Italian sandwiches. Yeah. Like, if that's the only Italian food you ever had, it was a meatball sandwich. Lobster roll.

I haven't been to Philadelphia, so I haven't had the authentic one that I've learned about from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You don't want the authentic one. No? You say it's horrible. Oh, this is like a... Attention, Philadelphia. Second place in a horse race. This thing.

Which part of this didn't get turned into glue? But why did it become... Like, if it's not that good of a thing, why did it become... I don't know. You know what I mean? One of them was alright. But it's still, it's just like scrap meat and processed cheese. That sounds like you'd have a scrap meat yard.

Yeah. I'm looking for some kind of a shoulder. People don't finish their steaks and they send them all to the scrap meat yard. They get processed into cheese steaks. My uncle owns a scrap meat yard, guys.

Somebody had a sirloin a week ago. I can taste it in this. But like, then what? Do they put a sauce on it? Cheese whiz. They put cheese whiz. Really?

So that's all it is. Like, that's what they're proud of. Get it with whiz. Get it with whiz. Get one with Whiz. They put Cheez Whiz. Really? So that's all it is. Like, that's what they're proud of. Yeah. Get it with whiz. Get it with whiz. Get one with whiz. Ew.

So it really is Cheez Whiz, right? Ew. Yeah. And there's the two competing places across the street from one of them, and one of them got in trouble because they just have signs all over it, like, speak in English, like, order in English. Oh, really? Wow. Classic.

A first-generation Italian family that has signs that say order in English all over it. Wow. Well, you know, if I'm ever in Philadelphia, I don't eat meat, so what would be the equivalent? A thing with radishes in a roll. Just a radish sandwich.

If there was a radish that they found in the street, that would be the equivalent thing with radishes in a roll? Just a radish sandwich? If there was a radish that they found in the street, that would be the equivalent. Radish with a band name. From the Scrap Radish Yard. Scrap Radish. Scrap Radish is playing tonight. Oh, the band name. No, keep going. You're here in town for a music festival.

Scrap Radish. I'm opening up for Scrap Radish. What else? Headlice Formulation. That's the name of a band that I just made up. HLF? You mean the HLF? Yeah. Are we just looking around things in my room?

Yeah. Why do I have this Headlice Formulation? What's going on with you guys? Yeah, Dave, what's going on with you guys well yeah dave what's going on with you um what is going on with you well recently i uh i went to the dentist and uh it was let's see those teeth yeah that was good chompers uh it was the first time i had been to the dentist in 14 years holy shit on the same on the same time frame as you. Yeah, have you been back? Last year was the first time in a long time.

What was the prognosis? The occasion is I have dental insurance. Yeah, same here. I can afford that. The prognosis was, and I'm terrified of dentists. It was always the worst. It was always so much nagging and uh smoke machines and lights it was kind of like you know how um like my my parents were very nice uh uh so like they never beat me or anything but you know how like

that made them nice parents i mean they didn't slap me around so i guess well you know how good job how like you do something wrong and um you're like oh my dad just said he was disappointed in me and that's so much worse than it had he actually hit me oh yeah but like the dentist depending on the dad if he's a real poindexter if he's a pipsqueak. I feel like going to the dentist, you get the disappointment and they hit you. Yeah. Well, maybe this wasn't a dentist you went to. But they don't hit you. They just demolish your mouth. Yeah, that's true.

Didn't you go to the Russian mob for dentistry? I'm very let down in you. Open your mouth. You did a lot of the fingers on the neck. They actually just tattooed my kneecap. Yeah. Well, you've earned it with that 14-year stint. With the date of my net checkup.

The next checkup is actually out there. But it was better. It was both better and worse than I expected going to the dentist. Because when I used to go when I was a teenager, they didn't have the TVs in the ceilings. My dentist doesn't have a TV in the ceiling. Oh, it's great. I don't think I had a TV.

Yeah. I don't think my dentist owns a TV. I think he's one of those guys. Oh, yeah. He listens to NPR. Shot of whiskey, then. It's a hand crank, bro. So I was watching The View.

The person before me in that dental chair had been watching Man Tracker. Oh, sure, yeah. Do you have Man Tracker? I think I do. It's the guy on horseback. Yeah, yeah. And you get like an hour to get away from him. Yeah, a couple of clowns go run around

a mountain wouldn't that be the greatest if it was actually two clowns i heard your shoes the whole time yeah they're hiding in the bush and then the one guy just goes like oh my squirty flower went off you can see them from a kilometer away. Super colorful. You can just hear balloon animals being made in a bush. Squeak, squeak. He left a trail of just a mile of handkerchiefs. Are you never in scarves? This one's not going to air, guys. This one didn't work.

So the dentist, it was basically, they were talking to me like I was a grown up, which is great but also being a little too complimentary like, wow, given the fact that you haven't been to the dentist in so long you must have a great immune system. Oh, wow.

My guy was upset I think in the lack of importance in his profession because he's like, I don't want to say this, but your teeth are fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was disappointed that he didn't have bad news. He wanted to be like, see, this is why you have to come here every year. Oh, okay.

So were both of your teeth fine? Mine, they went nuts on them, and I have to go back to get another cleaning uh pretty soon uh but now that you got that insurance but they're gonna be fine like like they're they're uh they're like uh you could probably use a second cleaning but yeah they're basically fine wow second cleaning that's like that's like being in a car wash at that point well get the undercoating done you're lying to me there's just somebody waiting with a chamois. I already started it, so if I leave it on there, you know, it's going to screw up the paint.

You sons of bitches. You gypsies. I counted all the coins in my shirt pocket, don't you guys? Yeah, my dentist is stealing my fillings. I never have a good... Ever. Every time I go to the dentist, it's, I need fillings. I never have a good... Ever. Every time I go to the dentist,

I need fillings or something needs to be done every single time. Bad teeth. And I go to the dentist all the time. And I'm meticulous about it still. Some people get a bad lot. That's it. I'm not a great...

Maybe I'll have wooden teeth one day. That'll be fun. A boy can dream. Yeah. I'm afraid... great... Maybe I'll have wooden teeth one day. A boy can dream. Yeah. A wooden boy can dream. A wooden boy with real teeth. But I have my next cleaning in two weeks between when I went and my next cleaning.

And I hadn't really been flossing very much, except the week before I knew I was going to the dentist. And even the dentist was like, you've been going pretty hard with the floss lately, haven't you? But only lately. Blood's just falling out of your mouth. What makes you say that?

I actually was so worried about going to the dentist. There's a lot of wax between your teeth. I've ruined all my shirts. I look like a vampire. I actually was so worried about how bad my teeth were going to be that I brought an extra shirt to change into afterwards

in case I bled out. But they're good with suction. Oh, my God. Don't they put an apron on you? Yes. A little paper. Yeah, you get a paper apron, but I was expecting you to be... You just expected a gunshot wound in your mouth? Yeah.

We're gonna have to break your nose to fix this, too. So bite down on this? Oh, I did. It was a lot of, like, I was pinching myself a lot of, like, the whole time. Not because I thought I was dreaming, but just because of the pain

pain displacement yeah right and i think she noticed um but yeah i had welts all over my hands at the end it's just it's rough like who goes into that profession um ex-wrestlers uh tough tough man competitors. It's ladies mostly, right? Dental hygienists? No, I've got a fella. Really? I don't think I've ever had a fella dental hygienist.

I've never had a fella either. It sounds... You live in L.A. Everything's pretty progressive down there. In West Hollywood. It's so acceptable down there. Yeah, exactly. Wherever L.A. goes, the rest of the country will follow. Yeah.

But yeah, so I recommend dentistry every 14 years. Yeah, absolutely. That's what's been going on with me. Also, last night, we did a live podcast last night at the Electric Owl in Vancouver. And if you're listening right now, which you are, that will be available hopefully, I think, after this episode comes out. So look for it this week. Yeah. But afterwards, I was giving you a ride home.

Yeah. And Ms. Alicia Tobin and my wife Abby. And as we were driving home, we all live in one big house. Yeah. We're like the monkeys. Yeah. As we were driving back, we started to smell. We thought like someone had lit a match.

It smelled like. It did smell like somebody lit a match. Yeah. It was distinctly like, not like, oh, like a grease fire or something. It was like a wood, a woody smoke. Yeah. Like my teeth. Nice oaky smoke. Yeah. Like my teeth. Nice oaky peat.

Yeah. What would you make a teeth out of? An oak? Mahogany, maybe? Yeah, a teak. I'd go for a teak wood. I'd go for Indonesian hardwood. But they'd be like you'd have to paint them every couple of years because it'd be really dark.

Would you want to paint them? Would I? Or would you just varnish them? Wood tooth. Yeah. That's a good Well, yeah, I definitely would want them varnished with the most toxic varnish available. Yeah, sure. This is all weather. This lasts

every season. Yeah, exactly. I can walk out with my mouth in the rain. You want to get that flooring that snaps together. That way you can replace the vanishing. Perco flooring. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, absolutely. Why would you even get them shaped like teeth if you could just advance?

Yeah, get them shaped like a floor. Like puzzle pieces. You could call yourself Jig Mouth. Yeah, so when your mouth is closed, they connect together. Yeah. That's how you keep your jaw straight. Yeah, that's what my doctor says. I need to keep your jaw straight Yeah, that's what my doctor says I need to keep my jaw straight

So we smelled this burning wood And then we drove further up the street And we realized that there was a huge fire And we couldn't find any parking around But we desperately wanted to get out of the car And go watch the fire Yeah, like a bunch of jerks There was no parking at the fire

Yeah Can you believe it? Tried to go watch the fire. No parking, man. And then we talked to a guy who was a Filipino guy who looked like Rod Steiger. Well, you didn't know he was Filipino until I told you later. But I did know that he looked like Rod Steiger. You kept saying, oh, man, that guy looks so much like Rod Steiger.

Yeah. And then I told you, did you know he was Filipino? Oh, man. And I was like, Rod Steiger? See? I, man. And I was like, Rod Steiger? See? I knew it. Yeah, so fire's great. Yeah.

Well, I mean, you go, right? If there's a fire, you go and watch. You can't. Everything lets go. It's a spectacle. Yeah. That's why I felt bad when all the big fires were in LA. It's sad, but it smells real nice.

Yeah. It's true. The smell smells real nice. Yeah, it's true. The smell of wealthy people's homes burning. Yeah, they smell better than... It just fills the air. What do you think? Because they use that good wood. Yeah, absolutely. You know how many sets of teeth they could have made out of that?

Their mesquite homes. Oh, I get mesquite teeth, because I love the taste of mesquite. And so just to have that as an aroma in my head. Yeah, or hickory. Oh, yeah. Maybe tops mesquite teeth, because I love the taste of mesquite. And so just to have that as an aroma in my head. Yeah, or hickory. Oh, yeah. Maybe tops mesquite, bottom hickory. And then I switch them once a year.

Oh, barbecue mouth over here. And every time you chew gum, it's gross. Yeah, well, it would get stuck in there. Oh, lordy. There's a lot of possibilities in there. Yep. And congratulations to the firemen for putting out that fire As far as I know it's not still burning No but the building is gone

There's nothing that could have been done It was a grocery It was a grocery with like apartments on top of it And it's in the same block where Another String of stores with apartments on top of it Suddenly caught on fire somehow. And then developers were like, I guess we'll put a condo here now.

Let me jump in here. Twist my arm. I used to work at a bar that closed down and all of a sudden, like, even the owner's like, oh, yeah, I totally can't believe it burned down. Yep. So many memories in that place. I'm so bummed out So many memories

Yeah, because nobody was hurt in the fires Nope Everyone was excited It's too exciting Like we went and we watched And then we were like, well we need to walk away now Because We shouldn't be

What kind of thrill are we trying to get from this? Oggling the forces of nature. Yeah, in other countries they will have celebrations where they have huge bonfires. Yeah, Burning Man. Yeah, that's the one. What's he made out of? Oh, I don't know.

Garbage. Art cars. Dreadlocks. Yeah, gross! Clumps yeah dreadlocks yeah gross uh man dreadlocks does anybody know anybody who went to burning man this year or any year i think i know people who have gone yeah what's the what's the report oh my i have a co-worker i may have told the story before i uh it's a great story of um there's only one road out of Burning Man. I thought you were going to have a sound effect.

There's only one road out of Burning Man. Baking sheet. It's called baking sheet. Oh, that's the worst Foley artist ever. You stupid radio producer. Announcing what it is. Crunching celery. Dress shoes on potato chips.

What is that? What does that sound like? I'm not sure. That's literally all it is. Hey, those are the nice, those are nice dress shoes. Oh, watch out, I left some potato chips. Oh no! I dropped the baking sheet. Hey, we're tuning into old timey obvious theater

Yeah there's only one road out of Burning Man And so a co-worker of mine Was at Burning Man for whatever Three days or however long it is How long is it? I don't know Doesn't it just go on for a whole month? It goes on until the man is all burnt

Yeah And then on the way out I don't know. Doesn't it just go on for a whole month? It goes on until the man is all burnt. Yeah. And then on the way out, there was a huge traffic jam. And they were like, why is traffic taking so long to get out of Burning Man? Because it's all dumb art. Because somebody's art project was to just lay in front of a car. Well, close. Eventually, they got to where the traffic jam was happening and they realized that the whole road was being blocked by a couple

who had moved a couch onto the middle of the road and was having sex on it. Why can't more traffic jams end like that? You can't wear goggles for those parts, guys. That is a long shower you're going to take after that Oh, man Are there any showers? Because it's out in the desert, right? I think there's art showers

Yeah, like you get in and it just dumps glitter on your head This is worse than before! Oh, I'm dirty and sparkly Oh, great It's like the Kesha festival Yeah I don't think there were showers I don't think anyone there cares about that No one's going to be like you stink

Oh wait no it's you No it's me Spring break for liberal arts colleges Oh man Have you ever had the interest in going? I'm curious I of course have not Spring Break for Liberal Arts Colleges. Oh, man. Bless him. Have you ever had the interest in going? I'm curious. I, of course, have not.

No. But maybe Kyle? If there was like a Days In that I could get back to at the end of it. There's like a Best Western down the road. What if there was a budget, like that was somebody's project, that they set up something that looked just like a Ramada? Yeah, or a Starbucks. My art is corporate marketing, guys.

I'm building this temporary hotel that people can stay in. I think you should. As couch as sponsored by Burger King. As long as they wear the hats, Burger King hats, they could fuck all over it. Because we support the festival.

We support the arts. What if they're wearing that creepy Burger King mask but I think you should go to Burning Man because because there's no place to stay you would have to do your hotel self just like in the middle you'd be like 3pm naked

Kyle Kagan just in the middle of the Gobi Desert or wherever it is. Yeah, would not be a... I think ordering a pizza to Burning Man. I'll be the guy with a sweatshirt around my waist. Yeah, exactly. Just take a left at the steampunk tent.

Yeah, I'll be in the fifth lean-to on the right. Right past the woman who should most certainly be wearing a shirt. I'll be in the fifth lean-to on the right. Right past the woman who should most certainly be wearing a shirt. I'm sorry, I got lost. There were a lot of that. Past the woman with noodley boobs hula-hooping.

I kept finding the same woman. It's like the Blair Witch Project. They just keep going in circles. We've definitely been here before. So, Graham, what's going on with you? Well, I just came back from Burning Man. Oh, no. And boy, are my noodley boobs tired.

Boy, are my boobs noodley. Boy, is my dong wise. Wise dong and noodley boobs. Together again. The reunion tour. Which is the couple that you married at Burning Man. And you officiated the ceremony over. They were on the couch on the highway. That's when they consummated the relationship.

You may now kiss this mystical rock. The only thing that's been going on is... I've been doing stuff, but the most important thing that's gone on this week is... I have a free, temporary... Not subscription, but... I get the Lifetime channel for free right now, which is great. Because I don't have a lot of channels. Which one is the Lifetime? Is that women?

We haven't never had it in Canada. Like, it just started, and so it's, like, free for... Oh, and it is, but it's the women? It's usually for the gals. Yeah. Is it... Now, tell me if I'm stepping on your toes here no did you have they shown that lindsey lohan uh movie where she plays elizabeth taylor no i haven't seen that

but i watched i only i was flipping through and there was a new show with uh jennifer love hewitt on it jay lohu yeah who she plays a lady that has to work in a, like a rub and tug. Okay. And it's, it is hysterical. I can't, I don't think I've seen a show funnier. Intentionally? No. No.

Is it a drama? It's a drama. She's making a, oh, she's making a real dramatic turn. It's Breaking Bad with zero of the steaks. Like, take all of the steaks out of Breaking Bad. And put them in a meat scraper. Yeah. Like, she, okay.

The whole premise of the episode I saw was that her husband's... We're going to turn this place into a rub and hug. We're going to turn this place around and give you Asian women some self-worth oh first of all there's no Asian women that work here well

I'm totally unbelievable now yeah all white ladies it's in it takes place in Texas which I've been

which I've been told not to mess with yeah on account of everything being bigger yeah I was told not to mess with was that correct?

Her husband is out of work. It seems like in the show he's been out of work for like two weeks or something. Like it's not, they're not destitute. She's just so desperate to do this. Exactly. I couldn't afford dessert tonight. Don't worry, I can... We should never go without. She gets a job at the at the massage place and then on the first day

she realizes oh like there's you know the guy wants a hand job was she a trained masseuse yeah okay uh or something so she she goes in and she says like i'm not doing the i'm not doing that even though the guy is like the handsomest guy like is there'm not doing that, even though the guy is, like, the handsomest guy. Like, there's not, like, a huge leap. Like, the guy looks exactly like the guy that she's married to. In fact, it might be the same actor. Pick up my belly folds. It's under there.

Yeah. So the lady that runs the place, who's, like, the uh understanding madam around says oh you don't you can just have the clients that don't pay for that sure and then all of those clients are like who people look like like there's a guy who's fat and there's an old lady and it's just like oh how disgusting regular people need massages for their back pain and stress. And so after... And then they show her getting paid, and she opens up her... It's all in cash,

and she gets paid like $3 on one. A fly flies out of... A moth flies out of her paycheck. These are just coupons. For massages. For massages. So it only takes... This is all in the first 20 minutes of the show it takes from her not having a job to going there and then deciding i'm gonna go for it i'm gonna jerk

these guys yeah and dive right in with both hands yeah and all the guys are like super friendly super like all there's a scene where you see the guys walking and they've all got six-pack abs well they don't need they don't go to robin tucker they might but not as much as the other people that they were showing where she's like oh i can't touch his his fatty yeah it's in there somewhere um uh there's a lot of shows like that where It's in there somewhere. There's a lot of shows like that where, when you're watching them, it seems to make sense. But in retrospect, like Breaking Bad, like, oh, he certainly fell into making meth really easily.

Yeah. But that's why it's like, oh, this is how somebody turns into a bad person. Yes. But there's stakes in it, right? He's sick. He's got to take care of his family. He's got no money. In this, though, they live in this beautiful house. And even at one point, one of the characters says, oh, you should move into a smaller house.

Her mother, played by Sybil Shepard, goes, why don't you move into a smaller house? And I was like, perfect. End of series. Problem averted. And she goes, no, I don't you move into a smaller house and i was like perfect end of series like problem averted and she goes no i don't you know i don't want to basically until his tennis elbow starts acting up we're staying put well why don't i like to have a sunroom why don't you give up your tennis license even if it means rubbing cheese off a bunch of dudes. That's the hardest thing. There aren't just legitimate...

Not legitimate, because I think some of them just make up what they're doing there. But going there as a guy looking like this and trying to be like, I don't want any funny business. I just want a real massage. Trying to be not a creep is the most stressful thing. Because I'm already assuming, like, he probably thinks it's this kind of place. No, no, my shoulders. My shoulders hurt very bad. He did walk in with a sweater tied around his waist.

Yeah. I think if you walk in with, like, a referral. Daytime, making clear points. Yeah, from Craigslist. Yeah, the other thing in the show is the place that she works at is right next door to a karate studio. Which, they didn't do anything good sound effect wise, but it would have been funny to hear people doing karate. Yeah. They're just not taking advantage.

Well, keep watching. It's going to crop up. What is this show called? What can we guess that it's... Oh, yeah, see if you can guess. I say Rub and Hugs. That's good. I say...

Okay. Let's see. Fast Five. Rub and Tug, Prince of Thieves. Head and shoulders. Hands-on experience. Oh, that's pretty good. Hands-on experience is good.

Yeah. No, it's much more bland titled. Oh, okay. Like, feel in your wiener. Yeah. HJ's so we can eat puddin' more often. What is it called? It's called The Client List.

Well, that tells me nothing about this show. Yeah, it does sound like a John Grisham. Yeah, it does. An office thriller. It's not called Wristies. Have you ever... Wristy business That was pretty good

That was pretty good Thanks Thanks Appreciate it Well on that note Yeah Let's move on To some overheards

Let's do it Life can be fun Don't get carried away You gotta do the things You don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more.

Take care of business. Well, of course that music means it is not time for overheards. My apologies. Yeah, I think I suggested it, actually. That's fine. It's been a while. That music means it's time for business. This week, we've got a little bit of business.

Birthday business. Happy birthday, business. Happy birthday this week to Jeff from his girlfriend Ainsley. That's a nice name, Ainsley. And so is Jeff. It's with a G. Oh, very regal. Ainsley is wishing

Jeff a super 30th birthday. Now, even though he's temporarily living with his parents, I don't know why Ainsley had to mention that. I'm fine with it. I want to live with Jeff's parents. His 30s are going to rock. You and I are both in our 30s. So far, so good, right?

Yeah, things have been great. I wish, yeah, no, I wish him all the best. And Ainsley sounds like a great catch. So you got that going for you. Absolutely. And you know, you get the fun of sneaking the girlfriend in while the parents are asleep.

That is a lot of fun, I'm sure. And also, another thing we would like to promote this week uh in our little business section is max fun day yeah uh we are going to have a one day max fun drive to try to get new donors to donate to maximum fun.org uh i believe there's some new people joining the family oh is that right? Yeah. And that is coming up on October. Am I finally going to get a sister?

I don't know yet. I cannot say anything. That is coming up on October 15th. We'll have more information on that in the future. But there will be some extra materials. You'll get a bonus episode from us. Yes. Even if you're a current donor, I do believe. It's just a day to get some new people on board.

Yeah, exactly. Just a fun little one. Just the one time. Just a fling. Yeah. You know, just a, you know, Stella gets her groove back kind of day. An autumn love affair. Yeah.

It was autumn night. day. An autumn love affair. Yeah, so... It's autumn night! So, October 15th, keep your eyes open for that. And Jeff, enjoy your birthday six. Is that a song? Yeah. By whom?

It's by this guy. It's a real problem. Okay. Now, if you would like to promote anything on our show or wish anyone a happy birthday, head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Yeah. Now, for realsies. Overheardsies. Okay, Zs.

Overheard. Overheards. Things, if you're out of the world Before we move on to Overheard It is time for my favorite segment on the show A segment called Celebrity Birthdays Celebrity Birthdays Is brought to you by fumes

Fumes It's what Celebrity Birthdays is running on Now this week we are celebrating Fumes. It's what Celebrity Birthdays is running on. Now this week we are celebrating the Celebrity Birthdays for September 25th. And I want to wish a big happy Celebrity Birthday. Dave, shut up, because I want to do my favorite segment. It's a little thing that's also this week running on fumes called Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News?

It's a Hulk Hogan News. Now, here's the thing. There's only so much Hulk Hogan News to go around. We just recorded a podcast yesterday. I feel like I atomic leg dropped my wand. Was that the name of the Jennifer Love Hewitt show?

Yeah. Was that the name of the Jennifer Love Hewitt show? So I will say that really there isn't any... There's nothing that I haven't covered in the world of Hulk Hogan news. But one very cool thing is somebody sent me... He was at an animation festival in Toronto, Ontario. Why does he do anything? He should be retired. Oh, it doesn't matter. He's broke.

He is a little broke. Yeah, he seems broke-ish. He does Rent-A-Center commercials in the States. Yeah, and he also does, like, for, like, a vitamin mix that you put in a... A smoothie? Not that you put in a soda. I was like, what? You don't put something in a soda. In a smoothie, yeah. What is Rent-A-Center?

Is it like rental furniture? Yeah. Rent-To-Own? Like TVs and stuff. Yeah. Your home. For your home. For a home. They should have like a Netflix of that. When is the internet

streaming furniture going to take over? I've had this couch for seven months. I haven't sat on it once. Yeah. I kept telling myself I would watch it. I want this other couch real bad, but I got to return this one. Why did I think I would want this Swedish couch? I lost the envelope for this couch.

I'm totally fucked now. You have to send it back in a giant envelope. Well, you sent it with the envelope, so we're not taking this couch i'm totally fucked now you have to send a bag in a giant envelope well you sent it without the envelope so we're not taking this couch back somebody stole five chairs out of my mailbox again and now netflix won't send me anymore um but yeah so uh he also opened up a shop to sell memorabilia to pay off his alimony payments to his wife, Scary Lydia Hogan. Is that her name? Linda Hogan. Joan Hogan. Joan Hogan, yep.

But somebody, one of our listeners wrote to me on Twitter and said that he was at this animation festival. and said that he was at this animation festival, and one of the pieces was a very, I watched it, a very psychedelic tribute to Hulk Hogan that was all drawn by hand. And, yeah, I watched it three times this morning, and I feel really good about myself. All right. Yeah.

What is that, on YouTube? That's on a Vimeo. Oh, Vimeo. Yeah, absolutely. So thanks a lot for sending that along, and like I said, you know, that's it. That's it for Hulkimeo. Oh, Vimeo. Yeah, absolutely. So thanks a lot for sending that along. And like I said, you know, that's it. That's it for Hulk Hogan news this week. That's it for Hulk Hogan news, man.

Fumes. Speaking of fumes, they are the sponsor of this week's celebrity birthday. It's a big happy celebrity birthday to rapper T.I. He's 32. And then is he famous for... What you know about that? What you know about that? What you know about that?

I know all about that. Birthdays. I just had to see your face doing that. That was delightful. Happy celebrity birthday to former American Idol co-host Brian Dunkelman is 41 today. The Dunk.

I was at an audition with that guy yesterday. No way. This guy looks familiar. I'm like, oh yeah. Can I ask what you guys were auditioning for? It was a voiceover for a progressive insurance commercial. Ah. So there's some inside Hollywood gossipwood gossip yeah uh it'd be

funny if it was like if you and brian dunkelman kept showing up to the same auditions because you were the same type yeah well in fact he was like you know a host of american idol now like whoops yeah did he give that up or was out? I don't know what changed But like that Or like that John Fuglesang Was the host of America's Funniest Home Videos And now he's like a super political He was? This is the liberal comedy tour

And we're gonna Really? Yeah it was him and Bob Saget? No a Latina What was her name? Daisy Fuentes Oh

Yeah Daisy Fuentes Was America's Funniest? Oh, yeah, it was. He was just showing out bad jokes over home movies, and now he's like, we're taking back America! That was before... Here's a dog in a pool! The pre-Bergeron years.

Pre-Bergeron. Wow. The pre-Bergeron years. So post-Sagat pre-Bergeron. I guess. Wow. I scarcely remember it. Yeah, because there was the America's Funniest People, hosted by Coulier. Happy birthday. And it was his birthday yesterday.

Yep. Dave Coulier and Tawny Katane. And then they maybe swapped out. That was Funniest People? Yeah. Yeah. No funny, no money, et cetera. Oh.

And then there was somebody else that followed after Tani Katane. She left, and Dave Coulier stayed. Yeah. And then he left. It's very unimportant. And then the show was canceled. Oh, that was a... We're not America's Funniest People.

The home videos are still funny. I love that show. I want to see a dog knock a kid off a sled. Oh my god. I want to see a baby fall down a pipe. Fall down a set of stairs. A baby fall down a pipe. And then see the rescue effort.

And then the nation gathers around. Happy 43rd birthday to Guns N' Roses guitarist... Saul Hudson. Nope. Saul Hudson? He's former Guns N' Roses guitarist. Oh, Buckethead. Nope.

More recent than that. Izzy Stradlin? Nope. Bumblefoot. That's like a transformer. No, that's a festival that happens after Burning Man. No that's a festival that happens after Burning Man Bumblefoot has a guitar Shaped like a foot

With bumblebee stripes on it That's a stretch Literally He got that in a garage The guy gets a gold button and Bumblefoot Exactly the guitar came first Wish I could have just a four Happy 44th birthday to

Rapper, actor, raptor Will Smith. Oh, how old is he? 44. Goodness gracious. Happy 61st birthday to Star War Mark Hamill. Star War. He was one of the Star Wars. Yeah, that's true.

He played Lucas Skywalker. Yeah. Sky's true. He played Lucas Skywalker. Sky Saunter. And when I put his name, I typed the list on my phone, and the phone corrected Mark Hamill's name as Mark Hanukkah. Oh yeah, happy Mark Hanukkah. Did I tell you that my phone corrected

the word, I was trying to write the word G-spot, and its correction was galoot. Oh yeah, you big galoot. Yeah, did you mean galoot? Come on, you old lug. It's so hard to find that old lug.

I was trying to write Meg like the name M-E-G and it corrected it to like meh. Like M-E-H. My phone was like, you don't know anybody named me. And if you do, they don't want to talk to you. That's so great. And the answer this week's celebrity trivia question.

This celebrity couple celebrating a birthday, both of them on the same day. Oh, it's got to be, is it Tori Spelling? 25 years apart. Oh, wow. got to be. Is it Tori Spelling? 25 years apart. Oh, wow. I don't know. I'm trying to think of a May-December. Michael Douglas. That's where I was going to go.

Was it? Was it? Yeah. The only old person, young person couple I could think of. She is 43. He is 68 today. Happy birthday. Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.

Fumes. Okay, so now we can move on to... Oh, I also want to say, the Hogan movie that was sent to me, it was by Atnikpagi. So there you go. Credit where credit's due. We cite our sources. Yeah, right. Exactly. Not like the New York Times. Now,

on to overheards. And you know what overheards are. Things that you overhear. Things you oversee in your general life when you're walking about. When you're on a walkabout. Sure. You're in Australia. Mostly we want to hear crazy things Australian Yeah, it's very specific

And now we always like to start with the guest Okay If you have one or we can start with Dave And work our way back around I had one, it was great, I was in New Orleans Nar-land Nar-lands Nar-whales

And there was Narwhales. Narwhales. And there was a... We had a very affected gay waiter at a diner who was just a delightful man, kind of a portly fellow, kind of a plum-shaped, can I say? Sure, a real Don DeLuise. A Perez Hilton. A rounder gentleman.

At one point, it just leaned on the counter. It was just me and my friend and maybe the cook were the only people in the restaurant. They leaned on the counter at the end of the place. It just sounded like, I am almost 40 and I just need some dick. I just need some dick. And just such a, like, I just want somebody to put something in there. Like, it's just such buttery frustration. Happy celebrity birthday to that plum waiter.

Yeah, happy 40th. Plum-shaped waiter. Oh, man. I just want somebody to put something in there. Just lamenting his place in life. And I was like, that's freedom. It is, really. The comfort to be at that ease, at so much ease at your workplace. Where can he find some?

I would think in our... It's got free spirits down that way. I think it's probably not hard to find Apparently for him Yeah maybe it's a renewable resource He was having a dry spell Yeah sure But you know what 40 is the new 30 and plum is the new

Raisin So you're doing great Keep doing what you're doing Plum is the new acai. Dave, do you have one? Yeah, I got one. Mine's an overseen, and it's a little bit sad. It's actually so sad.

Sometimes you see on houses, they'll have... Why am I laughing in advance of it? Did a baby fall down a pipe? Trying to laugh through the pain uh sometimes at uh on the houses you'll see they have like a decal or decal in the window what do you how do you say decal yes i say decal i've heard decal i say decal you say decal absolutely do you call it a freak out no it's a freckle. It smelled completely different. Exactly. On with the story. Sometimes people will have on their window a decal near the front window

that says, in case of a fire, please save my dog. Or, in case of a fire, please save my cat. That's to let the fireman know that while you're in there, get the dog out. And also a sticker that says, hey, hold down the flusher on the toilet. While you're in there, get the dog out. And also Sticker says, hey, hold down the flusher on the toilet while you're in there. Jiggle the hand.

And it was just the saddest thing I've seen in a long time. It was someone's basement apartment window that had two decals, one that said, in case of fire, please save my dog, and in case of fire, please save my dog. And in case of fire, please save my cat. And they had just drawn an X through both of them. Oh. Oh. That is very sad.

I mean, to be fair, you set it up as very sad. I was not expecting it to be that sad. But wouldn't you just take down the decals? I thought it was going to be that sad but like wouldn't you just take down the decals I thought it was going to be like a case of fire just let it burn

weird has the back window sticker of the families gathered on here like with the mom

and the dad the little stick figures yeah and then occasionally seeing one of them scraped off. Oh, wow.

You know, that's one of those ideas, though. They always typify it by being like, I've got to be the guy who's going to invent the next pet rock. Whoever came up with that, just putting Stickman on the back of a car, guy's probably right yeah i saw one on the back of a dodge uh um that was it was basically the equivalent of calvin peeing on something uh and it was a woman uh yeah it was a woman's butt and uh it's like a cartoon woman pulling down her pants and showing you her butt. And she's got a G-string on and the Dodge Ram tattoo on her butt. And it says, sexy bitch. Oh, yeah.

Well, it's not bad at all. So I guess that's a good idea. Is it worse than truck nuts? It is. See, I don't know. It's about on par. I'd like to see a Calvin peeing on a Calvin and have a, you know, really blow some minds. I'd like to see the Chevy symbol peeing on a Calvin.

Or what is he usually peeing on? A Ford? He's peeing on whatever you want him to pee on. Calvin has not taken sides in any of these arguments. Calvin has not taken sides in any of these arguments it's weird because it's not like it's not a thing that Bill Waterston

the guy who drew it he's like the Fugazi of cartoons he didn't merchandise anything but also like that wasn't a thing that Calvin was famous for was like peeing on things yeah being a complete jerk or like caring about cars.

Or praying to God. You read that Calvin's room is all notoriously, not anti- but very not aligned with any religious. I would have thought he was a Calvinist. Correct.

And Hobbes was a hobbyist. Good one also. Now, Graham, do you have an overheard? Mine's a pastiche of overseens that all come courtesy of doing a show at a marijuana dispensary. Here in Vancouver? Here in Vancouver. Whereabouts? It's called the Yaletown Dispensary.

I didn't know we had those here. We have them all over the place, which I didn't realize because call me old fashioned, but if I'm going to buy drugs, I like to buy them from a drug dealer I like to buy them at a rub and tug and so

this place was divided into three separate rooms there's like the up front there's like a window where you go I guess and give your prescription you'll notice that I don't take this very seriously give your prescription and then they give you prescription. You'll notice that I don't take this very seriously. Give your prescription and then they give you

weed. It's weird. There's weed just kind of sitting around in jars and stuff. Like dandelions? Yeah, absolutely. Weeds. Like that show, Weeds, about that gardener. This crabgrass problem is out of control. She's so mad all the time. They keep coming back.

You gotta get them by the roots. And then there was a back area. That's where we were waiting to go on stage. And they had painted one wall that was a giant mural of fields growing pot. And then there was another wall that was all... Bob Marley. Bob Marley definitely made many guest appearances in that place.

And then there was this whole wall where it was like old pictures of cherubs and stuff. Okay. But they were all like holding vaporizers and bongs. And then there was this scroll painted on the wall that was kind of like supposed to be like the motto of the place like we believe in the in the curative power and then it was no shawl not bogart yeah i don't remember what it said exactly but it was only half finished which was what i liked about um good enough so this show so you where in a i don't what is it is there like a like an amphitheater inside this dispenser no no we were in the the it was very much like doing a

show like picture a pharmacy uh-huh that's what it looks okay yeah like very white very clinical yeah that that's why it really doesn't make sense on any level but then yeah in the back room was where the murals of the uh of the i have a picture of the cherubs with the vaporizer um we'll put that up on the blog yeah but i just like that there's somebody it's just like could you be any more stereotypical and not finishing We'll get to this mural later. I forgot what I was going to write next. Do you think whenever a famous composer has an unfinished symphony, it's because they were getting high all the time?

Where was I going with this? Yeah. That's why, yeah, California has all the dispensaries, but you can't keep telling me it's medicine, but then it's called, like, you know, Dr. Dude's Fun Palace and Wavy Gravy Fart. Like, make it look like a legitimate place. Like, no doctor's office has ever employed tie-dye this much.

Like, you can't, like, I'm fine with pot, but pot but pot culture is like the dumbest well that's like it feels like if you would like if a regular pharmacy worked the same way like yeah like i don't want to be on a prescription where like you have to wear a hat like a certain type of hat like a certain type of music yeah it's like you're undermining the uh the the health benefits when it's like hey man i feel like i went to the i specifically got my prescription because i was gonna go see tron in 3d that's not what i put on the paperwork it's like it's one of the things listed on the elements but like the bottom floors of doctor's office and a free clinic and then you go upstairs and it is just reggae music yeah some guy like it's your first time oh man you get a free bag of shake because it's your first time all right this stuff's good it's got like a nice this is like if you're gonna

watch a movie or if you have cancer or something this would be good for that kind of stuff you know man and so this medicine is called purple nurple comes with a free cat in a hat hat this makes music sound good or your glaucoma goes away? It's so many benefits. Oh, man. How was the show part of it? It was, you know what? You've probably played shows where there's, like, it's just like a pot crowd. Yes. They don't laugh.

Like, they laugh, but even if they really like something. They're enjoying themselves, but they can't express emotion. Yeah, it's very, like, It's not good for stand-up. Like, they should all just be watching, like, you know, cartoons or whatever. Like, you know, something that's not a... Adventure time. But it was fine. Like, I did fine. At one point, I had this bit about how we're running out of helium.

And then a lady interrupted the bit to talk about the fact... To talk about it? Yeah! That she, like, has a friend who works as a, like an underwater welder and that they use helium. And I was like, yeah, well that may be so,

but, uh, that doesn't fit into the bit. Thank you. Six year old. She also said that her friend spends up to 30 days underwater. And I was like, well,

that can't, it can't be true. And then I did a whole bit about how pruney your hands would get and it's like nobody in the room knew what that meant they just stared at me staring at my hands they started staring at their hands whoa man they were like oh it's because the water makes your hand oh that guy was funny that guy was i. That guy was... I did a show at a dispensary, and I was kind of loud about a bit.

And it finished where normally a laugh would go, and somebody was just like, Shh. You don't have to yell, man. Shh, we're trying to hear the comedic. It's like I can't even hear myself You should do Like the ultimate pot comic thing This sounds lame now Pot comic

Would be to write a whole act That syncs up with the Wizard of Oz Oh lordy A whole act that syncs up with The Wizard of Oz. Oh, lordy. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent to us via email. If you want to be one of them type of people, you can send it to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And this first one comes from Dave M. from right here in Vancouver. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Dave. Hi, Dave. I was at Trout Lake here in Vancouver, lounging in the sun while watching a co-ed baseball team warming up for their game. One of the more passionate players... I've watched movies start like this. One of the more passionate players was trying to give his team some tips and creative criticism. One of the more passionate players was trying to give his team some tips and creative criticism. One of which was, our play has been going up and down lately. We need our consistency to be at a level that's more consistent. Right? That's pretty good, yeah.

Absolutely. That's some good sports talk. Yeah, we've got to have our consistency up. There's a lot of sports rhetoric like that that's like 110% and sure and uh follow the game plan and you know just say things that are so redundant and make those yeah isms yeah what's it what's a favorite yogi bear ism i don't know um come on oh what are the yogi bear ones like i'll just goofy yeah things that are like he's a lovable old guy. Yeah, he says things that don't quite make sense, but good for him. He's still alive.

This guy with Alzheimer's has been coaching our team for 30 years. This second one comes from Alex in Denver. Okay. Mile High City. Have you played in Denver? I have. Wonderful place. All right. Great town. Never been Mile High City. Have you played in Denver? I have. Wonderful place. Great town. Never been. Sounds

chilly. Right? Thin air. Get drunk quick, run out of breath. Fun! Take a while to boil an egg. That's a Yogi Berra. You gotta go to Denver. Something omelette. I was at the farmer's market and the hippie running the artisanal dog food stand said to a customer,

It's like, humans are pets. I mean, animals are people. No, wait. I mean, people are animals, too. Close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Animals are people. Humans are pets.

I got that in a bar the other day with some girl. I was making fun of some guy because he had a belly. He was basing his whole fashion off Scott Weiland from Stone Temple Pilots. I mean, shirt open at a bar in Columbus, Ohio, with a sun tattooed around his belly button and eyeliner and nipple rings. Wow. And so the guy I was with was kind of making fun of him. I'm like, oh, he's doing his thing.

But then the drunk girl's like, hey, people, they're human. You nailed it. Yes. Are you a sociologist? That is wisdom. Have you heard Scott Weiland's Christmas album? No. What?

That doesn't exist. It exists. Check it out. How many times has that question been answered? Of course. Of course. I'm Scott Weiland's mom. He does I'll Be Home for Christmas

and he's dressed up like a troop in the 40s. But he's got his shirt unbuttoned and a tattoo around his belly button. It's probably the sexiest place To get a sun tattoo This last one comes from Connor G. In Scotland I was walking home

For lunch this afternoon I walked past a primary school That's how you know it's really from Scotland Since it was lunchtime The kids were out playing, and I heard one kid say to another, No, Greg. Girls don't have willies. Upon hearing this, Greg

immediately burst into tears and cried, I knew it! Poor Greg. That's complicated. Yeah, because he was hoping for it. Who dropped the ball? The primary school or the parents? Yeah.

Or Scotland in general. Just basic explanation of boys and girls. Yeah, right? Come on, girls. You can have willies. You give me the willies. So those were some overheards in the written info. Great work, written in overheards.

In addition to written in overheards, we also accept overheards by phone call. If you want to call us with your overheard, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Good morning, fellas. This is Marion in Los Angeles. I have an overseen. This one actually is from Burning Man, which I just got back from last night.

Wow. Fortuna. Burning Man, aside from the big, crazy structure they burned, there's all these weird art projects from different cities throughout the world. One of them, I believe from Alberta, was what I later discovered was a moose head. I mean, after I read the poster inside of it that said, hey, this is a moose head from Canada, I went outside and looked at it, and you kind of squint. Yeah, moose head.

But anyway, when I was around inside looking at the thing, because you can go inside and look at them, a lot of people had written things that were, I guess, they thought pretty clever. You know, like, hey, you found the bench, now have the sex. But written pretty small down at the bottom by the entrance to this thing, it said, what would Dave Shumka think of this? What would Dave Shumka think of this? Yeah.

Wow. What does Dave Shumka think of that? You know, I'm a pro Burning Man. We've covered that. Absolutely. I'm a big fan. I go every year. I guess I never saw it, but it sounds like a cool moose head.

Yeah. And, you know, I like Burning Man. Did I mention that? And how do you feel about Burning Man? I'm a big fan. Big fan of Burning Man. Big fan of BM. I was confused.

He's walking into the moose head I don't know if he's walking into the moose head Or into some display territory Where there was a moose head on display Yeah, and other art projects It doesn't sound so much like an art project As much as somebody had found a moose head Do they burn everything?

Does everything get burnt? A lot of people die Fingers crossed We're trekking down to Burning Man And then we're bringing everything back get burnt? A lot of people die. Fingers crossed. We're trekking down to Burning Man and then we're bringing everything back. A lot of people bring down stuff that they can't get rid of. There's a lot of biomedical waste.

A lot of futons. A sculpture made out of needles. Yeah, exactly. This is a mountain of old pillows. Those are impossible to get rid of. Yeah, like how much it's like, oh, it's the environment and the hippies and everything. But then it's like, this is a diesel truckasaurus. It's like, well, this was unnecessary consumption of fossil fuels.

I would like to see a diesel truckasaurus fight Burning Man. Yeah. Or somebody that just goes in like, oh, it's all in the name of art. And you just knock down Burning Man before they burn it Where is it? It's art, suck it I just arted you My project was on tripping a man

Of burning Where is it? Is it California? Or Utah? Or Nevada? I thought it was in Phoenix, no? I think it's Nevada Desert Oh yeah, Nevada, that sounds right Yeah, because they can do anything in Nevada no rules no rules out there

it's like the old west yeah a bunch of steampunk guys just like the old west next call as taught to us by wild wild west it's a top hat that I spray painted silver anything goes in Vegas.

Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Caleb from Seattle. Calling in with an overheard. So I was just sitting at my desk at work, and I overheard a conversation over at the water cooler. One of my co-workers walks up and apparently says to the other one who's standing there, Hey, nice shirt. Your wife get that for you? And the other guy just kind of dejectedly said, Yeah.

Yeah, nerd. Who's in an office that's still that much of a bully? When did Ogre get a day job? who's in an office that's still that much of a bully yeah when did when did ogre get a day job nice somebody that cared for you

get that for you so you'd look nice how's how's it being in love nice lunch did your wife make that last night

and even the leftovers are delicious loser we gotta go to senior frogs make that last night and even the leftovers are delicious? Loser. I'm going to go to Señor Frogs. I'm going to go Cabo Wabo. I wear bath towels

and I do body shots for lunch. I ain't no fucking queer like Daryl and his wife over here. And finally... Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Greg calling from

Vancouver with an overheard. My wife and I were just walking past the playground and a bunch of kids, boys around, I don't know, 10 years old or so, were playing together. And one of them was like, hey guys, you want to hear my new song? Guys, guys! And they weren't really paying attention years old or so, were playing together. And one of them was like, hey guys, you want to hear my new song?

Guys, guys! And they weren't really paying attention to him. So they kept asking, they kept ignoring him. So he started singing it, and the song went like this, which is, Hey everybody, suck my dick.

Yeah. This one goes out to everybody Didn't sing the darndest song That was a playground and not a bar I was at last night Everybody I think that's a Sam Cooke rip off Oh man that was great I think that's a Sam Cooke ripoff. Oh, man, that was great.

Well, they say, I mean, like, you don't need to have a ton of life experience to write a great song. That's true. It's emotion. You work from emotion with songwriting. Yeah, there's the universal that we've all felt that way. I feel like as long as what you write is true to who you are, you really want everyone to write it. Message supersedes ability ability absolutely look at taylor swift um now this brings us to the end of the program and as uh as always we want to find out if uh people uh don't know you online if they haven't seen you live, what's coming up for you? I'm going to cover that Hey Everybody Suck My Dick song.

Remix that. Every night. That just adds to the naked hotel room thing. I just have a theme song. He won't stop singing it. It's very late. It's so catchy. Stop calling here, Mr. Kinane. What is going on?

I am out in America, in the United States, primarily, touring nonstop. And you're at Kyle Kinane? At Kyle Kinane is my Twitter handle. Okay. You can get everything through there pretty much. All right. At Kyle Kinane. And you're constantly touring.

And can people, is there anything online? Do you have an album? I know that. I have an album, which actually just came out on vinyl through Stand Up Records. Really? So that's if people like that. That's outstanding. I don't have one yet.

Nobody sent me one, but people have them. That's awesome. So yeah. That's cool that you have an actual record. Yeah, that looked neat. Somebody brought one to a show. I was like, so that's what these look like. These are good looking records. But it's like, after other technology all falls apart, like, you only need kind of a needle and a little amplifier. Like, you could play that long after everything else has been destroyed. That's the saddest apocalypse.

Let's just listen to some comedy. You guys ever make a mistake and believe in yourself? This guy's depressing. It's the last record left. They break it to better society. Yeah, they break it and kill a guy with it. These would make better arrowheads.

As long as somebody's using it. That's you paying it forward to the future generation somebody's using it. You know, as long as somebody's getting their money's worth. That's you paying it forward to the future generation. That's it. Hunt with this. So, at Kyle Kinane, and thanks for being back on the show, man. Oh, thanks for having me, you guys. It's our pleasure.

Mm-hmm. Right? And Dave, do we have anything? Yeah, we do. We got next, well, this coming coming Thursday we'll be in Calgary. At the YY Comedy Festival. Yep. Uh, tickets available at yycomedy.ca.

Yep. Um, and, uh, that should be a lot of fun. And, uh, don't forget about MaxFunCon East coming up in a month or so. Sure. And, um, yeah, that's it's it right that's all we if you like the show tell your friends and check out maximumfund.org for a blog recap which uh dave does each and every week photos and videos relating to the content of the podcast so maybe a burning man photo or or a video of people having sex on a couch. Mostly I post pornography.

Maybe a photo of Rod... What is it? Not Rod Sterling. Filipino Rod Sterling. Yeah, yeah. Indonesian Roddy Piper. And check out the other podcasts on MaximumFun.org. And yeah, if you like the show,

tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself.