Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 24 - Sean Lecomber

Episode Date: August 10, 2008

A bona fide summer episode.  From Edmonton, comedian Sean Lecomber stops by to school us on Slurpees, waterslides, and the two Coreys.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Alright everybody and welcome to episode 24 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. We have roughly a full day of podcasts when this one is done. Yeah, by the time this one comes out, you could listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself for an entire 24-hour period instead of watching the show 24. Yeah.

Or you could do one one day and one the other day because it's your life. And, you know, stay in school and don't do drugs. I would sleep in between. You could, but Danny Glover wouldn't have. Was it Danny Glover? No, it was Nick Nolte I'm thinking of. Damn, I screwed up that reference. Which doesn't mean that Danny Glover wouldn't have done 48 hours.

Damn, I screwed up that reference. Which doesn't mean that Dan Glover would have been 48 hours. My name's Graham Clark, and I'm here with my summery-looking co-host in shorts for the first time since we started doing this podcast, Mr. Dave Shumka. Hi, I don't feel good about wearing shorts. Not a fan. They're nice shorts, though. Thanks. Pinstripe. Not a fan.

They're nice shorts, though. Thanks. Pinstripe. And our guest today, our first guest that was just in town for the week, and then we were able to get him on the show, from Edmonton, a hilarious comic, Mr. Sean LaComber. Hello. I'm doing good. How are you guys? Oh.

I'm happy to be here. We just watched some great footage. Yes. So I'm just soaring along. We watched the two Corys on the internet. But not together. Not the TV show, the two Corys. We just watched separate videos of each Cory.

Yeah, watching Cory Feldman sing that song, I honestly, I could start out every day watching that. They were both basically the last videos in the world either one of them would want you to see. Yeah, but they're the first videos in the world either one of them would want you to see yeah but they're the first videos in the world everyone wants to see and they were completely sanctioned by them at the time yeah like these aren't like embarrassing uh well they are embarrassing but no but like you know like paparazzi yeah they were handed because you know cory feldman at the time was like electric circus

honesty great song got my jacket off clean, got it back on clean. Absolutely no hiccups. Roll it. Really grinding my voice. We watched Corey Feldman perform Honesty on Electric Circus. Circa 19 what? 90? Yeah, it was early.

It would have been early 90s. Electric Circa. It looks like the Halloween episode. Circa Electric Circa. They don't have Halloween episode. Circa, Electric Circa. They don't have Electric Circus anymore, do they? I miss it. No, no. They went to video on trial.

They switched it. When was the last time, like, I was probably, I was in high school, I guess, maybe. It was the last time I saw, like, Electric Circus. And people would go outside. People would stand outside and dance. Yeah. That's right. And they were, like, but it was in Toronto, and it was filmed like the dead of winter so it'd be like all these uh people inside

wearing barely anything and then on the outside all these people in like the huge puffy jackets were really popular and you know there were probably comics that wanted to get on electric circus oh that was a credit like to be i was on the back podium. Remember the handrail up top next to the window? I was a silhouette dancer on Electric Circus. I think, what do you think the screening process was to be on Electric Circus? Well, when I was in high school, people would say, oh, they just picked people from clubs and they paid them in ecstasy. Yeah, because that's sanctioned.

Which is more than video on trial would pay they pay you in special they give you a tab of Trevor Boris that's street lingo really badass you get all the

wilichka you can handle somebody spiked the wilichka you can handle. Somebody spiked the Wilichka. But the Corey Haim was an awesome video. That Corey Haim video, I've never even heard of it before. It was like a promo video that he had made. Post Lost Boys and

License to Drive, but pre nothing. Yeah, pre falling apart at the seams. Oblivion. The funniest thing was I watched a movie, I didn't watch all of it, but I watched a couple scenes from it. It was a two-Corey's film.

It was the last one they made together, or one of the last ones they made together. And it was a National Lampoon one where they were at this resort. I don't know, was this you that I was telling you this about? There was a period where Corey Feldman dressed like Michael Jackson. Yeah. But even in his movies, like, the character he was playing also dressed like Michael Jackson.

And so it was, like, really... I think I did mention this before. It was, like, you were talking about Lisa Bonet having the Corey Feldman syndrome. Yeah, that Corey Feldman syndrome. Where she wore her street clothes in every... As her character. Right. Yeah, that's always a good feeling as a screenwriter

to have to write in a jacket. Like, we're going to have to write this jacket in. What kind of jacket is it that we have to write it in? Why doesn't he just wear it? Like, no, wait until you see the jacket. We're going to have to change the script because we can't not talk about it. It's going to not fit. It's a scene where they're all in a very fancy ball he's wearing a red leather jacket

it's like okay well this is the scene where we slay the dragon but cory comes in and we're gonna have to talk about the jacket before we deal with the dragon for sure like why are you wearing that jacket like it's my dragon slaying jacket why are you wearing that jacket from the future 28 zippers are you kidding me this takes place in the 16th century the zipper wasn't invented my mom made it just an idea of writing in a jacket for everything he does. Why is there an airbrushed Aaliyah and Lisa Left Eye Lopez on it? Yeah.

Yeah. Masking tape over the FUBU and just let her roll. Just kill a dragon with masking tape over your FUBU jacket. That was a thing, and I think I may have mentioned that before as well. When I was in New York, the 8-ball jacket is making a huge... I think you did mention it. I want to make that... Was it the green, red, white sleeves?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the classic... Full bore. Full bore. But they were, like, new, though. That was the crazy thing. Like, they weren't old, bashed-up ones. Like, these ones were, like, dead stock.

Like, so many... Someone bought a big batch on ebay international clothes can't be shut down everywhere you can't shut them all down international clothes yeah that's where uh like i don't know about here but in edmonton international clothes was the home of the eight ball jacket or you get london fog you'd have london fog that was just the worst london fogs ever for jackets and then you had the eight balls and they were always like on a rack that was outside the store all right it always had to be outside the store like because that was right this is the showstopper this is what gets people in sidewalk sale get those eight balls out there

before we go any further let's get to know us. Get to know us. Yeah. All right. So, Sean, you're from Edmonton. Yeah. Just in town for the week. Yeah, I'm seeing at the local Yuck Yucks.

Yuck Yuck Hilariodrome. And how are you liking it? It's good. Well, I love Vancouver. What's the thing you love the most about Vancouver? Just... Is it a coffee chain? It's called Blenz. Okay.

Is that it? With a Z. For those of you who aren't familiar with the chain Blenz, it's B-L-E-N-Z. Zed. Zed. They have wireless internet access. For free? Yeah.

All I got to do is drink a nice mocha outside and check Andrew Gross' blog and then go home. That's it. Yeah. So it's good. But that's when I realized that there are no blends in Alberta. It's been so long I've been out here that I forgot. What's so great about blends, though? It's just that it's like a chain.

Ice mocha. Oh, really? And they're everywhere. Now that he's mentioned it, when I was walking around downtown, I walked past six. I didn't realize there were that many. They're almost like Starbucks. There are a lot of chains

in Vancouver. It might just be Vancouver. Are there waves anywhere else? No. I've never heard of waves. No. I've barely even heard of waves myself. Are there...

That's really the only one. JJ Beans? Well, we were discussing London Drugs is only in the West. JJ Bean is certainly only Vancouver. Bean around the world? That's Vancouver. Really, a lot of the coffee... Anything with bean.

Yeah. Anything with bean has been touched on. There's Red Burrito. That's just Vancouver. Vera's. Are there more than one Red Burrito? There's three of them. Oh.

And there's four Vera's. And Vera's Burgers. Have you checked that out? No. Oh, tonight. Tonight, buddy. Do they have free wireless? That's really the deal.

That is, I will be a vegetarian for a night if you have free wireless. I don't like Vera's. No? I think they don't put enough on the burgers. There's too much that you have to pay to add on to it. Oh, okay. Yeah. I gotcha.

Like cheese is an extra $1.50 or something. What? Really? I don't know about $1.50. Come on. Maybe 50 cents. Yeah. Yeah, I never liked those build-your-own-burger-for-$20 kind of deals where it's like, you're going to

love all this stuff. They are good, though. All right. Yeah, the burger's all right. They're decent. Yeah. They're good kids. You keep at it, Veras.

Yeah, don't give up. Don't give up that dream Now, since you're from Edmonton Can I ask you about the mall? Yeah, West Edmonton How great is that? Do you guys not have one of those out here? We don't have a West Edmonton mall here

What the hell kind of a town is this? We have Kingsgate I've kind of assumed there would be an East Edmonton mall In Vancouver or something. No, it's a good mall. It's a big mall. They have a comedy club there. And it's a great comedy club.

And a roller coaster. Roller coaster. Have you been on the roller coaster? I've been on the roller coaster pre and post Four People Dying. I was on it post. I was on during. Oh, final destination. It was the cart in front of us. I've been to the water park there. Oh, yeah. I love the it post. I was on during. Oh. Final destination. It was the cart in front of us.

I've been to the water park there. Oh, yeah. I love the water park. Blue Bullet. Excellent ride. Corkscrew. Unbelievable. Just waves coming at you.

Children falling on your head. Tube ride. Is it? Although, if you want to go on a good tube ride i would recommend sylvan lake alberta sylvan lake on two brides there yeah i've been there many times now here's the question how old i guess like we are collectively we are all too old to go to any sort of water park outside of having our own children right at this point um i went once when i was uh like even 21 and I felt really old I would just wear like

water wings? No I would probably wear one of those caps and just pretend I was disabled and have just the time of my life just like a water cap Would you pretend to have the time of your life? I wouldn't have to that would come real easy I still love water slides as long as they don't have the ridges

like you know the ones with the ridges where every time you hit the new piece of the slide yeah yeah you get it cut it back yeah it uh but i like it like i like the outdoor ones uh you go on the like super steep thing and it's fun it's crazy yeah it doesn't seem like we should be uh not allowed i mean we're certainly allowed but it's creepy but it's creepy. But I don't think, yeah, I don't think societally we're allowed. I don't think that that's... You're not allowed to run back up to it. Like, that's the one thing that you lose when you hit 30.

Is you can't get off. You can't get off at the bottom of a water slide and then get out and run back up. Run back up. You have to walk. I think as soon as you're older than the lifeguards, then you can't go anymore. Get out and run back up. Run back up. Race you. You have to walk. It's just expected. I think as soon as you're older than the lifeguards, then you can't go anymore.

As soon as you're older than the guy that goes, go. Yeah. That guy. Yeah, because that would be embarrassing to have a 16-year-old dude be like, stop. And you're like, I've got a job. Like a real job. These kids are just here. They're fucking in school, but I'm a man.

And you're telling me stop? You stop. And then you get kicked out. That's what happens. I'll go down when I want to. Yeah, it's supposed to be ten seconds between it, and then you just, one little girl goes, and you go immediately after and let everybody worry about how that's going to turn out. Is it ten seconds?

I think they look at a mirror and make sure and always do it on the one that is like a full tube so nobody can even see what's happening in there i'm gonna get you just a big smile slide on down wait a minute you might want to give a 20 second break on this one toots and then just zip right down behind her. Have you ever gone down head first? Yeah. But well no this was the old trick

back in Calgary when we would do it is you would go because the guy would be like you had to go down like you're sitting but then as soon as you dropped out of sight then you do the switcheroo and then you were head first but every single time you would damage a part of yourself during the switcheroo it was terrible but worth it but i it doesn't because you were just talking about the ridges yeah and then you got like so you would get that on your your genitals

yeah and all of your front and the thing is then you're dropped off into this filthy goddamn pool with open sores. And there's all these kids around with open sores. It's just like the grossest. It really is the grossest. I'm surprised that more people don't come out with horrible skin conditions. My least favorite moment on water slides is when you're going down and then there's not enough water. So you kind of stop. You kind of start to really slow down at some point. And then you're like, there was a big lineup back there.

If somebody's shoulder blades and ankles, I'm dead. If somebody's coming down just only on two pieces of their body, and I'm just sitting here in the blue bullet. You start getting bored halfway down. Yeah, because there would always be these like corners where the water wouldn't quite negotiate and you turn just you just kind of just slowly scooting yourself forward in a panic i'm missing the show my thing uh too was like we would do uh you'd get a key for your locker that had a giant safety pin on it and you'd hook that to your fucking bathing suit and there was i remember like hearing at least several

times if somebody would come out of the thing and be like my key because it would oh it would inevitably snap off at some point so i'm sure like all these keys just like collected in a cup at the bottom of the pool how am i to get back to my Crocs and my wallet? Me and my friend would actually... My mom would drop us off at the water park in Edmonton. And we would go in there. We wouldn't even go to the water park. We would just go and check for unlocked lockers and steal everybody's money.

And then we would just leave. And then we would actually have to shower. To make it. And then leave. Because we had to simulate we would actually have to shower. To make it. Because we had to simulate that we've been to a water park. So we would go in, open the lockers, grab money, change, shower, get back into our clothes, and then walk out. We just had the time of our lives at the water park. But it was a business trip. What's the most you ever got?

We'd get hundreds of dollars because a lot of people are very cheap so what they would do is they would like kind of lock it make it look like oh we're locked sorry can't get in here but if you're man enough to check every locker what are you a pussy we're gonna check every lock and then they would like put the wall that somewhere like you know it was just funny it always made us laugh to see what yeah would be like under issue or like there would be a little panel inside the locker and they go let's stuff it in here because we didn't lock it so we're gonna have to be

tricky about it make them think this is all pants up in this one and it cost what a dollar to lock it a quarter man yeah well if we were just we're teaching people lessons yeah that's true yeah but then we did we only did it twice and we were like 12 or something that's a hundred with hundreds of dollars at 12 how awesome would would that be? It was pretty good. That's amazing. I remember when my friends were all going through their shoplifting phase. Yeah, that was definitely the big phase for us. It's a crazy thing because your whole life up to that point, you're paying for things. And then it just dawns on you, I don't have to do that.

As long as I don't get caught, I can just walk in anywhere and get gum. I think you've mentioned this on the cast. I think it was just like, I think I talked about it on stage the other night. Uh, uh, dead bunny or something like that. I think it's every kid's first drug.

Yeah. For us, it was like, we didn't know what marijuana was. It was at the Sunday service show. That's where it was. Yeah. Sorry.

Like we didn't know what drugs were at that time. So we were just like, this is an adrenaline rush. Yeah, like anything for a giddy throw, right? Yeah. And then you realize that there's other drugs out there that don't require you to potentially go to jail. I remember the first party I ever went to in high school.

Someone people crushed up Pez and snorted it. And I didn't because i was uh straight edge but i'm pretty sure the uh side effect was delicious mucus the uh the big i remember the hot ticket item uh shoplifting-wise, was these lighters that if you rubbed the outside of them, the dresses on the women would disappear. And they'd be naked chicks. La-di-da. That and naked girl playing cards.

They were 11 or 12-year-olds. You could trade up a lot if you had a dad with naked girl playing cards. I like the naked girl playing cards. Do you remember one of the video stores? Still to this day? I just think it's a classy thing. I like the naked girl playing cards. Do you remember when video stores... I just think it's a classy thing. If you go to a dry cleaner and he

puts a naked girl playing card in your coat pocket... That's a touch of class. That's called the professional's touch in dry cleaning circles. With the martinizing industry. Do you guys remember when video stores had like... They would put the movies in the videos still?

In the actual boxes? Yeah, so when you're in there, there would be like the box of what the movie was, and then behind it was the case for the movie, but it actually had the movie in it. Right, right, right. We would always get one of our, like movie we wanted to see, we'd go in there, we'd be there, and then we'd have one friend with real crutches that he was pretending to need, and he would go up to talk to the person that was working there and go, Excuse me, and then fall.

And the person would be like, Oh my God! And they would run from back behind the counter to help him up. And he would just stonewall it. He would just lay there. Try to help them up. And we would just take Top Gun, thank you very much, or whatever the movie of the day was

and then walk on out of there see you later I don't get the misdirection, it was just classic misdirection that's magic it's classic I was expecting what show did you do that for?

Anyway, there was no show. He would sneak out with it, but they would feel so bad that they wouldn't care that the alarm was going off. But back in those days, there were no alarm things on the videotapes. It was all... Because, yeah, eventually it came to that. Yeah. It was all – because, yeah, there was – eventually it came to that. Yeah.

There was a – like I do remember being a teenager and there wasn't those, you know, contraptions at every exit everywhere that, you know, let you know, let everybody know that you were a shoplifter. Why is there – and I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but outside of like a Blockbuster or a Rogers, most video stores, like the independent video stores, have a really weird smell. And I don't know what the smell is from. But the next time you're in a mom and pop kind of video store, just smell it. Because there's some fucking weird odor going on in there. It smells like we couldn't afford to fully renovate. It smells like we couldn't afford to get rid of what was here before.

Like there was a subway here, and we couldn't afford to redo the installation. There was asbestos in the walls, and it smells like a fucking hoagie, 12-inch hoagie. And we can't get rid of the hoagie-smelling asbestos, because we'd have to get masks. So that is probably what it is. Maybe. It smells like you couldn't afford to fully renovate. And Blockbuster will just tear that apart. Yeah.

But I love independent video stores, unless they don't have what I need, and then I go to Blockbuster immediately. Well, Blockbuster now only just has the top 20 whatever, right? Yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah. And now it's not like... Whatever Will Smith movie just came out, we got it.

And I love the fact that you can return things late, and they'll just let you know, like, no, you're under the wire, you're good. I returned something that was like four days late. Yeah. And I was like, here you go. How much do I owe? I want to pay it because I'm leaving Toronto. And he's like, oh, you're under the wire.

I'm like, oh, there's a wire that you can get under. Yeah. It's like 30 days. Yeah. Bingo. It doesn't matter to them because they're looking to crush their competition the best way to do that yeah like eliminate late fees like blockbuster now has they don't even need your business like they're

just in it to destroy now like they already have all they do need your business i heard a thing uh they they completely changed their business model because they were losing so much money to Netflix. Oh, of course. And now they hired the CEO of 7-Eleven to run Blockbuster and just run it like a 7-Eleven and just make it as convenient as possible. Right. That's the weird thing about... Yeah, but I can't download a Sl slurpee that's true how the hell would that help yeah there's really no competition yeah i can't download a g4 slurpee it would take hours

i can't even if you could g4 slurpee downloading uh two hours this connection sucks His connections suck. Blends. Slurpees are $1.20, but videos are like $5. I know. See, yeah, you're right. 7-Eleven will never. The crazy thing about 7-Eleven is they can just, it's whatever the, I don't know who it is, the people that had Office just dream up a thing. They're like taquitos, right? They're the grossest fucking things in the world

but they got them and they put them on the post they don't even look good on the poster if you can't doll something up at a photo shoot i just think everything looks good when it's spinning slowly in the in that grease pool yeah so you like see a taquito and you get to see the whole taquito yeah like there's no imperfection on that taquito. I've seen it rotate eight times. Have you had the taquito? Some of them are good. I've had a taquito. It's a crapshoot. Yeah. I like it.

It's my favorite slogan. Buffalo chicken. Buffalo chicken taquito? Yeah. Nice. That sounds really good, actually. Taquito sounds crunchy. It is.

It is crunchy, right? It depends on what hour of the day. It depends on... But just the word. I'm salivating. I like... What was it? It was a very failed thing.

And I had one during the three weeks that 7-Eleven... Like, that's the great thing, is they'll put it out there, and if it fails miserably, they'll just pretend it never happened. Yeah. They had these things that were called pizza sandwiches, right? It was a pizza sandwich. And they had it on the apprentice right and they had like a competition who could promote the pizza sandwich to the best so then i walked past the place in like port moody or something and then it said as seen on the apprentice so i was like i'm gonna try it and all it was was two slices of pizza like stuck together with anything in between 90 of it on like the front of the sandwich so that looking at it as a customer

you're like man there's a lot of pizza on there it's just squeezing it up and you're like oh it's all on that front edge every bit of it is on. It was just two slices of pizza flopped together so it made like a sandwich. So they're fucking? Yeah. Like two. It's like if you were an imbecile and you tried to make if you wanted extra pizza you're like well maybe if they have sex one will get pregnant.

Let's just push it together and leave it there for a couple days. See if we can get a little baby pizza. But I don't know why 7-Eleven is still the predominant convenience store chain. Is it because they're open 24 hours? Who else is open 24 hours for convenience stores? Max. We have Max.

Max is in Alberta. Yeah, Max is in Alberta. And they're called Couchtard. It's the same company as Couchtard out in Montreal. Couchtard. As in to sleep late. Or to stay up late. Stay up late.

But it's the same logo and everything. Yeah. But yeah, it's because it's 24 hours and because they're fucking everywhere. Like, where's the closest 7-Eleven to here? Not far. Nope. About five minutes, but the Max is even closer. I remember 7-Eleven.

Oh, that's right. The Max is closer to you where is the 7-eleven uh there's one on main and one on commercial i think yeah about equidistant oh the one on main yeah yeah that's right but uh i guess it's close max a couple years ago they've always had like an iced coffee drink that's separate from the slurpees. You listening to this, Sean? And then last year, I think they introduced a Slurpee, Slurpeccino. Slurpeccino. I never had it because I don't like

vomiting. Because I never need a liter and a half of coffee. I just don't like anything that starts with Slurp and ends in Chino. Yeah. Even if it's like Slurping on Al Pacino or something. I do like it. that sounds pretty attractive yeah but yeah i don't know like you got to be careful in alberta though because sometimes 7-elevens are closed like with labor shortages and stuff like i've actually almost

broken a wrist going into a 7-eleven in calgary because it was closed and And I had never seen a closed 7-Eleven. Oh, so you just like pushed like... So I just like... And then... And I had never felt a locked 7-Eleven door. That's got to feel weird. In my life. So it was just like, ouch! And they were like closed due to labor shortage? Yeah, because it was open at 6 a.m. or something.

I think I could get a job in Alberta. Yeah, I think we could all. Well, you live there. Yeah, and I we could all. Well, you live there. Yeah, and I have a job. Yeah, so we could both. Maybe open a 7-Eleven. I wouldn't mind owning my own 7-Eleven. That'd be all right.

My brother apparently got a Slurpee machine the other day. More than weeks ago. What? Like a real full size? I think it's because a couple years ago ago I remember he was looking for this. He found it on the Target website. There's a Slurpee machine. It's kind of, do you remember the old Snoopy snow cone maker?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a hyper modern version of that where you put in ice and it crushes the ice. And you have to buy the special syrup and it's it's made by or like it's got the 7-eleven name on it right and you'll make your slurpee for you um i mean talk about lazy here's a thing you may or may not know yeah calgary and winnipeg number one and two in the world for slurpee consumption oh i mean anywhere i go the numbers jump yeah are you like you i'm not just a slurpholic i absolutely love it i don't like that it's just sugar it's i'm just a just i just you're a giant hummingbird i'm a i'm the world's biggest hummingbird what are

your flavors i'm i'm the world's biggest flightless hummingbird. Watch her flap those wings, though. Yeah, I'll go to your grandma's house and suck her dry. Wait, what's at your grandma's house? Except for the fact that only grandmas have hummingbird feeders. Okay. Because that sounded so much worse. I know, yeah.

My grandma used to have a hummingbird feeder. I will mummify your grandma. I will suck your grandmother until she's nothing which wouldn't take long because but she had a hummingbird feeder and she would just fill it with red sugar water i don't know why red but just sugar water yeah they loved it uh do you know a good recipe for sugar water? Okay. While we're on the topic. Three part sugar, one part water? Yeah. Is that right? That's a lot of sugar. How did you know?

Well, because you basically want to bring it to its saturation point. Like, you want it to be almost entirely sugar, right? Yeah. You just got to keep mixing it up. Yeah. Because the sugar will... I want to talk Slurpees. Okay.

What flavors do you like? Coca-Cola, Classic, Pepsii that is the classic yeah uh depending depending on the consistency i'll go coke or pepsi yeah yeah whatever's the whitest is a little bit yeah if coke's a little runny then it's not the coke that i want pepsi can be a little bit like thick and you think that's too thick i want something more liquidy but give it time you're wrong you want something give it time yeah what do you mix them ever yeah if i if let's put it this way if coke is a little too runny and pepsi is a little too icy what a great combo yeah really a great combo yeah you mix those two yeah oh wow yeah you're progressive. I'll take a look at the consumer. As soon as I walk

into a 7-Eleven, I will look at the machine instantly and go, they haven't done anything since yesterday. You would make the perfect 7-Eleven employee because they think you care a lot about the Slurpee machine and then not about anything else.

I'd have the guy out every day just to tweak. even if everything's running smoothly just to have it perfect yeah it would be like nasa it'd be like we're gonna have a day when we don't check them yeah just for run diagnostics how are we gonna get the boys back from mars just run diagnostics or like run a simulation yeah like i want a computer hooked up to my slurping machine at all times that has levels and things that tells me, like, okay. This is good. We're getting too runny.

We're in the red here. Yeah, we're in the red. We're starting to get in the red. I love it. Let's dial it back. We're going to have to dial back our G-Force. What's a G-Force? G-Force is a Gatorade Slurpee.

Oh, okay. And it's basically just an orange crushed Slurpee is a Gatorade Slurpee. Oh, okay. And it's basically just an orange crushed Slurpee. But Gatorade is... It tastes like watered down, whatever the flavor is. Watered down purple, watered down red. Yeah, but you're right. Does the Slurpee taste like watered down? No, the Slurpee tastes like just the old orange crushed Slurpee.

And it's just like, you know, obviously Crush has had a falling out. Do you do a little sampling where you put a little in the bottom and drink it? Absolutely. Yeah. You have to. You're going to, right? That's a purchase. Yeah.

It's not fruit. You got to invest in it. Slurpee. It's like going to a gelato stand and, stand? Store. And you're getting little spoons full. But Max does have, I think Max has better Slurpees. I agree.

Because they're more sugary. Frosters. Frosters, yeah. Sorry. Formerly Slush Cats. Have you ever had, did you ever have the, what was it, Circle K? And they had like the fucking dog wearing the toque? What was that?

Slush Puppies? What was they called, Slush Puppies? Yeah. I think so. That's what they call Slurpees in England too. Anywhere. Anywhere you go in England. If you go for a Slurpee in England, Slush puppy slush puppy is the weirdest because when i we go to the states and like you

like i'm gonna get a slurpee but yeah that doesn't that didn't translate in a lot of the smaller towns was slush puppy and but it was had the fucking dog wearing the toque on it it's the same thing when i first went to like a dairy queen and had dennis the menace on the cup and i was like what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. For the Mr. Mistys. That didn't make any sense to me. Have you ever gotten a Dairy Queen? Yeah, an entire frame. They don't do it anymore, right?

Right. But there was never any cross-promotion in Dennis the Menace. Suddenly their identities were intertwined. I think what happened was the former CEOo of dare queen was like order a billion of them this promotion will never get old and then they were just stuck with them from the generations 60s yeah then they would just have bag burning parties when was dennis the menace invented uh by a scientist in the 17th century. By someone running diagnostics on the Whopper computer. Dennis the Menace?

Oh, he's been around since the 40s or something. He was around during the times when humor didn't exist just yet. He was the biggest thing. Humor hadn't quite debuted on the scene yet. So Dennis the Menace ruled supreme. Everyone learned to tap dance just in case.

It was 1929, the day after the crash of the stock market. Yeah. Black Wednesday. Asterix Day Dennis the Menace first debuted.

Check him out. Speaking of Asterix. And Obelix. I have nothing to say about Asterix. God bless him. Yeah. That's another one that's neversterix. God bless him. Yeah. That's another one that's never been funny.

That's the thing, but I don't know if that one was ever supposed to be funny. Maybe it just doesn't translate well. No, neither does Tintin. I don't think Tintin was supposed to be funny. No, it's not. It's an action comic. Right. And it's for kids.

Except that the thing is is that they were written a long time ago like there hasn't been a new tan tan tan tan written for like a long time so they're still like you know tan tan and the spear chucker like you know like what that's the worst thing but they have they've just like because they're still produced in Europe where they're still like, whatever. Racism is still very huge over in Europe. Watching the Euro soccer tournament, I've noticed every country has a few black guys, but they only play soccer. Yeah. Well, that was my favorite.

There's a story I was talking to Brent Butt, and whenever he's in Saskatchewan, or he goes to dinner or whatever, and the local celebrities are there. It's like him and then some people from the Rough Riders. And I asked him, I'm like, it's got to be weird to be a black guy in Saskatchewan. And he's like, yeah, I asked one of the guys that. I'm like, what is it like here to be black and in Saskatchewan? And they're like, well, I asked one of the guys that. I'm like, what is it like here to be black in Saskatchewan? And they're like, well, they assume one of two things. You either play for the Rough Riders or you're from the deepest, darkest jungles of Africa.

Those are the only two choices. Well, you're a long way from the jungle. Oh, wait, I saw you throw that. Oh, yeah. Well done. jungle oh wait i saw you throw that oh yeah well done uh speaking of uh celebrities in saskatchewan my friend was telling me maybe it was you no i doubt it when dog the bounty hunter and his wife did a guest spot on corner gas that was me what they were on corner gas yeah uh and she's jumping the shark bounty hunters wife uh they put them up at the the nicest place in saskatchewan regina so that's yeah like the um hotel yeah i think it's called hotel regina

and it was the hotel vancouver it was where the queen stays whenever she's in town yeah and uh mrs dog was like this won't do this isn't good enough she threw a shit fit and was like this won't do and uh yeah she shut up but that was boyd banks was telling this story because he was also a guest on the show the same or he was working on something else this hotel they had she was not good with it yeah considering like she grew up like and considering look at her now yeah yeah yeah exactly she had one fleeting moment where that wasn't good enough for her and now she's like i would live there you know like you guys are all on it like she

needs to be on ice whatever the hell ice is they seem to be just hunting down ice heads i don't even know what ice is but i'm just like ice is crack is it i want to make up is ice wine is ice crack in hawaii uh do you think it's something different in hawaii because it's hot there because that's where they are right hawaii maybe it's literally ice and like there's a guy that's got like the fucking corner of the market on bagged ice yeah because if that's true then they just feel like i'm addicted to ice i'd be like, let it melt and then drink it. I do it just water style. I wonder if you're running into problems.

Have you tried it? Your throat must be killing you. Yeah, ice is... Yeah, I think it's crack. Okay. Or speed, or I don't know. It's funny because, yeah, like... No, meth is... I don't know. Here's funny because yeah, like no, meth is

I don't know. Here's a question. There's a lot of hookers in my neighborhood. Crack hookers. Crack hookers. We give them nicknames for short. But we is crack is crack whore

just a universal term for someone who does crack or whoring activities for crack or any other drug? Ice? Meth? I've heard the phrase heroin pig before. So that could be just somebody who does too much of other people's heroin. Because I see a lot of characters in my neighborhood and I want to respect them.

I don't want to guess the wrong drug that they're on. Crack whore is... I think that is just... You wouldn't say she's... If you use meth, you're a meth head. But what if you're a prostitute who uses meth? You're still a meth head. There's no meth whores

do crack whores get paid in crack yeah probably or they would prefer but even if they got paid in cash they would probably push they get paid crack whores get paid in whore crack that's the beauty of the whole system it just feeds itself yeah it's just

there's a crack that is made specifically for whores that is fairly low quality. Because your pimp can either, you can either like take a beating or smoke the crack that he gave you. Now, are we being insensitive? Only Graham is. Right. But that's why I'm being brought up on a human rights tribunal. Yeah.

Right. That's right. Because there were some crack whores in the front row of your show. Yes. Fucking dykes. What up? That's how I open most of my shows.ores in the front row of your show. Yes. Fucking dykes. What up? That's how I open most of my shows. Crack whores.

He doesn't mean it. I finally read the Province article about Guy Erle, and Mark Dennison was giving some comment, too. Yeah. Who's Mark Dennison? Oh, Mark Dennison used to run Laugh Lines. Okay. And he was a comic before that, he is i haven't seen him in years

because he didn't stand up for guy earl at all he said like what he said was wildly inappropriate and yeah and i don't think if he was i don't think if he knew guy early would have stood up for me there it's it's do you know guy earl not really um but i just know i think both sides are wrong wrong go wrong go this is stupid they shouldn't be on the fucking front of the paper you're just jealous i am jealous but that's the only way comedy really makes the news is if it's like what are we gonna do with freedom of speech how far can performers go it's the only time anybody really cares about it but is that like is that when has that ever been the domain of comics to be like the defenders of that's not it's never been our fucking job no matter like i know a lot

of comics seem to think that their job is a hell of a lot more important than it actually is yeah but like especially when these things come up like i guess we're the front line testers i guess we're the barometer for society what can go and what can't you know no let's see how far i can push these impressions let's see if people can handle it can i say dyke before these bitches leave but yeah i mean i can't every i defend the guy because i know that like every comedian if you've been doing it long enough, you snap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've snapped. You snap. You just snap sometimes. I snapped over nothing.

For me, it's like the little wry smile. Somebody will be like a heckler, and your show is going poorly, and they feel like they're the one who's making it go poorly, and so they have this little smile on their face, this little smirk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, look at what effect I'm having on this clown and uh then i will snap yeah and i'll just try to say the most offensive thing i can say about that person but the thing that i think the difference is uh tone and ability right so like if you're a good comic generally you can

hand out an insult to an audience member or whatever a a heckler. And it's going to sound like a heckle, like a put-down. But in the wrong hands, it's somebody who's not that good. It just sounds like a crazy person. That's why Michael Richards got in so much trouble, because he didn't sound like a comic for two seconds. He just sounded like some lunatic. Yeah, but that's what I mean about Snap, is you are no longer a comedian.

I've had shows like that where a moment happens where I'm no longer a comedian on stage trying to make people laugh. I don't have any friends in this room. That happens once a night if anybody's listening. Nobody likes me. This happens to you once a night, right? This happens to me if there's two shows. One of the two shows. Sean LaCombe is going to lose his mind. I'll get a little overconfident because the early show went well

late show I'll go up with a little too much bravado and the n-word will fly at some point most of them aren't even black but it's just like shut up that n-word? yeah that one

and then I'll say here's your first guest, I guess. If you guys are going to be like that. Yeah, if you can't handle it. But yeah, I mean, I would defend you. You came out here to hear some truth. Am I right, comedy club patrons? Are you ready for some biting social commentary? That's my favorite.

My fractured take on the daily news. When people show up to my show they they know to expect something a little edgier yeah oh really no i'm giving them something different you're talking about like a society that's been like weaned on fucking just for laughs gags they're not going out like let's bend my mind they're like let's see a frenchman get scared by a trash can most people who do social commentary it's just like political dick jokes yeah you know what i mean it's not it's like you know it's like the premise will be like the war in iraq and then the punchline is you know like stuck my dick in her you know something like and then they're like abortion then they live on the

premise they're like hey that remember that premise i where i go with yeah political comics so and so you just kind of wrapped it into like george bush is stupid yeah and then everybody and it's funny it's like i love doing in alberta you still uh up until a year ago you couldn't make that's how you know that's how you knew the iraq war wasn't going well because george bush jokes started to work in alberta which is like the last holdout of like, don't talk about Bush because we're all in this together. Right. And then you're on stage as like the white terrorist going like, you know, George Bush

is stupid. And they're like, hey, white terrorist, take it easy. Yeah. And now you can go, you know, now you can say anything about Bush. And they're like, yay. We'll throw money at you. The search didn't work, so yay. Yay.

He's ineffective. Oh, lordy. Do you want to do overheards? Do you want to lay down a patch on that? Overheard. Overheard, everybody. Sean LeConver, do you got one? Are you ready?

Yeah. Keep this overheard into overdrive? Into overheard. Into overheard into overdrive and overheard into i yeah there was a i guess we already talked about crack whore i'll just call her like a drug addled woman okay yeah because you don't know what she does for a living i have no idea yeah drug accountant she looked like a scientist she was wearing a white lab coat. She looked like a street scientist. That might have been her nickname.

I'm into street science. What is that? A hooker. Yeah. So yeah, she... And then she... Yeah, a man came up to her and said, you don't look very good.

And she was wearing a silver bikini top and like a mini skirt. And he said, you don't look very good. she was wearing a silver bikini top and like a mini skirt and he said you don't look very good and she said i don't have to look good i live my life like a wild animal wow that was a great she's a street poet where was this this was on robson and the cardero wow next to the blends. Well done. Well done. And the corner of blends. It made me think, like...

And misery. I was... At the corner. Is there a corner of misery? Yeah, and then it just made me think, like, are there wild... Are there animals...

In the animal kingdom, are there, like, drug addict animals? Is there... I'm sure there are animals that are... The monkey that they make smoke. Yeah, because I thought, is there people that are like, don't go down there.

That's homeless bear country. But she has a good point. Her point is well found. When you see somebody on the street, you're like, man, they smell bad like that's the last thing they care about like they yeah you know looks or presentation is very low like in the jungle is there like an east hastings for squirrel monkeys where it's just like all the like squirrel monkeys with jobs as hunters no in the animal kingdom those animals die because there's not an infrastructure yeah

there's no social safety are there like brown bears that sit by a tree uh with like a can and just ask people for meat ask bears other bears for meat like hey man you got any meat you spread some salmon the thing that like okay like you know uh do you ever see that documentary grizzly man yeah so that bear that ate that he was like, he would be the equivalent to like a homeless bear. Because he was like ragged and out way longer than everybody else. He was starving and crazy. And so that's why he ate a human, which is usually like these bears would never. But he was like, I see something moving, I'm going to eat it.

Yeah, I guess in that context, a human would be like a dumpster sandwich. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. A pretty tasty one, though. That's a good nickname for somebody, dumpster sandwich. Hey, peanut butter and jelly and a cardboard only, get over here. No, that's dumb.

Cardboard only. Do you got uh yeah uh the other day i was at tysol my local pet store buying some treats for my little guy and uh the woman behind the counter at the pet store had her sleeves rolled up revealing a tattoo that didn't really fit for a sweet little woman at a pet store. It was a tattoo of a handgun, a pistol, and the word REVENGE. On his... On her arm. On her forearm.

Not really an overheard, an overseen, I should have prefaced. That's great. So that's like her note to self? I think a lot of times it's like you ask somebody why they got it and they'll be like, oh, I got it when I quit smoking. It was like some kind of reward tattoo. It was probably a reward tattoo for not killing

her ex-husband. Lindsay Lohan has a tattoo that says breathe on her wrist to remind her. Just breathe. breathe oh like to relax yeah so maybe hers is just just remember get revenge yeah because like that's the thing about if you're constantly pursuing revenge eventually it's just gonna slip into your subconscious and you're gonna forget yeah what was i all angry about oh Oh, revenge. But it's tough because...

By gun, too. She's a pet. She works at a pet store, and all day long she just hands out treats to cute little animals. You know what it is, though. She was in some really lame-ass band called Revenge, or Revolver Revenge, or Gun... Velvet Revenge. That just sounds like the employee that helped institute the long sleeves policy. Exactly.

It was too hot, though. She had to push him up. Push him up. I was at this cell phone store on Broadway. You buy international cell phones. And it was just one of these perfect moments where it's just like somebody opened a door at the right second and there was somebody walking by at the right second this is your overheard yeah yeah yeah okay i was standing and there was just happened to be a pause

in the conversation because i'm asking this guy about like converters and all this stuff and uh and then like at for some reason like the the boss walks through the door so there's a pause in the conversation and just as the boss walks through the door so there's a pause in the conversation and just as the boss walks through the door somebody on a pair of headphones walked past the door singing that christina aguilera song uh i'm beautiful but like super loud and that was the whole thing and the boss walked in and like then they the guys at the cash started laughing their ass off and the boss had no idea what they were laughing at because he'd been listening to her sing for blocks, right? But he opened the door and we only caught that as he walked through.

It was pretty magical. Was she beautiful? No, but it was like it was being sung for his arrival. As soon as he walked in the door, it was like, I am beautiful. And he was beautiful. Graham, I don't tell you this often enough. You have a beautiful singing voice.

You're lying. Don't make a face. What should we do now? Should we move on to... See if I care. You don't care. You're drinking, and then you're going to make pizza. I just wanted to say...

You're going to go to a rave at the art gallery. One of the delicious beverages we drank today is anarchist amber ale. Yeah. Ah. It's like a soft drink for something so hardcore. An amber ale is kind of not like a... If it was like a... Yeah, we can attach anarchy to amber.

Or vice versa. Small brewery, big flavor. Yeah, what's the brewery big flavor yeah what's the brewery cannery brewing company is that the one on the island I don't know yes no Penticton Anarchy really does rule in Penticton

if you've been to the Peach Festival you know that shit goes down it's an offshore brewery have you been to the Peach Festival? Yeah. And it's fucking off the hook. I was in Naramata one year when I was like 10. And it was the year they had a big...

I think they have a big riot every year. But they had a big riot in honor of MC Hammer who was performing at the Peach Festival. Whoa. And I think every year they roll over the giant peach. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's...

Please, Hammer, don't eat nectarines. Please, Hammer. Because this is about peaches. Too legit. Oh, the big song that was out that year was the one by the Presidents of the United States. Yeah. So that was... Vis-a-vis peaches.

That was literally blaring out of every speaker everywhere he went for the entire weekend. Millions of peaches everywhere he went. They're like, finally! A new fucking song

about peaches! The last time we had a song about peaches it was on banjo in the 20s. It was about a woman in the 50s. And she was a peach.

I'll give her that. Yeah. So what do you want to move on to? Big stuff What about Sean LaCombe Or Celebrity Crush Hat? Alright I'm curious Celebrity Crush Hat

Crush in the hats Celebrity Crush Hat Go fuck yourself Celebrity Crush Hat Chapeau Chinois Celebrity Crush Hat Crush Hat So you pick An age And we see who you had a crush on at that age.

16. Oh, that's a high point for crushes. And it has to be a celebrity? It's a celebrity crush fest? Yeah, I'm sure that you had some real person crushes. But they are boring. Yeah, we want your celebrity styles. If you want to look up

stuff on the internet we can pause it and look up that year 16 i would have been in grade 11 which show did i love in grade 11 there was probably i'm gonna go let's go canadian celebrities oh hey that's a twist that's uh No one's ever had a crush on one of those. Oh, someone had a crush on Caitlyn from Degrassi. That was me. Not anymore. Yeah, Caitlyn. Caitlyn was good.

Yeah. No, let's not go Canadian, because I can't think of anybody. I honestly can't think of one. Candy in the backbeat? I honestly can't think of one. Really? 16, nothing Grade 11 I was beyond crushes then

What were you then? It was just hate masturbating to you I was doing something horrible to her Right So that's beyond crush I had crushes when I was like 12 and 13 By the time I was 16 I was masturbating to raping you.

What? I don't like that you keep saying you, because that looks like it sounds like you're saying it to me or to Dave. Yeah, or to the listener. Okay, assuming you being some kind of a celebrity who had no idea that I was masturbating to raping you. Okay, then who was the last celebrity you had a crush on? Like Kelly McGillis or something. Like Weird Science Days.

Oh, okay, yeah. That would have been the last celebrity. Yeah, and then everything else was masturbate rape. Master rape. I didn't get a word of that. I don't understand those words. Okay, fair enough. But yeah, mcgillis weird science she had an accent right yeah british accent i thought it was a robot accent that's right she was kind of robo brit but she

i liked her in that a lot because she was at the whims of the two nerdy boys? Was that the big thing with her? Is that why she was attractive to so many people? But she didn't bone the boys, did she? No, she just had a good sense of humor about it. Yeah, that really seems like a flawed movie. It seems like Act 1

create the super babe on your computer. Act 2, have sex with the super babe yeah but she doesn't want she's not interested right but for ugly guys like me it was great to see her because she didn't have sex with the good-looking guys either yeah she brushed them off like they were nothing she had an affinity for the nerdy guys who did she did she end up sleeping with anybody i don't think so no they made a weird a weird science TV show, didn't they? Yeah. With Vanessa on gel.

Who's that? She was the woman in Kingpin. Oh, right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, first of all, this is the thing that I wonder about is, did the 80s ruin it for everything 80s, 90s that you can no longer make a silly as shit movie like that

and people will go see it and not just have it has to be soaked in irony just to get that because all those movies weren't like License to Drive is a movie about two guys that got a driver's license and Heather Graham, right?

And you're like, that... Heather Graham was in it? Yeah, she was the girl. Oh, I haven't seen it. Oh, really? Yeah. It's really bad. Like, it's really bad even by the Hames and Feldman standards.

Yeah, he didn't get his jacket off cleaning that one. That's for damn sure. But yeah, so like, but I guess you couldn't write a movie like that anymore. You couldn't write one, but... No, I guess, yeah, I could. I don't want to. I think those movies were terrible,

and I don't understand the huge nostalgia around them. I'd like to go to Just for Laughs, and somebody's like, do you write? Yeah, I wrote a spec script for License to Drive. Remember that movie? I wrote a spec script for License to Drive. Remember that movie? I wrote my version of it. And then just have it be the same.

The same as the one that was out there? Except change it to where we don't talk about Corey Feldman's jacket. We're done with it. I'm not going to talk about it. Let the jacket be the jacket. Let's not discuss it. Why is there a dragon in it? I'd like to see one of these movies where Corey Feldman is wearing a be the jacket. Let's not discuss it. Why is there a dragon in it? I'd like to see one of these movies where Corey Feldman is wearing a Michael Jackson jacket.

Oh, you've got to see it. It's called National Lampoon's Last Vacation or something like that. Last Resort, I think is what it's called. Oh, Last Resort. Oh, really? That's good. I think I've seen it listed on cable and I've been like, nope. Nope.

No series. But yeah, I think, yeah. I don't have the 74 minutes needed to watch this movie. I only watched about five, maybe ten minutes of it. It's like there was this old Rodney Dangerfield movie that I watched about the same amount of time of it. Where he goes broke and has to, I can't remember what it's called. It's called Hard Living or something like that. He's really great in a Caddyshack situation,

but everything else where he's actually forced to do dialogue and not just his act is really hard to watch. I love that. What's his line at the end of Caddyshack? We're all going to get laid? Yeah. That's great. My favorite line in Caddyshack? We're all going to get laid? Yeah. That's great. My favorite line in Caddyshack is where he's talking to the caddy,

and the caddy's complaining about how heavy the bag is. He's like, why is your bag so heavy? He's like, when I was your age, we used to lift ice blocks upstairs to cool our food. And the guy's like, so what? And he's like, so let's party. And he turns on the music, and everybody starts dancing on the golf course. Oh, I fucking love it. And the music's great.

Yeah. Any way you want it, that's the way you need it. You can't tell Dangerfield not to ad lib. Well, no, the story goes like he was making the movie and after the first day of shooting, the director was like you were great like how do you feel out there and he's like i will die and like i'm not getting anything out there because he's so used to joke laugh joke laugh and everybody's being stock silent he's a robot because he was he was a comedy bot um so yeah anyways that's a little anecdote put that in your pocket i'll edit that out oh

all right i think we've we've done enough damage sean you got anything uh long term to plug oh you've got a comedy now coming out sometime this summer right let's leave it at that yeah my homogeny now comes i don't know when it's going to be on uh i don't know i don't know when it's going to be on. I don't know. It's not this weekend. I know that. It absolutely will not be this weekend. I don't know if I got an hour or half an hour.

I'm assuming probably got to be half an hour. Did you wear that jacket that you always wear? The silky one? No, not the silky smooth. I didn't wear that. That's my favorite thing is of all the pictures on your Facebook, you're wearing that jacket. It always seems to be that. You're like a cartoon character pictures on your Facebook, you're wearing that jacket. It always seems to me that...

You're like a cartoon character. Yeah, I always convince myself that it's that temperature, you know, where I need to have that jacket on. It's not too cold. It's not too hot. Because we were walking around in the freezing cold in London, Ontario, and then the next day it was kind of warm and you were wearing the same jacket. I always convince myself that it's that temperature. But it's just like a little silk jacket. I don't know this jacket. Oh, go to his Facebook. You'll get to know it.

Oh, God. I've got to do that. Well, thanks a lot for coming on and being a guest. Yeah, thanks for having me. It was fun. Why don't you tell people where they can stick it? Why don't you guys... And can we edit out the masturbate to raping you thing

and just say Kelly McGillis? We'll see. Weird science, Kelly McGillis is good. We don't need to be. You don't need to be super graphic? Did you forget you were holding a microphone? Well, now we're

ridiculously short on time if we take that out. That's going to lose a half an hour. Okay, you can email us, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. We value your input and involvement. And we'll post a little recap blog, stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. You'll enjoy it.

And thanks for listening and if you like to tell your friends come on back for another awesome edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself Bye.