Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 240 - Myq Kaplan

Episode Date: October 23, 2012

Comedian Myq Kaplan joins us to talk about raw food, fillings, and complimenting strangers. And yeah, puns.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 240 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who believes in the power of brain foods, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, we were talking about brain foods not ten seconds ago, and trying to remember if there were any other than fish. I know that carrots were good for your eyes.

What about eating a brain? That seems like... Oh, that's why zombies are so smart. Yeah, exactly. They are our superiors. And our guest this week, a very funny gentleman all the way from New York City who's playing in town this weekend

and just released a new album on iTunes called Please Be Seated. His name is Mike Kaplan and he's our guest today. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being our guest. And thank you. Our gracious. But seriously, thanks for being our guest.

And seriously. Oh, I wasn't serious when I said thank you. Oh, okay. All right. Now this time, thank you. There it is. Thanks for serious. Well, let's get to know us.

Get to know us Get to know us So Mike What's going on? What's new? Well I'm here in Vancouver for the first time So come on out to my shows If you go backwards in time Absolutely Come out next time, one year from now Or you know, thereabouts

They say on this very date mike caplan performed yeah mike caplan appears like the great pumpkin to linus i came to see the yeah the mike caplan show but he hasn't played here for a whole year i come every week with my security blanket to the old pumpkin patch, a.k.a. comedy mix. The Kaplan patch. No, is that, what is it called? The Great Pumpkin? Yeah.

The Great Pumpkin is the person or spirit that Linus wishes will appear and believes will appear every time, yet I believe never has. Right. Oh, so is it a veiled thing about faith? Is that what that whole thing is about wow i'm not i mean because he's usually the one i guess he usually he's pretty spiritual but also very grounded in reality other than this one thing yeah he's usually the voice of reason except on halloween which makes sense because halloween is like of all the hall if you're a person who's like boo holidays whether you're a Jehovah's Witness or an atheist,

whatever kind of person you are, booing holidays. At least Halloween is the one where you're like, well, this one's fun. And it's more convenient to boo on Halloween. Yeah. Boo. Hey, yeah. That's why they do that. That's the spirit.

Boo Halloween. You got that right. Everyone loves Halloween or seems to. Everybody's getting into the spirit this year Boo And then you have some people But then also the very religious people Who are like Halloween is the devil's day And then everybody's like yeah that's what we dress up like him

And have a great time And they're like no don't you The greatest trick that never ever pulled was getting you to dress like him Yeah enjoying delicious candy He's very stylish. It's bad for your teeth. Yeah, I'm a big Great Pumpkin fan. I'm a great Big Pumpkin fan.

Is the special called It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown? It sounds like it's the economy, stupid. It's the economy, Charlie Brown. They don't have that episode because uh they're they've hit some hard times yeah oh charlie brown co they were all sleeping in that dog house have you seen i don't know if it's that special in particular but they they keep playing them year after year and at one point they cleaned it up and like the animation looks better and

the voices are a little different i might be wrong they start using a trumpet instead of a trombone for the yeah parents no they use some dubstep music skrillex brown yeah oh that should be a cartoon right skrillex brown and his parents just sound like a beat dropping that would that would be really funny because certainly that everyone listening that's not the truth that's not what they do okay they don't have dubs i don't think i haven't seen the new ones but i don't think they use dubstep for the parents but if somebody did dub dubstep in if if somebody stepped up and dub dubstep in uh then that would that'd be like a garfield minus garfield kind of feel like a

charlie brown plus skrillex yeah i would listen absolutely well what like a Garfield minus Garfield kind of feel, like a Charlie Brown plus Skrillex. Yeah. I would listen. Absolutely. Well, what else do I have to do? The Garfield minus Garfield thing is still happening, isn't it? The guy does a blog of just takes Garfield out of Garfield. Yeah.

I'm sure it's still going. I mean, it exists on the internet for sure, and they didn't take that away. Well, maybe not where you're from. No, I guess not. Where I'm from in china but yeah the i like that jim davis the creator of garfield has endorsed garfield like their their books like he's off he's like yeah go ahead put him out this is a funny thing to do

he's not well he's not starving no od merchandise alone that guy is but he could i mean he could still be a jerk but he could be like, you will give me money. Money plus money. He's a ghost, yeah. Ooh, to you not giving me money on Halloween. Down with the estate tax. It's the economy, stupid. I need it.

I also have a new, I'm going to really work on my own Spider-Man movie called Andrew Garfield minus Garfield. Oh, that's fun. And-Man movie called Andrew Garfield minus Garfield. Oh, that's fun. And a historical novel called President Garfield minus Garfield. And those are the only Garfields I know. Yeah, I was like, is there another? Nope. That's enough.

It's enough. Absolutely. We hit all the greatest Garfields. Is there anyone that you, have you ever known a person whose first name is Garfield? Yeah, several. Wow. Twins. Never. Whole name is Garfield? Yeah, several. Wow. Twins. Never.

Whole family of Garfields. Garfield Foreman, a boxer, and then his five children named Garfield Foreman. Garfield and Garfield. Maori. What is the name of the twins from Facebook? I don't know. I thought you were going for Tia and Tamara. I was.

Those are the only twins I can remember. Oh, the don't know. I thought you were going for Tia and Tamara. I was. Those are the only twins I can remember. Oh, the... Something... Kenan and Cal. Yeah, Kenan and Cal. Close. The Facebook brothers, what were they called? Orville and Wilbur.

Yeah. Well, please write us. Yes. Please write us. Yeah, absolutely. I'll remember it, but like an hour from now. So stay tuned. Yeah.

So you're in Vancouver for the first time ever. You're loving it. I'll remember it, but like an hour from now. So stay tuned. Yeah. So you're in Vancouver for the first time ever. You're loving it. I do. I am loving it. You, Graham, provided me with the names of several recommendations of, the names of recommendations of vegan, I didn't say it wrong, vegan restaurants in town. Did you go? I've been to, I just ate today at Gorilla Foods. Oh yeah, Gorilla Foods. I don't know if that was one that you recommended. But that's down near Gastown.

Yeah, I walked over there. What's the theme of that? Gorillas? Oh, yeah, you eat a bunch of gorillas. Which way is it spelt? The animal way. Okay. Yeah, it's not some guy in a bush with a rifle.

Well, I mean. I don't know. Sure. Yeah, the guy in a bush with a rifle kills some gorillas, provides to vegans and pretends these are made of walnut uh this is a walnut gorilla patty it's a lot of nuts it's a it's a raw food place so yeah i had a pizza that was made and the crust was made of imagination yeah i just imagined that i had a that's why i went into the restaurant i was like what do you guys have and like what do you want to think about this the sky is the limit uh i would like some have? And they're like, what do you want to think about? The sky is the limit.

I would like some brain food. And they're like, well, this will be walnut brain here. Walnut made of brain. That's pretty good. Yeah, they just do the Halloween where you stick your hand in some noodles. There's your brain food. Do you want some eyeballs? We've got some peeled grapes. Halloween is a very vegan-friendly holiday.

Absolutely. Bobbing for apples alone is that's fine everybody can enjoy that for all the delicious milk chocolate yeah oh right you can't have a milk chocolate you can have a soy milk chocolate absolutely cream chocolate what about a dark chocolate dark chocolate dark chocolate is totally fine if it has no milk in it um a raw now the raw food raw vegans are the only people that i'm like i can make fun of as a vegan. I'm like, what are you guys doing?

It seems very, because I have a friend who worked as like an assistant chef to a raw food chef. It seems like it's not a chef. One of the easiest jobs. Why don't you just move that food over here? Just, yeah, wash those radishes. Chop that carrot, separate this. Place this under the knife for me to chop. There's a lot of cranking.

I think there's a lot of, like, you know, making pastes. There's a lot of pastes. There's a lot of pastes. So, like, you got a pizza. What are the components of a non- Raw vegan pizza. Raw vegan pizza. I think that the crust was made of, like, flax or some combination of flax and maybe walnut for sure.

But did it hold together? It was made out of a linen shirt. Yeah. They just put it on your hand and they're like, don't eat your hand because that one's not vegan. Yeah, they just put it in your shirt pocket or your coat pocket. Just open your mouth and we'll throw in a tomato and then a bit of cashew cheese. So did it hold together with the crust? It was surprisingly, I mean, it was like a little dry, actually.

Okay. But I mean, there was like a sun-dried tomato paste on it. Okay. And a satay peanut sauce on top of that. Whoa. And some other, some kale. Kale's having a moment. Oh, yeah.

Kale is big. Right? Yeah. It's a superfood. Probably good for brains. Yeah. Sure. Can't be bad for your brains. moment. Oh, yeah. Kale is big. Right? Yeah. It's a superfood. Probably good for brains. Sure. Can't be bad for your brains. No.

Whatever it is. I think my favorite thing I had there, I had a soup, which was just like a cold sort of avocado-y greens with some tomatoes in it as well. Now that's, because there's, I heard that there's like a certain kind of wiggle room, like you can heat things up a little bit to a certain there's a certain temperature which is still uh considered raw act friendly accurate because like on a cold day like you're gonna want something right or do you just eat a hot pepper if you're yes right do you guys do you guys have any spicy peanuts? Yeah, do you have any heaven or something? Or something that's just been flown in directly from a very hot climate.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, sure, that would count. Or if it was something that was cold, but you kept it in your pocket all day, got it up to body temperature. On this very pizza, there was sun-dried tomato. It was dried in the sun, so who knows how the sun gets pretty hot. So a raw vegan, if he's an astronaut, he takes it as close to the sun as possible. He's like, look, this is, I can't help the rays.

So yeah, like if somebody made some soup and they're like, it's a raw soup, I'm just going to leave it outside for an hour and see what happens. Let's see if this cooks up at all. What dietary restrictions do you have? Well, I'm a raw vegan, I'm allergic to nuts, and I'm an astronaut. So it's got to be raw food, but it's got to be in pastes and tubes. Yeah, it's got to be. I don't even know how astronaut food works.

The only thing I've had is the ice cream as a child, and it was disgusting. I had a powdered thing that was supposed to be a NASA endorsed. Yeah, it was just, you just ate the powder. Like there was no water. Because if you poured water, it would just go whoop. Just add water to the environment of your spaceship. You know, if you want to travel through water. So don't do that.

Add powder to your face. Just add your stomach juices to this. So, you are vegan. You are not a raw food vegan. No, I eat some raw things, as is the norm. Fruit. I'll eat a piece of fruit. Why not?

A carrot stick? I will eat a carrot stick. Nothing's grosser than cooked fruit. I do agree. I mean, there's some grosser things, but I mean, I like where you're going. I like raisins. Isn't a pie cooked fruit? It is. It is. It's baked fruit.

I think baking and cooking could be different. Sure, yeah. Let's say nobody's wrong. Oh, so we're saying a broiled orange would be disgusting. You know, a sautéed plum. That actually sounds okay. There's a lot of great muffin work being done. Let's take a break and go have some

sauteed plum. Yeah, let's go have some fruit. There's some African meals that have cooked raisins in them, and I don't love those. I love a good nut and raisin combo, but I like the raw raisin. Rosins is not what they're called. They're just called raisins.

Are you telling me that there's not a product out there for raw vegans called rosins? Because if there aren't... And that's... I played the violin growing up, and that's what we used to rosin up our bow. Yeah. Great. This is great. Baseball pitchers use it on their hands, huh?

Some words sound like other words. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, it's what makes language so fun. Yeah. Well, especially because this is a word we just made up. Yeah. We made up a new one.

Well, they made up craisins. That wasn't a food. They. Yeah. Del Monte. Who came up with it? Ocean spray. Right.

You telling me they don't have any dealings with Del Monte? I think, is Del Monte the one that's real evil and, like, just you, they own all the seeds? Yeah. Monsanto? That's Monsanto. Del Monte the one that's real evil and like just you, they own all the seeds? Yeah, Monsanto. That's Monsanto. Del Monte Santo. But Del Monte is evil because they did like all the banana plantation stuff and were using almost slave labor.

Look, everyone's evil. Plantation? Banana plantation? Pretty good pun work. Yeah, this is really good. This is, yeah, good word work, guys. Just loosen up. Good word. I tried to put word and work together. I heard it. good pun work yeah this is really good this is yeah good word work guys just loosen up good word

i i put tried to put word and work together i heard it that was the it was the word it didn't yeah it didn't work it didn't work at all but yes i am i i mean i don't even i don't like labels man i'm like uh i'm not into labeling things i consider myself a non-labeler and And it's always fun when people understand me. But yeah, I think that when people think of vegans, they think, you're a jerk. You know? So I try to just be like, you're the jerk for thinking that. Number one, we're both jerks.

Or we're neither of us jerks. You know, I mean, I don't think that everyone need be a vegan. I think it's just important that people have a sense of what consequences their actions have, where their food is coming from. And over the past, almost only the past few hundred years, where the industrial revolution was like, let's cram them all in and do the horrible things. I'm more anti-torture than pro-vegan. We're both pro-torture, which is weird. This is an interesting conversation. I don't like my

astronaut food waterboarded. Don't add waterboarding. Oh man, it's so hard to waterboard in space. Yeah, absolutely. In space, no one can hear you scream because it's hard to torture. I wonder what NASA's rules are about water yeah what if you catch what do you catch a commie on your uh i put a bomb somewhere in this spaceship

what do we do we've got a tang him tang board him we gotta tang well i mean sure you know that's where an orangutan comes out of waterboards you. Yeah. Space ape. So, first time in Vancouver. Not first time in Canada. You've been to Canada before. I've been to Canada maybe half a dozen times. Oh, wow. I haven't thought about it, but that's my guess.

Yeah. You're an old hand. You know what's going on. Yes. And you live in New York. How's New York? We're going there in a couple of weeks. I think we'll be there the week this is released.

Yeah, we are in New York right now. What should we do? We should be hanging out. Yeah, let's do it. Hey, guys, what are we up to? We're going to be hanging out at 30 Rock. We're going to go over to Sex and the City. We were thinking of doing a Sex and the City bus tour. I think I know somebody who works on them, so if you really want to. sex in the city. We were thinking of doing a sex in the city bus tour.

I think I know somebody who works on them, so if you really want to... But then we were going to go and just ask a lot of questions. Who are these people you're talking about? Which one is Carrie again? Who do I get to have sex with in this city? Is it Gary? What is something that, as people who aren't New Yorkers, what should

we do? What is the thing? I mean, I know there's tons of things to do. Oh, there are many. I don't know if you've heard of Broadway, but there's a great white one. Uh, there's some shows that get put on there and then there's something that could put on off of that place and then other places that are even more off. It's very confusing.

How do you decide what's off Broadway and then what's off, off Broadway? Guys, I'm glad you asked. Here we go. confusing decide what's off broadway and then what's off off broadway guys i'm glad you asked my one of my best friends uh is a guy named sam and what if that was the end of the story i'm glad you asked let me tell you about sam who he is a he's got problems he's a sound engineer and among other things he works uh on some he's worked i believe on off broadway shows and off off broadway shows okay the other day at at lunch the past week, I said to him, Sam, what determines that it is off? Like, why is it off-off? And he was like, here's what I think. And then he looked up in his phone.

I believe to be off-Broadway, you have to be a certain size, like 100 to 499, I think, seats in the theater. And or you have to be 100 to 499 pounds worth of actors. You cannot exceed that you have a lot like 10 anorexics or you know regulars yeah dinner with andre but with two you know kind of beefy looking guys so andre the giant dinner with andre the giant only him uh if he eats you then another person can show uh and so it has to be the the right size theater, I believe that. And so that makes the theater an off-Broadway, like, certified thing. But then for the production to be off-Broadway, there has to be, like, a certain, like, union certified, either an equity actor. Forget the specific certification of an actor.

Okay. So if you don't have any of those actors, then you can't say that you have an off-Broadway production. You could be an off-Broadway venue. But you want to be off-Broadway. Like, if you're not broadway then you want to be off-broadway i think and but if you're not then you're like i guess we're off off yeah and then everyone can just call themselves anyone i think i'm pretty sure that anything is off off broadway so this is off off broadway this is an off-off broadway podcast well to be off broadway do you need to be near broadway no in fact there are there are off-Broadway shows that are on Broadway, and there are Broadway shows that are not on Broadway. But yeah, I mean, you could be off-off-Broadway in Brooklyn.

I think to be off-Broadway, you need be in Manhattan. I think that is... Okay, okay, that makes sense. I am, disclaimer, not an expert. Just talk to somebody with Wikipedia a few days ago. Somebody who works in the industry but also didn't know. Yeah. Somebody who was looking it up and sharing his thoughts.

Yeah, it's fun that it was like you presented him as an expert because he works in the theater, but then he just looked it up. I have a friend who knows all about using his phone. This guy's like a phone expert. Yeah, but that is because I've always thought like, well, yeah, technically everything is off off-Broadway. Yeah. Because. Well, technically everything's off-Broadway. Unless it's on-Broadway.

But yeah, so that's the thing that you can, I do like, there's some shows that are good. Do you go to Broadway shows when you're in New York? I went to see Book of Mormon. Oh, yeah. Because I heard. B of M. Yeah. Funny.

Yeah. It was good. It was very solid. I think worth the hype. I think everybody, you know, there's some movies or things that come out. I see movies more than plays, let's say, because it's true. Let's guys, go with me here. I see movies more. Okay. And there's,, sometimes you'll hear a movie, like, here's a movie, like, Juno is a movie that I saw. After having heard everybody rave, everybody's like, this is great. Like, yeah, Rotten Tomatoes, like 90 something percent. Amazing. I don't know, it was probably, it was a very, they got, it got a lot of good. No, it was so good. And then I went back in my mind and I was like, did everyone say it was so good? Or did everyone just say it was good? And then that means everyone's like, well, if everyone agrees that it's good, it must be the best.

Moving up a level. Yeah. Yeah. Because people so rarely agree. But I'm like, it was good. Like that happens. So I think, don't go into anything expecting. Expecting it to be so good.

But yeah, but Book of Mormon, I think it exceeded that. It lived up to the level of, everybody said it was great, and it was indeed great. Okay, we'll probably see Spider-Man. I also saw that. Did you really? I expected it to be very bad, and then was pleasantly surprised that it was only bad. Exceeded the hype. Yeah, went with a friend

who, it was actually right after I think they had rewritten the story. Okay. To take out a lot of the made up stuff. Yeah. I think that, I heard, do you guys know, I don't know if you're comic book people, but Brian Bendis. Oh, from Dream On. Maybe.

It's Brian Bendis. Brian Bendis is, he writes Ultimate Spider-Man, if that's still, I think it's still a thing. But like he's written that since maybe around 2000 when they rebooted the whole, you know, they're like, let's start Spider-Man again in modern times. Right. And that was sort of where the Spider-Man movie, initially, like the first Tobey Maguire one, took a lot of its inspiration and stuff from.

And so then I think they sat down with him, like, I don't know if the director, somebody from the Broadway show was like, sat down. We're like, what is Spider-Man? You see, a lot of people seem to enjoy it. I was on the interlude. I was on Mushrooms in Los Angeles a few months back, talking with a few other comedian show-busy friends. And we were like, Spider-Man and Batman.

We were talking about those guys. Who came? Why did? How did that happen like a guy's like how did what from like the very beginning like in 19 1930s somebody was like a guy dresses like a bat oh yeah he was first batman but yeah he was he was before spider-man was the 60s but somebody's like he dresses like a bat and fights crime obviously he's a he's rich and he like the whole thing it's preposterous and then they're like well and now billions of dollars are made in that guy's name like eventually it's like well now we can get

somebody to dress up like this guy oh yeah really like some other people are gonna write stories about him and then and then this guy is like adam can you get adam west oh absolutely i can get adam west adam west would be thrilled to dress like a man in a bat suit still to this day it would be happy to but it's weird it's like a 20th century phenomenon like before that i guess was did it just come out of the fact that people started moving to cities that uh superheroes were invented because there there are no superheroes well there was like ancient greek myths you know there was like theseus and perseus yeah there's there's gods yeah yeah there's always hercules yeah yeah uh but superman was the first right that was the first like yeah i guess there was there was just nothing in between

i believe there was like the the yellow kid or the rawhide kid or something the rawhide kid like is that a western yeah there's a there's a western i think he was old i don't know how old there's like there were like heroes that like you know't know how old he is. There were heroes that... No heroes. There were no heroes before Superman. But he was the first superhero. In the golden age of comics, Superman was certainly... He was the first, right?

He was in there in the late 30s, I think. It was Superman, Batman. Captain America came out around then as well. Captain America. No thanks. Right? News. Newsfest.

You know, these days I read comic books not based on who is starring in them, but more who is creating them. Oh, you're doing it wrong. Yeah. But I'm like, you're right. I should rather read a dumb story about Spider-Man. You should read a Spider-Man comic book if it's starring Batman. Oh, this one's guest starring Batman.

I've done a few. They have crossed over a couple times. Of course, sure. So who's a good, like, who's somebody who every time you see that they're working on a comic book, you're like, I gotta... Oh, Brian Bendis is one.

Oh, I heard that he worked on the Broadway show Spider-Man. You know, he actually didn't. Oh, nuts! They sat down with him and they were like, we'd love for you to be involved. And he was like, well, what's this? He looked at the story that they had and he was like, who is this? Like, Arachne or Ariadne?

Like, there was some, like, some mythical thing that they had just added. And he's like, this isn't really part of Spider-Man. And they were like, but we're having... And he's like, well, you're doing it wrong. And they yelled at him and got mad. And he's like, well, I'm just going to go back to my life then and let you guys screw this all up like if he was involved i'm sure it would have been great from the get-go yeah sure because he knows what he's doing great from the gecko great yeah they had a gecko man we're brought to you by geico uh great from the gecko geico uh yeah i like i like

bendis i like brian vaughn robert robert kirkman, who writes The Walking Dead, among others. Ed Brubaker, big fan. He's written some noir-ish things that I really enjoy. Alan Moore, Garth Ennis. Oh, that Alan Moore. What a crank. He's the crankiest old man. He's a crank, sure.

Yeah. Good stuff, though. Good work all around. Oh, yeah. He's a genius. When are they going to do the Watchmen musical? Well, he will not be involved. He his name off of every every movie that gets made with his characters now i don't know if you yeah are aware that seems like uh you missing out on a revenue stream there i think that he's just like well you're doing it wrong and i don't want people

to think that i uh what i'm like go ahead you know like he's yeah don't don't screw it up you're gonna screw it up never mind don't he's like leave me't screw it up. You're going to screw it up? Never mind. Leave me out of it. He's like the anti-Jim Davis. Jim Davis will sign up on anything. Do whatever you want. Give me the money. Alan Moore is like, get out of here.

Get off my lawn. I don't read comic books. There's a few you should. You should read Mouse. I don't know if you're familiar with that. Yeah, we have a copy of that. It's the Pulitzer Prize winning comic book. My wife reads them.

Okay. I see them around the house. Yeah. My mice that is. Then you throw them out. You throw them out. You say, I didn't think this was worth anything

because it was a comic book. Yeah. Your first editions. I put all of her comic books in my bike spokes. Ran out of baseball cards. Yes but yeah so that's we finished the brian bendis thing yeah we can't run that around full circle that's great we're all doing great so the point is i'm a vegan yeah vegan welcome to vancouver we're glad you're here for the podcast

thank you it's very very vegan friendly town i call it vegan couver yeah pretty good i don't call it that i called it that once and it was right now the end yeah the end and i apologize yeah oh yeah that's all that's all that need be as long as you say you're sorry you can say anything that's true oh yeah that's true it's an easy out um dave what's going on with you big week uh well uh of uh, do you have Siri on your phone? I have a Droid. You do not, then. Droid.

Um, I don't get a lot of use out of Siri, but I enjoy, uh, the only thing that's really good, that it really works well for me. Siri's where you say, hello. Hello, phone. Hello. You talk into your phone and you ask it to do things for you. Do you think there's anyone who knows what a podcast is that doesn't know what siri is probably true it's possible yeah anybody out there write in this also uh you know if somebody's picking this up on a shortwave

radio like somebody's playing this into a shortwave radio so truckers have something to please someone please do that yeah um so if you're listening on an 8-track. But it's probably more likely that you know what Siri is than a shortwave radio. Sure. Oh, touche. I'm glad that you said shortwave and not ham radio as a vegan. I'm not. I'm against that. Even the ham radios.

I told my phone right before I went to pick Graham up today. I was like, okay, I got to walk the dog. But I didn't tell this all to my phone. I had to walk the dog. Siri, I got so much Graham up today. I was like, okay, I got to walk the dog, but I got, I didn't tell this all to my phone. I had to walk the dog. Most of this doesn't involve you. I had to walk the dog and I was like, okay, so I need to be back here at home in time to go pick up Graham. So I said, okay, it's a 22 minutes till I need to pick up Graham. I told my phone, in 11 minutes, remind me to turn around. And so I completely forgot about doing this. But I was walking the dog. And then I reached the halfway point of my walk and I turned around.

And apparently it was before the 11-minute mark. Because at one point my phone just beeped and it just said, turned around. And it was, apparently it was before the 11 minute mark because at one point my phone just beeped and it just said, turn around. And I looked over my shoulder. I'm right behind you. Just a guy with pantyhose on his head.

But the other thing that happened this week is yesterday I, well, a few weeks ago, I was talking about how I visited the dentist for the first time in 14 years. That's a long time. You thought you could have just made it, you could have just died. Yeah, that was the plan.

What happened? Well, it turns out I've been taking care of myself too well. No, I got dental insurance. Oh, okay. Fun. Yay! And so I went to the dentist. Double fluoride. And it turns out I didn't actually see the dentist the first time. I saw just the hygienist and she...

Are they like a ghost of the dentist? Yeah. Why? There hasn't been a dentist here. This hasn't been a dentist's office for 20 years. You're in a bakery. But I had to go back. The opposite.

I had to go back. I had to go back a second time And the dentist Was there and she was like Okay well it looks like you've been grinding your teeth You might need a night guard And I was like I'm pretty sure I've Grind my teeth when I'm awake Unless you want me to wear a mouth guard

Like a football player No she meant a night guard like somebody to watch over you Yeah like a superhero named Night Guard The musical And a football player no she meant a night guard like somebody to watch over you yeah yeah like a superhero named night guard oh the musical and uh night guard and he fights hard he wears right god um yeah so i've been grinding my teeth and i have cavities because of it oh you grind cavities into your teeth oh well like not not uh like individual little holes but like uh a ditch down the side right and so i had to get a filling yesterday and i that is why i hate dentists so much like that's part of the reason i hadn't been to the dentist in 14 years is because it. It's because it just... Nothing more than fillings. Just, yeah.

Fillings of love. You prefer taste great, less fillings. Yeah. But I've just been so, like, focused on the pain of that and, like, the smell of your tooth when they drill into it. Yeah, burning tooth smell. Oh.

Gross. That's my favorite band. Burning tooth smell? Did I get that out quick enough? Burning tooth smell? I, uh... So, I went there That's my favorite band. Burning Tooth Smell? Did I get that out quick enough? Burning Tooth Smell? So I went there, and it was the greatest. I want to get fillings every day, because it was so... So much has changed since my childhood.

Dental technology. Yeah. They froze your face. They froze my face. But what used to happen is they stick a needle in your face, and then they just start drilling. And then... Yeah, cross your heart and hope to die they stick a needle in your face and they just start drilling and then uh yeah cross your heart and hope to stick a needle in your face then maybe there's a lady there who's like squeeze my hand if it hurts uh but now what they do is they uh they numb your stuff with uh they numb your gums they numb your stuff. They use like a topical thing to numb you before they even put the needle in.

They say, Romney and Paul Ryan. They do some topical jokes off the top. This is going to be a topical anesthetic. Mitt Romney bores you to sleep. Paul Ryan wears a backwards cap and lifts weights. And then they stick the needle in. And then they just wait for you to go numb. They never used to wait before that.

That's how far technology has come. They're like, oh, this wasn't instantaneous. Hold. Hold. But now they wrap a dental dam around your tooth they anchor it to your tooth and then they wrap a rubber condom around

your mouth and they bring it across and they say breathe through your nose but it was great my face was numb all day was that fun? no that was problematic the cavities aren't metal anymore Oh, mine are

The dentist I go to still uses metal cavities I think they still use metal for the ones in back that you can't see as much Yeah, so that was great I recommend getting fillings They're not that expensive either Mike, do you have any fillings?

I have some Let me tell you my fillings about it. A lot. That's all I had. I feel... All puns, no fillings. The most, yeah, the most recent time I went to the dentist was better than... I think there was one... Guys.

That one doesn't even make sense. But there was like one year where I think I had used like a Tom like a toms of maine no fluoride toothpaste and then i went and i had like ton like you know three four some a number of cavities because you need to have fluoride because that protects you from cavities yeah yeah uh and also don't grind your teeth all the time uh unless you want to go get now it's great go get fillings all you want yeah but yeah i've, but I have some. There's some fillings in there. Yes, is the answer.

Is that what you guys wanted? Yes. I wanted whatever it was going to be. I just wanted you to commit. Is this what you want? Yes. I got a lot of them. I'm very used to all the different permutations of fillings.

Have you noticed pain going down? The problem is... Left, right, B, A, start. My teeth have very, very thick enamel. Thickness is what counts. Yeah, yeah.

It's not the size of the wave, it's the thickness of the enamel. Ladies. It's not the size of the wave. Oh, motion of the ocean. But so fillings will have to get really big before they ever even show up on an x-ray. And so when

they do have to do a filling, it's like a big show. And the first time that I had to like I went and got a bunch of fillings from like a really fancy dentist. And they put in... They had a TV on the roof.

Monocle. It was Mr. Monopoly's dentist. They put in rhinestones. Your teeth look like cell phone covers. They put in all these... It was new. The white ceramic fillings. and every single one

of them cracked like they all broke so they had to all be taken out and they just replaced with metal ones and during that the freezing wore off 20 minutes before the end of the procedure and the dentist said we can't put in any more freeze because it'll like cause permanent nerve damage so either we can stop and you'll have to come in next week and i was like you're gonna stop with the whole like you just drilled holes in and then you're just gonna leave them like with tiny little pylons around them so nobody yeah uh yes or the other option was just to like keep going like we're gonna bear down and finish it yeah it was

i can see it being an effective torture doing that yeah totally that's what that's what they do in space yeah exactly drilling drills and then your weird tooth dust is just floating around in the capsule just add blood yeah oh yeah the blood. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Don't get a nosebleed in space, because it goes out and then back up. It's horrible. Yeah, so I went to the restaurants you recommended. And they? Great.

Wallflower. Oh, Wallflower's good, yeah. Excellent. Great mac and cheese. Oh, cheese in quotes. Yeah, fake cheese. Nice vegan selection there. Yeah, real good. And I had across the street, that whole neighborhood was nice.

The Foundation. The Foundation. They had some stuff there. Nice. Bought some Archie comics at the old RX Comics. I don't know if that's a place. Ah, yeah. I wish I got a whole stack of them looking to offload on an Archie comics fan.

Well, I'm here. All right. They're not here with me, but we'll work out something. To bring them to New York. Yeah. Good call. Simplest plan. Carry on.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, so that's my week. Mad drilling. Mad drilling. You feel good now? I feel good. I got to go back for the other side. Yeah.

So you're excited. Yeah. You're pro. After 14 years of no dentistry, my quick visit turns into four visits. Yeah. So kids, go to the dentist. You know what? Don't.

Because you're better off. Kids, don't go to the dentist because in 30 years, they'll just be like, boop, you're done. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. They'll just email you. I could have. That's going to be the future version, Graham. Email. They'll just email you a email. That's going to be the future version, Graham, email.

If I'd gone every six months for 14 years, that would have been 28 visits as opposed to these four. Yeah, but you could have really got into a groove. I know. Think of all the free toothbrushes, too. They all say hi to you when you walk in the door. Yay! As opposed to your teeth grinding a groove, right? Yeah.

Really get into a groove. Yeah, create your own groove. It's been so long since I went to the dentist that my childhood dentist has retired and died. You mean people can die in a very short amount of time. Yeah, that's true. It's been so long that he got hit by a bus yesterday. Yeah, like he retired and then just fell down a sewer. Retired does sound does and he could

have been old when you started well it was a she oh you know you always go to female dentists yeah and furthermore you're sexist not me i just made up the part about her dying that was a good story and i'm sorry that women can be dentists too. We're all sorry about that. I'm fine with it. I've always been fine with it. Lady dentists. To the moon, I say. So you are in favor of them? Or you're abusive towards them? He wants them to go to the moon.

The moon's the limit, is what I'm saying. Isn't to the moon, wasn't that how that's threatening to punch somebody on the honeymooners? Yeah, but you know what? I took that phrase back on behalf of wife beaters. Owning that phrase. And that shirt.

Yeah, exactly. I own a lot of those shirts. What if Neil Armstrong was henpecked by his wife and she was like, To the moon, Neil! And he's like, I can't wait. Just watch me. And it's been so long since that happened that Neil Armstrong retired and died. That's one of those jobs where you don't really retire from it.

Like, you're still introduced as astronaut Neil Armstrong. I mean, even though, well, like, presidents. Like, you're still Mr. President, but you are not the president anymore. Yeah, but you didn't necessarily retire. Oh, yeah, but I mean, like, if you're a doctor and you retire, you could still be called doctor because it's about the title that you've quote unquote earned. Right. Yeah, I guess you retire

but you can't retire from the position. No, yeah. You can't retire from the job, but you are an astronaut. It's the life I chose. It's the life that chose me. Yeah, exactly. Anyways, God rest his soul. Her soul.

God rest her soul. Neil Armstrong's female soul. We're talking about my imaginary dead dentist. Alright, Graham, what's up with you? Nope, there felt like there was another note. I was going to continue the it's too late now

This is my impression of Dave being mad It's Hursal and she's not even dead Okay It's Herstory Herstory with a hearse in it He puts the hearse in Herstory Well, she would, I guess Why wouldn't he be involved in Herstory? Maybe William Randolph Hearst He is the first letters of Hearst and Herstory. Well, she would, I guess. Why wouldn't he be involved in Herstory?

Maybe William Randolph Hearst. No, yeah, absolutely. He is the first letters of Hearst. Guys. We're going really down the looking glass. That's okay. I don't like us. And I love us.

Here's something I did. This was about a week ago. So it's still warm out. It's still warm and sunny here in Vancouver. It's warm in here. Yeah, right? And sunny. We're really cooking.

That's why. This would be great for raw food. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's bring in some pastes. Let's bring in various pastes. Let's have some warm toothpaste. Yeah, it's Tom's and me.

Grind a tooth. Hey, you grind some teeth. Grind a tooth into paste. Yeah. And that's a very different toothpaste. Our vegan pizza has Tom's and Maine toothpaste holds together the crust. That's the Toms of Maine ingredient. In a raw food place, is it just like wall-to-wall mortar and pestles?

That sounds like you would. No, they have it back. They do it all back there. I don't know what's happening. I mean, it's the sign. And so a lot of people go in thinking they're going to a pharmacy. No, they have it back. They do it all back there. I don't know what's happening. I mean, it's the sign. And so a lot of people go in thinking they're going to a pharmacy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, oh, no, this is a vegan food.

But stay. Yeah. We'll put some hair on your chest. That's why you would go to a pharmacy. I need some Rogaine for my chest. That'd be a funny little New Yorker-type cartoon. Yeah. Father to son.

Here, let's put some hair on your chest for Rogaine. that'd be a fun that's a funny little new yorker type cartoon yeah father to son here this would let's put some hair on your chest for okay oh okay let's let's go in on we'll all send it in as one like we'll come up with a pen name and then we'll just enjoy that it happened you know right absolutely i like to enjoy things um so here's what was this is this is the scene um it was downtown and there was a lady walking down the street, and she... Vancouver is famously known as the worst dress city in Canada. Really? Yeah.

Like, that's because everybody here kind of wears, like... Gore-Tex. Gore-Tex, or a thing that you would go climbing a mountain. Yeah, or yoga pants because it's comfortable yeah so it's a very comfort lots of uggs and people here are very outdoorsy so there's not it's not a uh it's not a city of i mean if if you see somebody wearing a suit you automatically assume that they work at a hotel are a businessman or going to a funeral like those are because otherwise probably all three yeah yeah what a day somebody fell down the hotel elevator

and business and funeral so i saw business and fell down the hill i saw a woman walking down the street in this beautiful dress that was kind of like, it looked kind of vintage-y from maybe the 60s. But she looked very well put together. God rest her soul. Yeah. To the moon. Yeah. And I don't ever do this because I don't know what the reaction of a stranger on the street will be.

I went up and I told her that I thought she looked really nice. I thought her dress looked great. Did you say, you don't know you're beautiful? No, no, I didn't say anything. I tried to make it as not creepy as possible. Yeah, I popped out of a garbage can. Whispered. And it went okay.

It went better. You have an admirer. I assumed that it would be, because people here, and maybe all around the world, are intimidated by a stranger coming up and saying something to them. I think maybe I was coming up asking for change, coming up fast, looking for... You've got that look to you. I'm looking for a message. Miss, I don't want any change, but you're beautiful.

Yeah, and I don't want you to change. I don't want any change in your outfit. Yeah. Because it looks good. But it went really really well i didn't think uh how well she just said blowjob she said yeah she said thanks and smiled and that was great i because i could have seen it going completely you know crazy i've had i've had the impulse to do things like that but then you know you always have the thought like they might get that all the time from jerks and creeps. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like, construction workers catcall and be like, mark me, hey, look at you.

Like, you look lovely. Yeah. That's a great dress. Yeah. Where did you get it? That color combo is simply splendid. You're making a perfect use of your autumn nature. But like, you know, like you have that instinct and then you're like, you back off of it because you're like, I don't want to seem like a creep, even though your intention isn't creepy.

But you're like, I just don't want to. So then the person doesn't get a compliment that they could enjoy, that they could have and deserve. They look good. they put themselves together we were uh as we were uh pulling up to the house today uh there was a couple walking and and i yelled not really yelled but he yelled it to me and i yeah uh uh you can do better but she really could yeah she's yeah cute as a button one of my favorite uh things from the office which was uh i I hear might be a joke from previous as well, but Dwight, about when he found out Pam and Jim got together, he was like, they could both do better. I like it.

But yeah, anyway, so that was the big event of my week is that I wanted to do that. I've seen many opportunities where I've wanted to do that in the past, just pay somebody a compliment. But I felt like it was gonna go down the toilet really quick. Do you think this is going to Floodgates are open? Yeah, do you think you're just gonna be Mr. Compliment?

Are you Mr. Compliment? I want to be Mr. Compliment. I do. Because I like a short, small talk conversation. I'm fine with that. Hey, let me tell you, Graham, I like your complimentary nature. I like that

you like it. Yeah, pretty good. I'd start just calling yourself Graham, Mr. Compliment. Mr. Compliments. I think there's a shortage of nicknames, so that's as good as you can get? Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Compliments.

You can't be like the Velvet Fog. No. Yeah. Well, until that guy dies. Mel Torme. The late Mel Torme. So that means that it's up, right? Yeah. Because when Frank Sinatra died, didn't they name somebody else?

I think it's like... Ryan Reynolds. I think it's like a patent or like a copyright where you know 75 or 29 some number of years after they're dead oh yeah

then the nickname is available yeah so like I hear it's just coming up on Shakespeare being the greatest writer the bard it's public domain

Mike the Bard Kaplan and everybody else at that point now is bard from using it. So everyone else can be the bard. B-A-R-R-E. That's why you're the bard. Yeah. I just wrote that. Write it down.

I'll keep it in my mind. Grumple it up. Like an angry letter. Yeah. Write myself an angry letter. You wrote this bard. How dare you. I read it and I feel good. That's pretty good. Do you want to an angry letter. You wrote this barter. How dare you. Oh, I read it?

No, I feel good. That's pretty good. Do you want to move on to Overheard? Let's do. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which a person with a set of ears, a set of eyes, just one ear, just one

eye. Even just one ear and no eyes. No eyes, one ear. no eyes only about hearing but you can also oversee things so you read something funny in braille no eyes, no ears overseeing sounds like a different thing that's like when you're a manager at a job

you need a clipboard I'm going to oversee this merger I'm going to oversee this attack on Batman merger was overheard. And so, yeah, we usually like to start with the guest. That's fine. But! That's awesome.

Oh, wait, wait, before we launch into this, it's time for my favorite segment on the show. A segment called Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News. Now, this is a segment in which we bring to you the latest up-to-the-minute Hulk Hogan news. It's the Hulk Hogan news. Now, this is a segment in which we bring to you the latest up-to-the-minute Hulk Hogan news from around the world. Mostly just from Hulk Hogan. Yeah, just tweets. Now, this is the thing.

It's been a crazy, avalanche-y couple of weeks, Hulk Hogan-wise, with this release of a sex tape. Yeah. Have you seen the sex tape? I have not seen the sex tape. Always worth it. Okay. See it. Yeah, absolutely. See it with someone you love. Yeah. I you seen the sex tape? I have not seen the sex tape. Always worth it. Okay. See it.

Absolutely. See it with someone you love. Yeah. I will do that. Run, don't walk. I'll see it with Hulk Hogan. Yeah. Oh, that would be fun. Yeah.

Yeah. He should do a viewing party where he, like, provides a commentary. Yeah. You know. And here, well, I mean, I lay it all out there. Yeah. Put it on the line. Yeah.

Brother. So, but because of this, he's been interviewed on every media outlet possible. I just thought about... Like this podcast? Yeah, he's been on here. Oh, we wish. Yeah. I just thought it would be funny if on the sex tape, he jumped off the top rope onto

the woman. Yeah. Does a back... Does his patented atomic leg drop. Yep. Pile driver. Hardly know her. So one of the things that he was on multiple, you know, doing interviews all over about his multiple orgasms.

And he was on, what was it? He was on one of his interviews, I think, on Howard Stern. He reiterated, I remember years, it felt like it was a year ago that we talked about how he said that he was the original choice for the character in the movie The Wrestler. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then Darren Aronofsky was like, nope.

So Darren Aronofsky, the filmmaker, said no to the first choice of whom? He was the first choice of Hulk Hogan to be in the movie. He was also apparently, he claimed to be the first choice to be the bass player in Metallica.

Yeah, and these are all things that have been disputed. He was supposed to be the guy in the Chuck Norris jokes as well. Oh, he would have been good for those. So he has done, he says in this interview, he wants to be in The Expendables 3. Well, of course, why not? We all want that.

He's so expendable. He's not even in The Expendables. He's in The Expendable Expendable. Him and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Jean-Claude Van Damme was in it, wasn't he? I'd love to have been in the second one. Was he in two?

Yeah. Was he? Okay, good for him. I haven't seen it. Good for him. But he said, as well as the wrestler thing, he also said that he turned down a role in Robin Hood Men in Tights. Okay.

I buy that. And he also turned down the lead role in the movie Highlander. So he was supposed to be... Sean Connery? Christoph Lambert? Yeah, Christoph. Yeah, he was supposed to be the... Christopher Lambert?

Yeah. The Highlander. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen it. I mean, they're currently... Is Sean Connery a Highlander? Is he one of those?

Wasn't he in that movie? Yeah, he's in that movie. He's in Highlander, but I don't know that he was a... I think he was a guy who taught... He hung out with... He was kind of a groupie of Highlanders. Yeah. Sure. He was like a Highlander But I don't know that he was a I think he was a guy who taught He was kind of a groupie of Highlanders He was like a Highlander Enthusiast Yeah he was like a turtle Groupie

He drove the Highlander everywhere Wore a backwards cap Tried to get his own Highlander projects off the ground But always needed the Highlander to bail him out. Hey, Highlander, I'm managing this rapper. Saigon. I'm Shygon. So that happened.

And then also this week, we got an email from a woman in Texas who is a university librarian and she was working with a class of freshman writing students and one student mentioned he wanted to write a paper on American values in professional wrestling. When I asked him if he had mentioned Hulk and Real American, the entire class

went silent and stared at me. Perhaps I don't look like somebody who would know that much about Hulk Hogan. Anyways, I told him that he needed to listen to Hulk Hogan News, and he ended up using it as an official source for his paper. So there you go. Hulk Hogan News.

Cited in... Yeah, cited in academia. Yeah. Pretty great. Wow, I miss university, how you could just make up a topic. Make up a topic i'll make up a topic and and a source that's a segment that i call academia nuts that'd be a good name for like anything yeah i think so yeah how is that not a national lampoon that's because it's too clever yeah it's gotta be it's like every bad

improv group is called that what academia yeah every college improv group most of them have improv in the name i think yeah home improvment yeah i don't think so dude um now really on to overheards for real this time okay um now we, now we'd like to start with the guests. Sure. If you'd lead the charge. Absolutely. I just overheard recently two guys talking about Hulk Hogan. They sound pretty cool.

Great guys. Great guys. Uh, no, I, I was at the show that I did last night at the comedy mix and I was, I finished my set and then I went around, you know I went around backstage out front to sell CDs and hand out cards for my podcast, Hang Out With Me. Yay! And sorry, you don't have cards. You're listening. But you can write it down and look at it.

Yeah. Type it into an iTunes or a non-iTunes. Anyway, the point is— A droid. A Zune. What is it? Is this called plugs? Yes. We're wrapping up the show this segment uh so i heard there at that particular show uh the the

one of the jokes that i end my set with is like a longer story about about a woman who had come up to me after shows uh after show once and told me some jokes that uh in in the bit like so they're like little street or like little riddle jokes like like, what are the, you know, what's this? What's that? You know, like where I didn't know the answer to them when she told them to me. But I, and the bit is all about how I think that normally when people do that, it's often racist. Like, let me tell you, let me tell you a joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and so like, I was, you know, thinking about these innocuous seeming jokes might be secretly racist. So the bit is about how I consider, how would that be racist? And then eventually she reveals what the answer is, and it is not racist. Oh, okay. But in this particular show, a woman had yelled out both of the answers. I would be like, what is this?

And she's like, it's that! And I was like, okay, well then, let's try. And it's happened before. And I'm not saying that initial you know, that initial impulse is wrong, because, you know, it's wrong to yell out in general. Yeah, absolutely, it is wrong. It's always wrong. But I understand, like, you hear the, you know the answer to a riddle, and you're

like, I want to yell it! So she did that, and I was like, alright, well, we're going to pretend like I'm, I didn't know it when I heard this joke, so we're going to go through my experience. And then you'll come up here and you'll do your take on it. Everyone will get a chance. But yeah, when you're the comedian, you do your thing. But then I was like, and so then I get to the next one,

so it happens twice, and I say, so now this time, if you know it, which is possible, you could know it, don't yell out, and it'll be, and we'll just, again, go through my, when this happened, I didn't know it, so we'll have my experience. And then I asked the question, and she yelled out that one as well.

And so then after that, and it went fine. The show went on. It's not, I'm not. Well, the show must. I'm still up. I believe the bard said that. As a professional comedian. Yeah, no-holds-barred.

I know what I'm doing. No-holds-barred. Did you know he was supposed to play both roles in that? No-holds-barred. But he's like, oh, but that's impossible. That would be a good sign to have out in front of a bar. No Hulk's part. All Hulk's part.

No Hulk need apply because you don't have to apply to come in. Just come on in. But then after I'm out front, I'm out front of the show. And I overhear, I believe, this girl and her friends. And she's saying like, those are jokes from like, of course, if I hear them, I'm, this girl and her friends, and she's saying, like, those are jokes from, like, of course if I hear them I'm going to yell them, of course. I don't understand. Those aren't even, those are old, that's, like, from two years ago.

I don't even think, I don't think that's the right assessment. Yeah, back when 7-8-9. Yeah. Back when 7-8-2009. Back three years. And I was just like, I can't believe, like, 2009, uh, back three years. Uh, and I was just like,

I can't believe like now I'm, I'm hearing. And I don't know how the rest of this segment is. That's the thing I heard. Yeah. That's very funny. Now we have applause. Thank you very much.

Oh, overheard over. You heard? Yeah. Overheard. Overheard. I do. Um,

I over, I heard that heard over. There was something, I don't know if I talked about it on the podcast before where there was a guy who was telling a joke and the setup for it sounded like it was going to be so racist that I told him I didn't want to hear the rest of the joke and then the punchline

wasn't racist and I was like now I'm the, because I fucking racist it the setup, like the racist it. Yeah. The setup, like the joke wasn't racist. But is that, was that part of the, you know, the thing of the, of the joke was that it was supposed to make you think it was racist? No, it's like the joke, it's very, it's a stupid joke, but I think it was like, how do you find Will Smith in the snow? That's one of mine.

Is that one of them? That is exactly one of the jokes we are referring to. So please don't give the answer. Yeah, yeah. But that's the setup. And because this guy was drunk at a bar after a show, I was like, yeah, I don't want to know. The setup is kind of racist. No, no, that is absolutely a joke that is meant to make you think it's going to be oh it is you think that's the effect is that because i don't think this guy

was that smart that he was trying to zig and say no he was just like trying to here's a cute joke i know yeah yeah but he was only trying to zig and you're like yeah i'm unziggable zig the impossible unziggable zig listen spice girls um Unthinkable Zig. Listen, Spice Girls. To Zig the Unpossible. To Zig, Zig, Zig. Dave, do you have another word? Mine is an overseen. I got out my clipboard.

This one is from The Bus. There's the occasional bit of what do you want to call it? Graffiti. Right. That's what I want to call it. Cause I'm, I'll call it that.

Graffito. One Graffito. Uh, there was some, uh, well, they have a bunch of advertisements on the bus. Advertisemento.

Uh-huh. Uh, and, uh, this one was, I don't even, I think it was for like the Canadian Women's Federation or something. It was like, the greatest, uh, it was for like the Canadian Women's Federation or something. Yeah, the greatest,

it's our best wrestling federation. Yeah, gorgeous Canadian women of wrestling. Wow. I'm from a different country and don't understand which part's fun. All of it. Okay, great, great, great. No, it was this some women's

thingy. And the advertisement said... Clitor great. No, it was this, some women's thingy. And the advertisement said... Clitoris. Yes, it was... It was whatever. A women's thingy. Yeah. A women's organization.

And the advertisement said, for girls growing up in Canada, it's tougher than you think. And someone graffitied on it just one word. Disagree. Yeah. tougher than you think. And someone graffitied on it just one word, disagree. Yeah. The great thing about that is it's open to discourse. Yeah. It's opening up. It's tougher than this person thinks.

It's tougher than you think. Yeah. So it's different for everyone. It's not as tough as I think it is. Yeah. But I think it's pretty tough. Yeah. How could it be as tough as I think it is. Yeah, but I think it's pretty tough. Yeah, how could it be as tough as I think it is? I've got to travel around with more markers, I think, in case that opportunity comes up.

It was written in Sharpie. Sharpay. It was written in a wrinkly dog. Dog wrinkle. How do you, as a vegan, how do you feel about using Sharpay? I don't think that's a real question. No, you're right. It's not.

You're right. It's not. You're right. It's a very stupid question. My overheard also came from public transit. OPT. A couple of people talking about, I don't know what the beginning of the sentence was, but the one guy said, his conclusion statement was, and that was the guy who invented PayPal. And then his friend went, he invented paintball?

That was really great. Who was the guy who invented paintball? Alec DeGranball? I like it. I believe it was Leonardo de Balci. The guy who invented PayPal was... Now he has... Did he go into space?

Oh, did he start that space prize? Or did he start Tesla motor scooters? Oh, yeah. He started the Tesla... Yeah, because the electric company or whatever. The electric company. whatever the electric company yeah morgan yeah he is the one who hired big bird yeah exactly um now in addition to right some more topical anesthetic apparently crossover wise they were gonna they were gonna

send um uh big bird was gonna go into space on one of these... Remember when NASA was kind of just doing anything for publicity? Yeah, they were going to send Big Bird into space, but the costume was too big. It wouldn't fit in there. This is true. Look it up. No, I know a guy in New York

who works sound on Broadway. He's got this phone. He's got this magic phone. I mean, also, there's other things to do besides Broadway in New York I didn't mention But uh Go to Central Park

The end Oh yeah Central Park's cool It's real nice Or I live in Brooklyn Near Prospect Park Which I also recommend What about Central Perk?

Uh yeah Go there as well And see Gunther He'll hook you up Good Paul Yeah Um Now

Uh Okay We also In addition to uh overheards that we do here we also get them sent in from around the world and um so if you want to do the same you can send them into stop podcast yourself at gmail.com and this first one is from tara in texas um This is a... She's a teaching, very tall guy... There's so many T's in this! Tara from Texas teaching tall guy? Very tall guy in workout clothes

saying, I'm so sore, I've never done so many squats in my life. Girl, really? Why? Guy, for breast cancer awareness. Duh. Duh. Yeah. my life girl really why guy for breast cancer awareness duh yeah yeah i mean i can't think of a better reason to squat um yeah absolutely especially if you're going to do a lot in a row you want to get somebody to sponsor that shit there's a lot of uh i like that they do it in the nfl that all the players wear pink i just read a thing that they keep most of the

money in the nfl for the breast cancer awareness what do you mean you know the all the money that they make selling pink things to people oh they like a clitoris yeah they sell yeah they sell a bunch of breast cancer awareness nfl clitorises clitori uh and i think the news is that they you know they bring in i think they've donated a couple million dollars but they make billions oh something so but they say that they the nfl says that they donate anything they don't give to the the official you know breast cancer people they have their own breast cancer like internal uh you know subset of the nF and they're like we give the rest of the money there so no further questions

it's closed what I meant is I think it's really cute oh yeah you like them wearing pink yeah it's adorable there's controversy less so didn't mean to bring down your adorable life there was a whole documentary about

about the industry that sprung up around that the breast cancer like because there's it has become this multi-million dollar industry that they sell oh we were talking about last last week or the week before there were these pumpkins at the grocery store pink yeah i'll show you a picture they're flesh tone really they're like flesh tone pumpkins they're as a vegan i don't think you could eat one no i don't want to yeah Yeah. I'll show you a picture. They're flesh-toned, really. They're like flesh-toned pumpkins. As a vegan, I don't think you could eat one. No, I don't want to. Yeah.

Well, sorry. You have to. Yeah, sorry. I don't know if you read the fine print on the huge contract we sent over. Oh, man. That is... I mean, obviously, with the big industry that the breast cancer awareness and fighting against it is, they all must like a subsidiary that's responsible for maintaining breast cancer to keep the or keep the industry alive yeah oh geez that's dark that's

dark yeah now that's some monsanto stuff that's a that's a deep next level shit i want to subscribe to your zeitgeisty newsletter it's not mine it's just uh some weirdo that I talk to. All right. So now we've got one. This guy. Guy named Joe. Parts unknown. From Georgia. Joe from Georgia.

This is overheard two co-workers talking about going to the bar after work. That's what co-workers do best. Now, two characters in this overheard are named Johnny and the other one is named Sheik. So, Johnny and the Sheik. Johnny was trying to get Sheik to come out to the bar with them after work. And Sheik was reluctant to go. Can you spell it for me, please? S-H-E-I-K.

Okay. Sheik. Shake, yeah. Yeah, Shake. Sheik. If you're nasty. Shake is the proper... No, they're both fine.

All right. They're both fine. right they're both fine one's iron it's either or either or either hey he was telling johnny uh okay well i'll start over again she johnny was trying to get the chic no not the chic no no these guys are detectives on tv yeah franklin was trying to get bash uh johnny trying to get Sheik to come out to the bar with him after work, and Sheik was reluctant to go. He was telling Johnny, Nah, man, I got shit to do.

I can't stay out late again. Johnny was saying, Come on, you know you want to come out with us. It'll be fun, and you won't be out that late. Come on, come on, come on. To this, Sheik says, Oh yeah, come on my ass pretty great pretty great um body yeah yeah absolutely right not all of these are intended for everybody yeah um but that one was yeah

um here's another one in the same column of blue uh-huh blue humor good bloomer i call it yeah uh this is julie m from victoria this is uh her roommate and uh boyfriend um having the intercourse what she can hear in the other room no after they're finished a few moments of silence then one of them press the That Was Easy Staples button. Pretty great. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Little novelty buttons. Yeah. It says that was easy. It's like a

red little button like you would have in a control room. Yes. They give them out at Staples so you can not have to talk to your partner just after having sex. Is that what they... Is it the easy button?

Yeah, I guess that's what it is. Okay. You press it and it goes. That was easy. At my old employer, they had one that said bullshit. What? So when you called bullshit,

you could hit the button. It was... That's for when you suspect a fake orgasm. Now, in addition to overheards that have been written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have.

Hi, Dave and Graham. It's Korn from Florida. I just saw the grossest thing. There's a van for an AC repair company. The name of the company was Climax, and their slogan was, if you're sweaty, we're ready. AC. Yeah, absolutely. I can't get over that this guy's name was

Korn. Yeah. How do you think you spell that? K-O-R-N? K-O backwards R-N? I think it's Q, like there's a fake meat called Korn. Okay. Is there really? There is. Q-O-R-N? I think it's Q. Like, you know, there's a fake meat called corn. Okay. Is there really? There is. Q-O-R-N, I believe. You spell everything with a Q. I don't.

I didn't make it. I don't even think it's vegan. I think it's just vegetarian. I think there's egg in it or something. All right. AC repair. What was it? When you're ready to climax, give us a show.

Yep. Climax AC. Yeah. That's fine for an ac company i guess so it rhymes when you're sweaty we're ready well it doesn't make any sense like they're ready regardless of the like you don't have to oh yeah well like if they show up and you're not sweaty they will walk away yeah yeah, you can get an AC installed middle of winter if you want. But that's not the standard. Like, when you're sweaty is when you should start thinking about calling us.

Sure. Oh, like, yeah. Like, they'll be ready. Yeah. When everyone's sweaty, though, their, like, demand is going to be high. They're not going to be ready right away. They're saying they will. That's true.

Yeah. When you rhyme a slogan, there's... will. That's true. Yeah. And then when you rhyme a slogan, there's, yeah, that's, that's the law. It's ironclad. Truth and rhyme.

Next phone call. Hey, Graham, Dave, impossible guests. I haven't overheard for you. This is Matt from Chicago. I was walking my dog last night and a bike cop was driving down the street,

or riding down the street. And so I was asking him a question about some law. I was wondering if my car was parked illegally. And so I was asking him, hey, is this going to be fine? Is this going to be okay? And we were talking about it. And my dog's jumping up on him, and he's petting it, and my dog and him are getting along.

And then a cop pulls up in his truck, and he looks out the window, and he goes, Hey, Dave. And Dave goes, Hey, what's going on? He's like, Oh, the dogs love you. He's like, Yeah, I just can't help it. And then the cop in the truck says, Well, we got another sexual assault.

And then the cop on the bike just goes, Of course. Oh, man. What a real... And the cop on the bike just goes, of course. Oh, man. What a real... You guys are having a fun conversation about dogs. Yeah. Well, I mean, you bring it down all the time, man. It's tough being a cop.

You've got to live it every day. Is it? That's what that ad on the bus said. It's tougher than you think to be a cop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disagree. Yeah, I wonder if it is. It probably is pretty hard to be a cop. If there are any cops listening, feel free to write in and confirm or deny how hard it is to be a cop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disagree. Yeah, I wonder if it is... It probably is pretty hard to be a cop.

If there are any cops listening, feel free to write in and confirm or deny how hard it is to be a cop. I bet it's a little bit fun. Well, yeah, I mean, I think it depends what kind of cop you are.

I mean, like, there's a lot of that if you just do paperwork behind a desk. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant like a dirty cop. Yeah.

Like, that would be a lot of fun. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's probably the most fun. But there's also risk. I mean, that's the thing that people are always like, wow, that's dangerous if your life is being threatened. That would be not hard. I mean, if you like that sort of thing or if you're into it.

That's what it would be more exciting than an average job. Hard on your family if you have one. That's true. Not knowing whether you'll live or die every night. You get to drive around a lot. That's fun. You get one of those computers in your car that looks like it's a carrying case for some ratchets yeah yeah people say yeah people say that being a comedian is hard they're like

i could never do that but it's just like everyone has their own thing that they like doing that they're good at what are the next three jobs you think you could do that you're best cut out for yeah like after comedian what yeah that's a, that's a good guidance counselor question. Is musician allowed? Yeah. Well, you, because you do. I've been a musician. And I could be a teacher.

I think my parents were both teachers. I've taught music lessons and other such things. And one more. Horse cock. Oh, no. That's pretty good. Chic, probably. Yeah, absolutely. You look like. Horse cock. Oh, no. It was pretty good. Chic, probably. Yeah, absolutely.

You look like you can really just get into lots of pillows. Why do I associate chicks and pillows? That maybe is an old-timey version. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think you set up your harem in the desert, and you throw around some pillows. Have a pillow fight. Yeah, that sounds fun. Yep, harem in the desert. you throw around some pillows. Have a pillow fight. Yeah, that sounds fun.

Yep, harem in the desert. That's my final thought. Okay, and here's your final overheard. This is from the kids say the darndest category. Oh, I love it.

This is one of the darndest ones we've ever heard. Oh, man. Dave Graham, magnificent guest. This is Luke inattle with an overheard uh i don't know if it technically counts because it was said to me but it's it's pretty great uh

kids are the darndest so i was uh at at my home and my three-year-old daughter was uh like playing some watercolor paints and she looked up at me and said dada you're my last hope what what you asked what and she said my last hope for stickers yeah absolutely so great first and last hope for stickers yeah oh there was another. That's right. Pretty adorable. Mm-hmm. Right? Kids, keep it up.

Kids really love stickers, probably more than just about anything. Still, that's really interesting. I mean, there's so much more technology now than when we were kids. It's true. But, like, I think if you give a kid a sticker, like, they still... They'll stick for a day.

But you teach them how to stick. You guys are really... You guys are really connected here today. Give the kids some paste. They'll eat for a day. But teach them how to paste, and then they'll make some stickers. They'll make a vision board. Well, that brings us pretty much to the end of this here episode. Now, Mike, you you got all sorts of things

you have things going on and you have a brand new album out that it's called please be seated that is correct and it's with micah sherman that is also true and it's so funny is it was it all recorded in one evening or is it different shows three evening evenings. The main, the bulk of the album is one night at the comedy studio in Harvard Square in Massachusetts where Micah and I both, we hosted a show together for a year or two.

And then I also started, that's where I started out. It's also where like Eugene Merman started and some other folks. Also, that guy from A Beautiful Mind. Oh wait,

that might have been Princeton. Yep, yep, different place. Russell Crowe. Nash, Professor Nash. Just read that. I can't think of any famous Harvard folks. Goodwill. Goodwill hunting. The Coop.

Do you ever go to The Coop? Go there sometimes. And then we also recorded a night at the Improv Boston. Another venue there. And so some of the bonus tracks, night at the Improv Boston. Okay. Another venue there. And so some of the bonus tracks, some of the stuff is live. Most of it's live from the comedy studio. Some bonus tracks live from Improv Boston.

And then a few from a studio. Yeah. And you have the pop song is really, really fun. Okay. That one you can watch a video for Bop 25. Yeah, Bop 25. There's a music video online. And you can watch that for free. There you go. And it is a lot really fun. Oh, thanks. There's that one. You can watch a video for Bop 25. Yeah, Bop 25, yeah. There's a music video online, and you can watch that for free. There you go.

And it is a lot of fun, and you guys, it's not just the songs. You have, like, good banter. That's nice of you to say. Yeah, man. Yeah, there's, I think in between, there's probably, like, maybe a dozen songs, and there's, like, 20-something tracks. Yeah. So in between many of the songs, there's us talking.

And it's, like, like Seven or eight dollars on iTunes It's unbeatable It's probably on Pandora now These are all places That you can download things And you also have a podcast I do have a podcast now Called Hangout With Me

And you can listen to that Wherever iTunes Or there's a lot of people who are like What if I don't want iTunes Hang out with me, and you can listen to that wherever, you know, iTunes. Or there's a lot of people who are like, what if I don't want iTunes? Then you can get it at the source. There's like an RSS feed you can get. Just go to CoolSuperCool.com. Really?

That's the name of the podcast network that my show is on. So CoolSuperCool.com, and it'll lead you. And then look at the shows. There's only, there's like four shows right now. Maybe by the time you're listening to this, there's dozens. Everything's been taken.

I came up with some Harvard people. Oh, great, great. Garfield and Garfield Winklevoss. Great. But yeah, then, so yeah, go to that, go CoolSuperCool.com, look at, hang out with me

and then perceive it, stream it, download it. Perceive it? Yeah, perceive it however you like. Yeah. Look at Hang Out With Me and then Perceive It. Stream it. Download it. Perceive it? Yeah. Perceive it however you like. Yeah. Receive it however you like.

Incept it however you like. But yeah, very excited. We've got, as of this recording, I think four episodes have come out, but two come out every week now. So how many do you guys do a week? One. Then I'm going to catch up. One.

And we're... It's exhausting. It's exhausting. And also, you travel around. You're doing stand-up comedy. You go from city to city. If people want to keep track of that... MikeKaplan.com.

Mike, M-Y-Q, Kaplan, K-A-P-L-A-N, dot. It's a period. Com, C-O-M. Not C-A-L-M. No, yeah, dot. Com. Thanks so much for being a guest. dot it's a period com c-o-m not c-a-l-m no yeah dot com um

thanks so much for being a guest dot's not sure if we're Dorothy my Kaplan Dorothy com um thank you for having me

oh it's been a pleasure it's been a pleasure it's been a pleasure oh but over here it's been a pleasure it's been a pleasure it's been a pleasure

great um sorry Dave anything you need to cheers plug are you doing It's been a pleasure. But over here. It's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. Great. Sorry. Dave, anything you need to plug? Cheers. Are you doing Canadianisms? Yes. Sorry.

Is cheers a Canadianism? It seems. It certainly is. Yeah, we do say cheers. People say it more here. It's annoying. I've done three shows here so far as of this recording. And after every show, I'm giving out cards and selling CDs. And many people, more often than not, say cheers.

Yeah, it is like a Britishism. It is a Britishism to say cheers. It seems like there's a lot of British people here now, or a lot of British... It's people who went there for two weeks. Have Madonna. Fortnite, I believe. Well done. No, this week we will be in New York City.

And the Poconos. See us at the Spider-Man musical. Well done. No, this week we will be in New York City. Yep. And the Poconos. See us at the Spider-Man musical. Yep. Starring as Spider and Man. You can spy Derman there. Yeah, that's it. May God have mercy on your souls.

Absolutely. And if you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out all the other shows that are on the network. Oh, and thanks to everyone for donating on MaxFunDay. Yeah, you're great! Oh, even though this episode was a good place to end. Yeah, we already thanked them. Ah, you know what? Thanks. Thanks. Sorry, the thanks is no longer valid. Yeah, that is.

That is off the table. It's too late to be thanked. If you want to get in touch with us, it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.