Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 243 - Conor Holler

Episode Date: November 13, 2012

Conor Holler returns to talk about pizza shame, bomb scares, and hospitals.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 243 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who likes to rock and roll all night and party every day, Mr. Dave Shumka. Ah yeah, cheap trick. They still have it.

And they really know how to market themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got the cheap trick coffin. Yeah, cheap trick pinball game. Yeah, you know, keeping up with Bunny Carlos, the new reality show. He was the drummer. That was great. I don't think he's in the band anymore.

I think they've... No, it's because he's on reality TV. That's right. We don't have time. And our guest here today is a returning guest one of our favorite guests a very funny man makes his home in toronto but once upon a time used to be from here in vancouver and uh he's an improviser sketch comedian i would say as well yeah just all around he's working on the internet he is here with us today mr connor ho Holler. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me.

Thanks for coming back. Yeah, I'm so stoked to be here. Nothing's changed. No, right? No. Water under the bridge. There's a couple more suits hanging on the door, so that's cool. Well, I gotta feed the moths. Do you want to get to know us? Sure.

Get to know us sure get to know us dave says you'll like how you look he guarantees it that's why he has all these suits here for you to try this is the men's work warehouse men's warehouse oh just yeah you're thinking mark's work warehouse yeah men's work warehouses where guys who like kind of do some home DIY stuff, but they also have to wear a suit. Yeah. It's like cops who are also the kind of cops that wear suits. Yeah. Yeah. Like they have like a poly blend that's spill proof. Oh, yeah.

And zip off bottom. Yeah. yeah um would if you were working for a guy who showed up in a suit with zip off uh like the pants turned into a short and also the jacket turned into a vest would you modular yeah would you feel like more confident working for that person or less well yeah what if he was like your lawyer your court-appointed lawyer if he was my court-appointed lawyer. If he was my court-appointed lawyer, I'd expect him to step on his skateboard and take off from every meeting. Check you later!

Oh, man. What if you had a lawyer that had dreads? In Jamaica? No, no. A white guy with dreads. Okay. Here in Canada. If you were... I think if you if it's court appointed you're allowed to are you allowed if it's a court appointed lawyer are you allowed

to just be like pass it's like a lineup of uh lawyers the officer is speed dating with them you sit down for 30 seconds so what did did you do? I killed a guy. Don't tell anybody. So what's new, Connor? Tell us all about it. What is new? Well, I'm here for the Vancouver International Improv Fest. Boy, is it international. It is international.

There's someone from Amsterdam. There's somebody from Italy. A lot of people from the US. Is that what makes it international? They just bring people in? One Italian guy brings it to that level. Absolutely. Was his English good? On point, he was good. Or did he do it all in Italian?

No, I mean, his movement was Italian. And he was making clearly Italian jokes. He was gesticulating every time he talked. But his English was conversational but performing in that kind of setting and like that kind of speed i can imagine would just be such a difficult thing to do you know so out of your comfort zone yeah yeah like uh the uh the iii f the Italian International Improv Festival.

Yeah. How would you feel in there? In that kind of setting? Yeah. I'd be kind of, I think I'd be at home. I mean, like I,

I gesticulate a lot. I think they would be, they would probably be more, I imagine, easier to improvise with than coming over here. Cause over here, it's very, a lot of talking,

kind of petty. And over there, you know, they do a lot of clowning and stuff like that. A lot of nude ladies. Yeah, Roberto Bonini. A lot of mugging. Rococo. Yeah. Tishin.

The Medici's. What's that TV show I watch? Oh, Sexy Car Wash. Yeah, Sexy Car Wash. What is Sexy Car Wash? Sexy Car Wash, I've describedxy Car Wash. What is Sexy Car Wash? Sexy Car Wash. I've described this on the show many times. It's on the TLN, which is just the, I think it's like... Latin network?

Yes, Italian, Spanish, and maybe Portuguese. Oh, okay. And it's this Italian show. It's a game show with two contestants And they're both in a car And then when they win Ladies come out and wash their car All sex That's the prize for winning the show?

No money? Who needs money? What were you going to spend it on anyway? It's a bikini car wash Every time I win some money I always get sucked into the bikini car wash every time i win some money i always get sucked into the bikini car wash i just think tits get the wax on the best i'm sorry sorry if any uh have you heard any of your listeners um connor i have a question and i

i don't know if i've asked this on the show before. Okay. But it's something that I can relate to. And it used to be the only thing, it was like the major theme of your Twitter account, was a certain shame that you felt for the amount of pizza that you had delivered to your apartment. And you would always be embarrassed if your neighbors saw you. That's a huge, that was my Twitter feed for a long time. And then, you know what, eventually I start, well,

I forget why. There was some reason that I stopped ordering so much pizza. Because you have a girlfriend now. That's part of it. She does not happy when I order as many pizzas as I was ordering. When you order like four pizzas at once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Multiple. I remember.

The middle of the day. You're talking about multiple meals in a day. The worst was when I ordered a pizza. I ordered Domino's because I knew that they had a website where I didn't have to interact with other humans. For 30 seconds. Yeah, yeah. And I ordered a pizza.

It was like, I woke up I woke up, it was probably noon, 12.30. I'm like, I don't want to make anything. Let me just log into my account and order a pizza. I have an app on my phone. I do have an app. Go to my homepage, dominoes.com.

And then I hit, I selected my meal or whatever deal they had that day and i ordered it and it tells you where you are in the queue based on their opening you know like what number pizza you you um what what customer number you are right i was number one i was the first guy in that whole like of Toronto to order a pizza that day. But was it like a Wednesday? It was like a middle of the week type situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not a lot of people ordering pizza at 11 a.m. Some people got work. Some people like to chill. Yeah. Now, did you ever have the same delivery person or go pick up from the same location and that people kind of knew who you were. Oh, my God. You guys are hitting on a real deep well for me right now.

Well, because the reason I bring it up is because, well, we had pizza here when you arrived. And our recycling is just stacks and stacks of hot, hot wax of pizza boxes, and it's just staring me in the face. Oh, yeah, that's tough to look at. Yeah. That's your day of reckoning, when you have to put out the recycling. And that's a shameful activity, too. I remember, you know, I'd let the pizza boxes build up on my kind of inside recycling.

you know, I'd let the pizza boxes build up on my kind of inside recycling. And then, you know, once you get to like six or seven boxes of pizza out there, I was like, well, I can't let the neighbors see me taking these out. So I would like separate them into like stages. So I'll take these three out today and then I'll take those three out tomorrow. But what about the four pizzas you order then? That's the catch-22 of eating a lot of pizzas and being very ashamed of it. Yeah, there's no way to just go, oh, I'm going to pick it up

and I have my pizza container, so we don't need to box. Oh, yeah, just like a to-go mug? Yeah, yeah. Something washable? Yeah, it's just like a big round plastic container and you just pour the pizza. It's like two giant Frisbees that lock together.

Yeah. And it presses down so that you can put it in your bag vertically. Oh, that's so gross. So then nobody has to... Or it's just its own backpack. Like those little gym bags that are just sacks. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, think of how bad it would smell. Think of how your whole back would smell. It would just sacks. Yeah. Oh, think of how bad it would smell. Think of how your whole back would smell. It would just be grease. And it would be so hot on your back. It's burning you all the way home. Oh, that's why this... This delivery pickup. Pickup.

Your own box, or would you like a box provided? Oh, I'm bringing my own. I'm bringing my pizza bag. It's ten cents for one of our boxes. Or free if you bring your own reusable one it's like whole foods there's a business model there oh my god i always i always got delivery because i think that's the the beauty of getting a pizza like i love it's like the

ultimate order in kind of food right and you know the the amount that i was ordering i did get and it was always from domino's because you know they had the website and this guy's other pizza places that have websites you know i'm a creature of comfort but this guy he started coming back he was maybe like 20 let's say late 20s and he would regularly he became kind of the regular pizza guy wow it was it was weird because you know like i shouldn't be embarrassed to talk to this guy but i was and i like but but my desire to not make food like a normal adult overrode that uh shame and i would have regular conversations with him i knew about his family he would stand at the door and have like full-on conversations with me and you know

it got to be kind of weird. It's kind of getting in the way of the pizza at that point. It's like when you go to a drug dealer's house and you're like, okay, just give me the drugs and I want to leave. And they're like, no, I want to show you my cool blue-site statues. I want to talk to you about pizza. Hey, do you like drum and bass, bro? And you're like, I almost exclusively don't.

It really might be the one music that I will not even touch. What about Jungle? Yeah. I think of myself as a... What about Trance? I could get on board with Trance. Sure. But only if you go to the right drug dealer.

I think the first time you were on this show was the episode where we chose Armin Van Buren's trance podcast as our rival podcast. Yeah, and then later our sister podcast. That is like, I loved that so much. When I heard that, I was like, these guys, they got something good. Oh, sorry. Well, I have a very important question. Yeah, I always do. um oh sorry well i have a very important question yeah um i i find that the best places no matter what uh food uh pizza or otherwise the best places have like the slowest delivery uh and so i quite often will go and pick up and what i'm finding is that um now that now that you pay for everything with a card, even when you're

picking up, it comes up on the screen. Do you want to leave a tip? And are you supposed to leave a tip when you're picking something up? Oh, yeah. No. I mean, come on. Like, it's, you know. But it feels weird, right?

It feels weird. It does feel weird. Yeah, it does. It's like they're asking you. You know? They're like, can I have a tip? And it's kind of put you in a position where you're like, no. Yeah, it does. It's like they're asking you, you know? They're like, can I have a tip? And you kind of put you in a position where you'd be like, no.

Yeah. Well, have you ever, as a habitual pizza order, and I am the same. I order pizza all the time. And they always try and sell you an extra thing. A dippy dip. Yeah, some sort

of cinna-twist. Or a Pepsi. Because it's all just the same bread. Yeah, exactly. This bread doesn't have to just be dipped in red stuff. We can dip it in a golden brown. Yeah, do you want fudge bread? Brownies are huge

at Domino's. They'll always try to upsell you on the brownies. Have you ever allowed yourself to be upsold into... Not a chance. Never? Never. Never once. For desserts, ordering desserts from a pizza place is crossing a line. Yeah, when it arrives, it still

tastes like pizza. It's in the same box. It's in the same bulletproof bag. It's like after you've finished a greasy pizza, you're like, ooh, time for a treat. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to eat these brownies. I'm going to just die.

Yeah, so that's your line. That's uncrossable. Yeah, I mean, I've ordered other proteins from Domino's. I've ordered their chicken wings, their chicken tenders and stuff like that and those are pretty good but like with a pizza yeah once i ordered them with no pizza oh man and then i ordered two orders of chicken tenders because the one order didn't

cross the delivery threshold so they when they delivered them to you, are they in tinfoil? Oh, God. Because they're in a pizza box, and there's a tinfoil bag inside with your dinner in there. Oh, man. So was that really like, I'm really through the looking glass here? I'm just getting the chicken tenders, no pizza? From Domino's? From Domino's. Well, I no pizza. From Domino's?

Well, I've been going to Domino's so often, you know, you want some variety. Sure, absolutely. I didn't want to look like a weirdo. You know, that's one thing that I'd love to have. I'd love there to be like a transcript of my order, like complete order history from Domino's. Oh, Jesus. And then graph that. Can you imagine graphing that over time and seeing this month an accurate reading of how much Domino's you've consumed?

I thought you meant like a graph where like pizza is worth a different value than a brownie. But no, you just mean raw amounts of pizza. Raw data. I just want to know kind of where i was at you know that in terms of the food when you hit bottom so now now that you're you're uh you're in a relationship you live with your uh girlfriend what's the pizza ratio there it's got less than what is it like a couple times a month at most yeah she gets really mad she's like and i'll i'll get home early and i'll be like i'll order a month at most? Yeah, she gets really mad. She's like, and I'll get home early, and I'll be like, I'm going to order a pizza before she gets home.

There's nothing she can do about it. You guys just live together. Once you get married, the pizza disappears completely. You're lucky to get pizza once a month. Well, it's like, I'm glad to have an opportunity to have moved me out of that phase of my life. I mean... You weren't in a good place. I wasn't. I was in a lonely place. I'm glad to have an opportunity to have moved me out of that phase of my life. You weren't in a good place.

I wasn't. I was in a lonely place. It was like cheese and bread for three years. Yeah, it was a really doughy place. Doughy, saucy, kind of cheesy. Yeah, so now we eat better. She's a great cook, so that definitely helps. I'm a terrible cook. I prefer to clean.

Okay. Yeah, but you'll starve if that's all you do is clean. Yeah. Scientific fact. I am not. Yep, that is a fact. That is where I was at. But you've really ordered a pizza just before she's come home and then eaten the pizza before she arrives?

Did it two weeks ago. Yeah. Do you, like, eat it in the bathroom or something? Oh, no, no. There could be pizza there. I just know she would be disappointed. She'll see it and give me a hard time for a while and be like, sorry,

I just love pizza so much. Would you guys get in a fight if you had discussions over the catering of your wedding? Say, like, she wants chicken. And I want pizza. Well, Domino's has the menu for us. Do you like your chicken tender?

I do that, too. If I'm hungry at 4 o'clock, I will eat an entire meal. I'll be hungry again by the time dinner rolls around oh yeah she just eats so like she eats so much healthier than me like it's it's bad like she i'll i'm i'm a habitual night snacker okay i don't know like i get up regularly in the middle of the night and go downstairs and night snacking deserves a quiet night it R.E.M. That is one of the few musical references that I know. That was one of my favorite songs. Well done.

So you're a big night snacker. Oh, yeah. I night snack like crazy. But you have no, like what, zero body fat. You're a very svelte gentleman. For people that don't know what you look like, this is a guy who's just been talking about eating pizza. Maybe you've conjured up an image of, like, a 350-pound gentleman.

No, this guy is like... Picture Armin Van Buren. Yeah, yeah. But seven feet tall. Yeah. Black. Oh. And I'm wearing a...

I'm wearing a... I don't know. A codpiece. Sorry, I totally... A sort of codpiece. Gave up on know. A card piece. Sorry. I totally gave up on that. I can't think of it. I give up, guys. Funny outfit. I got a pretty serious steam burn on my body.

Huh? What? I got a pretty, that's something new that's on my body. A steam. Steam burn. Yeah. You were steaming. Okay.

What are the ways, don't spoil it for us. Okay. What are the ways you can get a steam burn? Ironing. Cooking. um what are the ways don't don't spoil it for us what are the ways you can get a steam burn ironing cooking um um making a cartoon mad so steam comes out their ears and gay bathhouse yeah gay bathhouse straight bathhouse straight bathhouse um just one of those uh regina steamer carpet cleaners oh uh an old uh steam engine train uh-huh um. Are any of these how you steamed yourself to death? Oh, by the way, you're dead. It's, I think the one that's probably most accurate is Straight Bathhouse. Okay.

All right. No, it's, the most accurate was, I mean, I thought it was straight, then it was gay, then I was like, oh, whatever. I'm in the bathhouse already. Ow, ow. You're burning me with steam. Yeah. So much steam. I was trying to steam a shirt, and I took the shirt off my body. Now, steam it with what?

Like a hand steamer? A steamer, yeah. Okay. Those things get wicked hot. I didn't think so. Whoa. How do you think steam's made? I looked it up on the internet after I steamed the shirt, and boy, was I surprised.

So I took my shirt off, I'm steaming it like an adult or whatever. I've definitely steamed it on my body before, and I've been down that road. But I was doing it like you should. But the steam didn't seem to be taking out any wrinkles, despite how many times I went over it. So I was like, oh, is this thing working? And I was wearing a hoodie, and I pressed it to my hoodie, and it was instantaneously... Holy shit! He just showed us the burn, and it is really bad.

It's the worst burn I've ever had in my entire life. Man. Man, that's bad looking. No, it was bad for sure. When did this happen? The steam burn? Yeah. Like four or five days ago.

Wow. Did you put anything on that or are you just letting it raw out? Well, I hear mixed reports. Some people say you're supposed to put stuff on it. Other people say you don't. Leave it alone. Yeah. Who are the people who are saying don't?

Are they... Do they have dreadlocks? Everybody who's given me advice is a full-on amateur. My mom told me to put stuff on it, but then she looked some stuff up on the internet, and she said, don't put stuff on it. So I just left it. It doesn't hurt? It hurts pretty bad, no i've i'm

thinking a solar cane yes solar cane would be uh what i would do i was once burned really bad when i was on that tv show your mama yeah was it vill vill de walderama yep vill de walding what did you put on? When I got burned? Yeah. A sweater. Then I got burned again. Ooh, so hot. Yeah, no, I think anybody who says

don't put anything on it, I think they're referencing a medieval time. When the only thing to put on would be hot talk. Is there a bad rhyme for cover it in cream if you want. If you burn it with steam. If you burn it with steam.

If you burn it with fire, some call you a liar. Yeah, exactly. That came from witch times. Yeah. When they're trying to burn people at stakes. Speaking of things I need to... So, put some solar cane on that. Yeah.

Because it looks horrible did i see a another tattoo on your arm oh man yeah i've got a bunch more oh yeah my mom's not gonna listen to this okay what why not she used to oh shit that's a new uh that's a bunch of new tattoos yeah so you back in the day uh you had what was your first one was it a hamburger my first tattoo pardon me my first tattoo was a tribal tattoo in the middle of my back uh-huh about the size of two fingers from your tribe yeah from my tribe you were part of the dame cooks local wakeboarding gang um uh so i got the tiny a tiny tribal tattoo And then I got a gecko tattoo That looks like the Sobe lizard

Which is also tribal and on my leg Now was that Was that ironic or was it Was that a joke or that was authentic Grandma I like to call that a happy accident Because I I didn't go in intending it to be a Sobe design Sobe is a drink some kind of iced tea?

It's arguably the most extreme Iced tea beverage on the market today Oh that is arguably Yeah that's an argument I want to have We're going to get some emails About extreme beverages It's them in orbits They're really going head to head

What about Mountain Dew Red Alert? It's not an iced tea It's a burn remedy. Oh, man. Yeah, and then, this is kind of like the phase one of me getting tattoos. I was 18 or something.

So I've got the tiny tribal on my back. I got the gecko on my leg. And then I got really dissatisfied with how the tribal on my back didn't really work with the curvature of my back. I was like, something needs to be done about this. How did you know? Because I haven't looked at my back for 15 years.

You got a sweet piece of art back there. You're checking yourself out in the mirror. You're checking it out on the daily. So I went to another tattoo artist and got her to expand the tribal. Oh, okay. So a bigger piece. And then... Was what was it? Was it just more tribal? Yeah, it was...

Yeah, it's now... It went from, like, being the size of two fingers to, like, maybe the size of my head. And what is the tribe? It's just kind of... It's like... It was a pretty cool tribe back in, like, 2001. Yeah. Yeah.

It revolved mainly around board shorts and wearing black fly sunglasses. The music of Edwin. Edwin is huge. I don't know if you guys are familiar with Incubus's body of work. Sure. Who did the butterfly song? Oh, Crazy Town. I legitimately used to love Crazy Town.

Who didn't? Well, me. Do you remember the music video with Puff Daddy moves into a suburban neighborhood and Ben Stiller's in it? That's every Puff Daddy music video. Bad Boys for Life. Bad Boys for Life.

And at the end of the video, Crazy Town moves in next door, and then Pup Daddy gives the camera the old, there goes the neighborhood. That, to me, was the greatest thing Crazy Town ever did. I'm so glad that Crazy Town was able to have a sense of humor about that. I wonder if... Shifty Shellshock?

Is that another track that they did? No, that was the lead singer's name. No, it wasn't. Shifty Shellshock. He died for like they did? no that was the lead singer's name Shifty Shellshock he died for like 10 minutes didn't he recently? he came back and got some new star tattoos to celebrate is that real? I believe that I think he had a health scare

he went through rehab he was on the celebrity rehab but then he relapsed he's had a rough go he's the lead singer of Crazy Town. Well, that's true. It's in the name. You knew shit was gonna get crazy. In some sort of municipality.

Yeah. So, tribal. Now the size of your head. Yeah, so that's regrettable. You know, I get ashamed about a lot. That's definitely a body shame thing for me.

And like the pizza shame is kind of a food shame. And I think I stopped getting tattoos for a long time after making such poor decisions. And then when I started going to the beach a lot, I was like, this is a legitimate thought that went through my head like how are people gonna know that i'm cool if all they see is this tribal tattoo and these stupid board shorts i'm wearing and the gecko yeah it was also the gecko to let them know i was really saying the same thing as the back tribal i feel yeah um so i was like oh maybe i'll get some more tattoos so i got a i got a bunch more after that. And then, yeah, that was kind of like phase two.

And those ones are kind of stupid and funny. Or I thought they were funny. So I got the hamburgers in there. The hamburger's very good. Yeah, I love the hamburger. And then you got somebody at a show's name? Yeah, a tattoo. Or like, sorry, a signature.

That was my favorite bit that I think I ever did. I loved that bit. And it was so stupid and just like, it was pointless, but I loved, so what happened is

we did this, we did a show and we told everyone we were going to have a raffle. So everyone put their names in a hat. And then at the end of the show, we pulled out one of the names

and the prize, the person had to come on stage to claim their prize. And this guy's name was Brad Decker. I bet you've never forgotten. I didn't forget because the raffle prize just ended up being me taking that piece of paper that they put in the raffle hat and getting their name tattooed on my body. And yeah, so I did that with brad and you know i held his hand and a foreigner track played and the guy came out and i had a big bruise on my arm so it's in a really awkward weird kind of spot because he had to tattoo around this bruise

and you know when you're in like show mode and you're like you know everything's kind of chaotic and you're like oh just do it whatever yeah yeah just put it here you know like yeah do it for the crowd yeah yeah i was like i was just really kind of in that like up show mode and it was really funny and it was great experience and it was the coolest thing was to see this guy who had only been to the show that that was his first time at that show yeah and he i would see him like regularly after that so he became our guy like i'd see him in the audience check in with brad decker be like what's going on it also says dr brad decker because i like as a last minute joke i was like hey wouldn't you want to be a doctor i was like this is this is a great move i was there

i was were you there that night i was yeah it was. Now, do you get a lot of people who would recognize you and say, I was at the show, you got a tattoo on stage? Because that seems like a bit of legendary business. That was great. I mean, I thought that was certainly one of my favorite things. I mean, not a lot of people, certainly Brad Decker remembers. Him and I are now connected for life. Yeah, absolutely.

And I love that element of it is like taking the, you know, tattooing somebody's name, which is traditionally very, you know, it's a, it's a real connection. You do it with,

you know, your lovers or, you know, a loved one kind of thing. Yeah. But that is just like, well, I'm just going to get a straight.

Yeah. I'm in a polygamist situation. I, uh, the other day for work, I had to go to Brian Adams' website. It's good that you clarified that's for work. That's something I had to do.

The Canadian singer, Brian Adams, Summer of 69, everything I do, I do it for you. Absolutely. Maybe when you're gone. I was looking for pictures and I went to the gallery on his website. And you click on gallery at brianadams.com, and it just takes you to a gallery of people's Brian Adams tattoos. No.

Wow. That's funny. And the majority of them are either his autograph, because I guess you're like, hey, autograph my arm. And then they go and get it tattooed. The lyric, 18 till I die. yeah that's what i mean um or on a really saggy bicep there's a few faces of them and then there's just a lot of people who just get the words brian adams oh wow tattooed i think the weirdest the weirdest one of those for me is the, the Brian Adams like portrait, you know, cause they like, it's so rare that somebody just really nails that portrait, you know, like most of the time he ends up kind of looking like a melted kind of weird

Brian Adams, you know, jean jacket, shoulders are all out of whack. What era of Brian Adams do you want do you want young brian adams do you want uh uh you know a baby when you're gone mel c brian adams yeah do you want photographer brian adams put him in a doctor's code and something something cool like that yeah dr brian adams there was a story uh by uh bobcat gulfway where you got it I know look at me I'm growing that's hard he had a fan who did that where he signed

a signature on the guy's arm and the guy said I'm gonna go get this tattooed and Bobcat said hey like what

what if you don't think I'm good a year from now or whatever and the guy said oh I'll just get sucks tattooed underneath

that's the way out of any bad tattoo yeah i should just get that under the big tribal on my back just with an arrow pointing at it just kidding that's not a bad fix so and then but now you've got this intricate tattoo of kind of a panther fighting a snake. Yeah, I just decided... Or are they having sex? I can't tell. Look at me. I just told the tattoo artist to use his imagination.

Yeah. I'm into these two things. Make them do something on my arm. I just loved it. It's just a super classic, old school, kind of trashy tattoo to get. And I just figured... I have so many already already it's now an easy decision to make it's like well you know it's not like getting the first one where it's like oh this

is gonna mark my body you know stuff like that now it's just like i got our like i've got a bunch of crap on here already yeah it's a tainted canvas i'm working with it's like the first scratch on a new car you're like all right oh man tattoos are great they are i have zero my mine still stand my count still stands at zero yeah ditto would you get one i guess i might but uh i the thing is is like i was uh looking at an old uh it was like a website where it was old pictures of like navy guys who had got tattoos like the boat on their chest and all that kind of stuff and uh so that's like where there's like a job like there's an affiliation you know i mean i don't have that. You know what I mean? If you were a firefighter, you could get your

fire hall whatever tattooed, or if you're a cop, or if you're in the military. Or if you're an arsonist, you can get just fire. With iHeart. But yeah, I don't have any affiliation. I'm not part of a thing.

Is there... Would you get the iTunes or the iPhone podcast app logo tattooed? Yeah, like really big on my chest. Or get maybe some listeners to design you a tattoo. Well, yeah, I mean, you know what? Listeners, if you have a great idea for a tattoo, you go ahead and send it in. We'll take a look. If Graham doesn't get it, I'll get it. Well, that's a pretty good

deal. Yeah. Yeah, we've got a lot of very talented, like, artistic listeners that will send in something. I bet you we get at least one design that's like, when you see it, you'll be like, oh, it's actually not that bad. I will do that. I mean, that's like when you see it you'll be like it's actually not that bad

I will do that, I mean it's a tainted canvas you guys I know but it's not just make sure it fits on my butt I would consider getting like you know how they tattoo makeup on women? Yeah? Yeah I'd do that I'd tattoo makeup on women I mean I'd do that i'd tattoo makeup on women

i mean i would make that mandatory is what i'm saying oh man um i would only do it in like some kind of uh something subtle like slightly bigger nipples like you just get shading done on your nipples to make them stand out more? Yeah. Use the curoscuro technique. Make it seem like it's a sundial. Oh, it's six o'clock. I can tell by the shadow under my nipple.

That is very good. There are people that I've seen that have decided that they're going to shave their head for the rest of their life. And the hairline looks terrible. And so they filled it in via tattoo. Like if you had... Just like stipple?

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Does it look like it? Is it intended to look like a tattoo? Or is it intended to... Is it representing hair? It's supposed to represent... It's just supposed to make the hairline look

better. And it actually doesn't look bad from the pictures I've seen. It's the same as, like, the tattooed makeup. Like, it's just a tiny little bit, but it's like, for people that are, they're gumball, they don't want to have, like, a complete you know, shicked head. Well, I mean, it's

never a choice after that. Like, you have to do it one way. Otherwise you just have this weird bridge of hair and everything else is gone. I mean, you could also get like a six pack tab tattoo tattooed on the top. Oh yeah. Like a beer can. Yeah.

I mean, it depends. It depends on what hairstyle you want to go with. I mean, that's one of the benefits of being bald and tattooing. If you, if you get a tattoo on your head, can that... Can hair grow?

Yeah, can you grow your hair back over it? Yeah, I think so. I've seen people that have the sides of their head tattooed and they've grown their hair out. I feel like that's what Bam Bam Bigelow is up to. Like, this whole wrestling thing doesn't work out. I'm going back to my job as a senator. Yeah,

as Governor Bigelow. Oh, man. Well, Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, not much. I've been driving to work lately the last few days because there have been bomb scares on the SkyTrain. What? I've been riding the train every day.

Really? Like an idiot. Me too. I've been riding it back and forth, yeah. Well, I think this weekend there was someone on the actual tracks, like not at a station, an explosive device. Oh, I did hear about that. They were really unclear about it.

They were like, it was an explosive device with something uh that would ignite it but it was unclear how it would be like i bet it was fireworks yeah we i don't know uh we don't know if it would have worked like we don't know how it would have been triggered but it was it was real it was a real bomb yeah and then uh every day since there's been like two or three suspicious packages found at SkyTrain stations. But those could be like anything. Right. And none of those have... Every package on the SkyTrain is a suspicious package.

But, yeah, I just... So I've been driving to work the last couple of days because it's miserable enough being on the Skytrain, let alone dying. Yeah, your face blown off. Just your face. Skytrain is not the way you want to go. I mean, it's fine. Hi, Kimmy. Hi.

Okay, yeah, no, I changed my mind. I didn't even, like, I heard about that thing, and I literally just thought, oh, some idiot left fireworks on the track. And then I haven't thought... I've been on the train three times a day, every day. Oh, boy. I mean, when I was riding the train, there was...

They kept closing stations. Yeah. And I didn't know... Because this happened twice now. I've been in Vancouver for just over a week, like eight days. And then multiple times riding the train they've had to shut it down at metrotown they shut it down out at surrey and then they're never really clear about it they're just like yeah there's a problem at this station we're diverting the trains i wonder if those have to do with the

mysterious probably it's it's yeah i'm sure and i'm sure it's nothing. I'm sure they're just being safe. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know. That's pretty lame. Yeah, that's true. I'm not a big fan of explosions. No. Unless they're, okay, on stage. Right.

In a movie. They're great in a movie. Yeah. Oh, nothing beats them. What, acting is going to beat the explosions? I also like it when it's in a review for a movie. Yeah. Oh, nothing beats them. What? Acting is going to beat the explosions? I also like it when it's in a review for a movie. It was explosive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

High octane. Yeah, exactly. Plastique. What are the other good places for explosions? I mean, in a building that they're tearing down and everyone gathers around to watch it. In a bathroom when you're all by yourself and nobody's around to hear it. Just, um... I didn't mean it in that way.

Fun, though. Graham's high-octane butt over here. It's a can't-miss. It's unputdownable. Yeah. When I was in high school, I broke my femur, which is like a huge bone, and I remember I was at home for Halloween. Well, I mean my femur which is like a huge bone

and I remember I was at home for Halloween well I mean on some guys it's a big bone different bones for different sizes yeah and so I was in crutches and I spent the Halloween at home and my parents went out for Halloween to take my brothers and sisters out

and some friends from high school came over and they're like, you know, we'll hang out with you while you're, you know, you're incapacitated. And we blew off fireworks for a while. And that was great. And then we ran out of fireworks. And I was like, you know, my dad's got downstairs. He's got some glass bottles, a rag and a bunch of gasoline. You guys want to make Molotov cocktails? This is not really fully understanding how they worked. and a bunch of gasoline. Jeez. You guys want to make Molotov cocktails? So we made Molotov cocktails.

This is not really fully understanding how they worked. My dad used to work for the IRA. So we made a Molotov cocktail, and my parents used to have this big backyard with a big stone right in the middle of it. Until you blew it up. Threw a Molotov cocktail off the deck, hit the stone in the middle of the backyard, and spread, like, burned, like, I don't know,

a 10x10 patch in the middle of the yard. Jesus! And I didn't tell my parents. They just found it the next day. Don't look at me. My leg's broken. My friend... Your friends left immediately?

No. I mean, they left before my parents came home. We were pretty... I don't think we fully realized the extent of the damage because it was so dark. Yeah, yeah. First, it was really light. Yeah. Then it got dark for a while.

And then they left. So, how much... Were you sort of conservative about it? Were you like, let's just put a little bit of gasoline in? Or did you fill the bottle? Oh, we went by, it was all instinct. I had no idea how to make a Molotov cocktail, but I knew. Still don't.

More gas equals. More burning. More sweet. Yeah, so, I mean. More fuel, more cool. Did you guys uh what's it called um the something cookbook anarchist oh yeah yeah jolly roger and it was something that was available as a txt file yeah i had it i had it printed out on uh what is the paper that had the bits that you tore off dot matrix um and they uh i i I never had it or saw it,

but I had classmates who were like, oh, I downloaded this thing. I'm going to make napalm later. And then what? I'm going to have napalm. I tried one of the things, and it didn't work. It didn't work at all.

It was that you put match heads in a tennis ball, and that if you threw it and it hit something, all the... Oh, the friction? Yeah, all the match heads would then ignite this thing. I think you were also supposed to put gas on it or whatever. We just threw it at this wall for like an hour and it never... It just bounced back.

We just ended up playing handball. And that's how we invented handball. Where do you get gas? You know, everywhere. Gas station? Yeah. You just go and ask for a handful of gas. Can I get some... I'm just going to pour it on this tennis ball.

I have this Ziploc bag I would like to fill your gas night. We used to zip the same group of friends. Like, we... Okay. You guys, do you ever get back together and light something on fire? Do you have that tattoo of fire? This is great. This is playing right into the next story.

Yes! I was in a gang in high school called the OWC, which is called the Orpheus Wrecking Crew. Why do I feel like I've heard that before? Oh, we were... Well, the biggest claim to fame was that we ran for a municipal election in West Vancouver.

I mean, not officially, but we kept erecting signs that said Orpheus for Prez and stuff like that up Taylor Way. Got a big write-up in the paper. Hee hee! I mean, mainly our claim to fame was we'd get together and we'd fill, this sounds so weird, I'm not weird anymore. I mean, there beats a thing. That beats a thing. My crazy tattoos. Then I'll get a tattoo of whatever you said.

Notwithstanding. But we filled up a milk jug. This is a weird story. We filled up a milk jug full of gas. And we were going up to this old abandoned bridge. I still don't know how you would fill a milk jug with... You know, lawnmowers that run on gas. You can siphon gas out of a car.

I did a lot of that as a teenager. A lot? Well, enough. Remember in the last podcast we talked about driving around a lot? Oh, yeah. We didn't have money for that. You siphoned gas out to them? Yeah, it was gross.

Wow. I've never been able to do that. We just always put it in milk jugs and stuff. Anyway, we were writing words on this old abandoned bridge and gas and then lighting them on fire to see what they look like pictures of this real batman style or was this pre-digital this was pre-digital i mean i'm sure there's some weird you know disposable somewhere that has this era, but I haven't seen it. And this particular night, we actually had a video of it. None of us could

watch it because of what happened. A friend of mine was wearing army boots and a pair of shorts. And we were all hanging out up there. And we threw the match in and it lit the it lit the ground on

fires oh owc and then in the o was a pentagram so it looked pretty cool yeah yeah and then and then the water or the the gas ended it spilled as we took the milk jug away so it trailed back to the milk jug and it's burning around you guys never saw a movie before yeah it's like you never saw a lot of movies that's why we were writing our name in the ground and fire. Never saw the Karma Police video. So now it's burning up around this milk jug. And my one friend in army boots, there's no lid on this thing. He's like, oh, it's burning.

I got to get this out of here before it explodes or whatever. So he goes and he kicks the milk jug. But it had melted the plastic. So he kicked right through the milk jug and sprayed his legs with gas and then he became a fireball oh and like he's running around on fire people are jumping on him you know putting putting him out like you know of course that's that's crazy and yeah we're freaking out you know're like 16. I'm freaking out. Yeah. I'm suddenly worried that, oh, he's going to tell the story of his friend dying.

No, no, no, no. So we put him out. He's great. He's actually the guitarist in the band Ben Sinister now, which is like a Vancouver band. Oh, he's the one that's really crispy. They call him Crispy. Things will get better. So he's fine. but he he burned his

legs really bad and then uh you know get him into the car and we're like joe you know you got to go you got to go to the hospital man like this is crazy we go to the hospital and his legs are like you know cooking and stuff like that and you could see stuff smoke coming off him he's like no it's fine i'll just go to the clinic tomorrow So we're like freaking out We did have to take him to the Emergency room and I remember His parents were just The most death stare

You know like just That is like the most The dumbest kid thing to do Ever You're the wrong crowd We're hanging out at the abandoned bridge It would sound like a great crowd We hung out at that bridge so much

That I remember That it wasn't abandoned anymore It's true I brought a bunch of I brought a case of Mountain Dew And hid it under the bridge And it just would go back? Because we would hang out there so much

And it turns out there so much. And it turns out there were a bunch of hobos that used to masturbate under the bridge, so we stopped going there. Oh, man, wherever you put Mountain Dew, hobos will follow. If anybody's interested, it's out at Sandy Cove on Marine Drive. It's OCW Bridge,

home of the masturbating hobos. Oh, great, what's going on with you? And the crispy teenager. Oh, okay. Wow. It's OCW Bridge. Yeah. Home of the masturbating hobos. Yeah. Oh, great. What's going on with you? And the crispy teenager. Oh, wow. It's, well, this does feed nicely into the narrative of my weekend, which was... I burned a guy.

Yeah, I lit a guy on fire because I didn't like the way he looked at me. Friend of the show and frequent guest on the show alicia tobin uh right she she uh slipped and fell down some stairs and had to go to the emergency room and so i went and hung out with her in the emergency room for seven hours i had too much of a laughing oh yeah yeah yeah no she's fine yeah but uh hanging out in the emergency room for seven hours it is a seemingly non-stop parade of idiots who have done idiot things especially on a weekend and yeah and these and it's all guys there was no all the women that were in there were like either very old women or women who are like i have disease. But all the guys that were in there were like, I was playing field hockey. So there was like just nonstop guys with whatever remaining equipment from whatever sport they

had been doing kind of in their lap while they were being wheeled around. And there was an old guy sitting next to us who- Making love to his tonic and gin. He fell on his butt skating. And there was an old guy sitting next to us. Making love to his tonic and jam. He fell on his butt skating. And there's just no dignity in it at all. Because they kept coming around and having to kind of like talk about his butt. But without talking about his butt.

But like that, yeah. That is very embarrassing because the way you have to walk yeah you can't even sit properly yeah and he looked he was too old of a guy to have been you know he obviously like went for it and uh and really hurt himself and then uh his much younger wife uh was very embarrassed she's like you know great now i gotta okay you know a doddering old man to take care of i'm so close to this inheritance i can taste it but yeah it was funny just to see like uh just the disparity because yeah i think on uh on a um friday or saturday night a lot of drunk people. And Alicia said when she checked into the... What day was this?

This was Sunday. Sunday morning. Okay. There was a guy who was in the same waiting area as her who had had the top of his ear bitten off. In church. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

So, I don't... By what? Do you know? By a guy. By another guy. Like during an MMA fight. a guy. By another guy. Like during an MMA fight. Oh, that was... Evander Holyfield did that, right?

No, he got bit. Yeah, Mike Tyson bit off the top of his ear. So the exact same thing. This guy was missing the top half of his ear. I don't remember hearing there being an organized MMA fight. Oh, no. I'm not. I mean, you know, MMA's a broad term. this was down by the abandoned bridge

yeah it was over a case of mountain dew yeah winner takes all including masturbating jim but he yeah so uh you know guys be stupid the dumbest yeah but alicia. But Alicia's fine. She's fine. Uh, you know, uh, took a bad spill, but she was, uh, she was great. And, and everybody at Vancouver general hospital is amazing.

Uh, except the dudes that were checked in for their dumb sports injuries. Those guys should, you know, when they talk about a two tier healthcare system, those are the guys who should have to pay extra money. Like if you did something dumb and then something dumb happened to you, you should have to shell out, like, just an extra 100, 200 bucks just to cover, like, oh, this was 100% avoidable. For sure.

And you'd have to, like, I like the idea that those guys are just going to, like, a party doctor, you know? Yeah. You know, because I imagine that the types of, you know, working in an emergency room on a weekend. Imagine the, you know, diversity of doofuses that you're exposed to. Yeah, absolutely. The amount of drunk guys, the amount of sports guys. There should be like a doc. Like, I just love the idea of like a doctor who's like working late at night, working the late shift. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt.

the late shift he's wearing a hawaiian shirt how come all of the like tv shows about hospitals uh are like chicago hope or er or gray's anatomy or scrubs even scrubs is a comedy but it's not about like funny things that happen in a hospital every hospital show should be more like night court yeah it's just a parade of weirdos coming through because that is nine times out of ten what you're looking at. Yeah. Occasionally there's just a regular citizen that has had, you know, either a fall or something, you know, all of a sudden an onset of something. But most of the people in there, it's like avoidable central. I'd like to see a guy get, like, bit by a horse or something.

That'd be a pretty good doctor visit. But then he's in there with the horse. Like the horse has to come in because he swallowed the piece. They need to get it out of the horse to put it back on the guy. It's a complicated surgery. They got a vet team on this side. They got the guys over here. Yeah, I want to be at a party hospital.

Ben Wilder Memorial Hospital. Got Harold working hearts. You got Kumar over there doing open-head surgery. Yeah, they just have non-stop rock music coming out of the ER. Yeah, it's a dorm. Yeah, people have the upside-down vodka bottle instead of an IV. All the doctors are wearing hard hats with booze in it. Every wall has a medical poster and a babe poster. Yeah, a babe on a Lamborghini.

Nobody's wearing pants, they're all wearing shorts. Yeah, all wearing cargo shirts. Oh, man. Anyways, you want to... Hang an IV on the doorknob if you're getting lucky. They're all wearing shorts Yeah, they're all wearing cargo shirts Oh man Anyways Hang an IV on the doorknob if you're getting lucky Alright, now that I got that joke in Let's move on to Overheards Overheard

Overheards A segment in which when you're walking down the street When your pants are full of shit Yeah Overheard Overheard When you're walking down the street. When your pants are full of fish. Overhearts. Overhearts. Now, what I love about overhearts is the way it lets our audience interact. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

There are very few other podcasts that take calls and take letters. And every week, people have something to offer us us and it really warms my heart and I just want to keep talking about it Dave, shut up I didn't know but I just really liked where you were going and I just enjoyed sometimes I just enjoy listening

it's time for my favorite segment of the whole podcast a segment called Hulk Hogan News it's a Hulk Hogan News remix now each and every week all podcasts segment called hulk hogan news it's a hulk hogan news it's a hulk hogan news remix um now uh each and every week i scour the internet i try to go for not the most obvious headlines in the world of hulk hogan news because some weeks there are obvious headlines yeah and right now corduroy pillows.

Right now, you know, it's the same old, same old. Sex tape, Bubba Love Sponge, lawsuit, etc., etc. So this week, I wanted to just briefly shift the focus from Hulk Hogan to his beautiful ex-wife. Linda. Linda Lydia Hogan. Okay. Is that her name? Linda Lydia?

No, Linda. Linda Hogan. I don't know why I call her Lydia Hogan She's 52 She can be seen on the TLC series Brides of Beverly Hills Where they've decided to just bury the L In the name of that channel So deep that The L now stands for Lydia

So she's on the brides of Beverly Hills and her and her 23 year old boyfriend when it's that differential it's a boy toy they're not together anymore they've split

the show was an untenable amount of pressure on the young relationship, the young couple. And they went to couplesender? Or something. Yeah. Yeah. A pool boy. He's got, he's in the prime of his pizza eating years. Oh, absolutely. He's got a lot of pizza eating. I think he's got some good years ahead of him. Yeah. And also, he can have that conversation starter of, I fucked Hulk Hogan's wife.

Yeah. Is a great in with a lot of. Yeah. Or like whenever you're at like you're at a work retreat. Now, introduce yourself and say something that we may not know about you. Yeah, yeah. And you can't say you fucked Hulk Hogan's wife, because we all know that about you.

I like to think that, as that guy, that what if one day Hulk Hogan showed up and was the jealous ex? Yeah. Rips off his suit jacket and was like the jealous ex? Yeah. Rips off his suit jacket, rips the door off his car, rips his arms off. And that's how I lost my arms, everybody. Then there's some Hulk Hogan news. That's the story. Yeah.

So, yeah. Well, Hulk Hogan, the thing is that she ended up dating somebody who was like, like had more hair, but was like a young version of her husband. He ended up marrying somebody that was a young version. Not marrying. He's married. Hulk is married? Yeah. To Jennifer something or other. That's Hulk Hogan news to me. Oh, yeah. No, that happened a while ago. Post-sex tape. Oh.

Yeah, they're hitched. But she looks like his daughter. Like, they could be twins. Weird. Yeah, it's all very, like... Shakespearean. Yeah, that's true. It's a modern Montague that Hulk Hogan...

Yeah, up until the scene where he rips the guy's arms off. Real Montague. Have you seen... Capulets? Well, they're the enemies. Montague. What did you say? Montague like Donahue?

He said Monty Hall. That's funny. All three of us took a drink Of our frozen beverages For the home listener We are recording this on election night In the United States And we all have our fingers crossed for Romney But it is not looking good

Yeah, yeah, well, you know what Robo face in 2060 Robo head Is that what Mitt Romney is? That's what I call him. He looks like a real robot face. He does look kind of like he's stretched skin over

like a robot face. Yeah, yeah. Like a pretty good approximation, but you get close to him and you'll be like, smells like oil. Oh, I have a nosebleed. Yeah. He's got squirting.

Alright, over hurts for real this time. Now, we always like to start with the guest, of which you are. You are. You are of the guest. You know, I always... This is the hardest segment for me. I always... I know... The hardest of the two segments?

Yeah. Well, get to know us is... I'm pretty good. Yeah, you are great. I am. And I know... I can go there. But overheards, I really want to give I'm pretty good. Yeah, you were great. I know who I am. And I know... I can go there. But overheards, I really want to give a good overheard.

So I always rack my brain. And I came up with a couple things that happened to me. I mean... Actually, I had three interesting things happen to me. So can I give you a brief synopsis and you tell me which one is the most interesting to you guys? I want to hear them all. I'm not going to lie to you. I want to hear them all.

I want to hear two of them. Okay, I'll make them super quick. They'll be quick ones. I was in a coffee shop today. Starbucks across from the library. Oh yeah, I was there too. Were you really? I work right there. Oh, yeah.

But I didn't go to Starbucks. So I was waiting to meet a friend of mine and we were going to have coffee there. He was a little bit late, so I was sitting at one of the tables and then there was a like a two people at a table that was right next to me and it was um a japanese esl um like teaching situation and this guy was probably about 45 real kind of schlubby weird guy And I witnessed the entire lesson or a huge part of the lesson that he was teaching this girl. And it was so obvious how bad this guy was flirting with her through the lens of Japanese or English language instruction. He was saying things like, he was like, oh, you need to.

Oh, this was the worst. He was like, you need to. Like, you. Tell me you love something. Like, oh, tell me you love something. Tell me you love me. Repeat that. Repeat that. I was like, oh my God, this is so creepy.

And then he started to get really specific. He was like, well, what if somebody is really into James Bond? Would you like that? And he was asking that question. And he was like, respond. Would you like that or would that be good to you or would that be bad to you? And he was saying it in such a way that I was like Are you feeling her out to see whether or not she'd be Against your weird fixation on James Bond

And he followed that thread He was like well okay Let's say you go into somebody's house And they've got like a whole room dedicated to James Bond Would that be Interesting to you Would that be good Very Well good Bond. Would that be interesting to you? Would that be good? Would that be interesting to you?

Very. Well, good. And it was so awkward. She was playing it. She knew what was going on. This is a scenario that comes up a lot in the English language. Yeah. And the weird thing is he took a very weird stance on it. He was like,

well, James Bond has probably killed like 50 people. He is not a good guy. And then he just let her deal with that? Like, try interpreting that through the lens of complexity that's going on here. Maybe he's talking about somebody that he noticed that she has a crush on who likes James Bond. And he's like, wouldn't you think it's weird if a guy was obsessed with James Bond? Hasn't James Bond killed like a thousand people? Oh, at least.

He's punched women in the face. On multiple occasions. Yeah. So that was the first kind of overheard that I was like, oh, this is weird. I was just transfixed on it the entire time I was waiting. The second thing was not so much an overheard,

but it's kind of an overheard. I was at this European market right around the corner from your house, Dave, and I went there just before I came here. Oh, Alenka? Alenka. I think it's Russian or Eastern of some kind, yeah. And there's a lot of Skrillex on the products that they have.

There's Skrillex. Yeah, a lot of Skrillex on the products that they have. There's Skrillex. Yeah. A lot of black breads. Well, actually, it's Skrillex related because you can buy a lot of beets there. Please don't drop the beets. That's the name of it. Yeah. My favorite thing you can get there are blueberry pierogies.

Oh, that sounds pretty good. A dessert pierogi. Interesting. We had them here once. They were delicious. Yeah, they're all right. You don't think about pierogis as being a fruit thing? No.

Well, they're thinking outside the, well, pierogi. Anyway, I was in there, and I was like, I actually got you guys a little snack treat each from that thing that I haven't brought out yet. And I like to, I think the last couple times, I think I brought a Kinder Surprise to you guys. Oh, yeah. That's weird. I think one time we, didn't we eat jelly beans and some of them tasted like vomit? Yeah, I had a vomit one.

It was brutal. Oh, yeah. I remember listening to that. That was very fun. So I went in there and I was getting these snack treats and I was like, okay, this is like, what's an interesting product that I can get these guys and not like get them like a, an eel or something. That's like, well, ha.

So I'm like picking through, I find these little snacks. I'm like, okay, these will be good. And I turn around to like give them to like the Russian guy who's talking with his buddy at the counter. And I turn around to start approaching the counter and I look at them and

they're both staring at like like, in my general direction, through a gun scope at me. What? And I was like, oh, my God. It was like a laser finder, like, gun mount thing. But not attached to a gun. No, it wasn't attached to a gun, but he was going to go mount it on a gun, and it was in this, like, very Russian kind of institution.

Like, they're not speaking English. They're not being very friendly. Eastern promises. It was a little bit like... You didn't have a laser on your forehead, did you? No. Would you mind to be wearing these antlers? Oh, man, that's scary. Free chips.

Yeah. My friend here gives you free chips if you wear these antlers. That's funny. Yeah, so that happened. And then the last one was I was in a, for the improv festivals in a bar in the downtown east side called Funky Winker Beans for a karaoke night. You had me and lost me. And there was a bunch of improvisers who are you know very theatrical and very like

very nice as a general group in the like a very much a very gritty kind of dive bar and they were spread across uh all one side of the bar and we were all kind of sitting um sitting on the on the side of the bar kind of having drinks and stuff like that but plunked separating the group there's one table three people sitting at that table there's maybe a 60 to 70 year old biker yep his biker mama giving him a hand job through his jeans oh that's not technically a hand job yeah giving him a rubby through his jeans that's first base and uh their buddy with a giant afro Just drinking shooters Through the entire experience And this was separating the improv community

So this is a really dark Weird thing to see In the middle of a theater festival Was any What music was playing? Was it karaoke happening at the time? There was Yeah there was some pretty crazy karaoke songs going on While the guys While the handjob was happeningjob yeah i mean it was tasteful handjob it wasn't like crazy i mean it's just

like the the karaoke experience is like the least romantic way to get a handjob through your pants well depends on the music i mean there was they had bon jovi on for a little while yeah which i think is appropriate not bon jo, a guy singing Bon Jovi. Yeah. It was a Bon Jovi-themed song. On a steel horse I ride. Yeah. And she thought about his wiener.

Steel horse. Yeah. And then the rest is history. Not his motorcycle. No, his wiener. Because he's hung like a steel horse. Yeah. He's a robot man.

Like our future president, Mitt Romney. Yeah. So of the three, that one was the most grim. Yeah. But also, I don't think it's that grim. It's two people who found love. And a third guy. In a hopeless place.

Yeah, he was really, he was actually pretty cool. I mean, I, well, no he wasn't. He was pretty great. Yeah, yeah. This guy really taught you a thing or two about pants on handjobs. And doing shots. Tolerance, too. Oh, absolutely, right?

That was a mixed group. The first integrated handjob in Vancouver. Yeah. They used to be separate but equal. Oh, lordy. I'm sorry for bringing that up. No way. Don't ever apologize for painting a picture of the mind so vivid. Well, if you're interested, it's Funky Winkerberry.

They're appearing every night through November. Karaoke and hand chop. Burgers are a dollar. Taking it on the fringe to our next game. Dave, do you have an overheard? My overheard is... Well, it's... Abby and I are taking the plunge.

We are buying a new mattress. Oh, nice. We've shared the double mattress for about ten years with our dog. And you're not prison inmates. It's time to live like... We're upgrading to a queen.

California? That's not a size. California queen, isn't it? No, there's California king, which is bigger than a king. Oh, Florida queen. Yeah. Caribbean queen. Yeah, Caribbean queen.

Yes, it is. Philly Ocean has released a signature line of mattresses. Yeah, they're all waterbed. Filled with ocean water. We were at this store that sells nothing but mattresses. It's called Nothing But Mattresses.

I know, it was, if you must know, Sleep Country Canada. It was a Simmons store going out of business. Great deals. And a young guy, about 30, Abby and I are walking around looking at the different mattresses, you know, just touching them lightly. Hmm.

Huh. Hmm. Hmm. A guy, a salesman, comes up to us about our age and says, You guys checking out some mats? Wow. Wow. Wow. Did you

lie down in any of them at any point? Yeah. Yeah. They have like a little strip across the bottom

so you don't have to take your shoes off or anything. Oh, that's nice. That protects them. Yeah. You're checking out some mats.

And then Abby and I were... Yeah. We ended up buying a mattress and then we kept a straight face through the entire thing. And then as soon as we left, Abby said, do you remember when that guy said, you guys checking out some mats? And then you did like a bro lock as you left?

Yeah, we did. We totally did. We bumped chests. They got to make it fun for themselves at the mattress store. I'm sure they call the mats amongst each other, but I don't... Maybe he thinks that that has gotten to the street. Maybe he's trying to make it happen. When you cut the end off, when you abbreviate anything, it's like kind of the cool version of that thing, right?

Yeah, Sev. Sev? Yeah, that's way cool. Cash. Yeah. Yeah. Penetration. Mm-hmm.

Did you try to throw mats back at him? Oh, I should have. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I should have. Oh. Yeah. What kind of deal can I get on these mats? Yeah.

Is there a discount if I get a Flomo floor model? Yeah. I'm going to get a Flomo mat and what's the bow spring on this? I'm trying to make box spring into a cool thing by taking out letters. Taking out the middle letter of spring. Bow spring. Bow spring. I think I've done things.

Spring job would be pretty cool. Yeah. I'm sure the spring job. Yeah. That's pretty good. What would they call a water bed? Like a party bed? Yeah.

It seems like it's more work to say like hto nap service h2o i like that yeah um wet bed oh wet bed yeah wet bed is it absolutely yeah yeah totally gross uh now graham do you have an overheard or an oh i do i have an oh h uh i this was uh from uh waiting at a bus stop late at night so for the bomb to go off yep and uh there was a guy uh with a lady and he was chatting the we waited for the bus for 20 minutes the whole time he was talking working out stuff like uh this is how many sets i do this is how many sets you want to do if you want to be working out yeah yeah like this is where you want to work out this this area and do that and whatever and uh the lady who's listening either she's a co-worker of his and has to listen to this stuff

or she has a crush on him for some reason and is listening to this stuff. But he's being the most boring man in the world. And she is wrapped with attention. And then he starts talking about the ideal body type. And he said... For a man or a woman? For a woman. Okay.

To a woman. He was saying this? Yes. Oh my goodness. He was talking about the ideal body fat percentage to the woman he works at some place that has a like the tank that you measure uh-huh body fat he works at the government yeah he works at the government so he says uh the ideal body fat percentage for fit lady you know like nice tits tight ass 12 and she asked very earnestly

how uh like what are you fat wise and he goes 30 because then the first time they looked at him i was like yeah this is a fat guy that's been saying all this stuff to her. He's just like a regular fat dude. He went to a library and learned all about rats. He kept saying, BMI, BMI. He's watched a couple YouTube videos. He's more BM than BMI. Yeah, so what are you?

Oh, I'm a fat. I am 400%. I'm a big blob. He was standing behind a fence or a hedge the whole time. I have no idea what my fat percentage is. I'm guessing it's, you know, 80, 90. Yeah, I'm betting mine's way high. Yeah.

What are bones worth? Because I still got all my bones. Nice. Also, I went to, they did a thing at the Body Worlds exhibit where it was basically just a cross-section of a person that was 1% body fat and then somebody that was 50 or whatever.

It's crazy. The same body is there, but it's just wrapped in packaging. Yeah. What I say in the mattress game, more cushion for the push. More poo for the poo. in packaging. Yeah. Yeah. What I say in the mattress game, more cushion for the push. Yeah.

More poo for the poo. Gross. Yeah, it is pretty gross. You're right. What do you say we hop onto this wet bed and poo the poo a little bit? See if we can make any waves.

You know what I'm saying? So, yeah. So that's it make any waves. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah. So that's it for Overheard. That's it. Good night, everybody. But wait! What? Yeah, there's more. If you want to join in the Overheard game, you can send them along to StopPodcastingYourself

at gmail.com And the first one comes from Anne Marie in Prescott arizona one of the battle states yeah battleground um i'm a waitress battle bots and at one of my tables wars i'm a waitress and at one of my tables i overheard this mother and her daughter having a conversation about celebrities the mother mother said, wait, did you know that Julia Roberts is an actual whore? Like, in real

life? That's pretty good. That is pretty good. She was so convincing in that role. Have you seen Erin Brockovich? I mean, aren't we all a little bit, you know... Kind of a real whore in real life? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, the way we sell ourselves. Me more than most, yeah. For sex things? We do sex for money. Yeah. Or pizza. Yeah.

Yeah, because you know where the money's going. I'm kind of an unconventional hooker. Yeah. What if that movie... Never mind. What? Like Richard Gere just had a lot of pizza. Yeah, and it's called Pizza Woman.

But nice tits. Firm ass. Yeah, you know, like 12% body fat. Yeah, 12% mushroom content. This one comes from Austin in... Oh, I wish he lived in Austin, but I don't know where he lives. If your name is Austin and you live in Austin,

you have to move, right? Yeah, that's true. Oh, he's from Kentucky, which is... A decidedly red state. Yeah, absolutely. But a bluegrass state. Yeah, oh, food for thought. I have a quick overheard courtesy of a couple of guys discussing their post-graduation plans in my high school advanced algebra class.

Guy one, so where are you going to go to college? Guy two, University of Kentucky. Guy one, cool. I think I want to work in a mail, like in the postal service. Guy two, oh, so you're going to get a job at the post office? Guy one, yeah, does a lion eat a zebra? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, ideally for the lion. But that's not a phrase. You can't just say a thing that's a thing. I think you can. Yeah. Just make up something that's true. Yeah. Something that's true a phrase. You can't just say a thing that's a thing. I think you can. Yeah. We'll just make up something that's true. Yeah. Something that's true a lot of the time.

Mm-hmm. It's, yeah, I, I used to have a joke about that. I suppose I still do. What, about just a phrase that's a phrase? Well, things that are true but kind of confusing. Oh, Dave, that's one of my favorite jokes that you do. Thank you. I remember that one.

What is the line I say? Can you recycle batteries at Safeway? That's the one. I love that one. This last one comes from Joshua O. Now, this is, I have a very old great aunt who is in an old folks home. And some of the people conversations are really strange. One time in particular I heard

two people talking and this is what I heard. And you do hear this a lot from old people. Did you hear about Ellis? No, what about her? She died last night. I guess they say her heart just stopped in her sleep. Oh, well that's too bad. She's a very pleasant woman. But did you hear about

Gladys? No, what happened? She died bad. She's a very pleasant woman. But did you hear about Gladys? No, what happened? She died too. This is a big old folks home. I like that he called it an old folks home because that's something that you, that everyone calls it, but they don't call it that. Well, they call it a retirement.

Or a rest home. A rest home, yeah. That sounds too proper. You know, the old folks home, it's like it's a, you grew up with that. Or they call it a retirement. Or a rest home. A rest home, yeah. That sounds too proper, you know. The old folks home, it's like it's a, you grew up with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone knows what you're talking about. Yeah, I think when you say a rest home, I think of restroom. Yeah. Oh, it's a house where you send people who

go to the bathroom too much. Sounds like a cool house. Yeah, when we flew to New York for Max FunCon, we flew Alaska, and I had never seen this before. We were actually placed in coach. Usually they call it economy, but on Alaska, you're in coach.

Yeah, and the safety presentation is done by the guy from coach yeah coach hayden fox craig t nelson yeah ed o'neill's in the back or ed o'neill's in the front ed o'neill wasn't coach right or no you misremember that's married with children yeah you're thinking of dauber right what are you thinking i don't know i think coach ed o'neill in married with children he had flashbacks to his high school days as a football player he played at polka i do remember coach well what's that guy in now craig t nelson yeah uh he is he was in like some show yeah he's like a patriarch of a i think he coached a football team yeah Yeah, the Screaming Eagles of Minnesota.

His friend was Dauber. Yeah, he had another guy who was Jerry Van Dyke. They had their first show with two doofuses. Oh, nice. Now he does a trance podcast. In addition to overheards that have been written in, we also accept overheards in telephone form. If you own a telephone, punch these numbers into it.

206-339-8328. Like these people have. Beep, boop, boop. Beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Eric in Boston, Mass. I was calling in with an overheard. So I was in a Macy's in the cologne perfume section.

And this real bro-y looking guy, this frat guy walks in and he says to the lady at the counter, yeah, do you have a Sky Vodka cologne? And she says, I don't know what that is. And he goes, well, do you have anything that smells like vodka? I'm not old enough to buy vodka but i gotta impress my friends that is great yeah you know

what smells like vodka and is much cheaper than cologne vodka yeah a sky vodka cologne gross no we only have absolute yeah we're kind of a smirnoff store sir we have Silent Sam. It's odorless. Isn't vodka... People would drink vodka in high school because they believed it didn't smell on their breath. Yeah, and they were wrong. Because vodka... Probably those guys that were aiming the sight at you in that store probably reeked of...

Yeah, vodka. They reeked of something. Mischief. Yay! Cokes for Yeah. Mischief. Yay! Cokes for everyone. Next phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham and guests. It's Mike from Melbourne calling in an overheard.

I was in Manhattan at a stoplight waiting for it to change and two brothers on race of scoobers pulled up next to me. The older brother turned to the young boy and said mom is really mad that's why she's going to break up with you mom's really mad yeah that's why she's gonna break up with you oh harsh bird that's a re a reimagining of the age old you're adopted kind of oh yeah siblings mom's breaking up with you. Yeah, wow. Mom thinks you and she should see other children. And mothers. Yeah, you should see other mothers.

And they were on razor scooters? Yeah. Is that the same thing that I'm thinking in my head? Oh, in Australia, a razor scooter is... Is a car. And children drive them And old people Once you're 16 years old

You can scoot around on one of those dumb razor scooters Yeah, exactly Australia just got razor scooters Yeah, congratulations That's great, that was a big move Next they're going to get Sobe If I have anything to say about it, they will Just going to go down Australia. Oh, well, if I have anything to say about it, they will.

Just going to go down to Australia, tour around, show them a leg. Make a million dollars. It's all part of a complicated business model that I've designed. Hey, but it's the soby guy. I reckon. Here is your final overheard.

Hi, Dave and Graham this is Megan calling from Ashland Oregon with an overheard and I'm outside I'm walking to the grocery store so I'm sorry if it's windy but I just walked past my local elementary school where they were racing and there was

like a PE instructor running with a kid in the back of the line and he was encouraging him to instructor running with a kid in the back of the line, and he was encouraging him to keep running. And the kid said, fine, I'll do it. But I want you to know it's only because I don't have any friends, which I thought was very sad. And the PE instructor said, maybe you'll have friends in high school, which I thought was also sad because that kid's like eight years old,

and it's a long time. Yeah. Yeah. You're definitely not going to have friends in middle school. Yeah. But you keep running.

Somebody might like you. You'll be able to chase your friends. Yeah, just keep running and you'll impress people with your lung capacity. Yeah. Look how many friends

Usain Bolt has. We should be friends with Johnny. He is like a gazelle out there. If there's one thing runners, if there's one sport that is not completely solitary, it's running. Oh. Oh, the loneliness of the middle distance runner. Yeah. For a scope.

Now, Connor, if people, this brings us to the end of the show cool and so this is where we always try to figure out where can we try to figure it out who why did you get what's going on um if people want to track you down online if they want to see you doing live shows which i highly recommend, where can they find out about, like, do you have anything coming up? I'm, well, I'm doing a show tonight, but that doesn't, that doesn't help. That's ancient history. Yeah.

Think. And then I do stuff in Toronto, if you guys are ever in Toronto. I mean, probably the best way to find out is my Twitter feed, which is Connor Holler. So it's just C-O-N-O-R-H-O-L-L-E-R. And I post jokes on there sometimes. I'm trying to be better about it. Trying to do more. Less pizza stuff.

Well, I mean, you don't want to forget your roots, Dave. Yeah. I mean, it's not happened as much anymore, but it's still a lot of food shame going on. So if you guys like food shame, check out my Twitter. And if people want to send us uh tattoo designs yeah for connor's consideration we will pass them on to connor for his well no but i need to add a caveat to that because i it i want them to be like for graham yeah yeah you first have to make it oh yeah yeah they're not for connor's consideration they're for our consideration for graham to get and yeah

and subsequently not get yeah and then if yeah if you see one you're like graham to get and yeah and subsequently not get yeah and then if yeah if you see one you're like i want to get that then you get it and then the deal's off with me but if you're like i don't like any of these but i might get that one if i had to yeah okay then you show it to me i'll be like i'll get that i like it i'll put that on my twitter feed um i forgot about that yeah You almost got off the hook. And, yeah, so check out Connor. If you do live in Toronto and you see that he has a show coming up, I strongly, strongly recommend you go out and see him,

because he's very, very funny indeed. And, Dave, how's the mustache going? Oh, yeah. I am growing this mustache, this kick-ass mustache for Movember. The date today is election night, November 6th. There's nothing there yet. It's coming in. I got my first donation today, and that was lovely.

So, yeah, if you would like to donate to the cause of fighting men's cancers and other health issues, there's a link that I will post on the blog recap at stoppodcastingyourself.com. Yeah, I have to donate. I will do that. Whatever. Me too. And if you like the show,

trot on over to maximumfun.org, check out the blog recap, which has... I said stoppodcastingyourself.com. It just takes you to maximum fun absolutely um and then also you can check out our brother and sister podcast over at maximum fun.org oh boy so many of them so great yeah there's a lot of rates of risk my brother my brother and me jordan jesse go bullseye the memory palace memory palace that's what I was trying to remember that whole time And his Armin Van Armin Van Buren's podcast

Yeah, absolutely Eat This Thing Watch The Stars Two Guys Review Movies Snack Pod What's That Smell? Yeah What was the one we came up with? Wow Me

Yeah, Wow Me And We're done here. Yeah, we're done here. Were those real or fake? The last two were... Well, no. All the ones Graham said were fake. Yeah, those are all fake. But the last two that we came up with, we'll describe them in the future.

Wow Me and We're Done Here. And if you like the show, you can head over to iTunes, write a review saying so. And if you want to get in contact with us, it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. And thanks for listening and join us next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. casting yourself.