Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 244 - Ryan Beil

Episode Date: November 20, 2012

Improviser and former spokesman Ryan Beil returns to talk about single-A baseball, donkey riding, and Graham's weird commercial.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 244 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man whose mustache is coming in very, very well. And he's wearing nice loafers and a kind of a real wintry, like, waffle shirt. Yeah.

Yeah, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, it's just covered in syrup. Yeah, it's a real tough guy look. Yeah, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, it's just covered in syrup. Yeah, it's a real tough guy look. Thank you. What with my mustache. I'll get this plug right out of the way off the top. Growing my mustache is part of the Movember movement. And if you would like to donate, head over.

Well, go to MaximumFun.org and uh on the stop podcasting yourself recap blog i'll put a link right at the top there you can donate to the cause of uh uh you know men's cancers and just men's mustaches yeah yeah pro stash yeah and our guest today hi a repeat guest we were just establishing this is technically your third technically Technically your fourth. Fourth. Because you've been in a live... Okay. Technically your fourth visit. Very funny. Improviser, actor, comedian extraordinaire, Mr. Ryan Beal.

Hello. I am Ryan Beal. Actually, you mentioned spokesperson, Dave. I think I should break it on your podcast. Uh-oh. A&W has decided to drop me. Oh. Yeah.

What? That's right. If you didn't know, I do A&W commercials every now and then on the TV in Canada only. Yeah.

And they've been okay. They've been great. And they've been paying my life. But it's time everything comes to an end. Yeah. So, you know.

Do everyday turn, turn, turn. Exactly. Play it on the tuba. Like the birds. Yep. Are you okay? Yeah, I'll be fine. You know, it's shocking.

I'm glad that you're breaking it here. Yeah, I'm breaking it. I'm breaking the story. But I'll be fine. Who knows what they're going to do next? I'm thinking of taking my resume to another fast food place. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Walk right across the street to the Burger King offices in the fast food district. Step up. Oh, let's get to know us. Yes, okay. Get to know us. Now... What about Orange Julius? Yeah, yeah.

I'm not beyond a juice stand. I don't think I've ever seen an ad for Orange Julius. I'm... They only... Their ads are their kiosks. That's all you need. Yeah, they're not beyond a juice stand. I don't think I've ever seen an ad for Orange Julius. They only... Their ads are their kiosks. That's all you need. Yeah, I guess. They're only...

Like, I've only ever seen them in food courts, up until recently, when they sort of combined with Dairy Queens. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But you would never, like, read a magazine and see an ad, a full-page ad for Orange Julius.

No, like a four-page fold-out for Orange Julius. Our blenders are 90% faster now. Yeah, but it reads like an article, but at the top it says advertisement. Yeah, oh, I love that. An in-depth article about Orange Julius. Who's making all the racket in the food court. Ben Stein says. Yeah, we still sell hot dogs.

And those weird pizza dogs. Yeah, we still sell hot dogs. And those weird pizza dogs. No, but you're like a full-time, you're a working actor. You're in a play that's coming up in the Christmas season. Yeah, it's a David Sedaris play called Santa Land Diaries. He wrote it when he moved to New York. He was 33, and he worked as an elf, a helper elf, at the Macy's Santa Land, like where people go to visit Santa.

Yeah. And so it's a very sort of dark sort of – basically he just sort of kept a journal about all the crappy and shitty things that happened to him, and a few good things. I didn't realize that he was 33 at the time. At that time, yeah, there's a line. He was a 33-year-old man applying for a job as an elf. Wow.

Gives you hope. Gives me hope. Absolutely. Gives you hope. Yeah. I still have time to become a famous and rich author. Yeah. Still could have.

Yeah, I don't think there's any. Isn't that kind of the one occupation you can kind of dive into at age 50? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's not like you have early mornings and late. It all comes down to your words per minute. You know, how much, how fast you can type.

Typing on your deathbed. That's it. That's it. And those were Angela's ashes. That's the big reveal at the end of Angela's ashes. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. So, what else is going on?

What's new? Tell us about Ryan Beal. Oh, you know, plodding along in life. I had a great summer. I bought season's tickets to the local baseball team, the Vancouver Canadiens. Oh, great. Yeah. So, I did that for most of the summer.

And what does season tickets cost? It depends It's a really short season It's a short season It goes from June to September You're right I'm in the Diamond Club Which is probably the fanciest seats

You're going to find Waitresses that serve you beer at your seat You don't have to get up or find the beer guy. Now, when they say diamond, they mean it like two ways, right? I think so. I think absolutely. A diamond. Right?

Like a diamond. And also the baseball diamond. There's also the blood diamond section. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Which is better service, but you feel horrible about yourself. In what section can you find Lou Diamond Phillips? He just wanders the park. He just wanders around.

He hopes to get his shot. So our local baseball squadron is called? The Vancouver Canadiens. They're a single A team. A low A team, because there's actually a single A you could go to above this single A that is better. Oh, really? So they're like the very bottom, but still connected to professional baseball.

They are affiliated with the Toronto Blue Jays? That's correct, Dave. Now, when I was growing up, we were a triple A team. We were triple A, yeah. Is that better? Yeah, that's the top. One rung below the pros. The bigs.

The show. The show, as Kevin Costner taught us about. Uh-huh. Bull Durham. The show. I obviously did not retain that information. And we were the affiliate of the... You know, we were the White Sox.

And then eventually the Athletics. And then eventually the Angels. Is that true? Yeah. I know the first two. I didn't know the Angels. Maybe not AAA Angels. Now, when you say affiliate, you mean like this is the farm team? Yeah.

When their players do bad, they send them down here to get a taste of reality. When their players do bad or get injured and need to sort of learn to re-swing a bat. Find their groove, learn to love again.

They go down to the minors. Wow. So how was your, was this the summer of baseball? It was wonderful. Will you get tickets again? I've already re-upped my seasons, moved my two little seats closer to the aisle. So, yeah, I'm going for another round. Second helping.

Now, I usually go one or two games a year, and the tickets are so cheap, it's always a temptation to get first through fourth row tickets right behind the home plate. Yeah. And then, because they're like $15. It's not much more expensive, yeah. And then I get a sunburn. And then I realize, oh, what am I doing here? I'm roasting in the sun.

I should have got tickets under the... Under the roof, the awning. Where are your seats? I'm in the sunburn section. You like to be out there. I had some hilarious burns, because I just didn't move for a few hours. And just a very, very specific burns. Like arms crossed yeah like like it looked like i tried to like you know like like weird shape like rhombus on my arm like how did that happen it's just direct specific you know

sun sun placement now you uh you're like a baseball sorry you're a baseball fanatic i like i like the baseball and uh how how is it to live in a city that doesn't have a like a baseball, sorry, you're a baseball fanatic. I like, I like the baseball. And how, how is it to live in a city that doesn't have a, like a major league team? Like, would you rather be in a city that has a big league? Maybe. I mean, I don't know. I kind of like the, the minor league experience is actually a little bit more fun than the major league experience. In what ways?

I've been down to Seattle. Sure. I've been in Toronto, you know, it's a little bit more, you're not as close to the action. Like, when I'm at the ballpark, I can yell at a player, and I know that he hears me. I know that he hears me.

And you know it's going to ruin his day. Yeah, and he's young. He's like 17, you know. So it's cutting. I used to heckle a lot more, I tell you, but my seats are good seats. And I once, in the middle of a heckle, I finished heckling this poor kid. And I looked to my right and all the opposing teams and Canadians, but also the opposing teams players who aren't dressed, sit right behind home plate and do scorekeeping,

and they have radar guns. And I made eye contact with these guys, and I just had this horrible vision of one day this undressed, corn-fed husky boy following me to the restroom and giving me some stiff stomach punches, like, don't ever say that to me again! Trying to play ball out there. You whiny motherfucker.

Yeah, because it's very likely that you could see the players that you were heckling in the parking lot. Well, they're waiting for the bus. The other thing I find strange about single-A baseball is I believe there's only two umpires. Yeah, except when you get to the playoffs and's only two umpires? Yeah. Except when you get to the playoffs and all the other umpires who have nothing to do are like, well, I guess I can help.

Now they have too many umpires. Seven or eight. The third team of umpires. There's just one guy behind home plate and one guy who's just a rover. Just a rover. And they're usually really small guys, too. Like, you know, like, so that's fun.

Tiny little guys. Tiny little guys. Tiny little cars. Oh, man. So it's great. It's great. It's a great experience. You know, you're close to the action.

Do the, do, is this a thing? Am I imagining this wrong or am I just remembering the scene from uh naked gun where he's the umpire yeah do they wear a sport coat no not anymore i mean maybe he does in that movie he does i think in the majors like the umpires have a few different looks i don't know if they still do the black sports coats anymore but that was a thing for sure that was in the 80s in the 80s 90s yeah like they dressed him up a bit uh triedried to make him a little more respectable. Yeah, exactly. We're all going out for lunch after these guys.

Yeah. So everybody wear your nice slacks. Yeah, exactly. Except on casual Fridays. Then they can wear whatever they want. You can wear a polo. Tucked into your chinos. So baseball's over.

Baseball's over. So then what do you do? What happens in the fall? We're talking that you live close to a beach. Close to the beach. Fall's my favorite season, guys. Totally. Sorry. We're preaching to the choir over here.

This is a big fall. I love fall. I hate summer. I just can't stand it. Absolutely. I find it... I don't feel alive in the summer. Everything's dying and dead.

I like autumn. It's refreshing, you know. The rain comes. Everything's gaining some water. Yeah. Some people are really retaining some water. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I like a crisp autumn day. Who doesn't? Oh, it's cold, but the sun's out. Yeah, yeah. Today. Oof,? Oh, it's cold, but the sun's out. Yeah, yeah. Today. Oof, today. Yeah.

Oof, maroon. Now, one thing I... Oof, maroon. Sorry. Did you want to get it in there one more time? Just get it clean? Oof, maroon. There we go.

Sure. Is this your character, the mobbed up? Yeah, this is a guy who's seen Sopranos recently. That's my character. Oh. Yeah. Oh, hey. Ooh, forget about that.

There's no such thing as the mob. Forget about that. Oh, murder. I'll kill you. I don't know. Everything's good, though, murder. I'll kill you. I don't know. Yeah, Autumn. Everything's good, though, guys. I'm doing a play, rehearsing the Sedaris play.

Gabagool. Gabagool, Autumn. Do you play the lead character, David Sedaris, in the play? I actually don't know what the characters are. That's crazy. There are lines in the play which says, I refer to myself as David Sedaris, which is kind of interesting because it's not like a real play. It's just a collection of his stories that you sort of try to theatricalize. Like a very specific kind of voice.

He does, but I ain't doing that. No, no. I'm not that kind of actor. I've tried. When I do acting, it's me as the character I'm playing. That's as far as my imagination will let me go. The comedian in me, when I start to do too much acting acting. Like accents.

Yeah. Well, accents are sometimes... I'm also just horrible at accents, which is hilarious. Oof marone. Oof marone, for example. That's what I'm doing. I worked hours on that. I got a tape out of the library.

You can get dialect tapes out of the library if you ever need to. Is that really? I'm going to do an accent. Really? You have to have a tape player. Okay. Because I think they're all still on, like, you know, tapes. And so it would be like, what is the matter you?

It's like, what's the matter you? Sort of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah uh so like uh what do you think about a guy like uh like daniel day lewis that's like like did you hear about that he had to walk through a time machine thing on set no did you hear about this for lincoln yeah no that he would between between his trailer and the set they had a giant cardboard box that was labeled Time Machine. No. Yeah.

Then he had to walk through. It wasn't even a good one? No. Yeah, exactly. Like you would think Spielberg would be able to call it. It wasn't even a hot tub. I also heard that at the end of shooting, he needed to be shot in the back of the head. By a handsome southern actor. Yeah, it was just with a paintball.

So they got Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. And he shot him. But they said he had like steven spielberg said that he had to like like anything like if a phone rang he would he would like be like what is what is this yeah i can't i don't know i mean i like daniel day lewis and everything he's done so i mean good for him but i just, I don't know. I think some actors make it too hard on themselves. I don't know. Just pretend to be the thing you're pretending to be.

But whatever you need, I guess. But, you know, like in, what was it? There Will Be Blood, didn't he, like, abuse the character? One of the people playing he got him fired for something. I don't know what I'm talking about. There was a different guy who originally played the preacher. That's it. And he had to leave because

Daniel Day-Lewis wouldn't stop hating him or something. Something. Method. You know. I think. He killed him. There was blood Now Spoiler alert

There will be blood There will have been blood There will have been blood There should be blood Every time I talk to you You are obsessed with a different thing on YouTube Okay Now in the past it has been

Oh yeah To catch a predator To Catch a Predator. To Catch a Predator. That comes up yearly for me. Oh, okay. I like to watch those. It's sort of like a comforting old book. Go back and revisit it.

Girl Up, the New Jersey episode. Yeah. It's like your Little Women. Exactly. Is there anything new that we should... I'm trying to think. I've been real busy. No, nothing...

Because I think the last... Nothing specific on YouTube that I'm looking at. Because I think we were watching this show that we were obsessed with for like three months called Gigolos. Oh, no. I haven't seen. It's about real life gigolos, I imagine?

Yeah. It's a reality show. To a certain extent. Theoretically. On paper. And I forget who it was it might have been christine who yeah who said uh oh ryan would love this oh cool ryan on this i'll take a look yeah yeah i don't think it's probably on youtube because there is actual sex and it's very gross yeah and then, yeah, it's incredibly graphic. Wow. But it's their lives off of the women that are so great. Right.

And their lives on the women. It's great. Yeah. On the clock and on the legs. Yeah, I got you. What were their names? What was our favorite guy's name? Bryce?

Oof Marone. Oof Marone. Oof Marone. There was, yeah, there was, it was Bryce. Bryce. I was going to say it was Bryce or Braden. Classic. Classic Jiggalo name, Bryce. Yeah, there was... Brace. Brace. I was going to say, was Bryce or Braden? Classic. Classic gigolo name, Bryce.

Yeah, he was the old guy. And then there was the... Oh. The sage. There was Nick Hawk, the rapper. Yeah, he was a rapper. He had a lot of tattoos. Okay.

And then there was a black guy. We didn't know it was black until we re-watched episode one, where they were like, hey, they're adding a black guy. They're adding a black guy. They're adding a black guy to our gigolo team. They're bringing him up from the triple A to the single A.

Oh yeah, would you get tickets to that? Yeah, I would absolutely get season tickets to a low A gigolo squad. Tackling them? You got nothing. That old lady doesn't care for you, really. Sure. Another guy behind him with a radar gun.

Too slow. Too slow. Brace. Right over the plate. Now watch this curve. I don't know how things work. Yeah. All right, so nothing new on YouTube.

Yeah, nothing on YouTube. No, I've been busy. You've been working. I've been working. Before this, which is a one-man show, this David Sedaris thing I'm doing. Just me. Just me on stage. Oh, because in the poster there's another guy, but he's way off in the background.

Yeah, exactly. So he's just a made-up dude. Window dressing. Yeah, exactly. I reference other people, but they're all non-existent. Okay. people, but they're all non-existent. Before this, I did another one-man show, which was decidedly less comedic,

based on a Goethe novel. Do you know Goethe? You're both familiar with Goethe. You both feel like a Goethe-only podcast. Somebody's been using his dialect tapes. Listen to that German. Do you mean Goethe? Yeah, that's one.

Goethe. That's what it is. Goethe. What was it called? It was called The Sorrows of Young Werther or Werther. That is it.

The Sorrows of Young Werther. Did you do the accent the whole time? No. When I said my name, I said my name is Werther. Okay. Yeah.

How many people in the audience committed suicide? Not me. Oh, no. No, I did. No, wait. No, just me. My character killed himself at the end of the show.

You know the novel. I don't. You don't? Just from the title, I was like, people are going to slit their wrists while watching. It was not a romp. No, no. It's about a man who descends into madness about unrequited love and then shoots himself in the head at the end. Oh.

Okay, so it's a modern story. Guns were invented. Exactly. So guns are around. He shot himself, but it was with an arrow. He spends the first half hour of the play loading his musket. Act two is just me beating myself with a hammer. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, man. I'm so sorry. How was that? How is being in a real heavy dramatic thing? It's okay. Yeah? Do you not feel sad at the end of it?

I've never really been a guy that takes that with me. Like, I can sort of, yeah. You just walk through it. Yeah, cardboard box. Yeah, exactly. I have various cardboard boxes I walk through. It changed my emotions. A cardboard box, Jack Kevorkian suicide machine.

This one's a sauna, I tell people. It's not. I just walk through the emotion trough. Yeah, exactly. As long as the crew has set up my intricate system of cardboard box machines, I'm fine. I'm fine. That's all I need. So you're fine at the end of something

sad I've always been okay I've never been I've never been a guy that like yeah takes that with me when you're doing it

like how can you tell if it's any good if there's no spot for the audience to laugh yeah I don't know that's a really good point well that's actually

kind of freeing in a way because it's like I don't know if it's good or not like all I know is I gotta get through it and then boom as long, I don't know if it's good or not. All I know is I've got to get through it, and then boom. As long as you don't hear the exit door slamming several times during the play.

Slamming. Yeah, exactly. That's your indicator. So two back-to-back one-man shows. And you know what's hilarious is the next theater gig I'm doing is another one-man show. So there's no opening night thing where you're giving cards to everybody? No. Well, you know, the director will

give me a card, but I don't gotta give anyone a card. Yeah! So that's good. I should. I mean, there are still people working on the show, but... I generally buy some candy or some... Just throw it over him. Some bruise.

Yeah, throw it at him. Yeah, yeah. From the candy box. How many people work on a one-man show? It depends. You've got your director, you've got your stage manager. Often you've got a couple assistant stage managers or maybe just one assistant stage manager.

So like a five? And then you've got your designers, but they're not in all the time so someone designs the set someone designs the sound someone designs uh they get like half a twix yeah whatever's left or all the scorebook yeah you don't like the score i'm not a sky did overdid it's one of those chocolate bars i overdid uh is that just a canadian thing score what is a score a score. I overdid. It's one of those chocolate bars I overdid. Is that just a Canadian thing? Score? What is a score? A score is a very thin caramel, hard caramel.

Yeah. Yeah. Toffee, maybe? Oh, like a toffee. Yeah. Dipped in chocolate. They try to sell it as like a fancy sort of like for adults. Yeah. S-K-O-R.

Score. Yeah. It has sort of a European spelling. After hours Yeah, like, yeah After a night at the bar Go home and eat some score bars And then it gets stuck in your dental work

Oh yeah, yeah But it's like hard, isn't it? Yeah Weird, maybe that is just a Canadian score What else are just Canadian chocolate bars? Coffee Crisp What about Crispy Crunch? Crispy Crunch I think they now have in the United States.

Because that's another one I can't do anymore. That's like a peanut butter affair. It's like a harder peanut butter affair. Oh, it's good though. Is Crunchy Canadian? Or is that American? Like the sponge toffee one? I know that Eatmores are all over, right?

No, Eatmores were... I thought they were just Canadian. Really? We did a... I don't know when it'll be released, but when we were at MaxFunCon, we did a live version of their game show, International Waters.

Yeah. And it was Canada versus the United States, and they asked us to bring any Canadian food we could do. Yeah. Mustard. Yeah. Yeah. We could get across the border. We could do. Yeah. So we would And there was a round where we did a blindfold

Tasting And so what did we bring? Big Turk That was the consensus on the panel Yeah, I've never had one I like it, really? Yeah, well I don't like it anymore But I liked it

It's designed to be like Turkish Delight. Turkish Delight dipped in chocolate, right? But it's more like just a jujube with chocolate on it. Isn't that... But isn't that what a Turkish Delight is? A Turkish Delight is like jelly with like frosted sugar... Tips. Frosted tips. It's been

one year of university. Frosted tips, got a tongue ring, and you know. Hookah shell necklace. In major trouble with its RA. The RA bar. What is that?

I've never had it, but I always saw it in candy stores. It came in a yellow package, and it was like this gross-looking chocolate cherry drop or something. Cherry blossom. It was like bleeding. The photograph

on the box was the most disgusting looking. It was like it had been dissected and then was bleeding out. They must have had a group like, how are we going to make this look the most like a human bodily function. No other chocolate bar has a photograph of the chocolate bar on the packaging. It's like it's wearing a Halloween costume of itself.

Exactly. Although like Cherry Blossom doesn't tell you really what you're in for at all. No. Cherry, but what's the blossom? It should be called Ooze Factory. Cherry Ooze Blossom. Yeah, No, no. Cherry, but what's the blossom? It should be called Ooze Factory. Cherry Ooze Blob. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Cherry Ooze Blob.

Get it while you can. But Blob's spelled all classy, like B-L-A-U-B. Blob. Yeah, Blob. And the other Canadian candy we brought was Smarties. Yeah.

Which is actually... No way, Zach. Oh, that's crazy. It's British. It's British, really. Really? Yeah. They have something called Smarties in the States Which is actually... No way, Zach. That's crazy. That blows my mind. Really? Yeah. They have something called Smarties in the States, but are like a...

What we would call a rocket. Okay. Yeah. They must have liked the Smarties. Those were great. I think the only one that made the final cut was the Big Turk. Yeah. Okay.

Well, Big Turk's funnier. Yeah, absolutely. Hilarious. It's called Big Turk. The Big Turk. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, not a heck of a lot, but I was remembering something that we didn't talk about, about our travels to the United States.

Oh, yeah, sure. Which was at my work, I work at CBC Music. Canada's music leader. SLC. Yeah. CBCmusic.ca. And we do these album streams of sometimes Canadian artists, sometimes international artists. And we usually do them like the week before the album comes out.

And the Newfoundland Celtic band, Great Big Sea, put out a Greatest Hits album. And I had to upload all of the songs to our website. Had to or got to? Got to. And I was looking through all the songs and there was one, I told you this, called Donkey Riding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And I was like, oh, is this the one that goes, hey-ho, away we go, donkey riding, donkey riding.

Hey-ho, away we go, riding on a donkey. Sure enough, it was. And my co-workers were like, good one, Dave. Your co-workers who are members of the band Great Big Sea. But then I listened to it, and that was absolutely what the song was. It's an old folk song. And then since all my coworkers were in disbelief that that was the song, I pitched the idea of doing a blog post on the top five donkey riding songs.

And so I told this to Graham, and he was like, well, let's look it up. Let's find all the other donkey riding songs. And you found like five of them. Yeah. Five different songs about donkey riding. Well, I guess we've been riding donkeys as a species for a while now. Yeah, and there's like... And you gotta sing about it. There was a

biblical one. Maybe one or two of them might have been like... Jesus on a donkey. I found a donkey. Oh, here we go. Jesus donkey. Jesus donkey. Go around the world, don't you say, oh, where we go. Jesus on a donkey. Jesus donkey. Donkey, Jesus. And then one of them was a rap song.

Yeah, what was his name? By 69 or something like that? No, it was... Maybe that was the album. I forget what it was. It went 69. Maybe it was the name of the album. I feel like I had heard who it was from. It was 69 maybe it was the name of the album i feel like i

had heard who it was from um it was like maybe the person who did da dip oh da dip yeah oh da dip oh da dip but it was um uh was it 69 boys oh 69 boys that's what it was yeah um and it uh uh the song was called Let Me Ride That Donkey Butt. Yeah. Now, what kind of a butt is a donkey butt? It doesn't specifically say, but at one point he says, I ain't too proud to beg something donkey leg. He'll settle for the leg, but it's got to be a donkey. Yeah, we never actually heard the song, but we looked up the lyrics while we were... I'm pretty sure I could sue those guys, because I wrote a similar song when I was 14.

I'm pretty sure I wrote that song when I was a younger man. Well, these guys are called the 69 Boys because they're all 69 years old. Okay. So they probably wrote it a little earlier than you. They shopped at a store called Forever 69. Forever 69. But yeah, the chorus, we never listened to the song. We just read the lyrics and the chorus had, let me ride that donkey donkey.

Let me ride that donkey donkey. Let me ride that donkey butt. Yeah. That's great. That's great. It's most of the song is let me ride that donkey donkey. Yeah. Well, I hope he gets to. Oh, great. It's most of the song is Let Me Ride That Donkey Butt. Yeah. Well, I hope he gets to.

Oh, yeah. It's never... You never find out? Yeah, it's one of those... Cliffhangers. Yeah, songs that's sort of ambiguous. It's going to be like his R. Kelly's Trapped in a Closet. I hope that never ends.

There is a new one, right? There is, yeah. I haven't had a taste. I've been busy. I heard that he's going to release like, he's going to just keep releasing them. His, like, plan is to release, like, a hundred of them. That's great. It's just going to be...

That's good. Good plan. But was there any more story that we were... Well, the last, when I left it, and I'm sorry, people have probably already, there's probably a new story, but when I left it, it was everyone could have AIDS in the story. Oh. Because they were talking about, like, you have the package. It's called The Package.

Right. Which is in reference to, because they've all been sleeping with various combinations of everyone. They all could have, you know, the preacher has a gay lover, Rosie the nosy neighbor. Yeah. Someone's having the midget. Midget and the midget. Bridget and the midget. Yeah. Someone's having the midget. Midget and... Bridget. Bridget and the midget. Yeah, Bridget and the midget.

I like Rosie the nosy neighbor because we learn a little bit more about her and then because she... R. Kelly plays her husband. Oh, right. And there's the immortal line where R. Kelly in the R&B says... Because she's looking out the window

trying to figure out what's going on and R. Kelly is Rosie the nosy neighbor's old husband, goes, I hope a bird comes by and shit on your head. Oh, man, what sweet revenge that would be for giving me AIDS. I hope a bird comes by and shit on your head. Look, I know you gave me AIDS, but I'm real riled up here. Is it true that that's good luck? A bird shitting on your head?

Is that like how they proved it? I don't know if they've proven it, but that is what people like to say. My mom always told me, go out and buy a scratch and win if a bird ever poops on you. And she told me this when I was young, before I was even old enough to buy scratch. I think she just wanted me to get her a scratch. Also, we need milk. Put on your fake mustache. Anytime a bird shits on you, go get groceries.

It's lucky. Yeah, we had a canary, and she just made a shit on me. Just held it over your head and squeezed. Squeezy, we called him. Squeezy the canary. Easy squeezy, we'd call him. Squeezy we called him Squeezy the Canary Easy Squeezy we'd call him Squeezy Yeah so that's me

Reminiscing about Donkey Donkey Donkey well that's good for you guys Looking up that stuff Donkey riding Learning Yeah I would have thought there would have been a dirty song Because there's that

There was it was about riding a donkey butt Oh right Well excuse me I forgot Yeah it was by the 69 boys, excuse me. I forgot. Yeah. It was by the 69 Boys. Oh, excuse me. Right. Excuse me.

Right. Yes, excuse me. I would have thought there would have been a dirty one. Yeah, by like a group with a dirty name or something. Maybe a rap group. Oh, lordy. Now, Graham. Yeah.

What's up with you? Yeah, buddy. You seem troubled. Yeah. In general? No, I'm just... Oh, maybe I am troubled yeah oh no no i uh here's the thing that i that i did now i i'm not an actor yeah um by any stretch but i was uh

i was invited to audition for a an online commercial in which I would be playing a woman's vagina. Give me more details. It's because of your beard. Because of my beard. They needed a large beard. Beard. So they're going to superimpose the lower half of my face onto a woman's body because it's for a waxing place. Okay. And I don't know how auditions are supposed to go. Badly.

Yeah, they never go good. They're the worst. But anyways, I did it. And I think I'm going to be doing the whatever, the commercial. You got it. You booked it. Yeah, I think so. It was all very...

They left it up in the air, like at the end of that donkey riding song. Yeah, but I really did not know what I was doing at all. When you auditioned, were there bearded guys in the room? No, I was the only guy, And they videotaped me doing it. Your offer only. Do you talk in kind of like a, hi! Yeah, how you doing? Yeah, I tried to make him sound as much like a construction worker or the Mucinex guy.

Oh, I love the Mucinex. Twelve hours! There was a period of time where I was depressed, and I was on the couch, and I left A&E on all day, because I just wanted to watch Criminal Minds. And they just rolled into each other, you know? The credits would play while the other one was starting.

Anyways, they would constantly play the Mucinex commercial, and I just fell in love with that guy. I love the Mucinex. That guy helped you climb out of depression. Oh, yeah. I owe a lot to him and all his relatives. That's right. For the listener

who doesn't know, the Mucinex spokesperson is an anthropomorphic glob of mucus. Glob of mucus. He's green. And he's like a construction worker.

Yeah, he wears... He's a schlubby. He's got like a suit. He's like, he knocks on your door like, can I come in? You know?

And he stays too long. He is mucus. He knocks on your door like, can I come in? He stays too long. He is mucus. He's made of mucus. Anyways, great commercials. Yeah, so I basically did that. That's fantastic. Yeah, I mean, I don't... Is that it?

Is that auditioning? Yep. You just go in and pick a commercial that you like and do that? You go in and you kind of feel unfulfilled about the whole experience, and then you get it or not. Yeah. And that's it. That's it. Did you consider doing a different voice, like maybe the Nasonex B?

I did do another voice that was, like, more like maybe a kind of an effeminate, but not overly effeminate. Just like an effeminate kind of like maybe... Like a vagina. Yeah. Yeah, but maybe like somebody that would do museum tours or something. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. Right.

Are they going to... I'm sorry. No, please. When you do it, it's going to be your mouth on a vagina. Or, no, like, in lua. In lua. They'll superimpose, like, legs around your neck? Yeah, like, they're going to take what they call in the show business a plate of a woman,

and then they'll green screen, I'll be green screen, and then they'll put just my mouth and beard on that area. I want you to get this. Yeah, yeah. So they're like, we'll call you? Well, no, the thing is because I think they're doing it because the company that's doing it wants it to go out of business.

Yeah. They want to move the company to Albuquerque so they need to tank it so they so they've come up with various ad campaigns yeah which which then becomes the most successful ad campaign that has ever been seen and the producers yeah and there it is um but yeah like uh uh i think uh they're doing it as a portfolio piece so like the date of shooting keeps getting flip-flopped around so i don't know if it's i have a date that it might happen okay i want to be there i want to i want to take pictures i want everybody to come i want all my friends yeah you should show up with an entourage i just want to

see you in the green... Like, what you have to wear is... I think they said I'm going to have to wear a green... Like a hood? Turtleneck. A turtleneck. Yeah, and then maybe... Like, I'll have to keep my head still,

and they'll, like, have it in, like, an area or something. And your teeth will be present in the whole thing? Like, it'll be like a mouth? I guess. That's creepy to me, the teeth. Oh, it's very creepy. I mean, not the whole thing is creepy, but the... Also, I don't feel like...

I don't have my... Like, I've never had my teeth whitened or anything. Your teeth look great from here, buddy. Yeah, my teeth are not good. What if you showed up... Crooked. Oh, yeah. No, but they've got personality.

You should consider showing up on the day with, like, fangs or braces. Braces. I'm so sorry. You forgot that I was getting limp done. You kept pushing the date back. Also, at one point, the guy said, oh, we'll clean up the beard a bit. And I wrote to the lady that I would be in touch with. I was like, I don't want anybody touching my beard.

Yeah. Good for you. That's a deal breaker for you. Yeah. I said, I don't want anybody touching my beard. Good for you. That's a deal breaker for you. Yeah. I said, I don't want to trim my beard. I don't want anything I got. So I'll put up. I'll just stink if that happens. Good for you. Walk. Yeah. Walk. Like a man.

Walk off. Have you ever? Never. I've walked off of a gig where I was on stage and in the middle of it, the crowd was so bad, I just said, I'm not going to take the money for this gig. You guys are terrible. This gig is awful. Were they just not listening or were they just mean? They were mean? Both.

They were not listening and mean. So I just left. Sucks. I'm glad that we're planning your walkout. Yeah. But it is sort of a dream thing. I mean, Ryan Ryan You're an actor It's hard for you

But Graham Like you don't care What have you got to lose? Oh yeah I'm not This is not You could get another vagina gig Absolutely

I was offered three this year You could maybe even play an armpit Yeah I don't know What would Daniel Day-Lewis need To play a vagina? What kind of elaborate You know He needs like a shrinking ray What would Daniel Day-Lewis need to play a vagina? What kind of elaborate, you know?

He'd need like a shrinking ray. He would walk around in his house with panties on his head for 23 hours a day. Yeah, or maybe between the legs of a woman. Yeah. Or like in the green screen, they'd have to put green underwear on his head. Yes. What would he need? That's a question. Yeah, he'd have to go green underwear on him, on his head. Yikes. What would he need? That's a question.

He would, yeah, he'd have to go through a box labeled pants. Every morning. I'm getting in my pants. Oh, man, what a weirdo. That's what he calls underwear. And for one week every month. Oh, guys. Come on.

Well, one guy, Ryan. Well, me. Let's move on over here yes jesse thorn here proprietor of maximum fun.org look we had a great time in the poconos and everything but there's no way we are forgetting about our annual trip to Lake Arrowhead here in Southern California. So, unless the world ends first by Mayan prophecy, Max Fun Con West will be held May 31st through June 2nd, 2013. Join us for a showcase of elite stand-up comedy performers in the woods, plus informative classes and talks from some of the best creative minds in the nation. If you've been to Max Fun Con before, get ready to reunite with your old friends.

And if you're a first-timer, get ready to make a whole ton of new ones. Registration will open up on Black Friday, November 23rd, the day after Thanksgiving, at MaxFunCon.com. It's basically the greatest holiday present anyone could ever get. It's basically the greatest holiday present anyone could ever get. Act fast. MaxFunCon pretty much always sells out, and we don't expect this year to be any different. So, Black Friday at MaxFunCon.com. Overheard.

That sound means that it's time for Overheards. A segment in which you can use your ears, your eyes. Graham. Yeah. Here's what's so great about Overheards. I don't think you're selling it hard enough. Oh, okay. Go ahead.

The thing about Overheards is that it really puts us in touch with our central nervous system. Yeah. We realize that we are just this vessel that carries a bunch of nerves. Dave, shush your mouth. Because I want to bring you a quick update in the world of Hulk Hogan News.

Oh! Did you know that it's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan news. It's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. I am a real American. That's right, you are. I have the rights of every man.

Go fight now. Get it on now. Go fight now. Speaking of fight, Hulk Hogan in the fight for his life. Oh, no. Is he on life support? No, he's in... Is he a vegetable?

He's in... Like that guy his son killed? Yeah, the diving bell and the butterfly. He is in court right now over this sex tape. I don't know if you heard about it. I didn't. He has a sex tape. Okay.

I've heard about it. Gawker was the website that released the short chunk. Gawker.com? Oh, okay. Gawker. That's right. Not just a Gawker. Gawker.com released the video, and he's suing them, and he has now applied for a copyright

on the video, sex tape. The video he didn't make. Yeah, exactly. He's applying for a copyright on a video The video he didn't make. Yeah, exactly. He's applying for a copyright on a video he says he didn't know existed. But if he has the copyright on it, then he can legally say they used it without asking him, Gawker. And Gawker said, this is great. They're saying we're covered under the Constitution,

under the, uh under the what is it what amendment i don't know freedom of the press or whatever i don't know which one that is uh one it's one of the first amendment yes all right this is the takeaway quote from uh although hulk hogan is uh uh protected because he has those bare arms. Yeah, he's got 24-inch pythons. That's the Python Amendment. Yeah, he's got the right to bare arms. Yeah. This is from Gawker's attorney saying that, like, we're protected under the First Amendment. The quote is,

we'll concede that this isn't Mr. Smith goes to Washington or Citizen Kane, but tabloid journalism in America is protected under the newsworthy standard every day so nice i wonder who was the first lawyer to represent a blog and if they were like oh i'm so embarrassed yeah they need the money time to go back to medical school what does a lawyer do when they want to give up lawyering oh they're gonna like but like i bet they were like are you going to be able to pay for this?

Yeah. I'm a lawyer. I have a real job. Like, I'm charging you right now. Yeah. You know? You're a blogger. You made up a job name.

I'm here on behalf of jibjab.com. You guys have money, right? Yeah. Oh, of course. You get these really funny checks. Oh, God. I hate jibJab.com. You guys have money, right? Oh, of course. You get these really funny checks. Oh, God, I hate JibJab. They really phoned it in this election. Oh, they write me every time there's another holiday.

Like, Dave, you're going to want to put your face in the Columbus Day Dance Marathon. That election was crazy, though, wasn't it? That's crazy. It was pretty crazy. They got some legalized pot down there crazy, though, wasn't it? That's crazy. It was pretty crazy. They got some legalized pot down there now, right? Yeah. Colorado? Washington State?

Yeah. Gay marriages? Gay marriage in Maryland, maybe? Washington, for sure. I think maybe one other one, too. Yeah. Which is great. Good for you, America.

Here we go. Yeah. Some good vibes. Here we go. Yeah. Good stuff. Let's get high and gay-marry each other I'll gay-marry both of you

I'll gay-marry my bong And that brings us Is it a bong or a bonk? Oh, it's a bong Both are acceptable I've been calling it a bonk No, you haven't No way

Dude, pass the bonk Someone spilled the bonk water Um, uh, bonk. Someone spilled the bonk water. Bonk. Bonk's Adventure. Is that what that was called? Now, this is where we move on to the overheards for real this time. For real?

And we would like to start. We always like to start with the guest. Brian Beal is not ready. I didn't think about it. Okay, so we like to start with Dave. Yep. Brian thought that was off mic. It wasn't. I didn't bring one. I'll think about it. Okay, so we like to start with Dave. Yep. Ryan thought that was off mic. It wasn't. I didn't bring one.

I'll think about it while you guys go. Mine is actually, this is one from our trip to the United States. Oh, cool. Oh, lo those many weeks ago. Fun times. It was when we were going through security, and the woman in front of me in security, going through security and uh the woman in front of me in security oh everyone in in in my line at security was just getting checked was like people would go through their bags they had to open up everything it was moving very slowly and the woman right ahead of me um they were going through a bag

and uh they found something in there that she couldn't take onto the plane. And so they're like, ma'am, you're going to have to go back and check your bag and then come back through here. And she's like, so I have to do this all again? Like, I have to wait in line again and then go through security again? Like, everything else about me is fine, but I still have to go through it? And the guy's like, yeah, but don't worry about it. It's just a crowd. Like she was afraid of crowds

and not of missing her play. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, this is him playing an armchair psychologist. You've got to get over your fear of crowds, lady. Don't worry about it.

It's just people. It's just people. It's just people. It's just a long lineup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We both went through, in one of those lineups, we both went through the scan-o-matic. Where they don't give you the option of not having your wiener scanned. Yeah, they have a little sign that says that they will, but apparently they make a really big production. Yeah. Of you saying. Of covering your wiener scanned. Yeah, they have a little sign that says that they will, but apparently they make a really big production.

Yeah. Of covering your wiener? No, if you want the pat down. Oh, instead of the weird... I've had that thing. Oh yeah, I've never had that. That was the first time. Where it spins around you? Yeah. Newark Liberty Airport. Quite frankly, I can't wait for them to see my wiener. I like my wiener.

You draw a little smiley face down there? Take a gander. Yeah. It'll last longer. Take a gander, it'll last longer. Anyway, sorry, Graham. No, not at all. My overseen, this is something

I've never done before in the course of getting an overheard overseen, but it was so epic that I took pictures and video of this thing in progress last night on the train ride home. There was these three guys, and I've been trying to figure out how to describe them, but they're like, they were like three guys who were pretty sure they were the coolest guys. Oh, yeah. But they were the, they were like three kind of like David Brent ish type characters. Do you know what I mean?

But like young from the British office. Yes. Yes. And, um, one of the guys, like they were very drunk and one of the guys had stolen like a brass pole from somewhere. How long of a pole?

Say, uh, three feet long. Okay. And could not, would not stop pretending it was a penis. Yeah. Like, and his friends laughed at it every time. Yeah, it's not his fault. He couldn't stop. He was giving the people what they wanted.

But then there were periods of time where he wasn't even talking to his friends, and he was still holding it and stroking it like a penis. And so I took several photos of him doing this, almost seemingly like subconsciously he was just doing it. And then they got on the train, and they were like putting on a full show. So this was while they were waiting for the train. This is while they were waiting for the train. Then we got on the train, and they were putting on a show show. So this was while they were waiting for the train. This was while they were waiting for the train. Then we got on the train, and they were putting on a show for everybody with this brass pipe.

Wow. When the train stopped at one station, the guy, he's like, oh, bring it up. And then he pretended to lick it. He was like, ah. For some lady on the platform, and he was like, see, she laughed. We got a laugh out of her. He pretended it was a wiener again? Yeah, but then his friend laugh out of her he pretended it was a wiener again yeah but then his friend

pretended that he was licking it as a wiener oh nice yeah that's improv that's pure improv I filmed that I have that whole

interaction on did you do it straight up or were you pretending like you were texting I was pretending like I was texting but they were on to me

almost instantly and I still did not stop because they were like this me almost instantly, and I still did not stop. Because they were like, this is going viral. Viral, buddy. Absolutely. The most viewed video on YouTube. Three cool dudes licking each other's copper wieners. On the train.

Yeah, exactly. The three coolest dudes is what I would call this video. I sometimes do that on the train where it's like I try to pretend I'm texting, but it's so hard to just that angle. It's like a fraction of an inch. Yeah, I had it in front of my face,

but it was clear what I was doing. I try to take pictures of my dogs a lot, and they can tell when. Because they're camera shy for whatever reason oh yeah as soon as you find it like using it like a normal like you know like texting they're fine and then as soon as i sort of angle it up they're like you know they won't stand still for the cute little pics um the one thing on the bus that i can do uh is one one time

i took this great picture um where i was uh i was standing and a guy was sitting, and I had the best view of his comb over. Oh, yeah. And I was standing right over top of him, and it looked like a croissant made of hair. Gross. That sounds like a prank. That sounds like a jackass prank. Like, hair croissant. I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is hair croissant.

Except in jackass, they would eat it. Yeah, exactly. They'd make their friends eat it. And it would be filled with poop. Now, Ryan Beal. Yeah, yeah. Do you by any chance have an overheard? I thought of one, and I don't know.

Okay, so you might have to edit it out. Workshop. Let's see what I... But all I can... You know when you're trying to think Workshop. Let's do it. But all I can think... You know when you're trying to think of things, and then for whatever reason, you can only... Let's pause for editing. Okay, yeah. If you heard something there, that means it was edited out.

Okay, here we go. But I was in the... It's another airport one. Your airport one made me think of an airport one. And I don't know when it was. It was a while back. It was in Calgary, the Calgary airport. And there was a... YYC. It was a while back. It was in Calgary, the Calgary airport. And there was a gentleman sitting next to me in tight white jeans.

And he had some kind of sort of, you know, bespeckled, bespangled, elaborate tough guy shirt. Oh, yeah. You know, he was a tough guy. Ed Hardy. Tough Calgary guy. Jo Oh, yeah. You know, he was a tough guy. Ed Hardy. Tough Calgary guy. Jovial, amiable. He used to sort of say things to me every now and then. But he kept getting called back up to the desk.

They kept, with Mr. So-and-so, so-and-so, working out his ticket a few times. And he was getting frustrated. And I don't know what compelled him to say this. I don't know what compelled him to say this. I don't know what compelled him to say this to me. But he got called up to the desk again. And he turned to me and aggressively said, she better be French. Referring to the woman who called her up.

And I don't know what he meant by it. I guess she better be French in the sense that she doesn't understand. Or she better be French because I'm only nice to french people like that's what i was like i'm attracted to french you know like you know my my my uh my horoscope lady said i'd meet a french woman in the airport i mean i don't know what he meant french she clearly wasn't like she was she was maybe she was i don't know but she had a good handle on the english language if she was, she was, maybe she was, I don't know, but she had a good handle on the English language if she was. Right. Was there a time when we were more attracted to the French? As a species?

Yeah, like, like, like in the 80s, it was like, oh, and she's French. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. This was in an 80s movie. Yeah. It's also. Called Airport Ryan. Maybe if it was a maid.

This maid better be French. She better be French. She better be French. Wasn't the 60s seemed like it was a big time for the French? The French have always had it good as far as being sexy, but also they've had a few knocks on them too, right? Yeah, right. You know? Jerry Lewis. That's an open easy for the French.

I seem to remember a little cartoon called Asterix in which the French were not treated really well. Yeah, he had a lot of gall. Thank you, Dave. But on the fly, but it was odd. Yeah, that was good. I drove you to the airport once in Seattle. Oh, yeah. And you were going to Chicago for the Improv Festival.

Oh, yeah. And then you were going to Chicago for the Improv Festival. Oh, yeah. And you told me a story about the previous time you had gone to Chicago, you took the most depressing bus ride ever from Seattle to Chicago and back. And like, I don't know. And buses in Canada are one thing, but like taking a Greyhound in the States is like crazy. Like, because most, there's like a certain number of convicts every day that are released with 50 bucks and like a Greyhound ticket to where they need to go. Oh, yeah, that's true. So they're just, statistically, they're just a lot of rough dudes that you sort of pick up along the way. Wow. And it was crazy, right?

Like, the two best overheards I had on the bus were, we were riding somewhere, and we all sort of started talking to each other, and someone told, we were all telling jokes, someone told a Michael Jackson joke, may he rest in peace. Yeah. And they were all kind of laughing, and it was an off-color, child-themed Michael Jackson show. Sure. And they all laughed. It was about his tough childhood.

Party laughing. It was about his dad, Joe Jackson. But they all laughed. And then someone said, you know, they just offered up to the group, you know, they killed child molesters in prison. And then a guy seated next, behind us, who had, like, a significant amount of neck tattooing, silenced the whole bus by saying, yes, they do. So he's got some experience.

And then after we left Milwaukee at midnight, we were all on the bus. This was a circuitous route. Yeah, we were leaving Milwaukee. It was pitch black, and there was a crazy man with a plastic bag on the back on the bus This was a circuitous route We were leaving Milwaukee It was pitch black and there was a crazy man With a plastic bag on the back of the bus Who repeated this for the entire Like until I fell asleep I don't know how I fell asleep

With this man saying this over and over again AK-47 Y2K AK-47 Y2K AK-47, Y2K, AK-47, Y2K, AK-47, Y2K. And that was his little mantra. Yeah, his gun stopped working because the numbers rolled over. It was a computerized, Windows-based AK-47.

And as we all know, AK-47 never happened. Never came to fruition. I do not believe that AK-47, or at least if it did happen, it was the government. Oh, sure. Did you have a story on that bus trip of just, you stopped at a McDonald's at one point, and someone was so excited? Yeah. Yeah.

No, oh, no. This was the bus driver, which was, Greyhound in the States, I don't know if it's still the truth, but they had some kind of deal where all our meal breaks, essentially, were at a McDonald's. Or maybe that's just where the bus stopped. But we had this one awesome bus driver who came up over the intercom and he went, We've been now taking our dinner break at the so-and-so, so-and-so McDonald's. And he came back on, Whoop-de-damn, dude. Whoop-de-damn-do.

Whoop-de-damn-do. What we were all thinking. Yeah. But there was someone behind me who went, McDonald, McDonald. She like, she perked up. We're like, McDonald, McDonald. Couldn't wait.

I've been sitting with neck tattoo all night. I'm going to stretch my legs. Yeah, you couldn't wait for McDonald's. But the bus driver,'ve been sitting with neck tattoos all night. I'm going to stretch my legs. Yeah, you couldn't wait for McDonald's, but the bus driver whooped your damn. Yeah. Just like, take suck on that, passengers. I like a Greyhound bus driver. See, we got some overheards out of you. Oh, man.

Yeah, you take what you want. Could you top it up? Could you imagine if none of that made it in? I offered you seven Seven various overheards Okay, good Good stuff, man Everyone should take a Greyhound

Across the United States Or Canada Take a long bus trip It'll teach you a lot Maybe too much We also have overheards Sent to us from around the globe It'll teach you a lot. Yeah. It'll teach you a lot. Maybe too much. Yeah, exactly. We also have overheards who have been sent to us from around the globe. See, you guys have fans.

Oh, you bet. You guys have fans. If you want to send in overheards to us, you can send them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. This first one comes from Vivek M. Viveka A. Fox. Viveka A. Fox, right? Yeah. This is Vivek M. in Surrey. Fox. Vivica A. Fox, right? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. This is Vivek M. in Surrey, BC.

So right next door. He writes... I think Vivek is Vivek... A guy's name? V-I-V-E-K? Yes. I don't know. I do not know.

Sort of player's choice. Okay. What do you think it is, Graham? I think it's a guy, but that's just because of the style of the writing. Okay, sure. Not sure if this is funny anymore. The more I think about it, the less funny it seems. But it is.

I assure you it is funny. This is an overseen. The strip club down the street from my apartment, which I pass going to work every day, has a marquee above it with times of shows and such. And as I went by last week, the caption at the bottom reads, now with sexier ladies. Good. Yeah. We're really working on upgrades here. week the caption at the bottom reads now with sexier ladies wasn't the one and there's one in Seattle called the lusty lady oh yeah and there that sounds like for old people yeah oh well I mean it's from a different era yeah and I think they're on the thing it we used say, like, 99 beautiful women and three ugly ones.

Yes, that was awesome. I love that sign. When I saw it, it might have been like, and one ugly one. Oh, they killed a couple of them? No. A recession. Yeah, the recession hit. They had to move on, go back to...

The recession hit ugly people especially hard. Oh, didn't it, Joe? Ugly strippers? Yeah. No way. This next one comes from Michael L. From Parts Unknown. A new job position opened up, and Human Resources sent a job description to everyone's email.

Needless to say, it was endlessly descriptive. Work condition. This position is subject to the following work environments. While performing the duties of this job, the employee is regularly required to see, talk, and hear. The employee is frequently required to stand, walk, sit, use hands, to handle or feel, reach with hands and arms, stoop, kneel, crouch, or crawl. Clearly they've been inundated with like Just this one guy that is not getting the hint.

Will not crawl. I can do it, I swear I can do it. Like an R. Crumb character. Tony, stop applying. I mean most of the requirements. Except that crouching one. Well, that's the thing when you apply to a job. Those are the ideal requirements, but you can still apply if you don't meet them all.

Like if it's like, must be a medical doctor. You can be like, well, I've got everything else. Yeah. I can stand. Yeah, I can stand, sit, kneel, crouch, crawl. I don't have my CPR. It's weird when you work at a place and they send out, like, the job openings to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it also means that if it's sent to everybody's email, probably the person who is their job is being filled has not left yet yeah they're reading down the things and they're like oh it was the crawling i can't crawl too proud i got too proud too proud um now this is uh this is a sweet story all around. This is from Jennifer B. This is a lady who's a single mother with an eight-year-old daughter. I've been with my- Yeah, right? Trying to make it in this, Connor? Yeah.

I hope she has a wise painter. Yeah. Yeah, who just keeps repainting and repainting. Offers sage wisdom. Yeah. He's dead. Elvin? Eldon. Eldon. He's dead? Yeah. Excuse me. Thatainting. Offer sage wisdom. Yeah. He's dead. Elvin? Eldon.

Eldon. He's dead? Yeah. Excuse me. That's okay. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry for everybody's loss.

The character. Yeah. Yeah. The actor's still there. The character died. Yeah. There's still a continuity of Murphy Brown that exists beyond the end of the show. The writers are still going.

There's a lot of fanfic. Yeah. It's like how in the Star Wars universe, Chewbacca's dead. Yeah. He died in one of the show. The writers are still going. There's a lot of fanfic. Yeah, it's like how in the Star Wars universe, Chewbacca's dead. He died in one of the novels. Really? Yeah. So in one of the Murphy Brown mysteries.

Was it a heart attack? Did he die of a heart attack just suddenly? He died of a broken heart. So this is a single mother with an eight-year-old daughter. There's a Halloween Star Wars episode where Han Solo comes back to Chewbacca's house to return his letterman jacket and Chewbacca's parents go,

he's been dead for a year. Chewbacca? Why we haven't heard that name. Sorry, go on, Grant. I'm Lobaca. Actual character. Really? Lobaka? Yeah, from Kashyyyk.

Oh. From the store? Kashyyyk. All right. Single mother of an eight-year-old Chewbacca. I've been with my boyfriend now for a few months. And in that time, we've spent a lot of time family style. Where the daughter is, you know know they're out on family style dates right uh the other night i had a chicken what's that yeah bucket of chicken absolutely a video

a blockbuster night sure uh i had a date with him um daughter was very upset that she could not come on the date to which i replied in a few years when you want to go on dates we'll talk about why we can't go on each other's dates um the next day when i picked her up from my parents house she said did you have fun on your date yes i said did he kiss you she said in that cute sing-songy way of course i said did you get to the second level my daughter asked i braced myself horrified of what would be asked of me next. What is that, I asked. You know, did you guys get married? Kids.

Oh, that's rad. You know. Yeah. That's rad. Don't play coy. Yeah. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah.

If second base was marriage, you know. Yeah, exactly. Home run. Yeah. If second base was marriage, you know. Yeah, exactly. Home run. Death. Murder, suicide. Yeah, not even second base. The second level. Like, it's a video game.

Yeah, exactly. That's all these kids understand. Yeah. Video game analogies. Video games. Mortal Kombat. Yeah. Crazy for this Mortal Kombat.

Did you finish him? Did he get over here? Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is

206-339-8328. Correctamundo. See, this is so much different than the podcast My Sunday Service puts out, the beautiful podcast. Yes. We always ask people to phone and stuff, but we have no fans, so no one does. That's not true. You got two fans right here?

Yeah. Nice. Hey, Dan and Graham, it's Patrick Foy. I'm at a restaurant, but I'm outside because I overheard something. I thought you might want to hear it. There was a woman who was talking about the election that happened last night, and her husband was really excited about Obama winning, and he asked her if she wanted to do it Obama style, and then the woman laughed.

That's what you do with hope. Yeah. Yeah. You bring over a lady named Hope. But not Faith. Yeah. She's the boring one, right? Of that duo, Hope and Faith?

Hope and Faith. Faith was Faith Ford, also from Murphy Brown. Yeah. And Hope was Kelly Ripa. Yeah, that's right. Faith is the boring one. Yeah, sure. I never saw an episode.

I've seen one. Yeah, because Hope was what? She was a hard-drinking, loud-swearing... Loud-swearing, monster-truck-driving... Ex-astronaut. How come there... Is there any show like that right now where two... I guess two and a half men.

Where there's two opposite dudes that have to live together? That's every show. There's a few. There's a few. Was Paul Reiser on a show? Was that My Two Dads? My Two Dads. few Was Paul Reiser on a show Was that My Two Dads? That was Paul Reiser I had a weird whole thing last night

Where I couldn't stop thinking about Paul Reiser's career He was an alien, right? Oh yeah That's weird You're talking about Mad About You Yeah, yeah He was an alien That last episode He wrote the're talking about Mad About You. Yeah, yeah. He was an alien. Mad About You.

He played an alien on Mad About You. That last episode. He wrote the theme song for Mad About You. Can you sing it? Can you sing it? Tell me why I love you like I do. Tell me who could remember how much you do. Tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you most of mine.

They say nobody's perfect, but it's really true this time. Take each other's hand and we jump into the final frontier. I'm mad about you, baby. He was on Jimmy Pardo's podcast, Never Not Funny, a few weeks ago. Really? Where we learned that he wrote that song. And he also had a show like just recently,

like a late in life where he plays like an old guy. If you ever get your own TV show, you should write the theme song because you get

so much money for that. I remember Alan Thicke. He wrote Growing Pains? Growing Pains. No. But he also wrote

Facts of Life and Different Strokes. Different Strokes. That was the other one, yeah. Really? Yeah. Alan Thicke. He's a multi-layered, multi-talented dude.

Growing Pains is probably number one theme song for me, I would have to say. Yeah. Show Me That Smile Again. Show me that smile again. Also, Boner, my favorite supporting character. May he rest in peace. Is he? Oh, excuse me.

That's true. I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's all right. You're really hitting all. Oh, excuse me. That's true. I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's all right. You're really hitting all the marks. Literally everyone who's dead. I just got to check the, is there a whosdead.com? Yeah, sure. There should be.

Yes. Copyright. Google. All right. Call the internet. Yeah. Call the age of information. Next phone call.

Thank you. Oh, yeah. Hey, David Graham and possible guest. I have an overheard at the library earlier today, and I overheard a couple talking about a movie. The guy says, it's not the best movie, but it's still pretty good. Michael Myers has a lot of really good kills in it. And the woman says, in a very serious tone,

don't say anything more. Get it. He has a lot of good kills in it. Oh, Austin Powers? Yeah. Michael Myers has a lot of good kills. I actually mislabeled that call. I thought it was going to be a different call.

But you know what? Still good. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Still good, yeah. Don't ruin the movie for me. Michael Myers, the mask that he wears in it. You're talking about Halloween. Yeah, but the character Michael Myers,

he's the killer in Halloween, right? Yeah, okay. The mask he wears was a... That white, pale mask. That was a William Shatner mask, painted white. That was the original mask, was a William Shatner from Star Trek mask. Oh.

So lay that on your friends at your next Star Trek party. Your next snooze fest. Yeah, your next holodeck snooze fest. I haven't gone to one this afternoon. Snooze. I haven't ever seen a Halloween movie. I understand they're the scariest. Or at least the first one is.

He's pretty... Mike Myers is pretty scary. Michael. Excuse me. Excuse me. You're thinking, oh, I'm sorry, I made an expert. I love that movie. Jamie Lee Curtis.

That was where she burst onto the scene. That's her thing, yeah. Yeah, she was the scream queen. And she was in the first one. And then I think she came back and reprised her role in the, like, 20th anniversary. No, that's Jason went to space. Excuse me. Jason.

Yes, Jason. Yeah, and he's dead. As well. Hey, he rested. Freddie killed X. Yes, Jason. Yeah, and he's dead as well. Hey, he rested. Freddy killed him. Freddy got him. Who won Freddy versus Jason? They both jump out of the water at the end and attack each other.

And who wins? To be continued. Oh. It's a tie. Yeah, exactly. Because at the end. It's like that donkey riding song. At the end, Freddy technically won, I think.

No, Jason won. And then at the end... Well, the judges gave him the higher score. Yeah, exactly. Nobody scored a knockout. But anyways, at the end, they both attack each other and then it freeze frames. And then they show... Freddie went back to score.

Yeah, yeah. No. Jason went on to be a feminist. Animal house. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. And your final phone call. Hey, Dave Grimm and lovely guests.

This is Sarah from Virginia. I'm calling with an overheart. I'm in New Orleans for a wedding, and we happen to walk past a group of people casually waiting for the bus And as we walked past them A girl said in a rather offhand voice Yeah, I'm gonna get body painted for my birthday

We're gonna get body painted? Body painted Wow That seems like Am I wrong in saying The people who do body painting are all creeps? Oh, the people who paint. Yeah, yeah. The painters.

Yeah, that's why they got into it. It's like, either that, or is this a weird Craigslist ad? The body painting is a thing. It's like... Like, vajazzling? It's almost like, hey, this lady's nude, but we're taking

away all of her skin tone. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're making her into art. Yeah. And they've done it in swimsuit issues. But it was like, no swimsuit was harmed in this. Yeah, exactly. And then they'll do it at parties.

Like, oh, all our servers are body painted. Like the four elements under their uniforms for your pleasure yeah this is still has to be a uh clean catered affair yeah nudity is out of the question yeah ever been body painted uh nope don't you i've been uh did a movie once where i had to have a tan uh-huh so a woman sprayed my naked body with what movie was this the nick cannon one there's a movie i wrote uh it was a movie i wrote had to have a tan called ryan ryan gets sprayed naked and we ran out of money starring ryan i was originally gonna go to mexico and get a tan we ran short of money So I had to get this thing

But it felt great Because they had the spray thing How long did it last for? Did you just wash off in the shower? It washed off in the shower What was the name of that Nick Cannon movie? The Nick Cannon movie Which actually, guys

I recently got a 20 cent Or no, $20, excuse me, residual for The Underclassman. I've seen it. Starring Nick Cannon. Are you, you die at the very beginning? I die at the very beginning. Are you in it anymore?

No. Like in flashbacks or anything? No, what happens is, so this is what you see of me in the movie. There's something going on at the high school and you see me on a scooter taking notes because I'm the Warren Williams. I run the newspaper at the high school. And I'm on the tail of some boys who are stealing cars

from rich kid parties. Oh, wow. And what they wear to steal cars is masks and dark overalls. And I follow them on my scooter, and then they catch me and they kill me, but you don't see me die.

But then Cheech shows Nick Cannon a picture of me. Yeah. Oh, wow. So that's pretty cool. And then you can stop watching the movie. And then it's over. You should use that as your promotional still, where it's just Cheech holding the picture of you.

I should include that in my demo. It opens to a bad picture of me. Cheech is talking to Nick Cannon about this nerd who got killed. That's me. And then just freeze frame it and do like the circle like circle the picture and put an arrow. Yeah, with like sound effects.

My dad was telling me about the guy, he was bra me about the guy, he was bragging about the guy who put in the floor, who refinished the floor in his house. Oh, yeah. He's like, well, he managed to fit me in. He was doing Cheech's house. But I'm pretty sure he meant Chong.

Yeah. Because Chong's from here, right? Chong's from here, yeah. But they were both here, right? They did some shit here back in the day. Out in New West. Yeah, yeah. They performed at... Vancouver back in the days. Out in the Midwest. Vancouver comedic history. You gotta learn it.

Learn your history. So do I, because I was very vague. They did some stuff here at some point. If you don't learn it, you'll be doomed to repeat it. Yeah, exactly. Then you'll do a two-person pod act. Dave's not here. Now that brings us to the end of the show.

We always thank you so much for being a guest. We always thank you. We always. Thank you, guys. This is the best podcast. What about your podcast? Your podcast. Let's start plugging it.

Yeah, let's do some Ryan Beal plugs. Okay, so it's called The Sunday Service Presents a Beautiful Podcast. You can get it on iTunes. It's totally free. It's more of a sketch-based sort of thing. We improvise, and then Emmett Hall, who produces it, makes it good with audio effects and whatnot. It's great. It's a fun time.

It's a fun time. Check it out. Do it. And also, every Sunday night, here in Vancouver at the Cosmic Zoo. Two K's. Cosmic Zoo. Yeah. The properly

spelled Cosmic Zoo. Which is a law firm. Yeah. Cosmic Zoo and Associates. Cosmic Zoo and Sun. I mean, partner. Yeah. And you, tell us when this David Sedaris one-man show is on. David Sedaris at the Arts Club Review Stage, which is on Granville Island.

You can see it starting on November 22nd through December 22nd. And did I say that it was the Sunday service is the thing that's at the Cosmic Zoo? Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought I just said at the Cosmic Zoo, and then we just started making fun of the Cosmic Zoo. It's my favorite thing to do. And what's the name of the play? It's called Santa Land Diaries.

Okay. Very funny. It's a hilarious collection of stories. He's, you know, it's got some filthy language in it, too. I'm going to go see it. I'm excited. I'm going to go see it. It's fun.

Yeah. It'll be good. I don't like plays, and I'm going to go see it. It's not a play. So it'll be fine. Yeah, yeah. It's barely a play. An extended monologue. Yeah, and I had to i wear a funny costume and you call it a night yeah

as long as i don't have to stay up late you get home real early uh dave anything to plug not really okay uh but yeah you're moving upstairs yeah i'm moving upstairs here you know a few days um exciting donate to my mustache if you're so inclined graham i made a very generous donation how do you do that very wealthy uh it's i might wanna well i've never donated to anyone's mustache i might want to start with you you're look you look like you're growing a mustache i do but i i'm not raising any money i'm just uh you're just raising awareness raising awareness of my filthy facial hair you can go to movember.com and search for my name,

or you can go to StopPodcastingYourself.com and look at the recap of this episode, and there'll be a link right at the top. Yeah, and there will be other pictures and videos. At your discretion, I have pictures of this guy playing with his brass penis. Also a video of it. Awesome.

Also, head over to MaximumFun.org. So, um, also, uh, head over to, uh, maximum fun.org. Check out our sister and brother podcast. Oh, so many of them. And, uh,

just treats, treats for your ears, all free, all free content. You can have years worth of, uh, listening stuff. Yeah.

It's infinite. Yeah. It's finite, but it's a lot. Yeah, it is a lot. And also, um,

if you like the show, don't be afraid to go over to iTunes and leave a review of the show, saying that you like it. Four stars. Yeah, give us three, if you feel like that's what we deserve. It's out of five, right? Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Five stars. I didn't know there was a fifth one there.

I didn't know there was a fifth one there. I'm always confused when you watch cooking shows, and they're like, oh, his restaurant received a Michelin star. Well, that's one. That's one. That's one out of the possible galaxy of stars. But they're all braggy about this one-star restaurant. What does the Michelin man know about food? He's pretty fast.

He's made of tires. Anything he eats just falls out of his feet. He eats air. Plop. And if you want to get in touch with us, it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. And thanks again, Ryan. Follow me on Twitter at Ryan Beal. There you go. That's what you should do.

B-E-I-L. Be ill. Not like Jessica. Yeah., Ryan. Follow me on Twitter at Ryan Beal. There you go. That's what you should do. B-E-I-L. Be ill, not like Jessica. Yeah. Like Ryan. And come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.