Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 250 - Rory Scovel

Episode Date: January 1, 2013

Comedian Rory Scovel returns to talk about the invention of basketball, winter Slurpees, and Graham's embarrassing moment.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 250 of Stop Podcasting Yourself and a Happy New Year to all you and yours and them and theirs. Old Lang Synes. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a guy I like to call Baby New Year, Mr. Dave Shumka.

I'm a baby. Oh, 2014. That Shumka. I'm a baby. Oh, 2014. That's 2013. Stupid baby. Yeah, come on. Learn to talk properly. It's your year, man. Oh, that must be very confusing for babies and David Beckham.

Like when you say 13 with an F. 14. Because that's how he talks. And a lot of British people do. Yeah. But why David Beckham in particular? He's just got a baby voice. Yeah.

But then you end up sounding like you're saying 14. How old are you? I'm 14. It is a problem. Yeah. Oh, and 30 and 40. You're like 10 off. Yeah.

It's Britain's hidden chain. Yeah. That's why their economy's in the dumpster. Or the bin, as they say. And our guest today, returning guest, very funny comedian, in town working at the Comedy Mix. And just such a funny, great guy, Mr. Rory Scoville. Hey, guys. Hey, thank you.

Hey, man. Thanks. Thanks for that intro. That felt good. I appreciate that. Hey, thank you. Hey, man. Thanks. Thanks for that intro. That felt good. I appreciate that. Yeah, I meant it. I love that you went right for David Beckham, like you have a thing against him. I think he's got the most ridiculous of the British voices.

Thirteen. Fourteen. Why, I'm fourteen years old. Sorry, you said fourteen? No, I'm thirteen. Fifteen? Fourteen. No, I'm 13.

15? 14! That's how David Beckham turned out so tough. Because he had to put out people's shit all the time. Yeah, that's all he's got. He had to be great looking. That voice. The voice was like, that was the bad part. Like, all right, we'll make you really attractive and good at soccer.

But what about Mike Tyson? Because he wasn't good looking and he had a crazy voice. He was just like really good at boxing. I never considered whether Mike Tyson was good looking or not. I think we've all thought about it. Young Mike Tyson was a handsome guy, wasn't he? I don't know. I don't think so.

He had like a head that kind of looks like one of those Easter Island heads. Oh, he does. Do you not find them attractive? Though on my list with my wife, we have one exception. One celebrity exception. Easter Island heads. Those are your one exception.

If you ever meet one, late at night at a bar, you're allowed to sleep with them. That's my pass. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. So, Rory, what's happening? What's new?

Tell us about your life and what's going on. It started as a child. A child of 14. Not too much. I moved to, since last time I've been on the podcast, I moved to Los Angeles. So I've been there for about two years. Yeah. Which I really enjoy. New York is a

fantastic city, but something about the West Coast. I'm a West Coast guy, as are you guys, obviously. But do you feel like you were like, you were a West Coast person that had never lived on the West Coast, and then when you went there, you're like, ah. I feel like I'm an old soul, like a past life. I was a surfer.

I was in an acapella group that sang on the boardwalk down in Venice Beach. The sad thing is that's what I honestly think maybe I was. Because I grew up on the East Coast. I live in South Carolina, D.C., then New York. And then when I started visiting L.A. and coming out here, I was like, ah, the vibe is just so much better. People are more relaxed. I mean, even when I started, like, my first Met You, like, in Seattle and coming up to Vancouver. Yeah, yeah.

I was like, ah, there's just something so different about the vibe on the West Coast and how people are. I think Canada's probably the same way. Because even when you're in, like, the East Coast of, like, Toronto, Montreal, there's more of this, like, go like go go go get everything gets done today but you're in vancouver you're like yeah we'll do it tomorrow it's not the biggest deal the day is already over yeah you're like ah you might as well just chill out yeah you know once they check out at five o'clock we're done yeah i remember i was at a comedy festival either in toronto or in halifax and i offered somebody blueberries like upon meeting them i had blueberries with me it was like oh would you like a blueberry and right away they

were like oh you are from the west let me guess you have a bucket of honey too that i get to have a sip of get out of here hippie vancouver um so you live in LA And I read recently that you're Like you have a thing in development With ABC television Yeah, me and A writer, Scott Marder Who's the executive producer and writer on

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia He was trying to branch out Kind of do an idea Kind of write a script on his own. And so my agency paired us up together because he wanted to work with a comic that he kind of foresaw fitting into this. So he and I kind of worked on this idea, and then we went and pitched it to all these networks, and ABC really loved it. So they've purchased the idea, and now he's just been – it's pretty surreal. I've never been in like this position so

i'm still it's one of those things where once you sell the idea then you realize oh there's like four more hurdles right you're happy to get over the first hurdle but you're like all right fingers crossed let's hope this keeps moving so scott is currently writing the script he's been approved now and then once he finishes it we hope they think it's funny enough to want to shoot it so that's like the second and then for me it's hoping that they still want me to be the guy in it. Like they can still be like, all right, Rory just doesn't fit. Yeah, we're going to go with a Rory type. Yeah, we're going to go Rory-ish.

We need someone who does the T-H and F type. Yeah. That's going to be the catchphrase for this character. The worst thing. We went with Beckham, actually. He's going to be the catchphrase for this character. The worst thing. We went with Beckham, actually. He's 47. So are you going to play a version of yourself, or is it a kooky character? It's more, well, the whole idea kind of stems from his, Scott's real parents.

So that's where the idea generated from. So it's actually more that i'd kind of be playing him in a way i won't be really playing uh it's nothing based on like my experience as a comic i won't be like a comic right in it or anything so yeah it's it won't be so close to me really it'll be more like uh sort of playing him this guy going back home to live with his parents. That's crazy, because that's ABC, that's Disney, right? Yeah. That means if it all goes well, you might be able to see the basketball court that's in the top of the Matterhorn in Disneyland.

Is that true? Yeah. There's a basketball court up there? Yeah. Nice. You've just added a fifth hurdle. You've just added a fifth hurdle I thought you meant he'd be able to Be a celebrity guest on

America's Funniest Home Videos That's true I'll take that I'm just sitting here trying to figure out what a Matterhorn is I'm that far gone Do you know the Matterhorn? It's a ride At Disney Place

We're not allowed to say Disneyland I don't know if it's world or land Do you know the Matterhorn? No. It's a ride. It's a ride. At Disney Place. Yeah, we're not allowed to say Disneyland. I don't know if it's world or land. We're not signed off on it. Disney area. It's land that they have a problem with. It's a Disney compound. The Matterhorn is a ride that you kind of go around the outside of this mountain.

Okay. is a ride that you kind of go around the outside of this mountain. In the early days of... I don't know if they still do it, but they used to have climbers in lederhosen climbing this mountain all the time. Oh, while people were just on this roller coaster? Yeah, real climbers would climb. Not just the Price is Right yodeling.

Clearly a bit. That would be amazing. That would be way better. Well, isn't that all Disneyland? Like, isn't the small, it's a small world ride.

Got that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's true. Yeah. I think it maybe was like when it first, uh, it's a small place.

Oh, sorry. It's a small planet. Yeah. Get it right. Yeah. So, uh So they designed... Because the top of the Matterhorn was just empty space.

And so they asked Walt Disney what did he want in there. And he said put a basketball court in there for the hiker guys for when it's bad weather they would have something to do. Oh. So there's a real deal. Man. Weird. So,

but I figure like you have to be in the Disney family at some level. I love that Walt Disney's like, so even if the weather's bad, they can still have to do physical something. Yeah. Like we're not going to let them come down. You sure you don't want us to put like a movie screen in the lounge with a pool table? Yeah.

A coffee maker? No. A lacrosse field. Put a lacrosse field in there. No breaks. Also, they're not allowed to just, if it's bad weather, just go home? As soon as you said that, I was like, so they're prisoners. These people have to...

But it's Disneyland. How many days a year is there bad weather? One. That's true, right? But wind, maybe. Sure. Especially up there. And also, I mean, how many intense rock climbers are also big basketball aficionados?

Like, oh, I'm going to go shoot some hoops once I get to the top. I don't know. There's a little prize when we get up there. Well, it was like the 50s, though, wasn't it? So it would have been like all... It would have been when white people dominated. Yeah, yeah. So they can wear the same Converse shoes

to climb the mountain that they can to shoot underhand basketball. Chuck Taylor's. Yeah, yeah. Just climbing the mountain. Chuck Taylor's small shorts. Yeah. A wrestling singlet.

We were talking the other day about... In Canada, there was this, uh, for like years and years, there were these ads that were paid for by the government. They were called like a part of our history, our heritage.

Oh, part of our heritage. Yeah. And they would be like, uh, uh, just snippets of like great things Canadians have done or whatever. And one of them is the invention of basketball.

Yeah. And it all centered around, uh, these peach, yeah around These fucking peach baskets It shows these kids playing basketball And they throw it into the peach basket And then the janitor has to come out with a ladder He's not even the janitor

He's like a peach farmer Oh yeah, these are his peach baskets So he has to climb up and get them all He's gotta put them all alone And also he has to climb he's gonna put him on loan and also be in a way he's the basketball janitor he's gonna like i'll get the ball out yeah so he has to go up and get them and and uh he's like this this would go a lot faster if i didn't have to get this ball every time and uh james naysmith the inventor of basketball says well why don't we just cut the hole out of the bottom and he says but i need these baskets back so this like turning point in history is about this guy

and his dumb peach basket and you know do you remember the solution they came up with they drilled a small hole so they're smaller than a peach and then they used a broom and popped the ball oh underneath okay That was the origin. But I love that it's just like, everything centered on this guy who wouldn't give up two dumb peach baskets. Yeah. But I also love that it didn't happen.

I also love they're like, it's gotta be a peach basket. We couldn't possibly get something else and let this poor guy go home. He climbed a mountain to get up here to help us. possibly get something else and let this poor guy go home. Meanwhile, he climbed a mountain to get up here to help us. He might as well stay.

He's got an orchard of rotting peaches that we won't let him go back to. Just strewn about the court. He had to dump peaches. You, empty those baskets. Get over here. Nail it up there. All the players are slag sliding around on peaches. Throw the peaches in the garbage

can. Why don't we use the garbage can as the basket? No, no, no. We need that for garbage. Even the dude who's picking up the peaches shooting them into the garbage. No bulb is going off for anybody.

Oh, man. I was with Casey Corbin back in October driving from Montreal to Ottawa and then Ottawa to Toronto. And we passed James Naismith's home. Oh, really? Where he grew up, yeah. Because Casey did that thing where when you're passing or like when like a landmark's coming up and casey's like do you know who invented basketball and i knew as soon as like when when a canadian asks you a question like that it goes you're like a canadian did because you're

not gonna ask me if an american invented it do you you know invented basketball? He wanted me to go, yeah, James Mason probably grew up in Minneapolis. No, no, no. No, he didn't. He's Canadian. And that's his house over there. He invented it in America, though. Yeah, that's right. Well, they don't have peaches up here. You guys use your peach

baskets. You won't even... I don't want to even get into the invention of hockey. It almost didn't happen it was it's the same peach farmer yeah guys you're just turning the basket sideways now i have farming to do i have to feed my family it was his curse it's the story of him like how his beach business went bankrupt because all these athletes... Hey, can we use your orchard? They took the baskets down and turned them sideways and the guy with the broom started cleaning up the beaches, shooting them into the baskets. Someone else was like, I think we've got another sport here.

You, janitor, stay around longer. If you just gave me $5, I could buy new peach baskets. No, you'll watch us. It's like he made a deal with the devil. He's like, I want to be at the beginning of a billion dollar industry. Well,

basketball's gonna be a billion dollar industry, but you're gonna die from it. Your family's gonna be a billion dollar industry but you're gonna die from it your family's gonna starve my family only eats peaches um so uh well that's amazing you're working on a thing and then what else is going on like you just you're up here in canada just for the weekend and then are you touring around? Just for the weekend. I was in October and November. I was doing a little bit of a tour. And then December I just had

this one date here at the Comedy Mix which I'm so happy about because I haven't been back here since it was Yuck Yucks. Right. The only other time which was I guess like probably two plus years ago maybe. Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah, so to get back and like to see that it's really, I mean audience wise I feel like it's the same club. Yeah. I mean that's usually the case but it's awesome to get back and to see that it's really... I mean, audience-wise, I feel like it's the same club.

I mean, that's usually the case. But it's awesome to get to play it again and see Charlie and Phil and you guys. Yeah. Vancouver, it's so... I really do love this city. I was making fun of so many cities on stage, wondering, like across Canada, wondering, like, is it the kind of place where you can shit on other cities? And they're like, our city's the best.

And I never know when you're, because especially in Canada, I feel like so many people, like in LA, most people aren't from LA. So if I'm in LA doing a joke about another place, a lot of people might be like, actually, we are from there. So like last night, I was like shitting on Montreal, and I was like just waiting for someone to be like, actually, 17 of us here are from Montreal. Well, that's probably the case. The thing about Vancouver, people – well, I'm from Vancouver and people always say that's – oh, that's so strange.

I never meet anyone who's actually from here. Yeah, that's true. But I think people also moved from their place because they hated it. Yeah. Yeah. So then when you do shit on it, they're totally okay with it. Yeah, I was wondering that last night when I started. I was like, right, because you guys are a cool city.

I'll just pander to how cool your city is, right? Buy a CD afterwards. Yeah, like what were you saying about Montreal? I was talking about the speaking French. Because just when I was there the last time, it was really just one incident. I know they all speak French, and I actually just when I was there this last time, it was, it was really just one incident. Like I know they all speak French and I actually really like that when you go to Montreal,

you feel like, you don't feel like you've gone to Canada. You feel like you are in Europe. The architecture, everyone's speaking French. Everybody dresses really well. Yeah.

They're much better than anywhere else. Nobody really bathes. There's, there's something so great about it that I really love. and just one time we uh my manager and i got into a cab to go to a restaurant and the guy was really he was just really rude to us and i was like is he rude because like we're not speaking french like i don't know how to speak french and i get to he like was persistent about the french like

we were like oh we don't speak french and like he would say filming in french and then we're like we don't know anything and like say it again it again. I was like, this is so outrageous. Like, I know not everyone's like this. This guy is clearly far into the spectrum. But he's just so rude that I just started making fun of like, you know, can you be so upset that I don't speak French when literally your whole country is like agreeing with me? Like, hey, shut the fuck up about the French. fuck up about the french manja's like no we're our own country i feel like it's similar to in the united states when the south like obama gets re-elected and the south is like we're gonna secede i feel like and the rest of the country's like we're fine with that if you want to go for it you can go i feel like that's how canada is like manja you can you want to be friends you guys can be friends like we're dying but go go ahead i'd miss them. I'd miss their curds. My Canada includes. My Canada includes curds.

Every time I've been in Montreal, if I go to a store or whatever, I'll always just do that little segment in French and then I feel like that always acts as a springboard to somebody asking me a question in French that I don't understand.

You know what I mean? Well, that did happen to the customs when I came in because the guy was like, bonjour, right, when I walked out. And you're like, bonjour. And I was trying, yeah, because you don't speak French. There's no reason to speak French in, is that an alien? Yeah. There's no reason to speak French in the state. Do you guys have aliens?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get out of town. The Northern Lights. And the guy was like, bonjour. And I was like, bonjour. and he was like, oh, bonjour, and I was like, no. Just doing bonjour because you did it. If you would have said hello, I would have said hello. I want to back out of this right now. I wish I could start over.

Please let me in. Please let me in. I was doing that on stage last night. I'd be like, no, I just know the one language. Dumb. I do feel kind of dumb for only knowing

one language. I know. Because almost everybody, well, not everybody, but a big portion of Vancouver people who would

speak like English and Cantonese or English and, you know, Punjab and it's like, I don't know, you speak English and French. It's a very multicultural. It's like, I don't know. You speak English and French. It's a very multicultural city.

But no one's expecting you to learn Mandarin. But don't you feel kind of like as everybody's like, China's going to be the next biggest thing. And you're like, do I want to be the one guy who 30 years from now is like, I never bothered. I don't think I can learn it. thing and you're like do i want to be the one guy who like 30 years from now is like i never never bothered yeah i don't think i can learn it like i took i took eight years of spanish and i've retained nothing like i couldn't you're just start speaking fluent spanish right now i'd be like i caught some stuff but i do not know what he said something yeah about a burrito. I'm pretty sure he said hello at the beginning.

He said he was muy muy something. But he's bleeding, so I'm guessing it's bleeding. Yeah. Guessing that other word was losing blood. I'm going to take a stab. Bleeding. I think it's bleeding.

But like, have you ever, because there's like Rosetta Stone or whatever. There's all these like things you can buy. I feel like once a year at least I get like the urge to learn a language. And then I stop because I'm like, ooh, what language? Like, ooh, there's a lot of languages out there. Yeah.

And I have no- Well, if you had to pick right now, what would you pick? Five, four, three, two, one. You just hear a gunshot. I would say. Close, but not so far. If he only just bullshitted us, he'd be alive. Would it be Cantonese? You say Cantonese?

I guess so. Cantonese isn't... I think Mandarin is the one that's mostly spoken. I already screwed myself up. Shot again. Yeah. You can speak Cantonese in Hong Kong, I think. Okay, so Mandarin is the one.

I think so. Yeah, see? It's tough. Because then, I don't know, if you learned Italian, you'd have to move to Italy. Why else would you... Do you know what I mean? Why would you learn that? I'd learn it for the gestures.

I think it's only gestures, isn't it? It's just English gestures. Is there some attraction to Mandarin? No, it just seems... You got a thing for Asian ladies? I got a thing for those oranges. I like them oranges. Oh, you like oranges.

Okay. I've always been a peach guy. Ever since basketball was invented. I don't know. It seems like the most like, I guess, utilitarian. I guess French makes the most sense because I live in a country where that's the other official language. But also French seems like a very beautiful

language, too. Like, it's spoken in a very like, eloquent, beautiful way. I've also heard it spoken in the opposite of that. Right, right, yeah, yeah. Where it's very, like, like a pirate. You know when you see, like, a Westerner who can speak, like, an Asian language, like Mandarin or Japanese, it's always really impressive eventually, but at first it's very jarring. It's like, ooh, stop it. We were actually just last night, Charlie, Phil, and I went to Jappadog,

which is so good. So for anybody who doesn't, have we explained Jappadog? Yes, a thousand times. It's a Japanese hot dog. Did you go to the restaurant or the stand? We went to the stand. Okay. I saw the restaurant. the stand we went to the stand okay and i saw the restaurant we walked past it but then uh last night we were walking the stand is

better the stand it was so good i didn't know what to expect i mean i like hot dogs anybody but it was it was really good and uh there was a guy in front of charlie ordering who charlie pointed this out and it was very funny like the guy clearly was like wanting this people at the stand to know that he like spoke some japanese so he kept like trying to like say japanese and charlie's like and you can see the lady finally give up and be like oh you speak really good japanese and the guy and the guy clearly right away going ah you know i just i dabble in it like he just needed that compliment to then move into it ah you know i try i dabble in it like he just needed that compliment to then move into ah you know i try i don't know what i'm doing then like say another thing in japanese just fishing for compliments i know hot dog uh that's about it i know ketchup i know mustard hot dog related

languages well it's it's funny and i took French for 12 years in school. Or 13. Kindergarten as well. And there's certain words that they never bother to turn French. Like hot dog is one of them. Le hot dog. Hamburger. Hamburger.

And those are the moments where the language is no longer beautiful. Hamburger Hot dogs That's what you've heard Super cool Hamburger Ah bonjour Mi amor

I don't know if that means you speak French Mi amor Mi amor Mi amor Bonjour My love Shall we get the hamburger? Bonjour, my love.

Shall we get a hamburger? Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man? I've had the last couple of days. Look, it's not a deal at ABC, but what I have had is some pretty good run-ins with Slurpees. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Here we go. Yesterday I went to the candy store. I wasn't just at a store that had candy. I went specifically into a candy store. Is it that fancy one with all the candies from around the world? Yeah. I mean, it's not fancy. Does it feel like that in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

At the beginning when they go into the Candyman, the guy who sings like, The Candyman, that dude where he's just giving out the candy. It does feel that way. I've just always wanted to walk into that exact place. It's just a store that only sells candy. But it's true. They don't do, because isn't the candy store in the... No singing employees?

No, just a guy in an Argyle sweater. Hey Dave, cause of the candy man. I'm just here for some gobstoppers. It's not even a big deal. Yeah, just a guy who weighs the gummy stuff you get. Do you want a twist tie with that? Or are you just going to eat it? He's just miserable.

Do you need a bag with that or do you just want to eat candy? I'm diabetic and I have to work here. It's my family's business. You should probably brush your teeth after eating those. We got these new candies there. Embargar flavored. So I went in there and uh uh this is my first uh slurpy slushy related thing uh i went in there and i was getting some uh some of those gummy uh cola bottles and some uh strawberry marshmallows or marshmallow strawberries sure chocolate covered

pretzels all in one, and they just weigh it. You know, you've got to make an investment into weight versus deliciousness. And so I had my bag, and I'm sort of looking around for something else to get, and there's these two kids, and their parents are off in another part of the candy store, and it's like a little girl, maybe eight, and her slightly older brother,

and he's like, wow, a slush puppy machine. And she's like, yeah, I know, but we can't have it. Mom and Dad said we can't have it. We're very clear on this. And he's like, no, no. A slush puppy, that's like the best kind of slushie you've ever had. Personally, Blue Raspberry is the greatest. And she's like, do you think we can convince them?

Like, she flops immediately. And so they go, they both get excited about the possibility of a slush puppy. And it's freezing outside. Yeah. And they go up to their mom and dad and say, hey, can possibility of a slush puppy. And it's freezing outside. Yeah. And they go up to their mom and dad and say, hey, can we get a slush puppy? And both of the mom and dad at the same time just go, no. The art of the negotiation. You can get one thing.

Do you remember that when there were limits imposed on your candy? Yeah. I remember going to a candy store. After you said about the guy from Willy Wonka, there's a candy store like after you said about like the guy from willy wonka there's a candy store in banff alberta that's like that and it's like all wood shelves and there's like a ladder like if you're like you know three of those from up in the and they're all in glass jars so it's like a like an apothecary of candy i would get they would have just like giant chunks of like um sponge toffee is that what yeah yeah like and you would just like just take a chunk like it wasn't wrapped you just take

a chunk and they would like put it in a paper bag or whatever and that would always be my like one thing like my parents were like go in there and get whatever you want it was just the thing that like you could just it was the lowest to the floor i could just grab it and start eating it no wrapper on it or anything uh i don't even think i liked it that much it just like it was it scratched that itch yeah it was like before my parents take away that one choice. You can get half a thing. Oh, I've already eaten this sponge toffee. It was just on the floor. It combines all my favorite attributes of sponges and toffee.

This is where we're finding out you weren't even eating candy. It was some sort of floor cleaner. It wasn't in a jar. It wasn't wrapped. It was definitely a sponge. There was a picture of a wasn't in a jar. It wasn't wrapped. It was definitely a sponge. There was a picture of a dead mouse in a circle with a line through it on the cover. They didn't charge me for it.

They called an ambulance. Oh, the colors you would see after you ate it. It got so hot. They made me drink Ipecac. Did you ever have that? Like a childhood candy experience? I used to always, when my parents let me, I could take the bike to the end of our road,

which went to a pretty busy road. There was a gas station. They would let me ride my bike up there, and me and my friends would just go on a candy shopping spree with whatever money we had. I know that the lady there just hated us because we weren't loud or disruptive. We just walked around knowing we only had like $1.70. We're trying to stretch it so we wouldn't just – like we shopped, like people shopping for clothes. What do you think of this? At our age, you know she was thinking we're killing time waiting for her to turn around

so that we can steal something. But really we were just like, well we get two of these we can do four of that if we do one of these. So I used to do that. That was like it's not there were no sponges on the floor. It was your basic candy

experience. But yeah, i never got into the uh i i feel like i'm more of like a savory okay uh sort of taste bud person but i never like that childhood like i would go up there and like get tons of candy that was great but then i don't know when i finally could go into the places where you could do like the way and pay kind of thing i I never really... Yeah. No, it's gross. Yeah, it is weird.

It's weird when you eat candy. I love it. And then you think about, oh, how much gummy I just put in myself. That's the thing. That's not turning into anything but fat. I think I would overdo it. I think I would do that. I would just eat so many gummy worms.

I'd be like, oh, I just feel sick. Yeah. Well, I remember I had a store that I went to all the time that was right by our elementary school. And my parents would give me bus fare and I would just walk home but use the bus fare to buy candy. And it was one of these stores. Like 100% of the customers were from the school. And yet they had to put up a sign that said like no more than five people at a time in the store yeah so it was like they knew what you guys were up to not me i was i just wanted some hockey that candy man from willie wonka would have gone out of business in about a week because he

was just handing out he was just throwing around he didn't care he inherited the business he was trying to get to broadway he didn't care about that candy. It was shit of a candy. His dad never supported him. He was trying to bankrupt the business. Here, just take it, kids. The moment where he digs into the jar of whatever, like chocolate balls and just throws them. This is unsanitary and I'm not making any money.

Go back and re-watch that scene and sync it up with Dark Side of the Moon and you'll see. As a kid, that must have been bizarre. Sync it up with the first Fat Boys album. I haven't actually seen that movie and I'm pretending

just so I'll be accepted. Oh, is that right? The original... It was called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That, is that right? Yeah. The original, yeah. Willy Wonka? It was called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That was the Johnny Depp one. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. I think in England it's called something else than in America. But yeah. No, I'm familiar with like parts of it. Charlie and the Carob Factory. Yeah. I never saw it as a kid. It's a Disney movie.

It's one of the ones I was like, well, why would I go back as an adult and watch? Oh, you should. It's a Disney movie. It's one of the ones I was like, well, why would I go back as an adult and watch it? Oh, you should. It's great. The only reason to watch it as an adult is that Gene Wilder is so crazy in it. And there's the thing, like, there's the opening scene where you see him for the first time. He walks out like he's all hobbled. He's got a cane. And then he trips over the cane and does this crazy somersault.

And that was Gene Wilder, like like demanded that be in the movie and the director was like no don't do it and then in every take he would just keep doing it so so it's in the movie now and you know what i think he was right yeah i like it i like that's the first time you see him because you're so curious as to what he's going to be like. I think it's actually a fun movie for adults more so than kids. I know what I'm doing tonight. Yeah. Willy Wong and the Chocolate Factory. He's got to go to that. Can you see that?

Something else. Oh, yeah. Probably going to get a nice dinner. No, no. Let's get a nice hamburger. Lumbergoop. Hamburger. The other slush-related incident that happened to me was I was at Mac's this morning, which is like a...

It's like a couche tart. It is a... It's like 7-Eleven. And I went in there to use the cash machine, and there was a woman, an old lady, using the cash machine, taking forever. Yeah. Old ladies love it. Yeah. Taking time.

Well, no, I don't think she was loving it i think she was like what i think she was done and then there was like three minutes left where she was like okay let me just double check i got my receipt i got my cash i got my card okay one more time gotta check on all these things yeah uh and then a guy walked in behind me and he was like mid-40s wearing a uh uh like a camouflage cap but not like army camouflage like hunter camouflage with like sticks and uh he walked in behind me and i was like okay so he's waiting for the uh the cash machine as well it's 9 30 in the morning and he says uh excuse me and gets me to move out of the way because I'm blocking the Slurpees. Oh, this is, sorry, I thought you were in a bank.

No, no, no, I was at Max. Oh, at Max, yeah, sorry. I was in the fun bank. Yeah. We got Slurpees. And so I wasn't expecting that. It's 9.30 in the morning. He picks up a giant, he's not a big fat guy or anything,

he picks up a giant Slurpee container. It's freezing outside, like literally zero degrees Celsius. He starts filling up giant Slurpee container. It's freezing outside, like literally zero degrees Celsius. He starts filling up the Slurpee and drinks some of it and pours it back in the little thing. And then tests all eight flavors and drinks them all. And so the clerk actually walks over. I don't know if the guy waved him over to talk to him or if the clerk was just like, I better go check on this guy. But then the guy starts complaining about the consistency of these Slurpees. Like, these are all watered down.

I don't know what you're doing to this thing. And the guy's like, well, maybe it's because no one has bought a Slurpee in a month. It's just been cycling around. But yeah, I can't do that. I can't have a slurpee at all anymore, let alone at 9.30 in the morning. No way. No, I mean like the last...

When was the last time I had a slurpee? Because it's always... It's like a hot summer day. You're like, this is going to be great. And then halfway through, you're like, oh, I feel dehydrated. I feel worse than when this started. I think waking up and having a slurpee that early in the morning is like waking up you're like, I feel dehydrated. I feel worse than when this started. I think waking up and having a slurpee that early in the morning

is like waking up and being like, I'm going to wake up and wake and bake. I'm going to get high right when I wake up. And now you've committed that mentality to the whole day. Even when you've come down, you're still not in the same place. I think that's the same with a slurpee at nine in the morning. You're like, alright, for the day, I'm just

going to be a blob that kind of moves a little. I guess there is the whole day. But it also goes again, like it's like, here's a guy who obviously doesn't give a shit about anything. He's drinking a Slurpee

at nine in the morning. The biggest Slurpee. Yeah, but he cares enough to like make a complaint and like, you know, be proactive about the Slurpee. Can I speak to your sommelier? It's almost like before he walked in they were like and you're gonna try all the slurpee flavors and complain about it or you'll never see your son again yeah it's all in his ear yeah yeah

howie mandel is whispering stuff in his ear for him to say. Yeah, that's the insidious twist. It's Howie Mandel's got a gun train on the guy's daughter. Now try the orange flavor. Say it's too weird. Yeah, now dump it on the floor. Dump it on the floor. Hey, move that guy out of the way waiting at the ATM. Shove him aside.

Get in there. This is how we do it. And you, lady, if you want to see your husband again, keep double-checking your stuff. Yeah. Wow, that's a great idea for a hidden camera show. Yeah.

Contestants earn ransom money. Yeah. Yeah, you've been taken. Taken. money yeah yeah you've been taken taken taken you've been taken so yeah that was great that's good how about how about yourself what's going on with you um what you know uh i'm trying to think if there was anything significant. I think the most significant thing of the week, personally, was I was at a meeting and Charlie Demers was in the same meeting. Past guest.

Past guest. Comedian Charlie Demers. Working with you this weekend. Yep, yep. Having a Japa dog there were pop chips at this meeting now pop chips are a

they're like a popped chip they're air popped instead of fried or baked which I don't know why why in chip form you know what I mean it's just like there's more air in yeah i guess they're healthier uh yeah i guess they might be packed with salt yeah it's still

a chip yeah yeah it's like but i ate i was eating them because i forgot to eat lunch and so i was eating a lot of them and i think because there was extra air in the chips just like like expanded in my stomach it was crazy and i didn't start feeling not great and then at one point charlie said something and he left open just enough room for me to like throw a zinger in there really zig him and when i opened my mouth they just like everybody heard it it was so embarrassing was this like an important meeting like a grown up meeting

no but it was like the room was silent and I was totally going to sing even had my hand up like I'm going to sing you and all that came up was just that was so embarrassing it's great as the physicality of pointing at him made it seem like you meant to like

just like a monster who's your friend your friend is saying something to us Charlie or it's like you're like a frat boy guy and that was your zinger Your friend is saying something to us, Charlie. Or it's like you're a frat boy guy, and that was your zinger. Oh, yeah, totally. Check me out. Yeah, everybody listen up.

Put on your sunglasses and walk out of the meeting. Surf out of the meeting. Oh, man, yeah, I guess there would have been a way to recover from it, but I definitely didn't have it. Yeah. It was just like... It was one of those things where you were like, well, let me take out this sword and commit suicide. Do some seppuku in front of me. Stabbing himself.

But it's crazy because it's like the burp came out like it was disguised as words. It's like my mouth didn't know enough to like no close close these aren't the words you want to say uh we're losing it yeah we're all losing we're all falling our faculties absolutely i didn't know that that would be my zinger would be the first to go but my zinger mechanism is not as hot that's what pop chips do to you. Yeah. So I guess, if anything, this is a community service.

I'm saying don't eat so many pop chips. Well, Abby, she went to fashion school and every, like she'll volunteer at like the Eco Fashion Week and people's fashion shows and every fashion event in Vancouver is sponsored by pop chips. So I like everywhere vancouver is sponsored by pop chips so i like everywhere you go you get free pop chips and i don't know why they have attached themselves to that when they should be attaching themselves to like a burping competition yeah yeah yeah some sort of uh super bowl parties and uh you know things where burping and that kind of stuff yeah chips are the one that did like the ashton kutcher in like full indian garb that's right oh really oh yeah i was about to say they got in trouble

but i feel like that you don't really get in trouble it just ends up being sort of a faux pas you don't really i don't know what you get in trouble for they're kind of like that was tasteless yeah it's just considered very yeah it was very strange people talk about uh like uh mickey rooney in breakfast at tiffany's doing asian face yes and like oh you could never do that nowadays yeah you totally could people would forget about it in no time yeah you could do it and and but that's the thing it's like it is tasteless but i it's it's so weird you're like well you're not gonna get in trouble yeah like people still eat pop chips it's not like pop chips like well yeah we fucked up we probably shouldn't have had yeah yeah that's true but also no one's like hey ashton yeah you don't get in trouble you just kind of for a week people are

like yeah you're crazy hey you're mean isn't that guy a racist i can't remember yeah i know that he's dating me lacuna's is that true? Yeah. And she's racist, too. Yeah, absolutely. It's a real life imitates that 70s show situation. I wonder, like, I didn't even think about that. Did you not? They were together on that show. Oh, wow.

But they hated each other. They were like Bogie and Bacall. I don't know. I've never seen any of those movies. I don't know those references. But they like,

you know, you hear those stories about people who like, they get married or they've been married and then they get divorced and then they go back, get back together

with their high school sweetheart. That's what it's like. Yeah, except that it was a phony high school sweetheart. Yeah. They're like, we had some pretty good times. They keep confusing times they actually had. Sure, we fought a lot, but...

I remember there were some good singers in there. Remember that time I stole a car accidentally? That was the show, wasn't it? Remember when we got locked in that meat freezer? Yeah, we covered for Eric Foreman. Wait, wait. He's not a real guy. We had flashbacks, remember? Huh.

Our conversations aren't as zippy as they used to be. We knew each other in the 70s. Yeah. And we're in our late 20s now. Did we go into a coma for 30 years? An ageless coma?

Disney was right. You can be frozen at the top of the matador. That'd be great, too. You find out that that basketball court up there is beach baskets. It's so inconvenient. And he only used it because they're climbers. They can climb up and get the balls. Disney was a dick.

This was the basketball he grew up with. Instead of a ladder, there's a mini matador. Matador. Matadors. I might have said matador too. I don't know. I think they should climb up on a matador. Matador basketball. The worst polo.

The most entertaining but yet functionless polo everyone's on a horse on a bull back getting thrown get back on your bull i can't there's no way to do that there's clowns running around Peaches all over the place. Two sticks. Howie Mandel's in their ear. Wow. A lot of callbacks. I think we just did every callback in one thing. Congrats, guys.

Do you guys want to move on to overheard? Yes, please. All right. Overheard. Overheards. Things overheard as you go about your general daily life. You're walking around. You got your ears open.

You really do got your ears open. It's just, you know what it is about overheard? It's, it's, there's something magic in the air that happens with these things. And that is what makes me appreciate them so darn much. Because I love magic. The Gathering.

Dave, hush your face. Because it's time for a quick foray into my favorite segment. Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News. Now, last week was slow for Hulk Hogan news. This week, things are back on track. Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair.

Oh, Flair's ease. Have both been given offers from giant television networks in Mexico to step into the ring one last time. Television networks? Plural? Yeah. We're going to co-broadcast this thing. One will cover Hulk, one will cover Flair. And they made a huge offer to Hulk Hogan

to wrestle one show in Mexico. Hogan turned down the offer, stating that he cannot go in the ring anymore. They even proposed a match where Hogan would stay stationary and have wrestlers run into his punches. But Hogan rejected that as well.

So he really can't wrestle. I mean, that's... How old is he? He just turned 59. Oh, 59. Why don't they just ask Mickey Rourke? Mickey Rooney, you mean.

Mickey Rooney will be a Chinese guy, and Mickey Rourke will just be a wrestler ready to die. Mickey Rooney will be playing Ricky the Dragon Steamboat. That is hilarious. That's their first offer. Well, their first offer is he wrestles the second offer is he's completely stationary and and people run into his fists the third offer what would that be like oh he's in a coma but he still has psychic wrestling powers he's like no i don't want to do that i feel like his response is mexico look i have a lot of money i don't need this i don't need to die for your entertainment how about you put on a mexican

wrestler mask and then go behind a screen and then you come out but you're slightly shorter and in good shape yeah it gets to the 10th offer. They're like, okay, we just pay you. The end. It's like, no. No, no pesos. Not a big pesos guy. Is there any, do you know what Ric Flair said?

Was Ric Flair like, I'll do it? Oh, yeah. Ric Flair, I think the second part of that story was Ric Flair has also received a big offer to work with an international promotion. It is believed that Flair would wrestle again if the money was right. The general feeling is that he will likely end up back in the WWE. And they have made it clear that if he comes back, that he will not wrestle in a WWE ring. So he would come back, I guess, as an announcer guy? Can you retire from wrestling?

Has any wrestler ever died in their retirement? Or do they all die like they're still currently a wrestler? I don't think, yeah. I think there's very few wrestlers that have completely like, I will never step in the ring again. Like there's always, it's very, like a superhero. Always open-ended for ring again. Yeah. Like there's always, it's very like a superhero. Oh, he's open-ended for a return. Yeah.

Well, Andre the Giant, he, he was done wrestling, right? I guess so, but, but only like for a very brief.

Oh, maybe if they retire, then they die. Oh, that's why they're so afraid to. Yeah. I think Andre the Giant at the end of his life, had he been offered a lot of money to come back and wrestle again,

would have come back. Yeah, of course. But I mean, by then, he'd be the size of a building. He never stopped growing. He was like a tumor. Yeah. But that wasn't as fun a nickname as the Giant. Andre the Tumor.

Well, it's not as scary, even though it should be. If they could have part upgrading his heart if he was alive now they could have kept his heart growing and then he could have just gotten to like 9 feet he just could have become like a real Yao Ming

yeah yeah yeah if he was alive today he would be doing hanging out with Manute Bull. I mean, who's also dead. They're probably hanging out right now. In the afterlife. Yeah, absolutely. They're jamming on their guitars.

Yeah, that's happening. I like the idea that when a famous musician dies, you're like, oh, they're up there with Jimmy. Yeah. Making a lot of racket. Picture the Andre Giants' hands and picture him playing guitar.

It actually kind of frustrates you a little. You can't see it. They're too big. His fingers are way too big. He can't do it. I like the idea that every dead person is in this giant heaven band, regardless of their talent.

Whatever they did. Yeah. Every day at 3 o'clock is band practice. And it is a cacophony. But the only people who aren't in the band were people who are big musicians in their life. They have to watch. It's their hell.

Yeah, it's all one room. That's what we've never pictured. It's all one room. That's what we've never pictured. It's all one room. It's just your interpretation of it. Yeah. And it's cloudy. We have pictured that. Absolutely.

It's cloudy, harps, winds. But there is a chance of meatballs. Sure. Now, with the overheards, we always like to start with the guest. Okay. Are you up for it? I am up for it. All right.

This is sort of an interesting overheard because I've just never seen this happen before, and there were zero repercussions for what happened. I was on a flight to come up here. I fly Delta all the time now. Oh, you love to fly. I love to fly. It shows. I've flown with Delta for like three years.

How come? Is there? Someone at one point've like, well, someone at one point was like, you know, if you just pick one airline, you'll start getting benefits and stuff because you move up in there like medallion program. And it's great.

And, and, and that factors into the story. Like now, every, every now and then I get like upgraded to first class. If it's open, I'm up against other medallion members.

So it's like, I might get to sit up there. And this flight up here from LA to Vancouver wasn't that packed it was on Alaska Airlines, their partner so I got to sit in first class and while in first class, no one's sitting next to me I hear this woman talking and I've got my headphones on so I just kind of take them off

and a woman we've taken off, we're in the air this woman is on the phone in first class and she's going I can't I'm on the flight 1230 it lands at 1230 I can't

I have to go no one I mean I'm sitting there like I've never seen this before people get mad when you're listening to your iPod this woman is taking a call and so bold to be like, and trying to be like,

they don't get it. I have to go. This person on the other line is so stupid. And I don't know if it's because she was in first class, but none of this, anyone working on the flight, they were just kind of like, let it happen, being like, well, it sounds like she's about to hang up.

She's trying to get rid of this person. It went for like 30 seconds, way longer than you would think. Wow. And it wasn't like, I know it's probably like kind of a weird over her because it wasn't anything specific. But just, I've never seen that. Of all the flights I've taken my whole life. And the plane didn't drop out of the sky. I thought, I was like, we're dead.

Yeah. We're dead. This woman doesn't care about our lives. Wow. I was on a- That's good like, we're dead. Yeah. We're dead. This woman doesn't care about our lives. Wow. I was on a- That's good reception, right? Yeah. I also didn't think you'd be able to take a call.

No. But not only was she taking it, she was like happy. It lands at 1230. Becky, I gotta go. Trust me. I'm on the plane. What was Becky's deal? Becky's like, well, talk to me.

I've never talked to someone who's on a plane. Talk to me. Becky, we land at 1230 Guess where I'm calling from The ground I'm on the ground, you're in the sky Let's get a conference call going with that guy in the water Let's cover every base

I'll get Ted to go in the pool Underwater And someone in the fire Will cover all the elements Oh man that's great I've been on a plane where As soon as it takes off Someone gets up from their seat

And just starts like walking around Yeah You mean the action of a terrorist Yeah and we're diagonal It was a woman There are female terrorists. Well, in relationships they can be. E.T., an emotional terrorist.

Got a real E.T. going on over here. And this lady's trying to phone home. trying to phone home. But I was very impressed with the flight attendant who chased this woman down the aisle while the plane is diagonal in the sky.

And she's wearing high heels as she's chasing down this woman. It was great. Yeah, wow. What is that person thinking? Well, they're not thinking anything. Their head is filled with sadness. I see that a lot.

I see people get up way too early. Like, I understand if maybe you're about to shit yourself. And you just have to look at it. You have to be like, look, I have to go throw up. I'm going to shit myself and everyone around me. I have to shit. Like, either you let me just go do this and put myself in harm's way.

Yeah. Or this is going to be bad for everybody. Yeah, that's true. Any reasonable person would be like, all right, just be careful because you're not supposed to be out of your seat. But there's people who just like, as soon as takeoff, like, I'm going to stand up and kind of,

I forgot to get this book down. Can't wait five more minutes for this. It's a Dan Brown. I got to see what does happen in the Bible. Dave, do you have it over? Yeah, I do. I was at this candy store and there were these two kids. No, I was standing in line at a completely

different store and a woman answered her phone and she, I guess, was expecting a call from someone and she was like, oh, I'm so glad you called me back. And she was mid-twenties. And she was like, oh, I'm so glad you called me back. And she was mid-20s. She said, yeah, thanks for calling me back. It turns out I'm not going to do

the dental assisting program. I'm going to do psych nursing. Because I did the two-day observation of the dental assistant program. And it was so boring. And I was like fuck this I really like how she swore

she changed her voice she's got a real attitude bro I'm going to do the psych nursing program really? psych? no I'm doing the dental assistant observance. Fuck yes. Have you

seen... But like she thought dental assisting was so boring. Psych nursing is gonna be the complete opposite. Oh yeah, psych nursing is gonna be crazy. Yeah, it's a party every day. One thing it isn't, boring. One thing it is stabby yeah

you know what i'm not gonna do the construction worker no i'm thinking about being a surgeon yeah the uh there's these um dummies that dental assistants and dentists practice on oh really and uh some i don't know where i saw it online but there's like a company you know uh companies will hand out calendars at christmas yeah and there's a calendar with all these all these dummies they're so freaky looking but like post like people but their mouths are like huge and open they They've got these giant teeth. Great teeth. Are they ventriloquist dummies? They look like scary ventriloquist dummies.

Oh, wow. Anyways, I'd never seen them before. So you're going to perform a root canal on a jalapeno on a stick. Yeah. Also known as Mr. April. Ahmed the Dead Terrorist. Oh, Graham. Oh, Graham. Oh, yes.

Are you involved in this mix-em-up? Sure. You have an overheard. My overheard came... It was an overheard that I was involved in. Congrats. And by proxy, the whole audience that was at this taping of the debaters. Oh, earlier this week in North Vancouver. No, Surrey surrey british columbia surrey british columbia and it's a it's a show that happens with

a live audience but is recorded for the radio that's the primary purpose of the show and so uh heckling discouraged yeah um but uh i was doing a debate about uh should animals uh be allowed to wear clothes right be allowed or is it a good idea to put a clothes on your pets or whatever and uh so my opening line was uh do you know who hates animals being dressed up more than me animals right that was my opening line and so i said do you know who hates animals being dressed up more than me and some dude in the front row yelled out me i was like the fuck yeah thanks for your help fucking asshole i can't go back and do that line now. You fucking ruined it. Well, at least it wasn't your opening line. Yeah.

Oh, wait. Oh, it was. Anyways. Me. Hamburger. Sorry, dude. If you didn't leave so many pauses, I wouldn't yell things out. Yeah.

I'm a monster that doesn't understand things. Oh, you get to talk because you're on the show? Yeah. Okay. Oh, you have a microphone. I have to yell. Yeah, you know how hard my job is? Fuck that.

I've been dental assisting all day. It's so boring. I hate animals and clothes. Yeah, it's so boring. I hate animals in clothes. We also have overheards and overseens sent in to us from around the world. If you want to send one in, too, you can send them in to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And this first one comes from Carl J.

This is in Sweden. Oh, J is probably a soft J. Oh, yay? Hey? Carl! Carl! Jay! It's so soft.

It's a whispered Jay. Carl! Jay! I'm writing it with an overseen that happened a few years ago, back on Halloween in harmless little Sweden. Me and my friends were wandering around a town at four in the morning when suddenly this guy dressed as Spider-Man comes running at full speed and jumps up on a lamppost, only to start sliding down and hitting his balls upon the maintenance hatch

and falls to the ground whining. What made it all the better is that a very short and fat cat woman comes running over screaming, Are you okay? Did you hurt your ass, too? Oh, Swedes. Harmless little Sweden.

Yeah, I love it. There's a lot of that, I imagine. There was a second that guy was like, I'm Spider-Man. Watch this. Yeah. Watch. Wait. Wait a minute.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, my balls. Oh, my balls. Oh, this maintenance hatch just hit my maintenance hatch. That doesn't work. I think it works. It works just fine.

My favorite was, I can see the Andre part. Andre the tumor. I can see the Andre part of it. That was my favorite part, too. I feel like it got overlooked. Yeah, I know. The listener enjoyed it, I'm sure. It's good.

It's good to go back, though, and talk about our favorite parts. Of the show, during the show. You know what my favorite part was? It was during your last visit of the show during the show my favorite part was it was during your last visit to the show three years ago uh this next one comes from ashley in st louis missouri um i was meeting my friends at a bar for trivia night i spotted them at a table and walked over coming into the conversation just as one of the friends said if it wasn't for dildos our town would be bankrupt so either that's like the town st louis yeah it's true it's the town that like do they have

a big factory or is it just that like the local economy people everyone owns one oh yeah there there's maybe there's a lot of dildo shops. Yeah. There's a whole dildo district. They have planned obsolescence, so after a couple of years, your dildo breaks down. You gotta break a new one. Absolutely. Who killed the electric dildo? You've been to St. Louis? Do they have a lot of them? I think what she's not telling us is that right after that was said, everyone at the table

held up their drinks like, here, here! And all the drinks were like, hollowed out dildos with beer in them. To our man, no dildos in them. Or she's not saying that maybe St. Louis is like the bachelorette party capital of the world. People get them and then throw them away after the night. It's just a sitting maintenance crew that just picks up just

just a crown of dildos is on everybody at that table but weren't for dildos we'd be dead so you gotta separate your recycling you gotta do your paper your glass and your dildos what about this glass dildo oh gosh becky i don't know why don't i just go to becky i always make it becky's name because becky seems like somebody would be concerned about that right becky's worried Oh, gosh, Becky. I don't know. Why don't I just go to Becky? I always make it Becky's name. Because Becky seems like somebody would be concerned about that, right? Becky's worried about what happens to the glass dildo. Yeah. Burned from dildos.

I hope that was a really harsh discussion, too. Well, if it weren't for dildos, our fucking town would be bankrupt, Jason. Yeah, exactly. Guys, Sarah's here. How about the next time you open your mouth About dildos I don't like dildos Shut up We invited you

Dildos paid for your education Or maybe that girl doesn't know What dildos are She calls tax breaks dildos. This government's just all about dildos. This government's just about fake dicks. If we keep having all these dildos, how are we going to get the tax money to pay for these roads? Everyone's like, what? Thanks for the dildos, Barack Hussein Obama.

Oh, man. That was a good number of dildos, Barack Hussein Obama. Oh, man. It was a good number of dildos that we said. Oh, by the way, every time we say dildo in this episode, go back and have drunk. A dollar is donated to St. Louis' government.

St. Louis' entire state of Missouri gets government pay. The SLDA, St. Louis' the entire state of Missouri gets government pay. The SLDA. St. Louis Dildo Association. This last one comes from Barry A. I was out on my... Soft A.

Soft A. Barry A. A. A. I was out on my front lawn waiting for my dog to do her business when I overheard a woman walking towards me shouting into a cell phone the connection on the cell phone must have not been good because she had to repeat everything she said and was getting visibly frustrated hey guess who's a hooker i said guess who's a hooker our cousin taylor i said Taylor, our cousin.

I'm blowing up your phone right now. I'm blowing up your phone right now. Ah, never mind. I'll see you at Christmas. Oh, man. That would be big news. Yeah. Guess who's a hooker?

I don't know. Taylor? Ohlor oh yeah did you already hear cousin sandy says that taylor he thinks you're a looker yeah when you're driving across canada hey guess uh guess who invented being a hooker a canadian my canadian cousin yeah taylor My Canadian cousin Taylor Was it a Canadian? That is true though That is like any historical fact It's the oldest profession But it's always asked like that Do you know where this comes from? It's like I know what you're trying to do

They always say You want me to make a mistake and say an American did it So you can correct and go Actually no they didn't. Ketchup comes from Canada. Alright, you win. Hookers. Oh man, that would be big news at any family gathering.

Oh, that somebody's become a hooker? Oh, so what's Taylor up to? She's doing a couple things. I remember when a gal from our block works as a waitress at a strip club. That was big. That was big controversy in the neighborhood. Yeah. It was like, whoa.

Apparently, a girl I went to school with at university, between years one year, did a porno. Oh, what? Yeah. And everyone was like, like we gotta see this thing wow people seen it uh people saw it i didn't see it um you can tell us i didn't and the listeners you know what it is it's there is such an output uh like you didn't have probably didn't use a real name but someone tracked it down and yeah uh but But I don't think you could probably even find it on the internet. Yeah.

Well, we both know a guy who does comedy who also was working in pornography. Oh, yeah. I've seen his work. What's his name? Oh, wait. Can you not say it? Well, we can. He knows he's in the porno business.

His name's DJ. Yeah. Yeah. Didn't that guy do a documentary about him? The guy doing a documentary about four comics? Yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I met DJ. My first time in Vancouver at the Urban Spoon. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Urban Spoon? Urban Well. I think it's at Urban Spoon because that's an app.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's a food app, Urban Well. Yeah, the Urban Well. I saw him at the poor man's Yelp. I saw him over at the old not Yelp. Yeah, and I met him and he was like, he said he was a porn star. Yeah, well, see, now that's the thing. It's a loose term.

Yeah, you can't just say I'm a, like, I don't say I'm a comedy star. Yeah, right. Right? I'm a porn star. Oh, who have you touched? Who have you done? Yeah. Who have you done? Oh, my cousin's a porn star well she's a hooker i said she's a hooker i'll see you christmas love you hugs and kisses

um now in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hey, Dave and Graham. Daniel in Fraser Park, California. Hi, Daniel. I've got an overheard for you. I work at an outdoor education camp. Kids come up, we teach about nature and stuff. But anyway, overheard some sixth grade girls talking to each other.

One said, you made that boy cry. The other one scoffed and said, I can make any boy cry. Sounds like a hooker. Probably true. Or it sounds like somebody who's not afraid to hit boys. Sounds like Andre the Giant's daughter. Probably true. Yeah. Or it sounds like somebody who's not afraid to hit boys in the head. Yeah. Sounds like Andre the Giant's daughter.

I mean, I believe I could probably make any person cry, but I just don't want to. Yeah. Oh, yeah. By killing something they love. Yeah. Killing something they love. Almost killing them. Sure.

Oh, yeah. Just hitting them with a car. Hitting them with a car. What I love is in their social social dynamic Like that one line just put her at the top Of the food chain I can make any boy cry They're like oh You're our new leader Here's my granola bar you can have it

And that dude was just standing around Cutting out the bottom of a peach basket To nail to a tree for the kids Over listening We do a throwback basketball game here. Everyone in slacks. Everybody put on

penny loafers and slacks. Everybody grease your hair back and have a cigarette rolled up in your sleeve. And women, get out of here. Anybody but the white guys. Get out. Next phone call. Hey, guys.

It's Dylan from Illinois. I am standing in an art theater about to see Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Nice. And I just got probably the best overheard I've heard in a long time. The two people behind the desk were really bored and they were talking about vegetarianism, as you do, and they were talking about McDonald's fries. And one of them says something like, did you know that there's actually beef juices in the McDonald's fries? And then the other person just kind of dreamily just says,

do you guys remember? Fuck. I cannot remember who they said. Okay. The singer. Okay. Here it is. Do you guys remember when Dave Matthews pooped in the lake?

Pooped in the lake? Yeah. I don't remember that. That call featured a couple of my favorite things. Yeah, for sure. When someone screws up in the middle. Yeah. But usually they just hang up, which is my favorite.

They panic and hang up. But this person kept going. Dave Matthews, a few years ago, I think in Chicago, his tour bus was driving over a bridge and just emptied its septic system into the lake. Yeah. And it was a big deal. Yeah. I remember that.

That is a big deal. Why would they do that? Isn't there places that you have to do that? There absolutely is. And it's so weird, too, because it's such a band that would be like, you would never think they would. Yeah. Smash Mouth, maybe. Maybe Smash Mouth or a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band.

You can see that kind of behavior coming. But Dave Matthews band. Like they just backed up the thing and then dumped it off of the bridge? Yeah, I think so. That's how I'm imagining it. I'm imagining a couple in a rowboat. Just as the guy's about to propose. He's a white suit yeah straw boater yeah i'm just dave matthew shit it's even so much a guy doing like standing on the backs just like going like in italy yeah just

on a gondola yeah gondolier a guy with a big funnel in his mouth about to drink a beer. Oh, God. Or a couple that was like, hey, didn't we have a bunch of fun at the Dave Matthews concert last night? We'll never sue him. Yeah, or it's like, oh, look, there's a snowflake. Try to catch one on your tongue. There's all sorts of great ways that a septic tank can be dropped on your head. You know who I thought sounded like shit last night? The Dave Matthews band

He was kind of shit And then it doesn't land on them It lands on the boat next to them Who loved the concert I disagree I disagree, they're at the top of their forms Now let's open this $1,000 bottle of wine

We've saved for years and centuries in our family. I love that the guy screwed up. The timing of it. And then the other girl... What did she say? How did he forget that that's what she said? I also like that

the person in the story simplified it to Dave Matthews pooped in the lake. That's what she said. I also like that the person in the story simplified it to Dave Matthews pooped in the lake. Because that's a different image entirely. Well, that's what I couldn't picture. Like, was he swimming in the lake and had to go? And the paparazzi was like, whoa, here comes a scoop. Strangely enough,

the thing that she said is like way worse than what, or way better than what did happen yeah yeah well he pooped in the leg it's only so much fine it's still weird and very you know it's not sanitary but a whole septic tank yeah rough stuff and it does not compare to beef juices in the fries i don't know what That girl's transition was ridiculous. Were we talking about that on this show? Yeah, about that there's a spray to make it taste... Beefy.

Yeah, because they don't use the beef anymore. And also, I like when people call it beef juice or meat juice. Blood. Blood is what you're talking about. When you squeeze a meat... But it was... I think it used to be they cooked it in animal fat.

Oh, yeah. Calo? Is that what it's called? Yeah. Anyway, here's your final overheard. Here we go. Have some, that was a really graphic phone call.

A lot of blood and poop. Yeah, that guy, he stepped it up. Hey, guys. So I live in Minneapolis near the wonderful lakes of Minneapolis, one of the 10,000. And I was walking my dog around the lake on the jogging path, and there were two women came up behind me.

I was kind of lost in thought for a moment, just kind of looking at the scenery and having no time. And there was a big flock of ducks that were kind of meandering and getting ready to head south for the winter. And, you know, packing suitcases, whatnot. And one woman said to the other, and these are full-grown women, like middle-aged women, not like children by any means. And one said to the other, now, birds are related to ducks, right? And the woman said i think so and the woman said well how are they related by marriage yeah birds and ducks they're both i think they're both related to dinosaurs yeah i just like that he cleared up the fact that we

they're like women like not children women. Women women. Like not women who aren't allowed to vote. I think children would know that. That's when you learn about what is a bird. How are they related? I like the other friend.

The other friend still quizzed her and the other girl already admitted she's like, I don't know. Well, how? I think they're related. I think they're related well how by by the wing yeah they're well they're cousins one of them one's a hooker one became a hooker yeah oh lordy i for a second thought he was gonna say this is the craziest overheard i was walking my dog around the lake and i saw these birds and i was just like and then he's just like and the overheard. I was walking my dog around the lake and I saw these birds and I was just like... And the overheard was... Can you believe it?

I was walking around the lake and I saw Dave Matthews taking a ship on a duck and then strangling it and then eating fries at the same time. Anyways, it was crazy. I didn't care. It's not a part of the bird

family. I guess you had to be there. Now, that does bring us to the end of the show, and Rory, people... First of all, thank you for being our guest. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Thank you. If people want to find out more about you, or find videos or whatever

online, where should they go? My website, RoryScovel.com, has some links for videos and show dates and stuff like that. Cool. Probably just YouTube, I guess, and then Twitter, at Rory Scovel. Nice. You got it all compact. There's no like at the ninja. Just my name, really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the www. Rory Scoville and that's not even like convenience for others that's because I will forget I'm like I'm just gonna go with my name I'm not hiding I'm on the grid you're like at wonder wizard

I'm just at Rory Scoville Dave? I don't have anything to promote but you know what we've never promoted? Is your video that you did. Oh, the Wilderness Man. Yeah. That I shot with Josh Lowen, who is the guy who created the Vancouver Crest logo from our t-shirts. Available at maxfunstore.com.

So you ended up doing it in Vermont. Yeah, nice. Yeah, so if have something from Vermont. Yeah. Nice. Um, yeah. So I, if you haven't seen this video, it's Graham frolicking in the woods. Yeah.

Frolic in the woods. It's great. I'll post it on the blog at, uh, maximum fun.org. Also, um, did we mention that we're in the most recent issue of sad magazine?

Sad mag. Oh no. Yeah, we didn't. There's a photo. There's a photo of, uh, you,

me and, uh, Charlie Demers. Yeah. And you're smoking a cigarette yeah it's very funny uh i'm holding a cigarette uh it was like a lady i don't know how to hold a cigarette yeah you had one of those long cigarette holders uh and there's actually if if you uh look up i think it's sad mag.ca you can find out where they sell this magazine and there's a bunch of great Vancouver comedy people in it. Yeah. Ah, good plugs. That'll work. If you want to head over to the blog,

stop, uh, or maximumfun.org, and if you want to get in touch with us, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com, or phone us at 206-339-8328, and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Boo! Bye-bye, babe.

Boo!