Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 257 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: February 18, 2013

Comedian Paul F. Tompkins returns to talk shoe jingles, wakeboarding dogs, and a butt website. Also, Dave discovers Flex Magazine.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 257 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the Pluto Nash slash Bruno Mars of our podcast, Mr. Dave Shumka. Hi, how you doing? Dave was taking a big drink out of a coffee like he was, like what, an NPR host or what was...

Like just someone enjoying coffee out on the porch two hands two handing this mug looked like you should have had a scarf warming my hands with the coffee do i detect cinnamon yes i do because i put some in there ruining my coffee and our guest uh this week uh returning guest one of our favorite all-time guests, and a gentleman who will be performing this April. I can't remember the date now. At the Soho Theater in London, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. You can't remember that date because I never told you that date. Oh, very Sherlock Holmes-y.

You passed my test. Performing April 18th, two days before Hitler's birthday. It's true. my test in celebration of the blitz and the blunts am i right for 20 they should have a blitz and blunts film festival so it'd be like triumph of the will and cheech and chong's nice dreams oh man oh chong uh thanks for coming back and being on the show guys thank you as always for letting me pitch myself as a guest we would have asked you but you got in there first i can't it just wouldn't do for you to ask me uh it would do it'd be fine yeah yeah no i'd refuse okay this is why i mean because i want to do the show right but it's a pride thing if you ask me that then i'm ceding control i see what i don't know i don't know who nobody knows um well. Nobody knows. Well, maybe you're not supposed to.

Right? You're very spiritual. I always forget that. Yeah, that's true. Namaste. Namaste. Guys, do you want to get to know us? I do. Get to know us.

So tell us. You're in Vancouver for the comedy festival. Here I am in Vancouver for the comedy festival. And it's been going great. It has been going great. It's a two-night stint, showbiz word. Yeah. Last night I did the Comedy Bang Bang show, which Dave was in attendance for that performance.

Yeah, and you weren't. Yeah, suspiciously absent. I was working at a video store. Graham, you can just say you were there. Like, he didn't see me Oh that's true But you said like you did know that he was there I knew that he was going

Well he said he was going to be there So I took that as word You still could have lied You have not said anything that proves you were at that show That's true Oh those balcony seats am I right So comfy I did feel like I heard you laugh A few times proves you were at that show. It's true. Oh, those balcony seats, am I right? So comfy.

I did feel like I heard you laugh a few times. Well, I did laugh a few times. But I didn't necessarily hear it every time. He's got a distinctive laugh. He does. Ah! Ho, ho, ho, ho! It's distracting at first but then you come to really enjoy it yeah and you throw a lot of seed around on the stage that's right somebody threw an alka-seltzer down there last night i was afraid his stomach was gonna explode is that a pigeon feeding thing or that is a seagull feeding seagull

seagull were you doing it But you were doing a turkey. It felt like it was turkey-ish, but I was really just trying to do a goofy laugh. I thought that you meant that somebody threw an Elka seltzer at you at the show last night. No, this was not a yuck-yucks. Somebody was, I was just recently at that club. It's not a yuck-yucks anymore. But there is a yuck Yucks still. There are two competing clubs now.

Yeah. Yuck Yucks and the Comedy Mix. The Comedy Mix was the Yuck Yucks. Used to be Yuck Yucks. The former Yuck Yucks. Yeah, yeah. But I heard the current Yuck Yucks still has drunk people coming to it. Yeah, so does the mix.

Yeah. Yes. And comedy clubs in general, I've heard. Yeah, exactly. But I heard at Yuck Yucks just the other night, they had to ask, I think, six people to leave. That's not bad. Ask might be putting it politely. Which is your way.

Our bouncers are very polite. Oh, with Brian Posehn. And he remembered a night that he was there with you. And it was a horrible crowd. And you went on stage with maybe a vacuum cleaner or swiffer i went out with a vacuum cleaner right it was one of the yes because todd barry had mentioned it in his set for some reason and then i i don't know what what i said when i brought it out on stage but i did bring it out on stage oh i think i brought it on stage to defend it against todd barry's slanders um

i don't know why he was talking about in the first place uh but that was that was the night that a guy thought i was challenging him to a fight when i was not even talking to him with the vacuum cleaner like like me and the vacuum cleaner we're gonna team up against it no no i know i seem like the cowardly type who talks big when there's a vacuum cleaner around but i was talking to someone to one of the servers who was standing in his it was a man very sexist oh my god we've come a long way baby so this guy this waiter was standing near where this guy was and this guy and i don't even remember what i said but it was not anything challenging in any way right and this but this guy i think was the type of person to take everything as a challenge uh to look for an excuse for violence and say yeah are you stepping to me

have you ever stepped to anybody? No. Bro? No, I'm no one's bro. So you wouldn't back up somebody in a fight? Oh my God, no. Oh, you're on your own. Everybody, I don't care who you are.

If you're a vacuum, if you're a human being. My wife knows it, it was in our vows. I love you, but I won't back you up in a street fight. In sickness and health, but not rumble. That's right. knows it it was in our vows i love you but i won't back you up in a street fight in sickness and health but not rumble that's right so your wife is a uh an old-time street uh thrasher right yeah she's uh she likes to mix it up uh she's uh she likes to trash talk people cauliflower ears yeah she's. That's right. And a button nose.

That's why it's made out of coal. They should have put cauliflower ears on. That would be so great. Carrot nose, cauliflower ears. Yeah. That does make all the sense in the world. Oh, man. That could be a very UFC Christmas.

All the UFC guys putting cauliflower ears and stuff. Even if it's in the right color. Yeah, totally. It works. It's a new tradition, you guys. Broccoli mustache? No. Broccoli mustache.

That's not a thing, is it? No. Cauliflower ear is a thing. Is there any other vegetable things? Not only is broccoli mustache not a thing, it would not work on a snowman. I don't think that the stem is long enough to... Maybe a broccolini oh yeah broccolini do you ever see the movie enough starring jennifer lopez yes where she cut her hair short yes that's right or just probably put on a wig yeah if we're honest um there's a there's a weird moment in that movie where this older lady is playing her

neighbor in the film okay j-lo comes home with j-lo who's that what's that who's j-lo jennifer lopez oh okay yes i'm trying to save some time okay well sorry um she uh she brings some groceries to this woman and the woman that's stuck in my brain and the brain of my friend forever. We still quote this to each other. This woman is looking at the groceries and says to Jennifer Lopez, oh, you brought the broccolini. I never had heard of broccolini before. I didn't know it was a thing. So you thought it was made up by the screenwriters?

No, I think I knew that it was a real thing. Yeah. I think I knew I was discovering something. Now that we're talking about it, I'm not sure I know what it is. It's like a thin-stemmed broccoli with not very many bushes. I think it's a broccoli that looks like an asparagus. Okay. Whoa.

It's like the Easy Spirit pump that feels like a sneaker. I don't know what that means. Was it called Easy Spirit? Easy Spirit. It was a line of lady shoes. Yeah, and in the commercials, the ladies would be playing basketball in... Wow. Did we talk about this recently?

Because we were talking about how... Impossible. Because I was always confused by it, because I saw these commercials for pumps. It was around the time that Reebok had pumps, which were sneakers. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And so, oh, boy. The Reebok pump was a pump that was in a sneaker, and the Easy Spirit was essentially a sneaker that was in a pump so the the words conceit of the ad wasn't that you should play basketball that you could play

basketball because that would that would scuff up a court they were i think they were using a bit of poetic license and saying i don't like you could practically play basketball in them but was it a thing yeah it was street. They were on asphalt. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see? That's my own assumption, that if you have money enough to buy these fancy pumps, you're indoor basketball players. Sure.

They had a beautiful song. Looks like a pump. Feels like a sneaker. Looks like a pump. Feels like a sneaker. She really, on the second part, she really was feeling it yeah she was proving that she could sing that she wasn't lip-syncing she's like i'm gonna go up on this uh and what was is does that company still exist i don't know they don't i can't even think of like

are there any commercials for women's shoes other than like for pay less or for like shoe stores but like i see ads for monolo blonic who's she this mystery oh you know what i miss those commercials like this really where they would where people are utterly captivated by another person who is, you know, using whatever product it is. Like, wow, that person sure is an amazing human being. Why am I not like them? Like, is that like a teeth whitener or something like that or some kind of hair product? It could be anything.

That was just a thing that was in vogue in advertising for a while where like they were really really subtle the idea that you'd walk down the street you know wearing this shirt or something and people would be like dropping their ice cream cones or something there were never ads for a shirt walking into traffic why not are you kidding me there must have been some men's shirt that was some cool thing. Yeah. Ooh, what's he all about? Yeah, who's he with? An ad for T-shirts. For novelty T-shirts.

Well, like... I'm with stupid. Isn't there a teeth whitening commercial? I'm not as thick as you drunk guys. I'm sorry, Graham. I cut you off. Please go. There's a teeth whitening commercial where...

Please go on with your story. This lady's... I will not interrupt you again. Oh, man. This is great. This... Bye, guys. Yeah. Bye forever. that was it for me yeah um i squandered my last bits of life on that dumb bit it was worth it yeah at least we were rolling yeah he died doing what he loved interrupting

that's right it's kind of true uh isn't there like a teeth whitening commercial where this woman asks uh her friend like hey do you want to go on a road trip and then she looks in the mirror at her teeth and goes and then it's all about like it only takes an hour you know that time that they're on the road trip oh for her teeth to be whitened road trip yeah and then she gets somewhere and this guy goes he goes like hey where are you going she's like i think we're here and it's all about her teeth but she can't go on a road trip because her teeth are brown hey where are you going don't forget to hang your food in a tree or the bears will eat it where do they end up he's a park ranger yeah they go to yosemite national park yeah but she was afraid to go

without uh without her teeth being bright white right now you guys must have it must be lousy with national parks up here right oh yeah like campgrounds and things like that five miles long is what i heard there's a captain lady well it's kilometers up here but yeah there's both both are featured in the song. Okay, good. Well, the Camptown Races are five miles long. Duda. Duda.

Duda. Yeah. Oh, and it's the Camptown Ladies who are singing this song about them. Oh, the Duda Day. All the Duda Day. Yeah. It's not as old as the Duda Day. That was a big thing in old songs was that people would be singing them all day.

Or like, I've been working on the railroad. All the live long day. She'll be coming around the mountain all day long. All day long. Yeah, we got national parks. Do you go to them? Never. I mean, let me think.

Never. Do we have provincial parks? Or is it just... Is it just one... Like, you have state parks and national parks? Yes. Oh, you were thinking like, oh, these parks are very provincial. The commoners.

I only know that as a pejorative. That word. I'm sure I've been to some you know by accident yeah banff national yeah i've been there lake louise i'm sure is one yeah uh there's got to be tons of them in british columbia i'm sure i'm sure i've been to some you know vancouver island hey look probably you you this place you just walked you gigabyte gigabytes you got married on an island of some i did where there was a murder yeah yeah yeah yeah then abducted in retrospect this terrible um yeah that was great do you want to talk about it i think we've covered it

no i didn't want i just okay remember you brought you br about it? I think we've covered it. No, I didn't want to. I just remembered. You brung it up. I brought up national parks. I was just wondering if you guys partook of the bounty of your land. When we were in New York at the end of last year. City or state? State. Both.

Named it twice. Province. And we asked everybody, hey, what do you do while you're in New York City? Everybody kept telling us to walk on this greenway where they're like, oh, it's like walking in a park in the city. Walk the green mile. And we're like, well, that's all we have in Canada. We only have a park in the city. It's kind of centrally located.

Oh, the High Line. Is that what it was called? The High Line, yeah. They said, walk down this. It's like walking in a park in the city. And we're like, that's all we have. That's all we have. Yeah.

We only have parks. We came here to, you know, see cement ponds and swimming pools. Yeah. Yeah. Pool tables and fancy dining tables. Have you ever eaten on a pool table? Because that seems like it would be a lot of fun. No, but you know what?

I remembered recently that I fell asleep on a pool table? Because that seems like it'd be a lot of fun. No, but you know what? I remembered recently that I fell asleep on a pool table once. When I wore a younger man's clothes. And this bar that I used to live on top of in Philadelphia. Okay. And I don't know what made me think of this, but I flashed all of a sudden this picture in my mind, an actual photograph that was taken of me having passed out on top of this pool table were you uh woken up by people like we got the next game like putting a dollar down no i was woken up by people laughing in a mocking fashion my so-called friends the next morning or that same no no thankfully i was not left to moulder there

on the pool table overnight. This was like a lock-in. This was after hours we were partying. Membership has its privileges when you know the bartender. And you were pooped, so you climbed up on the pool table. I was just awful tired. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I was just awful tired.

Hanging out with your friends, getting tired. You know what? Drinking pretty much a case of beer is really exhausting work. And I just had to lay down for a little bit from the exhaustion. You've earned it. Yeah. I felt like I had. Oh, wow. I was drinking all the live long day.

Now, you said you're going to go to London. That's exactly what I said. And you said you haven't been there forever and ever. I have not been there since 2004 when I did the Kelsey Grammar Presents the Sketch Show. Wait for the listeners to finish applauding. That was a not very successful sketch comedy show that I did for the Fox Television Network. What was the thing? Was he in every sketch?

No. Oh. His company produced it and he would be grammar fraser core yeah toss salad and scrambled eggs and associates yes grammar core flies over poor countries and they uh drop uh parachute uh crates of fraser d. And sometimes he falls off the plane. That's right. The plane doors are always slamming. People are misunderstanding things.

His company produced it, and it would appear in the opening and closing sketches. Okay. But he doesn't seem like a very elastic performer. He's a rubber face. Well, luckily the sketches were not very elastic in terms of humor. And they were very punny. There were a lot of puns. And it was a British show?

It was based on a British show. We used a lot of their same scripts. Oh, really? Yeah. So the idea was like it was sort of... Who presented it in Britain? in britain no one presented itself it was self-evident in britain um it did not need a coming out party like it did here in america or there in america i should say right north america but it uh it did not do i think we shot six episodes and I think two of them aired. Who else was in the cast?

Caitlin Olsen from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Very funny. Marilyn Rice Cub from 24. And she and I, of course, have worked together on Mr. Show many years before. before and uh a young uh actor named malcolm barrett who i don't know if he's a regular on anything right now but he's he was on um better off ted which was a short-lived show on abc and he's he's but he works pretty steadily and uh a british comedian named lee mack who was on the original sketch yes uh so that's a powerhouse cast, and I didn't... And grammar. Oh, yeah.

And don't forget about Kelsey Grammer! KG. Did he play Fraser in every sketch? Because that's the only thing he's done, right? Because he's played Fraser. Oh, and he played Beast. Beast, yeah. He was basically Blue Fraser. Blue Fraser. Whoa, whoa.

He, uh, he... Like, the sketches were just, like, blackout sketches. It would just be. So everyone gets drunk. Quick joke. Everyone gets drunk falsely with a pool table. And they don't remember what happened. It would be, like, it was almost like Laugh-In, where it was, like, quick, you know. Oh, okay.

It would, like, be one joke and out, you know, was the idea. I like that. Except for Lee Mack's sketches, which would be these longer pieces that he was the star of. He was very shrewd because he did this on the original show and then did this on the American adaptation where every other sketch was people just in service of this one joke. And then Lee's sketches were in service of Lee. So they were like longer and it was like him doing like these set pieces and everything. So it worked very well for him. Yeah.

But not for everybody else. No. And good for him. But. That was smart. Yeah. And does he have his own show over there now? Probably.

He's had many shows. I don't know if he's still doing it. I haven't talked to him in a while, but he was doing a radio show that he really loved doing. Because radio is still very big there and kind of prestigious still in a way that it's not in the States. I don't know what it's like here. Dave works for our national broadcaster. Yeah, apparently people listen to that. I don't.

You're kind of a top 40 guy. Yeah. Whatever's on the radio I listen to. Yeah. But you're excited to go back to Britain. Yes, I am. I'm looking forward. This will be my stand-up debut in London.

It's going to be great. Blitz and Blunt. We'll see. Blitz and Blunt is what I'm calling forward to it. This will be my stand-up debut in London. It's going to be great. Blitz and Blunt. We'll see. Blitz and Blunt is what I'm calling the show. And what else is going on? Tell us all about it. Ah, damn it, Graham. Yeah, you're reeling in the Pierce Morgan hot seat.

That question is out of Pierce Morgan's handbook. What else is going on? Did you guys see Pierce Morgan's handbook? No. It's a great film. It's about people with mental illness asking each other questions. What else is going on?

You guys love him in America. He's the top guy. He's all we think about. Yeah. He's a national treasure. He's dreamy. He got's all we think about. Yeah. He's a national treasure. He's dreamy. He got in a fight with a gun nut. Yeah, there was a move to deport him.

What did he do? I guess he was criticizing our gun policies. Oh, wow. And our gun practices of shooting people all the time. And people were calling for him to there was a fringe group that was calling for him to be deported from not shot no yeah that would have been of course that's secretly what they wanted to do yeah well they wanted to deport him via shooting him out of a case maybe they thought that's what deported meant like clearly he will

die yeah like we're gonna dispatch. We'll deport him to death. I always wondered about that when, like, you hear about a leader who's been deposed and then they get exiled. Like, what is that? Like, is it a bad life? Like, when Napoleon is on Elba. Yeah, Elba seems nice. Yeah. Like, a nice place to retire. Yeah. I think if you're exiled, the deal is you will kind of get to live out your days in a nice way, but you will no longer be a dictatorial monster of these people.

That seems like a really sweet deal. Is that what Gerard Depardieu got? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he deported? He was exiled. He was exiled. Yeah. Unless it's Siberia. What happened with Gerard Depardieu?

Is he not allowed in France anymore? Yeah. He renounced his uh french citizenship oh and his accent to give that up too sure um because of a tax thing okay so what's he a citizen of is he a man without a country he went to russia russia was like we will we will take the great gerard devardue and so he uh in a very like flashy ceremony with like traditional russian outfits and dancers and the military and all this tattoo yeah yeah lazily smooched each other yeah we're still doing this well russia's gonna host the winter olympics in um one year from yes that seems too

wintry right too much but like what kind of god is that the only pop musicians they have like who tattoo who can play at the opening ceremony dolph lundgren he's swedish only played a russian yeah but you know like think that those ceremonies, they kind of grab at just anything, right? Unless they're a country that actually has good people. Well, what else could they, you know, I think they have famous, like, an orchestra, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Sure. They're going to do all their Christmas hits.

The Trans-Siberian Orchestra was not siberian at birth but they had an operation felicity huffman was involved i don't know who else is uh some some famous violinists surely yeah probably they might do Yeah, probably. Surely who? Wow. Not bad. Not bad at all. Not good. They might do some musical chess. Yeah. Or they might do the musical chess. Sure.

Bangkok. Oriental City. Russia. I bet you, how much do you want to bet, and just a friendly wager, that there will be something Tetris themed during the opening ceremony? Oh, a balalaika orchestra doing whatever that song is. The Tetris themed song? I used to know the name of it.

The name of the... It has a name? The Tetris theme song? Koribineki, I believe is what it's called. Wow. Why is it called something? Because it was the number one hit in Russia. Yeah.

For the last 500 years is it uh it's a popular ringtone oh yeah absolutely no there was a uh southern californian power pop band called osma who did a cover of it i'm off board yeah yeah yeah you asked i answered but wouldn't that be something? Wait, did I ask that? Why? Why is it called that? Oh, wait a minute! Dave did this last week where he impersonated John Doerr on the mic.

I don't like this at all. Wait, did we sound alike? I haven't listened to last week's episode yet. But, no, he's very good. You're not wearing your headphones, but that was PP. You know what? Fair enough. I saw the movie Pitch Perfect. I saw it too. I greatly enjoyed it.

I gave it like a six and a half. I laughed a lot during the movie. It had some solid bits, but it was no bring it on. I felt like it was in the mold of a bring it on, but I prefer bring it on. I see. Well, to the mold of a bring it on, but I prefer bring it on. Yeah. I see.

Well, to each his own. This has been Dave and Paul's movie. But I really like that Rebel Wilson. Yeah, she was very funny. I like her in everything. The two things I've seen her in. You've seen her in that? And Bridesmaids.

Bridesmaids. Where she poured peas on herself. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. She's great. She's Australian? She's Australian, allegedly. No, for real. Okay. She's great. She's Australian? She's Australian, allegedly. No, for real.

Okay. She's trans-Australian. Yeah, she's trans-Australian. She always felt that she was Australian. Born in a Tasmanian spot. Yeah. Technically, same country. Dave, you're dumb.

Tasmania is the Hong Kong of Australia, right? It's the Siberia. There's trans-Tasmanian. Oh oh it kind of is right yeah that is where they would send bad people to tag and devils how can you tell in australia exactly now uh the devil that you say yeah the devil i say the devil that the new jersey devils is named after isn't a Tasmanian devil, right? No. It's a different type of devil. Yes. But it's not the Satan devil. No.

No, a Tasmanian devil is a real animal. Yeah. The New Jersey devil. It spins around. The New Jersey devil or Jersey devil for the locals. The Jersey devil, yes. I believe is like a Sasquatch, like an urban legend. Yes, it's a creature like that, yes.

It's a cryptozoological creature. Yes, that's a creature like that, yes. It's a cryptozoological creature? Yes, that's correct. But why is the symbol of the New Jersey Devils is like a devil? It's got horns and a spiky tail. Yeah, and a J. Yeah, but is that what the Jersey Devil looks like? It's got a tail with a point? No, it does not look like a costume devil.

What does it look like? A Halloween costume devil. It's just a guy in a costume and a J. I believe it. It's a very fearsome looking creature like a tasmanian devil are you get off the two types of devil that you know also there's a third devil ham that's the same as the halloween costume oh yeah right deviled eggs that's a different thing devil ham ham? Does it come in a container with a little devil guy on the can?

Yeah. Okay. But deviled eggs don't have anything to do with the devil. No. I don't think. No, I don't. Why are they called deviled eggs? I don't know.

They are. I don't know. I never thought you'd question that before. A deviled egg is like a hard-boiled egg. Yes. And they take out the yolk and they... Cream it up. They saladize it, they paprika it, and they spray it back

into the hole. Like a devil would do. That's the work of the devils. I only had a deviled egg for the first time in the last handful of years, and guess what? They're pretty good. I don't know why I waited so long. They're delicious.

Oh, yeah. But To make it is like Well who would make it? That's for other people to do That's for the caterer That's right I just had a pickled egg for the first time And it was great That can't be so Oh I have four or five a day now

That's not good You shouldn't have four or five any kind of eggs a day. Yeah, I'm on a deviled egg story. Pickled egg. No, I've never had a pickled egg. Really? I've had pickled other things. Asparagus.

I've had a pickle. Pickled cucumber, I call it. Pickled radish. Put it on your taco. What? What? Okay, alright. Pickled radish? Why would you put it on your taco what yeah okay all right wow is it pickled radish why would you put a taco there's a pickled something that you put on a taco don't do it it's it's a muy autentico abandonsa

tetris nostrovia Dave Yeah What is going on with you? Here's what's going on with me The Vancouver That does about sum it up for me Does it?

Yes Okay, alright Deviled eggs That's right Devils And Kelsey Grammer We're up to date The Holy Trinity

Here's what's going on with me You guys You guys It's gravel. It's not Devil's Eggs. Go ahead. Right now, the Vancouver Boat Show is on, and... What?

What are we doing here? I can't believe they scheduled the comedy festival and the boat show on the same weekend. I didn't pack my yachting cap. Oh, I had a question, Paul. Never mind. Vancouver Boat Show. Why did that make me feel insulted? I had a question, Paul.

Never mind. Like the idea of like, who would ever have a question for you? Okay, do you want me to ask this question? Yes, I do. It's from a listener. Oh, this is fun. Is it time for listener questions? Yeah, absolutely.

Play the theme. Paul, now you're a guy who dresses up. You like to wear maybe a dinner jacket from time to time. When a situation calls for it. Yeah. Dinner time. Do you? Every day.

Yeah. Every day at 6 o'clock. Yeah. Has anyone, like, seen the way you're dressed and said oh you look really good very gangnam style wow is this really a question from all the stars from i listen to the show no no one has ever proclaimed my style to be gangnam do you feel that's plus minus can i also say very few people uh say uh complimentary things what they like to do is come up with a funny comparison uh to um an unflattering thing do you not get that that's what i was doing oh no i get what that that you're doing that all the

time dave uh but but that that is a uh that's a very it it sometimes it strikes me that wouldn't it be easier just to say hey look you're dressed really nicely or just to say nothing yeah or just to say nothing which is always an option but i have a friend who no matter what i wear he will make some uh jokey comment about my outfit even though he actually doesn't dress that differently than i do and he's a guy that he like will sometimes wear very flamboyantly preppy clothes like golf stuff like you know pants with weird patterns and stuff like that you're friends with pain stew Stewart. Who's that? He's a golfer. I don't think... Is he dead? Who wore culottes or bloomers or whatever. The short pants.

Oh, knickers? Knickers, sure. Culottes? Not culottes. Who's the guy that was... The golfer that's like... He's like the fat, like he smoked cigarettes. John Daly?

John Daly. Thank you. He smoked cigarettes while he golfed? Yeah, and he would show up hungover. He's like the Butterbean of golf. He's the Butterbean. They would have him show up and like golf

against an alligator. Dave, I feel like Butterbean is never far from your thoughts. Nope. And remember, you're my thoughts not my prayers um you were going on about your going on so i have this i have this friend who uh even though he dresses actually in some ways more flamboyantly than i do always has to make a joke comment about the way i dress and i never and i i want to say to him like you should understand that i think i look nice i'm not i'm not like i'm not walking out thinking i can't wait till people like catch on that i'm dressed like a human cartoon i can't wait

but what kind of stuff does he like what what are the references that he's making like when he makes funny oh i i was wearing like a a blue blazer and some uh like khaki pants and like i think a pink oxford shirt and i forget what comment he made but it's like a totally innocuous outfit and i knew i was gonna see him like is he gonna figure out he's gonna figure out some comment to make right right? And he did. And I can't remember what it was. And it was a stretch. Even for him, it was almost like a duty that he had. Like, oh, I've got to say something about this. He expects it now.

I'd be letting him down. Okay, so the boat show is in town. What? To get back on topic. And on TV this week, they did, I guess they were promoting the boat show.

Oh, television. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm very familiar with it. On the morning news, they had this feature on the boat show.

They were promoting one of the things happening at the boat show and it was a wakeboarding dog. Oh, I saw it saw he was wearing goggles yeah yeah did you see the segment i saw it on the front page of the newspaper what yeah it's been a slow news weekend here in vancouver because on friday it was a picture of a dog on a wakeboard and i can't remember what it was yesterday but today is the 14 most eligible bachelors in

vancouver all right oh where are we on it congratulations on your uh zero percent crime rate oh is that right it must be right if the front page is a wakeboarding dog um that's actually that right oh is that? Zero percent crime rate? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you heard about a murder yesterday. But you know what? That doesn't move papers here at Vancouver. Wakeboarding dogs. Handsome bachelors. These are the things people are interested in.

What if they started reporting about what is inside the murder victim's pockets? Because I would be... I would find that interesting. Kind of like Jenny Jones's purse check. Do you remember that? No, I sure don't. That was a segment she did on her show. She'd say, like, if anybody has an apple, you would get...

Like, let's make a deal? Monty Hall, yeah. Yeah, like Monty Hall. Yeah. She was our Monty Hall. Sure. Jenny Jones. When you said Jenny Jones at first, I thought you meant Jenny Craig.

And I was like, who's got a sandwich? Throw it out. Who's got a Dagwood sandwich? Yeah, you shouldn't have that. I'm shaming you. You fatsoes. So why does she use that word so much? It works. Yeah, it works.

You can't argue with the results. Yeah, that's right. Most of Jenny Craig is being called a fatso until you stop eating so much. They're just sending you daily emails. Yeah. You get your macaroni and cheese dinner that you heat up in the microwave, but then also the letter comes with it

calling you a fatso. Remember why you're eating this. Put this on high for three minutes, fatso. When you join, they give you one of those cookie jars that when you open it up, it snorts. It oinks.

Yeah. Snorts. Okay. Dog on a wakeboard yeah with goggles with goggles which which do you think the dog hates more being made to wakeboard or being made to wear the dog the dog is fantastic it's a little jack russell he's very patient he or she i don't i didn't catch it yeah uh it's 2013 doesn't matter um and before they're teasing the segment before they show that we got that we've got this wakeboarding dog coming up of course they're in the tv studio so the the wakeboard is on wheels oh so it's uh so the uh it's a guy with like a i i beg your pardon. So they show some footage of the dog actually wakeboarding, right?

And then the big thing that you're supposed to be sticking around for is to see this dog in the studio? Yes. But except for the first part, at no point did they show any footage of the dog actually wakeboarding. What? Wow. That's outrageous. So they're teasing this segment. Backstage, there's this dog wakeboarding

on wheels. It's a powered thing, like a remote control car. Dave, I honestly am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that they had no footage of the dog wakeboarding. Do we have a clip? Nope.

The thing is, they brought on this guy this segment was way too long because this guy because they start talking to the guy who owns the dog and trains yeah uh uh and they say uh hey gentlemen uh coming up in a bit we've got this dog and like they he introduces the dog the dog then he he he takes out his remote control the dog doesn't even start the segment with him they do like a minute of talking to this guy who's a complete zero uh and they uh did he at least have a shirt that said like i wonder the way who's that zero? Short commercial. And he, the dog comes out. Dog sits perfectly still, which is fantastic.

Like, that's how he's such a great wakeboarder. He's very patient. Paul, can I get you to take off your headphones? They're clicking a bit into the microphone. Oh, I do apologize, Your Majesty. You'll find you say that a lot in England. And so they actually, while they're talking to this guy, they bring out the dog and then they throw the footage. They throw the footage of the dog on wheels. When was this shot?

It was like in a parking lot early. That's what it says on the footage. Earlier. And so they run out of things to talk about. Yeah, no kidding. At the boat show, I only know

because while I'm watching it, I google the dog and there's plenty of footage of the dog on the internet. But they know because while i'm watching it i google the dog and there's plenty of footage of the dog on the internet but they can get the rights to it you don't know the dog wouldn't sign the release you can't put his paw on the thing uh and he it uses like an indoor swimming pool and just goes around in a circle sure towed by a little boat it's very cute oh man that's that's great uh and so the dog's wearing the dog's wearing goggles and a helmet and they run out of stuff to talk about and the host can protect his tiny brain the host says yeah yeah what if that dog got brain damage

they're like six minutes into the segment and the host is like so six minutes the producer's standing there stretch the squirrel canceled well that comes up later oh my god the host says uh where oh those are some nice uh goggles and helmet were were they hard to get and the guy says well you can get the goggles anywhere they're called doggles and that's true you can get them at any pet store that's true oh that's true you can get them at any pet store but the helmet that was that was pretty hard hard. It was a little harder. I had to Google dog helmet.

This guy doesn't even have an anecdote to go through. With the goggles, I already had that information in my head. I knew where to find them. Dog helmet? I had to go to Google. And he used those two words. And the first thing that came up. And then they asked.

The second thing that came up was and then they asked the second thing that came up was a helmet made out of dogs um and then the next thing they asked was uh so uh uh do you feel uh like you you're giving some competition to that so do you feel like 10 minutes has gone by and we can move on do you feel like you're giving some competition to that water-skiing squirrel? And the guy says, actually, the squirrel was a big inspiration for us. For us! Oh, my God. My dog wanted to chase that squirrel, and I was like, you get on a wakeboard.

Yeah. Squirrel was a big inspiration for us. Well, he speaks for a lot of people exactly he spoke out against a lot of evils oh wow six minutes seven minutes i like i it felt like an eternity yeah the gall front page news yeah front page squirrel 14 eligible bachelors how many pages do you think will go by when you are Googling dog helmet before you see a picture of Dog the Bounty Hunter wearing a helmet? I hope not many. Although he doesn't seem like a guy who conforms to those type of rules.

Yeah. But he'd come to them. That's true. What kids? Racist kids. Yeah. well kids would come to him that's true what kids racist kids yeah uh he doesn't i don't because he's got that he's got like a real specific kind of flip yeah a pompa mullet he's got gorgeous hair so i can understand why he doesn't want to put a helmet on it do you think that's why so many people are against helmet laws not because it it's the government telling you what to do, but because they're vain about their hair? Yeah.

A lot of bikers have beautiful hair. It's one of, I have a list of reasons that I don't ride a bicycle, but having to wear a helmet by law is one of them. Is this a list you keep on you at all times? Can I see the list? I left it with the water skiing squirrel. He's a big inspiration, actually. He's not in town. Why isn't he here for the boat show?

The boat show can't afford him. Oh, wow. So, man, is it over today, the boat show? I don't know. I didn't know that that was... I didn't know those stories were connected. Oh. Water skiing or wakeboarding dog yeah saves child

yeah found his head of drug ring wakeboarding dog foils terrorist plot thank god he's wearing a helmet yeah well it's the law is it a law in Los Angeles where you live that people have to wear a bicycle helmet? Indoors? I think that it is. I know for motorcycles, definitely.

Yeah. I think bike helmets are the law. You used to be able to wear on a motorcycle here, what do they call it? Those little tiny skull. Oh, yeah. That just covers the top part of your head. Yeah. And they're very thin.

They're wafer thin. And they're not really helmets. They're only to make you look tough. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And mission accomplished. Yeah.

Can you wear the one with the spike on top? The German... Yeah. That's the most safe of all. Because you might just stick in the asphalt. Then everyone has a good laugh. Yeah. But your brain also gets scrambled at the same time.

There's a lot of force required. But then you can take a wakeboarding, because now you're dumb as a damn dog. Wakeboarding coma? For a person in a coma that just gets on a wakeboard put goggles on him it would be the same right it would be the same as the dog all the dog is doing when he's quote wakeboarding

is not jumping off the wakeboard the dog could be stuffed that's probably why they didn't have any food during the segment was he just sitting perfectly still? He was very well behaved. This dog is not alive.

Maybe his head moved a bit, but his body did not. That can also be remote controlled. We don't know what that guy has access to, control-wise. Maybe someone else is controlling the wakeboard, and this guy is just controlling the head. They should have done a close-up on the buttons. They only had one camera. Head, left, right. Shake a paw.

Yeah, and then there's just a button that says wakeboard. It's the center button. So that's what's up with me. How about yourself, Graham? Yeah, Graham, how do you like it? I like it a lot. A few days ago, I was... This happens every time that i like book to do a show anywhere somebody will say hey send us a headshot and bio right even if i've done a show there before

or we all dozens of throw it away as soon as you leave we don't expect to have you back somebody here likes you it's not me and i want to make it clear that it was not me uh so and i have a website so i say just go to the website and uh yeah who's asking for they want you to bring like a hard copy of a picture no they want me to email a picture and a bio but i'm like oh the picture i would send you and the bio that I would send you is at my website. Just cut and paste it. Or grab an unflattering photo of me that I wish wasn't online, which is what everyone else seems to do. A picture of you asleep on a pool table.

Yeah. Coming soon. I would go see that show. Hey, how come you're not sleeping on the pool table? The pool table guy yeah that when you show up to do a sound check they're like wow we got the pool tables all clear for you here's a pillow yeah we don't know if you used one or not yeah do you bring your own nightcap yeah blow a candle good night everybody and just sleep there for 45 minutes that's the beginning of the show

I fall asleep I like it so I was I said oh you can grab it from my website and then they wrote back and said what is your website and I wrote back butt.com

like b-u-t-t and then I was like I wonder if butt.com is an actual website and so i put it in the search bar and it's available for sale oh well there you go yeah you better grab it yeah i sent an email to the company and asked uh what how much what what uh yeah well what how much for that butt and And they haven't written back to me yet. What? How dare they? I know.

Was this a while ago that you wrote them? This was a week and a half ago. Oh, wow. Okay. Still nothing. That's bad business. Well, and I feel like you shouldn't be able to just park on a website and then say- Yeah, squat.

And say that it's for sale and then when somebody asks to buy it you just don't write back to them it's bad business but also butt.com is available for sale and by the same company because I went to their website of what ones

they have for sale also p.com is for sale you should report them to the better business bureau Ones they have for sale. What, what? Also, P.com is for sale. Oh, really? Yeah. You should report them to the Better Business Bureau. Yeah. Well, I don't know how. He also has that website for sale. But yeah, Butt.com.

I just want that to be what appears on a poster for me at a show. Owner of Butt.com. I'm just wondering. Butt.com's Graham Clark. Exactly.com's graham clark exactly did the gig ever get back to you about uh so seriously what's your actual website and i have to write yeah yeah they're at grahamclark.com yeah there was no uh it was not the not a lot of fun yeah exactly right there's a blues guy who's graham clark right uh there's a jazz violinist and an opera singer and a prominent football player from England.

There might also be a blues guy. Yeah. Somebody owned, I think it was the opera singer that owned GrahamClark.com before I bought it. And there are- How much did it cost you? I'm sorry, Dave. I think it was like- Do you not want to say anything?

No, it was over $1,000. Wow. Yeah. But now it's yours for life. Yeah, until I switch it over to butt.com. Then grahamclark.com could go to hell. Oh, who has grahamclarkandgotohell.com? For sale, guys.

Gotta go, daddy. Davechamka.com was free. Really? Yeah, you get it with butt.com. Wait, it's you! It won't reply to emails. But why, I guess, yeah, why would you own something like that and then say it's for sale? Absolutely.

I own a lot of properties. Yeah, trying to get dinner reservations. The owner of butt.com is trying to get a table tonight at Spago. He's having a meeting here to discuss buying boob.com. It's a merger. I have boob.org. I own over 700 domains. So I think

I know that I had an open table reservation here. I own opentablereservation.com. The open table people are furious at me. Open Table is a fantastic service, guys. I use it. Do you use it? Yeah, I use it.

What is it? It's a hotel. Graham! You don't know what Open Table is? Look, I'm really busy at Butt.com. I've been buried over there. It's just that you can get Dinner reservations Instead of having to call up

Some surly hostess The worst Hello how may I help you That's what they like And then you're like can I have a table for four And they're like four o'clock Or four people There's two of them on the line

They really pile on you we're twins that's why we sound alike like all twins do yeah we can't make a reservation for four what about three and one wakeboarding dog oh yes of course there there are restaurants in Los Angeles. I don't know. I feel like I just don't see this anywhere else. But restaurants in Los Angeles where there's a lot of outdoor patios in the front of the restaurant where you will see people sitting there with their dogs at a table. What?

Like the dogs up on the chair? Sometimes the dogs are on the street, as should be yeah sometimes they're sitting in a chair i don't i don't i don't get it like i really authentically don't i get dogs i get dog ownership i love dogs but i don't get it i don't get why you would want a dog up at your there's a weird eating yeah there's a weird entitled thing in la that people experience with their dogs where they have raised them to the level of children. And they feel like, because I feel this way about my dog, everyone must feel this way about my dog. And they take their dogs everywhere they go. It's like some places are not dog places.

I feel like airplanes are weird when people bring a dog on an airplane. Stop right there. Oh, they are weird. Yeah, yeah. How are we doing? Well, we shouldn't be there. Oh, they are weird. Yeah, yeah. How are we doing? Well, we shouldn't be flying. Everything about them is strange. Yeah, absolutely.

But when did that happen that people were allowed to bring dogs on a plane? That feels like it didn't exist, and then all of a sudden everybody... What about snakes on a plane? I'm fine with that. Still not allowed. Still not allowed. Did you guys read about that one snake that was in the engine of the plane? The Australian flight?

And came out on the wing? Like a gremlin? No! During the flight... Was William Shatner looking out the window? Yeah, it was! He complained... Somebody said to the flight attendant, I think there's a... There's a snake

on the plane! Out there on the way. And then the stardust was like, no. No. No. This reenactment is incredible. But the snake had gotten in there while it was grounded, obviously. And Wes tried to came out on the wing. had gotten in there while it was grounded, obviously. And was

tried to, came out on the wing. And was like trying to hold and held on, but died because of exposure. Yeah, it was trying to strangle the wing. Wait! So it was able to not just get thrown off by... That's right, yeah.

Held on till they landed. But died of exposure. Yeah. Because it's a snake and they get cold and you're up in the sky. Yeah, check it. See.

It's too bad that the snake couldn't... did not have the capacity to be going, whoa! Because I bet it wanted to. Maybe that's what killed it. It was the inability

to comically bellow. To take advantage. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna fall. Maybe that's what killed it. It was the inability to comically bellow. To take advantage. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to fall. No, I'm just kidding. I'm all right. I wonder what the hissing sounded like, though. Because it must have been hissing like crazy.

You would think that a big... It's big. It's not like it was a tiny snake. It could have inhaled a bunch of air, right? And gotten huge and then sailed down like a balloon. Guys, I don't know anything about biology. But they can stretch, right, and gotten huge and then sailed down like a balloon. Guys, I don't know anything about biology. But they can stretch, right? They can eat a whole,

you know, like a cat or something. Or a watermelon, yeah. Or a watermelon, absolutely. Big three-course meal. Cat, watermelon. Pizza. Yeah. Sure. For dessert. But does the pizza just stay as like a round? Yep. That's right. Like they just eat the whole thing. Eat the box. It's a big square.

Sometimes they just the entire pieces. So it's just a bunch of little triangles. Yeah. And then they can't walk anywhere because the triangles get in the way. And also because they don't have legs. Oh. Touché. I think once they eat something big, they're out of commission for a while.

Yeah. Like they can't. This one was trying to eat a whole plane. Oh. Stupid snake. It must be. Do you think that crossed that snake's mind? Like, they can't... This one was trying to eat a whole plane. Oh, stupid snake. It must be... Do you think that crossed that snake's mind?

Like, what if I eat this thing? Then I'll be back on the ground again. Yeah, I know. I'll eat my way out. That's how I solve all my problems. Yeah.

You big fatso. So do we want to move on to Overhertz? Let's. All right. Brought to you by Butt.com. Overherds are brought to you by Butt.com. Overherds.

Things that perhaps you're out walking around the world. Now, Graham, before we move on to Overherards, it's time for a brand new monthly feature on the show. My favorite segment. Exciting. Things I've learned from Flex Magazine. Yay! Oh, I cannot wait.

Oh, wait, no, the title is Lessons Learned from Flex Magazine. Look at that cover. Flex Magazine. I don't know Flex magazine. Look at that cover. Yeah. Yeah. Flex magazine. Look, I don't know. We know. It's gross. Yeah, it's gross.

This is what we all know about Flex magazine. Yeah. It's gross. You don't need me to tell you that. This guy's nickname is Raisin in the Sun. For the uninitiated, for Christmas this past year, Graham and I exchanged gifts, and Graham got me a... What would you call it? A subscription?

Yeah, but if it's... I thought that was the word that he was reaching for. Like a... Just something I really didn't want. A gag subscription. An albatross. An albatross, sure, yeah. And here's your update so far.

This week I received my first issue of what's apparently called Joe Wider's Flex Magazine. Okay. Available online at butt.com. Yeah. And I believe this first issue, none of my neighbors saw it okay we share mailboxes so i think i'm good uh as of yet yep uh and hold on a second yeah i like the idea that your neighbors would see this and they would think he is going to start a crazy-ass workout regimen,

and he's going to end up looking like the guys on the cover of this magazine. Oh, and just the cover. And then after a year goes by, and you still look like you, and you're like, he's just not doing it. Or he just likes reading it. Or they're going to think that Abby got it in your name, and it's like a special magazine for her. That Abby got it in your name.

And it's like a special magazine for her. Now. Now, what's the name of the gentleman that says free what poster? Sean Roden. Okay. Oh, from Flex Magazine? Yeah. Of Flex Magazine.

Free poster. That makes me think of Dynamite Magazine. Now, you know Sean Roden. A 3D Wolfman poster. You know Sean Roden, right? Yeah, of course. You know what his nickname is. You'll tell me his nickname. Royden Roden?

That's pretty good. No, it's Flexitron. Flexitron. Oh, boy. He's more flexing machine than flexing man! These aren't even the lessons. Look, I'm ready to be interrupted. Oh, Dave!

Jesus. Quiet down, Flexitron. I really thought, like, oh, they've abandoned that thing. They're not doing that anymore. Oh, no. We be doing it. A little segment called Hulk Hogan News. Oh, this week we have a theme song

for Hulk Hogan News. This one, well, why don't we just play it? Yeah. It's Hulk Hogan News. It's Hulk Hogan News He's got very strong arms And he wears a bad time He sometimes has nipples He's got a big mustache

He always has nipples Amazing That was great That was really great That was great. That was really great. That was sent in by Jason B. Jason B. with the Hulk Hogan News. Jason B., great work, and I respect your anonymity. Yep. Remix.

We don't want to... Could be on the run from Flexitron. In 2012, Flexitron was dispatched to the past you can't catch um so this uh this is ram yes shut up oh no because it's time for a new segment of mine that i'm debuting on the show for the first time yeah and it is called Hat Wishes. Hat Wishes. Everyone knows how this works. Yeah, okay.

Don't even say it. We'll just enter into it then. You put your wishes into a hat. We all pull them out. If someone wishes for a different hat, the game is over. Okay. I put my wish in the hat. I put my wish in the hat my wish in the hat and there goes my wish okay all right and uh

paul if you would i will pull out the first wish yep i wish for a different hat there we go that is the end of the segment well maybe next year pray continue gentlemen um whoever we're oh we're back at hulk hogan okay so hulk hogan uh i said last week he's on a tour of the uk much like you will be yeah that's right he's also playing him so yeah i'm drafting in his wake um and he did an interview um uh where he talked about uh did an interview with a site called filmnews.co.uk. Correct. Have you tried butt.co.uk? I haven't. Race to the internet.

So Hulk Hogan told this story, and I think it's probably my favorite Hulk Hogan story that I've heard, let's say in a year, in a good year. All right. This is him just remembering this story where's say in a year in a good year all right uh this is him just remembering this story where he was in a steel cage match with a guy named big john stud in uh st louis i got ready to go to the ring and realized he didn't have his patented hulkamania t-shirt that he was gonna rip he's done that before where he accidentally ripped off his skin. His breastbone and heart were exposed.

Yeah, he was all just crazy muscle. So he said to the organizer, somebody go out there and get me a shirt from one of the fans. One of the fans is wearing them. Get me a shirt. I'll pay for it. I hope he asked nicely. I don't know.

And not in that manner. I hope he didn't just order someone. I'm a medium. A medium. Get me a medium shirt. Medium wrestler in that manner. How about you just order someone? I'm a medium. A medium. Get me a medium shirt. Medium wrestler style. So he said, go out and get me a shirt. Tell the fan I'll pay them for it. And I'll meet them after the match

and take them out for dinner. Where are they going to go without a shirt? Hogan has his street clothes to change into. This kid is just gonna be like with no shirt on that's like man some places don't let you without a tie oh man i didn't think about that you can't go to some restaurant with no shirt on yep uh so somebody he he managed uh the person managed to find a shirt brought it back uh but it was a sweatshirt not a t-shirt oh i hope someone got fired so so he said i climbed into the steel cage and as i pulled it my arms went as wide as they could go but the

sweatshirt didn't rip it just kept stretching so he said uh as he stretched it uh the guy approached him to start wrestling and the sweatshirt fell off of like fell towards his feet and he got his legs all caught up in the sweatshirt and died. That's how he died. So, I mean, that's a one in a million. He just expanded the neck hole until it dropped. Until it was it surpassed the width of his entire body.

And then it fell down like a hula hoop. At some point, Mr. Hogan Must have Held his arms in At his sides So that the sweatshirt Could wriggle down Drop

That's true Yeah I just I There's a lot going on Yeah In that I imagine it didn't have sleeves

If it was a sweatshirt Like still I was picturing a hoodie I tried to rip off The kangaroo pouch He's ripping it if it was a sweatshirt. I was picturing a hoodie. I tried to rip off the kangaroo pouch. He's ripping it one part at a time. In his defense, he's never claimed that he rips shirts. He just ruins them.

That's true. That's true. He just comes out and ruins the shirt. Whether by ripping or another method. Overstretching, perhaps. So there you go. That's a Hulk Hogan news. It sure is a Hulk Hogan news. Now it is time.

Let's get back to these lessons learned from Flex Magazine. Paul with the theme song. These lessons learned from Flex Magazine. If you're a Flexitron, please don't murder me. To all the future yeah please don't uh so here's what i've learned thus far in my uh in my training uh first and foremost this magazine's garbage yeah there's nothing there's nothing even fun about it did you

really give it a chance i went through it like three times trying to come up with this it was like oh what's just a segment i could pull out for for this thing no i think i gotta go more broad um the only sponsors of this magazine supplements yeahlements. Yeah, oh sure. It's not going to be furniture. Rosetta Stone didn't warm their way in there. If it comes in a plastic tub, like, look at this. Every single page has these same commercials. Hemo Rage.

Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hemo Rage! Are you getting enough Hemo Rage? I don't even know. You know, my doctor actually said that my hemorage levels are worryingly low. There was just an ad for steroids. They just came right out and said, anabolic steroids. They're not illegal.

Yeah, technically. The next thing I've learned is that if you took the heads off of these bodybuilders, it's beautiful because it's just one race. Oh, wait. Is that beautiful or terrible? Usually when people espouse that as a goal. Oh, wait. I meant like it's harmonious.

Uh-oh. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Boo. Ah. A big. See, you should be a guest editor for Flex Magazine, because that's a great article.

We took the heads off of these bodybuilders. Yeah. See if you can match them to the body. Look at all of them. Oh, okay. I didn't know where you were headed with that. Look at all these guys. Yeah.

Yeah. Sure. Oh, yeah. They're all these guys yeah yeah sure um they're yeah they're they're all white guys they just you can tell they're white because they haven't put as much self-tanner on their faces yeah but um without those heads you'd be it's a guessing game yeah i think that's a good this guy didn't do so much on his armpits either it's got it's weird that who wants to look like that? Who wants to look at that? I don't get it at all.

And how do you find a shirt that fits? Right? You go out into the crowd. You got to get one of those super stretchy sweatshirts. How do you eat that much food? Because that's like a lot of consumption. I feel like that's the easiest part. I feel like I'm doing that right now yeah um yeah are you getting enough rage oh just rage oh stem stem some i

forget what it was uh hemorage and the final the final lesson learned uh is that uh don't don't muscle don't ever muscle-ize your butt. Oh, good call. Wait, what was the first lesson you learned? The first lesson... Oh, if you remove the heads of people, they won't be able to race? No, that was the second lesson. Oh, I'm sorry.

The first lesson was there are supplements on every page. Oh, okay. That's a great lesson. And yeah, don't get muscly butts because a regular human butt looks better than... It ends up looking kind of like a roast beef that's been dehydrated. Oh, yeah. This is all dehydration.

That's why they're... But no fat on the butt. Now, are people dehydrating those roast beefs for travel purposes? The plural is roast beaves. I do apologize. Yeah, for travel. Because you can't have liquid in your carry on

if they squeeze out more than 3 ounces of liquid from your roast beef it's like those vacuum bags you can put all your sweaters in and wrinkle them all to shit yeah you're sous-viding your sweaters terms so that was great. Great round of segments, guys. And this has been

Flex Magazine Lessons Learned. Now, it really is time for overheards. Sure is. Paul, you know we love to start with the guests. I know you do. If you would. Gentlemen, I've come prepared. Yes! I have not only a couple overheards, but also

an overseen. Oh, fun. The overseen courtesy of your town of Vancouver on the way from the airport. I saw a church sign. You know, they have those marquees where they will put like the title of the sermon, you know,

which I don't know who that's for. Yeah. And it's true. It's usually something, uh, uh, based on pop culture. Yeah.

Like if God, the only real Skyrim is heaven. I was trying to think of a gang style. But if you're, if you go to that church, you're already going to that church. No one's driving by like, I,

that sermon title intrigues me. I'm going to stop in. But this was, and what I love is that it's all capital letters that I always read it a certain way in my mind when I see it. And so this is what I heard. This is what I saw.

This is what I read and how I heard it in my brain. What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? That was a Steveve martin character right the wild and precious lives but then but then i guess the answer that they're hoping to hear is well give it over to god of course i mean certainly devote my life to god that's wild i'm serving him yeah who are your wild and precious life that you only get one of what are you gonna do i'll spend a bunch of it in church for sure yeah get up early on sundays pretty wild all right but i do like the voice that came with it like that's how i see all caps your wild and

precious life well how would you read all caps, if somebody sends you a text that's all caps? Monotonously. Monotonically? Yeah. Okay. Wow. Like, how? How do you expect? How do you expect to spend?

Nope. Too much tone. Yep. How do you? No. How do you expect to spend your life of precious? Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. And you, how do you read all the apps?

Like, astonished. Like, you know? Like, uh... OMG! Yeah! Oh! Like that, like... BNWLT?

Yeah, you're scared, like, if somebody writes... NKOTB? Yeah, what about, uh... No caps? Like, when someone someone's just you know i read them like this i read them like you're all caps what frank oz what did you get here oh i was uh just directing pretty good movies i read the score when people write all lowercase with no punctuation it seems to me like the dumbest person in the world is

trying to communicate something hey how come you put earlier that you were gonna be here but then you weren't here I think of E.E. Cummings oh that's beautiful Graham that's beautiful there were no caps right no one

I don't know about the poems Dave don't read no poems That's beautiful There were no caps, right? No caps in the name I don't know about the poems Dave don't read no poems He's busy with Flex Magazine Why would you read a poem? If I could just have it Slammed at me Why read what you can have slammed at you?

What's the point of poetry slams If people are still going to read? Alright, now these are my The ones that I heard with my ears Exciting What's the point of poetry slams if people are still going to read? All right. Now, these are the ones that I heard with my ears. Exciting. This was on the flight to Vancouver. We're going backwards in time. What's that sound?

Back to the future. Yeah. Going to go backwards in time. On the flight here, we're on the runway. Flight attendant starts his announcement of telling us what's going to happen on the plane.

As he's doing so, Captain just overrides this guy's audio. I've never seen this happen before. The guy's like, alright everybody, take your seats. Thank you for seen this happen before. But the guy's like, all right, everybody, take your seats. Thank you for flying WestJet.

We're going to be taking off in just a few minutes. And the captain gets on, this is the flight deck. We got a little bit of weather here, but everything's going to be okay. And the guy was astonished, right? The flight attendant's like, this is unprecedented.

And says to a guy sitting in front of me, did he just cut me off? The guy nods. So then the flight attendant opens up the cockpit door, and you see the captain turn around from the cockpit, still going on with his, so we're going to be taking off momentarily. Just hope you enjoy your flight. And then the door closes,

and then the captain finishes his thing. And then there's a pause. And then you hear the captain say, that's what I do. Then there's another pause. And then the captain says, go for it. And then the flight attendant comes back out and finishes his little speech. Wow. I feel like they've had a conversation about this before where where the flight attendants are like, just let me finish my thing.

You know, you cut me off when you started your thing. When we were going to Sacramento. That's what I do. That's what I do. I'm the pilot. It's his thing now. He loved it. Now, these are two overheards from the same place.

Wait, two more? Yeah. It's a total of three overheards and one overseen yeah no doubt uh my wife and i for our first anniversary we old cauliflower ears me and oce went to reverse anniversary went to palm springs uh which we'd never been to before. And we rented a room in this hotel that's called the Orbit Inn. And it's this preserved 60s hotel. It would have to be with that name. Yes, exactly.

So it's very – it was nice. It was a lot of fun. And so they have all this original 60s architecture and furniture and just stuff all over the walls and everything. And so when we got there, when we were on our way, we were speculating, I wonder if we're going to see Huell Hauser because he lives in Palm Springs. And so we check into the hotel and we asked the guy who was the owner who was checking us in. I said, do you ever see Huell Hauser? He said, you know, I see him around town a lot. And I've been trying to get him to come here and do a story on the place.

Cause I think he would love it. You know, it's all the original stuff from the sixties. And so the next day we're in the swimming pool. Let's buy this poolside bar that they have. And we hear the owner is giving a tour to someone saying and then here we have this uh happy hour um you know by the pool and we'll put out you know like uh potato chips and pretzels and popcorn and then we hear a voice go popcorn and we look up and it was hugh hauser

wow who just he had to express surprise and delight at something. Is it really that unusual that they would put out popcorn? Next to a pool? Oh, yeah, at a bar, no. Yeah. I don't know. Popcorn? Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. You don't always have popcorn at a bar. That's correct. But you only have popcorn. Wait, no, that's not true either. But it's not inconceivable. no, that's not true either. But it's not inconceivable. Like, it's happened before. Yeah. I've been to bars

where they put out popcorn. It's certainly not worthy of that reaction, is what I'm saying. Popcorn! Then, so we were at dinner and we are... No more Huell Hauser. You got so excited, like, dinner and we are we're so this is that's the that no more he'll house okay no no you you got

so excited like more you're just coming that was our only surprise by yes rest in peace that's right no it seemed appropriate time to advise him to rest in peace your work is done he'll hauser you've been on overheards yeah here's a pool table for you the big pool table in heaven probably sleeping on that how many cool celebrities are sleeping on that pool table if popcorn blew his mind a guy sleeping on a pool table well i never so we're at dinner and uh we're celebrating our anniversary and we're having a wonderful time and we uh each have a glass of champagne and we uh do a little toast heartfelt toast and we clink glasses and then we hear next to this

table this guy like yelling when i order french fries i like them undercooked because I like to know that there's a potato in there somewhere. Wow. Yeah. A lot of emotions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to let his dinner companion know, this is what I'm all about. Yeah. Do you think that was a first date?

I like to think so. Or a last date. Both. Yeah. Now, you... I've been seeing a lot of... I guess it's because it's Valentine's Day is coming up. our last. Both. Now you, I've been seeing a lot of, I guess it's because it's Valentine's Day is coming up. Although by the time this is out, it'll be over. Don't write us. Sorry, everybody stop crying.

I've been seeing a lot of ads for People's Jewelers. Is that a chain? I don't even know what it is. Anyway, they're the... People's Jewelers? I guess it's Canadian. It's Canadian. Just the socialist jeweler? Yeah. Diam yeah diamonds they belong to all of us people of the world unite and look flashy uh and it's all these couples and they all they're all getting engaged at romantic restaurants i've never seen a couple get engaged in public i've never seen a couple get engaged in public either but

apparently it happens all the time i've participated a terrible idea i mean unless you're doing a fun lip dub well who is it that said was it on this podcast or was it somebody i can't remember somebody was like uh would you propose to some like when when guys are like oh she said yes guys like the would you propose if you were like 50 50 especially now that it's like marriage isn't that big of a deal we're like you can you can just not get married yeah that's true yeah but yeah yeah that's true like what's the rush uh like i'm not sure she likes me yet but i'm still gonna i'm still gonna embarrass myself gonna buy a going to buy a diamond. I'm going to. Yeah. I had a moment, though, when I proposed to my wife where for a split second, because she, her reaction right away is she burst into tears and she turned away from me.

And for a second, I was like, oh, my God, what if she says no? It's possible. Like, that's, you know, I asked a question. Yeah, she has rights. Exactly. It was impossible. Come on. You stop. i'm great on your uh on your first

anniversary did you eat uh the leftover wedding cake not on the day but we did eventually eat it because it was is that it was still yeah yeah it was it was in her my parents still have theirs from 1969 that's like uh that's like that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine eats the... Why do they still have it? How do they still have it? In the freezer? When do they still have it? Who do they still have it? And where do they still have it? Those are the journalist questions.

Tonight on W5. That's a show. W5? Yeah. The five W's. Who, what, when, where, why? They don't ask how no never no yeah you mustn't that that's a show that's uh how stuff works they leave it to that how it's made yeah do they cover why a lot uh yeah yeah there's why they very rarely cover when here's why the guy was crazy. When did this happen?

When was this? I hope that answer question is a life match. They only get one. They only get one of each. What is this? We're sitting with ex-president George W. Bush. Who?

Who are you? And what are you? What are you? I was are you? What are you? I was the president. Why do you look familiar? When was that? Instead of a how. Is it a how?

Oh, no, I guess it's a why. What for? Yeah, what for? They can do what for. What for do you come to know these topics about? What for do you come to know these topics about? Well, we ate our wedding topper, you know, the little tiny cake on top of a cake. It was after the first year, but it was still down in South Carolina where we got married in her parents' freezer.

You got married in her parents' freezer? We got married in a freezer. Surely you saw this on the news. Yeah, yeah. Someone gets married in a freezer yeah you surely saw this on the news yeah we were married by a wakeboarding dog i just googled freezer wedding yeah i now pronounce you man and wife. You have to... The 6W. So, we ate this thing with her parents, and she was saying, ah, it's freezer burned, it's not that good. And I was like,

this is perfectly fine to me. I ate most of it. Everybody else had one or two bites, and I just kept going back to it, needing more. We still have ours in our freezer. Have you eaten any of it? Yeah, we had some on our first anniversary. Well, why are you...

I don't know. Why do you keep it still? Because your parents did? I think just to nibble on. What do you package it in? A Ziploc bag. Okay. Wow.

I had no idea that this... I've never heard of this before. Do you keep it for ambient eating purposes? Excuse me? I'll get up in the middle of the night, sleepwalk, have some wedding cake, go back to bed. All right. Well, that's been great. Yep.

So dismissive. Sorry. I think Graham and I both got a text at the same time. Yeah. Sorry. From the same person? Yes. Mass text? I think you know who I got a text from. Was it text at the same time. Yeah. Sorry. From the same person? Yes. Mass text.

I think you know who I got a text from. Was it Alicia Tobin? Yeah. Yeah. Can I write back to her? Yeah, you do it. Okay. Can I talk?

Why don't you text me? Can I do my overheard? Yes, please. Sure. Of course you would. My overheard is not my own. Running really low on overheards these days. Stuff, right?

Yeah. Yeah. But this one is something that my wife overheard while sneaking a piece of cake. No, she overheard up the street there is a daycare. I know. Pretty nice neighborhood. It is a nice neighborhood. And she overheard these two young parents picking up their, she guessed, four-year-old son. And the dad was like, hey, son, do you know what we're going to do tonight?

All excited. And the son went, we're going to go to a synagogue. And then the mother says, what? You've never been to a synagogue in your life. This kid just came up with synagogue out of nothing. I like that he was really taking a guess. I feel like he must have had a daycare mate. That said, we're going to synagogue.

Who just kept talking about how great the synagogue is. That can't be so. All you can wear, yarmulkes. So great. It goes on for hours and hours. But, like, for kids, when they have, like, a junior synagogue or something, do they... Saturday school? Yeah, Saturday school, exactly.

Like, they'd have something fun. I don't know. I don't know what's fun church or synagogue-wise. Synagogue go-karts? Oh, man, that would be fun. That would be fun, right? Yeah. I don't know what's fun church or synagogue-wise. Synagogue go-karts? Oh, man, that would be fun. That would be fun, right? Yeah. I'd convert.

Now, Graham. I'm the only religion with go-karts. They're a sin in Christianity. Synagogue has sin in it, though. So it's fun. I'm sorry if everybody's high listening to this. And I just blew your mind. Let my people go.

Dog. What if you were high and just the concept of a dog wakeboarding just drove you mad? Yeah. You just woke up in the desert. And then maybe you were like, oh, wait. I guess I didn't know what wakeboarding was it doesn't happen here you mean sitting there you mean just sitting there on a wakeboard now graham yes do you think you can tell me you're over i can i mine is courtesy of

public transit okay uh there was a gentleman i've never seen, and I really authentically have never seen a worse fumble of trying to hit on a woman. Oh. Ever. Like this guy had an in. This guy had an in and blew it on him. Like he blew it for himself. Okay. So he had an in with this lady.

This lady was wearing. And he blew it on himself. He blew it on himself. He asked himself out. He had an in with this lady. This lady was wearing... And he blew it on himself. He blew it on himself. He asked himself out. He had an in with himself. Yeah. I think we have a lot in common. We're both me.

I know that we don't have plans tonight. I've been picturing myself naked all night. This whole bus ride. Have I been running through my mind? Yeah, your legs, or my legs turned. So this lady was wearing a backpack and she had a little Hello Kitty keychain hanging off of it. I'm sure. Oh, I love this. This is part of the perfect in.

Yeah, this was his perfect in. He said, Oh, Hello Kitty. And she responded. She said, Oh, yeah. Oh, you know him? Yeah. And he said,

Yeah, my ex-girlfriend really liked Hello Kitty. And I was like, uh-oh. And he said, I still keep a lot of Hello Kitty stuff around the house because the girls like it. And then he backed off immediately and went, they don't really like it. What? This was all to a girl who then did. It was great because she was facing towards him and went out of her way to turn her back to him.

Like in the process had to stare into a man's armpit. Right. But that was preferable then. They don't really like it. I mean, I've captured them. So just dangle some stuff in front of them. How about this? Hello, kitty.

No one can hear you. But it was like he had an in that he had created, and then he folded up and said, actually, that in that I created. Oh, he ruined it immediately. Yeah, yeah. But you're saying his in was, oh, hello, kitty. Well, the fact that she didn't recoil immediately with his in. Yeah. Yeah.

She treated him like a human being. Yeah. And then quickly realized he was not one. Yeah. He was a snake on the wing. Can I ask that idea that dudes have that they're going to just strike up a conversation with a woman in a public place like that? Especially in a public transit. It's not successful ever, right?

No. Women just want to be left alone in a situation like that. So do men. Yeah. Yes, exactly. But women aren't doing that to men. That's true. It's like the, what are you reading?

That kind of thing. No one that's never welcome. you know that kind of thing no one yeah no one that's never welcome and i don't think that i i would be surprised if the success rate was more than zero percent for the just like out in public woman on a park bench on a bus whatever just striking up a conversation like that if it ever led to a date hey do you like close-up magic i remember talking about this on the podcast though where i saw a guy hit on a lady and it actually they got off the bus together oh wow remember do you remember that i think probably i don't they they uh do you want to go back to the hello kitty palace go back to my san rio dungeon were they both attractive people uh they weren't what they weren't horrible what

like they were just really averages horrible but this would you say the same level of average yeah but maybe that's the key struck up a conversation based on if i'm not mistaken it was she was wearing like a pin or something no it was it was a it was a book. She was reading a comic book. And he started talking about this comic book. And they got off the bus together. And I was like, this is unprecedented that two strangers. Especially a comic book reader having the confidence to speak to a girl. They're graphic novels, Dave.

They're works of art. But everyone, they're graphic novels, Dave. They're works of art. I notice you are reading The Adventures of Omaha the Cat Dancer. Oh, you're reading Mouse? Love it. Fun read. All right.

Guys, we also have overheard sent in to us by listeners. What are you talking about? Paul, let me explain. It's impossible. Through the power of butt.com. Powered by butt.com. The power of butt.com compels you. People from around the world send in their overheards to us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com.

The first one being, this is from James B. in New Jersey. Ah, you got it. Home of the Devils. It's a pseudonym of mine. Oh, James B. So this is also for me. Oh New Jersey. Home of the Devils. It's a pseudonym of mine. So this is also for me. Oh, okay. This is exciting. This is from the

Kids Say the Darnedest Things category. Always a favorite. While waiting around for my order at Five Guys. That's a burger chain. There you go. Yes, it's Five Guys. One is named what? One is named who?

One is named how? One is named who? One is named how? One is named where? One is named why? I'll have the inquisitive burger. So there were three children were having a conversation when this came up. Child one, excitedly, do you know what is better than playing tag in Staples? Child two, glumly, matter of factly, playing tag in Walmart.? Child 2. Glumly, matter-of-factly. Playing tag in Walmart.

Touche. Wow. Probably a lot more, like, different areas to hide in. Oh, and you can try on lip glosses. Why is that kid so glum about it? Because I think they were probably heading to a Staples. Do they have five guys in Staples in the States? Yeah.

Sometimes they're in each other. It's like a combo have five guys in staples in the states yeah yeah sometimes they're in each other it's like a combo five guys in staples like sometimes you go into the five guys and then buy some reams of paper yeah uh that makes sense so how many times sometimes you're five guys you're like i do need office supplies sometimes you're in staples like i could eat a gigantic hamburger yeah and they serve them in tinfoil everything yeah both places yes um this next one uh comes to us from uh lauren p i was at a wedding LaurenP.com For sale What is with the anonymity Of the initial by the way

Oh it's just something we've always done Yeah so they're not doing it This is something you're doing I've never done it as an anonymity thing But just sort of as like Growing up there were a bunch of Daves Davids in my class I always thought it was like a school thing.

Yeah. I was David S. always. It also seems like a thing from local television, like a local kids' television show. Happy birthday to Lauren P. Yes. People would write things in, but they wouldn't – kids would write stuff in, but they would never put the full name. That's because you don't want to give a stranger access to kids' names. Yeah.

They'll throw eggs at their house. So I was at a wedding recently where the groom was Canadian and the bride was Russian. To welcome the groom to the family, the bride's brother gave the following speech. We will welcome him into our family as we have been welcomed into Canada from the devil's nest they call Russia. There you have it. Glad to leave. Glad to see it in the rearview mirror. Right?

I mean, there are more miserable places, but I can't. Name five. Staples. When playing tag. Tag playing only. This last one yeah comes to us from Jason B

ooh the born identity there was never just one what if it really is Jason Bourne yeah what if it was the B identity would you guys

would you trust him in the 23 apartments would you be excited to know that Jason Bourne listened to your podcast very much so oh it's not like playing tag and treadstone uh it was my daughter's turn to be a special helper at preschool so i got to come and uh hang

out provide snacks etc after i got introduced to the class and the other kids and a couple started shouting out things about okay wait this is weird weirdly written i've got to edit it uh after i got introduced to the class the other kids uh start shouting out things about uh oh oh about their own dads sorry it says that i was trying to figure out what the my fear was that it was going to go down some sort of racist alley no no my fear was that you accidentally uh edited out a bunch of the middle of it and it was going to be like end with someone else's over her oh no is it this this guy's just written the wrong word here so after i got introduced to the class classic jason bourne he's got other stuff on his

mind yeah the other kids start shouting out things about their own dads right that own dads uh one kid yelled out amongst all the other kids yelling out things about their own dads one kid yells out my dad's name is Uncle Rick. Pretty great. That's so squalid. Like that the parents didn't even bother to put on airs. Call him dad. Yeah, just call him Uncle Rick.

Well, it's like Uncle Rick is... I feel like uncle rick is the new man yeah yeah i'm not thinking it's like incest or anything yeah no no no but that's like i mean like they're like don't even bother it's just like dad's not the real dad's not in the picture anymore at all but maybe uncle rick it like maybe the mother has taken up with uh dad brother, Rick. Maybe so. Oh, yeah. Which is pretty squalid. Oh, Rick! In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls.

If you've got a phone, it is incumbent upon you to type in the following combination of numbers, in this this order i cannot stress that enough 206-339-8328 that's 206-339 hey dave and graham this is chris in olympia washington i just had an overseen i was flipping through channels before the super bowl and i came the Puppy Bowl and they were doing a

list of their players for the year and they had a 12-week-old dachshund named Harry and the quote for him was, doesn't think men and women can be close friends.

Like that's his polka bio? Yeah. It's a dachshund who doesn't think men and women could be close friends. Like that's his that's his Pulko's bio? Yeah. It's a dachshund who doesn't think men and women could be close friends.

I remember watching a That's very silly. a the Kennel Club dog show and the the announcer has to say

something about every dog. And I remember them saying about the dachshunds that they have a strong sense of fair play. That would have been perfect for the puppy. Yeah. We don't.

How are they? How is it measured? Yes. Fair play? Yes. I don't know what it is. They use a flexotron. It's every man for himself.

They use a flexotron. Oh, yeah. Cleaning the flexotron. I want to measure these dogs' sense of fair play. It's not a flexotron. It's every man for himself. They use a flexotron? Oh, yeah. Cleaning the flexotron. I want to measure these dogs as a family. It's not a flexometer. No, that's true. That would be a good nickname. He loves measuring your flex.

Next phone call. Lordy. Flexometer. Hi, Dave and Graham, and obviously amazing guests. I haven't overheard. Oh, yeah, and I'm Trevor from Chicago. I was at Disney World with my girlfriend, and as we were walking along,

a father was pushing one of those double strollers with his two twin daughters, and all I heard him say was, okay, girls, let's go get tattoos. Yay! I'm going to get one that says i love uncle rick oh man uh disneyland tattoos do you think they're real i hear there's one place where in disneyland where you can get real tattoos yeah it's uh owned by jessica rabbit this is

in the red light district you know about that there's there's a bar in disneyland it's like a secret bar well it's not a bar it's a restaurant that serves alcohol it's like what it's the only place in disneyland where you can get booze really yes oh i thought that every restaurant was like that was what was in it for the adults. No, that's, at Epcot, I think, if you go to Disney World, it's much easier to get booze. I don't know if California Adventure has alcohol. Euro Disney is all alcohol.

Is that still open? I don't know. It closed, right? Wasn't it a wild failure? I mean, it was wild. Absolutely. Yeah. Miss you, Toads.

Wild failure. Oh, shit. absolutely yeah miss you a total wild failure as a southern californian how often do you go to a disneyland i have since i've lived in california i think i've been twice to disneyland one was a lark with some people were like we had nothing to do that day and we went to disneyland for adults

and then another time was that fun it was fun yeah it was fun because you know i i think i had been when i was a kid my sister lived here and i came out to visit her we went to disneyland no and uh but it was fun it was a very spur of the moment thing um they had just opened the indiana jones ride that was a blast i remember when i was a kid i was there before it opened oh yes you were now coming soon yeah then uh later on years and years later uh went with more adults when it was uh somebody's birthday and uh it's like it's winding up dude not so much fun well it was it was the greatest. We had turkey legs. You know what?

It wasn't. There was fun to be had. But the whole time we were there, we were wondering, why are we here at Disneyland? Why did a fellow adult want to celebrate their birthday here at Disneyland? Yeah. And then there was some speculation that the the person whose birthday it was it was not their idea but it was the person who organized it yes they wanted to go to Disneyland and so there we were yeah we'll never know the truth of it miserable we'll never know the truth of it

no well well you could ask oh but I totally beat my wife at the Buzz Lightyear game oh boy I'm glad that that ended with it but I totally beat my wife at that Buzz Lightyear game. Oh, boy. I'm glad that that ended with it. But I totally beat my wife. Next over at Disneyland. It was a rush. Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Blake Bumper from Oakland. I was doing some painting at my fiancee's sister's house.

And she was about 50 miles away down the freeway here in the city, and I was coming back home one night, and I got an overheard. I was sitting in the car listening to some podcast, and I heard, and I was like, that was weird. That didn't really sound like it was in the podcast, but okay. And then I looked to my left, and in the carpool lane was an ambulance. And when I looked over, the guy sitting in the passenger seat, the paramedic, put the PA speaker mouthpiece up to his face and said, Traffic sucks.

It does. What sucks? Traffic. The movie. Was he saying it to this guy that just called in? Yeah. He was just bored in the passenger seat. In an ambulance.

Quick, get on the speaker seat. Something's sarcastic. That doesn't sound like it came from the podcast. Turn my radio down. I was listening to a paramedic podcast. The paramedics do talk a great deal about cars, but they never mention traffic. This was unusual. I was listening to Bringing Out the Dead, the podcast.

I didn't realize that those guys had speakers. Oh, yeah, like policemen. Like, get out of the way, everybody. We're policemen. Traffic sucks. Hello, my baby. But not for us. Oh, lordy.

Well, that was great. This is it. Here we are. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Dave's laugh. At the end of the show, Dave just starts leafing through Flex Magazine. What was that? Ew.

Balls slip out. Tongues slip up. Some things you just want to forget. What? Slip out, tongues slip up, some things you just want to forget. So these guys spend all of their time looking at themselves, looking at other men's bodies, emulating other men's bodies, but the idea of a ball slipping out of a shorts, that's probably the worst. What was that an ad for? I don't even know.

I think that was the beginning of an article, wasn't it? No, it was an ad. Oh, that was an ad? Oh, Jesus. So it's a close-up of this guy's basically a guy's genital shorts barely covering his crazy veiny muscular flex legs yeah he's holding a can a paint can of some supplement and the company is balls slip out tongues slip tongues slip up, some things you just want to forget. And then what does the next sentence say? Like what?

Like coughing up the ball in the red zone at home. That's a football reference. There you go. I don't know. Guys, I'm starving. Yeah, look, the people of Flex Magazine should not make cleverness a priority. I don't think it's a priority. I think that slipped out somewhere.

But I'm saying they're trying to be clever and they shouldn't. Well, that's just an advertiser. Oh, that's true. Same dip. Know your readership is my point. I think... If we couldn't figure this out... Both slip out. Tongues slip up

Guys Smash That's the advertising firm that they go to Smash, tear, and rip Guys Yeah Graham Paul

Dave It's time It's time. It's time to end this podcast. This is it. Paul, would you, you're going to be at the Soho Theater in London. Yes, April 2nd through the 13th. And if people want to listen, you have a couple of podcasts. Yes, I am.

I'm writing the new season of the Pod F Tompcast right now. So excited. The Dead Authors Podcast is also going quite well. We have one of our upcoming episodes, John Hodgman as Ayn Rand. That was recorded at the San Francisco Sketch Fest. That was a crazy night.

Everyone's going to enjoy that. If you haven't checked it out yet, please do check it out. I think you will enjoy it. I enjoy the heck out of it. I wasn't talking to you. Oh, sorry. Went to the listener. Apologies. I was looking at you, though, out of politeness. Touche. And also I was afraid if I looked at the microphone I would start to see the listeners

and I got freaked out. Just see their ears? Yeah. Gross. Yeah, yeah. Dave? Yeah, I will be doing readings of John Glenecki's Muscleheads comics. What?

There's a comic? This is great. There's a comic strip. You really buried the lead. Flex Magazine. Stay tuned next month for Muscleheads. And this coming week at the Little Mountain Gallery, February 23rd, is I'm going to be doing a wrestling theme show where I will be screening old wrestling matches

and do running commentary over them along with Ryan Beal. The whole match. The whole match. Wow. And also showing some favorite pre-wrestling interviews. They don't do that anymore, but there was a golden age of it where it was

we'll interview the two guys beforehand. I feel like when I was a kid, most of it was the interviews. The wrestling was very brief. Yeah, but there was a lot of, this is what I'm going to do to you. Very unsettling. And stuff would lead up for weeks. People who weren't even wrestling

that day, I'm going to beat this guy up in three weeks. Because those guys had to improvise a lot there were like long stretches of silence where they were just like looking menacingly at the camera and it made me very uncomfortable when i was a kid yeah i didn't enjoy it at all did you say yes and yeah they've got improv skills uh mean gene okerlund would come up behind and be their arm. He would let those dudes twist in the wind, too. He just held the microphone

and it's like those guys, and then I'm gonna... Yes? You are gonna wish that... Harsh words. Was it Okerlund? Yeah, mean gene okerlund if you uh like the podcast head over to maximumfun.org where dave does a blog recap of uh every episode uh photos and videos relating to the content of said episode you might see pictures of. Yeah. Flex magazine.

A wedding cake in a freezer. A snake on a plane. A wakeboarding dog. You'll definitely see the wakeboarding dog. Oh, man. I guarantee. Yeah. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. I could eat a gigantic hamburger.