Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 259 - Hari Kondabolu

Episode Date: March 4, 2013

Hari Kondabolu joins us to talk basements, Karate Kid, and parkour.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 259 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man without whom we would not have been Vancouver's favorite podcast according to Vancouver's The West Ender, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, that's true. We won a poll that we didn't know existed. I didn't.

I had no idea that existed, and I was so excited. Here's how wrong or out of touch we are. That newspaper's not even called the West Ender anymore. What? Is it just we? It's called We Vancouver. Ah. Yeah, we are out of touch.

It is we. Was Us Magazine originally something? Yeah, it was called United States Magazine. And then they lost their way. And our guest this week is a gentleman who was on the podcast once before at a live podcast. But this is his first time here in official podcast business. Very funny comedian. Co-host of his own podcast, the

Kondabolu Brothers podcast? The Untitled Kondabolu Brothers podcast. Ah, nuts! I forgot it was untitled. We were trying to be cute. Yeah. Mission accomplished. Naming podcasts isn't easy. Our guest

is Hari Kondabolu. Hello. Hello. Thank you for being our guest is Hari Kondabulu. Hello. Hello. Thank you for being our guest. Oh, this is great. It is great. It's great to have you. I've grown up in basements. It's nice to do things that actually are career-related in basements now.

I'm very interested to learn more about your basement living. Oh, ping pong, recording fake TV shows. What a rich imagination. Yeah. Let's get to that. Get to know us. So did you and your brother would put on TV shows in the basement? Me and my friends, we recorded fake TV shows with just a camcorder.

Fun. Yeah, and we do little sketches and stuff. Where are you from? New York. New York, New York? Queens. Okay. That's New York, New York.

Yeah, yeah. That's one of the five boroughs. So yeah, I feel like we grew up in basements, going to people's basements, playing pool and ping pong. Sleepovers. Now that you say it. The basement is like a... The rec room. Right. We grew up in basements, going to people's basements, playing pool and ping pong. Sleepovers. Sleepovers. Yeah. So you go, like, the basement is like a, you know.

The rec room. I remember playing. Pre-computers. Pre-computers. Oh, pre-computers. And post-computers. And post-computers, yeah. I remember playing.

The computers are over? Yeah. Yeah. I remember playing Goldeneye in a lot of friends' basements. Oh, man. Yeah. I have very warm memories about that. I don't know.

Yeah, you're right. Basements are like a big part of growing up in the- You can spill stuff. Yeah. And it's not the biggest deal because it's not the nice couch. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

And you can kind of have like kind of secret goings on because you're away from the house proper. Right. Yeah. You're in the subterranean world. You can usually hear what's going on upstairs. So you have a bit of warning if people are going to come down. You can fart for days in peace. Yeah.

Freedom. No one judging you. You did that farting strike for a while. Right. To raise money for charity. So you're in Vancouver. You're playing at the Comedy Mix this weekend. And we last saw you at Max Fun Con.

Yes. And we were just talking about how you're going to perform like on a boat. Yeah. For BoatParty.biz. Well, it's weird because I never saw myself as a cruise ship comic. So it's kind of funny because in some ways it's like, what an innovative idea. Jesse Thorne's a genius, which he is. But it's like, it's a cruise ship yeah yeah

so it's part of it is like this is exciting i've never done this the other part of it's like this is what i've been trying to avoid for years is working cruise ships so now why because like think of like when you were a little kid if if adult harry talked to little kid harry saying one day you'll make a career telling jokes on a cruise ship you would be thrilled you'd be thrilled to pieces wouldn't you not?

first of all I'd scream a lot stranger who's the stranger? handsome stranger he says he's me so initially I'd imagine I'd have to sedate myself. Then I'd regain consciousness.

You have a few days to get to know yourself. People always say that if the current you met the past you, that would freak the little kid out. There's no way. I think I was really hoping for it all the time when I was a kid. Do you think it would be different I was very naive also what about now

what if young Hari traveled to the future and spoke to you would you need the same adjustment period what would happen to that kid

if he traveled to the future because we don't really know the effects of time travel on the human body yeah we do are we just going I realize I'm not answering the question, but I want to go over the... Yeah, you really are sidestepping this question.

What are the physical effects of time travel? Why are we not focusing on the issues here? Will that kid come back with a missing limb? We don't know what's going to happen to his internal organs through time travel. I mean, it depends on how you travel. Right. Yeah, that's true. If you time travel economy,

all sorts of shit's gonna happen. If the chamber thing that they put you in for you to time travel is something that damages your bones, you're gonna have broken bones. Right. So if I saw, like,

a freak version of Kid Me, and after recovering from, like, this kid's missing a couple, you know, both of his eyes and his nose is in the wrong place, I would tell him a couple you know both of his eyes and his nose is in the wrong place um i would tell him uh to you know stay in school wait what if you get a phd wait wait but then wouldn't you be missing your eyes and nose this is why but hold on a second because why would the young harry be coming forward in the future to get advice. Isn't he coming forward to tell you something?

Yeah, and also what a boring kid thing to do. I want to meet the future me and get advice as opposed to anything else you could possibly do. Well, you would want to see how it all turns out, no? Right, but also the whole butterfly effect. Like the second a small detail, the second a time machine is introduced, I'm gone. I'm done. Oh, like a time machine's introduced, I'm gone. I'm done. Oh, like you just ceased to exist. Yeah, like something could have happened or I'm in a different place or everything's different.

Yeah, yeah. At one step, like maybe the million times I was almost hit by a car, I got hit by one. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because it really should have happened already. So long, long story short, you wouldn't have been excited to play on a cruise ship i'm excited about this i'm excited about the fact that it's like i i'm to be honest

part of me is like what is mark maron like on a cruise ship like what is that that isn't a question we all want answered i want to know like what that experience what is he like playing a cruise ship i just yeah i want to see what that is about and is he like playing a cruise ship? I just – yeah. I want to see what that is about. And how long are you on this cruise for? Four days. Wow. And we're going to like the Bahamas. And we're going to places where I feel like I can't just stay in my hotel room or stay in my room.

Like I actually have to go – because right now in Vancouver, the club, the comedy mix is in the basement of the hotel I'm staying at. Again, in the basement. Right in the basement where I feel most comfortable. I mean, it's funny. I've played in basements my whole life. But like the coffee shop next to the hotel, which is part of the hotel, I've eaten all my meals there. I've had coffee there. I haven't really left the vicinity of the hotel for the most part.

Yeah. And that's how I'm usually. I've never really seen other cities, even though I've traveled all over the world. I've primarily stayed in hostels and hotels, and I can tell you what I remember from the hostels and hotels I've stayed at. So you just, like, hang out all day and, like, what, just kind of internet? Yeah, the internet takes you everywhere. Even when you are there.

So why am I? What is the point? I've been outside in other places. All right. Yeah, sure. It's fine. But I feel like it'd be terrible if I'm in the Bahamas and there's a beach and there's water. Oh, I can skip out on that kind of thing.

Right. No problem. I have no problem with avoiding a beach. Places where people want to take their shirts off. No way. I have. I'm the opposite. Because here, if it's hot, I hate it.

Yeah. And like going to the beach here is a, you know, it's an ordeal. It is an ordeal. But when you're somewhere else, you can, like, usually they put you somewhere where you're near the beach. You don't have to drive. You can be drunk the whole time. That's true. You can be drunk the whole time. Yeah, that's true. You can be drunk the whole time.

Never kind of overlook that fact of holidays. Yeah. You're going to be on a cruise ship, which is like alcohols. Gratis, right? But you're not heavy. You're not a big drinker, are you? Not a lot.

Maybe you are on the open water. I enjoy Baileys and milk and Moscato from time to time like anybody else. Like any other grandparent. I'm curious about this cruise ship because I've had friends who have done like a Coachella cruise and stuff like bands and stuff. And like they get on the ship and they realize that half the ship is there for Coachella and the other half are just senior citizens. Oh, really? Because if you can't get the cruise ship to be so big, you can't fill up the whole ship.

So you have half the people who have no idea what the hell everything else is. So I'm curious if it's going to be half Max Funcon and half seniors who are annoyed with the comedian. I don't know that you would be able to. Yeah, I think they'd be fine together. It seems like a lot of cardigans that would just. Can you combine? Hey, Gramps, where'd you get that? Where'd you get that hat?

Yeah. I think it's like a kind of a natural match. That's great. Doing a clothing exchange on the deck. They should take two of these sort of themed cruises and combine them. So like both parties on the boat are there to see something specific, but it's like the boatparty.biz crew and the weezer crew right yeah oh yeah could be uh yeah boat party dot biz crews and uh woodstock 94

sure i'd go see the collective soul they bring the mud just to throw it oh that would yeah they probably have like a mud thing in the spa there that they could utilize. Woodstock 94 is overlooked. That's great. Because people only think of Woodstock 99. Right, right. Which was the anger management Woodstock. Yeah, the knocking over the tower.

Wasn't Fred Durst? Yeah. He was heavily involved in that. The break stuff. That's right 94 was like kind of uh it was kind of whoever was popular yeah the cranberries candle box candle box candle box was absolutely uh let it crab it's i feel sure also mtv was still relevant as a music and yeah it was still awesome and it was they broadcast the whole thing didn't yeah it was great it was a fun weekend for

those of us who don't like living in the house I feel like that was my childhood like I didn't go to summer camp like grew up in in Queens the big thing every summer is my parents

would get us Disney Channel like we they pay for Disney Channel every summer and we just stay inside watching Disney Channel that's smart is that smart

yeah I have a city living and we just like oh my god that's a channel stayed at watching that's smart is that smart yeah i have a city living and he's like oh my god that's a channel did you ever now it's really i feel like this is something that only happened in black and white photos of new york but in the summer did anyone ever open up the fire hydrants yeah people did we didn't but people did certainly and still in my neighborhood people do that what is that waste of water should be illegal and uh is it just people coming up and doing it with a big wrench yeah it's so hot and new york like the smells of new york gets so much worse in the summer yeah so like you just yeah that's no rules there's now growing up in new york do the smells is that just like a familiar, like that just smells like home?

I mean, the thing is, I didn't realize how awful it was until I left and came back. And I'm like, this is poop. All these years it was pee and poop. I went to college in Maine. I lived in Seattle with this fresh air. And I go back, I'm like, oh, my God. How do you all not say, how are you not vomiting constantly when you leave the house? This is terrible.

Oh, they are. That's also part of the smell. Yeah, that's part of the smell. Yeah, I feel like a few years ago there was a heat wave in New York, and the mayor's temporary solution was to, like, retrofit dumpsters to make them like uh swimming pools and uh bill murray dove in one on the oh yeah cut his head out of garbage here bloomberg i mean that's a that's a very new york thing just like the the billionaire mayor even though he's done with terms, gives himself another term.

Then he bans soda? What? Oh, yeah. And then makes you swim in garbage? What kind of crazy ducktales kind of situation is this? So he's banned soda? He banned soda. It's called a soda ban.

It's not. It's just like 16 ounces or 24 ounces. Like two sodas worth of soda is banned. 16 ounces is like a liter? 16 ounces, no, is like a grande. Right? Coffee? Isn't that 16 ounces?

16 or 24. Something that a human being should not finish in one sitting. 24 is too much. Right. That's like a unit you should not finish in one sitting. 24 is too much. Right. Oh, yeah. That's like a unit you would pour in your car. Well, all you have to do – well, if you want, just buy a second soda at that point. I mean, look, part of me is like, why are we kind of like enforcing these things on individuals?

But at the same time, like, that's too much soda, dude. That's a bad idea. So it's illegal to sell a single unit of soda that's so big? Yes. Okay. But you can buy multiple sodas. But you can swim in it. Or all the soda you could buy.

I want all the soda right now. Yeah. You're allowed to. I'm going to open up the soda hydrant and run around. But you have to buy it in different cups. Right, right. But when I was a kid, I could drink that like nobody's business. Yeah, yeah.

But now as a grown-up, I'm like, I is going to – I'm going to feel that for days. Oh, my God, yes. That crash is going to be horrendous. You just hope it times out to your sleep. But even then, my gut is going to get it. Yeah. Oh, this gut of mine. That's my new character.

Yeah, I'm going to let it shine. That's my new character. Yeah, I'm going to let it shine. I was at a Mexican restaurant yesterday, and they had homemade cola. So it was like what I imagine the original cola recipe. It was like that episode of This American Life. Exactly. Where they found the Coke recipe? Yeah, it was all spices spices and it was really good.

Where is this place? Commercial Drive, a place called Banditas. I want to go there. Yeah, it was delicious. I couldn't believe how tasty the idea of just a homemade cola was. How many colas were there? Was it just one flavor? Just the one.

The Coca-Cola, do they have diet? No. There's no natural substitute for aspartame. It's where people love Mexican. Isn't that what it's called? Oh, aspartame. Oh, I'm thinking of a thing. Asparagus.

Yeah, I'm thinking. Pardon me. How many of those things, fake sugars, are there now? Sucralose. Oh, I only know the brand names. Sepultura. Nutrasweet. What's the...

Sweet and Love. My understanding of how this works is that each of them has a different chemical. Splenda. That's the one I was thinking of. Sepultura. Splenda. But it's like eventually there's a cancer rumor about one of them. Yeah.

And then a new one comes out with a different thing. And that takes over the market. And then there's a cancer rumor about that. And then the next one comes out. These poor sugar substitute people just cannot get on top of the cancer rumors. Well, probably each of those sugar substitute people is spreading the cancer rumor about the next one. Oh, yeah. How do we get a bigger

share of the market? Let's say Splendor gives you cancer. Did you know that if you cover your entire face with your hand, you have cancer? Now, there was that.

That was a trick, right? Which I fell for as a kid. That older kids would... Yeah, you hit the person's hand while they have it over their face. Or you take a large nail and you just... You affix their hand to their face with a nail or screw or fastener. There was another one where... And I got tricked by this one too when I was a kid, is like you make a fist that's pointed towards you.

And like they say, I bet you can't pull my hand towards your chest. And so they're holding on to your hand and you're pulling as hard as you can. And then they let go and you punch yourself in the face. The first human who came up with that was the most sadistic piece of shit in the world. They probably came up with that nail idea, too. Like, goddamn. The one that you just came up with? I was just joking, but they're like,

this is where it'll start. What are my limitations as a human until another human kills me for doing these things? And I had to explain to, because I think I really bloodied my nose, and I had to explain to the teacher, i really bloodied my nose and i had to explain to the teacher like this is self-inflicted yeah that's what really hurts um i uh is that bullying like because like the way people talk about bullying today it's very dangerous and

kids are uh you know killing themselves because of it but i feel like that was that like that's what i considered bullying as a kid. I feel like those were my friends that did that. If it happened repeatedly, then it would be bullying, I think. Yeah, all the bullying I encountered. If it happens repeatedly, why do you keep putting your hand over your face?

That poor kid, that trusting child. It'll be different this time. Yeah, this guy did it to me, but this other guy won't. You said he was my friend don't you believe in friendship he wouldn't do this to me again my parents have misled and i just found out i have cancer oh that poor sensitive child um yeah i feel like bullying was more like it was it was never a thing where you had to be talked into.

Like bullies just – they were doers. Right, right, right. They didn't talk you into things. Yeah. They would just chase you and throw you around. Right, right. But your friends were the ones who were like, if you do this thing, it'll be great. I've always wondered because like as children of the 80s, whenever I met people like that or even college or older who were jerks,

I'm like, did you not watch The Karate Kid? Do you want to be the Cobra Kai? You're being the Cobra Kai right now. Do you watch the movie and like, yeah, sweep the leg. Do you actually care about Daniel in this movie? I feel like Cobra Kai probably had a good life after the movie. But do you think kids were like, yeah, I want to be like the Cobra Kai. They had it right the whole time.

This movie is biased towards the wiener. Well, yeah, because what happens to Daniel at the end of that? Please, Daniel-san. Oh, sorry. He earned that. He knew a Japanese dude. He waxed on and then something. He got the girl, right? But did he keep the girl?

Because in the second one, he didn't have a girl, did he? No. Didn't he reset back to zero? He was being bullied all over again? Elizabeth Shue's character. I guess she was like, I don't want to do this movie anymore. I'm going to the future. I'm going to take over someone else's character.

I thought she was the original. Oh, she took over. Oh, wow. That's incredible. What were we talking about? What happened to the Karate Kid? Alright, so then I guess they break up. Ali and him break up. It was a hell of a courtship in the first one.

I mean, what a great story to if you ended up getting married and having kids. Yeah. You know, I fought this karate syndicate. Run by a Vietnam War vet who was mad. And I had a little Japanese friend and he like a little. That sounds kind of. He was short. A little. It's not me me it's Daniel-san that's the bigot it's not me

I had this little Japanese friend I forget his name but he taught me karate and I won a tournament and your mother I won your mother I'm such an asshole I was the best around they should do a remake of

The Karate Kid where the Cobra Kai Are the good guys And Daniel Son's the real fucking asshole Who won't leave them alone He's like some weird dude who just moved into town We were fine We just wanted to be friends No

Forces this old Japanese man to teach him karate At gunpoint? You have a gun! Why do you want to know karate? I'm trying to impress this chick. Was she with... Very hazy memories of the karate kid. Was she with one of the Cobra Kai?

Yes. She was with, like, the main... So this guy comes into town, steals the guy's girlfriend. Yeah. Fucking fucks him up in a tournament yeah

like he's been training for years right with a crazy Vietnam War vet he's having flashbacks yeah does the second movie start immediately after the first one

like is there a yes parking lot that's right because then they're in the parking lot and then that the John something

the train the Cobra Kai bad guy these are the words I'm using the John something the train the Cobra Kai bad guy these are the words I'm using the childish words yeah the baddie the baddie

he goes after Mr. Miyagi and he throws a punch and he misses and he breaks a window throws another punch breaks another window and eventually

this is the Vietnam bet? yeah and then eventually Mr. Miyagi has him and he's about to destroy him so we assumed he was going to kill this man in a parking lot Miyagi has him and he's about to destroy him. So we assumed he was going to kill this man in a parking lot to start a movie.

And he just like pinched his nose and the guy passed out. He got your nose? Yeah. With chopsticks. He was nominated for an Academy Award for that role. Who? Pat Morita. Wow. For the first one.

And because of the heat of Karate Kid, Pat Morita ended up co-starring in a movie with Jay Leno where they were a couple of mismatched cops. And I think Jay Leno, they were trying to

groom him to be like a Wisecrackin' Action Star. As good as anybody, I would say. I mean, think of the lives that would have been saved. There's this weird point in history

which is i think still true where you have like ethnic characters who are given us a very specific part and earn something in that part nothing else ever again that was it and you know like when he got there like this is my one thing this is my pat marina yeah or jay leno uh the pat marina i just It's just like, okay. Well, he was also on Happy Days. Right, before that. Right, right. As the...

Arnold. Yeah. Right. I think that is still going on. Oh, yeah. Yeah, ethnic characters, like, does a great job in one movie. And then never again. See you later, Jai Ho.

Right, right. The woman who was the lead in The Help last year was on the Oscars she was the first presenter and when she walked out I honestly said I don't know who this is probably because I didn't want to see The Help the Help just sounded terrible

who's the woman who played the maid in The Help Viola Davis she recently said that she would never play a maid again. And I'm like, that's... Fair enough. My witness. That would be very weird

if you were just handed a lot of scripts. Yeah, maid roles. We want to give you a TV series. You're the lead character. You're a maid. But You're the lead character. You're a maid. But you're the president's maid. All the president's maids, it's called. And you're the president of the maids.

Someone's going to steal your idea if you keep putting it out there. It's timestamped. I don't mind that show idea at all. They're wisecracking about it. Right? And you could just rip stories from today's headlines. I don't know. The Law & Order model for everything.

Did you see Law & Order this week? It was a Rihanna, Chris Brown style. I heard that. Oh, I like it when they simulate show business. There's no way they did that well. Oh, she died immediately. Like the moment she went back to him. Oh, man way they did that well. There's no way they did that well. Oh, she died immediately. Like the moment she went back to him. Jesus. Oh.

Man, I don't know. There's something really fun about the idea of being like a writer on a show where you're like, I'm gonna write what I think is the inevitable conclusion of this scenario. It's also passive-aggressive. Just tell her. Just write her a letter. This is a bad idea. See what's gonna happen.

They should have a time machine. They should have Future Her come visit. My favorite thing about that was they don't know how technology works. So like the law and order. Yeah, yeah. Oh, she just tweeted this and it's a picture of her with the text on the picture. Like that's not how Twitter works. of her with the text on the picture like that's not how Twitter but they have enough people watching who wouldn't know either yeah I was like I mean that

longer cuts across all demographics mm-hmm yeah but it skews older I'm gonna say the world is scary I saw them on order yeah what was the guy this is just like what happened to nicole and nicole smith the guy who created the wire um he said in an interview that he did like a statistical comparison one year and there were more murders on law and order than there were in all of new york in that same like in a year law and order had more murders than actual new york so and also more actual murders than uh oh yeah yeah yeah tons of people die in real life in law and order they don't tell you that but they they just... Sam Watterson needs the blood. And Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Oh, not a heck of a lot. Speaking of blood... There will be some. I don't watch these Real Housewives shows, but the second season of Real Housewives of Vancouver has started up. Have you watched any of these, Harry? No. The Real Housewives. I have not, but also I didn't know there was one in Vancouver. Yeah.

Unfortunately. It's Canada's only. It's Canada's shame. Yeah. And it's not – like the Canadian version of American things is always terrible. Does this air in America as well? I don't think so. Okay.

No, but America has several versions. Yeah, they've got your Orange Counties, New Jersey's, etc. Yeah. Real housewives on a boat. Yeah. And did it all start after Desperate Housewives? Because these women aren't real. They're not real housewives.

There's nothing real about them. Yeah, that's true. Except that the show is unscripted yeah i like it in a way because i feel like so much of television is poverty tourism like watching poor people embarrass themselves i like the idea it's the other way around like oh these rich people are morons yeah it's true but also i don't know it's again it's still tourism where you're like yeah you're just trying to feel better about your life. But I would rather feel better about my life because look at these rich idiots versus like.

Touche. Yeah. And I think there are things that happen on these shows that become trends. Right. Like I'd never heard of this thing that I saw on this episode. It's called a. Well well there's a woman was turning 34 she's a real housewife uh and 34 again yeah when you turn 34 you know how your body's falling apart uh that's the oldest you could possibly be uh so she was treating herself to

a it's called a um so i'm already laughing laughing. It's called a vampire facelift. There you go. You do it over the weekend. Science has failed. This is not what science was for. And all these women are obsessed with filler. They call it Botox or collagen.

Whatever you pump into your face to get rid of wrinkles, which always looks great. Exactly. It's a flawless treatment yeah no everyone's fooled every time you look 10 years younger how will these bodies decay i wonder with all this plastic and all sorts of like how does or does that what are the environmental effects of like plastic? Oh, good question. What happens to your implants? What's the half-life on that? Ugh, yeah.

If there's breast implants in a graveyard where there's a flood, do they float out to sea and get caught around a dolphin's neck? Oh, yeah. Think about that. Does the dolphin then become a sexy dolphin? Does it then pose in Playboy? Play Finn. Um, dumb. But the

vampire facelift it doesn't use any artificial products. They take the blood from your arm Gross. And inject it into your face. I feel like that wouldn't do anything.

Well, it feels like your body would just quickly figure it out and be like, reassign this new blood back to the area that has none, the arm. What does that do? It's just a different kind of filler as they call it huh so instead of putting in something new to the system you're just taking out something old something boring something yeah these are all blue bloods uh yeah so but then did they show what it looked like after did it look like botox no it didn't look like show what it looked like after? Did it look like Botox? No, it didn't look like anything. Oh, okay. It looked like, you know, yeah.

A lot of wasted money. You took some blood out and put it right back in. What if that became a thing? Like if it was just like that was the new thing where kids just took blood out and then just waited 10 minutes and then put it back in and they just felt so energized. Yeah, like take some blood out and then just waited 10 minutes and then put it back in and they just felt so energized. Yeah. Like, uh, take some blood out,

mix it with some sweet and love. Um, that's so weird. That's better though than the other ways people get high. Like if they just carry blood around. Yeah. Isn't that like, I'm not entirely

certain what lance armstrong did but i feel like part of it was just he had other blood put into his blood yeah blood doping right that's blood doping right yeah where you take the blood out yeah you it's oxygenated i think you put it you you you know put some vitamin water in it you mix your blood you put it in the centrifuge. Yeah, you do it. It's very guess-a-check. Just bloop. Oh, nope.

Too much. You put oxygen in by just putting a straw in and blowing. Do you need to say don't try this at home? No, people know not to do that. No, they'll try it. Yeah, absolutely try it. We advocate blood doping. Send us a Vine try it. Yeah, absolutely try it. We advocate blood doping. Send us a Vine video if that turns out.

Yeah, the Real Housewives show in the other – like in America, it thrives very much on that they're always in conflict with each other because they're all terrible people. with each other because they're all uh terrible people right but the vancouver one also has that but it feels like it's constantly being stoked like there oh yeah there's only one that they don't like and that one keeps getting invited to all the parties yeah yeah there is a bit of that but it's also um they're just like why are there so many events that they all have to attend? That's true. And also, why have I never seen any of them? Right? Oh, I saw one of them in the mall the other day. Really?

A couple months ago, yeah. Gross. Yeah. What was she doing in the mall? Oh, just shopping. This is what they do. At a regular human mall? Yeah, a human mall. Huh.

A lot of the places that they go in Vancouver I've never heard of, and I'm not 100% convinced exist. Like, they're like, we're going to, you know, twerk or whatever. And then you're like, I've never heard of twerk. Yeah. But it could be any restaurant that they've just renamed something. Like, maybe they're just shooting in the same four earls and just calling it different things and drinking a blue liquid at one. On the episode yesterday, they were at this really nice restaurant that's across the street

from just a white spot that's not much to look at. But the camera was on the wrong side, so you kept seeing them arrive, but you kept getting the view of the restaurant that's been there for 60 years. Yeah. Some guy eating outside next there for 60 years. Yeah. Some guy eating outside next to a garbage can with his pants nearly falling down. So you are getting the Canadian version of whatever I imagine these Real Housewives shows are. But it's not as bad as some Canadian versions. Yeah.

All of the Canadian versions of American shows are like... What other Canadian versions are there of American shows? Canada's american shows are like what are the canadian versions are there of american shows canada's got talent so you're thinking of dance canada it's true is everything kind of tongue-in-cheek or kind of like no no no they're not except none of them are expecting to get a career right right run what project runway canada yeah model really that one was not good that one wasn't good what was the other one the the cooking one uh a top chef canada top chef canada that one's all right they all sound like sketches that american comedy shows yeah

it's very i don't know it's a lot of things Canadians do great. And television, sometimes not. Hit or miss. Yeah, it can be real hit or miss here in Great White North. Does that lead to shows for you all to write on and do and stuff? Not us, but I'm sure somebody's got to do it. Yeah, people are writing. What do comics do here in terms of like, is there acting?

Oh, they move to America. But there's no like acting or writing work and shit? There's a bit. There's some. What do comics do here? Like in terms of like, is there, they moved to America. Is it, but there's no like acting or writing work and shit. There's a bit, there's some, I mean, you know, but it's limited.

There's like, what's Canada's most popular television show? Murdoch mysteries. Currently. Probably Murdoch. Yeah. Murdoch mysteries or maybe Arctic air. Oh yeah.

Or heartland. Murdoch Mysteries takes place in turn-of-the-century Canada about a detective. Yeah, turn-of-the-20th century, like 19th to 20th. Oh, yeah. Not the turn-of-the-century 12 years ago. Oh, that show like that needs to be made. Yeah, but it's like, yeah, he uses, I've never watched it. He's using Netscape Navigator.

Oh, I just heard this funny comedian named Dane Cook. Oh man, I would really watch the shit out of a show like that. Actually, I'm watching an old series that was really popular and then nobody it's not like the wire or like lost or something that people continue to watch is a show called the shield oh yeah yeah with michael chiklis and it's good it's like a good show i mean as far as a cop procedural goes but there's a lot of stuff that's very like specifically like 2003 like there's one guy who has you know frosted tips and he's wearing like a pair of pants that you could have only bought that year right and he's got like a leather wristband it's very like it's all these tiny

little details you're like oh there was things going on 2003 that aren't going well there's a new show called the americans okay that is set in the 80s. Kerry Russell's in that. Kerry Russell. That's FX. Yeah. And they're Soviet spies. Yeah.

Oh. Oh. I don't know if I'm interested in that. What about a show that takes place in the 90s? Gross. Nobody wants that. But I like the idea of someone using forensic technology from the early 2000s like from the first csi uh but yeah no this murdoch mysteries i've never watched

it have you it's it's he uses forensics apparently yeah i've watched one whatever that is whatever that is nobody actually knows the camera zooms in on a hair he tastes the hair I watched an episode of it with past guest Alicia Tobin

at a restaurant and I convinced her that can you turn up Murdoch Mysteries please I convinced her that Murdoch was a time traveler and that every time she was looking away from

the TV that he was driving around in a Ferrari. And then when she looked back, I was like, oh, no, he just parked the Ferrari. Got out. You missed it. That he was zipping back and forth in time. Anyways, I kept that going for a long time, much longer than I thought it was possible. And so I don't know what the show's about. I think it's about a time-traveling cop

from the turn of the century. Well, it sounds good. Yeah, I look forward to watching it again. He's naturally handsome. He doesn't need to do any vampire lifts. Oh, a vampire lift sounds like an exercise. Oh, I was thinking it was something you add to your shoes

to make you kind of hover above the ground. I was thinking they were kind of like upside down, like you're hanging by your feet and doing curls. Ten high-yi-ya. Is that what vampires say? I saw a show in the hotel. I forgot the

name of the dude, but I think he was a Greek fellow who had a very long last name. George Strombolopoulos? Yeah! That must be him. Is he a big deal here? He is a big deal. I watched and I'm like, wow, he could not be a big deal in the U.S.

That's very interesting. Why do you think because of his long last name? That doesn't help. Just something about his attitude and the way he was. He was too cool for school. He got kicked out of school. He's a guy who wouldn't... Who is he?

Tell me who this man is. He was a radio DJ, and then he became a much music VJ. Okay. And he was like... That's short for vagina. Yep. It's short for pajamas. was like... That's short for vagina.

Yep. It's short for pajamas. And he was like the only one who was good at his job. Like he would report the news on Much Music, and then they gave him this show, and it's like long-form interviews. It was well-produced. Yeah, yeah.

And he, yeah. I don't know what else to do. It was well-produced. Yeah, yeah. And he, yeah. I don't know what else to do. It's not a comedy show. No. It's like Charlie Rose if Charlie Rose was on a well-lit set. And less creepy. Yeah. Yeah.

If Charlie Rose was 50 years younger. Right. Yeah. He's like our – that's the thing. Canada can only have one of all the things. Like in America, you have, say, 50 guys who are interviewers. We have one guy. Right, right, right.

And that's him. Right, right. George Zambalopoulos is our nation's interviewer. Yeah, he's our Gian Gomeshi. I just realized the arrogance of me, Hari Kondabolu, saying that man's name was too long. I was going to say it. Now that multiple, like more than three syllables are now allowed in America.

Yeah. Ah, that guy, too much. I'm the limit. Me and Zach Galifianakis are the limit. Nothing past that. Yeah, it used to be John Wayne was the only

interviewer in the state. Yeah. Yeah, so that's it for me. I got a vampire facelift. Yeah, you look great. Thank you. You've really taken years off or put years in. Blah. What's going on with you?

Not much. There's one thing that we were kind of asked to talk about on the show that is something that affects – I don't know that it affects in Canada. Yeah, I'm not certain about this. Yeah, our side of the border. But certainly a lot of our listeners are in the States and this affects you as a podcaster, Hari. There's some creep. I don't know his name but he claims to have the patent on basically

podcasting technology it's a creep company oh yeah Creepco and he's doing the patent trolling thing where he's saying he has this patent he's gonna sue anybody that

has a podcast. And he's written letters. Like, there's big-name podcasts have been approached. Adam Carolla has. Yeah, Mark Maron, and I think the Kanabalu brothers were approached. No! We just started! We have four episodes! We destroyed our lives

for four episodes! You're gonna have to pay up big time. That basement you used to live in? Gone. Wait, he's suing because he made the technology but why would he sue us and not iTunes or Apple or whatever? Oh, he has.

But the way it works, like he sues you in, he files the court case somewhere in like backwoods Texas where people don't really know the technology and the jury will be like, oh, okay, yeah, you win. Yeah.

So he has a chance of winning. And so, and to fight a court case like this is like a million dollars. So people will just be like, OK, well, we'll settle for half a million dollars. And that's what patent trolling I guess is? Yeah. That's the whole scheme is like I'm going to sue you legitimately in quotes but I'll take you to court. And instead of you having to go to court they'll

just take whatever money you have right and settle with you but this patent uh the the thing with these patent trolls is it's like very loose the patent that they own is a thing that uh it's happened a lot to like companies where somebody says like i created the the checkout button on a website like i own the patent to that right but it's a thing that like not one person invented right you know what i mean like it's somebody who bought up a patent from somewhere or just saw that there was a technology that had kind of come into existence, but nobody owned a patent on it. Right.

Because enough people came up with it independently of each other. Right. And this claim is something about like the patent on transmitting episodic audio content over the internet. Yeah. Like this guy's claiming he owns the idea of a podcast. Right. Can he actually get money from us?

Well, that's the thing that's going on right now. People are... If this guy is able to get a precedent, then he will legally be able to sue podcasts and try and

get money out of them. So there's a group. I can't remember the name of the group, but they put together a thing called the Shield Act, which is to block this kind of – basically it's like if – It works like a shield. Michael Chiklis is there. Someone's got frosted tips. Picture – like basically the Shield act would make it so that

if if i was the guy that owned the patent and i was going to sue you yeah and the lawsuit was unsuccessful because you know it's too superfluous that i say that i own podcasting uh i would owe you the legal fees like we still have to pay initial legal fees then? Yeah, but if I lose, like right now, if I lose, it doesn't matter. You lose all your money from legal fees. I don't lose any money. But it's still like a strange game that none of us wanted to be a part of. Oh, yeah, of course.

It's the most dangerous game. Well, next to Hunting Man. uh it's the most dangerous game well next to hunting man um so anyways there's this shield act uh that's starting up as uh as kind of a you know it's gonna try and make the law it's gonna make it uh more difficult for anybody to just like file these frivolous lawsuits right because now they're gonna be on the hook for money if they lose which they most likely will every podcaster only like the most famous podcaster i don't know i don't know this guy i don't know someone's looking out for number one i don't think we have anything to worry about just yet yeah but you know it's a it's a thing

that concerns yeah and people like people who like podcasts should know that this thing is happening. And it's weird. So it's not the concept of podcasts. It's the iTunes part of it? No, it's the concept of podcasts. It's the very core of podcasting is that. Wait, can you explain to an episodic? I don't know the exact wording but it's

like broad enough that he could go after anyone but that's been around forever exactly like radio pro is he gonna sue the concept of sound over the internet it's over the internet so my god because it's a big enough idea that nobody invented it. Nobody owned a patent to it. This guy was able to find a patent. It almost feels like a given, though, because there's a tradition of this kind of thing. So it's like, how could it be patented? Ah, but that's the weird patent law. But doesn't God have a patent over everything? Yes.

Finally, someone said it. That's my argument in court. But at the moment, there's no pope. So who's enforcing it? It's true. Yeah, we're in between. It's like Substitute Teacher Day in religion. Everybody's switching nests.

It's times like this where I wish I was religious. We're like, well, technically, we can go with the God defense. God created it. God gave you the idea. I'm going to subpoena God or his closest representative. I created the concept of God. This has not been patented. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Yeah, so anyway, so that's happening in your home in your home country so you both are fine we don't know well we don't know i mean you're fine for now i like my podcast yeah i need to hang out with my brother and talk about stuff yeah so like does he own my brother does he own our love well he always had a patent on your brother on the idea of your brother but your brother mitch brothers caring for each other i own that yeah yeah brotherly love my concept two entities related to each other expressing feelings to one another. Over the internet. Over the internet. But yeah, so like, you know, write your local shield act. Well, no, we'll post a link on the blog, stoppodcastingyourself.com, to where you can go. And it takes like two seconds to find out how to pressure your rep.

If there's two things to take away from this week's episode, it's the S.H.I.E.L.D. act and that you should watch the S.H.I.E.L.D. Because it's underrated and I think it hasn't aged necessarily that well. It was pretty well rated for a while. People were like, oh, you've got to watch the S.H.I.E.L.D. And everyone was like, eventually.

I know, I'm picking up the slack. I'm watching it for all you. I'm kind of like Jesus. I'm watching the for all of you. I'm kind of like Jesus. I'm watching The Shield so that you don't have to. Sure. How about The Commish? Nobody wants to go back on The Commish. No, no one wants to do that. Wasn't The Commish like a comedy?

Kind of. It was filmed in Vancouver. I know that. What? It was on for a long time, too. Deep Vancouver roots. I feel like The Commish was on late at night constantly. It was on Saturdays.

Yeah. Nobody watched it, but it was there forever. Yeah. I feel like the font on the commish opening titles was very cartoony, if not a bunch of kids' blocks that spelled out the commish. Are you confusing the commish and the critic? The cartoon? John Lovitz as Jay Sherman.

I'm confusing Chiglis and his other role the thing yeah it was it was uh he was on a cup he was a little animated man on a cup oh i'm thinking of teeny little super guy that was from uh sesame street i was gonna say safeway but yeah that is the right word. Oh, guys. Do you want to move on to overheards? Was that a sentence? Do you want to move on to overheards? Yeah.

Overheards. Time for overheards. Now, overheards is a segment. Now, Graham, shut up. Before we move on to overheards, I really want to talk about how great I think overheards are. Oh, okay. What I love about them is that they give us a chance to get interrupted. Because it's time for my favorite segment.

Not just mine. I'd say America's favorite segment. A little segment called Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. It's the Hulk Hogan News. Do we have a theme song? I don't think there is one this week. Ah, nuts.

There might have been. We'll get to it next week. This week in Hulk Hogan news. Now, what is Hulk Hogan news? Hulk Hogan news from helping Dave rip a shirt off of me at Max FunCon. We don't do it at the tapings in the house. You don't rip your shirt off during every podcast? No, but I did it this week at the

wrestling show. Graham, it was the first ever edition of a live show called Ring-a-Ding-Dong Dandy in which Graham and Ryan Beal, thanks for the invite, Dave will be on the next one. Over your dead

body. Dave will be on the next one over your dead body watch clips of old wrestling yeah old professional wrestling and chat about it while it's on and I had confetti in my pockets that I threw out

when I entered the show and I tore my shirt off you showed clips of the ultimate warrior on Regis and Kathy Lee. Yeah, and Arsenio. And Arsenio. I actually, the next day I was looking for pictures of Peter Gabriel. Why? Because Peter Gabriel's makeup at one point was very similar to the Ultimate Warrior's

makeup. I was trying to find screen captures, but I couldn't really. But I did find a video of Phil Collins wrestling the Ultimate Warrior. There was something in the air that night. I would love to see a video of Phil Collins wrestling Peter Gabriel. It exists, but it's like the Faces of Death videos. You have to know a guy that has a copy. So this week in Hulk Hogan news, WrestleMania is coming up.

And that's a book where there's a different wrestler of every letter of the alphabet on every page. It's WrestleMania is a disease. That's WrestleMania. Yeah. every letter of the alphabet onto every page. It's WrestleMania is a disease. Oh, that's WrestleMania. And during WrestleMania, Hulk Hogan's not in attendance. He's not part of the WWE at this point. Sure. But he is doing Hulk Hogan uncensored at the Beacon Theater in New York City. It's a Q&A featuring Hulk Hogan and friends.

Well, maybe wrestlers, maybe not. Does he do that at casinos? I feel like this could be a show that would be toured through casinos. Like they do with Gene Simmons and his family. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not like Gene Simmons' kids that formed a a was it a jazz a jazz band yeah jazz trio with some guy in a toupee on piano this is all true stuff is this just a q a that hell

yes so there's it's not a solo show it's not like a one-man show no oh god would that be amazing is it ronnie roddy piper do that uh i don't know. Yeah, maybe. I know. He does. He might do, like, stand-up. I know he did kind of stand-up. Kind of stand-up. Like, oh, but if Hulk, like, walks out on stage, he's like, oh, hello there. Or they just sit down on a chair and then smashes it on somebody's back. Just him in a chair.

So here's the thing It's at the Beacon Theatre Is that a good theatre in New York? Yeah The tickets range from $30 to $300 What do you get for $300? For $300, I'm glad you asked Gets you access to a meet and greet

With Hogan and Company Who's the company? They don't say iron cheek Jimmy Snuka live I feel like is in the deceased call that was one of the things watching the live show that you did yeah a lot of the wrestlers yeah like over 50% of them. Yeah, yeah. Giant Gonzalez. Andre the Giant.

Yokozuna. There was another one. Undertaker, ironically alive. Yeah. That's true. The guy most associated with death could not be more alive. He's really in charge of death, though. He's death's boss.

Death reports directly to the undertaker anyway so you can get tickets it's April 5th Hulk Hogan will be doing

a Q&A at the Beacon Theater in New York City Harry will you be in town? maybe you'll be one of the friends

I will be in town Hogan and Co yeah oh it's he does some improv at the end my eye is just bugged out i did not know uh hulk hogan's name was hulk hogan for a good chunk of my childhood

because i knew a kid who used to call him hulk hogan yeah and i think that's pretty common hulk hogan and then i'm like yes yes, I also like this Hulk Hogan. So, like, you thought it was, like, H-O-K? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think the spelling connected. It was just like, you know, Hulk Hogan. I love Hulk Hogan.

Because some kid called him Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. It's like Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. Homemade Hulk Hogan. That's not spelled like ho. Is that how you pronounce ho? That's so weird. Hulk Hogan. That's not spelled like ho. Is that how you pronounce ho?

That's so weird. Hulk Hogan. So tickets still available. Like the Incredible Hulk. Right. Okay, now it's time for really, really for overheards, guys. Okay. Okay.

We like to start with the guest. Hari, if you would, lead the charge. I have brought two. Yeah. Awesome. Do you want to do one and then Dave will do one and I'll do one and then you do the other one? That sounds good. That sounds all right.

I overheard this in an airport coming here. A man was on his phone and he said this. There was a gas leak. Is she okay? All right. Call me back. Call me back. Call me back. Don't know what happened after that.

Oh, no. No idea if he went back to eating a sandwich. That was weird, though. After that, he was like, all right, back to my sandwich. I'm satisfied. I'm still alive. I'm eating the sandwich. Is she okay?

Call me back. Yeah. That sounds like you're busy right now. Is she okay? I can't tell. She's not breathing. Well, call me back. Yeah. That sounds like you're busy right now. Is she okay? I can't tell. She's not breathing. Well, call me back. Yeah, can you call me back when people stop screaming in the background?

I'm trying to eat. Anyway, we hope she's okay. Yeah, we wish her the best. We hope they contain that gas leak. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Or at least that he had a nice flight. These are all things that... Possible outcomes, right? Dave, do you have an overhand? Absolutely. Or at least that he had a nice flight. These are all things that possible outcomes.

Yeah. Dave, do you have an overview? Mine is from Safeway, the aforementioned Safeway. Home of Big Bird. A grocery store. And I was in the self-checkout line checking myself out. So it's just a line with a bunch of mirrors. And so I've got a bunch of groceries.

Like, it's too much for the self-checkout line. But all the other lineups were too long. So I was doing my own groceries. And there's a woman who sort of hovers, who works there, who's like, in case you have any problems with the checkout, she'll come and help you. Otherwise, she's just, you know, shooting the breeze with people walking by. Sure. And this old lady, this all happened over my shoulder. So I'm not sure about the nationality of this woman, but she sounded old and she sounded like she might have been European, Eastern European.

Oh. European, Eastern European. And she recognized the employee and they had a little back and forth. And the employee was like, oh, how have you been? Oh, I'm great. I don't do voice. She was an ogre. I am great. I am how you say great.

How are you? And the employee was like, oh, I'm not so good. I have strep throat. And the woman was like, okay, well, I give you space. And the employee was like, no, it's okay, as long as we don't kiss or anything. Like, you know, like, blah, blah, blah. And she did, like, a fake makeout thing. And the old woman was like, fake makeout thing and this uh uh the old woman

was like but we don't do this like yeah why would we kiss so uh yeah she's so worried about strap yeah we are we are not there yet in our relationship imagine if she just got terribly disappointed. You've been leading me on. I've been coming to the safe way for that reason alone for the last 10 years. We're never going to kiss. It's not going to happen? Oh, my God.

But we don't do that. The ratings are too good to ruin the sexual tension. This old lady doesn't eat food. She's only going to the safe way to make out with you. I find that a few shows I watch, I can't name them. Real Housewives of Vancouver. Have been like tipping

the sexual tension thing too much. Like on the new girl thing too much. Like? On the new girl that happened. That's out there. So what do you mean tipping it? Where there's like, you know how on Friends there was like years and years of will Ross and Rachel ever get together? Yeah, will Joey and Chandler finally admit their love for each other? I can't think of any other examples, but I feel like there are a couple.

Daphne and Niles. No no but like of current tv shows pam and uh what's his name uh jim jim and pam yeah um but like on the new girl and i think another show i can't remember um the couple just like got together kissed way too soon you're like oh f and Barney. I didn't know we were waiting for this to happen, and it's happened. Yeah. I don't know. It's kind of like, eh. I want something fresh. I want somebody to fall in love with a ghost, and not be able to tell that ghost that it feels that way.

Or a person falls in love with a computer, and the computer doesn't understand love, and then finally gets a program upgrade that has like a love platform and then the computer is in love with the person but the person's moved on now the person's in a relationship and the computer is longing for the person but only knows what love is recently these are the loves computer can't do anything about it yeah yeah it's a computer. Yeah, it doesn't wear tennis shoes. It can't walk around. My overheard is it's an overseen.

And it was just a great moment of like a good quick karmic payback. It was a guy I was riding on the bus with. And he tried to get off the bus before the stop. Uh, the bus was stopped at a red light and he started, uh, smashing his fists on the door to get it to open. Yeah. And I, uh, I told him, I was like, uh, you gotta chill out, man.

That's not going to work because, uh, the stops across the light and he chilled out for a second. And then as soon as we got across the light, started pounding on that door again and the door opened up and he ran off of the bus and he was like, kind of like just not looking out for anybody, you know, he was kind of just running down the street,

not looking up for anybody. And then he kind of tried to do a little, a little parkour off of a cement potted plant. And his foot went into the dirt, and the whole thing tipped over. It was great. It was so great. Because he really was just, man,

he was out to be the coolest cool, and he really just screwed it up. Like a bull in a china shop, trying to be cool. Yeah. So it was just great, because he was just being a real shit and he got his just desserts. Yeah. Finally, someone on the bus gets taken down a notch.

Riding so high with the, you know, pulling onto that bar. That was the thing. Last night I was talking on stage about taking the bus and a lady in the middle of it said, it's not so bad. And I was like, do you own a car? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, do you own a car? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, what the fuck do you have to say about it? It's not so bad if you're a driver.

I own a car and I take the bus. And it's terrible. It's terrible. It's the worst. Absolutely. Also, why would she interrupt? Hey, fuck your joke premise. I just want to say, fuck your joke premise.

There was a lot of that last night. To be fair, there was a lot of I've got something interesting to add to your premise. Now, Hari, you have a second one. Oh, yeah. While Graham looks through his phone. What a jerk. Here we go. This is

something that I overheard at a coffee shop in Park Slope, Brooklyn, New York. Watch out. A kid turned to his mother, I assume it was his mother, and says, does God have a girlfriend? The mother then responded, no, he's too busy creating and destroying the world. And then my brain exploded. And I went right to Twitter. What?

Yeah. You are the parent I would like to become. But, like, he's done creating. Well, you know, he's always coming up with new spins on things. And he's kind of on a promo tour. Like life and death. Yeah. Life and death.

He's mostly about his career right now. He can't make room for a girlfriend. But like, yeah, he's mostly destroying the world at this point. Well, that's just, that's a kind of a conversation you have to have with a kid because a kid's so young you can't say the truth, which is God is gay. You can't say, God likes other men. Yeah. God's a man, not a man. And God's keeping his options open right now.

Right. God is playing the field. God is polyamorous. I think that would be great. What? If God, you know, had a few irons in the fire. Yeah, absolutely. If not God, who?

Right? Mm-hmm. I really like that answer. You're right. That parent is raising the good. If not God, who? Right? Mm-hmm. I really like that answer. You're right. That parent is raising a good, thoughtful kid. And what a cool question. It's not like, does God have a wife? Right.

Is God, you know, seeing anybody? Is there a Mrs. God? Is God waiting for marriage? I was hoping the next step is the kid saying, does she have a girlfriend? If the kid assumes God's a woman, that's like, all right, this is the next step is the kid saying does she have a girlfriend? If the kid assumes God's a woman that's like alright this is the

coolest kid in the world. This kid's gonna be great. Yeah. I think that kid's gonna be alright. I mean he's growing up in what Park Slope?

That's where all the hip kids are right? Yeah. It's like older it's like yuppie-ish. Kids wearing baby Bjorns with other kids

in them. That's hilarious. Would you like your five-year-old to carry some of the slack? Five-year-old carrying a one-year-old. I mean, that's how it's been done for centuries. We just haven't

had the Bjorns for them. It's true. Babies having babies. Bjorns. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in to us from all over the world. And if you want to be one of those people who sends in an overheard, you can send it to us at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. And our first one comes from right here in Vancouver. It comes from Arielle D. She's a studying mermaid, studies at UBC.

Arielle D. Mermaid. I overheard this gem while riding the bus home from UBC the other day. Two guys were talking when all of a sudden one of them yelled, I forgot to lock the monkey cage. Oh, God. Thankfully, the bus was at a stop because he proceeded to push open the doors and run back towards campus. And that man was Matthew Brock. He ran off the bus and parkoured his way into a plant.

I didn't think about that, that this guy may have been trying to save us from the monkeys. Was the guy on your bus, was it just all of a sudden he needed off that bus? Yeah. Did you notice if he had just gotten a text or something? Nope, nothing like that. He just all of a sudden just started having a fit. And he was a young guy. He had a backpack.

He looked like a guy who would be into parkour. Or at least would have taken an introductory course. Have you ever tried parkour? What is parkour? Parkour is freestyle running. It is. It's like when people will jump on, like, climb up the side of a building or run. Jump between buildings.

Jump off of a dumpster into a pile of dog shit. Yeah, there was a James Bond movie two movies ago, maybe, where he parkoured. He had a parkour chase through a construction site. Yeah, you've seen, like, surely you've seen video of this where people are, like, running on things. Yeah, and jump, like, kind of scaling the side of a building, like jumping from a bench up to a ledge and then off of the ledge up to something else. Like that they're cutting?

You mean like it's edited after? No, no, they're actually doing this. Like it's using, what is the kind of, it's like using your body in the urban landscape and you're kind of like, like doing what mountain climbers do, but in cities. Adults are doing this. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Not just like little kids.

I mean, the kids at heart. Right. We should all be so lucky. We could learn a lot from these parkourists. Parkourists. It's true. Keep parkour in your heart every day every day's parkour day um so yeah uh anyways um that's uh well i don't know how we got started

on parkour i asked if you had ever tried it have you tried it no no no i feel like it would be painful i'm looking at this in America, too? Yeah. I think it's... We don't have health insurance in America. Yeah. Pah-hoo. Pah-hoo. But I think it would be very big in New York.

Yeah, there's a lot of... Your Spider-mans and whatnot. Yeah. Peter Parkour. Oh, man. I can't believe I've never heard that before. That is great. I've never heard of the podcast.

No, no, no. You raised it to the next level. That was great. I didn't know the podcast. No, no, no. You raised it to the next level. This was, we're in a bit of a lull there, but Peter Parkour really did it. Really did it. It's awful. Nope. Not from where I'm sitting. All right.

The next one. Yeah. The next of the overheards. Yeah. Comes from Charlie in Melbourne, Australia. Australia? Australia. This was on the train, eavesdropping on two 50-something-year-old ladies' dumb conversation.

I reckon. Yeah, mate. The other day, so they were talking about, they were trying to come up with the name of a Mel Gibson movie. The one where he has those scars, where he teaches that boy. She couldn't pull it, so the conversation drifted into other areas. Then something clicked and she said, the man with the horrible face. What was that boat sinking movie? Boat sink!

The boat that couldn't float. It was a man with two faces, right? A man without a face. Man without a face. Eyes without a face. That movie about the Star Wars? Oh, yeah. War Stars.

I reckon. And this last one. How could they? They're Australian. How could they not know every Mel Gibson movie? Yeah, he was the very... And every Midnight Oil album. He was the first...

Are they really? I actually have not listened to Midnight Oil other than a live performance on Saturday Night Live that used to re-air on Comedy Central constantly in the 90s. Did they sing Beds Are Burning? Probably. Yeah, yeah. But the comedian Dwayne Kennedy is a huge fan of Midnight Oil. So he likes them and I like Dwayne. Therefore, I just said they were good.

Ah, there you go. Is he Australian? He's from Chicago. Who was the host when midnight oil was the musical guest or did they host and were they were the proto adam levine they were the proto bruno mars um this uh more of that please much, MuchMusic. Yeah, absolutely. I believe Justin Timberlake's doing it in a couple weeks. Hope he does Omeletteville. Do you think that Jay-Z will stop by and do a

duet? Sure, he'll take the subway there with an old lady. Adorable. Did you see that video? I did see that video. Required viewing in your city, I assume. Okay.

She's apparently a famous artist as well. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. They didn't make a lot of hay of that. Yeah. Anonymous lady gets to know Jay-Z. Except in old people's circles, it's whatever her name is. Yeah, gets to know a young rapper.

Yeah, exactly. Apparently all the most successful artists take the subway yeah it's true yeah i'll tell you that's a fact yeah uh this last one comes to us uh from rebecca c from here in vancouver british columbia canada i used to work at a new age bookstore in vanc which shall remain nameless. I don't know how many there could have been. I don't know. Wet Wizard Books isn't open anymore. At company parties and events, before eating, we would always have to hold hands in a big circle

and talk about how grateful we were for the food, each other, the weather, etc. And listen to the boss read us one of his poems. One year. Yeah, good thing you didn't name the store. They'll never figure this out. One year when funds were tight, we had our Christmas party at the Legion. We were in the upstairs room while another party was going on downstairs. With all the staff and their partners, there was about 30 to 40 people there.

When the time came to eat, we all got in our circle and grabbed hands. As management was droning on, the guy holding hands with the employee next to me turned to him and said quietly, I think I'm at the wrong party. He then detached himself from the circle and slunk off downstairs.

That is terrific. Yeah, he shows up, he's just like the boyfriend of some girl who's there, he's like, where's my girlfriend? I'll just sit in the circle. Here's the thing. They were all at the wrong party. I wonder what kind of work, too. He was like, this doesn't seem like the demolition company.

I love that she said, oh, one year when funds were tight. I was expecting it to be like, the boss couldn't write a very good poem because funds were tight. I mean, it's just, there was a movie with Tina Fey and Steve Martin was her boss. Baby Mama. Baby Mama. That's what that seems like. Like just a boss that like whispers in your ear and like gives you massages that you don't want. that like whispers in your ear and like gives you massages that you don't want but not they're not sexual because it's he's a weird uh forest creature kind of thing right yeah there's a lot

of that around town there's a lot of sort of like touchy no just sort of uh uh new agey even big businesses have a bit of that yeah that's true even true. Even, yeah. It's kind of like... I'm sorry. I'm basically... I feel that that's probably what Lululemon is like. Oh, yeah. There's probably a lot of... Lululemon.

It's a yoga company. They make yoga. Yeah, they make yoga. Yeah. They have the steamiest smokestacks in the city. Manufacturing hot yoga. Yeah, you can smell it from miles around. They make the pants.

Yeah, they make the pants that make the butt. Right. Everybody's appreciated. They make a Bikram action figure. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hey, Dave Graham and cool guests. This is Zach from Chicago, and I have an overheard for you. I was on the bus minding my own beeswax when I saw a few rows ahead of me there was this man describing in a very animated way something to a lady.

And at first I wasn't really paying attention, but I listened in after a bit. He kept going on about it. He was saying, and then Tim Allen takes John Travolta's pills, and then John Travolta takes the other guy's pills, and the other guy takes Tim Allen's pills, and they all Travolta's pills. And then John Travolta takes the other guy's pills. And the other guy takes Tim Allen's pills. And they all take each other's pills. And I realized that he was describing the movie Old Dogs to her. And he's saying, yeah, you have to watch it.

It's so funny. It's the best movie. It's so good. And then the next thing I heard was oh that was my stop he missed a stop describing all dogs that's funny so he's just describing a man who apparently has only seen one movie before so he's excited about that well because there's no way he's seen other movies like if you like all dogs that much when he first started saying

what do you relate to my shift at the one video store the video store that only sells old dogs what's the difference between old dogs and wild hogs is john travolta in both of them you may what is old dogs it's a motorcycle movie now i thought wild hogs was the motorcycle movie. Okay, I'm going to look this up. Because Wild Hogs... Yeah, but so are Old Dogs. Yeah, well, you can't teach them new tricks.

When he started describing Tim Allen and John Travolta took each other's pills, for a second I was like, oh, is that the... He's describing face-off. Yeah. Or John Travolta and Nicolas Cage take each other's pills. It's very weird to imagine those two people

in a movie together that was successful and that was a part of world history. Face-off? Yeah, like the two because now both of them are like, what, really? Those two? Well, it's weird because Nicolas Cage has won an Oscar. Right.

Wasn't John Charles nominated for Pulp Fiction or no? Maybe. Yeah. They've both had good movies in their catalog. Yes, correct. But now it's like they're kind of a joke piece individually. Yeah. Old Dogs is from 2009, an hour, 28 minutes, which I appreciate. Yeah, absolutely.

It stars John Travolta and Robin Williams as two friends and business partners find their lives turned upside down when strange circumstances lead them to being placed in the care of seven-year-old twins. Wait a minute. So that's not Wild Hogs at all. Tim Allen's not in that at all. So this guy was describing a movie he really likes, but it was the wrong movie. Well, no, the guy calling in mistook Old Hogs for Wild Dogs, which we just did ourselves. That's true.

Wild Hogs has Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence, John Travolta, and William H. Macy riding motorcycles. William H. The H is for... There's no way to make payday. Also, Martin Lawrence doesn't seem like he'd be friends with those people either. That's true. What was the movie where it was Robin? Maybe that's it. Is there a gorilla in that one?

Yeah. I don't know. Oh, yeah. And Seth Green. Seth Green. As a guy that ends up having sexual relations with a gorilla. Yeah. I remember that being in the trailer and being like,

hmm, nice touch, producers. What was Snow Dogs about? Snow Dogs? That was Cuba Gooding Jr. No, was that Snow Day? Nope. Snow Day. Was Chevy Chase.

That's right, Chevy Chase. Snow Dogs was Cuba Gooding Jr. on a cruise for gay people. No. I know. That's boat trip. Have you seen the ads for the Western Canadian movie, the movie out here? No. The movie out there?

What is that, the name of the movie? Yeah, it's produced by Kokanee, the beer company, and it's only released in Western Canada. But it has all your favorites it's got the sasquatch it's got the glacier girls oh sure does it have the ranger and it has snow the rapper what yeah yeah speaking of snow dogs that's why he's is he still around he's a going concern in canada yeah he's canada's rapper yeah he's still he he's... Is he like a dude that shows up on things? He... No, no.

He had a longer career here than he did... So he had non-Informer songs? Yeah. Yeah, like Maestro Fresh West was big up here. What is that? I don't think they even had a Maestro Fresh West. Oh, really? Yeah.

Let your backbone slide. No. Let it slip. Let the rhythm rip. While these lyrics leave my lips. Well, you know Snow. I just, I made a leap there that you would know Maestro Fesh West. Do you have Drake?

It's just, it's just Informer. And then the dude that's also in Informer. Who's that dude? MC Shan. MC, oh, MC Shan. Okay. Yeah, yeah. He knows that Snow won't turn him for it.

Yeah. They got no clues, but they want to get warmer uh here's your next phone call hey dave graham and i'm gonna go with super cute girl guest hopefully hopefully for you guys oh this is ryan a texas bumper i was photographing a area tennis tournament for high school students, and it was a lot of grunts and all that while they're swinging their head, and then a lot of kids swearing under their breath and some just overtly swearing out loud. One kid in a singles match just before he was about to serve, after flubbing his first serve,

kind of reels back and looks up to the sky and just kind of screams, I hate tennis! And then serves. Yeah, I hate tennis too. I'm fine with it. To be in a competitive tennis tournament and hate it so much. Yeah.

I wish he also said, and my mother and father yeah i mostly hate them yeah exactly i shouldn't make uh tennis take the entire fall for this tennis didn't make me play tennis um did you guys ever have a sport oh every sport that your parents made you play? Yeah. Every sport? I didn't really, like, I was fine with soccer. I didn't really like it. But I hated swimming. Like, my mother once put me on a competitive swimming team. I'm a really bad swimmer. She just assumed you'd, like, rise to the occasion?

Everyone on the team hated me. How about you? I played Little League baseball for three years. I batted zero my third year. And I kept stats. I was big on stats.

So imagine keeping the stats on a year you batted zero. I never put a ball in play. They were all strikeouts. I walked five times. Oh, that's good. There was a day where I fouled a ball off and and a kid on the other team, Doug Chonansky.

Is that your last name? Fouled a ball off? Fouled a ball off. How do you foul the ball off? Oh, God. If they were clever enough, if the other team was clever enough to say that, it would have crushed them. He said, look at him.

He's so excited. He fouled a ball off. His coaches are happy. And I felt so upset because I was so excited because I batted zero that I got glasses the next year so that probably was part of it because I batted

one something the previous two years I didn't think I regressed that much the best thing I did that year I remember was I got to second base probably I got hit by the ball and walked somehow don't know how I ended up in second base i wasn't i was a pudgy kid i was slow i found a way to second and i noticed the pitcher was taking a lot of time between each pitch so you could take a walking lead we were allowed to take walking leads at that point so i took a walking lead

were you allowed to steal you were and i took a walking lead and I noticed like he was taking a while. So I just kept walking all the way to third base. Leisurely? Just a casual, like a saunter? By the time he turned to throw, I was there and everyone was like, what just happened? What? Did he just walk to third base? He just walked to third base. I don't even remember if I scored.

I just remember like that was the best thing that ever happened to me. Oh, wow. Yeah. That takes kid courage. Right. To just walk between bases. Nobody had ever done that. Nobody ever thought to do that.

What about you, Graham? Skiing lessons. You hated it? Oh, I hated it. Oh, I hated it. Skiing. Did you make... Cold, sitting on the lift I did not like.

Did you make it to the point where you had poles? Oh, yeah. Okay. I can ski. If it was one of those things where I had to get down a mountain, you know, and there was a pair of skis, I could do that. What I hated the most about skiing was, like, I was a little tiny kid. Yeah. There's a lot i

hated about it but um carrying the stuff yeah like it the the skis don't stick together properly and they're coming undone and they're super uh you always get your hand pinched in between skis and you're wearing boots that are impossible to walk in and when you get you finally put on the skis your boots have been in the snow and so then they don't fit properly. You've got to clean the snow off of the boots in order to get on the ski. Or they fall off halfway down the run. Yeah, hated it. Never gone skiing before.

Well, skip it. I've gone snowshoeing once. Yeah, that's level. That's all level. It's like tennis rackets on your feet. Yeah. I hate tennis. It's easier to draw, though, if you're trying to draw tennis rackets.

If you can draw tennis rackets, you could draw a snowshoe. I guess that's my point. Here's your next. Here's your final phone call. Oh, fun. Oh, this phone call takes place at the, we talked, I think I mentioned White Spot earlier. It's a restaurant where they still have car hops. Oh, yeah.

So what happens is you sit in your car and you open both the windows at the front and they will bring a tray that is like four feet long. How is that? Yeah. Yeah. And it hooks on to your open windows. And, yeah, they just place your food on this really long tray. Here is that phone call. Hey, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest.

This is Laura calling from New Westminster. Earlier today, I was at the White Spot just off of South East Marine. And I was sitting in my car waiting for some pickup. Marine and I was sitting in my car waiting for some pickup and the car across from me had just gotten their big like drive drive-in table piece that they put across the two windows with all their burgers and everything on it and she went to turn on the ignition and I guess the ignition made her window roll back up so all the food was piled and i guess slowly the one window just rolled up and it tilted the entire table and all the milkshakes were slowly falling towards her and as they fell she just leaned into the horn and just honked it for like a solid 20 seconds Oh, man. That is so great.

Anything where food falls just really gets me. Oh, man. And the result is just the impotent rage of just honking a horn for 20 seconds. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. What do I do? Honk the horn. Honk the horn.

And just the food is just sliding off of the thing. Oh, no, no. This is as bad as this could go. Thank God there are no repercussions, and this won't be documented for everyone to hear. I hope nobody's watching. Oh, man, thanks for sending that in. That was great.

Oh, man, oh, man. Well, that there brings us to the end of this here show. Now, Hari, thank you for being here. Oh, this was lovely. Thank you. Do you have anything upcoming that you would like to plug or where people could find you online? Things like that. Yes.

Yes, I can do these things. My brother and I have a podcast called the Untitled Kondabolu Brothers Podcast. You can get that on iTunes and on Libsyn or on kondabolubrothers.com. We'll be doing a live show in New York on March 15th at the People's Improv Theater at 8 p.m. Okay. Tickets still available? Tickets still available on the internet. All right.

I will be doing stand-up in New York at Caroline's on Broadway on April 3rd and 4th. I'll be headlining there. Tickets are on the internet for that. And you can find me on Twitter at Hari Kondabolu. And if you haven't seen Hari perform stand-up comedy, do yourself the favor.

If you're in New York, go see him. Do you have a website? They can go check out future dates? They can go to harikondabolu.com, which was recently hit by a hacker. Yeah. Oh, no. Frey.tv apparently is a website or a bug or something.

Anyway, but they infected my site. And then so now the website is where it has its raw – like the template that comes with the website builder. Right. So it looks really bad. Oh, no. It looks like it's from the early 90s. Yeah. Don't go there.

Follow Hari on Twitter. You're a good Twitterer. Don't go there. Don't go to my site that looks like a Geocities site right now. I've heard really bad things about your website. But, yeah. Okay. And also, you'll be on the um boat party

dot biz yes in september yeah and totally biased with w kamau bell the show i write for comes back uh in uh in may and that's on fx and fx canada yeah uh you know watch it and then watch american horror story or something uh the Old episodes of The Shield. What's the Ron Perlman Wild Hogs show? Oh, where they switch each other's medicine? Yeah. He gives them Hellboy pills. Yeah.

What is it called? Sons of Anarchy. The air up there. Dave, anything to plug? Not personally, but here's the thing. We should probably mention this. Now, we are not going to Chicago. No.

It's not happening. We did a little Google Hangout. Spy down to Chi-Town. Dead in the water. Yeah. But the members of that group thought they should have a meetup. You know, fans of the podcast from Chicago could meet each other. I believe it is happening on March 16th at Wrigley Field.

I might have the venue wrong on that. But that's definitely in Chicago. Yeah, that is definitely happening on March 16th at the Colombian World Exposition. At the murder mansion. No, it is. I don't know where it is happening, but I will post a link to that on the blog at MaximumFun.org. And those are fun people. The people that we had the Google Hangout with, all fun.

We were on there three hours. Yeah, men and women. Yeah. Women in the minority. But hey, come on. They're still... Look, I'm saying there will be women at this meetup. I promise.

Dave's guarantee. I can only promise that because I know God will be there. And yeah, check out MaximumFun.org. There's a new podcast. It's part of the family. Teresa Thorne. It's a podcast for new moms. I can't remember the name of it, but hey.

Then why mention it? A plug's a plug, no matter how bad. And go to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap that accompanies the podcast each and every week. Pictures and videos relating to the content of this week's episode. Probably a clip from Wild Hogs, I would hope. Oh, yeah. Hopefully they have a clip where they switch medicines with Nicolas Cage. Very funny.

I bet you one of them's on boner pills. That's my bet. Oh, yeah. Like, what other pills do old people take in movies? Yeah, exactly. And if you like the show, feel free to wander over to iTunes and leave a review. You know, just saying,

Hey, there you. Thanks. And if you like the show, tell your friends. If you want to get in touch with us, stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. Oh, new email address. Oh, yes. spy at maximumfun.org. Yeah.

Try it. Yeah. Let's see if that works. And thanks for listening and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.