Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 266 - Ivan Decker

Episode Date: April 23, 2013

Comedian Ivan Decker returns to talk 10 Commandments, cereal mascots, and Siskel and Ebert.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 266 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's lying on the cold hard ground, Mr. Dave Shumka. Trouble, trouble, churros. We had some churros before the show. We were singing the churro song for the tune of Taylor Swift's Trouble.

The churro song, that's fun. I knew you were churros when you walked in. Our guest brought us some churros. I knew you were churros when you walked in. Our guest brought us some churros. I knew they were churros when I walked in. This is a little behind the music. Our guest. So shame on me. Returning guest.

Very, very funny comedian. We're very glad to have him back. Mr. Ivan Dicker. I am thrilled to be back. It is delightful. It's all over your face. The thrill. Yeah.

Yeah. I can tell. Should's all over your face, the thrill. Yeah. Yeah. I can tell. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Ivan. Yes.

ID. Now. ID4. You both just crossed your arms. Yes. This is interrogation time. We're bad cop, bad cop. I saw you last night, and you told me a story that I very much liked about a heckler. You were doing a week of shows somewhere, and you got a heckler.

And then something that I've never heard happen between a comedian and a heckler. Go ahead. Okay. Well, I think I might know the story you're talking about. Thanks, Byron Allen. How do you feel about cockatiels? Okay, well, I think I might know the story you're talking about. Thanks, Byron Allen. How do you feel about cockatiels? Well, let me tell you, my brother just sold one.

He did, actually. What? And it bit the person's face, but he still sold it. What? Wait a minute. How did your brother... To a sex fiend. He sold it to a weird bird sex guy. He didn't care, because they're so expensive.

They're like $700. His girlfriend bought it, and he hated her. Yeah, he didn't care. Because they're so expensive. They're like $700. His girlfriend bought it and he hated her. Whoa, whoa, whoa. His girlfriend bought one for $700? Yeah. I know a guy who could get it with way cheaper. Yeah, but she... It's your brother.

It's my brother, exactly. It didn't like her, so he had to sell it. And then he put an ad on Kijiji, I think. And then some guy showed up and he's like... Kabaddi. He's like, it's really nice. And then it opens the cage and it bit him in the face. And my brother was like, oh, that means it likes you.

Congratulations. And then he bought it. If you're dumb enough to buy a cockatiel, you'll fall for anything. Exactly. What is it? The cockatiel is the one that has the Mohawk hair? There's two. The cockatoo.

Cockatiels are little. Oh, and bitey. They're nasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the sex fiends of the bird kingdom. I think they're all the sex fiends. Yeah, that's true. Birds.

Pigeons are always trying to lay an egg. Anyway, so this is what happened at the show. Congratulations to your brother and his girlfriend and their cockatiel. What was the name of the cockatiel? What do you name a cockatiel? I don't think they named it because it hated them. Oh, sure. Yeah. You don't spite name named it because it hated them oh sure yeah you don't uh spite name something i guess yeah just because it bit you in the face dick face they call yes dill hole what do you name a cock um so yeah this was a good uh um

sorry i got sidetracked no but i liked it yeah Yeah. I like that we know there's a heckler story coming. So no one tuned out. Yeah. I mean, I did. Oh, great. It's bird talk with Graham and Decker for five minutes. So I was doing this run of shows. Where were you?

I was at a church. I was helping my friend as a theater company. And it was playing the Baby Jesus? In Vancouver? Yeah. And they have a theater company. And it was playing the baby Jesus. In Vancouver? Yeah. And they have a theater company there. And then during the show, this lady, I was not expecting it at all. It was an alley style theater, which means there is an audience.

Lots of gangs. Yeah, exactly. Tons of coin flips and pompadours and swinging chains. They were talking about different styles of alleys. Oh, sassy cats. There were a lot of cats with attitudes. Sunglasses. So many.

On black velvet t-shirts. Something your aunt would buy you from the Bahamas. No, it was alley style, which means the audience is on either side and not in front of you. So I was performing. You're performing in the middle and there's people like so no matter what you're always delivering to the wrong like yeah some people aren't listening so uh i was only kind of getting energy from one side of the room so i started to sort of favor them and you were doing stand-up yeah yes yeah yeah straight down it was like a sketch show and then i came on later and did stand up. But the energy in the room was kind of weird.

Because you're in a church. It's a church. I have to be super clean. I can't say anything about God or swear or anything. What if it was pro-God? Nothing. Oh, really? Zero opinion from the outsiders. Wow. Wait, I don't know.

Only we are allowed to discuss. Yeah. You should not be named. But basically I just got heckled like just your classic like interrupting punchline heckle. Like trying to help. So you're trying to set up a joke. Knock, knock. Yeah.

Like who's there? Interrupting punchline. Interrupting punchline. See? There we go. Sort of like that except it's not as hilarious. That was fun. Yeah yeah it was the best here have a cockatiel

it's biting his face but she heckled it I kind of stopped the show and then I tried to talk to her and then she kind of gave me nothing back and I tried to like play it off and like be fun but the audience was just not on board like they it off and like be fun, but the audience was just not on board.

Like they were just immediately like, oh no, this is the worst. And they just all shut down. And I got like no energy from anybody for the rest of my set. And then I kind of did like another bit that sort of worked. And then I was just like, all right, I'm on it. Like I wasn't the last act and I wasn't the first act. I was just like in the middle of this show. Yeah, yeah.

So when I was done, I was just like, the middle of this show. So when I was done, I was just like, okay, see ya. And then I just left. And then, uh, I had to go back out to do like a sketch after it was really bad.

Hey, that's the guy from before. Remember me? I'm the worst. Uh, but then after the show, the, uh,

people were like, oh my God, is that, I've never seen that. I haven't like shoot it. Like she wasn't yelling at the sketches. I don't know why she thought she could yell at you. And I was like, I don't care.

And I was, like, pretty upset. I was just like, she's a dumb, like, you know. Did you have to pass a collection plate? Yeah. I kind of, like, I just mentioned that I was not happy with the situation. And I was like, whatever, it'll be better tomorrow. Yeah. I'm leaving, bye.

And then I leave, and then I get, like, text messages from the girl who booked me, like, we're really sorry you handled it so well. I'm leaving. Bye. And then I leave and then I get like text messages from the girl who booked me like, we're really sorry. You handled it so well. I'm like, no, I didn't. I know when I handle it heckler well. That is not it. And then apparently – What did you say? Did you say, I hope we burn in hell?

No, I couldn't. I wish. I really wanted to. But I was like I gotta hold back because this is a church and this is my friend and there's so much at stake here

so I was just kind of like there's like you know when you're like trying to make fun of somebody there's those you have those filters but there was like

an extra four filters so it took thoughts were took way longer to get to my right usually when I make fun of someone I talk about the wrath of God

yeah yeah then I go down to the wrath of Khan yeah different wraths the levels of talk about the wrath of God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I go down to the wrath of Khan. Yeah. Yeah. Different wraths. The levels of wrath.

Then the grapes of wrath. Yeah. Then the wrath of the Titans. I don't know why it's down there. It's pretty big. Then David Lee wrath. David Lee wrath. I'll throw a kraken at them, but it's actually just an octopus.

It's hard to get a real kraken these days. No doubt. No doubt. What's a kraken? Oh, man. Is it it an octopus i think it's like a really big octopus oh yeah and then there's which is like a guy with a kraken for a face yeah yeah what's the advantage of that i'm fear oh he's probably also good at predicting soccer outcomes he's your number one soccer bet guy. Oh yeah, I forgot. That was the last time an octopus made a news. Scott the Octopus. And didn't it die immediately after the World Cup?

Yeah, he was fulfilling his last wish. It was a make-a-wish foundation. They fed it to the winning team. That's right. They threw it on the field. After they won. Ah! Patrick! I have a question about your story is it over uh no because she then uh i went home and then the next day she delivered an apology card to the venue the the heckler or the booker

oh heckler like they knew her because she was like a board member of the of the theater company which that's no way to behave uh yeah in your own theater yeah put your opera glasses back on yeah so then uh she felt bad i guess and she delivered this like apology card and i put it on instagram and if you read it it's still like kind of passive aggressive just like sorry i embarrassed you like that's not. Oh, wow. Sorry you had such a hard time last night. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

She's like just twisting the knife. And I was like, ah, this is still. Sorry you couldn't take it. Yeah. You don't see me coming down to your workplace and giving you a sorry letter. Yeah, exactly. So it was pretty funny. I've never received an apology card before.

I've never received, aside from a very drunken post-show apology, I've never received an apology from a heckler. But a card that's like, that's new territory and I love it. Yeah, it's pretty great. I want it. It's pretty great.

A couple of questions. First of all, instead of Ali style, they should call that show sandwich style. Yeah. I want it. It's pretty great. A couple of questions. First of all, instead of alley style, they should call that show sandwich style. Yeah. I agree. It's a play sandwich. Get Shakespeare on the line. The inventor of the alley. And follow up.

When – in the Ten Commandments, when it says – like you were trying not to break any of them, right? Yeah. Like you didn't covet anything all show long. No coveting. You didn't. There were a few neighbors with wives there. Oh, yeah. I was going to covet the shit out of them.

Yeah. What are you supposed to? You're not supposed to covet the wives? How many? Or the goats? Okay. By the way, we tried to name the seven deadly sins. Do we think we can name the Ten Commandments?

I think I can do it. I think I can do it. I think I can do it. I'm confident. Okay. Kill. Killing. Yeah. Always kill.

Lie. Kill or be killed. Always be lying. No killing, no lying. Is lying one of them? Yeah. Really? Thou shalt not that.

Thou shalt not. These are, yeah. What are we, four? No, ten. Come on. Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not lie. No coveting.

No coveting thy neighbor's wife. No coveting thy neighbor's goods. Those are separate things? Really? And then Michael J. Fox on Spin City said, I've been thinking of combining the two and coveting my neighbor's wife's goods. Pretty good. Was that in the Old Testament?

Because Charlie Sheen was in the New Testament that's right okay no adultery yep honor thy mother and father yep no idols before me

oh yeah yeah the false idol one no lord's name in vain no lord's name in vain keep the Sabbath holy oh right Sunday's off

and what's the 10th one? Always spackle before you paint. Is it crazy wheels on your crazy chariots? Yeah, always have a stab wheel on your chariot. Like Ben Hur. I'm impressed we got nine. You know what? The rest is filler.

Yeah. I like the Ten Commandments. All? The rest is filler. Yeah. I like the Ten Commandments. All a killer, no filler. Yeah. Wine before beer in the clear. Yeah. My question was going to be about using the Lord's name in vain. Because I think back when they came up with the commandments, when they did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Them. When the think tank. Moses and that bush. Them two guys the uh the uh moses and bush associates hi thanks for calling moses and bush please plead your case after the tone please plead your case after the tone that's not a thing it's a law firm come on they call you back and tell you if they can help you or not. Oh, man, we got a lot of cases on the voicemail.

A lot of people pleading their case. Yeah, so you don't have to call them back. Wouldn't that be a judge's phone number? That you're leaving a voicemail when you're pleading your case? In like a bad movie about the future? Yeah, they're like both. That's how the court system works now. You just need to leave a voicemail.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like Judge Dredd. It's not as bad. Mm-hmm. Judge Dredd and Executioner. My question is this. Back then, what did using the Lord's name in vain mean? Because I feel like now, people think that they're like, oh, Jesus.

Oh, I dropped my sandwich. Oh, I dropped my sandwich in this sandwich place. Oh, my God. Are you in vain? Yes. My sandwich. Because I feel like people were invoking it for big time stuff back then. But now it's just like, oh, God.

Oh, my sandwich. My sandwich. Yeah, I think it was when people were like, God damn these people. Kill their village. It was like, you weren't allowed to do that. But that's not in vain if you really want God to do it. Yeah, yeah. I guess that's true. You're not supposed to just...

I think Jehovah was the... Wasn't that the phrase? The pace? The phrase? The pace? In the Bible? Jehovah is the phrase? The pace? There were a lot of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I thought it was you weren't allowed to use the word.

I'm still trying to think of the 10th commandment. Do you want me to wiki it? Yeah. You entertain Ivan while I wiki it. Ivan. So what else is going on? Well, I just started a law firm, Moses and Bush. is going on? Well, I just started a law firm, Moses and Bush.

We do we only do cases after people tell us the whole thing on a message. It's really tedious. This recording has a client lawyer privilege. We should really get people to come in and sit down and talk about it in case we have any follow-up questions.

So, what else is going on? Tell me about Ivan. Tell me what's shaking, man. I've been... Okay, here are the Ten Commandments. Oh, I accidentally looked up the Ten Commandments for drivers. Oh, hands at ten and two. You shall not kill.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm. Sure. Courtesy, uprightness, and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events. That's true. Feel responsible towards others. Ten and two's not on there. On the road, protect the more vulnerable

party. Oh sure, absolutely. Um, okay. The daughter party. Uh, um, pardon me. Um, ten The daughter party Pardon me Ten Come Find out what's going on with Ivan Oh I found them

Well guys Okay No great This is a pancake website Blueberry That's not a commandment Oh, great. This is a pancake website. Blueberry? That's not a commandment. What are the ten commandments of making pancakes?

Always flip it only once. Oh, right. Do you only do once? Yeah. Wow. Always locate your spatula before you start making pancakes. Yeah. Knowing's half the battle. Yeah, yeah.

Always have butter. Have some butter at room temperature. Ready to go. Be prepared to ruin the first one. The first one's a write-off. When you put them on your plate, you're not going to finish them. No, yeah, exactly. Your eyes are bigger than your stomach when it comes to pancakes.

Chocolate chips, you put them in right near the end. Is that right? Or do you put them in right with the batter? Don't they melt a lot if you put them right in with the batter? If they touch the pan, it's a disaster. Yeah. If you can't put them in with the batter because they'll just sink to the bottom of the batter bowl.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. These are good commandments. These all make sense. Same commandments as pancakes. Okay. No other gods before me. Uh-huh. You shall not make for yourself an idol

Yep I think we combined those No no Did we get no other gods? Yep No idols I lost it What?

Oh god Ah Jehovah Website's already asking you to give money That's the phrase that pays You know what? We can It'll be a lightning sound The website's already asking you to give money. That's the phrase that pays. You know what? We could spray. It would be a lightning sound.

That's a lightning going down the toilet. The radio DJ in the Holy Land. That's Thor's toilet? No, Thor doesn't do lightning. Who does lightning? Thor does lightning. Zeus does lightning. Yeah, Thor does thunder. Thor's got a hammer.

Yeah. Thor does lightning. Zeus does lightning. Yeah, Thor does thunder. Thor's got a hammer. Yeah. Thor does household chores. Who's going to hang this door? Okay, here we go. Here it is. No other gods before me. Yep. Thou shalt not.

Oh, gross. Thou shalt not. Oh, man. You must not make for yourself an idol. Okay. You must not misuse yourself an idol. Okay. You must not misuse the name of the Lord your God. Yep. Remember to observe the Sabbath day and keeping it holy.

Yep. Honor your father and mother. Yeah. Thou shalt not murder. Nope. No adultery. Not anymore. Steal.

We didn't have steal. We had steal. No, we didn't. We had lie. We had steal. No. Oh, really We didn't have steal. We had steal. No, we didn't. We had lie. We had steal. No. Oh, really? Don't steal steal.

Don't use steal. I thought I said steal. Wait, this is saying that there's one covet. Oh, really? Okay, so where are we at? We're at nine. Wife and goods. Wife, goods.

You must not testify falsely against your neighbor. Oh, like if... Bear false witness. Oh, yeah, bear false witness. This is like the word the dumbest. Bear false witness. But isn't that lying? Yeah, that's lying.

Yeah, yeah. It's all a bunch of fancy words. Yeah. Witnessing a false bear. That's what makes them... That's making up a story about a bear that didn't happen. And he was wearing a necktie? That happened a lot.

And he stole a picketing van? How come you're late for church? A bear. This is in a car. Gave me the finger. And a claw. It was one of his claws was up. Oh man, we're pranked. This is really mean. finger. It was one of his claws. Oh, man.

That was really mean. We'd like to apologize to both Judeos and Christians. Welcome back to the show. Now, Ivan, what else is going on? Not much. I've been doing a lot of stand-up, a lot more stand-up, because I haven't been working during the day. Oh, right. You used to, the last time you were on, you used to work at Science World.

That's right. Now you're just a full-time comic. Yeah. So all the money and riches that go along with that. Oh, man. And perks. And rice. How many days a week do you eat beans and rice?

Eight. Like the Beatles song. One for next week. The eighth day is when I reheat the stuff I didn't eat yesterday. Yep. Are you traveling a lot? A fair bit. Not as much.

I am going to be in Toronto. The Big Easy. Yeah. What are we doing? Plugs? Yep. Yeah. I'm going there.

But I have been in just like local stuff. Like I went to Kamloops and Kelowna. Ah, the Loops. Kelowna. Cranbrook. The Brook. The Brook. The old Seabrook.

Have you done that room? No. Years and years ago. It's terrible. Still there, still bad. Do you still have two malls in Cranbrook? I don't know. I know the karaoke place shut down.

I was going to go there. Oh, nuts. Because that place was... That was their city hall. Oh, yeah. It was right next to the city hall. No, it wasn't. Yeah.

What? It was called Shenanigans. It was across the street from the city hall. I remember the first time I was in Cranbrook, I asked a lady at a gas station, where's the mall? And she said, do you want the good mall or the shitty mall? And I was like, the shitty mall, please. I want to judge what you you want the good mall or the shitty ball i was like the shitty ball i want to judge what you think is the good the good mall is just the walmart the shitty mall

had a store uh that had been abandoned that somebody stuck video games in which i thought was pretty good oh it's an arcade yeah or they didn't just cram video yeah it's just it was more of a cramming uh They weren't all plugged in. Okay, but they were upright video games. Yes. They didn't just throw a couple Game Boys in there, chain to the wall. Oh, that would be the saddest. Because somebody would steal the game, and so it would just be a Game Boy chained to the wall, right?

You'd have... Would you glue the game in? Well, no, you'd have a security guard. Would you glue the game in? Well, no, you'd have a security guard. You will because you can't. There's no place to put quarters into a Game Boy, so you would have a security guard who also works the door,

like takes your money at the front and then frisks you on your way out. What's the admission for this arcade, this mall arcade? The chained up Game Boy? Yeah, 20 cents. What? Cheaper than a quarter. Oh, yeah mall arcade. The chained up game bar? Yeah, 20 cents. What? Cheaper than a quarter. Oh, yeah, yeah. Two times. The only way we could

stay in business. Yeah, you bring a quarter, we'll give you five cent back. Here's your nickel back. Is that their slogan? Yeah. They ran out of English. Five cent back.

That was like that place, Palladium. Did you guys ever go there? Is that in a metrotown mall? Yeah, it used to be. I don't know if it's still there, but it was like an arcade, Playdium. Did you guys ever go there? Is that in a metrotown mall? Yeah, it used to be. I don't know if it's still there, but it was like an arcade where there was no cost to play the games. You just paid like a cover charge, and you got a card, and you could just play. And ladies played free on Tuesdays.

Yeah. Tuesdays was ladies' night. They played all the hot games like Fireman's Shuffle. Yeah, yeah. The Fireman's Shuffle. That's where bachelor party would go donkey cock pantsless donkey convince a bunch of guys to buy you drinks you know sexist games like that yeah go to a bar yeah get luigi to buy you a drink free drinks

there was a dance dance revolution but it was how to dance away from creepy guys in a club oh sure yeah yeah from fritters it was a bunch of dance uh dance rev guys in a club. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah, from froteurs. It was a bunch of dance revolutions in a circle that bad guys couldn't get into. Yeah, exactly. I feel like that place still exists, or existed not that long ago. No, yeah. It was certainly a couple years ago it existed.

Yeah. Okay. I heard that it got shut down because all the games broke. They didn't anticipate that there was going to be maintenance costs. Oh, that's all the costs. Yeah. I remember going there in their probably second year and literally every game was broken. All the games with guns.

It just didn't work. Or they were so uncalibrated that you would shoot the middle of the screen. It would hit the top corner. And it would kill a real person. The guy working the concession would die who's playing time crisis 3 again i'm dying shoot outside the screen to reload um yeah because i feel like i went to go see the Jason Statham movie Crank or Crank 2, and the movie theater was right next to a huge arcade. Yeah.

So that wasn't that long ago. Oh, maybe it's still there. Okay. But that seems like something like it would have really hit its zenith in like – 1975. Yeah. Right next to the roller disco. Yeah.

Right next to the roller disco. Because like an arcade is just a place where entrepreneurial drug dealers and pimps are finding new clientele. It's for people who can't go to bars. There's a successful one still in Seattle. I forget what it's called, but it's right across from the Cheesecake Factory. It's like two floors and they sell beer and stuff. they have licensed ones on granville here don't they uh no they're not licensed i don't think you can get a liquor license for an arcade but you have to be 18 to go in yeah yeah that's because all their games are pantsless oh do they have peep shows or something yeah that's not yeah

that's one of the games like shoot outside of the game to reload gross yeah and not how things work no isn't that what you said shoot outside of the game yeah yeah I know oh you mean with your wiener it doesn't work like that

yeah yeah yeah oh yeah you can't reload that um takes a nap there was only one ever uh as far as I know one like besides

uh like um you know what is the game where you steal the cars? what's that called? Dance Dance Car Evolution Chief Automakers It's not Chief anything Zelda

Legend of Zelda Zelda's car jacking spree Mario Kart. Thief. But there was like... Grand Car Thievo. Donkey Kong Senior. Exciting

automobile... But are there adult games? Like porno-y games? Yeah. There's no porno games. There's games with... Not like full-on porno like you choose what you're gonna do. Like that's ridiculous. Who would do that? Nobody would play that. You would just watch porno.

I would play that every day. You know who would play it? Twelve-year-olds and me. There was a big – Come to bed, honey. There have been games – I'm playing porno. Grant that porno.

There we go. I got it. Grant that porno. That's what it is. Well, yeah. Why are – go on. You were explaining why there aren't or why there might be porno games. Grand Theft Porno there we go I got it Grand Theft Porno that's what it is well yeah go on you were explaining why there aren't

or why there might be porno games there have been games with like breasts in them and like sex scenes and one of the first games that that happened to

was actually very funny there was this story of a lady hating it and going online or she went she was like trying to sell this book

about how to be a good parent and then she went on this talk show book about how to be a good parent. And then she went on this talk show talking about how this game is horrible and it's a sex game and you choose what you're saying. You have sex and you choose what the sex is. And it's not. That's a minor scene. It's like a game about space.

You're just a guy and you fly through space. Sure. But then there's one scene where you can go. Yeah, exactly. One pit stop where you can choose or not to sleep with an alien and it was really funny because She went on on TV and was like horribly down talking this game But the game had such a big fan base that it backfired so bad and everybody went to her book on Amazon and gave it like Zero star ratings. Oh, no

It has the most like zero star ratings. It has the most zero star ratings ever because it was like every single gamer fan found out about her trying to pull this stunt. What was the game? It was Mass Effect 2. It was like a long time ago. Yeah, I remember that. Oh, that was like a couple Mass Effect to go. Yeah. Wow.

But like, what do you do? Like, that's not a place where you actually play it play it like you just press a thing Like except sex and then it just has Like it just has it No you have to choose the right thing to say It's one of those games Where you it's the illusion of being a smooth talker

But it doesn't it's like how Nerds will learn how to talk to girls But there's never the option that they would choose Which is like I'm scared of everything where's my mom That's not in there it's always like a couple smooth options or one that's like you're dumb i'm leaving my friend uh was at a comic convention in seattle and said that there was a there was a workshop of how to talk to girls that was like one of them like mystery uh the the pickup artist oh yeah that guy no like. No, like just how to talk to girls, like even if they're a cashier.

Like, say there's a girl. Here's how you talk to them. At the end, make sure you say whether it's debit or credit. Don't ever start with, hey, you look like a girl in Mass Effect 2. Don't ever start with, hey, you look like a girl in Mass Effect 2. Do you really have to say a particular line in order for the sex scene to turn on? Really? Yeah, you got to choose the right conversation options.

Oh, wow. I wonder what the conversation option that would really blow it. Did you ever play Leisure Suit Larry? No, but I heard of it. I mean, my friend talked about it. When I was a kid, that seemed like the craziest, greatest thing ever. Yeah, like how come there's no version of that for today's perverts? I think that they – it was like a – I think it was a goofy game. I think like you never – no matter what happened, you never really got to get the goods.

Oh, okay. You were a lovable loser. Yeah, you were like the Trix rabbit of sex. Was that his thing? That he never got to Trix? No, well, he kept trying to steal Trix. They're for kids. But Lucky Charms'

leprechaun would also try to steal Trix. He had a bucket of Trix. Wait, Trix rabbit would try to steal the Trix. Lucky Charms, they would steal from him Yeah, he always had But he always would He sucked it

These guys forgot the same commandment we forgot They should have collaborated Because the leprechaun was terrible at keeping the Lucky Charms Like the kids always got them But the Trix Rabbit never got them Well, but it's Was there a character that wanted a thing and he wasn't allowed to have it? There was a honeycomb thing that, like,

meth addict. It was very brief. Wait, did he like honeycomb or did he like meth? I think both. It was me want honeycomb. That was the thing. And he had, like, crazy big eyes. You're conflating two

characters. No, I'm not. He looked like Sonic the Hedgehog. Uh-huh. He went super fast. He never said, Me want a honeycomb. He did. No, that's your thinking of it.

Me want a honeycomb. He flew around the screen. He was like a ripoff of Taz from Looney Tunes. And he would leave behind like smoke trails or like blurry lines. What do you think this gentleman's name was? And then he would eat the whole

I don't know what his name was but he wanted honeycomb. Me want honeycomb. I remember that. I don't remember that. Google it. It'll come up. Because I'm thinking of

IMDb. Oh no, you know what? I'm thinking of Sugar Bear. I'm thinking of a totally different guy. Can't get enough of that Sugar Bear. Yeah, he was too cool for school. He was way too chill to be eating all that sugar.

This thing accurately represented how you behaved when you ate the cereal. And he was a bear that said, we want honeycomb? I don't think he was a bear. I don't know what animal he was. Maybe a shrew? I'd go, shrew? The honeycomb big shrew. The honeycomb spokesperson I remember was like an Indiana Jones type guy.

Really? Who was like, me want a honeycomb. He might have had a hat. Wasn't there a frog? No, it was a human. Humanoid. There was a frog, right? Yeah, for smacks.

Sugar smacks. Holy shit. That's really druggy. That's really, that's really druggy. That's really on the nose. There were the Cookie Crisp guys. The Cookie Cop and Cookie Crook. Yeah. Cookie Cop.

I'm not sure that was his name. Wasn't there a Cookie Dog as well? Yeah. I don't think these were any of their names except for Cookie Crook. I think they were both dogs. But the cop was Irish, wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, man. These are Irish people. They love cookies so much. So... Is he eating from me cookies? Sugar smacks. I can't believe that was a thing. Oh, he hit you with his stick.

Yep. It's a frog. Sugar smacks frog. Oh, yeah. Yep. But anyways, Ivan made up a whole character. He made up a whole world with a fax. No, Me Want Honeycomb is real.

It's a real guy. I remember specifically saying, Me Want Honeycomb is real. It's a real guy. I remember specifically saying. Me Want Honeycomb. It was very brief. Oh, yeah. This is Dave remembering. No, I Googled it just now, and it is a crazy character. Oh, yeah.

Oh, weird. Yeah, you're right. He does look like he's up there. Yeah, the guy with the big eyes.. He does look like he's on there. The guy with the big eyes. And he does look like he want honeycomb. A couple weeks ago, I was telling you that I'm now on a big Apple Jacks kick. Yeah, you're jacked on them. Three or four weeks in a row, every day for breakfast, nothing but Apple Jacks.

Now I can't find them anywhere. They just disappeared. They come but once a year. There should be, like... Have you tried peanut butter Cheerios? They're pretty good. I saw that they exist. Oh, they've got a squirrel as a spokesperson. Yeah just disappeared. They come but once a year. Have you tried peanut butter Cheerios? They're pretty good. I saw that they exist. Oh, they've got a squirrel as a spokesperson. That makes sense.

A frog that likes cereal doesn't make any sense unless the cereal is flies. Like if it's fly-shaped cereal. I'm sure there's an allowable amount of fly parts. Yeah. Maybe that was like a little wink to like Sugar sugar smacks. And then it's like, we have the highest amount of fly parts in our cereal.

The inspector's like, you know, you should really make your mascot a frog. And then they're like, fine. I will sell a million of them. We're the only cereal manufacturer located on a swamp. It's literally fry parts and sugar. Because you smack your face, and then the fly dies, and then the pieces fall in, and they cover with sugar. That's why it's called sugar smacks. Apple Jacks and sugar smacks, they're the same things, right?

Apple Jacks have more of an apple-y feel. Also, sugar smacks don't exist in Canada, either. Oh. Yeah. On account of a different fly rule. Was it Apple Jacks or Cinnamon Toast Crunch that had the commercials with kids like, adults are so stupid, they don't know why we like these. Adults are stupid.

Yeah. It was always like, this is like, I think it was Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I think it was every cereal. Yeah. They were like, can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Kids like getting one over on adults, especially when it comes to delicious flavors. And the mini-wheats commercials with the kid in me likes the frosting, and then it's a kid in a suit, and then you see a grown-up in a suit, and he's dead.

Yeah, for diabetes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's hanging himself. He's in a suit. I hate all this wheat. It's so bland. The kid in me, he's wearing a suit, and then the grown-up, It's so bland. The kid is wearing a suit. And then the grown-up, they're like, let's bury him in that suit he wore as a kid.

It's too small. His legs are poking out of it. Oh, God. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, I love how much weed discovered about Ivan. Well, he went to Cranbrook and they had a bad arcade. And then we talked about cereal for 40 minutes. Here's what's going on with me.

Actually, this Friday, I'm about to go on vacation. Whoa. Nice. You're going somewhere nice, warm. I'm going to Sweden. What? Not so warm, but just as nice. Sure.

To visit Abby's family. Abby is actually already there. By the time this episode comes out, this will be a pheasant memory. You will have seen Mamma Mia 17 times. It's all you can watch.

Complimentary Mamma Mia ticket. But right now, for the last few days,'ve been home alone yeah like the movie i've been trying to foil crooks uh and cans on a string and i've been falling irons yeah i've been assembling all of our mannequins yeah i was wondering. I walked by the other night and I was like, oh, Dave's having a party. He didn't invite me to.

Why does he have an Elvis cutout on his train set? Just keeps going in a circle. And then I tried calling you and you kept calling me a filthy animal. I did get to keep the change, though. to keep the change though. And so I'm pretty good at being by myself. Like I'm okay. Like I cook.

I'm pretty clean. I do dishes and stuff. You do you. Yeah. The one thing I'm realizing I don't have the grasp on is when do you turn lights on? Like I will just sit in a room

while it's daylight out and then I just won't move for a few hours and it'll be pitch black and the TV will be on. So that's been distracting me. And then I will realize, oh, I'm a creepy guy

in a house that has no lights on all by myself. Yeah, lying on the cold, hard ground. Trouble. Sure. You turn the lights on, I'd say dusk. Dusk is a good rule with them. Sure. Thou shalt light at dusk.

But like you could have your lights on all day. Oh, yeah. Those people are the worst. They're the people that... The reason that we can't have sugar smacks. I used to wonder why my mom closed the curtains at night. She would always shut the blinds. I'm like, why are you closing them at night?

It's dark out. We don't need to block anything. And I never understood that it was like, oh, because the lights are on. You're a fishbowl. People outside can see. That's literally what she said. She's like, i don't like living in a fishbowl and i never got that until i saw the movie blood simple and oh really where he tries to like snipe that guy because the lights are on but you which one's blood simple it's like one more guy tries to snipe a guy

okay starting snipey it's a very very early coen brothers movie oh yes black and white um it's pretty good so your your mom just said i don't want to live in a fishbowl and then when you said what did that mean she just stormed out of the room i think she left as she was saying it your father was a goldfish because i used to like watching the reflection of the tv in the window it's like we have two tvs, but one's in a tree. We're millionaires. And it's backwards. I can watch backwards Simpsons in a tree. Wow.

I always thought, well, I didn't always think this, but like on TV and movies and stuff, when someone is closing the blinds at night, it's because they're about to Mass Effect 2 someone. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, I guess. And then do you open your blinds in the day? No, never. I never open my blinds at all. Yeah, it feels like I've seen these windows that are like super futuristic that like frost.

Yeah, I want that. In the day? They have those in Science World. Yeah, I want that. But they're on a light switch and you can just like turn them on and off really yeah yeah i want to just frost every time they walk into a room frost so people like people know you're in the room but they they think you're a blob man exactly i want them to be able to see my silhouette i want them to know that i have an active social life i think they turn white so they're still kind of like... When they get scared?

Bright. Yeah. Like, if light is hitting them, I don't think it'll make the room darker, but it'll definitely get rid of glare. No, I don't care about glare. I just want them to frost. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what, like, those penthouse, all the, like, newer penthouse apartments in Vancouver have, because they're all glass.

Dear penthouse. Yeah. This has never happened to me before. I was looking into frosty windows. And the guy installing them had pretty big breasts. He was wearing a training bra. And he stuck them on the glass. And then he frosted it.

And I was like, unfrost that glass. I want to see them breasts. Unfrost that glass, mister. Unfrost me. It's my glass now. I choose what I want to see them breasts. Unfrost that glass, mister. Unfrost me, Yankee. It's my glass now. I choose what I want to frost it. Now, Vancouver as a city has many, many buildings that are all glass, right? City of glass.

Yeah. Everybody wants a view of the ocean, a view of the mountains. But I have never once in the entire time I've lived here, I've seen anybody uh any any nudity or having any sex no in any of the buildings she hasn't any sex yeah yeah you can ask like a cheese across the street from me ever why is there somebody across the street from you that's having sex uh yeah right on you can see the reflection in my frosty windows. Have you guys ever seen anything? No, and it kills me. But I've never lived anywhere in like an apartment area. No, and I have, and I still haven't seen anything. But I thought like walking across the bridge at night, there's so many places.

And like people, I don't even think they own curtains. They're just all future frost windows. I've never seen any of that. As a child, I assumed all of adult life was spent looking through telescopes into people's windows. And then – Sipping a martini. And going to the beach with a metal detector. I had – what a rich life you would have.

Yeah, rich life. Cheap thrills. I had someone shine a laser on me from a – I used to run. I lived across the Gravel Street Bridge. I used to jog over the bridge and then back. Right. And one night when I was running across the bridge, somebody was shining a laser on me from one of the buildings. And I was like, are they going to shoot me?

Yeah. Yeah. I was like, it was really weird. But you didn't think that. They were just going for your eyes. They were just trying to get you to fall into traffic. I was like, it was really weird. But you didn't think that. They were just going for your eyes.

They were just trying to get you to fall into traffic. But it was far enough away that the dot of the laser was the size of a manhole cover at that point. Nice. Wow. Wouldn't it be crazy if you looked towards the laser and the guy was having sex? He's just trying to draw attention to the fact. Check it out, guys. He's playing Sandstorm.

Shining the laser. Yeah, he's got glow sticks going. Is that the conversation that you pick in Mass Effect? Yeah, that's what it is. Do you have Sandstorm on CD? Do you own a big shiny Toons 4? Are you a fan of Darude? The other thing that's going on with me is, well, it's related to the fact that I'm going away.

I went to, well, a friend of the show, Alicia Tobin, is going to be dog sitting our dog. Fun. And so. What kind of trouble will they get into getting? I don't know. I want to read their adventures. And so I went to, as a gift, I thought I would help her stock her fridge. And so I got her a gift card to Whole Foods. And so I just go up to the cashier at Whole Foods and I say, do you have gift cards?

And they do. They have gift cards that they all have a food pun on them. Oh, fun. Oh, gift card food puns. Yeah. And so she said, yeah, we have gift cards, but I don't have them right here. I can go pick one up for you. Now we have... She was like an older lady, which is weird

at Whole Foods. How old? 60-ish. Oh, but she's really 112, but she just looks 60. Yeah, she looks great. She's juicing. She's like, oh, we've got a bunch. We've got just for the halibut. We've got...

Weren't you glad that I brought you a gift card? We've got juice what you wanted. That was not as good. And I was like, oh, yeah, whatever. And she's like, no. No, and she was like, she, yeah, whatever. And she's like, no. No. And she was like, she just kept going through them. She's like, we've got time to celebrate.

Time with an H-Y. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. And I'm like, I had to stand there and just while she listed them all. And my answer was whatever. Have you gone for your monthly paprika schmear? We've got hugs and quiches. And so I ended up picking just what you wanted.

And then. Hugs and quiches isn't bad. And then she went and got it. And in typical old fashioned, she did not know how to do the thing. Yeah, didn't know how to load it. What happened is she loaded. Did you say, man, go fuck yourself? Pretty good. I don't have time for this.

Spell with a Y. Yeah, of course. The problem was she put the money on the card, and then she tried to pay for the card with the card. And I knew what was happening. And she had to call over two other employees, and they were like, wait. Both older than her.

What are you trying to do? I want this card to buy itself. This card is trying to purchase itself. It's achieved sentience. Shut up, lady. You're going to create a singularity. The whole store just collapses. She's like, I owe you $7?

That doesn't seem right. That's okay. I have a gift card. I have this gift card from HMV. Here, just take it. Fun. That was me. That was pretty good.

Whole Foods. Yeah. Actually, a couple months ago, I was, there – across from Whole Foods, there's a – what's the store? Savon? Savon Foods? Sure. Urban Fair? I went to the Savon Foods and someone –

Urban Fair. I was telling my friend I had gone there and he's like, oh, why didn't you go to Whole Foods? And I was like – because I wanted something good. We were talking about cereal. You can't get any cereal anyone's heard of at Whole Foods. What's the one that I always think is... Gorilla Munch?

Koala Crisp? Orangutan O's? Just Friends. Sex cereal? Just Friends. Oh, it's Cashy Friends. Yeah. Yeah. It's what you eat in the morning after you sleep with a girl

but you wanted to get the message. Just put that on the table. Is it Good Friends or Just Friends? I think it's Fuck Buddies. Yeah, Friends with Benefits. The benefits are the vitamins. Friends with benefits, like fiber. Vitamin B12. For strong teeth and and bones and then you raise your eyebrows

teeth um yeah yeah oh lordy graham what's up with you other than um having allergies out the wazoo yeah i'm sorry if I sound super weird and if I'm sniffling a lot. I've got just this, like, the worst allergy time of year. And so I sound like a creep and I'm sorry to everybody. But on the upside of me being allergic to everything, I've spent a lot of time indoors in the last little while. Closing blinds, opening blinds yeah frosting windows

unfrosting windows i just buy that uh christmas frost that you just spray on the window then i scrape it off with a credit card and then respray we have a lot of our bathroom window is frosted but it's not frosted enough yeah so we bought this um uh it's like uh like a spray on frost it's not it's a brush on it's uh martha stewart makes it it's for crafting shit so you may have just changed my whole bedroom window situation um so one of the things that i do a lot is uh like i'll get on a on a real youtube jag and uh you watch episodes of jag yeah absolutely um uh and one of the things, of course, at this point, it's been a couple of weeks, but Roger Ebert passed away. He loved Jag.

He loved Jag. He loved the movie that it was based on. I think it was based on a movie, wasn't it? Wasn't it Carl Weathers' movie? I'm thinking of Iron Eagle and also maybe not Carl Weathers. Airwolf. Chippywolf i want you to put this tape on your walkman chappie's gone down um so uh i was watching uh old clips of gene siskel and roger ebert reviewing movies and i couldn't get enough of it it's just like i was

watching every time that one would finish, I'd click on another one just to see what they thought of this movie that's now like a classic movie. And I thought as a fun game and as a tip of the hat to Doug Loves Movies, I came up with here's a bunch of movies or I'll just give you the year and I'll tell you that either they both loved it, one of them loved it, one of them hated it, or they both hated it. See if you can guess what movie. Okay. I like games.

Do you like games, Ivan? Do you like games, Ivan? Only Leisure Suit Larry. Okay. That is one of the answers. It's one of the movies? Yeah. Why wasn't that ever a movie?

All right. Roger loved it. An action movie from 1995 that they both loved. They both said it was great. True lies. And it was a sequel. Oh. Terminator 2.

Nope. No, that's too early. Yeah, that's too late. 1995. They did both like Terminator 2, though. I watched. It's called C2. And only one of them liked Terminator the first one.

Only Ebert liked the first one. 1995. 1995. Do you offer any more clues ever? Of course. Takes place on a train. Under Siege 2. That is correct. They both liked it. That was like Steven Seagal.

That was their catchphrase, right? We both like it. Yeah. One of us likes it, the other not as much Who was the bad guy in that? Was it Kevin Spacey? No, it was I want to say Eric Boghossian Is that the one where he gets his fingers slammed in the helicopter

and they stay where they were? He slams the door so fast that the fingers don't all get jammed in the corner like what would happen if you actually just stayed just stayed right where they were he's like oh yeah and he says he slides it yeah it's a sliding door there's a scene where he outruns a crash where the train's crashing and he just outruns it. Is that the final scene? Well, they showed it during the review. Oh, okay.

Also, they weren't especially sensitive to the idea of spoilers back in the day. Oh, really? Yeah, a lot of times they would say, and then in the final scene, and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. This movie hasn't even come out to the public yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said how Batman ended. The town gets the enema. Now, after Siskel died, Roger Ebert kept doing it with Roper.

Yeah. And then Roper kept doing it with A.E. Scott, Titan A.E. Yeah, Titan A.E. And then that's been canceled for a couple years now hasn't it well it doesn't it's not now it's like every other blogger or whatever yeah just like write a review of the thing but back then that was like that was it there was like the local guy in the paper and then siskel and ebert right and they would just sit and it's like it was a really it's a preview into like what nerd culture now is because that was it those two guys were the only nerds with their own show yeah they knew a lot about

movies yeah and they uh they sniped at each other like the way that nerds do it's a lot of fun to watch nerds talk to me like nerds okay now this is a movie that a lot of people would consider this a classic. It's from 1988. Both of them hated it. Die Hard. It's a comedy. Die Hard. Nope, it's not Die Hard.

I think only one of them liked Die Hard. I'm going to guess Ghostbusters. No. That's too late. And too early for Ghostbusters 2. 1988 comedy, Midnight Run. It's a Tim Burton. They both hated it?

They both hated it. Oh, Scissorman. Scissor Sisters. Beetle Bailey. Yeah, Beetlejuice. Is it Beetlejuice? They both hated it, and Ebert said it would have been a better movie if it was just about the two characters. He said it would be a better movie.

Like Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis? Yeah, he said it would be a better movie if it was about them and they didn't die. Like if it was just about them fixing out this house. That's literally what he said. He gave two thumbs up to the money pit. He did. He mentioned the money pit. He was like, oh, I didn't know what this movie was about. I was hoping it was going to be something like the money pit. He did. He mentioned the money pit. He was like, oh, I thought this was,

I didn't know what this movie was about. I was hoping it was going to be something like the money pit. They would do that, wouldn't they? This would have been better if it was completely different. They did.

They'd often recommend things that like, well, it was much too late. The movie's already out. They didn't like when Beetlejuice said it's showtime. Is there still a Twitter account that if you tweet Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, it tweets back at you, it's showtime in all caps? I imagine so.

And if not, Ivan, there's an opening. I don't know how to create a Twitter bot. You have to just sit there day and night. What's his bot business? That's a guy. Constantly searching anybody saying but he is the ghost with a plenty.

All right. One of these this was like one of the most heavily awarded films of all of the 90s.

Ebert liked it and Siskel hated it. He said that the no it wasn't Titanic can you give me the year? 1991 Schindler's List oh

Dances with Wolves Schindler's List was 93 right? 93 or 94 yeah Silence of the Lamps Silence of the Lamps Gene Siskel said that all the acting was over the top it was about the clapper

and finally an action movie from 1993 that they both agreed was fresh and fun was over the top. It was about the clapper. And finally, an action movie from 1993 that they both agreed was fresh and fun. Speed. Nope. Starred two action heroes. And it takes place in the future.

Demolition Man. Demolition Man. They both loved it. Oh, I don't consider Wesley Stantz an action hero. Why not? He just got out of prison. Knitting.

His was knitting. He had out of prison. Knitting. His was knitting. Hey, he had a recovery program. Knitting. And then Sandra Bullock's like, let's see what his recovery programs were. And it was like, Aikido, Jiu-Jitsu, Assassination. How did he get those? So you like Demolition Man. Yeah.

It was one of the movies that my uncle gave me when we were kids, and we watched it a bunch, and then my mom hid it. She's like, I'm not living in a fishbowl with Demolition Man. Exactly. I don't know what happened to this movie. Which I was like, there's nothing really that bad in that movie. Well, Aikido. Jiu-Jitsu. Murder, death, kill.

Don't you do that now? What's a 187? You do Jiu-Jitsu now, right? I do murder, death, killing. Yeah. 187s. Who would you murder-death-kill? I do 187s on cops. Wesley Snipes.

Or Sandra Bullock. Murder Sylvester Stallone. Yeah. I would death Sandra Bullock. Till death do us part. Am I right, fellas? Yeah, that's right. I would kill to be in the sack with Wesley Snipes.

Oh, guys. Well, so that's what's been would kill to be in the sack with Wesley's knife. Oh, gosh. Oh, guys. Well, so that's what's been going on with me. Great. That was so great. Good. Do you want to move on to overheards? Yeah.

Hi, this is Dave Hill, the pride of Cleveland, reminding you to listen to Dave Hill's podcasting incident, what critics are already calling basically the greatest podcast of all time, and you can ask anyone. And what makes it even better is that it's now part of the incredible Maximum Fun Network, which is great for me. They sent me a t-shirt, and so far the sex has been incredible. Anyway, you can listen to it on iTunes or by going to MaximumFun.org, the popular website on the internet. Dave Hill's podcasting incident.

It's pretty much just like me making out with your ears or something okay thanks bye over so that means it's time for overheards no sure does now the thing shut to shut up about is what the what's going on here? Overheard. Okay, what happens about these is that they're great. Dave, did you shut up? Did you shut up now? Because it's time for a segment called Hulk Hogan News, and I know that we have a theme, and somebody sent us a theme. Oh, yeah, you're right.

And it's probably best enjoyed if you maybe hire mushrooms or something. Yeah, okay, let's have a listen to that. All right. But seriously, it's time for Hulk Hogan news. Dave, shut up. I am Hulk Hogan. Dave, shut up. I am Hulk Hogan.

What is this? Dave, shut up. I am Hulk Hogan. Dave, shut up. It's just this over and over, yeah? Dave, shut up. I am Hulk Hogan. Dave, shut up.

I am Hulk Hogan. Dave Shuttle. I'm Hulk Hogan. Nope, that was wrong. That was sent to us by... Ben K. Ben K. Bank. Banksy. Ben Kingsley?

Yeah, Ben Kingsley. Of Shutter Island fame. Yep, his best, most beloved role to date. Yep. I know him. Sneakers. I mostly know him from The Whackness. What is that?

Was that a movie? It's a film, yeah. The Whackness? Mm-hmm. Wow. Good soundtrack. Oh, was it whack? No.

Wiggity? It avoided the whackness. Oh, really? Now, I mentioned a couple weeks ago that Hulk Hogan was in New York doing a kind of evening. Yeah, he was doing a bench press in Times Square. When he was finished, it was New Year's Eve. When the last barbell went down and everybody kissed each other. Everybody did.

Yeah, that sailor kissed that nurse that he just grabbed off his street. That image is like a classic image, but really is like a sexual assault. Yeah. Okay. We all know that, right? Yeah. Well, he's a sailor. Come on.

Yeah. It's true. It's been a long time at sea. Buggering other sailors. Yeah. These are nautical terms. These are the nautical terms. God, do I ever have to bugger a woman?

Yeah. Port, starboard, port. Knots. Yeah. Bugger. Bugger the lady. Fort I ever have to bugger a woman? Port, starboard, board. Knots. Yeah, bugger. Bugger the lady of 40 knots. No, you don't bugger the lady. Ball sack, sheath. It's 2013, you can do whatever you want. So, Hulk Hogan was in New York

and he did an evening with Hulk Hogan. Yeah, you bet. Where he did a sit-down interview type thing. And a gentleman wrote a review of it. He went and saw it. It was only 25% full in terms of audience. Hulk Hogan came out on stage, didn't rip his shirt off, kept his shirt on the whole time. What?

Didn't flex at all. I'm not an animal. But he is a Hogan. Did he at least pop any buttons off his shirt on the whole time. What? Didn't flex at all. I'm not an animal. But he is a hogan. Did he at least pop any buttons off his shirt? He's not an animal, but he has two pythons. Three if you've seen the movie. Yeah. The whole video.

He did an interview thing and people were like heckling and stuff, which you would expect from wrestling fans. Well, and from anything like that. This is not inside the wrestler's studio where you ask questions and there's a stack of blue cards. When I went to see Charlie Sheen on his Torpedo Truthfulness tour, it was nonstop people yelling the whole time. Yeah, so that's what I imagine happened here. Only this was in a theater in New York. Practice, practice, practice. Was it Carnegie Hall? Yep, absolutely.

He didn't do a ripping the shirt off, but he did come out and do a kick line. Yeah. It was really great. It's not Radio City Music Hall. Get your halls straight. What did you say? Carnegie. Oh.

The practice one. Not the Rockette one. Oh, yeah. Is the Carnegie one the one where you warm up and then you go? Carnegie. The practice one. Not the Rockette one. Oh, yeah. Is the Carnegie one the one where you warm up and then you go? No, no, no. You practice somewhere else. You get to Carnegie Hall. Oh, I see.

These are the directions. Okay, I gotcha. Anyways, so he just, it wasn't very good, apparently. This was like not a cheap ticket either. And so he had no ripping the shirt off. I mean, that's the least somebody could do, right? I mean, certainly that somebody. Yeah.

Yeah. No, anybody. Oh, okay. Yeah. Would you want him to do it at the beginning or at the end? Because it'd be weird if he just came out and like, and then just sat in a nice chair. And then put on another shirt. Or I would want him to put on like a robe, like a Hugh Hefner robe, rip off his shirt, and then comes the robe.

Put on like a nice, yeah, that's, and then it's like a classy evening. Then he lies down on a bearskin rug and kicks his legs. What I want to see happen is that they make a paper mache shirt around him as he's talking. Like he has to stay very still while they create a paper mache shirt around him, wait for it to dry, and then he carefully rips it. Yeah, that'd be fun. Basically anything on what happened sounds like it would have been an improvement. So there you go. Big show in New York, reviewed online.

Stinkaroo. Yeah. So there you go. That's Hulk New York, reviewed online. Stinkaroo. Yeah. So there you go. That's Hulk Hogan news for this week. Thanks for the theme. Thanks for listening. Everybody take care of each other.

Have a good night. Overheard. Now, what these are, are the moments in our lives when we overhear something that wasn't meant for us. We see something that makes us curious. Makes us go, hmm. Mm-hmm. Things that make you go, hmm. Ivan, you know what it's all about.

You haven't overheard. I brought, I thought I only had one, but then I had two. I was trying to tell everyone. But I have one. I haven't overheard. All right. This was from the last time I worked at Science World. And there is an exhibit about whales.

And along the wall, there's like a evolution chart of like they think that whales came from mammals. Small whales. Yeah. Or no. Came from mammals? They came from like land mammals, like some kind of mouse. Oh, okay. Always went into the water and then eventually got really big and fat. So they have all these, like, it's got feet, and then it's kind of got sharp teeth, and then sort of fins for feet, and then more fins, and then less teeth.

And it really wasn't rat? Yeah, they say it looked like a rat at the beginning, but like a big rat, like a wombat, but not really. A capybara. Yeah, something say it looked like a rat at the beginning. But like a big rat. Like a wombat. But not really. A capybara. Sure. Something like that. Anyway, there's a kid and his mom. They're standing next to it.

And the kid goes, he's pointing at all the ones in between, rat and whale. And he's like, that one looks like a Pokemon. That one looks like a Pokemon. And then the mom was like, they all look like a Pokemon. Everything looks like a Pokemon. And then under his breath, the kid was like, I'm a Pokemon. She's had enough. She's had enough of his Pokemon talk.

I mean, there's enough Pokemon. Well, first of all, you got to catch them all. But there's enough of them that they can look like everything. Yeah. There's one that looks like a fire hydrant. They're pocket monsters. Oh, yeah. How many do you have to get?

Catch as many as you can. Yeah. Gotta catch. You have to catch them all. Catch what you can. Do your best at catching. Yeah. Try your hardest. Be happy with one or two.

He wants to be the very best, like no one ever was. To catch them is his real test. Is that a theme song? To train them is his cause. You theme song train them is his cars you know his name that's it he's the gentleman who catches the pokemon his name is hat guy he wears a hat and he's from japan he likes pokemon everybody do the pokemon shovel shovel. Don't worry, there's a black guy in the show. Digimon. Digital monsters.

Digimon are the champions. Go bots. Digimon seem more reasonable because they were like computer generated in the fun. I think you were a child when we were adults. And also, how does reason factor into this for you? I don't know.

In terms of reasonability? I don't remember. Like, why was one more reasonable than the other? Because Pokemon seemed annoying because you had to, like, catch them. You had to catch all of them. Yeah. Why do you want them all?

Who let them go? The Trix rabbit. Nobody. The Lucky Charms guy. The kids took him from him. They were after his lucky Pokemon. Gotta have my... What is it?

Me want Pokemon? Yeah. Me want Pokemon. Me want your overheard. Me got... Me say Jar Jar. Yep. Here's what's up with my overheard.

This week, mine is an overseen. And you don't have to like it, but you will respect it. Don't understand that. The other day, I was walking down the street, and this was just something that delighted me. It wasn't much, but it doesn't take much these days. Walking down the street, and I saw an eight-year-old kid biking uphill. He was really trying really hard, had his hands on both of the handles, and

I was like, I saw him from a distance, and I was like, that kid's got a giant like lizard tongue hanging out of his mouth. Whoa. And when he got closer, I realized that he was eating a freezie. Oh, yeah!

While biking, and he was trying so hard that he couldn't use one of his hands to hold onto a freezie. Oh, yeah! While biking, and he was trying so hard that he couldn't use one of his hands to hold onto the freezie, so it was dangling outside of his mouth like a giant lizard tongue. Wow. I do like it and respect it. Yeah, there was definitely a period of my life where using my mouth as a thing that would hold things was an option. Before germophobia took over. Also before having to pay my own dentist bills. Sure. where like using my mouth as a thing that would hold things was an option.

Before germophobia. Also before having to pay my own dentist bills. Sure. I feel like now I would be very embarrassed if my dentist was like, how did you lose this tooth? And I was like, I was zipping up my jacket with my mouth. I didn't want to drop my mittens in the snow. I was holding two freezies.

But wait. So I zipped up and chipped my tooth. Yeah, that kid's great. Salute to kids. Gotta catch them all, right guys? No, do not. Do not catch any kids. Don't catch them, guys.

Graham, that's it for overheards, right? No, no, no. I have one as well. As well. But then that's it. Yeah. No. We'll talk. No.

Ask your mother. This was on the bus, and I was getting on the bus as this guy said this. So I don't know what the lead up to it was, but I assume that this guy has an abundance of sprinklers because he was saying to his friend, there are people who pay for sprinklers. This guy either like was just sprinkler rich. They couldn't understand that people paid for them or he was like, I got a golden opportunity. There are people who do. They're called everyone who has a sprinkler oh i inherited my sprinkler damn estate tax taxing 20 of my water

of my sprinkles now you mentioned before there's uh there's other overheards there's not they're not just confined to this room. I never mentioned that. Well, you alluded to it. Ball-rog? Ball-rog? There are overheards that are sent in to us by people all over the world. If you want to be one of these people, send it in

to spy at maximumfund.org. Nice. This first one comes from Evan B. from North Vancouver. Oh, local boy. Evan B. from North Vancouver. Oh, local boy. Makes good. I hope so.

I was in the supermarket in the checkout line behind this very old lady who almost looked like Tyler Perry's Madea, but white. It's a white Madea. So unfathomable what this woman looks like. It was a long line. woman looks like it was a long line uh so she was uh she was staring into her basket the whole time and she was staring at her basket for a good two minutes eventually she sighed and goes i think that's too many eggs and takes out three cartons of eggs and places them next to the mars bars in the chocolate chocolate bar rack yeah then when she makes it to the cashier who hasn't noticed her, the old lady says, some teen just left a bunch of eggs.

And then under her breath goes youths. Some teen. Maybe it was a tween. You don't know. You don't know how old they were. They might've been 12. How do you overestimate by 36 eggs? That is too many eggs.

They only live in a bungalow. Oh, yeah. I don't cook for a thrashing crew anymore. On the prairies. Yeah. Oh, I'm not doing that bet with Cool Hand Luke this week. Also, great work. Yeah, great work.

I had it and I lost it. This next one comes from Lee in Chicago. Lee K in Chicago. Does the K make an N sound? It does. It does, yeah. Good. Just fixing up a name in my It does. It does. Yeah. Good. Just, just making, fixing up a name in my brain.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Knife. Yeah. Uh, cousin of Mac the Knife. Yeah. Um, this is Lee in Chicago. I can't stop listening to your podcast.

Oh, that sounds great. Um, I worry about electricity. Go to work. You need to go to work. This happened in sixth grade health class. Teacher, what is the most important thing about sex?

Kid in the back of the room, skill. He's not wrong. What is it? Well, I guess that is it. Yeah, skill. I don't know. Nudity is pretty great. Yeah, well? Well, I guess that is it. Yeah, skill. I don't know. Kids are great. I don't know. Nudity is pretty great.

Yeah, well, no, it's important to it, but it's not the most important thing. You have to be nude. You can do it through. I know, but it's like. Yeah, like the oven. It's part of the thrill. You get to see a boob or two if you're lucky. Maybe both if you're married, Dave. Yeah, exactly.

I've never seen two. Boobs ended marriage. Oh, really? Oh, nuts. Yeah, exactly. I've never seen two. Boobs ended marriage. Oh, really? Oh, nuts. Except for me. The trading bra goes back on. I've been growing a couple. On the slot. Don't tell the old lady.

They're in the shed. Gross. It's like weird science, but only part of it. It's weirirder it's much weirder hey it's a couple of breasts in here um this last one comes from ashley m uh from parts unknown um i haven't overheard today i was sitting in a sears automotive center uh waiting room sorry i should say that again waiting room waiting room oh man these teleprompters today i was sitting in a sears automotive we should get teleprompters thank you max fun donors for getting teleprompters

today i was sitting in a Sears Automotive Center waiting room. Shit. Shit. Today I was sitting in a Sears Automotive Center waiting room waiting for my car to be fixed. This room has a door that goes to the bay where they fix the cars. After a time, a man and his two children came into the waiting room. The children could not have been more than three or four years old. The father told them to sit in one place while he stepped into the bay room. The children could not have been more than three or four years old. The father told them to

sit in one place while he stepped into the bay to speak with an employee. As he left, the kids ran after him, screaming and pounding on the door. Don't go, Daddy! They'll kill you! We love you! They'll kill you! Don't go, Daddy! They'll kill you.

Don't go, daddy. They'll kill you. Four-year-olds understand murder. Yeah. They understand how Sears work. Yeah. They'll kill your wallet. Oh, man.

So great. Kids can be so dramatic for no reason. I don't even think the Sears here does automotive. Nope. Portraits. That's all the Sears here does automotive. Nope. Portraits. That's all the Sears here does. I remember... Oh, it's closed. Oh, yeah. We don't have a Sears here. It does nothing. But even when it was just a department store. But, like, I remember

watching Home Improvement, and she always had to keep Tim from going to Sears, spending all his money on tools. Would you go to Sears to buy tools? Why would he go anywhere? And he's like the Canadian tire of maybe down there. But he had the,

he had a TV show that was sponsored by a tool company. Binford. Yeah. Which then actually made tools or appeared in a,

oh, it appeared in Toy Story as a tool. Huh. They didn't make real ones like Bubba Gump became a real shrimp place? Maybe they did.

I don't know. Is it possible? Is it marketing or did these movies just wish themselves into reality? Which? Bubba Gump? Yeah. Bubba Gump 2? Did they make a wish that made it become a real?

Yeah, it was part of the... In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. Go go daddy. He'll kill you! Your movie has crossed the line. You get one wish. You made enough money. If you want to call us,

our phone number is 206-339- 8328 Damn teleprompter. Hey guys, I got an overheard for you. This is Dustin calling from Connecticut. I was just at a job there, and I heard a couple guys talking behind me in line. And the first guy was telling the other guy about a girlfriend that he used,

an ex-girlfriend of his. For some reason, that came up. So guy one says, oh, yeah, it was a really terrible reason why we broke up. It was really complicated. As it turns out, her ex-boyfriend, or her former boyfriend, rather, died in 9-11. Guy two, wow, that's really terrible. Guy one, yeah, you know, he was in the Twin Towers,

and it was really bad, and she just couldn't get past it. I really tried to help her, but she wasn't even aware of it. It's just a really heavy thing. Guy 2, wow, that's terrible. Guy 1, oh, yeah, and she snored. Yeah, speaking of the negatives, Gollum. Wow. What was that movie with Adam Sandler?

Extremely Close and Incredibly Close. Yeah. Eyes Wide Shut. Both close. What was the one? You know what I'm talking about. He was on a scooter. Don Cheadle.

Oh, Release Me, Deliver Me. Something like that, yeah. You've got me. Cheadle Me. You've been Cheadled. Oh, release me. Deliver me. Something like that, yeah. You got me. Cheadle me. You've been cheadled. Rain on me. Yeah, that was it. Rain on me?

Yeah. R-E-I-G-A-N. R-E-I-G-N. Was it rain over me? Rain over me. Yeah, it was rain over me. Pee on me. Yeah, because why would you...

Rain on me. Golden rain. Wink. Wow. What was that about? rain on me golden rain wink wow what was that about a scooter yeah it was about a magic scooter

Larry Crown it had something to do with the scooter movies yeah it was Adam Sandler he was like a doctor or a lawyer

or something and then his family died with a wig in 9-11 and then he just like turned into a kid. He just like wouldn't accept that they weren't. Wait, that's big.

That's reverse big. That's 13 going on 30. Freaky Friday. He switched bodies with his mom. Well, which one took place in 9-11? 17 again. Ah, thank you. But yeah, it had a 9-11 overtones. It was called 9-11 again.

I don't remember the end of that movie. I forget what happened. I think he was fine. He got reigned over. I think it ended good, I guess. I think he was fine. I think he dies in the end. Really?

No, he joins Al-Qaeda. Yeah. Oh, weird plot twist. Yeah, yeah plot twist. And then he's the lead guy in Zero Dark Thirty. That was the sequel to Reign Over Me. Anyways, moving on. Zero Dark Thirty.

What's his character? That's supposed to be Adam Sandler. Oh, I'm in a cave. Oh, I'm in a cave. He doesn't... Your character has these weird cramp hands. Also, there are no caves in Zero Dark Thirty. It's all in the spirit fingers. Yeah, who is he in Zero Dark Thirty?

But he's still being in a cave. He's a bat. They didn't find him. Here's your next phone call. I never saw this earlier. Jeez. Hey, Dave Graham and probable guest. This isn't overheard.

While I was at the dentist's office, there was a group of dental hygienists standing around talking, and one of them said, Girls, I'm finally going to do it. I'm going to buy a shake weight. Gross. Yeah. I'm going to alienate my friends. Now's the time to buy. Yeah weight gross yeah i'm gonna alienate my friends but it's a now now's the time to buy yeah oh absolutely after easter all those kids who didn't get a shake weight for easter

yeah time to go on what uh uh we've all seen the shake weight right It's the thing that mimics A sexual A lewd sexual act Oh I didn't get that at all from it What is but what muscle Groups I think it's your Your flats

Your all over flats Tricep the dangly bit It gets rid of the chicken wings on girls. It ain't no thing. Oh, but how come all the ads I've seen are guys using it? Guys get chicken wings, too. Really? Oh, man, that's funny. It's funny when a guy gets them. Mostly chickens get

them, though. Do chickens use shake weights? They shake and bake. Shake and bake weight. That seems like it would be a good mad tv sketch yeah yeah shake and bake wait yeah yeah call fox uncancel it we've got the the sketch that'll save it let's just do a christmas special or something yeah yeah like air farce uh do you guys want your final over i do i'm trying to find out how uh rain over me ends oh this is what you're want your final over? I do. I'm trying to find out how Rain Over Me ends.

Oh. This is what you're using your phone for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mid-podcast? By the way, this is just the middle of the podcast. We have another 90 minutes. Yay! Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Dave from Vancouver.

I have an overheard for you under the category of the kid saves the darndest. I just dropped off my friends and their four-year-old son. As he was getting out of the car, he was trying to get my attention, and he looked me square in the eye, and he slowly said, my husband is my sister. Anyway, thanks. My husband is my sister. Anyway, thanks. My husband is my sister? Yeah. Yeah.

So that's like one of those riddles. What does that make you? Yeah, the doctor. I can't operate on her. My husband is my sister. Pretty good, kid. That was like a ridiculous joke. I can't operate on this boy.

It's my son. Why would that be? The doctor's a woman. What? But it's the 90s. And I don't think that that was a joke. It was a riddle. Yeah, whatever.

You don't have to figure it out. Yeah, that riddle book I had certainly wasn't funny. The bit of the Sphinx. Oh, man. I'm trying to think of another one of those go-to riddles. Oh, isn't there one where it's like... There's red blood on the blue boat? It's a tattoo. Oh, I've never heard that one, but good payoff.

Isn't there one where it's just like, you can't stand on a roof or something like that? It's just like a play on words. Like, the plane crashed. Oh yeah. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Yeah, there it is. That's the riddle I was thinking of.

That's not a riddle. I'm confused about what it is. I don't know what it is. Ladies be shopping. Riddle? Yeah, that's a riddle. Riddle me this, ladies. What you be? Why you be shopping so much? What Yeah, that's a riddle. Riddle me this, ladies. What you be?

Why you be shopping so much? What is the Riddler's name? Jim Carrey. Enigma? Oh, Edward Enigma. Yeah. A guy on Pawn Stars was trying to sell a Batman Forever riddle. Like what?

Like just one of the riddles used in the movie. I don't get it. It was like... Like it's like on a piece of paper? Yeah, it was like on this pop-up book style cardboard, and it was this classic riddle from the Batman Forever picture. Read by James Carrey?

Well, no. Sent by James Carrey. Read by Valerie Kilmer. Oh by Valerie Kilmer. Oh, Valerie Kilmer, yeah. He was a guy who had a huge career, and I was like, what's going on with that guy right now? I thought he died. Yeah, he died.

Wasn't he not able to eject or something? Nope. No. What are you referencing? Top Gun, but the wrong character. Was he the guy who couldn't eject? He was Ice Goose. Yeah, that guy.

I've never seen Top Gun. But at least you've seen Iron Eagle. Yeah. A thousand times. Enough to reference this Walkman scene. Let me tell you the Ten Commandments of Iron Eagle. Number one, always be thrashing metal when you're stealing your dad's jet.

No one gets left behind. An unnamed dictator from an unnamed country is always a dick, so shoot him with a missile. Oh, sure, absolutely. I can't get over Ice Goose. I don't want to. That's where I want to be. Well, that's a good place to leave. Ice goose.

Unless you want to find the end of rain over me. I did. It doesn't end well. Really? No, it just ends boringly. Everyone gets cancer. Now, Ivan. Yes. A couple of things. You said you're going to be in Toronto in the not too distant future. Is that right? Do you know when and where you're going to be in Toronto in the not too distant future.

Is that right? Do you know when and where you're going to be? I'll be, the one show that I have booked is Nearly Robots Show. It's a website that has sponsored me to do a show for them. It's at Comedy Bar on, I believe, the 9th. Our old friends at Comedy Bar.

Of May. I'm going to be in Toronto from the 5th to the 9th so I'll be there 5th of May oh sorry 5th to the 19th oh wow two weeks yeah I believe it is on two days three nights

yeah you gotta take a couple weeks to see all of Toronto you gotta go all the way down all the way down Yonge Street if you're going to Toronto for two weeks can I recommend what I couldn't see in three days? What's that? Medieval something. Medieval Times? Medieval Times, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Is there one there? Yeah. I'm totally going. But they spell Times. It's a food pun. Yeah. One of those classic food puns.

Yeah, there's that. And then there is also, I'll be in Toronto and then I'm here. Vancouver. In town, obviously. I'm on the intranet. Where are you on the intranet? Ivandecker.com. Also, Twitter.

I'm on Twitter. At Ivandecker. I-V-A-N-D-E-C-K-E-R. Oh, did you get your name properly? Yeah, I got my whole name. Wasn't it IV4N before? It was IV4N for a while, and then I discovered that I am not a computer hacker from 1998.

And I should probably spell my name with letters. Did you give up on that? I gave up on that career. I was not... I failed at hacking into the Chinese bank too many times. Yeah, yeah, you couldn't go in the... you couldn't find the back door to the system. Yeah, exactly. So... Oh no no they put in some booby traps for my keyboard my fingers

enhance yeah oh no this whole keyboard's been rigged it's got mouse traps on every key i don't know if i can hack this. Yeah. So I'm on Twitter. I also have my comedy special that I did at the Waldorf has been released in audio format on iTunes. So it's my first comedy album, I guess. No. Well, maybe. Not that I know of. All right.

But yours is going to be on iTunes. It is already out on iTunes. It is available for download right now. The weird thing about it is that it is more expensive than the video version because you have to pay 99 cents a track. And it is nine tracks. So it's – Eight, 90, something. Ten tracks.

So it's $9.90 for the audio. But then you have it. You can take it anywhere you want with you, right? Yeah, exactly. On the treadmill, on the elliptical, on the stair machine. And it's broken up

into tracks. You can put it on random. Use one of them as your alarm clock. I'll wake you up in the morning. Yeah, ringtone. Oh, that's fun. I'm going to go skiing.

Yeah. Or whatever. Hey, buy some skis. That's my ringtone. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I've got to take this. It's got to go.

There's a ski salesman on the phone. So check out Ivan Decker. If you haven't seen Ivan Decker perform live, you have to. He's very, very funny. And if you can't make it to Toronto or Vancouver, download the guy's special. Or go to iTunes and download that thing. Yeah.

It's still the same special. Lots of D-L-ing. Dave, do you have anything that you want to be conscious for? Nope. I think I'm happy to be back in Vancouver. Glad to have you. This was a great trip to Sweden. I hung out with that other Dave who called in while you were out of town.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's trouble. Yeah, no kidding. He's churros. Yeah, he's churros. Download Dave at Sweden.com. I'll be there.

So thanks, everybody. Graham, how about you? Oh, I'm going to be in Toronto at the end of this week when this podcast comes out. I'll be playing at a place called the, I don't remember what it's called, The Lot. The Lower Ossington Theater. Excellent. Yeah. I'll put it on Twitter. You Lot. The Lower Ossington Theater. Excellent. Yeah. I'll put it on Twitter.

You guys who follow me on Twitter, I'm at IvanDacker on Twitter. Yep. And I'll update you about that. But yeah, that's a heads up, right? That counts as a plug. People always get so mad when we don't plug stuff. Yeah, well, why don't people stay to the end? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

That's what makes me mad. And if you like our show, please go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week. Pictures and videos relating to the content, this here podcast. Probably a picture of that crazy honeycomb monster. Yeah, me want honeycomb. We'll have Moses. Churro.

The song Churro. The Churro song. It's called the song Churro. Brackets the Churro song. And if you like the show, tell your friends. And if you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at MaximumFun.org or 206-339-8328. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Damn teleprompter.

Yeah. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.