Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 27 - Dylan Rhymer

Episode Date: September 1, 2008

Soon-to-be-former-Vancouver comedian Dylan Rhymer stops by to talk capes, Canadian talk shows, and Arsenio Hall. We read some mail, and Ottawa correspondent Brad MacNeil counts down his favourite episodes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Woo! All right, everybody, welcome to episode number 27 in a series of 1,200 podcasts of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me here in the Vancouver downtown studio overlooking the rush hour traffic, the excellent and hilarious Mr. Dave Shumka. Hey, Graham, I've got traffic updates on the one. Joining us here in the studio,

Mr. Dylan Reimer, writer, producer, actor, comedian, soon-to-be... I'm a kiting enthusiast as well. You are a kiting enthusiast. I love to fly kites. We can talk about that for an hour. Nobody will listen,

except other people who like kites. Yeah. Kites are fun. So Benjamin Franklin, if you're out there. Yeah. From beyond the grave, come talk to me about kites. Do you know any other kite enthusiasts? Benjamin Franklin would love my...

I have an 11-foot kite shaped like a frog. Would Benjamin Franklin like that? He might think it was a witch. Yeah, he's probably trying to burn me. Yeah, he wasn't a man of science. He was a witch burner, right? Yeah. Benjamin Franklin was a well-known witch burner.

And a liver. And bald and fat. Yeah. He invented the trifocals. That's three focals. So he was a nerd. He was the first nerd. He was the first major nerd.

In fact, people actually said nerd to him, and they didn't even realize what they were saying. As soon as they saw Ben Franklin... He coined the term nerd. No, no, someone else did. Oh, like a jock? Yeah. It was just a grunt that turned into... It's nerd!

Yeah, nobody knew what it meant. But for some reason, everyone thought of Benjamin Franklin. So, Dylan, you've listened to the show before. You know how we like to start this out with a little segment we call Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. Dylan, since you're the guest and you will be leaving town in just under a month. 29 days. 29 days.

You're counting them down. Oh, yeah. Scratching them off the calendar. You are moving to Toronto. Yes. Never to be seen or heard from ever again. I'd like to think so. But I've said that before. Remember when Aubrey was going to New York and I was going to

England forever? And that lasted three months. I still have the poster in my somewhere in like a box of stuff and it's a very kind of triumphant Dylan's failures box. You've been keeping track of all my great failures. That was a whopper of a failure, though. Well, where'd you...

You moved to England, and you were there when the bombing went on. I was there for one week, and then those rascally terrorists blew up. I think they prefer the term wascally. Wascally... Terrorists. Terror terrorists blew up. I think they prefer the term wascally. Wascally. Terrorists.

Terrorists blew up some tube stations. And as a result, it was very difficult to get my paperwork done. How long were you there? Because you were there longer than a week. Three months. I was there for three months. I managed to eke out an existence for three months. Where were you living in London when you were there? I lived in Brixton.

Okay, Brixton. Nice. If you're familiar with London, that's like... It's the Jamaican neighborhood. Yeah. But I don't mean that in a white supremacist way. No. It's more in a Dylan is not... In case you haven't picked up from his accent.

I'm not a bigot. Or Jamaican. I'm not even remotely Jamaican. Kevin Fox is partially, isn't he? He was from the Bahamas. Oh, okay. That's remotely Jamaican. I'm not even remotely Jamaican. Kevin Fox is partially, isn't he? He was from the Bahamas. Oh, okay. That's remotely Jamaican. I guess. I have no idea where the Bahamas

or Jamaica are. Which makes me ignorant, but not racist. I'm going to say the Caribbean. In the ocean. In the ocean. But yes, I lived in Brick. And this is like any kind of language on this show, right? Yeah.

That's where the term... That's where I got ginger cunt from. Ginger cunt. Right. Hey, hey, ginger. Hey, ginger. You want some up down? No, thank you.

Hey, ginger cunt. And then I'm like, oh, I'm a ginger... You want some up down? Yeah, whatever. Whatever it was. Fucking up down. Whatever the hell they were selling. I don't even know what it was.

I thought the point of that joke was that you do accents. That's right. I was just trying to showcase my amazing vocal dexterity see it's like it's it's like there's a jamaican british crack dealer in the room we do actually have one on call do you yeah no no interesting i lived in brixton and my my bedroom window was right on the street level and so every night i'd have like two or three crackheads sitting and smoking crack and talking till like five o'clock in the morning so cracks big over in britain very big very very popular because they're not worried about it rotting their teeth very popular but uh for for days i tried to figure out how to keep these crackheads from my stoop

and so i pour um like bleach or vinegar or whatever I try to moan you for a while to make it smell bad but then I'm like but the crack is like 50% ammonia something if anything it was just like it just drew them more I think I smell crack I love that that was if anything if you made it kind of cozier they might have been like oh I don't this is getting weird you pick something so cartoony, like a bad smell. Yeah. A boot? A skunk?

Well, you can't tell them to fuck off, because then they'll beat you up. And they know where you live. You know what worked? An anvil? No. Mr. Smarty Pants. Seven Up. Seven Up or any kind of pop.

But then you had a huge wasp problem well i just never opened my window but uh yeah seven up is crackhead repellent really yeah you pour it all over the they don't want to sit there anymore oh because it's like super sticky yeah it ruins their jeans those those trendy white jeans that they all love to wear those crackheads that's how you can spot one at a distance so you're moving to Toronto you've given notice I quit my job which is great

although I'm supposed to go like I don't have a job I'm a professional stand up comic whoever says that though anybody who says that is kind of a liar or Dave Tisonis Dave Tisonis makes a point of saying it a lot yes to my face i um but he also has no money well no comics have any money no that's that's uh that's like a generally held yeah yeah and and cherished i just throw money away when people give it to me i don't even i won't work for money

that's why i'm uh that's why i'm big on doing all these shows for free it's all about the love and the laughter of children with diseases yeah that's all comedy sometimes i'll just go find i'll just go find a kid who has a disease and just tell him a joke that's how i spend my days off usually usually something that you've tried out in the clubs but not like a gross disease. I just mean like maybe impetigo. That's a cute disease. What's the one that makes people look like they're old men

but they're little kids still? I don't think they've even named it, but they just have TLC. You know what they should call it? George Burns disease. Oh my god. So wrong. What's that one that makes people look like Lou Gehrig? Who is that? No, that's not why they look like Lou Gehrig? Who is that? No, that's not why they call it Lou Gehrig's disease.

No, he was just the most famous guy to get it. But that's not true, because who has it now? There's somebody that has it right now that's way more famous than Lou Gehrig ever was. Tiger Woods? No. Is it? Somebody? I read it.

Annette Funicello? I read it in that book, actually. No. No, where did I read it? Ben Affleck.? Ben Affleck. Not Ben Affleck. What does Muhammad Ali have? Parkinson's.

Okay. Is that a guy named Parkinson? Yeah. So if you get the disease... First. No, do you have to get it, or do you just have to discover it? I don't think that you want to name... Like, there was no, like, Theodore D. Cancer.

No. No. Or Bob Jerome AIDS. Oh. thing that you want to name like there was no like theodore d cancer no no or bob jerome aids oh that's not even a name yeah it's bob jerome yeah yeah no one does that jerome who'd name the kid jerome if your last name is aids i don't know that's just two unfortunate names what did gwen stefani name her kid it Rock. Yeah, I forget what the second one was. It was like Rock. Candy. Rock Candy. Puss. Cougar Melon Camp.

Yes. Puss Cougar Melon Camp. Candy. Rossdale. Candy Puss Cougar Melon Camp. Yeah, good luck with that life. Have fun. I think she may have named it Bob Jerome Aids Rossdale.

Have fun. I think she may have named it Bob Jerome Aids Rossdale. Is there anything... You're also co-running a show with former guest Kyle Bottom. Kyle was on the show before I was. Yeah. He begged. That's fucked up. Get your priorities straight.

Don't you read the comedy couch? These newbies are ruining the Vancouver comedy scene. Yeah, they're tearing. You know who's ruining the Vancouver comedy scene? Vancouver. Yeah, because the thing was it used to be, before the new guys came around, I was making money hand over

fist, ass over tea kettle. Do you remember the money barrel Tuesdays? Yeah. You'd go to the well and just say you're a comedian and then elves would come out from the ground with a barrel full of thousand dollar bills there was just for and you didn't have to prove that you were a comic you just had to claim to be one there was just just remember the jewels then uh uh watermelon started that room on maine and didn't charge a cover and then the elves were so offended that they went back to the center of the earth and they shut down the money making i remember i remember that like and and i've been poor ever since but it was i was like and my mom's

like maybe you should hold on at least one barrel of thousand dollar bills i'm like that ma this train date never stopped that's right i used to just i drill a hole in the barrel of money and just it and set it on fire while i was it and then i'd throw it in the ocean dave's one of the new people yeah i'm a. Yeah, I'm a little newer. You missed out on the money barrel fucking fest. Was there ever an organized festival of it? Not really. We didn't have to organize.

You just showed up and there was just money to be had. It was just have a barrel of money for an ounce and do what you want with it. You went to a well for this? The Urban Well. Oh, okay. That was just have a barrel of money from an elf. It was great. And do what you want with it. You went to a well for this? The Urban Well. Oh, okay. That was... Oh, yeah.

I was confused. It wasn't a well like the Well of Lost Souls. Right. Or the Well of the Souls from Raiders of the Lost Ark, I think. Is that what it was called?

The Well of Lost Souls? Yeah, where he puts the stick in and then the sun comes in and makes a laser. Hey, did you see the latest Indiana Jones? We can discuss this. Well, we will.

We'll get back to that because I want to hear what's going on with Daveave's week first we'll bring us back i'll go back i enjoyed it anyways really remember what happened this week oh we saw a lot of summer to recap no this is the yeah we're still in the get to know portion okay at this point we're still courting this is the courtship yeah this is the slow mating dance that's right you have to listen and maybe we'll let you do another segment um nothing well just tell um all right here's something uh graham you're a vegetarian for now yeah um for now are you uh did you smell something some nice no no it's always been a thing that i'm like let's see how long i can do it i'm not I'm not one of those people that's like, this is a thing. That's why I don't have

any tattoos. Because I can never be like, I'm gonna believe in this thing. Is that why you're still chewing Nicorette? Oh, it's just Trident. Did you finally quit Nicorette? Yeah, buddy. XL gum, buddy. Because that was a long stretch of Nicorette. Hells yeah! But that's

it. We're not talking about... Meat's not addictive. Like, well, maybe., but that's it. We're not talking about... Meat's not addictive. Well, maybe. Some meat, human flesh? You're right. Have you ever had the flesh of an orphan child? I haven't. Because I'm afraid I'll get addicted. Falls off the bone. Not technically. An orphan. I think they were in a foster home

at the time. Anyway, since your vegetarianism is going great, I heard something that will help you last a little longer in your vegetarianism. And this has nothing to do

with the meat scare that's going on in Canada right now. What is that stuff called? Listerosis? Hysteriosis. I'll see meat and I'll just run away from meat. Well, if you just saw it, like if you were just walking home

and you saw a piece of meat, you might run away. Hand-shaped. But if I see a cow, I just freak out. I'm like, disease! Anyways, I'm sorry. I cut you off. You were going to tell us about botulism or something. I wasn't going to tell you about botulism. Well, maybe I was.

I saw this thing before that whole meat crisis that was all about meat safety on TV. Well, not meat safety on TV. I saw the thing on TV about meat safety. On meat safety TV. On meat safety TV. It's one of those shows that's on right after that show about the mining industry.

You're watching Meat Safety TV. Is it Meat Miners? They go down and get their meat. That's where it comes from, right? Meat Miner. That sounds kind of like sex. It sounds like one of those punk bands that's not ever going to go anywhere. Meat Miner Threat.

Meat Miner Threat. Which I believe was a record signing at InScore. punk bands it's not ever going to go anywhere yeah meat minor threat meat minor threat which i believe was a record signing in score um they uh on this meat safety sorry tell us about your horrible meat this meat safety uh psa i saw was ways to prevent getting... It was like botulism or salmonella or whatever. And one of the suggestions that they gave was after you marinate your meat in a marinade, then you cook it. Marinades. Don't then pour the marinade on top of the cooked meat.

And that just grossed me out. And now every... Why wouldn't you pour the marinade on top of it? Oh, you mean after you cooked it? Yeah. Come on. That's like don't eat your shit in a sandwich and you won't get sick. Who does that?

Yeah, that's... And now I can't get the image out of my head. That's so gross. I bet you a lot of people do that, though. Because they're like, what do I do with this now? Do I just throw it out? No, when you're barbecuing it, you throw it on. Yeah, that's fine.

No, but I'm saying there's probably a lot of stupid people out there that would. No, no. You put some gin and ice cubes, and then you drink the marinade. You wash down. Or you inject it. You get a turkey baster, and you stick it up your ass, and you fire that marinade right into your lower intestine. You can mainline it, or you can suppository it. There's so many ways to get marinade up in that bitch. Back in that bitch.

So that was my week. Some week. That was a big week. Even dwelling on that for like two months. I've been having visions. Oh god. That's scary. Yeah that's scary. That is um that was the scary. Yeah, that's scary. That is a bad marinade story. Well, don't watch Meat Miners TV or whatever. That's how Houdini died, actually. He drank some marinade. And then somebody punched him in the stomach. And it was because he drank meat marinade. That's right.

And the guy went to prison for manslaughter. And nobody knew that it was actually the marinade that killed Houdini. Did that guy actually go to prison for manslaughter? No, I don't know. He was probably put in the stocks for a week. No one cares about Houdini. Fuck Houdini! Whoa, hey!

I want to be like Harry Houdini. Somewhere David Blaine just got a shiver. What? You're next. Houdini. No, he got punched. That's what it was. And then he tried to do the submerged thing, but he had ruptured something when he got punched.

That's right. Yeah, like a ruptured spleen or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poor guy. Imagine being at that show. That's the Houdini show to see. The one where he doesn't make it. The one where he fucks it up.

Well, there was one where they had to smash open the glass because he couldn't get out of the thing fast enough. It was the upside down water torture or whatever. Wow. He tanked. he bombed i mean i wonder if that's how magicians feel after something like that they're like oh i blew it tonight god they had to use the hammer no dude it wasn't so bad like right up until you're lucky to be alive just think of it that way no he was really good it's really good no one could no one could tell acoustics in the room were weird people were applauding you just couldn't hear drinking there was a hockey game on right before you went on. They served the food right when you went on.

Your ears were filled with fluids. There's no way you could hear how much they were enjoying it. They were Christians. They thought you were a demon. There are a million reasons why. Have you ever been given that consolation at the end? People did think you were a demon.

People did think you had a demon in you. That was during Dylan's brief phase where you go up with a cloak. Yes, that's right. You know there's a fine line between a hero's cape and a villain's cape. I think that... It's all in the collar, isn't it? The collar. The collar is a villain.

Yeah, you can be Ming the Merciless or you can be the Shadow. But what about Doctor Strange? The Shadow doesn't wear a cloak. He collar is a villain. Yeah, you can be Ming the Merciless or you can be the Shadow. But what about Doctor Strange? The Shadow doesn't wear a cloak. He wears a trench coat. What the hell does the Shadow wear? He wears a big hat. And it makes people think he has a big nose. And he had a scarf.

That's a scarf. I really only know him from the radio plays. I love the Shadow. Shadow was always my favorite. But you were saying? Doctor Strange. He was a good guy. Never really.

I don't know much about him. I don't know shit about comics. No, but Doctor Strange was a good guy never really i don't know much but i don't know shit about comics no but dr strange was a good guy and he had the up collar like a like a villain fucking maybe if you read a bit more comic books and a little less i made my blog before i wrote my thesis where does he where is he because he's kind of he's he's a child he's a child molester but he's awesome that wasnester, but he's awesome. That was his superpower. But Do You Want to Be in My Gang is such an awesome song, but he molests kids. Originally, his name was Captain Glitter, and his alter ego is Gary Glitter.

That's right. That would be great if superheroes had the laziest secret identities. Oh, yes. Terry Superman. Ira Spiderman. Superheroes had the laziest secret identities. Oh, yes. Terry Superman. Ira Spiderman. Superman was pretty lazy with his secret identity. Superman. Glasses on, glasses off. And not only that.

Give me a break. Give me a rake is what I nearly said. Superman sucks for so many reasons. I never understood why anybody enjoyed reading Superman. I liked him as a kid. I mean, young Superman. Small villain. Yeah. I liked it when he picked up the car when he was a baby.

But after that it was just... Nothing can defeat him. How is that even remotely interesting to read or watch? I read a huge dissertation that a guy wrote for a university about the physics and biology involved in Superman

and Lois Lane having intercourse and he actually broke it down like what would like he actually figured out the velocity that he what if he came uh that it would huh when he uh c word for ejaculated okay thank you uh when he come uh right that it would be like he figured it out that it would be like a high-powered rifle, and it would go through the top of Lois' head. That's the opposite of... I have a friend in a wheelchair.

I like where this is going. Who is also a superhero. Who is handicapped because of sex. No, he told me this. He said that... And it's very interesting, because he has two babies. And, you know, the obvious questions are like, well, how this. He said that, and it's very interesting because he has two babies. Right. And, you know, the obvious questions are like, well, how?

And they said that they have this crazy contraption that they hook up, and it's like super high-powered pump, and it just like sucks the old jizz right out of your balls. And then, yeah, and then that's how you inseminate your wife. But they said that what was hilarious is it was so strong that if you put it on somebody who wasn't paralyzed below the waist it would fucking kill them was it your first then you have to imagine like somebody must have it's like in top secret you know the guy dies with the why are we always in such a rush

oh I was thinking you were talking about when the cow starts sucking on the udder oh man okay so how was your week we've totally gone off the beaten path I was in Toronto yay Toronto and actually while I was in Toronto

the topic of Dylan Reimer moving to Toronto came up no less than three times really? with who? Tisonis? Actually, while I was in Toronto, the topic of Dylan Reimer moving to Toronto came up no less than three times. Really? Yeah. With who? I went to the Spirits. No, I didn't see Tisonis when I was out there. Can we stop talking about Dave Tisonis on the podcast?

We shall never. Until he's a guest. We're doing the Rosie O'Donnell thing. Dave sponsored me. He gave me $40. I have to mention him as much as possible. Hey, guys. Team Tisonis.

Here's $40. $40. All right. I'm serious. however mike thomas has replaced dave tisanas oh it's the most impersonated guy you cannot tell a mike thomas story without stupid smart cars like you have to just start doing his voice right i see i don't know mike thomas well enough to be in the loop of the doing the voice but i hope to soon be yes no but mike thomas he i love that guy man i think it's hilarious very funny um but yeah i went anyways you were in t-do and i ronnie t-do ronnie stop

talking but me and uh i yeah i went and i taped a thing for the for the comedy network what did you tape for the comedy network it was a show called worst gig ever and it was just i just told a story about a bad gig and they put makeup on me which is how often in a year do you wear makeup zero zero to one time no more than 16 17 you count chapstick no i'm counting chat halloween i am including ha including Halloween in that mix. Or Valentine's Day. So they gave me extra eyebrows yesterday, which then I felt compelled to use for the rest of the day. Extra eyebrows? Yeah, because see, they're dark here, and then they go kind of blonde at the end.

So they gave me extra more eyebrows. So I was making crazy, like every time that I asked for something, it was always with high eyebrows or serious. Do you smell what the rock is cooking? You're like an evil hypnotist. Yeah. Look into my brows. Just my brows. Did you have a top hat?

I wish I had a top hat. Things would be so much easier. The wedding I went to this summer, all the groomsmen and the groom wore tails and a top hat. Which is a little over the top. Was there a song and dance number following? No, there wasn't. I didn't stay to the end. Involving the bride and Mike.

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll. I was once at a wedding, and the DJ played this, I'd never heard this song, and it's called I Knew the Bride when she used to rock and roll. And the bride is supposed to stand in the middle of the dance floor

while all the guys kind of... Jerk off. And the last one to finish has to eat it. We've all heard the legend of the circle jerk cracker parties, but... See, no, that was one of those... I don't think they even exist. Yeah yeah I was one of those urban myths that like

everybody that I've ever heard it from initiation mine the one first time I heard about it was in cadets that's where I heard it was in cadets I don't know I heard it from my friend who was in cadets he was like they do this thing where in cadets you have to stand around and then the last guys eat it. It's our last line of defense. 12-year-old boys with rifles. Beavers. I think beavers are one degree lower. That's right. Scouts and beavers.

Is it after scouts? No. It's completely separate. It's the first stage of military indoctrination. Yeah, it's like... But only for flight? Well, no, I want... No, there's sea and land and...

Is there land? There's air cadets and... Sea cadets. Sea cadets, army cadets, air cadets. I wanted to be... Before I wanted to be a comic, I wanted to be a pilot. So I went to cadets because you get flea... You get free flight school.

No, you get flea fright school. You get flea school. You get flea flight school. You get flea school. You get flea flight school. You get fleas in cadets. You get a red hot chili peppers flea comes and scares you. I couldn't do the math, and that was it for cadets. And I hated being forced to respect people that I despised. Right.

It's really something you have to do a lot of when you're in the Army. Yeah, and you have to polish your boots that's the one thing i was blown away by was i was with people that was like 10 and they were polishing boots i didn't even own boots i i am so good at polishing boots now like if they were oh my god the guy's name is sergeant melon chuck how do you not call him melon fuck how do you not how do you not you have to yeah you have to yeah that's from the American pie it's like a warm melon went to McCord Air Force Base and I got to sit in a like in the cockpit of a b1 bomber it was kind of neat being an air cadet did you ever actually

get to the point where you flew yes I flew a co-pilot at a Cessna that's pretty cool but I'm all ego-driven now. Who are you talking to about me in Toronto? Oh, I was talking to... People I know or people I don't know. Yeah, we talked to

very funny Miss Marjorie Malpass. I like Marjorie Malpass. And also Mr. John Doerr was asking about you. For those listening, I will be doing the Vancouver Comedy Festival

with John Doerr. Oh, are you on the same show as John Doerr on a Saturday night? An intimate evening of comedy with XM Radio or whatever. That's great. Dave and I, as a plug, Dave and I are on the same show. Fantastic. Doing an intimate. And to bring it all around, I think we're trying to get John Doerr to be our guest on that Saturday.

You should. He's a seriously funny mofo. He is very funny. So he, him and Marjorie and Darcy Michael was out there. Good old Darcy. Lips are flapping.

It's the big news. It's the buzz. Now, why are you moving to Toronto? Let's move it back to this. Is it because you're a big fan of Major League Soccer? That's exactly right and i have no faith in a vancouver team yeah uh yes so you're not down with the white caps i this is the name of the toronto team the toronto prestige um no it's the toronto uh machiavelli

that is not catchy at all the mac the Mac, the Mac for short. Right. The Toronto Mac. Team Mac. Yeah, Team Mac. I don't believe that. Is that true? No. It's the Toronto Derby. I don't know, because Toronto, you know, they called their basketball team the Raptors.

That's true. Which was a bit out there. I think it's a good name for a basketball team. Raptors are fast, and they can jump. Yeah. Just like Machiavelli. Cunning. I don't even, I'm not even sure who Machiavelli cunning i don't even i'm not even

sure who machiavelli was i just know that there's something deceitful about it um yeah so what's uh what's behind what's the what's the deal well i taped my comedy now special oh so you've made it yes i've lots of jp mass said on his special is like you make it to comedy now and uh that's like the society it's canada saying to you it's pretty much over there's nowhere you can't go any higher than this no I just liked it

I didn't think I was going to like it and I just really just fell in love with Toronto immediately like it just reminded me of New York London's a big city

it is a big city I like trolley cars I really like subway system and I've been in Vancouver for 33 fucking years and uh i was born here and yeah i'm sick to death of this city i love it but i just like i know every alleyway i know every i know every bar every restaurant and it's also you always kind of like

it you should move out of the town in which you were born absolutely you don't want to die where you're born yeah i mean unless you die in dav looking at you. Unless you're a baby who dies the second you're born, you really shouldn't die. In that case, you do want to die where you're born. Yeah, well, you didn't have much choice. Unless you were flying over the international date line. Yeah, good point. And then it occurred to me when I was contemplating

people who die the second they're born. Yeah, because then where in time and space are you? They become ghosts. That's where ghosts come from. They go to the Bermuda Triangle and fuck shit up. What happened to the Bermuda Triangle? That doesn't seem to be on anyone's lips these days. Katrina kicked its ass.

It doesn't seem to be on anyone's lips these days. Disappearing there these days. No one's scared of the Bermuda Triangle anymore. They should send terrorists to the Bermuda Triangle. I think the Bermuda Triangle went away with the Berlin Wall. I think the Pineapple Express took over for it. I heard they privatized it. I heard that AOL Time Warner bought the Bermuda Triangle.

It used to be the place where you could just go hang out. Now you need a membership, but it's kind of bullshit. It used to be so cool, then it burnt down and they put up a fucking yuppie... Then the gays took over. Now it's an application on Facebook. Send one of the people that you hate to the Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, whatever

happened to the Bermuda Triangle? That's an interesting conundrum. Yeah. Ironic that it disappeared. Toronto's fun, though. I just think it's a fun city. It is a fun city. You know what's hilarious? Everyone in Vancouver seems to hate Toronto

for some reason. And then you get there and Toronto doesn't give a shit about Vancouver. Well, we figured it out. Do you remember a guy named Nathan used to come down to the show?

Big guy with blonde hair. Looks kind of like a Norse god. Yeah, actually. That rings a big hammer yeah big hammer yeah he would usually float down from the clouds like 12 flying goats yeah yeah that's it yeah yeah nathan we were talking about it and and he was saying that very thing and what we were talking about is like is it possible that we're the assholes and i said indeed it is and i think it may be because everybody i've met from toronto has never had a one bad thing to say about vancouver ever except that we always

slag them off yeah and even at that usually they don't bring that up in polite conversation no i i honestly believe that well the thing about bugs me about vancouver is personally i think it's one of the more boring cities in in canada if not the most boring city of all the ones i've been to that includes regina uh well to make up for it right it's like okay you have archaic drinking laws on main street you have a law against dancing in east vancouver uh anytime that's that anytime there's something cool, blah, blah, blah, you know. And they go, yeah, but man, the ocean and the mountains. We didn't build the mountains or the ocean, right? We stole them.

We just chose a good place to build a city. No, you're right. And that's the thing is, too, is that I think that's a big substitute for a lot of the shortcomings. We do have a lot of natural beauty here. But there's a lot of natural beauty in a lot of places in canada and they don't cling to it as vancouver really really really wants to be a world-class city and i think it's fine that it's not uh and you know i would enjoy it if it just embraced that it wasn't yeah and like you know like you don't go to like a cool nerd well yeah like if you go

to san diego it's not like san diego like home of the world's best this like it's just you know, like you don't go to... Like a cool nerd. Well, yeah, like if you go to San Diego, it's not like San Diego, like, home of the world's best this. Oh, my God. Sorry. Speaking, this is totally unrelated, but I took the bus from Toronto to Montreal, and there was this dude on the bus. Because you had that overheard thing, right? Yeah, it's coming up.

Oh, okay, okay, never mind. Never mind. Just erase that bit. Because, oh. Save it. Save it. Let's take a break. Overheard. We're break. Overheard.

We're back. Overheard. Let's crack open a big wide hot pot of overheard. Dylan, you were saying that you were on a bus between Montreal and Toronto and you overheard something. I got all excited about it ten minutes ago. And maybe now it's ruined. I hyped it so much. I don't now it's ruined. Maybe it's garbage. No, no, no.

I hyped it so much. I don't think you did. I think it's going to be good. A hype man. Okay, overheard. A couple of overheards. Actually, the first overheard I have is from when I worked at the Keg when I was like 21 years old.

And I was bussing tables and I heard this table and it was these two guys sitting there and the one guy goes no no no no no the thing is it's pronounced gigabyte but everyone says gigabyte never say gigabyte and then the other guy goes no you got it backwards it's pronounced gigabyte but everyone says gigabyte don't say gigabyte and i've been wanting to tell that on radio for like god 12 years and then there was a girl who came over and was like i love both of you i don't know how to choose well it was back to the future where they said gigawatts 1.21 gigawatts yes was the amount yeah but when you're but when you're talking about time travel

is different right units yeah it's pronounced differently yeah in in in 1955 yes yeah so and in terms of time. In 1955. Yes. Yeah. And then I was outside the Caprice a few weeks ago, and all of the people on Granville Street can contest to this, and there was, I'd call her a young cougar. You know what I mean? Like a woman who... Meow. Yeah. She wasn't a cougar, but she was almost there.

She was definitely dressing the part. Did she have the whiskers? And she had a cell phone. Like Wilford Brimley. Anyway, she was on a cell phone, just hollering at this guy on the other end of the phone. She's like, For the last time, I love you.

I did not fuck your brother. Like, so loud. And everyone was just, after a while, everyone was just stopping and looking at her and laughing as she was, like, hollering. Why? And the story came out that, like, she was, it was the guy that... How did the story come out? Extra Extra is the early edition. She was the mistress of some dude.

Uh-huh. Sam Sullivan. Yeah, that's right. I'm just throwing a guess vancouver mayor sam sullivan vancouver's in a wheelchair which makes it extra funny does it um doesn't make it less funny or does it yeah but but like it was one of those things where you're overhearing like just the most detailed like i knew everything about and then went into the caprice and apparently she'd been out there for like a half an hour before i even showed up and it's like oh yeah

well no she's actually the mistress and we're all having this conversation we knew everything about this woman based on her standing on the corner with a cell phone hollering at her lover um insisting she didn't that seems like uh montel jordan moripovich kind of uh It seems like Montel Jordan, Maury Povich kind of... Isn't it Montel Williams? Montel Jordan is this, how it is, how it do it. 6'8", he's... That guy was a lawyer. Sorry.

That guy took out... Montel Williams. Yes. And Maury Povich kind of things. But I was just realizing as you were telling the story, there have been Canadian talk shows. Your Deanie Pettys, your Camilla Flergensens. John O'Vision?

John O'Vision. I think John O'Vision was great. John O'Vision, I think, is single-handedly responsible for regenerating interest in Degrassi. You're damn straight because he had that two-part special. Yeah, which was huge.

And everybody I knew watched that where they did the reunion on the show. And then shortly thereafter, they came out with Degrassi and the Next Generation, which is even bigger than the original Degrassi. Which I have a hard time believing. It's a pretty good show. How did you start watching it? Have there ever been Canadian talk shows that were that kind of tabloid style?

Tabloid style? Well, just trashy people. Yeah, Bruno Gerussi. You just said a random Canadian celebrity. No, I'm only saying that because Bruno Gerussi had a cooking show for a while. Dennis Simpson from Polka Dot Door had a cooking show for a while. As did James Barber. I heard some stories about that guy.

He drank. No, he perved oh nice money's mushrooms make molesting marvelous like that's the joke right he's dead i shouldn't say this yeah okay and also i know a number of emily carr art school grads who have been like are in no way this is honestly talk to anybody who went to emily carr the years of, say, 93, 97. All the young women have stories of being at the market and having James Barber come up and total perv on them. These are some real inside references. People in America and, say, Denmark.

Okay, a pervert is somebody who enjoys sex more than other people. Well done. A young woman is a woman who's young. But the thing in Vancouver... Emily Carr is an overrated artist. The thing in Vancouver, I think you'll agree with this, just in general before we move. I already agree. Is that in general, the women here are a bit more victimized or in their mind victimized than... Well, because...

If we're doing our jobs correctly, yeah. I just heard a lot of women talk about oh this guy was hitting on me and but you know that happens everywhere like that's how people meet is a guy will hit on you and then you can decline that's fine that's the end of the transaction but then to go on complaining about it like he was a potential rapist i'm like nah he may have been an ugly guy and that he was trying to buy you a drink and you didn't want to drink from him yeah so that's the end of that story but they're like oh this guy's being all gross i bet you he wasn't i bet he was like hey can i get you a drink and she was like oh you're gross yeah yeah but that happens a lot i think in vancouver more so than i mean just look

at the whole guy earl thing and i hate to even mention the guy's name because his name's been mentioned an absurd amount on this podcast never mind then good we won't mention it um dave you've got it overheard don't you yeah sakatume you wrote it down on a piece of opa yeah uh last weekend my lady friend abby who's also her own person we took our Grandpa, who's his own dog, down to... Sam writes he's his own dog. I don't think he is. He is. I think legally if he bites somebody, you go to jail. But if my girlfriend

bites somebody, I'm a free man. You figure it out, am I right? Am I right? Free man with a bitey girlfriend. Anyway, we took our dog down. There was some kind of West End dog dog days i forget what it was called uh but you you take your dog down to this uh park in the west end and there were booths set up by a bunch of companies that had dog products that you get free samples of and

that's what we went for and we got some dog popcorn and which uh is basically human popcorn yeah and now every time we make popcorn he's gonna think it's for him it's it's made by dogs he didn't seem to dig it either when you were trying to he liked it when it was hot and fresh but uh it's a day old now yeah but uh one woman into it one woman at one booth we overheard uh saying this while she was handing out dog food she said this is the dog food ellen dead degenerates recommends sold i uh i screwed that up but it was ellen degenerates recommends do you want to try it again this is the dog food Ellen DeGeneres recommends. Good one.

That's the first time you said that. That's the first time you said that, Graeme. That was amazing. It's like it's the first time. Ellen DeGernos. No, it's Ellen Delivery. Do you have another one? Or is that you had an addendum?

I just thought we would like to talk about that for six, seven minutes. Where? It has been a trend. Dog popcorn? There's people starving in the world. Well, the dog popcorn was different. Not American dogs. The dog popcorn was different.

Oh. The dog food was the Ellen DeGeneres recommendation. Oh, right. So were there, like, different flavors? But going back to the dog popcorn. Yes, there were different flavors. There were different flavors of dog popcorn, like mint. What do dogs eat, anyway?

They eat mint, mostly. Well, no, because I remember, like, milk bones always had... I remember in high school, we used to take acid, and we'd run out of food, and I remember, like, eating milk bones just out of curiosity. I've eaten milk bones, and they're pretty nasty. The white ones aren't bad, but, like, there's... The green ones are particularly nasty. Yeah, they're fucking gross. There's the black charcoal ones, too.

Really? They clean your teeth? Is that the deal? Those are hardcore. So you fell far from the cadets to acid. Yeah, long hair. You just wanted to fly. Yeah, man.

If you did a mini montage of Dylan's life, it would be him in the cadets and then him one day uh tripping over you know and then like realizing drugs and then that that right and like just purple but wait but you would have a lamp you can't afford hand drinks you got to go with in samson pebbleman's color of time is that strawberry alarm clock that is this that that's when you had your trips on Fleet Street. That's my favorite bad hippie band name, is the Strawberry Alarm Clock. It's so not psychedelic. Who did Crimson

and Clover? That was Donovan, wasn't it? Oh, sure. Donovan? And you forgot the part where I was raised in a fundamentalist fucking family, then into the military, and then onto drugs. And you forgot the part where I was raised in a fundamentalist fucking Mennonite family. Then into the military, and then onto drugs. Yeah, and then you come out of the military, disenfranchised, and then you meet like a hobo type.

Where's our parade, you said? Just like born on the 4th of July. Yeah, and then all of a sudden... Except I can walk. Or all along the Watchtower. No, that's when you're really tripping out, you're throwing up in the toilet. Yeah, yeah. At the Chelsea Hotel. And then I see God and I become Christian again.

And then you have that moment in the movie where you're walking through a party and you're like, hey Sid and Nancy. Hey totally. Where you just reference everybody. Oh my god, Lou Reed. I've had such a hard day. Is Eddie wearing a wig?

Warhol? and Val Kilmer plays every person I reference he plays mama Cass he plays here's the guy got shot by his dad. Slug down mama Cass. There's enough ham sandwiches for everyone. I want to be at that party. That always drives me nuts in movies. In Titanic, it was the all-time winking at the camera moment. It's, I don't like this new Van Gogh painting guy. Or like, hey, isn't that Molly Brown? She's unsinkable. It's like that whole movie. Lizzie Borden.

Oh, my God. Graham, did you have an overheard? I did. No, let's do more of this. Let's say history stuff. Oh my god. Graham, did you have an overheard? I did. No, let's do more of this. Let's say history stuff. This should be a new thing on your show, is history stuff. You just want out.

Okay, this overheard. I heard yesterday at the airport, but I wrote it down exactly how it was, and I forget exactly how it was. Why were you at the airport? Oh yeah, you were flying back from Toronto. And there was a guy who had taken a side you know sometimes there's guys that have like an idea and they're gonna share it with the lowliest employee in the place doesn't matter like it's just the guy scrubbing you know it's fucking cleaning toilets he's like do you know what you gotta do to improve this establishment that's what this guy was doing in the middle of the kind of like in between uh at the toilets and one of the kind of restaurants in the airport and he'd stopped this woman who i

think was cleaning the bathroom and he was giving her a lecture on and this is all i heard of the lecture i actually went back to try and hear but she had walked away because i'm not sure he understood english but he was saying to her he was like well this is an international airport so you should have international bathrooms what like a food day and everything well no he was saying and you know how you do that little hooks little hooks so we can hang our jackets up when we go to the bathroom and then people can steal our jackets but it wasn't like she was there with a drill and she was like, what should I hang up? Ah, nothing today. And he's like, wait a second! So that was

the one I heard yesterday, but I heard one. That's the bathroom. Nothing else about the airport. But he insisted that if you're going to have an international airport, you should have an international bathroom. In India, they have a hole in the ground that you just squat over and shit into.

You should have one stall that represents In India, they have a hole in the ground that you just squat over and shit into. You should have one stall that represents every country. One has a stall, one has a bidet. International House of Toilets. There you go. IHOT. That's a great idea. And the other one was, I was walking, what do you call the financial district in London? Oh, like, well, the...

It's not Fleet Street.ets they call the city basically yeah but like where all the the tower of london yeah that's it that's right that's right no the city they call the city so i was walking and there's everybody's on cell phones or blackberries or whatever and there was this one guy was beet red in the face and he was obviously in the middle of something and the only part of the conversation that I caught was uh-huh uh-huh yeah well you're kind of fired laughter

laughter I don't know I think kind of made it part of it. I kind of fucked your wife. I think you're kind of kind of aggressive sometimes. Yeah or you're kind of you're kind of fired. Yeah. No, no. It's probably something like, I think you're kind of aggressive sometimes. Yeah, or you're kind of fired. Yeah, that's it. I think you're kind of overreacting.

That's great. Well, you're kind of fired. That's brilliant. Yeah. I have one more, though, the bus thing. Oh, I've heard great things about it. So I'm on the Greyhound from, yes, the Greyhound. Insert your beheading joke here.

Oh, no. I will not. Every time I mention greyhound to anybody in toronto or montreal that they tell did you get your head chopped off no obviously i didn't anyways here vancouver guys go hating on toronto so i'm uh i'm on the bus and it's one of these things where like we stop in ottawa and then all these young people get on oh god and they smell like patchouli. Yeah.

And one has a guitar. And this guy's like two seats behind me, and he's cornered this poor woman, and I think he's trying to impress her or whatever. And he goes, I totally fucking forgot what he said. The buildup was so much. No, it was the most. He goes, guess what the second most stolen item from hotel rooms is yeah no it's the

AAA batteries from the remote controls like he's impressing this chick with the second most his knowledge of the second most stolen but he couldn't what's the first he never said the first it's gotta be and then later on he was like well when it comes to Chinatowns

you really have to go with san francisco that's the best china town oh oh yes like wow i just want to turn around and go tell me more well that's like such a fascinating individual that's my brother was telling me about when he was in he went and traveled in china and he would stay in hostels and he would come across these like career travelers and so he China, and he would stay in hostels, and he would come across these career travelers. And so he would say to them, oh, we went to Beijing. We were there for two days in Beijing. And then this career traveler would be like, I was in Beijing for two weeks, and I barely got around two blocks.

You just can't. And I was just like, you just got to get a job. You got to accept that your life is not... Dishwashing and then saving up and buying a plane ticket and then sleeping on the street in China. Sounds like it makes a good story, but somebody has to want to listen. Here, I want to read this thing. We got a thing from a listener. Sure.

And we haven't done this yet. We've got a lot of emails from our listeners. We've got a lot of emails from people. But this is just... And hello to everyone. Yeah. Well, this is a shout-out to Laurel McKay or Mackie. Probably Mackie. Laurel Mackie, who is living in London.

Can you spell it for me? It's Laurel Mackie. Okay. She's living in England right now. She's originally from Edmonton. And we were talking a couple like a while ago about Bill Nye Science Guy you know Bill Nye Science Guy

oh that was maybe episode 1 no it's just because I work at the science center it goes way back yeah Bill Nye Science Bride was the thing we were talking about episode 1 or 2 possibly but she said that she was an elementary school teacher in Alberta and they she showed a lot of Bill Nye videos to the kids and she said that she was in an elementary school teacher in alberta and they she showed a

lot of bill nye videos to the kids and uh she said the first time when the boys sang alternative lyrics to the theme song they sang out bill die the science gay which is classic clever kids uh kids do say the science gay and then when the chorus chants Bill, Bill, Bill, I heard them sing Kill, Kill, Kill, which is, that's a little dramatic. Is it because Bill Nye's Jewish? Is he? I think it was because he was a science gay.

Oh. You know, the science straight community will not accept science gay. Bill Nye, science gay. I love kids. I'd love it if the scientific community was homophobic. That would be awesome. If some guy was like,

We are the most reasonable people. But that ain't right. Bill Nye, the science gay. That's fantastic. Thank you for that. Thank you very much. And we love getting emails like that. We've got a ton of them backlogged, but this will be first in a series of many.

She also said something about Slurpees. That's right. We were talking about Slurpees in the heat of the summer, and she said, because over there you can't get a Slurpee. But she said the closest 7-Eleven to her is in Copenhagen. And the last time I was there, they only had blue or red flavors. Hold on a second. This is England? This is England, yeah.

There's one on Shaftbury Avenue. Are you listening, Laurel? There's a 7-Eleven on Shaftbury Avenue. I can't remember the cross street, but it's right behind the Trocadero. Just across the street there. I know this being... They have actual 7-Eleven or actual Slurpees? Now, I didn't remember the cross street, but it's right behind the Trocadero, just across the street there. I know this being – They have actual – like a 7-Eleven or actual Slurpees? Now, I didn't go in because, you know, being North American, I avoided anything North American when I was in England.

I imagine they have Slurpees. I wonder. There's a Starbucks. It's worth checking out, Laurel. There's a Starbucks in the Trocadero. It's across the street. The 7-Elevens in Bangkok do not have Slurpees. Wow.

But they have cockfights, which is crazy. That's true. That's right. Do you want to move on? Yeah, let's do a... Nothing. We have our Ottawa correspondent, Brad McNeil, called in. Oh, God.

He's the most sporadic correspondent in the history of his correspondence. We crave his correspondence. We do. Let's hear what Brad McNeil had to say about whatever he had to say it about. Hey, B We do. Let's hear what Brad McNeil had to say about whatever he had to say it about. Hey, Bumbers. John Awok correspondent, Brad McNeil. Excited that the show is back on the air.

Congratulations on a successful summer, and congratulations on being mentioned on Jordan Jesse Go. I heard that reference, and it was as though my child had won a medal. I was thrilled to hear you guys were on there. So, in thanks to all the Jordan Jockey Go listeners, what I have done is compiled the top 10 Stop Podcasting Yourself episodes

in no particular order. You don't have to start from the beginning. Listen to these 10, and then when you're done with those, you can listen to the other 15. They're good too, but here's a great place to start. Okay, in no particular order, I would go episode number 14, A.J. McKenzie. It's a lot of silly laughter, a lot of ridiculousness. Number 17,

Olivia Mowat. Fantastic episode. A very serious but enjoyable young woman. Also lovely when you meet her. Quite enjoy her. Episode 16, Alicia Tobin. Episode 25, Kyle Bottom.

Episode 13, Darcy Michael. I don't know why I've listened to that episode a bunch of times. Episode 22, Seth Perry, which features the best overheard. Episode 11, Sean Proudlove. Episode 12, Jason Bryden, which also features the song of the year, in my opinion. Episode 6, person in her own right, Abbey Campbell. And number one, in no particular order, is episode 20, Connor Haller. So check out all those episodes.

As I mentioned, top song of the year right now is Road to Rock Band. If you guys can make that a ringtone, I will have it every time you call. There's a disagreement about that, though. My wife Maria feels that Top Song is Celebrity Crush Hat, but we're both agreed that Hockey Night in Canada should feature a reference to Batman. Hope everything's well. Graham, I stand by my original statement. This show is the greatest thing you have ever done and may ever do.

But stand by that. It's a great show. Hope you guys have a great summer. I will talk to you soon. Ottawa Correspondent Brad McNeil, out. Wow. Yeah, Ottawa Correspondent Brad McNeil. It's really nice that he called in again.

So 25 episodes when he called in. Yeah. He had actually done 26. So it's basically 15 people who have done this show who just now they feel like losers. I'm surprised because there's a couple episodes in there. Certainly, I thought the Charlie Demers episode was one of our tops. And Phil Hanley's I would also put up there.

Phil Hanley's was a lot of fun. I think they're all fun. And Jane Stanton's got to feel terrible right now. She's in Mexico right now soaking up the rays. Thank you, Brad McNeil, for that. Speaking of Road to Rock Band... It's been a while. Abby and I were...

Do you know the theme song to Hannah Montana? Yes, you do. It's the best of both worlds. Why don't you go fuck yourself? That seems to fit. It does, yeah. Anyway. both worlds why don't you go fuck yourself that seems to fit it does yeah anyway all right let's uh let's knock off a round of celebrity crush hat before we uh put the big fucking canister on top of this and seal it hermetically seal it for the next hundred years celebrity crush hat

crushing the hats celebrity crush hats crush hats. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity crush hats. Chapeau chinois. Celebrity crush hats. Celebrity crush hats. You're picking a number of a woman you had, or man, you had a crush on. Six. At age six. Are you comfortable doing age six crushes? Yeah, I can tell you exactly who I had a crush on at age six.

Pam Dauber. Pam Dauber. Mindy. From Morgan Mindy. Really? Yeah. Wow, what about her? She was my firstber. Pam Dauber. Mindy. From Mork & Mindy. Really? Yeah. Wow, what about her? She was my first crush. It's because she was a woman. And I felt like I was supposed to have a crush on women. Televised women.

Because that's what happened. And I used to watch the beginning of Mork & Mindy. Yeah, I just remember just being like, not really understanding what attractive was, but thinking she was pretty. Right. So I had a crush on her. She wore tight sweaters, if I recall correctly. Yeah, she did wear a lot of tight sweaters.

And, you know, she was Robin Williams' flunky or whatever. Like, she never really did much on the show. Yeah, she was really dumb on the show. That was the thing. Like, it would always be perpetually shocked that Robin Williams wouldn't get things, him being from another planet. Right? So she would be like, it's an an egg timer and he puts it on his head and he's like i will time your your eggs or something like fucking weird whatever improv shit that he does and then uh this show writes itself i used to always wonder how they got up into that in the beginning there in the the football the big thing that they kick the ball through. I don't know what it's called. The end zone.

The end zone, yeah. And they'd be up on the big pole thing. The uprights. And I could never figure out how the fuck they got up there. Ladders? Yeah, but you don't see any ladders. Alien power? The idea is that they're up there. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I had a crush on Pam Dauber. I just realized

I made a hilarious mistake by saying she was on Coach. Oh, because that was Dauber. Because they had a character named Dauber. I just realized I made a hilarious mistake by saying she was on Coach. Oh, because that was Dauber. Because they had a character named Dauber. That's right. Who was also really dumb. Yeah. Well, maybe that was a shout out.

You just can't have a dumb character and a fish out of water. Apparently you can, because that was an incredibly popular show. Yeah, but Mindy wasn't supposed to be dumb, but she just was dumb. I can never figure out why he married her at the end of the series. They married? Yeah, they got married at the end. Oh, see, I never saw the series to its completion. It was a weird fucking show.

And it shrank and shrank and shrank and shrank and shrank and fell to the particles and landed in Wonderland in that one cliffhanger. Jesus Christ. It was so weird. It was just such a strange show. I wish the television would go back to that time where when you started when the show ran out of gas you started you wouldn't cancel it you would just start doing crazier and crazier things to it because that's how morgan mindy happened was

happy days was running out of juice so they were like what if we do an episode where there's an alien that the fawns fights which is what happens in the episode and i think in the end it's an afterthought they're like that was all a dream or whatever but like the whole episode is the fawns using his cool to fight an intergalactic entity coke addict from another dimension he came here for coke which strangely is actually the plot to the film i come in peace but we can talk about this another time is that the same it's an intergalactic drug dealer who puts the drugs into people and then sucks out the blood and that's an even stronger drug that's oh really

it's a that's the uh was christopher lee is that i come in peace dolph lundgren oh wow i thought and no one else. And the big line is, I come in peace. He kills you when he says, I come in peace. And he says, I come in peace. Well, you're going home in pieces. Well, that was Dolph Lundgren. That second part. Yeah, he would never say the first part.

Because he never comes in peace. No. But he will send you home in pieces. I feel like this whole episode has just been all a dream. It's all just a dream that's how we'll write our way out of this one uh so so do i only do the hat thing or do you guys do the yeah we've done we've done all the ages that are kind of the the entire span so we just get the guest oh and then we kind of discuss that's it just the Just the one? Pam Dauber. Big brown eyes. What's she doing now, I wonder?

Whatever happened to... Infomercials, I think. Oh, really? Yeah. What's your favorite infomercial going right now? My favorite infomercial going right now is Midnight Special. Oh, yeah, but actually that's a good commercial. It's this huge long thing. They play it on

Friday and Saturday nights. I suppose in the Pacific Northwest, because it's not a Canadian station. And it's for an old show that used to be on in the 70s called Midnight Special. And it was a guy named Bert Sugarman. Yeah. And Bert Sugarman produced this show that was like music and like comedy. It was all this crazy stuff. It was pre-Saturday Night Live.

So they had all these amazing fucking acts ike and tina and like uh the doors and like the who and then fucking and steve martin and yeah like richard prior it's just like this crazy mishmash and it's called midnight specials bert sugarman's midnight special and it goes on for like two hours and you just sit there if you're drunk which is usually like that's the time it comes on. It's like 2 in the morning. You've come back from the bar and put Sugarman's Midnight Special. It's actually a good infomercial.

If that show was on, it would probably be the most popular show on Friday night now if they just played reruns of that show. That's weird. I watched that very infomercial with J.P. Mass in a hotel room in Toronto. I've watched it with so many people. My favorite is always Celebrity Roasts. Oh, yeah, yeah. But they don't show those infomercials anymore, do they? I don't know.

I'm not a fan of roasts. I don't understand what's funny about them. No, I just like the infomercials. Oh, okay. I like it because that girl with the purse comes out and hits everybody. You know what I'm talking about? Dean Martin. My least favorite actual commercials right now, I have two.

One is Ashley Simpson for Zellers. Oh, God. Is Ashley Simpson on the request line? And then she poses in a bunch of different outfits. You know you have hit rock, rock bottom. Value Village, I think. It's creepy for cheapy. It it's one degree less than zealous valley village only because valley village only uh advertises once a year and that's halloween next month

come on i can't wait village can't wait and my other one is the so you think you can dance canada one because it's got the uh it just got this guy who's got makeup oh it's got it's got the... It's just got this guy who's got makeup across his eyes. Oh, it's got the Clockwork Orange dancers. Yeah, and with the Pussycat Doll song. I forget what it is. Hi-ya! No, is that the one? I don't know, but I remember the dancer does this kind of Arsenio Hall dance. Here's the thing.

He does the arm rotation around his head. Arsenio Hall, not an actual dancer. Oh, well. Arsenio? No. No, I would not call him a dancer. I remember the... Not first.

It would be in the list of achievements. What does Arsenio Hall have to do, except for the whoop whoop? That's the only connection? That was the connection. I always say that the worst years for North American culture were the Arsenio Hall years. Anybody who appeared on that show. What about the Magic Johnson talk show years?

Years? He had a talk show? Yeah, it was called The Magic Hour. It was in the Chevy Chase Pet Show. I remember the Chevy Chase Show, and that was pretty lame. The Magic Hour was shortly thereafter that. So rethink your position on the Arsenio Hollywood. I have the one thing, and I do do this in my act about infomercials,

but the eggstractor. Oh, the eggstractor, that's right. Me and Carter Horty in Princeton, and we see this infomercial for the eggstractor, which removes the shells from hard-boiled eggs. Oh, there's got to be a better way exactly right and you actually see someone like trying to like oh make a big mess of it like oh oh it's everywhere you need the extractor and that was where and i know it's my act it's kind of hacked to mention the show but all right

it was actually did use the term they did use the term the extractor uses 100% real science. That was... It's like, no gays. I remember, speaking of the Arsenio Hall era, speaking of the Arsenio Hall era, I think we were.

Yes. There was a... When the Vancouver Canadiens baseball team... They used to be a triple-A baseball team. Now they're down to a single-A baseball team. But they used to be the farm team of the Oakland Athletics. And they had a player named Orsino Hill. And every time he went to bat, everyone went...

And you know he didn't ask for that. No. And everyone thinks that it's very flattering, but he probably fucking hates it. Right. Wow. I'm sure. Orsino Hill?

Yeah. I don't think he ever made it in the majors. When they announce him, they go, Orsino Hill! The whole... It's like a weird period in the whole... His whole posse. ...continence history where we just all lost our minds.

Yeah. But for a while. And then Bill Clinton played on that show. Remember? That's how he got the big push. Who... What show will Obama play on? Whatever instrument the calliope...

Does he play the calliope? I remember the... The theremin, uh i remember the uh the theremin i think there would be here's a little song by craftwork you may remember arsenio hall used to always say everyone let's say hello to my posse and it would be all the people who had really good seats these here are people who found out they have herpes today or something. And then he would also touch the finger of his band leader. They would touch fingers like E.T. Yeah. And my sister used to always think that that was the

that that guy's name was Mike Posse. Everyone, let's say hello to Mike Posse. Mike Posse, everybody. That would be an awesome name if you were in a posse. Yeah. My name is Mike Posse. This is my posse. He always said posse. When you think about what a posse yeah my name is mike posse this is my posse when you think about what a posse was you didn't posses usually chase down black people and hang them like what's that

not just black people mexicans well bandidos or whatever yeah bandidos or bandidos i think posse i think i think lynch mob racist lynch mob in the south oh not me i think i think uh sparkling unicorns yeah i think a group of people that got randomly selected to sit in the Arsenio Hall crowd. Do you remember when Andrew Day's Clay was on and he cried? He ought to

these days. That's right, Andrew Day's Clay. I'm calling you out. I hope he's here next week. He wept because he was misunderstood oh lordy he's like I busted my ass

for 15 years and now everyone would say bad things about me he's all crying and shit really? is that I would like to go

to New York to the Museum of Film and Television just to see that clip yeah because is that that really? he really cried

and you can check out Ron Vaudrey on Arsenio Hall too remember that? Ron Vaudrey was Arsenio Hall, too. Remember that? Ron Vaudrey was on the Arsenio Hall. No, I don't remember that. I wasn't a comic at that time. Whatever museum you're talking about seems to have every clip of Arsenio Hall.

No, it does. That's the thing with this museum is it has every possible archived television show ever. That's what the museum does. That's amazing. So you can go. Cliff Nestorhoff is a huge fan of this place, and the couple times he's been in New York, you go and you just,

they have these booths. You can enter in a specific era or whatever of a show, and it'll show like Johnny Carson, 1960 whatever, and you can watch that particular episode, and there's these booths. And you could spend, that's the the thing you can spend months there you could spend the rest of your life there and that's all you would do with your life but think of all the tv you'd miss think of all

the mr belvedere yeah exactly then you'd be you'd have to leave it in your will that your kids would have to watch all the tv you missed. All your contemporary TV. Exactly. You guys must watch that one about the guy, McDreamy, whatever that's called, Grey's Anatomy, and the spinoff with the girl with the red hair. Redhead's Anatomy. Are we

solid? Oh, we are so solid. We're the so solid crew. Thank you so much for coming out. You are most welcome. It was phenomenal. We wish you So Solid crew. Thank you so much for coming out. You are most welcome. It was phenomenal. We wish you all the best. That was fun. I know that I won't make that guy's next top ten.

You don't know that. You don't know that. And he said there was no particular order, but there was a particular order. There was an implied order. I definitely saw no particular order. We will miss you much. Oh, M-O-I miss you much. Dave?

Oh, isn't that sweet? We'll see you. You'll be-I miss you much. Dave, you'll be back in a few months. I'll definitely be back. Bottom line, I'd rather live there and visit here than the opposite. So I'll be seeing you guys all the time. Hopefully. So you'll come back. Yeah, for sure. Dave, where should people write to us if they want to write to us like our friend

Lauren McKay? Let's say her name was Leslie McLaughlin. Larvin. Lanny McNaughton. Yeah. They should write to us at stoppodcastingyourselfatgmail.com. And where should they check out our blog? They should check out our recap blog, stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com.

And thank you so much for listening. Thank you. We will be back here very quickly, within the week, I'd say. It's been a pleasure again, Dylan. Dave, take care of yourself. And everybody out there, stop podcasting yourself. Thank you.