Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 271 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: May 27, 2013

Nicole Passmore returns to talk house parties, Taco Bell, and crows.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 271 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's sipping on a bourbon and lemonade, Mr. Dave Shumka. I'm a grown-up. I can do what I want. Absolutely. It's summertime. It's a refreshing Bev.

Yeah, it's a perfect summertime Bev. Oh yeah, absolutely. Imagine if we were on patios wearing espadrilles. Uh-huh. Think of who'd beat us up. Oh, espadrilles don't work on men. They, yeah, they're kind of like, what are they, like a rope? A rope shoe? Yeah, they're like a van made out of a rope.

They're a rope-based shoe. They float, I'm sure. Oh, absolutely. Great for survival. Like, not survival of the fittest. But like if you're, uh, I think,

um, in Boy Scouts, they teach you like a hundred different ways to wear them. How to take a fire in an espadrille for parts, put them back together as shoes when you get back out into society. Uh, our guest today, returning guest,

very funny, uh, comedian, improviser, member of the, uh, sketch duo, Virginia Jack or improv duo. Improv duo. And will probably be at the Ganza in Edmonton this year.

I'm going to Duo Fest and the Seattle Improv Festival. Duo Fest is in Philadelphia. Yeah. Yeah. City of duo-ly love. Miss Nicole Passmore is our guest. Hello. Thanks for coming back.

Thanks for having me. Let's get to know us, you guys. Whoa. Get to know us. Duo Fest. What is it? Are we talking the greats, Martin and Lewis? Rowan and Martin?

Yeah. Martin. Lewis and Clark. Yeah, yeahin yeah martin lewis and clark lois and clark oh i'd go to that festival all the famous like even not even festival dean kane and john kane wait john john mccain is anyone even named John Kane? Yeah. And also they're not a duo. Dean Kane and Terry, what's her face? Yeah. Terry Crowley. Yeah.

Terry Hatcher. They were Lois and Clark. Lois and Clark. The Adventures of Superman. I've seen all of it. Speaking of which, if you watch the new trailer for Man of Steel and then you watch a clip from Lois and Clark, that show

was pretty ridiculous. Even his costume was pretty off the mark. The cape kind of comes down to Pac-11. He's in good shape. He's not in super shape. He's great. He's one of the best. He's one of my top Superman. Dean Cain?

Rank and order. Okay. Who, okay. There's George Reeves. He was the original. Yeah. Christopher Reeves. Christopher Reeves.

Don't help him. Dean Cain. Yeah. Brandon Routh. Yeah. This new guy, Tom Bergeron. TV's Tom Bergeron. So number one Superman, Tom Bergeron.

Yeah, absolutely. Followed by Dean Cain. He went to Princeton. Yeah, that's true. He was Brooke Shields' first lover. Really? Yeah. I thought she was deflowered on screen in the Blue Lagoon.

Isn't that the big deal with the Blue Lagooners? That she lost her virginity? On screen? Yeah, on screen. Yeah, that's the big we weren't rolling tape can you go again i think that's what the big controversy she was really young and she gets naked in it oh yeah and then she that is actual it's not real penetrative sex gram, because the director was like, you just won't do.

I think she has real penetrative sex in that Lazy Boy commercial. She loses her virginity in that one again. So Duo Fest, tell us. Tell us about it. Duo Fest is a festival for improv duos in Philadelphia. And there's going to be people from all over North America. Are you excited? I'm excited.

When is it? In Ballpark. It's June 5th to 9th. Okay. Have you ever been to Philadelphia? No, never. Have you? No. Yeah, it seems Have you ever been to Philadelphia? No, never. Have you? No.

Yeah, it seems like a place you wouldn't go. What do they got, the bell? They have a Liberty Bell, and that's where Rambo, no, not Rambo. Rocky. Rocky. I don't know any movie that stars a man. Yeah, that's where Rocky was filmed, and it's also the murder capital of america currently philadelphia yeah also uh well in the same way that winnipeg is the murder capital of canada

come on though right i've never been there mostly bear murder um now philadelphia is also where uh fresh prince is from yeah what part of ph very true. What part of Philadelphia specifically? Could have been West Philadelphia. I know he was raised in West Philadelphia. Born and. Born and raised? Okay, we have confirmation. Are you going to do, like, are you there long enough to do, like, touristy things?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm there for all five days. Philly cheesesteak. I've heard across the board disappointing sandwich really gross well i don't even eat meat but yeah so like you that's off yeah philadelphia cream cheese i don't think is actually made there spread a little love um what else is there to do see a baseball you gotta run up the steps oh you gotta run up i don't have to do anything. My body, my choice. Okay, yeah. That's true.

That is true. Everyone has told me to run up those steps. You've got to. But the reality of it is that I'm not a large person, but I am a very unhealthy person. Sure. And I will get probably eight steps up. Do you think anyone has ever gone and like installed one of those things where you sit

old person stairway things? Oh, I wish. That would be great. And it just plays that down. Getting stronger. Gonna lift now. Going slow now. So you're not gonna do the stairs?

That seems like you go all that way I'll do it but I'll be all red and sweaty god forbid my stomach will hurt I'll just have to sit on the top and everyone else will stare at me like I'm broken yeah everybody else will go down the slide

from Rambo 2. Rocky 2. The Rambo first blood slide. It's a slip and slide that sprays blood on you. These are the steps from Rocky and this is the slide from Rambo.

Now... Gotta slide now! so you said you're going to duo fest and then there was another thing i'm gonna go to the seattle improv festival that's less fun yeah yeah well i've been to seattle before yeah exactly yeah there's no there's no famous fictional box you're gonna run up the steps from singles yeah run up the apartment building from fraser yeah run up the steps from singles yeah run up the apartment building from fraser yeah run up the steps from war games honestly if i could go to like where they shot fraser i probably would they shot fraser yeah daphne did it classic the butler i'm tired i can't do a daphne no you can that was great just practicing my swinton what's't do a Daphne voice. No, you can. That was great. I'm just practicing my Swinton. What was her last name?

Daphne Moon. Daphne Moon. Oh, good. Yeah, Daphne Moon. I think that the entirety of Frasier was filmed in Los Angeles. What? Yeah. And then there was an episode, though, where they went out.

It was like Frasier Day. Frasier. Frasier. Frasier. Frasier. Crane. Force measure. Frasier. fraser day sure uh phrase fraser fraser um force measure fraser he there was fraser crane day and in seattle yeah and so him and niles like get lost in all the sights oh yeah they had a fish thrown at them yeah that's right wait there why was there frane Day? Because he's famous in Seattle.

But in the universe. He's not that famous to have his own day. Of the character? Yeah. There was no Bulldog Day. No, but yeah. Well, there might have been. I mean, they didn't.

That was his own show. It was a spinoff. Oh, man. I wish there had been a spinoff of Frasier with just Bulldog. It wasn't his thing that he would go like, honk. And he had like a horn, right? After he played a prank. He was a sports guy?

Yeah. He was a lowbrow guy, chauvinist sports guy in real life. Gay. Yeah. Gay actor. That's how good of an actor. You just had your mind blown. Yeah.

I almost made a blowing joke. Then what? And then where? And then I curl up in a ball In the corner of the room And stare Woefully at Dave Until he acknowledges That I'm a human being again

I won't acknowledge you That you're a human being Until you run up those steps. I'm going to run up the steps. From the Rambo Museum. I will run up the steps. From the Stop Where My Mom Will Shoot Museum. So now I know in the past

when you've been on the show we've talked about how big of a fan you are of Star Trek. Yes. And it just so happens that there's a new Star Trek movie out. Yes. And you've seen it. Yes.

And did you love it? I really liked it. I can see why people like I've heard that like some fanboy nerds didn't. And that like regular people people I'm doing air quotes right now oh yeah yeah the normies liked it

but I liked it a lot I so normies liked it apparently because like they like the action of it but I thought like I feel like

it actually plays out like an original series episode in that there's this like lesson about friendship wait a minute is that what Star Trek was about? A lot of them are about that.

Especially the movies. Because Kirk is always trying to get Spock to say he loves him. But he doesn't feel emotions, doesn't he? No, he does feel emotions because he's half human, half Vulcan. He feels half emotions. He possesses the ability to pretend that they don't exist. Like a typical man, right? Like a typical man.

Pretending he doesn't love you. Right? No matter how many times you call him and call him and call him, and he still pretends that he's going back to his wife. But you know that he doesn't. Stop spocking me, Joe. You're being a real spock. Now, like, I don't remember.

I thought that all the Star Trek was, like, about, like, big moral, like, I didn't think that it was just about friendship. Like, that's why i think family matters the resolution of every episode was well i mean like the character dynamic right you know between between like bones and spock oracle is the bones between bones and spock and kirk and all the original val johnson is he's the spock he's the spock he's the old crank yeah and kirk is urkel kirk kirk kirk you know i've probably seen uh i guarantee you that was a sketch like pitched at mad tv yeah i've probably seen i don't know a hundred entire episodes of family matters and zero full episodes of any star trek really yeah it's something you're like automatically into or you're not,

right? It's not a casual, like, Oh, Star Trek's on. I watched it for 20 episodes. Yeah. I don't think you're in the middle ever.

Like you'll never like flick and be like, Hmm. If you own a TV. Yeah. Right. Nobody, nobody does anymore. Um,

most people do. Right. Nope. Do you own one? Yeah. I own one, Dave. Oh, like four. Yeah, 100%.

My roommate owns one. Is it in the roommate's room? No. That would be so horny. Yeah, I'm going to watch some TV now. Bye. Like when there's a breaking news story? Like she just yells it through the door?

She doesn't even let you come in. Oh my God, you guys, look at that. I mean, don't look at it. Yeah, don't look. Don't come in here. Oh man, I've never had a roommate that had a TV in their room, but I imagine that would change a lot of the flow of the house. The only time I've ever had it was when my roommate was my wife.

Which definitely changes the flow. In a good way. Have you ever had that? Roommate with television in their room? No. Have you ever, did you ever, as a kid, did you ever know any other kids that had TVs in their room? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they were. Yeah, absolutely room? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Great kids. Yeah, yeah. Kids who have gone on to do great things. Like have big TVs in their rooms. Probably stereos, too. It really inspired a hunger in them to achieve bigger TVs in their room. Have you ever gone over to a house party at somebody's place that's a studio,

and you end up sitting on their bed at some point because they don't have enough furniture yes have you ever had that probably that's not comfortable right that's very intimate to be sitting on some uh somebody's bed like i feel like it must be weird for like if i were to host a party and i walked in and there were a bunch of people sitting on my bed i'd be like no yeah you're like why did i host this party i don't like you guys i don't i don't want you on and I walked in and there were a bunch of people sitting on my bed. I'd be like, hmm. No. Yeah, you're like, why did I host this party? I don't like you guys. I don't want you on my bed.

I don't understand what possesses anyone to host a party. Oh, my roommates are like, well, I guess I'm having a party because I also live with them. I saw the invite. They were like, let's have a party. And I was like, hmm. The face you just made. It's like, I don't know.

It's like Garfield not being amused by something. What would you say? The eyes she just did there. Yeah, it was Garfield eyes. It's sort of like if you, whoever suggests you have a party, you suddenly become the parent of a child who wants a puppy. Okay, we can have a party if you promise to clean up after. Because last time. Make it safe for the puppy.

Put food out for the puppy. So the puppy doesn't drink too much and throw up. Keep the puppy out of my room. Now, have you ever thrown a party? Yeah. And what's the end result been? Well, we, so these same roommates and I had a party, like a housewarming party when we first moved in a year and a half ago. That's like the worst idea ever to have a housewarming party.

Yeah. And one of the roommates thinks that a party should go from like 4 p.m. to 4 a.m. So that's actually when she tells people to come over. Show up for dinner. It helps because then like some people can come different times and like people with kids can come hang out early. But it also is the worst. Yeah, some people will hang out that whole 12 hours.

Because people are there for half the day. 12 hours? No one stayed the 12 hours. Some people stayed like 10 hours last somebody curled up and had a nap when your bed comes out i wasn't feeling well at our party this housewarming party i was like oh my throat kind of hurts at the beginning of the party and it's like whatever i'll ride it out this like four hours and i'm like hmm this is this is getting serious. By about six hours in, I

was downstairs curled up on my bed crying because it was so cold and I was so sick. But then I still felt obligated to like crawl upstairs and then like put out more tortilla chips and salsa. And then at one

point, there were like a hundred people there and everyone was dancing and I was walking through like the only way I can describe it is like a grumpy cat face. Like just walking through the party like, excuse me. And then someone was in front of my

cupboard where I was in the kitchen. I was like, excuse me, excuse me. And I couldn't really speak because my throat was hurting so much. And I kept trying to be like, excuse me. Excuse me. And I couldn't really speak because my throat was hurting so much. And I kept trying to be like, excuse me, pardon me. That's my cupboard. And then finally I had to like,

then they kept giving me dirty looks. And then finally I mustered up all the strength that I could. And I was like, I live here! And then the record. Everybody breathes. Everyone looks over. And I got like a second wind for about an hour.

I guess at like two and there were only like ten people left. And I came upstairs and was like, let's dance! And like went crazy. Yeah, you were having like a fever. Like you were at the peak of your fever. Fever dancing. I had to go to the doctor the next day. Let's speak in tongues.

I'm sweating through this shirt, you guys. Oh, God. I went to the doctor the next day, and he told me I had strep and tonsillitis and another unnamed throat infection. Oh, yeah. And you've eaten too many tortilla chips. And you've had too many chips. Were you hanging out by your cupboard last night?

That's my cupboard, you guys. Yeah, I've recently, my roommates had a party at the, like a couple months ago that I wasn't at. You didn't go? No. It was, I always had a full day. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go to my house and socialize. Yeah.

You slept on a bus bench. Yeah, I just hung out in the park. Nature's party. But yeah, the next morning, it's just like, it's that smell, that after party smell of like, just booze. Yeah, the little bit of beer in the bottom of the bottle. Yeah,ze. Yeah, the little bit of beer in the bottom of the bottle. Yeah, and there's, like— Little bit of beer in the bottom of the bottle. That's pretty fun.

Little bit of beer in the bottom of the bottle. That's how you should say it if you're a real actor. Yeah. Sorry, I was doing it as more of, like, a kid song. There's a little bit of beer in the bottom of the bottle. There's a little bit of beer in the bottle of the bottle. Also, there's cigarettes out on your front step. Yes.

Oh, what a life, everybody. How is it that there's still people smoking, right? What year is this? Currently, 2013. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're in, like, what the 80s would consider the far future. Yeah. The distant future. We. The distant future. We are still smoking cigarettes.

Yeah, in future movies, do people smoke cigarettes? Or do they just eat vapor? They always have some new drug that they're injecting. Oh, yeah. What was the one in Dread? It like slowed everything down.

I don't know. I haven't seen no Dread. Ask your roommate. I thought, yeah. My roommate one in Dread that slowed everything down? I don't know. I haven't seen no Dread. Isn't that? Ask your roommate. I thought, yeah. My roommate who loves Dread. Our party was Dread. You mean the new Judge Dread?

Dread? Yeah, yeah. There's like a drug in the future that makes everything go slow. Oh, okay. So then. What's the one in Limitless? Wait, that's the present. Yeah.

In the fifth element, he smokes cigarettes that are all filter. And there's a tiny little bit of cigarette at the top. Oh. That was kind of a fun joke. Commentary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

There's something in Looper. They like put in their eyes. Oh, yeah. They put like eye drops, exactly. There's something in Looper. They like put in their eyes. Oh, yeah. They put like eye drops, drugs, visine. In the future. They're just healthy. They have clear eyes. Yeah.

Clear minds, clear eyes, clear futures. Can't lose. Yeah. I don't. Anyways. Can't believe people are still smoking. But house parties is like... Oh, man.

When is your house party? Is everybody invited? June 1st. Everybody in the podcast sphere? If this comes out before June 1st, yes. What's the occasion of the party? I thought you were going to say, what's the address? Yeah, what is the address?

518-E... That's all you get. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, that is pretty good. There's only like 70 to choose get. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, that is pretty good. There's only like 70 to choose from. Yeah, that's true. Oh, no! That's true, because you could just drive all the streets.

Yeah, you could find this party in half an hour. Well, I always wanted a stalker. Yeah, you're going from four to four? What would you do... You've always wanted a stalker. Would you kind of secretly lead the stalker on like you'd leave the window open a little bit so that he could see or she yeah oh hey yeah absolutely yeah we're not going to be heteronormative about our stalker fantasies um yeah probably no i that's

that's a lie i just thought about it and like i get scared when there are raccoons outside of my window yeah they're gonna watch you change yeah they you see them they're constantly like elbowing each other she's gonna do something funny um yeah undress uh yeah well how bored would your stalkers be? Mine would be like, Dave, come on. You woke up this early to just go on the internet? Your stalkers, like, they're up at the crack of, we just gotta get up when Dave gets up. Like they go home exhausted every night yeah my boss is working me who do you work for uh my stocking victim um i feel like there's a convention in movies not good movies mind you but where a stalker uh then becomes the main love interest the uh you, there was one with Mel Gibson and...

Payback. Yeah, yeah. Face Off. Ransom. Well, these are all... Well, except Face Off is not a Mel Gibson movie. No, there's Taken. Well, yeah, that's true.

Patriot. Now you're back on it. The man with half a face. It was him and Julia Roberts. He was like a conspiracy theorist. Oh, yeah. He was a stalker. He stalked her and watched her.

That pelican brief. That one was... Is it actually? No, it's not. Oh, I forget what that one was. It was like conspiracy theory. It might have just been called conspiracy theory. Because there was a Will Smith one that was sort of about...

Oh, that one's called conspiracy theory. Oh, okay. That's the one with the chip. The microchip. Sure. He just wanted to buy his wife some lingerie. It's true. The tagline of the movie.

The Mel Gibson one, it's not... Have you seen that Mel Gibson one? It's not romantic at all. No, but she falls for him in it. Spoiler alert. Yeah, it's like a Stockholm Syndrome. No. Stalker home.

Stalker home, there you go. But wasn't there one with Christian Slater where he follows a woman home and then one night she gets attacked and then he like... Fear? Is that the one where he has an animal heart? Yes. Maybe it's called Animal Heart. No, it's something... Oh, God, I actually know which movie you're talking about

yeah monkey heart he has like a he has an animal heart in the movie it's called animal heart it is is it wild at heart no I think it's monkey heart it's not monkey heart Dave

I think it's baboon's ass he had a baboon's ass surgically attached to his uh oh that's gonna bother do you want me to look this up it was marissa tomei marissa tomei is in it and and he's in it and then they split well that's a lottery winnings right it could happen to you yeah and then a white man can't jump guys i think i already said i know nothing about movies no you've you've been throwing out the patriot it's not it's not like cheated hearts or or like cheat a heart that's what it is it's something heart are we sure it's a heart well no no but it's definitely untamed might be untamed heart untamed heart i

think it's Wild at Heart. No. That's my... Why not? It used to be my older sister's favorite movie. Can you give me the era? Yeah, 90s. Yeah, the early 90s.

Because this is so frustrating for the listener. No, I like it. I think we're killing time effectively. Yeah, and he stalks her every night, and then she gets attacked by Casey Jones and a Ninja Turtle. And he has to fend them off in the park. And then it doesn't take her any time at all to be like, you're great. It is called Untamed Heart.

Untamed Heart. Untamed Heart, okay. With Rosie Perez. Wait, did I guess that? Someone did. Yeah, I mean, I think it was you. You kept saying Wild at Heart. Don't give me that. I said Cheetah Heart. Okay. With Rosie Perez. Wait, did I guess that? Someone did. Yeah. I mean, I think it was you. You kept saying Wild at Heart. Yeah.

Don't give me that. I said Cheetah Heart. Oh, Rosie Perez, not Marissa Tomei. No, no, no. And Rosie Perez. Oh, okay. Featuring Rosie Perez, the hilarious best friend. And Susan Wild.

There's also... Untamed. There's also Buffalo 66, where it takes her all of like a minute to agree to get in a car with Vincent Gallo. Oh, yeah. But, you know, he was a very popular wine producer. Yeah. He's one of our favorite anti-Semitics. Yeah.

As if you could turn down a ride from Vincent Gallo. I wouldn't. See? Well, just put yourself in the... I could turn down a movie from him. Yeah, he totally is he totally yeah there was something we talked about on the podcast he tried to sell his sperm but wouldn't that's right oh he would only sell a caveat it's still up there for a million dollars he would uh allow uh jewish people to buy it because uh then the child might have a an upper hand in Hollywood. Oh, wow.

Also, you can buy Charles Manson's art on his website that has been given to Vincent Gallagher. And you can buy Charles Bronson's sperm art. So, Philadelphia. House party on June 1st. 52 East something. No, 518 East something. I want a stalker to save my night. Come in, party's over, guys.

Just me and Nicole are going to hang out here. Ooh, record scratch. Well, I do like a dominant man. Everybody get away from Nicole's cupboard. She lives here. How's your throat, honey? Oh God, we also have a back door that doesn't close unless it's locked. Well, I'm sure it's locked all the time then.

Well, it is except at this party because people go outside to smoke. Oh yeah absolutely This is going to be a real I feel a cold coming on I'm feeling sick Oh no My strap is back Oh lordy

Well Dave what's going on with you Well Speaking of Seattle Where you are headed I went to Seattle this past weekend. Nice. Saw the family, and that was great.

I didn't know your family lived there. My brother lives there with his wife and children. He has a very popular radio show there where he listens to it. Bulldogs. He's the Frasier Crane of... Of Seattle. Seattle. Pretty good analogy.

You're going to an improv fest? They're going to kill you both. And the cops will have to find me at 518 East something. So, yeah, I went to Seattle. And that was great. The most interesting stuff, though, happened on the drive home. Oh, yeah. Past Chuckanut Drive.

Yeah. At the Nooksack River. I stopped at one point. I wanted to buy some shorts at the outlet mall. Okay. At the Tulal the outlet mall. Okay. At the Tulalip outlet mall. Uh-huh. I was going to get some shorts from the Nike store.

Sure. I didn't, though. But I went to a couple of other stores. And this hasn't happened to me in a really long time. But I went to the polo store, the Ralph Lauren store outlet there, and like five to ten seconds after I walk into the store, a guy is standing by

some shirts and he looks at me and he says, hey, what's the difference between a large and an extra large? And I had to say, I don't work here. Oh, wow. I was mistaken for an employee. Now, what were you wearing at the time? I was wearing a little polo hat, polo shirt.

A shirt that said, ask me about polo. Yeah, jawed purse. No, I was wearing jeans and a shirt like the one I'm wearing now. So you just look like a regular guy. A button-up Oxford shirt. I hate that. It is. And I didn't know if I was the one. Not your now. So you just look like a regular guy. A button-up Oxford shirt. I hate that. It is. And I didn't know if I was the one... Not your outfit.

Yeah, that's what I thought. The situation. I didn't know if I was supposed to be embarrassed after that or if he was supposed to be embarrassed, but I was. Well, yeah, what are you supposed to... What's the... He laughed it off.

Ha ha ha. But seriously, what's the difference? And then I was like, okay, I can't go into that corner where he is at all. I don't... I don't... And also, here's what the difference is. One's bigger.

Yeah, yeah. What's the difference? I should have made him feel like an idiot. Yeah, one's going to fit you and one isn't. Yeah. Leave me alone, loser. You're an extra large. Let me just...

Yeah, P. You're an extra large. Then I overheard him talking to a real employee later. They were trying to figure out the neck size. I don't know the neck size of things. You know, fat, skinny, pencil. Yeah, pencil neck. Turkey. This is from our turkey neck collection.

There's nothing that can suck your extra skin into it. Yeah, there's the guy saying, well, might I be a redneck? And the guy's like, well, you might be redneck. Here's a list. Yeah. Have you had that happen? You said that you hate that. Where has this happened to you?

So many places. Like where? I guess the crazy thing is that I'm not nice. You're plenty nice. But yeah, I don't give off nice either. Well, yeah. I don't particularly think that I'm all that. Like I'm, yeah. What are you?

Angry at the world i hate everyone really wow no i don't that's it that's a lie but i don't think that i look that inviting and yet people will still come up to me and be like hi like you work here or they won't even ask they'll just assume but i get it a lot at restaurants where i'll like like uh wear an apron like comedy shows you'll go and like, wear an apron, like comedy shows. You'll go and like talk to somebody else that you know. Yeah. And somebody like, excuse me, I'm waiting to order.

Well, you do do that character, the shitty hostess. What do you say, though? Do you just, I don't work. I don't work here. That is awkward because it's never, surprisingly, never happened to me. I don't hang out at a lot of, I don't know, drum shops. Record shops. I think it was that I was giving off enough misery that I looked like I worked at an outlet mall polo store.

I didn't think at an outlet mall. But everyone's miserable at an outlet yeah and you're probably the only guy who wasn't wearing board shorts and flip-flops yeah he must have thought you looked stylish yeah come like i mean outlet malls are not known for their like good looking no i mean no and that's why i was there but you know like are you a model do you mean a mannequin come to life yeah I was there. But, you know, like... Are you a model? Do you mean a mannequin come to life? Yeah.

Yeah. Is that the first time that's ever happened to you? No, it used to happen to me a lot when I worked a job where I wore a tie. Okay. If I then ever went into like a department store, people thought I worked at... Yeah, department store is tough. Especially in Vancouver, nobody wears ties anywhere. No.

So like if you see somebody in a tie, you automatically think... And it was a job where I didn't wear a jacket either. Like I just wore a tie. Yeah, and you were always carrying around a jug of water. Yeah.

To keep refreshed. Yeah. Had lemon slices in it. At the department store. Yeah. Hey keep refreshed. Yeah. Had lemon slices in it. At the department store. Yeah. Hey, could you freshen up my underwear? I'm going to try these on. I want to know what they look like covered in fresh water.

So that was the first weird thing that happened to me on the drive home. The second thing was that I stopped. This wasn't a weird thing that happened to me. It was just something you need to know about. I stopped at a Taco Bell. Oh, Yokiro. And I think they have them here, but I went to one in America and had the

Doritos taco. Oh, yeah. Do go on. Yeah. Well, they have two options. They have a nacho cheese, which does not belong to you. Yay. Three cheers for dads.

Come on. Happy Father's Day, everybody. Yeah. And they have a cool ranch. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did you try both? Or just one?

No, I just had the one. Okay. I had the cool ranch. Or just one? No, I just had the one. I had the Cool Ranch. And the unfortunate thing about it is you get a taco that's made out of Doritos skin. The skin of a wild Dorito.

It's made out of whatever Doritos are made out of. Which is, it's like, this is a no-brainer. I'm surprised it hasn't happened 20 years ago. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But, you know, like, it's one of those things like the Avengers. Like, a lot of people had to agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of contracts had to be signed. A lot of licensing.

Yeah. And here's what you get. You get a nacho. I mean, a taco. Yeah. And it's just, like, it doesn't taste that different. You get a little Doritos essence. You get a little Cool Ranch essence.

But you end up with it all over your fingers, which is, like, the great thing about Doritos is that you can lick your fingers afterwards and stick them right back in the bag. Yeah. Like a lick-a-stick. The only problem is I had been driving for, like, two hours. And then I went into a Taco Bell and touched the door handles and stuff. Oh, gross. So I didn't want to lick my fingers afterwards. So it was kind of wasted on me.

So you asked somebody outside, sir, would you? Do you work here? Would you lick my fingers for me, please? work here would you lick my fingers well have you ever been like in a in a restaurant and used the bathroom and gone to wash your hands and uh the soap is so fragrant that your hands stink and you can't like if you're eating a hamburger then the burger now tastes of you yeah have you ever been like where this is uh this is just a bar of soap have you ever been to a restaurant where it's like, you're like, ah, what am I? What am I, in grandma's house? Yeah, exactly.

What restaurant? This is double jeopardy. I don't know, like some mom and pop piece of shit place, you know? Have you never had that? I guess. Philadelphia is going to open. It's going to blow your mind. It's going to have just bars of soap at the restaurant.

You're going to see some crazy shit. The hand towels are just going to be a roll of paper towels. Oh, what about those hand towels? Those are out, right? Nobody uses those. I have been to places that still have those. Because you know what happens, right? It gets to the end of the roll and then everybody's like,

I just dry my hands on the same disgusting piece of cloth as the guy before me. Guys are gross that way. Do girls do that? Probably. I think girls are secretly more gross than guys they're i know from working as a janitor years ago that their bathrooms are much worse much worse men's are exactly the level you think they'd be at maybe that's it maybe it's just my own yeah i think there's there's some perception that girls are really clean. I think girls are probably dirtier, but men do a lot more audible sighing.

Yeah. At the urinal. Also, every stall door in every bar that I've ever been to has been kicked in at some point and has been visibly repaired, new hinges. But that doesn't happen ever with girls. That doesn't happen in a girls' bathroom. Mariah Carey videos only. Right?

Wasn't there one where she fought herself? There is, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. In a bathroom. Heartbreaker. You got the best of me. Yeah. But I just keep coming back incessantly.

Is that you? Did you have to run your game on me? I should have known right from the start You'd go and break my heart Give me your love, give me your love I was doing the bass. Baritone. Was it Jay-Z who did a spot on that? No. Uh, Jerry O'Connell. There is somebody who raps in it.

Mace. It's not Mace. It might be Mace. I feel like it was Jay-Z, like a young Jay-Z. I don't know. I'm not convinced that I'm wrong on this. Oh, it was Christian Slade. Untamed heart.

Yeah, baboon ass. So yeah, that was... He has an animal heart in that movie. But was that Jermaine to the plot? Yeah, why was he a stalker as well? I don't know. Oh, because the heart came from a monkey that ate a lot of skeletons. Wait.

What does that mean? I meant celery. And they come in stalks. Yeah, absolutely. But a monkey that eats a lot of skeletons is really scary. But he has a monkey skeleton in that. He had a monkey skeleton transplant.

The good news is the transplant is taken. The bad news is it's from a monkey that eats skeletons. That was fun. Yeah, absolutely. Fantastic. So that was the trip. I'm just going to quickly look up Heartbreaker. Question about the Doritos taco. When I've seen pictures of them, they have like a cardboard.

Yeah. So doesn't that avoid your hands getting all Dorito? No, that's just the holder. Did you just pull it out? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's just like the carrying case. Did I say this on the podcast?

I know I said it to you. Featuring Jay-Z. Yeah! What? I'm floored by that fact. Yeah, absolutely. Because, yeah, I feel like I could remember a line from it. It's not coming up.

Best rapper alive. I concede. You have to. It's a fact now. I don't have to do anything. Yeah, you'recede. You have to. It's a fact now. I don't have to do anything. Yeah, you're right. You simply must. Yeah.

The Doritos, like, technically, they don't have to have that Dorito dust on them. They left that. They figured out a way to make it taste exactly the same without the dust, but it's part of the experience of eating a Dorito, so that's why they've left it. People love it. Yeah. i yeah i do love it it's fun i almost brought over some cool ranch chips today um if you're curious i'm more of a corn nuts guy same experience yeah same finger grossness but uh in a corn nut um If you're looking for a housewarming gift. A slingshot and some corn nuts. Are you heavily hinting that I should buy bags of corn nuts for you?

I'm not heavily hinting anything. I'm going to now. Yeah. I'll show you. I am indignantly going to buy several bags of corn nuts. Cool. I prefer the barbecue flavor. Graham, you are special thank you

what's up with you i was attacked by a crow um yeah season absolutely i was walking home from i was what were you wearing were you asking for it yeah i was dressed like the crow from the movie the crow so i was asking for one to at least land on my shoulder and be my spirit guide. I was out on a series of errands, so I'd gone to pick up... I had a bunch of different things in my hands when this happened. Don't you hate it when you have embarrassing errands that you can't admit to? Oh, I'm going to admit. And here they come.

Well, only one of them's kind of embarrassing. I had bought some stuff from the bakery so that's what i had that attracted the crow okay um and i was like eating like i bought a thing of rolls so i was eating a roll i was walking home cutting through the alley that was my first mistake that's where they that's where they hang out and uh one flew very close to my head. That's a warning. Yeah, and I was like, I don't want the rest of this roll, so I just threw it on the ground,

and the crow went for it. But then his buddy saw that and came at me pretty aggressively and flew at me and got its leg caught in my hoodie pocket. What? Yeah, it was really crazy. And I was like, because I didn't know what... What did it say? I was like, hey, hey, hey.

I was just going to say, hey. crazy and i was like because i didn't know what what did it say i was like uh hey hey hey i uh but i also i went to the bakery bought rolls and i also went to the dollar store and bought a toilet brush oh so i had the toilet brush with me so that's what yeah i ended up hitting the crow with the toilet brush and uh there's three guys in a truck that watched me the whole time you made their day yeah absolutely because i was swinging pretty wildly with this toilet brush and then i was like hiding the the rolls like i was hiding them under my arm and trying to put them under my uh jacket oh boy guys so scary so so scary yeah a scarecrow is just a shirt stuffed with hay and it doesn't even move how's that supposed to work when crows are fully attacking uh ambulatory grown men like yourself yeah well absolutely and uh and armed with a toilet brush yeah they uh but yeah man if i think

it would have been just like if it had just been between me and the crow, that would have been fine. But there was three guys sitting in a truck. There's like a drug place across the alley from where I live. What? Like a drugstore? No, like a dispensary. Oh, a marijuana store. And there's, because I guess it's against the law, you can sell a...

You can buy seeds, but you can't plant them. Well, you can. You can swallow them. Some weird rule. Well, you can sell the pot, I guess, if you have a prescription, but they can't smoke it in there because you can't smoke anything inside. So everybody smokes in the back alley across from where I live. And so these three dudes were like getting high. And then it was like, oh, my God, what a fun show.

This guy fighting off a crow with his toilet brush. They were listening to Dark Side of the Moon and it synced up perfectly. Yeah. So, you know, I thought I was I thought it was friend of crow when I threw that piece of bread down. Crow have no friend. Yeah, that's true. I've had four birds fly into my head in my life. Oh, I thought you were going to say in the past week.

No, over my lifetime. So in the face or in the back of the head? Side and top. What kind of birds? Three crows, one seagull. Wow, a seagull. That must have been terrifying. That was the weirdest one, actually, because they're really big.

That's like the size of a baby. Like if a baby just came at your hand, you'd remember. A baby with a beak that looks like it has a little bit of ketchup on it. Did you have ice cream? Did they go in for your food? No, I don't know. So one of the times it was an injured crow, and he was like freaking out. It was me.

I don't want to be injured anymore. Kill me. Kill me. That one was just freaking out. And it might have just been an accident, but it like flew straight into my head. And then two of the times they just were crows that like, well, one, I think it was because I had bobby pins in my hair. Yeah. And they were like trying to pull them out.

Wow. So that one was also a bit scary because it was like I was alone, thankfully, on the side street. Well, that's magpies. Well, and you had diamond bobby pins. I had bun bobby pins. Question. If another bird intervened when that crow was attacking you to save me yeah would you date that yeah yeah because he's the christian slater yeah but only if he has a human heart yeah that's what i was gonna say it's a seagull with christian

slater's heart uh i yeah that time i just had to scream and run and hit the bird yeah and like but did anybody else see or was this just uh the only time people saw one of the crows two two times were in public two i was alone one of the crows and one of the seagulls one was in a department store i asked to be worked there and he freaked out the only only time it's happened to me was when there was like, it was like egg laying season and they were being really territorial. I didn't have anything. They really didn't like grandpa. I've had them swoop at me, but I've never had contact.

Yeah, I've never had contact either. Oh, no, that's not true. Years and years ago, I had one, like, actually break skin on my ear. Whoa. Yeah. That was, but that was a territorial thing. That was not about roles. It was not just about.

Yeah, sure. Gender roles. But I had to walk backwards down the rest of the alley with the toilet brush, like, out. Like, if you could... Were the stone guys laughing so hard? I imagine so. I had my back to them at this point.

Yeah, and their truck cab was just filled with smoke. But they were having the time of their life. I bet they wanted to come help on some level. But they were too busy. They were paralyzed. But they were just, like, Franken paralyzed. But they were just like Frankensteining, like moving like monsters. They couldn't come. There is no such thing as Frankensteining.

Yes, there is. If there is, it's not a side effect of marijuana. It's from Mama's Boy. Okay, so what is... Grandma's Boy? Oh, the Nick Swardson feature? Yeah, it's a terrible movie. But what is... Tell us what. Grandma's Boy? Oh, the Nick Swardson feature? Yeah, it's a terrible movie. But what is Frankenstein?

It's when you're so high that you stop motion move. Now I wish this was a video podcast because Nicole is doing some really great acting. It's like every... Yeah, it's like... So you lift your arms up and kind of like walk around like like your body isn't all connected a wonderland okay so but that's that can't be a real thing frankensteining yeah yeah it sounds like something like this is the new internet craze i never smoke weed, I think maybe in the last five years, I have five times.

Okay, we'll call the cops. Once a year. You're a regular Michael Phelps. No. No, but seriously, you guys. No, I'm not. I'm very unhealthy. Even as we're talking, my chest hurts.

It's because a robin flew into it oh yeah are you gonna collect more birds what if you see a third kind of bird are you gonna try to get them to fly I didn't ask for these birds to fly I know but you were blessed it's like the opposite of bird watching.

You go out and try and make yourself a target for birds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are pigeons like? I got hit by a red booby. Right? That's a type of bird. It better be. Anyways, you guys.

I Frankenstein sometimes. That's all I'm saying. Once every five years. Yeah. No, once a year I Frankenstein sometimes. That's all I'm saying. Once every five years. Yeah. Once a year. Once a year. And it's like you're controlling different muscles. It's like you don't remember how fast you're supposed to move your body.

And you're so self-conscious that you're trying to move like a normal human being. That was Frankenstein's problem. Yeah. So self-conscious. Wait, is everyone looking at me? Are those torches for me, man? Come on, Frank, we're all going

to the beach. Fire bad. Shirt off bad. Frankenstein's concerned about his mismatched nipples. Oh, yeah, that guy totally wore a shirt into the water. Yeah, poor Frankenstein. Frankenstein's monster, don't write in. Oh, God, please don't.

Frankenstein's monster. Also, I don't think Frankenstein himself had a great body. No, that's true. I mean, better than Igor. Yeah, but he was one of those guys that hung around with somebody super ugly

to make himself look better by comparison. Yeah. Like you. Yeah, that's what I do. I hang out with that. Me. The joke was at my expense.

Oh, pretty good. Do we want to move on to overheards? Yeah. All right. Hi, I'm Brian Safi. And I'm not Brian Safi. We host Throwing Shade. It's a podcast that deals with gay issues and ladies issues. And we do it and we do it and we do it, do it well like LL Cool J.

Here's what we do. We look at all those things and we laugh about them because they're serious, but they're also funny. Yeah, and if you're looking for a better explanation of what we do, you're not going to find it. Check out Throwing Shade. Subscribe for free in iTunes or go to MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheards. Now, Overheards is a saying.

Graham, shut up. My favorite thing I need to tell you about Overheards is how we've been doing them every week since we first got our inspiration from the prophet Greg Fitzpatrick. Yeah. Dave, if you would shut up. Okay. Greg Fitzpatrick. Yeah. Dave, if you would shut up.

Okay. It's time for a mighty return of my longstanding favorite segment, Hulk Hogan News. Oh, it's a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News. Now, Graham, shut up, because it's Monday, and that means it's time for headlines. Oh, headlines. Yeah. Oh, headlines. Now, headlines, people send us headlines from the local newspaper all across this great land of America and Canada.

And we read the funniest of headlines. Here's one from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. A woman gets weird hat. Why is that on the front page it's not front page but it is a headline here's another one this one from the Baltimore Orioles Tribune

man drives car murders clown I guess he won't be laughing. Yeah, but it's just a guy named Jerry Clown. Like, it's not even a clown. Here's one from the Sarasota newspaper. A woman claims onions. Claims onions? Claims onions?

Claims onions. Keep her young. That keeps the bad men away. I don't know where they're keeping them. Now, in addition to these headlines, also in these newspapers you see wedding announcements. Oh, my God. And, yeah, a wedding announcement is like when somebody's gonna give me two people have names that are normal names and when they get married when people start getting married things get

crazy absolutely things here's one shit starts popping here's one from the tallahassee newspaper it's the butt explosion wedding seymour butt and uh susan explode here's one here here's one from the salt lake city newspaper it's the butt museum wedding it sounds like a museum of butts. Yeah, absolutely. But it's not. It's just a marriage. Here's one. It's from the Atlanta newspaper. The Oops, I Did It Again wedding.

Jerry Oops. Yeah, and Seymour, I Did It Again. This next one. It's a... Yeah, it's a gay wedding. Gay wedding. Wow, that's very progressive. This next one.

I didn't know it was legal in Sacramento. Is it? I think it was Atlanta. Oh, sorry. My apologies. This one's from Hartford, Connecticut. The Hartford newspaper. Yeah.

This is the Isuzu trooper wedding. The band Trooper is getting married. Yeah, married to a truck. To actually a truck. To actually a truck. And finally, this one is from the Omaha newspaper. Yeah. The ouch, I broke my dick off wedding.

We wish them the best. Yeah, it's a Russian couple. We wish them the best. Yeah, it's a Russian couple. If you have headlines, send them to P.O. Box, Care of. Studio City. Studio City Music Hall, Pasadena, California. 818-8181. Make sure you send it with a self-addressed stamped envelope so we can send you a mug.

Yeah, and remember, no funny, no money. Now this bit of Hulk Hogan news. Have you heard of a singer named Miguel? Yes, Miguel. Billboard charting artist. Yeah, he was on Saturday Night Live a few weeks ago. He sings songs R&B aficionado. I don't know if he's an aficionado.

He's a singer. You don't need to know it. During an awards performance. The billboards. Yeah, on Sunday, he inadvertently leg dropped a fan in the audience. Yeah, did you see this? He tried to jump over a patch of crowd

and landed. He almost did. Yeah. He was one person shy of sticking the leg. And they got thigh in the head and their head snapped back. It was rough stuff. Anyways, Hulk Hogan says, looked good. Oh, the leg drop looked good? He said, you know, it looked like a proper leg drop. So it was just Hulk Hogan

weighing in on the situation. Well, because if it was a jump that he made, it would have been great. No one would have said anything. Yeah, we wouldn't be talking about Miguel. Since he missed it. But if he was trying to get that one single person in the audience,

it was so perfect. It was probably an ex-girlfriend. Or a friend, like a friend that he always hated of an ex-girlfriend. Or a friend, like a friend that he always hated of an ex-girlfriend. It's like, ugh, I can't believe she got in. I'm gonna leg drop her. Susan Explosion. Yeah, exactly. I heard she's getting married. Yeah, to Print Butt. The Butt Explosion wedding.

Now it's really time for Overheards. And Nicole, we always like to start with the guests. So if you would lead the way in overheards that would be wonderful oh geez um well i guess i have two but maybe i'll only say one all right a woman's prerogative yeah a woman always knows uh well one like what this one is it's kind of borrowed it's something that i was around for but i didn't hear but my friend did uh there was some kids playing on a playground and they were making fun of each other um not you know in a bullying way but in a like i'm mad at you so i'm gonna say something mean way but the

insult of choice the go-to insult was, no, you have a pretty butt. Just back and forth, back and forth. You have a pretty butt. Your butt's pretty. All boys. Yeah, well, no boy wants a pretty butt. I don't know. I do.

Better than an ugly butt. Yeah. No, when you're a boy, though, you're like, eh. If you were a boy, you would rather have an ugly butt. Yeah, yeah. You are a boy. Yeah. So you prefer an ugly butt.

I have an ugly butt, absolutely. No, I'm saying when I was a boy. Now you want a pretty butt? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Dave, that's all I want. Summertime. That's why so many men's magazines have, like, seven steps to a prettier butt.

Yeah, exactly. but you know how to drive her wild etc yeah all the things men care about but when you're a child and you're reading you know boys life magazine is that highlights for kids yeah it's like goofus has the pretty butt and gallon has the ugly one yeah when you're reading maxim for kids who are who has the minimum yeah and it's like uh pretty great yeah yeah it's all you know centerfolds of maria from sesame street or it's a centerfold of just a submarine like a motorcycle something a little boy or dinosaur just a dinosaur. Just a dinosaur. Yeah, like a sexy dinosaur.

Like a Tyrannosaurus lying in bed. Yeah, a clever girl. Really, Dave? Really? Really. Dave? Believe that. Do you have an overheard? Sure.

Mine are actually overseen. And they both, they're both from my drive home from Seattle. I saw two remarkable personalized license plates. One was just kind of remarkable. I don't really know what it means, but it was a British Columbia license plate and it said SKY space DRE skydre yeah I mean you know I'll see you when you get here Sky Dre. That's a Tupac song about him being dead. About him being best friends with Dr. Dre. Yeah. Wait, is that song about Tupac being dead?

Yeah. Is it written by dead Tupac? No, it was written because there was a video of him, but he's in heaven. He's in a white tuxedo, and it's all about like reuniting with uh old flames sure all my all my exes live in heaven and that's why i live here on earth um and the other uh the other personalized license plate vanity plate if you will was a washington state plate on like a souped up Fast and Furious car, a Nissan. Ground ray. And it was all done just like with the individual letters meaning entire words.

You be hatin' me. Oh, you'd be correct. You'd be H-8-N-M-E. You'd be hatin' me. Man, this is totally like that would be classic bumper stumpers. yeah well i mean i i figured it out immediately do you remember bumper stumpers bumper stumpers was a game show hosted by al dubois al dubois that's right wow good and uh i think it was canadian it most definitely was canadian but i think they had it in America, but it was the cheap Canadian version. Yeah, and it was exactly that, to show a vanity plate.

But it would also be like you had to answer a question to get a letter in the vanity plate? That was the last round. Oh, okay. Yeah, because I just watched it recently at my parents' house. They had the game show network. They had the Al Dubois network. And it would be like this license plate belongs to a dental hygienist. And it would be like, I earn man.

Yeah, I hate decay. Oh. Ooh. Yeah, that's basically what the whole. You'd be hating decay. Do you think sky drays maybe that's like there's like the scouts

there's like sea scouts oh man I want to be in the sky drays I want to be a sea dray Nicole? Landray? Landray? Laundry? somebody gets Landray and everybody just keeps thinking it's laundry

don't relegate me to the female role oh boy sorry I was taking it really firmly speaking of laundry but you want a stalker a sweater that's very glittery how do you wash a glittery sweater in the trash

really? Dave shut the fuck up are we allowed to swear you are Dave, shut the fuck up. Are we allowed to swear? You are. I like this sweater. I like it too. I was asking how you, literally, I was wondering how you wash it.

And I was implying that it's unwashable, so you have to throw it away at a certain point. It's not unwashable. I just wash it in a regular washing machine. And all my clothes are glittery, so what? It's golden glittery! Yeah, does it turn your other clothes glittery? No! So don't whine at me. I'm whining with you.

I'm whining with you. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. Speaking of glittery sweaters. Thank you. I was having dinner. That's your favorite meal. Oh, I love it. Wait, what's your favorite meal of the day?

Yeah, probably dinner. What's your least favorite? Lunch. Everyone say lunch at the same time. I'm not a big breakfast guy. I don't feel hungry when I wake up. I barely eat breakfast. Love it. Yeah. Oh, I love it. My fan. I'm not a big breakfast guy. I don't feel hungry when I wake up. Barely eat breakfast. Love it.

Yeah. Oh, I love it. My favorite would be midnight dinner though. Is that pizza? Midnight dinner? Or is that when you invite like the wolf man and Dracula over for dinner? Ah, yeah. Um.

Sky Dre. Sky Dre. Uh, so, uh, I was sitting at a table next to a young couple probably a first date second date at most because there was a lot of i like this a lot of but not all the way just like a little bit um but a lot of like i like this oh i also like that a lot lot of interview-style questions. And then one of the things that she said was, the thing is, I'm really funny, but nobody gets my jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, he was no prize either. So he was wearing a sleeveless shirt.

So, right? They're going to be fine. That's your definition? Of no prize? Of being no prize? Maybe he was making a joke nobody got like Nicole's sweater oh Dave

I like the sweater Dave I swear to God Dave if you want to destroy her sweater don't do it with words yeah just hold this thread

yeah she's gonna walk away. I will. I like it. It's a, it reminds me, like I had a pair of gloves when I was a kid

that like, they were super warm for skiing and they were like that, sparkly. It's sparkly gold. It's not lame, but it's sparkly gold

for those reasons. Would you wear lame? I don't know. Come on, Nicole. I have. Well, then why are you pretending? Well, I don't know. Come on, Nicole. I have. Well, then why are you pretending? Well, I don't know if I will again in the future. I know what it looks like, but what is it?

It's like gold spandex. Oh, I don't know what it is. Okay. Is there any gold in it? No. Yeah, but you can sell it to one of those cash for gold places. How much will you give me for this box of gold lame? Gold finger. The character war just spandex gold gold lamé unitard now we also have overheards that have been sent into us

from around the world thank god uh if you want to be one of those people you can send it into to spy at maximum fun.org um this uh first one comes from dan b he was uh working in the south of france oh and i saw a piece of graffiti that i found really funny scrawled in black spray paint on a wall where the word what's the fuck that's some good french fuck i love i wanted i wanted to be i want french uh graffitos to have like how you say you know what's the fuck oh man what is the fuck? What's the fuck? This is one of those times you really have to consider it. What's all the fuck about? Now, we've also got... This comes to us from somebody. I don't know if this is really their name.

Tyler Perry. That can't be their... That can absolutely be their name. You can be named... I guess I could be their name. No. Like, you can be named, like... I guess I could be named Ty Domi. Like, Tyler Domi. If you were born before... When did Tyler Perry become famous?

2005? Yeah, that's true. If you were before that, Tyler Perry could easily be your name and your parents would be none the wiser. And pretty common first name. Yeah. All right. So this is Tyler Perry, you guys.

Come on. and pretty common first name. All right. So this is Tyler Perry, you guys. Come on. Although if you are sending in your name as Tyler Perry for some kind of joke, get real. It's good?

I don't know. It's a good joke. Is it? It's a good joke name. People just don't get my jokes. If you were the manager of a company, and by the way, this is completely anonymous, so this person who wrote this in is Tyler P.

Oh, Tyler P., yes. But if you were the manager of a company and you got a bunch of resumes and one of them was from someone named Tyler Perry, that guy gets an interview. Oh, absolutely. If only to see if Medea shows up. This is a nanny position. Is that what she does? I don't know.

It seems like a Mrs. Doubtfire kind of thing. Like, he shows up as Medea to get the job. To go to jail. To go to jail. To get his kids in jail. Yeah. To do bad all by himself. I was puttering around this morning and had the TV on in the background.

A NutriBullet infomercial came on. While the host was describing the amazing features and benefits of the blender, he says, I don't know if you guys know this or not, most of my parents are medical doctors. That's the thing about doctors. They get around, right? You don't know which doctors you're dead. And that's the thing about parents is you can there's most of them there's not half and half yeah when you have a wedding you're like which uh i guess you could have step parents

sure uh you know parents in law yeah um you know godots um god complexes um and so this is the nutribullet traps you can have parent traps the nutribullet is that that's just the bullet it's like um it's like a blender what's what are those it's like a magic bullet except bigger oh and you make smoothies you make healthy shakes in it i saw the magic bullet is that the one that has everyone sitting around the table in the morning? That's the... I don't know. What is that? There's an infomercial where there's a bunch of... There's like a peanut gallery. There's like an old lady. Oh, yeah. That's the Magic Bowl.

That's the Magic Bowl, yeah. I saw somebody on the bus drinking like, because you can get the container part, and then there's like a screw on a rim that's not like a thing all right like that's do it yeah i saw a lady on the bus with it no you shouldn't have a lidless cup on the bus yeah or a little no it has a lid it has a screw on lid but it's like it's obviously like it's like if somebody walked on the bus with a blender yeah it also

has the blade in it no no you it upside down The blade's on the Oh my lips I'm very disappointed So you can drink out of it They also just have a rim That you can screw on Not a lid but just the rim So your lips just touch this plastic thing

Instead of glass Ew Anyways it shouldn't be on the bus your lips aren't too good for plastic well these lips were made for walking uh this last one comes from dave r from here in vancouver oh local boy makes good uh i was walking along seymour street in vancouver in the two block stretch that is packed with esl schools um two students were having a conversation in arab Arabic when their teacher walked out onto the sidewalk.

One of the students turned to the teacher and in his best English says, hello, Sticky Ricky. The teacher responds with, it's Tricky Ricky, but thanks. But it's not. Hey there, Sticky Ricky. Everything stuck to you? Yeah, exactly. Oh, man, that Sticky Ricky name really stuck.

That's perfect. It's very tricky. That stretch that is full of ESL schools and students is also, it's like 50-50 ESL schools and dollar pizza. Yeah, exactly. And when those two meet, it's a force. Oh, boy. Yeah, it's like Sticky Ricky, though. That's a great nickname.

It's Tricky Dicky. Was that Richard Nixon's nickname? That was Richard Nixon. Yeah, and then there was Bill Clinton was Slick Willie. Gross. Slick Willie. Yeah. Remember?

He was the Teflon Don. George Bush didn't have, George W. didn't have a. W. W. Yeah. Oh, let's go through presidential nicknames. Okay. Old Wooden Tooth.

Yeah. Gerald Ford. Me Fall Down Lots. Yeah. Chevy Chase. Jimmy Carter. Old Peanut Face, Old Peanut Head. Coca-Cola Foot. Ronald Reagan, Rappin' Ronnie.

California Raisins. George Bush Sr., Barvy. One time he barfed. And Slick Willie. Didn't he also fall asleep during a meeting with Chinese dignitaries or something? And barfs. Let's see, sleep barfed. Like a baby.

George Bush Sr. He fell asleep and then he barfed. He barfed in Japan at one point. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Which, in their culture, was considered a sign of respect. Yeah.

I saw Mr. Baseball. No. What? Are you... Really? Does Barack Obama have a nickname? I mean. Baracko.

Yeah. Obama. Hope change. Does he? I guess not. Oh. Osama bin Laden. Yeah, that's a funny one.

Barack Hussein Obamacare. Obamacare. That's a good one. Yeah, I guess Obamacare. Obamacare. Yeah. Yeah, that's a funny one. Barack Hussein Obamacare. Obamacare, that's what it is. Yeah, I guess Obamacare. Obamacare, yeah. Yeah, pretty good. So that's the show. You should have just said TheBomb.com. What's at TheBomb.com?

I wonder. I looked up VOM.com. I looked up Internet.com. It's just a search engine. VOM.com is just like... It's like... Like VOM.com? Yeah, because someone said that something gross was VOM.com.

I like that a lot. So you went and looked. And it's like, you know, Valley of Maryland. It's like a local internet provider. But it's just like if you saw like drapes you didn't like or something, you'd be like, ew, that's VOM.com. Oh man, I love it.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept phone calls. If you want to phone us, do it. 206-339-8328. Those are the digits. You got the digits. Use your fingers, I mean.

Or toes. Hey, Jason Graham. You got the digits. Use your fingers, I mean. More toes. Hey, Dave and Graham. I have an overheard for you. I was at the salad bar at the Whole Foods here in Portland, Oregon, and I overheard this really tall, slender, probably like 20-something man say this. All I want to do when I get home is pour myself a glass of white wine and listen to Macy Gray in my underwear. Oh, yeah.

That's the only way. Tia's instructions, if you buy the actual CD, is on the back page. It says, best enjoyed in the following ways. What do you think is the expiry date on that CD? Best enjoyed before 2003. Yeah. Best enjoyed before you see my appearance in the spider-man

or that did you see her on that weird LA Jamie Foxx produced New Year's Eve special no sounds great yeah you should look it up on YouTube was she

on like MTV Cribs oh yeah she had the on MTV Cribs? She had the greatest MTV Cribs. I seem to recall that. I really enjoyed it. Every room was a different color. Her TV room was this

sofa that was like a semi-circle that could fit 30 people on it. No matter where you were, you were comfortable and you had a great view of the TV. What if you were at a party like that? That'd be a good party. Yeah, a good sofa. Yeah, I don't want to go to a party that doesn't have TV watching.

But then again, I don't want to be watching anything too important. Yeah, like... Someone's talking during the Oscars. Episodes of Degrassi. Exactly. That would be. Come toward. You were saying upstairs off mic, there was a theme to your party that's being held.

Yeah, there's a theme. And it's not Degrassi. And you came up with the theme. No, I did not. This was you. They came up with other fun, like Thomas the Tank Engine. You were like, no. Thomas the Tank Engine.

That would be fun. Dora the Tank Engine. You were like, no. Thomas the Tank Engine! That would be fun. Dora the Explorer! What would be? Like, there's no fun theme. That's wrong. That's incredibly wrong. Key. Key party.

Fun. Halloween party's great. Yeah. We did actually, okay, wait. When we, we did start talking about having a more ridiculous thematic party. Yeah. That would maybe be like a murder mystery mystery but like every room would be themed and how many rooms are there we have lots of rooms in our house actually really um yeah like i i live

downstairs and because i'm who i am they're so afraid to come downstairs most of the time that i have uh one two three four rooms in my own bathroom wow Wow. What? Yeah. Jeez. Where do you... Where do I live? Yeah. 518 East. It's on the site of a former insane asylum. That's why it's so cheap. We were talking about having a party where we'd have like this like 1920s, not 1920s necessarily, but like one room would be like...

Gatsby. The safari room but one room would be the safari room and one would be the opium room. And we'd have themed rooms. And the rhinos in the opium room. Get back in the safari room! One more smoke of opium. Is that what you do with opium? My roommate, who shall go unnamed,

decided on a theme of Mother Gaia's summer solstice party. It's not even on the summer solstice. It's nowhere near it. Yeah, I know, but come on. So what have people got to bring for that? I don't know.

A placenta. Something motherly. Who is Mother Gaia? Just the Earth. The Earth, earth yeah she was a character from captain planet of our cook mother gaia i've heard the expression i believe gaia is also like an ultimate frisbee company i'm not joking gaia.com vom.com uh and i was i was telling graham that uh other unnamed roommate was saying the other day, we should all wear flowy summer dresses. And I flat out vetoed that.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you put on like more clothes to spite them? I'm going to come upstairs in a parka. I'm wearing three pairs of pants, you guys. Burn some fossil fuels. Yeah. You just.

They're like burning. Are they going to have like a burning ceremony or if there's incense i will flat out stop the party what about peppermint i hate incense no just uh peppermint yeah peppermint's cool that's cool all right what about crimson what about clover um parsley sage time uh so okay what culture does this idea of mother gaia come from it feels like it's south american i thought i think it might be like eastern it's not it's not like the eastern like no it's like maine yeah yeah i think it's mother gaia yeah I think it's... Mother Gaia. Yeah. It's sort of a Cider House Rules thing.

L.L. Bean culture. Lobsters and Mother Gaia. Okay. Well, this is going to be a fun party at 518 East... Yeah. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham and silly little guest. This is Josh from Bloomington, Indiana, calling in with an overheard. I saw two kids playing around outside, and I saw the one kid was grabbing the other kid by the hoodie, the hood of his hoodie.

and I didn't hear anything before that, but the one kid who had the other kid's hoodie just goes, hey, you're not so tough without your oxygen, are you? Oh, man, that sounds like something out of the old Eldest Brother playbook. Yeah. Not so tough without your oxygen, eh? Oh, man, that's good. Good taunting. Yeah yeah all you can breathe i am neither

silly oh yeah he called you a silly little guest i'm not that little either you're pretty little you're a little woman yeah yeah is that yeah where does that book take place? You work rooms to yourself? What do you do with them? Well, one room. Does Tim Roth involve? Oh, fun. Okay, okay. So downstairs is basically like an old mother-in-law suite. So there used to be a kitchen. There isn't one there anymore. So it's just like my bedroom.

This used to be your playground. My bedroom. This used to be my childhood dream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yay. There's a room that used to be the place I'd run to whenever I was in need. But now there's my bedroom. Okay.

There's a room that has these weird counters, which I guess used to be... Who's your favorite character in A League of Their Own? Rizzo Ratso. The little. Wasn't there a little one? Punk girl? Like not Rosie. Pink girl?

Not Rosie and not Madonna. Illiterate? Maybe Madonna. Is Madonna my favorite? Yeah. She had the playground. I think Rosie O'Donnell was my favorite. She was great.

Oh, no, no. What am I saying? Gina Davis. Gina Davis. For me, it's John Lovitz. saying uh uh gina davis ah for me it's john lovett's anyway i hang out in my rooms and so but you have like counters in your room different rooms okay so i have my bedroom do you like spend time in all of them yeah kind of i have i have my bedroom and then there's a room that used to be a kitchen whenever but it isn't anymore and that's where i

keep all my books and all my craft supplies um like all my art weird stuff not that i'm any good at art but like i sometimes sometimes we'll make collages and weird drawings why are you putting yourself down here that's not good i'm not i'm i'm good at other things yeah in the bedroom yeah and then i have a bathroom and then i have uh i also have holographic i have two holographic pictures in my bathroom are they both star trek related no ones of cats ones of dogs oh wow my star trek stuff is upstairs i have a picture of me with uh leonard nemois and william shatner two pictures Together? I have two different pictures. So one with me and Shatner. Are the pictures together?

The pictures are together on our mantle. And then I have this living room that I don't really do much in, except sometimes I put all of my clean clothes there. So there'll just be like chairs and tables. You call that room your dresser. It's kind of my dresser. It's a walk-in closet. And then there's a side room that we don't really use for anything.

It feels like you could be paying zero rent and renting out these little rooms to little people. Well, one month we did actually have somebody stay with us for a month in the side room. And how was that? If you didn't like it. I didn't like it. You like having this great, you like, do you have a fainting couch? Do you have something like that? If you had four rooms, would you theme them differently?

Absolutely. It'd be like West Edmonton Mall. I have a gladiator room. I do have a fainting. Arctic surprise. I have a fainting couch. It's four men I've hired to sit in crouch position waiting for me to fall on them. That's got to be expensive.

That's got to be as expensive. You've got to supplement that somehow. Yeah, well, they pay rent. They live in the side room that we don't do much in. Is there another phone? Here's your final one. Let's do this. Hiave graham and uh possible guests this is eden from vancouver and i have an overseen um i was in the u.s in the car with my mom uh

at the corner of east columbia and braid and waiting to cross the street were two teenagers or tweens in matching gray rain jackets. One of them was wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants head that looked to be made out of cardboard and so was homemade. And the other was in one of those horse heads that are so popular right now. And before crossing the street, they both did the robot. That was pretty funny, but actually the funniest part was the way my mom slapped my knee and told me, What are those teens doing? They're scaring me. These wacky teenagers are scaring me. What are those teens doing? Those horse heads that are so popular right now. You've seen those horse heads.

I know exactly what she's talking about. That's the craziest part. I feel like your party is a failure if somebody doesn't show up at the party with one of those horse heads on. I will be delivering a horse from my body because Gaia determines it. That'd be fun. Yeah. Gaia's in charge of what you give birth to. I'm doing a live water birth.

You should do... All the placenta you can eat. All the beer should be in one of those kiddie pools and then you're faking that you're having a water birth the whole time. That would be really great. Yeah, good theme.

And you just pour some jello in there a couple hours before the party. Yeah, good theme. Yeah, good theme. Oh, my God. And, like, you just pour some Jell-O in there, like, a couple hours before the party. Sure, yeah. You get Jell-O and ice. That'll gel up real nice. Buy some weird organ meat. And then just put on some, you know, like, scuba pants so that you don't get cold. And then you just sit there giving birth all night. That'd be great.

Yeah. Once when I was in high school, which was way back when, obviously. Yeah, you're a thousand. I'm a thousand years old. In high school, somebody threw a mud wrestling party and girls would mud wrestle. Where did you grow up? North Vancouver. Wow.

And they'd get hosed down after they mud wrestled. Good level of confidence on those girls. It was like a quasi friend, but it was her older brother's party. And someone offered me $100 to mud wrestle. Wow. I didn't. What? I didn't do it.

Well, because that was a kid who... No kid has $100. That's true. It was some 18-year-old dude. He didn't have $100. Probably not. I would have asked to see it up front, and He didn't have $100. Probably not. I would have asked to see it up front, and then I would have done it. Would you? Oh, of course.

$100? I thought about it, but honestly, the thing that deterred me is that it would hurt when the water sprays you. Yeah, when you're getting hosed down afterwards? I would take the $100, take $20 to go buy a nice hot shower. What was the attire for the wrestlers? They were mostly in bikinis. Okay, so you're not a see-through, it's not a wet t-shirt contest situation.

No, or bra and underwear. But yeah, you weren't wrestling just in your street clothes. You were wrestling for feminism. Yeah, yeah. And did you win? I guess. She didn't wrassle no that's true but yeah you won by not how yeah where did where was the mud oh uh there was like um yeah how can

we how do you get mud the most expensive substance known to man? No one knows how to make it. There was an oversized kiddie pool, so like a backyard inflatable pool, that they had filled with dirt and water. Because I was just picturing in a field or something. Like, I got this field and it's got mud in it. Let's get some ladies out here to wrestle. I went to Home Depot and spent 12 cents on dirt. How many girls were wrestling i feel like that would be a that's not something i could ever convince a girl to do

wrestling mud at least 12 don't think so wow it's a dozen yeah at least six match-ups of two wow that's that's a lot of no confidence yeah yeah that's, yeah. Were any of them your friends? Were you like, ah? No. Did any of them ask you to be on a tag team with them? No. No, but I did also go to a high school where someone legitimately started a fight club. Probably the same guy.

It seems like they're just franchising up. We'd meet in the forest after school. What? So you were in it? Yeah. You know you're not supposed to talk about it, right? Yeah, it doesn't matter though. It was like a boxing thing, so you'd actually wear

boxing gloves. How close were you to the forest? Was it co-ed? Yeah, you could fight the same gender or an opposite gender. Or a bear. You could fight the same gender and opposite gender. Or a bear, one ambled by. You could fight species or opposite species.

I'll see you in the forest. The forest was close enough. It was like a ten minute walk. Man, that's funny. You know what my mud wrestling name would be? Mother Gaia. It's just muddy waters yeah um mother guy oh he's a mutter his mutter's a mutter uh so that does bring us to the end of the show now uh nicole you're going to these places when are you going to be there? When can people see you? If you live in Philadelphia,

I don't know if you do, but you might. People do. Probably some of you do. If you live in Philadelphia, I will be doing a show there on June 6th. Just look up Duo Fest and you can see

where the theater is and all that info. Your duo is called? Virginia Jack. Yeah. Yeah, Virginia Jack. If you look at their press photo, it's a real fight theme. It's a real fight theme. Who's your partner?

Brianna Rayner. Rainzies. Rainzies. So that's Philadelphia and then Seattle. And then Seattle. I am there from June 17th to 23rd. It's a long festival, doing workshops every day and a bunch of shows. And that's through Unexpected Productions, which is in the heart of downtown Seattle, right by the market.

Okay. Check out the gum wall. It's literally right at the gum wall. That's where they hold Seattle's Fight Club. Gum wall. See you at the gum wall. And if people want to find you online. You're the wolf.

What was your name? Oh, God. What was your name? Was that last time you were on? Yeah, that was the last time was when Graham told people to follow me on Twitter. Yeah.

And he wanted to get me, well, I guess both of you, but mostly Graham because Dave's mean. It was when Graham said he wanted people to follow me and tried to get 100 in a few days. And it way surpassed that. Yeah. You guys are popular.

I'd say most of my Twitter followers are because of Stop Podcasting. NL Passmore? At NL Passmore. And not the wolf woman no I'm not the bone wolf it is in my description it is in my description or on Facebook if you hate Twitter

yeah and if you hate both you know whatever send me a letter to 518 East East Gaia Dave anything to plug? Oh, I don't think so. Are you not throwing any theme parties?

Oh, yeah, I'm throwing a Father Time party. The theme is Father Time. Everyone's going to wear their favorite wristwatch. What should we bring? Oh, just time. Corn nuts. Corn nuts and a slingshot into my mouth. And Graham, yourself? Calgary, Alberta. Okay. time corn nuts time yo corn nuts and the slingshot into my mouth um and graham yourself calgary alberta okay june 27th what's this all about this is lolita's lounge i'm just doing some stand up

there i'm getting ready to go to edinburgh scotland what yeah so i am uh doing a show in calgary lolita's lounge on uh thursday june 27 And then... Are you going to be doing any Fifty Shades of Graham? I am. Yeah. I'm going to read them all. Those are great. And then I'm going to go to Regina. And I'm going to do the Artesian Theater there for two days.

The Tij. That is a great theater. 28th and 29th. You've been there, right? Jaden Pfeiffer, past guest. Great guy. Pfeiffer. Pfeiffer.

Did you know that Jaden Pfeiffer can't smell? What? Yeah. Yeah, because he wears deodorant? No, he lacks the physical ability to smell. Really? He's got four senses. But his other senses are heightened.

Except his taste, because that's mostly smell. Oh, yeah, yeah. But his vision. Yeah, yeah. I hope he's okay with me sharing that. I think he's okay with me sharing that. Well, he's been on the show twice, and he hasn't mentioned it. Yeah, so hope he's okay with me. I think he's okay with me sharing that. Well, he's been on the show twice and he hasn't mentioned it. Yeah, so maybe he's sensitive about it.

Well, no. It came up and he was pretty cool about it. Listen, Bone Wolf. Okay. All right. Good night, everybody. Okay. Yeah.

Check out Maximalfun.org for Dave's blog recap that he does each and every week. Videos and pictures relating to the content of the podcast. I'm sure something, you know, Bulldog from Frasier will be on it. Maybe that Magic Bullet commercial we were talking about with the old lady. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's great. And if you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at MaximumFun.org or 206-339-8328. And if you like the show, tell your friends,

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.