Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 276 - Caitlin Howden

Episode Date: July 1, 2013

Caitlin Howden returns to talk puppets, playing bridge, and Graham visits a sensory deprivation tank.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 276 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is grill master extraordinaire Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, that's you. I did some grilling before the show. We had a little get together.

A get together. A get together. Grilled up some lamb and some patties of... Some sort of soy thing. Of soy. That's what I ate. And it's great. I'm in a great mood today. Oh, I'm in a great mood today.

Dave's in a great mood. I as well, our guest today. Why are you in a great mood? Because of our guest. This is why. A real treat. Don't you want to know why I'm in a great mood? I know why you're in a great mood.

You got to grill things. You got to wear your favorite pink shirt. Fine. Why are you in a great mood? I don't want to talk about it. Our guest today, second time guest here on the show. Made it. Very funny lady.

Member of the Sunday service. You broke their trophy. Okay. That's the first thing you bring up, right? And then she ruined it for everyone. Miss Caitlin Howden is our guest. Hello. Caitlin Howden.

Caitlin Howden. Caitlin Howden. Fun. Yeah. Dave, why are you in a good mood? No, the whole point of that, and you totally stole the focus from what it was supposed to be. Was what? So I could say, I'm in a great mood, and you would say, oh, why are you in a great mood?

And the joke was, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, okay. I get it. I'm writing for the show, and I'm getting nothing. Yeah, it's a tough writer's room. The joke was there. It just took seven minutes, and it was in different parts. Yeah, that's a tough writer's room. The joke was there. It just took seven minutes. And it was in different parts.

Yeah. That's true. It was like a callback. Maybe this is the joke. Oh, weird. Weird. Yeah. What a journey.

Do you want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Caitlin, welcome back. Hi. So good to be back. I'm so sorry about what I did at the last podcast. What did you do at the last one? I don't know. Get to know us Uh, Caitlin, welcome back Hi So good to be back I'm so sorry about what I did at the last podcast What did you do at the last one?

I don't know, you know, maybe I offended some people I got pretty racist I don't remember I don't remember that either Graham and I got in that heated physical fight Oh yeah, you guys got in that race war Yeah, if you actually listen to the podcast again You can hear us wrestle throughout the entire thing, actually

Well, it's because you like to slap i'm not i'm not as big on being slapped as you are on slapping me i will pin you down and slap you it's true with one hand over your shoulders and like across against your collarbone yeah and then the other hand open palm why did i think that you wouldn't that was the problem when you said that you were gonna do that i said I said, no, you're not going to. Yeah, you don't have the guts. Yeah. I really provoked it. So you just arrived back in Vancouver.

You've been out of town. Oh, I've been gone for so long. Did you miss it? We missed you. No, you didn't. Oh, ouch. You're a liar. You're about to start a slap fight that I'm going to lose.

I did miss Vancouver. You notice how good the air is as soon as you get off the airplane. I was also in Toronto. What's the air like there? Crack filled? Come on. All right, yeah. Mayor is in charge of it.

What a hot mess. He is hot. He is so hot. The city was hot. Toronto was hot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, stinker, as I like to say.

Real stinker. Summer in the city. Do they do the, like, opening up the fire hydrant thing in Toronto like they do in New York? And they just let it spray all over the street? Not in June. No. In late April. It's just freezing all over the roads.

Too early, guys. Too early. Well, misread that one. They should do it, though, when there's always a garbage strike in Vancouver. Or in Toronto. There's always some sort of garbage strike. Yeah. Every summer, on the hottest day, the garbage men are like,

bet you'd like it if we picked up this garbage, huh? Not gonna do it! And then the city becomes this stink pot. Yeah. Well, in the winter, nobody would know, right? It would just turn into fortified snow banks. It would turn into Christmas presents. One man's trash is another man's come up.

And this summer you are getting married? Yep. Getting married. Getting married in August. I am. It's funny. I've been engaged for a year, which is too long to be engaged, because it becomes the only thing that I'm good for.

What? It's certainly the only conversation starter. Absolutely. How's the wedding planning coming? How's the wedding planning coming? Are you excited to get married? Like, what if I said no? Well, then that's what I was hoping for, some controversy.

No, I'm not looking forward to getting married. I'm regretting everything. Everything in my life is a sham, and I'm probably a lesbian. Are you hoping that somebody breaks it up at the last second? Yeah. Is there anyone here who sees a reason these two should not be wedded? Caitlin has asked that we wait a full ten minutes for people to air their grievances. Oh, there's a guy on a jet ski.

for people to air their grievances. Oh, there's a guy on a jet ski. I think he's got... Rev your engine a view. I wanted to be Chris, though. I love my guy, but wouldn't it be great if I was engaged to this other man that I wasn't meant to be with and then Chris was the one who interrupted the wedding?

You guys should do that! That's a lot of fun yeah that's a lot of fun that's a lot of fun but then I gotta meet a whole new family like I gotta get a whole new this is

you know a lot you know a lot of actors yeah I do that's right yeah so you don't need to you just need to get one person who's not in on it okay

enough that and a camera crew yeah that's right and then just get a bunch of actors to play the other family. This sounds like a premise for How We Do It. Yeah, yeah. Oh, perfect!

Subsidize it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone call Howie Mandel. Toot sweet! Who would Howie Mandel play at the wedding? The cake? I mean, I think he'd probably be the officiant. Yeah, he'd be the minister.

What kind of wig would he wear? He would be, well, maybe he'd be like a new age kind of, not like a church cleric. Right, but he'd have like a swoopy hairdo. Yeah, like he'd read his vows off the iPad. Oh, that's fun. So he's got like crazy geometric glasses. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah.

He's a new wave. Yeah. Oh, fun. This is fun. He's a new wave. Yeah. Oh, fun. This is fun. Who's the guy with the glasses in Jurassic Park? Jeff Goldblum? Thank you. Yes.

I'd want him to be like Jeff Goldblum. What if the Jeff Goldblum was the one that you were marrying? Oh, then I'd be hard to say no. It'd be hard to say no, wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This whole thing's riding on you uh rejecting them i know i

know but if it was if it was jeff goldblum jeff goldblum i feel like if i could do a really good jeff goldblum accent i'd i'd do it right now but jeff goldblum accent yeah that's funny there are people out there who like you you don't necessarily know you're attracted to them but like but if you were forced to marry but like if it came came down to it, yeah, I think I could probably marry, I don't know. Do you know who popped into my head? Sally Field? Reba McEntire. No!

Do you know who she is? Yeah, she's a country singer. Okay. And actress. Yes, and she had that great comedy hit, Reba. Yeah. I think it was Rebo. Rebo, yeah. That was Rebo. Rebo, yeah.

That was Rebo. Rebo, yeah, yeah, yeah, on CMT. It's confusing because her name is Reba in real life, but the character was Rebo. And they'd ask- She was a robot. What's the difference between Reba and Rebo? And she'd be like, one letter. Yeah.

Can we speak to Rebo, please? I reckon. She did age very well. Yeah. I mean, she's aging very well I could see myself Standing at the altar With Reba McIntyre

Why not? Yeah Yeah but she's got A tight bod still Absolutely And then she sings Tell me why Haven't I heard from you

Is that one of her hits? That's the only hit I know of hers Graham's from the Prairies Yeah Oh yes Yeah Country 105 Yeah

Celebrating its 30th year You guys Okay Is that a radio station in the prairies? Yeah. So how do you know that it's celebrating its anniversary now? You still listen to it? No, I was in Calgary and they were handing out stickers, like nice velvet stickers.

Oh, wow. Yeah. 30 years. With Elvis painted on them. That's nice. Yeah. Country 105. Congratulations.

Celebrating 30 years. Yeah, absolutely. Country 105. Celebrating 30 years. Yeah, absolutely. Country 105. Celebrating 30 years. Every day. 30 years, having a good time. Who is that?

30 years, the new 20. For country 105, which is the new 95. What used to be 95.3. Yeah, so Rupert McIntyre and Jeff Goldblum are getting married, you guys. That's what I took from this. Let's start that rumor now.

Okay, so you're getting married. You don't want to talk about that. You've been traveling around. You brought it up a little bit, and I wasn't there for it. No, can we, you brought it up a little bit and I wasn't here, I wasn't there for it. But last year at the Canadian Comedy Awards, I was at the weekend, but I wasn't there at the ceremony. And by the way, I believe at the point that this episode is out, nominations will be out for this year. So please vote for us. I assume we're nominated.

I'm not allowed to be nominated anymore. Why not? Well. Oh, right. Because of what happened. Because of what happened at the awards. But we talked about this on the last podcast, I think, because it was post. No, it wasn't.

Oh, really? Oh, it wasn't. No. Well, in case we did, I'll give you the brief version. The Sunday Service won Best Improv Troop. In Canada. In Canada. Well deserved.

Thank you. Yeah, I've been riding their coattails for about a year now. Stop it. They've been doing a weekly show for six years, and I hop on board and they win. Coincidence? I don't know. No, I'm so lucky that they want to hang out with me every Sunday. So we won the award, and it's this beautiful glass

maple leaf very top heavy very top heavy it's not a maple leaf it's it's a like a diamond a diamond with a beaver in it well okay so that explains a lot i was drinking heavily we all were yeah we all were it was you were. You were celebrating. It's fun. And I've always been known for my great balance. Did you say balance or ballots? Ballots. Hot country.

One, two, three, five. So I've always been really good at putting things on my head, like books or small dogs. You went to that charm school from A League of Their Own. That's right. Oh, I wish I did. I would apologize less. And so I was like, hey, guys, watch this. And I put the award on my head.

And as I placed it on my head, I lowered my arms and I turned around with a big smile on my face. You turned. Oh, yeah. I turned. I walked. And within the first second of it being on my head, it tumbled to the ground. Slow motion. Shattered everywhere.

Got into a lot of my shin. Then everyone laughed at me, luckily. And I still have the shards just hanging around in a plastic bag. I'm going to make them all into pendants for the boys. So I broke the award. So the one thing that we won, we can't have. But, like, you get – now, I've heard that if you get, like emmys or a grammy and you break it they will send you a new one no i don't think the canadian comedy awards have the same budget for the

grammys i think the grammys like all those like televised award shows the one you get isn't the one you get right the one they give you on stage is just, it's made of chocolate. Yeah. That's why by the end of the night, the one that they just keep handing out is kind of sagging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like the Oscar's kind of leaning onto one side. What is it for the Grammy? It's that, like... Gramophone? It's a gramophone.

Gramophone. Yeah. A gramophone, so it's drooping. What is it? The Emmy is a... The Emmy is a... An angel holding a ball of string. The Emmy is like a weapon.

Yeah, it's got crazy electric wings. And then it's holding a giant ball. Like a Greek goddess. Yeah. And then the Golden Globes is just a globe. And the Oscars and Oscar. Oscars and Oscar. Tony is a tragedy tragedy face or no wait

maybe that's the sag award no yeah the tony is something else it's got it's got patrick harris's face yeah yeah yeah and he's holding a cane it's tony danza as tony maselli no it's it's some weird stringy thing like it's a small string it's a circle with like this malleable it's like it's a strip of magnesium around it and it's very if you light it on fire it burns white hot um it's some weird shape thing okay i just remember from the seinfeld where kramer won one and oh that's right it's it looks like um like uh like a paperweight like something all look like paperweights. But it looks like something you'd buy at the Sharper Image or something like that. It looks like a half

globe. It looks like a globe and then like a spinny thing in the middle. It's weird. Is it the fanciest of all the awards? Oh boy. I mean, how do you pick your favorite?

I mean, the Teen Choice Award is a surfboard. Oh, that's true. That's so fun. See, now that I wouldn't have broken and I would have put that on my head and it would have been fine. What's the biggest thing you've ever balanced on your head? Probably like three Shakespeare lexicons. Yeah, that looks like a globe. I went to theater school.

So, of course, I had a lexicon for Shakespeare. A lexicon's a dictionary? Yes, but it was only for Shakespeare. So, three lexicons yeah what how many words did he use so many but it was also like you know like it was a lot of uh one lexicon was just for uh uh a to m and then n to z zed yeah whoever's listening you can apply the letter to yeah and then rewind and then there was another one that was for the history of the families. Because of all the Richards and all of the big epic plays, all the tragedies, there was multiple chapters.

So then there was also a lexicon explaining their families. Did you study all this stuff? Mm-hmm. And do you do Shakespeare? No, not anymore. Did you ever? I went to theater school. Oh, as soon as theater school.

Yeah, I was like, this is boring. Goodbye, snoozeroo. Man, this sucks. All my parts are boring. Is there anywhere in the lexicon that explains why this isn't boring? We spiced this up a little bit. Is there any part that explains why people pretend to like this? Well, I just feel like, let's do something new now.

You know, there's been... You mean like how Baz Luhrmann made Romeo and Juliet with guns? Yes. I mean, don't get me wrong. That movie will always be so warm in my heart. It's to end the test of time. Oh my God, with the fish. And then he looks through it and then there's Claire Danes and she's like, what?

And her hair is so soft and flat. Doesn't look through an actual fish. Well, you know. You know. I painted the image and you got it oh that's true have you seen it recently no it's really it really holds up i watched it a couple years ago it was comical really yeah i feel like it was comical when it came out but everybody either was having an erection for leonardo caprio or for claire dame yeah like yeah whatever look

she's look if it came down to marrying her yeah i'd marry her but i don't think about her in that or DiCaprio or for Claire Danes. Yeah. Like, whatever. Look, if it came down to marrying her, yeah, I'd marry her. But I don't think about her in that way. She's got rude breasts in that movie. Just so rude. So, like, open and round. I remember that. Do you remember how exposed Claire Danes' breasts

were in that movie? I don't. Also rude breasts, Kate Winslet in Titanic. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Those were everywhere. Claire Danes isn't a breasty woman, is she? No, but she was very cleaved in Romeo and Juliet.

Okay. A lot of corsets. Yeah, it was amazing how, even though it was supposed to be set in present day, Baz Luhrmann still managed to get as many corsets in there as humanly possible. And as many masquerades. Why don't we have masquerades anymore? Like, I know you guys had a barbecue, but imagine you replace that with like a light masquerade. I think that the masquerades are all sex parties now.

What? Right? Aren't they all like eyes wide shut things? Like cloaks and masks. I still want to go. Yeah. Not for the sex part, though. But just for like the hors d'oeuvres and then like a real cinderella moment if you know what i mean oh no she left her glass dildo on the ground don't ever use a glass dildo i'll go to every

don't ever balance one on your head it'll I right? It'll break. It'll break. Also, that's not where it goes. I got shards of dildo in my shit. Guys, Graham's parents are listening. They listen to every episode. Yeah, absolutely. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Clark, or Mr. Clark and Mrs. Independent. Yeah, absolutely.

What happened to Miss Independent? Is that the lyric? What happened to Miss Indefender? Is that the lyric? What happened to Miss Indefender? Where is this from? Kelly Clarkson. I believe it was co-written by Christina Aguilera. Would you guys go to a musical based on the music? The life of Kelly Clarkson.

Well, yeah, the music of Kelly Clarkson but also reflecting her life story maybe it's not about Kelly Clarkson it's about a character that's like Kelly Clarkson does she have political views? is that the only interesting thing about her? she's a communist

Miss Independent is an allegory for capitalism yeah for China noted pop communist yeah

since you've been gone is a song to Stalin yeah whatever kills you makes you stronger standing in line to get food. How do you guys know so many Kelly Clarkson songs?

We're working on a musical. We were kind of seeing what the reaction was going to be. She won American Idol. The first winner. Yeah. She won it all the way from Justin to Kelly. That's right. Remember that?

Justin Gorarema. Yeah. Gorarema. I wonder what, is he, he's probably on like a uh like a cruise ship or something right yeah yeah yeah yeah probably doing casinos on the mast yeah yeah i don't know he's doing like smoky lake casino right now yeah absolutely he's hosting their hot buns competition that seems all right to me. If you're going to go a direction of being a celebrity, judging a competition seems all right.

That seems like an okay night's work. I wouldn't mind doing that. Yeah, I feel like I don't really have very high standards for my career. I would be happy if I could just coast. I don't want extreme success. I'd love to just coast for the rest of my life. I love it. Yeah.

Nothing too big. Nothing that you can fall from. You know? I think it's... You don't want to get too precariously up there. No, no, no, no, no, no. Where people go, fuck that girl. I hope she doesn't...

I hope she falls. And they'd be like, oh, no, people are against me. As opposed to like, that's why I never want to win awards. One, I break them. But two, if you lose the the award then everyone will say to you like oh you should have won right one you should have won but if you win the award everyone is saying behind your back like they shouldn't have won yeah that's what you want though right it's not yeah you want people talking behind your back yeah yeah yeah you thrive on that

cattiness it gives me such anxiety to be unliked yeah that's i think uh shaquille o'neal yeah i don't think she should be on the show i don'Neal, yeah. I don't think she should be on the show. I don't think she's doing fine. I don't think we should have had her on the show. No, I think she's doing great.

No, don't tell her this. I'm not. You're doing great. You know, Shaquille O'Neal, he suffered from that same thing. He wanted to be liked by everybody.

Really? And he had to learn that you just can't. You can't. I know, I know. Maybe his opponents in basketball. Like for a guy who made his living like smashing a ball on top of shorter people's heads. Just being a brick house all the time.

I don't like being not like, ball! Smash! He did some nice stuff. He bought that kid a helmet. What? There was a kid who had a... I just remember hearing this high school... this story in the 90s

about a high school kid whose head was too big for a football helmet, and so Shaq bought him a helmet. Oh, man. I might have dreamed that. It seems pretty dreamy. This kid's head is too big for a football if it came down to it would you marry Shaq

oh no no no I'm worried at what people would think about me now imagine me walking around

with Shaq oh yeah people would be like what how no yeah it's true but

she must what what yeah people wouldn't even be able to like form an idea it would just be a lot of like what and i and you know how lucky are we that we that comedians seem to be the only people who have found a foothold in podcasting there is no justin guarini podcast there isn't but i will say this i've just recently been turned on to the stone cold steve austin podcast and i love it he's got a lot of free time on his hands does he uh yeah and he he is quite a storyteller as it turns out he's like a very he's very funny to listen to he's the the um this was after my wrestling time uh but here's what i know about him bald-headed man yeah uh

loves drinking beer loves drinking beer his uh wrestling outfit was cutoffs cut off and a uh leather vest okay no nothing else just a leather vest he had the t-shirt Austin 316. That's right. His commandment was do unto others before they do unto you. No. Which does not come from anything in the Bible. Is 316 an actual passage from the Bible? John 316 is the big one. His was Austin 316.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son or whatever. Yeah. It was the one that the guy with the rainbow wig would hold up at sports games. And he also was a guy who didn't like his boss. So he would come in and yell at Vince McMahon and be like, you can't tell me what to do. Yeah, people loved him. And then after every match, he'd crack a beer and just start drinking in the ring. Yeah, right?

I wish I was into start drinking in the ring oh yeah right i wish i was into wrestling back in the day so he doesn't really wrestle anymore because he's destroyed like every joint in his body and but he he's like he has a ranch in texas and he goes to la and he's like you know does like b grade, yeah. And his storytelling? Outstanding. Well, he's an entertainer, right? Like, if you look at what wrestling is, it's just like a male soap opera.

Yeah. Oh, my God. No one's ever said that before. Okay, you know what? I'm out of here. But that's why I think that he must be so good at emoting or telling a story or being captivating. His story about squaring off with a woodpecker that wouldn't leave his house alone is hysterical. His ranch?

Yeah, he's at his ranch and he's got a woodpecker that won't stop chipping away at the side of his house. And it's all about like him and his wife and him wanting to go. Like you're not allowed to shoot a woodpecker in the state of Texas without filling out all these forms that say like it's okay to shoot that woodpecker. And he was like he was he was telling this story by way of telling the Texas officials that he didn't have time to fill in the forms. But he was shooting at this. That's fair. He gave him fair warning, but not the like. Yeah.

That's fair. He gave him fair warning, but not the official. Yeah, he's like, I'm not going to officially fill out the forms, but I want you guys to know that I am firing a gun at this woodpecker at his own house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't that mean he has bugs in the wood? Yeah, I guess that's what... I didn't know what woodpeckers really did. I didn't know that they're shaking loose bugs. What does Woody Woodpecker do? he's an instigator yeah like isn't his whole thing that that he just

does he anger people just like doing exactly what yeah yeah cold steve austin he would do like uh you know it would be like a telephone pole it would be something that we need and he'd start or somebody's mailbox yeah yeah i guess that's all he did didn't he also do shapes though wasn't he a bit of a an artiste oh yeah wouldn't he do like a face or like the end the yeah but what was his like you know it wasn't like sylvester and tweety where there was a like or uh roadrunner coyote there was no thing what he woodpecker was yeah nemesis society society yeah yeah quiet that's right stillness stillness yeah tranquility versus woody woodpecker woody woodpecker there's a i know there's a comedian from like the 50s that was named

woody woodberry and i'm pretty sure he based his name off of woody woodpecker trying to backpack on the success well every other are you sure because i'm pretty sure he based his name off of Woody Woodpecker, like trying to backpack on the success. Well, every other – are you sure? I'm not sure. Because every other cartoon character is based on a celebrity. I wonder if Woody Woodpecker was based on Woody Woodpecker. Like who – what? I don't know old-timey celebrities.

Yogi Bear was based on Yogi Bear. And Flintstones was based on Ralph Cramden. The Honeymooners. Yeah. Flintstones was based on Ralph Cramden. The Honeymooners. And like, I feel like, what was the, I'm trying to remember now all the different names of the, there was like Snagglepuss. He was based on some.

Yeah, some gay guy. Some gay guy, like some like 50, you know, or 1920s gay guy. He was based after Liberace. Droopy's based on someone someone real droopy yeah I feel like there was a character maybe based on

Walter Matthau yep but I think at the time like kids growing up well maybe kids growing up then knew but like when we

grew up we were a generation or two away from when these characters existed. And they didn't create any cartoon characters in the interim. And so all these references were lost on us, but we still watched. Still loved it. Yeah, that's true.

Although there's a lot of Simpsons characters based on old. Like isn't Gil, he's Jack Lemmon from Don Gary Gunn Ross. Chief Wiggum is Edward G. Robinson. Yeah. It's a very rich it's a fertile history. So layered.

Yeah. For nerds. Who were the Muppet babies based on? That's a very good question. Tell me that, boys. They were based on I'm learning a lot here.

Every one of them is based on one of the seven deadly sins. Oh. What was the premise of Muppet Babies was that they've been together since. They make your dreams come true. But that they've been together since they were at birth. I don't know if it retroactively applies to adult Muppets.

Well, it was the original prequel. It was. And there was the nanny, right? She always had the purple purple socks but you never saw her face or her body you just saw her the wilson yeah but like opposite wilson and that's who wilson is based on that's right and the last episode she bends down into the frame and she's got a skull for her face so terrifying and worms are falling out of it. Yeah, exactly. Maggots. Yeah, Nanny's been dead for years. Do you guys know that

Youpi, you know Youpi? The Montreal Expos? The Montreal Expos mascot, but since we don't have the Expos anymore, now Youpi will just do anything. He's at the Montreal Canadiens Games. Yeah, he goes to the Canadiens Games. He'll also go to Jazz Fest. He'll just hang out. Does he wear a hat and glasses for

Jazz Fest? Yeah, yeah. A little beret. He gets addicted to heroin um he was a jim he is a jim henson uh oh character really good don't throw that guy away i know that's why they're keeping him he's probably cost a pretty penny and his name's yuppie because that's the french uh for yippee or hooray. It's spelled Y-O-U-P-I, like yippee, which is French for wee. Yeah, yeah. Hooray. Yippee. Yippee. So I just love when the franchise went out and we're like, hey, don't throw the baby

out with the bathwater. We got a great mascot here. We still got tons of events. Yeah, we still owe 50 years worth worth of payments on Yuppie. We got to use him. Put him in a new jersey. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow, that's great. Yeah, and it's true. Now he does the Habs games. Les Abatiens. Yeah. Les Abatiens. No. Les Habitants.

No, Les Habitants. Les Habitants de Montréal. And he'll also, I think he'll just hang out. Yeah, yeah. I think he'll just like hang out. Yeah, yeah. He can go to a party. He's DTF. Yeah. Now, speaking of mascots, a couple weeks ago, we were talking about like what would be an appropriate mascot for Stop Podcasting Yourself. And we actually had somebody draw up a sketch of a character called the over bird, which was the bird.

It's actually really crazy. Crazy concept. It's like a bird that's in a top hat, like the birds popping out of this top hat and the top hat says spy on it. So it's pretty. Are you looking it up right now yeah i'm trying to find um that's awesome but i'm telling you right now over bird i am in touch with a person who makes mascots for a living and i am looking into i am i'm uh price sourcing or whatever you call that and it's in a celebrity crush hat oh that's that's what it's in. It's a celebrity crush hat. Oh, cool. And that would be a really easy thing for a human being to wear.

Yeah, and imagine that hanging out at your party. Thanks to Phil A. for the idea. Yeah. Phil A. Phil A. From Cincinnati, oh. I'm sourcing. I'm sourcing. I'm trying to see how much it costs to get a mascot.

You got a guy? You got a mascot guy? I got a guy. You got a Scott guy? Got a guy who's calling me back. Don't go to his house, okay? Why not? Why?

Well. Make him come to my house. Yeah. See my mascot collection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Really impress him with my know-how. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's like being over at someone's house and they have a room just for puppets. Where you're like, I shouldn't be here. Yeah, that's like that thing that doesn't happen. Yeah. I know someone who does this. Really? Who has a room just for puppets? I don't know them personally because I never would.

Weirdos. But I have I know of someone who has a room just for puppets. But you don't think Jim Henson's a weirdo. No. But he would have had a room just for puppets. Yes, but this person isn't Jim Henson. So what are these puppets made out of gross materials?

Like is it something weird about these puppets? Or is it just... No, I just don't like that there's a whole room of puppets. Do you not like puppets? I'm fine with them. I don't know that you are. You know what? I'm fine with them, but I feel like it's an excuse for people to be like,

Oh, I'm so quirky and weird. I've got too many rooms and too many puppets. This one brings out this side of my personality. Does he use them all? Or she? Sounds like a she. Is it a she? It's a she, right? Yeah, I think she did it at one point. Like, I'm fine with like two to twelve.

Wow! But not one. You're not okay with one puppet. No, one? Okay. One is like it's like a fluke where you're like oh someone gave this to me and it's a fun.

I want it in a raffle. Yeah I want it. I have a puppet. Yeah I got stoned and put some things on a sock. Now I have a puppet. No big deal.

I still wear it as a sock. I mean it's fun. Two to twelve. Then I go oh it's a hobby. Over twelve and I think I don't want to be

in your home. A puppeteer's dozen. What if they're renowned for puppetry? Like a Ronnie Burkett? Well, then I wouldn't be invited because I don't know Ronnie Burkett. Not yet. Not with this attitude. Oh, yeah, I know.

I know. I know. But this person is just acquiring them and then not doing anything with them. What if they are a crazy person? Well, I mean, they're clearly a crazy person. But what if they're like a murderer who has 12 Puppetry of the Penis penises? Wait, isn't Puppetry of the Penis, though, just your own personal penis? This person's a murderer.

Penis. I saw Puppetry of the Penis. Okay. I know somebody who opened, like, was the show opener for the- Really? Yeah. A couple ladies that I know actually were the opening acts for Puppetry of the Penis. I guess they have to be pretty raunchy.

Not really. Is it a lot of warnings? Like, the first three rows, you will get splashed. Also, tickets, non-refundable remember what you paid for the doors are now locked unlike the vagina monologues this is literally penises oh man the vagina monologues would be way more fun if it was a lot of just a real pussy show where they all talk yeah yeah where they all talk. Yeah. Where they all talk. They sing the Muppets opening theme song.

They all do dramatic monologues from a high school workbook. You seen it? You saw Puppetry in the Beans? Yeah, I saw about 20 minutes of it just for laughs.

I was just poor-e. Just poor-e. I think I get it, but refresh. Check it out. It's the Eiffel Tower. Are they Australian?

Yeah. It's a higher rock. E, chickadee, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee. I can't do Australian. See the upper house. But I just remember the hamburger. That's the one that I remember the most. But that seems like any young man could do the most. But that seems like that seems like any any young man

could do the hamburger. That seems like like don't they do something like a kangaroo? Here's a roo. Like don't they do anything like that? Do they do any shadow puppets? I don't remember any shadow puppets. I just remember a lot of like set up. It would have to be because

there's a lot of like okay everybody get ready to use your imagination. This is going to be because there's a lot of like, okay, everybody, get ready to use your imagination. This is going to be, okay, everyone get a clear picture of the Taj Mahal in your mind. This is President George W. Bush. Now project that onto my weird penis right now. Weird Australian penis. How long a show is it? Well, like I said, I only watched 20 minutes.

What if it was two hours long? I think it was like an hour long show. Really? Yeah. And I don't know why I didn't stay for the whole thing. No, I'm sure I know why. Because I couldn't find the tip. Every time I looked at the penis, I was like, where does it start and where does it end?

Oh, that's a good metaphor. Yeah. Where do I begin? Where does it end? Can I assume it was uncircumcised? I think you would have to be because it's like, you know. For that flexibility? Yeah.

They're doing their conehead impression. They're doing the story, The Hungry Caterpillar. But the circumcised was, I don't know. Yeah, The Hungry Caterpillar. Remember that book? That kid's book? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. What was it? A piece of yarn that went through it or something? He was so hungry, and he ate a whole apple, and he was still hungry, and then he had two pears, and he was so hungry, and then he had three grapefruits, and then he was so hungry that he had a cake, a this, a that, and then he became a caterpillar. No, is it a cockerpillar? Oops.

Sorry, kid. Sorry, PTA. And that's when one of my eggs just died. Doesn't one of your eggs die a month? I don't know a lot about... They don't die. They just go on vacation. Look, this is weird.

No, let's talk about my eggs. Yeah, let's talk about Kayla's body. Let's talk about my eggs. I mean, I'm sitting here naked. We might as well talk about my eggs. Yeah, you're doing about Kieran's body. Let's talk about my eggs. I mean, I'm sitting here naked. We might as well talk about my eggs. Yeah, you're doing puppetry of the egg. Puppetry of the oval. Yeah.

Part chicken. Yeah, anyway. So that was a thing. It was a thing. It was a thing that toured the world, played in theaters. Legitimate theaters. It wasn't like a nightclub thing. The puppetry of the penis played at the Vogue.

Oh. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like a weird... What was the thing that was always at the Vogue? Oh, like... It was called like Umoja or something like that. Umoja, yeah. Yeah.

I think we talked about that on our first episode. Is that like a Silt-a-Soleil show? No, it was like African dancing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but they had like a month Oh, yeah. Yeah, but they had like a month-long gig. Yeah, they were like the house band.

Really? Yeah, it was like any night of the week. You're like, hey, want to go see a Moose again? That was fun last night. Is that still happening

at the Vogue? No, I haven't seen it in years. Oh. No, they're the opening act for Puppetry. They had to team up like Boyz II Men

and New Kids on the Block. They had to make a big deal. What I would give to see that show. That's happening. I know. That money that's what yeah i know but i hear one of the one of the men of boys to men is not doing it he's been replaced by a boy he just couldn't hit those those high notes again so what he's not doing it like come on guys didn't any of you guys save any of your money? I remember hearing that Jordan

Knight from Nuka's on the Block did not want to go on tour because he had developed severe stage fright. And... Stage fright? Yeah, he had got some really bad anxiety. Okay. And I actually went to go see Backstreet Boys and Nuka's on the Block when they were in Vancouver. And KOTBSB? And KOTBSB.

That's right. Last summer, I think it was? Yeah, because I've only been in Vancouver. Yeah. Okay. So it was last summer. I went to go see it. And at one point, Jordan Knight left the stage and the other guys were like, don't worry about him, guys.

He's fine. And they had to comment on it. And he left the stage for a bit. And then I read online later on, which is always very reliable, that he went outside to have a cigarette or two because he was getting really bad anxiety. So that's always good for anxiety. Smoking a cigarette is great for your heart.

That is bad anxiety. Do you find that... And there were literally hundreds of people there. Hundreds. You had to picture that many people naked. That's why I needed that cigarette it was in the Rogers Center

with hundreds of people was it not a full show? no no no I got them for free I got the tickets for free I think I got paid 20 bucks

where's this Boys to Men show happening? I don't know you should find out yeah it's happening probably in like it's happening only in kind of arenas

and stuff so probably Rogers Center is my guess but it's you know it's happening probably in like, it's happening only in kind of arenas and stuff. So probably Roger Sanders, my guess. But it's, you know, it's like they couldn't put any more bands on that lineup without not turning a profit. 98 Degrees. Oh, 98 Degrees, right. Nick Lachey. Nick and Drew. Oh, yeah, Drew.

And Jason Jeffery. Wow. He's the guy who looks like Kenny Powers from Eastbound and Down with short hair. He's the guy who wore the bucket hat. Perfect. Yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about. I think there's even a fourth guy. Boyz II Men and New Kids on the Block.

No, actually Boyz is. No, no. Do you think they do a harmony off? I don't know. I mean, those songs, they're not like great songs. You know what I mean? It's not like. Motown Philly back again.

Well, that's a pretty good song. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. But a little. Yeah. Fiance. Yeah, yeah. Who headlines that show? New Kids, right?

Boys to Men. I would say Boys to Men. They're going to do the end of the road? Well, they're going to like, that's the, you know, what are you going to, they're going to bring you all the way back to the high school dance. Uh-huh. And then, you know, none of those other guys have a topper. Like, Hang Tough is going to be the opening song.

Okay, you're so wrong. You think it's going to be 98 Degrees, then Boyz II Men, then? Yeah, you can do that. For sure, 90 Degrees first, though, right? Well, yeah. Name one song. It's getting hot in here. 98 degrees to be exact.

Yeah, New Kids have way more hits. They have more hits, but I think like, I don't know. I feel like Boyz II Men have the like sexier, like, I don't know, put that sexy middle on the show. I remember I had a party in grade six and my parents let me have the whole basement to myself. And I replaced all the light bulbs with red light bulbs. And I just played boys to men. Did anyone show up? Yeah, there was like 12 of us.

Did anybody develop film? It was my way to get this boy to kiss me, and it did not work. Oh, that is the most heartbreaking story. And I was like, oh, this red lighting will set the mood. I think it just made me look really scary. It brought out my pinkish hue of my skin. You put on a lot of lipstick, so it just looked like you had eaten a deer. Eaten a deer.

And then also chugged a one and a half liter bottle of shitty red wine. Red wine mouth. How old were you in this? I was 12, 11. Yeah. Okay. Boys to men would have been, right? Yeah.

And it was perfect. And his name was Eric. Oh, boy. Oh, Eric. And he liked my friend Jillian, but I was like, it's okay. Tonight's my night. Yeah. It was perfect. And his name was Eric. Oh, boy. Oh, Eric. Trouble. And he liked my friend Jillian. But I was like, it's OK. Tonight's my night.

Yeah. It was not. It wasn't until I was 18 years old. And you kissed Eric? No, I kissed another boy. OK. You didn't kiss a boy until you were 18? Maybe 17.

Wow. Yeah. You're a very attractive lady. Thanks. I don't, I don't understand how you could have gone that almost two decades without, without one smooch. Man, I tried.

The first decade doesn't count. Not for you guys. Smooching up a storm. Yeah, no, I never, you know, I was,

I'm five, six and a half and I was this height in grade six and all the boys were shorter than me. And I was, you know, I was, I'm five, six and a half and I was this height in grade six. And all the boys were shorter than me. And I was, you know, I was kind of awkward. I have, I have a weird twitch that later developed. I found out it was Tourette's, but I'm fine. It's not like swearing. You're great. But I would have these twitches in high school where, like, I would make this sound.

Oh, man. So that maybe explains why you didn't get kissed a lot. And how often would this happen? Oh, like, repeatedly throughout the day. And what's going through your mind as they're happening? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Please stop. And how did you learn to stop them? I just didn't. They just would become a different twitch. And now I have, like, Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Please stop. And how did you learn to stop them? I just didn't. They just would become a different twitch. And now I have like a nose thing where I'll like scrunch up my nose, but I don't know I'm doing it. Right. So I'll only know because at the end of the day, I'm like, well, I've got a real forehead pain.

And I'm like, oh, because I've been twitching all day. Huh. Wowzers. So I was a bit of an awkward teenager. I'm going to awaken the beast. Going to eat that deer. But you wouldn't think that that would dissuade a high school, a high school boys. Absolutely it would.

No way. High school boys are. They've got to have it. They've got to have it. Yeah, exactly. I'm surprised anything would dissuade them. I think high school boys just want the norm. No, they'll take anything.

Yeah, they want norm from Cheers. That's what I say when I go into my barbershop. Give me the norm. The usual? No. The norm. Enough of this cliff business. It's been holding you back.

Holding you back. Well, the boys were wrong. Well, I'm glad I'm a late bloomer. Yeah. Didn't make a lot of mistakes growing up. Couldn't. Wanted to real bad. They don't make a morning after pill for no mornings after.

I got into other fun monkey business. Yeah, sure. You solved some crimes, right? Yeah. You and your schoolyard chumps. Yeah. So I raised a lot of money for myself. Had a lot of Ponzi schemes going on.

Absolutely. Counterfeited bills. Oh, sure. I wish. Did you ever try? Misspent youth. No. i wouldn't know where to begin i tried one like before like i tried when i was six yeah yeah and i had some you know smelly felts and i was like well the two dollar bill is orange i've got an orange smelly felt let's see

how close i can get it uh they said that the new uh bills were completely uncounterfeitable, and already they've had several busts where they're like, God, these are really good. The only difference between the ones that they found was on the real bill. The queen doesn't have a dick. Yeah, exactly. The queen isn't wearing those Kanye sunglasses. You should have looked at them closely. But they're like,

aside from that, in its own way, these are worth more. Those are collectibles. Oh, Lord. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, boy. Let's see. What is going on with you? Oh, boy. Let's see. What is going on with me? Not a heck of a lot.

Here's the thing. Graham, you came over before the show, and Abby and a friend of the show, Alicia Tobin, we had a barbecue. Mostly it was Alicia. She prepared all the food and brung it. And we have a table inside that I think belonged to my grandparents. And they bought it used. It's like a hundred-year-old table. And we carried it outside.

And as we were carrying it out, the drawer on it opened and it was a bridge manual from 1957. Cool. You've never moved the table before? We just got it from my parents' house a little while ago. It's like a kitchen table, so we didn't really know there were drawers. But I guess I thought it was. Anyway, we didn't look. And do either of you play bridge or have you played bridge?

I've had a couple seniors try to entice me into an afternoon of it. Yeah, my parents at one point were like... Talk about your late bloomers. At one point my parents were like, oh yeah, you should learn to play bridge. And I think that's something older people tell younger people. Yeah. But it'll just end in heartbreak because all the people you play with will die. Yeah, that's true.

It's the last game you'll play. It's hard to keep... It's the most dangerous game. It's hard to keep a bridge group together, apparently, or keep them going because of that. Lots of people just pass away. But there's always new old people. That's the great thing about...

And their common denominator is bridge. Yeah. But that bridge is the bridge. But it won't be. Like, when we're old, will we is bridge. Yeah. But that bridge is the bridge. But it won't be. Like when we're old, will we play bridge? Yes. I think it's in the same way where it's like when you were 19, did you say like, oh, when I'm old, will I have a real dresser? And then the answer is yes.

Or like, you know, when I'm old, will I have a lawn? Yeah. When I was a teenager, when I'm old, will I have a lawn? Yeah. When I was a teenager, it was inconceivable that any of my friends would ever play golf. It was so, like, that if you told me that basically every one of the people that I grew up with would be active every weekend golfers. Because that was old man Jenkins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sport. You didn't golf.

With the plaid pants. Yeah, yeah. Like that was old, you know, guys smoking cigars on the- You know what it is. They let a black guy play. Oh, right. Yeah. Made it cool.

I always thought like when I'm older, like, oh, wouldn't it be amazing to be like a thousandaire? Like to have so many thousands of dollars? Yeah. Not there yet. It would still be cool. Working towards it. But to have so many thousands. Do you think they'll ever let a black guy play Bridge?

Yeah, and when they do, it'll be cool. I think Bridge, my grandparents didn't grow up playing Bridge. They just got into it. And I think we will all get into it. It's not we will all get into it. It's not a game you play in your 30s.

Maybe it is. Maybe we start BridgeCast. Oh, not a problem. But how do I really feel? How long does a bridge game last? Oh, like it's an all day. It's really an excuse for seniors to sit around and drink. Like it's because you can't, I don't know.

I don't think you're going to pubs because like you can't hear. A lot of people have hearing problems. So it's quiet and you drink. Everybody's drinking gin all day. And yeah, I think that's like just, you know, it's like neighborhood poker. But I don't think, well, maybe some old people play poker. Do they still have – well, I guess – I mean the only people reading the newspaper are old people. And they probably still have that bridge column in the newspaper.

They absolutely do. I mean, yeah. It seems like it's all gobbledygook when you read that though, isn't it? Of course it is. Well, because they're Northwest, East, and South are the players' names. Yeah. You have to – oh, I missed yesterday's edition i'm lost today where do they move the pegs i'll never understand i don't even like yeah there's pegs it's pegs and cards yeah yeah cards and pegs in a board are there dice i don't think there's dice but uh do you have a dungeon master

yeah absolutely somebody has to wear a special hat somebody's the grand wizard what if bridge will die out and then what happens is um as we get older we just take like settlers of katan with us yeah as we get older and that becomes our bridge that could happen as equally a confusing game that monopolizes a lot of time yeah and you have to like the rules are weird it It's one of those games where it's like someone will try and explain the game to you

but then while explaining they'll give up and go you know what let's just play around. Yeah. And then you the new person will just be lost for a while. Right.

But it's crazy that like poker's still around. Like that's been around since like the old west. There's still people playing it every night. They used to play that on boats. That's how old it is it's crazy old um uh yeah i have you played settlers of katan uh no i've played um you know i've played

risk and i played dungeons and dragons so i assume those two things qualify as settlers i haven't played it either but i but it's one of those that I was like, oh, if anyone ever plays board games again, I'd like to be invited to that. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't turn down an opportunity. I don't think people like me playing board games with them. I get – You get real competitive?

But it's so dumb. Like it takes no skill to play a board game. This is true. I think board games are fun. There are certain games that are great because it's nice to do something with friends you know when you have friends over and then you're like what are we gonna do just talk to each other yeah that's true board games like bowling are more fun than they seem like bowling i love bowling i love bowling when i'm doing it but i'm never like oh i gotta i gotta get out and do something that's true

the second you're bowling, you're like, I want to do this forever. And then the second you leave, you're like, what did we just do? And I think I've said it on the podcast before, I don't agree with board games in bars. Yeah.

Board games in bars? Yeah. I am down on that idea. What about snakes and lattes which is specifically that's not a thing it absolutely is you go on Bloor Street

in Toronto you can go to snakes and lattes that's the name of the place yeah oh wow I think maybe I don't hate that

it's coffee shop then maybe it's coffee shop coffee shop and board games to me go hand in hand I feel like if you're at a bar and you can't just have fun getting drunk yeah yeah yeah

then you're in the wrong business you have a problem yeah like if you're at a bar and you can't just have fun getting drunk yeah yeah like if just imbibing alcohol and talking to your friends is not good enough for you then you're with the wrong crowd like if you need a thing like oh we need a but like if you're at home and you're just having friends over then a board game's perfect. But at a bar, it's like the focus should be on getting drunk. Shots. Yeah. I feel sort of the opposite about brunch. Because when you go to brunch, they have all these booze specials. And you're like, no,

bacon is good enough. This breakfast food is... I don't need... You're indulging enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. It feels like brunch with alcohol feels like something you can only do in Vegas or on a honeymoon. Or if someone says, hair of the dog. Hair of the dog, buddy. Hey, hair of the dog.

Also, what I like about brunch, you can often leave a $20 bill and then walk away. You don't need to get change, the tips included. In fact, you're giving a dollar more than you normally would but you're like it's okay i'm having an easy day i'm full on animal meat yeah i don't have to buy two meals today i combined two meals i combined two meals and in fact i might not even have dinner because i overate this morning and i'm feeling kind of gross because i drank that alcohol but the good news is I drank enough coffee that I pooped right after. Like, brunch for me is everything. It's confusing.

Oh, I love it. I'm starting a brunch board game place. It's going to be so messy. Settlers of Bacon. That is not bad. That is not bad. Settlers of Croissant. I liked Bacon before because it sounds

like katan uh graham uh-huh what's going on with you my prayer oh okay we're good yeah um we're like 50 minutes in yeah in the spirit of uh of having something specific to talk about during the podcast what um? Well, because we're recording so many back-to-back, I was like, and I said to you, I was like, I'm going to have to do something to have something to talk about. So I went out and did a thing specifically.

Save it for the next episode. Yeah? No, I don't care. I went in a sensory deprivation tank. Why didn't we talk about my dumb thing? Did you do that thing that just opened up? Yeah. What's it called?

Float house. Float house. Where is it? It's in Gastown. What is it? I want to do this. It is a spa that is, they have five sensory deprivation tanks. So cool.

And you go, it's basically like, you know what the concept like, you go and it's like Epsom salt water. I don't know the concept. So you go in this, it's kind of like. A bathtub? A tanning bed? It's kind of like a big bathtub. It's like a big bathtub with kind of like a plastic canopy over it and a door. And you go in and you like lie in it and float like it's got so much salt in it it's

like the like the dead sea yeah and um like you go in you have to like shower and then you go in this i'm out you go in this thing you put in these like special earplugs and then you go in this tank and you close the door and then that's like it you can't see anything you can't hear anything and you just float in this water you can hear the water no well you can hear the water when you're moving around in it but you're supposed to like when you first get in it the guy's like okay what happens to everybody is you're gonna ping pong a lot and i was like nah that's not gonna happen and then as soon as you go in, you're like, I'm moving so much! It's crazy! It's not that big, but you feel

like you're going across a whole ocean and then you hit the one wall, and then you're like, oh no, oh no! Then like two minutes later, you hit the other wall. How big of a tub is it? It's not very big, but it feels so huge when you're in there.

Because all your senses are dead yeah and what about what about um taste oh yeah i accidentally had some water in my mouth and it was really salty salty and gross there's the verdict right there yeah how long were you in this for uh you go in there for an hour and a half what yeah that's so long. Yeah. Didn't you get bored? It felt like five hours. Like there were points where I was like, I don't know. Like I have no idea how much time is left. It could be a minute. It could be I've only been in here for a minute.

I have no idea how long I've been in here. Yeah. Okay. It's pretty crazy. So you're alone with your thoughts basically. Did you fall asleep? I kind of did at a point. But then you drown.

No, you don't. You can't. What? Oh, you can drown in an inch of water, man. Yeah, that's true. But you'd have to flip over. But if you were lying on your back, you'd just float. Yeah, but I sleep on my stomach.

Yeah, but you're not supposed to. Yeah, but I can't help how I sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't... Can you bring a partner in there and spoon with them? Yeah, absolutely. No. Oh.

Can you bring like a pool noodle with you? Yeah, there is one. Because, because they said, if you've never done this before, you're going to hurt your neck. Because your head is way back. Like it's not supported by anything. No. So they're like balanced.

So I did. I put that, I used the pool noodle the noodle yeah and here's the thing that happened with with my float that's you know what would be the best pool noodle uh for a pillow ravioli yeah absolutely You okay? I'm fine. I just went, Ravi, I'm okay. The guy said, like, when there's five minutes left, some music will come on in the tank. Yeah. It'll let you know, like, you have five minutes to exit the tank, and then you have ten minutes to shower and everything. Yeah.

It's urging you to commit suicide. So you're waiting for this music at a point, right? You're like, because I have no idea. You have no, that was the craziest part. You have no sense of time. And there were parts where I was like wiggling around in the water like, I'm bored. I don't want to do this anymore.

And it turns out that the music thing was broken and so myself and the the other lady who is in the tank next door we didn't hear the music so we were in there for an extra like 40 minutes no and the guy was knocking on the door and you couldn't you got these earplugs in so he's knocking knocking knocking on the door you can't hear anything is he not allowed to get in doors locked yeah so he's knocking on the doors and like but like at first you're not hearing anything and then i could hear this knocking but it sounded like it was a million miles away so i was like oh that must be somebody knocking on the front door of the business on the cellar door and it and like he was knocking and knocking and he's like when i came out he was like oh like did you guys not hear the music we're like there was no music and because there's some

glitch or whatever right so what i when i was like man this seems like longer than an hour and a half it was way longer so, who does this? I don't know. Like, was someone else late for, like, because you were in there so long, someone was late for their appointment? I've gotta be! Yeah. I have a very strict no sense schedule I need to keep up.

How much does it cost? For the introductory thing, I think it was like 50 bucks to do. If you are a local business and you want us to try your dumb thing. Yeah, I'll do it. We'll do it for free. Yeah. Like if you, like we, I did the juice cleanse for a day.

That's right. For a day. Almost a day. But yeah, so it was like, I don't know. It was a neat thing to do. Did you have any grape? Poupons? Revelations?

That's what I was hoping for because I thought... Like a vision quest? Yeah, I thought you were going to see stuff. You do actually see a lot of colors because your senses are trying so hard to pick up something. And they tell you that when you go into it. They're like, all your senses will go into overdrive just trying to pick things up so you do start seeing colors that aren't there yeah because your your eyes are like there must be some sort of something smelling your own upper lip

it's yeah but then it dries you out man because you're like sitting in salt yeah yeah what is it what happens to your body you've been sitting in a salt my bucket was like dry for days i did not like it i read up on this online and i was fascinated by the float house yeah um did you think it was something different but i thought you were on like a water bed like i didn't think you were actually in the water oh you're in the water yeah do they dump the water after every soak. The whole thing drains and is filtered and then water comes back in. Because that's the law. I feel like $50 is a bit steep

to be like, try it. I don't know. It seems like a lot of stuff surrounding it. I feel like the cost of that bathtub alone is $50. Yeah, but I didn't buy the bathtub. That's not my problem. I'm there as a new consumer.

That's true. So hook me with something. I'm sure there will be Groupons. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that's something that they'll Groupon for sure. But it's, yeah, it's like, I don't know. I think it was pretty good. Were there other people? Like, did you see any of the other clientele?

Yeah, it was me and one other lady. It was the only appointment that they had was 8 in the morning. What was this lady's deal uh she was the if it had not been for her i would not have thought to use the uh pool noodle because she said the last time i did this i ended up with a severe neck injury i was like i was like what the fuck happens in these tanks but i'm back because they invented the ravioli yeah and and afterwards she like man oh man she had had the greatest time of her life i don't know i think she might have been doing something there i wasn't because she was using the noodle yeah pooling some noodles because she was awfully chipper right and i was more like you know like oh dry dry feel real dry and she was the opposite yeah yeah yeah sorry mr and mrs clark uh do you

ever yeah like 90 minutes seems like a lot they should like the introductory offer should not only be cheaper it should be like hey 25 minutes yeah it's like try it out because i don't know if you ever but it takes do something unnatural it 20, like 15, 20 minutes to settle down. Stop ping ponging. And also to get used to the fact that you're just like floating in a thing. And then you go through periods where you're like, where you don't realize that you've just been floating in there. It's super dark and it's like you're in outer space. And then you feel the water.

You're like, the water's too cold. It's kind of all over the map you know so i don't know who the people are who could just like you were a bathing suit nope nude bro really yeah yeah it's uh it's like all you can't even wear jewelry in there it has to be... So I have to take off all my chains. What about your hemophiliac bracelet? I put it right... I hung it where the pool noodle was. So yeah. That's what I did. That was weird.

I'm going to try it. I'm going to do it. No, I mean like later, but maybe. But it is like... It's an interesting enough thing to do so that you can – like when people mention it, that you're like, oh, yeah. I got to do that again. No, it's a super interesting thing. But like the guy – the guy was trying to upsell me on it.

The owner? Yeah, like on a – and I was like was before we even went in i was like he's like because you know people need more than one i'm like if i don't like one so not gonna yeah get another one you know we'll decide this after but i was too freaked out by the not music starting i was like i could have been there all day yeah yeah what if there was like you got cooked in there yeah from salt like what do you know how they they make um salmon and they just cover it like gravlax. It's just raw salmon with salt on it.

So imagine your body's being gravlaxed. Yeah. And you know what else is weird? When you walk outside, everything is super loud. And bright? Well, not as bright because it was really still

only like 9.30 in the morning. But it was so much done. It was like, oh, it's so loud out here. Yeah, you really get in touch with fucking whatever. Yeah, whatever, man. How loud the city is. Do you want to move on to overheards? Sure.

Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the host of NPR's Bullseye. And I'm Jordan Morris, another guy. Jordan and I have been friends for a really long time, and we co-host the comedy podcast Jordan and Jesse Go together. Jordan, what would you say Jordan and Jesse Go is all about? Well, it's about funny stories, crazy ideas, swearing. So basically nothing. Yeah, nothing, but we always have fun and funny celebrity guests from the worlds of comedy, television, music, everything.

I think you're actually going to like being radio friends with us. Yeah. Check out Jordan, Jesse, go online at MaximumFun.org or free in iTunes or your favorite podcatcher. Overheard. Overheard. Now, this is a segment which people... No, Graham. Yes, sir.

Do you want me to interrupt you? No, no. Okay. Let's just move right through. And now. Graham. Yes. Did you want me to interrupt you?

No, no. No, I'm good. Thank you, though. Okay. Go ahead. We like to start our overheard segment with the guest. Okay. Now, you, just before we did it, you were like.

I got nothing. I'm garbage. Yeah. Put me up by got nothing. I'm garbage. Put me up by the curb. I'm done. Really self-deprecating. But I do have a little something. It's kind of like an overheard. A little something something?

I got a little something something. So I was flying with WestJet to and from Toronto. A whole group lot. WestJet. And I was on one of their new airplanes. Oh, I'm not familiar. Oh, no TVs on the new airplanes. Oh, boy.

It's like we're going backwards. Get this. It's like we're going backwards. It's like a sensory deprivation chamber. They are putting televisions on the new WestJet airplanes. Instead, what you can do, what I heard was when I got in a fight with a flight attendant, was she's like, well, we're not doing TVs anymore. And I said, well, I should have known that before I got on a four and a half hour flight.

Yeah, yeah. With nothing but a muffin. To read. To read. You're going to read your muffin leaves? I'm going to read my muffin. And I can't even eat it if I'm reading it. And I'm going to read your muffin leaves. I'm going to read my muffin. And I can't even eat it if I'm reading it. And I'm really hungry.

So what I hear her say to another person, I didn't get this info. She said it to the woman in front of me who also said there's no TVs. It's like, everyone's going to see this. Make an announcement. Yeah, yeah. And she said, well, you know, soon you'll be able to just rent a tablet or bring your own. And by tablet, she means an iPad. Yeah.

Soon you'll be able to just rent a tablet or bring your own. And by tablet, she means an iPad. Yeah. They're just assuming that one day everyone will have iPads and that you can then rent the Wi-Fi signal that all planes will soon have. Right. And then you can download movies and videos there. But I can do that. I can download it on my own. Yeah.

Dime. I can do bad all by myself. Yeah. I don't. That is is fucking ridiculous and i got really angry and so i went on twitter and i said a little something like hey how about less jokes and more in-flight entertainment and then west jet wrote me back being like actually that's how things are gonna be from now on real stern whoa so like it or lump it like it or take care of canada uh because those are your only two options in canada um but the woman next to me uh and uh we started chatting about like how ridiculous this was and then the man behind her leaned in and went isn't it nuts and i was like it is nuts and then before you knew it there was a real triangle of dialogue happening at like 22c and 22d

and 23d and we just spent the whole time gabbing wow so that's i i think that you know that is a misstep that is a bad call uh then they have been how does that cost them like having tvs is it a big expense for them i don't think i think it's like one of these things where it was like, you guys, like you're right if you had done it 10 years from now when everybody does have tablets, like where it's so commonplace. But not everybody has them. It's too elitist now. Well, and it's also it was. Yeah, it was just that's's not – because they don't do – there's like airlines in Europe that only do these kind of like 40-minute flights between countries. They're just basically like being on a city bus, right?

Like there's nothing. Yeah, it's literally first come, first serve. Yeah, you just – there's no assigned seating. There's no televisions. There's no nothing. But that's fine because you're only – Because it's only a short time and everyone in Europe is already civilized. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right? Well, not in terms of like. Shout out to the Slovenian listeners. Maybe shower a couple more times a week. I just, yeah, I think that's. I like when you write a snide comment to somebody, a company on Twitter and they write you back. Oh, yeah. I had that with Target Canada.

You did? Yeah. Getting into virtual fights? Yeah, because they said, they were like, we're hiring people. And I was like, will your wages be competitive

with the businesses you're no doubt running under? And they wrote back. They were like, our wages are competitive and we offer, you know, a proper... I mean, they're taking over and we offer, you know, a proper. They're taking over Zellers.

So. Yeah. They'll be the same. Yeah. And then, I don't know. I made another snide comment back, but I didn't get a, I didn't get, I didn't get a real ping pong. It really gets, it's very exciting to like start something. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Or if, if like a celebrity ever notices that you tweeted about them. That happened to you, right? Wasn't there somebody? Oh yeah. Mr. Bigris noth chris noth yeah uh what did you do oh i tweeted something i think i mentioned this like months ago uh then that show the carrie diaries yeah yeah i think i tweeted that it's weird that uh he he plays uh young young Carrie's girlfriend or boyfriend. And he wrote me back. He wrote me and said, yeah, it's weird because it's not true.

Yeah, right? Not fun. Yes and, Chris Knoth. Yes and. You know who I have regular communication with is the Twitter guy from TransLink. Oh, okay, yeah. Because I wrote to him once, and he was so nice when he wrote back. He's like, I'm really sorry that the bus is late. I can look up the next one for you.

And then I was like, hey, do you want to follow me on Twitter? And now whenever a bus is late, I write, and he explains why. It's great. That's a cool job to have. Like, someone is in charge of just dealing with Twitter. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, the Shaw, the internet and cable company around here. They do Twitter help.

So if like you have technical problems and you don't want to wait on hold for two hours, you can. You can tweet it. Tweet them up. Didn't the president of CBC just like become the head of Twitter? Now she's running Twitter, which to me. Don't ask her about getting verified. That's the one thing she said. Really?

Yeah, yeah. I feel like who has to run Twitter? Like isn't it – don't you have to just look online? It's there and be like, all right. Well, I think that's – I think like there's – The fail whale is not up. There's, you know, isn't there like – Well, they have to make Twitter music fail.

Yeah, absolutely. Someone has to be in charge of making that tank oh lord Dave do you have an over mine is also semi-virtual and this is weird

because this is an overseen and I actually took a picture of it and I posted it on the internet, and BuzzFeed posted my picture on their thing. They just did a little story. I love BuzzFeed. And it was a...

I love Bugsfeet. It's a sequel to A Bug's Life. It's a sequel to A Bug's Life. Abby and I were both – we had our laptops out on the couch and we weren't really paying attention to the fact that – You guys were on a WestJet flight. We were – the TV was on and I turned it to the Bachelorette because that is like the lowest channel. I was like, oh, I'll start at this channel and just keep going up. And then got distracted and then we weren't paying attention. And then she looked up. And you know how

on the screen on some of these shows they will have live tweets from people? On the bottom third. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of the tweets was, and Abby spotted this and started laughing, and so I took a picture of it.

Bachelorette Nation speaks out. This tweet was, I wish the tweets at the bottom of the screen would go away on The Bachelorette. Hashtag no one cares. And they put that on the show? They put that on The Bachelorette. I love it. Oh, that's great. And BuzzFeed picked that up?

Yeah. Well, I mean, that is a gem. a jam you found a jam yeah it doesn't take much um i i'm fascinated by those bottom thirds because uh on 30 rock for a while they would did it as a they did it as a spoof right of like shows coming up and it was like spinoffs but But now I'm noticing it more and more that TV shows are being disrupted on the bottom third of the screen with like advertising pop-ups commercials. Yeah. You can't watch credits at all anymore. That's, that's off the table.

Like if, so if you're watching a cartoon and you're like, whose voice is that? And then you wait till the end, it's going to go so you can't read it. And then it spins fast. Yeah. Or like if they show a movie on TV oh forget it because that's way more credits yeah I was watching the very end of footloose oh close yeah and like there's a fine day Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney are

two single parents and they have one heck of a day it was a fine day it was well it became a fine day it did not start oh i bet it didn't yeah opposites attract do they end as single parents or are they double parents oh i don't i don't know how parenthood works they end they end as a double as double love but the children are dead both children children died. Weird twist. But you want to, that's the thing. Watching Footloose. They're playing Footloose at the end of the movie. You want to listen to it.

Yeah. You put in an hour and 20 minutes just to hear that song. Don't zip the whole credits by while I'm listening to. Is that the one that goes. I know. Was it the new Footloose? No. Oh oh but they do the same thing in the new one yeah they do the same dance they fight for dance yeah and uh is there actually a character named louise in that movie there's a character named kevin footloose it was weird that they cast a guy named kevin bank he wouldn't respond to anything but kevin like his original

name was andrew and every time they said andrew He wouldn't respond to anything but Kevin. His original name was Andrew and every time they said Andrew he wouldn't look. And they're like, just change it to Kevin. Kevin, Kevin Footloose. Found and downed. Footloose. You guys are going to get sued for that. It's fine.

By the law firm of Loggins and Messina. Oh, they did Afternoon Delight. Didn't they? I'm gonna find my baby. No, I know the song. They didn't, though.

They didn't? I don't think they did. Who did that? Oh, Jefferson Airplane. No. No. I don't know. Starline Vocal Band?

Starline Vocal Band. Yeah. That's my favorite airline. My Overheard comes courtesy of uh public trans pt um there was a gentleman who got on the bus and recognized a friend of his or maybe a guy he'd worked with one day yeah maybe enemies but uh shouted at him from way like when he was getting on the bus the guy that he recognized was sitting at the very back of the bus. And he was like, hey, how's it going?

Right? Yelling. Faux pas. Yeah. Especially in Vancouver. No one talks on transit. He's like, hey. He's screaming.

Hey, buddy, you working? And his friend, you know, didn't like, come over here and we'll talk about it. Didn't wave him over. Said, yeah, working over here and we'll talk about it. Didn't wave him over. Said, yeah, working and jerking off. I was like, I don't know if that's a phrase, but... Jerking hard or hardly jerking? Working and jerking off. it was not what i expected working for the week working yeah buddy yeah you know me working jerking off i i admire men like

that who are or women yeah yeah who are just like man fearless yeah other people's opinions of me none of my business yeah exactly i don't care what you well they're not so much fearless as oblivious to fear oh yeah that's true but isn't that fearlessness not knowing that fear is there i guess so yeah in its own way but you know what uh roosevelt was wrong we got a lot to fear yeah including fear itself yeah fear fear itself is just leading the charge oh man that's a great that's a great bus to be on it was for about for that 10 seconds and then diminishing returns for the rest of the ride who does that guy then have to sit next to oh yeah yeah hey i Yeah. Hey, I jerk off a lot. Might have I sit here.

I might jerk off at one point. I don't know. But they were both. It calls me. It was like. It's my muse. They were both very. They were both very like guys who had real like real jobs, you know, like covered in paint and splatter and cement dust.

Like splatter. Yeah. Splatter. Jerking off, buddy. One and cement dust. Splatter? Splatter. Jerking off, buddy. One or the other. Where again? Jerking off. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from around the world. Oh, what a blessing.

I know. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it to spy at maximumfund.org. And this first one comes from Scott S. in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Minneapolis, right? The evil twin. Yeah, that's right. I was in an airport yesterday and I was standing behind a businessman talking on his phone. Jim, wait.

Are you saying that you're going to terminate this guy? Employment-wise? Which I like. You're not murdering this guy, right? Actually, I don't know how murderers talk. That's true. I guess hitmen. I mean, hitmen are murderers. Don't hitmen kind of say, like, I'm going know how murderers talk. That's true. I guess hitmen. I mean, hitmen are murderers, but.

Don't hitmen kind of say, like, I'm going to. I'm going to do the job. Do the job. Yeah, I'm going to take them out. I'm going to jerk off. They can't say the thing because, you know. Well, they shouldn't be just talking about it on the phone. Exactly.

Yeah, that's hitmen uno a uno. Yeah, I'm going to flip his lid. A lot of stuff is written on a napkin and then passed across the table. Oh, no, you never write anything down. Oh, shoot. According to James Fry? Franco? No, the guy.

David Franco. Who's the guy who wrote the book? John Franco, the pitcher? Whitey Bulger. Yeah, Whitey Bulger. There you go. He's that big mobster who's in the news a bunch. What did he do?

I think he's a mobster. He mobsted. He mobsted? He was guilty of mobsting? He was moving and mobsting? Yep. Yep. Yep.

Look it up. Guys, I'm going through this phase where I'm just following the crime section of Huffington Post. Okay. Oh, is there? I didn't know that that was its own. Yeah, I just read the crime section. So, one, I'm scared. Huffington Post. Oh, is there? I didn't know that that was its own. Yeah, I just read the crime section. So one, I'm scared.

You're going to regret that fun title when you read about all the abductions that are going on. The McGruffington Post. I didn't know that there was just a crime. Yeah, you tell me about it. Oh, it's just ruining my life. Like, don't do it. But every morning I wake up, I go to the iPhone, which I'm not keeping by my bed because I don't want brain cancer. Oh.

I'm trying something new. Do one thing every day that scares you. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying something fun. Saw it on a blog. And I'm just reading the crime section. So I'm just following up on, like, terrible murders and murders and like abductions and crime and just really dark stuff. But it's making it so that when I enter my apartment by myself and my lover isn't home, as I like to refer to him, I'll say things like, I know you're in here.

And if you're going to kill me, I'm ready for it. So you better leave now. And I'll have like fake conversations with people that i think are in my apartment that are going to jump out and kill me why would you say you're ready for it well because that way they'll get scared to deter them thank you because they won't get the jump on her yeah oh i see okay i'm gonna go to the bathroom now and you have three seconds to leave this place otherwise my father who's a cop my dad is not a cop. He's a professor. A lot of criminals listen to this podcast. A lot of people

who hide in closets. And then I give them the opportunity to go, and I won't lock the door when I first come in, which now that I say that, I'm like, well, maybe we'll have a chance to sneak in. While you're on the toilet. While I'm in the toilet, because that's the first thing I do when I go home. The talking lady's home, I know, because I can hear her talking. Look, her system works.

She's alive. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but I live in fear. The movie? I wish. Cape Fear? No fear. With Marky Mark Wahlberg. My cousin and his father, my uncle, did the Pink Panther thing all the time.

You know how like- The burger? panther thing all the time you know how like the burger no like the clue so would have uh his assistant hide on him and like attack him uh at his house to keep him sharp oh yeah and so like my cousin as soon as he saw my uncle coming home would hide somewhere in the house and my uncle would walk in and be like fun I'm not, I don't want to do this today. I don't feel like it. I'm like, because it was just way in the closet. And then just attack my uncle.

This is great. I'm going to do this all the time to people without telling them. Yeah, yeah. Who is it? It's Clouseau and Cato? I haven't seen it. But he's like, there is a scene where Clouseau goes, he's like, I don't want to do this today. And then he comes out just beating the shit out of him. Anyways.

That's like that movie, The Game. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'd love for that to happen to me, but not with all the bad stuff. I know, it seems pricey. More just like the Amazing Race version of it. Doesn't he like crash through a thing and land on like a... Yeah, yeah.

Well, this is a spoiler. Big spoiler. But he ends up on a barge or something. No, no. It's like an inflatable pillow. Oh, that's right. Like he basically commits suicide and they prevent him. Yeah.

Because he thinks he kills his brother. That's right. And then it's like a party you're supposed to enjoy after you've decided to kill yourself. Yeah, and all your friends are waiting but kind of horrified at the choices you've made. Well, they knew you were going to do it. Yeah, that's true. They were counting on it. That you would have a second chance at life.

But so many people, like he's at the party at the end. He's like mixing with these rich people that he's friends with and also like actors. They're like, this is their shitty gig. They got to scare this guy. Basically, they work in a fright house. Part of a scared straight program. Our next one comes from James O. in Chicago, Illinois. Ah, James O-ha from the Smashing Pumpkins.

My friend and I had just finished watching a movie at our local theater and decided to hit the restroom before the drive home. We walked into the empty men's restroom. My friend went into the stall and I took one of the two urinals. Since my friend had walked quickly into the stall, he did not see or hear another guy walk into the restroom directly behind us and take the urinal next to mine. So this is the friend is talking, assuming just the friend is in the room. Friend, over the sound of him urinating in the stall, ah, oh man, look at this. It's like pure butter. Me, no response.

I could not think of a response through the awkwardness, and the other guy did not say a word as my friend kept going. Friend, in a disgust tone. Jesus. Butter, man. Pure butter. Without a word, I washed my hands and left the restroom before my friend had exited the stall to find out there was someone else in the room.

He said he was so embarrassed he could not even look at the guy. Yeah. Pretend you don't know him. That's great. Pretty good. He's not drinking enough water. Yeah.

Like pure butter, man. Or maybe he just had too much butter at the movie. Yeah. Pure butter. Or just the smell. Yeah, maybe. Like when you have asparagus. Yeah.

Yeah. He has butter pea. Ooh. Ooh. You know what? I'd sign, he has butter pea. Ooh. Ooh. You know what? I'd sign up for that. Pea on my potato. I'm thinking more like every time you pee, you smell butter.

Oh, okay. Sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I am. Yeah. Yeah. Sign me up.

Oh, sure. And every time you have a seizure, you smell toast. So if you pee while you have a seizure, you're like, oh, it's breakfast for me? Oh, that's delicious. Is this extra or does this come with the meal? This last one comes from Yocel

Parts Unknown. I'm a consultant and was working in a client's office when I overheard one woman carefully explaining to a small group of people I didn't say, are you a whore? I said, what do you do outside of work?

But your work. Yeah. It's sex money, right? Yeah. Money sex. She's a sex consultant. Yeah. Yeah.

I do some consulting in the bedroom. Yeah. There are people who do that. That's a real job. Can you have sex in the sensory deprivation chamber? One person at a time only, because that was one of the frequently asked questions. Is there a group

tank? Grody. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why anybody would request that, but obviously. I don't know, anybody would request that But obviously I don't know I guess you just want A scissor sometimes You know Ew I'm sorry

I'd take Ew Take that image back It's a pure thing Well it's no image Because there's no light Oh yeah Yeah that's true

What about that woman Who has extra cones In her eyes Do you hear about this woman Who has like extra Color cones Yeah but the You need the

The light But maybe you don't maybe her cones are like for like oh for me she's got extra cones so we have a cone in each of our eyes that lets us see color we have many many cones women have more cones than men that's right well there's a woman that was found that has even more cones than anyone else and apparently she can see like nine million colors wow did we all listen to the same radio lab yeah i know the mantis shrimp i know that that can see more colors than any other creature on earth i didn't hear this radio lab when i just read it i think on buzzfeed was it on buzzfeed making me happy at 9 a.m. The McGruffington Post. We'll never top that.

No, it's true. In the interest of topping that, is that Teen Witch? Yeah. Top that. Top that. Here is some phone calls. If you want to call us with your overheard, it's 206-339-8328. What does that spell?

Nothing. Oh, teet. What does that spell? Nothing. Oh, teet-teet. Oh. Yeah. Hi, guys. This is Lindsay from Maine. This is an overseen. I was driving to work, and there was a car garage right outside there.

And outside there was a, you know that car where they put coffins in and they drive them to the funeral? Curses, yeah. I can't remember the name but it's that but it was painted um red hot red and when it was writing said red hot wife on it okay bye guys it was a okay it was a red hearse red hearse red hearse. Yeah. And the writing in pink said, red hot wife on your hearse. Wow. Yep. Oh, boy.

I love it. That was good. That was my dream as a teenager. To have a cool hearse? Yeah, to drive a hearse. Chris's whole family for generations are funeral directors. Yes, my fiancé are all funeral directors. Right.

And his grandfather started a funeral home in Edmonton, Alberta. Oh, I've never buried him. Connolly McKinley Funeral Homes. I know it. They used to advertise all the time on Country World of Fire. 30 years old. But they all had like hearses and like, I mean, it wasn't like Six Feet Under where like Chris grew up driving a hearse. But his parents grew up in the funeral home.

Wow. We'll go to like, you know, when you see your dad at work or you go to see family and you're like, oh, we're going to go visit him at the office because it's a family business. So we just go to the funeral home. Really? And was he the first in all the generations

that was like, I'm going to go and be a musician? Yeah, he was the, he definitely was the odd man out. Imagine being the odd man out. In a family of. Yeah, like, I'm not going into this. A funeral director. His grandfather, his dad, and his brother are all funeral directors. Wow.

And Chris is not. That is, man, that's got to make some weird, like, Christmas dinners, right? I bet they're, like weird crazy stories there's gotta be oh yeah they have great stories but they also have like really good senses of humor like funeral directors have a very good sense of humor and i think you have to because you're around the opposite all the time that you have to find a little bit of lightness in life i wonder because the one i've only ever met one funeral director and he wasn't he was not he wasn't funny but he was like very jolly. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He was like happy to be here. Yeah. Glad to be alive because I could not be. Yeah. Right side of the sod. Am I right.

Most famous hearses. Oh. Did the Munsters or the Adamsams Family drive a hearse mobile? That's not inconceivable. Isn't there a... Harold and Maude. What was the one movie where there was a guy in the casket and it pops up and he's got a machine gun? Right Said Fred.

Yeah, Drop Dead Fred. Drop Dead Fred. Not Right Said Fred. Teen Witch. Caitlin, you idiot. What movie was that? I don't know that. I don't know.

It could be making that up. Well, I'm sorry we went down this road. Do you know that you can get a kiss coffin? I don't know that. I don't know. It could be making me. Well, I'm sorry. Sorry we went down this road. Do you know that you can get a kiss coffin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they said it's lined so that you can fill it with ice and put beer in it. That's amazing.

Up until when you're dead and then you can put your body in it. I would like a cell phone and a straw with a hole going to the top. Just in case. Okay. So you can text out. Oh, but aren't you worried about brain cancer oh well that's just it like what if i'm what if i'm brain dead but not like finger dead i can still text anytime brain dead penny poor anytime my phone isn't near my brain it's near my genitals yeah that's true so i just want to sometimes my genitals are close to my brain well Well, they're always on my mind. Maybe that's why WestJet took the TVs out of the back of the headrests.

Oh, because they didn't want people shoving their genitals against the headrests? You can get some real blue stuff on WestJet TV. You really can't. You really can't. It's just television. We saw that Kardashian show. Oh, yeah, that's true. Well, that's not the same. Here's your next phone call. It's just television. We saw that Kardashian show. Oh yeah, that's true.

Well, that's not the same. Here's your next phone call. Hey, David Graham, it's Adam from Pittsburgh with an overheard for you. I'm in line at Starbucks. His dad, like 40s, with three younger kids with him. This was probably like seven and then six and then five. And he holds his boy, and he's asking the boy what do you want and he kisses his fingers he like hits his chest and then puts him right up to his dad's face

like i like sammy sosa used to do and went venti black tea lemonade and then his little brother ordered the same ordered something and then did the exact same thing and the dad looked down at them he was like, I don't know which one of you to beat up first. Yeah, I don't like what either of you kids are doing. So what is the hand motion he was doing? It's something Sammy Sose used to do. Oh, I thought he said something that Kaiser Sose used to do.

So I was trying to picture Kevin Sose. Maybe Kaiser Sose did this, like this. Yeah, that's what I thought he was talking about, that he was doing the like... Oh, and then he wanted a venti black tea lemonade? Yeah. I think... It's hard to say. I mean, it's hard to

sound cool ordering anything at Starbucks. Especially if you're seven. Oh, yeah. What's a seven-year-old ordering a black tea for? Yeah. And why venti? Yeah, relax. You know what?

You get it tall. Yeah, and also you get a milk. Yeah, and also go wait outside. Ew. Wait a minute. No, I don't want to see those kids. That's a dog. No, yeah, well, you made a choice.

I don't want to have to listen to it. Look, you can leash the kid. You can leash it. You can't want to have to listen to it. Look, you can leash the kid. You can leash it. You can tie it to a bike rack. I think children should learn independence very young. What happened to Miss Independent? Like Mowgli. You know, from the book.

Yeah, yeah. The Bible. The J book. The J book. Oh, we don't say the J word. We were very modern. We weren't allowed to say the J-word. We were very modern. We weren't allowed to say the J-word. Here's your final overheard.

Jungle. That's the word. Yeah, absolutely. Jungle book. You couldn't watch that movie Jungle to Jungle. Brendan Fraser. No. No.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yeah. Damn it, Caitlin. It's okay. It's okay. You're still good. Screw in the pooch. Hey, Thomas. Yeah. Damn it, Caitlin. It's okay. It's okay. You're still good. I'm really screwing the pooch. Hey, Dave and Graham.

This is Russ calling from Texas with an overheard. But first I want to tell you guys, my wife and I had twins, and we named our son Graham David. And at some point I realized, oh, I named my son the names of both of you. Wow. I don't even care what you ever heard. That's outstanding. I was walking out of an office at the hospital,

and I saw that the down escalator was out of service. And so I turned to walk to the elevators, and this kind of hippie guy in baggy jeans and flip-flops and kind of long curly hair pulled back in ponytail, as he's passing by me says yeah man i'm going for it and proceeds to walk down the up escalator live your dreams yeah yeah i can't believe so did he do that on purpose no inadvertently absolutely you need to go to texas and meet this child. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Got a photo taken with him. Oh, boy.

You think it's the chosen one? Yeah. Yes. They wrote this in the J book. Graham David. Ooh. How does it make you feel, Dave, that you're a middle name? The middle name and that I don't go by David? Yeah.

That's true. Dave's cooler. Yeah. Dave Coulier. Oh, that's true. That's where it comes from. Yeah. Oh, is Dave cool? It's Coulier. that's where it comes from oh is

Dave cool? it's Coolie this kid might end up going by his middle name time will tell my brother goes by his middle name I was looking up a lot of former James Keel so he goes by Keel?

he didn't have a choice I think my parents really pushed it on him as a young child my sister goes by her middle name as well. But I was looking up – I had to do a thing on Canadian prime ministers. And you know Pierre Elliott Trudeau? Love him. He had about six names. Pierre was the third and Elliott was the fifth.

Wow. So he just picked. Sure. If you got that many. I know somebody that has like five or six names. Like somebody that we both know, and I can't remember who it is. Yeah, ditto. They got like a lot of whole rack of names going on.

What's your middle name? Tomas. And you? Glenn. That's nice. G-L-E-N-N? One N, like the boy. Yeah, you're a boy.

Yeah, I got a boy middle name. And a very, name. Huh. And a very... No, I won't. And? No, I was going to say something gross. Come on, just say it. I know your parents are listening, and I've got a very long clit. I didn't think that's what you were going to say.

No, you pushed her. I did. I pushed her. I don't regret it no I do I feel awful again Mr. and Mrs. Clark oh if you could see my cheeks

they're as pink as Dave's shirt right now they're as pink as my clit yeah exactly I'm never going to get out of this gross I would never say that word oh man I'm never going to Kevin Lee this podcast now my middle name is Seaton Gross. I would never say that word. Oh, man, I'm never going to Kevin Lee this podcast.

Now, this- My middle name is Seton. S-E-A-T-O-N. Seton. S-E-A-T-O-N. Seton. Wow. Like eaten. Sorry.

Sorry, we really stopped the channel. You know what I'm eating. Seton. Now, that does bring us to the end of the show. No. Yeah, but. That's what I ended it on? Yeah.

Yeah. What do you have coming up? What do you want to plug? What do you got? Oh, I do a show every Sunday at the Cosmic Zoo, which is at 53 West Broadway here in Vancouver, British Columbia. And you'll be back. You'll be back in the rotation for a while, right?

Back in the swing. Yeah, I was in Toronto, like I said before, for almost a month. So I'm back. Aaron Reed, who's also another member of the service, was gone on tour for a while. He's back. So we're all home. We're all home. Yay.

It's really nice. I love those boys. Where can people find you online? They want to find you. So my Facebook page is Caitlin Howden. And you just sent me a friend request and I'm real loosey-goosey with those. That's not true. You can probably check us out at the website, which is sundayservice.ca.

Yeah. You're on Twitter? I'm on Twitter at Caitlin Howden. That's with a C. Caitlin Howden. Yeah. And I'm working on a website. I've been saying that for four years. CaitlinHowden. That's with a C. Yeah. Caitlin Howden. Yeah. And I'm working on a website. I've been saying that for four years.

CaitlinHowden.com or.tv. Well, it might be a CaitlinHowden.ch. Oh, a Swiss website. Yeah. This is all that was left of it. Actually, where my niche crowd is. Europeans love me. I believe it.

I believe it. Yeah. Actually, I'm really big in Poland. Really? No. Oh. Warsaw. But I go to Warsaw every year to teach improv.

Yeah. Wow. You're bigger than us in Poland. I can hook you guys up. Oh, yeah. We got to go teach improv somewhere. We might have listeners in Poland. If you're a listener in Poland.

Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć.

Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć.

Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć.

Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć.

Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć.

Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. Cześć. C and exactly that's for you wait unless that was a swear in which case that's Caitlin on her own

it's either or I forget which one is hello and which one is thank you Dave Kool yeah good stuff I think

is hello well thank you for being a guest so I guess it's done thank you thank you for being a guest on the show. My pleasure.

Thanks for having me, guys. Thank you. Dave? Here's the thing. Go ahead. We're recording this before it comes out. I believe it's coming out around Canada Day. Sure.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Canada. You earned it. 140-something. Mm-hmm. Maybe. to Canada. Oh, you earned it. 140 something. Mm-hmm. Anyway, the Canadian Comedy Award nominations will be out at this point, and we assume we're nominated for Best Podcast, and you can vote for us at canadiancomedy.ca, as you did last year, if you are a Canadian and have a valid postal code.

That's right. We don't- No cheat-ems. We don't advocate making up a postal code just to vote for us. None of this HOHOH. But also you can vote for your podcast. Yeah, there's a good chance that we'll be nominated for something, so look for

The Sunday Service Presents a Beautiful Podcast. You guys need another award, because I don't remember what happened to you at last one. I was taken away from us violently. By gravity. What happened to your last one? It was taken away from us violently. By gravity.

Yeah. And I've been nominated for the past four years for Best Female Improviser, so I won't be this year. But look for Taz Van Rassel or Ryan Beal. Because those guys are great, too. Absolutely. Graham, anything for you? Well, this is July 1st. Is this coming out?

Yeah. So, Ring-A-Ding-Dong dandy oh yeah featuring uh that's your wrestling themed comedy show where you look at old clips of wrestling you just dissect them you find the funniest moments that's right from uh wrestling in our history and who will be your special guest this week it'll be uh it'll be myself it'll be ryanal, and it'll be wrestling, actual wrestling wrestler star Colt Cabana will be joining us on stage to dissect the wrestling matches as well, so it's going to be great. It's a hot show.

It is going to be a hot show. Kenny Banya. Good chance I'll rip another t-shirt, maybe even two. This happens at Little Mountain Gallery? That's right. Ring-a-ding-dong-dandy do not miss it Main Street

and 26th Avenue in Vancouver and if you like the and up the street from there the best little corner store

you can get all your favorite oh yeah great sodas great sodas Hasty Mart? I don't know what it's called no it's not Hasty Mart

no no no that's way down that's 16th anyway I interrupted you're wrapping it up if you like the show check out uh maximumfund.org look at the uh blog recap that dave does each and every week pictures and videos relating to the content oh sure we'll have some kelly clarkson on there we'll have yeah that uh your one-stop clarkson shop we'll have uh uh that that caterpillar book. Oh, yeah. The caterpillar was so hungry.

He was so hungry. He was so hungry. Paraphrasing. If you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at maximumfun.org or 206-339-8328. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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