Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 281 - Colt Cabana

Episode Date: July 11, 2013

We present this episode out of order due to timely events. Pro wrestler Colt Cabana joins us to talk about a shooting we all witnessed. And also wrestling, of course.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 281 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who death cannot catch, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah. And our guest today, very excited to have this gentleman.

I'm a big fan and we got to do a show together and that was super exciting and he hosts his own podcast called the art of wrestling he's here with us today mr colt cabana hey welcome gentlemen can i say i i mean listen in the world of wrestling you know you kind of you play your cards close to yourself You kind of keep it cool But I think Stop Podcasting Yourself Is like my number one That's not just because I'm here And Grandpa licked my leg And I feel happy about myself

But because I'm so excited And I'm glad it's all I hope It's a three way circle of respect Absolutely Yeah we're having a three wayway circle of respect. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

We're having a three-way. It's going to be very respectful. Yeah, exactly. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I think we should get to know us. Get to know us. So. Get to know us.

So. I'm doing my own Eric Clapton version here. What was that, cocaine? That was Tears in Heaven. Oh, no, it was Unplugged. Oh, I see. Did Eric Clapton invent Unplugged? That's all I associate Unplugged with.

And I guess Nirvana. Nirvana, yeah. Well, I think I remember. Did Blind Melon do an Unplugged? That's all I associate Unplugged with. And I guess Nirvana. Nirvana, yeah. Well, I think I remember... Did Blind Melon do an Unplugged? Yeah, I had a best of Unplugged CD, and there was a little story about Unplugged. And there was one of the first bands that did it that totally didn't get it was Squeeze. Tempted by the fruit of an apple. Oh, yeah. That wasn't Squeeze. I think Eric Clapton fruit of a... Oh, yeah. That wasn't Squeeze.

I think Eric Clapton read that one, actually. And they, in their little write-up, said, we knew it was kind of a confusing concept for people when Squeeze showed up with only electric guitars. Yeah, like if Kraftwerk did it unplugged, then it's all just like pianos. You know, the original the original unplugged are in chicago i like to think these are the original unplugged are the little uh bucket boys the three

year old bucket boys in chicago outside of wrigley field they play buckets have you guys ever seen live bucket boying and or have you even ever youtubed bucket boying you you are saying a word yeah you're saying a word. You told us a thing and then you turned it into a verb. Yeah. Bucket boying. Yeah, it was bucket and then it was bucket boying, which then makes me think about floating, right? Like if you're boying.

Yeah, boy. Little kids of the African-American persuasion, for the most part, not allowed to say that? I mean, I don't know that it takes a lot of persuading. Not allowed to say that? I mean, I don't know that it takes a lot of persuading. Okay. They are taught at the age of one to turn a bucket around, put it down in between their legs, grab two drumsticks, and then just play the buckets. And then usually there's seven of them lined up next to each other, and it's the most beautiful music live theater ever. This is like a busking thing.

Yeah, there's usually... You've got to pass the hat. Yeah. Well, a bucket. Oh, yeah. They use buckets for everything. Some people just see a bucket as a bucket, but these kids see it as an instrument, a money collection thing, a hat, probably.

They all put them on their heads at the end of the show. They're KFC buckets let me join uh guns and roses briefly yeah chicken holders um so they're they're the original unplugged in my mind yeah oh wait i just realized the kfc thing might sound racist i meant it in terms of bucket head the guitar player i i didn't i didn't think it sounded racist until you said it. Yeah, no. So, you know, it's been a – we all were involved in a crazy incident. Guys, I have got an overheard. To kind of set the stage for listeners, the other night after the wrestling show that Colt was a guest on, Dave was attending in the audience. You can't call the rest.

This is your baby. The Ring-a-Ding-Dong Daddy. There it is. Thank you. There was a shooting right outside of the Little Mountain Gallery. Yeah. And our friend Dave here was one of the gentlemen that was shot at. Well, I mean, this episode 281, I think I might even like skip the line.

We're pre-taping a bunch of episodes for the summer. So I think we might even just release this after episode 276 that just came out. But I kind of like it because, you know, then in Stop Podcasting Yourself, lore will be like, oh, like, do you know that 281 came out after 276? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and there'll be 281 shirts. Yeah, and there will be a lot of, like, prequels stuff in here.

Yeah, yeah. We'll refer to things people haven't heard yet. Yeah, absolutely. So people might have heard this on the news, and, like, someone posted it on our Facebook group, I hope you guys are okay. And in case people were wondering what any of that was, on the day of July 4th. Yeah, happy birthday, America. A day that I spent being made fun of on our Facebook group by people who should worship me.

by people who should worship me. Later that night, we had this show, the Ring-a-Ding-Dong Dandy, and afterwards, there was a shooting outside. A guy who nobody knew. It was a random attack. Yep. A real John Wilkes Booth.

As the show was exiting, and there were like 50 people leaving, like standing outside the Little Mountain Gallery. A thousand. There was a thousand. Were there a thousand people there? I believe it's referred to as a capacity crowd. Okay, that was it. I mean, a lot of people had already left because it was really hot in there.

Due to the jokes being hilarious. Yeah. Yeah. Due to the jokes being hilarious. And a guy ran out into the crowd and then fired twice and then a third time and killed himself. Yeah. So, I mean, what I, you know, I didn't see it. And so what I heard was he shot at two random people. Yeah. And then he took his then he tried to take his life.

And sorry, I'm guiding this. Yeah, you were there. I mean, so forever, I had a couple people in mind, and then today I come here, and to find out I had no clue that one of the two people was you. I was going to say that blows my mind, but that would be a bad. Can we joke? How does this work?

Well, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm okay with joking about me. Yeah. And what I went through, I like, I mean, this guy was mentally ill.

Like, I don't really want to joke about him. Yeah. Yeah, but, yeah, I heard the two shots. Yeah, I still haven't talked to anyone who saw it. I've only talked to people who've heard it or my friend Pat, who was right next to me when it happened. But OK, the way I saw it and the way I told the cops, my friend Pat and I, and Pat is one of my best friends from when I was like six years old.

Guys love Transformers. We still do. We still hold on to that. That was the one thing we got together. You should have seen Graham's face when he said that about Pat. Graham's just real sad over here. Real pouty. Yeah. Though We were friends.

My best friend of all. We saw the show together. And what a show, am I right? Yeah, what a fun show. The capacity crowd on their feet. On their feet the whole night. It was standing room only. They had to get more chairs. Yeah, because we kept

breaking them over each other's heads. And we so Pat and I were leaving the show and we were walking together and then we realized that we were going in different directions. He was parked one way and I was parked the other way. So we stopped

in the middle of the street to say goodbye. Shook each other's hands. A cop car went by with its sirens blaring. And about 10 seconds later, this guy ran out of an alleyway. I thought he was being chased by the cops. That was my natural assumption because he looked like a weirdo. He was hiding something in his shirt. and I didn't know what it was. Later, I found out he wasn't being chased by the cops.

He got out of a car and ran into the crowd. And the thing that he was hiding in his shirt was a gun. So it wasn't the Maltese Falcon. It was a MacGuffin. I thought you were going to say Maltesers. Oh, yeah. It wasn't a box of Maltesers. That'd be delicious.

He was hiding a nerd's rope. And he walked up to me, and I didn't recognize him, but I had a bad feeling about him just because I assumed he had just stolen something. And he walked right up to me and said, hey, how's it going? And took what turned out to be a gun out and put it up to my head, point blank. I didn't realize it was a gun right away. And my initial reaction was to flinch because it's a guy trying to touch my head like it's a my a lifetime of avoiding wet willies

so it came like it's it came so quick at you that like you kind of only saw the side of his head is that like the vision of it no i mean how do you not see a gun as it comes right he was so close and he just lifted like lifted it up from he had had it covered at his side, lifted it up to my forehead. And I saw that it was a gun at that point, but I was still confused. I was like, I don't see guns. This can't be real. Like me. I don't see race.

Unlike our friend Cole. You've never seen the Bucket Boys play. And he held it up to my head. Didn't hold it up to my head. Just like one motion. Put it up to my head. And I flinched. And he fired it at the same time.

It's all like within a second. Then he fired two for flinching. Don't joke. We've got to get the facts right. Oh, man. The man's been shot over here. If the cops were trying to piece this together. All right.

We want you guys riffing. Yeah. That's I feel like like that's my job during the during the storyline. Gallows humor. Yeah. So he fires it at my head point blank range i duck and i run away like it's so loud it's ringing in my ear i i felt something on my forehead and um uh i ran i turned the corner i I ran halfway down Main Street, I heard two more shots,

and then I felt my head to see if there was any blood, and there wasn't. There wasn't a head either. Yeah, it was like one of those cartoon moments where, like, Yosemite Sam's feeling around, it's just, uh, feeling around. It's just, yeah, there's a pair of eyeballs and in a real men in black fashion. He just, it all started coming back. I shalooved it. Um, and then, uh, so I, I turned around cause I, I judging by the sound of the other shots,

I didn't think I was being chased. Now, Dave, when I was like eight years old, I would always picture getting shot at, and I'd be like, oh, I see the bullet, and then I move quickly. But the reality is that's not happening. But that happened to you. You saw the bullet and moved, and it didn't hit you. In Matrix time. You're right. You bent over backwards is what I heard.

Yeah, I didn't see the bullet. That's for sure. I saw the barrel. I couldn't tell you what I saw first. My friend Pat was standing next to me. Best friend, Pat. Yeah. And he saw the guy's eyes.

He's like, oh, that guy's shooting at me. Because the guy made eyes like the guy. He's like, oh, that guy's shooting at me because he's the guy made eye contact with him. I didn't have that, but I felt something on my head and I ran. And so no one was chasing me. And I looked around and everyone was standing on the street just staring. And I walked back towards the scene and the guy was lying on the ground and I didn't go near him. towards the scene and the guy was lying on the ground and i didn't go near him but everyone was confused like i haven't talked to anyone still who saw all three shots yeah i only saw the one yeah i was lucky enough that i didn't see you didn't see the one i saw the one the main one the main event well i mean to you there's a different main one yeah absolutely yeah exactly but yeah i that's i was inside um

the gallery and then i heard the two shots and i turned around and saw the third shot and then uh ran outside which is not the thing yeah me i hid in the corner and i couldn't believe that people were like just standing people were standing out, hovering over him, checking on him. And you were one of the people, as I got the gall, 250-pound pro wrestler, as I got finally the nerves to peek out the window a little bit, I'm thinking that there's just riflemen and people everywhere and shooting. It's like gangland style something. And to see people

out in the streets just checking it out that was mind-blowing to me you being one of them yeah which is not smart it's not smart it's uh uh i went out and then uh gentleman who was at the show was like oh you should have come come back in because we don't know how many guns there are or if he's got like a bomb strapped to him or something yeah and uh so i but then i realized nobody was calling the cops so i called the cops and i told them what had happened and then they came very quickly um but yeah and then hung out near the guy to see what was going on but and it was weird like no one knew like it was just i wasn't scared i I was so confused.

Oh, everybody was. Because there was some woman who said, oh, it's a fake. That was a cap gun. And then everybody, I think everybody kind of thought, yeah, this must be a fake thing. There's no way that happened. Other people that I've talked to, I was like, oh, this happened outside a comedy show. They were like, oh, you must have thought it was one of the bits. You must have thought.

People have such a bad idea of what comedy is. It's like, this isn't Tony and Tina's wedding. I did kind of think, though, that it might have been something because it was the Fourth of July and it was... That's what I put together was, especially, I was gone on the Fourth of July. I was born on the Fourth of July. Yeah, where's my parade? 4th of July. I was born on the 4th of July. Yeah, where's my parade?

And, yeah, you know, but my first, I'm not even thinking, at that moment, I'm not even thinking that I'm in Canada on America's birthday. I'm just thinking, oh, yeah, of course, every year for the past 33 years, this is what happens on 4th of July. So that's kind of what was in my head. Yeah, and also... And Canada doesn't have guns or violence. What are you guys doing?

That's true. Mostly arm wrestling based crimes. We'll settle this on the table. I mean, we have that one guy. Wolverine used to live here and he used to get in a lot of scraps. Snicked, snicked, he would say. Hurts every time, he says. Yada, yada, yada, bub.

But here's a, like, you know... Okay, so I... Dave, we're very glad that you're alive. Well, I met up, I started talking to... Especially your best friend, Pat. Yeah. And Pat beat cancer earlier this year, and then... To a pulp, I heard.

And like a couple months later, was almost shot. Yep. So he and I, the next day, we went out and bought lottery tickets together. Yep. We're still waiting for the draw. Become a crime-fighting duo. Yep. So he and I, the next day, we went out and bought lottery tickets together. Yep. We're still waiting for the draw. Become a crime-fighting duo. Yep. And so I went and I talked to the cops, and I was like, yeah, I felt something on my head.

And the guy was like, the guy looked at it, and he's like, oh, yeah, there's some blood there. Like, did he pistol whip you or something? Like, no, he fired the gun at my head. And he's like, oh, you were grazed by a bullet. Yeah. Wow. he he fired the gun at my head and he's like oh you were grazed by a bullet yeah wow and uh so like another inch and i'd be uh i like i can picture it would have ruined your hair dude well i would the cops were like super serious on the street taking my statement but then they're

like okay let's wait in the car and then it was like if you need it it's fine if you want to joke about let's podcast they said yeah it did become very like uh the gallows humor kind of set in really quickly like i noticed that they put us you know everybody had seen something over to one side and there was a lady who showed up whose car was in the crime scene and she just became like the most hilarious because she she's walks up to the cop still the body on the ground and uh this lady just says like oh uh my car is just in the uh can i can i just sneak yeah can i just get her cars parked next to the suspect's car and the the cop whose whose name was officer butterman and all of his friends was called we're calling him butters um he butters yeah they were like butters you got to tape off this uh and everybody was laughing there was like oh butters this is great and then the lady said uh like the cop said this is a crime scene i'm sorry can't let you in um

to get your car and uh she goes yeah but i just got off work and like i was like yeah no i i understand that but uh still a crime scene and then she like goes and like lifts up the yellow tape and he's like ma'am like and she just couldn't it was it was fascinating like she just couldn't yeah yeah like that's somebody whose life really revolves around yeah that's a like an unbelievable selfish self-centered person yeah well there was a the when i was hanging out with the cops i had to hang around for a long time because they had to photograph my head because they were like there's blood on your head and and uh it'll look great in court if this guy survives it'll be an attempted murder case and i'm like oh like it's you have these weird feelings when

you're like oh i don't know if i want this guy to live like i yeah i feel bad i'm like like i i've never rooted for someone not to live you know what i mean yeah but it's like i i in that moment yeah it it was very and uh it was very like it was all very crazy like that was the thing it was all very crazy and so i think it's like one of those survival instincts right you start making jokes about things to make it less. I assume that's all of our lives. Yeah. Because we just, you know, when I got, not to make this about me, but when I got fired from the WWE in my dream job, you know, actually, so I got fired from the WWE and it was my dream job, right? That's the only thing I wanted to do. What were you at WWE, like an accountant or a wrestler?

You were a wrestler? Yes. Oh, okay. But my name was Scotty Goldman. Oh, yeah. So it kind of, I could see it,

Goldman, Goldman, and Sax. We were getting to that before I got fired. But one of the first things, actually, Mick Foley is doing stand-up. Right, yeah. You know, he does stand-up now

and he asked me to kind of come along and do stand-up with him and I don't say i do stand-up because i have too much respect for stand-up comedians but i went and told my wrestling stories and made some wrestling jokes and um i mean half of my set if not all of it was just making fun of scotty golden which i just did making fun of the character making fun of the whole circumstance and the reality is is like i'd you know at that time i would have given anything to be back in the wb been successful but like when they took it away from me like my first my first instinct was just like i gotta make fun of everything and have jokes and jokes to keep

myself sane yeah were you did you pick the character do you think i would have picked scotty i don't know the scotty the rabbiath. I don't know. But do some wrestlers get to pick their character? Some do. But back in the day, but this day and age, they kind of have a whole machine. They're just churning out guys and handing out Jewish characters. Sure, yeah. Like it's nothing. There was a documentary, one of the kind of popular wrestling documentaries and there's a

scene where vince mcmahon is talking to a guy whose thing he can do is puke on command oh you speak of beyond the mat beyond the mat of course and uh and uh so vince mcmahon assigns him the name he's like you're just gonna be puke like that's gonna be your character the best part of that is they're in the office yeah they, they're in a classy boardroom. The movie, it's documenting and Vince is announcing he's going to puke, he's going to puke and the whole thing is he's like, alright, puke.

Take this bucket and puke in it. And so puke's trying to puke in the bucket. Full circle. Bucket boy. He's trying to bucket boy this thing. And he can't do it. He couldn't do it yeah yeah absolutely got stage stomach uh anyway so back to uh uh thursday night yes back to reality uh uh so you uh so afterwards uh the like the ambulance took the guy away yeah uh and then um like uh i remember thinking uh like the last tweet i sent was about

testicles yeah and i was like oh that could have been my last tweet ever it's like i had these dark thoughts but i also had like oh i just ordered some pants online today i'm never gonna get i almost would never meet those pants yeah it's amazing what parts of your life flash by my pants my tweets um uh and then so like i i you know emailed it was 11 o'clock at night so i emailed my family and i was like if you see me on tv i'm fine i didn't want to wake you guys up at this hour but if anyone says they saw me, don't worry about me. I'm fine. And I was hanging out with the cops, and they were great, and I texted my wife.

Officer Butters? Oh, yeah. Me and Butters. I texted my wife, oh, the cops are super nice. And then I realized that's something on Chappelle's show that show that like a white guy would say yeah yeah yeah um there was uh uh you were i assume you were taking the station in a squad car yeah uh all of us i saw you yeah they commandeered a city bus and uh which was that like it just automatically everything became hilarious because uh like all these people were all filed onto the bus.

And then just some dude with a backpack also tried to get on. And then we went and take all the way out to Burnaby. So out of Vancouver, the main police station is right at the very edge of town. Yeah. And we're riding and like nobody knew where we were going and it's kind of like a 20 minute drive or whatever and then uh just before the police station somebody rang the bell on the bus and everybody just burst out laughing and the cop that was on the bus was like hey i was surprised it took that long did the cops tell you not to talk to each other yeah we couldn't talk to each other about what we saw.

So then everybody tried to make dumb small talk. I think it'd be funny if you're like, that baseball game was crazy when the guy fell down on the ground and was bleeding unbelievably. Wink at it, wink at it, wink at it. Yeah, unbelievably. Wink at it, wink at it, wink at it. But you know what was one of the – because a lot of the people that were on the bus with me were people from the ECCW that came down to watch the show and were like fans of yours. And a lot of them were really bummed out that they couldn't buy a T-shirt. They were all – yeah, they were.

And then we saw you driving by and they were like, no, we're really not going to get a t-shirt. And I did. I guess I didn't want to say it, but I did make the joke. Like, in the heat of you almost losing your life, Dave, I was like, oh, man, I'm not really going to get Sony DVDs now. But that's – it was. It's that – it is that, like, you know, coping. No, that was the Jewish part of me that came out. Goldman! I need that money.

Yeah, and so, like, yeah, they had to keep me separate from everyone. Like, we don't want anyone coloring your story. And it's good because, like, the story I had was so different. Like, I didn't know you came out of a car i didn't see any of that yeah when i wrote my police report they said like uh be as detailed as possible first they said hilarious great beard in the police report they said to be as detailed as possible so i did a whole page on

what the show was like it's kind of a mix of this and that before i've done that on a police report like my car was in a crime scene and i was like i had my alibi was that i was on stage i did okay uh i'm on a 12 month lease uh i'm paying a little too much on insurance right now um but uh yeah did you remember when josh stubbs was on our show uh he was talking about technical writing yes and um cop speak yeah all right and it's something that people do in these situations where they're retelling uh a story like this to the cops and they don't do it in their own words they do it like the assailant yeah you know raised his weapon and like the guy had a gun yeah yeah is what you would say and so i was trying not to do that but i like i said gunman a few times uh because i didn't but

like hanging out with the cops all night it was a little bit like uh super bad hanging out with the two cops yeah um yeah yeah i did get a very like there was a very chummy feeling amongst the cops and uh and they were like oh the the photographer it's either gonna be uh this one guy or this one girl i hope it's the guy she's a real bitch like she's no one likes working with her uh i i thought i i saw that like i saw first of all that first cop lady that came, I watched her come and not give a shit. Did you notice that? Yeah. She was just looking around, kind of looking down.

And I was like, two shot, one dead. What are you doing? And I realized that, oh, they see this every day. Well, they don't, though. The cops I talked to were surprised. They were like, oh, usually it's targeted and there's a getaway vehicle and they have this thing that they follow for every shooting.

They were like, this doesn't happen. If I'm going to be on the podcast... We could talk more. Don't make me look bad. Okay, they see it every day. Yeah. Was that a no, Ann? I'm sorry. That was a no, but.

Yeah. Well, my cops were great. Yeah, mad love to Butter Man. Butter Man. Searching for Butter Man. I love that movie. Yeah. Yeah, so I spent the next day getting a thousand text messages from people who are like oh i saw you and bro

yeah yeah cool pants and going to the um because you got the pants eventually yeah yeah yeah did you connect no they're not they're not they haven't arrived yet i still have a week or two yeah yeah sure these are pants it's like uh who's it was it warren uh zeevon when he was um the little old lady got mutilated last night? Yeah, yeah. When he was kind of close to death, he had cancer and stuff, and he went on to David Letterman. And David Letterman asked him, what have you taken away from this experience? And his advice was, enjoy every sandwich.

So you enjoy every pair of pants you have. Wear them. Wear them right out, Dave. Yeah. I mean, don't be afraid of grass stains. Did you feel like you learned anything from this experience? Yeah, that I have like a defunct survival instinct. survival instinct like i just i don't have the instinct to be like uh uh you know uh don't don't uh go into right thing but when don't follow the bullet yeah if you follow the money yeah

no yeah that i don't have that uh i don't have that um uh not smart i'm not street smart. I don't know what you would call it. Street dumb? Sure. Yeah. So that's something that I got to work on, I guess, you know? I would say as a performer, I'd really like to let this be known to everybody out there. Don't come to my shows. You'll get shot.

So I'd really like to let everybody know that. But like I say, I'm glad that everybody here is okay. Yeah, me too. Enjoy every sandwich, you guys. I had a bucket of poutine before. Not to bring it down, but let's pay more attention to mental health. Oh, sure. Absolutely.

Let's make that a priority. Oh, sure. Absolutely. Let's make that a priority. Oh, yeah. Yes. That's as good a note as any. But now let's do a real get to know us. That's my portion for the week. But before the show, we were talking about like. Yeah.

And we're back. We're really excited to have you on because we talk about wrestling a lot. Absolutely. If you went to our Facebook group, you would think it's the only thing we talk about. It's the only thing I want to talk about. But before the show, we were talking about costumes. Costumes, and we were talking about that you have billboards in Chicago. I do.

What are those? Oh, I'm going to do a pose pose that nobody can see but this doesn't look familiar to you it looks familiar to me yeah muscle man i uh i am on the one hour tees.com billboard all over chicago there's six or seven of them one hour teas as in t-shirts they make custom t-shirts built to your liking in an hour a week or whenever you need them. OneHourTees.com. Who needs shirts in an hour? Let's go over. Are you going to a basketball game and you really quickly want to celebrate your favorite basketball player? Bachelor partner.

He's only one hour old. Do you have a one-hour-old baby? Yeah, I know. I mean, I think it's a great business. Yeah, yeah. And so what happened originally, my friend CM Punk is a professional wrestler, and he wore a shirt that said, I broke Big Show's hand, which was an homage to I broke Wahoo's leg back in the day.

Wahoo McDaniel, Greg the Hammer Valentine used to wear that shirt on NWA Wrestling. That was a nonsense sentence. I followed it. But you're right, there was a lot of... Punk needed a shirt. I knew this guy. This guy turned out to be a great wrestling fan, made the shirt.

We've had a relationship ever since. I'm on billboards all over Chicago. And all of my friends everyone who's known me everyone who knows who i am they're like colt i saw you on the billboard oh my god colt blah blah but not and and for two years now and the thing that makes me the most sad is i've never been recognized from the billboard really and like people recognize me from wrestling and like uh from all the from all the shootings that have happened at shows that I've done. But all I want, and whenever I do random comedy shows in Chicago, they ask for my credits.

I go, oh, you've seen this guy on the billboards in Chicago. That's what I go with for the hope of somebody who knows who I am. But they don't. But here's the thing. In the billboard ads, you're hatless. Yes? Yes. Do you walk around a lot wearing a baseball hat?

And earbuds. Because yesterday, or sorry, the day before when I met you. Oh, I don't recognize you without the earbuds. When you first walked into the Little Mountain Gallery, it took me a second. Because I'm used to a very specific guy. That's why you told me to get the fuck out of here show's not for an hour asshole um but you do you look very different uh some people you know like uh glasses or a hat completely changes their look so maybe that's it maybe if you were walking around without the hat on think of all the celebrities i've walked by yeah well that's what like uh you know dustin hoffman wearing a

hat and glasses not to get recognized and brad pitt wears a bellaclappa yeah like it's it's the hat is like the first thing that someone puts on to not get recognized yeah and the groucho glasses so that's right why. Because you do have a very distinct haircut. So I think, like, if you were walking around like that, I'd recognize you from the post. Also, do you stand around flexing? Because that would probably up the recognition. Do you know if the, like, the ads they have on the internet, on the sidebar for, like, fun t-shirts, they're always girls with giant breasts yeah that's true uh do you know if the colt cabana marketing strategy is working well i do know that uh the the previous

model for this uh ad was his wife a beautiful asian lady and when she got bumped for me i know she was very upset yeah problems at home no more breakfast in bed. Also, I'm a cartoon. In the billboard. But still. What, is that true? Well, that's why. Man, you took us quite a ride there. Do you recognize this

pose? I mean, you drew a stick man? Oh, man. Okay, so I still have wrestling questions. Yeah, and I was on, so I was on like a comedy podcast before, and like the same way, they were like, okay, we've always had a million questions, and now we finally get to ask a wrestler.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm up for anything. And this was Taylor Williamson, who's a comedian in LA. He was like like do you wear a cup i was like oh that's your question and i was like no like for for years he's wanted to ask a wrestler question and number one was do you wear a cup my uh question and this came up as we were watching clips during the ring-a-ding-dong dandy show when you you know how the referees are notoriously terrible, and they, like, get distracted easily, and then when someone's doing something super illegal, they'll yell at them, but they won't stop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does the ref say? Like, what are the refs saying? Like, what are their lines? Hey, one in, one out. Hey, you got till five. Come on now, Colt. Come on.

You know the rules. But they're just going through the motions. They're not enforcing anything. A lot of hand gestures. Come on now. Oh, I guess they can't see that at home. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing things.

Think billboard. We were talking because you were saying, and I thought this was very interesting, that you know how to sew. Yeah, I'm a, I was going to say, I'm a seaman? Yeah, you're a seaman. That's right. A seamster. You do most of your sewing out at sea. Yeah, I wear tight jeans and I got a mustache.

I'm a real seamster. But you sew, and you said that it's not uncommon that other wrestlers yeah and i always like the visual so i mean in wrestling it's like where do you where do you go and like maybe the original person went to like whoever makes ballet gear yeah or uh i was gonna say stripper maybe the more political correct dancer exotic dancer extraordinary uh their their gear extraordinary Extraordinaire. Their gear. Extraordinaire. From my view. And then I think eventually the wrestlers were sitting around. It's like, oh, well, it's not hard. You learn how to sew.

You make gear. And then it's a quick way to make a couple bucks. It's a quick way to subsidize your wrestling career. And plus, we know exactly how it fits. And I like the idea of you put a stripper, a dancer extraordinaire locker room next to a wrestling. You know, they have the same the same like conversations, but for different genres. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, like, oh, man, this spandex is chafing my nipple a little bit or, you know, this doesn't fit right around the crotch.

And but, you know, they get to take it all off. We have to stay on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, yeah. So, yeah. I mean, eventually I was paying a lot of money to get gear made. And as the Goldman that I am, I didn't want to pay all the money. How do you mean?

I'm sorry. I don't see persuasions. A good finishing move would have been the Goldman sack, right? Where you hit the guy in the nuts. He's going to give him the Goldman sack. Pretty good. The dreidel driver was one that my mom wanted me to use. Dreidel driver.

That's pretty great. What did they give Scotty Goldman? Oh, they gave Scotty Goldman bar mitzvah music as theme music. Like Avon Aguila? Did they come out? They don't have the copyright. So it's kind of like the karaoke version of Avon. Did they carry you out on a chair?

No. Before every match you would smash a glass with your foot? In a perfect world. Did you wear a yarmulke? No, I was going to say, I thought, man, there's a lot of money in yamakas i thought yeah that would be a very easy to sell merchandise after right but what happened was and again this is my defensive mechanism what happens when you lose four matches in under one minute and two battle royals the first one thrown out they're not making you yamakas so the merchandise wasn't even talked about was your finishing move that you would they

would cut a hole in a sheet and you would pin the guy through it no but i did want to have a sponsorship of something like on the bottom of my boots because i was always losing so the boots would always be sticking up and the cameras That's very funny. Gelt, you know. Yeah, Gelt. Or Gelt.com. Matza. Yeah. So, but, you know, it seems overall the not being in the WWE, it's turned out very positive for you. The best. Yeah.

Yeah. And what's happened is. It's turned out good for me, too. Way to go. I'm kind of on the fence myself. I mean, I like elements of both yeah and what happened is is i took a lot of the world of comedy and i've i've kind of used that as my basis for my business model if you will and a lot of people know me as kind of like the marketing guy in wrestling

because i'm doing this all by my own i'm i'm to at this point probably like one of the most successful independent wrestling non-contracted people in terms of like i make a really nice living yeah and i don't have to follow anybody's rules i wear this to whatever i want you know uh and he's not wearing anything no he's wearing this stone cold steve austin outfit who also does whatever he wants that to me is the yeah that's the official outfit of doing what you like. A vest with no shirt underneath. Oh man. I want to be that guy.

The initial boost for me when not being in the WWE and starting this own career was podcasting. I saw everybody podcasting and I saw comedians having comedy guys on their shows and nobody was doing that in wrestling.

And so I started doing that. But on top, my podcast, there's humor and fun, and it's not like NPR serious wrestling talking, breaking it down. We're just laughing and joking about wrestling, which I think is easily laughable and jokeable about. Do most wrestlers have a sense of humor about it? Great sense of humor, yeah. Or my friends that I want on my show. Yeah. Which wrestlers don't? Do I say their names? Well, I don't know.

I'll write it on a piece of paper and slide over the Ultimate Warrior's name to you. Who's the funniest wrestler, just in terms of sitting there and just talking to the mic? Yeah, and there's there's a so there's a guy named um well his name was luke gallows in the wwe and he's like six foot nine 300 pounds just looks like this crazy biker and those are the best those are the most fun guys

when you look at him on tv and you're just like this is the meanest mad maddest, and he has the wit of a sixth grader. I mean, it's all fart jokes with him. Yeah, of course. And Luke Gallows and Cliff Compton are two guys who are just kids. I mean, Cliff Compton was a WWE tag team champion. His name was Domino, and he was actually tag-chance with Deuce, who was Jimmy Snuka's kid. Wow. Yeah. Did you catch any of that, who was Jimmy Snuka's kid. Wow.

Yeah. Did you catch any of that, Dave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. I'm familiar with the things. But I just, I mean, out of context, they are nonsense sentences. That's true. Also, like, I remember past guest Brent Butt talking about, specifically, Greg the Hammer Valentine and Brutus the Barber Beefcake,

that they both felt that they needed to add something juicier to their name. To Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine? Yeah, Greg Valentine, like, that wasn't enough. It's like, nah, I've got to throw the hammer in there, just so people know for sure. Oh, are you talking about Colt Boom Boom Cabana? Is that what we're getting at? um but like uh there used to be a show like uh up in canada instead of um comedy central we have something called the comedy network and uh the first year it was around they had a show that was called wrestling with the past and it was all old men who used to be wrestlers kind of in the

60s and 70s in the canadian circuit just telling stories. And it was hysterical. Yeah. It was like... I've never heard or seen of that. Very few people have, because it was the first year that network was around. And it was just talking head interviews with like... I can't remember this one guy. I think his name was The Butcher.

Butcher Vachon, maybe? Yes, Butcher Vachon. Yeah. And he's this French-Canadian guy. Yeah, I'm trying to do the voice. Is he related to Luna Vachon Yes Butcher Vachon Yeah And he's this French Canadian guy Yeah I'm trying to do the voice Is he related to Luna Vachon? Yeah

Yes Is anyone in wrestling Not related? Luna Vachon Have you ever heard of The Crusher Goldman? My dad? No?

Okay It took a second Luna Vachon was The adopted daughter Your name's not Goldman Or maybe it is I don't know if Colt Cabana's your real name You don't know Give me a second. Luda Vachon was the adopted daughter. Or maybe it is. I don't know if Colt Cabana is your real name.

You don't know of Jimmy the Superfly Cabana? No relation. Leaping Lanny Cabana. But yeah, you sew these. Kamala Cabana. Papa Shango Cabana. Where does somebody buy a wrestling boot? Is there like a one person who's kind of like... There's a wrestling superstore called HighSpots.com.

HighSpots? HighSpots. Okay. What does that mean? Is that a thing? A HighSpot in wrestling is a quick amount of spots. Okay. What does that mean? Is that a thing? A high spot in wrestling is a quick amount of action. Okay. So, like, let's say, I don't even know if I would compare it to stand-up.

It's like you're telling your story, and then there's a quick, like, couple beats of fun jokes where everyone's laughing, and then you kind of bring it down. Okay. You're telling the story, and then boom, beat, beat, beat. That's like... Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah, you bring it down, and then boom, boom, boom, high spots. High spots, okay. And then you bring the action back down.

And they have, I mean, if you're just wondering, what's all this stuff look like, how do I buy it? Go to highspots.com and look at boots and gear and masks and DVDs and everything. I think high spots is great for the wrestlers, but I think almost if you're outside of the world and you really want to see a quick version of what we do, what we really actually...

This is like me going to the mall and picking up what I need. Yeah, because I'm fascinated because those boots, you cannot... Shiny. Yeah. There's a store... Are they lace-up all the way? Sure, they sure do. Wow.

I have... So I was doing a tour of England for three months, and I was wrestling every single night, and I was like... I had done it the first... In 2004, and then I was going back to do the same again in 2005, and I was like, this lacing isn't for me, and I got me some Velcro wrestling boots. Oh, wow. Wow. And boy, was everybody in that locker room jealous of me.

Tying up like real suckers. Are you still a Velcro boot man? I will forever be a Velcro man. Forever be. Wow. It seems like, how did they make the boots originally? Somebody must have just been like, ah, there's enough wrestlers around for me to start a wrestling division of my boot factory. I think it goes back to the boxers.

If you watch the boxing boots, it's the leather, I would say a Leatherman. That's a Shuman. Yeah, a Shuman. Yeah. Cobbler. Cobbler. You never heard of that's they always take that from your last name right yeah yeah yeah you've never heard of wrestling bootman

yeah john wrestling that was another one that was the other character the wwe was gonna let you do you'd be scotty bootman scotty boom boom bootman yeah that's actually not bad yeah yeah so yeah i mean i think that's where it comes from and then yeah eventually it's funny like these are these are some of the questions i'll ask the old-timers who come on my show like a honky-tonk man or a ted diBiase yeah man and i'm like where did you get your boots yeah same thing because i know where i get them now but back in the day it's kind of like where they come from there's a place called knh and there was a guy in arkansas also and these were the two guys in the whole country it's kind of like where they come from. There was a place called K&H and there was a guy in Arkansas also. And these were the two guys in the whole country.

And there was no internet in the 60s or 70s. Yeah. And they just know that these are the guys that make the wrestling boots and everybody gets their wrestling boots from them. They really cornered the market. They were a real WWF of wrestling boots. Yeah. Because now here's a question I'm sure you've had to like tell the story over and over again. But how did you real Jewish?

It was super Jewish. And I had to wear the little thing. How, you know, because we're we're we're all in a weird, weird industry, you know, show business. Yeah. But there's everybody has this definitive moment where they're like, I, I guess I'm going to give this crazy business a try. How old were you when you were like, you know what? I don't just like wrestling. I'm going to be a wrestler.

I think I started researching schools when I was like 14. Well, wow. Yeah. And I was like, I knew, yeah, I, I've got to go to wrestling school. This is scouts were coming by your high school. Yeah, my badminton was unbelievable in gym class. And they were just like, such grace. We can use that.

And, yeah, I don't know. I've been enthralled and enamored with professional wrestling my whole life. I've always been an athlete. So the idea of me, like, getting in the ring wasn't foreign to me. Like, oh, yeah, athletic moves. Wasn't for an object right it was did you play football i did play football and i actually what happened was um uh my parents wouldn't let me go to wrestling school until after i finished college and uh so i was like oh man i gotta go to college and i was like all right i'm gonna major in wrestling.

And so Jim Ross, who's an announcer, who's always talking on the commentating wrestling, he'd always be like, this guy played football here and this guy played football there. And I was like, oh, okay, I've got to go play football. So I played a year of college football at Western Michigan University, which is a big-time football promotion. That's not my thing. The Football Federation. XFL. football promotion uh football promotion that's not my mind the football federation xfl yeah and then right just like xfl college football went under you hate me and uh yeah and i was the worst player on the team and i was like i can't do this and i was

like mom listen i'll finish college but i have to go to wrestling school and she's like, I can't do this and I was like, mom, listen, I'll finish college but I have to go to wrestling school and she was like, alright, if you finish school and so in between on the breaks and in between summer vacation and even then when I went back to school sophomore year, I'd still drive back to Chicago and I'd train and there's a trade school

and you learn how to wrestle and I really got the crap kicked out of me yeah yeah and it was tough but the great part about it was i i had just come from division one football so i was i was in shape and a lot of these guys were just dudes you know it's watching on tv and i always thought that like in my mind everyone's like everyone was just like me like they wanted to do it this is all they've ever wanted to do and i just imagine i'd get into wrestling school and be like 40 guys i'm like man how am i gonna stand out but it was just like me. They wanted to do it. This is all they've ever wanted to do. And I just imagine I'd get into wrestling school and there'd be 40 guys. I'm like, man, how am I going to stand out? But it was just like, man,

just me and some schlubs. And was your greatest football performance when you carried Mike Ditka? Yes, thank you! It was my best payday in wrestling. Did you see this?

No. This is amazing. There was an Old Navy commercial with the Bears super fans. No one recognized me from that either. I was super upset. I was on camera. Were you a cartoon in that as well? Yes.

I was in a football helmet on camera for two seconds. But two seconds, and I was like looking around, popped myself out of my apartment. Anybody? The old Navy guy? No, nothing. Yeah, but man, $12,000 later, I'm doing all right. Wow. Yeah.

Thanks, coach. I appreciate it. You can only imagine what he got paid for for that thing. Oh, like $14,000. Yeah. I know. He's like $14,000. Yeah. I know. He's got a really good agent. It's funny because wrestling has an actual school you can go to and you decide to get a comedy.

Hamburger University. Well, there's not really a comedy school. I guess you could go to – There are classes that everyone criticizes and makes fun or you could be at like i guess if you were like an improv comedian you could go to the upright citizens it's a humber college in toronto they they have uh they have an actual stand-up comedy program but steve-o went to clown college oh that's right but he went to like a real like an internationally barnum and and Bailey? Yeah.

He was like going to be. Oh, I guess he was a clown in like he was a circus clown. And now he's all business. Have you seen the footage of Steve-O when he auditioned for Jackass? No. It's really funny. I don't think of that as a show where people auditioned. I thought they were like a crew. Well, they were a crew, and they were going through the town that Steve-O lived in.

And they emailed him his sides. Yeah, exactly. You're going to put this firecracker on your testicles. Yeah, exactly. You're going to put this firecracker on your testicles. But he said that he could do something, something crazy. And they were in town. So they were like, oh, we'll go film this guy like trying to do this thing. And it didn't and swallowed it and then tried to bring it back up. And so it's minutes and minutes of him doing something that clearly this was his first time trying to do it. Sounds like puke. Yeah, he was. But they hired him on because he wouldn't stop trying to impress them with this thing. And he eventually did that gag on the show.

Yeah, and he did bring up the goldfish. I remember there was a gross British dude who would swallow... Oh, yes! On stage. I'd say it in Just for Laughs. He swallowed light bulbs. And then he would make a weird noise

and hit himself in the chest and then the light bulb would come back up. Yeah, and he did a thing where... Puppetry of the esophagus? Yeah. He did a thing where he would bring out... How did he do it? He had like a thing, it was a goldfish bowl and he had three goldfish

and he would bring them up. Oh, in order. Yeah, he'd bring them up in order. There was two orange ones and a black one. And now, do you want the black one? Yeah. He'd ask the audience which one they wanted. And he would link paper clips and stuff.

It was very... It was the original game. That was the pickup artist. Yeah. Women love that. Yeah, you really got to peacock. Really vomit up everything. Get her to give you her favorite lipstick. Oh, it went past the zone.

You're going to have to wait a couple hours for it. I have a different one in there. I have a Burt's Bees. There was a time in wrestling where it was almost like a freak show, if you will. And people were trying to do crazier stunts that weren't even wrestling. They were just bizarreness. And there's a wrestler that I'm very good friends with who was in the movie The Wrestler named The Necro Butcher.

Oh, yeah. The light bulb guy. It's a popular tag in my neighborhood. It's Necro Butcher. Because of him? I assume. Oh, man. He's going to be so happy to hear that. And before he became the known menace that he was enough to get in this movie

and wrestle Randy the Ram in his biggest fight yet. He at one point was like, alright, here's what I'm going to do. He was contemplating I think I can have my finger chopped off in a match and then if we put it on ice and we save it enough eventually we can...

I think it could sew it on. Eventually is not a word that you want to... Was he trying to avoid the draft? He didn't do this. And he never did it, but like he almost really wanted to do it. He thought that would get him his stardom. And I'm thinking here like, man, all I'm doing is

body slam. This guy really loves wrestling. So that guy, he's the guy in the wrestler that says staple guns. And yeah. Oh, man. I don't like that part of wrestling. So that guy, he's the guy in the wrestler that says staple guns. And yeah. Oh man. I don't like that part of wrestling.

Yeah. It's, have you ever participated in one of these? I never have. I I've eventually like a feud would culminate. There it is. And like, you know,

we do some kind of maybe crazy, we call it a blow off in wrestling. Okay. Like the end of the feud. And I was in a, let's see, I've been in a soccer riot match. Go on. I've been in a ghetto street fight. And now is that literally like the match goes out into the streets and the fans go outside and watch?

We bring the street to you. They build sets in the ring? Yeah. to you. They build sets in the ring. Yeah, I mean, I've had the crimson mask of blood down my face and

hit with chairs and through tables, but that's the extent of it. A lot of these guys are doing barbed wire. And if you watch some of the old school, like Mick Foley, how he kind of made his name in Japan, there's fire, and there's a promotion in Japan that was called FMW. And they used to have, like, piranha matches.

Now, who wins in the piranha match? How does that work? The piranha? Like, would they take a piranha and throw it at the other guy? Or did the guy have to put his hand in a tank? Yeah, I mean, I think it was rigged to an extent. Do the piranhas know that it's rigged? I don't think you're telling the piranhas.

So there's some crazy stuff in wrestling. I do not. As you saw in the Ring-a-Ding-Dong Dandy, I'm a comedy wrestler. Yeah, I do comedy. And it's funny because we watched a match of yours, and you're really funny. We watched a match of yours, and you're really funny. You're legit funny in this, you know, you kind of get a guy in a hold and then play the bongos on his head.

That's a real... Like a true wrestler. And I like the insights you were giving of, like, you could tell that when a wrestler is really in pain or really pretending they're in pain, watch the fingers. The fingers go out. Yeah, yeah. The farther the fingers. The arch of the back and the fingers fly out.

That's the way you could do it. Right, exactly. That's how you portray pain. I remember Hulk Hogan's. Sorry. I learned that in, I think that was third period. At wrestling school. Hulk Hogan would always put his hand on the small of his back.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would show that he really, like, something really connected. Yeah. Like a pregnant lady would do, you know, like, ooh, get on my feet all day. Or the one, you said something about, like, when you're tired. Like, you can tell the wrestler's tired because they're stalling're stalling in the right yeah that was me i was the one that was tired is uh yeah the the one thing where um it was ryan beal was saying it's his favorite thing in a tag team match when uh the two wrestlers have kind of conked each other out they're both lying on the ground and

they're slowly moving over to tag their partner and is that a time when it's like hey let's take a couple seconds to rest yeah i mean because naturally if you think about it and like i can it's weird that i can and i just did a seminar yesterday for some of the guys at eccw and the vancouver wrestlers like i can really break down psychologically wrestling and you know the fan was just like oh that's a wrestling match and like i weirdly could break it down you know, the fan was just like, oh, that's a wrestling match. And, like, I weirdly could break it down, you know, steps A through, you know, FFF or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, but the idea is when you, you know, now if you ever go back and watch

wrestling, when you see those guys double conking down and you're about to go to that double tag, that's when, like, the action's going to start coming hot and heavy, and that's when normally the match will come to an end, a conclusion. Right, yeah. That is almost always, right? Right, yeah. Before it's going to start coming hot and heavy and that's when normally the match will come to an end a conclusion right yeah that is almost always right right yeah it's gonna and you know you knew that but maybe it takes me just saying that to you and me going like oh yeah oh sure okay now i've just ruined it for you that's the most dramatic tag of the match is like who will get to their partner first and then when that when all that action happens you know people don't think like man that's that's takes a lot out of you physically as a wrestler, your breath. And also there's a lot of big bumps, as we would call it, that's going to happen towards the end of the match.

So you almost want a little cool-down period because you're about to go, shit's about to hit the fan. Yeah, it was a real treat to watch the Cliffs with somebody who knew all this stuff. And you kept tricking me. You kept saying that you had met people that you hadn't met. You kept fooling me. But yeah, man, it's... I'm trying to think. I mean, of course, now that I have a wrestler to ask questions to.

When they throw you against the ropes, and you know you're going to bounce back and get clotheslined, why does everyone bounce back? Why doesn't everyone either jump out of the ring or hold on to the ropes? That's a great question. And if you were at my seminar yesterday, Dave, where were you? The idea is really, you know, you get thrown at the ropes and you're looking at the ropes and at the last minute you turn and use the back to bounce off. And so if at the last minute you turn and use your back to bounce off that first step, you wouldn't really know what's coming.

And then you'd be hit with a clothesline. So it kind of be a surprise. So but if you're one of those really bad wrestlers who just like runs backwards to the ropes. Yes, you were the dumb person for not just going outside. But those ropes, I mean, they're bouncy and they'll fling you around. So the momentum takes you around. Well, that's years ago. I did a show that we were the entertainment between mixed martial arts fighters.

I'm sure they loved you. It was unbelievable. What did you get thrown at you? I could see you trying to fit in and walking up with an Affliction t-shirt. Like, hey, dudes. What's up, brothers? But the thing about the ropes, you know, Miss Elizabeth always made the, you know, opening the ropes up for Macho Man look really easy. But they're quite, they're very taut and bounce back.

Yeah, I mean, it's steel cable. Yeah. It's steel cable. I got it to the nuts. Oh, yeah. And didn't you hear someone in the audience say, this guy's hilarious? Yeah. I sat like a guy in full biker gang regalia.

I said, this guy's hilarious. Because he saw me kind of knock myself in the nuts with the ropes. That's a little fun wrestler joke I like to play. Oh, really? When somebody steps in between the ropes. Yeah. Yeah, you kick the ropes a little bit. It always gets them right in the nuts.

Especially a newb, like, if they have, like, a celebrity or somebody come in or somebody for a charity, you know. Yeah, screw this guy. Yeah, somebody foreign to the world of wrestling now this is a like there seems to be like you were saying there was this uh the giant guy you were talking about that has the kind of sense of humor of a sixth grader uh i was reading an interview with jake the snake roberts and he said not an actual snake no yeah i don't even know if his last name is really Robert. Yeah, and I'm iffy on this whole Jake business. Yeah, Jacob the Snake-ub. Jewish.

Yeah. From the Old Testament. He said that there's a lot of farting going on in the ring. Like lots of guys farting on each other, putting each other in holds and then farting on them. Oh, yeah, and that was Andre the Giant's thing. Andre the Giant's favorite thing. Yeah, he would fart on you. You really know he liked you.

If he put you in between his legs and farted. And, like, broke your spine with his massive giant fart. I mean, you've got to think about it. Especially back in the day, these guys are on tour 300 days a year, if not more. Right. And, yes, we all love wrestling and it's the best and it's the greatest,

but sometimes... Absolutely. You at home, listening to the comedy podcast where wrestlers happen to pop on, you love wrestling. But,

you know, you gotta keep yourself sane. You gotta make it fun. And you fuck around and you joke around. And you're on tour 300 days a year. You're eating at diners.

Right. Oh, my at diners. Right. Oh, my God, yeah. I'd like to see Guy Fieri getting a wrestling ring. Oh, yeah. With the guy from Smash Mouth? That's a tag team. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

The shitbags. They already got a theme song? Oh, man. That would be great. Well, they would be, there was always like the blonde bombers or the beach boy blonde or whatever the suicide blondes you know

so there's a lot of first of all there's a lot of bleaching your hair blonde in wrestling yeah and then that goes into the tag name

so those two would they're ready to party that's a holdover from the 80s the platinum blonde wrestling guys also seven when Gorgeousorge did it and

they were like wow gorgeous george is making all this money and we're sitting here with our regular colored hair like suckers yeah just a bunch of dumb brunettes that was a good tag team remember them the dumb brunettes yeah um well it's just ah it's such a pleasure to have you here. Should we move on to overheard? Please. Hi, this is Dave Hill, the pride of Cleveland, reminding you to listen to Dave Hill's podcasting incident, what critics are already calling basically the greatest podcast of all time, and you can ask anyone.

And what makes it even better is that it's now part of the incredible Maximum Fun Network, which is great for me. They sent me a T-shirt and so far the sex has been incredible anyway you can listen to it on itunes or by going to maximumfun.org the popular website on the internet dave hill's podcasting incident it's pretty much just like me making out with your ears or something okay thanks bye Okay, thanks. Bye. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which... Now, Graham. Yeah.

Is it okay if I interrupt you about this? Oh, absolutely. Sure. The thing about Overheard's is that they week in, week out, they're weak. Now, Dave. Oh. Shut up. Oh, baby.

Because I am a professional wrestler and I have a little thing called a Hulk Hogan News. Oh, it's a Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News. thing called a Hulk Hogan news. Oh, it's a Hulk Hogan news. It's a Hulk Hogan news? It's a Hulk Hogan news. Okay, so my first original thing, I was going to come on the podcast. Again, I'm a super fan, and I was like, okay, I've got to find somebody to get Hulk Hogan to do a clip and have him on the show. That was the first thing.

And I've told you before, I'm a big talker but never a doer. So I have all these great ideas of good I want to do for the world. But in reality, I just sit in my apartment on my couch and do nothing about it. So then my second thing was like, okay, I'm going to get a bunch of people and ask them about Hulk Hogan and get something good. And then that didn't happen. So last night I texted my friend. So it came to last night.

Last night, I texted my friend who is in the promotion with Hulk Hogan, which is Spike TV's Impact Wrestling. I'll leave names out of this, because I don't want anyone in trouble. Hulk H.

This isn't breaking news. This is just a fun story that he said. So me and my friend are standing there. And it must have been our first couple of times in Impact Wrestling. So they hadn't really been there that long. And then Hogan goes up to him and he says, Hey, man, I'm terribly sorry. hadn't really been there that long um and then hogan goes up to him and he says hey man i'm terribly sorry i've had my head up i've had my head up my ass all day and didn't get a chance

to say hi how are you and then the guy was totally stunned and uh had no clue what was going on and he was just like uh okay hi hulk and then uh because they had like never met or weren't friends and he and so the two guys were like he obviously thought this guy was somebody else and they spent the whole day laughing and crying and telling everybody about it oh that's awesome kind of an overheard kind of a hulk ogen news but it's amazing a little bit of everything i i was once when i was doing um enhancement work with w. That's like steroids? Yes.

That's good. Before you get signed to a contract, you kind of go – when they come to your town, you do some wrestling for them. And you'll be the guy that loses in two minutes or whatever. Right. That was the only time I met Hulk Hogan. And I'm like, hey, Hulk, I'm cold. And he was like, Terry, brother, how are you doing? And nice as can be.

I have nothing bad to say about Hulk. And our one interaction and five words said. Why would anyone have anything bad to say about Hulk Hogan? True. He's the president of the United States. Absolutely. The most real of real Americans. And then he gave me a CD and said this was me and Metallica.

This is our early demos. Yeah, let me know what you think. If you know what you want. So that was some good Hulk Hogan news. Yeah. Now, for real, now it's on to overheards. Yeah. And you know how this segment, you know how all these segments run.

I do, I do. We like to start with the guest. So if you have one, we're ready to receive. Okay, I, man, and the worst thing is is i all i do is listen to podcasts all day like i never i've always like you know but i just i have earbuds in my ear so i don't have that many overheards i i saw i heard a guy getting shot the other day yeah it was an overheard yeah so um man i have. You want one now and one later? Yeah. One now, one later.

Let's do it that way. The installment plan. I'll do the one over here that I always find is fun. I was doing an improv show, actually, when I got released from WWE. I would go kind of like an ASCAD, I guess. Sure. Yeah, okay. I would go up.

I would tell stories from wrestling. Right. And then the improvisers would act out the scenes. Yes, and zip, zap, zap, they were doing it all. I picked it all up. And it was a free show on Wednesday night in Chicago at the Comedy Sports Theater. And then afterwards, there's other shows, an improv theater. It's all moving in and moving out.

And so then I'm just sitting out in the lobby hanging out, and a guy comes up, and he talks to me, and we're just having a good conversation. I figure maybe he's a wrestling fan. I don't know. And then he leaves, and then one of the guys that was in the show passed him in the hallway, and he goes, I just heard this guy go to this other guy. Oh, was he gay? And the guy goes, no, he was a pro wrestler. So that was the one I always loved. And it fits in with me as a wrestler.

That's a nice one in overheard. Yeah, those are two demographics that overlap in terms of working out a lot. Enhancing. Frosted tips. I don't know. I heard frosted frosted hold on i'll tell the story okay when i was 19 super young and wrestling this like old-time promoter he's like listen kid if you want to make it to the waf you got to do something crazy like you know frost your tips or something yeah something crazy like the thing a hundred percent of wrestlers do so the next month i came back and i and I had frosted my tips.

And he's like, you're ready for the big show, kid. And I didn't happen then. But I did it. I did it. Who was the guy? Was it the rooster? The red rooster. Red rooster.

He was the original frosted tips, wasn't he? Yeah. He had just kind of like a, he had like a, what do they call it? A faux hawk. A coxcomb that he made out of hair, yeah. And that was the beginning and end of that gimmick, I think, was the hair. Like he didn't, did he do a rooster strut or something? Oh, you want to hear something?

Here's a fun story you guys would like. So the Rad Rooster was a character in wrestling. And at that time, Vince McMahon was very, like, he wanted everybody to kind of live the character. Million Dollar Man had all the money, right? Right. Vince McMahon's like, here's all my shitload of money. Take it and do what you want with it. Red Rooster, I don't think they liked him that much.

So they made him sit on top of a barn whenever the weather changed. He had to spin around. Yeah, they made him get up at the crack of dawn. He was booked on all 6 a.m. flights. Oh. Yep. Oh. That was like the rib on him and how miserable like everyone's strolling in the airport at noon oh this guy's at the airport they're also uh hey eat some gravel whenever you eat food to help you digest uh dave do you have an over oh man i love the idea of like living the character yeah especially

if you're the million dollar man like that's the greatest uh um it's way better than duke the dumpster josie right the garbage man of professional wrestling true story you'll get all your games in a dumpster repo man we need to start repossessing cars. Just take them. My overheard is, it's not specifically an overheard. It was said to me, but it was ridiculous. Past guest on the show and friend of the show and friend of ours, Steve Bays, lead singer of Hot Hot Heat. Fur Trade? A couple of new projects, Fur Trade, their album's coming out this month. And Mounties with Huxley Workman and Ryan Dahl.

He was having a house warming and one of the features in his new house is this light bulb in his kitchen that it's controlled by an app and the light bulb changes colors.

Whoa. And so I thought this was hilarious when he showed me the settings that, like, they have, I guess, settings for the light that are programmed in, or you can make custom ones. And he was showing me the custom lighting settings for his kitchen. Wow. And just the list, there were four four kinds of uh uh or four custom lighting settings that he had come up with and these are what he named them cozy oh

yeah less cozy red and paris yeah just leave it on paris Yeah, romantic. Although, cozy is pretty romantic. Yeah. What about less cozy? Yeah. That's for interrogations. What about less Paris? Yeah. Yeah. Forget Paris. Billy Crystal shows up.

Is that a movie with it? I think that's what it was. Yeah, good. Yeah. I'm glad we made that work. Forget Paris. I just thought that's the one where Billy Crystal meets Julie Delpy on a train? I thought it was with George Mirashan.

Yeah. Is that not right? He goes to Paris, the Paris NBA, and grabs George Mirashan. George Mirashan has been in so many movies. They can't keep track. Yeah. There's that category on Doug Wells' movie with George Mirashan. Yeah.

There's that category on Doug Wells' movie with George Miroshan. Yeah. I don't know exactly what the Twitter pun they came up with was that. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. Yeah, absolutely. I was in – I feel like a lot of my overheards lately have been from the bathroom, but they happen where they happen. Yeah, yeah, and that's where you spend most of you was my free time I was in an airport bathroom and there was a dad with a small kid and taking him into the stall you know waiting outside

and again was so chatty it's just you know chatting and chatting you know instead of like going to the bathroom, like he obviously was stalling. And just at one point, I think the final question was, Dad, have you ever seen a whale? And Dad was like, just go to the bathroom. That was cute. Yeah. Kids. Darnedest.

Darnedest. Now. Oh, you want to hear my other one? Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot there was a. Kids. Darnedest. Darnedest. Now. Oh, you want to hear my other one? Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot there was a bookend. I mean, I guess it was overheard, but I was right next to it. My friend CM Punk is one of the top WWE wrestlers. Very famous. And he hates, like when he wants to go out, he just wants to be left alone.

He should put on a hat. He's always wearing his hoodie over himself. And it should become a cartoon. And you know, that's like, you know, he does, it's just, he loves wrestling.

That's what he wants to do. That's, you know, it just, the fame has come with it and he's kind of against it. And he's always gets super kind of bummed out when someone like, uh, you know,

touches him or asks him for an autograph or a picture on his own time. He'll sign all the autographs at the show or whatever. But so we're at the Cubs game. And somehow Punk got great tickets to the Cubs game. And so we're there. We're sitting down. And these two people come up to him. They poke him on the shoulder.

And they go, excuse me, can we get a picture? And he just turns to me and goes, god damn it. And then they hand him on the shoulder and they go uh excuse me can we get a picture and he just turns to me he goes god damn it and then they hand him the camera yeah and they go up to the back of wrigley field and i start cracking up and he was so embarrassed and he took a picture of them and i took a picture of him taking a picture of them so good yeah it was great. So, oh, these fans. You mentioned kids say the darndest things. Yes. My brother told me something his four-year-old daughter said on Independence Day. And he was like, this was either the cleverest thing or just like a random occurrence. But she said, they call it Independence Day, but I didn't do anything by myself.

Yeah, right? Yeah. Darnedest. Pretty cute. CM Punk. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in to us from around the world. If you want to do the same, you can send them in to spy at maximumfun.org. Now, this first one comes from Marcos L. in, I don't know if I recognize this, Ontario.

But it's like Nepean? Is that a place? Nepean. Okay. Isn't that where? No, that's Napanee. Napanee is where Avril Lavigne's from. Avril Lavigne, and also where John. Macdonald practiced being a lawyer.

First Prime Minister of Canada. Canada's first Prime Minister. He's on a bill of some kind? Yeah, he's on the five. No, that's Wilford Laurier. Five, ten, fifteen. He's on the fifteen. He's on the ten. He's on the ten.

There he is. Big drinker. Rip it up. Rip it up. No, these ones rip. So this is an overheard that took place earlier today. My brother and I were walking through the neighborhood when we came across two siblings on their bikes, a boy age 10 and a girl age 14. The boy was passing by his sister and knocked a notebook she was carrying off her bike.

As soon as this happened, the boy stopped what he was doing and went down to retrieve the book off the ground. And the whole time he was repeating, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The girl stood over him scowling as we passed by and said, do you know how important that is? My agenda is like my body at school. That's a weird. Yeah, it's a weird analogy. Yeah, that was actually the basis for my body is a wonderland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I scribble in it.

That's my scribbling place. Also, I guess kids today, agendas still? We used to call it Chandlers. Was that a thing for you guys? Chandlers? Chandlers. That was the name of a... I think that was the name of the agenda book, but that's the – they really had the market of –

Oh. Oh, I think the – We had like school – like our school ordered 1,500 a year just with the school logo on it. Yeah, I don't remember them being called agendas. I feel like they were like journals. Calendars. Calendars. And I also remember the company was like

Hillroy? Yeah. Hillroy was like the... Your Roy. Yeah. Get your hands off my Roy. It's like my bod. This next one comes from Glenn M. Parts... Nope.

He's from Ontario as well. Hi, Dave Graham, an amazing guest. Thank you. Wow. Nailed it. This overheard isn't really an overheard since it was said directly to me, but he thought it was too funny to not send in. A while back, me and my friends were hanging out drinking on just a regular night.

Me, so Tom, did you actually sleep with that girl from a while ago? Tom. Yeah, man. Three and a half hours. Starts laughing. Me. Three and a half hours of sex. Tom.

Yeah, man. Me. Three and a half hours of sex? You're joking, right? Tom, in totally serious tone. Dude, my first time was eight hours. Eight hours? You're doing it wrong. For your first time was eight hours. Eight hours? You're doing it wrong.

For your first time? Yeah, but you're just doing something wrong. Maybe he thinks hours are seconds, but he thinks he's like... But I like the idea of like, did you sleep with her? Like, yeah, I slept eight full hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had a three and a half hour nap. Not bad.

And the last one comes from uh jeremy s in uh new york my wife and i were shopping in a target and we heard over the loudspeaker would a dog named barney please report to the parking lot pause would the owner of a dog please report to the parking lot pause yeah pretty great is that something you guys would do and i in my youth i feel the owner of a dog named Darnick. Please report to the wiring lot. Pause. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Pretty great. Is that something you guys would do? In my youth, I feel everyone with a comedic something in their body would grab that Target Oh, no. Too scared.

Really? Yeah. Oh, to do the loudspeaker? Oh, yeah. Oh, no. So easy. You would actually grab it and say something into it? No, because they would have, maybe not specifically Target, but they would always have phones.

Yeah. And then you pick up the phone and it says, like, intercom. And you're just like, Greg, you're a piece of shit. And hang up and run around. Yeah, I feel like I definitely hung up with a lot of guys who that was their thing. Yeah, I know that the big thing was to go and ask the lady who had access to the phone like oh can you please page so and so oh really lady would have to be like is this your dumb friend yeah like legally i have to do this uh my friend sharon sharon adildo, please. Sorry. I'll never apologize for that joke.

It's Sharon Odildo. She's Irish. She's new here. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people here. Hey, Graham and Dave. Jared in California with an overseen.

Saw a big SUV with letters going all the way across the back window that said, I am from Jersey, so I am automatically cooler than you. And then to underscore the point, the vanity license plate read one miraz lover like jason like jason yeah i don't know how you fit all those one m r a z a what I'm sorry. Zed? The guy from Police Academy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. LVR? Is that what the Z is named after? Pulp Fiction. Zed's dead. Yeah, bumper-stumper style?

Yeah, I don't know. MRZ LVR. Yeah. Oh, there you go. There it is. Wouldn't that be Mr. Zed Lover? He said there was a bunch of underscores in there, too. No, it was underscored. I've never actually seen an underscore in a license plate.

I'm a child of the internet, sorry. All I know is from hotmail addresses. Too cool for this school. Here's your next one. This one is kind of long. So strap yourselves in. Hey, guys. This is Megan from Oakland, California.

And I have an overheard for you. I subscribe to an email newsletter from the Neighborhood Association of the neighborhood in Oakland that I live in. And the newsletter is about businesses that are opening up and stuff that's happening in the neighborhood. And I found this delightful little tidbit in this month's version. Surveys have been a hot topic here for the last several months. The one that I haven't mentioned recently is the poll Grand Lake Neighbors did when word got out that Good Vibrations was looking at the space on Lakeshore Avenue. The sex store?

Oh, this is long. Roughly two-thirds of the survey respondents supported their application for a conditional use permit, while those who were opposed predicted that awkward moments were sure to ensue. Last week, much to my delight, I witnessed one such scenario as grandparents escorted their two granddaughters down Lakeshore. The older child who was about seven stopped in her tracks while tugging at her grandmother's hand pointed to the predominantly labeled box in the display window

and excitedly announced look grandma they have a magic wand i'm gonna be a wizard um is that a chain store of good vibrations? I don't know. You just assume from kind of put it all together. Well, yeah. Opened by Marky Mark. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Well, open by the Funky Bunch. I'm sorry. This is a Funky Bunch enterprise. It was publicly traded by the Funky Bunch. Funky Bunch Limited. Yeah, good overheard. Yeah.

I could use more preamble. Here's your last one. Hello, Dave, Graham, and hilarious guests. This is Emmy from Buffalo. I'm at this kind of history bar, and sitting outside, and there's this girl not too far away from us, and she just says, and that's how I feel about the ocean,

confused and mostly gay in summation to this conference of oceanographers maybe it was Billy Ocean oh sure Caribbean Queen is that right? did I nail that? I think so. I really.

Oh, but I thought you nailed it more on the queen part. Oh. Right. Yeah. Gay. Full circle. Gay thing. Full circle.

Full circle. Full triangle. I like that she. Well, she. When she first. When I first heard the call, she said. When she said hipstery bar, I thought she said history bar. Oh, yeah. I think that'd be a

fun like well a lot of cool bars these days are called the library ah okay we're meeting at the library for a drink fun when graham and i were in toronto we went to one that was it i forget what it was called but it was like a rec room yeah it was uh so Yeah. It was the greatest bar in all of Toronto. It was like a rec room filled with drug dealers. There's a, yeah, what was the place? There's a place in Brooklyn that's called like somebody or other's basement. It's called like the Robinson's basement or something like that. And it's made like your parents' basement. It's the wood paneling.

Dave Robinson, San Antonio Spurs. The Admiral's basementurs The Admiral So that That brings us to the end of This here episode Now Colt you have I imagine so many things to promote So much Come on go for it

So listen we're going to be at Edinburgh Together Yes you just told me that you're going to be there for the whole month. The whole thing, myself and Brendan Burns. The title's called Colt Cabana and Brendan Burns sit in a 50-seater around midnight and commentate over bad wrestling. Man, that's a catchy title. So I'm going to be there, and hopefully we get to hang out. Yeah, absolutely.

And so I'll be there. But those people that were on the bus, you can still get that merchandise at coltmerch.com. Nice, there you go. And that's the hub of everything. That's the reason I almost do everything, is to try to sell that swag online. But the podcast, The Art of Wrestling, every Thursday. My

website is, it's welovecolt.com, but if it's easier for you, coltcabana.com. And so, in terms of comedy and stuff, every Monday night I have a YouTube web series called Worst Promo Ever. And I do the – we do – my comedy partner is Marty DeRosa, a very talented Chicago comic. And I know you guys have Chicago listeners. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

So I know they'll go support Marty out there. And we do a web series about the worst. Have you ever seen the Jeff Farmer wrestling promo? No. It's like labeled the worst wrestling promo ever. And it's just like him like, yep, I'm going to beat this guy tonight. So that's the basis of our, you know, it's like a two-minute little clip. Yeah, yeah.

And then Marty and I, we have a project called $5 Wrestling, which which is available at high spots and that's mystery science theater over really bad wrestling okay great yeah those are it's only five bucks and other i don't know twitter at colt cabana um can you guys try to get me 300 twitter how did that work who's that girl oh uh oh nicole oh yeah yeah yeah follow uh what is it's at colt cabana you have over a hundred some odd thousand i have 141 000 fans yes but but 300 more i'll take an extra yeah absolutely sure yeah i mean you'll find my silliness on there cool that's a pen you're doing a lot of stuff. Yeah. And I travel and wrestle locally. I mean, I'm a carnival circus traveler.

So look for Colt in your neighborhood. Yeah. All dates and stuff would be listed at welovecolt.com. Yeah. But coltcommando.com leads you there, too. All right. Do you have any other web addresses related to that? Colt merch.

Yeah, Colt merch. It's got a gold. I have digitalcolt.com if you want digital downloads. Of? I did. Like matches and stuff? Do you have webisodes?

I did. While I was in Japan, I did an audio documentary on the, I go to the Gathering of the Juggalos every year and I wrestle for the Insane Tom Pops.

I mean, how did we not talk about that? We didn't even get into that. And so last year, I collected a bunch of audio and did a bunch of stuff, and I put together like an hour-long documentary audio, and that's on digitalcold.com. So there's different stuff, and Marty and I do commentary over like No Holds Barred,

where you can sync it up. Oh, nice. Yeah. I mean, listen. That's not a movie you should watch by yourself. Yeah. You should watch that with some friends. Okay.

Also. Yeah. Here we go. Angelfire.com slash okay underscore um uh yeah i will also be in edinburgh i'll be at the uh uh assembly theater and uh you can find out all the dates at pajamamen.com, you'll be performing on a show with them? They're producers. Right. And they were, I mean, they were one of the best tag teams in the 80s. That would be good.

Yeah. At the end of the match, they... They're bananas. Yeah. Just like Million Dollar Man would stick the dollar down there, or the $100 bill, right? Yeah. You just stuff a banana right in your... Yeah.

Or maybe another orifice. Here's some potassium. Dave, anything? Not anything specific to promote, but thanks to everyone who sent me nice messages in the last couple weeks. Or last couple days. I'm very lucky. Yeah. In a lot of ways.

We're very lucky to to uh have you around and uh we all love you dave thanks we love you too way to not die yeah yeah top 10 not die if you uh like the show tell your friends head on over to maximum fun.org uh to check out the blog recap of the podcast uh pictures and videos relating to the content of the episode. Bucket Boys. Bucket Boys, yeah. We're getting a symbol from Colt. He's doing the internationally recognized symbol for Bucket Boys.

Yeah, he was doing actually a weird Chinese eye. Yeah, come on. Which I don't – that's not what I gathered from – Oh, also I'll be in Cave and Rock, Illinois, at the gathering. And what else? Probably some of them wrestling clips we mentioned. Sure. And if you want to get in touch with us, it's 206-329-8328 or spy at maximumfun.org.

Thanks again for being our guest. Guys, I had a blast. Thank you for having me. Yeah, you're a real treat. It was a treat to have you. Yeah. Yay. I'm such a. Thank you for having me. Yeah, you're a real treat. It was a treat to have you. Yeah. Yay. I'm such a big fan.

I really am. I listen every week. Thanks so much. All right. Yeah, if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.