Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 288 - Glenn Wool

Episode Date: September 23, 2013

Comedian Glenn Wool joins us to talk druids, sugar, and cut-off shorts.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 288 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I know is very glad that fall is finally almost here, Mr. Dave Shumk. By the time this episode is out, fall's here. Oh yeah.

We're recording it a few days pre-fall. Yeah. But oh man, once this sheen of sweat gets off me you're gonna be like a new man oh boy all tweeds all penny loafers all the time penny loafers i don't know what people wear on their feet in fall i didn't wear that in the summer do they even have penny loafers anymore once they got rid of the penny that's right just loafers. That voice you hear is our guest for this week. A very funny man originally from here. Speaking of loafers.

He will very soon be one third of the Lumberjacks of Comedy Tour touring all over the UK, Mr. Glenn Wool. Hey. Hey. Thanks for being our guest. Yeah. I'm going to let the listeners at home in on something everyone else knows. You're hiding it really well. Thank you.

Yeah, exactly. I went to the BC Lions game, and it started very early yesterday, and so did I. So it's my birthday today, and i've got a really bad hangover now did you was yesterday like the birthday celebration i guess in many ways yeah because there won't be any celebrating tonight um but yeah it was when my friends came out my old buddies from high school. So I just said, yeah, we'll just make it. We'll drink like we're in high school.

Exactly. Yeah. Well, you're doing great. Thanks for joining us. Nobody can tell. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. If you didn't bring it up.

You haven't missed a step. Nope. Lost a step? Missed a beat. You haven't missed a beat. You haven't lost a step. Yeah. Lost a step? Missed a beat. You haven't missed a beat. You haven't lost a step. Yeah. You still got it.

Yeah. Or I did the both of them at the same time. It just looked normal. You dropped a beat, lost a step. Yeah. Gained a step. It just looked like I was changing gears. Well, should we get to Noah's?

Sure. Get to know us. So you're just back in, you're originally from BC. Yeah. And so you're back, you were visiting family? Up at the farm in 100 Mile House where, yeah, I was not drinking at all. But like you were living like Rocky in Rocky IV. You were like running around a farm carrying logs around yeah and i got in a really big fight with dolph

lundgren at the end of it that's weird it really was it really was it's like my buddy knew it was coming just you know things that you know you kind of separate yourself from the herd when you know you're gonna fight dolph yeah absolutely it's something – it's something you have to prepare yourself for. He was calling a lot before, so I knew because he wouldn't say anything. Angry texts. Yeah. Well, yeah. Going to break you, LOL.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I must bend you. You're like steel. Yeah. Emoji for box and glove. And just a lot of bumper stickers from the 70s Like why be normal

How did he get that to go upside down? Have a nice day Yeah, yeah, yeah So you were up in Hundred Mile House You got a bike, you said? I got a bike fixed up I got my brother's bicycle I found it in the barn, you said? I got a bike fixed up. I got my brother's bicycle. I found it in the barn.

Did you really? Like you found an old bicycle in the barn? That makes it sound like it was like a penny. What are those? Penny farthing? I know. Just a farthing, actually. Just one giant wheel?

Yeah. They don't have the giant wheel unicycles. Probably because your feet wouldn't be able to reach the middle. And also hard to get up. There you go. So you found it and it was kind of decommissioned? It just needed some new things, so I got it. I just took it in for a tune-up, but they didn't do the seat right, so I got it. I just took it in for a tune-up, but they didn't do the seat right,

so I got it out on a trail, and I didn't take any tools with me, and it just stuck kind of up. It was like I was being molested by my bicycle. Yeah, like it took an interest in you. It was in. It was in a couple times. Not deep, but in. But in, yeah.

Yeah, like if that bike was a guy in high school, he'd count it as a fuck. Yeah, when he was bragging to the other bikes. Glenn's a slut. Yeah. Okay. Which was weird, but why he started with the break i i should have known what was coming he just he got me loosened up with the break yeah so uh is this like i'm picturing a very old bike i'm picturing something this is just like a mountain bike. A Norco Bigfoot. Norco. Wow. Yeah, it's one of the brands.

Yeah. That's right. Are they still Norco? I think so. It just seems like a very blast from the past. Kind of like they made what? Hockey equipment and bicycles. What brand of bike did you have as a child? I think I had an old...

I don't even remember. had like um like kawasaki was that a dirt bike yeah it was a dirt bike yeah we're talking about our first dirt bikes right um no like it was like what like um you know those bikes that like guys in skinny yeah skinny pants oh now ride yeah bmx. Now ride. Yeah, BMX type bikes. Okay. Kuhara. That's what it was. Oh, that's a brand.

No, that's the grips. You had Kuhara grips. He only read the grips. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's how Graham is. He's just always looking at his hands. Yeah, yeah.

What are you wearing today? Gloves. Yeah. He got in a lot of accidents on that bicycle. What were the things on those bikes? Streamers? No. The pegs that, like, you kind of put where the wheel was to do tricks or to have a friend ride on.

Were they just called pegs? Tricky pegs. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. I don't think that's what they're called. Do you remember what your first bike was? Yeah, it was a 10-speed, I think.

Yeah, one of those ones with the sort of, I think they're still the coolest. I don't know why they do it anymore, don't do it anymore, but they look like Ram's horns, you know that one? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they do. Those were awesome. Yeah, we're all just obsessed with grips.

That's true. Yeah. Me and my father was a grip on movies. That's probably why, because of my father. Yeah. Yeah. It's old family business. You were just trying to live up to your father's grips.

Yeah. He was the best boy. I never understand now why we need to see that in credits. Like, it's the, we have the internet. If I want to know who catered Titanic, I'll look it up. It's the information. But they put it at the end. Now I actually want to know who catered Titanic.

It was me. They put it at the end, so you don't, it's not like, you're like, oh, come on, the credits end, I gotta go. Who cares about the key grip? I'm in a hurry. Right before the climax of the movie. Yeah, we'll be right back. I paid for this movie, I'm going to watch it all. Yep. Well, now they put little scenes at the end of the credits, right?

Oh, yeah. Like all the Marvel movies. Loopers. Whoa. You ever seen the one for Schindler's List? Hilarious. Yeah. Hey, quit giggling, Morty.

You're supposed to be dead. I know it was this guy. This guy, he's looking at me. Just him. Just the extras in the background. Just cracking each other up. Oh, I'd watch a whole movie of that. Just the greatest moment.

Nice dick, Hank. Shut up! Now, you... I don't know where to go from there. Now to change gears. Yeah. Why? Yeah.

Why change gears? Let's just talk credits. Yeah, that's true. What's... For the longest time, was there a credit that you had no idea what it was? Like Best Boy? Best Boy.

Yeah. Key Grip Gaffer. Still not sure what Best Boy is, to be perfectly honest. He helps the Key Grip Gaffer. Still not sure what Best Boy is, to be perfectly honest. He helps the Key Grip. I just thought it was a horrible Hollywood story. The producer. I'll put your name in the titles, kid.

You're the best one. You're my best boy. The kid's name stays in the picture um the like i i was saying uh to a friend remember uh naked gun used to have the like jokes in the credits jokes in the credits see that was a little something to be interested yeah i guess most movies can't do that your schindindler's List, for example, can't have an egg roll recipe in the middle of the credits. When I see the runtime for a movie, I'm like, oh, this is two hours and ten minutes. I'm like, oh, well, like 20 minutes of that's credits, right?

Yeah. But it's only like four minutes. It just seems like it's forever. Do you stay? Do you stay until the end of the credits? No, no, no, no. I don't care about the below the line people. What does that mean?

I think it's like, I don't know exactly what it means, but it's the people who are unionized, people who don't get to negotiate their contracts. Ah. Have you seen it when they do it on TV where they make them go really fast? Yeah. It's like, well, what does this achieve? You're right. It's just like., what does this achieve? You're right.

It's just like. Did you get sued once? I bet you that's what it is. I bet you they have to legally show the credits. And sometimes they even like they'll speed them up super fast so you can't read them and like squeeze them down to a third of the picture so they can. Yeah. But sometimes they even type them out again like it's they just show them in like so they can zip through them even faster yeah and then there's uh the story about george lucas when he's making star wars you couldn't just start

a movie you needed to start it by putting opening credits. Oh, okay. And so, you know, Star Wars just starts with... Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But he had to leave the guild or whatever in order to do that. What? Because they were like, nope, you have to put, like, who produced it and all that stuff up front. Oh, yeah.

And he said, nope, it's just going to start. It's just going to start at Star Wars. And it was a big fight, and he walked away from the union. Well, can you imagine how much money it would have made if he'd done it right? Yeah. That's right. This is a lesson in why they do it properly. Yeah.

When I saw the movie the first time, I was like, amateur hour. Yeah. What is this, a student film? Who produced this? I want to see a bunch of those things where it shows what production company it is. Do you know that after the fourth installment, everyone was just cool about not having their name on it? Yeah, you know what, George? You're right.

Yeah, you were right the first time. I'm going to put it up there. The man had a vision. You know, let's all respect that. Let's all take our names off of this. You know what I was wondering? You know, they have like the people that like instead of closed captioning, they just describe. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, do they read the credits if it comes up? Oh, yeah. That would be super fast. Yeah. If it goes fast fast do they have to fast forward yeah oh yeah that's uh i've never have you either you watched i've watched maybe 10 minutes of it once and so what they're describing the action yeah over top of dialogue

no in in like the gaps between dialogue like he sipped a beer yeah chandler picks up an apple picks up an axe i only watch friends um yeah i want that gig that seems like describing things yeah just like you're just watching a thing and then saying saying what people need to need to know like you i think it's a two-person job you sit there with someone who has their eyes closed. Yeah. And it would be like, I forget who this character is, but the guy that earlier was wearing the bulletproof jacket, he's not wearing it anymore. So I think he's going to get shot. Spoiling things just a second before they happen.

Uh oh. It's his last day at work. I never trusted him. Don't go in there, man. Do you know what function I wish I could have for every movie? I was in London in a cinema watching Inception. Oh, yes. And I don't know, maybe the other movie was sold out,

I don't know, maybe the other movie was sold out, but a busload, not a big bus, but a lot of them. Like bigger than a Volkswagen bus. I got a bad feeling about where you're going. They were special people. Okay. Special wonderful people? Well, hey, yes. You all right? all right yes okay you know what i mean they were mentally retarded there's no there's no getting around it and there's nothing wrong with that i think there might have been getting around yeah we got it with special yeah yeah

but i'm not like the joke is not that they're retarded, but I had trouble with Inception. Sure, yeah. Partly because there was a running commentary. Of like, what's going on now? Or this guy, oh, watch out, this guy's coming? That type of thing? No, like just, I mean, like inner monologue stuff that they just didn't realize that didn't have to be out there. I appreciate that.

Yeah. I mean, in a movie like that, it kind of helps. Like, oh, yeah, I should have thought of that. Well, yeah. Yeah. And at the end, when it just very succinctly was explained what happened. No, you see, the spinning. Is that Leonardo DiCaprio?

Yeah. But, like, I mean, I found it charming, you know. Yeah. I don't mind. But some people didn't and failed to see the humor in what was going on because I guess they didn't want to be seen to be laughing at retarded people. But I wasn't laughing at that. I wasn't laughing out loud. I was saving it up for.

Oh, I was a giggling. Like, I couldn't help it. And then one one guy got really kind of excited and he started parroting lines from the movie. One of them was like, let's get this fucking guy. Let's get this fucking guy. Let's get this fucking guy. Like that. So now these people are feeling like they've had their Inception experience ruined, but you feel like...

It was enhanced. Yeah, like you got a special one-time experience that could only happen... I bumped it up from a three to a four star. I'll tell you that much. And then, but everybody's watching, like, the movie and just, like, this is North London and people are holier than thou and, you know, like, just so liberal, man. There's nothing, you know, like just so liberal, man. You know, just nothing's funny. And then a guy came into the movie that hadn't been there before

and the one guy went, who's this guy? Like a character? like a character yeah that is pretty good but I mean that that kicked the door but it went it came in this guy

and then somebody went to get up where's he going so like it was almost like reality wasn't like it was like conception he wasn't... Like, it was like Inception. He didn't know what was movie and what was reality. Like, he was running a commentary on both entities, and at that point, the whole place just broke up.

Oh, that's amazing. Yeah. Where's this guy? Where's he go? I want a described video of just that guy. What's going on? I want a described video of the people who are watching the show with me. Yeah, where are you going?

Wash your hands. If you just put that out there, special needs commentary, you'd sell a lot. I think so. I think you're correct. But yeah, I've never... I'm trying to think sell a lot. I think so. I think you're correct. But yeah, I've never... I'm trying to think of a movie. Like, I think... Oh, I went and saw Saw.

Wait, what? Yeah. The movie Saw, right? Where did you see Saw? Fun, right? And we were watching it. It was like on Halloween. And there was a part that was supposed to be kind of like the scariest part.

When they finally get out the saw. Yeah. They've been sort of pussyfooting around the saw for a while. And there was, have you seen Saw? Have you guys seen Saw? It was a bit up and down. Yeah! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I saw it with a fat guy, so I didn't get the benefit of it. I only saw the top part of the screen. But there was a part of it where it all went very quiet, and you realize the scary twist that's come. And then there was a guy in the back row that just said, I think to his friend, I'm scared. And everybody just lost their mind laughing. And the rest of the movie was a comedy from then on in. It couldn't get back to scary again because of that guy and being scared. then on in it couldn't get back to scary again because of that guy and being scared it's weird uh that this time of year fall is when they is it because of halloween that that they release all

the scary movies or is it just because it's kind of a spooky time like the foggy that yeah i think that's why they put halloween where they put it the powers that be yeah Yeah, the Halloween board. Yeah. Druids, were they? Pagans? Oh, pagans, yeah. I don't know who any of these people are. The pagans, the druids? The pagans, the druids, the, you know. Monsanto.

All the same company. Sure. Do you want to hear an interesting thing about druids? Yes. I want to hear ten things about druids. I'm putting a list together for my website. Ten awesome things you didn't know about druids. I write for BuzzFeed. I need anything.

I got seven things about druids. And they're a secret of society. Ten druids who can't even handle it right now. Yeah. Yeah, who knew that druid footage was going to take over from kittens on the internet? I just love them when they do kooky things.

Yeah, they're really cute. Here's a druid in a box. He's playing with the thing. It's one of the best gifts of 2013. Here's a druid who says, I love you. He's not really saying it, but his owner thinks he's saying it. Watch what happens to Antigua's belly. What about druids? there's a druid who says i love you he's not really saying it but his owner yeah why do i have an articular belly um what what about druids i want to learn me some druid uh i have a friend

who uh is a druid in um in england and he told me that stonehenge was built by the Roman army to placate the Druids. Because? Well, it's one of the hearts and minds kind of deal. Okay. You know, they were occupying their country. So they were like, here's a gift. Yes. Ah.

When were the Romans there? Last week. Yeah. It was really good. Isn't Stonehenge like thousands of years old? Well, they don't know. And this is by no means true. I made it up.

This is just a – Yeah, I don't know any Druids. That was going to be my follow-up question. How do you become a Druid? How do you know I'm a Druid? No, it is true. Well, my friend told me it's like you can still be a druid. It's a religion.

Oh, that would be awesome if you met a girl like you were a druid and you're like, my parents, they only want me marrying another druid. So you're going to have to convert. You're going to have to become druish. Yeah. Druish, yeah. It's from Spaceballs. Is it really?

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah. Did you watch the Mel Brooks documentary? It's really good. It just came out just about his life. Yeah. Man, he was good.

Yeah. At his peak. He still is. Yes, he is. He is very good. I don't know what he's put out lately. I think he's in retirement. He puts it out.

What was his last thing? Was it Men in Tights? No, he made the producers the musical. Oh, yeah. And then he did, I think there was a Son of Frankenstein musical as well. I don't count Broadway. Okay. Well, that's what he's been up to most recently.

Yeah, well, that's, I mean, it's such a cop out. Monty Python did it too you know like yeah you guys i mean you've obviously spent time together and this is what you cooked up oh it's a call are you mad that they didn't come out with like a just a movie yeah man yeah i heard a rumor they were all getting together to do something again like uh fish called wanda style like where it wasn't a monty python thing per se but like well one's dead yeah that's true but he was dead during fish called wanda why don't you just call it one's dead how many were in a fish called wanda uh at least palin uh michael palin

yes michael and sar, the Palin boys. Did you see the fabulous Palin boys? Yeah, where they both played the part of a piano. And MacKay Pfeiffer rolled around on top of them. So, together they played the piano. MacKay Pfeiffer sang on top of them. I was really good on IMDB this morning. I think I got all my facts straight. That's what the Korean fashion

designer told me anyway. Yeah, Bo Jackson's in it, I think. Bo and Jeff Jackson playing the part of the Black Keys. The Black Keys are in it. Playing the parts of the Black Keys. The Black Keys are in it? Yeah. Playing the parts of the White Keys. It's a very dense film.

They sing Ebony and Ivory. Those are the credits that you want. Hilarious credits like that. Yeah. But they sing a dirty version of Ebony and Ivory. Now, how long have you been over in england uh i moved over there about 14 years ago oh oh yeah but uh i don't live there all the time anymore i'm just a i'm a nomad now you were telling me you drew it you're yeah you're part drew it You've got everything down to one suitcase. And I got it down to a smaller suitcase.

Wow. To carry on now? I could if I wanted to, but it's no use because I got my Swiss Army knife and my bathroom toiletries in there. But like, after I heard about that. I'm so sorry. No, no, this is. We'll edit that out. Don't.

Yeah, leave it in for posterity. Don't edit that out and leave the special needs story in yeah we're editing that all out yeah

it's just gonna be mostly just your intro and then we're just gonna segue we're gonna have a fun bit about can you also edit out that

racist song about Nelson Mandela that I sang done thank you yeah as the fabulous Baker voice. It's just, it's too close right now.

Yeah, yeah. When I wrote it 20 years ago, it was fine. Yeah, and it was like a tribute back then. Yeah, well. Everybody loved him. He was, I mean, now everybody hates him. What I meant was everybody loved him and things were all positive. Yeah.

Yeah. It just, I thought it kind of, he needed to be taken down a few pegs. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm out of prison. Look at me. What was the name of the song again? Ebony and Ebony. I'm sorry, I asked.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, here's a thing. I didn't talk about this last week, but it's been going on for about a month. I did a whole month where i didn't eat any sweets oh and it was like a super um just like lax diet where because i because i mean oh i mean i still like drank alcohol and like ate um chocolate bars. Yes. You lived as a diabetic. Yes, basically. It's called the type 2 diet.

Yeah, I also took insulin for a while. Just to really ride the line. I used an inhaler. I didn't really understand what everything was all about. But I, yeah, no um i did four weeks what it started with um our friend aj uh past guest on the show for his birthday he doesn't celebrate his birthday he just invites people like he doesn't want gifts when he invites people over uh so he just calls it cake night and we just eat four or five different cakes. And that was like the starting point where I was like, oh, I need to just not eat cake for a while.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you quit. I think you just pushed yourself into such a state. Exactly. You couldn't stomach it for a month. I just had enough cake to laugh to me. Yeah. Your body knew how to portion it out over time.

I can now think of cake and not vomit, but that's a new thing because for many a month... I can be in a room with a cake. Here it goes again! I can watch a wedding show. These are all things I can do now. So you had too much cake. Yeah, and now... Was it ice cream cake?

It was, let's see, this time around it was a banana cream cake. Pie. It was a banana cream pie, even. Wow. Even. Even. And peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake. Oh, and you had both.

Yeah. Yeesh. Did anybody else join in? No. Just sit there like a pig. Yeah. I made sure everyone else was invited. Invitations got lost.

So did you miss sweets? Yeah. Yeah? But I knew it was just going to be a month, and it was just like... The problem is I have dinner, and every night I have enough dinner that I'm full until I go to bed. Yeah. And then I also eat ice cream. While you're in bed?

Well, I mean, sometimes. There's nothing better than ice cream in bed. Yeah. Go to bed at 8 o'clock, eat some ice cream, pass out. So no ice cream, no nothing? No candy. Is this over? It's over now. Okay. I had some ice cream, no nothing. No candy. When did it, is this over? Is the month over now?

Okay. I had some ice cream the other day. It was okay. How did you, how'd it feel? It's fine. Yeah. What kind was it? Neapolitan.

Oh, why make a choice? The best of all three worlds. You kids today. What kind of ice cream? Ah, you kids today. What kind of ice cream? My favorite one's probably that one where they put Reese's Cups in it. I'm not really a sweets guy.

Although, here's a little trick at home if anybody is trying to quit drinking. They say to eat candy at night because your body is actually craving sugar. There's so much sugar in booze. So it's like as opposed to drinking. Yeah, don't do it both. Don't drink and then go home and eat a huge Hershey bar. Oh, it's too much sugar. Don't drink a beer through a Twizzler.

I used to do that when I was a kid. with a beer but i was gonna say with a slurpee oh yeah well i could like you could eat so much candy the amount of candy and television i ingested as a child is is mind-boggling do you know i used to eat a lot of those um oriental noodle packets. Yeah. Ramen. Yeah, man. It's bad for you. It's really bad for you. You mean you would eat just the flavor packets? No, no.

I'd eat the whole thing. The whole thing. It's not that bad for you. It is. It is. I used to like it, too too because it was good on my throat you know like a nice hot noodle yeah down your throat yeah yeah i i we get what you're saying yeah yeah i don't have to wink anymore yeah hot noodles we get it um but i realized that uh they

were bad for me um so i decided to go cold turkey and i used to be like, I kind of justified it too, like it was a nice snack at night that wasn't that heavy. You know, 99 cents. Yeah, but I stopped and then I got really drunk one night and I thought, well, I can have a noodle pack now. I stopped for a couple months. You're a growing adult. You can do what you like.

That's right. So I had one, and that's when I realized how absolutely salty those things are because I just numb myself to it over years and years. But when I had one, I thought I'd not mixed in the powder right. I thought, oh, I got like a full, you know, like sometimes if you don't mix it right, you'll get like a really bang of salt. But no, it had been evenly distributed over every noodle. And it's just like a bag of salt, right?

It's a bag of salt. My heart was racing. I used to eat two of these at the height of it. Like one was not enough. What age are we talking here? Because I feel like I ate them way, way it. Like, one was not enough. What age are we talking here? Because I feel like I ate them way, way later. Oh, yeah. Like, 35?

Okay. All right. Good. That was after my divorce. Yeah. Well, you go. They're very easy to carry home from the grocery store because they're super light. And you can stack them.

They're squares, yeah. You know? And you can make them pretty healthy if you get like some roast chicken breast and some throw an egg in there yeah yeah people you know they're not they're not good it's bad for you in that sense so have you given up on them now yeah like you'd no more i won't eat them but i'll have like what if we have one prepared for you right now? Yeah, yeah. We have a special guest on today's episode. Mr. Noodle.

Yeah, Mr. Noodle. Harold! Oh, no, Mr. Noodle. Oh, God, we got to edit this part now, too. Jeez. Do you talk like that? You honestly talk like that. Was he in the movie with you as well? No, he's a Korean fashion designer.

Is there anything that you think you couldn't cut out of your diet for a month? Pizza. I don't think I could go a whole month without pizza. Like, without eating a slice of pizza? You're bargaining. Like, even a slice of pizza? I've never seen Graham turn like that. He did not like that question.

He said pizza as if this is the end of it too. Because don't question me about it anymore. Because that's a line you've crossed, brother. And you can't uncross it. Well, Graham's allergic to a thousand things and is a vegetarian. So he's already cut out cut out a lot of the good stuff and i've also tried not to eat a lot of sugar like yeah well once only once or twice a week stay away from the sugar so why am i so out of shape

that's the real question why why do i look like an 80 year old-old man? A hot 80-year-old man. Oh, thanks, buddy. If you're into 80-year-old chicks, you are in the book. You're in like a bike seat. So good. What about you? If you had to give up, what would be difficult food-wise? Or is Mr. Noodle, the noodle packs it? Yeah, I think just fast food would be hard to give up because I'm not always around a kitchen. And sometimes, sadly, that's just my lot in life.

Like sandwiches, I found really difficult when I went gluten-free for a year. And gluten-free bread is fine if you toast it, but if you don't, it tastes... It tastes very weird. Like an ass. Tastes like my bicycle seat. Yeah, so that was difficult. Well, that's... I mean, I did something that wasn't even a thing for a month, and you went...

Why did you go gluten-free for a year? My mom was doing it. Yeah. My mom paid me. She looked into it because she was concerned about gluten, and they said that the- We're all concerned about gluten yeah well we've been to the rallies yeah i've seen your signs my newsletter yeah um which i think is a tenuous link to that shipyard shooting by the way i don't i don't think that's completely fabricated. There's no way I killed that guy over gluten.

Yeah. The SS gluten. It's a celiac raid. We lost that in the celiac raid. No, my mom looked into it, and they said that the two major groups, like the most celiacs per capita are Finland and Northern Ireland. And my father is Estonian and my mother is of Northern Irish heritage. So, I mean, I always, like pasta bloats me. Like I know that.

Like I can't really have a lot of that and still wear my pants properly. But, so yeah, I just decided to give it a shot for a year that's good i mean you can still get gluten-free everything yeah that's true everywhere in the world has this like spread it's big now yeah yeah this is probably not like africa like but there's probably not that when like when they were doing, you know, Band-Aid, they weren't sending gluten-free. Yeah. Diet pudding. Yeah. That's what they said.

Why... Just let them pick what they want to buy. Yeah. Bring them here. Well, we got to get rid of our diet pudding somehow. Yeah. We're not going to eat it. What?

It was called Operation Win-Win. Yeah. We're not going to eat it. It was called Operation Win-Win. We finally got rid of that scourge that was diet food. Isn't that what you do if there's ever like a can drive? You're like, oh, well, why did I buy this pumpkin pie filling? I was just thinking pumpkin pie filling. I think the poor people in this land must eat a lot of pumpkin pie filling. Yeah, well, nobody ever hands in a crust, so it's just... It's just pumpkin pie filling.

You can make your own crust real cheap. Oh, really? It's just flour and shortening. Gluten-free? Dave, gluten-free? Why not? The poor aren't gluten. Well, maybe.

No, they're not. These are rich people problems. That's true. Gluten is a rich people problem. Yeah, they're not. Well, they should be, maybe. These are rich people problems. That's true. Gluten is a rich people problem. Yeah, so that's me. I ate, I mean, I still ate sugar. Yeah, by the spoonful. Which is like, I just didn't have like, you know, a dessert.

But I would still have like, oh, barbecue sauce. That's got tons of sugar in it. Yeah, that's basically sugar, right? Molasses and whatnot. I was drinking a Coke once and somebody went, you realize that has 11 teaspoons of sugar in it? And I was like, on a good day. Do you ever have that like Mexican Coke that comes with cane sugar? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Instead of corn syrup? And for some reason in my mind, I'm like, oh, this is good for me. Yeah, yeah. I can skip the gym today. I drank Mexican Coke. It tastes better, too. And they're now doing, they sell them now in regular shops in the old cans. they sell them now in regular shops

in the old cans so it was like you're back to innocence where Pepsi was a Pepsi right? before Monsanto

before Big Corn got in got a hold of it anyway I mean the band Big Corn? yeah oh yeah Real Big C

and Corn made an album together. Oh, I'd listen to that. Yeah, absolutely. Jigs about child molestation. Huge in Ireland. Yeah, huge in the seminary. The seminary circuit put big corn, made a lot of their money on it.

But big corn made a lot of their money. Did you see the Catholic Church has just gone nuts? Well, not nuts, but just nuts about bananas. Yeah. Crackers? No, they're wearing weird hats. No, they've always been doing that. No, they've said that homosexuality is okay. Oh, yeah, and they said atheism is okay.

Yeah, you can get into heaven as an atheist if you just live good. And they're re-looking at, they said that priests not marrying is not dogma. It is interpretation, and they're going to look at that. I feel like it's like – Were there any priests in the Bible? Yeah. Joey, Joey the Priest. Jason Priestley.

Jason Priestley. I believe Mr. mr noodle was a priest i mean if i edit it all out we'll be left with nothing yeah just just know people they this is all they this is what we kept in yeah it's like it's like uh like uh used to be at uh the library in calgary like once every couple of years they would just like forgive overdue oh wow amnesty yeah that's what it feels like the catholic church is doing like we're losing some ground here so let's uh let's let some of the let's let some of the tethers go there homosexuality is fine you can be a priest you get married atheism is fine i feel like're going to let murder be fine next to you.

I feel like for the Catholic Church, like homosexuality is way better than atheism. I mean, like atheism should be like their big enemy. No, no. They're just letting it all- As long as nobody goes, hey, what about you guys being rich and everybody else being poor? As long as nobody attacks that angle, they'll give away, you can do this, you can do that. Hockey without helmets, that's fine. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, my God. It's sanctioned. Yeah. What changes would you make if you were Pope? Oh, I mean, geez, Louise, where do I start? I'd have my own YouTube channel. I'd kill the old pope.

I don't like that he's still hanging around. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that he won't leave. Get out of the room. Yeah. Yeah. Who does this pope think he is?

Do you think the old pope is around being like, gay people? Really? Yeah, the old pope still swings by the office with his dog and lets everybody pet his dog. You know, when I was pope. Yeah. You're distracting everybody at the Vatican with your dog and lets everybody pet his dog. You know, when I was Pope. You're distracting everybody at the Vatican with your dog. Get out of here! I just came back to get my stapler.

That is one regal stapler. Oh yeah, absolutely. It's the same as the GDP of a lot of countries. That stapler represents a lot of sacrifice what's going on with you graham hmm i don't know i uh well i was in calgary yeah and i hometown my hometown of calgary alberta last week i was in edmonton yep uh and growing up

like they would have hockey and football rivalries this This is true. Is there a feeling in the city of a rivalry, like we hate those guys? I mean, yeah, maybe when there's a game on. The rivalry is only sports related? Pretty much. Because everything else is pretty much the same. I don't know if you're the same as me but when um when i when i talk to somebody and they go on about hating a city or all the people from a city you just get moved down a few pegs yeah you know oh oh that sort of generalization so you had a bad experience in a bus station, and now you hate everyone.

You are too. I knew this guy who mentally handicapped people were in this movie theater with him, and now he hates them. He doesn't hate them. Those acts are not acts of hate. But I was in Calgary. Some of them are. Some of them start out as acts of hate and then one thing leads to another and then you end up kissing yeah that's how a lot of romantic we finish kissing kissing is the last step you guys okay um you're so you were saying Yeah I was in Calgary My brother sometimes plays in a band

Okay How does the band feel about that? Yeah They'd like if he always played It's okay he's not very good But I've never seen him play before Because every time I was in town They didn't have a gig

Conveniently Yeah him and the band were never in the same room at the same time seen him play before because every time i was in town they they didn't have a gig conveniently very convenient yeah him and the band were never in the same room at the same time this is your brother dan yes and he's uh plays the guitar so i finally got to go see his band play at a club and uh was a lot of fun uh but it's for this the first time i've ever done this at a show that i uh i wore earplugsugs at a show, which I feel like is a very old man thing to do. But I will never go back. It's earplugs from now until the end of time. It was great.

But I felt very like, this is my transition into a geyser. Old man. Yeah, this is my old man. Because just the idea of like oh my ears are gonna hurt after this loud music i was like oh that's a real old man thing to think i went but i did it uh today i went for a hearing test oh what yeah um uh you a couple months ago i was involved in a shooting and i saw that a gun went off right by my ear and it took me two months to get an appointment for this uh hearing test did you try using your other ear in the phone

it's still ringing it's a constant ring and so i went and um it is did you ever have a hearing test like at the mobile mobile like testing van that would come to school? But only when it was driving around. I'd be like, I can't hear anything. I don't think that was government sanctioned, by the way. And they gave you lots of candy. Yeah, the massage hearing test.

Why do I have to wear a blindfold for a hearing test? Are you just going to take your temperature? I just helped you find your puppy. But I... And apparently part of the hearing test is not talking for a couple years. Yeah, because how are you going to hear if you talk, talk, talk?

What's a secret hearing test? Yeah, it's a secret keeping contest. But all the machinery they use is like from 1983 oh yeah there's a dot matrix printer and it's all brown and beige all beige and like uh the texas instruments um but it's like they just do a series of beeps and then there was a woman who would repeat. I had to repeat what this woman was saying. And she would lower the volume every time. And so there were letters and words.

I sniff dog's butts. Do I have to say that? I said repeat what the lady said. But she was Australian. No, she seriously was Australian. So it's kind of hard to, like... Did you say spar or spa? So did you pass?

Yeah, apparently I have... I mean average hearing, but like... 20-20 hearing or whatever? Above the hearing loss spectrum. Yeah. Just got prescribed. Now, no firing guns beside your head anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Just got prescribed. Now, no firing guns beside your head anymore. Yeah.

Okay. Glenn, you go to rock shows. You're a fan of the Guns N' Roses and such. Do you wear earplugs or are you just – You know what? No, I didn't. And I went to the Tragically Hip the other day. But before, I went to the gym and had a big workout.

But before, I went to the gym and had a big workout, and I had my, you know, on my eye touch, the list of songs is called Heavy as Fuck. Okay. So that was what I was listening to, and I got up to the room to go get ready to go to the concert, and my ears were ringing, and I was like, I've just've just like gone to a buffet before dinner but um yeah so do you remind me of a story though um in scotland where the um lochmuth monster yes i heard about him uh the There is a school for the deaf. God, are you going to do another voice? I won't do the voice, but I'm going to be making the face. There is a school for the deaf that was where Alexander Graham Bell also invented the telephone. Okay.

And a taxi driver told me that when we were driving by it, and I went, man, it must have rung a long time before anybody answered it. And, man, it got quiet. Real quiet. Like someone's got a deaf son. Oh, right. Yeah, like how did you know that fact off the top of your head kind of quiet. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Or his son was Alexander Graham Bell. That's the other thing you didn't consider. Oh, he's a time traveler. Yeah, yeah. That's right. He might have just been a telephone.

That's probably what it was. He also invented the time machine, but he was like, hmm. Is now the time to tell? Yeah, they're That's right. He might have just been a telephone at the time. That's probably what it was. He also invented the time machine, but he was like, hmm. Is now the time to tell? Yeah, they're not ready yet. What was I saying that to about, because Marconi was also inventing the telephone at the time. The telegraph. Wasn't Marconi? I think they were both trying to get to.

To the air, across the ocean. The first time ever. That's right. He said, like, did you imagine getting a call from the guy? Like, hello? How's your invention coming? I can't get it to work. Yeah, me neither.

The story I heard about. What's your phone number one that's how they knew who invented it uh alexander graham bell wanted people to answer the phone by saying ahoy that was the that was the greeting that he had decided on. Yeah, because there was never an established greeting for someone you weren't seeing. Yeah. So ahoy was like you picked up the phone, you're supposed to say ahoy. And I just like always had a dream about him calling the other room and being like, when you pick up, say ahoy. This is catching on. Yeah.

And his friend just was like, hello. Hello. You ruined it well like now with caller id people like answer the phone all funny yeah like sup yeah sup player i'm gonna start entering my phone ahoy um my phone in canada for my my middle name is the same as my dad's name. Right. His first name. And when the person, uh, programmed my phone in,

I think they just had my ID. So they, they put it in as George wool. Right. So now anytime I call somebody, they think my dad's calling them. So I always, in Canada,

people are like, uh, uh, hello? First things first. I know it's odd that I'm calling you, but I'm gay. I'm really gay. I like gayness. I'm going to be in the Catholic Church.

I wanted you to be the first to know. church i wanted you to be the first to know because well because you're the one because i'm gay for you yes i am george wool the gayest man alive my siblings and i we always do this thing whenever we see that each other are calling where we pretend that we've just been woken up by the phone call oh yeah so we always answer hello that's fun brother brother sister gang yeah like it's two in the afternoon yeah i've done that for real yeah yeah we all have. Yeah. We're comics. So I would say, I bet you haven't realized they're doing it as a joke because they thought you were kidding. Yeah, for two in the afternoon, he's like, hello. Yeah, the fact that it's a joke, it kind of saves you sometimes when you actually are. I'm just doing a joke.

I'm selling it really well. I got this drunk character I like to play. Yeah, so that's me. Do you want to move on to overheards? Hi, this is Dave Hill from Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident on the Maximum Fun Network.

I'm here with my lovely and talented secretary, Ms. Shana Feinberg. Shana, I understand you've been doing a bit of research to find out what listeners think of the show. Yes, I have, Dave. And what have you found? Well, people that love it say they love it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment. Awesome.

What do people that hate it say? They hate it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment. Oh. Listen to Dave Hill's podcast dancing on the Maximum Fun Network. Mother f***er. Was that too much? No, I think it was perfect.

Overheard. Overheard Overheard Now do you need anything from me? Yeah sure Dave Oh Graham before we get to Overheard Dave before you get to that Thank you It's time in the show Where we all reflect

On what a certain pro wrestler has been up to Okay A pro wrestler's name is Hulk Hogan. So this segment is? Hulk Hogan News. It's a Hulk Hogan News? It's a Hulk Hogan News. Now, Hulk Hogan has been laying low.

Listen up, brothers. He gets it. That's the guy. Yeah. Hulk Hogan's been laying low lately, but has- He's not a guy. Just to watch him die. This is the part of the gun

story you've never told anybody because you don't know me, believe you. It was Hulk Hogan. And that's what Hulk Hogan said. He said, no one will ever believe. Yeah. And now I can't whirl my hand to my ear. I actually have to whirl my hand to my ear to hear things.

Was he the guy in the hearing van as a child? No one will ever believe you. It's a rich tapestry. He told me not to tell anybody about the van or there would be consequences. I told about the van. There were consequences. Oh, yeah. I get it.

Hulk Hogan is like Batman. no guns yeah no guns just uh choke slams just germs and steel yeah uh he uh he apparently burned himself on a boat for the second time this year uh earlier in the year a radiator that happened on september the 11th oh it may have actually and in one of the otter protests around the globe hulk hogan has burned himself on a boat and dressed like he wore he wore verses of the quran on a t-shirt ripped it off to real american and then proceeded to burn himself on a boat do you think that the the muslim community would be offended if Hulk Hogan did that? I think if you did it right, they couldn't help but giggle.

This guy gets it. I think it was post-September 11th. We were all reflected for the last few days. We were all in shock. Yeah, a lot of people deal with that. I relive September 11th every year. I relive this boat burning accident. I'm in some hardcore reenactors.

Yeah, you're part of a community feeder that reenacts it every year. Yeah, as a pageant. We were doing it three years prior to it, though, and that's why we got investigated. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Those inside jobbers, they cannot stay away from your community theater. How do they know about Tower 5? You played Tower 5. I just didn't show up.

Is there more details? Yeah, he burned his hand. He tweeted about it. On a radiator again? No, he didn't burn himself. Was it a different boat? Was this time in a canoe? This was a different boat, but he chopped himself up.

What? Yeah, on a boat. That's not burning. No, yeah, but he hurt himself on a boat. Oh, hurt himself on a boat. Chopped himself up. Yeah. He was making ceviche.

But he's fine. He's fine's fine he's a wrestler he's indestructible yeah he no wrestler has ever died before their time he tweeted he's gonna be with us forever man yeah um but yeah he tweeted a picture of himself bleeding of course he did yeah and uh but he does that to feel pain well he, he does it to himself. Yeah, I was going to say, was it from his forehead? Yeah, well, there's no way to know if the boat thing was real. Was this all planned? Was the boat supposed to win? Did the boat hit him with a folding chair?

Yeah. Anyway, so that's what's going on with Hulk Hogan. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. He's recovering. So now... He's not fine, but he's fine. He's fine. He's fine. He's recovering. So now... He's not fine, but he's recovering.

No, never mind. What? It's morbid. I was going to ask if you wanted to predict Hulk Hogan's death. I do not. Let's just do it. Let's do it. Glenn does. 2025. Oh, wow. September the 11th. Inside John.

Yeah. One of the oddest suicide bombings ever. As he went up to talk to the UN. Why was he addressing the UN? And why did the UN let him in? Well, because it's 2025. The world is in shambles. Hulk Hogan wants to talk to everybody. He's wearing a mink coat. Should UN let him in? Well, because it's 2025. The world is in shambles. Hulk Hogan wants to talk to everybody.

He's wearing a mink coat. Should we let him in? President Hulk Hogan is here to address the UN. Check out these WMDs. Yep. He locked eyes with Rush Limbaugh. What are you going to do when the suicide bomber comes down on you? And then he clicked with the button for a while and got all quiet.

Yeah, but it was just moving a PowerPoint presentation for him. It's just something connected to hot dogs that he had around his belt. Oh, these aren't dynamites. Brooke set me up with not dynamites. Oh, again. Now moving on to overheards. Will he die on a boat? No, absolutely not.

He won't die. He will, but it won't be in the water. Oh, yeah, the boat show. It'll be at the Titanic Museum. He's been shaking hands at the boat show and he's not being paid yeah he just goes down to the boat show oh he's just down at the boat show 2025 handing out some of his literature and if you want a picture you have to read the brochure

how old is he 60 60? Not quite. So in 2025, he'll be about 70. Yeah. That's okay. He'll still be wrestling. He'll still be talking about a comeback. I'm still going to. Yeah.

Because by then we'll have Robocops and things like that. So it would be feasible for him to be back in wrestling. Oh, because to fight Robocop. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, bionic everything. He'll have a full head of hair. Oh, yeah.

That's right. That's how far science. That's how far it'll be metal. It'll be robot metal hair growing out of his scalp. Now it really is time for overheards, right? Mm-hmm. And we always like to start with the guest, but we can go the other way if you want to hear how overheards go. Yeah. And then come back. All right. So we'll start with Dave. but we can go the other way if you want to hear how over here let's go

yeah and come back all right gotcha so we'll start with dave hi guys hello dave here um my overheard is actually an overseen it is something i saw today uh as i was picking up dinner from a sushi restaurant okay um and uh right by where you pay for your your takeout they have you know they have some brochures and maps and touristy things and they also have these um boxes of chocolate covered almonds that are three dollars a piece and uh the money goes to the children's wish foundation which i think is like the make-a-wish foundation but didn't want to pay the licensing fees right yeah um and then uh so there's all this signage for the children's wish foundation and boxes of almonds and then there's a little hand-drawn sign underneath

that says please do you want to steal children's wish uh is that like a dare i think it's like oh actually how much to steal yeah i think it's like uh hey people have been stealing these chocolate covered almonds non-stop and the money is coming out of wishes now if i steal a kid's wish you get the wish yeah does it come true for me well yeah and it's probably a more fantastic wish than you can ever wish yourself that's true what what if i get it and then it's just like i just get like a dad i'm like oh no another one yeah uh or a baby sister oh great you know like one of those kid wishes? I think the Julian wishes. Oh, yeah, your mom would probably not enjoy that one either.

That's true. Thanks. Thanks, Graham, for stealing that wish. Have you been making wishes again? Well, the house is chocolate and I'm pregnant, so... You stole two wishes? I put them back.

Oh, good. Your new dad is Shaq. Great. Shaq's going to be around all the time. That one can stay. I think that's most of the wishes, that I want to meet Shaq. That's the Shaq wish foundation.

Shaq a wish foundation. Yeah, they're like, you can wish for whatever you want. Shaq related. Shaq adjacent. Not Shaq-adjacent. Not many people know this, but he just wishes himself. It seems like it's for kids, but it's just granting his own wishes. Yeah, yeah, he takes the money, gives it to a genie. Because I am.

But he can only wish his own existence. He can't wish more movies to be made starring him. No, but he can wish an uptick in sales of blue chips. Yeah. Yeah, all of a sudden people are watching that again. What are people talking about? Steel all of a sudden. Blue chips was his only...

N肯лти фильм? What? N肯лти фильм, yeah. I guess it was his only legitimate film. Steel. That's true. Kazams. Nick Nolte film? What? Nick Nolte film, yeah. I guess it was his only legitimate film. Still. That's true. Kazams. I always thought, because he's so bad at free throws,

and it takes a long time to make a movie. These two are going to dovetail, I know it. Well, why didn't he just spend a summer practicing free throws instead of making a movie about genies? Or a rap album. Or two rap albums. Exactly. Like, I mean, you have to have. Or the video game Shaq Fu.

What was that? It was this video game that he single-handedly programmed. He was the lone programmer on it yeah but you know like if i was almost the best basketball player ever and there was one thing i wasn't very good at you think you'd tune it up like is he that much of a procrastinator i would be yeah i'm like getting to the free throws i just have some other things to do, and then I will practice them like I said I would. Yeah. I just got to finish this work.

I am making a genie movie. A genie movie. Mom! Stay out of here. Stay out of my chocolate. Chocolate house from earlier. Oh, yeah. Don't edit that out. Okay sorry that was that was cool yeah that was cool we're cool um graham gales over herb yep yep my overheard uh

is great it's a thing that i think people do maybe in their houses a lot but when you see somebody doing it on the street uh it seems super crazy um and it was a uh a guy urinating yeah yeah it was a guy yelling at a dog um but he kept asking the dog hey what are you doing chasing the dog down the street he was like waiting he would say hey what are you doing and then wait for an answer and then the dog would run away a little more hey what are you doing dogs aren't good at answering your questions yeah but if you did that at home like nobody would that be fine but out in the street i think i mean you got to give your dog commands or like ask questions like where's your ball yeah that's true you can't let the dog like now i want you to think about your actions like what where do you see yourself in five dog years which is about 10 months yeah yeah uh glenn do you have an overheard uh i don't know uh i when you told me about this i remembered a

thing i used to do um if like elevator doors were opening, you know, because you often get to meet people. And if I was with somebody that I knew, like, the door would open, and I'd go, well, you're the one who told Mom that Dad was a hooker. And then you just walk out. So this is how you met people. Ironically, and this is how I found out my dad was a hooker. I told the story and it all went quiet in the house.

I had a moment the other day where, you know, when you, someone's like, you're in the elevator and someone's running for the elevator and you close the door because you don't want to share the elevator with them? No. You know that moment? No, Dave. No. And then the door closed and I was in the elevator by myself. Just how you wanted it. Yeah.

And in my mind, I was like, like okay don't do a triumph into fist pump don't go because there's probably cameras watching you um and i was so happy i didn't because those people got like the doors closed they pushed the button outside again and they got in the elevator yeah you know what it was a steely ride downstairs. Yeah. I can't stand it when people do that. Just wait for the elevator to leave. Yeah, but... Well, no. What are they?

You know? I'm first day on Earth. I don't know what happens. I just kind of... Yeah. Oh, if I open up... Bing! Oh, okay.

I'll get in because I'm the important one. And these guys, they had bags. They were on their way to the airport. But I was like, who cares? And this guy just found out that his dad's a hooker. Yeah. It's funny to call a guy a hooker, right? It is.

It is. That's what we call a pregnant puss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going somewhere towards male hookers yeah yeah yeah anytime anybody brings him up I get real quiet uh no it's one of those things like elevators uh that um

the time saved is not that that much you know but people really try and do stuff to rush rush along it's like when you see people um standing too close to the road on the sidewalk waiting for the light to change yeah like you're giving yourself a second yeah and just the risk reward of getting across the road quicker oh yeah as opposed to a car hitting you yes like it's really gonna hurt yeah it's really gonna hurt yeah it's like seeing somebody run across like four lanes of traffic to catch a bus you're like there's no way that

is gonna work out well you win if you get on a bus your life is already not going as planned so i would start doing things differently first things yeah every and the other one is when people talk on their phone like they get out of their car and they get a call and now they're like they're not even standing close to their car and traffic's whizzing by and they're like standing with a metal thing and other metal things and if if that goes wrong you're gonna get swirled to death and possibly leave one of the strangest messages on a phone ever. Hey, it's Johnny. Swirl. I'm imagining you get swept into a street sweep. One of those accordion buses

just catches your shirt. Stop swirling me, bro. I remember reading a story about a model. Maybe it was it was at heather mills did heather mills lose her leg yes later in life yep oh motorcycle okay so this is different got hit by a police motorcycle she was crossing the street we're on the phone uh no but i just think like i just think about that every time i cross the street like oh i don't want to lose my foot you know like because i never thought of that as a possibility.

I just thought, like, you would get hit. I didn't think about losing a part of yourself. Yeah, but you'd get a lot of fun sympathy. Yeah, that's true. Like, everyone would be like, oh, Graham missed a foot. Lord lost a foot. Let's, you know. He's also married to Ringo.

Yeah. And you'd also get the opportunity for assortment of attachments. Oh, that's true. Street sweeper attachments. Do you think you would get sympathy married by a beetle? Yeah. Well, one of them. Maybe Paul again.

He loves love. Yeah, that's when he found out. It's only when all his subsequent spouses were all missing that leg that he realized, oh, oh, he has a thing. Oh, this is what that song was about. Yesterleg. Leggy in the sky with diamonds. I can't think of it either. Legget B.

That's the one. Good stuff. We wish her the best. Now, we also get overheard sent in to us by listeners from around the world. If you want to be one of those people, send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Lucy C. Ooh, in the sky with legs. Yeah, leg in the sky.

A couple of years ago, when I was a grad student at York University in Toronto. Name dropper. Yeah, quit bragging. I was walking across campus and happened to catch this exchange between two male students. Guy one, so do you think redheads can be security guards? Guy two looks off into the distance to seriously consider the question after a few seconds he turns back to his friend i mean probably but no have you ever seen a redheaded security yeah i mean but judging by all the other security guards i see i don't

think they discriminate like the guy who shows up gets to be security guard yeah yeah it's not like it's not like there's five openings a year 20 20 000 applications they're not navy seals sometimes they're navy seals who've made a mistake oh yeah yeah and then uh if they get locked in the building with the terrorists then that navy seal training what if it was a navy seal guy kicked out for being really bad at being a navy seal and then he's the only guy that's the thin line between the terrorists oh yeah the rest of society and then they're like oh phew that navy seal's on board wait he was the worst what do you call that movie oh something something kevin james stars as

has there ever been a major motion picture with shitty in the title hefty seal uh no yeah uh wait nope nope i was trying to think of uh shit my dad says yeah uh oh yeah yeah there you go um uh the elven of the Chipmunks, another shitty sequel. It's another shitty squeakquel. Yeah. That was my bet. This next one comes from Dan in New York City. Oh, wow.

Ooh, la, la, la, la, la, dee, da, dee, da. This internet gets everywhere. Oh, absolutely. At a music festival in Connecticut, there was a magazine called Headspace, and the cover story was, glow sticks, friend or foe? Friend. Depends what you're doing with them. Yeah, raving?

Friend, right? Drinking them? I generally don't,'t like befriend objects like i don't i don't hang out with them do you consider your television a friend or a foe i neither i consider neither your uh classes oh neither wow they're all just things they're tools yeah they're great but my friends are tools that's pretty good uh and this last one comes to us from sheila parts unknown yeah but she was in a target so wherever target is america yeah or parts of canada in target small child runs up to an adult and says dad i've been looking for this my whole life paprika

she could also be a terrorist that's in her target oh right yeah yeah yeah yeah that was in my target yeah oh so i hope that kid's all right. Yeah. The kid that just discovered paprika. Has there been a bombing lately where paprika went everywhere? Yeah. Something, something, spice, something. Spice world? Yeah. Dave, are there other overheards?

Tell me more. Tell me more overheards. Dave? I have three more for me more overheards. Dave? I have three more for you. Go on. They're from people with telephones. If you have a telephone, you can send us an overheard through it. Here's the magic you need to put into your phone.

Yeah. Paprika. Yeah. 206-339-8328. That's it. That's all. I just thought of one. Okay.

It wasn't overheard, but I think it's in the spirit of the show. Here we go. I was in England. It was a really hot day, and I had jeans on, and they had holes in the knees. So I had a long walk to do, so I walked into a gas station, and I said, do you have any scissors? And they said yes, and I just cut the legs off of my jeans, and the woman went, now I've seen everything.

No, you haven't. And you bent over more. Yeah, unless that was the end of quite a journey for her she really every other himalayas she would she had lived such a life and was now unwinding in that gas station she has told that story to so many friends you have made her whole like dinner party conversation for the next like years and years i thought maybe he had a tag on his shirt i didn't yeah and a loose whisker he needed to get rid of i didn't know i thought he was gonna stab me in the neck yeah but i gave it to him yeah he had very trusting eyes and and he had holes in his jeans. And very white legs.

And he cut his jeans super short so that the pockets were hanging down. Yeah, exactly. Everybody could see his buns. I'm doing a car wash. I need your scissors. Excuse me, miss. I'm doing a car wash across the street. Can you honk some man watch car wash?

Can you just stand with a bucket of soapy water and a sponge on any corner and just start a car wash? I think so, yeah. The sexier the better. Absolutely. It's what the squeegee kids never figured out. It's what they wanted. Sex sells. Oh, yeah.

Come on, squeegee kids. Cut them shorts. Let's see those track marks. On your legs. 206-339-8328. Like these people here. Hi, Graham and Dave and guests. My name is Jennifer.

I'm calling from California. My family and I just moved to San Jose, and we're pretty excited to be in a house, and we get the newspaper every day. So today was our third day in the newspaper. I went outside to get it, and Hulk Hogan's on the front of the newspaper. So I'm walking inside saying, Hulk Hogan news. It's the Hulk Hogan news.

And I hear my son, my four-year-old son, say to my husband, why is mom saying that? I don't like it. I do. Your kid's wrong. Sometimes kids are wrong, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's a cool song. I love Hulk Hogan.

That doesn't hold up in court, by the way. What? Sometimes kids are wrong? Sometimes your kids are wrong, Your Honor. Make a lot of things up. Now, just put the hearing test on. Yeah. I can't understand why the newspaper industry is dying if they're putting hulk hogan

on the cover this is the last gasps they're like we'll do anything hulk hogan injures self injure self others you talk to rupert murdoch you talk to conrad black they'll all tell you, Hulk sells. Here are the things that sell. Hulk, sex, Star Wars. Yeah. If it bleeds, it leads. And Hulk bleeds. Yeah. Do you have a picture of Hulk Hogan in cut-off shorts?

Because if you do... I'm sure that exists. Yeah, come on, Photoshop. Yeah. Yeah, this is them sitting down, their editors. Yeah. Yeah, this is the 11th hour. Oh, we don't have a lead story yet.

Well, get the Hulk picture with the shorts out again. Yeah, how does your son still do Photoshop stuff? I mean, the Incredible Hulk only wears cut-off shorts. Yeah. Ripped off. He would never cut. Hulk cut. Yeah, Hulk borrow scissors.

Well, now I've really seen everything. I'll give you that one, man. I didn't see that coming either. Here's your next phone call. Hey, guys. This is Matt from New York calling with an overseen. I was walking down the streets of Manhattan Avenue here and was walking towards a guy who was eating a banana, but he had peeled the banana and is holding it somewhere in the middle,

which I found odd. But anyway, we're walking towards each other, and behind him comes a bike messenger, goes whizzing by him, and totally scares the crap out of him. And in his startled state, he squeezed the banana really hard, and the bottom half, the bottom third fell on his shoe, and the top third just kind of laid there. And as he went to grab it, it also fell to the ground.

So he was left with nothing but a handful handful of mushy banana that's like somebody he just like got in a fight with somebody he's like i don't need the peel i'll show you yeah you know walk around and hold it all day like a cigar oh wow yeah that really just ruined his whole thing man um. I mean, it's proof that God exists. Oh, sure. It's the handhold ability of the banana. Have you seen that Kirk Cameron video? No.

Oh, well, it's Kirk Cameron and a dude. And they're like, hey, evolutionists, here's the proof that evolution didn't happen. It's like a banana exists and you can just hold it. But, like, can't. I think I'm simplifying it even more. But, like, their logic is wrong. I know, but I feel like there's a banana exists and you can hold it.

It doesn't prove anything about anything. It proves matter. It just proves that bananas exist. You know, they fit other places too. I'd like to see that as also proof. Explain that,

evolutionary. You know where my G-spot is? Oddly. I mean, we do have one. Men have one. Somewhere under these short shorts. I mean, God designed the human body.

He doesn't make mistakes, people. Ask bananas for Jesus. That's my bumper sticker. It's upside down. That's right. People with It's upside down so people can't read it. That's right. People with bad necks are offended. Or flipped cars. Here is your vinyl overheard.

Fuck you, guys. Ass bananas. They're just bananas. Right? You don't call them mouth bananas when you eat them. They're all just bananas, Glenn. I like to make sure there's a definition just so I don't end up eating an ass banana. Once they've been an ass banana, they do not become mouth bananas.

You're right about that. You are right about that. You've been right about a lot of things tonight. Hey there. This is Blaine from Ottawa. I'm a preschool teacher, so I hear a lot of good stuff. One of the kids today was having

a rough day, and he was sitting in the middle of some play food, and he picked up a fake piece of cake, and he said, Why can't this cake be real? Why is all this food taunting me? What kind of fake piece of cake? I think I missed the first part. It was play food.

Oh, fun. Like toys. Oh, wait, that's not fun. That's the opposite of fun. Yeah, I can't imagine. Is it actual thighs, or are you taunting the kids into swallowing tiny little cakes? I don't know. Sadly, I know what it is.

It's such a crappy toy, too. what it is like that's um it's such a crappy toy too and i think it's got a it's kind of like the um the uh the pumpkin pie mix where it's you know a lot of times you it just gets given to charity so it's just horrible so it's like toy four kids are looking at toy food like here's a toy of a carton of eggs. I'm hungry. Go play with your toys. That makes me hungrier. Yeah. I played with my drumstick

all afternoon. I want a real drumstick. Oh lordy. Well, you know what? Uh-huh. It's the end of this here show. Uh-huh. Come to the end of the road.

Oh, gentlemen., you made it. Streak broken. 288 episodes without a barf. Now, Glenn, if people want to find you online, they want to see you live, where should they go? The internet. Yeah, yeah. Internet.com. Yeah, Twitter. You can follow me on twitter uh what

are you on twitter glenn wool two n's yes two n's two o's i gotta get my facebook thing around because i've got like 5 000 friends now and i haven't figured out how to get these are rich people problems yeah these are popular well then how come I'm not rich? I'd like to know the same thing about me. Yeah. Yeah. Why do I only get the problems? Yeah.

Yeah. These first world problems. All I'm getting is the problems. When's the first world stuff going to kick in? So people can find out about the Lumberjacks tour. Yeah. And if you're listening in England, you have a lot of English listeners. Yeah, we have some.

Yeah. Absolutely. I don't know if we have a lot. Ahoy, English listeners. Yeah, you get it. You get that reference. Come on, Graham Bell. And thanks for being our guest. You can call me Alex.

Hey, George. Yeah. Ahoy, Alex. I called my cell phone, so I thought you were George. George Wool. Sorry about those calls. Those were about two in the morning last night. Oh, your dad is a hooker.

Yeah. Weird. Thanks for being our guest. Thanks for having me. And happy birthday. Yeah, and happy birthday. Oh, thank you. Yeah, man.

Thanks for getting me all these pre- Old acquaintance be forgot. We're not allowed to- Nelson Mandela is a- Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you edited that out, Dave. Don't put it at the end of the show. is it? Oh, no. I thought you edited that out, Dave.

Don't put it at the end of the show. Dave, anything to plug? This Friday, I believe, at the Little Mountain Gallery here in Vancouver, Rap Battles. I will be rapping. Rapping. And this weekend I will be at the Bluebridge Comedy Festival. In Victoria.

Victoria, BC. Why the strange, why the puzzle look? When do you come back? I'll be back on Monday. I think we're recording on Sunday, aren't we? Yeah, not this weekend. Oh!

Next weekend, when this comes out. Dave! I feel like a real... A real, real tool. Some of my friends are tools, too. I'll be at the Blue Bridge Comedy Festival. You can find out at bluebridgecomedy.ca.

There's a blue bridge in Victoria. Yeah, because there's that blue bridge. It lifts up. Downtown. Blue. It's a bridge. I don't know how else to describe it. Does it go across something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not one of those bridges. Yeah, yeah. Someone screwed up. Someone was playing SimCity, a real amateur. Yeah, it just built it parallel to a road. They swear a lot when they play cards. Blue Bridge.

You like fun. I do like fun. And Glenwell, full of it. Yeah, of it yeah the fun and he's fun if you want to get in touch with us it's spy at maximum fun.org or 206-339-8328 and check us out at maximum fun.org the blog recap yeah we'll have uh i don't know pictures of gluten yeah a picture of gluten a video of uh heather mills maybe dancing Yeah, a picture of gluten. A video of Heather Mills, maybe dancing. A Photoshop picture of Nelson Mandela that, out of context, is going to get you in a lot of trouble. Yeah, maybe not. Hulk Hogan in cut-off jean shorts, if you can find it.

Won't be hard to find. With a Nelson Mandela head. Oh, I get it now. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.