Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 289 - Jayden Pfeifer

Episode Date: September 30, 2013

Jayden Pfeifer returns to talk Pauly Shore, bowling, and fight avoidance.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 289 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who believes in blurred lines, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah. Hit song.

Hit song. Probably, arguably the song of the summer or no? Inarguably. Oh, really? The argument is solved. Yeah. Song of the Summer, or no? Inarguably. Oh, really? The argument is solved. Yeah. Song of the Summer. Yeah. Well, I don't know that other, the Daft Punk one.

That never reached number one. This was number one for nine, at least nine weeks. It didn't reach number one? Yeah. Peaked at number two. Wow. Yeah. Lots of them.

Blurred lines. You wanna hug me? There you go. See? I knew you'd eventually take the bait and sing it lines! You wanna hug me? There you go, see? I knew you'd eventually take the bait and sing it. What rhymes with hug me? Hey, everybody. I'm Robin Thicke now. Does he sing his own name in the song?

Robin Thicke's here. My dad's on groin pains. I meant growing pains. Groin pains? Not groin pains. Groin pains. Yeah, Alan Thicke in groin pains. He played this groin pains. Groin pains? Not groin pains. Groin pains. Yeah, Alan Thicke in groin pains. He played this groin doctor.

And his son Mike. Every week it was a new hilarious way that somebody hurt their groin. Yeah. Oh, it was New Year's Eve. The New Year's Day where a champagne cork hit a guy's groin. And there were always, you know on WKRP how Les Nesman always had a band-aid on a different part of his body? Yeah. They had the same joke, but with penis-shaped band-aids.

That was very risky for its time. Yeah, well. And our guest today, third-time guest, very funny, improviser, producer, all the way from Regina, Saskatchewan, Mr. Jaden Pfeiffer. Hello, gentlemen. Hello! Oh, you guys have a lot of fun in here. And you're in on it.

I am laughing as quietly as possible away from the mic. No, no, get in on it. Laugh. You remember groin pains. The best use of Show me that groin again. Show me that groin. Don't waste another minute on your kegels.

Oh, and you also see women's groins? Men and women's groins. Of course. Women have groins, too. I never thought see women's groins? Yeah. Men and women's groins. Of course. Women have groins, too. I never thought about women's groins. Never. Everyone does that.

Gross, guys. I don't know. Gross isn't the word I was going to use. I was going to say, hilarious. Should we get to know us? Cha-cha. Get to know us? Cha-cha. Get to know us. Jaden, you're in town for the Vancouver International Improv Festival.

And happy to be so. Yeah. Will this be out? No. No. It'll already have happened by the time. This will be out. Joke's on you, listeners.

Yeah. But tune in this time next year. I'm sure it'll stay. Emily? And so you're here in rainy Vancouver. Yeah. The whole week. Yeah, for the week, yeah.

And what are you going to do? Oh, lots of make-em-ups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lots of jokes. Really going to work on my props this year. What's this year's most popular prop? Oh, it's got to be like a foam banana. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like a thing that you wouldn't normally use in a scene, but then you do. Oh, right. A tennis racket, but you're like, oh, bing, bing, bing, banjo. Yeah, a tennis racket can do a lot. It could be a fly swatter. It could be a tennis racket. It could be a badminton racket. It could be a squash racket. Guys, this is exactly what the festival's like yeah um sounds really

good now uh as an improvizer okay uh do you notice uh trends in the suggestions you get from the crowd like um yeah is my is twerking yeah is that a big thing uh yeah depending on the show like um like i will i'll often do like corporate uh improv like entertainment and there's a lot of like the eagles and doobie brothers yeah they reference those things a lot um hotel california all right we'll do another sketch about that yeah desperado again um so yeah if you do shows like that when people are asked for suggestions it's a lot of the same things um i wouldn't even say they were they'd be as pop culture savvy as twerking right um but you know uh i know for a fact like um taz van rassel has been on your show before yeah yeah uh does a lot of like high school

shows or like youth shows or has in the past. And I think that's a thing he puts up with a lot. Oh really? Yeah. I referenced before, just like whatever, whatever was the thing that happened last night is the, is the next day's suggestion with the show.

Invasion of Syria. Team Breezy. Yeah. Um, oh yeah. Kids are like up on the world of it events just whatever's happened on tv the night before um jim and pam got together um so like uh corporate improv i assume is a lot like corporate stand-up yeah but you guys

probably do one more where you have to like, do you have to learn things about the people at the company? Not really. I mean, you can, like, I know that companies do that where they do research in advance. Right. But I'm far too lazy to do that.

So you just show up and you're like, yeah. And you just do it during the show anyway, because you get them up as, as audience or like you get audience members up to like be volunteers in scenes. And so you just ask them questions. And then,

I mean, honestly, if you use the boss's name, they're like guys are magicians yeah so uh you can though there are shows where they'll ask you to like specifically like hey we want you to like learn a few things they'll like send you information you know jerry's a terrible golfer yeah things like that yeah uh this one guy he doesn't speak very good english so we can all make fun of him yeah he won't know um yeah it's uh uh because like i've heard about that like where it's like they've been sent all this stuff in advance and then it's like make a make a scene of you know

so-and-so's life and it has like like you say like, I woke up and had decaf coffee, and they're like, Again? Genie? We work with a genie. We work with genie, yeah. And our only wish was caffeinated coffee. You rubbed the lamp wrong. Do you think that strippers ever have to do that when they do a corporate event

we want you to learn a little bit about me yeah like you mean for like uh yeah a corporate party i don't know maybe in like a uh a boys club kind of yeah I think like the wolf on wall street or whatever like I think companies like tap out probably have strippers at their corporate events at the tap out staff retreat yeah they go into the woods

yeah and then there's just strippers there and it's like oh if you can if you can incorporate this into your stripping sketch do they do do they like at their corporate retreat, do they do, like... Team building?

Yeah, team building and trust exercises and also strippers. Trust kills. Yeah, the trust exercise is that you let your co-worker choke you until you're nearly passing it. And then he backs off with the last thing. Or he doesn't. Yeah, or he doesn't and you die. But you have to trust him. Don't put backs off with the last thing. Or he doesn't. Yeah, or he doesn't, and you die. But you have to trust him. Don't put up a fight.

That's how we learn. I've never... I know people who have full-time jobs who've gone on retreat type of things. Have you ever done that? I have once for a... Like, I've performed at them, certainly, but I've been to a staff retreat before.

What are they like? Have you done this? Staff retreats? Not where not where you like go out of town okay that you've done one where you went out of town oh yes i want to hear it was just it was just not good it was i assume that it was not good it was it was just one night we went away to um the employer was like the business i worked for was great but um it was just ill-conceived and they brought out like these people to do like motivational uh like team building exercises and stuff during the next day the problem was that the group i was with were all theater people right so like about half an hour into the day you could see them looking around like oh we all

have heard all of this before and we could deliver this material stronger than these people are doing it so then it was a bit of a it was a bit of a long day but there is a very funny thing that happened on that or i think that was funny which is get to it my boss it's like anyway my boss at the time had a limp uh because he had because he had like a he had a club foot okay um like he got hurt in the club yeah yeah it was clubbed he was clubbing clubbed his foot was clubbed to death yeah and anyway so he sorry to our clubfoot listeners anyway we like everyone knew it like we all knew that that was a thing right and then we were having like a campfire the one night we were there and he was like let's play

uh two truths and a lie do you know that game yeah uh so you say three things and two are true ones a lot and people have to guess yes i have to guess and he was like he was like okay two truths and a lie and it was and it was like like my name is bill and it was yeah i have a club foot and i've been to the moon like i can't remember what it was but like the lie was so outlandish and we were like oh well that's the lie he was like you're right yeah good job you guys yeah yeah this game's fun it's fun if you play by the rules. Does anyone know what a club foot is? It's like, isn't it like a, it's like, like, it's like your foot is still a foot, but it's like a, like a claw. Sure.

Like it's. So no. No, it's, I don't know what it is. It's just, I guess just. All right. A slightly, I guess like slightly abnormal. Yeah. I agree with that.

I mean, in his case, it caused him to limp slightly yeah i bet you the same shoes i think so oh yeah just having one special shoe i never really analyzed his shoes yeah well that's think about it he always wore a giant boot yeah during the game two shoes and a lot um yeah well uh that's weird i've never played never played that type of game so any yeah like and i feel like there's always somebody who lets slip something that they're like oh yeah oops you know like uh one of i slept with his sister and you're like whoa wait a minute isn't there one that's like a drinking game where you say, like, something about yourself and anyone who has that in common with you has to take a drink? Yeah. That sounds very, yeah.

And you're supposed to reveal, like, super embarrassing stuff in that. To see if somebody would drink with you. Yeah. That's a team-destroying exercise. Yeah. Now, you've also performed at these retreats like you have to go out of town and perform at these things a couple times yeah do you have to stay over uh i i haven't but i i mean you could i suppose but i had i haven't stayed over i always just

went home oh that would just be the greatest if you just like showed up the next day at breakfast then they're all like oh there was guys not getting the hint he's just here for the show yeah we did a staff retreat like three three of like as many years ago we did a staff retreat out at like this sort of lodge or whatever and the workplace was almost exclusively uh female yeah and so there was about 50 women and we like came out like we're just like hokey improv nerds or like i'm the wacky mailman and they were like take your shirt off they were so insistent this place that was mostly female yeah it was all it was all and so i like we like wrote it out through the first scene in the second scene they were like they kept like chanting it so then i took my shirt off and then i just left it off yeah yeah i just did all the scenes like i just was always a guy who didn't have a shirt on yeah i've been

shipwrecked yeah i was yeah it wasn't sexy i was just like oh it's laundry day what i've been attacked by bird eating or shirt eating birds eating shirts same i um what do people yell out once they're like take off your shirt you're like all right yeah and then they're like oh i think they hoped it would be like really sexy and i just obliged them yeah all right i mean it's not cold in here sure wash my car yeah yeah put on a different shirt now take that one try on outfits we want to do a makeover montage in our minds. Oh, man. Cut your hair. So what else is happening?

Tell us a tale about Jaden Pfeiffer. I don't know. It's fall now. Summer's over. I'm excited about that. Yeah? Not me. I miss summer.

Do you? Oh, boy. Yeah. Yeah. Sitting on the dock of the bay. Surfing excited about that. Yeah. Not me. I miss summer. Oh, boy. Yeah. Yeah. Sitting on the dock of the bay. Surfing. On the boardwalk. Surfing USA. Yep.

Surfing the web. Yeah. Spinning a web. Yeah. Go on. Those are all the things I did, too. Yeah. I'm kind of back in.

I took a bit of the summer off as much as one can when they're self-employed. Like I tried to like not work for a few weeks. And how'd that work out? It was amazing. Yeah? Yeah, it was like being in high school again where you get a summer off. Oh, yeah. It was incredible.

Like I just didn't work on anything, like, you know, little things that you have to. But for the most part, I took like almost all of July off. So you were like Pauly Shore in Encino, man. Yeah. Like you were just like you get up go to the go to the circle k you wheeze the jews yeah um he's a high school student in that movie yeah but that's what he said like during high school where you just have the summer on but it's during the school year in that movie yeah but isn't that what you did didn't you go to school

take care of the summer school Befriend a caveman? I'm trying to get my GED. Yeah, and then... Did you know that Linkovich Chmielowski? Yep. He's the Encino man in that movie. Did you know that he's the crestiest vato I've ever witnessed? I don't know what any of that means is that a

polyshore yes it is too too deep yeah the cuts are too deep um how did uh like polyshore still around right yeah he's still uh he's still with us yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. He toured to the Casino Regina. Did stand-up last year. Really? Did you see it? I was out of town, but I was supposed to be his opener. Oh, wow. I got a call to be his opener.

But I was booked. I think I was coming to Vancouver, actually. Wow. So I didn't get the gig. Do you know who did? I do know who did, yeah. And? I actually, now that I think about it, I never asked him about the show.

But the other thing that happened was that a friend of mine wanted to do the show. Like, I had said, like, oh, this guy could open. He's pretty funny. Yeah. And they're like, oh, no, no, we don't want somebody funny. And in the interim, this other guy got chosen, I think. And then there was this like falling out via email between the casino people and my friend about like why he wasn't chosen

and stuff it was so it was so involved for being a 10 minute opener for paul yeah yeah it was this like involved email drama about like who like gets the right to open for Pauly Shore? Whoever can recite the most obscure line from Encino Man. And or Biodome. I've never saw Biodome. I think I've seen... Did you see In the Army now? Yeah, I've seen In the Army now. I definitely saw Jury Duty.

I think the only one I've seen is Son-in-Law, but about ten times. Son-in-Law is on a farm? Yeah, the second half of it. Who's the girl friend? I can't remember her name, but she's in Sin City. Carla Gugino? Yes, that's who it is. Carla Gugino.

From the Bon Jovi video. Oh! With Keri Russell. Lay Me Down on a Bed of Roses? Lay Me Down on a Bed of Hay. Lay me down on a bed of hay. Away in a manger. It's a Bon Jovi song. Away in a manger.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so that's what he's... I can't picture what Pauly Shore's act is. I assume he goes to the Gathering of the Juggalos. Yes. Like that's the place for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's about it.

I read a whole like a whole thing, like a whole account of a group of bloggers went down there and like observed. Blogalos? Yeah. and uh they said that it was a lot more civil than it sounded like it was a lot kind of more boring than than what you would think the gathering i feel like probably every other person there is is just documenting it yeah like there's only about 10 juggalos actually there if you went down yeah it would just be a bunch of people sitting in a circle with laptops looking at each other like everyone's just typing here It's all anybody does

Nobody went to any of the shows I wanted to make fun of Roddy Piper Mostly people just have lattes and they're looking for Wi-Fi But they just said like it just said it like there weren't like fights and there weren't fire No, it's family, bro Yeah, yeah, that's all it was uh it seemed like i mean it seemed still sounded gross oh yeah but it didn't sound like because i thought it was like you know like post-apocalyptic like uh road warrior style you know like it's just

whatever was the strongest group of juggalos just kind of owned the whole place yeah why would you keep going why would people come back a second time oh we got we got uh yeah well we got beaten up and all our stuff got taken yeah this is our year let's go see triangle get it back i guess yeah we're juggalo local 45 when paulie shore's doing the comedy tent i want to see what he's up to yeah um but yeah speaking of uh scary clowns you read the news story about this uh the town and it's in britain where these scary clowns are just hanging out in the town yeah northampton i think yeah yeah and they're not doing they're not doing anything what makes them scary because like some people are just scared of clowns yeah i think they're just i think the idea is like they, I don't, there's a photo of one of them.

I don't think they're dressed up scary, per se. It's just that they're, like, just sort of standing in a square. Yeah, they're not doing clown stuff. Watching everybody. Oh, okay. They're just being sort of sinister. Yeah, they're just, but they're not doing anything illegal. But they're just freaking people out.

And they think that it's it started as anyone just tried talking to them um i don't know they sent in the mime squad yield no results sent in the guys who stand as statues for hours and hours they did nothing uh no because like i guess you can't it's like discrimination i guess i guess you can't just arrest a clown for being a clown. Yeah. Can you tell him to go away? And you send out the clowns.

Sawed off you lot. Yeah. You have to just drive a tiny car into the square and open the doors and they all like jump in. It's a trap, guys. Drive the car. We can't resist it though. It's so tiny. Let's see how many of us can get in here

uh yeah they just have that like uh handkerchief that comes out of the sleeve and it just follow like they just keep putting it back in the sleeve and it just goes right out of town or you could just yeah i guess you could just kill them like you know oh why didn't we think of it just get some rifles that's a town meeting like we've tried all these elaborate traps has anyone just thought of just shooting all yeah good point whenever there's like an infestation of deer or rabbits uh around like the idea of an infestation of deer well when there's too many of them they they're like well uh we're gonna kill them all yeah or most of them and they always ask like on the street, what do you think about this?

I guess it's wrong. They can't stay at my house. But then they still go ahead and do it. So I think that's probably what would happen with the clowns. If there's too many clowns. Yeah, I mean. They become a pestilence. Yeah.

A plague of clowns. A gestal many clowns yeah i mean they become a pestilence yeah i uh plague of clowns i a gestalence oh yay thank you and and so that's the end of the podcast yeah i think i'm gonna fly home now uh yeah i don't know i just saw that news story it's just like i feel like i hope that's all there is to it. I hope it's not like, you know, viral marketing for, you know, clown something. Clown mobile. We got the craziest rates. Oh, wait, no. Guys, clown Joe bile.

Oh, wait, that doesn't work. No, no, no, sorry. So, yeah. So you had a great summer. Nice relaxing summer. Have a great summer, Hags. Yeah. And then what's going on in the fall? Anything, what's upcoming?

Upcoming? I, just last night actually, I mean, I had the season launch of my monthly comedy show in Regina, so that was like, I'd been working on that. Red Hot Riot. Red Hot Riot, which you've appeared on. Yeah. And so that was just, I mean, I don't know, 14 hours ago or something. So it's all blur.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like. I want to blur it out. All those other groin pains. Yeah. It's like when you hear about like people on oscar night you know they're just like oh yeah and then now here i am i haven't slept yet um are the emmys was that last night no they're

tonight oh cool uh if you're listening to this um congratulations emmy winners yes congratulations to all the emmy winners condolences big and To all the people we lost this year. Let's see them on. Yeah. So like, and your theater that you run in Regina, for anybody who lives in Regina, hasn't been, The Artesian. Yeah. Fantastic place. Yeah. It's just full of old video games and it's $4 an hour.

Wonderland. It's a different place? Might as well be the same place. The only two places in the city. Yeah, there are other places, right? I can't think of any. Oh, the casino. The Pauly Sherman Memorial.

He was in the montage on the Emmys. They're like, we should name something after him. Who wants him? Regina was like, we got this. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I guess every year when a celebrity dies, there must be like a rush of small towns to name a thing after that. Yeah, like their grandfather was from there. Yeah, so that they can like.

Okay, as long as it's like somewhat related to him. Not every small town is like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, just everybody like, we claim. Yeah, the Pauly Shore Boulevard. is yeah yeah yeah no just everybody like we claim yeah polyjore boulevard the polyjore airport it's really upping tourism yeah well uh you know that's the thing i feel like small towns probably have meetings often where they've got to like pitch what kind of yeah it's like the annual lottery.

But, like, isn't it like, well, shouldn't we do some weird thing? Like, have a clown show up and put us on the map? Oh, yeah. You know, like, do some kind of weird... Like, you had the Squirrel King in Redon. Right, the Squirrel King. I don't think it was a publicity stunt. I think it was like a travesty of nature. No, I think it was for Squirrel King auto repair.

Squirrel King mobile. Yeah, so, well, yeah, like I say, if anybody in Regina hasn't been to the Artesian, check it out. That was the weekend that you were there in June. It was just so wonderful. It was the opening of the Rough Riders season. That's right, it was. And I was walking in downtown Regina, and there was nobody around except just the weirdest people. Weirdest people that didn't know.

Yeah, downtown is near the stadium, and so usually downtown empties out, and it becomes sort of a zombie apocalypse for a few hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, great patio seating. Yeah. If people don't know, the Rough rough riders are the local gay porn team yeah yeah and the cowboy local gay porn team yeah and everybody goes to see them yeah you would do yeah if that was a thing that people did then yeah like i don't want to be the weirdo who doesn't go. No, absolutely.

I want to be the weirdo who does. It's our gay porn team playing today. Both teams win. Well, Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Well, this week has been a bit of a wash. Yeah.

A bit of a lot of washing. Abby was out of town visiting her mother on the island. Yeah. And I bought a video game. Oh, yeah. Which one? Which is not something I do very often. Lee Carvello's Golf.

Well, two weeks ago, I bought the new hockey game for hockey people. Yeah, yeah. Hockey game 2013. Yeah, hockey squadron. Ultimate hockey squadron. Sticks and skates. XXL. Yeah.

Ice masters. Yeah. Unrated version. Yeah. This week, I... You're allowed to have a gun. Yeah. It's like the running man.

You're approaching the goalie and you pick one weapon to shoot the goalie in the face. um but uh uh most recently and it's weird that these two came out a week apart because i i do only buy a game a year yeah um but so your game the game vault is amped like you've spent yeah i've gotten the next two two years of games taken care of uh the grand Theft Auto video game for stealing cars at Killing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, don't you have sex with prostitutes also? I don't know. I've had sex with a stripper so far. But that wasn't in the game.

She came to my corporate retreat. Yeah. No, I fell in love with her. Yeah, absolutely. That would be great if you just had unrequited love in this game. Yeah. There's got to be one character that doesn't... He just drives safely.

He wants to keep his insurance rates low. But, like, you just play him, and then you just see cars speeding past, and you're like, whoa! That was a close one. Yeah, big chase going on. Nobody gets hurt uh so i uh it's fun and great and everything but like i as an adult even as like a teenager if i would play video games for hours on end like i i remember in high school i would like rent a video game on a friday yeah and then by saturday afternoon i would be like like i feel just so guilty and like disgusting and like what am i doing with my life there are 13 achievers out there. And as I've gotten older, the amount of time it takes for me to feel that way is shorter.

And so, like, immediately upon, like, owning this video game, I felt like trash. And did you immediately think of the teen achievers? Yeah, exactly. There's still teens out there achieving. Yeah. And so what I did, I did one thing this week that wasn't video game related. Last night, Abby's friend's birthday. We went bowling.

And it was 10-pin bowling, which I didn't know existed in Vancouver. So much more fun. Yeah, where's that? At the Grandview Lanes on Commercial. Oh, yeah. They only have four lanes of it, I think. existed in vancouver uh so much more fun yeah where's that at the grand view lanes on commercial oh yeah they only have four lanes of it i think ten pin yeah so heavy so so ouchy on your arms it's so ouchy on my thumb yeah your video game thumb my gaming thumb my gaming didge uh and uh i did uh two of my favorite bowling moves one when I rolled the ball and it was going

down the middle and I was like oh this is a good one and I turned my back on it on the alleyway and I did that Hulk Hogan hand to the ear thing just to listen to see if I had gotten the strike and I didn't but I still fist pumped

and then I looked over and I didn't. The ball stopped halfway down the lane. But the other thing I didn't do on purpose. And I'm used to, I think I've only done 10 pin bowling once in my life. Yeah. You make fun of it, but it's like, that arm is going to hurt. That's a heavy ball. And your fingers?

And the five pin, you just grip it and rip it. Yeah, yeah. You set it and forget it. That's what all their t-shirts say. Yeah, yeah. But the ten pin, you put your two fingers in and the thumb. Go on. No, slow down.

I just can't. Just watching Dave demonstrate is so gross. Yeah. What you gotta do. Well, and I don't know what size ball I am. No, no. And they're different. Some you can't even get in.

Yeah, no, that's true. Every ball's different. And then can't even get in. Yeah, that's true. Every ball's different. And then some are way too big. And then some you can get the... Are just right. And how far do you want your fingers to get in? Because you want the ball to slip out of your fingers easily when you're rolling. You don't want to...

And do you lube your fingers up? Well, I do. Bowling lube? I'm not embarrassed to admit it. Yeah. I keep a glove full of Vaseline, like that character of Mice and Men. Yeah, yeah. Johnny Soft Hand.

Mm-hmm. But what I did is, just one time, I did that thing where you're stepping closer to the line to bowl, and your arm comes back and the ball slipped out of my hand and went behind me. Into an old lady's face. Or like into a trophy case.

And someone's like, the championship! They're gonna find out that all our trophies are fake. It's your own cardboard. Ignore the man behind them. all our trophies are fake. It's your own cardboard. Yeah. Ignore the man behind them. Yeah, so that was embarrassing.

But it's like... I bet it happens like several times in evening. But I was the only one who did it in our party and there were like 15 people. Did you do the Fred Flintstone where you like try and tippy-toe up to the line? Those are the only bowling moves I know well also throwing it like uh like back instead of oh you know trying to put a spin on it sometimes you see that little english is that throw a little english yeah yeah a little

english to doctor the spin um what time is it four third thank you uh well the and there are like sometimes people would do the thing between the legs yeah yeah yeah um there was one person like i think i bowled um what's good 300 yeah i bowled 300 sure uh i'm in my first game and then i think in my second one i got like i got the hang of it and i bowled like 450. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. You want to bowl 1,000. That's like...

I know. What's your bowling handicap? Oh, boy. Probably my looks. Yeah. Is bowling a thing that's just going to go extinct? No. This was very popular with very young people.

Not very young. They were all twerking. But like everyone there was under 40. Really? Yeah. I think bowling alleys work pretty hard to market, unless they're like an old school place. I think their hit is like parties like youth events staff you know like their their markets like infections staff infections but there's no new bowling alleys

being built like nobody's like uh you know this this new mall is gonna have all the amenities yeah you know it's gonna have a whole foods a bowling alley state-of-the- a bowling alley? Yeah, you know, it's going to have a Whole Foods, a bowling alley, state-of-the-art bowling alley. And maybe nobody's building new bowling alleys because nothing about bowling has changed. Well, that's what I mean. They're not updating the game. Yes, it has. There's the... Glo-bowling?

Glo-bowling. Glo-bowling. I was in high school when they were doing that. Yeah. Well, what more do you want? I want Grand Theft Auto bowling. Oh, yeah. How come you can't throw the ball at other people while they're bowling?

Or, like, you know, like, dress the pins up like people that everybody hates. Yeah. One-direction bowling. And it's all the pins look like one direction. You knock them over. I'm sure they could do that. Yeah, well, I'm just spitballing right now because i want bowling to stay around it's weird though when there are people like because you go bowling and you have no idea if you're any good no but sometimes and it's weird when someone is good

and it's also like weird i don't know if you've ever gone bowling like when there are league players there but you really like you're like oh they get a strike every time like if you don't get a strike like you're letting the team down yeah and meanwhile like you're just like gutter ball after gutter like their balls never touch the gutter like ever it's always just like if they leave one pin up everybody's like you're the worst bowler here i've had the experience at bowling and at like laser quest oh yeah where you're there with like league players who just spend the whole thing rolling their eyes at how like poor your form is and yeah like where they're like you can hear them commenting i'm like oh this guy

i've had that at bowling alley where league players just sat and rolled their eyes at everything we did which is to say tried yeah yeah yeah we tried and they hated us you bowled every four years yeah you took four years off from your last i hate this guy i wish he was here every night um have you ever seen like been in a bowling alley that has working hand dryers no yes really yeah wow the one in regina that's 10 pin has like the hand dryer on the on the ball carousel or whatever. Wow. But I just lubed up my hand. Yeah, yeah.

Then you gotta dry it off. Yeah, it's for after you dry off your hands. Oh, okay. So that you can go shake hands. Is it a Dyson Airblade? Yeah. But that's what I mean. Like, there's no new, like, wow, we gotta...

Dyson's come out with their new bowling hand dryer. Well, there was... Like, it just is broken and then is never going to be repaired ever. They've, like, you know how the thing automatically keeps score for you? Yeah. And when you roll a strike or a spare, a little thing will come up that says strike or spare. In one of the lanes, it had, like, funky animations that were, like, 10 years newer than the other two lanes. Where like the bowling pins are like, or the bowling ball is like a cowboy and the

pins are like bandits and they like sick shoot them down. Or yeah, like one that's not as correct as the little cowboys in any deal. It's distributing blankets to them that have smallpox. They're like, wait wait this is not cool um yeah i just it's funny because there's uh must be a company that's making bowling pins bowling balls bowling gloves bowling shoes but and my bowling shoes had the year 2013 on them Yeah. Are you sure that's not just your size? Yeah. Well, I do have one size. I wear one size 20 and one size 13.

I have a club. Yeah. But, like, they must, their annual meeting must be like, sales are down again for the 50th year in a row. Because what was the zenith of bowling oh boy probably the 50s 50s and then maybe a resurgence in the 70s yeah i mean what what what when was bowling in pop culture kingpin big lebowski lebowski why not the 90s yeah i feel like there was an uptick in the 90s but but it was of mockery. You know what I mean? It's not like it was cool.

Like the way after Swingers, everyone mocked swing dancing. And all those bands got popular out of irony. The least appropriate band name ever, Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Yeah, Squirrel Nut Zippers. Squirrel Nut Zippers. They're probably still on tour. Yeah. Opening act, Pauly Shore.

Well, they do. They flip every night. Yeah. Big co-headline. It's like Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake. The Shore Zipper Tour. Like the kings of autumn. Shore Nut Zippers.

Yeah. I nut zippers. Yeah. I don't know. And every time that I go bowling, I think, this is the greatest. I'm going to go bowling all the time. It's going to be my new social thing that I never go again. Do you remember the ads in the 80s for something called Sports Bowl? No. Get started.

Was that a gadget? Get started. Was that a gadget? Get started. Sports, bowling. Hey, everybody. Bowling. So what is it? I don't know. It was just like, hey, take up bowling.

We're calling it a sport. Yeah, get into it. This counts towards your physical education. Yeah, yeah, exactly. This is a college credit, bowling. What is, okay, so if bowling is like a certain era and laser tag certainly is a certain era and paintball is a certain era what is this era's thing is it one of those trampoline places where it has so many tramp oh yeah and let you dunk a basketball yeah like what is it is there something you have a youth

is there something that the kids are like a thing of foam you can throw people in yeah just mostly like hunting people like hunting other human beings okay yeah yeah the game the most dangerous game yeah uh the game of hungers i don't know i don't know what the new thing is there's wonder yeah because like roller roller kades that was a thing at one point i mean there's all a lot of these overlap yeah they're all still around but i think that like what's the new thing that kids are like i want to go to that build a bear workshop that's true if people go to build a bear build a bear and then go i'm gonna do this every weekend why don't i do this this is an Why don't I do this all the time?

This is an experience I can't do without. I guess there's like LARPing. Oh yeah, that's kind of, but like, you don't go to like the LARP center that's off the highway. Yeah, you do. Oh, really? Yeah, the LARP center.

Sports LARP. Sports LARP. Get started. Get it. Get in it. LARP it. You're a wizard. Is that LARPing?

Wizards? I mean, I guess. I thought it was like knights and maidens. Yeah. It's all just elaborate sex play. I mean, maiden priest. Pre-sex play. Yeah, yeah.

Foreplay. Yeah. Days of your play. Not bad. Jesticles. Is that what That's for when you neuter a jester And you want him to feel like he has nuts In LARPing

Can you choose to be a court jester And you get killed But you just Do kind of like a late night monologue Yeah yeah These dwarves kilt yeah but you just uh yeah you just do kind of like a late night monologue yeah yeah you ever notice this these dwarves you know you ever notice how we're in a city park throwing bean bags at each other um now it i think it was in regina that there's like a comic book store downtown that has uh like it's like sanctuary for uh for the nerdly uh like are all playing um

dungeons and dragons there's like a whole room downstairs is that am i thinking you say sanctuary as though they are in danger of being killed they don't leave they stay there yeah i think well i think they're in danger just like you know like when you see them walking down the street like one's wearing like an incredible hulk t-shirt and the other one's wearing an Incredible Hulk silk button up shirt. Yeah. Bowling shirt. Yeah. Party shirt.

I don't know. I think if it's the place I'm thinking of. Yeah. Then it's got an upstairs and downstairs. Yeah. It's called Tramps. Yeah. Tramps.

Yeah. Yeah. It's mostly for tramps. Homeless men. It's actually trampolines. It's one of those places. Yeah. And they have have i think they have a whole setup for that yeah it was weird because i went into the comic book store part and it was like empty there was nobody in the comic book store but i could hear voices and i was like oh maybe somebody lives upstairs or downstairs yeah

there are just packed with nerds all playing games there There are places here that do that. And there's like Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments and stuff at the mall. Oh yeah. Warhammer 40,000. That's the other one. That's right. Something like that. Oh man. There's so many options for nerds now. Used to be only just like... It's a golden age.

Yeah. And now there's like even fewer options for non-nerds. What am I supposed to do? Go bowling again? Yeah. And Grand Theft Auto. Oh, that's true. Yeah, no. And now there's, like, even fewer options for non-nerds. Oh, yeah. It's like, what am I supposed to do? Go bowling again? Yeah. And Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Yeah, no nerds play that.

Graham. Yeah. What's up with you, my friend? Well, yesterday I nearly got in a fist fight. Okay. I know. And this is- It's you and your rage.

This is the thing. Now, I feel like this is a good story because it doesn't end with me getting in a fist fight. Violence is never the option. Well, it was one of these things where it was like, I'll tell the story and you'll see. But this guy, this was his first course of action was like i guess we're getting into this fight so i was trying to catch a bus and i uh the bus was sitting at the stop and there was a lot of people getting on and off so i was like i have enough time to run and catch this bus so i ran across the street and i was coming around the corner and there was a group of people that were like walking four wide and blocking the whole sidewalk so i like ran around them but there was a hedge so i ran on the tiny piece of grass

and i bumped the guy's shoulder and uh i could tell like as i did it i was like not good not good so i ran like really hard to catch the, and the bus driver saw me and drove away. I was like, I want to see these two fight. He just pulled away 40 feet and then stopped. Yeah. Looked in his mirror. Yeah, just put on his hazards. You should have just kept running.

I thought about it, because I stopped and I turned around, and he was standing there this guy now this this setup this is a guy who i think is there with his father or grandfather uh an old an old and one of one of our elders and then a woman and a child right family yeah you just bumped of bruisers yeah so i bumped the guy who was like my age. And, you know, at most it was an offense where somebody would turn around and be like, hey, watch it. End of story. Right? Like literally you could put the pieces together.

Oh, that person was trying to get around. I didn't move an inch to accommodate this. So we bumped shoulders. Hey, watch it. Jerko. Yeah. Whipper snapper. So I'm standing at the bus stop. I Jerko. Yeah, whippersnapper. So I'm standing at the bus stop. I turn around.

I see him, like, throw off his bag. And I was like, God damn it. Like, I was just like. I don't even have a bag to throw down. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm going to have to beat this guy up in front of his family. And that's kind of what I was like. I was like, that all the kind of stuff in my head as he was walking towards me I was like

is that a line of kind of like let's not do this in front of your kid right or or even that's not kid just in your that's not your kid that's not kid if that's short adult let's also not do it in front of him did you try that uh that tactic, which is I don't speak English? Yeah. I don't understand your customs. So he comes over very ready to get in a fight, and it's as he's approaching that I'm like, oh, he has blood on his face. So he has gotten in a fight at some point earlier today.

He's having a rough day. Probably with the old man, probably. Yeah, well, yes. I think probably. man, probably. Yeah, well, yes. I think probably. Oh, sorry. No, it's not. So did this guy look like a fighty guy? Oh, absolutely.

Was his nickname maybe Knuckles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he had knuckle tattoos that said, fight always. Like some of the knuckles had more than one letter yeah always fight he puts it the other way around so it's always fight fight always um fight al if he meets a guy named al yep um so yeah he as he approached and i was giving him kind of hand signals like kind of like no we're not no just do not i'm sorry do not come over here and he came over my shoes yeah well he came over and he's like he's like what did you say

and i was like i was saying i'm sorry i was trying to catch the bus and i uh bumped you so sorry about that and uh he goes just like a long pause like this is the first time that he's tried to start a fight, and somebody hasn't just responded in kind. So he's just like frozen. You could kind of see on his face like, what does Og do now? And he said, well, I guess you missed your bus. And I was like, yep. And then we shook hands.

And that was it. And then his dumb old dad character comes up and he's like, you're lucky. He's the nice one. I was like, well, I gladly fight you, old man. I'll fight the kid, too. I'll throw in the kid. I'll fight both of them. Yeah, yeah.

One at a time, please. Did the dad look like a bruiser, too? Oh, please. Did the dad look like a bruiser, too? Oh, yeah. Like, like, Did the kid look like a bruiser? No, the kid looked fine. Not yet. But, yeah.

I think we know where this kid is headed. But the dad, I'm pretty sure that whatever blood was on this guy's lower lip was the result of a... Was on dad's knuckle. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Blood on the dad's forehead. He's like,

You look, you talk to him he's the nice one and i just went oh yeah so uh you're not as nice that's all i could say oh you're not as nice and then they uh walked away but i could tell that i think that's the first time that like he his automatic yeah thing was well i guess I'm in a fight for nothing. And that you could tell, like, this was the first time where somebody's like, no, no, we don't have to. There's another way. Imagine going home

like him, and going home and they're like, what did you do today? Oh, a guy accidentally bumped me, so I beat him up. Like, to your spouse, and have them go like, oh, it's probably why you're late. Like, that it's just why you're late. Yeah. Yeah. That it's just so,

it's so a matter of the course of the day. Do you need me to glue your knuckles back together for the 18th time this month? He missed his bus and then I beat the shit out of him. So I missed my bus. Yeah. She's like this city. Did Lori get to watch daddy beat up a stranger?

I sure did. I had a moment um uh like a week ago that made me sort of unreasonably mad yeah uh where i was in a car in a parking lot about to enter this parking spot and um these two dudes in their 20s uh one dude just started skateboarding through the parking spot I was about to go into. And there were plenty of other places they could be. And so I'm waiting there, just fuming. And then this other dude that he's with is walking a bicycle. And he notices that I'm mad and that I'm trying to park and that he's blocking me. So he goes extra slow.

He goes extra slow. And what he does, he gives me a peace sign, but doesn't make eye contact with me. Oh, wow. And I was like, nope. No to peace. Yes to war. Yeah, you give him the war sign, just a W.

War. War. No, I meant peace. This is like victory victory i've already won the war yeah that was a battle oh yeah yeah um uh nobody nobody like like if i had gotten on the bus and then given him like a yeah that would have been good And then the bus immediately breaks down. Like, well, everybody off. Yeah. I did, though. As soon as I turned around, I was like, I bet that guy's not gone. I bet he's still there.

The guy that I bumped. Oh, yeah. There he is, ready to fight. Oh, man. Yeah, the bus. Constantly elevating people. Well, and I was saying to my friend last night is that these are situations that people who are car drivers don't get into. Maybe once every few years you might get into a road rage-esque, but there's no scenario where you're like, oh, I'm almost in a fistfight with somebody.

I feel like that doesn't happen to car drivers. And you don't almost get barfed on. Yeah, that's true. Until you have a kid, then you definitely do. But that can happen on the bus as well. That's true. That's true. Yeah, once you have a kid, then it's all equal.

If I see somebody driving with a kid's seat in their car, I'm like, hey. I caught the bus here from the airport, and I was noticing, like, transit in Regina is really bad. It's just very ill-designed. Yeah. And it's not as well used as it would be nice. Right. And I was noticing just how integrated your transit system must be in Vancouver, that there are are advertisements for please don't bring your ferret onto the bus yeah there's a thing it's like at like um like we interviewed uh riders and pet

peeve number five is like smelly ferrets and there's a picture of a cartoon ferret with like stink lines and an old person going like p pee you. I think maybe the people they interviewed about pet peeves just didn't understand the concept. Yeah, they're like, what peeves do you have about people's pets? Yeah. We'll put them on the bus. Yeah. Yeah, there's also a lot of stickers and signage everywhere on the bus.

It's like, this is for pregnant ladies and old ladies seat. So get up. And then there's don't, like, please keep spit in your mouth. There's reminders everywhere, like, just please don't be a monster. You know, just a picture of Frankenstein with a circle with a line to it. None of that.

Stop being a monster. Are you doing something frankenstein would do you mean frankenstein's monster obviously um no i mean the scientist yeah are you reanimating are you creating abominations are you digging are you grave robbing on the bus when i was a kid they had three signs of things you couldn't do uh one ice cream cone do. Ice cream cone? One was ice cream cone, and I was like, oh, well, I can bring any other food, right? Yeah.

But that meant all food. Sometimes it would be the food icon would be ice cream cone and a hot dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No carnival food. Yeah, exactly. No cheat days from your diet. So there's somebody just eating a thing of spaghetti. What else was there?

Well, there was no, it was like a ghetto blaster. No ghetto blasters. And no drink. The fact that there was a time when anybody thought that was okay to just bring your own stereo undo thing and just like this is the music we're all listening to like that's they should have updated

signs that are like no nail clipping no yes please no corn on the cob no I guess just like upskirts Yeah. Yes, please. No corn on the cob. No. I guess just, like, upskirts. Like, they clearly need these signs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also, just, like, the trains here have, like, a stop if you put your arm in in, like it won't clamp down on it. Which I think is wrong. Yeah. I get it. Safety-wise. If you're late, you're late. But people really do crazy abuse that door. But there's no sign anywhere that's like, hey, don't do that.

Don't just keep the door open for your 18 drunk friends that are calmly walking down the escalator uh you guys well should we move on to a bit of business why not don't get carried away you gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day you gotta shine your shoes you gotta sweep the floor you gotta't want to do to get through the day. You got to shine your shoes. You got to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do some more. Take care of business.

So, here we are. Face to face. Yeah. Couple of silver spoons. We got a bit of business. We got a Jumbotron message. It's a birthday greeting and wish. Uh-huh.

You're not supposed to tell people your birthday wish, but this is a wish for somebody to have a good birthday. Yeah, I don't think that's what that means. I don't think they blew any candles to get here. Oh, really? How did they get here? I blew a lot of candles to get where I am.

This is a message for Brandon Sullivan from his pals Ocho and Pickett of Jamaica Plain in Boston, Massachusetts. They would like to wish Brandon Sullivan a very... I bought a car in Harvard Yard, mon. Oh, nobody

likes that. They want to wish Brandon Sullivan... My wish is that that never happened. Our wish is offset. Ocho and Pickett would like to wish Brandon a very happy 40th birthday. Why do they get to

say his full name and the birthday he's celebrating but they get to hide behind the names Ocho and Pickett? Yeah, well, they're given names. This is Ocho Cinco and Jaden Pickett Smith. given names this is ocho sink oh and uh jayden pickett smith um if you would like to uh uh send your friend a message from you know behind the veil of the

internet uh through our voices and our uh i guess unintentionally offensive accents um unintentionally also you say our but only you did i mean i i sort of used the like the gestures uh graham was making in the face you were making as my fuel um then uh head over to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. Absolutely. Uh, you, you can join the ranks of people who wish birthdays. Now let's move on to some overheards.

Hey folks, this is Kevin Allison of the max fund podcast risk where people tell true stories. They never thought they dare to share. If you've never heard risk, why not start with our 150th episode? It's an all-star lineup of jaw-dropping true stories from Aisha Tyler.

This being the 90s, I was drinking malt liquor. Don't fuck you in your racist house. You're all racist. We're laughing. Tom Lennon. Whenever I walk into a place that's called Mr. Binkies, I'm expecting Armenian bumblebee to be like, I got Jackoff pills for you.

Yeah! Jay Moore. Me, public school in New Jersey. I didn't need to know anything because everybody knew you got pregnant by peeing in each other's butts. That's how we knew. Andy Dick.

We've had a monogamous relationship for five years. I barely cheated on her. And The Daily Show's Jessica Williams. Oh my God. have like this need to be responsible for some reason that doesn't really benefit me so like jessica clean it up look for risk on itunes or of course at maximum fun.org clonk clonk wingle clonkle dink donkk, oogin, dingin. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we all partake in listing things and talking about things that we've seen.

Is that all we're doing? No. Okay, well, before we move on to Overheard. Dave! Okay. Do you know what time it is? Oh, what time is it? Time for a Hulk Hogan News.

Oh, okay. Yeah, no, that's what I thought. But you don't usually introduce it as time. No, but it's okay in our life it's a hulk hogan news time news time uh here's a this is just a fun story hulk hogan news is a thing that we do against god's will week in week out uh exactly you say it's against god's Well I think it's God's plan WWE Hall of Famer That is how this article introduces them If you just put Hulk Hogan You'd be like

WWE Hall of Famer Hulk Hogan Do they have an actual physical Hall of Fame Or is it just like sort of online Or in the back of a restaurant Just a pile of dead bodies I think In the back of a restaurant? Just a pile of dead bodies, I think. In the back of a restaurant. Yeah, it's in the back of a restaurant. It's in the back of a KFC in Detroit.

Well, like the British Columbia Sports Hall of Fame is in a stadium. It's like just an exhibit in a stadium. Yeah. I guess there has to be a hall somewhere that you, you know. It's a bowling alley. It's a hallway. It's a trophy case in a bowling alley. Oh!

Do you think they do, you know how at the end of, spoiler, at the end of A League of Their Own, all the women get together at the Cooperstown Baseball Hall of Fame? Yeah. Do you think there's like a gorgeous ladies of wrestling reunion that happens when they're all you know old and misty eyed yeah yeah yeah at uh the back of a restaurant they're not misty eyed they're gooey right sure um but yeah it's at the back of a boston pizza um this has been hulk hogan news yeah hulk hogan made an appearance at his uh at his restaurant oh as a specter they were hosting a thing called wrestle reunion hulk hogan made an appearance in a piece of toast this was like a a bunch of it was a reunion that i guess people were allowed to attend that aren't wrestlers. It's weird when you have a reunion that people who weren't around at the time are also allowed to attend.

But you got to fill the room somehow. This is exactly right. So there was meat in the room. Jimmy Hart, Bobby the Brain Heenan were there, and the Nasty Boys, everybody's favorites. I don't even remember them. The Nasty Boys. Oh, they smelled so nasty. Was Janet Jackson one of them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you

could call her... I don't know how that song goes. Anyways, the promoter for the event had stressed to ticket buyers that Hogan would not be present, despite the fact that it sounds like it is Hulk Hogan's Beach House restaurant in Clearwater, Florida.

But then he showed up. He probably forgot that it was happening that day. They were like, please don't come this day. No Hulk's allowed. Go whenever I want. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to go get some dry ribs. I know there was something I wasn't supposed to do today.

Or maybe they held it like they knew he was going on vacation and they're like, quickly. It's like a house party. And then they had to pretend it was a surprise party for him. Surprise! Oh, for me, brothers! So the Hulk Hogan news is that he showed up to a place he owns? But specifically said on the tickets, he will not be there. And then he showed up.

Have you been to any of your high school reunions? And did Hulk Hogan show up? I didn't show up because they said that he wouldn't be there. And then he showed up. I was so mad that I didn't go. Yeah, I went back. I had to settle a fight that I never got to settle in high school. Unrequited love. Yeah, unfinished business from those yearbook comments.

I had to re-lose my virginity before grad. There was a lot of things. I had to run the Naked Mile. I had to murder Eugene Levy. I had to steal the rival school's mascot. All in the reunion? It was a big night. I had to score the last basket in overtime. Basketball overtime. You had to wolf out. I had to slay a vampire.

What else did I have to do? I had to have sex with Molly Ringwald. What? You had to pretend she was 16. I had to... Club a breakfast. I had to... Oh, so many things.

Yeah. Oh, such a big day. it was all in one day i had to murder mr weatherby he was the vampire yeah uh anyways it is time for overheard okay and uh we like to start with the gas sure you know this i love it all right you go you go this i think probably falls into the category of overseen okay uh anyway it was it was from a few years ago uh maybe like 2009 something like that and i was on a plane i thought of this today when i was on the airplane uh where i was flying home from toronto and you know you have the the tvs that you can like watch a movie and you can also sort of cue the movie like uh like you can select on air canada to like watch a movie or you can like rewind it oh yes play again that kind of thing so the the woman

sitting in front of me like you can look through the seats and kind of like see what they're watching yeah and she was remember the movie date night yeah steve carell and tina fey yeah so she was watching that movie and there's like a very like it was in all the trailers for that movie that the scene where mark walberg shows up shirtless and he's like super cut right it's like this long sequence where he's really sexy he's a cutter yeah so she watched the whole movie i just had noticed that she was watching the movie and then when it was over she paused it hit theer, ordered two small bottles of wine, waited for it, drank one of them, queued the movie back to the Mark Wahlberg scene, pressed play, opened the second bottle of wine, and just watched the whole scene again.

Wow. It was amazing. I was sitting beside my friend. I was like elbowing. I was like, you won't believe what's happening in front of us right now. She's like, I have to get my vibrator from the overhead. We don't have television where I come from, so this is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. As you started that story, I was like, oh, that would be funny if someone actually, oh, you can cue movies?

That'd be funny if someone kept cueing back to the same gross scene. Oh, that is exactly the story oh man that's great it's uh yeah because i'm terrified whenever a sex scene happens on uh one of those movies because i i thought that they edited them out oh yeah for the airplane no i made the mistake of watching uh game of thrones on my laptop on a flight last year oh like i was just watching it and then i can't you know like it got to some ridiculously erotic yeah decapitation yeah like chopped their head off and then just like had sex with the body and yeah and odd land still it was sexy somehow yeah and i had to just keep like lowering the screen and turning it as close to the window but not fast forward no no i still watched it a gin and tonic please yeah uh dave

um okay here we go mine mine is also an overseen uh the other day i was on granville street i was uh making my way to harvey's making my way to harvey's walking past my face is calling Do you know what he's doing? Yeah. Okay, good. Okay, so. So what the hell was that? That's my new overseen. As I opened up my phone to read my overseen, I noticed that I'd gotten an email.

Abby's Aunt Sheila. This relates to what we were just talking about, the woman pulling the vibrator out. Yeah. Oh, God. There was a recently in Sweden, public masturbation has been legalized. Oh, good. As long as you don't do it at someone. Or, like, look at anyone. How free can a society get?

A guy was on a beach, and he was doing it. Yeah. And he got off because he... Got off what? The charges. Yeah. But also... Because he...

Because he was looking at a turtle the whole time. No, he wasn't looking at anything. He was just dreaming. He was just dreaming. He just buried his face in the sand. Yeah. He was looking off into the distance. He could prove he wasn't looking at anything.

Yeah, so what... Oh, gross, Sweden. Get your shit together. My overseen is an overseen. So I was walking down to Harvey's. And I was standing there, masterfully. Legally. To a hamburger.

Hamburger can't press charges. But while I was walking down the street, I saw a guy. There was like, you know, two guys in their 20s talking. And one of them was carrying a big gulp. And he was crying as he was talking. Oh, no. He was just like, it was the saddest day of his life. And he had this giant big gulp getting in this animated conversation with another guy.

And I just kept walking. And I approached a 7-eleven and there was a woman leaving the 7-eleven carrying a big gulp and she was crying you were like two minutes too late to see the saddest breakup like let's go get our last big gulp together we're gonna end this relationship how it started yeah i don't even think they knew each other it was just like i thought they didn't seem like they would have been a couple i just thought maybe like the guy in 7-eleven is so mean yeah or you get a big gulp and it's like you only have to pay a dollar but he also tells you the saddest secret that's why you get a discount yeah before you can you can buy this big gulp you have

to watch the notebook yeah and they're like well there's a dollar's cheap it's worth it probably oh was it a notebook collectible cup where you like look at it and if you turn it upside down it tells you the ending oh it's so sad yeah absolutely um yeah that's me that's great um my this is an overheard that happened in uh in edinburgh scotland oh you went there i did you went there absolutely and uh it was um i was walking down the street uh with the paj men, and there was a couple with a kid, and they were dressed very much like you would think circus performers in the 20s, 1920s would have dressed. Okay. On stilts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bearded ladies. Kind of picture a couple that is in modern day, but dressed as if they're traveling. So basically the soul to squeeze video by Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is exactly what I'm saying. So he's wearing like suspenders that are like, like, like a cartoon character would wear. Like an Anthony Kiedis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's dressed like a Chris Farley.

She's dressed like a Chris Fartley. And they've clearly been going kind of curb to curb and picking up things that people have left out, like a pot that's all scratched to shit. Yeah. So they've picked up a lot of free stuff, and they're staring across the road at a cabinet, like a glass cabinet, and they're just staring at it, and they're not saying anything, but they're just eyeing it from a distance. And as we walk past, the woman says to the guy, So it's a no on the cabinet. Pretty great. Pretty great circus.

Trying to negotiate with the guy who's carrying it so it's a noo yeah where are we gonna put that in our tent yeah crazy look we don't need

a hutch we don't have China yeah um do you think in the wrestling hall of fame there's a China hutch

the China memorial they say memorial like when we unveil it. TikTok. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from all over the world. If you want to be one of those people, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org.

And this first one comes from Casey Casey S from Toronto Hello, Graham, Dave and number one guest of all time Finally! This is Casey from Toronto with an overheard My girlfriend and I got a puppy

this past winter and named her Ripley We named her after the main character from the alien movies. But when most people hear the name Ripley, they tend to say, oh, Ripley's believe it or not. To which we smile politely and say, yes, I took Ripley to the dog park today. And a lady asked what her name was. And I told her and she said, oh, just like Ripley's believe it or die yep I hate to correct you but the main character in the alien movies is the alien yeah it's in the

title yeah I just yeah I really believe it or die Believe it or I'll kill you This gun is loaded Believe it or die I don't believe it Well, Dean Cain will show you Was it Dean Cain? Yeah, Dean Cain and Oh, I don't know, a blonde lady

Maybe the girl from California Dreams Really? Also on Baywatch believe it or die yeah hamil anderson um this is uh from james b this is my from his friend my friend was on a cross-country road trip and stopped for gas in the small town of cullman alabama while inside he happened to glance at the town newspaper. The lead headline? Big tree cut down. So, you know, not every town has a Pauley Shore memorial thing.

Some towns just have a big tree. Or not anymore. Yeah, now what? Oh boy, tourism's going to suffer. Yeah, people are coming to a big tree. Yeah. Or not anymore. Yeah, now what? Oh, boy. Tourism's going to suffer. Yeah, people are coming to see that tree. I mean, we make fun, but there are big trees here. There are very large trees.

People come to see. Wasn't there, didn't, is it here that had the tree? No, that's in California that has the tree that you can drive through. It seems like just like so far to go. But there's a drive-thru restaurant there. Like you order. They just serve acorns. Roasted acorns. Sap milkshakes.

Dead squirrels. Drive around. Drive around, get your pine cones. Do you want the... Could we deciduous that for you? It's just a restaurant run by kids.

It's like a make-believe, like, here's your dirt, change. They're like the Lord of the Flies kids. They just started their own society. And then they're listed on Forbes 400. Drive-thru tree restaurant yeah the polyshore memorial drive-thru tree restaurant we gotta get we gotta get ours yeah he loved trees um oh my god i hope polyshore is alive by the time this episode comes yeah no he's he's only got a few days he He's fit as a fiddle. This last one is from Ben in Omaha, Nebraska.

I teach preschool, so I hear a lot of strange exchanges. This, however, immediately became my favorite. Two kids sitting at a table drawing. Kid one, I'm going to be the scariest thing ever for Halloween. Kid two, scissors? Non-safety scissors? Yeah when you're a kid don't don't run with them what were you afraid of when you were like four i think i was really afraid of dogs i think there was a clown a french clown that was on uh public access television and uh it used to come on after a show i liked and it i remember very vividly oh the mash theme song also cheers yeah cheers was so dark

yeah yeah i was afraid of cheers when i was a kid uh i think i was was afraid of teenagers. I think that's a fear that's lingered through my whole life. I don't know what I was afraid of. For a long time, until I was 10, I was afraid of staying over at people's houses. Oh, yeah. I didn't enjoy sleepovers until I was 10 or 11. Yeah. Like I wasn't, I didn't enjoy sleepovers until I was like 10 or 11. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't, I kind of, looking back on the way, I don't remember why that was. Yeah, I don't know why like the constant threat of wetting someone else's bed was worth it. Yeah. Oh, guess what? You're going to have a nickname forever. Yeah. If everything goes to plan. If you fall asleep early, your friends do something mean to you, or you, like, wake up in the middle of the night

and you have to see, like, your friend's older sibling. Drunk. Drunk. Exactly, and you have to figure out what the hell is going on. You're like, why are they acting crazy? Are they crazy? Can we trick them into doing stuff? Yeah, it's true. Sleepovers, that's as good a fear as any.

But that French clown, god damn it. That TV clown. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you are generous enough to want to share your phone call. Do it like this, 206-339-8328. Wiki wiki. Hey guys, this is Craig from Washington calling with an overheard a couple of days ago. I was at a Thai restaurant and there was a gentleman in his mid-40s probably with his wife and maybe a five-year-old kid, and they were sitting near me.

Anyway, he seemed a little upset when the waiter came over because he asked, so Coors is the only American beer you have? I guess I'll have one of those. And then the waiter walked away, and the guy looked up at his wife, and he said, well, I guess it's official. Miley Cyrus is a slut. What? That's a pretty big jump.

Yeah. Yeah, where were we in the conversation before I ordered my Coors? Oh, that's right. Miley Cyrus and what she's up to. This guy just can't catch her break. She's, I mean, we wish her the best. Miley Cyrus. She does a thing where she has her tongue

hanging out of her mouth a lot yeah she's uh she's quite something yeah but is that a thing that kids are also oh yeah probably now brother to the miley i just think it's funny whenever any any sentence starts with well it's official Because it's going to be something so dumb. Yeah, and it's also probably not official. Yeah, that's true. Guinness has called it. World record for most slutty. Of course.

Yeah. Here's your next phone call. Hey, guys. So this is Emily in Arcata, California, and I was just driving by my university campus, and I saw a shirtless hippie with a top hat on walking his two yaks down the street. Look, you gotta have a hook in this day and age. You can't just be a shirtless hippie with a top hat You gotta have, like, what do you bring into the table? A yak? Yeah

How many yaks? I just won Oh, sorry It's 2013 Yeah This is Burning Man It's Burning Man University Oh, man, there's gotta be that, right?

We don't give grades We just give high fives Yeah Yeah, and here's some magical dust. It's sand. Don't open up that container. Yeah, what do they teach at Burning Man University? What's their athletic program like?

Arson, probably. Yeah, they do those fire, chains of fire. Oh, yeah, poi. Yeah, they do devil sticks and glow sticks. One's in the day, one's at night. Barter commerce. Yeah. You know, just being ropey.

That's like, just being a ropey guy. Sinew. Yeah, yeah, sinew. You know, how to, how not to harsh the mellow. Yeah, mellow, mellowing and not harshing it in the modern era. Mellow sustainability. Art cars. Art car history.

Yeah. How to build a man that you light a fire. Yeah, effigy. Yeah, effigy. Effigy biology. Yeah, biology. How to maintain eye contact with a topless woman. Right?

Are you not allowed to maintain boob eye contact? Well, if she's painted eyeballs on it. So you can be like, if she's like, my eyes are up here, and down here. She's got a little, oh, that would be fun! That's the stripper I'm hiring for my corporate

retreat. We want you to paint your belly like it's a face and talk to us with it. And she's like, I think what you're looking for is a comedian. No, no. A mustache above your belly button. I want you to draw a face on your belly and then wear a top hat. A giant top hat. And walk two yaks.

Here's your final overheard. Hey, Dave and Graham Impossible. I'm calling with an overheard from Manhattan. I was sitting in a cafe, and there were these two guys, and one was really, really confident, and he was telling the other guy about this Kickstarter campaign he's starting, and he's like, I'm inventing this bracelet, and it will electrocute you if you don't go to the gym, and also if you go on Facebook too much.

And the other guy is listening for like 20 minutes, and he's finally like, what if it electrocuted you for other reasons, too? And the first guy is like, amazing. He's like, wow, that's a really, really good idea. I'm glad we had this meeting. I mean, ultimately, we want something that constantly electrocutes you. I think what he's claiming to have invented is electricity. It just always works.

Yeah, can we use this electrocution for other things? Lighting up a room, for example. There's a... I heard an interview with a guy who wrote a book about Charles Manson. Yeah. And Charles Manson would use... There's this thing in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Right.

There's this thing in How to Win Friends and Influence People where you're talking to someone and when they have an idea, you act like it's a great idea, even if it's the idea you want them to have and it was already your idea. I think that might have been what he was doing to get him on board with his Kickstarter campaign. Yeah. Wow. What if it just – I wish I could use electricity to power my laptop to make this Kickstarter. Yeah. I wish I could use electricity to power my laptop to make this Kickstarter. What if instead of a bracelet, it was a buzzer that whenever you shook someone's hand...

It would be hilarious. Yeah, it would teach them to go to the gym, to not go on Facebook so much, and to avoid shaking hands. How does this electrical bracelet know when you're on Facebook? How does it know the difference between Facebook and the gym? Yeah, how does it know the difference between facebook and the gym yeah how does it know the difference between facebook and myspace because you should get electrocuted automatically for going to myspace i do my computer does you know what you should get electrocuted automatically for going to facebook it's awful yeah it's we it's something that we've all locked ourselves into though like it is a real nobody wants to be on it but man like how do we how do you get out we're in too deep oh sometimes people sometimes people just quit and go to

burning man take up residence i also want to point out that uh that caller did possibly the most dismissive thing ever which was uh d was Dave Graham and not even possible guest and possible. Possible. And impossible. I think what she means is possible, like I might be someone she'd possibly be interested in.

Oh, yeah. He's a possible. Yeah, we'll put him on the maybe pile. She was going to shorten it even the next time she calls to just be like, and pos. Yeah.

That's kids, man. That was my childhood nickname, so it's kind of... Pos? Pos. The pos. All right. That's kids, man. That was my childhood nickname, so it's Kimmy. POS? POS. Yeah. The POS. The POS.

Because you were in Arsenio Hall's band? Yeah. No, because I would always play POS-um. I'm glad he's back, Arsenio Hall. All right? He's doing a good job. Mm-hmm. Is he?

I don't know. I don't know. He's on at 10, I think. Oh, too late for me. In bed. Oh, no. Curled up in bed by 7.30. I eat dinner and go right to bed.

But I don't wake up until like 5.30 the next day to make dinner. Do it all over again. I'm missing a lot. Yeah. Oh, but the dream world is rich. Very rich. That's why I got that nickname, Posse. Because I play pasta.

Play possum? Oh, no, no. Can't go back. There's no going back. Well, isn't there? Are there second acts? Not in this life. Now, Jaden, thanks for being our guest.

Absolutely my pleasure. Thanks for having me. If people want to look up kind of what you're up to uh in both like on the road or in regina where do they go um probably the probably the easiest place is just to follow on twitter because i will link to things through there so just at jaden pfeiffer on twitter there is a website jadenpfeiffer.com currently down and being worked on oh do you have the logo of the guy uh like digging a digging a trench we're working on, and he's like, his head's all dizzy, like, whoa, it's not working. Yeah.

So, at jadenpfeiffer.com. Someday. Dave was doing a thing with his glasses, trying to look like he was. I got bored. Immediately. Dave, do you have anything to plug? Well, I'm going to be playing possum, making pasta. My new one-man show. The possum poss. yeah yeah it's poss and poss pass the bus it's the new restaurant uh slash one man show uh touring

french festivals um and in addition to that i'm gonna quit the podcast no okay oh okay uh because this is it yeah you just had it so just look for me, you know, just around doing nothing. No, nothing to plug. If you want to go to MaximumFun.org, check out the blog recap of this year episode. Certainly Pauly Shore images and video. Mostly images and video. Yeah, yeah. Vanessa Carlton song.

Which one? mostly images and video yeah yeah vanessa carlton song uh which one what is that the theme song for nothing oh that wasn't the beginning of a uh no a television show no could it be sure i mean it might be it's not it's not uh dawson's creek if that's where you no no no i thought maybe it's some other thing. You know, a show. Some show about girls. Oh, yeah. Oh, girls. Is the theme song to girls?

Yeah. Okay. And also, if you want to go over to iTunes, leave a review if you like the show. Positive review. A posi-core. And if you want to get in touch with us, it's spy at MaximumFun.org or 206-339-8328. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Making my way downtown. Isn't that the song?

Yeah. This is the song we used to play in my village. Studio musician Dave Chook. How does that sound in the book?