Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 293 - Alicia Tobin

Episode Date: October 28, 2013

Alicia Tobin returns to talk homemade deodorant, rock concerts, and flying low.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 293 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who co-wrote the song Boomerang to the tune of Barbara Ann. And you guys will never hear it unless Dave chooses to sing it at some point during the podcast. Mr. Dave Shumka.

That's right. The lyrics were boomerang, boomerang. You got me rocking and reeling. Dingo ate my baby. Dingo ate my baby boomerang. You know what? We'll probably attach it on to the end of the episode. It was just so much fun that I didn't want to leave it outside of the episode. Yeah, yeah.

No, we recorded it. We were rolling on that. Oh, good. I don't want to leave it outside of the episode. Yeah, yeah. No, we recorded it. We were rolling on that. Oh, good.

And our guest today, very funny lady, a comedian, and a writer, and a friend of both Dave and I's. So lucky. Double friendships. Yeah, double friendships. And this is your seventh appearance? Not sure. No one's counting. Somebody's counting who's super jealous.

Miss Alicia Tobin is our guest. Hi, guys. Having some tea. Having some tea. Hi, bumpers. Hi, Alicia. Thanks for coming in. Hi.

Thanks for hosing me. Thanks for hosing me. That was not very nice to come over and to be hosed down first. Well, hosed and deloused. That's our policy. Not for everybody. So we keep this podcast clean, family friendly, and, you know, bed bug free since 1993.

Let's get to notes. I could rhyme all day, you guys. No, please don't. Get to know us. Speaking of rhyming, do you think that there's only, you know how like whenever you see a sign for anything that's on sale, it's whatever and 99 cents? Yeah. So it's like $5.99. Yeah.

Do you think they only have that so it rhymes with toucan dine for $5.99? Because that's what it says at 7-Eleven. Yeah, you look so fine. $4.99. I made it with brine. Oh yeah, discount pickles.

Something 99. What can you get for $5.99 at 7-Eleven? By this sign, $1.99. Yeah. Like some Twizzlers, wine gums, anything really. A magazine. Oh, yeah, you can buy a magazine.

Yeah, you can eat a magazine with your couple friend. But you said Toucan Dine. Yeah, you can eat a magazine. Yeah. Oh, this doesn't taste very good. Oh, eat the cologne ad. Yeah, Toucan Dine. Yeah, it was for a toucan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. Do humans eat toucans? And how do they find them? We follow their nose. No, we use them to divine. Fruited loop. That's right.

I wonder, though, like, is a toucan kind of like how a lobster's tail is filled with meat? Like, would a toucan's beak be a delicious... Yeah, yeah, it is. It's filled with delicious loops of fruit. But you don't eat it with melted butter. It's just straight up milk, right? Oh, yeah, no. Like a frosty glass of milk.

You do dip it in warm milk. Warm garlic milk. Ew. Sounds like a thing that could exist. Garlic milk. Warm garlic milk. Ew. Sounds like a thing that could exist. Garlic milk. Sounds like something you could get from like a Choices. A Whole Foods. This is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard.

What about goat's milk? Before you knew that was a thing, you probably would have thought it was disgusting. Like milk from a goat. Didn't you have a phase where you just drank goat's milk? Yeah. How'd that go? It wasn't great but i thought it would be less when was this as a grown-up yeah a couple years ago because i couldn't

drink milk like i was like it was making me feel really sick did a body bad yeah yeah and so i started drinking goat's milk and it didn't hurt my body as much but it was gross i think it didn't hurt as much because i just wouldn't drink it because it tastes... Because you had to milk the goat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. They don't sell it in cartons here. You have to bring a pail.

You have to sacrifice a goat. I've milked a goat before. Who hasn't? Yeah. What? Everyone's milked a goat. I've never gone on a field trip. Yeah.

Didn't you go to like a... We don't have goats in Quebec. Oh. Oh, no. Field trips due to the lack of funding for education. What have you milked? Nothing. What, you ain't milk shit?

Oh, yeah. No, I ain't milk shit. It seems like something you'd get into in a big way. Well, I would like to touch one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very warm. I've watched people milk, and I want to milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen them do like the trick shots where they try to get it in... You get it in the cat's mouth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very warm. I've watched people milk, and I want to milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you seen them do the trick shots where they try to get it in... You get it in the cat's mouth? Yeah, or... Like that picture? Yeah, or in... That's beautiful. Off a pan, like a bank shot into a... Into a...

Oh, do a Banksy painting? Well, into a warm, like, just a heated thing of goat garlic milk. What do they call those little... I don't even know. When you have lobster, the little... The little ceramic thing? Yeah, with a candle underneath that heats the butter. Oh, it's like a fondue thing?

Yeah. Oh, I've never had that before. I think it might just be called a warmer. Why don't... Why can't... Why is lobster the only thing that you can dip... Crab. Butter... Oh, yeah, but I mean, like, is there any... Can you just have a loaf of bread and just dip it in... In the butter? Why is lobster the only thing that you can dip crab?

Oh, yeah. But I mean, can you just have a loaf of bread and just dip it in hot butter? Yeah. Oh, that sounds really good. My mother loves it so much. She will get fingerfuls of it afterwards. Oh, my gosh. In public?

Yeah. She doesn't just open her mouth and drizzle it? Yeah. She brings her own bib. BYOB. So what's new, Alicia Tobin? Last time you were here, maybe it was... Christmas time. Christmas time. Hollis Queens.

Mom's cooking chicken and collar queens. Do I have to start at what I got for Christmas and then catch you guys up on everything? No, just what's new, what's happening? But what did you get for Christmas? I got good stuff. I don't remember now what I got. I don't remember either. Yeah.

That's the thing about, like, even when I was a kid, I'm not sure I would remember what I got 10 months ago. My mom sent me a really nice care package, and there was a dancing Snoopy in it. Nope. You gave me the dancing Snoopy. Thank you. I was like, boy, when are you going. You gave me the dancing Snoopy. Thank you. I was like, boy, when are you going to remember that thing?

And my mom sent me something that I didn't like. And it was a Tickle Me Elmo stocking, which I put away in my closet. You know what I got for Christmas? What? A carton of smokes. Yeah. My dad gave them to me and said, smoke them, Shelly. The smokies.

What about you, Dad? What about you? Yeah. You know what my mother gave me? Nothing. She just drizzled butter all over her. All over her fat face. What about you?

Mommy! Breakfast Club. That's a scene from The Breakfast Club. Yeah, you did it really well. Thank you. Yeah, that dancing Snoopy. You gave me. It's the most beautiful thing in the. Yeah, you did it really well. Thank you. Yeah, that dancing Snoopy. You gave me. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

Because you saw it in a department store window. I think it was Macy's. We were in New York. We said, we'll meet here again. Yeah. Same time next year. How much is that Snoopy in the window? All I want for Christmas is Snoopy's two front teeth.

And he dances. He does. Right? Yeah, he dances to the Pean peanut song yeah does he do the snoopy dance with his head up and his feet that's amazing and uh i got the last one that still worked because they had been played with so much so i got the last one that still had like like, some life in it. And I cried. Yeah, and then you forgot. And then you remembered. Then I remembered. Yeah, you thought your mom gave it to you.

No, I remember there was something, and then I forgot. Okay, so that's December. January. Yeah, January. Catch us up. The calendar pages are going back on the calendar. January, I think I discovered how much I like falling asleep on the couch. Okay, yeah.

That's a good thing. You've got a very nice couch for falling asleep. It's actually two beds. Oh, is it? You can turn it into two beds. Oh. Have a sex party. I don't think that's what happens at sex parties.

I don't know, but I imagine maybe. How many people can have- They just push all the things together that could be a bed and make a room. Yeah. I wonder what the logistics are of planning a sex party. Is it like, well, we've only got the one bed, so what do we max out at? Oh, yeah. Or you say, BYOB, bring your own bed.

Bring your own bed. Or you find out which of your friends works at a mattress store. Sure. And then you sneak in there after hours. You find out. Oh, that's got to be, like, if there's sex parties happening anywhere, it's Sleep Country Canada. Yeah, yeah. Why have a sex party anywhere else?

It's, yeah, I guess you need a lot of mattresses. And then probably a lot of, like, you'd have to have an area where the food is and it would be like everybody'd have to have it. Well, that you'd have to get hosed down before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there's an airlock involved. And yeah, like there has to be I guess housecoats and things that you would have to put on.

Like you can't just have... You don't want to drizzle ranch all over your butt. What? What's happening? Okay, February? Yeah, February. What happened? Don't remember. What's happening? Okay, February? Yeah, February. What happened in February? Don't remember. Okay, sure.

It was a short month. Forgivable. March? I think I went on a couple of dates with somebody who was a real jerk. Okay, yeah. That'll happen. March, when a young jerk's fancy turns to jerks. Jerking people around.

That guy wasn't nice. Then, I don't know what happened. I see you guys a lot. That's really lovely. Grandpa and I had some one-on-one time. That's right. Oh, when was that? I don't remember.

Yeah, sometimes. You were house-set for like a good chunk of time. Oh, that would have been April. Yeah, that was nice. I like that dog. Man, you and Grandpa really hung out. Yeah. We really get into it.

Yeah. You guys put the beds together? No, but he can snuggle He spoons Is he the big spoon? No, he's the little spoon That would be amazing He's the little spoon

But he's more often than not butt up Oh, he wasn't Oh, really? Cheek to cheek When we first went to Obedience school I mean, that's very special. Cheek to cheek. When we first went to obedience school, the lady at the obedience school was like, don't show your dog too much affection. Like, if you want a teddy bear, get a teddy bear.

A dog should never come up on your furniture. Should never, you should be very like. Don't let your dog drive the car. Yeah. No matter how cool he looks when he gets his paws on the steering wheel. Don't you turn that ignition for him. You're working the pedals. We were talking about that a couple weeks ago.

Abby and I were talking about how dumb our dog Grandpa is. And like, he could never drive a car. Not because he couldn't do it, like, physically, which he couldn't. No, he couldn't. But if he ever was, he would get distracted and jump out the window while he was driving. Yeah.

Yeah, he wouldn't even get out of the driveway. He wouldn't look back. He would just step on the gas, just back out. Yeah, and then he just changes a squirrel down the side street in the car. Grandpa, where are you going? That is a pretty good visual. Yeah, chasing cars. Chasing cars.

I like it when you guys call Grandpa dumb. Why? He's not here. And he doesn't listen to the podcast. He's right outside. He does so. He's pretty dumb. Yeah, I don't know.

I've done a lot of shameful and embarrassing things since we last recorded this podcast. Which ones do you want to talk about the most? I don't know. Maybe they'll come up later. I started that comedy show that you guys were at last week, which I really like. It's called Alicia Tobin's Come Draw With Me. And the next one will be soon. Do you know when the next one is?

Yeah, November 15th. Now, the show, people should go to it. It's not your typical stand-up comedy show. There's stand-up comedy at it. But it's like an audience participation thing where everyone participates. Because it's so much fun. How does it work? Tell people how it works.

We have a theme. I introduced the theme to the audience. Last time was Your Favorite Animal wearing the coolest Halloween costume. And I was surprised.

Like, almost everybody drew a picture. And then... What's going to be the November theme? Do you think November rain? Yeah.

Your Favorite Animal with a guitar solo in front of a desert church yeah and then we just look at the drawings and somehow it becomes hilarious yeah yeah it's uh no it doesn't somehow become hilarious you make it hilarious by being hilarious it helps yeah but it helps that like there's uh uh in every i think every group of people there will be a wide variety of drawing skills totally there's always professional artists in the crowd uh they make me so mad what was the best one there was somebody who drew like the panda orca oh that's right yes that was amazing yeah she is a famous artist yeah that's true so dave's was funny i was really good grandpa i'm trying to think of a famous artist but i couldn't think like frida was in the other

yeah yeah i was like but the thing that first came to my mind was whistler's mother the famed artist who did a self-portrait yeah whistler's mother that's me i'm very proud of my boy he's so good at whistling um uh your yours was i drew my dog yeah grandpa as uh he's so stupid uh i drew him as the Scottish pop duo, The Proclaimers. Yep. But it was that he was, like, it was like the Jackson 5 guys. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it was the Amazing Christopher style where two guys are connected, or a guy is connected to a mannequin with poles.

It's very hard to explain. There was one grandpa and then a mannequin grandpa. Yeah. It's very, very good. And then there was the uh this art gallery that you held it in does themed uh shows where they take submissions so in the past they've done uh you know time travel and so it was a bunch of back to the future stuff

and terminator stuff and they did a star wars one which was amazing did you see the the what do they call those walking robots at ats i call them at ats imperial walkers somebody made like a beautiful like bar oh yeah yeah yeah did you see that i saw i don't see that like you open it up and it's got like your drinks and cups yeah i saw it online but i didn't see yeah i only saw it online it was I didn't see it. Well, yeah, I only saw it online. It was like, I imagine it took years and years to make, but then... But then someone broke it. Yeah. Somebody dropped it down the stairs. Put it out in the snow to wrap it around some cables around its legs.

Somebody slid its stomach and slept inside of it because they thought it was that other thing. Look, I don't want to blame the rebels. It's just as cold in here. Oh, no. And the theme this time around was... Boobies and wieners. Yeah, so it was all... An amateur art show.

Oh, wow. There was a lot of boobies and wieners. Yeah. I couldn't believe the skeleton giving the other skeleton a you-know-what. Yeah. How do you do? Whatever. Attending to his...

A skull job. Yeah. That's truly a skull job. Boning. They were boning. Note to self. Bumper sticker design. We be boning.

Do skeletons? Was that the title of it? Yeah. Every year I get less and less afraid of skeletons. I think that's natural. As you move forward in life and get closer to becoming a skeleton yeah yeah yeah you have to just make peace with your inner and when you die like the reason you die is because you are so comfortable now with skeletons

you're no longer afraid yeah you no longer need all this meat on top yeah yeah um do you remember who is it there was a singer That had a video Where he Like Rips off his skin Oh Robbie Williams Robbie Williams That's what it was Rock DJ by Robbie Williams Have you ever seen that

No That's a pretty good video He's a British guy right Yeah And he had some drug issues Yeah He was in Take That Or West

Ciders Yeah West Westfalia Coronation Street Yeah He was in the East Enders. Yeah.

He was in RUVM, sir. I always mix him up with Robin Williams. When people are talking about it, I always imagine Robin Williams singing something. You can picture that pretty easily. Robin Williams singing a thing. That's all I ever think about. Yeah. Is he, uh, did you tell me he's on a television show?

He has a new show now. Is it on now? I don't know. It might on now? I don't know. It might be canceled. I don't know. Robin Williams Tonight, it's called? No, it's a sitcom. He plays the father of Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Oh, and she's reprising her role as the Vampire Slayer. Yeah. Forget the name of the Vampire Slayer. Van Helsing. Jenny Van Helsing. Yeah. Who are the Van Helsings? That's a great idea. Yeah, yeah. With Robin Williams? jenny van helsing yeah who were the van helsings that's a great idea yeah yeah with robin williams yeah that's not bad

it's like the adams family except they they don't they don't be monsters they don't be monsters don't be monsters nowhere be Not here. We be bonin'. We all be bonin'. So, yeah, there's that. And then recently I've rescued a couple of animals that already had homes. So that's pretty typical. You rescued them from their owners? Well, one of them was visiting my house a lot. And I was convinced that it was a stray.

Is this the orange and black guy? No, that was another dog. These are cats. These are cats. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't found a dog. If I find a dog, sorry, I'm keeping it. Although I did find a dog in my backyard,

but it belonged to my neighbors who are dummies. Yeah. It's a beautiful pit bull. I feel like there's a lot of places, even in Canada where you'd go and there would just be dogs wandering around like stray dogs i don't think vancouver not so much but once you get into the more rural areas there's just dogs yeah kinshasa um beirut uh let's see i'm trying to think of awful cities yeah in northern canada yeah, I don't think that's a thing.

Maybe rural. Yeah. No, that's what I mean. Out in the country, there's dogs. I guess they might belong to a farmer, but they don't. They just kind of roam around and they don't have to wear tags like they do in the city. They just get around, you know? There's dogs in Russia that take the train.

Have you seen those dogs? Yes. Those dogs are amazing. But why are they taking the train? They gotta get to work. Gotta go. I'm leaving. They can't get a driver's license.

That's right. As previously explained. Thank you. So there's that. No, they always have a home. So I get really upset. Because you find them and you want them and you love them. Well No, they always have a home. So I get really upset. Because you find them and you want them and you love them. Well, I can't have a cat.

I'm allergic to cats. But I feel concerned for these animals that seem to not have homes. And then they have homes. And you feel nothing. Then I'm like, you guys are jerks. You don't love your pets. Would you get the shots? Because you can get a series of shots so that you're not allergic to cats. Oh, no. I love your pets. Would you get the shots in order?

Because you can get a series of shots so that you're not allergic to cats. Oh, no. That's ridiculous. All right. What about rabies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would I get a shot to get rabies? No, I'll just get it by trying to save a raccoon sometime soon.

I can help you. Yeah. Nobody understands you. I understand. Yeah. You just need a leg up leg up yeah you're not a robber you're just where you just were born with a robber's mask yeah that's not fair yeah it's true they've just been stereotyped profiler you're in profile profiled so that's it i got more of a

i got a haircut yesterday looks real pretty did you do it yourself yep and uh already regretted it at four o'clock this morning when I woke up and it was starting to curl. And I was like, oh, yeah. You were woken by the curling of your hair? It's very uncomfortable. Do you hear something? Yeah. My head's so far off the pillow.

You don't understand curly hair. Yeah, I used just wake up to, boing, boing, boing. I want to go home. Door's right there. Yeah. Grandpa's blocking the way. Yeah.

He's wearing his little thunder shirt. So great. So yeah, that's like the regular stuff is new. Comedy stuff. When you find one of these cats, do you give them a name and a backstory? Well, the cat I found on Thursday looked like it was starving to death. It was trying to cross Fourth Avenue.

And it was all skin and bones and had like weeping eyes. And just at that moment, somebody who volunteers rescuing cats walked by. So she watched the cat and I went and got him food and water and came back and he's eating it like, like he hadn't had a meal in days. And she stayed with the cat. I had to go back to work and then she came back in to give me an update. And like an hour later, the owner turned up and explained that the cat has a disease that doesn't allow it to gain weight, but it's also 15.

I could use that. Yeah. A little dose of that disease. Am I right? Yeah. You're a bit right. I could use it too. I'm great.

Washboard. Yeah, anyways, the cat has a home and he doesn't put a collar on it and she's senile and doesn't really take care of her. The cat or the owner? Owner. Are there not senile cats? There are. I mean, if there's a cat who can't gain weight or is allergic to food, give her to someone senile who will forget to feed it.

Yeah. Oh, that's a terrible idea. What do you mean? This cat refuses care. Yeah. This cat's condition. Just let them wait it out together. You go on a website and you list all your flaws and then it teams you up with a cat that takes advantage of those flaws.

Like you're like, I always forget to close my door. This cat loves walking in and out. Oh, was the cat, did you show the cat a skeleton And was it afraid of it? The cat don't have long, I don't think When you said you went and got food for the cat What did you get? I got a whiskers Oh, yeah

I got something I could peel back the lid And then he ate so much Yeah And even like he let us pick him up And he's still eating And we're trying to find a tattoo. He's like. What did it sound like?

Now the tattoo. Are they readable by like a person? Does it say like return to? No, you need another cat to read it. Yeah. It's like a code number. Right. And then you.

Yeah, we couldn't make it out. What do you call with it? Ghostbusters. Oh, okay. Well, Grandpa has a... He has a code, a tattoo in his ear. He's also got a tramp stamp. Yeah.

And you cannot make anything out of it. You can't figure out what it says. And he also has a little microchip between his shoulders, but it has since slipped down to like pretty much the top of his arm oh is that because of his recent weight loss no it's like immediately it did and we took him to the vet and the vet was like oh well if it goes any further let us know like it's in his eye but we wonder if he gets lost if they scanned his back they wouldn't find it oh do they do they run them through like a grocery store they have to take them to the self-checkout yeah

oh that's pretty cute pretty cute visuals all around yeah can we stop getting to know me now why you're the most interesting man in the world. Yeah, stay thirsty. So I told you about the cat. Yeah. I told you about my hair. Yeah. I had a donut today. Uh-huh, what kind?

An apple fritter. Where from? Edible something. Edible arrangements. The donut bouquet place. No, that's not what it was called. It was called the gluten-free epicurean. Oh, that's not what it's called. It was called the Gluten-Free Epicurean. Oh, yeah.

Where is that? Now, you have a couple spots in town that are like favorite. Gluten spots. Yeah. Gluten-free spots. You like the, what's it called? Lemonade? That's my favorite.

That is the exact type of shop that if you were casting like a Jennifer Aniston movie, what was her job? She runs that exact place. Right, right, right. Lemonade, gluten-free. Because it is. It's very ornate when you go in there. It's very tiny and twee.

Yep. Yeah, all ladies. There was no fellas in there when we were there. I've seen fellas in there. But no one works there as a fella, right? No, I've never seen a fella there. I guess they need someone to poke the donut holes. Mercy on you.

Oh, wow. That's my favorite place. My second favorite place is Edible Flowers in Kits. How do you spell flowers? F-L-O-U-R-S. Oh, flowers. Clever. Flairs.

Yeah. And then actually the one around here-R-S. Oh, flowers. Clever. Flairs. Yeah. And then, actually, the one around here is my least favorite. Okay, cool. But it's still really good. It's the least favorite, but still great. Yeah, it's still great. Have you told them, like, hey, your food would probably be better if you added a bit of gluten? You guys heard about this new wonder ingredient?

Yeah. Makes food great it's uh it helped what do you do because you make gluten-free stuff yeah what do you what is the key thing to use because uh in the early days of gluten-free baking stuff would fall apart very easily gluten has a binding quality to it yeah Yeah. What do you use instead? Nothing. What? You just let it fall apart? No, my baking's amazing.

What do you use, though? I'm not telling you. Oh, she reaches, she has a little tin that just says love on it, and she reaches in and she sprinkles some of that on. That tin is empty, my friends. Well, of course.

It's a, well, love isn't like, any kind of physical tinnable thing of love is gross. She just melts down an ooh-hoo glue stick. Oh, okay. What? You know, the yellow glue stick.

Yeah. Did you ever eat one of those? Probably. Well, not ate, but I probably licked it. Yeah. The purple one. Right? Because they're the one that goes on purple, dries clear.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's the one that's grape flavored. I think it might have been the same one. Glue sticks, not great for gluing stuff, though. No. No, just with two pieces of paper together, but not like, you know, wood.

Yeah. Steel. Steel used instead of bolts. I just use an extra lot of glue. I always found it very hard to apply the glue evenly. Like I would get big clumps coming off in some parts. That's true. And I'm just not very crafty.

That seems like a thing Mr. Bean would have got into, using that as a deodorant by accident. Was he blind? He's just really, well, I guess maybe Mr. Magoo. Yeah, you're right. We're in rewrites right now. Yeah, yeah. The untitled Bean Magoo Project. Oh, man.

Those two will never get out of the house. Did I tell you about the guy that came into work who makes his own deodorant and puts it in a toilet paper roll? Wow. Why isn't this at the top of the list? Way to bury the lead. Okay. This guy comes into work? Yeah.

And he wanted to make his own natural deodorant. He has a recipe that he uses. Okay, and you are a famous nutritionist. That's correct. And he came in and he was looking for the ingredients. He uses baking soda, coconut oil, and maybe something else. Had he made it before? Yes, and he was looking for some...

Does it come in gluten-free? Leaf. be something else. Had he made it before? Yes. And he was looking for some. Does it come in gluten free? Leave. He came in and he's explaining it to me and I was like, cool. But in my head, I'm like, please leave. And because my face was saying, I don't hate this conversation. He came back the very next day and showed me his deodorant stick that he makes. Oh, he makes it in a stick form. Yeah. and showed me his deodorant stick that he makes. Oh, he makes it in a stick form. Yeah, he stuffs it into a toilet paper roll

and then uses it to apply to his underarms. And it's this mess. This mess. Oh, he applied it in front of you? No, but he took it out of a plastic bag. And it's just clumps of coconut oil and baking soda. At room temperature, is it? And he's showing me how great it is.

And he has one plastic bag that pushes it through the top. Oh, gross. And the cover that he makes is another plastic bag. Is the plastic bag like from a store? It was like a fruit plastic bag from getting your fruit. Oh, right, right, right. Did it have written on it? Do not, roommate, do not eat.

Stop eating my deodorant. I love this coconut stuff. Yeah, this coconut paste. I made these Johnny cakes with your deodorant i love this coconut this coconut paste i made these johnny cakes with your deodorant so at room temperature is it uh coconut oil solid at room temperature okay but it's not only coconut oil and baking soda which is also solid at room temperature and then he puts in this too and it's like it's a When he came in, did he smell bad? Should you have said, oh, by the way... His shirt's just ruined. The stuff you're using isn't working.

There's a natural deodorant section, and we all know which ones don't work. And when people come in and buy it... Dish! Dish! Look over the counter and wink at each other. Like, this guy's gonna smell. Tom's of Maine doesn't work. Jason's doesn't work. Those are the two most popular ones, too. We talked when Phil Hanley was here about the crystal deodorant.

Yeah. That doesn't work. The spray one works pretty well. You spray little crystals on? Yeah. Stitching. You just spray them all over your outfit. Crystal ninja stars in your armpits.

What is the best working of the fake deodorants? There's this weird one called Dr. Mist. It sounds like a knockoff Dr. Pepper. And it works really well. Yeah? Yeah, it's like 24-hour protection. Is it a spray? Yeah.

I've never used spray deodorant, guys. No, me neither. Yeah, it's like 24-hour protection. Is it a spray? Yeah. I've never used spray deodorant, guys. No, me neither. Well, once you delve into it. Like, I have a regular deodorant, like an antiperspirant, for certain occasions.

Meeting the president. Yeah, if I was going to, like, go out of the house, that would be the choice. It's in a floor safe. I'd actually just ran out. I was like, oh, no. Oh, no, the special deodorant. I have an occasion coming up. The spray seems very like a comical way.

It's the funniest way to apply deodorant, right? I got into it with my frozen shoulder because I couldn't get a deodorant into my left shoulder. Into my armpit. Because my arm doesn't go that far. Who is laughing at that toilet paper roll now? I get right in there. Just rub a coconut in your shoulder. It is quite often that someone comes in

and they smell and they buy a natural deodorant that doesn't work. Nothing I can do. People don't know. People don't know that they stink yeah i think they do i think i like i i think there's a small percentage of people that don't know and the rest of the people are like hey shit i'm an asshole everybody's gonna why bother

buying a lot of people that don't use deodorant and don't smell. Oh, they're all women. They're all women. Yeah. Women, I think, they can get away with it a lot longer in a day than a man can. A man's got about an hour outside of a shower before things start going pretty bad. Yeah. And it's mostly that you're worried, like, oh, did I forget deodorant? And then you break out into a sweat. The second you realize you didn't, you're done. Might as well cancel all appointments. Okay, so I feel like when

so these aren't like aerosol deodorants. No, they're like a pump spray. Although we have an aerosol one that smells really nice. When I first became a deodorant wearer was like the early 90s and it was... How old were you? How old was I? When you first got your first

year. Because I remember when I was growing up, my friend had one and she was like seven. It was like that scene in Carrie. Seven? She was a redhead. Did she have... Did she have... What?

Have you never heard that? No. I've heard it. No, wait. Incorrect. I have heard it from you. Redhead sweat more, did you say? No, she has this theory that redheads smell more. Don't! It's not my theory!

It's not my theory! It's not my theory! Someone told me that! And then whenever I say it, people are like, yeah. His theory is bang on. Nobody has ever... Yes, people have. Redheads have super pink nipples and they smell more.

These are facts. Have you ever milked a redhead? What do you mean by super pink nipples? Like bubblegum pink. Okay. Supposed to be like pinky brown or brown. Red. See through.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Clear. Uh-oh. Yeah. Did you guys see? Never mind. No, go on.

Did you guys ever see a picture? Oh, man. Of someone who got their period through their nipples. What? No. It wasn't true, I guess, though, right? It's somebody who ran a marathon or something? No.

That what you're talking about? That's different. That's chafing. What do you mean? I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't know why. Where are you getting your information about these things? I don't remember. Highlights magazine anymore. I don't know why. Where are you getting your information about these things? I don't remember.

Highlights magazine? Highlights for kids? Yeah. Goof has got his period through his nipples. He wasn't a guy. So back to deodorant. Yeah. When I first got deodorant, and I think I first used deodorant when I was like 10 or 11.

It was before I needed it, but I was like, oh, I worked up a sweat in gym class. Oh, please get me deodorant. I was super into having an accessory. I've got my comb. I've got my deodorant. Yeah. But it was around the time environmental stuff was a big deal. And the spray, what do you call it?

I just used the word. Aerosol? Aerosol, yeah. People were cracking down on that. Oh, yeah? CFCs? FCCs. No, chlorocarbon.

CFCs. And so that's why I've never used a spray, because it was like you hate the planet. And it was, as far as I know from movies, deodorant only came in comically giant sized spray. Yeah. Like it had to be like a bug spray size. Yeah. When did you first get your deodorant?

I don't know. I'm trying to think of like, it must have been, I don't know. I feel like I got the gel kind. Oh, yeah. Which is not popular anymore. But at the time, it was every kid. Oh, yeah. Gel in hair, wherever he had hair.

Shower gel, too. Oh, yeah. Shower gel was just making its presence known. Yeah. And, yeah, just gel gel everywhere. Let's all have some gel. Yeah, just gel gel everywhere. Let's all have some gel.

Yeah, I can't remember, but I do remember it ruining all of my white T-shirts. Oh, yeah. I remember that being like, because it stains, right? The antiperspirant. Yeah, it turns things yellow. Yeah. Strange. Especially with redheads. It turns them purple.

Yeah. That's what I heard. It turns their nipples yellow. Purple nipples. Dave, That's what I heard. It turns their nipples yellow. Purple nipples. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, not a heck of a lot. This past week, well, on Thursday, I went to a rock and roll concert. Oh, yeah.

I thought you guys were on the same street as I was because you're going to come to the Maria Bamford show. Yeah. That was weird because there were two Maria Bamford shows. There was an early one and a late one in the show. I went to, was supposed to start at like nine and then I got pushed an hour earlier. And so we're like, oh, maybe we can't go to either of the comedy shows. And we didn't. So problem solved.

But we went and we saw the rock band Haim. H-A-I-M. Three ladies. The three sisters, yes. That's pretty cool. With their long hair. Yeah, yeah. They're very...

Shampoo-y. Yeah. They're like the sisters from the Virgin Suicides. Yeah. Yeah. There's just something about them. Yeah, there is something about them. That. Yeah. They're like. There's just something about them. Yeah there is something about them. They're very pretty. And they're in a band.

Yeah. And we went and actually they came to my office earlier that day to do an interview. I didn't talk to them though. I'm shy. Just like behind everything. Yeah. I had already interviewed one of them before over the phone and I was like

let's keep it that way yeah not enough of an in but yeah we went to the concert and the bass player makes crazy faces when she plays can you do a face for me? oh yeah like stretching out her mouth

It looks like it's involuntary But you can't take your eyes off And the lead singer It's great by the way, I love this band So it's okay if I make fun of them Sure But the lead singer does a lot of the Sort of Michael Jackson-y

Shamona Just a lot of like Vocal explosions sort of Michael Jackson-y Shamona! Just a lot of vocal explosions in between lines. Well, yeah, one sister's going to do all the face explosions. You get face explosions, I get to do the vocal ones. What does the other one do?

Out the back. She's like a hype man. She gets the crowd on their feet. What time is it? And, like, I don't really like going out to concerts, but this one, like, I was so excited when I found out it was an hour earlier. And it was so, like, the band took the stage at 10 and the show was over at 1045 and we were home by 11. Oh, wow. Amazing.

It was great. I'm going to buy their album. And we noticed. It won't play past 11 p.m. Oh, man. We noticed like we're so not interested in being in the crowd. Like we were at the very back of the room. Eating a box lunch that you brought.

Yeah. But like just being like sort of jostled by people doesn't really appeal to me anymore. And we looked, and to our left, there was a woman, our friend and his wife, who was eight months pregnant. And to our right was a guy on crutches. And so, like, we have about as much interest in being in a crowd as this guy on crutches. And so we have about as much interest in being in a crowd as this guy on crutches in it. A super pregnant lady. So he pulls up on a rascal.

Ding, ding. Oh, wow. And there was a guy in front of us. I mean, everyone is trying to take pictures with their phones. Oh, you gotta. How else will you remember what the fuck he did?

But there was a guy like 10 feet in front of us still at the back of the room not getting like his picture's terrible like he's never gonna look at this again and be like oh remember that yeah he's just gonna delete it remember when i wasted 10 minutes trying to get a picture but what he did was he it's a stand-up uh venue like it's a big dance floor the commodore was he it's a stand-up uh venue like it's a big dance floor the commodore yeah it's a lot of uh have you ever noticed this what's the deal with that then plays in front of a brick wall uh and uh but there is an like a seating area there's tables with chairs and this guy grabbed a chair and brought it onto the dance floor and stood on top of the chair and tried to take a picture. With his phone.

With his phone. Still at the back of the room. And he's up there for like a minute taking pictures. Gets down off the chair. He's not satisfied with his picture. Takes the chair, drags it through the crowd. And then gets up on the chair again in front of people like he's blocking people's views at this point i kind of like the idea of just dragging a chair onto a dance floor and then just sitting down just to kind of like you're not

really watching the show but you're like i don't want to stand the whole night. Yeah, bring a magazine. Wow. But they're good, this band. Yeah. I thought their name was, because I've only seen it in print, so I thought it was Haim, like Corey Haim. And I thought that was a weird. It's like a syllable and a half. It's not Haim.

It's Haim. It's not. It's not. It's not Haim. It's Haim. Haim.. It's not. It's. It's Haim. Haim. Is that their name? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Well, that makes sense. That's the easiest way to name a band. I have a question. Yeah. Go ahead. They're named after Corey. Call her one.

When a person records part of a show, which they shouldn't do on their telephone, but do all the time. What did they do? Go to the office next day and then show this shitty footage to people they put it on social media mediums that's just garbage it is garbage and i don't get i get why it was the thing when phones first came out because it was really exciting to have a like a full video camera it had a tiny little device and so all you had to do was just press a button and it would film the thing. But now

it's like, who gives a shit? Everybody has one. It's the most boring, banal thing you could possibly do or upload. Well, it's not even who gives a shit. It's like, oh, I took a picture or did a video with my phone. Then I watched the video. I'm never doing this again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, nope. I don't know. I I watch the video. I'm never doing this again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, nope. I don't know. I don't like it. She's fed up. I don't like it either. If you don't like it, the door's right there. I'm not to leave. Yeah.

I don't know. Nobody who listens to this program is into that kind of shitty behavior. So, you know, we're preaching to the choir. Yeah. Right? Sure. I assume. Choir out there.

Yeah, yeah. Diane, please don't film the choir. Are the choir, like, super religious? Or are they just into singing? Well, you should be preaching to the people that are at the church not the choir they're there all the time yeah but like they're not necessarily like some of them are i'm sure like kind of you know this is my only outlet for singing well that's how beyonce got started maybe that's the only outlet for mating people for mating people for meeting people mating i want to mate you. I am going to mate you.

That's how you say it, right? That's a robot. I want to mate with you. I would like to mate with you. I have a male plug looking for a female outlet. Let's change the subject. No, let's stay on the subject. Yeah, let's talk about robo-sex. All right.

Hey, did you guys see that weird kind of documentary that was on TV about the guys, people that were obsessed with dolls? And they showed the different variations of this obsession, being a person who made these amazing dolls from other dolls in New York. He's a famous artist. And this woman that was obsessed with kind of baby dolls and how she's dealing with her depression with collecting dolls and it's ruining her marriage and then the third and most extreme that's what her doctor prescribed guys that collect those real dolls uh-huh oh yeah and there's clubs where they hang out and i guess have like real how many beds do they push together like how do they plan these these dolls like there with it. Does the doll need a whole bed? So there's... Wait.

Why do they collect real dolls? Like, why can't they be monogamous? Yeah, they can't be monogamous with their real doll. Or why can't it just have a thing where you just screw off if you're done with the one head and you put on a new head? Well, I don't think it's the head that's getting overworked. Well, if they're going out to clubs, they must be talking to them and stuff. My real doll has a really great sense of humor i wish i remembered the name of it it was horrifying well do you remember what was there was a ryan gosling yeah larcen the real girl that movie was horseshit it was the most horse at the end when like it turns out she has alzheimer's

she doesn't remember any of them yeah yeah that it wasn't a real doll it was a real woman the whole time yeah um but so these guys uh i mean on the one hand it's like okay so you're a weirdo and you found a weird thing and you found other weirdos that are into that thing and it's a harmless thing right guys that just want to have sex with mannequins which all spawned from that movie mannequin that's where it all started and thanks a lot kim control and and so that's fine but how how do you get to that part where you're like not only is this what i'm into sex-wise, but I want this to be a social element. I read it, I assume.

Yeah, probably. But do they bring the real dolls and set a table? They were doing photo shoots together. Do they feed them? Photo shoots with the doll down to the water. And they were doing photo shoots. Put it in the water. There's a magazine and they were doing a photo shoot of one of the dolls dressed up Asian style.

What? Crazy. Like in a kimono. Yeah, but like a really shitty kimono. And they dress the dolls. But there are these weird dudes dressing the dolls. So they're like, this is a beautiful outfit. And anyone in their right mind would say, no, that's a terrible outfit.

What, what if this is just a theoretical, you go in for a job interview, right? And it's a job you really want. And the interviewer is a real doll. No, the interviewer has a picture of him and his wife and it's a real doll.

Like it's him on vacation with a real doll. Do you just ignore that? Cause you really want the job? Or do you feel like you're going to eventually have to go out to a house party? Oh, yeah, yeah. Or New Year's Eve, there's going to be a company party. I think that if you get... Do you get a real kid?

Like we're going to adopt a real doll kid? What do you do for that? Oh, that's a good question. If you're already like having a relationship with this thing uh-huh is there or is it just like nah she doesn't she's a career situation you would know right away that you were about to get murdered yeah do you think there are guys who are like in unhappy relationships with their real dolls and they drink at the bar like i can't go back to that house. Yeah. They're nagging doll. Oh, my phone.

Oh, it's her. Well, I think this one guy was like, he cheated on his other dolls with new dolls. With noodles? With noodles. He brings them to room temperature. Oh, there wasn't really a guy. Was there really a guy who was cheating on his doll? I'm going to find it and send you guys the link.

It's crazy. Was it on YouTube? YouTube? No, it was on a regular cable. Oh, man. Like a TV or something. So, yeah, I went and saw a rock concert. How about you?

What's up with you? Not too much. That same night that you were at the rock concert, How about you? What's up with you? Not too much. That same night that you were at the Rock concert, I was on a show with Miss Maria Bamford at a place called the Fan Club. And I only just put this together this very second. It's called the Fan Club, and it has a gigantic fan on the ceiling. Did you put that together? Of course not. How long has this place been open?

I don't know, but I don't know how they got that fan. Did it used to be something else? Of course. It's on Granville Street. But what was it? It wasn't Deuce Bungalow Male Jungle. Oh my gosh. Deuce Bungalow Male Jungle.

Deuce Bungalow Male Jingle-o. One more. Deuce something. You better make it. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. And so that was good.

But I just realized that that's why it's called Fan Club because of the giant fan. All right. Check. Twice or maybe three times this week I got home from taking the train home and realized my fly had been down the whole trip.

So that's not great. You need new teams. Or do I just need to remember to double check every time I leave a bathroom. I double check. I check like 60 times an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whenever I'm out doing a show, it's my constant before I go on stage. That's like the last thing I check. Fly up. But man, public transit. I'm pretty sure there was at one point somebody

because somebody made eye contact and then smirked. And I was like, that's not a smirk of acknowledgement. In Vancouver, if somebody looks at you and smiles, something is wrong with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This lady was looking at me like, I'm getting one over on you. You don't know what it is, but you're doing something shitty. You didn't think you were getting flirted at.

No, not even for a second. I was like, oh, maybe there's something on my mustache. Can you even see that it's open? With the jacket I was wearing, yes, absolutely. And the belly shirt. Yeah, I was wearing a belly shirt. It said juicy. And so did your pants.

Yeah. Yeah. So that was kind of a big, that was a big. That was a big milestone. That was a big milestone for me. And then I did the thing that I thought was really, I didn't know this was genetic, but this is a thing my dad does all the time. And it happened to be last night where I'll watch a whole movie convinced I have not seen this movie. And then in the last two minutes I go, oh, right.

I know how this all wraps up. What movie was it? Gone Baby Gone. Is that? Casey Affleck. Oh, right, right, right. two minutes I go oh right I know how this all wraps up what movie was it gone baby gone uh is that uh Casey Affleck oh right right right and uh Morgan Freeman yeah yeah and it's it's great but I like it was Clint Eastwood picture no I think it was it wasn't it Ben Affleck oh right right it was pre-town pre the town yeah and it's really it was like really good but but i just as i was watching it was like i'm really enjoying this and then in the last two minutes i was like oh i know what the twist is we watched that together did we yeah yeah so that's probably why you

couldn't remember it so i've inherited that and uh before you got or when you got here you were telling us that you just helped someone move. And you started telling a story. And I was like, is this something that could be on the podcast? How about Aaron Reid bringing a giant length of rope? Yeah. So I was helping past and future guest Emmett Hall. Negotiable. Okay. Am I right?

And it was actually everybody involved have all been guests on the shows. Taz Van Rassel. Caitlin Howden. Aaron Reid. And Emmett Hall. And we're not moving. So it was a Sunday service. involved were have all been guests on the shows taz van rassel caitlin howden aaron reed and emmet hall and we're not moving a sunday service basically a sunday service and you and uh i was standing in for uh ryan beal and kevin lee was skyping in yeah best wishes skype movie moving um so uh it was only a few blocks but uh aaron had uh he had a van and we were strapping the mattress and box spring to the top of the van and aaron brought he bought like 100 feet of rope like so much rope and so every time he would put it over the mattress he'd have to

like like somebody had to basically run the length of the alley to pull it through to the other side. And so then I cut the rope. I had a knife, so I cut the rope and then I was going to cut it again. He's like, no, no, no, don't cut it twice. He's got big plans with his rope. Yeah. And at one point they threw the rope way over and it landed on a dead rat.

Oh my God. Oh no. So nobody wanted to take it. And Alicia tried to adopt it landed on a dead rat. Oh my god! Oh no! So nobody wanted to take it. I was just concerned. I'm like, did you do something with it? Yeah, he's like, it's my pet rat. He can't gain weight, so he does it. This is the thing he does where he dies.

Anyway, so move was successful, but it was just so much rope. Oh, and then when we were tying the knots, I tied a knot. I only kind of know one that I remember from Boy Scouts. Yeah, the shoelace. And then Aaron tied about 100 knots, which all came undone basically by just pulling on the rope. They all just... On purpose?

No, no, no. They're just bad knots. Just really funny knots. I'm that way, too, where I can't estimate how much I'll need of something. No. Well, certainly you can only buy... I imagine it was the minimum amount of that type of rope you can buy.

Well, I have a 50-foot microphone cable here that I will never use because we don, I have a 50-foot microphone cable here that I will never use, because we don't operate in a 50-foot room. Well, you know, maybe sometimes they'll want to do some crowd work. I'm like, okay, well, this room, I don't know, how many square feet is it?

Like, 100? 200? I don't know. I'd say, yeah. I think 200's a good guess. Yeah, and so, like, okay, 50, 50, so one wall's probably 50 feet, another wall's 50 feet. Oh wait, no, that's 2,500. But yeah, anyways, it was just

great that that dead rat showed up when it did. Well, you know what? It was right next to an abandoned pear. So the theory was that he was headed towards the pear and then died just before he got... Yeah. And then I think somebody moved the pear closer to the rat, like a memorial.

Oh, and then this was another nice... Do all rats go to heaven? Yeah. Well, I don't want to go to heaven. It's rat infested. It's all it is, is rats. Also, they've got the big plague problem up there. Huge.

What problem? Plague. Plague. Oh, okay. Is it plain? No. Well, because planes go through heaven several times a day. Oh, yeah, that's true.

I can climb for that. The other great thing was that Caitlin Howden showed up and had a giant piece of luggage that was filled with clothes that she was going to donate to one of the clothes bins. And she just hoped you would go past one? I don't know what the plan was, but while I was helping Emmett upstairs when we came downstairs, she had struck a deal with a homeless guy who was now attaching the luggage to his shopping cart. The deal was take this for me? Yeah. Hey, do you want a

luggage full of clothes? Donate this stuff, or you can smell some of it. So, great, fun, fun move all around, and we wish Emmett best is he done is the move done done was a half day move yeah he had moved a lot of this stuff and then we were just moving the big the big stuff i'm never moving again no this is it for you well because i it takes too long you're gonna be uh they're gonna bury you somewhere on the property? Right next to a pear. This pear I never got to eat.

Too mealy. Well, let's move on to Overheard, shall we? Yeah. This is Jesse Thorne, proprietor of MaximumFun.org and host of International Waters. International Waters pits a team of comedians in London against a team of comedians here in L.A. over several rounds of very stupid pop culture questions and games. The points don't matter. The funny does. And every once in a while, you'll see a Rube or a Rustic tuck the tablecloth into their pants

and stand up and ruin everyone's evening. That's someone who never went to a practice restaurant. So join me and the best comedians in the English-speaking world for International Waters. Go to MaximumFun.org or look for us in the iTunes store. This is Biz. This is Teresa. We host a show called One Bad Mother. We're a comedy podcast about parenting. Not a parenting podcast. And for some reason, we seem to be most popular among single dudes with no kids. Weird. The only advice you'll get from us is when we tell you to stop feeling like shit for being a mom.

Or a dad. Or, you know, a single person with no children. Find us on iTunes or at MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard. Things when you're walking, strolling, running, jogging. Now, Graham. Yes, sir. Before we move on to to overheard it's time for my segment

oh it's just overheards this week favorite segment of mine the one about this goddamn professional wrestler who every week i have to hear about and it's my oh my toil it's my it's it's like i'm being tested by God, the way I have to deal with it. I'm like the Job of podcasting. But there is no news this week. Oh, didn't someone send us pictures of a guy dressed up as Hulk Hogan in a marathon, and his nipples were bleeding?

Oh, yeah, that's true. That was pretty good. Yeah, and he wore a Hulk Hogan costume, but they were literally bloody yeah bloody on his yellow uh but it matched because it was yellow and red yeah the color so it did match also somebody sent us a picture of a sexy hulk hogan as a uh an option oh yeah a halloween costume costume yeah i don't hate it they said the worst costume ever and i was like that is nowhere near no yeah not even i like i i don nowhere near the best costume. No, yeah, not even.

I don't know. The lazier the costume, the angrier I get it. Was it called Sexy Hulk Hogan, or was it like Sexy Wrestler? Yeah, Sexy Man Wrestler. Yeah. Because she's got a mustache still. Yeah. But does he own those two colors?

Colors? Yeah, and they don't run But only when he wears them Otherwise they just make orange I have a question Do female marathon runners get bloody nipples? No Well, they can wear a bra And there's probably, you know

They don't have to Do they have to tape them up? You guys don't know the answer Well, no, no, we don't We know the answer, no no we don't know we know the answer yeah if you run a marathon you're good there's it's basically like friction cotton or three hours straight yeah like that's like having something run this podcast yeah by the end of every podcast my nipples are bleeding right through

his nice sweater yeah yeah yeah well. It is a nice sweater. Yeah. Oh, that would be a very funny Christmas card to send out where it's like everybody's wearing very nice white cable knit sweaters, but all bloody nipples like the whole family. That's really good. That is really good. Oh, I kind of want to have a family now. But like everything else is just totally regular, but you're all wearing magic sweaters and then just bloody nipples.

Great. Super great. Why are you looking at me with that face? Oh, just that's my face. All the other faces is me pulling a face. That's my natural face. So overheards, these are things that happen every week. They happen every day.

There are people talking too loud, don't know that they're saying something dumb. Yeah, and just... And we report them to you, the ones we've heard, and you report the ones you've heard to us. And we like to start with the guest. I'm ready. And you've been sitting on one? Yeah. You've been saving one?

Many have come and gone, but this one really sticks out. No pun intended. We don't know yet. Yeah. Well, I was talking to a stick. What do you want to do today? Let's hit somebody. I was walking to Cabby Street from my house,

and there was a group of teenage boys, about 13 or 14, walking towards me, seven of them. And I said, yeah, I know. So you get a little sweaty. Thank God for my natural deodorant that I made in that toilet paper world. I had a coconut oil. And a squirrel's tail. And I get a little bit nervous. And, you know, they're not going to make room for me on the sidewalk.

I get pushed off and land. And, you know, they're not going to make room for me on the sidewalk. I'll get pushed off and land. Are they walking seven across? They're walking in a group and they're taking up the whole sidewalk. Team style. Tourist style. Three deep. So I end up walking through them and just then I hear one guy. And they have a basketball.

And they're smashing the basketball. Well, dribbling would be, I guess. They're dribbling the basketball. But it's just all the things that make you nervous about high school boys. Yeah, they had switchblades. Yeah. Greaser haircuts. Yeah.

And as I walk through, one guy says to his friend, I jack off. And two seconds later, I have to jack off again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a real problem, that guy. He's going through double puberty. Yeah. Two seconds later, I have to do it to reverse the damage I did to the first one. Because I'm OCD about it.

Yeah. If I do one jerk. If I do one jerk, I've got to do another jerk. Oh, wow. Yeah, the teenage boy needs that. Yeah. The teenage boy needs three things uh really a baggy pants uh that that just bunch up around their running shoe uh a backpack that's uh really

stretched out from carrying all the books at once and uh constant jerking jerking jerking off that's all a teenage boy needs yeah to succeed uh in shelter oh yeah shelter absolutely um dave do you have one well before uh we do i thought about this actually during the break we were making fun of this guy's homemade deodorant what would you use to make your own deodorant oh i would just probably, now you would know about this because you know about natural elements and stuff. Vanilla. If you just put vanilla down there, will it just burn? Will that just hurt?

Like the stuff you use for baking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it a try. Because I think that would be pretty pleasant. Yeah. I mean, there's vanilla. I think vanilla shouldn't be used in body stuff. It's a food smell.

Here's my theory on it. I like food smells. Yeah, like I put some vanilla down there. I don't want to smell someone's body. I start sweating. It heats up all of a sudden. You smell like cookies. Is somebody baking cookies?

Mm-hmm. I put some chocolate chips down there. Down there. Graham pointed to his crotch. No! I just pointed down. You filled in the rest. No, you pointed at your crotch. No, that's not where my crotch No I just pointed down You filled in the rest No you pointed

At your crotch No that's not where my crotch is It moved Can't afford to rant I think mine would just be And I want this Really bad right now Because I'm feeling kind of hot

But like The perfect shape For a deodorant Is a snow cone Oh yeah yeah so like a blue raspberry ice cold oh that'd be very refreshing yeah first thing in the morning um is that right cold closes up the force well yeah but none of these ideas are good to the listener big big to differ what about if you put one of those Dr. Scholl's things like you're supposed

to put in your shoe like odor eaters and you just tape like that like dress shields. I've never heard of a better idea. Speaking of cold, I used to think,

well, I was like, before when I was a young, before I like blossomed into a man, I used to think like, oh, cavemen, like I don't have any hair on my body. I used to think, oh, cavemen, I don't have any hair on my body. I used to think, oh, cavemen had so much hair on their body because they were out in the wilderness.

So maybe if I got ice cubes and rubbed them on my armpits, I'd get armpit hair. How did that work? I didn't do it. Oh, no? and like just how did that work i didn't do it oh no but i was like i mean i imagine it would take a lot of patience because because you know not one application's not gonna do it i feel like you missed out on uh like like if we had known each other younger in life i would have convinced you to do it i would have been like go get some freezies and hold them under your arms and then i'll uh eat the freezies yeah i'll drink the juice once they're melted. I don't remember getting body hair.

I do. Me too. What was it? Do you remember the day? Yeah, it was the greatest. I was like... The worst. Yeah, I imagine for a woman, it's the worst.

Well, it's not the worst. The worst is getting your period. But doesn't that all come in the kind of same... All on the same day. Well, it comes in the same time period, no? Yeah. But for a guy, it's just... Time period.

Yeah, time period. It's a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie where he... Where he becomes a woman. He gets his period through his nipples while he's running. While he's doing the splits. He gets his period through his nipples while he's running. While he's doing the splits. How many times in this podcast have we talked about that?

That. That thing. That thing you do. That thing where Jean-Claude Van Damme. That thing you do is also a movie about periods. Where he dances and gets the erection. Do we talk about it in every podcast oh the video clip of him dancing

that's still so funny yeah I watched that he was a very virile man he couldn't settle it down he couldn't settle it down

tell me more about this first day of your well it's I was the first day that I had like a facial hair i was so fucking excited it was at my friend's house and i just like caught a like a glimpse of myself in the mirror i was like was it a mustache yes i was like this is the very very beginnings of a mustache

and i was so excited i was so thrilled i couldn't like i didn't say anything but in my head i was just like i just felt like I was 10 feet tall. It was the greatest because I was like, this future sight of mustache. I don't remember getting it, but I remember like day two being like, I gotta get rid of this stuff. Like,

I gotta get this out of here. Gross, look at me. Now I had a bad teenage mustache as soon as I could grow one. How long did you keep it for? Forever. To this current day. Became a man's mustache.

You've shaved. Yeah, I did. I shaved at... But you made your own shaving cream. Yeah, absolutely. Out of garlic milk. Barf. That's disgusting.

Do you have it overheard? Mine is an overseen. And this, forgive me, guys. I used my phone while driving. Oh, no. To take a picture of this van. Forgiven. It is a business van.

The business is the Markovich Homes. And I don't know. I didn't know what they did until I got up beside the van and took more pictures. But from behind, they have a bunch of like, they're not, I wouldn't call them slogans. They just have, I guess they got some

letters that you can apply and make sentences. Just like stuck on. And there's like... Like color forms? Yeah. Like you can see just like little. They made sort of like.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. They kind of vinyl peel off. Yeah, exactly. Decals. And some of them are like about. It's all sort of advice, but it doesn't have anything to do with their business

Which is their home inspectors Home and mold inspectors So they come over and be like Hey, nice mold Yeah, yeah This is going to make some good penises This is coming along nicely But it says things like

Is your home healthy and safe? Love, love, and love Recycle, donate, share, and volunteer. Stop bossing me around, Van. Drink water. Oh, no. Eat fruits and veggie. Not veggies.

Just one. Respect nature. Be optimistic, but realistic. Oh, sure. Yeah, temper it. And what else does it say? I hate Oh, sure. Yeah, temper it. And what else does it say? It says, cry

and smile. At the same time to terrify your loved ones. It's advising you to do the Claire Danes school of cry acting. Oh, wow. So, yeah, a home inspector just like if you just opened the yellow pages and are like okay i'll pick this home inspector and then they show up with this van of like motivational stuff you're

like oh wait a minute mold inspectors dog walkers yeah and the name of the company is goofy gus home inspector oh no they also do Party Clown. There's a van near your house that says Paris Plumbing and Heating. Oh, how elegant. Romantic. Ooh la la, the city of lights. The city of plumbing. Yeah, the city of toilets.

Yeah, have you been to Paris? It smells a lot like pee. Does it really? Yeah. Everywhere? I mean, all of Europe does. They're big on perfume, aren't they? Yeah, they spray it

on their dicks. Do they? Yep. Just like Marilyn Monroe used to say. Spray it on your dick. On your dick. You spray it on your dick. I won't.

Oh, I haven't overheard. Mine is courtesy. Here's a, this is being on public transit, and there's a definite forward trend I've noticed of late. Keeping your fly down. Yeah, keeping my fly down, having people acknowledge it, but not telling me that my fly is down. It's just a real jerk move, right? Which part?

They don't know you. Yeah, that's true. They don't know me. Maybe that's what I like. Maybe they have to air out my balls. Alicia doesn't tell stinkos that they're stinkos. You can't tell a stranger your fly is down. I think that if you, I always think that you should say something.

Yeah, because I've seen ladies say like you're, you know you got that dress stuck in the oh it's the girl or whatever once my zipper on my dress broke and i was walking down hamilton street i was wearing a thong so where was your zipper on the side or the back straight down the back oh so people could see your tongue yeah my thong song was the 90s everybody wore thongs were people like that dressed as a scandalous I think this guy was like ew gross and his zipper was broken he was probably like alright

yeah come on yeah thumbs up tongue it up so there was anyways this trend of people with giant cell phones. Like the phones have gotten like they're kind of in between a tablet and a phone. Sure, yeah. And so you can't hold it to your head.

You just have to talk next to it. Yeah. It's the goofiest looking shit in the world. And there was a lady. So she was holding it too far away from her head to hear out of the voice hole. So she just kept getting the same word wrong. And she's like, why are you going to see her? And the lady said something.

She goes, why are you going to see her? And then just kept going on. And then she said, oh, are you going to see her? And then it just kept going on, and then she said, oh, you're going to Sears! Why are you going to Sears? To see her. Oh, okay, yeah. See them new Robux.

Anyways, just if anybody can discreetly snap a pic of somebody using a hilariously oversized phone. I can't get enough of them. Those phones are not convenient because you can't use your thumb. You have to use another hand. And also you can't put it in a pocket. You have to carry it.

They're lady phones. You put them in a giant lady purse. Yeah, that's true. I still think it's hilarious when someone's using their iPad to take a picture. And they have to back up and back up. Oh, so funny. So funny. I still think it's hilarious when someone's using their iPad to take a picture and they have to back up and back up. Oh, so funny. iPad, yeah. So funny.

iPad picture, like camera taking? Yeah. Camera photo taking? Yes. Oh, Graham just had a stroke. Garlic milk. We also have overheards that have been sent in to us from around the world, if you want to be one of them people, why don't you send it in to

spy at maximumfun.org And this first one, I don't know that this is this person's name, but it's great. Okay. The last name is initial R, and the name is Night Carl.

Night Carl. Night Carl. Yeah. I thought Night Carl was pretty great. Yeah, the Night Carler. So this is a fancy custom frame around a license plate on a car. This is a sun faded early 90s Ford Taurus. There's a woman around 60 behind the wheel, unassuming, slouched behind a pair of sunglasses for over-regular glasses. So, blue blockers.

Oh, yeah. From the drugstore. The frame, a mirror chrome number, clearly personalized at a mall kiosk somewhere. Simply read, on the top, fan of, and on the bottom, Hugh Jackman. Pretty great, Night Carl. That's true. Night Carl. Night Carl. I own the night. And this Carl's Jr. I'm a fan of Night Carl. That's true. Night Carl. Night Carl. I own the night.

And this Carl's Jr. I'm a fan of Night Carl. Yeah. Yeah, me too. That's my license plate frame. Yeah, fan of Night Carl. There's Day Carl, and then there's Night Carl. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Do you think he's a Jekyll and Hyde? Yeah, he's a Jekyll and Carl. Yeah, good for you, Carl. You keep it up. That's a good one. This next one is from Nathan K. Parts unknown.

Nathan K. This is a photo from inside a grocery store. Okay, so he's from somewhere that has a grocery store. Yeah, oh, absolutely. Yeah, so not... That sort of... That narrows it down. Yeah. Yeah. And it absolutely. Yeah, so not... That sort of... That narrows it down. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's one of the aisle signs, and the heading on the aisle sign just says, various kinds of cans. Yeah. All the labels have been taken off? Yeah. Let's do this. Grab bag. Uh-oh.

These aren't peaches. Cream of corn. Cream of corn. Every can is just cream of corn. Yeah. There's one at my grocery store that's close to my house that just says ethnic. Oh, yeah. But it's everything.

If you wanted salsa or soy sauce, it's just everything. The matzahs. I found that weird. It's a pretty... It's not that big an area of the store. The weird thing is when they have stuff in there that's like...

Craft macaroni and cheese. Craft dinner. I guess that's kind of ethnic. Yeah. Italian? Yeah, exactly. But no, yeah, that's true. It's weird how many cultures

they can fit in that aisle. It's like from soup to nuts. Couscous to kale. Kale? I was going to say couscous to moose moose. Well, I'm glad you did. It's like chocolate moose made out of moose.

I want to talk about something, but I'm waiting. Go. Okay, I thought of this, and then I wanted to talk about it. Okay. You're playing with a placemat that we use to dampen the sound of the drinks. Oh. Only because you were playing with a coin before, and I took it away from you. Give me the coin back.

You took the bottle. First, you took the bottle opener away from me. Then I found this coin. And now I have all three things you lose. You're like a crow. What did you want to talk about? Is this a Halloween? Every year I think of a great Halloween costume, but I hate Halloween.

And this year I thought of not a girl, not yet a Wolverine. And? Was that a good costume idea? Is it like the Britney Spears video, except she's transforming into a Wolverine? Is it like the Britney Spears video, except she's transforming into a wolverine? So you're wearing kind of like a halter top and a tight, low-ride jean. And then you're standing on the other side as a wolverine. The Grand Canyon.

What do you mean the other side? They get funny. It's like down the middle. Like Paul Anthony's character, the Dolly and Kenny. Yeah, okay. You couldn't just be Britney Spears with the claws? That's way easier. And the blonde, crazy Wolverine hair? Oh, yeah.

That's way easier. Pretty good, actually. Can you cut out that last part of it? I'm not a girl, don't tell me what to believe. Snicked. Not yet a woman, bub. Yep, bub. Bub. Yep. Pretty great.

This last one comes from Matthew L. from New York. This is all about the description of what happens. It's great. This is, I was running along the river on a path that borders a park where nearby families were picnicking. on a path that borders a park where nearby families were picnicking. I was running towards a group of kids having a birthday party, and as I got closer, I saw the birthday boy excitingly taking a soccer ball out of its cardboard display packaging. He has older brother, and he started running off into the open space

to start playing with his new toy. The older brother dropped the ball and gave it one swift kick towards the birthday boy. As the ball sailed through the air, it ricocheted off the younger brother's hands and flew into the Hudson River and floated away. The younger brother immediately started crying while his older brother had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. As I ran past, I heard the older brother try to console the birthday boy.

Well, at least we learned something. Oh, man. Oh, boy. So great. Yeah. Do you have siblings, Alicia? Yes, I have an older brother. Was he this way? He was so mean. Yeah. When we have siblings, Alicia? Yes, I have an older brother. Was he this way?

He was so mean. Yeah. When we were kids, he was pretty mean. He's not now. What was the classic older brother prank that he pulled on you as his younger sister? But one that was really brilliant. He put a bugger. Good already.

on the light switch. I turned on the light. I got it on my hand. Another time. He found a piece of chocolate on the stairs. It's like, Alicia, I found a chocolate on the stairs.

Would you like it? And I put it in my mouth and it was poo. Oh, mother. Well, we're all crying. Was it ever chocolate? No, it had just been flattened by somebody's shoes, and it looked a bit like chocolate. This was shortly after my neighbor poisoned me by feeding me a whole thing of X-Lags, because she told me it was chocolate.

Why did your neighbor do that? Yeah, everybody got it. I don't know. We were watching the Kiss movie, and she was looking after me. Why did your neighbor do that? Yeah, everybody got it. Was she a grown-up? I don't know. We were watching the Kiss movie, and she was looking after me. And I remember she got this look. The Kiss movie? Yeah, where they're the scary Kiss guys.

And I was like, five. She's like, want some chocolate? And I'm like, uh-huh. Was she a grown-up? She was like a seven. Oh, yeah, yeah. I was four and 4 or 5 and I was so excited to hang out with her

and she was like do you want some chocolate and of course I said yes because I'm still the exact same person and then I don't remember anything else because I had to go to the hospital and I ate the whole box she ate the whole box it's not good tasting chocolate. I know, but in the commercials it looked really good.

Yeah. And you still like chocolate despite these two traumatic... Yeah. I'm not a smart person. Okay, well, in addition to overheards... Have you read three? Yeah. Yeah. In addition to overheards, have you read three? Yeah. Yeah.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. You want to call us? Cough. Go ahead. Cough. We'll leave that in. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8308. Hello, Dave, guest, and I suppose Graham. This is Paul F. Tompkins. I'm calling from the

Comedy Bang Bang Tour. Right now we're in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and I was walking around the city where I grew up, and there was a young man, I'd say in his 20s, who was walking down crowded city streets, going the opposite direction that I was. He's coming towards me and just sort of looking above the heads of all the people in the street and saying sort of loudly to everyone and no one at the same time, exactly like this, what did y'all do today that was constructive? I helped save a wounded bat. He's loud and he's proud. Yeah, wow.

That's amazing. I don't know how you... Right up your alley. Yep. That guy's who I am. That's what your inner voice sounds like. What'd you all do today? Hey, Alicia.

You doing all right? When these things happen, I'm like, well, at least I did that today. Yeah. You did a lot today you saved a life today I just heard that was Paul F. Tom because I just heard him on the I've described it before the Saved by the Bell podcast Go Bayside

where they watch an episode you guys would be so great at that oh I'm so jealous that he got to be on yeah i bet he was really good on it too no he was so dead it was the shortest episode ever it was like 30 seconds have you seen his um instagram pictures of when he was a child yeah oh my god every throwback have you seen them no oh you gotta, you've got to join Instagram.

I do. You're right. Every Thursday is a picture of his, this is like a school picture, and he's wearing a necktie or like a bow tie and all of them. Oh, wow. He's like little Paul F. Tompkins. He really made a decision early on. Stuck with it.

Good for him. Thanks for calling. Here's your next phone call. I'm in Annapolis, Maryland, and there is a woman sitting at an outside table trying to eat a falafel. And she's on the phone because she's gotten interrupted. And she's winding the conversation down. She says, okay, I'm going to eat my falafel. Yeah, I'm going to eat my falafel.

Okay, you know what? This is my first falafel, and you are really disturbing it. You knew what day this was. Hi. Make it short. Yeah. That was great. Yeah.

I got to... Okay. She seems like the kind of person who answers the phone with, talk to me. Falafel time. I guess no one really... You can't eat a falafel. Is that a one-handed? You shouldn't eat and talk on the phone.

I mean, falafel is the patty, right? Yeah, wrapped in the pita. Not necessarily. The falafel is just the whatever. Oh, yeah. I guess it would be a falafel sandwich. Is it a chickpea patty? It certainly is.

With garlic. Milk. Milk. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. I mean, you never forget your first one. We were reminiscing about our first falafels earlier on the episode. That's right.

So delicious. Turned into a mustache. Yeah. What? That's like, there's not a lot of good falafel places in Vancouver. Well, he was in Annapolis, Maryland or something. Yeah, yeah.

They're really known for it. Yeah. Falafelton. You're, don't feel awful. Have a falafel. That's their slogan. Oof.

Here's your final overheard. Hey, Dave and Graham and guests. This is William from Chicago, and I'm calling in with an overheard. I was waiting in line to buy cheap tickets for a show in Chicago,

and there were a couple people in front of me, and there were two sets of Asian couple, older Asian couple, couples in front of me. They weren't together, but they were a couple people in front of me. And the first pair went up to the kid working at the box office

and asked where Evita was playing. And he timidly paused and had to say, at the Oriental Theater. And they were like, okay, thanks, and walked away and then somebody else helped and then the second Asian couple

went up and asked the same question where Evita was playing and he like scoffed or he quietly like sighed and looked embarrassed and looked around and kind of whispered at the Oriental Theater.

And they knew the answer but wanted to ask again because they heard the first couple. And they said, is that a joke? And before he could respond, they said, we're just kidding. Thank you, and walked away. Oh, they got him good. Pretty great. I like how whispering would ease the blow. It's the oriental theater.

I don't know how to break it to you, but this is what we used to call you. Until like five years ago. Well, thanks for all the amazing overheards. And Alicia, thank you for being our guest. That's it? That's it. You've been on That's it? That's it. You've been on before. You know that's it.

What more can... Remember how many times you wanted to leave during the past hour and a half? Remember how many times you asked to leave this show and now you're like, that's it? Yeah, it's like... It's like camp. Yeah, when you go to summer camp. You hate it and now you've made friends. You guys want to know what I did at summer camp?

Okay. I pretended I broke my legs so I didn't have to hang out with anybody. Except the nurse. Also, did the nurse not give to that? She's like, everything's fine. It's maybe a spray. And I'm like, I don't think I can go to church. Because my parents sent us to a religious camp

and we were not religious. Was it cheaper? I've been there. My friend from growing up was going there, but she didn't really like me. So when I got there, she just never hung out with me. Aw. What a jerk. Should have fed her some of that Exlax chocolate.

That would have fixed her. Never do that to anybody. From the canteen. From the honey hut. That was the thing at my campus. You could let your parents could say, oh, yeah, he has 20 bucks to spend. Give him 20 bucks. And you could get to spend it throughout the week at the candy store.

At the honey hut? Yeah. Oh I just go to the Honey Hut? What kind of candy? Just regular? Only Ex-Lax candy. I want to go now. Okay, well, you're getting rich. When is the next Come Draw With Me? The next Come Draw With Me is November

15th at Hot Art Wet City. It's a Friday. November 15th, hotartwetcity.com gallery. 15th at Hot Art Wet City. It's a Friday. November 15th, Hot Art Wet City dot com gallery. Yep. That is on Main Street at 7th? I think, yeah.

You're in Vancouver, British Columbia. And what else? People should follow you on Twitter. You're very funny on Twitter. Thanks, guys. Alicia A. Tobin. And anywhere else online people can find you? Stuff you want to promote? No.

That's it? That's that one. All right. Hey, speaking of Twitter, sometimes do you tweet at Hulk Hogan and say, Hey, can I get a retweet for Hulk Hogan News? Yeah. Sad. Well, here's the thing.

He always batch retweets. And so sometimes I'm just signed in at the exact moment that he's retweeting. So that's why I'm like, throw my name in the hat. You're not doing it every day. No, just when I see that there's eight in a row and he's just like auto retweet. Because some of them are like, hey, I think you suck. Can I get an RT? And he just automatically retweets everything. Has it ever, hey, I think you suck. Can I get an RT? He just automatically

retweets everything. Has it ever worked? No, not for me. But it's I figure it's just a numbers game. And you've got to be in it to win it. You've had a lot of really funny tweets recently. Oh, thanks. Hi, Troy. Both of you. Thanks for having me. It's always so much fun.

Well, thanks for coming. You're one of our all-time faves. Yeah. And the fan's all-time faves. Yeah. Dave, anything to plug? Oh, she just thinks she's so clever. I don't know.

Hey, guys, have a safe Halloween. Oh, absolutely. Oh, we didn't even talk about Halloween. Yes, we did. Not yet a Wolverine. Yeah. And other questions. Oh, we didn't even talk about Halloween. Yes, we did. Not yet a Wolverine. Yeah. And other questions. Hey, there's more money here.

It's all yours. Whatever you find, you get to keep. If you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap, pictures and videos relating to the content of this year episode. Yeah, I guess, like the video. I don't even know the Jean-Claude Van Damme video of him dancing. Oh, and then he gets an erection.

Yeah. Fantastic. Is that in a movie? Nope, it was on some sort of show. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's on YouTube. All right, I'll Google it.

I'll Google YouTube. And, yeah, if you want to write a review on iTunes saying how much you love the show and how it's just changed your life, go ahead. And if you want to get in touch, it's spy at maximumfun.org or 206-339-8328. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. How's this? Is this better? Higher. Higher? I was hitting your chin there.

Yeah, mouth styles. Julia styles. Yeah, when she's due for a comeback oh she's in the Bourne movies she's also in a TV show like Parenthood or something yeah

is that Erica Christensen maybe let's save it for the podcast save it save the last dance that's what Julia Stiles did um

ba ba ba ba ba brain ba ba ba the song's about a brain yeah yeah a giant brain oh yeah it's the

first zombie hit. I thought it was a barang. It's Barbara Ann. Barang. Yeah, it's about a boomerang. It's an Australian hit. It's their national anthem. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boomerang.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boomerang. I want you something. You got me rockin' and rollin'. Wait, no. You got me rocking in a Rollo. No, you got me coming in a going. You got me dingo in a baby. Dingo in a baby something, yeah. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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