Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 295 - Aaron Read

Episode Date: November 11, 2013

Aaron Read of the Sunday Service returns to talk cat cafes, dating shows, and House of Cards.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 295 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always on this crack-smoking-est day in Canada's history, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, today is the day. We're recording this on the 5th of November, remember, remember. For a different reason now.

Yeah, this is the day that Canada's favorite mayor. Yep. Mayor, I was going to try and say the guy from Back to the Future, but then I forgot his name. Goldie Wilson? Thank you. Yeah, no, Rob Ford from Toronto.

Yeah. First round pick. Admitted to spoken crack and isn't going to step down. Oh, but I feel like by the time the episode comes out in six days, the story will be different or his head will have fallen off. But the exciting thing is how excited

Canada is to be mentioned in the international publications. It is like I was... We all stopped what we were doing at work to watch it, to watch the press conference today. It was like our moon landing. Yeah, where were you? Yeah.

Yeah. And I had a raging boner. And our guest today, very funny young man, a member of the Sunday service and a musician as well. Yeah. And you were telling us before the podcast that you're putting together a track meet. Tri-city track meet. I didn't say it was Tri-city. What are the three cities?

We're talking about Vancouver. Everyone's rooting for it, but we got some sweet underdogs. Yeah. We got Burnaby. Yeah. Obviously. And Tacoma. Yeah, Tacoma.

Actually, just about a four-mile radius around the Tacoma Dome Tacoma Actually just about Like a four mile radius around the Tacoma Dome Yeah Not actual Tacoma, just the Tacoma Dome radius Your name is Aaron Reid My name is Aaron Reid Thank you for being our guest And should we get to know us?

Sure Get to know us. Now, Aaron Reid, in addition to being a hilarious comedian, musician, and you traveled, like, last year you traveled around the world. Oh, yeah. I did that. With, what was the outfit called? With a group called How to Dress Well.

Oh, with Cameron Reid? Yeah, with Cameron Reid for a while, and then he got a job in Toronto. Oh, right. And he threw on this suit and tie and let this time dry. Yeah, he works at, what, Saks? What does he work at? Yeah. Saks & Co.

They supply all the burlap for potatoes. Yep. I love it. He's a stitcher. He's head stitcher. Why is he wearing a suit and tie? He's head stitcher. He has to give dignity to his life.

Yeah. It's a very undignified life. Burlap sacks are used mostly in coffee bags. Yeah, potatoes. Potatoes. I've always felt bad in those coffee commercials. They just tear into those sacks. Can't reuse it.

Yeah. Reduce, reuse, Juan Valdez. What was that noise? Oh, that was the... One in a million. But you did, you traveled like... Yeah. For like a year.

Yeah. Where did you go? All over. We did like, and some places twice. We did... That sounds like an ad for some places twice. What does that mean? Some Places Twice.

Going to Florida again. SomePlacesTwice.com. The travel agency that gives you a discount on going to Some Places Twice. Travel the world in Some Places Twice. But yeah, we did the US twice, Europe twice, and then we did Asia and Australia, which is really crazy. Just once. Some places once.

That's too much. What was the craziest? Craziest was probably Asia, probably. Yeah, we went to Tokyo, Beijing, and Shanghai. Crazy. We took a train from Beijing to Shanghai. That was weird. It wasn't the Orient Express.

Was there a murder? No, it was just like a weird desert with factories in it. And then lots of homemade graves. Maybe a little too dark to start off. No, no. What do you mean homemade graves? Like tombstones. No, no. What do you mean homemade graves?

Like tombstones. There was like huge factories and then towns where all the people lived who worked at the factories. And then like homemade graves. I think, maybe not. This could be like a total. But what, they were just like signs sticking out of the ground? Oh yeah, they were just like crosses and like little humps. And that's pretty typical grave imagery. It's like if you're drawing

it's a cartoon of a grave. Graham, what do you want on your tombstone? Oh, pepperoni, pineapple. You want meats. Have you noticed that the tombstone pizza, frozen pizza, they still have commercials? They do.

And it never occurred to me as a kid that a frozen pizza called a tombstone which was not familiar there is it yeah that's literally what it is it's a frozen pizza and it's called no it's not in the shape of a circle but it's called a tombstone why is it called tombstone i don't know i assume because it's hard and cold. Who makes it? Tombstone. Tombstone.

Oh, that's the brand name. Oh, jeez. Oh, you thought that it was this particular type of pizza, like a Hawaiian or a tombstone. Yeah. Okay, so you're in China. You're seeing homemade tombstones. Yeah. You're in Japan.

What did you do in Tokyo? Well, the thing with touring is you don't really have a lot of days off, so it's hard to tell people what you did. Because you didn't really do anything? Because sometimes you didn't really do anything. You're just like, well, you just... But we had a couple days off in Tokyo, and we were in the Shibuya district, which is that huge intersection that they always show

when they're like, downtown Tokyo. And they show an intersection with a million people. Lost in translation. Yeah, exactly. That was, yeah, lots of stuff there. Wow. So we went there. Did you play Dance Dance Revolution?

No. You can do that here. I can do that here. Did you buy something out of a weird vending machine? No. I think we walked past the place where the, like the cat cafe, where they have cats. But then someone told us that they sedate the cats.

So we were like i'm not going in there that's weird i don't want to go into like is that from something okay what is the cat cafe apparently yeah they have this like cafe where you go and you it's like a regular cafe get coffee and treats but you can take out cats from you can like have a cat for the moment in the cafe and the cat will pretend to be into you? I don't know. I don't think they can control that, but maybe. But you just, the cats are there. But then someone told me, it's like, yeah, they sit down

at night. So you go, like, it's like At night? Maybe I'm getting that part wrong. So that they're refreshed in the morning? I guess so. You don't want the cats sleeping all day when your customers are there. So it's like the like the red Light District. You pick out a cat.

It's like a cross between the Red Light District and Red Lobster. But they have some crazy bars there. We didn't go, but someone told me that when they went, there was a bar there where you go down and it's like a haunted house bar. So, like, drink it with your friends,

someone will come up to you with, like, a fake chainsaw and just, like, come at you. It's insane. Yeah, that's amazing. And so, probably a lot of spillage in that bar. That's probably where they make all the money. Yeah, you have to sign a waiver when you go in. Like, if you spill a drink, that's on you.

I can't replace it. That should also be the dog bar where dogs go and drink the beer you spill. That would be amazing. A bar where humans and dogs intermingle so they have dogs playing poker and dogs just sitting at the bar

with their paws up. Yeah, you flirt with dogs one experimental night where they have a bartender who's a dog and it just goes all to shit yeah you can only make one drink water throw a beer on the ground yeah um yeah that but uh really like a haunted house bar like every every, that would be a weird, like, ah, you know, blind date. Let's go to the haunted house bar. That's nobody's hangout.

Like after work, like, ah, long day at the factory. Let's go down to the haunted house bar and get scared. Did you guys do any, uh, we just wrapped up Halloween in a tidy little package. Did you guys do any haunted housing? Like I did. You did guys do any haunted housing? I did. You went to one? Yeah, I went to the one near the airport.

What? The one at the... I hate to tell you this, but there's no houses by the airport. That haunted house hasn't been open for 20 years. Oh, shit. Shit, I left my wallet there. And no one can see this But I'm showing Dave And grab my giant scar that I have from that night It's a crop circle

Not a target, it's a crop circle Where you went Like it's an actual What is it called, the Dunbar? I can't remember Dunbar haunted house or something Was it called? The Dunbar? I can't remember. Dunbar haunted house or something? Was it scary? Yeah, it was pretty scary.

On Dunbar? No, it wasn't on Dunbar. I'm wrong. But it was near Marine Drive. Was it a giant old house? It was the last year that they were doing it. It was one of those ones. Was this the last year? This was the last year this was the

last year okay too dangerous that's what if i if you run a haunted house you have to say oh this is the last year we're doing it because it's so dangerous yeah you can't say because we're doing renos yeah uh because uh it's way this property's way too expensive yeah to operate something 15 days a year so they had some crazy stuff, though. They had the Inquisition. It was like a history one. It went through the different times in history. So there are people acting out stuff in this.

Okay, cool. What were the spookiest times in history? Inquisition. Inquisition. Crazy genocide. Witch hunting. I think the 80s. Yeah, sure.

Wall Street. Yeah. Freddy Krueger. You know, anything medieval. All the medieval times. Yeah, sure. A lot of... Wall Street. Yeah. Freddy Krueger. You know, anything medieval. All the medieval times. All the medieval. Right. Ugly dudes.

You know, I was talking to somebody who's never seen... Was it you? That had never seen Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? I have seen that. Okay. I was talking to somebody that hadn't, and I was like, well, there you go. That's the generation gap right there. It's fine if you haven't.

Is it, though? Yeah. I think if you haven't seen it at this point, you can miss it. That's true. That's my guarantee. Okay. Well, that's not a money-back guarantee. You guarantee it.

Yeah, but what's a money-back guarantee on the money you don't spend to see a movie so there was the Inquisition what other well then it was kind of loose Oreo you started in a Egypt Egyptian Egypt time okay the okay the okay, the mummy. The mummy's. Oh, scary. The mummy. The scorpion king. Yeah, scorpion king. The queen of the dams. They were just playing Dwayne the Rock Johnson at minus 400%. They were walking through... Minus 400% what?

Slowed down. Oh, okay. Speed. Okay. And then went through the Inquisition, and then there was like a weird, like, maybe... Was Jesus in the middle? There was no Jesus in the middle, but, oh, this reminds me. There was like a forest part, I think that was medieval.

This is all inside a house? Yeah, it's all in a giant warehouse. And you kind of go through a big maze. Yeah, scare house. Absolutely. That was an easy one. But there was one crazy part where I was walking through and I was going with my girlfriend and my two sisters and then it was me. Were you holding hands with everybody?

No. Was everybody grabbed onto you? I did make my sister and her boyfriend go ahead of us. Originally I was slotted first, but I know that you kind of get a backseat, so I forced them to go ahead, but I was too scared. But we were walking through, and everyone had gone through, and I was just kind of trailing behind, and this guy who was dressed as a tree, and he came up to me.

He was super tall, too. It was really intimidating. He's method. This was something that he could only do to a male who's an adult. He went up to me, and he was like, he went up to me, and he was like, you like a guy who's an adult. He went up to me and he was like No, he went up to me and he was like You like a guy

with a big bush? And I was like What? You can't You can't do that? Yeah. And he was just waiting for like a white

Oh, like a white adult man to be like I got this. No one's gonna be offended. This guy deserves it. He's so white. That's so white. Were there kids there?

Yeah, there's tons of kids. Oh, really? Yeah. Is it scary? Is it equally scary? I feel like you have to hold back for the kids. Maybe they do. I remember when I went to Fright Nights when I was in grade 9, and it was possibly the most terrifying night of my life. And then I went again in grade 11. Total joke. Oh, yeah. I went in grade 9, and it was possibly the most terrifying night of my life. And then I went again in grade 11.

Total joke. I went in grade 4. What? To Fright Night? It was like some neighborhood one. Okay. It freaked me out. It didn't freak me out in like it wasn't long-lasting,

but it was scary. I got a real charge out of it. Just the idea. And I've always... This is my favorite thing. It's just someone jumping out from out of nowhere. And I go, I used to have two roommates in college.

And we would always jump out and scare each other. And we would take four liter milk jugs that were empty and just hit each other in the face with them. I just remember one time I jumped out. You could either just yell, blah! But I jumped out in front of my roommate and I yelled, showtime! And I punched him in the face. With a milk jug? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Fun. Yeah, I think I went to Fright Nights when I first moved here. But then I'm questioning my... That's the one at the Pacific National Exhibition? Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like whoever I went with wouldn't let go of my shirt.

Okay. I was really freaked out. Because you walk in at one point and you can't see anything. Were you with a sloth? exhibition yeah yeah but i feel like whoever i went with wouldn't let go of my shirt okay i was like really freaked out because you walk in at one point you can't see anything with a sloth i was with the sloth and i wasn't wearing a shirt so it was very uncomfortable were you with a cat from the cat bar yeah a cat i picked up at the cat cafe um but there's a part where you walk in and there's no light and then the big scare is that a light comes on and blinds you and somebody screams at you

but that part where you're walking through you're like I could just trip and really hurt myself because I don't know where anything is but I guess somebody must be able to see or maybe not is everybody just working blind? nobody's got to do you have to sign anything or is everybody just working blind I think it's nobody's got do you have to

sign anything or is it just like an implicit like you buy the ticket here's a sign you have to look at and then yeah yeah yeah

it might get hurt yeah cause uh did you have to do that at the scare house no no no it was pretty tame no one was gonna touch you

like I think I don't know that tree sounded like he wanted to touch you that tree was a special case yeah and I was fine with it cause if anyone's gonna get that it's me was going to touch you. I don't know, that tree sounded like he wanted to touch you. That tree was a special case. And I was fine with it because if anyone's

going to get that, it's me. Just because I'm an adult male and he's like, kid, lady, kid, kid, lady. You think he's been mad all night? Like, oh, another kid,

another lady. Where are all the good guys? I just want somebody to assault. I took it. You had to. You had to. I had to. What were you going to do?

I don't know. Break out a hatchet? If I was crazy homophobic, I could have really gone off in that scenario. But the bush is really confusing. Yeah, yeah. Because he was covered in bushes, so he was making a pun, but also... But not really. Guys don't call their pew care a bush, do they?

Can. I guess. What do you call it? Nothing hair a bush, do they? Can? I guess. What do you call it? Nothing. Yeah, I guess you're not like, well, when are you ever talking about your bush? On your way to and from a waxing. And when you're going over the script for your haunted house that you created. When can I put in my bush line?

script for your haunted house that you created. When can I put in my bush line? I got here early to audition for tree. I mean, you know, I'll take shrub, but I prefer tree because I got this really great...

Oh, we've combined the roles of tree and shrub, so the tree will be covered in a bush. Oh! Okay, yeah. The branches are turning. Yeah. The leaves are Oh. Okay, yeah. The branches are turning. Yeah.

The leaves are turning. Okay, so. Yeah, you went everywhere. Yeah, you've been everywhere. Haunted houses, Tokyo. Yeah. Haunted houses, Tokyo. Are you back?

What, that song where that guy's been everywhere? Yeah. Two places, Tokyo and a haunted house. Cat bar. I've been everywhere. everywhere yeah two places tokyo and a cat bar homemade grave cat bar tokyo that scene from lots of translations um and are you now you hear are you staying? Are you did you like the life of a traveling musician? Yeah, it was pretty cool. I mean, it was pretty weird. It's and it's weird to be away from people for so long.

Especially with like if you like with the Sunday service and stuff, there's like always stuff going on. And it seems like there's a bit more stuff going on now. So it's like it's a bit weird. It's a bit weird to like plug and play yourself into your friends lives. Oh, that's the way. It's the, it's a bit weird. It's a bit weird to like plug and play yourself into your friends' lives. Oh, that's the way. It's the new frontier, right? Oh, really? Everybody's doing FaceTime. You know, Dave's in Auckland.

I'm in Berlin. You're in, where, Tokyo? I guess. Are you at the cat cafe? I am. There's birds. I brought a bird in. Keep some entertainment. I'm talking to security.

Have you ever traveled as a musician before? No. Not even as a person. I've been to Toronto before that. Oh, so this was you. You saw everything all at once. You've been everywhere, man. You've been everywhere.

What was your favorite place? Favorite place? Homey Graves. Tombstone. I don't know. That's a tough one. Least favorite place. Least favorite place?

That's got to be easy. Come on. Slag a whole country. North Carolina was pretty crazy. Why? Well, maybe the show we played was really crazy. Okay. There was lots of really weird bros out there.

Yeah, I bet. It was just a really aggressive scene. Was it a college town? Yeah, total college town. Did everybody show up like overalls but no shirts underneath? That kind of look? Chapel Hill. No, not like

country college. No, they were like, they all kind of look? Chapel Hill. No. No, not like country college. Billy Jim? No, they were like, they all kind of look like the kind of like tattooed beard. The tattooed beard? Yeah.

Oh, my. Tattooed Abe Lincoln beard. You know, the standard bro look. No, but they all had like ear, they all looked like kind of like

fit Screamo dudes. Like, like juiced screamo dudes, like not skinny, like screamo dudes. What is? Like if an MMA guy and like a screamo dude, like combined flesh. That's what he looks like. Now, Graham, your question is going to be what is screamo? What is screamo? Yes. It's like. Scream. Your question is going to be, what is screamo? Yes. It's like... Screamin' emo. Screamin' emo. It's like emotional music. Like, hard emotional

music. Like, you're sad about something, you're mad about something. Is it a lot of bands that have one screamer and one singer? One singer, yeah. Sometimes they're the same. I don't understand how you can go between the two in a concert. Is Alexis on Fire? Alexis Alexis on fire they have the two singers and one of the dreams yeah is that what that is but it's not that

screaming into that not that like it's that it's one guy who's like roar and one guy is like the guy sings the choruses. So it's like... It's like how in One Week by Barenaked Ladies, one guy raps and one guy's like... Finally, an analogy I understand. Have you heard the new Barenaked Ladies song? Have I seen the video? Have I heard the whole album? But did you hear, or did you see on Twitter, past guest Woodhands made a video that the Barenaked Ladies seem to have just decided to remake?

Oh, I did not. Yeah, because Woodhands had a video that is called CP24. CP24. Thank you. And it's all news. It's them playing like newsreaders and there's the apocalypse is happening. The Barenaked Ladies new video, exact same concept. Weird.

Yeah. Not that weird. Somebody just saw it and said, we'll just do that exact same. We'll just do that thing that's already out there. We're more famous. More people will see ours. No one will know. And done and done.

Have you seen the guy who's no longer in the Barenaked Ladies? Because he did drugs, right? Well, I don't know if that's why. He's brought forward. Yeah, brought forward. I think it was a creative choice to leave the band. I thought because he did cocaine. He did a cocaine.

Yeah. There's no denying he did cocaine. He's now hosting a TV show about food. Yeah, like some restaurant. Oh, that guy. Oh, it's like, what is Stephen Page into now? Yeah. What kind of kooky, you know, he probably, this Cat Cafe.

Probably be all over it. Yeah, that's probably his dream episode. They saved that for sweeps. Stephen Page and the Cat Cafe. Do you think he owns the right study of his songs? Can he go like, I'm in the Cat Cafe with the lights on? Yeah. Whatever you said.

I'm in the Cat Cafe with the lights on. They go too fast. You can't make fun of them. They go too fast. I'm at a horror house. It's so dangerous. You'll have to sign away. I mean, those are lyrics that make sense.

What was the... I just learned this this week. Oh, the song, speaking of like 90s groups, that song, Semi-Charmed... Kind of Life. It's about meth. I didn't know that. Did you,

you knew that, like from way back? Yeah, doing crystal meth on the view up until you break, it won't stop. Yeah. It's about somebody

who did crystal meth, and I think dies from it is the sense I get from the song. Anyways, it's not, it's not a, it's not a pro crystal meth song.

Well, part of it is. Yeah. Makes it sound like a lot of fun. This guy was gold. It was gross. It was taking tips of it from a nose that I wish you could go back there something i didn't know the lyrics in the picture you would take doing crystal yet he puts his hand over his mouth when he says that part and they do it because all i knew was uh those panties passed the test that's the only lyric i knew he dated um charlie's theron for a long time

do you think it was her panties was singing about? Well, she died of meth. And then it was like a Don Draper situation. The Charlize Theron we know is not Charlize Theron. Right. Like Don Draper? Yeah, like the original Charlize Theron died in that song. And then this other lady just took on her identity.

Oh, okay. Oh, right, right, right. So she was originally Donna Draper. song sure and then this other lady just took on her identity okay oh right right right so she was originally Donna Draper uh-huh and she was the lady dick Whitman vagina Whitman yeah the anyways I didn't know that you knew that you didn't know that didn't know it but it's like such a happy song. Oh, it's great. Yeah. Got that vocal hook.

Yeah, but it's like, did he used to do crystal meth? I don't know. Huh. Anyways, is he in the Barenaked Ladies? Stephen Jenkins? Yeah. Yeah. He's the new Stephen Page.

Do you think that there will be a reunion and will anybody care? There definitely will be a reunion and will anybody care? There definitely will be a reunion. Will anybody care? I don't know because I don't think a lot of people know that the Bernica ladies are still a thing. Well, fans of, uh, what is that shitty show called? Big Bang Theory. Big Bang Theory.

Oh, yeah. Air Farce. Oh, yeah. They did the theme song for Air Farce. Did they really? Yep. Holy. Da, da, da, da, da, yeah. They did a theme song for Air farce? Did they really? Yep. Holy.

That's true. Wow, very ladies really are, they've really woven themselves into our. Yeah, our national fabric. Yeah, because Big Bang Theory was the most popular show on Canadian television during the hockey strike. Oh, really? Yeah, like by like a mile. And so, you know, right? The show actually makes me angry.

I have a thing that if I'm at a thrift store and I find a shirt that says Bazinga on it, I buy it and I mail it to my brother, who hates the show the most. Is that a catchphrase? Yeah, the alpha nerd. Someone has a catchphrase that's catchphrase? Yeah, the alpha nerd. Someone has a catchphrase that's bazinga? Yeah. No. Yeah, Sheldon.

Sheldon, yeah, yeah. I can honestly say this is one of the shows I haven't seen. I know I see ads for it, and I probably have seen it while other people watched it, but I've never... Never sat down and watched an episode. I feel like 10 years ago, you could never have seen an episode of Seinfeld and just then see it all in reruns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now you can avoid reruns really easily with the internet. Like the plague. So I've never seen... I haven't seen a whole episode of Two and a Half Men.

Oh, really? Oh, you must. It's great. Or Charlie Sheen's new show, which is the same show. That'd be great if they just migrated over the cast until the whole cast was on his new show. In the new show? But different roles? Yeah.

Like the brother would then play the kid? Yeah, and the kid would play the uncle. This is too confusing. Yeah, especially since I don't really know the dynamic. Ashton Kutcher plays the son. Well, I do know the dynamic. John Cryer is the uptight guy. Halfman is a child.

Yeah. And Charlie Sheen has sex with people. But I don't know the new dynamic. I don't even think viewers quite understand it because it was like a thing where Ashton Kutcher's character bought the house and then let this guy and his kid still live there? Which happens all the time.

That's what happened to my parents. That's how my brother was just a kid who was living in the house. Let them still live there as his roommate? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, the day after their brother died? Right. That's right.

And you can imagine whatever crazy convoluted discussion in the writer's room that they, I don't know, he'll just say, they'll just get along well. And, yeah, but that's the basic premise. And then Big Bang Theory is just four nerds. Yeah. And then one of them's, like, way nerdier than the rest of them. Yeah. And then there's a girl across the hall that hangs out with them.

She's so hot. She's so hot. Everyone thinks she's so hot. She's so hot. She's in commercials for things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's she in commercials for? A car.

Some sort of car. Okay, yeah. A Saturn or a Focus. Maybe a Focus, not a Saturn. They don't exist car? Okay, yeah. A Saturn or a Focus? Maybe a Focus, not a Saturn. They don't exist anymore. Oh, yeah. And maybe a juice or a coffee? It's something where she magically appears.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she guides you through your Toyota RAV4 experience. But it's not Toyota RAV4. That's what makes the ad so confusing. Yeah. Instead of buying another car. And she's like, here's what you do. Was she on How to Date My Teenage Daughter? Or was that Megan Fox?

I don't think that was the name of the show. How to Bang My Teenage Daughter? Yeah, she was on that. Oh, okay. No, the one with John Ritter. Right. The one where you go on a date with someone's teenage daughter and the dad is in an earpiece

in the man date's ear and he's... I think that's an actual MTV show. Yeah, it is, but... Not that weirdly. It's not this weird one. No, it's not that, but the show you're describing, there's not...

The dad doesn't talk to the, that's not how it works. Tell her she has a nice shirt. So weird. No, that isn't how it works though, is it? No, no, no, no. No, I think the parents are watching the date. And they, the parents have set the daughter up with a new, because they don't like the daughter's current boyfriend. No.

But the dad isn't giving advice. Touch her boobs. Don't do it. Now's your chance. Also, have you seen that show? It's so watching a regular family try

and act. Clearly the lines are written. They're like, because the boyfriends say insane things to the dad. Super mean stuff. Yeah, like, you're a fat asshole who has a tiny dick. And they're like, you can't just say that to your girlfriend's dad. And he doesn't

get to say, get out of my house. He says, we'll see about that. Yeah, we'll see during the dick comparison. That's how they end each show. He says, we'll see about that. Yeah, we'll see during the dick comparing content. This is how they end each show. The final round. And they crop it so you can only see the dick, so you don't know whose body it's attached to.

And then you text your favorite. It's like, they borrow the gear from America's Funniest Video. What gear? To make a vote. Voting? Do they have an in-studio audience? This is all happening live? Yeah.

While you're voting, let's take a look at some of the other dicks we've seen today. In slow motion. We don't usually talk this much about dicks. No, we don't. But what we do, we like to dig in. I got the cropped image in my head and I had to say it out loud. What did the guy with the bush say? Oh, he's like

He asked me if I like a guy with a big bush Yeah He should be on the show You're a fat asshole You're a fat asshole Why did I ever let you take my daughter? So abusive Oh boy

Does anybody know the name of that show? No. No. It wasn't Next. The Apocalypse, family style. But we've all seen it. Yeah. And it's...

Wasn't there another show where people got to go in other people's bedrooms? Oh, yeah. Is that the same show no that's a different show different show that's like a date show where before you go on the date you go in their bedroom before you meet them and yeah yeah you kind of figure out what kind of person they are that's right you oh that's right they you don't know who they are and then you rummage through their stuff mtv's daytime programming it was like i only ever saw it on afternoons that's true i don't know what mtv's

up to these days but if they're doing they're on the same trajectory about like it's not about strippers but it's about like waitresses at a crazy bar oh yeah it's like a real it's like a 10 years too late a reality show but the coyoyote Ugly movie. They also do the nurses. Oh, I heard about that. Yeah, where it's like, daytime, they're saving your lives, but at night, they're killing you. It's like the Jersey Shore beach. Yeah, they're all murderers. They're all texters.

They're all texters. Oh, wow. So they go out and get... Get hammered and have complicated lives, social lives. How long, how many episodes in before the nurses realize that they can steal medications and get super high at night with them? I don't know. I don't think they can show that. Episode two?

Episode three? Before they run out of... Because what is every episode? Oh, I'm so hungover from... Yeah. They get in trouble at work. Give me a saline drip to recover or whatever. Oh,

this guy's pancreas is gross. But then later that night, she's all up into a guy's pancreas. She's doing shots out of a pancreas. It's like a double standard. The work pancreas versus the play pancreas. They also have that show, I don't know if that's an MTV show, where kids party and their parents watch the videotapes. Oh, I've never seen that.

That sounds great. They get four kids to go party without parents under the knowledge that they will be filmed and this will probably be shown to their parents. And then they get groups of parents to sit and watch what their kids do. And their kids are obviously terrible. They're like 18-year-olds. Wow. Suburb kids. That's great. That's as good a concept as it gets on television. They're getting real drunk and fights and saying terribly arrogant things.

Yeah, just slagging off their parents the whole time. Your dad's a fat asshole. You're the guy from before. And this guy doesn't have a fart. And this guy knows how to fart. Who gives this guy his own show? Oh, man. Isn't that, that's a rare condition this day and age.

Yep. But it's when there's a reality show where someone gets their own show out of it. Like, not, like, Jersey Shore, Shore like Snooki now has her own show but I mean like that lady you know the one that has a daytime talk show and she oh yeah oh boy what's her name like regatta yeah regatta sale no she's got it she was on the the Bethany is it Bethany, she was on the... Bethany. Is it Bethany?

Bethany, yeah. She was on The Apprentice as well. Yeah, she was on The Real Housewives, then she was on The Apprentice. Swap the order. Oh, she was on The Apprentice first? Yeah. She was Omarosa. Oh, and then she was on The Real Housewives, and then she made a drink thing that you mix.

It's called Skinny Bitch. Skinny Bitch. This is all true. Crazy. Skinny Bitch wine. Skinny Bitch vodka. Skinny Bitch Zambuca. Yeah.

Yeah. It's cool. It's very cool. It's all I drink. And then Ellen DeGeneres produces her show, Bethany. And then I read in the trades at the grocery store I was flipping through. Variety.

Ellen was kind of trying to dump the show because it was a real snooze. Because why wouldn't it be? Oh, that's true! Discount Bethany! The latest show in the Maximum Fun lineup, Bethany. Skinny Bitch Presents.

When we run promos for other Maximum Fun shows, let's run a Bethany promo. I watched one episode and her interview was with, oh boy, John and Kate Plus Eight. Which one? John or Kate plus eight. Which one? John or Kate? Kate. Kate Gosselin. And it was like, whoa, isn't this a new show? Why are you already scraping?

Someone who hasn't been famous for three years. It's just like, Vanilli's dead, but we've got Manilli. Manilli, Vanilli. Manilli and Nili. Silly Manili and Nili, the kids' performers. Have you watched any of the Queen Latifah show?

No. Yes. Yes? Yeah, it's amazing. Why? What does she do? What's so great about it? She's got really tight sketches. Solid sketches. Good desk pieces. One sketch was Rosetta Stone for moms. She has actual sketches? She has pretty stellar sketches.

I don't know if you're kidding. They're way better than Arsenio Hall's sketches. Wow. Which are not sketches. They are ill-planned ideas. Done. They're like, you have a bad idea? Let's put it on the shelf.

Can we flesh it out into a good one? No need. Arsenio drops things in a toilet. Sees what will block up a toilet. Actually, that's pretty funny. And then people bet. You get a bunch of gamblers that would be on the track. That's basically Will It Float.

What's that? What's Will It Float? Will It Float was a thing they did on Letterman for years where they just brought out a giant tub of water, had a lady with a, like a, what was it? It was like this metal grinder, and she was wearing a metal bathing suit, and she would grind it,

and then sparks would come off her bathing suit. Another lady with like five hula hoops, and then a couple of models holding whatever the item was. It would be like a ham or... And then you would just throw it in the water and see if it would float. Ah, that's great. Yeah. Will it plug a toilet?

And then Paul Shaver, will it plug a toilet? That's pretty much it. So really Queen Latifah does sketches? Yeah. What is Rosetta Stone for moms? It cuts to mom sitting at a table with her daughter and the mom asks something and the daughter's like,

OMG mom, R-O-F-L, you don't know anything, L-O-L-G-G. And then the mom's like, what's going on? And then Queen Latifah comes in and explains the whole thing. Is Queen Latifah somehow in every sketch? Oh she's featured heavily. She's all over us. She's the host. I was really impressed with her show.

I knew it was going to be good because... Is she funny? How did you know it was going to be good? Because she's not a comedian. No. She shouldn't be. Oh yeah she's a rapper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rapper actor. Raptor. Yeah. And a royal. She played on the Toronto Raptors. She's a clever girl.

But she, on her very, I watched the very first show she did, and she came out, because she had a DJ, because they all have DJs. Wow, but I feel like, you know. Ellen was the first. Ellen was really, she broke the DJ barrier. Arsenio? No, did he have a DJ? No, he had My Posse. Oh, what's that?

I never watched Arsenio. Everybody say hello to My Posse. And then they touch fingers with him and the keyboard player. Does he still do that? I don't know. Touch my pussy. Posse. Oh, gotcha. So she comes out, DJs.

Does she dance? Does she go in the audience and dance? She comes out, she gestures. I feel like Ellen should be championing this show. Yeah. Yeah. Get behind it. Who are the best lesbian daytime TV hosts? Rosie O'Donnell.

Queen Latifah. Is Queen Latifah a famed lesbian? I'd venture to guess. Don't know. Ellen. Ellen and... Oprah. Oh, well, controversial.

Yeah. Is she or isn't she? Will she or won't she? Bethany. Ricky Lake. Sally Jessie Raphael. Jenny Jones. Jenny Jones.

Purse check. Still the greatest segment in television history. Yeah. That's a weird thing. But why did you know it was going to be good? Oh, yeah. Because she came out and after her DJ played, she's like, man, that's crazy. She's like, DJs are rocking

the world these days. I thought that was a really amazing thing to say. An amazing segue to introduce your DJ. Like, DJs are rocking the world these days. David Guetta. Well, she finally addressed it. No one

was talking about how DJs are so popular. She just got right into the hot button issues off the bat. Who's her DJ? Avicii? I don't know. Skrillex? Does she have... Is it... Screamo?

Skrellmo? The Screaming Elmo? DJ Skrellmo! When... Does she talk with the DJ Is he funny Is it a he Is it a she It's a he Ellen's DJ is no good

No she's not I mean he's fine He used to be good But he's not like a chatty guy Yeah he's not funny Right He's more hot He's more like points

He's like hot He's like hot and good at DJing He's hot He's like hot. He's like hot and good at DJing. He's hot. He's hot. Hot. I remember one week he was away and they had like guest DJs on Ellen. And one of them was Samantha Ronson, who was at that point famous for dating Lindsay Lohan.

Still at this point, isn't that? Well, she's's you know mark ronson's sister and she was just like i don't think she's been awake at two in the afternoon before and like had the sourest look on her face that's amazing just just playing in front of uh just a huge room full of housewives. Yeah, moms in pastel cardigans. You've seen the footage of a young Zach Galifianakis in the audience at the Ellen Show? Yeah. So great.

Oh, no, I don't. Oh, yeah, where he's just staring? Yeah, yeah. His now wife, at the time girlfriend, was a big fan of the Ellen Show and brought him down there. And he clearly doesn't understand the dancing part. It's all like before the show. Yeah, yeah. I think he was asked to leave. That's how the story goes.

Well, yeah, no, like Ellen looks at the audience is dancing for like half an hour before the show and she looks at like the cameras in the crowd and she was like, get rid of that. Yeah, yeah. This guy's creeping me out. It's amazing. And it is very funny. He wasn't famous to her. Yeah, and also This guy's creeping me up. That's amazing. And it is very funny. He wasn't famous to her.

Yeah, and also he's clearly just, he's the only guy that's not dancing. And he's one of like five guys there. Yeah, but just very suspect of what's going on. Oh, jeez. Yeah, people give it up. They go crazy. Yeah, they go nuts. I don't know what they do.

Didn't she stop dancing for like one show? Oh, yeah, and they were like, cancel it. And she was like, no, no, I go nuts. I don't know what they do. Didn't she stop dancing for like one show? Oh, yeah, and they were like, cancel it. And she was like, no, no, I can dance. I can still dance. They made her go on So You Think You Can Dance so she could redeem herself. But she was sitting at home watching when then Queen Latifah broke that DJ story. She was like, duh.

She spat out. What did Latifah say? DJs are rocking the world right now. They are. No, you're right. What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. All these housewives in the audience.

Yay. It's true. I guess you gotta let them know. Yeah. Well, they know. I'm DJ Housewife. I made some cookies. Yeah.

I DJ with a rolling pin. I'm DJ Housewife from 60 years ago. Dave, what's going on with you, man? You know what? We're 45 minutes into the show. Here's what's up with me. We really did some damage. It's a good thing that not much is up with me.

Here's what. Last week, I got really sick, and then it stopped being sick. Yeah, you look like a million bucks. Thanks. You look great. You're rocking the world. Yeah, thank you. I'm the DJ of this street.

We had a Halloween here. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was Halloween night and day, but I was only here for the night. And it's really only scary at night. Yeah. It's kind of scary during the day. Can be. Yeah.

Foggy. Depending on how much debt you have. Halloween debt. But this was actually the first year that I've given away candy. Oh, yeah. And. You're in a proper candy giving away spot. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's a neighborhood that has kids yeah and um uh so i got home from work at like i left work early so i could get home uh and like make dinner and walk the dog before kids came around to pick up their treatsies and uh for some reason I was super nervous. It's nerve-wracking. Yeah, because kids come to the door and we're like, okay, what do I say? Because I remember as a kid you say trick-or-treat,

and then you say thank you. But I don't know, I forgot what the adults are supposed to say. So I was like, what do I say? Oh, cute costume. Oh, what are you supposed to be? Nice to meet you. Oh, what are you supposed to be? Nice to meet you. Oh, wonderful. And then, oh, and the day before Halloween, I went to the store and I got two things of like chocolate, little fun sized chocolate bars to give away. And I didn't speak with Abby.

And she came home with three huge boxes of chocolate bars, Twizzlers, and these skeleton puzzles. That are made out of candy. Yeah, they're made out of like Pez candy that you put together into a skeleton. I love it. So much fun. So tasty. And so we had, I think about, if I do the math, over 200 fun-sized pieces of candy. Whoa.

And so I'm home on Halloween night. Abby's still at work. Were you wearing a costume? Did you costume up? No. Okay. Did you put on spooky sound effects? No, we didn't even have a jack-o'-lantern.

Oh, no. We had two little pumpkins that we put out just to let people know, hey, candy. that we put out just to let people know, hey, candy. So at like 5.15, someone comes to the door, and it's a little girl, and I gave her a little bit of candy,

and I was like, oh, what a wonderful costume. Some dumb princess. Everyone's a princess. You're like, I blew it. No, come back again. Let's do this again. Do it better. And then like an hour goes by, Like, I blew it. No. Go back again. Let's do this again. I can do it better. Oh.

And then, like, an hour goes by and no one comes again. You've eaten so many puzzles. Solved and eaten so many skeleton puzzles. And then the next, like, an hour later, someone knocks on the door. And it's not even, it's two parents that have two little like not even one year old kids in costumes and I'm like I guess I'll give like I have so much candy to get rid of but

I'm not going to give your kid five pieces of candy if you're one year old so I give them like one you know Reese's cup each and then Abby gets home and every time the door rings, someone knocks on the door for the rest of the night,

I'm hiding in the back of the house. I'm scared of kids. Grandpa's afraid of fireworks. You're hiding under the bed because you're scared of kids. Yeah, and so... Abby's got a man everywhere. We give away candy to a total of seven children. Whoa!

That's like none. Yeah. So we've been eating nonstop candy. Oh, so delicious. Yeah. You know, I think you said you wanted to up your fructose level. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. My doctor said I'm not having enough corn syrup. Dave, you're not having enough corn syrup. You're not having enough fun. Yeah. Lose it up, man. You only live once. Doctor feel good. My doctor said I'm not having enough cord service. You're not having enough fun. Lose it up, man. You only live once.

Dr. Phil. My doctor said I'm not having enough nibs. Your nibs level is really low. I don't like these nibs numbers. I'm worried about you. He gives you one big nib to take home. Wrap it around your arm. So you remember to eat a nib.

Don't make it into a hat. Everyone makes it into a hat. I don't like it when people do that. You can't make nib it into a hat. Everyone makes it into a hat. I don't like it when people do that. You can't make nibs into a hat. If you had one big one. Maybe Fruit Roll-Ups you could make into a hat. You mean kind of like a Devo kind of hat? Exactly.

Okay. All right. I get you. But I didn't go to any Fright Nights or anything. I didn't really get into the spirit of it. Aaron did. Aaron did it all. Did you give away candy? Did you dress up? No, I went to go hang out with spirit of it. Aaron did. Aaron did it all. Did you give away candy?

Did you dress up? No, I went to go hang out with my mom to give away candy. But I was going to dress up, and I was going to go do sound effects, like live sound effects at my parents' house. Well, DJs are rocking the world, right? Well, yeah. I'm one step away from rocking the world. Got to quit the live show, though.

So what kind of live sound effects? Can we get a sample? Creepy synths, and then like a beat going. Like a... You just go like... And screamo. You do a screamo into the mic. You do one screamo.

Yeah, and then you just loop it. And call me in the morning. Oh, wow. Yeah, when you said sound effects, I thought you just meant like into a microphone. Just you. I think if you have enough reverb, you can do... Yeah, you can do sound effects. If you have rhubarb, you can do like a creepy wolf or a scary wolf.

Woodgetting? Or like a haunted wolf. Or like some kind of dead wolf. Seeds would be worse than getting a toothbrush or raisins. Like seeds. Like seeds for like, you know, this is, yeah. No, no, no. Like seeds that you would plant.

You have to plant. Yeah. This is a package of tomato seeds. Here's a placenta. Plant it. Grow a scary baby tree that will grow into a mighty man tree. We'll ask Aaron propositioning for sex. Anyways, we learned a lot.

Yeah. But yeah, I didn't do anything. Because our neighborhood, I don't think there's any kids. I don't want to sit around. We don't have a TV. So there's no, you know what I mean? I would just be sitting upstairs in the dark. You can have the lights on.

You're not supposed to. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. Because then kids can see what I'm doing. Well, the day after Halloween, I had lunch with my parents. And I said, here's a bunch of candy for you, and for you. Well, and I grew up...

They live in the house that I grew up in, and it's like, there were always kids there when I was a kid, and I said, oh, we only had seven trick-or-treaters, and they said we had zero. Whoa. Huh. Maybe the neighborhood hasn't switched over. I think it's aged out, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, old people trick-or-treating. That would be great. My mom had like 152. What? Yeah, I grew up in like a complex. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a kid. That's a kid's safari?

Yeah, it's a kid's safari. Yeah, absolutely. It's all going to kid's safari, like the Beach Boys say. Kid's safari, everybody. They had many kids, though. Oh, wow. Carney Wilson. Name another.

Oh, Wilson from Home Improvement. Wilson from the Beach Volleyball. The Beach Volleyball. Well, he was. Yeah, technically. People just call him Wilson the Volleyball, but he was a beach volleyball. He was hung out on the beach almost 100% of the time. His entire life.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah. How about you, my friend? Not much. I realized I was like, I didn't, I watched, I think on the last episode I said I watched all of Orange is the New Black. Did you, like 10 episodes ago you were watching all of Mad About You. Did you ever catch up on that? Yeah, I watched all of Orange is the New Black. Did you, like, 10 episodes ago, you were watching all of Mad About You.

Did you ever catch up on that? Yeah, I watched all of it. Oh, the whole series? Yeah, the whole series. And then I just watched the whole first season of House of Cards. Okay. The Netflix-only series. Yeah, have you seen it?

No. Have you seen it? Nope. There's a, this is not a spoiler, but Kevin Spacey works out on a rowing machine a lot in it. And I was like, didn't he work out a lot in American Beauty? I feel like there was another movie where Kevin Spacey works out. That would be a good super cut.

Kevin Spacey working out. In two movies. Yeah. Well, I feel like there was another, there was another movie. Oh, The Usual Suspect. Yeah. Oh, in seven. Yeah.

He does, he bench presses good at falters head that is a spoiler yeah that is yeah this is a medicine ball in that one in a house of cards he's got a southern accent yeah and he talks to the camera yeah time out yeah yeah he's the zach morris of house of cards yeah he totally is always pulling a prank and the president's kind of like mr belling actually yeah you could make a pretty good because the yeah his wife is kind of like kelly kapowski because she's the most popular lady on the hill. Head cheerleader. Yeah, absolutely. I don't know.

It's one of these shows where it's like, which character am I supposed to like? I don't like any of them. But I did like watching Kevin Spacey work out. Nobody works out on film quite like Kevin Spacey. There, I said it. Determined. Yeah. Determined, but also, who are the best workers out on film? Van Damme.

Yeah, yeah. Rocky. Rocky, absolutely. Meat beater. Sylvester Stallone and then probably you know, like who

you know, I feel like Wesley Snipes probably had some pretty good workout work montages. I mean, he's sitting at a desk processing claims. I haven't seen Pumping Iron

but it seems to me like it's a whole movie about pumping iron starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, what if it wasn't? What if it's a whole movie about pumping iron starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. What if it wasn't? What if it's a metaphor? Yeah.

He's pumping gas. Just about him working at a gas station. He's huge. But they never addressed that. And then when the movie came out, they were like, we need a better title than... Pumping gas. Yeah. Gas.

Gas man. Well, he's pumping something. How about iron? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, gas man. Well, he's pumping something. How about iron? Yeah, okay, okay. Good enough. No one's ever seen this movie. Yeah, work on some cover art of him with his shirt off. He's like wearing a snowsuit.

It takes place in Nebraska. Anyways. It's a beautiful film. Yeah. It's the plight of this Nebrbraskan gas monkey gas fuel i heard something about how the what the term grease monkey where that comes from what does that come from i will like what does it refer to now like a mechanic yeah yeah and it used to be in the 50s i think like actual monkeys worked on cars that's what what I heard. It was apparently, well, you know where the term skid row comes from?

No. It's the area of town in logging towns, and it's either Vancouver, Seattle, or Portland where it originated. Right. Where the skids of, or they would, I don't know. I don't really know. No, but this is fascinating. But they would drag the, uh, uh, logs, uh, through town, like, uh, into the water.

Oh, okay. And it's the area where they would skid them. Yeah. And, uh, there would be people who would grease up the streets. Cool. And they were grease monkeys. What? Oh, grease up the streets for the logs.

Yeah. Ah. And for the, the pranks. But then did grubby guys hang out where the logs had just gone through? I think if you're a street greaser, I think you're a grubby dude. But then why would you say living in Skid Row? Was that a bad part of town that they moved the logs through? Probably.

I think as the logging industry died, that's just where people started doing heroin. You ever start a story and realize you don't have enough information? This is a beautiful house. Why is it so cheap? Oh, because giant logs go through your backyard every day. And you're contractually obligated to grease the streets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's part of the lease. Do you're contractually obligated to grease the streets. That's part of the lease. Do you have a grease lease?

You have to grease your front line instead of mowing it. Alright. Let's move on to overheard, shall we? Okay, but first, a brief message from Bethany. She's a TV phenomena. A best-selling author. A self-made business type. brief message from Bethany. She's a TV phenomena,

a best-selling author, a self-made business type, and this fall it's just Bethany and you. You know I'm the queen of too much information. This is about the things you talk about to your girlfriends when no one else is around. Sharing every last

detail. You know when you lay down naked and they're over here. Real talk, no limits. Bethany. Justin, what are you doing? I'm strapping a chicken to my arm. Heard there's some plague out west, so I just wanted to, you know, kind of get out ahead of it. Justin, if you'd ever listen to our medical history podcast, Sawbones,

where we talk about everything from trepanation to bloodletting, you would know that that is a ridiculous idea and it will never work. I haven't caught it. Sawbones? Yes, it's every Friday on the Maximum Fun Network and we record it together. You need a doctor or something? Yes. together. You need a doctor or something? Yes! Hey, I'm Jesse Thorne. Hey, I'm Jordan Morris.

We're actual friends. And actual professional broadcasters. We host Jordan, Jesse, Go! A show about, you know, friendship. Being a person. Yeah, we run the full spectrum from feelings to some of the most vulgar jokes you can imagine. And honestly, putting it that way

makes it seem like it's half and a half. At best, 25-75. It's definitely mostly vulgarity. But it's a pleasant, friendly vulgarity from two guys who went to a reasonably prestigious UC college. Why don't you try the show out now? Grab one with one of your favorite comedians like a Rob Corddry or Rob Delaney or whatever. Or somebody awesome that maybe you haven't heard of yet. Yeah, go to MaximumFun.org or your favorite podcasting app and download an episode of Jordan Jesse Go now.

Overheard. Guys, Overheard. A segment in which, in the general population, people talk too loud. They talk into their phones. Oh, shut up, Graham. No, no. Well, I just would like to point out that my dog, Grandpa. Oh, so great. As a part of this week's Hulk Hogan News. A Hulk Hogan News.

My beautiful wife, Abby, and very talented wife, made a costume for the dog, Grandpa. A Hulk Hogan costume. Did you see this costume? No, I did not. Oh, it's amazing. I wonder if I can pull it up on my phone in time for this segment. Not to go downhill. Not only was he in the yellow rip-off kind of shirt and the red trunks,

but he had a bandana and a mustache. Yeah, and he did not like wearing the mustache. The mustache, there's a... How'd you get it to stick on? It was a stick-on mustache. And it didn't last forever. Oh my god, that's amazing. It is pretty amazing. And here is him just taking the mustache off. Yeah. Couldn't stand it.

The greatest photo ever taken. Yeah. Where Hulk Hogan likes to rip off his shirt, this dog wants that mustache off immediately. It looks like the mustache, it's like you held it onto his face with honey, because he looks like he's really enjoying it. Like his whole tongue's up over the mustache. So great. Can you imagine how scared the world would be if Hulk Hogan licked off his mustache during a WWF? Or during just an interview.

I'm tired of this thing. He's on Bethany promoting his new, yeah, hulky bitch collaboration. Hulky bitch vodka? Yeah. It's just a mix. Hulky bitch, orange juice, and vitamins and prayers. Yeah. You can mix it with vodka if you like.

Yeah. That costume's amazing. Kudos to Abby and Grandpa. Amazing. And Grandpa and Dave for getting those. Those are some great snaps. Yeah. I did get some snaps.

Some real good wilderness. Nice shots. Overheards. Overheards. We always like to start with the guests. Oh, yeah? Yeah. How do you feel about that?

I feel good about it. All right. I brought two, but I don't know which one to do one is like both. I can do both Okay, they're both very quick. You want to do them in a row or like us go around and then you do I'll do them in a row. Okay, I don't Build it out. I got yeah. Yeah. The first one was after the show on Sunday We were walking back from the cosmic zoo or what? No one knows what this is We walked back from a restaurant to our

house. Yeah, Cosmic Zoo is where the Sunday service do a show. Every Sunday. There was a pop-up fireworks display that was just being taken down on Broadway. There's a bunch of dudes hanging outside a truck. They just finished loading it all up. We were walking

away. Sorry, a fireworks display? Or a store. A store. We were walking away and Sorry, a fireworks display? Or a store. Sorry, a store. And we were walking away and it was like four dudes and they're like, oh, fuck.

Where are we going to dump all this stuff? Man, it's so late. And then we were walking away a bit more because there was a little bit of time. Some dude's just like,

we're going to dump it in the dumper. Yeah, the dumper. I didn't know if they knew if there was a place. One guy just came up with the idea of a dumper. Yeah, just said the name. Idiot. Yeah.

Oh, we'll dump it in the dumper. All right! You're finally pulling your weight around here. Wouldn't you just light it all? Yeah. Was it fireworks? Do you think they were getting rid of extra fireworks? Yeah, well, I think they were taking it back to the warehouse.

Or the dumper. The dumper. The dumper. They're going to blow up the dumper. And then the other one was I was on a really busy SkyTrain, super crammed, and there was a guy with his headphones on. He was like a typical bad boy, like a total rap boy. Yeah.

And he was listening to his music and he was just grooving to it. He was a rap god. Yeah, he was a rap guy. And he was kind of... Me sexy. Yeah, he was very sexy. He was kind of rapping choice words. He'd be like, fuck this shit. He was very sexy. He was kind of rapping choice words.

He'd be like, fuck this. Shit. And really loudly. And everyone's like, kind of uncomfortable. And then he finished rapping. He's like, man, there's not enough space on this Skytrain. And then he kind of waved a guy's hand out of the way and walked to a place where there was more space. So I was like, this is weird.

You made the choice to be tough, but you're also claustrophobic and rap like like wanting to express yourself or someone else he was complaining so hard oh man yeah that is the saddest part of being on uh public transit is you uh like if you're listening to something you like, you can't fully enjoy it. You can't, if you're listening to something funny, you can't laugh. You can't sing along. I don't mind if I see somebody kind of nodding their head and kind of, like, I enjoy that. Yeah, but they're holding it back. Yeah, that's true.

You're right. They're being reserved about it. They want to be like, the dog days are over. That's what they want to be like oh when i was on the i was on the train on because it felt like uh because halloween fell on a thursday that last weekend was halloween but also this weekend was halloween and so it just kept going like it was just perpetual drinking and fucking fireworks the worst and uh yeah i just got off the train the other day. And it wasn't late.

That was the crazy thing about it. It was maybe 1130 at night. And two guys just wailing on each other. Like fucking? They were fucking whale style. But it was crazy. I was like, this isn't late enough for this kind of behavior. But as I was getting off the train, these two guys were like, we're fighting.

And I was like, why didn't you guys get off? On the train. That's the worst. Not for me. You get to get off. It worked out real well. Dave, you got an overword? Mine is, I work at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation,

and in the last few weeks, or maybe months, no one introduced them to us, but an investigative reporting team moved in down the hall, and one guy... They're all wearing camera something, funny hats, lapels. Oh, sorry, dart. Dart. One guy talks way too loud.

He talks way louder than everyone else he works with. It's like a team of four people. But this guy's so loud. And they were going to go do this thing. And he's super condescending when he talks to other people. And they were going to go do this thing and he's super condescending when he talks to other people and they're gonna go do this investigative report and he was like and one of the other reporters was like how how are we gonna do it and he said uh uh a producer with with a hidden camera in their glasses and a reporter with a hidden camera in her purse. I don't know how to make it any more simple.

Then we get the producer to tell the reporter, you're a fat asshole. They're doing an investigative report on this reality show on MTV. Put a tiny camera on your zipper. We know. Have you ever seen one of those that you thought was intriguing? Or was it always stuff like, yeah, I know that that's exactly what happens. Or it was like, I feel bad that you guys hid a camera.

Yeah, yeah. To some guy trying to do his job. Yeah, this poor guy. Yeah. This poor immigrant came to our country. Yeah, he's like, I know i i don't own the company yeah he's just nailing some some part-time temp uh yeah the uh oh that's crazy i wonder what they're investigating i i know what they're investigating i don't want to talk about it

all right crack the case wide open i mean it's here on the podcast it's some tax thing like if you buy something in america and bring it to canada you can save tax on it so yeah that's what it was not you know not the most dangerous but uh you know i don't know what could be less dangerous is that lady scanning the coupon thing? Does she actually have to have the coupon? Is she just scanning a stack of coupons? What's inside a pillow? What they're investigating? Finally finding out.

That would be a great investigative report show. What would you find? It's just all kids' treasured teddy bears that they're gutting and putting into holes. We put a tracker inside of this girl's favorite teddy bear. This is a kids investigative reporting

team. I put a coin in the dryer and it got so hot. Kid investigative reports. I put a penny on the railroad track. And it derailed the train. So don't tell anybody.

We've got to burn this footage. Tonight we discover. If he who smells it, sells it. My Overheard comes courtesy of two ladies. I feel like I've seen this a lot this year more than any uh but it's a it's a classic kind of like 19 year old person thing to do uh buy a giant thing of juice and then dump out half of that and fill the rest of it up with vodka and then just drink whatever this is cranberry juice and vodka or whatever you don't care it's called mixer yeah

yeah yeah you just bought a fruit punch i need to buy some mix mix and all i get drunk on mix last night i forgot to even get alcohol i just kept drinking i was pre-pre-gaming and so these two girls uh were talking to a boy this is on on Granville Street. And the one girl, first of all, they were all done up, but not like they were going to a Halloween thing, but too much makeup to just be a regular person. So they were like somewhere. Yeah.

Yeah. It was the weekend. Was it Halloween times? Or like when you- Post. Okay. Post Halloween. So it's a confusing time to dress up

yeah but she wasn't i'm just up for dia de los muertos and the girl who was talking the loudest also had a she was wearing uh like wedge high heels that had a piece of lettuce stuck to it and i couldn't i couldn't stop looking at and then she was complaining to her friend and to this boy she was like uh she's saying out loud how come i can't just find a boy to just come over and just cuddle and just watch tv and then her friend goes you don't have a tv and they just kept going like the conversation just standing in your way yeah exactly you don't only have half of that plan you have i feel like for a 19 year old having a tv isn't really a priority like it was for my generation you had to watch everything on a computer yeah your laptop yeah but are you is that a thing thing that you guys both have lady friends?

Do you sit there and watch a laptop together? Well, I have a TV. You have a TV. I'm from the TV generation. What about you? You've got a TV. I do have a TV. Yeah.

All right, you guys. Asked and answered. But when I was a 19-year-old, we would watch a 13-inch TV. It's not about the size of the TV. No. Yeah. We would watch Blind Date on the smallest TV available. Blind Date.

That was the greatest of dating shows. That and- It had class. Not really. It was one of the few that had class. No, it had class, Graham. Yeah. It had Roger Lodge and class.

That's one of the two things we have going for us. But not Elimidate. And Joe the Professor. Elim things we have going for us. But not Elimidate. And Joe the Professor. Elimidate was really not classy. Elimidate. That was the theme song. It had zero class. Was Elimidate the one that there was people on a bus?

Yes. You waited on a bus and then you got eliminated. But didn't you, you had to watch the date that the other person was going on? Is that how it worked? What was the one where they drowned you? They drowned you in a hot tub It was the one that was racist That was discriminate

Have you ever seen the really Not good It's like not good one where it's like A sassy comedian I thought you were going to say an assassin Tries to kill your date and you have to protect them. Eliminate. The final elimination.

Yeah. The final elimination. What show are you talking about? It's like a sassy comedian type lady and she was like the big brother of the house. Oh, Eliza Schlesinger? Yeah, and it was called Next. It's still on. Screw.

Go screw. It was something like that. Get out. I think it's still on. Yeah. They make like 30 of them a day. That's true. It's probably still on just because they ran out of episodes. I'm looking at what it's called.

Because somebody would come to the door and then the girls would go, no way. Look at his weird, you know, he's got a weird eye patch. Get out of here. And then the one girl would be like, I kind of like the eye patch. And then they're like, which way are you going to go? And if you got voted out she'd be like sorry dad you're too fat and your dick

is too small somehow that dad ended up on the show yeah he made it through to the final round why do people fixate on these

two things excused excuse you've been excused yeah why do people think... Because you can't take it off your clothes. Show it to everybody.

I have other things that are such fat and small in the genital area. I'm also an asshole. Because he's always doing his... Kegels. His kegels live. They're called kegels live. Kegels live. They're called Kegels live. Kegels live. All right.

We also have overheards that have been sent to us from people around the world. If you want to be one of them type of people, you can send it into spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one

comes from Alec R. Oh. In Pennsylvania. Did you ever play in Alec R. Oh. In Pennsylvania. Did you ever play in Pennsylvania? Sure. No. All right. You played Philadelphia, you played Pittsburgh, Harrisburg.

Yeah. The Dutch country. Hershey, you went up the Hershey Highway. We did the Hershey Factory. Yeah. The corporate show, one corporate show. This is in a tire shop. Okay.

This is last year in a tire shop. This is a guy talking about his tires, I guess. So, I have to live on the cheap this month. Bought a gun instead of new winter tires. Guy's friend. Wait, you bought a gun instead of getting winter tires? Guy, very loud. Hey, mind your own

fucking business i mean it is like i'm surprised more economists aren't like just buy a gun and take everything yeah just become a robber yeah if you if you have just enough to buy a gun you've got the keys to the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guess what? You're a millionaire. Yeah, your financial troubles are over. This is pretty great. This is pretty great because it comes from somebody who works at the location. This is Mitchell R.

It says, greetings, Dave Graham and charming guest. Oh, before you even know me, buddy. I am afraid to admit that I work at a fast food pizza chain to remain nameless. Tombstones. They're so popular. People want that frozen pizza faster. Yeah. That's right.

They don't have enough time to get it from the store to their oven. They just want it now Well, there's, what is it, Papa Murphy's take and bake? Yeah It's frozen And then you bake it at home No, I don't think it's frozen, I think they make it fresh But it's not, yeah, you have to take it

I don't, I've never understood What's the one where you buy a frozen pizza that they make? Delizio? No, no, no, there's coffee, there's Poppy Murphy's, Poppy There's Papa Murphy's And there Poppy. There's Papa Murphys. And there's Papa John's. Papa John's. Which one's the frozen one?

Papa Smurf. One of them's frozen. Papa John's, I think, is a take and bake. I don't think any of them are frozen. Take it and bake it. Yeah. Is this what we're saying? Yeah, but it's not frozen.

No, Papa Murphy's take and bake. Yeah. Papa John's. Papa John's. Godfather's. Do it. Yeah, Papa Murphy's is the one you're thinking of. Take and bake.

But I don't think it's Frozo. It's Frozo. Why wouldn't you just go to the grocery store? Why didn't you go to the Grozo for your Frozo? Because he had a custom-made frozen pizza. We'll make it to your specifications. We'll freeze it. You gotta call 36 hours later.

It's not frozen. It'll freeze it. You got a call. Oh, right. 36 hours later. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's not frozen. It's just raw. Did you mean the thing we've been trying to tell you? Oh, jeez. Sorry, everybody. And you're like, no, it's Frozo. I thought they froze it.

Why don't they just call it raw pizza? Oh, I'd eat a raw pizza. Oh, why not? Yeah. I'd probably get some weird disease. Yeah, worms. So this is a food pizza chain to remain nameless here in Oklahoma. Oh, probably Okies.

Probably Timothy McVeigh's memorial pizza this particular pizza place has a daily all-you-can-eat buffet of pizza pasta and salad so it's pizza right sure yeah i don't know um it's for 4.99 so i get all sorts of strange characters and by strange i mean overweight which is not that strange yeah strange characters like barbapapa a lady asked me this today do you guys offer a discount to people who've had gastric bypass surgery oh no no you no but i'll talk to my manager yeah we went undercover at the Pizza Hut to find out about this discount. We put a camera on our lap band. Wow. I mean, they should. Although I guess not if there's a chance they might poop themselves.

That's kind of crazy, though. It's all you can eat? Yeah. It's a buffet? Then I feel like they should get a discount. All you can eat. Oh, because you can eat very much. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Good call. But that's. I mean. That's just the nature of the all you can eat business. Yeah. I think if you. It's on you, man.

If you can't eat very much, you now have the luxury of going somewhere else. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You no longer have to eat your three meals of the day all in one yeah can we get a discount from our eight dollar all you can eat 4.99 oh 4.99 they were asking for a discount woohoo um now speaking of pizza this last one comes from peter t from Peter T. Peter Zah. Peter Zah. Pete Zah. Speaking of Pete Zah,

my girlfriend's mom meant to say her tiny, aggressive dog had a little man's complex or a Napoleon complex, but she got a little mixed up and said that he has a little Caesar's complex.

Yeah, hot and ready. Yeah. My dog is always hot and ready. He always says pizza pizza. It's $5. Pizza themed overheards. Little Caesars is the one where you can just drop in and the pizza is already made.

Is that the one where you bring your own pizza you made from home and they freeze it for you and then you bring it back home and re-bake it? Freeza freeza. Freeza pizza. Freezer, freezer. Freezer pizza. Freezer, freezer. We are freezer pizza.

You bring in your pizza that you made. We freeze it. Sell it back to you. It's as custom made as it can get. You made it. Yeah, you put all the ingredients you like. Can you freeze just from water?

Oh, no. We only do pizza. We're not weirdos. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests.

This is Josh from Edmonton calling with a overheard slash, I guess, drunk dial because I'm drunk right now. I was recently in Montreal and I was walking down St. Catherine Street, and this gentleman walked out, came like prancing out, I guess, of a McDonald's, and he just screamed, Who wants to have sex? Who wants to have sex? Who wants to have sex? And this gaggle of middle-aged women, probably in their 50s, were walking by. And I heard one of the mother, under her breath, Ooh, I would love some sex. You were

just saying earlier today how you'd love some sex. Yeah, there's your guy. If she didn't take the opportunity then she's an absolute fool. Yeah, this guy was offering exactly what she wanted. I like a fun, like middle-aged lady. I think

she's just a fun middle-aged lady. I think she's just a fun middle-aged lady. I don't think she really wants sex. She's just having fun. She's the prankster. Original prankster. There's a group of senior citizen ladies that all wear red hats. Oh, the red hat crew. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I know, yeah. And they go to events together. And I did a show where half of the audience was them. They go to like events together and I did a show where like half of the audience was them. And they, if you made any kind of sexual innuendo to any of them, they just ate it. They thought it was the funniest thing. Like you'd say, what's your name? She'd be like, Ruth.

They'd be like, hey, Ruth, what are you doing later? Ah, just throwing their hats in the air. Throwing their hats in the air. Yeah. Like a graduation. Yeah. Yeah. We're all going to get laid by this guy. Was it the end of Caddy Show? Yeah. Like a graduation. Yeah. Yeah. We're all going to get laid by this guy. Was it the end of Caddyshack?

Yeah. Yeah, no. Middle-aged ladies got nothing to lose. They're the greatest. Yeah. Do whatever you want. There are, I think they're our future. A lot of people talk up kids a lot.

Fuck kids. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, middle-aged ladies would if they could. Oi, I didn't mean kids. Yeah. You know, I mean like that movie, a lot. Fuck kids. Yeah. Well, I mean, middle-aged ladies would if they could. Oi, I didn't mean kids. Yeah. You know, I mean like that movie, Kids. Yeah, Chloe Seven Years, Rosario Dawson.

Sexy kids is what I meant. I mean, people in their 30s now. Sexy troubled kids. You guys get what I'm saying, right? Sexy troubled kids. They should have called that movie Sexy Troubled Kids. Here's your next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and wonderful guests.

This is Derek in Nashville calling with another overheard. This one's an overseen, actually. Just driving, I saw a typical biker guy, like a white guy in his 40s, normal-looking biker dude. And he was holding his middle finger up. biker dude and he was holding his middle finger up and the car behind him that he was sticking the bird up to was a school bus full of children mommy you'll never guess what happened if i was a kid i would have been so excited oh like just even seeing a guy on a motorcycle major day when you're a kid, you're like, what?

That's an option to be that kind of adult? Even as a kid, I was like, no, that's obnoxious. Yeah, but like seeing an adult give the finger is pretty great. Still, I still think it's funny when I see it. And now as an adult, I think it's funny when a kid gives the finger. I always thought it was funny. When a kid swears. Amazing.

When you give the finger, do you do it like this with the fist? Or do you do it with a little bit of finger? Oh, like the 8 Mile style. The 8 Mile style? From Molly Ringwald. That's what I think of. Yeah. Breakfast Club.

Like fingers up to the mid. You said Molly Ringwald, but in my mind I was thinking Ferris Bueller's sister. Oh yeah, absolutely. It hurts a bit. It does. It takes a little bit of getting used to. Yeah, no, it's this. We're all just like fist with the finger.

No, we are not all. Oh, is that you? Is that how you do it? I think it's a little funkier. Yeah, it is a little classier. Yeah, it's a little more ladylike. That feels like something that's like if the backwards V wasn't the thing in Europe, that feels like it's a European thing.

Oh, right, yeah, sure. This is how Mary Antoinette. I just came back from a semester in France, and this is how they give each other. Oh, yeah, the worst is when someone comes back from England, and they have a bit of a British accent, and then they also have British hand gestures. Isn't it the trick where somebody's like, hey, peace, man. And then they flip it.

You can't do that with the finger. Just one. One sub, please. Fuck you. No subs. You flip your middle finger backwards. It's still won. And you have to eat that sub.

That's true. You did order it. Here's another over her. Hello, Dave and Graham. This is Jenny from Los Angeles. I was thinking about you immediately tonight. I went out to dinner at a restaurant called Cafe Stella. And Robert Pattinson was getting his car as I was arriving,

and I was thinking of Graham and him giving away the Edward doll and all of his fun things with that. But this is an overheard and also a drunk dial because I had some wine at that restaurant. But the overheard is that, it being Los Angeles, I was sitting in this lovely booth having some lovely wine and eavesdropping on the beautiful people behind me. And it was two women and they were talking about relationships. And the one woman said to the other, oh my God, isn't it so weird that time that I went to that sweat lodge with your ex-boyfriend?

Wait, I told you about that, right? Explain it. that sweat lodge with your ex-boyfriend? Wait, I told you about that, right? Splaining, yeah, splaining. Splaining is exactly what you've got to do. Sweat lodge is very specific. You have to go out of city limits for a sweat lodge. You can't accidentally bump into somebody at a sweat lodge. I was thinking, like, can you make any lodge a sweat lodge just by sweating in it but i guess but there are no lodges within city limits yeah like ski lodges uh could be a sweat lodge if

you're wearing too much equipment um ski bunnying are those the only kind of elk lodges yeah rotary club lodge um hodgepodge lodgeodge I don't know is that all? Roger Lodge yeah yeah I think those are all the Lodge now that does bring us oh yeah the Edward doll

Graham was giving away Graham just got an iPhone and was taking tons of pictures with it Edward doll from Twilight. Yeah, and then I also bought a Frankenstein doll and I made them kiss and hang out. Now, before

we wrap up the show, how about another phone call? Oh, sure. You guys never do drunk styles anymore. It's disappointing. I think you should do drunk dials again. All right? All right. Okay, so let's do drunk dials.

Now, was that guy speaking into a phone that was connected to a speaker, and it was just feeding back? Yeah. He was in a donkey phone. We have a couple of drunk dials uh do you have time oh yeah of course look it's a couple minutes it's good all right i got all the time don't rush okay let's do it all right ahem so uh we'll play the theme song when i was a, didn't know what a phone was. I'm just kidding. Never tasted liquor either. But one day, when I grew up, we're two and two together. Drunk Dials!

Telling my girlfriend to start her period. Drunk Dials! Telling my friend he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Dials! Calling Future Shop and asking for Best Buy. Drunk Dials! Drunk Dials! If you don't know the theme song, well, why don't you just listen to this drunk dial? When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was. Never drank any liquor either.

But when I grew up, I put two and two together. Drunk dial. Call me a friend, tell me I put two and two together. Drunk Dolls. Call your friend, tell him he looks like a wolf man. Drunk Dolls. Tell your girlfriend to get off her period. Drunk Dolls. Call the future shop and ask him for best buy. Drunk Dolls.

Drunk Dolls. Hello? Dave and Grant. Hello? And possible grossed. Drunk dials. Hello? Dave and Grant. Hello? And possible grossed. Woo! Grossed. Yes.

This is a drunk dial. Whoa, wow. So I'm calling you. This guy's a machine. From Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Quebec. Good one. North America.

The country that YouTube reside in. Mm-hmm. Okay? Okay. My friend would like to have the foam, aka the foam, aka the phone. So here he is.

The foam. These guys are great. Yeah, only two more minutes left in this phone call. No, I lost it. Don't remember what you thought. We don't have to finish this call. Anyway.

Wait, give me a couple more seconds. Dave, you look great. Oh, thanks. You look fantastic. Oh, good. Damn it. You look not as good as the host. Oh.

I'm out of here. Dave, you look better than you look in your old Stop Podcasting Yourself picture that was on my iPod. I'm just getting here. Dave, you look better than you look in your old stop-podcasting-yourself picture that was on my iPod. I'm just getting a little personal. All right, I'm cutting that one off. That became a little bit, you know, like ex-lovery. And Dave, you know what? You look great.

I wish we were back together. I'm doing fine without you guys, by the way. I'm pregnant, and it's yours. Yeah, I work at Fritz's Pizza now. I'm shift manager at Fritz's Pizza. We freeze whatever pizza you got. I've been freezing other stuff under the table, though. Sandwiches.

If you bring in a Delizio pizza that's already frozen, we'll freeze it further. We'll double freeze it. We froze a body for the mob last week. Okay, there's one more phone call. All right. Hello, this is Harry. I'm doing a drunk question. Or ask a question and I'm drunk.

What are you guys' favorite alcoholic drinks? Have a good night. I appreciate you and what you do. It's like he was thinking back on how much fun that thing was ten seconds ago. That is the sound of the nicest man in the world Too drunk

My favorite alcoholic drink? I don't know Beer? Yeah, beer I like a whiskey, but beer is my go-to I had a couple of bourbons this summer And I made this rhubarb cordial this summer It was fun Look, sometimes I'll have a lager drink

sometimes i'll have a cider drink i'll have a whiskey drink and then uh sing a song about the good time yeah well if i get drunk enough and then i'll drunk dial somebody and just ask them what's your favorite drink and it cycles back on itself uh well that's that you're right he's like the nicest guy that that's what he does when he gets drunk Call these guys What do you guys like to drink? Your favorite drink? My favorite drink?

I mean yeah I like to drink beer If I want to get into trouble I'll make a special drink Skinny bitch Talking about a whiskey and a purple Gatorade What do you call it? It's so gross. A drink that I'll never drink again that I drank once.

Purple Gatorade. Did you have a name for it? Good, yeah. I think it was like... I mean, you're fighting the hangover with the Gatorade. Yeah, exactly. Oh, so you can just... In a way, you can just like perpetually party forever.

Exactly. Yeah, until you die. You're a perpetual party machine. Okay, Andrew W.K. Oh, man. perpetually party forever exactly yeah until you die party machine okay andrew wk oh man that guy's gotten more uh out of one headshot than oh andrew wk yeah the blood one right that's like oh man we we should all be so lucky to have one photo that just like nails a whole generation. That'd be amazing. Yeah, he did it. He's our J.D. Salinger. He might have been the last to do it. Yeah.

Hasn't been done since. Well, I don't know. You know, what about that picture of Miley Cyrus? Yeah. Oh, I'm sure he hasn't been the last. Nothing's coming to mind, but there are... Yeah, you're right. Absolutely, like, totally, totally radical dudes.

The Ninja Turtles? Yeah, Ninja Turtles, not with Stan Lee. So if you would like to ever drunk dial us, but right now you're listening to us sober, probably. Well, maybe. And you have a phone. You type in these numbers, 206-339-8328. Program it into your phone so you don't have to remember it when you're drunk. And then occasionally when we're feeling frisky, we will play your drunk.

Yeah, absolutely. When we don't have headaches and have to get up early the next day. Exactly. Now, Aaron, not only are you a member of the Sunday service, which performs every Sunday at the Cosmic Zoo. Cosmic Zoo. You're also an accomplished musician. You're a very talented musician. Where can people find your music?

Or is it not online? No, it's online. I have one tape online that I made a long time ago. You need to have an online tape player? Yeah. Where can people get it? The online tape player? Yeah.

Take a bunch of acid and open a bunch of acid then open a bunch of tvs what are you saying uh it's on bandcamp I guess yep okay

uh Aaron Reed and uh but I don't think it's good don't download it so

but people can follow you on twitter oh yeah on twitter yeah I'm trying to see I'm trying to be the first person to be arrested It's good. Don't download it. But people can follow you on Twitter. You're hilarious on Twitter. Yeah, I'm trying to see... I'm trying to be the first person to be arrested from their Twitter account. The first person...

I think that's what your private investigator is like. On Twitter. So fucking weird and crude. Oh, like you're going to get arrested for obscenity charges? Yeah. That's great. That is a pretty great goal. And your Twitter account is? At Teen Farts. I think I was close to getting in trouble

or never. I don't think ever. I don't think anyone cares. But I tweeted at Kevin O'Leary You were having a back and forth with Kevin O'Leary, weren't you? No, he never tweeted me back, but I asked him if all the dragons on the dragon's den also have dragon dicks, and if they come fire,

and immediately regretted it, but then didn't want to take it back. But then also, didn't you try to sell a giant toothbrush for whales? For whales, and I asked him... Whales don't have teeth! Well, one of them does, the baleen. The baleen.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But I asked him for a hundred dollars And I called him a brave dragon So I'm waiting to hear back Kevin O'Leary if you're out there For our American listeners It's Shark Tank Shark Tank

Shark Tank Kevin O'Leary Okay so At Teen Farts Thanks for being our guest Yeah no problem Sorry if it was crude and weird Yeah no

We're gonna get arrested For this, we're going to get arrested for this podcast. For this belated swat with tons of rubber bullets just waiting for me to... Oh, I hope I get shot with a beanbag then. That's their first line of defense.

It's just an open fire. But they bounce everywhere. Someone's going to... All right. Well, if you like the show, head over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap. Oh, yeah. Well, pictures and videos, Bethany Frankel. Oh, sure.

Whatever else we talked about on the show. I did so many things. If I can find a picture of that cat cafe. Yeah, certainly. You can. It's a real thing. And maybe... Did you ever go to the oh where is

it in asia the the we invented a uh a cafe or like a restaurant oh that the bathroom restaurant yeah where it's like you sit was it you sit on toilets we came up with this we came up with it but then somebody actually it actually exists yeah tai What? In, like, Taiwan. Yeah, that you, like, sit and you, like, it's all bathroom themed. It's crazy. You press that. Bring you a plate of poo. Yeah. He wears a hand dry and spaghetti comes out.

Oh, yours is better. Mine is gross. Someone turned a chef's acid trip into a restaurant. Yeah, you opened up a bunch of TVs, as was your recommendation. You drink nothing but ragu for a week before you take the acid. Okay.

Can I actually plug something for real? Yeah. Because the Sunday Service doesn't exist. It hasn't been a show for years. Let's be real. We bought a restaurant and performed in an empty restaurant. No, but there's the Pat Thornton fundraiser for the 24-hour show. That's right.

Which you are a part of as well. That's on the 22nd? I don't know. Where's that? In Vancouver? Yeah, in Vancouver. Pat Thornton's coming to Vancouver? Yeah, he is. No, he's not. Yeah, he is. No, that? In Vancouver? Yeah, in Vancouver. Pat Thornton's coming to Vancouver?

Yeah, he is. No, he's not. Yeah, he is. No, that's not it. Yeah, he is. No, he isn't, is he? Yeah, he is. Oh, is that really what it is?

Yeah. He's like doing tours along these spots. Oh, I didn't realize he was going to be at all these shows. Yeah, he's going to be at the shows. I don't know. Because he's doing them. We're going to keep recording but you can stop listening And then the Sunday service 8th year anniversary show

is on the 24th of the Sunday of November When did we do the anniversary show with them? Was it the 5th year? I think it was the 8th No, no, no This is the 8th or the 9th I think you guys did the 6th

I think it was like two years ago. You guys did it. Yeah, it was two years ago. Yeah. With the mayor. That was really fun. How are you going to top that? Eh, probably.

We're going to have some really good guests. Who? Like Pat Thornton. You better. I hope he's coming to town. From This Is That. Oh, Pat Kelly. Pat Kelly.

And we're still cooking the books. from This Is That. Pat Kelly. Pat Kelly. We're still cooking the books on that one. It's going to be lots of fun. I have to do real things or Taz will be mad at me. Well, you did a great job. There's no way Taz will be mad at you after those books.

Fly. My notebook is in the other room. I don't know. You can go get it. No, no, no, no,

no, no. The episode will probably be over by the time you get back. If you like the show, tell your friends. Yeah. And come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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