Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 308 - Josh Stubbs

Episode Date: February 11, 2014

Josh Stubbs returns to talk Jay Leno, car troubles, and Graham joins Tinder and wonders whether he's a bear.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode number 308 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who's, uh, he's chilly! Because it's cold, it's cold, man.

Mr. Dave Shumka. It's cold in here. There must be some Toros in the atmosphere. Or clovers, depending on, uh, which side of Rancho Carne you live in. This is a, uh... Wow! That would... Bring it on, I'm talking about the movie Bring It On. Yeah, really good recall. depending on which side of Rancho Carne you live in. This is a... Wow. That would... Bring it on. I'm talking about the movie Bring It On.

Yeah, really good recall. The Rancho Carne... Carne... Rapists. No. Toros. And the East Compton Clovers, starring Gabrielle Union,

who is still playing a teenager. Yeah. We should all be so lucky. You've seen Bring It On, who is still playing a teenager. Yeah. We should all be so lucky. You've seen Bring It On, right? I've seen Bring It On. I don't recall the name of the... Is Rancho Carne a real city? I don't know.

Is it just translated as Meat Ranch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seems a little weird. It's Carnal Ranch. And that is our guest today, a returning guest, very funny young man, I like to say. Still playing a teenager. Yep. Hey, brosifs.

Mr. Josh Stubbs is our guest. Thanks for doing this. Well, thank you. Thanks for calling. Yeah, yeah. I was the Tony Randall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the last minute.

We had a guest scheduled, had an illness befall her. Death becomes her. Wow. Her head was on backwards. She had a giant hole in her stomach. Robert Zemeckis was involved. So thank you for stepping in. And you've done that on several occasions.

Yeah, I love it. It's my favorite way to do it. And do people still get up to you on the street? Because occasions yeah it's i love it it's my favorite way to do it and do people do people still get because i have nothing to promote so it's nice but do people still know the tony randall reference that he was the uh the fallback guest yeah whenever anyone canceled on um david letterman david letterman and what was the fictional one on larry Larry Sanders who was there? Oh. Bruno Kirby.

Wasn't it George Segal? Wasn't he? Oh, yeah. Maybe it was George Segal or Bruno Kirby were the default guests. I mean, Conan's was always Al Roker. Yeah. That's right. Because he was, like, down the hall from him. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. Same building. And then, like, but Jay Leno never had anybody, I don't think, that was fond enough of him to like... It was just Kevin Eubank. Kevin Eubank went through the curtain and then just walked back out and was the guest. But like, was Dr. Joyce Brothers someone who, was she just like, she would do anything? She would be anyone's panelist?

Yeah, I think so. But she wasn't like anyone's favorite. No. No. The first month of Conan too, like like, people would just cancel, like, last second, and Louis C.K. would always be the guest, because he was just one of the writers, and nobody knew who he was. So he was, like, the first month I was, like, obsessed with Conan, because it was such a

weird show. Yeah. And then I was like, who's this redheaded guy that keeps showing up, like, four times a week, and they'll be like, Bob Denver, No, sorry. Louis C.K. will be on. Bob Denver canceled Gilligan canceled? Oh, man. We got to get a better booker. Yeah.

We got to get a bigger booker. Good news and bad news, guys. Bad news. Our only guest was Bob Denver. And there's no good news. Which writer wants to be the guest tonight? Am I right in saying that the first guest that Conan had on was Don Adams? No.

No? No, you're not right. I think it was John Goodman. Oh, really? I feel like the first musical guest was Radiohead. Really? I think that was right. And I believe Drew Barrymore was also on the episode.

Really? I think that was right. And I believe Drew Barrymore was also on the episode. Really? On the first episode? Because I recall she was like, I have tattoos of flowers on the bottom of my back. And then he was like, woo, yeah! He made all these crazy cartoon noises. And then he went, oh, I'm sorry, it's on the cue cards. And then the cue cards have crazy noises written on it. I guess I'm just talking about TV. I should change the subject to something better. We haven't started Get to Know Us yet.

That's true. Get to Know Us yet. That's true. Get to Know Us. There you go. Now we're getting to know us. What I was going to say, though, was as a last-minute guest, I was like, the overheard, I had to think, I'm like, what have I said on the show before?

Right. Because every week something happens where I go, this would be an awesome overheard, and then when you guys call me, I just forget everything that ever happened that I've ever heard in my life. And then I find something, but I was like, I think I said on the show, so I had to listen back to the old episodes that I was on to make sure I can repeat it and sound crazy. Wow. And then I realized one of the episodes. We would not have noticed. Well, someone would have.

Yeah, that's true. Someone would have emailed. Yeah, and then what? Yeah, I wouldn't know. It's not like I get emails, right? That's true. Someone would have emailed. Yeah, and then what? Yeah, I wouldn't know. It's not like I get emails, right? That's true. But I listened to one, and there was an episode. I made a couple Canadian references.

Right, and I got furious. It seemed to start to bother Dave. And then for some reason, I thought that was funny. And then I went like extra Canadian. So tonight, I'm going to be neutral. South American. I'm not going to be as Canadian. So I'm going to keep it all in if you feel anything. Oh, I've grown a lot since you were here.

Dave and I went to podcast therapy. I think after you get to 300 episodes, you don't really worry about alienating a new audience. You know that there will be no new audience. No new audience. The old audience is in for the long haul. Did the Metallica sweater guy come in and talk you through your... Where do we... Oh, the guy that

wears the very expensive Cosby sweaters. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Phil Towel. Was that really his name? Yeah, I only remember that because there was an episode of The

Best Show on WFMU where someone called, I think it was John Worster called in as, I believe, Todd Palin, Sarah Palin, and said that he had started a band. Or Phil Towle had brainwashed a bunch of people into starting a band called Phil Towlica. Anyway. Now, that guy, that was was his specialty or he was just a therapist he was a like he was like a um sports teams hired him to be a motivator he was like a sports psychologist but he wasn't uh but now that would that would be the way he would brand himself like i'm the metallica guy yeah i'm the guy who had an awkward breakup with metallica i re-watched that movie a couple months ago and they they said like we gotta get rid of you we're uh

we're yeah they dumped him yeah it was supposed they were like this was supposed to be a temporary thing yeah phil towels got his own uh locker but isn't showering with the band but isn't that isn't that what everyone does with a therapist eventually? Like, eventually you're like, eh, I got it. And then you kind of white knuckle it for a few years

and then you go back to a therapist. Yeah, exactly. I got this figured out. And then, yeah, you walk out. What else are you going to do for me?

And he's screaming in the car at some guy as he drives away. So, since we last saw you what's new what's so it's been happening you've been gone I can breathe for the yeah I'm trying to think exciting going on yeah not enough of much I'm gearing down for Jay Leno to leave oh yeah I'm watching a lot of the the the recaps of it and Jay Leno to leave. Oh, yeah. I've been watching a lot of the recaps of it. Of Jay Leno's career?

Yeah, well, because every night they'll be like, oh, and they'll show all the things and stuff he's done. Anything fun? Was he ever fun? Nothing. That's the amazing part. Out of all of it, it would just be like, he'll just introduce guests and then nothing funny.

So the montage will just be him bringing people out and then nothing. They'll be like, no, here's people that came down and this guy could introduce them like the best of them yeah yeah well what um did you ever watch jay leno yeah i did the first because when he came on like when he replaced johnny carson well it would have been like 1992? Something like that, yeah. I remember that my friend said that he had seen Jay Leno on The Tonight Show and said he was the funniest guy. And so we stayed up to watch his debut episode, and my jaw just hit the floor. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? This guy's like the antidote.

He's the opposite. But he was funny because he used to host on Tuesdays. Yeah. As a regular guest host. Well, that's what my friend was talking about. And Carson was so horrible. People talk about Carson like he was the greatest. And at the end, he was so fucking bad.

How old was he by the end? Like a million. I don't know. He was so old. It was just horrible. So Jay seemed like the greatest. You're like, oh, it's a breath of fresh air. It's true.

And he was an old guy that was introducing stuff that was like motley crew. Completely. He just made it sound so old man-ish. Yeah. And the way like an old man will just not have any focus to what he's talking. Like people, come on. I remember there was one, some guy was talking about being on Cheers. can't remember who it was one guy from cheers he goes that's uh reminds me of uh edgar allen poe story and started telling like edgar allen and i was like what the

fuck what is it edgar allen poe story oh just a short story by edgar yeah yeah and then started describing it and then uh there was his heart seems there was his heart under a floorboard. It's funny that you should say about the Raven. We didn't. It's like, nevermore, sir. So Leno was never good, but he's been on for... Well, apparently he was the best. Yeah, well apparently uh he was the best yeah at some point he was the best the second they gave him the greatest job he being horrible at some point he was the best

and people say that carson was the absolute best i've never like they erased a lot of his early shows because uh to save tape yeah they would just would just tape new... It's true. They would tape new shows. Realizing there's probably some duds in there that got erased as well that firmed up his legacy. But, you know,

whenever they show Carson's greatest hits on one of those infomercials, the lady throws the axe into the silhouette and it hits the crotch and he goes like, whoo-woo!

Yeah, totally. Which anybody would have done in his position. and it hits the crotch and he goes like, whoo-woo! Yeah, totally. And, uh, which anybody would have done in his position. It's not like... The worst talk show seems reasonable. Yeah.

And then, you know, him wearing a car neck costume and then, uh... An animal peeing on him. Yeah, an animal, yeah. A lemur pissing on his head. From a great distance.

Him and, like, Burt Reynolds, you know, being openly drunk on the air. And then what? Like what else was so... But I loved Leno at the beginning because he was like horrible and there's nothing to me better than a bad talk show. I love it so much. The best is a talk show. And what used to happen a lot, there'd be a talk show, and then they'd cancel it.

And then it would be on for another three weeks after they announced the cancellation. And then you couldn't get any guests. And the Magic Hour was phenomenal with Magic Johnson. That one was amazing. The Chevy Chase show. Yeah. There's one clip on YouTube of the Chevy Chase show, and it's him and Beverly D'Angelo. And that's a friend of his.

Somebody they've starred in movies together, and he can't pull off a conversation with her. And that's a friend of his. Somebody they starred in movies together and he can't pull off a conversation with her. And then he starts dancing. He brings a cake over to her son. It's her son's birthday. And then he dances with her for about a minute and a half. Like way too long.

And then he gets everybody in the audience. He's like, everybody dance! And it's just like, oh boy. Oh yeah, the magic hour they had a monkey that could play the drums and it just went for like eight minutes and he's like, look at that monkey go! It was just... That's pretty good.

It was one of those things like it would go through waves of being like, this is funny and then you get bored of it and then become hysterical because you're like, I can't believe it's still playing the drums and then eventually you tie your own and you're like, oh my god, and then you get bored of it, and then become hysterical, because you're like, I can't believe it's still playing the drums, and then you eventually get Tyro, then you're like, oh my god, he's still playing the drums, and then it'd be like this. Bob Devers

cancelled. You monkey! He was one of the writers. Oh! Now, what was Magic Johnson's thing, they were sitting on loungers or something? In every show, he and Arsenio would explain AIDS to kids.

Magic's was later. It was like the late 90s, wasn't it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. I know it was on the same time as Mr. Show. No. Yeah. Was it around the same time as Mr. Show?

But it was only for like six weeks or something, too, which makes it hard to pin down in my mind. Because when there was like a mad rush when Carson retired to get like, we got to get Pat Sajak a show. Yeah. Yeah. And then Carson was a renowned basketball player in his day. So this totally makes sense. And then Conan, they were kept like giving him one week contracts because they really wanted to hire

Greg Kinnear that's right was it the first episode of Conan where he's walking down the street heading into the studio and everybody's yelling at him like you suck and he's like thanks no they're just like better be funnier than Letterman like everywhere he went

and then now like and Letterman when better be funnier than Letterman. Like everywhere he went. And then. Now, like, and Letterman, when you see old clips of Letterman, always, he's always been funny. Like. Well, but see, now Letterman's like the new Carson because I still think he's great. Right. I agree. But then I talked to like a couple guys who were like 21 and they're like, he's the worst.

And I was like, oh, and suddenly I was like the old guy that's like, no, in the old days he used to make prank phone calls and then realized I'm like, oh, I got nothing. Yeah, it is sort of like when people tell you that Johnny Kirsten was the greatest ever, you're like, have to take their word for it. And then they're like, and the original Saturday Night Live cast

that was comedy. Are you sure about that? They kept those tapes. Yeah, there's all the evidences. It's right there in front of you. Yeah, so when on the last... He's going to get another show, though, Jay Leno. They'll put him on some other station.

What is he going to do? He doesn't have a thing. He doesn't have... I'm sure him and his wife don't ever talk. He's just going to talk to cars. He's going to play with cars all the time. Yeah, and tour. He's touring with the cars.

He's touring with the cars. He's playing bass. They're a late bass player. He likes anything car related. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. The movie Cars. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it's amazing that he didn't do a cameo voice in Cars. Actually, that's pretty weird. Yeah. Like a car that just comes out and it's just all denim color. Just like a denim car. So, what's going on there, Tow-mator? I like when his voice goes low.

You know what I mean? Like, he's always high, and they look a little like, be like, honk, honk, honk, honk, beep, beep. Like, it drives me nuts when he does it. Remember Iron Jay? That was like a segment he would do. Was it like a camera trick effect? Yeah.

To make his chin look really big. And then he would just. Make his chin look really big. Like insanely big. You know, he leads with that thing. I don't remember what the premise of the character was. He looked like Lancey, though. He would dance.

That's right. Oh, yeah. And then. he would dance oh yeah and then uh we i was on uh i was working on that city tv show when jay leno moved to 10 o'clock and that was supposed to be such a big deal right like 10 o'clock and then he's gonna throw to the local thing local news or whatever and i just bombed like it bombed it was the first night it had huge ratings. And then the next night, half as much. And the next night, half as much of that half.

Wow. Well, because like... It was like a Fibonacci sequence. I don't know what that is. I was so impressed. It's like the Doppler effect. Yeah. There was a segment where the guests would drive around a track in a car. Oh, yeah, yeah. they like uh there was a segment where they the guests would drive around a track

yeah yeah oh yeah yeah and i like cars so we got this track in burbank yeah and it was like uh and you know keenan ivory wins has the top score and it's just like the most boring fucking thing like they had an hour where i'm sure the networks were like do whatever you want just fill up that hour and that's what they came up with. We pay you nothing and do it. Yeah, yeah. But they could have done, I don't know, Jay could have just shot a cannon in downtown LA and just seen what happened. Well, you remember Iron Jay? Do you remember Evil Jay?

No. He would come out in a leather jacket and he had a goatee on his big weird chin. And then he'd do all the jokes. He's deformed. Yeah, and then he'd do all the jokes that were rejected because they were too mean. But then he's just so pablum that even the mean jokes were just like, he's like, oh, Jamie Fah's got a big nose.

Like just, there was nothing to the mean ones. I went to, I won a comedy contest a few years ago at a Boston Pizza at 7 in the morning. How many years ago was this? Oh, this would have been 2007. Oh, okay. Like you're actually, it sounded like something that would happen to like a high school kid. No, no, no. It was the Rock 101 CFMI funniestniest Guy with a Day Job contest.

Wow. And I performed three minutes in front of some TVs showing sports highlights. To people who showed up. At what time of day is this? Seven in the morning at a Boston Pizza, a restaurant that's not open at that hour. Everybody's having breakfast pizzas. Yeah. Egg having breakfast pizzas. Yeah. Egg-shaped pizzas.

And so I won. The prize was a trip to Los Angeles to see Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno. Two different shows. And Jerry Seinfeld was great. It was in the Celine Dion giant auditorium thing. And then Jay Leno was just the crowd of people who, like, there was a guy, it was just a dude waiting to smoke a cigar. Like, holding a cigar the whole show. And then Jay came out and did crowd work, like, rehearsed crowd work to everyone in the front row.

Wow. Like ask every single person what they did for a living. And then just, so, hey, you're a mechanic, eh? Oh, this guy does this thing and you do that thing. Maybe you should talk to each other. Wow. Wow. There was a –

I was going to say, speaking of bad talks, do you remember Mike Bullard? That was his whole show. Was he just going in? Do I remember? Yeah. But the first week, too, they couldn't get a crowd. So it would all be people that worked for this TV station. But he doesn't do anything but crowd work.

So he'd come up and be like, so what do you do for a living? They're like, I work here. Oh, yeah. He didn't have a rehearsed monologue. He never had a monologue. He just did crowd work. Because he couldn't afford writers. Oh, was that it? Yeah. Oh, I thought he didn't have a rehearsed monologue. He never had a monologue, he just did crowd work. Because he couldn't afford writers. Oh, was that it?

Yeah. For the American listener, Mike Bullard had this show called Open Mic. And it was on for like a decade. And it was recorded in the back of Wayne Gretzky's restaurant. That's right. And it was... I'm just trying to Canadian it up. Sorry, sorry.

For the Canadian listeners also, Mike Bullard was a guy that had... Nobody remembers him either. Yeah. And he had a band, a very small band. Or an Isaacs. Or an Isaacs. That's right. And he would come out and, yeah, the opening 10 minutes of the show was him just riffing with the audience.

And it was always weird, especially on TV, where the audience wasn't lit. Yeah. Or mic'd or anything. Yeah, yeah. And then it became more and more of a thing. As the show went on, people would show up to be the people that he talked to. And they were more and more Yahoo-ish. As time went on, it was more like, we're a bachelorette party or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. We're human garbage. I'm the mucinex mucus guy. And then it was all Canadian guests, so on any given show, it was like, we've got so-and-so, and you'd be like, I don't know who that is, and then it would be either a band you recognized or Tom Green or something like that. It would be one you'd recognize, two you wouldn't, and then maybe a band that you would know the name of.

And he didn't seem to like any of the people that came on. No, he was really just grumpy and unpleasant. The Canadian late-night talk show never caught on as a format. No. But the daytime ones, there's a never-ending supply of interior design experts in the country. That's right. What's our version of The View that's on right now? It's called, like, The Clutch.

The Clutch? Yeah, The Pangs, The Cramps. The Cramps. That's Jay Leno's new show. He's going to join The Clutch. I thought that was one of our cars. I didn't know it was for Canadian girls. It's called The Social.

The Social. Yeah. And so it's like, there's that, and then, yeah, you're right. There's City Line, there's Deanie Petty. Vicki Gavreau. Steven and Chris. It's huge. Those guys have, like, their own line of things.

Of toupees. I went to a taping. Line of toupees? Are they toupee men? One of them is very toupee. Oh, I didn't know. I went to a taping of Vicki Gavreau once. Really?

It was a horrible experience. Why? Because I got insanely drunk with Brent Butt the night before. Oh, yeah. And then he's like, I'm going to be on the show tomorrow. He's like, I dare you to come and sit in the crowd with a big sign that says Butt 316. So I totally woke up, hung over, and called a cab and ran downstairs. And there was a big piece of cardboard left over from the guy that lived in the room before me in this house was a filmmaker.

Right. So he had a big piece of... Oh, it was the same house we lived in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You took over my room after. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah.

So I made a... I wrote about 316 on the thing and then got down there and then they were like, you have a sign with you? I was like, yeah. They're like, okay, come on in. And I thought for sure there's going to be a problem. But they were like, no. Did you need tickets to this thing? No, it was free taping.

Why was it... Was the audience not all homeless people? It was a lot of retirees. Oh, yeah, for sure. Retirees and an elementary school there on their field trip. Yeah. So then I sat down and then the sign, I looked on the other side, I was kind of hungover or not with it.

I didn't realize on the side of the sign that I didn't look at, it said, call 1-800-I-will-murder-you. And it was part of a prop from some movie this guy made. And I was like, oh, this is terrifying that I'm here on TV trying to get this on. And then right when the taping was just about to start,

the guy was like, I'm just going to move this sign so it doesn't block the camera. And then he grabbed it from me and took it away. And then I was stuck and I was like, ah. So then I had to sit through like three hours of't block the camera. And then he grabbed it from me and took it away. And then I was stuck. And I was like, ah. So then I had to sit through like three hours of Vicki Gaborow.

And then that was it. I remember our mutual past roommate, Sean Prattler, went to a taping that Brent Butt did in the same studio that Vicki Gaborow was taped in. And he did like an hour special. and he did like an hour special. And everybody was told like, please wear dark clothing because it's supposed to be like kind of a nightclub, kind of that's the look we're going for. And Sean wore a bright red shirt on purpose.

So they sat there with his arms crossed like he was having a really bad time. He also, the double exposure was that show they taped there and he hated that show really bad time. He also had a double exposure with that show they taped there and he hated that show with a passion. And then he had a plan that we were, me, him, and someone else, I forget the third person,

we were all going to go in with black jackets or hoodies or whatever and then underneath we'd have Hawaiian shirts and we'd pull out cigars and then laugh like in Cape Fear. underneath we'd have like Hawaiian shirts and we'd pull out cigars and then laugh like in Cape Fear. And we'd do like one in a row, like the next guy would get louder and then louder and then just annoy everybody

there laughing insanely hard at these horrible jokes. And then be like, what are you going to kick us off for laughing at your comedy show? Like that's not heckling, that's just laughing, right? Yeah. Oh no, we're kicking you out because you're smoking these jets. Yeah, maybe not like them, I don't know. Also, we're kicking you out because it's our prerogative. We're well aware of because you're smoking these giants. Maybe not like them. I don't know. Also, we're kicking you out because it's our prerogative. We're well aware of what you're doing.

He's got us dead to rights. He said he's laughing. It's comedy. He did present a strong argument. No, he can't. Well, thank you very much for showing up, being our Tony Randall man. Yeah, that was a good Tony Randall talk. Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Oh, boy. Okay, you guys. I've gotten a little too comfortable in my car, driving everywhere. Yeah, that's true. You've been living the life. Yeah. I drive to work most days. Every day.

Not Saturday and Sunday. I'm not an animal. But this weekend, we got new chairs in the studio. Yeah, love it. And so this weekend, I went deep into the suburbs to buy some chairs at Ikea, which turns out is on strike. Still. Yeah.

Settle that strike, Ikea. Yeah, come on. Because I'm not, like, I don't want to cross the picket line, but I've already driven so far. They should write a protest song about you. Well, I thought one of, there's two Ikeas outside Vancouver. I thought the Richmond one was on strike and the Coquitlam one wasn't. Turns out they both are. Anyway, so I got these chairs.

Strike chairs. Yeah, these are scab chairs. Oh, no. They're not as comfortable as they were. But as I was driving into the suburbs, I was on the highway, and the light on my dash, like, all of them lit up. Oh, no. It was like, battery, your emergency brake is on. It wasn't on.

Pick one, car. Your ABS brakes, your airbag, all the lights were on. I was like, uh-oh. What's happening? I'm far from home. And so I just kept driving, and it was still driving fine. And I got these cab chairs, and I came home, and the lights were still on. And I got home, and I looked up what the problem was, and it's the alternator, which sort of powers things.

I don't know what anything is. Yeah, me neither. It's an electrical component thing. Nope. Okay. I'm no G. Leno. Yeah. I mean, alternator, the name of it, it sounds like something that alternates the current.

Sure. But that's all I'm guessing. But everything I read was like, yeah, this is your alternator, you need to replace that. But it was Sunday. You were like, I have to alternate my alternator? Or that was Saturday. And then the next day I went out for breakfast and... In the car?

Yeah, in the car. Well, nothing I read, it just said replace that. Another thing said don't drive. Ah, touche. And so I just kept driving, and then the car just died. Like, literally, like, all the power steering turned off. It suddenly got really hard to steer. Oh, no.

And then, like, every electrical thing on the car died. Like, I couldn't, you know, lock the doors. Oh, no. And then, like, every electrical thing on the car died. Like, I couldn't, you know, lock the doors. Oh, no. Except by hand, old-fashioned style. It was the ghost of that strike. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I got my comeuppance. Yeah.

Whereabouts were you? Like, on a highway? No, that was just on a city street. Like, it was a pretty residential street. Okay. And so that was fine. And the tow truck came in. Well, I called up the auto club, the automobile association, and I said, my car just died.

That's weird, right? Yeah. And the guy's like, totally, man. Yeah. Can you send someone to fix it? And they're like, no, I think we need to send someone to tow it. Where do you want it towed to? And I was like, ah.

So I do. Like, tow it somewhere and then tow it back to my house when it's fixed. Yeah. Also pay for it. So I had it towed to the dealership that always does, like, my oil changes. And then the next day at work, like, I next day at work i like i had to take the bus i had to take the bus home from there and then i had to take the bus to work the next day and i have been i've you know like it was just like a rude awakening yeah yeah taking taking

the bus after welcome back after like a year of driving it's uh yeah it never gets better the bus yeah are you part of the it never gets better campaign it doesn't it's like well i guess it because if you're that's the message to the kids you're like you think the school bus is bad yeah yeah like two of You're like two of the same. Study hard. Yeah, that's insane. And so I, like, the morning the bus is kind of okay. But, like, the first night I took the bus, it was a drunk guy. This was five in the afternoon. I got a drunk guy with a giant three-foot-long pair of bolt cutters.

Just sitting on the bus. And he was in his 60s maybe. And he was so proud of these bolt cutters that he had. And he was so drunk. And he was waving them around to everyone. If anybody doesn't like this, I'll cut you. I'll cut you with these bolt cutters. I don't care if you're a bolt.

And then he would put the bolt cutters up against one of the poles that you hang on to. And he'd look around at people. Hey yeah it looks like i could do this and then he offered it to some guys and then they didn't want it and then he tried to use it to like unscrew stuff on the bus no one said anything the bus driver should have been like hey knock it off hey buddy knock it up well they're not paid enough it is, I totally, I'm with the bus drivers on the whole. I'm just stopping this bus and maybe I'll get off. Yeah. If shit gets too heavy. Yeah, because you find bus drivers, they don't say anything.

Because I remember there was times when bus drivers used to always weigh in on stuff. Yeah. Be like, don't do that on my bus. Now they're like, eyes ahead. I see nothing. Yeah, I totally, once in a while you'll get on with a like it's like a steven seagal movie like oh this guy used to be in the green berets you know like this guy this guy really knows his shit and he's uh like oh he there was a guy the other morning that made somebody

come all the way back to the front of the bus and show him the pass again oh wow yeah and i was like this guy is in control and also going to be stabbed before the end of his bus career yeah like guaranteed uh so the guy with the bolt cutters gets off and then immediately the first thing he does he like there's a fire hydrant right there so he immediately as soon as he's off the bus, tries to open the fire hydrant. And people are walking down the street just looking like, also not doing anything. Because this guy, I mean, he's too drunk to accomplish anything. I think he was sober. I don't think bowl cutters are going to open up that fire hydrant.

And it's January. It's not like in the summer where you're like, let's open it up for the kids. I don't think he thought it through. Wow. And then I saw this dude on the bus with like a punk guy with a punk

leather vest with studs all over it. But also... So smelly. Also, in addition to the studs all over it, the motherboard from a computer. Oh, he's a cyberpunk. Yeah, exactly. And that wasn't even the most interesting part of the guy, because that was on the back of his vest.

He had a giant beard on half of his face. Oh, wow! What do you think this guy's deal was? I don't know, but I see that sometimes. It's like... Like half a beard? Yeah, it's guys... Like in a circus sideshow?

It's like a woman on one half? Yeah. It would be freaks? It's, um... Like, so either you lose a bet or... Yeah, oh yeah. It must be... But this guy had like...

Or it's some kind of statement you're making. But it was like a long beard on one side. Like he had put in the time on the one side. Maybe when he has to, in his regular life, he just combs it up into a full beard. Yeah. It's a comb over. Yeah.

He just works in a bank. And then at the end of the day, he puts on a cyberpunk thing, lets down his half beard. Yeah. And then... Billy Idol tried to write an album based on the work of William Gibson and it was clear he didn't understand anything about William Gibson.

He said he tried to. He released this album. He put that album out. Without understanding anything. And that image sounds like something from that album. Like someone just doesn't kind of get it. Like my album, Tech War. Now, so did you also notice, I've only noticed this in the last year, but it's spiked.

If I had to draw a graph, people's backpacks have gotten crazy big. Like, backpacks, like, they're still the same style, but they're just, now they take up a whole aisle of, like, it's like a person and then another person with a bag. Which is that, I feel like everybody's walking around with parachutes on. It's too much backpack. Yeah, like you might have to live off of it for a while. Yeah. But hopefully the car situation is going to remedy itself. Well, I called the dealership or service department and had them fix the alternator.

It took two days because they had to order it. And then I went and picked it up and started driving home. And the headlights on my car didn't work. Oh, no. And it was dark already. And so I had to drive home. But the high beams worked. So I had to drive home with the high beams all the way.

And other drivers freaking out at me, giving me their high beams. But you're lucky you didn't get accidentally initiated into a gang. That's true. Yeah. Because remember that old... Oh, yeah. That's right. Give you the high beams.

And then if you... What was it? If you high beam... If someone's driving around with their high beams and you flash them back, you have to murder that person to be initiated. Yeah, you have to follow them and murder. What if that person was just from a rival gang and they're just setting up a trap? Oh, yeah. They're like, we know this gang's stupid initiation.

You still might get murdered. Well, that's true, but that's just your gang fodder. You knew when you signed up that you were the frontline gang guy. Yeah, I knew when you signed up that you were the frontline gang guy. Yeah. I knew you were trouble. So now I have to bring my car back to have my lights looked at. And I feel like I shouldn't have to pay for that. No, that's true.

But I, so I'm trying to psych myself up for tomorrow morning when I bring my car in and I have to be like, I'm pretty sure you guys should have looked at this before you gotta go in there the full costanza like you gotta go in like no negotiation now i'm not interested in any upselling none of them just the one thing and say you guys owe me this and just go for it yeah the art of non-negotiation also there's a a zillion other places that will do it for me. So if they say it'll cost me any money, I'll say, well, I'll go anywhere else. But also you could say that everything worked. Like the alternator wasn't working, but the lights weren't not working.

Yeah. So you guys screwed it up when you put in the alternator. There you go. Yeah. I don't think you're going to get a lot of resistance from them on it. But if you do, give them my number. Okay. I'll talk to them. Oh, man.

I'll give them my number, 1-800-AL-MURRY. Have a big sign. Then you just answer, but 316. Oh, man. That stuff stresses me out so much when I have to stand up for myself. When you have to go in and do the tough guy routine. Yeah, it's not like... I mean, there are people who are rich who could throw money at it and be like, not worry about it.

But there are also people who are rich who got that way by holding on to every penny. by holding on to every penny. The only thing that I've ever been really good at in that regard is any time that there's negotiation over price, because I always, always walk away. Right. If I don't get to my level, like flea markets or whatever, but if they're like 50 and I'm like 20, I go crazy low, and they're like 30, and I'm like 21.

And if I don't get to something, I'll just walk away. And it almost, like 98% of the time works, because as soon as you walk away, they're like, ooh. This commemorative Rowdy Roddy Piper point. But they want to offload it. I want it. Have you ever seen people try to do that at a place where the person, like at a McDonald's or something, where the person clearly has no authority to handle?

Yes. And they're like, 55 cents for the burger. And the guy's like, $1.56. It's all, it's in the till. I'm on a penny. They write me up. Like, I can't, I'm not Mr. McDonald. Like, I can't make this decision.

I was standing behind a lady who was buying a lighter, and the lighter cost $1.30, and she had $1.10. And she's like, can I just have it? And the person's like, no. She's like, but I don't have it. I don't have the 20 cents. And the woman was like, but I don't know how to. She's like, go to a dollar store or something. I'm not giving you the light i

gave her the 20 cents yeah that's that's the strategy is the person who's too bothered behind them in line like i'm in a hurry here lady yeah but over 20 cents i mean which the girl really did not have but then the girl who was working that till was really not gonna give her but you like if you really only have a10, then your negotiating power goes away because they know you can't go up. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Meet me halfway. I cannot.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store and there was a homeless guy outside. And sometimes when a homeless person, or I guess maybe not even homeless, panhandler, they'll try to strike up a deal with you before you go in to, you know, hey, look out for me on your way out. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're giving you a coming attraction. Yeah, just so you know, I'm still going to be here. Looking wretched. Me asking for change, I'm still going to be here.

Looking wretched. Me asking for change. I'm not going to my home. And so I psyched myself up to give this guy two bucks, and he was gone. Oh, wow. And I got out. I still got to feel good about myself. Yeah, because you were going to. Yeah.

The thing I don't like is reaching into my pocket and pulling out $10 worth of change and then being like, you can have this much. Yeah, here you go. Yeah, the guy that I've been giving on a regular basis change to in front of the 7-Eleven, he was talking on his cell phone today. And now... Buy, sell, buy, buy. Yeah, how about me

75 cents it's losing yeah uh I don't know I guess cell phones aren't that they're not expensive

or whatever well for a panhandler they should be yeah yeah I figure that doesn't fit in I don't know am I wrong

I remember when I was a kid and I would see a homeless guy with a landline a fax machine yeah and I wrong? I remember when I was a kid and I would see a homeless guy with a landline. A fax machine? Yeah. And I would really, you know, chuff my butt. I don't know.

Chap my ass? I don't know. I don't know things. No, you chuff your butt. Would you? So, yeah. Big week for... Get in there and do it.

Big week in automotive news absolutely good car talk yeah uh clack um i uh i here's what i did because and it's almost purely because every comic in town has a joke about it and i don't know what it is so um okay can i guess sure is it some sort of social uh it is yeah snapchat no it's not snapchat but you're very clear tinder thank you uh is tinder and uh every comic in town all the young guys honest to god every single one of them has a joke about tinder oh no is this the week you joined Tinder? It is. Because I feel like I'm like a comic in the 80s that has never been on an airplane. And I'm like, oh, boy. Like, I do not know what is going on in the world.

So, yeah, I joined Tinder. And, man, oh, man. So Tinder is the heterosexual cousin to Grindr. Yeah, except... It's for hookups. I guess. Which are sexual. Yeah.

It's not for makeouts. No. But it's also... What's the makeout one? Oh, I love makeouts only. I'm not looking for... I'm worried about HIV. Yeah, I don't want to get anybody pregnant.

I just want to smooch around your face. So here's how it... Do you know how it works? Do you know the basic... I do not. Okay, this is the basic... Can I just tell you this? Yeah.

I'm very excited about this. Because it's something that I'm like, I'm curious about it. I'd be open to downloading the app, but I don't want to have to create an account. Yeah. So that's what I did. I downloaded the app, and then forever I didn't bother creating an account. Because the first thing that it does when you open it, it says it wants to access your Facebook. And I was like, no, close it.

That sounds like a scam. It sounds like something that when you see old people on the news and they're like, it's said to just give me my Facebook. The man said he was my long lost second cousin. He's not a prince. So I was very reluctant, and then I read the actual terms and conditions. You didn't talk to one of your young friends? Yeah, I should have.

I really felt like I was like, oh boy. I set up my Tinder for me, grandson. Tell them, put my wiener size in there. It's not a little something for yourself. So, I like, all it does with the Facebook thing is it. Is wiener size one of those things? No. Okay.

It accesses your photo, uh whatever profile photos and stuff and it also tells you if you have any friends in common with anybody else oh because that could complicate things or i guess be a benefit to be like oh this person's not a uh loner oh right psychopath you know like i'm connected to oh yeah i don't know but that's hey i uh banged your friend the other day exactly yeah yeah so what happens is so then you put your photo in and a little uh bio or whatever so can listeners have sex with you now yeah yeah absolutely i command it um and so what happens is you go on it and then just a picture comes up of somebody and then uh you can press on the picture and see what other pictures

they've uploaded it's only the pictures you've decided that go on there right and then you you there's a heart button is that why you you you just changed your Facebook picture back to that one of Krang painted on your belly? Initially, yes, but then it turns out you don't need to do that. And also, I just like that photo. But that is my... That's your Tinder photo? Yeah, yeah. So then there's a heart button and an X button.

So then the person's picture comes up and you go heart like i like them so these come up like just out of nowhere yeah yeah how does it decide who you see uh i think just based on your location oh okay like it's only because you're horny and lazy yeah yeah yeah absolutely uh and so which is the worst combination possible um so then you if you press if you press the heart button it says like and if you press the x button it just like and it comes up like a stamp across the person's face it It says, like, or if you hit the X button, it just goes, nope. And you don't even have to press the button. You can just swipe to the left.

It's nope, or whichever way. Oh, so you're going through many people. Oh, you go through hundreds and hundreds of people. But do they know that you liked them? Nope. Okay. But if you... What if you like them like them?

If you like somebody... But do they get the nope? That's what I want. No, no. You don't know. Phone's ringing. Everyone hates me. Just on your desk.

Please send me nope notification. You're not really focusing on your work today, Josh. Everybody hates me. This is your boss. Totally. Yeah, I also noped you. I'll get back to work. So it will only do something if you liked somebody that liked you.

Then it will... By the way, you two like each other. Yeah, and it'll say, oh, you've made a... And then you can say hello or not. And then it says, it gives you an made it. And then you can say hello or not. And then it says, it gives you an option. It says, you can say hello or continue playing. So even it acknowledges that you're playing. Love is just a game to these people.

You're just playing with people's emotions. Wow. So, yeah, so I've done it. You've done it? I've done it. Oh, yeah, there's also, it said, put your penis into the iPhone slot. Yeah, I've been doing that for years. Yeah, you don't need an app.

Anyway, so I don't know how it works beyond its basic function. Like, a lot of people have said, like, hey, and I'm like, hey, how's it going? Oh, people have said hey. Yeah. That's good. And then a lot of people... Does anyone recognize you? Yeah, almost everybody.

It's just other comics. Well, they only see your first name and then they go, Oh, you're Graham Clark. You're from the podcast or whatever. Not interested. Kind of. I don't want to end up in one of your skits yeah okay bye now um so your phone shocks you

so anyway so that's how it works so now i know now is there is there like a map feature no it just says okay when you log in, it says finding people in your area, whichever, whatever that means. You're like your genitals. Yeah. Your private area. Because I remember when Grindr started, I never saw it, but I assumed it had some kind of map thing, and it was just like... This is the same as that. It tells you how many feet away

immediate sexing yeah but i think that uh in that case it was a bunch of dudes who were like all right uh yeah hey dude i want to have sex with a dude and some other dude is like all right i'm a dude yeah i want sex with a dude too yeah you're a dude but uh this is this is uh dudes and ladies so it's automatically more uh complex than uh right like that's why grinder was such a wild success is because it was a bunch of dudes figuring out how to sex with other dudes like the easiest thing in the universe yeah yeah yeah uh but then you know like it's the same it doesn't matter if you make an app that's like this is the hookup app he's still it's still men and women and weird have you uh weirdness have you seen that show looking no uh it's like it's i only look at apps

now it's this new hbo show uh based on um well it's basically it's stylistically a lot like girls uh but it's about gay, young gay men. I believe Looking comes from the Grindr app. Oh, I see. And there's a guy on there that kind of reminds me of Kevin Lee. Oh, yeah? Past guest Kevin Lee. Oh, yeah.

He's got some very complex feelings. Yeah, he would be, you know, there's all sorts of terms. He'd be an otter, I'd say. He's an otter. Okay, what's an otter? I don't even know. Like a slim bear? Yeah, like a slim young bear.

Because this is such a crazy... So my son's like five. Yeah. And then we were at the aquarium. Your son is sort of like a... No, no, no. Don't go there. So we're in the...

Could you please... When you say don't go there, could you sass it up a bit? I'll snap a few times. So we're at the aquarium, and then there was a poster for Harry Otter, which I got to play on Harry Potter. Oh, fun. And then we came home, and we said, remember that thing? It was really funny. And I was like, oh, for sure there'll be a picture if I do a Google image search of Harry Otter, not knowing there's this other meaning.

And I'm like, well, come check this out, and I'm like, search, and then I'm like, cover your eyes! And just insanity came up, and I was like, well, this means something I didn't know. Yeah. What are, there's the bear. The bear is the large, gay, hairy. I think there's bear, and then there's

like a cub, I think, is a thing. A young bear? Yeah, and then the ot there's like a cub, I think, is a thing. A young bear? Yeah. And then the otter is like a skinny, skinny hairy. So skinny hairy. And carries a clamshell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always eating oysters and clams.

Yeah, holding hands, floating on its back. Yeah, floating on its back. There's a twink. Yeah. Which is a hairless. There's a daddy. That's a whole thing. Yeah. There's like an older guy. There's a daddy. That's a whole thing. He's like an older guy. There's a power bottom.

Yeah. That's me. Are you a power bottom? I think I would be. Whenever I create a character in a video game, he's always a power bottom. I guess I would be a bear? I don't think I'm old enough to be a bear.

You're getting there. Oh there oh yeah i'm about there there's a boo-boo you know like a yeah yeah boo-boo i don't know any of these something picnic basket yeah if there's a ranger he comes in and he's confused last week we asked people to let us know where um uh the city they're in and uh oh if they're doing their thing if the if people in that city are doing their thing yeah um if any if we have any gay listeners please feel free to call or write in and uh let us know terminology yeah yeah what and also throw in some fake ones yeah and also also if there's a hierarchy of any kind oh yeah i feel like there's a new segment about uh yeah i would like to know the nicknames, the power rankings.

Oh, yeah. Do they change power every week? What were last year's power rankings? What are this year's? Like a basketball column? Yeah. Yeah. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Or is there like a fantasy league? I think the key to making... Or is it more Game of Thrones where it's like all these groups are vying for the same thing. I think you're onto something. I thought it would be more like a list. I'm kind of a white walker. Like, 30 gay segments under 30. Right, yeah.

But I think we're all looking for power rankings. We're looking for, like, who's hot, who's not, who's on the comeback. Oh, who do we think are the old the old, who's not hot anymore? Oh, you know what? I think otters are hot. Otters are in. I think otters and I feel like there's wolves. What would be like

foxes? There's got to be foxes. What about like Rock Hudson? In. He's made a comeback. What group would he be? Oh, he would have been a... I don't know. A slick Johnny. Thank you.

Was that so hard? No, it wasn't hard at all. So slick Johnnies are in. Yeah, slick Johnnies are in. But hairy marmots are out. Yeah, that's true. Fuzzy marmots, out. Slick Johnnies, in.

Hairy otters? Oh, hairy otters? Yeah. They're big. Out Harry Otters? Yeah. They're big. Out on my computer. Yeah. Okay.

Well, let's move on to some business. Yeah, let's do that. This week, I believe I mentioned a couple weeks ago, we're getting rid of the business theme. And, you know, we might bring it back from time to time. But we're a little sick of it. Too much of it. Yeah. But then someone was like, of it. Too much of it. Yeah.

But then someone was like, hey, if I made a Beastie Boys version of the business theme, what would you do about that? And we said we would play it. Yeah. And here it is. So here it is. I like it. It's intergalactic. Yeah, it's planetary. That's less Beastie Boys.

Yeah, that's a little more loving. that's less Beastie Boys yeah that's a little more loving back to Beastie Boys that's a little early that's a little early or EMF that is the business theme. It was a little Daft Punk-ish.

You know what? It's a rich tapestry. Yeah, it was a melange. I used to do a bit where I'd grab the mic and put it on my throat and do the intergalactic thing. And it got stuck in the stand and I yanked it out and just crushed my trachea in front of everybody. Couldn't talk for like a minute. I was like, oh! I just crushed my trachea in front of everybody.

Couldn't talk for like a minute. I was like, oh! So there was no setup. I just grabbed the mic and punched myself in the throat and fell down. How did the audience like it? They were just confused. They were like, why did that man punch himself in the throat? You're like that grape stomping lady. Yeah, it was like that.

Oh, it's still so great. It was such an inhuman noise. That was sent in by Johnny E. Johnny E! Thanks for that. This week in business. Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy

to create your own professional website or online portfolio. Now, here's the thing about Squarespace. They offer a support team 24 hours and 7 days a week. Wait, how many hours a day? 24 hours. How many days a week? 7 days. How many years a century?

You know what? 100 years a century. Oh, that's really good. They offer... Now, okay, this is cool. Yeah. We told you about all this other stuff. But now they have a brand new logo generator to design your own logo.

I used to go dance at the logo generator. I used a Go-Go Boy down there. Yeah? I was a Go-Go Boy. Ooh, Go-Go Boys are in. But I've seen this thing. It was very cool. They've combined with the Noun Project, I believe it's called.

And it's a bunch of cool symbols and fonts. And you can sort of mix and match and create your own thing. Yeah. So you go, you say your Shumka Enterprises. Yeah. And then they have a picture of a Shumka. Yeah, and then it's got different shapes, logos, fonts. Yeah.

Cool. Everything you want in a drugstore. Go to squarespace.com and make sure to use the offer code SPY. That's all one word, SPY. Why would it be two words? Yeah, no, no. Don't confuse yourself.

And you'll get 10% off your first purchase from Squarespace. Everything you need to create an exceptional website. Graham. Yes. Overheard. You bet. Justin, what are you doing? I'm strapping a chicken to my arm.

Heard there's some plague out west, so I just wanted to get out ahead of it. Justin, if you'd ever listen to our medical history podcast, Sawbones, where we talk about everything from trepanation to bloodletting, you would know that that is a ridiculous idea and it will never work.

Sawbones? I haven't caught it. Sawbones? Yes, it's every Friday on the Maximum Fun Network and we record it together. You mean a doctor or something? Yes! This is Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher. This is Ricky Carmona. And we have a great action and sci-fi movie podcast.

That's right, great. On the Maximum Fun Network. It is called Wham! Bam! Pow! Every week we review an amazing movie about blow-em-ups. Smash-em-ups. We call it a dick flick. Yeah, we do. And you can tune in to the movies on Netflix Watch Instant.

Maybe they're in theaters. It's going to change your life. Damn! You can subscribe on iTunes or listen at MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard. Now what these are, these are things where Hulk Hogan comes and

does something in the news. No, Dave, it's just when you're out in the town, when you're riding the bus because your car doesn't work out. I bet you picked up over herds. I got a few. By the dozen. But before we move on to the over herds, I have a question. Yeah. Tinder.

Yes. Has this feature that tells you how far apart you are from a woman you can date. Yes. The physical proximity of women and what they look like. Yeah, that's right. They're single status, so you know there is no man in her home

to protect her. Well, I don't know it for a fact, but yeah, you could assume. Has it been featured on Law & Order yet? And what did they call it? Oh, yeah. Oh, I think if they had it on... Criminal? No, I think if it was on Law & Order, it would be called Meter.

Right. Just, you know... I was thinking Datester. Oh, yeah, Datester would be good. Yeah, Meter, Datester. Speedweed. Speedweed. Speedweed. Speedweed was one of the writers for Law and Order. Yeah, for all those procedurals.

Okay, yeah, I'm satisfied. Great work, Squadron. Now, we like to start the Overheard segment with the guest. Okay. Would you like to start, or do you want one of us to start and come back around to you? How do you want to do it? Oh, I've never had an option before. Yeah, it's your option.

You call. Yeah, dealer's choice. I'm going to pass. Okay. I'll go last. We'll start with Dave. Dave, who's been riding City Transit. Yeah, this one isn't from that.

Okay. This one is from work the other day, and you weren't there. Nope. Graham's been job shadowing me lately. It's career day. Yeah. Bring your buddy to work day. Now, where I sit at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, it's in a cubicle area and it's

all CBC music people and there's a few people I don't know, like not too far from me. If I had my Tinder app open, it would say they were about 20 feet from me. And I believe they're audio engineers. And so I don't know any of their names because I'm not, like, friendly or nice. But the other day, one of the older audio engineers, he was at his computer, and he had his headphones on. But it became obvious pretty early on that his headphones weren't plugged into the computer. So he must have thought that just like he wasn't hearing stuff right, because he also had headphones on his ears blocking him from hearing what was coming through the speakers.

So the result was there was sound coming from the speakers, and he had it cranked way up so everyone in the office could hear it. Oh, man. And it was happening for a long time. From what I could tell, he watched that Budweiser commercial with the dog, the puppy, and the horse. Yeah. Very sweet. Yep.

And that's about a minute long and very loud. Then he watched some kind of weird karaoke of Thriller, which was about five minutes long. At this point, everyone around the office was looking at each other like, where's this coming from? Who's that guy? I don't know him. I can't say knock it off. And then

the last thing I heard him, I think he got a phone call somewhere in the middle. So he had to take his headphones off, and that's when he kind of clued in to what was happening. He's like, oh, God. Oh, God, everybody's been hearing it. The last thing I heard was, the following contains scenes of mind-numbing cuteness. Oh, man. mind-numbing cuteness oh man yeah what uh um that's that's uh super embarrassing right yeah to have i mean it would be for me well there was a guy on the bus this morning that had earbuds in

but i could hear what he was listening to over my own music and he sat down next to an old lady and the old lady straight up told him she was like it's insane how loud what was he listening to do you know oh like really dancey okay like not uh not techno-y but uh what would you call it like dance hall like a lot of like that kind of stuff stuff. Okay. Like lots of yelling, long, prolonged yelling. Yeah. A lot of that hockey music. Yeah. Foghorn music.

By Leghorn. Foghorn by Leghorn. So your turn now then, Graham. Yeah. Mine is an overseen. It's a photo I took. I don't know if you've seen this ad around town. It's a picture of a saxophone with that looks like a spine and uh what are they advertising it's more

like a saxophone to me the vancouver recital society and it says music with backbone is the tagline and this is somebody has taken a black felt pen it's black background and blotted out a couple letters so that it says vancouver rectal society music with bone pretty good it's fine yeah it's easy yeah it's easy but we're all here to enjoy it um that's not uh like uh who cares what the music with backbone like that's not drawing me in. Yeah, it's true. I still know I have to sit in a recital. You're like, this music's not brave enough.

This music wouldn't stand up for me if we got turned away from a bar. Yeah, this music is a turncoat. Yeah. And also, if it's recitals, why is there a saxophone? It's all vocal at a recital site, isn't it? I don't know. And we'll never know. Wouldn't a recital... And I will never know.

Is it just recitals? I thought piano or, like, violin. Yeah, you could go to a piano recital. Oh, I guess so, yeah. I've got my daughter's piano recital. Isn't... It should be there right now. Yeah, recital is like...

I don't care if I lose my job. The word recital is just like... It means some obligation that I don't want to go to. Yeah, yeah. It's a movie plot device. It means some obligation that I don't want to go through. Yeah, yeah. It's a movie plot device. Yeah, it was invented by people who needed to construe boredom on screen. Yeah, it was invented by the Warner Brothers.

Now, there's no avoiding your overhead. We've come around. It is now your turn. All right. So I was on Main Street. That's like the Main Street. It is. It is the very hipster Main Street. So it was...

Well, it's not really the Main Street. It's kind of... Hipsters call it Main Street, ironically. It's actually first. Yeah. It's in quotes. Yeah. So it was Car Free Day.

And then hipsters were just strolling up and down the street. Now, Car Free Day is a day when they shut the street down to cars, and it's all walking. Not just on the sidewalk. You walk everywhere. You walk right in the middle of the street. The white lines, the yellow lines, the asphalt. Everywhere. All of these, yeah. And there's food trucks out.

The hipsters love it. They're wandering around the food trucks. That's the derogatory. Yeah, it is. There's food trucks out. The hipsters love it. They're wandering around the food trucks. That's the derogatory thing. Yeah, it is. It is. But the couple behind me in the line was very hipsterish. And it was a while ago.

I can't remember. But in my head, they were like the prototypical hipster. Okay. She was strumming a ukulele. Monocle. Penny farthing. And yeah, it was all that stuff. And then I could overhear them talking.

And then she was like, oh, no, he's a very, very famous comedian named Graham Clark. And then the guy went, oh, what have I seen him in? And she went, oh, sorry, I mean, he's famous, but on Main Street. And not even that. Only one of the two. He's kind of Tinder famous. Oh, yeah. Who's going to be the first Tinder celebrity? Oh, I nominate me.

Has that happened with other social media? Well, here's the thing. Because the big MySpace celebrity was Tila Tequila. There's a lady in Toronto that does a blog. Oh, yeah. There's a few people that do it, though. Yeah, Tinder blog. I just know the woman, Christina Walkinshaw. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah it's very there's a few people that do it though yeah tinder blog i just know the woman christina walkinshaw yeah yeah yeah she's very funny and she's she's made quite like like the the person who made tinder like knows her yeah and she goes

to different gaps and tries on the clothes that the mannequins are wearing so it is a thing like it could be a thing. I don't know. It feels like it could be. But is she the first Tinder celebrity or the last blog celebrity? Because she's not. It's the blog that gets the attention. What were the other blog celebrities?

Because the first Twitter celebrity. For a doctoral? Donovan Bailey. Who? He was an Olympic athlete. Yeah, he had been the world's fastest man for a while. I'm not sure I heard it right. I was like, what?

Was there a Twitter celebrity? There are Twitter celebrities. Yeah. Rob Delaney. Shit my dad says. Yeah. Kelly Oxford. Yeah.

Were there Facebook? Are there Facebook celebrities? Tom from MySpace? No. I can't see him. Not really. The twins. Winklevoss uh vine celebrities are they those i don't know there are there are like people that's what i mean i'm sure we've gotten tv deals off of them yeah and i've are very good at the medium um

the social medium here's the thing. Because we also have overheard sent into us. This is new. Let me tell you about it. To me. This is sent into us from all around the world. If you want to send them into us, you can send them into spy at maximumfun.org. And let us know what the gay groups are.

In your town. In your town. And if they're doing their thing. Like, what's a skunk? And what are skunks doing their thing? You know what what's a skunk and what are skunk if our skunks doing? Their thing you know what I bet is dirty Now they got some stink Skunk is someone who pursues I think smokes a lot of weed

Oh, I thought was gonna be someone who pursues cats word painted We don't we do not what he said the p word for vagina oh no no like a cat with the i know what you said i thought it was to my either or neither nor all right what's that i don't know it's like an old thing that like my english teacher used to say. Either or, neither nor. It was basically when I'm checking out of a thing. This first one comes from Josh B. That's okay. We cool. We do and we thank.

I'm glad. This is Josh B. My five-year-old niece was telling her sister about a cow skeleton she found at her grandpa's farm. You can get any kind of cow bone. Sounds like grandpa's not a great farmer. Grandpa's not doing great. She says, you can get any kind of cow bone you want. Backbones, front bones.

Pretty great. Yeah? Yeah. I uh a cow with backbone it's like a recital it's like a the recital of a farm i just like it that there's yeah backbone you know front bones they're connected to each other oh yeah how does it the backbones connected to the front bone it's very short song but that's horrible haiku top bones connected To the front bone It's a very short song But then It's more of a haiku Top bone's connected To the bottom bone What was the last

But isn't it like Isn't there a weird Thing in that song Like And now we praise the lord Or something like that Yeah Isn't there like a weird part

To that song Yeah It's like a And like now we're In the glory of god Yeah Saddam Hussein was right Science is wrong

It's a It's one of those weird creationist... Oh, there's that... Okay, so there's that nerd bar in town. The black crowing tavern or whatever? Stew muscle? Every other... The storm crow.

The storm crow, that's what... Every other pub in town will show hockey games. Yesterday they were showing a live debate on creationism between Bill Nye and the founder of the creationism museum Which I loved I'd like to see a debate between Bill Nye and Beekman Right? Who stole who's gimmick

Science for kids They both stole Mr. Wizard's didn't they That's true Remember how crotchety He hated This next one comes to us from Joe Beth H. I love it. Yeah, good name.

I was in a bar in Chicago recently, and a man walked in, sat down next to me, ordered, and began talking to the bartender. Somehow they got on the topic of the customer's Hawaiian shirt, which they talked about for a couple of minutes. Eventually, the bartender said, well, it's got palm trees, a guy in a canoe, everything you'd want in a Hawaiian shirt, and walked away. As he did, the customer said to himself somewhat dejectedly, yeah, except it wasn't made in Hawaii. He knows the truth. Yeah, there is a culture of Hawaiian shirts. Yeah, it's a... They have to be, like, made of rayon. Really?

Is this true? They have to have wooden buttons. Oh. To be, like, what the Hawaiians call muy autentico. Yeah, you're on island time, right? Yeah. Yeah. Irie.

This last one. Joe Beth. Where was Joe Beth from? I have a feeling you can't be from the north if your name is Joe Beth. She said she was in Chicago. She didn't give a southern belle from Chicago. I do declare. I do declare this dished pizza be mighty deep. This last one comes from Megan Kay from Alameda, California.

Is that near Rancho Carne? Yeah, absolutely. Ranch meat. Just down the road. My brother got married this summer, and at some point during the weekend, a run to the local fast food establishment was being made. I overheard my brother say to his best man, I don't mean to be a groomzilla

not a thing it is is it yeah i was one were you yeah but i want sweet tea half sweet tea and half lemonade and it has to be exactly half and half well you do want to be a groomzilla if you're gonna have have tea and lemonade i know but that's the one day people can't argue with you ah it's true oh what did you groomzilla and i was just gonna ask i was the most groomzilla um uh no i don't think i did much i think just i wanted everyone to be like hey you can't get mad at me no matter what and yeah that was pretty just like quiet. I'll be in my room. Give me my Game Boy. Did you groove Zilla?

No. Our wedding was, there was no Zillas of any kind. We literally eloped and we're looking. We were in Hawaii and then we were looking for like scuba lessons and we couldn't find stuff. So we just got married. Yeah, pretty much. We were just like looking for stuff on the internet. And then we're like, hey, this hippie will marry you for a hundred bucks. And we're like, want to get married?

We're like, sure. And then this guy showed up at the beach, and he had a conch shell, and he was like, brr, it goes, you're married. We filled a thing for mode. And I was like, is this legal the whole time? But did you have to come back to Canada and get a thing? No, just when we filled our taxes, we just changed it to... Literally? Yeah, that's it. uh thing are you no just when we uh filled our taxes we just changed it to uh literally yeah that's it yeah i thought there would be more to it than you had to get a marriage license in hawaii

right the day before uh that was it so let's go down pick up the marriage license and um uh the tension you're married in hawaii you're married in canada yeah yeah because if you get married in mexico it doesn't stand it It depends on the place, but yeah. We have a deal with America. Because they're in charge of the world. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But the room where you have the courthouse where you filled with the marriage license,

the tension in that room was unbelievable. Like I thought it'd be a happy place. And there was just a lot of people that were like, am I doing the right thing? Like you could just feel it everywhere. And then you look to some people and you're like, you're, you're not like,

you do not look like you're matched. Like there's a punk rocker and a guy that's just with, with a calculator. And he's like, how much is this going to cost? You're like, you two. Do you know where you get a marriage license here? oh harvey's drugstore what yeah we got ours at london drugs

what yeah and it was like that's where everyone was like oh that's where you go it's the cheapest marriage license in town really and it's but some contact solution yeah it's it's uh it's very uh weird that that's like a and also when you get there's man there's so much stuff when you get married that like traditionally the groom pays for this the bride's family pays for this what are the bride's family i thought they paid for the whole show there's stuff where it's like uh the the marriage license is the responsibility of whomever. I don't remember. Right. But there are specific things that...

There are specific things that every family has made up, and there's no proof anywhere of where they are. But if you disagree with what someone thinks is the tradition, you are against everything. You're against God. You're against Hawaii God. You're against King Kamehameha. you're against god yeah you're against hawaii god you're you're against king command global yeah uh what was the name of the wave from back to the beach oh the humongous from down under yeah did that marry you in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls this week oh we changed number. It's 206-339-8328. Same number as always. Trick shot.

Tinder. Tinder. Here's your first phone call. The Tinder from down in there. Hey, Dave and Graham. New listener from Washington, D.C., with an overheard. I'm a season ticket holder for the Washington Capitals,

and we were sitting behind two elderly women in their 50s, perhaps 60s, and this was a few years ago. And they showed Bruce Boudreaux, former coach of the Washington Capitals, up on the telescreen and announced that he had won the Jack Adams Award. And the crowd chanted his name, Bruce, which, of course, when a crowd chants, it's a little bit hard to hear exactly what they're saying. And the two women looked at each other confusedly, and one said, well, why are they booing him? And the other woman turned to a friend and said, I don't think they're booing. I think they're going, ooh.

So many ways to get that wrong, and they nailed both of them. Yeah. Oh, i love that if you get the whole crowd to do that it would be impressive entire stadium like a whole um sarcastic kind of being impressed yeah well la-di-da oh wow yeah great great old lady back and forth. I think at the end of this segment, we should say who we thought had the best overheard and then declare them the first overheard celebrity.

Oh, I like it. Oh, I like it a lot. Oh, man. I'd like to think one or two of us. We've been doing it a long time. Yeah, yeah. But it's going to be one of those things like where somebody's gonna really make it oh yeah yeah yeah they'll be like we were really influenced by these two guys i think they're dead

all right here's the movie you're next over hey guys uh andy calling you with an overheard i was at a cleveland cavaliers game last night there were three girls sitting in front of me and one of them had cavaliers written in glitter on her shirt. And at one point during the game, she took off her jacket and turns to her friends and says, Guys, look how sparkly my shirt is. My shirt is so sparkly. I feel like Kesha threw up on me.

That's a weird thing about Kesha. I think outside of the concerts, I think she's just like the most regular girl. I also feel like this person had that line sort of in the chamber the whole night. Like, yeah. Because she knew she was wearing a sparkly shirt. She didn't surprise herself halfway through the game. Oh, my God, look how sparkly my shirt is. You're like, she was ready for a Kesha line at some point.

Yeah. I think someone said it to her. It was like, Kesha. I think they started going, ooh. Kesha threw at some point. Yeah. I think someone said it to her. It was like, it looks like Kesha, I think they started, Kesha went, ooh! Kesha threw up on someone. And then she was ready.

Yeah, it's weird that, yeah, I think, I don't know, my thoughts, You think Kesha's a big phony? No,

no, I just think, outside of the, whereas I think, Lady Gaga is 100% weird, 100% of the time. I lady gaga is 100 weird 100 of the time i think like she sleeps in an egg or something like that like she goes home and then like in the morning she wakes up and she's like i will have one black bean but it has to be the size of my pillow she has all these like crazy requests and that's her whole life i think cash is like she goes nuts

on stage and then she goes home it's just like coco and television yeah coco and house coco and iced tea um what uh yeah i think can you be like lady gaga the fake lady gaga you made up yeah with all these requests uh if you're not super rich like you can't have requests if there's no one to hear you. Oh, I mean, no, you can. You can make requests to everybody all the time. It just will go unfulfilled.

You can if it's your wedding day. You can make those requests. I want half cocoa and half iced tea. You there, dress up as a beefeater and punch me in the throat. And somebody will, if you believe it. Which ones are the beefeaters? The British. British darts? Not the ones with the hats. No. Which ones are the bee feeders? The British. British guards?

Not the ones with the hats. No, the ones with the smaller red hats. They carry blades. Guards. Guards. The guards over there. They parked a car in Harvard Yard. Over there in London Town.

Yeah, the bee feeders. Yeah. I used to bite at Bill's the boat. And I used to bite at his sails. I used to bite at Bill's the boat. And I used to bite at his. I used to catch the fish and take some home to Lyser.

Canada. Something, something Sally Cheapo. I'm keeping out of it. I'm not being Canadian today. Good for you. I've tried.

I slipped a few times. Gabbro. Vicky Gabbro. Here's your final overheard. Your final contender for overheard

celebrity. Here it is hi david graham this is katie uh from ohio uh culligan with an overgrumps uh so last night uh a whole bunch of lead-ins it's really boring about this dream but at one point in the dream uh uh whole cogan walked by and started talking to someone that I was with. And my immediate reaction was, oh my gosh, I have to call this and stop podcasting yourself. And then I thought in the dream, no, wait, Graham's going to be like, you guys, you could just stop, you know, calling in, calling in every time you just see Hulk Hogan it's not that big of a deal but then I look back at Hulk Hogan

and he was wearing really tight shorts and then I start giggling and say okay now I can call this into stop podcasting and then in a dream I did that and now in real life I'm also doing that thanks

good work I will say this that and now in real life i'm also doing that thanks good work yeah yeah if you okay i will say this a category if you see hulk hogan with a boner anywhere call it in a dream yeah in a parallel universe in a video game yeah you call it in immediately yeah before you call the cop, before you call your mom. Before you call Hulk Hogan's wife. Yeah. Why did she say Graham would be mad? Like, why in the dream? I'm the one who's mad about Hulk Hogan news.

I don't know. That's the crazy thing about dreams. You know, people can't tell our voices apart. Did you know that? Yeah, a lot of people say, oh, I've been listening to the show for four years. I don't know whose voice is who. It's fine. I don't either whose voice is who. It's fine. I don't either.

Who am I? Who am I now? Jean Valjean. But, you know, who cares? Whatever. You know, the thing is, the most important thing to come out of this is that Hulk Hogan. I'm the one who hates Hulk Hogan news. That's the important thing.

Memorize his voice. Yeah. I'm Dave. I think I'm so great. No,ize his voice. I'm Dave. I think I'm so great. No, I'm... I'm Josh Stubbs. I talk about Canadian things. We got funny-colored money.

That last person was Arsenio Hall. I'm not sure why Graham turned on me like that. I know. That's crazy. Oh, wait. It was Dave. I love dream arguments that are caused from a dream. Have you? My wife recently, I had really bad colds.

I was snoring tons. Yeah. And then she was like, last night you were snoring so bad, the door was moving, opening and shutting. And when you're snoring and i was like impossible i am not fred flintstone i did not make the she's like no the door was moving and i was like that's insane there's no way from the other side of the room i could snore loud enough to move it and i'm like were the drawers coming in and out and they just went on and she was like

no i'm pretty sure you were snoring enough that the door was moving and the light woke me up um and it had to end with me standing in front of the door, blowing on it as hard as I could to prove that you couldn't make the door move. Oh, wow. Have you had that? Because you and Abby have been together a very long time. No, but have you ever been in an argument or something, and you said something, and you're like, oh, no, that's something that was a dream? I don't dream.

Oh, you don't dream? That's right. I have very – I had a dream a couple something that was a dream. I don't dream. Oh, you don't dream, that's right. I have very... I had a dream a couple weeks ago that a zombie grabbed my wiener. That's gotta mean something. But in general, it wasn't scary or anything. It wasn't fun, but it was like, this is trouble. Yeah. Like, I'm gonna move over here.

But, uh... But, like... Most of the time, I... Oh no no the zombie's hand's still on my wiener he's over there but his hand is still on most of the time i don't remember my dreams but i do snoring is a big thing like because if i sleep on my back i'm gonna snore but most of the time i sleep on my side it's just that i've fallen asleep on my back and abby will nudge me and and i'll move boy uh but it's like uh it's a weird thing to have an argument about because people will deny that they snore but they have no idea yeah there's no yeah yeah absolutely you can't know because somebody said you snored you snored yeah end of story uh but it's also like

fine for the plaintiff you can't do anything about it either when you're asleep. No, that's true. Yeah, that's the other part. It's the last time that... Yeah, it's the time you're least able to do anything about it. Yeah. Now, we're right here at the end of the show. And Josh, you're not a touring comedian.

You don't have anything that you want to promote. That's why I'm the perfect Tony Randall. You are the perfect Tony Randall. What would Tony Randall promote? Like at the end of a segment where they'd be like, Al Roker, today, sure, every goddamn day. But Tony Randall, I am doing yet another remounting of The Odd Couple. This time I'm going to be Oscar.

This time it's set in a prison. This time I'm going to be Oscar. This time it's set in a prison. Yeah. Yeah. This time I'm going to be Oscar. I'm the slob. I guess. You can check me out on Twitter. At Josh Stubbs. At Josh Stubbs. Yeah.

Or Facebook or any of those things. The first Facebook celebrity. Josh Stubbs. Stubbsy. Dave, anything to promote? This episode will be out to... No, it's... I mean, the Vancouver

Comedy... or Northwest Comedy Fest is coming up this week. Yeah. Everything that I'm going to see is sold out. Yeah, but a lot of great acts with tickets still on sale, certainly. And you have a thing? Do you have anything? Yeah, you don't care. No, every week I do the Laugh Gallery at Havana.

Five bucks. Great show. Monday night. Cheap. Exactly. And on February 25th is the next Ring-a-Ding-Dong Dandy. There aren't that many days this month. Oh, really?

Yeah, no. How many days? 23 this month? 23 days. Have November. April, June. And whatever. Yeah. many days 23 this month uh 23 days have november april june and whatever yeah um if you like the podcast go over to maximumfund.org check out the blog recap dave uh puts up each and every week pictures and videos that have everything to do with the content of this podcast maybe a

picture of tony randall or video yeah yeah yeah i mean probably like i i could i mean i have all these vicky gabbro tapes upstairs oh we might as well yeah i can digitize them um and for the record i'd like to mention that graham brought up vicky gabbro yeah yeah absolutely you're fine yeah yeah um you're a bullet guy i know if you like the show tell your friends and come back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported