Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 313 - Brent Butt

Episode Date: March 17, 2014

Brent Butt joins us to talk about the worst movies, farmer dating, and pigeons. Make sure to donate at maximumfun.org/donate

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 313 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a friendly neighborhood podcast man, Mr. Dave Schumke. I don't get the reference. Oh, it's a Spice Girls song.

Oh, sure, yeah. Two become one. Yeah. Hi, Graham. Nice to see you. It's nice to see you as well. And this, hey listeners. Hey listeners. It's a big week for us. This is week one of the 2014 MaxFunDrive.

Are you excited? Yeah. Yeah. Turn it all the way up. This is the time of year when we, well, you'll find out. Yeah. Leave them wanting more. We're going to ask you, you know, to pledge to be a part of the MaxFun network.

And when it is MaxFunDrive time, we like to bring out the big guns. Yeah. And so we spared no expense. We flew them in on a Learjet. Learjet. Little brother. What a reference. What's wrong with a Learjet?

I don't know. It just seems like something like, I don't know. It seems a bit old. Like, I could have come up with a better jet. I think Learjet? I don't know. It just seems like something like, I don't know. It seems a bit old. Like, I could have come up with a better jet. I think Learjet's still a thing. All right. It's still a thing, but it's not your go-to. Oh, yeah.

Speaking as a guy who owns a lot of jets, do I have a Learjet? Sure. Is it my go-to? No. Our guest today, star of television, star of stage, and now star of silver screen. Mr. Brent Butt. Hello, everybody. Thanks for being our guest.

You are the first, you guys are my first post-movie star interview. Yes. I did a lot of interviews leading up to the movie being released. Yeah. And in my mind, at that point, I'm not a movie star yet, because the movie hasn't opened. Right. You are now. Now the movie's open.

Have we mentioned the name of the movie? No clue. No clue. Oh, no, I have no idea. Still in theaters in Canada. Yeah, and all across Canada. It's not one of these, hey, me being a movie. This explains the feather boa I'm wearing.

In case you were wondering. I'm now a movie star. It's weird. You had an outdoor feather boa. You took that off. There was an indoor one underneath it. An indoor one. A lighter.

Yeah. The outdoor one's made of tarpaulin. Tarpaulin? Where do you emphasize it? Oh, tarpaulin. Tarpaulin. Yeah. Okay.

Tarpaulin. Tarpaulin. I thought you were allergic to pollen. Oh, tarpaulin. Tarpaulin. Yeah. Okay. Tarpaulin. Tarpaulin. I thought you were allergic to pollen. Oh, absolutely. Hey. This explains why I'm dressed like Carol Channing. That will give your listeners a better reference. It explains the dot on my cheek that I've drawn on.

You look more like... Yeah, you're drawing that on all of a sudden. You look like Madam, the puppet. Yeah, I do. It wasn't what I was going for, but I'll give you, I do look like Madam. I was going for more of a Marilyn Monroe type of thing. I ended up with Madam. Yeah, you get what you get, and you don't get upset.

I've never heard that, but I like it. Is that a line from a song? No, I think it's a thing you say to whiny children. Yeah, the youngest child. I've never heard that. What is it? You get what you get, and you don't get upset? I'm the youngest child. I've never heard that. I'm the youngest child and I didn't hear that ever. I think it's a new thing.

But I was the youngest of seven, so I just heard, shut up. Shut up! Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. What was the other one? You were saying,

you get what you get and shut you were saying? What is it? You get what you get and shut the hell up? How does it go? You get what you get and you don't get upset. What's the other one? Oh, good, better, best? Have you ever

never let it rest until you're good as better and you're better best? No. Yeah, that was one. I think you're making a lot of this up. Yeah, is that...

Ever since you mentioned Lazy Man's Load a couple weeks ago. Lazy Man's Load. You know Lazy Man's Load? No, I've never heard that. That's what my dad used to say. Lazy Man's Load a couple weeks ago. You know Lazy Man's Load? No, I've never heard that. That's what my dad used to say. Lazy Man's Load!

And what is that in reference to? Like you're not pulling your weight? No, no, you carry everything at once. Instead of making two or three trips. Lazy Man's Load. I'm guilty of that. Yeah. Smart Man's Load.

Yeah, lazy. Shmazy. Genius Load. Yeah, more time left for watching TV. You're right. It is an amazing man's load, lazy schmazy yeah genius load yeah more time left for watching you're right it is an amazing man's load i would say yeah i know when i'm done with this i'm gonna go lie down for a while yeah um did your uh did your parents they have any idioms they used to throw your way as a kid um not so, you know, not as such. I remember my mother saying, plain as day, though, a few times,

I got it once. This is the type of thing you only need to get once, and it puts you in your place. And I also heard a couple of my siblings get it. So this was kind of one of my mother's go-to things. Because my parents were very, you know, we grew up very poor. I could tell you a lot of sharecropper stories going on. But, you know, seven kids and my dad, he made like lot of sharecropper stories but you know seven kids and

my dad i'd me made like 130 bucks a month or something you know running the boiler room at the honey plant and so uh the the the thing that wasn't tolerated was uh complaining okay you could you could voice uh your concerns about something or you could explain logically why you wish something was a different way. But just out complaining, that would get you, there would be harsh repercussions. But I remember my mother had this saying, she would say, you got a full belly and a dry bum, what are you complaining about? And it was really like a really, it still kind of chills me a little bit. Yeah.

If I ever think of complaining about something, I can kind of hear my mother saying, you got a full belly and a dry bum. What are you complaining? Cause we do have a pretty good, really in the grand scheme of things. Yeah. Well,

yeah, but my butt soaked. Yeah. You, I'm talking to the wrong guy. You have a soaked ass. But generally, I forgot to eat lunch you're starving and soggy but generally this is good yeah wow it's uh yeah it really boils it down yeah my parents were like my father was 52 when i was born right

so like you know i had you know depression era farm parents like, you know, I had, you know, depression era farm parents. Like, you know. Yeah. You say, boy, I don't want to go to school. It's too cold. I fought Hitler. You can't. Hand to hand combat.

Thumb war. All right. You couldn't complain about anything. You know, badgers ate my daughter. My sister was killed by wolves. You couldn't. You can't. I don't was killed by wolves. You can't... I don't have the latest sneakers. It doesn't hold any water.

Yeah, that's... Your belly's full. Your bum is dry. Hitler's nowhere to be found. As far as we know, Hitler's dead. Although I have some theories. Somebody said on Twitter, I thought this was a very funny tweet. As far as we know, Hitler's dead. Although I have some theories. Somebody said on Twitter, I thought this was a very funny tweet.

Somebody said on Twitter, I can't remember who it was, but they said, say what you want about Hitler, but he killed Hitler. Touche. That's pretty good. That's a lot of funny folks out there on Twitter. Was one of the things, isn't there like, I forget how Hitler killed himself. Shooting or poison. Yeah. But isn't there a thing where... Well, take your poison. He shot a poison pellet into his throat.

He had a poison dart. Wasn't there a thing that like spies had a hollowed out tooth? Yeah. And they would keep a... Cyanide. How do you get at that? Oh, you just really... Because all they had to do was had to bite down on it, right?

Yeah, but like... So throughout the day, you'd have to just order soup. Yeah, exactly. Soup and Slurpees. I don't care if I die. I'm getting the beef dip. I've had it with the Slurpee. That's how you could spot a spy in the 60s.

Just ordering soup. Yeah. And pudding. Nothing with chewing. He's probably a spy. I'll have another milkshake. Yeah. Spy.

For sure. For sure. Spy. Yeah. So what was the deal? Like, if you were caught behind enemy lines Yeah, so you wouldn't I mean, I guess they were like

You're gonna eventually squeal, exactly How quick would you squeal? Yeah Oh, immediately Immediately Like the notion of torture Yeah Like what do you need to know?

Yeah What info are you guys looking for? Long live Stalin I'm one of you now Yeah, yeah, yeah If you need me, I'll be in line for bread Yeah. What info are you guys looking for? Long live Stalin. I'm one of you now. If you need me, I'll be in line for bread. Yeah, I don't think I would hold up well. You never know how you respond, but I don't think I would hold up well. I don't know how they even...

I can't even watch a torture scene in a movie. I kind of get real... Even an erotic movie? Yeah. No, yeah. Even that, where they pour hot candle wax. I'm like... scene in a movie i kind of get real and i even an erotic movie yeah well yeah no yeah even that where they pour hot candle wax i'm like i'd tell you anything i don't know what what qualifies as an erotic movie like i know like filthy porn and then hollywood mainstream i'm trying to give a classy kind of erotic yeah what would be like the... What's that book? The Fifty Shades of Grey. That'll be an erotic movie.

Those are erotic. Yes. That's erotica. And what's his name? It's his own genre. Bruce Willis was in an erotic movie, remember? Everything he does is erotic. Yeah.

I've never seen... He's never made a non-erotic movie in his life. All of Woody Allen's movies are pretty neurotic. Neurotica. No, I guess... Is that a term? I guess an erotic movie would be like nine and a half weeks. Oh, yeah.

That's a good example. Because that's kind of hot to trotsky. Last tango. As we say in the street. Last tango in Paris. Hot to trotsky. A little hot to trotsky. That's how you'd get out of torture in World War II.

Hey, that lady's hot to trotsky. I'm one of you guys. What am I, from Minsk to Pinsk? I remember that from my favorite year. What am I, from Minsk to Pinsk? I know my way around. It's a great... I wouldn't stand up to torture, erotic or otherwise.

I can barely tolerate chatting to you guys. Never mind having my fingernails pulled out. Oh, yeah. tolerate chatting to you guys never mind never mind having my fingernails pulled out oh yeah when you hear there's what is that like uh is that goodfellas or casino where they like torture the guy and joe pesci's giving the like inventory of all the things they did to this guy pulled out his nails we stuck an ice pick in his balls is that the guy with a vice his head in the vice yeah yeah that bothered me to no end, just watching that. I could take a little bit of electrocution, I think. How much?

Like enough just to get rid of some hair? Oh, yeah. Or just like a little bit of, just some, like a joy buzzer. I like a good prank. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think I could take a physical pummeling for a while. I don't. No. But like, you know, like punching. I don't know. I think I could take a physical pummeling for a while. I don't.

But, you know, like punching. I could take that. Do you think so? I'm not looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong. If somebody punched you one time really hard in the face, wouldn't that be enough? Wouldn't you be like, ah, okay. Have you never been punched in the face?

I have, yeah. But not professionally. Not professionally. I've never paid a guy to punch me in the face. Not erotically. But I've been in a few dust-ups. I've had my nose broke a couple of times. I've been punched pretty solid.

And it's not something you look... I wouldn't go out of my way to have it happen again. But of the tortures... Of all the torturous things, that's the most straight-ahead meat and potatoes. I could maybe roll with this for a while what about like um but when you get into anything you know what about psychological keeping you awake like uh i don't know how i would respond to that i would respond poorly playing heavy metal music i don't know what you can barely stay awake for the interview

he thinks we're torturing him right now interview he thinks we're torturing him right now not being tortured um now it doesn't even realize he tortures people that's how out of the loop he is that's how good a torturer he is yeah it's like a name shunka by the way i i still i want to get to the bottom of this why Why my autocorrect, it would, Brooke know Shumka. It would have nothing to do with Shumka. Changed it to Shumka with an N. Why is that better? I don't know.

Shumka. It was like, oh, you probably mean Shumka. You probably mean this word that doesn't exist. Why is that any better than Shumka? Do you have Automatopeia autocorrect? Automatopeia correct. Yeah, just change it to zip and pow. Whatever I try. Woosh. Automanapia autocorrect? Automanapia correct. Yeah, I just changed it to zip and pow.

Whenever I try, whoosh. Whenever I type in it, it comes up with some Batman sound effect. Yeah, Shunka, I think, is like the sound of, you know, a pressurized door closing. Shunka. Yeah, but it was all happy as a lark. Oh, this guy, he probably means Shunka. Oh, your phone was happy?

He typed Shunka like an idiot. I'll fix it for him he's a good guy treats me nice keeps me in his pocket all toasty well that's uh you wrote that to me and then i that in the interim i tried to write the word kardashian and my phone said like changed it to fashion jars which fashion is a thing and jars are a thing. I believe the Kardashians are fashion jars. I think that's the best way you could describe the Kardashians. A bunch of fashion jars. A load of fashion jars.

Empty. Right? Screwed up. Contained nothing. Screwed up. Fragile. When I think fashion jar, like I think of fashion that comes in a jar but i don't think any does but there are those pantyhose that come in eggs yeah we might we might be onto something

with the fashion jar so it's just uh you and it's pressurized of course yeah as soon as you open it and then it just uh launches oh you point it at your face. Like the makeup gun. Like the makeup gun. No, but here's what it is. This is going to sweep the nation. This is going to be all the rage three years from now when some entrepreneurial geek who's listening to this runs with our idea because we're too slack to do anything about it. Yeah, why not us? It's going to involve paperwork.

God knows what else. Oh, that's worse than torture. But there are going to be fashion jar parties. And so you... You bring your own jar. Yeah. Or you show up and there are a number of jars. Oh.

And you open your pressurized jar. Shunka. Yeah. And there's going to be... Now, you have to wear whatever's inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know if it's an Elvis costume or a hillbilly gym. You don't know what it's going to be.

Now, hillbilly gym, for any of the listeners who don't know, that's an overalls with one overall, one strap undone. Only one strap. Yeah. Operable. Are they pre-assigned when you get to the party or is it like a big, like a crazy swingers key party? Where you don't know who you're going to hit the sack with

so you just grab a key? You know how there's those crazy... Are you guys not from the early 70s? We were big-eyed stormers. It's more of a fob party what we do. A fob party. You just get access to somebody's building.

You just get a key and you just get a car, a building. Just a piece of paper with a code on it. I think people probably do that now. 4-3-3-2. Bob parties? Or like, you know, put your cell phone in. Oh, weird. Yeah.

And then you call. Wait, how would that work? You just grab a cell phone. And you're like, who's, what's the code on this? I'm going to have sex with your phone. Hope you don't mind. You know those Christmas parties where it's like... Everybody throws a wreath in them.

The elephant. White elephant? Yeah, white elephant party where you pick a gift, and then the next person can either open another gift or steal yours. Right. And then the same gift can get stolen a bunch of times. They should do that with key parties. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like, I got your wife. Or do I have this guy's wife? This wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or do I pick another set of keys? Yeah. Do I go for a posse? But the thing is, also, like, you, I would be the dud.

My fear would be at that party i would be like everybody's passing the key around i don't want to end up saddled with this dude right yeah that's why you wear something it's like getting picked last and you know basketball or something but that's why you wear a jacket and a vest and then if you get picked last you just take off the jacket and pretend you're a waiter that's the party yeah planning to fail yeah i like your your well-prepared for failure yeah this is gonna go sideways how can i get out of this are you imagine i wear a vest the party already has a bunch of waiters or are you just yeah you're just suddenly a waiter and you walk around with a kid's frisbee. Champagne.

He just heads to the back door. Taco meat. Keep walking. I see. That's foolproof. I look at this as... Can I get my keys back? This is foolproof. Yeah.

There's not a scenario I don't go into without a loser's plan. Anyway, when do we start recording? No, no, no. This one's too dangerous, guys. So, like you were saying, we're now in a post-movie star. You made a movie. I did. And it's on screens.

Dave and I went and saw it yesterday. Not the worst movie you ever saw, right? Not even close. What is the worst movie? Yeah. Star Crash. Have you ever seen Star Crash? No.

Too bad. Sounds too bad. Here's how bad Star Crash is. Sounds really good, actually. This gives you a sense of how bad Star Crash is. One time, my buddy Colin Olexen, who I grew up with. And he and I did a, he was the guy I published that comic book with, we've talked about before, Existing Earth.

Which makes an appearance in the movie. So one time, Colin and I, we would go for coffee when we were in our late teens. And he would always have some, whenever I would show up, he would have some topic like loaded up. Right. In his topic cannon. When I sit down, he would say, you know,

what do you think Walter Cronkite wears when he, you know, he would have this kind of, he would have a loaded up question, right? So one time I plopped down for coffee and Colin says to me, what's the worst movie that's ever been made? And I said to him,

star crash. And he's, his jaw dropped and he said, oh my God, that's what I think is the worst movie that's ever been made? And I said to him, Star Crash. And his jaw dropped and he said, oh, my God, that's what I think is the worst movie ever. I didn't think anybody had ever seen Star Crash. It's so bad that just as a reference, you know, what's the worst movie ever made? Star Crash. And that's the one he had in his mind. That's amazing.

It stars, well, it starts off great. Stars a young David Hasselhoff. Wow. And it's obviously hot on the heels of the success of Star Wars, right? It's that whole, we need to make a... Some sort of alien. Yeah, some sort of fighting spaceship movie with robots. And it is... By somebody who hasn't seen Star Wars, most likely.

But it's... Looking at the poster. We can write, I can write this. It's beyond your normal kind of hellacious that you might see with a terrible movie. And it gets into that real sweet spot where you can't stop watching it. Terrible special effects. The robot has a southern accent. The stars are like Christmas lights.

They're like different colored. At one point, a ship goes by, and you see the stick that it's on. It doesn't get any worse slash better than Star Crash. And I don't know. I wonder if it's available on YouTube, Star Crash. I've never thought to look it up. I bet you.

Yeah, if it's that bad, has to be uh still making rounds what do you think dave worst movie that you've seen like i don't like not seeking out has spurred us talking about the worst movies ever you started it yes it's not the worst comfortable with it like you started one sentence into the conversation about i'm not blaming i'm just saying i'm not comfortable i don't know because there are good bad movies. Yeah, there's good bad movies

and then there's movies that you seek out because I would go try to find Star Crash because- That's why we went to see No Clue yesterday. See,

I didn't like how this is shaping up at all. I felt too vulnerable from the get-go. I think one of the worst movie experiences I've ever had was when I was a kid. This was me learning, you know, like there's different points you learn that life's just not fair. It's just not fair.

So, you know, like. Well, your belly's full. Yeah. My bottom was dry at the time. We went to go to the movies and you didn't get to go to the movies often. Like, it was a real special treat. The talkies. Yeah.

So we went to go see. I can't remember what movie we were supposed to see. But it was sold out. And it was just, I couldn't. Like, in my head, I was like, what do you mean? What do we do? I was told. my head i was like what do you mean what i was told yeah yeah and so the my friend's mom said like well you know we can go see something else that's starting soon yeah and the only movie that

we were allowed into uh ratings wise was the rodney dangerfield film ladybugs yeah so which never even heard of that we talked about it a couple weeks ago i think uh probably uh rodney dangerfield plays a soccer coach with jack a yeah that's right with jack a and the kids seen everything by jack a uh what's the jonathan brandis he's a kid that has uh rest in peace he has to play a woman here he has to dress up like a girl he's a ringer yeah yeah he plays on their soccer team he's a boy with a wig with a wig on a girl's soccer team and it's just the craziest shittiest but i had a good message about how boys are inherently better than girls yeah at everything and it was just, you know how Rodney Dangerfield doesn't act in a

movie, he just does stand-up. They just write scenes around his stand-up act. A bunch of glib comments about things. Yeah. It was just a team of little girls. And he's like, I tell you. Yeah. He's like roasting the girls. Yeah. Hey, what did you learn

to play sucker? You think you're excited? I just bought a new car. And then off of like eight car girls. Yeah. Hey, what did you learn to play sucker? You think you're excited? I just bought a new car. And then off of like eight car jokes. Yeah. I would look up that now. Yeah. You know, it's a must see in the bad movie category. It's really bad.

But I remember feeling so disappointed just sitting there in the theater, just like, oh, whatever I wanted to see. So what year would this have been? That would have been. Because sometimes I forget how much older I am than everybody around 1990 ish yeah i would say yeah yeah nine yeah like still still couldn't get into a pg-13 obviously so right or 14 years as we have in canada or maybe it was different in alberta yeah we had pg-13 oh it must be nice oh it was all the eroticism early eroticism but neurotic what about you dave um it's an adult like the only time i've ever seen a movie uh and it's

it happened in the span that the show's been going on because i talked about it on the show it was a movie called sucker punch oh yeah it was the only time I've seen a movie in the theater that I was like, oh, I want to go home. Yeah. Like, I want to leave. It's bad. Really? I remember seeing the trailer for it.

Yeah. It looked very comic book-ish. It is. It intrigued me because it looked like a comic book. The guy who made 300? Yeah. And Watchmen? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It had the right ingredients. But yeah, no, it's just... What's wrong about it? What does it make it so horrible? Is it a terrible story? It's a terrible... The main point is that it's like these metaphors where like...

You lost me already. I'm drifting away. There's these scenes where they're there in this. It's it's they're in an orphanage, but then they're suddenly they're not really in an orphanage in the fantasy world. They're in like a dance club, like a little, you know, like a ladies sex club. But I didn't know that was the thing. Ladies sex club. Like if you were walking down the street and you saw like a flashing neon, ladies sex club Like if you were walking down the street And you saw a flashing neon Ladies sex club

I think it's supposed to be like Am I allowed to go in there? Yeah, is that for me? Or should I be working there? Am I banned or am I being targeted? There's one end of the spectrum here And yeah, there's these young ladies Who dance at a club

And they, you know, have sex with men. Yeah. It takes place in the fantasy in the 40s or something. Yeah, that's right. It's very like, what? Oh, so many elements. And they have like five, you know, a list of five challenges they need to do. Like five, you know, we need to get the key.

Okay, to get the key, we need to distract them. Distract them with your dancing. And one of them, the one who's apparently she's the best dancer. She's the best distractor. Anytime she starts to dance, like, you barely see any movement from her, and then it like, transports. They never show

the dance. It transports into a battle scene, where the dance is now a metaphor, or the battle's now a metaphor for the dance, and then they're fighting robot Nazis. And it's just, I just want to see the dance. I just want the dance. It is really.

It's like it has all the pieces of what would be. I think it was filmed here. Yeah, that would make sense. This is where most of your robot Nazis are. It's a real hotbed of robot Nazis. It's an industry. Well, that's the mayor we voted for. Yeah. What are you going to do?

Mike Lanes and robot Nazis. That's what we got. And chicken. You can raise chickens. Yeah, we're... Why is that an issue in 2014? That's what I don't get. Well, because everything old is new again.

Strange issues in Vancouver politics. Is it an issue... Are people mad about it? Well, there was a is new again. Strange issues in Vancouver politics. Is it an issue? Are people mad about it? Well, there was a big to-do. Like, we should be able to raise chickens in our yard. But then has anyone done it? Yeah. So there's people doing it.

There's like four people doing it. But it became an issue. They had to pass laws. Because reasonably, no, you can't have chickens in your backyard. To me, that's reasonable. Why? Because they're a bunch of chickens and you're in a city and it's 2014. That's why.

Right? Yeah. This makes perfect sense to me. The no, you can't raise chickens. But there's a group of people, and I don't know for the life of me who the hell they are. They don't like buying eggs. They're like, I want to be able to make my own pillows. I don't know what their point is.

I like chicken. I enjoy eating chicken, but what I miss is the stench and noise. Like the incessant clucking and the chicken shit stench. Why am I not allowed to have that? Having to, you know, what do you build a cage for them? Do you have to keep raccoons out and dogs? Coyotes. Yeah, but you're right.

Like the fact that that was something that made it all the way to city hall. You have to make it teen proof. Yeah. Because right away, you know, we used to raid gardens when people just had carrots. Never mind a chicken. Yeah, yeah. Oh, if you could, oh man, if you showed up to a house party with a chicken. Well, you're going to have to protect the teens from the chickens because they're a bad influence.

That's right. That's an issue in 2014 politics in Vancouver, 2014. Well, we've got a lot of, you know because can this be a garden should we have a bicycle there's a lot of that kind of that's our are you gonna eat that that was on the last that would be my mayor's slogan little button button around uh now uh before the podcast, you had mentioned that you had a story involving a dog, some sort of dog fight. This very day, yeah. I'm still jacked up about this.

We talked for half an hour about show business. Yeah. And super, like, exciting. You made a movie and stuff. And then now that the show's on. We got off my movie really quickly. We'll get back on. We'll get back on my movie.

Absolutely. Somehow. Yeah, just this very day. So I take my dog, Oliver, to a dog park every day. Pretty much every day. And he's got his, you know, there's a bunch of goofy buddies there. And they jerk around. They wrestle and stuff.

They're dogs as well? They're also dogs. One of them's a bunch of goofy buddies there, and they jerk around. They wrestle and stuff. They're dogs as well? They're also dogs. One of them is a guy named Darren. He seems a little suspect. We keep our eye on him. Keep him away from the chickens. He just runs around with a dog. I'll give him this.

He barks. That's the only sound I've ever heard him make. So he's playing ball. That's the only sound I've ever heard him make. So he's playing ball. But anyways, I go to the dog park every day, and it's generally the same load of customers, right? But anyway, today there was a new dog there. Seemed like a nice enough dog.

Quite large. Like my dog, Oliver, is 75 pounds. This dog was half again his size, for sure. And what is Oliver? He's a mix of who knows what. We think maybe there's Irish Wolfhound in him. Wolfhound, yeah. He's got the wiery hair. He's got the whiskery face.

Like a dog. Like a dog. His hair, it's not a skinless bone face like most dogs have. Skeletor face. He has hair on his face. No, but he's got a long beard. I'm talking to Graham Clark And Shumka's got the beard going on

I'm the only clean shaven one of them I can't even picture you with a beard I'm the only one who gives a damn Have you ever had a beard? No, I don't know that I could even grow one I don't believe that for a second I'll try Okay, yes

At the dog park Yeah, I was trying it So at the dog park today This other big dog He looks like he's maybe a golden lab shepherd Kind of a cross right So my dog Oliver Is wrestling with his buddy Otis

Who is a Coonhound Great Dane Cross Sounds beautiful Sizable dog Maybe 95 pounds Oliver's 75 So this is like two humans fighting So this other dog comes around Sounds beautiful. Sizable dog. Maybe 95 pounds over 75. So this is like two humans fighting. Yeah, so they wrestle around.

So this other dog comes around. He's probably 90, 95 pounds. Do you know the weight of every dog? You know, I assess threats. I'm like Jason Bourne. I know how far you can run before you get winded. I'm like that guy. Basically, I'm a train killer. Half a block.

I got winded coming down the stairs to this. So anyway, Otis and Oliver are wrestling, as they're prone to do quite often. This other dog horns in. I don't know if he's uncomfortable with the fact that two other dogs are wrestling. And he decides to hump my dog, Oliver, as a show of dominance, I guess, is what they do.

Yeah. And Oliver does not respond well to this, which he should because he's a notorious humper himself. Right. He should be right into this. He should at least roll with it and go, oh, now I'm getting it now. Yeah. Right? I get what I get and I don't get upset.

Yeah, but he gets very upset. He's never heard this phrase. I blame myself. I never taught him this lesson. He gets very upset very quickly. There's no escalation. It's like it goes from zero to white hot rage in a second. And he and this dog are fangs bared going at each other.

So now Oliver's buddy Otisis, comes into it too. Whoa. And goes after the other dog. So now, but I got to tell you, I'm quite impressed with myself today. Yeah. Even, you know, people at the dog park were like, wow, how did he do that?

So I grab Otis first by the collar. Yeah. And now Oliver's going after the other dog. I grab Oliver by the collar. I got the two of them, 95 and 75 pounds. They're both trying to get after the other dog. I grab Oliver by the collar. I got the two of them, 95 and 75 pounds. They're both trying to get at the other dog. So what we're looking at here is 170 pounds. I'm no good at math.

I'm a brute. I'm just a sheer strength brute. If you were sizing up what you were holding. I always tell people, I don't know. How? I don't know if something's 5 pounds, 100 pounds. I can't tell. But you can

These are two That's all you're talking about That's just visually I'm just looking at them I guess he's about 75 I know from taking Oliver to the vet he's 75 pounds

So anyway So I got Otis and I got Oliver And they're going crazy And they're trying to get at the big dog And I'm pulling them back Now the big dog's

trying to get at them So I'm standing on one leg And I'm using my other leg to hold the other dog back. Wow. Right? And I was doing like the whole, you know, like I'm BJ Penn. I'm like a crazy mixed martial artist with my balance. I'm like Batman.

I'm holding these two brutish dogs back, bouncing on one leg, holding a third dog back. Wow. And then, so then I had to make this decision this i've never been in this situation before the dog i was holding back with my foot the antagonist in the story uh-huh yeah uh makes his way around he gets around my foot and he's coming after my dog now who i'm holding his collar but i'm holding his collar so he's vulnerable yeah i have to let him go or he's just going to get i have to allow him go, or he's just going to get, I have to allow him to defend himself. Right, yeah, yeah.

So I make that call. I have to let my dog go so he can fight this other dog. Otherwise, he's just going to be attacked by the dog, right? And then try and regroup. Does this dog's owner react? Yeah, but she's, so she's a woman. She's quite a ways away. She was playing fetch with her dog.

So she was throwing the ball. Oh. And the dog ran and got the ball. And then he saw the wrestling going on. So he came over. So she's 100 yards away. And she's not in proper footwear. She's making her way over.

How long would it take her? How long before she got winded? It seemed like 40 minutes was my guess. Where would you put her weight at? What do you think she was? She was 130, 135. Okay. But, you know, in good shape.

Yeah, yeah. Height, weight proportionate. Yeah. All right. You said you were like BJ Penn. Yeah. When he said that, did you think it was... I thought it was BJ and the Bear.

I thought it was like an old movie actor that I didn't know. Oh, I thought... Anytime you say BJ, I think of BJ and the Bear. That's what you think of when someone says BJ? That's the life I live. BJ Penn, mixed martial artist, he was quite famous for his balance.

If he tried to kick you and you grabbed his leg... You would just stand there? Yeah, oftentimes you think, oh, I got this guy's leg. Now I can lift it up high and he will go to the ground. Well, he just never would. What would you do if he got your nose? He could hop around. That's uncle's MMA.

Drunk uncle MMA. Got your nose. No, but this BJ Penn guy, he would like, it didn't matter where you, you could put his own leg behind his head. He loved it. He got stronger. He was like, yeah, doesn't bother me a bit. Anyway, the long story short i was batman today that's the gist of my story that is amazing as a 47 year old sedentary human i was

quite impressed with my ability to because i kind of spider-man did i kind of had to grab his collar grab his collar up on one leg push the other guy around. They're all fighting around. I was quite impressed with myself. See, you say that, but we saw your film yesterday, and there's a scene where you're in shorts. You got big, big ropey calf muscles. Yeah, I didn't know that I had big calves until... Have you gotten comments on it? Yeah.

I went on a... How's this? Here's a little visual for you. Myself, Mike Wilmott. Yep. And Ron White. Waterslide. What's this?

This would be like 2003. Okay. 2002, 2003. Just for last tour. And we were, you know, we were pretty abusive in terms of what we were ingesting. Yeah. And we decided that hitting the water slide in Saskatoon was the thing that we should do. This is an outdoor dealie or an indoor dealie?

No, it was an indoor dealie. Okay. But yeah, anyway, I didn't realize I had big calves until climbing up the ladder, like Ron White and Mike Wilmot would talk about my calves the whole while. And I remember Ron White in his Texas accent saying, you got calves like a prehistoric predator. Hard not to take it. I chose to take it as a compliment. Yeah, absolutely.

So, Dave, what's going on with you, man? Yeah. Let's get a little Dave coverage. We'll get back to your movie eventually. But I brought it back around. I made a movie. Yeah. Showed off your big calves.

No CG needed. I thought you used a calf double. What's going on with me? One thing I wanted to talk about while Brent was here was a commercial I saw. I was watching a 30 for 30 on TSN. And there was a commercial for a dating service called Farmers Only. Oh, yes. And it's a dating service where the commercial has these cows and they're talking to each other. And the old farmer Dave seems lonely.

Yeah, he really is hanging out too long by are the others like he milks me but then it goes on for a while long after the jug is full yeah and then he's just like yeah that's a big sigh after he's done. Why does he always have a smoke after he milks it? I'm getting uncomfortable with the farmer. And then I took a picture of it because I thought it was the most ridiculous thing. And I posted it on Instagram, farmersonly.com. Sure. City folks wouldn't understand.

dot com. Sure. City folks wouldn't understand. Yeah, I was able to respond with my own picture that had the tag up on it, city folks just don't get it or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Because- They don't cotton to it.

Apparently, you and I became fascinated by this at the same time. So I was on a plane. I was watching the same 30 for 30. Which one was it? On flight. The one I was watching was about the New York Islanders owner. Yeah, yeah. The shifty guy who claimed he was a billionaire.

And no one checked and they let him buy the team? Yeah, and he was saying he said it was easier to talk to Bank into giving me $80 million than it was for my first car loan for $3,000 or whatever. Like the league never checked on him? Because they each thought the other was doing the due diligence, right?

The league thought the team, well, surely the team is checking up on him. And the team thought, well, surely they got Gary Bettman and the guys. Yeah, yeah. Wow. So anyway, he's just adrift along. But yeah, so I became fascinated as well by this ad. And I pulled out my phone because I wanted to get a picture of the ad. I thought I would also Instagram some hilarity.

And so then I come home and I see Schimke has tweeted the picture. But the picture I had also had the tag up, city folks don't get it. They don't reckon. I was able to put it that Dave Schimke is a city folk. He doesn't get it. I absolutely don't get it so i they don't reckon i i was able to put a dave shimka is a city folk he doesn't get it i am i absolutely don't get it it seems like of all the places in the world farmers would need the most help because of course because where are you going to be other farmers have computers sure they do oh yeah oh yeah they need to calculate all the milk yeah they call them milk calculators but they're really computers no my uh

you know i've uh i grew up in farm country northeast saskatchewan a good buddy of mine is um he's uh been farming his whole life and um he's yeah he's like super computer savvy he plays online games with guys all over the world and That's why he can't find a wife. One of many reasons. A litany of reasons. He doesn't leave his house. How are you going to find a wife? The spokespeople for this dating website.

Spokespeople is maybe the wrong term. They just use their images. Is the American Gothic couple. Oh, really? The guy with the pitchfork. They were fine. they were a couple they were father daughter apparently good is in the i mean they're they're models yeah but apparently that's what the artist set out to paint a father and a daughter oh wow because at least that's what the people who corrected my uh instagram all said they're all really because

yeah it doesn't it doesn't come off but if they are a couple they're not a happy couple no i mean it's very sour misery what if you know when someone is goth how come they don't dress like that uh it's a fair point uh well in america they do sure american goth um now you know how when if you're Sure. American goth. Now, you know how when, if you're on... British goth is just vampire, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The difference, goth between England and North America is the difference between being a farmer or one of the undead. Yeah, farmer or Dracula.

Dracula, like vampire farmers. There's your movie. Yeah. It's like a cross between the crow. Well, yeah, they can't get up at the break of dawn. They gotta go. All the crops are failing. You know?

The cows haven't been milked in months. Listen, I would love to get up and milk you, but the sun burns me. Yeah. Blah. Moo. Blah. Moo. Blah.

Blah. Moo. Now, you know how when you're on Facebook, there's just like a silhouette picture before you put up a picture. There's just a gray silhouette. That would be good on the American farmer dating website if it was the bald dude. If you're a dude, it's just that bald dude. And if you're a lady, is she bald too? They're both bald. They're aliens um there were i remember there used to be ads there might still be uh for a dating site um i don't know the precise

name for it cops it was about uh dating cougars oh right and the theme song was like i like cougars you're like cougars, we like cooters. We like cooters? Well, sure. Don't you want to date a cougar too? Date a cougar. Wow. But like the women who are signing up. I don't think they're signing up. I think they're... They're there. They're prowling. I don't know where that comes from.

I guess it's women who are want to want to be thought of as cougars i guess it seems like nobody would be happy in that arrangement pretending to be cougars so your business model is to upset everybody the bank is talking so according to your business plan it's just insult everybody yeah i don't know if we're gonna back this um well that's pretty good yeah um the other thing that is going on with me is i discovered uh a couple of super satisfying things oh like i i really um you like satisfaction i take a lot of satisfaction in some very simple things like uh if you ever are doing something that requires you to be wearing really tight boots all day.

Like, if you ever go skiing or snowboarding or hiking. Yeah. Or ballet. At the end of the day, when I take off my boots and I just peel the sock off the top of my foot and it leaves a little mark i find that to be like the most satisfying thing i gotta go anyways great you guys great old man someday or another thing these are these aren't even my example these are just like things i've always like these are the classics if i ever have like a tiny little hair poking out between my eyebrows i take uh tweezers and i pull it and it goes like if i it's usually like the thickest blackest hair that comes out and i look at it i'm like oh yeah

that's great anyway so those are do you ever do you have any i thought you said you take life or enjoy in the small pleasures these are so pretty grandiose. Do you have anything like that? Do you have a giant black hair between your eyes? Yeah, do I? I'm sure I do. It doesn't seem that way until I pull it out. It's just the tiniest little bit and then... I don't know. I mean, yeah, I probably do.

I haven't taken inventory. That's my problem. Yeah, well, you didn't know I would be talking about this. No. This is a small pleasure that I'm aware of, that I have in my life. If I've had a terrific meal, like today, I had a burger that I really liked. And then after dinner, Nancy had these little chocolates. And she said, you want one of these chocolates?

No, I said, because I want to continue savoring the meal that I've just enjoyed. And chocolate would somehow get in the way of that. It would take over and become a new flavor. And I want this. It was a really good burger, and I wanted to enjoy the taste of the burger for a while. That's pretty good. I didn't want to shift gears. And it's like I can really take pleasure in savoring the flavor.

Most of my pleasure in life are food-related. As a food abuser. Food or booze-related. I get the pleasure of... If you ever go to Dairy Queen and get a dip cone, you can just eat it right away. Or you can wait a little bit for it to harden and you get that real crackle. It's worth it. It's worth the wait.

But anyway... Take an extra minute. I have two new simple pleasures in my life. Oh, this is exciting. We should start a full-blown inventory. This is a great segment because now my brain is becoming overwhelmed with pleasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm very interested. And you could have a whole little theme, simple pleasures. All right. That's it there.

Let me do it better than that before we... All right. Oh, right now? Yep. Two, three, four. Simple pleasures. That's it.

All right. You can layer that. Yeah, I'll see if I can add a backing track in time. Now, okay. Simple pleasure. Here's the first one. I grind my teeth and I just got a night guard.

I saw that on Instagram. I got the doctor, the dentist told me I have sleep chomps. Sleep chomps. Yeah. I don't believe he's a medical man. He said you got a sleep chomps. And he. And he... Did he have an LA Kings hat?

Yeah. It was E-Z-E. No, what happened is all my dentists are females. There's not a man in that office. But I... So they put this sort of like, I don't know what it is, rubber cement. Probably just rubber, right? Whatever the mold is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To take the mold. Penicillin. And they, it's this goo and they put it in a little tray and they put it in your mouth and it conforms to your teeth and it hardens in like a minute. mouth and it conforms to your teeth and it hardens in like a minute and when they pull it out there's this suction that happens with your teeth it feels like they're pulling your teeth out but they're not oh it feels good pretty satisfying oh that's one that's a complicated one that's a once in a lifetime oh it's an expensive one every wednesday and get that i don't know i might i might uh lose my uh night guard and get it done again yeah And burn the clinic down to the ground that has the...

Won't they have it on file? Won't they keep the mold? Or do they just throw them out? Oh, no. I think your teeth change over a couple weeks. Can you imagine finding the garbage can with all the discarded molds? Oh, yeah. You could commit...

Does MP Brad Butt have anything to say about the garbage cans full of... I've personally witnessed homeless people pulling out dental records. No, I have not. In hindsight, I've never once seen that. I'm not sure why. My other satisfaction,

it wasn't even my own satisfaction, but I just saw it and I was like, yeah, it's beautiful. Two people having sex wow they all look like people what a world having such a terrific time uh you know how i don't blame either of them on this is on busy street corners there are uh designated posts where you put you know posters for like a concert or whatever. And then once a week, I guess, a guy comes around and takes them all off and then they start again.

Yeah. I saw the guy taking them off and he sliced it down right down the middle, pulled all a week's worth of posters, all like 360 degrees of posters all in one pull yeah it was a beautiful because you're you're garbaging people's dreams yeah it would be hugely satisfying to just go sorry everybody yeah suck it guitar lessons the dream is dead wow yeah that would be pretty satisfying i mean i wish I mean I don't want to do it I want to do it once

I want to see the guy slicing it and then say hey do you mind if I can I give it a yank yeah it would be like

five dollars everybody wants to do this so this has been simple pleasures nice well done simple pleasures what's up with you, my friend?

You know, not a ton of things, but... Well, okay, two things. There's two things that happened today. Today. Today? Fresh. This better not be my dog fight story. So I'm standing there like a BJ and the Bear fighting out these dogs.

He's fighting dogs. Mixed martial arts fight against three dogs. these dogs fighting dogs mixed martial arts fight against three dogs i uh the first thing is uh i was at a dollar store today and uh trying to get pants seven dollars trying to return pants so i saw a thing today and it reminded me of another thing the woman uh you know say like she's like 26 and uh she had she walked in she had a bike helmet on and she took off the bike helmet and used a dollar store brush to brush her hair and i he reminded me of the old mentos commercials like she forgot she was supposed to meet somebody or she was late or whatever. And she saw the dollar store.

Go in there and put on some makeup. The owner is like just smiles and shakes his head. Oh, you. The great thing about the dollar store is that you can probably also get Mentos. Yeah. Yeah. But they'd be off-brand Montos. Monties.

30 years old. Chacos. Did she buy the brush? No, no. No, no, no, yeah. She ducked in. Do you have testers? Do you have a tester brush?

No, no. They were just because it's a dollar store. They're not in packages or anything. They're just hanging willy-nilly brushes everywhere. Maybe she does that every morning. Maybe she works at the dollar store. She's got a toothbrush. Do-do-ly-doo.

So I admired her moxie. And then... Her mento. I admire your mentos, lady. That's what you should say. You see somebody wriggle out of a situation. She's got a lot of mentos. Look at the size of the mentos on her.

She doesn't care who shakes her head. It doesn't matter what comes. Fresh goes better with life. Is that what those are? Yeah. And Mentos, fresh and full of life. It was loosely translated from, I think, a German ad, maybe. We are the greatest race.

That was the initial gist of the Mentos. We are the greatest race. And then it became... Strong like our teeth. That was the initial gist of the Mentos. We are the greatest race. And then it became... Strong like our teeth. All the German spies... Rules do not apply to us. Had a hollowed out tooth with a Mentos in it. In case they needed fresh breath.

Or inspiration to. And Mentos, did you ever not finish a pack in 30 seconds? No. I never purchased a package of Mentos. The mint ones. Mentos are like a mythical thing that only exists in TV ads. Really? Yeah.

I've never touched or seen a Mentos. They were hugely popular after that series of ads. That everyone made fun of. Are these the things that you dump into the Pepsi and they become a rocket or whatever? Yeah, Diet Coke and Mentos. Mentos has had a lot of success despite not being very tasty as a snack. What's the chemistry behind the giant explosion? What are you asking?

I'm just curious because they seem like two harmless things. But why are you asking us? You seem like a couple of bright eggs. Listen, you are the two smartest people I know. I'm not proud of this. I wish it was otherwise. Nobody is sadder about this than me. But you're the two smartest people I know.

The Coke is already fizzy. I don't think fizzy is a scientific term. It angers the fizz. But it is something to do because it's not Coke. It's specifically Diet Coke. Yeah. It must be the aspartame. It's something to do with the aspartame.

Because I watched it on Mythbusters. The carbonation level in Diet Coke is higher than in regular Coke. So it's a different... that's part of the reaction. What the reaction is, I don't know. I can't speak to that. But that was the first great thing today. The other thing was, this doesn't start out as great, but it ends well. You've had a lot of stories lately that are like, the baby's all right, don't worry. Yeah. So I was walking to lunch and there was a pigeon on the ground that his head had been ripped off.

Or had fallen off. I don't know that it was ripped off. Was it all there together? No, the body was there. The head was absent. Yeah. Okay. So what you could have said is that there was a pigeon there whose head was ripped off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a pigeon body whose head was ripped off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a pigeon body. Oh, a headless pigeon body on the ground. And I walked past it. It was gross. And then my friend texted me and said, hey, what's going on? And I said, oh, I just walked by a pigeon that had its head ripped off. And she was like, oh, send me a picture.

I was like, no way. I'm not going to do that. That's disgusting. She was like, no, send me a picture i was like i sent it no way i'm not gonna do that that's disgusting she's like no send me a picture so then i'm a weird goth yeah so i walked back to it and took a picture i was like this is innocent enough but uh because right yeah because i work at yourself i'm working at the cbc they were doing like one of the and and you know the on the street where they do the filming the reporter and i was in the background of the shot taking a picture of this crazy creep in the background i thought you were gonna say that they were doing a human interest story oh yeah and they were like uh yeah hey you look crazy or like that thing the last thing they do in the news where it's like, we discovered a headless pigeon.

And then we showed it to a bunch of kids. So, yeah. So, I mean, I'm sure they didn't use that take. I don't know that it wasn't live. But they were doing the segment. And they were down on the street. And I could tell I was lying right in the shot. Taking a picture of a dead pigeon.

How does that happen, though? The pigeon's head. Crows, I assume. Or a cat. A cat would do that, right? Just take the head. Downtown cat? Just take the head.

Like all the juicy bits. Downtown cat. Like when you go to KFC, you don't say, give me the head, right? All the best bits are non-head related. I know, but if you're a... They take the head and the feet and put them in the garbage. Yeah. And the rest is...

That's where the magic happens. After I found all those teeth, guess what my next stop was? I made some crazy sculptures. There's loads of coyotes in the city. Yeah, but not... But they wouldn't just take the head. I think of crow. This smacks of voodoo to me. Oh, but not... But they wouldn't just take the head? I think a crow. This smacks of voodoo to me.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true. You know how that's my go-to for everything? I wonder, though, because it didn't look... It looked like it had been, like... Like, it didn't look like it had just been beheaded. It looked like it had been attacked and chewed as well. Yeah, crows.

Yeah, do you think crows? I think a crow would rip a head off. And yeah. And a crow's not going to be able to carry the whole body. Just take the head. Munch on it later. Wear it like a hat. Eat the brains. Gain its knowledge. Yeah, try to get in with the pigeons wearing the pigeon head.

Yeah. So what's the... I mean, coo. Well, you guys are going to top that. I mean, coo. That's great. Should we pause for a bit of business, talk about the pledge drive? Let's do it.

Now, it's time for all the news that you need to know about the MaxFun Pledge Drive. The MaxFun Drive, as some people may call it. but the Max Fun Pledge Drive, the Max Fun Drive, as some people may call it. Now, you may ask yourself, if you're new to the podcast, and you've never been around during this season, what is the Max Fun Drive? How does it work? And it's our annual push to get new members to pledge every month, or existing members to upgrade their pledge, if they're so inclined or can afford.

The Maximum Fun Network, of which we are a part, and the many, many podcasts that are also a part, it's all supported by donors. People who listen to the shows, love the shows, and consider the fact that, oh, I listen to hours and hours of these shows every year. It might be nice. It might make me feel good to support them out of my pocket. Yeah, and there's all these different levels you can support us at. You can go all the way from $5 a month all the way up to $100 a month or $200 a month

if you're one of those Richie Richertons that we've heard so much about in the press. Top hats. If you're in the 1%. Yeah, exactly. But you know what? At every level, there's pledge gifts for you, starting with the— Well, yeah, here's what you can get. If it's not—you know, there's stuff in it for you to donate.

You don't just have to, you know, feel great about supporting something you like. So, like, all donors across the board get bonus content. Yes. Which means... And also thank you to all the people who are already donors. Oh, yes. You guys are amazing, and we really do appreciate... We appreciate that people listen to the show, much less pledge to keep it going.

And we want, here on the podcast, we want Max Fun to feel like we're worthwhile keeping around. Yeah, we want to feel like we're pulling our weight around the office. Yeah, so when... We're not just the dumb Canadians. When you pledge, tell... Put the hayseeds from Canada. Tell them that it's because of uh stop podcasting yourself it's uh it's well worth your while it's well worth our while to tell you that it's well worth your while

yeah and uh this works on a lot of levels yeah it's worth two different wiles um and if you if you want to find out more if you without Without listening to us ramble on about it You can go to maxfund.org And click on donate now Everything, all the information is there Now allow us to ramble on about it Yeah, well we're still going to But if you're like, I just gotta

You can skip ahead Yeah, yeah Now that you know that if you go to maximumfund.org Is there a way we can make it so they can't skip ahead? Well, not that I know of Okay think hey come on we fought for these rights i didn't uh now here are the different pledge amounts and what you get with those amounts so for five dollars per month you get all of the exclusive bonus content that comes along with being a MaxFun donor. Bonus episodes of every show in Maximum Fun. Jordan, Jessica,

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a Fibber, McGee, and Molly podcast. Absolutely. For the 21st century. I'm going to open the closet and go find my hat. Oh, no! Clunk, clunk, clunk. Shunka, shunka. Feber, McGee, and shunka. Our bonus episode

this year is Graham and I brought fan favorite, past guest, Aliciaicia tobin over and we played uh a round of trivial pursuit yes and uh no spoilers who won but it wasn't me uh at ten dollars a month you get to be you're in the uh friend of the family category and that gives you all access to the exclusive bonus content everything from this point on so that i don't have to repeat it it's fine you get it right i'll fill them in thanks uh you get an 18 month mini max fun calendar uh which is um i don't know if you saw the

photo that we posted a while back of pictures of Dave and I as cats. But that's what this calendar is. It's all the MaxFun hosts rendered as cats. Finally. It's delightful. All in one spot. It's a matter of giving the people what they want. Yeah.

Absolutely. The demand was such. The wolves were at the door. We're throwing them a bone. So at the $20 per month, you enter the Diamond Friendship Circle. Go on. Which means you get the first two things we've mentioned. The bonus content, the calendar.

There it is. As well as the MaxFun Morning Essentials Kit. Now, what do you need in the morning? Coffee. You need a cup of joe. Shampoo. Soap. No, soap.

Forget shampoo. Soap. You really shouldn't shampoo shampoo every day you need to soap up every day yeah every day um and so uh what you get is the max fun rocket ship mug yeah a half bag of tonks coffee i'm gonna put my soap in that mug no wait cough put the coffee in and uh a bar of stack soap. Now, Tonks Coffee is a subscription coffee service, world-renowned. Yeah. And stack soap is the soap that comes in a shape that you can stack it. Put your old soap. It's fortuitously named. Yeah.

When your old soap gets down to a sliver, your next bar of soap has this little hole that you can put the sliver in. Yeah. Stack soap. This is good thinking. And then at the $35 per month, you get all the stuff mentioned before, as well as a pair of rocket engraved highball glasses. Fun. Drinks. Drinks on me. The $100 per month that you get all that, plus a membership in the Inner Circle, the monthly culture club where someone in the MaxFun family every month will recommend and get you a book or CD or DVD of our choosing.

Yeah, we recommended Jack Handy's book. Yeah, last year. And everyone in the Inner's book yeah last year and everyone in the uh uh inner circle got it last year uh and 200 per month well i mean like if you had 200 per month you just tell us what you want yeah exactly yeah yeah don't be yeah don't be shy a lot of touching come on up and see it but you get uh you get free registration to the boatparty.biz. Yeah. And so, you know, like we say, we would like MaximumFun.org to feel like, hey, these guys worth their weight in gold.

And that's something you can help us with. Yeah, these guys are pulling their weight, which Brent will now estimate for us. Yeah. How much is the weight? I'm guessing you at 182. Oh, bless your heart. I'm guessing you're coming at 177. You're a tall drink of water, aren't you?

What are you, about 5'11"? 5'11", 3 quarters. He drinks a lot of water. That's mostly water weight. But go over to MaximumFun.org. You're very kind. I'm probably closer to 182. I'm closer to... Boom! Go over to to maximum fun.org click on donate and uh we thank you future donors and current donors yeah oh yeah

and those prizes are uh for new donors or uh existing donors who are upgrading yeah um all their game. Upgrading. Yeah. All right. Peace out. Let's do Overheard. All right. Overheard. We always like to start the Overheard with the guest. Would you lead the charge or should we? I'm happy to. Here's my concern about this week's Overheard. Because I knew eventually I would be doing the show again. And I had my eyes and ears open.

Even if it was a matter of taking you hostage, I would be doing this show again. And so I was on high alert. And I had a sweet overheard. And it's my concern is it sounds like I made it up. And I swear by all that's holy.

That's all we need. I swear by all that's holy. We have a we need. Right? That's all we need. I swear by all that's holy. We have a Bible here. I'm in a restaurant in Toronto and I hear a guy behind me. It's a guy and he's talking. He's with three ladies. Ooh. And I don't know why this is.

They were quite animated during the whole time I was eating, and I was with a couple other people. This is the only nugget that my ears pulled out of this. It's like independently of my brain, my ears said, you're going to want to get a load of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy said to the ladies, listen, the first, and this was in response to the ladies being upset about something or they were concerned about something. Three ladies are always concerned. And this was his way of calming them down or getting them to see the light. Yeah.

He said, listen, the first time I posed for Playgirl, my family was really upset. But you can't let that stop you. The first time yeah so multiple times he's posed for play girl yeah the first time i posed for play girl my family was very upset but you can't you can't let that stop you can't let you stop you from posing again i guess so now so the guy was behind me he's giving advice to some ladies i don't advice to some ladies. I don't want to be lucky, Lou. I don't want to stand up and eyeball the guy. Lorenzo Llamas over there. But when we get up to leave, I make sure I look. I'll be damned if he didn't look like the type of guy that would be in Playgirl.

I bet. Oiled up. It was the perfect thing. He was kind of good looking, also kind of douchey. He was like a good looking sleazeball yeah yeah yeah but now that type of guy do you think that the ladies he was saying to the ladies who were also considering posing nude in something that he was giving them the advice i don't even know that it was even related i think he was i get the feeling this guy throws this into any

conversation are we allowed to park here listen i don't know if we could park here. But sometimes he doesn't want us to park here. You know, listen, I had to choose to pose nude for a girly magazine. And did I do that? Yes. Sometimes you've got to take a leap. I get the feeling he brings this up a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The first time I posed for a play. The first time. How many times do you think? Do you think you went back? You can't have a guy back. Do you think he just assumed How many times do you think? Do you think he went back? You can't have a guy back. Do you think he just assumed that, like... Ten times? Do you want me next month?

Yeah. Maybe his first time was a week ago. He's just assuming this will be one of many. Yeah, Playgirl still exists. He had a lot of confidence. He had a lot of confidence, this guy. Does it not exist? I don't even know.

But maybe he came in. He had a beard the first time, and then he comes back. He's got just the mustache. Then he comes back with just a goatee. He's got a bunch of different looks. So this was six or eight months ago. The guy looked like he was right out of the 80s. He had a leather kind of jacket.

He had a curly kind of a perm. He looked like he was... He was like... Picture the guy who's posed for Playgirl multiple times. This is the guy. It's been all messed up. Yeah. Exactly. And he gets...

He's always wet. Yeah. He seemed a little wet. Because he's always had a drink just thrown at him. Moments before you've seen him. And he's uh does he order something 80s at the restaurant lobster servidor baked alaska what are 80s foods definitely definitely baked alaska seems like it's something i feel like baked alaska's like maybe earlier

60s yeah 70s 80s food are there any 80s it's gotta be like turtles yeah is like a 60s food. Yeah, 60s, 70s. 80s food. Are there any 80s foods? It's got to be like... Turtles? Yeah. Bring me a box of turtles. Nachos? Yeah. Bring me a box of turtles.

Something that's been discontinued. I was going to say Crystal Pepsi, but it's 90s. Just something light. I don't want a big meal. Just bring me a box of turtles. Just something light. I don't want a big meal. Just bring me a box of turtles.

Were the 80s like the first time that fancy restaurants served tiny portions? I feel like that was it. Yeah, sushi, I feel, was like a crazy thing to order in the 80s. Give me a sea bass wearing a Miami Vice jacket. With the sleeves pushed down. Dave, do you have an overheard? Stammering. I do. Mine took place at a Safeway.

It was... I have this sort of superpower. I'm always able... Here we go. I'm always able, in spite of myself, to pick the longest line. Oh, yeah. Good for you.

If there's two lines that are the same size, I always manage to take the one that... The slow one. The slow one, yeah. Sure. I'd say 98% of the time that's the case. I'm never trying to. It makes you more patient as a human being, I think. And as we all know, patience is a virtue.

Yeah. Doesn't make you an X-Man, though. Krav Maga is a skill. Mm-hmm. Now, the line I was in was actually really fast until the people right in front of me got up to the front. Until the people right in front of me got up to the front. Because it was a mother in her 50s and a daughter in her 20s. And the daughter kept leaving and getting more stuff.

Oh, brother. Oh, we can get a deal. The worst human. We can get a deal if we get a third one of these. Oh, go grab one. Oh, these were on special. Get more. I hate that person so much. I don't hate often, but I hate that person.

But I've got a cell phone, so I stand there and I look at things. Candy crush? Yeah, I candy crush. I'm crushing on you. And I'm sort of zoning out and uh uh the moment that i start paying attention again uh they're talking about someone who is very cute uh and i didn't catch it uh who it was or someone had just walked by who was very cute and the cashier said to these two women yeah he was cute he looked like he had a perfectly round head like a real charlie brown i didn't know that's what the ladies love

man was his head round i assume now it was a baby but at the time i was like who is this who is this adonis this cue ball ball Adonis. Is Phil Collins in town? Perfectly round head. It may be hotter than I thought it was. Yeah, yeah. This is good news for me. Yeah. I'm going to go home like a million bucks, feeling like a million bucks.

Bob Magazine. The roundest heads in show business. The roundest heads in Canadian comedy. roundest heads in canadian comedy tiger beat tiger beat with tiger williams protractor oh wow yeah you can draw his head with a compass this guy yeah he was awesome oh boy now graham do you have an overheard? Yep. It'd be funny if you didn't. Some weeks it's really listening to everything. And boy, I had to listen to a lot of conversations that went. You had to listen to a lot of conversations to get where you are. Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of dead end stuff this week. People in general up your game, if you would. Yeah. Do you feel like over the six years that we've done this show, people have, and the fact that you are very recognizable, people are onto you and don't, are maybe more guarded around you? Nobody's onto anything.

Everybody's having just as dumb conversations. They're just not as funny as I need them to be to bring it to the show. I don't have that problem because I have kind of a Jason Bourne quality where I blend into a crowd. I'm unrecognizable. He has 11 passports.

Yeah, well... Swiss bank accounts. But I never buy anything. Yeah. Well, you're saving. You're accruing interest. It's the second Jason Bourne reference of this episode.

Yeah, it's more of a callback. Yeah. And there will be another. Trust me. All right. There wasn't only just one. Wasn't that the... There can only be one.

No, wasn't it? There wasn't only... Anyway. Who'd win the fight? Jason Bourne versus Highlander. Oh, boy. Who'd win the fight? Jason Bourne.

Yeah. Because I've seen those movies. I haven't seen Highland. jason born yeah because i've seen those movies i haven't seen howard um but yeah i was sitting with a restaurant and it's like communal communal table oh boy burn it down yeah so it's right next to these two girls and this one girl was going just running at the mouth just just explaining her opinions about every goddamn thing and then she said uh just kind of apropos nothing she said and i know i've got a lot of opinions and i know that i offend people but you know what i get to pick who listens to them and then her friend goes lucky me

that's an awesome over that's like a great that's like a zing overheard yeah it was pretty great oh lucky me i get to pick who listens to them no she didn't she didn't pick you you were listening to her rambling and she was just going on and on about this guy you know it was all about things i don't know is this guy at work and this guy at school yeah i have opinions about shitty people yeah i've got opinions about but you know i I get to pick who hears it. You guys feel that sometimes I feel like I should be more opinionated, right? I go, man, maybe I'm like a bland, obtuse, I got no opinions. But my kind of default is, oh, I don't know everything about this, right? And so I guard myself. You know, I don't want to pontificate about why some guy's an idiot, some politician.

Yeah. Because my fear is somebody's just going to go, but didn't you just hear about the other thing you did? Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and Jesse Thorne, who founded Maximum Fun, he said, I remember he worked very briefly for like a morning radio talk show and uh he said that he could never get into that because you have to have an opinion about everything you have to have a set opinion you don't have to be informed no shrugging allowed but you have to be able to if if somebody comes out in the press and says something about this country, you have to have an opinion about that.

A strong opinion. And it doesn't have to be based in fact or anything like that, but you do have to have an opinion about it. When we were talking about the worst movies we've ever seen, I think until maybe 2008, I liked every movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fun to see a movie. That's how I feel. If I'm in a theater sitting down, it's a big screen.

I've never walked out of a movie. I've had some movies I did not enjoy. But the process of going to a movie, I'm kind of on board. It doesn't matter how stanky this is You never feel awful Having seen a movie

It's something you're doing I kind of enjoy the process of it And there's a bit of magic to making a movie Even the stanky ones are like You know a lot of work When you do it Have you seen Star Crash though? Oh man Don't get me

started oh boy um now we have uh over here always wet always wet moist could have been a playgirl model if he wanted uh now we've got overheards that have been sent into us from uh around the world this is new no no no this has always been um if you want to do the same you can send them into maximum fun or sorry spy at maximum fun.org uh now this first one comes from uh michael m in dallas texas and um movie director michael man yeah Well, you know this guy isn't because he's a zookeeper. He says that very first. He directed Zookeeper. I work as a zookeeper.

Today, as I walked out into the lemur exhibit to give them their food, I overheard this conversation between two girls, both look to be about 10 years old or so. Girl one, whoa, look, he's feeding them. Girl two, that has to be a cool job girl one is that what you want to do when you get older girl two no i want to work at an applebee's first first i want to feed humans then i want to feed lemurs. We're going to weigh up the lemurs. Yeah. Just like, look, I have a very set way that I want things to go. Start feeding things that are not likely to bite you. Yeah. But will, if they get hungry enough.

Because you don't know what's going on. You got a lot of leeway with humans. But the lemurs do not tip well. Yeah, this is true. But, like, just the specificity of Applebee's. She must have had a really great experience at Applebee's. Yeah, she really sees herself there. Have you?

Sees herself. Sees herself. Did we talk about that ever? Like, a job that you assumed was, like, the coolest when you were a little kid? Just because you saw an adult doing it, and you're like, they must be the richest people around. Oh, not richest, but I... Or, like, the coolest. Growing up, I always thought, oh, bus driver must be the richest people oh not richest but i or like the coolest growing up i always thought oh bus driver would be the greatest job and then every other day the

news story is another bus driver has been beaten up yeah yeah it's true but i thought the guy running the rink the skating rink had a pretty good a lot of like you saw him with his feet up a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty cushy gig. Yeah, he's picking the tunes. Spanish fleet. As many times a day as you want. Zamboni access. Yeah, he's down on the ice whenever he wants. All that snow behind the rink.

He's got a ton of rink rats, like I was a rink rat. So you kind of got like a little army of guys who were like go get me a coco right whatever you want he seemed like it was like a mob boss wow yeah actually but see what was his name as you say it still sounds pretty cool yeah it's a pretty good gig i mean you know i don't imagine it pays fat cash but you know all day long kids are bringing his chips and cocoa yeah and you're the coolest guy you're the coolest guy you're the record player um i yeah i thought like kind of uh buskers i thought buskers were like amazing when i was a kid like because you just like you just told everybody hey like everybody it's a former circle around me and then you just

performed and then everybody just cash. That's a real cashy. That's a strictly big city thing. Like, you know, I grew up in a small town. Busking was not a, you know, until I met Joel Wamsley, I didn't know what busking was. You just go out in the street and yell at people to give you money. Yeah. It was, it seemed so.

It's not a small town job. It seems so cool to me when I was a little kid. Yeah. I just thought it was. And now is there anything worse? Than seeing a busker? Yeah. I mean, I guess like a mariachi band in a restaurant.

Oh, no, I still think that'd be cool. People are never happy when you come around if you're in a band in a restaurant. No, it's true. You're always upset when you come in the family. Averting it. Oh, God. You're gay. You're right here on top of us.

Bad enough. I've never had that. Have you ever been in a restaurant that had musicians? I've never. I have. Oh, really? I don't think I have been. I've been in a very small Mexican restaurant.

I've just seen a lot of romantic comics. I had a mariachi band going from table to table. Oh, brother. Abby and I were like, okay, the three tables away, eat as fast as you can. The next overheard comes from Kevin I. in Victoria, home of the Busker Festival. Oh, there is. Oh, yeah. Gross.

This is Kevin from Victoria. I have an overheard for ye. I was in a fabric store. Are you a busker? Yeah, he might be. This whole gig is just talking old English. You throw. All right, someone throw me a skull.

I was in a fabric store getting some iron-on patches to patch up some jeans. I don't know. I included that because I thought it was funny that he wrote that email. And a middle-aged woman in line ahead of me was taking forever at the counter, counting out all of her coins. And while she counted the final change, she marveled at what couldn't have been more than a nickel or a dime and said, Wow, this is from 2012. I think I'll hold on to this one. My goddaughter was born in 2012.

So that's not... Oh, man. What is a god... What is the godfather, godmother, son... I'm a godfather. I can tell you what that's about. Yeah. Congratulations.

Jamie's daughter, Mackenzie, is my goddaughter. What are your responsibilities? The notion is, if something horrendous happens to them, if the parents are, basically, if the parents die, you assume the upbringing of the child. That's the nuts and bolts of it. Yikes-a-daisy. That's a lot. So it's a pretty big, yeah. Yeah, because you're a...

Is it pot, like... Like vice president. Is there any paperwork involved? No. It's just a total kind of, this is the guy. I mean, they write it down. It's written down somewhere. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it's in somebody's will. But it's not, you know, it's not a big... Is it possible you've just been told you're the godfather? And, you know, like 10 other people have also been told? I guess. Yeah. Could be something you just dole out. Yeah, your face definitely changed.

I just realized how easily I've been duped. All I know, it cost me two grand a month. This is all I know. These are all the facts I can tell you. Two grand a month. I just send to her dad. Cash is weird. I don't know.

I'm not religious. i don't know what the church demands um this seems like a shady operation the church do the godfather and godmother have to be married or can you pick a godfather from one couple and a godmother from another that's a premise of a very very sloppy romantic comedy that is literally that's the premise of a very, very sloppy romantic comedy. Literally, that's the premise. Oh, it's a real movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were just making that up. No, no, no.

It's the premise of Star Crash. It might be Katherine Heigl or Jennifer Aniston is the godmother. It could be any movie. And then, you know, somebody else, Jason Bourne is the godfather. I'll try to find him, though find him though yeah well he'll find you um this last one comes from ben d uh bendy like the straw yeah i haven't overseen his last name should be straw that would be awesome i think i think we had ben d have we read it before because i've definitely said the straw thing well Well, that's a good joke.

I've been overseen to report from Art Basel in Miami. So this is a, he's at an art exhibition. Oh, Art Basel. Basel, thank you. I thought Art Basel was like a car dealer. Oh, yeah. Well, nobody beats our prices. I was watching a hip-hop show at an exhibition open in the hipster neighborhood

of winwood and i noticed someone in the front row dancing particularly aggressively it didn't take me long to realize that it was actor david arquette he was wearing a tuxedo and white gloves with the fingers cut off near the end of the last song he pulled out his wallet and made it rain 100 in 20s on the rapper performing and he sent a photo of david arquette at the event to show that he didn't miss see that it was him that sounds about right everything in that story checks so that's like an oversaw yeah overheard yeah sometimes we get these overseens Once in a while we get over dreamt. As we were talking, I remembered another overheard. Hit it.

Is it bad form? No. To do a second overheard? What was our segment that we had earlier in the show? Oh, Simple Pleasures. Simple Pleasures. Simple Pleasures. You know the simple pleasure of doing a double overheard?

Yeah. So one time Nancy and I, we were in, what the hell's the name of the store? HomeSense. Oh, yes. And I don't know what the deal is with HomeSense. It's all like it's kind of stuff. It's homeware. It's winners.

Yeah. It's stuff that couldn't sell elsewhere, right? But for home stuff. And so we were killing time and we wandered in and we were like in a plaza, you know, and we wandered into this place we were like in a plaza, you know, and we wandered into this place, and it was Home Sense, and we're looking around, and we're thinking, you know, everything was like kind of terrible looking. Everything was just, and we're starting to joke about how bad everything looks. And from the other side of the aisle, we hear a guy say to whoever he's with, we hear this

guy go, this place must be the last stop before the dump. It was like the perfect thing, and we just cracked it. It was exactly what we were thinking. This place must be the last stop before the dump. Well, Winners is the same. It's all the same. Winners is like, you know, it's like TJ Maxx or whatever. Same world, because you go to Winners, I know because I've done it. It's like Winners for your, you know, it's like TJ Maxx or whatever. Same world. Because you go to winners.

I know because I've done it. It's like winners for your house. Yeah. Yeah. But you see they're like, white t-shirts. And you're like, I guess I'll buy some white t-shirts. Because they say so. But they only have them in certain sizes and stuff.

They only have one of the packages. Oh, we've got designer brands. Well, you've got you know double xl calvin klein underwear well thanks anyway yeah thanks anyways yeah um it is the last stop before the dump yeah absolutely the guy summed it up cracked us up and just the disdain in his voice well no one wants to be there no everyone's just killing time at that point yeah yeah waiting for tip-top to open so i can go buy a cardigan uh in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us here's the digits 206-339-8328.

Like these people have. Hey, Dan Graham. This is Abdulaziz calling from Victoria with an overbird. I was just in the Lego movie, and before the movie, they had a trailer for the new Disney nature movie, which was Madagascar Island of Lemurs. At the end of the trailer, a title card came up that

said, narrated by Morgan Freeman. This guy that was sitting behind me was like, fucking of course. That guy's digging all the gigs from everybody. Fucking of course. That guy's taking all the gigs from everybody. Fucking of course.

I thought the Home Sense guy had disdain. That's a whole different level of disdain. This guy just hates... But does Morgan Freeman not also narrate the trailer? I don't... I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it either, but if you're making the movie, is that what you do? Or do you get a guy to narrate?

Yeah, you get a second. You get a sound alike. He goes in. He does all the... In a whirl. Yeah, all the jerk, you know, kind of stuff that you don't want. This sounds like I'm shoehorning No Clue into this. But if you watch the trailer for No Clue, the guy, whoever does the voiceover for the No Clue trailer,

the way he says Brent Butt is awesome. It's like, it's so overpronounced. Like, he does not want to screw up this name. So you go like, Brent Butt. Like, it's like, I've never heard, there's got to be like nine T's in my name the way he says it. Brent Butt. So freaky.

I love it. Is there any way you can get that as your phone, as your ringtone? Rinse bus. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and guests. This is, well, possible guests. This is James calling from Richmond, Virginia. I was on my way into work this morning on the highway and doing about, you know, 60,

and some gentleman nearly swerved into my truck, and I, with some evasive maneuvers, got out of his way. But when he almost hit me, I saw him reaching down to pull something off of the floor, and I tried to catch up to him to give him the old what for. And when I pulled back up next to him, it turned out that the item that he needed right on that moment on the highway was a trumpet. Because as I passed him to give him the finger, he was blaring his trumpet while driving. Spanish flea. Everything could come back to Spanish flea. It all comes back. Everything can come back to Spanish flea, ladies and gentlemen.

Herb Alpert. Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, when are you going to practice? You're not going to practice in your apartment. Everybody hates you. Yeah. Do you only need one hand to trumpet? Yep.

Do I only need one? Yes. If you're talking to the average trumpeteer. Do you... Because Louis Armstrong, wouldn't he like sweat? Oh, yeah. Pat his sweat down with one hand? Modern Louis Armstrong would be on his phone.

The other hand. Yeah, that's right. Patting his sweat with his phone. The new Samsung Galaxy mop. Sweat suck app. Yeah, the sweat suck app. The new Samsung Galaxy mop. Sweatsuck app. Yeah.

Sweatsuck app. Yeah, yeah. It's a danger. Phones are dangerous. Trumpets are three times as dangerous. Really? As dangerous as a phone is. Yeah.

Because if an airbag goes off, that trumpet. No, that is true. You're eating that trumpet. That's going right. And then for the rest of your life, you will literally be the teacher from Charlie Brown. Have you guys heard the, you know, there was the urban myth going around with the guy with the pipe, and the airbag went off and it jammed the pipe through the back of his skull? No.

But, like, who? Because that's what you hear, like, you've got to be careful with these airbags, because I heard, like, a guy was, he had a pipe. He was smoking a pipe, and then the airbag went off. Who's smoking a pipe? You're bombing around town. You're going down to get some milk. You've got to fire up your corncob pipe. I'm surprised.

What year did this happen? Because I don't think pipes and airbags cross chronologically. I don't think there was an overlap between the two of them plus it was frosty the snowman the amount of people i see picking their nose while driving i'm surprised there are car accidents that aren't fatal yeah yeah yeah that's true yeah i wonder what it is about the because you you you're aware you're surrounded by glass yeah but it's psychologically psychologically you're like i'm alone yeah i'm just gonna i can speed up some nuggets no one here knows me i'm anonymous i'm a driver it probably has something to do the same psychological effect you know that that uh spurs on road rage when, like, people get so angry in a car when they wouldn't otherwise.

Like, if you, you know, like, if you, like, step in front of somebody at the mall, you know, they just roll with it. Oh, this guy stepped in front of me like a dirt bag. But they don't, you know, they just go about their day. They don't suddenly demand blood, right? Yeah. Like, there's something about people when they're in their car. Yeah. I have been wronged, and any response from my part now is justified.

Yeah. If I pull out a gun, or if I cut you off and haul you out of your car and beat you to death, it's somehow justified. There's something about. I am a lot, like, I'm a lot, I'm not an aggressive driver, but I'm a, like, I swear at other drivers all the time. And I like, I. Nancy's like that. My wife, like, she's, you know, as we go about our day, very, you know, mild mannered, happy-go-lucky. When she gets into a vehicle, everybody is a sausage and an idiot.

Yeah. And then, look at this, a-hole. Sausage? That was actually my sister I was quoting. My sister used to call everybody a sausage when she was driving. That's pretty good. Like a sausage. It's the worst insult she could come up with.

But Nancy was like, immediately, she's like, everybody's a jerk once she gets in the car. I'm a big, like, I don't swear a lot usually, so I'm surprised at the things I come up with while driving. And I'm like, I wonder what this is called. Wow, just butt whistle. Butt whistle. Because he swallowed that trumpet one time that sausage was weird um but whistle yeah we have a third one yeah i lost i lost track you looked like you had a thought yeah no it was it was my thought was let's let's have another. I've never seen Graham have that look. Here's your final overheard of 2014. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests.

This is Julie from Evansville, Indiana, calling with an overheard. This is in the kids say the darndest category. I was just in the grocery checkout line, and there is an adorable little boy. Couldn't have been more than like two, shopping with his grandma. And he was helping her. He had a tiny cart. And he was real smart and talkative, so they were talking. And I started listening because they were talking about how he can't help burping or hiccuping.

And then he started to wander off, and his grandma said, well, get back here. And he goes, I'm going to get some tiny wine. And then she said, no, you can't get tiny wine. Who drinks tiny wine at your house? And then he started telling on his sister. So, yeah, that was pretty funny. Okay, bye-bye. Oh, man, that overheard had me at tiny wine. Yeah, I want that in a t-shirt.

I'm going to get me some tiny wine. What is tiny wine? I don't't know yeah i guess like uh they give you on the plane yeah like a little tiny because sometimes you don't want to get a whole yeah there's some there's some uh horrible backstory to this right yeah yeah yeah the sister's been drinking alcoholism what's going on you know how mommy always hides the tiny wine all over the place tiny wine yeah minibar wine um now uh should we we should mention the the max fun yeah we should because uh we're supposed to we have to we're about my law uh hey guys some of the max fun um now as uh we stated before if you just skipped right to the end of the episode, which who could blame you?

This is where all the juicy stuff tends to happen. Yeah. Max Fun Drive is happening this week and next week. And it's our pledge drive that happens every year. We're trying to get 1,500 new donors this year. Not just to us. I mean, the whole network. Yeah.

Obviously not just us. Oh, have you seen the. I mean, to the whole network. Yeah. Obviously not just us. Oh, have you seen the numbers? Oh, they're not good. Before March 28th. So get in before March 28th, because that's sort of the deadline for getting all these prizes we mentioned earlier. And do it now. Don't put it off and say, yeah, no, you know, I mean to, I will.

Like, really, just go to MaximumFun.org right now if you're at home, if you're near a computer, and just go click on Donate. And, you know, we're looking for the monthly donations, and really, all you can spare is $5 a month. That's amazing. Yeah. But if you can spare $200 a month, that's also amazing. I'm not going to discount how amazing that is. Good for you. There's a famous song about, can you spare a dime, brother?

Or something like that. Yeah, Hulk Hogan sang it. During the Depression, Hulk Hogan sang that. You once I built a railroad. Made it run on sun. Once I fought the Iron Sheep. Survived the camel clutch. Didn't take much. That was a real racist move.

Now, here's the benefits of donating. Our show, the whole network is listener supported. So we're unbeholden to anybody but you, the listener. So it's like you're buying shares, except these shares aren't going to pay you back. But it's kind of like buying shares. Yeah, like most shares. Pay it back in laughs. Now listen, when you pledge, it's important that you tell them that you're pledging on behalf of us,

because we're trying to pull ahead of the others. Yeah, we're very competitive. Yeah, and you know what? If you like two shows on MaximumFun.org, that's great. Say that you're donating on behalf of us. We're looking for numbers here.

You know what? We do this show. The show is free. All the back episodes, every single episode we've ever recorded, all for free. And will be free forever. Yeah, so just think about it that way like not once i buy maximum fun.org which is part of my plan then every my showbiz takeover

uh and so you know uh until brent's diabolical scheme comes to fruition. Malevolent evil cat from Branch Ed. Yeah. Into evil. Stop with the malevolence. Start with some levelence. Some levelence. But yeah, head over to MaximumFun.org right now. Yeah.

Click on Donate. And thank you to all the people who have already donated. We cherish you all. And finally, you know, we've mentioned all the gifts, but do it. It'll make you feel good. Yeah, exactly. If you want to support the thing you like. This is how you do it. This is the new online economy.

Get used to it, Bitcoin. Now, we're at the end of the show. You sounded a bit like Charlie Bronson when you said Bitcoin there. Bitcoin. Like if he was alive making a movie where he was versus Bitcoin, that's what he would be like. Bitcoin. Take this, Bitcoin. Now, speaking of films, and speaking of the end of the show, which I am, plug your film.

How do people see it? Because it's playing in Canada. Well, when's this going to uh so uh i don't know you know it goes week by week so so we had our opening weekend was uh the march 7th weekend for no clue and it did well enough that they extended it for another week right because this doesn't happen often in canada no, Canadian films are usually, they do the opening weekend, and then they yoink. And it's off to Passchendaele. And so... Then you get men with brooms out of there.

Then it's bun cup, bad cup for you. So No Clue did well enough. God bless the nice people who went out and saw it opening weekend. It did well enough that they said, okay, went out and saw it opening weekend it did well enough that uh they said okay let's keep it around another week we held the markets as they say i never heard that term before i'm learning i'm learning the business yeah we held the markets so it's on 16 screens which isn't you know it's not a crazy amount of screens um it's more than more than more than the podcast the movie 13 screens but anyway so it's done well enough so it's

going to go through to you know this through this weekend sunday right so when people are listening to this i don't know if it's been extended again but but it's going to have a life uh on your downloads your vod your itunes your whatever yeah so. So, yeah, in your travels, have you ever come across a movie called No Clue? It's the one with Alicia Silverstone. She's a teenage high school girl. This is clueless. Perhaps you've already seen it. Yeah, so it's No Clue, myself, Amy Smart, David Koechner, and it's a comedic mystery thriller.

It reminds me a lot of Fletch. That was one of my touchstone movies. When I was trying to sell people on the idea of a comedic murder mystery, people, you know, right away they went to it like a spoof. Are you spoofing this? And I was saying, no, it's not a spoof. I said, imagine you've written a murder mystery that isn't funny. Like if you take all the comedy out of this, it still holds water.

It's still an entertaining movie. And then the main character just kind of says funny things. And so Fletch was one of the touchstones that I would use in describing it. It's a touchstone picture. It is. Am I using that wrong? Touchstone. Castle rock. Yeah. and describing it to people. It's a touchstone picture. Am I using that wrong? Castle Rock.

A lot of your mirror backs. I play Rob Reiner. We both saw it yesterday and enjoyed it. What did you like about it? We liked you. Thank God, because I think I'm in every scene. There's a scene in it where you try and do the judo chop thing, and that's hysterical,

because it's something that, from Maxwell Smart forward, it always works in every single movie, even in the funny movies. It worked in Austin Powers, and so it's the first time when it was Sony trying to do the chop. It's obviously something my character has seen in movies. Yeah. And as he's being strangled by a big guy, he tries the karate chop. For the first time.

Three times. Yeah. And can't believe it doesn't work. It's so funny because it is something that I've always wanted to try. No, you can try it on me. But it wouldn't. Oh, well, okay. Yeah.

on me oh but it would oh well okay yeah um and uh yeah it's funny and it's uh and it's amazing that you made a movie it's like so that puts you in the company of very few people on earth ever so me and russell crowe people of that ilk yeah people who made films oh, you'd be a good Noah. Henry Fonda. Myself and Henry Fonda, guys like that. We would make movies. The big two. Filmmakers. Filmmakers. Thank you so much for being a guest again on the show. We would love to have you back again

and again and again. Anytime. Alright, well, see you next week. Next week's episode featuring two back-to-back episodes but i feel as though i feel as though you guys got me um inordinately uh sauced prior to the recording of the show oh really i'm gonna have to go listen to this on monday when it comes out and with an ice bag on your head and x's on your eyes.

I feel like I maybe had more to drink before the show started than I should have. Well, I disagree. I refuse to apologize for this. But I am going to now fist fight both of you. All right. Well, fair is fair. Oh, no, wait. You've been training with dogs.

I'm not going to fight you. No way. What are you, 140 pounds? What are you, 162? You're like BJ Novak. Yeah. I always have a standing invite. I will fist fight BJ Novak anytime he plays.

I don't want to. I have nothing against him. No, but you will. I'm happy to fist fight BJ Novak anytime, anywhere. God damn, you're brave. Bravest guy I know. If I can't beat up BJ Novak, I'm getting out of show business. All right, you heard it here first.

Yeah, why would you even make a film if it's not going to give you a chance to pop BJ Novak one in the mouth? And like I said, I don't want to, but listen, you have to. If I can't take him, what business do you have? What business do I have of being in the business? Head over to MaximumFun.org, click on Donate. Thank you so much everybody for listening and for donating.

And come on back next week for episode two in our series of P-a-thon episodes. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.