Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 320 - Ivan Decker

Episode Date: May 5, 2014

Ivan Decker returns to talk auctions, Alan Thicke, and turn-down service.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 320 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a guy who's just getting his first taste of the summertime living. He was wearing white shoes today, stepping out like an all pro summer star, Mr. Dave Shumka. Well I told you the white shoes with jeans are because today's Jerry Seinfeld's birthday.

And yeah, it's summer. It's not summer, but it's sunny. But it's getting, yeah. The patios are full. People are riding their bikes. I've yet to see them ladies whip out the ditties. I saw a shirtless man on the way here. Oh, that's fun.

Hey, that's fun. Whip out the ditties. Walking across the street, smoking a cigarette. Took, no shirt. Oh, hey. Horrible tattoos. Oh, that's fun. Walking across the street smoking a cigarette. Toque, no shirt. Horrible tattoos. Oh, that's a toque, no shirt. That's like a cartoon character. It's like Jughead. He did get shot and then there was just like he drank water

and then it just came out. Yeah, sure. He kept running until he looked down and then realized the road had run out. All of those things. And that man talking. Yes, is a very funny man, a return guest, a guy we love having on the show, Mr. Ivan Decker. It's so nice to be here. I love being on the show.

Well, it's good to have you back. I saw a guy with one giant dreadlock riding a bicycle. So, yeah. I feel like one giant dreadlock is always by mistake. What does it look like when you cut it in half? What's inside? Oh, like apple filling. There's a lot of cinnamon.

Yeah, it's just like a giant apple turnover. Oh, cool. Oh, it's so gross. There's lines cut in it so you can see the inside. Oh, yeah, like it's like a tree so that you can see how old he is. I always think of the Everlast song. You don't know what it's like a tree so that you can see how old he is. I always think of the Everlast song. You don't know what it's like? Yeah, with the guy,

The hair on his face was all dreadlocked and full of mange. I don't remember that lyric, but I remember it was dreadlocked. I didn't know that was a word, I think. He kind of mumbles that line, so i never knew what he said dreadlock but now that you say it yeah he's a man with a message yeah he's everlast he taught taught us to jump around dreadlock but this guy had a bicycle and a helmet so i don't feel like he was like a you know a hard luck hobo he was just a guy that had one giant how did he fit the helmet over the giant dreadlock it was mostly down the. So maybe it was like a mullet.

Maybe he had it all shaved up top. So he's growing a cape, basically. He's growing a burlap-y cape. That was so gross. When we, Graham and I, were just in, we'll get to know us in a bit, but Graham and I were just in the United States doing live podcasts in Portland and Seattle and Vancouver. podcasts in Portland and Seattle and Vancouver. And on the highway we saw a guy with dreadlocks on a little

not a full motorcycle like a powerful scooter but on a highway and just Like a Vespa? Yeah, maybe a little higher than that. Because Vespas are like 150cc. I don't know. These things don't... It was a bit bigger

than a scooter and it didn't have the place where you put your feet Oh, so his feet were apart. Yeah. They were like... But it was a very tiny little... Yeah. And he had a tiny little helmet with dreadlocks and, like, the goggles you would wear in science class.

Perfect. And just the dreadlocks hitting him in the face in the wind. The goggles are for the dreadlocks, not for the wind. Yeah. Safety first. Oh, shouldlocks, not for the wind. Yeah. Safety first. Oh, should we get to Noah's now? Yep. Get to Noah's.

I've never had dreadlocks. You, Ivan? Have you ever had old... Did you ever flirt with the idea of having a dreadlock? I've had the same haircut my whole life. With the exception of grade 12, I decided to... I want to know what this haircut is. Smoked a lot of pot and just not cut my hair.

And then it grew to like the... Because I have very thin hair and it just became like the Beatles bowl cut. I look like Homer Simpson, you know, in like Homer's in high school. He's a kid. That's like the Homer in high school haircut when he first meets Marge. That's what my hair looked like, except I had glasses and I wore really big sweaters. It was the worst. What do you mean really big sweaters?

Like too big for you? Yeah, like I shopped exclusively at Valley Village and I bought just like ridiculous things. Like I had this sweater that looked like it was made of couch material, and I wore that a lot, and people were like, you're my hero. In my woodworking class, who took me aside and genuinely said, you gotta stop wearing stuff like this. You're not cool. People are making fun of you. I'm like, I don't care. Yeah, what was your scene in high school?

I thought he was going to say, you've got to stop wearing these big sweaters. You're going to get sucked into this drill. Oh, yeah, it was a concern also from the shop teacher. If I actually ever did any work, it would have been more dangerous. So were you chasing like a hippie aesthetic with this long hair and giant sweater? No, like looking back, I just wanted attention. I just wanted to be. These sweaters are

crying for attention that's what it was right i wanted to dress like uh you know uniquely but it just didn't really result in any i don't know like i guess you don't know what you were doing i was never really like i wasn't unpopular in high school but i definitely wasn't popular i was kind of like the uh shapeshifter i just was just kind of molding between all the different... When I was... I think I was around the same time when I discovered, like, secondhand clothing stores, and I was like, I didn't realize that polyester and acrylic, what they were, and that they were bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that they don't breathe, and they didn't breathe on the previous owner, so, like, you're basically wearing a layer of but like it looks cool like hey check out this uh fun old uh bowling shirt yeah yeah yeah and i feel like uh when i was in high school it was the prime time of like polyester shirts being like a cool oh it was the prime time of wearing a shirt uh with a name tag of someone someone else's name and smoking primeetimes is that a brand of ciggies yeah they're like a they're like a half cigar but they're like a tiny cigar they have

like the plastic mouthpiece oh oh a cigarillo they taste like uh various types of wine oh wow primetime are those the ones that have the grapes on the package? Those are Colts. But they're of the same kind of thing. And then the cheapo thin cigars were called White Owls, right? White Owls are Captain Black's Sweets. What's that? Captain Black's Sweets. Oh, I've never... Those are a good one.

My uncle used to smoke those. Those are only used to make a pot cigarette. To roll up a blunt. A filly, if you will. A filly blunt, that is. Happy 420, everybody. It's episode 320. Yeah, 320.

Happy 320, everybody. That could be a homicide in progress. I don't know what the 320 criminal code is, but... Reckon I don't know. When we were in New York a year and a half ago, you took me to this store called Nat Sherman Oh, so good And it's a tobacco store

And it smells wonderful It's like fresh or whatever Like tobacco by the It's in jars and stuff Yeah, jars and barrels And you can just like There's a couple of those still Like there's a cigar shop

There's the one Like there's I think three that I know of in Vancouver Cigar shops? Yeah There's one near my house in Gastown, but half of it is, like, a pot paraphernalia place now, where it's all, like, glass pipes and stuff. But then, like, off to the side, they have, like, all the copies of Cigar Magazine with, like, George Burns on the cover and stuff. Still.

And they have, like, Still going strong. Just that. He's on every single one. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only guy. He's the only that. He's on every single one. He's the only guy. We take on the Avengers and it's George Burns.

And all the Avengers are smoking cigars. Yeah, exactly. What's his name? Hawkeye? Shooting cigars out of a bow and arrow. They all have George Burns' face. What's his face? Hawkeye? Yeah. Shooting cigars out of a bow and arrow? Right into people's mouths. They all have George Burns' face? Yeah.

Thor's got a giant cigar. Oh, man. Iron Man is Tobacco Man. It's really lazily written. Yeah, it's not creative. I mean, they're smoking. Iron Man would be Iron Lung, right? Iron Lung.

There we go. He can smoke ten cigars at one time. Like, who smokes cigars now that you didn't put marijuana in? Because I remember in the 90s... No one even smokes blunts? I don't know. Marijuana cigars anymore. The half and half thing was, I don't know why, like, blunts were to disguise the smell, right? I don't know. Marijuana cigars anymore. I don't know why. Blunts were

to disguise the smell, right? I don't know. They were because rappers did it. But I don't know where that came from. I think it came from disguising the pot smoke smell so you could smoke it and people wouldn't call the cops immediately. I don't know. Oh. I don't know. Don't look at me.

That's my theory. All I know is in the 90s, it was like people... To be blunt with Graham Clark. Please be blunt. Please be blunt. You know, it was like celebrities were smoking cigars. There was your Arnold Schwarzeneggers and maybe Jennifer Lopez or something. Yeah, that was around the time of like, yeah.

What? No, there was a big like, like women i am just one of the guys i'm debbie moore cigars that's yeah that demi moore was smoking and the baby was also smoking in that yeah smoking out of her belly button but i don't i don't know who smokes cigars now well they're gross like have you ever without uh like like, you just get so much garbage in your mouth when you smoke a cigar. It just keeps breaking apart. I still think they smell good. Yeah, sure.

I like when other people smoke them. I rarely smoke them. Well, would you, because you have a baby on the way, cigars are traditionally handed out. Yeah, it's a boy or it's a girl cigar. I think that tradition is over. Really? Yeah. Well, I mean, in the hospital, surely, but.

But I think in general is over. Really? Yeah. Well, I mean, in the hospital, surely. But I think in general. Maybe it is. My dad told me he smoked a cigar once in his life when someone had a baby and he threw up. Yeah, well, they're not... You can smoke a pipe. Pipe smoke smells great, too. Pipe smoke really does smell good. It's not messy.

You don't get the mouthful of leaves. Yeah, I could... It's... Like, I would just, like, leave a pipe on. Like, I don't even want to smoke it. I just want to... Oh, just come home and light a pipe? Yeah, have it burn like...

Have a robot that smokes a pipe. Someone make that. Yeah, like a Glade plug-in that you just keep shoving tobacco in. Just pipe tobacco. It looks like George Burns' face. Yeah, he wasn't a pipe smoker. Yeah, but the smell is his association.

Who's the most famous pipe guy? On three. Sherlock Holmes. Okay, fine. I was really trying to think of a pipe guy. The new Sherlock, they made him nicotine patch. Yeah, well, does he vape? I don't know. I think he's got nicotine patch.

But he puts a bunch of nicotine patches on. It's such a weird... I just want it, but I don't know. I think he's got nicotine patches. But he puts a bunch of nicotine patches on. It's such a weird... He's like, I just want to... But I can't smoke, so I'm just going to do this. And he's freaking out. Why can't he smoke? Just because it's a different time. It's 2014.

He doesn't like it. It's unhealthy. Remember the show Becker? His big thing was that he smoked cigarettes. That was the whole show. Remember? Yeah. Ted Danson? Yeah. It was the whole show. Remember? Yeah. Ted Danson?

Yeah. It was on every plane flight for five years. I... But, like, the whole... Every plot revolved around him going into this coffee shop and lighting a cigarette and then being like,

you can't smoke in here and being like... And then he'd go outside and have to smoke in the rain. Yeah. Who were the characters... Funny, right? Who were the characters

that had, like, weird mouth things? i'm thinking of uh who had the lollipop oh uh kojak kojak kojak and then uh there was a british show that they tried to make into an american show called cracker and he was big like heavy smoker now when they made it into an american show he he had lollipops, and it was very confusing. Toothpick. Yeah. Toothpick is the classic.

Who was the first toothpick? Toothpick hero? Yeah, with the toothpick in the mouth. I don't know. Who's the most recent? Is there anybody? Well, Drive. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. The guys from Drive. Yeah. He had the toothpick, and I know a couple of people that started the toothpick after drive. It's so easy to call them on it and they get so defensive. I've been doing this since high school. Same with the scorpion nose.

Scorpion polyester jacket. Ever since I was 13, I've been two packs of toothpicks a day. I actually bought almost three years ago these toothpicks that were cinnamon flavored. I got them in a health food store and they're supposed to like help you quit smoking because you put the toothpick in your mouth. Like it's made with only organic wood.

Organic cherry. Organic bamboo wood. realize why they were to help you stop smoking because they even like after three years they've the flavor has faded just enough that i can have it in my mouth for longer than a second without it burning like crazy oh because it was just like pure yeah you it's like pure spicy cinnamon so you put it in your mouth and be like all right well how can anybody have this in their mouth i know somebody said that when i was quitting smoking they said chew on a cinnamon stick and you do that for 10 seconds and it's it just feels like somebody's thrown hot pepper spray. Yeah.

Not just pepper spray, hot pepper spray. They heated it up in the frying pan. They sprayed it into the pan, heated it, poured it back into a Windex thing. Atomized it. Yeah, I mean, you can't just throw a handful of hot pepper spray that wouldn't work it has to be small maximize the surface area guys globulins are no good but like uh they're they were specifically made to help you quit smoking i think so i thought why else did you buy them i don't know i. I was at a... Drive. It was because I saw Drive.

It was because I saw Drive three years ago before I was out. I bought a thing of toothpicks, I will say, seven years ago. I think I've used three of them. Yeah. And I just gave them away like a week ago. Hey, do you need a thing of toothpicks? Gave away. This has just been following me around in my life.

What am I going to use a toothpick for? Were you ever at an age where you tried to do something based on a movie like the toothpick drive? Constantly. Every other. I'm pretty sure I must have wore fingerless gloves at some point. Yeah. After something. I think my sisters had some and I wore them and they were like black with pink.

Oh, that's so great. It was. Right out of a jazz dance group. Yep. Yeah, exactly. I was trying to look tough like the bad guy in the Beat It video. I definitely... The guy had the best walk.

He had the best walk. And his jacket was like over both shoulders. Like it wasn't even... It was just the bottom was zipped a little bit and then his whole chest was out of the jacket. And he had a thumb through his belt loop. That's actually one of the things I tried to do. That was the only thing holding the whole outfit together. He moved his thumb.

I tried to do... I was in high school when I saw that video. I tried to do that guy's walk. That was one of the things that I tried to do to be cool. Was the bad guy's walk from the Vina video. Because it was like a weird... He would move his elbow whenever he took... Like you tried to make that your walk?

Yeah. You can't have a walk. I know I can't have a walk. I don't even have the jacket, nothing. You can't start with the walk. I learned that. I know that now. Yeah. No. Your teen year old, Ivan, didn't have a clue. Who called you on it? My gym teacher. Ivan, stop walking

weird. Yeah, he sent me to the nurse. What's wrong with your ankle? Yeah. You're not getting out of gym class just by faking a weird walk no i'm trying to be cool yeah whatever we're playing badminton nobody's cool no one wants to be defeated beat it um i think yeah i definitely at one point i think it dressed like marty mcfly I think that was a thing that I, there is a certain person who still does that. We all know. Yeah.

Say it. Well, we'll ask at the break. I don't think it's that offensive. Somebody makes their last name McFly on Facebook still. Oh, see, I don't know who that is.

Um, Oh yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no. But you guys, I'll look up Facebook. You guys keep talking.

I, yeah, I did the walk. I dressed like, you remember the video game Max Payne? Yeah. I dressed, I did try to do that outfit. The white, like plain white t-shirt, open, colorful shirt, and then leather jacket, necklace. It's the necklace that ruins it. Yeah, because there had to be something hanging over the white. The problem is there's so many simple outfits that are like jeans and a t-shirt that don't look good on 90% of the population. Yeah, it's true.

It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I bought a t-shirt that was three sizes too big. And it says no fear on it. But I'm basically James Dean. Yeah. Well, that's James Dean is like, he's the ultimate in people trying to cop his look, right? Yeah. Like, there's a, what is it?

Well, I remember after Dick Tracy came out, I really pruned up my face. You put your face in water for an hour every morning? He always talked weird. He talked into a tape recorder and played it back on high speed. Yeah. Was that Pruneface's deal? Did he have a high-pitched voice? Didn't he have a voice that was not understandable?

I forget. Who was Pruneface in the movie? The guy with the prune face. Okay. But it wasn't Al Pacino. He was the main bad guy. Slick. It's been so long since I've seen Dick Tracy.

And Mumbles was Dustin Hoffman. Oh, Mumbles is who I'm thinking of. Dustin Hoffman. Yeah. They were not... I melded them in my head. Mumbles and Pruneface. Well, that's because none of them did anything.

They just had a thing. None of them did anything. Dick Tracy was like the first attempt at what Sin City was. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Also, he was pre-Batman, I feel like, Dick Tracy. But just in terms of like a movie that looks like a comic book. Oh, yeah.

Kind of a graphic novel style that they were sort of going for. It looked good. Yeah, it was cool colors. It looked fine. Do you remember the kid at the end? That little kid in the movie? Yeah. Tommy?

Was his name Tommy? Well, they called him Kid because he didn't have a name. And then Dick Tracy adopts him at the end of the movie. And you find out his name is Kid. It's like the homer j simpson yeah situation so why did why would uh the state grant like this grizzled detective custody of a homeless kid like that seems i mean what's better than being homeless it was the 40s yeah that's true but when they when they go like, you're not just running around beating up criminals all the time.

Of course I am. Was he a cop or what was he? He was a detective. Yeah, but didn't he have a watch radio where the chief of police would call him? Chief of police doesn't send out work. They had watch radios in the 40s? That's like the best they could think of. That was like such an amazing thing.

It's what we have now. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. Yeah, it's true. It's better than what we had. There's like a Samsung watch you can talk to people on, but it seems really tedious because you have to go like this. Yeah, and you have to also have a phone. Yeah, you have to hold the phone up to one ear. Klondike 5.

And one of your feet has to be on something. It takes more of your body parts to use that than just a normal phone. Well, in the movie, it's like, it's just so ideal because there's like a little TV screen and a little... Anyways. I don't know. TV screen? It was like a Skype watch. Yeah.

I didn't know that. Yeah, that was his big thing. That's Dick Tracy's whole thing is that he had that watch. It. I didn't know that. Yeah, that was his big thing. That's Dick Tracy's whole thing, is that he had that watch. It was a weird movie, because you know how, like, Back to the Future had Pepsi product placement? This had Skype product placement. And Skype didn't exist. It was, like, 15 years before Skype existed.

Pretty good. Yeah. AOL tried to get in there, and they said, no, we're doing an exclusive deal with Skype. They tried to get one of their CDs in there. America Online. Free downloads. What's a download? I love them.

Now. I want one for free. I got to watch this movie again, because I watched it, I think, when it came out in the theater. Oh, yeah, I haven't seen it. I watched it when it came out in the theater twice. I remember my dad was not happy about having to take me a second time. twice i remember my dad was not happy about having to take me a second time uh and uh and then i think we watched it in film school in high school because my teacher liked it but it's not the movie grown-ups like no and it's also yeah or is it i don't know i feel like it's

got for a teacher it's got a lot of examples of stuff that hadn't been done in film before like the weird color balancing and stuff like that so i could see showing that it's like uh here's an example of color balancing yeah like the van gogh thing where there's you put like certain colors next to other colors it makes them pop more van gogh thing well he was the one that he was the first yeah he was the first guy to pop Popped colors Yeah Popped colors and popped colors Damn it, you made me do it Well, I mean, it was, I'm glad that we both crossed that finish line

That we all got there together Popped colors Dave, you want to weigh in with the popped colors thing? And so, I don't think we've even asked what's going on with you. Oh, yeah. I don't think we've even asked that. We're very off track. It's great.

I am sorry. I broke the format. No, no, no. This is fantastic. Future guests, this is what I prefer. Oh, good. I hope we never get to your thing. But what's going on?

Tell us all about it. I've just been doing lots of stand-up. I believe I had quit my day job and was just doing stand-up last time you were a space man? space man, not astronaut I helped people put stuff far away

into and out of space oh you were just a space space advisor what do I do with this space man? I'm here. No worries. So many space, man. And you've done it. You've made it. You're a comedian.

You've got your own place. I do. You've even taught a comedy class. You're at the top of your game. Yeah, yeah. It's all downhill from here. That's how you know you're doing well. You eat cinnamon sticks all day.

Yep. Yeah, you've got these toothpicks that are just, they're not even for hors d'oeuvres. They're just for me. That's how you know you're doing well. You eat cinnamon sticks all day? Yep. Yeah, you got these toothpicks that are just, they're not even for hors d'oeuvres, they're just for chewing. Yeah, you don't even pick your teeth with them. Don't put one of those in an hors d'oeuvre. Yeah. Maybe that's why I bought toothpicks, was because one time I made deviled eggs and wanted to put the saran wrap over top.

Oh, yeah. Well, I've done that where I bought skewers to make shish kebabs. Yeah. And then... What if that became your thing? Where you just take your... Like, just chew it on a little ten-inch skewer. A barbecue match.

There was somebody that did a barbecue match. I think I've seen somebody do that. Oh, yeah. Match is pretty good. Chewing on the... With the end coming out. Like... There's a Marvel character that had a match in their mouth, I think.

Gambit? Maybe. The Gambit? Sorry. Go on. Skewers. Oh, yeah. Remember Gambit? And then you had some? Sorry. Go on. Skewers. Remember Gambit? And then you had some left over and you made a crossbow.

You have them for years and years and years. And then the clean plastic, you know, container they come in, not even container, like a bag. Yeah. It gets poked through. It just gets poked through and it turns opaque over time. Yeah. You try to open the drawer and they all jam up.

Yeah, rubs on the bottom of your drawer. You don't make crossbow with the... Did you ever make crossbows with those? No. Tell me more. When you were a kid? Like a rubber band and a... Yeah, you take a rubber band and a pen. It's probably going to put this podcast on

some kind of watch list. Yeah, yeah. Hey, any of you fourth graders, you're not going to be able to listen to this anymore. Children, listen to this. This is a real anarchist cookbook. I used to make them all the time. I would get, you'd take like one of those see-through Bic pens, you'd take the ink out, and then you'd take like a rubber band, preferably a thick one, off of some asparagus. Yeah.

Oh, okay. You would cut that rubber band, and then you would tape in like a cross, like just something else across the top, like a pencil or something. Sure. And then you would put the rubber band on the ends of the pencil, stretch it over top, and then you'd feed the skewer through the pen tube, pull it back, and let it go. And it would like go through drywall. We used to like. We would fill up

a milk jug with water, like old milk jugs, and shoot them right through it in the backyard. And this is with just a wooden skewer? Yeah, it's the wooden barbecue skewers. But you got them moving. Yeah. My friend,

he made a potato gun in high school. And I remember he then, he got remember he then he got i think he got arrested because he shot it through somebody's window on halloween he was just trying to knock people's pumpkins off of their porch which also could have started what do you mean he made a potato gun you just make the little ones where you oh no these are like serious big ones they make them out of pvc pipe yeah yeah that's he made. And they shoot a whole potato? Yeah. Or you jam it into a potato.

To make a seal. Yeah. We made one at Science World. I've seen ones that were like little pistols that you get a little tiny bit of potato on. They would break after. Pew, pew. You would never make it through a whole potato. But then it would make the potato and have all these tiny little holes in it. Yeah.

I was just going to mash it. Now, you did this at science we did it science we didn't shoot potatoes we shot like a foam ball so it was a lot safer but you gave kids the the ideas now if you wanted to make a potato it's the same concept basically it's the same concept as just like a cannon like you just are compressed gas in the back that's exploding and then it pushes the projectile out because that's the weakest part of the... Sounds like me after I eat beans. Hey! Hello!

The weakest part. My butthole. Some people say that's my strongest part. Any photographer that I've talked to. Yeah. That's your good side. Yeah, and also, they also say that my butthole can pass for 25. Goes on a lot of auditions.

Yeah. How much is your butthole worth? The college freshman? Yeah. It's a college freshman's butthole. Bring in the stunt butthole. This is dumb. Oh, man.

Degenerated. Anyway, I'm doing well. Good, good. Good to hear. Iegenerated. Anyway, I'm doing well. Good, good. Good to hear. I'm very happy to be doing lots of comedy. I'm trying to expand and do more sketches and stuff. I have the show that I'm doing weekly, which is fun. I've never done that before.

What is your show? Tell us about it. Little Mountain Gallery. It's called Jokes, Please. Thursdays. Thursdays at 9. Does it have a premise to it? What's the title?

Jokes, please. It's just stand-up? Yeah, it's just stand-up, but the idea is that it's like a show where anything can happen. That's the phrase that the other fellas come up with. Sure. And it's always got double host. There's four of us that are involved in the show. It's myself, Ross Douck, Jordan Cohen, Ryan Beal.

Oh, yes. And we take turns. The two of us will host, and then somebody will do a spot, and somebody will close the show. Oh, I see. At the end of the show, usually everybody comes back up, and there's a big... So it's the same lineup every week? No, no. And then inside of that, we have guests.

Stand-up guests. I see. Yeah. I got you. And that's atup guests. I see. Yeah. I gotcha. And that's at Little Mountain Gallery every Thursday. Yeah. There you go. Nice little plug.

Yeah, yeah. Mitchell plug. Dave, I'd ask what's going on with you, but I know. No, you don't. No, you're right, I don't. What's going on with you? Well, you and I just went on tour. Sure.

And that was... Yeah, how was that? It was fun. It was fun. Yeah. But it's exhausting exhausting um yeah and it's because we're not we don't have a traveling uh you don't have a manager tour manager well we don't have that we don't have a traveling road show we had a sort of a tour manager do you have somebody like uh setting up licorice for you at every venue oh yeah no we had people setting up merch uh we had people uh no i don't mean you're selling licorice like you at every venue? Oh yeah, no, we had people setting up merch. We had people... No, I don't mean

you're selling licorice, like for you to eat. Yeah, yeah, and they set up a little maze of licorice for us to find. I want a trail of licorice to my green room. When I arrive at the stage door, I must open it and see nibs. Oh, they have to be like small nibs?

The person has to... Trail of nibs. Oh, brother. That's going to be my rider if I ever make it. And you will know us by the trail of nibs. But no, it was like... I'm just not cut out for it. For the touring man lifestyle? It's fun. But like, you know, seven hours in, I'm like, well, it won't be long until I get to go home.

you know seven hours and i'm like well oh it won't be long till i get to go home it is that that's the the all the songs about going on the road and stuff really downplay the tedium like even when they mention it in songs they still downplay the like it is just driving mostly that's what your job is. Like, 98% driving. I did a show two nights ago where I drove to Kelowna, which is about four hours. Yeah. For those of you not familiar with British Columbia's geography. Four hours there. I did the show, and then I was supposed to stay in a place that was – I think you did this show.

It was, like, a very nice resort, but it was an hour outside of Kelowna in the other direction of Vancouver so after the show I just drove home so I drove for like eight hours that day yeah it was like just by the time I got home I was insane I couldn't focus my eyes well we um uh I told you uh they're basically what I've got going on this week to talk about there's a couple of tv shows that I've been watching. Oh, exciting. I told Graham about one of them on the road. It's a show called Buried Treasure, starring Barry from Trash Humpers? Storage Wars.

Storage Wars. Storage Wars. Barry is the guy. With the skeleton gloves. The skeleton gloves. The only charming guy on Storage Wars. And it's the show

where he basically goes around to people who want to sell their weird expensive stuff. Okay. Like the first episode

the guy the heir to the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup fortune wanted So Ellen Mischke? No, it was O. Henry. The Brawler's Wonder.

The Brawler's Wonder. Wanted to sell a bunch of miniature salesman samples. Not of Reese's Peanut Butter Cup stuff. Just of, like, you know, a guy, a recliner salesman would travel with this A tiny recliner?

A tiny recliner. Oh, that's adorable! And so he wanted to sell all of his... Well, he didn't want to sell all of them, which was the weird thing. Like, this one's special. I like to put my dog in it sometimes. Wow.

Weird. Sometimes I put a Reese's Pieces on the end and I pull the little handle and it cleans it. That's how I eat them. Did his place have anything that would indicate that he was the heir to the Reese's Pieces? Fortune like a giant, you know, painting of... Crown that looked like a Reese's. No, mostly the fact that he had the biggest house in Pennsylvania.

Was his name Reese? It was. Something Reese. He's no longer in the business, but he's riches all get out. Yeah. Of course. His racism level's probably high. Yeah, probably high. He doesn't... Well, no, actually, he likes mixing the two cultures.

Peanut butter and chocolate. You're right. The two cultures. Cultures of peanut butter and cultures of chocolate. Yeah, of course. And every episode, Barry has an assistant. Different? A different guest assistant? A different person to go around with him, to, like, play off of him. Yeah, that's interesting.

And in this one, it was this big guy who was obsessed with candy and had his own brand of candy, and he wanted to sell it to Reese. Even though he wasn't in the business anymore. Yeah, exactly. He only realized that at the end. He just wanted to sell one to the guy from Reese's. Come on, eat it. It only realized that at the end. He just wanted to sell one to the guy for a reason. Come on, eat it. It looks like a tiny recliner.

And then there's nothing really to fill time in the show. A candied recliner. They found this Amish guy, and they gave him... Just a round? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The greatest time fillers. And so they gave him a makeover and made him go on a date. No, they didn't. No, they didn't. Get out of here.

This show's got no focus. Absolutely. Tiny recliners, Amish makeovers. Where does it end? Amish guy go on a date. Did he make him wear skeleton gloves? I don't think skeleton gloves has any right to be making anybody over. No, he's a stylish guy.

right to be making anybody over no he's a stylish guy his it's funny the reason i like that guy is because he proves that still to this day in in uh america more than any other country on earth if you're just kind of a chairman dude you can really get right to the make a tippy top yeah really make a buck because he's not even he wasn't even really good at the show. No, he was, everything that he found on Storage Wars was a total plant. Yeah. He was like, ah, I got these drums. They were in a storage thing. I'll take them to my friend, Stuart Copeland of the police and have him appraise them. It was all a lot of, hey, I know this guy, so can we plant something in this storage container?

Yeah. I know this Amish guy. He really needs a makeover. Can we plant something in the storage container yeah and i know this amish guy really needs a makeover can we plant some scissors in there and a comb so he's no longer he's no longer a trash humper he's now i don't know if that show exists anymore oh storage wars because i know they got rid of yup yeah it's like a big thing now that people are doing that a lot uh our associate kevin fox does that now our storage warring uh that's his that's his thing he buys storage lockers and sells the stuff he's got a big warehouse and uh you bought a storage or rented a storage locker for a while and i think you we asked you about yeah and the guy yeah the guy who rented it to me was like oh oh, man, like, it's crazy. There's so many people calling here every day asking, like, when are the stores sold?

And he's like, we don't really do, like, we don't do them that often. Like, they're kind of a thing that we have to do at the end of the year. Like, it's not like people are not paying left, right, and center. Like, most people pay. Yeah. And because it's their stuff. Yeah, and it's not like people are not paying left right and center like most people pay yeah yeah and uh because it's their stuff yeah and it's a business like it's not like people are just using it like the dump was that sort of didn't it come out of like the fact that the economy collapsed in the states kind of yeah yeah it was like the mortgage and this one guy was really good at doing your voice. $45.

$46. $47. $47. He's like the worst at it. Do I hear 46 finish? $44. I don't know what podcast is just this.

$200. Amount of dollars. This is the podcast. Just this. Do-do-do-do-do. $200. And a corporate stand-up thing. We were both at it, I think, maybe. Well, there was that one, but I also did one for a government party. With an auctioneer. We had the Minister of Finance do it when I did it, because it was for the British Columbia Liberal Government. Hired me to do a thing. and then stiffed me on the dough. Really?

They're sending me the check. I had to send them a sternly worded email. Like, hey, you never gave me... I will blow the whistle on you so hard. You are literally the Minister of Finance. Give me my money. He says, we reviewed it. It's not financially prudent. Yep, that's true.

Gotta stay in the black. I don't know why he talks like that. But he says, we reviewed it. It's not financially prudent. Yep, da-do. Gotta stay in the black. I don't know why he talks like that. He's from BC. Yeah. He's an auctioneer. I did it two years in a row. And the last year, they had not been elected yet.

And so the auction went really well. Everybody was trying to donate, give them money so they could get in. And then this year when I did it, they're already in office. So nobody cares. So the fundraising was like, people were like, come on, someone's got to bid. Everything's going down. Nothing over here and nothing,

and I've got nothing, nobody, and nothing, and nothing. It was a lot of time filling in the auctioneer voice. Like, anybody celebrating anything tonight? Who's from out of town. To your girlfriend, your wife.

Ooh, where's the ring? Put a ring on her finger. Put a ring on her finger. If you like it, then you should put a ring on it. To the gentleman in the toupee. I don't think anybody's ready for this jelly. Fiancee. Oh, I apologize to the listener.

I don't. I think it's great. And they learned something about politics. Auction physics. Also, I went to, did I tell you when I went to the auction, there used to be a museum in downtown Vancouver called the Story-ium.

Story-ium. Yeah. The history of British Columbia. Yeah, nobody ever went. Went out of business super fast. It was like Barkerville in a basement. Yeah. Like, oh, this thing I hated in high school. Now I can pay 20 bucks to go see it. And it was sitting in some prime real estate, too.

Yeah, which still has not been developed. No. Still nothing there. Well, at least it's not filled with old barrels anymore, because they had this auction. They were selling off all of the props from the museum. Oh, my God. I wish I'd been there. Yeah, well, I went because I was like, oh, cool.

I'll buy an old-timey lamp or something. You're old-timey. Yeah, I like old-timey things. That's a good lamp. The auctions go so fast that unless you know exactly what you're doing, it's over before you've... Like, I put in one bit on one thing, and I was beaten immediately. Because I had no idea. Because they go...

They're over in kind of 30 seconds or a minute. They got spotters, right? Like, looking for you, you got to do... Yeah. But you have to know... Like, it goes so fast, you have no idea how... Like, I maybe bid $70 on something that was worth $15, and it just kept going because people get all swept up in the excitement. And so you're just putting up your hand, and you have no idea how much you're bidding, and then all of a sudden you have it.

Or you don't. Sometimes I'll be on eBay, and I'll see something that I like, and I'll be like, I like this a bit. There's six days to go on this auction. This is too expensive for me at the moment, but I'll bid on it anyway just to drive the price up. Yeah. Well, and it's... I want to support the economy. Yeah, and it's part of the process, man.

The bead-selling economy. Does anybody use eBay anymore? Yeah. Yeah. That's still a thing? Millions of people. Yeah. I thought everybody was like Amazon sales, because you do like independent stores on amazon oh yeah fulfilled by amazon

yeah uh yeah people still do ebay people still do myspace it's still no yes yeah yeah yeah graham and i are on myspace yeah we're on myspace right now we share a profile yeah you're my top friends what yeah top five they keep stopping me at the border i wonder what my facebook profile is doing now i haven't checked on it for a long time oh yeah well i think i deleted my facebook i deleted my myspace did you really yeah mine's still up there i got tired of getting emails about it. What? Like strippers. Like there's a lot of strippers. Like, hey, you owe me money. Yeah, exactly. You skipped on the bill.

You liked looking at me. Stripper bill, you know. Yeah. I like the strippers who take it on faith that you'll pay them. You're good for this, right? You're good for the sexy dance. Lap dance? No lap dance. I just keep putting their hands in your pockets,

pulling them inside out, and then moths. Moths come out, yeah. And yet they continue to grind up against you. No, I swear, I'll come back next week. Yeah, he said he was good for it. The other television show I watched is, have you seen the Alan Thicke reality show? Oh no. It's called Unusually Thicke.

Gross. Which is about his penis hair. Well it's funny that you added hair. He had a show before called Thick of the Night. Oh many years ago. And is that a saying?

In the thick of the night. Yeah I woke up in the thick of the night. No. In the thick of it is like when you're in the middle of anything. Yeah, but not the thick of the night. I don't think specifically night. In the thick of the night. Yeah, it's an expression.

What? Oh, yeah, from that song. You can sing anything and make an expression. But we all know the expression, that's unusually thick. Yeah. Of course, I say that on a daily basis. So what's his deal? He goes and visits his famous son?

No, he's on his third wife. Is this a real show? You know how you watch a reality show and you're like, oh, this seems a little bit too written. Yeah. This is completely written. There is nothing. There are beats to every conversation. Oh, sure.

There's jokes at the end of everything you see. Maybe it's just really well edited. But it's presented as a reality show. It is presented as a reality show. It is the least real reality show. Buried treasure. He lives with his third wife and his son from his second marriage. Mike Seaver.

Yup. And in the episode I saw, it was all about how he hoards swag bags. Oh, man. Like from festivals and Comic bags. Oh, man. Like from festivals and Comic-Con. Yeah, from red carpets and things. From Comic-Con. Yeah, from the animated Growing Pains movie. He's at the Growing Pains booth.

Yeah, the Growing Pains 3D adventure. So many tumbleweeds going by. We had to come back and clean out all the tumbleweeds from the growing paints they all seem to be culminating there they're getting kicked from all the other booths towards the growing things just the saddest boringest booth it's just him none of the other cast could make it it's's unusually thick in here, am I right? He just keeps saying that to no one. And so his wife's friend, Minnie Driver, the actress,

Really? Suggests that, well, she convinces the wife that maybe the reason Alan holds on to all this stuff is because he moved around so much as a child because he was a military brat. Oh, yeah. That's why he holds on to all his swag bags. Because his parents made him leave his swag bags behind. Mom, I want to keep this t-shirt.

No, we don't live at Fort Lauderdale anymore. The military base at Fort Lauderdale. I guess it is. It must be. It's a fort. Isn't Fort Lauderdale where they kept all the gold? That's Fort Knox. Fort Lauderdale's really kept all the old.

Oh, yeah, and also where teens go to party on spring break. Daytona Beach. It's a Florida thing, right? Oh, you wouldn't understand it's a florida thing it's a welcome back to it's a florida thing with dave shumka um and there are so many like the sun then arranges a garage sale of all of uh of all of the pens that say comic-con yeah it's basically, he has a bunch of old hockey jerseys

he doesn't want to get rid of. And there's so many, there's like, there's weird, there are weird, like, totally written, scripted out beats, like, Alan Thicke is like, hoarding? Well, I say beauty is in the eye of the be hoarder yeah who are we gonna

get who's dumb enough to take all this stuff opens door yeah idiot neighbor walk mini driver walks in hi guys what's going on i really need some old hooker jerseys um who's mini driver mini driver was in um goodwill hunting oh how did she like those apples? She's the one who liked the apples. Oh, is she the one who liked the apples? She was the one whose number was apples. Oh, right. It was all 555 apples. That's how you get apples delivered.

It's Johnny Appleseed's number. And at the end, the son arranges for a celebrity at the garage sale. Oh, boy. Sure. Which they tease over two commercial breaks. Of course. Oh, can we guess who it is? Will we be able to guess? Yeah.

Somebody from Growing Pains? No. Robin Thicke? No. Those were my two big guesses. Somebody from the same era as Wayne Gretzky? No. Same era of television. Richard Simmons. Another TV dad.

The dad from Family Ties. Bob Saget. Oh, Bob Saget! Nice work! TV dad! Bob Saget comes by to sign autographs. Is he really filthy? And Alan Thicke is super mad about it. Oh yeah, of course.

And then at the end... He just gets covered in a pile of tumbleweeds. Well, also, why would he be mad about it? What's the... Because he's stealing focus from Alan Thicke. Oh, yeah. Because everyone... And then they arrange for everyone who's at the garage

to love Bob Saget. And then Bob Saget brings out a... After walking around and talking to everyone, he brings out a PA system from his limo and starts doing stand-up. What? Really? Is it really filthy? Well, no, that wasn't...

They didn't include that on television. On the Slice network. Wow. And this is a Canadian show? It was weird, because it takes place entirely in the United States. But it's on CTV or something? It's on Slice. There was another show.

Slice is a Canadian channel. There was a show on Slice that was, I think it was called Carla Wood? Yeah, Carla Collins. Carla Collins. Canadian comedian. But that was all in LA of her like. Yeah. And it was that same kind of dumb scripted like...

But this seems like pretty well produced. Like it's a little too good for Canadian TV. Okay. Maybe a GoPro? Yeah. GoPro. Possibly a GoPro. Yeah.

They did use GoPros. GoPros for the GoPro. It was like a helmet cam attached to his helmet hair. Which is unusually thick. He also had a chin cam. A what cam? A chin cam. A chin cam?

Oh, that's from before the recording. I can't make references to that. I thought we were all just having a good time here, guys. These are microphones. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we're not having a good time. No, I'm not having a good time anymore. I'm enjoying this. Dave's pulling out in the thick of the show

dave's gonna pull the tumbleweed lever just covers me in a pile of tumble i would love to i would love it if there was some sort of why can't see now that's why can't they just make a show where it's alan thick and bob sagan and all the tv dads have to live in a house together and then uh that's the show. That's a pretty good show. Yeah. Who else would you include? You know, Conrad Baines.

Singular Bain. Yes. Conrad Baines is corpse is what I was going to say. Conrad Baines is corpse. The dad from Bryan Cranston. Bryan Cranston from The Middle. Homer Simpson. Yeah, there would be a huge animated

contingent. Paul Reiser, Greg Avigan, my two dads. Daddy Warbucks. Major dad, Gerald McGraney. Oh, totally major dad would be there. Ghost dad. And that other thing he was on, The Cosby Show. But he would do it as Ghost Dad. Yeah, Ghost Dad. And that other thing he was on, The Cosby Show.

But he would do it as Ghost Dad. Or possibly Leonard Part 6. The Ghost Dad Dad. I want that character. He needs to be able to walk through walls. He's the only one that can solve the puzzles that involve that. You know that... Amongst all the dads.

Daddy the Pitbull from... Being the... What's the Spanish dog whisperer, man? The dog whisper's the spanish dog whisperer man the dog whisperer anyway he had a dog named daddy really now uh letter part six apparently this is the legend about it that it was so bad that bill cosby how bad was it he spent millions of dollars buying up all the uh film versions like copies of it and having them destroyed oh so that they could never be played on like he bought out the television right so it would never be broadcast on television part six yeah it's i was on it was definitely on vhs but you'd be hard pressed to find uh i think you'd be hard pressed maybe it's

online yeah you could probably find it online. Yeah, at this point... I'm amazed at what you can find online. When I was a kid, I used to go to the movie store, and there was this movie that my brother always wanted to rent called Baby's Day Out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, where the baby climbs on the construction equipment.

Yeah, it's all the... A baby foils some robbers. Isn't your brother older than your younger brother? Okay. So when we would go you? My younger brother. Okay. So when we would go to the store, we were kids. It was like a family thing where we'd always see it. Why would he want a red baby? I don't know.

Him and I always wanted, we would like go to my dad and my mom. We were over there and be like, can this be the day? We never saw it. So like a week ago, I just looked on BitTorrent and see if it was there. It was, and I downloaded it to him and gave it to him on a USB drive. Baby's Day 1994. Wow. Yeah.

The, uh, yeah, that's a thing that I don't think will happen anymore. Because there are no video stores. No. Because you won't, like, I would walk through a video store and every time I'd be like, oh yeah, DC Cab. That's the one where Mr. T's ripped the door off a cab. Yeah. But I would never rent it.

But now you can just like, it'll be on Netflix and you watch the first ten minutes and I'm out. Yeah. Well, there was a movie, there was two, and they'd be side by side in the video store. Because there was one called Angel, and then the sequel was Avenging Angel. And Angel was about a co-ed that was a hooker at night okay and then in the second one her like mentor hooker mentor her mentor relationship is a sacred one uh he's he's been murdered so she's got a male mentor no no this is a lady the the mentor is a lady no the mentor is a guy yeah that's what we're asking why is the guy a mentor i think he was uh what do you call it a pimp

but he uh the nicest way to say it I never got to rent them because my mom was like, this is about a prostitute What about a girl? Are you abusing that woman? I'm mentoring her Angel and Avenging Angel Yeah And they were great covers because

it would be ripped down the middle one side of her as the college sweetheart and then the other one I think I remember seeing that in the middle one side of hers as the college sweetheart right and the other one is i think i remember seeing that in the sequel video land yeah the sequel really spoiled the uh first one yeah no kidding you know she needs to be avenged yeah and uh well and it was also i don't know there was just something so saucy about that cover like i would just stand and just stare at the cover all of the old like they had a b uh or not even b like c horror movie section in the video store that was always my favorite to go and look at like yeah leprechaun four in space yeah the worst crappy horror movies

yeah like there was uh there was one horror movie and i still don't know what it's called to this day, but I remember the poster like really freaking me out because it was like a goblin sitting at the edge of a bed. And it was just like, but it wasn't. Bed Goblin. Yeah, was it Bed Goblin? Yeah, it was Bed Goblin 2. Bed Goblin when he was on the bed.

Avenging Bed Goblin. Bed Goblin 2, edge of the bed. Yeah, mentoring Bed Goblin. Mentoring the children uh those covers were so good i guess they still do great covers because they need you need an image on netflix or whatever yeah to like find it by because there was i remember there there was um what was the name of the movie with michael keaton where he was a snowman oh jack frost you're talking about the movable covers right then there was also the horror movie Jack Frost.

Yeah, the horror movie Jack Frost was... But they came out within maybe a year of each other. Yeah, I thought they were the same movie. But the horror movie had the movable cover, like when you move it. Yeah, it was like a hologram. Yeah. Is that a hologram? I don't know.

There was another one. We called it a hologram at the time, but pre-Tupac. Holographs? Something. I think holograms involveram? I don't know. There was another one. We called it a hologram at the time, but pre-Tupac. Holograms. Something. I think holograms involve lasers. I don't know. Yeah, you're right. You're right about that. Remember the hologram store on Robson Street? Oh, yeah. I do remember that.

It was like a store that sold just holograms in downtown Vancouver. It had downtown Vancouver. It was on like a... It would just be like cardstock that was reflective into it. It would be that, and it would also be a lot of like... It would be a cube, and you look at it, and it's a hawk. And then you look at it in a different angle. The hawk's eyes keep looking at you.

Like you'd hang them on your wall. They were like art, but made of... There was one that was really cool. You would mostly do cocaine off of them. Yeah, I mean, that was the main thing. One of them was actually, it was like they just looked like three dimensional. One of them had like a telescope that

if you looked at the right angle you could see through the telescope. Oh yeah. Into the image and like, it was cool stuff. This was sitting on also pretty prime real estate. Like at the time it was all museums. It was right in Robinson and Thurlow. It was like right where that The shopping district. Yeah. It was a huge, but they sold Thurlow. It was like right where that... The shopping district.

Yeah. It was huge. But they sold like sunglasses with like skulls. Only to poker players. Like John Lennon style sunglasses with skulls in the eyes. With reptile eyes. Is there a poker player that had those? Yeah.

Every poker player has those. No hologram glasses? Yeah. That's so interesting. Snakes? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, guys.

I'm a chameleon over here. I got a full house. Got Bob Saget glasses. He just has a full house in his hologram. That's what it says. A hologram of full house would go down pretty good right now. I could really go for a hologram of full house. Oh, man. You can just watch Candace Cameroneron on dancing with the stars is she yeah oh i don't know if she's still on

good for her yeah what would her reality show be called dancing with the stars yeah pretty good now graham yeah what's up with you my friend i don't have i didn't even have an auxiliary thing of having shows that i watch because i haven't watched any i'm watching shows well actually i did watch a show and i told you about it it was an equivalent to uh buried treasure but it was about uh people who uh bid on airport luggage that's been left behind. Oh, gross. What's going to be in there? Just clothes. Maybe a bottle of whiskey. That's your best.

That's like a good day on that show. Maybe a present for your grandkids. I brought you this. And this one, this guy got the thing, and there's no suspense. Because you know how sometimes on Storage Wars they'd have to break open the thing? Commercial break. Yeah. This is just like, you just unzip it. how sometimes on uh storage wars they'd have to break open yeah the thing commercial break yeah

uh this is just like you just unzip it you know there's no uh like maybe there's a lock on it but you just break that with a hammer and then bam um and this guy found coins like rare coins oh i think i was i was i talking about this yeah yeah i was talking about it before i was like coins and then he takes it to his coin friend and i was like everybody's got a coin well coin people don't have friends like that like in the off hours like they go they're hanging out yeah hanging out the bar how was it at the coin store today oh i saw all my friends i'm gonna be late i gotta went out with my friends last night. Yeah, right. So coin guy says, yeah, these aren't worth anything. And the dude that bought the luggage was like, I thought I was going to retire on this.

On these coins. Yeah. And I just felt bad for that guy because he thinks he's going to be able to retire someday. From his job of buying luggage. Buying people's. from his job of buying luggage. Buying people's... And it's not like Storage Wars where there's kind of this weird morality like

they didn't pay so fuck them. It's just like somebody who lost their luggage. Like somebody seeing their luggage paraded out on TV. Somebody trying to find their luggage and the airline didn't get back to them. My coins! My worthless coins!

My stupid worthless coins that I checked instead of bringing with me on the plane. I was just going to put them in a sock and beat some to death with them. I was going to travel with them in my pockets and then spend 20 minutes taking them out of the metal detector.

Do you have any coins? That's a good gag. Oh, wait. Oh, yes. Pockets and pockets worth of them. I'm wearing cargo pants. I don't like that you've got to take everything out now. When you do the hands-up x-ray scanner.

Give me your heart. They do all the... It's not just metal anymore. They're going to empty your entire pockets. Yeah, well, I'm fine with... You know, I was realizing when we were on the road, Dave was telling the audiences about going for ultrasound. Yeah. And how one of the first things that you do as a human is somebody looks at your genitals on a black and white screen.

And then we're all mad about doing it at an airport. It should be second nature to us. Because our genitals have developed to a fine form. Well, sometimes they have. You're allowed to look at a seed, but the flower. I don't know. I saw baby genitals. I mean, they're smooth as a baby's genitals.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Of course. The other thing that was kind of weird when we were on this trip was we stayed at a couple... Oh, yeah, by the way, we recorded three episodes on this trip. We don't know if and when any of them will be released. We'll keep you posted. Yeah. You're not doing them?

Well, we did. We recorded them. We just don't have them. Oh, okay. We don't have them. Right. And some of the material we repeated in various episodes, so we'll figure out what we're going to do.

Yeah. It's going to be a culmination. Well, maybe. I don't know. But we stayed at a couple fancy hotels, and I usually don't. Usually stay at just hotels where you check in, and then that's all you see of the staff until you check out. Yeah.

Whereas at this hotel, there was a lot of a guy opens the door for you and uh so we felt like there was a lot of tipping and i just lost a turndown with cookies they did turndown cookies cookies chocolates and water bottles how do you know so much about turndown i've never been in a hotel with turndown i had never either until i stayed going back to saran wrapped goods they did the bed i think that was off air yeah oh yeah it was off there all right anyway they had cookies that they saran wrapped themselves and then they're like do you want a cookie and i was like uh sure and they just handed me one that like they had baked and it's obviously been in their pocket for a while you're like it's warm but not baked warm yeah like it was all cracked it was just uh it was four oreos

saran wrapped they took it out of somebody's lunch it was saran wrapped it just wasn't just crumbs that are digging out of their pockets with their coins. Do you want these Oreos? Or maybe these grapes? What about these small bunch of grapes? You want a juice box? What do we got? Somebody forgot their lunch in the fridge.

Turn down service. Hey, guess what, Phil? I used your lunch as part of the turn down service. Not again, guys. Bits and bytes. Oh, have you seen the ads for there's a product, it's like an Oscar Mayer protein thing?

Shake? Gross! Hot dog shake! It's like a pack, it's like, what are those, Lunchables? But it's supposed to be for people at the gym. Like, it's protein and nuts. Oh, ew. It's just like a those Lunchables, but it's supposed to be for people at the gym. It's like protein and nuts. It's just like a slurry of beans.

What is protein? Like squares of ham. Ham squares. Not just like weird white protein. Like a goo? Yeah. Rub it on your gums. You'll hallucinate protein.

Yeah, anyways, I never had turndown service before. Really? No, never. I was so disoriented about the curtains. You thought someone had been in your room. Well, yeah. I don't know what it's actually, like, what's it actually for? Do they tuck you into bed?

Yeah, yeah. If you're there, you just, they have to tuck you into bed. Like, if you're in the room, they have to take you. Kiss you on the forehead. Read to you. Yeah. This hotel loves you very much. We do that at Science World.

We have to read stories to kids. Sure. Story time, which is always super awkward because you have to go up to kids you don't know and be like, do you guys want to hear a story? Oh, really? And what, do they just sit down around you? And I get them all to sit around me like a kindergarten teacher, and I would read a book. But, like, most of the time they would get bored halfway through and leave.

Yeah. I walk a lot of kids. No! I walked a lot of kids. I walked a whole room right into that big tree. Oh, what? There's a big tree at Science World? Yeah, there's a big tree.

Anyway. I don't, uh, I know there's a big hamburger. No, it's gone. What? It was was for sale it was on the market for a while what would i oh well first of all it's a guy who bought it second of all what is that guy doing with i don't know i hope well because it was a guy who bought it. Second of all, what is that guy doing with it? I don't know. Well, because it was a theater, right? It was the Burger Theater.

That's what it was. What? The big hamburger had like a TV screen in it. How big a hamburger was this? Huge. You'd go inside it. It was cut like a cake. And you would learn the science of hamburgers.

Yeah, you'd learn like where hamburgers came from. It was like a little video they made that was about burgers. And that was sort of the only thing they originally showed but then later on they added other videos about food and I was just like you go to the adult section is a debate 25 seconds to watch a few seconds of a cow being killed yeah isn't mui shows all right well. Well, we should leave on a high note. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, if burgers were made out of lamb, then you could have said a sheep show. Yeah. Sheep shows. Oh, well. Chickens. Chickens could be peep shows. Like baby. My show of peep shows.

That's pretty good. Baby chickens. Do you want to move on to a bit of business? Yeah, let's do that. So that music means that there's a bit of business at hand. This week on the show, we got a little bit of Jumbotron-style business. We've got a personal message this week. It's headed to someone named Brian.

Hey, Brian. From someone named Natasha. Boris, Brian, and Natasha. Hate the moose and squirrel. Come on! Is it Boris and Natasha? Brian is English language Boris.

And Natasha's translates. Yes, Natasha equals Natasha. Moose and squirrel are moose and squirrel. Now this is the message. It's a happy 30th birthday to Brian. I hope you have an amazing year and barely think about how much older and closer to death you are uh p.s this soundbite

is your only birthday present so i really hope you record it forever and always with my love natasha yeah brian i hope you had your tape player out. Yeah. Hold your tape player up to your headphones. Now, where do people go if they want to order one of these? Oh, if you would like to be like Natasha and Brian, head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. And, you know, it's good. It's good for birthdays. It's good for a romantic, if you've had your eye on a guy or girl, this is the best way. And you know they already listen to this.

Yeah, or you have an occasion where you're in a car together and you can turn on this podcast and be like, Oh, shut up at this part! Yeah, Dave and Graham are going to sing No Ordinary Love by Sade. Oh, we would. Yeah. Go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron jumbotron slash no ordinary love do you want to move on to overheard i sure do i'm cameron esposito i'm ria butcher i am ricky carbona and we are the cast members what i don't know podcastiness of wham Bam Pal. That's an action sci-fi movie podcast

you can find on MaximumFun.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use. Tons of things you can use. We break it down so it can forever be broken. Hilarious jokes. Plus, sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here.

We'll see you in your earbuds. This is Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host a show called One Bad Mother, a comedy podcast about parenting. Not a parenting podcast. Guess what? We both just had babies. Again. Check out the show enjoyed by breeders and ballers alike on iTunes or MaximumFun. Again. Check out the show enjoyed by breeders and ballers alike

on iTunes or MaximumFun.org Overheard now. Shoday. Shoday is different from shoday. Oh, sorry. Which one's that? I didn't know if I was allowed to talk about it. Yeah, isn't that

what's his name? Lil Jon? is it little John no oh I'm racist oh no with the voice alteration voice modulator yeah Akon no he wears a hat Yeah, he said, Shoddy. Shoddy. T-Pain. T-Pain. He has an app. He has a T-Pain. I am T-Pain. He's got a microphone that you can buy. Oh, right.

Yeah, he's got a microphone. I mean, you know what Flo Rida has? Oh, yeah. His beams by Flo. Shoddy. Floody. A beef show why not beef show instead of moo-eep show yeah beef show there it is oh well roll it back roll roll back the tape let me say beef show um i don't know how this works okay tape

do you know how overheards work i do so it's things that you overhear. We always like to start with the guest. I do have an overheard. Yay! That I heard in Gastown recently. I live in Gastown, and I was walking down the street, and there was a dad with his daughter. She was about nine, I would say, eight or nine. I might be reading into this situation too much i'm guessing divorced dad uh visitation weekend uh having the talk about like what she wants to be when she grows up and

he's trying to be like uh mr knowledgeable give her advice you know you've got like uh i can imagine if you're a divorced father you've you've gotta pack in as much like influence in that short amount of time right sure because you gotta be okay, I need to do a turning point, life turning point for me. So he's basically... And I've got to stick it to my ex. Yeah. I've got to do that, too.

Yeah, whatever you do, don't end up being a real estate agent like your mom. Yeah, she's dumb. So he asked her, he was like, they were having like a what do you want to be when you grow up kind of conversation. It sort of faded in as they were walking towards me. And the part that was the loudest was the one near me where he was like, well, I don't know. What do you want to do? And she's like, I kind of like rocks.

And he's like, oh, yeah, so meteorology. Oh, nice. Good work, Dad. Solid. And that's when I knew my dad was a moron. Wouldn't that be great if every newscast had just a rock expert? Today the rocks will be dry. No, they're going to be dry.

Going to be mostly motionless, except for this gravel patch. Yeah, some will be rolling patch. Yeah, there is. We're driving. Something will be rolling. Something will hit your windshield and, boy, it'll make a loud noise. You'll be like, God, did you hear that? Yeah, do I need to go to Apple Auto Glass to pick up the crop? Is it Speedy Auto Glass? It's Speedy We Care. Speedy Glass, red hair, Speedy Glass, red basement.

That was their song. Yeah. Can you sing it again for us? Hang on. Speedy glass repair. Why is he singing it like that? It was like a weird monotone thing. Speedy glass repair.

Speedy glass replacement. Dave did it better. Yeah. Dave's got a beautiful voice. Yeah. You heard me sing Everlast earlier ah yes

um Dave do you have an overheard you know what I do oh phew uh the other day I saw a couple of uh gentlemen

uh dressed in sort of a um I would uh describe them as sort of a bohemian chic okay sure like um bohe chic

oh like an Ashley Olsen uh yeah just well maybe sort of like... American. They looked like fur traders. Okay.

They were just wearing kind of like, you know, suede. Yeah. Fringe, maybe? Yeah, maybe a bit of fringe. With tassels. Fringe or tassels. And one of them had just an accent. No accent, I would guess.

Like a regular Canadian accent. Yeah, they had a French-Canadian accent. Oh, this is fun. They might have actually been French-Canadians. Yeah, they were traversers. Habitants, maybe? Portaging. Portaging.

I think mine wasn't true. And then, so the one, the non-French one said, I think mine wasn't true and then so the one the non-French one said I'm going to have to do a French accent aren't I oh boy so let me practice this Park Zekar in Harvard Yard

that was really good was that what he said so the first one says yeah whatever and the other one says, yeah, whatever. And the other one is Adam. And he's like, no, not whatever. However. And then he went on. Oh, not whatever, however.

That was good. That was a good franchise. Yeah. Yeah. But he wasn't correcting not whatever, however. It was not whatever. And he was going on to something else. Yeah.

However, you know, my legs fell off. No, no was not whatever. And he was going on to something else. However, you know, my legs fell off. No, no, not whatever. However, we are good, wild, and crazy guys. Yep. The classic French-Canadian characters. One of them was Canadian, right? Dan Aykroyd? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, but the characters were Czech. Yeah, that's right. They Czech check yeah check some solid hats they had uh have you seen uh they did it redid it recently a couple years ago on snl it was age as well and it looks great yeah yeah took the words right over but like as a guy who was born in the 80s... Yeah, like, that sketch was never funny? No, I mean, I look back, and I guess their outfits were supposed to be ridiculous, but it just looks like 70s clothes. Yeah. Yeah, and...

They were supposed to be, like, poorly dressed foreigners. Yeah, just... And then... Oh, man. Because what... It was the update... It's a lot like the show Keys to the VIP, right? Go on.

They were picking up girls? Yes. Yeah. They were that era of Keys to the VIP, which... Except there were characters. Yeah. Okay. Which is a show that existed in Canada for many years.

Like a crazy long time. I would say one year. No, it was... No, it was more than that. It was because for a while it was the highest rated show i think canadian show that the comedy network had ever done oh so it was just on and it was it was basically it was on like every night it was a canadian yeah reality show about men going to clubs and picking up women yeah but it was four or five guys would sit around and watch it and do like a play-by-play

while a guy went and hit on women. Look at him putting on all that cologne. Good work, buddy. And then they'd freeze frame it. This guy's going over here and he's about to say this and they draw lines coming out of his mouth. Did they do that? They didn't do the telestrating.

My overheard is borrowed Because I just don't have I just don't have Yeah, we've been doing This is our fourth podcast in five days Yeah, yeah, yeah There's a lot of stuff over here So luckily, past guest Craig Northey Wrote this on Twitter

And I asked his permission Can I use this for Overheard? This is little kids playing Nierm. One says, my name will be Intergalactic Hookah, and yours will be the real Santa Claus. So kids playing, giving each other names. Fun. Yeah.

Ivan's on his phone. Ivan's on his phone, not paying attention. The real Santa Claus. Oh, man, that was the worst. That was the worst fake paying attention. I was listening. The real Santa Claus. You know, like there's a not a real one.

Yeah. The mall Santa Claus. One of them's real. Good work, Ivan. Sorry, somebody was blowing up my phone. Oh them's real. Good work, Ivan. Mm-hmm. Sorry. Somebody was blowing up my phone. Oh, yeah?

Oh, well, congratulations. Is that good? Uh, no. Oh, sorry. It was almost good. I was almost going to have to go and do a show last minute. But then I said, new, I'm going to start podcasting myself. Get out of here.

Get out of here. I'm participating in this conversation. Yeah, I'm in the middle of a conversation real santa claus yeah or something i don't know i'm on my phone um we also have uh overheards that have been uh sent in via email if you want to send one in to us you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org and uh the first one uh oh comes from sorry lenore linoleum yeah lenore that's a nice name that's uh from the edgar allen poe yeah the raven the real right that's the name that rhymes with evermore nevermore yeah also elsinore is that part of it that's from hamlet yep there you go uh now this is while waiting to cross the street i was standing behind a woman and her

younger son another woman with a service younger than the woman yes now listen who's who's listening too much all of a sudden yeah well i can't operate on my younger son. I'm his father. Or a doctor, or whatever. I'm his father. I'm his... I can't. I'm a doctor. I'm a younger doctor. I can't. I'm a doctor. I'm sorry, I'm not allowed.

Another woman with a service dog was standing next to the young boy who reached out to pet the dog when his mother grabbed his hand and said, You can't pet that dog. He's working right now. The son looked at his mom and said in the most exasperated voice, Why is it that dogs always get the important jobs? It's true. President.

Secretary of State. Astronaut. Oh yeah, the first astronaut. Game show host. Beethoven. Yeah, absolutely. Drool spritter. You know, Cujo.

Cujo was an important dog. The dog from the sandlot behind the... Oh, so scary. Yeah, the beast. We were talking about the sandlot. Oh, maybe... I was there. Were you there when we were talking about whether or not it was good?

It's actually pretty hard to run fast in Converse All-Stars. Yeah. Not as much ankle support as you'd hope. Chuck Taylor's like, get there, I can run super fast in these. We were talking about how we lived in the golden age of kid baseball movies between Rookie of the Year, Little Big League, Angels in the Outfield, and The Sandlot. Yeah. All within, those were all released within two weeks of each other.

Did you see the Bad News Bears remake with Billy Bob Thornton? I didn't. It was deece. I thought it was funny. So this is your movie review show? It was deece. It's deece. Welcome back to It Was Deece.

Yeah. I don't know. I missed the first half of it. I was on my phone. My phone was blowing out. I think it was about a Santa Claus or something. Somebody don't know i missed the first uh half of it i was on my phone my phone was blowing up i think it was about a santa claus or something i can't do a show i'm watching this deece movie can't be on your last movie deece oh brother um this is uh this next one comes this is an overseen from somebody named uh adam g uh-huh. In Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. He said, I just came across this list my six-year-old wrote.

It's titled Jokes. Ooh. So at the top it says Jokes, and then this is the list of jokes. They're not actual jokes. This is like a set list that a kid put together. Cool. The list is ham meat. That's the first one.

Stink. Simmer. That's the first one. Stink. Simmer. Deal. Up-down. Parp. Running. Head-off. Wow, this kid's got more material than me.

Parp. Flushed. Horse. Stirring. Sneakers. Wow, that's like a 20-minute set. At least. Unless they're one-liners.

Oh yeah, they might beers So parp is weird Has anybody here eaten any ham meat? How about those horses? Try the ham meat parp Head off Head off? Head off Like you're heading them off at the pass?

No I think it's head off Decapitation is pretty funny When you're a kid It's pretty funny when you're heading them off at the pass, like Western? No, I think it's head off, isn't it? Yeah, apply it directly to a forehead. Decapitation's pretty funny when you're a kid. It's pretty funny when you're an adult. It's just not, you know, just not when it actually happens. Right, decapitation is funny when you're an adult. Like a chakram cut their head off or something. A what?

Like one of those discs that Xena has. Oh, brother, this guy's dropping all sorts of dialogue I can't understand. You know what's that Xena, Warrior Princess? Yeah, but what did you call it? A chakram? A chakram, that's what the disc is called. She had a disc? She called it a chakram all the time.

Yeah, well, I don't think I ever watched it. Did you ever see the supercut where they edited? It's like her throwing it, and then they just edited every time she'd ever thrown it in the show into that one throw. So it just does, like, everything that ever happened in the entire show. And then it comes back to her and she catches it. And it's like, that's pretty much Xena. When you say it's a disc, do you mean it's like a Frisbee? Or like a boomerang?

Or like a floppy disc. It's a floppy disc. It's got her wedding photos on it. It's a floppy disk. It's got her wedding photos on it. It's a hard disk. It's a hard drive from a computer. It's really heavy. She wouldn't have cared for weddings. She was lawless.

This last one's from Amanda M. This is an overheard in the line at the SFU bookstore, Simon Fraser University, for those who don't know. And there was a guy and a girl behind me in the checkout line. The guy, my elbow really hurts. Girl, what did you do? Guy, I don't know, but I think when I get old, I'm, like, going to die. That's a good reading of it yeah

cause it's that was a good reading oh thanks thanks guys um they say that my final goodbye to your child yeah

um it's uh it's true as hackneyed a premise as it is you do start all of a sudden when you get older

like just random injuries do just start happening. And then they don't heal. Yeah. I think that's the biggest one. It's like stuff hurts for like a really... Like it hurts long enough that you don't notice when it's not hurting anymore because it's been hurting for so long.

Yeah. You just get bored. That pain in my wrist went away that was there for a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My wrist went away that was there for a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the problem with having, like when you're a teenager or in college, if you have any elbow or wrist pain, everyone says you jack off too much. Yeah, jerking off.

It's true, but what do you do when you go to the doctor and that is actually the problem? How do you tell them? Because they're like, no, no, it's not. I don't think you can hurt yourself jerking off. The body's like naturally designed for it. Everything's right in the right place. You're using all the muscles. It's not the right place, it's the right time.

There's no overextension unless it's unnecessarily thick or whatever. Like the famous saying, unnecessarily thick. Unnecessarily thick. Unnecessarily thick. Oh, man. Unnecessarily thick of the night. Even then, I think nature finds a way. Yeah. Two hands.

You gotta two-hand it. This is unnecessarily thick. What was the Alan Thicke show? Was that it? That was it. Yeah. Unusually. Unusually thick.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Come on, guys. Stop making it so thick. Thisusually. Yeah, sorry. Come on, guys, stop making it so thick. This is unnecessary. Oh, boy. $50. $22.

There's no overheards that are written in. We also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, I don't get it. But our number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hi, this is Tracy from California, and I'm calling with an overheard. I teach the sixth grade, so 11 and 12-year-olds, and I am in class now, and a boy just picked up a big skein of yarn that they're doing a project. And he said, wow, it's so soft, like a burrito. Name me something softer than a burrito.

I don't know, like a skein of something? A skein of what? Yarn? Yarn, yeah. I thought you said urine. I thought you said a skein of urine. Yeah. It's like when they do those shots that come on a ski. Yeah. It's a skein of urine.

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, those shots? Yeah, those ski shots. Is that a Canadian-only thing, or just a resort? I don't know that it's a resort-only thing. I don't think it's an anything thing. Speaking of soft burritos, something that is actually probably the soft, like a burrito soft thing is a gecko's stomach.

Oh, yeah. The underside of a leopard gecko. Yeah. Yeah. We've all been there. Very soft. Were you a lizard kid? No, no, no.

They have them at S-Dubs. Yeah. Where I used to work. It does seem like it would be pretty soft. Like a frog's belly looks like it'd be pretty soft. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A burrito is really soft, though. I used to just take it like a, what are they called? The

tortilla. Yeah. I just put it in a microwave and just eat it. Yeah. Just like a warm it up. Delicious. And the starch my body needs anyway. There's a lot more. Like, when I was down in the, I was in the States recently, and they, there's a lot more tortilla prevalence in the grocery store. Like, you can buy, like, a big stack of tortillas. Like, if they had that as often as I saw it down there, up here, I would be eating a lot more wrap-based.

I'd have a much higher wrap base in my diet. I feel like you can get, anywhere you go, you can get a wrap. I feel like it's very hard to. Yeah, but they had a big stack of tortillas, like the size of a stack of CDs that you used to use for your burner. So you're not making as many burritos at home because you can only make 12 at a time instead of 50? Yeah, I want to have 50.

I want a big... And then you just want to touch it. I want a big... And then you just want to touch it. I want small, I want mini things. Like, uh, like the idea of big foods but small. Like the slider craze, totally on board. Yeah. I want

like that to happen with tons of other foods. Like I want to be able to order like pizza sliders that are like little tiny pizzas. You mean like a pizza pocket? No, like a little little it looks like a pizza but it's yeah little and it's like a pizza bagel triangles yes a pizza bagel that's what he means oh that's got a hole in the middle mini tacos why are there no mini tacos grandpa's on board yeah dog's mad about it um why i don't know why there aren't many tacos.

I mean, maybe there are. If anybody out there is thinking they have a taco. Yeah, like a coin-sized taco? Yeah. Like a bent penny with lettuce and a tiny bit of beef in there. Okay, all right. Yeah, I can see where you're going with that. But how would they just... Would they be soft tacos?

And would you just put them in the microwave and they'd be ready? Or what? No, you'd order them at a restaurant. Like sliders. How many would you have to order? You know what? They do have soft tacos that are tiny. Do they? Well, they're like...

Yay? Smaller. I want half of that size. And twice as many. When I was a kid and you had tacos it was just the hard shell tacos that your mom made a hamburger in a bag but now you get the little soft little soft circles

where do you get those? everywhere at a taco place yeah a taqueria if I wanted to make my own. You just get one of those little tortillas and then you put stuff on it. Alright, here's your next phone call. This

one, I believe, is an overdreamt, but we'll accept it. Dear David and Graham and guests, I just had a dream that I wanted to share with you. I don't know anything about hockey, but you two were on two different teams. Dave, you were on the Wallies, and Graham, you were on the Tuskees.

And you guys were playing hockey against each other, but Graham kept eating the puck. again to each other, but Graham kept eating the puck. And then Graham's mom came out and said the game was over, and he had his wealthy ice cream out of the big trophy for the Stanley Cup. It was a pretty good dream. Good night. What were the teams? The Tuskees and the... Wallys?

The Wallys and the Tuskees. And you kept eating the puck. Yeah. So delicious. Why did they make it out of chocolate? Yeah. That's never happened in the history of hockey. Somebody's just like...

Somebody's eating the puck. Or ice cream out of the Stanley Cup. That seems like... It's more built for ice cream than champagne. I bet you that almost every kid who's had the Stanley Cup in their house has eaten ice cream at one. Who's had the Stanley Cup in their house as a kid? Don't they pass it around for play-by-play? Every player on the team who wins the Stanley Cup gets it for a day.

Oh, okay. So that means Pete Johansson had it. Is that right? His dad's name is on the cup. Wow, weird. Paul Johansson. But there are three Stanley Cups. Okay.

There's one at the Hockey Hall of Fame. There's one they present to the teams, and then there's the other one they lend out to the players. Okay. Which one's the most valuable? I don't know, because the one that they lend out to the players, Baby has definitely gone to the bathroom in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So many people have gone to the bathroom in it. But yeah, you've got to eat that gone to the bathroom in it, but yeah

I want the ice cream out of the Hall of Fame one. Yeah, put on those fancy gloves before they touch it Oh, yeah, then there's one guy right then carries it around and he's got Like a 19 he's got a Wayne Gretzky's haircut from 1984. He's got a real shitty Here's the thing about Stanley the the name Stanley. Is the Stanley Cup might seem like the dumbest question in the world. It might be. Here it comes. Stanley Cup and Stanley Park Same Lord. Same Lord Stanley. I'm not an idiot.

No. Great. It was a reasonable assumption to assume that it's the same. Yeah, because there was only so many people that explored Canada. No, there was a squadron. We're still exploring it to this day. Yeah, but, like, the first people that came and named everything.

What about Prince George? Yeah, Prince. The artist formerly known as Prince George. There's a city in British Columbia called Prince George, and when the royal baby was born And named Prince George

They were like, ooh boy The business is gonna go through the roof And they're gonna visit every week Oh, the royal baby's named Prince George I didn't know that He's getting a lot of Logging contracts He's getting a lot of play in OK Canada

Or Hello Canada Maybe it's OK Canada lot of uh logging contracts he's getting a lot of play in okay canada or hello canada hello canada it's okay hello is that the one that's too big to fit in the magazine stands yes yeah printed in this weird legal format double digest they accidentally had legal in the printer yeah there's nothing we can do about it now. Yeah. Magazines all fit, right? Like, Rolling Stone used to be bigger than it is now. Yeah. And there was never trouble fitting that into a magazine stand.

But I feel like it had its own slot. Like, didn't they make them? And they had a custom-made rack slot. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry I brought it up. Here is your final overheard of 2014. Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Brent calling from Burlington with an overheard.

I'm a high school teacher, and I was walking through the hall one day, and I overheard a snippet of conversation. One girl said to the other, I never learned how to whisper. The other girl said, you never learned how to whisper? And the other girl replied, no, I think it's gross. It is kind of gross. Yeah, you have to get really close to someone's ear. And also, like, when you're on the

receiving end of a whisper, you can kind of like... It's breathy. You can hear that. I actually used to get in trouble from an ex-girlfriend of mine for whispering. Like, we'd be alone in my apartment, but it was nighttime, and I just always used to get in trouble from uh an ex-girlfriend of mine for whispering like we'd be alone in my apartment but it was nighttime and i just always used to whisper anyway she's like why are you whispering we're the only ones here i'm like i don't know i just do it at night i don't want my mom to get mad that's yeah i guess it was just ingrained like even though i'm an adult

man with my own apartment if it's like nighttime and we're going to if it's betty by time when was the last time i can't even call it betty by time when the last time i whispered was like when was last time i was like when you're at a comedy show and you were saying something snarky i think i would just go hey check this out i would just talk lower i talk lower i don't but i don't go hey come here hey guys everybody's got that's your secret everybody's except for me and my monkey why why is everything so unnecessarily fake. This is the creepiest part of the podcast.

There should be a whisper auction. I'm sure somewhere there's a worldwide whisper convention where people go and the whole thing. Oh, the www?

See? www.www.com Worldwide Whisper. That's their website. Welcome to Worldwide Whisper Con. Hi, everybody. Welcome. I'm very glad to have you here.

It's so great to be here at Worldwide Whisper Con. Anyways, this could go on forever. Yep. And now, Ivan, this brings us to the end of the show. I know you have things to plug, because you've got a show that you run every week. It's called Jokes, Please.

Jokes, Please at the Little Mountain Gallery. What day of the week is that? Thursday nights at 9 o'clock. I'm real busy. Look for the comedy show tonight sign that I built with my... That's very good, actually. Is it a sandwich board? No, it's like a light box.

Like a light up. Ooh. Yeah. Built out of a piece of glass. I was very concerned it was gonna light on fire for, like, a week after I made it. It looks really good. Yeah, it could work. What concerned you? Was there a stick to it? No, it's just like, I've never... I don't know, like,

if you're allowed to put four light bulbs in a box and then turn them on with no ventilation. I guess you're not. Yeah. Yeah, I guess probably not the greatest. Because a light bright or like an Easy Bake Oven was a light bulb. That's going to cook. But that's one light bulb.

We're talking 460 watts, baby. That should really cook. That's like 240 watts. Yeah. So this show happens every Thursday at 9 on 26th and Main. It's a little bit around the corner. It's a bit of a weird place. People know where it is.

Yeah, it's where rap battles happens. It's where Ring-a-Ding-Dong Dandy happens. So there you go. And anything else to plug? You're a man on the go. You're always doing shows and stuff. I am going to be headlining. Jen Kirkman's coming to town

to do the two... Your headline? She's opening for you? No, no, no. She's doing the Friday and the Saturday, but the Thursday before that, she didn't want to do

the Thursday show, so I'm going to be headlining that. It's on June 7th, I believe. June 7th. There you go. And yeah, see Ivan Decker perform live. It's worth the trouble.

That's at the Comedy Mix in Vancouver. That is at the Comedy Mix in Vancouver, yes. And you're at Twitter. You're at ivan decker you got rid of iv4n decker did get rid of iv4n uh and um oh sorry it's june 12th june 12th okay that's why you have your phone out yeah yeah uh yeah santa baby or whatever s Santa with muscles. Yeah, the real Santa Claus. I can't wait to listen back to this and find out what I was not listening to. And then I'm going to tweet at you immediately and be like,

Hey, this is the line I should have said. And yeah, speaking of shows, I do one each and every Monday. Yeah, at the Havana Theater. If you like comedy comedy there's two choices for you every week monday the havana theater thursday little mountain gallery and do we have anything else we have to plug uh go to maximum fun.org to see recaps of every episode we'll have uh pictures and videos of things mentioned on the show. Buried treasure, maybe? Yeah, Alan Thicke.

Unusually, unnecessarily thick. Unorthodoxly thick. Is he a chakram supercut? Oh, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Can you write down what that is? I'll tell you how to spell chakram. Yeah, please.

And thanks for being our guest, Ivan. It was a lot of fun, man. It was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. It was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. It was my pleasure. The pleasure is everywhere. The pleasure is everywhere. If you want to tell your friends about the podcast, that'd be rad.

And if you want to come back next week, you can. Who, me? Yeah, no, yeah, absolutely. You can come back next week and join us for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported