Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 321 - Chris Locke

Episode Date: May 12, 2014

Comedian Chris Locke joins us to talk posters, Donald Duck, and patio drinking.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 321 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's very excited that it's 321 because it's 321 Blast Off. Exactly. Our 321 content?

Yeah, 321. Everybody get out. This is a robbery. When you rob a bank, you technically have to count down. Yeah. Everybody get out. This is a robbery. When you rob a bank, you technically have to count down. Everybody get out. This is a robbery. Except you with the money. You stay. Someone leave me the code for the money.

Is it 321? Everyone get out. It's a robbery and I'm feeling sad about it. You come back in one by one when I address you by name. Look, I want to be a bank. Okay. I don't want. Look, I want to be a bank robber, but I don't want all the attention. I'm just doing it because I like the craft. Starring for Ruth Abalk and Neve Campbell.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Nice work. Yeah. I don't love the craft of bank robbering. I like the movie. I love the movie. God, the bank robber.

Write it down Trademark Trademark But I am going to use Witchcraft when I rob you Yeah yeah yeah And I'm going to wear Fishnets Oh my skin is drying up

Give me the money Or it's going to get Even drier That's all That's the only Witch spell I could think of Really dry skin

That voice That third voice You hear Is our guest this week First time Ever on the podcast Oh yeah, big time Yeah, and so glad to have you here First time, big time

Yeah Very funny comedian, Mr. Chris Locke Oh yeah, that's great Thank you so much I'm glad to be here I'm very glad to be here It's hard for me to get here a lot Because of the location

Oh yeah So I made it Thank you Well thanks for coming yeah and uh those have been great those are the three rules of podcasting location location elocution like uh elocution is actually first but yeah elocution is where you walk around with a book on your head i think it's when you like you, sit in that chair at the end of your death row stint. Electrocuted to hell. Yeah.

Do you guys remember there was a movie called, what was it called? The Shocker or something? It was about a guy who gets... Two in the pink and one in the stick. Yeah. There's a few movies about the Shocker. This one was in major theaters. Yeah, this one somehow made it past the censors.

Yeah, the guy gets electrocuted, and then he kills people still as an electricity man that comes through light bulbs. Yeah, he comes through light bulbs and televisions and stuff. What do you mean, comes through light bulbs? What do you mean, what do you mean? He comes out of light bulbs. Do the light bulbs have to break? Or can he break through the light bulb? Or does it even break?

I don't know. Or can he break through the light bulb? Or does it even break? I don't know. I remember him bulging out of a TV screen and grabbing a guy by the throat and being like, See, I told you! Because he said, I'll be back when he gets electrocuted. You should have listened to me when I was mad and dying.

You were wrong to ignore my warnings. Yeah, and then the guy's like, This TV sucks.'t that scary yeah you were right still change change the channel that would be a great sequence if that electro show guy was on every everything that you change to right like he's a guest on letterman and then he's like they've done the movies where that happens yeah wasn't it oh there's a simpsons where uh there's the john ritter one oh remote control remote control stay tuned stay tuned yeah acting like you don't know imdb with the craft reference that was crazy i saw the john ritter one i think in markey post oh my god uh In a movie theater It was like a Saturday afternoon

And I guess I was probably 10 years old Or maybe 11, 12 And we were driving down Dunbar Street In Vancouver and I noticed Oh it's playing at this movie theater And my dad was like alright go He gave me 10 bucks

And was like Do you remember how you felt about it? I think it was maybe my first time seeing a movie by myself. And I was like, yeah, this isn't right. Should we get to know us? No. Oh. Because there were girls in my class that were also there.

And then it was like, yeah, Dave's a weirdo going to a movie by himself. Why did he put on that trench coat just before he went to the theater? Yeah. And get on that other guy's shoulders. But they were seen Stay Tuned as well? Yeah. They were weirdos too. But they were as a group.

Yeah. Oh, because all the girls in my class had pictures of John Ritter inside their locker. There's no way. Yeah, of course. Yeah, he was the hottest thing. Like a picture of him falling over a couch. Yeah, classic. Girls in my class were really into physical comedy.

Crap falls. Nice. Okay, do you want to get to know us? Yeah, absolutely. When you were in school, who was the poster boy that ladies would put in their locker? Or who was the poster girl that you put in your locker? Poster girl? That was NWA.

Seriously, the only time I had a poster in my locker was NWA. Yeah. And then were teachers like, oh, we don't know what to do with this Chris Locke character. Yeah, they were like that for various reasons, but that was one of them. For sure. But I was like, you're right, NWA, let's do this. And then I'd go into class and fall asleep so you you would have a poster of nwa yeah to pump you up yeah like sort of as a motivator or just to remind me like there's better things out there than learning

than learning yeah there's running from the cops. Yeah. And just hanging out with friends. Yeah. So it was something to remind you of the better things. Yeah, wearing all jeans, shades, Raiders clothing. Yeah. I basically kept the poster up to remind me that I'll never unfortunately get to wear Jerry Curl. I don't know if you remember NWA. Yeah.

Yeah, of course. easy and ice cube had major jerry curl yeah remember that ice cube is really did the full transformation from scariest to least scary yeah dude in uh entertainment not even i don't know dr dre yeah good point dr j doesn't he advertise like sprite, Sprite or something now? Dr. Pepper. Yeah, earphones. Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper, of course.

Of course. Sprite. Well, and even Snoop Dogg. Snoop Dogg has probably, like, gone from killing a cop to, you know, just like a lovable... Didn't he do an ad for pistachios or something like that? Yeah, probably. But he also literally thinks he's, like like a reincarnation of Bob Marley. Yeah, I don't know if he really thinks that.

Oh. I mean, while his pistachio contract, he signs the name Bob Marley. Yeah. Bob Marley's ghost. Calm. Like, you know what I mean. Yeah. Calvin brought us.

Like, in brackets. You know what I'm talking about. You heard about that for a week, right? Snoop Lion? Yeah. Anything? No? Okay, Snoop Dogg. Trip to Jamaica. Yeah, yes. about you heard that you heard about that for a week right snoop lion yeah anything no okay snoop dog trip to jamaica yeah yes call me snoop lion snoop dog yeah okay so nwa yeah that was your locker i think i honestly i think i had two posters and it wasn't in high school okay it was in grade six actually i gotta admit And I had two posters.

It was NWA and a Ferrari. It's true. Yeah. It was something about having a picture of a car that kind of meant nothing to you. Both posters meant, yeah, man, live fast. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like seize the day or whatever. I wonder, like... Because I had posters on my wall in my bedroom And they were posters You know when you go to a store And they have a A giant book of posters On the wall

I'll still look through one of those If I see one I'll go through the entire The entire rack of winners or whatever But like A locker Is that the only reason like Tiger Beat magazine exists is because they don't make locker sized posters? It's totally. I think so. You just would have to cut them out of a magazine and be like, yeah, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, that's my jam.

Now and forever. Or like, yeah, you could make, I guess. No, those posters were strictly for at home, and then later for your dorm room. Oh, yeah. And then much later for your adult apartment. Frame them. I still have all my Fred Savage posters. When you get your studio apartment.

That would be weird, because, yeah, were girls into Fred Savage? He was definitely in, like, the Tiger Beat into fred savage he was definitely in like the tiger beat uh you know he was one of the he was a tiger yeah i think that's what it's about right who's a tiger yeah who's a tiger now and it's just children because every one of those shows from that era had like two or three uh babes yeah it would be like Zach and Slater From Saved by the Bell Or Jason Sinsley

Or Luke Perry But like No one No one had Paul Pfeiffer From the Wonder Years No one had What's he allergic to

This month Yeah People had to make Their own Paul posters With markers And crayons One day I'm gonna be Marilyn Manson It's true Oh yeah Yeah, people had to make their own Paul posters with markers and crayons. One day I'm going to be Marilyn Manson.

It's true. You guys know that's true, right? Both him and the guy from Mr. Belvedere are Marilyn Manson. Yeah, there's actually... You mean Mr. Belvedere was Marilyn Manson? No, no, no. That would rule. Really? Mr. Belvedere is his manager.

Yeah. But like wrestling style He's like Leslie Marilyn Anyways That's Mr. Belvedere That's a pretty good Mr. Belvedere Marilyn, clean your room

That's pretty good, yeah That's not bad I met Yucks all weekend Marilyn God I did get those university posters Thanks. Yeah. Well, I'm at Yucks all weekend. Maryland. God. I did get those university posters from that book of posters or whatever when I went to university for one year. Oh, what was, yeah, there was a.

And I hate to say it, I'm one of the guys that got, that did this, like, can you swear on here? Yeah, yeah. I fucking did the Scarface poster. Oh, nice. Yeah. Swear worthy, right? Yeah. Well, you were already on the? Yeah, yeah. I fucking did the Scarface poster. Oh, nice. Yeah. Swear worthy, right? Yeah. Well, you were already on the track with NWA.

You were into the culture. And I'm the most nervous, polite, don't want to get in trouble guy. Whenever you sell cocaine. I guess I look vicariously through. Yeah, exactly. You bought them out of a book? Well, they'd send around a book. You bought them out of a book? Well, they'd send around a book.

Remember, they would come once a year and they'd set up in the lobby or whatever? Yeah, in the student union building or sub. Yeah, and I'd be like, do you have poster A363? And they'd be like, hmm, good choice, Scarface. Scarface, take me to your dealer. What Scarface really learned in college. No, I definitely, I don't remember the book, but I remember them setting up in the sub. What was it called? It had a weird name.

Maybe it wasn't a book, but it was like a catalog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got super stoked because you're like, what is my personality? How can I shine through? Who am I really? Oh, yes. A Cuban gangster. Maybe I believe the inner me is a mosaic of stills from Star Wars that make up a Yoda face.

Yeah. What did I? I definitely bought. I bought like, I think it was probably like a Jack Kerouac poster or something like that. Yeah. I had a Breakfast Club one. Which is ironic because you are, it's in, he's trapped in a room.

He's not free to be on the road. Oh, I just, I wore it like a cape. I wore it around it like a cape so he got to see the world. Oh, nice. Yeah. This is Mr. Sub. I had a Breakfast Club one, and it had the writing from the essay that he writes at the end. We are a basket case, a pipsqueak, a criminal.

A shithead. But there was a misspelling, there was a typo. case. Pipsqueak. A criminal. A shithead. But there was a misspelling, there was a typo and it said, and a criminal. That was probably the only way they got it passed to sell it as a poster. Like, parents were like,

can you not make the word fully criminal for real? And they're like, well, what do you suggest? Criminal? How about nan-a-mole? Yeah. Did you guys hear that? Everyone was freaking out. They're like, oh, Wolf of Wall Street's going to be the new Scarface now, and all these

ding-dongs are going to idolize that. And... But isn't it kind of like, that's great it's like doesn't that sort of like help us get rid of weirdos yeah they idolize the shitty idiots that get killed he doesn't get killed well and wolverine gets arrested whoa whoa whoa spoilers oh really oh wait a minute i forgot it was real life yeah it's kind of a foregone conclusion. But yeah, it feels like Scarface, everybody who loves that icon of him stops watching the second he pulls out the machine gun. They're like, and that movie is done. I assume that he kills all his enemies.

I assume the rest of the movie is them saying hello to his little friend. Every time they watch the movie, yeah. It's like, yeah, Scarface, get him when he's spraying them with bullets. And watch the movie, it's like, yeah, Scarface, get him when he's spraying them with bullets. And then from upstairs, it's like, guys, dinner. And they're like, yay. They scamper upstairs. They never see him get shot.

They do that thing on the stairs where they fall over because they're running so fast. No, they just released like a dickhead special edition freeze frame of him with a bunch of guns. Yeah. And then, yeah, Scarface opened up his own cocaine business. He became the 40th president of America.

They ate CGI buns and breads and croissants all around him. And a bakery. Yeah. Scarface opened up his own bakery. Yeah, it's powdered sugar he has all over his face. Also, no scars. Oh, he has a little one. But, you know, it was named after...

It was a remake of a movie. I've seen that one. I actually really like that one. The original? Yeah. The, uh... Scarface. Paul Mooney, I think.

There we go. IMDB. Paul Mooney plays the original Scarface. It's very good it might be pointed at me like I'm I'm actually very impressed though wait but no one remembers Markie post who's marky poe night court night yeah wow yeah christine christina yeah no christine i don't know i had a poster i defend criminals yeah i used to i tried to get a poster over in my locker but her shoulder pads were too big yeah i had a poster of paula poundstone in my locker yeah i had a poster over in my locker as well but uh dan fielding was just behind her drooling like a dog. Doing a wolf whistle. Could there be a sitcom where it was just all horny characters?

Every character was the horny character? There was an episode where he opened up his, what was it, briefcase. What's that thing? And all kinds of vibrating battery-operated toys were in his briefcase. And as a kid, I was like, this is too much for me. I can't handle how perverted this man is.

Yeah, I remember there was an episode where he was like, oh yeah, come back to my place, I have gravity boots. Which are like boots you put on the ceiling and you hang upside down. And I don't know, even now now how you would sex with that uh but for sure that was in two and a half men like they probably stole that for oh yeah because that is the next is or was the next sexy one right oh

like the next horn dog character yeah horn dog oh i don't know i think there's probably well there was like no there was like roz on, there was like... No, there was like Roz on Frasier. Yeah, there was Major Dad. There was Roz on Night Court. Roz on Night Court. There was Roz. What other horny Roz is out there? Top 10 horny TV characters. Go. Oh, God. Well, oh boy, this is great.

Definitely Dan Fielding. Definitely Blanche. Yeah! Oh, shit. great definitely dan fielding definitely uh blanche yeah you know she's uh uh the guy from family guy giggity giggity oh sure you're good at this yeah um you're like the uh encyclopedia britannica of horny so i'm ross from fraser anyone on like that 70s show all of them yeah kind of all of them. No, Fez?

Fez, man. He was getting too much. It was getting weird. He also opened a briefcase. Yeah, yeah. Who else is there? Well, do you know what's weird? It's like Betty White was on a show before the Golden Girls, and she played the horny character, and Blanche, the Rue McClanahan, was on a show prior to Golden Girls, and played the horny character and blanche the room

mcclanahan was on a show prior to golden girls and she played the dumb character oh wow and they flip-flopped oh uh ted danson on cheers oh yeah totally totally yeah yeah that was intense nobody on seinfeld like oh joey on friends he was like yeah he was always like oh man that's like one of my favorite tropes yeah i didn't watch friends a lot it made me weirdly sad for some reason how come no friends i don't yeah that's it no good friends obviously like no i think i just really wanted to be friends with phoebe and i knew it wouldn't be true oh yeah yeah fair no honestly i felt claustrophobic in that apartment in their giant apartment yeah i was like guys do you want to go somewhere else today yeah do you want to go to this coffee shop for hours in the middle of the day there's the but the coffee shop was even more compact right just that couch central everyone

yeah central perk but everyone's walking around it and i was like, let's do something Friends gave me anxiety. That's why you like I like TV shows where everyone's having fun. Yeah, they're like on a mountain or in a park You like the West Wing because everyone's always on the move. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, it's here. Yeah. Oh, it's here. What's there? Who's the horny character on the West Wing? The president.

Yo-Yo Ma. You guys know these shows more than me. Why? I don't have cabes, first of all. Me neither. I don't have a TV at the moment. I download all the hits. Didn't EZE die of cabes? Yes.

And that's still, how did he get it? You know what I mean? I know. Like, yeah, like. Was he Gabes? Did he get Caves from being Gabes? Oh, we're going to get letters. Letters.

Oh, really? Gabes is short for Gabriel, ladies and gentlemen. Did he have Gabriel? Did he, yeah. Did he get Caves, Cable, from the angel Gabriel? Or from Peter Gabriel. Did he get Cabe's cable from the angel Gabriel? Or from Peter Gabriel. Yeah. So you don't have Cabe's

and you don't have a computer. Yeah, exactly. I read books and there's a lot of horny guys. Doing things weird. Horny guys from literature? Sherlock Horns. Sorry.

Yeah. Pip. Pip wouldn't leave that girl alone. That was weird. No, I think Tyrion on Game of Thrones was very horny for a bit, and he got hit in the face. Did I spoil that? I don't know. I've never seen the show it's

really good yeah that's what a lot of people are you watching it dave um yes and no i'm watching i i'm like i'm you're not excited about it i can't i still can't follow it i like i just don't maybe because on the west coast you guys live around kind of real magic for real yeah and then when you live in toronto like you're stuck in a concrete uh garbage bin you're like take me to the world of the dragons you know get me out of here for me it's like when you know it when they had um well like i think all the characters look the same like i can't tell them apart like oh look at this handsome white guy yeah um but then beard and a sword there's so much killing that when there's like a mass killing or a big killing uh it doesn't

register as a big deal like people show their reactions on youtube like oh that guy freaked out when he he uh saw all these deaths and i'm like yeah the thing is like those killings the big killings are always like someone that you thought was the star of the show. Yeah. That's where the reaction comes from. But you want them to be more fun. I guess that's what I want. More fun, sort of like on a beach.

Yeah. More like volleyball. I think I just want like a beach volleyball. Yeah. Can you put lotion on my back? Ah, what the hell? Sword through the head. I thought we were friends. Yeah. Can you put lotion on my back? Oh, what the hell? Sword through the head. I thought we were friends.

Yeah. Does anyone ever say that? Yeah. Yes, actually. That would be great last words. If you got sorted. Oh, but buddy, we had plans. Dude.

Have a good summer. Yes. I signed my sword. Maybe I should watch the show. I feel like I've got a whole blind spot when it comes to Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter. Anything with dragon or dragon adjacent stuff, I don't have it. I just don't know what goes on. I can't follow it.

It's so funny because when I was younger and everyone else was into that when I was a kid, basically, I wasn't. I wanted everything to be, like, super real. Like, I was into Kerouac and all those guys, too. Yeah, yeah. And then now that I'm in my 30s, I get into that stuff way more. And I think it's because the older you get, the Kerouac stuff seems more romantic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, the fantasy stuff is like, yes, take me away from real life.

Like, the older you get, you're like, dragons, carry me away from taxes. You know what I mean? Or responsibilities. Please, just let a dragon blow fire on my face. I'm so bored. Dragon, carry me away from taxes. Or blow fire on my face. Either way. Drag. Carry me away from text. Or blow fire on my face.

Either way. What happened to your eyebrows? Yeah. Fantasy. Yeah, right? I do both, though. I'm still reading super dry real stuff. Like, for example?

I read a really neat short story the other day by balzac oh yeah honoranda balzac the scrotum yeah yeah very dry he was like uh yeah it was very dry yeah talcum yeah freshly shorn tons of talcs. Oof. Oof. Sorry. My, like, I hate this talk, and I started it. Yeah, it's true. And I hate abbreviations, but I'm just trying to hurry up for some reason. What, um, yeah, you got a dragon to catch? What's that?

Take me away. What did Balzac have to say? Um, it's very, actually, it's not that dry a story, but it's but it's not like you know well you're not at a party and it's like oh who's that dancing over there and then the dragon's like bro you know it's like no one you know is that something there's a party with dragons well it's not fantasy is what i'm getting at it's really like it's oh it's just a real person dancing don't worry about it. It's a prince or whatever, but a real prince. I would watch Game of Thrones if it was that.

Just people drinking cocktails. Oh, who's the mysterious new guy? No one. If it was like a combination of girls in Game of Thrones. Yeah. Actually, a really wicked TV show would be like a version of when animals attack but it would just be like when dragons attack and who cares if it's fake cgi whatever let's just make it yeah yeah yeah just get some puppet yeah puppet friends have you guys seen that japanese prank show when the guy dresses up like the velociraptor

chases the person down the hallway i actually very much love that it's very realistic well because would except for the jeans and sneakers the velociraptors like you can see the real man's legs behind the velociraptors legs it is yeah but it's like it's just in the moment yeah you're just seeing a raptor run at you i don't know what i would i guess i would run i guess i would try and at the very least i try and hide i'm so scared of that stuff because for sure i would poo and i don't sorry guys that's all right um can we bleep that out for sure i would beep uh but yeah no like i'm literally i don't like poo jokes but i'm seriously i don't know how to say it. I'm afraid of doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I don't want to get robbed by a gun for the same reason. But, like, do you think, if that was the result, like, they go to all this trouble, they get a dinosaur, they're going to chase this guy, and then that's the result. Like, they're like, that's kind of unarable. What if that happened every time? And then the producer goes up to you like, are you okay? But they're just condescending. They're like, no.

Thanks for freaking out the worst possible way. Do you need some new pants? Don't worry. Oh, boy. We're sorry about the prank. Sorry, guys. There was a while. No, I'm afraid of that, too.

I don't do it anymore. But I used to keep an extra pair of pants at work. But that's the thing. It's like, the day that it happens... Where do you work? Dragons? I work in the... Oh!

No, it's not like I'm afraid of... Out of fear. I'm just... Like, that is my fear. Oh, right. Like, you eat cheese, weird cheese, and then you have to spend the rest of the day working. Yeah, okay. Where do you work?

I work at the CBC. Not at Dragon's Den, though. Oh, weird. Yeah. I didn't know that. Okay. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, okay. A couple weeks on the show, I think with Amanda Brooke Perrin, we were talking about pests. Sure. Mice, raccoons, the like. Yeah.

And we have mice in this house. Or at least a mouse, but let's be real, probably mice. Yeah. Or at least a mouse, but let's be real, probably mice. And I have in our pantry in the kitchen, it's a really sort of shallow shelf that they can reach. Like it only talks about other shelves. Yeah, it's all beauty's only skin deep to this motherfucker. And I put steel wool anywhere I thought mice could get through, and I ca it up with the c-a-u-l-k and uh i didn't choke on it yeah yeah yeah and but mice keeps keep getting

in and so i went and i got uh i got a mouse trap now is this uh the uh the glue trap or like one of the old timey i went to home depot and this is the only time they've been helpful at all and everyone at home depot had an opinion and they were like well do you want to kill it or do you want to uh drill it and when she said do you want to kill it do you want it dead or alive and i was like i assumed the woman meant like do you like, do you want to finish it off yourself? Oh, yeah, because I guess if you put out a glue or trap or whatever, it would just be alive. I have a terrible story about that. Doing something to a mouse. Well, here's mine.

And another person at Home Depot was like, oh, yeah, so many people are getting mouse traps now because uh city of vancouver um we have this new uh and it like the last year or so we've had this sort of composting initiative like the oh yeah you're supposed to leave out your food scraps yeah and uh with your yard trimmings and so apparently the mouse population has exploded not literally that exploded they're eating so much that would actually rule yeah And so apparently the mouse population has exploded. Not literally exploded. They're eating so much. That would actually rule. I did dump my teabag in one of those boxes on the way here. That sounds crazy, but you know what I'm talking about.

No, yeah, it's a good idea. Full stop. Yeah, fine. Yeah, like it's not, I don't it's the results have not been great um i do know the glue traps are horrifying oh well i got one of the old-timey snap traps and uh the first night i put it out i got it on thursday so it's been out three nights thursday friday saturday or no wednesday wednesday thursday friday night and um the first night a um uh i opened up the the morning the next morning i opened up the uh the pantry and uh there was a

mouse and it just got its tail oh so it was it was alive so i got these gardening gloves and i picked up the mouse and carried it out into the alleyway and I was like I guess I put this in the trash it's still alive like I grabbed it and I was like I guess I'll kill it with my hands oh no did you no I couldn't do that oh Dave I was like but as soon as I grabbed it I squeezed

it a bit and it's eyes closed and I was like I guess that did it oh really but no it didn't oh it was just like a sleeping bag like and I'm and I'm like, I guess that did it. Oh, really? But no, it didn't. Oh, he's just like a sleeping bag. Like, hmm. Yeah. And I'm like certified old man, like pajamas and slippers out at six in the morning in the alleyway.

Pajamas and loafers, like if you put on some work shoes. And so I take it out, I throw it in the garbage, and it's still alive. And I'm like, all right, I guess I got to. So I reached in and I just opened up the trap and let it out in the alleyway. And I'm sure. And you're like, tell your friends. That's very nice.

It's fine. But I'm sure it's back in the house already. Yeah. Then the next morning, um, I, uh, opened up the, uh, pantry.

I had more, I got four traps. I opened up the pantry, a clean kill. Oh, okay. All right. Then this morning I opened up the pantry and there were two of them that were

fucking and it killed them both. Fuck. They were having sex on the trap. Yeah. Oh, well, you know, sometimes it's exciting danger yeah

yeah those last two weren't true only the first one all right so uh i would have loved that this because i've seen them at the like the dollar store and like there's ones that come with a like a piece of plastic that looks like yeah okay but i think what i need to get because um because i realize this about myself is that i don't really want to kill a mouse i just i need to get the kind that you trap they're not glue traps but they sort of shut over top of them oh right yeah yeah they get in and then they can't get out kind of style i guess i don't really how. I don't know how they work either or how effective they are. But apparently, according to my neighbor, you have to take them two kilometers away. You've got to take them on like a field trip?

Yeah. Otherwise, they'll come back into your house. Wow. It's, yeah, it's crazy. When I was a kid, we stayed at a cabin. And we didn't know that they had squirrels that were coming and going in the attic. And one night, we were all sleeping. And then we heard this, like, ka-snap, ka-snap. And we were like, what the fuck?

We didn't know that they had put out traps and all this stuff. And then my dad went upstairs. He's like, there's a squirrel with four traps on him. And he's running around. It's fucking so crazy. There's no good way to deal with them, is there? Well, not really. Mice?

Or squirrels? Well, you have a mite story. I was really captivated by yours. No, it's true. And then I started thinking, I might not want to tell mine because it's hardcore. I feel terrible about it. And I almost feel like I tell people the story sometimes to help myself feel better about myself. To get off my chest.

Because it was like 10 years ago and I was living with a roommate, old friend of mine. And he's the dirtiest guy like you know we there were more mice like we basically gave our rent to the mice you know and um why they would give us a shopping list like we like doritos it was so bad and so one night it was like they ran the place it was a really dirty gross old house in toronto and uh one night, it was like they ran the place. It was a really dirty, gross old house in Toronto. And one night I was there by myself playing video games, and I kept hearing them in this garbage bag. And the garbage bag was in a cupboard, hanging on just the wire. Oh, yeah.

That's the only way. It was just hanging by a wire rim. And so the first time I went, fuck this, and went into the kitchen opened it and they all scattered but then i left the door open yeah it was brutal it was it was in between girlfriends so i was living with like another idiot like me you know so like as soon as i move in with a girlfriend another girlfriend again it's like you know clean place yeah whatever and then you're like back on track. I need help. The worst thing is that. It's true.

Not anymore. I'm a bit more responsible. I guess you were living in a really dirty place where. This was like the house was very bad. It wasn't just us. There were many, many mice. But like. Yeah.

We're very clean and there's still at least one mouse. Yeah. Like you can't. Right. There's only so much you can do. I could have said that I wasn't that dirty in this story and you guys might have not have, you might have respected me more. No, I, look, I respect you.

You have no idea how much I respect you. We are a ride or die podcast and you are, I don't know what that means. Ride or die? Kim Kardashian. Yeah. Oh, great. She's so good do you have then what happened I saw a picture of her the other day on the internet and I was like oh yeah

you're like I kind of get it oh yeah I see I see you Kim I see you standing Cam. This is not... I see you standing there. Shapes. Big shapes. Oh, I see shapes. Triangles. Two decahedrons.

So then I left the cupboard door open with the little plastic bag just hanging there. And I was at my wits end, okay? Oh, God. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. plastic bag just hanging there and i was at my wits end okay oh man yeah uh yeah so it really didn't take me long to go back on the couch and hear them playing in there again playing start littling around yeah like making their own version of mad magazine or whatever you know uh just being goofy kids in there. Like, they're just laughing like crazy at me, basically. Right.

Putting up posters of NWA in the garbage bag. And MWA. Yeah. What? Yeah, we should. Yeah. So I so i just i'm like that's it you know um in my mind so i was by myself like you know and then i get up and sneak in quietly grab the plastic bag shut with my hands pull it off the wire, bang it two, three times against the... This is not me.

Okay, guys? Two, three times against the cupboard door. And then, of course, that motion made the bag rip. A mouse flew out of the bag and literally shuddered a bit and died in front of me.

And instantly was like, what have I done? And I was so sad. And we had a balcony door right there, and I opened it, picked it up by the tail, and was like, no! And threw it out into the yard. And then I was so sad forever. And it's literally like, this is therapy, saying it. But I hammered it.

I hammered it like thor's hammer against the wall wow you know i don't think it's that bad yeah i think there are uh that was my wits end yeah at least it it went quickly yeah i yeah i worked at um like when i worked on a gas pipeline like that was one of my like first thing in the morning duties was to empty out all the mousetraps in the office man there was like seven of them always full like every day because it was just out in the morning duties was to empty out all the mousetraps in the office man there was like seven of them always full like every day because it was just out in the field right and so like it was just like the place for my field mice like just get an owl yeah just but then what do you do to get rid of the owl? Oh, yeah. I don't know. A hawk? The owl took my job, guys. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Well, I did think about that. I was like, because my neighbor was saying, oh, yeah, I hear that you have to take them two kilometers away. And so, you know, I might go take them to the forest. And I was like, well, just take them to a field and a bird will eat them. Yeah. It would be so funny to just like release it and then a hawk just like yeah it's like you're just leaving it up to you're just letting someone else do your dirty work and then you film it with your phone you're like hawk eats mouse yeah why don't you put it on youtube dumbass hawk

eats mouse fail um don't do the sticky trap whatever because they get stuck to it their limbs but then they

freak out their bodies and they rip themselves apart oh jesus picture that I don't want to it's too late

like the cause we only ever we only ever found the little turds oh nice until until the mouse was there the other day It's too late. Because we only ever found the little turds. Oh, nice. Until the mouse was there the other day. And it's way, like, you can't imagine how small this thing is.

It's so tiny and cute. I wonder if those little turds came from a mouse that saw a mouse dressed up as a velociraptor. My shimmery mouse pants. Yeah, like, ah! My mouse shorts. We all know how to do the mouse voice Isn't that crazy? Mouse! Wait, are we the voice of the mouse? Oh, yeah, maybe

What's the mouse voice? The voice when you see a mouse The high pitched voice You're not saying a voice of when you see a mouse You're talking about the voice of the mouse. Right? Yeah. Okay.

Well, then why did it say mouse? Why would a mouse say that? It doesn't say what it is. Velociraptor. That's what it should have said. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Come on, Chris Locke.

We are a ride-or-die podcast. I told you that. Right now, I'm dying big time. I'm dragging behind the bike. Ouch. Ouch! Mouse! Did you guys know that I've never seen a photograph of Kim Kardashian? She's kind of like

rhombus shaped. She's got a real rhombus on her. She's like a bunch of pictures that learn how to draw cartoon characters and they first start with just circles. You just stop at the circles. Yeah, that's Yeah, like it'd be really easy to make like a balloon art of her yeah, I just get four balloons

Those cartoon instruction books are on yay loves those four balloons When you're learning how to draw Donald Duck, they always skip five steps. The steps that take it from circles to Donald Duck. Yeah, exactly. Circles and rods and... And then finish.

And then he's always... What's Donald Duck's deal? He's always trying to steal peanut butter. Yeah, yeah. He's always getting into your cupboard, stealing your peanut butter. Or your pretzzels i'm not one of those guys that does a donald duck voice oh you're not no i thought that used to be your big closer yeah well yeah i you know well this is donald duck in traffic yeah i think that would sound a little something like this that's donald Duck being ripped in half By a glue trap

Imagine in the morning you open your cupboard There's just duck feet stuck to the glue trap Yeah you misjudged what was in there A couple feathers leading to a bag of flour He loves that flour Or peanut butter He's got to make, he's got to,

time to make the donuts. Donald Duck. It's not bad. Yeah. It's not either Donald Duck or a demon that comes out of your face. Get out of my house.

Be a doctor. I'm Mickey. That's what he'd say, right? Go to sleep. Okay. Everyone had that shirt when they were a kid, right? With Donald Duck's face on it. It said, go to sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and him putting a finger over his beak. Right? I love that. Oh, man. I can't believe um speaking of beaks i can't believe michael bay put lips on the ninja turtle we did talk about oh you did i'm not gonna okay lips and nostrils i like speaking of this fantasy stuff now like it's true i wasn't into that forever but i follow this web or or this blog called I09. Do you guys know that one? Yeah, I know it, yeah.

So every morning now, just for the last year, because I just started following it, now I know everything about, like, all superhero movies, all kids' cartoon movies, and I just read it like the news. And I was never into it before. But now I'm like, yeah, man, lips on the Ninja Turtles, what the fuck? You know? And I never cared. I don't know why, because didn't, it was Michael Bay. it before but now i'm like yeah man lips on the ninja turtles what the fuck you know and i never cared i don't know why uh because didn't it was michael bay like didn't he do the transformers

he just took exactly what the transformers were and just made that into a movie why does he got a i know he's got a monkey around why does he just love our toys oh i have a question who cares you can still watch the old things that you like. He's just making a new thing. I know. I just want the legacy. All anybody wants is him to include Krang, right? Is like, how come you didn't make Krang part of the plot?

Is he not? I didn't know that. Yeah. Shredder. Sure. But I'm going to double down on who cares. No, seriously, though. Krang.

What would io9 have to say about this? They're objective. Yeah. They let the commenters have their say. And they are freaking out. Have you logged in and commented on anything? Yeah. No, I just go, hello.

Hello. Yeah, tons of O's after. Hello. Hello. Hello. Is first still a thing on comments, or is it like a... Oh, where you're the first commenter? Yeah, the first commenter. I haven't seen that in a while, to be honest.

I think it sort of jumped to the... It would be kind of fun if you could be last. What other blogs? Last. Yeah. What blogs do you guys follow on FB? On FB? On Facebook?

Yeah, yes, please. Whose blogs on Facebook do I follow? What blogs do you guys follow on FB? On FB? On Facebook? Yeah, yes, please. Oh, yeah. Whose blogs on Facebook do I follow? Yeah. Whose posts do I read? I follow... I don't follow blogs on Facebook. Oh, okay. I use something called Feedly.

I used to use Google Reader, but they shut that down. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's true, because they don't want people reading. Well, just... Because then they'll educate themselves. Right. Yeah. And there'll be revolt, man.

Rise up. Yeah, man. Because then people will start reading their terms and conditions of their gmail keep us docile who's that character uh the secret guy from the shadows i don't know keep us docile yeah but i don't really have favorites like i read I read, like, I have them categorized into, like, sports blogs and music blogs. But I, like, I just read the category. Like, I don't even go into the individual blog. Yeah. So it'll be, like, I don't know, 10 music blogs all at once.

Isn't it weird how we are so specific? Like, how specifically we shape what we see each day? Like, we think we're reading the news but then you go and try and talk about it with people and they're like oh you just super follow specific sections of specific blogs yeah like they're talking about what's happening in the um on the news and you're like these lips yeah turtles yeah i know i'm upset i'm just as upset as you guys but did you see that dog that stole Those softball players baseball gloves?

Oh man, it's so cute It's so amazing It's like, oh yeah 12 murdered in Ukraine revolt And yeah, and also The rhinos in Spiderman Can I wait? Yeah, I can wait 2000 people uh yeah two thousand two thousand people are

missing in a landslide in afghanistan and uh emma stone did a pretty good lip sync on jimmy fell yeah which i will read first yeah just to make sure you open the sad news keep it in the window then you keep putting it to the right yeah as. As you read it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Anyways, too real, guys. Yeah, right? Thanks for bringing it up. It's not me.

It's the world. Yeah, I understand. I get it, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Can't bring us down. They keep us down. Ride or die.

Shadows. Ride or die, you guys. Ride or die. Hang on. What does that mean? I don't know, but it's in the room. It's definitely a Rough Riders DMX thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which I don't really know about it's in the room. It's definitely Rough Riders DMX thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I don't really know about, okay?

No, that wasn't my crew either. That was like a college, yeah. I was NWA. Yeah, my rap crew was more like, my rap tastes sort of go from Macklemore to Ryan Lewis. Yeah, yeah. And everything in between. Mm-hmm, yeah. Now, Graham. Yes, sir, what's up with you?

Yesterday, see, we've had a dose of summertime just like cropped up in Vancouver. Oh, and by the way, it's not super hot today? No. I'm boiling. Yeah, yeah, we're all sweating in here, but you know, maybe it's just the hot talk. It's a day of hot topics here on the podcast i am wearing denim oh no i've i have soiled myself oh no dave go get your extra pants i kept them at work i'm at home now no pants at home so like yesterday it was it was like it

was nice and sunny and like uh like i I gave into the summertime thing of, I'm going to go have some drinks on a patio. And man, I forgot that by 8 o'clock at night, you're cooked. And then by 11 o'clock at night, I'm already having the hangover from earlier in the day. I'm already working through, but I'm awake for the whole thing. I'm going through all the things that your body would do when you're asleep. And you're with Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where is Justin Bartha? Where is Marky Post? But yeah, that's what I did yesterday. I know, two beers on a patio in the afternoon right like sailors not delight exactly yeah so i just i did that and and i think that's it for me for this summer like i'm not gonna do it again and it was i don't know what it was like how you were talking about upstairs. It's like you used to be able to just whatever, just whenever, whatever, drink whatever you want. And now, like, yeah, exactly what you said, like two, well, I think it was three beers, but three beers on a patio. I think it was the mix.

I don't know. I sort of like I, when I was, I never drank until I was legal to drink. And then even then I was like, oh, beer tastes gross. Oh, vodka tastes gross. So it took me a long time to even like anything. And then now there's like a few drinks I like, but I'm summertime. I'm like, oh boy, I'm lining up like my 10 favorite cocktails. Yeah.

Well, that would be fun. I guess I should have done that instead of having basically three things of bread in the middle of the day. I should have had a fun summertime cocktail. Yeah, that is what it's like for me now, too. It just turns you into an anchor. That's why I just do gin. My wife and I actually started uh having like an actual gin martini or like in the evening together yeah well i don't know if that's a sign of a good or bad

marriage like we need my day of wine no it's actually very very nice and like man that is a cozy drink that really makes you feel cozy do you put. Do you put something on the hi-fi? Yeah. Some second wave of lounge music. Late 90s. Whoever's the best xylophone player right now, that's who we put on.

Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, it's just very... I actually come home, take off my track pants and put on a suit. Yeah, like Mr. Rogers. Yeah, yeah. I put on a suit, talk to puppets, make a martini. Well, I think we are all getting, because you were saying all your favorite,

we are getting to a cocktail age more. Yeah. Right? Maybe that's it. You guys are all in your 30s, right? Yeah favorite, we are getting to a cocktail age more. Yeah. Right? Maybe that's it. You guys are all in your 30s, right? Yeah. Maybe it's cocktail time. I mean, I could play 25, but.

I can play 25 that drank a weird potion. Yeah, I could play 25 in a Body Switch movie. I could play a 25-year-old if the 25 the 25 year old is the guy that gets dumped toxic waste on in Robocop yeah but last year was my first year with having a back patio oh yeah

and that like a restaurant patio or a bar patio is one thing but oh like I never i've hated summer my whole life i sweat too much i get too hot i uh i sunburn i i don't like the heat at all i can't sleep at night but having a back patio like chain changed it for me it was like night and day and i just like i can i can put my feet in the grass i can roll around in the grass like a dog and then yeah like like having a drink having a drink on the patio you can eat a little grass

if your tummy's upset yeah oh grandpa did that today yeah it's adorable when a dog eats grass no and then immediately barf. Oh, that's adorable, too. Cleanse. Yeah. Binge purge. People do that for real. Oh, I should, yeah.

Next time I go on a patio, I'll just grab a little handful of grass. Or go to a health drink place and be like, I'll have a wheatgrass shot. You know, like what this dog is having. dog is having. Can I do a slow shuffle and then barf up like a neon green with strands of grass?

Too real. Too real. Would you like to move on to a bit of business? Yeah, let's. Do you want to start? Sure. Actually, why don't you start and I beatbox. Okay. Stop podcastingself is supported by Squarespace, the all-in-one platform that makes it fast

and easy to create your own professional website. I'm talking S to the Q to the U-A-R-E space. Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good all in all. It's a simple drag and drop uh interface so like really easy you like a i'm not a computer savvy now we were talking earlier in the show about uh fantasy movies when you say dragon drop do you mean there's no dragon involved and i even if it did

i can't keep track of dragon stuff you don't know from dragons i I really don't. They offer 24-7 support, which is like, oh man, that's like most days and most of the time. Yeah, yeah. Like any time, like it's four in the morning and you're dragging and dropping. And you're like, what? Oh man, what? You can call them. They'll need more information than what? Oh man, what?

Now, they also have this new logo creator. Okay. Where, you know, you don't need to hire a designer. You don't need to be a designer. You don't really even need to have an eye for design. And you just create a simple logo design using the thousands and thousands of fonts and images at your disposal. It's like trying to draw Donald Duck.

Who has the time? Not Squarespace. And not me. For a free trial and 10% off your first purchase, go to squarespace.com and enter the code SPY. Squarespace. A better web starts with your website. Hello, Donald Duck.

Can I just chip in and say that I use that product all the time? Do you really? I'm wholly satisfied. Seriously? Yes. All right. Thanks for chipping in. Do you want to move into overheard?

I sure do. Have you made vacation plans yet? The second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is ready to set sail this summer, and we want to see you on board. Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music, and beautiful Caribbean views. It all takes place July 25th through 28th, en route to Nassau, the Bahamas. And frankly, we've impressed even ourselves with this lineup of bullseye favorites.

You've got Moshe Kasher. I was in an airport recently. You ever see somebody and you're just like, oh, so you're what's wrong with everything in the world. Kyle Kinane. Anybody else in here get so drunk last month you had to call a cab just to take you to Wendy's? W. Kamau Bell.

So complicated, my feelings. Morgan Murphy. I don't know if you guys know what a facelift is. It's when they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face. And in that little space there, that's where they find your self-esteem. And besides them, Greg Barron, Chris Fairbanks, Karen Kilgariff, Natasha Leggero, Guy Branham, Tony Kameen, and Carol Kolb, plus an awesome music lineup hosted by John Roderick of the Long Winters and featuring our pal Gene Gray. Come on, what else are you going to be

doing? Don't miss the funniest weekend of your life. Get your tickets right now. Go to boatparty.biz. Yeah, that's right. Boatparty.biz. Yeah, that's right. Boatparty.biz. The Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Comedy. Music. Shuffleboard. Over.

You know one thing I like about Hope? It floats. Yeah. We learned that the hard way. I had a float. From the movie Gravity. I had a float in Seattle. I didn't watch the movie Gravity. Yeah, with my brother.

A float like with root beer with ice cream? Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck, man. The menu was weird. Fuck, dude. The menu was super weird because it had, it said floats, and then it had six flavors, and it was like chocolate, vanilla, root beer, Coca-Cola. And you're like, what's ice cream and what's the drink?

Oh, yeah. And then you just get vanilla ice cream, and then you go to the soda fountain. It was a super... D-I-Y-E. My wife and I just did a little road trip down to the Keys in Florida. In the Florida Keys. Oh, yeah, and we saw those guys and they're doing great. There's a place called Coco Mo.

We did not see Cokes. That's where I want to go to get away from it all. Dave's harmonies are what keep the album set. There we go. Tacos, I don't understand. Here we go. Itos, I don't understand. Here we go. It's Kokomo time. Here comes the chorus.

Way down in Aruba, Jamaica, we got a lot to do. Bahama, come on pretty mama. My glove.

He just sings from the top of his throat. Bahama, come a pretty woman. My glove. Feel like a funny woman. He just sings from the top of his throat. We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow. We'll try to get there as fast as we can. That's where we want to go. We have to get away from things. I like something about a steak. from things?

A whom? A right? A something but a steak. What do the Beach Boys need to escape from so bad, Beach Boys? I don't know. Like,

let's get away from here. Charles Manson. Yeah, yeah. They got rid of that connection. Well. What,

Dennis! What happened in your, when you went to the Florida Keys? Well, it was just like what you're saying about the floats we what'd you call them floats the floats yeah you were talking about floats is that what you call the florida keys i don't know no the drinks we were at the float see you don't remember because you sang kokomo for three years you were talking about root beer. At college, they were like, pick a major.

I was like, alright, Kokomo. There's so many ideas of what Kokomo is really about. It's amazing. And you had floats in the case. No, but flavors. Sort of loose connection. We were driving in the rain. Roof on the car thankfully and we

pulled into a dunkin donuts because uh one of us wanted a tea uh i think kathleen did because i do not want peppermint tea so we pull up and i'm driving so i talk to the speaker and i say can we get a peppermint tea and you know we don't go to dunkin donuts we don't really know about it that much and uh she goes sorry we don't have peppermint tea and i'm like don't go to dunkin donuts we don't really know about it that much and uh she goes sorry we don't have peppermint tea and i'm like i look at kathleen she's like i'll just get it earl gray so oh earl gray please and then they're like we don't have earl gray and we look like what kind of teeth you have and she goes for tea uh all we got is uh vanilla caramel double fudge and i was like tea what are you talking about those are syrups and then we just couldn't stop laughing and kathleen got like a black coffee and then we

got i would have got double fudge tea yeah me too yeah we got duncan donuts version of timbits which are just called like hole buddies or something i forget what it's called duncan's hole that's the next air bud movie duncan's hole um gross overheard in the sand oh sorry overheards a segment in which if you're a person that goes out in the world you're gonna hear things and then you report them back here to the podcast and we always like to start with the guest hi are you ready thanks hello i'm the guest i'm wearing his hat he's lying i overheard someone saying they were wearing a hat uh can i do two yes because i wanted two in a row or do you want to go around i want to do one and then i want to come back Okay

And then seal it up Like bookending I call them wound sealers Gross Yours is gross It's like the cauterizing overheard No but you cut the arm You go around, let it bleed for a bit

And then you cauterize it again First blood, remember when he does that? No. What? Oh, I guess it wasn't a scene in Stay Tuned. It might have been, actually. They might have done a spoof. Seems like a Rambo spoof.

Ended up on a channel with a Rambo spoof. John Ritter being like, oh, god damn it. I feel like every movie for 10 years had a Rambo thing in it. It was very influential. Certainly UHF. Yeah. And Hot Chops. Oh in it. It was very influential. It was certainly UHF. Yeah. And Hot Chops. Oh, yeah.

It was very iconic. We couldn't shake it for 10 years. For sure. We tried. Yeah. Okay, so this is a while ago, but I was trying to think today. Oh, guys. I just realized the Kentucky Derby's on today.

Oh, my God. Go horse. That's horses, right? Yeah. They don't shoot horses, don't they? Don't they? No, they might. If they let them run.

If one of them breaks his leg, they absolutely do. They still do. Still, that's the only solution for horse broken. My dog is horse broken. Yeah, yeah. It took a long time. All right, go ahead uh on the streetcar in toronto uh one time i was very rammed in there everybody was rammed in there couldn't move

it was one of those like you know high traffic moments of the day i guess for people that work regularly for ramming yeah yeah i mean, which is actually a slow speed. It just means you're all rammed in there. But, so yeah, we're all squished in, and then I hear this old man say to another guy, and I could tell the other guy didn't know him, but the old man goes, it's a big world, eh?

And the guy's like, yeah, and the guy's humoring him like, yes, that's true, it is, yes, sir. And then he, this is the best part, the old man goes but jupiter is bigger i was like i love this you know that made this oh so much bigger yeah yeah and it's not usually you don't start with it's a big world it's usually it's how how small is this yeah yeah but i think he meant big as in there's no space on the

streetcar, right? But imagine a streetcar on jupes? Yeah. Oh, man. I gotta stop abbreviating. No, you don't. You gotta start abbreviating every other word. That's hard. That's hard. Oh, jupes. That hard.

Too much abrivo. Do you use abrivo? What is abbrevo? I think it's a cold sore medication Oh really? Then no I don't You're like having your Cold sore flag fly

In the pharmacy I actually bring it to the counter And go I don't need this Here's a bunch of products I don't need The pharmacist is like You got got mad cold sores, though. Yeah, yeah. I'm afraid you're wrong. You need this one. They're beauty marks.

They're beauty marks that bother me. Oh, jupes. Do you have an overheard day? Do you know jupes is the French word for skirts? I thought it was kind of candy. Jupes. Jupes? Yeah. Is jupes really a French word for skirt. I thought it was kind of candy. Joups. Joups? Yeah.

Is joups really a French word for skirt? Joup, joups. Yeah, and there's a band from, I think, Winnipeg called Les Joups. And they're not even a French band. Les Skirts. Are they good? Like skirts? Yeah, they're good like skirts.

The lead singer's got a really deep voice. Like all bands from Winnipeg. Not bare naked. Crash test dummies. Bare naked dummies. Crash Test Dummies. Bare Naked Dummies. RCTD from W? Well, that was gross. When you asked R, I thought that was one of the letters.

RCTD. Red Crash Test Dummies? Radio Crash Test Dummies. Yep. You know what? I do have an overheard. All right. Let me stop you right there

I was in a Rap restaurant What? Word NWA's Straight out of Chatter Straight out of Plankton It's a restaurant for whales

Yo can you hold the bun? I'm gluten free. No, WRAP. I got it. We're a wrap restaurant. Sick. And I was waiting for my wrap. I was waiting for them to pass the mic.

When's my turn? Tomato. Lettuce. Okay, sorry. Please don't forget it. Please, Hammer, don't hurt him Please hammer don't forget the lettuce Because hammer works in a wrap restaurant now

That would be great I'd go to hammer's wrap restaurant Everything is served in a giant pair of pants Hammer sam-rages Oh man Sam-rages If I wore hammer pants i'd never be worried about pooping them there'll be so much hammer had sandwiches in his pants yeah not a lot of

people know he had one hoagie in each leg yeah that's what can't touch this sandwich that was so stupid please tell the story i'm so the story. I'm so sorry. Too legit. I'm so sorry. To quit. That's how he actually, he's like, you can't fire me. I quit. Actually, I'm too legit for that.

So please fire me. Yeah, please fire me. I do what I want to do, say what I want to say. Adam's family. All right. So I was full MC Hammer hamburger cattle just covered here i actually don't know that one yeah you don't okay um here we go i'm waiting for my rap and uh i overhear two women talking and i i sort of noticed that they had like a cart like some kind of you know

maybe a stroller or something i didn't really pay attention to it. And one of the women said to the other women, so do people just think it's a service dog? And the other one said, you know, no one's ever asked. And I looked over and it was like a Fendi, like a fancy dog cart. And it was a tiny little Chihuahua in this cart. And of course it wasn't a service dog. What service is that dog providing?

Chilling off. I assume their conversation was like, how can you bring a dog in here? Do people just think it's a service dog? Was it in a purse or just a cart? A cart. In a Fendi cart. The whole cart was Fendi, including the dog carrier. Was there anything that belonged to the woman in the cart other than the dog?

More Fendi stuff. Yeah. Going on a Fendi spending. A wallet. Why? Why? Why are you asking? It could be a service.

Like, can you pass me my Lifesavers? Dog tic-tacs. Okay. Can you pass me your life? The dog is all drooling. Thanks, dog. Get the lifesaver started for me. Can you activate this Retson in these certs?

Would that count as a service dog if it just brought you the newspaper in the morning? Yeah. And your slippers in the evening. And you were blind. Yeah. Yeah. How did dogs do that i guess they would need a dog door to go outside and get the newspaper no him and the paper guy

have an understanding the paper guy brings it in through the window yeah ross yeah thank you it's ross it's very horny um the uh but my i've never taught my dog to do anything useful Like other than No nothing I saw it chase that ball And you don't want that ball running around the house on its own That's true Although we wouldn't have even bought it if we didn't have a dog That's true

Conundrum Which came first the ball or the dog The dog Simple answer The dog I was duck. Simple answer. The duck. I was there. I paid for everything. It was the chicken. I was there. Yeah.

I'm not a chicken. It was the egg though, right? Yeah, of course. Egg from the sky. But that egg came from the chicken. It came from the sky. Everything came from the sky, fell on the earth, had bruises, and a few generations later we were all okay. Yeah, except for the bananas.

Still bruising. Ah, fun. Peace out, bananas. Yep. So is that all the overheards this week? No, I got one! Oh, okay. I have another one.

Oh, man. Who's turn is this? No one cares. My overheard, well, it was said to me. I was at the Value Village. I'll count it. You'll count it? You'll allow it?

Yeah. Value Village for the listener. A thrift. A thrift store. Yeah. Your Macklemore's, et cetera. I went. I thought I was gay.

And then that's Macklemore's other song. I thought I was gay because he kept his room clean. When I was in the fifth grade, I thought I was gay. And then that's Malcolm Moore's other song. I thought I was gay because he kept his room clean. When I was in the fifth grade, I thought I was gay. Because my uncle was. I kept my room straight. And I was good at drawing. I like to suck nicks. Yeah.

I was good at drawing nicks. Anyways. I was standing in line with an old lady who bought a very fancy hat. And her friend came up. How fancy a hat do you get at a Valley Village? Well, this was like it was like a funny like old lady is like going

to do a crazy tea party hat and her friend came up and modeled a hat for her and was like, what about this one? And she was like, I don't know. And the lady walked away and I was like, oh don't know. And the lady walked away. And I was like, oh, what's the, why the hats?

You talked at her? Yeah, I said, why the hats? And she said, we're going to a fancy tea party. Well, she might not be going. That's not her hat that she's picking. And I just thought that was so funny. I was like, oh, you're like throwing shade on your crazy. On your hat pal. Yeah, your hat pal. You're going to this tea party together. But she's like, no, you're like throwing shade on your crazy. On your hat pal. Yeah, your hat pal.

You're going to this tea party together, but she's like, not as you wear a sun hat. So, pretty adorable. In a thrift store, what, like I would never try on a hat given. Oh, the lice. Yeah, the lice. I would never buy one. You can't wash it. Buying a hat is probably not a good idea.

Like, even a... Like, I guess if you saw, like, a really nice suit, you could have it dry cleaned, but I wouldn't take their word for it. Yeah, I, like, there's... I think anything that... I buy a lot of T-shirts from the thrift store, and that's got direct skin contact.

Yeah, but you can wash it. Yeah, anything you can wash. That's true. Buying shoes at the thrift store and that's got direct skin contact. Yeah, but you can wash. Yeah, anything you can wash. It's true. Buying shoes at the thrift store is difficult because you can't wash shoes as far as I know. Unless they're Keds.

What can you do with Keds? Just throw them in the wash? Yeah. Men's hats too. Can you do the same with Converse? Maybe Converse. Maybe Vans. Can you do them in the dryer?

I don't know. What do you do? I think you wash them on your knees like Cinderella. Yeah. Men's hats in thrift stores, too, always have that slight, even if they're new-ish, they have the slight hint of a sweat stain on the band. Right.

Right? Yeah. Like brownish. Yeah, buying hats new is probably where it's at, you know? Yeah, it's unfortunate, but you gotta invest. You know what? It's not. You're worth it. Yeah. Well, look at this hat that i brought today look it's already got the salt

oh wow you're a salt yeah you say already i don't know how old that hat is three years i got it in florida keys seriously yeah i sang it but seriously What's your favorite key? Largo? Oh, you know. No, Montego. No, it's Key West, man. Oh, yeah. Hemingway's house. We did a tour.

Did you? Damn, that guy was cool. I prefer Kanye West. What was in his house? I've never seen a picture of him. I like Kanye. What was in Hemingway's house? What do you see?

What's there? Actually, a million cats. Really? Yeah, and they're all... Like, it's a big part of the tour they almost like do the tour about the cats more than right anyway i'm serious are they like taxidermy cats this is the thing it's like magical it's like a huge family that were generations and generations of the original family of cats that the heminoys had yes oh so

they're all like live cats wow they're all they're all his muses uh-huh no um and do they actually live in the house but they all live in this house and on the property and they run they walk around and they definitely do walk around like they own the place like i'm like like all cats yeah exactly yeah i was just wearing a towel just got out of the i actually think the simpsons reference it because the original cat that the family had uh was called snowball oh and so they are literally like snowball three snowball six oh wow oh yeah huh um yeah so it's like all original cats from the snowball that's some fun facts we just got some fun facts what um have read Hemingway? Yeah, I've read a few.

Have you? Yep. I've only read The Old Man and the Sea. That's a good one. I liked it. It's short. It's peppy. It mentions Joe DiMaggio a lot. That's the one where the man doesn't actually get to make a tuna sandwich. Yeah. You could probably get a sandwich out of it.

But not much more. Really? Yeah. Okay. We'll see. What else should I read? The Sun Also Rises is his best book in my HO. That's the only other one I've read is that. And I had to read it in high school. Oh, that's required reading for you?

That was pretty cool. I guess. Oh, you didn't like it? Yeah, it was fine. It's good. I read it in high school for fun, but then I read it... You know, it's one of those... It's so funny.

You read all these books when you're a teenager, and you're like, yes, okay. And then you read it 10 years later, and you're like, oh. Yeah, I need to read stuff like that and other classics as an adult. Yeah. Like, I only read Great Expectations, like, a year ago. And they were so great. It was... It exceeded my expectations.

And, like, I never read... I assume everyone reads Catcher in the Rye as a teenager and is like, oh, this... I identify with this. And then reads it as an adult and is like oh this i identify with this and then reads it as an adult and they're like oh this guy's the fucking worst yeah that is catcher in the rye is definitely the exception maybe the catcher in rye and bukowski are the exception because when you bukowski you're like yeah um right you're like oh i feel alienated too uh and i'd like beer now yeah i've only seen barfly oh okay but then when you get older you read it and you're like just go out and make friends yeah like is a guy when you when you're

a teenager and you've never met anybody like bachowski right like ah that guy's super cool and then when you meet somebody like in real life you're like yeah shut up yeah yeah and if you watch a documentary like footage of him you're like oh this guy's so shitty man yeah like he's like yelling at all the women and it's really weird it is like that happened to me when i was in my 20s for sure i saw a documentary and i was like you're a jerk yeah like for any of the young dudes who are listening he's pick a better dude oh yeah who what dude henry miller yeah can i tell you why not he married uh marilyn rowe at some point was that henry no no that's arthur miller arthur miller right henry miller wrote joe dimaggio that's right i'm always thinking

joe dimaggio henry miller wrote tropic of cancer and when i was like 20 i think i got kicked out of my house for a summer. And then I got my own apartment after that. It was great. I was wild. But I read Tropic of Cancer at that time when I'm like spending my days in a sunny park in the summer and then crashing at friends' houses. So everything was romantic for a moment. Right.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And then Henry Miller had this like same thing. Like I'm going to Paris with $5 in my pocket. Let's see what happens. So it was so, I think you need a weird situation to be in. But it was really good. Yeah. My only knowledge of him is from the Seinfeld episode.

Oh, totally. With Bookman. Okay, I take it back. Don't read that. You had a second overheard. Yeah, I just wanted to say this. This is like the most literate the podcast has ever been. Yeah, we really, and I...

And I think we faked our way through it pretty well. Go ahead, second overheard. I wanted to tell you guys this one because it's sort of the same theme of the streetcar one. And because I just remember both of these because i thought they were so brilliant and it doesn't happen that often because you know public transit everyone's usually like shy and ignoring each other jupiter is real stormy right i wouldn't want to go there no which one jupiter yes especially this exactly yeah can't breathe you know what i mean but like i was on this subway and um not this one's not that big a deal.

I thought it was cool, though. Stop building it up. I'm sitting on a seat on the subway, and it stops at a stop, and an old man's getting off. And before he gets off, he turns to a young girl sitting on the seat, and he goes, I hope this is Hawaii. Isn't that amazing? Yeah. It was like Osgood

Station. You know what I mean? This is Hawaii. I love that old man. I want to be an old man so bad. You will. Give it time. I mean, I might not.

We could all go to any second, guys. Oh, absolutely. The world's going to end any day now, right? I've got a real i've got money on tomorrow so man i've had yeah money on it for 10 years i gotta hurry up doom doom and gloom um not gloom just doom and joy some doom some joy yeah i'm not gloomy about the doom but like i'm only happy when it's doom. Garbage, garbage. Garbage. Shirley Manson.

It is funny how, like, when you're younger, all the doom and gloom that's in the news all the time, you're like, this is it. We're the last generation. And then, like, the older you get, you're like, I can't keep thinking we're the last generation. I have to get a real job. I know. Well, and also, it's like every generation figures that they're the last one, right? But it's totally us.

Even like thousands of years ago, people were running around being like, don't eat that. The sky will kill you. Yeah. Well, I mean, Abby and I are having a baby. Oh, this is the first time I've announced it. Are you serious? No, I'm joking. I mean, we are having a baby.

Oh. Well, congratulations. Thank you. I did not know that um but we're like well i don't know i haven't we haven't actually had this conversation but in the back of my mind i'm like yeah you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna be the last generation uh see that's how i think too because i would we would like to do that someday soon as well and we were talking about that recently and it's like we have to stop

it's so embarrassing it's actually embarrassing thinking like why should we though because of the way the world is yeah it's like you don't fucking know like we could live in a cloud city like the jetsons like and then we don't have a baby enjoying that like yeah like like the jetson i was very like the Jetsons. Right? I'm very mature now, right? We could be living in the clouds like the Jetsons. It's time to man up.

Yeah. Like regardless of what happens, like we're pretty committed to the fact that our family will be part of the problem. We are not making it on that rocket tour. Oh, no way. The other Earth-like planet. Do you ever think that? No.

Like the global elite get to go to this new Earth crew? What? Terrified. Who would represent the arts? What's it called? Terraformed planet? Who would represent the arts? Yeah, on that.

Because obviously it's going to be people who can like. I'm saying the same thing! Not Ryan Lewis though Thank you so much That's him accepting the ride on the rocket Thank you so much Then he would write a text to Kendrick Lamar Like sorry you couldn't be on the rocket bro

You totally deserve to be on this rocket Kendrick Lamar would be like yo man you work hard for that rocket Yeah I was actually disappointed that Kendrick even responded It's nice sportsmanship But come on Are we still talking about the rocket? I was actually disappointed that Kendrick even responded. It's nice sportsmanship, but come on. Are we still talking about the rocket? Yeah. We also have overheards that have been sent in by people out there in the Jupiterverse.

If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Allie B. in Prince George British Columbia I'm a substitute teacher In a northern town That's like a Bruce Springsteen song Exactly So here's some gems

But this one was too adorable In a grade 10 class I had one boy say Ben I know what we're Doing today Going to Sears and testing out couches that's fun what a great activity for like what's great 10 16 15 this town is called prince george yeah yeah yeah i know not much to do there um test out couches and all the teens are always at the Sears And the Sears employees are Here come the teens

We live in a bigger city So we There's so many stores we could test out couches on That was my whole grade 10 year You could go to Leon's Ikea The Brick I totally did that as a teenager man

I had a mohawk I would sniff glue and be like This couch is too stiff old man He'd be like I'm very sorry sir Who are you calling old man I work here part time I'm in your science class That's funny This next one

What did you do in grade 10 What for hanging out 7-11leven parking line. Pool hall. I skateboarded and barfed for real. You skateboarded and barfed? Yeah, not at the same time. Okay. But that was

my main trick. Yeah, Ollie McTwist. Triple kick, flip, barf. Everyone would be like, yeah! Oh! He landed it. Yeah, he landed it. Oh, look out. Here comes the barf.

I was a really good skater, but my tricks would make my stomach upset. Yeah, you were afraid of success. Then you would barf every time. That's so funny. I'm pretty funny. Thank you, Dave. I know you're funny. This has been so much fun.

E. Z. Yep, now it's not anymore. Oh, bro. This next one comes from Alexa in, I don't know, parts unknown. But she was at Chapter, so somewhere in Canada. And she saw a magazine there. She took a photo of it.

And I just love the title of it. It's Babykins Magazine. Babykins? K-I-N-S? Yep. I'm not allowed to read that magazine. The subheading is For the Trendsetting Child. Yeah. Come on. Come on. Maybe you guys are both going to get subscriptions for Christmas.

Yeah. I do want my baby to be hot and hip as hell yeah yeah i don't want my baby my baby's gonna have a beard right away oh yeah yeah like a captain's hat baby born with a wallet change my baby's already gonna yeah you know like leonard skinner as soon as it's born the coolest thing a baby can like yeah my baby's good ironically of course yeah what's the uh what's the racist flag that leonard skinner has uh confederate yeah yeah my baby's gonna yeah uh no no blacks yeah my baby's gonna be uh get a tattoo of that confederate flag but ironic right like a tramp that'd be so crazy

if doctors actually gave tattoos to babies as they're coming out and just like decides what like you're gonna be this i think that you love djing i think that's the premise of brave new world literary high school um this last one uh comes from James R. Also, parts unknown. He said, I just remembered my wedding, which is a weird thing.

Sorry, give me a moment. I was just thinking about this. This second. Because Abby and I have to come up with baby names. Who wrote Brave New World? Aldis. Do it. Do it. Aldis Huxley? Yeah. Aldis. That's a made-up name, right? Aldis Shumka. Well, all names are made up.

No, no. It's short for Ald... But it sounds short. It's short for... It's long for Ald. It's such a cool name. Aldis Huxley. Aldis Huxley's killer.

We won't. Well, just put it in the maybe pile. Yeah, put it... There are no bad ideas at this point sure do you guys know if it's a B or a G we do

I don't know if we want to put that on the podcast yet yeah so there but let's just say it's human save it for when you have well no

it might be a species it might be oh yeah it might be Natasha Henstridge from Species that would rule which also came out of an egg part of that would rule

the bad part would suck the killing humans yeah the when she showscies. That would rule. Which also came out of an egg. Part of that would rule. The bad part would suck. The killing humans? Yeah. When she shows her boobs, that would rule. I haven't seen it. No spoilers. Does she have a tail with a spike on it? Is that how it works? I always thought that after the boobs. Yep.

That's me. Oh my god, look at Natasha's boobs. Oh, something weird's happening. Stop. I go outside and play. Go outside and play! It was a while ago! Oh, I peaked it. You broke it. It was a while ago. Yeah, you're too loud. Alright, so this is the last of

the written-ins. This is from a man? This is from James R. James R. Martin? Yep. Yes. How did you know? Hi, James. Yeah. Big fan. He's a Game of Thrones guy?

Yeah. So his overheard is, I was wearing that dumb Greek guy hat. Isn't that what he wears? George R.R. Martin? No, it's like a sea captain, but I guess it is Greek. I thought it was like a railroad. That's what the R.R. stands for. George R.R. Martin.

That's Tom Sharpling's idea. Oh. My adopted sister-in-law hope you get your show back I've heard rumors nice my sister-in-law was about three years old at the time this is at a wedding and the marriage celebrant

was up to the you're standing here in the presence of family and friends when a tiny voice from the crowd says, ooh, presents. Cute, right? Yeah. That's why you have kids, guys. For the cuteness.

Absolutely. I laugh so much when people in an audience respond to just a part of a speech. Yeah. As if they're being talked to. Can I tell you one of the funniest things are you guys trying to wrap this no no yeah um my friend tom and i were in waterloo ontario doing a show recently that's where he does where napoleon it's where he yeah he's pretty brutal he didn't die but he ate something he didn't like for sure but uh never again um yeah so oh yeah it was one of like a local comedian was up uh before us

and he started he's just starting when we're standing in the back watching the show and he's just starting his joke and he goes so what i'm doing now is uh i'm a teacher for uh grade four kids kids in grade four and this one guy watching the show in the back goes, oh, yeah. Like we couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like they're at a coffee table or something, like a kitchen table. I love that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Go on. That's good because, like, you know, the comedian's being genuine. Yeah. And it's being real and people are responding to that. Yeah they just get carried away like watching a guy talk

conversationally. Oh yeah. It's hard to say conversationally. I don't think conversely means the same thing right? No it's like an opposing. That's when you wash your converse shoes. Boom. In addition to overheards

that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 206-339-8328 like these people have hey dave graham and magnificent guest this is uh chris from chicago i was uh walking home the other night and I heard this wonderful little overheard I was walking down the street and I saw these two guys walking towards their car and the one guy was saying to his buddy yeah we're going to get a dining room table chairs

it's going to be decadent as fuck that's very cool like Caligula that guy knows we it like oh we're gonna have some crazy dinner parties like sitting down everything decking it as fuck the chairs aren't gonna match the table but it's not gonna matter yeah we're not well we're not a part of the story yeah yeah but it's still gonna be pretty fucking dead yeah the chairs aren't even gonna match each other yeah it's gonna be a It's going to be a rock. It's going to be a rock.

See that run-down old shack over there that's all boarded up? I heard there's a table inside that's decadent as fuck. I bought a candle and everything. I'll straight up kill a guy for a table. Yo, let's order KFC and put it on this decadent table as fuck. Like the decadent family in that KFC commercial.

I don't know why I'm being so judgmental about these guys. Oh, that's the point. Yeah. Okay. We know these guys. I mean, look, we came up with a name for this podcast before we really knew what it was. Yeah. We should be calling it.

We judge you. Yeah. Jerks. We judge the jerks we overhear, or that you overhear. We never judge you listening. We love you. Yeah, you're the best. Keep it up.

Yeah. Keep listening. Yeah. Next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham, it's Patrick Floyd from Omaha. I'm calling in with an overseen. I was just in the bathroom, and I watched a guy eat an apple while he was peeing at the urinal.

Wow. Wow. Yum. You have to like apples? I was going to say you have to like fruit, but really specifically apples. I guess what he overheard was the chomps. Yeah, and he was also... The crisp chomps. No, he said, how do you like these apples? Yeah.

Like a lot. Yeah. Look, the apple is turning into pee right away. I'm processing the water from the apple. That's not possible, right? No. Well, if you're a high achiever, anything's possible. Anything's possible when you're stupid. When you're a stupid idiot that eats an apple out of a urinal?

Yeah. Hush. That's my impression of biting into an apple. Do it again. Hush. Do you want me to do it? Yes, please. Here's a daffy duck eating an apple

so scary that's like a gremlin i love it yeah but it's daffy duck or donald duck oh no i gotta do it again they're all shitty ducks no way whoa whoa daffy's cool yeah he gets his bill blown around that's all I'm thinking about. Do it. Apple bite, please. Daffy or Donald. Right? That's it. Yours is mellow.

Yeah, but that's what an apple sounds like. Yours is like a hippie eating a duck or just an apple? Just an apple. Just... Oh, yeah. Okay, listener, you do it. Oh, that was good. Yeah, that was pretty good.

We door explored it. Here is your final overheard of 2014. Hey, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest. I have an overheard. I'm a manager at a theme park, and I was training one of my people

to deal with guests and how to speak to them and stuff like that, and I always tell them to be really genuine with them and empathize with them if they have problems, anything like that. And I always tell them to be really genuine with them and empathize with them if they have problems or anything like that. So the first big test for this guy was this family that was very upset about something they had bought there was not, you know, not to their liking and stuff. And it was, like other departments in the park where they were more angry at them,

but, you know, they were talking to us because they could tell that we worked there. So I just wanted to see how he would handle it, and I didn't say anything. I let him do his thing. And so keeping in mind, you know, empathize with people, get in their shoes and stuff. They talk about, oh, we paid all this money, and, you know, we're not getting what we wanted. And the guy, he's just kind of nodding his head, and he goes, guys, what can I say? That is just fucking bananas. B-N-A-N-A-S.

Mm-hmm. All right. That expression, she owns that, right? Gwen Stefani. No, she does not. She does not. You don't think so? No, things can be bananas without referencing Gwen Stefani.

I don't know, man. What about Cracker? That song was only such an impact on you, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it came along at a very, very crucial point in my life. You needed it. You needed some solo Stefani. It is bananas right now.

Well, at the time in my life, shit was something, but I couldn't articulate it. She came along and gave it a word. You did it. Yeah. That's nice. I was like, is shit peaches or what? Isn't it? No, it was bananas.

Now, that does bring us to the end of the podcast here. Okay. And Chris, you've got an album out, and you're on Twitter, and you tour around. So tell us, plug some stuff. Well, the album is very fun, I think. Yeah. Had a lot of fun making it. It was number one on Canadian iTunes for two weeks.

The first two weeks it was out. Really? Yeah. That's amazing. It was very nice. Number one in the comedy department. In the comedy department, all right. God.

You weren't defeating Gwen Stefani. It was very nice. Number one in the comedy department. In the comedy department, all right. God. You weren't defeating Gwen Stefani. It wasn't bananas. It was, you know, prunes. What is the name of it? The World is Embarrassing. By Chris Locke? That's right, yeah. That's you.

I know. Locke with an E. That's right. Chris Locke. And actually, funnily enough, not to slow down the show, I met Chris Locke in New York two weeks ago. And he jumped on a show that I was on to work on some new

stuff. And after I took a chance, I went up to him and I was like, I was on before you. I'm a comedian from Canada called Chris Locke. And I always worried that you'd jump on the show. And then people would be like, oh, this is like a shittier white version of Chris Rock and then he goes okay see you later it was so embarrassing but I'm glad I said it. It didn't work out great.

He killed me. I thought it always laughed I thought his laugh was more like yeah me too so that's how I could tell he was faking it. Yeah. No, he just gave me a polite chuckle, but he was like not interested in the story. Yeah. But it was, but yeah, Chris Locke with an E is my name.

Yeah. The world is embarrassing. His album was featured on vice.com. Yeah, that's right. And a bunch of other places are, everyone's being very nice about it. It's nice. Everyone's being very nice about it.

Yeah. I think I might be dying yeah it's like imminent death syndrome yeah like it's good um that's all you can ask people are nice to you about your work yeah what else should i say twitter chris lock chris lock fun yeah is my thing i'll be at bridgetown in a week i don't know this is coming out When are you there? This comes out Next weekend I still have April up on my calendar Yeah you might have missed that

And then I'll be in LA For the last two weeks of May Are you doing shows? Nice So I don't know a lot of them offhand But I'll be around town Nice French toast, sleepaway camp I don't know a lot of them offhand but I'll be around town oh cool nice

French toast sleep away camp I don't know what would they know what are French toast and sleep away hot tub are you doing hot tub I couldn't get on hot tub they're having like a special show or something yeah exactly

no shitty Chris Rocks no Superior come on yeah Yeah, exactly. No shitty Chris Rocks. No. Superior. Come on. Yeah. Did you think about it that way? Oh, really? It was good. Yeah.

Steam coming out of my shirt. Thanks for being a guest on our show, man. Thanks for having me. This was actually huge laughs. I had a lot of fun. Did you think it was going to be? No, I knew it would be huge laughs. I just mean, did you think it was good what did you think it was gonna be no i knew it would be huge laughs i just mean like you know i needed that don't you love laughing yeah i love to laugh yeah i'm relaxed right now like we were just we could have laughed a lot

or we could have sat in a hot tub it's the same feeling yeah oh maybe we can we can the night is young i can just i got a pretty big bathtub. Yeah, I brought my trunks. Let's do it all again. In the hot tub. Do we have to plug anything? The Max Fun Con. We'll be at Max Fun Con, but it's sold out. You can't go to Max Fun Con if you tried.

But try to break in. Ooh, the rival convention across the lake will be having a... Oh, yeah, the fat camp or uh the snob camp yeah mostly snobs yeah it's not a minimum fun camp max hate camp and uh you should go over to maximumfund.org and check out the blog recap uh the show uh pictures and videos relating to the content of the podcast yeah marky post what else should we talk about stay tuned stay tuned sure well i mean that might be the same thing oh uh famous television hornies yeah maybe some of you maybe maybe the beach boys yeah we'll definitely have kokomo yeah do you guys have

listeners in montreal we have one listener in montreal hey buddy regine shasa i'm gonna be at just for laughs in july too i forgot about that. Are you really? Yeah. That's awesome. Are you? No. That's where we first met. Remember that? Yeah.

And we both shook each other's hand being like, people say nice things. That was very nice. Yeah. Sounds like your life

was pretty nice. It was very nice. What are you doing in Just for Laughs? I'll stop recording. Okay. One of those gala things.

Okay. Yeah, if gala things. Okay. If you're in Montreal, check out Chris Lockett. I just wish I promoted it earlier. It's not too late. We did it. If you like the show, go ahead and write a review on iTunes. That won't take you very long. Maybe like Chris's album, write a review on iTunes.

Yeah, and say... Be nice. Yeah, be nice about it guys you know he's you know he's different this is this is no exaggeration it's literally fun

yeah the album Chris Locke fun you listened to it I did say a nice thing it's really fun thank you

yeah why would I say anything otherwise yeah um and uh if you like the show do uh tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.