Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 322

Episode Date: May 20, 2014

Guest-free as we talk about pleasure cruising, benches, honking, and Ugly Kid Joe.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 322 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a man who got told off by Anthea Poon, real estate sales lady at large, Mr. Dave Shumka. Did we both?

Yeah, we both did. I didn't read that blog post. I saw she wrote something, and I was like, oh, I don't want to read this. It wasn't that bad. It's just she sassed us because we sassed her. It was like it was a fair sassing. All right. Yeah.

I mean, that's fine. Like, I don't think we need to bring that up. Oh, okay. I just thought it was a fun little wrinkle, you know? No, I think we're... That's beneath us. There's no equivalent. You can't say, oh, I'm above that.

Yeah. Well, you can, but it makes it sound... Yeah. It's not like you're floating. Yeah. It also makes you sound like you don't want to get involved in any battles. But you do. You want to...

No battling's beneath me no like you know like this thing that I just learned about this Jay-Z Solange battle oh yeah everywhere right so like imagine you're on an elevator right Anthony of Anthony of Poon please stop that's yeah that's someone we mentioned like two three episodes ago yeah but she was referencing an episode where we talked about her a hundred episodes oh really yeah yeah i see i didn't read it yeah well she'll she'll really love it when we talk about her three episodes ago that was the most shocking thing about it was the the episode that she referenced

i was like so we talked about her twice. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I guess there's only so many topics out there when you look at it. When you break things down. Yeah, when you Google yourself. There's only so many. Anyways.

No guests this week. No. Well, we almost had a guest, but then we decided, you know what? We got all sorts of stuff to catch up on, so screw that person. Well, we almost had a guest, and then we were like, we should do a show regardless of whether this guest gets back to us or not. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You guys deserve an episode regardless of this guest.

We like to do just you and me one every 10, and we're overdue. Yeah. So welcome and welcome. Welcome to you,'re overdue yeah so uh welcome and welcome welcome to you and welcome to me and welcome to you oh and welcome to you and the the you the royal you oh uh royal university royal roads oh boy these local references are killing me i don't know is that a local reference royal roads university yeah no it No, it's Harvard. I thought it was like a University of Phoenix. I thought it was an online. I don't know.

Get to know us. Get to know us. I'm still not convinced that that's a local reference. It is. Is it? Yeah. I think it's like an online local reference. All right.

You need to be a part of a local area network understood um how are you doing dave what's uh what's what's crack-a-lack-it oh you're feeling around your pockets for uh for topics yeah for information source um not much is going on with me uh let's see when did we last speak oh like two weeks ago even um yeah well i mean you know we text we send uh emojis to one another yeah do you have emojis on your phone i have the ones that come with the messenger well he's got the standard emojis like uh oh the what messenger facebook oh the facebook message so there's like the barfing guy. There's a smiling poo.

Okay. Oh, that comes with messenger. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's classic emoji. Yeah. An elephant. You know, a monkey.

Yeah. Just like a really standard package. I don't know where you get extra emojis from. Oh, I think they're free. I have a package of free emoji i got and uh what like uh that's the standards can you send an entire like do you think you can communicate an entire i think so i think everything yeah emoji i think you could do a whole shakespeare oh a hundred uh emojis typing at a hundred monkeysjis typing at a hundred monkeys? Yep, typing on a hundred little iPhones.

Is it a hundred or a million? Boy, you know, it's definitely not a hundred. I'm pretty sure. Because a hundred's really doable. I know, no, but a hundred monkeys on a hundred typewriters. That's like, I have that. Yeah, I know. That's what I mean.

It's like, that would be really easy to myth bust. Yeah, exactly. It was like a million, right? Probably a million monkeys. I don't know. Who wrote it? Shakespeare? Yeah.

Whose idea was that? Yeah, he said, I'm not that great. Yeah. Get a million monkeys and a million of your typewriters. A million of your Earth typewriters, and write Emoji Macbeth. That's got to be a thing that teachers are using as a teaching tool. Write a whole To Kill a Mockingbird using just emojis. Yeah.

I guess it would only be two emojis just a dead mockingbird a mockingbird and then maybe a sword or a bullet um yeah uh anyways so what's been going on with you oh well let me tell you um you don't know much uh oh i can't wait to talk about you you've got so much oh sure i was uh i was on a boat like that song i don't know never heard that song that everybody references about being on a boat um when i said i can't wait till we talk about you i i thought we would oh okay yeah no i was on a boat well let me let's start with you. No, no, no, we'll get to that later. Dave, you...

No, you tell, tell, tell. What kind of a boat were you on? A cruise boat. Oh, what? Yeah. Well, tell me more. It couldn't go under 50 miles an hour. It would explode.

Oh, it was on a cruise control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Speed 2 Cruise Control? Hmm, it had Sandra cruise control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Speed 2 Cruise Control? Hmm. It had Sandra Bullock. Yep. And Jason Segel. Who is it?

Jason Patrick? Yeah. Patrick with an okay. Same. Was it... Who was the bad guy in it? Dennis Hopper. Dennis Hopper.

In the first one? Yeah. Was he in the second one? Or. Was he in the second one? Or did he die in the first one? I never saw the second one, but I know his head fell off in the first one. So his head, the enemy was just his head in a jar? Or Dennis Hopper's body with Alec Baldwin's head? I don't know why Alec Baldwin was involved, but who was Jason Patrick a good guy?

I think Jason Patrick was the Keanu Reeves character. Same character. Well, maybe not the same character, but the same sort of filled the same spot in the narrative. And it was on a cruise. I don't know. I know it was on a boat. Yeah. I think it might have been on a cruise.

Yeah. Well, Speed 2 Cruise Control. Anyway, so that's why it was on a boat. Okay. So we didn't get to the bottom of the speed two? No. Well, because I haven't seen it either, I don't think. What do we think it's about?

The boat can only go so fast, and there are no obstacles for it? Yeah, yeah. It can just keep going out to sea until it runs out of gas. Oh, maybe then it can't stop, right? Because wasn't that the bus couldn't stop? It had to keep going. Yeah, it had to keep going over 50. So a boat would have to keep going, and they'd have to come out and refuel it at mid-ocean.

Yeah, I think they can do that. They did it with planes. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I guess it's not really that big of a deal. Maybe it was funded by like a cruise line. Yeah. Yeah. It was Kathy Lee Gifford.

What was her cruise line again? Carnival? Princess? Princess. If you could see me now on a princess cruise. I'm drinking tons of booze. Yeah. That's what I was on.

I was on a princess cruise. Okay. So why were was on a princess cruise. Okay. So why were you on a princess cruise? Because it was my mom's birthday, and that's what she wanted to do, was go on a cruise. So your mother lives in Calgary with your father. Landlocked province. Landlocked. Yeah.

Yep. They're landlubbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's what they called us when we got on the ship. Welcome aboard, landlubbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's what they called us when we got on the ship. Welcome aboard, landlubbers. Yeah. Yeah. That's more of a, that's sort of the city slickers of the sea.

Yeah, yeah. No matter where you go, you're an outsider. And, you know, sea legs. They kept talking about sea legs. Really? Yeah, you know, because the boat... Wobbles. Yeah, it wobbles for the first while. Yeah, it's a boat the boat... Wobbles. Yeah, it wobbles for the first while.

Yeah, it's a boat. It probably wobbles the whole while. You just get your sea legs. Yeah, you gotta get those sea legs. Or just take a gravel or a Dramamine. Or just knock yourself out for the... The entire cruise. Put yourself in the ship's hold.

Yeah, in the brig. Yeah. Yeah. There's all sorts of stuff. You don't ever get to see that. You don't get to see the brig. Oh, you don't get to see the brig? There's no tour of the engine room or anything like that.

You're just on the party decks. Okay. So your mother, it was her birthday. Yeah. She's 39 again. 39. Exactly. 39.

39. Going on 60. W 39, exactly. 39 going on 60. Wink, wink. Yep. And she wanted to go on a cruise with her whole damn family. Yeah, yeah. And it was like, you can't say no. You have to grant that wish.

So we said, yeah, we'll all go on a cruise. So it was a cruise from vancouver yeah to san francisco and you flew back yeah yeah and uh how long the cruise is that four days three days and um yeah it's like uh i've never been on a cruise before you've never been on a cruise before hell no it's uh it's not as bad as you would imagine being on a cruise would be because because what are you picturing being on a cruise would be because i imagine it's exactly the same as what i was picturing okay what am i picturing i'm picturing well jeez i don't like going out i get bored out on the the ferry boat yeah i do a lap of it and it takes me 10 minutes and then i'm like oh there's

there's more um uh okay i'm picturing cramped quarters okay uh i'm picturing um uh big buffets right uh is it was it a is it an open bar at these events or is there not on this one i was on but uh like i imagine i i is was it a hedonism cruise yep um which was weird but it's the best deal that my dad could find yeah my dad's travel agent is terrible and he said i can get you a real awesome deal. He was on the cruise with us as well. He was there. I can get you this amazing deal.

If you go all the way. Yeah. It's a singles hedonist cruise. And it's a specialty cruise. It's also just a Barenaked Ladies. Fans that are hedonists. So. Okay. I'm notists. So... Okay.

I'm not done imagining things. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Activities? Right. What kind of activities are there? There's usually like a comedian. Yeah. Oh, yes.

Yes, indeed, there was. There's usually like... I honestly don't know what else there is for activities. There's a Lido deck. Yep. There was a Lido deck. I don't know what that means. for activities. There's a Lido deck. Yep. There was a Lido deck. I don't know what that means. Did you ever see the Love Boat?

I've never seen an episode of it. They were playing the Love Boat on one of the satellite channels. On the Meta channel? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It was just nothing but Love Boat and Speed 2. Yeah. Although they did play, every other movie seemed to be Captain Phillips, which I was like, maybe just give that one a pass.

That's the one with... Tom Hanks? No. Isn't it? Kurt Russell? Kurt Russell's like this boat dude. Yeah, he takes a family he hijacks a family

takes them out to sea shows a couple that they still have romance you know what I mean I think Mary Steenburgen is one of the here's how much I don't like boats I don't think I've seen any movie on a boat you've seen Pirates of the Caribbean I fell asleep in

the first 20 minutes of you don't like boats at all i uh movie was all boat i i haven't seen any of the other pirates movies i haven't seen titanic i haven't seen captain ron captain phillips you haven't seen titanic high siden adventure i haven't seen titanic no huh how did you avoid titanic uh proudly for a while it was something i really bragged about yeah i never saw it the biggest biggest movie of all time it's not for me man yeah yeah no thanks i like indie movies corporate stooges yeah um i'm the king of the world i'm the king of my own self right all? Right, you guys? Wow. And still not, I guess at this point, there's no, like, it's never going to come up. No, I'm going to watch it tonight.

Yeah, so what else do you think? Lido deck? I don't know. What is the Lido deck? That's the top outside deck. Is there a pool on the boat? Yep. And, like, why? outside deck. Is there a pool on the boat? Yep. And like is it

why? Well, because jumping off of the boat into the ocean isn't an option. Do you chum the water outside? Are there sharks? Yeah, yeah. Everybody gets a bucket depending on their size and how much chum they can carry. We chum the waters

and then we lure dolphins with a dolphin soundtrack and then the sharks eat them. We chum the waters And then we We lure dolphins With a dolphin soundtrack And then the sharks eat them Then are you in international waters? Can you do illegal things? At some point, yeah Because once you get out in the waters

Then they open up a casino And they start selling stuff duty free Oh, so you Kids start drinking rum You're that far out Yeah, however far out you have to be. I don't know, but could you still see the land at all times? Nope.

There was a point where you couldn't see any land. What are you looking at? The curvature of the earth? Yeah, you're looking at... Well, as far as I know, this confirms my suspicion that the earth is flat. Now, a lot of flat earth deniers out there will tell you that you know if you look at the horizon in full it starts to curve but i never saw it all i saw was a flat line i saw things disappearing over the side so you tell me yeah no i guess you're right yeah um and god is a And God is an angry and vengeful gentleman.

Somebody told me there's a thing that's become a phenomenon on YouTube of these ice storms that have been happening in the south. And people taking... What? Y'all want to see an ice storm that's pretty good yeah and then they uh they're saying that obama made this uh this is like fake super ice yep obama made ice and then they show they try and light the to try and melt it and it won't melt because it's like steaming off at the same rate that you're heating it up yeah like so there you go it's not melting so it must be fake super ice and uh that's true yeah i mean he is from hawaii well allegedly let's see let's see those documents

oh yeah he just knows a guy who's into shaved ice yeah in a big way it's technically it's just shave ice oh it's not shaved ice no weird yeah it is weird yeah shave ice all right it's like an instruction okay yeah it's an imperative um it's one of it's the 11th commandment um yeah so the lido deck they got one of those. It's the top deck. Is the pool on the Lido deck? Do people swim, or is it just like, hey, let's sun ourselves? There was two people. This is the thing, because you're on the boat the whole time. Is there a volleyball net in the pool, and can you lose the volleyball in the ocean?

There was a basketball court, and I think, yes, you could throw the basketball. Oh, no, wait, there was a netting. But you could take the basketball outside of it and throw it overboard. You could throw anything overboard. Like, anything that you can imagine that you could throw overboard, you could. Apparently there are tons of unreported deaths on cruises. Oh, sure. Yeah, it's well, because once you get out in international waters, there's no laws.

Yeah. They announce that. They go, it's the cleanse or the you know yeah the purge everybody gets to kill one also it's the cleanse so uh you drink them juices yeah and everybody take a shower uh uh so the cleanse is my uh it's like the talk and the the view like the purge is the the really evil one and the cleanse is kind of the cleanse is like a a morning talk show where we're all in a shower just scrubbing and then at the end of the show you go well our hands are pruney

so it means it takes it takes some time to enjoy the cleanse uh but because you're on the say you see the same people over and over again There's like people You again, Steven Page There's people that become like mini celebrities Because there was like a guy By the pool that was like super muscly So every time you saw him you were like

Hey, it's Johnny Muscles or whatever Did you come up with a lot of nicknames for people? Yeah, yeah There was Diamonds are a girl's best friend or whatever did you come up with a lot of nicknames for people yeah yeah um there was there was uh diamonds are a girl's best friend uh-huh who was that that was a girl who sang that song the first night at karaoke and then uh walked around the ship like dressed like she was a character out of mad men like dressed in all 50s stuff and her companion she was maybe she liked yeah it was an amateur pin-up model yeah but like many moons ago oh she's an older like an older statesman so we called her diamonds are a girl's

best friend or cartier we just called her cartier oh yeah and uh then there was johnny muscles and he was a guy who wore like a foot his hat was askew by the pool. He was wearing a baseball hat. And then when I saw him at dinner, he was wearing another hat askew. But still showing off the muscles. He would never wear a shirt if he didn't. If there wasn't a demand at the door. When he went for dinner, what kind of shirt did he wear?

Tight. As tight as humanly possible. Painted on, you know. Whenever I wear a tight shirt, I don't feel like I'm muscular. I feel like uh oh Things are popping out This shirt's too small for me Yeah this shirt's showing off

My crazy back fat It's mostly love handle Well this guy Didn't have that He didn't have to worry about that Now did you do karaoke the first night? No I watched the line The lineup was too long. Oh, right.

So long. Did you think a lot of the people there were cruise veterans? This was your first cruise. This was my first cruise. And yes, I feel like the people that were at karaoke and the people that were singing along at the piano bar, felt like they they this was a regular thing that they do okay and uh because what i had no idea it was like being in a big hotel like that's really what it was like like it was in being like whatever hotel has if a hotel

has like one bar and like one lounge this had like six of those right right so it's like the same thing but you're just in this hotel go forever yeah like you're just always in this hotel and you feel bad if you're in your room the whole time unlike a regular hotel where you feel awesome yeah yeah yeah and the rooms were fine like they weren't small or whatever yeah i just mean like the whole point is not to stay in your room on a boat. No, that's true. But I don't understand how these celebrity cruises... They're celebrity cruises?

Or whatever, the bands or whatever. I don't understand how that works. I do not know where the band goes during the day. Oh, yeah. I assume, like the Weezer cruise, I assume they stay in their rooms. Or do they chopper in and out? Do they really stay on the boat i think they do because then they would have to go through the procedure right like there's a procedure you

go on the boat and they tell you like if the boat sinks here's where your life so they would have to do that presumably unless they showed up a day early right they would have to be in the room with all the other passengers you had the first day it was like uh what do you call it when your first day of in the dorms yeah orientation yeah there was it was a lot of standing in lines that's what i will say about a cruise is if you like standing in lines boy i love it yeah so this is really the thing for you the thing i love most about standing in lines. Boy, oh boy. I love it. Yeah. So this is really the thing for you. The thing I love most about standing in lines is how everyone else standing in lines thinks that they, doesn't think they're better than everyone else. No one ever tries to cut.

Yeah. No one ever thinks they're special. Yeah, exactly. Everybody thinks we're in this together. Yeah. Let's all just obey the rules. No one's paying attention to me. Oh, this line I'm in that splits off into two lines or whatever?

No, I have a different way. Hate lines so much. Yeah, yeah. And there was a lot of them because there's a line to get on and then lines for dinner and then lines to get off. Now, dinner is all you can eat? Yeah, pretty much. Every meal is all you can eat?

Yeah, it's like a sit down. Is there a meal even being served or is it just constant food yeah there's a meal like you go and you order a meal but you can order like three entrees it doesn't matter they're not gonna they'll probably look at you like come on dude you're not gonna finish three entrees throw them in the water are you allowed to you're not allowed to throw anything in the water, but like I say, it's not like the whole boat's netted. Yeah, if everyone's doing it, you can just... You'll never

get caught. Back to the ocean where you came from, steak. Now, you're allergic to everything. Was this a challenge? It was. See, a cruise is not for me in a lot of ways. Right, because people want to eat crab legs. Everybody wants to eat crab. All you can eat is shrimp. Yeah, crab legs.

They want to sit at the tuna cannon. They want to have muscles all the time. And you're a vegetarian, and you're allergic to all seafood? Yeah. And so... So, oh, they brought in all these anemones you could eat. Yeah, I can eat krill yeah and coral um uh yeah they brought it like they were very nice when i was like said i i can

only eat this many things they there was one thing every night that i could eat so i just ate that thing yeah uh rice and uh and then you the booze wasn't covered so i didn't get as drunk i thought i was gonna get like super drunk all the time but uh it was like really expensive booze now your family yeah are they they have the same genes as you which are beautiful oh thanks are those new? Are they allergic to everything? Nope. Nobody's allergic to anything. So I'm the only one that... It's, yeah, it's not like...

It's a blessing and a curse. Yeah, yeah, it's true. Because it's given me some time. I save a lot of time. Yeah, you've had a lot of time pushing stuff around your plate yeah same I'm not hungry anymore I wasn't hungry anyways

but you know when you go on a vacation like you just go to whatever restaurant you wanna like on a cruise you have to go to the restaurant that's there that's on offer I love going on a vacation you have to go to whatever restaurant you want Yeah, that's on offer. Yeah. And so like, I love going on a vacation. You had to go to whatever restaurant you want.

And, uh, and you can watch, I don't know. Like it was, there was three days is the most time you can spend on a cruise. Like, I don't understand how people are on that thing for a week or 10 days or whatever. Yeah. What is standard? I, now that I think about it, like about it, three days is really short, but yeah, no, I couldn't make it. I'd die. I don't think you'd die. Do you think you'd die?

From what? Oh, probably jumping overboard. Yeah, self-inflicted gunshot wounds. Are you giving guns for the purge? I would no, but I was like, oh yeah, yeah, three days seems short. I think a standard is probably like two weeks.

Yeah. It seems like that's probably not the standard. No, I think the standard is a week. Okay. Like you go and you're on it for like seven days and like. And do most cruises work like this where you go to one place and then fly home? No, usually, well, it depends, but, like, I don't know. This one is supposed to go up to Alaska,

and I'm like, I don't know what you would do in Alaska. Like, you really then... Oh, you're really on the boat. Are there day trips? There was a day we stopped in Victoria, so that was fun. Sure. You know, Bouchard Gardens.

Gotta check them out. And is everyone together the whole way or do people get on at these day trips like is or they're no nobody gets on everybody gets on

at one place and gets off at another place oh look at you Mr. Cruise expert yeah yeah yeah and uh what are you

the activities director I didn't meet that was the thing there was no if that stuff was going on I didn't catch any of that if there were activities happening I don't know what That was the thing. There was no. If that stuff was going on, I didn't catch any of that. If there were activities happening, I don't know what they were.

Although I did play bingo at one point. Okay. I lost. Lost at bingo. Oh, you lost at bingo. The easiest game. Everyone wins at bingo. Everybody wins at bingo.

Yeah, just say bingo when it's time. Everybody gets so mad when somebody calls bingo. Have you ever played bingo? No. Have you been to the local bingo when it's time. Everybody gets so mad when somebody calls bingo. Have you ever played bingo? No. Have you been to the local bingo parlor? Years ago, when you could still smoke there. I think there might be allotments for smoking still. Because it is a sad factory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, when you play, you know, they have like different... Is there smoking on the boat? No. Yes! There was a lounge yes that was called the uh shooters lounge and everybody was smoking there and it was crazy because i was like how do they pick what waitresses have to work in that lounge and what waitresses get to work in

like the fresh air right yeah um so that was why wouldn't they make the smoking lounge in the fresh air? You know what I mean? Like outside? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like have a place you can smoke outside. I don't know. But the smoking lounge, like it was by the casino and the whole casino smelled like smoke.

Right. You can't contain, even if you think you're containing the smell of cigarette smoke, you cannot. It's got its you cannot. Totally. It's got its own life. Yeah. There are bars here that have, like... Smoking?

Yeah, like Patty's Pub at the Patricia Hotel. Oh, yeah. Is that called Patty's Pub? Pat's Pub? Yeah, Pat's Pub. They have a... I don't know if they still do, but maybe eight years ago they had this glass room that was like ventilated. But the whole place stunk anyway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, not necessarily even of cigarettes. Yeah, it just smells. Yeah. Yeah. Smelly smells. Yeah, so like, I don't know what the, you know, Max fun offers the boat, boat party dot biz. Yeah.

I don't know what kind of things, if it's like Max fun con on the open sea, if that's like the idea. I do know that the, um, the, the entertainers do a mingle. Yeah. They do get out. We didn't see any of that. That was the thing is like, there was a comedian that we saw.

I know we never saw him around. Like we saw him on stage, but then we didn't see him on the ship. Oh, right. And then same with the piano guy who sang the piano man every night and Benny and the Jets every night. Right.

Piano classics. And then there was a band. What are, who are our modern Billy Joel and Elton John? Lady Gaga. Yeah, probably. I mean, Lady Gaga is definitely our... Vanessa Carlton. Is Vanessa Carlton the one with the piano?

Alicia Keys? Yep. Yeah. Ben Folds. Yep, Ben Folds. I'd go on a Ben Folds cruise. Why not? I'm sure there is one.

Yeah. Seems like there would be. Yeah, there'd be a lot of sulky dudes. And dudettes, I guess. Mostly sulky dudes, though. I don't think Benfolds is a sulky guy. No, he's fans, though, probably, right? Just that one big hit was pretty sulky.

Yeah, but it's the brick cruise. Yeah. Hey, I hope you like this song about an abortion. Yeah. And I hope nobody on this cruise drowns slowly. And two, three, four. But yeah, so there's like never, you don't ever have like nothing to do. But you wish you did.

Yeah. Did you like it less or more than your family? I think I liked it the same level. you did yeah but how did your did you like it less or more than your family i think my uh i think i liked it the same level i was like it was fine did your parents love it they loved it okay but your brothers and you were were similarly uh i think my brothers my one brother he really i think he took to it uh like he i think he'd been on a cruise before dan uh well pat patch had been on a cruise before i think oh no i think dan also had been on a cruise so i think like i was the only one yeah they both loved it they both went from i think we all enjoyed

the same to you know well individually they all loved it more than I did. And then I went to Alcatraz. That was the last day. Right. Because I broke the law. Good for being a bird man. We have a place for bird men like you. That's basically all. Condor man.

Yeah, hawk man. That's what Alcatraz is now. It's a bird sanctuary. I didn't know that. But the birds are like, it's a stretch that it's a national park. And I think they all know that. Right. Like, it must have been something that they had to do to keep the island.

Sure. Going, because the birds. Otherwise they would just sink it. Or turn it into prison-themed condos. Yeah, live on the grave of Al Capone. It's seagulls are the birds

that are nesting there. Oh, they're very rare. Yes, it's so majestic. But mostly it was seagulls that the island is for so that's fun i don't know is it no uh it's fairly like i don't know i went on the tour of it it was cool seagulls have a little bit of red on their beak right or is it just ketchup it's not blood but they do eat a lot of fries yeah yeah yeah i think it's ketchup i think's ketchup. I think you're right. These seagulls were a lot. Because you can't.

Oh, man. The worst thing about being a bird is you don't get to lick your lips. You can't ketchup on your lips. You can't lick it off. It's true. Also. No lips. Yeah, no lips.

But that would be so annoying. Yeah. Well, and you see it sometimes with birds where they've got a bit of chips stuck on their beak. Oh, boy. They're just waiting for their friend to attack their face. Yeah, that, and you see it sometimes with birds where they've got a bit of chip stuck on their beak. They're just waiting for their friend to attack their face. Yeah, that's true. I guess you do have... You got pals.

Dumb, dumb, tiny-brained, bird-brained friends. When they were talking about it being a bird sanctuary, I was like, oh, there must be some rare birds that live on this island. Yeah, because there's like a... Here we have just a... What is it? Queen Elizabeth Park. Yeah. They have a dome that's like a tropical sanctuary for, I don't think it's even a sanctuary. It's like, hey, we put some birds in here.

Yeah. But no. And they can't get out. Yeah. No, they want to, but. It's that glass ceiling. Yeah. Literally.

Yeah. But so this bird sanctuary is just all seagulls. All seagulls. Any pigeons? Maybe. Maybe the odd pigeon gets eaten by a seagull. And you walk through Alcatraz and they give you a headphone thing. And it's like one of the old prison guards.

Is it Beats by Dre? Yeah. Yeah. It's Dr. Dre talking about the advantages of Beats by Dre. He's hip hop's first billionaire. I know. Congratulations. Yes.

Dr. Dre, we salute you. Yeah. Well, it's a music first. Right? Anyone listening to this podcast on Beats by Dre headphones right now, I want you to pull your pants down. Yeah. You don't have to do it. I just want you to.

Like, what portion of that billion, like, was he like to $10 million with every music venture total, and then the rest is headphone revenue? Probably, yeah. So that's not as fair to say he's hip-hop's first. Oh, yeah. I guess he is. I mean, 50 Cent, a while ago, I mean, a lot of people, I think a lot of hip-hop musicians have claimed to be billionaires. But 50 Cent had a... Juice or something?

Yeah, like part of Smart Water or Vitamin Water or something. Oh, yeah. And sold that and it had like hundreds of millions. But could you be considered, if he had a billion, would he think, I'm hip hop's first billionaire? Yeah. Are you thirsty? Yeah. I mean, like at least, well, well i mean i guess you could say water

is hip-hop adjacent because water is essential to all life you know what i think you're right but i was like headphones are hip-hop adjacent yeah yeah yeah those two things yes hip-hop cannot exist without headphones and water yeah it's it's true. It's simple facts. And, you know, like if you have a clothing line, don't hip hoppers need to be clothed? So these are all... That's true. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've put a lot of thought into this. Are we not men? We are hip hoppers. If you prick us, do we not bleed? Do we not men? We are hip hoppers. If you prick us, do we not bleed? Do we not bleed wicked beats? If you shoot us with a gat, do we not bleed? Do you or would you ever? The quality of mercy is not strained.

What is that? It's from the same speech. Oh, wow. Oh, wait. No, it's from a different speech. It's from the same speech. Oh, wow. Oh, wait, no, it's from a different speech. It's from the same play, though, I think. I don't know any of those. The Merchant of Venice.

I'll emoji it to you. Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah, have you ever tried on some Beats by Drake? No, I have not. Would you ever? I guess so. They have many models. But they all definitely let everybody know that you're wearing Beach by Dre.

Yeah. Do they glow? Well, Vanilla Ice's line does. Uh-huh. Turn off the lights. Yeah, yeah. Did you know that To the Extreme, I rock a mic like a vandal? He was involved in Beach by Dre.

He must have. I'm sure someone's listened to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they all over the ear headphones? Some of them are under the shirt. Are any of them over the shoulder boulder holders? I don't know. There must be earbud models as well.

I mean, Apple bought them probably because the Apple headphones are the worst. Like, they fall out of your ears immediately. Even the ergonomic design i feel like i need to tape them to your head no just i want to paint on like whatever that that like rough coating that shingles have just so or like sandpaper just so they stay in my ear i bought them when they came out and I wore them once. All you have to do is get some nail polish, a handful of sand. Yeah, you're not wrong. Yeah. Make some together.

Oh, that would be so satisfying when it scratched the inside of your ear. Like some sort of shingle. I think that's an allergy thing that you just assume everyone has itchy ears. an allergy thing that that you just assume everyone has itchy ears oh man i'm telling you if there was like a light like sandpaper q-tip that you could just get in there and do a little scratching you'd have one custom one satisfied customer yeah that's a spicy q-tip uh yeah spicy q-tips was q-tips line of hot sauces yeah well do hip-hoppers not need hot sauce they do absolutely um they don't like a bland food no they're uh yeah first and foremost in the uh chipotle craze oh boy oh we're doing like i don't like referring to hip-hoppers as they oh fair because i consider

myself a hip-hopper me and and my protege, Ryan Lewis. Yeah, you've been a long-time hip-hopper. Old school. New school. Night school. Yeah, sure. Royal Roads University. So would you go on a cruise again?

You know, I would go on something. Would you go on another free cruise? I would go on on a cruise again? You know, I would go on something. Would you go on another free cruise? I would go on another free cruise. I would go on a boatparty.biz style where it was people, where there would be more people in the age range. Oh, was this olds? It was a lot of older people, lots of families. That's another thing when you were saying things that you expect to see on a cruise I forgot to say old people it was definitely seniors

and there was definitely lots of people with kids and like there weren't a lot of like couples or like you know somebody wrote to me on Twitter and said that they spotted me on the cruise and I was like why didn't you come up and say hello I was doing nothing what um

oh yeah is it expensive like is it would would you say you would between this and taking you know a weekend in mexico or vegas or something i would go yeah i would go because just because of the allergies thing man i would just go to a place where i could just pick whatever restaurant I want to go to and not have to, like, consult with a waiter. Like, well, to the best of your knowledge, does this have any of this or that? Here are the things that kill me, and here are the things that really bother me. Yeah, here are the things that just hobble me. And, yeah, so, like, I would just go.

I don't know. I wouldn't go to Vegas or Mexico. It's so hot. I know. They're the hottest. But I'm just thinking in terms of things people go to. Yeah, oh, yeah. Like, people, you say there aren't young people, because they would probably choose to go to one of those other places.

Yeah, that's true. They would go to a Macklemore event. Vegas' Macklemore themed casino. casino yeah they have a whole he's the he's in the selenium theater now oh good for him he's in residency where is she now she's dead oh no yeah yeah how's renee angelil taking it uh he's uh he's got a i don't know it's hard to tell he's got that hang dog face all the time he's got that droopy droopy liver colored lip it's he's uh he's a homely but powerful gentleman oh yeah yeah he knew that he wasn't gonna coast by on his look so he found himself a great personality i don't know if he's necessarily homely but he definitely looks sad

do you not think i honestly like like imagine... Like, imagine... Other than the, like, 50 best-looking men in the world, I don't know if anyone's good-looking or ugly. I assume Steve Buscemi's ugly. Oh, yeah. I would go on a Steve Buscemi-themed cruise. Okay. Yeah, if it was, like, him kind of doing different things every night. Readings from old scripts.

The stuff he was in, stuff he wasn't in yeah yeah oh the things that he turned down casting like uh tonight i'm robocop oh shit steve boujemy robocop cruise that is everything i like um and uh what's been going on with you, man? Oh, not much. Come on. Well, we're not going to. There's not much. A lot of little things. Here was one thing that sort of perplexed me the other day. Yeah. Abby and I, we were looking for a bench to put at our dinner table or our kitchen table. Okay.

Yeah. Instead of chairs. And so we. More fun for c. Okay. Yeah. Instead of chairs. And so we... More fun for cuddling. Yeah. And something we could maybe take outside and eat on the deck. Actually, we want two benches. But...

Good luck. Not listening. I know, right? Yeah. Once you're in the market for one bench, the price for the second one goes way up. I got some friends that are going... A bunch of people going market for one bench. The price for the second one goes way up. I got some friends that are going a bunch of people going in on one bench. Yeah, that's true.

A timeshare. And we went to this store Abby had been following on Instagram that has some antique stuff and some sort of The store is on Instagram? Yeah. And they'll post like, hey, we got this in stock.

Cool. And, oh, what do they call it? It's like wood. That's as good a name as any. It's not refurbished wood. It's like re... Oh, reclaimed? Yeah, sure. Reclaimed wood. Yeah. And they'll like,

yeah, like a reclaimed wood yeah and they'll like yeah uh like a reclaimed wood bench we made a bench out of a bigger bench yeah we we found uh this old bowling alley and we we made a bunch of benches out of it yeah and um and so we went uh to the store and we uh we looked at it and this guy comes up to us and we assumed he worked there. Yeah. He's like, because he said like hey, how you guys doing today? Looking for anything in particular? And Abby

I of course would have said nope. But Abby She was looking for something in particular. Yeah, no, but even if I'm looking for something in particular, I like to I'll be going now. I, no, but even if I'm looking for something in particular, I like to... Like, I'll be going now. I like to, you know, chat it out a lot before.

Sure. I don't want this guy involved in our decision-making process. Oh, yeah. You don't want anybody giving you a hard sell or a soft sell. Exactly. That's how my love got tainted. Yeah, I remember. But I... The guy... So, Abby says to the guy,

yeah, we're actually looking for benches. I kind of like these ones you have there. And the guy said, oh, you don't want those. Here's what you... Wow. Here's where you should go. And it was... And he pulled out his phone and he typed in the name of a

place that makes benches locally. Or makes whatever, reclaimed wood stuff locally. Benchworks Vancouver. Yeah. Yeah. And he showed us on his phone and I was like, I was kind of laughing and he's like, no, seriously. And then. Why was he so confident that you didn't want that bench? That's what I'm...

I was like, are we... Is this like a situation like we don't serve whatever race or class of people? Oh, wow. But then we were all white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, wait a minute.

But it did have that sort of feel like, oh, like I'm not being outwardly exclusive, not inclusive. I'm just being like, oh, you don't want that. Here's what you want. And then they send us somewhere and we get hit with shovels. Yeah. Maybe that was what I said. It sounds to me like he was doing not a reverse psychology, but like maybe he smells on you guys. Like, you guys don't know benches, right? Yeah.

And so like his- These would be wasted on you. His friend runs some crummy bench store. He's like, refer all your bench virgins over to me. I'll take good care of them. I'll sell them a dumb bench. And so I went on the website of this other place. We can't afford their benches.

Like, we wanted these ones because we could afford them. Oh, maybe he thought very well of you. Maybe he thought, oh, sir, these benches are... Oh, don't trouble your butt with this piece of garbage. Do you think that he had designs on that bench? I feel like he had promised that bench to someone else. Yeah, because why wouldn't you just, like, why does he give a shit what bench is right for you? Right?

Nobody cares. And he was so fast about it. He was like, oh, you don't want this one. And he mumbled something about, oh, yeah, these benches are like they're made by lawyers or something. You want people who really know reclaimed wood. Oh, weird. No, I don't. I just want something that looks like someone's already sat on it.

Did you buy those benches? No. So do you have a bench? And Abby, as soon as we left, Abby was like, I'm unfollowing them on Instagram. That guy was so rude. Or just so confusing. Yeah, maybe he's going through something. Yeah, probably.

Do you know what I mean? Like, maybe he doesn't even know what bench he wants. There were other benches out front, but, like, people who didn't work there but seemed to be his friends were sitting on them. Like, it was a hangout spot. Yeah, where are you going to hang out? The place with the most benches. Yeah, I guess he doesn't want to sell benches because he's like then i'm gonna lose my friends yeah yeah it's like uh a park if you remove a bench that's just less people hanging out at

your park yeah it's the rule it's uh malcolm gladwell had a thing about that and he spoke about the tipping bench yeah yeah it was like the broken window thing and the bench at the park. Well, can you just... Benches are so difficult because either you're buying one for yourself or you're buying one for a loved one who has died. Right? And dedicating it. You mean to put a plaque on.

Yeah. Those are the only times, unless you're like a park warden or something and you're buying benches in bulk because you've got a real picnic situation going on. Also, a bench is something that you could probably steal from somebody because they often are outside and unlocked. So that's something to consider. Oh, that is a good idea. Because I only obeyed 10 of the 11 commandments do you dry shave dry shave shave ice yes oh nuts that's the 12th dry shave um yeah so we are still without bench yeah but i think we're gonna be all right well i've never bought a bench in my whole life

uh i don't know anything about benches i don't know where you go to buy a bench well not this place no i guess you're not good enough but like or you're too good you don't want this bench i think he wanted the bench that's my theory is that he wanted the bench for himself he's been telling one of these object sexuals yeah yeah yeah he has a crush on that bench. Oh, you don't want that bench. And as soon as you walked away, he was like, I'm sorry. They did want you. I want you.

I know, I know. This world is bigger than this store, but I can't let you leave. Yeah, yeah. I would buy you, but I can't. Then it would be like prostitution. I want this relationship to just be a man and a bench and a store. And people coming. I like it when people sit on you. Oh, man. I hope this guy hears about be a man and a bench and a store and people coming. I like when people sit on you.

Oh, man. I hope this guy hears about it and blogs about it. Yeah. Oh, speaking of which, you sent me a thing last night. There was a Georgia Straight. The local free newspaper here in Vancouver. The free weekly, the hip, cool, trendy magazine newspaper. It's a newspaper.

It's not a magazine. Make no mistake. Sometimes it has glossy pages. Yeah, but it's usually an ad for a condo. That's usually not part of the newspaper. But you sent me a thing. I didn't even know they had this. Well, one of my coworkers, her husband, was like,

Hey, Dave you you saw this thing with graham and in the straight right i was like nope yeah and uh i was just out on some boat doing the purge i was mid purge and someone wrote uh they have a thing and in their classifieds yeah something called confessions now here's what i don't love about this right off the bat is this is somebody who uh feels that it is a wrong thing it's somebody who has a a what is the title of a crush on local celebrity um what does it say here pardon me yeah let's get our local celebrity crush yeah so it's confessions it's anonymous yeah that's like where you would tell somebody like i ran over somebody's cat and i feel bad about it yeah yeah you're the only one i can

tell confessions yeah so it's not it's like it's complimentary but uh also you're like why is it why why are you putting it in this section like i don't know i know this is wrong and everybody here knows it's wrong yeah i'm not gonna put my name in this because oh Like, I don't know. I know this is wrong. And everybody here knows it's wrong. Yeah, I'm not going to put my name in this because, oh, the razzing I would get. But yeah, it's just somebody who said they... I would climb Graham Clark like a mountain if given a chance. I mean, it's very easy. I sit like a mountain most of the time.

Pending his permission, of of course that dude is sexy yeah work it sir i will i will continue to work it but it's very 12th commandment yeah um um which is fine yeah thanks i'm very i was flattered but then i actually debated whether to send this to you because the comments are so mean i know they're like who is this loser and it's uh they're like never heard of this guy and you know i've got a fairly uh thick skin it's one of the things that makes me so sexy so mountainous yeah my thick my super thick skin but uh um yeah it was funny it was just funny to me that because there's also in that same paper they have like uh misconnections connections or uh or an i saw you and i was like yeah that could have been that could have been where you put that kind of thing

yeah you bearded mountain comedian yeah yeah mountain like comedian with the climber willing to climb thick skin um but one of the covered in moss one of the comments on this was um graham is lovely and i totally get why you have a crush. If he wasn't married, I'd say do it. So does this person think that I'm you and you're me? I think people still can't tell our voices apart. No, that's fine. Then in that case, it's a compliment directed at you.

Yeah, no, in which case, I've never heard of that loser. Yeah, I guess. It cuts both ways Well I guess it doesn't it's still your name Yeah that's true So you didn't buy a bench No And what else you said there was other little things

Oh what else is little Um I'm gonna follow this I'm gonna go on Instagram Follow this guy just on follow him I'm gonna follow follow this. I'm going to go on Instagram, follow this guy, just unfollow him. I'm going to follow him, make one comment. Your benches are gross and unfollow him. In and out.

I guess the only other thing that really happened to me that I loved was I was driving the other day. And a guy had his headphones on. He was leaving the SkyTrain station. And without even looking into traffic, he just started walking into traffic. And sometimes someone walks into traffic and you're like, okay, this guy means business. I'm not going to honk at this guy. He's pushing a shopping cart. This is just his deal. He walks into the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He plays by a shopping cart.

This is just his deal. He walks into the street. He plays by his own rules. But this guy, I could tell, he just had a brain fart and didn't think to look before he walked into the street. And it's the greatest feeling when you honk at someone who totally deserves it. And they freak out. And he was in his own little world like freak out like oh my god yeah like what's happening he was in his own little world he wasn't paying attention to the fact that he he was jaywalking and just walked right in front of traffic yeah and um he uh yeah like it totally as soon as i honked it snapped him back into reality i love it

and he like jumped out of his skin and uh put his hand on his chest like i'm so sorry and oh i've done that a few times where where like someone maybe someone's crossing a little too late for the light like they're walking across the street a little bit too late yeah but they're not hurrying they just assume the light is still oh i'm part of this crowd that's crossing even though i'm the the uh the trailer at the end yeah yeah there's like do you ever do this where you don't get out of the way of somebody who's on their phone walking like you're like i'm just gonna walk i'm gonna let this person walk right into me and then i'm gonna take the moral high ground like yeah yeah or or sometimes you see someone who's on their phone uh and they're about to walk into a sign or something yeah and then you just stand you just stand there and watch and like hope they do

yeah oh man i uh i watched a guy at the airport last night. He was on his phone. And, you know, like when you're walking towards security, like there's corridors. You do not go down. Yeah. And he totally just walked away from the crowd. Stupid guy on his phone. What a jerk.

I wish he tripped on something. That would have been, I would have made the whole trip worthwhile. I wish he tripped on that bench. That bench that one guy wanted to have sex with. Well, they're the object sexual people. Uh-huh. It's got to be easier if you have a crush on a bench than if you have a crush on a bridge. Or like a plane.

I guess it is. But they still seem to find a way. I think, you know what it is? I think men seem to have crushes. And by the way, I am basing this on maybe one thing I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, a guy had a crush on a car. Right.

And a woman had a crush on the Eiffel Tower. Yeah. Like, men be crushing on... It's true. It's true. Things you can possess. Women be crushing on landmarks. Yeah, so like... Yeah, yeah okay but then that makes um

you know vacations really easy that makes it a cinch i'm going to the ivory tower let's drive my girlfriend to meet your boyfriend let's drive my girlfriend over your boyfriend that's a really good setup for romantic comedy it's a guy and a girl he's in love with it with her car oh yeah and she's in love with uh a bridge you know yeah yeah uh the golden gate bridge and uh he wouldn't be yeah they meet on a on a chat room or something on a confessions confession i have and then he writes to to her and then they go together and uh you know at one point he dresses up like a bridge i guess i don't know how i don't know how they overcome whenever she falls asleep he sneaks out and has sex with the car yeah yeah um i don't know how the movie results in them getting together, but somehow there's got to be some sort of thing that works out.

Anyway. You know what? This is just the elevator pitch. This is a great, yeah. It's so far so good. Yeah. I mean, maybe he's Paul Rudd. Oh, it's old.

Yeah, exactly. It's Paul Rudd. And who? Drew Barrymore? She may be too old for a Paul Rudd? I was thinking like a Prius. Oh, yeah, yeah. Paul Rud thinking like a Prius. Oh, yeah, yeah. Paul Rudd and a Prius.

And then who? Oh, the human woman. Yeah, who's the human woman? So she's kind of quirky. Ooh. Swedish Chanel? I was going to say Kristen Wiig. But no, maybe not.

Oh, sure. Yeah. I can take that. Yeah. I'd buy that for a dollar. What would we potentially call this movie? Oh, boy. The Object of My Affection would be great, but it's already a Paul Rudd movie.

Oh, man. That's really good, though. Yeah. Don't objectify me. Bridgebangers. Carfuckers. The Car fucker and the bridge banger There you go Well yeah

Do we want to move on to a little bit of business? Oh yes absolutely Life can be fun Don't get carried away You gotta do the things you don't want to do To get through the day You gotta shine your shoes You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor.

You gotta clean your house. You gotta do some more. Take care of business. Hey, guys. Hey. Can I be real with you this week? Let's break it down. Sit on your chair backwards.

Okay, here we go. My chair. It's more of a transformer, but it's transforming goes from forward chair to backward chair. It's actually like the most feasible transformer design. Do you think these cars are going to turn into robots? No. But do you think a chair is going to turn from a forward chair to a backward chair? Easily.

You don't want that chair. um now one thing that never transforms uh is the fact that stop podcasting yourself is supported by squarespace the all-in-one platform that makes it fast as fast as one thing is it easy it's also easy i like both of those to create your own professional website now uh it's it's not like you don't have to do a lot of typing because it's a drag and drop yeah uh so like you just grab the the bits and pieces how does drag and drop work you use a mouse okay don't use the arrow keys on your keyboard use a mouse for crying out loud and if you do use the arrow keys make sure num lock is on yeah or off i never remember which one and uh you just grab whatever segments chunks bits bites that you need oh bits and bytes oh you know bits and bytes snacks yeah

because your mouth doesn't know till it's all over something like that all right this has been an ad for squarespace and bits and Bytes. So it has the, it's really easy to use interface and there's 24-7 support. Do you know how they do that? I don't know. They have two offices, one in New York

and one in Dublin. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Which are only five hours apart. So they... They just got to be working crazy shifts. Yeah.

I mean, I mean, they should really open an office here. I mean, I'm looking for work. I'm looking for a place to sit. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I just want a place to feel like I'm contributing. They also have this logo creator.

Squarespace does. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Shaft. I can take it. Where you can create a simple uh a clean and simple logo none of these filthy logos yeah you know ugly kid joe yeah was it a kid giving you the finger yeah i think so maybe he had maybe he's picking his nose oh was he uh was he on the was he the statue of liberty and oh yeah he was he the Statue of Liberty? Oh yeah, he was! Was that the cover of America's Least Wanted?

Sure. Oh, I hate everything about him. Yes, so this logo creator. No ugly kids, Joe's allowed. Yeah. You'll create a simple and clean logo design in minutes. So for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase,

go to squarespace.com and enter the code SPY. Squarespace, a better web starts with your website. Uglykidjoe.com. I wonder if it's taken. Race to your computer and find it. We'll find out during overheards. Have you made vacation plans yet? The second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is ready to set sail this summer,

and we want to see you on board. Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music, and beautiful Caribbean views. It all takes place July 25th through 28th, en route to Nassau, the Bahamas. And frankly, we've impressed even ourselves with this lineup of bullseye favorites. You've got Moshe Kasher. I was in an airport recently. You ever see somebody and you're just like, oh, so you're what's wrong with everything in the world. Kyle Kinane.

Anybody else in here get so drunk last month you had to call a cab just to take you to Wendy's? W. Kamau Bell. So complicated, my feelings. Morgan Murphy. I don't know if you guys know what a facelift is. It's when they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face. And in that little space there, that's where they find your self-esteem. And besides them, Greg Barrett, Chris Fairbanks, Karen Kulgarov, Natasha Leggero, Guy Branham,

Tony Kameen, and Carol Kolb. Plus an awesome music lineup hosted by John Roderick of the Long Winters and featuring our pal Gene Gray. Come on, what else are you going to be doing? Don't miss the funniest weekend of your life. Get your tickets right now. Go to boatparty.biz. Yeah, that's right, boatparty.biz. The Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Comedy, music, shuffleboard.

Overheard. Overheard. Now in the break, Graham, here's what we discovered. I feel like we came to some discoveries. Yeah, we did. What did we discover? I forget. Ugly Kid Joe, We were right. Yeah. The lead singer of that band.

He was really good looking. He was top 50 good looking guys in the world. Yeah, yeah. He was in people's list. Yeah. Let's see. It was more of an ironic name. Did we come up with something in the movie? The movie pitch?

Well, after the two leads fall in love maybe the car and the bridge fall in love oh yeah yeah we said maybe the car and the bridge fuck

or maybe the car drives off of the bridge yeah yeah um that might be it I think that was it and then also

we just discussed a commercial that we saw on television yeah we mostly talked about that commercial uh that iPhone commercial where they sing

Gigantic by the Pixies they launch rockets with their iPhones. Who is launching rockets with their iPhones? There's an app! Oh, we need to get that app! I've been launching rockets by hand! Like some kind of stupid idiot! Oh, you don't want this app.

No, you don't want this app. There's lawyers involved. Now, we introduced, right? Overheard, we introduced it, sort of. One of us did. The good one. It was you, right? No, it was you.

Oh. And now this is a segment where we share what we've learned from the outside world. Yeah. Caring. Sharing. Learning. Burning. Burning.

Ah, boy. Now, this week's overheard. For me, personally, I'm going to kick it off this week for a change, as there is no guest. Unless... Nope. Yes, as there is no guest. Unless... Nope. Yes, who is it? Nobody. Oh, good.

Way to bail. You could have done one of your patented characters. Oh, yeah. Gigantic. I'm that singer from that dumb commercial. Yeah, the blonde girl. Here's what's up. So, I discovered, um, okay.

In Canada, we used to have this department store called Eaton's. Yes. Yes. I miss it. And it was also, uh, like the big catalog you would get every year. Yeah. Like you would get the spring one and the Christmas one. And you, as soon as the Eaton's catalog came along, you would go through it and be like, I want that toy.

I want that toy. I want that toy. I want that vest. Then you'd flip over to the underwear section and be like, ooh la la, ooh la la. Ooh la la, girls. Yeah. Ladies, ooh, what is a girdle? Ooh, when I grow up, I'm going to know what a girdle is.

I'm going to buy so many girdles for a woman. She's going to be so happy. And then Eaton's went out of business. I guess they sent the wrong hockey sweater to the wrong kid. And the rest is history. But what you may not know is Canada Post, our national postal service, online, they have an online exhibit on the world pre-e-commerce. Oh, boy.

And here's what that means. A bunch of old catalogs online. Right, yeah. And so I decided to go through the entire 1975 Spring Eaton's catalog. They've got the whole catalog on there? 800 pages. Wow. That load so slowly.

Of course. So it was a lot of like, all right, I'll do 10 pages today. They've got the whole catalog on there? 800 pages. Wow! That load so slowly. Of course. So it was a lot of like, all right, I'll do 10 pages today. 1975, so a lot of polyesters. Oh, not a natural fiber in the thing. There was a, there's like, on one page there is a breakdown of, here's what all these different words mean. Like polyester, acetate. There's one that's just like glass.

And it's like all these fake fibers and what they mean and how they feel and how to treat them. Right. Like how to wash them. And on the same page, it's actually, I think this must have been around the time the metric system was introduced. Because it was like, here's how to measure yourself now. Oh, yeah, right. And is it leisure suits would have been in that era? Yeah, leisure suits. A lot of, what do the women wear?

Well, they would wear pantsuits. Like a pantsuit, or they would wear like uh like it's all one piece and it would have like a zip well there were a lot of jumpsuit there were a lot of like um uh uh separates but like buy these three buy a red outfit a white outfit and a blue outfit and you can combine the shirt and pants to create like 27 different outfits and you will always be ready for uh you know uh america yeah yeah yeah or if you love france same best deal day yeah um yeah so i was going through this, and my favorite thing I found, well, there was one thing that was clearly a dildo. Oh, yeah.

70s culture. But it was on the page. There was a page that had, like, tanning stuff. Yeah. And it had, it was like a tanning light and those little glasses. And then also massagers, and it was different types of massagers. And one just shaved like a dick. And in the picture, a woman rubbing it on her face.

Oh, man, that picture is great. And here's what it says. Helped to stimulate circulation with this battery-operated facial vibrator. Sure. They didn't even call it a facial massager. Wow. Wow. Housed in tough, impact-resistant plastic.

Amazing waterproof. Is it impact-resistant? It is about seven inches long overall, above average. It is about seven inches long overall, above average. Operates on two batteries, which are included. Everything, by the way, everything is batteries included. Really? That's why they went out of business.

Also, pretty much everything electronic is way overpriced. Like there were cassette players that are like the kind you put a cassette in and you can record yourself. Not a boombox or anything. Not even a radio attached. $75. Oh, shit! How much for the facial vibrator? The facial vibrator is $2.86 or

$2 for $5.50. Whoa! Two? Well, I guess. Yeah, why not? Now, that was just something that tickled me. My real favorite thing was, you know those horns on a car

that go, A-ooga? Yes. Well, I mean, I've heard of them. I've never seen one. I did not know what they were called. But according to the 1975 Eaton's catalog, it is called an Auga horn. Yep. Equip your car with this original universal fit, chromed megaphone, blue enamel fillish. Instructions and hardware included for 12-volt cars, 1998.

Sold. How much for two? Oh, you can get one with a dildo in it. I am really... I like the workaround of the... The facial vibrator. We're gonna sell these things, and we're gonna sell a lot of them.

And we're going to sell them. There's going to be no taboo. We're going to sell them in the most popular catalog in Canada. Yeah, but they knew they were going to move a lot of products. To be fair, the kids who are going through the book aren't stopping

on that page. I wouldn't have known. And the husbands aren't really looking through it they'll there was a page of it was amazing the stuff you could get mail order i guess you still can through amazon but like a riding lawnmower yeah yeah trees there were like 20 types of trees like big trees to plant in your yard so eaton's basically is the exact same amazon as amazon oh wow that's really i could never thought of eaton's basically is the exact same as Amazon. Oh, wow. That's really,

I could never thought of Eaton's that way. I always thought of it as a department store, but you're right. Like, they did have the whole, the catalog thing

was like huge. Yeah. Huh. Weird. Oh, I have a question about vibrators. Yeah. No, this is dumb.

Go ahead. It might be. Are they smash resistant? Dude. Like, this is dumb. Go ahead. It might be. Are they smash resistant? Like, when a woman is... Does it feel plasticky, or... Is there a heating element in it? Oh, uh... And you have to be careful with it, because you don't want it to melt.

I don't think there's a heating element, because, yeah, I think exactly what you said. They would melt. But can you not put, like, a heating element that, yeah, I think exactly what you said. They would melt. But can you not put a heating element that tops out at 98 degrees? I don't know. And also plays 98 degrees? Oh, yeah. It would put you in the mood. Or to take you out of the mood.

Yeah, get the Nick Lachey mold. I don't know. Here's the thing. I don't know a ton about the world of vibrating plastic products, but anything I feel like at this point in time... Anything you can do, I can do better. If you can imagine it, vibrators have done it. Okay. Yeah. Like, I feel like that's the... Yeah, I know you're not the right guy to ask. And I feel... I, like...

We don't usually... I guess we probably do talk about this a little bit on the show. But anytime we do, I get real self-conscious. Oh, what? Like, am I blushing? No, well, maybe a little bit. But it's a... Ain't everything about...

You. The thing about you. Here's the thing. I don't think that if, like you said, when you're flipping through the catalog as a kid, if you found that, you wouldn't know what you were looking at. Well, because it's on a page of people with a massager in their ear, but like one that's not phallic yeah but i also feel like if i found one when i was a kid i wouldn't know what the hell i was looking at i honestly wouldn't how would i have known what you found a real life yeah yeah one yeah i don't know what what was i looking at like unless it looked like even if it it vibrated, I'd be like... Oh, well. Yeah. I don't know what this is for.

I know that I would definitely end up using it as some sort of joke or something, or sneaking up behind somebody and vibrating it on their neck. Probably. Yeah. I'm still not above that now. But how... Like, what's the difference? My facial vibrator.

It's not for my neck. Like, what was the cover story with the facial vibrator? Like, why is that a good thing to do? Like, vibrate where your teeth are. Give your teeth a shake. Like, what was that supposed to promote? Well, I have an electric toothbrush. Sure.

And it is, it vibrates where my teeth are and my whole head itches afterwards it's like enough skin is shifted it's like it's just settling back into place yeah oh gross now do you have an overheard

I do I guess there was a show I haven't watched a ton of AMC's new programming but there was a show on AMC that was about arm wrestling AMC's weird because they will do these

like high minded mad men and then like thrillers like Breaking Bad and great television and then old movies. Yeah. And then like 12-hour marathon of mall security. Yeah.

But I have not heard of this arm wrestling one. So this, I haven't seen it. I just know that it exists because I saw a commercial for it a while ago during, probably during Breaking Bad. a while ago during, probably during Breaking Bad, and these guys, I was at a diner, and these guys were so excited to be Monday morning talking about this arm wrestling show. Oh, yeah. And they were all real construction worker dudes,

you know, and so their hearing wasn't great, so everything was just shouted at each other. And the one guy was saying, those two guys, they did 30 arm wrestles in a row. You know how tired you are after like six. I was like, I don't know how tired I'd be after one. Is it the same two guys arm wrestling at the same time? I'd be like, all right, why don't we just, we have to do 30?

Okay, how about I win, you win? Well, because there was a one guy that was the left hand, not just one champion. There's a left hand champ and a right hand champ. Sure. So they're left hand champ. And never the twain shall meet. Well, they eventually wrestle each other, but it's not that great because the one guy's really good with his left hand and the other guy's really good with his right hand.

Also, they have to do 30 in a row to see who's got the endurance. Yeah, I guess. Or they could just not and you know let's just go home spare yeah spare us all the spectacle because like arm wrestling outside of the movie over the top uh-huh which i never saw because it took place on a boat no no he rides drives a truck doesn't he and he's got like uh he drives with one hand and he works out his arm with the other hand. That's right. He's always curling.

He's doing arm curls with the other hand. And so outside of that, arm wrestling is really very boring to watch. It's not entertaining at all. So I feel like AMC, that was a real air ball. Yeah, they're real hit and miss. Well, they, like, you know, I don't know. I haven't watched the one about the American... Spy Network?

Revolution Spy Network? Yeah. I watched the first five minutes of that, and I was like, you know what? I'll wait to see if anyone is ever talking about this, and no one has. Yeah. that and i was like you know what i'll wait uh to see if anyone is ever talking about this and no one has yeah and also i can not watch a show i cannot watch a show or a movie or anything where a guy is wearing a silly wig and like you're supposed to pay attention to anything but the crazy silly wig he's wearing right so that's why you never took so long seriously that's what that's what jay-z said yeah he's like you're you're like the person equivalent of turn and she lost her mind um i uh we also have overheard sent into us that can't be right no it's true um and if you want

to send in an overheard you can send send it into spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Rachel R. Rachel Ray. Oh, yeah. Right? What's she up to? She's on a show with Guy Guy Ritchie.

She's in the new Guy Ritchie movie. Lockstock and two smoking whatever. Rachel Ray cooks. I was trying to think of something. I guess two smoking salmons. Or smoking pans, pots. Smoking ovens.

Oh boy, we tried. I was walking past an elementary school in Kitsilano. This is a local. This is a Vancouver one. Yeah. When I ended up behind two boys about seven or eight years old, boy one was holding a short, bent stick and

enthusiastically offered it to boy two, asking, do you want a Batarang? And boy two paused, seemed to consider the question before seriously replying, no, I'm not Batman. Right. Yeah. Great power, responsibility. Yeah. Great power, Ron's responsibility.

Yeah. Ron's responsibility. I was saying there was a big thing on Twitter about this picture of Batman. Fighting Superman? Yeah, it's just him next to his car. He drives a Fiat. This new Batman movie. Oh, cool, like J-Lo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it doesn't take place in Gotham. It takes place in Brooklyn. Oh, cool. Southside Bronx. Yeah. It's heavy J-Lo influence. Right.

But I blame that because they cast Ben Affleck. Yes, that's true. Yeah. There's that part where Batman gets fooled by the rocks that she's got. Yeah, so I don't know. I don't know if I'm excited about it or not. I don't know if I can get excited about superhero movies anymore. I think maybe is that a sign of adulthood?

That I'm like, ugh. I guess not, given how many fucking adults go to these dumb movies. But it's like, I get it. You know, you gotta go to whatever, the Avengers, because it's like a mega movie. Not me. go to whatever the avengers because it's like a mega movie not me not me man yeah that's true i guess i don't know like that's my that's my titanic also titanic is my titanic but i don't like my goal to like to have never seen the top 10 movie highest grossing movies ever i mean yeah i mean for inflation wise i've never seen gone with the wind there you go yeah and uh have you ever seen you've seen et i have i'm hoping

more movies come out to knock it out of the top 10 yeah i'm rooting for every i'm rooting for neighbors i'm rooting for uh uh what's the blended is that the the new? It's gonna, it's, it's got as good a shot as any movie. Um, I, uh, but I feel like I see, you never liked, uh, superheroes. I never read a comic book. Yeah. But I feel like I like them and now I don't feel like I give a shit about them anymore. And is that a regular, is that a normal? Um, I don't know what to tell you

yeah given that like what ask your parents will they be like oh yeah no i cared about the the the shadow up until i was 33 well that's exactly it it's like but like people uh they like watching hockey or something, and then they continue liking that through adulthood and old age. Yeah. And that's not weird. Well, they don't reboot hockey teams. Well, they kind of do. You know what?

You made a good point. I don't know. Anyways. No, it's, well, these things are for children. They are continually made for know. Anyways. No, it's, well, these things are for children. They are continually made for children. Yeah. Like, are you excited for the new Star Wars movie? No.

But I shouldn't be, right? Because there's nothing in there for. There's never been anything in there for you. In any of these things. Yeah, that's true. Do we have a next overheard? Yeah. This next one comes to us

from Chicago. I thought you were going to say from Shania Twain. From Shania Twain, from a little town called... Not Napanese? Yep, Timmins, that's right. Is Napanee where Avril's from? Avril Lavigne is from, yep.

Can I tell you, if I name Canadian beautiful women... Is Avril Lavigne is from yep if i can i tell you if i name canadian uh beautiful women is that really a beautiful i suppose yeah um beautiful canadian superstar singer songwriters can you tell me their hometowns uh well i guess i could try chantelle creviasic winnipeg yeah yeah That's why I think so. Celine Dion. Quebec. Yeah. Somewhere in Quebec, but not Montreal.

Like, small town in Quebec. Does Pamela Anderson count as a singer-songwriter? Well, Nelly Furtado. Victoria. Victoria, B.C. I think we've got a pretty good track record. Sarah McLachlan. Also Vancouver?

Halifax, I think. Goo. a pretty good track record. Yeah. Sarah McLachlan. Also Vancouver? Halifax, I think. I did not know that. Tegan and Sarah, both lovely. Calgary. Calgary, Alberta. Good for us. Yeah. You know what?

Learning. Burning. Caring. Sharing. Absolutely. This is from Addy P. Addy P. In Chicago.

I love in Chicago. Well, I mean, I guess you would, right? You fall in love with Chicago? Sure, yeah. I live in Chicago and decided a few years ago to ride my bike every day, no matter the weather. Now that it's cold out, my beard, which is pretty robust, How long ago was this email? If it's now cold in chicago

oh february 14th oh balancers i love in chicago um now that's cold out my beard which is pretty robust ice is over a lot the other day it was especially frigid and while riding to work something happened to catch my eye i turned to see a man in a business suit trench coat leather gloves step out of his shiny Volvo, and turned to me. In the moment it took me to ride by him, the man looked at me, pointed, and exclaimed, Ha! Anyway, so pretty good burn. Yeah.

Yeah. Ha! Can I say this? That nothing bums me out quite as much as seeing people bicycle in the wintertime. Oh, I thought you were going to say a Volvo. No, Volvos. I don't even know if I could pick one out of a lineup. Sure.

But yeah, people that are wearing crazy gear and cycling through slush and stuff in the winter, it bums me out so bad. I feel so depressed when I see it. I don't know why. I don't know why it bums me out so bad like i just i feel like so depressed when i see it i don't know why i don't know why it depresses me so much when i go to work um i enter through the bike room which the the like the bike locker at a public broadcaster is like the epicenter of smugness in any city uh but it is uh in the winter like you can tell when the weather is turning because the room it's just packed with bikes yeah on the first sunny day oh yeah and then you can really tell who when people start falling off like even in in the summer if there's a rainy

day people are like nope not today it was it was a real ghost town during the winter months but uh when i see it like people putting on like the crazy gear i just like oh i'm just like uh so sad yeah like uh what did people even bike in the rain and snow a hundred years ago they would ride a horse or something but like no one was putting on whatever Sir Edmund Hillary Mount Everest gear to go biking. Yeah, like crazy. On their three-speed banana seat. Crazy corduroy half pants. Yeah.

And the last overheard comes from Jason M. in Charlottetown. I was just walking down a residential street in Halifax. Wait a minute. That's two different places. When I just saw an awesome sign on someone's doorstep, sent a picture of the sign that said, hippies, use side door. No exceptions.

Agreed. I guess. Well, you're trying to run a business here, you know? Or a house. Or just any place. Hippie, side door. Yeah, but how can you... Do or a house or just any place. Hippie side door. Yeah. But how can you do you have to self-identify as a hippie or can you be having enough people

told me I'm a hippie that I'm a hippie, but I got a tattoo. But I got a tattoo that says I love industry. Says BP oil. Do you remember that song? No, I'm a hippie, but I got a tattoo. No, it's terrible. But, like, now hippies and tattoos go together. I know.

Nobody's business. It was by a Canadian rapper named Speck. Like S-P-E-C? S-P-E-K. Okay. I'm a hippie, but I got a tattoo. I believe he was in the Dream Warriors. I'm a rasta, but I got short hair. I believe he was in the Dream Warriors. I'm a rasta, but I got short hair.

I'm a businessman, but I love to smoke joints. Wow. Those are all viable things to have now. Back in his day, he was talking about a crazy dream scenario. Yeah, hippies with tattoos. Auga. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, it's your prerogative.

Yeah. Our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Ryan in Brooklyn. I made it to episode, I think, 183, 184, somewhere in there. And I'm calling in with my overheard. I just saw two people come out of a house.

And when I overheard the girl saying to the guy, while he takes a drag off of the cigarette, she goes, you know, I never thought of it that way before. It makes sense that you don't own a motorcycle because I've never seen you on a motorcycle before. Yeah. Well, like, it's just a guy who's walking around with a helmet all the time. Yeah, that's true.

Or a sweet leather jacket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I think that's nine-tenths of owning a motorcycle. Helmet, like just the showing up at a bar with a helmet. And showing up anywhere and your genitals are still vibrating. Oh, yeah, that's kind of like the vibrator, like the OG vibrator. Yeah, you know what, ladies? We've got our own thing.

Hey, ladies can get up on that, too. Oh, yeah, well, if you can read this, the bitch fell off. Oh, no. I imagine a motorcycle guy with short hair. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? A dirt bike, but never a street. I rode a moped once. So scary. I think that's something I need to do at some point is ride a proper motorcycle around.

Not like I don't want to buy one or be a motorcycle guy, but I kind of want to just drive one around for a little while. When you're learning to drive a car, you have to have someone with a driver's license in the car. Yeah. If you're learning to ride a motorcycle, do you have to have someone on the motorcycle yeah yeah you got it you have to ride on the back of a motorcycle for a year and then eventually you still have to ride in the back but you can touch the you can have your hands on the steering wheel and then eventually steering wheel

eventually you get to go in the front yeah and then you both have your hands on the steering wheel yeah yeah yeah and then uh is it a steering wheel or is it some kind of handlebars paddles yeah some sort of paddles and then uh yeah i as far as i know my friend took motorcycle lessons in high school my friend took motorcycle it was the it was the coolest class yeah so hard to get into yep but uh she had to like you have to go with a group of people and they go motorcycle around the city and show you how to like but i to me it's like they should it's like you should never get a motorcycle license like you should just get a motorcycle license. Like, you should just ride a motorcycle. You need to be this cool to ride.

Yeah, like, just like, show us how you use a toothpick. I don't know. It's something where I was like, because I'm often seduced by, like, a really cool thing I see. I'm like, oh, man, I'm going to try that. And then, like like ponchos are the coolest and then I put on a poncho and suddenly they're not but like motorcycles I was never like no I I don't ever want to ride this thing when I was a teenager is all I wanted to do but like Calgary you know it's like one

month of the year that I could possibly ride a motorcycle. And I knew people who, like, I remember as an adult, I met people who were, like, into motorcycles. I had coworkers who were like, yeah, the weather's finally nice enough. And they still have to put on, like, leather everything in the hot sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to say this. I will say this. And it probably is

somewhat sexist, but I think when I see a lady just riding a motorcycle, it's so awesome. It's just like, what? You just don't see it that often. It just might be a man with long hair coming out of the bottom of his helmet.

Yeah, and he's wearing... I saw a lady wearing basically what she was gonna go to the you know the club or wherever her destination was in she was wearing like high heels on a motorcycle i was like oh you just take my heart with you motorcycle lady that sort of works on me yeah like every like no matter what like oh a woman is in a band. Oh, that's the prettiest woman in the world. Yeah.

Oh, a woman is doing taekwondo. Oh, she's the greatest woman ever. That's true. A lady who knows taekwondo and then hops on a motorcycle to go to band practice? Yum-a-dum-dum. Do we want to do another one? Yeah, yeah. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guests this is jennifer calling from

the bay area um i work in a veterinary hospital and i just had the best overheard in the history of veterinary medicine ever i was standing away from my co-worker on the phone and all i heard her say was so what you're saying is is that a flea went up your dog's anus? All right. Thanks, guys. Have a great day. Bye. Well, maybe it was taking refuge from the cold. I mean, I think she oversold it a bit. But I don't know what fleas... My dog has fleas.

Really? I wrote that song. But, like, I don't know what fleas can and cannot do. I guess so. And if, you know. I mean, they're not staying up there. No, they'll spend the summer there. I'm sure, yeah.

You know, they got to figure out. Fleas are just trying to stay alive, just like the rest of us. Yeah, let's hear it for the fleas. Let's hear it for the fleas. Let's give the fleas a head. Let's hear it for the fleas, yeah. What? You got to understand.

Understand, I think. Is that Whitney Houston? Yes. Ish. Houston or Houston adjacent. Maybe it's Gloria Estefan. Maybe it's Romeo. He's my loving one one man flea.

Oh, oh, flea. You know who that song is about? Oh, the guy from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yeah. Did you know that he played on that Alanis Morissette song? Alanis Morissette, hometown. Ontario? Somewhere in Ontario?

I want to say Ottawa. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. That makes sense that makes sense ottawa yeah i buy it um uh for the flea it's not it's denise williams it is a uh i believe a one hit wonders from the footloose soundtrack oh denise if you're out there she's a listener. This person you never knew existed is a listener? Yeah, she's a listener. I hope you're doing all right. I hope things are going okay.

Yeah, happy 30th Footloose anniversary. Oh, yeah. Kick off your Sunday shoes and enjoy yourself. Please, Louise. Here's your final overheard of 24D. For a movie that I've only seen once, I sure do know that soundtrack. Bound, down. Everybody that I know is footloose.

Hey, footloose. Get your head out of the gutter, footloose. It's a footloose time. Footloose. Footloose. Five dollar footloose. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Graham from Vancouver with an overheard.

I was in a Bandita's on the drive and standing at the bar, and there was another guy there talking to one of the staff, and he said, I just tattooed a microwave on a girl's butt. Yeah, I guess. You know, like, question here question yes you there uh tattoo wise uh-huh oh have you read uh your tattoo wide certification booklet i know a lot of people have not based on the tattoos that i have seen what do you prefer do you prefer a tattoo that has a long story associated with it or a tattoo that is just something dumb like a microwave on a girl's butt? I don't know what I prefer.

I prefer something where there's no story. Yeah, okay. And it's just something you look at. Right. You know, like if you're looking at a painting, you don't have to hear about the painting. Right. Yeah, yeah. Unless there's like that little uh there's like a little frame yeah but you can choose not to you can be like oh wax they use wax in this as well where they put wax no that's kind of that's a weird thing where they have they always mention mixed media the title yeah the

artist and what it's made out of and then maybe a little blurb yeah and uh with tattoos it's always ink you've never yeah you've never heard of this it's always ink and uh meaning something that will bore you to tears or make you think less of the person yeah like i mean if do you know what i mean like because sometimes it's like somebody what is your favorite tattoo of a person a tattoo of a person what your favorite tattoo that a person has um actually a couple maybe last week um uh there was a lady that came to the laugh gallery and she had a series of tattoos that were of uh different uh authors uh-huh and then my baby loves a bunch of tattoos that were of different authors. And then my baby loves a bunch of.

Yeah. Yeah. You remember it was it was a bunch of different authors. And then who wrote, you know, kind of spooky, spooky stuff. Mary Shelley and R.L. Stein and Robert Munch. And then like this great kind of silhouette of Frankenstein's monster at the top. And I thought, that's all one. And it was all black ink.

And it was very well done. And I thought, to me, that's as good as tattooing gets. And then sometimes somebody has a microwave on their butt. And you're like, do you love microwaves? Are you just dumb? Are you microwaves? Are you just dumb? Are you being funny? Are you super funny? You know, like, what is the, you know.

What about you? What's your favorite? I like the one that Chris Fonzon Baffi has of that lion. Oh, yeah. That's like a. Kind of like the Royal Bank. Old Royal European lion. Yeah.

And the other one is Connor Holler's hamburger. Oh, yeah. See, but Connor Holler's hamburger is just European lion thing. Yeah. And the other one is a Conor Holler's hamburger. Oh yeah. See, but Conor Holler's hamburger is just a hamburger. I know, but it's not as dumb as a microwave. No, but it's just like a funny thing to have tattooed on your body. But it looks beautiful. It is. It's a beautiful hamburger.

It's true. It's black and white. Yeah. Or black and whatever. I think that may be the key. Just one color. Right? Seems to be the way to like

yeah make a tattoo i mean this microwave might have been one color i like it although i wish this guy had a photo yeah next time you're talking about tattoos yeah send a photo so we can look is there can you get a mic a tattoo that like changes at all like oh the microwave's on the lights on inside oh yeah maybe get some leds planted under your skin or you know glow-in-the-dark ink if that shit exists why not hit me up come on tattoo so that i can get a tattoo that on my forehead that says good employee but then at night it says loves to party so the visible one says good employee yeah yeah at your job at as a bench salesman yeah yeah you don't want those bitches and then i tap my head i trust this guy i'm a good employee uh well that's the that brings us to the end of the show does it not good employee uh well that's the that brings us to the end of the show does it not yeah it does it does um here's what's up guys go on we need to let you know that you can go to maximumfun.org

and you can find out all about the things we talked about in this episode sure here's we'll have pictures and videos and a recap of today's episode featuring such pictures as ugly kid joe yeah and such videos as i'm a hippie but i got a tattoo i can't wait to hear this i mean sometimes canadian canadian songs from the 90s won't get a youtube clip i like that just doesn't exist yeah i believe that uh what was i trying to find i was trying to find one of the oh organized rhymes videos other than check the o r yeah it does not could not find they had a second song they had an album that went with that song i remember another song from it in in my uh you know in my joint days my smoking joint days i feel like that's when the organized rhyme was around. When you were smoking joints?

Yeah. Were you like a businessman who loved to smoke joints? No, I would like to party. Check out my tattoo. Alright. Also, every Monday at the Havana on Commercial Drive, Graham does a show. Yeah, if you think I'm sexy, you want to climb me like a mountain. That's

where you'll find me. Sitting like a mountain. Graham Clark will be there with a laugh gallery every Monday night at 9. And you know what? We're going to, oh yeah, Max FunCon's already sold out, right? Yeah. We're going to be there. We'll see you there. See you there.

Don't be one of these people who says, oh, I saw you, but I wanted to come up and say hi, and then don't. Come up and say hi. Yeah, we've been to Max FunCon a few times. There's plenty of time for wanted to come up and say hi, and then don't. Come up and say hi. Yeah, we've been to MaxFunCon a few times. There's plenty of time for you to come up and say hi. You betcha. There's plenty of times when I look into a crowd of people and be like, these people only know who John Hodgman is. They don't know who I am.

Do you know what? If you see either of us standing around like we don't have somewhere to sit, hail us over. We'll come sit with you. Yeah. No problems. Yeah. No problems. Yeah. And, yeah, you can write a review on iTunes if you're so inclined.

You think people won't? I'm just bored. Okay. We'll wrap it up. If you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stuffed Podcasts. See you soon. Don't take any breaks?

Yeah. Like, well, no, I just mean one continuous, like. Like, just all, like, the same. Yeah, the same. The lips don't leave the surface. Oh. You're not, like, switching into... It's not like a make-out session. I just mean one long French.

Wow. I don't know. I don't know what my longest French is, but I'm going to start counting from today forward. I'm going to start... Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, go. Yeah. Yeah.

That's my technique. The quick in and out. The old... Right? That's a French kissing technique. Yeah. Yeah. That's horse kissing.

Wobble wobble. Oh, wobble wobble. Wobble wobble. Oh, robble robble. Robble. That's burglars kissing. Hamburglar. Hand burglars. Do we want to start even? Yep.

Or do we just want to do this part that's going to be tacked on to the end of the show? Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.