Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 325 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: June 9, 2014

Paul F. Tompkins returns to talk about the million greatest songs, father Mark Wahlberg, and portions.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 325 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me in this space age booth is the captain of this here ship, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, that's me, captain. We're recording in Los Angeles.

We're here in Los Angeles at the Max Fun Studios. We are out of our comfort zone. This is a real Survivor challenge. Well, we usually have a table. I'm not used to seeing you and the guests' legs. But if you do it, all those Doritos you're going to get. Oh, yeah. From Survivor?

That's right. And our guest today, who you just heard there, very funny comedian. Yeah, very funny comedian. Oh. Yeah, very funny. Oh. A writer, an actor. Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Those things are less so? No, no, no. These are technically true. Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Hello, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm here to say that you love to podcast comedy. Stop podcasting yourself, Wade. Hi, Paul.

Welcome. Hi to sunny Los Angeles. What was that series of noises you just made? That was me reacting to bad rapsing. Bad rapsing? How dare you? Welcome to me to Los Angeles. Yes.

And welcome to Los Angeles and to me. Okay. Yeah. Do we want to get to know it? I Yeah. Do we want to get to know it? Do we want to get to know it? That Dave's writing a series of hilarious greeting cards. Yeah. And I want to get to know us

is one of our characters. So it's a card from a couple people. Yeah. Are these greeting cards specific to your podcast? Yeah. There's a guana get to know us. There's Iguana Get to Know Us. There's Overbird. Overbird. It just made me tired.

Oh no, I literally fell asleep there. I just felt the weight of the world on my shoulders when I heard Overbird. It's short for Overburdened um hey paul hey what's what yeah what to know you let's get to know me yeah what's uh what's uh shaking what's what's new we haven't seen you in in four months yeah it hasn't been that long right i was in vancouver for the the comedy festival uh the latest the latest vancouver comedy festival the latest iteration the latest iteration look it up graham what the word iteration yeah oh i know what it means the latest erasure that is sweeping the nation what does it mean mean? Version of? Variant of?

I'm proud of you. Thanks, buddy. And then I was, so there I was on your turf. Yeah. And now things are different. Oh, right. Oh, no. Now we're in this hot box.

Now we're going to be jumped in as the gang. The gangsters say. Oh, no. All the Los Angeles comedians are going to come in here. Oh, no. Beat the hell out of you guys. Pull your shirts over your heads. Oh, no.

Hit us with bars of soaps and socks. Yeah. Some oranges might be in there. Oh, no. Really? We'll eat the oranges after. Those are for eating. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, then you break them up into little slices? Slices? No, what am I thinking? Orange segments? Segments? Orange wedges? Sure. Segments. People say segments. Slices? Slices segments slices and then you do the you can't have orange slices it's true

i have i'm sorry you guys my microphone keeps slipping away from me i don't know what's going on hey i think it's an earthquake i think it's an earthquake let it go and if it comes back to you then it was meant to be. So what were we talking about? Me and what's new in my life. Yeah, we haven't seen you for four months, but a lot can happen in four months. The Titanic sank in four months. What? What?

Do you really think they could have gotten someone out there to help those people? In four months? Yeah. The lost cause. Hello, Titanic again. Things are... OS. Things have not gotten better.

How do you do italics on Morse code? Did you think we meant LOL? No, I'm serious. SOS. Iceberg. Hilarious. I'm serious. SOS.

Iceberg. Hilarious. I think at the last time I saw you previous, I was either had just moved or getting ready to move. Yeah. Which is the worst thing that can happen to a person moving. And you know what? I was talking to someone, an older person, because I know a lot of different people many ages and uh young goes this person said young goes where my young goes at this old oh said that uh moving is the one thing that you never get you never adjust to you never

get used to it never gets better or easier even like death you Like the death of loved ones gets easier over time. Moving is always a horrible pain and a drag. Did you hire movers or did you do the old... We hired movers, yeah. Any shakers? We hired two shakers who really just made a lot of rhythmic noise.

We hired one tambourine player and one guy with one of those plastic eggs. Well worth the money if you ask me. Oh, absolutely. Made the day go by. Two, three, four. Now, if you're like a super, super rich person who has like eight houses in different continents, is moving stressful for you?

No. George Clooney? It's not. Because those people do white glove moving, which is that thing where they recreate your home in the new place. They do all the packing. The packing is the worst. The packing is the worst. Yeah.

The packing is the worst. And we started out very careful. And then at the end, it was just throwing things in boxes. Soup tureens everywhere. And it was like, knowing this is trash, I'm putting trash into this box that I'm going to throw away. Yeah.

Did you take, this is somehow easier than taking it out to the trash can. Did you like do the thing where you've, you've packed up everything and then you're like, Oh no, the fridge, everything in the fridge. What do we do with it?

Yeah, we did. We did have one of those, I think. Cause we have like a little, we had it in our old place. We had a little tiny, uh tiny crawl space in our hallway. Did a fridge in the crawl space.

We had a fridge in there. And we hadn't plugged it in since we moved in. And it smelled not good. It was full of fruit. But you're not supposed to refrigerate. Yeah. Any fruit. What about grapes?

Yeah, what about grapes? Grapes, I guess you're supposed to refrigerate. Yeah. Any fruit. What about grapes? Yeah, what about grapes? Grapes, I guess you're supposed to refrigerate. Yeah. Do you guys, let me ask you this. In Canadare, do you guys have your eggs, do you refrigerate your eggs or are your eggs just lying out? We keep them in one basket. You're not supposed to do that. What?

Here's what I keep out on the counter. Butter. Bananas. Do you have a butter dishanas You have a butter dish I have a butter dish shaped like a cow Wait Like a lying down cow? Yeah

Well, I mean, it's the top portion of a cow A legless cow Or a lying down cow But there's no From a ceramic folding knees No From a creche Oh, you had one of those creches

Where everything contained butter Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little baby butter Jesus. Everything was the same size. Butter wise men. Yeah. Chew it with a cow, same. Different kinds of butter.

Do you leave butter out for how long? All the time? As long as it takes. Until it evaporates. Really? Yep. Until there's just a puddle on your roof. On your ceiling.

Where it tried to evaporate. Until you can see your upstairs neighbor. That's right. Where it tried to evaporate. This is the best I could do. That's what it spells out in Greek on your ceiling so you can see your upstairs neighbor. That's right, where it tried to evaporate. This is the best I could do! That's what it spells out in Greek on your ceiling. And then, yeah, like bananas and candy.

Oh yeah, you gotta keep candy out. Those are all the fruits you refrigerate. Bananas, now bananas, they will turn brown faster if you put them in the refrigerator, I've been told. Also heard. Also, a paper bag.

Also, a newspaper. What about apples? Do you keep apples in the fridge? Yeah. Yeah? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Paper bags and newspapers. If you keep a banana in a paper bag, it turns brown faster.

Oh, I thought you meant... If you keep a banana in a newspaper, it turn brown faster if you put them in the refrigerator. You know, if you want to make a newspaper look old for a play. Once you've drawn the lines on your forehead, you simulate the passage of your own life. Or corduroy

pillows. They're making good lines. You can also take a match and brown the edges of a document to make it look like a treasure map. Soak it in tea. Or put it in the oven, I heard. Yeah. Lemon juice was involved.

Absolutely. Buy a Magna Carta. Yeah. Bid on an ancient document. What do you refrigerate, fruit-wise? I guess we put grapes in there. Strawberries. Yep. Strawberries. Yep.

Oh, yeah. Blueberries. Well, yeah, because you've got to keep bugs away, too. No. We won't have a raspberry in the house, Graham. What? Tell me why. I just never think of them.

Never think of them. You can put one on each finger and have, like, a little show. Right? No? What show is that? I don't know. Four old ladies singing the hits. Four old ladies.

Yeah. Wait, so is it like my five fingers with the raspberries are like a little vocal group? Yeah. But they would look actually more like Devo. Oh, yeah. I guess they would. Their little hats. Are we not hands?

This is great. This whole time I was thinking of blackberries. Oh, no. So tart. Yeah, they are. I don't like them. Raspberries are delish. Yeah, I think raspberries I Oh, no. So tart. Yeah, they are. I don't like them. Raspberries are delish. Yeah, I think

raspberries I like a lot. Blackberries are something you can make good with a bunch of sugar and a... Yeah, you throw it under some ice cream. Yeah, put it in a crumble.

Yeah, mix it up with some stuff. But not just like, oh, I'm going to eat a handful of blackberries. Oof. What are you doing with your life?

What kind of a person? Right? Coney. Some sort of Huckleberry Finn. Joseph Coney. That's who he is. He's still at large. No, no, no.

2012, that was all. Yeah. Wrapped up. That is not an issue anymore. Coney is no longer an issue. Was Coney Island named after him? Yep, it was. And also the Coney heads on SNL.

Oh, yeah. What country was he from? He was from France. That might be the dumbest thing I've ever said. Well, are you glad that you said it into a microphone? I don't know how I feel about it. Now, let me tell you something, Dave. You said you had a previous guest in here in this capsule, and they kept looking over your shoulder out this window that's over my shoulder.

Yeah. But you keep looking at, I feel like you're looking at my midsection in a judgmental way. Oh, I'm not. No. You're pretty buff. Yeah, you're looking pretty buff. I mean, you know, if you don't want people to stare. I'm ripped to shreds.

There's no doubt about that. I'll be self-conscious right now. Oh, I'm sorry about that. Well, it's all your fault. We are. I am blaming you. We are in a new environment here. Yeah.

And you are. Dave's doing a little bit of background singer hands. And we it's a dark it's a dark studio, the Max Fun Studio. Dark, deep, dank. But there's so much sunlight coming in, so I can't really make out your face. What if you wore sunglasses? That would help. Do you have them on you?

No. Hmm. I have some, but they're prescription. I, yeah, I recently switched. I have only worn glasses for the last couple of years and have only become dependent on them in the last year yeah how how dependent for everything or just for driving or banking i wouldn't drive with i wouldn't drive with a puzzle uh you shouldn't it's a good look, though. I almost can't remember you in the time.

Where did it go? Pull it back on! It's like little kids, if their father has a beard or something, and he shaves the beard off, and they're like, yeah! They go crazy. They can't handle it. Did your father have a beard and shave it off? No, no, no.

Is this coming from personal experience? No, no, no. Did he have any? Did he have a mustache? Never had a beard, never no, no. Is this coming from personal experience? No, no, no. Did he have any, did he have a mustache? Never had a beard, never had a mustache. Hmm. Never.

What? He's the greatest generation dude fought in World War II. Okay. So, did he have, like, high and tight buzz cut? No. No.

In the Pacific or Europe? Pacific. Oh, okay, yeah. I don't know if he was tortured by weird Japanese empire experiments Yeah I hope not No, I don't explain a lot though

What would it be? Yeah He's very quiet Okay Didn't have a lot to say to anybody Was he military or air? He was in the Navy He was in the Navy

Where he could sail the seven seas Wow Wow Did he ever talk his mind at ease? Did he ever talk about it? No. No. That was the same with my grandfather.

He flew in the World War II. Never. He kind of towards the end of his life, he showed us some newspaper clippings about his exploits. Really? Hey, look. You could say Japs in the newspaper back then. Yeah, yeah. That was crazy. That was crazy.

That was crazy. Yeah. He, uh, but yeah, he never talked about it. But I guess he had, like, he had buddies and stuff. He would go see his old army buddies. He would, like, I gotta go hang out with my old army buddies. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Put on my weird fry cook hat. Yeah. Hang out with all the guys. That must have a name, that type of military cap. Yeah, the one that the McDonald's paper hat is modeled after. Yeah, the envelope that you wear on your head. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. It's not quite a beret. Now you're a woman. So you just moved, which was horrifying. Your fruit-free fridge. Fruit-free fridge. Triple F.

And we've settled in now. We bought our home. Oh, wow. This is a big, huge thing for us. And I feel like I'm doing it. It was something that freaked me out before we did it. And now that we've done it, and i feel like i can handle it all as well although i was kind of quietly in the back of my mind free free still freaking out a

little bit because i i kept thinking when is the first big thing going to happen that is a drag right that now we have to fix some problem and it it happened yesterday. And our shower door just came off. Oh, no! You know, we have the sliding doors. Yeah. And so one of them wouldn't budge. And so I was like, I'm trying to see what's wrong with this. And then the top of the frame

that holds the doors in is not connected to anything. It just came off. And so then the doors both went, they parted ways. And one fell towards the wall. One fell out into the bathroom. Did they break? They did not break.

They did not break. What was your first instinct? Not my problem. They fell very slowly. No. No, this is my problem. My first instinct was, this is an impossible situation that I can never fix. Are you going to try?

Yes, I'm going to try and fail. And then? No, you're not going to fail. And then I have to pay someone to do it. What was today's shower like? Today's shower, the one door is still on there. I did it freestyle. So, it worked out okay.

I thought that water was going to spray all over and it did not. It was all right. I kept very close under the water to make sure. I tried not to use any sweeping arm motions as I was lathering up. No singing. Just humming. Don't anger the water.

I tried to hide from the water. So you also, is there no bath option? Not for me because I'm a grown man. Well, you know, it was long. You ever have a long day and you're like, ooh, I could really go for a bath. No, never! Never, I never do. Do you guys take baths? Rarely, but like

if I ever have a cold or it is just really cold. I, there's nothing I like to do. Then get in the bath and remember how it magnifies my genitals. Yeah. Yeah. That's really all it is, is it's just staring at your own genitals. That's mostly what a bath is, isn't it?

Where else are you supposed to look? There's something, there's something about a bath. I mean, because you're not, yeah, because you're not taking a bubble bath. There's something about a bath, I mean, because you're not taking a bubble bath. There's something about that, about seeing your naked body through the water, that makes me feel like I am in some sort of clinic. I'm being experimented upon. But baths to me are like gum, where the length of time that they are enjoyable is so short.

Yes. The window is so brief. And then it's like, I got to spit this out or I'm lying in this cold, gross water. But like for people who bathe regularly, they add like hot water. They keep adding hot water and subtracting a little water. They'll sit there forever. What are you doing? Get out of there. A lot of people listen to our podcast.

There's droughts in the world. You know what I mean? Get out of the bathtub. Sometimes I'll try to psych myself up for one. I'll be like, yeah, I'm really going to enjoy this. I'm going to ruin a magazine. I'm going to try to keep my hands dry the whole time. I'm not even going to.

I mean, I have a Kindle, but what's the point? Why tempt fate don't yeah I get candles going like a Kindles and candles I feel like you have and you have to clean the bathtub before you like if you're right so much dust has accumulated on it from not being no I live with roommates so they're just they're a ring around that tub no I keep it clean but I wouldn't just hop in the bath. Are you the person that cleans mostly? It's not the house, but the bathroom, the shower.

Yes. But you're good about that sort of thing? I'm all right with it. Right. Yeah. I'm not. You don't like? I'm more neat than clean.

Like in terms of like scrubbing stuff and stuff like that. See, I'm more clean and cluttery than I am. I'm more spick than span. I'm cluttery. You're spick and span. I'm a little bit of both. Yeah. How do you exist in both worlds?

Oh, it's tough. But you know what? I've reunited spick and span. Oh, good for you. Thanks. Which takes more time, being spick or being span? Oh, boy. I mean, Spick is...

Well, yeah. When you say it on its own... Wait a minute. I just realized. Span is fast. Span spans. But the other one, less. I already said the J word.

What was the J word? It was in newspapers in World War II. Oh, sure. Oh, that's right. So you hired movers. That's very smart. You've got, oh, yeah, you would shower door. How are you going to fix this?

Are you going to Google how to fix shower door and just go at it or what? Eventually. My approach to things like this is always I bet I can see how it's supposed to fit together and I can probably snap it back into place. Um, because I don't think any part is missing. I don't think that something broke. Something just went off the rails a bit. Maybe.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Or you could become shower curtain people. There you go. I have no, I, oh, Graham, I have no problem with the shower curtain. No, me neither. No problem with it.

Harder to clean, but, you know, aside from that. We were shower curtain people at our old place. Yeah, that's true, too. Yeah. They're not cost prohibitive, shower curtains, really. Yeah. $4. Well, here's the thing.

You might get a nice outer curtain, and then you get a liner, which is the thing that takes the brunt of your disgustingness. And that's a thing. That's like, what, a dollar? Throw that away. And then you wrap your other garbage in it, and sayonara. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad.

You could use it as a garbage bindle. Yeah. Oh, fun. Enjoy my black mold, orange peels. Orange peels? Black mold? black mold, orange peels. Orange peels. Black mold, black mold, orange peels. Or they introduce them. Or advising them to enjoy one another.

Is Los Angeles a place where you have compost bins that are standard? Let me tell you something. Not only do we have stuff like that. A lot of people have stuff like that. And we have separate trash cans for organic matter.

Okay. But in our new neighborhood, there's this sort of, it's almost like a localized Facebook, like a sort of website for the area where you can post like, I heard gunshots last night. Mostly it's for lost dogs and lost cats. Okay. That's almost every single day. Refresh feed, refresh feed. Multiple updates. And satisfied looking coyotes

I was exactly exactly there was somebody that posted about a lost cat that said you know

from the date it was just about a month that the cat was missing oh no like here's where you should check a coyote's stomach

I bet that's exactly where it is find the nearest coyote but there's but there's there's updates about missing pets all the time, and it makes me mad after a while. It's like, can't you people control your pets? You're not taking good care of your pets. That's true.

There's so many of them getting out all the time. But then somebody, people also offer free stuff, which is basically just garbage that they don't want in their homes anymore. And this lady. Garbage roundup, you could call that section. Did you check GRO today? GRU! God damn it! Garbage roundup.

Grew. By Sergio Aragone. Wow, Deeple. Some people are like, I have this old chair. Whatever. And it's just junk. And then somebody, one of the subjects is you can get them as an

email. And I got this one. The subject line was any other worm composters out there and this lady was getting rid of this uh bin of uh as she put it very efficient worms right whoa who are eating compost faster than she can feed it to them right and she's superworms she's superworm worms. She's super worms. She's now had to go to the trouble of buying vegetables at the supermarket for these worms. Wow.

And she said, at one point she said, I can't let them just die. Yeah. It's like, you absolutely can. Yeah. They're worms. Feed them to a worm. It's like a little shop of horrors. Yeah. Well, we had to kill a guy.

We had to kill a guy to feed the worms. There was no other way. So was she trying to just divvy up worms? She was trying to just get... Or get rid of them completely. I think these worms were ruining her life. And she wanted to push them off onto somebody else. Oh, imagine her, like, friends hearing about it all the time.

Sorry, I can't hang out. I have to tend to my worms. Of course, my dream is that we'll find out that these crazy worms are responsible for all the lost dogs and cats. Must eat more. Do you hear that screaming? Oh, the worms are hungry. Yeah, that's right. Like she accidentally cuts her hand and they get a taste for blood.

Yeah, worms are like, forget these vegetables. It's all they want now. hand and they get a taste for blood yeah worms exactly forget these vegetables all they want that's i haven't seen worms but in vancouver people will just buy too much dirt yeah and then they'll just be dirt or manure uh for free how do they i mean they just put a sign on top of the dirt free dirt no no no oh okay so understand how they get rid of the extra dirt. How do they misjudge it so poorly? I don't know. I think maybe you can only buy them by the hundred pounds.

Turns out I only needed two pounds. The smallest union was a hundred. I just wanted to make one of those styrofoam cup beans that grow out of a styrofoam cup. That's all I wanted to do. I was trying to keep my potato clock going.

I was doing a science experiment. I was playing heavy metal to one plant and classical music to another. To a pile of dirt. No change. Yeah, results inclusive. Still pretty dirty. Can I? Oh, Kais.

Yeah. Kais Yeah Kais Kais Borat Kais or Sose Yep He was here the whole time Um Look at the bottom of your cup

Oh my goodness How's your photo Um Uh I have to tell you something This is a strange apology That I have for you Uh oh

Is it time for our segment Strange Apologies Yes Yeah Play the theme song okay and uh i thought yeah i have a strange apology too but you go oh yeah this is great oh god uh i was i was behind on my podcast listening and um i got caught up recently and to my horror i discovered that i inadvertently it may seem as if I lifted something from you guys.

Oh. Because I was doing a Comedy Bang Bang live show a few weeks ago in New York. I was portraying the character of Alan Thicke. Oh. And he was, the idea was he was in New York shooting scenes for Unreasonably Thick. Unreasonably Thick. Unreasonably Thick. And so I kept insisting that this was a phrase that everyone knew and used. And I kept, so throughout the whole episode, I keep trying to insert the name Thick into other expressions.

So it seems like it's an actual thing. And then I listened to you guys talk about that, which was before, I guess. Yes. Right. Time-wise, I would say I forgive you. Thank you, Dave. You know, I haven't

heard it. Are those live episodes cost extra? They do cost extra. This one has not come out yet. It has yet to be released. Right. Okay. So let the record show that Paul is, he came to us hat in hand. Hat in hand?

Hand in glove. I'm holding my hat with a gloved hand. Glove in, glover and? McGlovin. McGlovin. McGlovin, absolutely. He's here too. That's why it's so warm in here Yeah

He's four people He's a silent partner Four people One of them wearing hats Graham I understand you have an apology as well Oh yeah Did you really?

No But I'll think of something Why did you You were very convincing When you said that Yeah I was right Would you like to make a strange apology

For duping us in that way? Yeah right? Would you like to make a strange apology for duping us in that way? Yeah, I would, guys. I didn't have a strange apology. I thought that one would come to me, because I do a lot of stuff that's questionable. And, you know, so I assumed that there's got to be something that I owe an apology for.

So far, nothing comes to mind. But you know what? During the course of the show, to try and make amends, I'm going to think of something that I need to apologize for. Graham, may I say? Apology strangely accepted. Oh, excellent. I'm glad. But it hasn't come up with it yet.

Pre-accepting it? I'm pre-accepting it. Okay. Yeah, right. I'm pre-approved. We checked your apology rating. But I say this because I would not want you guys nor the listener to think that I just... No. Yeah, no one would think that. No. Look, we both...

Some people might think that. We both dip our toes into the little bit of... Into the thick waters. Yeah, the thick waters. Unusually thick waters. Have you seen his TV show? I've seen clips of it. Okay, you haven't seen the episode with John Doerr? No! I saw you post clips of it. You haven't seen the episode with John Doerr? No! I saw you post

clips of it on Instagram, snippets. Is it insane? It's insane. John Doerr is just playing a guy. But he's playing a guy. It's not a reality. I mean, is he... No, it's not. What is it? The biggest clip I saw was him

and David Hasselhoff shopping for jeans. What do they do together? Well, Alan is welcomed into David Hasselhoff's memorabilia warehouse, where we are to believe, and I actually kind of do believe it, that David Hasselhoff has this space that is not quite an airplane hangar, but half the size of one. You've got to get a kid in there. Filled with just a bunch of old shit that he's accumulated from various things he's

worked on over the years. He goes, here's my Jekyll and Hyde hat. Here's my Baywatch floaty. When he moves, he doesn't move stuff to his new trash. He just moves it into this trash factory. Boy, that's smart. Yeah. You get an airplane hangar. I into this trash factory. Boy, that's smart. Yeah, you get an airplane hangar for your trash factory. Totally.

What kind of stuff outside of... Well, he has Knight Rider and Baywatch. But Baywatch was just shorts and the floating... Floating jackets, too. There was also Baywatch Knights, where there was monsters. Was he on that? Yeah, I believe so. What about this monsters thing?

Tell me more about this. Baywatch Nights was a weird spinoff of Baywatch where they dealt with supernatural lifeguarding cases. That is not true, is it? It's like if a werewolf was drowning. You need to save the werewolf? Well, that's the dilemma. It was a very, like, the show was very, it was not an easy show. Yeah.

A lot of monster conundrums. Yeah, it was like Mad Men. You like, you really, you made you think about the human condition. You're like, they are having a monster mash, but they don't have a permit to light that fire on the beach. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So what do we do? Are those open containers?

And are you a mummy? Yeah. You guys are supposed to be doing this in the graveyard. This is a graveyard smash. Yeah. It's not a volleyball court smash. Monster Beach Party probably was a follow-up. That's probably on that album as well. I almost feel like that has been a thing. Monster Beach Party? Yeah.

I would bet that's a movie. Or almost feel like that has been a thing. Monster Beach Party? Yeah. I would bet that's a movie. Or sometime, like, Troma? Post-Monster Mash, but during the surf music craze. Yeah.

Just an instrumental. Where do you, in terms of the all-time greatest songs, where is Monster Mash? Oh, boy. What number? Give us a general, like, are we talking the hundred greatest song i'm gonna say the one million greatest songs wolf yeah i'm gonna say

it's in the it's in the hundred it's in the top 100 i'm gonna say it's in the top 1000 what's number one million oh i don't know't know. Some album track. Oh, yeah. Just like some not even. Miss Gradenko. What? Exactly. Oh, no. You know what it is?

It's probably like a sports team song. Like a fight song? No, like a Super Bowl shuffle. Oh, like the, yeah, yeah. Or just one that like, hey, well, the one that's coming to mind for me is when the Vancouver Canucks had Pavel Bure, who was the rookie of the year in 1992. Pavel Bure, his brother married Candace Cameron. No, I know. Wait, where was Candace Cameron from?

Full House. Full House. Thank you. And there were two rival songs celebrating this new hockey player. There was Bure Bure, which was a takeoff on Woolly Bully. Or it could have been Louie Louie. And then there was Bure Bure, there was Louie Louie. Bure Bure.

Whoa. Score that goal. Oh, wow. Not great. Were these played at the games? I think eventually. They had to be played very often in the Shumkas.

I definitely recorded them off the radio. Like you held a tape recorder up to the radio? No, I had a combo. Must be nice. It was 1992. White glove movers.

Did you get rid of a lot of stuff when you moved? Yes Like, was this a big purge? This was a pretty good purge Did you throw everything away Or was there some stuff you Craigslisted or Ebayed? My wife always wants to do that I would rather donate stuff

Because When we've tried in the past to Craigslist Stuff to sell it It either It either takes forever And we knock so much off the price because when we've tried in the past to Craigslist stuff to sell it, it either takes forever and we knock so much off the price. It's like we could have had this out of our house for free a while ago, or it just never moves. Like nobody wants it, and then it's still just sitting there.

And I feel like I look at things in terms of we got our money's worth out of that thing. This is not like we bought it last year. Like, we've had that thing for years. We can get rid of this, and it will have served its purpose. And somebody else will use it. Yeah. Somebody else needs it. And you don't have to meet Craigslist people. Bing, bing, bing, bing.

The worst. The worst. The very worst. Yeah. She loves bargains. She loves bargains. And she likes to buy stuff. We went and got these chairs. We had to drive out to the middle of nowhere to get these chairs that she fell in love with.

Sure. I hate them. But, you know. Is there not a weekly big outdoor flea market or something you could go to and satisfy that? Oh, there's lots of stuff like that. Absolutely. There's lots of stuff like that. We never go to it. Why no it's fun it's fun to go by you know you know what is more fun sitting on the couch watching tv weekends um graham you were saying purging

selling things yeah buying uh what was the like was there anything that you'd been kind of carting around for years and years and you're like, finally, cutting the cord. You know what? No. No. I think that I have gotten past that. I've gotten much better about just getting rid of stuff faster. Yeah. And look, the worst is when you, like, you have some box full of old junk, and then you can't remember what the thing is anymore.

Like, why am I holding on to this? Right. Like, you know it had some sort of sentimental value. Okay. But it's like, I have no association with this thing whatsoever. Yeah. I recognize it as an object. Yeah.

I know it from my life, but I don't remember why it was important. Here you go, worms. They'll eat anything! They're very efficient. Take this pocket watch. He's got little teeth on him, little fangs. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, here we are. Phone drop! I dropped my phone full of notes. Do you guys see it? Oh, here it is. There it is. What's going on with me, guys? Hey, how are you doing? Hey, good. How are you, Dave?

Graham and I flew down to L.A. for Max Fun Con. We flew a day apart. Oh, in case the podcast can continue. Air in the spare. In case one of you is destroyed by fire. Fire will only make me stronger.

But you're right. The sentiment is the same. I always forget that about you. Yeah, yeah. Water will kill me. Oh, boy. We both took the same airline, which we had never taken before. It's a subsidiary of Air Canada called Air Canada Rouge.

It's run by whores. Air Canada called Air Canada Rouge. It's run by whores. And the two noticeable differences between regular Air Canada and Air Canada Rouge are that the flight attendants wear fedoras. Trilby hats. Is that right? Trilby or tribly? Well, it wouldn't be tribly. It's a trilby. Trilby hats? Is that right? Trilby or tribly? Well, it wouldn't be tribly.

It's trilby. Trilby is the word. And replacing grease. I don't know. What would you call that? You're a hatsman. I'm a bit of a hatsman. Those are not trilbys.

They're just little fedoras. Little stingy brims. I like that. They're not mini fedoras. They stingy brims. I like that. They're not mini fedoras. They're regular hat sizes. They're not fedora sliders. We had those at our wedding. They were unpopular.

They were unpopular. From a truck outside. We had somebody pass around a tray with little tiny hats on them. I wanted to call it Lady Detective Airlines because it was all ladies wearing... Yeah, Rizzoli and Isles Airlines. That would make sense because they've got Isles. Anyways, you guys... And the other major difference is no entertainment.

Yeah, yeah, they don't have... They don't have... There's no TVs or anything. We pass the savings on to who? The idea is that there's an app that you download, and if you have an iPad or iPhone or... I don't even know anymore. Yeah.

You can watch it. Or reception. You can watch it on their in-flight Wi-Fi, which doesn't connect to the internet. It only provides you with streaming whatever. Yeah. But they only tell you about the app once you're in the air. When you can't download it. You cannot download it.

When they tell you after they say put away your devices and please turn off the transmitting functions. Do you have that in America? Plains? Yes, Graham. How dare you? We're very modern here. Well, all the movies that we see, it's all state coaches. You can keep your phone on.

You just have to put it in the non-transmitting thing. Because in Canada, they're just going to pass a law that says that you're allowed to play with your phone during takeoff, which exists here already. Yeah. Yeah. But I leave my transmitting thing on. Like, oh, sometimes during the descent, I'll be like, I bet I can get some 3G right now. Dave.

I wait. I wait until we have touched down. So I turn on a little bit early. A little bit. A little bit early. But we're on the ground. You bend the rules. Dave straight up breaks them. Right? Oh yeah, no, I break the rules. I'm a rebel. Yeah, that's

true. You are a rebel. So I was on the plane and when I was in the airport, you guys know I'm going to be a father right yeah yes uh but what that means basically is that i'm a sucker for uh anything that like seems it would be useful to a young father so i was like oh okay i will uh i'll get that esquire magazine with mark walberg on the cover with a baby on his shoulders and it says fatherhood. Oh, no.

What? From his perspective? Yeah. You got to toughen up your kid early. Your kid should have abs. Your kid should have an augurage. What kind of things does Mark Wahlberg have to say about being a father? Oh, mostly that he was quite a rascal as a child.

Yeah, he blinded a man. He did blind a man. What? He blinded a man. He did blind a man. What? He blinded a Vietnamese man. With science? Nope. I think a pipe or a fist or something. Yeah, in the act of robbing a store, he

permanently impaired this man's vision. In one eye. Yeah. In fairness, just. In one eye. Yeah. In fairness, just in the one eye. It's not as bad as you think. Yeah. When he hit this guy with a pipe in the face, he only blinded him in one eye. I made up the pipe thing, but it seems likely.

But it is funny that, I mean, it's not funny, but like he and Matthew Broderick, and there's kind of a... Matthew Broderick killed a guy. Yeah. A family. Did he kill a whole family? I think killed a guy. Yeah. A family. Did he kill a whole family? I think just a guy. Yeah, but that kind of doesn't...

That hasn't been their career. Like, it hasn't been, like, where, you know, whereas Lindsay Lohan does some cocaine, and then that's her career, right? Well, no. Her career is also because she's a monster. Oh, right, yes. She is impossible to deal with on sets and everything. And that makes it very difficult for people. Whereas Matthew Broderick shows up,

knows his lines and doesn't kill anyone there. So it's fine. That's true. But it does. It is like, that's how much we prize celebrities over just average people. Yeah. That's like,

well, but I'm sure he didn't mean to kill that person. Yeah, of course. And I'm sure he didn't mean to kill that person. Yeah, of course. And I'm sure he didn't mean to blind a guy. He just wanted to rob him. His primary objective, robbing, not blinding. Oh, man. So Mark Wahlberg is basically, I don't know, he seems fine.

He's your model for father. He's my new dad. Congratulations. Oh, we should all be so lucky. Yeah, and this time of year was really like, you see all this stuff for dads and grads, and I've always been in the grads camp. Of course. But now I'm like, maybe I'm going to switch allegiance to dads.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's this time of year, man. So you're going to wear a dad tuxedo? Yeah, I'm going to wear a dad mortarboard. Murder board? Yeah. For crows. What does tuxedo

have to do with grads? Don't you go to a tuxedo for prom? Grad? Grad? Graduating to tuxedo? No. You didn't graduate in tuxedo?

You didn't go to a prom? Hold on a second. Would you graduate in... Proms and graduations are not the same thing. In Canada, they are. Do they take place at the same time? We had, they are. Not necessarily.

We had two different. We didn't. We had just something that was just called grad night. And it was like prom, but it wasn't called prom. Yeah, we had that in addition to prom. We didn't have that. We just had grad. I'm blown away, you guys. It was.

And it was for seniors? Yeah. It was your senior prom. But it was called grad night. Okay, Graham And it was for seniors? Yeah. It was your prom. That was your senior prom. But it was called grad night. Okay, Graham, I understand what you're saying. Do you, though? I feel like you're really pushing my buttons. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to. I think that was just your. But you also had a graduation. It didn't happen at grad night. No. Yes. No. And you did not wear a tuxedo to your graduation. You're right. But I did wear a tuxedo to grad night. That's right. Because that was your senior prom. That was weirdly called grad night. Yeah. Why was mine

called grad night? Was yours called senior prom? We had a prom to which I wore a tuxedo. Then two months later, we had our graduation, which also was the same day as grad night. And so I wore a different tuxedo. See? Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, this is what I... You had prom and a grad night? Yeah.

So grad night was a sort of party for the... The night after we did the ceremony. But was it a school function or was this like a sort of... It was a school function or was this like a sort of. It was a school function. The prom was, I think it was like a public private conglomerate. Outside people could buy tickets to this prom. Yeah. It was a quasi-autonomous non-governmental prom. But the grad, I would not like that grad night because I feel like once I got my diploma,

I don't want to have anything more to do with any of you. Well, we got the diplomas before we were done exams and everything. Like, it was just a ceremony. The diploma is a diploma. You can use it, but we all know it's worthless. So like

you were still in high school, but you would walk up to a college and say, I'd like to come in here, please. Yes. One Harvard, please. Is there ever a grad, or am I just making this up in my head, where at the end, everybody who got their diploma jumps in a pool? Is that a thing? Or did I just imagine that out of nowhere? Were you thinking back to school with Ronnie Dangerfield?

Maybe. Well, maybe. Did they all jump in the pool? Well, one guy did on a really cool dive. Oh, that's right. Anyways, sorry. That's my weird apology. Sorry for bringing up a thing that I just invented in my head. So you're in the dad camp. Yeah.

I'm in the dad camp v grads. The other thing... This Get to Know Us is sort of more about appies. This isn't a big meal. This is tapas. Oh, I see. The other thing was

on the plane, Abby has this app for... Your friend, Abby. My friend, my friend and baby-making life partner, Abby, to whom we are committed

legally. You guys are opposite married. We did a... She has this app for kegels, which are Cajun bagels. It's spelled differently. But it's like a thing that comes on, and it's like,

you're doing a 70-second session of kegels, and... Wait, wait, wait, wait. It tells you that you are doing it? yeah well it's like it's happening? yeah yeah yeah no no no I didn't know

guess what you're doing a 70 second session of kegels five times a day she gets a pop-up on her phone that says kegel time stop oh no please kegel don't hurt him and uh if I'm ever around while she's doing it I'll'll be like, oh, let me do them with you. Oh, yeah, absolutely. The family that kegels together. Right.

Stegels together? And so it'll do. Oh, boy. It'll come up on her phone. And for 10 seconds, it'll turn pink. Her phone will turn pink. And that means you kegel. Oh, I get it. And then for six seconds, it'll turn pink. Her phone will turn pink, and that means you kaggle. Oh, I get it. And then

for six seconds, you rest. And then you kaggle again for however, and then sometimes it's like wind sprints, where you kaggle for two seconds, you're off for two seconds. And what I'm realizing is, I'm not good at kaggles. What do you think the

key difference is? Between what? Between what? Between Abby being good at them and you not being good at them. Well, I'm assuming Abby's good at them. Yeah, I'm assuming she's good at them, too. The main difference is you can't tell she's doing them. And when I do them, like, my fingers curl like I'm turning into a teen wolf. My feet come off the ground. Maybe you're doing

them too hard. I'm probably doing them too hard. And then when the session is done, I exhale really lastly. Like you just drank a big glass of water. So it's like... And then I pull a bucket and water pours all over me. So it would look to the outside observer that you were trying to make yourself levitate.

Yeah, and I do. And you couldn't do it. I remind myself a little bit of David Blaine when he was doing those street kegels. He was doing close-up kegels. Is she doing this in anticipation of the baby being borned? I don't know if it is. I guess so. I guess it's to strengthen the baby-making, the baby

pushing muscles. Yeah. The baby-making muscles. Already. They already did that. They've already had their workout. Of course. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, I guess so. I think it's just overall pelvic health. Yeah.

Opiate. Yeah, it's important. Yeah, this has been overall pelvic health. Yeah. OPH. Yeah. It's important. Yeah. This has been a pelvic health moment. That's why I put up all these posters, you guys. This week's show is sponsored by the Pelvic Health Council. Cancel.

Cancel. Pelvic health has been canceled. Again. Due to lack of interest. Yeah. Yeah. Last year's parade was an abomination. We're more interested in pelvic danger.

My two middle names. So, Graham, what's going on with you, my friend? There's a place in Vancouver. This is a weird thing. Is this a limerick? There once was a place in Vancouver. Uh-huh. Not a lot of things around with Vancouver.

Maneuver. Yep. Maneuver! Or duver. Duver, sure. Well, anyways. There's a restaurant in Vancouver that I've gone to now three times, and I guess I don't get their thing that they're doing.

After going there three times. Yeah. The first time I thought, oh, no, I just accidentally ordered a crazy item on the menu. They can't all be like this. Curly fries. Box of soap. The thing is, the food is more than any one person could eat. Like, impossible sizes of food.

The place is called Jethro's. Uh-huh. And they, like, the pancakes. Oh, I know it. I know it. Yeah. They come out and they're the size, there's two of them, and they're both the size of a giant plate.

Yeah. Like a trash can lid. Like, they're both hilarious, giant, Uncle Buck-sized pancakes. There's two of them. And there's two of them. And that's the short stack. How many, like, I have given up on eating pancakes. After this, I'm done.

It's always, it's just always too much. It's always too much. And, like, even when they're just small, regular, normal pancakes. Silver dollar pancakes! Too much. SDPs. Too much. So, that's the first time I ordered it, I was like, oh, okay, that's what they do here.

Hilariously. Very funny Jethro's. Very hilariously large pancakes. This round goes to you. And then they just assume you're going to pack up the rest and they give you a box. Yeah. But they never met Graham Clark. Sir, did you throw your excess pancake on the floor?

Where could it be? Just slid it. That would be so crazy if somebody did that. Can I box it up for you? Nope. Scrape it on the floor. You can mop it up for me. Mop it up!

So, and then I ordered the breakfast burrito even bigger than the pancake like hilariously sized now you're talking yeah

right yes I love a breakfast burrito but it was impossible like nobody could have eaten how much show me with your hands

how big it was where the burrito touched you wow yay and that big around yeah so it's like, almost like a football.

Yeah, like, indicating. And, and, how much did you get through? About half. About half a football. Yeah, half, I ate half a football.

You made it to the 50 yard line. Um, do, when you eat a breakfast burrito, is it with your hands or with a knife and fork? Depends on the size. This one had to be knife and fork

because it was so gigantic. You would have picked it up and it would have just fallen off. Here's what bothers me about that. Go on. Is that when it's something that's that kind of unwieldy and you have to use a knife and fork, then the stuff is just falling out and then it's not even, that's not what you ordered. Now you're eating just a bunch of, just a pile of food. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder if it was a kind of Mexican sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. And you're eating it because you feel that you have to. Not because you're like you're just, oh, that fell out. That's still food, though. It's not even though it's not in the fun part. I still have to eat.

So what do you think is this? What's their end game? Yeah. Why? Why the giant, giant, hilariously giant food? Well, I've been there only once, though, because I don't like to line up for breakfast. Yeah, no, the worst. Have we discussed this before? Probably.

Oh, I hate it. But people don't mind. I don't think. I don't know. It's crazy. Are you starving? Don't you want to start your day yes um and i don't understand people who don't wake up ravenously hungry which to me is just normal

that's how you wake up uh and then yeah yeah but but and i went to jethro's once at like nine in the morning which is very early for there to be a lineup. And there was a lineup. Yeah. And then Abby got pancakes and we had... She'll take anything home that the restaurant gives you. Everything's leftovers. But I know... Are you interested in this?

But I'm like... Wait, wait, wait, what are you saying? There's always leftovers? Yeah. And even if I know we are going to throw this away at home, she will still accept it in a box to take home for me to throw out later. My legal friend is like that, too. That's what she does. Legal friend. Her favorite food is leftovers.

Right. But she doesn't eat them? No, she does eat them. Okay. She'll eat them for breakfast. Okay. So we'll go out to a restaurant the night before, and so in the morning I'll have oatmeal or some eggs or something, and she'll be having, like, you know, a cote de bouffe and some steamed asparagus or whatever. It's so weird.

Like I love what we're seeing on the couch. You're eating out of a bowl. She's eating out of a tinfoil swan. She's got a plate with a knife and fork. Good boy. Yeah. Some sparkling wine with that. Basket of bread.

But, yeah, I don't know. Big pepper grinder over top of it. Dave, you went to Jethro's. Yeah. And so you ended up taking home some leftovers. Yeah. And then dunking them in the garbage can. Yeah.

But like, especially pancakes. Like, do you want, hey, this largely flavorless sack of dough? Yeah. That you've poured syrup all over. Slowly, just actually, now that I say it, that sounds delicious. Do you want this flat thing that turns into a stomach punch in a half an hour? But do you think that the chef there...

Chef. Cookie? Do you think he's a giant? And he just thinks this is everything to him? He's trying to make it small. Yeah, he has no idea that everybody...

Keep in mind, they're little tiny creatures. All right, here we go. Oh, I can barely see this one. Order up! He's making it with a jeweler's loop. Genie pancakes, huh? Are you taking them? I can't see down there.

He's above the cloud line. His first few times, he killed people. He dropped a pancake on someone. Yeah, crashed somebody's car. He was on his way to marry the Ketchups, and I killed him with my cooking. So, yeah, anyways, I don't get this place. Too much food. And it's super cheap, too.

So I'm like, is this, did you get like. Oh, yeah. Like some like tainted stuff that you're, you know what I mean? Why is it so cheap? If you served me a human portion of this, it would have been 25 cents. Is this a time machine restaurant? Yeah, yeah. What do they, what do they know about food that I don't? What math did they do?

Volume. Maybe you can go back there in a couple months and they would have regular sized portions because they've burned through their stock of poisonous materials. Yeah, desert storm. Tomatoes. Yeah, sure. For your tomato pancakes. But they're not just a breakfast place, right? Nope, breakfast and lunch.

No dins. No dins. But I mean, what would they do with dinner? How big would that lasagna be? Like Fred Flintstone stuff. Kipping over your car. I remember when the Flintstone movie came out. Yeah.

And McDonald's brought back the McRib. And it was a, they did a live action reenactment of that scene with the Bronto burger or whatever. With the giant, what is it? The side of ribs? Side of ribs, yeah. Bronto ribs. That tips over the car. And Rosie O'Donnell, as Betty, says,

Hmm, is tipping allowed here? Which, of course, it isn't at McDonald's. Oh, yeah, that's true. So, good gag. Yeah. Revisiting good gags. Of all, in the history of casting, was there a weirder casting than Rosie O'Donnell as Betty Rubble? Go.

Pick a weirder casting moment. O'Donnell as Betty Rubble. Go. Pick a weirder casting moment. Well, I mean, growing up, I watched the Flintstones, and I was Betty was always the very attractive one. Probably just in attitude.

Will always seemed mean. Yeah, she also had pupils and irises, which I think made her more attractive than someone who just had pupils. That's like, everybody's got their type. Yeah. And that's my, I really like a girl who has pupils and irises.

And so I think Rosie O'Donnell was good casting because she had both those things. Fair. Fair enough. I also thought when I said, is there any weirder Dolph Lundgren as He-Man in the Masters of the Universe movies? He's pretty perfect. Who's supposed to play it? Kenneth Branagh? Yeah.

There you go. See? Kenneth Branagh as He-Man. Didn't take us two seconds to find a better He-Man. What about Ben Affleck as Batman? There's no way that movie could be good, right? People's outrage over stuff like that is starting to really wear on me. You know what their problem is?

They care too much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Their hearts are too big. When it comes to made up people. But not to people who are alive on Earth. It's not like I'm the biggest, you know, activist in the world and I'm out there saving lives.

Where in the top million biggest activists do you rank? One million. Oh, wow. One million. I'm number biggest, you know, activist of the world, and I'm out there saving lives. Where in the top million biggest activists do you rank? One million. Oh, wow. One million. I'm number one million. Wow. I can say that with absolute certainty. You're the beret beret of activists.

But the Louie Louie version. Not the Wooly Bully version. Oh, boy. Guys, do you want to move on to overheards? Yeah. Okay. All right. Happy summer, everybody.

Griffin McElroy here, the youngest of the McElroy brothers. I'm Travis McElroy, the middle-est brother. And I'm beloved performer Jimmy Buffett. He is not. But we do do a podcast together called My Brother and My Brother and Me. It's a comedy advice show. You can find it at mbnbam.com, maximumfun.org, or just search for it on iTunes. I love you, Sacramento!

You're not even on a stage. Griffin, are you watching the shrimp? They're beginning to boil. So join us this summer as we waste an hour of your life that you'll never get back ever again. You know, I know something about wasting away again in Margaritaville. I'm beloved. I know you are. What's up?

My name is Jasper Red, co-host of The Goose Down, along with the lovely Kimberly Clark, and we want to invite you into the comfort and groove of our podcast that encompasses the arts and entertainment. You can check us out at Maximalfun.org,

also available on iTunes. See ya! Overheard! Overheard's a segment in which those of you out there with one or more working ear, or if Marky Mark Walberg has it

deafened you in one year. Or if you're able to read lips. Or even if you're just able to see something hilarious. We invite you to send them in to us, and we, in exchange, share ours with you. And so it's a fair trade. It seems fair.

Yeah, and we like to start with the guest. Oh, I'm the guest. You are the guest! Do you have one? I do have one. I have two. What? So, I would like to bookend the overheard. If I may. Guest with the best, I was going to say. Yeah.

I was on a plane myself recently, on a Delta Airlines flight. Oh, they love to fly. And it shows. Well, I was, we can argue that later. Okay.

Fair enough. Fair enough. I'm not here to relitigate any slogans. And they, you know, a lot of airlines now are redoing their safety videos to make them more interesting to try to grab your eye because people just tune out. Yeah.

And so I guess they, I don't even think that it's that they're trying to make them more interesting. I think they're just trying to make them different. So you'll say, oh, what's going on here? And so Delta's new safety video is an 80s themed thing where people are in crazy 80s

clothes and stuff like that. And there's even a cameo from the very specific looking red haired lady who used to tell you that smoking was not allowed. Oh, wow. Do you know the person I'm talking about? No. On Delta flights, there's this woman that some people call her Deltalina.

She's this woman who has red hair, crazy blue eyes, and the most insane cheekbones. Oh. Right? And so she's a very specific looking person. And when she would get to smoking, she would say, smoking is not allowed. And she would wag her finger back and forth. The last time

Delta Reed did their safety video, she makes a cameo in it. She used to do the whole thing. And she makes a cameo and they talk about smoking. They cut to her in a seat behind someone about to light up a cigarette. She just gives them the old finger wag they talk about smoking, they cut to her, like, in a seat behind someone about to light up a cigarette. She just gives him the old finger wag. In this one, the 80s one, they have, like, a little red-haired girl because she would have been a child at the time.

Oh. Right? And she gives the finger wag. Yes, she does. Delightful. Delightful. That's a good overheard. So, well, I'm not done.

Oh, okay. How dare you? So, it's like people in crazy wigs And outfits and stuff like that There's breakdancing, guy does the worm Somebody else locks and pops The 80s all took place in one day, right? Remember that day, the 80s?

And so When it starts, these two women behind me Start some excited chattering One says Oh, I heard about this one. It's supposed to be great. So then they watch it. Reverential silence for the whole thing.

And then when it's over, one of them says, Now that was good. That was a good one. And then the other one says, Yeah, talk about technology finally catching up. I don't know. What? Yeah, right. Technology Talk about technology finally catching up. Confused. I don't know. What?

Yeah. Right? Technology of wigs? Technology of references? Oh, wow. And this was the safety video. Yeah. I haven't seen a fun safety video.

No, there's one in Canada. It's the one where- WestJet? Yeah, and the lady, she's wearing a very Bruno Gerussi comes out. Yeah, he wags his finger. Canada all happened in one day. No lacrosse on the play. Enjoy your syrup. When I was a

kid, I did a just for fun, one summer day I recorded my own version, audio version on audio tape. I was big at tape recording things. Yeah, yeah. Dave out in his garage. An early podcaster.

Of the Arsenio Hall Show. Wait, wait, wait. We missed something. I recorded my own version of the Arsenio Hall Show audio. Oh, man. I will give you a million dollars. Wait, I have another overheard. Can I go?

Go quick. I heard this guy talking about how when he was a kid, he recorded his own version of the Arsenio Hall show. And it started with the announcer. I did all the voices. Of course. As friendless children do. Yeah, yeah. Although I would have wound up friendless if I ever suggested, hey, want to come over and record our own version of the Arsenio Hall show?

Yeah, and your friend would have been like, well, who gets to be Arsenio Hall? Well, me. I've got the recording equipment. I'm not going to be the announcer. Yeah. Who else was on that show? Oh, there was Arsenio Hall. There was my posse.

Oh, no. That was the Magic Johnson show had Sheila E. and the Escovedo family. You think all black talk show hosts look alike? Don't they? You think all black talk show hosts who appeared in AIDS awareness videos? Did Arsenio have a band leader? Yeah, well, his name was Mike.

His name was Mike? Well, because he would say, say hello to my posse, and then he would go over and touch fingers with a band leader who I think was named Mike Wolfe or something. And he was here to say something. I can't remember what.

Something he liked in a major way. But my sister thought his name was Mike Posse because he would always say, hey, say hello to my posse. Oh, say hello to Mike Posse. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Of course, the dog pound. Yeah, I did the announcer. I can't remember what the guests were supposed to be.

He announced our studio. But it was obvious. I mean, presumably, it was your dream lineup of our studio guests. Yeah, sure. The ultimate warrior. Two other restaurants. Yeah. Prince doing bat dance.

Prince doing Vicky Waiting or whatever the other song electric chair now Prince being convinced that an electric chair was part of the the plot of Batman did you you were at the wrestling show or a show macho man on Arsenio Hall and he kind of he loses he loses Yeah, he falls out of character? Yeah, halfway through. Anyway, so... Morgan Fairchild is there. Yeah, he says, is this about a girl? And Macho Man tries to wind up Macho Man's character.

Well, yeah, I guess it is. I guess it is kind of about a girl. But anyway, back to me. He tried to macho his way out of it, but he could not. So I have a point. And I specifically remember, I don't remember what the monologue jokes were. That's a shame that those are lost to time. And I'm pretty sure I did the dog pan and all the, oh, I'm pretty sure I came up with a nickname for the dog pan.

Yeah, these people over here... Are people who came to the show. People who don't have friends. And then I went to commercial. And the commercial was the announcer saying, The show is brought to you by Delta. Delta, we love to fly and it shows. And Dial.

Aren't you glad you used Dial? Don't you wish everybody did? Does this tape still exist? I doubt it. I mean, that would be the ultimate podcast. Yes. Just releasing this tape. The ultimate podcast.

Amazing. Is it my turn this thing. The ultimate podcast. Amazing. Is it my turn for an overheard? Yeah. Mine took place at the hotel at which we are staying here in Los Angeles, California. As I was heading back into the hotel this morning, after I went out to get a coffee, I saw these two kind of tough-looking dudes leaving the hotel, sort of in their late 40s, big burly guys.

And then one of them I just heard this tiny snippet and it was in a southern accent and it was a super, like, kind of, uh, well, I'll just do it. These are real tough guys. Real tough guys. And one of them said,

it's like, I'm trying to sleep when I'm scared. What? It's like trying to sleep when I'm scared? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's not easy to do. No, it's not. It's one of, I would say it's one of the harder feats. Uh, I don't know what I could sleep.

I can't, there's a lot that won't let me sleep, but, and fear isn't one of them, especially being scared like of a boogeyman. When is the last time you were you felt irrationally scared like that of like, let's say you saw a movie and it kind of gave you the creeps when you got home or you like I thought you heard a noise or something.

Yeah, I watched this movie called I think it was called The Orphanage. Si! Orphanato. Orphanato. So scary. Tomas! Yeah, I think after that I felt very scared. That was a creepy movie.

That movie gave me the creeps. Yeah, and I had a friend who was adopting at the time, and I was so scared for them. I was like, who knew? Make sure he doesn't have a bag on his head. Make sure he's not a changeling. Um, I,

uh, sometimes like a Creek or anything that wakes up the dog and like, Oh yeah. His ears are more sensitive. And I'll be like, Oh no, I'm the man I have to investigate. Yeah,

exactly. No, but it's 2014. You can let your pregnant wife. Yeah, sure. Uh, the hammers, uh have to investigate. Yeah, exactly. No, but it's 2014. You can let your pregnant wife investigate. The hammer's over there. The hammer? It's over there. It's close to the vent.

It's over there. Do you want to borrow the hammer? She's like, no, I've got the ice pick. Yeah, I'll be fine. How about you? Last time you were irrationally. I think there was some noise in the night at our old place. And I had to, you know, my wife didn't hear.

And I had to tiptoe out of bed and slowly creep through the house and make sure that everything was as it should be. And it was really terrifying. How about new house? Any spooks? Spooks? Ghouls? Ghosts? No ghouls, no goblins.

Shades? Specters? Banshees? No. So far, no. Okay. The worst I ever had it was after we saw the movie The Strangers.

Which one's that? That was the one with Liv Tyler and the people with the crazy mask. Oh, yeah! That movie, because we had just moved into this place. It was our first time moving in together years ago. Which is scary in and of itself. Right relationships.

We're so like Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman. We saw the movie in, it was summer, it was really hot. We're like, let's go to the movies. We walked to the movie theater, saw this movie. It was still light when we got outside, but it was a very unsettling movie. And we got in a weird fight on the way home because we were both so edgy from seeing this movie. And then we got home and everything was fine. And then when it got dark, I was freaked out.

Yeah. And I could not sleep. I did not sleep the whole night. The whole night was me telling myself that it was a movie. Did your legal friend, did she have any trouble sleeping? No, she was fine. She was dreaming about that leftover popcorn she could have for breakfast. She serves in her own popcorn bag.

Yeah. Well, she routinely watches murder stories. Right. That's her number one thing. So she's her story. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Abby's the same. She's big. SVU till the day she dies. She wants to know about these sex crimes.

Yeah. They're particularly heinous. Yeah. Yeah. Why didn't they're particularly heinous. Yeah. Yeah. Why didn't they call it heinous squad? Law and order. Heinous squad. My overheard. Oh, you go.

Don't think we've forgotten about you. No, I didn't even for a second. Mine was on the bus transit. And there was a lady. Oh, no plane overheards. You know what? Everybody on the plane,

except for myself and one other person, were all of Asian descent and speaking in languages I do not speak. Maybe you should learn. Yeah, I could. I could stand to learn another language. For overheard purposes.

Absolutely. Nothing frustrates me more than a loud person speaking a language I do not understand because I'm like, this is gold. Gold I cannot do anything with. But this person was speaking in English, the one language I know how to speak. On the bus? Yeah. And she was doing all of her and she was doing all of her

stuff about student loans over the phone on the bus. It seemed like the wrong place to be doing that kind of stuff. I don't know. You're like, whatever. Everyone else is sort of in the same boat, I'm sure. It's better than just sitting on the bus quietly listening to other people's conversations.

We're looking at you, listeners. And she, I guess she had a disagreement with the person that she was, that was helping her, and she said at one point, well, I find your tone very condescending. Well, it doesn't sound like you have a cold.

That is great. Anytime I'm ever accused of sounding any way, I will pass it off as a cold. Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm not condescending. I don't know. I'm not being sarcastic. I have a cold. Why are you being so hateful? It's a cold.

Hateful. Why are you being so hateful? Are's a cold. Hateful. Why are you being so hateful? Are we ready to loop it back around in me? Yes, yes! These books are going to fall off the shelf if not for this end of books. Book end. Well, we got there, and that's the most important thing. I haven't overheard, and it's something I overheard on your show.

What? Past guest, Ricky Don Sigurdsson. You guys were all talking about mustaches. Yes. And you were trying to think of someone. Oh, no. Looks good with just a mustache. And you just couldn't think of a single person.

Not one person looks good with a mustache. Who looks good with a mustache? I don't know. It's impossible. I think I had a cold. Yeah, I think we all had a cold. Oh, well, I do apologize. I'm very sorry. You're right. We blew it. Sitting there waiting, waiting, waiting. Any second now.

It crossed my mind. They're going to say, you know who looks great with a mustache? Our friend, Paul F. Tompkins. It is true. It crossed my mind. They're going to say, you know who looks great with a mustache? Our friend, Paul F. Tompkins. It is true. It's a fact. But, you know what? While you're on the spot now, what else are you going to say? Well, you know, at the time, all I could think of... Would you tell me that my face, you don't look good with a mustache?

Um, no. No, I wouldn't tell you that. What if I asked, what if I said, do I look good with a mustache? Would you tell me the truth? Yes. Why not? I'm not asking. Yeah. But if I said, do I look good with a mustache? Would you tell me the truth? Yes. Why not? I'm not asking. But if you didn't, how would we handle it if he didn't look good

with a mustache? And he asked us outright. And I had it for years. You know what? It was an established thing on my face. I've never liked it, but it's an interesting face and you're doing great things with it. It seems to be working for you.

I support you doing whatever you want with your face and lip. Where I grew up, we didn't have the same opportunities to have mustaches. But you liked having a mustache. Oh, no. You liked it a little bit. Yeah, I liked it. You thought it looked good on you. I did think it looked good on me.

It did look good on you. It changed the look of your face considerably. Yeah, but I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. It's a big deal. It's a big change, and it can ruin families. I've always wanted to be able to just... It will ruin families, to just have a mustache, but I don't think I could do it. Of course you could.

You think? You have a look, and it's rich and hearty. Because you used to have... It's golden flaky, tender cakey. I used to have a mustache, but I don't think I could do it. Of course you could. You think? You have a look and it's rich and hearty. Because you used to have. It's cool and flaky, tender, cakey. I used to have a much trimmer beard. Yeah, I had a mustache and then a small beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think of the days of just having maybe just a mustache.

Here's what I think the key is. When's the last time you saw your chin? Oh, years ago. Oh, yeah. Years and years ago. Was it in a Chinese phone book? Jeez Louise. Jeez Louise. Jeez Louise.

You know? He has a cold. Oh, man. The key to the mustache is how big is your upper lip? Okay. And I feel like I have a large enough upper lip that it makes sense on my face. Right. To kind of cover that real estate. Can I ask how often do you maintain every day?

Do you have to trim every day? No, I trim like once a week. That's not bad. Yeah. That's not bad at all. I have one of those kits that's like a trimmer with all different. And Graham, how often do you trim your situation? My mustache once a week.

But I was wondering if you just have a mustache mustache if it's got to have more focus and attention i don't know focus yeah all for detention yeah it depends on fuel do you want your mustache to go into your mouth like some people do why do people want that they're gross people yeah they are pretty gross they're wrong yeah something is like because is it because they can wax it up or they don't like other people What they're saying is I want you to think about this going into my mouth And all the food that gets caught in it Look at my mouth brow

And I have a friend who's just Grown a big bushy beard Just overnight? Well almost He's one of those guys Or do you mean that's all he's done? Like with his life? Yeah.

He's just grown a big, fudgy beard, and that's it. Can't talk now. I'm growing a beard. Can't go into that, growing a beard. And he asked me, he's like, do you wash it? And I was like, ooh, you shouldn't have a beard. Like, you should. Do you wash it?

Yeah. And I was like, oh, yikes a daisy. Yeah, right? But you didn't answer. How should I know? Give him a concise yikes a daisy. Yeah. I knew a guy, a comedian who had a big, crazy, waxed up mustache.

Like literally like something out of the Wizard of Oz where it was, you know, so far off his face and then in a curly Q. Right. And then we did this road gig together. We're staying in the same hotel. And I saw him during the day without all the wax in it. And it was just this like Yosemite Sam, like a crazy because he had red hair. It was just crazy amount of hair that's just coming out of his lip, like past his chin. It was weird.

It's really weird. Not worth it for some jokes that he would tell. How much time did he get out of this mustache? Like on stage? Is this a three minute chunk? I would say, yeah, probably like three minutes up top and then some callbacks along the way. Yeah. Did he do a lollipop guild

joke? I'm going to pretend you didn't ask that question. Yikes a daisy. Sorry. Y-A-D. Yeah! Oh, by Sergio Aragon. Now we also have

some overheards that have been sent in. In addition to the ones that we've just done. You bet. Oh, this is great. These ones come via emails. If you want to send one in. I have email. Yeah? Yeah. Are you an AOL guy? That's right, I am. I got all those free discs, and I'm making them work for me.

If you want to send them in, send them in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one says that they haven't overheard for your ass, which I don't like the attitude. I don't like that kind of shit. But, you know, it's a pretty, you know. This is on the bus. There was a man and a woman sitting in front of me. They must have been in their early 20s.

And they didn't know each other that well. So they're just feeling each other out. Ooh. Yeah. Go on. On the bus. Man, what kind of music do you listen to? Woman. Pop, electronic, anything on the radio. Man, you should listen to

Attila. Woman. Really? Who's that? Man, they're a death metal band. Real brutal, but real good. I think you'll like them. After about a six second pause. Okay, I'll look into them. You're pretty good. If that will make you stop talking about them.

Oh, well, judging by the music I already like, yeah, I think I will like this. Pretty brutal band. Yeah. Thanks for brutal music. Yes. Anyone killed on the recordings? Yeah. I guess if I had to pick one adjective.

Are these like snuff songs where there's actual deaths recorded and buried in the background? Yeah. Thanks for listening to me and understanding what I'm trying to tell you. Yeah, like Katy Perry and Attila. Those are the big two. Now, I thought Attila, and I just learned this, was this band that Billy Joel

had before he was a solo artist. That was like a prog rock band. Is that right? It's pretty brutal. Doesn't he wear, he wears like a crazy helmet and stuff on the cover? Is that, or am I thinking of a different thing? Oh, I was yes-ending. No, I mean, obviously there must be another band

named Attila, but I just heard that today. I didn't know that Billy Joel was in any musical outfits before Billy Joel. Well, they did one really brutal song where there's a guy it broke his back Well I think you could do like a death metal Well.

I think you could do like a death metal version of We Didn't Start the Fire. Sure. But we did start it. Yes. With Cookie Monster vocals. Just kidding. We did. And then your CD player catches fire. Yeah.

CD player. They planted arson in the song. They could do an update, right? Huh? Of We Didn't Start the Fire. Oh, with things that have happened in the last 20 years. Yeah. Something, something, Snooki, something.

Yeah, sure. Something, something, Snooki, something. Because there's been a lot of stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Snooki. Snooki et al. Poor example.

Binders up where men. That's what the world is today. Oh, man. Oh, was Mitt Romney, did you do your Mitt Romney impression in the last episode? Future Mitt Romney? Future Mitt Romney. Oh, was Mitt Romney, did you do your Mitt Romney impression in the last episode? Future Mitt Romney? Future Mitt Romney. Yes, I did. Oh, eh, eh, eh.

That's what he sounds like. Oh, no, eh, eh, eh, eh. You've really fleshed the character out. Thank you. This next one comes from Richard P. in Toronto. Oh, Richard Pryor. Yep. The late, great. Oh, this one's going Richard P. in Toronto. Oh, Richard Pryor. Yep. The late, great.

Oh, this one's going to be good. Yeah. I was in a coffee shop and overheard the guy behind me talking to the French barista. Him, I love your sweater. Her, oh, everyone is being so nice to me today. I feel like I'm in that Tom Hanks movie, Groundhog Day. So what does she think? What?

None of it makes sense. None of it. Is there even a movie where everyone's nice to the person all the time? The Truman Show? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, totally. That's three wrong things.

Well, I mean, because a movie where everyone's nice to you all day long, it's not much of a plot. There's no conflict. Yeah, it's kind of... It must be the Truman Show. I can't think of what else she might be talking about. Yeah, I can't think unless... Forrest Gump?

I can't think... Not everybody was nice to him! No, that's true. Some people were very mean to him. Yeah, that's true. You know, the only one who was really nice to him all the time? Janay. And even she didn't. She was horrible to him. Sorry, his mother. Yeah.

Sallyfield. Yeah, right. I haven't seen The Truman Show, but good for me. Yeah, to know that much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's time to remake that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's time to remake that movie. No, we're good. You good?

We're good. What is there time to remake? Reimagine the Avengers? We Didn't Start the Fire? All right. This last one comes from Tyler M. from Knoxville, Tennessee. I'm a college student, and recently I was riding the bus between campus and my apartment complex when I overheard two girls sitting behind me talking about an abandoned orphanage that we had just passed. Scary.

Girl. Oh, look at that. An orphanage. What a sad place. Girl two. No, it's not. Just think about all the children they saved off the street. They are real heroes.

Girl one, you're right. I changed my mind. An orphanage is a happy place. Arguments swayed. Yeah, I changed my mind. Yeah, you're right. I've changed my mind. I'm reversing my previous orphanage stance.

Let's stay here and look at it a while. Get happy. Update my bio, obviously. Likes? Orphanages. Yeah. Dislikes? Rude language. Yeah. The kids, they got off the streets. Yeah.

The reference for orphanages in there being either Oliver Twist or Annie. Yeah. I'm assuming it's like a dog catcher going around the town. A child catcher. Yeah. If your kid isn't registered, not wearing his tags. Yeah.

Oh, that's right. He goes to the orphanage. Lures them with the promised cookies, candies, and cakes. Caught with a giant butterfly net. Yep. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, then do so. Our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have.

Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Dana from West Virginia. I was at the park last night with my family. We were running around. And my son had to go to the bathroom before. So we went to the bathroom. And as you can imagine, it was a miserable experience in a public park. But the good part was we were leaving.

And I hear this old man talking to, well, I assume it's his middle-aged son. He said, then there's Walker, Texas Ranger. Now, he's not a real person, but still, that's all I heard. But still, he has a name. Even fake people have names sometimes. So they'll go to heaven. It's all the only criteria. It was nice of that guy to call in.

I wish he had remembered to soak his phone in rice overnight before he made the call. I'm glad it still works after he dropped it in that aquarium. What were they doing? They were noodling around in the park? I think he said running around. And also, did you say soak his phone in rice? Yeah, of course I did. I am just soaking in rice.

Give it a good rice soak. Oh, have you guys tried filling a bathtub with rice? Not yet. That would feel good. What do you mean? And then getting in it? Yeah. With just dry rice?

Dry rice. I think it would be scratchy. Yeah, and also there would probably be all sorts of potato bugs in there. Do you get rice bugs, you mean? Sorry. Do you get into the tub and then the rice is poured on you, or is the tub filled with rice? The tub is filled with rice. Get in there.

You get in there. We didn't start the rice bath. Right, guys? No, you're right. Uncle Ben and to Mama, these are, well, only one of the mixed rice Yeah, there's, oh, nobody else is really like Well, there's an Uncle Tom's rice No

Yeah What? Yeah Yikes, controversial There's Rony Oh, yeah, a Rony Right A Rony

Who are the major rice smiths in the rice community? White On Jerry Who are the major rice smiths in the rice community? White on. Jerry. The Capades. Here's your second overheard phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham and guests. This is Catherine in Portland with an overheard.

It's a really nice day in Portland today, and a couple of bro-ed-out gentlemen were walking by me, and one said to the other, hot day like this, we should get a smoothie, get our smoothie on. And the other guy paused and said, yeah, man, time to carpe that DM. I thought it was pretty great and also true. Why not? So anyway, I hope you're doing well. Thanks for the show.

Have a great day. Bye. She's going to carpe that diem. She really is. Wow. She likes those bros. She called them gentlemen. What's the other one?

What's buyer beware? Tevye at emptor? Yeah. Yeah. Do both. You better emptor that caveat. Yeah, I am going to carpe diem. You guys know it's the 25th anniversary of Carpe Diem movie?

Dead Poets Society. You guys throwing any parties? Yeah, I guess. What would I serve? Oh. Hoof. Hoof. Hoof. Of course.

Private school punch. Like a wolf pants platter. Let's see. What else do they do? We'll be doing desk stands. Hammered. Where we fill a desk with the liquor

and turn it upside down in your mouth. Carpe diem. Here is your final overheard of 2014. Hey Dave, Graham, and Gus. This is Brian in South Florida with an overheard.

I'm currently with my wife and son at Star Wars Week weekend at Disney's Hollywood studios. And I just came out of the bathroom and I was in there at the urinal next to a guy. And we both ended up finishing and going to the things at the same time. And when I'm washing my hands, I look over and notice him not using soap,

but just washing the tips of his fingers in the sink over and over. And it just struck me that he's just washing the tips of his fingers because that's what touched the penis. And that's the only dirty part of his hands from being in the same park all day. Thanks, guys. Well, fair enough. He would use a finger bowl if that was provided. Yeah, do you think he filled the sink with water and was just dipping?

Put a lemon wedge in there. Maybe he was wearing fingerless gloves all day. That guy sounded like he said he was curling with his wife and son. That he was curling with his wife and son? Yes. At the beginning of the call. No curling allowed

on this airplane. You can't curl in there. Star Wars week? Yeah, you go. They form a curling squadron of you and various Darths. If I wanted to take up curling, it's feasible that I could go to the Olympics, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You'd have to wear some very silly pants.

Aren't I doing that already? Not right now. That's why I've been looking at your midsection. It's not beyond me. Yeah, no. Beneath you. No way. Pants are on you.

I think. Beneath you. I mean, I don't think they do a lot of training outside. Like, you know, if you're a sprinter, you would be doing, you would be also in the gym doing leg presses and stuff. I feel like curling, you just do curling. Yeah. Like you're not.

I think you got to be, don't you have to have pretty. Your curling muscles? Yeah. Because those. Your sweeping. Those stones are pretty heavy. They're. Rock.

Let the stones do the work. Yeah, that's true. But Dave, you could be a curler. Thanks. I could be a curling coach. Yeah. Oh, would you coach me? Yeah, I'd coach you. Alright. It's on. You need a team. Do you know

some other curlers? Oh, now I need a team? Yeah. You can't solo curl. I would talk some other people into it. Yeah. Some other guys in their 40s. Montage. You putting together your team. Some of my other middle-aged friends. Like, hey, do you feel like going to the Olympics with me? Yeah, yeah. Some guy playing poker.

Like, these are my weekly poker game. Yeah. How about instead of poker, we get some fresh air, some exercise at the outdoor curling rink? Hey, no, let's eat more quadruple-decker sandwiches. Smoke more cigars. All right, well, you are going to be on the team. But you've got to stop smoking cigars Alright well you Are gonna be on the team If I do not stop smoking cigars You can't be one of the broom people

Obviously Broomsmen? Broom kids Do the different positions have different names? There's the skip He's the captain Then there's The three broomsmen

Then there are the musketeers Let's see There's three Blind mice Yeah There is A fab four That's a lot of people

On this team Yeah Usually about 16 17 people On the curling team Four injuries 12 angry men Yeah

Eight men out We're in the We're in the 20s If not 30s by now yeah uh Paul Paul

yeah hi hi there we're here at the at the end of the podcast I know it's sad yeah um

what are you up to like that you want to like promote are you talking about plugs you bet I'd love to plug yay yay yay

uh if this comes out before june 13th it do you do come to see varietopia if you're in los angeles come to see varietopia at largo at the coronet that is my variety show i love it fun music comedy weird Fun, music, comedy, weird stuff. Is this new? This is a new. I rebooted my variety show. Formerly the Paula Tompkins show. Formerly the Paula Tompkins show. I'm still a part of it. Right.

But it's a lot of fun. We've been having, we're three shows in, and it's been great fun. Last week was our third show. We had a couple of the puppets from No, You Shut Up on the show. Oh, yes. Which was a lot of fun to do. But great music and great comedy. And something a little different.

It's a lot of fun. That's awesome. Tickets are on sale now. June 13th. June 13th. Friday the 13th. Oh. Are you so scared?

Oh, God. I'm terrified of, because the show takes place under a ladder. Oh, no. Oh, no. On a broken mirror. Yeah. Yes. There we go.

The show is across the street from a bunch of black cats. That's like, we're up to, how many years of bad luck? They go in sevens, no? Yeah. Yeah. Depends how many cats. Enough to kill a dog. Cha-cha. Cha-cha. No? Yeah. Depends how many cats. Enough to kill a dog. So the 13th.

And people can find you on Twitter, right? If you want to follow your hilarious tweets. At PF Tompkins. Look for the verified one. Oh, also Charleston, South Carolina. Me and the guys from Super Ego were coming to

Theater 99 in Charleston January, January, June 22nd through the 28th. We're going to be doing improvisized shows the whole weekend, the whole week, week. Oh, wow. Holy cow. Seven shows. Saturday, Saturday. Insane.

It's going to be a different show every night. I'm going to improvise some standup. Then we're going to do sketches together. Um, it's going to be a lot of fun night. I'm going to improvise some stand-up. Then we're going to do sketches together. It's going to be a lot of fun. You're going to improvise stand-up? You're just going to get suggestions from the audience? Yes, I will do a monologue. I don't know how I'm going to do it yet.

That's amazing. Maybe I will get a suggestion from the audience. And so I could go to all seven shows. Not see the same show twice. You will not see the same show twice. I'm going to go. Not a single joke repeated. Except for running jokes that will happen for sure yeah we will do to make each other laugh oh that sounds so much fun that's what that's what jokes are for keep referencing and calling back.

Graham, what do you have to plug? Hmm. I guess. You going to Toronto? Oh, yeah, I'm going to Toronto. I'm going to be doing a... T-dot. Yeah, I'm going to be doing a show in the Fringe Festival.

So I'll be at the Terragon Solo Room. Oh. Delicious and spicy. Mm-hmm. From the 1st to the 13th. No, 3rd to the 13th. That reminds me, I will be at the Cuban hideout in August, all of August. All of August, you're at the Cuban hideout?

That's right. Wow. I didn't know that they booked by the month, but yeah, that's the only way to do it. You're Paul Tompkins. Dave, anything to plug? No. Any spices you want to mention? That's a joke. Tarragon, I believe, is an herb. Oh, yes. plug? No. Any spices you want to mention? That's a joke.

Terragon, I believe, is an herb. Oh, yes. Sorry. Mine apologizes. Here's what's up. Head over to MaximumFun.org for a recap of the stuff we talked about on the show. Pictures and videos of things mentioned, such as... Gru by Sergio Aragones. Yeah, and as... Uh... Ooh.

Gru by Sergio Aragones. Yeah, and the... Fedora Sliders. Uh, Deltalina. Deltalina, yeah. And pregnant pauses. Kegels. Do that.

Put some pictures of kegels up there. Some videos of kegels. Kegel appreciation videos appreciation videos cajun bagels uh thank you everybody for listening if you like the show uh tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.