Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 326

Episode Date: June 17, 2014

The guest never showed up, so we talked about MaxFunCon, Graham's bad neighbourhood, and we play about a million Drunk Dials.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 326 of Stop Podcasting Your Health. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's going to make chicken on a can, chicken in a can, chicken on a throne, Mr. Dave Shumka. Tell me what it's called again. Yeah, I've made it before. I made it last year.

You put, well it's called beer can chicken. Oh, okay. And you take the top off a beer can with a can opener. Doesn't it go everywhere? Well, no, you can release the tab. Ah, there we go. And then you take the top off and you put it up a chicken. In a chicken.

You insert it in a chicken. Yeah, and then you put it on the barbecue for like an hour i think wow and then uh you just it's just it's just it's just the greatest you sit back with some chicken beans and slaw and just oh yeah maybe i'll make some beans and slaw yeah yeah yeah you know what i'll go to the bean and slaw truck uh is that open all day or is it only got lunchtime hours well it didn't it's if you're lucky, it comes to your neighborhood. It's like the ice cream truck. And then you just get a scoop of beans and slaw.

Yeah. In a plastic bag. You bring your own bag. Yeah. And it has pictures on the side of the thing about what kind of beans and what kind of slaw. I'll have coal. What type of music does it play? The type of music that would be in a deli?

It plays songs about beans. Oh, magical fruit. Musical fruit. Oh, yeah, right. Also, maybe some Dirty South rap. Yeah. What's the other Mexican jumping bean song? Yeah, there's not a lot of songs about beans.

There's a lot of songs about coleslaw a lot of songs about coleslaw it plays songs but a music by beanie seagull i believe was a jay-z protege oh yeah what happened to beanie seagull now he's running a truck yeah that's true he's making a killing beanies beans yeah and slaw now there's not a lot of rappers who brag about their journey uh coming up from the streets to become millionaires and then- Losing all that money. Well, no, and then transforming it into a trendy modern business opportunity. Or just something reliable like a car wash.

Yeah, exactly. Now, this week we are guest free. That's right. It's sort of, we had a guest booked. The guest didn't exactly cancel No, but And the guest may show up The ghost

The ghost of the guest The guest died The guest just, yeah Somehow got the wires crossed Somehow And But won't Graham has been texting with the guest saying, okay, well it's going

to be too late. Yeah. So, uh, don't show up. Have, have not gotten an acknowledgement. Yeah. That, that, uh, that the person, I don't know. The person could have gone, uh, had a nap. They could, uh, be eating a thing, a giant thing of craft dinner right now.

Yeah. Who is anybody's guest? I mean, they could have had a nap, but I mean, I assume we woke them up to say, hey, where are you? Yeah. It's noon. No, it's 1230. You're half an hour late. You're half an hour late for your noon wake up.

So, yeah. But you know what? We can handle it guest free. We've done it before. I know we like to space these out 10 episodes apart, the guest-free ones. But you know what? As the license plate says, shit happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

And also, if you can read this, you're too close. And also, another happy customer at, you know, Hapguys Honda or something like that. We like to space these out every 10 episodes. But my child is an honor student. And et cetera. Yeah. Remember the troops. Remember the troops, little brother.

Shall we get to know us? Absolutely. Get to know us. What's going on with you, man? Well, here's what's going on. This is our first episode post-MaxFunCon. I actually don't know when the MaxFunCon live episode will be released. But hopefully soon.

It might have already been released. It's hard to figure out, time-wise. And, yeah, we had a great few days in Southern California what was your favorite part would you say my favorite part Max FunCon was fun yeah like did you we did the pub quiz together but that was the only like

activity and then everything else was just like loosey goosey yeah super loose super goose yeah the pub quiz was fun. Yeah. I got thrown out of the pub quiz. That's right. I got expelled from the pub quiz from John Hodgman for, I guess...

Trying to overthrow his regime. No, I guess I was insubordinate. Yeah, yeah. Or what's the other thing? Interloper? Usurper? No, I wasn't usurping. Oh, you know, when they do it on a on a ship

uh mutiny yeah maybe it was closer to mutiny yeah um he knew that he knew that if he you were the um you were the cell that needed to be yeah and so i was expelled from the uh i think because i uh questioned one of the answers. That's right. I was like, can I get clarification on this answer? And they made me run a lap. And then as soon as I got back in to where the pub quiz was happening, I guess while I was running my lap, he had made someone else run a lap earlier. Yeah, and then everybody came in and, like, when he came in, everybody cheered.

But then when you were running your lap, John Hodgson said, nobody cheer for Dave. Yeah, no one make eye contact with him. And so, yeah, I just. And you said, where's my applause? And he threw a chair. It was very funny. Yeah, that's true. I did that.

And yeah, so that was fun. And then after one round of being expelled from the team, I was invited back and I chose to hang out at the bar. And then what was the other thing that you did? Oh, when he asked everybody to give one guy a round of applause, you went like this. You just did one clap. Yeah, he's asked for some loud applause and I clapped once really loud. Really loud, yeah. Technically, what are you going to do?

I mean, I guess it's not in the spirit of what he was going for. Anyway, so that was super fun. The whole weekend was fun. It was like the maximum amount of fun. Absolutely. And you did some crazy driving. Oh, man. Okay, yeah.

This, I think, is what I wanted to talk about this week. I'm not like a car aficionado. I drive a Subaru Impreza. Which really cooks. Which I love. But it's the lowest model of Subaru. Do you say it's the servant class? No, what do you call it? It's the lowest model of Subaru. It's the... Do you say it's the servant class?

No. What do you call it? It's the entry model. Okay. So this is like... They don't make a cheaper car. Right. First, it's free, and then...

I used to drive a Toyota Tercel. Oh, nice. And I loved that when I had it, and then it just got to be not good enough. And I loved that when I had it. And then it just got to be not good enough. Like, there were times when I, you know, I tried to get it up Cypress Mountain and just couldn't. It just couldn't make it up a mountain. Yeah, it's a car for zipping, you know, if you're a courier.

It's a great car if you're zipping around town. And then I bought, so I bought the Subaru after I drove the Toyota into a ditch. Did you really? On Cypress Mountain. It couldn't make it up the mountain, so I tried to go down the mountain, and I was like, how about a ditch? The car has that voice command, we are going into a ditch. Preparations for ditch mode. And that just means all the air goes out of the tires.

You are in a ditch. And then I got the Subaru because I think in large part because I was editing a TV show about rally cars. Right. And they all drove Subarus and they all raved about them. And it was sponsored by Subaru. But it was just like, they're super durable, and they're all-wheel drive. And the only other all-wheel drive car I could get that was sort of like that price was, I think it was Chrysler made this thing and it this monstrosity this well it was

basically the same size as my subaru and it uh but the its main feature was it had like it was it was cheaper than the subaru but it's it the money went elsewhere like it had a refrigerated glove compartment. Oh, your maps are so cold. And it had, it was like a party car. Because when you lifted up the hatchback, oh yeah, we wanted something where we could put the dog in the back. Yeah. So when you lifted up the hatchback, it had these speakers that folded out so you could have a hatchback party with your refrigerated drinks. With your refrigerated gloves. Were there optional like black lights that went under?

No, no, no. It wasn't like a Fast Furious car. It was just a weird sort of marketing thing. Yeah. And it was like, and I guess my entire life I've. You've wanted a party car. No, I've just been, I just had the idea in my head that, oh, don't buy a car that's made in America. This is a terrible idea.

Oh, yeah, that's true. That became kind of like a running gag in the 90s. Yeah, I think that was when it sort of crossed over to like, you're better off not doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These cars are designed to fail in four years. Yeah, yeah's a Subaru? Is it a Japanese? Japanese. All right. And actually, I think my mother-in-law always – they travel a lot and she's like, oh, I've always driven Toyotas because everywhere you go in the third world, people are driving 15-year-old Toyotas that are still running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And every taxi cab is an old Toyota. I used to have a Toyota.

Yeah. It caught on fire. But that's neither here nor there. Sometimes they end up in a ditch. Sometimes they end up on fire. But basically what I mean is like I'm not super knowledgeable about cars. Sure. And.

You know they go vroom, vroom. But anytime I'm in a car, like anytime I rent a car, it's fine. It feels good and it's exciting and I'm always satisfied. I just don't have any taste. I'm like, oh, this is great. This other car is great. All cars are great. You'd be like the perfect guy to go do test drives.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah you're the exact customer they're looking for well when i was editing that show about rally cars i was also editing a show about car reviews and i talked to one of the because all the reviews was it also sponsored by subaru it was i think well it's the same production company so probably well um but i talked to one of the guys who reviewed cars, and I was like, you always have good things to say. Are there any bad cars? And he was like, no. He's like, there's cars that are better than others, but they don't make lemons anymore.

Well, and they should have cars, you know, figured out after that movie Cars came out. Yeah, exactly. Gave you a blueprint of how to make a decent car. But I rented a car for all of us, you, me, and Abby, while we were down there. And it was a Hyundai Elantra. Yep. And it was fine for most of the time. Yeah.

It had satellite radio. Oh, yeah. That was really fun. It was really fun. Yeah. Satellite radio is really fun, because if you ever wondered where the old MTV VJs ended up, that's where they are. They're on the 80s on 8 or the 90s on 9. Who was the one?

It was like there was one show that was hosted by three people, and one of them had this crazy old lady voice. It was like two. What was her name? Black Cat Julie or something like that? Downtown Julie Brown? No, not her. Well, she was on it as well. Yeah. Who had the old lady Brown? No, not her. Well, she was on it as well. Yeah.

Who had the old lady voice? Oh, Mama's Family. It was hosted by Mama from Mama's Family. So, yeah, what was wrong with the vehicle? The only thing wrong with it was when we were driving on the highway on the way back from max fun con did you not feel this did you not notice this i was mostly focused on the uh death defying uh driving conditions that we were under it's a very windy road and then we had to go oh right right right crazy uh la freeways where and there was at one point there was a motorcycle gang oh yeah there

was a motorcycle gang with the that were wearing the patches that said uh like trainee yeah what are they called prospect prospect wasn't wearing a name tag that said be patient i haven't memorized all the features of this hog. Yeah, I'm going to beat you up with a chain, but if I don't hit you right, like if it doesn't feel right. They haven't given me a chain, so I have to just use a wad of elastic bands. But yeah, that was crazy because there were these crazy highways, and then there's highways that cross over highways like four high kind of thing. It's wacky. Those roads, man.

And then, yeah, and there were also the other kind of motorcycles with the zippy crotch rocket-y guys. Yeah, there was a guy with a GoPro camera mounted on his helmet. And they were going like in between cars and freaking us out. It was so scary. But yeah, no, I felt like the Hyundai Elantra, in spite of its great XM radio system, is a poorly constructed car. is a is a poorly poorly constructed car yeah because sometimes i've driven my own car and i've been like something feels off like i i uh like is my is my tire flat do i have a flat tire or something like it's just something's wrong one of my hands heavier than the other but then it maybe then it just clears up sure but this was the whole ride which was like i don't know 50 miles on the highway it felt like oh are all four of my tires flat

you do keep saying this it feels wobbly oh it was yeah it was real wobbly also it's a rental car so you know how people treat those exactly yeah but it was like i'm too like uh i'm so scared of these highways. They were very scary. They're like, that's even clueless. There's nowhere to like, I guess you would just turn off into some city, but I don't want to end up in, you know. Yeah, like first we turn off, then we stop at a biker bar to use their payphone. Then we stop at the whatever, Blue Pearl.

What's the one from the police academy? Was it the Blue Oyster? Blue Oyster, of course. Blue Pearl. We go in. We think it's a scary biker bar. It turns out to be a leather bar. They don't even have a phone.

We end up doing a dance number. Yep. We get initiated into the gay gang. And then, you know, boy, oh, boy, right? Yeah. So there's plenty of places to turn off, but we also don't have – we're also sort of lost. Yeah. I printed off – I don't have roaming in the States. So I printed off all the maps we would need before we got there.

And now, yeah, so like I was like, I'm pretty sure if our tire was flat, someone would point it out to us from another car. Yeah, I mean, you can always count on the kindness of bikers. Now, there were other cars than bikers. That's true. It wasn't just bikers the whole time. Oh, what if it was? What if it was a highway with just motorcycles? Like you were driving and then it's like right in the middle of a ride to, you know, ride to cure or something like that.

Yeah, ride to cure. I was expecting something a little more sinister. Oh, like a gang war? Yeah, like, or just like, hey, we're all going to. We're all going to take over to Santa Monica. Yeah, we're bringing all our prospects over and we're going to do the old bang the prospects. Wives. Old ladies.

do the old bang the prospects wives old ladies um yeah the uh um what is the big one there's like a rally every year it's like in sturgis or something like that barstow yeah and it's like sunny barstow i'm getting things mixed up thousands and thousands of bikers and they just go and just like they're loud and dirty. Yeah. And they're doing, you know, wheelies. Donuts. Telling stories about how they were security at Altamont. Yeah. And then, you know, probably some other illegal things. Probably some legal things.

Sandwiches. Sure. This great bean and slaw truck. Yeah. You just see somebody. Beanie signals, bean and slaw. Sandwiches for everybody, and then just and slaw truck. Yeah, you just see somebody sandwiches for everybody and then just a biker knocking it out of his hand.

Yeah, we're not going to eat, I guess. Down with food. We're watching our weight. And yeah, like orange slices at halftime. Someone's old lady brought orange slices. Served out of one of those skullcap motorcycle helmets. Oh, yummers. Yeah.

Which you can't – you're not legally allowed to drive with one of those in all of BC, if not all of Canada. Those little like – the little tiny – I mean you're allowed to drive with them but you have to wear them on top of another helmet you have to wear them like a yarmulke um i saw a kid with the coolest bike helmet it was like uh it was kind of like a skateboard helmet but then like it had horns on it i thought that was really cool like i would have really been into a helmet if it had horns um when you were a kid when i first learned to ride a bike yeah helmets weren't quite mandatory like it was a few years before they were mandatory but it it wasn't even like they weren't even readily available like oh we don't make helmets in

children's sizes yeah we make them for daredevils and they were giant they It was like wearing a foam cooler on your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had one that was white, and it had these pink and teal stickers. Nice. And I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to take these off. But it looked even worse without them, because it just looked like a giant, like you're in Spaceballs and you're one of the technicians on the Death Star thing. Because like, yeah, helmets only got cool, I think, with the advent of snowboarding and such. Maybe. Because, yeah, I had the same thing. It was like a green thing and pretty much that was the end of my cycling career was when it was became mandatory

hey you gotta wear a helmet i was like i guess i just won't ride a bike anymore yeah i think i had a uh a bike stolen out of our carport because i i didn't know that you could steal a bike yeah you couldn't just oh man so then you just had a helmet when i was a kid i remember it was you just needed a bike to bike you didn't need a helmet you didn't need a lock oh i think i always had to have a lock because they had a chain lock with a combo that you literally any adult could just break with their hands um but yeah i remember because i wore it around like a like a bandolier sure it was it was rambo times yeah and then my friends and i would like unlock them and

whip each other with them because they had like one end that was like a key end and the other part was the combo end and that key end it hurt it hurt when you got whipped with it yeah i bet yeah my friends and i had some games had some some painful games no No pain, no game. We had a game like handball. But if you missed, you had to stand against the wall and let the other opponent whip the ball at your butt as hard as they could. Oh, yeah. That wasn't – yeah, you didn't invent that. But I feel like there's something intuitive about them. Like we've got a ball.

We've all got butts yeah there's there's i know it's done in soccer from time to time if you're like you'll you'll the loser in some kind of one-on-one game will have to uh you know put his hands on the wall yeah yeah yeah and be like just close his eyes and wait for someone to whip a soccer ball kick a soccer ball just but it's the waiting is the worst part. It's the hardest part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Tom Petty taught us on the 80s at 8.

And like, you know. Sorry. If there were people who had less honor, they would run around and try and tap you in the scrotum while your eyes were closed while you were up against the wall. But come on. I only played soccer with the upper crusties. Upper crusties, get off my scrotum, I would say. Yeah, because that was your school song. That's true.

We sang it at every event. Every match. Soccer, polo. Yeah, we sang it at every event Every match We sang it at soccer, polo Yeah, we sang it at the regattas Yeah, rowing You had crew, you had diving We had Terry Crews, we had Jake Crew Tom Crews, we had Motley Crew

Motley Crew, yep That's it, I think that's all the crews We had Motley Crue. Motley Crue. Yep. That's it. I think that's all the crews. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Oh, Princess Cruise Lines. Sure.

Yeah. So, yeah. We went to California. It was great. I went a day ahead of you. I saw some people. I was a guest on Jordan Jesse Go. Yep.

So that's out. I haven't had a chance to listen to it. Yep. Very exciting. Take your time. Okay. It's there forever. Yeah, that's true.

And I was a guest on Go Bayside, the Saved by the Bell podcast. I don't think that's out yet because she tapes those weeks in advance. Okay. Because why don't you tape them all in one day? Like, there's no reason not to. Yeah, yeah, that's true. They're never time sensitive. If, now, how does it work?

You pick an episode to dissect? No, she does them chronologically. Oh, but you, so you just have to have a working knowledge of Saved by the Bell. You just need to watch the episode. Oh, but she tells you ahead of time. No. No. You get there, watch the episode. Oh, but she tells you ahead of time. No. No. You get there, you watch it. Oh, fun.

And then you deconstruct it. That's pretty great. Can I ask what episode it was? It was the episode where Slater misses a soccer shot, and so he has to put his hands on a wall. Mr. Belding. No, it's the one where- Taps a screw. a wall mr. Belding no it's the one where it was the one where Slater gets accepted to Iowa

University I scout from Iowa University who visits him in the max and he's like hey I'm well of course Slater recognized him from wrestling magazine he's like hey do you want a full scholarship to Iowa University for wrestling and Slater's like, hey, do you want a full scholarship to Iowa University for wrestling? And Slater's like, yep. And they don't sign any papers or anything. It's just a handshake agreement. And then Slater's dad is like, hey, I want you to go to West Point Military School. Is this one where Zack dresses up like Rambo?

Zack dresses up like Slater. Oh, yeah. And Rambo's around. Slater was supposed to have an interview with a congressman to get into this thing. And so Zach does the interview with the congressman. And then Mr. Belding finds out. And so the congressman and Mr. Belding prank them. Yeah.

Mr. Belding, for his part, that was most of his time was spent teaching somebody a hard lesson. That put somebody being Zach. Yeah. What was your, who, in high school, what was the principal situation like? Because it wasn't like Saved by the Bell. No, it wasn't. We very rarely hung out with the principal. And the principal didn't, the principal had like a secretary, right?

And like there was administration around him. Like there was a vice principal and there were like – You couldn't just walk into his office off the hallway. His office wasn't, yeah, attached to Slater's locker. I – you know what? Now that you mentioned it, I don't remember who my high school principal was. I remember my junior high principal because he sounded like willie from alf oh okay what was his name willie really principal willie and uh and i remember my

elementary school uh principal what was his name uh mr bernard crystal bernard uh what crystal bernard who's crystal bernard on Wings. Was she the love interest? I guess. I don't remember. She was the blonde one. She ran the lunch counter maybe. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Kentucky? Kentucky Airport? Was it? No. Witaski? It was in, I think it was in, what was it? What's the island off of Cape Cod? Nantucket. Nantucket. Oh off of Cape Cod? Nantucket.

Oh, Nantucket. Nantucket. There you go. Not Kentucky. So like – yeah, what was your principal situation? How often do you hang out with your principal? We had a principal in elementary school who was beloved and he retired while we were there, while I was there. And then the new principal was so mean. It to yeah there's no way like the new principal probably

thought there's no way i'm gonna trump yeah this old beloved principal so i'm just gonna go the exact opposite regime and then in high school it was i think the guy's name was mr woodhouse i want to say that yeah And he was beloved as well. Oh, wow. Everyone loved this guy. I don't think I ever met him. Did he keep a guitar in his office? No, he was just sort of like a real cheerleader for, I think, school sports and stuff. Right.

Like, not a literal cheerleader. That would have been pretty cool. Because he had a rugby injury. He couldn't get atop the old pyramid. But he was still there in spirit. Oh, boy, he sure was. I guess. I don't know.

I never met the man. Big school. Yeah. I wonder who my high school principal is. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I don't know who the vice principal is. Nothing we have ever said on the show matters. Why give up on it?

Yeah, that's true. That's what I've been up to. California. You know what? It was a really great trip from start to finish. From soup to nuts. I enjoyed everything we did. I enjoyed hanging out with Abby,

just the two of us. I enjoyed when you arrived hanging out. I enjoyed being on these podcasts. I enjoyed when you arrived hanging out. Lots of fun. I enjoyed being on these podcasts. I enjoyed Max FunCon a lot. There was never any – but it wasn't like too much. There was downtime. Yeah.

There was definitely – there was like enough time to like sneak in the many naps that I enjoyed during the day. Sure. So what have you been up to? Well, I also was – also did the whole California adventure. Did you go to Disneyland's California adventure? You know what's weird is I watched a movie that was filmed entirely in Disneyland, but illegally. Oh, yeah. I heard about this. What's it called?

Escape from Tomorrow, I think. Tomorrowland? Oh, no. Just from Tomorrow. Oh, something like that. Yeah, and it's really weird. It's got to be the weirdest goddamn movie. Is it good?

It's really neat because you're like, oh, they must have just rehearsed and rehearsed and rehearsed. Right, right, right. Okay, you have to walk by at this moment. But you can also see just the way Disneyland is that nobody would notice because everybody's filming everything. And there's a couple parts that are green screen that are really obviously green screen. But this guy is going crazy.

Like, that's the whole thing. So he goes on the rides and he's going crazy. And that's the whole movie. And you're like, did this happen? Did this not happen? One of those type of weird movies. But I don't understand how it got released. Like, you feel like Disney would have really knuckled down on it.

Does the poster have, like, mouse ears on it or something? It has a bloody Mickey hand. Yeah, that seems like that would be the way that they would be like, Hey, we understand that you recorded it, and you can release it if you want. But maybe don't use our trademark character in your thing. Yeah, it's funny. I don't know how it got released. I don't know how that all happened or if Disney is, in fact, the one who released it.

You know, like how that urban legend that Coke makes Pepsi? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what I was thinking. It was like maybe they're just like, this guy's getting some buzz on the internet. We'll just release it. Nobody will see it, and I'll just bury it.

Yeah. But it was like, yeah, it was really weird. Really weird. So that's it. Yeah, that's true. Like there's nothing that can actually that's true like there's nothing that can kill your internet buzz other than releasing your movie it's like oh that is joaquin phoenix documentaries coming out no thank you yeah yeah yeah as soon as it got out there

everybody was like pass and so um did you have have you been to dis Disneyland? Would you want to go to Disneyland? I've been to Disneyland. As an adult? No, not as an adult. I wouldn't want to go as an adult. It's all standing in lines. Yeah. People go as adults and love it.

But they go as high adults, right? I guess. Because I can't see. Mostly it would be standing in line for like an hour each ride. And it's like probably an hour out of town to get there as well. And it's hot! Yeah. Like Abby had never been to Los Angeles before. And so

before we went I was like, oh no, I'm gonna have to we're gonna have to chat about whether she wants to go to Disneyland or whatever Six Flags or not. And then I was like, oh, she's pregnant! She can't go on any rides. Yes. Score. The P-card.

P-card? Jean-Luc P-card? So what have I been up to? Oh, today, while I was eating breakfast at this diner, I saw there was a guy who like, he was sitting right by the window and he looked out the window and he was like, what the, what the?

He started making all these notions and getting his girlfriend to take potions and sundry notions. And it was, somebody was stealing his bike. Oh yeah. Across the street. And so this guy took off. He's like, I'll be right. I'm like, I'm not running away. I'll be right back. And ran across. And! Yeah, across the street. And so this guy took off.

He's like, I'll be right. I'm not running away. I'll be right back. And ran across. And then you could see the person like, oh, good. This is the worst. And running, like pulling up the bolt cutters and running off. Oh, they didn't take the bike?

They didn't get it in time? No, it didn't even come close. So ran away with the bolt cutters. And this guy chased, like really chased the person down. And the person apparently was like, but I didn't do anything. Which technically is true. Yeah. Anyways, that's like, I was like, would I?

I guess if it was my bike, I would have done the same thing. Or would I have been like, I don't want to bother. Well, I would take my bike. I guess I would have chased them off. But I don't want to bother well i would take my bike i guess i would have chased them off and but i don't think i would have continued to chase them you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah like kind of like uh like with like crow that's on your garbage like yeah get off actually this morning i was going for a run yeah and uh uh i saw a crow and a uh a squirrel in a park. Planning.

No, the crow was chasing the squirrel around. Oh, no. It kept swooping down on the squirrel. And I was about to run. Like, I usually run on the sidewalk, but I was like, no, I'm running through the park. I'm breaking this up. I'm sticking up for the squirrel. Oh, no. Later, I'm going to find out the squirrel killed the crow's family.

Yeah, exactly. I let him get away. Yeah, it was a real Spider-Man situation. Yeah. Crow had one chance, and you blew it for him. And so, yeah, I guess I don't have a bike. No, I have one, but I don't ride it. I have a car, but if someone stole my car or was going to steal my car, I guess I'd chase them away.

But I – Shoo! Shoo! Yeah, hey, that's a car. Throw some cold water on them. Get out of here. Scram! But if they, like, did steal the car, I'd be like, I guess insurance covers that.

Yeah. Bye, car. Like, what if you came out of the restaurant just as the car was pulling away? Would you just be like, well, call the insurance company? Did you leave anything in the car? No. Okay, good. Okay.

Let's get a cab home. Yeah. Speaking of insurance, did you notice in California how many cars just didn't have license plates? Yeah, I did notice that. How does that work? Can you just have, not even a novelty license plate, just a shiny piece of paper where a license plate goes that says something cool? Yeah.

Oh, well, he does like to rock. Yeah, all right. Given my druthers, I'd rather get in an accident with this guy. Yeah. His license plate does say crunk. So I guess that's pretty cool. Yeah. There was a lot of novelty plates, like novelty, you know, I am.

Vanity plates, yeah. Herney. Sure. Yeah. You're like, I don't know. And then. Okay. so i interrupted you you saw a guy almost get his bike stole oh yeah and uh and so that was cool and then did he come back into the restaurant yeah and he was totally telling the tale you know oh my adrenaline i got a lot of adrenaline you know they were like i don't even

know if i can finish eating because so much adrenaline i would want like an extra meal yeah yeah yeah what do you have on your heroes menu well we they're pronounced gyros they're like a shawarma um yeah it was just like it was really impressive because not only did he like run out of the restaurant and like yell at the person like, Hey, you're stealing my bike. He also waited for the light to change. Like he didn't run out into traffic. That's prudent.

Yeah. So he's like a super law abiding citizen. Yeah. Because did he, did he shout, you're stealing my bike before? Like the moment he got outside? Yeah. Yeah. Hey you, you're stealing my bike.

And then I think the person kept – Okay. Like I still think I can – if you're obeying the traffic lights, I still think I can steal your bike. If you're still obeying the law and I'm still breaking the law and we do it at the same rate, maybe I can have a bicycle. I feel like the house that my house backs onto, is a um a den of crack okay um you live in a colorful neighborhood yes and this lady lives in that building because everybody in the restaurant was like oh that's mary everybody knows who is mary the bike the bike theft oh i was i was imagining a man no this was a lady oh yes all women yeah is that what that means i don't know oh yes all women steal bikes yeah i guess that's not what that means but uh way to go dave

way to strike a blow for feminism um but yeah so she lives there and like the other day here's the thing i've gotten so used to these uh these characters that i think i can predict their their every behavior okay and yesterday i i really blew it i really pulled a boner so you recognize this bike thief not her i don't know mary but i know there's like there's uh one dude that like he's got a shaved head and a crazy goatee and I like he always says hi to me and I'm like we're not friends. Stop it. Stop being neighborly. And then there's a guy who coughs a lot.

He goes outside and smokes and coughs a lot. And then there's a guy who always has headphones on and he like freestyle raps in the alley. Okay. Who's your favorite? Probably the guy that says hello even though I don't. He's the friendliest yeah gang i i think rappers yeah is probably my favorite and i've just heard about these people just now and then i guess mary lives in that building the bike thief the bicycle thief

yes what's that there's a book i think uh you're thinking of the kite runner ah yes so um uh he was painting that there was like a huge dumpster that got removed and so he was painting who's this nav the the hello guy okay and i thought when i saw the mural in its early stages i was like ah this is gonna be a crazy skull face because it looked like a like giant eyes and jaggedy teeth. I know I'm interrupting. No, no. Yeah, no, please. A dumpster got taken away, so he was like, I'll paint a mural.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure nobody paid him to do it because it was not good. The dumpster was taken away permanently. Yeah. Okay. No more dumpster for you guys. Yeah, you've lost your dump privileges. Now just throw it in the on the ground it did become like the neighborhood garbage like landfill like everybody was throwing their stuff

in that dumpster so if you're if you bring a dumpster into an ecosystem that can't handle it it does become it becomes like just an invasive species they're throwing couches in there like there was like a fridge in there. People were getting rid of some heavy-duty garbage. If you put anything that's like a cardboard recycling dumpster, people just were like, you know what? I bet it recycles plastic. I bet it recycles styrofoam. Yeah, exactly.

I bet it recycles industrial-grade mercury. Yeah. As opposed to consumer mercury. You know, thermometers and such. Stole out in thermometers. So he was painting what I thought was a skull with jaggedy teeth. And then on the bottom, he was painting what I thought were like iron crosses. And I was like, ah, this is gross.

Like pre-Nazi? I guess. Is that what iron crosses are? Yeah, yeah. They're like the fat and stout crosses. Yeah, but they're sort of, they're not cool. They're like, hey, we're not allowed to use a swastika, but you know what we mean. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. So then when I came back hours later, it was not a skull. It was the front of a car that has wings. So a flying car. Like a modern car or a classic car? Like a classic, like a 50s. The teeth were actually the fender. And what I thought were the eyes were actually the fender and the what i thought

were the eyes were the headlights okay and then he had painted this car with wings and then the what were the iron crosses i think were uh they were just blocks that then had like flowers coming out of them so i was like man did i misjudge this guy it wasn't just blocks like this flying car is on blocks because it's you know like a broken down it's a shitty neighborhood yeah yeah even the flying cars are on blocks so so you learned something i did i learned something you misjudged this young man yeah and he was doing uh he was doing a neighborhood beautification project then can you see this from your house yeah Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Every day. Lucky. Luck blessed.

When we were in LA, did I tell you, I don't think you saw it, but we walked past this car. It was a classic car. I believe it was an old Mercury. Industrial Mercury. And it was a,

the license plate on it said E-D-H-R-D-Y, Ed Hardy. uh industrial mercury sure and it was a uh the license plate on it said uh ed hrdy ed hardy uh it's gotta be tough to be wait first of all is ed hardy a person or is he like uh he's like mr peanut yeah yeah because i've never seen like an interview with Ed Hardy. No. Is that guy Christiane Odigier? He's the designer of Ed Hardy, I think. Okay. Or I think he maybe has his own line. It's very weird.

Who's the first guy to wear like a sparkly shirt and then convince – he must have been the toughest guy. Oh, yeah, because he convinced other people like, oh, this isn't – this doesn't make me look like an asshole i guess people want to look like an asshole yeah yeah but this doesn't make me look like a figure skater they yeah you look like a tough guy somehow because they got really pretty bedazzly and pretty jangling you know the noisiest shirt but you see them now they like at thr stores, and they're way more expensive than the other shirts. Really? Because somebody at the thrift store has a notion that the resale value of an Ed Hardy shirt is high. But I don't know how you wash them.

Yeah, well, because there's value in them crystals. It's true. If you took off all the crystals. Yeah, you weigh the shirt, and that's the carrot of the shirt. So, like, there's all these, yeah, there's just, like, a yard where people bring their Ed Hardy shirts. You're familiar with the three Cs of Ed Hardy shirts? There's the carrot, the carrot, and the clarity. Oh, yes, absolutely.

It's very important. So, if you can really see that tiger's face on the front. Yeah, so, you know i did that that i misjudged a guy who was painting a mural yeah i also bought uh here's a here's a fun tale um fun tales remember darkwing. No, but do you? I didn't watch any of those duck shows. None of them? I didn't watch DuckTales.

I didn't watch Darkwing Duck. I didn't watch Chippendale's Duck Rangers. Tailspin, DuckTalespin. Yeah, I didn't watch DuckTalespin, but I was familiar with them. Yeah. It was weird because all those other ones were like... Tailspin was like the TV show Wings if it took place in the Jungle Book. Yep.

It was the inspiration for Wings. And, I mean, in later years, vice versa. They inspired each other to write this. Yeah, they really... They were like Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. They sort of... They spurred each other on. Tailspin and wings uh all those other

duck shows were just like here's a classic disney character in an updated surrounding but darkwing duck was just like a thing they made up anyway you were getting somewhere uh was i yes um i went to go by... He was like a crime-fighting duck? He was a crime-fighting duck. He was like the shadow? Yeah. And he wore a big fedora.

And then there was another duck that was like a RoboCop duck that was on it. I hate it. I went to go by... You know those little silver batteries that you use for like sometimes microphones and watches and whatnot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to do a bit about them. Oh, yeah. What did you say that is like a little hat?

Oh, I came up with like 50 ways of describing them to a salesperson. That's right. I completely forgot about that. Like if you wanted your AA battery to look like it was wearing a tiny little beret. That was one of them. So that was – I found myself in that exact situation was trying to describe to – It's like a little tuna can. Yeah. Like to a sales associate what it was I was talking about.

I was like, you know, a little tiny one. Oh, if you wanted your G.I. Joe to hold a little tiny tuna can. That's what I want. Oh, that was a good bit.I. Joe to hold a little tiny tuna can, that's what I want. Oh, that was a good bit. It was a good bit. And here's the thing about them. There's a whole different, there's all these varieties of them. And I did not know.

You have to bring the thing or the old battery. Yeah. And I was like, I need a little silver battery. Please point me to the one that you obviously have in stock. Was it for a watch or a laser pointer or? It was for both, a combo. A combo watch laser pointer. It was for a microphone, for a lavalier microphone.

Oh, like a lav. Like a lav. And the lady said, I was like, she's like, do you know what number it is? And I was pretty sure it was 77. So I was like, 77. She's like, I don't think it is. I was like, listen, I'm pretty sure it's 77. Just point me in the direction.

It totally wasn't 77. And so then I had to go. Where did you go? The source by Circuit City? I went to a London Drugs. Oh, okay. and so then i had where did you go the source by circuit city i went to a london drugs okay uh so then i had to go back find the battery and go in boy tails between my legs you know what number was it uh 44 i was way wrong yeah you were 33 wrong and so uh and then when i walked

back in she gave me that just the shit-eatingest grin, just like, mm-hmm, 77, huh? Oh, really? Yeah. Did you get her number? Yeah. It was 77. Yeah, she said, call me. I was like, oh, I freaked out.

Her number was all sevens. She's a pizza place. She lives at a pizza place. Oh, wow, a dream girl. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God A dream girl. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. What are we going to have for dinner tonight? I'll give you one guess.

I commute from my job at the drugstore to my home at a pizza place. Yeah. What do you commute on? Some sort of awesome motorcycle? Are motorcycles awesome? No. Or no? They're so loud.

They are so loud. Oh, that's the one thing. Or... No? They're so loud. They are so loud. Oh, that's the one thing, like, summer bothers me for a million reasons. But I'm, you know what? I'm constantly discovering new reasons. Oh, yeah. And one of those reasons is, people, this is the time of year when people bring out their loud, super loud motorcycles. That's true. Their super loud classic cars.

Oh, man. There were some guys jamming out a couple doors down from me the other day just cranking the classic tunes sure out of there they were they wish they had that oh yeah the party chevrolet party charger no what wasn't it what kind it was like a i want to dodge was it a Dodge? I forget. I love the refrigerated because you were supposed to put water in there, I guess, or tuna, a can of tuna. You don't refrigerate a can of tuna unless you've opened it. That is true. Yeah, the cold glove box.

Great. Yeah, I guess it can only work while your engine is running. Oh, yeah. Otherwise, it drains your battery. Don't worry. I left it in only work while your engine is running. Oh, yeah. Otherwise, it drains your battery. Don't worry. I left it in the glove box. Overnight? Yeah.

Yeah, well, I left the car on. Yeah, don't worry about it. Your piece of wedding cake that you saved will hold for a year. I've been driving it around. Wait, did you guys do that? Did you save a piece of it? Yeah. And then did you eat it? Yeah Did you save a piece of it? Yeah. And then did you eat it?

Yeah. Did you smush it into each other's face first? A year later? Yeah, yeah. No. Or at the wedding, we also didn't do that. Yeah, that's right. You didn't do a... Is that a luck thing?

Smooshing it into each other's face? Yeah. I don't know what kind of thing that is, but it's obnoxious. It is. And we were both like, we don't want to be a part of this it's like oh it's your last prank as a as well no it's your first prank as a couple yeah that's true yeah this is the first official prank they're pulling on each other you get to push food into your faces uh these while you're wearing very nice clothes and she spent a lot of time on her makeup let's ruin that. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

It's, you know, but then everything gets fresh and funky. That's what – Yeah, it's a real – it opens the door to freshness and funkiness. That's when the other four brides that you've invited to vote on your wedding get to really dish. Sure. Is this fourdings or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are there more new wedding reality shows, or is it just still the same old same old? There's that Southern rapper has a wedding reality show, that white country rapper. Big idiot. On A&E. Yeah, big idiot. There's Duck Wedding Dynasty, Darkwing Duck Wedding Dynasty. There is Say Yes to the Crash.

And that is if your wedding takes place in a nativity scene. Now, how much do you think... How soon do you think that the guy from Duck Dynasty's book will be going for 99 cents in a bargain bin? The old guy? He Dynasty's book will be going for 99 cents in a bargain bin. Who?

What guy? The old guy. He wrote a book? Sort of. He's got his picture on the front. He's got a book? Yeah. I don't know.

Now. Now. What? He couldn't write a book. He couldn't read a book. Look, I'm just kidding. Yeah. We have the utmost respect for the Dynasty family. That's their name, right?

Duck Dynasties. It doesn't have anything to do with, like, they're just poor. They're just called the Dynasties. Yeah. And they have a pet duck. Yep. He's their mascot. Is that Grandpa barking?

Yeah. Maybe our guest's here. Do we want to move on to Overheard? Oh, absolutely. Have you made vacation plans yet? The second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is ready to set sail this summer, and we want to see you on board. Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music, and beautiful Caribbean views.

Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music, and beautiful Caribbean views. It all takes place July 25th through 28th, en route to Nassau, the Bahamas. And frankly, we've impressed even ourselves with this lineup of bullseye favorites. You've got Moshe Kasher. I was in an airport recently. You ever see somebody and you're just like, oh, so you're what's wrong with everything in the world. Kyle Kinane. Anybody else in here gets so drunk last month you had to call a cab, somebody and you're just like oh so you're what's wrong with everything in the world kyle canane anybody else in here gets so drunk last month you had to call a cab just take you to wendy's w come out bell so complicated my feelings

morgan murphy i don't know if you guys know what a facelift is it's when they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face and in that little space there that's when they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face and in that little space there that's where they find your self-esteem and besides them greg barrett chris fairbanks karen colgariff natasha leggero guy branham tony kameen and carol cole plus an awesome music lineup hosted by john roderick of the long winters and featuring our pal Gene Gray. Come on, what else are you going to be doing? Don't miss the funniest weekend of your life. Get your tickets right now. Go to boatparty.biz.

Yeah, that's right, boatparty.biz. The Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Comedy, music, shuffleboard. Overheard. Overheard's segment. shuffleboard overheard overheard segment which you the listener and us

the podcaster and you the guest who never showed up yeah we built on the break

we built a memorial for the guest who never showed up yeah we have an empty chair like at Passover yeah you can go Passover?

you can touch his name on the wall. Oh, yeah. Or her. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for the lady who never showed up. It's true. It's just a pig. The sculpture is a guest with a bag over their head.

Is that what the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is? It's a soldier with a bag on his head? Yeah, so you don't know who is it. And he's riding a horse with a bag on his head? Yeah, so you don't know. And he's riding a horse with a bag on its head? Yep. A feed bag. Pretty great sculpture. Do you know the Robocop statue that they're building?

They built it. It's done. I know, but they haven't unveiled it yet. Oh, really? I'm just so excited. I've seen photos of it, but they haven't done the official put it in the park. I think they're having trouble. Right.

And did you see he threw out the ceremonial first pitch? I did. So exciting. Do you think it was the actual guy from the movie? Because who is that guy? I don't know. Did they make a new movie? Yeah.

Has it come out? Yeah. Oh. Came out. I don't think it did very well people were like why did you remake this thing you should have just remade total recall a third time i wonder did when he pitched did he just like take off his arm and then put on like a cannon arm and just like a mega man yeah yeah i feel like that's within RoboCop's realm.

Detachable Bits. Detachable Penis? Is that a song? It's a song by King Missile. And as soon as he said Detachable Bits, we both paused and thought about it. King Missile, eh? 90s? Yes.

Very much. Wow. That really sounds like a 90s band totally king missile and their song detachable penis it's like it's uh it's like a someone writing a script you know a dumb sitcom script in the 90s about yeah you know you can't go see King Missile tonight. It's a school night. But I want to see. Who is it that was on the show My So-Called Life and they snuck out to see a band called Buffalo Tom? That's a real band. That's a real band. Yeah.

But all these years I thought it was a fake band made up for that show. Yeah. Oh, there was a. And made up for that show. Yeah. Oh, there was a... On Roseanne, I think Darlene really wanted to go see Daisy Chainsaw. That's not a bad name. Yeah, I don't know if that was real or not.

If you were in Daisy Chainsaw, write in and let us know. Yeah. But if you weren't, I don't want to hear it. And what was the... Not banned, but it was Theo on the Cosby Show wanted a shirt by... Gordon Gartrell. Gordon Gartrell. Yeah.

That was great, because I thought Gordon Gartrell was a real thing. He was a real designer. Yeah. Ah, so good. It's so good. So, overheards. What are these? Well, you know, you're in a restaurant, or you're in a bank lineup or you're on transit.

You hear things, you report them to the nearest authority. Us. Yeah. Hear something, say something. Yeah. Uh, but before we get to yours, here's ours. Yeah. Uh, this mine is from, uh, the coffee shop outside of my work.

Uh, there was a pregnant lady in line in front of me with her co-worker. And she was looking at all the pastries that they had. Cravings. I just thought it was funny the way she said this. She said she asked her co-worker a question, then didn't let him answer and answered for him. And she said, do you want to share a croissant with me? That would be so much fun. Let's do it.

That would be fun. Yeah. Yeah. Sharing is fun. Sharing's fun. Croissants are fun. Are they? They are if you have a jam.

Yeah. Yeah. Or, yeah, if you're sitting outside and somebody with an accordion is playing sad French music. Yeah. Or if you're swarmed by seagulls. Or if you whip it and it comes back to you because it's boomerang shaped. These are all fun things.

If it doesn't come back. Then it was never meant to be. I guess not. You could wear two croissants as giant earrings. Sure. I don't love croissants. Really? Yeah.

What about a cronut? I've never had one. But the coffee shop in my neighborhood makes great croissants. I'm not a big fan. They used to make a chocolate one. A penne au chocolat. Ooh. But they stopped making it, and I'm furious.

But I'm too shy to ask. Hey, why'd you stop making these? They'd be like, wow, because you never came by and had them. Well, I came by. I only go there on weekends. Yeah. Well, we'll start making them again on weekends is what they'd say. Do you think you...

You know what? I can't guarantee you I'll be here every day of every weekend. Oh, yeah. But maybe Saturdays you'll drop by? So I'll try to be here Saturdays and Sundays, but I can't... If you make one and it goes to waste, I can't be held responsible. But if you come in, you're going to buy one. You know what?

Maybe just send them to me. Can I just subscribe to the Pan of the Shark a lot? Yeah, absolutely. We have a coffee mailing service. Yeah. This week's episode is sponsored by Post Croissant. Sure. Why not?

are by post croissant. Sure. Why not? Every weekend, you'll be sent a box of two croissants of your choosing. You'll know which box it is because it will have greased through completely. Yes, it'll be a see-through box. That's the thing about a croissant. Sitting there, it doesn't look so greasy, but once you eat it, you're like, whoa. Yeah. Because isn't it, what is just all butter, right But once you eat it, you're like, whoa. Yeah.

Because isn't it – what is just all butter, right? It's butter. It's just like butter in bread form. And then you get it and some people put butter on it. Like they open it up and butter it. Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

Graham, do you have an over-erd? I do. Mine comes from – I was eating in a restaurant. Uh-huh. And this – Oh, you fancy? Oh, yeah. I fancy.

restaurant and this oh you fancy oh yeah i fancy and uh this guy was trying to describe to his friend uh how great it is to go to singapore because everything's so cheap oh right and his friend was not weighing in his friend was just like must must have been being treated to a meal otherwise he wouldn't have hung out with this guy. Yeah. What's great about hanging out with you is how cheap this meal is. So this guy kept going on about like, oh, it's just so cheap in Singapore and you can live like a king. And the only example that he kept going back to was he's like, you can buy a Heineken for 75 cents. And the guy was like, yeah.

And he's like, it's just, I can't wait to get there. The whole time you're there, you just live so cheap. Like a Heineken is 75 cents. And he just wouldn't – and then his last example was that you could buy a 2-4 of Heineken for like seven bucks. Right. So that's what this guy was going to go to Singapore and just get piss hammered on Heineken. Heineken only. It's true.

I mean, I've never been to Singapore, but there's a lot of the surrounding countries. Sure. It's a lot of like, you can buy a suit for $100. Yeah. But like a custom suit right for your body. But if this guy had a list of examples like, oh, food's really cheap or this is really cheap or you can go to a resort, it's cheap. He's just like, that was the one example. It's like, are you just going to go on a liquor run to Singapore?

You know your flight costs $3,000, right? Yeah. But once you get there, man, 75 cent Heinekens. But when you're on the plane, free Cokes. Four times. They come by four times. They'll give you the whole can. They'll give you the whole can. They'll give you the whole can.

Well, if you're lucky. Oh, I love it when they do that. How do they decide who gets the whole can? I think if you are attractive, you get the whole can. Oh, fuck. I mean, I have my good days. Sometimes I'll get the whole can. Yeah.

Once, I think, but I feel now I may have got it because it was just, you know, like a pity. Or I think maybe if you pick a really unpopular drink and they're like, no one else is going to. High C, please. Yeah, no one's going to ask for a slice. So here, you can have this whole. Why do we even carry slice? Nobody ever asked for it. Give me a, yeah, give me a tab.

Yeah, I'll have a Shasta, please. Okay, here, you can have the whole can. Can I have a Capri Sun? You can have the whole bag. Capri Sun on a plate. So good. Now, Graham, is that all we have for overheard? No, sir.

What? We have ones that were just sent in via email. And if you want to do the same, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. And this is the first one. Excuse me. This is the first one. It comes from Alex C. somewhere in the UK.

And I only know that because it's a.co.uk address. Okay, so we'll have to find him. You don't think he's hiding in the Incher address. Okay, so we'll have to find him. You don't think he's hiding in the Inchwood Forest? I think he's hiding in plain sight. Oh, like Jason Bourne. Yes. All I do is talk about Jason Bourne.

Here's the thing. I've never seen the Jason Bourne films. You know what? Should I? The first couple, maybe the first three are really good. There's some really good... How many are there? I think they did three with... You know what?

There's that one shot where he jumps through the window and into another window and the camera follows him. That's either in the second or the third. That's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's in the third. And then he did maybe a fourth one and then they did one with jeremy renner right but there's never just one the parts where it's not matt damon aren't great where it's like what about treadstone we need we need to cover up treadstone what is treadstone i i've seen them all i don't know what treadstone is i read the first book i don't know

what treadstone is treadstone is the operation or that's a person? No, it's just like a fancy tire company. It's like Firestone Tires, but with treads. Yeah, it's a tire company in Bedrock. Yeah, no, it's there. It is like a whatever, the special ops company. But then there's like legions of Jason Bournes. Is that how it works?

I think he's like an agent who was specially trained and that's why he's unkillable. Why do they make agents that are unkillable? That's what I've been saying for years. Because they should have a self-destruct button built into them or something. Well, like, why do they make real estate agents that are unkillable? That's true. Well, they make themselves. They're self-made.

Yeah, they're self-made. Unkillable real estate agents. Number one, unkillable real estate agent in your neighborhood. You can't kill that guy. He put an open house sign on top of his Mercedes. This first one, like I said, comes from Alex in the UK. Plain sight. My friend was talking to someone on the phone, giving them directions,

and I overheard this snippet of conversation. Why don't you want to go there? It won't make you sad. Oh, stabbed. Fair enough. Oh, I don't want to get sad. I don't want to go down there. I don't want to get sad i don't want to go down there i don't want to get sad the emo district sure is emo still a form of music that is being made or is that yeah yeah yeah i guess so people still like emotional well it's a dumb it's a dumb thing to call a genre of music.

Yes. Because all music is emotional. This is true. But... Like, sometimes I'm listening to Turn Down For What, and I'm like, wow, this is stirring up a lot of emotions in me. What is Turn Down For What? It's that song that goes, Turn Down For What? And then it goes, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, it goes It's Beaker

Beaker featuring Little John You know that song? Buds and Honeydew on the ones and twos? Yeah, no, I don't know what that means What, the ones and twos? No, turn down for what? Oh, it's when they do turn down service at night in a hotel. What for?

For what? I didn't even get in my bed yet. Turn down for what? We only do turn down service once you're in bed. We place a chocolate on your forehead. We come in and we tuck the blanket in all around you. Yeah, and we put two chocolates on your eyes. Good night, sweet prince. And then we kiss the blanket in all around you. Yeah, and we put two chocolates on your eyes. Good night, sweet prince.

And then we kiss you on the forehead. And then we float you down the river Styx. This next one comes from Chloe S. Parts unknown. I babysit for two little kids. And we were hanging out while the older one had her karate class. Two little boys were running around and pretending to shoot each other with arrows until one yelled, I'll shoot you with Cupid's arrow, and then you'll fall in love.

Which prompted the other boy to start squealing and try to hide behind the other kids. That's pretty good, right? You're playing an arrow game, and then you're like, I got one last arrow to play. I'm Katniss. I'm Cupid. Yeah, who are the top three arrow heroes? Oh, okay, Katniss. Katniss, the one from the Avengers.

Yeah, Avenjo. And, yeah, Avenjo and Robin Hood. There you go. I guess so. There's also, like, the green arrow. Oh, yeah. Is that a guy? Yeah.

Yeah. Is there an Arrow bar? Yeah, the Arrow bar. There's Arrow Plan Miles. There's Arrow Bee, the modern Frisbee. Arrow Root Cookies. Yeah, delicious. Digestives.

Oh, are those good for babies? Is that the thing? I think Arrow Roots are good because you can just suck on them. That's why they have a baby on the container. I want one right now. But yeah, I ate them well into my teens because I was like, oh, my, just pick me up some arrow roots. I was going to say get some baby sauce.

Well, I meant baby food. Yeah, baby sauce. The sauce of babies. Yeah. I don't think they're digestives in the traditional sense. I don't know what the difference is. A digestive is one of those fibery cookies that you dip in water and it just becomes Metamucil. This last one comes from David in Manhattan.

Ooh. Hey, guys. Both of these come from the same bar. I'm only going to read one. On the west side of Manhattan. As two guys walk in, one of them was finishing a story with the line, and I swear, I hit my crotch on every branch on the way down. Pretty good.

Oh, like a cartoon. Yeah. Like a great cartoon. Oh, yeah. It's like, I always thought that was a thousand ways to die in the west oh yeah it seems like a gag from that um yeah there's a is getting hit in the crotch funnier with a sound effect or is it just funnier if it's just on its own or is it better if it's like bonk yeah um it's funny with just the sound effect and you don't even see it just if you're if you could

listen to like just a mixtape of people getting hit in the crotch but not even the real sound the sound effect yeah i would listen to 90 minutes of that yeah absolutely that'd be a satellite radio station yeah sure yeah crotch is on cry 100 i don't know how many channels there are yeah cry 100 there might be cry 100 of them now graham yeah in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 206-339-8328. It's 1-800-777-7777. Ta-ta-ti-ti-ta. Ta-ta-ta-ta. Ta-ta. Here's your first phone call.

Good evening, gentlemen and guests. I'm going to guess Canadian sweetheart Charlie Demers. Nope. This is James from Wisconsin with an overheard. I was just in our local arena watching a hockey game, and I was followed into the bathroom by two 20-something-year-olds dressed in jeans and sweatshirts. And after we all did our business,

I went over to wash my hands like a gentleman, and one of the other two started to go towards the sink, which his friend tapped him on the shoulder and said, Hey, remember, washing your hands is for chumps. And they both nodded their head at each other and walked out without washing their hands. Gross. Yeah. I think the expression is washing hands for champs.

Yeah. That's why after a team wins a sports championship, they spray champagne everywhere, all over everyone's hands. Yeah. And then everybody busts out, I don't remember what the sanitizer's called. Purell? Yep. Nuts. Yeah, would it have been good?

There's a racing car championship that looks like a giant spring. Oh. And this guy won it. And then he was drinking champagne out of it. So I was like, oh, weird. It's not a giant spring. There's like actually area inside for champagne. Have you ever seen when they win the Indy 500, the winner drinks a bottle of milk?

Is that true? It's very true. Why is there? There's got to be a tradition to that. Oh, yeah. But you don't know what it is? Of course I don't know what it is. But they do it, and they probably don't finish the whole thing, but it's like, hey, I guess I just sat in a car.

I drove 500 miles, 200 laps around the Brickyard Speedway here in Indianapolis, Indiana. I wonder. And what do I want now? Milk. There's got to be a local interest story about the cow that the milk came from. Oh, of course there is. Yeah, we're talking to the farmer who's going to provide the winner's milk. Oh, yeah, the farmer is probably a great interview.

Yeah. Well, we're going to do it at random because it's only fair. We take it from the one cow that knows how to drive a car. Do you think cows ever won the Indy 500? Not won, but placed. Yeah, that's true. A lot of people, when the first year they entered, and they were sponsored by Arby's, a lot of people said, no, no, this is a human-only sport.

But then they looked in the rule book they said no it's a car only sport it doesn't say it doesn't matter who the driver is yeah and since then a ghost has won the indianapolis 500 a pumpkin a wish yeah yeah just a bag of uh potatoes that they put on a gas pedal these have all been uh different indie winners over here and they put just pour milk on it afterwards. It's great. It's magic. Yeah, and then a girl comes over and kisses the bag of potatoes.

Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and beautiful guest. This is Joel from Minneapolis. And I just saw, this is an overseeing, by the way. I just saw an employee at a Burger King receiving a pizza delivery. It was pretty much the most incredible thing. Don't tell anybody. You know you can get free food here at Burger King. I don't want it.

The boss comes in and you just put the pizza slice between two buns. I was just finishing up. Yeah, I'm just working on a new recipe. What? Does Burger King put out new? I guess all the burger places put out a new twist on burgers. Yeah, every month, I think. Yeah, this one's got bacon and blue cheese.

Yeah, this one is an Angus. Look, there's Angus in it. I'm not sure what that means. That's this 90s movie about a chubby kid. And a seal? Likes a girl. No, that's Andre. You can't mix up Angus and Andre.

Get an Andre burger. Oh, boy. Made from Andre. Angus and Andre would be a podcast I'd listen to. Yeah, absolutely. So it's a fat kid and a seal. I said chubby. And the kid's like, okay, we're starting now.

And the seal's like, brr, brr, brr, brr. That's a good seal noise. Yeah. What does a seal sound like? It claps a lot. Yeah. What is it? Arp, arp, arp.

Yeah, I guess. Oh, yeah. They bark like a dog, right? But don't they sometimes do kind of a belchy thing? Brr. Turn down for what? Here is your final overheard of 2014. Hey, Dave and Graham, this is Luke from North Carolina calling in with an overheard.

I just saw a license plate in the parking lot of where I work that just said IRS ghost. Don't know what that means, but I enjoyed it a lot. Oh, great. I thought that my taxes were fine now that my accountant was dead. Now that that IRS guy was dead. IRS ghost. Yeah. Spooky and fun.

But what if it's not IRS? What if it's like I rise or I raise ghosts? Or Iris ghost. Iris ghost. The ghost of an eyeball. What is the iris? It's the black part? I don't know.

It's the, it lets in light. I know that iris backwards is Siri. Okay. No, wait. I'm thinking pupils. Wait. Did your teacher ever do that when he asked, hey, everyone, how many pupils are there in this room? He had to do it by two.

Well, plus yourself. Oh, yeah. Minus the teacher. Well, although he is a pupil of God. Oh, that's true. But then so is everyone else. So you're double pupils. Oh, boy. And then the ghost pupils. Yeah, and then we had a cyclops in our class. Oh, yeah.

What did he end up doing? He got killed in this clash of titans. But he got killed by Harry Hamlin. Oh, yeah. And his wife, Lisa Rinna. It was a hit and run. Hey, Graham. Yeah.

Do you want to do something special? I do. Okay. Last time we did drunk dials on the show. Every time it seems we do drunk dials, we end up getting a flood of drunk dials afterwards. So if you... Well, let's play the theme song. We're going to do drunk dials.

When I was a child, didn't know what a phone was never tasted liquor either but one day when i grew up two and two together telling my girlfriend to start her period telling my friend he looks like a wolf man calling future shop and asking for best buy Now, if you are someone who, well, I guess has ever had a drink. You're out there hitting the sauce. And you maybe you feel emotional afterwards. You're listening to emo music. Yeah.

Turn down for what? Good question. Afterwards, you were listening to emo music. Yeah. Turn down for what? Good question. You're listening to your favorite emo song by Get Up Kids featuring Emo Phillips. Yeah.

And you are considering calling an ex. Sure. Don't do it. Or your boss or something terrible. You're going to do something regrettable involving alcohol and your phone. Don't do that. Program this number into your phone right now.

206-339-8328 and call us when you're drunk. And if you're drunk and you need to order pizza, 777-7777. Yeah. Especially if you work

at a burger gang. So we've got a ton, a ton, a literal ton of drunk tiles. I doubt we'll get through them all, but we'll save the ones we don't get through for later. You went and saved the best for last. I'm the Vanessa Williams of podcasting. Here we go, drunk tiles. Hey, Dave and Graham and grad javelin guests. This is Professor Snorkelmips calling you with the drunk dial.

I was with my friends on the pontoon boat. Billy the Badass jumped his baked potato into the lake. What are you doing? No more baked numbing nams. What are you doing? What are you doing? Professor Drunklepuss, did you write this down? Give me the beer. All the beer. Chicken pot pie.

Couldn't agree more. Here's the thing about drunk towels, and this actually isn, an example of it, but they're always too long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was nicely timed. Yeah. And quite often the person, cause on our outgoing message, we, it says, leave a message for Dave and Graham. And then a voice says, leave your message or send a fax.

Oh, right. Yeah. And the, uh, sober people do not react to that. Drunk people are always like, send a fax. It would be great if a drunk person called us and then did the impression of a fax machine. No, don't say that. Oh, yeah, no, no. It wouldn't be great.

It would be great in theory only. Okay, here's your next phone call of 2014. Wait, that's not right. I'm getting old. Oh, you're my favorite. Just gonna get to know you. So well, that was brief. They sang some theme songs. Whatever.

Yeah, whatever. They're doing great. Yeah, let's zip through these guys. Next phone call. So I was thinking about how Dave likes it when people people call and they can't get through their message. And that made me laugh. And so forget it. Bye.

That seems phony baloney. Well, it started, I don't know. It's hard to tell. I definitely think they were drunk. You definitely do think they were drunk? Yeah. I can't tell. Okay.

I don't have good drunk dar. I'm better when I see it in person. When I see somebody throwing up on their cell phone. I can't tell. Okay. I don't have good drunk-dar. Is it on bed or when I see it in person? When I see somebody throwing up on themselves? Sure. That guy. Someone with X's on their eyes. Yeah. Oh, wait, that's dead people. Yeah, somebody with X's on the thing they're drinking.

On the bottle they're drinking. All right, here's your next drink. I mean, drunk. Hi, Dave and Graham. drunk hi dave and graham so uh this is a drunk dial and i asked the girl that i like out on a date and she said no and you know what's okay it was okay i told you it wasn't the disaster that i thought it would be although i'm making a drunk dial to a podcast so it was kind of a disaster based on how i'm behaving at the moment. But other than that, it's still

kind of okay. Like, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Anyways, you guys are great. You're the best podcast. Thank you. You know, it's always worth it to try these things. And then if you don't, you know, if you don't stick the landing, no big D.

Yeah. No big D. You tried. No big D. No big deal. Yeah. I know, but. Oh, what? It's big D short for, oh, yeah, I guess.

Well, Dallas. Oh, you meant it as a body function. Yeah. I meant it as a body part. Oh, yeah. See, we were completely on different pages. Yeah. Well, that's what makes us such a great podcast. That's part. Oh, yeah. See, we were completely on different pages. Well, that's what makes us such a great podcast.

That's true. But, yeah, no big dick. If you don't make it. You don't have a big dick. Yeah. There's your answer, if you've ever wondered. Okay. Here's another one.

This is a drug dial. And I wanted to say happy Valentine's Day. It's been a while since we've done this. And I don't want the fact that I'm calling you right now to be an indication of how my life is going right now. I just decided that instead of drunk dialing one of my bearded ex-boyfriends, that I should drunk dial my favorite bearded podcaster. ex-boyfriend that I should drunk dial my favorite bearded podcaster. So, Graham, I just wanted to say

to you that you're great and that I want to come to Vancouver and hang out with you and eat non-meat foods and I mean that in the least creepy way possible. And Dave, you have an amazing singing voice and the cutest dog that has ever lived. That's great. That's true.

Good night to both of you. I love you both. Oh, what a sweet drunk. Yeah. Yeah. One of the sweeter drunks you're going to meet. Look, great work. Happy Valentine's Day.

Yeah. I guess we haven't done this segment since February. She probably got wasted on cinnamon schnapps. Yeah, or chocolate vodka. Is chocolate vodka? done this segment since february she probably got wasted on cinnamon schnapps yeah or uh chocolate vodka it's chocolate chocolate vodka or rose water vodka yeah delish whatever the most romantic way to get drunk is um by yourself in an apartment sure through an iv yeah next phone call? Sure. Hey, I'm home! We're drinking right now. Who's on your phone? Who's on your phone?

I'm on the phone. We're at a casino. And, oh, my gosh. I want a vanilla ice cream. What? And my friend Jesse was there. And we almost fell down. And apparently, I'm sitting in the back of this transverse LS.

Transverse LS? What am I going to do? Do you want to hear my shaggy impression? Like, like, skoob. I love your podcast. Please continue. That was a great shaggy impression. Wasn't the shaggy I was expecting.

Yeah, it wasn't me. Yeah. Mr. Lava Lava. Yeah. Mr. Lava Lava. Isn't that what he sounds like we keep doing it mr lava lava except it's up to something it wasn't me but you caught me on the counter it wasn't she caught me underneath the butter she caught me underneath the chowder boston virgin yeah manhattan good shaggy yeah great shaggy yep um the whiny whiny girls is that shaggy

man you know what really drive me crazy. If you think Graham's Shaggy is better, press 1. Here's your next phone call. Call in to vote. My friend Cannon is going to buy the coolest Infinity car. And we're buying so much for you right now. Guys, I love your bag. My friend Canon is buying the coolest Infinity car.

Well, it is the year 2014. Yeah, all of those things, all those pieces fit. So I think if you were writing sci-fi in the 50s, you could envision this future. My buddy Canon is buying an Infinity card. What about Cannon?

That's a girl's name? For my upcoming child? Yeah. I don't know. What about Flamethrower? Oh, yeah. It's definitely going to be a flamethrower. Oh, Catapult.

Yeah. Or Trebuchet. We're going to name the child after any kind of, what do you call it, siege weapons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boiling oil. Sure. Here's your next phone call. It's a? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boiling oil. Sure. Here's your next phone call. It's a drunk one.

Oh, neat. It's electric. Stop podcasting yourself! Thumbs down. Too angry. I guess this doesn't need any explanation. It's a drunk dial. Yeah.

I was going to call a girl, but then I thought it would be a good idea to call you guys. I thought I just wanted to say, Graham, Dave and Graham, I love you both. You're great, but Graham, I feel like I'm lonely for you. You're such

a good guy. You're hilarious. You can have anyone you want. Change your goddamn beard. I love you. Yeah, touche. But you could do anything you want. I just say trim it.

You're just hamstringing yourself. Okay. This has been Russell in Peterborough, Ontario. Give us your postal code. It's a drunk dial. If I didn't mention that already. Yeah. Anyway, I love you guys.

You are the best podcast out there. Thanks. But, Graham, seriously. I don't want to hang up. Okay. No, you hang up. Yeah. I love it.

Yeah. I don't think people need to be lonely for you. Is that what he said? Yeah. I don't know what that means. I feel lonely for you. Yeah. You know,? Yeah. I don't know what that means. I feel lonely for you. Yeah. You know, be a slave to me.

I love Britney Spears. Britney? Britney Spears. Britney Spears. How are you doing? Are you all right? Well, I'm fine. Okay.

Yeah. Drinking beers in the afternoon. It's a glorious Saturday. Yeah. You know, everything's working out just fine. Naming babies. Naming babies Naming babies Cauldron

Did we say cauldron Sure Yeah Anything Precarious ladder Okay here's your next phone call Hey Dave This is Dave

Hey Graham You got a pretty awesome name But I'm really called For Graham right now What the Because he's more awesome Than Dave No that's not true

Just want to say I'm Dave and I'm drunk And this is Sam's phone Bye Toned Is that what you said This is Sam's phone Oh okay No, that's not true. Toned? Is that what he said? It's Sam's phone. Oh, okay. I want to give a shout out to whose phone I'm using.

I thought he said, oh, I just want to say I'm toned. Like I've really been working on it. Yeah, I'm shredded. Yeah. Hey, thanks for the name compliment, Dave. Yeah. I've always, I've needed that. I've felt self-conscious about my name.

But I'm glad you like Graham better as a person. I've felt self-conscious about my name. But I'm glad you like Graham better as a person. I'm not self-conscious about that at all. What a wang. Oh, boy. That guy is. Sam, throw away your phone. You got wang all over it.

Did I tell you what's in that movie, Pain and Gain? Pain and Wang. Yeah, Pain and Wang. Now, are the characters named Pain and Gain in the movie? Yeah, yeah. Chester Pain. And Lewis P. Gain. And that's Marky Mark and the Rock? Yeah, yeah.

And they do charitable works that involve their muscles. Their wangs? Yeah. What do you mean? They lift cars off of orphans. For charity? Yeah. What kind of charity puts a car in an orphan

the kinsman club oh sure yeah kinsman club is that a thing yeah kiwanis oh kiwanis is that what you mean that is what i mean i don't know what that is either um another one sure when i was young i didn't know what a phone was this is the theme song i didn't know what a phone was. This is the theme song. I didn't know what alcohol was, too. Then I grew up drunk. Drunk house. Telling your friend he looks like a wolf, man. I'm telling your girlfriend it's not her period. Drunk house.

Calling up the best buy and asking for something. I don't know. Fuck. Calling up Futures World asking for a best buy. Drunk house. So, uh, this is the podcast pedant. I'm calling to tell Dave

that on episode 105 with, uh, right after you guys joined here, Wolf, with, uh, Jordan Morris, my boy, Christopher Payne. Oh, he's on episode 105. He's talking about jackalopes. He said that they're jackrabbits with antlers.

Yeah, that's what they are. From the antelope. But antelope, also known as pronghorns, have horns. So you're wrong. Boom! I dented. Oh, wow. Scorch

now that guy seems cool and he'll reach this episode in a few years yeah yeah he's only on episode 105 right after we joined Nerdist yeah the Nerdist Earwolf Network and he I just want you to know

sometimes people are like hey Dave and Graham I hate to be that guy. But I got to correct you on something you said on the podcast. That's what you sound like. Horns. You are that guy. That's what, when you say I hate to be that guy, that is that guy. The jackalope.

Yeah. Yeah. You'll never catch me. Here's the next that guy. The Jackalope. Yeah. Yeah. That's me. You'll never catch me. Here's the next phone call. Oh, so many of these. Yeah. Listener, feel free to cut it short.

Yeah, yeah. Whenever you're tired of it. We're going to just play them, but you get full course credit if you've made it this far. Yeah. Dave and Graham. Yeah. Da-da-da-da-da-Dave and Graham. This is a drunk dial featuring Chris and Johan from Montreal. Ready for a rap? Here it comes.

Dave, your name is Dave. I hope you know how to behave. Graham, your name is Graham. I got nothing that rhymes with Graham. They dropped their phone in a pond. That's as good as it gets. Yep. And yet, let's go on.

Next phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. I'm a little drunk. This is Brian in Atlanta. Have you seen the Scooby-Doo professional wrestling movie trailer? Because I sound like Shaggy. Here we go. Because

it has a lot of potential. It looks like the bad guy is a ghost bear, but what I really think they should do is have it be a ghost of Andre the Giant, and then whenever

they de-mask him, it turned out to be Hulk Hogan. Too late. What do you think? Later. Please send your suggestions for already aired Scooby-Doos to us. Care of your telephone. Yeah.

One more? You know what? We only have five more. Do you think we can get through them? Sure. All right. Only five more. Four more.

All right. I definitely called you instead of my ex-girlfriend. Attaboy. Who lives in the same building as me. Uh-oh. And I definitely want to call, but I'm not. No, Rose, please. I called you instead.

So there you go. So this is not as satisfying as I wanted. Yeah. But think of how satisfying it would have been to call your ex-girlfriend. Yeah, that would have worked out real well. Oh, well. Hey, I'm in my apartment. I live near you still. I'm going to step real hard. You tell me if you can hear it.

Yeah. Can you hear that? Oh, can you hear me breathing heavy through the walls? That's me. I'm going to run a bath. So think about that when you hear the pipes clanging. All right. Here's your next phone call.

We're doing it. We're doing it. Three more, you guys. This one's, I believe, the longest one. Okay. But actually, no one's mentioned the fax machine yet. Hey, Dave and Graham and that guy from Woodhands. I don't remember his name.

Dan Worm. Not here. I downloaded it for like once, and it was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, man, I'm calling you guys. So, like, say, what's up? I'm like a fucking terrible person like i oh my god i met this girl like i told her that i was a kid i told her that i was in a committed relationship

so she would leave me alone and it feels it feels so bad that's fine like a terrible person that's a good way to let someone down easy. Also, I wanted to ask you guys if you thought I should get a nature box, because every time I hear a promo for it, it sounds so good. They sponsor other podcasts. And I asked my sister, and she said I should do it. And then she said that she was thinking about a

puppy box that like sends you like dog treats. I mean it's like I get the nature of us but it's like halfway through this call.

The puppy box is like too fucking first world for me. Yeah. Halfway through this call. Jeez Louise. The coffee box is like too fucking first world for me. Yeah. But yeah, I am seriously thinking about NatureBox.

So if you guys like... Do you think he's serious though? Can I cut this one short? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How serious do you think he is about this NatureBox? Now, NatureBox is a company that doesn't sponsor our show. No. What was the thing we came up with? Now, NatureBox is a company that doesn't sponsor our show. No. What was the thing we came up with?

Oh, Croissant Box or whatever it was called. Oh, Croissant by Mail or whatever? Yeah. Yeah. It's basically that. But they send you like – I've heard it on other podcasts. Yeah. They'll send you –

Like a granola? Yeah, healthy treats. Nice. Like healthy things. Return to sender. Like healthy things. Return to sender. And there are – that's a big thing now of like just sending stuff through the mail. Like you subscribe to a service that is like – they'll either send you like – you send them your sizes and they'll send you a bunch of clothes every month.

And what you don't want, you send back. I've never heard of that. And then the puppy box, I believe, is called Bark Box. That does seem pretty first world because your dog doesn't care. Your dog hates the mailman. Your dog once ate a diaper. Remember that. Yeah.

And took a picture of it and put it on its Instagram. Like, look what I'm going to eat. Oh, that would be very funny Instagram. A dog's... A dog account of things it's about to eat. A candle. Yeah. but all nicely framed and like yeah the right filter um i don't have the i don't have the patience to create that

account but maybe one of our listeners does yeah you got the time you got the time yeah come on you got time to lean you got time to clean you got time to create. It's not a two more. Dave Graham. Yeah. It's Mav. It's Mav doing the drug dial. Mav? Mav. I'm in China.

Whoa. Oh, no. Somebody's calling me. Mr. Popular. Your message is asking me to send a fax, but I don't live in 1987. Oh, burn. You know, can't do it. Can't do it, buddy.

We don't want it. This is an awful place for an Asian Canadian who doesn't speak Chinese. The worst. But, you know what, listening to your show, it's like drinking, it's like drinking just like a cup of warm milk with maple syrup. Gross. So nice.

It's really nice, especially after a long day of not being understood and being talked about constantly and only understanding enough Chinese to know that you're being talked about. Anyway. Drunk. Do you know any words in Cantonese or Mandarin? Oh, boy. Only the stuff from Wayne's World.

Oh. Why don't you just go talk to her? What do I know? Oh, you know what? I don't. No, me neither. I don't think I do. I haven't even learned one phrase.

Abby's parents lived in China for five years. So I could probably... I think if someone said, like, hello, I would probably... Oh, yeah, that's hello. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know,, that's hello. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, get off my lawn. Diddy Mao. Is that Vietnamese?

I think it's probably Vietnamese. Yeah. Anyway, final overheard. Yeah, here we go. We finally got to one where they mentioned the fax machine. Pretty good. Thank you. Here we go.

Final overheard. Not overheard. Drunk Dial. Drunk Dial of 2014. Here it go. Final overheard. Not overheard. Drunk Dial. Drunk Dial of 2014. Here it is. I stay where I am. That's a high note. This is Dennis from Cobain in Denmark.

Oh, cool. I'm drunk. I'm just going to say that I think you're awesome. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. I've heard so much from you guys. You're super fucking cool.

I'm trying to get my girlfriend to listen to you guys. She's right up. That's fine. How am I going to handle that? Leave her alone. How do I make my girlfriend really realize how

fucking cool you guys are? Just don't. Help me. Please. She just won't get it. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Now that's a great note to leave us on. Your girlfriend, if she doesn't want to listen,

don't make her listen. If she does want to listen, don't prevent her listen. No, you know, and if she doesn't want to listen, though, don't prevent her from. Yeah. Yeah. Let anyone listen to the show. Don't force anyone to listen. Yeah. But, you know, keep on keeping on.

Keep it up. Keep it down. Yeah. I think... How many did we do? Jeez, that must have been like 12 at least. 17. It was 17 drunk dolls holy balagna that's the most we've ever done you're welcome yeah you're welcome listener uh thanks for not showing

up guest we never would have gotten to those no yeah it's true uh good luck guess i actually i looked at the empty chair yeah our statue um um anything uh kind of – do we need to announce anything? I guess not really. No, you'll be in Toronto. Yep. For the Toronto Fringe starting July 3rd to the 13th. And, yeah, tickets are available for that online. You'll be at the Tarragon Theater.

Yeah, delicious. Just Google Toronto Fringe. Just Google Graham Tarragon and then find a google Toronto Fringe just google Graham Tarragon and then find a great recipe for Graham crackers and Tarragon I just want to thank everyone we met

at Max Fun Con yes you were also very nice some people actually got us gifts for our upcoming baby for baby catapult

yeah what did we we got a gift card to Target from some people. Nice. We got a little sucky thing for them. We got a onesie that said... New. New.

Yeah. And, yeah, I think we're going to... We're probably going to use the gift card to... We need to get a stick figure family for the back of his car. We absolutely do. Oh, do you think they make one that looks anything like Grandpa? Because that would be the great. Oh, yeah, sure.

I mean, we'll probably just buy a bunch of stick figure families now and then wait to find out what the baby's into. That's true. But, like... Well, yeah, how does the baby identify, right? Yeah, is the baby a Star Wars? Yeah, exactly. The Yoda would be a good Grandpa. Yeah. the yoda would be a good grandpa yeah oh yoda would be a

good grandpa if you cut the ears and you put them up like straight coming off yeah yeah yeah oh so good is the baby gonna be into zombie stuff yeah why not or the baby might be a nerd family guy baby it's very cool to be a nerd now so the baby might identify that way it may not be by the time the baby grows up it's true though oh. Nerds could go back to their proper place. Nerddom. I sure, I sure hope the baby's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you know, the only way to tell is during the ultrasound, if they're wearing shades, if you can see the shades. Um, so thanks so much for listening.

If you want to head over to maximum fun.org, we will post pictures and videos of things we've talked about on the show. Oh, maybe that car that has the speakers in the back. Oh, yeah, yeah. Party car. Party car. The Chrysler party car. And, you know, maybe, I was going to say the tube of the unknown guest, but that's not a real thing.

You can't put a picture of that. And I'm not Photoshopping it. Fair. But, you know, everybody take care of each other. And yourselves. Yeah. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Sometimes the snow falls down in June Sometimes the sun goes round the moon

Never does. Maximumfun.org Comedy and moon. Never does. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.