Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 33 - Morgan Brayton

Episode Date: October 12, 2008

Actor and comedian Morgan Brayton stops by to talk donkey basketball, bad movies, and what it would probably be like to live on a ranch.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode 33. The first, no actually this third episode that's divisible by 11 here on Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. You're one of two hosts of the show.

Joining me is the answer to the Sunday crossword in the Globe and Mail, Dave Shumka. Yeah, it was a really short crossword this Sunday. It was just one clue. Yeah, co-host. Hatless host of Stop Podcasting Yourself. And how's it going, Dave? Terrific. Hesitant.

And joining us here in the underground studio buried 18 miles beneath the earth's crispy crust. Sounds delicious. Comedian, producer, writer, actress. Okay. Vagabond. Rockateur. Rockateur.

Crusader, some kind of crusader. Wife. Wife. Morgan Brayton good good after evening institution all right you can stop now

local sweetheart oh that's kind of you it's true actually was most recently called I believe

quoted in the in an actual newspaper Canada's Lily Tallman it's Vancouver's but thank you sure did it say here every city has a Lily Tallman in this yeah newspaper. Canada's Lily Tomlin. It was Vancouver's, but thank you. Sure. Every city has a Lily Tomlin in this country. It was a search.

Who is Winnipeg's Lily Tomlin? How do you solve a problem like Lily Tomlin? I won for Vancouver. It was the worst reality show ever. The worst one was the Legally Blonde one, which was... Okay, no.

Take that back, or I will slap you silly. I'm crazy for that show. No, you're not. I am. I love that show. Why? I don't know. Because I love musicals.

Do you love it in the same way that I loved Rock of Love? Oh, that's not the same. It's not the same. It's the same. Okay, I stand corrected. I stand corrected. I like Rock of Love. Oh, that's not the same. It's not the same. Okay, I stand corrected. I stand corrected. I like Rock of Love more. There you go. See?

Now we're back on the same page again. Oh, thank God. I was frightening for a moment there. Shall we get to know it? Oh, did we introduce her name? Yeah. Okay. Oh, well, in case I didn't, it was and is Morgan Brayton.

All right. Until further notice. Didn't I say Lily Tomlin, didn't, it was and is Morgan Brayton. All right. Until further notice. Didn't I say Lily Tomlin, didn't I? So, yeah. Well, yeah. Let's roll the music for Get to Know Us. See how that goes. Get to know us.

Well, I think. No problem so far. Well, let's get to know our guest, Morgan Brayden. Is that how it works? Okay. What's going on? You don't have to start from the beginning. What's going on recently?

What's the news? Oh, gee. It's shaking loose. Very, a lot of excitement in my world. I'm cat and house sitting. For friends? For my boss's boss i guess she's my boss technically but a couple of notches up from me yeah this sounds like something that would happen on the dick van dyke show like don't blow this this could be your chance at a promotion

well except i'm leaving my job so it's fine um so i can do whatever i want to their place no it's i we're cat and house sitting which is i like where i enjoy uh not where is how is it is an actual house no it's it's a condo oh wow okay so lots of space exactly and it you can you know pretend you try out new shampoos. Yeah? Right. Did you find something you liked? Yeah. Well, I liked it. But then we went to bed the other night and my wife said, are you wearing perfume?

I was like, yes. I put on perfume to come to bed. So she was like sniffing me all up and down and it turned out it was my hair. So apparently that shampoo is no good that I tried out. Is she anti, your wife, Michelle, is she anti-perfume? She doesn't like strong perfumey smells. Fair enough. Especially when she's trying to sleep, apparently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, well, yeah. That Glade plug-in works for some people, but not for everybody. Not relaxing for all. So yeah, so I, you know, you try out shampoos. You, like, use other people's things. You get to, like... Did you... So, you're cat sitting how many cats?

Two. Which is, like, a break for me because we have four. You have four. So, who's taking care of your four? Well, we're kind of going back and forth and, like, staying, you know... You didn't bring them along? Oh, God, no. Turning into a six-cat condo?

Our cats don't even like each other, let alone... Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Our cats don't even like each other, let alone. No, no, no, no, no. But, you know, you get to kind of, it's kind of like fantasy camp. You pretend you're somebody else for a while. You use their products. You pretend that you might actually be someone who can afford to buy a condo one day. Because I house sat and cat sat for like a year.

Oh, that's different. This is just two weeks. Yeah, but it was the same thing, though. I didn't move any of my stuff. And I used whatever products happened to be in the house to their absolute until they were gone. Which then I realized when the guy got back that that was not part of the deal. That I shouldn't have used every single product. Is that the end of your friendship? No. I mean, I think the fact that that was not part of the deal. That I shouldn't have used every single product. Is that the end of your friendship?

No. I mean, I think the fact that... He came back okay. Yeah, he came back all right. He was like, I can afford to buy new stuff. Yeah, he came back just fine. Yeah. But when you house sit...

Because this is the thing I've never had. Have you ever had somebody house sit for you? Really? Are you ever afraid they're going to go through your shit? That's mostly what I'm scared of. You, Dave? Like your stuff,

your private stuff. I've never had anyone house sit for me. Well, but that's... See, because would you leave Grandpa when you went away or would you take

Grandpa with? We've done both, but generally... You didn't just leave him here by himself. No, no, no. No, it's like home alone. We've given him

to other people to take care of. To dog sit, but not house sit. Oh, okay. No, it's like Home Alone. We've given him to other people to take care of. To dog sit, but not house sit. Oh, okay. Cats are different, because cats are... What about a movie like Home Alone, only with a dog or a cat? Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Ah! Why? I like it. Was that the plot of it? What could possibly be the plot of that movie? All I know is from the trailer, it seems like there's a lot of chihuahuas at the beginning, and then one gets plucked from Mexico, because that's where I think it takes place at the beginning, and then they end up in Beverly Hills.

Okay. I thought you were going to say a lot of chihuahuas at the beginning, then genocide. That's what I thought, too. I was like, and then there was only one. I thought it took a disturbing turn there, but that wasn't... My went, my mind went the same place as yours did.

We were never, Abby and I never, or Abby never let us, I ended up seeing it myself. Abby, your girlfriend? Yes. Who is also her own person. But she wouldn't let us go see I Am Legend, because at the beginning of the trailer, he has a dog, but at the end of the trailer he has a dog but at the end of the trailer he has no dog but does um abby oh surely surely she'll see dating an editor she would know that that maybe the trailer sequences are out of sequence they don't show you what happens in sequence no they

don't because otherwise but i never want to take yeah that move. It's not a chance you want to take. That's true. She was right. She doesn't want to die? No. I don't want to ruin the middle for you. Don't, don't, don't. I don't want to hear it. No, you don't understand. I was talking about Beverly Hills, too. I can't watch a movie with an animal in it.

Like, I don't mean like no animal. You know what I mean. Animal movies or any kind of, like, any kind of, like, all those Disney movies where animals are the, like, the lead characters. I can't. Really? I can't. Oh my god. Dunstan checks in? No good? No. Wow. Because there's something sad at some point that I will not be able to get past. You know how

all those Disney movies always start out with the inciting incident is like, oh, the mom dies. Or like Nemo. Cried and cried and cried because the mom was dead. And then I know there's a whole movie after that, but that's as far as I can get. I made the terrible mistake once

of watching The Lion King. Oh, yeah, yeah. Devastating. Yes. I was crying. And I was like in my 30s. I'm not talking about like I was a kid, obviously. Wait, are you 60 years old?

Yes, I am. I moisturize. No, I can't cope with it. I'm too sensitive. I have panic attacks watching any kind of animal anything. Wow. So you've never watched the full Finding Nemo? No.

Oh, that's too bad. It's a really funny gag right at the end. See, that's what everybody says, right? It's like... Spoiler alert. Well, maybe then. It better be really funny. I haven't seen it either.

I'm going to see it through my tears. But I don't see animated movies. Well, no. Yeah, Dave doesn't... He doesn't go to them at all. Different reasons. The funny gag at the end, and it's really... It's one of those gags where when you're at home, you say, oh, but wait a minute.

They forgot about this logical step, but then it turns out the writers actually didn't forget about the logical step that you thought that you'd picked up on. And it was these fish try to escape from a tank. But they're all in plastic. You know when they clean a tank, they put the fish in plastic bags or whatever? So they all jump out the window or whatever. And they're like, we're free! But everybody watching the movie is like, yeah, but they're all still in plastic bags right and then but they don't go and then they go back to it and they're all floating in the ocean and it's very sad and environmentally irresponsible yeah and hilarious that ain't bad that ain't bad

yeah it's a pretty good gag. Was that... Anyways. Do we move on from there? Any other... Yeah. You're house sitting. I'm house sitting. You're house and pad sitting.

You're looking for a new job, apparently. Well, I'm looking for a new job. I went to Seattle last week for Sketch Fest Seattle. How was it? To check the... It was okay. You didn't see anything that you... Oh, did we mention that you're the other half of the Crawford twins?

I am. It's true. Oh, yeah. We've had your compadre. Uh-huh. Compadre Lauren Martin. Indeed. Were you down there in the Crawford twins capacity? No, I was on a panel of performers, producers, whatnots, talking about sketch and increasing opportunities.

Was the guy from People's Republic of Comedy on there? Yes. Kevin Hyder. Yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah. I saw, I got an email about him. Very blue-eyed Kevin Hyder. Yes.

Holy cow. Yeah, he's got, he's now, when I first met him, very extremely youthful, now has the gray flecks in the beard and the hair. Oh, there's no flecks going on. That's full-on gray. Oh, yeah, it's completely gray. Oh, there's no flex going on. That's full on gray. Oh, yeah. It's completely gray. Yeah.

But he's still got the hipster, like, almost over one eye bangs that he has to, with his pinky finger, he pulls off to the side. Oh, yeah. He's slick. Yeah. Kevin Heider is slick. He's very youthful still. No, yeah.

No, it's a good looking gray. It's a Steve Martin gray over a George Pappard gray. Fine distinction. Yeah. George Pappard looked fine. No, yeah, but he couldn't pass for hipster. Right. Right?

Steve Martin. Steve Martin could because he went gray at 12. Well, and also, I think we've seen a little movie called Bringing Down the House where he does a pretty good hip-hop dance. He can still swing with the kids. That established it. Yeah. So anyways, I was there. No, didn't.

Let's see. Kudos to all involved. And also, I didn't see much that impressed me that much. Saw a great trio from Chicago called Hey You Millionaires. Very funny sketch saw a great solo show Dusty Warren from Seattle very funny wish you had been here last week because those guys from the crumbs could not tell us anything about no sketch oh yeah we're trying to ask them about sketch you know they're improv guys right did they tell you said they had their roots

in sketch yeah yeah they did bring up sketch at some point and then we tried to get into it and there was no no no they were pulling teeth that was that was a padded resume that you uh you called them on yeah i guess so yeah that's our investigative journalism yeah slant that we have here we had a hidden camera sting operation nice yeah i had it in my wallet but i was wearing my wallet my back pocket, so we got no footage from that. We just got mostly shots of my belt. It was useless.

Good looking. Yeah, it was muffled, too. You couldn't hear any noise. But you know what they did have, actually? I stand corrected. The third thing that I saw that I did quite enjoy was members of People's Republic of Comedy doing a sketch okay so here's what they did they had like a it was like a pilot project let's give this a whirl and see how it might be so okay so

here's the thing they had um each show at sketch fest seattle had a stand-up that was hosting it who came out and did a set and then introduced the acts, which I did not care for. I will be clear. I will be honest. Did you not care for the concept, or did you not care for the comedians? I did not care for the concept.

Okay. If I go to see a sketch comedy festival, I'm there to see sketch comedy. I can go see a stand-up any night of the week. Touché. I'm all about mixing genres if it's a mixed genre event, but to me

that wasn't what I was in the mood for. Funny, funny guys. They're all guys. Yeah, good comedians. Solid stuff. A little, uh, they're never going to hear this so I can talk about them. Wait a minute. We're very popular. I stand corrected, once again.

They will almost certainly all hear this. Interesting to me, very stand-up-y, stand-up kind of guys. Like, very like, stuff is weird, huh? Kind of guys. I think about weird stuff. Yeah, totally. A lot of that going on, but very funny. Have you seen this commercial?

Yeah. And did the hilarious, like Tig Notaro was just here for the comedy festival and she has an impression of a stand-up comedian doing impressions. Oh, yeah.

And it's how they always say it twice. It's like, my impression of a guy in line at the grocery store. A guy in line at the grocery store. And then launch into it.

So that happened pretty much every night. Anyways, but I will say, I found myself laughing out loud, LOLing, as it were. So all well and good, but unnecessary, as far as I was concerned. And so, when we're sitting in the audience

and the next group is People's Republic of Comedy, it's stand-up, it's doing a sketch. I was like, oh, for fuck's sake. I was not interested. No. I ate my words. Yeah, it was good. They were very good.

So what they did was they had an established sketch comedy director who worked with them. The troupe, the new or ad hoc troop or whatever wrote stuff they had a professional sketch director direct it it was super solid super funny they're all one of the favorite things that i've seen wow that i saw at uh sketch fest seattle they're all really funny guys so it doesn't surprise me that they would be able to pull that off yeah like there was a woman in the in the sketch thing lizziezie Pilcher? Was she very tall? No. Okay, I wasn't Lizzie Pilcher. Statuesque? Was she statuesque? She wasn't.

She was the opposite of statuesque. She was shorter. I don't know who that is. Was she action figure-esque? I think that she was, they were talking on the panel about this kind of farm team thing that they've done, and that the people that did the sketch were sort of part of that farm team.

So I think they were sort of not the, like... The main stage players? Yeah, I was going to say not the A-list, but then I was like, that's not what I mean, because they were just fine. They were farm teams. It's interesting that... But they weren't like the main dudes.

Triple A? Double A? Single A? Is that sports? I don't follow. Okay. They got all sorts of... They're go-getters, the People's Republic of California. Holy cow, are they ever. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I was down there in September for a bummer shoot, and they organized the kind of local stage. Right. It was great. Yeah. They put together... Good work all around. Yeah.

Not particularly hilarious topic to launch off on. No, no. But... But... Presumably pretty funny. Yeah. You know, they put together... Good work all around. Yeah. Not particularly hilarious topic to launch off on. No, no. But... But... Presumably pretty funny. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. Check out People's Public of Comedy if you're interested in Seattle comedy.

Seattle-based comedy. Because they don't really go anywhere else. No. Dave? Well, that was kind of part of what the panel was about, was how to create more opportunities, specifically in the Pacific Northwest, which they call it down there, which I guess would be the Pacific Southwest to us. Yeah, we just call it the Pacific, because no one lives up north. Exactly. Not anybody funny, anyhow.

having some kind of a you know you could do this festival in this festival all at the same time and therefore we could have more people come from the east and whatnot because yeah it's difficult especially with sketch festivals because there's not a lot of money to bring people so that was sort of what that was and i was like the worst possible person to be on this panel because i'm like i i don't know i give up i walked away from producing angry pants i totally was i was like look i'm the worst person to be on this panel i walked away from producing. Oh, were you all angry pants? I totally was. I was like, look, I'm the worst person to be on this panel. I walked away from producing. If I knew how to do this, I would be doing it. I would not be sitting here with you.

It's weird because I don't understand how if you're living in – I've never understood because I like Seattle a lot and I've been to Chicago and I like Chicago. But I don't understand if you're living in the states why you aren't living in new york like i don't understand how anybody who lives in america isn't living in new york or hawaii i'm thoroughly confused why you would live anywhere else not that the other places aren't nice but if you're a comic or an entertainer i don't understand why you wouldn't be it's it's always really confusing to me not that they're not cool see like that's not what i mean to say but i'm like you live in the same country that has new york in it right you should just go there because it's got everything you want but you're not saying

that comedians should move to hawaii no yes i am uh anyone funnier than graham should move to Hawaii. If there was a scene in Hawaii, wouldn't you rather, if you had a choice between where we are at this current second and Hawaii, what would you pick? I don't know. I'm pretty cozy. Yeah, you are cozy. You like it here. But see, that is exactly why. I like fall weather.

That's exactly why, right? Because you can say the same thing as like, why are we here and not Toronto and things like that. But Toronto's not New York, though. No, but we can't legally work without blah, blah, blah. No, but that's why I bring it up. Is anybody who is legally allowed to work in the States, I don't understand why they're not in New York.

I can understand completely why there aren't people in Toronto. Because, like, I like Toronto a lot, but it's not a city that I go to and I'm like, everybody should be here. Some people should be there and other people should not. Right. And same with Montreal. There's no city in Canada that I'm like, everybody should live there. Whereas New York, you feel... I feel like everybody should live there.

Yeah. Okay. What about idiots? Oh, idiots are going to go wherever they please. Believe you me, I'm going to find that out in spades in the next month or two. What does that mean?

I'm going on tour, so I'm going to find it out. I'm going to go and actually touch it. You're just seeing the future there. Okay, I get it. Anyways, that's enough about me. What's shaking with you? Let's get to know you. Okay, I get it. Shake the hands. Anyways, that's enough about me. What's shaking with you? Let's get to know you.

Well, let me tell you. Let me hear it. This week, I... Well, actually, yesterday, I went... The Vancouver Film Festival is on. It's an international film festival. What do I know? Yeah, by the time this episode has come out, it's over.

But yesterday, I was invited by a friend to go see a movie, and I ended up going, and it was great. It was a movie. It was a movie called Largo, about the venue in Los Angeles. I was going to say. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I read about that, and I said I wanted to see that. Okay, okay, okay.

I think there's a showing tomorrow. Damn it. All right. You got things? You got Mondays all blocked up said I want to see that. Okay, okay, okay. I think there's a showing tomorrow. Damn it. All right. You got things? You got Mondays all blocked up? I got stuff going on to mold young minds. Anyhow, go ahead. Sorry.

Yeah, so we went to go see it and it was really good. And it was a good day out and that's about it. I like it. So that's it? You got nothing? No hijinks? That was good. Very little hijinks.

Well, although I shouldn't push you for hijinks. I have plenty on my end. I'm loaded with hijinks. Prior to the movie, we went out, three friends of mine, for wings at a place called Wings on Granville Street. I heard that wings are laughs. That would be a horrible slogan

for a place called Wings. We're not one known for our wings horrible slogan for a place called wings we're not known for our wings there's a place there's a place on main street called wing nuts and their wings are pretty good but they're nuts um are great and anyway pulls it out of the fire at the last second that's what i like about it i didn't have faith and i should have what if they were nuts it'd be all crazy anyway uh seriously seriously folks uh you can't make this stuff up it's weird yeah stuff is weird this is and i'm a comic so i have to say something that's my favorite go-to comic line good one i like I like that one. But yeah, I went for wings and they were great. And then on our way to the theater, because I'm a great fan of the theater, we walked

past this restaurant and I believe it maybe just opened or it was just opening or maybe it's been there for years and I never noticed it, but it's called Deuce Bungalow. Now that is in, it used to be, it's on Granville Street, right? Yeah. It used to be called something, Godard Gallery or something. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, it was a gallery. With Olive.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, and it was a gallery that had paintings that were all either martini themed or dice themed. Oh, classy. But they were all by one guy and he rented out one of the biggest spaces on Grat. The rent must have been astronomical. Like a year or less.

Yeah, I was shocked. I thought it would be there for a week and then the financier would be like, oh, this was a terrible idea. We should just do this online. We've got to get something here. Where do you find a good financier? Well, you usually hang out in the pocket watch district, and then you see who's going in more than once a week,

or accessorized with different outfits. Who has the most piece suit? I have a five-piece suit. Do you see anybody with a five- to seven-piece suit? The pants that you zip off, and they don't end short. If you ever see somebody take off the gloves before dining, it could be a fine answer. All right.

But I wonder what Deuce Bungalow is. Is it a restaurant? It's a horrible idea. It's a terrible name. Well, no, but I think just if you extrapolate it from the name to the generalness of whoever would name their business that, it's obviously a horrible idea. It doesn't matter what the business is as long as you're calling it Deuce Bungalow. As long as it's named after a Rob Schneider movie.

But not even correctly. Well, of course not. Do you think that's the intention? It must be. Unless they're only selling two bungalows and they have no idea that there's a Rob Schneider movie. Or a bungalow made out of juice. That's the only other possibility. Got to the bottom of that.

But isn't that sort of like the, if you're going to have a poor business, that's the stretch right there. Like it seems like bad business after bad business. Maybe that's where the financiers are like, well, it's a terrible idea, so we'll finance you, but we're going to put you in these two blocks of Granville. So you want to sell chalk, and that's it? Can we sell chalkboards? Absolutely not.

How about chalk brushes? No. Chalk, that's it. Are you in or out? Chalk dust for gymnasts? How about chalk cubes for pool players? Never. I'm out.

I will not compromise. Let me get my checkbook. Just chalkboard chalk or chalk you can use on the street? For your pickup games. How about pictures of Sarah Chalk from television? Local actress Sarah Chalk. Maybe we can get her. Doubt it.

Doubt it. Doubt it. So, yeah. I don't know what Deuce Bungalow is, but I can't wait to go for it. I'm so going to look into it. Going at a business sale. The other thing is... How come restaurants never do that? They never have going out of business.

Like, you just get all the breadsticks. Yeah. Mostly because their food's perishable. That's what I mean. They never have a last night. It would be a short sale. Yeah, but like, I guess chalk. But at the end of the night,

they're like, no, take the fork and knife with you. Yeah, maybe they would. We're out. Maybe they would. But it would just be like a one night sale. I think it's usually just seized by the sheriff. A repo man. The other thing that happened, and I haven't done this yet uh a listener wrote in and after you suggested that uh maid of honor was the worst movie of all time he suggested that the worst

movie of all time is this movie called the room the listener's name is andrew thank you for writing now here's the thing before before we launch into the fold the and i i said this to you earlier when he disputed that this this movie was worse than made of honor you know made of honor the patrick dempsey movie oh no i was thinking a j-lo one was the jaylen ones made in manhattan okay made of honor is patrick dempsey uh you know he's with this girl he's a real he's you know the bachelor guy and then he realizes that he's in love with his best friend or whatever. But he has to be the maid of honor at her wedding. Okay.

And ends up coming through the door on a horse at the end and fucking gets the girl. Okay. The horse has a spoiler. But it is actually worse than this movie. I mean, we've only watched the trailer for the room right the room already is fun and hilarious right and uh in the trailer it's way it's way more i've downloaded the whole movie and i intend to watch it uh the the trailer it looks like some kind of terrible erotic thriller one of the guys has half of it taking place on a green screen on a

rooftop. And the guy, the lead is kind of, and this, because Morgan you think, does he remind you at all of the bad guy from Kindergarten Cop? Because that's who he reminds me of. That's not ringing any bells,

so I'm going to say no. The guy with the long hair and the big muscles, you know who I'm talking big muscles is it a Canadian film? no it's a gentleman who apparently inherited a sum of money and decided he wanted to be a movie star and wrote and directed and stars in this movie

and has a European accent and long black hair and he and is patently unattractive. He looks like a thug. Six million dollars, I was told. By my contacts.

By your financier. Yeah, by my financier. You can't make a movie for under that. Six million dollars, it sounds like a lot from our angle. You can get grants. But this guy couldn't. What's the one that they keep showing the ads for that's gonna be the uh canadian smash it passion dale as i was watching tv yeah it took him 10 years to make that film it doesn't look like it took that long well i'm not saying the filming of it took 10 years oh but to get all the

yeah he's been working on his first he had to make Well, because first he had to make Dew South, then he had to make Men with Brooms to build up his credibility, and now Passchendaele. His grandfather fought at Passchendaele. 10 years ago. That's why it took him so long. There was a lot to take care of after the battle. His grandfather had to go and get in some fights

in Passchendaele. It's not even about the war. Those clips are just his grandfather reminiscing and then it's about his grandfather getting in a fist fight in the down square. And it goes on and on. Right. Anyway, so this I'll put a clip of

the trailer for this movie. Oh, and this movie looks like a terrible erotic thriller. And then at the end of the trailer, these anonymous reviews come up. They don't credit them at all. And it says, like, with the passion of Tennessee Williams was the first one. And the next one is, the best movie

of the year. Followed by, it's a laugh riot. It's a quirky black comedy. And then, no, it doesn't look like it's supposed to be a comedy. Or it's a laugh riot at the end. The clips do not demonstrate that. The clips don't demonstrate much except that somebody should have said,

why don't we cut your hair for this movie? Because it's unbelievable that you exist in the real world. Nobody's going to believe you as a person. I feel much better because when we were watching that, now, granted, I feel angry about my career most days however when watching that i felt super angry because i was like i i'm not i haven't worked yet this year as an actor and that fucking guy has and all those people in that terrible movie can i swear it's on the internet however when you said he inherited a bunch of money and made his own film, I was like, oh, okay. It's not a real movie.

No. So I felt okay. But I want it to be a real movie. Desperately. We'll watch it soon. Yeah, because I don't think it will be bad. I think it will be, minute to minute, we'll have more laughs than the entire James Belushi catalog put together. Right.

You know what it looks like to me? It looks like... Throw in Rob Schneider's career in there. When there's like a movie that's a semi-hit and then they do a sequel, it looks like the sequel. Like Wild Orchid 2. Or the sequel that goes direct to video.

Yeah, exactly. That's what it looks like. Or Bring It On 2. Hmm. Again, I will slap you if you start insulting the Bring It On 2. Again, I will slap you if you start insulting the Bring It On movies. Movies? Plural. You have respect for the others. Girls in cheerleader outfits jumping around.

It's all I need to know about your film to give it two thumbs way up. Did you see the one that was kind of the offshoot one of that where it was about gymnastics? No, but I will tonight. Stick it? Was it called stick it? Stick it? Yeah. Seriously. I was sold.

When I was a kid and me and my friends would pretend to be gymnasts, I was always Mitch Gaylord and my friend was always Bart Connor and the other guy was always Peter Vidmar and we would always stick it. How long have you held that one up your sleeve?

That's beautiful. I'm sorry, what? Did you guys not pretend to be male gymnasts as children? But I will now. But I'm sure the kids today always are Morgan Hall and Paul Hall. They're all Mitch Gaylord-ing all over the place. Absolutely. Wow.

Stick it. I think all the kids this year they're it's it's not gymnast anymore they're all playing 400 meter swim relay yeah they're phelpsing it out no i you know because that's the obvious choice they're like i'm gonna be the uh that woman that's the 40 year old that came back whatever her name is kids are bad with names that's what i know kids are terrible all i know is i'm watching Stick It tonight. It's great because it's got the same sassy attitude that made you fall in love with Bring It On, but more gymnastics.

Like it was when you watched Bring It On, you're like, well, I could do more with the flipping. And, you know, that stuff. The thing with Bring It On is they never say Bring It On in that movie. I don't know. They say Bring It, but they say stick it about half a dozen times. Okay, well then that's a movie I can get behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It seems like you can get an actress with the cheerleader body type, no problem, but the gymnast body type is pretty hard to come by. You need five feet tall, two feet tall, the girls, they're the same girls from the cheerleading movie, only

in a gymnast leotard. Like, it's not... So it's not realistic. Well, it's as realistic as, like, you know, Passchendaele. Right?

Look, I was... I'm not saying Passchendaele. I know. You're so angry about Passchendaele. You need to let it go. I was a child figure skater and I understand

the complexities... Did you wear gloves? Well, for practice sessions, but you don't for competition. Okay, okay. Yeah. Dave? But, you know, I understand the complexities of the body that one ends up with when one is a figure skater or a gymnast. One ends up with a sway back.

One ends up with a big ass and big thighs. I think the girls from stick it are gonna be okay because i think they're all probably bulimics so i think it'll be okay um you're a fan of bring it on yes i've only seen the first yeah uh but who you know who i want to punch from that movie snaggletooth uh nope not gabrielle union the the leader of the Clovers, but her sassy little friend. Oh, yeah. She's a toady. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She would always pipe up at the last second and throw in a little more attitude. Yeah, that's true. I have to say, I think you gentlemen are paying more attention to plot than I was. Apparently. Yeah. But Eliza Dushku, eh? Eh?

Eh? She lit up the night. She brought it. There it is. Can we get to know me? Just briefly? Let's get to know you. No, no brief about it.

Graham? Yeah, buddy. Hey, what's up? I just went to Kelowna for the weekend. Oh, is that in the Okanagan? Beragert? That's in the Okanagan. Or, as i was informed by

one of the people that was on the show with me up there uh it's uh commonly known as the kokanagan because of the massive amounts of cocaine imbibed by the locals or sold by locals i have no idea can you imbibe something through your nose uh look it up online i think google it yeah all right is this a new thing because i now granted i haven't been there for many years like maybe 2001 we were there no 2002 something like that maybe i'm just innocent but i didn't notice why is it a new thing i don't know as i was saying to you i didn't see it happening but as i was saying to morgan earlier the number one thing that the town seems to be against is sleeves. Sleeves seem to be on the outs, but bulging biceps are on the ups.

So I don't think Coke is the... But I think sleeves were just fine, but they can't keep them on because they're just all the time... They just explode. You wouldn't like to see me when I'm angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Also, you wouldn't like to see it. Yeah, you wouldn't like to see it. And you wouldn't like to see me when I'm angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Also, you wouldn't like to see it. Yeah, you wouldn't like to see it.

And you wouldn't like to sleeve it. My God. But, yeah, well, some of them aren't going to hit with the... That's okay. I'll make a noise and it'll be fine. Yeah, thank you. You're welcome. But I was in Kelowna for three...

And I invited Dave to come along and be a part of this and he turned me down yeah cold he said he didn't want to be he didn't want to come up i assumed i would have a job in vancouver yeah he's super established well we've established over the past many many podcasts that dave's uh more and more just nesting yeahending time in about a 10 block radius. I feel you, Dave. I feel you. Got your back. He's not a hunter. He's a farmer.

So, but I, yeah. So I went and it was like, there's not, if you don't have anybody to do anything with up there, there's very little to do. Like you can go downtown and like they don't show matinees anytime except Saturday. You can't see a movie. You're in a hotel, so you can't rent a movie. They didn't have... Well, they had Blockbuster, but it was way down the highway.

There's nowhere to walk. What a difference. Is that a Blockbuster slogan? Not anymore. It used to be, wow, what a difference. Blockbuster video. There was a place right next to the Blockbuster in Kelowna that was called Best Buy, but wasn't Best Buy. It wasn't Best Buy? And I didn't think you're allowed to do that. Are you allowed to just name your business after some really famous business?

Unless they were there first. In which case, they'd do a lot of money. But they're also an electronics place. It's at Best Buy Electronics. It's like you went through the looking glass. The whole Cologne experience was like looking through the looking glass. If you made a tiny village,

like a miniature world, out of circuits, could you call it Circuit City? Is Circuit City still around? I believe so. That's a weird name for a business I don't think that that's In Canada all the radio shacks Have been changed

Maybe not all of them But have been changed to The Source CC Or The Source by Circuit City Yeah And the website TheSourceCC.com Check it out

Yeah For all your If you need some kind of Cheap musical keyboard Or if you need a three way AC adapter Yeah your... If you need some kind of cheap musical keyboard. Or if you need a three-way AC adapter. Yeah. You know, whatever you need. They might or might not have it.

From AC to AC to AC. There was also... This was a thing that I've never... Because I took the Greyhound bus, right? Ooh. Again, enough for bragging. There and back. You should have invited me.

I would have driven. Well, if I... Well, I'll go back over my day book and see when if I did, I meant to invite you. But then I think if you look at your day book, you probably meant to say no immediately. You didn't even consider it.

That was the thing that was the most shocking. You were like, oh, I'll get back to you. No, actually, I don't want to. Right. Good point. Yeah. You could have made up something. Never invite me on these things.

And I have a minivan. Yeah, I forgot. I forgot even. I didn't even think about. But you would have hated it, I think. Maybe you would have. It's a wine festival. I hated it.

It was on. Do you like wine? As we already have established, I have a drinking problem. It's not a problem in the Okanagan. You're a connoisseur. That's why I want to go. I'm a cocaine connoisseur. I'm a sommelier.

I am a bicep connoisseur. I am a financier. All I'm saying is consider me. That's all I'm saying. Will do. Okay. All I'm saying is consider me. That's all I'm saying.

Will do. Okay. But a lot of buildings in these small towns, they don't like – the thing in the city is you'll tear down a building and rebuild. Like if you want to put – if you want to install a curve somewhere, you don't just put it in where it used to be a barn. But that's not the case in the small town because because there was a barn that is now Curves. And I appreciate that, that there was a church slash bakery slash loan center was on the main drag in Kelowna. One-stop shop.

Yeah, I like that they won't tear it down. They just put a new sign out front, and now it's that thing. Now it's a money mart. It looks like somebody's house, but it's not. When I went last year, it made me want to own a ranch, because I was driving through this huge stretch of ranch land, and someone on the side of the highway...

What a pain in the ass to own a ranch. Are you kidding me? Let him have his fantasy. He's not ever going to leave this apartment Let him have it But they had a dirt bike track A huge excite bike track I would own a ranch

That didn't produce any kind of Farming It would just be a place for dogs to run around And dirt bikes Not that I would ever dirt bike I'd be afraid of breaking my neck But it would be fun to offer to children just be like a place for dogs to run around and dirt bikes not that i would ever dirt bike i'd be afraid of breaking my neck but it would be fun to offer to children and maybe uh i never knew we had so much in common dave the nesting the fear of actually doing anything i like you we

should hang out absolutely on the internet call no but i'm afraid of the phone so we won't the uh that's the thing it's. People are always like, oh yeah, it'd be really awesome to go own a farm. You know, just get away from the rat race. Just go out and own an acreage. Maybe a duck. Who knows, right?

Live off of duck eggs. I think I could do it. I think I could do it. No, you couldn't. If it was internet. Yeah, if it was like a Sim farm. I was going to say Sims. Sims Kelowna farm. But that's how people end up with kids.

What? They're like, you know what would be fun? You know what I really like? It's just to have a bunch of kids. Teach them stuff I know about farming. And then they have them and they think, I should have thought this through. My thing that I would be afraid of is that criminals would come to my house in the middle of the night and I would never, like no one would know. You've watched too many movies.

Yeah, and also. When they show up with the shotguns at the door of the ranch house. Surprisingly in those movies, like they, it always seems that way. It's like they still have the old-timey phone. They only have a landline, right? They're on the farm. They've somehow avoided cell phone technology altogether. They're off the grid.

And they have an answering machine. Well, you don't have any reception over there. But you do, because they're cell phones. You can get reception in the middle of the desert. They've only got four bars. Yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous that there's ever a point where some... And the murderer goes around the back of the house and cuts the phone line manually.

Yeah. Because that's the easiest thing in the world to do. Because the phone line usually runs right on the side of the house. Above the doorway. Easily snipped. Into the phone. If it was that easy to cut somebody's phone line, don't you think that kids would be doing it every night of the week, always?

That would be the fucking thing that kids would do. If it was that easy to cut phone lines, that's what I would have done when I was a teenager. Let's go cut some people's phone lines. We used to steal people's Christmas lights. What? What did you do with them? Oh, you just threw them on the ground and they made a popping noise. Were you ever a do-well?

I don't think that that's a term. Or were you a ne'er that's a term i was yeah i was a ne'er-do-well um you okay so you and michelle could have my lovely wife could have maybe some kind of competition in this because the things that i find out about my wife as a youngster and a teenager. Yeah. If I had found out pre-marriage, it might have made me think things through. So things like, we were watching some show. She used to torture hobos. Something awful like that. And I would have had second thoughts.

No, we were watching a show talking about pranks that you play on your teacher. And I said, did you ever do that? Did you ever steal the chalk or whatever from your teacher? And she's like, no. I'm trying to put some tax in her coffee, but I was like, what?

Yeah, we did that. We just put either chalk, tax, or just plain old good Canadian spit. Oh, yeah. Spit is one thing. Tax is like, you could die. And so then she proceeds to give me this litany. If you're chugging your coffee.

All it takes is one sip. No, but you're sipping it from the top. The tacks almost certainly are at the bottom. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. Coffee is generally a hot beverage. Well, then maybe she's not as bad as her. I think she is, that wife of mine. Yeah, it wasn't like she was putting glass in.

If it ended there, it would be okay. But there was a litany of terrible things they would do to their teachers. I think the worst thing we ever did was... Well, that's what you get for hooking up with a lady with a pompadour. I think you knew... She was a greaser. Yeah, she was a greaser. She was from the wrong side of the tracks.

I was a soche. You were a soche. You knew it. You knew what you were getting into. I was trying to walk in the wild side and I got it over my head. You should have known it from the first time they did that big dance number.

Inviting you to join their gang. That should have been the tip off. Of course she was trouble. Do we want to move on to some overheards? Wait, can I ask a question? Yeah. And I don't remember what it was that triggered this. It was something about...

Anyways, there was a reason that it made me think of it. Did you guys in school ever play donkey basketball? That sounds really familiar. One frown and one that sounds familiar. There's frown and one that sounds familiar there's a mr show sketch where uh

they need an expert on donkey basketball and it's a like a company that that hires out courtroom experts and did you see that and go donkey basketball i thought it was a joke well there was a thing on the simpsons where they actually play basketball on the backs of donkeys well this is the thing so maybe it's an american thing okay so it doesn't actually of donkeys. Well, this is the thing! So maybe it's an American thing? Okay. Does it actually involve donkeys? Yeah, apparently so. Okay, yeah. So I have heard of it then. Yeah? Yeah.

Maybe it's just... Do you think that's it? It's an American thing? Is that... Well, it's not a Canadian thing. Well, I don't know. We have bison hockey, so that might be the similar thing. Slightly more dangerous. Take that, America. I've seen bike polo.

Oh. Well, that's not... With croquet mallets. So it's them riding on the back of donkeys playing basketball. Okay, so here's the thing. Again, I don't mean to make everything about my gay marriage on your show but my lovely wife who is american yeah by trade said she at one point said to me the dib rule academy she said to me something about donkey basketball and i thought it was

like some kind of clever name for dodgeball or something. And she insisted that no, they brought in donkeys and the students would all sit on the backs of donkeys and play basketball. And I was like, that didn't happen, honey. That didn't happen. And she said it did. And I did not believe her

and I would not believe her. Now granted, A, American. B, raised Seventh-day Advent adventist so a lot of wacky shit going on yeah her upbringing and so i thought oh maybe it's some kind of weird thing that seventh day adventist let's put our kids on donkey basketball there's some kind of jesus connection right jesus and there was a donkey and therefore stone i'm not sure the basketball can the donkey thing i understand but the basketball thing. So I didn't believe her.

Then today, as I'm leaving to come here, on the news from America, donkey basketball somewhere, there was something on the news about donkey basketball, and she was like, see? Yeah, no, it's... She seems vindictive. She's an angry, angry woman.

She'll never hear that. Definitely donkey basketball does seem like... It seems like a thing where you're just like... You've just run out of extracurricular activities. Or you have an excess of donkeys. Have you? We've just run out of other things. Let's just all get on the...

Like 14 donkeys we have. My Uncle Hal owns a donkey ranch and do you want to play regular basketball no um taz van rassel was telling me about local improv yep was telling me about this game he played in atlanta and i believe it's called Whirlyball. And it is some kind of, I think it's like a basketball or like high lie. Like I think you're trying to get a ball into a hoop, like a wiffle ball into a hoop in this court. But the court is a bumper car track, and you're doing the whole game in bumper cars.

Well, see, now that's not uh but a sport but apparently it exists as opposed to donkey basketball it exists in different cities it's not just a like a localized thing yeah well see but that was the thing like originally if you told me that paintball wasn't a localized affair in Calgary. Like that that was everywhere else. I wouldn't have believed you. When paintball first came out, if you said, oh no, it's not just Calgarians that love this. It's everywhere. It's idiots. Yeah.

You know what? I would go for it. If somebody was so bold as to organize a paintballing day, I would be a part of it. I've never done it. Sounds painful. It's incredibly painful. But I would go for it. Really? It is actually a lot of fun. Isn't there a way we could just do it with lasers?

Does that exist? When I was in London, Ontario, there was a laser tag. Don't we have one here? We don't have one here. We must. We must in Abbotsford or something. In the burbs. Listen, maybe it's just because I'm 5'3 and fat and not sporty, but I just think sports

I say curvy. Wouldn't you say curvy? Whatever. Say what you're going to do. I was buying curves today. It was a barn. It was a barn-shaped curves. And you thought of me.

Yeah. You said, you know who should go to this barn-shaped curves? No, but you know who I think would appreciate this barn-shaped curves? There it is. I said Morgan Brayton. The point being, I think sports are hard enough. Why do you need to bring donkeys or bumper cars into it? Sports are hard. It's true.

I'm with you on that. Yeah, but that kind of levels the playing field. Okay. Like if I were on a donkey, I would be an Olympian. No, no. Olympian? What did I mean to say? Olympian? Sure. But I think you're only as good as your donkey. I believe that's the lesson

of this episode. Let's move on over. You can cut all that out. I just that's the lesson of this episode. Let's move on to overheard. I just had a question about whether or not anyone else understood the concept of donkey basketball. Let's play the theme. Overheard. Alright. You've got an overheard, right? You came prepared.

Did we warn you? Yeah, I warned. Do you want to start or do you want Dave to start? I want Dave to start. Okay. Okay. Here's the dealio. Here's the juice.

Yeah. Here's the hat. Here's the juice at five o'clock. That's the new radio station in Kelowna. If anybody's wondering, it's called The Juice. Do you listen to the radio on the road? No, no, no. It was right by the hotel.

Okay. Yes, I do. I listen to 90.3 The Silk was the station of choice while i was out there the sheepskin the silk um okay so i was at a uh it was a a wednesday maybe tuesday uh and i was at a a bank but just just the the ATM kiosk there. And there was a line up. It was the little thing. Set the scene. It was the little thing

where you need to use your card to get in. To get in the door, not just the, okay. And as I was going in, there was this drunk guy, maybe about 50, really drunk,

trying to get in. And he had to wait for the people coming out. Put his library card in the slot. He had to wait for the people coming out to let him in. And there was one lineup for two machines, but he didn't know that. So he just started his own lineup for the second machine.

He thought, oh, all these people are idiots. And they don't realize there's two machines. Anyway, so he tries to go to this one machine. And everyone's like, no, you've got to get to the back of the line. We get angry, the Canadians. But he came in front of me, so I let him in front of me. And then finally it was his turn, and he went to the bank machine, and he was like, I'll just be a second. As if I cared.

There's two machines. And he was not just a second. He screwed up somewhere along the way he got his cash and then he couldn't get his card out and he i could see him just pounding on the keys and he couldn't figure it out and then he turned back to like the five of us that were in the line he said does anyone know how to get the card out i don't know how to work this thing and we all ignored him oh thank you you were nice enough to let him go ahead of you but not to help him out oh well it might have been a scam uh and anyway uh so yeah and and then finally one person did go up and help them uh or help them and like i was thinking what how how would you help him. And I was thinking, how would you help him if he didn't know how to get his card back?

I would just say, hit cancel. Or I would look at the screen and if it said, do you want a receipt? I would press no so that it finishes the transaction. Follow the instructions. But the person who went and helped him gave him this advice. They said, well, you've got to go back to the beginning and ask for it to give you zero dollars. What? You have to pull the cartridge beginning and ask for it to give you zero dollars. What?

You have to pull the cartridge out and blow on it. Like it was some kind of hack. Wow. That's a complicated... So, and did that work? I don't know. I got to the other machine. I got the hell out of it. Wow.

Wow. That's poor advice. It doesn't make any sense. Does it still count as a good Samaritan if your advice is lazy and unhelpful? I think so. Okay. But whenever it does ask you... So if you see somebody being mugged, like a purse snatching, and you run in and you

accidentally trip the person whose purse was just snatched, are you still a good Samaritan? You accidentally help them steal the purse. I'm a hero. Good intentions. If your heart was in the right place. Yeah. Okay. You overhear anything, Beardo?

I did. Okay. Well, these were both bus related. On your trip there or back? Trip back. One of them was an overseen. And I like this. I like because obviously whenever you see a sign posted, you know that it's gotten to the critical point where it's happened so many times that a sign – they're tired of verbally explaining this is a problem.

We don't want this to happen anymore. So a sign has to go up just to clear the air. And it was at the stop in Merritt. and it was at the stop in Merritt. There was a sign on almost every door going in and out of the little service station that no garbage bags allowed as luggage. That was with a huge exclamation point on every door when you walked in or out. So I liked that. But the best thing was I was sitting two rows behind a guy,

and I was listening to music for the whole trip. Because you love music. Because I love – I'm a big music fan. You know, just all different types. A little Calypso for the first half, and then some, you know, some dirty, bluesy something or other. Anyways, it was loud enough that I should have been blocking out any kind of noise. But I could hear the guy's music two rows ahead of me.

So I took mine off and I was trying to listen to what he was listening to. And I realized it wasn't music at all. But it was like a self-help seminar with like inspirational music in the background but it was just like you know i can't i couldn't hear exactly but it's something along the lines of see your goal reach your goal but it was this guy in like this shitty sweater that was two rows ahead of me on the somewhere yeah well he needs it more than him yeah yeah okay all right so maybe that wasn't the greatest. So shitty sweater, great. No, it was good.

No, you know, it wasn't. But we've got a guy that sent one in that is actually phenomenal. Do you have one? I do. Well, and I'm glad you said the overseen because I had an overseen and I was going to ask if that qualified. That's so good. Okay, so my friend and I were walking within the West End,

which progressively is sketchier and sketchier by the hour. And so my friend and I were walking on the corner of like Thurlow and Davy. And I didn't hear the end of it. And I'm okay with that because I don't want to be implicated. And we walked past these two kind of sketchy guys. And the one guy, sketchy one number one says to sketchy number two what we gotta do is get some guys down here with some bats and then we just kept walking

and we didn't hear the rest of it and we were like just keep walking just keep walking do you think it was bats like like baseball bats? We considered, like, what might be solved by bringing in vampire bats? Fruit fly, problem. We got a lot of fruit flies. Not enough for Juano. Yeah. But it was a little disturbing. They're trying to scare his kid sister.

Yeah. Oh, man, bats are scary. Bats are scary. Bats are scary. Do not stay out at night. I had a bat hit me in the head one time at a party. Really? At a party? Yeah.

Where were you? Transylvania. This is one of your spelunking parties in Transylvania? Oh, nothing near as exciting. No, it was in the West End, once again. And I'm not good at parties. I don't... What do you mean?

Like you don't have any parlor tricks? You don't have a... I just don't generally care for people. Yeah. You guys should hang out more often. Sounds like you guys do. Except then... Yeah.

Exactly. I'd rather drink alone under my bed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm in the kitchen reading the fridge is what I do at parties. Because people have fun things on their fridge. Yeah, that's a good call.

I hope they have magnetic poetry. It was earlier than that. I think it was pre-magnetic poetry. When they just had the letters. Yeah, when people just wrote poetry on a piece of paper and stuck them on their fridges. So I was standing there looking and thinking, what am I doing here? I should go home. And I felt this like, on my head.

And I was like, oh, very funny, you guys. Because I thought it was somebody had tossed something at me. And I looked and there was no one there. And then I looked down and there was a bat on the kitchen floor. Jesus. Because, and there's, just right off Davy, there's a and bats go in the trees, I guess.

And it had flown in the window. And so then I sort of snuck around it and went out into the living room and was like, like Rick Moran in Ghostbusters. I was like, uh, hey guys. There's a bat in the kitchen. And, uh,

so, and it was a lesbian. Then they go in the kitchen, there's only a guy with a cape in there. He's like, what are you talking about? That would have made for a much more interesting story but it was a lesbian party and so then like all the like butches screamed and then like some girl in high heels was like let me take care of this i know it's a miss it's a misunderstanding of how things work in the lesbian community so then some girl in high heels like took a a dish towel and tossed it over the bat and then grabbed it and threw it out. That's great.

Wow, I like that story. I just like that story. But then years later, I read a story about somebody who had been bitten by a bat and didn't know they were bitten by a bat. Grab Stoker Dracula. Vlad the Impaler. That was the story. I read this 200-page story. I was in university. English 101. a bad stoker Dracula no and then and then like a year later they got super sick and like we're in the hospital they didn't even know that they'd been bitten

because I suppose the their teeth are very sharp and whatever and then they got sick and died. And it was like six years after the fact, and I was convinced that I was going to die from this vampire bat that I didn't bite, that I didn't know I'd had. Wow. I'm like that. So that's the...

That's the flip side of not leaving your house, is you get worried about things. That's what's led you to not leave your house, because I've never been the victim of a bat. How many lesbian parties have you been to aside from my house? Morgan, I think you know the answer to that is plenty. Sometimes several a week. Sometimes you have unprotected sex with a bat,

and you think it's fine, and then six years later, you start to worry. Vampire stuff flares up. Sure. All of a sudden, somebody's like, garlic bread, and you're like ouch my eyes did you also have an overseen i did i did uh so uh on the bus on my way to work in my crappy job and i uh went past a sign in uh this the window of a produce store that had

it said the buzz of the 90s. Can we guess what it is? Hogs. Hogs, one guess. C.C. Peniston. I don't think it was Peniston. C.C. Peniston.

I don't think it was Peniston. Creep. I'm pretty sure it was not C.C. Peniston. Spell it. It's spelled Peniston. I don't think it was Peniston. Creep. I'm pretty sure it was not C.C. Peniston. Spell it. So creepy. It's spelled Peniston. I don't think it's pronounced as such. Yeah, but I think it was pronounced Peniston. If you had a name like that, you wouldn't have pronounced it. Let me guess again then. So what was this?

An organic food store? Marcy Playground. It was a produce store. It was a produce store. The Buzz of the 90s. Oh, beeswax. Because it's clever because it's got a pun because it's a buzz. It's the buzz of the 90s. Oh, beeswax. Because it's clever because it's got a pun. Because it's a buzz. It's the buzz of the 90s, right? More clever than they were.

No? Okay, so it wasn't that. The square watermelons. Blueberries. Oh! The buzz of the 90s. Don't you remember the 90s when all we could talk about was blueberries? Yeah. No, I remember...

I remember the cranberries. Remember the last Woodstock? Well, that would be more accurate. Something. Insert joke there about blueberries. I don't know how many people that's bringing in. And it was like in quotes. That was like a poll quote or something from like a blueberries press kit.

From the blueberries press kit. I believe that movie we saw the trailer for was the buzz of the 90s as well. It was the best movie of all time. Buzz of the 90s. Blueberries. Why would you advertise a product so far away from the 90s as the buzz of the 90s?

Are they hoping for the retro thing? Like, oh, we're having a 90s party. Make sure you bring some blueberries. But I didn't know that blueberries were suffering such poor sales that they needed to be reminded. I think the buzz of right now are pomegranates. Fair enough.

A few years ago it was strawberry kiwi. Pomegranates are all seeds. I call bullshit on pomegranates. No, it's very good for you. You mustn't call bullshit. Not at all. They say that about something every year. There's always going to be a new thing that's good for you.

They've said pomegranate's good for you for a long time. You just haven't been listening. The pomegranate press kit. Maybe. Pull quote. I love that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to use that more in casual conversation.

Do you want to move on to a new seggy? Yeah, okay. A new one. A different seggy. Oh, no. Well, let's play the overheard from our... Okay, so we have an overheard from a listener named Tom in Windsor, Ontario, who works at a place called the Fog Lounge,

or owns it, actually. I believe he's the owner. And he sent in a hilarious... He's a financier. He wears a monocle. And one of those high collars. Is it a monocle? Yeah, it's a bat.

Or a carbuncle? He wears both. He wears a monocle in the winter and a carbuncle in the summer because it's too hot. Yeah, he sent in an overheard a couple weeks ago about uh fucking someone's cousin yeah which was which was outrageous and download that podcast if you want to hear it and this he sent in another one that we thought was uh it was rib tickling is what i thought oh this is the guy with the book yeah yeah yeah this one was overheard uh from a couple of guys who returned from a strip club.

Yeah, that was not good. Why? What was so bad about it? Dude, her boobs were like bruised elbows. Ouch. Yeah, I don't even know how that works. Wow. I like everything about that one because the guy says her boobs yeah boobs is it's very rare when you come back from a strip club that you're that

you're using boobs yeah usually say something more respectful to women yeah yeah your boobs usually aren't a comic book character six year old and you're going to a strip club then fair enough you would be like boobies yeah you would be boobies her boobies were all bare naked ladies boobies now morgan we'll put it to you do you want to uh do you want to play a round of celebrity crush hat or we were thinking possibly of done cast stunt casting I'll tell you my concern with the hat what's that I feel like there are only four ages left no no you can draw any age yeah we expelled ourselves from it so now it's just the guest will will draw and we will just just reminisce about your about your

pick well it's given a world we can cut it out of it no it's good celebrity draw and we will just reminisce about your pick. Well, let's give it a whirl. We can cut it out if I'm crap-tastic. Celebrity Crush Hat, play the theme. Celebrity Crush Hat, crushing the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat, go fuck yourself. Celebrity Crush Hat, chapeau chinois. Celebrity Crush Hat, crush hat.

Alright, here we go. This is the hat. What team is that? It is a Detroit Tigers hat. Alright, here we go. This is the hat. What team is that? It is a Detroit Tigers hat. It is a 7 1⁄4 size. I'm actually 7 3⁄8. So this hat really is only good for picking

numbers. Okay. As a child, my nickname was Basketball Head from my family. I don't know what size that would be, but it would be extra large. And round. No, I'm going to pick another one.

Oh. Have you ever done that before? No. I like it. If you just want to talk about an age you had a crush on, we don't have to go through this. This is easier because 30 is just uncomfortable. I'm going with 15. 15.

Here we go. 15. Celebrity crush going with 15. 15. Here we go. 15. Celebrity crush 15. Okay. Although I am now curious why 30 was so uncomfortable, but too recent. No, it's not.

No one wants to talk about their love of Kylie Minogue again. It's true. They can only be celebrities. That's the trick. Yeah, no, I know. No, I don't think that I had really when I was 30. 15, sure. 15 sure well now let me just okay let me backtrack it up i just have

to figure it out because 15 is like grade like nine or ten maybe about nine yeah uh no like grade 10 so that was like a uh shortly before that's 10th grade for our american listeners thank you for making this by what are you a sophomore then and if you're in england you are in fourth form oh nice you're in a levels you are in quidditch um and if you're me you're about to quit school so did you ever finish i didn't. Well, to be fair, so I left, I retired at 16. Well done. Early retirement. Did you write your autobiography? It was all suede patches on your jacket from then on.

Well, that was why I retired, because I was like, look at me. I've got a tweed jacket with suede patches. I'll be on my way. Who could ask for anything more? You can teach me nothing. But then at 22, I went back to school as a mature student, and I went to university. Oh, okay.

So I just skipped the middleman. Good for you. Yeah. Nice. Embarrassing. So, let's see, at 15, it was not a good time. I was a little messed up. So my crushes at 15 would have... First describe your haircut at 15. Oh, asymmetrical.

Oh, really? I'm a little older than you boys. Was the long on the one side short? Did you shave it? Was it shaved on one side, long on the other? I did. I shaved some crisscrosses into the side of my head. That's where I was.

I know. You're kidding me. I know. I had the... Were you also a BMX bike racer at the time? No, no, no. Were you a rad? Was I what? Never mind.? No, no, no. Were you a rad? Was I what?

Never mind. There was a movie called Rad. Oh, okay. No. Unfortunately, no. I'd like to have that on my resume. It wasn't like a mohawk. It was like the wider mohawk of the time that was like shaved or almost shaved on the sides with a long tail which was dyed pink

and a big puffy rat uh backcombed but like mohawk like from either side of your head not like skinny mohawk how many how many binders did you draw the anarchy symbol on no see. See, this was the anomaly that was my teenage years is that I was... You draw on your sneakers. Yeah. All right. Okay, okay. I'm feeling this look.

On everything else. I wrote bad, non-rhyming poetry on my binder. Oh, yeah. No, that's good. That's as good as a... And yet I was... It's a long-form anarchy symbol.

Sure. Exactly. I was student council president. SCP. Until I got suspended from school for having the worst late record in the history of my school. And you'll notice tonight... Wow.

I was late. It hasn't changed. I blame MapQuest. Yeah. Yeah. You could be a ten time tardy nominee if that was an award. Who's going to win the Tardys? Me.

And I got called into the office and was told, you know, you have to go home. You have been missing too much school. We're sending you home. And he said, young lady, you have the worst late record in the entire history of this school. Which, like, my parents went to and their parents went to and whatever. And they were late. and I was like, seriously, let me see. That sounds like such

a ridiculous sentence to have to say in one's life. You are the most late of anybody in the history. We did a long research. And they would have had to, because before, really, things were computerized. So they would have had to really look into it in order to make that

statement accurate. Unless he was just trying to... Probably. I feel like I was lied to a little bit in high school. What? So anyways, I was not... Crushes, go. Oh, okay, right, right. I forgot the topic. No, but this is great. Yeah, oh, I... Slevin? Yeah, no,

peering into the past. Well, it's... Okay. seeing a little bit more of the morgan bray just be haircut hat from now on oh man i remember my haircut at 15 are you kidding i could send you a picture of me at 15 with my i think we would love that perfect we'll do done uh so i loved to the point of obsession and not in in like he was going to be my boyfriend, but in like we were creative soulmates. Prince. Oh, Prince. Whoa, good pick.

We had parties on Prince's birthday. What is his birthday? I don't remember now. Okay. We had my grade 10 annual yearbook, whatever you call it. You know how they ask you for a quote? Mm-hmm. And they ask you, like, what's your favorite food and stuff?

And somehow I had gleaned from Prince that probably somebody had asked him a similar question, and I repeated it and listed my favorite food as mashed yeast and bubble yum. It seems... Because that's what he'd said. Like it... Mashed yeast and bubble yum. It was more satisfying pre-internet to be obsessed with something. Because you really had to search for the, like, read the articles.

And you couldn't just check out the Wikipedia page. No, no, no, no, no. You couldn't at all. Yeah, you're right. That's true. and when you were when you it really sucked when you had invested the time on a thing and then it became a mainstream thing and then you felt like i discovered that thing and now everybody's doing the whatever the fuck it is you know whatever it was whatever your thing was big league chew was mine i discovered that way before it went wide, whatever it was, whatever your thing was, Big League Chew was mine.

I discovered that way before it went wide. For me, it was CCP Niston. But my other one, and so I never felt like I discovered it. I grew up in Victoria, and we got things a little later. I never discovered anything. An hour and a half ferry ride later.

Exactly. So there was my Prince obsession, and there was Johnny Depp. Oh, wow. And he was it. And I would go every... Yummy. We would go grocery shopping every week. I would run ahead of my mother.

I'm like 15. I would run ahead of my mother to the newsstand to see if there were any new magazines with his pictures. And even if it was a teeny tiny picture on like page 48, I would make my mom buy it for me. What was Johnny Depp up to? Was this in his

21 Jump Street days? Yeah. Ironically. This is a fun fact. I got a feeling this story ends with Richard Grieco. I wish. I wish. I wish. No, even sadder than that, I did...

Okay, so remind me in case I forget when we get there. So, of course, in the same way that I would one day cut an album with Prince, which still may happen, so shut up. Nobody's saying anything. Shut up. Shut up. We didn't bet anything. I would also one day, one day one beautiful day when i had paid my dues work with johnny depp so i did i moved to vancouver and

was cast on 21 jump street by this point how badass some of you get me but some of the shine of 21 Jump Street and Johnny Depp had worn off by that point. That's the fucker. That's why he's not famous anymore. In the same way that I was in love with Chris Pratt from kindergarten through grade three, and he asked me out in grade six, and I said yes because of those four years. I was playing it cool. i was like yeah i know chris brown is yeah all my stories make sense eventually i think he's a country singer but you know but no but i didn't grade six and i was like oh you're now unattractive and weird and we're in

grade six but sure i'm going to say yes because there were four years when i wanted nothing else then we went out and then he was creepy and weird, and we went around for like three days. In the same way... Back in those days, when you went around, it was walking around a well and throwing in pennies. It was like that episode of Full House where they got married by walking around the kitchen table.

Then they got divorced by doing it counterclockwise. Who could forget it? There you go. Similar, similar. So, in the same vein as my chris pratt travesty i was on 21 jump street and didn't give a fuck about johnny depp anymore and yet when i saw and this was like by this point he wanted off that show didn't he would that this was when he was like lighting his underwear on fire in the middle of set and stuff like that as you will remember no doubt so uh i remember no doubt my one again you're a little younger than me so mike won like my connection with

johnny dapp we were in a scene together and i said to him go ahead sit down that was my big connection with him. And then on a break, we both went to go through the door at the same time and nearly smashed into each other. Wow. And he was like, excuse me. And I was like, excuse me. And I stepped out of the way.

I think he probably still tells that story. Probably. I no longer cared, and yet I felt conflicted because here was Johnny Depp, who I had loved for so long. But also, and I think even more, especially for those Canadian listeners or people who are interested in Canadiana,

you had a role in probably the best Canadian movie ever made. Passchendaele. You have the lead in Passchendaele. Let's talk about it. Because when you think war movie, you think Morgan Brayton. Who should we cast? Who? What movie?

You had a small role in Hardcore Logo. I did have a role in Hardcore Logo. As it goes with Canadian movies, there's very few that you would identify and say, if you're only going to see one canadian film yeah whale music whale music is dave's has been he's got well you would go in his bathroom it's whale music wallpaper and so you know whale music young people fucking

and i can't name a third one men with brooms come on jesus passion now! Jesus! If we learned anything, it's about the magic of Paul Gross. But yeah, you had a role. I did. Well, you go ahead. I did. You owned the house. The flop house. As I remember it, I ran a band house where bands that came through town,

I think the town was Calgary, I think it was supposed to be Vancouver taking place for Calgary, where they would stay. And so the band in Hardcore Logo, the title band, would stay in my band house. And it's so cool

because I remember when I met you and then you told me that and then I went and rented it and then they were like, hey, it was, because you didn't believe me so you were like fuck you i'm worried i'm watching it again when you got a tribute thing like even if people are like i was in a crowd scene i will rent that movie well just in the hopes yeah i'm very suspicious i don't believe anything anybody tells you like

i'll see about that i was really i'm in the midst of reading Slash's autobiography, and he says he was an extra in the movie Sid and Nancy, and now I've got to rent it and watch it again and see if I can find Slash, a young Slash. Does he wear the top hat? Oh, no. Be into it. We'll look for him.

We can. Anyways, yes, I was. It's a fine film. It's, you know, there it is. Fantastic. I don't know. Johnny Depp was not in it. No.

But those are my crushes. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for your openness. You're welcome. Where's your crushes? Are you already done it? So you're not going to do it?

Is that how that works? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've already covered. If you go back several episodes, I think we've done 15. Probably. For me it was probably Alicia Silverstone or Cece Peniston. Oh, enough with the Cece Peniston. Never.

Actually, I had a super... Alicia Silverstone was like... She was an eye-opener. There's no doubt about it. Now she's a bit of an eye-closer because she kind of seems boring. She's vegan. There's no doubt about it. Yeah. Yeah. Now she's a bit of an eye-closer because she kind of seems boring. She's a vegan. She's inspiring.

Yeah. Enough with them. All right? Am I right? You're a veggie. You're not a vegan, though. Mostly, but not entirely. So I cannot justify calling myself a vegan because I sometimes...

You busted out cheese-wise. I give in to the harsh mistress that is cheese. What about leather? Yeah, I've seen you eat some leather. Head-to-toe. Occasionally I wear head-to-toe leather, but otherwise... I've seen you eat a bowl of suede. I don't remember who had a party.

The problem is I'm a wide-footed girl, and so sometimes the only shoes I can find to fit are made of leather. Sure. Speaking of suede, you're a fan of this year's Project Runway. Who isn't? I'll tell you. I don't know. You're not.

But me and Dave are. But not suede, but Blaine, the very tan gentleman. I saw on one of my celebrity blogs that he... He's a barista in Seattle? Nope. Oh, sorry. Well Well, he might be. It's true. But he was

going to some event that was sponsored by a tanning salon and he was the big celebrity draw because he's so tan. Which one? Is he the one that hosted Canada's Next Top Model? No. You don't know. Never mind. You don't know. You sound like an old woman talking.

Whoa, okay. Why is he the one you're the one who's all CC penised it eight times during the podcast let's not cast

old ladiesdom but here's the thing if you live in old lady houses people who live in old lady houses shouldn't throw old lady stones

see that's an example of something that I love and penised in houses right I love penised and houses i love houses entirely made of penis uh here's the thing i that's an example of something i love this whole thing of like nobody's becoming somebody i have a love hate relationship with right what about somebody's becoming nobody's i'm big into that that. I have a hate-love relationship.

What? No, literally. I like when really famous people become like, they're like, I'm done with Hollywood, and then they become lawyers or something like that. I'm fascinated by that. I can get behind that. Mayim Bialik is some kind of biologist or doctor. Yeah, it's true.

You're Mayim Bialik. You're older brothers from the Wonder Years, et cetera. Exactly. But there are times you know for instance last night i watched the new paris hilton uh tv show oh wow my heart literally nearly stopped i punched myself repeatedly in the face in my age however yes yes however stuff like uh buddy tanned blaine becoming now a spokesperson for tanning, I somehow take great joy from that.

Sure. I don't know what that means. Yeah. I also take joy. I don't know. I just, I'm like, good. Take it, make it, do whatever you want. I think I'm running out of steam.

You found your thing. You found your thing that works for you, and good on ya. And yet, Paris Hilton, and I've never... Can't somebody harpoon her? Is that, is that,

is that too severe a way for her to end her story? I think it's not too severe. I think it's time. I have never, when people are like, Paris Hilton should be shot.

I'm like, well now come on, just a second here. And I feel, not protective, but like, relax. Until last night,

where she has a show to find her new best friend. But I don't like... And I hated her. Forever. I don't like that she's now, like, she's put in the seat where she's got to be like the actor of the show. Like, a la the Gene Simmons. Right. Because she can barely pull off Paris Hilton.

But she can't pull off Paris Hilton, the host of a show, Paris Hilton. She can barely pull off her own life. I don't think that she's equipped to suddenly play a version of Paris Hilton that is more Paris Hilton-y than she can actually pull off. But it's less about that than it is about what people will do to be whatever it is. But it's all Finko now, right? Now it's all just like, okay like okay well this is what we're gonna do what's your face doing unlike gene simmons what huh huh we're doing different levels of paris hilton anyways i digress i'm sorry i've taken us off track that's fine i think basketball

morgan do you have anything to plug coming i in the future? You got nothing. Thank you for asking. Is there a website? www.morganbrayton.com. Nice. No, I'm taking a break. I'm taking a break. I'm starting on my life. I am...

Staying indoors. I'm doing a new press kit so that I can send pull quotes to grocery stores. I think you should just steal that quote. The buzz of the 90s. Yeah, why not? I'm not sure. I think Maggie Casella has taken it. Anyhow. She's not listening.

She was like a poor man CC Peniston. I think well, I don't know if it's played out, but it might be yeah I doubt it never

thanks for joining us are we done on our little podcast yeah I think I don't know are you hungry I'm gonna go get some dinner hey bumpers

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