Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 334 - Phil Hanley

Episode Date: August 11, 2014

Phil Hanley returns to talk prison tattoos, morning show dancers, and apartment hunting.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 334 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who gets a D in art, last name Simpson, first name Bart, Mr. Dave Shumka. Is that the Bart man?

That's the Bart man. Yeah. It's not, what was the other one? Deep Deep Trouble? Oh yeah, I forgot about Deep Deep Trouble I was listening to The Simpsons Sing the Blues Like a couple months ago Was the rest of it covers

Or were they all originals? No, they were all originals I can't place a single one of them I think Lisa sings She does something about a saxophone maybe Does she do a saxophone jam? Marge doesn't sing a song, does she? Does the baby?

How do they do a whole album? Yeah, I don't know. I know I had that album. Yeah, me too. And it's streaming online. That's when I listen to it. I'm going to look it up. Sure.

And I'll introduce our guest. Our guest this week, very funny comedian, also the co-host of his own podcast, We Know Nothing, with Nikki Glaser. Our guest today, Mr. Phil Hanley. Hey, Graham and Dave. Hi, Phil. Hey, thanks for coming back. Oh, yeah.

No, I'm excited to be here. This is my fourth time here. Yeah. Is it really? I believe so, yeah. Four-time champ. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm excited to be here. This is my fourth time here. Yeah, is it really? I believe so, yeah. Four-time champ. Yeah. Yeah.

Returning champ. Uniting the titles. Well, thanks for coming. Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. Dave, what are the other tracks on Simpsons Sing the Blues? Track one, Do the Bartman.

Yep. Written by? Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson and Brian Lauren. Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. I had no idea.

Yeah. It's a crazy story. He called the Simpsons. Like he called, you know, whoever was in charge of the Simpsons. Yeah. And said, I want to make like a number one hit for Bart Simpson. Wow. Did it reach number one?

Well, let me look that up now. How did Do the Bart Man go? I haven't heard it in so long. Do the Bart Man. Do the Bart Man. Everybody back and forth and side to side. Yeah. It was about him being a rude dude.

Yeah, he is a rude dude. It went to number 11 in the USA. That's crazy. Track two, School Days, Ring Ring Goes the Bell. Oh, yeah, I remember that. By Chuck Berry. Yeah. As performed by Bart Simpson and Buster Poindexter.

Wow. That was a no-branding duo. Number three, track three, Born Under a Bad Sign. Oh, yeah. Another cover by Homer Simpson featuring B.B. King. Wow. Could you imagine even having the audacity to call B.B. King with that one? He was also doing ads for diabetes at the time, I think.

He doesn't need to prick his finger. Oh, that's true. Moan and Lisa Blues. Yeah, there we go. That's the one. By Lisa, featuring Joe Walsh of the Eagles. Really? And he played slide guitar.

And John Sebastian of The Love and Spoonful on harmonica. Wow. Yeah. This is crazy. Yeah. Like, Deep, Deep Trouble by Matt Groening, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. I can't believe

they got Jazzy Jeff for that one. God Bless This Child. Oh, that must have been the sad jam. Originally by Billie Holiday

by Lisa Simpson and Bleeding Gums Murphy. Wow. Bleeding Gums Murphy. Wow. Bleeding Gums Murphy. He was a character on the show.

He was the guy who played saxophone. Oh really? Yeah. Why Bleeding Gums? Because he never

went to a dentist. Oh okay. Yeah. I mean I don't want to educate you at all on The Simpsons. No I liked

The Simpsons. I didn't know. Is that it? There's more but there's like blues. Blues really had a moment in the 80s and 90s. But it was, like you say,

a guy like B.B. King has been around so long that eventually you're going to be asked to do a jingle for shaving cream, or you're going to have to be doing a song with an animated character at some point yeah maybe i mean he could he could have been a fan that maybe he's a fan yeah maybe probably not no all right i wonder what bb king does all day like he probably eats a lot of ribs he looks like a guy who eats a lot huh his guitarist name's lucille yeah yeah yeah he plays

lucille he uh has diabetes yes diabetes so i guess he takes naps i don't know what does an old man with diabetes do take naps yeah i guess but like he still like does gigs and stuff yeah yeah so does chuck berry that's true doesn't chuck berry go to like a town and then he's like okay i need a band yeah he doesn't travel with a band yeah and he gets paid before he goes on stage in cash in urine yeah well in cash yeah he gets a bag of money and then he goes on but he needs it and then he just leaves and then he just boogies but yeah he just gets like a band well he boogies and then he boogies yeah yeah boogies and boogies so he just shows up in town hoping that whatever, people will know his songs? Yeah.

Well, he invented rock and roll. Yeah, that's true. They have three chords. Wow. What a life. It probably really sucks, but in my head, it sounds fantastic. Yeah. He just rolls in and rolls out.

Yeah. His cousin Marvin is his manager. Yeah. He's the guy who helped him discover his rolls out. Yeah. His cousin Marvin is his manager. Yeah. He's the guy who helped him discover his rock roots. Yeah. When he stole rock and roll from Marty McFly. So, Phil.

Yes. What's new and exciting? What's happened since last we crossed paths here on the podcast? You're living in New York. Yeah. I'm in New York. You're doing comedy. You're traveling around. Every day you go to the

Statue of Liberty. Yeah, I go to the Statue of Liberty. I start my day at the Statue of Liberty. Yeah, I'm in New York. I'm touring. Yeah.

And my podcast that you mentioned earlier. Yeah. And I think that's it. That's it. All right. And that brings us up to speed.

Are you enjoying the touring? You're going around. Yeah, because I was in New York all last year. I was just doing, and that was great just to be in New York and just do the clubs in New York. But yeah, it's been fun because I've always, I'm going to places that I haven't been in the States. Yeah. Which is cool. Well, like you were saying you were in like North Carolina.

I was in Raleigh last weekend. And that, it was weird because it's like a beautiful town and there's trees. It reminded me of a little bit of Vancouver, just in like, especially like this neighborhood. And then I was walking to the club and they have a prison in the middle kind of of the downtown. Or not in the middle of the club. Yeah, in the club, they have a prison. Yeah, it's weird. It was weird.

Weird. Yeah. Like it's in the city. Like you look at it and it looks like the beginning of a lockup episode. Oh, wow. Yeah. Do you watch that? Do you watch a lockup?

I watch it on the road for some reason. I don't know. Do you watch that? Is it the National Geographic one? It's NSNBC. And they have it. They just have marathons all weekend. Yeah, I'm a little bit over it.

But yeah, it's a little bit depressing. But when I first started watching, it's fascinating. Have you seen it, Dave? I have maybe seen like an episode. Oh, okay. Get us up to speed. Yeah, what's going on on Lockup? Lockup.

All right, guys. No, yeah, you just talk. It is. It plays for like eight hours. Yeah, and it's like a reality show inside different prisons or the same prison? Yeah, they go different prisons. Equally depressing. There are some similarities in between them all.

Yeah, is it... Men's and women's prisons? Yeah, yeah. Any co-ed prisons? No. Is it like, yeah, so it's not the same cast of characters. It's not like Real Housewives. No, it goes, what's really depressing is if you're watching it and it's late at night

and you realize you've seen that episode before. But there was one where these guys decided, there was these two dudes decided they were really into tattoos. Sure. That's weird for a prisoner. Yeah, I thought it was... You got to pick a hobby. But they got their, they were tattooing the whites of their eyes.

Whites? Yeah. No, don't do that. Yeah, no, it seemed like a bad idea. Guys don't. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah.

I mean, of course we've all thought about it. Uh-huh. One had... Did they put designs in or just like, let's color it in? Yeah, just color. And it looks so like, you know when you're like a teenager or whatever and you're bored in school and you like color your toes of Chuck Taylors? Yeah. It always just looks like you've taken pen and colored it in.

Yeah. Like you can't hide that. There's no way like, oh, you have Chuck Taylors with blue toes like it's so clearly what happened that's what the whites of their eyes look like one had uh one had blue but it just it's amazing how like there's no denying that someone has colored it in with a pen yeah but why blue and one had red what was behind that just boredom uh yeah i think there think there would be issues with their father. I think dad left. But yeah, just boredom.

They were into tattoos. And they were presenting it like, hey, we invented this. Whereas everyone else... As far as we know, we invented this. We haven't been out of jail for a long time. Yeah, but everyone else was just as we know We invented this We haven't been out of jail For a long time Yeah But it was

But like It was everyone else Was just No one No one was impressed Yeah I don't Yeah I didn't really So yeah there was like

And that was kind of The theme of the one episode They'll do like three stories The one story Is really focusing on The coloring of the eyes What do they use to tattoo? They use

Like they just make These tattoo guns But Out of a gun Yeah Out of a gun. Yeah. Your prison issued gun. Yeah, they didn't show them actually doing it, but yeah, they were using like needles. Oh, sure.

And they were just coloring, I guess there's like layers to the eye or whatever. How do these guys know so much about the eyes? You know what? I think it was just a fluke. They're the windows of the soul. Yeah. Yeah, so that was an episode. I've seen that a couple of times.

Is it one of those things where you're on the road and you're bored and you're like, well, at least I'm not in jail tattooing my eyeballs? There's got to be. Subconsciously, it's got to be some of that. I'm off it. But when I first saw it, it is fascinating. I don't know. I found it really interesting.

And then, you know, I'm in the tattoo culture and stuff yeah you are you're in a lot of hot rod magazines posing with them yeah the uh i remember when i was a teenager like going to 7-eleven and being like when i'm old enough i'm definitely gonna get a playboy but in the meantime let's see what's in these hot rod magazines because there's always a pretty lady on the cover. Yeah, there is always a pretty lady. And then a lot of dudes standing next to their Hot Rods on the inside. Like, ah, well,

I always have the cover. And I've never bought a Playboy as an adult. Well, there's still time yet. Yeah, that's true. I don't think I've ever bought a Playboy either. It's not as an, wait, as an adult? That's what I said.

Oh, yeah. No, not as an adult. Well, I bought a vintage one at a garage sale, like one from the 60s. Oh, yeah? I don't know. Does that count as something classy? I feel at one point Playboy was like, you'd see Woody Allen would do an interview or Steve Martin. I feel at one point you-

Now it's all Greg Kinnear. Yeah, I don't even know who, I don't know. I've never been by a Playboy. I thought, I want to read the interview with that guy. Yeah, they downplay the interviews now. Oh, do they? No, they still do interviews with celebrities. And you'll see them in other magazines or on websites. No, they still do interviews with like celebrities and, you know, you'll see them in other magazines

or on like websites. Oh, okay. Did you catch what Jeffrey Tambor said to Playboy? Yeah, for some reason I like, I don't know, I felt like Playboy, they had the clubs, like you had to be involved somehow with their club or hanging out with hugh hefner in order to be interviewed like you had to be in with them oh right okay like it wasn't just like a magazine it was like you were sort of you had to be cool yeah a little bit counterculture yeah like smothers brothers you remember that too was interviewed in the issue oh really yeah yeah

were they in character uh yeah it was just, Mom loved you best for the whole thing. Do you remember a couple years ago they made that Playboy TV show, just like about the Playboy clubs? Oh, the Dramatization. Yeah, and it was around the same time they did that 60s stewardess TV show. Oh, I remember the 60s stewardess show. Yeah, the Playboy Club one. Those two shows were racing to get canceled.

I don't remember which one got canceled first. I think the Playboy Club one because the first episode, one of the women kills somebody with the heel of her, like her stiletto heel. And then somebody at the club helps her cover it up. And I'm like, this. I saw her in anetto heel. Oh. And then, you know, somebody at the club helps her cover it up and I'm like this. I saw her in an episode of Lock Up. Her character?

Yeah. They did a crossover? Yeah, they did a crossover. Speaking of shows that get canceled, have you guys seen the ads for this new Kelsey Grammer

Martin Lawrence show? Whoa, whoa, whoa, and Martin Lawrence? Martin Lawrence show. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? That is one of those things. I saw it late at night, maybe two nights ago, and then it crossed my mind yesterday afternoon. I was like, did I dream that? It was like an office and like Kelsey Grammer's like, and then Martin Lawrence is all wacky.

Is that right? And it's vaguely racist. Whatever joke is in the commercial is like. Yeah. Yeah, like I think it's vaguely racist, whatever joke is in the commercial. Yeah, I think I was on the phone and just saw it kind of in my peripheral vision. But yeah, they're in a room together. Yeah. Frazier and Martin as Martin. We were talking about it last week that he's in the Expendables 3, Kelsey Grammer.

Really? Yeah, he's making some real weird career decisions. Who would he play? Is he going to be in like a wife beater in The Expendables? No, he's The Expendables psychiatrist Oh, yeah He's a radio guy He helps them deal with all the murders they committed

Has he been in more cancelled TV shows than anyone? Or like For a while, you know know remember Married with Children yeah the guy who played Al Bundy's like buddy who was his neighbor

yes Ted McGinley Ted McGinley he had the he had the record for a long time of being in the most but he would be brought in

like right as like as they were jumping the shark that's how they would know they were getting cancelled he showed up on set yeah it was like yeah it was like getting a pink slip oh no Ted McGinley's here as like as they were jumping the shark that's how they would know they were getting cancelled they showed up on set yeah it was like

yeah it was like getting a pink slip oh no Tim McGinley's here it was like the Grim Reaper of television shows um uh

yeah I don't know Kelsey Grammer like his wife was on the Real Housewives he used to be all of our heroes and now

but when you watched Cheers and you watched Cheers would you think that he was gonna to be the one that would have the spinoff and the great... I would have thought it would have been... What's his name?

Woody. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That would have been my... But that's why I'm not a TV executive. Yeah, but he wasn't like... It wasn't like he was the most loved character on Cheers. But I guess that didn't...

Didn't really matter. Yeah. But they didn't make it... Like, it wasn't... Frasier wasn't for the same audience. No. I guess it may't really matter. But they didn't make it, like it wasn't, Frasier wasn't for the same audience. No. I guess it may be some of it.

Well, my dad watched them both. I watched them both. Yeah, I watched them both as well. Yeah. I guess, like. I have a feeling that it would be like, like you know how no one watches TV anymore or like the numbers, the ratings are down for everything across the board yeah i have a feeling like if you if you looked back you would find out

that fraser was like the the fifth highest rated show of all time yeah it's uh i want to see this martin lawrence uh kelsey yeah you just need to see the commercial. I guess that's it. What was it? It's like an office, I think. Yeah, they're like partners. It might be called partners. It's called partners. It's called partners. That's it. Yes. Oh, good.

Yeah. Oh, wow. It might be called partners. So is it like a law firm? I don't know. I know as little as you do. Yeah. It just sounds like they had a fishbowl with a bunch of names.

Absolutely. And just chuck it up. Okay, it's going to be Kelsey Grammer. yeah that just just like sounds like they had a fishbowl with a bunch of names absolutely and just chuck it up okay it's gonna be kelsey grammar like after after lauren and it's called partners i feel like in the 90s there were after friends was successful there there were a bunch of shows called Amigos and Bouts. Dudes. Now you, Phil, you also host a podcast. I do, yeah. This is a new development. Yeah, pretty new.

Tell us what's it about. Upsell. Okay, Upsell. Here we go. Frasier and Moneyline. It's weird. It's kind of more, initially it was we would take calls and give relationship advice. Okay.

We would call them with problems and we would talk. And Nikki Glaser, the person I deal with, is like, you know, tells really honest. She tells it like it is. But you're like a by the book. Honest. She's like know tells tells really honest and she tells it like it is she tells but you're like i buy the book honest yeah she's like she's really honest and further i'm now it's more um me kind of being a bit of a smart ass and she's still really honest and good good advice we don't get as many calls in uh anya marie who's a musician and she's really good she is uh she's on it like most of the time now too. Ani Marie.

So it's two gals and a dude. Yeah. And sometimes we go in the fat. Our producer sits in sometimes too. We just kind of talk about relationships.

Sounds crowded. And it's in New York. And there's four people. Yeah. And yeah, we just kind of talk about relationships and we try not to

because there's so many comedy podcasts of just comedians talk. So we try to steer talk about relationships. We try not to, because there's so many comedy podcasts of just comedians. So we try to steer away from that. Sure. Or Nikki tries to steer away from that, and I talk about comedy a fair amount. Do you find yourself being good at relationship advice? Yeah, I think so. I've done a good job of being single for a long time.

But the title of the show is what? We Know Nothing. So you don't have to give good advice. No, that's kind of the thing. No, I don't. Yeah, we don't give particularly good advice. Fair enough. I think that's brilliant because we get corrected all the time on this show.

People email us. People take a strange pleasure in telling us we were wrong. But we did call our show We Know Everything. Yeah, that's true. No, but yeah, that's why we called it, because we really don't know. But people will call in and we'll just kind of give our honest opinion of what we think you should do. What's, have you had like a favorite call? Has anyone killed themselves after?

No, a girl called, one of the first episodes, a girl called in and said that her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. How does that happen? Oh, boy. Yeah. Who has the energy? And then every day at 6 o'clock, her and everyone, like her and a bunch of her friends, text pictures of black penises to him. That'll fix them. Yeah.

Wait, was her best friend a black guy no oh okay yeah no there was no yeah the racial thing was just kind of kind of came out of the blue

and and then they put dog shit on his doorstep oh really in a flaming bag or just just straight up dog shit yeah

no they don't light it on fire but it is in a bag I believe and then yeah so she wanted advice. And I was like, well, I mean, it seemed like she had the whole thing covered. Stop doing what you're doing. Yeah, I would. Get a new boyfriend.

Yeah, no, people. And then sometimes people will like. So a lot of it, we're kind of joking around. But then someone will phone in with like a real, like, you know, someone will be like, hey, I'm like 40. I've never had a girlfriend. What do you think I should do? Good. Yeah.

And you have to say, stop doing standup comedy. Wow. It's pretty interesting though. Cause you can like, I find like relationship stuff. It's like when you do relationship stuff on stage, people are engaged because everyone's kind of interested or whatever. And Anya does online dating. I've never done that.

So she has like stories about that. Never? No, I've never done that. No. I feel weird. Have you done that? I've done it.

Really? Yeah. Is it weird? Yeah. I mean, it's as weird as regular dating. Yeah. Cause in this is,

I feel like I looked on a site. I looked on like, I don't know, one of like the match.com or whatever. And you look at the pictures and then you're just clicking on who you're attracted to. And I thought, oh, that feels so weird. But then in real life, you just do that anyway. Yeah.

Right. Well, that's what I do on any like, I'm married. But if someone has an interesting picture and they want to be my friend on Facebook or they follow me on Twitter twitter i'm like oh who's this person yeah yeah yeah that's true it's really just about choosing the right picture for you that's true yeah i i don't know yeah i've never i've never done it but yeah so she has like stories about that um yeah people seem to be entertained yeah well that's great it's um's, um, would you ever online date? Oh, a deep breath. No, I don't know.

I would feel kind of like. You were a little late to the internet, weren't you? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, last week. No, yeah, really. I'm not, I'm not a big fan of it. It's because I'm dyslexic, so I can't't spell like, it's just not a good medium for me. Right.

Yeah. But, uh, yeah. So there'd be that too. There'd be a lot of like the initial messages back and forth. There'd be spelling errors. So many messages.

Yeah. And I feel like they would think that they were being catfished by an eight year old who has bad phonics skills. Yeah. That would be, that would be, I'd get a lot of, does your mommy know you're using their computer?

So yeah, it's not a good but I don't I get I don't know which weird is Tinder have you ever been on Tinder

yep that freaks me out because it's just it's like a big key party isn't it like isn't it just a sex thing yep

it strikes me everybody puts their phone in a bowl well it's based on Grind grinder yeah which is the the gay one i have been on grinder oh yeah they eat you up yeah um uh but i feel like that is like unabashedly a sex one that's how i feel and but tinder i think is like because there are women involved it's like well maybe they're trying to behave i don't know i feel like and i obviously you know i'm uh i'm uh uh a man and a gentleman yeah yeah we'd like to copulate but uh

i don't spell copulate is there a number eight in there an emoji of a policeman. The letter U. I could use it as a bit name. I feel like, yeah, it's just too obvious what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, after every drink, you're like, so are we going to fuck her?

I don't know. It feels too, I couldn't do that. I think that it's, yeah, it's a, it's an attempt to be like Grindr, but men and women. What, where would you say men are from?

Yeah. If I had to pick, what, like a planet or some kind of celebrity? Men are from Michigan. Women are from Vermont.

Hmm. Um, I was watching a, a TV show about men are from Venus. Women are from Venus, men are from Mars. Yep. The other order.

Totally agree. And it was all about like the lasting power of this book and like why it's still as true today as it was 15 years ago. Yeah. It could have been called men are dogs, women are cats. The reason men leave is, oh, the reason women leave is because they don't feel loved. The reason men leave is because they don't feel needed.

So just give a man a task. Yeah, give a man a task. And he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to task. I feel like 15 years ago, if anyone said they met online, you were like,

you're a weirdo. Yeah. Like any couple, you're like, what, what, who, look at these desperate jerks.

People are still bashful though. Cause I'll ask, I just, I just, I just, I feel like every time I'm on the show, I've just gone through a breakup, but I just,

I had a girlfriend and we were no longer together. But so I'll just kind of, cause I'm working on new kind of material about that, that I've been talking to the audience a lot. And also that's a big part of my act. Yeah. You're very good at it. Oh, thank you, Graham.

And so. That's from both of us. Oh, Dave, you shouldn't have. People are still bashful. Like if I'm like, oh, where did you meet? And then they look at each other like, should we tell them or what? You know, we met online. It's weird, like, that people meet not online.

Like, because online seems very efficient. And you put, like, these are the things I like. Yeah. It seems like uh crazy that people meet any other way you know what i mean yeah like it does seem like it would work i yeah i don't know i just maybe i will at some point i just don't i don't know my friend did not one of the more like intensive ones uh not like plenty of fish or whatever, but one where you had to like pay. Oh, what's the one they do commercials for with the old man?

Yeah, the old dude. Like Kelsey Grammar? Yeah. And he finds Martin Lawrence. It's not match.com. No. eHarmony? eHarmony, eHarmony.

Yes, good work. Partners. Yeah, it's called Partners. You have to, this is what my friend told me, that you have to respond to everybody who sends you a message. Even if you're not interested, you have to respond and say. Beat it.

Get out of here, poor eyes. Cut and paste the lyrics to beat it. Or eat it, if that's all it's named. Or eat it If that's all it's aimed at Yeah So you have to You have to Say

Why Why you are not interested You have to go It becomes a roast Get a little Rickles on her No but seriously You're alright Dear Hockey Puck

You're so ugly How ugly am I? Dear hockey puck Yeah so I don't know Yeah it's I don't know It's not a thing

That I would say Is for everyone But I'm the same I'm like How would you meet Anybody otherwise? Yeah Just gonna walk around

The city? Yeah Just hope you run Into somebody, how would you meet anybody otherwise? Yeah. Just going to walk around the city? Yeah. Just hope you run into somebody? Just like talk to a stranger? Yeah. When has that ever gone right? I guess people meet through friends or like they have a group of friends and they meet a new person. I've started meeting people.

How did you meet the last person you date? I brought, you know, you know, that thing that I did, you know my clothes are where, and I did it the first time on a new show. You bring somebody up on stage. I brought her on stage. And then, uh, we, afterwards. And they read a script. They read a script. And you play a part and they play a part.

They play a part. Yeah. And then afterwards, uh, I saw her and asked her and her friends for a drink. And then, um. See, that's very organic. Yeah. That was fairly organic. The funny thing about that though

was cause I do that and people are always like oh you must meet so many girls and I never had met anyone that way and I had done it for like a year or something and then I met

my last girlfriend like that huh I wonder if magicians meet girls yeah you know and they bring people up and they

cut them in half yeah take a 20 or steal a 20 nasty hypnotist nasty hypnotist Nasty hypnotist Most definitely Yeah Cause they can keep

The girl hypnotized Yeah Which is a crime At shows I know some people do I never had done that But now I've started Doing that a little bit more

Yeah Yeah depending I think Yeah I don't Yeah I've met a couple Girls like that No It's not a

You know Not bringing them on stage But after the show If you're just getting chatting Do you know like Who Used to Who is, but after the show, if you're just getting chatting. Do you know, like, who used to, who is it that we were talking about used to do that? Like the manager would pick out, like, or was it Bruce Springsteen? Chuck Berry?

Maybe Chuck Berry. I don't know. Some musician that would like pick out somebody. Yeah, I think that was common. And they would bring certain people backstage. Oh, it was Common the Rapper. Yeah, it was Common the Rapper, yeah. But like, that's, oh, maybe it was Metallica. Like Metallica would just like look out at the audience and be like, that person and that person and that person.

Yeah, sounds like Motley Crue maybe. Oh yeah, Motley Crue, definitely. For some reason, Metallica has a story where they were like all in a shower together with groupies. And I was like, do you guys not know that that's weird? Yeah. You guys shower as a band? Their therapist was there as well. He was showering.

Snapping everybody's pants. His pants were off, but he was wearing one of those Cosby sweaters. He had some outrageous sweaters. Yeah. Some coojies. Wasn't that weird? I think we talked about that documentary last time I was on the show. I talk about it every week.

Oh, do you? Yeah. Because wasn't it weird when they had to break up with their therapist? Yeah. And it was just really- Like he was hanging out too much. Yeah, it was really uncomfortable. And he didn't want to go?

No. Would you? No. He was like- All of a sudden you were in on the ground floor of a new Metallica? I re-watched that a few months ago. Love it. There's another one.

Yeah, but no, their new movie? Yeah. That's not a documentary. What is that? It's an action film. It's a... They're like the new expense. They filmed it here.

Or they filmed at least the concert part here. Yeah. At Rogers Arena. And it is a... There's like a plot to it. Like it's a guy and a girl maybe getting to a concert. They gotta get them to the Greek. And they gotta, you know,

fight their way to see Metallica. But you saw that first Metallica movie. Do you recognize these microphones? Oh, really? Yeah, buddy. These are the same brand microphones as Metallica? You didn't believe it. Oh, okay. How do you feel now? Yeah, buddy. These are the same brand microphones as Metallica? Yeah. You can't believe it. Oh, okay.

How do you feel now? I feel good. I feel like I need to talk to a guy in a Go Cosmos sweater. Maybe your lifestyle determines your death style? Was that a lyric? Yeah, that was it. Well, they were coming up with lyrics together. Very much in the picking lyrics out of a fishbowl.

Yeah, they were. And then they filmed that video in a prison. Uh-huh. In lockup. Yeah, in lockup. Episode of lockup. Oh, man. I bet you there was like...

Metallica's coming? Yeah. I'm going to try like... Metallica's coming? Yeah. Oh, can you... I'm going to try and stab Metallica. Oh, wow. Yeah, how do they... Have you ever watched... What's the other prison show where they bring the kids on Skirt Straight?

Oh, yeah, yeah, Skirt Straight. Do you think that that's like a real... Like, you got to behave well to be the person that gets to go yell at the kids. Like, that's an incentive program. Oh, that's for a prisoner? Yeah. Like, you know. You made the most license plates this month.

Yeah. You get to yell at a child. You get to go yell at a kid. Yeah. Beyond Scared Straight. That's what it is. Oh, yeah. Is that a full TV show?

I always felt like that was, isn't that just like episodes of like Jenny Jones? Yeah, they'd have like a drill sergeant on. No, they now have a full TV show. Oh, really. Is that a full TV show? I always felt like that was, isn't that just like episodes of like Jenny Jones? Yeah, they'd have like a drill sergeant on. No, they now have a full TV show. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, cool. And they would bring in a- There's Cousy Grammar in it.

And it's canceled. They bring in a group. There's always one kid that won't back down because he's seen the show. He's like Tom Petty. He won't back down. But he knows that the guy's not going to kill him. Like he knows that they're not allowed to do that. Yeah, and there's a crew, like there's a camera

there. Yeah. So it's not like If they kill me, they can't put this episode out and then everyone loses a lot of money. But yeah, anyways, there's these kids I don't know what they think I don't know what they think They're in for

The ones that get super upset They're like You knew you were gonna get yelled at By prisoners Yeah Like so why are you so Surprised and upset Well maybe they didn't

Maybe they were like Hey get on this bus With a Look at all these Kids These dangerous kids Yeah Look at all these cool kids

Yeah we're forming a gang We're probably gonna go form some kind of cool band. We're going to be the next Linkin Park. But yeah, it's the kids that don't back down that I'm most impressed with. Yeah. You should get your own show, kid, next week. I love that. When there's a reality show that gets a spinoff.

Yeah. Like Honey Boo Boo. You just got to be a reality show that gets a spinoff. Yeah. Like Honey Boo Boo. You just got to be outrageous enough. You know, that one kid. There's a spinoff from Honey Boo Boo? No, Honey Boo Boo was a spinoff of like Toddlers and Tiaras. Oh, really? Yeah.

Okay. I've never watched Honey Boo Boo. She was a pageant girl. Oh, okay. But she like didn't adhere to. She didn't play by her own rules. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the key thing when reality television. You don't go there didn't conform. She played by her own rules. Yeah. Yeah. That's the key thing when reality television. You don't go there to make friends. You play by your own rules. Yeah. Wasn't that, who's that lady who had the talk show, Brenda? She was a housewife. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't think her name's Brenda.

No, it's not. It's Gwendolyn. Welcome to Brenda. Shh. She was Gwendolyn. Welcome to Brenda. That's a word that as a dyslexic, you cannot, because it's like a name. It's like Bridiana or something. Yeah. Brenan? Brenan?

I started, it was coming out banana and I stopped. Burkett? Charcoal Burquette? Oh, yeah, it was Kingsford. Get the Kingsford edge. Bethany. Bethany. Yeah, we did it.

There you go. But she misspelled it, too. Yeah. Like it wasn't Bethany. It was Bethany. Two N's, three I's. misspelled it too Yeah Like it wasn't Bethany It was Bethany Two N's Three I's Dave what's going on

With you man Oh not a heck of a lot Do you remember A few weeks ago Or I guess A few months ago At this point We started

Locking our door At night Or like closing Our bedroom door And keeping the dog inside So he couldn't get out And pee in the carpet. And then he would wake me up at like four in the morning

and I would have the most boring dreams. Oh, yeah, yeah. I would wake up a lot more in the middle of the night having had dreams about receipts and stuff like that. Wasn't there one that you had a dream that your travel agent was retiring? Yes. Wow. That sounds like

an episode of Partners. Well, do you have a travel agent, Dave? My dad uses a travel agent. Okay. Sometimes he'll be like, hey, why don't you use

some of my points and talk to my lady? And I'm like, yes, sir. It sounds like your dad and I are on the same internet schedule as a travel agent. I had another boring yes, sir. Yeah. It sounds like your dad and I are on the same internet schedule.

I had another boring dream this week. Oh, sweet. Oh, nice. I had a dream that Abby, instead of buying, by the way, this isn't even for my food. We give the dog chicken and rice every night for dinner. Just plain rice and plain chicken. It looks good man um and i had a dream that uh abby bought uh short grain rice instead of long grain rice oh man wow do you do you wake yourself up with your own snores

yeah like that's what keeps me dreaming it's like i'm so bored about my own dream yeah like in your dream you fall asleep you go into a triple yeah triple dream pass out in my dream how did you react to the rice in the dream um uh indifferently i think probably like oh oh yeah it's for the dog never mind it's fine what is uh a stupid question But what is the difference Between the rices I think short grain rice Is what they use in like

Sushi Oh okay And long grain rice Is what you would eat As rice Which one's more like a cat Which one's more like a dog Short grain rice is from Venus

Yeah okay I get it Long grain Vermont But the other thing Last week I went to the dentist Um, short grain rice is from Venus. Yeah. Okay. I get it. Long grain. I get it. Vermont. Um, but the other thing, uh, last week I went to the dentist and, uh, my dentist has. Are you sure this wasn't a dream? Sounds like one of your dreams. That's pretty boring, Dave.

My dentist has a TV in the ceiling. Oh yeah. Uh, which, uh, I always feel weird because they're like, Hey, do you, uh, all right. Welcome. Do you want to watch TV? And I'm like, yep. Yeah. they're like Hey do you Alright welcome Do you want to watch TV And I'm like Yep Yeah

Which is like Always Do you want to not talk to me Yeah Do you want to not Communicate And it was Nine in the morning

And The Kelly Ripa Michael Strahan Live with Kelly and Michael Was on Yeah That's a trait.

That's shot where you're living. Yes, it is. Have you ever gone? No, I have not. Have you gone to any live tapings as an audience member? No. A friend did Letterman a couple weeks ago, and I went to that, but I didn't even get to go in the audience.

Oh, you were in backstage? I was in the green room, yeah. How was that? It was still exciting. It was still exciting. Darn right it was. Yeah. What kind of fruit platter do they have for you?

Yeah, they did. I had some cubed melon. Really? Yeah. Nice. Cubic melon. Yeah. They were also the musical guests.

Yeah, it was good. I was excited. Yeah. Ed Sullivan Theater. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Well, so I was watching this, and they do this thing where they spin a wheel every day, and they call someone up,

and someone has to answer a question about the previous day's episode. Oh, God. And so, and they win a prize somewhere. And then while they're spinning the wheel, there's someone in the audience wearing a bikini or a bathing suit and dancing.

And they just pick someone And they make them put on a bikini? I guess they know ahead of time and they bring their own bikini. It'd be funny if there was just one bikini. It's all soiled. Put on the bikini. Put on this filthy bikini. It's all soiled you put on the bikini it's filthy bikini it's all soiled why is it soiled

and it's like the dumbest but it's the most unnecessary thing no one would miss it if it disappeared sounds pretty sexist to vote well no sometimes they're gonna say sexy oh yeah well absolutely that's implied with uh michael and kelly sometimes sometimes they have a man. I thought you were going to say sexy. Oh, yeah, well, absolutely. That's implied with Michael and Kelly. Sometimes they'll have a man, but, you know, who, it's a viewer. Yeah.

So, like, most of their viewers are women. I'm sorry, ladies, I said it. So somebody shows up to the studio audience wearing a bikini? I'm going to have to

dance in a bikini on National. Is it a, they're not skilled dancers, right? No. Oh, wow, this sounds humiliating. This does sound humiliating this does make it a scared straight that would really that would i'd change my life i mean they can be skilled dancers they're just not professional dancers like they're

like you or i you are skilled skilled dancers but women like dancing more than i do i do i does um so yeah there's always like a woman uh you know, between 20 and 40 years old. Sure. Dancing. Dancing for four seconds on the screen while a wheel is spun. In a bikini. That seems so, that seems a little over the top. That seems like something on like when they're like, check out this crazy European game show.

Yeah. They get like a civilian to wear a bathing suit and dance in a crowd. Or do a sexy car wash. We got a pitch on our hands, boys. Kelsey Grammer available to host. I'll get them on the phone. So they've been doing this for years. And I don't know if this is a permanent change they've made or if it was a one-time thing.

if this is a permanent change they've made or if it was a one-time thing. But the episode that I saw while I was at the dentist, they call up the person, they spin the wheel, confetti comes down, and then they went remotely to someone's balcony.

And it was a guy dancing on his balcony in New Jersey with New York in the background. Yeah. So I don't know if they now send out a crew to have a guy dance, a different guy every day dancing for four seconds. What's he wearing? He was wearing like shorts and a button up shirt. Oh, okay.

Because it's not. A bikini, huh? Well, he was just at his house. Yeah, I guess. He wasn't in a studio audience Yeah Where you would wear a bikini Where you would

Soil bikini Worry about tan lines The filthy bikini The filthy bikini Oh, man This is Because when you started Telling the story

I have seen this I don't think I've seen it Since Michael has been on Right But I remember They used to do a thing Where it was like The game show

Similar such But they would go Behind a screen And they would have flashing lights and stuff. So the woman from the audience could dance clumsily, but you couldn't really tell because it was like kind of a psychedelic thing. They do mix it up. But then they would like, they'd meet her afterwards. And our dancer today was Susan Fudgelbutt. But they did it in a way where I remember seeing, I'm like, oh, that's nice.

Like you cannot look like a bad dancer there because it was lots of lights and bubbles or something like that. So I don't know, but I might have made up the bubble part. They do have confetti, and so the hosts will take their note cards and put them over their cups of coffee so confetti doesn't get in.

That's my favorite part of the show. But this seems cruel, just raw light in a bathing... It seems really humiliating. But I, like... But no one's being forced to do it. Yeah. Which is kind of worse when you think about it. Yeah, because that is revealing...

That's a real kind of... Trying to fill a gap. It's... Anytime anyone is asked to do it, like, hey, would you like to dance? You can choose any of our uh soiled bikinis we have two i'm sure i'm sure the answer is like you know what life is short yeah i'll do it i wonder if that guy in new jersey knew that he had to dance or that he thought he was going

to be interviewed or something in the last second well we're not doing the interview just that um okay i guess i wanted to talk about the middle east but okay i'll dance yeah sure We're not doing the interview. Just dance. Okay, I guess. I wanted to talk about the Middle East, but okay, I'll dance. Yeah, sure. They brought on an expert. Henry Kissinger. That strikes me as humiliating. Yeah.

Daytime television. That's because you're not a great dancer. That's because you're not a great dancer. Daytime television seems like a good place for humiliation. Like it's, you know. No one's watching. No one will remember. Yeah.

Only your friends. Only your friends. Only your friends' moms. And kids who are sick. Yeah. And the unemployed. Because what else? There's Ellen and they always dance. More dancing. Yeah. Does Dr. Phil dance? He should. Yeah. And the unemployed. Because what else? There's Ellen and they always dance. More dancing.

Yeah. Does Dr. Phil dance? He should. Yeah, he comes out and does a square dance. He does some square dance calling. There's the view, the chew, the talk. Which one's the talk? The talk is Darlene from Roseanne.

Yep. Julie Chen. Sure. Where's she from? I don't know. I think she's married to the executive. Oh, okay. Sharon Osbourne.

Yeah. Oh, wow. That was what I was going to say. The View only- They must do some bikini dancing on that show. The View only has Whoopi Goldberg at this point. She's the only one? And Rosie O'Donnell.

She's back? Yeah, she's back, baby. Oh, great. Yeah. And then TV's really doing it. They're bringing back all your old faves from the 90s. All your favorite comedians. It should just be, they should bring back Joy Behar, get Paula Poundstone.

Mm-hmm. To be like. Too many shoulder pets. It should be the Mount Rushmore of early 90s lady comedian. Is Joy Behar still on it? No, she's gone. What's she doing? She had her own show, but then I don't know what happened.

Do you see her around New York? She was on CNN. No. Yeah, she did have her own show on CNN. My parents watched it. We enjoy that, Joy Behar. You said that with pride. Yeah.

They were into it. No, I've never seen her. No? No, I've never seen her. She doesn't work the clubs? No, but I feel like I've heard I think I feel like I've heard stories And I heard she was really nice

Yeah Why wouldn't she be Yeah She's Joy Behar She's the best part of The View Yeah When she was on it Yeah

Before Rosie O'Donnell She had Joy's Comedy Corner Oh I don't think I've ever watched Were you ever on that On The View No I never I was trying to do

Were your parents upset That you were never on that Mid morning spot No Have you ever had to Work on my late morning set Have you ever had to do a morning spot. Were your parents upset that you were never on that? Mid-morning spot. No. Have you ever had to do a morning set? I've done, no. I was asked to in the last few months, though, and it just sounded so bad.

They were like, do you want to do some show to promote something? I was like, yeah, totally. But I thought it was just like panel or whatever. And then they were like, yeah, so just like three minutes of clean material. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to go. minutes of like clean material and I'm like yeah I'm not gonna go good for you yeah I'm not gonna do a morning but uh

wear this bikini yeah what's your favorite song and then we'll just get you to gab with the weatherman just kinda just riff I'd gab with the weatherman

yeah that'd be fun standing in front of the green screen I would like to stand in front of the green screen yeah well see you could ask to do your set in front of the green screen i would like to stand in front of the green screen yeah well see you could ask to do your set in front of a green screen yep blew your opportunity

uh i haven't watched daytime tv in years you're cable free at the moment i am cable free and uh loving every minute of it um i yeah i mean sure i watch the view on netflix but yeah i watch yeah on Netflix. Yeah, I watch The View on Netflix a good complete choice. At the end of the week, I watch five hours straight of The View. From five years ago. Right, yeah.

Oh boy, that was when they really hit their stride. Have you seen the one where Hugh Jackman's on? Well, have you seen the one where Hugh Jackman's on? I tried to watch the latest Wolverine movie. Good? Too good?

Too good to watch all of it. Yeah. I had to turn it off. You have it in bite-sized portions. I don't understand uh okay this is just because he he recovers from damage right yeah wolverine yeah so there's a scene right at the very beginning of the movie where he like saves a guy's life from an atomic bomb he like goes on top of him and he gets all burnt up but then he like like, regenerates.

Does he kiss the guy while they're... Yeah, they definitely... Well, he touches him in all sorts of weird ways, but the guy doesn't mind. He's being safe. He's on top of him, yeah. And Wolverine's hair grows back to the exact same size. And then...

So he can't have a haircut? No. But then later on in the movie... He can't wear a hat either, funny enough. He's got long hair, but I was like, how does his hair know what to regrow to? Good question.

Like, because what if he got a haircut and his body was confused and regrew it to the longer hair? That'd be a great prank. Barber prank. Anyways, that was how boring the movie was

that I was thinking about Wolverine's hair and how it grew. What's going on with you? I'm getting, Anyways, that was how boring the movie was that I was thinking about Wolverine's hair. How it grew. What's going on with you? I'm getting our house that I'm living in has been sold. Oh, really? So we're all getting the bums rush. Oh, no. I know.

I feel like this is a blessing in disguise, though. Well, we'll see where I land. That's the other end of it uh at the end of september wow that's just around the corner i know and i oh looking for a place is the worst oh it's the worst it's the worst because it's a huge waste of time that's the thing is because uh much like uh seeking out a relationship yeah the most of the places you see are like these as is not going to work for various reasons. Uh-huh. And then you have to, then at the end, when you find a place, then you have to move, which is also the worst.

Yeah. So I'm getting, you know, getting in the mode. Oh, yeah, it's bad. It's a weird, because then you have to decide like, okay, what can I live with? And what can I live without? And you're like, do I need laundry in the place? Does it need to be close to the place? Not even like the stuff you'll bring with you.

Oh, that's a whole other. Okay. That's a whole other chapter. Are you looking to move on your own or with a person? I don't know. There's five of us in this house and it's hard to imagine.

You can't keep five together. It's going to be tough. It's going to, yeah. Well, no, it's impossible. Yeah, I would say it's almost impossible. Do you want to keep all five together?

We're a good gang. You know, we play in a band and we travel around the country and solve the crimes. Yeah, they're a good group. But yeah, I don't know that it's going to be possible to find. No, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't. I wouldn't even aim for that. Yeah. No? You know what? You should. Oh, start making deals. Form your own alliance.

Yeah. Pick your favorite one or two people. And then be like, hey, let's go out on our own. Leave these two dill wads together. Play by your own rules. Yeah, yeah. That's true. I didn't. Yeah, that's true. I didn't,

yeah, that's true. I didn't move into that house to make friends, but it happened. Yeah. It happened naturally. Um, so yeah,

I've been looking on, man, I started looking on Craigslist yesterday. Craig is a jerk. He is such a dick. Yeah, yeah, he is.

Cause, uh, like I looked at a couple of places and, uh, it was one place where I was where I was like, they must have, it was so small in the description that the pictures, they had three pictures. And I was like, that person must have had to stand in one spot and take, like, kind of a panoramic and then slice it into three pictures. Right. Because it's so, I was like, I can see the lamp from the previous picture in the corner of this next picture.

Oh, wow. And $850 a month for a shared bathroom. Shared with who? With the floor. With the photographer from the pictures. Old shutter bug. Yeah. And then you're like, can I do, I can't live like that. old shutterbug yeah I feel like and then you're like

can I do I can't live like that no you have to have your yeah you gotta limits yeah you know

cause that's like living in a hostel yeah yeah that's a lot of the places advertised no kitchen a lot of places

I like that great way to lose weight no kitchen comes with a skimimming rope and some weights. Yeah. You know, one of them said, a lot of our tenants bring in a microwave or a hot plate. What the? You're not.

You're not like, it's not a halfway house. Yeah. You're not moving into some kind of group home. Yeah. Yeah. But like, I put like a, you know, a reasonable search criteria. Yeah. What came back was unreasonable.

Oof. Yeah. You're a man in your 30s. You can't live like that. No, it sucks. I know. This isn't, you're too old for a hot plate. Yeah.

You're too good for a hot plate. You're too good for a hot plate. Yeah, thanks. Thanks, guys. You're my hot plate. So, yeah, it's going to be, the search is on. And it's going to be, you know, unrewarding and unfulfilling. Maybe you might get lucky, though, and you might.

Maybe. Yeah. This could be the one. Yeah. The last nine haven't, this will be my 10th move since. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my Lord. I know.

How many times have you moved since you were in new york uh uh well when i because i would first move and i would sublet a place for a few months right and then but subletting maybe that's yeah that's not a bad way to find because you don't want to then he just buys you some time why is airbnb for years yeah years. I'm looking for a place for years. But it needs to be furnished. Yeah. You have Netflix? I want the lease to be a day-to-day.

Yeah. Day-to-day lease. Commitment problems. See, that's, and signing a lease, too, is like, that's a real drag. Yeah. Because they're all at least a year. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know if I want to spend a year in this dump.

And they're always a dump. In this scenario, it's always a dump. Yeah, I don't know if I want, do I want to live in an apartment building? Probably not. I don't love you. An apartment building is great. You get to smell the onions that someone cooked. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody's smoking some pot one evening. You get that. You know, whatever argument and or sex is happening in the apartment next door. Or both. Argument sex. Are you kidding me? I support Palestine.

But yeah, this city's got some wild standards of what constitutes an apartment. New York is insane. Is it? Oh, God. It's bottom of the barrel of standards for what? Yeah. What's the craziest that you saw? I mean, shared bathroom is just standard.

Or people move into a place, and I have friends that have done this. You move into a one-bedroom friends That have done this You move into a one bedroom And then you just build a wall You get someone Who doesn't know How to build a wall To build a wall And then you

And then two people Live there But I had a friend I was moving out Of a place In Brooklyn And my friend was like

Just come and check out We have like Our biggest room Is available You might want to check it out And they had taken Whoever owned the building Or whoever owned the apartment I could see would be pissed because they just put in multiple walls. There was like five people living there. The final apartment, they were like, yeah, it's a loft.

So you go up these stairs and the ceiling was like, I'm not exaggerating. Maybe, I don't even think it was four feet. was like i'm not exactly maybe i don't even think it was four feet like it was like you had to crawl and they had a little dresser and a bed and it was like a large space but there was like it was like a cubby hole that someone put a bed into and he was just and yeah it was crazy like could you imagine living in that was everything it's not like just your loft bed but it was like your whole room yeah was like that being john malkovich situation. It was so bad. Half the floor. Yeah, and then you were above like the kind of the TV area. And yeah, it was crazy.

The steam from anything you're cooking goes directly into the van. Yeah, it was above the kitchen. It was above the kitchen and the TV area. And then they just had all these rooms. And some of the rooms, the door was like, it was like a closet door. Like your bedroom door was just one of those like slidey. A lot of those Japanese screens that sexy ladies

getting changed behind them or Regis and Kelly dancers dancing behind them yeah that was that was yeah that was bad

I went to a friend's house they lived in Queens maybe and they had my eyes are getting weary. My back is getting tight.

There was at least six people living in a studio. Oh. And so they had like... Like a recording studio? Yeah. Yeah, they were a band. Yeah, okay. It was the Partridge family.

But they built their own loft, similar to what you were saying like yeah kind of just made a thing kind of like a giant bunk bed and uh so there was like two people lived up there and like two people lived in this area two people i was just so it was so crazy after high school i moved i was staying uh in new york for a little bit who Who didn't? And I... You were modeling? I stayed... I was doing things there. But the living situation, I paid $100.

It was in a loft bed. I had a loft bed to myself. Underneath was a married couple. Okay, fun. Cool. An 18-year-old boy. They were honeymomooning there yeah just a little shit living above them and uh i was this was brief i was actually i was just kind of staying with my friend lived in the my friend lived in the the living room but i stayed and at one point the

married couple i don't know if it was just to get my friend back had a friend move in from california like i was just kind of staying there for a little bit. They actually moved in. And I had to share the loft bed with a girl that I had never met. You had to share the bed? Yeah. Every 18-year-old boy's nightmare. Who are you?

Yeah. Wow. We never made love No No we were just friends We actually got along We were quite good friends Our friendship blossomed

Yeah Yeah Something had to Man It's Yeah You know It's

Yeah I don't I wouldn't I don't know I don't know where I'm gonna end up Alright You're probably sharing a bed with a Yeah probably sharing a bed

With a stranger With a Californian Yeah Yeah, probably sharing a bed with a stranger. With a Californian. Yeah. Hey. I hear something about those California girls. I wish. But, yeah, that's all that's new. And you're feeling stressed?

Yeah, well, I just. It's stressful because then you're just like, I got to take all of my stuff that's indoors. I got to take it outdoors for a while. Like all my indoor stuff has to be indoors in the world. Yeah. And drive it around town. And then also you like have to do like an inventory where you're like, do I need all this stuff?

You strike me as someone who has a lot of like interesting. I got a lot of bric-a-brac. Yeah, a lot of interesting garbage. Yeah, I do. I have a lot of like interesting uh i got a lot of bric-a-brac yeah a lot of interesting garbage yeah i do i have a lot of interesting garbage like the other day i realized i had a box that was all just hilarious hats and i don't need that you know i don't know how hilarious what was like there's a space helmet and a darth vader oh cool that the helmet part of a darth vader yeah that's a good look you barely see him with just the helmet part of a Darth Vader mask. That's a good look. You barely see him with just the helmet part.

You don't see him with his face. He's just chilling, right? Yeah. Casual Friday on the Death Star. Drinking a juice box. Yeah. And then just... Darth Vader with a Capri Sun.

I've got a Wolverine mask and I've got a Thor helmet. Oh, cool. Yeah, this is all just stuff I've acquired over the last, since I've moved into this place. This isn't old stuff. This is an old hat. No, no. Yeah. So I've got, you know, I got to get rid of that.

I got to offload my hilarious hats. Just throw them away. What if they fall into the wrong hands? Don't think too hard about it. What if they fall into the wrong hands don't think too hard about it what if they fall into the wrong heads um but where am i gonna you know am i gonna yeah donation bin that kind of stuff uh like yeah the darth vader hat i think yeah sure for kids in need to see see some guy downtown wearing it hey i think that might have been yeah i made a difference today i kept the guy's head dry uh yeah i got all sorts of crazy crap that i gotta i guess i gotta offload yeah uh so that

and that's not a pleasant process as anybody who's gone through their junk and like yeah gotten rid of it Graham I gotta tell you it's heavy man I got a piece so bad how much longer are you gonna talk about hats I was pretty much done I was just looking for an out let's move on to over oh can we everybody already knows about my brother my brother and me and advice show for the looking for an out. Let's move on to Overhearts. Oh, can we? Everybody already knows about my brother and my brother and me and the advice show

for the Modular Era every Monday on the Maximum Fun Network. So we're trying to up our profile with a summer concert series to reinvigorate interest. First up, a Journey cover band. You booked Destination? I did.

I booked Destination for $80. Don't miss the headliner. An indignant Rusted Root that refuses to play Sammy on my way. Also, Shakira. And so much more every Monday. Also, we'll do the advice and stuff, the old classics. But then stick around for Gordon Lightfoot as he sends you away to Psalm Story Paradise. I'm Biz.. I'm Biz.

And I'm Teresa. And we host a comedy podcast about parenting where we remind you that despite what the internet says, No one really cares what kind of parent you are. One bad mother. We're the friends with kids you want to hang out with. Check us out on iTunes and MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which the people of Earth go out into Earth

and hear the craziest things and report them back to us here at Stop Podcasting Yourself. We always like to start with the guest. Okay. And Phil, you said that you're loaded. You live in New York. Yeah. It's the home of the overheard. It's these close quarters,

living in a hammock above a married couple. Yeah. No, and I honestly could only retrieve one because my organization skills aren't great. But I would say once. Would you say you're like a golden receiver, like an air bud? Once a week, I get an overheard and I get pumped and I picture myself in the studio here. Yeah.

That's the way you got to do it. Visualization. Delivering it. Delivering it. But okay, so there is a bar in my neighborhood called the Cubby Hole. It's a predominantly lesbian bar. Oh, cool. And anyway, so I was walking home one night and I was passing.

Sorry to interrupt. Yeah. Is that a euphemism, the Cubby Hole? Is there like a. Oh yeah, maybe. Yeah. I, uh, yeah. You know what? I'm not up on my eu maybe Yeah Yeah You know what

I'm not up on my euphemisms You know what I will say You could name A gay bar anything And then you can Kind of like Oh I think

I wonder if that's like Wait wait The pump jack See if you can read Anything into that Yeah The blowjob Yeah

The leather daddy The two guys kissing Yeah Daddies Same It's just a two guys kissing Yeah Daddies Same set It's just a bar called daddies Daddies yeah I'm trying to think

There was a gay bar in England Called the Iron Bar And even that Yeah No but iron and bar That should not But after you think about it You're like oh that sounds like

Yeah Gay Oh you bet I'm getting turned on Just hearing about it Go on You were in the cubby hole So I'm getting turned on just hearing about it. Go on. You're in the cubbyhole.

So I'm at the cubbyhole. No, so I was walking past the cubbyhole, and these two girls were walking past me, and they just walked out of the cubbyhole, and they were engaged in conversation. They were clearly talking about a person they just met at the cubbyhole, and the one girl said, she definitely licked my face a little bit when I was talking to her. That's something you would notice.

Most definitely. I was getting a vibe from her. Yeah. She was a golden retriever. Yeah. Speaking of which, did you know that the dog on Full House is the same dog from Air Bud? No. Yep. No. Fact. No. Did you know that the dog On Full House Is the same dog

From Air Bud No Yep No Fact No I should know that I should know that

I did not know that You should know that I should know that For reasons For reasons Is that a secret thing No What

You wrote Yeah I wrote For the Air Buddies Yeah Now the Air Buddies Were talking dogs right thanks to me yeah because but air bud didn't he never talked no but air bud i thought it was someone sent in a video to like america's funniest home videos and it was the dog who could play

basketball and that's who got the movie thing not the dog from full house i've i heard is that true the dog i didn't know that i knew it was bob saget related either way um dave do you have an overheard here's what i have um oh yeah no i do it's an overseen and you've actually seen it because I posted it on my Instagram. I follow you now, Dave. Oh, great. So you've both seen it. Do you have a dog?

You guys are fun. It was someone's Hyundai. On the side of their Hyundai, they had put a tribute to uh late actor paul walker oh oh wow and uh it uh just in very tasteful small writing by their rear rear left wheel it says paul walker 1973 to 2013 dude i almost had you which i assume is a line from a Paul Walker movie. Yeah, I guess. From The Man Knight at Cubby Hole. Dude, I almost had you. It seems like a weird, it wasn't even like a souped up Fast and Furious car. Yeah.

It was just like, you know, a reasonably probably fast sedan. The person who put that decal on it would beg to differ about the souped up part. Was it a decal or was it painted right on? It was. Picture it in whiteout. It was. No, it was like those decal letters. Ah.

You know, and like, well done. Not like some afterthought. Yeah. Some psychopath. Yeah. Not like those like dollar store letters you put on your mailbox um but that would look sharp but it didn't even have you know how those fast and furious cars they're all you can see the motor from the outside yeah they're vulgar um and they have like those lights underneath

yeah yeah yeah this didn't have that it looked normal. You wrote a caption on the picture that was really good. The sad and serious. Yeah. Too sad to be serious. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. At what point do you, when you have a vehicle, because I think the last time I was talking about my friend who painted his car using house paint.

Yeah. talking about my friend who painted his car using house paint yeah is this a current friend is he in your speed dial oh okay wow that is a sharp look um when do you decide that a car is like you're just gonna expendable yeah it's gonna be just a novelty i'm gonna stick stickers all over it or you know the weirdest is when you see bumper stickers on like a new bmw yeah like something that costs upwards of fifty thousand dollars and you've decided nah you know what i really do like 311 the bumper sticker should just say devalued yeah what color did he paint it uh it was like kind of like a like a house like i think it was like a yellow oh you know i was thinking that yeah did he like with a paintbrush yeah and uh roller it was so that's sharp yeah i wonder why he went that

color uh because i think that was the paint that he had. Oh, okay. And he just did up the car, and it was, it was, or I feel like it was a Toyota, maybe. Anyways, there was one time, there was, for some reason, our school had a day where, like, everybody could, like, park their cars and, like, show them off. Yeah. Right? It was like a car show day or whatever uh-huh and so there were kids at our school that had like really fancy cars and so like it was the day to like whatever like show your crazy sound system or

whatever right and there was one kid that he had just like, you know, just like a regular car. And he made a spoiler with wood. And made fake rims with cardboard. Was he trying to be cool or was he like making fun of him? He was trying to be hilarious. Oh, okay. He was making fun of him. Yeah.

And then he made a license plate that said, thank you, daddy. Oh, that's very funny. Yeah, it was pretty good. And he had his crazy cassette player cranked up. Right. Just treble. Just four cars in a row playing Zyreka by the flaming whip. It'd be funny if he had a a recording of like a race car, like revving, like really like.

There was a car that a guy used to live, I think across the street from me. And it was just this old, like maybe early eighties, brown Toyota, but he had painted on it like a firebird, but just with a can of white spray paint. Like it was a really good job like it was

but it wasn't it wasn't the firebird from a firebird but it was a really good job of just pretty good fire with a with a with a white can of spray paint it was uh it was my favorite thing did you guys have custom vans in your hometown when you were growing up? Oh, we mostly had the checker kind, the slip-ons. Do you mean like the airbrushed? Like the, I remember, yeah, like airbrushed. Conan the Barbarian-esque kind of stuff or wizard stuff. Yeah, in fact, I remember seeing one. I remember driving in Calgary and seeing one at like a, like for sale in the last five years.

Yeah, I'd say they were a fairly regular occurrence in Calgary. We had a, when I was a kid, we had a Rolling Stones one. Whoa. Which was really like. Wait, what do you mean we had? We, like as a, as a society, as a community, we had a Rolling Stones one and we had a Jesus one. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Jesus on the cross covered the whole side of the van. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, you owe it to yourself if you have a panel van. Oh, wow. Yeah, Jesus on the cross. Covered the whole side of the van. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. You owe it to yourself if you have a panel van. Yeah. You know, with no windows on the side,

it's true. Some kind of space scape. Oh, totally. Space scape would be nice. A warrior, an old-timey warrior in outer space is a good mix. Yeah. Some kind of science fiction fantasy,

sci-fi fantasy. Oh, like a polar bear, like a lady. There'd be a lot of, like, there's a lot of chrome bikinis. Yeah. On animals. Basically, yeah, the video game Golden Axe. Also, a lot of those were on, like, midway rides at the Stampede. I'm sure it's the same at the P&E.

They would have, like, a woman riding a tiger. Yeah. With a sword. And then, you know, the ride is just the thing that spins around. It's funny that at some point, I feel like people thought of those. There was no irony involved. It was just like, my favorite things are tigers and ladies. Buy no tigers.

But if Paul Walker had died in the 80s, people would just have paintings of him on the side of their cars. Yeah. Instead of just a taste paintings of them on the side of their cars. Yeah. Instead of just a tasteful tribute. Uh-huh. Near the wheel. Near the wheel well. Graham, do you have an overheard?

I have an overseen. What? You know how the supermarket, they have all the tabloids up near the checkout. Cash register? Because women can't help themselves. all the tabloids up near the check cash register because women can't help themselves um this was i think it was the national inquirer i'm just looking it up no it was the globe sorry it was the globe and it was uh the headline on it was beach beauties and beasts and uh you know there was a picture of some young starlet at the beach and then the beast was paul servino age 75 and you know what for a for a fat 75 year old guy he just looks like a fat 75

yeah yeah he doesn't look i speaking of normal honey boo boo i saw one of those ones that was honey boo boo's mother sure and but like with her face blurred out like you know it's her she's the only famous lady who looks like that yeah and that's what she looks like and it's fine yeah and it's fine because that's it's not like she's she's not you know an actress playing yeah she's not a fitness expert yeah exactly also it would be horrifying if she had her face on some like, beautiful beach body. You'd be like, what the hell? Yeah.

How did that happen? But yeah, Paul Sorvino. Paul Sorvino. He's fine. He's fine. He's been famous as a fat man his whole career. He was in Goodfellas. Yeah.

He cut that- Cut the garlic with the razor blade? Yeah. It's got to be one of the greatest food scenes in movies. Yeah. Is that at the end when they're making the sauce? No. It's got to be one of the greatest food scenes in movies. Yeah. Is that at the end when they're making the sauce? No, it's when they're in prison. Oh, right.

Okay. He's scaring some kids straight with his garlic. With his cooking skills. Yeah, what do you call it? They call it gravy. Yeah. They call the sauce gravy. Stir the gravy.

Yeah, I remember that kid had to stir the sauce the whole time. Oh, man. What a gravy. Yeah. They call the sauce gravy. Yeah, stir the gravy. Yeah, I remember that kid had to stir the sauce the whole time. Oh, man. What a scene. Yeah. Would you say that's the best sauce-related sequence in films? I mean, I watched a sauce supercut earlier. All your favorite sauce scenes from movies. My mind is racing trying to think of another sauce scene.

If you, listener, if you can think of a sauce scene, keep it to yourself. I feel like there might have been one in fried green tomatoes. Oh, sure, yeah. Or maybe mystic pizza. Mystic pizza sauce? Yeah, they might have made a good sauce in that. Or boxing Helena.

Do the right thing. There could have been a good sauce in that. Or boxing Helena. Do the right thing. There could have been a great sauce scene. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, what was that one where. With racial undertones. With Tony Shalhoub. Oh, is that Big Night? Yeah.

No, the one with Sarah Michelle Gellar, where a crab makes her, crab grants her a wish and she like puts magic in her cooking and makes a guy fall in love via, I feel like there's probably some sauce. Yeah.

Do you know the movie I'm talking about, guys? I know the movie you're talking about. I couldn't tell. Is it Freddie Prinze or did she just marry him independent of that?

It might have been Freddie Prinze. Yeah. Senior. Oh, really? It's an old movie. But like, great. We also have Overheard sent in to us by email.

If you want to do the same, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from somebody named Lindy in Vancouver. That's an old-timey name, Lindy. I like that. It's like the hop. She's maybe named after Charles Lindbergh. Oh, maybe she's the Lindbergh baby. Oh, yeah, probably.

Nope. Lindbergh baby's dead. Oh, really? I'm pretty sure. Oh, no. According to Netflix, which keeps suggesting who killed the Lindbergh baby. Oh, I thought that it was, oh, I thought it was like still up for grabs. Oh, like Anastasia?

Or what was that guy? Who's the guy that jumped out of the plane that they were like, whatever happened to that guy? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. They found him. They did find him? Yeah. That was amazing what he did.

If we're talking about the same guy. We gotta be. Yeah. Didn't he rob a bank he robbed a bank dave really where was he dave i don't know but i know he's mentioned in the last place he looked he's mentioned in a kid rock song all right um i believe sounds like one of your dreams that sarah michelle geller movie was called simply irresistible and the man was Sean Patrick Flannery, who you know as a young Indiana Jones. I do.

Oh, really? You bet. You bet. But now what am I looking up? Nothing. What were we just talking about two minutes ago? Lindbergh babies. Oh, yeah.

I wanted to hear about the robbery. I'm going to just Google the lyrics to Ba-Wit-Da-Ba by Kid Rock. Did that happen in Canada, that robbery thing? Yeah, I think. It's like he jumped out of a plane somewhere either in BC or the Pacific North. Okay. Oh, Sasquatch. It was Sasquatch.

It was Sasquatch. I don't know where I saw it. I felt like it was a Canadian production that I watched. Oh, you would know. Yeah. Oh, you would. It was hobos in it. All hobo cast. Was it D.B. Cooper? Yeah, you would know. Yeah. Oh, you would. It has hobos in it. All hobo cats.

Was it D.B. Cooper? Yeah, D.B. Cooper. Yeah. From The Cutting Edge. I didn't know this was that common knowledge about that guy. That he...

The whole story about how he robbed the plane and jumped out. Yeah. Did he do it twice? Is this the man you're looking for? I believe that is the man.

It's got a famous... He's one of the specials. Yeah, that's him. Drawing of him wearing sunglasses. Where were we? Oh, yes. Overhearts. This is from Lindy in Vancouver.

I was in the bank, and they have silent TVs with closed captions that you can watch while you're in line. It was some news show, and I was staring at it. I forget the context, but I think they were talking about Premier Christy Clark. This line really stood out to me. We're wondering why she's spending $140,000 on a pork baseball. Baseball park, probably. That's what it meant to say, but, you know, somebody got excited. A pork baseball?

Yeah. A little pork baseball. Guys, I'm really intrigued by this D.B. Cooper. Uh-huh. D.B. Cooper is a media epithet popularly used to refer to an unidentified man who hijacked a Boeing 727 aircraft in the airspace between Portland and Seattle in 1971 and extorted $200,000 in ransom and parachuted to an uncertain fate.

Yeah. How did he get the money? You just ask nicely for it. But how did they deliver it to him? Look, I don't know. I can't. Think about that. Wasn't the money on the plane?

That's what I, yeah, maybe. How do you extort money on a plane? Yeah, it's hard. Someone had, maybe it was like a, I don't know. In my head, I thought he just went on, and this doesn't make sense, but I thought he just went on the plane, robbed everybody. Like a train robber. Like at the end of Pulp Fiction.

Yeah, and then jumped out. But he could only really get like 250 bucks or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it would be high stakes. High stakes. They say in this Wikipedia thing, 1971. Yeah. High stakes. High stakes. They say in this Wikipedia thing, 1971, they say $200,000 back then is the equivalent of $1.1 million today. I wish I had that much money.

I wish I had either amount. Whenever I read a history book and they mention money in it, I always have to do math. Yeah. Because at a certain point, they'll get tired of adjusting it for today's race. Yeah. Because at a certain point, they'll get tired of adjusting it for today's race. Yeah. My dad has the uncanny skill of being able to, with confidence, say how much that money would be today. Really?

Yeah. I've asked him since I was a kid. Dad, what would 75 bucks be? Are you sure you're just not gullible? Might be gullible. But he does it with such confidence and conviction. I believe him. What was there as a good line in the sketch show I saw Peter and Chris do that takes place in the Old West? They're like, this land's worth $6 million, which in Old West money is a lot of money.

This next one comes from Matthew K., also from Vancouver. But this was when he was in Victoria. This is like 15 inches is like a kind of 15 inches up a pole in victoria it's just a little sign that sounds like a gay bar yeah uh with no other reference that i could see and it just said it just says uh try Irish stew. And there's no like arrow. Yeah. Or. Just, it's just from the.

Just try it. Just want to put that out there. Just from the stew council. Yeah. The stew council. We, yeah, we would represent mixed potatoes and meats. Yeah. Or maybe throw some lamb in there.

I don't know. Try, what have you thought about trying Irish stew? That's our stew of the month We got a sign out On this post Yeah It is It is getting buzz It's viral marketing

Yeah Hashtag Stew Is there a less sexy food Than stew No Yeah It's got to sit there all day

Yeah Yeah It's It's from sit there all day yeah yeah it's guys from ireland the most oppressing country it's uh it's a verb that you use like when you're really angry about something you're sitting there stewing yeah it's just full of stuff falling apart yeah and it is just kind of like where you put junk uh other meals. It's vomit looking like. It's like vomit. Yeah. Tasty though. You got to admit.

It's a treat. Yeah. Sticks to your ribs. Yeah. This last one comes from Henrik L. Henrik? Henrik? Heinrik?

Probably Henrik. Yeah. I don't drop a lot of H's, but when I do, then, et cetera. I just heard this on the bus here in Gothenburg. Germany? Sweden. Okay. Yachty buddy.

From two guys in their early 20s. Guy one, so do you have a job lined up for the summer? Guy two, no, I don't, but I might do like an app. That's cool. Yeah. That's an option an option now yeah you can just make an app oh boy not having a job i like when i was in in high school i'd be like oh yeah this summer i'm gonna get a job no one ever hired a 15 year old yeah yeah well you know in the on tv people always had jobs but i don't know anyone who had a job. Everybody in Calgary worked at the Calgary Stampede. Oh, okay.

Did you do that? Yeah. Was it fun? It wasn't fun, but it was like- Would you get bombed? It was, you did so long of work days, you could do two months worth of work in one month. What would you do like what would your job be i worked uh for their catering division so i like drove a truck okay

you know it was stacked ribs did a lot of stacking of ribs in the fridge oh okay yeah and like jenga yeah yeah individual ribs not on box. For the rib jenga that was part of the stampede. Yeah, it was a lot of like putting together a pallet of something and putting it on a truck, taking a pallet or something off of a truck, etc. Yeah. And, but everybody, they were like, if you're young, you worked as an usher or you worked as like a gate person. No, you never got a job as a cowboy only the lucky only the top one percent bull rider made it into the next level 13 year old bull rider they had kids who used to ride a sheep yeah that's fun yeah in a helmet yeah in a hockey helmet

i don't know what they call mutton mutton busters really that's what they're called Muttonbusters. Really? That's what they were called? Muttonbusters? Yeah, it was muttonbusting. Can't be mad at that. That also sounds like a gay bar. Muttonbusters.

It's the gay version of Dave and Busters. Who are you going to call? Oh, that would be good. A gay bar that's like basketball and skeeball. Gay basketball, gay skeeball. In addition to overheards that are written in, some people also call us with their overheards. You want to call us?

206-339-8328. That's the phone number. Okay. Do it. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Pat from New York. I was listening to a Yankee game. And anyone who's ever listened to a Yankee game knows that John Sterling, the commentator, is an absolute cartoon character.

He was describing why, despite that it was a day game, the lights might go on. And he said, well, you know, the sky is pretty gray today. You know, oatmeal or gunmetal gray. Yes. Words that everyone uses. Oatmeal gray. Yeah. Gunmetal gray, I hear.

I've heard gunmetal gray. I've never heard oatmeal gray. Gunmetal gray, I've never heard. Gunmetal gray. Charcoal. Charcoal, sure. Like a slate gray these are um like catalog colors yeah i didn't know gunmetal gray was that sounds bad oatmeal is more of a beige yeah it's at the two ends of the badass spectrum oatmeal on one end and gunmetal gray gunmetal gray is like a sort of a sort of a matte gray. Yeah, almost like a slate.

Yeah, like a slate, like a matte slate. How far away from oatmeal are we talking? We're talking far, many breakfast cereal. It's far from porridge. I'm just going to start using all, yeah, it's going to like a. It's like a yogurt. It's like a crunch berry red. That's true yeah I mean there

are literally all the colors of the rainbow in one box of cereal yeah that's lucky charms yeah like a yeah that's like a cloak what was it purple purple hearts they're all war awards war awards

uh what was the latest remember there was the new one? What was the latest? Remember, there was the regular Lucky Charms. And then at one point they came out with a new one. Well, we did a pub quiz at MaxFunCon this year, and that was one of the questions. Oh, really? And I don't remember. They had red balloons and purple diamonds. Purple diamonds.

They had a rainbow, which they had in special limited edition ones celebrating pride. Oh, really? Yeah. They're a very forward-thinking cereal. General Mills. Yeah. General Mills himself was a homosexual. Yeah.

Is that true? Captain Crunch, he doesn't believe in gay marriage. Here's the next phone call. General Mills is in a purse. Yeah. That was like the first gay in the military. Hey, Dave Graham,

Impossible Guest. This is Chris from Springfield, Illinois. I'm calling in with an overseen. It's the graffiti the modified graffiti category. I was in the bathroom of a home improvement store, and someone had carved into the wall,

White Power Worldwide, kind of in a column going down. And then someone else had carved next to Power Ranger so it now read White Power World White Power Ranger. Fuck. I'll try again. Bye. The part where you screw it up is the best.

You never got around to fixing that. The uh what? Yeah I guess I guess racism still has a real toehold and bathroom graffiti. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it does. Yeah. Racism, sexism still thrives.

Oh yeah. Because no one knows. It's a completely anonymous. Yeah, that's true. Unless, unless you sign, you know, because you're a braggart. I was doing a show at the night of gay pride in new york and i you know it was uh it was in the greenwich village yeah where like the heart of the parade is sure and i said to that's where 15 inches up a pole yeah that's where central perk is i asked uh i asked a woman uh she just

wasn't laughing and i just started talking to her and i was like hey did you enjoy the gay pride parade and her response was i wish there was a white pride parade. Ah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And she's not a fan of yours. Did you ever win her over? She finally, no. You want to win her over.

No, I think I'm good. I think I'm good. Outside of the obvious racist connotationation a white pride parade what would that what would that have what would be the most celebrated riding mowers would that be the celebrated float irish stew would be they're just throwing stew out into the crowd just with a ladle Flinging stew at kids Yeah the stew fling Yay the stew float's coming

Yeah it would be great Like the I'm really mad at those white supremacists For ruining white pride It used to be a family holiday Yeah look how lame we are Yeah Yeah

Lawn chairs Look how few teeth we have Why do we have so few teeth? Yeah, we're white No, because it generally don't I associate the white pride movement now With meth consumption Oh, yeah, absolutely

But maybe that's just from watching Sons of Anarchy Yeah Because all the racist skinheads make meth on that show But do they do meth? You don't get high on your own supply I think they partake Yeah, I don't know I think they partake

Yeah, first rule of drug dealing. No, first rule is be yourself. Yeah, sure. If they don't like your drugs, they're not really your friends anymore. Here's your final overheard. Hello, hello,

hello, everybody. I'm calling with an overseen-ish. My friend recently got a concussion at work. And when she was at the hospital, the report said, got hit with rot, denies pregnancy. That's what she said. Thanks, guys.

Bye. Oh, I like a good one of those I missed the I've never heard A sexy pronunciation Of the word Concussion before Yeah So I got all aroused

And what was the whole thing And then I heard Rod Which sounded sexy Hit with Rod Denies pregnancy That's what she said That's what she said Damn

That was That was very much sounded like somebody like she'd just woken up yeah phone sex maybe it was a dream yeah it sounded like a phone sex operator didn't it i don't know phil yeah does it take my word um yeah wasn't that a sultry voice it was yeah absolutely okay there's no way that a pillow Wasn't near that phone Yeah That was somebody

Who'd just woken up Uh huh Was wearing you know Like a chiffon I picture chiffon Yeah Those you know Poofy slippers

And Sure Silk sheets Uh huh Heart shaped bed Satin sheets are very romantic Yeah yeah yeah Satin

That's what I meant Have you ever slept on satin sheets? Never. You? No, sir. I had a friend buy some once. Yeah? Too afraid to unopen it?

Wouldn't you like slip off them? Just wake up at the foot of the bed. Yeah, always. Where would I encounter satin In everyday life Roller derby at the roller rink Right I don't know

I think so the satin jackets Yeah Oh yeah okay satin jackets I feel like the satin would be like on the trim Of a baby blanket So a whole sheet made out of that Yeah I've seen them he had them They're shiny right Yeah shiny they were black and shiny Wow Of a You know A baby blanket Yeah So a whole sheet Made out of that Yeah I've seen them

He had them They're shiny right Yeah shiny They were black and shiny Wow Yeah Oh man oh man I don't think they would

Improve your sexual performance No They couldn't hurt No Well it could hurt Yeah I feel like There could be some burning Don't you think you'd get burns

I don't know I have corduroy sheets Yeah Oh they're making headlines. They're practical. Well, the pillows are. Pretty good. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode.

Phil, you must have things to plug. You've got your podcast. Yeah, please listen to my podcast, We Know Nothing. And can I plug my Twitter handle? Yep. I have the least Twitter followers of anyone I know. Okay. It's Phil M. Hanley.

It's at Phil M. Hanley. Yeah, people know. Oh, do they know? I don't think they do. The M stands for? Manly. Phil Manly. Manly.

My middle name. No. Margaret. If people decide to follow you on Twitter, say hi to Phil. Say, hey, Phil, loves you on the podcast. Yeah, please do. That'd be nice. And then can I plug a date?

Yeah. I'm in Des Moines, Iowa on September 3rd to the 6th. Cool. At the Funny Bone in Des Moines, Iowa. Have you ever been to Iowa? No, and I've never played to Funny Bone. This is my first Funny Bone gig. Well, is that a chain of clubs? Yeah, it's a chain. I hear good things.

Nice. What's Iowa famous for? Boy. Football? Yeah, sure. Is that a corn state? Is that a Buckeye state? Oh, I think it is. I think it is a Buckeye state. I will have some corn while you're there. Yeah, I think it is. I think it is a Buckeye state. I will have some corn for you.

I think it is because isn't that the Iowa Buckeyes? Isn't that the college? Yeah, what's a Buckeye? It's another emblem as an eagle, like a bird. Yeah, it's a million dollars in today's. Yeah. Oh, sure, a Buckeye is? Yeah.

Do we have anything to plug? When's this coming out? I think in about a week Oh this is your last chance to vote for us In the Canadian Comedy Awards So do that Yeah go over to canadiancomedy.ca Register

Give them your name Give them your postal code Give them your email address Then vote for us in a category A category Something audio something. Yeah. We'll learn it one of these days.

Well, too late now. Yeah, it's true. Also, I will be in Winnipeg. Okay. At the Rumors Comedy Club. Whatever weekend follows the release of this podcast, I think. You think? Yeah.

The 6th through the something. Really? Because this comes out before the 6th. Okay, yeah. Yeah, for sure. This comes out on the 11th. Oh, this comes out after I'm already back. Oh, well, I hope you enjoyed it.

And if you like the podcast, why don't you head over to MaximumFun.org and check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week. Pictures and videos that relate to this episode of the podcast. Maybe. Hopefully the trailer for that TV show Partners. Oh, yeah, absolutely. The grammar. The grammar Martin.

Martin Joint. Whatever elsemar Martins. The Grammar Martins. Martins joint. Whatever else we talked about. Yeah. Maybe someone dancing live with Michael and Kelly. Kelly and Michael. Yeah. I'd like to see that, the bikini dancing. Uh-huh.

And if you like the show, please do tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported