Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 335 - Jane Stanton

Episode Date: August 18, 2014

Jane Stanton returns to talk birthdays, the relentless curse of summer, and dance clubs.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 335 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's drinking a classy glass of rosé, Mr. Dave Shumka. Hello boys, how are you? Ben you woof!

You're tellement rose! Pitch perfect. Yeah, I'm drinking that pink drink. What is... It's just red and white mixed together, right? Putting them in the same bottle. Bottle of red, bottle of white. Is that Billy Joel?

You know what it is? Delicious? Yeah, that's what it is. That's better than getting me to explain what it is. Because I don't know. Yeah. It's what it is. That's better than getting me to explain what it is. Because I don't know. Yeah. It's some sort of grape. Yeah.

It's the tastiest looking wine. Yeah, that's true. It looks like a cream soda. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The Canadian kind. Yeah, yeah. Delicious pink cream soda.

Now. Whoa. Go ahead. Oh, okay. Our guest today, returning guest, favorite guest, Miss Jane Stanton. Hello. Yeah. Hello.

Welcome back. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Yeah. Get to know us. You're also drinking a rosé

Yeah Delicious How's your French? Bonjour And oompa I don't even think that's correct Oompa? What's a little?

Oompa? Oompa Oompa I went to the Wizard of Oz Wait No Willy Wonka Is it? Munchkins was wizard You went to the Wizard of Oz. Wait. No. Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka. Yeah. Is it? Munchkins was Wizard of Oz. Oh, no. Oh, no. Off to a bad start. Hi, Jane. How are you?

Welcome aboard. I'm great. Just had a birthday. Mm-hmm. The big six. Oh. 40. 40.

Yes. I can't believe you're 40. Neither can I. How does it feel? Okay now. Yeah. We didn't feel good at first. I was like, okay, going towards it a couple months.

Everyone's like, it's not good. I'm like, what's going to happen? Who was telling you not good? People I thought were my friends. Right, yeah. They were trying to spook you out. Yeah. And I was in Edmonton for my birthday.

Well, they've got that mall. They do. But it's no big deal. Your birthday? Just another day. Dave, how old are you? 36? No.

33. I hate you. I look terrible, though. you 36 no but it's like what I remember when I turned 30 and I was like I'm old. And I look 36. I know. You went for an audition today. For a thing. Yeah, we're not going to talk about that, but was there an age range on it that you had to play? It's usually 30. Oh, really?

I just did my face like I'm shocked. Don't see the wrinkles. You don't have wrinkles. No. You don't. I don't. You don't. You're making a hilarious face. Yeah, you won't stop making this face. No. You don't. I don't. You don't. You're making

a hilarious face. Yeah, you won't stop making this face. Here. It's the pictures that got small. Now, what did you, did you do anything special because it's a big birthday? No. Nothing? I was doing shows in Edmonton and then I was working for

my brother. Right. And that's like 100 hours in a week. So just like your birthday came and went, nothing? Yeah, nothing. Did you get like a cupcake with some guy put his lighter on it? With extra gluten in it. Yeah. When I was growing up, 40 felt very adult.

Very old. Not very old. No, it did. I'm going to be honest. Yeah? You should be Dave, too. It felt old. Like, when people were like, I'm 40, I'm like, oh, God.

I just thought of it as, like, it was, that was the adults. Yeah. You were 40, then you were, like, full-fledged, like, you probably owned a house. This is everything I don't have. That's You were 40. Then you were like full-fledged like you probably owned a house. There's everything I don't have. That's it too. You probably

own a house. You got a husband. You have kids. I'm like no, no, no. And I have a car that's a Kia Rio.

And it gets you and everyone's like oh that's a good car. Your car's a Kia Rio? Kia Rio. Oh Kia Rio. Okay. It was a Kia Rio.

Like from the Far East. It's a Kia Rio. Okay. I thought you said it was a curio. Like from the Far East. Yeah. I got it shipped in. It's just a conversation piece. Yeah, because now, like as an adult, I see a child and I'm like, I don't know if that child is six months old or seven years old. Like in that range. Six months old or seven years old. Like in that range.

But when I was a kid, like I don't know if that growing up is 30 or 1,000. Yeah, it's all the same. But when you're like, think when you were 20, someone's like, oh, that person's 40. You're like, oh, God, why are they even out? They should probably be in bed. That's what I would think. Once you get into double your age, right? Then you're like, okay. But not personally.

No. You can't be both your age and double your age. That's true. No, if you're 20 and you're talking to somebody who's 40, like that's a full, isn't that almost a generation? 20, 25 years a generation, something like that? I don't know. There's a gap there. Sure.

The gap that you went to when you were a kid was all... Your boot cut jeans. Yeah. Or the one they went to. Was, uh, didn't exist. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't a chain yet. I remember when Gap was just becoming a chain.

Crazy. I don't know if I do. I only know it because my friend's dad, that was like what he did for a living. He built the gaps wherever they opened up. He was like the guy who built the gaps. He just changed the sign at the mall. Well, no, you couldn't

just change the sign if it was like a frozen yogurt place before you have to put in shelves and stuff. A lot of the sweaters still would dispense yogurt so um now what is middle-aged is that 40 it depends when you die they back time it i thought it was when i was younger 40 and now i feel like it's 50 i I think 45. Middle age? Anything but middle age.

42. Okay, good. I don't know. I don't know what middle age means anymore because it used to be like, I don't know. I just feel like there was a section in the card store for birthdays and then a section for 40th birthday. And then like 100. Those were the only notable birthdays. Maybe 18, 16. Yeah, 16.

For girls. At what age do you get to where the birthday cards are about your birthday cake being a fire hazard? Oh, yeah. Like at what age? 40. Okay. Yeah. 40's it?

Yeah. 40's the like jokey birthday present year. Put like flamingos on your lawn or whatever. Lordy, lordy. Janie's 40. There was Yeah. 40's the jokey birthday present year. Put flamingos on your lawn or whatever. Lordy, lordy, Janie's 40. There was nothing. Nothing? Nothing. You didn't get any wacky?

I wish I had. My sister's like, we're probably doing a surprise party. I'm like, then why are you telling me? And then I get getting asked by my friends. They're like, oh, are you coming for dinner? And I'm like, oh, I can't. They're like, you should come. And I'm like, I should go.

And a couple people phoned and then I showed up and it was those two people asking me. I'm like, oh. You're like, I never wanted to go to dinner with you guys. There's four different parties that I went to and everyone's like, oh, your birthday is like right before. There's like two days. And everyone's like, oh, probably the same thing. And I'm like, maybe, maybe it's a surprise. And I came in, they're like, happy birthday, not to change. I'm like maybe maybe it's a surprise and I came in they're like happy birthday not to change so there was uh that was my imagination thinking there was going to be a big party I feel like when people have parties it's weird for when you're turning 30 they use the

term dirty 30 a lot I don't what does that mean oh you're supposed to, you know, this is where you go do a lot of yard work. You really get a green thumb. I don't know what that means because. Have you heard it before? Yeah, definitely. That was a thing. Like, that was your dirty 30s. I'm like, I don't know.

My 20s were plenty filthy. Yeah, I don't, yeah, I don't know. I don't get. Here's one thing that I think that happens is no matter what age you are, you'll do something stupid. And then somebody will tell you, that's like something you would do in the previous set of decade. Like that's something you would do in your 20s. If you did something stupid in your 30s, 40s onward. Well, then you feel like an idiot, though, if someone said that to me. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

No, you look so young doing it. Oh, that's something you would have done in your 30s. Oh, okay, good one. Good one. So you didn't have a party. No, I didn't want one, though. No, it just came and went. Yeah.

So whatever. Yeah. So now you're, yeah, big deal, right? Right. Big deal. Who cares? Yeah. But you did get a tattoo.

I did. You guys had two? I did, Dave. A tattoo. Was it your first? Yes. I got three. You got three?

I did. Three at once? Tiny, yes. Crazy. A threesome. I guess a foursome because you were there too. Yeah. You also the tattoo artist. Okay, yeah.

This is turning into an orgy. So what tattoo did you get? Did you take it from? What do you think I got? Dolphin. Gecko. Those are the worst. What do I think you got?

Oh, boy. Let's see. What do I know about Jane? Oh, boy. Let's see. What do I know about Jane? Freckles? Yeah. So she got... Red hair. Yeah, red hair.

Oh, Pippi Longstocking. Yeah. She's an actress. Maybe she got those comedy and tragedy masks. I just start crying. I did. Let's see. What do I know about Jane

she drives a Kia Rio I don't know enough about you Jane your dog no is that a microphone no there's guys who do that mostly guys no no no I'd be like okay it's on my wrist Is it a microphone? No. There's guys who do that. Mostly guys.

No, no, no, no. I'd be like, okay, test seat, it's on my wrist. What's the purpose of it? Can I ask you where you got these three? Here. And are the three related? Two, one, under here. They're under your wrist?

Oh, they're under your wrist. I thought you were pointing at your knuckles, and I was like, there are no tattoos. Oh, they're under your fingers. It's in my finger. Here, here. Oh, a music note? No. Mustache?

No. Your initials? Real. Your initials? No. So you don't forget? The word breathe? Oh, left and right?

What if I did do that? Live each moment like it's your last. Oh, I'm all out of fingers. Is it words? No. Why can't... I'm out of fingers. Is it words? No. Why can't... I'm good. Yeah.

Let's see. So it's got to be super tiny. These two are smaller. Yeah. This is fun. It is words. It's not words. It's drawings.

I'm dyslexic. That spelling would have been awful. But not like... They're tiny though, right? Yeah. So it couldn't be big drawings. It would be like stick men. Yeah, is it stick men?

Yes. Sure it's not a dolphin. It's a dolphin. Is it something tribal? It's a dolphin with a tribal tattoo going into a rainbow. Is it a Chinese character? Japanese. Like Raymond Chan?

You could have just seen it too. No, oh really? Damn it. Right there. Oh boy. One day we'll make you tell us. Okay, fine. Well, give us a hint.

No, you're never going to get it. Well then, what are we even doing? Oh, it's invoke. Oh yeah. That's it. My love. What is yeah. That's it. My love. What is it? Let's see.

It's a white arrow. Oh, weird. Oh, okay. That's not that. Weird. So does it glow in a black light? No. Just when I go to clubs, yeah.

I've never seen just a white. And that's because you want the white race to rise up? Pretty much, yeah. It's in my blog. So, but it's two arrows, or is it just one arrow? It's just she made it. Oh, I see. I just didn't want the normal one.

But why did you opt for white? You can't see it all the time. Right. I can't see it at all right now. How could not? It's right there. Can you see it? No?

Oh, it looks wonderful. Yeah, it's good. But I've never, I don't think I've ever seen a white. Tattoos with freckles look really not the greatest. Is that right? Yeah.

I don't know any famous freckle tattooed people. There's a lot. Google it. I guarantee I will. And what's the other one? That one is just, my sister got it.

She had cancer. So we both just got like a heart. Oh, okay. So then that's just a regular ink. Yeah. Okay.

And then that's a red one. And what is that? Just me and my sis. We're a couple of finger havers. What is the red one? That's an. We're a couple of finger havers. What is the red one? That's an ohm.

An ohm? Ohm. Oh. Ohm. There, like that. Right. Do you do yoga? Is it a yoga thing?

It is a yoga thing, a meditating thing. Do you do that? I meditate, yes. Really? Yes. How long have you done that? No, I've done that since like 2010 or more. Oh, wow. Is that why you cooled out around then?

Yeah. Right when you were like, 2010, I feel like you were about 36. But you could have played 26? Yeah. Yeah, or 27, easily. Easily. Oh, you could have played 27 at 36? Yeah.

It was around the Olympics. Was it something to do with the Olympics? It was. I had to calm down. I was going crazy. I feel like we're really just in guessing game mode now. Can you think of some animals that you spy with your little eye? Do you go to meditation classes?

No, I go to yoga when I can. Not a ton, but I just meditate at home. Really? Like 10 minutes. Oh, I can't even imagine so many noises. But you can nap. Not a ton, but I just meditate at home. Really? Like 10 minutes. Oh, I can't even imagine so many noises, you know? But you can nap. Oh, absolutely.

Napping's great. But napping and meditation are not the same. Are they the same? No, the guy from Twin Peaks, the guy that started it, that's, he did a thing. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Breathing, where you breathe in for six seconds and then you just go, um, like in your head for six. Well, you breathe in for six seconds and then you just go, um, like in your head for six. And that's how he wrote Mulholland Drive, a lot of his stuff in almost like a dream state.

Oh, that's why that movie makes no sense. Somebody should tell him to stop writing like that. Stop doing that. Your stuff is hard to understand. Start putting the scenes in the right order. Yeah. Yeah. So what, you breathe in and then you hold it for six seconds? You breathe in for

six seconds. That's a long time. It's like a big breath and then you breathe out all through your nose like going in your head though, you don't have to do Okay, so you think and then you breathe. See, we shouldn't try it because you'll suffocate.

It's in there. I can't get my breath out. Did he do this while writing? He would do his, he does it for a long time, like almost an hour meditation, maybe twice a day. And then. Let it out. And that's how he because you're almost

in like a sleep when you do it huh I'm almost in a sleep when I hear about it yeah shove it and does it help

or is it it's good for falling asleep I like it it's amazing do you just do it that's what I use it

it's like I was tripping from napping. It's a bridge to napping. And a stepping stone to sleeping. But if you can't, when you have tons of stuff in your head that you have to do, you know what I mean? Like, I'll be like, oh, I have to do this and then this and this and this, like lists. Yeah. But then it will just let me stop doing that.

It's weird that the only time that my brain thinks like that is when I cannot do anything. I wish I was like that all day long. I'm like, I'll just all day not think about anything that I have to do. And then as soon as I'm lying, like, all right, time for quitting time. My brain's like, remember, don't forget about this. You say you have lists in your head? Is it like 20 photos of Frankie Muniz that you won't believe? Yes!

Buzzfeed list? Yeah. You won't believe. I would like to see that list. I would click on that list. Yeah, that would be great if all you... Close your eyes

and you just see sponsored content. Yes, sponsored. So maybe I should look into that. If David Lynch endorses it. Anything David Lynch is into, I could get it in a big way. But no, I got these in April. And what's the, what was your like, how long did it, because we talked about it last time you were on.

Were you anti-tattoo before, or were you like, I'm just waiting for the right. Yes, like a dick about it. Like a dick? Oh, yeah. People had it like, ugh, tattoos, stupid. You have a bumblebee. That looks stupid. And that wasn't in my head.

I'd say it out loud. And then I waited. Yeah. I liked it, so I waited still a bit. Yeah. For new tattoo technologies. Had there been any? I waited, yeah. I liked it, so I waited still a bit. Yeah, for new tattoo technologies. Had there been any? I guess white ink, is that a new thing? Yeah, that seems new.

That's new. And also, you know, there had to be, whenever they switched over to the machines, instead of doing it, you know, tapping. Yeah, yeah, but in our lifetime, I mean. But in our lifetime, I mean. Because, like, yeah, I can see, you know, I'm not going to get the first whatever Apple watch. I'm going to wait until they perfect it. Yeah. Until they get the second one. Has Apple come out with tattoos yet?

Oh, I'd get an Apple tattoo. You would for sure. Yeah, absolutely. I love the brand. I want to support the team. There's someone I know that has a Nike checkmark

attached to it. Swoosh? Really? Yeah. Wow. Or a checkmark, like they passed the Nike test. Both.

And I said, that isn't real. That's an actual, is that the swoosh? And they're like, yeah, I helped open the Seattle store.

That's it. That's not good enough reason to get a tattoo. My dad used to build gaps. I saw a gentleman this evening getting on the bus. He had what used to be a standby in the tattoo world. Banker? Woody Woodpecker. Oh.

I feel like that was around in the 80s like that was a that was a guy and the female version would be a dolphin yeah especially if you say betty poop because it was cartoon world but no i the female if a girl had a dolphin she swam it was always if they had a dolphin i used to swim my first boyfriend was a dolphin there was i saw one that was a it was a tattoo of uh like an old-timey microphone with notes coming out of it and i was like first used to sing doesn't anymore i could tell but you know he used to be a singer uh you know how could you tell she doesn't sing anymore smoking out of a hole in her throat? Yeah, she was in an iron lung. I was doing my candy striper duties at the hospital.

Whatever happened to them? What, candy stripers? Yeah. I don't know that they ever existed outside of television. My sister used to do it. Really? Yes.

Strip candy? Which was 15, 16 years old. Yeah, she drew the stripes on candy. That is literally a joke from Saved by the Bell. I'm not sure why, what they did. What did they just greet or fluff people's pillows

or something? Hand jobs. Yeah. I always thought they wore what they wore on Saved by the Bell, which was the white with like the stripes,

the red stripes. But they didn't. They just wore normal clothes. But what would they do though? Go and talk to the people in the hospital. Like the patients? Yeah.

How's it going? It's really nice outside. Oh, man. You are missing out. Yeah, you would love to be outside today. Not too hot, not too cool. Oh, boy. Yeah.

My immune system's working great. I have no broken limbs. Yeah, there's a guy with a puppy outside. He's the first time at the park. Everybody's watching him walk around. They call me a candy stripper, but I can go out and buy as much candy as I want. I don't have to stripe any of them. Did your sister really do that?

Yeah. That feels like it was something that happened during World War II. How old is your sister? 85. Oh, did she have a birthday recently? Yeah. Did you guys do a surprise party? We did.

She doesn't remember. You were in Edmonton during your birthday. Yeah. You were touring? Yeah. Are you still touring? What's going on with comedy? Yeah, it's fine.

I was supposed to go to Toronto for like a month, but I booked a couple things. That's good. Yeah, it was great. And then I was supposed to go to Toronto for like a month, but I booked a couple things. That's good. Yeah, it was great. And then I was excited. I'm like, I'll have to be in Toronto for a week and then Halifax, the festival. So that's like, great. I only am away for a little bit. I don't like being away a ton now.

Because you got a dog. Yeah, baby. Yeah, you got a tiny baby dog. Tiny baby. Lulu. Did Lulu get a tattoo? Yeah. Oh, cool.

Of me. Yeah. My dog's got a tattoo? Yeah. Oh, cool. Of me. Yeah. My dog's got a tattoo. Yeah. And a piercing. Oh, yeah? He's got a computer chip in his back. Yeah, I guess that kind of counts.

Oh, I'd get one of those. Would you? No, why not? So that people could find me if I'm ever, what, kidnapped or lost? Yes, so. I'm not sure how well they work. Those, like, I don't. The dog microchips is only if your dog gets caught.

Oh, yeah, they scan it. Yeah. Yeah, it's not. Okay, yeah, for a second I was like, I don't know that they have, like, GPS technology. They're just tracking. There's a central dog tracking agency. Yeah. I guess it's if your dog

gets caught they take it to Safeway and scan it through the thing like $9.99 yeah

double check that yeah do I get air miles yeah it said it was on sale over here um Dave what's going

on with you oh man not much summertime oh it's the worst is it not it is yeah um this we were we just had a long weekend here in vancouver here in canada um and it um it was just hot all the time yeah i didn't enjoy it it was it was also like the biggest party weekend in the whole city? Yeah, it was the Pride Weekend.

Yeah, it was the fireworks one night, the Pride Parade the next night. You're shaking your head. What happened? I hate the fireworks. I just hate them. Everyone's like, are you going to come? I don't want to be around more than half a million fucking people. Someone always gets stabbed.

Did anybody get stabbed during the course of this year's fireworks? Yes. All right. I mean, here in Canada, we've got great gun lots, so people just get stabbed all the time. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I'm just not enjoying the heat. No, yeah. I wonder if, like, people, I know I've talked about this, you know, on roughly 40% of the episodes of this show. I can't take the heat.

I wish there was a kitchen to get out of. But, like, in movies, when people are sweaty, it's, like, sexy. Like, they're really muscly and well-lit. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh, this couple it, they're really muscly and well lit. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, oh, this couple's going to have some sweaty sex. Gross. Ew. On their satin sheets, they're going to slide all over.

Yeah, exactly. It's going to be a water slide in their bedroom. But in real life, you're just gross all the time. Oh, yeah. And you see yourself in the mirror and you're like, ah, I ruined this shirt. And like my T-zone is out of control. You're like, ah, I ruined this shirt and my T-zone is out of control. You're like, what's with this Woody Woodpecker tattoo?

Yeah, oh, he looks droopy and sad. Why did I also get that droopy tattoo? You don't see a lot of droopy tattoos. No, you don't. And I know some people pretend to enjoy the summer, and that's obnoxious. And so, which makes it less likely that people will go along with my plan. Everyone, we take coma pills. We all get in a medically induced coma.

Yeah, for three months until... Until things cool down. Yeah, until the leaves change. I think there are people that like the summer. And there are people who wear shorts when it's too cold to wear shorts. Yes. Right? Totally.

And I feel like people who wear Crocs are also people who just wish it was summer all the time. Because they just like the, you know. Would it be unreasonable to just ask for, I don't know who we're asking, the almighty, ask for one month seasons? Because I'm like, That'd be great.

I'm done with every season after a month. I'm like, next. I could really, I could really revel in the fall for, you know,

September. Great. September, October, amazing. But yeah, winter for sure. One month of winter, delicious. Summer, half a month. I love summer. I always say, I love it.

And then the sweat, I'm the same. I'm like, it's gross. I think people that love summer are people that play on co-ed, drop-in volleyball. All those people that are doing that. The ultimate people like, oh, thank God you came, Graham. Yeah, it's a good game. What'd you do? We played fucking ultimate all weekend.

Six games. It was so fun. Then we had a barbecue. Ew. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, who's telling me this weekend that they went to, there was a park where a guy had made

like his own homemade slip and slide and like, just, he said like, Please, please make me go viral. Someone do a, someone make me

into a blog post. And it was, you know, he just said it was the tattooed unwashed masses that just showed up. Just, he just said it was the tattooed, unwashed masses that just showed up. He just said there were hundreds of them. And this was not them.

Them. The tattooed, unwashed masses. I was there. Yeah, Gene was there. Well, and he said that it was just laid out on this hill. Like, there was no consideration of where rocks might be. Where was this? But that was always the case.

In a public park. That was always the case with Slip and Slide. Yeah, Slip and Slide was a dangerous... I mean, it was so... It's like one of those things where whoever came up with it, that must have been just such a banner day at that company. It's like, you know know 10 cents worth of plastic you just hook it up to a hose we sell it for 25 bucks hooray we're the richest company in toitum oh yeah

because that's all it was right was it just it just uh had a little basically a bit like a slightly smoother tarp yeah i never i didn't have Did you ever go on one of those? Oh, I definitely went on one. Did you love it or disappoint it? No, I think as a kid I loved it because it was hot and you line up for it. You know, if there's a lineup. Yeah, it's like a water slide. It's that water slide. Less dirty.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, but it would be, this one apparently was on a slant, but usually it would just be on flat. Like you propelled yourself along it, right? A bit of a hill, though. You always wanted that. To get, really? Yeah. In the ads, I feel like it was just like on plain ground.

Well, yeah. But then people were like, let's amp this up a notch and put it on a hill. There's one that's coming to Vancouver. I saw that, yeah. That was on BuzzFeed. What is it? It's the longest water slide in the world. It's like two miles long or something.

And there's two chutes. It's not a water slip and slide. Slip and slide, it's whatever. Same thing. And it's not, but like, the guy had it on his camera. It's not like you went the whole time. He was like, you could see the arms like. Yeah.

And it's like, oh, no, it's not going to be crowded. We cap it at like 20,000 people or something. They sold tickets. They pre-sold tickets. See, now, what kind of monster are you if you're buying tickets to a slip and slide? I got to be put on Facebook. Exactly. Oh, boy, is there a meal I can photograph while I'm there?

Yeah, at the end, there's just a crazy hamburger. They should come up with that. They should come up with, like, the ultimate Instagram experience where you slide into a thing. There's a puppy. And then at the end, yeah, some giant thing that you eat. If you eat it, you get it for free. Yeah. I think they sold tickets for, for like $20 or $40.

It was something crazy for a slip and slide. But that's, you know, but like, again, I'm just like, hats off to whatever idiot came up with that idea. Good for you. You've made, you made a thing that people will pay $40. Oh, for sure, yeah. To go flying down a tarp. Like it's, ah, just, oh, the slip and slide industry. Oh, capitalism atp. Like, it's just the slip and slide industry. Capitalism at work.

Yeah. That's great. You were talking about people enjoying the summer and playing sports and stuff. Yeah. A few weeks ago, Sean Devlin was on the show, and he was talking about how a group of people are now playing handball. Yeah. Are you talking like pretending they live in New York, handball? What? Why? Is that a thing? What's handball? Yeah. Are you talking like pretending they live in New York, handball? What?

Why, is that a thing? What's handball? You just hit a ball against a wall with your hand. Yeah, that's like New York. Pretending you live in New York. Okay, when have you seen anyone in Vancouver ever play that, ever? People in my high school. No.

Yeah. Are you thinking of stickball? No. I'm talking you thinking of stickball? No. I'm talking about the 1929. Great Depression.

Money for a baseball bat. I don't know. Handball I don't think of as a

New York thing. Totally do. It's in a lot of movies. I don't know.

A lot of movies? Name a movie. I can't right now, but. A lot of movies? Name a movie. I can't right now, but I will when I go to bed because I will be in a list. Are you thinking of racquetball? I'm not special. I know what handball is.

They use their hand like a racket. Yeah. Okay, it's a Michael J. Fox movie. Michael J. Fox. It's the secret of my success. That was fun. Friday Night's Big City. No.

It has to be one of those two Doc Hollywood no Back to the Future yes a lot of handball New York no it has to be

it's a New York one it's secret of my success it has to be no he plays a detective mama's gonna knock you out whatever LL Cool J what was it an LL Cool J

What was it? LL Cool J movie? Are you thinking of Throw Mama from the Train? No That's not a Michael J. Fox movie either Do you know Michael J. Fox? Michael J. Fox played Alex P. Keaton

I know We keep telling you things That you don't seem to know And you say you know I do know Michael J. Fox is a detective in New York. The hard way? The hard way.

Was it the hard way? No. Oh, what? No, James Woods plays a detective in that. Michael J. Fox is shadowing him like Castle.

I will Google it. All right. Well, anyway, I've started playing. I've joined the handball game. No, you haven't. Yeah.

Oh, wow. How was it? Well, because it's with our friends. And so I'm like, well, I know I don't like the heat. I'm going to get sweaty. Should I? It's just going to be like dudes I know wearing jean shorts. How many jean shorts wear on site?

Oh, I don't know. But people wear full jeans. Oh, really? People are... They're not ready for it. No, and then I basically wear what you would call in high school gym strip. Yep. The old t-shirt and shorts?

Yep. Maybe a headband even? No, no. No? Okay. And I just sweat so much, and I regret nothing when I'm there, because it's like this is the absolute appropriate thing to wear yeah yeah um and uh yeah and i'm the best player there is as i predicted yeah did you uh how do you win i don't know the i don't even know what the game is

you get say there's uh uh the us. Okay. We get in line and then I pick a word, you know, podcast. And then every time I go, then you go, then Jane goes.

And if I knock you out, you get a letter. And so, it's basically. It's not like Jackass. The TV show? Yes. No, like the old game.

Yes. Well, we used to call it asshole But Yeah I know Or horse They call it in basketball Where you

Yeah and then you get eliminated I thought you just did it for points I didn't know it was like that You just knock the next person out Yeah Oh okay And then how long does the person Have to sit out for?

Until the next game That's a long time Long time in the heat Or a short time If you're having a good It's a short time If you pick a shorter word Yeah Like horse in the heat. Or a short time if you're having a good time. It's a short time if you pick a shorter word. Yeah, like horse.

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you pick a three-letter word. Sometimes a four. Who gets to pick? The person who won the last game. Ah, so you always got to pick the words. Mm-hmm.

Did you go for short words or long words? It depends. They all usually take a consensus. Yeah. What do you guys feel like? A short or a long word? A four, a five? A three.

Okay. Yeah. So. The name is Spe feel like? A short or long word? A four? A five? A three? Okay. Yeah. So. The name is spell fuck. Have you a cue? Where are you playing? Dude Chilling Park. What's that?

It used to be called Guelph Park. Yes. Jane, you seem disappointed by that. Just the name. I know. I'm not happy about anything.

Do you think there's a guy somewhere in Vancouver that has Dude Chilling Park tattooed on his body? For sure, yes. If you're listening to this, make yourself known. I just take my shirt off. It's on my back.

Yeah, so summer's great. Summer's good. Wait a minute. Summertime, let's eat some food. That wasn't, the summary of your essay has nothing to do with the opening of your essay. It's a very summary summary. So at the end of it all, you're in love with Summer? No.

Oh, okay. But you're in love with Han. I'm ready for Summer to be over. Okay. Summer. Handball and all. Handball and all. We're recording this two weeks before it comes out, actually.

So I'm... You're way past. By the time this episode is out, actually. You're way past. By the time this episode is out, I am setting fire to summer. Yeah, well, fair enough. And you? Where will I be? Will I be back from Winnipeg when this comes out?

Yeah, I think barely. So you were in Winnipeg. It was great. It was great. It was great. It was hot. Oof. Where are you going? Next.

Well, in this time, next week. In podcast time, last week. Okay. It's going to be hot. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I didn't, you know. Mosquitoes.

I got to fire my agent. Me. This past weekend was the Pride weekend. And I... This is something I don't usually do. I don't usually go out dancing. What? What are you talking about?

Absolutely. Let me set the stage. Let's do it. Pride weekend here in Vancouver. Big deal. Big deal. More than half a million. It was 650,000 people they said on Sunday afternoon baking in the sun watching a parade. Shutdown downtown.

Now I got no time for a parade of any kind. Right. Any stripe. Too hot. I don't mind the one, the Remembrance Day one, because that's in November. And it's solemn. It's solemn. It's short. And there's very few

World War II veterans in tidy white. Exactly. It's the standing. It's the crowds. It's the heat. It's the heat. It's the heat. And it's also that you don't, you know, you just see the, like I think a float is really great if you're a kid. You see a float go by.

But I feel like when I was a kid, I never went to any parades. I was onto them earlier. I was like, this is fake entertainment. This is slow-moving fake entertainment. But I feel like you watch, you know, the Macy's Parade on TV or the Rose Bowl Parade, whatever. Yeah, sure. Let's say. And the floats are like paper mache shapes of things.

Yeah. Whereas the ones at this parade are. A trailer attached to a truck. Yeah, with a bunch of people on it. They look like even back in the day, the Peony one, anything, I was always like, this sucks. Like, why have they been waiting in line to watch this? See, but I grew up in the

Calgary, and they had the Calgary Stampede Parade, and that was like a parade of horses going to the bathroom. Yeah, it was a lot of horses taking a shit in the middle of the street. But it was bananas. Like, it was bananas. It was all sorts of floats.

Corporate sponsors would pour a lot of money into this and make their float better than the other bank or whatever. I don't think there's the competition here. No, no. It's just some dudes in a convertible with a banner. Cineplex Odeon supports pride. Yeah. You know. So I didn't go to the parade part, but a friend of mine DJs a hip hop night once a month at the Cobalt.

Okay. And it just happened. The Cobalt was formerly a punk bar. Formerly a strip club. And now is a gay bar? Yeah. It's just like a bar. Formerly a strip club. And now is a gay bar? Yeah. It's just like a bar. Okay.

You know, it's just. Have they redone it in the inside or it's still the same, right? The bathrooms I hear are clean. The bathrooms exist and are clean and work, which didn't used to be the case when it was a punk bar. And it's just, it's a lot of the same. It's basically the same bar. Yeah it's just, it's a lot of the same, it's basically the same bar. Yeah. But,

it just cleaned up a bit. And, so, his DJ night, which is a, like a gay hip hop DJ night. Okay. Happened to fall on the Pride Day.

So, he was like, oh, you know, come down, come down, visit. And so me and Alicia Tobin, we went down to this event. We're on the guest list. Oh, wow.

Yeah, we got to walk ahead of the line. It was great. Oh, really? Absolutely, yeah. The guest list means you don't even have to wait in line. Yeah. And so the people waiting in line aren't getting in right away. No, exactly. They have to, like line. Yeah. And so the people waiting in line aren't getting in right away. No, exactly. They have to literally wait.

Yeah. Until people leave? Until the bouncer arbitrarily left. Yeah, until the bouncer's power trip wears off. Yeah. And man, oh man, it was just a ton of fun. First of all, every dude in the place, shirtless within minutes. Oh, it must have been.

It was hot. Yourself included? Sunday, right? Yeah, Sunday. Yeah. By law, I have to keep my shirt on at all times, even in the shower. It was voted on in the last election. I thought I would get it passed.

Yeah, you have a chaperone who joins you in the bathroom. Yeah. Hey, keep it on. But I just want to. Anyways, it was, yeah, it was a surprising, I saw a surprising amount of people that I knew. Shirtless. Shirtless, yeah. And, but yeah, man, those shirts do not, they are line up only for a lot of those guys.

Some of the guys showed up with no shirt. They had no plans on wearing a shirt at all. What? I know. And these guys are in shape. There's a lot of really in shape dudes. Of course they're not going to wear shirts. Yeah, but I guess, does that happen at other, I haven't been to a dance, like a club in a decade.

I haven't been to a dance. I haven't been to a dance. A social in a while. But I feel like at a... But do guys always take their shirts off? I've never seen this in my life. But maybe at a gay, the hottest weekend of the year. A pride event.

A big dance. But I don't know. Maybe it's always like that. Were there any guys shirtless with suspenders? Was there a hillbilly gym type character with overalls and no shorts? Oh, absolutely. Half of them were like that. I should specify.

Was there anyone in overall shorts? Yeah, with the shorts rolled up so that you could see the stripy pattern underneath. I feel like that was a 90s thing, right? You know what I'm talking about. Yes, I do. That was an accusing finger. You know what I'm talking about. Anyways, it was, I've never gone to a pride event outside of the parade.

And so did you dance? Of course. For hours? For hours. Crazy great old school rap? A mix of both. Today's yesterday and tomorrow. Did you soak through your jeans?

I was wearing shorts. Oh. I showed up in shorts. Was that allowed? I texted ahead of time. I was like, what's the, is there a dress code? Because I thought like, yeah. But then he was like, no, there's no dress code.

And then when I showed up, I was like, man, am I overdressed with my shorts and shirts? So people were wearing shorts. Yeah. Out at night. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's unacceptable. Shorts, but no shirt. Sometimes pants with no shirt, but mostly shorts.

I thought you had to wear a shirt. I thought you had to wear pants. No, you're thinking of Denny's. I'm thinking 7-Eleven anywhere. No shirt, no shoes, no service. Was everyone wearing shoes? Not necessarily I think for the most part

What's this place? No yes People were wearing shoes Were you at a zoo? It was like When we showed up There was nobody there And we were like, this is great.

We'll have a drink. We'll go home. Yeah. Nobody's here. No one's dancing. The perfect night out. Did you see that it said doors open at nine and you were there at nine? So wait, there was nobody there and the bouncer was still not letting people in?

Are you being serious? Yeah, absolutely. That's the worst. What a dick. That's how you create... With his arms crossed, too, probably, right? He was, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hands on hips.

Hands on hips. Oh, man, the hardest part of being a bouncer in 2014, it's got to be not being on your phone all the time. Yeah, that's true. Well, but it's got to be pretty entertaining denying people access to a thing they want. That's going to be pretty fun. You have to wait for a while when no one's. That's the worst.

You wait for 45 minutes. You walk in. You're like, we're the fourth person here. Why? No, there was nobody there at the beginning. And they have Street Fighter 2 there. So it was like, I want to just play that all night oh my god

that's the best yeah so and then but then by the time we left like it's just like where are all these

people coming from and they're just showing up at like midnight where a lot of well of course that's what people do I know

it's crazy are the clubs open until 4 now too I have no idea. I mean, you ask it wrong. This is a theoretical question. Is there a 4 in the morning? I suppose.

I suppose I sleep through it. Yeah. Yeah, you've never witnessed it first, Ed. Oh, maybe by accident. Yeah, I've woken up at four in the morning and been like, oh, clubs can't be open. You call a club? You guys still open?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're out. It's Rager. Come down, stand in line. No. Anyways, tons of fun. Tons of fun.

Okay. Was it a predominantly gay crowd well i don't i i didn't ask for anyone's id yeah i didn't ask for anyone's credentials at what part at what point did they spray foam on everyone was it a foam party there was no foam. There was the thing that I love. Yeah, my friend did that several times for my... With a horn? No, with a button on a thing. Okay. I hate those. Why do you like it?

Because it's hilarious. It's hilarious. Because it's unlikable. Yeah. Like right at the beginning of a song or right in the middle of a song. Middle. Yeah. Like right at the beginning of a song or right in the middle of a song.

Middle. Like... Did they do that thing where they take all the music down and the crowd yells the words? No, although that really would have... That's a fun DJ thing. Yeah. Like if everybody... You know everybody's singing along? Yeah.

Yeah, that's... And then you take down the words and everyone's like, Piano man! I only have Billy Joel songs on my mind. Piano man! But then... Remix. Do they have anyone going... Remix!

Anyone putting in watermarks? Audio watermarks? Oh, like if you're listening to... DJ shit fuck exclusive. remix anyone putting in watermarks audio watermarks oh like if you're listening to this shit fuck exclusive did he mix songs

too quickly cause you know sometimes you're like oh I love this song and then it's for 10 seconds leading to the next song oh I got girl talk

oh all of the mixing was really good and it would be it would just give you a taste you know of the next song, and you're like, I know what that's like.

Uh-oh, I know that beat. Here we go, piano man. Come on, Ghostbusters. Come on, River of Dreams. Come to my Billy Joel hip-hop night. Yeah, your Billy Joel DJ set. My Billy Joel pride hip-hop night. Oh, man, you make people wait in line all night.

There's just nobody in there. It's just a tiny, it's not even a, it's just a storefront, and there's nothing in it at all. It's more of an art installation. Yeah, so that's what I did. I went dancing. Nice. Yeah.

And what moves did you, how many of the moves? I did the electric slide. How many of the moves you did were, how many of the moves you did? Yeah. Were, like, authentic, like, oh, I'm enjoying myself dancing, How many of the moves you did were authentic? Like, oh, I'm enjoying myself dancing. And how many are, let's make fun of dancing? I think it's all alcohol.

There's a ratio. At the beginning, it's like, isn't this funny? We're dancing. And then you drink more, and then you're actually dancing. Yeah. Like, I think it's drink dependent. But, you know, when I looked around, nobody was good. There was nobody who was good at it.

There was no dance circle formed. Don't even want to be close to a dance circle. That's the worst. Have you ever been in one? Yeah. Have you ever been in the center of one Have you ever been in the center of one? You've been in the center of one? Yeah.

And I just danced like an idiot on purpose. That's why the circles exist. Yeah. No, because there was good people in that and I wasn't one of them. And then somebody

pushed you in and like, Jane, do your crazy thing. I was like, yeah. Fake break dancing in a circle. How am I risked? Yeah, no, there was no,

like, I mean, I didn't stay the whole time, but there was no dance circle. No dance circle broke out. There was no, there was no standout. There was no foam. Yeah.

It sounds like you got ripped off. Sounds like this was a hidden camera show. Yeah. This wasn't a real dance thing. Oh, man. This was a sting. Why did I sign that release

on my way out? Because I was drunk. And I want a real dance thing. Oh, man. This was a sting. Why did I sign that release on my way out? Because I was drunk. And I want to be on TV. Hey, I love you. I love Dateline. A Dateline exclamation. I love you, Jane Pauly. Yeah, so do we want to move on to Overhead?

Sure. Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy. Every Tuesday, we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening. Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemasas or why we tried to eat mummies for

a while or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximum Fun Network with Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine. I'm Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher. I am Ricky Carmona. And we are the cast members, what, I don't know, podcastiness of Wham Bam Pow. That's an action sci-fi movie podcast you can find on MaximumFun.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use. Tons of things you can use. We break it down so it can forever be broken.

Hilarious jokes. Plus, sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here. We'll see you in your earbuds. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we, the people, by this declaration, four score, seven years ago.

What do you know of American history? Oh, I know that George Washington cut down a tree, could tell no lies about it. Was he? Was it he who could tell no lies? Yeah, honest Washington. He cut down a cherry tree with the side of his hand.

And then he was brought before Congress and he couldn't lie. He said, I did it. And if the glove fits, you must acquit. If the glove fits, you must acquit. Yeah.

Oh, it changed over time. Yeah, his tree chopping glove. And so a nation was born. They bought Louisiana for $15.99. And Alaska came in the last place of the America states. And then suffrage. It came after Hawaii? Yep was one of the third state it was yeah we're in delaware the second one hawaii delaware north dakota there was no south

dakota at the time but they knew there would be hawaii was originally called south dakota and then when they figured there was a closer Dakota south of the north one. Right. That's when they renamed it and then gave back the original name of Hawaii, which was the native speaker of Hawaii, which means hello and goodbye. Thank you for that. They have 50 different words for snow. So overheards, we always like to start with the guest. And, Jane, you're ready to go.

I am. I can tell you've got your game face on. I got it. I was on a patio and having sushi, and it was in my mouth, and I spat it out because these two guys are so stupid. Oh, not because it was poison fit? Both. So one guy says, if it's not a real baby, I'll treat him like mine. But if he doesn't look like me.

So what? Wait, what? I got it. That his girlfriend or wife. I feel like girlfriend. Yeah, probably. He's pregnant. But he said, if it's not a real baby.

That's where I kill me. If it's not a real baby he goes where'd it kill me if it's a glow worm or cabbage patch kid glow worm oh man if it is a care bear you would say if it's not my baby

but if it's not a real baby if it's not a real baby well maybe they'll have like a like you know how macho babies are like you're not a real baby.

Yeah. Do you even lift baby? Yeah. Yeah. Or robot baby. Some sort of robot. Or a goblin. You were going to say ghost baby.

I was going to say ghost baby, but then that's scary. Scary. Too scary. Baby, yeah. Baby. Baby Huey. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Baby, yeah. Baby. Baby Huey. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Baby, baby, baby. Sure. Baby one more time. What if it's the Limburg baby or the Limburger baby? The guy said it has to look like him in order for him to. No, if it doesn't, though, then he's like, ugh. So I'm like, I think he's like, if this baby looks like me, I can say it's mine.

Yeah, if he's got the same tribal tats as me, it's definitely my baby. But babies... Yeah, I don't know if you can really judge if a baby looks like you. It looks like an old man when I come to it. Yeah, babies look weird. But isn't there some science thing? I'm guessing he means, like, if it's it comes out. Yeah, babies look weird. Yeah. But isn't there some science thing?

I'm guessing he means like if it's the same race. Maybe, yeah. Like when it's one or two. Or does he think like he's like, because I'm a guy and I had sex, it's got to be a boy. So if it's a girl, it's not mine. I don't know how that happened. I don't know how that happened. Isn't there a thing that the baby is supposed to resemble the man in the first stages of life so that, like, if the man doesn't eat it or abandon it or something like that?

What are you talking about? I think there is something. You're talking about, like, Wiccan stuff or something right now. Yeah, this is, oh, yeah, absolutely. This is from Wiccanpedia. Thank you. Sure. The play Wiccan about the witches. Yeah, no, I think there's something like that.

I think babies are supposed to look like the dad at the beginning. There's like an evolutionary reason for the baby to. Look, I've seen a lot of babies. I've seen a lot of dads. I don't see it. Yeah, yeah, no, that's true. Unless the dad is, you't see it. Yeah, yeah. No, that's true. Unless the dad is, you know... 90.

Yeah. Or some kind of like that rubber-faced, you know... What was the name of that guy? Jim Carrey? No, like he was an old man and he was like the clown prince of baseball. What are you doing? I'm looking up clown prince of baseball. Clown prince of Baseball. Clown Prince of Baseball?

Siri, Google Clown Prince of Baseball. Oh, no. Searching Google for Clown Prince of Baseball. Clown Prince? Uh-oh. Oh, no. It's just pictures of Kevin Kline. At a Prince concert. Oh, it's Prince Fielder.

I don't know who this guy is you're talking about. But he was a guy who played baseball and also had a clowny face. Yeah, that's what babies look like. Max Patkin. He was in a couple of baseball movies. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, not Hot Shots.

What the fuck was that movie called? Dirtbags. Kevin Costner. Major League, that's it. No, the Kevin Costner one. Oh, Fields of Dreams. Bull Durham. Bull Durham.

Yeah, he's like a guy who would go around... Making, like a clown on the base? Wait, you say, you was, wait, Hot Sex? It's a hot sexy movie. What, Bull Durham? Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Lots of sexual tension.

Yeah. On the field? A lot. The Field of Dreams field still exists, and people can play on it for free whenever. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's like those pianos they put in parks here. What?

What is that? The city of Vancouver or some project in Vancouver has had this funded and they just put pianos outside in Vancouver. It seems like they would rot, no? No, just in the summer. Oh, okay. When it's not raining. And like anybody can just go and go, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,

dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, Yeah. At like two o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Pretty much. Yeah. They have covers that you can put on them. And people do put them on when they're done with them.

People are pretty considerate. Wow. It's just to make, you know, parks more magical. I guess. Parks are, yeah, I guess between the do-it-yourself slip and slides and these pianos, these parks in Vancouver become something to talk about. I think I'm going to like summer more. Yeah, next summer.

This summer's already gone. This one's right on we're already halfway through so uh dave do you have an overheard i don't remember um i don't know well okay i guess i have a couple um but one of them i'm not sure if this is a real overheard but i saw there was a guy it's weird you see these things on the news that are like a guy escaped from a thing oh yeah from like an asylum or a prison or and you never see oh they got him yeah yeah don't worry everybody relax yeah it's just on the news for a day and then no no he's gone it's old news uh but this guy escaped for something and he had the greatest name i've ever seen of anyone ever and uh he had escaped from uh, and he had the greatest name I've ever seen of anyone ever.

And he had escaped from some kind of facility, and his name. Be on the lookout for Pancho Desperados. Oh, wow. I will be in more ways than one. Pancho Desperados is loose in Vancouver? I don't know. He was. Oh, okay.

We don't know if he's. Well, we'll never know. Yeah, that's not the kind of news. He was. Oh, okay. We don't know if he's... Well, we'll never know. That's not the kind of news they ever do. Yeah, captured. Yeah, that's true. On the loose, disproportionate to the captured news. And there's never even a still on the loose. It's just

like, well, he's out there. Yeah, he's out there. He did crimes before. Told us he was going to do more if he ever got out of here. So you draw your own conclusions. But we're no longer responsible. We told you. What if somebody, like, escaped from prison, integrated themselves back into society, just worked great, started a business, and, and like employed people and all this stuff. If you figured out that he escaped prison,

you make him go back to prison. Would you be like plot of every other movie? Would you make a guy go back to prison? Would I personally? No. Come with me. What did he do though? That's.

Oh, he slaughtered people. He was. Yes. Now he's like, I don't need that anymore. The system works. I was in my 30s. I don't need to kill anyone in my 40s.

Yeah, yeah. I got it out of my system. Okay. Yeah. Oh, when he slaughtered people in his 30s, they were like, that's something you would have done in your 20s. Yeah. And he felt shame. That's why they call them the dirty 30s, because you're murdering spring.

They call them the murdery 30s. It's just becauseing Spriggan. They call them the Murdy 30s. It's just because it rhymes. Yeah. There's nothing. Nothing rhymes with 40. Shorty? Yeah, the Shorty. Yeah, the Shorty 40s.

The Gordy 40s? Yeah. And I guess that's it. Yeah. I challenge anybody to come up with another rhyme. You can't. And my other overheard is I was in line for coffee one morning, and there were these two guys behind me.

And a guy had gotten a new bike, and he was asking his friend what kind of lock he should get for it. And the guy was like, because he was like, oh, yeah, they have those chain locks, and there's the cable locks, and there's the U-locks. And his friend was like, oh, yeah, you definitely need to get a U-lock. Oh, what kind? Oh, well, there's a brand, Brannock. And the guy said, Brannock.

Sounds hardcore. Just by the brand name. Yeah. It's a hardcore lock. What was the escapee's name again? Brannick yeah Pancho del Esquisa

Pancho Desperados it's a great name wow yeah Brannick Brannick locks endorsed by Pancho

del Esquisa and now I'm afraid to look him up because there might be news updates about him yeah he might be outside my window.

If he was, though, we'd just tell him to go away. Get out of here. Get out of here! I'd invite him for dinner. Would you? He'd probably be hungry. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Boy, they don't make cornbread like this in prison, he'd say. And you'd be like, you can have as much cornbread as you want, but don't touch my daughter. I've got one rule at my farmhouse. Oh, man. Now, Graham. Yep. You don't have an overheard. I do.

Last night. The streak is alive. When I was at, I host a show every monday at the havana ah and uh there was a kid running around with his brother and uh he kept saying he was just talking and talking like the one kid was just talking talking running around talking talking but uh when we listened to what he was saying, he was just saying over and over again, swords, swords, swords, swords. He wasn't even acting out

for having a sword. He was just saying it over and over again. Swords, swords, swords, swords. But excited about it, right? Was he the younger brother or older brother? He was the younger brother.

Oh, man. I feel like that's something the older brother could do. Yeah. Like, I don't need to have a sword. I can just say's something the older brother could do. Like, I don't need to have a sword. I can just say swords, and the younger brother would be like, Mom, he said swords. Yeah, it was great.

Because the kid was running back and forth and back and forth. During the show? This was outside of the theater when we were selling tickets. Did they go to the show, the kids? No, no, no. This is an adult show with adult content. Okay. Mostly vibrator-based.

Nice. You show up with a kid, that's your own fault. We put a warning. What's the name of the comedian who does all the motorcycle noises? Herb Dixon? No, is there a comedian who does all the different brands of vibrator noises? Yeah, absolutely. Herb Dixon? Now, is there a comedian who does all the different brands of vibrator noises? Yeah, absolutely. Herb Dixon. Yeah.

He has like 40 different ones. Yeah. This one is a curio. Is that a noise of my friend? Yeah. Part chicken? I'm not doing you. Oh, man.

We also have overheards that have been sent in by people via email. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And the first one comes from Ian C. Where is he from? Somewhere. Oh, Buffalo Grove, Illinois. Oh. Yeah.

Give me a home where the buffalo grow. Illinois. Oh. Yeah. Give me a home where the buffalo grow. I was listening to a woman describe her recent vacation to Turkey to a person that sits near me at work when I heard this. Oh, I took a hot air balloon ride.

How was it? It was amazing. It was like floating. Which resembles. Yeah. More than a passing resemblance. Never been on a hot air balloon. No. No. Don resembles. Yeah. Yeah. More than a passing resemblance. Never been on a hot air balloon. No.

No. Nobody? Don't want to. Yeah, I kind of feel like there's that one story of, like, the balloon getting away. Oh, I thought you meant the one that was here when it caught on fire. Oh, what? No. Mother, daughter, yes.

God damn it. It seems like a way that you would never have to travel, therefore, why bother? I mean, you could get around the world in like 80 days that way. Didn't what's-his-name go on a crazy... Jules Verne? No, the virgin guy. Richard Branson?

Yeah, didn't he go on like a round the world thing and he got stranded in like the ocean or in the arctic in a balloon yeah by the way when you said virgin

I thought you meant there was a guy that was a virgin that went on a hot air I'm like well that's not gonna help him whatsoever cause he's on a balloon

by himself he was on he was on Breaking Amish and then and then he went on a balloon I just feel like this is a transportation that people did in the early 1900s. Why are we doing it?

I think it's more of a pleasure thing to like, hey, let's... There's wind. It's a very silly thing. I wouldn't do it in Turkey, where it's like, oh, hey, you know how people... The only time a balloon makes the news is when people die in Canada? What are the regulations in Turkey? I don't know. But they're all run by prison escapees.

The prison, everybody knows the balloon industry is tied to the. It's in the pocket of big prison. That'd be a good way to spring a guy from prison. Yeah, a balloon. You heard the story about like a month or two ago, there was an escape with a helicopter. Oh, yeah. They caught that guy, didn't they? Yeah, a balloon. You heard the story about like a month or two ago, there was an escape with a helicopter. Oh, yeah. They caught that guy, didn't they? Yeah, those guys.

Yeah. That did roll. Where was this? In Quebec. Yeah, like a helicopter. You got to get back on Facebook. It's all happening there. Okay, done.

Yeah, all the good stuff is happening. News source. I feel like I wanted to talk a little bit more about balloons. Yeah, sure, sure. Have you seen that movie? What's it called? It's got Daniel Craig. Operation Dumbledore?

Samantha Morton. Everlasting Love, Enduring Love. Anyway, it's got a great balloon scene. It sounds... It's like the greatest balloon scene. It's supposed to be very romantic, right? Not this scene No, did they do

What, they don't do it? They do it? Don't ruin it, no It's the opening scene It's this out of control balloon And a bunch of people run up to try to save it Like passers by Yeah

And then It's crazy It's just like the greatest action scene That doesn't involve a car chase or anything It's just like the greatest action scene that doesn't involve a car chase or anything. It's like a super unexpected action scene. Huh. And it's all balloons. And then the rest of the movie has nothing to do with action at all.

Or balloons? Pretty much. Okay. That's disappointing. I know. It's a thrill ride for four minutes. It's like, oh, there's some great movies that have a great opening scene. And then you're like, why am I watching the rest of it?

Oh yeah, somebody, was that maybe on Reddit or something? Somebody just said, what are the, what's the best opening 10 minutes of a movie?

And like, people were like, Up was one of them. And then like the, you know, the one continuous shot from Saving Private Ryan was one of them.

This would fall in that category. Balloon. Have you seen... I'm trying to think of a movie where the first 10 minutes is awesome and then the rest of it is a real slog. Have you seen the Dave Foley movie, The Wrong Guy? Yeah. That's a great first 10 minutes, and then I didn't really like the rest of it. It's funny.

It's a funny movie. Especially that first 10 minutes, and then I didn't really like the rest of it. It's funny. It's a funny movie. Especially that first ten minutes. I don't remember a lot about it, but I remember thinking, man, oh man, is this a funny movie. Barenaked Ladies make a cameo appearance. There's a bunch of guys sitting around a

garbage can singing. So there you go. You got that. They got that going for them. Well, this guy won't shut up about burning a loon, you know what I mean? Stop. This next overheard

comes from Steve P. in Atlanta. This dates back to St. Patrick's Day. That's where I am in the overheard timing. Oh, yeah. Well, the phone calls

I'll be playing are from early August. I was in Chicago the day they had their St. Patrick's Day parade. Oh, and the fugitive. Oh yeah, probably the most famous of the St. Patrick's Day parades.

I was waiting in line to get into a sketch comedy show at Second City. The girl in front of me in line was wearing a green shirt and could barely stand. As she got to the front of the line, I heard the girl taking tickets politely say, Ma'am, that's not a ticket. I looked over and saw that the drunk girl

was holding out an empty Big Mac box in front of her. And I came in. Wow. Great, right? Here. Just take it. I hope they let her in I would've

If someone had given me A full Big Mac That's how you bribe a bouncer I would get it I would They would Give me a Big Mac That's what I want right now

I'm on a real burger tear Are you really Are you kind of like Are you Jughead Jones-ing for it Yeah I'm having a I'm on a real burger tear. Are you really? Are you kind of like Jughead Jones-ing for it? Yeah. I'm on a two, three burger a week schedule right now. Really?

No, you're not. What? Hamburger beef burgers. Hamburger beef burgers? Well, you could have a veggie burger. You could have a chicken burger. I have... A chicken burger is not healthier than a hamburger. But if you ate a chicken burger, would you tell somebody that you just ate a burger?

You would say you ate a chicken burger. I don't usually go around announcing everyone. You're announcing it now. It's very exciting. Everyone. Gather around. Gather around. You know what it is?

It's where they opened up a white spot triple O's at CPC. Wow. That's what's killing you. Oh, yeah. What's killing you? This tattoo ink. at CPC. Wow. That's what's killing you. Oh, yeah. What's killing you? This tattoo ink. Tattoo ink. Yeah.

But you know what? Whatever doesn't kill you. Mm-hmm. Makes me stronger, but this is killing me. Oh, yeah. This is killing you. So it's making you weaker. Yeah.

What burger are you getting from White Spot? What burger am I getting from White Spot? What are you asking me? Are you getting a Triple O's burger? Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting the original. Okay, good. I'm not getting a bacon-y cheese one.

No. Because that's like eating two burgers, right? Yeah, but they now sometimes put on their original lettuce and tomato, and I'm like, shut up. I just realized that. Look, you say tomato, and that's it. But I like it just with the bun and the sauce and the tiny little patty. So good. I can't eat the main one.

What are you talking about? A slider? No, I can't have it anymore. Just a regular burger. Yeah. Just a hamburger. What you're talking about is just a hamburger. A hamburger.

Yeah, but the original sometimes now they put the lettuce and tomato on it. Oh, a what? A lettuce and what? Tomato. I don't think they sometimes do. I think. I don't think. They never used to.

They just willy nilly like, I think this time I'm feeling a tomato. No, they upcast it. Is it that they used to put a tomato on it and now they're putting a tomato on it? Now it's a tomato. Okay. Ask for the tomato. It's different. But like if you get a hamburger from McDonald's, it doesn't have any vegetation on it.

Sure it does. Like a thing of onions. It's got two all-meat patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. No, that's a Big Mac. That's a Big Mac.

I'm just saying, I said a hamburger. Oh, a hand burger. Yeah. It's got a little squirt of those onions and it's got pickles. Squirt of onions

and ketchup. Yeah. The onions and ketchup are all mixed up. But no nutritionist would say a pickle is a vegetable. Well, I guess

at one point it was a vegetable. It is. Before it was pickles. It's a cucumber. It's delicious. I used to think, and maybe you still do, that a pickle was just a cucumber that they pickled, and then it shrunk somehow into a pickle. I didn't realize they were different cucumbers.

They were tiny little cucumbers? Yeah. I learned that like a year ago. That's why the world's amazing. Because there's always stuff to learn. Because they teach you when a kid, oh, this used to be a cucumber. One day you can grow up to be a pickle. It gave me hope. Oh, pickle me.

Oh, pickle me. The last over here comes from Dana T. From St. Albert, Alberta. And this is at an eye doctor in the waiting room. The TV was playing the Food Network and Guy Fieri was on screen when I heard this exchange between two older ladies. In her 50s and the the others in her 70s. The 70-year-old points to the guy on the screen and says, oh, I really like this guy. 50-year-old woman responds, Guy Fieri?

Oh, yeah, me too. Then she took a long pause and said, yeah, I could definitely see myself traveling the world with Guy Fieri. I hate him. Wow. Maybe in a balloon. Oh, yeah. I don't even know he has that other show. I don't know how he has shows.

He's got Diners, Drive-Ins, and Drives. And he used to have a thing. Do it in a minute or whatever. He's got Dinner in a Minute. Dinner in a Minute. The Grocery Store one. He's got Grocery Store. Oh, the Grocery Store one's fun.

Grocery Store checkout countdown. It's like Supermarket Sweep. It's great. He's got a grocery store. Oh, the grocery store one. It's fun. Grocery store checkout counts down. It's like Supermarket Sweep. It's great. He's got a thing with Rachel Ray and kids. He's got a kid with Rachel Ray? He does.

No, he and Rachel Ray cook a bunch of kids. Oh, yeah. Guy Fieri's like, if the kid doesn't... How to cook kids. If the kid doesn't have frosted tips, then...

It's not mine. If the kid doesn't come out wearing flip flops. I just can't... Do you guys... I can't stand him. No, then... It's not my... The kid doesn't come out wearing flip-flops. I just can't... Do you guys... I can't stand him. No, we like him. We're fans.

We do not. We love him. No, of course not. But he's... I mean, obviously people have to like him. Yeah, he's... He is... I don't know what it is.

Is it like people enjoy seeing a reflection of themselves? The best version of themselves. Yeah, exactly. He's the five people you meet in heaven. Yeah, he's, you know, he's the everyday slob. When he eats the stuff, like you compare him to you got to eat here. The guy's nice. What's that guy?

John Cattucci? Yeah, he's great. He eats it. You know he only has one, max two bites out of the thing. You know Guy Fieri's like, the guy's like,

oh, I'll take that. He's like, no. Like, you can't take that. He's eating that hamburger. Mike me eating. I want to listen to you. I want a lab mic and a boom mic.

Yeah, we're doing 5.1 surround sound. They should do that. They should do movie theater, diner drive-ins and a boom mic. Yeah, we're doing 5.1 surround sound. They should do that. They should do a movie theater, Diner Drive and Dives. Just mayonnaise edition. Just like Foley it up. You know he'd be like. No, he gets the best Foley guy in the business.

Dave Foley. They walk in giant tubs of mayonnaise with snowshoes on. I was going to say he puts his feet in it because he always wears flip flops too. Always. Yeah. In a kitchen. And he'll eat off the flip flop. Yeah.

And he drives a convertible old car that guzzles gasoline. There's no stone left unturned in the Guy Fieri universe. Yeah. He's the asshole described in the Dennis Leary song. Yes. Come to life. Do you know that I heard an old clip from a radio show where Louis C.K. said he did that bit and Dennis Leary was on the same show and just expounded on it,

and then a year later he came out with that song, and Louis was like, that was my bit. You just added to it and then took it and made it your thing, which is weird, right? Yeah. Anyways, I don't know. Dennis Leary, Dennis Leary. Yeah.

You heard it here first. Dennis Leary. Guys, that's the show. No? No, there's overheards of people who phoned in. In addition to overheards that are called in, we get the phoned in ones. Called in and phoned in. Going to wrap it up.

In addition to the written in ones, we get the phoned in ones. Some of them are called in, but most of them are phoned in. You want to call us? Phone number. Jot it down. Take your jotter. Jot it down. it down take your jotter jot it down don't call me jotter any better 206-339-8328

jotter greetings spy guys and spy guests this is Bill C. from Dallas, Texas calling in with an overheard this past weekend I went to see

my 14 yearyear-old nephew perform in a stage production of Peter Pan. And I don't know if you guys are familiar with the play, but there's a few references to people having to take medicine in the show. And so after the show, I got down to the restroom and was in one of the stalls, and I heard a dad and his little boy, probably seven or eight. I didn't see him, so I don't really know how old he actually was. But I heard them come into the restroom and his dad was whistling one of the songs from the show. And the little boy kind of seriously said, Dad, I really need to take that diarrhea medication. And his dad kind of chuckled out loud.

take that diarrhea medication. And his dad kind of chuckled out loud. And then very seriously, the little boy goes, Don't laugh, Dad. I need it for my throat. Okay. Thought you guys might enjoy that. Oh, he's got verbal diarrhea? Because that's the one that involves

the throat, right? I don't know. I don't know, man. I was confused because when he said Peter Pan and Menace, then I started thinking it was Mary Poppins. What songs are in Peter Pan the musical? I'm Peter Pan. Here I am.

I'm a man. Yes, I am. Who sings that? Peter Pan. Oh, okay. Who knows it's a musical? Yeah, I guess I didn't know it was a musical Who knows? It's a musical. Yeah, I guess I didn't know. I guess it's a musical.

Would you go see a straight drama about Sandy Duncan on a harness? I guess I've seen Bill Murray on David Letterman flying in as Peter Pan. I think there's a song called I'm Flying. I'm Flying. That's the one. Uh-oh, here comes Captain Hook. Yeah. Rufio Forever.

Childhood something. Childhood lasts so long. Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. I don't really know the story of Peter Pan. Not particularly. No, me neither. I know the story of Hook, the movie.

I don't. It was Peter Pan ends up in real world. And Tinkerbell is his conscience? Yep. Tinkerbell is Julia Roberts. Yeah. With a bob. Apparently she's a nightmare to work with. On that movie. She's like, you couldn't look her in the eyes.

What? Oh, she's so tiny. Yeah, no, I'm not really that familiar with the Peter Pan story either. Like, I feel there's a lot that when I was a kid, I was like, this is for kids. Yeah, yeah. Let me watch something grown up. Yeah. Like, uh. Regis and Gabby Lee.

Yeah, like California dreams. Um, yeah, it's Peter Pan's. This is my best guess. Okay. Peter Pan has diarrhea. Yeah, it's Peter Pan's. This is my best guess. Okay. Peter Pan has diarrhea. Yeah, and it comes out his throat. In a dramatic, exorcist-like...

Not out his mouth, out his throat. Yeah, it's disgusting. Someone's... Captain Cook slits his throat. Yeah, and diarrhea flies all over the front row. It's just mushroom soup, but it's meant to look like that. Yeah, and then Gallagher comes up.

Why is it mushroom soup? That's worse. Well, it's not worse. It's like muddy water, but mushroom soup. It's like chunks. Oh. I'm not sure about that. It's like chunks. Oh.

So, Jean, I would rather be sprayed with real diarrhea. No, muddy water. Not diarrhea. Mixed up. You made your choice. I'd rather be. Reservation's complete. Real diarrhea.

Yeah. He's like, your next phone call. You with the diarrhea hose. Hey guys, this is Matt from Virginia. My boss the other day was telling a story about having to go pick her mom up, who was very drunk at a redneck bar. Her mom is an older lady who really likes to tell a joke. And the joke that she likes to tell is, hey, if a guy washed his cock, would you suck it? And then when the person says yes or no, she says, you're a dirty cocksucker. Or I guess if she says no, she says, you're a dirty cocksucker.

And the other day, I guess while she was so drunk, she couldn't remember her own joke, just like I couldn't. And she was so drunk, she said to a woman, hey, if a guy washed his cock, or no, she said, hey, would you, never mind. But what if you said? Yes, there's no end to that joke. Oh, okay. Thank you for participating in our survey. I want to hold the mummies. That's her go-to joke.

Always. Christmas, Thanksgiving. I got a zinger for you guys. I like that he described it as she likes to tell a joke. And it's a joke. And it's this joke. Yeah. Oh, man.

Pretty good. Pretty good. I think he called back again. Like, he got the joke down. But we don't need that. We don't honor that. If you call us and you mess up, that's... Better believe that's the one. That's the highlight of my day.

Okay, you guys. Final overheard of 2014. We're going to do it. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests. This is Jane calling from Edmonton. I'm calling in with an overheard. The other day I took out my mom to go dress shopping for her 60th birthday party. And we were in the fitting rooms trying on some dresses.

And my mom struck up a conversation with the lady in the fitting room next door. The lady explained to my mom that she was buying a dress as the mother of the bride for a wedding, upcoming wedding. And my mom said to her, oh, you know, that dress looks great on you. You look awesome. To which the woman replied, yeah, well, the wedding is steamboat punk. Oh, God. Anyway, I thought that was kind of a... Steamboat punk?

Yeah. Like Mark Twain? Yeah, Mark Twain. Punk aesthetic. Meeting Wild Wild West. I like... meeting Wild Wild West. I guess you can have a steampunk wedding. Yeah. In this day and age.

Sure. No one cares. Would the minister just be like some sort of copper pot? Yeah, he'd be like a mechanical spider. Yeah. I'm still laughing at the last one. Yeah. That joke that mom likes to tell.

Mom's had some rosé. She's going to bust out her favorite joke. What theme weddings do you guys have in mind for your weddings? Oh, well, you know, Angry Birds. Okay. Yeah, one of them. Pac-Man. Yeah, Pac-Man, Minecraft. They don't all have to be video games. Oh, no, you know, Angry Birds is one of them. Pac-Man. Yeah, Pac-Man, Minecraft.

They don't all have to be video games. Oh, no, you're right. Dungeons and Dragons. I guess like a surprise wedding where one person doesn't know that the wedding's happening. Would you like to be surprised or would you like to surprise the girl or woman? I don't know. Surprise me. You know?

I also Peter Pan because I'm a big fan of that. Yeah, sure. The musical. Yeah, Peter Pan. I see that. Yeah. Okay. You know, I don't know.

Oh, no. Here come the pirate people. Oh, no. It's a crocodile with a clock in his stomach. That's one of the things. A glock or a clock? Clock. Clock. Neither. None of the above. The glock or a cock? Clock. A clock.

Neither. None of the above. No, because the whole point he ticks. It's like tick, tick, tick. Because he ate a clock, right? Yes. Yeah. Well, because he wanted to see time fly?

Yes, exactly. He wanted to see time digest? He wanted to see time fly out of his butt. We're grown up. Yeah. One of us is 40. Yeah. I don't know who.

Jane, this brings us to the end of the program. What would you like to plug? Where can people find you online if they want to connect with Jane Stanton? At my house. At your house. At thejanestanton.com. Thejanestent.com. Thejanestent.com.

That's it. And that's it? That's everything there? Not Jane Stanton? No, there's no tour dates in there. They'll be in there. Okay, yeah. Okay.

Not Jane Stanton, Twitter. You got any shows coming up? Oh, not Jane Stanton is your Twitter name. Yeah. So you're the Jane Stanton and then you're not Jane Stanton? Yeah, I couldn't get it. I couldn't get it on Twitter. You couldn't get the Jane Stanton? Yeah, I couldn't get Jane Stanton. Why don't you change your website to not Jane Stanton? Because you're not Jane Stanton, make up your mind. I couldn't get it on Twitter. You couldn't get the Jane Stanton?

Yeah, I couldn't get Jane Stanton. Why don't you change your website to not Jane Stanton? Because you're stupid. Touché. She's got you dead to right. I did. That's about it.

Okay. Shows, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Do you have a show coming up that you want to plug? I'm in Calgary now. So you don't want to plug anything? All right.

Fair enough. Well, thanks for being our guest. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Yeah. You know, thanks for sharing your tattoos with us. No problem. That sounded weird, but okay.

If you like the show, you should head over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap that has pictures and videos relating to the content of this podcast. Surely some sort of Peter Pan Sure. The song. Clown Prince of Baseball. Oh, I love that guy. Yeah, so everybody can see what that guy's face is like. He's like a rung below

the San Diego chicken. Maybe a rung above. Yeah, I think a rung above. He's a real guy. Yeah, but he files his taxes and everything. I feel like the same. I don't know. They're both like characters who would go around to minor league baseball parks and like, hey, we got this guy for a night. What's the guy that has the, he's like, he's nondescript and he has like a horn for a,

and he's a mascot. What is he called? The Philly Fanatic. Philly Fanatic. Thank you very much. A horn for a what? For a mouth. For a mouth. Instead of a mouth, he's got a horn. A horn for a what? For a mouth. For a mouth.

Instead of a mouth, he's got a horn. Do you not know what I'm talking about? Not at all. Jane, get back on Facebook. I got it. I just got it. Oh, God. And if you like the show, do we have anything to plug?

We don't have anything to plug. I think we're done plugging things. Unless there's John Doerr show. No, don't even worry about that. It's totally going to be sold out. Oof. Thanks to everyone for voting for us in the Canadian Comedy Awards. We lost.

At the time of this recording, it's still open. And even when it comes out, we don't know yet. But come on. But come on now. And thanks for listening to the show. And if you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.