Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 34 - Simon King

Episode Date: October 18, 2008

Comedian Simon King stops in to talk about athletes in commercials and human statues.  We also blow the lid off a new segment.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! All right. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, and bumpers all over North America and the rest of the world, to number 34 of the podcast, Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark, and joining me here in the downtown, not downtown, but in the East Side Villa,

Downtown, not downtown, but in the East Side Villa, is cosmonaut and the first man ever to wage a successful lawsuit against Victoria's Secret, Dave Shumka. Thank you. I am here. And the lawsuit was for negligence. But boom! I don't even get it. Negligence. get it that was really good oh i'm very you are very funny and joining us here is a hilarious uh stand-up comic uh workhorse stand-up comic and somebody that's going to be featuring at the las vegas comedy fest that's the name of it las vegas

comedy festival uh the ever fantastic mr simon king how's it going buddy i'm good how are you Featuring at the Las Vegas Comedy Festival. That's the name of it. Las Vegas Comedy Festival. The ever-fantastic Mr. Simon King. How's it going, buddy? I'm good. How are you? Oh, excellent. Thanks for coming to the show. Thanks for having me.

I'm excited. I'm a fan. You have a beard these days. I have a beard. Yeah, which is new. That's a new Bruno Jerusy twist. It's Bruno Jerusy. That's what I went for.

I was flipping through my CBC annual that I get, I was like what can I get that's Bruno Jersey-esque Now do you go Because you have a lady friend Up here in the coof So is the fact that you are able You go down to LA for a couple weeks Then you're allowed to have facial hair And then you come back up

It was her idea Here's the thing about the beard No one else will hit on you. No. That's a good call. Without the beard, where they can see more of my face, I'm less likely to stray. I asked her once. I said, because my girlfriend is quite out of my league, as most women are.

Any woman is out of my league. But I asked her once. Any woman's out of all of our collective league. I asked her once. I'm like, have you ever worried I'll cheat on you on the road? She laughed for like 20 minutes. She's like, you do what you got to do. I've never seen that sort of security out of a woman before.

I felt good and bad all at the same time. Like, hey, she's not jealous. She's laughing. She's doing the thing in the brown paper bag. She's like rolling around. Oh, that's rich. No, the beard, she, because I was, what I had is, I often keep stubble on my face to look less like a baby. Right.

Yeah, because you do, you have a very youthful look. Like a giant baby. Yeah, but then a lot of people don't know, when you kind of push your jaw back into your neck, you can look like the guy from the Ghostbusters symbol. I can look like the guy from the Ghostbusters symbol, I can look like the guy from the Ghostbusters symbol. And I have a hairstyle similar to that. Yeah, you do. And that's out of control now, too. The hair has just gone crazy.

We don't even know what's happening. I'm surprised that your hair can still go up with that much girth on it. Like, eventually it's going to fall down, right? Hair girth. It does. And this is why I go through ridiculous amounts of hair product. Yeah. And I wash my hair every day, which they say you don't.

A salve? A balm? A mud? Maybe a mud? A paste? A cream wax. A cream wax. Wow. It's nice. You could really... Honest to God, you could have a fantastic pompadour. With that hair? I've had a pompadour in the past long time

ago. I can still remember is there anything you haven't done? be funny yet oh come on we always like to start the show if you're new to the program with a little segment we've got a new segment this week

according to a listener we needed one so stay tuned for that but this is one of our tried and trues. A little segment we like to call Get to Know Us. Get to Know Us. So we already know that you're going to the Las Vegas thing. You're almost like monthly or bimonthly. You're here.

You're in L.A. You're back and forth. You're bi-coastal. You're bi-slash you're here you're in la you're back and forth you're you're by by slash coastal um so are you um what else is going on well here's the tell us what's going on recently what's shaking up okay uh i i live i have an apartment in la that i live in theoretically all of the time but uh as with comedians, how you make your living is on the road.

Up here, I'm a headliner. I can do that. I can call and get work. What work there is. Down in LA and America, I don't exist. They don't know who I am. They're like, who? Okay. And so that's why I'm here. And also with the lady situation too,

it's very painful to be. I mean, we've been together for coming up on nine years now. So it's like a marriage, right? You're almost a centennial? Is that what happens at 10 years? The deca? Isn't it the deca? Don't deck her.

Don't deck her. No, the dodecahedron anniversary. I think this one is bad credit. But no, in order to do that, I like to come home. And plus, I really like Vancouver. It's home and I love it. The air is fresh here. And you can do a lot of shows

here with actual audience members in them. And you were saying we're in the kitchen, we were talking about it down in LA. During kitchen chat. Not a feature. The warm-up, the pre- kitchen, we had dip where you were vetting me for the role of a podcast guest yeah where i was being vetted it was down it was a casting coach and simon knew what to do i can roll my r's i don't know what that means

it means you're filthy russian isn't that right? A filthy Russian. I love it. But you were saying there's no, like, down in L.A., there's, like, shows, but there's nobody at these shows. Well, no, not entirely, but, yeah, most of the time, like, because there's no shortage of mic time, but the quality of that mic time can be sometimes quite poor. Like, you'll go to these open mics that everyone goes, this is the place where all the comics work out. This is the place you want to go down here and you show up and it literally is just comedians and it turns into this weird workshop, which is fine, but

playing in the back of the room isn't going to forever. It's not going to get you that far, I think. You need audience members eventually to see. You call that playing in the front of the room? If there's people just in the front row? If it's just the comedians? If there's just two people sitting in the front row and then two in the back row what if there's just two audience members but they're sitting in the back row then you're technically

playing in the back of the room no i always played at the table closest empty or full i always play to the varnished i always bounce my words off the varnished surface if i can see myself in la oh it's everywhere. Tell me about it. Oh, yeah. Well, what are you doing up here in Vancouver? I am back. I came home to do some shows and a friend of mine is producing some plays

at the Havana this week. Oh, cool. So the girlfriend's birthday was like a couple weeks ago and I came up for that. The girlfriend? Surprise, surprise. The girlfriend.

I can't remember her name. It sounds like a good name for a movie starring, I don't know Aniston Aniston or a Queen Latifah oh

the girlfriend it's like two things what if it was Aniston and Queen Latifah oh dos girlfriends por favor that's what it would be

called in Mexico Aniston is big in Mexico I don't know if you've ever been down there to Aniston, Mexico it's a great town it's really nice you're making that up that's, Mexico. It's a great town. It's really nice. You're making that up.

That's not a thing. It's a real place. It's not a real place. Aniston. Aniston. Aniston, Mexico. But yeah, so I came home and then I got this festival. So I was like, I'll just do some stage time up here.

Because it's easier to get consistent stage time in front of decent audiences. Now you're doing a festival in Las Vegas. Las wages come on word yeah high five nice that was just a lot of high five hey when you're in la do you ever refer to it as l lay how about los angeles how about one of those that's nice i like it that's not mine i'm gonna somebody else next time i get off the plane i'm gonna be like los ang Angeles when you land in Los Angeles do they give do they put a lay on you usually yeah yeah you want when you land in Los Angeles it's uh somebody comes up with a clap board has you come on yeah they go well yeah some guy gets off the plane from the midwest i'm gonna

be a star action and then you just take his wallet but that's not yeah no i didn't see the clapboard it just distracts him shiny clip oh where's my camera um have you ever been to las vegas i have never been to vegas in all my travels vegas baby you went You went to Vegas? I went to Vegas last year. You won that competition. That's fabulous. I went to Vegas last year and I saw Jerry Seinfeld. Who?

And to a lesser extent, I saw Jay Leno. Didn't you also see Rita Redner? No. I just stood in front of a Rita Redner poster. Nice.

She was there? What was your favorite? Where did you stay? What hotel did you stay at? The Imperial Palace. Oh. I don't know anything about it. Is that the one that's shaped like a Chinese?

Yeah, it is. It's Chinese themed and they have celebrity impersonator dealers, blackjack dealers. But only Chinese celebrities. Please tell me you went to a blackjack dealer. No, I didn't play any gambles. you went to a blackjack dealer no i didn't play any gambles but uh some of them were like oh i guess shania twain is recognizable enough to have an impersonator i saw twin at the uh calgary stampede i had twin many months ago shania twin that like nearly neil yeah the number one shania twin tribute have you been to ve Grand? Yes. I was there

in the later 90s. I went there. So should we give Simon some tips for Las Vegas? I was going to ask if you could give me some tips. Well, you're staying, you said you were staying at Caesars. As far as I know, that's where we're putting me up. There's two ends of the strip as far as I go, but this was now,

this is going on like 10 years ago, so he's probably done a lot of renovation, but the one end of the strip, you know when you watch CSI and there's the end with the, it looks like the CN Tower? Yeah. That's the end of old Vegas. Yeah, you won't go there. That's the one with the roller coaster on the top, right? On the top of it, yeah.

That's the tallest building west of the Mississippi. The mighty Mississippi. Is that right? Yeah. Well, I don't know which one. Are you talking about the Mississippi or the mighty Mississippi? Oh, right? Yeah. Well, I don't know which one. Are you talking about the Mississippi or the mighty Mississippi? Oh, muddy. Yeah.

Oh, muddy. But, yeah, so you will not go to that side ever. No, I won't. There's nothing that's too far. Yeah, no, there's a lot of... I heard the strip is like seven kilometers long or something. Yeah, and way down... I walked the entire length of it, and one of the...

When you get down there, the flamingo was still there yep i don't know if it's still when i was there uh i think the sands maybe were still there and it was being torn down i think the flamingo's still there when i was there uh tony braxton was the uh in-house artist. Of the Minnesota Braxtones. Yeah. Tony Braxton. I haven't heard that name since before you were born. Hmm.

That's weird. That was in the original Star Wars. Tony Braxton was in the original. Tony Braxton's easily frightened, but you'll be back in the Flamingo all week. When is the Braxton? Yeah, so there's like the Flamingo. There's a couple remnants of the old Vegas. And then as you push up towards New Vegas,

it's kind of intermediate Vegas where Circus Circus is. Circus Circus is fucking creepy. Really? Yeah. Do you go to Circus Circus? Is Circus Circus, like, I don't know. This is how naive I am about things. Is circus circus, is it just like a circus, but twice as good?

No, it's circus circus. Yeah, it's two circuses. It's two. It's circus. So what kind of circus are you, like, is it an animal circus, or is it like a circus to sleaze? There's no actual circus. No.

It's circus themed. It's everything is. It's circus themed? Yeah, like New York, New York Is only one hotel And it's New York themed That's not creepy at all then No it is Cause if you

Have you ever seen the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Yes Remember when he goes up And they buy the monkey And they're on the They're on a merry-go-round He's remembering all this stuff

Oh yeah yeah yeah That actually was filmed At Circus Circus And that's what Circus Circus Looks like That country Like it's all Yeah it's all clowns And But everything is That actually was filmed at Circus Circus, and that's what Circus Circus looks like. That country. Yeah, it's all clowns and bats. But everything is a pretty good reasonable facsimile of...

I imagine people go to Vegas sometimes, and they're like, well, I'm never going to get to go to Paris, so I might as well just go to Paris and Vegas. Well, I don't think anybody says that. Did they have the Iraq experience in Vegas yet? Did they have that? No, it's coming soon.

Green Zone, the casino? It's being built, but every time they build it, somebody comes in and blows it up. McCain walked through and said it was fine. We try not to get political on this podcast. Did you mean McCain's french fries? Because then we can go off on a rant about that. I meant the guy with the tainted meat. Or McCain the juice with Roberto Alomar.

Oh, Roberto Alomar. Dream boat. What was the line? Somebody would go like this. This is the line. The announcer would go, Roberto, what's your favorite pitcher? And then he would go in his heavy, heavy accent.

Dominican accent. The one with the good punch. Before, just to get a little bit off track, do you remember those Donovan Bailey commercials with the Maple Leaf Franks where he'd run along the giant hot dog? Do you remember that? Running a giant hot dog?

And I'd like to think, even at the time, I would have been, I don't know, like 18 or something or whatever. And I remember thinking at the time, that can't be the kind of thing that sprinters eat, is giant hot dogs? And I'd like to think, even at the time, I would have been, I don't know, like, 18 or something or whatever. And I remember thinking at the time, that can't be the kind of thing that sprinters eat, is giant hot dogs. And it did look for a while like he was either trying to escape from the hot dog, or like, trying to

race the hot dog. He was not in full stride though. He was running in place, and they were doing a little green screenage. That's before computers. That was before advertisers figured shit out, I think. Do they have a thing where Michael Phelps

does a thing? Swims into a Twinkie? Swims through a giant pool of Coca-Cola? The Coca-Cola pool. I like a good hot dog. That's when you know you've made it. That's when you've arrived. You like a good hot dog? What's the number one hot dog? You guys, we're all from Vancouver. What's the number one hot dog? You guys, we're all from Vancouver.

What's the number one hot dog in Vancouver? Oh, I don't know. Mr. Tube Steak on the street? Yeah, Mr. Tube Steak would be up there. Or Japa Dogs. Japa Dogs is delicious. There's a corner place on Granville Island in the market that sells a pretty amazing hot dog. I like the ones at GM Place, the Jumbo Classic dogs.

Hey, there you go. Not only, what is it, $9.99? dogs hey there you go not only what is it 9.99 yeah yeah why not roughly wow but buy yourself a rolling stone and a licorice or a hot dog yeah that's what i said i i yeah there was a vendor that uh used to be across the street from the art gallery and uh it was like this it was like this one he had like a beat-up hot dog cart that's why i liked him because he just looked like his hot dog cart. Maybe when he hooked it up to the back of his car. He just didn't hook up properly.

And it fell over. And it just dragged it. And it was like, eh, screw it. And that was a good hot dog. He's pulling along a white picket fence behind him. And he's the guy. Remember, he was the guy that would hum while he would cook the onions. He was like, where's this guy?

In the corner of what? He used to be across from the art gallery. We're talking maybe five years ago now. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I vaguely remember that guy. And then the hippies moved in and took it away from him.

And then there's that chestnut guy at Christmas. Always parked out in front of the art gallery. Shifty. Don't even know. I don't want your... Don't want.

Do not want. Dave, let's get to know you. What's going on with you, buddy? Well, Graham, you were chasing around my dog today. Yeah, and's get to know you. What's going on with you, buddy? Well, Graham, you were chasing around my dog today. Yeah, and I had an automatic allergic reaction. Can I say he's adorable? I just met him.

Grandpa. Wow. What a delight. Well, yesterday, sometimes I'll chase him around, mostly for his benefit, because he likes exercise. Yeah, give his heart some pumps. But usually when I chase him around i use my human advantages the side the fact that i'm so much bigger than he

than he is and i'm smarter your car uh yeah my car the fact that i can i like i have a bank account uh but uh yesterday i was like oh maybe it'll be fun if i just chase him and i don't try to outsmart him so i was chasing him yesterday and i went from room to room and then we ended up in the living room and he just decided oh i can help he won't catch me if i just keep going around and around the the coffee the coffee table yeah that's where he took me today yeah yeah and so i chased him around probably 20 times 20 30 minutes yes no no 20 times and i uh felt nauseous i have a pretty weak stomach but i thought like it was a big enough circle that it wouldn't make me dizzy but i was wrong and it wrecked me for about like

i'm still feeling it right now from yesterday and you had in the meantime you had all that sauerkraut going on i know the stove and you're like wow that's garbage i'm not gonna get it uh do you when i like my stomach is so weak that uh when i go how weak is it week that when I go... How weak is it? Let me tell you guys. No, I don't have a punchline. But when I go to amusement parks,

I have to take a gravel. See, that's what you should have said. When I go to amusement parks, I gotta take a gravel. What was that? That was great. Is anybody going to go to the Halloween experience at the P&E? I don't know.

No? I don't know. If I'm here, I might. What about the Spooky Train? Do they do the Spooky Train? Pacific National Exhibition. Do they still do the Spooky Train, the Halloween train? Oh, yeah.

In Stanley Park? They still do that? Graham and I did that a couple years ago. It was the latest. Is it very frightening? It is. If you like lining up. Oh, boy.

And if you like disappointment. If you're a huge fan of disappointment. I'm a comic. All right. Well, then, hey, buddy. If you like being disappointed. We went...

If I recall correctly, it was very cold. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And they do that just for that experience. It's just frosted up. They cool the whole park

right down. Fire extinguishers just spraying them on your face. Yeah, for anyone who doesn't know, in Vancouver, there is a large park called Stanley Park where we send our tourists. And there's a train that goes through it. And at Christmas, it's a Christmas-themed train. And at Halloween, it's a Halloween-themed train.

And then on Remembrance Day, it's a war-themed train. Yep. Valentine, the's a, the train just goes in and out of a... The Remembrance Day one. The Remembrance Day one is depressing because they just

keep putting Jews on it. Oh, come on. What is that? What? What? Yeah. I'm,

I may be offended. On the Canada Day one, it's Chinese workers building the rail. As it goes. I thought it would add offense with offense. I like it. I like how you swing for the offenses. You absolve them.

But yeah, we went on the Halloween one and really not spooky at all. It's apparently meant for children. Yeah, they did like a B-mo movie theme was the year that we were there so it's like the attack of the 50 foot woman and uh some guy in a gorilla suit actually the gorilla suit one was quite well done if i recall correctly because it was a like a king kong homage and that was pretty good but the one that i remember being really quite hilarious was there was a guy who came up right to the trolley and said something to you and he was like looked like a director oh yeah he was

wearing writing pants and he came up to you and he was like look scared and i think one of the four of us said fuck off it's all it's all these actors right from town because like it's all like local actors and improvisers that do it and so yeah every year that comes right because then they also at christmas time they have those people that those living statues in the mall in pacific center and i just thought that would be like these these these seasonal gigs are great i guess yeah oh is that at christmas they do yeah but it's christmas have you ever seen them in like pacific center and they dress in like crazy cars and they stand for like i guess it's four hours when i uh a few years ago i went to europe and uh we went to barcelona and and las rablas is the the

big uh pedestrian street in barcelona and it was rife rife yeah with these or ripe sure might have Or ripe. Sure. Might have been ripe. With these human statues. And while you were saying that, I remembered that the most popular human statue was the guy on the toilet. Oh, I like that. That you don't see all the time outside. Yeah. And plus the biggest disadvantage of being a human statue is bathroom breaks. But he has the problem. So, now, you say guy on a toilet.

Was he, like, painted up, like, in silver, like, all silver paint? Like, you know how they do the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was he like that? Or was he just a guy on a toilet? I think he was just a guy on a toilet. And maybe there was a horrible mistake being made. But maybe the toilet was a robot toilet.

Oh, a robot toilet. Oh, okay. Because there just could be some guy and someone took away the edge of the porta potty, like, in a crazy, crazy college prank. And then somebody came by and threw in, what did they got there in Barcelona? A dinero? What do they got? A euro.

A euro. And they just threw a euro in? A dinero? That shows you how international I am. Just came down and did hack impressions at him. This is for you, toilet man. The, um... Oh. It's like how I'm tired of this. this is for you toilet man the oh it's like I'm tired of this

I do a great De Niro but there's no talking involved the in Prague there was a lot of the human statues but the greatest and it's my thing

and I would take a lot of photos of them and I have a lot of photos of them is human statues on break. And there was two that were dating each other, and they were sitting by a fountain. So they were making out on their break. But they were from two different time periods, right? Like one was, you know, like a kind of a very kind of 13th century, and then one was more kind of modern day, supposed to look like a copper statue, and they were making out. It was a forbidden love.

Wow. That's frog for you. It was a forbidden love that shouldn't have happened. Stuff will happen. I saw one in San Francisco, and the guy was on roller skates, old school roller skates, as a statue. And I always thought that was kind of stupid. That's cool.

Because it's a very hilly city. Oh, no. Yeah, wait. He's standing straight. I gather he was like, either he didn't have any shoes to leave the house that day. He was like, ah, they're all in the wash. I'll just put on roller skates. Or he was just like, this would be great because I'll be like a moving statue.

And I guess the idea is that he could move his feet. And it would look more robot-like instead of because he could move his feet. Oh, he was a robot. Well, he was doing like the statue moving statue thing. But he was, you know how they don't move? You know, like one of them moving statues? Yeah. You know when they give you the money?

Like he doesn't move until you give him money. And then he'll be like, oh, that's cool. If I had to describe what a robot was to somebody who came up from the past, I would be like, it's like a moving statue. Would you go, but what about a Roomba? A Roomba's a robot. I've never seen a statue of a Roomba. Huh? Hey.

Yeah. It rings radiologically. Ouch. How about it, our community? Yeah. Deal with that. Get up in it. Hey? Yeah. Deal with that. Get up in it.

Hey, Graham. Yeah, buddy. I guess I want to get to know you. Come on. I want to get to know Graham Clark. Can't say no to that face. Well, the big story, I guess. I'm going to Edmonton tomorrow.

Back to Albert Huss. Haven't been there for, well, it's been almost a year since I've been back in the Albertas. Wow. So I'm excited or trepidatious. You seem trepidatious. I was trepidatious because I didn't think I had any accommodations up until an hour ago when I realized that I am actually, there's a hotel and everything's good. But you're a native son of the Alberta, aren't you? I am a native son of the Calgary, Alberta.

I'm going to Edmonton. My brother and his girlfriend are going to come up and watch the show on Friday night. And a friend of mine from school is going to come up. So it's going to be a hootenanny. A win-win situation. Well, I'm not going to lose. Nope. Well, I might lose.

I don't know. We'll see how this wet jet flight plays out. Sometimes you get a cookie. Sometimes they've run out of cookies. You know what I mean? So that becomes win-lose. You got a TV, though. You get a little TV on the WestJet now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm excited about that. And what else has gone on? Last night I went and I did a poetry slam. Nice. I didn't poetry slam. I just told jokes. Who would?

Your jokes are like poetry. Hey. Look at that. Yeah. So I did that, and I realized I think it's really probably – like I get it now. I used to read poetry a lot, and then not so much anymore. Your own?

No, no, no. I used to just read poetry, lot and then you know and then not so much anymore but your own uh no no i used to read poetry like a book form uh you know jewel your jewels uh michael madsen has a book of poetry he does apparently michael madsen has a book of poetry and i would love to get a hang on it yeah i'd love to read that the michael poetry i can't imagine what's in it. Who's the guy I always confuse him with? Oh, I don't know. Michael, is it somebody else? Michael Madsen is the tough guy. Yeah, he's like the big guy. Not Dylan, not Matt Dylan.

Nope. Tom Sizemore. Oh, Tom Sizemore. In a future episode, we'll do a Madsen or Sizemore. We can do Breakdown the Pros and Cons, Tale of the Tape. You want to do a Madsen or Sizemore? We can do Breakdown the Pros and Cons, Tale of the Tape. You want to do a Madsen or Sizemore? We'll see. We'll see.

I'm in. Tale of the Tape. I like it. But yeah, anyway, so I realized last night, really in quite a dramatic fashion, that I get why guys do that. For ladies. Well, there's a lot of very artsy, beautiful young ladies down there

that are very into the gents that do the poetry. So it doesn't pay money, but in Puntang, the dividends are... So is this the emergence of the Graham Clark poet? No, I'm not. The Lord Byron Clark?

Yeah, well, I mean, okay, if the American Puntang economy goes down the toilet because of the Puntang economy is that what we're yeah well I mean okay if the American Puntang economy goes down the toilet because of the Puntang housing crisis then yes then yes then I will probably

invest in the poetry there's no way for Puntang to live but it can come and live in my house it would get that bad the Chinese Puntang crisis the Puntang crisis

the Puntang dynasty but oh and here's the thing this is an item that I would like to bring up The Puntang Dynasty. But, oh, and here's the thing. This is an item that I would like to bring up because it's kind of the perfect place. On last week's episode, or no, not last week's, but the week before. The Crumbs? The Crumbs episode.

We were talking with Crumbs and I brought up that I saw on late night TV American Gladiators with a guy called purple roundy uh it is good it's good when somebody else discovers it for the first time yeah we really didn't appreciate it at the time you're like david blaine you won't be appreciated in your own life by Purple Roundy. When they're handing out names. So Purple Roundy was a demolition driver. And a gladiator. And a gladiator.

And then Dave actually did some research and found that he has a website. And then somebody today sent us an artistic rendering. Yeah, on our Facebook group, someone posted an artistic rendering of Purple Round on our Facebook group someone posted an artistic rendering of Purple Roundy. So he's a gladiator? No, no, he was one

of the volunteers. We'll show you it after the show. Volunteers? Well, that's what I always called them. Contestants. So he signed up to be on national TV. I've never watched American Gladiators. Is it like they can use well just make up a character no no no back in the day they've got a new version now but back

in the day the classic american gladiators hogan pre-hall cogan okay it was uh hosted by some kind of football player uh and it was it was john elway it wasn't john elway it wasn't br Elway I thought it was the fridge Dan Marino Dan Marino and the fridge hosted stop you've hit oil and two tall germs Dan Marino and the fridge I don't care what it is

move to Beverly it's done get him a couch and some cameras and we'll be Goldberg you had me at the fridge remember when the fridge used to do

AM PM ads oh really did he for the convenience store yeah no just for the time he would he would

it was for Greenwich meantime I don't I don't know what 11 it is AM oh thanks fridge he would rap in them by the way he would rap here's the thing that I don't know what 11 it is. Oh, thanks, fridge.

He would rap in them, by the way. Here's the thing that, going way off the rails, the fridge. There are no rails. Back in the day, in comic books, and you don't know this, Abby may recall this. Abby Campbell, Dave's girlfriend, who's also her own person. Dave's girlfriend, who's also her own person. In comic books, you used to be able to order specialty G.I. Joes. Yes.

My brother ordered one. And one of them was the fridge. I think I do remember that. And his weapon was a giant sledgehammer. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Remember when you could make your own G.I. Joe that was like, it was like you.

It was like your G.I. Joe. I do remember that. But it was the hands and the face were covered up because they were too cheap to make like a black one and a white one and like an asian one they just didn't want so they're just like oh yeah your guy's a ninja and everyone was just so my brother ordered one and like filled out all this information and then he got it it's just this crappy gi joe yeah because he wore he wore a samurai mask or whatever and then it came with an id card that was like this is is Simon King. His abilities are making

magic milkshakes, or whatever. But it's just on a card. It's too close to home, man. I used to make... I used to unscrew my G.I. Joes, because you could unscrew them in the back. After you screwed psychologically?

And then they were held together with an elastic band in the middle, and then you could mix and match them and recreate different G.I. Joes. You could take one arm from one character and a leg from Lady Jane. I wouldn't touch Lady Jane. No, Lady Jane was perfect the way she was. Scarlet, though. Scarlet the harlot. You'd do whatever. How bad is that movie going to gi joe the movie is there a gi the movie what yeah how have i not heard of this the lead is uh me please as sergeant slaughter

it's no who's the lead is um it's somebody okay someone plays duke is duke the lead no no no it's a joe okay we're gonna break this down we to figure it out. Who's the guy that plays the cousin in the vacation movies? Randy Quaid. His brother. Dennis Quaid. Dennis Quaid. He's the lead in G.I. Joe. Yeah, I can see that because he's got that sort of Harrison Ford-y look.

Yeah. Yeah, lordy, lordy. Now, obviously, there's a Cobra. Dennis Quaid's Harrison Ford-y. So, obviously, there's going to be a Cobra Commander, right? A Cobra Commander. So who is that? I don't know.

I don't think it's a big, like, it's not a big star vehicle. I've seen a picture of Snake Eyes, and I can't tell who it is. Well, it's because Snake Eyes wore a little tooter. Sheila Buff, probably. He's in everything. But they're also making a Street Fighter movie. Again. Another one?

With Kristen Kruk as Chun-Li. I don't like the idea, because those movies kill Raul Julia. Right. They're going to just keep killing Raul Julia. And Jean-Claude Van Damme's career. He's back. That's what I say. As what? JCVD. JCV back. That's what I say. As what?

JCVD. JCVD. That was his big festival circuit film. JCVD. Yeah. It's about, it's literally about him. Jesus Christ Venereal Disease. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ Venereal Disease. The Broadway musical. It's just him curing people's syphilis. With his kung fu. I'll kick the warts right off you thanks jimsy so joe club man has got to be like in his late 50s now though i'd say early i would say early

50s but yeah here's the thing i heard about him and i don't know if this is true i heard that he was the muscles from brussels oh i knew that that is true this i heard that uh he was the original um predator monster like the predator but they fired him after like two or three days. He was the guy in the Predator suit? He was the guy in the Predator suit, but they fired him after two or three days. No, I thought that you just meant that he was like, they had the Predator monster and then Jean-Claude Van Damme, and they were like, let's go with him. He's got a funny accent. He's scary.

And the Predator monster goes back to his roommates like, I don't have the money. And then they went with like, because the Predator monster was like six five or something six six or something it was huge and they went john claude van damme is four he's like tiny but i heard now i don't know if that's true but i i've heard that a few times that he was actually fired that was like one of his first job because i know he was in wasn't he breaking two electric boogaloo just for one scene i think and he was in monaco forever as uh I believe the character was actually called The Gay Guy. The Gay Guy, yeah. Which we've...

We have posted a clip of him. Yeah, we have. We talk about JCVD a lot. Well, do you remember Foreign Legion, right? Legionnaire. Legionnaire, sorry. Legionnaire. What did you think of that movie?

I never saw it. Really? At the end, doesn't his buddy have to off himself? Yes, I believe it is. Yeah, yeah. Spo yeah because he was the guy that was in reverse yeah he was the guy that was going to catch jean-claude van damme but you can't catch remember that you can't catch you can catch uh jcvd though you can't end of segment nice callback do you want to move on to Overheard? Let's call up an Overheard. Overheard.

Have you ever heard the story about when Bruce Lee somebody jumped the fence in his place? Because that was the big thing. Let's see if I can knock out Bruce Lee. Mr. Tough Guy Bruce Lee. Somebody jumped the fence of his property. He was always very peaceful and would always bow out of these fights So somebody jumped the fence of his property. He was always very peaceful and would always kind of bow out of these fights. Somebody jumped the fence of his personal house, and he went out,

and he punched the guy once or twice or whatever. But the guy ended up in hospital for like a month. Well, Bruce Lee's got kids. You've got to protect yourself, right? And fist of fire. Oh, tell me about it. Can you name one of Bruce Lee's kids? Brandon.

Oh, too soon. Yes. Because if I had gone with Lisa Marie or whatever the daughter's name is, I don't know Lisa Marie Lee. Ray Dawn. Ray Dawn Lee. Later. I always get Tommy Chong and Bruce Lee mixed up. Uh, overheard.

Not when trying to get somebody to back you up in a fight, though. In heaven. Hey, man. Tommy Chong isn't dead no that's why if you called out Tommy Chong to back you up you'd be fuckered

yeah but in a heaven fight or earth all those heaven fights yeah or in earth yeah but if you called out Tommy Chong on earth

you'd be better off than calling out Bruce Lee you'd just get shached unless it was the ghost of Bruce Lee we've had this conversation a thousand times

it goes nowhere. Are we doing overheard? Yes. Should we lead with the guest? Lead with Dave? No, you said you had a couple. I have a couple that I'd like to go later. No, let me start because mine's weak.

All right. We'll start weak. And then we'll try and build. That's my secret fear. Okay, well, we'll see how it works. I was at the hotel in Kelowna, and I went in the workout area, and I went on their treadmill, and I was on there for a while. Right next to the elliptical?

Yeah. I'm just going to keep interrupting. Way too close to the elliptical, actually. They didn't space them out right at all, and I walked in. There was a girl on the elliptical, and I got on the treadmill. She left the second I got on the treadmill. She tried to make it inconspicuous like it wasn't me. She was like, oh, and that's my time, coincidentally.

She was intimidated. Yeah, she was dry as a bone. I hadn't even broken sweat bead one, but that was it. What do you think I meant when I said dry as a bone? You made a face i didn't make a face you did too anyways there was uh there were two kids playing in the pool which you could see from where uh for the worker room was and then a mother kind of lying down and she was there for a conference or something and she wasn't really paying attention to what the

kids were doing. And as I was walking out, the kids, I only picked it up just as I was kind of heading back into the hotel. But the one kid was, they were playing some kind of game. But the game was, as far as I could ascertain from what the kids were saying, was the kids said, I will drownded you, and then you can drown in me. But the mother was just lying there like, God, oh, it's hot. But that's

all I picked up from it was one girl saying, I get to drown in you, then you can drown in me. Did they keep mispronouncing drown? Yeah, no, it was drown. Yeah, or maybe it wasn't. Maybe they were talking about something else. That's the deal that Bruce Lee made with Tommy

Chong. You can drown in me. I'm allowed to punch you in the stomach. And then it ruptured his kidneys. Oh, that was Harry Houdini. There's a guy who'll back you up in a heaven fight. Yeah. He's always got those chains with him. That's a

swing in the ground on his head. I'll make your life disappear. He's always got those chains with him. I'll make your life disappear. That's the kind of thing he'd say. He's old-timey. I'll make your pain reappear. One of those. He almost drowned. Yeah.

So it ties up. It makes sense. It was a 12-year-old girl who did it, too, if I recall correctly. So not the best overheard, a good i think a good one to uh to start off this game let's roll over to dave sure what you got uh my overheard is from an episode of tyra it's a television show starring tyra banks i don't know if you've seen it oh i've she's delightful she's the news reporter she's the fridge right yeah she's just tyra banks for a while there there was a big hubbub about it. So choky.

The theme of this show was based on the hit of the summer, I Kissed a Girl. And I liked it. Because she wore a cherry chapstick. Something about that. Something about that. And they had these girls on. Hope my boyfriend don't mind. And they had these girls on.

Oh, my boyfriend don't mind. And apparently it's a new thing where girls will be at a club and they'll start kissing other girls when that song comes on. And it's to kind of get the attention of guys. And it's called Bar Sexual. Oh, okay. So that's the... Which is Roseanne Barr's sex tape. Right. From the late 80s. From the late 80s.

From the late 80s. Barr's sexual. So the idea is we'll kiss each other. Guys will come over. A vec boners. Right. Because the problem with girls in clubs is that guys ignore them. Yeah.

It doesn't work the other way around, though. You can't just make out with a dude and expect... It's always guys dancing with other guys. It's weird. And then the girl tries to break into the dance circle. The guys back her out. The guys go home dry as a bone. All the guys throw...

Hello! All the guys throw their wallets in the dance circle. You're all well-timed. That's how you get JCBD. Tyra asked these girls how they they there were these two girls on stage and they were friends and they had made out a few times sure in front of guys and tyra asked them uh how they first started this and uh they said that they were at a fair, a state fair, and they were walking along the midway, and they were arm in arm, and the carnival guy... A carny.

Well, they said carnival worker. Sure. That's classy. But we all knew carny. Midget. I kissed a carny, and my lips burned. The carnival worker asked, hey, are you two together? And they said, no,

we're just friends. And the carny was like, well, would you mind kissing for me? And they did. Wow. Oh, sure. Yeah, that's the great... Because when a carny asks you to kiss another girl... You do what carnies tell you. Yeah. That's a rule. Especially if it's a creepy sexual thing

to turn him on. That's the subtext of that song Was the girl kisses the other girl Because of Carney's watching That's one of the lyrics I kissed a girl and I liked it Because Carney was watching And there's a free ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl

Thing in there later on That's a hidden track Free ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl thing in there later on That's a hidden track Free ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl We don't need to sing anymore But we will We know what's going to happen Hey Simon I understand you have it overheard

I have a couple Now I was at a coffee shop today On the lovely Main Street The first one I was sitting next to this guy It all comes. The first one, I was sitting next to this guy. It all comes from this one gentleman that I was sitting next to. And he was typing away like a madman on his computer. And then he made a call. He placed the call.

And this is part of what he said. Now, first of all, I have to preface it. This is part of my overheard is the noise he was making. Now, at first I thought he must be sick, but I don't think it is. Because the noise that was coming out of him was like now he's sitting like right next to me the thing that was weird about that is

when the up tempo music occurred the speed of the it sped up the music so like he was excited while typing and then I can only suppose that when, you know, like, Michael Bolton comes on, he purrs like a kitten. And then during the phone conversation, I'm not entirely sure what was going on. At one point, I overheard this, would you like to trade this apartment for a donut shop?

There's a pause. I don't care what it looks like. I guess the truth is out there. I don't care what it looks like I guess the truth is out there now I don't know what's going on in that conversation but would you like to trade this apartment for a donut shop is one thing but then the pause

shortly followed by I don't care what it looks like I guess the truth is out there I have no idea I hope he was just leaving a message it's an x-file he was a little moldery didn't molder the whole time yeah yeah i think i really i like uh it's uh because it leaves you with that it's like an air of menace i had to

write it down like i actually had to text to myself i was like this is exciting i've been there buddy oh it's just you get you get to the point you're like oh i don't i don't know what he's doing sounds like a spy we have another overheard sent in by uh a bumper yeah oh bumper sorry bumper come on we gotta it's my first day is that what they're bumpers is that bumpers is what we call our fans yeah it's uh uh we said something accidentally wrong the first day and we stuck with it yeah we we didn't uh we didn't back down tom pettyty style. I'm running down a dream. Let's do this. A bumper named Katie sent us an MP3,

and you're welcome to do that at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com of your overheard. She sent this in. Have a listen. Okay. Hi, guys. My overheard is from a thrift store in St. Louis, Missouri, overheard is from a thrift store in St. Louis, Missouri. And I overheard a boy who was probably somewhere in middle school. He had one of those magic eight balls. He was holding the magic eight ball where you ask it a question and then it gives you the answer. And as I walked by, he was asking the magic eight ball,

will I be gay? And then a few seconds later, he said, will any of my friends or family be gay? And in case I'm not being clear, he was asking if he was gay, just in case you couldn't tell from my accent. And I saw who I thought was the boy's dad looking over at him, just kind of shaking his head. Like, why? Why is this my son?

Okay, thank you. I love the show. Bye-bye. Thank you so much, Katie. That was so good. It's very nice to hear a woman's voice. You know what? Because we do nice to hear a woman's voice. You know what? Because we do, we spend a lot of time. It was creepy, unnecessarily creepy. Well, Dave and I spend a lot of time in the bowels of a ship when we're not doing the podcast.

Buggering each other. I wondered why there was a ship. I call it cornhole. Why there was a ship on the street. But I also love when somebody will do something like that. They'll send an overheard and they will do the accent. It brings it right into it.

Possession of a magic eight ball is a sign that you may be in that 10%. But not only the child was worried, or he was concerned, worried, concerned, questioning whether he would be Guy and whether any of his friends and family would be guy.

But you'll have a whole new set of friends when you're guy. Oh, yeah. Especially if you live in St. Louis. Did you ever do the gag when you were playing, what do you call that, Ouija board? And you would just do the gag, like, because I have friends who took it very... No, I have friends who took it very seriously and then their questions were like... Wiccan? Were they Wiccan friends? Yeah, I had some Wiccan goth friends in the day.

It's a long story. That's Wiccan goth, man. Sorry. But I always do the thing. I would be like, Is Brian gay? And then I'd pull it away from him. Y-E-S. Or I'd be like, What is Brian gay? And then I'd pull it away from him. Y-E-S.

Or I'd be like, what is Brian? G-A-Y. That's a really broad question. What is Brian? You should be a customs official with that kind of just liberal behavior with people. Are you a terrorist?

Ouija board says yes. Take off your pants. I never played with a Ouija board. How did I? I've never played terrorist? Ouija board says yes. Take off your pants. I never played no Ouija board. Neither did I. I've never played with a Ouija board either. I didn't. Hungry, hungry hippos.

Killed a goat one time. Yeah, and at the end of Hungry, hungry hippos, nobody dies. There's your answers. At the end of Hungry, hungry hippos, everybody's gay. Was the pink one

the hungriest? That's how they sold it, wasn't it? Yeah. I win! I'm gay! So let's... Okay, we got a request. Was the pink one the hungriest? That's how they sold it, wasn't it? Yeah. I win! I'm gay! So let's... Okay, we got a request from a gentleman named Dylan on our Facebook group saying that we

needed some new segments, but basically adopting something that we kind of came up with as a segment when we did the John Doerr episode, episode 31. And maybe... I think we did it with crumbs as well kind of a time travel yeah we wanted to do a time travel themed one and a complete with theme song was the request and we're nothing if not uh accommodating yeah to our bumpers and we did have a theme song in our head all day. Yeah. So, Graham, do you want to sing the theme song to this time travel segment? I'm going back in time.

Yay! By Pink. That's by Pink. Plays in temporary pop artist Pink. I thought I heard it in there. Yeah. So, basically, what we did with John Doerr, and then I think with Crumbs as well, we discussed if you had the one shot at time travel, back or forwards, what would you do?

What would be your one thing you would do? It could be personal. It could be international. It could be professional. It could be amateur. It could be whatever you want it could be international it could be professional it could be it could be amateur it could be whatever you want it to be like if i had one i've only got one way ticket yeah you've got oh no you can come back like come back yeah you're gonna come back but you only you get one round trip ticket um what would you do what would simon king do i mean i love

history so the idea to go back would be so tempting but i mean i wouldn't be able to decide i wouldn't be able so what i'm gonna say yeah is is i would go forward and wish for unlimited wishes does that work no okay um no i think i would i think i would go forward um probably couple hundred years, 150 years, around there. Yeah. Within two centuries. Dos Centurios. Yeah, you don't want to go crazy.

No, I don't want to. Klingons. You don't want to be speaking new old English. Yeah, and then you go and the pantaloons are back for the third time. Oh, I always time travel in pantaloons. That's a given. I would go forward because I am really interested to see if we're still here. As a race.

As human beings. I'm just so curious to see. As a race, you actually meant white people. I meant as a white people. Whenever I say race, I mean white people. Whenever I say people, I mean white people. No, but I think I'm just really, like, I mean, I'm very excited to see, maybe it's morbid curiosity. I just want to see what the future would be like, whether we're going to be okay or not.

So you, but now, now here's the question. If you went to the future, say it's terrible. Say that it's all, you know, that there's no, there's not enough oxygen or atmosphere to sustain human life. It's just... Biff Tannen has this casino. Has this casino. There's robots walking around everywhere. Roombas have taken over.

Oh, welcome to Rubania. Oh, no. That guy on roller skates is running the whole thing. Do you go back in time to warn humanity to stave off and then thereby looking like a lunatic

being committed to an asylum et cetera, et cetera. Having to escape by putting a bleach in a syringe and holding the guy at hostage.

Or What's that from? I'd like to point out that I really restrain from doing any sort of Schwarzenegger impression at all there. I never use it at all. Thank you so much for

not doing it. I never use it at all anymore, but it's there. But also, if there was ever an opportunity to slip one in, that was it. Yeah. Because you could have blamed either of us. I could have blamed either of you, but I have control. Finally, after all these years,

I just take a moment, I count to ten, and the demons don't bother me anymore. So would you come back? Or would you just leave it be? It's your knowledge. Maybe you tell your girlfriend. You have some cocoa to go to bed.

This is presupposing that I'm able to even comprehend the future because 150 years – like I'm not an intelligent guy but I'm not – So you're going to 2158. 2158. So 150 years from now, theoretically, what – I mean if we continue to grow the way we have at the level of expansion that humanity has grown at. One of two things I think will happen within the next 150 years. There will either be a massive die-off, which I think is inevitable. Here we go.

This is here in dark reaches. So, will I die off? That's the kid from the future. But I think there will either be a massive die-off and a large chunk of it. Let's face it. We're full.

Earth is full. If you were flying around and you wanted reservations, no room. Not the Antarctic. Earth is full. No. Well, not the Antarctic. Not Saskatchewan. Anguins.

Not Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan will never be full. The rest of the world will be full, and people will be like, I don't really want to go there. But there's fresh water and wheat. I know. Dang. Not for me.

I'm not on the bread right now. I think, you know, the idea of coming back and being the prophet, being the, is, I think, would only end poorly. But then with that knowledge, I guess with the knowledge of what's going to happen, wouldn't you? You'd have to. Morally, you would have to warn. If it's bad, if it's bad. If it's good, I think you just stay there and be like, screw you, suckers. But people...

But then, right? Then we get into the whole time travel conundrum. If it's good, is it only good because you went back and you told people it was good? Oh, man. See? It's heavy. It is heavy. Now, let me say this by saying that

i believe the nostradamus my theory about the nostradamus the nostradamus that's how he likes to be he wrote samuel nostradamus he liked to roll like that um i think that there's a slight chance uh that he was from the future and got bonked on the head or something happened and his visions were actually memories like vagal memories yeah and that's why so then would you then be because there's a real risk of becoming the crazy i'm not saying that you come back to the future by saying that you already became the crazy person well saying that but his last words were something is gonna be pink and like something is gonna be pink he's gonna be the danger too is like that

if you come back for the future it doesn't mean you're gonna be homeless like you don't instantly destitute like you know you got a million in the bank now you travel to the future you come back well sorry your money's no good anymore like i mean so you could come back and have like no you could come back and just resume your normal life i'd start a gossip blog about the future and Blake Lively. Oh, the Cybertron post. That's an interesting... But, I mean, if you came back, like, if you said to me

one day, you said, hey, Simon, I just went to the future, I'd be like, oh, Graham's a comedian. Yeah, of course. These are jokes. But if you were like, deadly serious, and you said, look, no, seriously, I went to the future. Spock's there. Everyone's there. Yeah. And things are not good. But then I would lose my credibility instantly, seriously, I went to the future. Spock's there. Everyone's there. And things are not good. But then I would lose my credibility instantly if I said I went to the future.

And then I'm bringing you over to my side and then I'm like, Spock's there. I gotta say, if you did say Spock was there, I'd probably be like, he's directing Three Men and a Baby 7. He's not even Star Trek The Next Generation. He's played by Matt Damon. Yeah, I don't know.

Well, they're making a new Star Wars movie, too. Or Star Trek. A lot of people don't know, Simon Pegg is going to be playing Scotty. Never played by a Scottish guy. Very, very exciting. I like that new segment. I think that one's got a lot of firecrackers under it.

You guys have an opinion on time travel? I'd like to know what Dave Schumacher thinks about what we would do to Hitler's parents. Yeah, but if I went to the future and I saw that it was a terrible time, I would come back. I would. I'd become

the crazy street preacher. Because what else would I dedicate my life to? Well, what else would I possibly do knowing how dire the future was going to be? But if I went back and it was awesome in the future, I would also become that crazy street... Because I'd be like, fuck all these future generations

don't get all the shit I didn't get. Fuck them. I'm going to warn them as well. And I probably will be the cause of the awesome future. That's what I figure. In the future, I think I would do the Biff Tannen thing from Back to the Future 2 and just find a way to go back in time.

You'd conceal an almanac in your butt so that if you land there naked... Yeah, I'd go back and... Oh no, I guess that's going into the past again. Actually, if I did go... You'd give him an almanac of the past? He's like, you dick. This doesn't help me at all.

That's one of those, ugh, moments. You get one shot at time travel. In 1956, this is going to be worth something. Yeah, no, you would have to buy an almanac there and bring it back with you. Right. I didn't know, but I'd be tempted to go back in the past and be like the best Xbox player. So you would just do something really menial with it?

Yeah. I would be like, but I can't plug it in anywhere. This is how you open a can of tuna in the future. It's like, use your lasers. That's great. But here's the thing, right? If somebody came to you from the past, they like i'm from 1952 oh that's a plausible year okay well okay fine then 1948 okay all right that's a little more likely i'm from

1948 and they come to you and they go what do we need to avoid to make a better future i don't even know what the fuck i would say. Yeah. I'd be like, fossil fuels? Yeah, I mean... From 1948, yeah, that's hard. Be cool about it. Be cool about it. I use fossil fuels, but you guys should maybe...

Ease up. Yeah. Yeah. Enviro-cars. Well, that's a tricky thing about this whole... Now, you've opened a can of worms with the time travel segment, because who do you...

Now, if somebody comes to you for the past... Dylan, the guy who requested the time travel segment, has opened up this can of worms with the time travel segment because who now if somebody comes more dylan the guy who requested the time travel segment has opened up this can of worms he's an existential thinker maybe we should go back in time and punch him in the face before he sends us that message go back before i recorded this segment and warn us that the segment's coming up um but if someone came to you now from the past like like say from like the mid-century right after the war yeah what because i mean what after the war. What do you say? Of course, in 48. They were a cross-dresser.

They weren't black because they didn't let black people time travel back then. A theme party. Oh, wouldn't that suck if you just came over for a costume party and then you get catapulted to the future? And you're like, no, i'm not actually from the 60s i'm not a man i'm not a caveman um this this club is clearly plastic but then yeah i don't know what you'd say to that person you'd be like oh well get out of my house yeah you want to avoid time traveling before your time. That's a bad idea. 1948. Well, when was the time machine ready?

Temporal mechanics, man. It'll just melt your head. But I enjoy it. I enjoy this segment, but there's no end to it. I'm calling an end to it right now. Yeah, you've got to call it, much like time. Should we... I want to do one of the... One of the something or somethings?

Yeah. Okay, we can either do... What was it? Siz seismor or madsen seismor madsen or what the one i said i can't remember bow wow or romeo yeah which one do you want to do i'm gonna go with seismor madsen all right i, or Sizemore or Madsen. I recorded the theme like 15 minutes ago, so I don't remember what I sang. Ah, whatever. Okay.

So these are two actors I have trouble differentiating. And so I'm going to say a word or a sentence, and you guys will tell me whether it is either Sizemore or Madsen. If it's more Sizemore, more Madsen. Right. All right. Pinky ring. I'm going to go with Madsen on that.

I'm going to go with Madsen on that. I'm going to go with Madsen, too. Michael Madsen wears the same pinky ring in almost every role. There you go. And also, I think of the two of them, I bet you I don't think Sizemore wears a pinky ring. But Madsen looks like a jewelry-wearing. They both really do look like jewelry-wearing men. Yeah, but I bet you that Madsen wears an anklet. The trouble with the two of them is they're so similar.

Or pinky toe rings. That it's really hard to tell. Well, that's the point. But at this point, I think they may be the same guy. Sure it's not one name? No, I think Michael Madsen is a classier guy. Really? Yeah, he's not arrested as much.

Okay. Hookers. Is that a boat? Is that one of those trick ones? That's Sizemore. It's not a trick one. It is Sizemore. He was engaged to Heidi Fleiss.

Oh, really? See, I didn't catch that at all. He was engaged to a hooker. That's a good way to be. The madam, though. The madam. Yeah. A hooker princess.'s a good way to be. The madam, though. The madam. A hooker princess. Wasn't there a Soul Asylum song about that? Michael Madam.

I fell in love with the hooker. She laughed in my face. Soul Asylum. Where are you when we need you? You're everywhere. On tour with Jesus Jones. Rayban. Oh, that's a Madsen. Jamie Foxx.

Madsen. Madsen. He wears Ray-Ban sunglasses in many roles. Burning in Paradise. Seismon. I'm going to go with Madsen. Not to be contrary. Burning in Paradise

is a collection of poems and short stories written by Michael Madsen. Yeah. I'd like to thank Justin Long for that, please, for the shout-out. I don't even get it. No, he's from the... Justin Long was the guy, the Mac guy from I'm a Mac, I'm a PC. Yeah. He was hosting this radio show, we talked about it earlier

in the kitchen party, the run up and he was talking about the book of poetry oh Jesus, you got all this inside of you I'm Hollywood I didn't know you majored in Madsen I majored in Madsen Simon Hollywood King Travolta

Madsen Seismar that's it, Travolta Madsen Sizemore That's it? Travolta? That's all you get? Yeah, that's the clue Gay Sizemore Sizemore

The role that John Travolta got in Pulp Fiction Was originally offered to Michael Madsen But he had to turn it down because he was in Wyatt Earp. Now we all know which one turned out to be more legendary. Okay. Dying in a shootout. Michael Madsen. Dying in a shootout?

Yeah, Michael Madsen. Tom Sizemore has died in a shootout in seven movies. What about White Earth, though? Michael Madsen died in... In Reservoir Dogs? Yeah. There's one. But now you should say who died in more shootouts.

I'm just saying who... I think that one is... That's a tie. Yeah, that's a tie. Because it's both. It's both Sizemore and Madsen. If you count video games, Sizemore has died in eight. What video game did he die in?

Well, that's the next question. The Michael Madsen experience. Max Payne. Grand Theft Auto. Both. They both had voices in Grand Theft Auto movies. Or video games at different times. I think that's about all I will do for this.

Those are the best facts. But now what's the definitive answer on this? Like, who did... What was the purpose of this segment? No, that's what the segment is. It's just like a guessing game. I really want to win that car. You came close last time.

Do we want to do another, or are we going to wrap it up? We're about an hour and something in. I think we're pretty good. Yeah, this has been late. Hey, Simon, do you have anything? Simon, first of all, thank you so much for showing up. You are a treat. You are a treat.

I've been looking forward to this. When I first heard that my good friend, Dave Shumka and what's his face? The guy with the hat. What's his name? Donnie Clark? Whatever. Anyway.

What about that guy? Johnny Edmonton. When I first heard you guys were doing a podcast, I'm like, exciting. And I listened to them. I'm a fan. And we promised you you would be on in the 30s. I am a fan of the podcast. And now this is I won a thing on eBay.

A fan thing on eBay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was your make-a-wish. I get assigned to Grandpa. Noah, thank you for having me. Thanks for coming out. Do you have anything to, anything that's coming up? To find your local Simon King is to either perk your ears up and listen for the

yelling, or go to thisissimonking.com This is Simon King. What happened to simonking.com? Did someone else get that? It is owned by a guy in San Francisco who just puts up the weather and a broken stock ticker. Oh.

And I offered him $5,000 American dollars and he wouldn't take it. Wow. So apparently, broken stock tickers and the weather in San Francisco. Have you seen the economy? Every stock ticker is broken. Am I right? No, come on. But yes, if you go there and that stuff, then there's a section and I do stuff and I just

want to say thanks. Fantastic. Or if you're in Vancouver, just go over to any show and Simon will probably show up. I will probably show up. I'm always there. I have no life. I'm sad. No, but you're a workhorse comic, and it's

fantastic that you're here. In between being here, and good luck in Vegas. Thank you very much. Congratulations on that. That's amazing. It's going to be fantastic. Thank you, everybody who writes into us. It buoys our spirits like you wouldn't believe. We are on suicide watch.

We have very little to live on. This is being done in a supermax. People don't know. I'm not even allowed to have sandals. I have to wear flip flops all over the place. This is recorded in a supermax and none of us have shoelaces or belts. Yeah, my pants keep falling down.

No belt. I don't think a shoelace could strangle me. But what about dental floss? No, I don't think so. We'll see. I wouldn't know. I've been working on a project. Filthy teeth.

So yeah, please, with all of your hearts, write to us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And thank you so much. And anybody who wants to check out, we have a Facebook page, and also there's a recap of every episode that Dave lovingly puts together at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. You can also send us your overheards

or any comments in audio form as an mp3 to our email address, or we have a Skype. But Dave, it's been a pleasure. Simon again, thank you for coming down. Thanks for listening, everybody. My name's Graham Clark.

My co-hosts, Dave Shulka and Simon King. Everybody, thanks for downloading this, and please come back next week. We got a real battering ram of a show next week, I'll tell you what, here at Stop Podcasting Yourself. I'm going back in time. Yay!