Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 341 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: September 29, 2014

Paul F. Tompkins returns to talk nonsense, Baby Margot, and wedding photobooths.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 341 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's now, he's not just a man, he's a man and a real life dad, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm an actual man. My life is of consequence now. You're an actual man. My life is of consequence now. You're an Omega man.

Oh, yeah. What was the Will Smith one? Oh, I am legend? Yeah, I am. Yeah. Our guest, cannot wait to get in on this Will Smith talk. Well, I'm from the city of brotherly love. All right.

That's right. Are you from West Philadelphia? I'm not. Okay. No. Where did you spend most of your days? But the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is based on my life. Okay.

They changed some facts. Yeah, you did move from Philadelphia to Los Angeles. That's right. The facts speak for themselves. One of our all-time favorite guests, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Thank you. Guys, hello. Hello.

What a pleasure it is to be here with you. Is that how you say it? No, it is not. But that, in fact, is a sort of, I don't know what region. You're backing off everything. Are you from West Philadelphia? No, no. I just like to trick people.

I like to do gentle tricks. Mind freak? Not a mind freak. Mind confuse. Mind fibs. Mind fibs. Mind fibs. I don't know what region that is where people do that.

Like, say, treasure or baggages or washing. like say treasure or right baggages or washing in the air i was in the airport uh when i was coming here and the guy over the uh you know the recorded announcement that was saying please please keep your baggages in sight and it's driving me crazy why wouldn't they get somebody with a region-free accent to do it? Broadcast standard. Sure. Ted Koppel. Because he's the only one who will stand there. What's he got to do?

Yeah. Nightline's not on anymore. I mean, honestly, if they could pay him, if they said to Ted Koppel, we'll give you a thousand dollars. Right? And he's saying, I'm listening. To record two sentences that are just going to run on a loop at the airport. We'll come to you. You don't even get out of your bed.

We'll stick a microphone in your face and tell people to watch their baggages. Wouldn't you do it for $1,000? Would you? I would only do it if I could do it as soon as I woke up in the morning. So I'm clearing my throat. You can faintly hear someone using an electric toothbrush in the background do you want to get to know us oh yes yes please get to know us what's new and exciting

the newest and excitingest thing yes is that I'm here in Vancouver. I've been here for the past few days doing a weekend of shows at the Fox Cabaret. I did a solo show that you were in attendance for. Which was amazing. Come on. It was a mess. Which it was. A disaster.

It was a mess. Which it was. It was a disaster. What if you complimented me off mic, but then now that it's being recorded, now you're going to hit me with the truth. For the record. This is a real gotcha podcast. Then last night we did, I sat in with the Sunday service, which was a lot of fun. Which was a disaster. Neither of us were there.

And then tonight I'm doing, right after we do this, I'm going to do the Dead Authors podcast. For the first time outside of the United States. Oh my. That's amazing. And special guest Ryan Beal. Ryan Beal of the Sunday service, the aforementioned Sunday service, will be playing Lucy Maud Montgomery, the author of Van of Green Gables. I really wanted it to be a Canadian author, and then I was looking up famous dead Canadian authors. Oh, they have to be dead, of course.

Yes, but guess what, guys? Congratulations. All your famous authors are pretty much alive. Yeah. Who is it? It's really hard. Mordecai Richler, maybe? Oh, he's dead, yeah.

He's dead. Marshall McLuhan. Oh, yeah. Is he dead yeah He's dead Marshall McLuhan Oh yeah Is he dead? He's dead Robert Service The poet Oh yeah He's dead

Right And then there was a lot of names That you guys might recognize That I did not recognize Right But I was on Wikipedia Just looking at death dates Oh boy

Just a list of Canadian authors And then anyone that had Two years Next to their name Right And there were a lot of names That I did not recognize And we probably would yeah exactly in fairness but all the ones that i did recognize still alive yeah atwood yeah atwood andache uh gladwell the big three yeah

i didn't realize that he was canadian malcolm gladwell yeah does he still live here? Is he an expat? Yeah he lives in my basement What? Well that's where we are His books are coming from inside But it's been wonderful I You know I love coming up here And it's been nice to spend So much time here

Yeah And it's You Were you just in Montreal? Were you in Montreal during the summer? In July, yes. So you're a regular Canadian visitor. You come up here all the time.

You know all the dead authors. Yeah, I do now. You know, as much as I've come to Canada, I was talking about this the other day, that going through customs in Canada is still a very anxious experience because the customs people really stare you down

and they act like you're trying to get in here. It makes me wonder, what is the type of thing, illegal thing, that people are trying to do in Canada that they are on the lookout for? I know because there's a television show. Oh, yeah.

What is it? It's called, what's the show called? Juggle Smuggles? Yeah, it's Juggle Smuggles. It's puppets. It's a real story, but reenacted with puppets. Well, no, they take the audio. It's very disrespectful.

Can I check your bag? Oh, they're like cranking. Yeah. They take the actual audio. It's like called border security or something. And it's Australians who have a criminal record coming to meet their girlfriend who they met on a trip. It's people from, you know, a Montana or something where they're allowed to carry a concealed weapon, not realizing that they can't do that across the border. It's people from China bringing $500,000 in cash.

But I'm so clearly not any of those things. I've already made it past so many other checkpoints. By the time I'm just trying to walk into the country, at this point, it is established. I do not have a gun. I do not have $500,000 in cash. I don't know about the Australian girlfriend thing that's

our girlfriend's illegal here if you're from a different country well if you're well how serious are you about her that's what we want to know are you just having fun

because she wants to settle down yeah it really it they really like they really are so cold

and and just trying to freak you out. It's so strange. But the thing that drives me crazy about it is I've clearly been to Canada a million times without incident. Like, everything's fine. Yeah. But I get the same treatment every time.

Even so far as the guy who's like the last, you know, you get that customs declaration thing. the guy who's like the last you know you get that the customs declaration thing and so first the customs person at the desk looks through that stamps it writes their mysterious inscrutable insignias on it then you have to hand that to another guy on the way out

and even that guy like looks at the thing and then gives me like the cold shark stare and he's like okay why now you should be the friendly one he said okay what's wrong with okay it's the way he says he preferred him to say okie dokie when we go to the states no one's like welcome but are they but i expect that from the United States. Why are we yelling? But do you expect that from the United States?

I'm sorry. When was your 9-11? It happens a little later in the year. It's like our Thanksgiving. Canadian 9-11. It's actually earlier. It's around Christmas time. Because of the early harvest.

That's right. We remember it before you. Oh, man. Yeah. I mean, I think our nation's 9-11 is probably that TV show Border Control. See, I've never had, coming back, I guess, because you're a citizen.

It's nothing. When you get to the Vancouver airport, do you have to go through a human? We now have... You have a minotaur? No. We have to answer riddles. You get to go through a human.

We have a sphinx we got to talk to. Oh, did the sphinx... The sphinx had a riddle, but then did the sphinx eat people or something? Yeah, no, I think you're thinking of the Billy Goats Gruff. Well, look, all of these riddles, it's not like if you don't get the riddle right, there's a consequence other than you don't get to pass. Yeah, I guess. Aren't you destroyed in some manner? Boy.

Or yeah, do you just keep getting to take stabs at the riddle? Yeah. Like you just get it wrong. You have to wait a certain time period. Come back tomorrow. Yeah. Like we have a lot it wrong. You have to wait a certain time period. Come back tomorrow. Yeah. Like we have a lot of people. You have to wait.

You can apply to come back tomorrow, but it's not going to happen. What does happen? I don't know. I haven't, I'll have to get in my Stargate and go back to ancient Egypt. I don't know what the consequence of i think the consequence any consequence of an ancient egypt is you have to live in ancient egypt for a while oh yeah it's a nightmare but it was a dry heat so there's that that's true but there are bird head people oh yeah yeah there's an absolutely there's asps all over the place There's denial It's not just the river No that's true

These are all facts Was that the riddle of the swings? Yeah what is denial? But no do you have Because now when we arrive back in Vancouver from America We have to go to like an ATM machine Yeah we have to withdraw $100. Oh.

We scan our passport. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we don't have to answer no questions. I've done that twice now and twice have forgotten my passport and then had to like gotten five feet away from it and then go back to the machine. Oh, no. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Left it in. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I feel like, did I? No, yeah, I guess you don't have to answer questions anymore. But even coming back into the States as an American, there was still like, sometimes you would get people that were a little hard-assed, and it's like, I'm coming home.

Right, yeah, yeah. Drop it. I've been gone so many days. I'm way home. Right. You can drop it. I've been gone so many days. I can, I'm way past whatever limit. I'm not going to bring $900 worth of Canadian goods back. No, I never went to a farm while I was away.

Check, check me for smokes. But, uh, I've got my allotment of duty free perfume. Can they keep you in the airport? like that movie with Tom Hanks? The Terminal? Yeah.

If your nation no longer exists when you land, in the time between when you left and when you land. Did you see that movie? I did see that movie. Why did I see that movie? I read an article about the real guy. It was Steven Spielberg. That's not good. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's weird. That was a Steven Spielberg. It's not good. Really?

Yeah. Oh, that's weird. That's why they had all those special effects. Yeah. Tom Hanks was one of those creepy CGI renderings. Oh, yeah. It wasn't a Zemeckis. No, I know, but Tom Hanks is the director that hates human actors.

He wants to eradicate them. He hates skin. Yeah. It would be great if you went to a Tom Hanks movie, but there was a small asterisk. Asterisk. That's right. When you go, and then it's, oh no, it's that Tom Hanks from the scary. Oh, yeah.

Fuller movie. Fuller movie. What? It's not the Tom Hanks. It's the digital rendering. What's the character named Tom Hanks? I don't know. It's the Tom Hanks CGI from the Polar Express, but in a different costume.

Yeah, they should remake every Tom Hanks movie with a CGI guy. Oh, I would do that. I would pay a lot of money to see that. But he's the only one. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, that's good. We were talking about Castaway the other day. When were we?

Not the Royal Way. I was talking to myself about Castaway. That's the way to do it. We were talking about Castaway last night, and I forgot that middle chunk when he's on the island is a pretty good movie. Like that's pretty fascinating. And then the rest of it,

the beginning and the end is like, I don't care about that. This is an ad for federal express. Yeah. Yeah. I get that you, you know, in the beginning you got to set it up,

but at the end, who cares? Like he gets off the island in the end. I don't, I don't care. Too soft for him. Beds are too soft for him. I call bullshit on that, by the way. What does he do at the end? Beds are too soft for him. Doesn't he like... Beds are too soft for him.

I call bullshit on that, by the way. If you slept on sand for, you know, how many years was he on that island? If you came back to a bed, you would be so happy. Yeah. So happy. You'd never get out of it. Yeah. I don't think... I think they've done tests on this, and your sleep number does not change.

It was a six before I went on the island. It a six after simple as that oh man is that a low number i don't know i don't know what the numbers go i think they go to a hundred oh really i thought it was a one that's too many guys i had a baby yeah on wednesday they they do a number of tests when your baby is born one is when it's determined whether she's a child of a lesser god she's not good good good uh another is to uh uh test her sleep number oh yeah yeah she's a 40 oh good for her wow i didn't realize it was so high i don't realize there are that many reclining positions available to us it's not even positions it's hardness because it will be but that's what i mean because It's not even positions, it's hardness. Firmness. But that's what I mean because the sleep number is,

I mean, yeah, I'm thinking of it like a hospital bed. Yeah. But essentially, it's an air mattress that you can pump up or deflate

to your liking. It's a something mattress. No, that's what it is. It's maybe a spring mattress. Well, is it a spring mattress? It's got to have spring. No, it's electric. It's electricity.

Well, we have a... Like an electric blanket? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You's electricity. Well, we have an electric blanket. You have to plug your mattress in to go to sleep? So what does the electricity do? I'm not a physicist. It raises and lowers the numbers, Paul, of course. Yeah, it's a digital display. Must be electric.

You want to be all steambug with your number churn. But I heard there was an air mattress. We we have an air mattress now we do my wife and i what what come on come on why am i yelling my wife and i in our home we have a sofa bed for guests okay and it has a has an air mattress that is the top of the mattress is a thin, like your usual thin little sofa bed mattress. Right. And underneath that is an air

mattress. And they have to give you 48 hours notice so you can program the sleep number. That's right. And you hear those cranks are cranking. Yeah. And we have to pull all of our friends to find out their sleep numbers and then put them in the database. But it's very comfortable. You would not know that it was an air mattress.

And then somebody told me that's what those sleep number beds are. Oh. This is the same principle. They're air. Okay. I wonder if there's a psychic at a fair that you can guess you're sleeping just by looking at you. Graham, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for me to finish talking about that goddamn mattress so you could get that joke in. I think I could tell you had tuned out a while ago.

Yeah, but then I tuned right back in at the right second, right? Because I knew this was where I was going to wrap up. I knew my entry point, and I was glad I got in there. But you know what? I do like the idea of someone at a carnival being amazed when the gypsy guesses their sleep number. Or being like. Or they could just be like, nope. Yeah.

Money back, please. Yeah. You're a fraud. That's the prize I win. I want the, you know. That miniature bed. That stuffed rumpelstiltskin. What?

The Patriot's Eight of Bets. Yeah. Was he the guy who slept? What did he do? Or was that Rip Van Winkle? No, Rip Van Winkle was the guy. You know what? I'm not familiar with either story.

You better get familiar with them because you're a father now. Yeah. But my father wasn't familiar. And look how you turned out. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you need to. These are fables that help form your daughter's picture. Yeah, what are the most ridiculous names from child fiction?

Rumpelstiltskin, Rip Van Winkle. Those are probably it. Wee Willie Winky. Yeah. Roth IRA. McPherson Stretch Suspension. J.D. Power and Associates. Sure.

Anthony and the Terrible No Good Very Bad Day. That's right. TCH Power. TCH Power. S.F.AFA the Merkerson. What did Wee Willie Winky do? He did something all around the town. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he was like a sleepwalking dude or something. I think he went around the town at night in his little candle stub. Oh, with maybe a nightcap? His nightcap. Oh, boy. Will kids understand any of that? Like a man in a cap at night? No, well, unless your father slept with a baseball cap or passed out in front of a TV,

then you'd be like, oh, yeah. That got bleak. Oh, it did? Sorry. Even growing up, I didn't like any of that old stuff. I'm like, what era is this from? Why do we have to see a guy who sleeps in a gown?

Yeah. I'm done with you, story. But there will always be that because of Christmas Carol. Yeah. Like, you'll always think of there's a possibility of a man wearing a gown

to go to sleep with a cap and a candlestick that he blows out. That's right. So that's forever, man. That's not going anywhere. I mean, they might even have that on The Nick. I don't know.

Yeah, exactly. SpongeBob SquarePants Christmas. Have you watched The Nick? I watched a few episodes, yeah. Is it good? It's not as good as you would like it to be. There are a lot of shows that have started up that I've been like, okay, we should watch this.

would like it to be there are a lot of shows that have started up that i've been like okay we should watch this or or let's wait until we hear anyone say something good about it and it hasn't happened yeah what is it is it it's clive owen i don't know we haven't watched the first episode because it involves a terrible childbirth apparently so we've been advised to avoid it all the medical stuff is very gross it's very gross um But it's a turn of the century, previous century. Right. Previous century hospital. This is not set 14 years ago. It's very boring.

Yep. Routine. Yeah. Clivo and Creepy Actor, right? No. Creepy A is the name of the movie. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

That's what it was. Not. Not. Very well done. Very well done. Do you find him creepy? I don't think so. I don't know. I just think he's been in a lot of movies where he plays.

In Croupier, he kind of plays like a creepy dude. And he was in Sin City. And those are the two movies that I know of. I feel like he may have been up to play James Bond when Daniel Craig got it. I think his name was being bandied about. On the Bond blogs. But sometimes you hear stories like Mel Gibson was considered to be a James Bond. And it was like, at what point did they just throw, just anybody can be a James Bond.

They really, but it seems like they do that every time. It's just open casting. They mention names that are just that's never going to happen you know this first of all an american will never play that yeah character it's never going to be keenan and kell let alone keenan or kell one plays james the other one plays bond how many regenerations does he have left james bond yeah oh boy i thought it was over no you know before the daniel craig thing i was like that's nobody's interested in this storyline anymore they i get sad i get sad when i hear that one of them is gonna end it's like daniel craig might only do one more, but he's only done two. He's only done three or whatever.

That first one, the opening scene to Casino Royale was so good. Parkour one? Yeah, yeah. My wife said watching people parkour gives her a panic attack. I can see that. I can see that. That was a weird thing to discover about her. This is what you get to know when you

marry somebody. All the secrets slowly come out. You take the good, you take the bad. Did you write your own vows or did Alan Thicke? By way of Alan Thicke, we wrote our own vows. She recited all the Fact of Life lyrics and I did different strokes.

And then afterwards People ask me Who was the man When you said A man is born Was that you And who were the two Yeah

And I did nothing But their dreams I'm a man of means Am I not It takes Different strokes There we go What theme songs Has he written for Canadian shows?

He hasn't. He's only written the two as far as I know. Yeah. He didn't, you know, most of his career was stateside. He did host Animal Crack Ups. I don't remember this. Thanks to Wikipedia, I know that he hosted a show called Animal Crack Ups. In Canada?

Yeah, in Canada. It's an early thing in his career where it was just funny animal clips. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's like animal bloopers. Mm-hmm. That show still exists.

That dog was supposed to not fall down, but he fell down. Animal Crack Ups. Way to go, dog. Why didn't they just remake that show instead of trying?

I'd watch it. Yeah. Watching? Reboot it. Yeah, reboot it with younger animals. Yeah, Daniel Craig is going to be the host. Ooh, a blonde animal crack-ups.

Doesn't work as well. I love watching animals fuck up. It's the best. Yeah. They think they're so great with instinct. Yeah. But they don't know nothing. That's right.

Yeah. Especially about our modern world. That's the greatest. When they don't know how to do it, they walk into a window, you know? Ha ha. Look at the amount of YouTube views like a video entitled, Animal Accomplishes Thing. They'll get no views, but you know, panda gets head stuck in bucket. A zillion views.

Has grandpa ever gotten his head stuck in something? Grandpa has not No I don't think he has He's pretty dumb Yeah No I don't think head stuck in anything Comes to mind It is great when a dog gets

Everybody loves it He's more He's more like Socially stupid He says inappropriate things They get their food in a food container. Yeah. He's more like socially stupid. Like. He says inappropriate things. Yeah. He walks in at the wrong time or like thinks it's a good time to hug and I'm weeping.

I guess that is a good time to hug. That is probably the perfect time to hug. You don't understand humans. That's true. Dave Kackups. Graham, congratulations on being named the new host of Dave Crackups. I knew I was in the running, even though I was blonde. Speaking of dogs getting their heads stuck in containers.

Do it. You are a voice on a cartoon show. That's correct. Your character does that. That's right. I didn't make that connection. You play like a golden retriever. His name is Mr. Peanutbutter.

On the Netflix series. Bojack Horseman. And who does the theme song for that? The theme song is written by one of the guys from the Black Keys. And I think his dad performed the theme song. And then there's an ending theme song. Uh, is that like when Robin Thicke and Alan Thicke performed? Exactly.

The theme song to animal crack. Exactly. When Alan was just a baby. No, what? How did that work? They had a freaky Friday. It was a too soon freaky Friday where the father was,

I wish I was an infant. And the infant was like, I wish I was a full grown man. I don't know anything else but that. That's all I know. So then as a full grown man, he doesn't know how to walk. Nope. Can't talk. Nope.

Can't get out of the house. He's just like laying around. Doesn't know how to eat. Yeah. That's right. Throwing up all the time. Oh, but that baby tried to be a full adult is throwing up a lot a function of being a baby and something that we learn to control

or do you just have no choice when you're a baby um i think it has yeah i think it has something to do with uh as a as a father of a five-day-old i've got a lot of experience with this um as the baby only started throwing up yesterday or spitting up i think it's because spitting up pardon me i don't know all the lingo they uh i think it has something to do with like the amount of air they swallow um they're taking in too much more than they need i look this is honestly it barely has happened and but it doesn't happen at the very beginning when it's when there's not milk yet when it's just colostrum huh what the x-man what's colostrum colostrum is uh the the stuff that uh uh before your milk

comes in as a mother uh you have a milk like thicker milk like substance that fills the babies oh no paul's throwing up oh the prophecy is fulfilled you don't need as much because the baby's uh stomach is the size of a cherry oh i'm so jealous so you can fill up that baby with one cherry why don't you just feed her cherries cher Cherries? Just cherries. No, just one. Wow. What a day. Wait, so, okay. So then. I'm here to answer all your fatherly questions. So as we get, look, you hung out your shingle as the expert.

As we get older, we learn not to take in so much air. I guess so. Like. Huh. Like my dog throws up a lot and like, does he really? Well,

doesn't throw up. but he coughs up whenever he drinks water and stuff. But he also, but he, dogs eat things they shouldn't eat.

And he's got, but he's got a real short snout. He wasn't made to eat. He was, he's an abomination. Yeah. He was made to be intravenously fat.

Yeah. He's supposed to only eat mushrooms. Yeah, exactly. A magic one. That's right. They are drug mushroom hunting dogs. They're shroom dogs.

Shroom dogs. Whoa, what's up my shroom dogs? Where are my shroom dogs? Um, I, honestly, I can't really speculate on the,

the throwing up, uh, au contraire. You can speculate. Yeah. All you like. Yeah. I wish you would.

You know what? I think. Please say something that I will take as fact forever. All right. Well,ire. You can speculate. All you like. I wish you would. You know what? I think. Please say something that I will take as fact forever. All right. Well, what it is, bro, is babies be, well, they be shopping. Well, yeah, babies be shopping. Babies be shopping. At the baby gap.

No, it's just, they're just barf machines. They just, like, they have no control of their arms. How can they control their stomachs? That's true. Like, if I couldn't control my arms, it would be making me throw up all the time. Right? Yeah.

I'd keep telling it not to, but it'd be like, I know how embarrassing this is going to be. That's right. You know when you have that impulse that you're like, oh, I think I'm going to throw up. I'm going to try not to. You know what? I'm going to fight it.

I don't think it's that bad. Babies don't have that. They can't reason with their own bodies. Yeah. Yeah, like they're not going to throw up. I'm going to try not to. You know what? I'm going to fight it. I don't think it's that bad. Babies don't have that. They can't reason with their own bodies. Yeah. Or maybe they're just smarter and they're like, I'll feel better after I throw up. Yeah, that's true. Let's get it over with. Rats can't throw up. That's why rat poison works.

Because they're the only mammal that can't throw up. Can't or won't. That's true. Because they're not too proud. And they won't pay attention to the unrealistic body images we lay out for rats. Exactly. Yeah. I got to hold Margo and she spit up a little bit. Yeah. For the listener,

Margo is the name of my child. Oops. Is that not supposed to be out there? No, no. We just haven't mentioned it. Wait, I saw it on Instagram. That's how I knew it. Yeah. We didn't bring it up. Here. Fair enough Who's we? Us She's very precious Dave

Yeah And she had the hiccups Which is adorable She had the hiccups All throughout the pregnancy Oh really And then just They're her signature

Yeah that's her She's grabbed onto a gimmick early Yeah But it's great The hiccuping baby Yes, wow, yeah It's vaudeville Abby's mom was saying you could feel the hiccups

Through Abby Like, because you can, you know when you, you know Oh, I can feel the baby kick I couldn't really feel the baby kick Because it was gross Fair enough That's a medical term, right? You know what, I don't know gross um but fair enough that's a medical term right that's fair enough sometimes abby would be like hey uh check it out and her like she would pull up her shirt and her

the stomach would be moving and it would be like now that's gross yeah exactly yeah like like alien it would be asymmetrical like, the baby's all over here now. No! It's like watching when Slimer eats and you can see it. Remember? Have you made that comparison, Dabby? No, but I will. Please make a point of it. You know what you reminded me of? Why don't we pause here right now?

But when the hiccuping was happening It would happen rhythmically As hiccups do And you could put your hand on the belly And feel it every 3 or 4 seconds It was magical Why can't we learn to not have hiccups? And what Function do hiccups serve anyway?

I don't know They remind you that you ate carrots too fast They give you an opportunity Your friends to scare you Or make up things that you ate carrots too fast? They give you an opportunity, your friends, to scare you. Right? Or make up things that you should do to get rid of them. So it's an evolutionary thing. Yeah, yeah. It's social. The weak. Yes. Yeah.

If someone scares you and your hiccups go away, I think that means you're probably weaker, right? Because you are allowing yourself to be controlled by someone else. That's true. So easy relief from hiccups equals weaker mind. And that's why we still hiccup. And that's how you forge friendships by saying, hey, my nervous system belongs to you.

It belongs to you. We all take a part. It takes a village to have a nervous system. That's true. Oh, yeah. That's very poetic. Thank you. Yeah.

I don't scare people on the street. Yeah, you should. Well, Halloween's almost here. Oh, that. That's very poetic. Thank you. Yeah. I don't scare people on the street. Yeah, you should. Well, Halloween's almost here. Oh, that's right. Spooky times are around the corner, you guys. Yep. All the Halloween stores are springing up all over the place. What are you going to be for Halloween, Graham?

Oh, I don't know. Because I'm bound to something beard related. So, you know, Prospector. Sure. The Duck Dynasty guy Oh yeah I guess it could be A Duck Dynasty

The racist one Absolutely Just a homophobic Homophobic one No no He said black people Were happier before Oh that's right

That's right Yeah You can be the Publicly racist Duck Dynasty guy Or the privately racist Duck Dynasty guy Have you ever seen

That picture of them before the show? Yeah, not that long before the show. Where they're all in shorts and polo shirts and no beards. Oh, really? Yeah. And they just look like business dudes. Dork Dynasty. Yeah.

Dork Dynasty. Duck Dorkesty. Look, it's fun to play with words. Absolutely. Everybody wins. What are you going to go as? Do you do Halloween? No. No, because you have a- I'm not against it, though. Okay. I just don't. everybody wins what are you gonna go as do you do Halloween no

no cause you I'm not against it though okay I just don't I I I do admire

when somebody can come up with a cool elaborate costume yeah you know like a thing they built themselves I think that's neat

and I like to see it but I'm not compelled to you're worn out from comic con from when you wore your Metroid costume It's neat, and I like to see it, but I'm not compelled to do it. You're worn out from Comic-Con. Exactly. From when you wore your Metroid costume. What's Metroid? I think it was a Nintendo game.

Nintendo? Nintendo? Yeah. Nintendo? Why? Are you playing Nintendo? Yeah. Leave your baggages. His baggages.

Protect your baggages at all costs. So you don't do, I know you don't do Halloween. You know I don't do Halloween. You will someday soon. You're going to have to take little Margo out on a trick-or-treating.

Oh, I'd love to. I like trick-or-treating and a friend of mine invites me and my wife and a few other people over every year because she gets a lot of trick-or-treaters

in her neighborhood. So we go over to her house with her where she lives with her boyfriend and then a lot of the kids come-treaters in her neighborhood. So we go over to her house with her where she lives with her boyfriend, and then a lot of the kids come over, and that's fun to hand out the candy. Yeah, yeah. And the kids are all very adorable in their little costumes and very excited about candy.

And do you costume up for that, or are you just hanging out? No, she does. It's her house, but she likes to put on costumes anyway. Okay. She's a very theatrical lady. Yeah, fair enough. Is she in the theater? She has been in the theater, but she's more of a television person. Okay. She's very, she's a very theatrical lady. Yeah, fair enough. Is she in the theater? What?

She, she has been in the theater, but she's more of a television person. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's,

is it Joyce DeWitt? Yes. It is Joyce DeWitt. It is Joyce DeWitt. She will dress up like an old crone. She'll put Elmer's glue on her face

to make wrinkles. Yeah. Oh, fun. Yeah. Flour in your hair to make it white. To give you dandruff for a month why not baby powder oh yeah yeah well you know either will do either will do in a pinch i did baby powder on my hair once for a play and it was uh it was very difficult to get it out i did

flour it is impossible to get out because it becomes paste on your scalp. So you step out of the shower and then you're high depressed. What was that role, Dave? Halloween. It was a, I believe I was an old man. Oh, did you paint lines on your face? I probably, it was, it wasn't even real Halloween. It was just like school dance Halloween. Like, you know, I'm not going know i'm not doing it i'm not

going out for halloween i'm 15 can't not go in costume to this dance right yeah yeah and you have it's it's hard when you uh make a costume that's crazy like it's fun to look at but then crazy to be in exactly because that's the whole commitment yeah the problem the problem with halloween is that you're most likely going to be uncomfortable. Yeah. The people who do it best are the most miserable. But even if you try to streamline it, like,

what's a thing that I can be that is just clothes, you know? Right. But it will still involve putting on a wig or some kind of glasses or whatever. It's some piece that if you remove the uncomfortable part of it, nobody knows who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's some piece that if you remove the uncomfortable part of it, nobody knows who you are. Yeah, that's true. That's like a thing you have to hold all night.

You know, like some prop. Yeah. Who are you? It's over there. It's a knife. See the baseball bat? I'm Buford Pusser. Who's that? Is he a baseball player? From Walking Tall. Oh. He sounds like a baseball player

Doesn't it? From the Honus Wagner days Sure Buford Pusser? Buford Pusser Yeah That's pretty good Um

Dave Yeah What's going on with you man? Guys Big news Big news Yeah I bought a new shirt

I became a father yeah yes on uh wednesday september 17th at 5 37 a.m uh a day which will live in in the opposite of infamy oh yeah in celebratory yeah so um abby was 10 days overdue when we last recorded an episode abby was three days overdue yeah um and then uh it got that got old fast like not knowing when the baby's coming and having to go to work and be like were you just anxious the whole time not the whole time it was just more like it was frustrating it was um it was I wasn't anxious so much as like. On edge? Angsty?

Yeah. Maybe angsty. I was like, I just, just wanted this baby out. I was ready to not have other things to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you just wanted the vacation. Yeah, exactly. You just wanted the paternity leave.

Yeah. The trifold, uh suntan thing yeah um and like when when your baby is late people unsolicited will give you advice on how to make to induce labor oh yeah what's the what's the craziest thing that somebody said hit it with a hammer yeah uh yeah saw it out is that really inducing labor though or is that just a homemade society when you bring out the saw then the lady's gonna get going with the water breaking okay okay um i like and i took a day off work i think when the baby was five days overdue because i i had this theory that if I'm in the most inopportune place possible,

that's when I'm going to get the phone call. So you should have got up on the roof, done some shingling and stuff. I climbed a gross mountain. I did. Do you really? What's gross mountain? It's the mountain on the North shore of Vancouver.

It's a, it's, it's, you, you basically walk up steps for an hour and, and you end up at the top of a mountain. It's called the grouse grind. Had you never done it before? I've done it before.

It's not fun. Yeah. That's really funny. I didn't realize you did that. And then I got to the top and I called her. Nope. Nope. No baby yet.

So I came down. Oh, I really like that. And then 10 days after the due date, we had to go meet with, we had to go for an ultrasound just to make sure there's enough fluid in there. Oh, sure. Make sure the baby has got a heartbeat and everything. Hiccups are happening on schedule. Colostrum, et cetera.

a heartbeat and everything hiccups are happening on schedule colostrum etc oh you're not gonna like what the what the first baby poo is called what there's a name for it meconium isn't that from avatar that's what they were trying to find yeah why does that have a name why is it different in some way yeah it is it's tar it's basically tar that comes out it's very sticky um it's uh very hard to clean up oh wow yeah when does that happen the the first few minutes or days uh days it's different for every baby, but the first few goes. Right. What is it?

Meconium. Which is also the name of a pubic wig. Sorry. Sorry, guys. It's fine. We're going great. It's fine. We're going great. So we went to the hospital 10 days late

and the fluid was a little low. Uh, and our midwife met us there and she was like, uh, I'm going to advise you to meet with an obstetrician. And 100% of the time, the obstetrician is going to advise you to induce labor. Right. And Abby was like, I think, I think that's good. I think I'm ready to get this baby out of me. Right. Abby was like, I think that's good. I think I'm ready to get this baby out of me. And so we were actually

we didn't have, they were really busy. Apparently September 16th the day before, or the day we were at the hospital is statistically, if you Google the most popular birthday, it's September 16th. Really? So the hospital. Really? Really? Really? Really? Really? The hospital was like, we don't have room for you right now, but we'll give you a call. You have to understand, it's a very popular birth date.

Then he holds out his hand, like looks the other way. If there's something I could do. We are all booked up i don't see your name anywhere um perhaps mr johnny mcdonald can help this is canadian money ten dollars mr william lion mckenzie I help? Who's he on? He's on the 50 Lion King Who's the francophone that's on the 5? Wilford Laurier

I learned that the other night When the microphones are on you You use the term francophone That's the term I learned But off the mic You say frog don't you? Who's the Pepsi that's on the top?

Oh, well done. Dad, I'm so torn about that. It's a slur. I haven't heard that as a slur. Oh,

Pepsi or pepper? I, oh, I haven't heard that either. Yeah, that's a French francophone thing. Is it because

it's a very popular drink in Quebec? That's it. Because they like Pepsi. That's it. A friend like Pepsi. That's it. A friend of mine from Toronto told me that years ago, and I could not get it out of my head. Like, the idea that you would earnestly in anger call someone, you Pepsi. We don't want any Pepsis in here.

And then someone would be offended by it, like, Pepsi. Yeah. Well, if it was You know Words have power Crystal pepper Crystal pepper Crystal pepper Hi I'm Crystal Pepper

Make sure your packages aren't under So anyway Yeah Tar shit Yeah So Thank you for giving us a pitch So Abby wants to

Induce the labors Yeah so we go, uh, they're like, we don't have room. Go home. We'll give you a call. They did not give us a call.

So we, we, we were like, we called our midwife and said, Hey, should they have called us back in with mustaches and beards? Yeah. Uh,

we want a baby. My uncle here is pregnant. Um, but, okay, we're going to induce labor tonight. Your baby's still quite high up. It's not sunk down into the pelvic bones yet. How high up could it be? Well, above the, the head isn't down low enough. But there's

we're not talking about like a football field. You know what I mean? Come on, baby. Apparently the baby was like by week 37 it was supposed to be down there. It was now week 41 in the NFL schedule. Still hanging out up in the rib cage. Doing a xylophone.

Keeping everybody up all night. Those were hiccups. And so they, the obstetrician comes in to give us, to give Abby, to induce, they put something up there.

They put a chemical. A candle. A candle. They blast an air horn up there. Baby runs out to see what's going on. Yeah. And by this point, it was 11 o'clock at night. And they said to us, we're going to keep you here, Abby.

Dave, go home. This is going to take between 24 and 72 hours. This is woman's work. Yeah. You're going to need the rest for tomorrow. Yeah. Go drink your scotch and pass out your cigars. Yeah.

Crumb bum. And then three hours later. Go cheat on your wife. That's your last chance. You have a hall pass until the baby comes out. And so at 2.30 in the morning, Abby was late for a Chinese dentist appointment. But her contractions started. And then they got very intense over the course of an hour.

The contraction started. And then they got very intense over the course of an hour. And I got, my phone didn't ring, but she left me two messages that said, the first one was, Dave, I think stuff is happening. Maybe you should get down here. What kind of stuff? And then the second message was, Dave, get down here. You're missing it And then actually Abby called her mother Who was staying with us

And she woke me up And told me to get going Get your ass together Yeah Get your ass in gear She said You ruined my daughter's life So at

3.30 in the morning I race to the hospital Fortunately there's no traffic Yep Because uh Although you do see a lot of uh Miscreants Oh absolutely

I'll bet What What time of day Do they get 3.30 in the morning That's their time Yeah okay Sorry I've been hard on them

Yeah If anything You're invading Miscreant time. Absolutely. It's true. Yeah, they're like, what are these normies

driving around? This is miscreant hour. Yeah, I'm driving around in my Subaru. They're in Mad Max cars. Yeah, exactly. Looking for fuel. They find a gas station.

End of story. Yeah. And so, yeah, at 3 three 30, I get there. It's, uh, Abby's in, uh, in she's, she's feeling it. Yeah. I thought the baby was going to be born. No. And then a couple hours later, the baby comes out and it's, oh, oh, the obstetrician came in.

She was wearing, this was the one thing I'll always remember. She was wearing white leather shoes. Like, you know, like hospital shoes. Okay. With white laces, but the laces were all stained pink. Because of all the baby stuff that comes out and splashes onto her shoes. Wow. She's washed her laces many times.

Sure. But you can't get that out. Laces can't be that expensive. Yeah, on a doctor's salary. I mean, yeah. If you're going to wash the shoes, right? Yeah. I presume she's not buying a new pair of shoes

every single time. Every baby. I would. But yeah, so baby comes out at five 30 and, uh, five 37. You wait for a tarp. It's like a Russian

doll. There's one day. Well, you know, what comes out of that? A diamond. I hit the, I hit the, uh, a little too emphatically.

Yeah. Um, I would, I would have said fabulously flamboyantly um yeah and so and it was like at like i don't know seven well they give me the baby i'm sobbing i'm i'm i'm a big softy you guys oh it's sweet that's nice to hear yeah well they give the abby has the baby for an hour. They keep it on you for an hour.

They don't, they just like, a woman just walked into the room. Like she had the perfect timing carrying towels. Like she, I don't know how she knew the baby was being born this second. She comes in, pats the baby down and leaves. It's like a pit crew. Yeah, yeah. pit crew yeah yeah um and then uh yeah and then they were like so do you want to go home today or and we were home by one in the afternoon wow that's wow what a turnaround we were so lucky every step of the way like the the there were no complications the The baby's healthy. The mother's healthy.

Bing, bang, boom. Yeah. Home by noon. Almost. Wee, wee, wee, winky. Does it again. Yeah. Now, Abby was saying that people were telling her all kinds of horror stories about their labor. Yeah, because that's what people do.

Yeah. Why do people do that? I don't know. It drives me crazy. I think it's something that you get. You know, like you get to do that because you went through the thing. But it's not. I despise it when people do stuff like that.

Yeah. When it's like, oh, get ready. This experience that you're about to have is going to be the worst thing. Yeah, that's true. It doesn't help anybody. Yes, because you could express it in a constructive and caring way. That doesn't cost any more than trying to freak people out and regret their decisions. It's true, though, because it is like, you know, same thing if you get surgery done or whatever.

You know, like if you have to have your wisdom teeth removed. Yeah, yeah. Then you just hear a flood of horror stories. I think people are just full of horror stories, and nobody wants to have your wisdom teeth removed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, then you just hear a flood of horror stories. I think people are just, they're just full of horror stories. And nobody wants to hear them ever. No. And this is their chance to, like, release the inner demons. There's a weird extension of that now in popular entertainment where there seems to be more and more stuff about married people and how miserable marriage is.

Yeah. Right. more stuff about married people and how miserable marriage is yeah right and it's like there's there's been a few movies and there's a few tv shows now we're just like marriage it's the worst all you do is fight and you're miserable and your life is over it's like that hall pass movie you ever seen that no that was that was a monstrosity missed that one i watched it on a plane was this the edward helms picture yes and and it was just the i mean it was just the worst like i'm super gross right everything about it was gross and whoever wrote it like obviously had been through a horrible relationship and like in their perverted mind this was the way that you could save a relationship was like give the guy permission to go have you know sex or anyways

it's not funny the premise is not funny and then it just spirals into unfunnyness but does he play banjo ever uh i don't know actually no i don't think so but he's got the goods he does have the goods he started a bluegrass festival in los ang What? Really? Yeah, he and some other people started a bluegrass Los Angeles has a pretty strong bluegrass heritage Do you know what? Dave, you laugh But Did I laugh? Well, you laugh, it's an implied laugh

I don't like to laugh at my own jokes It's apparently doing very well It's like in its third or fourth year I'm sure it is It's getting bigger and bigger All the monsters of Banjo Banjo monsters. Yes. Steve Martin.

And there's one that is a monster that looks like a banjo. Like he's got a skinny body and then a round flat head. There goes my Halloween costume. So uncomfortable. Oh, wow. Well, congratulations. Thank you.

It is wonderful Yeah I recommend it She's adorable She's great Oh her name is Margo Sloan Shumka Any

Any Correspondence Send it to her P.O. box Yeah Yeah in Canada Not a lot of people know That you have to

When your baby's born You have to get it A P.O. box Yeah Until she establish your baby's born, you have to get a P.O. box. Yeah. Until she establishes a permanent address. Do you guys still have your P.O. boxes from when you were babies? Yep. Yeah, it's got my baby teeth in it. Yeah, mine's full of shoes.

Full of bronze shoes. It's not a safe deposit box. That's true. Why would it still have stuff in it? I just never picked it up. that's true i just never picked it up yeah well it's more of like a college prank see how many see how many of you you can fit into a baby's po box that's right uh past guest adam pateman i worked with him a couple weekends ago and he had a very old copy from like 1952 of popular science and we were leaving through the ads in the back and And one of the things was. Was it all phrenology?

It was bronze baby shoes in your spare time to make extra income. I was like, oh boy, I never would have come up with that as a way to make money. Wow. Yeah. Right? That's insane. Yeah. That it was like, we'll send you the kit.

And then just watch the dollars roll in. During the baby boom? Is that why that seemed like... Look, people are never going to stop having tons of babies. This is a gold mine made of bronze. I mean, the baby boom's over. There's still a ton of babies out there. Like, billions of them.

Yeah, they keep booming. I think because we never stop being at war. Yeah. That's probably right. People are constantly coming home and having babies. Plus, who wants to wear a condom? Yeah, right? Popular Science 1951.

Cover story. Oh, you know what the cover story was it was uh get ready for the automatic transmission wow that was the cover story like things you need to know about the automatic transmission there's less you need to know

than the picture on the cover had a picture with the clutch and an X through it. Nope. No clutch. Was it... Get it. Yeah. You idiots.

Was it the man who wasn't there? The Billy Bob Thornton movie? Yeah. Coen Brothers movie? And all throughout it, there's like a subplot about how dry cleaning is the next big thing. Oh, yeah. I don't remember that. I saw that movie and I don't remember anything about it, really.

Well, he wasn't there. Spoiler. Yeah. I mean, maybe it would be more memorable if he was the present man. True. Yeah. True. They should have made a movie about that guy. Who was there. But you can't do that, because it was set in the past. That's true. Oh, that's true. They should have made a movie about that guy. Who was there. But you can't do that because it was set in the past. That's true.

Oh, that's true. All movies are technically. History is written in stone. Some limited movies are set in the future. I know, but they were shot in the past. So think about that. What about movies that are being shot right now? They'll be in the past by the time we get the.

Has there ever been a live movie? Yep. It was the only movie shot all in Esperanto, and it was also live. Starring William Shatner. Yeah. Starring Ed Kowalczyk from live. And it was a huge success. I don't know why they didn't do it again.

It's one of those anomalies. Hollywood. Yeah. So that's what's going on with me. Yeah. Staying home. Dadding it up. Yeah. So that's what's going on with me. Yeah. Staying home. Dadding it up. Dadding it up.

Yeah. Loving it. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. McDonald's. In the meantime. Yes. Also, while that was happening, I went to Alberta for my brother's wedding. Oh, that happened.

Yeah. Post stag party. Yeah. Post stag party. They got my brother and his fiance got married. His then fiance. That's right. Current wife.

All fiances are in the past. Right. Oh. Yeah. Think about that. Let that rest in your mind for a while. Did you emcee the wedding? Nope.

I was relieved of that duty. I was part of the wedding party, but I didn't have to emcee, which was great. Formal? It was formal, but not the ceremony and the reception were all in the same place. Yes. In a fancy art gallery. Right. But formal dress. Formal dress. For the wedding party. No belly shirts for me. Yes. A fancy art gallery. Right. But formal dress. Formal dress.

For the wedding party. No belly shirts for me. No. Did you wear a tuxedo? No, not a tuxedo, just a suit. Suit and tie. Yep. Did you wear a tie? But then people couldn't even tell, right? Yeah, I wore it on my head, like Psy from the Duck Dynasty. Psy the racist one? Yep. He's the old guy. What's it short for?

Psychology Today. Is Psy the racist one? Yep He's the old guy What's it short for? Psychology today Don't Now Psy's the one who did Gainer's style Yes And it's weird that he's racist Yeah He's a man of the world Yeah

Yeah But he's got a ton of formal wear yeah that's true it's a little flashy but still it just said formal it doesn't specify it's a tasteful wear tasteful formal don't show up in a zoot suit um so it was great. The wedding was great. It was a lot of fun. And they had, I've never been at a wedding that's had this, but it's, man, does it become

the center of the evening? Photo booth? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Whoa. That just became the whole night. Was just trying to outdo the last group of photo booth. People, they really love photo booths

And I don't understand Why We had one at our wedding How have you never been At a wedding that had one We had one at ours But like It wasn't a booth

It was a booth Yeah yeah It was a setup A setup yeah For a wedding I get it Because it's You want to get

Fun pictures Of the guests At your wedding Yeah But I'm talking about Just out in the world People like They lose their minds over photo booths. Yeah.

They're very excited by them. Pay like $5 to do. Yeah. To get a terrible picture. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And where you have to all squeeze into the booth.

Let's all get in here. It'll be like a montage from a thing. It'll be like a montage from a thing. So you did a thing where, like, the two copies would come out. You would keep a copy, and then you'd put the other copy in this book. It was right next to the photo booth. Mein Kampf. Exactly. Yeah, that was the book.

Every single time. Every photo booth comes with it. It's like the Marriott's having the Book of Mormon. That's right. And yeah, it did. It just became, as the drinks were flowing more steadily, just became a competition to who could do the more outrageous. I think I did an okay job.

What did you do, Grant? Lampshade on your head? Huh? Lampshade? There were no lamp okay job. What did you do, Grant? Lampshade on your head? Huh? Lampshade? There were no lampshades. What? I did a topless one, which was popular.

Which was popular? Did you do it by yourself? Everybody loved it. Solo topless? Solo topless. Or Janet Jackson, someone holding your boot? I was not far from that. Justin Timberlake was invited to the wedding. How is everyone seeing this?

Because they're in the book. Right. Okay. So you put them in the book. At the location? Right at the location. They come out. You put them in the book.

Yeah. And you sign it. When topless, how many drinks in were you? Many. I don't know how many. Right. But many. Four.

One free photo. Somebody said, let's do like a maternity thing. The best man and I did like, he was like. He held your belly? Yeah. He was putting his ear up to the belly and like, you know, kind of sleepy face on the belly. Sleepy face? I don't know.

We were new to it. But so we did that. That was popular. I don't know. We were new to it. But, so we did that. Uh-huh. That was popular. We didn't do, like, pregnancy photos. That's a shame.

Because, I mean, they're weird. Yeah, it seems like busy work. Yeah. It's like, while you were waiting for 10 days,

that would have been a great time. Well, that's probably would have been a, that's probably would have been a good strategy.

Like, hey, let's book this appointment for pregnancy photos. That's the day the would have been a good strategy. Like, hey, let's book this appointment for a pregnancy photo. That's the day the baby's going to come. You mean like, I'm sorry,

Graham, you mean like at a photo studio, not just taking pictures of the progress of the belly or something? Yeah, there's people who do like,

let's, you know, go to a studio, draw a smiley face on the baby belly yeah put on those oversized sunglasses yeah there's no need for that balance of faz on top i'm again well yeah you're for it alone on board yeah let's have you both shirtless oh yeah see the problem with getting those photos taken is that they could get out. You know what I mean?

Like somebody, a robber could break into your house, steal those photos. And then they're everywhere. I see. Well, that's why you got to keep them off the cloud. Yeah,

exactly. Keep your pregnancy photos out of the cloud. Quit victim blaming. Look, if you don't want people to see your pregnancy photos, don't take pregnancy photos. I know people that had pregnancy photos taken and then had them, like, destroyed. Digitally destroyed.

Yeah. They had them displayed in their house so that you had to see them. Like it wasn't an option. Yeah. That's why people do it. I know, but do they not know that that's a weird thing to do? Well, they did it in the first place. Yeah, true so they're they're out of the loop grand let me ask you yeah uh when you say these pictures were popular does that mean people were coming up to

you at the reception saying hey that was a good one yeah yeah i saw your picture that was great they were saying that's hilarious you became like an instant celebrity at this reception i'm so sorry to bother you at your brother's wedding yeah my kid's a big fan celebrity at this reception. It's him. I'm so sorry to bother you at your brother's wedding. My kid's a big fan. It's our anniversary. Would you post for a

picture with my wife? In the booth. Yeah, it was great. It was, yeah, it was a lot of fun. I love weddings. Yeah, me too. I really enjoy weddings.

I've never had a bad, well, that's not true. I had one bad time at a wedding. You get that big bad one every once in a while. Yeah, me too. I really enjoy weddings. I've never had a bad... Oh, that's not true. I had one bad time at a wedding. You get to have a bad one every once in a while. Yeah. People that don't quite know how to feed a large group of people or... Yeah. Ensure that things are fun for them.

Bride's family, bring the crackers. Groom's family, bring the cheese. I feel like if you go to a wedding... Bride's family's getting off easy. That's right. If you go to a wedding and you're in a relationship that's kind of on the fence. Yes. That could, it can be a really bad time.

Because all of a sudden it's like, what, is this ever going to be a thing? Your next. Yeah. And you're like, ooh. Yeah. So I've had that experience. Not great. Not great.

It was a weird noise. There's someone outside screaming for their children or something, or dog or something. Sounded like a Victorian ghost. This is why we wear headphones. So we can't hear it. Help me. Oh, well. So it was great.

It was in Calgary? It was, yeah. And it was great. I wore a suit, you know, just like a real man, like a real adult man. Did you like wearing a suit? I did. Of course, you've done that before in your life. I don't mean to imply this is the first time.

I used to wear suits on stage to perform comedy. That's true. I've seen old clips of you. And then the city is so casual that people just couldn't get past it. They'd be like, what's with the... Why are you wearing that? Yeah. Is he doing a businessman character?

And then I'd be like, ah, forget it. Just two mad men. What does that even mean? Fall from a mean fall from a building fall out of a cartoon building while we sing along um do you guys want to move on to overheard please i don't care mark your calendars for a brand new thing the first ever max fun week is coming up october 15th through 21st max fun week's all about celebrating the creativity and passion of our listeners. We'll have podcast crossovers, Q&As, behind-the-scenes tours, giveaways, and more. No fundraising, just awesome stuff for you.

So tune in to your favorite MaxFun shows, tell a friend about MaxFun, and check out some new shows during MaxFunWeek, October 15th through 21st. I'm Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher. I am Ricky Carmona. And we are the cast members, what, I don't know, podcastiness of Wham! Bam! Pal! That's an action sci-fi movie podcast you can find on MaximumFun.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use.

Tons of things you can use. We break it down so it can forever be broken. Hilarious jokes. Plus, sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here. We'll see you in your earbuds. Overheard. Overheard's segment in which all of us, us here, you out there, get to express your feelings via listening.

Express your feelings. Yeah, feelings first. Overhear it with feelings. You get to listen in on people's conversations and report them back here. And, we always like to start with our guest. You know, the protocol.

I do. You know how this goes. Protes. I totes know the protes. Ghost protes? Ghost protes. Oh, man.

My, I have, I have a very brief one that is not earth shakingshaking, but it did maybe roll my eyes. These two women behind me, this happened back home in LA. I was walking down the street and these two women behind me are having a conversation. And one woman says, well, she's thinking of buying a house in Englewood. And then the other woman said, oh, that's what I'm doing, except not in Englewood. Let's talk about my thing.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let's move off of your work thing. But there's one. I don't think that I've told you guys this before. We need to digest Englewood. Yeah. Let's talk about our feelings.

What are our feelings about Englewood? I don't know it. So. You've been to the Fabulous Forum. That's true. Is that in Englewood? Yeah. No, you haven't beenulous Forum. That's true. Is that in England? Yeah. No, you haven't been there though.

Oh, have I? Do you know it? I'll see your yes and and flush it down the toilet. Do you know what is the place that Samuel L. Jackson's character Jules is from in Pulp Fiction? Oh, I did not know that. He is greeted at the door To whatever the weird safe house is Or whatever Marcellus Wallace's house I don't remember

As our man in Inglewood You may know it from That song I think it's Dr. Dre Mentions it Sure Something something Inglewood Something something N word wood Whoopty whoop

Is the something something Now you have another I understand Talk show style Now I understand You have another overheard We're on a schedule My younger brother

When we were kids We'll get to it After this break Oh sure I understand. I understand. Now I understand you brought a clip. Yeah. It's going to be a wham bam pal promo or something.

We have a nephew and he was, we were kids and then because my sister was older. We were? Jesus Christ. I thought we were? Jesus Christ. I thought we were on a schedule. No, we're not. When I know the guest has an out time, that makes me so on edge.

It's not a hard out. It's not a hard out. It's a soft out. It's a soft out. But it's still an out. And an out is an out. But we have time to play with. Don't, guys, don't.

All right. Don't worry. You're the one who's like, Englewood, next. A fact about Englewood. Moving on. Engle heard. When we were in our teens, we had a little nephew. He was a little boy, Daniel.

And my brother, for some reason, was saying to him hey you know what we're gonna get after after this cartoon's over we're gonna kick out the jams and he didn't know what that phrase meant my brother meant nothing by it and it but my little nephew was entranced by this i was like we're gonna kick out the jams my brother's like yeah we're gonna kick out the jams and he kept saying it. And then eventually, you know, the cartoon's over. And his mother, my sister, comes in and says, all right, it's time to go home. And he's like, no, I don't want to leave.

He's like, no, we have to go home. He's like, but Uncle Alan said we were going to kick out the jams. He was like tears streaming down his face. Over this thing that was meaningless. Oh, man. Well, it's not meaningless. Yeah, and you got so excited about it. Children can't kick out the jams.

Oh, of course they can. This is for punk rockers. It's 2014. They can do whatever they want. Well, now, of course, kids kick out the jams all the time. Oh, sure. There's an app for that. There was, yeah, there was a time it was for adults only.

Every kid is very proficient with the jam kicking out app on the iPad. Jam kickers. Somehow it's linked into Uber. Yeah. I've seen dogs kick out jams with that app where they can, you know, hit a fish. Yeah, sure. Animal crack-ups. Now hosted by an app. Dave, do you have an over hi hi um

my over say hi to each other hi we got we have to start again we got a real hard out now um my overheard is from uh the women's hospital here in vancouver british columbia yep uh hospital where i was born and where my my son or daughter was born we're pre-taping this episode i don't know yet um where my daughter was born um and at uh there's so many like stages like there's a room you go to to be evaluated and then a room where you go to for an actual physical evaluation uh it's not really a room it's curtained off and then there's another room you have to take your clothes off and they like spray it yeah they get out of the air horn. That's right. Then there's another room where they actually do the procedure to induce.

Then you go up to a different room to wait for the baby to come. Then they take you down to the delivery room. Then back up to another room to recover. Do you think this is all to make the baby come faster? You know what it is? It's bureaucracy Bureaucracy In the future

We will all vote for bureaucracy Bureaucracy It's just It's a make work project They've got to have all these rooms Because you know it's Teamsters They justify the exorbitant cost of childbirth. Free.

It's a scam. Free. But while Abby was in the recovery room, I had to go get some stuff from the car. This baby came so fast. We had packed bags of like clothes and snacks and things. Board games. We had risk in there i brought all the game of thrones books we didn't need any of it like everything got left in the car yeah um and uh i felt dumb because i had this underwear i'd packed there i was really gonna

break out my day two underwear in case I was there a long time. He had them all packaged in different Ziploc bags. I only have the days of the week on them. They're fun. They're fun, sexy underwears. But while I was in the elevator heading down to the car, there was a woman who was, I don't know, I'm not good at gauging these things But I would say 600 pounds? No 100 weeks pregnant

1000 years old? 100 weeks pregnant Maybe you know 20 months pregnant Yeah at this point Overflowing with baby And She was talking to uh to another pregnant woman a lesser pregnant woman and she said to her uh yeah and so after he said that i was like oh i can have sex here thanks

like maybe there's a room in the hospital where you can have sex, but she's not in the mood for it. No, yeah, but that's got to be one of the stages they bring you to. Do you think he meant the elevator? Yeah. Was it Steven Tyler? Yeah. Well, they were living it up. Hey, that was about love.

I'll read between the lines, Paul. Don't be so naive. You're right. How could you fall in love in an elevator? I shouldn't have made that my vows Falling in love is so hard on the knees Shouldn't have made that my vows Going down

Have you seen that video? Lately? Not lately, no That love in the elevator? I keep needing to revisit all those old videos Here's what happens in the love in the elevator video They're in a department store. Sure.

A department store. Here's what I remember of it. There's a guy who looks and there's two ladies dancing in their underwear. And then someone else looks and it's actually just two mannequins standing still

in underwear. And all throughout the video, there's Steven Tyler in an elevator. Keeps going back and forth to these ladies who keep turning into mannequins. And at the end, the store manager walks off with these two mannequin ladies, except they're no longer in mannequin form. And he's carrying two ladies. Two live people?

Two live ladies in their underwear in some kind of, they're basically going limp so he can carry them it's horrifying wow so they're not they're not like stiffly posed as mannequins now they look like dead bodies they kind of i mean they're trying to be stiffly posed as mannequins i'm sure but there's bounce there's more bounce to the ounce into the mannequin chipper i mean that's implied that's was it something in the 80s about uh mannequins that were super sexy i think that was the last decade where we weren't sure if they were alive or not and then and then finally in the 90s like the results are in they are just plastic people're not real. But like half of the fiction in the 80s was about mannequins going to life. Fully 50%.

Yeah. Absolutely. Well, what was that? Because there was mannequin. Yeah. There was that video. Mannequin 2. Mannequin 2.

Raiders of the Lost Ark. Sure. Author, author, starring Al Pacino. Wasn't there a child, a children's thing that takes place in a department store? Chucky. Yeah. Oh, Today's Special. Today's Special.ucky. Yeah. Oh, Today's Special. Today's Special.

Yep. What? Whoa. What is Today's Special? Because I don't know if that made it to the lower 48. Oh, it was a show about a woman. Let me wiki that. Who worked in a department store.

She had special mannequin powers. Yeah, she was on the night shift. Were there some sweet sounds coming down? There might have been. I mean, I was young, but I wasn't ready to kick out the jams. It is a Canadian production. Yeah, her name was Jodi. I know that.

And she hung out with a mannequin named Jeff. Jeff Hislop. Jeff! Yeah, and when he had his hat off. Jeff Hislop is Jeff. Yeah. And when he had his hat off. Jeff Hislop is a famous dancer. Yeah. He was in Phantom of the Opera. Yeah.

He's a musical theater actor. Yeah. When his hat came off, he would become a mannequin. When his hat went on, he would come to life. So, it's sort of Frosty the Snowman situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That fits under the same umbrella. Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. So, hat hat off he was a mannequin yeah hat on there must have been some magic i assume in that old silk hat he found um etc get on board and then there was a security guard who was a puppet and also a mouse that talked in rhymes hold on a second this is for kids yes okay all right i thought this was like a sitcom you know oh like a primetime kind of thing then she's like got a friend who's a mannequin yeah that was like their adventures you know yeah yeah there's a lot of shows that i honestly thought it was just rip off of mannequin but like how do you sustain that over a sitcom's lifestyle this was on tv for seven years there was like mr ed and you know all that stuff like all those weird gimmicky things that ran mother

the car my mother the car yeah yeah that was a thing that was a thing yeah did these happen before color television like mr ed was black and white yeah these were all like the monsters yeah that was the whole premise was they're a monster family run with it and they're one of two monster families they're living right out in the open the monsters and yet people come to their door and they're like freaked out and run away and everything. Why aren't they on the news? Like we have discovered a monster family. You know, was it the Cold War? Was Cold War happening? It was the baby boom.

Must have been the baby boom. Baby boom, Cold War. What the diff? Was it in popular mechanics? I could see it. Or popular science. Sorry, I forgot. Were those things, neither of those things are ever popular.

No. Well, you know. The automatic transmission became very popular. Yeah, yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah. Once people understood how to use it. But not celebrated.

No one was like, it wasn't popular the way that like Iggy Azalea is popular. The most popular in the world. Mm-hmm. as popular. The most popular in the world. So it would be incorrect to say that the automatic transmission was the igazalia of its time.

It was not. Super incorrect. The twist. That was the igazalia. Bingo. Thank you, Graham. Now, Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. And it was eating at a restaurant. Oh, that must be nice.

It was very nice. Thank you for commenting. It was for some people. Yeah, it was for me and me alone. Because I ruined everyone's time there. Sir, could you not smoke here? Absolutely. Stop reaching into the lobster tank.

They are alive, I assure you. That's right, you're reaching in? Yeah. These are fake. I bet you these are dead. Please stop spraying bear spray to get our attention. Just say garçon. Wait, spraying bear spray?

Just spraying it up in the air? Yeah. Like a cloud of it? Excuse me. Instead of ringing a bell or whatever? Please, please. Oh, can you imagine if you brought a bell to a restaurant? Like a school bell.

I'd bring an airplane. Clang, clang, clang, clang, clang. Can I get some more bread? So there's two ladies having dinner right next to me, and one of them was talking about doing her astrological chart. Yeah. So I was listening.

I couldn't. It was just fascinating. Of course. Because, you know, this very exciting time for you because Mercury is rising in the house. And I'm making this up. Yeah. This is all nonsense. And I'm making this up.

Yeah, this is all nonsense. And then the response one of the ladies had to one part of the thing was she said, you know, you may go on a holiday or, you know, maybe something exciting like that. And the woman said, yeah, that's too bad because, you know what? I don't look good in aviators. That's all that she picked up from it. What a specific astrological chart. You're going to wear aviator sunglasses? Oh, no.

Mercury is rising and Steve McQueen is falling. But that she took from holidays like holidays. Sun. Sun glasses. Aviators can't do it. One style of the sun glasses is available. But, I mean, it was no dumber than what she was being told on the other end.

You know what? Fair enough. She was just participating in a dumb conversation. Basically, like, the whole conversation, she had aviators in the back of her mind this whole day. That's right. Vacation? I'd rather stay home. Yeah.

Give me one of those fortunes. Oh, man. It's, uh, I was watching, uh, do you know James Randi? The Amazing Randi? The Amazing Randi. Yeah, that's the James Randi I know. He's like a famous psychic debunker. Oh, okay.

And magician. I believe he's a magician. And a magician, that's where, yeah. And there's a guy, everybody should watch this clip of this guy that says that he can do, use Kung Fu power in his mind. I've seen this. To flip a page in the phone book? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh! It is excruciating because basically Jamesani hands this guy his ass on TV. He's like, okay, well, you know, if you can do it without breathing on the phone book, then I'll give you this check. I've been carrying around this check for 17 years. Yeah. And the guy just is like, oh, no, you know, the energy's wrong. It's creating static electricity.

It's fucking with my... It's so... And the guy is almost like a hillbilly. Like this... Well, he's got a crazy Bruce Lee style kind of haircut.

Yeah. And he's wearing this... Oh, it's... It's something else. Yeah. It's gotta see it. Yeah, he claims to have these psychic...

These telekinetic powers which only seem to work on phone books which have the flimsiest pages available in all of publishing and uh pencils that was another thing that he could blow across a desk he could move a pencil with like it's very weird he was like i guess it was like not pursing his lips but it was like a very direct blowing motion. But he would blow it in a very, he would form his mouth in such a way that it wouldn't look like he was blowing.

But it was very direct. Yeah, and he was like creating a gust of wind. Yeah, that's it. Smiling and blowing through his teeth. Just through gritted teeth. And they... I'm trying to get... I'm shaking. Oh, God.

Dave filled his mouth with water and did it, and it was great. Visual gag for the ages. Is there a shirt in the house? Your daughter's friends are going to love this kind of stuff. Oh, man.

So good. Now, we also have Amazing Over herds Sent in to us From around the world A little bit of water Goes a long way

Yeah That shirt's wet You know I just can't wait To see the eye rolls When you get upstairs Oh boy We gotta take care of this now

Yeah Thanks a lot Now he's got a wet shirt Well Baby spit up Yeah Yeah We gotta take care of this now Yeah Thanks a lot And he's got a wet shirt Well Baby spit up Yeah Yeah Like father like daughter

Yeah I guess so I guess that beats the Wet t-shirt baby contest Possibility Happening hourly At this house One winner every time

But I understand You have overheards From around the world I do Thank you for reminding me at this house. One winner every time. But I understand you have overheards from around the world. I do. Thank you for reminding me. This guy's got a hard out. You know what I mean? If you want to send them our way, you can send them in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Matthew M. in Halifax.

You sure it's not Matthewm? No, you're right. I was saying it wrong. Excuse me, guys. I have to go to the Matthew M. in Halifax. You sure it's not Matthewm? No, you're right. I was saying it wrong. Okay. Oh, excuse me, guys. I have to go to the Matthewm. I have to do some math. I was visiting a student in a graduate course

in the psychology department of one of the many Halifax-based universities. I don't know. There could be one or two. There could be ten. Take your word for it. Mm-hmm. And the regular students were discussing where to go out for their weekly dinner out. The students were trying to describe the location of a fish and chips place to one of the more

eccentric students. Never explains what that means. That never gets explained. I think we all know, though. Yeah. Fedora. Eccentric girl. Is that the one behind the A&W?

Students. Eccentric girl. Can you get beer there? And one of the students says, I think so. And eccentric girl says, I've been there. My boyfriend made me wait in the truck while he went in there for a beer. So. She doesn't sound so eccentric to me. I've been there. My boyfriend made me wait in the truck while he went in there for a beer. Oh. So.

She doesn't sound so eccentric to me. Kind of sad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I bet everyone else is eccentric and that's why she's the only one without a fedora. She's like the monsters. She was on the news.

Woman waits in car. Wasn't it? Was Seth MacFarlane going to do a reboot of the monsters? Was it the monsters or the Flintstones? They did a reboot. They did a reboot of the monsters. Yes. Did they really?

Yeah. What's his name? Eddie Izzard was in it. Really? Eddie Izzard played grandpa monster. Oh my God. Yeah. I had no idea.

I think like three episodes aired. Yeah. And then they were like, what are we doing? Is anyone into this meeting of the cast and crew yeah hey guys we we thought it over we made a mistake right who thinks we made a mistake raise your hand no hard feelings you're all welcome to leave at any time you'll be paid for your time yeah we just i don't know We just really let it get away from us here. Sorry.

It was late. Exactly. That last idea thrown out in the meeting. Munster's reboot? All right. We'll do that. Did I dream that? Did we commit to that?

Do you know who I think produced it was Brian Fuller, the guy who did Pushing Daisies and did Hannibal. Really? Yes, yes, yes. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a career. I love that Hannibal. I can't wait

until it starts up again. The food. The food. Oh, I heard you talking about it. It's so crazy. It does look good.

Have you been to that restaurant by the guy who makes the food? No. Bazaar In Los Angeles? Oh I have I was there when it first opened

And that's And I don't remember much about the food It was sort of molecular gastronomy Kind of thing Molecular gastro Molecular gastro But

What I do remember was that It's not in like a great part of Los Angeles. Like it's not, it's not a very cool or interesting part of Los Angeles. In the cannibal district. And there was a, the vibe there was very kooky. Like it seemed like a big hunk of Las Vegas that got transplanted to Los Angeles. In a big flashy hotel. Yes, exactly. Yes.

Exactly. Exactly. And they had weird stuff on display that like you would see in Vegas where it's like random artwork or something. Animals that don't exist. Trophies of animals. Is that a Fiji mermaid? Yep. They had a Wookie. Is it like

the Hard Rock Cafe but of weird things? Yeah. Okay. This is the sword from that thing. Yeah. Something with a sword in it. This is the sword from that thing. Here's a guitar that they played in space.

Yeah, exactly. You get it. Weird stuff. Signed photo of Marvin Barry. Wait, they did play a guitar in space Yeah He's Canada's most celebrated celebrity Wait who did?

Chris Hadfield Canadian Canadian He's a Canadian astronaut Oh and he played a guitar Oh he's not a guy from a band that went up into space No no no An astronaut who played the guitar

Yeah Played the guitar There it is Nailed it This next one comes from That's the take couple Oh, no, no. An astronaut who played the guitar. Yeah. Played the guitar. Played the guitar. There it is. Nailed it. This next one comes from... That's the take, Koppel. Can I go back to bed now? This one comes from Hunter G.

Are you sure it's not Hunter? Yeah, no. Again, I fucked up. It's Hunter Gatherer. I want to protect my anonymity. I am a simple man. Fire scares me. Yeah.

Just right again to say so. Just here to correct you about what the real oldest profession is. Why do tigers have to have such big teeth? Am I right? Are these berries poisonous? I was at a Zeller's And a woman in the checkout line What is a Zeller's? Does it exist anymore?

It's Canadian Target basically Yeah We're the lowest price of the law That was the slogan Jesus And Zeddy was the name of the teddy bear Zeddy Zeddy the Zeller's Bear

Zeddy the Teddy Yeah Pretty the teddy bear. Zeddy! Zeddy the Zeller's Bear. Zeddy the Teddy. Yeah. Pretty good, right? He's pretty adorable. Named after our president, Theodore Roosevelt. He was from space as well. But he never played the guitar, though. No, no, no.

Keytar. He played a keytar. I was at a Zeller's, and a woman in the checkout line was furiously cleaning her child's hands with hand sanitizer. After she finished, she turned her back to the child who proceeded to then lick the display rack next to her. Ah! You gotta keep those kids germ-free. Oof, oof. Yeah. You got to keep those kids germ free. Yeah.

I don't remember having that drive to like put my tongue on things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, for when you're, when you're an infant, it's a very, it's a big part of being an infant.

Yeah. Yeah. Putting whatever you can into your mouth. Yeah, it's true. But then there's a phase two of being an infant, is putting whatever you can into your mouth. Yeah, it's true. But then there's a phase, too, when you're a younger kid and people are daring you to put things. That's different, yeah. Yeah, like an older brother telling you, hey, the 9-volt battery.

That's the only one I remember. I still love it. When's the last time you did it? Oh, boy, it's got to be 30 years. No, I don't know, probably 10 years ago, but I still get a chair generator. Right. I hear you. I would do it right now if you had one.

There's got to be one in this house. This last one, I realize I cut off the name of the person who sent it in, but- I only got their last initial. The person will know. Yeah. People will, the person who sent it in, but I only got their last initial. The person will know. Yeah. People will, the person will know it's theirs. And that's really all that counts, right? That's right.

That's right. I was in an Ikea in Massachusetts on Friday and I overheard a lady talking to another lady. Lady one. Well, you know, the girl in the girl with the dragon tattoo. Lady two, yes. Lady one, all her stuff in her apartment was from Ikea. That was the takeaway of that movie.

She did have it rough. Swedish. Yep. I read those books. Did you really? Yeah yeah yeah I got them When my wife and I

Went on our honeymoon Cause we were Going to Hawaii We were gonna be like Lying by the pool all day I was like I want the garbagest Book that I can find

And then where are Many Grishams? No No Too old? Grisham Boring Yeah

No you wanted a trash-o i wanted i wanted a trash show and these were being much ballyhooed yeah yeah and so uh i read them all they're very violent yeah um i've seen the swedish films oh we tried to watch the swedish film one night and it we got about 20 minutes in i think we turned off on the first rape. We were like, this is one thing in a book, but to see it acted out, not in a Hollywood way, but like in a brutal Swedish way. This isn't fun entertainment. Let's turn this off. But I was surprised at how much brand name checking happened in the books.

There's a lot of Apple products that are name checked. Yes. There's great detail about what computers people are using. Yeah. The girl with the dragon tattoo always has her Newton on her. And then a lot of going to McDonald's. A lot of people go to McDonald's in these books. I wonder if you get paid the same as if you have a product in a movie. Like, do you get money if you're an author?

I've never heard of that before. I've never heard of authors getting money to put products into books. Why not? Why not? Well, of course not. Say your next book in McDonaldland. The Mac and Me deal. That's right.

And additional overhears that are written in. Phone calls. Our phone number is 633-9-8-3-2-8. Like these people have. Hello, Dave and Graham, the lovely guests. This is Amy from Sherman, Texas. And I'm just leaving the grocery store. And I caught the most adorable conversation.

Little girl's going by the cards. And she says, Mommy, can we get one for us? And Mommy says, Honey, I don't think they make happy unbirthday cards. So it was funny to me. Hey, thanks. You guys are great. I feel like she's the little

girl in the story. What a sing-songy voice. Yeah. Real. She's very precious. Real positive. They should make happy on birthday calls. Cards.

Cards. Why don't they make happy on birthday calls? Sorry, Paul. I have an accent. Why don't they make happy on birthday calls? Oh, hello. I think you're late for this dentist appointment. Thank you for inviting me to your podcast.

What is that from again? Happy on birthday? I don't know. Oh, it's from, isn't it? Alice in Wonderland? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. That's the one with the one pill that makes you.

One pill that makes you bigger. Yeah. They did a weird thing. There was like a photo thing on the internet that was pictures of the actors who did the voices for Alice in Wonderland, like posing for the animators. So they were all dressed up like their characters that they voiced.

What, the Disney one? Yeah. Oh. It's crazy. From a million years ago? Yeah, from a million years ago. And, you know, you look at these voice actors

that had to dress up as the characters so the animators had a reference. But they were not people that we would know. No. Because back then, you could be... It was Nancy Cartwright. It was Hank Azaria.

Yeah. Harry Shearer. Harry Shearer did like 10 voices John DiMaggio Who's John DiMaggio? Billy West John DiMaggio

Is on Futurama And um Adventure Time Right I believe He also uh Was briefly married To Marilyn Monroe

The Yankee Clipper Of animation Jolton Joe John DiMaggio the Yankee Clipper of animation. Jolton Joe John DeMaggio. There's your next phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guest. This is Joe from St. Louis.

I was at a show last night and overheard this obnoxious guy talking about his independent theater project. And he said, it has happened thrice, and it will happen quatorze. All right.

Thank you. Wow. I wouldn't have known how to follow up thrice, but now I do, and I will use it. But I don't think quatorze is correct in that instance. I've never heard it used correctly. I've only ever heard it used by Bono.

Yeah, me too. Me too. It does not mean fourth. No. Three times. It does not mean four times. Twice. Thrice.

Quator-thithe. Fourth-thithe. John Fourth-thithe? John Fourth-thithe. The voice. Charlie. Where did you hear Bono? Where does Bono use it?

In a song? What were their jumps? Uno, dos, tres, quatorze. I'm loving it. Right? Mm-hmm. They are great. Yeah.

All right. Hard out. Final phone call Oh please Hey Dave Graham and Jeff This is Nathan from Alright do you want to talk About YouTube for a while

Yeah why not Did you guys get the Did you guys get the New YouTube album I don't think I did get The new thing I didn't either Why didn't I

Why didn't I I got the new IOS Oh I didn't Where's my free album That I don't want to listen to It's not the new IOS I guess Well

No it's your iTunes I was told in the't want to listen to? It's not the new iOS. I guess, well, no, it's your iTunes. I was told in the iTunes that it would be there. It is not there. Is it? It's not online yet. I've updated everything. Is it not? Is it in your unpurchased?

Do you have an unpurchased account? Dave, I've checked all the folders and files. If you go into iTunes, the store, it's available for free. I've checked available downloads. Uh-huh. No, but the whole thing is. Yeah, you don't need. Like, they make it like, poof, it's there.

They force it upon you. And then I can delete it on my own. Yeah, that's a great album. Yeah. Why is everybody so mad about it? People are. People. But there's not enough to be mad about?

I guess. People like to be curmudgeons. Because it's like, so they sent a thing out, so what? And then did you see the post that people posted back in the 80s? If you bought this certain type of Walkman, you would get a free. It came with boy? Yeah, it came with you twos. So they've been doing this and that.

And people loved it then. Why not now? Well, it's Walkman technology. Yeah, that's true. People loved it. You were just getting a free tape. You could use it to clean your Walkman. Were people mad and entitled back then?

Put tape over the holes so you could use the holes. Sure, yeah. That's right. Things with a free blank cassette. You too. We hacked it. Yeah. Did cassettes have, did they all have that little sound at the beginning?

The hiss? Well, some, like, I feel like different record companies would have their own signature sounds. Oh, like the Omegatron changing into an airplane. Yeah. Boop, boop, boop. Or like. What? Some kind of.

Yeah. I don't know what you guys are talking about At the very very beginning of a tape Before even the first song would play There would be like Sometimes it would be like that Or sometimes it would be like Sometimes it would be a lion roaring

Sometimes for Mary Tyler Moore's album It would just be a cat That was a good album Yeah I gotta listen to that again Concept album Yeah Very dark For Mary Tyler Moore's album, it would just be a cat. That was a good album. Yeah. Oh, I got to listen to that again. Concept album. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Very dark. Yeah. But they threw in the, you're going to make it after all. That's right. That's the line. But played in a minor key. Many trenchant points. Yeah.

She doesn't, you know she doesn't catch that hat. Final overheard. Aren't you glad we didn't say banana? Hey, Dave Graham and guests. This is Nathan from Philadelphia calling in. Final overheard. Aren't you glad we didn't say banana? Hey Dave Graham and guests, this is Nathan from Philadelphia calling in with an overheard. I am standing in line at Wawa

waiting to get my purchases and there's a few different cashiers operating at once and one of the cashiers is conversing with a gentleman

who sort of came to see him at work and hadn't seen him in a while and was asking about different things and standing close enough that I could hear their conversation, which is pretty uneventful, until the guy says, hey, man, how's your mom doing? How's she doing? And the guy's like, yeah, she's good, man. She's good, man. You know, she stopped clowning. She's working at Wegmans now. The guy's like, yeah, she's good, man. She's good, man. You know, she stopped clowning. She's working at Wegmans now. The guy's like, wow, no way. He's like, yeah, she hung up her big shoes, man.

It's the end of an era. It was great. I guess that's what clowns do. They hang up their big shoes. Stop clowning, man. Yeah. They hung up their oversized tankie. That's right.

They raise her wig Into the rafters Sure Number double zero That's every clown's number What do you think That No doubt

What do you think That era was called That is now over The end of her era Oof Yeah Geraldine the Clown era I made up her first name What's her name? Geraldine the Clown Geraldine the Clown era. I made up her first name.

What's her name? Geraldine the Clown. Geraldine the Clown. Yeah, that's not bad. I was thinking it was the Clown Mom era. Sure. The Clown Dynasty.

The Clown-esty. Clown Dynasty. Oh, man. You could be one of those guys from Clown Dynasty. Yeah. Yeah. Just paint up your beard.

Oh, well, that brings us to the end of this here episode. Now, Paul, you know how we do. You want to plug anything? When does this go out to the world? This will come out one week from today. One week from today. The 29th of September. Please check out my web series, Speak Easy, with Paul F. Tompkins.

That is on, uh, you can find it on YouTube. Okay. Um, there'll be more interviews coming out. We're going to shoot some more coming up. Uh, please check out the Dead Authors Podcast if you haven't. Yeah. I think you might enjoy it. It's a lot of funny people improvising, um, as real people who are no longer alive.

Yeah. people improvising um as real people who are no longer alive yeah um and if you're in los angeles sunday uh october you know it's in the 20s and i'm gonna say say it's October 26th. October 26th, Varietopia at Largo at the Cornette. That is my variety show that I do. You produce so much comedy. It's too much, and I have to stop doing some of it. Fair enough. I don't have time to do it all, and I'm very tired. Yeah, you're just one man.

I mean, one man part machine. I actually do really enjoy doing a lot of stuff but it is kind of catching up to me that it's like there really are

you're not a young man anymore I'm not a young man anymore it's very true and it's you do a lot of stuff that it's like you have to keep coming up with more

yes everything I do is very involved yeah like it's not it's not oh this thing I do you know

bi-annually I really made a mistake I made a mistake it's not a one man show you're not getting this month's not, it's not, oh, this thing I do, you know, bi-annually. I really made a mistake. I made a mistake. It's not a one-man show. You're not getting, this month's Varietopia is not going to be the same as next month. Yeah. Yeah. It's a mistake.

But you know what? We're, we are richer for it that you do all these things. Well, you're sweet to say, Grant. It's true. You know it's true. I know it is. I'm a great person. Dave, any plugs?

I want to plug the new Deborah Messing series, The Mysteries of Laura. Yeah, absolutely. I understand you brought a clip. Yes, here it is. Past guest, Deborah Messing. Hey, Laura. Get over here. What?

I can't. I'm doing a mystery. All right. Okay. The next time. That was great. Good conflict. Margot was born on the same day as the premiere of The Mysteries of Laura.

And we very nearly named her Laura. No, you did not. That's not funny. Dave, you take that back. Here's what I would like to plug. What if she hears this year from now? What I would like to plug is a few things. Not really plugs Thank you to our listeners

For voting for us We have won awards since we last recorded Yeah that's right We won the Canadian Comedy Award this year Graham is moments away from slamming it Yep We just need to get our hands on it Congratulations you guys

Thank you It's very exciting I had no idea We also won the Georgia Straight Local local Vancouver poll for best podcast in town. Yay. Also, here's something personal I would like to encourage everyone to do. I have a friend who needs a bone marrow transplant. Yes. And all of my friends are joining onematch.ca where you swab your you you they send

you a swab and then you're part of the registry and it's a very quick and um uh painless painless thing to do i guess i'm assuming it's less painless if you are usually chosen yeah that's uh but it's much less painless than it apparently used to be. And it's a great thing. It's a far greater thing that you do than you have ever done. That's probably true. That is probably true. It's safe to say. I haven't done much.

I would encourage everyone to head over to onematch.ca. This is a Canadian thing. I don't know if there's an American equivalent. I hope there is. Yeah, and do that. And that's it for me that's fantastic wilderness man oh yeah

I'm working on a thing it's this CBC comedy coop which is that helps people get bone marrow

transfers yeah exactly so you should go last Dave thank you really buried the lead there

anyway I play wilderness man he's a guy in the wilderness and that's about that does sum it up he's perfectly healthy but he would go on that list I like to think he would

yeah yeah he's a good guy anyways if you want to follow it on Twitter, you can. But, you know, really do sign up for this bone marrow thing. You know, I can't stress enough. You know what? I have this platform.

Oh, my god. Anyways, you guys, it's been great. Thanks for listening. But in all seriousness, do follow Will Wilsman on Twitter. Seriously, do. You know what? As a listener, you're capable of many things. You don't have to just do the one thing.

Paul, thanks for being our guest. Guys, I'm so glad I was able to do it. Thank you for having me. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.