Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 345 - Debra DiGiovanni

Episode Date: October 28, 2014

Debra DiGiovanni returns to talk Los Angeles, Nick Nolte, and bubbles.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 345 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine. Joy to the world.

Jeremiah? Yeah. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Dave Shumko. Hi. Hi. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was Shumka. Hi. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine.

Never understood. Single word he said. Helped us drink his wine. And he always had some very fine wine. Yeah. Yeah. What? Why?

Because I just heard it at a diner. But why does that, why were those lyrics? Oh, why were those lyrics? I don't know. Why was the song called Joy to the World when there was always a really famous song called Joy to the World? To all the boys and girls, joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Yeah, joy to you and me. Yeah, I guess so.

I don't know who sang that. Who sang that? Oh, some garbage 60s hippie. Dusty Filthy. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out that all the stuff in the song is symbolic. Like, oh, yeah, Jeremiah is actually Rasputin, and it's all about the Russian Revolution. The wine represents wine. Yeah, Jeremiah wasn't a bullfrog.

And our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast, a hilarious, hilarious comedian, Miss Debra DiGiovanni. Hi. Hello. Is this my third time? Yes. I think it is. Oh, my gosh.

You were on one live one. Yes. So that, including this, was this four? Oh, my gosh. This might be four. This might be four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa.

Do I get a free coffee? Yeah. Yes. One more stand. Yeah. And I get a free podcast. Woo. I. One more stand. Yeah. And I get a free podcast. Woo. I made coffee.

You said no. I did. I just, I blatantly, no, I will not drink your coffee. I'll take your water. Yeah. And your wine, but no coffee. Oh, we always got to Mighty Fine. Nice try, Jeremiah.

Yeah. That was that song, it's because they were high as kites and they, someone was like, okay, we'll record it and put it out. And everyone thought that was okay. Yeah. That was the 70s's cause they were High as kites And they Someone was like Okay we'll record it And put it out And everyone thought That was okay That was the 70s guys Do you know Yeah that was the 70s

Now if you're not Talking about your ass Was it the 70s or the 60s Maybe it was the 60s Late 60s I'm A lot of drugs More drugs than there are now

I think so It was by Three Dog Night Came out in 1971 Oh guys And It's about Raspbian Three Dog Night though I feel like they've had came out in 1971. Oh, guys! And, uh... It's about Rasty. Three Dog Night, though. I feel like they've had more than one hit, though.

Like, that's... That feels like a... I wonder. I one-hit wonder about that. Nice. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

Do we want to, uh to Figure out what other song Three Dog Night has? Oh, it's Chuck Negron Oh, I That's You can dance to it For sure

He's a band member Right? You can dance with it Yeah, you can dance with him For sure It's like a bad 90s band name Three Dog Night

Yeah Three Doors Down Yes, it is Right? Yes it's like a bad 90s band name Three Dog Night yeah three doors down yes it is it is right yes Stone Temple Pilots okay

Mama Told Me Not To Come oh yeah that's probably their biggest hit that is I don't want to meet your mother that's a weird

relationship well it was like with your mother right what are you doing in my room anyway? That's weird. I mean, she's. It was the sixth.

Or the seventh. What was happening? Everyone was high. Anyway. Anyway. That was the other. Shambhala. Shambhala.

Oh. Shambhala. That's it. Sure. Yeah. Right? Yep. Black and white.

Oh, the Michael Jackson. That's it. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Right. Yep. Black and white.

Oh, the Michael Jackson. In the video where three dog night turned into a panther and then beat up a car. Like a bonus level. I love it. Street fighter two. That would cost Hector. So what's new? What's new with Debra? Hi guys.

What's new? I moved to America. Yeah. How long ago? Like 18 months ago. Okay. Back and forth. Two pregnancies ago.

Yes! Two terms ago. Yeah, like last February. February 2013. And you're in sunny Los Angeles. I'm in Los Angeles. And everyone's like, the weather is so great. Here's the thing with me and the weather. It's beautiful. It's beautiful.

But anything relentless is awful. Do you know what I mean? Anything that's every day. It's just like, can we get one day of cloud, please? One day. That's all I want. Just one rainy day. The 18 months that I've been there, it's rained once.

Wow. Yeah. And suddenly now, being just living there, I suddenly am all a weirdo about water now. Now I'm like, I'm terrified that we're running out of water because we are. Yeah. And I'm scared to death. And California every day reminds you there's no water. And I'm terrified.

Because it's a desert. It's a desert. It's really a desert. And it's, have you seen some of the stuff that they've been putting about, about how, oh gosh, they had this on the weather network about like, you know, I know because that's what I watch. That's what I sit there compulsively. Please, God.

You're 75 years old, if I'm not mistaken. But I look 73, and that's all that matters. That desert air. Yeah, doesn't crack. But just how dry it's getting. Like, over, like, in the last 20 years, it's really getting dangerous. Yeah. It's like, it just never stops burning.

Everything, it's always on fire. Yeah. And, yeah. it just never stops burning. Everything, it's always on fire. Yeah. And, yeah. Oh, yeah, it is on fire a lot. It's always on fire.

I'm like, everything in LA is on fire, except for my career. Right? Oh, I'm so, do I have to go? Do I have to leave?

No. Yeah. Okay, good. You know where the door is. Either way, you know. Yeah,

so it's, I find it very strange, because like, there's no water pressure. Like, it's weird things that you don't things that you forget that you'll miss in Canada. I think I still have soap in my hair. Is it just you? Have you showered at other places or is it just your apartment?

This is my third apartment. So it's like every apartment I go to, there's no water. It's just- Is there a way around that? Is there a workaround to low water pressure? I think you have to be rich. I think you have to be rich. I think you have to be rich. Then they give you water.

I think that's what it is. I don't know the story. I miss the weather, though. I can't believe it. I miss rain. I'm so excited that it's raining. I miss cold weather. It's...

There you go. Ridiculous, yeah. I don't know. I kind of miss... It's not quite cold enough here. It's just... Not yet. It would be nice.

I get to... I'm going to Winnipeg in January, and everyone's laughing, and I'm like, I can't wait. I'm not joking. I'm like, snow, bring it on. I would be nice. I get to, I'm going to Winnipeg in January and everyone's laughing and I'm like, I can't wait. I'm not joking. I'm like snow breaking on a person. But that, other than that, it's a nice city. I miss snot. I miss good trip. You miss snot?

I do. I miss snot a lot. Actually, let's remedy that right now. And I miss the transit, like the public transit a lot. Because you have to drive everywhere. I don't like to drive. Well, there's a bus in Los Angeles, but it has to go above 50 miles an hour, otherwise it explodes.

Have you heard about this bus? That's why it wouldn't pick me up. I understood. I assumed that Keanu Reeves needed the gig, and I was like, look, he's driving a bus now. Well, what are you going to do? It's all I want. But that's the thing.

There's not. You know, they have a subway system that is a big joke because no one uses it. So it's like immaculate, you know, because no one uses it. But it's just because it doesn't go anywhere. So I find that very upsetting. I find it very upsetting, though. Is it actually the monorail at Disneyland that you're talking about? You're kidding.

But I also, too, like I went, I grew up in Toronto and I went to Ryerson in Toronto. And when I went to Ryerson, it was still, it didn't have books or teachers or pets. We had to use chalkboards. What? That's how far. Remember? By little slate. By slate.

No, but it didn't have a residence at that time. So it was a very city college. But, you know, you had to live and then go back. So L.A. to me is like Ryerson because after class, when I went to Ryerson, I'd be like, so what are we doing? They'd be like, I have an hour and a half drive to go home. So that's what LA is. Like after shows, it's just like people always, oh, it's too far.

I'm sorry. I can't. And it is. Going to have coffee with someone is like, they have to drive 45 minutes and you have to drive an hour to see. Yeah. Who's going to do that? Nobody. Nobody. So that's what it is that i find very difficult and it's also like i'm not used to that i'm not i'm just not used to being in traffic everything is like oh it says

google tells me it's it's 30 minutes no it's an hour and a half like everything you had to learn how to drive yeah like i'm in the process i've now i know how to drive i'm just still not a comfortable driver. But you like, you're like never. No, I, I,

when I was in high school, cause you know, I have a twin sister. So my twin sister was big into cars. I didn't know you had a twin sister. Yes, I have a fraternal twin sister. Really?

Yeah. Wow. We're very different. We couldn't be more different. I thought it was good. The story was going to be identical twin sister. And she took two driving tests. Yeah.

Oh, that would be more amazing. That would be way better. She actually took all my tests. Oh, that would be more amazing. That would be way better. She actually took all my tests. I have no education at all. She loved cars and loved driving

so Joanne got her license and I just drove with her. We lived in a small town that was not necessary so I never did. So you just never bothered.

Nope, never bothered. Melon camping. Yeah, and then I moved to Toronto and didn't need it and I was just like, okay. So now I've... And how is it? Learning? Is it scary?

I'm miming driving a bus. This is my mantra when I'm in the car. All these idiots drive, I can drive too. That's honestly what I say. Because you look at it and you're like, these people are fools. I can do this. So that's honestly what I... But I got into my first accident. I didn't get into an accident.

I was pulling into my parking lot, my little parking garage, and two Italian ladies, like literally from Italy that did not speak a word of English, drove into me, just crashed into me, crushed my driver's side door. Wow. It was very exciting. Were they driving a Mini? They were. I'm not lying. They were actually driving a Mini? They were I'm not lying Were they really? They were actually driving a Mini

I am not joking And then so they were like We have to leave We're going to take a flight And I was like You're going to miss the plane Arrivederci and such Really?

So I did Yeah it was And I just had that moment Of like oh I wish I could speak Italian So bad Right now But yeah so that's Yeah I've had my first accident

So I guess I'm in now Congrats Yeah thank you Yeah welcome aboard Yeah you know it's not Until you kind of Knock the thing around you know it's not until you you kind of knock the thing around a bit it's not yours you know exactly so now it's all scraped up and have you been in an accident uh no well no that's not true when i work drive much no no but i used

to work for a company that did a lot of like um ads like they made you know Mattel ads or whatever and I was driving the company vehicle and I scratched the shit out of it because I wasn't a good parallel Parker nobody is yeah and I really like yeah came in on a post I'm a very good parallel Parker of course I am oh look at me look how coordinated I. Don't I seem like I would be? You know what? To be honest, you do, actually. Like, it's a science for you, probably. Exactly. And I like it.

You got a whole formula. I dig that. That's good. Have you ever been into, like, a car-on-car accident? No, I just, I've, like, maybe a dozen times I've opened my door and hit a cyclist. No, I've never done that. A dozen times. I refuse to learn.

But it doesn't count as an accident because I'm parked. But the first time you ever do that, you open your car door. You didn't have a close call. Oh, my God. And have a person. I remember even just being in Toronto the first, like taking a taxi and like opening the taxi door and a driver, a bike, a cyclist going, you know, watch my elbow.

That only happens once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So scary. So scary. Well, I don't want to kill somebody, but they also get very mad. Yeah. No, I've been in a couple,

I guess maybe just one minor, like bumper stumper. Yeah, bumper stumper. That's it. Awesome. How many points did you get? This bumper, wait, no, this license plate belongs to, do you remember that, awesome how many points did you get this bumper wait no

this license plate license plate belongs to do you remember that show yes I do yeah what other

remember we had a lot of really ridiculous game shows yeah there was one of those remember just like mom do you remember that

yeah just like mom was great do you remember that just like mom no where it was kids and their mothers and they had to do

like what will your mother answer it was like the newlywed game for mama's boys. Guy in a little sailor suit. Wearing the same outfit. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that's so good. And then there's this wonderful, you'll have to look it up.

There's a wonderful montage on YouTube of the host. Yeah. Kissing little girls. Oh, my God. It is so upsetting. Yeah. It's so upsetting because it's like, you know, again, it's the early 70s and what I guess it didn't matter.

He is so perverted with the girls. It's unbelievable. Is he making like, is he making like innuendo? Yes. And like there's even one, like there's even a clip where the mother of the child is like, hey, hey, hey, like, you know, like, what are you doing here? Like, seriously? So creepy. Like kissing kids. No, you doing here? Seriously. So creepy.

Kissing kids. No, you don't kiss kids. No. Do you know what I mean? Even the cheek. You don't kiss a child that is not yours. I met a kid. Unless they're Italian.

They didn't laugh at it. Buona sera. If they have a full mustache, then kiss them. I met a kid yesterday, and I was like, what do you do? You shake his hand. They're like, Yeah, they did. And it was so weird because they've got these tiny little...

And you want to look at them and be like, come on, not a dead fish. Come on, firm up. Yeah, come on, you're never going to land this job. The weird thing with kids is even like saying, how's it going? They don't know how to answer that. Like, huh. They're not used to meeting... They're not used to the stock answers.

Yeah. Fine. Boom. That's it. That's right. Don't be honest. What am I doing? Kids don't want to be

honest and truthful and stuff. You know what I mean? But it was great. I was like, you know, kid and yeah, what do you do?

You don't hug them? No. Give them a noogie? You tousle their hair. Oh, that's a good one. That's classic and calm sport.

Yeah. What do you want to be when you grow up? I flew in yesterday, and it was a flight full of babies. And it was... Just you and a bunch of babies. Can you imagine? Baby jet? The pilot does the hurry.

But it was a bunch of babies. And the woman in the family in front of us, she had twins, twin boys, identical. And you know when you can just look at some kids, and you're just like, oh, you don't have a chance. Oh, really? You know what I mean? Because the mother was so domineering. The way she was talking to them and the kids, it was just like, there's no way they're going to be serial killers. All right, kids, no wire hangers. That makes mommy angry.

What is that from? Mommy dearest. Terrifying. Wire hangers. That makes mommy angry. What is that from? Mommy dearest. Mommy dearest. Terrifying. Wire hangers. She just, and you know, because I know, you know, Dave's just had a child. But, you know, there are the people that are like, I am the only person that's ever had a child. And that's who she was.

Do you know what I mean? She was very like, I had twins. I didn't have a baby. I had twins. And it's like, all right, you're a miracle of birth. We get it Do you know what I mean? She was very like, I had twins. I didn't have a baby. I had twins. And it's like, all right, you're a miracle of birth. We get it. You know what I mean? So she was just, oh, the poor boys.

Like I looked into their faces already and I was like, yeah, I'm really sorry, guys. Because they were seven and they hated their mother. Do you know what I mean? And it's like, oh, it's kind of sad. I know. Right? It's so early. That's nine usually.

Right? That's when it kicks in. I was sort of a mom-hating prodigy. The youngest, actually. I'm hating my mom at a grade 12 level. In utero. I'm so out of here, mom. You're six.

So you survived the baby flight. Yes. And what are things now that you live in the States full time, is there anything besides water pressure that you like miss? Yeah. I do. I miss. Coffee crisp?

Ketchup chips. They'll go crazy for ketchup chips. They'll kill you dead for ketchup chips. In the States? Oh, my gosh. They don't even know what to do. They think it's the greatest thing in the world. Then why don't they make their own?

I don't know. I don't know. They're too busy making like, there must be some sort of, they do sriracha. You know what I mean? It's all, yeah,

they do sriracha chips. Wow. I know, right? I, you know what? Just like, honestly,

I miss just Canada. Like, I don't know how else to say it. Like I just miss Canada. Um, I, I, honestly, I miss just Canada. Like, I don't know how else to say it. Like, I just miss Canada. Yes, I left because I didn't know what else to do, to be honest. Well, once you get no so many times, you're like, well, I might as well leave because I'm not going to retire from comedy. So I might as well go. Oh, let's all retire from comedy.

That's it. Let's do that. Let's do that. We're all, we're very excited. We're already getting cardigans and stuff. Oh, guys. There should be like a Canadian very excited. We're already getting cardigans and stuff. Oh, guys. There should be like a Canadian comedy retirement home. Wouldn't that be nice?

Just one big house. We all go in and live. That would be amazing. That's a condo. You're sleeping on the sofa for the rest of your life. But yeah, I just, I just, I miss Canada. I miss, you know, I was, I was very spoiled here. I'm very, like, and just in terms of my comedy career. I was very spoiled here.

No, it's all deserved. Don't get me wrong. I know I'm funny. But it was just easier. Like, I don't know how else to say it. It was just easier. I mean, then it's weird because I think in Canada it's easier to start and become a comedian and, like, hone your talent and hone your craft and find out who you are.

I think it's a little easier here because we just have more opportunity to be on stage. But then that opportunity stops, I think, at some point. And then you're like, okay, well, now I need to go up there. How do I do that? And then it's, you know, stateside. Then you have to learn how to drive and all this stuff. And you have to learn how to drive. And let me tell you something.

I might have to do some sort of little talk for everyone that wants to move to Canada because I was telling Graham last night, you know, just doing my taxes this year, I found out that there's... Wait, people want to move to Canada? No. No move from. No move from Canada. The comics that are like, I'm thinking of moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had no idea. And I'm embarrassed because I never looked it up. I didn't do any research. I just moved. I found out. I'm so stupid. You just packed everything in a suitcase. I just go and I just moved.

This is going to be great. Threw my hat in the air and I ran. That was it. You know, did some twirling and I just moved. This is going to be great. Threw my hat in the air, and I ran. That was it. You know, did some twirling, and then I left. But I just found out that there's a 15% self-employment tax in California. Is that the craziest thing? You pay 15% of everything you make worldwide. So I live in California.

I don't make money in California, but they're like, yeah, but you made money in Canada and Australia. So guess what? You owe us, and that is for the privilege of living in California. I don't make money in California, but they're like, yeah, but you made money in Canada and Australia. So guess what? You owe us. And that is for the privilege of living in California. And that's in addition to your income tax. Yep. That's just for being self-employed. I figured it out with commissions and agents and this 15%.

I now earn 33% of what I make. Wow. So I make 33 cents on every dollar. Isn't that terrifying? And it's just one of those things I had no idea. Like honestly, my

accountants were like, you can't live in California. And I was like, I have to. That's it. It's California, New York.

What if you lived in Nevada? What if you lived in Las Vegas? That's literally what they said to me. They said, is there any way you would

move to Nevada? And I was like, probably not. No. Would it be the craziest if you lived in Las Vegas? Did you let Christine

Von Hagen move to Las Vegas? Yeah. Isn't that weird? She loves it, though. She loves Vegas. Yeah, she loves Vegas. She likes to gamble.

Yeah, who doesn't? Yeah, booze and gambling are her things. What if you lived in Las Vegas and you never went to the Strip ever? You know, oh my God. We just ignored that part of the city. People were like, the Strip, you're like, where? What? You're unfamiliar with it?

The TV show CSI is about the like, the cops in Las Vegas. And they're like, they go to people's bungalows. Yeah, that's true. It is a lot of bungalow-based crime. There's a lot of bungalows. Yeah, that's true. But that's- But you're like, Las Vegas, no.

I don't think so. Because it was just, because then you'd have to constantly keep driving into LA. Like, that's the thing. It's like, you know. Oh, but you love driving. That's my understanding. I'm so good at it. But, yeah, now I realize, you know, comics that get big and successful and rich, they move out of California.

Oh, yeah. They do. They go and they live in Portland or wherever, you know, wherever their home is or their family is. And I'm like, oh, I get it now. So New York State has the same one? Yeah, this is apparently. I don't know when it started, but it's just they were like, anywhere but

California. Or New York! And I was like, oh, okay, alright. So I think, I don't know if it's just a little to keep, you know, actors and comedians in their place or what it is. Well, you know, if the government doesn't then who? Right? Exactly. You have a dream? 15%. Hand it over. Finally,

someone's trying to keep comedians there.%. Hand it over. Finally, someone's trying to keep comedians down. Yeah, thank gosh. Right? Finally, they're getting some rejection. We would be running

rampant on our success. Wouldn't we? We would be just unbearable with our millions of confidence and, you know, pride.

Oh, we'd be terrible. Oh, man. You can't eat dignity. Oh, no. But I also, you know, yeah, man. You can't eat dignity. Oh, no. But I also, you know, I, yeah, it's just a lot of things.

I miss my pals. I think that you guys, it's, you know, the three-hour time zone change is just. It's crazy. Oh, you show, your friends start having babies

and, you know, and you try to phone people in Toronto after 9 p.m. It's just, you don't, they don't do that. They don't do that. Like, my best friend is like, you don't call me at 10 o'clock.

I have a child. I'm like, I don't know the rules. You know, so that's you don't call me at 10 o'clock. I have a child. I'm like, what? What's going on? You know the rules. So that's, it's hard to keep in touch with people. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. I'm just, I'm having trouble breaking into the community. That's what it is. Yeah. Well,

it's, you know, I've heard the Las Vegas family scene. Going to like speed dating. What a good way to meet people. That is exactly. You break into a community.

Church, you go to church. Yeah, church. Mixers. That's what I've been missing, the mixers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe I keep saying no to all these mixers. Why don't I just say yes? Yeah.

And go. Well, they're inviting you. They want you to be there. That's the thing. Oh, Juice for Jesus? I'm into it. Are you kidding? I would there. That's the thing. The Elf's Lodge is there. I'm into it. Are you kidding? I would be.

But other than that. It's all happening. It's fine. It's all happening. It's fine. You know what? It's like, you know, and everyone, well, why don't you come home? No, I'm going to.

I'm going to. I gave myself five years. Never. I gave myself five years. Five years? Yeah. Okay. And then, you know, because I don't think it's.

Five years you'll be in an institution. Come on. In an institution. That's 75% of your income. I know. Oh, wait. No. Okay. And then, you know, because I don't think it's... Five years, you'll be in an institution. Oh, come on. In an institution. That's 75% of your income. I know. Oh, wait, no. Oh, no. Over 500%.

Yeah, I know. It's terrifying. But... But there's just more, though. That's the thing. That's the catch. What's your favorite thing about being, like, what's nice, what's good about being down there? Avocado.

Oh, tell me about it. Oh, my God. Everywhere? It's just, like, they just grow on the street. It's crazy. They're like weeds down there? It's just like, well, I tripped over an avocado. I mean, it's ridiculous.

One of my friends was coming to visit me, and she's living in London, England. And it's just my favorite quote right now. I'm going to come visit you, and we're going to eat guacamole every day. And I'm like, yeah, dare to dream, Allison. You know what I mean? It's just Allison Smith. Yeah. So funny.

But it's actually friendly, which I didn't think it would be. But it's a friendly city because sunshine makes people happy. You know what I mean? That's true. So it's like, hi, hi. People say hi to you on the street. They say good morning. It's a big dog culture.

Good morning, Deborah. Avocado. That was the avocado saying good morning to me, actually. Good morning, sir. You just get daily avocado deliveries from like a man in a white suit. Oh, the milkman? But now it's the avocado. Yeah, avocado.

The good fat. Yeah. But it's, you know, it's friendly. So that shocked me. I didn't think it would be friendly. But it's actually quite like generally speaking people are pretty friendly so that's nice

and again I make jokes but the weather you can't be unhappy when it's sunshiny all the time like it's just it's

oh watch me watch me I accept the challenge but yeah it's good and there's just a lot there's a lot of because I think a lot of times

you know especially comics I think that they think New York it's gotta be but no there's a ton of, because I think a lot of times, you know, especially comics, I think that they think, New York. It's got to be. But no, there's a ton of comedy. Like, there's tons of shows. Great comedy. Great shows to get on. And like, all of your

favorite comics are just walking around, living their lives. So that's always weird, too. It's always like, you know, I try not to be a fan, which is weird. Because there are times where I'm like, I want to hug you. Go ahead and hug them. I can't. We're supposed to be friendly down there. Unprovoked hugs. Date that. But yeah, so there's a lot of really good comedy. And then, you know, it's just the small things that

like in Toronto, like an example would be like, you know, because I lived in Toronto, doing video on trial was great and awesome and fun. But you guys wouldn't have, excuse me, you wouldn't have done video on trial was great and awesome and fun. But you guys wouldn't have, excuse me, you wouldn't have done video on trial because, pardon me, you wouldn't have flown in to do it. Right.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's the same thing. It's like the things that come up in LA, I would never have gotten them while living in Toronto because they're not going to fly you in to do like Byron Allen. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, they're just going to make you drive five hours.

Yes, yes. So it's that kind of thing. So it's like just the small little opportunities like that, that, you know, the things that we took for granted here and then it's just

on a bigger scale there. So hoping. Nice. It's going to be all right. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. It's going to be better than fine. It's going to be great.

Yes. All right. Sign me up for that. I mean, what is there in Vancouver to like do? You know. Are we it?

We're it. Yes. Literally, yeah. You come on here. We're the Byron Allen of Canada. So I understand. You just start billing yourself. The Byron Allens of Canada.

So I understand you have a problem with pretzels. Funny you ask me that, Byron. 20 minutes problem with pretzels. Funny you asked me that, Byron. 20 minutes set on pretzels. Well, there you go. There is a local, they didn't do stand-up, and it wasn't really, there was never anything funny on it. You were on it. I mean. Ouch.

That's terrible. That was just bad sentence structure. But like you, Urban Rush. Oh, Urban Rush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a, it just ended, I think. Did it just end?

Yeah. Are they done? It was a local, With Fiona. Yeah. A local like community, what do you call it? Broadcasting.

Cable access. Cable access show that after, Kind of like Wayne's World. Yeah. Except with not as good production values. Whoa. Whoa. But like they as good production values. Whoa!

Whoa! But, like, they would have comedians on, but they wouldn't do sets or anything. No, and they wouldn't set them up. I did that several times. Did you? I've done that show a couple times. I did it with, remember it used to be a guy and a girl? Yeah.

He left a couple years ago, and then it was just Fiona on her own. And they did a, it was on TV last night, there was like a half hour thing on the legacy of the show. Oh, really? Yeah. Which is weird because the show was an hour long. Yeah. For 18 years. And then, well, we pared it down to half an hour.

Maroon 5 was on our show once. Were they really? Yeah. I actually, I was, I thought, nice to hear that it's gone. Because I was like, oh, I'm not in urban rush this time because I'm always doing press and always, always, always. It was one of the things that we did.

Yeah. There you go. Rest in peace. God bless. There you go. But you were on it. You beard painted on there once? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you really? Yeah. Fun. I know how to have fun. I'll have to look it up. Are you still doing that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm working on a thing.

It's taking forever, but it's a chapel amazing god the blood would rush to your head yeah yeah can you imagine hanging it there's a lot of seasickness yeah other than that i don't know why i took this on i don't have the time i'm doing it pro bono yeah oh no yeah you know the church doesn't have the time. I'm doing it pro bono. Yeah. Oh, no. You know, the church doesn't have any money. No, please. Please. Well, they don't pay 15% tax.

No. No. Oh, you're going to be a church. That's the way. Be a church. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Be a church.

That is good. Holy Mother of Deborah. Holy Mother of Deborah. Yeah. A church or a Christmas. Either one. Great Caesar's Deborah. Yeah. A church or a Christmas. Either one. Great Caesar's ghost. Yeah.

But no, I have to incorporate now though. That's the thing though. Yeah. Yeah. Something like, you know, because I, you know, I got the business number or whatever, but it's another like incorporate less tax. Oh, what are you going to call your company? Deborah Incorporated.

I'm so stupid, but I always make jokes about it being Deborah Incorporated. I'm like, yeah, I'm sticking with it. I'm going with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Deborah Incorporated. Answer your phone like that. Good morning.bra Incorporated I'm like yeah I'm sticking with it I'm going with it yeah yeah yeah Debra Incorporated answer your phone like that

good morning Debra Incorporated this is Debra hold please I'm going to leave you on hold for 25 minutes and then disconnect you just put on your

comedy special when they're on hold but to music Debra can't speak right now she's at a mixer with Jews for Jesus alright I'm obsessed with Jews for Jesus lately I don't know why what With Jews for Jesus. All right.

I'm obsessed with Jews for Jesus lately. I don't know why. What is Jews for Jesus? It's Jews that like Jesus because they don't normally like him so much. They're not into him. So this is like a crowd. Yeah. It's a Christian version of Jewish.

So I think that Jewish people are like, don't do it. They don't like it. It's not a good thing. It's like a little offshoot. They don't recognize that. Yeah. They're not into it. They're not into it.

Jews for Jesus. Yeah. I remember it was a big, like a little offshoot. They don't recognize that. Yeah, they're not into it. They're not into it. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I remember it was a big, like an early 80s. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Like, the movie Airplane. He's navigating through the airport and there's like, Hare Krishnas and Jews for Jesus and, you know, save Bangladesh.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, boy. Well, I had a child and, you know, I'm like, I'm kind of? Oh boy Well I had a child And you know I'm like I'm kind of like the first person to have a child I was choked to my water But Now there's two things

That are super annoying to hear about When someone has had a child And when someone is describing their dream The dream of your child. But when you have a kid, there's all these, like, everyone gives you advice and like, oh, you've got to read this book. And you, you know, like, oh, every child needs this toy. This is the teething, the most popular teething toy in the world.

This is giraffe. teething toy in the world. It's a giraffe. But I had a dream that every parent was like raving about this thing, about this Nick Nolte poem. Oh my God.

Amazing. About bathing your infant. No! And everyone, like in my dream, it was that wording. The Nick Nolte poem about bathing your infant. No! And everyone, like in my dream, I was like, it was that wording. The Nick Nolte poem about bathing your infant. You haven't read it?

Oh my gosh. It's kind of amazing. That really is. That is really something. You need to write a poem now. And I was like, it was so real that I woke up and I Googled Nick Nolte poem about bathing your infant.

And what came back? Nothing. It said go back to bed. Zero truth. That's what it said. From Google. Yeah, you are dreaming. That's amazing, though.

Isn't that strange that it doesn't turn off, though, too? It's like, even your brain is like, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, totally, yeah. Give me a vacation. Subconscious. Nick Nolte. I know.

What would it, like, it was really, like. He's so gruff. It was great. I just, from the tone of it, it was like really inspiring, really serious and like heartwarming,

but like, not like a funny thing. It was just like, right. Like I couldn't, serious. That's what he's going to do now. You wait and see.

And kind of, yeah, kind of epic. It was like a whole book. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Bathe your baby. But I keep imagining Gary Busey. Gary Busey seems more like the type. Yeah.

He would come out with a crazy I think he needs the gig more than Nolte, I think. Can you imagine if Gary Busey did that? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I can imagine. Gary Busey's like a... Like, he doesn't act anymore. He just is Gary Busey. Yeah, I can't imagine. Gary Busey's like a, like he doesn't act anymore. He just is Gary Busey. He just is Gary Busey.

Yeah. He plays himself in I'm with Busey in Entourage. Oh no. Yeah, like because he He wouldn't even be allowed to wash a baby,

like legally. Right? Like that is not allowed. Right? I guess. Do you remember that on Just Like Mom when the host would try to bathe all the children? Just like that. Just like that.

But this is the, on the people giving you, inundating you with information. That's got to be weird. Because, like, everything, even, like, proper diet. There's so much information now that it's just like, I don't know what I'm doing. That's got to be the same thing for babies. Like everybody going this, this, this. Yeah, but ultimately you have to realize that they don't care.

It's like they just want to say a thing. They want to be smart. But then, oh no, we're just not breastfeeding. We're just letting the baby chew on a pencil. Yeah, we're just giving it blood. We just got a bunch of dog's blood and the baby seems chew on a pencil. Yeah, we're just giving it blood. We just got, we got a bunch of dog's blood and the baby seems happy with it. And then they're like,

ooh, this dog. Exactly. And then next week you're at Starbucks and you hear a whole bunch of women going, so anyway,

bloodletting the baby is really. Dog's blood latte coming up. But yeah, that's gotta be weird because everyone wants to give two cents on what is right and what is wrong and stuff.

But that should, you'd have to be, like, you should have to say to them, let me see your baby. Do you know what I mean? Like, before you give me any information, I want to see your baby. I want to know its GPA. I want to know, like, is it a doctor yet? Because if it's not, sure. Oh, it's a bat baby. Your baby's a bat.

That's why you're having so many problems. It's Wolf bat. That's why you're having so many problems. It's Wolf Boy. Oh, yeah. We're from the Weekly World News. We do. We live in a cave. We actually live in a cave. I don't know how I heard your podcast, but we live in a cave.

But it's like you say about driving. All these people have their license. All these people have kids. All these idiots have children. And a bunch of them. Yeah. All these people have their license. Like, well, all these people have kids. All these idiots have children. And all these. And a bunch of them. Yeah. Oh, boy.

A bunch. Do you think, like, will you go one? Will you go two? What do you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. God. Yeah. It's terrifying.

We're going to have quintuplets next. Oh, that'd be nice. You're going to hook that up. I got a feeling. You want to start, like, a family band? Mm-hmm. Right? A team of some sort?

Yeah. Well, you know. Oh, some sort of team. One of my eldest sisters has five children. Really? Five children. Gee, yeah. What?

Are you, how many siblings do you have? I have, there's five kids in my family, but come on, that was the 70s. We didn't know better. Yeah, the Partridge family was so popular. Real estate was free then. Yeah, yeah. You just had to live in Canada. The government gave you a plot of land.

This is still, you still got paid for having babies. Do you know what I mean? But also, there's a twin in there, so technically only four pregnancies. Still a lot. But my sister, like, voluntarily had five children. Well, it's got to be voluntary. But you're like, just like, and they're, her eldest is 16, and her youngest is like, not even two. Oof.

Oh, wow. Which is weird, because they'll never know each other. They'll never know each other. Isn't that weird? My brother and I were very close. I never talked to him. But we're eight years apart.

Oh, wow. But it's like... But when did you become close though? Was it later in life? Like as you grew up? Yeah, probably like, you know,

sort of as he was... Leaving. End of high school. Last couple of years there. That's when I was sort of bearable to be around, I guess. But yeah, like I feel very close with him, but it's also like, well, you're going to be like in a completely different stage of your life. Absolutely. For the rest of my life.

For the rest of your life. Well, that's not true, actually. You know? After I'm like. Once you're both like old men. Yeah. Once we're in our 50s, then. Then it's all whatever. It's the same thing'm like, you know. Once you're both like old men. Yeah. Once we're in our 50s, then. Then it's all whatever.

It's the same thing with like, you know, when you're dating someone younger than you. Like once the person is over 25, go for it. Do you know what I mean? Right. Like if you're 35 and your husband is 50, who cares? But if you're 35 and your wife is 20, then I judge you hard. Do you know what I mean? Like that's, it's weird.

I agree with that. That kind of changes in that sort of like, once we all get to a certain age. Because you're going through. Who matters? You're going through all these weird perception changes. I agree with that. It kind of changes in that sort of like, once we all get to a certain age, it's like, who matters? You're going through all these weird perception changes. You're still growing. You're still finishing becoming who you are at 20. Yeah.

Yeah. Now you're right. I think so. I really do. Why don't you write a book? I should write an essay. Yeah. Under the nom de plume.

Nick Nolte. Amazing. Prepare the bath. Yeah. So what's up with you Graham oh yeah yeah yeah I like it I like it too

I want let's find out here's my dream episode yeah dream episode Dave's not here it's just an empty chair dream episode

what alright um I uh this is okay this is what happened to you. Oh, boy.

Here we go. Here we go. It's not epic or anything. Strap yourselves in. I'm excited. I was chatting with a lady who works at the children's hospital. Ah. And she was talking about, because, you know, kids come in and they have all these things

to distract kids. Okay. From the needles. From why they're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she was talking about, you know, they've got popsicles

and this and that and she said, the only thing is that bubbles are on back order. We haven't had bubbles in the hospital. Blow bubbles? Yeah, blow bubbles.

Seriously? Yeah. The chimp? Yeah, bubbles the chimp. There's only one of them and he's on the back order. Did bubbles die? He died, didn't he?

I don't know. I think they buried him with Michael Jackson. They buried him with the elephant man's bones. It was in his will. I'm just going to wiki Bubbles. Do it. Please do. Go on.

So I was like, well, that's crazy. That's crazy and that's a thing I can fix that. I'll just go buy some bubbles. Get out. Yeah, so I went to the dollar store and cleaned them out. I bought everything of bubbles in the store. I just did the swipe off the shelf. Oh, no.

Into the basket, brought them up to the front. We were ringing them in for like 15 minutes, and then I got three feet out of the store and I was like, these are so heavy. They're not light as bubbles at all. They're like plastic containers. You should have found a way to transfer them as bubbles. So then,

uh, I went like, and then I had to do other stuff. So this is how you started your trip? Yeah. So I was carrying these bubbles around the city. How many containers do you think? Like 50? Oh, more than that.

Oh, stop it. Because they come in three packs. And so I just like. Like three pack Shakur? Yeah. Correct. Love his bubble. Anyway, so yeah, I had to carry these bubbles around.

And like at every stage, people are like, what's in the bag? Bubbles. I'm a crazy person. I work for Mr. Magorium's Magic Emporium. But did you bring them over and everyone was so happy? Yeah, I gave them and said, hey, there you go. That's very nice of you. But it was like such an easy fix.

Yeah, easy fix. You know what I mean? But also like any dirt bag off the street could now give them contaminated bubbles. Oh, that's true. Oh, my God. Yeah, bubbles with razors in them. The Ebola bubbles. Oh, no.

I was like, because they were all sealed. Were they all sealed clothes? Yeah, all sealed. Yeah. There's ways around that. There's ways around that. Razors and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, put a syringe in that. There's ways around that. Yeah, yeah. Put a syringe in there or whatever.

Oh, no. Oh, no. So why mention that? I don't know. But none of that happened, kids at the children's hospital in Vancouver. Yeah. They're all safe. It's all fine.

Oh, boy. So, yeah. Bubbles is fun. That was my big thing. And then the other thing I've been doing this week is, well, you know when you're on Netflix and it gives you like, here are the things that we think you would like. Yeah. I've been watching just those things. Oh, okay.

Interesting. Like just to see like. What? Do they know you? Does Netflix know you? Yeah, they don't. Turns out they're wrong. What did you watch that was terrible?

One of the movies I just finished watching this morning was Coneheads. That one was number one in the queue. That says a lot about you. I don't know why. It does. I don't know either. I don't know. What did you do to deserve that?

I don't know, but Coneheads for some reason was the number one. So I watched that. I don't think I'd ever seen it before, but maybe I did. Dan Aykroyd. Yeah. Jane Curtin. And some girl? Yeah, not Lorraine Newman as the daughter.

No, yeah, but some like teenage. And then Chris Farley. And then every SNL actor ever. Like they're all in that movie at some point. Even like roles that aren't funny that just could have been anybody. It's just Kevin Nealon. in anybody? It's just Kevin Nealon.

We had Abby's aunt stay with us this summer and her children stayed with us and so all of my recommendations are kids shows now.

Oh, yeah. Which is obnoxious. Like kids movies? Like any good kids movies? No. Well, I mean, it's like

the Lego version of whatever. Of whatever. Yeah, yeah. I've been watching documentaries off of Netflix and I'm'm quite, and I don't normally do that. Yeah. I watched about, oh, God, I wish, oh, it's called Exit Through the Gift Shop. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Have you seen that? Yeah, yeah. That's excellent about Banksy. Yeah. Do you guys think it's real? Do you think that that guy? I think it's all a thing.

I think it's all a prank. So do I. I think that the crazy French guy was just a part of the whole... Was it Monsieur Brainwash? Yes, yes. Do you think that... Because then after,

then we talked about it for an hour and a half and that's what I like about documentaries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You watch documentaries with people and then you chat about it.

Did you watch 20 Feet from Stardom about backup singers? I haven't yet. No. It's really enjoyable. I think that's one of the ones in the queue.

There's a couple other ones. How did Coneheads and that both end up in the queue? I don't know. That's weird. I think that's one of the ones in the queue. That's big. Yeah. There's a couple other ones. How did Coneheads and that both end up in the queue? I don't know. That's weird. Like, I watched this great one about how people become master sommeliers. Oh, somm. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And they have to, like, take these tests and, like, identify wines based on taste. Get out. And, but now it's just, I just get recommended, like, because you watch this, there's a thousand like booze related documentaries for me. My, my Netflix is terrifying because I like horror movies. So you see the things that I'm like, no, stop it. I, I really like, and this is another Alison Smith thing that this is the two of us. Whenever we get together, I like avocados and then horror movies. We're a killer avocado. of us whenever we get together. The avocado movie. Yeah, avocados and then horror movies. Avocado, the movie.

We're a killer avocado. Oh, that would be, okay, sorry. That'd be pretty good actually. Put it on the to-do list. We would just watch but stupid horror movies. Like, the dumber, the better. And that's the best.

Like, anything that was made in the 80s, oh, yes, please. You know what I love? You know, honestly, that my big thing, and it it's embarrassing but it's true I love when something gets crossed with something in the lab

and then now it's an alligator fish shark killer I love that that is my absolute favorite I will always tuck into that it's like oh these bats went crazy because we gave them apple juice or something and then oh I love it into that? It's like, oh, these bats went crazy because we gave them apple juice or something. Oh,

I love it. That's my absolute favorite. Don't do that, kids. Just tell you. Now they've got a taste for it. Oh my God. Oh no.

But true. But I love that. I'm always, I'm a total sucker for that. As you travel from America to Canada, do you notice that your Netflix gets worse? Yeah. That is one thing, though. The television, gosh darn it, they have good TV.

They do. That is one. There's a lot of good stuff. Like when people are like, ah, there's nothing on TV. Wrong, actually. There is so much on television. That's really wonderful. And so that's kind of stuff like, I mean, just because I never sprung

for the big cable when I lived here, and now it's just, oh my god, there's so much good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's really true. Yeah, so that's kind of nice. Check your local listeners. Everybody. Everybody. Yeah. But I also like, I also love, lately I've been into sort of like, I like animated kids movies

for some reason now, because God damn, they make you cry like nothing ever. Yeah. Nothing will make me cry like an animated movie. Like, it's just, why do they do that to children though? Ooh.

Like, ooh. Right? The first minutes of you're like, why did I sign up for this movie? I'm weeping in the first six minutes. That was good though. Yeah.

It was good. Like we talked about like the Hotel Transylvania, excellent, excellent movie. I haven't seen it. Oh, it's excellent. Adam Sandler. I'm looking forward to it. It's a hotel for Yeah. It was good. We talked about Hotel Transylvania. Excellent, excellent movie. I haven't seen it. Oh, it's excellent. Adam Sandler. I'm looking forward to it.

It's a hotel for monsters. It's great. Another one. Have you seen Wreck-It Ralph? Yeah. Sarah Silverman. I want to hug her so hard. Yeah.

I love that. Adorable. I love her. I just thought that was wonderful. Another good one. Tangled. Make me cry like a child. Like a child.

Your little one's going to love. She's going to love all of these. Oh, my God, they're so cool. You know what else I'm obsessed with is the, oh gosh,

Debra, Jim Carrey and it is The Number 23. Yes! No. Dick, fun with Dick and Dick.

No. Me, myself, and I. Lemony Snicket. Have you seen Lemony Snicket? I love it. I love it. I love it.

Do you know that the guy that wrote Lemony Snail but it's a whole series isn't it yeah of unfortunate events right

I should read them I would enjoy them he wrote them as humor books and then somebody he handed them to a publisher and the guy said eh we're not really publishing kids books

and he was like I didn't mean it to be a kids book oh seriously yeah and so then he started writing these kids books

because they're so funny. Yeah, they're so great. Do you know what they remind me of? Do you know the, I don't know if I'm pronouncing this right. I want to say,

Lemony Snicket. That was beautiful. That Gashly, Gashly Crumb. Gashly Crumb Tiny's? Yes. What is that? That's what reminds me

of that a little bit. Who's that? Edward Gorey. Yes. Oh, Edward Gorey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And I've got that. It's what reminds me of that a little bit. Who's that? Edward Gorey? Yes. Oh, Edward Gorey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And I've got that. It's like, is it the alphabet book of like 26 kids and how they were all killed?

And I've had a friend of mine, Ted Morris, had a print of it in his house the first time I met him. And then now moving, I have adopted it because I love it. It's so great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the alphabet about how all these kids. But it's got that sort of like, you know, obviously that sort of dark genre. And that's what it kind of feels like. And he, I saw a thing, Lemony Snicket was, he was going to go to an elementary school and read from his books.

Is he a real person? He's a real guy. Not his real name. Not his real name. And then he showed up, but as Lemony Snicket's lawyer, because Lemony Snicket couldn't make it. And so this guy reads it in this very stilted, lawyer-y way. And then he signed all the kids' books, like Gary Anderson. Oh my gosh.

So I kind of like this guy. Yeah, he's great. This guy seems like an awesome guy. Yeah, he's like super silly, and he writes these books. I like it. Yeah. Nice work. Should we move on to Overheard?

All right. I like it. Yeah. Nice work. Should we move on over here? All right. I listen to Bullseye because it gives me all the information on things that I know I want to know about, but it's also things that I didn't even know I wanted to know about. People I would have never heard of, like Jenny Slate and the Pointer Sisters.

I listen to Bullseye to be cooler and more cultured than the people who don't know about Bullseye yet. Of course, when I tell them about Bullseye, that doesn't usually work for very long. Bullseye, your guide to what's good for MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hey, Ross. Hey, Keri. Hey, it's me, your co-host. Oh, yeah, we have a show, don't we? We have a show.

Oh, no, Ross and Keri. Oh, no, Ross and Keri. It's about undercover investigations of fringe groups. Yeah, like the Tony Alamo Ministries cult. Yep, that's led by a pedophile. He's in jail. He's in jail. Also, we became Mormons.

We became Raelians, which is a UFO group. That's right. We joined the Ordo Templi Orientis. Yes, the 9-11 Truthers. We got cupped. We got acupunctured. We got reiki. We've pretty much anything that you've heard of

And been like, that doesn't sound quite right We've done that So you don't have to do it So if you want to hear about this, and you should Then go to MaximumFun.org Overheard Now Graham Do you want to know some facts about Bubbles the chimpanzee? Overheard. Overheard. Now, Graham.

Yes. Do you want to know some facts about Bubbles the chimpanzee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we? Yeah, I forgot that that was on the agenda. Bubbles the chimpanzee, according to Wikipedia, alive. Oh, thank God. And I don't know if he's well.

How old, like, when? How old do apes live? Oh, my gosh. But also, how old do you, like, when... Depends on whether they have a planet. When was Bubbles born? Oh, is this trivia? Yeah.

1965. I'm going to say 1996. Born in 96? Yeah. He had them in the 80s, though. Oh, yeah, you're right. Okay. 1976.

Okay. 1983. Oh! So he bought them when he was just a champ. Oh, no, so right. Okay. 1976. Okay. 1983. Oh. So he bought them when he was just a baby. Oh no, so he was a little baby. Like a baby little chimp. Yeah, he was born in Austin, Texas. Stop it. Keeping Austin weird.

He had that drawl. He did have that drawl. Here's what Wikipedia classifies him as. A pet, comma, occasional actor. Oh really? What did he act in? He's comma, occasional actor. Oh, really? What did he act in? He's got a better resume. Oh, he was in Glengarry Glen Ross.

Oh, my gosh. Always be closing. Always be chimpanzees. Bananas are for closers. See? I did the C. I took the C. Yeah, really good.

Apes, baboons, and chimpanzees. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. Go on. Right? Yes baboons, and chimpanzees. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. Go on. Right? Yes. Oh, let's do that. Let's make our own.

Let's do that. Let's do a version. Yeah. Okay. And he's known for being the one-time pet of American recording artist Michael Jackson. I guess he's no longer the pet. Oh, I wonder if he's in that thing. Have you heard about the, like,

Habitat for... Humanity? No. He builds chimp houses? It's a Habitat for retired showbiz chimps. Yeah. Seriously? And it's half nature

and half, like, a regular house with TVs and stuff and half Starbucks. They work at the Starbucks. That's how they pay for the whole thing. They put banana shots in everything. I said no poo

on this one. What's your name? They always spell your name wrong. It's a really long entry on Wikipedia. Here are the headings. Oh, gosh. Bubbles' Acquisition.

Life at Neverland Ranch. I thought it was going to be his acquisition. Yes. He acquired 9,000 stocks of shares of Talibert. His acquisition, Life at Neverland Ranch, Media Mockery. Oh, yeah. He did mock the media. Bubbles' relocation. Oh, my. And the death of Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah. He did mock the media. Bubbles' relocation.

Oh, boy. And the death of Michael Jackson. Oh, and Legacy. Oh, wow. Yeah. Better CV than all of us. Like, let's be honest. Oh, yes.

We'll never have those credits. How long is your Wikipedia? So he's alive. I didn't know they lived that long. That's a long time. He just has so many stories to tell. Right now, he's smoking a cigarette. At a bar.

These chips today. No respect. In my day. Your owner slept in a hyperbaric chamber. You didn't say shit. I had to walk uphill to go to Michael Jackson's house. Uphill. Four miles.

Yeah. On the way back, still uphill. Oh, gosh. Oh, over her. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fun. We always like to start with the guests.

Yes, yes. Okay, I had a couple because I was coming to see you guys, so I started eavesdropping like crazy. This one happened the other night on Tuesday night. I was at the corner of Santa Monica and Vine. And I'm right just standing there, minding my business, waiting across the street, and two dudes are behind me, and this is the snippet of their conversation

that I heard. So once I was kidnapped at gunpoint. Yeah, me too. That was, like, he didn't miss a beat. Like, as in, like, whatever, keep going. Yeah. Oh yeah, I was kidnapped at gunpoint. Yeah, me too. Stop boring me with the details. Really, it was just like, boring, move on, and I didn't look oh yeah I was kidnapped again but yeah me too stop boring me with the details really it was just like boring move on

and I and I didn't look around because I was frightened yeah so I was like don't look at these men and then they both had bags

on their heads amazing yeah so I fell in love with my captor yeah me too yeah I got Stockholm Syndrome

yeah he said I am your captor you are I love you that's what it was he was probably am your captain you are I love you that's what it was he was probably a kidnap victim and I didn't even look

and then the other day I heard one two ladies speaking Italian Italian Italian Italian Italian

Italian Jenga champion Italian Italian Italian those are the two words that I heard Jenga champion

Jenga but you know what I mean there's no Italian words for those there's no Italian apparently and I was just like oh now I'm intrigued what's going on here because you know what I mean? There's no Italian words for that. There's no Italian. Apparently. And I was just like, oh, now I'm intrigued.

What's going on here? Because, you know, they speak so quickly. Yes, they do. And those weirdos speak so quickly. Do you only interact with Italian people? Again, car accidents. Apparently. That's how I do it.

That's how I roll. Jenga champion. But yeah, it was pretty, you know. I didn't know that you could be a Jenga champion. Who did? Who knew of these things these Italian women knew? Yeah. How many times in your life have you played Jenga?

Never in my life. Not once. I played it once this summer, and it was in one of those bars that has puzzles. With the tall Jengas? No, just the regular. I hated it. I hated it. Did you?

Yeah, because. Do you like board games, though? No. Well, they're fine if you're, you know, we're at a cabin, it's raining outside, let's play board games. Everyone else is dead. Yeah, exactly. We have no television.

The world has ended. You know. But at a bar, I can just have fun at a bar. I don't need puzzles and games at a bar. And somebody broke it out, and I was like, oh, I want to leave. We'll leave. Was it the problem that you took a block from the bottom and you put it on top? I took a block from the middle and I put it on top? I took a block from the middle and I put it on top.

Something, something, something, and you just can't stop. Oh, my gosh. Until the bartender said you've had enough. Jenga. I played it probably, I don't know, four times. Love it. Yeah? Yeah, I got very steady hands, you know?

Do you really say I'm not? I'm a shaker. Oh, yeah. What about Operation? Never played Operation. Oh, that's fun. I don't know why. That was just one of the games that just never happened in my life. Shaky a shaker. Oh, yeah. What about Operation? Never played Operation. Oh, that's fun. I don't know why. That was just one of the games that just never happened in my life.

Shaky hands. Yeah. Wow. When you hit the side and then it makes the noise. I remember Trivial Pursuit very clearly. Yeah. I remember the Christmas that we got Trivial Pursuit, like me and my sisters. Yeah.

And I remember like Christmas play. And I also, with Trivial Pursuit, excuse me, also I associate the song Separate Ways by Journey. Because we listened to Separate Ways and we played Trivial Pursuit and it was fabulous. Those were the two Christmas presents you got that year. And that was it. It was like, someday love will find you for the pie. But yeah, but those are my old board. Although I do have pals now that are big into board games.

And I do like them. But a lot of them are, because I'm a nerd, but I'm an emotional nerd is what I would say. Tell us what that means. I'm a nerd. Like, you know what I mean? I'm old fashioned. Like you're into emotion. Yes, yes, yes.

Love to cry. That's my favorite. So I'm a big nerd that way. But some of their board games are a little too nerdy for me. Right. Do you know what I mean? You're Settlers of Catan. Yes!

I don't want to play that! Oh, I don't want to play that. I mean, there are some games that I'm like, yeah, I'm good. But then there are other ones where like, okay, so we're a bunch of wizards that we've got to play. No, thank you. I have no desire. No, I need a thing where it's a quick, you know, a Monopoly or a Scrabble. Yes, yes.

An in and out. Yeah. I love Scrabble a monopoly or a scrabble. Yes, yes. An in and out. Yeah. A beginning point and an end point. I do love Scrabble. But Scrabble, I feel like it helps my brain, too, so that makes me happy as well. Yeah. Settlers of Catan helps your imagination. Yeah.

Helps me settle in Catan if I ever need to. Whatever. Is it just, like, people from Catan who could have done better? Yeah, yeah. Who made some bad decisions? Settling for Catan. Yeah. I like it. Nice work. Dave, do you have done better? Yeah, yeah. Who made some bad decisions? I like it. Nice work.

Dave, do you have one over? Mine is, yeah, I do. Mine is from a grocery store. It was like 6 o'clock dinner hour at the grocery store. Everyone's trying to get out of there. And this was maybe a couple weeks weeks ago and it was early October. They already had all the Halloween stuff up. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Decorations, whatever. And there was this dad, uh, with his daughter and she was maybe four. And, uh, I just heard the dad say, no, we don't need a skeleton. We've got plenty of skeletons at home. We've got them in the closet.

He's just trying to shut his kid up. That's very funny, though. You've got plenty of skeletons. Why do you have so many skeletons? We have skeletons in the car. I know, but I need a skeleton to go from here to the car. Did he say, you're wearing your own skeleton? That's what I would have said.

I'll show you a skeleton that I would get a knife. You're wearing your own skeleton like you're a lobster? Exoskeleton. Did you have it overheard? I do.

Oh, I wanted a lobster so bad. Yeah? I would eat lobster. I would cram it. Halloween lobster? Oh, boy. It's a new tradition I've started. Yeah, eat lobster. I would cram it. Halloween lobster? Oh, boy. It's a new tradition I've started.

Yeah, eat lobster until you pass out on Halloween. I'm into it. Yep. Are you doing anything? Are you dressing up in a costume Halloween? Do you do it? Halloween's big, though, in California. Oh.

Because I live in West Hollywood, so it's a huge party. So that's, you know, even just wandering around on the street is kind of fun. Are you going to do it? Are you going to dress up? I won't dress up because I'll probably be by myself. But I will cruise around and check it out. Because it's like, as all my gay friends, all my gay boy friends tell me, that it's gay Christmas. It's Halloween.

It's gay Christmas. Do they give each other presents? Yeah, maybe. Wow. They wear a sheet over their head and dress as a ghost, cut a hole in it. Those are only the Hasidic Jews. Very devout gays. There's a fine line.

On Halloween, there's a fine line between a glory hole and a Hasidic Jew. Oh, very fine. Is it Hasidic or Orthodox? I think it's Orthodox, actually. Or you know what it is. I don't think it's probably anything. Oh, very fine. Is it Hasidic or Orthodox? Oh, no, I think it's Orthodox, actually. Or you know what it is. I don't think it's probably anything. No, it isn't. I think I'm probably just talking.

Yeah, I think it's just like an urban legend. Oh, yeah, but I like to perpetuate it. I really do. It's because some guy had a hole in his sheet and he's like, oh, yeah, that's what you do.

That's right. The Jews do that. Oh, okay. Yeah. My overheard was a young girl talking to her friend, and she had a... Like 12 or like 17? Maybe let's say 16. Okay.

16, and she's talking to her friend, and she's explaining that her friend at school thinks that she's an alien. And she says, he keeps thinking that I'm an alien because I get so many paper cuts. That's amazing. Yeah. What does that mean? But why would that give you alien properties? I don't know.

Like if you're an alien you can't figure out how to use paper cuts you every time. I don't know. I kind of like that. I like how teenagers don't know how to flirt I kind of like that. I like how teenagers don't know how to flirt yet. It's like,

oh, what are you, an alien? I guess so. He likes you or something, I guess. I notice you've got a lot of paper cuts. Yeah, I could not,

but notice that you're always bleeding. Yeah, you really wince when you handle those lemons. Oh. I cut myself the other day changing a light bulb. Oh.

Did the light bulb, it shattered? No, no, no. It was just like, we have these light, like these ones here, you have to pull them out of the thing. And then there was just one of the bits of metal inside was sharp. And just cooking yesterday, I was like, I have to, I was, you know? You don't think of like tomatoes as being acidic, but they'll get you or hustling. Yeah. I had to cut a hole in the tomato.

Amazing. Do you have another one? Yeah. I have ones that have been sent in by listeners from all over the place. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Elizabeth C. in Mountain View, California. Hey, hey. I teach a fifth grade, and this gem happened.

I teach a fifth grade. Yeah, I teach a fifth grade. Jenga champion. And this gem happened when we were talking about World War I. Kid, so who was Hitler? Me. He was the leader of Germany in World War II. Kid, and what did he do?

Me. He got a lot of people killed. The kid then contemplates this for a moment and then looks at me with such earnest and says, okay. Then who is Simon Cowell then? Amazing. Ernest and says okay then who is Simon Cowell Okay. So I've got that one down. I like that. Yeah, exactly. This next one comes from Claire L. in Dublin. One night recently, I was traveling on a Dublin city bus when I overheard a conversation between two drunk girls.

Sounds like a good show. In their early 20s who looked like art college types. They said a lot of funny things, but this was the highlight. Girl one, let's go to karaoke tonight. Girl two, we've been saying that for two years. Girl one, yes, but it's the time. I believe everything happens for a reason, and everything has been leading up to this. Ba-ba-bam! Right? Yeah. Oh, did they go? I hope they went. I hope they went. So-ba-bam! Right?

Yeah. Oh, did they go? I hope they went. I hope they went. So do I. What would they sing? You Too. Yeah, sure.

Senator Conner. Senator Conner. Senator Once. Troy. A lot of Troy. Do you remember that one? No, what was Troy? Sinead's Troy.

Oh, it was a good one. No, I don't know. A good one to listen to once you've just been dumped by your boyfriend. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Oh, mom.

My boyfriend would never do that to me. Right? You don't know him like I do. He's so nice when we're alone. Yeah. Shush. Stop it. Stop it.

And this last one comes from Carolyn K. in Revelstoke, BC. Ah. This is on an airplane, and a stewardess is talking to a little boy holding an alligator-shaped neck pillow, and the stewardess says, who's your friend? And the little boy goes, lady, this is a pillow. That's my favorite one.

Yeah. Do you think I could be allowed on this plane with an actual alligator? But the lady is, lady. Like he's just been dealing with this all day. Yeah, exactly.

The 10th time he's been asked. It's not an alligator. Child, this is a pillow. Do you, when you, when you, like,

when were you given a luxury, like a neck pillow? I know, right? Flying is a nightmare. Did you ever fly as a kid? I never flew as a kid. We have a big family.

We didn't fly. I guess we drove. I took acid once and I jumped out a window. I mean, I thought I was flying, but I broke both my ankles. And you were in the psych ward for a while. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. I flew a few times

like I'm the youngest of four children so when my family traveled it was like it was time they had put off traveling long enough oh yeah

yeah we drove everywhere like it was station wagons yeah we had a lot of station wagon trips how many people in your family two brothers

two brothers oh just boys in the house just boys boy yeah yikes I know my poor mom no I would go for boys if I had the choice How many people are in your family? Two brothers. Two brothers? Oh, just boys in the house? Just boys. Boy. Yeah. Yikes. I know, my poor mom. No, I would go for boys if I had the choice.

If I was going to rear a child, I'd want boys. They're rough and tumble. Yeah, they're rough and tumble. Girls frighten me. Because, and this is, I know that you've just had a baby girl. But girls, I think it's- And you can't make eye contact with me. I can't, I can't look at you now.

But it's the, you know, I think moms and daughters have a little more trouble than sons and daughters. Yeah. Excuse me, sons and moms. Because, you know, it always has a tendency to be like the son is always like, you know, the apple of the mom's eye kind of thing. And I find that daughters and daddies get along a little better, you know. I just, I don't know what it is. Like, I mean, maybe it's just the ways I was raised. i think you're right i think that's really common but it's also with um uh i feel like the sons are also closest to the dad yes i think i think i don't know what it is

but eventually the girls become close oh exactly i was gonna say i think when girls like turn like 20 that's when they become friends with their mom right but you know i've already you know first thing like my my, who was the first one to have a child in our family, and it was a daughter. So I remember, like, the first thing saying to her, I cannot wait until she's 13 and screams how much she hates you. Like, that is, you know what I mean? Because that, I think, will eventually happen.

And it did. It did. You know, teenagers. But I think that's a little kind of. Yeah. Yeah. It's a girl. It's a girl thing.

A girl and a mom thing. Yeah. Just girly things. Just girly things. I remember the big thing going on an airplane with my brothers is we were like

we were obsessed with the airplane bathroom just like just the sound it made and just having your own little place you liked it the first time

I ever flew I was like I think it was 24 the first time I ever flew yeah that must have been terrifying

it was weird because it was like the first and then it was weird because I, 24 and then I started comedy at 27. And so it was like I had one flight under my belt and then it was just like and now I fly twice a month. Do you know what I mean? From nothing to everything. As a kid, I

was big, like, I guess we traveled a lot and I barfed every time. Did you really? You know how you've never seen someone use the air sickness bag? Oh, yeah, yeah. I've used it. But do you get, are you a motion sickness person? Yeah, not anymore.

But as a kid, I was. Me too, so was I. Yeah. Totally, totally. Like, I always. Like in the car? Oh, it was, my mother, like gravel was like my best friend. Yeah, yeah.

My mother, because it just. Gravel or gravel? Gravel. Gravel. Yeah. A little bit crunchy. Yeah. You just chew on that for a while. Yeah, help you digest. like my best friend my mother because it just gravel gravel gravel yeah a little bit crunchy you just chew on that for a while

eventually you'll pass out full of bloody but seriously like there was we'd go on vacations and drive and drive and drive and there were definitely

times that I remember waking up in the back seat of our station wagon and my family being in Howard Johnson's having dinner and you were still in the car? And I had a blanket thrown over me because I was passed out in the car.

I was not the most popular in my family. I was not the favorite. Just put a blanket on you like you were a parakeet. She'll think it's natural. And it worked every time. I was always a car sick little. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have.

Yeah, oh, fun. Hi, Graham Clark and possible wonderful guests. Thank you. I'm talking with the overheard that's actually from when I was about nine years old in daycare. Thank you. and she said, do you even know what a crackhead is? And he walked up to her, trying to whisper, but was very loud and said, it's someone who has a head with a crack in it. Oh.

That's cute. That's cute. Yeah. Kind of like an egghead that has a crack in it. A blockhead. Yeah. But like whispering it, so he's like, don't tell everybody. Yeah. Kind of like an egg head that has a crack in it. A block head. Yeah. But like whispering it so that don't tell everybody. Yeah.

Because they think one of the kids in the room is an actual crack head. I remember I once said, I was about the same age and we had to wait for something. And I said, patience is a virgin. And then my teacher was like, you know, patience is a virtue. And I said, that's what I said virtue is also a virtue so so

whatever you want to add yeah you know what I'm patient and a virgin so check it out here's your next phone call crackheads hi this is Jonathan from Ithaca New York with an over scene.

I was driving behind a pickup truck with a sign behind it and all it said was heads excavation. Our goal

is your hole. I like it. That's good. If you're going to do an excavating company, you got to do some kind of

hole joke. Our goal is your hole. Or your hole is our goal got to do some kind of hole joke. Our goal is your hole. Or your hole is our goal. You should write that in. I don't want them. I'm not going to give that away for free. It's also the $1,000

for that. It's also a good slogan for like if you do if you make Orthodox Jewish sheets. Oh yeah. That took a while to get there. Yeah, but you know, it was worth it. How do I word this?

All right, here's your final overheard of 2014. Oh, my goodness. Hey, guys. This is Andrew from New York, and I've got a pretty old overheard, but I never forgot this one. But it takes place in Philly and at the time I was visiting one of the

museums there had an exhibit for Cleopatra and they were advertising for it all over town it was on bus stops and bus ads and just pretty much everywhere and I was walking down the street and there was a couple in front of me bus stops and bus ads and just pretty much everywhere.

And I was walking down the street and there was a couple in front of me. And I saw the woman look at one of these posters and turn to her boyfriend and say, did Cleopatra grow up in Philly? And her boyfriend turned to her and said, don't ever say that to anyone ever again. You get one free. Do not embarrass me in front of my friends. Oh, no.

No, she moved here. Would you think she was thinking about Cleopatra Jones? She might have grown up in Philly. Or the singing group Cleopatra coming at you. All Philly. Oh, that's sad and cute. Yeah. Isn't like Philadelphia seems like an old timey name that they maybe adopted.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Like they may be adopted. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Like something Delphi. Yeah. There might have been some kind of oracle here and there. Just a smatter.

Look, I'm just trying to... We're trying to help this girl out, is what we're saying. Come on. Cleopatra could have come from here. It's weird, too. Wasn't she like the she was like uh the like famous beauty right yeah cleopatra wasn't she was like everybody fell in love with her and stuff and then you all the kind of drawings of her i mean they don't look that great no but you know have they ever done like a reconstruction to see what she looks like well they haven't like Based on witness testimony?

Diaries and such? They don't have her bones. I guess they don't have her bones. Why don't they have her bones? Because wouldn't they be preserved? I don't have her bones. In a tomb? I don't know what it became of her.

Any movie about her was six hours long, so I didn't... I'm not joking. Me too. I know very little about her because it's exactly it. It's like a so I didn't... I'm not joking. Me too. I know very little about her, because it's exactly it. And it's like a 14-part series. I'm like, oh, no. I give you one part.

Egypt's most exhausting queen. Well, that brings us to the end of this year's show. Fabulous. Debra, do you have anything you want to plug? Well, let me see Not in the next Couple of months

I'm going to I'm going to tour again Next year So I'll just Just because I want to You know So I'll be touring Canada You're going to tour where

In Canada Yeah As much as possible I get to go to Bermuda In January What I know If anyone's in Bermuda

In January The first week of January Just for laughs Is doing a week there So Are you kidding me That's going to be super fun. So they're just doing that to have a holiday. Now you're just going

to holiday locations. I am on to them, and I like it. Do you know? I mean, that is it. I'm like, that is, you guys are doing good work here, because that's, last year I got to go to Australia with them. Did I tell you that? I went to Sydney with them. No. Yeah, with Just for Laughs. Yeah, so it's like, thank you very much. So now I'm going to go to Bermuda in January. That does seem like it.

Yeah, pretty good. And not a cruise? No. Although I've done a cruise before, and that is no fun. I do not like that. You did comedy on a cruise? Yes, I'm not a boat person or not a cruise person. I just, you know.

You spend your whole set with a blanket over your head? Sleeping in the backseat of a pedestal. The backseat of a cruise boat swing but yeah the backseat of a yeah I did that with Jesper last too I did that with Jesper

the bare naked ladies cruise they did music cruises yeah and me and Sean Cullen and Harlan Williams went and did a bare naked ladies cruise

what a crew I know right it was weird but good well this is lovely thank you for having me again thank you for coming I appreciate it

Dave anything to plug? I doubt it. Thanks. Max Fun Week happened a couple weeks ago by this point. Like a week and a half ago. Thanks everybody for participating. Great work, everybody.

How's everything coming with you? Oh, good. You can vote now this in the Wilderness Man for the top 50. Oh, that. The voting started on October 23rd. And so it's open to the public. Good.

So get on there. Get on it because it's fun. Yeah, it's fun, right? And to find that, people go to... Comedycoop.ca slash Wilderness Man. Or at Wilderness Man with three A's. On Twitter. Yeah. And if you like the show, go over to MaximumFun. Or. At Wildernessman with three A's. On Twitter. Yeah.

And if you like the show, go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap that Dave does each and every week. Videos and pictures. Pictures of things we talked about on the show. That Journey song I'm sure we'll have on there. Yes. Bubbles. Oh, yes.

This is amazing. Fun. I wouldn't be able to play some if you gave me a lineup of chimpanzees. You'd know. You'd have the biggest sack of money. If you like the show, please do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.