Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 346 - Christina Walkinshaw

Episode Date: November 4, 2014

Comedian Christina Walkinshaw joins us to talk Tinder, the X-Files, and TED Talks.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 346 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's easy. Easy like Sunday morning, Mr. Dave Shumka. Hi.

Hi. What does that mean? I guess, I mean, because of, because of, you know, Sunday morning, it's a song about going to church. Yeah. Learning about all the brimstone, the fire. Yeah, it's really easy. Yeah.

Sunday morning's easy because you don't have to get in a, you know, fight with your boss. When you work a Monday to Friday job, you got to 9 o'clock, get to work, 9.15 meeting, 9.45 fight with boss. Yeah. I work in a pit. And our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast, comedian, blogger, raconteur, Miss Christina Walkinshaw is our guest. Hi guys, thanks for having me. Hi there.

I know, first time guest, long time listener. Well, thanks for being on the podcast. It's really exciting to be here. You know, usually, you know, sometimes when, and this is, God, I hate, sometimes I hate being too honest because I'm like, oh, what if people are offended by this? But I don't mean to offend this, anybody. But let me just get what I was going to say. Yeah, yeah. We'll be the judges.

There's going to be a lot of this, you guys. Yeah, we're going to preface everything with, everyone is capable of being offended by everything. I know. That's how I like to preface everything I say. Okay, I don't mean to offend you. Sometimes people ask you to do a podcast, and you're like, oh, my God. It's like helping somebody move.

You're like, I really don't want to do a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this podcast, I asked you to do. Yeah. I was like, I want to do this one. It'll be fun. We're only going to get you to move a few things. Yeah.

I hope you brought your weight belt. Was that what that's called? The thing that, like, the back brace keeps your back straight. Oh, man, but I already showered today, and I don't move anything without beer, so. Oh, yeah. No, that's a good policy. You know. Should we get to know us?

Please. Get to know us. Now, you're originally from out this way. I am. And now you make your home in Toronto. I do. And how long have you been in Toronto? I've been in Toronto for, I'm doing math in my head, seven years.

Okay. All right. And you love it out there? No offense to Vancouver, because Vancouver's prettier. You're damn right it is. It really is prettier. It's better looking. And Toronto's got a nice personality. You're damn right it is. It really is prettier. It's better looking. And Toronto,

but Toronto's got a nice personality. You're right. Toronto does have a very nice personality. Yeah, it's a fun, and plus my parents live here

and they're stalkers. Oh, so you're getting like a nice bit of distance. Yeah, you only want to see your family like two or three times a year. How would they stalk you

when you lived here? What was that? Oh, they find ways. I don't want to offend any parents out there who are my parents. They would follow you on dates, make sure that so-and-so is good enough for you. They were always hanging out at the Costco nearest my location. Wait. She'll come by eventually.

Everybody comes by Costco eventually. Exactly. And so now you live in Toronto. You last year, I think it was last year or this year, you had like a series of dates that you went on on Tinder. I did. And that blew up. That was like it hit the blogosphere. Woman dates people.

I know. Woman goes on dates. What was the concept again? I went on 50 first dates, and I used Tinder. And I didn't even really know what I was doing, you guys, when I started. Literally, when I joined Tinder, I was like, oh, I'd never online dated before. And also, because I'm an idiot, I didn't know it was a hookup app. I just thought it was so fun to swipe people's faces.

I've heard that. It's really fun. It's really addictive. Yeah, it is really. So then I had like five dates in and I'm like, why am I not writing about this? So then I think I'm just going to write about this for a week. That's why my blog was called My Week on Tinder. But then after the week, everybody's like, keep going.

So then I'm like, okay. Go all the way. So then I'm like, I'll just go on 50 first dates because it has a ring to it, like the movie. And then I just did it and then yeah I just built momentum and kept on going and going and yeah I had like 30,000 readers by the end I read quite a few

of the blogs they were great they were really entertaining kind of just accounts of but there were no like there were no outward creeps or anything like that were there? No I feel like I pretty much lucked out. Like there was a few weirdos. I think number 11 was like one of the weirdest ones.

What was weird about him? I can't remember. Well, I mean, I was definitely dealing with probably that kind of guy in Toronto that's like heavy into drugs. Do you know what I mean? Like a drug addict? A little too twitchy. That kind of Toronto drug guy?

Yeah, I know the type. Oh, you know those ones that like never guy? Yeah, I know the type. You know those ones that never needs to eat? You know, those people? Like you would go to dinner and he wouldn't eat? Like a ghost? Was it a ghost? No.

Who doesn't eat? Why doesn't this guy want to share nachos with me? It looks like he's chewing. I'm like... But I guess you sort of can avoid creeps by swiping the other way I think I just yeah

I think I'm good at monitoring You've got face dar the people creep dar creep dar yeah of just kind of

feeling people out before I meet them and the whole blog kind of once I really got into it and I realized like what my purpose was it's just a proof

that it is fun to be single because a lot of people go through breakups later in life and they feel like scared to be single again but it's like being single is really fun Yeah You shouldn't worry about it It's great It's just a proof that it is fun to be single. Because a lot of people go through breakups later in life and they feel scared to be single again. But being single is really fun. Yeah.

You shouldn't worry about it. It's great. It's a good time. It's okay, Nana. Yeah. Going through that breakup later in life. Is that? There's very.

Well, maybe. I didn't set the settings when I. Because I was on Tinder for a while. I didn't put. Like, you know, 75-year-olds. Maybe there are 75-year-olds out there. Oh, yeah. Oh, is that a setting you can do?

Ages? Yeah, yeah. Because if you just go with the preset, it's like 18 to 99. And so, you know, there were a lot of 99-year-olds. Yeah. I remember, like, in the days of MySpace, that was a big thing to, like, you know, have a fake. Because everything on your front page, like, oh, I'm a fake religion and I'm a fake. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm from a fake country. Oh, yeah. There are like a lot of guys on Tinder who I think are probably still in high school and their age is always like 100. It's not really weird. Oh, it's creepy. You're like, oh, look at the little kinder brides.

Are there guys that are like in high school that are pretending to be like 22? Probably. Anything. I have my settings at like 25 to 50. Even 25 feels a little young for me, though. I'm 35. I know. I look great.

I know. Yeah, you do. You look fantastic. Everyone's talking about it. It's cute. Well, it's because I am. Did you date everyone in that range? Did you date

a 25-year-old and a 50-year-old? I definitely had some guys in my 20s. I think the oldest guy I ever got was maybe 47. That's pretty good.

That's a pretty good range. Oh, yeah. It was fun. I think that was the guy in Halifax. I think there was a couple guys in their 40s.

Definitely one was in Halifax. You know, a little divorced and getting back out there. So did there was a couple guys in their 40s. Definitely one was in Halifax. You know? Yeah. A little divorced and like getting back out there. So did they travel? Fun. Oh, I traveled.

Oh, you traveled. Because of comedy, right? Oh, so does Tinder move when you move? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, just like that. It GPSs you. So it's like I have my settings on two miles away.

Okay. Especially with Tinder. You don't want to like wait for somebody to take a GO train in to come find you. I don't know. Tinder is supposed to be immediate. Like, swipe. What are you doing right now? Let's go.

Let's go. Yeah, because, yeah, it could give you this, like, 14-mile. I don't know anything about, I'm married, so I only use Grindr. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it gives you their approximate distance away from you. Yeah. And then kind of whatever stuff they've written on their profile. And then there seems to be a lot of pictures of people with tigers, like baby tigers or... Is it just people with Michael Jackson album covers? Nobody knows where anybody's getting these tigers.

Also, you get a lot of guys that are holding up a big fish. They've just caught a giant fish. Good for them. Look at this giant fish. I don't know what message they're trying to send. I can hunt and gather for you. I think anyone who does anything outdoors puts

that on their Facebook profile. Hey, check out this hike I went on. Look at this. Look at this marmot I bagged. Check it out. I love to grill. Yeah. Oh, there's tons of pictures of dudes grilling.

Yeah, dudes grilling. You get a lot of, like, guys that are collecting cars or something. They just have pictures of cars instead of their face. I don't know. Collecting, like, collecting cars? It's like a collection of cars. Like, every picture is a different car. Yeah, well, I don't know. Collecting like, collecting cars? It's like a collection of cars. It's like every picture is a different car.

Yeah, well, I don't think they necessarily own them all. Oh, you should have gone out on a date with one of those car guys because it could have

actually been a talking car. Or it could have been Jay Leno. Right, he collects cars. Yeah, he likes the car shows. I almost, I accidentally,

this is when I, before I started blogging, I remember I accidentally swiped right on this guy and yeah, his profile was his bank statement, and it was a fancy car. Oh, wow. So he's like, this is, this, this will bring in the ladies. Oh, yeah.

This will bring in the ladies. I heard that was a good way, a good, like, cheap tool for meeting people is, like, go to the bank machine and look through the receipts people have thrown out and find the one with the biggest bank statement. And then when you meet a girl that night and you give her your number, give it to her on that. Dude, that is a smooth move. Why does this have a footprint on it? I don't know.

Sorry, I dance on money. This is what I think of my bank statement. I wonder if that's ever worked. Of course it has. Or it could work on a guy. Not to be sexist. No, yeah. You know, yeah, sure.

I'm a money grubber. Yes. I would, yeah. And none of the dates were like a disaster or were there? There were some disasters. Maybe because you wrote about them in such a like positive light. I don't think of them as disasters. That's the thing.

Like I always want to, even if it doesn't work out or something bad happens, I'm always trying to find like something positive with every date. You know, like I don't want it to sound like dating so hard. You know, like that story has already been told. But I'm like. By who? Carrie Brad. You know, like that story's already been told. But I'm like, you know. By who? Carrie Bradshaw. No, that's true. Of course, it's one of my heroes.

Minus the shoes. I could never walk in heels. And I dress horribly. Oh, it's not true. She dressed pretty horribly. I already told you guys. I got these pants at Ardine. And we don't remember.

And then we don't know if it's called Ardine or Ardine. Yeah, I know. Is that a Canadian chain, Ardine? Yeah. Yeah, sounds like it. Jan Ardine. Jan Ardine. Insensitive.

It's like 15 pairs of earrings for $5. Oh, cool. But sign this release first in case you get lead poisoning. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. You know what you're agreeing to. Right. Yeah, that's right.

You know what you're agreeing to. Right. Yeah, and now you were on tour out here. You were up in the sticks, up in Prince George. Do you still use Tinder? Yeah, I do sometimes. It was funny, especially if I'm in a small town. That's my favorite place to play with Tinder.

Oh, my goodness. So scary. I know. Because you guys have driven up there before, right? There was like one place that we pulled over to get like candy and coffee. And like the vibe of the town was very much, I will cut you. Yeah. It was like, I will cut you vibes. Like just like evil stares from like everybody.

So I was a little scared to open tinder because i'm like what if i get these but i had to but i had to initially it's just like it circles around i think me and kathleen were done looking through the tinder selections in quenelle after three swipes they were all at that candy store i know we own a candy It's like, there doesn't seem to be anyone around you. That's what Tinder says, so they can't find anybody for you. That is so, like, living in a small town, it must be, because the same people don't come up more than once on Tinder, do they? No, once you swipe left, you can't find them again. Yeah, they're supposed to not pop up again, but I found some repeat.

Yeah, I think I've seen that fish before that you're holding. It's actually just 10 different guys holding up the same fish. Well, I have a secret move. I don't know if other people that use Tinder do this. But sometimes, because I am very, I take my time making my swipes. I like to read their bios. Oh, that was my creepy phone flash. I like to read their bios and look at all their pictures,

look at what's going on in the background, like where they like to hang out. I mean, I make informative swipes. So sometimes... Informative or informed?

Informed swipes. Yeah. I feel like they are kind of. Yeah, they're both. Yeah. Informed and

informed. They're being informative. Mildly informed. I mostly swipe Snow, Informer. Yeah. Informed and informed. Just informed. They're being informative. Mildly informed. I mostly swipe Snow, informer. Right. Informer. Oh, my goodness.

So if I can't decide on which way to swipe on a person, what I like to do is close the app and then reopen it. So a new person will come up, but that person will still come up again in the future because they didn't actually swipe that. Oh, there you go. That's some real insider Tinder tip. It's like when the president doesn't sign something into law at the end of the session. Exactly. I know the secret moves of

Tinder, you guys. Because you're worried that you're like, ah, in the moment I swiped. No, but I should have swiped. Yes. This is how tender I am. I can't even swipe left without feeling bad. I'm like,

what if he was really nice? You know, because you really can't judge people on looks and that's what Tinder makes you do. It's true. I'm like,

aw, like I've slept with a lot of people that maybe in other people's books aren't babes, but I think they're babes or they are awesome people. Sure. Do you know what I mean?

I don't know if I believe in this whole looks thing and i'm not even the cutest girl out there no come on you are top 10 yeah top 10 cutest girls out there i'm like you know i'm not like one of those like super you know like the the real hot like i'm like 1995 hot you know like yeah yeah oh yeah you know what i mean like i'm skinny for the mid-90s, but I'm not skinny for 2014. Oh, sure, yeah. Who was, I try, my mind is really trying to think of who. I'm like, Lisa Kudrow? I'm trying to think of a 1995 hottie.

Like, as an example, boys, when I was growing up, I would read Sweet Valley High and Sweet Valley Twins, right? You guys remember those books? Sure, I remember of them. I understand that you didn't read them. You're probably busy reading the Hardy Boys or Choose Your Own Adventure. I don't know what Guy said. Okay.

Cartoons. The Penthouse Forum. Right. The Hardy Boys Penthouse Forum. It was a very stormy night. I never thought it would happen to me. So in Sweet Valley High, I like the beginning of every book always describes the twins jessica and elizabeth right let's go oh you know they're you know perfect five foot eight

with long blonde hair and golden southern california tans perfect size seven size seven boys size seven wow seven back in the 80s when we're reading these sweet valley twins that was a perfect figure size seven now you're supposed to be size zero. That doesn't make any sense. What is a size zero? It's, I don't know. It's not a human, that's not a human thing. Like, when they first came up with sizes,

which, by the way, this is something men have no idea what they are. No, yeah. Because, like, what would, like... When you go to the stores that are, like, plus size, where does that start? I believe plus size starts at 12. Okay. Okay.

So like, but you know, I don't, I've been wearing so many yoga pants these days. I don't know what size I am anymore. You're wearing eight pairs today. Exactly. I like to keep myself happy by not looking at those sizes. When they first came out with these sizes, was there always a zero or did they add zero later? I feel like zero is something that's come in the last 15 years or so since people started

to like the anorexia look really became in style. Right. I guess. I've never dealt with anorexia before because when I was a kid, my parents maybe watched, not maybe, but I just watched it, but I watched the Karen Carpenter story. Right. And I was so young that I didn't understand the concept of anorexia. I was purposely starving yourself.

So how I understood the movie was, oh, if you don't eat, you die. And so I just started making hot dogs. I mean, it makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. That sort of is anorexia. I was like, I better start eating hot dogs right away because I don't want to die. And I remember I had like three hot dogs that night. I like that you're taking away.

She did a great drum solo. Was specifically, I got to eat something. I better eat hot dogs. Or was there a scene in the movie about hot dogs and you were like, yeah, hot dogs. No, I remember one scene where she was trying to eat pizza and she couldn't eat the pizza. But at the time I had hot dogs. How couldn't she? Was it like, didn't fit in her mouth?

Those New York slices, you got to fold them. That's true. You have to fold them. It was tricky. She was in a hotel room in the scene. But yeah, I was probably like eight or nine years old. I just didn't understand what anorexia was. It was girls purposely starving themselves to be skinny.

All I saw the movie as, oh my God, if you don't eat, you die. And I love life. I just didn't understand what anorexia was. What girls purposely starving themselves to be skinny. All I saw the movie as, oh my God, if you don't eat, you die. And I love life. I don't want to die. Bring on the cheesies. Yeah.

And yeah, welcome my three hot dog platter. That's why I've eaten three hot dogs a day ever since. Because I love life. Yeah. Now I want a hot dog.

Oh man. And so what else is going on? Well, this is a good question. Yeah, just a general, you know, you're loving life. You're having a great time. I am the kind of girl that I do. I love life. Yeah.

I'm a life lover. I like to go out. I often do things for. I like to go out. I like to go on hot dogs. I often do things for myself, like travel, for fun, not even just for comedy. I like to do like, you know, I'm going to go to Maui again next month. Really? Oh, yeah. What do you do in Maui? I've never been.

I've never been to any of these kind of places that are like paradise on earth type of places. You lie down? You just lie down. Yeah, exactly. I think that's what you're supposed to do. You just go to the places. You lie down? Just lie down. Yeah, exactly. I think that's what you're supposed to do. You just go to the beach. You read a book. Maybe you bring a can of some disgusting sort of alcohol that you would never drink in your real life,

like a Bud Light Lime Strawberry or something like that. Oh, yeah. No, that's my drink of choice. I'll leave the bar if they don't have it. Again, I didn't mean to offend you. Graham's got a giant back tattoo of Bud Light Lime Stravurita. Stravurita.

It's got a little parrot on it. I know the tattoo artist was like, how do you spell that? Like, I have no idea. It's not a real word. Do your best.

Yes, no offense if you're a Stravurita drinker. Yeah, all I'm doing right now is I'm doing stand-up and then I am working on

turning the 51st Dates into a book. That's awesome. And I also optioned that off to become a TV show, so we'll keep our fingers crossed about that. What size would the girl that would play you in the TV show be? I would want... Like a 7?

I feel like she can't be that super skinny kind of girl. I love Lena Dunham, obviously, I would want... What size? Yeah. What size? Like a seven? Or should it be like a sweet valley size? I feel like she can't be that super skinny kind of girl. No. More like, I love Lena Dunham, obviously, but I want like normal girl size. Yeah. It can't be like, and I get it, the camera adds 10 pounds, but let it. Who cares? Yeah, you have to factor in that 10 pounds when you're figuring out the size. Oh, yeah.

Somebody who definitely has like flabby arms like this. Sorry, people listening to this can't see that. Just put them up to the microphone. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. flabby arms like this. People listening to this can't see that. Just put them up to the microphone. It has to be a real girl. When would they come up with a camera that stops adding 10 pounds?

That's so true. All this technology and you can't figure that out? Yeah. Oh my God. That's a good way of getting rid of eating disorders

by fixing the camera. Here's my problem with cameras is when I have my iPhone out and I have the camera facing me and I take a picture of myself, you know, send it to, you know, like... America's funniest of videos. Yeah, send it to some blogs that want hot guys. Then I turn it off. into some blogs that want hot guys then i turn it off and then the next time i the the most horrific thing that can happen is when you uh turn your your phone back on turn your camera back on and it's already facing you you weren't expecting that oh yeah and you catch it at like you're holding it at the wrong angle and it's like you've got more chins than something racist.

My friend, and I could talk about this because I feel like she was like, don't show anybody, but I'll show you guys. I feel like I can talk about this because she explicitly told me not to. Guys, that's what friendship is. When I say, you know, don't tell anyone, you know, it means like, oh, still tell everyone. Just tell them not to tell anybody that you told them right but also say it into a microphone into the microphone

but no names that's how I always do my blogs too it's always no names no faces right so it's like oh yeah

so you never have to really worry even though some people would be like no you can tell it's me I'm like you can tell it's you but nobody else even knows who you are

right so my friend sends me this you know we're big on Snapchat and of course with Snapchat, the only way of kind of outplaying that game

is to take the screenshot. Yeah. Right? But my friend was FaceTiming with this guy. Have you Snapchatted? I've done it. I had it on my phone

for a while. I don't have it on it now. I've never had it. I assumed it was for 14-year-olds. Yeah. Oh, speaking of 14-year-olds, Graham has One Direction

as a phone case. A One Direction phone case. I just assumed I wouldn't know anyone on there. No one I knew talked about it. Well, I did it because all the members of the Sunday service all had it. We're using it to basically send each other pictures of their junk. What's Sunday service? Because I'm thinking church.

Oh, no. It's an improv. It's a group that I'm a part of. Oh, okay. The people at church are sending dick pics? Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking church. Oh, no, it's an improv. Oh, okay. The people at church are sending dick pics? Yeah, yeah. I'm impressed. They're easy like Sunday morning.

Yeah, there's nothing in the Bible that says you can't send a dick pic. Yeah, they didn't account for that in the old time. These tablets add 10 pounds. So she's taking a screenshot of basically her guy who lives in another city. But she's caught her face in there. Look at there. So, right? Is that his wiener? shot of basically her guy who lives in another city. She's caught her face in there. Look at there. Right? Is that his wiener? Yeah. So basically he's lying on the couch

and he's naked showing his giant donger. But then you could see Laura's face up in the corner just looking at it in shame. What's her reaction face? It's kind of weird, right? She kind of looks a little shocked. She's kind of like, Is he completely hairless?

Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. He's in the military. He works his angles pretty well. I know, right? It's a funny shot, though. I wouldn't think that somebody in the military would have the degree of privacy necessary

to send that kind of shot. Well, he did cut out his head. Maybe's a that's true maybe he's a private fun thanks i'm a lot of fun oh but that picture just makes me giggle a lot i like it when because i you know i i'm sure you guys know this i've got dick pics like whenever girls get them we like show all our friends obviously i'm sure so i mean i i don sure. I barely know the guy and I've seen his penis like 10 times. When you

use a Snapchat, does it let the other person know that you took a screen cap? I actually think it does now with the updates. I feel like it'll show you that somebody has because you can see when somebody's delivered it. You can see when somebody's opened it. I'm pretty sure there's a new little thing.

And then it only exists for a couple of seconds. Yeah, Snapchats last for like six seconds and then disappear. Once you send a picture of it. It being your wiener. Yeah. And you're waiting. It must be agony waiting, like knowing that they haven't opened it yet.

You're like, this is just floating out there. Yeah. I know, especially when it's a good one. You're like, I really want somebody to approve this. Good hair day. I know. You're texting your friends. Did you open your Snapchat yet?

Did you, were there ever any wieners on Tinder? Yeah. Yeah. It was funny because I actually, I accepted it. Like I swiped right. Cause I was just like, I needed to know if it works. Right. And then I go, oh, does this actually work? Cause I, like, it was just like i needed to know if it works right and then i go

oh does this actually work because i like it was just like there's no face in it oh like that was his uh profile his body almost similar to that angle that that gentleman was gentleman we'll post it on our blog yeah yeah i was like a shot from like about his chest to like his thigh so so i wrote him i'm like does this actually work like his thighs. So I wrote him. I'm like, does this actually work? Like, do girls like go out with you? And then he goes, you tell me. And I go, well,

what if you're a butter face? And he goes, well, do you have kick or BBM? And I'm like, no, and I'm not downloading a new app to see your face.

And I know I had to ask about that too. There's so many apps. I can't even track. Are they more specific sex apps? I don't even know what kick is.

I think it's something similar to Snapchat. Oh, brother. Oh, brother, it's too much. Yeah. So anyways, is I think it's something Similar to Snapchat I don't know Oh brother Oh brother It's too much Yeah So anyways But I do

I get him to Snapchat me A shot of his face And then I was like Gross You see that his face Is actually that shot It's this Like I was born

With a weird condition Where I look like a wiener If you're talking To a guy's dick pic It's fun to imagine That it's just His wiener talking Yeah That actually is really fun I should just picture that Like little penis puppets Right Yeah If you're talking to a guy's dick pic, it's fun to imagine that it's just his wiener talking.

Yeah. That actually is really fun. I should just picture that, like little penis puppets, right? Yeah. Yeah, like the wiener somehow commandeered the phone. Well, it's in his pocket. Yeah, exactly. I'm too lonely. Oh, man.

And that's awesome that it's going to be a book. Definitely, yeah book I'm definitely yeah I'm working on two books right now because I it's funny because before I started this blog

I was just wanting to write just a book like a collection of my stories from being a stand up comic in Canada because like a lot of

chick comics in the states have those books you know like Mindy Kaling like Sarah Silverman Chelsea Handler all her writers like Heather MacDonald,

Jen Kirkman, Sarah Colonna. They all have books out. And then I'd like to see if there's any Canadian women that are doing it. Because our stories are so different up here. Yeah.

Our industry is so different up here. Obviously, you know from that blog I just posted about Yak Yak and the way it got treated. Casino Niagara. Like, I have all these interesting stories and they're so different.

And doing The Road in Canada is different. I thought it'd be really interesting to put all those stories into a book. And I'd like to see if any Canadian women have books out, like Canadian female standups. And like Jessica Holmes has a book, but it's like all on motherhood. Kate Davis, same thing, motherhood. So there are some books out there, but I feel like nothing exactly with these, with my,

my, you know, everybody has their own story, right? Yeah. Have you tried writing a book on motherhood? I know. I don't know, I might have a couple chapters on babysitting tops, that's it.

No maternal instinct yet. Were the Sweet Valley twins in the babysitting club? The babysitting club. One of my, someone's grandpa. Babysitter's club, please.

I also read those as a kid. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I think we all did right guys right David yeah

of course you read Are You There God It's Me Margaret as well yeah did you actually yeah no

I didn't oh you didn't you did it I read all of Judy Blume's books only the girls in my class read that Superfudge I wish I had

I read Superfudge yeah they were great you can still read it it's not too late I'm afraid had. I read super fudge. Yeah. They were great. You can still read it. It's not too late. I'm afraid. You're afraid it's going to change your whole

values. Well, it's funny because then after I wrote the Tinder blog, the Tinder blog just ended up getting a little following,

right? Like I got the cover of Now Magazine in Toronto, which was really, that was really exciting and like a huge break for me because I've

never been on the cover or something. Do people like that whole week? hey i know every time every time you go anywhere in toronto it's like oh look there you are it's so creepy but it was really nice but it's funny because then it's like okay so then i got this attention from this little tinder blog but then it's like i think this happens a lot as like as a creative person where it's like sometimes the thing that kind of breaks your career isn isn't the story you really want to tell. Do you know what I mean?

Like, that's a cute thing. I'm really excited to make this little like pro single 51st dates book. But then, then I get to go back and like finish the book that I started before all that. And like, tell my, my real story.

It's good to have a second book ready to go. I know. You don't have the old, what is it called? Sophomore slump. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Cause a lot of people, they write that first book, and then that's it, you know? Oh, man. I know. I got two, and I love writing. That's like my passion, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's really, that's awesome.

I was trying to think of what was the worst sophomore slump, like, album. Oh. Right Said Fred. Yeah, right. Right Said Fred. Second album album probably. I was trying to remember the name of the second Spin Doctors album. They were on a planet and they were holding up signs.

And I think it still sold like 4 million copies. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, Spin Doctors. Wow. Wow. If you're out there listening, and I think a couple of the members of the band do, write in. Let us know how you're doing.

Right? Yeah. I was thinking more like Shanice or something. But obviously I listen to more girl music. Do you guys remember Shanice? No. Shanice, is that a 90s? She had a song called I Love Your Smile.

Oh, yeah. It was kind of cute. What about that guy who sang Walk the Dinosaur or whatever happened to him? Oh, was not was? Is that who that was? Oh, you're good. Yeah. Don was?

I think that's who it was. Oh, boy. I say was. Oh, boy. Right said, Fred. Was it Fuzzy Buzzy? He wasn't there. I remember that.

I love your smile. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, know. So, originally, like, I went down to Casino Niagara. Also, this club has this reputation of banning comics for nothing. I mean, sometimes comics get banned for good reasons, like over-drinking, over-gambling, telling off blackjack dealers not to name any comics. Sorry. I said that out loud. I didn't hear it.

But bless their hearts. Yeah. They're just trying to have fun after the show sure comics should be able to do but anyways lots of strict policies you know

we get memos all the time like you know you're not allowed to like try to hop on the free bus for like gamblers there's a bus that goes from like Toronto you're not allowed

if they find out the comics are taking it you're going to get like banned and there's lots you know of course we're only worthy of a hotel from like December to March.

Other than that, you have to drive back and forth in Toronto traffic two hours each way. It's had a shifty reputation for a long time. We got these memos that say, do not engage the crowd. Do not speak back to hecklers. Don't engage the staff in your act. Don't speak back to hecklers. Don't speak back to hecklers. I have a copy of the crowd. Do not speak back to hecklers. Don't engage the staff in your act. Don't speak back to hecklers.

Don't speak back to hecklers. I have a copy of the memo. I put it in my XOJ article, just like a thing. But you're not supposed to talk back to hecklers. They don't want you to tell somebody to F off and leave the club or leave the casino. They want those drunk people in the building to gamble. Because as they told the boss man at Yuck Yucks, Yuck Yucks is.00001% of their revenue.

But by law, the OLG makes sure every casino has X number of non-gambling activities in order to stay alive as a casino, legally. There's some casinos that just have some blocks in the closet. Coloring books. It's one of those puzzles.

Now, is there a way I can color and be a big winner? Right. No, this has to be non-gambling. Well, can I color in a picture of some chips? So anyways, I have this Thursday night show where I'm out there just doing my set. And, you know, I do talk pretty openly about sex and my body. I mean, a lot of it comes from insecurities, but whatever. So,

I don't know. At one point, they're just like, shows your tits, shows your tits, and they're like banging their fists on the table. This like group of probably about 12 guys. So just a typical night out on the town. And these were like 20-something guys drinking. They weren't just like fops and dandies in there.

Yeah. Really going to town on their chance and they're drinking and like their fists on the table. It goes on for a bit. And I'm like, come on, guys. Like, I'm not really allowed to like be like, shut the fuck up. Get out of here. So I'm just like, whatever, guys. I'll show you one.

I don't even. I don't know if you can see my profile, but I have no tits to see. So let's just, you know, there's, you can probably see more tits going to the fucking buffet in that place off the men. Anyways. I thought you meant like chicken breasts. Chicken tits. You absolutely could. Chicken tits.

I like that. I keep like plowing through my set. I only have to do 20 minutes. All right. And are they doing this the whole time? They're doing it pretty solid for a couple minutes. And then, but they get over it. And then I keep going.

And of course I do a whole bunch of material waxing. And then they're like, then they start with show us your bush. So show us your bush. I don't even know how you say that without tripping over your tongue. Show us your bush. Show us your bush. Show us your bush. They're banging, banging, banging. Show us your bush.

Show us your bush. And they won't stop. I was like, banging, banging. Show us your bush, show us your bush. And they won't stop. I was like, oh, well. I'm like, again, I'm like, I just did 10 minutes on waxing. Don't you get that? What happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show us your bush.

I don't know if you guys are getting what I'm saying. Anyways. And I like, literally, I went off stage and I was like, oh, well. Like, that was bad. That was horrible. Like, in a club like the Downtown club, Freddie, like any good manager, would have gone up to that table and been like, show us your bush.

Yeah, show us your bush. And if I was allowed to, I would have been like, you know, I would have told him to shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can always rally with the crowd because the crowd usually hates that table too. Anyways, but you're not supposed to. Like you're not supposed to.

I'm just like whatever I'm just going to get through all this but then I get off stage I don't want to get banned from this terrible place I don't want to get banned from this

I know terrible place every other comic's been banned from I get off stage and Darren Frost is like I've been running around to management trying to get them to go up to that table

trying to get them to shut up or kick them out because they're obviously like hammered I have my smart serve or serving it right as you call it in BC I know

drunk people when I see them. Anyways. I don't. I've never taken that test. They look the same as everybody else today. I can always tell when someone's drunk on Tinder. I know which way to swipe. So yeah, anyways, Darren was furious. Darren was more upset than even

I was at the time. I was like, oh, I just thought it was like one of those nights where you have to injure a rowdy crowd. It happens sometimes. I am not. I don't know. I let everything roll off my back. I don't care. Like, I'm like, whatever. But Darren is livid.

And so when the woman comes up to me and she's been such a bitch to me all night. I don't like, you know, when people are just like, I don't know, like, what's wrong? We're just comedians. We're trying to make people laugh and they're so mean that they just treat us so awful. So I said to her, I said, just so you know,

like the next time a whole bunch of people are shouting, show us your tits and show us your bush, she'd probably go up to that table and shut up. I'd tell them to shut up. And then I burst out crying because I'm so bad at, like, confrontation.

And she'd been so mean to me. That sounds pretty good, how you handled it. And then she goes shut up. And then I burst out crying because I'm so bad at like confrontation and she'd been so That sounds pretty good how you handled it. And then she goes oh sorry I thought you liked it. So that's why she let it

she let it keep going because she thought I was enjoying it and I was like I only have ever worked at medieval times and the knights loved it when you yelled it.

Yeah. Like oh that's so bizarre but yeah so she just thought oh that's part of the Yeah she thought I just like that and's so bizarre but yeah so she did she just thought oh that's part of the yeah she thought i just like that and then so anyway so then there was some emails that went back and forth the next day and uh and they were like no we just thought she didn't seem rattled up there so we just like let it keep going and they're like well she's a pro she's not gonna

let it rattle her right like right Right. And I went back down. Like, I thought about not going back down. And then I'm like, no, I'm going to finish the weekend. So I do Friday and Saturday. But I'm taking that free bus for the game. I'm taking the free bus. Oh, yeah. You know what I did, actually, to get my revenge? I went back down.

I killed the rest of the weekend. Like, Friday and Saturday were unbelievable shows. They were so good. And then my revenge at the end is I went into the fridge in the green room. And I stole, you know, like, casinos have all those little chubby water bottles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put like 10 of them in my purse and I left. I'll show you, Casino Niagara.

I got 10 free bottles of little chubby waters. But like, I literally have these emails saved because I'm so disorganized of the comedy club, of Casino Niagara apologizing, going, oh, we're sorry. We were still learning what comedians like and what they don't like. Right. So anyways. Can we get those 10 chubby bottles back? We know that comedians like stealing those bottles. See, if I got fired because I stole the chubby bottles of water,

that would have been a good reason to get fired. But then I got rebooked for the club, like, you know, six months later. It seems that's the normal rotation. And I get booked. And then the week later, my agent calls. She's like, we have to pull you from Niagara Falls. of the club like uh you know six months later it seems that's the normal rotation and uh i get booked and then the week later my agent calls she's like we have to pull you from night of falls they don't want you back there because of you and darren frost and the unruly crowd and i'm like just to be clear the night that i got heckled show us your tits show us your bush that's my fault and now i'm getting that's my fault apparently and i'm now i'm getting fired i'm like i guess that's

what i get for standing up for myself and then I wrote that blog and then I went like super viral. And cause it's, that's not a reason to fire somebody. They think that you brought those guys with you. I'm just going to invite a whole bunch of people that are going to beg for me to take my clothes off on stage. Like that's my, that's my audience.

Yeah. We didn't like that act as much as some people. I think she, I don't, she brought these plants that she, yeah. How much would you have to pay people to sit in the audience? I know.

Ventriloquist Christina Wachachan made three innocent people demand that they. Oh man. So the only reason this is like resonating now is because I went into my other box on Facebook. You guys ever gone in your other box? Yeah. I will. I know. I, I know what it is. Have you guys ever gone in your other box? Yeah. Well, I know it exists. Have you been in there? After I saw your post, I went and I checked,

and I had messages from a year and a half ago. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. There was tons of people trying to get in contact with me, like the Toronto Star, Change.org, a lot of people that called Yak Yaks, and Yak Yaks wouldn't take their phone call.

And I was just like, oh, dirty bastards. And I quit Yuck Yucks two months ago. I couldn't do it anymore. I was like, I can't stand underneath the logo anymore. Cause like. All other comedy clubs that also have logos. The boss man was pretty adamant about him not wanting that to go to the press. He didn't want to stand up the casino. You know, he was like, he couldn't afford to lose that comedy club. And he was mad at me for standing up for myself. And at the time I was so scared. I was like, he couldn't afford to lose that comedy club. And he was mad at me for standing up for myself. And at the time, I was so scared. I was like, oh, I just like tipped through all this press, just got through it. I never blame Yaki Yucks.

I was like, no, Yaki Yucks is the best because I didn't want to lose all my shows. I didn't want to lose, you know. And then only now that I've left and I've like, and now I find all these messages. I'm like, man, like, well, A, I always knew that they were never on my side. He was never on my side. He did not care. He blatantly told me he was on the casino side. He put his kid on the phone for me to talk to his three-year-old kid.

And he told me he has to put food on the table for his family. Oh, weird. He's like, I'm not on your side. I'm on the casino side. Talked to my kid for 45 minutes. I know. And then I talked to a toddler. Two nights in a row he actually called and put his kid on the phone to try to just get me to back off and not do any press.

Did the kid know what the kid was doing? Oh, yeah. It was all over. Yeah. Gotta watch the bottom line. What you're doing is bad for the brand. Keep going. a little more. Woke waiting.

Woke waiting. I don't come down to where you woke. Oh, man. I love this baby booker. Baby booker. Baby booker. We've got some corpwits coming. It's corpwit season. Show us your tits.

I'm starving. Oh, man. What an ordeal. But you're coming out on top. You're doing a book. You got a thing. It's all happening. Everything's all really good.

I'm quite lucky. But yeah, it's just so funny because I'm the most tender little person. I get scared to offend anybody. And then all of a sudden, I brought up, yeah. I think we're going to get a lot of emails from our dean. Slamming their earrings. Bad nothing. Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, nothing like that. No adventures in Niagara Falls? No, I'm still on paternity leave. Greatest. It's week five, I think? Yeah. And finally sort of getting a dad routine. Okay.

Where Abby goes to bed. Oh, I thought you meant like, uh oh my kids are driving me nuts um no abby stays up late with the baby and i get up early with the baby and uh the other day like uh it was a huge rainstorm and um it's fall and so there's leaves all over the ground and they were blocking all the uh the sort of drains oh yeah so a lot so many streets got flooded and one outside my house did and i was like oh this is this like the because my dad was always really put together and i mean he still is uh and but like is this a stereotypical dad thing that I'm doing? What? Going and clearing out the drain?

What? Like just the way I was dressed. I was wearing pajamas with a bathrobe over top and rubber boots and just went out into the street and started kicking, kicking leaves out of the gutter at like nine in the morning. Yeah. That's a dad thing. sure for sure if i had one of those like winter hats with the ear flaps i think it would have completed oh yeah i know what you're getting for christmas um yeah like i think all that all that kind of stuff that uh that dads would just like you know not that moms couldn't do, because I mean, who knows,

you know, what the work breakup in any given household is. But I know dads tend towards like the eavesdrops or the gutters, right? Like they're like, I got to get up on a ladder. I got to do, you know, something with an extension cord. I feel like that was always Saturday morning. There'd be an extension cord leading from the house outside to some mystery project my dad was doing. You know, I got a, oh, the table's wobbling.

I got to sand down one of the legs. Something like that. You know what I mean? Do you ever get that in a restaurant where the table's wobbly? All the time. And you want to, so you get like and folded up a napkin or a matchbook and you put it under and i can never figure out the way to do it i always make it work everybody's drinks just like yeah i have worked in restaurants years i'm the

queen of stabilizing a table with a coaster especially patio tables patio tables seem to always be the worst this is true yeah it's it's something about the tables or is it the patio exactly the pavement's usually uneven and so it's something about uneven pavement. Is it the tables or is it the patio? Exactly. The pavement's usually uneven, and so it's always a little wobbly. But you're like, let me just do-do-do, and away you go. It's so funny.

People sit down, they just start shaking the table and creating their own earthquake all the time. I'm like, what are you doing? Let's see how adorable they get. This one's all right. I know, it's true. They test them out when they sit down.

It's funny to watch. I'm, like, I have no sense of that. I always find out too late, like halfway through my meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where it's just, like, it's constantly moving one way or the other. There's, like, there's so many things that I should have a hang of by now that I'm, like, I always forget to get a napkin whenever I cook anything. And then halfway through the meal, I have to go back in the kitchen. These are things, you know, you're going to figure out a whole routine.

It's going to be, you know, you got to, first it's the, well, who's taking care of the baby when? And then you graduate to napkins. Napkins are tricky. I ate at the elbow room the other day. Oh, yes. Right? Okay, so they're supposed to be like that right there.

They're like sassy. Yeah. Like, get your butts in here. Like that, right? Yeah. Oh, you're going to drink a whatever. Like, it doesn't matter what you ordered. They're just going to make fun of it.

Yeah. Anyways, but. The answer whenever you have a sassy waiter or waitress, you always have to say, I'm dying. Oh, my excuse for this is because I have a terminal disease disease this is my last meal yeah so thanks i was told this was the polite room yeah just make them feel terrible um so anyways as you know there's always when you sit down at a table generally speaking you have one napkin for the meal the napkin is underneath your fork and your knife like that's your napkin for your meal, right? You have to ask for more napkins if you're going to be a messy eater,

but sometimes that's embarrassing. So you really want to make that napkin last. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask for no sour cream on my quesadilla, and I hate sour cream. Right. So then I took my napkin and I wiped all the sour cream off, and I put the napkin over here. Then what do I do?

I decide I'm going to put my napkin on my lap. I eat, and then I smoo to put my napkin on my lap. I eat. And then I smooched like sour cream all over my jeans and my nap. You creamed your jeans. I creamed my jeans. So I was like, oh, anyways. Oh, man. Yeah.

I'm very accident prone. Is that true? Oh, yeah. I can't help it. I don't even know if I'm accidentproof or I'm just like an idiot sometimes. Is it spatial awareness? I don't know what it is. I feel like sometimes I'm an idiot.

Here's another Christina's an idiot story. I was in the UK last year, right? And so I spent a week in London, and then I go up to Glasgow to the Glasgow Comedy Festival. Okay. So anyways, the Saturday night, do I not wear my new Union Jack t-shirt on stage in Glasgow? They don't love them. Yeah. Not the biggest fan.

Had a vote this year is a better fact. I didn't even get it the first show. I was like, they seem tough. And then the second show I called out the t-shirt

and I was like, oh my God, everything's so cheap in Scotland, especially this shirt. And then they like, were like fine with it. Ah, nice. Oopsies ah nice oopsies I have a lot of Christina's an idiot stories just give us 10 more no no save them for your book right um so you got out there you got

out there fresh dad yeah that was uh that's a dad thing that's going on i also wrote this great new uh diaper changing song it goes uh uh poo pee bloop bleep everybody knows you're a poop computer you do a little robot dance while you do it yeah uh what else is going on dad wise oh my other thing is i've i've been kind of like looking for something to binge watch by myself sure yeah uh and so i i have netflix and so and like five in the morning when i'm with the baby uh uh so i was like i don't know let's try veronica mars and i didn't i didn't make it through half an episode of that and then i was like oh watched The X-Files when it was originally on. Oh, really? And so I started watching that. And I kind of really liked the first couple episodes. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, this has potential. Yeah. It's not getting any better, but it's okay. Yeah, it's fun. It's like, you know, because every episode is kind of a standalone. Yeah. Now we're investigating these weird whatever. Things in the sewer or whatever. And it's shot a standalone. Yeah. Now we're investigating these weird whatever. Things in the sewer or whatever.

And it's shot in Vancouver. Yeah. So it's great to see Vancouver 20 years ago and like neighborhoods that like Yaletown in old episodes, there's nothing there. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I should rewatch it just for that.

Just for the... And tons of like actors before they were famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I should rewatch it just for that. Just for the... And tons of actors before they were famous. Oh, really? Like, you know, Seth Greens in the second episode. The guy who married Courtney Stodden. There's an episode with Brent Butt in it. Oh, really? Yeah.

See if you... He looks quite different than he looks now, but he plays a coroner in an episode, and his one line is hilarious. And I was looking up how old they were when they did it, and David Duchovny was like 33

in the first season. Wow. What's her face? Gillian Anderson. Gillian Anderson was 25 in the first season. Wow. She was younger than Luke Perry, and she was playing an FBI agent while he was playing a high school student. And kind of of the two of them, she seemed like the older, kind of more senior of the two, because she's more... She was the 1995 woman we were talking about earlier.

Yeah. Yeah. I never did watch The X-Files. I know. I should do that, too. Yeah. I'm binge-watching The Good Wife right now. Oh, really?

I love it. Everybody's binge-watching The Good Wife. We're all binge-watching TV now. Yeah. Is that on Netflix? Yeah, it is. Or are people going out of their way to torrent The Good W no yeah i've heard you should watch nashville too nashville no no no i won't do that my wife watches that i'm working my way through um twin peaks oh and i watched it when i was a

kid but there's not much to work your way through two seasons yeah the thing about like binge watching something now is so many shows are like 12 episodes a season yeah and so like oh it doesn't get good

until the fourth season but if in the X-Files I have like 25 episodes a season yeah it's gonna be a slog

that's like the good wife too it's like 25 I was like when does the season end because after you're watching Breaking Bad there's like the good wife too it's like 25 I was like when does the season end because after you're watching Breaking Bad there's like is it just about one wife?

it's about Carrie Bradshaw's ex-boyfriend yeah he's a senator he cheats on what's her face he cheats on a doctor from ER

oh wow there's a lot of intrigue here a lot of backstory that's good I'm telling you it's good it's like law and order only with more of a soap opera

going on amongst the lawyers. I'm in. Maybe. Well, Twin Peaks, I have to finish Twin Peaks and then... I'm getting kind of girly, aren't I?

I'm sorry. I come in here with my pink cup and talk about the good wife. We love girlies here. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

We used to have streamers hanging out off of her. Yeah, yeah. And then we're like, it's two on the notes. We're wearing pasties right now. Speaking of streamers hanging off things. So funny. So, yeah, that's it.

Watching The X-Files. It's a little bit spooky. Yeah. I like spooky. Yeah. You'd like it. Oh, yeah. If you've never seen it before, it's spooky.

And he's great. David Duchovny. they're both great they're both great characters and she's supposed to be like the she's the skeptic skeptic and he's the believer but she like every episode i'm six episodes in and by the end of every episode she believes she sort of believes but then by the time the next episode starts she's a skeptic again yeah yeah it doesn't really that was the good thing about the show is it reset you could just watch any episode and you'd be like But then by the time the next episode starts, she's a skeptic again. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't really. That was the good thing about the show is it reset. You could just watch any episode and you'd be like, you're in. That was all TV before like the year 2000.

Yeah, yeah. Well, but, you know, like things like Dallas, like you would have to, you know, you'd have to watch it all and who's with who. And you know what I mean? Like there was that kind of thing. But there's only the two characters and then kind of auxiliary characters and it's a different story yeah yeah but like gilligan's island they're all they all take place like they can all be interchanged whenever except that you know that at a certain point they changed from and the rest to the professor and marianne yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess it wasn't an overarching story.

Well, them trying to get off the island. Yeah. That wasn't really, that was just the same story. That's how Lost ended, right? It was that they were actually Gilligan's Island the whole time. It was all Gilligan's dream.

Oh, would that be the best twist in television? Is if at the very end, the last shot was Gilligan waking up and being like... Gilligan's dream oh would that be the best twist in television is if at the very end the last shot was gilligan waking up gilligan's eyeball oh man uh if i was the head of a studio things would be different i said um so that's me dadding around dadding around uh you i uh this week, well, last week, I was approached by a stranger. Get out of there. I was approached by the people who organize the Vancouver TEDx talks. Aha.

Cool. I saw a picture of you. Yeah, yeah. So they were like, they said, you know what this is? And I know what TED is. And TEDx is just kind of,

it's the same thing, but organized independently. Okay. So like TED kind of, like it's kind of like a franchise, like you buy the name TED and then you put on your own, whatever. Your own Seth MacFarlane

teddy bear movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. We're talking about the same thing. They've licensed it for high school plays. I got the role of Ted. Yay. I get to swear so much.

So you know the Ted Talks, you know. They go and say, hey, here's what your body language is what's wrong with your body language yeah here's how music can change your autism into uh you know blessing yeah or you know this is a this is a guy that went to the third world and did something good not something i went to the third world, farted, and laughed. So most of the speeches are really super serious. And so they were like, at the end of the day, we'd like to have just a comedian come out and just do whatever.

Sure. Seven minutes or whatever. And I was like. Oh, are all the TED Talks the same length ish yeah okay and they're it's not like it's not like a pecha kucha where it's 20 slides for 20 seconds no no $20 it's like everybody does what kind of 20 minutes ish and it starts at like eight in the morning and it runs all day so they the people had been there like since 7 30 or whatever sure and uh what time did you go on well uh like five o'clock in the afternoon and they were like you know we we want you to come down and watch the things and i was

like i'm not gonna do that uh because uh you know it's seven o'clock in the morning on a saturday i'm not gonna do that um and they were like okay we'll just in the morning on a Saturday. I'm not going to do that. Um, and they were like, okay, we'll just give you notes. And I'm like, I'm not trying new material on this, uh, in front of,

you know, 2300 people or whatever. Um, and so, you know, just watch the speeches. And they were the ones that I watched. I caught like the last chunk and they were really good,

but they were all like super like just heavy you know like you wanted this guy as a soccer player you know he didn't think

he was going to make it and then at the last second he made it you know he didn't think he was going to survive I don't know

you know like something like that I think maybe there was an element of both you know oh metaphor yeah

and and then yeah at the end they just went out like I think maybe there was an element of both, you know? Oh, metaphor. Yeah. And then, yeah, at the end, they just went out. They did like 20 minutes of like, thank you to all the people. And then I went out after the thank yous. And it went really. People were putting their coats on. People were putting their coats on. There were people that were leaving. And I went out.

And it went fine but i didn't i guess i didn't realize that i would be on the giant screens oh uh so i was not like you know camera ready how many pounds did the camera add too many what were you talking about i just said you know i just kind of talked about how i don't have anything to talk about uh in the ted world and i just talked about vancouver and just made a couple jokes and then i like you know you when you're in like that kind of situation your jokes don't have to be great because uh the bar is pretty low like somebody's just literally it's been tragedy for the last right and then three hours yeah and then thank yous a half an hour thank you for our coffee yeah were they thanking the lord

uh yeah so he did that and it's weird because it's the only it's the first show i think i've ever been on where everybody was super nervous because all these people were not public speakers. So everybody had weird things. They were dancing backstage or pacing or fucking around with things. And I felt like I was the only one that wasn't. And they kept asking me every five minutes, are you okay? Is everything fine? And I'm like, yeah, same as five minutes ago.

It's like a comedy showcase where there's scouts out there. Yeah, you know. Yeah, exactly. I mean, and everybody was really nice, but they kept asking me, like, do you need this? Do you need that? And I was like, no, what? No, just make sure there's a microphone. Like, that's all there has to be.

There's just a microphone. But then I didn't know I'd be on the giant. And they were like, it's going to be a headset microphone. Is that going to be a problem? And it's going to be flesh tone. They asked if I wanted that. And I said, no, that would be too weird to go out there with the headset. Like, okay, yeah.

I feel like you need to lead clapping when you're wearing one of those. That's true. And then at the beginning of the last set of the show, there was a choir that was called the Kingsgate Chorus. And they're from East Van,

but they named themselves after that crazy mall. That has an Ardine. That has the Ardine in it. Perfect for me. Amazing. Yeah, so anyway, so I did that. So so i'm officially i've done um i'm officially that counts as a ted oh yeah you can put that on your resume that's so cool i love watching them

like i've never seen them live before i just watch them on the internet and some of them are so good but yeah you're right they're usually kind of heart-wrenching or yeah thought-provoking serious yeah like there's not and and I think they were right. Like, yeah, put something at the end. It's like fun and light. But I was like, maybe not at the end of all the thank yous for the day. People are really thinking how much more parking time. I've never watched a TED Talk.

No? No. They're good. I think I've watched bits of some, but I've never watched a whole one. I watched, what's his name, Bobby McFerrin? His is really good. Bobby McFerrin? Yeah.

What? Yeah. Is he still not wearing and being happy? Yeah, he does, like, all of his stuff is with his mouth or whatever, right? So he, like, creates a thing on stage. He's like, get this part to just go like la la la la la

and this part to do whatever. And he like creates a thing. That's fun. It was fun. Yeah. Is it fun from your seat at home? To me,

everything's more fun from my seat at home. Or did you do that along with it? La la la la la la. Yeah. And I'm like, it sounds like crap over here.

I'm overpowering the rest of the audience man yeah I watched a couple I've seen a couple of them one of them actually is a friend of mine

Steph Guthrie and she talks about Don't Feed the Trolls talking about reacting to internet trolls oh yeah it was a really good one too that's really good

oh yeah what do you guys think about internet hate how do you guys react with not that anybody would ever should ever throw any internet hate your direction but if you get? Not that anybody would ever, should ever,

throw any internet hate your direction, but if you get a cranky message from somebody on the interweb, how do you respond? I take it very personally. I get sad forever. And then I try to ignore it. And then I'm broken. Yeah, this comedy coup thing. Oh, right.

Oh, yeah, I love it. I've seen yours. They're great. Of course, you're Wilderness Man. Yeah, Wilderness Man. I love it. And the comments are open to anybody, and you get extra voting power if you leave a comment.

So there's this one dude who literally, like it just was his name and then the word meh and that was the top comment and then i was like well i wonder if this guy and then i went on the next entry he had written meh across everybody's entry so unless you went and like looked at all the entries you'd be like oh man is the top but he just written it to like rack up points or whatever but yeah what do you

do do you have you had any internet trolling a little bit I'm like the second I see anything negative

I just shut it down I I just like block them on Twitter and I never read my comments on like I don't even go to my YouTube page

that's where internet hate goes to solar I don't know that is wow but I that's where internet hate goes to solar I don't know that is wow but I mean even one guy wrote me on Tumblr and he just wrote you're fucking annoying so I wrote him back

and I was like then why are you reading this I was like go find something you like you fucking idiot and then I was like send like especially with a blog where it's like it's going to take you a lot longer to read my stuff and then hate me. Whereas I feel like with YouTube, it's easy to watch and then hate. But I don't think anybody, any real internet hater doesn't have the patience to read like 2,000 of my words every week.

That's true. You've got to really be a hater. Exactly. You've got to really want to hate me and get through all that. I'm like really quick with blocking people. Like if someone, like if I write a joke on Twitter and someone responds and they're like, even if they respond with like a joke that I don't get on the other way back, I'm like, you're blocked.

You're just trying to add on to my joke, but I didn't. Immediate block. I didn't fully appreciate what you were doing. It's easier to just block you. Do we want to move on to some business? Yeah, let's do that. This week in business, we've got a Jumbotron message. That's right.

Jacob Holler is a Rhode Island singer-songwriter and longtime MaxFun supporter. And Time to Break Up the Band is his third album. On it, he's brought together some of his favorite musicians to record songs on topics such as kittens relationships exploding whales criminal activity coffee loneliness and time travel the result is an eclectic mix of songs that will entertain and confuse you and i listened to some of the songs this morning he does a cover of the way down in the hole yeah the theme from the... Way Down in the Hole. Yeah, the theme from The Wire. Yeah.

It's good. He's got a nice, kind of a cheerful tone. Did you know that you can go to jacobholler.bandcamp.com and listen to it? Nope. Listen to Time to Break Up the Band there, as well as iTunes and Spotify. Yeah, it's a fun listen. I liked it. And so you can, yeah, check them out.

Totally radical. So if you would like your message on our show, head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Do you want to move on to Overheard? Oh, man, would I love to. I'm Biz. And I'm Teresa. And we host One Bad Mother,

a comedy podcast about parenting. We say all the horrible things about having kids so you don't have to. And you can come across as the magical vessel Pinterest Perfect Parent Society wants you to be. One Bad Mother. Because this is hard and nobody gives a s***. Check us out on iTunes and MaximumFun.org. Do you think it's okay to finish someone else's food? Do you have a fight with your friend over whether or not he should wear his filly's garb to a Colorado Rockies game?

Does your wife want to keep a chamber pot in her art studio? If so, please do not write in to Judge John Hodgman. I heard all those cases already. please do not write in to Judge John Hodgman. I heard all those cases already. Judge John Hodgman is the show where I, John Hodgman, adjudicate disputes between real people calling in over the Internet, and I tell them who is right and who is wrong over such important issues as is a machine gun a robot,

and is it okay to go through the garbage at the Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage? Bailiff Jesse Thorne rounds out the cast for a fun-filled podcast of judgment and justice. Kind of two of the same thing, actually. Judge John Hodgman, take a listen if you do not mind. I order it. Come visit the courtroom. It is open to all and located at MaximumFun.org.

Overheard. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear what you, the listener, has overheard. And we also, as the hosts of the podcast, what we've overheard in our daily life. We always like to start with the guest. Okay. Do you want to go ahead? With something I've overheard? Yeah.

Uh-oh. Okay. We'll go to Dave and then to me and then we'll go back to you want to go ahead? With something I've overheard? Yeah. Uh-oh. Okay. We'll go to Dave and then to me and then we'll go back to you. How about that? I gotta think of something I overheard. Yeah. You sure do. Crap-a-dingles. Mine aren't great. I don't leave the house a lot. But

Once that baby starts talking. Oh boy. It's gonna be. Ow! I feel good. Mine, yeah. It's going to be. Ow! I feel good. Mine, yeah. Please don't use mine as an example because they are so outside the realm of what we're supposed to be doing in this segment. But one day I was watching baseball and it was like a week ago and the game was rained out. Yeah. And so they were showing a classic baseball game from 2004.

Oh, I thought like a black and white. No, no, no. But it was in the early days. What they do now, if you don't watch baseball, is behind the batter, instead of having like an actual billboard there, there's a like a green box and then on the television broadcast

they'll just fill it with an ad for whatever. Oh, like a tire. They can just do it digitally. Yeah for whatever. Oh, like a tire. They can just do it digitally. Yeah, yeah. Instead of having a physical ad in the stadium. And so they can go through a few different ads throughout the game. And this was in the early days. 2004 was, I guess, the early days of this technology.

And I just saw it was a game that was originally broadcast on Fox. I just saw, it was a game that was originally broadcast on Fox. And I saw two different ads for Fox TV shows that I could not remember at all. So it's an overseen. And one of them was called My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. Oh, I do not remember that. I guess it was in the wake of my big fat Greek wedding. Sure. When every new television endeavor had to start with my big fat

yeah yeah um but i don't know if that was like a reality show or a or a sitcom or something i don't know i've never uh i never i'm wondering if it was a sitcom who would be the star it would have to be somebody fat otherwise it's false advertising but the other one was an ad for this tv show called the rebel billionaire which had to be richard branson oh maybe oh you know what it maybe was yeah i didn't look into either of these but it was just like it was around it was a little after fox had done like who wants to marry a millionaire oh yeah i remember that guy uh whatever his name was brock brockwell he came down he did stand up at the urban well and he was he was so horrible like he came on is he better than screech uh well screech least, you know, had the kind of memorable not memorable, but like, you know,

you're going down memory lane kind of thing when you're watching Screech. But this guy, he just wanted, he was like, do you want me to talk about Darva Conquer? I remember her name was Darva Conquer. You never forget a name like that. We almost named our baby darva that's funny but anyways nobody i don't think it would it was too long after the show like people didn't want to hear about it but they kind of did but they kind of didn't but they

mostly wanted him to leave yeah that was it uh can i guess what he was wearing oh sure yeah like super expensive dress shirt untucked with jeans uh no yeah i think he was wearing if i were if my memory's correct i remember him wearing a blazer okay over top of his expensive yeah expensive shirt uh the rebel billionaire full name branson's quest for the best oh it was yeah it was uh it was i guess it was based on um the apprentice oh you wanted to find uh a funky new business person um and just let me look up my big fat obnoxious boss uh oh starring oh it was a television show yeah good yeah uh similar to my big fat obnoxious fiance it was a parody of the apprentice was everything the apprentice oh the boss was named mr n paul, which was an anagram of Donald Trump.

So these were my overseens. Yes. Mine is an overheard courtesy of being at Harvey's Burger Place. And their slogan is? We make your hamburger a beautiful thing. Okay. And it was late night because there's a Harvey's on Granville Street, which is like the big bar district.

Yep. And so this was, you know, one in the morning at Harvey's. What were you doing there? Getting some veggie burgers. What were you doing in the area? The bar district? I was doing a weekend at the comedy mix okay uh deborah d giovanni right yay yeah yay right she's awesome um so i was in line behind

this lady and she's very drunk you know she was bobbing and weaving just by herself like there was no you don't need anyone's help to bob and weave. Well, you should be bobbing, weaving out of the way of something. Oh, right. So she's- She's fighting invisible ghosts. Yeah. And she says, she's whispering to the cashier, her order, she's whispering. And the cashier is so flummoxed, like doesn't know what this lady's asking mostly because she can barely hear her but also because she's asking for stuff that is not on the menu and she said she keeps saying the

same thing over so that's when i tuned in i'm like oh this is gonna be great and what she was asking was do you have an avocado burger and then she whispers like from guacamole yeah yeah you know avocado yeah from the famous dip yeah that her interpretation wasn't i'm asking for something ridiculous that's not a thing on the menu. An avocado burger. It's not ridiculous. No, but it's not on the menu. Right. And then, but thinking that the cashier's problem was that she didn't know what an avocado was.

If you want an avocado burger. Yeah. You gotta go to Red Robin. Bring your own avocado. Slipping in the burgers. Just carry a coat full of avocados. Why you got all those pockets on the coat? I'll never tell.

Yeah, I'll never tell. Who guacs to know? That doesn't work. I walk the guac. Something in there works. Yeah, yeah. Now, do you remember one? Okay, now I have to refer to my notes, but I do have my overheard.

I don't know if I'm playing right, because this one's kind of weird. There are no rules. Okay, there are no rules. Okay. So sometimes when you're in a house or a condo or an apartment building, it's very small, and you can hear somebody peeing in the bathroom. Yeah. The door is shut, but you can still hear the pee through the door because it's so powerful.

Do you ever sit there and kind of try to figure out like how big the penis is by how powerful the stream of pee is in the toilet water? I'm trying to figure out if it's like a longer penis where like the pee sound like quieter because the penis is closer to the toilet water or is it because, or do you think like a small penis, sound quieter because the penis is closer to the toilet water? Or is it because or do you think

a small penis, the water is coming from so far away from the toilet water, it would be louder. What do you think? I've been told I pee very loud. Now I'm worried. But everyone should just run water. Just run water so no one can hear. Run water. Because I can't help it. no one can hear. Maybe just run water.

Because I can't help it. I don't know. When I can hear a man pee through a door, I start thinking about the size of his penis. If you can hear a man peeing through a door, then he should go to the doctor. But it's hard because it's like, that's the... I don't want to talk about it. Just like it's a... I was about to say, like a toilet is,

that's the, it's like acoustically. Yeah, absolutely. Perfect for that. But also, let's not talk about toilets all night. It's like the Hollywood Bowl.

It's just like, cute. Sound travel. It's a bowl, all right. Anyways. It's an amphitheater. It really is.

It's an amphitheater in your home. Yeah. It's the perfect place for a tiny concert. So that's my weird overheard share. Yeah. Is guys peeing? Yeah. Listening to guys pee through the door.

I don't know. Listeners, give us your feedback on that. Yeah. I'm interested to know, you know. Or we should conduct some experiments. Yeah, that's true. We should all drink the beer and then go pee and see who pees the loudest. What if it turns out yours is the loudest?

Then what do we draw from that? I have the biggest penis. You have the smallest penis. If you want to be included in this, just put a dick pic in your Tinder profile. And we'll find you. Exactly. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from people all over the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org.

This first one is a couple of kids talking. It comes from Roger R. in Chicago. Wait, one second. Get it. Get it. Okay. Overheard at a sixth grade, uh, a sixth grade student talking to one another during a year end party they earned for achieving their goals.

So we're, Graham's way behind on reading these overheards. Yeah. This is from June 2nd. Yeah. So the year end party in October. One student talking to another, I wish this party had beverages. This needs juice or something. I just, sorry, the writing is on the wall.

On the wall. I cut in to say that it's great the students get anything and point out how nice their teacher is for bringing in snacks. He says he would even share a cup if he had them. Me, that's gross, kid. I would share a cup with Adam Sandler. I am confused and ask, why? Do you actually know him? It's still gross to share cups.

Then in sound kid logic, he goes on to say, Well, I heard Adam Sandler is a ladies' man. I bet he keeps his breath fresh to kiss the ladies. We could share a drink, that's why. So, is that why people don't share a drink? That is some great kid logic. First of all, that you ever heard Adam Sandler was a ladies' man. Yeah, he's not a ladies' man.

No, Tim Meadows is a ladies' man. That's right. But also, it's not gross to share a cup, is it? Not with your friends. Yeah, exactly. Maybe not with strangers. Sometimes you see homeless guys in patio bars in Toronto, and people leave half pints on tables.

You see a lot of homeless guys in Toronto just run up to the bar and quickly slam all the leftover beer. Yeah. If you're desperate for the beer, I guess cup sharing's not a big deal. You're homeless. The worst is finding old cigarette butts. Oh, yeah, they do that, too. Yeah, they do.

Yeah. That is like... That's a really cheap thrill. Yeah. The cheapest thrill. It's like, well, now I need to find a lighter. No, you just bum a light. Do you like this weird, like, do you then, if you're a guy who picks up cigarette butts to smoke,

do you then go up to someone and say, hey, can you light my weird, gross cigarette? And hope that they'll say, oh, here's a fresh one. That would be the nice thing to do. If you see a guy with a crazy wonked out cigarette that's obviously cobbled together. Offer him a cigarette

of your own. I feel like homeless people should get free cigarette. Uh, okay. I'm not going to disagree. It seems unhealthy but alright. I think you should get

free bananas or something. Something that's good for them. That's cheap. A banana's really cheap. I know but I don't we should be punishing the cigarette manufacturers and not the banana manufacturers.

Bananufacturers. You're welcome. This next one comes from... This is an overdreamt. Oh, boy. We are really pushing the boundaries. Yeah, yeah. Well, I figured today if... I wasn't sure if I was going to read this one.

I dreamt that I heard the guy peeing through a dream portal. Yeah, through a safe in a bank. Oh, if you could hear somebody peeing through a safe, then that's crazy. Like, why? He's peeing all over the money. No, he's peeing in a really expensive toilet. Like the world's most expensive toilet? Yeah, like the crown jewels, but the throne.

I watched a documentary about Evel Knievel, and they talked about when he was at the height of his fame. Feeling kind of Knievel? Was that what it was called? Did he have an album? No. He bought an office tower, and in the office tower he jumped over it yeah then he demolished it um he had a safe in it and he brought all these people over to like check out

the safe and he went inside and all that was in there was a a solid gold motorcycle and uh just money just throwing all over the place. So he would just take cash and just throw it in there. But apparently he was super rich because of a toy that's where he made all his money. It was like an Evel Knievel brand toy. And he made millions of dollars. Well, I heard Melissa Rivers, Joan Rivers' daughter,

inherited $75 million. Yeah, that's75 million. Yeah. Seems high. Well, she made all of her money in that JVC or whatever you call it, QVC. Oh, right. I forgot about that. Yeah. So she had been doing that since the 80s.

So she had a lot of money. Wasn't she flat broke at one point? I don't think she was ever one of those people that went broke. She was banned from the Tonight Show. I remember that. Well, you can't make any money when you're banned from the Tonight Show. No, that's true. What if you're banned from a casino?

No, it was very hard. Well, you do save a lot of money on gambling. I was going to say, I've never gambled in Ontario since. So, I've saved a lot of money from that banning. I love craps, for the record. It's my favorite gamble. Oh, I heard a guy play craps through a door. What was that?

But let's go back to that overhearing story. How do you play craps? What's craps? It's the dice. The dice. It's always funner in Vegas, obviously. Vegas is where I go to gamble. I only gamble in Vegas.

But yeah, I roll dice. There's different odds, and the puck goes, you know, the puck's either on or off. Anyways, it'll take a I go to gamble. I only gamble in Vegas. But yeah, I roll dice. There's different odds and the puck goes, you know, the puck's either on or off. Anyways, it'll take a long time to explain, but. But it's the dice

throwing it down the table. I mean, your odds are the best on like sixes and eights. Obviously, that's the easiest thing to roll with dice and then seven

is the dirty number once seven gets rolled. All your money, all the money on the table goes bye-bye. So you never want to pay seven at a craps table.

I thought seven was good. Seven's only good when the puck's off. So before the puck goes bye-bye. So you never want to say seven versus seven at a craps table. I thought seven was good. Seven's only good when the puck's off. So before the puck goes on a number, if you're just playing pass line bets, then a seven or 11 wins

on the pass line bet only. Anyway, so it's good. I love craps. The craps is good because it's the kind of table that's friendly. People will teach you how to play.

It's not like blackjack where people get angry if you don't take a card that you should have taken. Oh yeah, people do get very snappy People get crabby At a Blackjack table But craps it's fun

Yeah Yeah everyone's Blowing on each other's dice Yeah I don't know how to double down I'd let Adam Sandler Blow on my dice Yeah

Because he's a ladies man Yeah I've never thought That Adam Sandler Would have particularly Fresh breath No You know what I mean

You're right He doesn't have that look Who do you think, celebrity-wise, has the freshest breath? Hmm. Hmm. Jessica Alba. Oh, God, yeah.

She's got fresh breath. Yeah, her breath probably smells like rainbows. Or even like Julia Roberts. Anyone who's got teeth that are shiny and white. Oh, yeah. Julia Roberts. George Clooney. I could see him popping Tic Tacs for sure.

George Clooney always has minty fresh. Yeah. Yeah. But then he'd also have a prank. that was shiny and white oh yeah george cloney i could see him popping tic tacs for sure george cloney always has minty fresh yeah yeah but then he'd also have a prank uh you know thing of tic tacs that actually have pills in it then you become addicted to pills then who do you think has bad breath uh buster rimes i don't know why but he has always struck me as a guy that... We did. We talked about this a while ago. A long time ago. Yeah, like celebrities we thought would smell worse.

And it was like Gerard Depardieu. Oh, Gerard Depardieu. It would smell like a garbage fire. Oh, man. What does he say? He drinks like six bottles of wine a day or something oh my god i watched this documentary on red wine and people the guy who works the winery is like yeah i had three bottles with lunch like we had yeah that's why i wear these red pants

so uh what were oh it was an overdreamt. In my dream, I was at a grocery store. How many topics did we cover since you left? Oh, man. Was that pre-Knievel? I think it was, yeah. Something about peeing through a safe. I was at a grocery store and overheard that there were some Canadian comedians in Brooklyn, where I live. So, I decided to go check out what was going

down at the comedy bar that was mentioned. There were terrible sketches so I decided to make my salad while I watched and drank beer. This is my favorite part of the dream, that you can go in the comedy club and make a salad. I forgot it was a dream. There was one man without any speaking

parts that was standing out in that he looked like he did not want to be on stage with these weirdos. There was an intermission and the next stand-up act was announced. It was Graham Clark. Oh, boo. Yay. However, the same man who had been on stage walked out. I was confused, but as soon as he spoke, it was definitely Graham. The thing was, he shaved off his beard.

He was somehow still hilarious, but was he shaved off his beard. He was somehow still hilarious but was near unrecognizable to myself. Afterwards you asked for some salad which we enjoyed together. Pretty good.

Yeah. I was going to say about dreams it's very funny how like in your dreams like you perceive something to be your house or you perceive

something to be your work but it doesn't when you wake up in the morning it doesn't really look like that's not what it looks like. Do you ever have one that you're up in the morning, you're like, it doesn't really look like. That's not what it looks like. Do you ever have one that you're like, I used to get these all the time. I don't really dream anymore. But when I was a kid, I would be like, I would be having a good dream,

and I'd want to recapture it so badly. Yeah. So you're trying to go back to sleep? I wouldn't accept that I was awake. Like Nightmare on Elm Street. I haven't seen it. What? Oh, I've seen the originals and the new one. like Nightmare on Elm Street hmm haven't seen it what oh I've seen the

the originals and the new one yeah the original there's a great like what is it like kind of oral history of Nightmare on Elm Street on Vulture

it's great oh yeah great story should I read that before I watch the movies it'll make it less scary oh I gotta I gotta listen to that

actually it sounds good. I love old school horror movies. I love Halloween and Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street. I love all that stuff. I've seen like two or three of it. You know, some of them.

Ah, not my thing. No? Too dark. I love spooky. I like a good spooky movie. Especially with Halloween coming up. Yeah, I've been trying to find like a good one that I haven't seen before.

Have you seen the original Amityville Horror? Yes. That's one of my favorites. Yeah. It's good spook. Yeah, like that's what I'm looking for.

I'm looking for like something that's like a good spook. Not no torture thing or anything like that. I don't want to see anything. But like a good like there's a presence here or we, you know.

I love presence. You know. It turns out you were in hell the whole time. You know, something with a good twist at the end. Oh, sure, yeah. I like a good twist. And then another twist at the very last second.

Oh, I don't like that. Two twists. No, no. I like as many twists as possible. Oh, sure. This guy, a French braid. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm just saying things. braid. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying things. This comes from Derek in St. John's, Newfoundland, walking home at 2 a.m., following two drunk guys. Drunk number one, I need to quit the Jack Daniels. I love it way too much.

Drunk two, yeah, JD has to be the truest drink for audio engineers around the world. Yeah. I can picture them walking down George Street as you read that. Yeah? Oh, yeah. You guys have been

to Newfoundland, right? I have not. Oh, my God. So far. It's like this strip of bars in St. John's, George Street. Anyways,

it's a really rowdy scene. Yeah. On Friday, Saturday night, everybody's hammered everywhere. Are they friendly drunks or are they crazy wild drunks? They're all nice. Yeah.

All right. They're still on the scary side of nice. Right. Spooky. Yeah, kind of spooky. There's sort of like a twist at the end and then another twist. They said it was the truest drink.

What drink? What is the truth of a drink? What is a drink's truth? You know, it's what it is. It's the fifth drink. That's what it is. It's the fifth drink. That's what it is. That's the truth. That is the truest drink.

The fifth. It should be what, in the bottle, what it says on the bottle. Oh, yeah. That's true, truth of drink. That's right.

And, you know, other. So that's the overheards from there. Now, listener, I've got to apologize. We're running into some computer troubles here. So I'm not going to even try to play these overheards this week. Yeah, because we're afraid the computer will catch fire. Halton catch fire.

Is that a thing? Was that a TV show about computers? Yeah, yeah. About 80s computers on AMC? Pretty good. Pretty good reference, Graham. Oh, boy. And did anyone watch that?

You know, the nerds. The nerds. The curds. Oh, yeah. Birds? Yeah, birds. Whew, thanks, Dave. You really saved me there.

So, we'll play some next week. Don't worry. Yeah, we'll play double next week no no no we'll talk yeah

now that brings us to the end of the show Christina do you have anything that you want to plug anything upcoming in November I will

totally plug a few things I will plug my blog which is resistingmarriage.tumblr.com okay and that's just me in my 30s, avoiding marriage, doing comedy, having fun, living my life,

that kind of thing. Yeah. But no interest in settling down and having babies. Anyways, so that's something to plug. I will be at Heckler's in BC at December 19th and 20th. Oh, you're coming back out this way. That's in Victoria. Yeah.

Yeah. Victoria. 19th and 20th oh you're coming back out this way that's in Victoria yeah Victoria I'll be out there and I feel like I have some more stuff but I don't want to like go through my phone right now but everything else will be out in Toronto

comedy bar kind of stuff we got listeners in Toronto there are yeah you got lots of listeners all over the world and I love your comedy awards by the way oh thank you

oh those old things I was at the awards and I saw you guys win the award. I know you weren't there, but it was very positive. Still haven't got a reward. Yeah, still haven't got that third one. No mention.

I think I'm going to have to go on the hunt to get it sent. Yeah, it's there. I saw it. It exists. Totally. Yeah. And I'm doing another Debaters in February. Oh, yeah, the Debaters.

Yeah, yeah. I love the Debaters. Yeah. Dave, anything? No. No? in February and oh yeah the debaters yeah I love the debaters yeah Dave anything? no no no you and Graham

yourself well you know this wilderness man thing yeah comedy coop just kicking right along so

you know follow at wilderness man three A's or I can't yeah the address is too many letters right to get to the you know is there wilderness graham is that a thing.com maybe yeah try that yeah that's possible oh here's something to plug i did a video tour of our studio a few of max fun podcast did video tours of the source dms asmr asmr i did an asmr video tours of the source. DMSR? ASMR. ASMR. I did an ASMR video tour of our studio.

It's very funny. And I scratched on all of the surfaces. And whispered the whole time. And whispered and had a creepy voice the whole time. So I'll post that on the recap blog at MaximumFun.org. All right. Wait, I found one show I'll plug. I'm going to headline the Mary Jane's a Comedy at the Comedy Bar on November 21st.

November 21st. That'll be a fun Toronto show to watch. Is Jane's a comedy at the comedy bar on November 21st November 21st that'll be a fun Toronto show to watch is that a Friday yes it is nice yeah get your babysitter now

bring them to the show date a babysitter absolutely oh yeah join the club yeah go to datababysitter.org the new babysitter's club

ooh they did that didn't they oh sure did they reboot it for like, tweens? Yeah.

This new crop of tweens? Picky tweens. Oh, boy. And if you like the show, do go to the MaximumFun.org for the blog recap

of this episode. Pictures and videos relating to the content of the episode. Evil can evil relating to the content of the episode. Evil can evil safe. Yeah, for sure. That Harvey's. It's the picture of Harvey's.

I love Harvey's. And if you like the show, please do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.