Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 351 - Mark Forward

Episode Date: December 9, 2014

Comedian Mark Forward joins us to talk racist bartenders, Christmas songs, and Jim Varney.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 351 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's enjoying this brisk winter weather. We're having Mr. Dave Shumka. No, too cold. My skin's so dry.

Yeah, I know. If it was a little bit more moist, but not too moist. Oh yeah, no, we just need to find that sweet spot. When will we ever find that sweet spot ah when will we ever find that sweet no this is the best it's the best weather it's so cold sweaters toques corduroys corduroys corduroys on corduroys on corduroys i don't wear toques come on you don't no not even was really cold what do you wear a headband one of those earmuffs? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And our guest today, first-time guest on the podcast, very funny comedian, and a host of his own podcast, the Mark Forward Podcast. Yeah.

Mr. Mark Forward is our guest. Hello. Hi, guys. How's it going? I also don't wear toques. Do you not? No. How come?

My head never gets that cold, personally. I just don't like how it looks afterwards. My hair's all flattened. Yeah, so I don't know what guys do when they take it off. A lot of kids don't now. They just leave them on all day. Slouchy beanies. Yeah, right?

I can't believe that's back. Slouchy beanies? Well, in America, they call them beanies. And then they have them all slouchy. Yeah, like they have them kind of like sticking up a little bit. Oh, no. I just mean like rolled over in the back of their head. Oh, I'm talking about there's like a lot of teenage girls you'll see they have the sticky

up. I don't look at a lot of teenagers. I do. That's all I do. You know what I do. I only look at older women like 60 years old. Yes. That's my thing.

Yeah. 60 years and up. Yeah. I'm like, Helen Mirren is amazing and no one will shut up about it. Yeah. But she doesn't wear a toque. Yeah, she does. What?

You just need to know where to look. Oh, Lordy. You can't find toques that have space up top very often anymore. Apparently you can. Really? I got a love heart. according to my uh my sources me i don't know if i trust these sources i wouldn't either but yeah they uh the the pookie like you know like it's not pulled down to skull shape it's pook pooky. Uh-huh. I don't know the word.

There's a lot of, so there's, it goes over the skull. Yeah. And there's like an air vacuum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is before

they go out of the house. They take a vacuum, get it perfect, and then. They sous vide their head. Yeah. Sous vide. So does the vacuum

come with it, or? No, no, it's just a home vacuum. It's just a standard vacuum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any vacuum will do. Well, it would have to standard vacuum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any vacuum will do. Well, it would have to have a hose attachment, I'm guessing.

Come on. In 2014, every vacuum's got a hose attachment. You could just use a dust buster. You know what? I don't appreciate you attacking my knowledge of vacuums in 2014. Oh, do you have a vacuum at home without a hose? Yeah, I do. I'm an old Hoover bag.

It is so hard to find the bags for. Yeah, those vintage tube vacuums. Trying to find bags for a vacuum cleaner is a humiliating experience. It's so embarrassing. Because you go to the store and you say, where are the vacuum bags? Nobody knows what you're talking about. A thing to carry your vacuum in? Like a golf bag?

Why are you traveling so much with your vacuum? And then you go and there's only one, you know, size. And it's not the right one. Yeah, it's the worst. You want to go to a place where there's a wall of different sizes. Have you ever been to a vacuum cleaner store? Yeah, of course. Weird breed of different sizes. Have you ever been to a vacuum cleaner store? Yeah, of course. Weird breed of people working.

Of course. No, I've never been adamant. I've lived, thank you. Check out this Dyson tattoo I have. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Play a jingle.

You don't have to explain yourself to him. I'm explaining it to myself. Oh, okay. I'm keeping myself on track. He's got to report to his sources. Do the Dysons take a bag? No. They just have a thing that you dump out.

No, nothing takes a bag these days. Everything's a thing. My vacuum cleaner still takes a bag. Are you serious? Yeah. Come on.. No, nothing takes a bag these days. Everything's a bag. My vacuum cleaner still takes a bag. Are you serious? Yeah. Come on. And it's not that old a vacuum cleaner. That's the thing.

I bought it because it like- See, I thought your whole bag story was you being facetious. No. No. Of course. How would I know so much about the bag? I thought you were just making it. I was like, nobody actually does that.

Yeah. No, somebody does. You have a bag. I had to buy uh one time i needed to vacuum because i couldn't find my vacuum cleaner so i walked to the thrift store and bought a vacuum cleaner for five dollars vacuumed the carpet tried to return it to the thrift store they said no and i threw it in a dumpster. Who was the special lady coming over? I think it was. I think it was because a girl was coming over, and I was like, I've got to clean my carpet.

Tell us more about this floating garbage island and why it exists. Oh, because you bought a vacuum cleaner for four minutes? Yeah. Like I said, i tried to return it but they were like no you must have done something weird but why was your first instinct to toss it like it worked didn't it it wasn't great it was good enough for the lady that was coming over what uh disposable vacuum yeah five dollar vacuum

and i didn't want to leave it out in the rain, you know. Oh, that's so sad. No one will pick it up. No. Yeah, even if I put a free sign on it. Do you live in Toronto? I do. Is that a very common thing there, that people will just put stuff out on the curb with a sign that says free?

You don't even have to put free anymore. You can put anything out there, I swear. I put a metal detector out there last week. It was gone. It's so quick. I'm not even joking. It's so quick. I put a table out once, and I was going back to get the chairs,

and the woman was standing there, and she goes, can you get the chairs for this, please? I was like, okay. Let me just go back to the stock room. Yeah, like you're a warehouse worker. Yeah, she already was packing just go back to the stock room. Yeah, like your warehouse worker. Yeah, she already was packing up the table. It's crazy. You can leave anything.

Yeah. It's the same here. Except that people will put it out in the rain, and then it just like, it's immediately garbage. Ah, yeah. No, like I even put out like an old washing machine that I had to take apart. They took it. Yeah. They just take it.

Weird. Why did you have a metal detector? And was it bagless? I don't have an answer for that. I wish I did. I wish I had a very interesting answer. Was it one of those like you go on the beach style? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Is there another style? Airport security. Airport security style. Yeah.

Like I thought, oh, maybe you, like, you know, sometimes you do a show and then they're like, ah, we can't pay you, but we'll give you this. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Here's a metal detector. Hey, hey, bouncer, give me your metal detector. I had one guy offer me $500 worth of frozen meat. Oh, wow.

And I was like, well, I don't have a freezer that could handle $400 worth of frozen meat. He's like, just bury it in the backyard. That's what I did. Is it winter? Well, thaw out $100 worth and eat it. Eat $100 worth because I can fit 300. Yeah. Well, I don't know.

It's like, hmm. Would you take that offer? I don't know. That's all he was offering. $400 worth of frozen meat. And you just had to make out with him for a little while? Yeah, I just had a kiss. A little bit. A little bit.

Touching. frozen meat. And you just had to make out with him for a little while? Yeah, just had a kiss. A little bit. A little bit. Touching. You, uh, I don't know. Cause like, for me, meat loses a lot of value when you freeze it. Yes. Yeah. Unless

it's like a weird meat. You know what I mean? Like, this is half a crocodile. Let's do the thing. Like, meat is a very, uh... Sensual. Yes, that's the adjective I was like meat is a very, sensual. Yes, that's the, that was the adjective I was looking for.

Way of paying me. No, but like, I mean, meat is like, meat could be anything. Yeah. Oh,

he just said meat. He just said meat. Oh, he didn't say beef. He didn't say what kind of cut, or beef, or steaks, or,

it's just meat. It could be a whole deer. Yeah, I ran over a deer on my way here tonight. This is largely raccoon meat. It could be a whole deer. Yeah, I ran over a deer on my way here tonight. This is largely raccoon meat. Would you eat raccoon meat? No.

I am. I mean, like today, no. No? In a pinch? Yeah. Okay. So then why aren't they homeless? They don't know anywhere to cook it.

They can make a fire in the park. No, they can't. No, no, no. But, you know, if you left out a food dehydrator, then they could do it. Could you dehydrate? Can you just put... Like raccoon jerky? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes. That makes the most sense. Solar powered. Oh, God, I wish I was good at puns. I have no... I wish there was... Vancouver has a lot of homeless, and I've never seen, like, a fire. Like, not a trash can, not a, you know.

In Stanley Park, a lot of dudes, they'll have a fire. You're not supposed to, but, like, they'll go kind of down, like, in the, kind of in the brush, and build kind of an area. And, yeah, you can see it at night. You can't see it as much during the day, but you can see the smoke. That makes sense. Raccoon's delight. Yeah.

Smoking night. Raccoon's delight. That's right. That's cool. I always thought those guys with metal detectors at the beach, I was like I don't know I was always fascinated

I never did it You just had it I just had it I never used it once Did you buy it new? Again I don't know It was once Or you bought it

For five dollars At a thrift store Because a girl Was coming over And you needed To find all your change I needed to find My change

So we could rent a movie. We watched Sleepless in Seattle and she loved it. And then we went dumpster diving. We found this old vacuum and it had a story to tell. We looked through the bag and I'd watch a Pixar vacuum story. It wasn't there? No, that was the Brave Little Toaster, but there was a vacuum character in that. What was the toaster one?

The Brave Little Toaster? Aren't they all? Why do you need that adjective? Yeah, you're right. They are all brave. It's just assumed with toasters. Yeah, who's the celebrity that had his own line of metal detectors? Oh, my word.

I don't know. It was a musician. I included it on a list of crazy things that musicians have enforced. Really? Yeah. It's a British musician. I just can't remember who it is. Oh, yeah.

Was it like Brian May or something? Yeah. It was somebody like that. Like somebody that you're like, oh, yeah, okay. His own line of metal detectors. Yeah. Oh, man. I could, yeah.

No, I could never, I could never. Bill Wyman. It was Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones. Of the Rolling Stones, yeah. Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones. Yeah, has his own line of metal detectors. Well, you know, he's entered a market that is wide open. Yeah, that's right.

There's no other. Tom Cruise thought about it. Passed. Passed. Yeah. Thank you. Hulk Hogan was in there. Passed.

I couldn't imagine putting it in my car and going to the beach, though. No. I guess not. It's not. I couldn't imagine putting it in my car and going to the beach though. No. I guess not. It's not. I feel like it's not. You wouldn't do it on like a beautiful summer day

in front of beach babes. No. I feel like the people who do it do it like five in the morning. Yeah. Yeah.

And I wonder if they find anything like of value. I imagine they find a lot of garbage. Yeah. They find a lot of loneliness. Yeah, they find a lot of loneliness. Yeah, a lot of hidden garbage.

I think the secret is to go to the day after an event, like a big public. Oh, yeah. See, you're thinking in a whole other way. I'm always thinking ancient stuff. I'm thinking they're going to find it. In case an artifact fell out of someone's cargo down at the Toronto beach they find you know an Egyptian necklace

that's what I'm thinking is happening yeah um no but there's a stigma to oh very much so to metal detector guys but that was Bill Wyman was trying to shatter that trying to make it cool

yeah he's trying to rock and roll up did they use satisfaction yeah if it finds something but is he the what is he the drummer

no he was a I have a guitar or bass but he I don't think he was an original member and he's not a current member yeah he had other things to do yeah I got a bigger picture that took off he married like a 15 year old or

something allegedly allegedly she was 15 no i just don't want to get in trouble for saying that but um but didn't the other guy also marry a 15 year old the old like he's the oldest looking of the rolling stones didn't he marry the drummer yeah charlie watts no he's the he's the greatest rolling stone he's the best he's the only one who hasn't cheated on his wife wow wow number one pretty good and that's that's how i qualify my wife sat me down and made me make a list of the best Rolling Stones. Yeah, but did you insert the information that one of them sold? I did, yeah. She was not moved.

Wow. I think that would bump him right up. Right to the top. It's an odd choice. Yeah. Yeah. Of things to endorse. But also, like, I came up with this whole list because I was working at CBC Music,

and there was, like, Carlos Santana has his own line of women's shoes. What? Yeah, there's a whole world of, like, you know, celebrities that just... But are they selling these, like, in other countries, obviously? No, Carlos Santana's women's shoes are, like, huge. Wow. Yeah, in the States, like, they're not called Carlos Santana's women's shoes are like huge. Wow. Yeah, in the states like they're not called Carlos Santana's woman shoes. It's something catchier, you know.

Black magic woman shoes. Yeah, that's pretty good. So, you're in town, you're doing comedy. Yeah, I Yeah To tell jokes And have you been on tour Just straight out here

And then straight back I did Victoria And then came here And then I'm going home And that's it That's it And I went down to Seattle For the day

Oh I saw a series of tweets You were in bars in Seattle I was in bars in Seattle When the Ferguson thing broke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And for some reason, I got on my high horse. And I happened to bring it up to the bartender, and I said,

hey, that's pretty crazy what's going on in Ferguson. And he said, I think it's about right. And you're like, I got to go. Now I got to leave. So I stood up and I had a full beer wait which part's about right that

that he got off the cop got off oh okay or that people are protesting no it was great that the cop got off wow

so I got up I paid and I said I can't I can't drink with you you didn't say that I did I did

oh you're wow I go don't you find this is a bit racist? Like, don't you think there's a problem? And he's like, no, I don't think race has anything to do with it. I'm like, okay, well, I can't drink here now.

Yeah. Why did I walk into Hitler's bar? Yeah, can you pour my beer enough to go? So I paid and I went to another bar and I sat down and I'm like, I'm like, don't ask, don't ask, just drink and I did it again. I said,

so what do you think about Ferguson? And he goes, I don't think that's the kind of conversation we should be having in a bar and I'm like,

well, why not? We're human beings. He's like, well, you know, I just, my opinions

are my opinions and I'm like, yeah, what are they? Well, I think it's okay. And I was like, oh, brother. And he's halfway pouring.

And you're like, stop. Stop, I gotta go. Went to a third place. Yes, I did. This is just like a street joke. No, it's not. I wish. I wish.

Yeah, and they were like, didn't you come in here? And you were like, I'm afraid not. Why the long face, Mark? So the third one I asked again, and he said the same thing. So I left, and I went to, this is more a story about my alcoholism. I went to a corner store. Just drank.

And I bought a bottle, and I walked up to the counter and I'm like, don't, don't ask. Yeah. Whatever you do, don't ask this guy's. This was the first

non-white man that I had run into so I asked him and he said nothing. He just stood there. And then I was like, oh, this is. I'm going to miss

Craig Ferguson, yeah. He's, he's not, he thinks I'm going to miss Craig Ferguson, yeah. He thinks I'm going to cause problems. Uh-huh. Right? So what's your feelings on Ferguson? He said nothing. And then I said, no, it's okay. It's safe.

You didn't say it's safe. I did. Dude, I don't know what was wrong with me this night. I could have just been at the first bar. Had a drink and gone to bed. And he nods yes. And then I was like, okay, I can buy a bottle off this guy. Go back to the hotel room. Didn't have a bottle opener.

Went to the front desk. No, I didn't even do that. I looked up on Google. How can you open? All you need is a cowboy boot oh great now you're gonna win a cow but first i googled hey google what do you think about this whole ferguson thing yeah google said that's not a question you should be asking i'm like oh i gotta go to yahoo now but you can put it in your shoe and smash it against the wall yeah but it

didn't work well i've seen that for opening a wine bottle. That was a- Yeah, it was a wine bottle. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm a classy gentleman. In the middle of the night. Okay. And so then I thought, well, I'll just push the cork down.

Right. Right. Well, then it explodes. Oh, no. So then it's just- It exploded all over. And then it went so there were like cork pieces. Yeah, no. So then it's just, oh. It exploded all over. And then it was so there were like cork pieces. Yeah, yeah.

And wine was all over the mirror. Then you're like, you're like filtering it out. Yeah. And I took a sip. I took a sip and I went to bed. I'm exhausted. I was battling racism all day. Yeah.

Good for you. That's not really good for me. It should have just been, shut up, Mark. Well, or just, you know. I don't know. It's weird that people are bartenders so racist. I thought I was in Seattle. I thought.

Yeah, it's like a pretty progressive town. Nope. Nope. Huh, weird. Not with bartenders anyway. They have their own. They have a union? Yeah. Nope. Nope. Huh. Weird. Not with bartenders, anyway. They have their own... They have a union. But I liked Seattle.

It was nice. Is that your first time in Seattle? It was my first time. It's too bad that it was so racist for you. Oh, well. What are you going to do? But on a normal day, you probably wouldn't ask such heated questions of your bartender. Well, I don't know.

That's, to me, I always think of bartender, the guy cleaning the glass, what's going on with you today, you know? Yeah. You think of Sam Malone. Yeah, I'm always thinking of Sam Malone or the guy in Deadwood, you know, who just gives you two shots of whiskey, right? But, you know, always cleaning the glass. We don't want no trouble here. You best not be asking me about Ferguson. I don't know.

I thought I was on some sort of holy mission. Really, it was just I was just trying to get a drink. Too many drinks. Yeah. Could have got killed. You know what I mean? No, but you didn't, though. Here you are many drinks. Yeah. Could have got killed. You know what I mean? No, but you didn't, though. Here you are.

I didn't. Could have gotten killed. Well, you know. It was a heated environment in my head. I think you're maybe overestimating the danger of asking a bartender something. He pulled a knife. Yeah. Each one of them pulled a bigger something. He pulled a knife. Yeah, each one of them

pulled a bigger knife. All three of them? Oh, this was in the Double Deuce, the movie, the bar from the Roadhouse. Yeah,

so it was, you know, everything was on the table. I had to kick and punch my way out. Yeah, no,

but it was stupid. I agree. Every time you asked about it, did you hear a record like come off the turntable? Everybody turns. That was the worst record sound I think I could ever do. It was like a raptor.

Well, I had those old metal records. Oh, yeah. Metal on metal. Hard to listen to. Yeah. It's hard to get into Neil Diamond when you can't hear him. Yeah, it was dumb.

And also online this past week, it was you who started the Promote a Canadian Comic. That was me. Hashtag. That was great. Oh, thanks.

That was really cool. Thanks. Because I didn't, I, you know how like if you sleep in on the moon or whatever,

you miss, like, well, you miss a couple hours you miss a lot so I just woke up and there was just like usually

the at replies on my twitter was two you know on a good day two people have written you know done something

and it was like 20 I was like oh what happened did I die yeah exactly oh is this heaven

why hasn't anybody vacuumed if this is heaven oh it's my own Oh, what happened? Yeah, exactly. Did I die? Yeah, exactly. Oh, is this heaven? Why hasn't anybody vacuumed if this is heaven? Oh, this is my own personal hell. Oh, after I die, I hope I can still check Twitter. Oh, you can, but you don't need a device. It's just, yeah. It's so beautiful. Oh, boy.

Yeah. But it had like a big effect in like people you were interviewed in a thing. Yeah, yeah. I think it was a good thing. I hope it continues. No one's going to keep promoting Canadian comedians. No. Well, it was funny.

Even on the day people were saying, there's too many to mention in one tweet, here's some. And I'm like, well, do two tweets. No, I'm in prison. I'm only, I've got one phone call or one Twitter message. It's like, just do it again. And then, you know what, do it tomorrow. Do it, just, yeah, yeah.

Nobody's stopping. Who's controlling this? This could be, this could be an ongoing thing. No, no, no. And what it came out of was, I've been watching lately how American comics are so great with each other when something comes out. Like when Chelsea Peretti's thing came out. They all tweet about it. They all say, go.

They don't even just do a retweet of her. They make up an actual tweet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They make their own bit.ly link. And say, go check this out. And I was like, why aren't we doing that? Yeah, why aren't we doing that? Yeah, and there you go.

Because we're stronger together than we are apart. Well, I don't know if you should be asking my opinion about that. Well, don't get me wrong. There's times where people promote someone, and I'm like, well, I can't get into that one. There's a, yeah, but it is, you're right. Like, I saw, there's a lot of stuff that I've heard of because of a tweet or something that somebody's like, can't wait to see Patton Oswalt's whatever.

Well, we can. Penis. I can. I'm in in between i haven't decided i'm not gonna write my own tweet about it but i'll retweet yours yeah so i just think yeah i just think it's a great we have this free tool that we can use to promote each other i don't know why we're not doing it yeah it doesn't make sense to me we're all just sitting around waiting for someone else to do it. Or we're too jealous to promote someone else's stuff thinking it's going to hurt us.

I don't know what it is. Wouldn't that be like if you went to a meeting at a TV network and they're like, well, we wanted to give you the show, but you seemed really keen on this other guy. So we just decided to give him the show. I mean, you were promoting his already existing album so we just uh we're gonna yeah buy it yeah we just thought man if you i mean we like you but if you like him he's gotta be the guy we're just gonna we're just gonna broadcast uh chelsea peretti's special we're just gonna uh record it with our phones well you think that, like, millennials,

when they go to prison, they get the one phone call? They're not going to know what to do. Is that not a thing? I don't think. The phone call? Yeah. The one phone call. Is it really a thing or not?

Come on. Well, how do you get your lawyer down there? I think you can take two phone calls. Oh, you think you have unlimited weekends and yeah yeah evenings and weekends you can call any of your five friends but do you you had to already have those programmed into your phone you can't make no no into the prison phone all right you call any of the five you can't be like no my lawyer's in my five everyone gets the same five yeah yeah the prison has has five people I guess the jail.

This is the difference. The jail's five. It's one lawyer. Who are they? The lawyer. Governor. For a last minute, stop the execution.

Governator. In case you need to exterminate the governor. Yeah. Let's see. Pizza delivery. Oh, and somebody on the governor. Yeah. Let's see. Pizza delivery. Oh, and somebody on the outside who can kill people for you. Because you're on the inside. Yeah.

Cakes with files in them. Delivery. Well, that's six. You got to take somebody out. I took one off. Okay. The middle one. Good.

So most people call the lawyer, I'm guessing. Yeah. Yeah. But he's the DA. He wants to lock you up. Because I don't know why I would call for a stay of execution if I just got taken in. That would just say I'm guilty. Yeah, I don't like my odds.

Governor speaking. He answers the don't like my odds. Governor speaking. He answers the phone. Go for governor. He answers it. Governor. You've got governor. Speed it up, I'm on a treadmill. He's just answering phones 24-7. Speed it up.

Speed it up. Speed it up. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, boy. Nothing. Nothing's ever going on with me. Nothing at all? Well, but here's what. Look, I say nothing, but then we spin gold out of something.

Purple stiltskin? Yeah yeah yeah It's been gold out of Very little happening to him On his podcast I think he kills her In the original Rumpel?

Yeah I think so Stiltskin? Yeah Yeah that sounds right Yeah I think he kills her Kills who? Goldilocks? Yeah who is it

In Rumpelstiltskin Cause it's I have no familiarity With Rumpelstiltskin Rip Van have no familiarity with Rumpelstiltskin, Rip Van Winkle. Rip Van Winkle is just a guy who wakes up after a long sleep. The king locks the girl in the tower. She has to spin her hair into gold. No, that's the Rapunzel.

That's a thing you're conflating to. Rapunzel Stiltskin? Hay into gold, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And then he comes along and says, hey. Hey there. Hey, pretty lady.

Hey, pretty lady. What's going on? And you are, and he goes, I can't say. You have to guess. You have to guess. And then he does it for her. And how do they guess his name? Well, he says, I'm going to take you first born.

Then she has a baby. That's a long story. Yeah, it is a long story. And then he comes to get it. And then he says, if you can guess my name in three guesses, then I'll give you. And so, yeah, she guesses. Pete. Yeah, Pete.

Steve. And then Rub yeah, she guesses. Pete. Yeah, Pete, Steve, and Rumpelstiltskin. Okay, the Pete? No. And he eats... She, like, really hustles him. She picks him up. She knew it all along. Steve?

No, Rumpelstiltskin. Yeah. But he kills the girl anyway? I think in the original, he kills her, or he eats the baby. In the original? Yeah. But he kills the girl anyway? I think in the original he kills her or he eats the baby. In the original? Yeah. But not in the... Well, all these fairy tales have original horrible, horrible, horrible storylines.

Oh, I don't watch Grandma. I watch Once Upon a Time. Like even Cinderella, I think, ends with someone eating her or killing her. They all end with the horrible, horrible things happening to the ladies. Yeah. Yeah. It was a different time. Oh, my God. They all end with the Horrible Horrible things happening To the ladies Yeah Yeah It was a different time Oh my god

Wasn't it You named your kid Rumpelstiltskin back then What do you want to name him Brian I don't know I had a I had an English teacher Named Rumpelstiltskin

And it impacted my life Well wait Is he going to be a baby stealer Yeah Yeah Okay then Yeah Humple Stealskin. Really impacted my life. Well, wait. Is he going to be a baby stealer? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, then. Yeah.

He's not going to steal himself, so it's that next generation's pro. Yeah. I think we should take care of our children, but not our children's children. No. Or the villagers' children's children. So, how do we start on this? We asked you what you're up to Oh yeah So it's Christmas time

Yeah This episode won't be out until December 8th Okay So get in the holiday spirit For when we talk about this right now Yeah Vancouver now has an all Christmas radio station Oh really?

Um, yeah. Okay. And it plays, uh, all your hits, you know. Run, run Rudolph. Yes. That's the only one. The Mariah Carey one. Yeah.

Yeah. The Jackson five Santa Claus is coming to town. Oh yeah. Run DMC. Christmas and Hollis. Christmas and Hollis. Yeah. Um, but you know what?

Before we started the show upstairs, you were talking about how there are so many movies now that you just like, there's so many new releases that you've never heard of. Yeah. This station has so many Christmas songs

I've never heard of. Oh, yeah. Like, it's got the 10 classic Christmas songs and then a bunch of like, women I've never heard of singing songs that are just like, called This Christmas

or The Season's Time. Last Christmas. Yeah. No, that's Last Christmas heard of singing songs that are just like called this christmas or uh the season's time last christmas yeah no that last christmas was a good song oh yeah that's right yeah um if i wham yeah yeah wham uh um and it's just like i wonder what the last because they're all they're pretty much all from the 90s yeah they're like marina mckay with with city streets yeah yeah i love that one but it's like about snow on the city streets and there's a homeless person and she helps them and it's christmas yeah and they have way too many verses it's like and then on the 18th of december i did this thing, and I wasn't feeling great. I called in sick. I had some bad eggnog.

But it's, yeah, there's so much filler. I could literally listen to the 10 or 20 great Christmas songs over and over again. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I could. Are you a Christmas girl? Yeah, I like it. I like it. I like it.

It's, yeah, I like the 70s and up, I think. 70s and earlier or later? You're not big on the 50s with the choir and the men and women choir. Yeah, no, no, like the old ones I can't. But what about like the Holly Jolly Christmas and Jingle Bell Rock? What about Bing? Yeah, I don't know. Because every time I hear Bing Crosby, I remember he beat his kids up. So that makes you want to listen to it more.

Yeah, because then I line up pictures of his kids. Like, you got yours. No, yeah, I think I like the more modern ones. I think I've heard the classics so much that I can't absorb them anymore. What about New Shoes? Have you ever heard that one? Christmas Shoes, yeah. Christmas Shoes?

Yeah, that's the worst thing in the world. Yeah, yeah, I like it. Oh, my God. There's a movie based on that song. Does it start at Dean Cain? Maybe. It's got to be a dean cain vehicle well there's a dean cain one where he's like uh uh you know a bunch of i think it's the who's the

painter of light thomas kincaid yeah it's a thomas kincaid christmas i think it's yeah and they're all like stuck in a lodge and they need uh superman to come i uh I have to look up the Christmas shoes. I asked for suggestions of horrible Christmas movies to watch. And I got so many that I've never heard of. I guess they just churn them out. They're super cheap to produce. Yeah, Lifetime and that kind of stuff. Yeah.

And Christmas Shoes was one of the ones That people were like You gotta watch this one Also Christmas Shoes stars Rob Lowe Oh Rob Lowe And Kimberly Williams Paisley Who's that? She's married to Brad Paisley Oh

She was the daughter and father of the bride Oh yeah I remember You should watch Alf's Christmas Is that a That's a real one I would watch that Yeah

It's about a girl That's dying as well No way In a hospital Really Yeah Does Elf Elf goes to talk to her Like he's like

You're not gonna make it Let me use my special E.T. powers Wait I don't have There's a whole scene Where she's afraid That she's gonna die Talking to a fucking puppet

And then He leaves And you know she's gone And he has like Talking to a fucking puppet. And then he leaves. You know she's gone. And he has like, I hate when they put tears on Muppets. He has a tear? He has a tear rolling down his face. Oh, gross. And she dies.

She dies in the elf Christmas. Ha, I killed her. Oh. Ha, I killed her. I watched one called, what is it called? Christmas in Wonderland. And it takes place in Edmonton. Okay.

Patrick Swayze's in it. He's the dad. Great. And Wonderland is West Edmonton Mall. And West Edmonton Mall is Wonderland. But there's no place in West Edmonton Mall called Wonderland, is there? No. Yeah, so it's very weird, and when you see the mall from the outside, you're like, that's not what West Edmonton Mall looks like, but inside, the rest of the movie takes place

inside West Edmonton Mall. Yeah. Chris Kattan's in it. The fat guy from Jackass is in it. Okay. Carmen Electra's in it. What? Yeah.

It's crazy. It's probably the worst Christmas movie I've in it. Okay. Carmen Electra is in it. What? Yeah. It's crazy. It's probably the worst Christmas movie I've ever seen. Wow. But I also watched Christmas with the Cranks in the same evening.

Mm-hmm. And? You know, you can space these out. Nope. There's a lot of them and I gotta get them done before Christmas.

Oh. Oh, this was recently? Yeah. It wasn't in July? No. Next year, you'll start in July. Christmas with the Cranks. Do you know what the premise of that one is? Who. It wasn't in July? No. Next year, you'll start in July. Christmas with the Cranks.

Do you know what the premise of that one is? Who are the Cranks in that? Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis. They're spelled with a K, right? Yes. Yeah. Good, good. And they decide they're not going to do Christmas this year.

Good for them. Which is nothing. That's a non-thing that nobody cares about. Is Crank a Jewish name? Oh, yeah. Crankstein. is nothing that's a non-thing that nobody cares about crank a jewish name uh oh yeah crankstein um so then everybody gets up in their business they're like you gotta celebrate christmas it's really terrible and they're the cranks exactly and then they their daughter decides to come home and so they gotta put on a Christmas party the last second even though their daughter like

what does she expect she just says I'm just coming home all of a sudden and they're like if I don't feel the magic of the season you have no daughter then for no reason the whole movie is them putting together this party

and then there's a character that everybody's like hey who's that guy that just showed up at the party who's that strange guy and like in your head you're like it's santa just get to the part where he's santa but he's a skinny old guy and he's at the party remember he's got nothing better to do right now yeah and so he sent it has no impact on the film at all except that the last

second he sent and then you're like but he didn't help anything right he was just there he was present at the party

how did he tell the elves listen here there's a party down in this suburban neighborhood these crank folk I'm gonna go crash it just gonna go hang out there for a bit down in this suburban neighborhood. I'm going to go crash it. I'm just going to go hang out there for a bit.

Was the party on Christmas Eve? Yeah. That's what I don't like in movies. No one throws a Christmas party on Christmas Eve. No. Everybody else has stuff to do. Yeah, everyone has to be around their family. And then...

Or they're traveling. Or... It's like... A million ors. Yeah. It's like, or like. A million ors. Yeah. It's like, well, you're really waiting for the last minute to throw your Christmas party? Yeah. There's one part where like firemen show up and then they're helping to like trim the

tree. And Cheech Marin is a cop for no reason. Like they could have cast anybody. Cheech Marin. Sounds like there's no plot. Oh, there's. Oh, really? And then at the end, you're like, it says it's based on a book.

The Bible. And the book was written by John Grisham. Jesus. So, it's special. It's special. It's probably just filled with a whole bunch of artificial heightened suspense. Yeah. Oh, we gotta get out of here.

We don't have eggnog. Southern lawyers. Yeah, you read the book and it's just about a trial. And they're like, hey, wait a minute. There's one line in it where they're like,

yeah, we're just gonna skip Christmas this year. Filmmakers zeroed in on that. Oh, man. That sounds terrible. Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, there's minor characters

from the movie got a spin-off, or from the book got a spin-off movie. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. Like how the Scorpion King got a whole movie

out of the mummy. Yeah. That was weird. The book, the mummy. And the other Christmas thing I i noticed uh was uh i was watching a commercial for walmart yeah and uh they had an ad for christmas gifts as low as nine dollars like why why the cutoff it's like why do you decide what i can give as a christmas gift oh where they're like oh they're saying this this counts as a christmas. Oh, where they're like, oh, they're saying this counts as a Christmas gift.

Yeah. Anything below $9 is not. Yeah, you're just buying socks. Like, those aren't a Christmas gift. Those aren't Christmas socks. Those are just... Those aren't Christmas shoes. Utilitarian socks.

Yeah. Or, like, what is the... Those Lifesavers books. Those can't cost $9. Yeah. And that's a gift. Mm-hmm. Clearly, those weren't meant

to just buy yourself And eat them all No stocking stuffers Yeah Yeah Walmart Yeah come on Walmart I think I'm on to them

I think they may not be The most like People positive company I've never heard anything Before this Be careful where you tread Is it Walmart people positive company. I've never heard anything before this. Be careful where you tread here, man. Is it Walmart that has the ads with Anthony Anderson and... Ray Rice?

Are you just doing alliteration names? We did all this last week. Yeah, that's true. We talked about Alf, we talked about ALF we talked about alliteration I can talk about ALF every week

I'm fine with that um and uh Sabrina the Teenage Witch oh Melissa Joan Hart yeah have you seen those ads I don't know

they make it look like it's a talk show they're trying to fool you into thinking that it's like a Melissa Joan Hart show no kind of more like a... The Melissa Joan Hart Show? No, kind of more like a Kelly and Michael Strahan.

Okay. And it's like they... Maybe it's Walmart. I'm not sure. Anyways, it's a weird series of commercials where they're trying to trick you into thinking like, remember your favorite co-hosts? All right. Anthony Anderson and Melissa Joan Hart. And you're like, yeah, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I remember that. Yeah, okay. And then they talk about the holiday season. How you need to spend $13 on a Christmas present. Yeah, $9 is the cutoff. Anything lower than nine. Oh, yeah, it's like those Secret Santa things where it's like,

you can't spend more than $20 on a present, but you can't spend less than nine. Jeff. It9. Jeff. It's always Jeff. Key chain. Hey, Christmas keys. I hate Secret Santa. What?

I do. But I just think that. I think we need to reawaken him to the spirit of the Secret Santa season. I love giving people presents. I really do. But I don't like being forced to Right I don't like that

You don't like the Especially if it's like a workplace Because there's people at your work You don't want to give Yeah A present to And they might get yours That person might

Oh yeah That's true I've never worked in a workplace though No Where they did that They did that No Well God bless you For never having to work a day Soft hands I've never worked in a workplace, though. No? Where they did that. They did that? No.

Well, God bless you for never having to work a day. Soft hands. Soft. Soft as a satin pillow, I tell you. Because you've never a Secret Santa shopped. Yeah. One time I had a boss who gave me a Christmas present, and I was so taken aback. Did you cry on your Muppet face?

And then my boss died. What did he give you? It was just, it was like. What did she give you? Yeah, women can be bosses too. That's true. I hate that. You can make someone feel so shitty in a heartbeat. That's my specialty.

Anyway, what did the dog give you? Dogs can be bosses too. That's true. That is true. It was just a gift card to a liquor store. Oh, nice. And I was like, but I expected nothing. So getting something, I was just like.

It's a $2 gift card. Yeah, exactly. And you gave in return. What did I? No, I didn't have anything on me. Yeah, exactly. So you played your drum. Yeah.

Yeah, but I just find like if you give someone something and they give it back, to me it just even like you've done nothing. Yeah, it's just like we have a $20 limit.

Here's your $20 gift. Here's your $20 gift. Well, why didn't I just not, why did that happen? Yeah. That's how I was. I think it's because people like opening up a present i think that's it and there was a store where you could go in

and there was just presents yeah and like and it was like these are 12 presents these are 20 dollar presents you don't know what it is oh but it's for secret santa it's not just for you to go home and have the joy you could you could just buy a present on. Oh, but it's for Secret Santa. It's not just for you to go home and have the joy. No, but you could. You could just buy a present on the way home. There's no rules. We don't follow you home. But it's not like there is something inside. Yeah, there's something inside. It's not like an explosive goes off.

Not like a big one, but like, you know, springy snakes. Just like the... So there's bum gifts mixed amongst the good ones. No, I just don't mean I mean like Just to keep it interesting You're paying $12 For the joy of opening a present

There's nothing in there but No yeah no It's There's something in there But you don't know what it is You just know it's a $12 gift You bought it for yourself On the way home from work

I was gonna swing by the gift store Pick myself something up nice Or something I hate And then you open it what are you doing tonight unwrapping yeah i think people would go for that yeah it sounds crazy but also the fact that there are costume stores that are open all year round it's crazy this is true you know what i mean this is true what are they doing? The fact that they have to come up with different things like St. Patrick's Day.

People dress up for that, right? I don't know. Let's put a headband with antennae that are clovers. Go get your New Year's costume. A Remembrance Day section in the one I went into. Was it solemn? It was pretty solemn. Yeah. There was a lot of poppy paraphernalia.

There was a guy. Remembrance Day glasses that just say never forget. There was a guy Remembrance Day glasses that spelled remember. But it also was a straw

that you could drink your beer. It spelled the year 1914 or 1918 or whatever. Did you hear about the guy this past remembrance day who wore like a fake costume like or a fake uniform and like they interviewed him on tv like what does remembrance day mean to you and he said whatever he was dressed like a military but people saw it on tv and they're like that's not quite the way you wear those things

yeah they're like you're wearing this jacket with this hat you're mixing and matching together and then and he also had a beard yeah which we were like not a lot of beards in the middle it's just a random interview yeah and then man on the street and then so they but at the cenotaph like he was posing as a soldier and then they showed like pictures of his wedding and he wore that to his wedding. No. Yes. So like they looked into who he is and they blurred out everyone from his wedding except him and his wife.

She was in on it. Yeah. She signed an agreement. Yeah. You can show my husband being crazy on television with me standing beside him. Sure. Where do I sign? Here?

We're members of the KISS army. Trust me, you won't get the best man. He will not sign this. But, you know, maybe he was told to buy something formal and he was like. He took it. Yeah. He's like, these are military formals. It's good.

Creative black tie. Creative black tie. I don't know what happened with that guy. I know people were really mad at him for a few days. But it wasn't anything like he wasn't brought in as a military specialist or anything. They were just like, hey, you there. You're obviously in the military. He's like, are you sure to think i am like thank you thank you so much and what is this uh what are these honors well this is from uh the time i defeated the cardassians

one of them was like a sewing badge that's what first tipped them off this is a communicator this is when I ate an entire giant burger at a place at a place yeah so what's up with you? well you know I've been watching those Christmas movies

oh really? yep I've been really doing that. How many times have you cried? Zero times so far. That's good. But you know what? Do you cry at any Christmas movies? Probably not Christmas movies, but I'll tear up at a flick.

Yeah. I went to see Ender Sneller the other day. I had a little tearing up in there. Oh. Yeah? Yeah. But what are the Crying Christmas ones The Grinch

When his heart grows Yeah Home Alone With the old man With the old man And the old woman too I get teary at Ernest Saves Christmas

Cause he's not He's no longer with us Oh right You're Jim Varney So just overall You get sad he's gone I get sad when Hans Gruber dies.

Yeah. And when the Gremlins 2. Is that Gremlins 2? Is that the Christmas one or Gremlins 1? Gremlins 1. That's the Christmas one. Remember when he sang in Ernest Goes to Camp? No.

Sure I'm Glad It's Raining? Is it like a... It's an actual song he sings in that movie. And he's looking out the window and he's crying and it's raining. I don't know if I can handle it. I think I would really... I'm glad it's raining. Oh, wow.

No one sees the something in your eyes. Wow. It's this real... I'm getting sad hearing about it. It's this real normal song in the middle of Ernest Costigan. I don't remember that. Look it up. I will.

Believe me, I will. And then I wrote last night, I was thinking about Jim Varney, and I wrote on Twitter. I was like, I sincerely miss Jim Varney. I thought you were going to say, I wrote a fan letter to Jim Varney. Well, this is the weirdest thing. Dear Jim, in heaven. I wrote. Dear Jim, who art in heaven.

I sincerely miss jim varney and then jim varney's nephew wrote back to me and was like he was like oh you might be interested like he wrote a book about uh jim varney see if you can guess the title uh-huh get one shot at it goes to both the importance of being earnest? That is correct. Oh, wow. David's correct. Wow.

Runner up, though. Ernest goes to book. So, Jim Varney wrote a book, or Jim Varney's nephew wrote a book? Jim Varney's nephew wrote a book. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, tell all about his uncle. But he's got a Twitter alert set so he can get people to buy it. I guess, so he can peddle this book.

I don't know, man. I'm going to buy it. So it worked. I believe you. So it worked. How many followers does Ernest's nephew have? I can look it up right now. Thank you.

Did you start following him? I should, hey? Yeah, I think you should. Give can look it up right now. Thank you. Did you start following him? I should, hey? Yeah, I think you should. Give him a plug here. Yeah. Is his last name Barney? Yes. Ernest's nephew goes to...

I don't think it would... Ernest... No, Ernest goes to book is the best possible title for that. He has 1,062 followers. Okay, that's good. He's cracked four figures. Yeah, that's all right

for being the nephew of someone. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. There's some Canadian comics that don't have 1,000 followers. Well, they're not getting promoted enough. Promote them. Promote a nephew of a guy.

Promote your nephew of a dead guy. That's my new hashtag. long ago did he die? Oh boy I would say Either 1997 Or 2013 He died After the second Toy Story movie That much I know

Because he wasn't in the third. He wasn't in the third, but the guy, what's his name? Blake something. Did his voice? Does the voice of the slinky dog now. How sad is that? I didn't even notice. He's doing the same voice.

It's not like when Jim Henson died and all the Muppets started sounding weird. And still to this day, they never corrected it? Yeah, especially the old guys. Yeah. The Stadler brothers? Jim. Yeah. Are they the Stadler brothers?

Stadler and Waldorf. Stadler and Waldorf. Craig Stadler. Who are the Stadler brothers? That's a country music band. I believe they sang Elvira. No, it was the Oak Ridge Boys. God damn it!

Jim Varney died in a year. Any guesses? Did you guys have guesses? 2002. 2006. 2000. $1. $1.

What? He died in the year one. 2000? Yeah. Oh, right on the cusp. But do you know how that got started, the Ernest thing? How what got started? The character. It? It was a How what got started? The character

It was in commercials, right? Yeah Yeah For like beer No, this agency Created this character with him Uh-huh And then they regionally sold it to different companies

Huh So he endorsed like Roofing Roofing company And then the next state it was a beef company and the next state it was a beer company because those national commercials were beer weren't they i don't know that he ever did any oh he did national commercials well at first it was all regional and then as he got more popular and then they decided to make a movie of him but that's why it was popular because

it was like oh earnest he was the guy who used to do roy's tire shop commercials and he would just go and do the same character yeah you can't do that now but yeah you can oh i guess the same i i mean i would mean they made a geico tv show the caveman tv show oh yeah that's true yeah that was and then he made a movie with the gecko so there's two examples of commercials going to two series or film yeah that's true we need a third yeah well come on well there were the um there was the where's the two can sam video game what about there was the cool spot video game yeah fido died oho. He had his own TV show. He was a 7-Up character.

But he's a cartoon, right? Yeah, but still. I mean, what are we now? Are we going to split hairs? No, but then you could... I don't know. Wasn't Ernest kind of a cartoon? I think that Flo character

was in another movie. There was an Ernest Saturday morning kid show. I could have written this biography. Wow. It seems like I know a lot. Yeah, you know a lot about Ernest cartoon? There was an Ernest Saturday morning kid show. I could have written this biography. Wow. It seems like I know a lot. Yeah, you know a lot about Ernest. Weird. And Billy Bob Thornton was like one of his best friends.

Okay. In life or on the show? In life. Okay. No, and he was also Vern. But Billy Bob sounded too fake. So we're going to call you Vern. We never got to see Vern, did we?

No. Oh, I wonder what he's up to. Oh, you have. He married Norm from Cheers' Wife. Yeah, Vern and Vera. Yes, the off-camera characters. These are like, we talk about the same things in every show. Okay, sorry.

I was, sorry. Was there an off-camera character, an elf that we never saw? Yeah, the puppeteer. No. Was there a Mr. Aquamanic? Yeah, there was a Mr. Aquamanic. Did we see him though? Yeah.

Was he Jerry Seinfeld's dad? No. No, that was, yeah, that's right. It was his mom. Yeah. And then it was, yeah, like a very kind of... He's like a character actor. Yeah.

A lot of stuff. Yeah. And apparently, somebody was telling Kevin Banner, past guest Kevin Banner, about that article I read about Elf. I can't tell enough people about it. And then he said that Willie had like Some kind of crazy Like There's a crack

Out of it Or smoked angel dust Or something like that He had to be on something Yeah Right Yeah he just He was too vibratey

He was too He was too Vibratey I thought he just He seemed like He was pulsating I just thought he Before every take

He stood in one of those Like 50s Cellulite vibrating things. He was so agitated. Wow, Elf. No end of agitation. Elf never helped out with anything. Do you want to move on to overheards?

Yeah, but after this quick message. Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported by Eli Mason, making handcrafted cocktail mixers in Nashville, Tennessee. New York City. Now, these are, they're not cocktail mixers like a thing that you put a cocktail in and then it mixes it. Because that's what I thought it was at first. Oh, like a Jetsons thing. Yeah, like a, you know, like a mixer. Like a mixer. No, like a mix master.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought. Like you put all Like a mixer. No. Oh, like a mix master? Yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. Like you put all the ingredients in. These are things you mix with alcohol to make a cocktail. Hey, you're going to make an old-fashioned, ugh. You got to make your own simple syrup. You got to find bitters somewhere. Just get a mixer pack from Eli Mason.

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So whoop-de-doo And hickory dock Don't forget to hang up your sock Man, that's the laziest Still the laziest still the laziest christmas song ever written uh but you can uh uh a very uh creative and um uh innovative gift yeah i don't know about innovative uh but uh uh sort of unexpected and a pleasant surprise would be hey get someone those cocktail mixers yeah uh and if you're in can, you can go to thecraftybartender.com to get discounts on Eli Mason products through 2014.

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so far, Bullseye managed to remind me why I love music. Thanks, Jesse, and thank you, Bill Withers. Bullseye, your guide to what's good from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Welcome to the Lady to Lady Show. Behind door number one, we have fantastic weekly guests like Aisha Tyler, French Stewart, Greta, and more. Behind door number two,

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They're not real because we're a podcast. You're all winners. And we didn't really think this through. Lady to lady. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. A segment in which we hear the things that the kids of the world sing. Oh, yeah.

This is a very special one. And then we report them back here on the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest. Would you like to lead the charge in Overheard? All right. We'll start with Dave and come back around to you. Mine was an overseen. There wasn't like a specific funny thing that happened.

It was just I have no idea what I saw. Okay. Because I was walking the dog one night. It was like 8 o'clock. It was dark out. And I could hear that song song uh summer girls by lfo oh yeah new kids on the block had a bunch of his chinese i could hear it from a great distance and so i i naturally ran towards it walked towards it and uh uh when i eventually got there there was a car parked on the sidewalk like a volkswagen jetta parked on the sidewalk running uh with nobody in the car and the the

driver's side door open wow uh cranking summer girls by lfo so i like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch. Yeah. Weird, because that song wouldn't have been on the radio. So that was a song they were playing on purpose. Probably on a mixtape. Do you think that they forgot something? Or were they robbing somebody? Yeah.

You don't pull up on the sidewalk if you forgot your coat. No, that's true. You don't jump out of the car. Was there a crime that was being committed? Yeah. Had someone been pulled out of the car? Musically, yes. But, yeah, I guess like...

Did you wait around? No. Yeah, it's best not to be a witness. Yeah, exactly. Or a victim. Yeah, that's true. You know, it's best not to be a witness yeah exactly or a victim yeah that's true uh you know it's yeah i would have i guess i would have gone to check out why that music was playing but it feels like a very specific it seems also like not incredibly uncommon for someone to just leave their car running and get out of it like considering that these things can just be

driven by anyone very very uncommon no i see it like really i don't see it all the time but you see it all the time i don't i told you but i see i'd say you know once a month like 90 percent 90 percent of the time every time here's four out of five dentists see it 90 of the time wow now here's a weird thing that i see a lot of and i don't know if this is in every city so i want to you don't want to be racist to the cities yeah and i also just i want to take a survey of other people denizens of other cities all right what cities have you lived in uh i've lived in Toronto. Yeah. I've spent a lot of time in Halifax. There you go. So I have two cities.

Like old dudes sitting in their car just reading a book. Have you seen that a lot? Yes. That's weird, right? Yes. Like, is that somebody that's like, I can't stand my wife, just going to go sit in the car and read a book? That seems crazy to me abby my wife is uh learning to drive she's she's uh got a test coming up soon good luck uh thanks and she's so we've

been going to uh like parking lots so she can like try parking yeah like let's go in backwards you're using the old men reading books as pilots. Well, there's so many where she's like, okay, I'm going to park next to that car. Oh, wait, there's someone in it. And there's like, in a parking lot, 90% of the cars have someone just sitting inside. Parking lots have a lot of people just sitting in their cars. Yeah. And it's very eerie. Like, what are you waiting for?

Yeah. Your life is ending. I remember just as a kid, like, my dad would go run errands, and then I'd just have to sit in the car. Oh, I remember that as well. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We'd be left in the car all the time. Yeah.

Yeah. That doesn't happen anymore. No, that seems like a recipe for kidnapping, right? Yeah. A running car. Yeah. Leave it running. Yeah.

Running car, children in it. Leave it running. Yeah. Running car. Children in it. Stupid kids inside. Yeah. Super hot day. Yeah. Your dad said I was supposed to give you these Slurpees. Oh, I locked the door.

My dad said that? Thanks, dad. Imagine that was just real. Why is dad being so awesome today? Imagine that guy didn't kidnap them and he just left and then dad came back

hey can you take these slurpees out to my kids dad came back did you get those slurpees out of that town best dad ever I also remember as a kid

like this must be just a pre cell phone thing of just like oh my uh you know

soccer practice is over i'll just wait here for 45 minutes until one of my parents shows up yeah then you and you had no way to contact them yeah and you were like told hey never just be in this place yeah and you were just wearing soccer cleats so you couldn't walk like You're like, maybe I'll walk. Nah, I can't. I can't. I've only got this one outfit. Well, pretty much from after school till dinner, right?

They didn't know where I was. Yeah. Right? You just knew I had to be home at dinner. That's when you could really get into some monkey shots. You could get into some monkey shots. Get into some monkey shots. Oh, my God.

I love this song. It's really great. It's really great for when you're doing crimes. I'm going to get into some. My Overheard. Is that a real song? No. But when you sing it low like that, it does sound like it.

Monkey Shines and doing crimes. Everybody knows that everybody's dead. I left my car parked on the sidewalk. Guest MC. Sorry, guys. When the beaten jam is in me, it comes out. When the beaten jam is in you? The beaten jam.

Sorry. No. My overheard comes from Being on a Greyhound bus Where did it all go wrong for you? When did it go right? That's the question I was on

When was this? This was this past weekend I was in Tofino And then I drove I did a show in Tofino And then I drove to Did you go surfing? in Tofino and then I drove to. Did you go surfing? No.

Okay. Yeah. The whole show was on surfboards. It was the first outdoor surfboard only. Oh my God. It was a whole crowd on surfboards. Yeah. It was really crazy.

Wow. And cold. It was so cold and nobody laughed because everybody was so conscious of how cold they were. Oh no. But that's why Letterman keeps it so cold in his studio. Yeah. Yeah. But he doesn't keep it wet

in the studio. That's the other part of it. How did you keep the amp and the mic? I was just through one of those things, like old-timey movie director. Oh, old-timey. You just had a megaphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice. Didn't pay anything. Box of deer, Wes. Hey there, everybody. You cannot talk like that when you use one of those. So then I took a bus to Victoria to see my grandmother who lives there. So that was the easiest way to do it, was to take a bus from Nanaimo and have whatever, however badly people behave on airplanes, it just pales in comparison to how badly people behave on buses.

Well, people that end up on buses have made a lot of bad choices to begin with. Yes. So they're not going to stop making bad choices once they're on the bus. It just continues. Yeah. When you get out of prison, isn't that what they give you is a ticket on the bus? Yeah, that's true. And one phone call. One more's true. And one phone call.

One more phone call. One last phone call. Do you want your last phone call? No, I'd like to leave. You can give it to a friend. Yeah, so you can get two. Hand it into one of your... Two phone calls in prison equal one text.

One of your stool pigeons. So these two dudes got on and uh they were you know they didn't want to sit next to each other because then they might go gay i guess so they one sat in front and the other guy sat behind but they still had a conversation as if they were sitting together right and uh this was the opening salvo Of the conversation The one guy said God I wish I had a magazine So I could rub one out I was like

God What the fuck And then his friend White sports illustrator And his friend went Yeah I know Like I hear ya Also it's 1975

Also use your imagination Yeah Come on we're all in the bus Let's all rub one out You've got a window on the bus You can There's a whole world to rub one out to Beautiful scenery

You've got the whole world to rub one out to That should go on a greeting card Yeah You've never the whole room to rub one out to. That should go on a greeting card. You've never rubbed one out. You rub one out over a mountain. Yeah, just over nature. Or if you look out the left side of the plane, there's the Grand Canyon. I know what you're thinking, fellas.

And go for it. There's so many things wrong with that from beginning to end. Yeah. Even, oh, just to say those words. I was so shocked when I heard it. I was like, I kept running the sentence back. I was like, is there a way that I misheard? Yeah.

Are there words that you could switch out? Well, yeah. Like, there was a while where i didn't know the difference between laying pipe and laying cable the one means having sex and the other means going to the bathroom and so i was i was using them wrong but also i didn't even know laying cable was going to the bathroom but also i never use them. Which part?

Which way is the back way? The back way? Yeah. But. So you say I'm going to go lay some cable? Yeah. Okay. I don't say it.

No, no. But when I'm hanging out with greyhound types. Yeah. Speaking of people who don't want to sit sit or like are sitting uncomfortably either too close or too far from each other i had to renew my driver's license yeah and uh the way it's set up uh in the office is like they have you take a number and then they the numbers come up on a board and half of the seats can't see the board. So everyone is sitting on like, sitting like super close together and there's a bunch of empty seats.

Right. And then there was a couple sitting next to me as I was waiting and they were making out at the TMV. Oh, Jesus. Why not? You're there anyways, right? And like loud. Oh, yeah. It's anyways, right? And like loud. Oh, yeah.

It's always. Loud making out? Suction noises. Yeah. My overheard would also be, was it more over, I was overheard. All right. All right. Go for it.

But I was on a bus as well. It's a little bus. I took a bus for the first time in a long time. The first time ever. It's disgusting. Oh. It's a horrible experience. These couple beside me had the biggest bag of

grapes. The biggest bag of grapes I've ever seen. And they both had their bare feet. So their bare feet and they're eating this giant... Oh, they're probably going to stop and make some wine. And I mean like a giant... That's what I was hoping. It wasn't that long a trip, but I was hoping it would ferment in time.

So they're eating this Big Mac grapes. Anyway, the girl sitting beside me stood for about a half hour. Right. Just right beside me. Just standing there. So I started tweeting about this bus ride right as you do because you're bored yeah shitting all over the people on it telling them they're terrible people so i get off the bus and uh i show i look at my twitter, someone from the bus responded to me and said, I saw you on the bus.

We're not all that gross. The thing is, I'm nobody. I never get recognized. No one ever says, hey, you're a comedian. Nothing. I'm being an asshole on a bus. That's the time. Yeah. You look at it, it's at grapes later. You're like, oh, no. Says hey you're a comedian Nothing I mean an asshole on a bus That's the time Yeah

You look at it It's at grapes lady You're like No No Grapes lady Are you 100% sure That it was someone on the bus

Or just someone fucking with you No it was Cause I looked at her thing And she was from the area And Wow She seemed like a bus type Yeah

She was rubbing one out Yeah Yeah She was rubbing one out Yeah Yeah she was rubbing one out Of a magazine She was smart though Right Because she had the magazine She had the magazine

She wasn't just sitting there Wishing She had some forethought I'm getting on a bus I need a magazine Do they mean Do they mean like I wish I had a magazine

To cover up the Laptop The act of Rubbing Rubbing one out A laptop where I can Actually watch pornography I wish I had a magazine to cover up the laptop. The active rubbing one off. The laptop where I can actually watch pornography. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from around the world. Thank you.

If you want to send them in, you can send them in to spy at maximumfund.org. And this first one comes from Elaine K. This is a sign for a business. And pretty good, pretty clever business name as they go. And she included a picture because otherwise I wouldn't have believed it. But it's a sign for a caulking company called Macaulay Caulking. And there's a picture of him and then the phone number. Oh, there's a picture of Macaulay Culkin

oh he can sue them oh he totally can with his hands on his cheeks shooting out cocking out of his mouth we got in a lot of trouble for that sign

people don't know what it means oh it would be great if it was like a real like a sign that actually shot cocking out At passers by It moved His hands went up to his face and down

And just a little cocking comes out Cocking coming out of his eyes Like play-doh That's gotta be illegal In every way Everything about it is illegal Right Yeah

But it's great It's a good idea Yeah it's great that somebody Cause you know What are the chances He's gonna sue Pretty low And also

He's a listener of the show He's been a long time fan of the show Also Can I point out I've never heard of a caulking company No me neither Like They come by your house

And they seal up Uh Drafty Windows or whatever I don't What does a caulking company do They sell you caulk I think they do Don't they do They manufacture caulk Why don't't... What does a caulking company do? They sell you caulking? I think they do.

Don't they do... They manufacture caulking? If I didn't go directly to the caulking company, I would go to a hardware store if I needed caulking. Yeah, do it yourself, right? Yeah.

Well, you've never been to a caulking store or a vacuum cleaner store? Yeah, or a vacuum cleaner store. Oh, I don't even know how you live your life. Apparently not to the fullest. This next one comes from a lady who didn't... she doesn't want her name identified because it's about the place that she works at but it's not

bad thing uh-huh but it's a pg does she did she mention the name she of the place she works at no but it's a toy store and it uh and it's like i don't know how many toys stores are there yeah right that's it so she works at toys yeah i won't say her name but i will verify And it's like, I don't know. How many toys stores are there? Toys R Us. Yeah, right? And that's it. So she works at Toys R Us. Yeah. I won't say her name, but I will verify that it's Toys R Us. Yeah, it's Toys R Us.

Debbie. That's also her name. Yeah. I recently started a new job at a toy company where we make toys. Toys R Us. Oh, they don't make toys at Toys R Us. No, they don't. They make cocking.

Yeah. That seems... It seems weird. Yeah. All of a sudden, Macaulay Culking makes a lot of sense. So they make toys at this place. Okay. My first week, I was walking down a hallway.

It must be so much fun to work at a toy shop. She works at Santa's workshop that's why she didn't want to be identified yeah sure is her name like cinnamon or yeah yeah she's a stripper that works in the off season well they do have a pole

um and I passed by one of the sales managers in a conversation about a past brand we did. And the timing, as I went by, was just enough to hear him say, yeah, Spider-Man took a huge shit. I haven't seen any of the most recent movies, but there's a good chance that he's laying some cable. Laying some web cable. Laying web.

I'd love it if they had a scene in one of those. He's taking a shit. He's just on the toilet. Oh, yeah. Why don't they green screen it? There's not actually a toilet. Pretend you're sitting on a toilet. Yeah, and just trouble happens then.

Oh, yeah. He's like, not now. I always thought it would be funny if. Not now. Superman. Because like, he's allergic to, what's it called? Kryptonite? Yeah.

It's the allergic. It's the allergic to peanuts. If he was like, it just like, if there's kryptonite around, he gets weaker. But it's not like, like an actual allergy where he gets hives or he just barfs or I'm super bloated. Was there kryptonite in that? Oh, yeah. Is this kryptonite free bread? Oh, guys, I can't make it up tonight.

The menu didn't say kryptonite on it, but definitely a kryptonite. I read a comic, like somebody drew a comic about Superman and Lois Lane's first night together having sex. Right. And they get undressed in front of each other. And then Superman pulls down his pants and Lois Lane is like, ah, what's that? That's with penis. She's like, why does it have pincers? And he's like, don't hold on to your drink, because he's an alien that's my penis. She's like, why does it have pincers? And he's like, to hold on to your drink, because he's an alien. That's right.

Yeah, like he would have weird outer space gentle tail. The idea of Superman doing anything mundane or banal is like the funniest thing. I thought you can do that With like I always think about like Hitler having like One ball Dessert You know what I mean Or

He goes for an ice cream call Do you want nuts on that Yeah I would Yeah in his crazy outfit What do you want to watch tonight I don't know What do you What do you want to watch tonight

Well there is only one channel Yeah And it's I'm on it Yeah I don't know. What do you want to watch? Well, there is only one channel. Yeah. And it's I'm on it. Yeah. I don't know. Something by Riefenstahl. This last one comes courtesy of this gentleman's girlfriend is a first grade teacher. And at the beginning of the calendar year.

They're the real heroes. Exactly. Except my first grade teacher didn't like her my first grade teacher i well she was a grade one teacher for one thing yeah mine was a smoker really yeah i just remember yeah like that olive skin like from like it's from smoking yeah yeah okay you can tell a lifetime smoker by the color of their skin? Oh, yes. Yeah. Also, they have a wrinkle that nobody else gets. They get this vertical line on their lip from where they hold their cigarette. Oh, really?

Like Joaquin Phoenix. Huh. Exactly. Well, he was a handsome man before he started smoking. He must have really smoked a lot for such a young man. Cigars. Industrial exhaust pipes. He'd smoke anything. For such a young man. Cigars. Industrial exhaust pipes.

He'd smoke anything. So this is a calendar that the students put together, 2014 New Year's resolutions. Right? There's a page folded in half. How old are you? Are these overheards that people are sending in? Oh, this is from June, I think. Oh, perfect time for New Year's resolution. So it's a page folded in half with 2014 on the front and statements like,

two goals I have this year or one new book I'd like to read. All cut so that each digit of 2014 can be flipped to reveal the resolution inside. The zero slot was supposed to be something I'd like to stop doing. Below, this is a, send in a photo of it. Below is what some of our students wrote on this, something I'd like to stop spot. But yeah, anyways, it's a kid who says, stop touching my nuts. Good luck, buddy. Yeah, exactly.

Grade one? Yeah, you got a whole lifetime. Oh, boy, yeah. Yeah exactly Grade one Yeah You got a whole lifetime Oh boy Yikes Yeah talk about Setting yourself up For failure Like even with your

Thighs Yeah You're doomed I'm touching my nuts Nope Wow Never gonna happen Yeah

But wait Come on New Year's resolutions For a kid For a kid? Yeah. Lose some weight. Yeah.

Look how ruined you are already. I need to start focusing more on my career. Yeah. What? Got to get in touch with old friends. I want to be more present. Oh, no, I want to get more presents. You should go to the present store.

Yeah. Still think that's a winning idea. Give me a $25 one. Or we're going to fancy company. We do $25 limits on our Secret Santas. Yeah, give me a $25 present. And work at Enron. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you would like to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have.

Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests. This is Catherine in Portland, and I have an overheard. I am standing outside my work, and I just walked past this woman on the cell phone, and she was saying, I told you his nickname, right? His nickname is Asswash.

Asswash? Yes. Oh, yeah. That's either a really good nickname to have. Yeah. Because you're known for it. You're clean down there. Well, wait, wait, wait. He could be the Asswasher.

Oh, yeah. That's true. Like the crime fighter? The superhero? The vigilante? That could be his profession, you know? Like people had their last name was what they were. Oh, right.

Oh, yeah. So he's a good ass washer. What was a forward? A forward. Yeah. Just a guy who kept just going. It was sexually hockey related or. You said sexually.

It was sexually. Hockey related. Sexually, it was hockey related. He played center or right wing or left wing. I think I'm going to say sexually instead of actually from now on. Sexually, I don't think that's a good idea. Sexually, um... Sexually, no. Ass wash.

Here's your next phone call. Ass wash. Hi, Dave and Graham and fantastic guest. This is Ben from Brooklyn calling in an overheard. I was just moments ago at the bodega on the corner buying some beer when a man walked through the door and the guy

behind the counter looked up at him and started yelling at him and he's like, what happened? And the guy who walked in goes, what are you talking about? And the guy behind the counter is like, what happened to you? You were supposed to be here earlier. You were supposed to be in this morning. And he gets really, really mad.

And the guy who walked in just looks at him and goes, I don't work here, bro. Oh, that sounds like a nightmare. Just be like getting in trouble for a job you're not. You're not even doing it. And be called bro. Yeah. Dude. I don't like the bro why not bro i'm not a huge fan sexually i think it's a good idea to be called that uh sexually i don't

think so oh really bro or chief i'm pretty well self-sexualized so self-sexualization yeah in this new world we're in yeah all right um now usually i play three overheards uh and uh what happened well i have four this week oh but i'm not gonna play both the full overheards of these next two because the overheard they're okay yeah but both of these the intros of like the situations the people are talking about are the greatest i don't even care about the overheard so we'll stop these as soon as you'll hear it you'll you'll hear guys come on let's not panic hey david graham this is josh in missouri um i used to like run sound and DJ music for the BMX ministry, and we played a lot of dubstep. What?

Yeah. BMX? BMX ministry? Yeah. Cool. I used to run sound at a BMX ministry, and we played a lot of dubstep. Wow. I don't know.

Are we talking about like a bike, religious bike? Like a bike church. Bike church. Bike church Bike church I don't hate that at all No No Because most often

When you're a kid in church You were probably thinking About riding your bike Yeah And most times You were riding your bike You were probably thinking About Jesus

Yeah Well yeah I can't think of He died for our sins And make it a bicycle He died for our spins Sure I don't even know any bike words.

Yeah. But he had a wheel spin, you know? Yeah. He spoke. Spokes. Spokes. He gave a sermon from the spokes. The whole congregation is sitting with their bikes.

Yeah. The whole congregation is doing triple wowies. And Zupaloos, don't forget. Oh, God. I haven't mastered it yet. Don't try. It's a lifetime. My friend sexually gnarled his butt on that.

All right, here's your final overheard beginning. Oh, man. That was good. Hard to top. Hi, Dave, graham and possible guests this is amber in atlanta with an overseen for you guys uh today i was at the cabbage town romp and stomp 5k before the cabbage town chop and stomp chili competition well top congratulations i didn't think bmX bike ministry had any competition

but the romp and chomp romp and stomp and then chomp and stomp how? do you work for them? how did you remember all the words? romp and stomp and chomp and stomp that is so great

where are you headed? I'm going down to the romp and stomp to see the chomp and stomp I'm just stopping for the chomp and stomp you're stopping for the chomp you're not going to the romp and stomp no Ip and stomp to see the chomp and stomp. I'm just stopping for the chomp and stomp. You're stopping for the chomp? You're not going to the romp and stomp? No, I'm only going to stop for the chomp and stomp. I hurt my leg, so I can't do the romp and stomp.

You're not going to the romp and stomp, are you? I hurt my jaw. I can't do the chomp and stomp. Oh, no. I'm going to burn my tongue. What are you going to do? Just the sit and spit? Yeah, I'm going to do the flomp and stomp.

Sexually, I heard it's not very great. Anyway, the chomp and stomp Sexually I heard It's not very great Anyway The Chomp and stomp What? Yeah It hasn't been the same Since Dale took over

Oh boy All he does is play Dubstep For BMX ministry Oh boy Why you ever left that? You should never say Used to

Used Used to be a A DJ at a BMS mystery And then I became A minister Yeah Then I became

A bicycle Where was that woman Calling from That they had so many Romp and stomp Atlanta Atlanta But it was the

Cabbage town Romp and clomp Is cabbage town A name for Atlanta or is that a neighborhood? I don't know. I have no idea. You know. Hotlanta, that's all I know. Mm-hmm.

Hot Cabbagelanta. Oof. Yeah. Hold on to your butts. Yeah. Well. Right? Cabbage.

Am I lying? Would you rather have cold cabbage? Yeah, like a sour, isn't that sauerkraut? Coleslaw. Coleslaw. Coleslaw. I feel like we're on dangerous ground here, guys. You can have hot cabbage all the time.

Hot cabbage. When was the last time you had hot cabbage? Like Wednesday. Really? Did you have some hot cabbage? You know what? Fry up a little bit of cabbage. Put? Like Wednesdays. Really? Did you have some hot cabbage? You know what? Fry up a little bit of cabbage, put it in mashed potatoes. Really?

It's a hearty meal. Really? I did not know that. It's vegan until you put the milk and butter in it. Right. Yeah. So you fry up the cabbage. Yeah.

You slice it in like one inch slices. And of course it turns into, know it's inside it's all folded in on each other you fry it up in butter put a little bit of salt on there and meanwhile make mashed potatoes

fold them in on each other you're talking I don't know cabbage cabbage and potatoes it's a chomp and stomp yeah

oh man wait romp and stomp are kind of the same word yeah isn't that a racist thing? Romper stomper? Wasn't that like a movie about a skinhead or something? No, I think a romp and a stomp are two different things.

What's a romp? A romp is... Oh, that's like a roll in the hay. That could be a roll in the hay or a... Yeah, just a... I just remember when I... Like a fun review? What a romp that was.

What a romp, yeah. Like Spider-Man 2 was a romp. Oh, yeah. You know? I just remember when I was... That was that noise. I'm sorry, I'm transforming. Guys, when I was like 12, I guess maybe 14,

my sister was a few years older than me And they had prom coming up She still is You know, it's true I haven't caught up yet But I'll fix Anthony But she My sister died, so I passed her

Oh no Oh boy, I'm so sorry That's alright I brought it up Yeah, that's true That's alright I brought it up Yeah that's true That's true My sister Well

Please keep going Okay This is not gonna do well She had a friend And it was Prom was coming up And I just remember One of her friends said

Guys if we rearrange The letters in prom It spells romp. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Prompt and stomp. Yeah. Anyway, RIP your sister.

So that brings us to the end of this here episode. Now, Mark, do you have anything upcoming you would like to plug? Sexually. Yeah, sexually. No. No. You can listen to my podcast. No one does, but you can if you want to.

Give us a listen. We're 78 episodes in. Nice. And we're probably going to quit at 100. There you go. That's the way to do it. And just walk away. Just throw all the equipment in the lake.

So when you hear our 100th episode, go down to the lake. Yeah. Just bring your metal detector That's it Mark Forward Podcast on iTunes Alright And you're on Twitter At Mark underscore forward

That's correct And thanks for being our guest Oh my god It was a pleasure A pleasure I felt bad when I asked you No Don't ever feel bad

Ever again You guys welcome me The rest of you out there, don't ask. We have a strictly don't ask, don't tell policy. Dave, anything? I just want everyone to enjoy this. Second week of December. Yeah, really get out there.

Do some jostling. Do some gosseling. Do some rustling. Rompin' and chompin'. Rompin', chompin'. Absolutely. And chompin'. Oh, yeah, if you can get some chompin' in there. And you, Graham? do some gosselin do some rustlin do some rompin' and stompin' stompin' absolutely and chompin' yeah

oh yeah if you can get some chompin' in there and you Graham? uh you know in January if you're in Toronto I'm gonna be there for two weeks

are you? yeah from the the 7th to the 14th you gone that whole time? no I think I'm there for a bit of that

where are you playing? telling humorous stories? I'm doing a one-man show. Oh, the same one you brought last time, or is this a new one? New one. Oh, my goodness. Graham Clark reads the phone book. This guy's been working. Yeah.

Well, we'll see. Where's it happening? It's at a little theater called the Factory Theater. Oh, that's a lovely little theater. So do you know it? Yeah. Yeah. Look up the Toronto Fringe website little theater. So do you know it? Yeah. Yeah. Look up the

Toronto Fringe website and you can get tickets for that. Yeah. And if you like this show, you should head over to MaximumFun.org where we put

a recap of the episode featuring and featuring pictures and videos of the episode of things we talked about on the episode.

The importance of being earnest, certainly. Sure. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Maybe a clip pictures and videos of the episode of things we talked about on the episode the importance of being earnest certainly yeah sure oh for sure yeah maybe a clip

from Christmas from the Cranks yeah Christmas from the Cranks there's the whole movie of Christmas in Wonderland starring Patrick Swayze is on YouTube

please put up the scene where Alf talks to the dying girl I'll try it's on YouTube I want to see the Muppet tier just a series of Muppet tiers just some Muppet tiers find as many Muppeteer Just a series of Muppeteers

Just the Muppeteers Find as many Muppeteers He's not a Muppet though But It's a Muppeteer They're all Muppets It's a Rocketeer It's weird when you say Muppeteer

It sounds like Muppeteer But Anyways We'll get to that Next week Yeah Save it To be continued

Vault that one Thank you so much for listening If you like the show Please do tell your friends And come on back next week Yeah, save it. To be continued. Vault that one. Thank you so much for listening. If you like the show, please do tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.