Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 352

Episode Date: December 15, 2014

No guest this week, as we talk about snorting chocolate powder, the Eagles documentary, and the music of Friends.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 352 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man... Hmm... What do you say about a man like this man?

What do you say about a girl who died? Mr. Dave Shumka. Hi there. Hello. Still with us. Yeah. I was going to say, how do you... What do you say about a man who took you all the way from, what is it?

Something to perfume? Is this the Patrick Swiskinder novel? This is To Serve With Love, the song. Who took you from pigtails to perfume? I don't know this song. To serve with love. What era is that from? 60s

Oh, early 60s Yeah, yeah, yeah Before them Those mop tops Came along Yeah, yeah, yeah It was the It was like the

Title track of that movie With Sidney Poitier To Sir With Love What do you say About a guy Who took you from Pigtails to the pig farm And then he brought you down to the business place and then you bought a bunch of folders for all of your things so you could keep your tax forms in order.

You say thank you. To sir with love. That you made a whole movie there about a guy who owns a pig farm and starts a business. Well, he starts with pigtails, then goes to a pig farm, then goes downstairs under the pig farm to where the business is. Yeah. And then they have to go buy office supplies. The only drawback of this office is that it smells like shit. Yeah.

I don't know where all this big shit is coming from above us. Yeah, it seems to be leaking into all the files. Anyway. Anyway, we need some plastic folders. Wouldn't it be easier to just move the office over there on the other side of the farm? We're here for tax reasons. Yeah, we like the mystique. And also I'm a super villain.

I need to live underground. Yeah. No guests today. Just us kicking back this holiday season. Whoop-de-doo. Hickory duck. So, you know, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Get to know us.

Dave? Yeah? What is Shaken? Couple of things. Sometimes there's like nothing going on and I pull something out of nowhere. Yeah, yeah. And I make the greatest episode you've ever heard of.

Yeah, yeah. But sometimes I hear about a thing and i'm like oh i should try to do this thing okay so i have something to talk about on the podcast uh and a couple days ago um in the last few days basically i've a few of the people i follow online or people i'm friends with in vancouver uh we're talking about, I've been posting stuff about this place on Commercial Drive where you snort chocolate. Oh, I think past guest Erica Sigurdsson maybe posted something. Yeah, the local band The Zolas posted a picture of their sandwich board. Wow.

And so I was like, and the sandwich board outside says, snorting chocolate, $2. And something like, we're serious. Yeah. Snorting chocolate, first of all, sounds like a 90s grunt. We're opening for, who are we opening for? Better than Ezra. The Catherine Wheel. I don't know them.

What did they play? They were British. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, snorting chocolate. Yeah. Okay.

So I go in. So what is this place? This place is a place called Commercial Drive Licorice Parlor. There you go. To differentiate it from all the other licorice parllor there you go um i believe differentiate it from all the other licorice parlors in the city uh yeah uh and uh i believe uh one of the owners i think is a local uh comedian former comedian watermelon yep who are weed activist weed activist uh performer and i don't know this person right i've never met her but i know who she is she uh

she smashes watermelons oh wait a minute that's another guy it's another watermelon related uh yeah she's a uh blonde lady and i don't know if she works there yeah she does oh okay because i i recognize her but i've never met her um so I went in there yesterday, uh, and I walked in and it's like a, uh, you know, kind of an old, um, apothecary general store looking thing with like, you know, glass jars full of different candies and, uh. A couple of old men playing checkers on a pickle barrel. Yeah, exactly. There's horses tied up outside. Saloon doors. Yeah, all the trimmings. Yeah.

So I go in and it's, but it's not big enough that you can like browse and, you know, go unnoticed and like sort of discover. Yeah, it used to be a chocolate shop. I remember that. Sure. It used to be called Dutch Girls Chocolate. Oh. to be a chocolate shop i remember that sure used to be called dutch girls chocolate no and i remember that because you'd walk in and you were basically right at the counter as soon as you walked in and you yeah i need a store where i can like browse a bit and make fun of things yeah and be on my own

and be like make up my mind for myself to you know do i want anything here but like when you walk in and the counter's there and the person is like how can i I help you? You're like, I didn't, I don't know. I don't know yet. Yeah. So I go in and she says, how can I help you? And I say, I'm curious about this snorting chocolate. And so there's this, there's this apparatus. Okay.

And it's this like plexi, not plexiglass. Stainglassiglass, not plexiglass. Stained glass. No. Maybe plexiglass. Bulletproof glass. Pyrex. It's this like plasticky glass. I guess it's plexiglass.

Sounds like plexiglass. Yeah. Surface, and it's, you know, clean and see-through, and there's a couple of things that are, clean and see-through and there's these a couple of things that are um uh they're like these rods these plexiglass sort of rods with that are flat on the top okay so you can put chocolate on them and you can sort of maneuver them for different sized noses and uh oh okay so it's not like uh here's a mirror here's some lines of chocolate no it's it's this whole apparatus okay and uh she's telling me about it it costs like 109 and they they i'm like well do you have the two dollar the thing on the board yeah because i'm not i don't want to i'm not ready to invest yeah like i've never tried this i don't

want to go to being an expert on this yeah yeah from never doing it to like owning the equipment yeah which i have absolutely done been like oh yeah i really want to get into harmonica give me one of those harmonica vests filled with harmonicas harmonica bandoliers i've never played a note of it. But I feel like this is going to be my thing. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm cold in my chest area, but not my arms. I need a vest. So I... So to you, the consumer, this would cost $109. Yes. Okay. But since I'm a local celebrity... This would cost $109. Yes.

Okay. But since I'm a local celebrity. No, I, after like giving the spiel, she says, oh, we also do $2 a snort. Right. And I, I've not ever done cocaine. No. I've not ever had, there was in grade eight, I think I've told this story. My, like my first high school party i ever went to yeah uh it was a my friend's birthday party and everyone uh we got a bunch

of pez they got a bunch of pez and crushed it up and snorted it yeah well maybe not maybe yum i don't know uh and then uh later i was like, like at the time it scared me. And I was like, oh, this is high school life. People are snorting stuff. And later I just got like some regular sugar and didn't put it up my nose. Just on my own. Yeah, nose candy. That's what I like. And it basically was just like your nose runs all day and it's super sweet.

It's the natural high. Yeah, exactly. it's the natural high yeah exactly uh yeah no i've never uh i've never done a cocaine no okay seems very silly to do cocaine right i think one of the reasons i've never done cocaine is i've seen movies yeah and every time someone does cocaine in a movie they do it at like their peak or at their rock bottom oh yeah and and then like they were super attractive at the beginning of the movie and now they're very puffy and sweaty and the cops are after them yeah yeah and it's also like in when you see them at their height they're doing it off of a beautiful glass thing in a nice place and then you know then it's off of the radiator of a car yeah then off of a beautiful glass thing in a nice place and then you know then it's off of the radiator

of a car yeah then i'm a little wrist of a dead guy um yeah so so you have you have no experience of putting things up your and and also like i associate cocaine with like like bad music yeah yeah like oh disco people and uh you know miami vice and i also like guys with ponytails i just feel like a guy with a ponytail like want to come to the bathroom with me and uh yeah although now like i we absolutely know people who have done it or do it oh yeah and like they're normal looking people. And it's just like, well, I guess I missed the boat on this. Also, it's a very expensive drug. I guess it is. Is it more expensive than heroin?

I don't know. I don't know either. I think heroin is probably, by comparison, is probably pretty cheap. Because you can only afford it uh at the beginning and then once you lose your job you still want it yeah you still can get it somehow yeah yeah but i feel like people who are like like cocaine people will then go on to like crack because it's cheaper oh yeah you know what i mean is there a cheaper heroin uh you know uh oh if you eat a bunch of smarties and then spin around in an office chair really fast, that's like the cheap heroin.

Yeah. Um, so, uh, yeah. Okay. So I've never snorted anything. I snorted, uh, snuff before. What's that? It's a, like, yeah, like a powdered tobacco. And what does that do?

Oh, it's disgusting. It, uh, much like putting sugar up your nose. Uh, it just makes everything in your head taste like tobacco. And stuff runs out of your nose and out of your mouth and it's brown. So it's terrible. Have you seen that Kids in the Hall sketch where the boss has just got brown stuff coming out of his mouth? Yeah, it's like that it's great um uh but with these the snorting part what is that like uh what's the sensation well i guess it's i guess it's kind of like breathing in like a cigarette like it's the same type of kind of like, uh, half a second of dizziness, but, uh, the after effect is just so awful.

I think it's like still big in parts of Europe. People still have that snuff chemistry. Snooze. Snooze. Yeah. Um, so, uh, what you do for $2 is she puts, uh, the chocolate powder. You can either get chocolate, get chocolate ginger or chocolate raspberry. I went with raspberry.

Puts a sprinkle some on these two nostril catapults is what they are. Because then you have to time it perfectly. And she says, okay, put your nose right above this. I'll hold it up or you can crouch down or both. And then on the count of three, I will release these catapults while you inhale through your nose. Oh, wow. Wow. And so I did it.

One, two, three. And I snored in. Yeah. And it's like super intense, like being underwater upside down. Oh, yeah. And water goes up your nose and it's like. Get it out, get it out. Yeah.

It's like that, except chocolatey. So like you're drowning in chocolate milk. Yeah. And they said it was like the taste would stay with you all day, but I didn't really notice that. Right. But afterwards I was like, because I went walking up the street and then I was like, I should, I should go back and get more. Just go back for another bump.

See, this is how it starts. Mm-hmm. Wow. So I would recommend that as a cheap thrill. Yeah. Well, yeah. If I was walking by and I, yeah. Did you get like, like powder on you or like?

She gave me a tissue afterwards. All right. She's like, get out. Get the fuck out of here. The first taste is free. Yeah, yeah. Except for $2. Yeah, you never met me.

Get out. But, like, it's a totally, like, you could charge $10 for that. You think? Well, I mean, like. It's novel enough. It's novel enough, exactly. Yeah, I don't but i don't know how the chocolate is it's powdered but i don't know how it's like different than i guess it's a very fine belgian chocolate she said she bought six of these um you know uh apparatuses apparati yeah

uh from belgium and brought them back but i don't know how it would be different from like nestle quick yeah although i wouldn't try it with nestle quick for some reason i feel like there's probably glass in it or something uh not to besmirch the good people at nestle yes and they're great work it's one of the most evil corporations ever um yeah like it uh i yeah it's one of those things like you wouldn't you wouldn't ever think of it until you heard about it and then you're like yeah i like chocolate yeah i got a nose it's not like it is it's like a cheap thrill that's sort of like this isn't there's nothing about this that's like seems that illegal yeah it doesn't see it seems a little like i'm a i'm a little bit afraid to tell my mom you did what

um yeah like uh but i guess like is it an, did she tell you the history of it at all? Because I wonder if this is like, you know, back in the days when people's teeth just fell out because it was the Middle Ages. But they were still in, you know, chocolate-rich Belgium. Yeah, I wonder if you go to Belgium. I wonder if there's just like a whole chocolate scene. Oh, yeah, probably like oxygen bars where they just breathe chocolate in. um yeah i wonder if you go to belg i wonder if there's just like a whole chocolate scene oh yeah probably like um oxygen bars where they just breathe chocolate in like you strap one of those to your face and then they rush you to the er he's got he's got brown lung

uh yeah you're not supposed to breathe in just chocolate. It's supposed to be like you breathe it in and then you also breathe in air. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. That's very cool. It was very cool. It's a good story.

I also got some Dutch toast chocolate sprinkles. Yeah, yeah. So it's not just licorice. They also got some chocolate. No, they also seem to have hula hoops for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. She told me they were hula hoops and they're like super popular because it's, you know, whatever.

How much do they cost? Seven bucks or something? I didn't look into it. But the markup on a hula hoop, anything above a dollar is, you know, you're making nothing but money. Yeah. Right? Just a plastic thing. I guess so.

With sand in it. Oh, really? Some of them would have sand in it because it would make like a shaky, shaky sound. Now, is that, did you hula hoop as a child? Yeah, I think we had to at school. Oh, really? Yeah. I feel like that was one of the Canada.

Of fitness? Fitness things that you had to do was hula hoop. I don't think so. Are you sure? We had to do a thing that was called jump Rope for Life or Jump Rope for Heart. Okay. And that was. For the band Heart.

Yeah. It was to raise money for them. Yeah. They would come by and play Barracuda. And you had to jump rope the whole time they were playing it. It was like they shoot horses, don't they? Yeah. So we did a jump rope thing.

And then, yeah, there was like a hula hoop. Maybe the jump rope was a winter thing and hula hoop was a summer thing but yeah we definitely had to hula hoop this i uh it's december now he said fully knowing that we're recording this and releasing it in december and i was thinking back to like high school times and like december was just a write-off oh yeah can we watch another movie? Yeah. Can we go to the gym? There's square dancing all day. Yeah, I feel like, what class would give up the earliest when it came to Christmas time?

Probably like a home ec or something like that. You know, just make cookies every class. Yeah. Just ride it out to the end of the year. Maybe, well, shop class. probably like a home ec or something like that you just make cookies every class yeah just ride it out to the end of the year maybe uh well shop class i feel like you had to really buckle down get that thing done for your grandpa yeah yeah uh but yeah like uh did you ever have like tests that were like they tried to make them fun by doing Christmas type questions, but it was just a math test? Oh yeah, I guess so. But there was like Christmas theme questions?

Yeah, like if Santa is on a train and he gets recognized. And it's like, you're not making tests more fun, you're making Christmas less fun. I remember that we would always get our report cards. We get three a year. And like the first one would come at the end of November. Right. And then all of December, I would just do no work. And then I'd be like failing by January.

Not failing, but my grades would slip enough that like I would have to race home and intercept letters home from school. Yeah. I had a friend who did that as well. He had a whole system. He would skip last period to get home, go through the mail, take his report card, doctorate. Oh, really? Yeah. And then reseal it in the envelope. Like he would open it using steam from a kettle it was all very

Zach Morrissey Zach Morrissey? did I just discover a thing? oh my god this is so exciting trademark copyright yeah

so I wish I knew more about Morrissey I really only know that he's big with the Latino youth and that he's Um, yeah, so, uh, I wish I knew more about Morrissey. I really only know that he's a big with the Latino youth and that he's a sad. He's a big sad sack. Yeah. Yeah. Christmas time, probably especially, right?

It's really hard to be a sad sack on Christmas. Or maybe it's easier to be a sad sack on Christmas. I don't know. There's a lot to be sad about, so it makes it easier. Oh no, it is easy to be sad. There's a lot of suicides this time of year. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, there's a a lot of suicides this time of year. Yeah yeah and it's you know there's a lot of Christmas songs that are like kind

of sad. Yeah like you know Oh Holy Night and Petit Papa Noel. Don't know that second one. Oh it's French. What is it? Poopy Poopy? Petit Papa Noel. It's a song about this French kid who's like hey

Santa I know it's hard for you. You know what? It's mostly my fault. Oh, really? It's like a guilty kid? Yeah, it's like, I know it's cold out there, but, you know, don't forget to put stuff in my sock. Oh, so he's like, even though he feels guilty,

he's like, still got to look out for number one. Oh, wow. And it's just in a minor key. Yeah. What do you think? So what's the saddest Christmas song? I always thought like Blue Blue Christmas. Yeah.

Or I'll Be Home for Christmas, even though the point of it is not sad. It's a sad sounding song. Well, and the point is that he won't be home for Christmas because he's a soldier. Oh, is that what that's about? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was about a traveling salesman for some reason. Oh, yeah. Okay. oh is that what that's about yeah oh i thought it was about a traveling salesman for some reason oh yeah okay soldier makes a lot more sense but even like uh uh the uh stevie wonder version of ave maria oh ave maria is really sad but it's not specifically i don't think a christmas song but he just does that sad harmonica in the middle he's got that vest yeah he's another one

who just bought the vest i know but it paid off for him he but he's blind he doesn't know that it's a harmonica vest he just thinks it's a regular yeah he didn't doesn't know that you can blow in these things he just thinks it's a clangy vest i think it's a percussion vest um yeah like uh i don't know christmas songs like i've been uh last episode we talked about there's a radio station that plays just christmas songs and i was working the other day i was listening to like a like a songs a playlist it was all christmas songs i think i got three in and i was like i can't do it i can't do it anymore yeah i think i like i don't i don't like the ones that are like about modern stuff i only want to hear songs about santa claus boogie woogieing

i basically i like the monster mash but if the monsters are snowmen and reindeer and santa and elves is there a song called boogie woogie no but No, but it's all like, you know. Run, Run Rudolph. Yeah. Yeah. Anything that's, you know, here comes Santa Claus. Santa Claus is coming to town. And check out his awesome guitar.

Yeah. Jingle Bell Rock is basically that. Yeah. Rocking around the Christmas tree. Yeah. Boogie Woogie Santa Claus. Yeah. Santa's the big payback.

Anything that's a cross between Santa and the big chills. Yeah, I wish there was a way to buy a snorting chocolate machine for less than $100? Because it seems so novel. Why don't we go have these? Oh, you think? Yeah. I take it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Yeah.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday. You get it Tuesday, Thursday, and weekends. Oh, that's pretty good. I get to spend the weekends with it. Yeah. Take it to the park. Mm-hmm. The baseball game.

Hey, kid. Hey, kid, get over here. You want to snort some chocolate? Yes. Yes. I wonder, though, is there other things? Probably they've experimented with other things, like a mint that would burn so much. Mm-hmm.

You know, like a cinnamon. A Chipotle. A Chipotle. Whatever Chipotle is. Yeah. What is Chipotle? It'sotle. Whatever Chipotle is. Yeah. What is Chipotle? It's a smoked pepper. Okay.

I spat a lot saying that. It's just like it was a word that was nowhere and then it was everywhere. Oh, yeah. It's kind of like yam fries. Or sriracha. Yeah, right? Mm-hmm. Or Sri Lanka.

It's India's teardrop. Is that because it's sad or because it's shaped like i think both oh poetic yeah i think really the saddest yeah the saddest offshoot of india it's got to be bangladesh sri lankan santa that's oh boy yeah yeah but there's a good there's some wicked uh organ solo in it uh abby's uh family's family was once in Sri Lanka and they saw a guy with an Abe Lincoln beard and they called him Abe Lankan. That's pretty good. Yeah. So the other thing that's been going on with me, speaking of snorting things, this morning

I watched. You're now a cocaine dealer. This morning on Netflix, I watched a three-hour documentary on the Eagles. Three hours? Oh, man. Well, here's what's up. What time do you wake up? Because you're on a early.

I'm on dad's schedule. I wake up at either five, six, or seven. So you can get a whole three-h hours Eagles documentary And still be on top of that And still wake Abby up at nine Wow So tell me about the Eagles I know literally nothing I am

I'm in the same boat Because they're one of the bands I never really knew anyone who Cared enough about them beyond Their greatest hits. And even then, I only know, what, Hotel California? You know a few songs. What?

You know Hotel California. Yeah, I know that one for sure. You know Witchy Woman. Oh, that's Eagles. Okay. You know Take It to the Limit. Yep. You know Life in the Fast Lane.

Yep. Doodle-de-do-de-do-de-do-de-do-do. Life in the Fast Lane. You know, there's a bunch. Yeah, yeah, okay. They all kind of sound the same. They're all that L.A. sound. And are they...

They're not a super group. No, they did add Joe Walsh in the middle of their run, and he had been in the James Gang and a solo artist. Right. And then they added a guy who... They changed bass players, but not in a way that would have made, they also changed other guitar. It was really the two main dudes, Don Henley and Glenn Fry. Oh, Don Henley.

I know that name. Yeah. And then they sort of rotated out other people over the. So they like, technically they were the Eagles and everybody else were just eaglets. Yeah. But they were all, they like everyone believed that they were Eagles, but that were treated like they were garbage.

So, uh, yeah. So I'm watching this thing and they are like, there's no people of color in the whole three hours. It is like, it's like the whitest band with the whitest fans and they're. Yeah. And like, they're talking about how they define like the 70s sound.

Well, why don't, maybe in this color palette. Yeah. And like, what, but like, what was the story of them? They met as sort of like backup artists for Linda Ronstadt. Okay. Formed their own band. Okay. And then just wanted to, just wanted to make music.

That's all I've ever wanted to do. Well, no one has ever told you not to. Like no one's ever told you not to like no one's ever stood in your way you're not you're not defying anyone you're not some underdog oh it was just so like they're just they the it's a documentary and they're all being interviewed today and they look back on it and it's just like they're all from the baby boom generation and you know how like people kind of hate the baby boom generation now because they ruin the economy and ruin everything. And like they should have played this documentary at the Occupy Wall Street protest because it was like, this is, this is, we haven't, there hasn't been like a crystallized villain from the baby boomers.

So it's the Eaglesagles it's the eagles because they are just like oh just like one minute into the movie uh one of them goes how about a beer another one goes you got it bro like i didn't know people were using bro in 1974. Wow. But, like, there are these super rich guys who, you know. Yeah. And even looking back now on all their success, they still don't think they got enough credit. And they still. So, it's just like, it's a history of two guys that wanted to do something, did it, and everything was fine. But like, aren't happy about it and are just sort of like, just, just, there's no warmth. Like they're, they don't seem like friends.

Right. They never did. They're just, uh, uh, just unpleasant people. And like, they don't even seem like, even the people who like each other in the band don't like each other that much right like it's not the story of like like the beatles or the rolling stones it's like a band who stuck together through the years and trials and tribulations yeah like but it is like it is a group of people it's not like what is it steely dan is just two guys and a bunch of studio musicians right these guys you guys, you know, they all toured together.

They were all members of the band. They all sang. Right. They all had, like, their own songs that they would sing, and everyone wrote songs. Right. But it's just like... But you're like, what's the conflict? The conflict is just like...

Yeah, they've faced no... Yeah, like, every song they wrote hit song yeah no obstacles yeah uh they you know they did a bunch of drugs yeah and uh responsibly and enjoyed the effect exactly none of them died um yeah uh and then like they by the end like people just start disliking each other right and there's like one really great scene where they they kept the audio like for some reason they had the audio on the stage of two people in the band who hated each other and like there were like three more songs left in the set and then i'm gonna kick your ass and they're just you could hear them just like perfect crystal clear audio of them There were like three more songs left in the set and then I'm going to kick your ass.

And they're just, you could hear them just like perfect crystal clear audio of them just yelling at each other. And there's this one really funny part. It's not that supposed to be funny, but when they're recording their last album, they've got, for some reason they're recording, it's 1978 at this point and so are they not together anymore i think well they broke up for the 80s okay and don henley did a bunch of solo hits yeah i remember and glenn fry did um the heat is on oh cool and he did uh what else did he do uh you belong to the city. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow.

Charlie Demers used to do a joke about how that song's about a pylon. But yeah, on their last album, they're recording. For some reason, they just have those skinny microphones with the little tops like Bob Barker. Bob, really? Yeah. they just have those skinny microphones with the little uh tops like bob barker really yeah uh yeah this is uh our album's called plinko and they did like uh the documentary is really good to watch like it's super enjoyable uh because you know they're not it's not like i guess it's really really well made even if i don't like the band right yeah like it's still like you're getting something out of it

but it's it's got a lot of like uh this thing happens multiple times in it uh they have a song called lion eyes and like that just came from a saying like i heard glenn say hey she's got those lion eyes and i was like that should be a song and then it goes from that to one of those things where the camera pans from the bottom to the top of the billboard charts yeah that shot is repeated multiple times yeah um but yeah no uh one thing that they say is uh that like they're just so self-important they're like what we did in the 70s is remembered the way that like the roaring 20s are remembered like uh it's not well it's it's like did i tell you about watching the Evil Knievel documentary? It was like that. Like, it was like a bunch of dudes who really like Evil Knievel talking about how, like, you know, like how he changed everything.

And I was like, no, he jumped over cars. And he was, you know, arguably not great at it. Yeah, exactly. Which is what made him so watchable yeah like he was like you know every other time he did it he was the best at it but he often bit off more than he could chew yeah and then he was like i'm gonna i'm gonna shoot across the grand canyon and uh his prototype it's actually worth watching it to see his prototype for the thing that he thought he would fly across the grand Canyon on.

It was a motorcycle with wings, just no aerodynamics. It's like one of those things that they would bring it to like the red bull jump off a cliff thing. Yeah. It would just go to the end of the ramp and then straight into the Canyon. But yeah. So,

but it was all these dudes just sitting around just talking about like oh man you know and they would tell these stories where like you the listener were supposed to be like wow and then he jumped up wow you mean those cars he lined up, he jumped over them? Wow. Cool. There's one point where their producer is like, man, these guys are so funny. I just kept the tapes rolling in between takes. It made me sad to do a podcast.

I'm like, oh, boy, people have been doing this for decades. thinking they're so funny don henley did it first did it first and best we could say he really epitomized the 70s podcast sound um there's a i watched uh the ashton kutcher, Steve Jobs movie. And it was that same kind of thing where it was like, aside from the fact that at one point, Steve Jobs, like they took the company away from him and then he got it back. Literally the rest of the time, nothing bad happens. Yeah, exactly. All the bad stuff is him. He's the bad guy in the movie. Man versus himself. I know, the movie. Man versus himself.

I know, right? And man versus machine. All in one movie. Yeah. But it was like, you know, what is this movie? It's just a guy. They're making another Steve Jobs movie too? They don't need to.

There's not enough grist there. Thanks for the phone, but. Yeah. Oh, man. When Ashton Kutcher is in the makeup... As old Steve Jobs? Oh, boy. Wowzers.

They did not think that through. Yeah. No, he's... He looks like something like a Bob Odenkirk character from Mr. Show. But it's like, I remember when it was announced that Ashton Kutcher would play Steve Jobs. Yeah. And everyone was like, oh, that's a bad idea. And then they made the movie in like two weeks.

It was out immediately after the announcement. Well, and he does an okay job. Like, in fairness to him. An okay jobs. Yeah, he does. Yes. But there's this one scene, and I mean, it is like, it's just like Jackie Jorp Jorp. Like the.

Yeah. Yeah. Like he's having a fight with his girlfriend that then has a baby that he denies paternity of. Right. For many, many years. So he has this fight with her and then he goes into his room and this is the moment when Steve Jobs leaves his hippie background and becomes Steve Jobs the icon. And what they do to symbolize it is he tucks his shirt into his jeans. And you're like, come on.

That's what. He looks in the mirror and then he tucks his shirt. I'm still going to wear a jean. They're very comfortable. So, yeah, it's. And then at the end in the credits, they do this thing that sometimes they do to show you what a good job they did. They show the actor and the character that they played side by side just to be like, they did it in Argo too, where they're like, see, did we do such a good job? Yeah, we, we, yeah, we, yeah, we looked at old pictures. Yeah, we put on the same type of glasses.

70s but yeah like it's one of those stories where you like like the eagles where it's like yeah i guess it's notable because you're famous but but there's not much story it's like entourage yeah like everything turns out right for you guys all right well why was i rooting for you as though you wouldn't make it as if something bad would ever happen yeah yeah yeah oh can't wait till that movie comes out no i know it's like the opposite of jobs like they announced it forever ago it's funny that yeah that they're like somebody beat us to the jobs movie but we're gonna make a super jobs movie but there's not like you know like at least with facebook there was the lawsuit and who created it and controversy about whatever but you know apple's just like

people liked your product and then they didn't for a while, but then they really liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Then a lot of people liked them. That's the title card at the end says, 2012, Apple was the world's most profitable company. And you're like. Yay. Yay. Yeah. Yeah. Hooray. I just bought a ticket for the movie.

I didn't buy stock. Yeah. It would have been a perfect like to show to shareholders type of yeah exactly maybe that's what it was and they're like it's pretty good all right we'll hold on to our 700 stock yeah but uh yeah good movie yeah movie jobs would that come out this year is it eligible for awards or is it last year? Did it get snubbed? I think it, I don't, I don't actually know, but like I say, it's not, it's not totally unwatchable. I watched the whole thing, but it just kind of was, you're just kind of like, eh, you

know, eh, man. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks anyway. Yeah. What's going on with you? Well, when we recorded the podcast last week. With Mark Forward.

Yeah. Afterwards, I had to go to do, I did a Christmas party. So whoop-de-doo. And hickory duck. I don't do a lot of them. I don't do a lot of them. I don't do a lot of corporates. I just, not by choice. I just don't get offered them.

Right. But I was offered, this was for Canucks Place. Which is a charity. Yeah. So it wasn't, it was a. It wasn't so much a corporate as a. Yeah, as a kind of a charity. But, you know, it was at a nice place.

It was at the, uh, Royal Vancouver Yacht Club. And you were performing for staff? Yeah. Staff and a family of staff. Okay. And, uh. Not for sick children. No, no.

Uh, that would be very difficult. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, uh, don't have a lot of material that speaks to them, you know? Right. You know, uh. You have a lot of material that speaks to them you know right you know you don't have a material that speaks to any children really that's true um so you're at the yacht club yeah have you ever been i don't think so it's very fancy like uh when i walked in i was like oh you know I stick out like sore thumb. Everybody's dressed up, sewer nice.

And not even five seconds in there before somebody comes up. Can I help you, sir? Do you have any cans? Where do you leave your empties? And I was like, oh, I'm the entertainment. And they're like, oh, I'm so very sorry. Are you some kind of dancer yeah are you uh just gonna uh are you gonna do feats of strength oh uh yes the cannon is over here

you how we will be shooting a cannonball into your stomach oh that would be so great do you travel with your own cannon or i just have that in my rider must have cannon will bring own cannonballs uh standard cannon should fit this type of cannon but i use uh i use secret showbiz cannonballs yeah Yeah. That's where I get you. And so, you know, crazy food and everybody was. What kind of crazy food? Like just everything. Lobster hats? They had lobster hats. They had roast beef mittens.

They had a whole fish on a stick. Like it was a campfire? Yeah Were they Cast away? They had macaroni That had been put on construction paper And then boiled Oh wow

Yeah They ruined kids crafts So you could have a macaroni salad Yeah And the people were very very nice They ruined kids crafts. So you could have a macaroni salad. Yeah. And, uh, the, the people were very, very nice. Uh, there were fans of the podcast there that, uh, that I met after the show and that was great. But, uh, yeah, the show, like they, speaking of Bob Barker microphones, that's what they

had. I love it. Was it still attached to a lectern? It was very, it was, uh, yeah, it was tethered to the lectern. It wasn't like attached. It had been unscrewed. But, and so I, you know, did the set. And you did all your sound effects and voices in that weird microphone?

Don't you usually bring a special microphone? I do, but I was like, I think this will work. And it didn't. And they booed me. Bring a special microphone? I do, but I was like, I think this will work, and it didn't, and they booed me. Yeah, it was okay, but it's the same thing with every Christmas party where it's like mostly people just want to drink and talk to each other. Yeah. You know what I mean?

As long as there's alcohol, everything will kind of take care of itself. Yeah, you don't need to hire entertainment. Yeah. It was nice to do it uh and then i i helped with a like a prize draw and uh and then then i skedaddled and i got i as soon as i was done i scram get out of here yeah they made me cookies that was very nice what kind uh chocolate chip okay uh gingerbread would be nice this time of year. They were like shortbread with chocolate chip in them. Does that count?

I would like some gingerbread cookies. Yes. That's what I'm asking. Would you like them just cookie form or gingerbread men? Men. Yeah. Or ladies. All except a house.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Every year I think like, I'm going to do that. And I never do. It's not worth it because all the fun in gingerbread is eating it. That's true. All the fun in candy is eating it too. Or snorting it.

Oh, yeah. I know a guy who did that. This time of year it's good to snort gingerbread. That would hurt so much. A little man's arm. A little tiny gingerbread leg. One of my roommates is very into the Christmas thing. So she's decorated the whole.

There's tinsel and stockings above the fireplace. I believe hung there with care. Okay, good. Yeah. Were there any, is anything stirring? Yep. My roommate, my other roommate has a mixer, so it's always going and stirring. But yeah, so she's getting into the whole thing.

So I wouldn't be surprised if she did a gingerbread house. Okay. Did you do that when you were a kid where you just glued gingerbread to a milk carton? No, no, no. That's how we did it. Glued it to it? Well, with frosting or glue. We melted horse hooves.

But you know, like the old thing was you just put candy on and then you just eat it. Yeah. Right. Like with the second you were done, you just start picking it apart. Yeah. You wouldn't like leave it out. Some people do that. I know some people do.

And it's a waste because it's so good. are picking yes yeah you wouldn't like leave it out some people do that i know some people do and it's a waste because it's so good i just want it like i it bothers me that any gingerbread is wasted because i love it so much is there uh like similar to chocolate chip cookie dough is there like gingerbread cookie dough that people eat oh i don, have you had that? Probably not. Trader Joe's has that sort of cookie butter. No. What? It's like peanut butter, which is a reference you don't get.

Yep. I know what it looks like. But they have, it's this spreadable stuff that tastes a little bit like gingerbread. Ah. And you spread it on toast. Yeah. Some people think it's gross, but it's really good on Ah. And you spread it on toast. Yeah. Some people think it's gross, but it's really good on toast. But you.

Speculoos. You like, you like a sweet thing on toast. I guess so. Yeah. You put a sprinkle. Will you do a marmalade? I mean, everyone likes a sweet thing on toast. Peanut butter.

Jam. Yeah. Fluff. Is peanut butter, peanut butter's not sweet, is it? Peanut butter's sweet. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Huh. I mean, there's.

I thought it was salty. It's both. Weird. Yeah. That's why people like it so much. Yeah. It's got the mix. It's great.

Yeah, cookie butter. Sure, why not? You know? Whatever. Mm-hmm. You know, it's a time where people are snorting chocolate. They're mainlining candy canes. Yeah, so then I went and saw Friends.

The play based on the TV show? Yeah. Yeah. Just based on the Christmas episode. Oh. Yeah. What happens in the Christmas episode? Ross has to explain to his son about Hanukkah. Oh. Yeah. What happens in the Christmas episode? Ross has to explain to

his son about Hanukkah and he dresses up like an armadillo. Oh yeah yeah yeah. Joey dresses up like Superman. Yep. Yeah.

Because they were out of a Santa costume? Yeah and my friends put on a production of that. Wait your friends did friends? Yeah my friends did

friends the Christmas episode live. Oh, it was weird. What are Monica, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe doing in that episode? I think. I don't like the ones with Ross's other family. Rachel has to help with the thing, with the kid. then phoebe phoebe might be pregnant at the time yeah and i think monica is cleaning she had to clean okay yeah and uh chandler makes some

quips yeah he dresses as santa chandler shows up as santa okay. Ross shows up as an armadillo. Joey is Superman. Yeah. And then Ross tells the kid about the Maccabees and the oil that burns. Oh, I heart Maccabees. So, yeah, like a friend's band was playing, so I went and saw that. There's a friend's themed band? Yeah, they only play I Won't Be There For You. They play Brandt's covers.

And Hootie and the Blowfish. And anything featured on that first Friends soundtrack. There was more than one? Yeah, there must have been more than one. There must have been more than one. They just released that after season one. I believe I got it from Columbia House. I got to pick seven?

Yeah, that was number seven. Yeah, I kind of like that show, friends, I guess. I'm just still figuring out what I like, so I'll get that, get the Aladdin soundtrack. I wonder if there was music inspired by Cheers. Because they had a good theme song, great theme song. A great theme song. And then there must have been some music on it at some point. Yeah.

Did they have a jukebox? Yeah. The fawns would come in. I can't remember. They had a pool table. Yeah. And a dartboard. I always weirded out when they went in the back.

Right? Parlor. Yeah. It was like, it didn't match with the rest of the set uh also that there was a restaurant upstairs yeah because you would sometimes just see people coming and going from upstairs but you never saw upstairs yeah did you yeah what was it called i don't know was um oh it was something different than cheers yeah Yeah. Weird. And it was a nice restaurant. Yeah. Huh.

Huh. Hmm. Yeah. A lot of mystery surrounding. I'd watch a Cheers documentary. Yeah, me too. How that came together. How the guy from Grizzly Man was almost Woody.

Did you know that? No. Yeah. I never saw Grizzly Man. I saw Project Grizzly instead. Yeah, the guy, before he was Grizzly Man, he was an actor, and it was down to him and Woody Harrelson for the role of Woody. Now, I know this isn't true, but is he Bear Grylls?

No. Bear Grylls is the guy who famously drinks his own pee. But he's named after a bear. And a Gryllsly bear. Oh, no, it's a Gryllsly bear. The bear that drinks its own pee. What's that bear doing? He's more afraid of your pee than you are of i than you are of his uh okay so you saw

this friends themed band yeah and that that was great they did a great job um every time i look at you i go blah every time i look at you was that an original no that No, that was a cover. No, that was a cover of 5440. Ah, well done. Thanks. And then what else went on? You know, just soaking up the holiday cheer, I guess. You know? How genuine are you about soaking up? Very not.

Oh, okay. I've been trying to get in. I've been watching a lot of Christmas movies A lot of Christmas episodes of television shows Yeah I watched Elf Crying Oh, speaking of which I've been really watching a lot of episodes of Elf Is it on Netflix?

No, it's on YouTube Like every episode's on YouTube And it's very weird When they transition from the puppet To the, I assume, small person wearing the elf costume. Doesn't look as seamless as I remember it. Falling into all these trap doors. Yeah, but it's, you know what?

First season, pretty good. Pretty funny, like good lines. And then it's, I'm surprised it ran for four seasons. Like I'm surprised they didn't run out of ideas after that first season. I'm pretty sure they ran out of ideas after episode one. Yeah. And then, yeah, like I watched every Christmas episode of The Office. Yeah, like I watched every Christmas episode of The Office and every Christmas episode of 30 Rock.

And I'm just working through it. I'm just trying to Christmas myself up. It's not catching, though. Okay. It's not working. Yeah, for me, it's the music and the food that really makes me just look forward to the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. What do you do on Christmas Eve?

Like a spaghetti? A Christmas spaghetti? Yeah, we do a big Christmas spaghetti. Here's what we do. We go to my aunt and uncle's house. We have a roast beef and then weird things that I don't like, like pickled herring and curried fruit. Gross. And this stuff called ass pick.

What? It's this uh gross it's a tomato jelly with shrimp in it oh man but i mean like the food i look forward to is gingerbread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is, uh... An eggnog. Oh, yeah, I noticed you had some nog upstairs. I had some radnog. Are you, uh, do you drink it just straight, or do you put a little, uh... Oh, I drink it straight. Do you put it on your cereal? I put it in my coffee, put it on my cereal.

I, uh, wash my car with it. Have you ever done that? Put it on your cereal? No. Oh, it's gross. Well, it depends on my cereal. I wash my car with it. Have you ever done that? Put it on your cereal? No. Oh, it's gross. Well, it depends on your cereal. No, but you get like one bite in, you're like delicious.

And then the second bite, you're like, well, I'm over this. But if it was like a rice crispy, I think it would be fine as opposed to a Fruit Loop. Oh yeah, Fruit Loop. I'm not a big Fruit Loop guy. No?

No, never have been, but. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's okay. No, I'm not a big Froot Loop guy. No? No, never have been, but. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's okay. No, I'm fine. But the, it's, I think it's the color freaked me out. Yeah, all of the colors. Yeah, like I, it was like eating Skittles for breakfast. I'm not opposed to that.

Yeah, with a little eggnog on there. Yeah, what do I eat on Christmas Eve? Besides the traditional Christmas. You don't go, you haven't been with your family on Christmas Eve in Besides the traditional Christmas. You don't go. You haven't been with your family on Christmas Eve in a few years. Happy. Yeah. Travel on Christmas Day.

Yeah. So usually I go drinking, but all my drinking compatriots are gone different cities this year. So may. What am I? I'm going to eat something crazy. Okay. Like something like, like something that you have to order four days in advance from like a place.

From a website. Yeah. Uh, I don't know. I don't know what though. But I'm open to suggestion. That jelly with the shrimp, maybe without the shrimp. Yeah, come over to my uncle's house. Oh, he'd ass pick.

All of the most fun, like all the most fun things to say. Yeah. All the fun foods to say are around this time of year. On Christmas morning, we'll have some Stolen. What's Stolen? It's this weird bread with, I think, currants in it. It's like stuff I don't want to eat, but it's fun to talk about. Yeah.

It's a big time for currants. Dates really make a big splash. Oh yeah. Fruitcakes. My, my, my, it was my birthday this week. That's right. And, uh, my parents. 34 years young.

We had a, uh, uh, cake and my parents also got out, they were cleaning out their freezer and they had their old wedding cake. Really? From their wedding 46 years ago 1969 and it was a fruit cake ew and that apparently was quite common in the 60s but so it was like a fruit cake with frosting frosting on it yeah how do you know that they don't every year defrost it push it into each other's face and then then put a bag in the fridge. We have ours, but it's three years old. And I think we ate some on our first anniversary.

Was it chocolate? It was chocolate with raspberry. Oh, yeah. Yeah, fruitcake. I remember my aunt got married. She had carrot cake. You know what? It's fine.

It wasn't. Because, man, I took a big bite of it and i was so upset oh i don't i don't recall being so upset eating a cake ever whatever like um cake's a loser uh oh what is that thing that somebody sent me ages ago? It was like the turducken of, but it was like a cake, a pie and a cake. Oh, yeah. It's called chimpumple or whatever. Sure. Maybe I'll eat, maybe I'll eat one of those. Yeah. Yeah.

Do something, uh, fun, like from the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, uh, some kind of cronut. Some sort of challenge. Oh, just do this cinnamon challenge. Yeah. Is that like you try to eat a teaspoon, tablespoon? Yeah.

Yeah. That'll be fun. Tables a teaspoon, tablespoon? Yeah. Yeah. That'll be fun, I think. That won't kill very much time and it will get cinnamon all over my walls. Like that Sheila E song, just cinnamon walls? I don't know what that's a reference to. Sugar walls.

Oh, there we go. Is it Sheila E or Sheena Easton? Damn you, 80s. Is it DeBarge or El DeBarge? Or Christaburg? Yeah. I don't know. We've got to just continue watching every Christmas everything.

Yeah, you'll get in the mood. You'll get in the mode, right? Is there, besides eggnog, is there a Christmas drink? Sherry? Is that? That seems like a thing that people drink around Christmas. Yeah. What do we...

No, we don't really do any of that. There are weird... Not drinks, but we have the figgy pudding with hard sauce. I don't know what that is. Is that a meat? Hard sauce? Is that what that's called? It's basically just frosting.

It's more frosting. Oh, is figgy pudding actually pudding? Yeah. Well, no, it's like a wad. I don't eat it. I don't like it. I took a cab the other night. The guy was playing the Christmas station, and there was a song called Grandma Got Run

Over by a Reindeer. That song, it's really like, that's a real foul song. How so? Well, she dies. Oh. Yeah, and, you know, like, she forgets her medication, and she's like some, like, you know, she's got dementia, and then she gets run over by a reindeer.

Yeah. And also that she had claw marks on her face. Oh, so. So Santa attacked her with his claw hands. Santa and his animantian claws. But like, okay, so she got run over by a reindeer. But why did Santa then like molest the corpse? Sounds like an X-File.

Anyways, the best to you and yours. Yeah. from all of us here to all of you there yeah have a uh festive funky funky christmas a boogie wiggy christmas i want to find like yeah like i want to watch like the family matters christmas special sure because surely there was many years of those. Yeah. No one's stopping you. Step by step. Uh-huh.

Any other ones I might be missing? Well, you were going through. Empty Nest. Oh, sure. A very empty Christmas. Empty Nest. Whatever else. Like the Golden Girls.

Saved by the Bell. Mm-hmm. That's a good one. There's a homeless guy and his daughter and oh yeah and they live in the mall or something or they live in his car car outside the mall she works in the mall yeah but surely with her uh mall money they could afford a hotel room a hotel is more expensive than an apartment who is it that said that, who is it, the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots is living in a hotel? No, Creed.

Oh, Creed. Yeah. What is his name? Scott. Scott Stapp. And why would you live in a hotel? I don't know. Yeah.

It's like, what are you, Madeline? Is that the kid from, who's the kid who lives in the hotel in the books? I don't think she lives in a Best Western. Zach and Cody. This is a magical story of a little girl who lives in a Sandman Inn. Oh, wow. It is cheaper to live in an apartment. Yeah.

No matter what hotel. And so much more anonymous. Like because you know. Yeah. I'm broke but I still don't like cleaning up after myself. So I'm living in a hotel. I wonder if he's trying to send a message to somebody. Like or like because why like what you say when you stay with a friend or buy a trailer or anything but stay in a hotel?

Yeah. Like, maybe he's trying to attract a reality show or something. Oh, yeah. The Suite Life of Scott Stapp. He's just always getting into shenanigans. The opening sequence, you see him in one of those trays, the room service trays, getting wheeled into somebody's room. So he can steal their socks. Their songs?

Their socks. Okay. Both make sense. Do you want to move on to Overheard? Yeah. All right. Hey, everybody. I'm Emily.

And I'm Lisa. We co-host Baby Geniuses every other Monday on Maximum Fun. We interview comedians, musicians, cartoonists, circus clowns, and experts in the field of... Join us every other Monday. Yay. Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis Mc, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

And we host the first podcast ever made, My Brother, My Brother. Every Monday, we put out the first ever advice comedy podcast ever. They found our podcast on Dead Sea Scrolls. We're the Hammurabi Code of podcasts, and we're ready to entertain you with jokes. So we invented the first jokes. So join us every Monday on MaximumFun.org. You'll never crack our code, Dan Brown. Just try me.

It's history in the making. And in the faking. And it's all yours for the taking. Overheard. Overheards. Now, if you're new to the podcast welcome yeah don't go back to listening to episode one no do go back because there's a lot of um it's kind of like the star wars like you gotta know the stuff uh to get the other stuff do you you, so there's a new Star Wars coming out? Yeah. Do you have to watch all six or just the 70s and 80s ones?

You have to watch all six. You have to read all the books. Oh, no. You have to do a coloring book. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. You have to do all the books. You have to listen to the record.

The books are. Read a long book. The books are no longer canon because the movie has, the new movie has changed some things. Oh, but you should read them to know what's not canon anymore sure then you should read nick cannon's autobiography to find out what he how did he snag mariah carey and then you should get shot by a cannon like graham's nightclub act number one nightclub act in the country. Overheards is where we. Do you think anyone's ever been shot out of a cannon into a guy? Into somebody else's belly.

Yeah. And I think it's like, you know, I'd like to see that x-ray. You know, a guy's skull inside of a guy's stomach. Was it get embedded? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I think so. Or not just like an x-ray of it happening

oh i would like to see that yeah set up an x-ray machine wow have you seen those uh the the films of uh different people doing stuff and it's all x-ray like drinking a glass of water and then you see like what the tongue does and everything it's really gross films yeah like uh they did them at you know some you caltech or something like that they made these series of films of like people technically they're movies they're epics they're popcorn movies uh the one of the guy farting is amazing because you're like what does that look like i know what it sounds like i know what it smells like yeah i know what it feels like yeah you're right but an x-ray like is bone well you can see all the organs and stuff okay yeah and it's great. It's great. There's also one where it's like a guy does it onto like a heat-sensitive camera.

Oh, man. The thing is you don't know how much gas is involved. There's a lot. I know how much gas is involved. The human body is amazing. Yeah. You can do all sorts of tricks. Yeah, we can talk about this.

Anyways, the one of the guy drinking water is so gross. It's best not to know what's going on when you're drinking. That's why I don't drink any more water. I saw that. I'm like, gross though. Yeah. So I'll see you guys. I'll be dead in eight days.

Yeah, I'm only drinking melted fudge from now on. Which doesn't look gross. But overheards are things that we overheard out there in the wild. And we always start with the guests, but there's no guests. So I was going to say, let's start with Dave. Sure. I'm just checking through my notes. Joe Walsh sure looks like Gerard Depardieu in the 70s.

He does kind of. Oh, wait. It's time for my favorite segment on the show. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, we have a new segment on the show called Trending. Oh, go on. That's where I check out various trends that are trending right now. For instance, are birds getting fatter this year?

I've been seeing a lot of fat ass winter birds I think birds always get fat in the winter Don't they? Don't they fly south? Oh I don't know What are all these round ball shaped birds I'm seeing? Oh those are angry birds Oh okay

Yeah just throw a pig at them It'll be fun That's what's trending Also Walking casts I sure see a lot of people in walking casts. I saw a guy in walking cast and shorts. What?

Lately? Yeah. In this weather? Yeah. In this economy? No thanks. I miss crutches. I think these walking casts are over prescribed.

Yeah. Also, what's the deal? Oh boy. Tell me more. Tell me how you really feel when did walking cats become a thing because they're they're like the only cast now i never see people in a big plaster cast no unless they're having their mold of their face or genitals and if so i want to see an x-ray of that um i don't know can you you can sign a walking cast, so that's unfortunate.

No. Yeah. All right. There's my overhead. That was trending. You're right, though. I have seen a lot of people with them. Also, when I went to Edmonton last week, I took a flight from Edmonton to here.

Both cities very cold surprising number of people wearing shorts on uh both ends so what's the deal yeah come on people yeah i feel more comfortable you're making everybody else less comfortable so how does that because it's so cold your leg hairs are standing up and it looks gross everyone can see your goose flesh even just saying that grosses me out well because it's a gross gross phrase yeah goose flesh is it goose flesh here's your pound of goose flesh um all right my overheard it takes place at a hospital wait no coffee shop why did you confuse the two ambulance takebulance, take me to a coffee shop.

I'm in a hospital. It was at a coffee shop. All right. Up the street where they make wonderful coffee. And this awful woman was there. And she took a sip of her coffee and went up to the barista and said, this is awful. What kind of coffee is this? It's awful.

I'm giving up coffee, and this was going to be my last cup. Oh, brother. She wanted to like, give me something to remember coffee by, and this coffee you're making, it's so bad. I don't think there's anything quite as,

I don't want to say annoying but grating as somebody who's trying to quit coffee like they really are you know because you don't have to it's not like cigarettes like you have to quit smoking social uh like oh i can't i don't have to go outside to drink this coffee yeah like if like if you want a quick coffee, that's fine. Do it on your own time. Yeah, don't make it everybody else's situation. And don't do it at a coffee shop. Yeah, this was supposed to be a romantic cup of coffee. Yeah.

One that I dreamt about. No, if anything, you want your last cup of coffee to be lousy so that you don't. Exactly, so you don't, you know, just get a cup. Look back fondly. But yeah, like, I know I get that you can complain about something. Like, you know, if something you buy isn't satisfactory, you can, may I have another one? But she was laying it on really thick. She made all this backstory.

Yeah, that's, I think that's like. Also, i would not be able to tell a bad cup of coffee from a good one no and i feel bad paying anything more than a dollar for a cup of coffee like i'm like you know anytime that it's yeah like two something i'm the same but i feel bad playing paying more than five because because it's expensive i cannot i can't even fathom so there was a like when i worked at a coffee shop there was somebody used to come in every day and they got a chai soy latte with like a shot of this and a shot of that and it came out to be like 750 a day maroon that's like going to a movie every day in that day. I used to wear, it was 1975. Is that how much a movie was in 1975?

I don't know. No, it was a nickel. Everything before we were born was a nickel. Yeah, that's right. And then we'll have to tell kids. I also don't know how, like this Eagles documentary, I don't know how people got rich when concert tickets were a dollar and a record cost a dollar fifty.

Like, I don't know how all these musicians are super rich. Yeah, but I mean, because they, because people bought stuff, I guess. I guess so, but like. Yeah, but you're right, like a ticket was like two dollars or something. And then when we were teenagers,

CDs were $20. Yeah. And now you buy them online honestly for $10 or dishonestly for $0. But I think that's why so many musicians now like they just will sell their music to a video game or an ad. Yeah. You know, like that's where money comes from now. Yeah. Instead of albums.

Albums are like almost beside the point. Like, you know, you just are the person from the Target ad. You know, I have 60 minutes to kill. I guess I better listen to other songs by fun, period. I was weird. uh i was weird i was watching like uh some website and it said like here here's a list of 20 people that if you're over 20 you've never heard of but have millions of youtube subscribers oh right right right and uh okay like it's all people that their fan base is like 14 year old kids or whatever. And, uh, but they're like, I don't know.

I thought you meant the other way around. Like if you're under 20, you've never heard of these kinds of people. And it was like a newspaper delivery man. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Like a door encyclopedia. Just encyclopedia. Yeah, sure.

Like a door encyclopedia, just encyclopedia. Yeah, sure. Um, there used to be an ad with a sassy dude about encyclopedias. Mm hmm. Do you remember that? Dude,

you're getting a Britannica. He would say, uh, what happened to that Dell guy? Dell close. He's rich. Uh, no.

Do you think so? The Dell guy? Yeah. Yeah. Huh? He invented Dell computers. He's rich. No, do you think so? The Del guy? Yeah. Yeah. He invented Del computers. He was the Steve Jobs of Del. No, he wasn't, was he? His name is Rick Del.

Have you not seen Ashton Kutcher? Trying to think of... Will Dervalderama? Topher Grace is playing Rick Del. Will Dervalderama is what I wanted. Oh, well. In Dell. Yeah, in Dell.

Yeah, it's just the most boring, like, yeah, just lots of meetings. Yeah, we decided this was the best way to sell them, and this was the price we could make. Yeah, this is our price point. There's a whole half an hour about price points. What color? What color logo? Are these better than HPs?

Yeah, they are. What about compact Preserios? We don't talk about that. You haven't overheard. I do. Mine is something that happened to me. What? I've never had this happen before.

Oh, it's a penthouse forum letter. Yeah. I never thought it would happen to me. I was walking up Burrard Street. Shout out, Burrard Street. And this guy came up to me and asked, you know, do you have any change? And I was like, nope, I don't have anything on me. And then he said, do you got a card?

And I was like, what do you mean? Well, at first I was like, I just want to make sure this guy isn't asking for a business card. Cause I did have one of those. Oh yeah. Yeah. You've got great business cards. Yeah. And I said, what do you mean?

And he says, you know, like a bank card. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, do you want to take out some money? And I was like,

here's what I got to do. I got to go to a bank that, that has, gives me nothing lower than 20. Yeah. Do you want me to then go break that 20 elsewhere? Give you the change or just give you the 20? What's the transaction you had in mind when you started off this conversation?

Anyways, it was my mistake for stopping. Should have just plowed right through. You know what beggars can't be? Dictators? Yeah. That's true. Hey, do you have on your card i have a visa right here yeah um and you can either uh it used to be well you would swipe it yeah or or they you would give it to them and they would swipe it yeah and then you would give it to them or no then you would swipe

it yourself and now you you chip and pin it yourself. Yeah. Do you have this thing here where you tap it? I haven't tapped it. I've never tapped it. But I've never, no, I'm too scared. I'm too scared of it going wrong. I'm too scared of going like, and then it not working and me looking like an idiot.

But I've never, like, I don't know what the tapping, I've never seen anyone do it. No. But I think I had an opportunity the other day. To tab it? Yeah, I'll do it next time. But it was in the self-checkout line, so I felt like I could have done it with no one seeing it.

Because the first time you try it, it's like, boop? Yeah. It's like tabbing someone on the nose? But, like, if you boop it more than once, then does it just keep charging you? Do you boop it and then you pin? Boop and pin? I don't know what makes that more convenient than just putting it in the thing.

I have no idea. It's a good point though. Thank you. I think they wanted that to catch on, but then they didn't realize that nobody knows how to do it. They wanted that to catch on, but then they didn't realize that nobody knows how to do it. Well, it seems like it would be super convenient, but it also seems like it would be super easy to accidentally. Like if you're walking past. It's just everybody.

It's like if you're walking past a cashier while someone else is checking out. Oh, he accidentally booped. Hey, your groceries are on that guy. He accidentally booped my. Hey, your groceries are on that guy. Now, we also have overheards that have been sent in by people around the world. Okay. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to SPY. Desperado. That's another song by the Eagles.

Oh, I didn't know they did Desperado. Yeah. What? Riding Fences is a part of that song yeah what does that mean um it's like a masturbation thing uh it's like what cowboys would do to get their rocks off hey get on my fence you filthy cowboy i know what you're doing up there that's why they invented barbed wire oh i've seen that movie pamela anderson movie barbed wire oh i've seen that movie the pamela anderson movie barbed wire to masturbate to instead of riding fences ah pretty good um this goes from uh scott j petrie in birmingham england

don't we not give last names? Oh, yeah, right. Damn it. This one, this first one, comes from Scott JP. That'll be fun when I don't edit this. In Birmingham, England. In Birmingham, E. This is a couple of students. This is Wilst, he says, working in a local school for teenage delinquents. Oh, man.

That's got to be, whoever's the class clown of that class is the ultimate class clown. Isn't there, there's like a BBC or some British show about delinquent British kids? It's cool. I don't know. Maybe they have superpowers. Oh, it's probably called Bad Lads. Yep, that's the one. So this is two girls talking to each other. Girl one, I only spat at her and hit her in the face with a bar.

Girl two, there is no way you could call that assault. Depends on the bar. Yeah. Crow? That's a salt. Soap? Yeah, not. Yeah, that you were just trying to wash their face with your spit and soap.

As a new father, that is a, I can say that that's a, I sympathize with my parents cleaning a kid's face with your own saliva. It's because it's all you have, right? And your kid always has something on their face. It's like in Palestine, why they throw rocks. It's all they have. That's right. Yeah. And it's, but it's always a parent's spit has, it has curative properties as well.

That's why cats. That's why cats. The musical. Now. that's why cats the musical um now i will also say that um i get barfed on every day oh yeah yeah and i get uh sometimes a diaper bursts on me and that's all fine the one thing that grosses me out is pulling a booger out of the kid yeah good snout yeah that is disgusting and uh you know you'll find more gross things as they as you go on god willing who where was i was like uh i was at this coffee shop there's a coffee shop very do you mean a hospital oh yeah yeah where wait which one has the operating table coffee

shop yeah um this uh coffee shop kind of caters to parents oh yeah it's got like there's a lot of kids and there's like a little play area playstation playstation 2 uh and um uh whenever i'm in there and i just like have a cup of coffee or like a piece of pie or whatever i just look at the kids and they're just, they just gross me out, man. Like they are just doing the grossest thing. One kid puts down a thing that was just in his mouth and another kid just comes and picks it up and puts it in his mouth.

It's just very, I know. Kids, germs. But don't vaccinate them. No, no, no,

no, they're fine. They're going to build up an immunity. Yeah. Uh, like on survivor. Um, this next one comes from Gavin W.

Oh, okay. Gavin W. This is in Toronto. Uh, last week while riding the TTC, I had a good fortune of seeing the following incident. A teenage boy got on the bus and slowly went to sit down at the same moment that he was sitting.

The driver quickly left the stop and the boy was jolted and fell into the seat and onto the plastic bag of an older man who was already sitting there. Setting the scene. The teenager quickly jumped up and apologized and proceeded to take a seat. The older man said, that's all right. I'm sure he's okay. The older man then picked up his bag and opened it. He took out another bag from inside that one and opened that to take out one last bag with something inside of it.

I was not disappointed about what came out of that last bag. The man reached in and pulled out a live lobster and says, see, he's just fine. And then proceeded to make the lobster dance. Much to the kid's delight. Oh my God.

Yeah. Pretty great. Hello, my baby. Hello, my honey. This guy's got it all upside down and backwards. He's taking the bus, but he's eating lobster for dinner. I know, right? You know, lobster is so good.

I would, if it meant giving up an automobile to take it i would definitely yeah i would definitely have you ever done have you ever cooked from a like from alive and then that's probably yeah that's probably how you can afford it because uh you get them it's all brown and sludgy yeah yeah do you have to wash them first then put them in a pot, then boil them, then wash them again? No. Wash them? Well, wouldn't they have like, don't they have filth on them?

No, you're putting them in water. Like boiling water is pretty clean and you're also not eating their exoskeleton. I don't know anything about it. I just know I've seen it. I know that it's a rich food. That's all I know. It's the best food. They actually have them now. Sometimes you can

get them at the grocery store for like two lobster tails for eight bucks. It's pretty good. What's wrong with them though? They're frozen, I guess. I don't know. They're fine. They're great. Yeah. Yeah. Put them on the barbecue. Oh, I thought it was only shrimp that you put on the barbecue. Yeah, only. I don't know. They're fine. They're great. Yeah. Yeah. Put them on the barbecue. Oh, I thought it was only shrimp that you put on the barbecue. Yeah, only.

I can absolutely identify with the beginning of that story because as a young man taking the bus, I was not the most coordinated. But I believe that I was pretty coordinated, so I wouldn't hold on to the bar or whatever. You landed in a lot of laps. Yeah. And trying to make it to the back of the bus before the bus takes off oh yeah i still still if i'm walking and the bus starts going it feels like you're walking against speed and time like the bus is like a miniature embarrassment factory yeah just. Just being on it. But I mean, a guy doing a dance with a lobster. Oh boy.

Uh, this last one comes from Skylar A in Anchorage, Alaska. Uh, this is a man in suburban neighborhood blowing gravel out of a gutter with a leaf blower. As he was putting the blower back in his car, I heard him say,

check mate. Think that gravel? Yeah. as he was putting the blower back in his car, I heard him say, Checkmate. Like that gravel? Yeah. Checkmate. That's a real, he's kind of like the Bruce Willis of gravel blowing. Yippee-ki-yay, gravel, gravel. Gravel, rovel.

In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 206-339-8328, like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and guests. This is Katie in Ohio coming in with a overheard slash could say the darndest. I was at a zoo with my friend and her two small children today. I was hanging out with the one that was about four years old while he was checking out some ants.

There's two large ant farms and then like tubes connecting them where they could go between the two. And he was just zoned out watching the ants. And this little girl comes up to him who's probably three or four as well and is just the smoothest three-year-old girl. ants and this little girl comes up to him who's probably three or four as well uh and go it is just the the smoothest three-year-old girl uh i've ever seen she goes up to him she's like hey you want to see some more ants later he does not respond to this at all so she just kind of like keeps talking yeah seeing ants is pretty cool hey over, over there, you can see more ants.

You can see 169 ants. And at that point, he got very excited and followed her over to see the apparently precisely 169 ants. Thanks. That is smooth. Yeah, I guess ants are pretty cool. Anyways, I have an aunt and an uncle. It would be a good, if they were more advanced, if they were older, it would be a good pickup line to to say do you want to see some ants got ants in my pants yeah yeah yeah that's where i thought uh what kind of zoo just has ants i'll tell you uh no zoo at all

uh i've never yeah like it seems like a type of zoo that you would then go to the next exhibit it would just be a dog and then the common. Maybe it was a zoo that was made around... It was a trash zoo. Yeah, just like the animals around you. It was... She was calling from Ohio, which has the world-famous Columbus Zoo. Maybe that's it.

With Jungle Jack Hanna. Is he still alive? Yeah. I thought... Oh, good. I mean... Good, he owes me money. He cheats death every day by playing with these enormous bear cats.

I know, and I don't want him to die before I get my money. The bet was that a lion and a tiger were the same thing. I was like, nope. No, they're not. Here's your next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham, esteemed guest no this is charlie from virginia calling in with an overseen uh i'm a waiter at a restaurant and uh today i was pouring a water for this guy my table and his phone rings i uh look down to uh look at the

screen of his phone and the uh man calling him his name was uh armandito hot dog is there a mrs armandito hot dog um don't look at the customer's phone that's an invasion of privacy it's hard to though you know when it's just there and you don't have your phone out you gotta look at somebody else's oh yeah um uh I hate to be the guy who's like talking about his baby all the time. Yeah. She's very cute. Yeah. Oh, no kidding.

Yeah. She's worth it. Yeah. I just don't want to be the guy. Yeah. But yeah, no, it's like she's 11 weeks old and it's hard to not get her to look at screens. Oh, yeah. I guess that's a thing.

And you're not like they say you know don't let your baby have access to any screens for the first year but in this in this come on what do you want your baby to fall behind exactly i'm a little bit like oh she's gonna like i wish i had had more screen time as a child i had plenty i watched nothing but television all the time. Me too. But think of how advanced you'd be. You mean more advanced than I am now? Yeah. And you're the best in the biz.

I mean, that's kind of one of those limitless situations. Yeah, exactly. Think of how advanced. If we get her started earlier, we't you know what we shouldn't put an iphone up there yeah and she could uh she could figure out a way to kill robert de niro or al pacino whoever was in that it was robert de niro but i don't think they they killed him did they ah no he doesn't but he doesn't he kill a guy with using an ice skate i don't know anyways he doesn't no it's there is an ice skate involved

yeah but it's like he's I think is Charlize Theron is she in it or some woman no it's

like a Charlize Theron type oh Angela Lansbury yep that's the one she kills someone with an ice skate

it turns out that she did it so that's the greatest that's why she wrote it yeah it was easy to write because I killed the guy.

It was an ice skate. Here is your final overheard of 2014. Almost. Hey Dave and Graham and illustrious guests. I finally have a good overheard so I thought I'd call in. My mother and I were out having brunch

the other day and there was a table full of a couple of older gentlemen just kind of talking, shooting the breeze, and it looked like they were waiting for someone. A couple minutes later, a third older gentleman came in the door with kind of just a sour look on his face, kind of a frown. You could tell he was kind of putting on a face just to, you know, do it a little bit of a bit. And one of the guys at the table, when he comes in, they said,

hey, Frank, and he immediately responds, what's good about it? What's good about it? Yeah. Like he was just waiting for someone to say good morning yeah hey what's good about it um yeah what i don't know let's you don't know graham well when somebody says good morning or have a nice day they don't mean either of those things they just mean uh i'm greeting you or i am bidding you adieu yeah they're not waiting for more conversation or like how's it going they are

absolutely not waiting for more conversation yeah but you know this is the most charming way to do it you say how's it going and then the person goes i can't complain fun right easy peasy especially if you're like uh like like very obviously in a lot of pain or you're just a head in a jar yeah yeah exactly i can't complain i can't complain yeah who would listen anyways I'll see you later, Frank. Ah, pretty good. Sure. Someday your daughter is going to listen to these things. Yeah.

You know, like, if my dad had recordings of him just shooting the breeze. Would you start with the episode where you had just been born or would you go back? Would you care about anything before you were born? Like the Eagles? I care very much about the Eagles. So much so I financed a three-hour documentary about them. To be fair, it's two documentaries. But I was fully prepared to watch a three-hour documentary. But then the credits start rolling two hours in.

Cause you're like the band breaks up two hours in here. Like what are they going to do for the last hour? And then credits roll. And then it's actually part two starts right now, but I've never seen that in a Netflix where they have closing credits. And then another thing starts. Oh, so it must've been from somewhere else.

Like, uh, I think they probably, I think they probably, uh, pirated it. The eagles don't even know. Well, that brings us to the end of this year episode.

Donuts. Yeah. Now, if you want to get in touch with us, the best way is telegram, singing telegram. Oh boy. I've never been sent one. No, me neither. Christmas is around the corner. It's a singing stripping telegram.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would insist on it. Of a barbershop quartet, all stripping. Stripping out of their vests, out of their boater hats. Oh, it'd take forever. Oh boy. Goodbye my Coney Island baby. You know,

you can get in touch with us by email spy at maximumfund.org. You can get in touch with us by telephone

206-339-8328. You can get in touch with us by Twitter. By Twitter, sure. If you want to say hey,

it's at Dave Shumka. At Graham Clark. You can get in touch with us by twitter by twitter sure if you want to say hey it's uh at dave shumka at graham clark yeah you can get in touch with us by instagram the the key is to not be a stranger you know what i mean we want to know what's going on with you we're in a facebook group there's a facebook group where uh people post things and uh some people stay in one place anymore. Is that Linda Ronstadt? No. Is that Carole King? Yeah.

Carole King. There is a Reddit. There's a Reddit. Yeah. Subreddit. You can go ask us questions on Reddit. It's called Maximum Fun. You could go to Wikipedia.

There's a Maximum Fun page there. Yeah. You could fill in. You could add stuff Wikipedia. There's a Maximum Fun page there. Yeah. You could fill in. You could add stuff to this stuff. It's lean. It's not so much. Like, it was pretty hearty at a time, but I don't think it's been updated in years. Yeah.

Like, someone listed all of our guests three years ago. So, thanks, that guy. I guess that guy died. Oh, yeah. Yes, and condolences to that guy. This is coming out on December 15th. That guy died. Oh yeah. Uh, yes. And condolences to that guy. Um, um, this is coming out on December 15th.

So, uh, uh, nine, 10 more days. Yeah. Nine more shopping days, 10 more sleeps,

10 more sleeps. Uh, and then, you know, uh, 16 more sleeps till it's 2015. Oh boy. The end of planet earth,

2015. Uh, and then in January, if you want to come see a show in Toronto, you can at the next stage theater festival. And what's that show called? Graham Clark reads the phone book. And where's the tickets available for that?

Uh, Toronto fringe.com. And you're there for like 10 days. Yeah. The seven, well, the seventh to the 18th. Yeah.

Staying at an Airbnb. Real excited. Oh, yeah. Whereabouts? So. Dunder. That's fine. Dunder.

There's also a recap blog at MaximumFun.org where we'll post pictures and videos of things we talked about in the show. You know, some Eagles songs. Yeah. Well, no more than one. Snorting chocolate. Sniff oh yeah i forgot about that uh the you know the things you talked about a lobster oh yeah a lot to dancing lobster rock lobster um and uh you know if you like the show tell your friends oh you Oh, you could leave an iTunes review of this show or another show.

If we're giving out links, go to maxfunstore.com and buy our t-shirt. Yeah, buy a t-shirt for a loved one or a hated one. And I wonder if you can get them by Christmas. Well, Cyber Monday's already gone past. Yep. Even in the present time. Did you cyber the one you loved? Yeah, yeah.

I sent all of my best friend's erotic messages. Okay. So, I'm good. Good for this year. And if you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.