Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 355 - Conor Holler

Episode Date: January 6, 2015

Conor Holler returns to talk firing people, garbage dumps, and Santa photos.

This episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported in part by FXX, presenting Man Seeking Woman, a new surreal dating comedy from former SNL writer Simon Rich and executive producer Lorne Michaels. Starring Jay Baruchel of This Is The End and Eric Andre of The Internship. Series premiere January 14th at 10.30pm on FXX. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Woo!

Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 355 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man they call Baby New Year, Mr. Dave Chumka. Goo goo ga ga. 2015. I know, this is going to be the year that it all happens. Oh boy, I hope so. Going to lose it. We're going to lose our virginities together. But not in that way. Maybe. Oh, boy, I hope so. We're going to lose it. We're going to lose our virginities together.

But not in that way. Maybe. Well, who knows? Yeah, that's a weird thing with those like American Pie type movies where they're like, we got to lose our virginity. Why don't they just lose it to each other? Yeah, the answer's right in front of you.

Yeah, that's true. That's like, yeah, there's no place like home. He was under your nose the whole time, et cetera, et cetera. Anyway, so, well, I've derailed that plot. Yeah. That potential plot for future films. This is our, we should do like a script doctor podcast where we find plot holes. The drags in act two.

Yeah. That sort of thing um uh it's too much uh uh exposition yeah or uh in the case of uh fred claus not enough exposition to make me believe that vince vaughn is related to santa claus yeah it just really like uh anyways i was watching it this morning like i'm turning this off. Oh, by the way, we are recording this on January 5th. Yeah, that's right. Our guest today, a very memorable guest, repeat guest.

I don't know how many times you've been on the podcast, but it's a treat to have you back. Comedian, producer, improviser, Connor Haller. Oh, thank you for having me Thanks for coming back Yeah, hey guys, this is great It's great to have you here Because you're not a local anymore So it's like it's fun whenever you're in town

It's great to be back You know, I got back a couple days ago And I love it Did everybody meet you at the airport? My mom and dad Oh, my mom and dad met me at the airport Wait, let's get to know us Okay

Get to know us okay go so they um they showed up and my mom was really enthusiastic to see me she was like oh great welcome i'm so happy to see you and my dad had been driving around the loop at the airport like 10 times i got in the car and i was like i haven't seen him in like six months and he didn't say hello he didn't even say a word until like halfway through the car and I was like, I haven't seen him in like six months. And he didn't say hello. He didn't even say a word until like halfway through the car ride. And I slapped him on the back and I was like, are you going to say hi to me? He was like,

oh, I was driving around for like 10 laps and now I'm pissed off. Yeah. Weird thing. I think the way in to a conversation with any dad is to ask him about parking or how did you, what, what route did you take to get here? Yeah. Weather's good good how's it been the last few days that's oh he loves that one that is a ice cream he can take a big old bite out of i wanted to say cherry on top but i was like this is the wrong expression yeah so you went with the time-honored expression

ice cream he can take a big bite out of my teeth. I have sensitive teeth. Why don't I just take a small bite? That's a sweet tidbit. But it is true, though. If you are ever in a room with an older man, you just ask him, where'd you park? I tried to get a space in front of the building. It's crazy these days. Yeah.

I mean, you know, I don't even, I just park at the train station, take the train downtown. Oh, yeah. Well, new ways of parking, efficiency. There's new ways of parking. Oh, there's tons of new ways to park. What? They're all illegal. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I park behind a dumpster. I've always wanted to. You know those little tiny smart cars? Uh-huh. I feel like they're Small enough to actually Back into Like perpendicular To a parallel parking spot

Although I've never seen it Oh like Oh yeah Like sideways Cause they don't go They're not deep enough That they would Block traffic

Exactly They're like a square And then you could Just pull right out So that's a new way Of parking That would be Yeah and also

You know Paying with your phone That's a new style Of parking We don't have, yeah. And also, you know, paying with your phone. That's a new style of parking. We don't have that in Toronto. Really? Yeah, it's old. I don't think. It's old.

It's old school. Toronto's old. There's the cars that parallel park themselves, apparently. Yeah. You just go and then the computer takes over and you just, you have a snooze. I have not driven in forever. Like, it's been a long time since I, since I moved to Toronto,

I just haven't, don't drive much anymore. Although I did drive, we shot, we're shooting a movie in the summer and a producer or a production assistant backed a van, like a rental van into a dumpster

and then he pinned it behind the hinge. So if he moved forward, he'd rip the car in half like a can opener and if you move backwards the back part of the car would just fall off oh man he was like really gouged in there so i had to get in and maneuver maneuver it nice oh wow can opener oh really whole side of the van like you could see through into the back of the van the whole side of the van. Like you could see through into the back of the van. Wait, I'm confused.

The whole side came off? No, it's like, you know, when like imagine if you stuck a knife through a piece of paper and then ripped it through. That's what happened to the side of the van.

And it was a rental van? Oh, yeah. And you just brought it back and said, I don't see it. I don't see what you're... I think that scratch is there. Did we do a walk around?

That scratch. That scratch where you can see through see through well i rented it from such a shady it's like a legitimate rent-a-wreck place so all their kind of cars are shitty like there's duct tape all over this van and stuff like that so it was not the most difficult thing to explain but it was pretty clearly a like major damage like the most damage I've ever done to a car. As a tiny bit of damage started, and you just kept going? It's the only way. Yeah, sometimes like... I've been in that same situation.

And what do you do? Flee the scene. If at all possible. Take the plates. Always have a screwdriver with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very important. Scratch off the VIN number.

Yeah, when I last moved, the guy, you know, I hired like two guys with a truck or whatever. Yep. And it was the one guy who was driving, it was his first day. And so he was backing him in, but I was like, it seems like he's backing him in but i was like it seems like

he's backing him in awful close to the garage and i was like well he must know what he's doing backs them right into the eaves trough like and it gets stuck on the van and the van pulls forward rips the eaves trough off of the garage was it the place you're leaving? Yep. Okay, you're fine. See you later. But the guy was just like, just, oh, he's so angry. He was so angry because the van didn't have a scratch on it.

But by the time it was done, it had a huge gouge in it and it was all black, like scratched across the, you know, newly painted East Van movers or whatever.

Oh, really? And they crashed into your new building as well. Why did I hire this? Keep coming. Yeah. You're going crunch. Stop.

You're good. Yeah. But there is a point where you just have to break the thing, right? Yep. No. Wow. I like that. You were the guy that like, okay, get out.

You got to do it. Yeah. I mean, I fired the guy. Really? Yeah, I had to fire two people in that production. What? Okay. Continue your story, then we'll talk about that.

That's it. I just fired him. I know, but like on the spot? No, I was doing a lot of jobs on that production. And admittedly, I was a little bit stressed out. Right. So I was taking out a lot of stress on a few people in particular on set. And this guy was just, he was a bit of an idiot.

Right. And he's a young guy. So he'll bounce back. Idiots bounce back real quick. And then the catering company blew it a couple days in a row

and I gave him an opportunity to... Like the food was bad? Food is terrible. Food was a brick. It was just protein. Just protein bars. And they kept

blowing it. I mean, and yeah, it was a weird thing to do is to fire somebody i've never fired anyone i've never been in a position i keep oh i got this one guy i keep trying to fire but i keep coming back have you been fired i've been laid off so no like i've never been fired for incompetence or like like you screwed up go home i've been fired i know you've been fired i don't even have to ask you.

What were you fired for? A similar thing for scratching up a vehicle. And it was on. But it was at a demolition derby. Yeah, I thought, but you know what? I just scratched. I didn't crunch it. Yeah.

I didn't do nothing. I also didn't work there. I just ran down into the demolition derby. I got fired as I was the driver of Bigfoot. Yeah. I asked my boss if I could borrow his car. I dented Bigfoot. I was using it to move.

What's the, is it Grave Digger? Is that the more popular one? It's Grave Digger, Undertaker, Bigfoot. Bigfoot's the one from my youth. Yeah. Gravedigger is like the perennial favorite. Like if you go out, you want Gravedigger. Yeah, yeah.

It's got a nice ring to it. But it doesn't do that. It doesn't have like a shovel on the front. No. Does it? It should. Thank you. If it's a Gravedigger, those things would destroy in monster truck rallies.

I'd love to see an old backhoe on big wheels roaring around there. That would be great. And digging graves. Actually digs a grave. Yeah, taking names and digging graves. Well, that would be terrifying. It just stops driving around for a while

and digs a literal grave. They grab an effigy and dump it in the ground. Smooths it over again, then jumps over a school bus. Yeah, an effigy of the town's mayor. Yeah. Or Jimmy Hoffa. Yeah, being fired. I've never fired anybody either.

I've never been in the position to fire somebody. I mean, I've like... I think I'd be good at it. I mean, firing a catering company is different because it's a company. I've definitely sent an email to a company like, I'm never using your service again. And then I change

my name and then I use their service again. So I don't. Very smart. Look like I went back on my word. It was tough. I'm glad I did it though. I feel it has made me a better man how so? I think it's

you gotta exercise a lot of tact I think you have to like you gotta be really I don't like being mean you know and I think in general

people know like yeah I should be fired for this yeah well he was stoned too oh okay I was like

I mean it was a pretty easy decision on my part although so was I. You're firing while you're sharing a joint? Look, bro. Before we finish this, there's something I gotta bring up. This will be, like, our farewell toke.

Buddy. Don't throw the roach away. I'm keeping the roaches. Oh, wow. Yeah. I guess, you know, was he a guy that said that he could drive a car really well? I think that's the assumption when you get a production assistant, right? They're like, I mean, that's mainly what they do is like drive cars around.

Yeah. And they always crash them. Yeah. All the time. I was, I did it on a shoot previous to that. Again, like a total, like just idiot kid was like,

Oh, I got this. I can move the, I can move the trucks. And he took one cube van and crashed it into the other cube van. Don't worry boss. I got this. So confident You know

He was like Bragging to his buddies Like he was like Kind of being Like trying to be A cool guy And the worst Worst case scenario

You know Just like And that was a firing On the spot I didn't do it But I was witness to it Really Where it's just like

Get out of here You gotta go Yeah Leave right now I always thought The main job Of a protection assistant was to have a walkie-talkie, wear a brightly colored vest, and prevent me from walking down a sidewalk with no legal right. Yeah.

That's true. Stop traffic with no legality. They gotta do that. They gotta do all the worst jobs. It's grueling work. Can I get your hold back? No. Yeah.

I want to be in the background of The Flash. I remember I did a show. I think it was this. What was the Superman one where he was a kid? Oh, Smallville. Smallville. Tiny Town. Tiny Town.

You were in Smallville? No, no. I was PA. Yeah, I'm Superman. Oh, nice. And one of the things, they had me stopping traffic. And then a cop came by and was like, you're not allowed to stop traffic. And I was like, I'm pretty sure that's true.

And then I got in trouble. And then my supervisor was like, who told you you could stop traffic? I was like, you. You gave me this stop sign. Oh, my God. But your looks. Your looks stop traffic. That's true. And I don't know. But your looks. It's very long. Your looks stop traffic. That's true.

And that's how I was discovered. Yeah. That's how I ended up playing. That's how you got discovered to be a PA. Like you've got a certain look.

That would be a great like, yeah, like these traffic stopping looks. So a big hollywood producer i was i was on that show with a friend who's still like he's still in the film industry like he's now he's like an ad or something yeah yeah but he remember i ran into him recently he remembers he's like i remember that first day and you were like this is bullshit i'm out of here you quit the first day yeah i didn't like it wow there's a horse like if

you have ever been a pa i've done it a few times it's like a lot of just like on your first day especially it's like how do i what what do i do no one's telling me what to do i look stupid but now that you have like iphones it must be a lot easier to be a pa because you can just like play with a phone all day yeah i mean that takes care of the boredom thing yeah i mean they just sit like as you say you know like locking it up right that's that's the job lock that street up lock that door up make sure people don't if you have time to lean etc yeah there's a lot of leaning a lot of smoking a lot of leaning. A lot of smoking, a lot of leaning, a lot of reading. That's what they do.

A lot of crashing trucks. Those are the four main jobs. Look, there's only four things you got to do. I want you to be well rested so you can crash these trucks. It's a lean for a while. That's the exit strategy. You got a three-week contract. You're locking stuff up for week one.

Week two, you're reading. Last day, crash those trucks into each other so I can fire you. That saves me a lot of paperwork. And you do me a solid crash those trucks. Oh, my God. Oh, man. And so what else is new? You got into town and you're working.

Your dad's not speaking with you. Yeah. You're in, your dad are a bad term. We're on good terms again. Oh, good, good, good, good. Um, I did a show last night that was very fun. Uh, and well, something that was fun that happened to me. So I, I came to, um, Vancouver and I, you know, occasionally like to smoke the odd joint.

Yeah. It's been a lot, the last few weeks. It's been a lot the last few weeks. There's been a lot of pot talk on our show after like 340 episodes of never talking about. Yeah. Well, you know what? It's the restrictions are loosening. That's right. Culturally, it's crazy.

Like Toronto, like there's not a scene like it is in Vancouver, right? Like you have to be, if you want like medical pot there, you have to go through the government and it's very proper and it's, you know, doctors and everything. And here, you know, I left five years ago and everyone had a guy still. And now it's like, oh, I go to a pharmacy or a dispensary and that's how they get their pot. Yeah. You do even need a thing. I haven't gone into one, but like, do you even need, or can you just go like, come on.

So when I got here. Don't I look like I need weed? I was kind of looking for a bit of, I was like, oh, you know, when I get a little, little something. Yeah. I've got to fire a guy later. And my mom was very, very straight laced. Like she's an ex-lawyer and a teacher, but she's recently started going to the compassion club with, um. The compassion club?

Which is like, you know know medicinal pot right uh and she was like oh i'm going there with your aunt today and she kind of likes talking to me about it because she knows that it's one of my hobbies she puts up a black light poster here i want to rap with you about this she's like i'm going to the compassion but it's a black light like anne get Anne Getty's poster because she's a mom. Jan Arden. And she's like, oh, I'm going to this Compassion Club. And I was like,

oh, um, can you get me some pot and rollies? And for the first time ever, she's like, yes,

I will get you some pot. And rollies. Oh, well, she would get the wrong kind. Yeah, she just brings you some Rolos for your munchies. She would do that if I didn't specify. I'm like, well, I got these blue rolling papers because I thought you would look cool in blue. It would make your eyes pop. Oh, thank you, mom.

Sweet mom. So that was nice. So what is the compassion? Is that for somebody that's sick? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Or, you know, like,

I think there's people that are legitimately, and again, I have no exposure to this in Toronto, but my understanding of it is that you have people that are like you know quite sick that use that um very legitimately for medicinal purposes right and then you have other people that's like i got sore knuckles from punching

my doctor didn't know what to prescribe we We all knew you were going to say some bullshit thing, but that really snuck up on us. Oh, man. Yeah, because in the neighborhood I used to live in, there was three dispensaries on the same street in like about nine blocks. Yeah. And all run by dirtbags. Like you go in and it's just like you can't how did you get a license can i just get a license i think you probably could you could turn this room into a pot cafe pretty easily let's not though well i don't know

but it seems very easy because you know, the dirtbags that are running these things shouldn't be allowed to do things like that. They have the wherewithal to like rent a space and let people smoke pot there. And they don't even wear like a white coat, like a pharmacist. No, I'm telling you, like, it looks like if you stumbled in and you and I said, you know, what is this place? Without having any signs on the wall or anything, you'd be like, oh, these guys. Sell pot semi-legally. They squat here. Yeah, exactly.

You'd be like, yeah, these guys are trying to win squatters rights. Just hang out and play Keno all day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is an illegal online poker facility or something. This is some kind of sweatpants modeling facility. School. Yeah. They're right out the back room.

It's just porn servers. Yeah. Oh, these guys are WikiLeaks? Is that what's going on? Yeah. Oh, I remember once I was going to go rent an office, and this dude had, like, different offices in his building, but he was a Bitcoin miner.

Yeah. And he was like, do you know anything about Bitcoin? And I was like, no, not really. And, yeah, he was like, no, you're going to learn about it. And I was like, I'm not taking this office. I don't want to learn about Bitcoin. Don't care. Oh, brother.

But yeah, so like, I don't know. I don't know what you need to be because there's never, there's not even like a whiff of professionalism. There's a whiff of something. All right, fellas. Tee that one up. But it's like, I think the police just turn a blind eye, because it's not legal here. You know, it's just part of the, it's more part of the culture. Yeah, but I don't understand it.

Like, I don't, if a cop, like, if you, I've heard that my whole life, that like, oh, it's not legal, but it's not, they won't arrest you, but people do get arrested. not they won't arrest you but people do get arrested then yeah because like what how what's the difference between somebody who gets arrested for it and then somebody who like sets up a shop where they're legally quasi i don't yeah i have no idea i don't know what to tell people when they come in from out of town they're like it's legal here right and i'm like i don't i don't know but as your legal counsel you you'll get some weed. But also, why does everyone who comes to town want to know so much about it? It's Vanster Dam, bro.

Yeah, man. You know, it's a stereotype that I've come to accept. Everybody smokes pot in Toronto, too. But I still get labeled as Vancouver Weed Man. And like, oh, Vancouver weed man. And I kind of am a weed man.

Yeah. So I'm cool with it. Is there, I believe there is a dispensary called The Weed Man. I want to know, like, I want to know which one's going to break away from the pack and become, like, the, you know. The Starbucks? Yeah. Because somebody's going to become like the number one pot. Because I read like a profile of like all the people in Seattle and Colorado.

Yeah. And there's kind of like five people who are leading the pack. But one of those is going to break away and become like the Marlboro of, you know what I mean, a pot. It's the worst style. You know, I just imagine a guy in a pair of like Oakley wraparounds shorts all the time. Loves weed so much. They're just called Guy Fieri's.

Fieri's joints. What's this famous sauce called? Uh, donkey sauce. Yeah. That guy's a monster Do you watch him? Do you watch his show?

Yeah I mean whenever you know I'm flipping through the channels I'll stop and watch him Yell at some food Yeah I've never seen his show I know who he is because he's that much of an idiot I've never watched his Cooking show

It's not a cooking show. But I do love watching cooking shows. It's not a cooking show. No, he doesn't ever cook. What does he do? He travels to places that sell... Garbage food. Garbage food. And then check out this place that does...

Right, because he does diners, dive-ins, and... Drive-ins and dive-dives. Yeah, the triple D one thing. Yeah. Yeah. He's got triple Ds. Yeah. Triple Ds. Very cool the triple D one thing. Yeah. Yeah. He's got triple D's. Yeah. Triple D's.

Very cool. And he, he just eats. He doesn't cook. He doesn't help them cook. He watches them cook and then he eats and he goes,

whoa, that's good. And they pay for the privilege of being on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like,

how did he get that job? Was he a cook? Yeah, he was like, he had a place called Tex Wasabi's. Oh. He was like, he had a place called Tex Wasabi's. Oh. Which is like a Tex-Mex mixed with Japanese.

But, you know, he just like makes like garbage, like garbage food. Yeah. Stuff that tastes really good and is gross. Yeah. It's like high-end fast food. I don't mind that stuff sometimes. Of course. It's delicious.

That's why. Yeah. And then he got, I can't remember that stuff sometimes. Of course, it's delicious. Yeah, and then he got, I can't remember what, was that the first, no, he won a competition on the Food Network, and that's why they gave him that show. He won the first Food Network star

Graham watches a lot of PBS biographies. The Guy Fieri story? He watched the American Masters on Guy Fieri. A lot of depth there. He's got like six shows on the Food Network. All the same concept? He just goes to different places and eats? He does one where he's at a supermarket.

Yeah. Called the guy's... Guy's Grocery... Is Rachel Ray involved in that one? That's a different one. He's got two shows with Rachel Ray. Where they show off their sparkling chemistry. And then he was the host of that show.

I want to say it's called In It to Win It, but that's not right. Where they have to do tasks like bounce a ping pong ball into a glass. Oh, Minute to Win It. Minute to Win It. Yeah, they had to do a bunch of things in a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's not food related. That was just him and his personality. Well, he's just got that personality.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a lot of love to give. Well. A lot of love to give. Yeah, no, it is weird that like the idea of a TV host has become like less, you know, Dick Clark and more Mark McGrath. It's like, who do we get do we get oh well we've got these

uh 12 guys who uh are famous for other things so let's cycle through them and they'll be the hosts of everything we know we wanted to be like mark mcgrath because we can't get mark yeah mario lopez forget about it yeah we're looking these are too big. These are too big, guys. These are too big. A more McGrath type. Yeah, that's true. And then they'll, yeah, what's his name? From Seinfeld was the host of Family Feud for no reason, John O'Hurley. Oh, yeah. John O'Hurley.

Jay Peterman. Jay Peterman on Seinfeld. Oh, yeah, yeah. But he's got that voice. Yeah, I guess so. I'll forgive him for the voice because he's cool. Yeah. And now it's Steve Harvey. Yeah, and before that it was Richard Karn, who was Al from Home Improvement. Oh, I know who Richard Karn is.

And Louis Anderson was in there as well. I have quoted. That's right. And Ray Combe. Who's Ray Combe? Ray Combe was the host in the early 90s. He's a tiny guy Yeah

Killed himself Killed himself Yeah Sorry No it's fine I mean We weren't close to him Yeah

I mean it's sad But And then of course The legendary Richard Dawson Just going through all the hosts Yeah Very cool And who have been

All the hosts of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Was it just Regis? No, it was Regis. Joy, not Joy Behar. Meredith Vieira. Meredith Vieira. Oh, who is the...

Now it's What's-His-Face from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. The muscular black guy. Oh, really? Yeah. Terry Crews? Yes. Oh. I didn't realize Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was still on TV.

Yeah, I don't know that they give away a million dollars. But they still just ask the question. It's like a rebuttal question. It's more like a million air miles. Well, that minute to win it is still on, but without Guy Fieri. It's just with some dude. Oh, wow. Some dude with a haircut.

Joey Fatone. Would you post your tips? Joey Fatone hosted a good show. He hosted like the Singing Bee or something. Yeah. And oh, what's his, Wayne Brady hosted a lot of shows. Don't forget the lyrics.

These are all shows that should be hosted by a comedian. Yeah, that's true. And like people who are smart and think on their feet and stuff. I don't know how much, yeah, well, Steve Harvey. He can think know how much, yeah, well, Steve Harvey. He can think on his feet.

Yeah, no, Steve Harvey's great. He's the greatest at mugging. Like, they've just turned that into a mug-a-thon. I've seen some super cuts of him just mugging. It's pretty great. But all the questions are, like, super, they set them up so that it's easily going to be some kind of double entendre.

Mug pause. Mug pause. They've built in, like, 40 seconds of mugging into every episode. Yeah, things you put in your mouth. A lot of mugging going on right now. Well, there's that one clip that's online that the question is like, which of the seven dwarfs best describes your wife in bed? And the two guys just won't answer.

Horny. Horny the dwarf. Is there a fuck dwarf? Fucky. Yeah. Ice queen. Ice queen the dwarf. That's just a lose-lose.

I mean, there's no good dwarf answer. The answer is happy. Oh, there is a good dwarf. And possibly bashful. Well, sneezy. Yeah. How long has his family feud, has it been on as long as The Tonight Show?

Are those like the two American dynasties? I don't know. It has a bit. Was there any time when it wasn't on? I think, I feel like in the late 90s, it maybe wasn't on for a year or two. Yeah, that's possible. And they rebooted it with Louis Anderson. Well, it's like a 50s show, right?

I feel like it's got a 50s vibe, maybe 60s. 60s. I feel like it's been around since the 60s. Oh, maybe the 70s. Because the sets vary with the flipping over things. I feel like it's almost like a Chuck Berry show. Chuck Berry? Was it Chuck Barris?

No, no, no. It was Chuck Berry. Who's Chuck Berry? He invented rock and roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same guy. That would be a good guy, right? Yeah.

Frosted tips. Yeah. Okay, I'm yeah. Same guy. Family feud guy, right? Yeah. Frosted tips. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to Google this. Are you Googling family feud? Fam. Yeah, it's because I remember, I wonder if it's been the same sound effects. Because when you get an X, it's that one sound effect. It's a Mark Goodson television production.

Who's that? He's a guitar a mark goodson television production who's that you know he produces the guitar he's in carlos santana's band he played rhythm obviously um uh it was uh from 19 1976 oh okay all right good uh sense dave yep and then oh but it was 1976. Oh, okay. All right. Good sense, Dave. Yeah. Oh, but it was off the air from 85 to 88. Yeah, those were some dark years. And then from 95 to 99.

Oh, so it's just something that keeps getting rebooted. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, oh, here are the hosts, Richard Dawson, Ray Combs, Louis Anderson, Richard Karn, John O'Hurley And Steve Harvey Narrated by I don't remember it being narrated

No Once upon a time The European version Gene Wood Followed by Burton Richardson Wow Followed by

Currently Joey Fatone All men Oh yeah Yeah yeah yeah Isn't it time For a female family there are really female game shows are there weird i think there's the wheel of fortune there's there's jenna white yeah she's a great host she says three words to alex at the end of the show i mean

i'm just listing uh game shows because I'm trying to go through. I really can't think of a game show. Price is Right, they have models. Yeah. Whatever the one, Let's Make a Deal. That's just, what's his name? Monty Hall?

No, the new one. Oh. Wayne Brady. Wayne Brady, yeah. Oh, I thought it was Drew Carey. Was it Drew Carey? Oh, he's Price is Right now. Yeah.

Yeah, he's the host of Prices Right Now. What's her face? Jane Lynch hosts that celebrity game night. Oh, right. Oh, what about the one, The Weakest Link? That was hosted by a woman. Who? Remember?

She was the British lady? Yeah, that's true. That's true. No way. But she wasn't charming. Her whole deal was she was, like, hateable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that's sort of a cop-out.

Like, all the male hosts get to be, like, a nice, fun guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Oh, what's the name of that game show Jimmy Fallon hosts? Oh, The Tonight Show. Uh-huh. Well, what is the, yeah, yeah. It's like, apparently, Don Rickles, they asked him if he would be on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

He's like, I can't. I don't know how to play ping pong. So good. Dave, what's going on? Hi. Well, I mentioned before that we were recording this in January. We're not. Graham's out of town for most of January, so we're stocking up on episodes.

Yeah. And this is actually still a pre-Christmas episode. But you know what? We're just keeping the holiday cheer. Yeah, keep it going all year long. Let it last throughout the year. Yeah, keep it in your heart. And last night was our annual tradition.

My group of friends, Graham included, Connor, no. Better luck next time. We have this annual Krampus party, which celebrates the spirit of Krampus, who is Santa Claus's antithesis. He's just like a mean dude. There's like different versions of him in different northern European cultures. They put kids in a sack and beat them with reeds. Have you ever heard of this? It sounds German to me.

Yeah. Yeah, or Scandinavian. He has long fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He crepaces really long arms with long fingers. Yeah. He, like, steals kids

from their cribs late at night. It's, like, different versions of him are either super racist or anti-Semitic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Super long fingers for some reason

that is like wicker man yeah and he uh but so we have this party every year that's just sort of like a mean-spirited uh uh you know uh gift exchange and it's one of those white elephant gift exchanges where you can uh steal presents from other people as it goes uh the only thing the only difference in our version is that it is a um it's like there's no rules okay you can just steal as many times as you want and uh even after the game is over you keep stealing stuff from people like people will just take other people's stuff and put them in their coat before they leave. So it's just kind of like a riot. Yeah.

It's a little bit like that. And. We light a barrel fire. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it's like Christmas in Thunderdome. Uh, so we, this is the first time Abby and I hosted it and, uh, it was, it was really fun.

Yeah. Uh, too many people. Yeah. It gets bigger every year. And I think that's a bad idea because we, then the game goes on too long and there's new people who don't understand that underneath the mean spiritedness of it all, we like each other. Yeah.

And also at the end, usually you usually you you know you've traded for something you know somebody really wants it you just give it to them yeah yeah i've been to those things those are fun i like the kind of stealing part of it yeah yeah but then but afterwards everyone's like okay yeah you wanted this or like yeah i actually i bought a gift i bought this the um in the buses in vancouver there's this newspaper that's called the buzzer. Oh, that was yours. And there's, and there was a, there's these holders that say, read the buzzer. And I found two of these holders in a, in a antique store. And I put one in the gift exchange and then I held another one back and then gave it to

my friend who, who lost it in the gift exchange. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. It's the spirit of Krampus. Exactly. That was a hot ticket. Yeah. Yeah, that was cool.

Because you could put, you know, whatever, toothbrushes, your comb, whatever you want. What did you bring? I brought something I wanted, and I ended up with it, which is great. That is not the spirit of Krampus. I feel like it is though if you're in one of those gift exchanges bring something that you would at least want to take home afterwards because then you then at least one person in the room wants it yeah like i brought i it was like a salt and pepper shaker that looks like a hamburger so like the top half is the salt shaker and the bottom

has the pepper shaker that's great and then And then you put it together as a giant hamburger. Cool. I know. And then I also added it with a hot dog earbuds. Oh, that's great. I know. And the guy who got it hated it. And I was like, I'll take it.

And then nobody wanted it. So I, yeah. I take back what I said. That is totally fair. And I love the spirit of Krampus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So it was good. Keep the spirit of Krampus with you all year long as I say. It was good. Hosting a party, we do it like twice a year and we will... It's like so much cleaning. And then afterwards

you have to clean again. You have to clean up for everyone to show up. And then when they leave you have to clean up again. It's like two days in a row of like made you're a maid it's like a made fantasy camp yeah exactly and i'm when i do these like when i ever i ever in anything i do i i'm realizing that my superpower is the ability to find the burden in anything. Super fun party. Oh, that's going to be a mess.

Do you not like cleaning? Do I not like cleaning? Yeah. I feel like you'd be good at cleaning. No, I don't like cleaning. But I like having a clean house. Like the act of cleaning is gross. And yeah, nobody really likes that. Well, yeah, I like having a clean house.

Yeah. Do you like working? No, but I like getting a paycheck. Yeah Do you like working? No but I like getting a paycheck Some people do like working In all fairness Yeah no It depends on the job If you're cleaning

That's a side I don't mind cleaning I don't mind it No I don't I don't mind it either I don't mind I don't like cleaning up Something that I had no part in

Yeah That bumps me out I agree That's a moral thing Yeah I like keeping things clean like i don't i won't let my house become like a cesspool that i then have to do like you know biohazard cleanup on we have to have like an intervention yeah i actually have so i've been have a garbage in my house my house is a small tell me more

this is weird I have garbage in my house in my kitchen and it's like I live in a loft so it's just one big room

yeah but the garbage is like a little bit too small and because I'm living by myself I've found that what you can do

is just buy these like large garbage bags and just put those in the corner. So I just kind of abandoned the trash can and just have a big sack of trash. Yeah. My house cleaning is easy.

Yeah. You just throw out plates and cups. Yeah, you just throw everything in the sack of trash. My roommate is a rat queen. I had rats. Not in my current house, and it has nothing to do with the trash. I have rats in my current house. Do you really?

Yeah. And it's the worst. I get it. I totally get it. It is. I woke up when there was one in my room. Yeah. In my bedroom.

I woke up with one trying to tunnel under the door into my room. No. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Are you trapping them? We trapped one, but you know i'm not convinced that we got the only one i think there's a whole team working around the clock

to make my life miserable they were all living in my barbecue so really yeah oh wow that'd be an easy fix no well if you want to turn on barbecue well Well, yeah, I know the fix. I got rid of the rats. But yeah, like we in Vancouver, I don't know what it's like in Toronto, but you have your garbage and now there's like a big movement to, they don't even pick up your garbage every week anymore. They will now pick up your yard trimmings every week. Yep. And you put your. The raccoons are loving it. Yeah. As are the rats. And you put your. Yeah. The raccoons are loving it. Yeah.

As are the rats and you put your, you know, uh, on whatever food scraps, they go in with your yard trimmings and uh, so like every week I'm meticulous about it and we keep like a paper bag on the countertop and we throw it out every night. Yeah. Uh, of food scraps. Uh, but like, like last night after the party,

it was just like, everything goes in the trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a certain point, there's a threshold. And I feel bad about it when I'm doing it, but if I'm doing it a couple times a year, I guess it's not that bad. Yeah. And then you think of like,

oh, if I was a casino, I'd be throwing out a zillion bags in it. Totally. That's true. Like when I used to work at a coffee shop, I was like shocked at how much garbage just one day of coffee shop produced because like it was almost all to-go cups. So it was like people are getting to-go cups and then they're throwing them out here. Yeah. So that's weird. But people like that papery taste.

I love a papery to-go cup. Had one this morning. Sat in the coffee shop. We really, you know, we don't deserve the planet to stick around. The way we're treating it. I love the planet too. I just love coffee. More.

In a to-go cup. But like if you go to McDonald's and you get that for here or to-go cup but like if you go to mcdonald's and you get is that for here to go if you have it for here they don't give it to you on a plate no that's true it's just really it's do you want a paper bag to put this food or do you want a tray tray with a paper liner i'm not gonna take it to go but i am gonna make a puppet do you want to do the word search on the bag or the word search on the placemat? It's, yeah, like, I don't know. You're right.

Like a casino or something like that, like where they have buffets. Just, that's what the landfill's full of. Just like perfectly good ribs. Just gone from a buffet. Have you guys ever been to a landfill? yeah of course Graham's been to a landfill I used to go he's the Anthony Bourdain of trash

that is a show I would watch just touring the different dumps that would be great cross your tips. Cross your beard. My uncle is a contractor. And so every weekend, you would have to, like,

take some weird thing from a contract job to the dump. And we'd go to the dump. And it was awesome. Yeah. Because it's, like, just all this crazy shit. And they have different areas.

Like, this is all refrigerators, and this is all car batteries. Oh, wow. The refrigerator section would probably be pretty wild. It was pretty cool. A lot of dead kids in there. A lot of kids playing hide-and-seek. Yeah. Like in that Punky Brews.

Yeah, as I saw it. I saw it as a hide and seek yeah just like oh i'm gonna hide in all of them nope not that one and it was uh yeah it was just like i mean it's so crazy how huge they are yeah and uh that they're just kind of like burying and reburying. That's kind of the whole. Grave digger. And then where is it? It's in Seattle maybe? Where is it written? That there's a park.

There's like a really famous park that was just a landfill that they just put grass over top of. And they're like, now it's a park. Might be in Seattle or might be somewhere in Canada. I can't remember. Is that gross? It's kind of gross. It's kind of gross. It's kind of gross, but you don't go to a park with a shovel and start digging. And if you do.

I would if I knew there was treasure buried in there. Somebody's got to have thrown an old fridge down here somewhere. And I feel like there's enough pokey stuff that would poke out of the grass. They must layer. They put on like, it's not just like a guy with like a bag of turf that just throws it over. Yeah, you're playing football and you land on a fork. Ah! A rusty garbage TV.

Yeah, there's just antennas sticking out of the ground. That's what I'm saying. So you're telling me this used to be a dump? I don't believe it. Hand me that shovel. Oh, yeah. Well, there's like a dump weigh station in Vancouver where you can go dump stuff that's too big to be picked up by garbage trucks. And that place is crazy.

You've been to a lot of dumps. Yeah, yeah. Is it? Absolutely. I remember we worked at a book warehouse and somebody had like given us all of these books that we couldn't sell because they were basically pornography. And there were only so many you could keep for your car. He brought in his old soggy cardboard box

found it out in the forest up by the old elementary school covered in moths and book warehouse was a store that didn't have a beat it off curtain section with a red light so

we had to take it to the dump and like we dumped them all out of these boxes and all of the workers came like seagulls. We're just like, oh boy. Buried treasure. That's what I'm telling you. You find out there's something buried under that term. Dump reservations. So yeah, I had a fun party And ate a bunch of garbage

Well threw away a bunch of garbage And ate a bunch Like people brought Snacks and stuff And just eating Just cause you see something Oh that looks good I'm not hungry

But I will eat that thing Yeah Am I right ladies? It's a lifetime on hips I will do that. I find there's a lot of desserts that people bring on, a lot of desserts and sweet things, which I never eat. But if they bring salty and savory, that kind of stuff, I will take that to 10. There was some stuff that was a loser.

And you could tell someone brought a tray and it was just like melted together brown stuff. And it was probably sweet, but it didn't have any kind of frosting or anything on it. And no one like set it out nicely. It was on a tin plate. This, this, no one's. This is not getting any play. Yeah, this is just like badly marketed. Presentation goes a long way.

You really need to present it. You taste with your eyes. That's right. That's the first taste. And it's messy because you get food on your eyes. Dangerous. Yeah. Yeah.

You ruin your vision. All sorts of. Conjunctivitis is a big problem. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Don't touch a jello mold and then your eyes. Oh, that's good.

That tastes good with my eyes. Give it butterfly kisses. But then there's also crazy holiday stuff. I think we were talking about it a couple weeks ago that looks, it's very colorful, but you're like, ew, what is that, a jellied, you know, there's like meat in it. Aspic. Yeah. What was that?

Aspic. What is that? I've never heard that. That's like a jelly thing with like olives and it's like my uncle makes it with tomato jelly and shrimp in it. It's any sort of like. Is that how it's actually made or do you have a weird uncle? No, no. It's like.

What do I got on the fridge? It's like a shit mix of booze. But it's just remnants of his fridge. It's like a shit mix of booze, but it's just remnants of his fridge. It's a savory jelly mold. Okay.

That you would have as a side dish. Hmm. Or, I don't know. I got on board with, and I

didn't, this doesn't seem like the kind of thing that I would like, but I've turned a corner on it is like the jellied

spicy things. So, you know, like it's like a jam, but it's made of thing that I would like, but I've turned a corner on it. It's like the jellied spicy things. So, you know, like it's like a jam, but it's made of jalapenos. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That I love. What do you have that with? I think you'd have that with like crackers. Yeah, just a spoon.

Then you rub it on your eyes. Yeah, a spoon. You know, close the drapes. Turn on some deep purple. Just check out my Jan Arden psych poster. When I see that, I imagine these aren't like Jan Arden and then like, you know, the kind of checkered, you know, like 3D image background. And then she just has the arms of Ganesh moving behind her. And it's made up of little um it's like a mosaic of

screenshots from jan arden videos that when you go when you zoom out it's her fame it's super popular with like the 50 year old mom college kids yeah like that'd be great if you've just marketed like pot novelties to that subset. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, they're getting it on them. They're getting high. Yeah. Everybody. They're getting groovy.

Right? Let's get to that. So how's the things with you? Oh, good. What I did, being that this is still, uh, still technically the holiday season, you know, uh, I, I, my friend and I went to a Kingsgate mall, which we've talked about on the podcast that it's kind of a unique mall. Yeah. It's a dirt mall. It's a dirt mall.

It's got maybe an Ardine in it. Uh, it's built on a haunted dump. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't know it, but it was built. a haunted dump yeah yeah you wouldn't know it but it was built it's still a city they've got a deep pit in the corner of the marksburg warehouse yeah no it is a mall that has uh uh it got some legitimate stores, a drug store, a liquor store.

Yeah. And then it's, you know, a florist, a grocery store. Then it's got a store that sells like very kind of crazy boots. Yeah. Like that, you know, a stripper would wear. And then a store that sells like gangsta shirts. Yeah, yeah, I remember. Something you would wear if you were a gangsta shirts. Yeah, yeah. Like something you would wear if you were a gangsta and only had $4.

And then there's a store up on the top level that I've never seen before that sells just those lazy boy chairs that help old people like get up. Like they kind of lift up and dump the old person out into their grave and they just look so funny because they were all in the dumping position so they look like like like a crazy avant-garde gallery like what if couches came to life i just you see that and then you like look down and there's a bunch of old people just we all press the button at once and uh we were there well also the the whole ground floor of the mall I don't know if this always was the case but smells like hot dogs because there's a hot dog thing in the middle there's a hot hot dog dump. There's an old hot dog mine.

And so we went there with the- Well, it was an Orange Julius that got decommissioned or lost its license. And then it was just called Orange Orange. Orange Orange. And they kept selling hot dogs. Yeah. And now it's something different Orange. And they kept selling hot dogs. Yeah, now it's something different completely, but they still sell hot dogs.

Yeah, it's like a fancy barista that sells hot dogs. That is wild. Well, good for them for pivoting the business so well.

Yeah, but never losing the hot dogs. Yeah, never losing their core business. I mean, maybe that's on

their business license. Like, you can sell whatever else, but you gotta sell hot dogs. If you unplug this hot dog roller, the whole street loses power. It's like a curse. Yeah. Has to be passed on to the next generation.

It's like one of those Christmas lights that one of the lights goes out of the whole strand. Yeah. And the shopping crowd that's there is very eclectic. Mm-hmm. Because there's kind of people going to the specific store they're going to, but they kind of all conflate in the hot dog area. Mm-hmm. So it's a lot of seniors and a lot of people who are just there for the liquor store. Mm-hmm.

people who are just there for the liquor store and uh and it's not the kind of place where it's maybe the only mall in the whole city where you wouldn't shop for christmas presents yeah you almost couldn't really unless you were buying somebody like a sensible thing or like mark's work or you know a lot of like poor gangsters yeah or you bought a watch for someone and you need to put a battery in it. Yeah. Kind of has, yeah. It doesn't have any stores that anybody likes. Yeah. If your present is, I cut you a key. Well, I mean, I always felt the same about like, and I don't know if it's still the case,

but Tinseltown was always like that kind of weird mall as well, right? But it's just furniture stores. Last time I was at Tinseltown, there was that kind of weird mall as well, right? But it's just furniture stores. Last time I was at Tinseltown, there was like five furniture stores in a mall. Maybe like 30 stores in there. And there's the movie theater and 7-Eleven and then furniture stores. There's one store that's like games where you go to play Yu-Gi-Oh. That's right. Or whatever it's called.

What was the game? Magic the Gathering? No, the other one. Hearthstone? Realm of Hearth's Masters? Anyway, so we went to Kingsgate with the intention of getting our picture taken with the Kingsgate Mall Santa. Is Santa in there? Yeah.

Which is, since there's no place to do Christmas shopping, it's weird. Yeah. Which is, since there's no place to do Christmas shopping, it's weird. Yeah. It is weird. And he is the roughest, he is the roughest looking Santa you're ever going to want to see. Just like. He's smoking pot for his knuckle pain. He's really, he really is like, you know, when they show in movies, like a real down

and out Santa drinking at the bar. Yeah. That's it's him oh wow and there's no kids yeah there's no lineup no lineup we went right up it's only people my age taking pictures the only other people were two people behind me that were kind of like gutter punks they were getting their picture taken with like a thing of jameson and a thing of a Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yeah, and a new squeegee. And this guy was... And they had to give it to Santa at the end.

And Santa was just so over it. Like he was so... Like he's like, this is the only people that are going to get their picture taken with me. But he was... I mean, he's skinny to start with. He's like in the... What's the heart-shaped box video. He's wearing a diaper.

Anyway, so you know, you go and you get your picture taken with him and he's just so like I say, he's just so over this. He's like, you would be better at this than me. Where was he set up? Right next to the hot dog thing. It was like hot dogs and then.

Cause that, and you're right. They made a North Pole out of hot dogs. It would only be people who are going through to the liquor store would be the only people who would see him. Because yeah, like you say, like nobody there is Christmas shopping. Yeah. They're just getting a. Lottery ticket. So were you there specifically to see Santa?

Yeah. Cause we had, cause I talked about in past years, the Kingsgate mall, Santa is so much skinnier than, than any other Santa I've ever seen. And that you feel kind of bad. Like if you were a kid and you got a present that you'd be like,

Oh, Santa should have sold this Xbox, got himself some food. Yeah. that you'd be like, Santa should have sold this Xbox, got himself some food. Santa said to leave him out a microwave burrito. No cookies this year. Meat, please. So yeah, so it was fun and the picture was great, but yeah, just again,

they just outdid themselves this year. Skinny Santa. Just just tired looking tired skinny yeah i gotta poke my head in and check out this santa claus is it free uh it's free yeah you pay for the picture yeah you pay four dollars oh wow that's that is a steal or something at twice the price yeah. It's like a big bowl ice cream. Yes! There it is. I'm taking a bite out of it. Do we want to move on to a bit of business?

Sure. Life can be fun. Don't get carried away. You gotta do the things you don't want to do to get through the day. You gotta shine your shoes. You gotta sweep the floor. You gotta clean your house. You gotta to sweep the floor. You got to clean your house. You got to do some more.

Take care of business. This bit of business is brought to you by FXX. Hard to say. Easy to see. Hard to say. That's their slogan. Presenting Man Seeking Woman, a new surreal dating comedy from former SNL writer Simon Rich and executive producer Lorne Michaels.

I didn't know he was a former executive producer, Lorne Michaels. Yeah, he was fired. Oh, no, he was at one point a former. Yeah, it was Don Ober... Don... Oberstein? Don Oberstein. Oberstein.

Now, we've been saying the first two episodes of Man Seeking Woman. I got to tell you, it's a funny show. Yeah, it's surreal. It is surreal and it's written by you told me the the guy simon rich you maybe don't know him but you might know him from his hilarious deconstruction of uh the 12 inch pianist joke in the new york yeah the everyone's basically everyone sent that to me this summer. They were like, hey, Dave, this seems like something you'd love. And it was, right? And it was, yeah. The show's super hilarious. It's like an augmented reality.

It's got Jay Baruchel, who you know from Popular Mechanics for Kids. Like, it's too real. It's too real. Oh, it's too real. It's not like your chair will shake when something in the show happens oh it is, that's very exciting it stars Jay Baruchel and Eric Andre

who they list as from the internship you might know him from the Eric Andre show yeah that's where I know him from the show what bears his name it starts on January 14th at 10.30pm onm. on FXX. Highly recommend it.

Check it out. Why not? Do you want to move on to overheard? Sure. I'm Cameron Esposito. I'm Rhea Butcher. I am Ricky Carmona. And we are the cast members, what?

I don't know. Podcastiness of Wham Bam Pow. That's an action sci-fi movie podcast you can find on MaximumFun.org or on iTunes. And what do we do? News reviews and things you can use. Tons of things you can use.

We break it down so it can forever be broken. Hilarious jokes. Plus sometimes there's a dog in the studio. Sometimes there's a dog here. We'll see you in your earbuds. Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy.

Every Tuesday, we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years. You know, some light summer listening. Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas, or why we tried to eat mummies for a while, or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea. That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximum Fun Network with Sawbones,

a marital tour of misguided medicine. Overheard. Overheards. A segment in which you, the general population, and us, generally awesome, get together and we all share things that we've overheard. Isn't the general population the prison population? Yeah, gen pop.

You're going gonna get jumped in you're gonna stab like a blood in blood out yeah yeah it's either uh you're either in protective custody yeah gen pop uh the clink the hole oh the yard the hole of the yard yeah yeah um uh the cafeteria cafeteria yeah these are just yeah well that one's not actually a place mr mcgiriam's wonder cafeteria the auditoria and the cafeteria oh yeah now you're in folsom yeah yeah exactly you're in attica you're uh you're in the chair oh you've been pardoned you've done been pardoned yeah you're in cold blood yeah the uh oh in uh alcatraz the trash alcatraz have you been to alcatraz i have not been to the trash

i've seen it but i didn't one of the things that they did as like a mental torture to the prisoners was that you could see downtown San Francisco from the islands so that you could see what you were missing out on. Jeez. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good torture wise. Because a lot of the places you just look at and you'd be like, well, all I'm missing is a snowy, shitty winter out there.

But there it is. Yeah. The big fog. Yeah. The velvet fog. So you went, you went to Alcatraz. Crab Town. Nice. Yeah. The big fog. Yeah. The velvet fog. So you went, you went to Alcatraz. Crab town. Nice.

Yeah. It's awesome. Did you go with your parents? Yeah. When you went on that cruise? Went on a cruise for my mom's birthday. Nice. Very cool.

Yeah. Ate a lot of buffet. And went to a prison. Yeah. Ate a lot of the vegetarian option on a cruise buffet yeah exactly right yeah romaine lettuce like the hennessy food now we always like to start overheards with the guest okay are you are you locked and ready to go i think i haven't overheard this time because All right. And oftentimes I don't remember overheards.

But I've been going to, just across the street from my house, there's this old bar in Toronto called The Rhino. Oh, yeah, The Rhino. Yeah, it's great. It's like an old, it's like a 90s rock bar that you might see in, like if Saved by the Bell had like a hangout where they'd all go like hang out, you know, it's like a huge. Like the Max?

Yeah, it's like Max, but if it was filled with like kind of 90s Toronto rockers, like The Hip. Yeah, The Hip. Like this is their kind of place, right? But it's huge. So I go there sometimes and I read.

Read books about Canadian rock. I do. Not Canadian rock, but I do read books there. And then I was trying to read this book and this guy came down and sat next to his buddy. And looks like a totally average, run-of-the-mill guy. And over the course of this conversation, as I'm trying to read, he spanned so many different shocking topics that i was like well i can no longer pay attention to this at all i cannot pretend i'm reading anymore so i went from i mean the first thing that kind of raised my ears was he was brainstorming ways with his buddy to

try to bilk his parents out of money and this is like a 45 year old man he was like he's trying to like bilk his parents out of money oh good and then his buddy was trying to talk him out of money. And this is like a 45 year old man. He was trying to like bilk his parents out of money. Oh, good. And then his buddy was trying to talk him out of giving any more money to like a stilted ex. He was like, you can't give her any more cash.

She's going to take you for a ride. So there's a lot of drama here. And then the conversation shifted to a screenplay that he was working on. Which, you know, as soon as I heard this, I'm like,

this is going to be pretty good. And he's like, yeah, you know, like, you know, as soon as I heard this, I'm like, this is going to be pretty good. And he's like, like, yeah, you know, like, you know, that,

um, that, uh, Spike Jones movie, her, and he's like, you know, there's a lot of similarities between her and the movie I'm working on.

A lot of similarities. And the guy's like, well, like what? He's like, well, they're, you know,

both about robots. And, and, you know, for, you know, I got to say, you know, a lot of people would be pissed off that a movie like that came out before my movie came out. Before my movie was finished being written.

But, you know, I just kind of made me excited because, you know, as I said, they're pretty similar. And it just, you know, it feels really good to know that, like that my movie could win an Oscar. What's your movie about? It's about these two robots. It's called Hers. It's about a robot that short circuits. I haven't come up with one. I mean, I'm almost done.

I mean, well, I've started. I've got a title page. I wrote could win an Oscar. So that was pretty wild. I enjoyed that. I lost it too. And a couple other people at the bar, totally unaffiliated, I saw them cracking up. Sounds good.

That is pretty good. I like that you set it up with, well, I couldn't read it. I was trying to read. Well, you're at a bar why don't you let people talk it's huge this place is so huge it's the biggest bar and you can always find a little spot that's like um like tucked away my apartment is so small i mean and there's that big garbage bag and it smells like trash there's a bunch of rats wandering around and i have no bed it's less of a garbage um can more of like a garbage hamper yeah i have no bed i just kind of make a nest every night

from clothes that are on the floor so i like to like get out of the apartment and and do something uh that's not in there so that's a nice way to break it up yeah and the characters that are in there are always weird you know it's like it's a great cross-section of people that go there like myself just to be like okay this is like a neighborhood bar uh and you know i'm relatively new to that neighborhood but then there's the people that have been in in parkdale for you know like 30 or 40 years and this is the bar that's kind of been there it's kind of stood the test of time and it's probably been there since the 80s or 90s so it's got a really diverse clientele so you hear just wild wild things i want to see this guy's movie you think it's

gonna get made oh just see her it's the same yeah no he's not like he i mean the fact that he started the conversation with trying how can I get my parents to give me money that I can then lose to my ex-girlfriend? She's stilted. She's jilted. Jilted. She's stilted. She's Skrillex.

Dave, do you have one over here? Oh, we're all a little bit Skrillex. Yeah, this time of year. We who tread the boards. So I was in, I was at that store where I bought my Krampus gift, the bus newspaper dispenser. And it's this kind of antique store, not really antiques, but just like 20th century crap. Yeah. Yeah. Junk. Junk of deer. antiques but just uh like 20th century crap yeah yeah junk it's this uh place uh in kitzilano and it's got like a lot of um they had a lot of old christmas decorations uh from like the 40s and they have have a racist christmas yeah have a weight only christmas. Have a Hitler time man of the year Christmas.

But they have a lot of old maps, which would be cool because like, oh, hey, this is countries that don't exist anymore. Yeah, that's cool. Except the problem is they're classroom maps, so they are the size of a wall. Oh. That would still be if you had a wall. Yeah. Like to just kind of, I don't would still be if you had a wall yeah like to just kind of i don't know what do you do how do you put up something that big plaque mounted or just tax oh yeah some tax there you go um but yeah there's a lot of people who's antique who are seemingly regulars uh at this

place and like you do you have uh you posted this stuff on your instagram page do you still have these things or like uh oh do you have a pennant from this city? And so people come in, they ask for the thing. And the guy always says no. And then this woman came in and she said, do you have droibles or droobles? They're like the little spinning tops. And the guy said, do you mean dreidels?

Yes. Droibles. How do you think she landed on droibles? I don't know. These are not the droibles you're looking for. It was droibles and droibles. Yeah, she heard somebody say foibles at some point. She's like, yeah, remember that.

File that away. Write it in the phone. Dervishes, they're spinning they're whirling oh that's always terrible um uh past guests droible droible droible dan dan word was telling me about the the dreidel because i didn't know what i was like what what is that and he was saying that it was he's uh one of was. He's one of the chosen. He's one of the chosen. And he said that it was a way for Jewish people that were under like constant surveillance to be able to pray together.

But the dreidel was like made to be like they were doing gambling. They were like, like it was a game like dominoes or something, but actually they were getting together to like pray. That's pretty cool. You've got to pray just to make it today. Yeah. And then Rabbi MC Hammerson.

Rabbi McHammer. Fun. And then droibles. Those are used for what? Those are like the crazy things that make up a person, you know? They're all their quirks. Droibles. I got a lot of droibles. used for what those are like those are like the crazy things that make up a person you know they're all their quirks droibles yeah i got a lot of droibles yeah well we all do you know manic pixie

dream girls got a lot of droibles you look close enough everybody's got their droibles that's true oh if i had my droibles um now graham yeah my uh overheard uh Courtesy of an awful Just an awful bus ride With a group of people This is now 1.30 in the afternoon These people are smashed like it's New Years Where are you going or coming from?

I am coming back From the thrift store Oh so it's like a city bus ride City bus And like these people like they were full drunk yelling things at each other just terrible like they weren't being aggressive but they were being loud and uh at one point a guy got on the bus with a pizza and i was like oh man do i feel bad for this guy with the pizza because he was just harassed by this group like oh our pizza's here i was just like oh it's so give me a slice give me a slice yeah just let me see what's on your pizza and i was like oh this is so terrible

and then i was like you know, I didn't really see them, so I was just trying to gauge, like, how old are these people by what they're saying. And, you know, I'm like, so it's just a bunch of young kids that are super drunk. And then at one point the girl says, Mom, Mom, what's my favorite food, Mom? And she's like,

you like shrimp and chicken. She's like, I like shrimp and chicken. My favorite food is chicken. I thought you were going pizza. I thought this was a pizza payoff. No, no, no pizza payoff. Just the fact that she was drinking with her mom. And just hammered on the bus that's the conversational

fodder that they're working with yeah what kind of food do you like i like chicken mom back me up on this mom what do i like tell everybody um yeah i mean i i don't think i've never been drunk with my parents i don't think it's that weird to be drunk with your parents. It is to be on the bus. But yeah, on the bus in the middle of the day. In public. That is a weird one. I've been drinking in my parents' presence. Right.

And we'll have drinks. I think everyone gets a little bit tipsy. But never leaning off my mom and dad. Oh, yeah. drinks you know i think everyone gets a little bit a little bit tipsy but never like leaning off my mom and dad oh yeah this is what tell my aunts and uncles what kind of food i like oh yeah anytime i'm around my parents i always make sure i'm able to drive home yeah as much as my mom begs me to spend the night yeah it's uh i, uh, I don't know, it's like... I know you like to get high with your mom. She's never, no, no, she doesn't smoke pot.

Oh, she just likes the compassion. Well, she's just there with her, she's got a twin sister who likes, uh, some of that stuff, but, um, that's why it was such a shock to me. I was like, oh, you're gonna get that from me? That's such a weird... Since she's a twin, she kind of gets high through a twin connection.

Exactly. Yeah, oh, yeah gets high through the twin connection. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I got that twin connection. Oh. Now, we also have overheard sent into us by guests. And if you are

a local single in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, then call Twin Connection and find your love in the other city. What? Would Twin Connect... Oh, right. Twin Cities. Yeah. You're getting there. twin connection and find your love in the other city would twin connect oh right twin cities yeah you're getting there you'll get there do it in the metro dome uh if you want to send in an

overheard to send it into spy at maximum fun.org and this first one comes from a dive bar in toronto maybe the rhino okay yeah it be. This is from Dan from Toronto. This is an overseen in the form of some graffiti in a dive bar. It reads, Mo is the nicest person I've ever met. He is so fresh, so cool. Fuck Google.

Wow. Yeah, like if you Google Mo, it says mean things about him. Yeah but uh you meet him in person or he just owned like a competitor search engine early in the day yeah that's true mo search mo topics there must have been some search engines that we've never heard of that were early. I held on to AltaVista for a long time before. Well, no, actually, I was early on Google.

AltaVista, I feel like Canoe was one I used. Yeah, it was a Canadian one. Yeah. I never did Canoe. I definitely did AltaVista. Yahoo, WebCrawler. Yeah, Yahoo, WebCraw one I used. Yeah, it was a Canadian one. Yeah. I never did Canoe. I definitely did AltaVista. Yahoo. WebCrawler. Yeah, Yahoo.

WebCrawler I used. Ask Jeeves, of course. Lycos. Was Lycos one? Oh, yeah, Lycos. The Lycos 101. And then, like, but weren't there, were there, like, alt search engines? Oh, for like.

Like, if you were super cool, or they only search certain things, or. Oh, yeah like. Like if you were super cool or they only search certain things or. Oh, yeah. Like a corset web. Just for corsets. Yeah. Mo corsets. Yeah. This next one comes from Alicia in Chicago.

I was just in Target and saw a pregnant woman talking on her cell phone. She said, it's twins, so you know what they say, party time. What? Is that what they say about twins? I can vouch for that. Yeah. Weed

mamas. I feel like anything could have come after it's twins so you know what they say more cushion for the pussy yeah but party time surprising right

yeah that's surprising um what do they say about twins twice the fun double your pleasure they kind of look weird

um do they they look the same as each other that is a thing do you guys know twins? do you have twins in your world? twins in my world I know a couple people that I know

the one person and they have a twin sibling but I don't know the twin sibling I went to school with I'm thinking of at least four sets of twins really? through the years oh wow school with, I'm thinking of at least four sets of twins. Really? Through the years. Oh, wow. There were the services, the Jessups, the Chows, and then someone else.

I always thought it was funny because my mom's twin sister actually has twin boys as well. And they're the same age as me. So we grew up together. And she would always buy them like what I call like twin gear. Okay. You know, so it's like the same backpack, but in two different colorways or the same exact shirt, but one has a red one and one has a blue one. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That would, I mean, you know, you gotta, right? You do, but then you're like, you're labeled as a, you're kind of a two, you're two people, but you're kind of one person. Yeah, you're kind of half a person. Yeah. You know what I mean? Half a person. Yeah. Yeah.

Do they, do twins, like when it comes to voting, do they both get a vote? Like in elections? No, I don't think so. I mean, this is, you know, we're in the 1700s. Yeah. 1700s twins are a force of evil. Yeah. I feel like they maybe get half a vote each because they came from one egg or the other

way around. Sometimes there's two eggs attached. If they're fraternal. Yeah. Aaron Reed is a twin. He is? Yeah. He's a twin sister. That's always weird when it's a girl and a boy.

Yeah, fraternal. Maybe I'm just... But don't quote me. I think he's a twin Can brothers Can you be Yeah I guess If we're not quoting you I shouldn't ask

Many follow up questions But can you be Different sexes If you And identical I don't think so I don't know Can you be

Oh identical But no But one's got a wiener And the other's got a Oh boy What's the other one? No, no. What do girls have?

A vagina. Thank you. Well, you went with wiener for the men, so I was like, well, what's the wiener version for ladies? Yeah, what is it? It's a vagina. Yeah. No, maybe a vagina is more of a relative of, you know, neener. A neener? Yeah. Yeah. Ah, neener. Yeah, maybe a vagina is more of a relative of, you know, Neener. Oh, Neener.

Yeah. Neener. Yeah, that's good. What did you call yours as a child? Frank. I think we've talked about this a thousand times. We were a wiggy family. That's funny.

Yeah. And you, Connor? What, the name for the genitals? Yeah. I was, oh, shit, probably. that's funny yeah and you Connor what the name for the genitals yeah uh I was oh shit probably

think back think long and hard I think we always called it like a cock called it my hard dick yeah and of course

my sister's had pussies we were conservative And of course my sisters had pussies. We were a conservative bunch. Both my parents are doctors. And his cousins had twin cocks. Oh, I got something fucked up on my cock. Connor, stop touching your cock. All right, Connor, it's time to have the talk about your cock. About your cock. Connor, stop touching your cock. All right, Connor, it's time to have the talk about your cock.

About your cock. Well, what's going to happen is you're going to get a boner. And you're going to juice. Rock fucking hard, buddy. Oh, gross. Silly. Oh, Lordy. Do we have one more of the written in? We do. This comes from Max, also from Chicago.

There's a long setup, but I think I'm just going to skip the setup and go right to the O word. So this is two runners waiting for a light to change, and they're talking about a place that has recently gone out of business. Runner one says, oh, weird, that bar closed down. Runner two, what bar? That one right there. Oh, I always thought that was just a ravey laundromat. So, you know,

fill in the spaces yourself. It was open all night. Can't get confused. Suds everywhere. If rent is low enough, you can make any ridiculous business. And it's a legitimate business. Yeah, that's true. A weed cafe.

Yeah. Or like a ravey laundromat. Oh, well, we only pay 200 bucks a month for rent, so we can, you know, we support ourselves. Yeah. People do their laundry under a black light. And then one day it hit me. I mean, I love raving, and I got to clean my clothes. I'm filthy. You sweat a lot when you're on ecstasy.

So that's all the written ones. That's all the overheard ones. No, I disagree. I think there's probably phoned in ones. If you would like to call in your overheard, here's how you do it. You dial 206-339-8328, leave a message, and that's it. Here is your first overheard of 2015. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Hey, Dave and Graham and guests.

This is Casey in Maryland. I'm calling in an overheard from Reykjavik, Iceland, last year. And, of course, I had to visit the Iceland Phallological Museum to see all of the various peni from all walks of life, but mostly whales. And there was a little boy there, about four or five, with his mom, who was walking around just from window display to window display, asking, What's that a willy of? Oh. What's that a willy of?

Just each time. He's very cute with the accent. Precious. Love the show. Thanks. Bye. So it's a museum that's just Precious. Love the show. Thanks. Bye. So it's a museum that's just... Cacks.

Cacks. Cacks. What's that a cack of? They got any pussies in there or what? No, no. That's a mixed thought. Pussy museum. Yeah.

I didn't know that that's a thing. Oh, you got to go. Into Iceland. Yeah. Yeah. But a whale's penis would be very, like,

what would that be in? Like, I imagine they're mostly in, lucky, it would be in your mom. Oh, no.

But what, in jars, or? It's like an old camper back out behind the museum. You just look through the window. It's in there watching TV. Oh tv oh in like formaldehyde jars like rasputins yeah like what are they are they just stuffed and mounted on a wall or like

other animals non-human animals uh have bones like whales have bones like in their in their we like the david borianna's series bones oh right uh no uh yeah in their wiener really yeah wiener bones so they're really boners they yeah they really that's where that comes from i don't know i you know maybe maybe they're in jars who cares i think they're in jars you know i don't think they're a bunch of freestanding dicks, just like paperweights, like a bunch of beer bottles. Just on a guy's desk. Or maybe they're... Or they're modeled by different guys come out. Oh, sure.

With the whole spandex pants. He's wearing a plaster cast version of an elephant. A rhino's penis. So plated. Here's your next phone call. Hello, David Graham. It's Ivan Decker calling. Oh.

Your best friend. I'm walking down Granville Street, and I just heard some guy trying to pick up a girl and he was introducing himself to her he's like I didn't get your name

and she said it's Alana and he said Aladdin and then she said Alana again and he still said Aladdin again

and it was the best thing I've ever heard also a lady just tried to sort of bring me with a baguette oh man sounds like a lot

nothing beats grambles yeah uh Aladdin no it's Aladdin Aladdin

it's like oh Aladdin his mind was just so blown you know he's like I finally met somebody named fucking Aladdin

yeah brings out his carpet show me the world met somebody named fucking Aladdin. Brings out his carpet. Show me the world. Oh, man. Oh, fun. Fun. I liked Aladdin.

Yeah, me too. It was my favorite, or of the Disney movies that managed to squeeze their way into my childhood, which was Lion King, Aladdin, Little Mermaid, probably. Yeah. Younger Sisters. I loved Aladdin the most. Yeah. squeeze their way into my childhood which was lion king aladdin little mermaid probably yeah younger sisters um i loved aladdin the most yeah no it was great song great song and dance numbers

glad to have a friend like you wait no that's that's lion king no uh a friend like me you'll never have a never ever like glad to have a friend like you is Marlo Thomas. Is that her name? Jill told Bill that it was lots of fun to cook. Bill told Jill that she could bait a real fish hook. So they made ooey gooey chocolate cake, sticky licky sugar pop, and they goggled it and giggled. And they sat by the river and they fished by the water and they talked as a squirmy worm he's wiggled singing glad to have a friend like you fair and fun and skipping free glad to have a friend like you glad to just be me that's uh from free to be you and me oh is that about it's about uh you know, being in New York.

Dick Cavett's in it. Mel Brooks is in it. He's a girl. Classic. It's how children were raised in the 70s. Just watch this. Watch this Mel Brooks joint. All right.

Here's your final overheard of 2015. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Brandon from Boston calling with an overheard. I was at a funeral today, and we were kind of backstage as the rabbi was preparing the family for the service. And the last thing he said was, please turn off your phones or set it on vibrator. Little levity.

This funeral service is going to be steamy. Yeah. You're not going to need to pleasure yourself during this service. Backstage at a funeral. Oh, I'm so nervous. Don't be nervous. This is our big break. I'm the kind of guy who masturbates at a funeral.

Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. Wowie. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. Wowie. Zowie. Zowie. Well, that brings us to the end of the show. Oh.

Connor, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Where can people find what you're doing out in Toronto and in the world? They can work for you. They can get fired by you. That's, well, I only fired the one. So, I got a pretty good track record. One for one. One for one. I'm doing,

I mean, it doesn't matter now, I'm doing Rap Battles next week. Yep, already passed. So already passed. And then if you're in Toronto, Bad Dog Theatre, which is an improv theatre that's... Not affiliated with Ubu, who's a good

dog. Oh yeah. Woof. That's great. Sorry, tell me more. I liked your Ubu joke. People might need to know. Tell us about Bad Dog Theater. I couldn't resist. You know, I gotta say it. You gotta. You get served

that ice cream. You gotta take a big bite. It's a it's theater in Toronto some of the best improvisers in the city and it's a lot of fun

great shows every night of the week up on Bloor in Ossington so if you're in Toronto come by

and say hello yeah every night of the week every night of the week yeah cool man

oh yeah go ahead. Oh, I was just going to say, thanks. Thanks for being a guest. Cool, thanks. Graham, you are in Toronto also. Yeah, I'll be there. This month.

As of today. I'm there. And I'm getting ready to perform this show. Pure experiment. This is experimental theater at its most experimental. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Somebody may die.

It's a snuff play. It's a snuff one-man show. Now I'm definitely coming. It's called Graham Clark Reads the Phone Book. It's at the Factory Theater. You can buy tickets at fringetoronto.com. But it's not really a play. No, it's not.

Because you wouldn't want to call it that. That would keep people away. Yeah. The last thing people want. And it would require some sort of plot and ending and some sort of beginning. A lot of strikes. Yeah, yeah.

It's a snuff play. It's a snuff play. And you know what? If you like this show, why don't you head over to MaximumFun.org, check out the blog recap of the show. Pictures and videos of things we talked about on the show. That song from Free to Be You and Me. Yeah, there was something during the show that I was like, oh yeah, we definitely have to put up a picture of that.

I can't remember what it is. Yeah, maybe the penis museum. Oh, yeah. Oh, penis museum. Absolutely. Lotta Cox. That's what it's called. The Lotta Cox

Memorial. Yeah, it's named after a famous Icelandic woman. Ida Lotta Cox. Lotta Cox daughter. And if you like the show, please do tell your friends

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Is that good? Yeah, that's good. And then You want to lean back? Bring it with you You want to move around? Bring it with you

These things are silent Okay They're like What's the silent killer? Oh Jack the Ripper Typhoid Oh no

Heart disease, isn't it? Jack the Ripper Oh, it's the silent The silent killer Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture Artist owned Jack the Ripper. Oh, it's the silent killer. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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