Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 358 - Pat Kelly

Episode Date: January 26, 2015

Pat Kelly returns to talk stretching, raincoats, and vigilante work. Also, we spoil Gone Girl and Foxcatcher, but that's okay because nobody wants to see Foxcatcher.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 358 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's looking pretty bristly these days, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, yeah I haven't been shaved since Christmas. And you got kind of like longish hair.

I haven't had my hair cut since October. I know, it looks like you're about to record. I'm a cool dad. Yeah, like record a real soulful album. An album? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, like kind of a collection of things you've been writing on the road.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't know. I wish I had a mirror right now so I could play off of that. Yeah, no, you do. You look like... I don't have a lot of soul. No, but you look like it, though.

You got the right look. Sure. So if you're ever going to though. You got the right look. Sure. So, if you're ever going to put out an album, now's the time. Okay. Or at least just take the picture now. Yeah. That's true. Put out the album whenever you want.

Yeah. Yeah. This is the look you want. All right. Cool. With that shirt, too. It's a nice denim-y shirt. Yeah.

It's from the folks at Club Monaco. Club Monaco. Number one for shirts. It's actually, this was too small for me. I didn't even try it on when I bought it. You just saw it on the mannequin and said, make me one of those.

I had bought a medium from them before and I've, look, if it says slim fit, I'm pretty sure it fits me. It did not. Now it fits me better now now now after the holidays you work out during the holidays you do the reverse i don't eat i don't eat and our guest today comedian improviser one half of this is that on uh cbc mr pat kelly is our

guest gentlemen hello and welcome i was gonna say thank you and welcome no we say well i'm welcome Uh, CBC. Mr. Pat Kelly is our guest. Gentlemen. Hello. Thank you. And welcome. I was going to say thank you and welcome. No, we say welcome. I'm welcome here, right? Yeah, absolutely. I'm welcome here. Do you feel welcome?

I do feel welcome. Then welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you for being a guest on our show. And welcome. Well, thank you.

Yeah. For having me. And welcome. And you're welcome. And welcoming. And. Bienvenue. Bienvenue. Um. Joyeux Noël. you for having me and you're welcome and welcome and bienvenue bienvenue um joya newell uh should we get to know it get to know us us get to know us get to know us there we go um how's it going i'm doing great yeah fantastic What are you up to? January?

Any resolutions? Stretch. Actually, I am in the midst of stretchuary. Tell me more. So what has happened to me is a revelation that I realize, and this is a product of other people telling me about my father, who is about to turn 70. Oh, okay. You know your father. He's not a mystery.

I know, I know. People have told me this. They're like, you have a dad and you're about to meet him this month. Start stretching. We're going to do like a rebirth thing. It's going to be really weird. This is a man I've known my entire life, but he is about to turn 70 years old and he is in phenomenal shape.

What does he do? What's his like kind of stretches, but like, does he run? I've always known. Yeah. He'll, he'll,

he'll get a little exercise here and there every, uh, you know, every day. But the thing that my dad has always done, and I've started to just late in life, really realize that that's. No, you're not late in life. No. Yeah. Well, we're on the other side, David, we're getting close.

Aren't we? Yeah. So, but he's. Things are getting dimmer. The key is his like calisthenic stretching thing. So my dad gets up in the morning, doesn't talk to anybody, doesn't put on a computer, doesn't make coffee. Just like goes into the living room, takes 15 minutes, stretches. Does these kind of like loops and, you know, bends and stuff.

Okay. And so I said to myself in January, you know what I'm going to do? Because I was getting sick of honestly. Do you know, bends and stuff. Okay. And so I said to myself in January, you know what I'm going to do? Because I was getting sick of honestly. Do you know his routine? I don't know his routine. I don't know his routine. Do you know how long it takes?

I'm modeling it after like a 10, 15 minute session. 15 minutes a day stretch. First thing in the morning. So what I was getting sick of was getting up and just turning on a computer or like, you know, I'd immediately get up and go to my phone. And I never really felt like my brain or my, you know, just focus. Is it your soul? My soul wasn't coming alive.

So you were just, you were like an automaton. Like you were like, like charging overnight. Aren't we all? You get up and you're like, let's go check it. Yeah. What did I miss? What did I miss? Let's see what emails Club Monaco sent overnight.

Yeah, exactly. Slim fitted shirts are 30% off. That happened at four in the morning? Yeah. How did I miss that? Oh man, if I was on the East coast, I'd be getting it. G7. Yeah.

So, uh, I'm in the midst of stretchuary. And I think it's going to turn into stretch life. Okay. Yeah. So how is it going so far? But it also works for February. Same end of month. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to have to change it for stretch. Stretch. It's not that bad, though. No, stretch is fine. Yeah. Stray pearl, that's awful. Yeah. Stray pearl sounds horrible.

Stray means go get some on the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, stray pearl, that's awful. Yeah, stray pearl sounds horrible. Stray means go get some on the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But it's May. It's when a young man's fancy turns to stretches. What other month? Now, we'll get back to this. Yeah.

Okay, because I've heard of people doing Sober January. Is that a thing? Yeah, I know it. I do. Stretuary, we know. I do Drivevember. So I don't have to worry about sober January.

Everybody else is growing a mustache during November. I just don't drink booze in November. I do estuary, which is where a river meets an ocean. Kind of this salty water thing. Every day I do Peninsula, right? I do Benny in June. That's where I watch Benny in June

every day for the month of June. Oh, really? Or anything with Benny in it. I do July to Me, where I July or Liar is what I call it. I was going to say it was about the, oh boy, Johnny Lang, 16-year-old

blues prodigy song, Lie to Me. What about the TV show Lie to Me? What's that? Do you guys do Septombra? Yeah, that's... That's where you just speak French for September? I do Septombre, which is like where my hair changes color. I do Septombre, Septombro.

Oh. Septombra. Septombra, which is I just hang out with my bras. I do Shocktober, where every day I bite a live wire. Cool. Yeah. I do Mocktober, which is where you wear a mock turtleneck, and then you watch spoofs.

Where you make fun of yourself for wearing that mock turtleneck. Yeah, yeah. Do you guys ever do, ugh, gust? Wait, you're over it? Yeah, you're over everything. You're like, you know what, I'm over it. Ugh, gust. Yeah. So will you do all the same things?

Chinese calendar. What is the, are they different months? Chinese calendar? I don't know. They have a whole nother, they've got a whole nother year. Is there a different calendar that I could be using in 2015? Like that would make sense to you.

Like a metric calendar. Like a revelation where you're like, why have I been going off this calendar? Yeah. What do I, what do I owe? Do you know the reason? No, someone explained this to me a long time ago, but it's probably wrong.

The reason February has so few days. Leap year crap. No, it's because they took some days, well, you're probably right. They took some days away from February because Julius Caesar has July named after him which is 31 days and Caesar Augustus wanted an extra day on his month so he could have the same amount of days as julius caesar so the calendar is just bunkola well basically it was like some scientists like we're we're in this

now too but right this day and age some scientists went into the leaders and said this is how this works some guy was like nope take a day from his, put it on mine. That's right. It's like, global warming is happening. Nope. Nope. Take a bit of this, move it over there. When was this?

There was global warming back then? No, I'm saying now. The parallel is now. It's just always the politicians. Just making it work for the politicians. Lobbying. Lobbying. He was in the calendar lobby. work for the politicians. Yeah, yeah, lobbying.

Lobbying. He was in the calendar lobby. So it's, you know, like, is there a Nordic calendar that I could be following? Oh, yeah. Well, no, I don't think the calendar does anything for anyone.

I think it's just... But what about people who... So we all know what day it is. But what about people who say, today's my Friday? They feel like they're on a different calendar. Oh, fantastic. Have you ever, like, when you go to a restaurant yeah how are you doing and they're the server's like

fantastic today's my friday yeah so they bend the calendar to their will totally so why can't they feel waking up on a thursday morning being like saturday morning baby exactly i don't know what they're feeling. Yeah, their version of Saturday Night Live is like something, something 1130 news. Yeah. It's the Big Bang Theory. And their version of football is whatever's on 10 a.m. on a Sunday. It's darts on TSN.

And then, like, because we have in the Western world, New Year's Eve, that's December 31st. But then in Chinese calendar, it's, when is it? Middle of March or something? No, no. It's this month. Oh. It's January sometimes.

Late January. Late January. Yeah. But see, it's like everybody's just doing their own. It's lunar, man. Oh, theirs is lunar? Yeah. And everything is lunar.

Mm-hmm. Everything is based off of the moon. But what about the sun? You know what I mean? Think of all the newspapers. Yeah, there's no newspaper called the moon. No, exactly. The Detroit moon.

Moon. The only evening newspaper. Comes out at two in the morning when you're sleeping. And they got a page six girl who's moving you. That's the reason why you don't have time to stretch in the morning. You're sleeping. They got a page six girl. That's the reason why you don't have time to stretch in the morning. You got to get up and grab that moon paper. You're like, what happened while I was sleeping?

Did you ever have a paper route or route? I did. Did you? Yeah. I helped out with one for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know my, my dad.

My friend took mine over, um, because he was in sort of a different situation. Um. He was a 40 year old man with a van? No, he needed. He's like, I'm taking over the trip. He had this, the goal of the paper route or the objective of the paper route was to pay for something, right? Yeah. And so I'd kind of reach a skateboard.

Cool. So I'd sort of reached my goal because I'd kind of multitasked on the side. I was doing some other chores around the neighborhood, mowing some lawns, all this kind of stuff. My friend, Paul, his dad said he needed like hockey skates. Right.

His dad said, there's no way I'm paying for these. You got to work. So our neighborhood was divided up into different routes, but unnecessarily, like one kid could have done the whole thing. Yeah. So as a sort of a throw my friend a bone kind

of thing, after about two months of doing mine, I was like, you want, you need the extra scratch. I've paid for my thing. You gotta lift skate, you need a right skate. Yeah. Yeah. But then he ended up getting, he expanded like big time.

Was it? It was like his mom would get up with him in the morning at like 530 and they'd drive around and he picked up other, all these different routes. And then he'd learn how to sprint like from the car with his bag and do a neighborhood real stage mother. Like it's like a paper route. Just like a super low status job. Yeah. Sad that those don't exist anymore. Yeah. It's all don't exist anymore. Yeah, it's all,

it's like dudes in Honda Civics just ripping around at 4.30 in the morning. Yeah, finding the one person on the block who still subscribes to a paper. Yeah, it's one per street, I imagine.

Well, it's maybe more depending on the neighborhood. Like my parents. Do you get a paper here? No, but my parents still get a paper. But there's still like free, whatever, like courier or whatever. There's still free Wi-Fi. Like my parents. Do you get a paper here? No, but my parents still get a paper. But there's still like free whatever,

like courier or whatever. There's still free Wi-Fi. Yeah, absolutely. My parents get a paper and I'm sure like my parents also live in a neighborhood where they get three people a year trick-or-treating

because there's no kids in the neighborhood. Oh, they must have so much leftover candy. They do. Do they buy a lot thinking it's going to happen? This is the year.

But I imagine that the fewer trick-or-treaters you get, the more people there are on your street who get a newspaper. Yeah, that's probably a good inverse relationship. The older you are, the more likely you are to still get a newspaper. I also had a flyer job. Yeah, that's what I helped out with was with a flyer. You had that sack and we dumped them in. My brother and I realized.

You were in the dumpster? No, there's like this, like it was a bushes. We learned like fairly early on That there was no check Like nobody's going around Going make sure everybody got the pizza Fire and the vacuum Carpet cleaning thing

And we were like we could just dump things Wouldn't any of the pizza places be like Why did so many people order pizza to a bush This time Or You were out in the woods dumping it and there was a man dumping his old pornography in the woods. Trade you the pornography fairy. That's the saddest part is the onlineness of pornography is that there is no pornography fairy anymore.

Yeah, that's true. There's no discovering it. There's no discovery of like. Like a box of treasure out in the woods. Or maybe there is. I don't know. There probably still is. like. Like a box of treasure. Yeah. Out in the woods. Or maybe there is. I don't know. There probably still is. We talked about this once, guys.

I'm sure. We did. I'm sure, yeah. When we were here. But so you would dump like a whole roots worth of flyers in the bush or like one for one? Basically you'd have to fake, no, you'd fake that you'd go and do it. Oh yeah, you'd go pick up. You'd like be on your bike, you'd wear the sack, then you'd drive to the bush area.

Dump them. Get on your bike, get in a car, drive to the bush. No, no, you'd dump them in the bush, then you'd go, okay, well, we need to kill like 45 an hour right now. And you'd go do something fun. Go get high.

I'm not that old yet talking to a 12 year old okay what would you do what would you do to kill the time go do sweet jumps all 12 year olds do is kill time we'd go do sweet jumps or yeah you know check check out some scary stuff yeah check out some strange you know which is what i call it peer over a fence yeah yeah it never appeared over run through a construction site yeah, that's true. That you've never peered over. Run through a construction site. Yeah, exactly. Steal a two by four because you need to make a jump higher.

Find porn. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, to be 12 again. I remember. Oh, God, could you imagine how exciting that would be? Yeah. When I was a kid.

My nephew's about to enter that phase. It was like the newspaper was delivered in the afternoons. What? Which seemed really weird. I mean, you grew up in Vancouver. That's just lazy reporting. That's like, should we get this off at six in the morning? No, man.

Everyone's got to go paddle boarding for a bit. Everybody's stretching at six in the morning. So let's get back to stretching. Okay. You've been doing it. Yeah. How do you feel? What do you start with?

You get on your legs. It's started to change. It's started to change. But I've started to do a couple of arm spins. Have you consulted anyone? Are you just doing it? I'm just doing it. I'll maybe look at different things online throughout the day and just be like, oh, that'd be a good one.

You spend four hours a day looking at men stretch on. Yeah. And then I do it for about 10 minutes while my mind is like, what is on the internet? It varies, but truthfully, it's honestly more, it's less about the physical stretching. And I've actually noticed a big difference in letting my mind wake up in natural, like natural ways. Just like waking up and taking it all in. Just not putting a screen on.

Is it raining out? Yeah. Are there birds singing? Just yawn a bit and do some stretching and like the stretches, I like, they're not, I'm not a pro or anything. And then after a while, you're just like. When will you turn pro, do you think? A pro stretcher?

Are you hoping to get drafted? Well, I think like, I don't know. Do yoga people do? Are those pros? I don't want to ever be that pro. No. But like touch your toes, like spit your arm. Can you touch your toes?

Well, I've started to. See, this is what I'm seeing results now. Yeah, I'm nowhere near that. I'm seeing results in my own. I can touch my toes. I can put my foot in my mouth. Gross. That's not the type of stretch.

But have you always been flexible? That's the thing. I mean, kids are always flexible, aren't they? No, I don't think. Yeah, but you're not a child. I'm saying now you're just a naturally flexible person. I didn't do much exercising in my twenties. Okay.

Um, and now I do a little bit, but I do, I do morning, not really stretches, I guess. I do, uh, you know, like whatever sit-ups and push-ups. This has always been part of your routine. The last four or five years. So you've been in stretch years yeah yeah yeah yeah you've been doing a routine you've got a routine do you do it every day so you've been you're kind of been like my dad yeah see this is my dad has been doing this in a lot of ways a lot of ways you and my dad are kind of the same my dad is also tell me

something i need to do a guy around 70 who is in incredible shape as well. Your dad is? Yeah, but he runs and swims and does tennis and stuff. Yeah, my dad does active things as well, but it's the morning part that I'm. I really. But like my whole life he woke up way before all of us. Yep. And ran or went to the health club and swam.

That's what my dad does, but he hates stretching. He's always hated. Yeah, exactly. He's anti-stretching. I like to just get up and go. I've come to know, like, so my wife and I decided to do this together. Oh, you got married. Congratulations.

Yeah. Oh, and so this is a couple's thing. Well, some mornings it is, some mornings it isn't. And, like, she's probably not going to listen to this. No. Why not? Well, this is a boy's zone. Boy's only. Boy's zone. Welcome to boy's zone.

So, this is sort of a... I can't think of another British boy band. Oh, uh... One Direction. Yeah, this is obviously like, boy. What was the one I'm thinking of Robin Williams No

Robbie Williams Yeah they sang You Never Had A Friend Like Me That was their big hit He sang Rock DJ But in a funny voice That was Oh

That's what we are Westenders Yes we're the Westenders No they weren't. Take that. Take that. With Gary Barlow. Yeah.

So anyway, she will not. I want you back. I want you back. We'll just make sure that she doesn't listen to this part. Okay. But I prefer the by myself one. Oh, no. Mostly for that reason.

Getting up before everyone else, moment to yourself. Yeah. Just stretch it out. It doesn't have to be long, honestly. Like you kind of go, I think I'm done. Now I'll just make some coffee and fire up the machine. Yeah. Yeah.

You know. Let it go. Here's what I've been, here's the tip I've been on. Is when I used to be at work, I'm on paternity leave now. I used to be at work. I would wake up at 6.30. Which means he got injured at work or what does paternity leave? It means that he tried to lift something with his back, not with his nose.

But I would, I'd wake up at 6.30. I didn't have to be at work till nine and I would go, I would open up my screens, uh, and then whatever, look at them for a while. And then eventually, uh, do my routine, my stretches and planks and whatever. And then I. Planks and yanks. Yep. Yeah. That's my boy band.

Some of us are pieces of wood. Some of us are Americans. Um, and. That's my salmon American hot dog restaurant. Planks and Yanks. Plank salmon, right? Yankee doodle dandy.

That's not the name of a hot dog. Is it Yankee doodle dandy? Don't you call Yanks? Anything American is a hot dog. Or it's a hamburger. Here come the hot dogs. But now that I don't have to be at work, I just wake up early so I can just be by myself for a few hours. And then I will immediately turn on the screens, watch some pirated movies that I've...

But immediately, like, you get up. Yeah. And you're like... I make the coffee. I get to watch my laptop by myself. I change the baby, and then I go, and I'm like, well, coffee I get to watch my laptop by myself I change the baby and then I go and I'm like well I'm there's a baby exchange

yeah I change the baby for I look at the markets I wake so wait the baby the baby exchanges so that Abby can sleep a little longer or are you with the baby for those are you by yourself is this a man by himself I? Or are you with the baby for those?

Are you by yourself? Is this a man by himself? I used to wake up with a baby, change her, and then feed her and hang out with her in the morning. Now she just likes to go back to sleep. So I just change her

and put her back in bed. Yeah. This is a baby who's getting the idea about raising a baby, but that sounds fantastic. It's really great. Yeah. It's great.

And then like, hey, I'm going to watch The Theory of Everything today and then I'm going to stretch. Did you do that? Yeah. And? Well,

I'm, as a member of the Movie Piraters Guild, I get all these screeners in advance. In advance screeners. Yeah. It was good.

It was, I liked it a lot. It was my favorite of the things I've seen. I haven't seen Boyhood. Of all these things that you're supposed to see i don't um i don't know anything about any of these so i just did gone girl knew nothing about it yeah i did too yeah that's cool and but i don't know that was some kind of weird thing in my throat. Gone Girl, I saw it, yes. Yeah, so, you know, if you haven't seen it, then just zip past this. Also, if you're Pat's wife, zip past this.

Yeah, zip, yeah. I prefer to stretch by myself. Did you... I'm sure she does, too, actually. Did you believe that thing? Did that really happen? No, like, after it was revealed that she's not dead all right which by the way was revealed to everyone before they saw the movie well i didn't

know i didn't i knew i had no context don't yell at me um i knew that and i was mad because it was it was like so it was something i guess people spoiled yeah Yeah. It was a fun thing to spoil. I didn't know that that was happening. But I was happy that it was only spoiled an hour in and there was still like another hour. But then that second hour, I was like, come on. Like what? The whole time I was like, fuck, what the fuck? Oh, that's Doogie Howser.

Yeah. It kicked in for me in a good way when she was like, when she started narrating, right? Like how to fake a murder. Sure. I'm like, oh, cool. Another movie basically now. Yeah.

And then I kind of cared less when she was covered in blood and came back home. There was a part where I was like, no, you lost me, film. And she's carrying all the money that she has for this scheme in a money belt that falls out in front of her friends. And then after celebrating playing mini golf. Yeah, that's right. And then the friends are like, we're going to go get that money. And where is it?

In the money belt. She's still wearing it in the dumb money belt. Foolish mistake While she's cleaning So you're telling me somebody who planned a fake murder How would you do it then? How would you not fake the murder? But if you were carrying

Like a bunch of rolls of toonies and loonies Are you packing? Are you packing money right now? Maybe Did I ever sound Canadian just then? Are you packing money right now? In answer to your question It would be great if she was wearing one of those

Things like with With all the coins Like at a bingo hall Where you're like how much you need back hun I would do it I thought about this while I was watching it I was like how would I do it I would do it like no country for old men Put you put it in the vent put it in the vent nobody's gonna look in the vent

let's honestly go through this exercise in your own home dave we're in your home okay yeah my home you just have let's say ten thousand dollars in cash how did i get this is this is this just what you have it's just no no it was, you had sex for it and you earned it. I earned it. Like a paper route. You had sex with 10,000 people. But you know. For a dollar each.

Wow. But you know for sure somebody might come in to break into your house because they know you have it. Yeah. Where do you hide this? In my butt. Yeah. In Dave's butt? In my butt. Yeah. In Dave's butt. In my butt or a friend's butt.

I would hide it in Dave's butt. I don't think anybody would look in Dave's butt. That's my guess. Everybody's looking. Mine, I just slept with a thousand people for a dollar each. Oh, yeah, that's true. So everybody's looking in my butt. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Are we being honest? Like, just looking around this room. Like, where do you think no one would look? Inside the dehumidifier. Inside a full thing. Like I would take a thing of ice cream and like take out the top half of the ice cream, put the money in a plastic bag, put the ice cream. Dumb mistake.

I would peel up the corner of carpet. People want to go right into a house and be like, where's their ice cream? Okay, you hold him there. I'm starving. I deserve a treat. But you know what I would do is I would put, it would be a bucket of KFC in the fridge. That would be what they'd go for. And then there'd be a Cameron's when they open it.

A Cameron's at the KFC? Yeah. But what for? Because that goes right to the cops. inside. When they open it. The camera inside the KFC? Yeah. Because it goes right to the cops. That's not just something you're recording for later. Check it out. My weird fetish is I like seeing people get KFC. I'd

pickle the money. That's very good. Even if it was, you could see that there was money in a homemade pickled thing. You know, like people pickle things. But then you'd have to take it and it would smell like pickles. Because nobody wants these other people's

homemade pickles. Yeah. Like when somebody gives you a pickle jar, they're like, I pickled some beets. Enjoy. And you're like, there's $10,000 in there. They'll never know. Or they'll just be like, I don't beets. Enjoy. And you're like, there's $10,000 in there. They'll never know. Or they'll just be like, I don't want it.

I'll never use that money. Like they might go to open it and you could just be like, no, that's not ready yet. Yeah. No, that's a good call. I would actually put it in my pickle belt, which I wear every day. It's a belt of pickles. But it's true. Money belts I don't think is like a really modern thing.

It's like, you know what I need to do? Keep my cash close to my tummy. But after like, after your super sleazy friends have seen you drop that money, it's time to go for plan B. Yeah.

Go for plan leave. See, we thought after we saw that moment is that they, the sleazy friends knew all along. That she had money? Yeah. That they were just like, what's this?

Like, cause remember the woman like drops these hints after where she's like. Oh, they knew all. By the way, if you're on, if you're trying to hide from somebody, don't do this, don't do that. And don't do this. Like they, they were playing her. Oh, they were playing the short guy. But they were dumb country bumpkins. Yeah.

But they're not that dumb because they're playing. Ah, so it's what the lesson is on us, the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not to judge. Yeah. But what about Doogie Howser's house? Yeah. Good house.

Great house. That was just, that was just his summer house or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Great house. Yeah, that's right. His isolated. Oof. I mean.

So many cameras. Yeah. Well, if you right. His isolated. Oof. I mean. So many cameras. Yeah. If you could afford two really good houses, wouldn't you just live in one of them and live off the other, selling the other one? But where would you keep your sex slave? Well, financially speaking, he should get a tenant, right? Yeah. In the other house. That was implied that she was going to have to pay rent.

Yeah, exactly. Here's what I'm thinking. You're an old friend of mine. Look, I need to get something out of this. This is an investment property, but I don't mind just paying the mortgage on it. I don't need... Look, these capital gains are killing me. The thing is, this

cabin will go up. It'll be worth something. Right now, I need to... Well, just wait until this whole faking your death thing blows over. Yeah. And get a job. You know, they need a bad girl down at the... Yeah.

The Piggly Pokely or whatever it's called. That's what they call it. The Piggly Pokely. What is it called? Piggly Wiggly. Piggly Wiggly. Get with it. Oakity Pokedy. Anyway um anyway so we just talked about

movies did you like it that movie did at the end were you like what do you mean we just talked about movies who us yeah we just yeah i know um the thing is about uh these movies is that i don't really see like you know we live in such a, an era of stuff. Yeah. Like I never actually watch the movies I'm supposed to, that they tell us we're supposed to watch. Yeah. So around this time, there's like five or 10 movies that you're like, well, that actually looks good. So you sit down and you do them.

And that was like the first, I guess, of the actually watch movie season i i don't i haven't watched like films in a while i haven't been i watched like peaky blinders have you watched peaky blinders no but netflix really thinks i should it's good really yes seems a little peaky no it's good um yeah yeah okay and horseman bob jack horseman or bojack Horseman now who's your dad and horseman this is what we're turning into this is what this is happening this is why you must stretch in the morning

or else you're like you know this thing right it's not helping our dads no I'm more my dad than my dad my dad will be like don't. No, I'm more my dad than my dad. My dad will be like, I just don't watch that stuff. I'm at least trying to navigate through it. Yeah, Bojack Horseman's good. Yeah.

My mom will occasionally tell me like, should I see this? And it'll be something that really gets me out of left field. Nymphomaniac. No, I watched, I saw that oh yeah was on cable uh and i had never seen it i loved borat yeah because i like doing voices i like being the guy who's good at voices nice oh is that the one oh geez no i do with a friend oh um and uh uh my but my parents saw bruno in the theater yeah and there's so many dicks like i it was mean it means spirited and it was like homophobic and i didn't watch the whole there's a part where a penis like yeah i saw why did they they just like because it's part

of their routine to go to movies they go go to movies. That one. Yeah, I guess one of their friends, or they read an article in the New York Times. We went and saw, did I talk about this on podcast? My family and I at Christmas went and saw Foxcatcher because it was the only one. No, we saw that at the film festival here. And it wasn't, that's not a movie that you go to with your family and sit in stunned silence for two and a half hours. What's crazy about the, I saw it at the film festival here. And for whatever reason, because the subject is wrestling. Yeah.

The entire UBC wrestling male and female team were there. And the guy who introduced the movie was like, we are just so, he hadn't seen it yet, obviously. And he was like, we are just so proud that there's a movie about wrestling and starring Steve Carell and Jadab Channing. And this is going to be fantastic. And they've asked me to come up here and say all these things.

So enjoy the film, everybody. I know we will. And all these like people with these cauliflower ears and stuff were like yeah i thought they were wearing the actual like no no but they you can tell like they did an amazing job in that movie of like okay those little cauliflower ears so anyway it's this creepy movie that yeah it's one it's a great movie that like in the sense that they've they've really hid the story it's it's a lot of the because you would never have known the marketing around it it's a true story yeah some people have read

articles about it but unless you were like unless you maybe watched the news in 1978 or whatever you wouldn't actually know that so you know when it actually happened was 1996 was it really okay so yeah but anyway like unless you're watching the news. But it's not intended to do, like, a disco thing with the movie. Yeah. No, I mean, it takes place, the movie, when you watch it, takes place in the 80s, but the actual thing took place in the 90s. What's the actual thing?

Steve Carell, there was the DuPont family, which is a millionaire legacy, which I think is DuPont chemicals and and paint and all that. Yeah, and he's one of our generation's Dow. Yes. So he was the heir and had this fascination with wrestling. Who doesn't? We've all grown up watching the Iron Sheep. So if you stop listening, right, if you're.

Yeah, stop listening again. Stop listening. This is spoiler cast. No one's going to watch Foxcatcher. I don't know. It's great. There's some cool performances in it. Now, but I i i'm over

performances okay i will actually think mark ruffalo's performance is more worthy than steve carell yeah he was he stole the movie and it's in in the in short what happens and it's a true story is that this guy decides he wants to finance the u.s steve carell yeah steve carell wants to steve carell in a fake nose fake nose and weird uh hairdo okay and just creep creep guy kind of he wants to finance the u.s olympic wrestling team uh even though he has no business in that area he's like a lonely born rich kid who who's never had friends. But he's been given. Sort of like me. Yeah.

Classic. Start a podcast or get the rest. Yeah. And then he, you know, it's not explicitly said, but he has some kind of relationship with this star wrestler whose brother isn't even. No, Channing Tatum. Okay. Tatum Channing

and then yeah Potato Patata Charming Paintball Pato Chompani and Mark Ruffalo plays like kind of the more famous brother who DuPont really wanted but couldn't get so he settles on

like Mark Ruffalo kind of sniffs a creep. But his brother takes a bait and blah, blah, blah. Anyway. He's super creepy. Stop listening. Yeah, stop listening now. If you don't want to hear this part.

Steve Carell's character kicks in and ends up shooting him. Yeah, he murders Mark Ruffalo's character. And this is a real life story. On his like mansion. Yeah, sprawling property. Like Rockefeller style property style property shoots him to death in front of his wife. Yeah. And, uh, in front of Steve Carell's wife. No, in front of Mark Ruffalo's wife.

Okay. Mrs. She Hulk. Yeah. She Hulk. Yeah. And she, but this was like a true thing that happened. And I guess it like, like truthfully.

So in the nineties or whatever, if you hadn't really watched it, like truthfully so in the 90s or whatever if you hadn't really watched like you know wrestling wasn't big like no but it was a big story in the states i guess sure but it would last like a week in the news cycle version so if you yeah if you didn't like pay attention it would be like you know it'd be the equivalent of like the guy the son from molson's family you got got a Canadian everything up, don't you? What I want to know is when do they catch the foxes? Oh, that's the name of the ranch. Oh, okay.

And then they called the team. The salad dressing? They called the team the fox catchers. And then I went, I watched the movie and I was like, oh, that's kind of an interesting story. And then I read about the actual story. And a lot of the stuff in the actual story it was steve steven colbert yeah which is weird yeah uh it was more interesting the stuff that they left out of the because there was a standoff for three days in his house him and the police and in the movie he just gets

arrested right away and i'm like why leave out the cool standoff? Yeah. I always thought standoffs were really cool. That's one of my favorite movies. Kevin Spacey's The Negotiator. Standoffs are cool. Standoffs are still cool. Top ten standoffs.

David Koresh. The one at, yeah, the one at Oka. Yeah. Thank you. Surely there was one in space at some point. It doesn't recount OJ. Yeah. OJ.

Definitely. Great standoff. That wasn't a standoff. That was more of a run. It was a moving standoff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was the world's first. It moved me emotionally. First moving. And then there was,, yeah. It moved me emotionally. First moving. And then there was, you know, Custer's Last Stand. That was a huge cheerleader thing. Like Dance Pack. Dance Pack.

Yeah. Dance Pack Chopra? Dance. Dance Pack. Like we've signed a dance pack. I guess I'm thinking of just dance offs. Oh, yeah. Dance offs.

Oh, yeah. You've Been Served was my favorite movie about a dance pact. I guess I'm thinking of just dance-offs. Oh, yeah. You've Been Served was my favorite movie about a stand-off. You've Been Served. Congratulations, I served you. The Stand, that movie. By Stephen King? Yeah, that's about a stand-off. I don't think of it as a movie.

Oh, it's a miniseries. Okay, is John Lover in it? A miniseries. Milk? Yeah, Milk was a huge stand-off. Powder was a stand-off. Okay. A mega series. Milk. Yeah, milk was a huge standoff. Powder was a standoff. They came together. They made Quick.

JFK, he stood up against oppression. Okay. It was a huge standoff. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oppression won. We go to the moon because of these other things, and then we do it because it's hard.

Yeah. Famous quote. That go to the moon because of these other things, and then we do it because it's hard. Yeah. Famous quote. That's what he told Marilyn Monroe. Trains, planes, and automobiles. Yeah. Yep, T-Ls and M's. They stand off against each other. Yeah. You know, they're like, fuck you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanksgiving means this to me. There you go, 10 of the most famous things. Did you hear that in the movie? In the Canadian edit of Trains, Planes, and Automobiles, they insert the word American Thanksgiving every time they say Thanksgiving. I got to get home to my family for American Thanksgiving.

Really? Really? No. Oh, nuts. Jeez, guys. Dave fooled us. Bookline and stinker. Really is the new yes and.

He's the Bruno of this room. Do you guys like improv games? Yeah. All right. So for the listener, Pat has moved his arms into my armpits and he's doing a weird little act out. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man? It's not that much.

How's your stretch January? We haven't recorded in two and a half weeks maybe because you've been out of town and i feel bad because nothing has happened mostly because i was court-martialed oh yeah court-martialed real standoff yeah uh for crimes crimes crimes against cards against humanity oh yeah i mostly just don't think it's that fun like everyone acts like it i don't know what you're talking about oh it's a game it elevates people who aren't that funny to be just as funny as everyone else at the table oh okay but anyway i was in a holding cell all right so but really what's been going on and uh

a holding cell all right so but really what's been going on and uh they took away my belt uh-huh and my shoelaces they wanted to use them to kill themselves all the guards killed themselves yeah um and then i had nothing to auto erotic asphyxiate with so i just set a fire and then use the smoke so now what have you been up to? I got this new raincoat, and... There we go. This is the real deal. Here we go. Okay, it's waterproof.

Got it for my birthday. And it's waterproof on the inside, but the outside is sort of like, it's a little bit waterproof, but if it's really raining, then it starts, it's a green and it starts to get dark. Why, why did they make a raincoat that isn't waterproof on the outside, but is on the inside? Well, it's just the fabric. It can get wet and it dries, but the, the outside, the inside fabric won't let water through. Hmm. dries but the the outside the inside fabric won't let water through uh the only problem really is that the first part where it's visibly wet where like the fabric gets darker is my crotch right

around the crotch and i don't know if it's the way i walk or well you can tell by the way you walk or the weather or like just the way the wind blows or if i lead with you think that the wind blows towards your crotch more often than other parts on your body the way that it's like a magnetic thing do you think that you walk like hips out what do you know how you walk like how did i was gonna say how do you think you walk i know that i walk like is it a an appealing stride uh no probably not but it's uh but definitely because sometimes you see some really swing my arms when i walk like you know how some people try to picture you walking actually i think i've yeah like you have a you have a uh an appealing like this is a this is a man who's got some substance like a nice gate a nice

gate yeah yeah but there's definitely you know you're always surprised when you see someone with a goofy walk or a run runs are revealing oh yeah oh runs really tell you a lot yeah have you ever seen somebody you think you have a like an appealing walk? Appealing to whom? Just to you know just like it's aesthetically appealing.

It's an aesthetically like that this is a man who's like knows. Yeah. Like if an actor was following you and said I have to

learn how he dances. I have to learn how he walks. I have to see how he rubs. Is there a tell in your walk or is it just a walk?

I mean his crotch always gets wet first. So that's our first clue. So he leads with the groin. Well we don't know if it's just a jacket malfunction or if it's just a function of the jacket. Like it highlights your crotch. Yeah.

We need to create a jacket where the crotch gets wet first so if there's some like the whole jacket has tubes that like filters the moisture oh yeah it's liquid cooled yeah um but what's up is uh no i walk i walk perfectly normally yeah i know everybody thinks they walk normally but some people don. But I don't like, I think 90% of people do walk normally. I wonder. Uh, I know like. I'm always like, I'm, my eyes are always drawn to a bull legged walker.

Oh. Not in a negative way. I'm just like, cool. Walk. I definitely have. Very country Western. I definitely changes with the shoes I have. Like if I have heavy boots.

High heels or. Yeah, or kinky boots. Yeah. Then it'll definitely be like heel toe. Heel toe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you that mental with your walking? Like even now you're like heel toe.

Heel toe. Here's what I want. Right foot, left foot. heel toe. Here's what I want. Right foot, left foot. You know how it's a saying like to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time? Yeah.

You can't do it. No, of course I can do it. But was there a time in history where people couldn't? Yeah. I think because back in the forties, gum was only sold by like a kilogram brick. Oh. You'd actually have to hold basically what looked like a punching bag yeah and walk and eat it are there people walking around because you'd have to unwrap it at the same time are there and they're like the only rule for this invention is

you have to walk and do yeah and it was disaster. Are there people walking around with gum in their mouth that's going unchewed because they can't do both? Yeah, for sure there is. For sure there is. There's people, like, there's definitely, the new chewing gum and walking is can you do something on your phone and walk. And there's people who can, and there's people who can't.

Oh, there's so many people who can't. It's hilarious how bad they are at it. Are you good at it? Or do you even try? I know that I'm the don't try. I'm good enough at it that I can look at a thing, but not text. I can't be writing something and walking at the same time. But kids will think, that's a crazy old man thing,

that you can't write a text and walk at the same time. So maybe our grandparents would be like, no, chewing gum. So is it going to be the new thing to say like, what's your problem? You can't text and walk at the same time? Yeah. Yeah. Because now gum is so easy. Yeah.

I saw a video. It was the headline of the news story was like uh there was a bear on the loose and a man funny already texting man bumped into a bear on the loose and uh i love it and so i watched the video and i felt like i had been lied to by the headline because he didn't literally bump into him i wanted him to be texting and trip over the bear and be like watch where you're going buddy and the whole time i'm watching like oh boy this guy is gonna get a face full of fur and then what happens oh yeah he walks into the bear's butt yeah yeah yeah yeah but he uh it was like you know that he bumped into it in the sense that like oh i bumped into

my friend on the street. He was texting and he looked up and then he ran away. Like he was texting and then like 40 yards away there was a bear and it was like, oh, I better go the other direction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably got within 10 feet of it. But were you filming himself texting?

There was a, sorry, there was a helicopter shot of this bear on the loose. Oh, and then some just. In like an urban environment? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or some guy just like in the woods texting. No, no, no, no.

In the, in an urban environment. And a guy. I got too many bears in urban environments. Like, this is crazy. I know, right? You say too many. I say not enough. That's where we're different.

Like, remember when the one that came out of the dumpster? That was amazing. That was the best day ever. It was. What was that again? It happened in downtown Vancouver Yeah the bear fell asleep in a dumpster And then some truck had picked it up And then it came downtown to do some other pickups Yeah and then the bear woke up

And this bear got out of the dumpster In the middle of downtown And everyone loved it And elected it mayor And then it was also Because I remember it was just a couple of weeks But it couldn't and elected it mayor and then it was also because i remember it was just a couple of weeks it was kenyan it was a couple weeks after of the occupy with the tent city downtown so if it had just been a couple weeks earlier there would have been all these

tents downtown and then also a bear yeah we've been bringing camping to whatever. Yeah. Oh, man. To the people, Dave. To the people. So, are we not bringing camping to the people? No. The camping has not been brought to the people for hundreds of years. The government is... It's been brought away from people. The government is trying to take it away.

Do you like to camp? This is an interesting word yeah like i love the idea yeah there's parts i really like yeah drinking drinking right fire fire yeah um can i guess what you don't like cougars oh yeah or the thought of cougars. Yeah. I was going to guess sleeping outside. I actually like sleeping outside, but I like sleeping outside knowing no harm will come. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Actually, Lizzie and I have this debate all the time. Oh, so you're now on a first name basis with your wife? You don't just call her my wife? Depends on the day. Have you seen Bruno? He has a great way of saying. My wife. Yeah, Bruno.

No, that's Borat. Yeah. Bruno. No, no, no. That's, I invented that. Oh, that's you. Yeah. Ah.

My. My Wi-Fi. But she's scared of people. The cougar? Sleeping in the woods uh-huh and i gravitate towards animals she's afraid that people like if we're out in a remote place camping she's scared her mind instantly goes to it's the middle of the night i have to go pee in the woods are there weird people out here? But it's the last place weird people would be.

They're all here. I don't, my mind does not go there at all. She know that they'd be more afraid of her than she is of them. Well, you have to make yourself look bigger. You have to lift up your coat. You run downhill from weird people.

Yeah. But she is like terrified of like, like Jason. Yeah. Yeah. I like terrified of like. Like Jason. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am terrified of night creatures. You're terrified of a thing that is, is actually a thing to be terrified of.

And she's terrified of a thing that movies made. Yeah. Yeah. Cause never in, in all the murders that have happened in the last say hundred years, maybe one of them happened in the woods. Absolutely true. Do you know what I mean? And I actually think that the person

who would go murdering in the woods would actually be scared of the woods. Yeah. Like, does somebody sitting in the woods be like, there's people gathering there, I'm going to kill them. And like a guy's waiting there in the woods. What about them? Their hills? Is there gold?

No, that they have eyes. Oh, okay. Or the fog has a mouth. The fog's got a mouth. The fog, yeah. Fog's got a mouth. Okay. Fog's got quite a mouth on it.

But you know what people do in the woods? That's where they, after, after murder parties. Yeah. They go have them in the woods. They go cruising. Yeah. That's where they go. Would a murderer sitting in the woods

being like, I'm going to attack that cabin or that tent site. Yeah, you'd be like the most inefficient. If he hears something, like there's a cougar behind him and he's like, oh fuck, I gotta go do this killing right now or else that cougar is going to get me. Or he's going to get my

murder that I was going to do. I was about to do a murder That cougar saw him in his money belt Or it's like a murder So just hyped up on the fact That they're going to do some murdering They're like I don't care that there's a bear Behind me

I'm about to murder other human beings Yeah well maybe he says to the bear Let's go 50-50 I'll terrify them You kill them Then you go off Yeah. Well, maybe he says to the bear, let's go 50-50. Okay, sure. I'll terrify them. You kill them. Get out of the way. Then you go off. I claim the responsibility in the murder circles on the website.

You hack them to pieces. I'll spell something in their blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's confusing. Oh, is there some sort of human bear hybrid? Yeah. Also, is there some kind of picnic basket?

Yeah. Well, they hung from the trees. Where do you guys stand on the camping? Hate it. Like, not at all. You know what? Let me just do like an hour hike and go home. I would do it. Put the sleeping outside. I would do it, but it doesn't ever come up. The dirtiness. I don't

have a car. I've only got to go walk. It's never like. Walk out into the woods. And you don't have a sort of circle of friends like, Graham, let's go camp this week. No, no. Graham, we're going to get some brews. We're going to catch some salmon. Yeah. We're going to make them fight some trout.

You know, we can put them in a bucket with samurai fighting fish. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Could a samurai fighting fish beat a big fish? Yeah, because all they do is... They're ornery. They're only trying to fight. Meanwhile, the salmon are trying to spawn.

They don't care about fighting. The samurai guys go right in there. How long do you think you could go without spawning? Yeah. It's been a long time so far so probably this this much again i guess twice this time times two yeah if need be i could go three times wow well you're stretching though so that's different you know like you're you're you're trying to extend your life i'm why do they call

it spawning and not like doing it happen do they f or do they just find a bunch of eggs yeah yeah they don't f frogs though but they never like no scientist would ever refer to mating as they do when they go camping that comic book character spawn is he just made out of jizz yeah yeah okay he's made out of fish jizz he just swam upstream they handed out copies of spawn in my sex ed class they're like

everything you need to know look at this creepy he swims up when a comic book character loves another comic book, they spawn. He swims upstream to where he was born. Now, Graham. Yeah.

What's going on with you? Well, I was gone for a couple weeks. I was in Toronto. Oh. Toronto the Good, Hog City, The Big Smoke. Anymore? T-dot. The T-dot O-dot.

Oh, the T-dot. That's right. And that's it. That's all of them, I think. I dot O dot. Oh, the T dot, that's right. And, uh, that's it. That's all of them, I think. I had never heard, what was the first one?

Toronto the Good? Yeah. That's like an old, that's like an old nickname for Toronto. Like, that's like from the 50s. Oh yeah, everyone there was walking around with wads of gum in their mouth,

unjuiced. And, uh, a thank you to everybody who came out to see the, uh, show that i did there that graham clark reads the phone book the factory theater that was a lot of fun you don't have to promote it anymore no but it was a lot of fun and then uh you know i got to see a lot of people

that uh passed lots of past guests of the show got to see a craig anderson got to see a Craig Anderson. Got to see an Ebony Rosen. Ah, the big two. Yeah. I got. Are they still a couple? They are. Yeah. They're Toronto's power couple. Yeah, I know. Right?

What are they running? They're just. No, they're just a power couple. Yeah. The fact that they're together. Oh, there's just so much power. Yeah. Power is coming out of them. Oh, I see.

The power is going into them. Power is going out of them. City pays them to power those cities. Power the West End. Yeah. Yeah. coming out of them the power is going into them power is going out of them pays them to power those power the west end yeah yeah and then uh so i was doing shows every day and it was the first week i was there was like uh they said it was like colder than on uh mars that was like their thing oh yeah it was like than mars yeah they were like in ontario it's colder than on the surface of mars today and i was like I don't even know if that's, like maybe Mars is really warm. I have no idea.

Like not, I mean, there's different parts of Mars. What about the like Mexico of Mars? Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. Veronica Mars is what they call that. I was thinking like Bruno Mars is pretty hot. Yeah, yeah. That's true. He's got that album with Mark Ronson.

Who's Mark Ronson? Uptown funk. Everybody do the funk. Hey, Mark Ronson. My name is Bruno Mars. Cha-cha-cha. I don't know. It's the hottest song.

Oh, is it really? It might be the number one song. Really? Right now? Uptown funk. Funkin' in the funk. Boo boo. All the ladies

do the bass. I bet you none of those words are in it. It's called Uptown Funk. But that doesn't mean it's in the song. It doesn't sound like that. Don't believe me just watch.

Da da da da. Yeah, that part. Yeah. It's in every commercial. It's in the trailers for four movies right now. Which ones? Oh boy. It's blended a movie. Yep movies right now. Which ones? Oh, boy.

It's blended a movie. Yep. Blended from last year. It's getting re-released. Oh, it's in the... It's getting re-released on its one year anniversary. Yeah, sure. They added a bunch of CGI.

The Kevin Hart, Josh Gad vehicle. Oh, yeah. And another movie. The Wedding Roasters. Yeah. Did you guys know that Bruno Mars is from the Chocolate Bar Mars family? Yeah. And then he, he killed a bunch of gymnasts.

And he wanted to take a bunch of gymnasts. He wanted to be. He wanted the US gymnasts team to train at the Mars thing. He wanted to do gay stuff with Mitch Gaylord. He wanted to do gay stuff with Bart Conner, Peter Vidmar, all your big US gymnasts. I forgot that you memorized gymnasts. What were you doing in elementary school? I told you I was reading Spawn, trying to figure out how sex works.

So then one thing that happened that was like a... Well, I went on a breakfast television show. Okay, yeah. Like at like 7 in the morning. In Toronto. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like you can't... You can't beat it. You can't be funny at that hour. And like, you can't... You can't beat it.

Personally, you can't be funny at that hour. What channel were you on? CP24? CP24. And also, they don't set you up. They don't give you any... They don't know what you are. Yeah.

They don't even know why you're there. And then you do a thing, and then out you go. Our next wonderful guest is somebody who is doing something, and we are so happy that he is here. Graham Clark, welcome to the program. Now, you hosted a morning show.

A fake morning show. But I've also seen the inner workings of the deer in headlights of a breakfast television show host where they're like i don't know you and i don't even gonna pretend we're just gonna rotate it through and we're gonna say good morning to the traffic guy and now we're gonna find out about your show and we're gonna hope you give us long answers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To stretch this thing because it's four minutes.

So tell us what's happening tonight at the show. Yeah. So I did that, which was weird. And then one day I went out for. What do you mean it was weird? Well, it was weird because it was exactly. Sorry, I trumped that. But that's exactly what it was. Where you're just, you're not even talking to somebody.

It's not a conversation. Like, and also they're not setting you up to be funny, but also they wouldn't, like, I was there to plug the show I was in. They just kept talking about the beard paintings that I did. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, but I'm not here to talk about that. And they were like, kept putting them up on the screen. They're like, well, that's a good one. And I was like, why am I here?

It's 7 o'clock in the morning. And now you are reading from the phone book. Why do you think? What is the fascination with phone books? This is almost it. In the internet world, you chose the phone book yeah so that's tonight they kept saying that yeah there was it's tonight i was like yeah it's tonight and every other night that i'm here it's all nights i like it starts tonight i was like it started three days ago like it just everything was

and it was fine like it was fine but it was weird yeah i could i've only done it once before but never at seven in the morning like it was at like 10 or whatever so what time did you get up like it was five yeah like 5 30 because you were like i'm going to do this yeah because i gotta get on a street car and find this place and yeah you know what i mean well you it's easy to find, right? It was the Much Music. Yeah, I remember I used to hang out with Rick the Tip and that's where we would go to hang out, the Much Music.

You just look for the building with the car coming through the side of the bridge. Yeah, yeah. You just look for the building with all the electric circus dancers outside. Out in the cold, waiting for it to come back on the air. Waiting for that station to be a music station again.

You just look for Master T being like, to his keyboard talking to his keyboard you gotta just look for someone being intimate and interactive no no his keyboard was a music keyboard for the listener master t was one of the hosts on much music hosted uh uh what did he host rap city he was the first rap city are you sure michael william Williams didn't host Rap City? Well, Master T definitely hosted. But I think his co-host Roxy. Rosie? Roxy. Roxy it feels like.

Was a keyboard. Rosie was the robot on Jetsons. Not on Extend-a-Mix? Was that something? Could be. Yeah. That was all things. Everything was something. Yeah. things. Everything was something. Yeah. Hello, everything was something.

He would hit one of the keys on the keyboard and it would be like, Ooh, tea. Never called them Master Tea, just called them tea. Tea. Why don't you guys have something like that where either of you can be like,

Name, name, name. then it got bigger than that. Name, name, name. It's got its own podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a xylophone and now it's got its own show. But would it go down in actual music notes? So like if Graham, you said something really cool, it'd be like... Graham, Graham, Graham, Graham, Graham, Graham.

No, it would just go... Why would it just say our names? Well, that's what you should do. He was T. Yeah. You should be like, you say something that you're proud of, it should be like,

you're right, Dave. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. It would say a sentence to him. It wouldn't just say, T, T, T, T, T. I'd prefer it if you just had both controlled your names. So it'd be like, Graham says something that he really likes.

Yeah. You could press a button and be like, Dave. No, no, you'd be Graham Graham says something that he really likes yeah you could press a button and be like Dave no no you'd be Graham Graham Graham see now it's too confusing

that's why we don't do it the other thing I did whilst I was in Toronto is I was at a coffee shop one day with a friend friend friend friend exactly coffee coffee

Gemma I apprehended a shoplifter. Whoa. Because, like, tackled? No, I just went and got the stuff back. Because I just didn't like it. You saw what you were, the manager didn't see it. Yeah, and I said to the guy, I was like, do you care that this guy just walked out?

Like, he stole, like, stuff on the way out the door. There was, like, a shirt and a cup thing and of the coffee shop yeah yeah like he just stole merchandise on the way out yeah but like he stole it and i was like do you care because you know maybe they were like now we don't give a shit about that stuff was it a starbucks no no it was like an independent right you know because it was a starbucks then they're right not to care yeah yeah but like the guy was like what the guy just stole like he was kind of upset so i went out and i just said like and the guy was just standing there the guy was walking away and i said hey like give me back the stuff you stole what was this perp like it was like uh he was wearing a helmet and uh yeah

he was a little he was a little british kid he um classicp. He was like sort of an urchin. Yeah. Picking pockets. You've got to pick a pocket or two. There's an amazing show on Netflix that is a documentary series in English. Is it Peaky Blinders? No, it's in New Brighton. And it's about pickpockets. There's a New Brighton.

It's about robbers. And they've got these three or four shoplifters who are reformed. You can't do those words? What? You can't do three or four in a British accent? Three or four? No, I can't.

You do it. Try it. Three or four. Three or four. Three or four. Three or four. I've got three or four. Three or four. No, I mean free or full. Three full. Free or full. Free full. Free or full. Free or full.

I've got three or full minutes. This is the Peaky's Blinders cadence. It's like, here's what you're going to do. I'm going to. Is it an hour long show that could be a half hour show if they just talked faster? Yeah. If you give me three or four minutes. Anyway, it's got these reformed shoplifters yeah showing you how people nick stuff in new brighton i don't understand the word uh nick is uh the chop

anyway i uh so i just said to the guys like give it back and he's like piggy point yeah he said what stuff and i was like this i saw you put it in your jacket. Give me back the shirt and the cup. And then he just did. Because I don't think he bargained on this eventuality that, like, somebody would ask for it back. But it's not. Was this someone who seemed like they thought there's going to be some money in this merch? No, like, I think he goes. Or was he like, I need a cup and I need a shirt?

It's not something you can eat. It's not something that you can sell. But I think he was a guy that was going shop to shop and just taking a thing from every shop. And then he was gonna whatever, sell it on the street.

He's a klepto nympho. There's a good chance that he grabbed that mug and that shirt and on the way out was like, why did I take this? Yeah, and then when I took it back,

he was like, yeah, it was no big thing. He just gave it back's like you're right i don't actually and then they gave me a free coffee so it all you know it all came out in the wash you seem jittery you seem like you got one too many coffees in you yeah yeah yeah and that was the one it wasn't the one i i should have only had two when did you get a hero's welcome? Yeah, yeah. Were people slow clapping out of their chairs? No, the barista and the other, they were like, we kind of have always wanted to ban that guy, but he never did anything untoward. Now we can ban that guy forever.

And we also got our stuff back. So they were pretty jazzed about it. And you were like, I don't need your life story. Yeah. I'm just a hero, ma'am. Did you consider maybe teaming up with this guy and having him steal things from other stores and then you return them and you get free stuff? Yeah, yeah, of course. We talked about it, but I didn't like the guy.

Oh, yeah. And we didn't have that chemistry. Too helmet-y. Yeah, you need chemistry when you're doing the long con. Short con, you can work with anybody. Yeah. You can work with a guy. Free, full guys. Doesn't matter.

Free, full. Who's in your crew? Who's in your crew? Your lot? What's in your wallet? I'd be kicked out. I'd be kicked out. Oh, that should be the name of the show. What's in your wallet? What's in your wallet? What's in your wallet? But I'd be kicked out in a heartbeat because the cops would know because I'd say

they'd ask me, how many people you shakedown? And I'd say, they'd ask me, how many people you shakedown? And I'd say, three or four. Shakedown. That's not the right terminology. Are you sure you watch this series on Netflix? Who are you nicking these days? And I'd say, three or four.

I'm good at all the British stuff except the numbers. Don't make me talk numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. All right. That's a British phone number. If you're a real British mathematician, then what is pi to 10 digits? 3.1415979.

But if you sing, you sing like, you know, how they're British. It's a hard knock's life for us. For us. For us. For us. It's a hard knock's life. I remember when Annie was British. Yeah.

Oh, God. It was. It was a different time. It was a different time. Yeah. So that's what I did May I cheap May I chip I don't know can you May I chip your chimney

For four dollars May I chip Your chimney That's a word right I let it slide twice now Let's chip your chimney For four's a word, right? Yep. I let it slide. Good. Twice now. Let's chip your chimney for $4. What is chipping again? It's cleaning backwards.

We're British. Why? You light a fire, then you fucking forget about it. Right? Right. Right. What? That's Australian.

Eh? I can do numbers in Australian. Oh, sure. Ready? How you do numbers in Australian. Oh, okay. Sure. Ready? How you going? One, two, three, four. My wife.

Five. What? Was that your way into the impression? Yeah. No, I was doing it. No, the hey, how you doing? Siffers. Hello.

Siffers. Hello. Siffers I like Siffers I like Siffers You like hearing numbers One Two Do we want to move on to overheard No I want to get up to five

Okay In Australia Yeah please Can you In Australia In Australia We'll also accept South African Okay

Same accent Okay Um I like I'm from Australia in South Africa. I'd like to count to ten for you. Alright. One, two,

three, I reckon. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Yeah Eight's good. Eight. That's good. Eight. Nine. Nine.

Ten. Ten. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Perfect. Spot on, right? Spot on.

Spot on. Yeah. Yeah. Chibbed your chimney. Thank you for letting me do this, guys. Okay. Overhearts. Bye.

Hi, I'm Brian Fernandes, a.k.a. Sonny D, producer of Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Lindsay Pavlis, producer of Wham Bam Pow. We're the stars of Maximum Fun's first web video series, Brian and Lindsay Will Totally Eat That. Someone throws us a snack, we eat it, and then we rate it on a scale from yummy to crummy. We have recorded a pilot,

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Listen to the toilet wine of podcasts every Monday right here on MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which all the people everywhere listen we need everything you're saying big brother big sister and uncles cousins cousins dogs cats yeah okay any family member yeah grandpa grandmother oh boy whatever uncle and we said uncles and aunts great uncles great aunts oh yes yeah yes um great great uncles, great aunts. Oh yes. Yeah. Yes. Great, great uncles.

Great, great aunts. Great, great grandfathers. Great, great grandmothers. And we always like to start with the guest. World's greatest grandpa. So it's Peck. Are you willing to lead the charge? Yes.

He overheards. And I know this is definitely a thing that you look forward to. Now, we took a big break in the middle. So, just to remind everyone, because this will have only been like a minute since they last heard you count in another dialect. So, don't start that again. And I'm done. All right. Okay.

I know that, you know, the overheards are something that I look forward to. I know that everyone else is on your program. I have two. Yes. Do you want one or two? I want one, and then we go around, and then we come back to you. We call it bookends. Yeah. It's our favorite Simon and Garfunkel album.

Okay. So I'm going to give you the first one that I really resonated with me at a grocery store this week. Yep. I'm just shopping for my family, getting some groceries. Your aunts, your uncles.

Yeah. I'm shopping for everybody. I'm getting everybody food so we can last another winter It's your one trip to the grocery store Your family affairs I've got a long list, I've got a cart Everything

I'm not going to plug a grocery store I will say this I found a new grocery store That makes me feel welcome It harkens back to a Grocery store gone by How many frills does it have? Zero makes me feel welcome. It harkens back to a grocery store. How many frills does it have? No.

But it's not. I don't know which one. No. But anyway, the staff is, I'm just like, I feel like I'm grocery shopping in another time. Yeah. Or in a small community where people care about what you buy.

Yeah. Lots of stock boys, but they're mostly men, like in their 50s. But they are- Are you shopping at Walmart? No. No, okay. Anyway.

Is it people who've been put out of business buy this stuff? Lots of helpful people. Yeah. Making this experience kind of a store you want to be in. Can you write down the name of the store on this piece of paper for-

Yeah. Graham and I are so curious. I would very much like to know. I can't. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the one I go to. Yeah, right? It's a nice feeling in there.

Sort of the independent grocery. Yes, yes, yes. And the stuff is good and the prices are right. Prices are fine. There's helpful... Women making rolls. You know what I love about it? You don't need a card to get discounts. No, no.

You walk right up. And you can ask there's a person stalking all the time and you're like, where are the things? How does it all work? What am I doing with my life? How do I get this? It's this kind of store. It has this vibe to it.

They got all the sections of some of the other big ones. So I'm walking by this aisle with my cart. I need more explanation. Do you want me to paint a picture of a grocery store? So I'm in a grocery store. I basically, trust me, it's a grocery store.

All right. So I'm walking by this aisle, particular aisle. There's a guy holding flowers in front of the cards, the greeting cards. Okay. And he's like looking around and he sees one of these, uh, stock men, stock boys. Yeah.

Cause there's lots of them. And he's like, excuse me, guys. Hey, can I get your help for a sec? Guy walks over, he's holding flowers. And the guy's like, yeah, what do you need? And he's like, my girlfriend's birthday. I got these flowers. I need to get a card. The guy kind of looks at him. He's like, my girlfriend's birthday. I got these flowers. I need to get a card.

The guy kind of looks at him. He's like, okay. So you're looking at the cards. What do you want it to say? He's like, I like lover. And he goes, which one's the best one? So man, like holding a box cutter, just putting the pasta on the shelf with the thing. Yeah.

Looks at this guy and he's like, well, that depends. Like, what do you want to say to her? He's like, that I need her. And that's when I kept walking And the two of them just started to go in And look And start to look at them Oh boy

So that's the kind of store I will shop at For the rest of my life I need her I need her I need her Well because they have the little like But there was no tab that said Honey I love you.

I need you. Love, comma, need you. Yeah. Love. Yeah. Codependent relationships. Love. Codependent.

Like, love. Never expressed yourself to your partner before. Yeah. There's a card for that. I need you. Love. Platonic. Love.

Need. Needy. Yeah. Love. Platonic. Love. Need. Needy. Yeah, love to a dog. But I'm ever indebted to this store because of the look on this guy's face where he's like, okay, let's go through them. Yeah, let's find your. I will find this. And all I could do. There's also a special on grapes.

You could feed those to your lover. Yeah, exactly. Peel them. Okay, sure. Let's just go through the cart. Let's also a special on grapes. You could feed those to your lover. Yeah, exactly. Peel them. Okay, sure. You can feel what an eyeball feels like. Let's go through these cards and find the one that makes you feel like you're expressing the need that you need her for. It's the one that opens and plays the Macarena. For sure it is.

There it is. It's weird because I do see people like constantly, there's at least one person in one of the aisles i was stocking chips or stocking pasta or stocking whatever you're right i'm right right yeah yeah yeah but no at every store though this one more than others but i what do you mean every grocery yeah yeah there's always like at least somebody's stocking something yeah uh and you almost go and talk to the sometimes there's a rep No I don't talk to anyone For a product and you're like oh you don't work here Here's what I don't talk to anyone ever

You're on behalf of Doritos You just care about chips But I've never seen anyone stalking the cards I don't like I wouldn't know like Who's the cards expert They come at night They come at night Or maybe it was the guy

Like maybe this guy knew The guy holding the flowers knew that this it was the guy, like maybe this guy knew, the guy holding the flowers knew that this guy was the guy who stocks the cards. Yeah. He goes through every single one. Like they said, go talk to Stan. He knows cards. He knows cards. Oh, no, we got too many Shrek cards this year.

No one wants Shrek anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's onto these. Like it's not even a fun pun. Like who's the buyer? I want to have Shreks with you? What does that mean? Like you basically have to be a buyer for a grocery store.

I'm a Shreks offender. Sorry, I'm a Shreks offender. I'm looking for an apology card because I have a six. Well, this is a cute one. Steve, do you have an overheard? Mine takes place at a different kind of grocery store oh a large-scale one no um i'm big company yeah this is one that is more of a cost company sort of a costco uh and uh i have not been to Costco in 15 years. Oh yeah?

Every time I visit my family. I think I went when I was a teenager last. Um, so, you know. Discments still per se. No, this was before they sold things that weren't food. Like. I don't. Oh, right.

Cause it used to be, you would go, you get, here's an eight year supply of Twizzlers. Yeah. Here is like. Did they sell pants? I feel like I bought pants when I was in high school. Maybe. Maybe. Costco?

Seco? At Costco, yeah. Kirkland. Yeah. I'd wear a Kirkland. Whatever. Kirkland now, but in the 90s, I don't think Kirkland was a thing. I think they would sell brand name things by the gross. Oh yeah, I would buy

12 pairs of pants. Yeah. And that would be my pants. But were the pants Kirkland or Levi's? Or Dockers? They were just Twizzler brand pants. So it was, you know, I know what it's become and I know people now will go

and buy a TV there. But like from what my knowledge is of this store, it would be a place to buy a thousand TVs. Yep. Yeah. But anyway, so I went for the first time in a long time because that's what you do when you're a dad. Because they have good prices on wipes. Yeah. This is the downtown.

This is downtown. Julie Brown one. Yeah. And so I'm walking in there i'm basically standing in there because i think we've gone two or three times in the past year and the first time i was like oh okay i'm open to this we might now need things as parents and it's just it's a completely different store and it's it's not yeah like it's just got a bunch of like frozen meals like with you know 12 12 tortillas and like well that's you can get that anywhere yeah and james patterson's uh latest book oh yeah oh they've got uh chicken oh it's not

cheaper than like you want them to go back to the 5000,000 of one thing. I want to be able to like model. Yeah. I like, oh, okay. I'm going to get some cheap chicken because we feed our dog like human grade chicken. Uh, cause that's what he needs. So I was like, oh, maybe I can get like a freezer full of it. And no, they just have regular grocery store style chicken. You should just kill one giant chicken.

That's true. Or maybe I'll just kill the dog. That'll solve it. Oh no. i hate that ending um uh anyway so the i think the second or third time we were there i was just standing waiting for abby to go buy uh some socks i was standing guarding our um guarding our cart and uh i just walked by some guys and or some guys walked by me and it was just these two guys in their 30s and one just looked to the other

and said, do people work here? Nah, people just hang. It's a real hang. Well, like, I don't know what he meant. Like, are... Well, because it's the opposite

of a grocery store. Nobody's ever stocking anything. No. Yeah, you're right. They do it at night. At night, yeah. And it has to be done by like, you know, forklift. And all the employees wear their street clothes, so you can't tell.

Yeah. So it's, yeah, I could see that. I could be like, you just go and there's a robot at the door that says, you know. The one time we, the first time we went uh we tried to pay with a visa and they were like no we only do mastercard uh and then as we were leaving the second time they're like no more mastercard we're all we're gonna be american express now oh so it's like you have to get the costco brand card and they are literally as you're leaving they're giving you sign up forms wow with a free shirt that says, I love Costco.

Oh, I would just do it for the shirt. Yeah. Well, I stole the shirt, and then a bearded man came after me. Tale as old as time. Now, Graham. Yeah. What's yours? Mine is an overseen.

What? You know, from time to time, I like to go through the web app Tinder. To get your dick wet. Yeah. You know. Moist. Moisten my wiener. Yeah.

And this is the thing. I got to say, in Vancouver, I'm just another scrub. Went to Toronto. It was like I was Showcase Showdown every everything was a match i was matching all over the place and then see app go like ding ding ding ding ding ding ding yeah yeah ding it's like ding ding your ding dong yeah ding dong your ding ding ding dong yeah you're wrong yeah um is it just like what do you know because i remember being in toronto with you yeah and you remarking at all the beautiful women who looked so serious yeah yeah every woman looks like they've

got a place to be yeah and well that's still true that still holds but is that in their tinder pictures as well yeah it's them walking to work Walking to a different app. Now, the thing with the Tinder app, if you've never seen it, it will be a picture or a series of pictures and then a brief description of a person's interests. I'm curious about Tinder. Yeah. But as a married man. Let me answer your question.

Can I go on there and just have a picture of me and like made, make my profile picture me with a sign that says, I'm not going to date you. I just want to browse. I just want to know what this is all about. I bet you would get a lot of people because you swipe on it. You swipe left. I think it's left for no right for yes. And it just, people's faces come up and you're like, scrub.

Yes, no. You do it when you're waiting in some sort of line. That's when Tinder, it's Tinder's time to shine. But it's not like Grindr, you're like, who else is in this line? Yeah. No, it's, well, no. Yeah, it's more like just, it's just like another, you know, party of fish.

Time killer. Yeah, okay. So, but they, you know, they'll have descriptions of uh you know i'm into uh whatever i do this i'm at outdoors everybody says they're into outdoors or yoga um but this one woman wrote in her description that she's like i love music and then uh she wrote under it into a tribe called Quest, Metallica, James Brown, etc. I was like, the mind reels of what etc. is going to be. She's into recording artists. Yeah, yeah.

She's into just sounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. If it can be pressed onto vinyl. Yeah, I'll listen to it. Just music, sounds, etc. If it can be pressed onto vinyl. Yeah, I'll listen to it. Just music, sounds, et cetera, noises. Yeah. I'm into, you know, sensations, fear.

Those are three very specific things, too, that you're just like, what do I like? Yeah. A Tribe Called Quest, for sure. For sure, I like Tribe Called Quest. I like Tribe. Yeah, I like Tribe. I like Metallica. But I like Tribe. Yeah, I like Tribe. I like Metallica. But I also like Metallica.

Okay, what sort of the... Yeah. What bridges the gap? James Ryan. Yeah. And then just, you know, everything else in that genre. You know, music. Now, Pat, if I understand...

Oh, yeah, you had another one. Is that kosher? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's mad kosher. Super kosher. Not to harp on this, but it's, well, actually,

I haven't even brought it up yet. But I guess in my mind, I harp on it. Yeah, in your mind, you know you're going to harp on it? The part of town that we know as Yaletown. Now, describe this town for the out-of-towner. Well, it's where Yale is.

It's where the University of Yale is. It's got a great drama program. It's got, oh, the Yale players? Yep. I can't name a single person who went there. It's sort of my safety school. It's where X-Files was created. Yeah, and it's where X-Men was set.

Yeah. Yaletown is sort of like a warehouse district. Yeah, it's like a posh warehouse district. Yeah, it used to be just warehouses, which were then all converted into very expensive lofts. And now it's a collection of boutiques. Yeah, nail spas. Upscale restaurants. Tiny dogs, I think.

Tiny dogs. Yeah. Coffee shops. Yeah. Yoga pants. Yeah. Now we're painting a real great picture. Yeah.

But literally the last time I was there, I was driving in from out of town and the first thing I saw was a lady with like hair done for the night before, like super bright pink vest, yoga pants, two tiny dogs. Yeah, it was like you just walked out. This is where you'll find a basic bitch. It's like, can kind of be like legally blonde land. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ooh, Ugg boots. Ooh, Ugg boots. Yeah.

Oh, Ugg boots. That's a thing. Ugg boots, Ugg boots everywhere. Not a drop to drink. Actually, they have a bar now where you can drink out of an Ugg boot. You can drink a... You have to wring it out. Yeah.

Out of whatever the sheep's wool. Bear grills, does it? Mm-hmm. So, I'm walking. Yeah. Behind these two women who are walking in front of me, obviously. And then they split, like, because there's something on the ground right in front of them. Right.

So they kind of part, and there's a pile of dog shit right in the middle of the sidewalk. Yeah. Which, thanks to them, I knew that it was there too. Right. So I avoid this. And as I continue to walk behind them, the one girl goes, oh my God, I cannot stand seeing dog poop on the sidewalk.

Because like every time I see it, I think that like, that's like the same stuff that like comes out of me. It reminds me that I'm dirty. It reminds her that she poops. And also that when she poops, she poops dog shit. Yeah, exactly. It's because of all the dog poop.

She just didn't like seeing poop in public because it reminds her that she takes a good one. Yeah. Hey, do you get treats when you're good? Yeah. Does your boyfriend tell you to make? Yeah. My dentist just gave me a bunch of dentist sticks and greenies.

They're shaped like toothbrushes, but they're not. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people round the globe if you want to send one into us you can send it into spy at maximumfund.org and uh the first one it's not dot orb i'm not sure okay yeah try both okay yeah send one to each uh this first one comes from jason in halifax uh my girlfriend works at a non-profit organization and she overheard one of the volunteers working the front desk exclaim i don't know how to read the date like that does it mean the 16th day of the eighth month or the eighth day of the 16th month different calendars i have whoa different calendarars yeah i have to check every time

well anytime it comes up like that i have to be like all right are these people saying fifth november or november 5th because if you're even doing that then maybe you're a fifth november guy yeah in which case happy guy Guy Fawkes Day. This next one comes from Johnny E. in Leeds. Oh, happy Guy Fawkes Day. Yeah. I was in a charity shop. One, two, three, four, five.

Keep going. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. There, that's pretty good. That's what we call them, Peaky Blinders. I was in a charity shop, in brackets, thrift store, going through the vinyl section. An older gentleman beside me was looking at the next rack of vinyl next to me. He halted seeing an LP by the four tops, and what appeared at a glance to be signatures.

He was glancing intently for some time, and I really hope he bought into thinking he found a one in a million because it dawned on me that the signatures were in fact uh two messily written words library copy who's your favorite member of the four tops for? For me, it's Copy. For me, it's Spinny. Yeah. For me, it's Dreidel. Spinny, Toppy.

Yep. Dreidel. Yeah. And then... Trading cards for me. You had the Four Tops trading cards? Oh, Tops trading cards. Yeah.

Tops trading cards. They're like the big... There was only four of them. Yeah. Who were they? They were Tops? Oh, tops trading cards. Tops, tops trading cards. They're like the big, the, the. There was only four of them. Yeah. Who were they? They were tops. Oh, Peachy.

Oh, Peachy. Don Russ. Diamond. Upper deck. Upper deck. Score. Oh, score, yeah. Upper deck protected their, like, the worth of their cards because there was holograms.

Yeah. And they were like, they had a sheen on them. Occasionally, I mean, I never got them, but I think in later years they would have ones that had a chunk of jersey in them. Really? Yeah. Really? Holy.

Wow. Yeah. I never got that far. I do know that I'm sitting on $400,000 worth of cards. Of what? Lanny McDonald's rookie year. Oh yeah. Is that an OPG?

That's gotta be an OPG. Oh, definitely an OPG. I went to a, uh, uh, we got a bunch of old, uh, cards from my dad. My dad had an entire set of like 1948, 50 hockey cards somewhere around there. Black and whites? Nope.

Uh, uh, and there was a hundred cards on the set. It had Rocket Richard. It had, the only thing he was missing was there was a special slot in these, this card book for my favorite card, which was Gordie Howe, which was missing. And then I went to a card show and a guy was like, hey, can I buy that Tim Horton from you?

And I had no idea who Tim Horton was because we don't have that because that donut brand out here but we didn't at the time right and uh so i sold it to him for a bunch of canadian football cards i was like i'll let you buy me some canadian football cards oh man do you man. Do you think it's worth it? Do you think it was worth it? You know what? It was. Let's like really talk about value of these things. Because it was right at the bubble where anything was like.

Anything kind of remotely old. Like 1991 was when trading cards were worth the most. Yeah. Downhill ever since. And the fact that I sold one for anything, even though it was for more trading cards of the Canadian Football League. Can I tell you that I have an entire,

like a full series of 1992 bowling cards. Pro, proice was the... Yeah, pro-choice. Was it pro-choice? No, that's not right. Pro-set. Pro-choice was a different line of cards. Don't have an abortion.

Or you can have an abortion. Yeah, you can. But don't if you don't want to. Yeah. Pro-choice is more like, hey, don't have an abortion. There's a life in there. But Pro-set did a full set

of 1992 bowling cards, and I have them in condition, in a binder, bought them at a thrift store. This is worth something. No, it's not. No. But it's worth the fact that I own them, and I get to show them off once a year. Can I buy those from you?

No! Well, do you have any Canadian Football League? I do have a CFL scrapbook from my father. The worst thing is I bought a... He played for the Edmonton Eskimos in 1945. Everyone played for the Eskies.

City of Champions. The worst thing is there's only eight teams in the Canadian Football League. They all play for every team. They all play for every team. And you get a box of cards. You get the entire set of all the players 10 times over. Does the CFL make cards now? No.

Maybe. I don't know. No, probably they do. No. How would you? Unless it's like White spot putting out the bc lines like roster no i bet you there's still packs of pro choice cards are still doing a line of cfl training cards i think this is an opportunity for us to do them we'll go down take how hard

is it to make cards sure Sure, yeah. Take pictures. They're all different sizes. I've got an iPhone. It's pictures with some stats on the back. How hard is it to make cards? Use your iPhone, take some Instagram things, send it off to a service, print them off, and be like, and then write on the back, this guy is amazing. This guy likes to fish in the off season.

Incredible. He's made so many tackles. This guy has two fish in the offseason. Incredible. He's made so many tackles. This guy has two part-time jobs. He's a Canadian football player, so he's also a fireman. He gets called away at least once a season. Once a game. This last

overheard comes from... That's how one team won the Grey cup one year They were like Why don't we set a fire That way half the home team will have to go This last one comes from Meredith W In Boston, Massachusetts

Meredith Wiera I was sitting next to children About seven years old On the train and they were high-fiving and playing the up high down low too slow uh this was the version they were playing up high down low in the grass you passed gas was a version i'm not familiar with uh and the little boy kept getting the girl to high five uh for his punchline so she made up her own retaliation and hers was up high, down low. Here's the gluten.

You'd be pooping. Oh, these modern kids. They're delightful. They get it. Pooping is what dogs do. They already know, right? Mm-hmm. And I hate when they do it because it reminds me I'm human.

Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written And we also accept your phone calls If you want to call us Our phone number is as follows Now get a pen, get a pencil Get a quill Get the quills Get a scroll

The phone number is 206-339-8328 Like these people have Hi Dave Graham, possible guest Uh, the phone number is 206-339-8328. Like these people have. Hi, Dave Graham, possible guest. This is Sarah in Austin, Texas. And I just drove home from work and on my way home through this residential neighborhood. I thought I saw these guys walking a dog. As I got closer, I realized it was a sheep.

Oh, wow. Was it their sheep or goat? I think it was a sheep. It was wearing a diaper. And as I realized what it was a sheep. Oh, wow. I think it was a sheep. It was wearing a diaper. As I realized what it was, I also realized that the news van in front of me was doing a U-turn and catching up with me.

Oh, what a scoop! Sheep walks a man. Wait. Yeah. The shit and sheep. That's its trick? The shit and sheep I guess that's it's trick the shit and sheep

like ooh come from far and wide that's the pod Pat and I are gonna go to after the shit and sheep haven't been to

the shit and sheep oh yeah here's what's gonna happen how many blinders you're gonna meet me at the ship and sheep I feel my IQ has been lowered significantly over the course of this podcast. What do you mean?

I don't know. I feel like I came in smarter and I'm leaving... Dumber? Yeah, I feel like I'm leaving dumber. I feel like I'm leaving blinder. Peaky blinder. Peaky blinder. Here's your next phone call.

Hey, Graham and Dave. I'm calling in with an overheard. This is Melinda in New Hampshire. I work at a retail store, women's clothing, and two older ladies just came in, and one of them tried something on, and she's looking in the mirror, and she says to her friend,

well, I'm old, Martha. And Martha says, well, no shit, Dick Tracy. No shit, Dick Tracy. That's great. It's no shit Sherlock. But she's also

calling her friend out saying, congratulations, you sleuthed on yourself. You dumb idiot. You're so old. Right? Because that's what she was complaining about? That was the discovery? Yeah.

Moriarty's always one step ahead of me with his... But it's actually kind of the most offensive thing you could say to a person. Like, if you woke up tomorrow and, Graham, you were like, you know what? I need a hobby. And me staring you in the face going, yeah, no shit, Dick Tracy. Like, we all knew Like we all knew. We all knew.

Everybody knew. We've all been talking about it. That's really funny. Have you tried collecting pro-choice cards? Yeah. No shit, Dick Tracy. Are we still meeting for dinner at six? Yeah.

No shit. It didn't work. No, no, no. It doesn't work. It didn't work. Yeah, we are, doesn't work it's about coming to some self realization yeah we are you know what I honestly could be better to my wife

yeah you gotta be you know what 2015 it's your year of stretching give it to me you treat your wife great Fibber McGee and Molly. You're great at it, Roger Rabbit. Yeah, you're fantastic, The Shadow. Here's your final overheard. Way to go, Magnum P.I.

Hey, Dave Graham and probable guest. This is Lance from Nashville with an overheard. I was in New Orleans with my girlfriend and we were at this kind of heavy metal bar dungeon. And we were the only people in there except for four German guys. And they were pumping

money into the jukebox all night long. And eventually the jukebox stopped playing because they ran out of songs. But one guy scurried over to it, started intently clicking the button on the pages of the CD jukebox, and then stopped and exclaimed, Butthole surfers, that is what I need. And then the door guy laughed so hard he fell off his stool. Because it had to be that one song for them, right? Didn't they only have one song? Oh, they had other songs, but they be that one song for them right didn't they only have one song oh they had other

songs but they had that one song yeah yeah oh man that's just what i need right now i feel like a german in any sort of phase of desperation is funny yeah that's true yeah german accent just being like what i need right now is a sandwich oh boy that's true. Like a German accent just being like, what I need right now is a sandwich. Oh, boy. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Can you count in a German accent? Oh, well, thank you very much for saying.

Like English words. Sure. Numbers. Whatever makes you comfy. Okay. Like Bruno. Okay. I'm white. It's Vaughn.

Yeah. Toe? Three. I think you were Dracula on two. Okay. It's Vaughn. Yeah. Three. I think you were Dracula on two. Okay, let me start again. I'm not the Count. This is the Count. But it's German. Okay. Oh, welcome to Germany.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Yeah, that's good. Six. Yeah. Four. Five. Yeah, that's good. Six. Yeah. Seven.

Eight. Oh, he's going back. Nine. Ten. The last nine and ten were Australian. Yeah. Or Dutch. Or Dutch.

No, no, they're Austrian. Oh, okay. Let me do it again real fast. No, no, no. We're good. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That's good. Pretty good. Yeah. No, no, no. We're good. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That's good. Pretty good. Faster, faster, faster.

Pat, that brings us to the end of this here episode. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. A pleasure. Good, good, good. Cordial. Was it cordial? It was very cordial.

What you just did? Yeah. The thanking? Yeah. Now, what do you have coming up that you would like to plug? Or where can people go online to kind of find your stuff or whatevs? Well, I always encourage people to explore. To explore.

Grocery stores. Be it the world or your own. If you want to actually experience a great grocery store, the IGA on Maine. Oh, my God. You said it. god you you said i just had to it's kind of more i was thinking about it's like friends ross and rachel i have to get together yeah you know by the way i've been watching friends on netflix now that yeah i watched all the seasons how are you feeling wait wait wait wait why are people doing this because it just came out yeah i know but why are you compelled to do it? There's a lot on Netflix I haven't seen.

Because you want to make sure, and it's not even you want to make sure. You're just curious as to what your brain went through every Thursday for 10 years. Yeah, and also it's finally something you can, because I don't have a cable, so it's something you put on the background and just have it be there and not feel like I have to follow it.

Cause I've seen all. Chandler was responsible for so many zingers. Well, yeah. Yeah. He was the, he was classic Chandler. Classic Chandler. I feel like Joey's character got funnier as the show went on. Well, of course he got the spinoff after.

Yeah. Which was my favorite. In our crew, who do you think is the Chandler? Like tonight? No, no. Like of the three of us? No, no. Just Graham and me.

Your crew. Yeah. You can't be a crew with just two of you. Yeah. No, you've got to be in the crew. Because he's one of us as a Ross. If you're asking a duo. One of us as a Joey.

No, no, no, no. Of the two of us, we're going to go through all six characters. You're Monica. He's Rachel. You're Chandler. He's Joey. Are you just saying that? No, no, but what are you asking?

And your crew, your two-man crew, which, by the way, is not a crew. Yeah. What about a blue man crew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's only two. That's almost a reference. No, one of those guys died. Really? Yeah, it was a blue man crew? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's only three. That was three. No,

one of those guys died. Really? Yeah. It was a two man blue man. So blue. That's why they were so blue. Do you have anything you want to plug? No.

Okay. All right. Dave, anything you want to plug? Boy, no, no. Okay.

That's disappointing. I want to plug Dave Boy, no. No? Okay. That's disappointing. I want to plug Dave Shumka's, like, virility. Raising a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I don't need it. Like, it's going great. Yeah, check it out online. Don't need that.

Don't need it. Check it out online. I don't need to promote it. Yeah, it promotes itself. What are you doing? Touch my foot. Oh, sorry. Graham, so now you have three promotes. Because we didn't do.

No, I'm good. I'm good. I don't have anything that I got to get going. Which of us is the Rizzoli? I'm Rizzoli. I don't know which one is Rizzoli. The ugly one. Oh, no.

I mean, I'm Miles. The dead one. I mean, I'm Niles. Oh, yeah. Do you think that the trope... Let's go back here. The trope of friends. Wait, we'll talk about this off air.

We're going to get into it. In our other podcast, the trope of friends. Yeah. The trope of friends. If you like the show, please go over to MaximumFun.org. Check out the blog recap of this episode. Pictures and videos relating to the recap of this episode pictures and videos relating to the content

of this episode Peaky Blinders Peaky Blinders 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 picture of IGA on main so everyone can see what that's about maybe or maybe not

certainly Bruno the other things we talked about and if you like the show please tell your friends don't be afraid to write an iTunes review uh if you like the show uh please tell your friends don't be afraid to write an itunes review saying that you like the show yeah do be afraid to say when you don't like it yeah yeah be very afraid and uh come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org

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